#life is REALLY BAD now. and when i was a kid it was unimaginably worse

[ideal-real]

looks at you. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED PRAYING TO THE ABUSE VICTIM BIBLE (PERSONA 5) TODAY?

[apupp3tw0-strings]

About Jesters and Puppets

Date: October 11th, 2131

Jevil. Once the court jester to the four kings of Card Kingdom, complimenting and partnering the court Magician, Seam. Were the two friends? Seam at least can't really say, but Jevil was the only one to match the old cat in games they used to play.

It seems like, for as far as anyone could really tell, Jevil used to be rather normal. He was silly, liked and was good with kids, and had a small penchant for pranks. Yet overall, the jester was sane and what you'd expect from someone whose job was to entertain and make people laugh.

That was until, at least, they encountered a "strange someone". A certain "strange someone" whom Kris says both Spamton and the other "secret bosses" have come across too. A "strange someone" who sends chills up my spine anytime I think about them and what they must be like to drive these Darkners to insanity.

After Jevil met the "strange someone", he began to change. Saying things "both bizarre yet bizarrely profound. Things that didn't completely make sense, yet didn't completely not make sense, either" They began to se the world as a game and everyone in it as its participants. Eventually leading to Seam having to lock him away...

Thinking back on it a few hours later, its kind of tragic. Not in the same way Spamton's story is (which I'll get to in a minute) but still sad. Like, you met someone whom I can only presume shows you or tells you something incomprehensible and unimaginable and changes your entire world view, seeing that you and your world are nothing but a game, and when you try and show our tell others, you end up imprisoned by the only person who you might've called a friend? Like, I get it was necessary since they were likely hurting people based on the analogy Kris gave CK when he asked about why Jevil was locked away if he only saw everything as a game, but still that's gotta suck. No wonder Jevil's crazy.

Anyways, after we finished talking to Seam and CK ran off to try and explain to Jevil how killing was bad since people can't respawn and Kris ran after him, I thanked Seam for their time and asked if there was anyone I could talk to to learn about Spamton. They pointed me in the direction of the Café, which is where we headed next.

At the Cafe, CK and I talked to a Darkner named Swatch while Kris checked on Spamton and Jevil after I heard a loud crashing sound and got worried. Apparently Spamton was trying to listen into the conversation and ended up falling off a dumpster... He said this isn't the first time this has happened and he's been through worse injuries, which worries me, but not quite as much as the rest of the stuff I've learned about Spamton today has.

Swatch used to be the head butler of Queen, the former ruler of the Cyber World, which was the 2nd Dark World Kris and their friends visited and the Dark World Spamton comes from. They could only tell me about what Spamton was like when it lived in the Mansion, as it didn't talk much about its life before that. (Knowing what I know now, hours later, I don't blame Spamton for not talking much about it. Part of me thinks I would've done the same.) Regardless, any information was helpful.

Spamton used to be an advertising Darkner called an Addison, and how it got to living in the Mansion was due to becoming incredibly successful and good at its job to the point of being recognized by Queen. I later learned through talking to some other Addisons, that Spamton didn't achieve such success on his own, and had help from some... mysterious caller. Likely the same "strange someone" that Jevil met. One day though, the mystery caller stopped calling and Spamton's sales plummeted. Eventually leading to Spamton getting evicted from the Mansion.

Another thing Swarch mentioned was a robot Spamton was obsessed with. Both before and after the eviction. A dream created by a Lightner, which Swatch helped create, before it seemingly went no where and they had to put it in the basement. Swatch even mocked up a sketch for CK and I, since we thought it might've been an early idea for my Dadaton's body, but the sketch didn't quite look like his EX form were familiar with. (Perhaps a form neither of us have seen before? I swear I've heard him talking to Alphys about a "NEO" form before but I've never seen it...) At some point, Spamton did get his hands on the robot. But then Kris and their friends defeated it and Spamton became their ally, like Jevil and later the other "secret bosses".

By this point in Swatch's telling of events, the commotion from outside was getting intense so I thanked Swatch for their time and CK and I rushed to the alleyway where Kris was trying to wrangle Spamton and Jevil under control. I also ended up breaking down because I felt guilty for lying to Spamton about what I was doing (you know, trying to learn about his past behind his back. I mean like, seemed clear HE wasn't gonna tell me! Still like... maybe I should've had a better respect for Spamton's privacy...) Anyways, after that Kris lead our little party to a street of shops to talk to some Addisons.

Also, side note, I think some time between the eviction and Spamton ending up on the streets, it might've been burned/shrunk by an acid river? The askers have brought it up a lot and I can't tell if Spamton's random shouting about it burning refers to being blinded in some way (he seemed to have no problem just staring directly at the sun...) or to the acid. Either way, I'm very concerned. Also, another side note, Spamton didn't used to be a puppet. The Addisons are all very colorful and glowy and might still have the same permanent smile as Spam, but Spamton didn't used to have to segmented joints or ventriloquist jaw he does now. Nor did it used to be quite as short. Kris theorizes that the acid could've shrunk him a bit, and maybe pushed the puppetification to the end, but that the puppetification started before that. And like... can I just say how absolutely horrifying that sounds!? I was BORN a puppet (Puppet monster technically, I'm not actually a- nevermind) and even still the idea of slowly becoming a puppet, seeing your body change and feeling your free will be stripped away as someone tugs at your strings? That's scary!! That's absolutely horrifying! Dear god, I feel even worse for Spamton now!

I- anyways. We went to talk to the Addisons. There were 4 of them, a blue one like the one we saw earlier by the mannequin, a yellow one, an orange one and a pink one. I never actually got their names but I think the yellow one was named Flash and the pink one was named Click? (Don't think the orange or blue ones had name drops during the duration of the conversation...) My conversation with them was like, incredibly awkward. At the start of it I panicked and just gave them pretty much the rest of the Dark Dollars I had on me? I... I'm still embarrassed by that. It just felt so... nerve wrecking with their smiles and how they all stared at me!! It felt like any time Taffy or the HotSpots want me to give a pitch at the weekly influencer meetings I hate but am too afraid to tell them I don't want to go to anymore! (Good gosh I really really REALLY hope none of them find this blog...)

Anyways, after that and then trying to beat around the bush a bit since Swatch was already reluctant to talk about Spamton (these 4 seemed even more reluctant plus there was so much tension and drama), the cat got out of the bag when CK finally blurted out Spamton's name. Being confused with how we all seemed to be avoiding it before stating we were all being weird and going to hang out with Jevil until we were done talking. After that, we seemed to finally make some headway in talking about Spamton.

Prior to its time at the Mansion, Spamton was just like the rest of the Addisons, if maybe a bit unlucky. He never seemed to be able to get clicks or attention from the Lightners and wasn't all that good at his job. (Gyeh heh. I can relate to not being good at advertising despite everyone around you doing it and expecting you to as well...) Even still, Spamton was optimistic. Often saying that its big break was right around the corner and for everyone to just wait and see because one day Spamton G. Spamton was gonna make it big! One day he was gonna be a Big Shot!

Until eventually one day, Spamton made the right call and found someone. Or maybe someone found him. Either way, Spamton suddenly got really good at its job and according to the Addisons, it felt like it was on the phone all the time. Eventually Spamton got recognized by Queen and was invited to live in the Mansion and... that's when some sort of disagreement broke out. The Addisons felt Spamton didn't need them anymore since he'd made it so big, and Spamton thought they were just jealous. They all stopped talking for... well pretty much since even now.

Even still, some of them tried to visit on the day Spamton was to be evicted. They still had to care somewhat. But, according to the blue one, Spamton wasn't there. The only thing in its trashed room was a phone hanging off the receiver. On the other end, nothing but garbage noise... After that, none of them heard anything from or about Spamton until after Kris and their friends defeated him back in Cyber World. ... They just... abandoned it. Forgot about him and tried to move on with their lives like nothing happened. ... Disgusting.

I... I know its not entirely their fault. Kris mentioned that Spamton or maybe Spamton's mystery caller pushed it to cut them off too but... Spamton was their friend. He'd just been evicted, plus likely dunked in acid and kicked out to the streets. The only one to try looking for it was Flash! And even then he still spent god knows how long living on the streets, both in Cyber World AND Castle Town!! Like... if I ever got into any sort of fight like that with Taffy or Blane or Blaze or Neil and we broke up, I don't... I don't know how I'd feel then. Upset? Bitter? Angry? Probably... If they abandoned me in my greatest time of need? ... I think I'd be devastated...

I thanked the Addisons for their time, nearly paying them a second time. Before I managed to completely walk away, Click stopped me and asked if I could tell Spamton that they're all sorry. He hesitated a bit after almost saying I before correcting to we.

... I promised I'd have Spamton come talk to them with its ready.

When I saw Spamton again, I gave him a hug.

Felt like he could use one.

[cornertheculprit]

okay more plvsaa spoilers

is there anything quite as sad as interacting with things around the tavern and hearing phoenix say things like "if maya were here, i bet she'd be trying to jump up and take one of those candles..." GOD. and then. AND THEN!!!!!! he tries to go to sleep and:

Phoenix: ............

Phoenix: ...Maya...

Phoenix: ...If only...I'd been able...to save you...

Phoenix: ...It never would have come to this...

Phoenix: ............

Phoenix: ...Just great. I should be ready to pass out right now. ...But I just can't fall asleep.

and then he gets UP and talks with rouge and:

Phoenix: [Luke] seems to be in good spirits, but...deep inside he must be hurting really bad. He just lost someone very dear to him. But he's trying so hard to hide it.

Rouge: ...

Phoenix: Then there's Espella... She had a new accusation thrown at her and is again at risk of being burned alive. And...Maya. I can't stop thinking how her death was completely my fault... That's why I need to be stronger... But I can't. I just feel so...hopeless. I'm the only one who can protect Luke and Espella. ...But I'm scared. I'm scared that what happened to Maya will happen again...

Rouge: ...Maya, huh? I caught wind of what happened today in court. She seemed...very important to you.

Phoenix: ... I'm...all right. I'm just...not sure I can protect those two. More than that...I just don't want them to think I might fail them.

Rouge: ............ You want to protect them...and don't want them to think you'll fail...huh? That all sounds well and good. ...But you want to know what I think? I think you're just telling yourself what you want to hear.

Phoenix: Huh? What do you mean?

Rouge: I think the words coming out of your mouth right now are downright selfish.

Phoenix: H-hey, what are you...

Rouge: Have you taken a second to step back from your wallowing and think about how worried they must be about you right now?

Phoenix: ...

Rouge: So it's hopeless, huh? Do you think those kids are hopeless too? Pssh, don't make me laugh! You wanna see hopeless? That's easy. Just take a look in the mirror.

Phoenix: ...!

Rouge: How do you expect to protect those two if you can't even manage to get a hold of yourself?

Phoenix: I-I...

Rouge: ...It's okay. I get it. You had some really...really rough stuff happen to you today. Unimaginably sad, emotionally trying stuff.

Phoenix: ......

Rouge: That's why the first thing you need to do...is just accept it. Accept it all. The sadness, the remorse...everything. Honestly, I don't blame you for expressing just how hard this whole situation has been on you. Who could?

Phoenix: ...... ...I...I can never forgive myself for letting this happen...I couldn't do anything...not a single thing! I did nothing to help Maya at all... Maya...she gave her own life to save Espella! If only I'd been quicker... If only I could've done something... Maya would still be... ...She'd still be here by my side... ...... It's all my fault... ......

Rouge: ......

LIKE. GOD. GODDDDDD. EVERY TIME I THINK THEY CAN'T MAKE IT HURT WORSE THEY DO. HE SAW MAYA (SEEMINGLY) DIE!!! RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!!!! and THEN!!!! WHEN HE GOES BACK UPSTAIRS TO LUKE (who was listening in on the whole conversation):

Luke: ...Mr Wright.

Phoenix: Oh...sorry, Luke, did I wake you up? ...Is Espella still asleep?

Luke: Yup. She's out like a light. She must have been really tired.

Phoenix: Yeah...

Luke: Um...Mr Wright?

Phoenix: Hm?

Luke: Starting tomorrow... I'm going to give 110...no, 210 per cent!

Phoenix: Wh-whoa! Where'd that come from all of a sudden?

Luke: I...just want to help you stay focused, Mr Wright.

Phoenix: Luke...

Luke: I'm sure with Espella and me on your side, we can take on anything that comes our way! There's no puzzle out there tough enough to stop the likes of us!

Phoenix: Ha ha. No puzzle too tough, huh? That sure sounds like the Luke I know.

Luke: Ah ha... I guess it does, huh?

Phoenix: Luke...you've really helped me get back on my feet. I can definitely see why you're the professor's apprentice.

Luke: That I am!

Phoenix: Let's give it our best, Luke. As an ace attorney and an ace apprentice.

Luke: Right you are!

Phoenix: All right, so...what do you say we get some rest, huh?

Luke: ...I'm all for that! Good night, Mr Wright.

Phoenix: Good night, Luke.

luke's just lost the professor and phoenix has just lost maya and they encouraging each other to stay strong throughout it all. and he calls luke an ace apprentice just like pearl.....bro.....BRO..............

[happymooncomputer]

Narcissistic Abuse

Why is it that I always attract the narcissists and woman abusers? Is it me? Is it them? Is it because I have suffered from abuse my entire life, so I attract those kinds of men? Many people have many different theories on this, I'm not really sure which to believe anymore, or maybe it's a combination of all of them, who knows?!

This last one though, wow! He takes the cake! For this, I need to give a little backstory.

So, we met about four years ago, online. The thing is, we had both went to the same high school, and knew a ton of the same people. We had even crossed paths a time or two, without ever even acknowledging one another.

Anyway, we started dating near the end of 2020. If you can call it dating, being that we never really went on any "dates". The relationship moved pretty fast, and I kept telling myself " this one is going to kill you, this one is going to completely destroy you, turn around, what are you doing"? Of course I didn't listen to that inner voice, now why would I ever do that? And so it goes, I kept seeing him anyway, despite my inner voice telling me to run, run, as fast as I can. I moved in with him some months later, it was just easier that way, and he always wanted me to be with him, whenever possible.

Fast forward a few months. My 17 (at the time)yr old, and her boyfriend came to stay with us. They cooked us dinner a few times, and everything went perfectly fine.

July 2nd (which also just happened to be HIS bday) 2021, we both went to work, in a different town, and left the 17 and 18 yr olds unattended. After all, they are pretty much adults, right? Well, they decided to fry chicken and I got the phone call at work, from my frantic, scared, little girl. The house caught on fire, and very quickly got out of control. It was a very old farmhouse, combined with a grease fire, so it spread at an unimaginable speed! Her bf first shoved her out the door, and went back in with the hose to try to put out the flames. He did not know that water and oil don't mix, he had never experienced anything like this before. None of us had.

Needless to say, the whole house was a total loss. The children both got out safe, and only suffered with some smoke inhalation, and the bf had a few minor burns. However, this was extremely traumatic for both of them, for all of us, but more so for them.

In order to save time, I'm just going to tell you now, this man, who lost his home, he had insurance, and he was paid handsomely for everything he lost, and then some. My kids and I, however, were not covered on the insurance, so everything we lost, was just gone. He never bothered to replace ANYTHING THAT WE LOST. He made the choice, that very day, to keep us in his life. He "loved us and we were going to get through this together". Do you really think that's how it went?? Oh no, this so called man, kept us close, me even closer, to torture me and abuse me, for two years. He broke my back, literally, with his physical abuse. Then, when I was unable to work because of it, he tormented and tortured me over money, even though he had a bank account full, which allowed him to not work, hardly at all, and buy anything his heart desired. I, however, was just a piece of shit, because I didn't work. I put up with this torment and torture for over a year, before we finally got the new house. I thought things would get better. I was wrong, again! It only got worse. He kept on with this abuse for about another nine months, before I just couldn't take anymore. I felt SO LOW. I had never thought about suicide more in my entire life.

I finally decided to leave, which I still feel was the wrong choice. The place I had to go back to, is almost just as bad. The only difference is, I don't get beat on and thrown around. Why do I feel so guilty and ashamed? So unloved? So powerless? So fucking alone? How is this fair? He justifies his abuse by saying that my kid burned his house down. He got back tenfold, and is avoiding a lifetime of headaches and repairs that he would have had to deal with, in the old farmhouse. Now I get that it's devastating to lose your childhood home, I do. It sucks! But how is he justified in treating me like a piece of shit? In torturing and tormenting me, and taking everything from me, dropping me in a hole somewhere, and leaving me with absolutely nothing?? How is this acceptable? How can his family possibly still think he's such a great man, and agree with him?? How?!

