#like — they made a point in the past to have jay sign divorce papers from that one chick

[wafflesetc]

It’s 04:35 in Amsterdam and I’m way jet lagged but the rage is real tonight. I don’t get how every other character got such a more realistic and realistic exit in the OC universe except for Jay.

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s Fics Posted in 2019

Master Fic Masterpost / Buy me a Coffee?

2019 was a bit crazy, but I’m so proud of the fics that I’ve been able to write and publish this year! There were quite a few of them, so here they are in order of when they were published. I hope you enjoy!

Hey Look, Ma (9k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

“I’m so sorry,” a deep voice said.

Louis made sure he’d only dropped his hat, reached down to pick it up, and was dusting it off when he finally looked up.

“It’s alright...mate…” Louis had seen this man before. He was gorgeous. He lived somewhere in the area, because Louis would often pass him on the street heading home from the tube or the nearest bus stop.

And now, here he was. Standing in all his fluffy, curly haired glory in front of Louis, apologising for nearly bowling him over.

“I really am sorry, though. Let me get you a coffee to make up for it?”

Or the one where Louis is a hybrid who agrees to go on a blind date with his neighbour's colleague's son the same night he literally runs into his dream man. Surely this isn't going to end well... or is it?

Charisma (5k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Harry was smiling, and maybe blushing a little as well, as he accepted the phone back. “Thank you,” he glanced down at his phone and then said, “Louis.”

Smiling happily at the way Harry had said his name, Louis watched him leave the room. The further away he got, the more confused Louis was. Yes, Harry was gorgeous, but how the hell had he forgotten that Harry was also the man who had caused him to almost have a major accident earlier because of his haphazard driving? How had he allowed Harry to distract him with his charm to the extent that instead of giving the man a lecture, Louis accepted the offer of a date?

Well. Whatever the reason was, Louis wouldn’t forget when Harry called. Louis would give him a piece of his mind then and see if Harry still wanted to go out with him at that point. Because yeah, Louis was not mad enough about his overreaction to Harry, both on the road and at the event tonight, to turn that opportunity for a date down. He wasn’t stupid.

Or the one where Harry feeds on awesomeness (possibly literally). Louis is awesome and also angry. They’re probably going to fall in love.

Drabbles for Harry's Birthday Drive 2019 (25k) - Various Pairings

Each chapter is a different drabble dedicated to a person who donated to Harry's birthday drive! The prompt requested as well as the pairing are in the author’s note for each chapter as well. There are multiple pairings due to various pairings being requested by the donors, so please pay attention to that information in each chapter! Pairings include Harry/Louis, Zayn/Liam,, Grimmy/Louis, Greg/Louis,  Zayn/Louis, and Niall/Shawn.

It’s the Climb (25k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Louis stretched out his back and turned around, startled to see the most beautiful man he’d ever encountered in his life riding towards him on a horse.

He had to still be asleep. This was one of those super weird dreams people had where the knight in shining armor (or in this case, red sleeveless flannel) literally rode up to them calling their name.

The Hannah Montana AU where Louis is a world famous punk rock singer with a stage name of William and Jay drags him back to Tennessee for the summer. In her attempt for Louis to get back to his roots, he just so happens to reconnect with Harry, and things never go quite as Louis expects them to.

It Was Only a Kiss (16k) - Various Pairings

I participated in a kiss prompt drabble challenge on Tumblr, and ended up writing thirty-three drabbles! Because of the amount all for one challenge, I decided to post them on AO3 to save them. Each prompt exists on its own without relation to others, so pick and choose as you like.

If You Want To Be Loved (0.5k) - Greg James/Louis Tomlinson

Greg can't sleep. For once, he doesn't really mind.

(Something’s Been) Hiding In My Heart (26k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

“My eyes must be deceiving me,” Harry said in his slow drawl. His voice was deeper than Louis remembered. Maybe some things had changed after all.

“They aren’t deceiving you. I’m here because I need you to finally sign these papers,” Louis said before he dropped the stack of paper on the hood of the car and held out a pen to Harry. “Just do it, Harry. Get it over with and then I’ll be out of your life forever, alright?”

Face blank of all emotion outside of a sneer Harry said, “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“God,” Louis groaned. Harry just couldn’t let this be easy. His pride wouldn’t allow it. “You know, I never really understood that phrase, but no. I am not ‘shitting’ you. Just sign the damn papers.”

“Ya know, I don’t think I will,” Harry said before turning back to the front door.

When the screen door slammed behind him, Louis realized Harry didn’t have anything else to say.

Or a Sweet Home Alabama AU where Louis comes home to finally get his divorce from Harry finalized so he can move on with his life. Alderford holds its own set of challenges when he returns, but by facing his past maybe he can find the healing he so desperately needs.

You Try To Be Everything (I Need) (36k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Wars, and rumours of wars, were nothing new for the world in the twenty-fourth century. The fighting had evolved over the years, and rarely did it involve traditional weapons. A group most widely known as the Southern Powers gained strength amongst portions of the western European continent and spread quickly.

There was a fight the Southern Powers didn’t expect coming from the north of England, though. Resistance came in the form of an organised underground; a group comprised of people with the Touch that did the best they could to enforce a line that would not be crossed. Slowly, that line was moved from the Channel to boundaries further and further north. It seemed only a matter of time before the Southern Powers took over everywhere.

Until that time, people did the best they could to live their lives in some semblance of normality. For Louis Tomlinson, that sense of normality was about to change when his best friend, Harry Styles, goes missing.

Louis embarks on the journey of a lifetime where he uses his newly developed abilities to search for his friend, even when it takes him to places he never thought he would see while surmounting trials he never could have imagined.

You Turned Up (Like a Friend of Mine) (10k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Louis padded downstairs, feeling incredibly thirsty. He filled up a glass of water and was about to take a drink when a loud knock sounded at the door accompanied by some yelling and ringing of the doorbell.

“What the hell?” Louis muttered, setting his glass on the counter and rushing towards the door.

As he got closer to the door, though, his mind stopped whirling because the voice was one that was etched forever in his mind, but one that he never thought he would ever hear again.

“Why’s the door locked? Did you seriously go without me? And who’s car is in the driveway? Lou, I knew you’d be late to get me. We’re going to miss-”

Louis whipped the door open, sure that he was just imagining things. There was no way…

Except there was. Standing on the front step was the curly haired, boy-faced Harry Louis had last seen ten years ago today.

Or the one where Harry disappears on graduation day only to show up on Louis' door looking exactly the same ten years later. Through a series of strange events, maybe they can finally figure out that they're destined to be together, no matter what.

Stealing Flowers (4k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

When Louis finally arrived, he walked in and grabbed an apron. Without even saying hello, he immediately approached Jesy and said, “Sexy Stranger steals flowers.”

She kept pouring the Tanqueray shots she had lined up in front of her, but her face screwed up in confusion. “I’m sorry, he what? Did you finally talk to him and that was what you learned?”

He nodded to another couple of tourists and welcomed them to the Way Station as they eagerly made their way to the Tardis restroom.

“No, I didn’t actually talk to him, but—”

“Then how do you know he steals flowers?”

She was wiping down the bar and stacking the empty glasses to take back to the dishwasher when Louis realized maybe he should help too. After all, he was there to work, not just talk to her about his maybe crush.

“I saw a poster.”

Or the one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn.

Yellow, Is It Me You’re Looking For? (3k) - Greg James/Louis Tomlinson

Standing in the mess Greg’s shift had left behind, Louis decided he would start small. He’d organise the paint colour cards that displayed the names and then get started on the sample tins. It wasn’t until he started opening the boxes of colour cards that Louis started to wonder whether Nick had been the one to name the paint after all.

Yellow, Is It Me You’re Looking For? was along the top left corner of a mustard yellow card. Nick was as big a fan of puns and music as anyone, so while it was unorthodox, Louis didn’t think too much of it. Part of the appeal of Annie’s Hardware was that they didn’t take things too seriously while always maintaining professionalism.

The names that followed did leave Louis to wonder if Annie knew exactly what the chosen paint names were, though. The Colour Of My Tears When ‘FRIENDS’ Ended for a soft white, Barneys Blood for a pale purple, and Blond. James Blond. for a sand tone had Louis convinced that it was a different co-worker who had renamed the colours.

Or the one where Louis has pined after Greg for what seems like ages, but when Greg renames the company's paint colors, something might finally be ready to give.

Like a Lighthouse On The Coast (I Need You) (19k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Louis placed his order with the server and was about to type up some possible lyrics when he heard the music being piped in go silent and a throat was cleared into a mic.

Oh God no. If Louis had known there was going to be live music, he would have chosen somewhere else. Why did they have to ruin what was truly the perfect ambiance for Louis with some sub-par wannabe singer-songwriter?

