#lightly edited deleted scene from find me (find yourself)

[flowers-and-dndoc]

“I don’t- I don’t know if I can be what you want me to be,” the Doctor admits, looking more vulnerable than he had at any previous point during their conversation. “I don’t do domestic, I have no idea if we have compatible lifespans, I don’t know what kind of partner I’d be-” Rogue stops him by pressing a finger to the Doctor’s lips.

“What about me,” he asks, leaning in close, “makes you think I’d ever be interested in domestic?” The Doctor swallows hard as Rogue’s lips move to within an inch of his neck. “Nothing’s guaranteed for people like us,” Rogue whispers against his skin. “I could lose you tomorrow, or you could lose me. Why get lost worrying about the future when all we might have is this moment?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” the Doctor says, haltingly.

“Sweetheart, don’t you think that’s my choice to make if that’s something I’m willing to risk?” Rogue asks, reaching up to brush the Doctor’s cheek gently. The Doctor flinches at the touch, and Rogue pulls back quickly, looking uncertain for the first time.

“Doctor, if this isn’t something you want, I can go,” he says. “You’re not…you don’t owe me anything, I don’t want you to feel stuck with me. Just say the word, and you can be free of me.” Panic surges through the Doctor’s system at the thought of Rogue thinking the Doctor wants to be free of him.

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game - CH112

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

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Chapter 112: The Dream of the Holy Nun (II)

"So Ning Zhou is there with you now?" Miao Li asked as she roamed Qi Leren’s dream.

Qi Leren kept having unwanted dreams whenever he nodded off, but thanks to Miao Li's intrusion, he had been woken from the nightmare he had been having just now. His dreams of continuous death only made him more tired.

Miao Li yawned: "That's great, we’re still busy with the follow-up for the Slaughter Secret Society."

"Isn't it all over?" Qi Leren asked.

"Over? No, no, no, this task is much more complicated than you think. Although you’ve performed the most critical part, there are many other things besides this..." Miao Li pushed her glasses up. "Do you think sending you into the Slaughter Secret Society undercover is the only thing we did? It took a lot of effort for the Illusionist to cover up your tombstones on Undead Island. He’s very curious about you."

Tombstones? Qi Leren suddenly remembered that when he’d recognized Luo Yishan, Luo Yishan had also recognized him. If he sent someone to investigate the identity of 'Qi Leren', then those amazing tombstones on the Undead Island…

Wait a minute.The Court knew about his tombstones? Qi Leren was stunned.

"You thought no one knew about it? In a few months, the whole Twilight Township will know that there’s a player named 'Qi Leren' who has died many times. This kind of bizarre news always travels quickly," Miao Li said with a smile, seeming to see what he was thinking.

Qi Leren suddenly had a bad feeling. He didn't want to get into any trouble: "Is there any way to cover up my tombstones? For example, by digging them out?"

For the sake of confidentiality, Qi Leren would not hesitate to dig his own graves.

"...Your idea is really interesting, but the Nightmare World is different from reality after all. Even if you forcibly dig out your tombstone, it will be refreshed after midnight. The Undead Island is like a game log, recording the names of players since the birth of this world. What qualifications do we have to delete the game logs when we’re only players?" Miao Li said with a slight irony. "So we just sent an Illusionist to temporarily cover your tombstones on the Undead Island after confirming that you needed to go undercover. Now the Illusionist has removed the illusion, and your secret can't be concealed for too long. As long as one person finds out, a secret is no longer a secret. You should be glad that there aren’t many people who have grave-sweeping as a hobby."

It was unfortunate. If the Illusionist had covered the tombstones earlier, he wouldn’t have been distracted by the mountain of death records. It seemed that you should use your real name less when walking outside. If there were onlookers, he would be afraid of someone trying to take advantage of his ability to resurrect himself... This had already happened and would continue to happen. Speaking of which.

"The Slaughter Secret Society’s believers were caught, right? Luo Yishan... Lie Yang knows my real name. At that time, I failed to kill him in the field," Qi Leren asked with a frown.

"He’s dead, died of the seed of slaughter’s outbreak and blood loss. Now the Village of Dusk’s enchantment has been closed, only in not out. The connection attached to the memento ring can track the identities of people who have entered the field, and basically all believers have been either arrested or will be soon. However, there are still several believers who were not in Dusk when the incident occurred, and two other believers escaped before the enchantment closed," Miao Li gave a brief account of the situation.

"Who escaped?" Qi Leren suddenly had a bad feeling.

Miao Li gave him a deep look and seemed a little sympathetic: "Two people you know very well. Mrs. Kathleen, and her subordinate Ashley."

"..." The sense of foreboding always came true. Qi Leren couldn't say what kind of revelation this was.

"Let Ning Zhou train you, maybe it will be useful one day," Miao Li said.

The depressed Qi Leren looked indifferent. Ning Zhou didn't speak kindly when he trained him. He couldn't remember how many times he knocked him to the ground even when he was prepared. Even if his psychological quality was better, he would soon have a psychological shadow from falling into a sprawl all the time.

"Oh, another thing about Slaughter, go to the Trial after you finish your first compulsory task and set aside at least one week of survival days. We’ll help you take out your ticking timebomb," Miao Li said with a smile and walked out of his dream lightly.

It was already morning when he woke up. Although it was still sunset outside the window, the countdown of survival days told him that another day had passed. Qi Leren struggled to get out of bed, washing and thinking about today's mission.

Ning Zhou gave him a daily training menu, and he was also responsible for sparring with him for some of the contents that required a partner. Therefore, Qi Leren took the initiative to prepare the "coach"'s three meals. At present, the two people got along well - considering that so many embarrassing things had happened between them, this harmonious relationship was even more commendable.

There was a faint warmth when he remembered the scene of them eating together in the warm sunset.

However, Ning Zhou said yesterday that he would be absent today and Qi Leren didn't bother to ask him where he was going, so he was the only one who enjoyed breakfast today.

Compared to a large number of procrastinators and lazy parasites in modern society, Qi Leren was a very self-disciplined person. After entering the Nightmare Game, he consciously exercised himself. Now that he had this scientific tutorial, he cherished this opportunity very much. Although every day he was drilled so black and blue that he had to crawl to bed at the end of the day, and when he fell asleep he was haunted by nightmares from time to time, the next day he would still grit his teeth.

Ning Zhou was not here, so the training schedule was cancelled. After training in the afternoon, Qi Leren had some rare leisure time. Out of camaraderie among friends, he specially copied a training menu for Dr. Lu. In the private clinic, he saw Dr. Lu lying on a soft sofa enjoying dessert and hot drinks. He warmly invited Qi Leren to share in the afternoon tea.

After learning about Qi Leren’s recent training menu, Dr. Lu showed the expression of "My little friend is so masochistic he would scare a baby to death" and only reluctantly agreed to jog for two kilometers every day after being persuaded by Qi Leren. However, when he saw his criminal record of falling flat after running only two steps - which Dr. Lu repeatedly explained was because his cerebellum was naturally uncoordinated and his balance was worse than the average person - Qi Leren didn’t believe he would last for long…

After coming out of Dr. Lu's clinic, Qi Leren also saw a player who spoke with an accent talking with his friend: "There’s a female doctor here whose medical skills are very good! There’s just a few more rules. "

"Really? Is she beautiful?"

"He's a man."

"Didn't you say it was a female doctor?"

"Oh no, it's Nu (woman)."

The window on the second floor suddenly opened. Dr. Lu poked his head out and said maliciously, "My last name is Lu! I don't treat people with accents!"

After asking for forgiveness, the two people found that the doctor was hard-hearted and they immediately took up evil thoughts, wanting to threaten violence. Worried about Dr. Lu’s safety, Qi Leren, who hadn’t left yet, simply practiced his recent training results and was pleasantly surprised to find that one or two players weren’t a problem.

The two players didn’t even dare to trash talk as they escaped. Qi Leren watched the two disappear at the intersection and then reluctantly looked at the helpless Dr. Lu: "Now that you know how important exercise is, let’s teach you a few tricks."

Dr. Lu opened his mouth and exclaimed: "I’m used to you having the aura of a mysterious soft girl, you’re as easily bullied as I am. I’m surprised to see you’ve improved so much. It’s really hard to look at you now, you were so cute before..."

Qi Leren’s hands itched to beat him. What is this mysterious soft girl aura?! Who the hell is cute? Although that one task forced me to be a girl for a few days,  I’m still a man normally. I just sent two seven-foot men packing!

"Have a good time training yourself. If you can’t run at least two laps, what will you do the next time someone makes trouble? If you can't beat them, you have to run for it," Qi Leren said earnestly, too lazy to care.

"Don't I have a skill card, [Here, We Will Have Free Wi-Fi]? When equipped, everyone will slowly forget my existence and do their own thing. If the duration of the skill is up, I'll either admit defeat or call the police. If it truly doesn't work out, there'll always be passersby who will help me at the crucial moment," Dr. Lu said firmly.

"...Do whatever you want." Qi Leren said tiredly. As someone with E-level luck, he didn't quite understand the confidence of someone with EX luck, so he left in a disgruntled manner.

It was still early, so he could go somewhere else. Qi Leren made a trip according to the addresses and information given by Chen Baiqi. There were two players who were good at manual work and could be used to make chargers. As a result, when he came to the doors that matched the addresses, one had gone out to do a task and wasn’t at home and the other house was empty, which should mean he’d died recently.

Qi Leren was in a state of melancholy. It seemed he would have to come back another time to see if the player who had left to do a task had come back alive.

As he had plenty of time, Qi Leren simply checked the main task again. Ever since he’d entered the Nightmare World he would go see if the key NPC Rudd, who triggered the task, was present, but he deliberately didn't trigger the task for fear that he would die again. He just wanted to see if anyone knew about it.

Following the remembered route, Qi Leren came to the Twilight Township’s NPC settlement, which was close to "Red’s" home where he’d been staying while undercover with the Slaughter Secret Society. Qi Leren was afraid he would meet some believers who hadn’t been arrested, so he put on his cloak for safety.

Under the setting sun, a large amount of water vapor gushed out from the rusty iron pipes on both sides of the road, seeming like smoke when seen from a distance.

There was a tavern in the depths of the alley near a garbage dump made of scrap iron. The iron waist-high iron gate couldn’t keep out the noisy sounds coming from the building. Men played cards, drank, and chatted loudly, making this remote tavern seem very lively.

Qi Leren pushed open the waist-high iron gate and walked into the pub.

The tavern owner recognized him, the man with short curly hair asking enthusiastically, "I haven't seen you in a long time, Qi."

"I’ve been busy with some things recently," Qi Leren answered and looked around.

The NPC Rudd he is looking for wasn’t here... This was unusual. Every time he’d come here before, he was drunk in the corner of the pub. According to the plot, if he bought him a drink, he would recount his memories with a face of snot and tears, the tragic battle where mankind's Holy City was overtaken by demons more than 20 years ago, and then he would go to the churchyard to pay homage to his comrades.

"Where's the drunk?" Qi Leren asking, pointing to the corner of the pub.

"Oh, him. Just now, a man in a cloak came to have a drink with him and then they left together. Before leaving, the guy even paid off the wine bill he owed. I’m really grateful," said the boss.

Qi Leren's face changed instantly: "What did the man look like?"

"I don't know, he was also wearing a cloak. I couldn't see his face clearly," the boss said. "But I haven't seen him here before. I don't remember his voice... Hey, don't you want your wine?"

"Keep it!" Qi Le rushed out of the pub and headed for the abandoned church not far away without looking back.

The main task’s next step was there!

-----

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

[shhh-no-ones-home]

creature of the night* vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++ Watching the Rocky horror picture show together for the first time

sorry this took me so long to put out holy shit. i will have another smut shot posted soon, i have to edit it still. enjoy none the less

* - shes here

Song: like lovers do by hey violet

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @alilpunkrock @ryansitkowskiswifey @theoneandonlykymberlee @svintsandghosts @cynic-spirit +++++++++

I came back into the room holding a bag of popcorn and falling into the couch where I had been before. I had invited Vinny over to watch a movie and picked one of my personal favorites: the Rocky horror picture show. I tossed a piece of the popcorn into my mouth before handing vinny the bag.

"I still can't believe you've never seen this. You're twenty five for fucks sake. Hell I've been watching this movie since I was like eleven."

He crunched on the popcorn and shrugged at me.

"It was just never of any interest. you know I'm into more nerdy things. Like star wars."

I laughed a little, taking the bag back from him and tossing a few kernels into my mouth.

"Well yeah, so am I but it's a classic! I have like all the songs down pat, some of the dances too."

I looked over at him and he was shaking his head.

"Oh I'm well aware, remember, you were performing a few of them backstage last tour. I have the videos to prove it."

I smirked at him and tossed some of the popcorn his way.

"I thought I told you to delete those. If there's one thing I don't need it's the internet seeing me singing and dancing to the time warp very shittily."

He laughed at me as he picked the kernels off his shirt and ate them.

"Oh no, I'm keeping those forever, ya know for my own enjoyment. And maybe I'll just have to take more, you've already been singing along to some of the songs."

I nodded once very proudly.

"Yes I have. The most embarrassing one is coming up though, it's hilarious."

He sent me a look.

"I feel like I should be scared."

I laughed and shook my head.

"Don't be."

We both turned our attention back to the movie. I was right, it really was a super awkward part of the movie. I sat and watched in agony as "toucha toucha" came on, cringing but singing along anyways.

"I was feeling down and- couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before-"

I paused and laughed a little bit.

"Hah, same."

I said, continuing singing. Then Vinny looked at me.

"Wait really?"

I looked at him and shrugged as I continued to act out the scene from my spot on the couch.

"Toucha toucha toucha touch me!"

I mocked Columbia's voice, standing up and dancing around. Vinny just laughed at me.

"You are something else."

"I wanna be dirty!"

I sang, mocking the actors, walking around the living room. Vinny just watched me with a wide smile on his face. When the song ended I breathed heavily from dancing and laughed.

"Damn I think I need a drink now, you want something?"

I said walking towards the kitchen as the scene changed. He didn't answer me so I figured no, but as I reached for a cup he announced himself and scared me.

"Have you really never had sex?"

I let out a short laugh.

"Yeah? What about it?"

He crossed his arms over his chest as he stood in the door way.

"I don't know I guess I just find it hard to believe. You're always making jokes and flirting around and stuff like you've had practice."

I shrugged, taking a drink.

"And what's wrong with that? I mean I've always kinda wanted to but I've never been in a serious relationship long enough to get there. You know, I'm not a one and done kinda person."

I walked a little further away from the fridge and leaned against the table. He nodded in understanding.

"What if it was with a friend?"

I laughed a little but stopped when I realized his serious expression didn't break.

"Wait, you can't be serious. Vinny youre my best friend."

He shrugged, walking slowly to me.

"What's wrong with that? Friends sleep together all the time. And it's not like we don't have a connection already. Come on, you can't tell me you haven't thought about it. Specially not with the way you flirt."

He practically towered over me. I felt kind of small in that moment. He was right though. I had thought about it being him many times and kinda sorta really wanted to do it. He looked deep into my eyes before slamming his lips into mine. It took me completely by surprise, causing me to drop the hard plastic cup I was holding; Water went everywhere.

"Shit!"

I said pulling away. He looked down at our now soaked pants. He shrugged.

"Guess now we have to take them off..."

He smiled at me and I laughed, face planting lightly.

"Can't argue with that."

I said, peaking up at him between my fingers. He was grinning from ear to ear. When I moved my hand down to my chest he leaned forward and kissed me a little more hungrily. My hand slowly made its way into his soft hair as we made out. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist before lifting me up onto the table. I pulled away from him, placing a hand firmly against his chest. He went in for another kiss though.

"Wait."

I breathed out and he paused, still being severely close to me.

"What's wrong?"

He looked between my eyes with a concerned look on his face. I swallowed hard.

"Don't be rough."

I squeaked out and he smiled at me, kissing me gently.

"I'll do whatever you want."

I nodded.

"Thanks vin."

He leaned in and kissed me once reassuringly. He looked between my eyes for guidance before kissing me again and again, building back up. As we started making out again I felt his hands travel around my waist and pop the button on my jeans. Neither of us stopped kissing as I did the same to him, feeling him push his pants down. When he actually pulled away he kicked them completely off, coming back to help me with mine. I laughed a little bit as he pulled them down my legs.

"Is something funny?"

He said amused and I nodded.

"Yes, just, all of this is hilarious to me."

I confessed, hearing the movie still playing in the background. he kissed me quickly.

"Well I hope you enjoy yourself the whole time, not just this now."

I nodded.

"Oh I think I will."

I winked at him and he smirked at me, moving to pull his shirt off. I inhaled sharply. I know id seen him without it before but he must have been working out since I'd seen him last cause hot damn.

"Like what you see?"

He said a little cocky and I bit my lip, nodding slowly.

"I'm glad to hear that."

He leaned forward and kissed my neck. I stiffened at the contact but relaxed as he kissed along my jawline, pulling at my shirt too to get it off. When it was gone he was quick to pull me to the edge of the table. He began kissing me slowly, running his fingers lightly down my body. I hummed into his mouth as he ran his hand across my thigh. He pulled away and looked me in the eyes.

"Is it alright if I touch you?"

I nodded and he moved his hand closer to my core. i leaned in.

"Can I touch you?"

He smiled at me.

"Of course you can."

I hesitated for a second before sliding my hand in his boxers and running my hand over him. He groaned low in his throat as I began to pump him lightly. I watched him close his eyes as he leaned into my touch.

"Vinny?"

I watched his face.

"Yeah?"

He sighed out before opening his eyes and kissing me again.

"You're doing great baby."

I let go of him as he moved his hand, running his thumb up me over my panties. I opened my legs a little wider as he moved them to the side and circled my clit, making me moan.

"You're so wet already."

He said quietly, moving back down to kiss and suck at my neck. I ran my hands up his arms slowly and along his shoulder. I dropped my head back.

"I want you so bad vin."

I sighed out. He removed his thumb from my clit and replaced it with one of his fingers, running it down my folds and pushing it into me. I moaned at the feeling. He pulled away from me.

"Are you ready?"

I nodded.

"Please."

He pulled his finger out of me and pulled me closer to him, pushing his boxers down. We both looked down as he ran his tip up my folds and against my clit. I moaned loudly before he lined himself up with me and pushed into me slowly. I clenched my jaw at the feeling. He looked back up at me.

"You okay?"

I nodded quickly, trying to convince myself more-so than him.

"Yeah just go slow."

He kissed my forehead and began pulling out slowly, he got halfway before pushing back into me. He did that a few times, his hand making its way around my waist to hold me to him. It was starting to feel better at least.

"You can go faster."

I croaked out and he sent me a look.

"You sure?"

I kissed him gently.

"Yeah."

He nodded in response before doing as told and moaning into my neck. I held onto him, pressing my finger tips into his shoulder as he found a good pace. Both our breathing was getting heavier as he pushed in and out of me. When we were both comfortable he reached down and started circling my clit again. I moaned loudly and dropped my head back.

"Vinny."

I sighed out, hearing him grunt in response and look down. He had a hard grip on my hip as he started thrusting quicker, still moving against my clit. I leaned forward again, resting my forehead against his.

"Fuck."

He groaned out.

"Keep going."

I said between breaths, him nodding at me frantically and looking up at me finally. Then he hit something in me, earning a loud high pitched sound from me.

"Fuck!"

I yelled, coming around him. I dropped my arm back against the table to steady myself, letting him go as he pulled out of me. He leaned forward and kissed me hungrily as he pumped himself onto my legs, moaning into my mouth. When he finished he leaned forward, one hand on either side of me and we both just panted together. I ran my hand through his now sweaty hair and kissed the top of his head.

"Thanks for that vin."

He looked up at me before standing a little and hugging me, kissing the side of my head.

"Anything for a friend."

[jimlingss]

pt.2 of yesterday

I don’t want to flood people’s dashes, so hopefully answering your messages here will suffice!

anonymous asked: Hi! I wanted to tell you how much I love your work and how you make me enjoy every Monday thanks to your regular updates ! I saw a previous anon telling you how your writings lacks of emotion and I totally disagree with them... obviously everybody won’t like it but your stories just DON’T lack of love or emotion this is madness I want to thank you for publishing your amazing stories freely here for everyone to read. (Sorry if my English is weird I’m french ejfjekfjd)

“this is madness” LOL

You’re hilarious, anon. And your english is perfectly fine!!!

anonymous asked: Hello! Im the culinary student anon who sent you an ask a while ago and i saw you received an ask about the lack of emotion from your stories. I read kitchen romance and i actually really really like it and don’t quite understand how it lacks in emotions as I interpreted the stories more like the beginning of the oc and jin’s love story and they are only starting to open up to each other so i guess thats why anon might feel like it lacks romantic vibe from both of the characters. (1)

Anonymous said: Just want to tell you that you’re one of the best writer and ive been following you for 2/3 years now, you never failed to amaze me with your writings!! All your stories are so well written that i sometimes wonder how do you come up with such an amazing plot every single time and your stories are always nice to re-read and the effort you pour into creating your stories is also admirable (2)

while i was reading kitchen romance and ive only started s&c (currently on chapter 4) i can say that its pretty similar with how it is irl (and the part where we find out jk is an iu fans reminded me of my ex-crush whose also a culinary student, i would like to tell you a story about it but ill just waste your time lol) , just want to send you a few encouragement and love for you and your writings *sending virtual hugs* (3) -👩🏻‍🍳anon

You’re too kind, thank you (and also, welcome back!). I’ll be frank, there was a hot second I was considering taking down Kitchen Romance but I didn’t cause I don’t want my efforts of editing it to go to waste asdfghjkl. I can’t believe you’ve been sticking around me for so long :’) it’s always nice to know some folks stay. Anyway, I’m glad that Sugar and Coffee is pretty similar to how it works irl since I tried my best to do research. I definitely love a good storytime as well so don’t worry about wasting my time :>

