#lieutenant appo

[crashlanding-skywalker]

[The 212th and the 501st relaxing after a mission]

Rex, rubbing his temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

Fives: But Rex, we don't smoke.

Cody: Cut the crap, Fives. We're not idiots. We know that at least one in five people smoke.

Rex, pointing at Dogma: one *then at Trapper* two *then at Wooley* three *then at Longshot* four *then at Fives* five.

Cody: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers.

Trapper, puts a cigarrette in Cody's hand: here, sir

Cody: Thank you.

Fives:

Wooley:

Dogma:

Trapper:

Longshot:

Cody: Light?

(all of them simultaneously pulling out lighters)

——————

Crys: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?

Fives: Oh… We’d mildly trouble everyone.

Crys: Alright, so what would you do?

Fives: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.

Echo: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.

Fives: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.

Echo: I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together.

Echo & Fives: And then lastly, We’d snip a little hole in every tea bag.

Crys:

Echo & Fives:

Crys: Remind me to never allow you to have power.

——————

Kix: How does one turn their emotions off?

Longshot: Okay, so first go to settings.

Hawk: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.

Kix: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

——————

Echo: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Waxer: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Echo?

Echo: Probably “road work ahead”.

Switch, about to bang his head into a wall: I speak many languages...

Switch: this one is definitely not one of them.

——————

Gearshift: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Hawk: The cow???

Jesse: What?

Oddball: Hawk, W H Y?

——————

Appo: So, what's it like living with Gregor?

Trapper: He once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

——————

Hardcase: I made tea.

Longshot: I don't want tea.

Hardcase: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.

Longshot: Then why did you tell me?

Hardcase: It's a conversation starter.

Longshot: It's a horrible conversation starter.

Hardcase: Oh, is it?

Hardcase: We're conversing, checkmate.

——————

Echo: Rules were made to be broken.

Gearshift: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Striker: Uh, piñatas.

Trapper: Glow sticks.

Vaughn: Karate boards.

Wooley: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Waxer: Rules.

——————

Echo: What is your favourite mythical story?

Boil: The Story Of My Will To Live.

Echo: I don’t think I’ve heard of that one before.

——————

Axe: I'm not sure what you mean

Axe: I am socializing.

Gregor: Standing there ominously doesn't count as socializing

Axe:

Axe: Since when?

——————

Crys: I was arrested for being too cool.

Vaughn: And the charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

——————

Hil: I’m going to get so much done today.

Jester: I’ll hold you to that.

*8 hours later*

Jester: So how much did you get done?

Hil: One thing.

Jester: Well, that’s one more than usual.

——————

Switch: Who ate all my cookies?

Tup: Bounty hunters

Switch, confused: I didn’t see them

Tup: No one ever does :)

——————

Fives: The how the fuck’s and why are you so dumb's don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

——————

Tup: Why is it called "oven" when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food?

Crys: What???

——————

Boil: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Fives: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Boil: Oh, I'm sorry. should I ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Fives: That's somehow worse.

——————

Cody: When Fives & Echo were born, the gods said, "They're too good for this world."

Jesse: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

——————

Gearshift: You know, I used to play back in my gory days.

Appo: You mean glory days?

Gearshift: Ah, that too.

——————

Fives: I’m an idiot.

Boil:

Jesse:

Waxer:

Echo:

Trapper:

Fives:

Echo: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

——————

Kix, looking at both batallions: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

——————

Boomer: It’s funny how well you and Longshot get along. Didn’t he hate you at first?

Hardcase, nodding: Longshot hates everybody at first. It’s his way of reaching out to people.

——————

Waxer: Are you reading fan fiction?

Denal, reading an article about a extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.

Boil: Oh, is it on AO3?

Denal, ready to punch one of them: This is BBC.

——————

Oddball: Hey, thanks for checking in, I’m ✨still a piece of garbage✨

——————

Sterling: You could be nicer.

Spark: I am.

Sterling: You threatened Wooley with a cooking knife.

Spark: But I didn't actually stab him!

——————

Redeye, about Gus: Is he a freak (derogatory)?

Redeye: Or a freak (affectionate)?

Slick: Why not both?

Redeye: You’re so right, a freak (double-edged sword)!

——————

Hawk: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.

Barlex: What's wrong with you??

Hawk: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.

Wyler: No, he means other than that.

Hawk: Ohhhhhh.

Hawk: I haven't slept in 4 days.

——————

Jesse: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large ships.

——————

Fives: Why do humans have different blood groups?

Longshot: So mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors.

Dogma: Really guys? Now?

Dogma: I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!

——————

Fives: Can we go out to get icecream?

Cody: Did you ask Rex?

Echo: He said no.

Cody: Then why are you asking me?

Echo & Fives: He aint the boss of you.

Cody, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

[warsamongthestars]

Since we could always use more Clone stuffs, how bout I go through some clone names and we can all find (or have a nice review) of who got what name and what it means.

COMMANDER CODY The first named clone trooper, and the first unique clone onscreen as of Revenge of the Sith. So its only fitting we start with him. The name "Cody" originated as O'Cuidightheach, a gaelic name, and effectively, it means "Helpful" or "Helpful Person" Cody, out of universe, got his name based on old movies of Commando Cody--of which, Lucas was a fan of. In the extended Star Wars universe, Cody is a Republicized variant of the Mando'a word "Kote", which means Glory.

CAPTAIN REX Rex's name means "King" in latin. It can also refer to the Dinosaur, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. And it is also a common name for pet Dogs. Take that as you will.

LIEUTENANT JESSE Another shockingly ordinary name, and a Hebrew derived name. Coming from Ancient Greek of "Iessei", and then from Hebrew itself "Yishai". It means "Gift of God" or "God Exists" But more than likely, given that such historic-terminology does not exist in Star Wars. LT Jesse's name is more likely derived from the idiom "Give someone a Jesse"... Which means to give them a scolding or a beating.

KIX I've discussed Kix before, but I might as well do it again for posterity. Kix, is derived from Kex, the archaic english term for the plant "Hemlock". TBB fans, go wild.

HARDCASE You might assume this means that this someone who is hard-nosed and a hard nut to crack, but that isn't the case for our Hardcase. Hardcase is derived from New Zealand Slang, as An "amusing, funny, witty, or possibly strange person."

DENAL There is no specific case that I can make for Rex's early command squadmate, save that Denal is probably meant to be Denial.

BOIL While we can make jokes about the skin abrasion, it probably refers to his temper. A Boiling point, as it were.

WAXER It could be referring to someone who waxes... But, it could also refer to the term "Waxing", as it the growth of something. Given his "Glass half full" personality, perhaps its "Glass half waxing".

