#this is also the best-worked structurally wise story that I have published on ao3

[deliciousscaloppine]

More Valentine’s Day goodies: A love letter to all the writers who have been reading my stories

And want to find out more about storytelling and how I do some a little more advanced things in stories I have already published.

First of all I always leave polishing the prose of a story for last, so in many of my fanfics the prose is not very good, because I usually post fanfiction as it comes to me - basically I type it down and hit publish when I am too tired to go on. 

I leave prose for last for various reasons: According to the perspective from which you narrate a story, certain segments might need to be written with linguistic quirks particular to characters, and character state - this means things like a character’s age or if they are aging through the plot so their perspective matures and their vocabulary changes- which also should happen if they are distressed, sad, happy, or their memory is affected e.t.c.  Also sometimes you the author as a narrator might also be a character, who has linguistic particularities (very common in children’s books.)

So usually you get a complete image of the characters after you finish writing the first draft and start revising to make everything more crisp and understandable to the reader. That’s when you start building the language of the story as well. So the prose is finalized at the very final stage for me, when everything is pretty set and has to be highlighted both reasonably and aesthetically.

Don’t be evil anymore  

A story I am incredibly pleased with and if I changed things, it would be just some sentence restructuring, polishing some prose, adding some units of meaning I have omitted...because i couldn’t be bothered to write them at the time (lol), and also add some minor plot scenes. Perhaps even expanding Meilin’s importance, and adding an ending with Huaisang’s death from old age.

What did I want to write, what I wrote:

I wanted to write a story about a person who has been injured by their own wrongdoing, and has lost in a sense their internal morality, and now lost in grief they fear that they will fall from grace. I also wanted this to be a story where the main character is punished for the mistake they made, but in a very unlikely way the punishment leads to their salvation, and ultimately they are saved by the very enemy they destroyed. So in many ways the enemy is a mirror, and also the alter ego of the protagonist. 

Why did I choose Huaisang as a vehicle to tell this story:

I was intrigued by the fact that he has to basically invent a new type of cultivation for his clan if he wants his house to survive. So I began thinking that he would probably turn to the tenets of Buddhism to do so, mainly inspired by the infinity knot he has on his fan, and how his and his family’s storyline are basically a closed loop of suffering that he would have to be somehow enlightened in order to break free of. And this enlightenment would come from perceiving the suffering of the world around him as the same thing that fueled his own tragedy. 

Story structure

Basically a spiral, where a mistake is repeated and amplified with each turn of the story. The repetitive style of each arc mirrors the loop the character is stuck into. The repetition is the fixed variable in a problem the character is called to solve. Moving through each stage the character acquires more and more information in the form of experience in order to deduct the other variables. So this creates a sense of advancement and of unseen internal work that happens within the character and changes them for the better - makes them more resilient, more in tune with their desires, and more ready to tackle difficult problems and tragedies. It basically generates interior action, which brings the character to life.

Nameless characters as storytelling tools

A lot of character growth in the protagonist is motivated by friction generated with the other nameless, minor characters. All these people like the matchmaker, the servant and brothel girl, the boatman, the abbot’s assistant, act as mirrors who bounce back to the protagonist an accurate image of his self as he is when he meets them. They all have their judgements and assessments of the young man who moves through their world generating internal resistance in Huaisang. He basically has to decide not to be as others see him, which is a major step in composing a new more resilient personality and his own internal code of conduct.

Named minor characters as demands posited by the plot. 

In order for the protagonist’s journey to be finalized he has to meet the demands of the story I am writing - because he is the vehicle of the story. The named characters are the ones who are going to posit to him the demands of the plot, and gauge his evolution according to my writing standards. They are basically checkpoints of his growth. Each demands something different from him, but they all give him the key to break from the loop of suffering. He has to detach himself from them, but in a way that leaves them intact to continue on their own journey - even the twin Rusongs, they die having completed their mission without generating resentment and that’s when the protagonist is finally liberated from his own suffering as well.

This is a story that is very sturdy and ready to receive a lot of philosophical stress, and can grow in this direction if I wanted to develop it further because it does not offer easy answers to the reader, but creates reasonable expectations in them that they in turn question. So both reader and story have a satisfying and nuanced rapport. Whether it can develop into something great is wholly reliant on the further research I as a writer have to do in being informed about the religious and cultural aspects of what I wrote, so I can generate more questions for the reader, and more problems for the character to solve.   

The motivating problem.

In this case it has a name. It’s name is Meng Yao. Huaisang mainly suffers because he destroyed someone who was so like him, and so he fears reasonably that he will destroy himself - like members of his clan are wont to do quite often. So in a broader sense self-destruction, in a narrower sense, the destruction of a loved one for reasons that go beyond the interpersonal. 

Every named character is a chance for the main character to process the loved one and keep them present in the plot through recollection. The main character has to see his own dysfunction repeated in Meng Yao so that he can conclude that there is something intrinsically wrong with the world that produces problems like these. The Peony Prince, Meilin, Chun’er, and the twin Rusongs, not only  work as aspects of Meng Yao, but also as traps for Huaisang to fall into and accept that he indeed committed evil, so that he can see how this is connected to a more broad pattern, linked to his inevitable end if he does not attain enlightenment. 

We are basically pushing (bullying really) the character to have a breakthrough. 

[jcmorrigan]

Tales from the Scrap Heap: Nothing to Lose but You

I decided to start “Tales from the Scrap Heap” as a little series on my blog for fanfiction ideas that I never got into print. Because my brain is really, really good at coming up with way more long-form plots than I can ever realistically hope to publish. I have to be picky about which plot bunnies I follow and which I don’t. The stories here are the ones that I considered and ultimately didn’t motivate me as much as what I have up on my AO3 account.

For the first one, I’m aware I’m putting myself in the Discourse Box here but it’s a Voltron: Legendary Defender fic. However, it’s for the absolute only ship I have never seen contested, largely because I don’t think anybody remembers these guys: Vakala/Remdax. Something about them really intrigued me (probably that they’re silly x straitlaced, have a size difference, and bicker constantly, which is almost a full row of JCMorrigan OTP Bingo). If you don’t remember, they’re the two aliens who found clone!Shiro on the ice planet shortly after he escaped (this is when we thought he was real!Shiro) and decided ultimately not to eat him and instead to give him a shuttle to escape back to Voltron. Anyhow, one day I just had too much Worldbuilding Juice and decided to come up with a little history for them, and because they’re rebels hiding in a remote location in a seemingly neverending war, it is one of the darkest story ideas I have. There’s a happy ending for our two leading men, but because this is indeed a wartime story, what I came up with to explain why they were on that ice planet and so willing to even cannibalize any Galra who showed up ended up having elements of colonialism, prison/labor camps, fugitive life, and a worldbuild flavoring that implies some noncon happened somewhere at some point. So if these things are not what you want to read in a hypothetical Voltron fanfiction outline, please keep movin’. Anyway, this is the one story I most regret never finishing because I had so much of it fleshed, but my Voltron muse is long gone and I have no enthusiasm, so here’s what I would’ve written, had I the energy.

·      Title is “Nothing to Lose but You” because the point of this story is these two go through the wringer and are literally all each other have. It’s that kind of story

·      I decided to call the planet Vakala and Remdax are from “Taxalai,” and the name for a resident is “Taxalan.” Taxalan society has a heavy emphasis on technology (which is why Remdax not knowing how to work a computer or being able to remember a password is such an oddity and so frustrating to pretty much any other Taxalan), and pretty much everything is computerized to some degree. Screens everywhere.

·      We open on Vakala, who is living in a mansion that used to belong to his family but has since been taken over by an invading Galra general. This was going to be an OC who I could just make nasty, but then I got re-introduced to Morvok, the Galra’s resident black sheep, and I will take any excuse to write Morvok so let’s just say it was he who took over Vakala’s family manor and just sits on the couch all day regaling people with stories of his greatness (none of which are true).

·      Vakala himself is a servant to Morvok, having to bring him whatever he wants and be at his beck and call.

·      One day, Vakala decides he’s done taking orders and declares he is no longer going to be in a position of servitude in his own house. Morvok simply dismissively says to “Take this one away wherever you take the ones that act up so I don’t have to look at him.”

·      And Vakala is arrested by a Galra squadron and brought to a prison camp many, many miles away.

·      It’s night when he’s delivered, so he’s brought right to the cramped barrack where a bunch of Taxalans who have been there longer are stacked in bunk beds. Vakala’s first night there, he screams and claws at the door that’s been sealed behind him, begging to be let out because he’ll follow orders this time.

·      The other prisoners there are veterans, so they all tell him to shut up because they’re never gonna listen. All but one.

·      Enter Remdax. He’s from another part of Taxalai – Vakala’s voice sounds more American to me while Remdax is definitely British, so I assume they have to come from different parts of the planet. They also have different physical structures that may suggest ethnic divides, though their color palette affirms they’re both of the same planetary origin. It’s also worth noting he has both eyes still at this point. This is very important.

·      Remdax is here because he was part of an anti-Galra rebel squad that was largely made up of his friends and family. The Galra found and closed in on their base, and Remdax ran out and got himself arrested for the purpose of slowing down the Galra officers enough that his friends and family could escape – which they did.

·      Anyway, that exposition would come some time later. For now, what’s happening is Vakala is having a panic attack in the middle of the night and everyone’s telling him to shut up because it’s futile. Except for Remdax. Remdax stands up and essentially says, “We’ve all done the same thing when we first arrived. Let him feel what he feels.”

·      And he approaches Vakala to try and calm him down verbally – just by saying his feelings are validated, and yes, it’s really awful, but he’ll survive, and Remdax will do his best to make sure Vakala survives. But he can’t really tell him it’s “okay” because it is quite clearly not.

·      Vakala eventually gives up and goes to sleep, quite depressed and for good reason.

·      The following morning, Vakala is put to work on an assembly line making Galra weaponry. This is what all the Taxalans in this particular camp must do. It’s very mechanically inclined, not many screens, not the way Taxalans usually work.

·      I don’t know if pacing-wise, it would be better to have this happen the first time or later, but Vakala ends up trying to pick up a cooling metal part way too soon and burning his palm horribly. He has to finish the rest of his shift one-handed.

·      Again, the other imprisoned Taxalans avoid this situation, largely because anxiety is high as-is, but Remdax steps forward once more, trying to care for the burn as best as he can. And he has zero supplies, so the best he can do is run a whole lot of cold water over Vakala’s hand and wrap it up in fabric he tore off his clothing.

·      Vakala ends up underperforming because of this injury and receives some punishment later. I didn’t think too much on exactly what – had I fleshed this out fully, I’d at least imply strongly what happened

·      Remdax has a bit of a crisis over this because he invested in protecting this guy, he failed, and there was literally nothing he could do. He’s in here for self-sacrifice in the first place, so he keeps thinking there’s always something he could do to help someone else if he gives something up for himself. But sometimes, he doesn’t even have an opportunity to do so, and it’s driving him into panic.

·      It’s shortly after this that he starts getting into his head that maybe the only way to help Vakala and himself is if he finds a way to escape.

·      There’s a day in which Remdax and Vakala are assigned to work outside on the grounds, and down comes an inspector from another sector on a shuttle. Remdax sees the opportunity and waves Vakala over.

·      They only have one shot, and it will unfortunately mean leaving the rest of their people behind, which is a horrible sacrifice, but it’s either they go on their own or nobody goes at all.

·      Remdax rushes the Galra inspector and attacks him. They get in a physical brawl while Vakala hurries in and hijacks the ship, which isn’t difficult for his technologically-inclined mind.

·      During this fight, Remdax either knocks out or kills the Galra inspector, but in the process, the inspector stabs one of his eyes completely out.

·      Remdax hops onto the ship and they have to go right away or else lose their freedom and maybe their lives forever. Vakala is freaking out because Remdax’s eye is bleeding, but Remdax is trying to act casual and make jokes about it because Vakala needs to be calm enough to drive.

·      They get off Taxalai on that stolen shuttle and land on the nearest planet, which I never named.

·      They’re aware they’re fugitives at this point.

·      They end up in a metropolitan area, where they check into a hotel so they have somewhere to sleep. I hadn’t worked out how they pay for the first night ��� maybe with favors, because Vakala eventually ends up a receptionist at this hotel and earns good wages, so maybe he gets his foot in the door by saying “I’ll do anything” and the receptionist is already pulling double duty and just goes “Do the second half of my fourteen-hour shift”

·      They have to finish wrapping up Remdax’s eye in that hotel room as best they can. Thankfully, it doesn’t get infected.

·      Immediately their first thought is to go out and find a way of bringing in income. As I said, Vakala makes a good receptionist and is excellent at filing client data on computers, so he ends up with a good-paying job that way.

·      Remdax takes a job down at a garage working with vehicle mechanics and engines, since that’s what he’s better at. Not in the manufacture of those parts (never again), but in fixing up broken vehicles. (I would’ve made it something more interesting than simply cars for this planet because Voltron planets are all about interesting possibilities for new civilizations.)

·      There’s some down-time where they live rather domestically this way, just earning enough to buy simple food and extend the stay in their small and shabby hotel room, but also bonding and becoming better friends.

·      A lot of people assume they already are a couple. Remdax in particular gets asked about his “husband” at the garage and he has to keep denying it.

·      There’s one night where they’re just having a relatively good time, taking a night to relax and appreciate that they can do nothing and be okay, and Remdax very gingerly brings up he wants to ask something of Vakala that might be too much. Vakala agrees to hear him out, and all Remdax wants is to be hugged for a bit while he thinks about how far they’ve come. So they hold each other, just lying on the bed and muttering to each other about the way things used to be, the way things are now, how lucky they are to have each other.