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

I’ve been thinking of this for a while and i need to ask this in the best possible faith i can: what in the WORLD made you decide to give birth instead of adopting? I can only see it as an unimaginable cruelty to bring a life into this world, the number of kids needing adoption, AND the horrible trauma that is pregnancy and child birth. I really wanna understand how, idk, the intimacy of that? Overrides it all? I don’t get your decision and i want to at least try my very hardest

this is a very common question and i don't fault you at all for asking it, but i'm laying out all of my thoughts right now in this answer and i'm not interested in continuing the conversation honestly. not for any annoyed feelings or anything, just because it was a lot to type out and i dont feel like thinking about heavy serious stuff like this any further for a bit, im stressed today lmao this is my limit.

why did i decide to get pregnant instead of adopt?

i am a fundamentally selfish person. my first priority has always and will always be myself and my family, and my/our wants and needs. i dont ask for much. so when i do, i get it. this isn't a brag, it's a fact of my life. for better or for worse(frequently for minor debt), i find a way to get what i want.

following that train of thought, i want a child that looks like me and my husband. what is more selfish than wanting to look at yourself all day long? nothing comes to mind really. all my life i saw pictures of myself as a baby and i wanted that for me. and, as previously emphasized, have that now.

sometimes i think about the way i was raised and think "why. how. what could have you looking at your child that you made, carried and raised, and lead you to this decision." i want to know first hand. i want to understand my mother, and myself. i want to treat someone the way i wanted to be treated. with respect and validation and deference. i want to prove to myself that they could have done that for me.

i wanted the experience of being pregnant and wondered how it would affect my worldview, my view of others, family and friends, of my partner, of myself. i have that information and experience now. i hated the physical feeling of being pregnant, but i loved my body at that point truly and more fully that i ever have. or ever will again. i genuinely for the first time felt so positive and loving towards my body, and that was an experience i wouldn't give up for the world. also having a c section wasn't that bad for me. being in LABOR for 50+ hours was dicks but the actual birth part was ezpz. i've had plenty of surgeries and this one was no different expect for being awake. it was surreal and scary obviously but honestly it was fun looking back on it. not a lot of people can say that, but i mean it.

i always faulted my mother for having me. i didn't ask for it. i didn't want it. there were times i truly hated her for it. i dont anymore. the world was always awful. it will always be awful. it was also always beautiful. and it will always be beautiful. babies will continue to be born regardless. i dont want charlie to be anyone or do anything. i just want them to have fun. i want them to know joy and feel sunshine and rain and cold noses and sweaty palms. i want to take them to the aquarium, and to the movies, and on their first roller coaster. certainly the world is a frightening and painful place. but i want it to be fun.

keep these points at the top. the rest of what i'm about to say are my true feelings, but they're not me saying 'ooohhh my reasons are pure and noble~!' no. im selfish. i do feel this way, but first and foremost, im selfish and im acknowledging that. everyone should. there is no pure and selfless reason to have a child and more people need to acknowledge that fact.

i am not opposed to adoption, but i am opposed to the privatized, for profit, infant adoption industry. and it absolutely is an industry. after hearing from many people who have experienced it first hand, it occurred to me that, duh, buying a baby is fucking weird and creepy. not only that but a good majority of the time, those tens of thousands of dollars aren't even going to the birth parent, it's all to the agency. that's not right. like god, if you're going to get paid for handing out children at least close out the invoice from your vendor. its insane and depressing.

speaking of the birth parent, the amount of first hand accounts i've watched and read about where the (often teenage) birth parent is coerced heavily into giving up their child, and they they come to understand later that they didn't have to, that they could have managed, and that they didn't want to and felt forced or coerced by adults to follow through is horrifying. i dont want to support a system like that. i don't want to run the risk of participating in the unimaginable traumatizing of a frightened child. my baby was taken from my arms and put into the nicu 20 hours after being born. the pain i felt then was an ice cold stab that did not cease until i got to finally visit hours and hours later. it laid there, numbing me from the inside, for the five days it took until we were able to all go home together. and it took time to melt. how could i twist that knife on someone else? how could i be the reason it freezes to their ribcage and keeps sawing the serrated edge against their heart forever? i dont want to be that person.

certainly there are also times where genuinely the best thing for the child is that they are far away from their family for good. but who am i, as a layperson, as a stranger, to insert myself into that decision making process? is the mother an underaged addict who threatened to sell the baby for drugs? or are they just a scared and suicidal kid whose smoked pot twice and looking for any other reason to add to a list of "justifications for offing myself"? did they get assaulted and don't want a reminder of the worst day of their life? or did their mother make them say that because their parents dont like the boyfriend? do they need real help and reunification? or are they an actual danger to the child? none of these are my business, but in the best interests of the child, the answers matter. the agency looking into those questions has an implicit bias against the birth parent, because a successful adoption means profit for them. which leads me to:

i cannot fully trust that the people facilitating the adoption have the best interests of each party involved, because they are making a profit. how do i trust someone whose paycheck hinges on me accepting their version of the facts? to feel personally okay with the decision, i would have to know for certain myself, verify the facts myself, and who the hell am i to get up in a total strangers business like that during the most traumatizing point in their life? that would be fucked. that would be so fucked. i would HATE that. i don't want to do that to somebody else.

the goal of foster placements is reunification as long as thats in the best interests of the child. i want to fully raise a child from birth to adulthood and then die knowing my child felt secure and loved their whole life, i don't want the constant grim overhang of "next week could be the last time i see you ever again." and as we established in chapter one, my priority is the wants and needs of myself and my family. because i'm a selfish person.

these are the thoughts i have about it. this is not me saying "oh my reasons are better because this and that" or "oh people should or shouldnt have kids because of this and that" they are simply my reasons and my feelings and i am not placing moral value on them. i believe that if someone doesn't want to have children or be pregnant, they absolutely should not have to be. finally completing a pregnancy and having a living baby has made me more pro-choice than ever.

and just to reiterate. i'm not open to discussing this, not for annoyed reasons, just for exhaustion reasons. im not a fan of deep diving into complex topics or complicated feelings. im stressed rn lol.

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

time travel aus, amirite? since we’ve all decided to start talking about our ideas, i thought i’d throw my hat into the ring. i’ve actually had this idea for a while, i just wasn’t sure what to do with it because i barely have the patience for one-shots, let alone the continuous plotted longfic this would need

it’s not my idea, of course, i’m incapable of original thought. it’s based off this can-i-really-call-it-a-genre-if-it’s-two-fics-with-the-same-premise where some combination of maedhros, maglor, elros, and elrond land in the blessed realm before - even the unchaining, in my take, when the ambarussa are still children and the world is blissful. it’s more specifically my take on this fic, which takes elrond and elros from very early in their captivity and maedhros from just before the silmaril theft and maglor from several centuries into the second age. i just plugged my own characterisations into it, and, uh. the specific setup this not-genre uses is that maitimo and makalaurë *~mysteriously disappear,~* throwing their extended family into chaos, blah blah blah, and then a few decades later -

well. with my characterisations, we have a nightmare hellbeast who’s burned up everything he used to be in singular pursuit of an unreachable goal and has carved his very self into a weapon, a completely drained beaten-up husk barely cognisant of reality past the screaming in his mind who’s so utterly broken it’s debatable if he even counts as an elda, and two extremely young extremely traumatised children in a completely unfamiliar land- and skyscape whose only adult they can maybe-kind-of trust is currently bleeding from the eyes and shrieking wordless notes of utter despair

yeah, this au’s Fun. elrond and elros have maybe eight words of quenya between them, most of which are obscene, maedhros will act completely normal until he suddenly stabs himself in the arm because can’t this stupid hallucination end already, he has a character arc to tank, and maglor seems completely unaware he’s not still on the beach having the same cyclic arguments with the ghosts of the people he failed. the elves of valinor aren’t completely unprepared to deal with this, at least not the ones who remember cuiviénen, but it’s still a massive shock to see two of the children they came to the land of the gods to protect twisted and scarred like the worst victims of the dark. especially since noone can figure out why

so yeah. i have trouble finishing oneshot collections, so i doubt i’ll ever write this out in full, but i do have a lot of Scenes. fëanáro staring in utter horror at the oath, whispering ‘i made this.’ elros and elrond’s somewhat hole-filled explanation of their backstory devolving into a sindarin argument, and when the family asks tyelkormo what they’re talking about he freezes before saying ‘they’re arguing about whether maitimo killed their mother.’ the moment maglor finally managed to get through what happened after they got the silmarils to maedhros, who immediately switches from off-the-cuff self-harm to well-planned suicide attempts. the five-minute period the family hellspawn’s working theory was ‘they’re maitimo and makalaurë from an alternate universe where we’re evil’ (‘is there an evil version of me??? does he eat kids???????’ - tyelko) finwë going full bulldoze taniquetil in the background. fun times, might write some snippets in the future

but i like to think through the mechanics of this kind of time travel story too much, so i started wondering where maitimo and makalaurë, yanno, went. i quickly came to the conclusion that they probably swapped places with their evil future selves, giving me three time travel aus for the price of one! technically four but (a) i’m not sure if or with who the twins would swap and (b) if they did their alternate selves are probably having a really bad time and i don’t particularly want to think about it. the stories maitimo and makalaurë are in... they’re not necessarily any happier, but they are a lot more wtftastic

maitimo falls asleep under the light of the trees, on a relaxing retreat from the demands of court life and family-induced disasters. he wakes up in a world that’s almost completely dark, surrounded by plants he’s never seen before and wearing clothing designed for a much warmer climate, the scent of death in the air. now permanently separated from all his old problems, maitimo rapidly acquires several exciting new ones, including but not limited to:

everyone he ever loved being dead or worse

the lone possible exception, his last surviving little brother, being an almost unrecognisable blood-drenched kinslayer who hates everything in the universe especially himself

said blood-drenched kinslayer almost immediately imprinting on him like a grouchy murderous duckling

his future self having apparently wanted to kill even more people, why

getting dogpiled by like thirty dudes in full armour the instant they showed up at the army of the west’s camp to surrender

getting soul-scanned by eönw two minutes later. not fun

arafinwë pulling him into an enormous hug and then bursting into tears

the subsequent explanation as to just what happened to him and his brothers, which somehow got worse after he’d already thought they’d hit rock bottom like four separate times

proceeding to lose a staring contest with findaráto

the way everyone in camp looks at him like he’s an incredibly dangerous wild animal that might bite at any time

how if half of what arafinwë said is true he can’t even blame them, fuck, fuck

the twin half-elven(?????????????) princes he and his brother apparently kidnapped and held hostage for years, inflicting unimaginable cruelties as far as anyone knows

his first meeting with the kids happening when elrond broke into where they were holding maglor to scream at him in very loud very fast very angry sindarin for like half an hour

maglor just staring at him, eyes wide, ears pinned back, the whole time, and then trying to maul the first guard who mocked him for it

getting saddled with kinslayer containment duties in the aftermath of that whole incident

elrond punching him in the collarbone when he tried to apologise, shouting ‘you weren’t there, don’t you dare try to tell me what it was like’

elros’ visible half second of pure terror after the blow hit home

elros then using recognisable techniques from maitimo’s debate team circuit during a speech to the edain

like, clearly some shit did happen, but it’s obviously not what the local leadership’s afraid of

this sour-faced scar-covered warrior slipping out of the shadows in an unpopulated part of camp, kneeling before him, intoning ‘the swords of the host remain at your disposal my lord’ and then immediately vanishing

he didn’t recognise them until after they’d left but they were definitely one of his philosophy club friends, what even

just generally having woken up in a future a thousand times worse than his darkest nightmares

his natural instinct is to try and fix things, but how?? what’s even left to fix????

maglor sometimes goes into these unhinged desperate spiralling rambles directed at the older brother who exists in his head rather than the one in front of his eyes. whatever’s left of maitimo’s biggest little brother is clearly in so much pain

all the things he’s trying extremely hard not to think about because if he slows down enough to he’s pretty sure he’ll collapse

all the people he’s never met who hate him for pretty understandable reasons and whose social structure he now has to learn to have any hope of making it out of All This

the edain’s collective insistence on calling him pasthros

curufinwë isn’t even a hundred how does he have a kid

makalaurë, on the other hand, wakes up on a beach beneath a giant glowing orb. finding himself in a land so much barer than what he knows, among people whose souls don’t even work like his, his initial working theory is he’s been abducted by aliens

[angry-geese]

Fireside

Leone Abbacchio x Gn!Reader

Warnings: sfw. mentions of violence and injury. pre vento aureo

Notes: how Abbacchio met his s/o + some relationship fluff

When Abbacchio heard that there was going to be a new member of Bucciarati's gang, he was less than thrilled.

Abbacchio hated when the group expanded. He hated the new faces, the new names to memorize, and how didn't know them yet. He had no way of knowing if they were reliable or not. He hated change. Every day for him was on repeat: get up, work for Bruno, drink himself to sleep. He was content with the way things were. He's never eager to see something change.

If you had any say in the matter, you would have never joined Passione. After a debt brought on by your family, you found yourself running out of options. It was join or die. You would be assigned to Bucciarati's gang after passing Polpo's test. The stand you gained wasn't strong enough for you to join the guard, or even the hitman team. For that, you often considered yourself lucky. Things could always be better; its them getting worse that worries you.

Passione was nothing like the old mafia movies you watched as a kid. You're not quite sure what you expected, but this was a lot worse.

Bruno was a decent leader- his teammates respected him and he only tried to kill you once. Compared to some of the others, you had it easy. Narancia and Mista warmed up to you rather quick. They were a bit hyper for your liking, but soon grew on you. Fugo took longer to come around, but eventually got used to you. When Abbacchio first laid eyes on you, he couldn't figure out why you were there. For as new as you were, you held your own pretty well. You weren't outright weak, but it was clear you had not been in the life for long. It was impressive, but not enough to say anything about it. Compared to the others, you were reserved. That didn't mean you were quiet. If the others got you going, you could be just as loud as them. Nobody was spared from your and Narancia's pranks. You grew into your stand. Bucciarati made the transition easier. They quickly became family; your annoying brothers and adoptive father.

Early on Abbacchio was a real prick.

Overall he was hostile and prickly. His personality was hard to get along with. In the beginning you kept your distance. You quickly became too consumed with work to worry about him, and pushed him to the back of your mind. Abbacchio gave you a week before you either broke down, or were killed. For him to respect a newer member, they had to prove themselves to the gang.

You lasted longer than he expected you to.

Over the year that you would work for Bucciarati, you had only been assigned on a handful of jobs with Abbacchio. Your conversations had been few, and only in passing. It pissed you off just a little bit. While you weren't the most personable either- at times you were outwardly hostile- you figured he'd have come around by now. With as aggressive as you could be, it shocked him just how easily you charmed the others. To him, it almost felt artificial; it was a skill bred from the need to survive in Passione's underground, not true charisma. He never failed to let you know that you hadn't proved yourself to him.

You two were only sent on the same assignment together because everyone else was busy. Despite your reservations about Abbacchio, there wasn't much you wouldn't do for Bruno. It was only one job. If it was that bad, you'd ask to not be partnered with him again.

Your job was to retrieve a dead drop, then return to the hideout. It wasn't anything high-stakes. Abbacchio sat the entire car ride in silence. It wasn't hard to tell when he was having a rough day. He was never the most talkative, but he always participated in whatever conversation the others were having- if only to insult them. Today he was quiet, which didn't seem like a good sign. If someone gave you an inch, you'd take a mile. Getting them to talk was a way to get the ball rolling. Any polite conversation you tried to have was shot down with a glare, so you quickly scrapped that idea. You figured he was hungover, and thought it best to leave him alone.

You suppose it was better than him complaining. There was only so much you could put up with.

It was really no fault of your own that things went wrong. Expect everything that can go wrong, to go wrong. The mission wasn't supposed to be high-stakes; there was no reason why another group would be after the dead drop. A rival gang spotted you and went for the package. Abbacchio took it and ran while you tried to hold them off for as long as possible.

As you were heading back to the car, you were cornered.

The kid couldn't have been much younger than you. He aimed a gun between you and Abbacchio, who was only a few feet behind you. He gives you two no time to respond, and only hesitates for a moment when he pulls the trigger.

He missed.

You still don't know how he missed, only taking a moment to thank whatever higher power that just saved your ass. That didn't stop your short life from flashing before your eyes. The bullet struck the ground just a few feet behind you, sending up a spray of dirt and rocks. Part of him couldn't believe that someone was willing to take a bullet for him. Really, you were just trying to protect the package, but it was probably better if he didn't know that.

On the trip back home he scolded you for being so reckless. Since the kid missed, you saw no issue in it. What he feels isn't a sense of pride, more than it is guilt.

He found you less annoying than he'd ever admit.

Whatever you did, it planted the seed of affection within him. Admittedly he was the last place to nurture feelings, and akin to planting flowers in a barren desert while refusing to water them, it didn't stop it from blooming.

There was a mutual respect between the two of you. The man was a mess, and rarely sober, but began to pick himself up a bit. This did not go unnoticed, though the others rarely mentioned it. You would go on to be assigned more jobs together. He was getting less and less vocal about how much he disliked you. While you didn't talk much, you spent a lot of time together. He often found your presence comforting. He'd grown to not only tolerate your company, but enjoy it. The two of you would never admit to being friends- he was too stubborn for that- but that's what you seemed to be.

On late nights he'd walk with you to your apartment. He claimed he didn't want you to get mugged, and that you lived in a bad part of town, but the act was dropped when you mentioned him being chivalrous. You would invite him in for a drink or two. While you didn't want to encourage his bad habits, he never said no to a glass of wine. He never said no to you. You'd had gotten used to being around him. The little spare time you had was spent with him- not doing anything in particular. It never had to be anything special, often times you just lounged around the hideout together.

One night he was out for a job later than usual.

He insisted on taking this one alone. Bruno raised an eyebrow to that, but made no comment on it. Abbacchio had been in a bad mood all day, and while they couldn't prove it was you, the others had the sneaking suspicion it was. You argued. Often. It was rarely serious. He showed his affection by bullying people. What he threw at you, you would send right back.

As much as you didn't like him going alone, you didn't fight it. Mostly out of spite.

By then the others had gone to bed- or gone home for the night. It was only you left at the hideout. On the few nights he'd go straight home, he'd shoot you a text. There wasn't any particular reason you stayed back for him. Maybe it was a gut feeling. It felt a bit childish to wait by the door. He was your partner and you weren't eager to see him sent back in a pine box. Unfortunately, he was important to you.

By the time the door opens, you're dozing off. You're on your feet the moment you hear it.

"You scared the hell out of me." You say.

"The front door. Scared you." He says.

"You scared me," dramatically you roll your eyes, "asshole. You always tell me when you'll be gone this late."