COMMANDER BLY The Commander of Aayla Secura's legion, and whom fired upon her during Revenge of the Sith. The term bly, a dialetcic english term, means "Likeness" or "resemblance". Means Bly literally got his name for resembling another person (Wow, no Shit). Whoever named him, basically called him the clone variant of Manny, beacuse He Man.

COMMANDER GREE Introduced in Revenge fo the Sith, as being decapitated by Yoda. While in the extended universe, he's named after animals... The term "Gree", English Obsolete, refers to either "One of a flight of steps" or "one of a stage of ranks". Dude literally got the name "Rank".

COMMANDER BACARA Introduced in Revenge of the Sith, for firing upon Kit-Mun-Di. Bacara is Romanian for Baccara, which in turn refers to Baccarat, a card game. Absolutely nobody knows where the word came from originally.

COMMANDER PONDS Retroactively intorduced in Attack of the Clones, as the Clone Commander who greets General Windu. It... It just means Pond, but pural. It probably refers to the fact that Kamino is an Ocean, and the earth's oceans are sometimes refered to as ponds in slang.

COMMANDER NEYO Revenge of the Sith. It probably is meant to mean "Neo", which means New or Young, in Ancient Greek.

COMMANDER APPO Revenge of the Sith; Marched on the Temple. Does not, in fact, outrank Rex despite himself. Appo is an obsolete english Prepostion, referring to an object as "Before", "After", "Behind" or "nearby". It derives from Latin, "Apud", which means "in the presence of" or "among" (AMOGUS?)

COMMANDER THORN Named after Thor, from Marvel. There's even an old english letter called Thorn.

COMMANDO GREGOR The name Gregor, means "Watchful" or "alert". Which, given his character, is quite ironic.

CAPTAIN HOWZER I am unable to find that name specifically, but I theorize its based off of "Howitzer", which is a firearm cannon There is a lot more clones, and I can't make a post of every one of them. But lemme know if you want me to find anyone else.

[mandalorianbrainweasel]

if i may ask for another clone to be subjected to Spar…

Dogma?

Dogma stands at attention with the rest of his squad at Commander Appo’s orders, just waiting. Over a private comm between the four of them, Tup’s started complaining.

Dogma kind of gets it, they’ve been standing at attention for a while, here in their ventaor’s hangar. Still—the commander doesn’t do these things without reason, and he’s here standing at attention just like the rest of them. 

The calm is abruptly broken by the arrival of a civilian ship. 

“Sir,” Dogma interjects—what are civilians doing here? Zeffo has a strict schedule of outside supplies and those traders never stop by here first.

“Stand down, Private,” Commander Appo interrupts him. “We’re expecting them.”

After a few minutes, the civilian ship’s ramp descends and an armoured Mandalorian comes out, jogging lightly. 

“Commander!” the Mandalorian says with a lyrical voice, quickly reaching them and extending an arm. The commander does the same and is unsurprised by the odd way the Mandalorian shakes his hand, clasping his wrist firmly. “It’s good to finally meet the man Alpha-38 has been waxing poetic about.”

Commander Appo ducks his head. “Treay isn’t the kind of person to, uh, wax poetic.”

“Not to you, maybe.” The Mandalorian turns to the squad. “So—who are you sending with us this time?” They don’t sound particularly happy about…whatever is going on. 

And more than that: this time?

“General Fett and Captain Maze gave those orders and they haven’t rescinded them.” The commander turns to the squad. “This is one of my battalion’s newest squads. You know Maze’s standards; I never expect to get new squads. Fresh lieutenant Trudie, then Privates Pyth, Tup, and Dogma.”

The Mandalorian hums. “Well. Hopefully it’ll go better than the last squad.”

What last squad?

Tup, as usual, ends up voicing the questions Dogma keeps to himself. “What last squad? Uh, sir. Sirs?”

The Mandalorian snickers. “Yeah, Appo, what last squad?”

The commander looks away from all of them. “It’s not my fault I couldn’t keep a hold of them. The moment you left, Captain Maze was comming to ask to reassign them! There was chatter about making them commanders! They were shinies, Fett!”

The Mandalorian outright cackles at that. “The former lieutenant is doing quite well as Ponds’s aide and everyone else have great positions as captains. That wasn’t just me, either, you had them for a while before you pawned them off on me!”

“The issue is that Captain Maze didn’t tell me who you were, really, before you got here,” the commander shoots back.

Dogma raises his hand tentatively. “Uh, sirs. Who are you exactly? How do we address you?”

The Mandalorian cocks their head; it’s weird to see a bucket move like one of theirs when it looks so different. “You can call me Spar.”

“Ah,” Commander Appo says, and he makes a coughing noise and goes back into parade rest. “This is Akaanik’sha Fett, High General Fett’s younger brother. He helped train some of the Alpha clones and commanders. He’s apparently a natural teacher for command. Alpha-38 claims that all of the command training modules were based off of how High General Fett taught him growing up. You’ll be accompanying his party on their business to Zeffo.”

That’s incredible! That means he helped make and teach all of the rules and regulations the command officers go by! “Just calling you, uh, Spar doesn’t seem respectful enough, sir.”

In answer to that, General Fett’s brother puts his fists on his hips, above his oddly heavy looking kama, and leans back, tilting his helmet visor towards the commander. 

“That one is Dogma,” the commander says helpfully.

General Fett’s brother nods and does some movement with one hand, bringing it up with his thumb and forefinger out and pulling them down in front of his visor, bringing the pads of the fingers together as he does. “You can call me Commander Fett, then, if you insist,” he finally says. “I am an al’verde to most Mandalorians. And you will call my friends Master—we’ll be going to Zeffo with two Jedi, Master Eno Cordova, a human man, and Master Luminara Unduli, a Mirialan woman. You can either call them Master and their surname or Master and their given name.”

All four of them nod, and Dogma can feel his excitement growing. It’s one thing to accompany someone like Commander Fett, who has played such a big role in the development of the clone officers’ system, but that they’re also accompanying Jedi? The people they were always told they’d be working under, before the last year or so before the war when everything changed?

He can’t help but be even more excited.

Then, surprisingly, Commander Fett takes his helmet off.

He looks a lot like a clone, but Dogma thinks the shape of his face and his eyes are both a little different. There are a lot of other differences, too—Dogma doesn’t think any of them, even the clone commanders, would get away with the gold jewellery on the bridge of his nose between his eyes and on either side of his mouth, though they might get away with the lines of gold that go from the corners of his eyes down to the jewellery by his mouth, and especially not the ring on his nose and even Tup has to keep his hair pulled tight back to avoid getting in trouble for keeping it so long. Commander Fett’s hair is a bit of a wild mess.

Tup is going to be ridiculous about his hair after this. 

Commander Fett smiles brightly at them. “It will be good to work with you.”

Dogma feels a little like aiwhas are flying around in his stomach. “And you, Commander.”

(I’m accepting clones to subject to Spar for a while.)

[renton6echo]

New chapter is here! It's a short one, but I really enjoyed writing it. Enjoy!

Chapter summary:

“And what are you doing here exactly, lieutenant?” Rex inquires pointedly. “If I recall correctly, you are due to relieve Appo at 1800 hours.” 

Jesse’s Republic tattoo does this thing where it scrunches up in a very particular way when he’s nervous or unsure of himself. There is an unspoken rule among Echo and the clones from Torrent that play Sabacc together to never let on about Jesse’s tell. It’s much too profitable.

[mwolf0epsilon]

You have all chosen wisely :)

@lost-on-kamino and @gaeasun I'm borrowing Pitch and Twitch for this. They deserve to hunt the others for sport too!

---

From the moment the medbay doors opened up and remained so, the 501st knew that the hunt had begun. Inoculation day was upon them all, and the medics had been craving it for months now. And one simply did not deny the medics their prized game of cat and mouse. Not when it was the one time where they got to be their own brand of 501st Menace™.

All of the vode and natborn officers had prepared for it. Been counting the days and kept an eye on the supplies. Made plans and set up groups exclusively for the purpose of outwitting the medics for as long as possible.

But there was only so long any of them could go before first blood was inevitably drawn...

5 minutes into the game and the two first "casualties" were "felled".

Hawk and Appo thought they had their hiding places figured out. A pilot and a commander should, in theory, have a sizeable advantage in comparison to everyone else, due to the unrestricted access they had to starships and exclusive areas.

Places that very few troopers seldom saw outside of either battle or extraordinary circumstances. They were both very quickly reminded that medics could go to such places with little to no fuss.

Coric had emerged from the shadows and cornered Appo in the officer's lounge where he'd retreated to. Pitch had been observing Hawk for long enough that he knew which ship he'd picked out.

Next to fall were Nax and Attie who, despite being veteran players in this particular game, were unfortunately slowed by old wounds gained in some of the most arduous battles the 501st had ever endured.

Nax, bless his soul, had insisted Attie leave him behind. His limp making him the least likely to evade the hunt for long. But the latter had adamantly refused to leave his best friend face the horrors on his own, instead opting to fall by his side as any good brother would. No man left behind.

Both were tracked down by Kix, who'd simply strolled behind them at a leisurely pace. Savoring their dramatic antics as he drew closer and closer to his prey.

Clever and fiendish, Denal had assumed cheating would be the way to gain victory over his peers. Trapping the hallways with tripwires and plastic wrap and other assorted methods of tripping and fumbling and stumbling. Methods that would not fool a medic, but that would leave behind plenty of skittish but unwary troopers and officers to keep the "hunters" occupied.

In the end he'd been so preoccupied about throwing his fellows to the Loth-wolves, that he had never seen Beau bounding towards him to take him down. The barghest's heavy body keeping him effectively pinned as she awaited her master to come claim the prize.

Sponge had looked quite triumphant as they approached with the hypo in hand. They loved besting a cheater. Especially one who'd been so shameless about it.

Hardcase found much of a similar end, sans pet barghest. His plans had certainly been less traitorous towards his fellow troopers, but absurd enough to leave quite the mess behind to confuse his pursuers. And, wherever he could, he'd extend a helping hand to whomever had needed it.

It had been a tragic irony that his kindness had lead him into a bit of a trap. But if one were to ask him about it, he'd claim no regrets.

Buying Vaughn some more time so the kid could escape was more than worth getting tackled to the ground and wrestled into submission by Kix, until the jab could be properly administrated by Coric. For Hardcase the chase had always been in good fun, and he loved seeing his usually serious batcher so wild and free in the role of a hunter.

The Domino Twins ended up accidentally helping the medics track not only them but Jesse as well. While their ARC training and gear had been an obvious advantage, their loud bickering had been more than a dead giveaway to their positions.

It was a shame really. The lieutenant had picked a perfectly good spot that might have even fooled Kix. But from the moment he saw Echo and Fives on the other end of the vent, arguing with each other over where they should go next, he knew he was more than doomed.

No sooner had he thought those thoughts did a hand grasp onto his ankle, and pull him back out of the ventilation system. The screaming had driven the Dominos to fall into the other medics's eager hands. Their own screams sending chills through those unfortunate enough to hear their demise.

Tup had nearly gotten away with using his charms to postpone his jab. Baby brother privileges often worked in his favour, and one couldn't deny he had some of the biggest, saddest and wettest looking tooka eyes a trooper could ever give anyone.

Of course when you are someone else's older brother, sad tooka eyes don't amount to much...

Twitch had caught on to Tup's antics and managed to turn his best weapon against him. Using his very own sad and pleading gaze to guilt the other into getting vaccinated without a fight.

In all honesty, Tup really hadn't wanted to disappoint his littlest kih'vod, and besides this was his very first time participating in the hunt. The kid had deserved at least a few easy points as a warmup.

Next on the losing end was not a trooper but the general himself. For all that they called him the 'Hero With No Fear', Anakin Skywalker was nothing if not reduced to a braying jerba at the mere sight of a needle. Kicked like one too if he was cornered.

This time around he'd gotten smarter. Hidden up high and used to Force to stay at least two steps ahead of the medics. Gotten mighty cocky about it too. That cockiness ended with him forgetting the many training sessions he'd subjected his padawan to.

11 stun blasts and a tranquilizing dart later, the Jedi Knight was laying on the ground ass up and drooling. Sponge beat everyone else to the jab, mostly because Skywalker had a TON of vaccines he needed to get through and Sponge had called dibs on making sure the pain in the shebs wouldn't be able to sit for a while.

The gleeful shine in their eyes had been a little concerning but not their biggest concern. They still had plenty of troopers and a padawan commander to vaccinate after all...

Dogma had not been fleeing like everyone else. In fact, he'd spent the majority of the hunt following the medics around, a look of annoyance on his face as he requested time and time again to get his jab so that he could carry on with his other daily tasks.

They'd kept postponing it because they knew Dogma would not give them trouble. He'd won by default on so many of these games merely by fact he'd usually be waiting in the medbay itself while catching up on some reading. That day he hadn't had any new reading material however, and simply wanted to get through his schedule in peace.

He got his jab from Sponge, having opted to wait with them while they worked on updating Skywalker's vaccination bulletin. Vaccine administered, the sergeant thanked the medic and went on his merry way. Making a note to give the lollypop he'd received for good behavior to Twitch, since he himself wasn't overly fond of sweets.

On most games Rex was usually the very first one to fall. It was a tactical play of the highest degree, as it decreased morale for everyone else attempting to dodge the medics. On this particular "match" that had not been the case.

Running purely on fumes, caf, energy drinks and stims, the captain had been the most slippery he'd ever been. He'd been easily evading capture by Coric, Pitch and Kix via usage of parkour and the environment itself, ignored Twitch's sweet little pleas for him to give himself in, and shown athleticism that should not be possible in his state of sleep deprivation.