·      It’s actually some time later that they start seeing each other in a romantic light. Before this, they were a lifeline to each other, and in the heat of the worst moments, they couldn’t even really think about romance – they had to be preoccupied with survival. But now that their life is settling down and they’re starting to pack away funds for a small house, they start thinking…we’re basically life partners. Are we attracted to each other?

·      Answer: yes.

·      They kiss one night over a pretty meager dinner spread out picnic-style on their bed.

·      Shortly after this is when the Galra troops come into the city, looking for the two fugitives who attacked an inspector and fled custody.

·      Vakala and Remdax end up having to escape out the window, flee down the fire escape, and hijack a ship from Remdax’s garage.

·      They’re floating between worlds yet again.

·      They are eventually found by another ship, and they fear the Galra have finally captured them – but it’s a ship of rebels who’ve had similar stories. Vakala and Remdax are two of the Galra’s most wanted, and these rebels realized they would make great additions to the team in exchange for some stability.

·      So they work out a plan where Vakala and Remdax man an outpost on the ice planet, one of the most remote they have, that monitors Galra communications.

·      The rebels drop in supplies regularly and also have left a shuttle in case of emergency.

·      Vakala and Remdax both haaaaate the cold and so use the first week or so as an excuse to snuggle a lot.

·      And things go pretty okay. Remdax is still technologically illiterate and Vakala is just like “Are you even a Taxalan”

·      This is where they start bickering, which they like because finally, finally the stakes are low enough where they can afford to just rag on each other and still like each other at the end of the day.

·      They get more physical at this stage, too, but of course I can’t write a lemon to save my soul so it’s just a lot of implications

·      Things start going wrong when a Galra officer finds the base on a planet. This is far too dangerous and they both know it. If this guy gets two steps further, their location is blown and they are both dead. So Remdax kills him.

·      It’s been a while since their last supply delivery. And they figure it’s best not to waste anything…so they decide the Galra they killed has to go into food reserves.

·      Vakala nearly has a full-on panic attack while cannibalizing another person, even if that person was dangerous.

·      Some time later, another Galra shows up, but this one’s different. She claims to come in peace, and introduces herself as Acxa.

·      Remdax is ready to murder again, but Vakala holds him off because he can recognize Acxa isn’t a full-blooded Galra and in fact, he’s pretty sure there’s Taxalan in her genetic makeup based on how her face looks.

·      Acxa confirms. Her grandmother was a Taxalan and forced to be a servant of a Galra commander who impregnated her (here is the strongly implied noncon).

·      Acxa offers to help, swearing to secrecy. Vakala and Remdax deny her help but let her get away with her life, wondering if they’d made the right decision.

·      A month with no contact and they’re fairly secure Acxa didn’t snitch.

·      Then in comes Shiro, and canon events happen. These would be briefly recapped.

·      The important thing to note is that they let Shiro have their only shuttle, and that was a boo-boo, but it’s okay because the rebels are gonna drop off supplies anyway, so they shouldn’t need it.

·      And then the other rebels never show up.

·      I’m not sure if I’d have them literally be dead or leave it up in the air, but their supplies are cut off. They ration out their remaining food for the next few years. There’s at least one more Galra who shows up that they have to eat. And it does last a few years, until the end of VLD canon.

·      They’re starving to death. Skin and bone. And we get them eating their last ration over the fire and since they’re both used to cannibalizing Galra by now, their minds are on the obvious. Each is ready to kill himself so the other can live longer.

·      For dramatic effect I might have let them get close to pulling the trigger before the sound of someone showing up alerts them

·      They go outside, hoping they’re saved and not screwed…

·      And wouldn’t you know. It’s the paladins of Voltron. Also Acxa.

·      Allura has already been exchanged for the restoration of all realities (which Vakala and Remdax have no idea happened because when you’re in a reality that disappears and reappears, that has no bearing on your memory because you literally did not exist and suddenly existed again with no idea of the gap)

·      Altea and Daibazaal have been restored and now the paladins are working on bringing peace all over the universe

·      And Shiro remembered the two who helped his clone out because of…memory merging?...and Acxa brought up “We really need to check on those two”

·      They get Vakala and Remdax on a warm ship, find them food, get them cleaned up

·      And then bring them back to Taxalai, which has just been liberated from Galra control. We see the more unforgivable Galra getting their due punishment. The camp administrators are now incarcerated. Morvok is doing community service scooping poop at the zoo or something horrible because it’s Morvok

·      Shiro is considering his retirement, but first, he addresses Vakala and Remdax, asking if they want to govern the reclaimed Taxalai and help make it a beautiful place where their people can flourish

·      Vakala is trying so hard not to break down and cry, but it’s Remdax who hits his knees and starts bawling first

·      The final line would be about how they were finally “home” for the first time in their entire lives

[gabolange]

I was tagged by @geneeste (kinda) to do the one-shot fic writer meme, and why not!                                                        

list your five longest one-shot fics on AO3 (not chaptered works or series) with the word count, fandom, year, and comments/kudos/bookmarks. one-shots are the short stories to fandom’s books and a distinctly different process in my experience.