“Hello, I’m going to sing some songs for you tonight. I hope you like them.”

The voice was deep and smooth, slower than Louis had expected. It made him want to look up at the singer rather than cower into the corner of his booth.

So he did. The man didn’t look nervous at all, but he didn’t look like the cocky asshole Louis had been expecting either. Louis continued to brace himself as he took in the simple Ramones shirt and jeans the man was wearing, when something Louis hadn’t been expecting happened.

The man began to play his guitar, and he was good.

And then, the man began to sing.

Or the one where Louis has all the pressure of his sophomore album and none of the inspiration, but maybe all he needs is someone like Harry Styles to turn all that around.

Oh Honey, Honey (4k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Louis hated honey. He didn’t like the flavour, he didn’t understand why some liked it in their tea, he hated when it was put on sandwiches or cake or anything really. But, standing stock still in front of a rather large display of honey in that 24-hour Tesco, Louis found himself grabbing the largest jar of “100% pure London-local honey” and adding it to his trolley, simply because he knew it would make Harry smile.

Louis always wanted to make Harry smile.

Or the one where Louis pines after Harry, Harry is passionate about helping save the bees, and a late night shopping trip gone wrong doesn't end quite as horribly as Louis imagines.

You Don’t Care About Me (One More Night) (60k) - Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson

“Nick. You’re into guys. What should I do?”

Nick snorted. “You think just ‘cause I’m gay, I know what you should do?”

Louis blinked at him and Nick admired his eyelashes against his will. “Well. Kind of, yeah.”

“That is not how this works,” Nick said. “Besides, it’s not like you can just go and suck someone’s dick to be sure you like it the way I did. You’re too famous to try it my way.”

Louis’ expression changed to one of awe. “That’s how you figured it out? You sucked some random’s dick?”

Nick shrugged. “Yeah. Basically. I mean, I knew for pretty damn sure before that, mind you, but that did solidify the matter for me.”

“I need to suck a dick,” Louis said, turning to look at the wall of Nick’s room.

“You could suck mine, if it would help,” Nick offered before he could stop himself.

Or the one where Louis pines for Harry and Nick helps ease his way into figuring himself out through a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. Things quickly turn complicated.

A Taste of Honey (3k) - Greg James/Louis Tomlinson

Louis opened the door expecting someone with Deliveroo. Instead his gaze lifted so he could look at a very frazzled, incredibly fluffy haired Greg James who was inexplicably holding out a very large jar of honey.

“Hello, Gregory,” Louis said slowly.

Shifting around, Greg stepped forward and held the honey out towards Louis again. “This is for you.”

“Erm, alright,” Louis said before carefully taking the heavy jar from him. “Thank you?”

Greg flashed a wide grin, nodded, and then without another word walked back out the front door of the building.

Or the one where Louis has been pining after Greg ever since he started his job. Greg randomly showing up at his flat with a jar of honey might be just the push Louis needs to finally talk to the man.

Just Like Honey (3k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Louis opened the door and he looked so soft and beautiful. He was in a ratty pair of grey joggers and that was it. Harry had never seen him look so good.

When Harry finally raised his eyes from Louis’ chest, he realised Louis had likely said something.

“Uh,” Harry said, clearing his throat. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Smirking a little, Louis crossed his arms and popped his hip. “I said, ‘Hello, Harry. What brings you here so late on a Saturday?’”

Then his brain kicked in.

“Right, fuck. Hi, Louis. I just wanted to give you this.”

Louis’ brows creased as Harry held the honey out to him. Taking the jar from Harry, he said, “Honey?”

Nodding, Harry said, “Yep. Hope you have a great night!”

Fisting his hands at his sides in frustration, Harry left the building as quickly as he could.

Honey, Honey, How You Thrill Me (3k) - Greg James/Harry Styles

Harry knocked once more before coming to the conclusion that knocking for longer than that was rude.

He’d just decided to leave when the door opened.

“Fuck, you were asleep, weren’t you?”

“Well, it’s past 8, so yeah, basically,” Greg said with a yawn.

God, he’d been asleep for over an hour. Harry was the worst.

“I’m so sorry. Here. Take this and get back to sleep. I’m so incredibly sorry for waking you up,” Harry babbled, shoving the jar of honey into Greg’s hands.

Greg looked at the jar then back up at Harry, still not saying anything. Probably because his brain was still asleep just like his body would’ve been if Harry hadn’t been a fucking idiot.

“Sorry again!” Harry said before giving a lame wave and rushing off to the nearest tube station.

Or the one where Harry pines after fellow Radio 1 DJ Greg James but doesn't know how to start a conversation with him...until he gets the needed inspiration.

Our Love is Timeless (6k) - Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes

He rinsed out his shampoo and began to scrub at his body. Turning around to rinse his back and wash his front, Shawn was not prepared to be met with a cursing blond Irishman.

Letting out a rather loud, high pitched scream and covering himself as best he could, Shawn backed up into the wall behind him, which also turned off the shower.

“Thanks, mate. Was hoping not to get my clothes entirely soaked,” the man said as he began stepping out of the shower stall. “Say, what year is it?”

“I...what?” Shawn sputtered. “You just show up, fully clothed, in a stranger’s shower and your first question is what year it is? How the fuck did you get in here? Why my shower? Who are you?”

“Well, yeah. I guess so. I’ve not quite got a handle of the whole time traveling thing yet.”

Or the one where Shawn falls for Niall, who just happens to be a time traveler. The course of true love never did run smooth.

Like Honey to the Bee (3k) - Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson

Nick didn’t even remember knocking, but suddenly the door he also didn’t realise he was leaning on opened and he started falling inside Louis and Harry’s flat.

“Fuck,” Nick blurted as he tried to right himself. He was caught by Louis, which was great because he was exactly who he wanted to see and he didn’t really fancy dropping a massive jar of honey on his doorstep.

“Nicholas?” Louis asked.

Nick couldn’t help it. Hearing Louis call him by his full name made him shiver. He usually hated it, but there was something magical about Louis Tomlinson that made the usual negative association suddenly become an incredibly positive one.

“I brought you honey,” Nick blurted as he handed Louis the jar.

“I can see that,” Louis said, sounding confused. “Thanks?”

“Of course! It’s what friends do, yeah?”

Or the one where Nick has been trying to find a way to get past the banter stage with Louis for ages, and honey might be just what he needs to finally do so.

Rings and Things (2k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Niall: I know you’re a lesbian and all, but this is fast even for you

Or the one where Harry wakes up after a night of drinking to find her bed isn't empty and there's a ring she's never seen before on a very important finger.

The Only Thing That Keeps Me Grounded (28k) - Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

“Shit, I definitely missed the last train.”

“Oh no,” Louis lamented. “I’d offer a ride, but I’m part of a carpool and we’re full already. I’m so sorry.”

“Really, it’s fine.” Then, what Louis said sank in. “Wait, I thought you were here alone?”

“Oh, I am. I’m the only one dancing here tonight. The others were working. In fact, here’s Nick now.”

It felt like slow motion as a tall, lanky man with incredible hair came walking over towards Louis. He smiled before pulling Louis into him and giving him a quick kiss.

“Nick, this is my new friend Harry. He just moved to the area and he’s amazing at swing. Harry, this is my husband, Nick.”

Fuck.

Or the one where Harry moves to Washington DC to be a nanny and never expects that his past struggles with love will be brought to a head. He definitely never expects the solution to it all will be the man of his dreams that just so happens to be married to the other man of his dreams.

A Halloween M(ass)hap (1k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Harry was never going to forgive Niall. He’d been so distracted by his roommate’s cleaning and fussing while he had been looking for the perfect trousers for Liam’s annual Halloween fancy dress party that he’d not realised the black leather trousers he’d chosen to complete his vampire look were arseless.

Of course there was a no return policy, so he’d done the only thing he could do in order to not waste the money he’d already forked out online for the damn things: he added a cape.

Surely, nothing could go wrong.

I Wanna Love (Like You Made Me Feel) (28k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

By the time Harry and Louis are eighteen years old, they've known each other all four years of high school. Through those years, they never have a real chance to spend time together just the two of them. The summer after graduation gives them that chance, and it changes just about everything.

Ten years later, Louis returns home feeling like a failure after losing his job and not knowing where to go next. He never expects to run into Harry again, much less rekindle their friendship. Could this finally be their chance to finish what they started all those years ago, or did they really miss their chance at love?

Swipe Right for a Clean Flat (3k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Harry was done. He was over this shit. He literally only asked his flatmate to do one chore, and that was the washing up. He couldn’t even handle a few plates and cups. Harry obviously overestimated him.

