#let's just say that wouldn't end well
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my bones yearn to be muddy
my bones want dirt
mudbones
#shitpost#i'm stoned#stoner#thoughts my brain had#i am only my brain not the flesh cage the world has trapped me in#if i were to escape#let's just say that wouldn't end well
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Following the chilling conclusion of All That's Left's first season, Mac and Layla and their friends find themselves scattered across a divided Los Angeles a year after their successful return to town. Matrix Corp has taken control— "With humanity's best interest in mind"— but with our protagonists' knowledge of Opportunity's destruction and Houston's unexpected fall, they know better than to trust the corporation and its near military-sized security force. Closed district gates separate them from one another and a new threat lurks just outside the city's walls— but resistance is on the rise, and it is only a matter of time before truth comes out. [SEASON ONE HERE]
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @roseeway, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree;
@kanos, @swordcoasts, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf, @strafethesesinners
#all that's left#edit:misc#nuclearedits#OK HIII here is season two :D i hope you guys like ittt the playlist is very funky just like the one for season one heehee#reblogs encouraged btw!! i love reading your guys' thoughts on stuff like this especially my original stories :^)#the opening theme is so good it works so well. very similar to the first season opening with wouldn't it be nice#wide shot of los angeles from the sky with the closed districts and one district in ruins because they let ghouls in a year back#with the song playing in the background as the camera pans over to show how bad the situation is after like#a little text intro that explains what happened in season one and how they made it back to los angeles safely for their happy ending#but. well. now there's this! and then the title shows in the screen and the song continues playing while you get like#a sequence of random shots from what life inside town is like now that matrix corp has taken control. are you seeing my vision#anyway i have a lot to say about the whole playlist again like with the other one but i won't do that here right now#this season would be fun because it jumps around more between different guys whereas in season one it was all one group#now you get a lot more interesting perspectives and there's additions to the cast and gabriella gets her own storyline#because she's stuck in some neighborhood outside the city walls with like. HUNDREDS of ghouls in slumber#and there's no way for her to get out of there safely. but she's going to try anyway#obviously this is never gonna be an actual tv show but i wish it was. i really wish it was i have so many visuals for it in mind
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Sepang 2006: After an exhausting race, Valentino Rossi brings a chair to the podium and sits down. Loris Capirossi joins him to sit on his lap.
#brr brr#//#lc65#going through my notes for that vale race rec post and I was gonna include some of these screenshots#but actually there's screenshots I want to include from parc fermé too because I think they're cute so. this gets its separate post#if you're wondering how that rec list is going btw I've currently got over eighty races listed I don't want to talk about it#this race deserves a lot more love tbh. one of the 2006 races nobody would ever shut up about if he'd won the title#but they don't suddenly stop being good races just because they ended up being in vain!! he was amazing to watch in 2006#two bits of context that really make this:#1) vale/loris were engaged in battle the whole race and vale overtook on the final lap before engaging in some?? uh. robust defence#which I feel like at least a few riders would at the very least have been mildly miffed at but!! not capirossi not with valentino#2) dani had like?? a deep cut in his knee and it was surprising he'd been able to ride let alone get a podium#you'll note he's the only guy standing while these two are doing their thing. another big win for empathy#one commentator is saying literally right after they stand up again that dani had gained the respect of his fellow riders that day#and you kind of feel like if they took his suffering THAT seriously they maybe wouldn't do all that but well!! anyway#alien tag
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I always found it slightly awkward how media makes siblings or people who see each other as siblings call each other brother/sister all the time as in real life you almost never see people do that with their own siblings (maybe someone out there like that)
In the case of Arkham Shadows I see why they did though because Bruce quite literally tells Harvey he loves him and Harvey says it back. Can't have the audience think Batman is in love with the DA.
They had Bruce pay for his college, pay for his campaign, pay for his surgery, pay for his therapy and had Harvey have him as his best man at his wedding. Wow..... Sugar baby Harvey is real.....
