#life is long like a cvs receipt

[wyrmst]

9 people I'd like to get to know better !

tagged by @mr-carnival

last song: Wedding Guests - Cheekface

favourite colour: Purple, but neon green is becoming a close second

last movie/tv show: Good Omens Season 2, by marital request. I don't watch things often outside of yt/twitch

sweet/spicy/savory?: yes

last thing i googled: 夢 < Name kanji for a current WIP. It absolutely won't make it into the actual text. Not a chance. But honestly, nothing more "writer" than meticulously researching the etymology of a character's name for secret lore reasons instead of writing the actual dang WIP.

current obsession: Baldur's Gate 3 has reignited my dormant, long-standing fixation on gay vampires

tag nine people: I'm still a baby in tumblr years and feel sort of weird about tagging people directly? But if you're a beloved mutual and reading this, by all means please tell me more

[n3ptoonz]

How’d u think earth realm boys would react to their wife telling me there ready for kids 🎤

mk1 hcs: how the earthrealm guys react to their wife being ready for kids

warnings/tags: suggestive, fluff, female reader obv

Liu Kang

The way you brought it up was so subtle and casual. It was during his downtime, which was kinda rare. A simple "Hey...I think I'm ready to have children." and Liu is looking at you with surprised eyes and a full heart.

Being the kind of man Liu is, and how busy his life has become since being appointed as a god, this man set an exact date and time where there would be zero distractions. All his focus and effort was on you. And in you (ba dum tss)

So be prepared for a long night of passion, love, lust, and care. Cause you're not leaving that bed until you've gotten every last drop

Doesn't mind the gender. Boy, girl, he would love them just the same. Hell, even if it was more than one child at once, he wouldn't hesitate to give them the world.

Smoke

You mentioned it while you two were cuddled up on the couch. Little did you know how red his face turned until you felt his heart beat increase in real time, looking up at him with his genuine concern.

At first you thought he was nervous or probably didn't want to, and once he saw your slight frown he immediately countered that thought. He was so excited he froze. Endless reassurance from him until you verbally say you got it.

Did you think he wouldn't nervously suggest you start as soon as possible?? Pish posh, you are sad- happily mistaken. "Why not try right now?" he said, except he's stuttering over his own words and sweating profusely. No matter how many times you've been intimate with one another, he's always nervous around you <3

Gender doesn't matter to him either, however he does lean more on the side of a daughter. Simply because he'd die at the sight of a little girl running around the house that looked like you. If you had a son though, he'd be sure he doesn't meet ol uncle Bi Han bro would prob try to recruit

Johnny Cage

What if I told you he brought the idea to you one day as a "joke" and you're immediately like "That's crazy, I was going to say the same thing!"? You both looked at each other with narrowed eyes before making a run for it to the bedroom

Less talk, more action. It's safe to say y'all were up all night, touchin', lovin', going multiple rounds to the point where you forgot the entire reason for heading straight to bed. But hey, who's complaining? Johnny promised to tap that at the earliest opportunity (yes, i went there)

He SWORE that cowgirl and mating press were the "only efficient ways" to make sure you'd definitely get pregnant. As if going raw wasn't enough already-

Daughter. He wants a daughter. Give the man a daughter. He won't shut up about being a girl dad when you aren't even a month in yet. He's practicing dad jokes. Even coming up with ones that are tailored to daughters. Has a CVS receipt list of girl names and the only one you both decided that was perfect is "Cassandra/Cassie" (wink) He CANNOT wait to have another favorite girl in his life to spoil!

Raiden

It was after training. You finished first and watched him complete his, and the idea came to you while he was helping one of the younger recruits. You just laid it on him without warning: "I think we should have kids." and cue him almost spitting out his water. Was he dreaming?!

Another nervous one who blushed and stuttered a bunch upon trying to conjure up a response. The thought of having a child with you has been on his mind for some time now and it's like you read his mind, he just didn't want to overwhelm you.

Speaking of overwhelming, that was all out the window once you got home. Going from a peaceful walk to a heated make out session on a matter of seconds. Not to mention, you both had a longgg day of training and could use a shower...why not save some money on the water bill!

Raiden is too good with all types of kids to really have a preference. Growing up with his little sister AND kung lao gave him experience on both sides

Kung Lao

After your weekly sparring session, you got to thinking. You're already married, you've seen him handle kids and younger people well, and most of all he looks so damn hot when he's sweaty and out of breath. Not an unfamiliar sight to you at all!

It was when you two went to Madam Bo's for a good after-spar meal when you slyly threw it into the conversation. Mid bite, he couldn't help but back up from his food and look at you with that classic smirk he does and his dimples are fully visible (currently dying at this imagery.) And he'd end up saying something cocky but playful like "You think I'd oppose you carrying the next great Kung Lao?"

Got straight to it when you got home. Luckily you had already showered after the session, otherwise the water bill would've been looking like a traditional Chinese scroll after you were done. Prepare for his teasing, flirtatiousness, and pride to be multiplied by a thousand

I feel like he'd want a boy, and we all know why. He's not at all opposed to the idea of having a daughter. But if your first child was a daughter, you're going back to that king sized mattress once you've fully healed and trying again! (who's complaining 🤨)

Kenshi Takahashi

He had come home from a long day of a series of trips and tasks given by Liu Kang. You were in the kitchen brewing some tea late at night just because when you heard him come in. He wasn't exhausted, but you could tell he just wanted to drop everything and spend all his time with you the way he plopped down at the dining table.

When you offered food he politely declined since he had already eaten earlier. But he could sense something else was on your mind by the slight shift in your tone. Being visually impaired, his auditory has improved considerably since. "Is something on your mind?" he asked. "I think we should have kids." you responded, sitting next to him with your cup of tea.

He was at full attention now, whatever tired him from the day vanished just like that. You took his silence as uncertainty, so as you began to start listing the pros and benefits, he quickly cut you off with a "Let's do it." "Seriously?" you said, just to make sure you heard him. He stood and took your hand in his, "I'm very serious. We can start tonight, tomorrow, next week. The sooner the better." (hey, starting tonight didn't sound like a bad idea 😮‍💨)

He says he doesn't really stress the gender, but he'd like a son. Kenshi would adore your child under any circumstance, but being an only child (idk if that's canon but it's gonna be today XD) who practically raised most of his younger cousins who mostly consisted of girls, he gets a little giddy at the thought of having an older son younger daughter dynamic around the house.

Sub Zero

With how busy he is all the time and how even more tense he's become since the rift, it was a little difficult to find a way to get his undivided attention. However, the whole reason he married you is because you don't take any shit. You voiced your opinions and concerns whenever you deemed fit, and it never got in his way. So, you waltzed into his office on a mission.

It was one of the few times he wasn't running around or training his heart out. He just got done talking to Cyrax when you walked in looking as determined as the day you met. He knows you never interrupt him unless it's something terribly important. At a moment's notice, he gestured for Cyrax to leave so you could speak your peace.

"What is it?" he asked. You made sure the door was securely closed behind you before walking over to sit in his lap. He was quite surprised but also would be lying if he claimed he didn't enjoy it. "Let's have kids." you said. He always told you to be blunt with him about anything, and this was no exception. "Alright." he replied, seldom reason to say no, especially to the love of his life.

Bi Han would for sure want a son. He's set on carrying on tradition, even if he did oppose some of his late father's views. If you had a daughter as your first born, like Kung Lao y'all aren't stopping until you had a son. Though, he knows he will have to learn to raise your kids better than how he was raised. He'd rather die than ever neglect or overwork his children. Plus, you wouldn't have any of that anyway.

Scorpion

Despite being busy a lot as the head of his new clan, he always makes time for you. All his down time was yours unless you said otherwise. You were giving fighting advice to a recruit when Kuai approached you, a gentle warm hand on your shoulder. Earlier in the day, you said you wanted to talk in his free time

After excusing yourself and talking to him on the way to his office, you wasted no time laying it on him. "Kuai...I think we're ready for kids." He stops in his tracks and looks directly into your eyes. "...You're sure about this?" he asks softly, taking your hands in his with the most gentle gaze you've ever seen from him. He's been thinking about this for a while now, but didn't know how to bring it up. Your approving nod with a smile set his heart ablaze with happiness.