His heart races when you give him a once-over for injuries. While you don't touch him, the way your gaze travels over his body makes him a bit anxious. On his best days he doesn't want to be looked at, on his worst its unimaginable- he just doesn't want to be perceived. If he had any say in it, he wouldn't care about how you saw him. But you make him worry about how others view him.

"This isn't your blood I hope." You say.

Slowly he nods.

You motion for him to sit, before grabbing the first-aid kit from the other room. The wound looks better when all the blood is cleaned away, and doesn't appear to need stitches. Gently you set your hand on his. It's rather cold. When he doesn't pull away- or show any sign of discomfort- you wrap your arms around his neck.

"What are you-"

"Just let me have this." You say. "We don't have to talk about it ever again."

His arms awkwardly wrap around you, his head resting in the crook of your neck. He can't remember the last time someone has held him like this. The smell of your shampoo is comforting. His heartbeat drops for a second before picking up in pace.

"I was worried about you." You say.

No matter how many times he goes over it in his head, he still doesn't believe it. It's not that he doesn't feel the same way- he's head-over-heels for you- but he's in denial about it.

"I love you."

It's under your breath, and so quiet that he almost has to do a double take.

"Say it again..." He says.

"I love you."

He doesn't believe it, but he's so content in your arms he won't question it. He could die happy in this moment.

It would take the others weeks to realize you two were dating.

To their credit, it was sooner than you expected. Not much changed when you made things official. Abbacchio wasn't a fan of pda. They were only tipped off because of Narancia. The prank was harmless- he did that sort of thing all the time- but god it pissed Abbacchio off. Nobody had seen him that mad in years. When you told him to calm down, and that it didn't bother you, he sat in the corner to brood.

You moved in together not long after that. The change felt natural, and took little effort from either of you. It was easy to settle into a routine with him, seeing as you spent so much time at his apartment anyway. Abbacchio always woke up first, although he stayed in bed until you woke up. He's not sentimental- nor will he ever admit to be- but he never passed up the opportunity to watch you while you were so at peace. His nightmares existed long before Passione. He rarely slept, and usually got four hours on a good night. Sleeping next to you helped.

On the rare days off you had together, you spent your time lounging around your apartment. When he was sober, he was a decent cook, and often made dinner for the two of you. He preferred dates at home, over going out in public. He'd bring you coffee while the two of you would watch Italian soap operas. If he was feeling particularly soft, he'd let you braid his hair. Physical touch was something he was still getting used to. It's not that he didn't like it; it was unfamiliar to him and that made him uncomfortable. If it made you happy, he'd try it, even if he personally didn't see the appeal.

He often finds himself thinking about the future. Before it never seemed too bright. Thinking about his past is an almost immediate slope into self loathing. He wasn't all better, but he was healing. Both you and Bruno made sure of that. There wasn't much that he wouldn't do for you.

Every day he wakes up slightly more in love than the last.

[nomunamuinmybrain]

Work you out (M)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Rating: M

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2.4K

In collaboration with the lovely @alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn94

Disclaimer: if you are under the age of 18 please know that this contains heavy sexual themes and mature language.

Summary: Working for Hybe has been an experience. Being Jungkook’s manager is another story. His sharp eyes, firm jawline and snarky attitude was a deadly combination to begin with. The guy easily found his way to your heart and you simply couldn't take it anymore.

Thinking back to how I managed to land such an unimaginable employment opportunity must have been a miracle. Unquestionably, working for HYBE had so many benefits; I swore to never leave this place. Sure, I was a simple manager's assistant, but I was by the side of one of the managers that handled the most important talent in the stretch of South Korea, the entire globe to be honest, BTS. I was assigned the position of assistant to the manager of one of the guys, none other than Jeon Jungkook. I really couldn’t believe my luck. Not only was I a part of one of the most skyrocketing influential enterprises in the country, but I also had the chance to meet some of the most inspiring people in the whole world! Who would have thought?!

Did I have a crush on the guy by the end of my first month working here? Yes, but who wouldn't? He is the sweetest, always polite and courteous. I've met my share of self-boasting asshats; this industry is flooded with such. This guy is worth billions and he has remained ridiculously humble. Word got around about him being a wonderful young man and I could positively say he is so much more up close. Jungkook is ridiculously handsome that’s a given already, but his personality was the real deal-maker. He reminds me of a dark stormy thundery night where I cover myself with my favourite warm fluffy blanket starring out of the window a rich flavored hot chocolate in hand.

In general, I quite enjoy working at the company’s principled environment. Don’t get me wrong, nothing in this world is rainbows and butterflies, but overall, I can confidently say that it’s been a mainly positive experience. Thankfully, the department I am in is assembled by kind, funny people who like to get things done. There hasn’t been a day were I regretted coming here. As for my daily duties as an assistant, working for Jungkook meant keeping up with his appointments, helping him with anything at anytime, managing his schedule, making sure it matches with the other guys' and so much more. I was required to work around the clock and as a single independent woman in her late twenties who was trying to figure out the world around her that didn’t sound like such a bad idea, though I digress. Essentially, I was one of the employees responsible for pretty much anything and everything he needed. Our department was at his disposal 24/7 running around, living that busy life.

That's until the pandemic struck. That was the first time I thought to myself that this might be nature’s valiant plan to get back what man so forcefully took from her. Suddenly, everything was canceled; life got put on a hold. My dearest supervisor, Jungkook's manager, had to stay at home because he had kids. In fact, a lot of people had to stay at home. Abruptly, days became weeks and weeks became months. The desperation and frustration we were feeling was like nothing else ever experienced. Truthfully, it felt like something had been stolen from us and we could never get it back. In this manner, when the gears finally started grinding again I was assigned to be the on-site manager for Jungkook. That meant being in direct contact with him more so than before and of course, being responsible for a ton of other obligations.  

Not going to lie, the first months were slightly awkward for both of us and understandably so. We both were used to very different working arrangements. I might have been working behind the scenes before, but now I had to step into the spotlight becoming his own personal shadow, and I am sure he wasn’t really comfortable with that. Taken into account the current situation everyone looked like a volcano ready to erupt.  

Once, I happened to accidentally step in a not so common incident; maybe it was a circumstance I wasn’t supposed to witness. He was on the phone at the time, when I saw him. That’s why I decided it was best if I stayed behind the half closed door of the studio. I couldn’t hear what he was saying and it was none of my business after all, but I could tell by the minute I laid my eyes on him that something was wrong. Something had been bothering him; irritation written all over his face. He was pacing back and forth, phone still on his ear. He was clenching his fist so hard I wondered if his nails cut into his skin. He was breathing heavily, almost as if he would burst and his muscles grew tense.  

Then, in an instant, it seemed that the call ended and as he was putting the phone in his pocket he slammed his fists down onto the table a loud bang echoing in the room. After some consideration, I knocked on the door to make my presence known and he sharply looked at me. Without having the chance to say anything to him he let out a loud growl and left the room leaving me dumbfounded and unaware by the door. Soon after that, he apologized for the way he acted confessing that he had an unfortunate falling out with one of his closest friends and at the time he couldn’t process what was happening. I would never forget that day. It was the day I came across a not so familiar side to him.

From that day forward, things miraculously became easier and Jungkook was way more relaxed around my presence, we joked around often and he even texted me to ask about a variety of things outside of regular working hours. We managed to develop a teasing relationship full of endless borderline flirtatious banter. He had this other side to him that only a selected few got the chance to know. Jeon Jungkook was indeed a comforting raging night, but he was also an infuriating playful mischievous brat when he wanted to be. This in all honesty, made him a hundred times more irresistible in my eyes.

Life was going on smoothly until Jungkook decided that taking after midnight trips to the gym was perfectly acceptable, insisting that I escort him instead of his bodyguard. I cursed every single time but I went anyway. Forty-five minutes after midnight he was lifting weights, unbothered. Taking secret short glances towards him I contemplated what I had done in my previous life to deserve this torment. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less about the late hour, but to have this view in front of my eyes was causing me both mental and physical pain. The guy was clearly sculpted by the gods. With his broad chest, muscular arms and thick thighs he could have anyone he ever wanted. He even sported an hourglass figure; He is insanely unreal. That’s the main reason why I decided to sit there preoccupied with a silly game on my phone to kill time until the suffering ended. I was barely hanging from a string at the verge of blowing off the barrier between my personal and professional life.

Out of the blue, with a loud grunt, he dropped the weights, drawing me out of my contemplation. He looked annoyed for whatever reason. He tried his best to seem nonchalant but it was obvious, in his beautiful stern eyes. Could he be craving for an audience? Abandoning every rational thought I had, I put my phone away, looked in his direction as I got up to get water. I smirked at his clear annoyance. Surely, we weren't supposed to interact with the artists this way but I am cranky and sleepy, and for the first time ever, he was being kind of an ass to me. Was I perhaps the reason behind his sudden personality change? The thought kept floating at the back of my mind.  

This kept going on for about three weeks or so and I gave him nothing. His annoyance prominent in his expression, more and more as the weeks went by. He was hot but I am sure all he had been seeking was an audience given that he missed it, or so I thought. Thursday evening rolls around and I was particularly iffy tonight ‘because I was extremely frustrated, sexually. This one was making my situation worse, sporting a tight black tank top and skinny grey sweatpants which made him look like a treat. He could easily pass for a bodyguard with those broad well-built shoulders. As my eyes scanned his body I realized this was the first time his tatted sleeve was on display. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander. By the time I was done his eyes were already fixed on mine and I turned away immediately, embarrassment written all over my face.  

Seeking solace in the women’s bathroom I tried to extinguish this ravenous yearning. The feeling of cold water did nothing to help the burning desire that was building inside me. Without warning, a knock at the door was heard, his sweet angelic voice following "Are you okay?" he asked, the remnants of a smirk could be heard still. "Jungkook you cannot be here, I am okay. I'll be out in a minute." I exclaimed, as calm as I could. "It's been ten minutes. I can't continue unless you're there." He insisted, I heard him chuckle after that.

With that, it was now or never, I pushed the door’s handle and made my way outside rolling my eyes in the process and he caught that, quickly moving closer, clearly annoyed, jaw clenched, eyes taking in my features, making him look not quite intimidating but definitely interesting. No, it was my mistake. Not just interesting, he looked ravishing. "As I said, I'll be out in a minute. Then you can finish up" I argued. But he didn't budge, moving even closer, if that was even possible, he was almost a breath away. "I don't feel like working out anymore" he declared like a child whose toy was taken away from him. As if I chose to play heads or tails with my career, I poked the beast further, "What is it that you want to do then?" I asked making sure he heard the annoyance in my tone. Coming even closer, to the point where he was completely pressed up against me, "You" he uttered calmly yet authoritatively. Before I could process what he had just said his soft lips crushed mine with a vengeance, thirsty. Pulling my lip with his teeth, he kept planting kisses from my lips to my jaw trailing down to my neck and décolletage; a surprised panting left my lips.  

It felt as if I had involuntarily awakened this beastly hunger within him. His kisses insatiable and his touch was possessive, "I've been thinking about this for so long" he confessed as he took my hoodie off. "Sitting there, not giving a word let alone a glimpse. If you think this is off-limits you're wrong" he growled pointing at himself. "I can guarantee that once we're done here you definitely won't be able to look at me, ever." As he said all that, he managed to get me in a compromising position against the sink, his slim waist in between my legs. He kept my gaze as he lowered his head between my thighs. Little shit kept giving me hickeys on the soft flesh of my inner thighs, so close to my now dripping core. He enjoyed tormenting me and it showed. I was helpless but oh, God was all of this hot. He licked a stripe over my soaked panties, "Oh baby, you smell delicious" and with one hand he took off my underwear completely.

He sank in my folds, letting a guttural moan that I felt vibrating through my core. Not being able to think about what was happening I let myself indulge in my carnal desire my hands tangled in between his luscious hair.  

He loved food and I've watched him eat before, but this must be one of his favorites ‘cause he was doing his best not to let a drop go to waste; he acted like a man starved. His hands held me in place, thankfully, ‘cause everything was too much; nothing could stop me from shaking, feeling everything deep in my core, he was too much. He just had to be good at everything. He kept a torturous tempo, from sucking my clit to his sinful tongue penetrating me, and as tears gathered around my eyes he decided to add his slender fingers in bringing me closer to heaven than I've ever been. "That's it baby, let go. Let go for me" he exhaled and just like that I had the most intense climax. My limbs felt numb, my whole body felt like rubber.  

Before I could register what was happening he was back at it, sucking my over stimulated clit, my thighs unconsciously closing around his head as oversensitivity hit. "One more, please, come on baby, you can do it" he begged. He kept pumping his fingers while sucking my clit, as if it was his only goal in life. My screams muffled through my own hand clamped on my mouth as I reached my high for a second time that night. I felt it take over me with such intensity I didn't register what had happened. He emerged from between my thighs, soaked from me squirting and with a proud look on his face he declared "Now I look like I had the workout of a lifetime".  

He helped me get dressed and pulled me close for a soft peck. He must have noticed my concerned look because he wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug and said "Don't be scared about this, we can work it out. I really like you and I'd like you to stick around". Starring into his eyes, I nodded and he pulled me close for the sweetest kiss, trying to tame my bewildered hair. He helped me get dressed and got out the door first to make sure that no one was around. I waited for a moment and then I got a text.  

[one-abuse-survivor]

It’s crazy to me that not everyone lives like this. That not everyone spent their teenage years praying for their parents to go out so they could relax for once. That not everyone spent their childhood learning how to lead adults through their psychological problems until suddenly they were expected to know how to deal with everything. Like, it’s just… unimaginable that not everyone had to care for themselves and siblings and learn how to take shouting and screaming in stride. Like, I know what my parents did was wrong, and I know I’m affected by it, but I forget that other people just don’t have that. And I’m meeting people, now that I’m off at university, who had good parents, and it feels like so many of them are bad people, ones who are incapable of understanding that other people have brains too. My roommate’s parents are legitimately So Nice, and my roommate… they’re a piece of shit. They’re a self absorbed asshole who can’t even consider that other people have wants and needs. They’re not the only one either. I’ve met a bunch of other people who had good parents, and for the most part, they’re all the same way. They treat me like an idiot, like someone who can’t even have the most basic of thoughts on my own. They lecture me on how to study, and when I say that their method doesn’t work for me, they tell me I’m just not understanding their Superior Method. They “can’t sleep if there’s any lights on” and demand we both go to bed at 9:30. And I KNOW it’s not true but I can’t help but feel like maybe having shit parents did make me a better person. Sure, it can also crank out some assholes, but the good people I’ve met, the ones who can actually understand that other people are PEOPLE? They’re like me. They’re like me, and that scares me, because what if my parents were right? What if they did a really good job raising me, and any pain I felt was my own weakness, or worse, just a natural part of the process? It’s not true, I keep telling myself, but all the evidence I’m seeing points to the opposite conclusion. It feels like I’m in denial.

I can relate to a lot of what you say here, nonnie, because for a long time, when I started considering the idea of having kids in some hypothetical future (as a teen/young adult myself), I too wondered how it was possible to raise a good person without abuse. I guess I also felt like all the things I liked about my personality were a direct consequence of my trauma. I don't know how common an experience this is among child abuse survivors, but it's definitely a fear that can arise, and it's okay to be scared by the idea that only trauma and abuse makes good people. Especially when the people you meet seem to prove that point.

But it's not true. Abuse and trauma are not a natural part of the process of not growing into a crappy person. You can have loving parents and still be taught to respect others, to understand and communicate boundaries successfully, and to be a decent person in general. I wish I could put into words how I went went from having the same fear you're expressing here for years of my life to realising that fear was unfounded, but I can’t really find those words. I just know now that kids can grow up to be like you, and not just to be the opposite of you. Kids can grow up mimicking your healthy behaviours and using the tools you teach them to move through life healthily; they don’t have to constantly be in tune with everyone else's emotions and needs out of fear and survival in order to respect others.

Also, I don’t think all non-abusive, loving parents are automatically healthy parents. Some people with loving parents are crappy, at least in part, becuase they grew up sheltered from consequences, being taught entitlement and selfishness, and not being taught proper communication skills. It doesn’t mean all people who grew up to non-abusive parents are this way, though. There are so many lovely people out there who grew up with loving and healthy families, and I really hope you get to surround yourself with more people like that in the future, nonnie, because you deserve so much better than to be around people like your roommate.

I’d like to know other people’s thoughts about this, and whether others have also had this fear that only abuse raises good people/how they overcame it. So if anyone wants to add to the conversation, please do!

Sending a virtual hug, nonnie ❤

[potahun]

Some rough translations from Liu Yuning (HYJ’s actor)’s Live Broadcast on 7 January 2021, because he talked about Ultimate Note (and HeiHua) a lot:

LYN (18:45) - about the wooden knife:  “(...) With Hua’er Ye, the separation scene between Xiao Hua and I, and with Tuo Ba too, you see which one, right? (...) That scene was in the original script. The lines were already complete. (He makes a parenthesis here to talk about how this adaptation really respected the original works, including the words used) But during that separation scene, there’s this one part -- the one where I gift a knife to him. A small wooden knife (...) That’s something we added ourselves.........That’s something we added, because it wasn't in the original script. How did that small knife come about? At that time, I was filming. I have an acting teacher who, while on set, saw one of the staff from the props team carving that small wooden knife. (...) So we discussed with the director, I said “that scene is a separation with Xiao Hua, right? For a separation, just using words might be...I think perhaps we could add an item there. We might not even need to add any lines.” (...) But this item strengthened the ...bond between these two people. So that knife is something that we added. (...) I think it’s quite nice, at least it doesn’t ruin the original script, and it strengthens the feelings - the bond between these two people (...)”