The calling sibling title thing is less common in English than in some other languages for sure- me and a couple of my siblings do it on occasion, but it's for a bit then. More common is when I call one of my close family friends "my sister" or "my nephew" when talking about them to someone else because it's faster and easier to say that than to say "my friend who I've known since she was born and lived with for a few years and consider a little sister" or "child of a close family friend who considers me an aunt" to someone who doesn't know them. Which is a lot of words to say that if they wanted to fully sell me on the brothers thing they should have either had a different bit or should have referred to the other as "my brother" when talking to an unrelated character instead.
But "oh no we have to make Bruce not look gay" has been a problem DC has struggled with more than once for many decades and it basically never works so I guess at least they didn't try to solve it this time by having Bruce pick a lady love over Harvey or cutting the holding hands thing
Because I saw that scrapbook! I know Harvey has been Bruce's sugar baby since he was ten years old! But we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him the love of his life because ok technically that's Gotham but also because gay. And we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him his best friend because they're not ten anymore and somehow that seems gay also. So brothers it is, I guess. Even if I think my brothers would bite my finger if I ever tried to pay for everything for them on that scale, guess it's different at billionaire levels
#I'm actually simultaneously a believer in grew up like brothers and absolutely down bad romantically#(and harvey as a representation of Gotham itself as a love)#like an election in two (three) positions at once#but the point remains- you can't really fully cover the care by slapping a brother label on it like dc tries to to avoid it being too gay ig#which is very funny because did you see all the bi Tim and Dick stuff in Gotham Knights- but Robin has always had more freedom than Batman#in the 'can we let anyone think he's anything other than totally straight' department#anyway now I'm thinking about how on earth-3 all the characters get a morality flip#but Two Face/Three Face is the only one i can think of who gets a gender flip as well#as if 'oh if we had just originally conceived of Dent as a woman it would have been better (morally) because then it wouldn't have ended up#looking so gay'#but no they did not explore that thread because apparently uh having love interests in the joker and riddler was more important#which you'd think should reflect back on standard issue harv eddy and clown but uh. not really no they don't want to admit it#and i suppose 'well no three face wouldn't have a thing for owlman because he's technically not a version of Bruce he's a version of b's#brother'#but like then again. if Harvey is his brother. then shouldn't something have been used there to connect it#in any way at all#but no#instead I'm left with many thoughts about Harvey as a brother as a lover as a personification of gotham and as a woman but#i am still very sleepy rn so i don't know how many of those thoughts are coherent#but all that to say#YEAH SUGAR BABY HARVEY#guess it wouldn't be comforting for Harvey to shakily ask what he is#and Bruce to answer 'you're my companion who i turn to for affection in and give you obscene amounts of money in turn'#but like. it also wouldn't have been incorrect.#... though 'sugar baby harv as part of the representation of Gotham itself' probably has something to it too#but i digress I'm sleepy#pocket talks to people#anon#* i meant 'electron' not 'election' in that earlier tag
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say “had i not screwed up...” the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like “ok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?”#and i was like “um so should i ask them?” she went “YES.”#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time 😔😔#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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part of the problem is that a lot of hugo's politics are really well thought out & considered & good but then some of them are like. entirely vibes-based to the point of feeling muddled & inconsistent & even straight up Bad sometimes. which is annoying