Anonymous said: a good majority of your fics display an unfathomable amount of DEPTH. regarding character development. plot. even the shortest lines of dialogue reveal so much more to the character and unveil their true emotions. i personally think the more REALISTIC side of love may be perceived as 'bland.' ‘emotionless.’ whatever you want to call it. nothing’s wrong with portraying a relationship that isn’t overboard with a whole lot of tooth aching fluff or lowkey annoying pda. +1

Anonymous said: there’s nothing wrong with taking out a bit of emotion to fit the PERSONALITIES of the characters. some people out there don’t necessarily feel a lot of emotions. so it’s honestly not really a mistake if a story lacks it (unless it was unintentional). subtlety is an art that is hard to master, but you’ve done it! and to respond to the anon, sometimes, if you skim through a fic without reading every word the author intended for you to read, +2

Anonymous said: then it’s quite common to not feel the full extent of the emotions you were supposed to feel. just a thought but no hate. we’re all entitled to our opinions. but besides that, kina, you write on a vast scale ranging from hardcore angst to diabetes-inducing fluff. and you do it beautifully. sure there are some stories that are better than others, but i believe a LOT of it comes down to personal preference and taste. +3

Anonymous said: even if you are feeling creatively limited, you work hard to continue writing for your readers, and your determination and diligence wILL NOT GO UNNOTICED. i just want you to know that you write amazingly. your syntax is practically immaculate, your characters feel real… the endings of your stories always wrap something up and the strings are tied—even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. you can convey hundreds of different characters through WORDS. +4

Anonymous said: i’ll have you know that it’s hard to write. it’s even harder to write about people who aren’t YOU. so as someone who looks up to you a lot, i want to commend you for your writing. some of your fics that i read on a monthly basis: tears of a villain, a piece of the moonlight, head over heels to hell, ghost in the machine, a mark of betrayal, a kiss of poison, until yesterday, the truth between us and arcadia. +5

Anonymous said: to be fair, there were way more fics but i didn’t want to make this message any longer than it already is LOL. i find these pieces wonderful. heart wrenching. and SO DAMN EMOTIONAL IT PLAGUES MY MIND FOR DAYS. also you’re literally one of the few fucking people who can use the em dash correctly. thank you so much for sharing your talent with us! +6

Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say, anon. This is a whole damn thesis and it’s about my fics :’> You know, it’s easy to brush off fanfiction as a ‘whatever’ thing and indeed, it isn’t that big of a deal compared to some things in the world. But I really do take all my stories seriously and put forth a lot of effort - so to see it recognized and appreciated it makes me beyond happy. It’s good to know that my efforts haven’t gone to waste at all and that there are people out there who will support me no matter the endeavours I take. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.

((Also, honestly I picked up the em dash usage after I wrote The Truth Between Us with gukyi who used it. I’m pretty sure I’m not using it right but to hear that I am, god damn that’s a breath of relief right there))

backtobleuside submitted: Are you kidding me!? Your stories don’t lack love at all. They’re the kind of fics that you read, soak it all in and then come back for more. I’ve cried so much when I read Beyond reach, Boo-lieve in me, A piece of the moonlight, His name, Tell me lies etc. etc, and also laughed and felt the emotions of not just the OC, but also the other characters. Kitchen Romance was also so fluffy and sweet and personally, I don’t think that anything needs to be added to it. Anyway, your fics do not lack emotion—you’re probably the first author I send a message to because your stories impacted me a lot and left a strong impression on me. I even imagine your characters as real people who have real lives that continue on even after the story is done.

asdfghjkl thank you :’) I see you every week and sometimes several times at that. I really appreciate your consistent feedback and following. You never fail to send me a message too which I appreciate a lot. I’m glad you’re enjoying everything I’m producing!!

youngfleurever said: Would just like to say that your fics do in fact make me violently sob to the boy where my eyes are so swollen I have trouble opening them the next day and I wake up feeling like there’s sawdust in my mouth because I’m dehydrated.

oh my god. please keep yourself hydrated hahahahhaha more importantly, how do you know what sawdust in your mouth is like. WHAT have you been doing LOL

Anonymous said: I’ve felt emotions that I’ve never felt before when I read your fics.... so as a person that has read your entire masterlist, I DO NOT think that your fics lack emotion.... I hope you don’t feel disheartened because you’re one of my favourite writers, not just on tumblr but like, evER 💓💓💓💓💓💓

Please, even if I was disheartened, the overwhelming amount of feedback and praise has completely overridden it :’)

joonie-mono said: when tumblr deletes the first part of your ask 🙄😌✌️

LOOOOOOOL

haylo4ever said: Sorry had to add my 10 cents. You're such a talented writer,,, I WISH I could write a smol smol 1/1000000000 that you write,,, like I remember when I followed you bc I was in awe of your writing.... I mean?? Sure maybe not every fic hits it with someone but it's just ridic to name drop (a friend nonetheless) when you're all extremely talented writers.

Trust me, writing comes with practice!! I should honestly just tattoo that on me. God knows my first fanfic was absolutely GARBAGE. I didn’t know pacing, didn’t know that I should separate chunks of paragraphs, how to write dialogue or describe scenes properly. I went in blind. Even my second, third and fourth fanfic was garbage. You could definitely get to “my level” or even far surpass it with enough dedication and practice. I mean I’ve been writing for four years, so thank GOD there’s been improvement. I wouldn’t be natural if there wasn’t. But clearly the more you practice, the better you improve! That applies to anything.

The me in ten years will certainly be better now.

Anonymous said: Hi kina! I’m here in support of kitchen romance! I actually didn’t feel like it was missing a ton of fluffy moments (and I say that as a huGE LOVER OF FLUFF) but the story was just as entertaining in the whole chase of them getting closer to each other! It’s honestly one of my favorite one shots I’ve read lately and I’m not saying that lightly! Also, that anon that said your work lacks emotion has probably not read like half of your masterlist bc oO MAN QUEEN OF MAKING ME CRY- black heart anon🖤

Thank you :’]

Anonymous said: Ok I’m very offended wow the audacity!Specially coming for my baby kitchen romance like that story made me feel so much and it’s only one of the many fics you have written kina like I’m literally baffled like dynasty has made me cry scream happy and hot all at the same time and I was literally just thinking about it that whole weekend and this anon has the nerve to say your stories lack emotions?When you are literally the queen of show casing all types of emotions in your stories!You did it all

Anonymous said: Also 😭😭😭😂😂😩hoooooooow and whereeee did they see any lack of love and emotions like have you read jungle park???? Inside my mind??? FREAKING SUGAR AND COFFEE (like this fic is made with love and I- ) Actually you know what , just read the whole masterlist😩😩💗💗💗

LOL tbh I didn’t expect Dynasty to receive the love it has. I was actually kind of wary when posting it cause it’s kind of Wild. 

bangtans-peaceful-piegon said: just gotta say u handled that whole anon thing so well which not only makes me admire u as a writer but even more as a person :] (i mean i knew u were gr8 before the whole deal but yeah love ya 💛)

tbh, I’m not sure how well I handled it cause I was flooded with over 30 messages afterwards (evidently) ;_; which I love and appreciate but I’m not really as hurt as some people think hahaha criticism should be received well but it’s still hard not to take personally tbh. It’s gonna have to be something I work on or perhaps it’ll be one of those things that I’ll take better with age.

[batgirl-87]

Summary: Some members of the Cursed Vaults Gang discuss relationships and dating in lieu of studying. Charlie provides a surprisingly insightful view on the topic that stuns the others and leads Charlie to his own realization and to take a courageous leap of fate.

Word Count: 2,789

Genre: Deleted Scene? Fluff?

Warnings: Lack of Slytherins =(

Playlist: Your Eyes – Rent, They Were You – The Fantasticks, Black Butterflies and Déjà Vu – The Maine, Symphony – Clean Bandit feat. Zara Larsson, Dakota – The Rocket To The Moon

Note: Takes place during January of Sixth Year, an excerpt from my series of Charlie and Keira figuring out their relationship, done before Charlie confesses his feelings. (I will link that fic once it’s posted).

* Written, honestly, to ease my own insecurities on the pace in which I am writing Charlie and my MC’s relationship. After reading so many great fics by others about their MCs reuniting with Charlie after graduation, I couldn’t help but worry I was progressing things too quickly. I also enjoy a slowburn (who doesn’t?!) and want to make sure I build up their connection and relationship enough that their relationship progression is appropriate and realistic – like, it’s about time! And I started this at their first kiss and have started going back writing moments between them before that to hopefully set the relationship more between them but I still have insecurities about it, like maybe I should have more pining even after the Ball and not have them get together until Seventh Year… Anyway, so that’s really the reason for this piece, to sort of help me feel better about what I’m doing. (Idk if it’s working =p) *

I sat down and wrote this out in a couple hours in one sitting and did a quick edit but please excuse any errors (I was excited to have that motivation to just sit and write something out nonstop!) – there’s going to be a lot of the same words repeated/used and probably shifts in tenses, sorry.

“There you guys are!” Penny set her book bag down on the floor before swinging her leg over the bench to join her friends at their study table in the Great Hall. “I thought when you suggested a study sessions you meant in the library,” she explained as she began taking out her books and notes from her bag and placed them on the table in front of her. “I’ve been searching the entire library for you guys, walking up and down all the rows, looking everywhere you.” She even sounded a little out of breath.

“Well the original plan was the library,” Andre began before looking up from his textbook and giving a pointed look to the pink haired Hufflepuff on the other side of the table, “But someone got us kicked out by Madam Pince.”

“Is it my fault she can’t take a joke,” Tonks asked innocently with a shrug.

“You can only push someone so far,” Charlie lightly lectured his prankster friend since First Year who sat next to him.

“Well at least here we can talk without someone constantly hushing us,” Tonks pointed out. “If I have a question about Potions I would like to be able to ask the Potions Master herself,” she said, motioning to Penny across from her.

“Where’s Keira, Rowan, and Barnaby,” Penny asked as she glanced along the table, possibly in an attempt to change the subject so they wouldn’t keep arguing about getting kicked out of the library.

“Quidditch practice,” Charlie answered, possibly sounding a little bit disappointed.

If there was any hint of disappointment in his voice, Andre picked up on it. “Yes, we didn’t think Charlie would join us after finding that out,” he teased with a smirk.

“We just got back to talking and hanging out again, I just want to get things back to normal,” Charlie tried to explain. After not speaking or being around Keira for about two months and finally getting over that incident didn’t it make sense for him to be eager to get their friendship back to where it was before?

“What does that mean, exactly,” Andre asked curiously, watching his fellow Quidditch aficionado closely.

“What do you mean ‘what does that mean’,” Charlie asked quizzically, staring back at the Ravenclaw across the table from him.

“I mean, what is normal for you guys now?” Andre clearly found this conversation much more interesting than studying.

Charlie shrugged. “You know, like we were before. Where we could all study together, go to Hogsmeade, and hang out without any awkwardness or having to strategically dodge each other, I can help again with the Cursed Vaults – you know, back to being friends again.”

“Friends, huh,” Andre repeated with a slightly devious grin.

“Andre,” Penny said in a small warning tone.

“What? They’ve been dancing around this for long enough, don’t you think? Speaking of dance,” Andre started before quickly turning his attention back to the Gryffindor, “Didn’t you guys kiss at the ball last year?”

“Andre!” Penny couldn’t believe he brought that up so candidly but guess that was Andre. “That’s a personal, private matter between them.” The Hufflepuff was doing her best to help Charlie out who seemed completely in shock by Andre bringing that memory up – he didn’t even know they all knew that! And he doubted Keira told them so how did they know? Were they spying on them?

“I’m just trying to help them figure out their feelings for each other and their relationship,” Andre defended. “Aren’t you tired of them always making eyes at each other? They clearly fancy each other, just snog already and get it over with.”

“What makes you think they’ll stop making eyes at each other if they start dating,” Penny retaliated with a smirk.

“Plus it could make studying together really awkward if they’re snogging,” Tonks chimed in.

Charlie could feel his whole face heating up as they continued.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to snog her anyway, maybe he’s just admiring her beauty, like a piece of art. You don’t want to snog a painting,” Penny pointed out.

“No, he definitely wants to,” Andre stated. “Why would they kiss at all if they didn’t want to?”

“To determine if they want to do it more or not,” Penny reasoned.

They were talking about him like he wasn’t even there. Maybe he could sneak away….

“Well, do you want to do it again,” Andre suddenly asked him bluntly.

“Andre,” Penny cried again before smacking him in the arm with some of her notes.

“What? If you want to know the answer to something, ask. And he’s right here,” Andre told her, motioning to the tomato red Gryffindor across from him.

“Their relationship is between them,” Penny scolded.

“Penny, we’re friends. We’re going to be in each other’s business and relationships. Who are you going to turn to when the person you’re dating upsets you? Or if you need help getting them a gift for their birthday or planning something for you anniversary? You’re going to talk to your friends about your relationship,” Andre informed her. “And we’re here to help,” he added, turning his attention again to Charlie.

“Well then maybe we should be discussing someone else’s relationship then,” Penny reasoned, throwing a glance at the poor Gryffindor boy who looked completely humiliated and was hoping if he wished hard enough he would magically teleport himself anywhere else but there – too bad they hadn’t learn to apparate yet.

“Like yours? What happened between you and your date to the ball last year,” Andre asked, Charlie breathing out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in, relieved the attention was off of him, if even for a moment.

“We had a lovely time, thank you,” Penny informed him as she straightened out her notes.

“And… that’s it? Nothing grew from it,” Andre prodded.

“If you’re asking me if I’m dating anyone the answer is no, I’m not. Not everyone dates around a lot like you,” the Hufflepuff added with a smirk. “When was your first date? Third Year?”

Penny’s teasing didn’t seem to faze Andre in the least. “It’s true, not everyone can be as alluring as me.”

Penny rolled her eyes but smiled slightly as Andre complimented and flattered himself. She flipped open one of her textbooks, assuming they could get to studying for their O.W.L.s now.

“Do you think dating a lot of people is a bad thing,” Andre suddenly asked her, causing Penny to pause a moment and think.

“No, I don’t think it’s a bad thing, But you might need to ask yourself why you date so many people and go through these relationships so quickly. Like, do you even like these people? Maybe you have commitment issues –“

“Maybe I’m just enjoying being young and having fun and taking in all my options. I mean, I don’t want to be one of those people who only dates one person and marries their high school sweetheart or something,” Andre explained, making a somewhat disgusted face.

“What’s wrong with that? I think it’s sweet,” Penny said with a slight sparkle in her eye.

Andre couldn’t help but scoff slightly. “I think we’re too young to be settling down with one person for the rest of our lives.”

“I don’t think you agree to go out with someone planning on being with them the rest of your lives. But if that happens, that’s great,” Penny said with a shrug. “Don’t know if they’re someone you want to be with until you get to know them better and you do that by going out with them. Not by hooking up with them like some people do,” she explained, giving Andre another look who just smirked devilishly.

“Wouldn’t you feel cheated though? Like you missed out on life experiences, dating other people, if you only dated one person,” Andre asked.

“Yes, what a tragedy to miss out on bad dates with jerks or getting cheated on and your heart broken,” Tonks muttered as she stared down at the textbook in front of her but it was hard to concentrate on studying with those two going at it. Penny held out her hand towards her fellow Hufflepuff as she looked pointedly at Andre – see!?  Good point, Tonks!

“But aren’t those also life experiences a lot of people go through that you learn from and can relate to others through? If your friends are all talking about their dating past and lives and you can’t relate, can’t that create a distance between you? If a friend comes to you crying over their most recent break-up or horrible date and you try to comfort them, they’re just going be like ‘you don’t understand how I feel or what I’m going through.’ And then why would they come to you again. See? Distance.”

Penny frowned as Andre made his next argument. “I understand what you’re saying about it being difficult to relate to others but I think if you’re really friends something like that wouldn’t ruin a friendship. I mean, there’s other types of heartbreak and bad experiences one could have and sometimes all a friend needs to do is listen and validate –“

“And give ice cream,” Tonks chimed in.

“I just think you’d be missing out on experiences you’re supposed to be having while we’re young. Also, imagine only kissing or having sex with one person your whole life!” That thought horrified the Ravenclaw!

“Guess we know what Andre’s Boggart is,” Tonks teased. Her joked earned a small chuckle from the table, even Andre had to agree that was funny – and accurate!

“I just don’t think you can find ‘the one’ unless you date around a bit. Just because you two have some things in common and get along pretty well and you might find them cute doesn’t make them ‘the one.’ How do you know someone is ‘the one’ you really want to be with, are supposed to be with, if you don’t test the water and see what else is out there to confirm,” Andre asked.

“What if they are the one?”

The table went silent as they all looked over at the last person who they thought would say anything. He said it so softly they almost missed it. Honestly, they all expected him to sneak off when the focus shifted away from him. Why he would speak up during this topic and risk bringing the focus back to him and his ‘relationship’ with Keira was a mystery to them. Clearly he wasn’t really listening to them anymore, however, and was lost in his own thoughts, thinking out loud, possibly unintentionally.

He had to admit, part of him found this whole topic of discussion interesting, which was probably why he stayed instead of making his escape. As someone who never had any interest in dating or snogging, as Andre brought up, or anything of the sort, there was part of him that was intrigued how others viewed and felt about romantic and sexual relationships. And now that he had met someone who had sparked these new feelings within him that he never felt before, never thought he would ever feel, and still didn’t feel for anyone else, his curiosity on the subject had grown.

“If you meet someone who makes you feel like you’ve never felt before, like no one else had ever made you feel, aren’t they the one? And if they are, wouldn’t you want to spend as much time with them as possible? Making as many memories together as you can? Having as many experiences together as you can? And wouldn’t those experiences only be made better when you’re experiencing them together with someone you care about? Wouldn’t you want your firsts and only to be with them because you already know with anyone else it won’t feel the same? Greatly pale in comparison, probably won’t feel anything at all… And why, if you have these feelings for them, try to push them away and deny them to waste time with playing games and dating around to make sure or be like everyone else when your unique feelings solely for them should be enough? Sure, for most people they have to date around to find someone they feel this way about, but we’re not like most people. And if you’re fortunate enough to avoid all that shouldn’t you act on that because you’re privileged to find what everyone else is searching for without going through all the obstacles and hurdles and pain? Even if you were never searching for it, never wanted it before, but found someone who made you want it, doesn’t that make it even more rare and special and, therefore, more meaningful and significant – doesn’t that mean you should do whatever in your power to keep them in your life because their presence in it has made it better, happier?”

The trio of friends sat in a stunned silence as the Gryffindor appeared to be working out his feelings before their eyes – was he even aware he was saying this all out loud in front of them? Were others in the Great Hall listening in as well? It was definitely a sight to behold. No one would have ever expected the Seeker to suddenly spill out such an emotional string of consciousness, especially out loud to an audience.

“And, yes, there is the possibility they don’t feel the same way. But should that fear of a possibility without solid evidence dictate your life with this person and control you? Should you allow that fear to keep you from potential happiness and creating those memories and having those experiences together? If they don’t feel the same way, sure, it’ll hurt, but at least you won’t have that uncertainty haunting you and that fear controlling you anymore. And after some time couldn’t you heal and get back to at least being friends so you can still have them in your life? I’ve seen people date and break up and remain friends so why should this be any different? It’s not really fair to allow your own fear of what they might be feeling, how they might react, deny them with the opportunity to decide for themselves what they want. You can’t let your own fear decide for them. Soon we’ll be graduating and going on with our lives, and who knows how these Cursed Vaults and this R person, organization, whatever, will end – do you really want to waste this short time we may have together denying your feelings or allowing your fear of rejection to rob you of possibly some of the greatest memories and experiences you can have? What if something, Merlin forbid, does happen with the last Vault or with R? What if we graduate and get jobs on opposite ends of the globe? Won’t you regret never admitting your feelings for them? Never giving yourself, or them, the chance at sharing those incredible memories and experiences together? Don’t they deserve to know, even if they don’t feel the same way? Don’t they deserve to know how cared for they are? Don’t they deserve to know? Don’t they?”

The trio glanced between themselves awkwardly. Was he… was he asking them? Were they supposed to answer or was this a rhetorical question? Unsure, Tonks nervously started to raise her hand but quickly dropped it when he started up again, his speech growing more passionate the longer it went on. Who knew Charlie was so insightful on matters besides dragons?

“Don’t you both deserve a chance at happiness? Don’t you both deserve to see what these new feelings are for each other with each other? If I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before, I doubt I’ll ever feel this way about anyone else in the future, but I feel this way about them because… maybe they are the one. Maybe we’re meant to be. And if they are, if we are, why are we wasting all this time?” Charlie let out a small chuckle at his epiphany before grabbing his bag and quickly heading out of the Great Hall, leaving his friends to stare after him, still stunned and completely shocked.

Andre slowly reached over to slide the textbook that was just moments ago in front of Charlie over to himself, marking the page before closing it to return to the Gryffindor later. “Huh. He left his Dragon-Keeper’s Guide book behind,” he stated as he read the cover before looking up at the two Hufflepuffs.

“Whoa… this is serious,” Tonks murmured before the three looked back towards the doors of the Great Hall where the dragon obsessed Weasley just sprinted out of, leaving his dragon text behind.

“How'd I Let You Slip Away When I'm Longing So To Hold You Now I'd Die For One More Day 'Cause There's Something I Should Have Told You

When I looked into your eyes (And I find I can't hide from your eyes The ones that took me by surprise) You were the song all along And before the song dies I should tell you, I should tell you” 

Tag List: @sungoddessra @sly-vixen-up2nogood @urban-eagle / @scribbleries @bexeris @cinnamoncam @tatlikar 

(Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list! =) )

[metatiki]

Favorite Passage Written 2018

Tagged by the magnificent @opal-bee! Thank you so much! <3

I don’t know how many words I wrote last year, honestly, but for me it was a low output year. Most of the writing I did was for my Inquisitor Dorian fic, and most of it isn’t published yet and will be later, so I couldn’t use it here.

