#life is incredibly stressing because people will act like Everything Is Connected. we hit it off because we're both pisces

[leatherbookmark]

similarly the post where someone gets an anon asking them if you can see that someone's not a virgin just by looking at them, and op Expresses Disappointment at the state of sex ed the Youths™ are getting but like? i did read a novel as a teen in which the main character had sex for the first time, and there was a passage like "her mother knew what happened; a mother always notices such changes in her daughter" and i was like yo what the fuck. that's terrifying. also i went to a private catholic school so my sex family life ed was about satanists killing cats and children on halloween and condoms having suuuuch huge holes that everything gets through, it's much better to observe your SECRETIONS! and not about, yknow, sex, so

[hshouse]

Not a money question, but I think you said something about being willing to give career advice a week or so ago as well, so I want to ask for help on that.

In my line of work, connections (especially familial ones) seem to be everything. Like, getting promotions and the job you want depends on who you know first, luck second, and credentials maybe third. I managed to get into the job I want by sheer luck and pretty good credentials, but I want to get far in this field.

The thing is, I'm incredibly shy, introverted, socially anxious, and painfully awkward in social situations and work gatherings. I tend to be a wallflower, and when I do try to be more outgoing, it just ends up getting awkward or me saying something wrong/embarrassing. I still try to go to all work events though, but it's just so hard for me to be with people and make connections when there.

And it's frustrating seeing other people get preferred sometimes just because they're the son/daughter of this-important-person, so sometimes, I get dejected and don't even bother.

I'd love to read your advice on what I could do to either (1) get further in my career despite my lack of connections; (2) help myself get connections in my field; or (3) not be so awkward in work events, because I anticipate going to a lot in the foreseeable future.

Thank you!

Hi bby,

Congrats on getting the job!!!!!!!

So, for the lack of connections my best advice is to (1) do good work and (2) build connections. At the end of the day, people want shit done well. So do it so well, so fast, so efficiently that people will want you on their team because it makes *their* life easier. I am a true believer in hard work. It gets rewarded 99% of the time. For 2, humans have a recency bias: we give more weight to things that happened recently. So it is never too late to build new connections. Sure, having a “my daddy is” is invaluable but people generally are really attracted to hustlers that are passionate about getting the job done. When you work with someone new, a simple email saying “hey I loved working with you. My name is X, I do Y so if you ever need someone for z please hit me up” can go a long way. I’d start by trying to find a mentor. Someone who is 40 up. Older people really like young people that ask questions about them. Once you have one someone you feel comfy with, ask them to make the introduction to other people. Like “I have been meaning to talk to X and I know you know her, would you mind introducing us?”

For being shy, I don’t think that is an issue. There is a difference between being quiet and being forgettable. Make sure you are not forgettable. You do that by making every interaction you have memorable. Be the kindest, most helpful and cheery person. It’s legit acting. I like the saying that you can do anything for a few seconds. You don’t need to go to a 3h happy hour. You truly don’t. But you do need to make work related interactions as nice as possible. I truly believe in faking it until you make it. Like do it as a true social experiment of acting. Don’t force yourself to FEEL happy/loud/excited, just act like it. that’s wayyyy less pressure and quite easy. Start observing people you think are extrovert and learn the indicators. I am really good at controlling my face to convey something and people think they are reading you (but you are actually intentionally making certain gestures/faces).

Idk I think if you hustled your way into this job, you don’t want to let it escape your hands because you are shy. You gotta face this as an extra requirement of your job: learning how to behave in a way that fits in. I haaaate work related social events so I go to very few but make sure I am seeing and heard by the right people. I’m 10000% sure that if you asked anyone from my job they’d say I go to all events. I go to maybe 1/3 of them. Be strategic about the ones you choose. go to important ones obvs but also the ones less stressful to you. So I go to all cocktails but I skip all “group activities” kind of events.

Overall my advice is to start being strategic and intentional about your behavior. Detach yourself from the parts that are hard to you. I used to feel so much guilt for not enjoying socializing w my peers. But I don’t. I do it like I check my emails every morning. It is a necessary part of my job and I treat it as such.

[annie-mit-ie]

Glimpses: Part 13 (Kathryn Hahn x Fem!Reader)

Part 1 // previous chapter <<< >>> next chapter

Summary: Just a casual catch-up.

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I don't even know what's happening with Kathryn anymore. Guess it's all going "downhill" from here. Don't get mad! It'll be better soon, I promise! ;)

Tag List: @danvers97 @zafirosreverie @srtamercurio @wanatag @pulledbythestars17 @plantowl @spacehahn

Playlist! :)

_____________________________________________________________________________

A couple days pass before you get another sign of life from Kathryn. It's the weekend again and you are lying on your bed, looking up at the ceiling. Alex is talking away on FaceTime, currently ranting about something that happened at her workplace earlier this week. She always does that, lets people walk over her and then complains about it to you.

You are just about to sit up and shut her down to make her stand up for herself more as a mail comes in. For a moment, you are confused, as you have never read the mail address it is coming from before. Still, you immediately open it to read through, a move that doesn't go unnoticed by Alex, who has stopped talking by now. 

"What is it?" She asks, looking rather concerned.

You are unsure what to say and talk as you read the mail. "Hmmmmmm, OH. Oh it's from Kathryn! Oh this took me way too long. But, you know, if all those "a prince from god knows where wants to send you money"-mails I wasn't sure what to expect." Both of you laugh as you read on.

Just as always, Alex is the perfect example of a nosy neighbor. "What does it saaaay? Don't keep me in the dark, ma'am!", she says and grins into the camera. Nearly done reading, you look up and shoot her an annoyed look. As a joke, obviously, but really, Alex needs to calm down sometimes. You reread the mail and prepare to summarize it for the both of you.

Essentially, Kathryn is simply talking about how she had broken her phone on the way to Europe as they made their way through the airport and spent a couple days hunting down your e-mail address to reach out to you again. She doesn't have a new phone just yet, because she took it as a chance to dive into the script and prepare for the shooting, but feels like it's about time she updates and checks in on you. Furthermore, to really focus on the movie, she decided to not cope the numbers from her old phone just now. Instead, she got a completely new, empty phone and only handed out her number to a handful of people, so she can really be one with the project.

It takes a while for you to understand that this means you are special to her and she chose you out of (probably) a lot of people to stay in contact with. If it wasn't for Alex, you would probably fall into a hole now and over analyze if this means more or not, but she interrupts your train of thought, as always.

"Isn't that just SO Kathryn? Like, I can totally see her sitting there, choosing not to have a phone so she can read her scripts in peace and become her character. That's how passionate she is, ugh, I love her."

Usually, you would agree and say you love her, too, but as of lately you can't bring yourself to say these words out loud anymore, since they feel way too intimate considering the relationship you have formed with Kathryn over the last couple of weeks. So, instead of saying anything, you simply nod and read the mail again before typing the number she provided you with into your phone.

A part of you is very happy about the mail and Kathryn's update, but you have to admit that there is also a part of you that wishes she would've said something about missing you. You miss her,  mentally and physically. You miss her touch and her warmth and, thinking about it for a little too long, you miss what kissing her lips feels like. And you miss how her hair feels on your skin as she bends over you. If you're being honest, you simply miss everything about her.

Alex seems to sense your thoughts and breaks the silence. "You miss her, don't you?"

You don't want to think about it any deeper as you can feel some tears forming in the corners of your eyes. Instead, you just nod as you bite the inside of your lower lip, holding them back.

"You know, Y/N. You should tell her. I am really sure she misses you, too. Like, in THAT way. If you tell me everything that happens between the two of you at all times, then I'm pretty sure she is in love with you, too, you know?" "I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER!", you suddenly jump and get way louder than you meant to be. Or are you? Hell, you don't even know anymore. Fact is, Kathryn is gone and won't be back for a while and there is no way for you to change that and that is why you shouldn't dwell into those feelings because after all you'll just get hurt anyway.

You decide to shoot a quick message to the number Kathryn provided you with and let her know you read the mail and hope she is doing alright. Also you can't help but tell her how incredibly boring life is without her - could be seen as you telling her you miss her, but doesn't have to be read that way if she doesn't want it.

Alex finally rants about work a little longer before you decide to watch a movie together since it's getting late on her end and you usually spend your Sundays watching a movie or two, whenever both of you are available. 

It takes Kathryn until around noon the next day to answer your message and she seems rather stressed, as it simply reads "Let's catch up tonight! x", as if she didn't even get to finish typing it all out. Excited for the night, you plan out the rest of the day and secretly hope she will acknowledged any kind of feelings she might have in any way, so you can finally talk it all out. 

You're sitting outside in your mom's garden in between all of her flowers on a comfy garden bench as the call comes in and decide to take it with your computer that is placed on the garden table beside you. This way, you can sit and act more comfortably and can grab a blanket or pillow with your hands instead of holding onto your phone.

"Hiya Hon! I missed your face!" Kathryn speaks in excitement as her wide grin fills the screen. She is also taking the call with a computer, as she is just putting her phone away when she sees you.

You smile softly and a warm fuzzy feeling makes itself at home in your body. „Hey Kathryn.. you look beautiful tonight, as always.“

Kathryn blushes as a cheeky smile plays along her lips and makes herself comfortable on the couch that's placed next to the hotel room window. You can see the last couple of sunrays cradling her face as she leans back and the sun hits her features through the open window. She is wearing a white loose shirt and a thin golden necklace is resting around her neck. Her fingers caress the cold metal as she looks at you, softly biting the right side of her lover lip.

„How are you doing, Sweetie?“ she says and you don’t know what to reply. You want to tell her that you miss her - more than just physically -, you want to tell her that she is occupying your thoughts and dreams and that you want to be with her and how it crushes you that she isn’t with you right now. Yet, something is holding you back, because somehow, you feel like she needs to be the one to bring it up first.

Your breath hitches as she does. „I miss you, honey.“

Your heart is racing and you can feel it beating in your throat in anticipation of what she might say next. „I miss sitting with you and laughing, yeah, but I also really miss kissing you. I can’t believe we don’t get to do that for such a long time.“ She groans.

Yeah. That. Of course she misses that. You sink back into the couch, slightly disappointed, but at the same time - what did you expect?

She notices. „Is everything alright, Love?“ she seems worried.

„Yeah! I’m good. It’s just been a rough week and not being able to sit and, you know, spent time with you just seems wrong.“ You’re not lying.

She nods. „It does. You’re right.“

„I know.“ For a moment, both of you fall silent, caught up in your thoughts. Kathryn is still playing with her necklace, as she is lying on the couch in a very relaxed position with her foot propped up and, all of a sudden, looks absolutely heartbroken.

You can’t stand to see her like this and decide to change the topic. You sit up straight again. „So… HOW IS IT? Tell me all about it! The set, the project, YOUR COLLEAGUES and like… I know you can’t really tell me anything, but like… TELL ME EVERYTHING.“

Her laughter fills the room. You did it, you made both of you happy. „Alright, well. It seems to be a very suspenseful movie and the cast is just great. Lots of people my age but also a couple young ones that remind me of you,“ she winks. „I enjoy working here very much so far.“

Speaking about other people has your attention, so you decide to dig deeper. „So, they all treat you like the Queen you are.“

She waves it off. „Oh SHUSH. You are crazy. Although… you are not wrong, all of them treat me very well.“ 

A small smile plays around her lips and, for a moment, you wonder why, but she is already changing the topic. “We’re actually going out for dinner in the upcoming week. I am very excited. It’s gonna be just a couple of us, but, you know me, I love connecting with the others. Bouncing off ideas and all.”

You nod. You DO know her. “That sounds amazing Kathryn! I am beyond excited for you.”

In the distance, you can hear thunder and see the clouds getting darker. Looking back at her, you catch her yawning. “Hey you? It’s getting stormy out here," You look around you again. "I think there’s a storm coming.”

“OH NO.” She mumbles, before she yawns again.

“ALSO,” you try to get her attention back. “You, ma’am, seem to be pretty tired tonight.”

Forcefully keeping her eyes open, she scans your face. “NEVER. I am never tired. I always go to bed late.” She laughs.

“Kathryn…” you really don’t want to be a literal mom in front of her again, but she doesn’t actually leave you a choice.

“I KNOW, I know,” she laughs. “I had a night shoot last night and I think I can finally feel the aftermath.” She yawns again. This time, you yawn with her. “See, you’re tired, too, and I can actually hear AND see the storm approaching behind you. I need you to stay save and get inside.”

You nod, already grabbing the things you put on your table. “Don’t go silent on me again, yeah?”

“I promise I won’t.” She says and you believe her.

“Alright then, good night, K.” Kathryn smiles at the nickname.

“Sleep well, Y/N. And again, text me anytime, promise I'll be there as soon as I can.” And with that, all good byes are said and you immediately close your computer and storm inside after hanging up as the first raindrops hit you.

The storm is starting to get heavier and the incoming rain is now hitting the windows hard as the thunder rolls in - a perfect representation of your thoughts and feelings piling up inside of you.

[honestlywtfisgoingon]

A Match Set

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Pairing: Benny Watts x Reader

Summary: After meeting one night in New York, you and Benny Watts are drawn to each other. As you go through different experiences with one another, you grow closer until it finally gets to be too much for Benny.

Word Count: 2685 Damn

Warnings: Alcohol and also a little sad?

Notes: hehe the plot continues... also please give feedback I’m still new to writing and can use the help 🥺

Your first date with Benny was like all your experiences with Benny. It started out ordinary, and ended up somewhere completely different.

He took you to a small cafe, one of those hidden spots known only to New York natives.

You and Benny sat down in a little corner of your own, and you felt an imbalance when he didn’t look nervous at all. After you ordered you relaxed a bit, finding out that he was just as anxious as you were. Sure, Benny had an incredible poker face, but the way he kept tapping his cheek while he leaned his chin on his hand had been the tell.

On the outside it looked as though the two of you were on a regular date, exchanging all the usual smiles and small flirtations, but that’s where it got a little more interesting.

Benny wasn’t conventional and didn’t care to be, and you were always trying to get past the surface of things. Neither of you cared for menial small talk, and instead went straight into a passionate exchange of thoughts and views. You ended up talking like you had known each other for years. There was a connection there, an obvious chemistry that you hadn’t found before.

There was a second date after that, and it was even better than the last. He had taken you to dinner that time, and once again you found yourselves falling back into discussion about various thoughts and ideas, nothing boring or ordinary.

As you cracked jokes back and forth and learned more about each other, you had a warm feeling. You recognized that for all these last few months, being with Benny was the first time you really felt at home in New York.

That was before, but this is now. Now is when a part of you shattered. Now is just after you got a devastating call that your father was sick.

“Thank you,” you said before hearing the click of placing the phone back on the receiver.

Thank you for what? You were just told your father was dying and you were supposed to say thank you? You had finally gotten the chance to go beyond your small town, thinking everything at home was safe, that it was taken care of. It was your father that convinced you of that.

Living where you did had it’s limits, and there wasn’t much for you there. He pushed you to get out and explore, telling you that you didn’t need to worry about him.

You were taken from your thoughts when you looked at the time, realizing Benny would be picking you up soon. You could’ve canceled, considering the recent circumstances, but you were grasping for normalcy at the moment, trying to shove away the awful reality you were just hit with. You told yourself it wasn’t because you were running away, you were just being considerate of benny. Yes, you were just being considerate. That meant you could push off thinking about all this until you got home.

This time, you and Benny were walking together in Central Park, and you were trying to pay attention to what he was saying as best you could.

“Hey, y/n?” You heard benny’s voice break through the numbness.

“Sorry, what?” You were embarrassed that he caught you blatantly ignoring what he was saying.

“I was asking if you were able to come to to the championship, but I think you’ve got other things on your mind.” He didn’t seem offended, more concerned.

“I’d love to, I know how important chess is for you, and I haven’t gotten the chance to see you get really competitive.” He would’ve been happier to hear your answer had he not seen straight though you.

“Right now, you’re what’s really important to me. Just tell me what’s really going on.” His admittance for caring about you would’ve made filled your heart yesterday, but today it made you want to run away.

“Nothing is going on.”

“You’ve been off the whole day, I just want to know why.”

“Nothing is going on. Why are you so convinced that there is?” Your tone became slightly more aggressive.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me right-“

“Just leave it Benny!” You snapped, letting go of his hand and and walking away from him. You didn’t know why you took off from someone you liked so much, but you didn’t really know why anything was happening at all.

You were stopped as Benny ran after you and grabbed you hand firmly. You tried to pull away, but he was stronger than you. He spun you around to face him. You became acutely aware of the tears that had started to fall from your eyes. Looking up into his eyes was your breaking point.

You let out a sob before caving into him. You felt his arms wrap around you before letting him usher you to a bench. He held you for what seemed like forever, until you were too tired to cry anymore. He was rubbing you back and gave you a little smile when you faced him. You apologized and hastily wiped away your tears, but he insisted that it was ridiculous of you to be sorry. You still felt guilty after your breakdown, so you explained what was going on to make it up to Benny. You couldn’t exactly run away anymore, physically or emotionally.

“It’s my dad. I got a call this morning. He’s sick, but he wants me to stay here. How am I supposed to stay here, dealing with a new job, a new life really, while my dad’s back home dying?” You let Benny see all the stress you were under, ready for him to leave now that he’s seen you as a mess.

“All those things, you have to take one at a time. If your dad’s what’s important right now, just focus on that.” It was easier said than done, but Benny wasn’t the emotional type and he didn’t know exactly what to say, but he cared, that much was clear. You just nodded, trying to pull yourself back together. “Are you going to listen to him? Are you going to stay here?” You could tell that behind his question, he was scared that you would say no.

“I- I don’t know yet.”

“Whatever you need, I’m here.” He said as he gently placed a hand on your cheek. It was smooth and warm and you wanted to lean into it, but you snapped out of it.

“Maybe what we both need is for you not to here.” You didn’t want to hurt him, but your walls had rushed back up. You had so many things going on, and the last thing you needed was a boyfriend. It pained you to say it, but you wanted to be honest.

“I don’t have to be here as... whatever we have going on now... but I can be here as a friend.” As of today, romance was off the table for you, but a friend was different, and Benny wasn’t the type to let go of you so easily, even if a friendship was all he could get.

You just nodded and looked down into your lap, not knowing what to do now. Benny knew it was time for silence, so he held your face in his hands so you looked up at him. He didn’t say anything as he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears sitting on your cheeks. It wasn’t a romantic act, it was more endearing, a quiet action as if to say that he was willing to catch you if you fell.