Louis wasn’t that bad. It was just that he only did the washing if he was going out to pull and wanted to bring someone home. If the dishes were put away, that was how Harry knew to vacate the premises. There was no way he was going to listen to yet another girl moan Louis’ name while Harry laid in bed and wondered what it might be like if only Louis liked men.

Glaring at the full sink and debating washing up himself - again - Harry finally turned and stalked to his room.

“Dire circumstances,” Harry muttered as he picked up his phone and unlocked it.

Or the one where Harry and Louis are flatmates and Harry is tired of Louis not doing the washing up. He figures signing up on Tinder as a hot girl might be just the fix for this issue.

You’re a Nightmare, I’m a Disaster (7k) - Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson

As Nick scanned the shelves, his eyes caught on a bright blue binding. Snooki, it read, A Shore Thing.

“Oh my God,” Nick mumbled, trying not to laugh as he picked it up. He’d watched bits and pieces of Jersey Shore way back in the day.

Without bothering to look any further around the store, he headed up to the counter where Blue eyes was watching him. Nick cleared his throat nervously and set the book on the counter and the man immediately flashed him a look of disdain.

“Seriously? Out of everything we have available, you chose the book we special ordered for a customer?”

“Well, it can’t be that bad if someone specifically requested it, right?” Nick said, trying to keep a teasing tone.

“Why do you think we still have it if it was a special order?” the man asked with a scoff. “They returned it after reading something like three pages.”

Nick frowned at the book. “Well that doesn’t seem very fair.”

Or the one where Nick is a writer, Louis works in a bookshop, and things don't exactly start off on the right foot, but they might just end on it.

The Goat Guy of Bethlehem (26k) - Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

“What a pretty little thing!” a voice cried, catching Harry's attention.

Harry looked up, assuming it was a merchant talking to Gemma or some other “citizen” of Bethlehem, but when he did, he found a woman with bright eyes and long dark hair walking over to him.

“Me?” He wasn’t sure what to expect from any of this since she wasn’t a merchant he had met before.

“Yes, you! I think you’d make a very good husband for my son. Are these your parents?”

“Uh, yes?” Harry said, almost like a question. Robin and his mom just watched on with amusement, much to his chagrin.

Turning to Anne and Robin, the merchant woman said, “I’ll give you six goats for the marriage of your son to mine.”

Or every year, Harry and his family attend a church festival called Bethlehem. Harry's freshman year of high school Bethlehem expands, bringing in new vendors, including one that just might change everything for Harry. But first, he has to see if Anne and Robin are willing to part with him for the price of a few goats.

[aweirdkindofyellow]

The J.A.C.I.E. Project, Pt. 1

JACIE Jay-see \ d͡ʒˈe͡ɪsi \ See Jennifer Anna Clara Isabell Evans. An ambitious 21-year-old music student, striving to find her place in the industry.

JACK Jak \ d͡ʒæk \ A guy ten years older than Jacie, who takes a liking to her.

Chapter 1

My name’s Jacie. That’s Jacie with a c-i-e, not a s-e-y. It’s also not Casey. Just Jacie. Actually, that’s a lie, it’s Jennifer Anna Clara Isabell Evans, but I go by Jacie. It’s more like an acronym, really. None of my actual names ever sat right with me. When I was five years old, I was writing out my initials under a drawing and declared that I wanted to be called Jacie from there on out. Somehow both my parents entertained the idea and it stuck since.

They never agreed on anything. My parents, that is. Never. How they ever got married was beyond me. They couldn’t even agree on a name for me. My dad wanted to name me Jennifer Anna, and my mom wanted to name me Clara Isabell. There was not a single compromise that either of them could make. The only reason Jennifer Anna came first was because my dad was the one who got to write my names down for the birth certificate. It was only a good thing, otherwise I would have never found J.A.C.I.E. I honestly still do not know how they managed to stay together long enough to have my little brother, Benjamin Tobias Evans.

Ben was the light of my life. He was fourteen years younger than I was, making him six. The only reason why he had two names and not four like me was because I named him. Yet again, our parents couldn’t come to an agreement, so they gave me the honour. Not the greatest choice. I was thirteen when I made that decision and thought it sounded like a cool name from a young adult book. But, hey, at least he wasn’t named Jennifer Anna Clara Isabell Evans. Ben, or Benny as I sometimes liked calling him, was a very acceptable name.

He never got to know what life was like with two parents. My mom had left by the time he was one, they divorced soon after, and then my dad got full custody and my mom only had visitation rights. I was glad the court favoured my dad even though he also came with his downsides. Anything was better than the constant need for disagreement, though. Something in me knew it wasn’t even about differing opinions, it was about always wanting to be opposing the other’s view.

Luckily Ben never had to witness any of that. I spent many days in my life wondering why they wouldn’t get a divorce. It was the best for everybody even though it was so confusing. Anything was better than the screaming and unbearable bickering.

My little brother was the only reason I was where I was in life. I wanted to set a good example for him, that anything was possible as long as you put your mind to it. He didn’t exactly have a good role model in my mom, who was always more suited for the single life than the family life. Although he was only six, I wanted to show him that there was a way to have everything. I had a social life, good grades, and managed to work my ass off as well. It was possible. Hard, but possible.

I was in my last year of my college degree. I studied the very broad subject of music. My college did offer specialist courses, but when I began, I had no idea where I wanted to take it. Now, a few months over two years later, I knew it a lot better. Although I enjoyed performing, I liked the songwriting process just a little more. Better to say, I loved songwriting and producing. I also realised that this wasn’t a field I could just hop in and hope to get a good job in. I needed to do more to stand out.

That’s where internships came in. I knew I needed to get myself some work experience before I was thrown out into the real world. Nowadays there was no way to get a job anywhere unless you had five years experience in some software that had only been available for a year. I was sure to get ahead of that. I signed up for every internship that was even remotely relevant. It was the only way, especially with how competitive it all was in L.A.

And that’s how I ended up at the Fueled by Ramen L.A. offices. It was one competitive place. Rather than just coming in for one single interview. They had us come in in groups. It reminded me a lot of college orientation. We were shown around, trying to convince us to work there. But really, there was a large group of people and only two of us were going to be picked. Pretty torturous if you asked me; showing us how great it would be while not giving us the job. It was what it was.

I was standing there leaning against a wall after our tour was done, waiting for my name to be called up for our individual interviews. A water fountain was right next to me, meaning the others around me would often come up for a sip of water, giving me the usual awkward nod. It was all so strange and silent. We were waiting outside meeting rooms which were being used. Even if anybody wanted to, we couldn’t say much more than a quiet whisper.

All I could really do to fill the time was stare ahead, over everybody else, right at the wall at the end of the hallway, and tightly hold onto my folder. It had things such as my CV, the printed information sheet they wanted filled out, and other items I thought would help me look good.

There was this meeting going on in the meeting room just past the water fountain that had started even before we all arrived here. It seemed like quite the serious one. Not that I expected anything less. But there were quite a few people in there discussing something. It could only be important.

At one point, however, the frosted glass door opened and somebody walked out. I didn’t even bother to look in the direction of the movement. Considering that I actually did need an internship, I didn’t want to stare as they left the room, making them uncomfortable and feel like they’re being judged. We’ve all been there before. It’s not great.

They walked up to the water fountain, leaning over and taking a quick drink. I just shuffled over a little to give them some more space, assuming they’d leave in no time. But then I noticed a pair of eyes staring right at me. I finally looked at the person who had left the meeting and saw a guy. He definitely had either dark brown or black hair naturally, but now it was bleached to an ash blonde. I mean, it definitely didn’t look like his real hair colour with that black beard and those bushy eyebrows.

“Hi.” He smiled as soon as I made eye contact with him.

“Hello.” I nodded back politely.

“What’s going on here?” He asked in a whispered tone as he scanned the hallway full of people.

“We’re all here for internship interviews.” I shrugged and held my folder a bit tighter, matching how quiet he was being. “Only two of us will actually get it, though.”

He whistled lowly and squinted his eyes just a little. “What do you think your chances are?”

I hummed, taking another look at everybody around me. “Not that great, to be honest. I’m the youngest here.”

“Age doesn’t matter.”

“It does in the job world, unfortunately,” I corrected, briefly taking another glance at him. He was pretty good looking really. “Either way, I’m sure there’s people here who are more suited for the positions. I’m not really the ‘Experience Management’ type.”

“No?” He raised an eyebrow and gave me a small smirk. “What type are you then?”

“More of the songwriting and producing type,” I confessed. Maybe it wasn’t great to tell somebody here that I didn’t feel like I was a good fit when I was just minutes away from going to an interview to convince them that I was the best candidate.

“Oooh,” he approved with a big sexy grin, “the best part.”

“Are you in the music sector?”

“I am indeed, yes.”

Then something hit me. I was in some record label’s office after all. “Is that why some people here are staring nervously at you?”

“Yup.”

“Nice.” I gave him a respectful nod. “Signed artist.”

“You know it.” A sly smirk appeared on his face. Before the conversation had a chance to die down, for him to part ways with me and get back to his meeting, he quickly added, “what’s your name?”

I subconsciously looked down at that information sheet I was holding on top of my folder and answered. “Jacie.”

“Are you giving me a fake name?” He happened to take a peak at what I was looking at and saw what I had scribbled down on the paper.

“No.” I shook my head and gave him a little more access, pointing at each of my names individually. “J, A, C, I, E. That’s Jacie.”

“Wow, that’s a signed artist thing to do,” he laughed softly.

“Tell five-year-old Jennifer that,” I sighed and gave him a disappointed look. “Always the diva.”

He gave me a good look over and the smirk returned yet again. “You wanna go out for drinks tomorrow evening?”

I pursed my lips together. “I actually already have plans then.”

“Oh, do you?” He challenged.

“You see, I’m turning a measly twenty-one tomorrow, so I’ve got quite a few other things on my roster.”

“Twenty-one,” he breathed out, “you are indeed a young one.”

“Hey, I warned you,” I defended myself.

Before the flirting could continue for any longer, the name ‘Jennifer Evans’ was called out. It was time to leave the hot guy, who’s name I didn’t even know, behind. I pushed myself off the wall and gave him a salute before walking myself to the dreadful interview room.

[streetlites]

“Hey, boss? Rourke just radioed ahead and said to get you ready to come out of the block.”

“Tell him to come back later, I don’t feel like talking right now.”

“I told him, but he insisted. Says your wife is here.”

I sat up, my muscles screaming in protest. I had pushed myself too hard in the yard this morning with the weights trying to push a dream I had of her out of my mind. It had been one of those where you saw everything from above – vivid red lips parted, lipstick smeared a little from our activities, “Cojeme mas duro – asi, asi. Like that, daddy.” I squeezed my eyes shut, she was torturing me and I hadn’t even so much as heard from her since I was first locked up.

“Did she bring a lawyer with her?” I wouldn’t put it past her to try and force a divorce – to come in person so I’d know how bad I fucked up. And I had, but I kept telling myself It’s only for a few months. When I had told her that after my arraignment she had told me that I’d be doing those months alone. Afterward, I kept expecting to be served papers, but it never happened. I guess I got hopeful that she’d wait it out for me.

“Uh, I don’t think so? He didn’t say.” Well, that was good. Probably.

Rourke approached and relieved the guard that I had been talking to. He waited until he had left before unlocking the cell, “We need to talk,” he said in a lowered voice, barely audible over the loud din of the block.

“Emilia’s here?” I asked, careful to keep the hopeful tone from my voice.

“That’s what we need to talk about. We have an agreement,” he says, teeth clenching together to hiss out the last word. She’s pissed him off somehow. Not a divorce then, very good. I nod slightly to acknowledge what he’s saying and he continues, “She shows up here with pictures of me, saying that I have to release you or she’ll make them public. She won’t listen when I told her that you agreed to all of this. She says she doesn’t care.”  He’s gradually getting worked up as he speaks, his face growing redder and redder but all I feel is relief – she’s here to get me.

“I’ll speak with her,” I say, my mind flashing to the dream. I’m starting to plan; I’ll kick Rourke out once I see her, spread her out on that desk and –

“You do that. You make that bitch understand that,” he stops when he notices that I’ve stopped walking. I stare at him, my rage building, daring him to say anything more. He looks fearful, but Rourke has an image to maintain here so he puffs himself up, and stupidly opens his mouth, “You- you tell that bitch of yours that I’m not going to be pushed around like that. I’m –“

His head thuds dully against the heavy glass of the guard room and I nod my head to the guard inside who shrugs his shoulders and leaves. Rourke struggles against me and I push my arm harder against his neck. I can feel the cartilage in his throat crackle as I apply more pressure. If I press a little more I know I’ll cave his windpipe. “You will not call my wife a bitch again, do you understand?” I ask and he weakly nods his head, his increasingly bloodshot eyes wide.

I release him and his hand goes to his throat as he coughs violently. “You’ve got the wrong idea about our relationship here, Rourke. We are not equals. I could have killed you and no one would have done or said anything. If I can do that in here, I can do that when you’re commissioner. Remember that.” He looks up at me with undisguised hatred. He’s going to be a problem. “I’ll see myself to your office, go to dinner.” He hesitates and begins to open his mouth –“I said I’ll speak to her. But if you come in that office uninvited, you won’t be leaving it alive.” I warn. His shoulders slump, defeated and he, thankfully, walks away. I meant what I said, but it would be a pain in the ass to cover.

My mood lightens as I make my way to his office where she’s waiting for me. I wonder what had happened that made her change her mind. I resist the urge to run but I quicken my steps. I stop dead in my tracks at the familiar face standing outside the office – Woo-jin fucking Park. “Jay,” he nods, using the old nickname he had for me when we were friends.

“Park,” I answer back. I don’t care why he’s trying to get on my good side. We haven’t been friends in years and I don’t care to be friendly now. Especially not when my wife is pissed at me and her ex-boyfriend is standing outside of the room she’s in. I see her through the window – and I’m feeling increasingly less friendly when I see what she’s wearing. That necklace – his necklace and that dress that she’s filling out so well. If he’s so much as breathed on her, I’ll fucking kill him.

She’s watching me when I enter the room. I close the door and stand in front of it, looking for any signs that she’s been with someone else. Em liked it rough and if she reached the point where she decided to be with someone else, she wouldn’t spare my feelings by trying to cover it up. But as I looked her over, I saw nothing, just how short the dress was – the cut in the thigh highlighting the line where her inner thighs started, the plunging neckline – god, had her tits gotten bigger? I felt my dick straining against my jumpsuit.

She bit her lower lip when her eyes darted down to see what even looking at her was doing to me and crossed her legs, briefly flashing lacy white panties. My lips curled up in a lazy smile and I crossed my arms, if the sight of me was doing this to her it told me all I needed to know; she wasn’t with Gene at all.

“You look like shit,” she said, breaking eye contact and getting off of the desk to put distance between us.

“I apologize. I haven’t seen my wife in two months so I’ve let myself go a little. You look amazing.” I’m not going to let her off that easy. I follow her around the desk and wrap my arms around her waist to pull her against me. I want to feel her, and everything in me throbs as I rub against her ass. I gently squeeze her breasts, savoring the ragged way she breathes when I flick my thumb over a hardened nipple. I start to pull up the skirt of her dress and suck on the back of her neck. She moans and I bend her over the desk, all I can think about is taking off that thong and tasting her. I’m so engrossed with falling into her that the suddenness of her moving away and slapping me hard is shocking. “Okay, I deserved that,” I confess.

“You think?” she says angrily, still breathing hard, her face flushed. I lick my lips and try to reach for her again. She smacks my hands away but I’m successful in pulling her back in.

She moves to hit me and I catch her wrist, “I deserved the first one,” I admit and she narrows her eyes, “but I’m not just going to sit here and be your punching bag.” I pick at the necklace she’s wearing, “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about it. I knew you wouldn’t agree but is this – bringing Park along really necessary?”

She scoffs, “You don’t know a fucking thing, Yulian. I didn’t invite him here, he’s my assassin.”

I loosen my grip and she pulls away. I’d been stupid. I thought her being my wife would protect her, that my family name would scare off anyone looking to fuck with her. “Who hired him?”

“Who the fuck do you think? Ricci, the old cunt. I knew I should have killed her when we first got here.” She shakes her head, “I appreciate her trying to scare me off before just killing me. I’m going to repay the favor.”

“How?” I asked, concerned. Emilia had a way of going all in when she was pissed, single-mindedly destroying whatever was in her way.

“What does it matter to you if you’re in here? I’ll deal with it. And I’ve got to do it quickly before… before-“ she looks like she’s compartmentalizing whatever she’s worried about. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, “You need to go home.” She pauses and, looking back, I know the next sentences she said were hard to admit, given how pissed she was at me. “I need you to come home. I can’t wait until November.”

“Em…” I said softly.

“You don’t understand,” she says. She takes my hands and puts them over her stomach. “In a few months, I won’t be able to fight.”

“Are you…?” I ask, scarcely believing what she was subtly telling me. I mean, it made her sickness make sense and we’d been fucking without protection for months but she’d been on the pill – I hadn’t really considered that we could have…

“Yes,” she answered.