This scene, however, ended up not fitting the overall pacing and tone of the next Act, so it got cut. But I still really like it, so I thought I’d share it here. I might put it up on AO3 as part of a ‘Deleted scenes’ archive someday (I am keeping quite a few deleted scenes) but for now, it’s a Tumblr-only thang.

This was originally written for Act III of Don’t Worry, I’ll Protect You, my Cullrian fic where Dorian becomes Inquisitor after a terrible accident befalls his dear friend Inquisitor Lavellan (see my AO3 profile under tklivory for more). This scene occurs while everyone is travelling back to Skyhold after Adamant and the confrontation with Nightmare in the Fade. Cullen is recovering from injuries received there. NOTE: I’m presenting it with minimal editing. 

I’m tagging whoever else wishes to do this! Enjoy!

Fic: Don’t Worry, I’ll Protect You Pairing: Cullen/Dorian Game: Dragon Age: Inquisition (AU) Rating: T (This scene, anyway)

The next day proved to be no less tortuous than the first in terms of boredom, but at least Cullen had a bit more physical freedom now that the healers had worked their herbal and magical magic. The bandages were gone, and the heavy casts on his knee and wrist were reduced to far thinner versions supplemented by a spell. He no longer felt as if he were dragging large stones around whenever he moved. A horse still wasn’t possible, but at least he was able to get some real work done on the post-battle summary and recommendations for bonuses for the soldiers in the battle.

Of course, to decide on those awards, he had to speak extensively to the other leaders on the field. Blackwall was straightforward and brusque in his recommendations, and had high praise for several members of the Inquisition Forces. After a similar conversation with Ser Barris, he settled in for a good long session of list making and recommendations. He found himself frequently glancing at the door even as he worked, however, or pausing every time the carriage changed speed, hoping the door would pop open to reveal a familiar smile.

When the carriage did finally slow to a halt, he quickly tucked his lap desk to the side, not wishing to seem distracted from his visitor, especially if it was who he’d been expecting all day.

Dorian’s head pushed into the cabinet. “You’ll need to move your-- Oh, you already have. Capital. One moment.” And then he disappeared again.

As Cullen blinked in confusion, something was pushed into the carriage, floating without a hand touching it: a round, flat piece of decorated wood. As Dorian poked his head in again, Cullen asked, “Ah… What is it?”

“Sit back just a little further,” Dorian said in answer, waiting until Cullen had done so before making a little gesture. “There should be enough room, if my measurements are correct.”

Despite the questions hovering on his lips, Cullen managed to restrain himself until the piece of wood lay flat, allowing him to see the other side. His eyes widened. “A chess board?”

“Indeed!” Dorian exclaimed as he climbed into the carriage with Cullen’s chess set in hand. Settling into the seat across from Cullen, he said, “I had to scour the entire encampment to find one. Apparently, one of the Templars serving under Ser Barris is a fiend for chess. I had to promise some excellent wine from the Skyhold cellars to acquire this.” He rapped the board with his knuckles. “Still, well worth it, don’t you think?” Setting the box on the board, he pushed it across to Cullen. “I’ll let you do the honors, since they are your pieces.”

Cullen smiled. “You stole them from me last night, didn’t you?”

“Well, I couldn’t let them get packed away again, could I?” Dorian replied. “It’s much better this way.”

“It’s fine. It’s been a long time since I last played chess, actually,” he said, reaching for the box at last and working at the clasp. “Not since I played with-- Oh.” He frowned as the box opened, revealing something he’d forgotten until now.

“Commander?” Dorian asked, an expression of concern on his face.

Mutely, Cullen turned the box around so that Dorian could see its contents, knowing he would understand immediately.

“Oh.” Dorian reached out and lightly touched one of the dried flowers of the wreath which lay within. “She always did love embriums.”

“It was our stake,” Cullen explained softly as he turned the box sideways so he could retrieve the wreath. “Whoever won got to wear the wreath in the next game, and she would just make a new one when the old one withered.”

“So you won your last game with her,” Dorian guessed in a quiet voice.

“Mhmm.” Cullen’s fingers moved over the flowers gently, not wishing to disturb the desiccated petals. “She was improving, but I still tended to beat her most of the time. She was a sharp learner, but sometimes she would get overeager, and I could-- I would figure out what her game was. She insisted I not let her win, but--”

“But sometimes you did,” Dorian guessed. “And she figured it out.”

“Apparently I have tells,” Cullen said with a soft chuckle. “She’d reprimand me, of course.”

Dorian smiled. “She could have a sharp tongue when necessary.”

“Yes.” Cullen took a deep breath, letting a smile come to his lips. “I’ll have to figure out how to preserve that. It’s a special memory.” And, he realized, it truly was just that: a memory. Not a pain. Not a loss. Simply a poignant reminder of a happy time in his life.

Leaning forward, Dorian lightly placed his hand on one of Cullen’s. “If you wish to keep these memories of her to yourself,” he said quietly, “then I will find some other pursuit to bring here.”

“No.” Cullen sniffed, then straightened and focused on Dorian, tearing his eyes from the wreath. “No. She’d prefer us to play together, I think. To remember the good times with her, and not… not those last moments.”

Dorian smiled. “I do believe you are correct.” Squeezing Cullen’s hand, he sat back in his seat and began to pull the pieces from the box. “Though I’m not very good at weaving flowers together, I’ll warn you. They’d probably fall off if you so much as sneezed at them.”

Cullen chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Looking down at the wreath one more time, he brought it to his lips for a gentle kiss, then set it onto the table where both men could see it. “There. Now, which side do you want to play?”

“Does it matter?” the mage asked airily. “I’ll defeat you either way.”

As he started to place the pieces on the table, Cullen gave him a look. “We’ll see what tune you sing after the game is over, Inquisitor,” he said with a grin. “I daresay it will be different.”

“You’re on, Commander,” Dorian said, then sat back to contemplate the board, fingers steepled. This game was long overdue, after all.

After that, the chess game became a daily occurrence for as long as he was confined to the carriage. Given that he was the Commander, however, his healing sessions continued morning and night to great effect. The first time he was able to walk - albeit stiffly, and with the aid of a crutch - he had to be forced back into the carriage so that he didn’t overexert the healing knee. And, a couple of days after that, when he was finally allowed onto a horse, he spent the next few hours riding to inspect every last inch of the Inquisition forces.

The cheers that greeted him raised not only his spirits but, he hoped, those of the soldiers as well. He spent as much time leaning over his saddle to shake and touch the hands of his troops as he did actually riding along their lines, but everywhere he went, the men and women of the Inquisition rushed to meet him, to make sure he was all right.

It wasn’t until the evening after an extensive healing session and a light dinner  - eaten one handed, since his wrist was still wrapped securely in a thin cast - that he realized there was one particular face amongst his troops that he hadn’t seen. As a frown came to his face, the tent flap opened to allow Dorian entrance, chess board and pieces in hand. He paused there, regarding Cullen with a raised eyebrow. “Is something amiss, Commander? Is this a bad time?”

“What? No, no,” Cullen said, gesturing to the table. “I’m glad you came. I did miss our game earlier, but…”

Dorian chuckled as he tugged the table closer to Cullen and proceeded to set the board. “You were enjoying your mobility. I quite understand, Commander. But why the frown, hmm?”

“Oh.” Cullen blinked. “I didn’t see Jim while I was inspecting the troops, that’s all. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t see him when there was work to be done. Once he started pulling his weight, anyway.”

“Ah, Jim,” Dorian said with a nod. “Yes. He’s been sent ahead to Skyhold on special assignment.”

Cullen’s eyebrows rose. “Special assignment? What’s this? I hadn’t heard about any special assignment.”

Dorian grinned at him. “That’s because I didn’t want you to.”

“Oh, now that doesn’t sound suspicious at all,” Cullen drawled as his eyes narrowed.

“You’re right. It’s not suspicious at all. Wine?” Dorian moved to Cullen’s storage chest and pulled out the goblets. “I’ve been assured this one is a bit better than the last, so we can hope it doesn’t taste like vinegar.”

“Inquisitor,” Cullen groaned. “You’re avoiding the question.”

Dorian gave him a wink as he poured the wine into the goblets. “And quite on purpose, I assure you.” As he handed the goblet to Cullen, his face softened. “Don’t worry, Commander. I care about them, too. It is a special assignment, and no, I’m not going to tell you about it, and yes, the men are perfectly safe while they perform it. I suppose you’ll just have to trust me.”

Cullen’s gaze traveled over Dorian’s face, a habit that was becoming routine, until he finally sighed and reached for his drink. “If you insist.” A faint chuckle rose to his lips as he settled back into his chair and lifted his leg to rest on a stool as the healers had insisted. “I suppose if I trust you to take me out of the Fade, I’ll have to trust you when you say my soldiers aren’t in danger this time. Of course, now I’m just bloody curious.”

“As you should be,” Dorian teased him as he sat down opposite Cullen. “Now. I do believe I won yesterday, did I not?”

“I was distracted, you remember.” Cullen reached down absently and rubbed his knee gently. “All that infernal itching before they removed the cast.” And definitely not because he’d found himself staring at Dorian, no. Definitely not.

Dorian laughed as he quickly set up the chess pieces so that he got the first move. “You keep telling yourself that, Commander. I think I’ll go with my superior skill, hmm?”

With a grin, Cullen leaned forward in anticipation. “All I can say is you’d better think of something to blame your distraction on tonight. I know your play style now, so I know how to plan my assault.”

“Oh, do you?” Dorian asked. When Cullen glanced up from the board, he caught the amused expression on Dorian’s face when one curl of the mustache rose ever so slightly.

For a bare moment, Cullen stared at it, then quickly dragged his gaze back to the board. “Your move, Inquisitor,” he said in an oddly strained voice.

“Perhaps we should dispense with the formalities in private,” Dorian mused as he drew his finger along the board in front of his neatly arranged pieces. “We do have names, after all, and it seems a trifle odd to keep using our titles when we’re alone. Do you call Cassandra Lady Seeker?”

Cullen thought about it for a moment, then chuckled. “Only when I’m irritated with her,” he admitted.

That made Dorian laugh softly. “Maker forfend you are ever irritated with me! Besides, we already know how you deal with that, hmm? Especially if there’s a wall handy.”

WIth a wince, Cullen reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Inquisitor…” When he heard a little clunk, he looked at the board and saw that Dorian had made his move. “Oh, is that your strategy this time? Provoke me into distraction and then move when I least expect it?”

“Would I do that?” Dorian asked with a flutter of his eyelashes.

“Definitely,” Cullen groused as he considered the board for a moment. Granted, Dorian’s first move was fairly standard, but he could at least eliminate some of the possibilities of where the game could go from the outset. As he moved his piece, he said, “Were you serious about the name thing?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Dorian asked, surprised. His hand tapped one piece, then moved to another, then another as he hummed thoughtfully. He glanced up, waiting until Cullen brought his drink to his lips before adding, “Although when you are irritated with me, I give you full permission to press me against the nearest wall as a consequence. That should get my attention quickly enough.”