You let out a small laugh at his little gesture. His eyes radiated a sort of comfort now that you he was edging into a part of your life that even you avoided.

With the intention of continuing your date that wasn’t really a date anymore, he grabbed your hand to pull you up from the bench. When he tried to let go, you didn’t let him. He looked at you curiously but he didn’t question it. You didn’t even know why you did it, still mentally screaming to push him away. You both just ended up going along with it, holding hands for the rest of the day until he walked you back home.

Nearly 3 weeks had passed since then and you hadn’t gone out or had contact with anyone. Despite your moment with Benny, you had still distanced yourself from him. Holed up in your apartment, existing off of gin, cigarettes, and frozen foods; ignoring calls, presumably from your friends.

You sat in the middle of the living room floor, forcing yourself to sketch. It had been therapeutic for you before, but now you found yourself more agitated as your drawings felt forced.

“Argh!” You yelled out into the room as you threw the papers across the floor. The one thing that you could always turn to was your ability to do art, and now you felt a block.

After taking a swig of gin, you laid back on the floor. You had turned to alcohol after another call with your father. He demanded that you stay in New York and that you go on with your life. Instead you felt like you were at a standstill, unable to keep going knowing that the one person left in your life wouldn’t make it another couple of months, and yet you were unable to see him. It made you hurt and angry that he didn’t want you home, but you wouldn’t go against his dying wishes.

You groaned when you heard the sound of the phone. You dragged your hands across your face when it wouldn’t stop ringing, forcing yourself up to confront whoever was pestering you.

“What the fuck!”

“Glad to know you’re alive.” Bennys voice greeted you.

“Can’t you tell when someone wants to be alone?” You missed Benny, but you were slightly drunk and your defenses were up.

“What someone wants and what someone needs are two very different things.”

“Well then tell me what I need.” You said sarcastically.

“You should come out with us. We’ve been calling, Cleo and Annette and the rest of us. We haven’t heard from you.”

“Well the reason you haven’t heard from me is because I haven’t been answering.”

“Funny,” he said humorlessly, “we all miss you.” He paused, “I miss you. And I said I’d always be here so I have to make good on my promise.”

You paused. You had to admit, you missed them and Benny too, but everything just seemed so scary right now. For all your philosophies and ideas, you were hiding from your own thoughts. Going out with people would only expose them.

“I can’t.”

“You don’t have to have a night out, but have coffee with me at least.”

“Benny I-“

“Great. I’ll be there in five.”

“What? Benny no-“ He hung up. The bastard hung up on you. His audacity was what actually made you laugh for the first time in days. After a minute of laying on the floor, you gathered energy to trudge over to the bathroom and make an attempt to clean yourself up. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you made a grimace at your reflection. You brushed your hair and washed your face, brushing your teeth twice to get rid of the alcohol on your breath. You swiped some face makeup to conceal your dark circles and changed out of the pajamas you had been living in.

You buzzed Benny in, expecting him to wait downstairs in the lobby like usual. Instead you heard a knock at the door in the middle of clearing things up. You got flustered as you rushed around to pick up glasses, pillows and other articles littering the floor.

“I thought we were going for coffee,”You said as you opened the door, panting slightly.

“I thought I would make things easy, come to you.” He said as he made his way in, slinging his arm around your shoulder, “plus ive never been in here.” He took a look around, making no comments about the state of your apartment. He made himself comfortable, going through your kitchen, presumably looking for coffee or something to eat. “Do you want anything? More gin maybe?” He said as he picked up an empty bottle sitting on the counter.

“Benny-“ you warned, silencing him. He joined you on the couch with some chips he found in the cabinets and a can of coke.

“We don’t have to talk about anything serious, I just don’t want you to be alone. For my own sake really.” He turned his head away from you while saying the last part.

“You know I should be a dick more often, I’m making you all soft.” You nudged him in the shoulder as a small smile crept up on his lips, lightening the mood. Something about him being there made you unconsciously drop your facade. You had to admit it was nice to relax for a moment.

“Hey don’t go telling everyone.”

You didn’t talk about anything serious like Benny said you wouldn’t. After a while you eased into laughing and chatting casually. Eventually the conversation reached a comfortable lull.

“I missed you too you know. I didn’t say it over the phone.” You told him. Having him here with you made you feel bad for your outburst. You admired his patience for you.

“I knew.” He shrugged as he gave you a sideways little smirk.

“cocky bastard.” You said jokingly.

“Your favorite cocky bastard” he tilted his head towards you as he lifted his brow, smiling.

“Top 3 maybe.” You leaned back like you were pretending to think about it.

Suddenly you remembered what you talked about before the little breakdown you had on your walk.

“The championship! Do you still want me to go?” You sat up with your sudden remembrance.

“Course I do. I didn’t know you would still be up for it.” Benny looked happy, but you could tell he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I didn’t think I was, but I didn’t want to miss you winning.” You ruffled his fluffy blonde hair. He gave you that cocky smirk again. You really won points by stroking bennys ego.

“Well we can drive together then. It’s next week.” He said it nonchalantly, but he smiled as he took a sip of his drink.

You paused, not realizing the championship was so soon. You thought you had at least a month. You didn’t feel as though you were ready to enter back into the world yet. Just Benny was alright but having to hold your own with all those people while Benny played scared you. Benny caught your hesitation and went to hold your hand. They were chess players hands, soft with long fingers that intertwined with yours. They were cold and his rings were a bit uncomfortable, but your breath still hitched a bit.

No. You said you wouldn’t get involved with him. Still, you kept your hand in his. It was probably the one mildly romantic thing either of you could get without risking the friendship falling apart at this time.

“How exciting,” you finally continued. You lifted your coke and you and Benny cheers-ed together. Once again that warm feeling of home crept in, that feeling you got when being with Benny. No matter how many walls you built up, Benny, someone you hadn’t even known for more than a couple months, had an amazing way of bursting through.

Just this morning you were firmly committed to becoming a hermit, and now you were planning a road trip. You chalked it up to Benny being special to you. No, you pushed that thought away again. Special in a friend way. That’s what you needed, and that’s what he was willing to be. You were in a state of conflict around him, shoving him away and holding his hand to pull him close. You shook off your thoughts and looked at Benny, and there was a moment where his eyes shone with admiration, and then it was gone as he turned his head away and continued to talk about one of his chess feats while you listened attentively, just happy to be around him again, even if it was unwillingly at first.

[pascalsky]

Pedro Pascal is flying high on The Mandalorian, but defining success by his earthly bonds

The Wonder Woman 1984 and The Mandalorian star is one of EW's Entertainers of the Year.

Human connection. It’s vital. Especially in a year like 2020. Especially for Pedro Pascal. So it’s ironic that the 45-year-old’s highest-profile success to date is working with an adorable animatronic puppet, inside a chrome helmet he famously can’t take off. "It is why I wanted to do this show. Selfishly, I knew [the Child, a.k.a. Baby Yoda] was likely to make people fall in love with the show," says Pascal of tackling the title role on The Mandalorian, the Emmy-nominated hit Star Wars series, which returned for its second season on Disney+ in October.

The Chilean-American actor has an eye for choosing projects where he’ll stand out, from popular network procedurals including The Good Wife, The Mentalist, and Law & Order to his breakout roles as the charming — and horny — Oberyn Martell on Game of Thrones and, soon after, DEA agent Javier Peña on Net­flix’s Narcos. But it’s the stoic bounty hunter safeguarding a frog-egg-eating 50-year-old toddler that’s made him a house­hold name. The new season of The Mandalorian followed Pascal’s galaxy-traveling warrior as he searched for the home of the Child, generating countless memes in the process.

Playing the Mandalorian has been one of the hardest and most unique experiences of Pascal's career to date. At this point, it's no secret that he wasn't physically under the helmet as much as he would've liked in season 1 and recorded his dialogue in post-production to match what his doubles, stunt actors Brendan Wayne and Lateef Crowder, did on set in the armor. Giving a largely vocal performance was a challenge for a physical actor like Pascal, who is almost unrecognizable when you compare his turns on The Good Wife and Game of Thrones, for example, because of how he carries himself. Yet, being on set way more in The Mandalorian season 2 didn't make his job any easier because he still had to figure how to make Mando compelling while also being as economical as possible in his physical movements and vocal performance.

"I'm not even sure if I would be able to do it if it weren't for the amount of direct experience that I've had with being on stage to understand how to posture yourself, how to physically frame yourself into something and to tell a story with a gesture, with a stance, or with very, very specific vocal intonation," says Pascal, who believes his collaborative relationship with creator Jon Favreau and executive producer Dave Filoni, a.k.a. his "Mandalorian papas," also helped him inhabit the role in season 2.

Speaking of collaboration: Working with comedian Amy Sedaris, who plays gruff Tatooine mechanic Peli Motto, was one of the highlights of The Mandalorian’s sophomore season. “I followed Amy Sedaris around like a puppy. [I was] like, ‘Hey again. I’m not leaving your side until you wrap,’ and she’s like, ‘Cool,’” Pascal says. “I love the Child — it really is adorable — and it is so fascinating to see it work, but somebody who makes you spit-laugh right into your helmet will always be my favorite thing."

Pascal longed for those kinds of interactions during quarantine, which proved difficult for the actor who was living alone in Los Angeles. But he lights up, is even giddy at times, when the conversation turns to bonding with the Community cast right before a charity table read back in May (he filled in for Walton Goggins), or FaceTiming his friends to celebrate Joe Biden and Kamala Harris' election victory on Nov. 7. "Ahhhh! Ahhhh!" Pascal exclaims, reenacting the joyous calls with buddies like Oscar Isaac that Saturday morning. "It was screaming and jumping and dancing and crying…. I very arrogantly took screenshots of everything and [shared them], like, 'I am a part of this!'”

"I'd be less nervous playing tennis in front of the Obamas than I was seeing a reunion of these people that I think are brilliant and have this incredible chemistry with each other and stepping in and having really, really, bad technology in this new space that I had moved into. I really resented having to actually participate acting-wise because there were instances where it was way too much fun to watch."

- PEDRO PASCAL ON SHOOTING THE COMMUNITY TABLE READ.

His appreciation for those around him has only grown during the pandemic. Before flying to Budapest to film The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent with Nicholas Cage, Pascal leaned on his bubble for support. Community's Gillian Jacobs, for example, hosted him for an outdoor socially distanced pizza night every Saturday in the early weeks of lockdown. (He suspects that's why he was recruited for the sitcom's table read when Goggins couldn't participate.) "The friends that got me through it are absolutely everything to me and very beautifully marked in my head. I've got old friends and new friends that literally did nothing short of parent me through the experience," says Pascal, who has "survivor's remorse" for being in Europe right now. "I feel guilty not being [in the States] with my friends through [this tumultuous time] but also grateful that, individually, I was able to gain a little bit of separation from the stress of it."

Those tight bonds helped redefine, or at least clarify, what success means to him. "I want to make sure that my relationships are right, and I want to make sure I'm nurturing meaning in a sustaining way, and that won't necessarily be related to getting good jobs and making lots of money," he says. But he'll take them — as he did for both of his 2020 projects, about which he's thrilled. And how could he not be, starring in two of the year's most feverishly anticipated properties?

Besides The Mandalorian, Pascal appears in Patty Jenkins' superhero epic Wonder Woman 1984, which has endured a Homeric journey to its release (read: several pandemic-related delays). Thankfully, the odyssey is almost over because Warner Bros. recently confirmed that it will open in both theaters and on HBO Max on Dec. 25. Pascal is stoked audiences will finally see his turn as the villainous Maxwell Lord because playing the greedy dream-seller pushed him out of his post-Game of Thrones action role comfort zone.

"With Wonder Woman, [Gal Gadot and Kristen Wiig] are doing the action, baby, and I'm doing the schm-acting!" he says, hilariously elongating that final syllable. "I am hamming it up!" (Indeed, Pascal reveals Cage inspired his performance in one particular scene.)

But Pascal felt he was up to the challenge because everything he needed was right there in the screenplay, which Jenkins co-wrote with Geoff Johns and David Callaham. "I didn't have to take something and figure out how to put more flesh onto it. I had to achieve getting into the skin of what was being presented to me," he says, contrasting the experience with playing a DEA agent for three seasons on Narcos. "For me, Colombia was almost the central character, and then I was allowed to make him depressive and to tonally interpret what the character was. And in this case [on Wonder Woman 1984], there was just so much for me to meet rather than to invent."

He continues: "That was an incredible delight and challenge because Patty Jenkins is a director who loves actors and when she sees she can ask for more, she does. And there isn't anyone better, in my experience, to give more to."

In 2021, he rejoins the good guys as an aging superhero and father in Robert Rodriguez's kid-friendly Netflix drama We Can Be Heroes. The inherent optimism of the Netflix film's title also complements Pascal's hope for the new year. Says Pascal, ”If [fear] can take a little bit of a backseat and not be the main character in everybody’s life, that would be great.”

SOURCE

[7wanderingpaws]

Captain Bucheon 01

(gif is not mine)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader (Lee Nari)

Genre: policeman AU; enemies to lovers AU 

Warnings:  langauge

A/N: First chapter! Yay! Super excited! Also, the feedback I got for the prologue - THANK YOU SO MUCH. Im super excited and happy and grateful. Hope you will enjoy this one! ^^

story masterlist masterlist

: prologue

>>>First<<<

Loud screeching was what woke you up. Thundering of footsteps down the corridor made you groan and turn in bed because for god's sake, it was Saturday morning and they just had to be loud at 10am!

Your roommate, lying in the bed just four feet next to yours, stirred awake too, though considering her eyes were fully open, she must have been up for a while now. “I’m glad it’s them waking you up and not me.”

You sighed and managed to smile but you were tired. Life in dormitories sucked, but yours even more so since you were assigned probably the worst dorms in the campus. Having to share bathroom and shower rooms made you leave your comfort zone. But finding toilets in the terrible state you did just purely horrified you. Why weren’t some girls flushing the toilets?!

“You know very well I won’t kill you if you wake me up, Yuyeon-ah,” you mumbled, your voice hoarse. Having Yuyeon as your roommate was the only positive aspect of the dorm life. Some would argue it’s the most important one but you were selfish and you wished you had a private bathroom like the other, more advanced, dorms had. There wasn’t even a kitchen where you could cook your ramyeon deliciously!

“Doubtful,” muttered Yuyeon, amused, and she moved to sit up and start her morning routine while you decided to lie around for just a little bit longer.

Working tirelessly many evenings made you tired and the exhaustion always caught up with you during weekends, where, frankly, you didn't have work. Also, it being the beginning of your second semester, the tension and stress were on but you decided you wouldn't let it affect you too much. You have had enough stress in your entire life and you swore you would become your usual cheerful self.

And you had been, indeed, working on it. But that meant getting over, and hopefully, forgetting everything that happened almost one year ago. Your brother was still in prison and your family, terribly disappointed and in pure shock at what had become of your brother (plus your underage drinking fiasco), you all decided it would be better for you to move to the dorms for the time being. Another story was forgetting about the person who was behind the entire turn-over of your life.

Byun Baekhyun.

You never saw him after that one time he came to your high school. In that moment, you were numb, paralyzed and it hurt to see him. He dared to act like he cared. But over the time, you grew hate towards him. A hate that was weirdly combined with some emotions you really didn't want to pay too much attention to, because they were all based on a fake relationship. A relationship, that was something so beautiful, just for it to end up becoming a complete nightmare. A trauma. A terrible trust issue that you might never be able to get rid of.

It was safe to say that you, Lee Nari, would rather spit at Byun Baekhyun than ever start a conversation with him let alone acknowledge his presence were you to meet him. Not that you were expecting to meet him. After all, you had been incredibly careful - especially around Oh Sehun - in avoiding him by never-ever-ever-ever even coming as much as close to the street where the main Bucheon Police Station was located (but too bad for you; it was literally in downtown Bucheon) and even if you had to cross it, you whined and had to be dragged by your wrist (by Yuyeon). On the good side, there was never a chance for you to cross his apartment building as he lived in a different neighborhood. So that was, thankfully, out of the possible trouble inducing locations’s list.

But still, you couldn't help feeling anxious about spotting him somewhere. The first few months, you might have been looking around with too much hope, wanting to see his real self instead of the ogling at the few photos you had together stored in your phone. Just one glance of his eyes, nose, lips was what you wanted; it was maddening.

Then the flashes of that day came back, ruining every sweet memory, every sweet touch of his engraved into your skin, every stroke of his lips - it all vanished, instead morphing into his stern, burning gaze of which you were on the receiving side. The way he blamed you, the way he wanted to arrest you, and then the way he wouldn't let even your own mother hit you yet he gave you the harshest of punches… The moment of you overhearing his conversation with his tall colleague (you already forgot his name) until your entire world crashed on you. He lied. He never liked you. He never wanted a real relationship with you. He used you to get to you. Byun Baekhyun wanted to arrest you and then he arrested your brother and smashed your heart into tiny pieces. How could you ever recover?

“What, you're not getting up?” shrieked Yuyeon when she came back from the bathrooms, towel hanging around her neck. “The results of the votes are today so you better get up and prepare. You're the school's star, missy,” she grumbled and went over to her table, continuing her complex skin-care routine.

Right.

The way to get over Byun Baekhyun was to live and you could do that thanks to your friends.

Pfft, you had places to be. Forget about Byun Baekhyun.

><

Because of your communications major, you somehow ended up in the university’s student council. You were representing your school year but it was still unclear how the hell you managed to win over more than half of your classmates when all you ever did was hide or be with Yuyeon.

You entered Bucheon University with pretty damaged self-esteem, your cheerful self still recovering from the scandal. However, despite always doing something mischievous with Yuyeon neither of you had a huge circle of friends. It was only natural that the two of you did everything together. Even now, it was mostly you and her, plus Sehun and some other friends.  Unfortunately to you, many males voted because of the nature of your chest. The quiet girl with huuuge boobs, they were saying with hushed voices.

“Don’t pay attention to them, it’s you winning at the end of the day,” advised Yuyeon at the time.

So when the both of you waltzed into the seminar room with a round table in the middle and took seats (Yuyeon was there for your moral support), you could only glare at one senior who was sitting opposite you, his eyebrows wiggling as he  shamelessly drunk in your chest which was, as per usual, hidden under an L-sized hoodie. It seemed you could never escape.

When the president of the student council, Chul, appeared you all stood up and bowed to him respectfully even though he was a student just like you. He was the oldest though.

To your surprise, he walked straight over to your chair, throwing a charming smile at Yuyeon, who let out a quiet scoff in return, before leaning down to whisper in your ear, not forgetting to touch your shoulder gently: “May I have a chat with you? It’s rather private.”

When he leaned away, you blinked twice but nodded and followed him outside for a moment. You could hear whispers erupting after you left though you paid no attention to them.

“What is it, Chul?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest. Chul was one of the very few who never got distracted by it and you were thankful. He helped you a lot in your first semester, like finding you a job and teaching you how to drive a scooter so that you could easily do the deliveries while introducing you to some other interesting people on the campus.

“So about the spring festival - I have two things,” he started, his gaze set on your eyes, always making sure he reciprocated the eye contact. “First, you are taking part in the relay running for our team with representatives. Second, you have been requested as the MC-“

Before he could finish, you sighed holding out your hand to stop him, feeling the nerves kick in, not even paying attention to the first news. “Those votes aren’t even valid. They are all mocking me, Chul. Besides, I don’t wanna do it.”

Chul let you finish, patiently nodding. “Well, hence me stealing you from the meeting.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been requested,” he repeated, emphasizing the last word, “by our main star.”

“I thought we haven’t heard back from the agencies yet?” you asked. You’d written countless emails to various agencies, asking for special famous idols of theirs. To your utter distaste, it also included Siamsa but you couldn’t tell anyone you knew what an annoying, fake bitch she was.

He shrugged. “Well, we heard back from a couple. Siamsa agreed to be the main star of the festival under one condition,” he murmured, lowering his voice. He pointed his index finger at you. “If you’ll do the MCing for her.”

That left you speechless. That delusional woman wanted what now?! “I don’t want to, Chul,” you shook your head, frowning.

It made you wonder why you were getting nervous in the first place. Was it because of her status and having to stand in front of your entire school or was it because of the connection you both shared and that was Byun Baekhyun? Just the idea of having to face her and having to be reminded that she dated your ex made you weirdly sick in your stomach.

He sighed, scratching his neck. “I’m sorry, Nari, but I’m afraid I’m gonna want you to accept it. She is the hottest idol out there and everyone wants her the most. Imagine the attention our university - and especially us, the school council, could bring in. Don’t let us down,” he added gently, though you could sense authority in his voice. Chul was always fair, you had to admit. He never asked you to do anything that made you uncomfortable, never asked you the reason for your reluctance in the past but now he insisted and it showed in his intense gaze.

“I’ll help you with the preparations,” he added, smiling encouragingly. “You’re much more outspoken and talented than you give yourself credit for, so I’m sure you’ll be a star just like Siamsa.”

Well, he really didn’t have to say that last sentence. If there was someone you wanted to be like, it was your good old self. Of course you had more talent, after all you were the big-mouthed one.

Chul patiently waited, seeing that you were mulling over the options. When you looked up at him, you slowly nodded while hating yourself. “Fine. I’ll do it. But-” you stopped him from smiling widely, “what happened with the original voting? Who won?”

“Obviously, you.”

You shook your head quickly. “But I mean who is the actual winner?”

“Not important,” he muttered, brushing past you. “Let's head back inside. Not everyone has the time to sit around waiting on a Saturday.”

><

Once the meeting was over, you couldn't wait to spill the news to Yuyeon but needed to wait until lunch time, when you would meet Oh Sehun. You had sent him a text earlier asking if he was still grabbing lunch with you and Yuyeon (secretly you were writing these messages for obvious reasons - you couldn't risk he would be with Baekhyun). Since he had agreed, you and Yuyeon were speed-walking to the cafeteria, both of you hungry.

Once sat down and joined by the tall friend, you looked around varily just to make sure he really came alone. 

Sehun sighed, tired with your dramatics. “I'm alone, Nari,” he rolled his eyes as he was mixing his tuna bibimbap. “And now spill. The both of you have been acting like rabbits on energy drinks.”

Shooting him a frown, you still rambled away for ten minutes, telling them what had happened. Yuyeon knew about Siamsa and your past experience with her and Sehun also knew the vital triangle connection of Siamsa, Baekhyun and you. He still seemed shocked and even uncomfortable when he heard your entire story.

“What made her request you?” he asked after he swallowed a big chunk of food. “I mean - does she even know your name? Your university?”

“And you literally met her a year ago,” added fervently Yuyeon, deep frown wrinkling her forehead.

Just like your friends, you also had many questions but no answers. Mulling over various possibilities, Sehun finally spoke up: “Should I ask Baek-”

“No.” Your answer was abrupt, but cold, empty and harsh to which Sehun winced the slightest bit. Even hearing his name made your heart race fast and hence the sudden cold behavior. Sehun knew you as a cheerful, kind girl so seeing you being affected by his friend to this extent made him quite perplexed but nothing he wasn’t used to by now. It was his fault; he should have known better than to bring him up.

Yuyeon shot you an unsure look but this time, you ignored it, focusing on shoving around the rice in the steel bowl with the spoon.

“You should have declined,” tried Yuyeon.

“I did decline,” you answered eagerly. “I feel like that bitch might have something up her sleeve. If she does, I should be ready.”

Sehun was flicking his gaze between you and Yuyeon, thinking over your words. Surely, things you didn't know about could hardly hurt you, right?

After lunch, Sehun bid his goodbyes to you.

“Where are you off to?” you pouted, looking up at him with puppy eyes. “It’s Saturday, let’s do something fun!”

“I’m going to the running tracks today with my friend,” answered Sehun and ruffled your hair in amusement to which you pulled back and away from his sneaky hand. “Maybe later, hm? I bet you’re gonna do something with the student council anyway.”

“You and your running, aish!” grumbled Yuyeon. “Go, go, we don’t need you anyway.”

“Don’t get into trouble!” Shouted Sehun as he turned to walk towards the gymnasium and the track field. He waved one more time before he had his broad back on you.

You scoffed and grabbed Yuyeon’s hand, yanking her towards the dorms. “Well, making trouble has been more challenging since we are old enough to do trouble,” you exclaimed, jumping a few times to make Yuyeon walk faster. She whined and tried to pull away but your grip tightened and you snickered. “But that doesn’t mean we still can’t go and have fun tonight!”

><

“Let’s do one more round.”

“Hyung,” groaned Sehun tiredly, feeling the sweat dripping down the sides of his face. “Enough.”

“One more.” Byun Baekhyun shook his head once before he took off for another round. “Losers will keep losing!” he shouted with a cheeky, handsome smile, running backwards for a bit to check on Sehun and when he saw the tall male run after him in challenge, he snickered and turned back, dashing off into a sprint.

It’d been like this for almost a year. Baekhyun was always a gym buddy with Sehun but in the past eleven months, Sehun became a small, indirect punching back. Whether it was because he suddenly became a mutual friend with a certain someone or whether it was a punishment for being there that night with her, he didn’t know. He didn’t want to know.

One thing he surely did know was that running helped him ease his mind and relax, maybe make him feel a little bit more numb like he so wished to be.

Getting rid of any intruding thoughts of Lee Nari was difficult. He felt sorry for her, the victim of his job. Fooling around with a young girl was not his plan but he knew he did it for the better good. He tried to persuade himself that he did it for the better good while pushing back the need to search for her and make sure she was doing alright. 

As he was nearing the finish line, Sehun caught up with him and they both jogged towards their bags nearby the tracks to freshen up. Sehun was heaving like a parched horse which made Baekhyun chuckle as he reached for two bottles, throwing one to his friend.

“Cheers,” exhaled Sehun harshly and quickly opened the bottle, gulping down the needed liquid.

Baekhyun hummed in reply and waited for his heartbeat to calm down before he would have a sip. “How’s everything?” he decided to ask. “The new semester just started.”

Sehun swallowed and closed the bottle. “It’s just the first week. You know the drill - introductions and boring stuff.”

“Nothing interesting happened then?” Baekhyun was very subtle in hints. Sehun was, thankfully, quick-witted.

“We will have the university festival in May,” he replied with the slightest of smirks on his face. “Siamsa is confirmed to perform.”

Baekhyun wasn’t looking at Sehun and even the information he just heard wasn’t worthy enough to make him pay attention. “Cool. She is an artist after all.” He noticed some girls approaching the track and he felt a small tinge of dissatisfaction. He really liked when the track was only his.

“One of my friends will be the MC. Actually, guess what! Siamsa made a special request. Funny, right? In what universe does a singer of her caliber ask for a mere first year student?”

Baekhyun snapped his head to Sehun. “Why?”

Sehun shrugged. “We don’t know why she wanted her out of everyone... though-“ Sehun pulled a thinking face. “It might have something to do with you.”

Baekhyun sighed, already feeling tired. “I don’t like that one bit. Siamsa is sneaky.”

Sehun nodded. “She didn’t want to do it but her senior kind of ordered her. So I guess she doesn’t have another choice.”

“What kind of senior is that if he makes her do stuff against her will?” huffed Baekhyun, his hands on his hips. “Isn’t he supposed to be there to support her?”

“Well, yeah. He did a lot for her so she feels like she has to do it.” Sehun decided to not share any more than that despite sensing Baekhyun’s questioning stare. He knew Baekhyun wanted to know what that “a lot” meant.

When Baekhyun knew he wouldn’t be getting more out of Sehun, he sighed and tapped his shoulder. “Thanks for telling me.” He moved to grab his bag from the floor when Sehun stopped him.

“Hyung.”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows in question, waiting.

Sehun opened his mouth but then ended up closing it. Baekhyun was a tough nut to crack. It was obvious he was always interested in Nari’s well-being but him pretending not to do so was frustrating.

“I think-“ he re-started, remembering Nari’s emotionless face when he mentioned Baekhyun earlier that day. He opened his mouth to talk but Baekhyun was faster:

“I think it is better to leave everything up to her, Sehun. She is a smart young woman. If anyone can do well, it is Lee Nari. After all, she is finally able to do everything she was pretending to be doing.”

Sehun snorted a laugh, mockingly rolling his eyes. “And since when did you become so-ugh, respectful about that? Nari is stubborn and doesn't know anything about life.”

“It is none of my concern, Sehun,” replied quietly Baekhyun, looking somewhere off in the distance. “But I know she is stronger than you give her credit for.”

“She might hate you and she might not be over what happened between you two-”

“I locked up her brother,” gritted Baekhyun, “and before that, I wanted to lock her up. What makes you think there is any way for both of us to function normally even if we do meet?”

Sehun sighed. It was difficult to communicate with the both of them. Yes, they were both hurt but goddamn it. Anyone could know they cared for each other.

Baekhyun sensed Sehun's dilemma and so he stepped to the taller male and gave him a curt smile. “Don't push it, Sehun. She will be fine.”

><

Sweat was gradually collecting around your hairline until it turned into one huge tear drop travelling down the side of your face. The text message was as clear as the night sky.

Unknown number

drop it at the 1047 unit

top floor

“It's impossible,” you muttered, feeling yourself becoming nervous. You were standing in front of 1047 and it was definitely not the top floor. It was the first floor, just like the first  number indicated. 

Gnawing at your bottom lip, you raked your head about possible connections you could contact when you couldn't deliver the boxes as you were supposed to. There was never a responsible person, only an unknown number sending you messages with the quest and a requirement to always be careful (you supposed the carefulness was concerning the boxes). You would receive a confirmation message when the box was in safe hands. That was it. No unnecessary contracts; just you and the job at hand.

You tried calling Chul, you senior. After all, he was the one who fetched you the job but even he wasn't available at that moment.

When you were just about to lose your mind, your phone rang making you almost drop the box. Thank god for your reflexes. “H-hello? Chul?”

“Hey, what's up?” he chirped.

You told him quickly your problem but you weren't expecting his light voice to become more serious. “You can't find the place? Are you sure you are in the right building- shit, the time is almost up. I'll be there right now:”

Heaving out a breath, you checked your wrist watch. The box was supposed to be delivered within fifteen minutes. How would Chul make it in time for you, you weren't sure but you soon found out when you heard his rushing steps, his phone's screen lit up with the exact information you were provided with.

“Hey,” he breathed, taking in your worried gaze as you gave him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry for the fuss.”

He shook his head once, muttering a single “no need” before he took the box out of your arms and put it down in front of the door. Grabbing your hand he started pulling you downstairs. “We gotta get out of here.”

“Huh?” you looked back at the box helplessly, before you couldn't look anymore, instead watching out for your step on the stairs. “Wait - Chul, I need to fulfill the task.”

He shushed you and before you knew it, you were outside in the chilly air. Dragging you a few more metres, he heard an approaching car's engine and he was fast to push you into a small alley that was barely lit by any street lamps.

“Chul-” you started, frowning. You didn't like him manhandling you like that.

“Do you trust me?” he whispered as he made you press your back against the wall.

“Yeah,” you breathed, eager to hear any information he could provide you with to explain what the hell was going on.

To your utter horror, a police car drove by, but you weren't terrified about why the police car was there. You were terrified about a certain someone sitting in that car and you possibly having to face that certain someone. Just the thought of having to see his shocked or disappointed face yet again made you inwardly whimper.

When the car was far enough, Chul turned to you. “You are doing a great job, you really are. But you mustn't, by any means, get caught by the police while doing deliveries. Got it?”

Feeling your heart thumping loudly from the adrenaline, you nodded. “What about the box then?”

Chul cursed when he looked at his phone. “Three minutes left. Go in and check the box. If it's still there, take it to the top floor as per request. Sometimes they give misleading information to you in case your phone gets stolen. Next time, make sure to double-check all the information they give you, okay?”

You were nodding eagerly and already started walking back to the small apartment building.

“I have to go but write to me if the mission is successful. Now go, quickly,” he said and without waiting, took off into the opposite direction.

Due to the stress, you didn't even stop to think about the weirdness of the situation. Rushing back in, you went to the first floor where you left the box. You were rendered motionless when the box was no longer there.

Someone took it.

Feeling fear creeping into your system, you took out your phone to call Chul just when you received a confirmation message.

Unknown number

the box has been successfully delivered

[jangpoo]

I’ve been meaning to post on here in forever but like I just have had so much going on. But I’m starting to get into Daiya and anime again, so I want to talk about it.

It’s glaring to me that some people haven’t actually watched or played baseball before. And if they have, maybe there isn’t a great understanding of the nuances. And this isn’t me gate keeping or saying I’m better than anyone, but simply an observation based on what people say. But anyway I just want to talk about it.

Terajima does an EXTREMELY excellent job of portraying the sport. The issue I find with baseball is that it’s really fucking boring at times. There are so many times you watch a game and think, nothing is happening (and this can be true of any sport but I especially see it with baseball). However, I believe that many times, if you actually understand the sport or have experienced it before, you find a lot of the nuances come off the panel even better in this story.

I have seen so many people, especially on Reddit and Twitter talk about how this current game is going to be another “come from behind win” and “a cookie cutter version of what terajima always does.” My issue with this is how people are not talking about why this arc is by far the best representation of what baseball looks like and feels like at times and why people consider pitching duels to be the most exciting display of the sport. Sawamura has had this game coming for the past 10 years. All of this build up was for this moment.

From a writing standpoint and story standpoint, I understand it’s fucking FRUSTRATING to see how many times Sawamura has come into a game and done poorly or been given a handicap. Even his first game as an ace was so incredibly frustrating to read. You want him to win. You want him to succeed. Especially after seeing everything he has gone through. I’m tired of watching him come into a game, doing spectacularly but wondering, what would he have been like if he didn’t have the yips. Or what if he could actually hit? Or what if he was given the same opportunities as other players? There has been so much disappointment. So people wanted him to become the ace and suddenly have this outstanding game where he is dominant and amazing and just having an out of body experience. But the truth is, you don’t just get that. You don’t just start a game as an ace and have it go your way. And I hate that shit so much. But it’s the nuances. It’s the small things that makes Daiya so special and realistic.

The reason this whole arc has been so incredible is because we see an accumulation of EVERYONE buying into ace-Jun. First, before this game even begins, we see Miyuki FURIOUS that he couldn’t get Sawamura relaxed enough for the game. He’s angry that Sawamura feels strained enough to put the team on his back and overpitch. And he couldn’t get him out of it. He couldn’t help him the way he is supposed to as a catcher. We see Kuramochi understand that when Miyuki is gone, HE needs to step up. He needs to be the one that coach can rely on to help the team grow and thrive. He wants to be trusted to the team completely. And in this game, we FINALLY see the team get angry and frustrated at not backing Sawamura up. I mean, despite how they act, they never outwardly do that. They believe in him. They’re impressed with him time after time. But they never really back him up the same way we saw them do with Tanba and Furuya. It’s always like he provides some miracle, hypes up the team, but then is the butt of the jokes again. They quietly support him and work with him outside of games. But for the first time in this game, we get them buying in. We get them trusting him and working for him. Getting frustrated for him. And I believe Kanemaru’s “anticlimactic” at bat is the absolute most obvious display of that.

Some people call it anticlimactic but they just don’t get the point. I need us to think back to the very beginning of the story. Kanemaru absolutely could not stand Sawamura. He always said that all he did was talk and had nothing to show for it. But slowly and surely, Sawamura showed Kanemaru that he was dependable. He could be amazing. And little by little Kanemaru showed him more respect. Helped him with bullpen sessions. Helped him study. Cheered him on. He even, at one point, would become so distressed for Sawamura he’d make an error and feel terrible for it. Yet each time, Sawamura proved to him, it’s okay. I’m going to work my ass off. my hard work, your hard work, it won’t be for nothing. It will mean something. And so, in this moment, Sawamura is pulling this team by himself. That’s all he can do. The other pitcher is JUST as amazing. He’s just as talented and hard working. He can do what Sawamura does. And so the team fails time and time again. And like, let’s not pretend we’re the most frustrated in that situation. The team is livid. They can hit here and there but can’t connect. Can’t string together hits to score (which is how most pitchers duels go and is super realistic). And at the peak of this, when the captain cannot hit, Kanemaru comes up to bat with vengeance. He comes up to hit the shit out of the ball, no hesitation in his mind. He wants to kill it. But the part that borderline makes me want to sob, is that it’s not for himself. He wants to do it for Seido and he wants to do it for Sawamura. He wants him to know “I have your fucking back. I am going to hit the shit out of the ball. I’m going to score a run for our ace so it can put less pressure on him.” And that’s the mindset you want as a player. That’s what a good team does. And despite hitting a ground ball and getting out, it’s that effort. It’s the will of running as hard as you can down the line. Because yeah he got out, but who fucking noticed? Sawamura. He saw how hard he tried. He saw how hard he ran down the line. So yes, he didn’t score a run, but he did everything he could. And sometimes that’s good enough. Sometimes that’s what a pitcher really wants to see. So ofc Sawamura says “That hyped me up.” It was not failure. The feelings, the will and that connection came through. And Kanemaru understands immediately and says then let’s fucking go, let’s go out there stop them and hit again. It’s such a small moment and seemingly there to keep the score tied in the story, but the meaning there is absolutely what matters. Because yes, Sawamura is the only one in that moment that can turn the disappointment around, but what it also means is that Sawamura still believes. He tells wolf-boi, “I’m not worried. I believe in the hitters. We won’t go down without a fight” and he’s right. Because he can still believe the team hasn’t quit. Because someone like that, who wanted nothing to do with him at one point in time is working incredibly hard for him.

