#lev 1x12

[readinginthereadyroom]

I’m on leverage s2 and they just gave the show an opening sequence. it’s okay tho I think eliot got the short stick when it comes to job descriptions.

also nate’s no longer drinking (lev 2x01). he’s my least favorite character and he was becoming...boring. one note. drunk and doesn’t care. angst angst angst. I’m not a criminal and sophie not divulging that she has the second david (lev 1x13) is awful terrible LYING and I’m too catholic and guilt-ridden and divorced (but still married) to be in like like with her now.

basically I’m saying he’s a child. he gets all petulant when he’s not in control of which jobs get chosen (lev 1x07), he puts his team in jeopardy with all his “functional alcoholic” nonsense (lev 1x12), and he lied to maggie when they were still married about the events surrounding their son’s death.

disgusting. letting her hob-knob with the insurance company that denied their son’s experimental cancer treatment. made her look the callous fool. it’s gross, it’s disgusting, I hate it.

anyhow good for sophie moving on. she deserves it. and I hope nate becomes more palatable as a character (his redemption arc would be an amazing story) cause working for a big insurance corporation for 20 years makes him kinda the worst thief out of all of them.

[kythwena]

Had he kissed Eliot? A vivid sense memory of somebody else’s stubble, surprisingly scratchy, chafing his cheek and upper lip. Good God, he thought wearily. What goes on. He had reached the outer limits of what Fun, capital F, could do for him. The cost was way too high, the returns pitifully inadequate. His mind was dimly awakening, too late, to other things that were as important, or even more so. The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

[faersflower]

Eliot loved Quentin too much. Actually.

Also Queliot was. It did happen. Not how anyone wanted, really, but even in a canonical sense it did happen. 3×05 for starters. That made it at least partially canon. 4x05 solidified it into canon. Eliot had feelings for Quentin (see 4x05, 5x03 [probably more of season 5, I'm not sure). Quentin had feelings for Eliot (see 4x02, 4×05, 4x06, 4×09, 4x13*, 5x03 [spoken by Alice] [*except don't see 4x13, its terrible])

Secondly. Eliot's relationship with Mike was not him being available emotionally. Eliot was already very obviously attracted to Quentin. Literally spoken in canon (see "whats with you and the flavor of the month?" Conversation.) Like sure, yes, Eliot at this point is actually pretty available. I'm not sure that I would say emotionally. He represses a lot of his emotions from here and until the end, really. Also it cannot be ignored that Eliot was being groomed by Martin as Mike to get close to Eliot so that he could get close to Quentin, and kill Quentin. It was manipulation in the form of grooming. That was all it was. Mike was never Mike. It was Martin. And even still ⁠— when Eliot finds out. When he faces Martin in the Quiet Room he is repressing his anger. His hurt. He's hiding it. These are emotions are they not? And he is repressing them in front of Mike/Martin.

Also I'm sorry all his mourning for Mike lead him to was a downward mental spiral, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and not caring if he himself died. (See 1x11, 1x12, 1x13, 2x04 [conversation Eliot has with Fogg. "I thought I'd die."]) Plus. He never recovered from that emotional abuse.

His marriage to Fen was based on an agreement Q and Julia made with a knife maker in Fillory's past for a knife to kill the Beast. Whomever was High King to marry his daughter, they got the knife. Eliot agreed to save his friends. Not because of Anything Else. [Fun fact this plot thread isn't in the books! Thank you Lev.]

He was never available to Fen: emotionally, romantically, sexually, and barely platonically.

He wasn't really emotionally open to Idri? He was romantically and sexually open to him! But emotionally? Not really. All their talking was mostly political or sexual. Not emotions.

You say "Eliot only said no to Quentin." Like it proves your point. But you obviously missed the point of 4x05. The only way out of his Happy Place in that episode was Eliot's Greatest Regret. Would his greatest regret really be rejecting Quentin if he didn't love him enough?

No.

He loved him too much.

Mike groomed him. And was never Mike.

Fen meant nothing to him.

Idri was political.

Quentin was his friend. Who he loved. He didn't want to lose that friendship with him because it was more powerful than any romantic partner he had had before.

He was scared.

He loved Quentin too much to lose him to his possible fickleness. He was scared it would change them. He'd forgotten enough of the Mosaic timeline to still doubt the possibility of them.

And then Q died.

If anything that made Eliot truly unavailable. Not the priors.

To quote Hale Appleman himself (see THE MAGICIANS | Season 4, Episode 13: Making Magic):

"Quentin's death is sort of symbolic of the end of the potential for true love in kind of a big, big way. It's a tremendous loss for Eliot, and a tremendous set-back in terms of his heart and the kind of love that he was getting ready to embrace."

So yeah. I agree Eliot is scarred and unavailable. Just not to Quentin.

And I entirely disagree on him not loving Q enough.

#queliot couldn’t be because Eliot was emotionally scarred and unavailable. But he’d been very emotionally available to Mike. Being forced by circumstances to kill Beast-possessed Mike added to his trauma, that’s for sure. He mourned for the Mike dream for a long time and it ultimately lead him to marrying a woman, if you think about it. And then he made himself pretty emotionally available to King Idri. Yes, it was a political decision, but he was very into it. Into him. Throughout the series, Eliot only said no to Quentin. Quentin took all the chances and when he asked directly and insisted, emotionally unavailable Eliot shot him down, even if they just had a lifetime together as absolute proof of concept. So all I can conclude is that… Eliot just didn’t love Quentin enough.

