#life one million years ago
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Kinda goth, kinda new wave, relentlessly mocked all the time
obviously this is biased towards my age range and stuff
#life one million years ago#we all had stacked shoulder pads#so many shiny clothes#still wearing skinny pants and tall boots 35 years later
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pov u are c!scar
#3rd life smp#third life smp#goodtimeswithscar#inthelittlewood#rendog#scott smajor#solidaritygaming#i first posted this like a million years ago when there was still only one season#ancient times
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no worries if not! but perchance would we be able to get a wip wednesday?
#enjoy #🔪
#sorry for taking one million years to write this i have been in the trenches for the last two weeks#the mariana trench to be specific#for reference i moved back in w my family 1.5 weeks ago and therefore have been actively fighting for my life every single day#getting 10.2 out has unfortunately been lower on my list of priorities than i would like#so apologies for constantly pushing it back!#but considering my embarrassingly high cry count of the last 12 days i think im doing very well#asks#a cruel wednesday with you
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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I went looking and couldn't find any record of me ever actually posting this on tumblr, oops, but a couple years back I wrote this thread on twitter about how Emmeryn's sacrifice absolutely is not supposed to teach Chrom (or Robin, for that matter) that "sacrifice is necessary" or anything like that and mmmm for reasons I am getting Upset about it again so asdfghjkl I'll actually share the Rant with my tumblr followers this time.
#i'm sorry i'm sorry it's just then whenever i see anyone say that chrom didn't “learn his lesson” about sacrifice from emmeryn i freak out#it's such a common take too??? well okay idk if it's “common” or if i just keep running into a niche take but either way i've seen it a lot#i could also get into (i think i have before at some point) that when robin says “what is one life when weighed against millions?” it's...#it's actually a misquote of emmeryn's “you each have but one life and i do not wish it weighed against mine.”#and despite sounding similar it actually has a directly opposite meaning#emmeryn's saying her life is not more important than anyone else's but robin's saying that their life is less important than everyone else'#also robin does NOT in fact believe in sacrificing for the greater good. look at their supports with virion. and walhart too actually#when chrom tells aversa that one person's life means nothing in the shadow of millions he's basically parroting robin#except neither he nor robin believe that. that's what they say when they feel powerless. like when emmeryn was on that cliff#(also the game literally does call out the hypocrisy? aversa points out he didn't feel that way when his sister was on the line...#like... you're supposed to notice...)#anyway sorry for vagueblogging but do note that i've had this take for 2 years (and well... longer but it took me a while to write it out)#and dang it i have a certain blog BLOCKED but sometimes i go to my mutuals blogs directly and for some reason tumblr still shows me reblogs#anyway normally i would keep my mouth shut it's just that i already had this one ready to go from 2 years ago asdfghjkl
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we're in this phase III trial of this thing that is soooooooo cool and i want to talk about it sooooo bad but 1. no. 2. no one will understand me if i do. 3. no.
but its so wild to watch disease processes go from totally untreatable to like. one time novel solution. in half of a lifetime. like from "not only do we not know why this is happening or how to stop it but i can tell you that you're just going to go blind," to "well if you come in and get this done every x weeks actually you will preserve most of your vision" to "actually maybe we can just do this one procedure and the thing that robbed 25% of your family of the ability to read by age 75 will simply not be a problem for you"
#like for adult seeing people 80% of your sensory input comes from your vision so you can imagine what it's like to be 78 and lose vision#it ages people like you would not fucking believe#and it's absolutely wild to see it come back like cataract surgery is the most fun bc its like 10 min and life altering but alas#not everything is in the front of the eye#and its really amazing to see people go from rapidly aging and cognitively declining to like fully functional and active#just bc they got their vision back#a thing we could not do 20 years ago in this modality at all even a little bit like we still have og patients from THAT original study#the first one and done treatments for neurodegenerative diseases are soooooo close like they are happening i am seeing them#if your appt takes 84 yrs its bc suddenly there were millions of treatable patients and now and exponentially increasing aging/diabetic pop#if you can imagine: this is cliff-shaped curve that is rather difficult to keep up with from the provider-training perspective#so i would also like this to work so we dont have this 4 hour monthly appointment. for everyone involved which includes me who is so tired
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anyway a different sneaky plan worked out in that i was able to find old listing photos of my dream house and ough..... i need her .....