The spray of wine from Cullen’s mouth was followed by a coughing fit and a long breath for much-needed air. “Dorian!” Cullen gasped finally.

“Was it something I said, Cullen?” Dorian asked, lips twitching. He had, Cullen noticed with a flick of his eyes, made his move on the board while Cullen was coughing, in keeping with his new strategy.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that,” he muttered as he finished wiping the wine from himself and mopped up as best as he could.

“I would never assume your keen eyes miss anything,” Dorian told him. He remained silent while Cullen’s fingers drummed on the board, speaking only when he reached for another piece. “They are such a lovely shade of brown that I would not mind looking into for a while, either.”

Cullen blinked, then looked up at Dorian. His eyes narrowed suspiciously at the completely innocent look the man affected. “You’re up to something.”

“Winning, I hope,” Dorian said as he lifted his cup to drink.

Trying to turn the trick back on Dorian, Cullen said, “I wasn’t referring to anything above your waist, Dorian.” Though Dorian didn’t quite do a spit-take, he did suffer from enough of a coughing fit that Cullen was able to move his piece without being noticed. It wasn’t a brilliant or unexpected move, but it was made using the tactics Dorian had established. When Dorian recovered enough to glare at Cullen, it was his turn to affect innocence. “What?”

“You know exactly what you did,” Dorian grumped as he set his goblet down and looked at the board.

“Truce, then?” Cullen offered.

Dorian sighed. “Oh, very well. Truce. I’m running out of wine, anyway.” With a sigh, he moved his next piece without drama, then set about refilling their cups in silent apology.

After that, they fell into a companionable silence as the game progressed, with only an occasional comment or murmur to break it. Eventually they found themselves down to the last few moves of the game, with both men’s brows furrowed in concentration. Familiarity with the other’s tactics and strategies had settled in, and now they were at the stage of trying to outwit each other in unexpected moves. As Cullen reached out and moved a piece at a diagonal, Dorian’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“Are you sure about that?” he asked. “That sets you up for defeat in five moves.”

“Does it?” Cullen asked, leaning back in his chair and steepling his fingers.

Dorian glanced up at Cullen’s face, then back at the board, and his eyes narrowed further. “I must be missing something,” he muttered. He shifted in this chair, moving so that he could view the board from one angle, then another, and sipped thoughtfully at his wine in between, all in an effort to understand what, precisely, Cullen was trying to do. “You’re being sneaky,” he accused the other man.

“It’s called strategy, Dorian,” Cullen said. “You should try it sometime.”

‘Oh, ho ho!” Dorian said, pressing a hand to his chest. “Are you mocking me?”

“No. I’m twitting your vanity,” Cullen said with a grin. “Go on, make your move.”

“And how can I play when you make such a bold strike with that rapier wit of your tongue against something so very personal?” Dorian protested.

Cullen sat back in his chair and sipped from his drink. “I’m sure you’ll find a way. From what I’ve seen, you usually do.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Dorian demanded, even as he reached forward and flicked a piece forward.

The motion brought a frown to Cullen’s face. “Wait. Why did you do that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Dorian said airily. A lazy grin came to his face as he held his goblet by the rim, letting it swing gently back and forth as he moved his hand. “And here I thought you had me all figured out.”

With a snort, Cullen glanced at him for a moment, then focused on the table again. “I daresay that is beyond my poor capabilities.”

“You say that now, Cullen, but then… No. No, you’re right.” Dorian gave him a smirk. “You’ll say that after you go down in ignominious defeat as well.”

“I’m the Commander of your Forces, I might remind you,” Cullen said. “You’re not supposed to enjoy trouncing me quite so much.”

“Ah, but it will be such a sweet, sweet victory,” Dorian mused, watching avidly as Cullen moved yet another piece. “Wait. That’s not--”

“That’s not what, hmm?” Cullen said, raising an eyebrow as he leaned back in his chair. “Not what you expected?”

“Oh, hush,” Dorian commanded, hunkering over the table once more.

With a soft chuckle, Cullen raised his glass to his lips and drank from it slowly, watching Dorian try to puzzle through the game as it had been set up for him. His gaze moved slowly over the man, noting that the normally impeccable hair was just a bit out of place. Those few hairs made his fingers itch, and before he knew it, he reached forward to smooth them out.

Dorian looked at Cullen in surprise. “What was that for?”

“Ah…” Cullen coughed and leaned back quickly. “Your hair was mussed.”

Looking amused, Dorian said, “You could have told me about it. Or ignored it.”

“Perhaps, but I’ve gotten so used to you looking perfect that it was a bit disconcerting.”

“Perfect, am I?” Dorian asked with a grin. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to vouchsafe that to other parties? It seems that my perfection seems to elude some.”

Cullen laughed, and tried to ignore the fact that his fingertips tingled slightly. “At any rate, you’re sorted out.”

“My vanity thanks you,” Dorian said, flashing him a brilliant smile before returning to his scrutiny of the game board.

Which brought Cullen right back to his own contemplation of the man across from him. With Dorian’s hair restored to its rightful place, Cullen admitted that he did have a preference for the man’s appearance, which was a startling thing to realize. In fact, he had more than grown accustomed to the man’s presence, he had come to look forward to it in a way that he did with very few others.

And only now, in the depths of his own mind as he sat and studied Dorian, could he acknowledge that it went a fair bit further than that. As Dorian raised his cup for a sip, Cullen found his gaze lingering on that perfect mouth for a bit longer than the motion warranted, and when Dorian’s tongue emerged to lick a bit of wine from his lips, Cullen bit the inside of his own. Surely I can’t… No, he isn’t… Shaking his head, he cleared his throat and quickly gulped his wine.

“Trouble, Cullen?” Dorian asked, looking up at him with a grin as he finally made his move. “Back to being scared of losing again? I think I see what your gambit is, you know.”

“Oh?” For a moment, Cullen could only stare at him. Finally he cleared his throat and asked, “And what might that be?” Maker knows, I’ve forgotten.

“You’re trying to be clever and use the Tevinter Reverse, aren’t you?” Dorian asked. Tapping his temple, Dorian then waggled his finger at Cullen before settling back in his chair. “But I’m on to you, now. I can reverse it.”

“Reverse a Reverse? Are you sure?” Cullen asked, forcing his eyes to drop to the table.

“Well, it is a Tevinter Reverse. I’d besmirch the honor of my forefathers if I couldn’t counter it,” Dorian said airily.

Now Cullen frowned. He didn’t think such a move was possible, but if Dorian said it was… “You’re bluffing,” he said finally, after staring at the board for a few moments. “There’s no way out of this.”

“Care to make a wager on that?”

Cullen looked up at Dorian, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as he saw the sly expression on the man’s face. “I left my purse back at Skyhold.”

Dorian’s eyes twinkled. “Well, thankfully, we’ll arrive there tomorrow so that you can pay me. But, if you don’t want to bet money, there are other options.”

Now that was a bit too intriguing. “Like what?”

“You’re a creative man, Cullen. Surely you can come up with something,” Dorian sallied back.

And, try as he might, Cullen simply could not dredge up a single idea that didn’t go straight to a place which seemed, to put it mildly, inappropriate between the Inquisitor and his Commander. At which point, his mind happily supplied just what had gone on between the last Inquisitor and her Commander.

“My dear Cullen,” Dorian said, eyebrows rising. “Are you blushing?”

“What? No. I’m, ah…” Cullen reached for his wine and gulped it down. “Perhaps we could wager for an undeclared favor? That way if you need me to pay your gambling debt to Varric, I can.”

“Clever,” Dorian mused. “You don’t have to come up with something on the spot, and I can decide at any time what to ask of you.”

“Or the reverse,” Cullen reminded him.

Dorian scoffed. “If you win. And that yet remains to be seen. Very well, I accept the wager.” He held out his hand. “A favor owed by the defeated to the victor.”

“A favor,” Cullen agreed, reaching out to shake on it.

The next few minutes were tense now that something rode on the outcome, nebulous as that stake was. With so few pieces left, and each man trying to outwit the other within the narrow path for victory or defeat for each of them, each move took longer than the last. The wine bottle ran dry and the goblets set aside before Cullen finally smiled and looked up at Dorian after the mage lifted his hand from his piece. “Got you.”

Dorian’s eyebrows lowered as he frantically looked over the board. “What do you-- Oh, veshante kaffas, how did I miss that?”

Cullen simply smirked as he moved his piece into position. It wasn’t that it would take Dorian’s linchpin piece, of course, but that the maneuver prevented Dorian from moving his own pieces to defend that piece. The ending was a forgone conclusion in three moves. “Do you concede, Dorian?”

“I see no other option,” Dorian said with a sigh as he leaned back in the chair. “You have your victory.”

“And your favor,” Cullen reminded him.

Dorian tilted his head and smiled. “Oh, you already have that.” After a moment, Dorian blinked and then looked away. “Ah. Pardon. The wine, you understand.”

“Of course. The wine.” Cullen cleared his throat and reached up to awkwardly rub his neck. “It must be quite late by now. I should to bed.”

“As should I,” Dorian said, rising to his feet. He did sway ever so slightly, but the bow he gave to Cullen was impeccable. “I shall leave you to your slumber, Commander.”

“I thought we were using names,” Cullen said mildly.

Dorian chuckled softly. “Do forgive my lapse. Cullen, then.”

And somehow, just hearing it spoken in Dorian’s hushed, deep voice made Cullen’s mouth go dry. To distract himself from that, he lifted his foot from the stool and forced himself to his feet.

Unfortunately, his body wasn’t quite ready for the change in position. Hours of sitting had stiffened his knee enough so that when he did put weight on it, a surge of pain shot through him and it buckled. With a yelp, he fell forward, avoiding an embarrassing fall flat on his face only due to Dorian’s quick reaction.

It took a moment for Dorian to do more than simply support Cullen, during which their faces were mere inches from each other. “Close call,” Dorian said with a bit of strain in his voice. “Don’t put any weight on that knee, all right? I’ll get you to bed.”

Cullen nodded, not quite ready to trust himself with speech given the way that his heart was racing in a way that he couldn’t entirely blame on his near-miss with a face full of dirt. As it was, he kept his eyes on Dorian as the man shifted his grip and slowly lifted them up. He found himself fascinated not only by the intensity of the man’s expression, but also by the play of muscles on his bare arm and the feel of his strength. When Dorian tugged Cullen’s hand over his shoulders and wrapped an arm around his waist to help him to bed, Cullen found that hand splayed on warm, firm skin and swallowed harshly.

“Painful, is it?” Dorian asked solicitously. “Don’t worry, it’s only a few steps. Come on, now.” With gentle coaxing and more than a bit of sheer strength, Dorian managed to get Cullen to the bed and swing him around so that his head was mostly on the pillow. “Hold on, I’ll check your knee.”

Cullen nodded, staring up at the ceiling of the tent as Dorian’s hands ran over his leg. A gentle warmth much like that of the mage healer stole over his leg, but the greater cause of warmth was, he realized, his reaction to Dorian’s touch. Closing his eyes, he wasn’t aware that he’d tensed his face until Dorian asked, “Does that hurt? I’m sorry, I’m not a healer. Perhaps I should fetch them.”