LYN (22:50), talking about the comments he saw on Ultimate Note: “(...) In the first few episodes, I saw “I cannot accept that this Hei Yanjing has a round face”.....This comment stabbed my heart for 3 days straight. Really. (...) Well, let me explain first to everyone what was going on back then! Right now my face isn’t that round, right? Why? First, because I added the filter that makes my face slim - no that’s not it. First, it’s because the me at that time had just done a small surgery on my vocal chords. (...) After the surgery, I had to stay home for a whole month without speaking. So what to do? Eat. I ate for a whole month and went straight afterwards to film that show.”

LYN (57:52) - about any chance for a S2 and budget use: “A friend is asking here, will Ultimate Note have a 2nd season? (...) First of all, I’m just an actor. (...) Ok, I’ll talk about it properly. Will it have a 2nd season? To be honest, I personally hope it will. (...) I believe if you asked me to act Hei Yanjing a 2nd time ...I can’t say the 1st time was good, it wasn’t. But I might be able to -- because I’m also growing, right -- to express this role a bit better. (...) So I hope it will have a 2nd season. (...) Because let’s be honest, I think the crew took a lot of care in making this show. (...) Most of the budget and everything went into the production...the special effects, the scenery, things like that. So the actors like us....*smiles* well of course, they gave me money too, I shouldn’t say it like that, but what I mean is, a lot of the attention went into the making. It’s not a show where, for example, the actors use up a lot of the budget and the production gets less in comparison. (...) So I’m thinking, well, this show could be considered a small, small success? -- I don’t dare to issue a judgment on it, but in my heart, it is a success. (...) So will it have a 2nd season? I hope so, but until now, I haven’t received news that we can film such a thing. (...) Don’t expect too much. For other shows, sometimes, S1 is popular, and then they have trouble shooting S2, because after the 1st season’s success, all the actors increased their prices, so they might not be able to sign on for the 2nd one. But I think for this show (...) each of the actors really like this show. So they might choose to accept to play in this show, even if it means they get paid less. Starting from me, if you tell me this show’s got a different revenue from what I usually get, I’d still want to play it -- that’s how good it is. (...) *reading a comment* “Careful with what you say, boss”. Yes, I almost didn’t control myself just now.... Almost.”

He later mentions that to film certain scenes, they’d really go deep into the mountains, drive for hours and then actually have to climb very steep roads, to places inaccessible by car.

LYN (1:02:02) - about Xiao Hua’s actor Liu Yuhan: “*reads* “Talk about your CP”. Oh, you mean Xiao Hua, right? The actor for Xiao Hua, what I want to say is, I was very happy to collaborate with him, because he...really is a nice person. Just talking about getting to know him outside the story, and not as a character, he’s a very nice little fellow. He’s very honest. He’s also from Dongbei like me. His usual state is of course not as cold as the Xiao Hua in-story, not as “cool”. In reality, he’s still quite laid-back as a person, quite...fun. Kind of like a kid. Well, not really a kid, but...he’s younger than me, so in my heart, he’s like a little brother.” He explains that they tried to have a meal together more than once post-filming, but never managed. 

LYN (1:03:35) - about the postcard: “That postcard at the end, the one about the 1,000 sheep...Many people didn’t understand when they watched it. What was that 1,000 sheep about? Actually, it’s because Hei Ye jumped down at the end....with the hairy monster...he jumped down. (...) So that postcard first paves the way for what comes after (aka the storyline in Sha Hai). And on another note, it’s to prove that Hei Yanjing isn’t dead. Because that postcard is what Hei Yanjing left to Xiao Hua. (...)”

LYN (1:07:38) - about Hei Xia Zi as a character: “Actually, he’s not a real miser. (...) He does really like money, there is a little bit of a greedy vibe to him. But you’ll discover that many times, he didn’t actually receive money, and still went ahead and did the thing. (...) He’s actually a lot more about loyalty, and courage, and responsibility. There’s not one thing where he was like “if you do not transfer 10,000 to me, I definitely won’t do this thing for you”. But he will have a vaguely threatening air, and make it seem like he doesn’t care that much about bonds/friendships. (...) He simply has his special way of doing things. He might also have his own type of apathy. After all, a person, after experiencing so much - because as I said, he counts as a person who’s lived a long life (...), he wouldn’t care as much about many things related to time. So in reality, he doesn’t care that much about money either. His love of money is a personality trait, but the premise to anything he does is definitely not money, it’s rather loyalty. It’s feelings.”

LYN (1:09:39) - about Hei Yanjing’s real name written in the sand: “Someone asked “what did Hei Yanjing write in the sand, is it ‘Liu Yuning’?”......Yes. I wanted to write ‘Modern Brothers Liu Yuning’ at the time.”

LYN (1:12:00) - about Hei Yanjing’s age: “As someone who just acted this role, I don’t know how old he is either. But he’s definitely someone who’s lived a long life. (...) In the state I was acting him, he must have at least been a few hundred years old. (...) How many hundreds, I have no way to ascertain.”

LYN (1:12:49) - about the fried rice prop on set: “It tastes pretty good. (...) But the problem is where we were filming, (...) we were mostly in Yun Nan. The temperature there was over 40°C. When it was low, it was a little above 30°C. (...) The fried rice would turn sour in no time. (...) So you’ll find out that, throughout this entire show, Hei Ye loves to eat fried rice with green peppers and meat, but hasn’t eaten a single mouthful. He’s just feeding Xiao Hua with it. And the reason why Xiao Hua looks disgusted is because it’s really sour.”

LYN (1:14:00) - more bts stories about the heat and stench: “That scene where we first fall into the tunnel. That tunnel from the time of the Republic. (...) That tunnel, my God! (...) The temperature outside was 40°C. Inside, most of the scenery was made from foam. (...) The temperature inside that environment was incredibly hot, unimaginable, and on top of that we were wearing leather. (...) And do you remember when we first fell into the tunnel with Xiao Hua and we dug up a place? (...) The bones on the floor were all purchased real bones from sheep or pigs and so on. (...) Think about the temperature in there. In one night, the stench was impossible. (...) When we were filming, the stench was so bad, you felt like you couldn’t live on anymore (...) My God...At the time, as soon as I walked into that place, I was dumbstruck. Xiao Hua and I made eye contact and just went... “do you smell this?” He went “I can’t even hear what you’re saying anymore, I’m already knocked out.” (...) The director went “Let me see! ...............My God. Props director, what do we do with this?” And the Props director said “What our show cares about is making things realistic. We want to make the original works real. We want the props to be as real as possible.” (...) We also have to respect that Props director’s professionalism, right? (...) So the Director said “Ok, then let’s do this, let’s prepare some cologne.” (...) Poured it. Poured 2-3 bottles of it into the place... It made everything WORSE. The normal stench was simply stinky. But the cologne -- that thing has volatility!! (...) Do you know how stinky it was, exactly? It felt like even my arms could feel the stench. We held on for 3 days to film that part. That stench, my God. It’s a smell I can remember my whole life.”

[twoidiotwriters1]

Family Outings (Five Hargreeves x Fem! Reader)

A/N: Another five fiction, lol. In this Five can be 13 years old, hahaha. Hope you like.

Btw, we still have places in case you want to order some blurb or one shot, from our prompt list or if you have another idea.  300 Followers!

Words: 3,998

"Diego!" Five yells from his room.

Diego shrinks into one of the kitchen chairs.

"Now what did you do?" Allison asks in front of him, with a mug in hand.

“I left some knives in his room,” He answers with a grimace.

“Bad idea, bro. Our dear Five has been very sensitive these days,” adds Klaus.

"I don't think it's that bad–“

A blue flash appears in the kitchen, causing Diego to jump back. Five raises one of his knives and glares at him.

"You think it's fun to stab my notes and maps?" He asks through his teeth.

Diego grimaces.

"I'm sorry, I forgot. I won’t leave them there again,” Five pushes his hand away.

“The problem is not that you forgot. Stop practicing in my room!" He yells, stabs the wooden table and then disappears. Klaus whistles.

"What was that all about?" Ben asks.

"Diego almost died... again,” Allison takes a sip of her mug calmly.

"That boy’s crazy! I've always practiced in all the rooms, I don't understand what the problem is now," says Diego taking his knife.

"Maybe Five is on his period," says Klaus.

"No, he's yelled at us more than usual lately and only leaves his room to eat," Ben adds thoughtfully.

“Perhaps he’s lost his mind officially…”

They were all thinking that was the most logical reason.

***

The next day all the siblings finish eating and help collect everything. When Five finishes his part, he decides to make himself a cup of coffee as usual, but taking a sip his face twists.

"Agh! Who do I have to kill to get a decent cup of coffee?" He complains looking at his siblings.

Allison, Diego, Luther, Ben, Klaus and Vanya look at each other without knowing what to do.

"You bought another kind of coffee yourself," Vanya says. Five shakes his head.

“No, someone must have changed it. It tastes awful,” He says, throwing away the coffee and washing the cup almost furiously.

The siblings share another worried look, they know it can get worse if they do something. Luther raises his hand and winks at them, the others tried to stop him, but it was too late

"I'll take care of it," he says, approaching his brother. “Five," He touches the boy's shoulder and he turns, raising an eyebrow. "Don't you think it's time for you to learn to control your anger?"

He says it with a reassuring smile, which doesn't last long as Five's features tightened.

"Control my anger?" He says, laughing cynically. "Oh brother this is nothing. Do you want to know what I can do when I'm really angry?"

Luther shakes his head repeatedly and babbles nervously.

“Five," says Vanya and her brother looks at her, finally noticing the fear in the others. He sighs.

"I'll go for a better coffee," he says and then disappears.

"I think Luther wet his pants," Diego says holding back a laugh as Allison slaps his shoulder.

***

Three weeks later.

"Guys!" Diego yells running to Allison's room, the largest of all, and calls his siblings to meet there.

"What's going on?" Ben asks.

“Is it important enough to interrupt my bath?" says Klaus dressed with a towel.

"You're okay?" says Vanya.

When everyone is together -except for Five- Diego thinks well what he has to say.

“You won’t believe what just happened.”

"Say it," Allison complains.

"I was practicing with my knives, I’m using a new technique that I have perfected–"

"Diego!" The others say at the same time.

"Yes, okay– I was practicing and I didn't realize that Five had entered, so by accident I cut his ear a bit. It was just a scratch! I think I panicked a little when it all happened.”

"And now he's looking for you to kill you?" says Ben crossing his arms.

“No, that's what I have to tell you. I apologized but he just... smiled. He said there was no problem, it was just an accident, and continued on his way.”

"Didn't he yell at you?"

"Threats? Revenge?"

"No, it's not- Do you think he's planning revenge?" He says, suddenly more nervous.

"Wait," says Allison. "You're telling us that Five,” points outside her room. "That little maniac we have for a brother, didn't do anything to you?” Diego nods.

"This is very strange," says Vanya.

"Do you think he's drugged?" Luther asks.

"No sir," says Klaus. "I would know.”

When everyone is silent, they hear the faint sound of a record: Dancing in the moonlight.

The Hargreeves brothers stay still in their places.

"Does the music come from..?” Diego says.

"Five's Room," Ben finishes for him.

"Maybe he is high," adds Klaus.

***

The next day Klaus grabs his walkman, puts on his headphones, and starts dancing around his room until he goes out into the hall.

Everything is fine, the music takes him to unimaginable places -just like his drugs- and from time to time he looks in the rooms of his siblings; Ben is reading, Vanya’s practicing on her Violin. Klaus smiles at them, but everything changes when he passes by Five's room, where he stops at the door frame.

For a moment he thinks he sees Five walking from one place to another fixing his outfit. He laughs at his own thoughts, but he can't help but hide to spy on him better and what he finds surprises him even more.

Five is dressed in dark jeans, a navy blue T-shirt, sneakers, and a leather jacket. Klaus can't believe what he sees, his brother in front of a mirror, combing his hair and adjusting his jacket.

Never in his life had he seen Five worry about his appearance and the worst thing is that he wears normal clothes! And not the uniform of the academy that he has become used to.

Klaus is gaping, but he knows he can't be there any longer, so he runs off to Allison's room and tells his sister everything he just witnessed.

"You've got to be kidding me," Allison says without taking her eyes off her magazine.

“I swear I'm not lying. I know I'm a genius at lying, but not this time."

His sister sighs and looks up.

"Okay, suppose that's true. Why do you think he’s doing it?"

“I don't know, that's why I came to you, little sister. I have no idea what is going on. Let's see it with your own eyes.”

She rolls her eyes and they both leave the room just as Five leaves his. Allison also can't believe what Klaus said was true.

"Five?" She asks.

“Hey," answers the boy with a half smile, causing chills in his two siblings.

"Are you going somewhere?" Ben and Diego peeked out their doors to find out what’s going on.

"I'll go out,” replies Five with a shrug and walking towards the stairs to avoid further questions.

“Five's not wearing the uniform..." says Diego, meeting with the others. "Did you also see him or am I going crazy?"

"This is so strange," adds Ben.

"Where do you think he went?"

"I don't know, but we have to follow him," Allison answers. "He didn’t use his power.”

The four of them were silent for a few seconds, until they ran to their rooms and grabbed their coats. Allison told Luther and Vanya on the way out. Diego hurried forward to look for Five and found him walking into a flower shop.

"What's happening to him!?" Klaus exclaims.

Five leaves the premises with a red rose in hand and a big smile before continuing on his way. Cautiously, the other Hargreeves followed him until he reached the cinema. The boy waited at the entrance next to the small cubicle where tickets are bought.

"He seems nervous," says Luther.

“What're you planning?" Diego asks in a whisper.

Klaus, Allison, Vanya, and Ben roll their eyes at their brother's question.

"Look!" Vanya points out the moment a girl calls out for Five.

He smiles at her and scratches the back of his neck nervously. The girl hugs him and he corresponds, then gives her the flower. They chat for a bit and then head off to buy their tickets.

"No way…”

"What?"

"I can’t believe it!”

“Shit."

"Five is–“

"On a date!"

***

Three weeks before.

"I'll go for a better coffee,” he says and then disappears.

While his siblings plan to avoid Five's anger. He appears outside the Griddy’s shop, where he and his siblings used to go often when they were younger.

He fixes his uniform, walks into the store and sits at the bar, ignoring the people. After a few minutes Agnes, the waitress takes his order, just black coffee.

While waiting, Five decides to look around: to his right were two gentlemen, talking and laughing. To the left, in the background, there’s a girl, perhaps the same age, sitting with a cup at her side and a notebook in front of her, she’s drawing, deeply concentrated. And further on are a group of four teenagers laughing and joking, every now and then one of them turns towards the girl.

His thoughts are interrupted by the cup of coffee Agnes brings him, his focus now on caffeine. That’s why he doesn’t hear the laughter increases.

Five is oblivious to what happens behind his back: A boy rips a napkin into small pieces, makes them into balls and begins to throw them towards the girl to attract attention.

Little by little the girl loses her patience with the teenagers, who have been visiting the store for three days only to annoy her while she tries to focus on her drawings.

A napkin ball falls on her table, another falls into her notebook, but when one touches her face and the laughter of the boys increases, she decides that’s enough.

Sighing, she doesn't want to leave the cafeteria, she's only been there for a few minutes and she really wants a moment alone, as she always manages to do. She looks up and looks around her and sees the two men who are about to leave, so she looks at the bar. A boy in uniform she’s never seen before is there.

It seems that they’re the same age, so she takes her cup, her notebook, pencil case, bag and walks towards the bar, on the boy's right side. She clears her throat and he looks at her sideways.

"Excuse me, does it bother you if I sit next to you?" says politely, pointing to the bench.

Five just shrugs. Y/N frowns at his reaction, she was expecting something more, but doesn't want to push, so she puts her things on the counter and reopens her notebook.

"Hi Y/N, can I get you more chocolate?" Agnes asks. And the girl nods.

Hearing the girl's request, Five can't help but roll his eyes thinking how childish it is to drink chocolate. After a few minutes, Agnes returns with the cup and offers it to the girl, who thanks with a smile.

"Now why did you change places, Y/N?" Agnes asks while cleaning the counter. "You always sit on the back."

She makes a face and points behind her.

"Oh, those children. They have come three days in a row, haven't they?"

"Yes, unfortunately.”

Five raises an eyebrow at the conversation. Agnes leaves to continue cleaning the place.

"Don't your parents say anything to you for drinking coffee?" Y/N asks him.

“No," He says curtly and she makes a face.

"Personally, I prefer chocolate," She adds with a smile.

"Good for you.”

Her smile falls at the boy's responses.

"Sorry, I just wanted to make conversation…”

The girl takes a sip from her cup, takes out the pencil she was using earlier, and goes back to her drawings.

Five is a bit surprised when the girl next to him no longer tries to get his attention, usually people nags until he loses it, especially about his uniform, or even recognize him from the academy. He turns a little and sees the delicate strokes the girl makes, along with some loose pages that almost fell off the notebook. Without thinking, Five asks.

"Did you do all that?"

She raises her head and watches the boy, who points to the paper.

“Oh yeah –uh. I did it,” She takes out one of the sheets and shows him a pencil drawing of a swallow.

Five takes the sheet.

"You're good," He says simply and returns the drawing.

"Thank you,” she answers with a smile. “I'm Y/N.”

"Five," he replies, nodding, she looks at him confused.

"What?"

"My name is Five."

“Oh…”

“Yeah."

Y/N shrugs, looks down, and notices his blazer.

"What school do you go to? I think I have seen that emblem before, but I don't remember…”

Five rolls his eyes, but knows it's his fault, he hinted to continue the conversation.

"A private one, it's not very well known,” He says, turning to the counter and taking his cup.

Y/N frowns trying to remember, but is unable to do so, as her thoughts are cut off by another ball of paper crashing against her nose.

"Ugh, you have to be kidding me," She complains, drawing the attention of Five.

"You know? If you say something to them, maybe they’ll stop bothering you.”

She snorts. “I already did, the first day they arrived. They invited me to be with them and when I said no, they did their best to annoy me, it has been like this for days. Every time I say something it's worse,” She rolls her eyes. “I guess they can't understand much when they have a brain the size of a walnut…”

The comment makes Five smile, remembering that he once said it to his brothers.

"Trust me, I know what you're talking about," he says.

"You do?" she asks.

"My brothers are not the smartest in the academy.”

She laughs.

“It must be fun going with your siblings to the same school. I’m an only child,” She adds.

"Sometimes it is…”

She opens her mouth to continue the conversation, but one of the annoying guys arrives at her spot, between Five and Y/N.

"Hey kid," He says, tapping Five's arm. "Why don't you just leave and go back to your stupid school?"

His friends laugh and Five turns completely still on the bench, looks at the boy with a tight smile.

"And leave Y/N in the hands of four idiots who don't know what a 'no' is?" He says sarcastically.

Y/N looks surprised, while the other boy clenches his hands into fists.

"Surely she’s bored with you, friend. I'm doing you a favor.”

“How considerate of you. What’s your next altruistic action of the day?"

That makes the girl laugh and Five raises an eyebrow, annoying the blond boy further.

"Do you want to fix this problem outside, kid?"

"I don't see why,” answers Five. "And you?" He asks Y/N and she denies. "You see?"

“You and me outside. Now.” The boy mutters.

“No, thanks.”

The friends get up. That puts the girl on alert, touching Five's shoulder and he notices it too.

"Just leave us alone," She says.

"Shut it, princess,” answers the blond.

Before anyone could do anything else, the blond grabs Five by the collar of his shirt and forces him out of the store. Being taller and stronger than Five, it was quite easy to pull.

Y/N quickly packs up her things and pays for her chocolate and Five's coffee. When the blond lets go of Five, he walks away laughing a bit.

"What's so funny, you idiot?"

"Oh nothing. Only- it's funny to think that you guys want to fight me.”

"Oh, let's break you up," says another of the guys.

Five laughs again and the four boys approach him, but he uses his teleportation power to dodge them. In less than five minutes, the boys are on the floor complaining. Five sees the end of the ‘fight’ and fixes his tie.

"I can't believe it," Y/N says, surprised by what she just witnessed.

The black-haired boy turns to see her and shifts somewhat uncomfortably instead.

"You're a freak!" Yells one of the boys on the ground, then stands up  and runs through the streets with his friends closely following him.

"You're okay?" asks the girl, getting closer.

“Obviously," He raises a brow.

"That was amazing!" She exclaims surprising the boy. "You're one of the Umbrella Academy, aren't you?"

"Uh- I, Yeah,” he says, there’s no point in denying it.

“Great!"

He frowns, then rolls his eyes and walks back to the store to pay for his coffee.

"Oh, I paid," she says.

"You didn't have to do it.”

"Come on, it's the least I can do," she says, smiling. "They won't go back to the store now. Thank you.”

Five looks her straight in the eye and smiles a little.

"You're welcome.”

"I - uh, do you have something to do?" She asks with a slight blush. "We could go to the park that’s nearby.”

Y/N hopes she doesn't sound like one of those desperate or intense girls, while Five thinks about his options. Go home to put up with his siblings or go to the park… with a cute girl.

"Sure, why not?"

She smiles again and they both walk into the park while talking about whatever comes to their minds.

After being together all afternoon, Five realizes that Y/N’s a funny and smart girl, when he tries to explain something to her about his power and how it can work using unusual terms, she tries to understand, and asks the right questions. She knows how to listen and takes it seriously. While she tells him about her art and some techniques that she has learned during her classes, getting all of Five's attention.

Both are happy to have met and although Five is not used to these new feelings, his curiosity wins and he wants to know more about her. The boy can't remember the last time he felt so… happy.

Throughout the remainder of the week and those that followed, Five returns to the store and meets Y/N, always in the same place. In a short time they know about their families, favorite activities, tastes…

The girl's company makes Five's anger and frustration dissolve quickly, he no longer takes it out on his siblings.

Five finds himself looking at every detail of the girl's face who’s telling him… something. His thoughts go beyond her voice, now every time he thinks of her, positive adjectives accompany it. Every time he walks to the store he gets nervous and Five knows that this is not normal.

So after three weeks, he works up the courage to ask her out to go to the movies. Y/N accepts, avoiding acting in a shameful way.

When the day of the date arrives, both teenagers are excited, but also anxious: Five decides to dress in 'normal' clothes when remembering that Y/N once asked if he was always wearing the academy uniform. He wanted to surprise her, while she’s dressed in a flowered, loose dress along with a denim jacket. The first to arrive is Five, after a few minutes she arrives with a beaming smile. The moment he sees her, he hides the red rose that bought her behind his back while smiling back.

"Wow, you look very different without wearing the uniform!" She says upon arrival.

"Hello to you too," He says, making her laugh.

Y/N hugs him by the neck and he reciprocates the hug. When they both part, he offers her the rose.

"I brought you this," he says with a little blush.

"It's beautiful, thank you,” She answers taking the flower.

"Uh- I was thinking the new action movie, but I don't know if you want to see it..?” He says nervously.

“It’s cool.”

The two of them get tickets, buy popcorn, and enter the room, oblivious to what is happening not far from them.

Five's siblings enter the cinema, after a discussion of whether it was right to spy on the boy, in the end, the idea of ​​Klaus won. Inside the room, the film continues without problems, while the teenagers share from time to time a look, touch hands and laughs, the rest of the academy can not believe the attitude of their brother.

After the movie ends, Five and Y/N walk out of the room holding hands.

"It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that interesting," She says.

"I think the same.”

"Can you hold this? I have to go to the bathroom…”

He nods and takes her jacket along with the flower. When Y/N disappears, Five's smile falls.

"I know you're there, come out now.”

Several complaints are heard, but in the end the six brothers come out and approach Five.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"How did you know we were here?" Luther asks.

"I heard how you argued with Diego over the popcorn,” Ben and Klaus roll their eyes with ‘I warn you’ scowls. "I would recognize your voices anywhere," he says seriously.

"Oh, but that’s not the important thing here, little brother,” says Klaus as he walks to his side. “Who's that cute girl you have a date with?"

Five's cheeks flush, but he tenses his body at the question.

"It's none of your business.”

"Come on, Five. We don't want to ruin your date, just tell us her name,” says Allison.

"I'm sure you won't leave either way, sis,” replies Five with his usual ironic smile.

“Try us," Vanya adds with an amused smile.

He sighs. "Her name is Y/N, now get out!” The six laugh.

"Five?"

The boy tenses again when he hears her behind his back. He turns and smiles nervously at her as he hands her his things.

"Everything is alright?" She asks seeing the six kids who look at her excitedly. “Hello?" She says uncertainly.

Five closes his eyes for a few seconds cursing his family. There’s no escape, so he turns to his siblings and puts a hand on the girl's waist.

“Y/N, this is my family. They spied on us while we were watching the movie.” Now the girl looks at them surprised and a little embarrassed.

Five introduces each and she reciprocates the greeting.

"It's great that there’s someone who supports our dear brother,” says Klaus, approaching the girl and then hooking his arm with hers.

"It's not that bad,” She says looking at Five, who tries not to smile.

The six Hargreeves want to get to know the girl Five is dating, not knowing that this was their first date. So they followed the couple for the rest of the date.

Y/N gets along with the family with great ease, thinks Klaus is funny, discovers that she has things in common with Ben and Vanya, thinks that Luther’s protective of his family, Diego teaches her his power, and had a good conversation with Allison. All this under Five’s uncomfortable gaze.

The boy can’t deny that he’s happy to see the girl who likes to get along with his family, but he’s also frustrated at the interruption of their date. Only in the evening, when she said goodbye to everyone, did he have a moment alone to accompany her home.

"I like your family,” She says.

"I'm sorry they interrupted our date," He scratches the back of his neck.

"Next one will be just the two of us," She says, causing him to raise his eyebrows.

“Next one?"

"Yeah, why not?"

He smiles in relief.

"I can't believe my family hasn't ruined something in my life, I assure you that Diego and Luther's fights are always-"

Five is interrupted when Y/N stands on her tiptoes and kisses his lips chastely. The boy blushes just like her, but they both smile and Five leans in to kiss her again, shortly.

"See you tomorrow?" He asks when they part.

"I'll wait for you,” She answers.

[andersunmenschlich]

"Was I Abused" game

Copied and pasted from this post by @furiousgoldfish (to save space since you can't reformat anything in posts you reblog).

Is it accurate? Who knows! My memories of childhood are incomplete! Besides, a lot of these things seem frankly normal to me and not abusive at all... which, if they are abusive, is probably an especially bad sign. Hm. Anyway, on to the game!

Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you're not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point / teach me a lesson (I don't remember. It would have been loss of temper anyhow, not point-proving or lesson-teaching.)

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good (Hey, I was raised full-on Michael Pearl TTUAC-style. This is foundational.)

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me (Kind of? She and my sister were on my bed, top bunk. I was cowering on the floor. But I dunno if she was angry.)

parent trapped me in a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them (I don't remember. But I do know, in my very bones, that there was no escape from them. You couldn't run. You couldn't hide. And trying would only make things worse.)

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them / tried to confront them (To Train Up A Child, people.)

parent used a twig / stick / belt to lash at my body (Again—this is the Pearl technique. My parents broke a lot of wooden paint mixing sticks on me before discovering this whippy plastic rod about the thickness of a pencil! You could sharpen the end in a pencil sharpener, too. They had a ton of those, it seemed like. And a short one for trips outside the house; it fit in Mom's purse.)

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping (...Yeah. Again, this is the Pearl technique.)

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life (I—look, it's not like the fears were rational or anything. It's just that the world is terrifying when you're autistic and so much hurts. And have been taught your whole life that "the world" is a terrible, dangerous place that can kill you both physically and spiritually. Yeah.)

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries (I mean. TTUAC.)

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say (This was the most basic part of my childhood. Like air. Under what circumstances would this not be the case? Unimaginable.)

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat (Does not letting you eat between meals, and putting the same food in front of you at each meal—over and over again until you either eat it or it grows mold—count?)

parent made an attempt at strangling / drowning / burning me

parent banged my head / body into the wall / furniture (To be fair, I hit him first. And it's not like I broke the table when his punch sent me across the room: I didn't hit it that hard. Just busted open the back of my head a bit.)

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once (Frankly, I'm still reasonably convinced that I am a monster. And evil. And I am definitely a fool, at least biblically speaking. "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no god,'" indeed.)

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice (To be fair, it was my name.)

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me (I mean, in retrospect, it was dumb. Just a worthless paper model of a house, that's all. It wasn't even that great. I was a little kid, after all. So what if I'd spent all day on it? It was still garbage, really.)

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me (I don't remember. I genuinely don't remember, but I still have trouble admitting that I care about anything because part of me is terrified that if anyone knows I like a thing they'll have a way to hurt me, and that fear has to have come from somewhere, right?)

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault (And they do feel bad about this now.)

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough (I mean, they tried. But good luck; I have no idea what guilt feels like. I bought a book about it because I was curious.)

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all (Hmm. I don't really do shame either. I was a burden, though.)

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I was hurt by their insults

parent never comforted me / got angry if I reached for comfort (Again, to be fair: I'm autistic. I'm pretty sure they were just having trouble with my body language and facial expressions. Why else would they punish me for bad attitude when all I wanted was to be cooed at and fluttered over with the same concern they showed my siblings when they cried about their wounded knees?)

parent punished me for crying / showing fear / showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter (They, uh. They don't. My feelings and problems are mine. Why should anyone else care? It's genuinely not their problem.)

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal (Who else's fault would it be? They're my feelings, produced by my body and brain, experienced only by me, in my own head. Dang if I see how anybody else could be to blame.)

parent compared me to cousins / other children to prove how I’m the worst (Dang you, Perfect Second Child. ... Although... in retrospect... that set-up wasn't great for you either, was it. Hm.)

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy / delusional / need to be locked away (I don't remember. It sounds familiar. But I don't. I don't remember.)

parent threatened me with kicking me out / sending me away if I don’t change (Kind of? Does it count if you overhear your parents talking about it in their locked bedroom? Not their fault I was listening at the door, surely. They were genuinely considering it. I can't blame them. I was a terrible child.)

parent refused to accept my sexuality gender / tried to force it to change

parent required me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy (Nooo, haha, I did that all on my own.)

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me (I mean... "only a mother could love" is a saying for a reason. And if even my own mother couldn't love me, well! I don't remember whether anyone told me this outright. It just seemed... obvious.)

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse (I could have!)

parent made me responsible for their well-being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all done “out of love” (The subject of love was confusing. "I don't love you," "I hate you," "I have to love you because you're my child, so I love you—but I don't have to like you, and I don't, I don't like you at all" ...it was all very confusing.)

parent demanded I be available for their requests at any time (Well, yes, obviously. To Train Up A Child was very clear about this.)

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries (Boundaries, boundaries. Hmm. Interesting concept....)

parent destroyed my belongings as a form of revenge (Revenge? I don't know. Consequences, I think it was. For keeping all my favorite toys on my bed, and nesting in them. So obviously they had to be thrown onto the floor. And at my head. Ahaha.)

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me (I'm not sure they aren't right, honestly. As previously noted, I am a horrible person, and I was even more horrible as a child.)

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I won't achieve anything (Mmm... was it them, or was it me doing this? Seems like they were always telling me how intelligent I was, how talented, how much promise I had. The voices asking why wasn't I doing anything, why couldn't I use the gifts God had given me correctly, why was I wasting it all, I'm the stupidest smart person ever, garbage, can't do anything right, etc., seem to have always come from my own mind.)

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement at a crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me / distrusted me without any reason / invaded my privacy (I'm really not sure. What privacy? A four-bedroom house with twelve people in it has very little room for privacy. And if you have nothing to hide....)

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument (Dad's always been very good at this. It's his emotional intelligence, I think. Never been much of a cryer, but he can do it to me every time!)

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched

parent threatened to leave me

parent regularly accused me of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they be acknowledged as right without any proof / explanation (Sort of? They had explanations. It's just that those explanations were often terrible. Not that my parents were aware of that.)

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me (Keeping me safe from the world! The evil, dirty, disgusting world, full of immoral monsters! Oh, the horrible things that could happen to me without their protection! ...Which is not entirely untrue, I guess. But... I dunno....)

parent gaslit me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly (Frankly, I preferred that. I never much cared for being forced to eat things that made me feel sick.)

parent didn’t notice I was sick / didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured (Eh. After the first few years of my life, that suited me just fine.)

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes / shoes I needed for school (I didn't go to school.)

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma (Look, it's—it's the autism again, okay? Living in a world that hurts you horribly at unpredictable moments is traumatic. I didn't know it was trauma. I just thought it was life. So how could they have known?)

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed (Oh, they noticed that.)

parent didn’t notice I was depressed (Once again—I didn't realize. So how could they? I'm really not sure this counts.)

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself (Whipping myself, actually. With tree branches. Until the skin broke. Hmm, that was when I was in my early teens, though—as a kid I used to turn a little wooden rocking chair upside down and throw myself into the sharp ends of the rockers. To be fair, they might have noticed. Just... who really cares? I was a rough and tumble kid. Scrapes and bruises and cuts and what-have-you were to be expected. Anyway, there was no cutting; I never cut myself.)

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal (I wasn't. I'm not. I won't be. Mind over matter. Ha.)

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (Uh. Anything more than the absolute minimum you require to survive isn't a need. You need to survive. Do you really need anything else? I mean, it's nice, a definite plus, but....)

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I was a financial burden to them (But I was. Come on, now. There's no way honesty counts as abuse. ...Is there?)

parent only gave me minimal money to survive (I don't—there were kids out there getting money from their parents? I mean, they're giving you clothes, food, and shelter already. What for would you need money? I must be missing something.)

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me (Again—I never had that much money. Quarters from the Tooth Fairy: that was it. Money from birthday cards or whatever went in the college fund under their bed. "For your future." And I raided that stash later to buy books anyhow.)

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions (and attitudes. Is this, um. Is this not true?)

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine / get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves (Nah, they didn't visit the doctor either.)

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age (Was that them, though? Or was that me? It's difficult to know what's going on with your money when you can't go outside during the day—so no bank visits—and you don't have the password to your bank account because you never asked for it, so you can't do anything online. Which was just as well, because my laptop was... not great. Almost certainly terribly insecure.)

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

Sam Alexander when his Future child comes to the Present

@starlight-starks asked:  Sorry I totally forgot!😖 Another one to 'kid from future' with Nova aka sam Alexander this time. Oh and can u make u make reader also a Nova Corp??? 🧡🧡

A/N: This was actually so much fun to write. The reader being a Nova Corp wasn’t in the spotlight so I hope it’s okay. Thank you so much for requesting! Feel free to send more!

Similar headcanons:

Danny Rand when his future child comes to the Present

Peter Parker when his Future child comes to the Present

Amadeus Cho when his Future child comes to the Present

It all started when you were being sent to Earth for a few months for recovery after a particularly nasty mission

You welcomed the vacation with open arms and fly all the way into your boyfriend’s awaiting arms

It seemed to be pretty uneventful, with Sam doting on you hand and foot

That was until the incident

All you knew was one second you were cuddling Sam on the couch and then the lights were flashing red with loud sirens ringing in your ears

Your hands immediately went to your helmet, pulling it on as Sam did his and the two of you flew to the source of the distress call

You ran into the room, ready to fight but in the centre of the chaos was a small child, crying his eyes out

When any of the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents tried to reach him, he would cry harder so the rest of them just stayed away

You felt really sad and uncomfortable listening to the small child cry so you took of your helmet to seem less intimidating and walked closer to him

He let you pick him and started crying into your shoulder while you rocked him in your arms

Finally, after a lot of consoling he quietened down but still looked super frightened and was holding onto you with a death grip

You kept rocking it back and forth when Sam stepped up to you and looked at it with a raised brow

“How did this kid get in here?”