I am not much of a long fic writer, so this is an eclectic and (I think) kind of wonderful list:

1. ebb on with them who homeward go (12,393 words, The Doctor Blake Mysteries, Jean character study, Lucien / Jean, 2018 - 62 kudos - 22 comments - 2 bookmarks). The story of my heart. It wasn’t easy to write, and I think it may not be easy to read -- you have to pay attention to this story, and goodness knows I don’t always pay close attention when I read fic. It isn’t my best story, really, but it is the one I am proudest of, for the way the structure and the story weave together and become one, for the insight into Jean, for proving to me that I could write something long that still didn’t waste words. This is Jean’s story, and it is mine, and it remains everything to me.

2. All of My Tomorrows (9,522 words, City Homicide, Jen character study, Jen / Nick, 2018 - 26 kudos - 14 comments - 3 bookmarks.) My first draft of this story was four thousand words shorter, and it didn’t work. This one really required that I not rush the ending, that I give Jen time to work through all of her issues. This one also required a substantial amount of rewatching, because guys, the City Homicide finale makes absolutely no sense, and this story aimed to sort that out. I think it succeeds, while also honoring Jen’s journey.

3. Concentric Unto Thee (8,752 words, Stargate SG-1, Sam / Jack, 2008 (orig pub) - 132 kudos - 12 comments - 15 bookmarks). So many people love this story, and I know why. It takes seriously the challenges of balancing work and life, and gives Sam a chance to fight with herself (and Jack) about it. It was the most popular story I wrote in the LJ era, and it does pretty well for itself in the AO3 era. But I read it and always, always find it overwritten, and it is for me something that makes me appreciate the progress I’ve made as a writer, drives my care about making every word count, and makes me appreciate my wonderful beta reader.

4. The Greatest Exception (7,542 words, Stargate SG-1, Sam / Jack, 2009 (orig pub) - 58 kudos - 10 comments - 6 bookmarks). This is the story where I get regular feedback that I killed EVERYONE and yet it’s GOOD and agh. But it also contains one of my single favorite images I have ever written: Sam, in the hospital in combat boots and her negligee, stripped down to the barest minimum with Daniel and the world looking on. (Don’t worry, there’s a happy ending!)

5. Wondering Where I Am (Lost Without You) (7,464 words, City Homicide, Jen / Nick, 2019, 15 kudos - 10 comments). I wrote this this year in the middle of moving to a new city and starting a new job, and I’m fairly certain @pellucidthings prompted me to write it to refocus my stress toward it instead of on all of those things. And so of course I like it -- Nick and Jen during “Undercover,” working through all of their history while he has to help her dress and undress -- but the process is completely lost to the stress of, you know, buying a house.

Honorable Mention #1: Cultural Drift (5,959 words, Stargate SG-1, Daniel character study, Sam / Jack, 2008 (orig pub) - 77 kudos -  11 comments -12 bookmarks). When I published this, I warned for philosophy, but it’s really a story about how a relationship between Jack and Sam would absolutely change the team dynamic. So many wonderful stories assume that it wouldn’t, or that Daniel wouldn’t mind the change, and so I wanted to write through that. And Daniel processes through work and language and memory and philosophy, and I remain proud all these years later of my work marrying those threads with the core plot.

Honorable Mention #2: When the Long Trick’s Over (5,467 words, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, Jack character study, Phryne / Jack, 2015 - 643 kudos - 103 comments -  120 bookmarks). What can I say about this story? It isn’t that long, and it is among the best things I’ve ever written in part because it uses its words wisely and well, it gives insight into Jack and all that motivates him without being busy about it, and yet it never feels too spare. I always marvel at its popularity, but the fact that it is still garnering kudos and comments makes me smile, and makes me proud, and reminds me that every now and then, when the alchemy and the chemistry are right, good stories stick around.

I tag.... @my-little-yellowbird, @thatginchygal, @holdouttrout, @penknife, and anyone else who might like to participate!

[xfilesnews]

FanWorks Wednesdays - crossedbeams

by Keva Andersen

After a short hiatus, we’re back with our author profile series! Meet @crossedbeams. She’s a relative newcomer to the fandom and found her way to The X-Files in a way that’s a little different than most. But despite only meeting Mulder and Scully a short time ago, she’s taken to the characters like an author who’s been with them for years.