Rex had only fallen due to stumbling across Sponge and Skywalker. He'd frozen, staring at the general in his less than dignified position, and began cackling so loudly he'd made all of the medics stop and watch him with varying degrees of confusion and concern. And then he'd simply succumbed to his exhaustion and passed out mid laughing fit. A smile on his face.

Twitch had very carefully given him his jab before allowing Pitch and Coric to scoop up the sleeping captain to take him to the barracks.

The last to be caught and jabbed had been their commander and honorary vod'ika. Ahsoka Tano was no wallflower. She had earned her akul teeth when she'd come of age and was a huntress by birthright and ingrained genetics. The young togruta had spent the entire game hiding, stalking and making use of her natural hunting prowess to keep the medics in her sights and herself out of theirs.

Her experiences being hunted for sport by some of the most brutal trandoshan hunters she'd ever had the displeasure of meeting, had also come in handy. Some things that had been learned then being applicable in this scenario. But while clones did not have an enhanced sense of smell, Beau certainly did. Ahsoka gave herself up quietly. Won over by three pairs of red eyes staring up at her with animal innocence that she simply couldn't say no to.

Kix gave her a smile, shook her hand, and then gave her the jab. Like Dogma, she'd ended up getting a lollypop for coming in quietly. Meiloorun flavoured treat more than deserved. She gave it to Beau, who was all too happy to lick at the sugary swirl while getting her mane patted and scratched in all the spots the barghest most loved. Ahsoka's ultimate prize, aside from reputation, was always the good company of her clone siblings and their animal companions.

[fanfictasia]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & Anakin Skywalker (minor), CT-6116 | Kix & Ahsoka Tano Characters: Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker, CT-7567 | Rex, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives, CC-1119 | Appo (briefly), CT-5385 | Tup (minor), Hardcase (Star Wars), Hardcase (Star Wars) (minor), CT-5597 | Jesse (minor), Obi-Wan Kenobi (minor) Additional Tags: Episode: s03e21 Padawan Lost, Canon Compliant, Trauma, aftermath of kidnapping, Padawan Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano Friendship, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano Are Siblings, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano Friendship, 501st Legion Shenanigans (Star Wars), Protective CT-7567 | Rex, Platonic Relationships, Nightmares, Protective CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives, Whump, Friendship, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Summary:

Ahsoka's kidnapping by the Trandoshans was hard on everyone. It left scars on them all, her most of all. Anakin lost her, but Rex did too. So did the 501st. She was their commander, their Jedi, their... sister. And now, she's finally back home. Or, aftermath of the Padawan Lost arc.

Read on:

https://www.wattpad.com/1245608021-star-wars-one-shots-a-padawan-found

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14107141/1/A-Padawan-Found

[arctic-the-archaic]

Charge of the 501st Legion

I must specify, ninety percent of this dialogue is either from the movie Gettysburg or modified to fit the context of Star Wars. Thank you.

“Cap, ninety percent of us are wounded or dead. We’re spread too thin.”

Captain Rex of the 501st Legion nodded, turning to his left and walking up the ridgeline that Torrent Company had been assigned to hold. “How’re we for ammunition?” He tilted his head at Lieutenant Appo, his second.

“Almost gone.”

“Sir, we’re running out. Some of the lads got nothin’ at all.” Sergeant Coric added.

“A couple of the boys down on the left had to pick up Seppie blasters to shoot.” ARC Corporal Echo quickly noted as he joined the small collection of officers.

“We’ve got to pull out.” Another random Lieutenant added.

Rex looked out over the countless numbers of dead clones and destroyed droids. “No, we can’t do that.”

“We can’t hold them again, Sir. You know that.” Coric spoke respectfully, the medical cross on his left shoulder-guard partially gone from a stray blaster bolt.

“Well if we don’t they go on by and over the hill and the whole flank caves in.” Rex replied, gesturing behind them, where the rest of the Clone Army present planetside was deployed.

“Here they come.” Fives said grimly, gesturing down the hill towards the sound of marching droids.

“Well, we can’t run away.” Rex began, tightening his gauntlets. “And if we stay here, we can’t shoot. So let’s ready blades and fix bayonets.”

A few of the younger officers looked at the blonde Captain like he was insane.

“We’ll have the advantage of moving down the hill. The clankers won’t expect it. They think this is the attack that will break us. So fix bayonets, ready blades. Coric, wait, Coric, you take the left wing,” Rex gestured towards the left side of their line. “I’ll take the right. I want a right wheel forward of the whole company.” The Captain spoke fast, no hesitation in his words.

“What- you mean charge?” Fives asked. He didn’t sound scared. Just surprised.

Rex nodded. “Yes. But here’s what we do, we’re going to charge swinging down the hill.” Rex began gesturing again. “Just like we pulled back this left side of the company, now we’re going to swing it down. We swing like one of old doors before blast doors. We sweep the Seppies down the hill as they come up. Understand?”

A few nodded.

“Everybody understand?” He asked again, making eye contact with each officer even through their visors.

“Yes sir!” The collection of officers replied as one.

“Ok, Coric, you take the left wing. And when I give the command, I want the whole company to go forward swinging down to the right.”

“Aye, Sir.” The Sergeant nodded.

“Move.”

And with that the officers moved off to their separate positions, and Rex upped his external mic volume in his helmet so everyone would hear his next order. “BLADES!” He roared, the mic so loud it turned robotic.

All up and down the line, men pulled vibro-blades from their packs, or belts. Some attached bayonets to their rifles. Others picked up fallen vibro-swords from fallen Commando droids.

Down the line he saw Coric gathering some of the men together. “They’re still comin’! Come on boys! Quickly boys, quickly, move!” The Medic-Sergeant barked. “Move boys! Let’s go!”

He drew a sword he’d taken from a fallen droid. “Ready blades!” The Medic barked again.

“Left wing, right wheel!” Rex ordered.

Coric span his sword in the air. “Right wheel!”

“Charge.”

Coric’s men surged forward at the order, the Sergeant right alongside them. “Charge!”

Rex watched as the platoon surged down the hill, and when the time came, Rex raised his own blade. “Charge!”

Rex’s section surged forward too. The noise was immense. Thousands upon thousands of men just roaring as one. The mass of armored humanity flowing like water down the hill towards the Separatist blaster fire.

“For the Republic!” Someone shouted.

Clones collided with droids in a mess of fighting so close it was hard to tell what was what.

Rex saw Dogma tackle a Commando droid as it charged Tup.

He saw Kix and Coric double team a pair of B2s that we’re spraying into the crowd.

He saw Echo and Fives back to back, fending off more droids than he cared to count.

From further down the line. He heard another voice. One he wasn’t expecting but recognized. “Charge!”