“Teleportation?”

You look back at the kid at which point he has started slobbering all over your uniform and you cringed

So, Fury wants a few DNA tests done on this kid but the baby is stubborn as hell

He holds onto you so tightly and starts wailing if anybody other than Sam tries to approach him

“Do you think he’s a kid of a Nova Corps member?”

“It would explain why he’s only comfortable around the two of us.”

So, the DNA test is done and they start running the results through a database to see if there are any matches

At this point you have to leave because you were called on a mission

“Already? But you just got here!”

“I’m sorry my love. I’ll try and be back soon.” You said, handing him the baby

The kid immediately wrapped his tiny arms around Sam’s neck while babbling a baby talk that Sam ignored

You gave your pouty boyfriend one last kiss before waving bye to the baby

“Mama!”

“Excuse me?”

“Mama!”

“No, I heard you the first time.”

You really want to stick around and teach this kid that you aren’t his mom but duty calls

As you put on your helmet, however, the kid starts crying for ‘Mama’ and trying to reach for you

“I’m sorry but I really have to go.”

So, Sam is left alone with a crying baby.

The DNA results come out as a match to Sam’s and this boy is SO flustered

“Dada.”

“I guess I am. You’re a smart one bud~!”

This? Adorable? Baby? Is? His? Son?

Well that explains why he’s only comfortable with Sam and yourself

The thought of getting married to you and having a kid with you makes him very happy

And so, for some reason he projects all his happiness onto his son

And so, he ends up a dad and he is over the moon

You cannot tell me that he is not a family man

This is what he wanted his entire life

So, he spends the next few days with his baby boy waiting for you to come home

The team is surprised by how fatherly he’s become in 2 hours

“Are you hungry, bud? Do you want something to eat?”

“Do you wanna play?”

“Oh, do you wanna sleep in my bed?”

They are all pretty concerned that he’s going to get too attached and so they send a warning to you after your mission gets completed

So, you can come home and talk some sense into him

But they did not count on the fact that you absolutely love babies

“Oh my god! You are so sweet!” You squealed when he made grabby hands at you

“Can you believe we made a baby this cute?”

The kid is really handsy

Reaches for your helmet more often than you would like

“Woah there! You’re not old enough for that!”

“Nope! Not daddy’s helmet!”

He is the sweetest little boy ever

And even though he’s so young you can see that he loves his parents so much

He loves giving kisses to everybody

“Oh, thank you for the kiss baby!”

And I mean everybody

“Get your kid off me!” “Sorry Nick!”

And it feels like you’re a family and after a long time your heart is so full that you feel that you could stay here forever

That is until S.H.I.E.L.D. said that they found a way to send him back

The rest of the team never found out but the two of you cried that night while holding your son

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing ever but S.H.I.E.L.D. gave you space before they sent him off

The kid was holding onto your clothes tightly when you tried to hand him off and your heart was just hurting the entire time

“We’re gonna see you again, baby.”

“See you soon bud.”

Once the two of you are left alone again you feel so heartbroken and it gets even worse when you are called for an urgent mission that could last months

You don’t want to leave Sam, not now

But you can’t ignore your duty

So, you say your goodbyes and reluctantly leave your boyfriend back on Earth

He’s so sad for the next few weeks that the team has no idea how to cheer him up

Not long ago he had a family and now he was all alone again

He knew he should stay strong until you returned home but he just couldn’t

The pain he felt was unimaginable

And then one day you show up back at headquarters, months early

“What happened? How are you here? Did the mission finish early?”

You shook your head with a smile, “No, they sent me back home.”

“Why?”

“Because the physical strain would be bad for the baby.”

“Baby?”

You sent him a shy smile and he burst into tears, bringing you into a hug

“We’re gonna be a family.”

“We are.”

[ailelie]

bakugou becomes a teacher

Okay. So I read a fic in which Bakugou Katsuki of all people decides to become a civilian after graduation. It mostly makes sense in context. And, well, my brain wouldn't leave the idea alone.

Let's say that is what happens.

One day while interning Bakugou saves a class from a villain, but gets stuck in a precarious situation with the class and teacher until other heroes can get them out. His explosions might get him free, but would put everyone else in danger. So he has to sit tight.

And, you know what, let's make it Todoroki Fuyumi's class. They have to work together to keep the kids from freaking out. And she compliments him on being good with kids. And they start talking. She asks him why he wants to be a hero and then says something like never caring much for the rankings, that they seemed a very narrow way of determining worth. Bakugou defends them and she shrugs. "I never needed a number to tell me I was making the world a better place."

(Fuyumi might be trying to hold her family together and may be willing to forgive her father, but she has to blame something and in this AU she blames the rankings themselves).

After they're rescued, she invites Bakugou to visit her classroom in a safer setting. To his surprise, he accepts.

For the first time, Bakugou has an adult (outside of family) in his life who doesn't care about heroes that much and who has a very negative opinion of the rankings. For the first time in his life he is praised for something beyond his ability to explode.

It isn't enough to turn him from his lifelong path, but he does start to question why he wants to be a hero and just what being the best really means.

Then he's in the park one day and there's this kid getting bullied for having a weak quirk and he's thrown back to his past a bit, but he also thinks about what Fuyumi would do and intervenes. Someone on the sidelines, someone who was watching it all go down and doing nothing, compliments him afterward and tells him he's good with kids.

And Bakugou thinks to himself, 'yeah. I am.'

He still gets a thrill from a good fight and taking down villains, but he finds himself lingering afterward to make sure the civilians are all right and checking in with the kids.

His classmates are confused by the changes in him. He's still explosive, but when he's kneeling down in front of kid and showing off tiny sparks along his palm, he's kind.

He's visiting Fuyumi's class again. And she is teaching her kids about heroes and how anyone can be one, even if they don't go pro. "You're a hero when you make the world a better place," she tells her kids.

And it hits home. Bakugou starts thinking about how he makes the world better.

Internship time comes around again and this time he seeks out rescue heroes. He says it is so that he can be the best in all types of heroism, but he knows it is something deeper than that.

(He does eventually figure out Fuyumi and Shouto are related. Shouto is more bothered than he is).

He still spends time in Fuyumi's classroom. He asks her why she became a teacher.

He isn't ready to face what he's considering. But part of him feels more comfortable in her classroom than in the hero office where he's interning.

He can't face what he's considering. Bakugou Katsuki becoming anything less than the #1 hero is unimaginable. Isn't it? After all he's said and done, can he really do anything else?

Fuyumi listens and says he can.

So. Very long story short, after high school, Bakugou accepts an offer from an agency in Tokyo, but spends his spare time taking classes to become a teacher. He keeps it a secret from everyone. He isn't sure yet, but he wants the ability to choose.

And, after a year, he quits the agency and disappears into Tokyo. He's afraid of what his friends will say and so he cuts off contact. Some are easy to stop talking to. Some (Kirishima) hurt. He only keeps up contact with Fuyumi and makes her promise not to mention anything to Shouto.

He becomes a middle school teacher.

Years pass.

It has been 10 years since graduation. He's 28. Still single. Still teaching. His kids are little shits year after year, but he loves them. He doesn't tolerate bullying and teaches kids that being a hero means making the world a better place.

Then one of his kids ends up on the radar of villains. His quirk turns whatever he touches with all five fingers invisible and noiseless. He uses it mostly for mischief, much to every teacher's despair, but he isn't a bad kid. Still. The villains are after him and this means he gets assigned a bodyguard.

Bakugou freaks out a little when he learns a hero is going to be in his school, but calms himself because what are the odds that it will be someone he knows? There are lot of heroes. Not all them are from 1-A.

But then the hero arrives and it is Red Riot.

It's been about 9 years since Bakugou dropped from the hero scene. It has been about 9 years since he's seen his former best friend.

"Ba--" Kirishima cannot draw a full breath. "Bakugou?"

"You know my sensei?" the kid asks.

Kirishima doesn't hear him. He's still gaping.

Bakugou is gripping the back of his chair tightly enough he's afraid he'll break it. "Take your seats," he manages to say, forcing his gaze away from Kirishima's.

Just his luck. Of all the heroes in Japan.

(It could have been worse, he guesses. It could have been Deku).

At least Kirishima has to stay with the kid. Except, another hero assumes body guarding after school ends and Kirishima doesn't go home.

"You teach?"

"Obviously."

"What happened? You--"

"Look. No one here knows about who I used to be and I'd like to keep it that way. So just, don't, okay?"

(His language is cleaner now than it used to be. Still a bit harsh, but he's been in a classroom too long for it to be the same as when he was a kid).

He expects, rather, hopes Kirishima will leave it at that, but apparently Kirishima hasn't changed that much in the past 9 years. He still intrudes.

"What about drinks then?"

"No."

"Tomorrow?" His smile is still blinding like the sun. Bakugou knows himself better than he did at 18 or younger. He knows he'd love to bask in that smile, but he forces a frown and says, "No" again.

"Soon then," Kirishima says, refusing to accept "No" as a final answer.

Bakugou groans and thinks about who Kirishima might tell and says "Fine. But I'm picking where."

He takes Kirishima to a small neighborhood bar not far from his apartment. He feels safer on his own turf. "Look," he says as they walk to the bar, "We're doing this with one condition: you don't tell anybody you've seen me."

"But, Bakugou, people have missed--"

Bakugou stops walking. "Promise me, Kirishima, not a word."

Kirishima turns to stare at him and then his shoulder slump. "Not a word," he echoes.

They get drinks.

It becomes a thing.

Three weeks pass while the heroes scramble to take down the villains after the kid and nearly everyday Kirishima and Bakugou get drinks after school. After the first two weeks, Bakugou reluctantly invites Kirishima to his apartment to continue talking.

Three weeks and one evening Kirishima is called away mid-conversation for a raid. They've found the villains and it is time to attack.

Bakugou waits impatiently back at his apartment and worries. Part of him wishes he could have gone with Kirishima. But that isn't the life he chose.

Kirishima calls him after midnight. It is done. He's safe. The kid will be safe. It is all over.

Bakugou feels...bereft.

Only. The next day (a day with no Kirishima in the back of the room pulling faces, trying to make Bakugou laugh in the middle of his lesson, no Kirishima talking with the kids over lunch, no Kirishima just existing so close in his sphere once more) Kirishima meets him at the gate of the school after classes end.

Instead of going to get drinks, Bakugou leads him directly to his apartment. As soon as they're inside, he hugs him. And Kirishima hugs him back.

"I've missed you," Bakugou admits for the first time since Kirishima walked back into his life. He pulls back just enough to look at his (former?) best friend.

"Same," Kirishima says, his smile soft but no less warming.

And Bakugou wants to kiss him. The thought is terrifying.

Kirishima frowns. "What's wrong?" He skims his thumb up and down Bakugou's side. They're still standing so close together, so entwined.

All it would take is a step back and the moment would end and they'd just be friends again and everything would go back to whatever normal was these days. Instead, Bakugou raises his hand to Kirishima's cheek, sucks in a breath when Kirishima leans into his palm instead of pulling away.

"Bakugou?" Kirishima asks, quiet and uncertain.

"Shut up," he answers, leaning in slowly enough that his intent is unmistakable. He expects Kirishima to pull back at every moment. He expects to wreck everything between them. But he remembers the worry from last night and missing him all day and decides to be selfish and hope.

Kirishima meets him partway.

They end up dating. Mostly secretly. They meet at Bakugou's place for the most part or at the bar. Kirishima stops meeting him at the school gates. Bakugou's colleagues suspect and some tease him for bagging a hero. Fuyumi knows. Kirishima's friends know he is seeing someone, but he refuses to reveal who.

"He's a civilian. He doesn't want involved in hero life and I respect that."

Kirishima yearns to tell them everything, but he promised Bakugou to keep his secrets, so he does. Still, it kills him to keep quiet when Kaminari mentions Bakugou one evening and everything spirals into a "where is he now" game with the most popular answer being an overseas hero or an underground hero. Or deep undercover somewhere.

At some point Kirishima ends up moving in with Bakugou. They're disgustingly domestic. Bakugou cooks with an inspiration he hasn't felt in years. It is different cooking for someone else.

Kirishima brings home case work and discusses some of it with Bakugou who might be long out of the game, but still smart and sharp. Bakugou brings home his grading and works on it while slumped against Kirishima on the couch while the TV plays.

Kirishima updates his personal information making Bakugou his emergency contact. He tells people he's moved, but keeps the location secret.

The emergency contact information becomes relevant a few months later when the villains he'd helped take down before escape prison. He's injured in the fight against them and taken to the hospital.

Bakugou gets the call. And he hesitates before leaving. If he goes to the hospital, he will likely run into other heroes. His secrecy will be out the window. He almost stays at his apartment, rationalizing that Kirishima would understand.

He's literally standing at his genkan, torn between rushing out the door and stepping back into his apartment. His keys bite into his palm, he's gripping them so tightly.

And he remembers kissing Kirishima for the first time before they even got their shoes off. And he wonders when he became such a coward. Heroes make the world a better place and Kirishima's world will be better if he isn't alone.

He steps into his shoes and goes.

The hospital is surprisingly calm. His nerves are haywire and he's expected the world to reflect that, to be just as chaotic. He's allowed into a small waiting room outside of the surgery. Several heroes are waiting there also for news. He recognizes Ashido, but she doesn't look up when he enters. He takes a seat away from the heroes and waits and hopes.

When a doctor enters, everyone is ready for news.

"What's going on?" Ashido is asking as soon as the doctor opens the door. "Is Kirishima all right?"

"I'm afraid I can only release information about his condition to his partner," the doctor apologizes. Bakugou realizes that means him. He stands.

"I'm here. And it's all right. They can hear."

Ashido is staring at him like she's seen a ghost.

"You're the civilian boyfriend?" she hisses once the doctor has delivered his report (surgeries have gone well; they can see him soon).

"You got a problem with that?" he asks.

"Where did you go?"

Kaminari enters then, out of breath, one arm bandaged and butterfly stiches over his brow. "How's Kiri--Bakugou?"

Bakugou feels short of breath, but he forces a neutral expression. "Yeah?"

They question him. And it is annoying. But he can't leave without seeing Kirishima, so he deals.

"Where have you been?"

"Teaching."

"Why did you leave?"

"Because I wanted to."

"Why did you stop texting?"

"Because--it was for the best."

"Bullshit."

He shrugs. They bicker and the questions start again.

Finally the doctor allows them back to see Kirishima.

Kirishima who is surprised, but pleased to see Bakugou. Who realizes what coming cost, but doesn't comment on that, instead saying, "You know what this means, right? Movie night!" Like they were still back in the UA dorms. Like the past decade were nothing at all.

Bakugou has to accept that his friends never stopped caring about him and slowly he starts to socialize with them. Kirishima runs interference, stopping questions that get too close to demanding to know why Bakugou wasn't blasting his way up the hero rankings.

Bakugou isn't ashamed of his profession, but he's clung to his secrecy for so long that letting go feels too revealing. He hates feeling vulnerable.

Then Kirishima breaks into the top 10 and gets invited to a celebratory banquet. He asks Bakugou to be his plus-one.

Bakugou accepts. They go. He talks with the other significant others about their careers until he gets recognized. By Deku. Because of course Deku, the current #2 and soon to be #1 hero is there.

"Kacchan?!"

"Deku."

And this is the moment he's dreaded the most, but now that it is here, he feels weirdly calm.

"Where have you been?" Deku asks, like everyone asks. "What are you doing here?"

Bakugou shrugs. "Teaching. I teach middle school." He nods toward Kirishima. "I came with him."

Deku gapes and Bakugou smirks. There's something satisfying, he decides, about stumping people so hard.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to make the world a better place."

And the banquet goes on. Bakugou finds his way back to Kirishima and claps when he gets an award for being #10 in the rankings.

"How do you know so many heroes?" one of the other civilian significant others asks him.

"I was one for a while. Decided to teach instead."

That knot of anxiety is gone.

He meets up with Fuyumi a few days later and tells her about the banquet and how he's reconnecting with old friends.

"Thinking about going back?" she asks him.

He shakes his head. "Nah. I like where I am."

And that's the fic.

[obxparadise]

Last Friday Night

JJ Maybank x Reader 

Word count: 5,548

~A fic in which JJ helps you recount the memories of your wild Friday night~

Warning: Mentions of alcohol, weed, and implied sex.