Because of his busy schedule, like some of the other kombatants with a lot on their plate, there's a set day and time. And once that time comes...it's tiimmeee (mariah carey voice) That night is gonna be filled with romance and deep love for one another.

Kuai wants a boy. He, like Kenshi, wants the older son and younger daughter dynamic, but for no particular reason. He just likes it. His feelings wouldn't change if your first kid was a girl though, the older daughter younger son dynamic would remind him of how his mother treated Tomas when they were kids before she passed.

a/n: as a mf who doesn't even want kids, this was so fun and cute to write omg😭ty anon for the idea! remember y'all my asks are open and i'd be down to do x or 11 if you want! just clarify pls <3

[luvrsagony]

ugh i'm just gonna make a straight up lorepost about these fuckers so people can have like. CONTEXT lmfao

okokokok so i don't have their world built fully so i'll add more context to this post in Da Future but uh!!! heeh!!

the overall world tag is #node 8.

also don't mind how these are all picrews im 2 lazy to draw

in order of eldest to youngest:

andrei, yulian, ilya, vitaliy (or vitya), dmitriy (or dima)

ok so: this is andrei!! eldest of the katayev family. his tag will be #🦋andrei katayev. he's the hard-hitter and uber loyal to ilya's tech conglomerate, although handles the.. shadier parts. a.k.a, his best friends are a rusty switchblade and experimental drugs. an ex-addict himself, ilya pulled him from the dredges of the streets and cleaned him up. his non-existent morality means he's easily the scariest person to deal with, and if you cross him.. good luck leaving with all of your fingers.

this is yulian, second eldest of the katayev family. his tag is #💊yulian katayev. a soft-hearted and spoken person, although has a huge nasty streak when it comes to those who oppose him, or, if you're ilya, if you exist in his general vicinity. head doctor in the ER department of node 8's largest hospital. a serial flirt, and often sleeps around with any of his residents or nurses. gender? doesn't matter, as long as you're a pliant sub and willing to let it slide that he's non-committal in his "relationship".

now, i'm saving the boy who started it all for last, so.. this is vitya (in the back) and dima (in the front). their tags will be #🧷vitya katayev and #🚬dima katayev, respectively. vitya's the twin with a penchant for chaos, and dima kinda just goes along with it. vitya and dima attend the same college, with vitya going for engineering and dima going for psychology. they're attending on a full ride scholarship on both sides, but ilya obviously helps out with transportation and money and such. vitya has a tendency to kiss up more to ilya than dima, but dima is hands-down a full on yulian hater. he was the one who tipped ilya off to his wife's affair with yulian after seeing them together, which has made his already-shoddy opinion of his elder brother practically turn to dust.

speaking of.. this is cherry nagirachi, ilya's ex-wife. her tag is #🍒cherry nagirachi. she and ilya were high-school sweethearts.. or, appeared to be. she was simply using him to get to her crush, yulian, and the affair had been going since the day of their honeymoon. she was addicted to being a ceo's wife, and tried to manipulate ilya into continuing to be married to her while starting an "open marriage". he denied it, denounced her name as his wife, and divorced her, leaving her with nothing but a tattered reputation in her industry (modeling) and a non-committal "boyfriend" who blows her off for the newest nurse or resident he's having a fling with. she's upset, and hellbent on ruining ilya's life now.

now.. time for the Boy.

this.. is ilya katayev. his tag is #💲ilya katayev. CEO and founder of the biggest tech conglomerate node 8 has ever seen, focusing mainly on neurological prosthetics and full-on androids. he's got all of the money in the world he could ask for, but still has a hole in his heart that he can't fill that had formed with the news of cherry's betrayal. he's currently in a relationship with his bodyguard, liliana, who makes him feel more seen than cherry ever did. he's tall and muscular, but truly the biggest softie you'd ever see, with nothing but a heart of gold and a list of trauma that could rival the great wall of china or the average CVS receipt.

[patchesproblem]

What's your favourite trope

I'm not going to lie to you, I really don't know. It depends on what kind of trope you're asking about, I guess.

Character-wise there are patterns in who I tend to like, though I don't really know if there's a specific trope exactly. (TLDR of this one is basically think of Tesla and Einstein and how they are as people / their relationship and that's basically it.)

Most of them often have:

Probably traumatized and have a list of disorders longer than a CVS receipt.

Has a sense of joy that others consider 'immature' (think of Tesla getting happy over seeing that water thing (I forgot what it's called) in Yellowstone, or when she stared at Einstein admiringly)

Strange / odd in a way that most people don't understand. (Basically eccentric I guess?) Also in the funny way

Lesbian

Putting up an act / front as a way of protecting themselves, pushes people away, has like. One person they're attached to beyond belief.

For some reason a majority of the characters I like lately have some sort of doctorate or are involved in science. It's strange.

Ball of anger (In the Tesla way, not just being constantly angry and wanting to end people)

Also alcoholism somehow has managed to become a common theme between characters I like. No clue how or why but here we are. /hj

Was going to make a list of characters I like but suddenly my brain no longer works and I can't think of more than three characters that I actively care about, and I feel like it'd be embarrassing to have such a short list. I swear I have interests other than Einsla.

Ship wise.. Nobody would believe me if I said I didn't particularly care for shipping, would they. Tesla and Einstein are quite literally the exception. My other ships are more 'I like them but I don't really care' meanwhile Einsla is like 'I will die on this hill they're meant to be together DO NOT SEPARATE.'

I do have some tropes that I like within ships (though they're probably obvious if you look at my profile for .01 seconds)

Both are mentally ill but they share the same struggles so they understand each other in a way others wouldn't.

Understand each other in ways that others don't in general. Able to know what the others feeling / what they're thinking.

Attached together / almost always near each other.

Teasing each other in the lighthearted way.

Actually love each other and are in a happy healthy relationship. * This is a lie I have one ship where they're constantly trying to kill each other. You can be divorced 30 times over and hate each other as long as you're funny

Both are menaces

I can go into a lot more detail but I feel like it'll start going into me using Einsla to explain and I think people would throw bricks at me.

Story tropes.. I'll list different story things I really like since I don't really know the specific tropes.

Found family (basic I know but I'm mentally ill)

Mysteries

This one applies mainly to games, but since they're the main thing I actively enjoy I'm throwing it in anyways. Stories that have things hidden in collectable items that add more context / nuance to the story. (The story itself is understandable with or without it, however they add a deeper understanding of the world and characters / how things got the way they are)

I also enjoyed the way Portal and Half Life handled the story telling with Gordon Freeman and Chell just staying silent the whole time. I don't know why I just really enjoyed it. They have so much character even though they don't have a single voice line. So I guess silent protagonist.

I tried to write as many of these as possible without comparing them to Einsla, sorry if any of them sound strange or worded weirdly. It's currently six a.m. and my brains not particularly working properly. I'll reblog this if I think of anything else or figure out a way to explain it.

[boghermit]

4. Does your OC have a failed friendship or relationship they still think about? What happened? Is it an unresolved regret or is there a chance for reconciliation?

5. Does your OC have a signature weapon and/or attack? How long did they train to master it?

6. Does your OC know magic? Were they born with magical ability or did they train to acquire it? What is their favorite type of magic? Least favorite?

17. Does your OC have an enemy? What happened between them? Is it mutual or one-sided? Is it petty or serious? Is one party seeking revenge? Does one person want the other dead or are they content to hate them from afar? 

19. Has your OC ever had an experience with the paranormal or the divine? What happened? Was it a one time encounter or is it a normal part of their life? Did they find it terrifying or thrilling?

Thank you so much for posting the questions, because I definitely lost the original post. 😭😭

Spoilers below the cut

4. Does your OC have a failed friendship or relationship they still think about? What happened? Is it an unresolved regret or is there a chance for reconciliation?

If Salem had any good relationships prior to the Nautiloid, he can’t remember, amnesia and all that. I do wonder what his relationship with Gortash was like – were they actually friends or lovers, or just really good business partners? The in-game dialogue makes it sound like they were thick as thieves.

