#lightyear zurg bots | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

Hideaway

The F/O? XR from Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. The S/I? Rachel Sparks - fifth ranger of Team Lightyear with a big heart for justice (and no glasses in this ‘verse because I suppose Nebula would surgically augment my eyes to make sure Zurg couldn’t rip the glasses off and stomp on them, which is a Zurg tactic). This one was meant to nestle into the episode “Wirewolf,” based on that throwaway line where XR hears from another ‘bot that the air vents are the best hiding place. See, that was the episode in which I most wanted to hug my poor scaredyboi when he was being done a frighten. I was originally going to do a lot more with that ep as material, but this is all I ever got down.

Oh, also, I moved this around so it was after “42″ which is why Sparks is angsty

***

The air vents were actually quite spacious. Almost suspiciously so, in fact. Circular in shape from the interior, their diameter was enough to comfortably fit a self-described fun-sized robot at standing height.

Which, at the moment, was the purpose they were serving. XR didn’t want to think of himself as cowering, though “hiding” he would admit to, just to himself. Sure, the vents were unlit and forged a winding labyrinth, but it was a whole lot safer in here than out there. Yes, there was a small chance that the energy vampire could find his way in here, but it was such a small chance that it wasn’t even worth entertaining. Definitely not worth entertaining at all.

When the sound of someone – something? – crawling down the metal pipe reached XR’s auditory processing, he instinctively popped all eleven guns, aiming them at the source of the noise. “One step closer – wait, step? Wing-flap? Do you even – GET ANY CLOSER AND I’LL GIVE YOU ENERGY, ALL RIGHT. ELEVEN ROUNDS OF IT.”

The reply of “Friendly fire me and my ghost will follow you around, singing Never Gonna Give You Up backwards, for the rest of your eternal life” gave XR a start. His eye-lights flickered into high brightness, illuminating the space before him, where Rachel was crawling into position.

“Eheh…sorry about that…” The guns were folded back into storage. “Thought you were…somebody else.”

“Yeah, I kinda picked up on that.” Rachel repositioned herself, leaning up against the curve of the wall and settling into a semi-comfortable sitting position. “Who built these vents, anyway? They’re HUGE.”

“You know, I am not gonna look the gift horse-droid in the mouth here.” XR put one hand on his side, leaning cockily as he fired Rachel a coy grin. “So. What’s a nice gal like you doing in an air vent like this?”

“Well,” Rachel began, “when you went missing, I figured you were hiding from NOS somewhere because you were scared out of your wits – “

“Scared? Me?” XR was snapped out of his smug act, speaking quickly. “No. I am not scared. You’re thinking of some OTHER robot who always panics whenever energy vampires are involved.”

“Riiiiiight,” Rachel replied with a smirk before continuing, “Anyway, I asked around and got the tip on the vents, and so then I started overthinking about NOS getting in here and cornering you in the middle of a dark, cramped air vent, and now YOU’RE probably overthinking about NOS getting in here and cornering you in the middle of a dark, cramped air vent, so, long story short, I thought you could use the company.”

“I was NOT overthinking it,” XR insisted. Then, rather meekly as he tapped his metal fingertips together, “I…wouldn’t mind if you stuck around a bit, though…”

This was good. It had been far too long since they’d talked like this. It felt right, natural, as easy as slipping on old shoes. While Rachel was well aware the break had been necessary for her to nurse her emotions, she now realized how much she’d missed this. How much she’d missed her friend. This was so much better, now that she was through with the thought of chasing his heart (metaphorically speaking, though she’d heard rumors of the LGMs having added a beanbag heart to his inner workings just to be cheeky).

“So,” XR suggested, “as long as we’re here, and will be here for the forseeable future until everyone else manages to short-circuit NOSy…”

Rachel knew that was absolutely not the pleasure they’d be allowed, but she let him carry on without interrupting.

She hadn’t seen when, exactly, he’d retrieved the pack of cards; he flicked his hand and the entire deck was fanned out in it. “The usual?” he asked.

“Deal me in,” she replied. “Let’s…not put a wager on this one, though.”

“Deal.”

Her first card: a three. The second was a two. “Hit,” she decided, seeing XR’s seven.