Followed by a sound he welcomed more than anything.

A lightsaber.

—————————

And that’s it!

And to my friends who I think will like this: @bomboclaaty @padme--amygdala @423rd-solar-legion @darksabered @raf-loves-everything @soclonely .... uh I think that’s everyone who might like this.

Wait no! I can’t for the life of me seem to type in Truth’s url, so could someone point this out as well? I figured cause it has Dogma.

[vanisketches]

May the 4th be with you!

Time to celebrate this day with my favorite legion <3

Inspiration

Reblogs > Likes

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[mamuzzy]

Now you mention it, caste-system is actually a pretty good term for it. I've just wrote an entire essay about the differences between Commandos and CT-s yesterday based on the first chapter of Hard-Contact.

But just see the ARC troopers for instance! In Legends (not just RepComm), ARC troopers are an entirely different breed of clones with different purpose, but when CC showed skills, they could train under an Alpha.

While in TCW, they completely abolished this lore (alphas entirely), and canon now follows the narrative that everyone can be an ARC trooper (or Clone Commander) if they tried hard enough, or they earned it with exceptional skills. ARC trooper is basicly a promotion in TCW.

Same with CC-s, basicly they are CT-s with a promotion which explains Lieutenant Thire and Sergeant Appo being commanders later.

so I’m finally reading the Republic Commando books (at least I’m 2% in), and I keep on wondering if really the official narrative for the clones is based a lot on castes.

I would say castes (the word is very loaded though so I am happy to be corrected) rather than classes because for example, at birth you have fandom favorite Commanders, then you have Alphas, Nulls, etc. and, again, they’ve been determined since birth. ARC seems a training based venue (upwards social mobility?) but I wonder if the first generation was also assigned ARC at birth. (!!!) they interact conscious of each other’s role, and especially of how their PurposeTM shapes which place they fit in the GAR (their world)(their whole damned world)(the clones really are child soldiers raised in a military cult like we know but also ????)

anyways, in canon post o66 given that they’re not really out in numbers I don’t know if gets explored, but I’m so curious whether anyone actually did so in various fandom works, especially those no-o66 or fix its where clones build their own society (or which kind of society would they build???) im pretty sure fans out there must have grappled with this possibility, if nothing else because casteism (vs classism) is a social dynamic that still exists I various part of the world, so someone must have had thoughts about it?

anyway if you have recs for fandom works (fics or meta or anything) that interrogate this scenario I’d be grateful!!

[canichangemyblogname]

any headcanons as to why you think rex was never promoted to commander?

We only see him promoted to Commander at the end of the war and while I have some thoughts on that, I ultimately have no idea why.

For Background:

The clone officer ranking system seems to work something like this:

Marshal Commander or General—leads a corps of 16 regiments

Commander—leads a regiment of 16 companies

Captain—leads a company of 4 platoons

Lieutenant—leads a platoon of 4 squads

Sergeant—leads a squad of 8+ troopers

The 501st was originally a battalion and, canonically, made up of more than one company.

A regiment was composed of 4 battalions

A battalions was made up of 4 companies

The 501st would be reorganized from the 501st Clone Battalion into the 501st Legion. I am assuming that a Legion is larger than a battalion given there was more than one battalion within the 501st. I do not know how large a Legion is in relation to a Regiment.

When Rex served as Captain, the 501st--canonically--had at least two battalions within it and at least 3 brigades. I am unaware of how large a brigade is, but it seems that a brigade contains more than one battalion. I am unaware of exactly how many battalions comprised the 501st, but it had to be more than 2 if there are 3 brigades with at least one battalion each.

This means:

Rex seemed to have way more responsibilities than the average Captain, serving as Anakin Skywalker's first in Command. He would have overseen at least 3 brigades, 3 battalions, 12 companies, 48 platoons, and 192 squads. That is at least 1,536 men (there were probably more).

Maybe the difference was that the 501st was a specific elite group of troopers. So, it might be that they're specialized and aren't an entire regiment, so he didn't technically oversee a regiment. Unfortunately, the break down of the GAR is not as straightforward as our own militaries in real life.

Or... maybe the GAR's organization needs to work in conjunction with the Jedi's system of masters and apprentices. So, Ahsoka was maybe technically the Commander of the 501st. She was a Jedi Commander, but still the Commander. That might be why he was Anakin's first in command but not technically a Commander despite having Commander-sized responsibilities. However, we see that Caleb is referred to as a Commander and he serves alongside Commander Grey. So, it really seems inconsistent.

I honestly have no idea. Maybe the writers were afraid of retconning Commander Appo's existence (although, he was promoted at the same time as Rex)? Maybe they just didn't keep the lore consistent? Maybe they got attached to the title "Captain" for Rex? Maybe they didn't' want to technically change the name of a reoccurring character because maybe it'd cause confusion for kids? Or maybe they had the intention to make the Jedi Commander-Clone Captain dynamic more common, but then didn't follow through? I don't know.

Whatever the reason, he should have been promoted earlier (not like they were being paid for a promotion to result in anything besides more responsibilities).

[panther-os]

Oh, right, I promised an infodump on my headcanons for GAR ranks and unit structure. Aight, buckle up boys, I have Opinions and that's about to be everybody's problem.

Please keep in mind, this is my headcanon. It's for fun, not for accuracy, and if you don't like it, you can just keep scrolling.

First off, notation. I have a two or three letter abbreviation for each rank, followed by an alphanumeric clarification for cases of overlap. So like the lowest rank a CC can have is a Captain and the highest rank a CT can have is a Captain. Gregor, a CC Captain, is Cpt CC(1)-5576-39, while Rex, a CT Captain, is Cpt CT(5)-7567. Gregor outranks Rex by virtue of being a CC, but it's the kind of enlisted/officer dynamic where a good Lt (O1-2) should always listen to and seriously consider the advice of an Ssg (E-7) because the Ssg is more experienced.

There are 15 levels in the GAR chain of command, consisting of 26 ranks. In the list below, Level 1 is the highest rank and Level 15 is the lowest.

