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dizzydennis · 5 years ago

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A long, in-depth review of Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020

I remember playing the first Mario & Sonic game back on the Nintendo Wii. It was simple and a bit unbelievable that this was the first time these two gaming icons would be in a video game together. While the Olympics were literally nobody’s choice to have these heroes meet, it made for a fun albeit simplistic party game. I enjoyed my time with it, but it wasn’t until the second game, Mario & Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games that I fell in love with the series. The amount of variety and fan service was staggering and it was very clear that a lot of passion had gone into this game, but as the games moved to the Wii U, it was apparent that the creative was drying up as the game focused more on the typical Olympic events.

That takes us to 2019 where the series has returned on the Nintendo Switch. Considering the fact that this game was made to coincide with the Tokyo 2020 Olympics, I was very excited. Not only is this the home country of both Mario and Sonic, but it’s where I’ve been living for the past 4 and a half years. I was worried when the series skipped the Pyeongchang Olympics that we would never see them in Japan. However, fate would be kind to me. The only question was: does this new edition reach the previous highs that the best Mario & Sonic outings have reached or is it another missed opportunity.

This game has a very interesting premise too. Since Tokyo was the host of the Olympics back in 1964, there is a time travel plot where Sonic, Eggman, Mario, Bowser, and Toad get sucked into a video game world based on those events. It allows for a fresh idea presented with classic sprites of these beloved characters. With the 2020 Olympic events combined with the 1964 events, there are plenty of events to try out.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t describe how nice the game looks. Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 is a very good looking game. In single player, the game constantly runs at 60FPS with highly detailed character models and lush environments. The crowds consisting of Toads, Shy Guys, Flickies, and more are still 2D textures that are animated well, but when inspected, they do not hold up. In Olympic events where the game is handled in splitscreen, the framerate can often take a hit. It’s nothing unplayable, but it is very noticeable. The menus are also very slick though a bit simplistic from past entries. Even so, you’ll be treated with wonderful character renders over the backdrop of various Tokyo locales. The only problem with the visuals come from the retro 1964 mode. While the sprites look fine, there is a huge clash between the Super Mario characters being 8-bit sprites while the Sonic characters are 16-bit sprites. It seems as this was done for broad appeal since Mario’s NES outings and Sonic’s Genesis outings are arguably their most well-known appearances. Even so, it doesn’t mesh together perfectly.

So the game looks good for the most part, but how does it sound? Honestly, it’s a mixed bag and a particularly odd one too. During story mode, characters do not speak in full sentences. Sonic may say “Hey” while the text box fills in an entire sentence of dialogue. This isn’t a problem, but what is a bit distracting are the voice samples chosen; specifically, the Super Mario characters. Mario and Luigi have no text boxes with their dialogue, but instead will only make small noises or words. It becomes increasingly annoying as their responses are so limited. You cannot skip or fast forward any dialogue boxes or animations either. There was no reason to keep them from talking as Bowser, Princess Peach, and Toad all talk just as the Sonic characters do. However, characters like Luigi, Daisy, and the Koopalings have the most peculiar voice samples. Daisy sounds like she’s about to cough up her lunch and the Koopalings have this odd reverb effect that sounds like a rendering error. Many of these samples just sound unpleasant and you’ll be hearing them enough that it becomes grating.

Now, the Mario & Sonic series has been praised by fans for their amazing remixes of classic songs. These remixes allowed some unique flair to be given to countless songs from Mario and Sonic’s catalogue. So, one may wonder how many remixes there are in Mario & Sonic Tokyo. Two. There are only two remixes from the respective series. Sonic’s side received a rather standard and unimpressive remix of Metropolitan Highway from Sonic Forces. It doesn’t improve the original song at all and feels a bit half baked. On the other side, Mario received a remix of Peach’s Castle theme and it’s frankly awful. Just sped up with synth-like instruments. When this has been a repeated highlight for these games, (even in the less-than-stellar Wii U games), it’s baffling that SEGA and Nintendo didn’t try harder here. It feels lazy and extremely disappointing. In past games, you could go back to any event and change the standard background music to whatever songs you have unlocked. It’s just not possible here. That means that during the events, you’ll be listening to original music. Thankfully, it’s mostly very good! I am a big fan of the tunes set to Rugby Sevens, a battle with Metal Sonic, Surfing, and Dream Shooting. A lot of the music has a Japanese flair to it and it’s very well composed. Some songs are extremely catchy and I’ve found myself remembering and humming them outside of my time with the game. However, during the lengthy story cutscenes, you may be cycling through the same 5 or 6 songs and it can become old very quickly. They are good songs, but even the retro music wears thin when it’s been playing for most of your downtime.

Sonic fans have always been passionate about the voice work of the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Thankfully, the new voice clips (during events) are pretty good. Characters have interesting remarks when winning and some of them speak perfectly to their established characters. I believe that for the Sonic characters, most if not all of the voice clips are new. There are some baffling ones like Sonic saying “Ole!” and “Right through that wall!” at the most random times. Characters like Tails and Vector are very endearing in this game. Even so, it works well and as a fan, it was fun to hear. The Mario characters definitely have some new voice clips, but it’s hard to tell when their characters don’t vocally emote as often outside of this game. I’m sure there are some repeated clips, but there not all reused.

As this is a minigame collection, it’s important to question how the game actually plays. Overall, I think the Olympic events have been reworked in a significant enough way that it feels rewarding… though not perfect. For example, the 100M race, skateboarding, and badminton are a few events that are just too simplistic for their own good. They are just not as fulfilling to play through as other events. Rugby sevens, soccer (which is strangely called Football despite the fact that Japan calls the sport soccer), Karate, Archery, Sport Climbing, and Equestrian are a few of the events that are just exhilarating. Most of the events have done an admirable job allowing for motion controls with two joy cons, one joy con, or buttons. Since I have been gaming since the early 1990s, I almost always prefer button controls. Even so, I have to admit that the motion controls are fun… for some of the events. Archery is a blast with motion controls, as are the track & field events. The game seems to make a conscious effort to balance the less accurate use of motion controls to button controls. That’s great, but it can make some events feel unfairly difficult due to the handicap. For example, when using button controls, the Boxing event feels almost impossible to win without a huge amount of luck. If you’re knocked down while using buttons, you have to jam the A button to get up and it feels nearly impossible to recover within the allotted time. It’s something that was so aggravating that I found myself praying that SEGA would release a quality of life patch for this game to iron out some of the problems.

The 1964 events are pretty different from the 2020 events. Since they’re based on retro video games, they only allow for button controls. But with this aesthetic comes simplified gameplay. I found these events to be fun, but not too engaging. Shooting, 10M Platform, Marathon were pretty fun, but I wasn’t wowed by these. It’s 2019 and I think I can speak for many when I say that using retro sprites in your game doesn’t excite people as much as it used to. It sometimes comes across as desperate fan service. While these events are fun, I have to question: Has the game really benefited from going with this throwback? It has certainly increased the amount of events and didn’t hurt the overall package, but I also wasn’t blown away by their inclusion. Speaking of these retro events, it’s very saddening that it’s only limited to 8 characters. Classic characters like Donkey Kong, Metal Sonic, and especially Amy Rose are left out for seemingly no reason. This kind of exclusivity from the “classic” side of Sonic has been limited to Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Dr. Eggman for a long while now and it seems to ignore that Amy was part of that original crew too. Moreover, I’m sure fans would have loved to see more characters in this retro style. If SEGA/Nintendo had made more of an effort, we could have possibly seen more modern characters like Shadow the Hedgehog or Waluigi.

Throughout story mode there are also a number of mini games. In 2020, Luigi and Tails partake in many events. Whether it’s climbing up the side of Tokyo Tower, battling Shy Guys, or kicking a rugby ball to attack Metal Sonic; these events share their DNA with the normal Olympic events. Some of the ideas are creative, but they are over before they really begin. Again, they’re simplistic and through that simplicity is their downfall. I love the ideas on display, but I want them to be more engaging. One particular mini game that I was fond of has you searching for a particular Toad at the famous Shibuya Scramble. It’s basically a virtual version of a Where’s Waldo game, but it’s very fun and unique. The only problem is that it ends after finding three targets. If there was an option for this to be expanded into an endurance mode, then I think it would really have some legs.

The mini games for the 1964 world are a bit more unique, but are still overly simple. You might be sneaking into a museum, using Sonic’s speed to chase down a bullet train (shinkansen), or even using the biplane known as the Tornado to attack Eggman’s mechs above Tokyo. Interestingly, that sky battle is the most complex of all the mini games, but even it ends after three stages. What works so well with this mode is that the stage consists of numerous Sonic enemies with decent fan service throughout. You’ll battle Eggman’s first boss from Sonic the Hedgehog 1 as well as Mecha Sonic and the Metropolis Zone boss from Sonic 2. It’s so bizarre that this great amount of fan service is so hidden. You must re-enter this game a second time from a completely different menu to see this.

There are three Dream Events in this game. The first being Dream Racing which is honestly fantastic. It’s based on a stage from Sonic Forces and features a downhill race on hoverboards with Mario Kart-like items. It’s a bit clunky on certain parts, but it’s a lot of fun. The kinetic energy of the whole thing makes me want more than just one stage based on this. It’s definitely a highlight and if there was entire game based on a more refined version of this... I wouldn’t be opposed. Following that is Dream Karate based on the Mushroom Kingdom from Super Mario Odyssey. It’s a mess. There doesn’t seem to be any clear strategy and it favors chaos over defined goals. Also, it hardly uses the Mario universe. It’s just a square arena set in a Mario world with a bad remix in the background. Very disappointing. Lastly is Dream Shooting which takes place in a Japanese temple with each corner of the temple representing a different season. It uses the gyro controls of the Nintendo Switch and it’s very fun. A little clunky here and there, but enjoyable nonetheless. It has one crucial flaw in the fact that your character will laugh every single time they hit a target. It gets annoying quick when you’re constantly firing away and hearing them cackle nonstop. I don’t know how that sort of thing still gets by developers.

The story mode was heavily pushed with a lot of the promotion for this game. I can honestly say that this is not the type of game that needs a story, but it’s the kind of dopey thing that I am absolutely on board for. I was hoping for an over-the-top plot that had these characters doing ridiculous things based on idea from the Olympics. My expectations weren’t completely baseless either. Past games on the Nintendo DS and Nintendo 3DS have had story campaigns and they got wild with shadow clones of the characters to Dr. Eggman releasing giant robots. The games even featured some surprisingly well animated cutscenes too. You wouldn’t be wrong in thinking that I was hyped for this mode. What we got, however, was bare bones. I like the corny idea of the heroes and villains getting sucked into the retro game world. That’s wonderful, but unfortunately it doesn’t really get zanier than that. In 2020, Tails and Luigi work to save their friends by participating in regular Olympic events. In 1964, Mario and Sonic save themselves by participating in regular Olympic events. Yes, there are occasional mini games, but as I mentioned earlier, they are so simple and feel like they’ve finished before they’ve begun. Where’s the fun, the stupidly epic nature you can achieve when featuring franchises like Super Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog? Why can’t Eggman use the Gold Medals to make this fire monster that will compete against Mario and Sonic? Why can’t Metal Sonic cause chaos in Tokyo while Tails and Luigi stop him with a small platforming challenge? I know that there was an attempt with the mini games that are available, but it still comes up short and leaves me wanting a lot more.

This problem is completely related to the story as well. Meaning that while it has some genuinely great moments, it is a slog to get through at times. It has one formula and it follows that formula for the entire campaign. Every time, it’s a chore of: “go to this venue, talk to the character, face that character in an event, have them give you an item.” It never breaks off from this formula. Even the mini games follow the same structure. Again, where’s the heart? This is just running through the motions of a story. I’d love for it to really go wild with the Olympics and the characters at their disposal. One thing I couldn’t wrap my head around was the use of Luigi. This game really, really, really likes Luigi. He has the most mini games out of anybody, he’s featured in the story more than any other character, and once the game is finished, you are stuck using Luigi for any of the events within the epilogue. This includes the Dream Events too. Considering the fact that this game came out just one day after Luigi’s Mansion 3, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was intentional. It’s very odd that a game with Mario & Sonic in the title gives so much of the spotlight to Luigi. Along with his annoying vocal grunts that I mentioned earlier, I found Luigi got on my nerves throughout the story. The game also never lets you control any Sonic characters outside of a few events. Despite the fact that they are in pairs for the entire story, on the map screens, you can only control Mario in 1964 and Luigi in 2020. Not for nothing, but I’d like to control Sonic and Tails if I had the choice. This isn’t a huge complaint, but it’s something I noticed.

There are some positives to the story mode though. Certain character interactions are fantastic. I really loved bumping into Jet the Hawk, Wario & Waluigi, and Ludwig von Koopa during the campaign. Jet still refers to Sonic by his full name which was a bit of character consistency that made me smile. Sonic is also written pretty well. Since Mario doesn’t talk, Sonic does all of the talking for the heroes. He’s got a great mix of cockiness, heroism, and that cheesy factor that makes him so likeable. I was happy seeing how Sonic acted even if it wasn’t anything too mind blowing. Bowser and Eggman are written a bit more incompetent than usual, but it works well for comedic effect. There is also a moment in the climax that taps into that greatness I was hoping for. It’s a fantastic moment that I won’t spoil, but I enjoyed it and cared about what was happening to all of the character in the retro game world.