And it isn’t just there. We see it with Nori. He’s injured and we know how hard he’s worked to be starting games. We’ve seen his hardships and now he’s injured. But he believes. He trusts Sawamura. The team trusts Sawamura. They’re frustrated for him. They’re frustrated on his behalf. He’s bought in. And that is the beauty of a pitchers duel.

To be honest I’m flashy. I like high scoring games. But a show of true competition is always present in a pitchers duel. It’s 2 guys going head to head and the one that breaks first loses. It’s exciting and stressful. And I believe that many people are feeling that in this arc. And that’s why so many people are pissed, thinking this is just another show of the same shit. When Seido get past this, they’re going to Mei. It’s gonna be the same shit. We have progressed past a point where inconsistencies no longer are acceptable. You have to be on or you lose. The other team is just as good as you. And despite how well we want Sawamura to do, we also have to accept that he won’t always be unhittable. He will revert back to bad habits at times. But the Sawamura we’re getting this game? Absolute fucking monster level shit. (And our lord and savior Chris senpai is there to watch)

There are so many amazing moments that show how well Terajima understands baseball and truly loves it. From kids purposely throwing their futures away to finish out the season despite injuries, to having kids having long crises where they have to be demoted to lower strings to get out of the funk and the loneliness that goes with it, to kids fighting about the team and prioritizing winning over friendship. The frustration of the yips, losing games you were supposed to win, feeling like it’s your last chance to win before you graduate and never play again, having to move on with life. It’s all so well done and that’s why I’ll always love this manga. I love Haikyuus story other sports mangas and characterizations but Daiya will always hit different for me.

But anyway, that’s my dumbass ramblings that probably don’t translate well into written form. If you made it this far, why? Lol

[motherjoel]

Leading Lady (Spencer Reid x Reader)

chapter two- comfortable silence

wc: 1.6k

summary: you meet the rest of the team and find out how you’ll be protected from the unsub

a/n: please let me know if you guys like it so far! feedback is always appreciated :) 

chapter index: chapter one

-

The ride was pretty silent. You soon realized that you didn’t even know where you were driving to. The guy in the sweater sat next to you in the back seat. You decided to break the silence and turned to him.

“Sooo… what's your name?” you asked him with a smile. You had been introduced to Agent Morgan, the conventionally attractive muscle man, but the blunt pretty boy hadn’t said much.

“Dr. Spencer Reid. Sorry, I should’ve introduced myself sooner,” he acknowledged apologetically. You shrugged, it was no big deal. The way he spoke was not conventionally charming- it was the little details that piqued your interest in him. He wasn’t boisterous or flirtatious, although you wouldn’t have minded if he was.

“Nice to meet you Spencer, I’m Y/N. Though, you probably already know that,” you chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. He didn’t say much, but there was a light smile on his face as he looked out the window.

You offered another question, directed towards agent Morgan. “I’m sorry, but where are we going?” you asked.

“Don’t be sorry. We’re going to the police station to fill you in and introduce you to the team,” he said with a comforting smile. He then took on a more serious tone. “Our number one priority is your safety. We’re going to try to keep you as safe as possible without straying too much from your daily routine,” he explained. You didn't know what that meant, but it comforted you. The SUV pulled up to the police station and the three of you got out and walked inside.

You were greeted by a group of pretty good looking people, not unlike the 2 agents who picked you up. A man with dark features and a stern face introduced himself first as Agent Hotchner, followed by Agents Jareau, Prentiss, Rossi, and Garcia (who was currently on a computer screen talking through a video chat). You shook everyone’s hands and waved to Garcia through the screen, who enthusiastically told you to call her Penelope. You turned back to Agent Hotchner as he began to speak.

“I know this is incredibly stressful, but we appreciate your cooperation,” he said.

“No problem, but what exactly am I cooperating with? Why am I being targeted?” you asked, frantic to know information. Dr. Reid looked up from the files in his hand to answer your question. 

“We believe you to be the next target in a string of local murders. This unsub, or, unidentified subject, is killing women of your age and general appearance who are starring in local theatre productions,” he told you. The information was incredibly jarring, but there was a softness in his eyes that made you feel safe. 

 “While we don’t know why he’s targeting these women, we believe that you are a target,” said Prentiss. Your heart dropped- you’d never get used to being a “target.”

“So, how are we gonna prevent me from dying,” you said in a joking tone. You knew it wasn't a joking matter, but since it was your life on the line, you felt that you reserved the right. Agent Hotchner spoke again.

“We’re going to have one of our agents stay with you at all times. Dr. Reid will be staying in your apartment, posing as a visitor or some sort of outsider, maybe a boyfriend,” he said. As he said this, you couldn’t help but blush at the thought, and when you looked at Spencer it seemed like he felt the same, avoiding your gaze. Agent Hotchner continued. “He is to follow you and stay with you wherever you go. We will also have undercover agents positioned outside of your apartment building at night to keep you safe.”

This was a lot to process. You looked to Dr. Reid, who was already looking at you with… well you weren’t sure. It was like the soft look from before but it contained something extra, maybe pity, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. 

“Okay, I guess. Thank you,” you said, and you meant it. There wasn’t much left to do at the police station so you were ordered to head back home. Dr. Reid grabbed a duffel bag and met up with you at the entrance.

“Ready to go?” he asked, holding the door open for you.

“Yup,” you said, trying to hide a blush. For some reason the basic act of holding a door open for you made your heart flutter. You hadn’t experienced simple chivalry in months, not even with your ex all that much. You nodded your thanks to him and walked past him to the car, slightly brushing against his arm as you walked past. You hopped into the front seat as he got into the driver's seat and wordlessly started the car. 

The ride over was fairly quiet aside from you occasionally telling him where to turn to get to your apartment. However it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Although the two of you didn’t exchange many words, his presence was welcome and comforting. That could also be because he had a gun strapped to his waist and an insane serial killer was after you, but you felt connected to this man already. You had to park a couple blocks away from your apartment because the streets were always packed, but you didn’t mind. He reached into the back seat to grab his duffle bag and the two of you hopped out of the car.

There was something about him that you liked, that was intriguing. You noticed some small mannerisms, like his occasional rambling and the way he talked with his hands. Those hands that made your mind go to... indecent places. You had just met the guy, though, and obviously didn’t plan on acting on the occasional attraction. Shaking these thoughts from your head, you decided to make some conversation while the two of you made your way to your apartment.

“It must be hard,” you said, noticing him giving you a weird look you continued. “I mean, your job. Aside from the physical aspects of catching killers, I bet it takes a toll,” you said before realizing that it could seem insensitive. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to delve deep into your psyche with some random stranger you just met…” you trailed off, embarrassed. A laugh came out of nowhere and your eyes shot back up.

“Well, I guess if I do delve deep into my psyche with you, then we won't be strangers anymore,” he smiled. “But, you’re right. It does get hard sometimes, I'm very lucky to have such a great team. We’re all kinda there for each other to help deal with stuff like that. We’re all in the same boat,” he explained. You nodded, processing his response, and it wasn’t long before you reached your front door.

“Here we are, the casa del Y/N,” you said in a terrible accent. You heard a light chuckle behind you as you walked in, dropping your keys on the counter. He stood near the entrance and surveyed your place, not making any definitive movements. He seemed uncomfortable, like he didn’t want to disturb anything, but it wasn’t like you kept your place extremely tidy. It was more organized chaos- with your busy schedule and lack of a social life, you didn’t feel the need to keep everything sparkling.

“Well make yourself at home. Uh, the couch is a pullout bed so you can sleep there. Help yourself to anything in the cabinets, although i'm living basically off of rice and the occasional PB & J so it's not really stocked,” you laughed. He smiled at that, but looked a little concerned. 

“Don’t worry, sometimes I steal the occasional croissant from work so I’m getting my calories. Don’t tell my boss, though” you joked. He laughed again, more comfortably, and walked towards the couch to set down his duffle bag. He seemed to notice your copy of Les Mis, the book version, on the coffee table and he picked it up.

“One of my favorites,” he said, while flipping through.

“Oh, you’ve read it?” you asked, surprised that this calculating man was reading Victor Hugo.

“Yeah, in the original French too,” he said, nonchalantly. You were shocked but you didn't want to make a big deal so you continued.

“Wow. Well, I decided to read it to kinda prepare for the show I'm in. I wanted to get to know the characters more and Hugo can really go on and on so I’m feeling good,” you said. You tried to make time for reading but these days you could only read when it wasn’t busy at work so reading Les Mis seemed like a good option.

He smiled at your response, seeming content that you two had something in common. You felt the same.

“Well, I’ve got the early shift again tomorrow so I’d better get to bed,” you said, feeling the exhaustion from the day hit you. 

“No problem,” he responded, seeming to understand your feelings. “You could probably guess this but I’ll be going to work with you tomorrow. Don’t worry, I'll lay low.”

“Oh, I'm not worried, and don’t feel compelled to lay low. I barely get any company at work so this is exciting for me, besides the serial killer part,” you both laughed. It was nice to have someone who understood what you were going through while simultaneously protecting you. 

With that, you walked into your room to get ready for bed. You barely had time to process your thoughts or feelings before the heaviness in your eyelids overtook you as you drifted off to sleep.

-

taglist: @rexorangecouny

[zeeboomblebee]

Alright, here we go.

Alright, I knew from the start that I would do something like this, and even though it’s pretty late, it’s not over yet.

Ninjago… god. It’s very difficult to put exactly into words how much this little kids show about LEGO ninja means to me. But I want to share my story and express exactly how proud and happy I feel today as this series and fandom meets an absolutely incredible milestone.

I am not one of the Ninjago veterans. Like plenty of current fans, I only got into the show because of The Lego Ninjago Movie. I remember seeing the previews for the movie when in theaters for watching The Lego Batman Movie. I wasn’t a big LEGO kid. I had a couple LEGO City firefighter sets as a kid and loved to build them, but that was that. The introduction of The LEGO Movie made me extremely excited for more LEGO movies because I absolutely adored the first one and it’s unique humor. When I saw TLNM’s previews (and absolutely adored the “La-lloyd” joke), I remember thinking “isn’t there a show called Ninjago?”. I was in the mood to absorb myself in another fandom, so I decided to give this show a chance in the summer of 2017. Needless to say, I was instantly captivated by this show. I remember Zane’s true potential being quite the shock, and that was really the big hooker. I never felt the plot twist of Lloyd being the green ninja since I knew it from the start, but it was intriguing nonetheless.

Seasons passed quickly as I binged them all at once. Zane’s death truly hit hard. That particular episode made me feel emotions I have never felt in any other fandom to date. I never slammed so quickly on the “Next Episode” button in my life 😂. Cole’s ghost arc really intrigued me, and I felt a deep connection with him from that moment forward, and he’s been my favorite ninja ever since. He just by himself has given me so much comfort during more stressful times in my life, than any other character. He is my comfort character, one of my favorite characters, and I really do love this earth boy more than I could possibly put into words.

I laughed, I cried, I felt a much wider range of emotions when watching this kids show than I ever could have fathomed. I wanted to kick myself for ever dismissing this show as “boring” and “childish” for so long instead of giving it a chance. Better late than never.

I finished Hands of Time, and was begging for more Ninjago seasons to be released. TLNM was soon in theaters, and I literally have never been so excited to see a movie as much as I had then. It didn’t quite meet my extremely high expectations, but I can never find it within myself to think too harshly of it; I owe it everything for dragging me into this world.

This show has affected me in so many ways. It has inspired me. It’s inspired the way I act and treat others. It inspires my creativity. My first ever OC, who I still hold very, very close to my heart, is a Ninjago OC. My first fanfiction was a Ninjago fanfic, and I’ve only become a better writer as I explore this world and it’s lore. I’ve drawn quite a few pieces of art, which has slowly helped hone my own art skills. But it’s also affected me and my community. I remember the moment I discovered my best friend of 2 years shared the same love for this show as me. Our trust in each other skyrocked that day, and we’ve never held a secret from each other since. I’ve met very close friends through this fandom as we bonded over the newest seasons and added lore. I have just built such a solid structure of people around me thanks to this show, and I really don’t know what I would do without some of them. I will forever be grateful for this show for this reason.

The people who make this entire show possible deserve recognition, gratitude, and love as well. I can’t possibly list them all, but a few in particular come to mind. Thank you Tommy Andreasen, for absolutely everything you do for this show. Knowing how genuinely passionate and happy you are to interact with your fans is always a breath of fresh air. I am confident the path of this show will never start shifting askew with your involvement. Thank you Brent Miller, for your genuine passion as well. There is no obligation for giving us fans the content that you do, yet you do it because it makes us (and hopefully you) happy. You reveal an entire new layer of the show to us that we normally don’t get the privilege of seeing in our fandoms, and it only makes us more excited and passionate for the series. And of course, thank you so, so much, Kirby Morrow. It’s been said many times by now, but I’ll say it again: this celebration for this fandom’s 10th anniversary is dedicated to you. Thank you for practically giving us 10 years of your voice to one of my most beloved characters of all time. It breaks our hearts that you could not be with us celebrating today. No matter what happens in the future, you will never be forgotten by any of us. We miss you, and even if most of us never knew you personally, we love you.

Ninjago just reached the most incredible milestone today. The 10 year anniversary of the pilot episodes is today. What a day. I can’t get over the idea that this show nearly ended after season 2. How could this show possibly end when there were still countless more stories of adventure and lore were meant to be told? As of now, we have 13 incredible seasons, and are very close to getting 2 more. The characters, the plot, and even the show itself has grown immeasurably in the past 10 years. Even if I’ve only been here for 3 and a half years, I’ve seen it grow dramatically right before my eyes. It is still a beautiful thing to witness. What a phenomenal show, filled with even more amazing people. So much talent in its fans. From fanfiction writers, fan artists, cosplayers, YouTubers, and countless, countless others, we have created an impressive and talented community that blows people always when they see us. Because there is so much more to this show than anyone could have ever expected.

Thank you, Ninjago. I love you so much. Happy 10th anniversary. I cannot wait until the day that I can say I’ve been a fan of this ongoing show as long as some people today can claim. Here’s to another 10 years.

🥂

[missnxthingg]

Got a angst request with Tom x reader. Reader lost quite a bit of weight and noticed how people treat her differently based on her looks and feels insecure and scared of getting closer to Tom thinking he’s the same as everyone and won’t like her personality

A/N: I’m so sorry I took too long to get to your request. It’s just that I started college this year, and it’s been really hard to write now, even though I miss it so much. Now that I’m quarantining, I get much more free time to write since I don’t have to spend two hours on the subway home, and there are many things that don’t take a lot of my time as before. But I’m still studying, and it’s still hard to write. Also, I wrote this for at least three times? Didn’t like any of the versions, but I liked this one better, and I hope you like it.

Words: 3.7K

Pairing: Tom Holland x Female Reader

Warnings: Swearing, low self-esteem and really cute.

masterlist | main blog | gif source

TALK TO ME

Self love is hard for you, and for years you haven’t been gentle with yourself and your body. Looking in the mirror and not enjoying what you’re seeing is the hardest thing in the world, especially when you cry your heart out about it for hours. It’s been like this since you were much younger, and it only grew up with you, following you through all your life, including when you started in acting. It became pretty hard to deal with your own body, and always having eyes on you, commenting about every single curve of your body.

That way you concluded that you wanted to lose weight, not because of anyone else, but yourself. This was something that needed to be done for your self esteem’s sake. It wasn’t like you weren’t eating at all, but now you were eating healthier and it even made you feel better. Trading late night burgers for homemade healthy food was definitely life changing for you. In time, it started to show differences in your body, and people starting to notice.

It’s so funny to watch people treat you differently once they start noticing your loss of weight. Before everything, your aunts were always commenting about your body, now they were always complimenting you. Guys didn’t even talk to you when you were out clubbing with your friends, now they were always checking you out. But the biggest difference was in work, and that’s the thing you noticed the most. Movie industry can be the worst when it comes to bodies, and it was probably one of the biggest reasons you wanted to do what you did. It was almost like magic, because now people really payed attention to you. In a few months, you were wanted to be casted in many movies and TV shows just because you were all over the media with some new paparazzi bikini candids during a vacation in Mexico.

But of course, haters never rest. Even though you were feeling much more confident, they would always be around just to tell how much you’ve changed and wasn’t the same person as before, because your looks went up your head. You went from playing step sisters and nerds to playing a mean girl in some romantic comedy. It was something you always wanted to play, but the industry wouldn’t let you play if you didn’t have the most perfect body to do it. You even dyed your hair blonde for the character, which was a boost to people that were already saying you were such a superficial girl now.

As said before, self love is hard, and when it doesn’t come to your body, it comes to your personality. Doubts were all over the place all the time, and now you were questioning yourself if you really were a good person, or that maybe they were right. That’s why when you got a new role as the main character in a sci-fi movie, you weren’t so sure if you deserved it. Maybe they only wanted you because of your new body, not because of your work. But you shook it up and face it with a smile.

You woke up in the morning of your first day feeling so nervous you could throw up. It was normal to you, anxiety mixed with something new always hit you like a truck, but it was okay. You had your shower, a good breakfast to face the big day of working and put on some comfortable clothes, you because you would change into your character’s figurine soon. You were nervous, but you had a little boost of confidence, feeling it was going to be a good day. But soon that feeling was shattered. It wasn’t like the whole day was a complete shit, but it only took some words from one of your castmates to completely ruin the day.