As he handed her a card, she pointed out rather nervously, “So, we’ve…kinda been on a hiatus.”

“Yeah, and what’s with that?” XR asked, suspicion rising in his voice.

“I had some shit to work out,” Rachel said calmly. And if there was anything she’d learned after all this time, it was how to not clue him in by overreacting. Though, really, now that the drama was over, what was the harm in him knowing? “Might tell you later. I really just wanna know what’s been up with you.” A consideration on her cards. “Hit.”

“Me?” XR replied. “Oh, you know…just…” An overly dramatic sigh. “Contending with the scars of heartbreak. Trying to erase the memory of 42 from my hard drive. Being unable to purge it. …Mostly because if I forgot about her, I’d probably try to go after her again, and boy, would that be awkward.” The look of suspicion returned. “But this is what you didn’t wanna talk about.”

“I worked out my shit,” Rachel stated calmly. “It’s all good. You may proceed.”

“It’s just…for all my life, all the decades I’ve wasted – “

“You’ve barely been online for a year.”

“ALL THE DECADES I’VE WASTED, I’ve been chasing one woman after another. Why? Who knows, really? The thrill? The allure of wanting everything I couldn’t have?”

“This sounds suspiciously like lines you stole from a trashy romance novel,” Rachel pointed out.

Without acknowledging that statement, XR went on; “And my nonexistent heart truly beat for no one, until I found her, and that was when I realized it didn’t just beat, but it bled – “

“THAT IS FROM MY FUCKING FANFICTION.”

The reply she received was a metallic wink. She stuck out her tongue in retaliation.

“But seriously,” XR condensed, “42 is the first woman I ever wanted to actually commit to. And you’d think I’d like being free of what a lesser man might call the ‘ball and chain,’ but the usual routine just doesn’t do it for me anymore. We were going to be partners. And I really, REALLY wanted that. I can’t just go back to throwing out bad pickup lines at every pretty face now that I know what being happy with someone REALLY feels like!” He paused. “Hit or no?”

It took Rachel a minute to realize he was referring to the game. She surveyed her cards. “Hit.”

“You have something really low under there.”

“You would know. You probably dealt me what you did on purpose.”

“Actually,” XR said, matter-of-fact, “I turned my algorithms off completely for this one. I’m playing on luck and risk evaluation.”

“So you’re saying you don’t have a perfect 21.”

“I am saying I MIGHT have a perfect 21. You have no idea. But if I have a perfect 21, it didn’t get that way on purpose.”

Rachel took the final card, nodded, and lay it down. “Done.”

“There’s a pretty good chance you won this.”

Rachel flipped up her cards, showing a total of 19. “Pretty sure I did win this.”

“Well, what do you know?” XR remarked. “I turn off my algorithms, I give you a fighting chance – “

He turned up a 20.

“ – and you still lost.”

“Dammit!”

As the cards were reshuffled, Rachel asked, “What was she like? I mean, what did you like about her? I never really got to know her that well.” Maybe now she should, now that she’d sorted everything out. Put the final nail in the coffin and befriend 42, who it sounded like Rachel could get along with anyway. Once Rachel could act mature around 42 and not feel hurt, she would know it was all over, and all three of them would be free. Though, now that she thought of it, it probably wasn’t a good idea to bring up XR’s ex and ask him to describe her. “But if you don’t wanna talk about her, I get – “

“She was more radiant than a thousand suns,” XR was already waxing poetical. “Bitter, at first, but that was part of the allure. There’s just something about kicking off a relationship with a good old-fashioned trading of insults that makes you feel alive. She was a CLASSIC romantic, too. A walks-on-the-beach kind of person. Yes, yes, I know she couldn’t WALK at the time, but that didn’t stop her, which just goes to show how much of a dreamer she was. But most of all, when I looked into her pixelated eye graphics, I felt like she KNEW me inside out, and I thought for the briefest moment that I knew her. Though, boy, did I have her wrong. She needed to fly free while I wanted to latch onto her like a remora. She wanted to touch the sky. I wanted to invest in a tandem bicycle. She wanted adventure. I wanted what I am realizing is a series of incredibly mixed metaphors.” The cards, he remembered. Two for him, two for Rachel.