[seoulmatcs-blog]

60cm:Ghost FR AMR 6.7 AL first ride review

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[bikesteelborrow]

2019 GT Sensor Carbon Expert

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Dämpfer: RockShox Deluxe RT3, 185x50mm, DebonAir, Metric Trunnion

Felgen: Stan's NoTubes Flow S1, 32h, tubeless ready

Naben: All Terra Alloy Disc 15x110 front, 12x148 rear

Speichen: Stainless Steel, 14g

Reifen: Schwalbe Nobby Nic Performance 29 x 2.35" Addix Speedgrip compound, tubeless ready

Kurbel: Truvativ Descendant 7K, Dub, 32T

Tretlager: SRAM Dub, 73mm BSA

Kette: SRAM GX Eagle, 12-speed

Zahnkränze: SRAM XG-1295, X01 Eagle, 10-50, 12-speed

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[kythwena]

They look like fun. The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

There was a place out there that was so perfect and magical that it had made even Quentin happy. There wasn’t just magic there, there was love too. Quentin was in love. The Magician King (The Magicians, #2) by Lev Grossman

[kythwena]

Daylight was here, and with it had come the world of appearances and lies and acting like everything was fine. [...] act like nothing was wrong, as if Quentin hadn’t just broken Alice’s heart for no better reason than that he was drunk and felt like it. The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

[kythwena]

And then after a while it seemed like a debatable thing—you could really make the case both ways, it was a coin-flip. And then it was an unfortunate lapse, an indiscretion, still within the bounds of the forgivable, but definitely a low point. Not a personal best. And then it was a major indiscretion, a bad mistake, and then, in the last act of the strip tease, it revealed itself to be what it truly was: a terrible, really awful, hurtful betrayal. The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

[kythwena]

“Don’t you fucking speak to me!” She slapped wildly at his head and shoulders with both hands so that he ducked and put up his arms. “Don’t you even dare talk to me, you whore! You fucking whore!” The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

[kythwena]

Yeah, I brought a gun. The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

Janet reached carefully behind her back and brought out something small but heavy. Gripping it with both hands, she made a small adjustment and then fired five shots into the creature at close range. The pistol bounced upward with each shot, and each time she carefully re-aimed it. The sound was shattering in the low-ceilinged chamber. One shot struck sparks off the jewel in the grimling’s back. It sank to the floor, shivering and deflating like a parade balloon, still expressionless. It made a high urgent whistling sound. By the fifth shot it was visibly dead. Nothing and nobody in the room moved. Janet turned around. The tears she had shed earlier were already dry. She glared at them. “What the fuck are you looking at?” she said. The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman

[kythwena]

When he was almost at the top of the stairs, he stopped. Quentin would have known it anywhere, the sound that Alice made when she was having sex. Now here was a conundrum for his drunken mind to reflect on: she was making it now, but it wasn’t Quentin who was making her make it. He stared down at the burnt-orange natural-weave fibers of the runner that ran down the middle of the stairs. He could not be hearing that sound. It came in through his ears and made spots appear in his vision. His blood fizzed like a science experiment and turned to acid. The acid propagated through his body and made his arms and legs and brain burn. Then it made its way to his heart, like a deadly blood clot that had broken loose and was drifting free, bringing death with it. When it reached his heart, his heart turned white hot. She was with Penny or Richard, obviously. He had just left Josh and Eliot, and they would never do that to him anyway. The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

[kythwena]

He got it now, of course, finally. He’d been going about this all wrong. He should never have come here at all. He should never have fallen in love with Alice. He should never even have come to Brakebills. He should have stayed in Brooklyn, in the real world. He should have nursed his depression and his grudge against the world from the relative safety of mundane reality. He never would have met Alice, but at least she would be alive, somewhere. He could have eked out his sad wasted life with movies and books and masturbation and alcohol like everybody else. He would never have known the horror of really getting what he thought he wanted. He could have spared himself and everybody else the cost of it. If there was a moral to the story of Martin Chatwin, that was it in a nutshell. Sure, you can live out your dreams, but it’ll only turn you into a monster. Better to stay home and do card tricks in your bedroom instead.

The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman

[kythwena]

“Do you want to explain it or should I?” Penny said. “You do it. I’m not going to be able to say it without laughing my head off.” “Well, somebody say something, or I’m going back to bed,” Eliot said. “Ladies and gentlemen,” Penny said, gravely and grandly, “we are all going to Fillory.”

The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman

[kythwena]

“Don’t you fucking speak to me!” She slapped wildly at his head and shoulders with both hands so that he ducked and put up his arms. “Don’t you even dare talk to me, you whore! You fucking whore!”

The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman

[kythwena]

Everything about sex with Janet had been so different from Alice. The smell, the feel of her skin, her businesslike know-how. The shame and the fear had caught up with him even before it was over, before he came, but he hadn’t stopped. And had Eliot really been awake for the whole thing? His brain dealt out a sloppy fan of mental Polaroids, out of sequence: an image of Janet kissing Eliot, of her hand working diligently between Eliot’s legs. Had she really been weeping? Had he kissed Eliot? A vivid sense memory of somebody else’s stubble, surprisingly scratchy, chafing his cheek and upper lip. Good God, he thought wearily. What goes on. He had reached the outer limits of what Fun, capital F, could do for him. The cost was way too high, the returns pitifully inadequate. His mind was dimly awakening, too late, to other things that were as important, or even more so.

The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman

[kythwena]

You don't get to shame me. The Magicians | S01E12: Thirty-Nine Graves (2016)

By merely speaking you could create damage and pain, cause tears to fall, drive people away, make yourself feel better, make your life worse. [...] He wanted to tell Alice he didn’t love her, but he couldn’t, because it wasn’t true. It was the one lie he couldn’t quite tell. The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman