#let yourself grieve

[misc-obeyme]

Tbh I feel so defeated, I barely started to form part of the fandom and got to know about obey me 5 months ago at my lowest point. I started using tumblr more also because as an artist the obey me fandom started having my back and I felt so good on a fandom for the first time in forever even when we are few

I am neurodivergent and change is scary, I had alredy got used to the comfort of whatever wrong thing and traumatic stuff I’m living rn happens it was okay because at least I had OM to comfort me. But now I feel a little too lost. I never even got to the latest lessons :( it just feels off. I want to believe their word when they say this isn’t them putting an end altogether but the wording is even more off “this isn’t the last of the devildom” could open up to spin offs??? But how about the main story? The Simeon arc? Everything BKDHKDHD 😞

I totally understand how you feel, anon. While I don't think this came out of nowhere, it feels like it did. And I've always felt that our fandom has such a nice and welcoming community. Sure there are some toxic peeps, those exist in every fandom. But I've encountered far more kind people here. And people get excited when a new artist or writer joins the fandom because we're happy to see more content of our faves!

I know it's scary, but I don't think the fan content part of things will change any time soon. All I've seen is people saying they plan to continue creating for the characters and story they love. They aren't shutting down the app immediately, so you can still play the lessons you haven't gotten through, too.

I wish I could say I knew more about where they're headed next, but the way they said it was vague enough that I just have no idea. Some people are speculating that a third app is in the future. I've seen people talking about an anime, too. It's hard to say what will come next.

However, I will say there is still quite a lot of fan content out here. The apps have been around since 2019 and there is a lot of fan art and fics that are from the last four-five years. I know I'm always finding stuff from 2020 and 2021 that I never saw because I didn't join right at the start. Fandoms often last much longer than their source material.

[ranaeley]

The first fifteen minutes of my day:

Wake up.

Ask my mother what the election results are.

Cry with my mother for the next ten minutes over the election results.

Get out of bed.

Immediately pass out for the first time in months.

[backjustforberena]

I wonder if any of them knew it was all for her.

[stormbros]

This isn't a theory or anything, just based on vibes alone. If Bells Hells do happen to seek out other prime deities for guidance or boons, the Moonweaver would be so juicy for Dorian...

[no-song-so-sweet]

I want to talk about Harry Potter.

Well. Sort of. I want to talk about Harry Potter in a roundabout way, in that, I want to talk about the reaction my friend group had when shit started really going down with That Bitch Rowling.

Because Rowling is a horrible person. She’s a TERF, a denier of Nazi Crimes, homophobic, anti-Semitic, the list goes on and on (and most recently, has been attacking a trans soccer manager, if my dash is to be believed? Somehow, she just seems more cartoonishly evil with each passing day). But this isn’t about That Bitch Rowling, not really. Or if it is, she’s merely a footnote in the story.

Harry Potter was, and I think this is true for many of us, a large part of my childhood. While the writing may be mediocre at best, it was wildly influential. I didn’t know a single kid that wasn’t hoping for a letter to Hogwarts. It was a Big Deal for a lot of people, and that included my friend group. My friend group, which is made up of members of the LGBTQ+ community. My friend group, which includes a young lady who we didn’t always know was a lady. I’m sure you can see where this might be going.

The day I got a tear filled phone call about That Bitch Rowling was, frankly, heartbreaking. She was mad because a woman she had respected up until now didn’t respect her. She wanted to get rid of her copies of the books, but didn’t want to donate them. I never want to hear her cry like that again. So I made a decision.

I told her to hold onto her books for just a little while longer. I phoned the group. I figured out when everyone could get together for a weekend, and when I had hammered out dates, I packed up my car, and drove the six hundred miles back to my childhood home.

In the passenger’s seat, was my set of Harry Potter books.

Excluding my trans friend, there were seven of us. I had made a plan, and my father had the space to enact it - I grew up on acres of land; complete with 200 year old oak tree, creek in the woods in the backyard, and a massive fire pit.

Nostalgia and youth, I find, paint everything with a rose tinted hue; if Rowling had just kept her mouth shut, I’m sure many of us would have looked back on the Harry Potter series with some amount of shame. But I don’t think it would have suffered the sort of fall from grace that led us to this point.

The fire pit is important for several reasons. For example, it had been the popular gathering place for my friend group of literal decades at this point. Small towns mean that you know everyone from a very early age. We lived right beside the woods, so we used the fire pit to burn the leaves, and the branches storms took down, of which there were many. And when the first six of my friends rolled down the half mile driveway that day, I had already collect enough wood to get a decent fire going.

Six of my friends. We told the seventh a later time. We wanted to be prepared, and anyway, we all had the same cargo (six sets of seven books joined mine on a rickety folding table). I put them to work collecting more firewood (is it really a good bonfire if you’re not risking setting the barn on fire?).

By the time our last member rolled up, I had a fire going.

She had her set of those damn books too.

(There is a visceral grief that comes from being let down by your childhood heroes, and I fully believe that That Bitch Rowling embodies the phrase “never meet your heroes,” because folks, as a general rule, I am not a fan of burning books. But I was prepared to make an exception.)

We burned our copies of the Harry Potter books that day, all eight of us. They were well read, beaten to hell and back, with cracked spines, and dents in corners, and pieces of the pages missing where we had bent down the corners one too many times. And I won’t lie to anyone. We cried. Tears of sorrow and rage, for the piece of our childhood that we were choosing to give up, because to keep it would be to disrespect the woman we had known and loved for longer than we’d ever had those books.

Letting go sucked. But it was the right thing to do.

