#lights off headphones on and pretending im in a concert

[life-is-a-tamasha]

Listening to the live versions album/compilation on Spotify and weirdly feeling so giddy

When will be able to watch them live idk

[allyreactions]

BTS reacts to their idol girlfriend on tour and fainting on stage

pairing: bts x reader

warnings: idk if its right or not but just in case, know that it mentions skipping meals and not sleeping well, idk if its eating disorders or mental ilnesses but know that it mentions that, there’s no implied death tho one of them may seem to have but it’s not like that ok i explained too much

genre: angst

a/n: this may turn much darker than i thought omg im sorry

no gender neutral

~~~~~~~~

kim seokjin

He never liked the idea of you going on tour. He had been knowing about the shitty way your managers were treating you. He noticed how your members would always receive praises while you only received criticism, which made you work harder. This involved staying until late hours rehearsing, skipping meals and sleep time to work on your choreographies. He didn’t want you to leave to Europe, mostly because when you were at South Korea, he could always check on you and stay with you. But now you were far away. He spent every day nervous, alert of his phone in case you wanted or needed to talk to him. One day Namjoon told him he was overreacting, that you were fine, you had your members and that they would help you. This managed to calm him down, put his phone down and left it at home to enjoy the only free day they were given.

He came back home late at night, a small smile on his face, glad that he could spend a day with his donsaengs. When he grabbed his cellphone, his expression quite changed, “23 missed calls” could be read on the screen. He quickly calling the owner of the 23 missed calls, your best friend and unnie.

“Seokjin-ah, where have you been!? I tried reaching you all day!” she cried, voice almost audible

“What happened?” he asked, fear obvious in his voice

“It´s Y/N...she fainted on stage a-and...” she sobbed, while Seokjin’s held his breath “....she isn’t waking up”

His heart stopped.

min yoongi

It was a problem. Your weight had been dropping every month, making your boyfriend worried. And worst thing was, he couldn’t tell you anything. He had tried, more than he wanted to, but you just wouldn’t listen. This was your first year as an idol, your band debuted with success yet your managers weren’t happy with your body. That got to your head, and your diets were reduced to almost a plate per day. Yoongi was used to these starving diets, and knew that cheating them was the worst a female idol could do. So he focused on staying by your side, and help you sneak some snacks in while your managers weren’t present. But one day you announced him your band was going to South America as part of their tour. His concern grew, because he could follow you to Japan or China, but South America was too much. He just swallowed, nodded and prayed you would be ok.

He never stopped messaging you, every day checking in, seeing how you were doing. But suddenly, you stopped messaging. He glanced at the clock, 2pm. He remembered the 12 hours of difference, it had to be 2am for you. He was about to give up, and hope you were sleeping well, when a message entered his phone with a ‘pop’.

[2:08pm] Y/N: Suga are you there?

What? You never called him by his stage name, it cringed you. Why were you calling him Suga? He didn’t wait to reply.

[2:09pm] Yoongi: I’m here, what’s wrong?

He could feel it, something was wrong. His jaw dropped to the floor and an annoying knot appeared on his throat when he read the next message.

[2:11pm] Y/N: I’m Yoonho, me and the group are at the hospital, Y/N fainted, she’s way too pale and can barely move. You’re her emergency contact, right?

jung hoseok

“Babe, you’re barely awake” you laughed a bit, watching Hoseok on your Face Time trying to keep his eyes open.

“I’m here, I’m here jagi” he replied, trying to smile, but you were right. He could barely stay awake. He had spent all day checking on you, trying to see if you were fine.

You had been feeling quite bad these past days. You had been working on your first soloist album, and you had wasted long nights writing lyrics and composing melodies. It was driving you crazy, but you needed to get it done. You too were barely awake, but spending weeks staying up late at night made you control yourself, you knew how to pretend you were fine. Something your career as a Kpop idol also taught you.You managed to convince Hoseok to go to sleep, so you could get changed and go to the stage, it was another night of touring with your girlgroup. 

Hoseok woke up from what he liked calling a long nap to his phone ringing. Without thinking about it, assuming it was you, he picked up.

“Y/N~ jagi, I’m sorry I fell asleep” he spoke in his tired husky voice

“It’s not Y/N, Hoseok, I’m her manager” that made Hobi jump up and suddenly fully wake up.

“Why are you calling me from Y/N’s cellphone?” he didn’t measure his tone, too concerned to care

“Y/N fainted on stage, we had to carry her to backstage” he gulped, feeling tears on his eyes “She’s resting now but I supposed you should know” he added before hanging up, leaving Hoseok more concerned than he already was.

kim namjoon

He hadn’t been able to talk to you in days, and it was driving him crazy. I mean, you were at USA touring, he knew your schedules by memory, why could you never even message him? But, he had to understand. Your managers weren’t as easy on you as his were on him. So he had to stick to social media. Updates of you on Twitter were the only way he had to check on you. He knew you had been quite stressed lately, thanks to your tour. You would always skip meals and sleep less just to get it perfect, you were too scared to be judged by foreigners, so you had to get it right.

He was working on his studio, the beat mixer opened right next to Twitter, with your update fan account. He refreshed every minute, watching some videos fan were taking during the concert. He started noticing you were missing some moves, and look quite tired.He assumed it was the video, because you never acted lazy on stage. He continued refreshing, but nothing happened. No new videos, neither pics or tweets. Everything was too silent. That was until he refreshed one more time, and a long tweet appeared. He read it out loud, his voice lowering as he was reaching to the tweet’s end.