5. Does your OC have a signature weapon and/or attack? How long did they train to master it?

In-game he uses that cool staff from Auntie Ethel’s lair, but I imagine him using a sickle or scythe as his main weapon. Something a bit gnarly and related to interaction with nature, but sinister. He also wears a boot knife. I don’t think he’d have any special training with them, just experience from living rough all his life and engaging in normal and definitely not illegal Dark Urge activities.

6. Does your OC know magic? Were they born with magical ability or did they train to acquire it? What is their favorite type of magic? Least favorite?

He was definitely born with some kind of dark magic, being who he is and all that. But the tiny little part of him that didn’t belong to his father was always drawn towards nature – both its orderly and chaotic sides. The cycle of life, death, decay, and rebirth. He learned folk healing, alchemy, and something much darker – necromancy. His favorite types of magic are the kind of magic he learns from the Circle of Spores – fungal rot and necromancy – and oddly enough, healing. He doesn’t dislike any particular kind of magic, but dislikes wizards, if that counts.

17. Does your OC have an enemy? What happened between them? Is it mutual or one-sided? Is it petty or serious? Is one party seeking revenge? Does one person want the other dead or are they content to hate them from afar?

He has a CVS receipt length list of enemies.

He has beef with Orin, possibly more than anyone else in the game, because, well, you know! And then there’s his father of course. I don’t think Salem would have ever been content to just let Orin go. They have history on top of history.

I’m not entirely sure about Gortash. Maybe they’re just enemies out of necessity? I’d love to know more about their canon relationship.

And there’s always Auntie Ethel. In the game, he kind of has to fight her, but in my canon, they’re petty rivals at worst.

19. Has your OC ever had an experience with the paranormal or the divine? What happened? Was it a one time encounter or is it a normal part of their life? Did they find it terrifying or thrilling?

Considering what the Dark Urge is, many many many experiences, repeated. The most stand out ones are probably meeting Vlaakith and subsequently waving nonchalantly, fighting the Netherbrain, and of course, being killed by one spiteful god only to be resurrected by another who saw good in him. That last one was altogether horrifying for him. That’s an experience he’d rather not repeat.

[thevividgreenmoss]

The day+ after taking psychedelics the lingering afterglow feels sort of the like opposite of a hangover not the opposite exactly but ykwim. You're drained but without the groggy smoker's flu aspect of a hangover ig…but ssri withdrawal, to me, is the opposite of that…anyways a communication failure between the pharmacy and doctor's office led to the former not refilling my fluvoxamine prescription last month because apparently somewhere in some system it said it had been too long between appointments for a refill to be automatically approved. Or something. I don't know exactly, but both parties involved in making this decision for me are saying what you have to do is give the psych clinic $50 for an eight minute zoom call with the nurse practitioner then she can send in refill approval to the pharmacy. So I do, and she does. And the pharmacy tells me they have received this request but are out of stock of the medication in question and will have it ready by Friday 2/23, by which point it will have been four days since l've taken these stupid fucking bullshit pills that don't do jack fucking shit, for me, in terms of treating the symptoms they allege to treat. but do, very successfully, induce a million various side effects, thus ultimately only serving to accelerate the suicidal freefall that my life had become over the past few years, before which all previous periods of suicidal free fall I have experienced, which cumulatively might account for the majority of my adult life, pale in comparison, and out of which I had only, somehow, through various maneuverings, sort of begun to pull mvself/be pulled from since maybe around September, despite the plagues and horrors still hanging over my head.

On Friday 2/23 they still do not have any luvox, apparently no other CVS in the vicinity does either, which is something that the pharmacist and I learn together, upon my inquiry, God forbid you proactively look into such a thing on behalf of your customer-patient. Or like fucking let them know that you were out of the shit to begin with and that this abrupt cessation would have taken place regardless of procedural issues you were initially hiding behind. Like this means that people who had already had their appointments in place and their refill requests sent through and approved in advance are in the same boat as I am. A lot of them probably have a lot less experience with drugs, prescribed or otherwise, going in and out of their system, which means a lot of them are probably going to have an even harder time handling this shit than I am, and just over the past four days I have seen my face become ashen my eyes hollower dizziness pulsating microseizure pinching my synapses staggering bracing myself against the kitchen counter thinking i hope I at least this doesn't trigger weight gain and hating myself for thinking this thought and for the majority of thoughts I have ever thought that are my own and not my own the maiority of which are abstracted distortions so grotesque they make this hateful fear of my own body seem rational and kind and just. In comparison.

Your prescription will be ready Wednesday 2/29 and when that day arrives it will still not be ready but every couple of days you will receive automated updates informing you that an order is being placed for your prescription until Thursday 3/16 when your prescription will be ready for pickup. Now the ssris are for the most part out of my system the withdrawal period is I think over and I'm afraid of what will happen if a) I elect not to begin taking these pills again since the post-withdrawal period where my body reacclimates to life without ss/nris has not been kind to me historically, or b) I start taking the shit again. Freedom of choice. For now the pills are still at CVS waiting to be surrendered upon receipt of payment and proof of insurance. Even if all this did not take place the fear of losing my apartment and along with and above that the fear of losing my cats chokes me. But I know whatever happens they'll have the most darling adventures. My cousin said he could take them in for me if I have to move back in with my family (my dad's allergies/COPD won't allow for them to stay with us), and I know he and my aunt and uncle will care for them. And there are people dying and dying and I'm afraid of being rendered even more useless than I already am as it stands I am nothing but I have been blessed with the capacity to care for people within my small orbit in my broken way within the severe limits of my imagination and capability and I'm afraid of losing even that.

You guys I wish you could see outside the sliding door the rain and Charlie in front of me alternatingly playing with her little lamby and watching the rainfall and Emily lying down beside me. I'm afraid of the look in my eyes in the picture I took of the three of us the week I got them back in September 2022 a few months after finally moving out on my own into this apartment I'm now sitting in, in the picture the two of them perched on my shoulder and me smiling shell-shocked. But whatever happens they will be themselves and they'll be together. They love each other so much you guys I swear it's the most precious thing and nothing that happens to me matters more than that but still I can't stop crying

[rarepairnation]

for the ao3 wrapped!! 1, 6, 28! (also you are not alone in believing you can finish one more thing. i am also doing that :P)

happy (newly i guess, for u!) new year anna!!! waving at u NOT from the google doc! we did it! we finished the one more thing! [ao3 wrapped]

1. How many words have you written this year?

nearly 14k (13,924 to be exact) published and at least 6-7k more of wips! tragically my least prolific year since uhhhhhhhh a long time. 2017? but thats ok it was a hard year all that matters is that i survived<3 im proud of myself for what i did bc im in that kinda moment where im relearning how to write and reengaging the creative part of my brain. and next year will be better!! i have a lot of plans and a wip list as long as a cvs receipt<33

6. Favorite title you used

this one is actually your body drowning in gravity! i havent reread it in a long long while (aside: wow i was a totally different person when i wrote that (i published it jan 3)) bc my brain has temporarily been caught by other things. but it was an idea that i'd been turning over in my head for over a year at the time when i wrote it and i think i saw the richard siken poem that the title is from (it's "the dislocated room" btw) on my dash in the middle of the writing process and it was like. Perfect. like i choose all my titles very carefully but this one really knocks it out of the park. when the fic is literally about tanner thinking mallory is the one that's fallen from the top of the cns building at the end of spectre and not knowing until the body hits the ground.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