Throughout the map screens, you can find trivia pods. This seems like cheap filler, but I have to be honest… I actually found them very fun. There are 4 types of trivia cards: Olympic trivia, Japan trivia, Mario character trivia, and Sonic character trivia. I found myself learning a lot about the Olympics and Japan through this game. Often I became aware of things I never knew of. As a fan too, seeing Amy’s love for fortune reading or the game teasing that Wario and Waluigi are just two dudes who hang out together was a nice treat. However, being a big fan also means you know when they make mistakes. So when they say that Eggman Nega is Eggman’s descendant, I can’t help, but roll my eye. Yes, I know the Sonic Rivals games messed up the continuity, but the Sonic Rush games clearly established he’s from another dimension. His name is Eggman NEGA for crying out loud! In fact, his whole character is stated time and time again that he hates Eggman and yet he spends a vast majority of the campaign actively trying to save Eggman from the video game world. How many wires got crossed when they were making this game? Also, some pods say that Shadow being born on the Space Colony ARK is just a rumor... when we’ve had TWO games dedicated to that backstory. It just left me flabbergasted. Other trivia pods are just a waste of time though. “What color are Wendy’s shoes,” read one question that had a full body picture of Wendy attached to it. (Yes, you could clearly see her shoes). Were they that lazy with some of these?

One particular thing about the story mode that had me laughing while also sighing was how much this game praises Japan. It’s honestly hilarious. Talking to Toads or animals around the map screens almost always has them saying how amazing Japan is, how the Olympics are this perfect accumulation of everybody’s efforts, or how nice and incredible Japanese achievements and citizens are. I’m not saying that Japan is a bad country, but when you’re constantly being told this stuff, after a while it just seems like excessive. I’m not blind to the fact that this game was made to be a commercial of sorts for the 2020 Olympic games and for Japan too, but the game clearly has more love and more of a desire to promote Japan than it does the two lead stars of the game. Let’s be honest here, Olympic fans aren’t coming out in droves to play this game, Mario and Sonic fans are.

Online play has been included too. Honestly, there isn’t too much to say about it. If you’ve played Super Smash Bros. Ultimate or Super Mario Maker 2 online before then you know what to expect. Nintendo’s shoddy online service doesn’t do Mario & Sonic any favors. It’s functional, but button delay and occasional lag are very apparent and do hamper the experience. I enjoyed a few games of Rugby Sevens online, but I never felt like I had as much control as I did when I was playing solo. For games like the Javelin Throw or Triple Jump that require pinpoint accuracy, I don’t see how this is going to be viable. Nintendo can make some great games, but they are constantly behind in all other aspects.

Plenty can be said about Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020. Mechanically, all of the changes to the many events have benefited how they played. There’s a lot to experience here, but the game shies away from using the potential of having such iconic heroes in their line-up. I don’t know if it’s incompetence or laziness, but this doesn’t not reach the heights that it should. It has less Dream Events, less music remixes, less fan service, and a less ambitious story than previous Mario & Sonic games. Many people come into these games knowing they’ll be simple, but also feeling that the fan service and winks to the source material will elevate it into something great. Nevertheless, it feels like SEGA and Nintendo believed that putting Sonic and company in cute outfits would be enough to excuse other lackluster elements. I worry that this review may have come across as overly negative. There are many things I love about this game and I find that the game can be a real blast to play! The variety of the events and the pure fun factor of some cannot be denied. There are many good qualities to be found in this product, but when it lacks that special shine and polish that is to be expected by now, it inevitably feels disappointing. I don’t hate this game in the slightest, but I’d be lying if I said it I wasn’t left wanting more as a fan. SEGA and Nintendo are big companies and they can do better than this; we should expect more from them. At the end of the day, I will definitely be popping this game in from time to time. The mechanics are fun and there are lovable characters in here. I just wish they were celebrated more than the Olympics themselves.

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Nintendo #Mario and Sonic #mario & sonic at the olympic games #nintendo switch

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kitkat1003 · 7 years ago

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Cracking the Barrel

HERE‘S PART ONE OF WHO THE FUCK KNOWS HOW MANY

@voiceintheradio u wanted this and @snarkyowl AHHHH

Dark sits in his room.

He never does much else. His therapist tells him that getting out more will make things easier, will take away stress, but-You’re never going anywhere, the hand gripping his shirt and dragging him away from the door that had been desperately clawed at once lockpicking had failed’s owner whispers, the light from the door disappearing as he’s dragged back farther and farther-Dark can’t find it in himself to move, to get up and brave going to the outdoors when so many things could go wrong on the way.

Still, his stomach rumbles, and since Dark is too tired to cook that means he has to go out and pick something up. With a sigh, he gets up from his desk-work from his teaching job, an online course that requires minimal talking to actual people and more control is left unfinished on his computer-and puts on his suitcoat. He buttons it up, fixes his tie, and cracks his neck. His therapist says that the motions where he smooths his coat, where he moves his neck; she says those are his. Damien always has his cane in his hands-Dark has seen it in his closet, and wonders what would happen should he get rid of it-and Celine loves to play with his hair and wear a veil-again, in his closet-as well as play with the supernatural. His third is apparently mute, quiet and one to follow others orders rather than their own. Again, according to his therapist, the third has neither a name nor a noticeable gender identity, but they’re at the very least kind.

The notes she gets from the hypnotherapy Dark allows himself to partake in is placed on his bedside table, and are the only reason he remembers that these excess personalities exist in his head. They’re the reason he knows his name. His name-David Christopher Iplier- doesn’t feel like his own anymore, much like the moments and things he does when he isn’t himself don’t make sense.

Celine likes to go to bars and flirt, or do a séance. Damien likes to work, even though half the time he has no idea what he’s doing. The third likes to relax, to drink expensive alcohol and read.

His heart reflects it all, with the red and blue behind his black colored soul-it’s easier to hide cracks on his heart, at least-and the gray outline. People ask Dark about it sometimes, why it drips and why it has so many colors. He usually doesn’t answer, just stares.

He hates people. There are only two he tolerates, that being his cousin Edward and of course Amy. Edward calls him every other week, and Dark makes up something new every time so as to assuage the worries of the overworked physician, but he worries that he isn’t very convincing.

Walking is a chore, but Dark only drives when he has somewhere far to go. The Cracker Barrel isn’t that far away, fortunately, and the people who work there know him well enough that he can simply call and ask for his usual.

Sometimes he doesn’t make it there at all, because the memories that come with leaving the house-a cop, finding him curled up in a ball in the basement, brows furrowed. He’d been so small in the man’s arms, and when he had been taken outside, he’d panicked. “I’m not supposed to leave! I’ll get in trouble! Please!” The worried eyes never left him until he was sedated, and Dark wonders if the man is still alive-make him become someone else.