#she was last sold in 2018 but maybe by the time ive made my millions (through directing or winning the lottery or some other scheme)#she'll be for sale again. we can dream#realizing 2018 was six years ago and not like. 2. thats scary#but anyway i like this house a lot. good kitchen. could be bigger but its workable#built in bookshelves in the huge living room. thats for dvds babey#no pictures of the 2 bedrooms n bathrooms . come on man i need to know what storage space we're working with#very nice little outside pool area thats surrounded by bushes n plants. i like that.#one day ill learn how to swim so my pool will not be redundant#its nice. id love to see a floor plan but alas#this is a different house from that house in palm springs that was furnished to the max with gaudy 70s furniture and decor#that one is really fun. but its also way the hell out in palm springs#this house however is in the hollywood hills. ish . but the great thing about is that its down this private drive#and you cant even see it on google images. very secret i like that . im hidden away from the world#another thing going for this house is a silly little superstition ive inherited from my dad#multiple times in his life hes lived at places where the numbers in the address have added up to his lucky number (day of birth)#where we live now adds up to 13 which explains a lot#but this house the numbers add up to my lucky number. yay#anyway this is all very hypothetical but i have nothing else to do with my time (<- guy that could be doing far more productive things)
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My roommates are gone for several days currently and I'm always a better version of myself when they aren't around but I just had a moment of realization where I took a step back and thought "Oh, wow, yeah, I really AM a better version of myself when they aren't around!"
The moment: I caught myself singing along with a song I love and smiling, two things I never do when they're home
Experiencing joy without judgement is such a goddamn rarity huh
#GOD do i wish i lived alone#one million problems with owning an old house and all#i'm gonna cycle through every stupid song i know the lyrics to and sing along with em today while i can#i deserve it#the song that made me stop and 'huh' at myself is 'The Bones of You' by Elbow#'and I dealt with this years ago/I took a hammer to every memento'#GREAT FUCKING SONG#he was supposed to PCS several times over already but the military is always stupid and his orders keep changing#she'll fuck off alongside him whenever it does finally happen but jeez#how many more times am i going to have to hear my ex-husband fuck his new wife before they're out of my life forever
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this woman from mag 130 is just like me fr
#i am so interested in christianity in like. idk multiple ways?#i am an atheist and i am strongly anti christianity. but its also so interesting. in many ways#idk how to articulate this#i like learning ab culture and how it was viewed hundreds of years ago#and learning ab it like its a story. which is is. its a millennia old story with millions of different interpretations and versions#and its so cool to learn ab all that yk!!!#it also created very fun religiously traumatized characters which i eat up EVERY TIME. catra and belos youre everything to me#its great as horror. the gothy type of aesthetic is cool asf. amazing songs. etc#i think there was just no other psth for me in life bc i am both a very scientific evidence based rules of physics whatever person and#a very curious person that likes learning about basically any shit i find even remotely interesting#so the moment i was born into a catholic family I was doomed to be like this lmfao#this is mostly tumblrs fault tho cuz even tho i was surrounded w christianity my whole life I was 100% uninterested as a teen#but in here yall love romanticizing it#and i am right there w u <3#basically if we lived in a magic world where the christian church wasnt one of the worst things to happen to the world and wasnt literally#fucking evil in every single way possible. itd be a great art genre
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I am the nail growth self saboteur!!