OUGHHH this is hard. Ough. ok i DO think it's just so long as this thing's loaded. im chronically an "i wrote this for me but you can read it if you want" guy bc i have rarepair disease. if i want to read it i have to be the one to write it. but this fic was really an exercise in like. getting weird with it. remembering that u cannot judge ur creation by any possible bad faith interpretation of it. letting myself write the kind of wildly unhinged horny possessive devotion that eats the inside of my brain but ive never been able to put on the page bc of the Fear of like ohhh that would be sooo bad in real life. dude theyre. not real. idk im not good at that sort of thing the panopticon inside my mind is sometimes kind of crazy. but like yeah actually they do think the power dynamic is hot. yeah nick made jasper fake betraying him obviously here is this situation where jasper comes back to nick after his faked death and both of them are pretending not to know the betrayal wasn't real. its just roleplay 2 them. sorry to quote a line in this already extremely long answer but like "The only thing he wants to keep is right here at his side and hasn’t that been the point of all of this, the knife to his throat and the blood in his kiss and the slow simmer of barely leashed desire. Jasper has come to him like this, the traitor slinking his guilty way home, to show Nick the lengths to which he would go for him. To which he has always gone for him, giving up everything to play Nick’s triple agent, just what the Director ordered." is literally the thesis statement of the whole thing. Anyway

also its the kind of fic where every line is trying to be The Line which...is a quirk of my writing style that comes out every now and then that im usually (for good reason tbh) always trying to cut back on. but this...Needed It. sometimes the prose DOES need to be purple. and i had fun. it was really fun dude lol i had a great time

[aquoteamusetheword]

Coco – Nut

 “Life is short, lick the bowl” – Julia Child

 I have loved coconut for as long as I can remember. I love coconut cake, Mounds bars, Almond Joy, Outshine coconut bars, coconut ice cream, coconut milk, virgin pina coladas, coconut shrimp, coconut shampoo, tropical coconut air freshener in my car… (this is starting to have a Forrest Gump vibe), you get the idea.

 I can trace my fascination with coconut back to two origins.

 The first is every Easter of my young life. I remember waking up in the middle of the night hearing the plastic from my easter basket being placed in my room. I was terrified, not daring to sneak a peek at the imagined six-foot-tall Easter Bunny at the foot of my bed. Once and if I was able to go back to sleep, I would awake to an amazing Easter basket, with a 3-foot-tall chocolate bunny (not a hollow one mind you). There would be baby powder “bunny tracks” making their way to the holy grail of my Easter… (trumpets sounding) my coconut bunny cake, with different colored coconut for the pink ears and a gum drop nose. Me consuming over half of the cake in one sitting was not uncommon. It is entirely probable that much of the ADHD epidemic of my generation was a misdiagnosis; it may have been over consumption of bunny cakes.  I am not ashamed to admit, mom made these cakes well into my teens.

 The second is the world-famous Lorene Thompson six-layer (spontaneous diabetes) coconut cake. Whenever I visited, my grandmother made this cake. This cake is even the subject of Thompson’s folklore. After a trip to Albertville, Alabama, my stepmom Cherryl saved a piece and took it all the way back to Texas. After a meal she relished the last piece, my Pops walked by and scooped off all of the ambrosia that was the icing and licked it off his finger. If a marriage can survive this…

 She even showed me how to make it once. The ingredients were Betty Crocker white cake mix, two fresh coconuts, a 50-gallon oil drum of Crisco, 24 eggs and all of the sugar in the world. Seriously, she would hand shave two coconuts, emulsify some of it in sweetened condensed milk. Then cut three cake layers in half, poke holes in the cake with toothpicks, douse each layer with the milk. She would whip up four cups of egg white icing (fortified with more coconut), there was a layer of icing on the entire cake and in between each layer. Finally, the entire thing was dusted with the remaining shredded coconut. If you tried to create a nutritional information label for this behemoth it would look like a CVS receipt. But it was all ok, she used Splenda to make her sweet tea.

 Love and coconuts…

Happy belated Mother’s Day to Mom and Cherryl.

[smells-like-mettaton]

not much left to say unless

you've got a slow joke you wanted to tell i guess

[klirk-hammurton]

New follower here! I love your Metallica imagines! 🥹

If you are still taking requests, can you write for how the members of Metallica would help if you were sick/injured and how they may go about cheering you up/making you feel better?

I need this in my life right now. 🤒

I most certainly can my dear! I hope you get to feeling better! Hopefully this brings a smile to your face. Thank you for the love and support as well ❤

James Hetfield 

He's attentive to your every need.  Brings you fuzzy blankets, fluffy pillows, hot coffee/tea

He's going to cuddle the fuck out of you. Don't try pushing him off either. He's 6'2" of pure adorable dorkiness and is determined to have you feeling better

"Who hurt you? They'll pay dearly for this"......."James, sweetie….you can't punch a cold in the face…"

Movie marathon. He doesn't care how much he dislikes a movie, if it's your absolute favorite comfort film, he's snuggling up with you and watching it

He's not going to let you do anything. You just worry about getting better. 

He's gonna do his best to make you some soup. Homemade soup can kick any cold in the ass.

Probably makes a trip to the store and overstocks on everything. You send him for one thing and he comes back with $60 worth of stuff from CVS and a receipt long enough to cover a football field.

If you're too sick to bathe, he'll handle that for you. It's little small things like this he loves to do. He'll help you wash your hair, sit back and relax. 

He'll put all of his plans on hold for you. He hates the idea of himself having fun when you can't. You're his first priority 

It might be cheesy, but he'll lay with you and hum soft and soothing lullabies to help you relax. He's a giant teddy bear

Cliff Burton

He's going to do everything he can think of to get you better.

Blanket forts and tons of pillows. Look, he's a big kid and laughter speeds healing.

Don't be surprised when he brings you tons of stuffies after also soup shopping. It's the thought that counts, right

Would probably Google some home remedies for you. "This should work. It's an old timey family remedy." 

Don't worry about the smoke alarms going off. He has everything under control. Kirk is probably shaking his head in the background mouthing 'he doesn't have it under control…'

He's a try hard. He's going to put in so much effort into the simplest of things. 

"Are you comfortable? Do you need more blankets? I have more." You're already buried in blankets and just don't have the heart to tell him no. He's trying 

Poking the canned soup with a spoon. "This definitely doesn't look right…." ……"You're supposed to add milk or water to it first."

He'll help you brush out your hair and shower you in kisses

Lay's next to you and runs his fingers through your hair until you fall asleep. He won't sleep until you do

Kirk Hammett 

He's going to absolutely baby you. Catering to you hand and foot.

Don't be surprised if he tries to get you to come meditate with him. Sometimes natural medicine is all you need

He's an excellent cook, so of course he's gonna go all out in taking care of you. 

Breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed. He's so proud of himself and all of these extravagant dishes he's bringing to you. 

Is going to snuggle you and look at you like a lost and sick puppy. Not the puppy dog eyes….yes, the puppy dog eyes.

Body massages to help ease any tension. Certain massages help in boosting the immune system

"I know you said chicken noodle, so I bought that, cream of chicken, chicken vegetable….is that too much?" He's an overachiever. 

He'll let you lay on top of him on the couch and cuddle. Head scratches and back rubs and forehead kisses.

Runs you a hot bubble bath with Epsom salts. He'll sit next to you on the edge of the tub and stroke your hair

Would probably get sick too because he can't stand the idea of quarantine. 

Lars Ulrich 

Probably sanitizes everything to make sure you don't get sick again. Can't take no chances.

He's known to be a pretty good cook, especially with soups. You're in good hands with him.

Asks you taste test everything he's making. Pouts a little when you say no but then remembers you're sick and you don't eat him getting it too. Don't mind his pouty face, he'll recover from it

Brings you tons of things you'll need. Hand sanitizer, tissues, spare garbage can for the trash, cough drops, you name it. "So I might have gone a little overboard…."

If you're a bookworm, he'll buy tons of books and snuggle up with you to read them. It melts his heart when you fall asleep on him.

Don't be annoyed if asks you a million times a day on how you're feeling, if you need anything, 

Probably brings board games as a way to help waste time and help keep your mind occupied. He only has to grow old, not grow up.

Brings you a giant stuffed animal with get well balloons. Don't judge him, he's trying. It's comical because the bear is almost as big as him.

Does small things around the house so you don't have to worry about them. He just wants you to focus on getting better

Snuggles up with you to watch your favorite TV show or comfort movie.

