#let it go and tell a story in the way it needs to be told and once you release it you will get a 1000 stories back

[ovrgrwnivy]

CLASSIFIED ; spencer reid

synopsis ; a sleepy morning turns into spencer falling over himself to get to work on time, forgetting his badge behind him.

includes ; spencer reid x fem!reader, kissing, getting interrupted by the bau, secret relationship

sunlight flittered through your blinds, heat radiated off your boyfriend who laid beside you, his arm draped over you as he slept peacefully. you card your fingers through his hair, unintentionally stirring him from his sleep.

“oh, i’m sorry baby” you apologise, voice soft in an attempt to keep him from waking up any further “go back to sleep.”

it was a rare day off for spencer, by your second date he’d told you he was in the bau, by your fifth you had gotten used to work tearing him away. but despite the annoyance, you had gotten used to it. you understood his job was important, you understood that evil wouldn’t take a break just so you could keep your boyfriend all to yourself.

when you asked him how personal time worked, he admitted to you that his team didn’t know he had a girlfriend. it stung a little, but when he explained that his job would be putting you at risk it softened the blow.

you’d heard the horror stories, how his boss’s wife was killed just so the unsub could get to him, about another girl who had been shot simply for being an agent.

it sucked, but you understood why, at least for now, spencer didn’t want to broadcast you all over the office.

“don’t wanna,” spencer mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss to your shoulder as he blinked his eyes open “don’t wanna waste my one day off.”

you couldn’t help the small smile that appeared when he said that, days off may be hard to come by but spencer made sure you were the sole focus for every second of them.

he propped himself up on his elbow, his other hand tightening its grip on your waist to pull you closer “c’mere, pretty”

his sleepy voice makes the words sound even better as you lazily wrap your arms around his neck, your fingers toying with the hair at the back of his head.

he presses a lazy kiss to your lips, which quickly spirals into something deeper. his hands grip at your waist, desperate, like he was afraid that if he loosened his grip you’d disappear.

trails of nips and kisses are dragged along your neck as he moves to hover over you, your breathing is shallow, fingers tightening in his hair as his hand slides over the surface of your stomach, fingers tracing along the hem of your underwear.

“fuck,” spencer mumbles, long fingers slipping under the fabric agonisingly slowly “you look so pretty, baby, so pretty under me.”

you let your eyes fall closed, his mouth still attached to your neck as his fingers ghosted across your skin.

until his phone rings, eliciting a frustrated groan from you both. you watch as he reluctantly reaches for it to see who’s calling. you don’t need to ask, his irate expression tells you it’s work.

“yeah?” his tone is blunt, uncharacteristically so but you can’t exactly blame him “what? no, i’m not supposed to be — right. fine.”

he doesn’t need to explain what’s going on, you already know by the way he jumps out of bed and hurriedly starts getting ready to head into work.

it’s immature, you know, but you can’t help but cross your arms in annoyance as you watch him bolt back and forth around the room.

“sorry, baby.” spencer sighs, easily reading the mixture of frustration and disappointment in your expression “i’ll make it up to you, promise.”

you hum in agreement as he presses a kiss to your forehead, promising to call you when he could before disappearing out of the room, and in turn, your apartment. you stay in bed a little longer, feeling sorry for yourself and worrying about your boyfriend at the same time.

the floor is a mess, both yours and spencer’s clothes strewn around as well as decorative pillows and comforters. as you begin picking clothes up from the floor, your eyes fall on a small, rectangular piece of leather hidden under a pair of socks.

spencer’s badge.

you gnaw on your bottom lip, conflicted on what to do. by now spencer would already be at the office, calling him to come back would cut important time from his schedule. but without it he’d be in trouble.

you needed to bring it to him without airing his personal business to the entire building, which is how you ended up signing in as a visitor who was here to meet with agent derek morgan.

the only name you heard from spencer that you could remember confidently.

a serious looking woman showed you the way to the bau office, your fingers nervously drumming on the leather cover of the badge as you headed up the elevator.

all hope was lost once you stepped out, two glass doors showcasing the expanse of the office filled with people shoulder deep in whatever they were working on.

you look around the hallway like a deer in headlights, unsure if you could just walk in or if you could just give the badge to someone else to pass on to spencer.

“you okay!?” a cheerful blonde approaches you, seemingly from nowhere. arms stacked with files and carrying a coffee cup at the same time.

“uh,” you’d feel guilty adding to her workload “do you need a hand?”

mentally you face palm, cursing yourself for your lack of social skills in the simplest of situations.

“please!” the woman gasps, the ceramic mug wobbling in her hand “hotch is going to kill me if i spill coffee all over his case. i already told him ‘mister hotch sir, it would be easier to go digital’ but nooo.”

you laugh softly, taking the mug from her unstable hand and tugging open the door for her.

surely you could enter with someone who was actually allowed in the office.

“follow me!”

she’s speeding ahead, a woman on a mission, up the steps and into what seems like a conference room. you trail behind apprehensively, not wanting to get either of you into trouble by just swanning in.

“if there’s any dismembered bodies or general badness on the screen i swear to god!” she warns, rounding a corner and disappearing into the room.

you hang back awkwardly, partly because you have no business in there but mostly just in case there was any dismembered people on display.