#sometimes it's like he's just saying things. chewing it over in real time but not getting anywhere really. which is frustrating when you've#just been immersed in a really deep & serious point he's carefully made & laid out just before#<- e.g. this section of revolt vs insurrection has some good points ig & could be interesting if it was actually grounded in some sort#of idk. political theory or something. but instead he spends a lot of it just falling back on ~vibes which sucks Especially bc#sometimes that 'sense' misleads him i think! and he ends up wandering closer to certain reactionary ideas than he intends#like he starts w this really banger bit basically making fun of the bourgeoisie opinion on violent uprising but then?? kind of ends up#doing that a bit himself by the end? not to mention that tbh i think the whole distinction he's trying to make here is kind of bogus anyway#it really feels he's trying to soothe his like lingering bits of conservative discomfort around this sort of armed uprising#by sorting it into a 'good' 'type' while maintaining a 'bad' 'type' for anything he's still not comfortable with#<- i wouldn't phrase that quite so harshly except i still think his bit on 1848 is annoying & this sort of goes hand in hand w that towards#like. actually actively working against the values he's trying to strive towards. y'know.#it's like you can see genuinely him intellectually trying to come round but he has still not let go of these#sort of like. instinctive conservative bourgeois discomforts in his subconscious. if that makes sense#thoughts#<- also the take on caesar & alexander & columbus etc. 😑��� i'm tired#kind of funny though bc sometimes his characters (i.e. like the amis) come across as having more clear grounded discussed well#thought through political opinions than he does. lol. it's like he saw the vision but was struggling with it personally at times#les mis
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okay, SO although this account is based on a heavily canon-divergent and reworked version of mister bloom, there are some thing's that he says in the comics that i think are REALLY accurate to blamore's way of thinking and/or something that he'd say because he does have this mindset that gotham is past the point of saving... so it would be better to just raze it all to the ground. BUT in such a way that will make it seem like a revolutionary because it preaches that it wants a 'better life' for all gothamites + that they should rise up and TAKE what they want, though he is in fact turning people against each other in the process and killing people because some people don't survive consuming a seed at all... and the ones who do STILL tend to die later. so this is the biggest panel that i think still relates to it:
as well as this one, because blamore really DOES sometimes believe in his own hubris that he is a savior and someone who will bring a new beginning to gotham that everyone needs. except no one will be there to enjoy it besides maybe him and a few others, so his logic is beyond flawed. though i truly do believe that the immense amount of stress he was put under combined with actually dying for about three minutes made something snap in blamore... though, that doesn't excuse his actions or anything he does, of course. i'm just saying that it may do a good job of pretending like it's okay a good amount of the time, but it is SO angry and full of resentment towards humanity in reality. because blamore spent what was about eight years of his life studying to help people and years actually doing so as well, but in his point of view, it didn't seem to help. especially after blamore's father got shot.
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#ALL DARK ALL BLOODY MY HEART: character study.#yeah blamore is uhhh. very much NOT okay and if i'm being honest if you are not one of it's friends or family or anyone close to it-#i DEFINITELY would not trust him. because let me tell ya... blamore is a deceiver and it does this by appearing like this friendly-#as well as spunky being that can make friends with almost anyone BUT that therein lies the problem bc it theoretically could be using you-#and you wouldn't even know it unfortunately. plus i feel as if blamore purposefully makes his motives unclear a majority-#of the time so that it CAN make allies but then throw them away whenever they have 'outlived their use' i guess you could say.#though there are tells as to whether it genuinely feels a sense of kinship / friendship towards someone OFC and doing thing's like-#protecting them or opening up to them are a few of those. so i'm not trying to say that blamore can't forge genuine friendships but-#i'm just saying that it IS tricky sometimes and does occasionally use people as a means to an end.
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you seriously cannot make this up: you have people reblogging fic featuring a racist character as half of the main ship in the morning then trying to give morality lessons in the evening by calling others homophobic over a joke.
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE, BABES.
#the finger keeps being pointed at buddie shippers like the other side is not doing anything wrong at all when there is SO MUCH that#could be said about them. and it's all because people want to seem like their choice of preferred ship at the moment is rational and correc#and the thing is it would be so much more honest to say that at the moment you are more compelled by the other ship. some of us may not#understand it and may judge it because HOW. but in the end it's your right!! it's ok!!! you ship what you ship. but to make it seem like#this is the correct choice by saying that it's just the buddie fans turning you off the ship or being crazy... that's stupid. then you also#wouldn't be invested in the other ship because it also has crazy fans and people being terrible.#and like for years and years the buddie side of fandom has had to self-reflect A LOT. and sure not everyone has done it but so many of us#have refused to let others get away with things simply because their otp was ours too. we shamed racists during the chimney punch debacle.#we have called people out on gross top/bottom discourse. we have acknowledged that there are sides to the fandom that have been wrong.#but i have yet to see one single b*ckt*mmy fan engage in public self-reflection about their side of the fandom.#and if the problem was simply with the fans around others well okay whatever you'd be doing a bad job. but to actively also engage in the#bad behavior and then call out others. PLEASE KSKSKSKSKSKSKSK like c'mon!!!!!!!#and at this point words like homophobia keep being thrown around and it's actually vile when they refer to things that are VERY MUCH not#rooted in homophobia at all. twice now a joke that was NOT homophobic has been called homophobic and i think people should reflect#on why they need things to be homophobia so bad when they don't agree with them.#so yeah anyways THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE#discourse#.text
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"So Kevin searches until both of his hands find one of theirs. He doesn’t look at them, though he feels their gazes on him. He just breathes deeply and closes his eyes."
- Darkest Before Dawn by @knickknacksandallthat
#kevin day#jean moreau#jeremy knox#kerejean#all for the game#fanart#my art#acrylic on wood#hey remember my comment saying I wished I could draw? well guess what I can paint!#this scene wouldn't leave my head#let's just keep inspiring art back and forth until the end of time 💜#aftg#fireworks#🎆#mpf
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link click's new episode leaving us with more questions than answers as usual. 1) lu guang and qian jin kept looking at the clock for some reason which seems to indicate lu guang knows something would happen anytime. he either left by his own will or was forced by someone else. he also seems like he disappeared in thin air so, what's up with that? 2) cxs losing connection and transferring bodies temporarily before being forced out of the picture has to have an explanation. could there have been another ability user interfering with his ability? i'm not sure if the same happened during emma's fall or not because he also came back immediately and they didn't show him touch hands. the common factor between these two situations is red eyes, whatever that means 3) we are given the impression both cxs and the woman police officer leave the police station voluntarily with li tianxi at the end. were they controlled/manipulated? is this li tianxi's power? and, if not, what is "her" plan and why is cxs so ready to help? 4) qian jin put together an entire group of people that seem ready to attack someone. who is the person he apparently wants to get rid of or get? 5) who is the mysterious kid and is he working with li tianchen? 6) i still think li tianchen is the one able to control bodies and taking over his sister, it would make sense why li tianxi isn't mute anymore and even cxs was suspicious it wasn't her. but then, again, what does he want with cxs? is this part of qian jin's plan or personal reasonings? 7) and, finally, how does qian jin tie into all of this. this family's case seems to be the one that made him leave the police. i wonder what happened that made him turn sides and who is he trying to actually get to. is he really just a bad guy? each episode is more intriguing than the last!!!!
#i'm not smart enough to make theories#i hope lu guang keeps using his cat pyjamas they're really cute#also cried sobbed when lu guang told cxs if he knew what would happened he wouldn't have let cxs go through such pain 😭#that was so sweet#anyways really curious to understand what's going on#link click and the cliffhanger endings will always be iconic#i feel like it would be so easy to just keep reusing the same formula and get boring/repetitive but link click is always so well done that#like it hits every single time#and it's so satisfying#they're able to keep us on the edge of our seats for every single episode#it's so good!!!#never getting tired of saying how good link click is#link click
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genuinely always so shocked to see mirei hate. like literally god forbid women do anything.