  I’d set the city on fire if anyone thought to hold me to the old deal.

[mikeyhatesit113]

forever and never: Chapter 5

Our loud voices go back and forth, shouting from opposite ends of the apartment. It’s another fierce argument, most certainly from another insecure moment.

She screams at me, defending her position. I shout back, following her as she walks away into the kitchen. More words are fired like speeding bullets. They are vicious words with intent to harm.

I say something that strikes a nerve.

Janie balls her fists and slams them into a country style window wall decoration, shattering the glass. The shards rain down upon the floor, and the anger immediately evaporates.

There is only sorrow, now.

I walk up to her slowly, sobbing as I take her hands into mine. There are cuts.

“Why did you do that?”

Welcome to Hell.

The most prevalent emotion that overshadowed this period of time was anxiety.

Will she go back to Jay?

Anxiety.

Rushing home to make sure I’m there to witness Jay picking up the kids, so I’m not blindsided if she jumps in the car and rides off with him.

Anxiety.

The deleted text exchanges and phone calls I wasn’t there for.

Anxiety.

During a time when we were supposed to feel more secure than ever, security was nothing more than a mirage.

How can you have trust, when you’ve built your foundation on lies and secrets?

In all those pop songs you hear on the radio about wanting someone else’s “bae”, none of them really cover what happens after you finally end up together.

Well I will.

From a personal standpoint, I was on a tight rope with no safety net. I was estranged from my friends and family, and my father had dropped off all of my personal belongings on Janie’s porch. I was no longer playing with house money. In the event of a breakup, I would be homeless.

The first few months were very uneven, to put it lightly. Everything between Janie and I was a question, including if the divorce papers would actually be signed. Though the process was well underway, I also knew that it could be terminated at any point.

That fear persisted until I found out that Jay started seeing someone new. Her name was Tawny, and she would later become his wife.

Things changed for Janie, as she was no longer able to try to walk into Jay’s apartment when picking up the kids. Janie would march up to his apartment but Tawny would stop her at the door and do the exchange from there.

After Jay started dating Tawny, you could feel the dynamic change in our own relationship. I felt slightly more secure now that Jay was moving on, and if I had to guess, Janie felt more locked in to her situation with me, though maybe not entirely by choice.

As fate would have it, Jay and Janie finally signed their divorce papers.

I remember that day like it was only yesterday, the anxiety turning my stomach upside down as I watched her leave for the notary to get everything finalized. I stood there in the quiet apartment alone, fear stoking images in my head of them changing their minds at the last second.

I dumped some ice cubes in a glass before pouring myself some iced tea, trying to calm my nerves. I took a sip and was horrified to find a dead fly sticking out of the top frozen cube.

A friendly greeting from the Gods.

Though I’ll never know what was said between them, it’s hard to envision Janie being strong, signing papers with no emotion, and dissolving a union she had seemingly fought so hard to dispose of. There’s no doubt in my mind that she was emotional that day, and I wouldn’t have put it past her to try to save her marriage at the buzzer.

Nevertheless, Janie returned home that day on the verge of tears, papers signed. Upon being questioned, she simply offered it was because it was the end of one chapter of her life, and the beginning of the another. I eagerly accepted this explanation.

The holiday season soon followed, and Janie and I hosted Thanksgiving, as I had been informed by my father that I was not welcome at my own family’s annual celebration. “Why don’t you sit this one out?” I recall him telling me over the phone.

I’d say that our own Thanksgiving was a success, but I was recently informed by a reliable source that Janie reached out to Jay in tears because she didn’t know how to cook a turkey. So, maybe Thanksgiving wasn’t as special of a day as I previously thought.

However, Christmas was a guaranteed success. Among some other trinkets I put a lot of thought into, I bought Janie a brand new Hamilton Beach blender. Admittedly, she did seem rather underwhelmed.

Turns out, this blender was a very different type of gift than the previous gifts she was accustomed to receiving from Jay in past years. Apparently, Janie was used to gifts of the higher priced variety, including jewelry, name brand items, etc.

20 year old Ekim Pper had a long way to go in finding out what women really wanted, evidently. I thought it was a nice blender, anyway.

Janie liked nice things, and who could blame her? I saw further evidence of this when I bought a newer vehicle, and she didn’t seem too thrilled about it. My vehicle was over 15 years old, and it had finally given out on me. After buying a Toyota Matrix from a pre-owned lot, Janie questioned why I got to drive the newer car while she had to drive her older vehicle.

Without hesitation, Janie and I went back to the pre-owned dealership and she drove off the lot with a new Toyota of her own. Both vehicles were solely in my name, as from my understanding, getting any kind of approval may have been difficult for her.

As for her older vehicle, which was almost 10 years old and still had a high balance on it due to questionable refinancing moves, one might speculate that it was repossessed. Who knows?

I had always depended on Janie to manage our finances, but I questioned this thought process following a visit to Taco Bell one day.

I pulled up to the drive-thru window and handed my debit card to the cashier as she handed my drink to me. I was carefully placing the drink in my cupholder when I heard the drive-thru window open quickly.

“Your card was declined, do you have another method of payment?” she asked. “Uh,” I said, searching my wallet quickly for magical cash I knew didn’t exist.

“I don’t,” I said, looking apologetically at her. “Oh...ok,” she replied awkwardly. “You can keep the drink,” she offered. “Thanks,” I muttered as I drove away. From that day forward, I took sole control of our finances. I never missed another payment, and my bank card has not been declined since that day.

Though things were moving forward, Janie and I still had tense moments. Our fights weren’t necessarily frequent, but when they happened, it was a powder keg. Especially when our venomous arguments happened in vehicles, in which Janie wasn’t above getting out of the car and traveling on foot.

Like that one night when she flung open the passenger door at a red light and began speed walking down a main road. Or that other time on a major roadway at a red light, when she got out of the car and angrily marched in front of 3 lanes of stopped traffic.

When the light turned green, not one car moved. Instead, they looked over at me and gestured me to cut over the 3 lanes so I could go after her.

We had become that couple.

Janie’s class reunion had even turned into a disaster for us.

I remembered Janie telling me about an old high school flame she had been unfaithful to Jay with. His name was “Westy”, and per my understanding, she had apparently slept with him right after Jay’s departure for boot camp.

At this class reunion, I would surely be coming face to face with “Westy”, and I wasn’t thrilled. Westy was no longer just a story. He was now a real life character I would be in the same room with.

We arrived to the restaurant where her reunion was being held, and we made small talk with a few of her classmates in the early part of the evening. Then, Westy appeared at the front of the room.

I looked over at Janie, and her eyes were dead locked on him. There was no mistaking it. I had never seen an eye fuck before, but if it’s a real thing, then I was seeing it right there. What was worse? Westy was staring back at her. “Uh, hello?” I said, waving my hand.

She couldn’t have cared less if I was standing there or not. All that seem to matter to her was that Westy noticed her too.

The reunion dinner itself was rather boring. I was barely 10 years old when most of these people’s glory days occurred, so I could not relate too much. However, word spread around that the afterparty was at a local bar with karaoke. No fear, Westy was coming too.

We arrived at the bar some time later, and Janie persuaded me to get up on stage and sing a song. I had a few drinks in me, so that helped. I mumbled my song selection to the DJ, and I stumbled up on stage. Papa Roach’s “Last Resort” started booming from the speakers, and I did my best to sell my premier performance in that sticky, smoky bar.

During the song, I even screamed, “Sing it, Westy!” He looked at me with the upmost curiosity, probably wondering how the hell I knew his name.

After my performance, the night started winding down, but Janie seemed to forget I was even there. This of course pissed off Liquid Courage Mike and convinced him to leave the bar on foot. The bar wasn’t located too far away from our apartment, so I was prepared to walk. Moments into my journey, I heard a car approaching from behind. The car pulled up to the side of me, and an irate Janie was staring at me from behind the wheel.

Jealousy was in no short supply.

You could say that our relationship became more strained when she called me one day. “Hey, come to Sheila’s house,” she said. This was an odd request, as I was never invited to Sheila’s house to casually hang out. I arrived at Sheila’s moments later, and Janie was sitting with Sheila and her husband Harry on their porch. “So, Sheila and Harry have an interesting proposition for us,” she said, smirking. “They’re moving full time to their condo at the beach, and they want us to move into their house,” she said.

“And it’ll be a rent-to-own deal, if that’s what you guys decide you want to do,” interjected Harry.

This was one of those scenarios in life when even though someone is asking you something, you know that ‘no’ is not an acceptable answer. I did not trust Sheila and Harry, and I did not want to do what was being proposed.