As the man moved to rise, Cullen’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. “No! Ah, no. The pain is fading, thank you. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Dorian asked as he sat on the side of the bed and searched Cullen’s face, then pressed his hand on Cullen’s forehead. “You’re flushed. Are you sure you’re not coming down with some sort of fever?”

“Quite sure,” Cullen said, then cleared his throat. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“You don’t have a history of being the most forthright of patients, but… very well.” Dorian withdrew a kerchief from one of his many pouches and used it to remove the sweat from Cullen’s brow. “There we are. Perhaps it is the wine. Some people do tend to get overheated when they are inebriated, after all.”

“That must be it,” Cullen agreed, relieved to have an excuse.

Dorian smiled as he put the kerchief away. “Then sleep is the best course for you, my friend. Here, let me adjust you a bit.” Leaning over, Dorian worked to get Cullen’s pillow in a more comfortable position.

Cullen’s eyes closed again as that subtle musk in Dorian’s hair flooded his senses once more. Maker, what was it about this man? Their relationship had shifted so gradually that he couldn’t pinpoint when acquaintance had become friend, and then most trusted confidant, yet that is what they had arrived at by the time the Inquisition had marched on Adamant. But now, with the scent of the man hovering around him again, he couldn’t help but wonder if the possibility of more had slowly crept from faint embarrassment to alluring ideal.

When Dorian suddenly froze, his eyes snapped open to find the grey eyes staring at him. Mouth dry and heart racing, he licked his lips and croaked, “What is it?”

“Your hand, Cullen,” Dorian said oh-so-softly, and Cullen could tell the moment that Dorian’s eyes dropped to his lips before rising to lock with his gaze again. “It is…. not what I was expecting.”

My hand. Cullen swallowed and concentrated, and finally glanced down to where his hand had come to rest on Dorian’s hip. Well… mostly Dorian’s hip. Actually, in all honesty, it wasn’t even mostly there. Slowly he looked up at Dorian again, his breath catching in his throat as a muscle very deliberately twitched under his grasp. “Do you wish it gone?”

“Oh, I am quite content,” Dorian murmured. An odd play of emotions shifted his features, too swiftly for Cullen to even begin to understand. Ultimately, though, his face settled into a small smile as he asked, “Do you wish it gone, never to have ventured there?”

Maker. Cullen felt the blood pounding in his ears as he licked his lips again, staring into Dorian’s eyes for so long he almost forgot to breathe. Could he admit the truth? “No,” he whispered at last in confession. “I don’t.”

For a long moment, Dorian simply searched his face, brows drawn together ever so slightly. Then he raised his hand to cup Cullen’s cheek as his thumb lightly stroked Cullen’s lower lip. “I’m glad,” he murmured, then leaned down.

Cullen’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt the caress of Dorian’s lips on his, the tension so great in him that even that barest of touches elicited a moan. When the man didn’t press further, though, Cullen’s hand rose from where it rested to sink into Cullen’s hair, drawing him into a more fervent embrace. In answer, Dorian seemed to melt into him, his response to Cullen’s insistence every bit as eager as Cullen could have hoped for.

The need for air finally pulled them apart, and Dorian hovered above Cullen as he panted to regain his breath. “I see you enjoy playing with fire, Commander,” he murmured in a husky tone.

“You could say that,” Cullen replied, his hand still caught in Dorian’s hair. He felt his injuries even more keenly now, or rather the immobility they imposed on him, but that didn’t matter nearly as much as the sight of Dorian’s flushed cheeks and darkened lips.

Dorian smiled, his thumb again stroking Cullen’s lip. “I have to ask… if the wine is a factor.”

Cullen’s brow furrowed, confused by the half-question more than anything. “No,” he said. “No, I am certain. It just… took me a while to admit it.”

A subtle tension left Dorian’s face, and he relaxed with a smile. His second hand rose to lightly trace the line of Cullen’s jaw and stroke through his hair. “Good. I have a… bad history of wine making decisions for myself and those around me.”

After a moment, Cullen ventured, “Hawke?”

Dorian nodded. “Among others, but he was the most foolish one, yes.”

Shifting his hand to cup Dorian’s face, Cullen finally let himself tease the curl of Dorian’s mustache as he had wanted to for so long. “That is not what is happening here, I promise you,” he said, trying to convince Dorian with every fiber of his being. “And we don’t break our promises to each other, remember?”

“No,” Dorian said, his lips curving into an almost tremulous smile.

And that smile then was so tender, so… beautiful, that Cullen couldn’t resist the man any longer. He pulled him into another kiss, ignoring the protest of his knee as he twisted his body to lean into Dorian more strongly. In answer, Dorian’s hand ran down his side and cupped an entirely different sort of cheek, pulling them as close as they could manage despite the awkwardness of the cot and Cullen’s injuries. Since he only had one working hand, Cullen kept moving it between Dorian’s hair and either of the man’s cheeks, or at least the ones he could reach. Finally they parted once more, gasping for breath, and Cullen finally had to admit that he was going to pay for their passion as he hissed in pain.

Dorian immediately grew contrite. “I pushed you too far, Cullen.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I definitely helped,” Cullen told him with a throaty chuckle. “And I don’t regret a single instant of it.” He rubbed his knee. “Well, except the whole being injured part.”

“This cot really isn’t big enough for the two of us, anyway,” Dorian replied. “Perhaps we should discuss a more primal version of this activity later, hmm?”

Cullen nodded, though when Dorian moved to pull back, he wrapped his arm around the man’s waist. “Where are you going?”

Dorian’s eyebrow raised. “I thought we were--”

“Done?”

“Or at least for the night,” Dorian admitted.

“Not yet,” Cullen said, trailing his fingers up Dorian’s bare arm to come to a rest on the man’s chest. “Not as long as we can still caress the other’s lips with our own.”

Dorian’s expression softened. “Is that what you wish?”

“Yes.” For a moment, Cullen let his frustration show as he said, “At least until we’re near a desk that can hold you weight, and I have a knee that can hold mine. But I don’t want to end this conversation quite yet. Our lips still have far more to say to each other, I think.”

Dorian smiled as he took Cullen’s hand and brought it to his lips for a gentle kiss. “Perhaps they do at that,” he murmured. Twining their fingers together, Dorian leaned in, passionately claiming Cullen’s lips with his own once more.

Time melted away around them as Cullen lost himself in the taste and feel of Dorian’s lips. Nothing else really mattered right now. Nothing but Dorian mattered.

And that was the way it should be.

[sabraeal]

i got tagged by @l0chn3ss....again, over a week ago....I’M CATCHING UP I PROMISE

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

I think I just have always used this username for internet things. I picked it back when I was working on a fic that involved a hierarchy of angels -- Sabraeal’s dominion is healing and illness. It seemed apropos, back when I was certain I was going to cure cancer with my biology degree

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

In a move that surprises no one, Seven Suitors for Shirayuki on AO3.

On tumblr it is Were Hearts Not an Unknown Country

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s the same as my tumblr icon, and I love it. @heartamplifier made it for me and it is gorgeous

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Besides @superhappybubbleslove and @claudeng80 on tumblr, I have a handful of semi=regular commenters on AO3 who I don’t know personally but would probably die for

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I feel like not one SPECIFICALLY. I have phases where I’m like, time to go hurt myself and read ISM’s fics, or like time to go read sarah’s regency fic and scream about how i want them to make out, or like let’s read the sexy alt timeline to Ever After again because I feel like lightly suffering. Sometimes I get in the mood for fics from other pairings I love and go read their greatest hits

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I had 46 bookmarked and 7 stories subbed to

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Modern AUs, for some reason, and when I’m lucky, fantasy/magic AUs

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

57 user subscriptions, 345 fic subscriptions, 487 bookmarks

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Not...overly? Though I just realized I might be signing myself up for shark dick, Shape of Water-esque smut and I just....don’t know how i feel about that turn in my life.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d love to be able to focus more when I write. I have such little non-baby time to write, and I can have a real problem buckling down and getting stuff done. Thanks ADD, you’re a real peach/

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Uhhhhh well, I guess popular ships, since Obiyuki EXPLODED since I started writing for it. But I do have some rare pair content coming up, so my time right now is split

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

I have 40 works, though some of those are collections of one-shots, so that’s anyone’s guess, honestly

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

I am not counting that, lord have mercy.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Write them down! As long as I’ve decided they’re gonna get written, everything gets written down (unless it’s SUPER short)

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

NOT YET

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

Oh children. Children. I’m over 30. I was THERE when that shit was made.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

I’d say in terms of ANS, yes, but it’s a big fish, small pond situation. In terms of popular authors in bigger fandoms, I am a very, very small fish

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

I....do not?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Not...specifically? I was always really driven to write. In terms of fandom...I think I only was so determined to post Seven Suitors because I thought @infinitelystrangemachinex needed to be able to read more than 2 good fics that weren’t her own writing

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Enjoy the process. If you’re only focused on telling the events, you’ll always be bored after you’ve outlined the story. Get pumped for showing off your skills.

You can’t improve in a vacuum. Talk out your plots with people. Let people edit your shit. Too many times people think they have to do it alone, and that’s how you stagnate as a writer.

Take writing advice from people you want to write like. Anon comments, random comments -- none of them matter, because you have no idea whether what these people want align with how you want to write. Listen to them, sure, decide if there’s something in it you can use, but -- this person could think Twilight was a good romance. Or Tolkein was good at character development. You don’t need their opinion.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I always know where I’m going. Maybe not SOLIDLY, but I don’t start a fic where all I know is the beginning

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

HAHAH YEP. I deleted it. It’s one thing to have constructive criticism (whether it’s helpful or not), but this was basically “don’t think this is mindless hate...*two comments worth of mindless hate*”

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Anything with a lot of limbs

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

SO MANY. I have a Seven Suitor’s B-side, a Suzuri WFB fic, a stupidly huge mitsukiki mermaid AU, the next chapter of Merry & Bright, the next chapter of Sensitive Negotiations, and sometimes I even get to pick away at the second part of the Stripper!Shirayuki fic

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Yep. I like knowing where my focus will be (though I tend to work on multiple things at once)

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

I try to have fic-related goals, like -- I’ll finish this scene, i’ll get to this part -- and I try to have a few fics i get through in a day (between 2-4, usually). But I also only dedicate two 20-minute sprints to each fic per day (except on saturdays, which are for plowing through fics close to being finished)

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

DEFINITELY

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Only looking at finished fics, probably either A Lion to Terrify the Wolves or Creatures of a Brief Season

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

I don’t think there’s any specific fic i don’t like? Maybe something I wrote as a teeny tiny, that never saw the light of day.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully published? We’ll see. Have to have time to work on original things, first.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Dialogue

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Keeping track of all the details over a long period of time *deep sigh*

33. Why do you write?

I enjoy telling stories! I can’t imagine not doing it

for tagging.... @superhappybubbleslove, @infinitelystrangemachinex, @thelionshoarde, @claudeng80 @codango

[hsj-scenarios]

Okay sweet followers--

There was a misunderstanding, and everything is cleared up now, so we’ve deleted the post this was originally on, but I think it still needs to be said, because we have gotten quite a few passive-aggressive messages that are from people who are clearly not happy with what we’re doing…so this is to just clear this up once and for all for anyone who’s interested.