The day started out nicely, people were nice there, and you got to meet a lot of people you knew that were a big deal in the industry, one of them being an Oscar winner and the other one a big Marvel star. When you met your screen partner and love interest in the movie, you got speechless. His name was Tom Holland and he played Spider-Man in Marvel movies, and also was everywhere in Hollywood right now. And he was really pretty, showing up with simple gym clothes, a messy hair that was needing a little bit of cutting, but was perfectly showing his curls. And he had a pretty smile too, one of the prettiest you’d ever seen. But if there’s one thing you never let yourself get dragged into was believing that people were nice just because of their looks, because of you own life experience, but Tom was genuinely a nice guy.

“Hi, I’m Tom, it’s nice to meet you.” He stood his hand in the air to greet you with a big smile on his face, giving you a comfortable vibe to just relax around him.

“I’m (Y/N), it’s nice to meet you Tom.”

“I guess we’ll be working a lot together now. Because you know, we have a lot of scenes together.”

“Yeah, Cassie and Liam.” He bumped your shoulder gently and you smiled, feeling something in your guts.

Your first meeting with Tom was lovely, and you were already loving working with him. It wasn’t the same feeling you got when you met the girl that was supposed to be your sister on camera, Oscar winner, Ella Turner. Of course you knew who she was, and you loved the movie she got an Oscar for, so you were excited to meet her. Your first saw her during your first makeup test. She was in the trailer enjoying some coffee and sliding through her Instagram while waiting for the makeup artists. You cleaned your throat to announce you were there, but Ella didn’t even move a bit. You pressed your lips together and approached her, tapping her in the shoulder. She turned to you with a bored face, looking directly into you, taking all of you in.

“Hi, I’m (Y/N), you must be Ella.”

“Of course I am.” She grinned and arched her eyebrow. “You must be the girl that got my role in the movie.”

“Excuse me?” You asked, confused with her response.

“Yes dear. I wanted your role, but they chose you to do it, leaving me as a secondary sister instead. I don’t know why, because clearly I was the best choice, especially to attract the critics eyes to us. But of course, it’s so obvious why they chose you.” She turned back to her phone, as if she didn’t care who was in the room with her. She took a break, waiting for your response, but of course she didn’t get one. “Because you’re the new girl in every magazine with your new pretty body. So pathetic.”

“Uhm, okay. Sorry to steal your thunder.” You sat next to her, avoiding eye contact. You thought she’d be more charismatic, but now you were only thinking about how jealous she was of not getting the role. Bad comments were something you tried to avoid all the time, but they always echoed through your head, no matter how loud the music was playing in your eyes.

So first day of work, not so great. You tried to get Ella’s comments out of your head, but it took three full glasses of sangria to get it out of you. The second day was better, and you had a really nice lunch with some people in the cast and crew, that including Tom, who was really being very nice to you. Actually, he was the one that invited you to have lunch with them, seeing you were so alone on set.

You got to meet many other people that were going to work with you, one of them being Tom’s brother, Harry. And lunch was really sweet and funny, it made you day light up a little bit and it made you forget that you were going to have a long scene with Ella, and she wasn’t better today. The key of doing a great scene in a movie was connecting with the environment you were in, and the actors you were acting with. Ella didn’t make it easy, and you had to do the scene over and over again. And somehow, when she was around, the whole crew acted different with you, like you weren’t as important, and that made you feel really bad.

You couldn’t help but think that maybe she was right. You were only there because of your looks, not because you’re good enough to be in that role. And the second day was the one that ended up with you crying on your way home and devouring your feelings in food. Not so great as the night before.

But third day was good, probably because you had many scenes with Tom, and he made you laugh so hard you almost died without a breath. He really made you feel comfortable around him and was really nice to you. Actually, he was nice to everyone around, but that day he really gave you all the attention he could. He even shared his lunch with you, because his brother made too many food for him and Harry.

“So, he’s Harry twin brother?” Tom nodded and smiled while chewing his food. “Your family can literally do anything! You’re an actor, you dad’s a comedian, you mom and brother are photographers, and your other brother is a chef! It’s almost like you’re The Incredibles.”

“I am a very lucky guy when it comes to family. I even have a brother that cooks for me! That’s just… amazing, really.” You chuckled and leaned back in the table, taking some more food in.

“I miss my family. Because I can really be myself when I’m with them, and work is stressing me out too much. Ella isn’t an easy person to deal with.” You sighed and he nodded.

“I know, but maybe we’ll get a break soon. And hey, maybe you can come over and have dinner with my family, they would love to meet you.”

“Really? I don’t wanna bother.”

“You’re not gonna bother them, and my little brother Paddy loved you last movie. You were a great mean girl!” You smiled and sipped some more juice from your glass.

“Well, thank you! And I totally kicked-ass as a blonde.” He nodded, with a smile.

“Yeah, you did.”

In time, you got closer to Tom, more than you could imagine you being close to someone, and you started to have some feelings for him. Of course it was stupid, but you couldn’t help it! But the thing was that you’d never been in a relationship with anyone, just because of you insecurity with your own body. And now that you were feeling great about your body, but self doubting you talents and personality, it became even harder for you. A guy like Tom Holland wouldn’t like a girl like you.

Tom, in contrary, was really into you as well. He tried to get closer to you, but it was like you wouldn’t let him in. He tried to hard to connect with you in some other level, but you were a really hard person to deal with, and he wished you could just open up to him a little bit more. You knew everything about him, about his family, where he was from, what did he like, and even his pet peeves. But he didn’t know anything about you, and that was really bothering him.

One day, you had a really long day of work. Ella was as difficult to deal with as she could be, and Tom noticed that she was getting on your nerves, and that you were pissed, and only wishing that she would just shut up. He was getting out of his trailer to go home, when he saw you getting out of yours with a big bag on your hand, that seemed pretty heavy. He rushed to get to you and caught the bag from your hands.

“Ops, careful there!” Tom mumbled, picking the heavy bag up.

“Thank you.” You blushed as he started to walk along with you.

“You okay?” He asked, looking at you. You looked away, trying not to give away how you were feeling.

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” You mumbled, trying to avoid eye contact, but your voice tone gave it all away. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“Why don’t you stay at my place tonight? I live nearby, and I can cook to you.”

Tom had a point. You lived much far away from the studio than him, and would take forever driving there. He was living so close to the studio that he was taking taxis to get there everyday. And as much as you didn’t want to admit it, you were too tired to drive home and cook for yourself. Maybe accepting his invite would be good for you. So you nodded and he pulled you over by the shoulder, hugging you from the side. Being with him was very comfortable, and you wanted to let yourself go a little bit more, but you were still holding yourself back just because you weren’t sure if he would really like you just the way you are.

He asked for your keys and drove your car to his home. You were both living somewhere that wasn’t your hometown, so that led both of you getting your own apartment in Los Angeles. His apartment was much smaller than yours. It was a small flat, with one bed, a small bedroom, kitchen and living room, with almost no walls. But the furniture was nice, since the couch was really big, and so was the bed. It was pretty different than your apartment, that was a little bigger than his, and had many rooms, with walls and everything.

“So this is my place. Not big, but it’s cozy.” He said, settling your bag in the couch.

“It’s nice.” You smiled to him and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“What do you want to eat?” He asked, walking to the kitchen and looking at what did he had to prepare for them to eat. “Forget it, we only have one option. Pasta.”

“Sounds good to me.” You giggled, too tired to have any other reaction. Tom glanced at you and gave you a sympathetic smile.

“You should take a shower to relax.” You nodded, yawning. “And them, we’ll talk about what’s bothering you.”

“Nothing is bothering me. I really am just tired.” You said, walking to his bedroom.

“Uhm… Right.” He said, totally not buying what you were saying to him. “You can borrow some clothes if you want to.”

“Okay.” You pressed your lips together, looking around his clothes to find something to wear, but the whole ´place was a mess. “Tom, I can’t find anything in here.”

“Oh fuck, I forgot how messy I am.” He ran to get to you and looked around for some clean clothes, such as a big tshirt, sweatpants and some clean boxers. “I swear these are clean, they just aren’t as organized.”

“It’s okay.” You laughed and nodded, picking a towel that was folded in a corner and jumping into the bathroom.

A shower was all you needed. It was like the hot water was able to remove every bad thing from your body. Suddenly you were too tired, but still, all you wanted was to lie down and eat something. The house was filled with the smell of homemade food. The shower was quick, and soon you slipped into Tom’s comfortable clothes, that were much bigger than you. Slowly, you returned to the living room, finding Tom already serving your food.

“Uhm, this smells so nice.” You said, sitting in the couch and waiting for him to finish. 

“I tried a little something. I know it’s not something so great as when my brother Sam was visiting, but I still can cook for surviving.” He left the plate in front of you and went to get his.

“This is okay.” You tried it on, feeling the good and hot food on your mouth. 

“So, are you going to tell me why have you been feeling really down lately?” He asked, sitting next to you. You didn’t reply, but it was like he could understand your lack of words. “Is there something bothering you?”

“It’s just… I’m tired, and I don’t wanna talk about this, okay? Can we talk about something else?”

“Okay. Uhm, what about telling each other funny stories? That always light up people’s mood.” He suggested and you nodded. “So I’ll start, alright?”

“Make me laugh Thomas.”

“So, you know my friend Harrison?” You nodded and he chuckled. “He was sleeping with one of my neighbors one afternoon, and her grandmother arrived home right when they were doing it. He had to jump out the window and hide in a tree, completely naked! And I was the one that went saving him, but I almost died in laughter that day.” He was laughing so hard, that it made you laugh as well.

“Oh God. This is how much boy try to get laid. Just pathetic, but funny.” You pointed and ate some more.

“Now, your turn.” You thought about it for a while, but nothing popped on your head, nothing that would actually look interesting to him. “Come on, (Y/N)!”

“I don’t have anything interesting to tell you! Sorry.” You fell into an uncomfortable silence until you finished the pasta. “Tom, talk to me.”“No, not as long as you don’t talk to me. I talk to you about everything, and somehow I still don’t know anything about you, not even what’s bothering you.”

“Tom, I…”“It’s okay, really. Maybe we should just go to sleep.” He got up and walked to his bed, without turning back.

“Tom, please, can we talk?”

“If you want it. I’ve been asking you what’s wrong all night, but you don’t seem like you wanna talk to me about stuff. I’ve been feeling that stuff for a while, but I never told you because we never were so close or anything.” He shrugged and sat in bed. You sat in front of him, hugging your legs.

“I’m so sorry you were feeling this way about me.” You started, trying to look at his eyes, but he was looking away. “I swear I want to talk about everything with you, but I’m scared you won’t like me, just like the others don’t.”

“What? Everybody loves you (Y/N).”

“That’s not true.” You let a small tear escape, but quickly wiped it off. “I’ve heard during my entire career that I’m not good enough, and going through changes in my body only made things worse, and I’m worried you won’t like me as much as I want you to.”

“I already like you darling, and what you’re saying is just bullshit. You’re so talented, and so pretty, and I bet you have many good things to show, but you won’t let me in. I’ve told you everything about me, and my family, and friends, but I still don’t know much about you.”

“Can we start over?” You asked, making him look back to you, and you both found each other with tears in their eyes. “Hi, I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and I’m 23 years old, and I’m an only child, separated parents, I have body issues, and I’m not as confident with myself as I should, but I really like you, and I’m so glad that you’ve been treating me nicely, because you’re the first guy to do so, and I wanna open up to you this time, only if you promise not to completely abandon me after finding out the real me.”

“I cross my heart.” He searched for you hand, and your eyes, giving you a warm smile. “Just start by what’s bothering you.”

“She is an Oscar winner throwing things at my face everyday.” You admitted, and he nodded, tightening the grip on your hand. “She keeps reminding me that people only want me in their movies because of my body, and that everyone is saying that I changed because of that, and honestly it hurts so bad. I was try to overcome all of that, but it’s clearly taking the best and worst out of me.”

“I’m so sorry about Ella, but just so you know, I can feel that you’re amazing, and looks doesn’t matter. You know, I watched your first movie some day ago, and really, I thought you were even more beautiful back then. But I understand that you did it all to help you self-esteem, but I don’t think those mean things the media’s been saying about you are true, because you’re so funny and interesting, and you shouldn’t be afraid of being yourself.” He caressed your face, making you smile a little bit, feeling your heart warm up for the first time in a while. “And you deserve this role, and you deserve to be happy.

“Thank you Tom. I really appreciate that. And it feels really good to open up with you.” You smiled to him, giving full insurance to him that you were glad about everything that was happening.

“One more thing that’s not clear, but you told me that you really like me, and I was wondering if you really meant it.” He asked and you nodded, with an ashamed smile on your face. So you tried to hide it against his chest and he pulled you up. 

“God, I’m so embarrassed.” You mumbled against his chest and he held you, laughing hard.

“I really like you too.” He kissed the top of your held, making your heart almost explode. “And I like every version of you there is. And please, don’t hesitate on communicating. I wanna know everything about you.” You pulled back and left a smell peck on his lips. You kissed Tom many times on camera, but only a small kiss meant much more than all of those hot kisses for the movie.

“And you will, I promise. But right now, I need to sleep.” You yawned and he smiled, leaving another peck on your lips, pulling you down to bed.

“Come on, let’s rest, and we can talk tomorrow.” He brought her closer and adjusted himself to make you comfortable. “You okay?”

“Yes. Now I’m okay.” You mumbled with your eyes closed. “Good night Tom.”

“Good night, darling.”

…………………

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[thezodiaczone]

Pisces Compatibility

PISCES + ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 19) Aries is the zodiac's first sign, Pisces its last. You're the Alpha and the Omega, the dawn and the sunset. You're as far apart and as close together as two signs can get. Although your differences are vast, you also have a broad expanse of material from which to fashion your relationship. Your polar positions can actually make you a great match. Aries loves to be adored and spoiled, and generous Pisces will give everything in the name of love. In Pisces' worshipful gaze, Aries feels brilliant and boundless, and his insecurities melt away. This is important for the sensitive Ram, whose "wounded soldier" archetype is healed by the Pisces nurse. In this relationship, Aries is free to follow his natural hunting instincts; Pisces prepares a banquet from his conquests. The danger: You both have vivid imaginations, but with two dreamers at the helm of this romance, the ship can veer off course. Aries is a take-charge leader, but needs a strong second mate. Bravado and confidence don't come easy to insecure Pisces, who falls into feigned helplessness under duress. Moody spells are common for your signs, and digging yourselves out of emotional ditches can be a challenge. You'll need a council of advisors to help you manage aspects of daily life—accountants, lawyers, coaches, therapists. Aries can be naturally aggressive, where Pisces is passive or passive-aggressive. You'll need to adapt your communication styles in order to be heard.

PISCES + TAURUS (APRIL 20 - MAY 20) ♥♥♥♥ This is a lovely match of two pleasure-driven sensualists. Taurus is ruled by beauty planet Venus, and Pisces is governed by enchanting Neptune. You both love gourmet food, wine and culture, and you make a creative couple with sophisticated flair. You never run out of things to discuss, whether it's the latest New Yorker piece, art theory, or the obscure band both of you love. In the bedroom, the lusty Bull is happy to enact any fantasy that Pisces' boundless imagination conjures—and there will be many. Domestic bliss is assured, and your fussy decorating styles will match perfectly, much to your snobbish delight. For the long term, you'll need to regulate your energy with each other, or you can lapse into a master-and-servant dynamic. Passive-aggressive Pisces must become more assertive, and forceful Taurus should relax his domineering ways. At times, Pisces' secretive spells can cause fissures in the foundation, arousing suspicion in possessive Taurus. Even if what Pisces is hiding is inconsequential, the act itself destabilizes the relationship. Emotional manipulation infuriates the Bull, who prefers everything above board, and hates to be blindsided. However, Pisces can't always verbalize his complex feelings as quickly as Taurus demands. Too much forcefulness can intimidate the gentle Fish, sending him swimming into unreachable depths.

PISCES + GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUNE 20) You're both dual signs: Gemini is the Twins, and Pisces is symbolized by two Fish swimming in opposite directions. You're pop psychology's poster children for commitment-phobia. Are you in or are you out? It depends on the day, the mood, the cosmic alignment. Obviously, this is no way to run a relationship—but wait. Here's a golden chance to peer into love's looking glass and see your own shadowy Id mirrored back. Yes, your psyches and hang-ups are as bizarre as Alice's rabbit-hole tumble into Wonderland. Pisces, you really can be as needy, emotionally exhausting and manipulative as Gemini says. Gemini, you are indeed capable of being a double-talking, evasive ice-tyrant with a heart like polished marble. And…so what? If you can actually own your dark sides—which we all have—you're also capable of spreading tremendous light. You must negotiate your differences with transparent honesty, though. Pisces is an emotional Water sign; Gemini is an intellectual Air sign. Unless you balance the proportions, Gemini drowns in Pisces' undertow and the zodiac's Mermaid suffocates from breathing too much oxygen. Gemini must strive to connect emotionally, and Pisces will need to lighten up. Perennial dissatisfaction is also a killer. Don't say you want something, then refuse to be happy when your partner provides it. Gratitude is an intimate act: it requires you to acknowledge that your partner can reach you, a vulnerable place. Two words to save your relationship: "Thank you" and "You're right."

PISCES + CANCER (JUNE 21 - JULY 22) ♥♥♥♥ You're a pair of softies underneath it all, even if the world sees a hard Crab shell or a tough, scaly Fish. Alone with each other, your compatible Water signs are as tender as can be. You're both compassionate and nurturing, soothing each other with sustenance and sensitivity. There's nothing a stick of butter, cookies made from scratch, or a nice after-dinner cordial by the fire can't solve. Romantic and sensual, you love to pipe classical music through the sound system, light the candelabras and whip up a gourmet feast side-by-side. Hours of kissing and foreplay will follow. Though your relationship is a refuge, it can also become a fishbowl that limits your growth. You absorb each other's fluctuating moods like a sponge, so get out of the aquarium-for-two. With your refined sensibilities, you're excellent patrons of the arts, so head to museums, gallery openings, concerts, and dance performances. Fling open your doors for dinner parties that toast an artistic friend, an esteemed poet, or a relative's good news. This satisfies your nurturing instincts, and invites new energy into your space. You must both learn when to let go of grudges, since you can be passive-aggressive and play the victim when your feelings are hurt. Slammed doors, sulking and brooding must stop. Don't excuse bad behavior with psychobabble, either (e.g., "When you said that, it reminded me of how my mother couldn't love"). Grow up, will you? If you've been cruel, simply say "I'm sorry" and offer a long hug. The power of touch can heal anything between you, too.

