#lifeordeathbasically

[bpd-matters-blog]

Repost @lifeordeathbasically - since our audience and this account has grown a lot since two years ago (👏🙌) when we were educating and sharing facts about borderline personality disorder every few days, we thought we’d get back to that a bit! . BPD FACT #2: a common behavior among people with bpd is frantic efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment. many people with borderline struggle with insecure attachment, meaning that they are extremely sensitive to changes in other people’s behavior and are more likely to form dependent relationships. when there is a perceived change in behavior or slight in one of those relationships (even something as small as rescheduled plans or an unanswered text), they may find it difficult to regulate their emotional reaction to the situation, jumping instantly to a high stress or panic response. this can cause behavior such as frantic texting or calling, threats of suicide, or acts of self-destruction or self-harm. . this characteristic of bpd is why many people believe that everyone with borderline personality disorder is a master at manipulation and lying for attention. however, these behaviors and efforts to avoid abandonment are very rarely a conscious or premeditated response, but rather a reaction to the overwhelm of feeling that can come from being triggered by one of these situations. the acting out or begging for forgiveness is not a tactic of cold emotional manipulation, but something that feels like a vital and immediate way to get relief from those feelings of panic and unworthiness. . watch @lifeordeathbasically on @vimeo (link in bio), our website (www.lifeordeathbasically.com), and on @theonchannel. . #lifeordeathbasically #anewkindoflovestory . #womenbehindthelens #femalefilmmakerfriday #womenwriters #womenwritersofinstagram #femalescreenwriters #internationalwomensday #femaledp #womencinematographers #director #directorofphotography #castingdirector #casting #behindthescenes #sneakpeek #trailer #seasonone #newwebseries #setlife🎥 #originalart #originalmusic #premiere https://www.instagram.com/p/BnVe929ARD9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9zg3dh1cof6x

[heartholds]

jan 31 2017 // 

ok so i think we all know that this ridiculous blue website is shitty and has passed its prime BUT i used to use this as such a journal-y space and just shoot my thoughts out to people all the time, and i miss that!! i’m really lacking in that kind of space right now, because i’ve been trying pen-to-paper journal writing for the last year or so and it just... does not work for me. i’m obsessive about my handwriting and i can’t write as fast as i think, so it never really translates or feels properly satisfying. so i want to return to that digital journaling a bit & see if that helps me!!! (i don’t necessarily like the idea of all the people i know being able to see this, but they’re mostly people from high school anyway and also it just feels better to know that maybe one person other than me will see what i’m thinkin and feelin, ya know?) (also: i’m thinking about starting a proper Blog, but i don’t know how and i also am not sure anyone wants to hear what i have to say. or that i really have anything at all to say. so... that is maybe In The Works?) 

anyway. long rambly life stuff -- 

so i’m in a really transitional space in my life right now. i just graduated college, which is so bizarre and scary, and feels really kind of isolating, because while a lot of people i know are out of school too, most of my close friends aren’t. it’s strange though because i feel so weirdly separated from that life already. like, i can’t imagine waking up tomorrow and having to go to class. i think i would be like, “no.” i don’t know. it feels good to have “freedom,” although it isn’t that huge of a change because, going to school in the middle of manhattan, i’ve felt like an adult really since my freshman year, and especially since i moved out of the dorms. i guess it’s mostly weird how little it feels like my world has shifted, but how oddly uncomfortable i am right now anyway. 

i think part of it has to do with the fact that i’m not entirely sure what i want to do with my life?? or i guess, i know what i want the end result to be, but i don’t feel at all qualified enough to know how to get to that place. and maybe i’m not even sure what that place is. i really just!!! don’t!!! know!!!! i’d been thinking for most of college that i wanted to be an actor, and audition, and work in that field, and i think that’s still true, but there’s just so much relying on other people involved in that, and so much waiting around. that doesn’t appeal to me. the people that i admire are women that are crafting for themselves a sort of brand, their own type of career, their own image, their own influence. i want to do that, and i don’t necessarily feel like JUST acting is the way to do it anymore.

i’ve been thinking about writing a lot more lately than i have been thinking about acting, and over this past summer and fall i wrote and produced a web series that i love and i’m pretty proud of (check it out @lifeordeathbasically on instagram & fb) & i really want that to turn into something, or to have the opportunity to continue it. but i feel like it would be difficult to get the cast together again for a season two (esp since some of them might be moving to LA soon) and i feel like it’s been too long since i’ve written any of it to know how to continue. but i think that’s just probably an excuse/resistance to going deeper into it, and i should probably try to outline an episode or something. but for some reason that just feels like it would be so hard. i don’t know why. but i love and miss those characters a lot actually!!!!!

i got a cool day job that i like a lot so far at this tiny local coffee/juice/healthy food place, and even though the shifts don’t require a huge amount of effort or anything (so far at least) i’m so fucking exhausted at the end of the day that i just want to go to bed like immediately as soon as i get off work (plus i’ve been going to the gym most days -- which i’ll touch on another time bc that’s too much to get into right now) which doesn’t really leave very much time for writing/even watching movies/tv. 

i guess this is kind of like the age-old question, like, how do you pursue your passion while working at a day job??? no one knows. and i think i’m overly worried about it right now, but i really do want to get into a rhythm, and a good rhythm, and not just have the habit of coming home and passing the fuck out every night. like, obviously i do have days off, but i also really really don’t want to become just really consumed by this job and forget that there’s other stuff out there that i want. i feel like it would be so easy to do, and i’m scared of that, because it’s not really enough for me, at all. 