@Y/Nunnie tweeted: “Y/N’s body suddenly dropped to the floor. The music stopped and so did the other members, who then gatherend around her. Soonah (your leader) picked her up, with some help from staff members. The lights went off, and when they returned, the stage was empty, only one staff member remained, who stood in front of the mic and said: “due to health issues, Y/N won’t be able to continue the show, please understand”. I hope she’s fineee :’((” 

Joon stood there, trying to assimilate the situation, before going crazy...

park jimin

He was mad, and oh god you hated it when he was mad. When he was this mad, he wasn’t cute, no, he was scary.

“Y/N, you heard me, you aren’t going to that tour” he pointed at you, the ugliest frown formed on his face

“Jiminie, baby, even if I wanted to, you know I can’t say no! I signed a contract, I need to go!” you tried calming him down, but it was in vain.

“Look at you, Y/N, look at the bags under your eyes! They aren’t even letting you sleep! How do they expect you can perform? And abroad!”

“Well...” you started, not knowing how to answer, until you found the best way “...how did you do it when you just debuted?” you crossed your arms over your chest, and watched as Jimin relaxed a bit, knowing you were right “....could you talk back to your manager, refuse to perform? Baby..” you sighed and held his hands “...I’ll be fine, I promise you” you pecked his lips and left with a smile, not sure if you were gonna keep that promise.

And you didn’t, Jimin realized while was boarding a flight to Mexico, where you were currently touring. Not a long time ago, he received a message, written by your friend and sent through your phone.

“Jimin, Y/N just collapsed while performing her solo song, I know it’s much to ask but she really needs you. Could you come?”

kim taehyung

(ok i love this little ball of sunshine so much it breaks my heart he would be so sad if this happened)

He really wanted to go with you. He even insisted on asking your manager if he could join your tour. But no is no, and he had to stick to that, despite not agreeing. He not only was your number one fan and wanted to support his favorite person in the world, but he also wanted to have a close eye on you. You had been acting quite weird lately, arriving late at home, waking up too early, skipping some meals. He even caught you crying once, alone at the bathroom in the middle of the night. He was very worried, he knew your new comeback was bringing you a lot of stress, but what was worrying him the most was the fact that you weren’t talking to him about it. He understood that stress, but you still didn’t tell him anything. But he wasn’t a pushy boyfriend, he was going to wait for you to feel like talking about it.

In the mid time, and since he couldn’t join you on your tour, he decided to watch every live broadcast fans were doing during the concerts. He didn’t care about quality, as long as he could watch his girlfriend perform like the queen she is, he was happy.

He was locked inside his room, headphones on and Twitter opened, with the live broadcast of your show at Paris. He had a smile on his face, his favorite song was coming and he thought you always killed it in the dancing. He prepared himself for the performance of his life.

But his smile starting fading off when he saw you weren’t dancing, just walking around. He knew the performance by memory, and knew that during touring that choreography never changed. I mean, he has been watching every live broadcast, he knew the schedule by memory. He got near the computer, eager to find out what was wrong. The smile came back when he saw you joining your members on the choreo.

“Oh she was improvising” Tae said out loud, even giggling a bit.

When suddenly you stopped dancing and collapsed coldly to the floor. He held on to the chair’s arm, mouth wide open and eyes nailed on your motionless body. Your members gatherend around you and tried to wake you up. Fans started mumbling, while the music stopped all of a sudden. Since you weren’t waking up, a staff member came in running and picked your body up, carrying it to backstage as fast as he could. Your unnie followed behind, always having your back, and not intending to stop now.

Taehyung immediately grabbed his phone with shaky hands, trembling lips and  tears fiercely falling down.

jeon jungkook

Oh boy he understood every concern you had. Being both the maknaes of each of your groups, you both understood the hard work you had to do to show you were as capable and professional as your unnies or hyungs. So instead of telling you off whenever you practised too much, he would stay by your side, to teach you to recognize your body’s limits.

However you were quite new to the idol life, while Jungkook had his years at it. And now your first tour was coming and your worry grew. How were you going to go on your own without your boyfriend? Jungkook reassured you you could do it, you were strong enough to do it. With a little bit more of confidence thanks to your most beloved best friend and boyfriend, you left.

Little did you know, he was making you a surprise visit. Since you were touring at Africa, he could take a quick flight and susprise you. 

He was ready, bag on one hand, and plane ticket on the other.

“I’ll be fine, hyung!” he smiled as he spoke to Jin “...she doesn’t know I’m going, it will be awesome! If I need anything, I’ll call you” 

As he was listening to Seokjin, his phone started buzzing with another phone call.

“Sorry hyung, I have another another call, give me a second” as he handed the air flight assistant, he changed calls “..Hello?”

“Jungkook-ah? It’s Jaesung, Y/N’s manager. She...she um, she collapsed, we are attending her right now. Her unnie Mina told us we should call you, we believe that’s what Y/N would want”

His hands felt numb as a tear rolled down his cheek and his bag fell from his hand.