She peered at her hidden card, hardly registering it as she asked, “If you could have the woman of your dreams, now that you’ve been with 42…what would she be like?”

“Well, she’d have to have a sense of humor,” XR mused. “This isn’t a REQUIREMENT, but if our relationship evolved out of a playful rivalry, that’d be bonus points. Somebody who’d go for a romantic night on the town, maybe dancing at the less shady clubs in Trade World, which are still pretty shady, but look better by comparison of what they’re next to. Someone who’d actually want to be on my team so we could be together all the time. And, of course, it wouldn’t hurt if she worshipped the ground I rolled on.”

Rachel stared at him, dumbfounded.

“I’D DO THE SAME FOR HER,” XR said defensively, thinking Rachel was floored by the selfishness of the last qualification. “If she was the right one, she’d be nothing short of ethereally beautiful, and I would let her know that every hour, on the hour. You could time me.”

Rachel doubted that was literal, but she understood the sentiment. She condensed what XR had told her, just to be sure she had it right: “So you want someone who started out bantering with you, would become your friend and think everything you did was hot shit, laughed at your jokes, TOLD bad jokes, went along with you on pretty much every adventure, and would love to be taken out dancing on Trade World.”

“Yes. Is there something wrong with that?”

He couldn’t really be that oblivious.

Except he was XR. He actually was that oblivious.

“No,” Rachel said. “I hope you find the woman of your dreams.”

If he’d managed to describe her perfectly, and he’d still never thought of her as an option, then the coffin really was closed.

“Your turn,” XR said rather smugly.

“Huh? Oh. Hit – “

“Nooooo,” XR corrected, singsong, “I want to know what YOUR perfect guy is like.”

“My perfect guy?” Rachel repeated, fiddling with the face-up card in her hand. “Well, I mean…I used to have this laundry list of requirements. You’re gonna love this, but back when I was growing up on Capital Planet, I actually thought I’d only ever be into humans.”

A dramatic gasp from XR that Rachel wasn’t sure about: real or exaggerated?

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she brushed off. “Miss Inclusivity thinking she’d only ever go for a human. But I had a thing for guys with black hair. Raven fucking black. I was pretty much into your standard skinny white boy package. You can fill in the blanks. After I grew up a little, I realized that attraction could come in more than one exact body type, so my list got less physical and more about personality. Moral paragon, musical connoisseur, had to bolster my self-esteem…maybe be willing to play my therapist a little and remind me that I’m pretty when I don’t believe it…or, you know, all the time…”

“And you think I’M selfish for wanting a woman to be enchanted by me,” XR said in a tone of mock disappointment.

“You are,” Rachel argued, “but I never said I wasn’t, now, did I? The thing is…where I am now, less and less things matter.”

“Fewer?” “What?”

“Whenever I use the word ‘less’ like that in my reports,” XR reminded her, “you change it to ‘fewer.’”

“You KNOW I don’t give a shit when I’m TALKING OUT LOUD.”

“‘Biek’ wasn’t out loud.”

“WILL YOU LET THAT GO?” She did love this routine. “Anyway, FEWER and FEWER things mattered until it kind of just boiled down to one thing. If he’s someone I can get along with, someone who makes me feel like we get each other and can have each other’s backs, and we have a lot of fun together, then, if a spark happens, which it very well might, I’ll give him a shot.” A pause. “Oh, and also, he can’t want to have sex with me. That part’s important.”

XR took a minute to process this before saying, “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“You have REALLY got to raise your standards.”

“Trust me, I told myself the same thing SO many times.”

“Why would you – “ It clicked. “OHHHHHHHH. You had a thing for someone. You had a thing for someone RECENTLY. I knew it. I KNEW it!” XR pointed at Rachel proudly.

“It’s not Booster,” Rachel sighed out of habit.

“I figured that out,” XR said proudly. “You didn’t have the chemistry I thought you had with him at all. Which is probably good, since I still have no idea how old he is.”

“The thing is,” Rachel admitted, “I kinda realized I had to…get over this guy. And now that it’s all over, I think…maybe I can actually tell you. Let you add this to your list of blackmail material you have on me.”