#y5 haters in general... does playable haruka mean nothing to you...#DOES SHINADA TATSUO MEAN NOTHING TO YOU...#for legal reasons this is a joke people are allowed to feel however they want about whatever it's just viddy games#and i fully acknowledge y5 and its litany of flaws#of which there are certainly enough for any given individual to justifiably dislike/hate its entirety but I AM A Y5 LOVER THRU AND THRU#saejima's arc is just an arguably less interesting rehash of the one he had in 4?#(jail; jailbreak; betrayed by his lil buddy guy#but now we're sans the interesting character stuff of his feelings regarding the hit. & also i miss his hair.#& that's not even to say i think saejima is boring in y5 i think there's some interesting subtext to take away from his character#unique to this entry but it's pretty hard to deny how much is literally just y4 again but now he's bald)#BUT WHO GAFS he got buffed to hell gameplay-wise and punches bears now#and also baba's a great character and he doesn't have to do a whole chase minigame if a cop sees him anymore#bloated/unfocused feeling in general to the game?#WELL THAT'S JUST MORE CONTENT BABY!!! only a real issue if you're a completionist imo#+ are u telling me you don't wanna drive a taxi? u don't wanna play a video game in which the goal is to drive as normally as possible?#and i loveeeee multiple protagonists yay <3 y0 y4 and y5 are my favs so far lol (up to y6)#kiryu's inclusion in y5 also feels way more justified than in y4. he was so tacked on there i'm trying to remember what he even really did#other than tiger dropping as a boss fight before instantly forgetting how to tiger drop the second he became playable#and losing track of yasuko and getting tag-teamed by akiyama and tanimura (cough) and beating up daigo#but in exchange akiyama becomes the protag that feels kinda tacked on in y5. way less so than kiryu in y4 tho for sure#anyway. weird/strangely justified plot beats? WELL THAT'S JUST EVERY YAKUZA GAME#an arguably strange/poor writing choice for majima especially given how he ended up being written in y0?#well honestly other than the age thing i think it makes him more interesting... he's kinda fucked up!#but i do get why people are /really/ not a fan of it. ik i just said i think it makes him more interesting but if it gets retconned#or even just never mentioned again i wouldn't be surprised tbh and i wouldn't say that i'd mind either#but additionally he's not even a major character in y5 so it feels like it's not really a significant complaint imo#anyway anyone can do this ('this' being acknowledging the flaws of a thing and then letting how much they otherwise enjoy#said thing determine how much they let said flaws influence their overall opinion) ...such is the beauty of subjectivity... i love you.#contra.txt#yakuza
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I think the Next Mutation turtles are the perfect crew for an Undertale playthrough fic
I was gonna do one with the 03 boys, but it would mostly be Mikey and Donnie and pacifist routes. Leo and Raph over their shoulders when their fave characters show up.
But I want 03 Don to actually meet and talk to Sans Undertale, so that's in the bottomless idea box for now
The NM turtles, though. The type of conflict they have. It presents a fun opportunity for plot
They get a new game. Maybe Raph found it. Maybe Mikey ordered it. Maybe it's a gift from Andre. But the point is they all want a turn, right? If it happens earlyish in her arc, Venus is invested because they are and she wants to be included. Raph and Leo would be interested because of how your choices affect things. And once the boys realize how much hidden lore there potentially is to discover? Leo and Donnie are obsessed. Mikey was already obsessed (puns, spaghetti, what more could a turtle want in a video game?)
Anyway Mikey finished a neutral route (first playthrough, they're figuring out the game). Everyone's eager to go next. I think it would either be Raph, or possibly Venus who goes next, and goes for a clean pacifist route.
Well. You know how if you play the genocide route. The game changes forever?
They get up the next day, three turtles wager for their turn. Leo goes next, because I feel like he would have the funniest reaction. He's playing through the pacifist route. Donnie can make some comment like "but you've seen that before, don't you wanna try to find more things out?" (he's obsessed with Gastor and wants Leo to explore more) Raph can rib him about it too. "It didn't all stick in his head the first time."
And then, at the end, there's the red eyes
So who went out of turn and played the genocide route while everyone was asleep?