~~~~~~

OMG OK MY BEST REACTION SO FAR I LOVE IT HOPE U LIKE IT!

creds to owner of gifs

~Admin Anto

[vagitterian]

starting to wonder if i have aspergers/autism or just have anxiety how the fuck does one assess that im trying to make a list based off of this criteria but if anyone else has any suggestions lemme know: -has trouble when people ask me to do multiple things at once, reliance on lists. really frustrated like WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING THIS LIST TO ME. EMAIL IT TO ME FFS. -ridigity of thinking (despite being an activist and trying to work on it) -history of not attending classes and needing resits -history[ish?] of depression/anxiety -i lose shit all the time. Ever since my teens. I lost so many mobile phones, I lose debit cards bimonthly, gym access cards, my student id, passports, drivers licenses. -i miss days of work bc socially exhausted -i get hella stressed if i have a lot of work in a short space - doesn’t everyone? -burns bridges with besties -i disproportionately require solitude -i am fandomey, so i have.... i dont know if i want to call them special interests, bc i dont know if i AM on the spectrum, but i definitely focus intensely on things to the detriment of everything else, including eating/sleeping. -history of being bullied/teased -gets socially exhausted, even though i really do enjoy being social! im an extrovert, but it still gets too much. its such a fine line. -intense friendships. -i suck at conflict, despite doing my very best to be honest and not letting things go unsaid. it doesn’t... work... so well... but if they don’t tell me what’s in their head i just make an educated guess and get anxious about it!! and i shut down a lot in arguments and cry really easily which is extremely frustrating. -I won’t lie, alcohol helps me a lot when I socialise. I am trying to change that because I don’t want to be reliant, but it’s hard. -I am gullible as shit lol -I literally fall asleep in meetings I am so bored. IDK if this is a symptom, I fall asleep easily all the time. Life is exhausting! The only way I stay awake is by verbally engaging with scenarios and talking to the teacher. -I suck at communicating verbally and deeply prefer text. I also process conflict a lot better that way. -I avoid the news, and documentaries about sad things, and adverts that show suffering. It affects me really deeply. I cry very easily and soak up the emotions of people around me. I can’t really handle gore. -I had trouble before with this, but lately it’s been really bad, I’m getting overwhelmed by sound. I’ve started carrying noise cancelling headphones and the earplugs you take to concerts. Loud public events have always been a struggle, but I also use them to focus in the office. -Clumsy as hell, I trip over a lot. I’m so used to it I’m pretty good at righting myself before falling over, but I get a decent amount of bruises from furniture. I have 20/20 vision. -I withdraw from touch really easily, very easily repulsed. -Bright lights are hard on me, I have it in my current office and I think longingly of when I was on another floor in the building and they adjusted the lighting. It was lovely. -I remove loads of tags on my clothes cuz they drive me up the wall. -Trains are difficult cuz of the screeching, sirens disturb me, cars on roads are a struggle even behind windows. -I dress comfy a lot. I basically live in leggings. -I prefer to initiate hugs. -I cannot stand being hungry. Seriously. My tolerance is much lower than people around me and I am an absolute wanker about it. -General time management issues. I always get too deep into things. -Definitely a night owl. -I like to pretend I’m spontaneous, but I’m not. I need things just so, and then spontaneous events can happen on TOP of that when I say so. -I’m aromantic. I feel like it’s relevant given how much of the community is also on the spectrum. -I’m extremely self conscious, and I’ve always been interested in assessing myself because of that. -I retreat into my bed a lot to manage sensory/social overload. -I don’t really understand jealousy. -I can’t tell when people are flirting with me. -I suck at group projects. -Budgeting? What? -Fear of childbirth (This is a symptom?! OK!) anyway offer ur opinions plz dont play niceynice w my feelings for the sake of validating me. anything jumping out at you as someone who is anxious and / or on the spectrum? comment plz or dm me