Jason Newsted

Goes all out in the 'I'm gonna take care of you' department. Don't get mad if he goes overboard 

Brings little small care packages to help cheer you up. Little baskets with your favorite teas/coffees, sweets, probably some candles and bath products 

He's very attentive to you and pays attention to even the smallest of things. Sure he's known to be the tough guy, but around you he's like a harmless puppy

Brings you lots and lots of pillows and fuzzy blankets. So many pillows. You can never be too comfy at this point 

He'll surprise you with your favorite flowers to help liven up your mood. He just wants you happy and healthy

Movie baskets equipped with the first movie you watched together, snacks, some cold meds for you, a cheesy love note or two 

Even if you're sick as a dog, he's still gonna give you compliments on how pretty you are. Don't tell him you aren't, he WILL argue otherwise

 Does little small chores around the house. He doesn't want you doing anything that you're not supposed to 

Makes you a mixed tape of some of his favorite songs and artists that he'd listen to when he's feeling down

Lots and lots of audio books to listen to together 

Robert Trujillo 

Surprises you with several care baskets. One for when you're sick, another of your favorite bath products, and a third for staying in together and enjoying each other's company 

Leaves you handwritten love notes for when you wake up. You'll find them everywhere. 

He'll help you with your hair, brushing and braiding it for you.

He's going to snuggle and cuddle the fuck out of you. He's a total snuggle bug.

Brings matching snuggy blankets to cuddle up with and watch shows and movies with you

Gentle body massages to help you relax and unwind, peppering you in little kisses all over 

On a day when you're feeling a little better, he'll serenade you. He's a hopeless romantic no matter the situation 

He's a big kid, so when you're up to it he's breaking out the board games with you. He'll let you win a few times too

Home cooked meals. Being Hispanic and Native, he has a lot of recipes for remedies to help get you feeling better

Lots of nice hot bubble baths. He'll stay right by your side, stroking your hair and keeping you company 

[letterstomonkey]

I Took My Sadness Too Far

I think I took my sadness too far.

Every time I arrive at family gatherings,

I am haunted by pitiful gazes of relatives who have read only

The worst scraps of my story,

As if I am the rescue dog of this family and

They have done me a great favor

By letting me pretend to blend in

Paying for pills and therapists

Typing lengthy paragraphs of

Encouraging birthday texts about

How I have better things ahead next year,

But my siblings and my cousins only receive

A simple “Happy birthday”;

I think I took my sadness too far.

Every cat scratch on my arms

Raises concerned eyebrows from my friends

And I cannot remember the last time I had a teacher,

Coach,

Or counselor

Who did not single

Me

Out from the crowd of people they are responsible for-

Because they all know I am the 

One to be worried about,

The flight risk,

The Doctor’s notes of special needs,

A list longer than a CVS receipt;

I think I took my sadness too far.

The lady I have gone to every so often since I was a little girl

Who seldom makes eye contact

In silence as she paints my nails

Became unnervingly

Nice

To me all of a sudden,

Every time I visited,

Unrelenting compliments and curious conversation-

Until I remembered the fresh scars

On my left hand

That I had grown used to,

Right before her gaze,

Purple lines raised 

She instantly knew;

I think I took my sadness too far.

It chokes me

How everybody knows me

For this one characteristic

Of my existence,

Forgetting to acknowledge my 

Real accomplishments

As they dramatize the smallest ones,

Making sure I know full well that they are 

So ecstatic 

I am alive, still;

I think I took my sadness too far.

I am not ashamed

Lord, I never have been

I write lyrics out of watercolors

Blended by my teardrops,

Stunning displays of depression

Taking place

From a mind-blowing young age,

But these people in my life only

See my art as a 

Cause for concern,

A reason to schedule another therapy appointment,

Remove the razors from my bathroom,

Coming over without permission

If I ignore their calls and texts for too long;

I think I took my sadness too far.

I watched it become my identity

When I learned I will never be allowed to 

Buy a gun in my country

Because I forfeited my right to such

When I lost control, escorted out in grippy socks

Banging the walls of the brinks truck

Begging to be let up for air

But I would not listen to the crazy girl either-

How does one lose control so young?

They all asked me out loud

I did not have much of a desire to explain 

How I was the litter of the population’s most 

Unsightly runt,

Burned from her exploded car, so

I answered them as the last light

Escaped from my eyes;

I think I took my sadness too far.

I could have screwed dead bolts in every door

Locking my thoughts and keeping the demons out

And maybe I wouldn’t be here

If I had just played outside more

Or covered my ears when they screamed

Instead of pressing against the door to listen,

And I should have never started writing

The sadness into pages

Turning them into entire chapters

Of a book that will never be published

Because nobody else likes to live in 

Depression,

Soaking in it’s familiarity,

For an entire childhood turned to

Adulthood

Letting my bones marinate in the trauma that

Wakes me up with tense, heavy shoulders-

By now, this could have all been over;

I think I took my sadness too far.

[marshmellowtea]

cheekface is right life IS long like a cvs receipt 

[taliaxlatia]

Life is long like a cvs receipt 😔

[language-of-love]

one summer night... (prompt from @jessx2231: sitting on the porch at night) | Summer Soft Series on AO3

.........

Some hellbeast of a bug buzzes his ear and he flails wildly, both desperate to not have it touch his face and not actually make contact with whatever the hell that was. He doesn’t mind walking home from the store, in fact relishes the solitude of it, but these flying monstrosities inhabiting this town can fuck right off.

“Did you just have a stroke?”

“Oh jesus fuck!”

David feels a year of his life vanish into thin air, both from fright and sheer embarrassment as that disembodied voice takes form in a very amused Patrick Brewer sitting on Ray’s front porch.

“Sorry David, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Instead of responding, David holds his finger up as he takes a few steadying breaths, eyes narrowing as Patrick’s smile just grows wider. Why does he have to have a smile like that? And why are David’s lips nudging up to smile back? Enough of that.

“Does Ray know you’re loitering out here?”

“He does. But, point of fact, I’m not loitering. I live here.”

Wait, what? He’s known this man for weeks now and he’s just finding out that he lives with Ray?

“Really?”

“Yeah, I rent a room upstairs. Sorry, I just assume that everyone knows everything about everyone in this town, so I never mentioned it.”

“Hmm, okay, just...processing this new information over here.”

Patrick chuckles in that warm, rumbly way that he does and David’s rogue stomach does a little churn. He’s not sure what to do about his body’s growing awareness of this little business man that’s dropped into his life, so he does what he’s been doing for the past week and ignores it.

“While you’re processing, I’m gonna go grab a beer. Wanna join me for a drink?”

He doesn’t hold back the minor cringe at the word “beer”, which Patrick sees and probably misinterprets, so he quickly speaks before the wrong idea can be formed.

“Do you have any wine?”

Patrick’s smile is back immediately and he nods as he stands and heads inside, leaving David standing there completely unsure of what he’s doing. He can’t help his anxiety from bubbling up question after question into the front of his brain. What is this? What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Of course it doesn’t. This is Patrick. He’s not interested in David like that. Why would he be?

“”Hey, can you…?

David’s pulled from his anxiety spiral at the sound of Patrick’s voice to find him on the other side of the screen door, hands full with their drinks.

“Oh, yeah, let me,” David stutters, quickly pulling the door open so Patrick can step back outside.

“I figured you’d want something chilled, so I went with Chardonnay. I hope that’s okay?”

“It’ll do.”

Honestly, his standards where alcohol is concerned has sunk so low since living here that he’ll drink just about anything, except Mutt’s moonshine. That’s a mistake you only make once.

Patrick returns to his spot on the stair and David contemplates what to do. He could stand here, awkwardly, or risk doing permanent damage to his white denim. He’s not sure which is worse. So he has no real choice to throw caution to the wind and sits.

It’s just past dusk and the evening around them is growing darker, Ray’s porch light and the lights from the motel down the block illuminating the vast nothingness around them. It’s oddly calming in a way. He can hear Patrick’s fingernail picking at the label on his beer, making him realize just how close they’re actually sitting.

“I feel pretty stupid that I didn’t know you were living here until now,” he admits.

“Eh, I hadn’t supplied the information either, so I guess it’s on both of us.”

Oh...wait.