#undertale#undertale spoilers#tmnt#tmnt tnm#thwy would be so stupid about it and it would be so much fun#donnie can fix it but it's still the principal of it#'what about mikey? he's been obsessed with this game since we got it'#'yeah well what about donnie? he was the ine saying he wanted to see all the possible endings'#'hey why was leo doing a second olaythrough exactly like mikey's. what if that was just to throw off suspicion'#'admit it leo. you tried the genocide route. you felt guilty. you let us all catch you olaying the pacifist route'#'well maybe i did it so you would all stop soending so much time and arguing about video games!'#'venus??!!'#'no way she wouldn't. she's new at video games there's no way she beat sans'#'how do you know that sams is hard to beat mikey'#'well how do YOU know donnie'#that's enough tags yellow
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Before the month started, I had made my own tierlist of projects and announcements that are/will be shown during the special FNAF anniversary week based on how excited I was/am for them. The highest ones are the ones I'm most interested in and the lowest ones are the ones I'm…not.
I did this at the end of July, and only now did I remember to post it here.
The week is going well, but it's this second half that will be more interesting.
OG Tierlist/Template.
#crookedsmile open his mouth#crookedsmile open his mouth;fnaf#MyPopgoes seems; okay#like; it's alright; the secrets are interesting#but there's not much to say; it's a bit boring I would say#TJOC seems cool!#I don't remember caring much about the original; but the remake seems good!#I still have to watch the end of the demo though#I already have VIP; I just have to read it; maybe I'll read a route today#I'm still going to watch the interview with Scott#I wasn't very interested in it at first#and I had no intention of watching it (I didn't want to hear what he had to say either)#but with some of the things I heard today; maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to spend 1 hour on it#I'm liking the previews for the second movie!#The guys at Jim Henson are doing a great job making the Toys#looking foward to see what else will be teased this week for this#The collab and Steel Wool announcements are in a middle ground where#depending on what is announced I'll be more excited#but at the end of the day the Steel Wool one interests me more#I think I can have a better vision of what could possibly be announced by them; unlike the mysterious collab#(I also still have faith that the collab is with Fortnite; let me DREAM-)#FLAF looks intriguing; I want to check out the demo to get a better idea of the game however#and of course; Into the Pit is the main course; so this project is the one I want to see more#but yeah; like I said; the week is going well! but it's really in this second part where things are going to get more interesting#(also Dawko posted the first episode of FNAF Unsolved and I still have to watch it)#(it's not part of the official anniversary lineup but I still like to consider it here since it was posted this week)
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MOTHERFUCK i did not realize how much those antidepressants made me feel physically psychologically and dare i say spiritually like a peat mummy
literally 2 days off them and i've experienced more joy, lucidity, motivation and general good vibes than i did in the whole 2 months i was on them 😭😭
#now granted i did only sleep for 3 hours#but i felt more refreshed and energized today than i ever did when the pills forced me into 8 hours of pseudo-death a night#MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE IS BACK TO NEVER SHUTTING TF UP#it was practically bones for so long oml#i'm usually annoyingly verbose but i was only able to say like 5 words at a time before i forgot how to end my sentence#yeah i'm prolly gonna lose the rose tinted glasses in a few days when the novelty wears off but for now#it's so nice to feel like myself and not like a lobotomized skinwalker trying to wear my own mannerisms convincingly#(obvsly they help some ppl or they wouldn't be an option to prescribe but GOD they fit my brain chemistry as well as a fork fits an outlet)#<<<<<<I CAN DO THAT AGAIN!!! I MISSED MY STUPID METAPHORS AND MY BAD PUNS AND MY SLIGHTLY OUT OF POCKET JOKES#i was fucking trying but it fundamentally doesn't work if u Try#yoda moment but whatever#yippeee#god did they fucking '''cure''' my ADHD instead of my depression#ok if this is what some ppl's experience of ADHD meds is like then the 'they made me feel like a robot' thing makes a LOT more sense#personally they just make me feel like. yk that one comic abt ADHD with the dog metaphor#yeah amphetamines my beloved let me hold the leash rather than becoming a human dogsled to the whims of my psyche#actually i think i was rather uncharitable to my current dream mask normal pills#i just happened to get mega bitch burnout for 3 months and then spend 2 in the aforementioned peat bog where souls go to die#when not impeded by outside circumstances i think they actually are completely fine#maybe not QUITE as agressively effective as my previous prescription but the ritalin was str8 up harsh#i tried it again for a week and it made my heart beat like it was being powered by a caffienated hamster#but when i used to take it i was already experiencing Real paranoid gerbil anxiety so it just kinda blended in#i only noticed the Severe Health Issue i got bundled as a side effect#and i keep having to remind myself not to go rose-tinted abt how bad it rlly was in retrospect#do i just need to leave a sticky note on my mirror like 'hey dumbass that was NOT a net positive period of ur life'#lexi stfu challenge
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USING HOUSE'S WORDS AGAINST HIM YESSSSS THEY'RE SO FATHER DAUGHTER!!! YESSSS THIS IS HOW YOU DESTROY ANY CONVERSATION WITH YOUR DAD!!!!!