A/N: This is my longest fic yet!! It’s a combination of a story and flashbacks. Flashbacks are in italics! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Leave a comment and reblog if you liked it :) I also recommend listening to Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night” while reading :)

*Picture was found on Google. Credit to the owner.*

~~~

There’s a stranger in my bed

There’s a pounding in my head

Glitter all over the room

Pink flamingos in the pool

I smell like a mini bar

DJ’s passed out in the yard

Barbie’s on the barbeque

This a hickey or a bruise?

Sunlight shines through the window curtains, brightening up what was once a dim room. Tired eyes squint against the light as you attempt to roll on your back, groaning as an unimaginable wave of discomfort shoots across your skull. Hands find their way to your head, kneading your temples to try and ease the pain of a growing headache. The heavy weight of your hangover keeps you from moving, although you desperately need a water and aspirin. Maybe something greasy too.

As your eyes flutter open slowly, they readjust to the light in the room. Heavy breaths leave your mouth, tongue darting out to wet your awfully dry lips. The rancid taste of liquor is still on your breath, and you decide the first thing you need before medicine is a toothbrush.

Movement beside you urges you to freeze in bed, heart beating quickly. Turning slowly to the side, your eyes meet with a pair of tired, baby blue eyes and a mop of messy blonde hair, sticking up in every which way. The image of the boy doesn’t register quickly enough in your head as you shriek, heaving him off the side of the bed, cringing when he lands on the hardwood floor with a thud. Whoops.

“Ow! What the hell was that for?”

Crawling to the other side, your heart stops when you realize who had been your bed mate. “JJ? What the fuck?”

Out of all the boys who could have been lying beside you, JJ Maybank was the very last one on the list of people you would have expected. Luckily for you, JJ was no stranger. Sure, he was more of your sister Sarah’s friend, as Sarah’s boyfriend John B was JJ’s best friend, so you didn’t mind him, but over the last week or so, you’d grown closer to the group, JJ especially. He was chill, funny, unpredictable. Extremely handsome, too.

“What the fuck me?” He asks incredulously, rubbing his now sore elbow. A tiny laugh escapes as you watch his brows furrow in confusion. “What the fuck you! Why did you push me?”

“JJ, what the hell were you doing in my bed?”

He stretches, bare, tanned abdomen exposed for your viewing pleasure. Well, you definitely could’ve been stuck with someone a lot worse. No complaints, though.

“Well, I was sleeping peacefully,” he grumbles, grabbing onto the end of the bed to pull himself up. Pink sparkles litter his body, and you watch in amusement as he vigorously attempts to brush them off. Eyes scanning the room, they land on a confetti cannon. And if you had to guess, Sarah replaced the confetti with glitter. Great.  “Oh, and by the way, you steal all the blankets in your sleep. I was freezing my balls off trying to wrestle them from you last night.”

Running a hand through your hair, which is somewhat damp and undoubtedly tangled thanks to alcohol, you try to connect the dots as JJ glances at you, lips curved, delight on his face. “What happened last night?”

How much did you have to drink that you couldn’t remember a single detail? To be completely hungover and forgetful the next morning is extremely unlike you, and if you were being honest with yourself, you were truly embarrassed.

“Only the best fucking night ever,” JJ grins, happily slapping your leg, giving it a squeeze. “I’ll tell ya, you and Sarah sure know how to throw a party. Best Friday night I’ve had in weeks.”

And that’s when it hits you. Your parents are out of town, your brother Rafe is away at a three-day golf tournament, and little sister Wheezie had spent the night with a friend.

Jumping out of bed, you run to the window and peel back the curtains. Your mouth drops in horror as you absorb the sight of your nearly destroyed backyard. Flamingo pool floats are crowding the pool, some full of air, and well, some had seen better days. Pong tables and plastic lawn chairs are flipped and broken. Red solo cups litter the patio, many still filled, others crushed and empty. Rubbing your temples, you cannot imagine how it could get any worse, but a dark figure between the bushes has you pressing your face against the screen, squinting to get a clearer look. For the love of God, the DJ is passed out in the grass. Is he dead? Shit.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

JJ appears beside you, looking over your shoulder. His eyes widen as he takes in the catastrophe that is your backyard. “Whew,” he whistles. “What a night.”

You elbow his ribs before stepping back, sucking in a breath as you realize how much cleaning you’ll have to do. Peeling off your clothes, you quickly change into a fresh pair of sweats and a cropped half tee shirt, making sure to throw on a few layers of deodorant after JJ’s teasing comment.

You catch him staring as you fix yourself in the mirror, smirking at a spot on your abdomen. Glancing back to the mirror, your mouth drops as your fingers brush over a deep red mark. “What is this? Where did this bruise come from?”  

You jump at JJ’s cool touch against your warm skin, and he smirks before pulling back. “That’s a hickey, Y/N.”

“A what?” Open palms slap against your forehead in disbelief. “From who?!”

The only thing JJ offers is narrowed eyes and a slight close-lipped smile.

“It was you!” The realization hits you like a freight train. “Oh my god. We fucking slept together didn’t we?”

JJ’s body shakes with laughter as you frantically search your body for more marks, exasperated sighs leaving your lips as you find a few more dotting your neck. Thank God you had just bought a new concealer because you were going to need it. “We spent the entire night together, Y/N. Do you really not remember anything?” He’s pouting, and his voice comes out almost…offended.

“Okay, you know what?” Throwing your hands in the air, you turn back to JJ, whose hands are clasped together in front of him. “I need to remember what happened last night. No more surprises.”

JJ cocks his head to the side. He considers you for a moment before hopping back into bed, patting the place next to him. Hesitantly, you join him in bed, unsure if you’re ready to recount one of the craziest nights of your life. “Where do you want to start?”

Pictures of last night

Ended up online

I’m screwed

Oh well

“Kiara Carrera!”

Squeezing your way through the various partygoers, a relieved sigh leaves your chest as you spot the feisty brunette sitting by the pool, legs dangling in the water as she listens to Pope ramble on about the season finale of The Walking Dead while simultaneously spinning in a pool float.

“What’s up?” Kie says, grinning as you bend down to hug her around the neck.

“Any chance I could borrow your Polaroid?” Right away, you see the hesitation in her brown eyes. She’s not stupid. Giving a drunk girl a camera probably wouldn’t be the best idea, but you’ve been known to be quite persuasive. “Aw, please Kie? I’ll take really good care of it, I promise.”

Sarah may have had problems with Kiara in the past, but there was never any bad blood between the two of you. Frankly, you’d been pissed when Sarah pushed Kie away. Her insecurities ruined a great friendship. Kiara had always been a good friend to your sister. It was nice to see them finally getting along again, now that Sarah and John B were officially together. I guess they really didn’t have a choice, but you knew them. Time would pass, and they would be thick as thieves again.

Kiara reaches into her bag and pulls out a light blue Polaroid camera, holding it out for you. Squealing, you eagerly take the camera, excited to document a night of memories. “Be careful with that thing. It’s brand new.”

Kiara rolls her eyes as you cradle the camera to your chest, rocking it like a child. The alcohol is finally settling in your system, so you squeeze the camera tight to your chest, saluting her before holding the camera to your eyes. “Pope, come in closer.”

He rests his arms on Kiara’s thighs, and they both flash a smile your way. Collecting the picture, you wait for it to appear on the printed film, smiling at the two happy faces. Hm. They’d make a pretty cute couple.

“Alright, I’ll be back!”

Kie and Pope send you off with a final wave as you begin snapping photos of people dancing, people drinking, people swimming. Sometimes memories fade, but with pictures, you could relive them, bring yourself back to that very moment.

Teenager years are the most important. It’s a time filled with adventure, embarrassment, growth, love, friendships. After high school, everyone goes their separate ways. It’s a part of life. Not everyone stays together. But the pictures would remind you of simpler times. Times when you were happy and carefree without a worry in the world. Times where you were surrounded by old friends. Times that would only be relived through photos.

~

The pictures are spread in front of you on the kitchen counter. Chin resting in your palm, you smile down at the photos, fingers delicately tracing the outline of the film as your body drunkenly sways to whatever song the DJ is playing in the yard. In one picture, Kiara is throwing up the peace sign while Sarah leans her elbow on Kie’s shoulder. Another shows Pope and John B, both curled in a cannon ball as they launch themselves into the pool. JJ and John B throw up the middle fingers in a third picture, and Sarah and Pope laugh at a drenched Kiara, who had alcohol spilled on her moments prior.

“Well these are pretty cool,” a voice slurs beside you. A ringed hand reaches out to touch the pictures, and you recognize the rough, bruised knuckles right away. “But there’s something missing.”

Hand on your waist, you stare up at JJ, brows raised. He leans his hip against the counter, hazy eyes trained on you as he lifts a beer to his lips, tongue slightly darting out to collect the excess. You don’t even want to know how much he’s already had to drink. “And what’s that?”

“You’re not in any of them,” He notes, motioning to the pictures. You follow his fingers as they point to each photo, and sure enough, you’re nowhere in sight.

“Huh. I guess I was so busy taking pictures of everyone else I forgot to include myself. Well then,” Grabbing the Polaroid from the counter, you hold it out in front of you. JJ watches you curiously until you nod your head toward the camera. “What are you waiting for? Get in the picture.”

He leans in close to you, his cheek centimeters from yours, hand resting gently on your hip. You smile brightly while JJ opts for a half smirk, his trademark.

“Do something silly,” You tell him, plucking the first photo from the camera. “Make me laugh.”

You joke with JJ the most out of all of Sarah’s friends. JJ’s sense of humor is unmatched, even when he’s not trying. He thinks for a moment, only briefly, before you feel his tongue flat against your cheek. It startles you but you laugh, a real, genuine laugh, just as your finger presses the shutter button.

The picture is perfect as you lie it alongside the others, gazing down at what would soon become mere memories. Head tilting to the side, you examine the photos as does JJ, and he speaks up, “We should date them.”

It’s as if he read your mind. Rummaging through the cabinets in your kitchen, you locate a black sharpie, pulling the cap off with your mouth before scribbling the date in the bottom left corner of each photo.

You smile triumphantly until JJ plucks the marker from your fingers, scrawling more words on the pictures of you and him. Grabbing the photo of JJ licking your cheek, which oddly enough was super attractive, you roll your eyes as you read the hashtag. “TGIF? Really, JJ? How old are you?”

“Thank god it’s Friday,” his smile is lazy and all you can do is shake your head and return the grin. “Come on,” JJ offers you his hand and you take it as he leads you through a swarm of people before you eventually find yourselves back in your yard. “Let’s get someone to take a group picture.”

You nod in agreement, clutching the camera to your chest, scanning the yard for the remainder of your friends. You spot them on the other side of the pool, Sarah and Kiara cheering loudly for John B and Pope, who are engaged in an intense game of one-on-one flip cup.

“Hold up, J, let me get a picture of this.” Glancing through the viewfinder, you shake your head as you find yourself to be too far away. Keeping the camera to your eye, you pace forward a few steps, oblivious to the circular pool float just inches from your feet.

“Y/N, watch out!” But Kie’s voice falls on deaf ears as you trip over the float, toppling into the water with her pristine Polaroid.

Resurfacing with a deep gasp, you rub the water from your eyes, blushing a deep red as laughter bubbles around you, but the only one with a sour expression on her face who is indeed not laughing, is Kiara.

Chuckling nervously, you hold up the drenched camera before shrugging. “Oops?”

~

“Oops?” You stare at JJ in astonishment, almost as if you don’t believe a word he’s saying. “I said oops?!”

You groan as JJ nods, burying your face in your palms. Kiara’s brand new, one-hundred-dollar camera and you just had to fall into the pool.

“God, how mad was she?”

JJ shrugs. “Eh, she was pissed for about ten minutes. But hey, she got her payback, though.” He wiggles his brows and you shrink back into the bed. “Do I even want to know how?”

“You didn’t see the Instagram pictures? Kie took them on her phone since you know, you killed her camera.” Heart hammering in your chest, you snatch JJ’s phone from his hand, mouth falling open as you scroll through and find Kiara’s Instagram, her latest post an assortment of pictures from the night before.

“Oh. My. God.”

Each picture of yourself made you squirm more than the previous as you scroll through, cringing in embarrassment. There were pictures of you with your tongue out, looking drunk and ridiculous. Pictures of you and JJ dancing on tables, flailing your arms dramatically, also made the post. Pictures of you puking in the grass and slumped over the toilet made the cut as well. And when you read the caption of the pictures, the bile rose to your throat.

“Thanks for ruining my Polaroid. #Revenge.”

Scrolling through the comments wasn’t the brightest idea either, as your eyes nearly rolled out of their sockets at the first two comments.

@rafecam19: So, this is what my sister does when no one’s home.

@wheeziebee: Wait, Sarah and Y/N had a party without me? Well, I know where these pictures are going. #momanddadsnewfavoritechild

“I am so screwed,” Your head hangs in shame, already picturing in your brain the tongue lashing from your parents when they find out. Grabbing JJ’s phone once more, you scroll to the picture of you two on top of the dining room table. Your back is pressed against his chest while his crotch is dangerously close to your ass, palm gripping your hip.  Cheeks heating, you turn the phone around, holding it out for JJ to see. “Okay, what the hell are we doing here?”

Last Friday Night

Yeah we danced on tabletops

And we took too many shots

Think we kissed but I forgot

“Y/N, you’re going to fall! Get down!” Sarah yells over the music, a beer in one hand while her other hand is firmly planted on her hip. Sarah, Pope, and JJ watch from below as you expertly climb onto the dining room table, careful not to spill the two shots in your hand.

Flashing your paranoid sister a smile, your body begins to sway to the music. Cheers are aimed your way, egging you on even more. “Oh, lighten up, Sar. Come up here and join me.”

“You’re insane,” Pope says, flashing Sarah a nervous look. “And very drunk, might I add.”

“Not drunk enough,” You answer, throwing back one of the shots. As soon as the liquid hits your tongue, you’re filled with a rush of energy.

“JJ, do something,” Sarah urges, shaking his shoulder to pull his attention from your body. You’d changed out of your wet clothes after the pool incident, and your body was now clad in tight jean shorts and a black off the shoulder shirt. The more he stared, the more he didn’t want to tear his eyes away. “Talk some sense into her.”

He watches you with a playful smirk before peering back at your sister. “I have a better idea.” Much to Sarah’s dismay, JJ gathers three more shots in his hands before heaving himself up onto the table, placing one of the shots in your hand. “For you, beautiful.” JJ winks and you gladly accept the shot, toning out your sister’s pleas. The shot glasses clink together before you and JJ down the liquid. JJ finishes the last two before chucking them to Pope, who has difficulty catching them, as he’s not the most coordinated of the bunch. Too much time on the math team does that to a man.

The music changes from rap to throwbacks, and the crowd of teenagers flooding your house erupt into loud cheers as they recognize some of the songs from their childhood. “Last Friday Night” blasts through the DJ’s speakers, and even Sarah, originally annoyed with your shenanigans, eases up and pulls Kiara and Pope away to dance.

You’re left alone with JJ who is trying his damn hardest to dance smoothly and not make a fool of himself. You laugh heartily at his amateur dance moves before moving closer to him, gripping his wrists to steady yourself. You turn yourself in his arms, jumping slightly as his hands grip your hips, lightly squeezing.  He’s gentle with you now as your bodies tangle together, his lips calmly brushing your neck, and it’s a different side of him. While most of the time he’s calm, you haven’t been around JJ enough to see him let loose. The alcohol definitely helps.

His lips brush against your ear, sending a slight quiver through your body. “Is this okay?”

The feel of his front side against your backside, his hands on your body, rubbing, squeezing, and his lips dusting against your neck, jaw, ears, it’s exquisite. Blood rushes throughout your body, down your legs, up your arms, through your cheeks, in your head, and the sound of it pumping blocks out the surrounding noise. You’re the only two people in the room. At least, it feels that way.

Before your brain has time to process your body’s actions, you face JJ in his arms, hands on either side of his neck. His lips are parted slightly, breathing even, and his eyes are calculated, focused, scanning your face.

“You’re not seeing anyone, right?”

The air around you is thick, almost restricting your breaths, but JJ remains collected, eyes steady on your face. One hand situates on your hip while the other rests easily on your back. “Fuck no,” he breathes. “I only see you, baby.”

“Thank God.”

You lean in the same time JJ pushes forward, lips finally connecting in a soft but urgent kiss. Does time stop? It feels like it. And there’s no way this is your imagination, either. Weak knees, fluttering heartbeat, small gasps for air, rosy cheeks. All products of a real, sensual kiss.

JJ controls the kiss. He captivates you, and you go along with the feel of his lips, letting him guide you. The light strokes of his fingers on your back are a reassurance. Reassurance that the kiss is genuine. Reassurance that you’re safe with him. Reassurance that he wants this just as much as you do.

The adrenaline pulses within your veins.

His tongue brushes against yours.

Your head spins.

It feels like you’re floating.

You want it to last forever.

A low whistle breaks the kiss and you’re reluctant to pull away. “Shit, bro,” The voice belongs to John B who stands below you, staring with upstretched eyebrows. You’re still perched in JJ’s arms, steadying your breathing, coming down from the high. “Didn’t expect that.”

“Get out of here, man,” JJ bends down, hand slapping the backside of JB’s head. John B flinches, careful not to spill the two solo cups in his hands, before sending a wink your way. “Get a room.”

~

You blink rapidly, almost as if you can’t believe the story JJ is telling you. He watches your puzzled expression, waving his hand in front of your face. “Earth to Y/N. You okay?”

“I’m…yeah,” you breathe out quickly, fidgeting with your fingers. Your eyes scan JJ’s face, eventually falling on his mouth, and your own lips tingle. You can almost feel his lips on yours.

“So that’s how we ended up having sex,” You finally begin to connect the pieces of the puzzle, blushing deeply when JJ howls with laughter. “No, not exactly. Well, I mean, we did fuck, but not until later. Twice, might I add.”

“Twice?!” It comes out as a screech. Dragging a hand through your hair, your eyes dart to the floor, unable to look JJ in the eye. “When was the first time?”

Last Friday Night

We went streaking in the park

Skinny dipping in the dark

“Aw, not this fucking game,” JJ whines, pulling up a chair beside Pope, blunt hanging from the corner of his mouth. The party has settled down a bit, but many drunk teens are still going, laughing, dancing, and chatting up a storm. Off to the side in the lawn, your friends are gathered in chairs, each with a unique smile on their faces. After three hours, they’re all either drunk, high, or both.