Level 1: Commander-in-Chief 1. Cic(S5), the Chancellor

Level 2: Vice Commander-in-Chief 2. Vcc(S4), the Vice Chancellor 3. Vcc(S3), members of the Security Council

Level 3: High Generals 4. HGn(J3), lifetime Jedi High Council members 5. HGn(J2), all other Jedi High Council members

Level 4: Generals 6. Gen(J1), Jedi Knights and Masters not on the High Council

Level 5: Senators 7. Sen(S2), Senators allied with Sidious and in on the plan, also Separatist-alligned Senators like the Banking Clan and etc 8. Sen(S1), Senators not allied with Sidious, such as the Delegation of 2000 or the League of Neutral Systems

Level 6: Representatives 9. Rep(S0), all Senate Representatives

Level 7: Padawan Commanders 10. PCr(J0), Padawan Learners assigned to Generals and High Generals

Level 8: Marshal Commanders 11. MCr(CC3), Clone Commanders leading armies, corps, and battalions

Level 9: Commanders 12. Cdr(CC2), Clone Commanders leading legions and divisions 13. Cdr(ARC4), ARC Commanders leading commando divisions

Level 10: Captains 14. Cpt(CT5), Clone Troopers leading guards and forces (units smaller than a division but larger than a regiment) 15. Cpt(CC1), Clone Commanders leading guards, forces, and legions 16. Cpt(ARC3), ARC Captains leading commando regiments

Level 11: Lieutenants 17. Lt(CT4), Clone Troopers leading regiments 18. Lt(CC0), Clone Commanders leading regiments, guards, and forces 19. Lt(ARC2), ARC Lieutenants leading commando companies and platoons

Level 12: Staff Sergeant 20. Lt(CT3), Clone Troopers leading companies

Level 13: Sergeant 21. Sgt(CT2), Clone Troopers leading platoons 22. Sgt(ARC1), ARC Sergeants leading commando squads

Level 14: Corporal 23. Cpl(CT1), Clone Troopers leading squads 24. Cpl(ARC0), ARC Corporals who are the senior trooper in a pair

Level 15: Private 25. Pvt(CT0), Clone Troopers 26. Pvt(ARC00), ARC Troopers

The unofficial position is Oversight Officer. There's two types of Oversight - the first is a clone of a higher rank leading a smaller unit, usually demanded by natural-born high command, such as Marshal Commander Fox, Commander Stone, and Commander Thorn leading the Coruscant Guard. Lieutenant Thire (before his promotion) would've been the one actually supposed to be leading, but because Coruscant and because Palpatine, he got three Oversight Officers who are there to make sure he doesn't fuck up.

The second type of Oversight is like Appo and Rex' situation, usually arranged by the clones themselves, where Rex is a lower rank but has far better skill, aptitude, and straight up will to live when it comes to running a Legion, so Appo is in command on paperwork but Rex is actually in charge. In this scenario, Appo is Rex' Oversight Officer.

CT and CC units are divided into 11 types, from squad to Grand Army. ARC and RC units are different, but I haven't had the time to really sit down and work them all out.

Squads (like Domino Squad) are led by a Corporal and consist of 5 troopers.

Platoons are led by a Sergeant and consist of 4 squads. Or: 20 troopers.

Companies (like Torrent Company) are led by a Staff Sergeant and consist of 4 platoons. Or: 16 squads, or 80 troopers.

Regiments are led by a Lieutenant and consist of 5 companies. Or: 20 platoons, 80 squads, or 400 troopers.

Guards/Forces are led by a Captain or Lieutenant and consist of 3 regiments. Or: 15 companies, 60 platoons, 240 squads, or 1200 troopers.

Divisions (like the 332nd) are led by a Commander and consist of 3 guards or forces. Or: 9 regiments, 45 companies, 180 platoons, 720 squads, or 3600 troopers.

Battalions (like the 212th) are led by a Marshal Commander and consist of 5 divisions. Or: 15 guards/forces, 45 regiments, 225 companies, 900 platoons, 3600 squads, or 18k troopers.

Legions (like the 501st) are led jointly by a General and Commander and consist of 3 battalions. Or: 15 divisions, 135 regiments, 675 companies, 2700 platoons, 10.8k squads, or 54k troopers.

Corps (like the 327th) are led jointly by a General or High General and a Commander or Marshal Commander and consist of 3 legions. Or: 9 battalions, 45 divisions, 405 regiments, 2025 companies, 8100 platoons, 32.4k squads, or 162k troopers.

Armies (like the 3rd Systems) are led jointly by a High General and Marshal Commander and consist of 5 corps. Or: 15 legions, 45 battalions, 225 divisions, 2025 regiments, 10,125 companies, 40.5k platoons, 162k squads, or 810k troopers.

The Grand Army of the Republic is led by the Commander-in-Chief and consists of 4 armies plus 2 guards/forces. I could write everything out like I did for the other units, but I don't want to. In total, this comes to 3.242mil troopers.

And that is my headcanons and worldbuilding for my fics when it comes to GAR ranks and unit structures. As always, people are welcome to use with credit.

[americankimchi]

Okay this is based on nothing except that I spent like four solid months obsessed with Star Wars not long ago and rewatched the entire Clone Wars like seven times BUT. I think that the way the Jedi arranged things doesn’t correspond much to real life military and that commander might be a honorific position? When it says that Rex holds more authority because he commands the entire 501st, that implies that actual command is more important than titles, which could mean that authority is determined by how many people you’re in charge of?? If you’re captain of the whole 501st you have more authority than some random commander?? i can’t even imagine trying to make this make sense. You’re braver than anyone I know.

omg you rewatched it seven times i didn't even finish it once LMAOO;;;

and yeah..... i wouldn't be having this problem if they organized it the way real world militaries did because then i'd have very clear lines to work with but ALAS......

ALSO... IN WAR TIME CLEAR CHAINS OF COMMAND ARE CRUCIAL FOR MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY IN THE FIELD. the reason ranks exist is so that, let's say, a sergeant dies they know immediately who is next in line to take up the mantle of leadership (a corporal). not having that efficiency leaves the whole army vulnerable to infighting, confusion, lack of cohesion, and risks a complete dissolution of the unit during a battle due to a lack of clear direction

calling rex a 'captain' but having him functionally work as a senior commander is just. a HOT mess. i mean yeah having him be the leader everyone knows is the leader is alright but like. the paperwork. if he dies who is next in line. appo?? appo was only promoted after umbara, and rex was clearly the leader of the 501st before, during, and after that engagement

so who would've taken up rex's position if he died prior to appo's promotion??? there are no commanders in the 501st that im aware of aside from appo who was, once again, a SERGEANT DURING UMBARA. (HE SKIPPED LIEUTENANT ENTIRELY BY THE WAY.)

WHO WAS NEXT IN LINE FOR THE 501ST AFTER REX.......... WHO!!!!!!!!!!

[starboundanon]

For the writing prompt - 19, clones(preferably the 501st legion)/luke?

TW: Dead Dove; Do Not Eat.

“Commander.”

Rex casts a curious glance down the hall, the door to his quarters sliding shut behind him. Not even two steps outside his room, and already, someone is vying for his attention. At least this time it’s only Jesse. “Lieutenant,” he says, nodding.

Jesse returns the gesture. “What’s this I hear about the Supreme Commander sending a prisoner our way for a B2?”

“Some high-ranking Rebel, apparently. Lord Vader wants to see if we can loosen his tongue — or teach him some manners.”