“Would I ever blackmail you?” “Evan already knows. He read it in my head. You telling him who I like will have literally no effect.”

XR pretended this didn’t bother him for a full ten seconds before muttering, “Dagnabbit.”

“You’re gonna get a good laugh out of this, though,” Rachel said with a smile. “I used to have a huge…crush…on…”

Why was it suddenly so hard to say? Was it just out of hesitation, knowing that he’d lord this over her for fun? But he knew, now, where the limit was. She trusted that. Her throat seemed to dry up all the same, and her heartbeat was now strong, the feeling of it pulsing in her neck. After keeping this secret for so long, it was finally coming to light, and perhaps that was why this was as difficult as it was.

“I appreciate the atmosphere of suspense you’re cultivating here,” XR told her, “but I kinda need to know the answer already.”

“I – sorry,” Rachel squeaked, clearing her throat. “Okay. The punchline of my life is that this whole time, I’ve secretly been into – “

“BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!” XR cried all of a sudden.

“…What?” Rachel replied incredulously.

“That…explains…EVERYTHING!” XR realized. “He talked you into accepting life on Team Lightyear really easily. You didn’t want him to go out with Bonnie Lepton because you wanted him for yourself! But you couldn’t tell him because after the Plasma Boy incident, you thought you’d be pressuring him into a relationship he didn’t want! What a plot twist! You arguing so hard to get me to help you bring him back if he ever went loco, your obsession with his sexier evil clone showing up everywhere, your feeling like the only rookie who didn’t earn his respect – it all fits! How did I not see this before? Oh, the tragedy! Oh, the star-crossed fate!”

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” Rachel said, deadpan.

XR took a moment to study her face. “You’re putting on an awfully cool cover if I’m right.”

“That’s because it’s not a cover, and also, if I was going to tell you it was him in the first place, I wouldn’t be putting on a cover now.”

“True, true…” XR relented. “Okay, proceed.”

Rachel heaved a deep breath. “The guy I had a thing for is – “

“WARP DARKMATTER!”

Rachel leaned the back of her head against the metal wall, thudding it several times consecutively.

“You said it yourself,” XR reminded her. “You have a thing for guys with black hair. And probably black souls to match. You wanted yourself some of that bad boy action, but he would NEVER have eyes for you!” If Rachel wasn’t mistaken, XR’s eye-lights were misting slightly.

“IT’S NOT WARP DARKMATTER,” she groaned. “Are you gonna let me tell you or not?”

“…Okay, it’s obviously not Warp Darkmatter,” XR realized. “Then who could it be…?”

“Try someone a little less…tall,” Rachel urged him. “And…conventional.”

She waited to see if he’d guess, but he simply made a “hmm” noise of deep thought.

“Someone who always has to have the last word?” Rachel prompted. “Someone…not human.”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down…”

“Someone who thinks he’s hot shit.”

“That eliminates a few more of the obvious candidates…”

After waiting a little longer for XR’s next guess and not hearing it, Rachel sighed one more time. “The person I had a thing for – “

XR’s jaw dropped. “NO.”

She knew he had it. “Yes.”

“All this time – “

“Yup.”

“For a YEAR – “

“Yyyyyyup.”

“I KNEW it was suspicious how you were always defending him!” XR proclaimed. “No one in their right mind would try to paint him as a misguided good guy unless she was head-over-heels for him!”

Or maybe he didn’t have it. “…I don’t think we’re talking about the same person here.”

“And you always were fascinated by that molting thing, and, let’s face it, he OBVIOUSLY wouldn’t do the do the way humans do – “

“ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT EON?” Rachel screamed in newly ignited horror.

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH POTENTIAL HE HAS FOR GOOD!” XR reminded her.

“IT’S NOT! FUCKING! EON!”

“And thank whatever deity exists for that,” XR said with a sigh of relief.

“All right,” Rachel groaned, “you’re done guessing.” Though, as usual, XR’s sheer airheadedness combined with his lack of vocal filter had done its magic. She was no longer nervous, her heartbeat quelled. Playful frustration lent her confidence. “I’m gonna tell you. And you’re gonna listen.”

“Okay. No more interruptions. We cut to the chase this time.”