If this doesn’t apply to you, please feel free to skip it--the truth is, we LOVE YOU ALL--even those who aren’t especially thrilled with us--that’s okay, you follow and you give us a chance every single time you visit our page to try to reach you!

When you consider sending us something that is forthright unkind, or even a subtly worded rebuke, please, please consider the following:

We don’t get paid for this. We spend hours making content for this site. It is a labor of LOVE. Honestly, we all take this seriously, not one of the four of us approach a single request lightly. We write it, edit it, we spend time on it and we do everything we can to put out our very best work for every single follower who trusts us with their ideas.

Here’s my current Jump list:

The other Mods have lists just like this!

We LOVE all of the requests! We all pick the ones that spark a fire in us–and we are each one working diligently as much as we can to make this blog the best it can be! Sure, we love it, but we want you guys to love it too!

It’s not easy, it’s time consuming, it leaves us completely drained most of the time, and we actually do have really busy lives away from these screens–commitments, family, friends, work, school, and a few of us are also involved in other fandoms and even WRITE for those fandoms!

Believe me, though, hear me clearly–not one of us are complaining. There is nothing we would want to do more than to write for all of you!

We do this because we LOVE it, and we are driven to write, it’s pretty much a compulsion. Because this is part of our lives and we must write.

But, please understand, some days it’s heavy, sometimes it’s really heavy, it’s not that it’s a burden, but when you have so many things spinning in your head, and so many stories waiting to be told it can be overwhelming–so if you see us being stupid…see us goofing off…because if we found something light-hearted, fun and trivial that we can throw ourselves into once in a blue moon–something that not only reflects our personalities and how much we love this blog–but also gives us a chance to show you guys what we’re like behind the scenes?

Well, we like to do that because it gives us a good laugh, breaks us out of the million stories running through our minds and, okay, maybe it’s naive of us to think it matters to any of our followers at all–but we imagined that it would be something all of you might enjoy too.

We’re humans, we work so hard, we’re not writing drones–and we like to be stupid and goofy and dumb and silly and out of control and completely irrelevant just like everyone else now and again…

But if it feels like people get upset with us then I think we’d all pause the next time we wanted to share something that wasn’t ‘on topic’ or maybe too much over the top.

And that’s so wrong…on so many levels. These kinds of things hurt our feelings because we’re doing our best, we’re working so very, very hard for all of you!

If you find yourself unhappy with us more than we make you happy, then please, don’t be angry or put out with us, it’s okay if you decide to unfollow because  we can’t be everything for everyone everywhere...

ℒℴѵℯ, Mod J (^•ᆺ•^)ﾉ ．☆． ♡ 。．:*･°

[babytrash2003]

Imagine

Dan turns on the camera, he rants about how he is once again depressed, and how everything hurts, how he cant take it anymore, how he is going to end his life. He edits the video, knowing Phil wont be home for a few more hours. He posts the video to YouTube before shutting down the computer and sitting on the floor of his bedroom. He lets more tears stream down his face before putting the knife to his neck and ending it all. Phil has a horrible feeling in his stomach and he runs home, not stopping for even a second. He runs into Dan’s room, seeing his lifeless body, blood flowing from his neck. His stomach lurches into his throat. He falls to his knees and pulls Dan’s body to him, crying into his neck. He starts to scream about how “this cant be happening!” and how “its not fair!” The neighbors hear and call the police. Once they get there they knock loudly, but Phil is still screaming and cant hear anything outside the room. The police finally break down the door and run to Dan’s room, seeing the scene before them. They pull Phil off of Dan and the paramedics arrive minutes later. Phil watches as they take Dan and put him in a body bag, confirming what Phil already knew, Dan is gone. He scream “ He watches them take Dan away. This is not fair! I love you, you idiot! Now I'm never going to get to tell you!” He runs to Dan’s room and rips the yellow police tape off of the door and walks in, avoiding the blood that's forming a stain on the carpet. He walks over to Dan’s bed and screams at, kicks, and hits it with everything he has in him. He wants to disappear. He collapses onto the bed and cries with all the energy he has in him. “How, how could you do this to me? Think of all the things we wont ever be able to do now! We’ll never kiss, or hold hands as we walk down the street blocking out the world. We’ll never be able to stare deeply, lovingly into each other’s eyes. I’ll never be able to grip the back of your thighs, holding you up, as your hands roam my hair and your legs rap around my hips, our lips locked together, we will never be able to do any of that and its all your fault!” Phil screams at the bed as if its Dan himself. He finally gets up off the bed and walks out of the room, going into his own. He feels lost, the bright colors don't reflect how he feels, he feels dark. He feels blue-black. Not the bright blue, but a dark sad blue. He pulls off his sheets and throws them down the stairs. He walks back into Dan’s room and takes his sheets off his bed, bringing them to his own room, and putting them onto his bed. He goes to Dan’s room and does the same with everything else. He goes to Dan’s wardrobe and takes all of his clothes out, putting them in his own wardrobe. He walks back into Dan’s room, doing a one over, to make sure he didn't forget anything. He sees Dan’s computer and walks over to it. He opens Dan’s social media accounts and sees things about the video Dan made. He goes to Dan’s YouTube and clicks his videos, seeing the most resent one posted a few hours ago. It's titled ‘Goodbye Internet’ Phil opens it to see Dan’s tear stained face. “Hello guys, so I’ve been extremely depressed lately. I haven't even wanted to get out of bed to eat marshmallows under my fridge. I didn't even want to make this video because of the energy its going to take. However you guys deserve some closure.” The tears start streaming down Dan’s face again as he says “I can’t do this anymore. It’s as simple as that, I cant live anymore. It hurts too much. All I feel is pain. It feels like someone is stabbing me repeatedly and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, other then take my own life.” Phil’s breathing hitches in his throat as he waits for Dan to speak again. “I know what you’re thinking ‘What about Phil?’ and I know this is going to leave him in a world of pain, I know he loves me. and I love him. But this is bigger then him. I know how much this will hurt me and all of you, but I cant stay here any longer.” Dan says as he pulls a knife into view. The knife he used. Phil’s tears are back, streaming steadily down his face as he lets out a shaky breath. “I love all of you and I want you to know this has nothing to do with any of you. This has nothing to do with anyone but me. Phil, I love you, I always have, we will never be able to be together, but that's okay. I wouldn't have asked you to be with me and you wouldn't have asked either, and even if you had I would've said no, because I wouldn't have wanted to ruin our friendship. But even so, I cant help but think of all the things we’ll never be able to do, kiss, hold hands, be together in general. I'm so sorry, but I love you” Phil’s tears come at a faster rate and he cant see the screen, but he listens to Dan’s voice as it breaks every few words. “I love you all. I love you Phil. Now, goodbye internet” Dan’s voice finishes, breaking on every word, being high and scratchy from crying. Phil wipes his eyes and watches as Dan does the same on his screen and leans in, turning the camera off. And now its over. He is gone and there is no bringing him back. Phil screams, again. He stands up and flings off everything on the desk, including the computer, he wishes that would delete the existence of the video and the fact that Dan is officially gone. But it doesn't. It doesn't change anything. He’s still gone. The video is still out there. Phil walks back into his room, grabbing his laptop and opening Twitter, watching as notifications asking about Dan flood his screen. He types in “Dan is gone, the asshole left me here, to wonder about what might have happened. He we might have ended up being together, but now we can never properly love each other and can never properly be together. He died and if I would've been back five(5) minutes earlier then he may still be alive.” Everyone says things about how it wasn't his fault or that they’re sorry and that they will miss him and other crap, but Phil doesn't even look through it. He shuts his laptop and retreats under his, now black and gray, sheets and cries silently as he slowly falls to sleep. His mother comes a few days later, Phil still hasn't moved from that spot under the covers. “Honey!” His mother calls throughout the apartment, having found the spare key under the matt. Phil doesn't make an effort to move, he just lays there, knowing his mother would come into the room. “Baby” She says in a soft voice as she walks in, seeing the heap he now is under the covers. “Mum, he is gone. I never got to tell him I loved him” Phil says as more tears escape his eyes. “You loved him?” She asks in an astonished voice “yes!” he yells turning to her and hugging her tightly, the blanket falling off his body. He’s in the same skinny jeans and t-shirt from the day Dan died. “Baby, you have to clean yourself up, his funeral is next week, you need to be able to get through it, you need to be there” she says quietly “I-I don't want to” he says, not even having know, he hadn't answered or checked his phone or anything else for that matter since that one tweet. “You have to” she says as she rubs Phil’s back lightly. He finally decides that he should go. He tries to be strong, this is horrible, he doesn't want to be here. He looks around, seeing Dan’s mum, dad, and little brother, crying messes, and he reminds himself that he isn't aloud to be this sad, Dan was there son, his brother, you were just his flat mate He thinks to himself. He looks at Dan’s pale, lifeless body, laying in a casket, and he wishes it was him instead, it should be him instead he thinks as a single tear rolls down his cheek. He holds through the service, but then he watches as they close the casket and drive it off, he follows as fast as he can. He wants it to all be over before he breaks down. He watches them lower the casket into the ground, he watches them start to throw dirt onto the casket, he watches Dan’s family cry, and he cant take it any longer, he breaks. “No! Stop! He cant be gone! I love him and I never got to tell him! Dan, get out of that casket! Tell me this was all some sick joke! Hold me and tell me you’re going to be okay! I have loved you for eight(8) years! Since the day I met you! since the day I first started talking to you I knew you were special! you were my light at the end of the tunnel Daniel Howell, so get out of there and lead me out of this new dark you’ve forced me into!!!” Phil screams, resulting in everyone crying more. His mum puts her hand on his shoulder and whispers “you need to stop” Phil pushes her arm off and yells “no! this isn't fair! He cant have done this to me!” before running off, he runs as fast as he can, as far as he can, before collapsing. Out of breath and out of tears, he falls to his knees a few miles away from Dan’s grave. His heart starts to fill with an overwhelming pain, more then it already had been in. He cries and screams for it to stop, for Dan to be back, for everything to go back so he can just tell Dan that he loves him at least once, but nothing changes. and eventually his heart gives out. Phil’s mum finds him, laying face down, and lifeless. She calls the ambulance and after taking him to the hospital and doing an autopsy, they tell her “he died from a broken heart” she looks at them as if they’re crazy and they explain “A person can die from too much pain to the heart, you see the heart has strings that hold it together, and too much strain to them- which is usually caused by a traumatic or stressful situation- causes them to break, resulting in a person possibly dying. Your son died from a broken heart.” She watched as the casket fell into the hole with her sons body in it, he was gone. Never to be seen in person again. She held her oldest- and now only- son in her arms as he wept over his baby brothers grave, and she was never the same again.