PISCES + LEO (JULY 23 - AUGUST 22) Your signs are very different, but you can eventually gel into a lasting relationship. Pisces is a flowy, sensitive Water sign who needs a decisive mate. Confident Leo, a Fire sign, is a natural leader, eager to rule the relationship. Because Pisces takes longer to articulate his needs, Leo could mistakenly assume he's got the upper hand, and that Pisces is content to follow. Not so fast. In your own ways, you both wear your hearts on your sleeve, but you need to tune into each other's sensitive spots. You're incredibly romantic, and the tender passion between you is great in the beginning. However, you may hit a dry spell when it's time to get truly intimate.

Secretive Pisces feels so vulnerable when his soul is exposed, and may lash out at Leo in an unconscious reaction to the Lion's strength—for example, criticizing Leo's appearance, weight or intelligence. These cruel barbs are actually just a projection of Pisces' own self-doubt, but they plunge a thorn in the Lion's paw no less. Pisces must work through the tedious knots of his insecurities, which lay deep in his psyche. Leo is a powerhouse who can run the show with his eyes closed, but he'll do best to step aside and give the Fish his chance to shine. Shy Pisces is a true creative force, but his brilliant imagination and keen intuition can be eclipsed by showy Leo. Work through this. Luxury is a weakness for your signs, and you love to indulge. You may need to take courses on money management together, or team up to make a fortune so you never have to worry about it.

PISCES + VIRGO (AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22) ♥♥♥♥ Virgo and Pisces are two of the most powerful healers in the zodiac. Virgo is an Earth sign, clinical and data-driven, always there with a practical answer and a helping hand. Water-sign Pisces has emotional compassion, the ability to empathize and absorb other people's pain. You're opposite signs: Virgo is the doctor; Pisces is the nurse. You can teach each other a lot, doing much good on the planet along the way. Virgo is the zodiac's giver, performing acts of selfless service (Mother Theresa is a Virgo). However, it's hard for Virgo to receive, since he views "neediness" as a weakness in himself. Enter Pisces, ruler of the zodiac's receptive twelfth house. The Fish knows how to surrender boundaries and allow people's energy to flow in. Pisces teaches Virgo that accepting love is a generous and selfless act. It opens the door for others to be their greatest selves, to discover their power through contributing.

At times, Pisces' emotional nature can overwhelm Virgo, leaving him ungrounded. You both need doses of solitude to reconnect with your souls. Writing, playing music (especially classical compositions or Gregorian chants), painting and creativity is healing to you both. This relationship also brings out your spiritual sides. Meditation, yoga and metaphysical study can open up great psychic channels. These practices also prevent unhealthy addictions, which your easily-stressed signs may adopt as a means of self-medicating. Watch out for secretive tendencies, which you both have as a result of perfectionism and insecurity. Communicate openly, or air your "shameful" skeletons to a confidante—otherwise, you'll beat yourselves up unnecessarily, causing distance in the relationship.

PISCES + LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22) Drifting into a dappled dreamscape of your own imagination, your poetic souls entwine against astrological odds. Libra is an Air sign and Pisces is a Water sign; together you can stir a gentle sea breeze or drown in your own sexual tsunami. But oh, the romance is worth it. Like any good bodice-ripper, there's passion, intrigue and mystique to spice up this storyline. You can get lost for days in a decadent meal, a gorgeous sonata, each other's luminous eyes. While the cynics gag, they secretly envy your enchanted, oxytocin-addled bliss. Living in a fantasy is fun for your signs, and gratification eclipses all boundaries and structures. Another Sancerre, an hour less sleep—it can all be justified in the name of pleasure. It's when reality steps in that things get hairy. After waking past noon in your umpteenth limb-and-linen tangle, you remember that pesky paycheck, your stuffed Inbox, the unopened mail. Oops. Hung over and wholly unequipped to deal with the overwhelm, you lash out at each other. Without outside contact and obligations to anchor you, you can both descend into bouts of moodiness, indulgence and even depression. Balance—the Libra catchphrase—must be practiced early on.

PISCES + SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21) ♥♥♥♥ You're both "spiritual beings having a human experience," Finding an equally sensitive, divinely connected soulmate feels like coming home. Scorpio and Pisces are compatible artistes who love music, drama and romance. Like a lighthouse for two ships adrift on the emotional high seas, your relationship is an anchor and a haven. However, it's not immune to the turbulence caused by your secretive, Water sign natures. Emotional withdrawal is a self-protective act you've both honed over the years, but this tactic backfires when used against each other. The trick is learning to catch a bad mood when it starts, then processing the feelings instead of lashing out. Once the righteous anger and wounded egos kick in, you're like two runaway trains waging a war of domination and submission. Scorpio control tussles with Pisces guilt, Scorpio withholding wrestles Pisces evasion, and so on. Yet, you both want the same thing: a partner who inspires absolute, unshakeable trust with a money-back guarantee. What you need to learn is how to give it before you get it. To adapt the saying, be the change you want to see in your partner. It will keep you together for lifetimes.

PISCES + SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21) What happens when the most sensitive, tender-hearted sign (Pisces) links up with the most insensitive, tactless sign (Sagittarius)? Disaster, unless you handle each other with extreme care. Romantic Pisces is a Water sign who craves deep emotional bonding, while independent Sag is a Fire sign who feels smothered by too much of the touchy-feelies. You'll need to balance your most distinctive traits and parcel them out in measured doses. Your communication styles don't work together naturally either. Sagittarius is honest to a fault, dishing the unvarnished truth and heavy-handed advice (usually unsolicited), then whistling while Pisces weeps. Indirect Pisces would rather flee to Katmandu than face conflict, but standing up to Sagittarius requires it. Pisces is prone to passive-aggressive tactics; yet, subtle cues and hints will sail right over Sag's head, while the Archer's arrow of truth spears the Fish's heart. What do you have in common? You're both skittish about commitment—namely, the terrifying idea of being "trapped." Since Pisces rules fantasy and Sagittarius rules adventure, you can neatly escape the daily drudge together—at least until reality comes crashing down. Still, life is always tinged with magic when you're together, and the bedroom remains an enchanting space of divine communion for you.

PISCES + CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19) On the surface, you might seem like an odd match—imagine a Harvard MBA in Armani dating a paint-splattered artist in Oshkosh. Yet, your signs pair well, even if you don't want to admit it. With classic good looks and a dutiful nature, Capricorn fits neatly into the system. Pisces is a flowy Fish who excels at playing the the artsy rebel, the indie darling, the adorable mess. By comparison, Capricorn seems structured and regimented—but appearances deceive. While Pisces may delight in coloring outside the neat lines Capricorn draws, the real surprise is that Capricorn is the bigger freak behind closed doors. Capricorn has a dominant, even cruel streak that can play out in the bedroom (not that submissive Pisces doth protest). Leather, whips and kinky fun—it's all fair game. You both love to find lesser-known wine, music, and art, a pride yourself on having cultivated tastes. Together, you can traverse the tony uptown spaces to the lowbrow dives, discovering cultural jewels wherever you go. Your diverse strengths could make you great business partners, too. Open a gallery, with Pisces as curator and Capricorn as financial backer.

PISCES + AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18) Old and new come together in an interesting combination. Pisces is an ancient velvet boudoir with dripping candles and fainting couches; Aquarius is a modern, steel-and-glass construction heated by solar panel. Yet, this strange match can work if it's built around a shared cause or passion. You're both die-hard humanitarians, and if you share a common vision, you'll stay together for life. Pisces is a Water sign, more emotional and complex in nature than Aquarius. Contrary to myth, Aquarius is an Air sign (not Water), though it's symbolized by the water-bearer holding an urn. The lighter Aquarian touch lifts Pisces out of the murky, depressive swamp, while enchanting Pisces adds tassels and trim to Aquarius' cold, clinical reality. You both morbidly fear being trapped in a boring, conventional commitment. Since you can never really figure each other out, the attraction stays strong. A little mystery will keep you fascinated, though too much (ahem, Pisces) will make the relationship way too much work for Aquarius.

PISCES + PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20) You love each other; you love each other not. Pisces is denoted by two fish swimming in opposite directions—one toward security, the other to freedom. Such tender bait is a fellow Fish who's equal parts commitment-phobe and serial monogamist! As partners in paradox, you'll play nursemaid, Shiatsu-ist, and sous chef to one another, doting until it hurts. Then, of course, comes the Great Escape—intimacy overload strikes, but you feel too "guilty" to ask for a night off from gazing into each other's eyes as some angsty singer-songwriter pipes through the iPod. Instead, you fly into a passive-aggressive panic, turning on each other vis a vis a good self-flogging. "It's not you, it's me," you call over your shoulder as the door shuts behind you (read: "I'm too gutless to demand better foreplay"). "I'm such an awful person—you deserve better," Pisces laments (translation: "You suck"). The real problem isn't your chemistry, it's that you're both so damn indirect. Communication is the 101 cornerstone of a lasting relationship, and if you keep walking on eggshells, you'll end up resentful, depressed (anger turned inward) or eventually exploding with rage. With the right prescriptions, a good therapist and maybe a couples' karate class (think: the socially-sanctioned chop to his midsection that you've been dying to deliver), you can swim together like happy little minnows forever.

[deliciousscaloppine]

More Valentine’s Day goodies: A love letter to all the writers who have been reading my stories

And want to find out more about storytelling and how I do some a little more advanced things in stories I have already published.

First of all I always leave polishing the prose of a story for last, so in many of my fanfics the prose is not very good, because I usually post fanfiction as it comes to me - basically I type it down and hit publish when I am too tired to go on. 

I leave prose for last for various reasons: According to the perspective from which you narrate a story, certain segments might need to be written with linguistic quirks particular to characters, and character state - this means things like a character’s age or if they are aging through the plot so their perspective matures and their vocabulary changes- which also should happen if they are distressed, sad, happy, or their memory is affected e.t.c.  Also sometimes you the author as a narrator might also be a character, who has linguistic particularities (very common in children’s books.)

So usually you get a complete image of the characters after you finish writing the first draft and start revising to make everything more crisp and understandable to the reader. That’s when you start building the language of the story as well. So the prose is finalized at the very final stage for me, when everything is pretty set and has to be highlighted both reasonably and aesthetically.

Don’t be evil anymore  

A story I am incredibly pleased with and if I changed things, it would be just some sentence restructuring, polishing some prose, adding some units of meaning I have omitted...because i couldn’t be bothered to write them at the time (lol), and also add some minor plot scenes. Perhaps even expanding Meilin’s importance, and adding an ending with Huaisang’s death from old age.

What did I want to write, what I wrote:

I wanted to write a story about a person who has been injured by their own wrongdoing, and has lost in a sense their internal morality, and now lost in grief they fear that they will fall from grace. I also wanted this to be a story where the main character is punished for the mistake they made, but in a very unlikely way the punishment leads to their salvation, and ultimately they are saved by the very enemy they destroyed. So in many ways the enemy is a mirror, and also the alter ego of the protagonist. 

Why did I choose Huaisang as a vehicle to tell this story:

I was intrigued by the fact that he has to basically invent a new type of cultivation for his clan if he wants his house to survive. So I began thinking that he would probably turn to the tenets of Buddhism to do so, mainly inspired by the infinity knot he has on his fan, and how his and his family’s storyline are basically a closed loop of suffering that he would have to be somehow enlightened in order to break free of. And this enlightenment would come from perceiving the suffering of the world around him as the same thing that fueled his own tragedy. 

Story structure

Basically a spiral, where a mistake is repeated and amplified with each turn of the story. The repetitive style of each arc mirrors the loop the character is stuck into. The repetition is the fixed variable in a problem the character is called to solve. Moving through each stage the character acquires more and more information in the form of experience in order to deduct the other variables. So this creates a sense of advancement and of unseen internal work that happens within the character and changes them for the better - makes them more resilient, more in tune with their desires, and more ready to tackle difficult problems and tragedies. It basically generates interior action, which brings the character to life.

Nameless characters as storytelling tools

A lot of character growth in the protagonist is motivated by friction generated with the other nameless, minor characters. All these people like the matchmaker, the servant and brothel girl, the boatman, the abbot’s assistant, act as mirrors who bounce back to the protagonist an accurate image of his self as he is when he meets them. They all have their judgements and assessments of the young man who moves through their world generating internal resistance in Huaisang. He basically has to decide not to be as others see him, which is a major step in composing a new more resilient personality and his own internal code of conduct.

Named minor characters as demands posited by the plot. 

In order for the protagonist’s journey to be finalized he has to meet the demands of the story I am writing - because he is the vehicle of the story. The named characters are the ones who are going to posit to him the demands of the plot, and gauge his evolution according to my writing standards. They are basically checkpoints of his growth. Each demands something different from him, but they all give him the key to break from the loop of suffering. He has to detach himself from them, but in a way that leaves them intact to continue on their own journey - even the twin Rusongs, they die having completed their mission without generating resentment and that’s when the protagonist is finally liberated from his own suffering as well.

This is a story that is very sturdy and ready to receive a lot of philosophical stress, and can grow in this direction if I wanted to develop it further because it does not offer easy answers to the reader, but creates reasonable expectations in them that they in turn question. So both reader and story have a satisfying and nuanced rapport. Whether it can develop into something great is wholly reliant on the further research I as a writer have to do in being informed about the religious and cultural aspects of what I wrote, so I can generate more questions for the reader, and more problems for the character to solve.   

The motivating problem.

In this case it has a name. It’s name is Meng Yao. Huaisang mainly suffers because he destroyed someone who was so like him, and so he fears reasonably that he will destroy himself - like members of his clan are wont to do quite often. So in a broader sense self-destruction, in a narrower sense, the destruction of a loved one for reasons that go beyond the interpersonal. 

Every named character is a chance for the main character to process the loved one and keep them present in the plot through recollection. The main character has to see his own dysfunction repeated in Meng Yao so that he can conclude that there is something intrinsically wrong with the world that produces problems like these. The Peony Prince, Meilin, Chun’er, and the twin Rusongs, not only  work as aspects of Meng Yao, but also as traps for Huaisang to fall into and accept that he indeed committed evil, so that he can see how this is connected to a more broad pattern, linked to his inevitable end if he does not attain enlightenment. 

We are basically pushing (bullying really) the character to have a breakthrough. 

[itsclydebitches]

Oscar Pine: Treatment and Characterization in Volume Six

It’s Friday! Which means I get to spend my time writing meta if I so choose. Today’s topic is Oscar. Specifically the question posed by @dreanner95 on another post of mine: “How have the characters in the show treated Oscar badly?” (Full asks are at the end of the meta.) I’ve covered this topic at length in my episode recaps, but I want to pull everything together into one post, both for easy, future access---here’s the answer to this question!---as well as to put the whole of it into perspective. Because as we’ll see in a moment, Oscar’s treatment is something slow and perpetual. You’ve got to take it all into account to understand just how badly things are going for him.

To start, though this meta is focused on the material of Volume Six, it’s worth pointing out something from Volume Five. Namely that Oscar isn’t an integrated part of the team yet. Volume Five is easy-going material compared to Volume Six. A whole lot of hanging out around the house as opposed to stressful, traumatic encounters with baddies. Meaning, that was the perfect time to start incorporating Oscar into the main group, but that didn’t happen very much. Not to the extent we need it to. Because Oscar isn’t just Oscar anymore, he’s Oscar housing Ozpin, and it’s Ozpin who bears the focus of everyone’s attention (a problem that becomes exacerbated in Volume Six). The vast majority of Oscar’s scenes feature Ozpin speaking, or are about Oscar’s new relationship with Ozpin, or are more generally about the war and how to prepare for it---see the training scene where Oscar is struggling to learn the basics of combat. For the most part Oscar is not at the center of anyone’s attention, Ozpin is, with the exception being Ruby’s talk with him downstairs. There Ozpin keeps quiet to let the two work out their grief and fears, making it one of the most powerful moments of the volume. But it’s not nearly enough. I’ve spoken before about how we don’t know much of anything about Oscar. Unlike the other characters who all embody details that help us to see them as well-rounded individuals---Yang loves making jokes and her bike, Blake is a bibliophile and invested in faunus rights, Jaune still wears a Pumpkin Pete sweatshirt and trains at night with Pyrrha’s video, etc.---three volumes in and Oscar is still defined almost exclusively by that moment when Ozpin slammed into his head and everything that has happened since then. No hobbies, no dreams, no talk of his family... we’re given only one, narrow lens to view him through. Which doesn’t just make it more difficult for the audience to become invested in him, but difficult for the other characters as well. Oscar doesn’t join the group during their bonding dinner. With the exception of Ruby, he doesn’t get to form strong ties with them. He’s the outsider here, the one person who doesn’t have a year of Beacon friendship and life or death missions to draw on, and it shows. Because though the cast clearly loves him (more on that later) his outsider status remains, making it really easy for the others to dismiss him, hurt him, or shrug him off when things start getting tough. Because he’s not really one of them. This isn’t Jaune with Ozpin stuck in his head. Or Ruby. Or Yang. It’s just Oscar, the random kid who appeared on our doorstep one day, joined our group when we never asked, and who we still know next to nothing about even after three volumes of material. The characters just don’t care about him as much as they do the core group, even though at this point they should, setting up a situation wherein he becomes expendable. Especially when everyone is focused on getting back at Ozpin. They’re willing to hurt Oscar to get at Ozpin in a way I don’t think they’d be comfortable with if it was anyone else. If Nora had Ozpin stuck in her head? No one would be assaulting her or saying she’s doomed to just be his meatsuit her whole life. They’d defend and support her in ways no one is willing to do for the literal child of the group. Because no one has been given the chance to get to know the kid and come to truly care for him. 

So let’s rehash what the group actually does to Oscar over the course of Volume Six.

To start, there is that ongoing sense that he has no place in this group. Oscar exists only as a vessel for Ozpin. When everyone is waiting for the train the focus in clearly on team dynamics. “I know you’re worried, Weiss, but trust us. Team RWBY won’t leave your side for a second!” Yang and Ruby are interacting as sisters. Nora and Ren are interacting as a couple. There’s a clear division between RWBY and JNR visually, with the former on the right side of the screen and the latter on the left. 