When they were gone, we put out the fire, went inside, and built the pillow fort of our dreams. We marathoned Star Wars, and ordered too many pizzas, and had way too much soda. We fell asleep playing Risk, because that’s what our friend choose, and in the morning, I made waffles with chocolate chips and too much maple syrup.

I wanted to talk about this, not just because this is a fond memory for me (even though it is), but because one of my coworkers confessed to me that they hated Rowling, and everything she stood for, and they refused to have anything else to do with the Harry Potter franchise, but they just couldn’t bring themselves to get rid of the books.

I said I was happy to host another book burning.

But I wanted to write this down because I know that sometimes it’s hard to take that final step, to leave behind that last thing. So for anyone who needs to hear it, it’s okay to grieve the things we loose when we grow up. Letting go can be hard, but I promise you’ll end up better off. It’s been awhile since things really went downhill, but I maintain that, in this case, death of the author is nonexistent, and it is better to have loved and then lost, than to hold on too tight.

Don’t hurt yourself on the shattered remains of your childhood magic.

[dollya-robinprotector]

I know I have a habit of always keeping things to myself… But why am I still surprised when people don’t know what I know?

[ghostguitar]

i thought this show was a comedy why do i keep crying

[seeinganewlight]

you deserve to be happy. remember to fight for that

[angy-grrr]

I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd

This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions

[naranjapetrificada]

For those of y'all really excited for a hypothetical Ed Does Some Healing While Isolated In Nature arc, I highly, highly, highly recommend the fic Fallow Land & Bigger Sky, which fucked me up and healed me in ways I didn't know I was or could be broken. The vibes are more pastoral than castaway, but Ed is still given time and space to do the work he needs to do in rugged, isolated surroundings so it still scratches that itch for me. And that's beyond how incredibly poetic and gorgeous the writing and imagery are and how deep and satisfying of a character study it makes for, which alone merit the read.

I know I talk too much on here about my relationship with this show and therapy but my therapist (who watched the show) actually asked me to go through and identify some of the things that made this fic so profound for me, and now we're having to have itchy and uncomfortable conversations about shit like isolation and community and personal narrative that feel like they'll lead to important growth provided I can hold my nose and get through them 🫣

Whatever we do end up getting on the show will if course be its own thing that will probably crack so many of us open in new and terrifying and exciting ways we were never expecting, but until October 5th gets here you might find this fic to be a valuable use of your fic-reading time. I will never be able to put into words how thankful I am for the chance to experience it.

[small addendum: if you also find yourself interested in any possible "reborn on a beach" theories you'll find some of that in this fic too! it really could be a good way to cope while we wait for more stuff to come out.]

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

[soaps-mohawk]

i just separated with a long time toxic friend. it was a long time coming and i don’t regret it in the slightest. still going to reread CRCB to recover tho🙃

Noooo I'm so sorry 😭 Unfortunately I know what that's like, and while it may hurt right now, you'll feel so much better in the long run. It was the right choice, even though it might not feel like it and it hurts like a bitch. It was very brave of you to step away though, especially since you were able to recognize that they were a toxic person.

Happy to provide you a little comfort right now, though 💚💚

[shiawasekai]

I cannot sleep in an hotel room so I'm reading instead.

This is How To Badly Cope With Stress And Grief, the Showcase.

[willowbranches]

hello internet aliens, presumably of earth

cyberspace freaks me out but im trying to lean into everything i imagine it could be, like a place to meet fellow zine lovers and introvert punks and wandering idiots.

ive been living in my apartment for approximately 1 year, which is longer than ive lived anywhere since i was a child. im getting that feeling again to get rid of everything i own and hitchhike into the middle of the country. its like a static at the base of my feet that stays there even on my most sleepless nights when i walk in circles over all the bridges in the city.

i just turned 25 & can only describe the experience as a dilated sense of time compression, the swelling of every moment gone by in a blink once it’s passed, the way i didnt realize i had written hundreds of pages this year that all attest to a vague and generalized insanity.

in this age of commodification i think that i shouldnt give zines away for free or that i should publish all my musings (tucked away in a corner of google drive in comic sans so i remember language is all invented), but i think this right here is all i have the strength to do. i cant post anything in the void without thinking of the parasitic nature of the corporations that profit off my free creative labor, but i like you freaks.

this whole ‘existing in material terms’ seems too large to do without screaming into some kind of underwater.

going to go to the library now and hope any eyes who see this can know that the burdens of mortality are shared, and i outstretch a hand to you, fellow traveller.

peace to the living, eternal rest to the dead

-z

[m00ngbin]

Ohhhh I hate greys anatomy they're all SO. HORRIBLE.

[honeybubbledivination]

You’re allowed to grieve things, people, and situations you’ve had to let go. Some of those may not have been taken when you were ready, but you do yourself a disservice and you do the memory of what you loved most a disservice by letting it eat you alive. Part of shadow work is confronting grief, as you must peel back the layers of yourself and look within to find the weights you’re allowing to hold you down. Your love for yourself and your freedom should be above all else. Do not allow anything to control you. Start seeing your emotions as visitors in your home rather than permanent fixtures. You’re allowed to free yourself from guilt and grief and shame. You’re allowed to be angry and upset and distraught. But, do not get comfortable there. Remember who you truly are to your very core and not what ego is trying to manipulate. You’re a soul having a human experience. Take everything you can with ease. You will get through this, you are brave. You are worthy. You are beautiful. You, like every creation in our galaxy, are specifically crafted for what is happening in our lives right now. Never doubt for a moment that you are not important in the balance of our existence. Love, light, and God Bless You. If anyone needs to talk, dm me! I’m all ears, busy bees! I promise you are important!

- Bunny 💛🍯