We had a good thing going in our upstairs apartment. The rent was cheap and the space was perfect. If we moved to Sheila and Harry’s, our rent would go up $350 immediately.

On top of that, we also could not use their garage and pool, and we had to reserve a room just for them for when they decided to come home and visit.

It would still be their house. We would just be house-sitting, so to speak.

Janie, myself, and the boys moved in anyway despite my reservations. I’m not even sure Janie felt like she could say no, as Sheila and Harry were her bosses as owners of the daycare.

That Fall of 2009, I would say that Janie and I enjoyed the most normal stint that our relationship would ever see. Though we were getting completely ripped off, that house served as somewhat of a fresh start for us. Though we lost the comfort of that apartment, the bad juju of the early goings went with it as well.

We enjoyed a pleasant Halloween season, a comfortable Thanksgiving stretch, and a festive Christmas time. That year, I felt proud of the Christmas day we were able to provide for the boys. It felt right, and I was happy with where we were.

The calm before the storm.

Remember? This is Hell.

Shortly after the New Year, Harry began demanding an answer on if we were going to purchase the house from them or not. In my estimate, he was becoming worried that we might damage something and decrease the house’s value.

That demand for an answer turned into an ultimatum; buy it, or get out.

Of course, I couldn’t hide my frustration with Janie, and she knew it. It had been her call to move into this house, and after a few short months, we were facing an unofficial eviction.

I wasn’t buying that old ass house. Harry could take its 1800’s-era piping and shove it up his...well, you get it.

So we had to find a new place to live in a short amount of time, and to our credit, we found one pretty quickly. It was a small cape cod house with a nice backyard. The bad part? It was another $100 hike in rent. But desperate times called for desperate measures. We moved in. Another “fresh start”.

Janie experienced a “fresh start” of her own, as she dropped a lot of weight in a short period of time. She enlisted in a weight loss program and the results came fast. I noticed a change in her attitude and confidence, as well as her physique. Unfortunately, someone else noticed her too.

Perhaps, this situation started with the day I came home from work and napped. As my days started at 5am, I usually tried to do this before Janie and the boys got home. That afternoon, I woke up to her footsteps coming up the stairs to our bedroom. I watched her walk across the room and sit on the bed, staring at me intently.

“Do you remember when you told me that if I needed time, to take it?” she asked.

I considered her words, coming out of my sleep fog. Was she referring to the advice I had given her 2 years earlier during her confusion with me and Jay?

“Uh, yeah?” I responded.

“Well I’m gonna need that time.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, bewildered. Panic rose in my chest. I had felt this feeling before, this desperation.

“I’m going to stay at my mom’s for the night,” she said, getting up and walking toward the stairs.

“Wait, what? I have no idea what the fuck is going on,” I exclaimed, getting out of bed and following her.

But there was no reasoning with her. She had her mind made up, and I was completely in the dark about what had happened to make her feel that way. There were no recent arguments or disagreements that could have triggered this.

She left.

I watched her drive away, knowing there was nothing I could say or do. I didn’t bother driving after her, as I knew that would do no good. I was also not the type to drive by her mom’s house, nor psychotically blow up her phone with calls and texts.

What good would it do?

I didn’t hear from her at all that night, and that fucking tore me apart. I barely slept, as I could not shut my mind off. My heart also skipped a beat with every distant noise, as for a fleeting moment, I hoped that she had decided to come home after all.

I went to work the next morning, and at some point during the day, we finally talked. She was ice cold over the phone, but I convinced her to at least come home and talk to me. I rushed around at work that day, making sure I was at home in time for her to arrive.

The air was humid that day despite the rain. The kind of air that with every breath, you could feel it cling to your lungs. I waited on the front porch steps, practically having panic attack. Mercifully, I saw her car pull up to the curb moments later and she got out. Walking up the sidewalk to the porch, she didn’t even look at me. She walked right past me into the house, and I followed her inside.

She stood there in the middle of the living room, examining me as if I were a repulsive specimen. I fell to my knees, sobbing.

“Look at you! You’re pathetic! You look just like he did,” she hissed, referring to Jay.

“What did I do?” I cried.

“We’re just not good together, we fight all the time, and you never even proposed to me!”

I had to think fast. I wanted this to be over. I wanted things back to normal.

“I was going to,” I lied. “On November 1st.”

I saw her expression break, and she walked over to me, embracing me. I hugged her tightly back.

Forgetting her cruel words. Forgetting that I felt as pathetic as she said I looked.

Days later, our world fucking imploded.

The boys had gone to bed, and her and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. I casually looked over at her and couldn’t help but notice how intently she was focused on her phone. Her fingers rapidly typed away, and the world away from her screen was forgotten.

I smirked to myself as I reached over and pretended to yank her phone away from her.

What I wasn't expecting was the fucking death grip she held on this thing, and then she stood up abruptly. “What’s this all about?” I asked, suddenly angry. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing,” she said defensively, swiping away at her screen, closing the apps.

She finished swiping and held her phone out to me. “Want to check?” she asked sarcastically.

“No, I’m good, now that you already hid it away.”

A really bad argument erupted, and we went to bed in an uneasy stalemate. The next morning, we opened our eyes in bed, staring at each other and not saying a word. It’s like we couldn’t recognize each other anymore, or were we just now seeing each other for the first time?

She spoke, and in a few short words, she said it was over.

“If it’s over, then make sure you tell the boys,” I said.

Janie then shot out of bed and flew out of the bedroom. I heard the door of the boys’ room open and she came back into our bedroom, the two boys following her. They were confused and out of it, just being woken up. She sat them down in front of me, and told them in a sickly sweet voice, “Guys, Mikey and I are no longer going to be friends anymore.”

I couldn’t believe it. My heart was torn right out of my fucking chest. I was destroyed and so upset, I ran to the bathroom dry heaving.

She started packing bags and taking them to her car. She took Brock out to the car to strap him in to the car seat as James stood there in the living room, unsure of what to do.

“I don’t know why she’s doing this, James,” I said, tears leaking from my eyes. “I love you, and I love your mommy. I wish I could tell you what’s going on, but I honestly don’t know.”

I hugged him, and Janie came back into the house, giving me a poisonous look. She took James and walked out of the house as James was telling her, “He loves you, mommy! He really means it! He loves you!”

Janie’s car tore off down the street, and I was alone. Again.

I got into my car and drove to my sister’s house. I was in pieces, and I hugged my young nephews tightly. A sobbing, 22 year old fucking mess.

And I deserved every fucking bit of it.

My sister was on board with taking me in temporarily, and she cleared out one of their 3 bedrooms for me. There was little peace, and no rest. I didn’t sleep that night either, and I couldn’t be consoled. I was more tortured than ever. Of course, I heard nothing from Janie.

The next day, I borrowed a box truck from work and moved my stuff out of the house. A co-worker, Bill (remember that name), his girlfriend, and my brother-in-law were a little army that picked up any box that was mine. I did not remove any furniture, and I did not touch the boys’ room, whether anything of mine was in there or not. This was not their fault.

After moving, Bill and his girlfriend Monica invited me to poker night at a local bar. I didn’t like bars, or poker, but it was something to do.

In this stint, I’d even miss Brock’s birthday, which hurt even more.

Once again, I was single and in the business of trying to fill my time and block my destructive mind from tormenting me with images and thoughts. I didn’t know where she was or who she was with, and she sure as hell didn’t care about my whereabouts.

Or did she?

Days later, she called me while I was at work. She apologized, and just 3 days after I moved out, she asked me to come by the house to talk. I agreed to do so, and after work, I swung by the house.

“How are you?” she asked as I stepped into the living room. We hugged. Tightly.

And in the blink of an eye, all was ok again. I wanted to come back home. And she wanted me to come back home.

But, there was a catch.

“So, I just want to give you a heads up; the boys might mention that some man named “Corey” had come by my mom’s house, but I swear, he was only there to drop off his kids for Brock’s birthday party,” she said, looking at me closely for a reaction.

“Oh, ok,” I said, not wanting to fight about it.

Had I ever heard of Corey? No.

Did Brock have friends whose dad’s name was Corey? No.

Should I have asked more questions about Corey?

Yes.

But I didn’t have time, nor the will to fight anymore.

I just wanted to come home.

Besides, I was ready to propose to her.

To make sure this never, ever happened again.

Welcome to Hell.

Have you seen my hands? Just look at 'em shake. And the song just keeps on repeating, Drop the needle again. And I dance with your ghost, Oh, but that ain't the way. I can't move on and I can't stay the same, And all my friends say... Hey hey, turn the record over, Hey hey, and I'll see you on the flip side. There you go, turn the key and engine over Let her go, let somebody else lay at her feet.