Oscar sits sort of between both, not speaking, not being spoken to until Ozpin makes a joke about the train goons hopefully not being from Beacon. Then Oscar expands on the humor and gets a round of appreciative nods. That’s it though. On the train Team RWBY and their Uncle Qrow all make plans to play video games. We know Team JNR was hanging out because they all arrive together when trouble starts. Meanwhile, we find Oscar in a cabin full of random people. He’s not spending time with or being invited to either group here. He’s just got Ozpin. Ozpin who is the focus of everyone’s attention. When the others arrive Jaune immediately asks, “What’s going on?” and it’s pretty clear the question is directed at Ozpin, not Oscar. Because Oscar just insisted that he wanted to keep control, but now he’s fumbling. He doesn’t know what’s going on and now here Jaune is (unintentionally) reminding him of that. He’s a farm boy, not a huntsmen. Certainly not the huntsmen either. Everyone wants Ozpin around to fix things and if there’s nothing to fix? You don’t need to stay.

It’s a dynamic that’s going to repeat throughout the volume, starting at the farm house. Ruby will go off with Weiss, Blake will go off with Yang... and everyone is going to leave Oscar to stay behind with Maria, doing nothing and being babied. 

Team RWBY will go retrieve the relic. Oscar can once again stay behind and figure out how to fix their transportation. Because Qrow will be busy drinking. 

And then again in “Dead End,” which I’ll get to below.

After the train we have the punch scene and I’m not sure how else to explain to people how not okay this is. I don’t care how high emotions were. Oscar is bearing the brunt of Ozpin’s (perceived) sins in a truly horrendous manner. He’s intimidated, screamed at, chucked into a tree. Keep in mind this is the body that only started figuring out aura a few weeks ago and we’re shown straight out that Qrow’s punch, a punch from an incredibly powerful huntsmen, hurt like hell. The second Ozpin leaves Oscar is wincing and touching his cheek.

What stands out to me is not that the cast is human and makes mistakes and loses their temper---because obviously all those things are valid---but rather that we see throughout the course of Volume Six that no one is willing to acknowledge, let alone act on, the fact that Oscar is a victim of circumstance. No one calls Qrow out on hitting the innocent kid along with the guy he’s mad at. No one tries to calm things down so that Oscar isn’t shouldering their tempers when he’s done nothing wrong. Everyone is happy to vent their anger and fears on him because he’s convenient. Case in point, even with Ozpin gone Yang is still screaming in his face. She doesn’t care if that’s Ozpin or Oscar. Same body, no difference.

No one cares enough about Oscar as an individual to question how their actions might hurt him along with Ozpin. They don’t care enough about him as an individual, period. With the knowledge that Ozpin is truly gone for the moment, the group segues into ignoring him. Oscar is in the process of breaking down right in front of them---grabbing his hair, yelling about how he needs it all to stop---but the group talks over him, jumping straight to panic about what they’ll do now that Ozpin has left. Oscar is no longer functioning as their go-between. He’s useless, he looks like a man they hate, and he doesn’t have that emotional connection to the group. So why do they care that he’s having a breakdown? They don’t. Imagine if this was literally anyone else in the cast. The group would be all comfort and sympathy. Instead, we’re given a shot that could easily be from Oscar’s perspective. His entire identity is falling apart and all he’s given in response to that is Weiss looming over him, still talking about Ozpin, still only worrying about how this all effects them. A ‘them’ Oscar isn’t fully a part of. 

It’s a problem that Ruby tries to address by giving him back his cane, but Qrow undermines that like whoa.

I shouldn’t have to establish how utterly horrible this is. The adult telling the child, ‘No. You’re not your own person. Get over it. I’m a good guy for telling you the hard truth.’ It’s made even worse by Ruby’s silence. She doesn’t challenge Qrow’s words. Her sad expression conveys that she agrees with him---her earlier words were indeed “lies”---and Oscar is left to walk away, once again without any support. What little he was offered was wrenched away from him by an authority figure. Throughout "The Coming Storm” we see just how isolated he is. He walks at the very back of the group, away from everyone else. He looks terrified entering the house, re-emphasizing that he’s not a trained huntsmen like the rest of the group and was never given a choice about adopting this life. When he helps Blake and Weiss move the dresser in front of the door, they hold a short conversation over his head. As Ruby approaches the pictures on the wall, we hear Oscar theorizing about how this room is a study or a library, but no one answers him. Then, as said, they all split and leave Oscar behind, despite the fact that he’s the first to back Ruby’s plan to look for supplies. On their own none of these details necessarily mean anything, but put together they paint a bleak picture---and one that I am personally familiar with. I’ve been in groups where I’m clearly the outsider and this is precisely how I’m inclined to act: try to be helpful even when it goes ignored, try to start conversations even when no one answers. You just keep trying because what else can you do? You feel horribly awkward, but it’s better than accepting that no one wants to interact with you. 

Note that all of this is a direct parallel to what we get in “Dead End.” Both moments begin with Oscar trying to help the group, first by giving them a means of accessing the secrets they so desperately want---“Say her name to summon her”---here by starting a pep-talk when Ruby is unable to. “Look, none of this is great, we know,” Oscar says. “But we’re not the bad guys here.” To which Jaune responds with, “Are we sure about that?” Now, suddenly, Oscar isn’t just the bystander who happens to be hurt along the way. He is the immediate victim here. All the dialogue is directed to and about Oscar, blaming him and putting the responsibility on his shoulders: “He’s in your head isn’t he?” “Did you already know about this?” “How much longer can we even trust him?” “How do we even know it’s really him?”

We have another physical assault, this time with Jaune slamming Oscar against the wall and shaking him. 

Weiss, Yang, and Ruby yell out, but none of them make a move to stop him. Everyone just stands there, allowing Jaune to do as he pleases. In the past year people have been very uncomfortable with me referring to the group as kids or children, insisting that real life markers of adulthood (hitting 18) trumps their lack of experience and emotional instability. These are adults, Clyde. Okay then. Let’s work with that. This is an adult attacking a child. For the second time in as many days. We have now twice seen an adult use a 14yo as an emotional and literal punching bag, doing whatever they please to the real life equivalent of a middle schooler.

And once again, no one cares. Oscar was just attacked again, he flinches when Jaune walks past, and the first words out of anyone’s mouth are worry for Jaune. Not the kid who just dealt with a much bigger, much stronger, much older man taking his anger out on him. Not the kid who is standing right there and listening to where everyone’s loyalties lie. Oscar learns fully in this moment that when push comes to shove, he’s never going to be anyone’s priority.

We see the split in teams again. “I think it would be best if we had some time to ourselves,” Ren says, clearly talking about Team JNR since they’re all going upstairs together. Team RWBY is left in the living room... with Oscar outside of that.

So he leaves.

Which is when the writing shows us its priorities too. Oscar is housing the most important character in this entire war and, like it or not, he’s supposed to be a part of the team now. If there was ever a time to provide him with space to grow and to give the audience insight into who he is outside of Ozpin’s influence, this was it. Ozpin is conveniently quiet. The group has driven him away. We have a two week hiatus implying a major episode when we come back. Anything could happen, from Oscar getting kidnapped and coming into some power, to him working through his issues and deciding why the hell he should stay with a group that doesn’t need him and clearly doesn’t want him. Instead, we get another episode about Jaune and EVERY bit of potential character development for Oscar happens off screen. All we learn is that Oscar went shopping. Oh, and cooked them dinner.

Notice that Oscar is desperate to prove himself useful; to do things in the hope that it will earn him some form of praise and acceptance. Jaune yells about how I’m a liar and not to be trusted? I get thrown around and no one cares enough to check up on me? That’s fine. I’m gonna give them space, not kick up a fuss, make a nice meal for everyone to come home to... Oscar can’t stick up for himself because if doing nice things---helping you get Ozpin’s secrets, trying to cheer everyone up, etc.---results in violence, what the hell would they do if he actually got mad at them? No, no, no, I’ll just keep being calm, perfect Oscar.

Yes, Jaune apologies for his behavior, but notably Oscar interrupts him and tries to justify it. I’m worried about the same things too, so it’s totally okay that you expressed those fears the way you did. I’m the expendable one. 

It gets even worse when Oscar starts speaking as if he has a terminal illness. Once again he’s buying into the idea that he’s no one now, existing only to ferry Ozpin’s soul, and like out in the snow this idea isn’t challenged by anyone. This exchange boils down to, ‘I’m convinced I’m going to cease to exist so I’ll just keep helping you all as much as possible until I’m gone.’ Oscar is making the claim that helping them---being the good outsider who makes them meals and promises not to worry them again, despite the fact that they’re the ones who drove him off in the first place---is all he's good for now. 

And what’s the group’s response to this? 

Along with a whole bunch of smiles. 

Combined with their overall treatment, this reads as horrendously alarming. Why worry too much about how you’re treating Oscar when Oscar is destined to die, merge, whatever? He’s literally theorizing about a scenario where one day the group won’t have to deal with him anymore, but until then he’ll be as helpful as he can. It’s an easy out for them. Yay! We won’t lose the Ozpin vessel who we technically still need, but now he says we don’t have to worry about his trauma anymore. Those pesky things like terror over his identity are being buried and the problem is that no one is inclined to challenge that. A few days after Qrow claims he’s not his own person, Oscar announces, ‘You know what? He’s right. I’m not. So I’ll just be useful until I disappear.’ And everyone is happy with that new plan. No one cares enough about Oscar to push back against this passiveness, to worry about his mental health, even just to express grief that they may one day lose him. There’s so much concern and care shown among the group, from the big (everyone supporting Yang through her PTSD) to the small (Blake finding an extra blanket for Weiss). But twice now we’ve seen Oscar breaking in front of an audience and no one bats an eye. Twice we’ve seen him harmed and no one cares. The rest of the time he’s barely acknowledged at all. Not unless he’s making himself known and that, as we’ve seen, is dangerous.  

I mentioned way at the start that the concept of the group loving Oscar would come back into play. In short, I think you can love someone---or convince yourself you love someone---and still treat them like shit. The group might be “worried sick” when something major happens to Oscar like a disappearance, but on a day-to-day basis they treat him pretty horribly. They care about his physical safety, but not his emotional or mental well being. He’s not truly a part of their teams, he’s constantly conflated with Ozpin, his fears about losing his identity are reinforced multiple times, and there’s now a pattern of the group using him as an emotional and physical outlet when it proves convenient for them. Could they treat him worse than this? Yeah, of course, but they could treat him a whole lot better too. For me, Nora giving a big “OSCAR!” hug or Blake exchanging pleasantries on the farmhouse steps doesn’t mean a thing when, during more significant moments, they don’t stick up for him. Not when he’s being physically assaulted, not when others are emotionally harming him, not when Oscar himself basically announces that he’s accepted a death sentence. The group loves Oscar... but it’s highly conditional. If they love someone else more (like Jaune) or hate someone else enough (like Ozpin) then he’s going to suffer for it. Oscar is not enough of a member of the group for them to ever prioritize and sadly it doesn’t look like that’s going to change anytime soon.

***

[linkspooky]

Hey, I’ve been reading a lot of your BNHA metas, (they’re all absolutely awesome btw) and I was wondering about two things, what kind of mental illness do you think Shigaraki has? And I read a post somewhere that speculated that he might have suffered a tbi when his father hit him with the tree sheers, do you think that might be true?

Hello anon, thank you for your ask! 

I will try to answer your questions the best I can, however beforehand I think it’s important to note that I don’t really like diagnosing characters outside of like specific examples where the authors tell us this is the disease they were attempting to portray, or headcanons. Shigaraki clearly shows signs of mental illness, but I don’t think Horikoshi writes characters by looking up a list of symptoms in the DSM and then writing them based on that. 

Also yes, the two clearest examples of mental Illness (Shigaraki, Twice) are both villains but I have faith that the mental illness of Shigaraki is an instance where it’s used to humanize him and show how much of a victim of a system both characters are, rather than just to give the villain traits that are abnormal and therefore creepy and dangerous. 

I can’t give you a specific dianogisis but I can give you a more in depth look at several symptoms that Shigaraki displays. 

Excoriation 

Excoriation disorder is an obsessive-compulsive spectrum mental disorder that is characterized by the repeated urge or impulse to pick at one’s own skin to the extent that either psychological or physical damage is caused. In Shigaraki’s case it’s clearly a stress response that is aggravated the more violent, unstable or dangerous a situation he is put into. 

Which is why I find claims that Shigaraki is content with violence, or likes being a killer and is comfortable living this way to be false. Because Shigaraki’s own body constantly rejects him. He feels a compuslive need to scratch and harm himself because his body cannot handle the stress of being violent. It’s a stress response because Shigaraki does not actually on some level want to be doing these things, and living in a constant state of stress and harm makes him more compelled to vent his stress by following his compulsions. 

The compulsion he feels can sometimes get so bad that in childhood he was rolling around the floor, crying and frantically scratching his whole body. This is not what All for One said and him holding back his urge to kill, but rather Shigaraki responding to the stress. Shigaraki is seven and was put in front of two homeless people who were threatening to harm him and he already came from a physically abusive household. He’s in unbelievable stress with no healthy way of venting it, and thereofre he compulsively self harms. 

GAME TALK

In general Shigaraki uses a lot of game talk. This is not so much a symptom of mental illness necessarily as it is a coping mechanism, but the goal is for Shigaraki to distance himself from reality. Basically it’s a mechanism for rgaining control because if you imagine life as just one big game where you are the player, you feel much more in control then some random kid who lost his family in a freak accident then got picked up by a super villain. Gamespeak is also a way of being deeply impersonal with the situation, in case it goes bad Shigaraki can say it’s just game over. It’s a layer of distance between him and reality, like I said, escapism to cope. His insistence of using game terminology for everything could also be seen as a “special interest” but once again that depends on your intepretation Shigaraki shows a whole cluster of symptoms that overlap with a lot of things. 

HIGH ATTENTION TO DETAIL

Shigaraki in a fight where he and AIzawa are jumping around trying to kill each other, Shigaraki is able to notice a detail as minute as when the hair falls over Aizawa’s eyes it stops, and also that his quirk was weakening because the tiny seconds long windows were getting shorter and shorter. 

This is an extremely small detail to notice. Hyper-sensitizing, or hyper-attention to detail is another sign of mental illness, because usually the brain filters out superfluous details like this because otherwise noticing everything in that fine detail would overwhelm the senses. 

Immaturity 

Shigaraki is completely unable to handle his negative emotions like a well-rounded adult. Though, I dislike how All Might and the others phrase it in this discussion because it is a pretty ablist description (downright sick in the head, a toddler’s sense of feeling like he can do whatever he wants). (the ablist part is that they’re using symptoms of his clear mental illness to dehumanize him.)

Regardless, Shigaraki of course does act like a man child, constantly talking about games, giving up easily, not having the patience to converse with others especially in situations he does not want to be in, throwing tantrums. 

Children who are abused and neglected especially to the extreme extent that Shigaraki has, show long term developmental (that is term for the process of growing into a full adult) and behavioral problems. To the point where some studies have shown even the brain’s chemistry is permanently effected and the brain grows differently. 

Children need a stable environment, and also positive role models for what adults act like to grow into full fledged adults, Shigaraki had neither of those. In fact he was also raised almost entirely outside of society except for the first five years of his life, so there is also no outside influence on his upbringing as well, which is why he is like a child, egocentric, unable to handle his emotions, because mentally he was never given the chance to develop past one. 

ISOLATION

This is something that Shigaraki showed at the start of the series, but also has shown to develop past. At first he never left his room and from the several trash bags it’s quite obvious he spent long periods of time in there without taking care of himself or the environment around him in any significant way. 

Shigaraki is no longer isolating as a result of having gotten closer to the league, he is basically available to them at all times and does not shut them off in any significant way. Which in this quick tangent we can also talk about symptoms Shigaraki does not have. Shigaraki is able to read a room pretty clearly, and knows how to hide himself in a crowd enough to keep Deku hostage with no trouble at all, and even leave the scene with Uraraka there without provoking her into attacking him or tipping her off what he was doing right away. Shigaraki is fairly competent at reading other people and he does have social skills so he’s not like someone who never sees the light of day or cannot interact with others and is clueless on how people think. 

He’s also shown to be capable of making emotional connections with other people, and also of being considerate to those people’s needs. Which also shows that Shigaraki is capable of communication and also has an awareness of the feelings of other people and the ability to empathize, he is just choosy about who he makes connections with. He is definitely not someone unable to form an emotional connection with another person. 

Shigaraki also shows a pretty flagrant disregard for all social norms, but that can be a result of being raised outside of society all of his life.

Shigaraki also likes to piss people off on purpose, almost like he is testing their boundaries and what he can get away with the same way a child playing around might.

Dissociation

We have seen Shigaraki experience Dissociation in both senses of the word. First we have seen him physically detach himself from his feelings, and his own body in the middle of a fight and still continue on in a fugue-like state. 

He experiences dissociation in the sense of the word meaning periods of detachment to your body, drifting away from your consciousness, severe feelings of alienation from himself, extreme difficulty concentrating or holding focus to the moment, his perception of both time and the area around him slipping to levels that are borderline hallucinogenic. 

Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.

Shigaraki also displays traits of what is more classicly known as Dissasociative identity disord. He has two names, and clearly considers the life of Shimura Tenko to be separate from Shigaraki Tomura for a long time at the start of the manga. It might not be full on DID, but he at least dissociated his memories away from himself long enough that he forgot all of them like those memories belonged to another person, not Shigaraki but rather Tenko. 

Shigaraki also foils Twice pretty heavily who developed actual dissociatve identity disord. He even shares similiar symptoms of speaking to himself when he speaks to the hand of “father”. I am not saying he has full on DID like I said I’m not diagnoising just that he displays several symptoms of it. He also came from an abusive household at an incredibly young age, which is where DID most commonly manifests. 

Shigaraki also shows signs of flashbacks when his memories return at inconvenient times during fights when direclty exposed to violence, or he experiences a trigger reminding him of his past. Flashbacks are a symptom that have the most in common with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

To answer your question on whether Shigaraki has a brain injury from when his father hit him with shears, there is evnidence suggesting he could have suffered brain damage, especially in the symptoms that he shares with Twice. However, at the same time Shigaraki also would have developed brain damage either way. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is something that permanently rewires the brain after exposure to trauma. His brain has suffered a traumatic injury regardless of whether or not it was the garden sheers that did him in. 

Suicidal Ideation / Self Harm

Shigaraki in general wishes to not exist, or to destroy everything so it will not exist anymore. Even if it’s not a direct wish for suicide that symptom is called suicidal ideation. It’s intrusive and persistent thoughts of suicide. The likely cause is once again, Shigaraki is absolutely not comfortable living like this, and is constantly overwhelmed with stress and pain and is seeking an escape. 