His lieutenant chuckles as they march in unison down the corridor, the sound modulated through his helmet and familiarly dark. Rex isn’t surprised, it’s been a long time — over a decade, in fact — since the 501st Legion has received an assignment quite like this. A bend-and-break, affectionately referred to as a B2 around the barracks. It’s more than a little below their station, but Lord Vader had personally requested it.

And if Rex were being honest, it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for the vod to blow off some steam.

Judging by the sound that greets them when the turbolift opens onto the barracks, it’s already working wonders. The closer they get to lounge 41-D, the louder the jeering, joyous laughter becomes. It’s odd for a B2 to be so public; normally, they’d be held in a captain or commander’s private quarters, with the necessary soldiers filtering in and out.

That’s not the case this time. Distantly, Rex makes a mental note to ask the Supreme Commander what the boy did to earn this degree of public humiliation. Lounge 41-D is the largest and most heavily-trafficked common area onboard the Executor. Soldiers and personnel from every rank and faction tend to flock to it — an average of about 20,000 people passing through it every single day.

Rex wouldn’t be surprised if nearly half of those people have shown up now, for this display. A wide portion of the seating area has been pushed to the side, a tall, narrow stage erected where the theater seating used to be. On the stage, Hawk and Fox stand beneath the proverbial spotlight, their body language more than a little animated as they perform for the crowd.

“Wow,” Jesse says, breathless through the vocoder. “Lucky sods. Look at him.”

Look at him, indeed, Rex thinks, stricken. Between the two vod, the nameless Rebel fights and struggles admirably in his bindings. He won’t be getting out of those anytime soon: a beskar alloy, Force-suppressing, just to be safe. Medieval stocks painted Stormtrooper white. Men five times this Rebel’s diminutive size wouldn’t be able to break out of that contraption.

The crowd all-but cheers when Fox grips the underside of one of the Rebel’s thighs and lifts his leg, providing an opening to thrust in deeper. The boy wails at the intrusion, but the sound is muffled by Hawk, who continues to slowly grind his cock into the very back of the boy’s throat, rocking his hips from side to side to stretch his mouth and throat out obscenely.

Sunlight-gold hair and bronze sun-kissed skin radiate beneath the harsh lounge room lighting. Fox finishes first, pulling out to spill over the boy’s bruised and welted ass. His mess joins what must be at least a dozen others, if not twice that much. Every inch of their pretty new assignment will likely be covered before the night is through.

Fox has hardly spent his last drop before Appo is elbowing him out of the way to take his place. A free-for-all, then, and not an order of descending rank. Curious. The men must have been more eager to bend and break this particular prisoner than he thought.

“What do you think, sir?” Jesse asks, already holstering his blaster in preparation to join the fray. “Think we’ll break him?”

“Yes, lieutenant” he says, watching as Hawk chokes the boy on his cock, and the young, unfortunate Rebel promptly splatters their makeshift breeding bench with his own come. “I have no doubt we will.”

[mandalorianbrainweasel]

Log Report: Incident BJC-BJS-02-12-145

company duty officer: Lieutenant Ribcage CT-3839 legion duty officer: Commander Appo CC-1119 command duty officer: Commander Cody CC-2224 “altercation began | 1815” ----“involving CT-5597, CT-6116, CT-7567, CT-4675, and RC-1207” physical conflict initiated by ct-5597 | 1821” “all troopers subdued | 1853” “witness statements collected, see attached | 0014”

CloneBang! @clonebang has been wonderful enough to host an amazing event this year for a clone-centric big bang.

Genfic, rated T, 21k of Cody, Anakin, and Obi-Wan interviewing those needed related to a fistfight that broke out at the end of a campaign. Kix-centric, with commando drop-outs Kix and Hardcase, and special guests Delta Squad.

Warnings for: Canon-Typical Violence (including Chemical Weapons), Xenophobia, referenced suicide, and grief related to a death that would have been preventable outside the military machine of Kamino and the GAR. Background cloneships.

You can find the incident report here with all the tags.

Includes art by Kippysaurus.

[vxdfives]

501st and Ranks

The ranks in the 501st kinda confuse me

The 501st is a Legion. A legion in the GAR is lead by a Senior commander and a Jedi General. Jedi General is obvious, that’s Anakin. But who is the commander? Senior commander is one rank below marshal commander, and Rex who is in charge of the 501st is just a captain who are usually just in charge of companies. Sure there is Ahsoka who’s a commander but she’s a Jedi commander who are different from clone commanders. Additionally Jedi commanders are just in charge of Bataillons and Regiments (both are smaller than legions). So does Rex just function as commander but still has the rank of captain? Or did they make an exception and Ahsoka is the commander of the legion instead of a clone commander?

I also tried to figure out what rank Fives has, because I don’t believe he’s just a trooper (and ARC trooper isn’t a rank. Colt is a commander and Jesse a Lieutenant). And here’s my theory. I use the battle of Umbara and Ringo Vinda as reference because there are a few hints.

The way Fives talks to Rex makes me think he has to have a higher rank, but then again it’s Fives so maybe he just doesn’t care. Or maybe it’s just because they’re close, or a combination of all 3 (probably the most likely theory)

During the briefing right at the beginning all clones present seem to be some kind of officer. Rex (captain), Cody (commander), Waxer (Lieutenant ), Jesse (Lieutenant), Hardcase (Lieutenant?), Fives (Sergeant?) and Tup and Dogma, wich is surprising because they’re still pretty young and inexperienced, so I’m guessing they’re also Sergeants (especially because Dogma was also put in charge of an execution squad and I don’t think they let just any trooper do that)

At one point in Umbare the have to split up their platoons in order to move through a narrow gorge. He puts Hardcase and Fives in charge of one of those groups. Rex calls them squads but I don’t think they’re squads because a squad only consists of 9 troopers and you can see that there are clearly more than 9 troopers in that group. So I think it’s actually a platoon, not a full platoon since a lot of troopers already died. Plus Rex said they had to split up the platoons so I’m guessing the whole group is a company (Torrent company to be more specific)

So we know they Fives and Hardcase were probably in charge of a platoon. A platoon is lead by a Lieutenant and a Sergeant, so who’s the Lieutenant and who’s the Sergeant. Now that’s just speculation on my part but I think Hardcase is the Lieutenant and Fives is the Sergeant. Hardcase has been in the 501st for longer and Fives just joined the 501sf after he was away for a while (probably doing ARC Trooper stuff), so I don’t think he was instantly promoted to Lieutenant, but I might be wrong.