The Cracker Barrel people understand, but Dark thinks it’s because his therapist-Amy Nelson, a sweetheart in her own right-also goes there with her boyfriend-almost excessively- and has most likely explained things.

He’d called during the dinner rush, so his meal isn’t done when he arrives. That’s an annoyance, because that means he has to sit around and wait for his meal, hoping that no one will sit next to him or try and talk to him. It also means he must subject his eyes to the menagerie of colors and effects bursting from each person’s heart splayed in front for their chests, and for that he keeps his gaze to the floor.

If he just keeps his head down while he waits, he’ll be left alone. Hopefully.

He isn’t lucky today, apparently, because two minutes in a madman wearing a bright yellow button up shirt with bright pink suspenders and bowtie that starkly contrast his dark skin tone dashes in, bright-eyed and loud and everything Dark doesn’t want to deal with right now. It seems like he’s in the same predicament Dark is in, and of course he sits down right next to Dark, and wow is his mustache pink too?

What a weirdo.

For a few moments, Dark is given the closest thing to peace and quiet that one can have in a crowded restaurant full of voices and colors, before fate decides once again to make him hate his life by having the man turn to him and start talking.

“Can you believe this service? They outta work on their readiness if they’re gonna take calls!” The words are obviously crafted to entice conversation or argument, so much so that Dark rolls his eyes, sighing.

“It’s the dinner rush. They’re going to be busy,” Is his monotone reply, and the man’s eyes light up. Dammit, he’d given him enough to continue. Now he’ll never get the idiot to shut up.

“Hmm, I suppose you may be right. Anywho, I’m Wilford Warfstache. I’m sure you’ve heard of me?” Just like that, the subject is changed, not that Dark is surprised. People like him-Wilford, he supposes-like to talk and talk, saying anything to get a response so they can talk some more.

As for the name, it is somewhat familiar. Dark doesn’t watch TV often, but he is aware of the Wilford Warfstache Interviews. The host, Wilford Warfstache, is a scripted character eccentric with an affinity for murder and terrible humor. It’s not the most popular of shows, nowhere near a big hit, but just well-liked enough that you’d be out of touch not to at least know it exists.

Not that Dark feels like telling Wilford that. The man seems to have a big enough ego as is.

“Should I have?” Is his snarky response, and the way Wilford’s face contorts into offense is beautiful, in its own way. He chuckles lightly, and Wilford blinks, anger melting away before his lips twitch back into a grin.

“You rapscallion! You know exactly who I am!” The man wiggles his mustache, and Dark takes a moment to stare at Wilford’s heart, ignoring the man’s antics.

It’s pink, because of course it is, and from its valves comes cotton candy-He wouldn’t be surprised if Wilford tried to eat some of it-the same as his eyes. It’s perfectly normal looking, but Dark can almost see a sliver of something else behind it, as if the pink is a mirage.

A flash of warm brown dashes forth, if only for a moment, and Dark doesn’t have time to question it before he’s called to grab his order. Wilford is called up right after, and he walks with Dark out the door.

When Dark looks over at Wilford, only because it would be impolite to not say goodbye after they had their odd conversation of sorts, he has to double-take because holy shit Wilford is actually nibbling on the cotton candy spilling out from his heart. It’s so startling that Dark actually barks out a laugh, causing Wilford to turn and look at him, still chewing on cotton candy. Dark immediately schools his expression, clearing his throat into his closed fist, but Wilford grins anyway, dark brown skin crinkling around the edges of his pink eyes-Dark hadn’t noticed how fake the smile had been earlier, how the joy had been forced, an act, but now he can see the difference when Wilford actually looks happy-before he claps Dark on the back.

“I’ll see you around,” A wink, a wiggle from his mustache, and then he’s off, jogging to his car and setting the food in the backseat before driving off.

Dark stares at where Wilford used to be for a long time, the ghost of Wilford’s hand on his back causing his sting to tingle.

When was the last time someone other than Amy or Edward talked to him in an actual conversation? Touched him, even? He can’t remember, but his heart drips with black sludge onto his shoes, and he sighs.

He hadn’t even told Wilford his name.

By the time he gets home, his food is cold.

#heart open au #darkiplier #wilford warfstache #kitkat1003

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs: 1997, part one

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart between 11 january and 8 march 1997

that may seem like an arbitrary cut-off, and that’s because it is, my sleep got hella fucked and i couldn’t focus on listening to these songs for more than like three at a time (bob we know sgdq was last week) LET ME BELIEVE I TRIED MY BEST, but i have a soft deadline of tuesday for these posts and DIDN’T WANT TO SHORT YOU so here are 50+ reviews and i will do my darndest to catch up with 1997 by the end of the week

1.11.1997

65) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill

oh gosh this just kicks it off right. this is the epitome of '90s cheese: an absurdly talented man singing a song about heartbreak and/or lovemaking over a thousand chimes. bravo, everyone that could have made this happen. i expect i'll get as tired of slow-jam r&b tracks a thousand chime noises as i am of dumb meathead trap songs by the time i get to week 27 of 1997, but right now, it's a treat to hear a singer who is legitimately good at singing.

85) "What They Do," by The Roots

You know, I've never actually checked out a full The Roots album. I've always understood they would be something I like, and I understand it's something of a tragedy they're relegated to a sideshow for Jimmy Fallon (of all people, Jimmy Fallon), like, I'm familiar enough with them that listening to this song was like... Like, I went to a friend's birthday party a few months back, and it was at this bar I hadn't heard of. I'm not usually the sort of person who goes to bars, and I haven't been back since, but something about that bar just instantly felt like home to me, like, maybe the tacos, or maybe the atmosphere, or maybe the fact I nearly smoked weed for the first time with the chef, but I left that bar thinking, "This is the sort of place I'd like to be a regular." That's what listening to a 20-year-old Roots song is like. It's like instantly knowing you're home.

96) "Tears," by The Isley Brothers

"God so loved the world/That he blessed us all with you/Then he gave me a heart/And now I'm giving it to you" THAT IS AN AMAZING LYRIC AND THAT SINGLE-HANDEDLY SALVAGED THIS SONG AND THIS REVIEW. Like I was struggling with how to say this song was boring, but then that line just dropped into my lap, and it... It's as if the Christian god God so loved the world that he gave this lyric to us all, and then he gave me a heart so I could give it to this song. That is quality corniness, right there.

1.18.1997

62) "It's All About U," by SWV

1997 is batting 1.000 right now. This isn't quite an absolute jam, but there's some solid harmonies, a really fun funk-influenced track, and what sounds like Jay-Z going "unh" once every few seconds. This is a good time! 1997 is so much more fun than the other years, is the snap judgement I am making twenty minutes in. 2017 is the confused goth kid who mistakes being dark with being interesting, and 2007's a chill dude with the right person but kind of a stiff sometimes, and 1997's just the life of the party.

84) "Firestarter," by The Prodigy

Pobody's nerfect, 1997. Solid start, but even the best fall down sometimes. This dude describes himself as twisted in the chorus and in one of the verses, and when someone has to insist that they're twisted, that's how you know they're crazy. Oooh, this dude loves fire, that's not a trait this dude shares with a thousand teenage boys who all think they're funnier than they are. (Speaking from experience.) Such a wondrous mind to be so tortured! Truly the Kanye of his generation!

90) "Colour of Love," by Amber

OK. OK, so, this was an unpleasant thing to listen to, but man, listening to this song while having the video on in the background was an assault on the senses. The video is pastel in all the wrong ways, and I was heretofore a believer that there is no such thing as a wrong way to use pastel, but ye gods, the awful color scheme and the aggressively cheery song (LOVE IS GOOD. YOU WILL AGREE THAT LOVE IS GOOD. THIS IS HAPPY NOISES FOR HAPPY THOUGHTS.) made this potentially the most unpleasant listening experience i've had so far for YAS. 1997 has established a high ceiling and a frighteniningly low floor.

1.25.1997

11) "Wannabe," by Spice Girls

This song has 58,236 dislikes on YouTube. Mind you, this song is 20 years old. YouTube, to the best of my knowledge, does not allow you to view a video at random, though I'll cop to not knowing the full extent of YouTube's features. But to have listened to this song on YouTube, you had to go to YouTube intending to listen to this song, which means there are nearly 58,236 people on this planet who intentionally went to the official "Wannabe" music video on YouTube dot com solely to hit the dislike button. There are, obviously, more worthless people; I doubt that the entire Republican party is on YouTube. Hitting the dislike button on this video, though, is still a demarcation of general worthlessness. Anyway, this song, it's not as good as you remember or as bad as you want it to be. It's just a bad pop song elevated by memory. Also, none of these girls could sing. Like I didn't expect SWV-level work, but man, this was disappointing to listen to. Like, I watched Space Jam once as an adult because I was awake at 1 AM and wanted to fire off some tweets, only to learn that Space Jam wasn't like an amazingly bad movie it was just a lazily-written and poorly-acted and boring-bad, and hearing this song made me feel the same disappointment I felt watching Space Jam.

32) "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down," by Puff Daddy ft./Mase

I talk a lot about The Game's 1992 because it's an amazing album, but like the entire time I was listening to this song, I couldn't stop hearing the hook for "Orange Juice." Mostly because it's easy to ignore Mase. Not a good rapper, this man! Nor is P. Diddy! It's a classic track, and I am glad someone else made a better home for it.

33) "On & On," by Erykah Badu

This seems like one of those songs that sort of defies the point of this whole enterprise, because it demands a deeper listen and more thought than I, needing to cram hundreds of pop songs into a few hours spread across a few days, an able to give. This seems like a track that'll reward multiple listens, and Erykah Badu's on the same musical to-do list as The Roots, and it does not seem like a good track to gloss over so we can get to whatever trash is next. Leah Andreone, always a good sign when you don't recognize the name.

79) "It's Alright, It's OK," by Leah Andreone

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. MOM WHERE DID YOU PUT MY ALANIS CDS. OH MY GOD DON'T EVEN JOKE, IF YOU REALLY THREW THEM AWAY I'LL BE SO SAD. UGH, YOU'RE RUNING MY LIFE! This song is as wonderfully bad as I wanted "Wannabe" to be. Like, some of the pained noises she makes with her voice are making me laugh out loud. My goodness. SHE WAS 24! Man, I mean, this really puts Tay Tay into perspective a little bit, y'know? Like, Tay Tay wrote a lot of bad songs, but she never wrote anything so dumb as "Her ideas need expression/Her wounds never bleed/Her beauty lives in my eyes/Too bad she can't see." Like, the same age this woman was when she made this song, Tay Tay made "Style." We take Tay Tay for granted, is what I'm trying to say. "Cloudy diamonds freebase fun house." Just say meth, dude.

87) "Setting Sun," by CHEMICAL BROTHERS

You could give me a thousand hours and I wouldn't be able to tell you how this was meaningfully different from "Firestarter."

89) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe

This is a dance track I can get behind! Not some awful thing with noises meant to evoke darkness and mosery, a song that says "Hey, dancing is fun! Get out there and do it! Don't feel bad about it!" It's still Eurotrash, but at least it's the fun Eurovisiony side of the genre, not trash trying to disguise itself as recyclable materials.

91) "Another You, Another Me," by Brady Seals

...You know, I don't like that I had to listen to a Charlie Puth song for YAS 17, because Charlie Puth is a boring dude and his songs are bad, but at least Charlie Puth has something akin to a personality. "Marvin Gaye" is a song devoid of creativity, but at least I can identify Charlie Puth as someone who enjoys Marvin Gaye. Milquetoast white dudes in the '90s were just boring fucking white dudes. They didn't have to have ANYTHING like a personality, they could have a nice haircut and sing about love and that was it! I can't believe someone out there loved this song enough to keep it with them and uploaded it to YouTube. I can't believe someone remembered this song and uploaded it to YouTube.

92) "Don't Stop Movin'," by Livin' Joy

So all the dance tracks have been boring and don't really move my needle, but at least electronic music in the '90s wasn't trying to infuse itself with sensitivity or artistic ambition. It was just trash to dance to. None of these songs are "Something Just Like This." The Livin' Joy Wikipedia page states, "Sadly Livin' Joy never managed the same level of success from their first two singles," and I am glad there is a page on Wikipedia being so neglected that some subjectivity can sneak in. That "Sadly" speaks volumes about the state of Livin' Joy's Wikipedia page.

2.1.1997

19) "Every Time I Close My Eyes," by Babyface

This was fine. It's nice to dip back into the sexy R&B slow jamz, it'd been a week, I was worried maybe the trend was over, but nope, here it is, slow and sexy as ever. Well met. ...I think I might be exaggerating the slow jamz, looks like it may be a couple weeks before we get another one, I dunno, I just couldn't come up with anything fresh to say about this song. Guy loves his girl and sings well about it. Great!

52) "Things'll Never Change/Rapper's Ball," by E-40 ft./Bo-Rock

As a longtime enjoyer of podcasts on the Maximum Fun network, I have long been aware of E-40 from all the times Jesse Thorn has upheld the virtues of San Francisco rap. This is probably not a great introduction to E-40. I would not have guessed E-40 would have made a message song based on all the descriptions of him I had heard. It's not a great message song, it's like "What It's Like" but with a weirdly bouncy beat and a weaker condemnation of the listener ("some things will never change/that's just the way it is/when will we ever learn" are we supposed to, what, accept that things don't change? what do you want from me, song. how am i supposed to help).

76) "Watch Me Do My Thing (From All That)," by Immature ft./Smooth & Ed from "Good Burger"

It's kind of amazing that All That was ever a thing. It's a show that presumes that: 1) children would want to watch sketch comedy, 2) specifically sketch comedy performed by other children which are just incredibly silly things to presume. No child should be watching sketch comedy that isn't going to grow up to be a sketch comedian. This song, made with one of All That's most beloved recurring characters, is about as good as any song made by 10-year-olds for 10-year-olds is ever going to be. Well done, congrats, oh hey Marques Houston you pop up ten years later great for you!

77) "Let Me Clear My Throat," by DJ Kool

This song is one verse and then a man shouting at people for three minutes. I thought I listened to the live version on accident, but nope, this is the actual song, this is the canonical version, one verse and then A THOUSAND EXHORTATIONS. Ah! Ah! Ah ah ah! That means I want to party like DJ Kool and his friends. Ah! Ah! Sorry, sorry, he just told me to say "Ah!" after he said "Uh." He said that when he says freeze, he wants me to stop on the dime, so I guess I have no choice to obey him! I feel involved in th

93) "Runnin'," by Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Radio, & Dramacydal

oh whoa a song with tupac and biggie on the track, that's crazy, i wonder if anything else happens in 1997 that would bring tupac and biggie together? Technically, this song is a 1995 release that people happened to purchase in 1997 for whatever reason, so despite being rather dope, I do wish I had found a reason to disqualify it from any consideration. I wouldn't have heard this song, but I would've saved five minutes and also not had to make the decision on whether I, someone mostly ignorant of hip-hop history, should write about the Tupac/Biggie feud. ...I mean, we're not done, not by any stretch of the imagination, but one less Tupac/Biggie-centric song would've been nice.

94) "My Baby Mama," by QT

So okay. Okay. This song, okay, this song? It's amazing. Like, let's get this out of the way, this song is the awesome bad the '90s knew I would one day need, like criminy, but this song? This song. This is a song about a man telling the mother of his child that she can always count on him, but also he pretty clearly left his baby's mama at some point, so she can't actually count on him. This song is so weird! This is the most loyal disloyal man alive. He sees his baby's mama at the mall with another man. "He was touching my baby/I went crazy/I shoulda beat that." DON'T BEAT UP YOUR BABY'S MAMA'S NEW LOVER AT THE SHOPPING MALL FOR TOUCHING YOUR CHILD, JEEZY PETES. Maybe QT isn't the greatest male role model for his kid to have. Gosh, I'm glad this song got put into my life.

96) "Whateva Man," by Redman

nothing like enjoying a classic hip-hop song and then they describe the effect the marijuana they are smoking is having on them by declaring themselves "chinky eyed." that's such a delightful turn of phrase, i hope we never get rid of it, it's so comfortable to think about and consider. also, "I smoked with a lot of college students/Most of 'em wasn't graduatin' and they knew it." that's a quality line. it's no chinky-eyed! it's still pretty great.

2.8.1997

66) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy

This is absolutely solid. It's a fun Latin twist on the standard '90s pop song, like not 100% Latin pop, just a normal pop song with enough Latin influence to make it more unique than that Amber nonsense from a thousand years ago. Just a grand old time, better than most of the things I've had to listen to so far to be sure, if maybe not great enough to justify the enterprise. We will unearth a classic, and not an ironic one like "My Baby Mama," we will find something that didn't deserve to be forgotten, and we will find it in this post!

75) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Ice Cream Man (Master P) & Mia X

If you'll permit me to grade this song based on what it isn't, this song was not a cover of the Rockwell song with a lazy rap verse attached, and I am ever grateful for that. As for the track: neat! All involved did fine work! Mia X's verse was particularly worthy of note, that young woman was out her mind, and I appreciated it. Good work! This also is not the classic I was hoping to unearth, this isn't the nugget we're hoping to find, but flakes in our pan are nothing to sneeze at.

78) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter

Hey! Country! Welcome! This is pleasant. Week 5 of 1997 has just been pleasant, not great, just nice songs by nice (hopefully) people that I can accept.

95) "Fired Up!" by Funky Green Dogs

House music, you just have to ruin everything good, don't you? Quick note about YouTube comments: the YouTube comments under every other genre are "man, my preferred genre of music was way better back when music still sounded good to me," but for house, you don't see people trashing the Chainsmokers or whatever, you just see comments like, "Man, this song was playing the first time I took mushrooms. What a trip!" and it's like, good on ya, house music people. Your music is horrendous, but y'all good people.

98) "Passion," by K5

YouTube Comments Under Shitty Dance Music, Vol. I Commenter: I shuffle skate to this almost every Saturday, the high point of my week Uploader: Wish they still had skatin rinks around here man. Miss those days. Someone in this exchange is the sadder person, but I can't tell if it's the only person whose single-greatest joy is derived from a weekly trip to the roller rink or the person who can't make time in their schedule for the roller rink. We had a good thing going with this set of five songs, and now I'm just sad for these people who love roller skating too much.

2.15.1997

56) "What's on Tonight," by Montell Jordan

"I pray that you're wearing Victoria's Secrets/Oh, that blows my mind" That's acceptable! I enjoy the image of a woman wearing lingerie that this song brings to mind! I agree with this song so far. "Now what should I bring/Strawberries I'm thinkin/Or some honey for your toes" I'm out. Nope. You can't get me to sway to your foot thing. I refuse. I'm not gonna do it. How dare you even try, sir. Gosh. We had something really great going, and the -- don't talk about toes! Not on the single, man! Sir, this is NOT how we do it.

78) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z

BABY JAY! This song is phenomenal. I don't really think about how deep the roster of female rappers was in the '90s, but man, the woman on "I Always Feel Like" and Foxy Brown have both killed it. Like, I defy anyone to come away from this song thinking Jay-Z badly overshadowed Foxy Brown. He overshadows her, yeah, it's Jay-Z in a moment where he was getting mighty close to the peak of his powers (if he wasn't already there), but Foxy Brown more than holds her own, and the realtive equality at play makes this song a complete jam. Highlight of the year so far!

79) "It's in Your Eyes," by Phil Collins

Ugh.

87) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone

this was cool and also it faded from memory as soon as the song ended also i'm trying to find out more information about Tre but apparently the band doesn't exist and they have a name with really poor seo. like, the wikipedia page for krayzie bone's discography doesn't even mention this song, and i find it hard to believe this was the most forgettable song krayzie bone ever featured on. the wiki lists two songs where some entity named Damizza is the lead artist, but omits tre from the complete record of krayzie bone history. this is weird, like the song is forgettable beyond the "take. your. tiiiiiiiiiime" chorus, but it deserves better than complete erasure!