“So, when you offered up your place for me to stay during the whole...lice debacle,” he pauses, allowing the full body shudder to pass before continuing. “You were offering up what, Ray’s couch, or...your…?”

The chuckle Patrick releases gets caught in his throat a little and it comes out more like a cough and when David looks over at him, he’s pretty sure there’s a little redness coloring those pale cheeks.

“I guess I hadn’t really thought that through.”

Hmm… Interesting. Or is it? David’s history of turning nothing into something is longer than a CVS receipt, so he’s mentally stopping that train of thought. Remembering his wine, he takes a long sip, cringes, and goes back in for another. It’s bad, but it’s cold and he likes the company.

“Luckily, that tragic chapter of our lives is over and we hopefully will never have to think about it again.”

“Cheers to that.”

Patrick tilts the neck of his beer towards him and David lifts his wine, smiling at the soft clink of glass against glass.

“So, Patrick, what else is there to know about you that I’ve neglected to learn?”

Patrick shrugs, but David spies his lips curving up a bit behind the mouth of his beer bottle, and yeah, that sparks some real curiosity about this man he’s obviously not given enough attention to.

“Nothing much, really. I’m just, honestly, really happy to be working with you at the store. I’m enjoying the challenge…”

“I’m a challenge?” David interrupts, his incredulous expression marred by his inability to fully wipe away his smile.

“The store is a challenge, David. You’re…”

He falls quiet and David arches an eyebrow, lifting his free hand to motion for Patrick to continue.

“I don’t know. You’re...you. I’ve never met anyone like you before, and I...I like that, I guess? I never know what you’re gonna say or do next, so yeah, maybe you’re a bit of a challenge, too. But a good one.”

David’s a bit dumbstruck. He’s never had someone say those things to him in a way that wasn’t an admonishment before. It’s an unsteadying feeling.

“I’m glad to have made an impression,” he says quietly, quick to hide his face behind his wine glass and his feelings under another long sip that ends up draining his glass.

Patrick notices, because of course he does. He’s rather attentive.

“Want another glass?” he asks, and David’s thrown off again by Patrick’s open expression of hopefulness. But he’s going to head home. Another glass will lower inhibitions and the wall he’s constructed around his heart to stop himself from getting hurt by nice guys like this. Patrick won’t mean to hurt him when it happens, so it’s best to keep things professional.

“Thanks, but I’m good.” Standing quickly, he waits for Patrick to stand with him, but he doesn’t. He just sits there, his broad shoulder propped against the side of the porch rail, smiling up at him in that genuine way that he’s mastered. He holds out his hand and for a second David freezes, unsure as to what he’s doing, but thankfully, quickly registers he’s offering to take David’s wine glass. Their fingers brush a little and the tiny hairs on David’s neck prickle his skin, but he’ll just pretend that it's from the warm summer breeze that’s surrounded them like a blanket.

It’s gotten a tad bit too cozy on this porch.

David’s a few steps away when he hears Patrick call out to him.

“Goodnight David.”

Smiling softly, he wiggles his fingers in a small wave before turning back towards the motel.

“Night Patrick.”

….....

The scratch of Patrick’s calloused thumb against the side of his neck feels so good that he can feel his body leaning in closer, pressing Patrick’s back harder against the porch rail as his moan of appreciation vibrates against their joined lips. Patrick’s free hand anchored in David’s back pocket clenches and their kiss goes molten, both of them delving deeper as if their mouths are performing all the things their bodies want, but aren’t currently able. The porch light is out, casting them in blissful darkness, masking roaming hands and stubble chafed skin, but David’s more than a little desperate to find some real privacy.

“When’s Ray getting home?” he pants into Patrick’s mouth, not giving him a chance to respond as he captures his lips again for another breathless kiss. He tastes of beer and pretzels from their short excursion to The Wobbly Elm, excusing themselves after only twenty minutes to go back out to the Rose Family car and fog up the windows, a move they will both be teased about forever by Stevie and Alexis who found them an hour later half dressed and dazed.

“Soon,” Patrick manages to whimper, “very soon.”

David has half a mind to drag Patrick inside and up to his room, but they’re both too worked up and he can’t emotionally handle Ray walking in on them, which he’ll inevitably do. It’s happened already.

Twice.

So, he does the last thing he wants to do. Pulling his mouth free, he angles his head enough to let his forehead fall to meet Patrick’s, indulging himself for a moment in the exhilaration of hearing Patrick’s breath heaving just as hard as his own. God, it’s intoxicating being wanted.

“You wanna sit for a while?” Patrick eventually asks and David answers with a tiny nod, made a bit awkward with their foreheads still pressed together. The laugh they share helps release a bit of the adrenaline and electricity, but David feels it spark anew when Patrick drags his hand into his lap as soon as they’ve sat down on the step.

“Do you have plans Sunday night?”

“Who would I have plans with except you?”

“Stevie?”

“We don’t make plans.”

“Right,” Patrick says with a smile, “well, I do, so can you add an overnight date with me to your very busy schedule?”

David’s smile widens at Patrick’s ears going pink, his inability to hide his blush even when he’s being assertive one of his most adorable qualities.

“Okay, but I can’t do Stevie’s again. Now that I know that she’s still sleeping with Jake, it’s all a little too...complicated.”

“Agreed. Some neutral ground would be ideal. Maybe one of the nicer hotels in Elmdale?”

David likes how that sounds. Leaning in, he runs the tip of his nose against Patrick’s temple so he can whisper softly into his ear.

“Somewhere with room service.”

“And late checkout,” Patrick agrees as he turns his head, quickly capturing David’s lips in a sneaky kiss.

It’s only minutes later when Ray finds them, once again caught up, with David’s hand trapped behind Patrick’s head and the porch rail, mouths kiss bruised and fingers grazing skin beneath hems and collars. By some miracle, Ray’s on the phone and greets them with just a knowing smile and a wave, quickly disappearing inside, but leaving the inner door open and efficiently, and undoubtedly unintentionally, ending their private moment.

Since they’re so close, Patrick walks him back to the motel, kissing him again against the door before mumbling “Goodnight David” against his cheek.

David’s “Night Patrick” is texted to him moments later, prompting Patrick to look back at him from down the street and blow him an exaggerated kiss.

…....

The condensation from Patrick’s beer drips down onto David’s wrist and it makes him shiver, the cold water a welcome contrast to his overheated skin. It’s a hot night, still in the high eighties past 8 o’clock and humid, making his thin t-shirt stick to the sweat building at the small of his back and between his pecs.

Stevie’s laugh precedes her as she pushes out onto their back porch, one hand clasping an overfull glass of red and the other holding the door open for Twyla following behind her. Twyla’s cut her hair so the warm summer breeze catches the now shoulder length strands as she smiles and sits cross legged against the porch rail, her sunny disposition a perfect match to the warmth radiating deep in David’s chest.

“Is it almost ready?” Patrick asks, his words making his chest rumble and David’s body vibrate from how close they’re plastered together on their loveseat style lounger. As they’ve settled into their new home, they’ve created these little special places, like the oversized soaker tub and the breakfast nook that faces the morning sun. Knowing they didn’t need to make room for potential future kids allowed them to build their home around their family of two and it’s honestly more than David could have ever dreamed up.

“Needs another half hour or so,” Twyla responds, before launching into a long story about all the different models of ice cream maker she tried out before finding the perfect one to give David and Patrick as a wedding present. Of course, because she’s a millionaire, she chose the most expensive home model, which David has thanked her for countless times.

“It’s definitely our most used wedding present,” he reminds her, which makes her smile.

“What about mine?” Stevie asks, each syllable dripping with her signature mix of boredom and sarcasm.

“You didn’t get us anything,” Patrick responds before David even has a chance.

“Incorrect. Need I remind you that it was only due to my meddling that the two of you even got together? And it was my apartment where you, you know,” she lets her words trail off as she nods pointedly. “And it was me who talked sense into you, David, when you wanted to drag Patrick to New York and leave me all alone.”

“Ah, yes, how could we forget. Thank you, Stevie, for your completely selfless gift of...um…”

“Friendship, David, the word you are looking for is friendship,” Stevie supplies, entirely too amused with herself.