On Ringo Vinda Commander Doom asks for support and Anakin orders Fives and Tup to take 10 of their best men to support Doom. That tells us quite a lot. Fives and Tup are in charge of a group of troopers, and it’s definitely not a squad because that only consists of 9 troopers. The next bigger group is a platoon, so I’m guessing that’s what they’re in charge of. Again a platoon is lead by a Lieutenant and a Sergeant. But this time I think Fives is the Lieutenant, mainly because he’s more experienced than Tup. Plus I like the idea that they’re both in charge of a platoon wich might e a reason why they’re so close

Plus one last thing on the costume guide page of the 501st they describe Fives as a Lieutenant. No idea where they got that information from but I’m glad I’m not alone

But honestly I feel like in Torrent company the ranks don’t seem to matter that much anyway I guess they just treat them as formalities and the ranks only start to matter when it comes to who’s in charge during a battle. Seems kinda fitting for Anakin’s battalion. Also I deliberately ignored Appo for this because his role during Umbara just makes things even more complicated. Honestly this post could be much longer because this topic is so complex and there isn’t much information out there

[bardicindignation]

April Fool's Day Fic Snippet

In honor of April fools, I offer unto y'all an extremely cracky scene from a Star Wars fix-it au that I may or may not eventually get around to actually writing.

For context: Anakin started coming back to the light just a few years after the rise of the Empire and has, along with Cody and another person, been leading an undercover rebellion against the empire. Their general modus operandi for finding jedi is to a. let them go if they can without arousing suspicion, b. fake a pirate attack while in transit to let them escape, or c. fake their deaths.

They've just reported the death of Quinlan Vos when this starts.

(Also, if this looks at all familiar, it's because it was inspired by this fic by cosmicocean on ao3.)

Fuck fuck kriffing-bantha-nerf-herding-motherfucking-hutts.

Anakin...might have been panicking. Just a bit.

He’d prepared for a lot, but Moff karking-son-of-a-bantha Tarkin sweeping unannounced onto his kriffing bridge while he was in the midst of informing a jedi that he was supposed to have already killed that he, you know, wasn’t going to be killed. Or tortured. Or used as bait for other jedi.

(‘In the midst of’ was an exaggeration. ‘About to’ was more accurate.)

And said jedi was standing in full fucking view of the entire fucking bridge because the bridge was supposed to be full of people he trusted and not Wilhulf fucking Tarkin and HOW HAD THIS HAPPENED???

Tarkin looked at Anakin, at a very much alive and entirely unrestrained Quinlan Vos (thank the Force Anakin hadn’t returned the man’s lightsabre yet), at Cody, Appo, and the others (frozen and also panicking under their blank stormtrooper armor), at the bridge crew (Captain Piett was going to start hyperventilating any moment now), and back to Anakin.

“I’m sure,” he said smoothly, an insufferably smug smirk playing at the corner of his mouth, “that you have a very good explanation as to why you have not executed the jedi scum as reported, Lord Vader. I’m sure the Emperor would love to hear it.”

So. Anakin was panicking, reminding himself that, as insufferably horrible as he was, Tarkin was one of the few men he couldn’t get away with killing without a good reason and, had he mentioned, panicking. So. Much. Panic. So he really couldn’t be blamed when all higher brain function fled, and what came out of his mouth was,

“What jedi scum?”

Kriff, kriff, kriff. He could feel Cody judging him from across the room.

Tarkin spluttered.

“What jedi scum?! The-the one standing right there beside you!”

Fuuuuuuck.

“I see no jedi.” Anakin told him.

So. Much. Judgement.

Tarkin lost his temper.

“THE JEDI TRAITOR QUINLAN VOS IS STANDING DIRECTLY TO YOUR RIGHT! HE IS HOLDING A TEA CUP!”

Mmhm. Yep. Okay, here he went, one Anakin Skywalker BS special, coming right up.

“This is not the jedi traitor Quinlan Vos.”

“What?” said Tarkin, eyebrows shooting up.

“What?” said definitely-jedi Quinlan Vos at the same time, though thankfully Tarkin hadn’t seemed to hear him.

Anakin groaned inwardly, drew himself up to Darth Vader’s impressive height and loomed.

“This,” he repeated impatiently, “is not Quinlan Vos, nor is he a jedi. This is…” Anakin frantically scoured his brain for a name and plausible explanation, “Informant Sergei.”

Complete silence fell. Anakin heard Cody cough slightly. If Captain Piett wasn’t careful, his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Vos was staring at him. He was pretty sure that Aphra (and when had she gotten here?) had started to film.

“Informant Sergei.” Tarkin said flatly.

Anakin loomed more aggressively. He was committed now. This was what he was going with and so help him, he was going to make this padawan-framing bastard believe it.

“Did you not hear me the first time?” he asked scathingly, channeling his master at his most irritated, and went on without waiting for an answer. “Informant Sergei has been working with me since the Clone Wars, and has stayed loyal to our cause throughout. His resemblance to his cousin Quinlan Vos has been a boon in gathering intelligence from those more...sympathetic to the old Order and was instrumental in leading Vos to his demise.”

There. He could work with that. Now, he just had to (somehow) get Tarkin to buy it. Which, going by the look on his face, hadn’t happened.

That was okay. Anakin hadn’t had the chance to bullshit someone this thoroughly since the Clone Wars; he had backlog.

The ball was in Tarkin’s court now. Immediately, he turned on Vos.

“What’s your name and what are you doing here?” he demanded sharply.

Vos glanced at Anakin, who was panicking again, then back to Tarkin. A lazy smile spread across his face.

“I’m Sergei Vos, that bastard Quinlan’s cousin on our dad’s side. I’m here to collect my reward for aiding in his capture.”

Anakin held back a sigh of relief, and his sense of Cody and the men relaxed fractionally. Vos hadn’t been one of the best undercover jedi for nothing, even Obi-Wan would’ve had a hard time beating that poker face.

Tarkin wasn’t done yet.

“Trooper! Have you worked with this Informant Sergei,” said, of course, in tones of deep disgust, “on previous assignments?”

Cody, bless him, didn’t miss a beat.

“Infromant Sergei has been a fine asset to the Empire.”

Anakin was going to have to get him something good the next time they went planet side. And it didn’t stop there.

“He’s a killer sabacc player,” Aphra chimed in, still filming.

“If you get them in good light, you can tell the difference pretty easily.” Lieutenant Needa, fresh out of the academy.

“Vos had a scar on his arm where Sergei bit him when they were young.” Grey.

“I lost my virginity to Informant Sergei.”

It took every ounce of willpower Anakin had not to turn and stare at Piett in utter disbelief. What the fuck was that?

...Vos winked lasciviously in Piett’s direction.

“And what a night it was.”

Okay. Whatever. Anakin had started this, he’d bear the consequences.

Tarkin looked nonplussed, but less certain of himself. Time to drive it home.

“If,” he said forbiddingly, “you are quite finished interrogating my staff, Grand Moff Tarkin.”

Tarkin glared at him.

“I expect Informant Sergei’s information to have arrived at my desk when I reach it.”

“Of course.”

“And if I find out that any of it is inaccurate…”

“You will not.”

One last incredulous look around the bridge later, Tarkin was striding out as abruptly as he came.