i guess in a certain sense it is, because i’ve always said that i don’t need that much to be happy, i really just need good people in my life, i don’t need fancy “success” or anything, but i do feel like i have a lot to say and a lot i want to put out into the world and a lot i want to pursue. and i’m struggling to figure out how to find that balance without pushing myself to the point of just having no downtime and completely freaking out. 

if anyone is dealing with this??? or knows how i’m feeling??? please let me know. i need advice/help/solidarity. what do i do????? 

so that’s the basic gist of what i’m dealing with right now. there’s a lot more specifically having to do with body image/food/etc that i’m struggling with right now, but at this moment i don’t particularly feel like talking about it, so i will get to that later!!!!!!!!!! 

wow wtf is adult life

[bpd-matters-blog]

Repost @lifeordeathbasically - since our audience and this account has grown a lot since two years ago (👏🙌) when we were educating and sharing facts about borderline personality disorder every few days, we thought we’d get back to that a bit! . obviously bpd is central to this story (it’s what the protagonist, maggie, copes with, and what inspired writer/creator @kimberlyrolfs to write this series), and it continues to be a really deeply misunderstood disorder! . so we’ll be sharing some “bpd facts” again along with our usual content, and maybe it’ll help you learn something you didn’t know before, or give you some more context for the events of this show we all love!!! . BPD FACT #1: borderline personality disorder is a serious mental illness that centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. the term “borderline” was used in the initial research on the disorder in 1938, to define a mind that existed “on the borderline between neurosis and psychosis.” it was originally thought of as a form of schizophrenia, but has thinking has evolved to consider BPD a personality disorder. the term “borderline personality disorder” is often thought of as an inadequate descriptor of symptoms - a more accurate name may be “emotional dysregulation disorder.” . watch @lifeordeathbasically on @vimeo (link in bio), our website (www.lifeordeathbasically.com), and on @theonchannel. . #lifeordeathbasically #anewkindoflovestory . #womenbehindthelens #femalefilmmakerfriday #womenwriters #womenwritersofinstagram #femalescreenwriters #internationalwomensday #femaledp #womencinematographers #director #directorofphotography #castingdirector #casting #behindthescenes #sneakpeek #trailer #seasonone #newwebseries #setlife🎥 #originalart #originalmusic #premiere https://www.instagram.com/p/BnVe0W8AlMA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=nxyhvrprvrt5

[bpd-matters-blog]

Repost @lifeordeathbasically Since our audience and this account has grown a lot since two years ago (👏🙌) when we were educating and sharing facts about borderline personality disorder every few days, we thought we’d get back to that a bit! . BPD FACT #2: a common behavior among people with bpd is frantic efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment. many people with borderline struggle with insecure attachment, meaning that they are extremely sensitive to changes in other people’s behavior and are more likely to form dependent relationships. when there is a perceived change in behavior or slight in one of those relationships (even something as small as rescheduled plans or an unanswered text), they may find it difficult to regulate their emotional reaction to the situation, jumping instantly to a high stress or panic response. this can cause behavior such as frantic texting or calling, threats of suicide, or acts of self-destruction or self-harm. . this characteristic of bpd is why many people believe that everyone with borderline personality disorder is a master at manipulation and lying for attention. however, these behaviors and efforts to avoid abandonment are very rarely a conscious or premeditated response, but rather a reaction to the overwhelm of feeling that can come from being triggered by one of these situations. the acting out or begging for forgiveness is not a tactic of cold emotional manipulation, but something that feels like a vital and immediate way to get relief from those feelings of panic and unworthiness. . watch @lifeordeathbasically on @vimeo (link in bio), our website (www.lifeordeathbasically.com), and on @theonchannel. . #lifeordeathbasically #anewkindoflovestory . #womenbehindthelens #femalefilmmakerfriday #womenwriters #womenwritersofinstagram #femalescreenwriters #internationalwomensday #femaledp #womencinematographers #director #directorofphotography #castingdirector #casting #behindthescenes #sneakpeek #trailer #seasonone #newwebseries #setlife🎥 #originalart #originalmusic #premiere https://www.instagram.com/p/BnJ5TOrAxKI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1emjynbfvs42x

[bpd-matters-blog]

Repost @lifeordeathbasically since our audience and this account has grown a lot since two years ago (👏🙌) when we were educating and sharing facts about borderline personality disorder every few days, we thought we’d get back to that a bit! . BPD FACT #3: many people with bpd struggle with impulsivity in areas that can be self-damaging, such as drug or alcohol abuse or reckless sexual behavior. . a main characteristic of borderline personality disorder is the inability to regulate emotions effectively. this difficulty with self-soothing and tendency towards extremes often pushes people with bpd towards reckless behavior, whether that is substance use, sex, self-harm, or other reckless behavior. often, the only way borderline people know how to calm themselves or process emotions is through extreme behavior. . watch @lifeordeathbasically on @vimeo (link in bio), our website (www.lifeordeathbasically.com), and on @theonchannel. . #lifeordeathbasically #anewkindoflovestory . #womenbehindthelens #femalefilmmakerfriday #womenwriters #womenwritersofinstagram #femalescreenwriters #internationalwomensday #femaledp #womencinematographers #director #directorofphotography #castingdirector #casting #behindthescenes #sneakpeek #trailer #seasonone #newwebseries #setlife🎥 #originalart #originalmusic #premiere https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnp_SaoC9s6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1vumwto347259