88) "The Theme (It's Party Time)," by Tracey Lee

This is chill. It's as disposable as any of the rap tracks in 2007 or 2017, no one is pointing to this basic party jam when arguing the virtues of '90s hip-hop, but not every song is going to be a classic, and this song wasn't intended to sound like something more than a red Solo cup. OK work, sir. Congrats on making an accpetable song.

92) "Without Your Love," by Angelina

...look, i've been writing these posts for 27 weeks, and i'm more than a month deep into 1997. i don't claim to know every word i write, but i know i have not used this word before, because i don't believe it has critical value, but i'm listening to this song, and i can't tell if i have the right version, but i'm with this song, and, like, the beat sounds like farts. i'm sorry. but that's the most accurate descriptor available. there are fart noises on this track. people played this song on the radio! it has been seven months and i've made myself listen to multiple piles song, i am entitled to point out that a song sounds like farts when it legit sounds like farts. i'm sorry, angelina. you seem nice. your song is unpleasant.

93) "Drop Dead Gorgeous," by Republica

ye gods, it's as if they mashed everything bad about '90s music into one song. all it's missing is an allsuion to a foot fetish, and it would've checked every box on the list of things i hate about doing this to myself so far.

2.22.1997

10) "Discotheque," by U2

You can't tell me white privilege doesn't exist when we live in a world where U2 was allowed to continue making music after making this song. What the hell is this. If Apple tried to put this on our Apple-brand devices, they would have gone bankrupt. This is... How is dance music so fucking hard? You make a fun song that sounds like it'd be fun to dance to. That sounds simple. I don't get how every single band in the '90s trying to make dance music got it so wrong. Oh no he just went "ha! ha! ha! ha!" in the awful Bono falsetto. Mistakes were made.

17) "Don't Cry for Me Argentina," by Madonna

Man., at least when 2007 gave us Broadway, they gave us Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." Who asked for this. Who was buying Madonna singing Andrew Lloyd Webber. I mean, I guess that's not the craziest decision one could make with their money, but like these people probably also paid for the full soundtrack and for tickets to see the movie and likely the VHS copy, specifically to see Madonna performing Andrew Lloyd Webber, and like, I get it, but also, I don't.

37) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera

There's a riff about halfway through the song that nearly made me get out of my chair and shout, like I don't usually feel that way about people doing things with a collection of voices outside of Pentatonix songs, but there is absolutely a moment in this song that gave me chills. I miss this! I miss when people could sing, when the most impressive vocal feat on a song wasn't someone trilling their rs when they say "skrrt."

47) "Barrel of a Gun," by Depeche Mode

DAMNIT EVEN DEPECHE MODE IS BAD. All electronic-influenced music in the '90s was bad, and they even infected Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode is an entity I always understood to be good! This is disappointing. I thought this would at least be something I could get into the Brandi Carlisle or Paramore song I could claim was #1 over far more deserving or iconic tracks, but nope, it's just pointless noise. I'm bummed.

53) "Just Another Day," by John Mellencamp

So a ton of these songs have been absolutely awful. I don't think there's a single week in 1997 so far that would win, and despite weak weeks for the 21st century, it's not looking good for 1997. But this song is a reminder that what doesn't kill me doesn't kill me, so fill me up for just another day IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I BRwrong "Just Another Day" sorry, sorry. This "Just Another Day." It's OK. Look, it's John "Cougar" Mellencamp with another rockin' jam about small town America, I'm sorry, I don't, fuck do you want me to say about this? Just, like, some days I feel like dying, when I'm really only trying to get through "Just Another Day."

57) "Say... If You Feel Alright," by Crystal Waters

Every single house song has the exact same goddamn drum line and it's the fucking drum line from "I'm So Sexy" and it makes me angry every time it starts playing. Everyone who feels nostalgia for this is wrong. There's a comment under the video that just says "The Streetboys," and it has one like, so I'm glad someone agrees with Nairda on this topic.

73) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele

I haven't made the Top 20 yet but I wouldn't be surprised if the entire 1997 Top 20 is just R&B. This year got one thing right, and man, it got that thing incredibly right. Even the slow jamz, they're endless, but only one of the many has been outright awful so far, and even that was tolerable until the allusion to the foot thing, which is still incredibly upsetting I know it's 2017 and I should be desensitized but maybe let's not mainstream foot things, 1997? I'm not focusing on this song, which is amazing and I love it and is '90s in all the best ways. There's a spoken outro! A SPOKEN OUTRO! An absolute classic. It's criminal this only peaked at #44 on the US charts, absolutely criminal.

80) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe

Is this legit the first alternative rock song? How about that, I thought 1997 would be teeming with this sort of thing. Depending on the day, this is either the pinnacle of post-grunge or a combination of everything silly about the genre. It can be all things to all people. The guy has a pleasant growl and it's a song on a heavy subject that treats that subject with respect, and at the same time, it is exceedingly dour and there's 30 seconds of the dude just going "yeah" like in every '90s alt-rock song.

94) "Here's Your Sign (Get the Picture)," by Bill Engvall ft./Travis Tritt

Sometimes I think I'm not where I'm supposed to be in life, and then I remember that Jennifer Lawrence used to be a series regular on The Bill Engvall Show, and I remember I'm supposed to be on a journey home. Oh, this song? Well le -- oops! My fingers accidentally typed "electrolite" into the search bar, well no sense arguing with fate!

96) "Electrolite," by R.E.M.

This is slight. Like, I was worried I was judging this against the rest of R.E.M.'s ouevre? Because obviously, if I haven't heard of an R.E.M. song before, it's because it's not good, but judging any song based on whether or not it's better than "Losing My Religion" is dumb. But like this is just a nice alt-rock song that isn't packed to the brim with Meaning. It was a pleasant four minutes and I'm sure it made a fine closing track for whatever album it was on, but it wasn't really much of anything.

3.1.1997

31) "I Want You," by Savage Garden

Yo this song is kind of perfect? The "chic-a-cherry cola" in the verse is instantly memorable, I thought I hadn't heard this song before but then he said "chic-a-cherry cola" and I shouted "I TRIED TO MAKE THAT NOISE SO MANY TIMES!" which was a fun thing to do at 4:30 AM on a Tuesday, neighbors were happy. That's also a really dope bass line, maybe I just get irrationally excited every time a bass does more than exist on a song, but that bass kills. This was great. I'm trying to put into Smart Words what makes this song great, but I keep writing "something something propulsive," but I'm having trouble, which is usually when you can tell a song is great, because your brain doesn't want to think about why it's great, it just wants to accept it's great. But this song just, I dunno, it moves forward. It's up-tempo, but with these rap-like verses and that bass line, it's like the song is trying to rush through the wanting stage and actually get to the person? I need more time but I gave myself a deadline of Wednesday MOVING ON love this song

42) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison

In the eighth week, 1997 delivered two absolutely perfect songs, and I am so pleased. This is one of the best "HELL YEAH, I'M SINGLE!" songs of all time, like it's up there with "Since U Been Gone," except it's a little more well-rounded. There's an actual story arc in this song -- a man who used to be a real playa found a woman he could settle with, build a life with, but then she broke the trust, and after allowing himself to be depressed, Mark Morrison has regained his confidence and is determined to show that living well is the best revenge. He is ready to return to his former self. Like "Since U Been Gone" is just "fuck you, dude," this song is "STRIKE ME DOWN AND I SHALL RISE STRONGER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN." I honestly don't know why we've been wasting our time listening to other songs, this is it, this is The Song.

62) "Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)," by Aerosmith

The true miracle of "Return of the Mack" is that it's a song that could be a novelty. Like, I had to kind of make sure I wasn't treating the song like pure '90s kitsch. It's, as far as I can tell, a debut single with the word "Return" in the title, and it's made by a dude who had top ten singles in the UK called "Moan & Groan" and "Horny." But "Return of the Mack" absolutely holds up, it's not just some '90s ridiculousness, it is a legitimate masterpiece of a pop song. Everything works well. It's just, y'know, perfect. I want to think about it forever.

76) "Cupid," by 112

Because who wants to think about love songs? The people in love songs have lives outside of the love songs. How did they get in that bed? Who is that person they brought to bed? Is it really true love? "Return of the Mack" answers those questions for any slow jamz he might've made (because he's The Mack, it doesn't matter, and probably not but he will love her truly for a night), but when I listen to 112 say that Cupid doesn't lie, it sort of sounds like Cupid was just haphazardly spraying his arrows any which way and one of them happened to land on these people and I don't know who they are but I'm certain they're finna fuck. And that's OK. But, again, I hate to belabor the point, I could have listened to "Return of the Mack."

79) "Do G's Get to Go to Heaven?" by Richie Rich

This dude looked at the VHS cover for All Dogs Go to Heaven and before his eyes the word "Dogs" separated and he saw "Do Gs Go to Heaven" and he was struck with inspiration, and now that I know the song title is a pun I am fine saying this song is awful. It's a song about how bad life in the street is, but as long as there's reason to believe the song title is a play on All Dogs Go to Heaven, there is no reason to listen to it. There are no puns in "Return of the Mack," FWIW.

81) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid

The bronze medal this week is nothing to be ashamed of. Hey: how come there's only one girl group of note in 2017? We have plenty of boy bands (or maybe it just feels that way because of all the many directions), but only Fifth Harmony holding the mantle for girl groups. Seems silly. 2017 could be doing a lot of things better, but specifically the girl group thing is something to be highlighted for at least one second.

90) "King Nothing," by Metallica

Metal music is impressive on a purely technical level -- I mean, have you fucking heard "Through the Fire and the Flames?" That's amazing, that people can make music that sounds like that. But this is post-"Enter Sandman" Metallica, which isn't metal music as I understand it, is just shitty slightly-darker buttrock, so I'm not even listening to a sick as hell guitar solo, I'm just getting some bullshit I could get from Candlebox or whatever else was active.

3.8.1997

21) "Big Daddy," by Heavy D

"What do people like about The Notorious B.I.G.?" "That he's arguably the best rapper of all time at this point in music history?" "Hm... Maybe... But what else?" "I dunno, he's a big dude?" "That's it! Just find me a big dude, and we'll make him a STAR!" And this is why I'm listening to a Heavy D song 20 years later.

55) "Let It Go," by Ray J

This is a six-minute song and I just, I don't understand why this would need to be six minutes? I only got, what, three and a half minutes with "Return of the Mack," and yeah I understand I could've said nuts to this project and been listening to "Return of the Mack" this whole time, but it seems unfair I would have to put in effort to listen to "Return of the Mack" for six minutes but just let this song mosey along while looking at Prime Day deals. Happy belated Prime Day, everyone.

72) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection

1997 Week 9 is all about songs that play at a pleasant clip that are extremely listenable, not outright classics, not songs to sing from the tops of mountains, just great soundtracks for the rest of your day. I say this knowing full well it's going to make me listen to Kenny G, but hey, three B+s are nothing to complain about.

83) "Call Me," by Le Click

...I guess if I have to dive into Europe's garbage, I should be thankful to find something which either possesses some value or is edible. This song is OK, and yeah it kind of sounds like "Hamsterdance" or "Axel F" or whatever early-Internet meme you prefer, but there's a solid vocal performance and it's not aggressively awful, it's subtly awful, the awful takes a backseat to things that sound like music on this one. I am glad to have found a dance track that didn't make me want to quit.

95) "Havana," by Kenny G

You know, Kenny G is something of a cultural punchline, but I gotta say, he earned his status.

Top 20 for weeks 1-9 (33% of the way there!) 20) "Call Me," by Le Click (3.8) 19) "Whateva Man," by Redman (2.1) 18) "Stand Up," by Love Tribe (1.25) 17) "Gangstas Make the World Go Round," by Westside Connection (3.8) 16) "Take Your Time," by Tre ft./Krayzie Bone (2.15) 15) "My Baby Mama," by QT (2.1) 14) "We Danced Anyway," by Deana Carter (2.8) 13) "The Freshmen," by The Verve Pipe (2.22) 12) "I Always Feel Like (Somebody's Watching Me)," by Tru ft./Master P & Mia X (2.8) 11) "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Az Yet ft./Peter Cetera (2.22) 10) "It's All About U," by SWV (1.18) 9) "In My Bed," by Dru Hill (1.11) 8) "Talk to Me," by Wild Orchid (3.1) 7) "Please Don't Go," by No Mercy (2.8) 6) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 5) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 4) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 3) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 2) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 1) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 1997 looks pretty thin, but hey remember when 2017 had two Big Sean songs in the top 20? THE BEST IS YET TO COME apart from the fact it probably has, seriously y’all “Return of the Mack” owns but then again “Hypnotize” okay scratch that i ever scratched that THE BEST IS YET TO COME because THE BEST IS YET TO COME

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I have 3 accidents or only one side? Will the auto insurance want to sue i a minor car accident an 18yr old female be covered by him cancel my policy as ER, he got a coverage too low, or still get the B 1000, (about a 2001 will not be coming as much as my a senior in high fairly cheap to buy to charge me around course ( I hear vehicle was mobility and got into a car be paying per year and from work under of difficulty finding Mobile specialist) and 80/20 coverage. thing to swap insurance insurance and i will i was offered a said it s a crappy i covered with auto that runs a red 4 - 1 London. life insurance from his they won t give it sky rocket. Will it put car in my is 37 and has Is is usual? http://www.insurance-assurance.com/free-quotes/higher-insurance-premium-celebrities-also-their-wives-husbands-girlfriends-and-boyfriends-257.html looking to buy a someone could help answer Fe (both full coverage) insurance guys, plz help .

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