As she takes a few large gulps of her wine, David tries to think of a witty response. But Patrick turns his head in that moment and presses a soft kiss into David’s hair and his brain turns to absolute mush. So, Stevie wins this round, but he’s really okay with it.

They do, eventually, eat some of Twyla’s ice cream, a delicious concoction of chocolate, pistachio and marshmallow swirl. Considering her disastrous attempts at edible smoothie recipes, she’s surprisingly good with her ice cream flavors. As the night goes on, Stevie gets more than a little tipsy, but so does David, and he laughs at his own slurred speech after saying goodbye from his now permanent spot on the loveseat.

“It’s a good thing Twyla stayed sober,” Patrick says from the patio door, the sound of his flip flops hitting the wood making David smile as he knows that means he’s coming back to sit with him again. Leaning his head back against the cushion, he focuses on the string of edison bulbs they have framing the overhang, made brighter now that Patrick has turned off the porch light.

“We should tell them to get an Uber next time. Twyla is a really entertaining drunk.”

Patrick’s warm body joins David’s on their loveseat and David lets out a happy grumble.

“So are you.”

Patrick’s voice is soft and rumbly, his mouth hot against David’s temple as he slowly drops kisses on a path towards David’s mouth.

“I’m not drunk,” David protests, even though he knows he kind of is, but he also knows how much his husband loves it when he’s a little ornery.

“Mmhmm…”

Patrick’s response is mumbled against David’s mouth, his hands greedily dragging David towards him by the back of his neck. David’s more than a little tipsy and he goes with it, welcoming the heady rush of desire mixing with the languid pull of the alcohol, making everything feel hazy and oh so good.

He’s barely maneuvered himself onto Patrick’s lap before his sweaty shirt is being dragged over his head and all the privacy they finally have is taken full advantage of.

Later, skin still pink from their shared shower and eyes closing against his cool pillowcase, David searches for Patrick’s hand between them on the mattress. It’s only when he has those familiar fingers, calloused from his guitar string, wrapped tight in his does he let himself fully drift off to sleep.

“Goodnight David,” he faintly registers hearing Patrick whisper.

“Night Patrick” he replies, or at least he thinks he does, but it could all just be a really amazing dream.

[benevolentbirdgal]

13 Rules to Stay Safe at the Pharmacy

It's not fun, but going to the pharmacy/drugstore is a necessary part of life for most of us. My commentary on the grocery store being one of the few places you can still go guilt-free still stands, and absolutely applies here. You aren't going to CVS/Rite Aid/Walgreens/Your local teeny-tiny pharmacy because it's where you can get lipstick, candy, bizarrely specific cards, and sketchy supplements, you're going because it's MEDICAL. The "medicinal" nature of your visit, however, does not negate the need for supranatural caution as I've urged in other situations. That's why I'm hear to outline the rules, so you can safely pick up your prescription (and other stuff "while you're out).

If you're looking to avoid trouble, the best way to do so is to pickup at the drive-through window. Check to make sure you got the correct medicine before leaving the premises though - you do NOT want to know what your doppelganger was prescribed. 

Yes, there is a Hallmark card for EVERYTHING. If the cards seem progressively less plausible and veer into the "not possible" territory, go back to the other sections. Sometimes Others and Beings need cards too - you do not have the appropriate currency to buy one of their cards. 

Some of the cards in the regular human section are still weird. If the card is strangely warm or cold (relative to the store), it has odd writing, or is heavier than it should be, put it down. This is at best a summoning ritual and at worst a trapped Being. Both are bad. Don't tell the cashier - they know, why do you think they're trying to offload it? 

Sometimes the candy is off-brand. Sometimes it's dangerously off-brand. Read the ingredient list with particular care for knockoff candy. 

Usually the generic and the brand name medicine is the same, more or less. Usually. Consult with a medical professional before trying something that claims to be the same as the original. Most of the time it is - and is harmless, but occasionally, that's Benadryl-like-substance for 357 pound turtle spirits, or Advil-like-substance for Formarians, not you. 

Don't try on lipstick in store. It's like $4 - do you really want everyone else's germs? Also, check the expiry dates on cosmetics - you don't want them to cause you to expire. 

Don't be obnoxious about give-a-penny-take-a-penny. By all means, use it, just don't be that schmuck who dumps out the whole thing and wants change. Beyond the fact it's rude, any Others in the vicinity will take great offense. 

Yes, the receipts can be VERY long at the pharmacy. The receipts are frequently also coded rituals, don't read the whole thing out loud. 

Getting photos printed professionally is a treat for sure. They want to give you the nicest pictures they can so you'll come back. If you see something weird in your photos, ask the photo tech or manager about it and schedule a chat with a medium on your own time. 

Those blood pressure machines while you wait can be informative. Just don't use them at night. 

Pharmacy staff ghosts are generally harmless. If there's one in uniform behind the counter, be nice, and he'll be helpful. Beings in pharmacies are generally less malevolent as well-I'm not saying approach the Sphinx, but that if you have to this probably the safest time, while she's chilling and possibly down some hit points. 

The exemption is the ghosts of people who died from snafus the pharmacy you're in has made. You'll know it when you see it. Avoid them if at all possible and get the manager before leaving. 

If something from the bargain bin glows when you touch it, congrats on finding your quest item. My condolences on having a quest. If you hear glass shattering from the cosmetics section upon grabbing the item, put it back and abandon your quest.

[hollywwav]

Climbing the Corporate Ladder (DiaDop fanfic)

I'm working on the next chapter right now! I hope you like it and don't forget to comment!

READ ON AO3

Summary: The new president and his young assitant come to change things for good on Passione Inc., a company dedicated to make up and female beauty.

The young boy is secretely in love with his boss, but thanks to an embarassing accident he will have the chance to get more closer to him! Or not...?

An AU where Doppio, the Bucci gang and other characters work for Diavolo, with the special participation of La Squadra!

Warnings: none.

Chapter 1:

ＰＡＳＳＩＯＮＥ™ Empress Liquid Matte Lipstick

After some months of back and forths, this was the change that Passione Inc. Needed since a long battle with sale drops, unproductivity and a really uncomfortable laboral ambient. The employees of Passione weren’t really amused to welcome a new president, mostly because of the fear of another group of severe managers and supervisors, the complete re-structuration of the company or, worse of all, the posible chance of massive layoffs. The business destiny was uncertain, and this was possibly the last opportunity to avoid going bankrupt. But maybe, just maybe, changes don’t have to be necessarily bad, right? Why not being optimistic just for once? Maybe it couldn’t be that bad to have a new male president for a makeup company...

 Diavolo was the perfect man for the position. A clever, determined, and experienced man with a short but sucessful career in the world of female beauty. Too impressive, but also too “misterious” and portable of a “dark menacing aura” that most of the employees could not stand and tried to avoid as much as possible. A total opposite of him was his assistant, Vinegar Doppio, a cheerful young man that sometimes was too clumsy and distracted, and sometimes too shy at interacting with other people. But everyone in the company liked him anyways, he was really pleasant and interesting to talk too, everytime he had a break after serving his boss the lunch or a cup of coffee.

 “He is too harsh with everyone around him!” told Mista to the young boy while helping him with some fallen documents.

 “I think I heard him yelling at you this morning, did he?”

 “What? Of course not! He must have been talking to his daughter on the phone!” said Doppio with a little blush in his cheeks and looking down a bit nervous.

 “Also... he always treats me respectfully...”

 Oh yes, Doppio was working for Diavolo since some months ago and now he was deeply in love with him. He couldn’t resist his imponent presence, elegance, his deep voice, his misterious green eyes and, god, that lovely long pink hair... Everything about Diavolo was enciting. It was really difficult to concentrate on the daily work when he had such a desirable man around him most of the time, then things got worse when the boss started to smile and talk to him more confidently, and even he started to call him “my Doppio” after being used to his joyful presence and great efficiency in the organization and personal tasks.

 “Ah... why do you have to torture me saying that!! it's not fair...” said Doppio to himself while daydreaming with those dark lips caressing his.

 “My Doppio ... you do such an excellent job ... I need to reward you in some way ...” said the boss in the boy's imagination, letting him sit on his lap and lifting his chin up reaching for his little soft lips. Doppio just closed his eyes and corresponded the kiss.

 "Oh, boss ... you're so nice with me ... I love working for you ..."

 Unfortunately, those daydreams were just that. Daydreams. Doppio heard the boss was married to a beatiful ex model called Donatella Una, and they had a teenage girl called Trish. The same girl that sometimes called the boss begging for money for new shoes or to negotiate her remain days of grounding. Doppio didn’t know about Donatella because he wasn’t really interested in the fashion world, and Diavolo didn’t like to talk about his family or private life. But of course, it was totally logical to have a model or celebrity as wife when you're a rich and sucessful bussiness man.  Anyways, if Diavolo wasn’t married or if even he liked men, there would be no chances at all to conquer his heart. Why would him fall for a childish and simple boy like him? He wasn’t tall, strong or intelligent like his boss. And after some recent rejections, why would Diavolo -of all the people- would accept him so easily?

 With a deep sigh and a slight sense of pain in his chest, he accepted the reality.

 “It’s ok... at least I can work with him and enjoy his company...” said Doppio to himself with a sad smile.

But Doppio was wrong. So wrong. Diavolo desired him secretly as much or even more than he thought since the day he saw him in the HR department for the job interview. There were few candidates, but after personally checking his CV he decided Doppio would be the ideal person for the position, so after talking with Bucciarati from human resources, the boy got the call of approval.

 The first days were a bit uncomfortable and the boy felt weird for being with such an important person, but he gradually got used to Diavolo’s personality and did his best to meet his needs. Most of the time the boss was busy and participating from meeting to meeting, but when he had a spare time he liked to talk to Doppio about his day and other trivial things. Diavolo was pleased with the boy’s job performance and mostly with his lack of bad intentions, something he was used to expect about most of the people of the bussiness world.

 “God... he’s so cute and works ten times better than the last assistant I had...” said the boss to himself daydreaming with that cute butt and adorable freckles. Diavolo loved the sight of those round buttocks and nice thighs every time his assistant bent down looking for a fallen pen or searching for an specific document in the lower drawer. He loved those amber eyes, tiny nose and pink lips but most of all, his cheerful and caring personality. Diavolo desired him with so much yearning. He wanted to declare himself but didn’t exactly know how to. On the other hand, a cute and lovely boy like him must have a couple.

 “I just want to grab him right here... I want to touch him... mark him... oh, I want to fuck him so badly... But I can’t do something like that, at least not that way...I’m sure that he would be terrified and he wouldn’t know how to react. But... such a nice boy like him sure has a girlfriend. Can he possibly like men? If so, he would like men like me?... Maybe he just sees me as his boss and nothing else?...”

 Diavolo was getting nervous asking himself those questions but he had a company to lead, and tons of problems to solve, so he tried to forget those thoughts at least for some days.

 That was a terrible week and it was just Wednesday. An issue with the internet network delayed the work, Diavolo had an argument with the marketing director, the sample pigments for the new palettes came with a color mistake, and several employees were sick because of the winter weather. Doppio was healthy but lately more stressed due problems with his department, and now he was running late to Diavolo’s office with mineral water, a pair of folders and receipts. The boy entered the office to discover his boss on the phone, scribbling on a piece of tissue since he couldn’t find anywhere to write between the mountains of paper above his desk.

 “I’m sorry, boss. The elevator is on maintenance and mr. Bruno told me to give you this” -said the boy placing the folders in the chair- “Let me help you with those... papers” Doppio had to take a pause while talking to admire his boss’ outfit. He was wearing a dark burgundy suit, black shirt with a red tie matching his dark lips, a pair of dark gloves and reading glasses.

 “Oh my god... he looks so hot!!” thought the boy with a flushing face, trying to look elsewhere.

 “Doppio! I need to talk to you about the next week schedule, do you have a minute right now?”

 “Of course, boss” the boy tried to just look at Diavolo’s hands, instead of his hot figure.

 “I know I already asked for various re-schedules but please, could you book me an hotel for next monday? I need to reunite with these people in Venezia,  unfortunately there is the chance of closing some subsidiaries and...”

 Diavolo just kept talking while moving his hands but Doppio couldn’t resist to his boss presence, he was totally ignoring what he was saying at this point.

 “His voice is so enchanting... oh... I wish he could say he loves me with that deep voice... I want those arms holding me tightly... I need him... I need him so much...”

 “What's wrong with him? He looks feverish ... ”thought Diavolo watching his assistant's face growing hotter and sighing heavily, with half lidded eyes and semi-opened red lips.

 “Umm... my Doppio... are you ok?” Diavolo just tilted his head down a bit and he found the cause of the boy’s condition. He stopped talking, changed his serious expression to a smirk and got his hand closer to his lips, teasingly.

 “My Doppio... am I distracting you, right? I don’t blame you, it’s inevitable...”

 “Uhh... what! Oh-of course not, boss!! I’m listening!” said the boy snapping from the daydream, and obviously lying to avoid getting scolded.

 “Excuse me, but then... why are you so hard right now?”

 “...”

 “whaaaaaaaa...?” the boy looked down, and efectively, his dick was completely hard and asking for some release. Doppio looked at his boss, then at his erection and then covered it with both hands. His cheeks were completely flushed, and now tried to hide his face, incapable of pronouncing any word.

 “How cute... I should not make him think I’m laughing at him...”

 Diavolo chuckled a bit and smiled, he really was enjoying looking at the boy in this peculiar situation, but then...

 “I-I am... I am sorry...!! I’m so sorry, boss!” said the young boy trembling and crying huge amounts of tears. He started weeping uncontrolably.

 -“I can’t believe this is happening!! I’m getting fired! I ruined everything!! Now he thinks I’m gross... he won’t forgive me... I’m so fucking stupid!!”-

 Doppio just covered his face, trying to not look at his boss, and kept crying. He looked like a filthly brat in front of his boss. Why this had to happen now? Why exactly in this moment? Why can’t he stop being so horny all the time? He never was so ashamed like in this moment. Diavolo changed his smile to a serious look again and got up from the chair instantly when he heard Doppio sobbing.

 “It’s ok, Doppio. Don’t worry.” “Shhhh... don’t cry. It just happens, sometimes for no reason...” Diavolo hold him tighly and cleaned his tears away. He didn’t really wanted to make him cry.

 “I-I... I’m so embarassed... I didn’t want to offend you, boss! Please!... forgive me...”

 “I said it’s fine, my Doppio. I won’t punish you for this, don’t worry...”

 “B-but... I...” The boy was really confused. Why his boss was comforting him so nicely? why didn’t he yell or slapped him? why he looked like this situation was ok?

 “A-aren’t you mad at me?”

 “Of course not, my sweet Doppio”

 “...sweet???...” thought Doppio, most confused than ever.

 “But why?”

 “Well... basically, it’s not your fault... that’s something we can’t control over, right? And that gets worse when you... are in front of somebody... that you really like... right?” Doppio looked at Diavolo directly at his eyes, completely speechless.

 “Am I correct, my Doppio? This reaction was because of me?”

 Doppio’s eyes were big like plates, he was trembling and unable to articulate any words.

 “My Doppio. I am your boss, and you should obey all my orders, ok? Now I’m ordering you to tell me the truth... Do you like me, Doppio?”

 The boy hesitated for a moment and then gave up. He just looked down, waiting for the real punishment.

 “Yes, boss... I do like you... I want you...” he pronounced the last words like a whisper, almost bursting into tears again.

 “Good”

 Diavolo quickly tilted his chin up and smashed his dark and plump lips to the boy’s trembling ones. Doppio instantly opened his eyes and the boss hugged him more tighly. The boy was unable to react. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even breathe, and then, after some seconds that seemed like eternity, the boss broke the kiss with a fine thread of saliva connecting their mouths.

 “Ah...” said Doppio with the face red as a tomato, too shocked to say anything else.

 “I am so glad to hear that” said his boss looking at him with lustful eyes, licking his lips for a second round of making out.