“The person I liked,” Rachel said slowly, deliberately, “was…hey, how about you give me a drumroll?”

XR rose to the cue, rapidly tapping his fingers on the metal wall so the sound reverberated.

Rachel put out an arm dramatically. “And the lucky man is - !”

“Hey, guys!” Mira said from behind Rachel as her upper half phased into the vent.

She’d meant to ask what Rachel and XR were doing hanging out in an air vent, but the question died on her lips immediately, for the moment she’d appeared, she’d startled them both so badly that they were now screaming bloody murder, instinctively shooting to each other to cling onto each other’s bodies chastely but tightly.

It really was a shame they hadn’t worked out, Mira thought; they were a cute couple. A cute couple of dorks, to be specific.

“So, uhhhh, we’re going on patrol,” Mira said once the screaming had died down, “and it’s kind of a whole-team thing.”

“Actually,” XR said from his position locked within Rachel’s grip, “we had a better plan. You, Buzz, and Booster are really more skilled at the whole ‘vampire-hunting’ thing, and this Parsec guy seems like a real…vampire slayer. You know ‘em when you see ‘em, and he’s one of ‘em. Now, Rach and I, we are REALLY good at guarding these air vents and making sure nothing gets in the base through them, so we’re just going to stay right here and – “

“Uh-uh.” Mira shook her head. “Not a chance.”

“I just want it on record that staying in here was completely his idea,” Rachel said flatly, XR’s arms still locked around her.

“I know it’s dangerous out there,” Mira pointed out, “but danger is what we signed up for when we became space rangers. It’s our job – “

“To do dangerous things so no one helpless has to deal with them,” Rachel sighed. “I know. Come on.” She disentangled XR from her arms, waiting for him to do the same – which she now needed him to do for more reasons than one.

For when they’d grabbed onto each other, her heart had leapt with excitement. She had thought she’d done a thorough job of murdering her feelings for him. But it wasn’t over at all. It was a good thing Mira had come along when she’d done so, because if she’d clued XR in while she still had feelings for him –

“You can let go now,” she told him gruffly, even though she didn’t want him to, not ever again.

She didn’t miss the light tremble in him as he got as much distance from her as he could in the cramped vent, his arms now to himself. “All right,” he said with a bravado-laden tone, “I’m nothing if not a team player.”

“That’s a laugh,” Mira teased.

“But if I get torn to shreds out there,” XR told Mira, arms folded, “you’re the one paying for my reconstruction.”

“Done and done,” Mira said with a nod.

“Wait a – “ XR did a double take. “You said that like you are VERY SURE I’m going to get shredded.”

“Uh, yeah, we’re leaving in five minutes,” Mira said before vanishing through the bottom of the vent.

“Let’s do this,” Rachel said resignedly, making to head out of the vent. Then: “Um…you should probably lead. You’re the one with lights.”

“You got all the way in here without lights.”

“I ran into a LOT of walls. I have bruises.”

There was enough room for them to switch positions, but due to the curvature of the walls, it did involve XR temporarily skidding on the side of the wall and Rachel losing her balance completely and falling with a thud. Eventually, they were arranged in a procession of some dignity, XR now out front to light the path while Rachel crawled on hands and knees behind him.

Yet XR didn’t move, standing stone-still. Or attempting to, anyway. His nervous shaking was now visibly apparent, even in the dim light.

“XR?” Rachel said softly.

“What?” he replied quickly. “Oh, no, no, yeah, I’m fine – “

“I know what you’re thinking about,” Rachel informed him. “All that stuff you told me. I know you’re afraid of what he can do to you.”

“Look, I don’t wanna go over it again and get it in my head right before any of it could ACTUALLY HAPPEN,” XR spat.

“Just…do me a favor and look at me first.”

He trusted her, and so he spun, treads still pointed forward but the rest of his body rotating to face Rachel.

She dared to place a hand on either side of his helmet, telling him, “Look me in the eye,” as she did the same to him –

Then she recoiled with a loud “AGH, FUCK!”

Staring a robot in his brightly illuminated eyes was a bad idea, it turned out.

“Can you turn down the brights?” Rachel grunted, eyes shut tight.