Shigaraki also actively seeks out harm. The same way he obsessively compulsively scratches, he puts himself into harmful situations like the extremely painful hellish surgery the doctor said he did not even have to endure if he did not want to. He feels compelled to harm himself, even when he is not fighting against someone else. He inflicts harm on himself becauseit is once again an unhealthy way to process his emotions. Oncce again all of these symptoms are there not to make Shigaraki out to be terrifying and incomprehensible because he is mentally ill, but rather to show he is a human being caught within the cycle of abuse with extremely unhealthy methods of coping with that fact. 

[tigpooh67]

New interview from Pedro.    Did my best to translate to English.

Enjoy!!

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Looks like Pedro Pascal is in every possible universe. Here and there. In the past, in the present and in galaxies far, far away. Today, the actor is considered the great benchmark of entertainment and one of those in charge of saving a franchise that seemed lost. Sufficient reasons to talk exclusively about discipline, gastronomy, creeds and how he swallowed his dad in 30 seconds.

 The SAR defines 'creed' as the set of ideas, principles or convictions of a person or group. For example, by creed, one can leave his country and be in exile. It just so happens that one can leave the loved one behind. Or simply live in another reality. And you can also put on a helmet to pretend never to take it off again. If that is the way to go, the creed says that it must be done with the profession of faith and without stopping to look. As he turned the pages of the script for The Mandalorian, the Disney+ series that revived passion and nostalgia for the Star Wars franchise, Pedro Pascal came across this definition in every dialogue and moment, and reflection worked his way.

It has been more than two decades since the Chilean-American Pedro Pascal began his acting career and today, named as the great benchmark of 2020, misses the theater and still hurts him not to have the discipline to exercise and maintain a healthy diet while recognizing the ironic of having the best year of his career in the midst of one of the worst in recent history. But even in physical solitude, the man who carried Christmas's best-selling baby rescues many positive things and shares the vision of the universes he has traveled through, his passion for distant galaxies, and how to traumatify your family with a simple TV scene. In interview, the Mandalorian of Latin America.

 IMDB named you the 2020 benchmark in entertainment, a year in which the world took refuge in fiction. What was it like to live your best time locked up and what do you rescue on a human level from him?

The strength of family relationships and friendship. For them, we endure this physical loneliness. I find it ironic that in 2020 I received projects so well received by the public, although they were carried out before the pandemic and their impact was during this one, and that year I was isolated and alone. But I must stress that loneliness is a privilege when many people had to keep working, surviving and maintaining the functioning of the world. We just had to be alone, but they had more than that and you have to value it too.

 Among the activities you've lost, how much do you miss the theater?

A lot, really. It's something I miss most and being with people without feeling afraid. See a play and return to those experiences of being with people doing and living things in common. That's what I need most, besides my loved ones.

 Disney went into streaming and its strong card has your face, what do you think of the discussion of platforms against movie theaters?

In streaming there are amazing things and many people develop great projects that they didn't access before. The diversity of voices is taking its way and it is important to recognize that opportunities grow exponentially and limits change. It's amazing how much availability we have to very well-made content and how creative people can share their work in different ways. But I also want to be honest: limiting the experience of viewing content only on our gadgets or at home is a mistake that affects the stories we can tell. A mix of opportunities and challenges must be achieved.

Leaps between the fictional universes that mark the last decades until they reach the universe of universes. What is your first Star Wars memory and how do you sum up the essence of this legendary story?

For me, Star Wars is nostalgia itself. It's one of the primary things in my memory, of my childhood. I came to the United States with my Chilean family when I was under two years old and one of my first memories is going to the movies with my dad to see the saga; it becomes one of those romantic things about childhood, that open your mind, so imagine how special it is to participate in this project. I think the creators of The Mandalorian fully understand this nostalgia and power, and they managed to count on that element as a great ally for the Star Wars world and I can't be happier to be a part of it. (Of which we look forward to the third season The Mandalorian)

 The Mandalorian exploits the power and nuances of your voice, did you have that letter on your resume?

I didn't know I could do it, but I resorted to my theatrical preparation, which was very physical at all levels and feelings. There are elements that have to do with creating a role, and they teach you that voice is a primary thing, something you have to start with and can't hide. Now I've learned a lot more about the importance of that, and how to use it with economics. The body also has to do with it, because something very subtle communicates something. At The Mandalorian, I had a great time figuring out how to do it, they gave me the opportunity to develop it in different ways. The opportunity to be very intense in it.

 What about the ego when someone works under a suit and mask?

In the conversations about the project, before doing so, we were informed of the idea and concept of the whole season, so I clearly understood what it was. I wanted it to be the most powerful version of what they were trying to accomplish, so it didn't make sense for me to involve my ego, you know? It was already very clear what the project meant, so I knew about the character, the piece he represented for himself and the opportunity it was for me, so I was just focused on better executing the part that touched me in all this. In the theater, I worked several times under a mask and it helped me develop the experience.

It seems that The Mandalorian has a very theatrical base...

Exactly, and thanks to the physical experience of working in theater, making a play a few times a week, discovering how your body and your voice communicate, being part of an entire image, and how you will tell that story visually, I achieved this character. I never imagined it would be something I would have to use in such an important Star Wars project.

 On the list of entertainment greats, there are names like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, do you think John Favreau's should be added to the list?

I think his name is already included. Without a doubt, it's in that category and it's amazing. I'm fascinated by his vision. I remember a chapter in the second season, and I had some boots and I walked so much in the snow, that it stuck to them. He noticed, so he talked to the art department about the kind of boots you need when you're in the snow. They came up to me and gave me some new ones that fulfilled the idea I was looking for. He noticed it in an instant. It is such a wonderful detail and is repeated at scale in every session with it. Think of absolutely everything and your vision of using technology is admirable. He's someone who makes you feel motivated and always sees how to achieve the goal.

 One of the reflections of the series is on how and under what circumstances a man can break his creed and the way he lives. What makes you break up with your beliefs?

I think you must follow your heart so as not to repent of anything; even if it sometimes brings pain or conflict, deep down when you go back, it's all worth it because it's what you heard in your heart. I'm very afraid to deny that feeling or not to take care of it. Now I'm 45 years old and I can't believe I have a finer philosophy. Make him more disciplined. It's ridiculous, but I'm trying to accept that I am and that's all I can say, "Follow your heart." Although, you know, I still don't follow a good diet, I still have trouble sleeping or exercising.

 Are you still good at Chilean empanadas?

Yes, I couldn't stop. And also how good that I don't live in Mexico City because I would only spend it eating. I could move my whole life to the defe just to eat.

 I want to deviate and ask you, who did you see the chapter of your death in Game of Thrones and what trauma did you cause to your family?

For me, no trauma. I separate myself well from the characters, although I fully understand that if I were a Game of Thrones audience and loved that character, it would make an incredible impression on me. Thank you, it wasn't. I had to interpret it and there was a model of my head to be crushed that way with the tubes and the fake blood, you know? I lay there, with pieces of my flesh, it was funny in the end. But not for my family. There's nothing funny about them and it's traumatic. My dad totally changed his voice when we saw the episode, turned around and said, "I didn't like it, Pedro. No, Pedro, not this."

 The media found similarities between your villain in Wonder Woman: 1984 and Donald Trump. When you play a character with characteristics like that, do you humanize or understand it?

The project had nothing to do with the former president. I was always told that my character in Wonder Woman:1984 was emotionally messy, and I took that and took it as far away as possible. Instead of creating it with images or certain inspirations from life, it was more working with what was on the page. Personally, what made sense to me is the size of the story being told and there's always more, and we all want more. Creatively, if this makes sense, that meant "flying it out of the park." Connect a hit with the character and be committed to telling their story faithfully, in a way that was true to me. So all the exterior elements found their way.

 What way to start 2021 with the theme of the Capitol... how do you perceive that moment?

I am not a politician and it is not that I have no opinion on such events; However, there is no need to express the obvious. My opinion would be very simple compared to that of a person who studied this, who knows how to act in these kinds of scenarios; I think I'm next to the majority who lived this, which is the logical result of what we've been through over the years and we're all horrified. It was distressing to see this violence.

 If you had the monolith in your hands, what would be your wish?

My wish would be... it's impossible, the truth (laughs). I think it's being together again, with less fear and people having a chance to connect.

 What is your position of the reality that Chile has experienced in recent years and how has the relationship with your country been since exile?

It's something I'm developing and I keep doing it in my life, trying to understand that it's my home. Being in Chile is being at home, but my life has been very nomadic, living different things and having many influences; so it's strange, I don't feel the title of a full Chilean identity or an American.

 Neither from here nor there?

In a sense, but I'm also completely both. My parents are Chileans, my brothers were born there before my parents traveled, and I returned sometimes because my family is so big; in fact, my parents came back. It's always been there, it's still developing, and it's going to be a part of me. I don't know if I answer your question, but it has a lot to do with who I am.

 What is your relationship with Latin American cinema? Interested in you?

A lot, it's invaded me in life like American cinema. The movies I have in my heart, seeing something like And your mom was also something that changed me; I also love the work that comes out of Chile, and all I can say is that it is a cinema that needs more access and projects.

You got a comedy with Nicolas Cage on your doorstep today, can you tell me something?

It's my first chance at comedy, as a complete story within the genre. Speaking of American influences, in the 1980s I saw all the films where Nicolas Cage was coming out, he came into my life and it's great to be his partner after seeing all his performances.

 What's your relationship with the comedy genre like?

I love it, I've done a lot of comedy in the theater, what happens is that in film and television themes, I was always part of drama castings. And in the cinema, you go where the doors open; although I identify with one or the other, I think being an actor, you go and do what you have to do. Comedy is something unique, it's very challenging because it has to be very real to make it funny, you can't hide or use normal tricks. I was very excited to have this challenge in front of a camera.

 Finally, Pedro, after going through so many fictional worlds, literally, what do you dream of when you sleep?

I dream that my bathroom is dirty, that I haven't done my math homework, that the oven and all that stuff are on. Of course, there are times when I close my eyes and see myself in all these projects, although my conscience is with the anxieties of the day you can imagine.

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power S01E10 - The Beacon

My first thought after reading that title is "oh, the distress beacon Entrapta had in her castle." Maybe that's how they are going to find out she's alive? If it's even something that'll be dealt with this season. If it isn't that... hmm, I'm not sure what else it could be. Maybe something related to Glimmer's blocked powers? Or something related to She-Ra's powers?

I have no idea so let's do this!

I'm not sure what to think here. While in a practical sense she's right (why group the most important/powerful people in the world in one strike team instead of y'know using actual warfare and soldiers as a distraction), I doubt the show agrees with her.

I'm guessing there's some context that I'm missing, maybe whatever happened to the previous Princess Alliance was in part because they were together?

Well, this is a cheery way to start the episode.

Welp, everything they achieved during the season has been completely destroyed. I doubt Glimmer and Adora are going to blame each other but there's definitely going to be some self-blaming. Adora because of her plan, Glimmer for being captured.

Oof. Just oof.

lol at the mood whiplash between heavy emotions and defeat and this op

Ah, a precious new glimmer face that doesn't involve torture.

"nevermind, please carry me and let's not talk until next year"

That hesitance before saying loss is them reading through their Netflix contract figuring out if they can say death or not.

It's weird how they are both treating Entrapta's loss as serious business but also kinda lightly? I guess it makes sense if we consider no one really knew Entrapta so she's more like a long lost cousin than anything else. I'd still expect more... insistence from Angella though, Entrapta _did_ die saving her daughter.

Sure.

This is another one of those cases where I'm both thinking "this is really dumb" but also "it makes a ton of sense." From outside, this is the worst possible decision Glimmer could make right now, Angella has a lot more resources than they have to help her.

But, I completely understand _why_ Glimmer is being like that. It's one more excuse for her mom to keep overprotecting her and trying to escape that has been Glimmer's major motivation this season.

I have the feeling that recharging is going to make it worse since it means more energy to glitch out.

Can't believe Undyne Undertale works for the horde.

secret giggling Catra in the back

I'm glad that they went this way, with the flip-side of "takes all your credit" being "takes all the blame"

heeello there entrapta. Wow your death didn't last much at all.

nice callback to "Didn't you do something like this to relax in the horde?" "Uh, no. We hit things."

This is probably the one way Adora has to manage her stress.

welp

Can't believe this show is going to make me feel bad about angella.

Scorpia is an absolute treasure.

And now Catra meeting Entrapta in the Princess Ball has a reason. Because she already knows who she is, her first reaction is not to try and attack her but rather just a sigh because well, dealing with entrapta is worth a sigh.

Huh, that's an interesting tidbit to drop just like that. So Angella is immortal, is _Glimmer_ immortal too? How long has Angella lived? Long enough to have met the first ones?

Adora really needs to visit a therapist.

...ripe? What are they?

I bet this episode was the one reason they had to make it so high.

Of course she'd say that, it's a chance to see She-Ra in action _and_ to get healed. Win-win.

My brain is breaking while trying to figure out how Entrapta's hair works. Wouldn't making that second "tentacle" be enough to make the hair thin enough to escape? If she can make that second tentacle wouldn't it be incredibly easy to just move all her hair out of the shackles?

It's always refreshing to see "villains" that actually care for each other.

Catra is really good at manipulating people, probably thanks to Shadow Weaver's example, but the way she's using her own experiences makes it even better/worse.

Also interesting that they are hiding Entrapta's face.

The thing with Catra is that I can't tell when she's being honest. I _think_ she's genuinely sympathizing with Entrapta while at the same time planning how to use her. Like with Scorpia, she empathized with her but she also had a reason to do it. I wonder if that duality is going to cause her problems later on.

oh no, you're making me feel bad about Entrapta now.

my heart

I'm still thinking about that one picture with her and some robots that seemed to be taking the place of her parents. How many times has she been "left behind"?

Catra thinks she's being all evil and manipulative while Scorpia in the back is just going "yeah, that sounds right, worked for me"

I doubt Catra _wants_ to be protected but Scorpia is _such_ a good friend.

For some reason I don't really mind Entrapta joining the horde, I'm just hoping that they don't take advantage of her. That sounds weird but Scorpia _is_ happy there, why not Entrapta? There's always time for a heel-face turn later on.

She-Ra being a dork with super powers is one of the best parts of her entire character.

Can't wait to see Glimmer turned into a rainbow.

I'm never going to get sick of this joke.

Interesting. So the Horde doesn't know about the first ones? That seems wrong. I'm guessing they are actively blocking info about it and they actually want to destroy it.

Oh, the tower. With three episodes left maybe the finale is going to be there?

Yeah, I love this joke.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Even if it's true, that still gets an "ugh" from me, especially after that "I won't apologize" line.

Wait, what? Protect Bow? Oooooh, is Bow supposed to be her bodyguard?

I didn't expect the self-blame party to include Bow.

What with princesses liking arson. First RWBY and now She-Ra.

She's trying so hard to reconnect. I'm not a parent myself (thankfully) but I think everyone can at least understand the struggle to understand and connect with someone who seems to be pulling away.

Glimmer has some valid reasons to be doing it (teenager + being overprotected is a pretty bad combination) but I can't fault Angella too much for trying to do everything she can.

Of course, like most problems, it could get solved by talking, maybe this dinner is a chance?

Oof.

Wow.

I knew Glimmer had some issues with her self-esteem but damn, I didn't expect _this_. I guess this is the disadvantage of having an immortal parent who's also a queen. High expectations to live up to, self-imposed or not.

Daaaaaaaamn. Was it in battle or did Micah die rescuing her? It'd be an interesting parallel to Glimmer's kidnapping.

And, I hadn't really thought about this but, Micah being dead is a pretty good reason for Angella's "helicopter mom" tendencies.

Oooooooh, that's worse than I thought. And it explains why she's been mostly reactive in the war with Glimmer being the one who wants to take a more active role.

I'm still curious about what exactly happened in that battle and afterward. Have we heard how long was the first alliance? I can't remember, but it has to be less than 20 years ago considering Glimmer's age (unless she's also immortal and 300 years old)

Are Netossa and Spinerella also immortal? That'd explain why they look the same in the mural.

Aw, that got me teary-eyed a bit. It's probably not the end of their problems but they've at least started talking.

Lots of guilt all around

I was going to say "WHY DID YOU THROW AWAY THE SWORD" but there it is.

Vulnerability seems to be the theme of this episode. Or rather, choosing to be vulnerable or not.

The alliance is gone, Entrapta’s death is too much to bear and the princesses choose to all return to their own respective kingdoms, literally closing themselves off the world in the case of Frosta and Mermista.

We don’t see what happens with them afterward but everything that follows is about how that seems to be the worst choice to make.

Entrapta decides to help Catra not because she’s evil or wants revenge but because she finally feels understood. Would she have turned so easily if she _really_ believed in her new friends? How long has she lived alone in that castle? How many times has she been left behind or branded a problem because of her behavior? Sure, she usually acts like she doesn‘t care but that doesn‘t mean it‘s true.

Catra’s intentions are definitely not pure but she’s speaking from her own experiences and that’s enough to make the princess relate to her.

The opposite happens with Shadow Weaver. She refuses to be vulnerable and apologize, choosing to feed Catra a line with how it was all to prepare her. All this achieves is to alienate her further.

On the other side of the war, Glimmer spends the entire episode trying to avoid her mom, but it’s only after her insecurities explode and Angella opens up with her own that they can start mending their relationship and fix Glimmer’s glitching.

Adora is the clearest example, it takes dropping her defenses and revealing her self-doubt to herself and the world before the forest lets her through to the Beacon.

The best thing about all of this is that the episode didn’t beat me over the head with the “moral” of the episode. Besides Perfuma’s words, it’s all in how the characters act and the consequences. It has faith in the viewer to get it and that’s pretty neat.

Some jumbled thoughts:

* I’m not a big fan of diagnosing characters of real-life stuff but I wonder if Entrapta was written to be neurodivergent on purpose instead of just being an excuse to make her funny/frustrating.

* Bow seems to be the only one handling things more or less okay (even before they talk things out) but who knows, maybe he’s bottling it all up to explode in the future.

* I’m trying to guess what will happen next. They have to heal Glimmer and fix up the Alliance but neither of those things seems finale worthy. Maybe Angella is going to attack the Horde? There’s also the question of what’s going to happen with Adora and Catra, maybe another vision revealing more of what it all means?

* How long before the Princesses find out that Entrapta is alive? It’s probably going to be pretty sad, twice. First, when they find out they abandoned her in enemy territory and second when they realize she doesn’t want to go back with them.

I think that’s all for now, until next time!