#houseblogging#because if he argues he realizes he's arguing with HIMSELF meaning HIS logic is flawed#so either he argues and proves you right or he shuts up and proves you right#i'm not a girl now but i was once upon a time. and my southern father had some solid logic of like#okay. so when i was baby i was given chocolate milk. my dad sat me down and told me if i wanted more and he was asleep just wake him up#and eventually i ran out and decided yeah i want more. my dad is asleep on the couch#smack him with all of my three year old force directly on the face#he couldn't even get mad. yeah it hurt like hell but even today he's like well. i said to wake me up and you did just hat so#i hesitate to say i ever had arguments with my dad like that but we'd counter a lot of points in conversation when i'd be with him for#the weekend#he also let me believe the world was gonna end in 2012 because he himself couldn't guarantee it WOULDN'T happen#so. this is father and daughter behavior to me. what house and thirteen are displaying in this ep
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i love it when shit happens in my life that dredges up old wounds and coincidentally im re-experiencing the media i intrinsically link it to cause then i get to remember exactly why i love it and find it so meaningful all over again. there's a fucking reason ill always say Berserk [& RGU] both came into my life at a perfect fucking time and holy shit they fucking resonated with me so hard and as much as life can suck ass and lovvves kicking me in the balls when ive just recovered from last time i a least get to remember how & why i love something so much.
#thebirdspeaks#ive been trying to make a coherent post about Berserk and specifically the duality of Casca and Guts as victims post eclipse#because there are issues but also it resonates so well with me regardless#i cant word it pretty but i think its something about Casca and Guts both being victims and responding in opposite ways#and because they are so tightly linked you can almost see them as one victim experiencing the duality of victimhood#as an internal struggle made into two separate people#i flip flop between who i relate to more in relation to my own trauma#and there is plenty to criticize with the writing choices around Casca dont get me wrong#but as much as people criticize her mind breaking and turning into a shell of herself that needs constant help as something entirely negati#i sure as fuck was not given that space and care to be broken#its very nuanced but i think so few people write victims sympathetically that as much as turning into a mess can appear overdone#being cared for and given space and help and being allowed to be a burden is a powerful thing#and i find the expectation to be strong in the face of what you went though is much more common and damaging to me#anyway as many issues as i have i think Casca being allowed to be a victim as much a she was is why i love Berserk so much and while i thin#it could be better if some things were changed#but im not sure if it would have hit as hard and meant as much to me when i was wobbling between mindless rage and want for revenge#and just being broken and tired and weak and scared#reading Guts protect Casca like he did#showed me that that part of me could protect and is better off channeling the mindless rage into protecting whats important to me and what#needs it#letting me demand protection and love and sympathy for my weakest self in my darkest hours#i know im far from objective & my opinions are not universal#but the fact Casca is allowed to be a victim so fully and not just a hashtag girlboss who struggles her way out#well i wouldn't call Guts a girlboss but actually i think that's why it worked.#because between the two they cover the two ends of the common depictions of victimhood: forced to stay strong and allowed to be weak#anyway im about to hit tag limit i love you f you read this far and if you think this is horseshit then please don't say#if you think im right and sexy about it pile the love on meee<3
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