The Gaslight Anthem “45”

NOTE: Though this is my side of the story, including my own personal recollections and opinions, the reader should not consider this note anything other than a work of literature. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

[seengularity]

The Road Trip (part two)

Pairing: Jensen x reader; some Jared flirting

Summary: Road tripping is something everyone wants to do. When you finally get the chance to do it, you end up meeting two very special men in the state of Texas.

Warnings: fluff?, sadness, adorableness, some kissing

A/N: Okay, I kid you not, this was a dream of mine I had several months ago and I had it written out since then. I was unsure if I should post it, but I always have dreams of Jensen/Jared or of Dean/Sam so I decided I wanted to share it with you all! SIDE NOTE: this is part two of the mini-series. FIND PART ONE HERE.

You woke up the next morning wondering where the hell you were. You usually slept in your car or in a cheap motel, but this was a hotel and had at least five stars.

You adjusted to your environment and then remembered the night before. You actually met the famous J-Rod and Jackles, as well as other cast members. Although what should have been a happy night, turned out to be depressingly terrible. Aside from drinking with Jensen and putting drunk Jensen to sleep with Jared, everything else that night was unfortunately unexpected.

You turned over in the bed, and noticed the small piece of paper Ruth gave you the night before. You wanted to call her, but didn't want to bug her at the same time.

You turned around again in bed, your back now facing towards the phone number. You tried going back to sleep, but your mind kept nagging you to call her. You didn't have to call her, you just wanted to call her and talk to her.

You decided you most likely wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. With a sigh, you got up and out of bed and showered and got dressed for the day

The phone number on the nightstand continued to nag at you, so you grabbed the number and decided to just call Ruth from your cell.

"Hello?" Ruth answered sweetly.

"Hi, Ruth? This is Y/N. We met last night?"

"Oh yes! I remember you. Is there anything wrong sweetheart?" Her voice went up a few octaves when she realized who was calling her.

"No, nothing's wrong really. I just felt like talking to someone."

"Okay, not a problem. I'm not busy doing anything right now. So tell me, how did you like the party last night? I know you left kind of early."

"Actually, Jensen convinced me to stay longer."

"Oh did he now? He's such a lovely lad," she said laughing.

"Yeah he's a cool guy. But the girls that he invited over were pretty crazy."

You suddenly remembered what Jensen told Daneel when he whispered to her the night before.

"Why are you acting like this? This is the reason why I'm signing those papers."

"Hey Ruth? Do you know if Jensen is divorcing his wife? I know it's kind of nosy to ask but I just heard something yesterday that made it seem like he was."

"Hm, I'm not sure, dear. He's very private with his personal life. He doesn't tell anyone anything, unless you're Jared."

There was silence on the phone. You didn't know what else to say and suddenly you regretted calling Ruth.

"Are you growing feelings for the man?" She says suddenly.

You were quiet for a few seconds, hesitating to answer truthfully or just lie. "I-I don't know. I'm most likely not considering I just met him yesterday morning."

"Dear, feelings grow as fast as weeds. If you have a beautiful heart, someone will fall in love with you quickly, and Jensen definitely has a heart made out of gold."

You began to question yourself. Can you actually have feelings for him already?

"You don't think it's kind of ridiculous to have feelings for someone you barely met?" You asked her.

She laughed softly, not in a mimick way, but more in a comforting way. "No, dear. Love waits for no one."

"But I don't love-"

"You don't have to love him. Love at first sight is realizing you have feelings for someone as soon as you meet them. It doesn't necessarily mean you fall in love with them as soon as you see them."

"Well it doesn't matter anyway. I won't ever see them again. I'm continuing my road trip around the states today," you told her.

"Aw, I was hoping to see you again. It was lovely talking to you and I certainly do appreciate that you called me today. I'm an aging woman, and the older I get, the more I love phone calls," she laughed.

The both of you continued to talk for a few more minutes until you decided that you had to go and pack your things up.

It took about an hour to pack your bags. You brought so many clothes with you on your trip that you're actually regretting it. Once you finally zipped up your last bag after wrestling with it to close, your cell phone began to ring.

You looked at it with uncertainty; you weren't expecting any calls. The ringing becoming annoying, you walked up to the phone and brought it to your ear.

"Y/N?" The familiar deep voice asked.

"Who is this?" You asked more confused now.

"It's Jensen! Please tell me you remember me."

You laughed at his assumption. "Of course I do. How did you get my number?"

"Um," he paused. "Ruth?"

"Ruth gave it to you?" You asked shocked.

"Yes. I hope you're not mad," Jensen said timidly.

"No, of course not. What's up?"

"Okay so," he began to say, "I'm having a pool party at my house right now. Do you want to come over?"

You hesitated to answer. If you go hang out with Jensen again, you won't be able to sight see. Which is more important? Hanging with Jensen or sight seeing?

"Okay I'll be there," you replied several seconds later.

"Oh okay good," he said letting out a breath.

The both of you said goodbye and hung up. You opened up your bags again, throwing your clothes all over the hotel searching for your bikini.

You finally found it in one of your big bags on the bottom. Of course.

You drove to Jensen's house but this time parked in the driveway. Cars from the night before were parked in the same spot and you wondered if some people stood over night.

You walked up to the door and turned the knob. To your surprise, it was unlocked. The inside of the house was quiet and you didn't hear any voices.

"Hello? Jensen?" You called out.

You began walking slowly, not sure where the pool actually was. The backyard you went in yesterday definitely did not have a pool in it.

You began to look around, when a pair of hands instantly went across your eyes.

"Jensen?" You asked out loud.

"Try again," the deep voice said.

"Jared?" You tried again.

"Ding, ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!" Jared removed his hands from your eyes and you turned around to see a shirtless Jared in swim shorts.

You raised your eyebrows in awe, and Jared laughed at your expression.

"You look, wow," you said.

"Thanks. You look wow yourself," Jared said checking you out.

You rolled your eyes and giggled like an embarrassing girl scout.

"Right well I have to use the restroom," Jared said urgently.

"Why didn't you just go in the pool?" You asked confused.

Jared grimaced. "I don't have to pee."

Your eyes went wide. "Oh, I'm sorry for holding you up then!"

Jared quickly ran to the bathroom, and all you did was laugh.

"Alright, so where is this pool at," you said to yourself.

You began walking around the house, searching for another backyard. You weren't sure if you walked into the same living room or if they were different ones. Several minutes later, Jared found you in the living room.

"What are you doing in here, the pool's out back?" He said pointing in the opposite direction.

"That's the problem. Where exactly is 'out back'?"

Jared grabbed your hand, and for the first time, you noticed how extremely large he was compared to you. His hands were about three times as big as yours.

The both of you finally reached the backyard that you were at yesterday. "Jar, I was here yesterday and I didn't see a pool."

"Because it was covered," he said as he walked outside still holding your hand.

You quickly pulled away before anyone could see, and you walked outside to see over fifty people in and around the pool. You hadn't realized how large the backyard was the night before, but then again, it was also dark out.

"Y/N! You made it!" Jensen said walking up to you completely wet. He hugged you, quickly submerging you in water with his wet body, and laughed when he noticed how wet you were and you weren't even in the water yet.

Jared walked away and jumped in the pool and left Jensen and you alone to the side.

"I'm so happy you came," Jensen said rubbing your arm.

"I'm happy I came too," you brought your hand up to Jensen's and kept it there.

"Come on, let's have some fun."

Your whole day was filled with hanging out with Supernatural cast members and having fun in the pool with Jared and Jensen. Ruth was surprisingly there as well.

"Want to play chicken fight?" Ruth came up to you and asked you with a devilish grin.

"Oh no thank you," you said shyly. You hated that game. Especially in the past when you were overweight and broke Timmy's neck in highschool.

"Come on, it will be fun. You can get on Jensen's neck and I will get on Jared's?"

You slowly began to swim away. "I don't think that's a very good idea-"

"What's not a good idea?" Jared asked from behind you.

"Playing chicken fight," Ruth said to him.

"I love that game! Hey Jay! Want to play chicken fight with Ruth, Y/N, and I?" Jared shouted from across the pool.

You looked at Jensen and he gave a two thumbs up to Jared.

"Wait, no I didn't-"

"So you're going with me or with Jensen?" Jared interrupted you.

Ruth began to speak. "You and I are partners and she's partners with Jensen."

You were definitely not looking forward to playing the stupid game when Jensen swam up to the three of you.

Jared stated that you and Jensen were partners and Jensen looked at you with a wide flirty smile, causing butterflies to swim through your stomach.

"Alright, so how do you want to get on?" Jensen asked you.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Jensen," you said quietly. "I broke a kids neck in high school from playing this stupid game."