#random post#guess who rammed their hand in a wall and broke off the literal short nail on their hand?? this guyy#I’m prone to ramming parts of my body into things. it’s comical really#like a week ago I somehow bashed my hip into a drawer handle. because that’s how I roll 😎#it hurt bad enough to shock me into silence </3 I got scraped bad enough for my parents to go ‘GASP. PEAA!!!! WHAT DID YOU DOOO???’#read that in concerned parent voice if u would#it’s funny when I get hurt or do smth bad and I’m asked why I’d do that. like we both don’t know I function like a scarecrow brought to life#and learning to walk with no bones or muscles HHFSCREE#it’s fine now pain only hurts in like the first few moments and then it’s chill#got off topic there but anywayssss yea :> I’m just glad it was the one that was already broken an not a longer one#I’m surprisingly optimistic I’ll have u know. contrary to popular belief#adhd moment but do u ever think how we’re the first generation that will grow up and grow old on the internet?#do u ever think about what that’ll mean for us? or what it looks like? will there be a time when we just don’t log on ever again?#I also sometimes think of the internet graveyard. the millions of accounts that are no longer used either by choice or by some other#circumstance like passing away. I think we’ll only know when the future generations see a post by someone with a date 100 years in the past#these aren’t negative thought they’re just thoughts I have. a negative thought would be me wondering who will tell the world I’m gone so I’m#not waited on. obviously that’s not a problem I hate to worry about now but then intrusive thoughts do be intruding. anyways yea when I’m#gone at like. 80 (?) I’ll release my creations into the wild for people to do whatever with. it’ll be like an intrusive species lmfao my#impact on the world will be fucking up the online ecosystem forever#ok I’m done rambling now lol did you know I was holding a muffin while typing this entire thing? one handed I might add!! the chaos can’t#be contained no matter how much adderall u pump in me
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i miss when nature documentaries were juicy (showed real not cgi animals and told you actual fact about stuff)
#im sooooo sick of some new documentaries#watched one that talked about comic energy from millions of years ago still fuelling life today like yeah buddy its called the sun either#tell me facts about it or move the fuck on#like i didnt learn a single thing and that is the entire point of a documentary surely#like no. i am here for you to ram as many facts about whatever into a 40 minute windo as possible if i dont learn some random shit about a#volcano or an animal i didnt know existed then what is the point#also they never show blood at all anymore and im so confused about that#im also sick to fucking death of cgi animals and shit go film it !!!#i miss the little making of sections at the end of them as well when you'd get to see the camera crew camping and hanging out and stuff#or when they'd just stick david attenborough on the side of an errupting volcano and get him to talk about it lmao#this is so specific i know but still#documentaries
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oh btw guess who just got
✨ Medicated ✨
#its gonna be OVER for all yall#i went to a neurologist who specializes in adhd and told her about the uhhhh everything about me#they sent me to take a million tests and for now they put me on antidepressants that also work on adhd#and if these don't cut it for my adhd specifically then they'll give me something on top of them#im also gonna start ‼️‼️THERAPY ‼️‼️#for the first time in..... way too fucking long!!!!!!#im gonna vibrate out of my skin im so so so so happy#i had a humbling realization like a week or two ago#that like. i was never gonna schedule an appointment by myself and i needed to ask someone to do it for me#and sara love of my life gave me the push i needed#i ended up scheduling the appointment by myself (and found one for the very next day ‼️)#but i couldn't have done it without sara giving me that first lil push#i love her so much its unreal#so anyways!!!! hopefully I'll finally be able to get back to art and design and who knows#maybe I'll end up actually finishing my degree this year wjkdkfjdkskkd#but im not getting ahead of myself lol one step at a time#sol.txt#im so happy
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Finding a real fossil on your own.. The weight in your hands. Their world they lived and died in was completly different from the one that you found it in. Born, grew, and learned ….the world it was made by long gone but the world it lived in still exists within the Frame.. , what happened in the span of time between us and you end up in my hand … I can’t help but feel a bit astonished … I’m glad you made it to see the world now. I will never forget you. I love you fossils
#I found snail fossils#and clams#I havent got good pics yet but will in a few days#just wow#it makes me so emotional in such a certain way it’s so incredibly cool#and to find it on your own.. to have been there millions of years ago … and make it in the palm of your hand#it’s like the earth protected and preserved the story of their life’s#and I opened the book for the first time#the feeling of opened a rock and seeing the fossils and knowing your the first one to see them . after so long. fucking flooring…#I see you I love you I thank you
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idk why but when i remember the fact that i hugged paul mccartney i feel like i have an existential crisis
#that kid was ME? and that actually HAPPENED? and it was in MY lifetime?????#idk it was just from a VERY different part of my life that feels like a millions years ago or like it happened in a different universe and#it's very jarring recalling that#i guess it's one of the highlights of a very different life/world and so when i think about it it sort of just represents Everything#and it's overwhelming to think about and i sort of have to push it all away#stuff#sometimes i think i oughta delete this whole blog too#it's just a remnant of a different time
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GIVING U A KISS AND A HUG and i really hope work gets better for u :( <3333333333 u got this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
🥹
Forgive me for not indulging in our little play of hard to get, but I'm smooching amd hugging you back so hard💕💕💕💕💕💕
your kindness makes me tear up a bit🥹
Also!!! Time to bring this back
#i don't think it will tbh. It's been getting worse and worse since my (former) boss left a year ago#I'm searching for a new one but it's hard to find one with better conditions#i don't want to 'trauma' dumb my problems#I've just been so unhappy the last few months and it's... draining me#and I'm going to be 30 in less than 2 weeks and i want to mourn the life I've dreamed about having#anyway#can i please win a million? god it's me the bitch you hate
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