You grab a chair for yourself, but JJ’s voice catches you off guard, halting your movements. “Uh uh, princess,” When he rubs his thighs, John B hollers with laughter. “You can sit right here.”

His tone is raspy, almost as if he’s challenging you, waiting to see how you react. The electricity between you is crackling strong, and it pulls you toward him until you’re comfortably settled in his lap.

Kiara clears her throat. “Okay so I don’t know what that is,” her finger points in your direction and your body tenses up from the feeling of numerous sets of eyes on you and JJ, “But don’t let it distract you from the fact that Pope still hasn’t told us when his first kiss was.”

You silently thank Kie for bringing the attention back to the game. Pope whines childishly, taking another sip of beer for courage. “Fine, fine, if I must.” He glances around the circle sheepishly, sighing, “My first kiss was the end of sophomore year.”

“No way.”

“Shut up!

“That late?”

“Pfft. Prude.”

“Alright, alright, relax,” Pope’s hands fly up in defense. “John B, truth or dare.”

“Easy. Dare.”

Pope thinks hard for a moment, and then the lightbulb goes off. “I dare you to go streaking around the yard.”

You stifle your laugh as John B’s face scrunches together. “Aw, come on man! Have some respect, my girlfriend’s here. I don’t want anyone else seeing my balls.”

“Hold ‘em,” JJ pipes up. “They’re small anyway, wouldn’t be covering much.”

John B flips off JJ before quietly cursing Pope to hell. Placing his beer on the ground, JB sheds his clothes, cheeks reddening as he shields himself from wandering eyes.

Your yard is big, spacious, and it takes JB a full two minutes to run around the backyard, weaving in and out of trees and bushes. Some are recording, like JJ and Kiara, while others like you, Pope and Sarah, try (and fail) to contain your laughter.

John B’s cheeks are flushed red as he stumbles back over to your group, and you desperately try to hide your laughter as JJ replays the video.

“Think that was funny, Y/N?” John B asks, pulling his clothes back on. He settles back into his chair and takes a long swig of beer. “No worries. I have one for you. Truth or dare?”

Normally you’d opt for truth, but tonight is different. You’re feeling bold. “Dare.”

He doesn’t even need to think. “You still have that hot tub on the deck, right?”

You nod, curious as to where he’s going with this.

“I dare you to go skinny dipping in the hot tub.”

“That’s it?” You ask, shocked your dare wasn’t anything raunchy. “I mean, that’s a pretty easy dar-“

“With JJ.”

You freeze.

And suddenly, you feel sober, although your BAC levels suggest otherwise.

“Damn you got her good,” Sarah mutters, supplying her boyfriend with a high five. “She won’t do it, though.”

“Oh, no shot,” Kie agrees with a nod.

JJ shifts underneath you, hand brushing your hair from your ears as he leans in to whisper, “What do you say, baby girl?”

That fuels you. Determined, you stand in front of the group, fingers going to the hem of your top, pulling it over your head, and tossing it to the ground.

Left in only your bra and the tiny shorts that barely cover your ass, you direct your eyes to JJ, smirking at the shit eating grin plastered on his face. “You coming?”

~

You danced with him. No problem.

You drank with him. No problem.

You kissed him. No problem.

Getting naked with him? Problem.

The lights on the deck are dim, hiding the bright color on your cheeks. The jets in the hot tub whirl beside you, taunting you, screaming at you to complete the dare.

Opposite you on the other side of the hot tub, JJ stands coolly, eyes drooping, lazy smile, taking long drags of his blunt. You watch as his lips form an ‘o’, blowing the smoke into the air. He’s calm, and you want that same tranquility.

He smirks as you pluck the blunt from his fingers, taking a long drag yourself. You feel dizzy, lightheaded, and cough out a puff of smoke.

“Easy, princess,” He cocks a brow, studying you. “Nervous?”

It’s amazing how quickly alcohol fucks with your emotions. One minute, you’re having the time of your life, dancing and kissing a boy way out of your league. And then a minute later, you can barely look at him. “Little bit.”

JJ takes another pull. “Tell you what. You turn around and I’ll change first. Then when I’m in the tub, I’ll turn around so you can change.”

You agree and turn your back to him, providing him with privacy although your head is screaming at you to sneak a peek. A splash in the tub has you turning around, swallowing as JJ rests his arms on the outside, blunt hanging from his smile. He’s effortlessly sexy, and you’ll make sure to thank JB later for the dare.

He winks before turning around slightly, awarding you with the same privacy you supplied him. Your shorts go first, then your thong, followed by your bra. Breathing deeply, you cross your arms over your breasts, thankful that JJ couldn’t see.

But unbeknownst to you, JJ had turned back around. “Sweet ass.”

Yelping, you struggle to cover yourself as JJ chuckles, holding up his arms to block the water as you tumble your way into the hot tub, letting the water shield your body. “Shit, JJ. You weren’t supposed to turn around!”

“And you thought I’d listen, why?”

Rolling your eyes, you settle deeper into the steaming water, moaning slightly as the jets massage your back. Across from you, JJ observes you with a smile. “You don’t need to be shy around me, you know. We’re friends, after all.”

“I’m not shy.”

JJ snickers. “Please. You don’t think I notice how your body tenses up whenever I’m close to you? You think I don’t see when your cheeks get that little pink color when I look at you?” His head hangs, tilted to the side, blunt held between his thumb and forefinger., lowering his voice. “You think I don’t know how much you wanted to kiss me tonight?”  

There’s no way he can read you that easily, so you play it off. “Alcohol changes a person.”

His grin irritates you. He doesn’t believe you. Why doesn’t he believe you?

Drawing in a breath, you decide to go for it. You swim over to him, watching as his eyes widen, now alert, and climb into his lap, palms flat against his tanned chest. One hand goes to your hip, holding you in place. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not shy,” you repeat, brushing your lips over his. JJ’s chest rises and falls with harsh breaths, and for a second, you believe you misread the signals. He takes a quick pull of the blunt and you cover his mouth with your own, dragging the smoke back into your mouth, titling your head back, releasing it into the air.

“Fuck, that was hot.”

The blunt, now finished, falls from JJ’s fingers as his hand slides around to the back of your neck, pulling you in, kissing you hard. Your mouths mesh together, igniting a fire in your bones. Fingertips dig into his flesh, marking him. JJ’s hand on your waist pushes you further against him, impossibly close to his skin.

The sound of your heart is loud in your ears as you try to focus on moving your lips in sync. JJ’s hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, the curve of your ass. His fingers dance over your neck, your throat, and down the center of your breasts.  

The tip of his dick rubs against the inside of your thigh, causing your mouth to open slightly. JJ takes advantage of the opportunity, slipping his tongue in your mouth, exploring, claiming.

You find yourself not wanting to stop. All of the nerves leave your body with each kiss JJ presses to your swollen lips. He’s hungry for more and so are you, but for something different.

He freezes when your hand disappears beneath the water, gripping his length in your palm. His wrist flies to your hand, stopping you, as his other hand runs through his hair, considering. “Listen, princess, as much as I really want to do this, I don’t think--.”

A finger to his mouth cuts him off, a sly smile playing on your lips as you shake his hand from yours. You reposition yourself over him, breasts peeking out from the water, as you slowly sink yourself down onto him.

With every groan that leaves his lips, and with each new swirl of your hips, you feel waves of confidence wash over your body. You’re drunk, he’s high, and you both feel alive.

This Friday night

Do it all again

The ceiling in your room distracts you from JJ’s face, which, if you know anything about him, has a wide grin on it. Heat bubbles in your chest as you replay the story in your head, ignoring JJ’s teasing comments about the color rising in your cheeks.

Sitting up abruptly, you turn to face him. He’s leaned back on your pillows, arms behind his head. “After that, we fucked right here,” JJ pats the bed proudly. “And that, baby girl, was your Friday night.”

Well, it could have gone much worse.  

“Sounds like I embarrassed the ever-loving fuck out of myself.”

JJ laughs, holding out his arms. You send him a look before complying, hooking your leg over his waist, resting your head against his bare chest. His one arm lazily wraps around you, the free hand skimming over the skin on your thigh.

“I am never having another party ever again.”

JJ cringes. “Yeah, about that…you might want to check your phone.”

You snatch it from the night stand, crossing an arm over your chest as you read messages from a very large group chat. “JJ…why’s everyone talking about a party?”

But he doesn’t get the chance to answer as you scroll to the very top, phone falling between your legs as you read the message you drunkenly sent before you passed out at three in the morning.

Party at our house this Friday night! Let’s do it again, bitches.

You stare at JJ, palms flat against your head as he falls off the bed in laughter.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

[cami-chats]

College Boyfriend

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV)

Pairing: Five Hargreeves/Diego Hargreeves

Summary: Five was a condescending know-it-all, made all the worse to his project partners by the fact that he did know all of the material already. The university wifi crashing ends with them at Five's apartment, and they leave with more questions about his personal life than before.

Read below or on AO3

Five liked his life. It was strange to think after so many years of not being content let alone happy, but he was. All of his siblings were a phone call away. Allison was on the other side of the country, but she was still reachable. The Academy had gotten a makeover, so Vanya and Klaus had moved back in with Luther.

And then of course there was Diego, but Five saw Diego every single day in the apartment they shared. Convincing Diego to move out of his back room at the gym hadn't been as easy as Five had imagined, but in the end, he'd been triumphant. Diego still worked at the gym in the evenings, but now he stayed at their apartment in the day or visited the Academy instead of wasting away in that dank hole-- Five's words, not Diego's.

Five spent his days at college, attending classes and doing his homework, and he spent his nights kissing Diego. It was a nice little arrangement, if he did say so. He could've stood to look a little older, though. Diego looked the thirty-five years old that he was, but Five looked to be, at most, twenty-five. He'd like to be forty, maybe forty-five. Forty-five was a nice age. Comfortable in your own skin, but not so old that you were falling apart. He couldn't deny that there was still a bit of an itch under his skin from being so young, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as being a teenager had been.

Looking like he was twenty let him do what he wanted, without any of the aches and pains that age brought. Still. He could've done without his professors talking down, like they knew more than him. Like Doctor Davis, who taught his Shakespeare class. She said that she'd been studying Shakespeare for ten years, and Five wanted to tell her that that wasn't shit because he'd spent a full fifteen years arguing with Delores about Lady Macbeth's motivation-- and they'd disagreed to the very end. But he couldn't say that, which meant he and Doctor Davis spent a lot of time glaring at each other when they talked. He was pretty sure he was the sole reason she'd decided to give them a fucking group project, but she wouldn't admit as much. Diego thought it was funny the way he thought everything was funny when it didn't concern him. What an ass.

*

Five was a pretty weird guy. He was condescending-- which wasn't that weird-- but he actually already knew all the material. There was no reason for him to be in the class other than the degree requirement. It was really easy to be condescending when you were right, they guessed. 'They' being Five's unfortunate partners for the group project that they had in Shakespeare. Five had protested loudly at a group project, but Doctor Davis had only shrugged and said it was part of the curriculum.

They met up at the campus library two times before, and this was the third time so they could finish. Things were going pretty well-- or at least, they started going well once they figured out that Five's insults weren't personal and he didn't really care. It was more like he had no brain to mouth filter, so that every little thought came out where most people would've stopped before saying it-- even with that being said, he was still annoying. They didn't like him, and he didn't like them. For the most part, they ignored that to get the work done.

They were so close to finishing. Another two hours, and they'd be set.

That was when the internet went out. For all of them. They were in the middle of restarting their laptops and reconnecting to the wifi when an announcement went over the PA. "Attention to all occupants. The campus internet is out, and we've been told that it won't be fixed until tomorrow morning at the earliest. We apologize for the inconvenience."

"Shit," Allen breathed. "Does anyone live off campus? I'm in the dorms."

"Me too," Aisha said with a worried frown.

"I live in the sorority house, but it's the same wifi as the campus," Judy said.

None of them really wanted to ask Five, but after clenching his jaw for a moment, he answered on his own. "I guess we can go to my apartment."

"Okay, cool," Allen said, trying not to sound as thrown as he was, and they all started packing up now that they knew what the plan was. "Thanks."

"How long does it take to get to your place on the bus?" Judy asked.

Then, looking even more uncomfortable than before, Five said, "I'll just drive us."

"You have a car?" Judy said, surprised. Five didn't bother to answer, but after seeing the car, it became clear that Five was loaded. What other college kid had a Rolls Royce? She half expected for him to pull up to a swanky condo, but he went to an ordinary looking apartment building and parked.

Every inch of his posture screamed that he didn't want to be inviting them to where he lived, but they were sort of out of options for other places to go. There were coffee shops and shit, but with the campus wifi out, every student that lived in the dorms would be filling those places and there wouldn’t be room for all of them.

Five unlocked the door, and they all filed in, not knowing what to expect from his place. Walls of books would've fit right in with his know-it-all aura, but an empty living room with no decoration also wouldn't have been out of place. The way his living room actually looked was almost too normal. There was a tv set up on a stand that probably hadn't been made for it. There was a small bookshelf stuffed more books than it could easily hold. One couch and a banged up coffee table in front of it with various items on it. There was a poster for an Allison Hargreeves movie on the wall, and what looked like an oil painting.

The thing that really got to them was that Five didn't live alone. It was obvious in the way the living room was built to accommodate two people-- the two hooks for coats and the indent of where two pairs of shoes usually sat at the door, not to mention the set of dishes by the sink that couldn't only be accounted for with only one person. His roommate was either as weird as him, or a normal person trying to ignore his eccentricities, and his project partners hoped that they'd never have the chance to figure it out.

Five grabbed an index card from the tv stand and put it on the coffee table while he worked on clearing the rest of it off. Aisha glanced at the card and realized it was the wifi network information. She pulled out her laptop and tapped impatiently as she waited for it to boot up. She got her internet set up, then passed the index card to Allen since he was next to her. She took a glance around but didn't see an outlet. Her laptop's battery was shit; she wouldn't be able to make it through the evening without plugging it in.

"Hey Five?" Aisha said, the end of her charger in one hand.

He glanced over at her, then nodded to the right of her. "It's at the edge of the couch."

"Thanks."

None of them made themselves comfortable, knowing that this wasn't a social visit. It was an awkward hour as they hurriedly worked, but they didn't get a chance to finish before they were interrupted. And when the interruption came, it came in a big way. Like a fucking superstar walking into the room, because that's exactly what happened. It was Allison Hargreeves! Allison fucking Hargreeves walked into the place holding a massive picture frame.

There was no way Allison Hargreeves was the one who lived here. Simply no way. She had a kid and shit, didn't she? And she wouldn't settle for living in a place like this-- it wasn't a dump or anything, but it wasn't where a famous movie star would live. What the hell was she doing here? Come to think of it, Five's last name was Hargreeves, wasn't it? Maybe they were related somehow. It would certainly explain the expensive car and the better-than-you attitude. Hell, if Aisha had Allison Hargreeves for a sister, she'd think that she was better than everyone else, too.

Another woman walked up behind her, looking like a housewife straight out of a fifties advertisement, from the smile on her face to her perfectly coiffed hair to the short heels on her feet that matched her skirt.

"Oh hey Five," Allison fucking Hargreeves said, like she saw him everyday.

He glanced over at her. "Did you seriously fly over from LA to go shopping with Grace?" Then his eyes flickered over to the other woman. "Hi Grace."

"Hello Five, darling," she said. It was kind of unimaginable that Five let anyone call him darling, but he didn't seem bothered by it.

"Actually," Allison Hargreeves said, "I came over to hang out with Diego, and he wanted to go shopping with Mom. I didn't have anything better to do, so I tagged along. He said you were busy tonight." She glanced over at them and smiled, then gave a little wave with her free hand.

They all waved back numbly. "We're working on a group project together," Judy managed to say.

"Are you going to introduce us?" Grace-- Mom??-- asked.

"No," Five said bluntly. "We're not friends."

"You really should make some friends," Grace said, her smile still in place. "They're important for your social development." All he had to do was look at her, and she said, "Sorry dear. It's instinct."

"I can be out of your hair soon, if you want," Allison Hargreeves said.

"Whose hair are we getting out of?" a man asked, kicking the door closed. You ever look at a guy and think 'I don't want to fuck with him'? Yeah, that was this guy. The paper bags he was holding from shopping weren't intimidating, but his clothes barely hid a strong physique, and the scar on his head only added to the badass factor he had going on. Allen was pretty sure the only people that owned boots like that were familiar with breaking people's bones, and he shrank in on himself slightly without thinking about it. Then he saw Five and said, "Hey babe." He said it to Five. Was... was he Five's boyfriend?! Was Five living here with his boyfriend?? "Something wrong with the library?"

"The internet decided to die," he said wryly. "We're almost done."

"Cool." Five's boyfriend (probably boyfriend??) walked towards the bedroom, and Allison Hargreeves and that Grace woman followed him. The door stayed open, but it was far enough away that when they spoke, the group could only hear the murmurs of their voices and not the words that were being said.

They were distracted for a little while by the fact that they'd just met Allison Hargreeves, the most famous and talented actress in Hollywood, but they managed to get the rest of the work done without wasting too much time.

If it were anyone other than Five, they probably would've been able to get an official introduction to her-- maybe a picture or two-- but they finished the project, gave it a quick read-through to make sure there was nothing obvious missing, and then they were being ushered out. Aisha got out her phone and ordered an Uber as they packed up.

Five turned his head and called, "We're done!" down the hallway.

As they left, Judy saw Five kiss the man that had walked in with Allison Hargreeves and Grace. Definitely his boyfriend, then, though personally, she thought that he was too old for Five. She knew better than to say that aloud, so she just said goodbye and that she'd see him in class.

They were all glad that they only had the one class with Five.