Jensen warmly smiled at you. "Yeah but he also probably never benched two-ninety like I can," he said flexing his arm muscles.

"Take a little squeeze," he flirted.

You smiled and laughed at how corny he was being and squeezed his hard muscle. "Okay fine, you're right. Let's go to the shallow and I'll get out and get on your shoulders while you stay in the water."

You quickly got out of the pool and waited for Jensen to put his back up against the pool wall. You carefully sat down on the floor and placed your legs over his shoulders. This simple position felt intimate, but you knew it was nothing more than a stupid pool game.

You got comfortable on Jensen's neck, careful not to move too hard so you don't break his neck too. He placed his large hands on your calves, gently caressing them as you seated on his shoulders. You were so relieved that you actually remembered to shave.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Ready," you replied

Jensen slowly pulled away from the wall and you slightly wobbled but gained your balance. You approached Ruth and Jared, Ruth giving you a wide toothy grin.

"Okay, on our marks. Get set. Fight!"

You and Ruth grabbed for each other's hands as Jared and Jensen began wrestling with their hands too. Every one was moving everywhere and you almost lost your balance when Ruth went forward and pushed you. She almost lost her balance moving too forward, so you went for her and pulled her arms toward you, sending her crashing forward and into the water with Jared.

"Yay! We won!" You shouted down to Jensen.

"Alright!" He said. He gave you his hand and you high fived him.

Jensen went underwater and you climbed off of him. He came above the water and was smiling like a little kid.

"I knew we would win!" He said happily.

You watched as Jared and Ruth came above the water, laughing harder than ever.

"Alright guys. We get it, you won." Jared said shaking the water off of his hair like a dog.

"That was actually fun and intense," you said to Ruth.

"I knew you would have fun," she winked at you.

Jared and Ruth both went their separate ways in the pool, leaving you and Jensen alone on the other side of the pool.

From the side of your eye, you can see Jensen just staring at you. You looked at him, expecting him to look away, but he didn't, so you looked away.

"What are you staring at?" You asked embarrassed?

"What I can't stare?" He asked smiling.

"No, you can't Jensen! Stop staring at me or I will swim away!" You said swatting his arm.

"Oh so you feel my biceps once and now you think you're entitled to touch them whenever," he said laughing.

You began to laugh with him. "Like I said before, you're so dumb."

It began to get later, and you knew you would have to leave sooner or later.

The sun was setting but it was still humid. You were now just relaxing in the backyard alone, while everyone else was in the cool house.

You heard the back door open, wondering who it was but not caring enough to actually check. Several whispers later, you lifted your head and your sunglasses to see that the four evil females from the night before were now outside staring and glaring at you.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, continuing to relax on the chair.

"Should we tell her?" One of them says.

"No don't tell her," another one whispers.

"Why do you care anyway?" Another voice asks slightly louder.

You look up again at the girls and their mouths sudden clamped up. You grabbed your towel and your bag, and you approached them in confidence.

"S'there something you girls would like to tell me?" You asked lifting your sunglasses to your head.

"Should we tell her?" Gen asked Daneel.

Daneel shook her head. "No."

"Tell me what?" You demanded a little louder.

Mackenzie looked at them before speaking. "Jensen. We heard him say that he was going to help you get into acting."

"Acting? Why would he do that for?" You were confused. You never spoke to Jensen about wanting to act in your past years. You only told one person, but then again, that one person also gave him your cell number.

"Apparently you keep acting desperate and you've been begging him to help you out. Poor thing," Daneel said and they all laughed.

You rolled your eyes and you walked away from the four girls and walked inside the house. You didn't see Jensen anywhere and you didn't really know where the bathroom was to change into dry clothes.

So you went to the only room that you knew in the house.

You walked up the stairs, moving out of the way from the people walking down the stairs. You approached the familiar hallway from the night before, and walked up to the same familiar door.

To your relief, no one was in there. You closed the door softly and walked up to the large bed. You placed your bag on top and brought out your dry clothes. You turned your back towards the door, just in case someone barged in.

You released the string from your bikini top and let it fall loose around your body. You did the same to the bikini bottom and let it fall to your feet. Quickly grabbing your towel, you dried your body from your wet clothes and quickly grabbed your dry clothes to put on.

Not moving quick enough, someone barged into the room, catching you completely off guard, causing you to scream in terror. You lowered yourself so the person at the door couldn't see your bare body. You noticed it was Jensen at the door and he was staring at you in shock.

"I'm so sorry! No one was in here and I was going to quickly change, and I didn't know where the bath-"

Jensen was in a trance and he wasn't paying any attention to the words that were coming out of your mouth.

Continuing to duck behind the bed, you struggled to put your clothes on as Jensen never actually left the doorway, still in a trance from who the hell knows what.

You were officially dressed and you grabbed your bag and towel and walked up to him. "Hello? Jensen? You there?"

He ignored you and continued to stare at blank space. You shrugged your shoulders and walked back downstairs to join everyone else.

"What were you doing upstairs?" Jared asked as he seen you walking down.

"I was changing in Jensen's room," you said placing your bag on the floor.

"But he went up there like ten minutes ago," Jared furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Yeah, he almost seen me naked. When he barged into his room like a psycho, I hid behind his bed. But he was like stuck in a trance or something. He was being weird."

Jared smiled and winked at you. "He seen you naked."

"No he didn't. I hid myself before he did," you told him.

He shook his head. "No, I've known him for twelve years going on thirteen. I know what he's like."

You shook your head back. "And I know what happened."

Jared raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, don't shoot."

You rolled your eyes at him as he walked away with his drink.

Jensen had a clock nowhere in his house and you had no idea what time it was. You walked over to your bag to get your phone when you noticed it wasn't in there. You frantically began looking everywhere in your bag, searching your pockets and not finding anything.

You assumed you might have left it in Jensen's room, so you walked back up the stairs and into his room. He was no longer standing in the doorway and you had no idea where he had went because you never seen him go downstairs.

You walked around to his bed where you were changing and found your cell phone on the bed and your bikini top and bottom on the floor.

"Oops, forgot those," you said to yourself. You quickly grabbed your clothes and your phone and turned around to walk away.

Before you could actually go anywhere, Jensen was standing behind you. In an instant, Jensen grabbed your face with his large hands and kissed you long and hard.

You almost forgot what you were in the room for because you accidently dropped your things as Jensen continued to kiss you.

It was a great kiss. You didn't want it to stop. He wrapped his arms around your waist. At first you didn't know what to do with your hands. Then you decided to place them over his shoulders and push yourself into him even more.

The longer you kissed him the more it felt like you were the only two people in the house. He gently pulled away, out of breath and hair in a muss.

You must have looked the same way, because he grabbed you once more, and kissed you, this time harder. It almost felt like he didn't want to lose you.

This time, you pulled away first. "What was that for?" You asked out of breath.

"I've been wanting to do that since yesterday. And then I accidently seen you naked," he paused, and then continued. "I'm sorry if I over stepped my boundaries."

You shook your head. "So you see me naked once and you think you're entitled to kiss me?" You laughed, and then continued to talk. "It's fine really. You're a really good kisser."

Jensen laughed and then smiled at you but then frowned. "We won't see each other anytime soon, right? Because you're road tripping and you live in California."

You dolefully nodded your head. "Yeah, I'm sorry I wish I could stay. But I have my family and home in California."

"Well then I'm glad I was able to spend your two days of Texas with you, even though you didn't get to sight see."

You looked up at him and brought your hand up to his face and caressed his cheek. "The past two days might have been better than any sight I can see. I had a really great time, Jen."

You remembered what the girls told you outside and decided to bring it up. "Is it true you were going to help me get into acting?"

Jensen's eyes went wide in surprise and he hesitated to answer. "How did you-"

"The four girls. Megan, Mackenzie, Gen and Daneel. They were discussing it in front of me and then Mackenzie decided to tell me."

Jensen forced a fake smile. "Yeah I was going to actually tell you later on, but I see now I don't have to. But yeah, whenever you're ready, maybe after your road trip, you can give me a call if acting is still something you want to do."

"Ruth told you, didn't she," you smiled at him.

He nodded his head and smiled back. "Ruth told me."

The both of you walked downstairs and you noticed everyone was gathered in the living room.

"Get ready for the picture!" Someone shouted at you and Jensen.

The both of you rushed to get in front of the camera smiling and laughing as everyone made dumb faces and stupid poses for the camera. Several photo shots later, someone shouted, "Kissing time!"

Everyone grabbed a person and kissed them on the cheek, and you didn't know who to grab. Someone came up from behind you and grabbed you, kissing you on the lips. You noticed the camera flash go off, and you opened your eyes to see it was exactly who you expected it to be.

Jensen.

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