Take some time and read through crossedbeams’ collection of “MSR Moments,” a collection of ficlets and prompts that are fun snapshots of Mulder and Scully’s day-to-day life. With a little angst thrown in too, of course. If AU’s are your thing I highly recommend “One Week at Quantico.” The story looks at what might have been had Mulder been teaching at the Academy while Scully was there. Jump in for this line: “But for the sake of argument, quantum physics doesn’t actually rule out time travel” and stay for the rest of the story! And if, like me, you’re looking for a great post-revival kick in the feels check out “Lost Letters.” The story explores how Mulder and Scully deal with Maggie Scully’s death in a world where “Babylon” and “My Struggle II” don’t exist.

We talked with crossedbeams about writing, inspiration, and of course The X-Files.

How long have you been a Phile?

I'm pretty new! I think I watched my first ever episode in November 2015, I completed my first watch through two days before the revival started and I joined the online fandom a year ago! I came at it all kinda backwards... I'm a massive theatre nerd who missed the London run of “Streetcar” (my favourite play) thank to illness, and had never quite gotten over it! The NY show announced summer of 15 and I'd already decided I was going, hell or high water. Then when I was reading about the production it mentioned that “Blanche” was in The Fall, I'd only seen Ep.1 so I got hooked on that, figured I'd see what else Gillian had done, saw The X-Files, I only knew it was one of those cult shows I'd missed thanks to my TV-less childhood and so I figured I'd give it a go... little I knew!

What was your first episode?

The pilot! I'm a completist to a boring level, chronology is my jam (which makes late season mythology suuuper fun!). I think I actually saw the pilot three times before I made it further, once with my sister who wasn't interested, once when I was so tired I couldn't remember what happened and then finally the day I watched most of S1 in one hit. Whoops!

How long have you been writing fic?

According to my blog I posted my first drabble on March 28th, 2016! So almost a year, which seems both way too long (I still feel like a desperate newbie) and not long enough.

What inspired you to start writing?

I've always been a reader, no TV as a kid = loaded bookshelves, my family are wordy, my degree is in English literature and I work with books, so words are my most constant companion. I've always liked to write, the process of catching an idea or a sensation just perfectly in a sentence is on of the most satisfying things I can think of, but while I was at Uni, it was like a switch flicked in my head. I think it was perhaps the first time in my life I was truly unhappy for more than a few hours, and also the first time I didn't have anyone to talk to that I trusted. I became very isolated, shut myself in my room a lot and all the words that used to be my friends where just fighting in my head, angry or sad or whatever, the noise was endless. And on day I just snatched up my laptop and started writing. I don't even remember what, probably some self-pitying explosion of adjectives, and for a little while I felt better. I wrote a lot of poetry, essays and journaled while I was at uni, my only attempt at stories was curtailed by a creative writing tutor who I despised, but in one form or another I've been writing ever since.

Who is your favorite XF character to write?

Originally it was Scully, I tend to gravitate to female voices and hers is the kind of awesome, no-nonsense, bad ass lady voice I wish I had, but lately Mulder has crept in and I honestly enjoy writing both their perspectives equally, though Scully still comes a little more easily. “Quantico” was the first time I feel like I successfully pulled off a split narrative between the two and kept both their characters completely clear. My absolute favourite thing to write though are the bits in between the characters, the omniscient narrator parts where you get to dig into your vocab to try and describe succinctly the emotional impact of a word, or the desperation of their need etc. But that's not really a character so... Scully!

Are there any XF characters you dislike or find too difficult to write?

Besides Mulder and Scully, I've only ever tried to write Maggie, and that was in letter format which is kind of a cheat, so I don't feel like I've necessarily got enough experience to answer this well. I'm pretty good at writing within a brief, so I'm not adverse to writing anyone, I just don't have any ideas for most of them! I suppose Reyes appeals to me the least, just because I don't feel like I ever properly connected to her or understood her true purpose in TXF universe (especially post-revival). I don't dislike her at all, I just don't get her and so likely couldn't do her justice.

Is there a story you're most proud of or that's a favorite?

I think “Quantico” will always be special because it took me by surprise; it was the little request drabble that grew and I am still overwhelmed by people's response to it... but.. “Trinity” is my baby, and also my great shame, because it's been a WIP for way too long and I'm still dithering. I'm proud of it because it's the biggest risk I've taken in my writing; my first proper case file and my first attempt at crossover. Writing Scully, Stella Gibson, and Blanche Dubois into one canon compliant universe is possibly the stupidest idea I have ever run with, but so far it has paid off and the feedback from those prepared to risk it has been phenomenal. I love writing Blanche, Stella fights me and Scully is my safe place but the mental process of characterizing that story, advancing that plot, is the most satisfying, terrifying, exhausting writing I've ever done. And I desperately need to get on with it.

Where can people find your work, and what's the best way to send feedback?

I have a master list that I update regularly on my blog header and I'm also on AO3 as crossedbeams and everything is indexed there too. Feedback can be via tumblr message, comment or ask, AO3 comment or people can email crossedbeamsfic@gmail.com I'm still amazed that people read what I write so any feedback is the cherry on top! I'm also good with constructive criticism, I'm still new and learning after all.

Do you take fic prompts from fans?

Yes, though it can take a while. There are guidelines to what I will/won't write on the Request A Fic tab on my blog, and a disclaimer too! But I'm always open to discuss it.

Have you written your own original characters outside of fandom?

Yes. I have a few unfinished short stories, a couple of finished ones, and in my previous incarnation on tumblr I wrote a pretty long, often terrible, series that covered several generations of a cast of original characters!

Anything you’d like to share about your writing process?

I'm kind of a messy writer. I write mostly in long sittings and the words just come. Most of my favourite drabbles have been written in a single sitting and posted when the last full stop drops. (Hence the typos in early reblogs!) I find this stops me over working the prose and getting too verbose but it does also backfire at times. I find it much harder to write longer form pieces, because my writing is often emotion driven. There was a six week gap between most of “Quantico” and the final two chapters, a four week gap between parts 3 and 4 of “Close”  partly because I put immense pressure on myself to "finish things well" but also because emotionally I couldn't find the right groove. “Quantico” began in a fluffy, happy place where I was optimistic and not in my head, “Close”… I think I was tipsy and had come in from a date! Trying to finish those fics as they deserved to be finished when a week later I was miserable and self-flagellating, or feeling decidedly unsexy felt almost impossible. I often wish my process were more considered and structured, that I could sit and get down a couple hundred words and edit it better later, but my mind just doesn't work that way, and I've learned that I can't force it to.

Do you have a favorite author? (fanfic or published!)

Only about 9000000! Fic wise, @somekindofseizure on tumblr has a gorgeous way with words I envy and aspire to. I could list so many more but I'll only leave people out so I'll just say that if you check my ficrecs tag you'll find so many people, many of whom I'm lucky enough to count as friends, who do so many things so well. Some of them are plot beasts, others ruin me with beautiful language and some are just steam queens.

My favourite print authors are probably Ngugi, John Burnside, LM Montgomery, Roald Dahl, Alice Hoffman and Oscar Wilde.

Is there any advice you'd give to aspiring writers?

Just do it. Keep doing it. Until you've actually scribbled or typed something down it's only ever an idea. Even if you hate it, keep it, try again. You can't get better at something you're not actually doing and thinking your ideas til you're blue in the face doesn't count! Read, learn what you like and don't, be inspired. Keep writing. And don't compare your work to the work of others, you'll never match "their voice" so don't try. Mark yourself against yourself, if you capture something better every time you sit down and write, you're headed the right way. Just do you, do it regularly, ask for help, and keep going!

Anything else you'd like to share that I missed?

I'd just like to say thank you for asking me to participate, I'm still finding my feet in this strange new fandom place and I am so very grateful to you for asking, to all those who read my writing and to everyone who has embraced me and made this such a great year, I've been a fangirl of many things, but it's my first time as part of a family and it's been such a lifeline.

Thank you so much to crossedbeams for talking with us! We’re always looking for authors both new and old favorites, so if you have suggestions please message us here, hit us up on twitter or facebook.

[redinkofshame]

Fic Writer’s 2016 Review/Fandomiversary

Late, as always. Tagged by @5ftgarden​ because she’s a total sweety!

I also added some Fandomiversary retrospection to the end, because it’s my first anniversary as a part of the fandom!

Total number of completed stories

1.5 Longfics (33 chapters), 18 prompts, and 3 one-shots... Not that I’m keeping track.

Total word count

about 136,400 words; 92k published (here or on AO3). 

...Not that I’m keeping track.

Fandoms written in

Dragon Age! And... More Dragon Age. Mostly Inquisition. Specifically, mostly Solavellan.

Looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Um, less. Definitely less. Because until a year go THIS WEEK I did not write fan fiction... Or anything else. (Happy fandomiversary, me!!)

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Marigolds in the Hanged Man was work of love that I didn’t think anyone would notice. It’s a long fic and it’s done, and there’s not much I would change about it. I’m really proud of it!

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Writing characters coded as a different race/ethnicity than myself terrifies me, tbh

Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?

To finish all the ones I have planned? Probably can’t do that all in a year, but I’m worried that I’ll lose interest and move on from Solavellan Hell before I finish the... Eight long fics I have in my head oh maker help me that’s going to kill me

More obtainable, let’s go with finishing Duck Pond, my Music AU, and another long fic?

Best story of the year?

I... I’m confused by this question. There’s a separate question for my personal favorite and most popular... What other qualifiers are there for best?

I would say Marigolds is the best technically correct, writing wise. I think I did good with chapter structure and what-not, for the most part.

Most popular story of the year?

Ao3: @ TheDuckPond, by sooo much--even back when it was just a one shot and I was focusing on Marigolds, this one always had the most kudos. 

Tumblr: Snuggly Nugs, again by a pretty big margin.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Solas’ Spirit, for sure. I have great affection for this one, but there’s no ship, so I don’t see it ever getting much attention. That’s okay. I’ll love it anyway.

Also Kirkwall Karaoke. It’s genius, people. 

Most fun story to write:

Ahaha, Bound and Bounding for sure. (nsfw!) It was so much fun that I wrote it even though it wasn’t my prompt. 

Story with the single sexiest moment:

Uhh... Either the one in the last question, or The Low Road. I’ve only written the 5 things that I would qualify as smut, so it’s not a big selection. Yet.

Most sweet story:

Hmm... I write a lot of fluff, so that’s a hard one. Probably The Right Directions, a Solavellan cooking fic. 

“Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:

Ahaha... Yeah, that one doesn’t leave my head. As for runner’s up... I don’t really have any of those, either. I’m pretty light on the angst (so far), and pretty non-existent on the messed-up. I would say Nightmare is the worst of mine, for sure.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

Hmmm.... I honestly don’t know if I’ve written one of those, yet. Does that make me a bad writer? I mean, I’ve learned a ton about Elle I didn’t know, and Marigold is braver than I knew, but if you don’t count OCs I don’t think I’ve had one of those moments yet :(

Most unintentionally telling story:

Hmm. I would say Duck Pond, but not in any crucial way. I’m sure I’ll write one of these some day, but right now the most telling things about me are Elle’s fear of being ineffectual and, you know, all the dom-y Solas smut. Hng.

Hardest story to write:

Duck Pond is impooossssiible. -.- It’s giving me so much grief!

Biggest disappointment:

I’m not very happy with how An Interesting Knight, Ten Pins, or Drinking With Fen’Harel turned out. (I’m not intentionally not linking them here--tumblr isn’t letting me.)

Biggest surprise:

Man, where do I start!

After the cut, I think, ‘cause this is already so long.

First of all, it’s shocking that I completely changed my biggest hobby for the first time in my adult life. Also that I’ve stuck with it, because I’m a quitter and I don’t stick with anything (but I’ve never had a TRUE OTP before, either).

Second, that @pansexualapostate jumped into the fandom with me! And also started writing! I was so happy I brought her into this hell with me, even if it took her 9 months to come around on Solas <3 <3 ily wifey! You’re amazing!

Third would be @5ftgarden ‘s support on Marigolds, zomg. She was so enthusiastic when I wasn’t expecting anyone to ever notice me. Having that one fan meant the world to me, motivation-wise (and more). I may have several screenshots of the nice things she used to tag my stories with <3

Fourth would be her DWC! It started as a silly little inside joke and turned into this big supportive thing. I don’t think any newbie writers used to get so much attention! Fifth or something would be the fandom. It was my first time joining one, and I thought I knew what to expect, but I didn’t have it all. There was a lot of discourse and it was scary, and my plan was just to sit on the sidelines and reblog pretty Solas pictures. My very first interaction with anyone was to be called a lesbophobe by a Sera blog I was following, so, yeah, not great. But now that I’m further immersed I see so much support and creativity and I love it. I’ve made so many friends that I genuinely care about, which honestly is a surprise. My spouse isn’t a part of the fandom, but they know everyone I talk regularly about by name! Sixthish, I guess Third Part B? Would be the other supporters. I feel like I have one big fan of each of my long fics, so when I start feeling insecure about them I can seek them out, and they’re amazing and I love them. (@5ftgarden for Marigolds, @tel-abelas-mofo for Duck Pond, and @thevikingwoman for SHHS.) I’m not trying to exclude anyone else, though. <3 I love all my supporters, even those that are less vocal. I’m not very vocal, myself, tbh.

Oh, and one more--I’m almost at 100 followers! Weird! I know it’s gotta be because of the DWC... So cool. So... Thanks, if anyone read all that. It’s been a hell of a year, and I’m looking forward to the next one!  And if you were tagged at any point in this, that’s your tag to do the meme ^~