“Heh…yeah…sorry about that…aaaaand you’re clear.”

Rachel eased one eye open to test the environment. She could now just make out the lines of XR’s face, his eyes dimmed to the softest glow. Opening her eyes completely, she became aware that the spots of dark green and magenta swimming in her vision from the accidental bright-light exposure were stunning even in the dark. They were, however, temporary. “Now look me in the eye for real,” Rachel commanded, gently.

Her hands hadn’t left him. He looked to her with a now-obvious vulnerability that she knew he hated showing.

“I can’t promise anything for sure,” she said as she fixed her gaze directly on his. “NOS is a badass, and I am a fucking wimp. I’m probably going to lose whatever fight I get in. So I can’t say I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, because knowing my luck, I’ll try, I’ll get fucked up, and you’ll need a backup plan. But you KNOW how I feel about letting you get hurt, no matter how many times you can get rebuilt. When we get out there, stay close to me. Because I’m going to do my ABSOLUTE DAMNEDEST to try not to let anything bad happen to you. I promise.”

Dead serious, he said, “You sound like you’re going to try and fight an energy vampire mono-a-mono to stop me from getting a few paint scratches.”

“Yes. Because that’s what I fully intend to do. I will fight him. I know I cannot win, but I will fight him.”

A pause. “What do you want outta this? Your next order at Cosmo’s is my treat?”

Rachel flinched, disgusted with the insinuation; “I’m not going to protect you because I want you to OWE me – “

“I’m not saying you are. I’m OFFERING.”

“Oh.” So that was it. “This is free, okay? You’re already helping me cover up my anxiety stuff and – and you make me smile all the time, so there’s that. But you need to let me do this for you. Because I – “

Could she do it, now? Tell him the absolute truth?

“ – I have a lot of friends,” she concluded, “but none of them are quite like you. You��re my best friend.”

That was, absolutely, the truth.

“And I can’t – “ Here, she faltered. She was about to say those damning words, “lose you,” but then that would give him the idea that that was a real possibility, and even though it was, she didn’t want either of them to entertain it. She was silent for far too long, looking for the politically correct rephrase.

“Hey, you don’t have to finish that.” He actually sounded jovial; his teasing tone was more honest now, and Rachel could feel that somewhere along the line, he’d stopped shaking. She froze like a deer in headlights when she felt his hand wrap around her own on the side of the glass. “I know I rag on you all the time, and you rag on me, but I really lucked out with you, didn’t I? You’re the only one who does this. Gets all protective, I mean. And I get it. I get why. An adult robot outfitted with the latest and greatest Star Command technology SHOULDN’T need to have his back watched. And probably doesn’t, all considered. I mean, I’ve run into him THIS many times and I’m still here, soooooooo…”

“If you think you’ll be okay out there,” Rachel said, “then that’s good. You’re capable. You’re a rock star. I’m STILL going to look out for you out there, though. Whether you want me to or not.”

She twisted her hand as much as she could to be able to grasp his in return, firmly squeezing the metal, and this was probably going far too overboard, now that she realized how she still did feel, but as much as she liked the attention and the touch, she wasn’t doing this for that, she was doing this because knowing how afraid he was put cracks in her heart –

“Just stay with me,” she reiterated, hardly able to get the words out, voice almost inaudible.

“Fine,” XR teased, “but only ‘cause somebody needs to watch YOUR back out there.” She was starting to avert her gaze, her face falling from the gravity of the situation, and his free hand tapped her under the chin and lifted her head back up to see that he was now smiling with confidence that wasn’t falsely plastered on to hide the depths of fear, but rather shining through the ever-present fear. “Ya sap.”

That got her to laugh.

Mira’s echoing call of “FIVE MINUTES ARE UP!” from the entry to the vent labyrinth spurred them both to move. Following behind XR, Rachel knew she had a lot to think about. But the foremost thing on her mind was how she was going to make sure he was safe with NOS-4-A2 on the loose – something more easily done in fantasy than reality.

But as soon as his lights, now on full brightness, alerted her to the vertical shaft she’d nearly fallen down on her blind trip into the maze and missed out of pure luck, the foremost thing on her mind became that and processing the worst-case scenarios that hadn’t happened.