“you’re all good!” her head pops around the corner and she motions for you to come in, so you do.

there’s barely time to register your surroundings, a circular table with a group of people sitting around it. you spot spencer instantly, you don’t even attempt to guess who everyone else is.

his head is buried in a case file, so your presence is unknown to him. which isn’t a surprise considering you’re not meant to be in the building let alone the office.

“garcia, we talked about this.”

a stern voice comes from a tall, serious looking man. you didn’t need to be a genius to work out he was most definitely spencers boss.

“right.” the woman, garcia, presses her mouth into a thin line as she gently takes the mug from your hands “do you know where you’re meant to be, lovely?”

“oh, uh, here actually.”

as you retrieve the badge from your back pocket, spencers head snaps up at the sound of your voice. his eyes widen slightly and a small smile makes its way onto his face.

“hey, what are you doing here?”

his question catches you off guard, even more so when he gets to his feet and moves around the table towards you.

wordlessly, you hand over his id, the perfectly rehearsed excuse of finding it at a cafe stuck in your throat now that spencer had made it known you weren’t a stranger.

“how did i — thank you.” his smile widens slightly, his hand resting on your waist briefly as he pressed a thankful kiss to your temple “i’ll call you on the plane, okay?”

you knew he wasn’t trying to brush you off, but he was evidently busy and you had no actual reason to still be here.

you nod, face warming up when he gives you another quick kiss before you go, sending a tiny smile and a brief wave towards the rest of the team.

as you gently shut the door behind you, you aren’t quick enough to miss the questions thrown in spencers direction. even laughing softly at garcias exclamation of “spencer has a girlfriend!”

[woso-story]

The Worry Of Love

Alexia Putellas x Reader

The morning light streamed into the bedroom, soft and golden, but you barely noticed it as you stirred awake. Instinctively, your hand reached out to the other side of the bed, seeking the familiar warmth of Alexia. Instead, your fingers found cool sheets. You blinked, reality setting in: she was away at an away game, and the bed felt far too big and empty without her.

You lay there for a moment, letting the loneliness creep in. It was such a cliché to feel incomplete when Alexia wasn’t around, but that’s how it was. She had a way of filling the silence, of making everything feel right. Without her, the apartment seemed eerily quiet.

Eventually, you forced yourself out of bed, padding into the kitchen to make breakfast. The kettle hummed as you prepared your tea, the sound breaking the stillness. On the counter sat a little note Alexia had left before she left for her match:

“Good luck surviving without me, cariño ;) Te amo! Be good. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

Her familiar handwriting brought a smile to your face. You missed her, but you knew she was doing what she loved. Still, you couldn’t help but count down the hours until she’d be back.

---

With the entire day ahead and no work responsibilities, you decided to spend it doing things you loved. After breakfast, you pulled your bike from the storage room, deciding on a long, leisurely ride. The fresh air would do you good, and the thought of a quiet ride through the countryside lifted your mood.

The roads were peaceful, the occasional rustle of leaves the only sound besides the rhythmic hum of your tires. You cycled lazily, admiring the view: sprawling fields, trees swaying in the gentle breeze, and the golden glow of the late-morning sun. You felt lighter, as though the world had slowed down just for you.

But in a single moment, everything changed.

You weren’t sure what exactly happened—one moment, you were gliding along, and the next, you were sprawled on the ground, your bike tangled beside you. Pain radiated from your wrist as you sat up, dazed and confused. You cradled your arm, wincing as the throbbing intensified.

A passerby rushed over, concern etched on their face. They helped you to your feet, offering to take you to the hospital. You insisted you were fine, but the pain told a different story. Reluctantly, you agreed.

The hospital visit was a blur of x-rays and sympathetic nurses. The doctor confirmed what you feared—a fractured wrist. They fitted you with a cast, and though the injury wasn’t serious, it left you frustrated and deflated. This wasn’t how you’d imagined your day going.

---

Back home, you sank into the couch, staring at the cast. You’d planned a full day—shopping, relaxing, watching Alexia’s match—but now, all you had was a stiff wrist and a story you didn’t want to tell.

You thought about calling Alexia. But no, she didn’t need to know. She had a big game tonight, and the last thing you wanted was to distract her. You could already picture the worry in her eyes, the guilt she’d feel for not being there. It wasn’t worth it.

That evening, you settled in to watch her match. Despite everything, seeing her on the pitch brought a smile to your face. She was a force of nature, commanding the game with her usual grace and determination. Her team secured a hard-fought victory, and pride swelled in your chest.

Later, your phone buzzed with her call.

“Hola, mi amor,” she greeted, her voice bright with excitement. “Did you see the game?”

“Of course,” you replied, forcing cheerfulness into your tone. “You were incredible. Congratulations!”

“Thank you! How was your day?” she asked, her voice softening.

You hesitated, the truth on the tip of your tongue. But then you remembered her face when she worried, the way her brows knitted together, how her focus shifted entirely to you. You couldn’t do that to her—not tonight.

“It was good,” you said instead. “Quiet, but nice. I missed you, though.”

“I missed you too,” she murmured. “Just one more night, and I’ll be home.”

You ended the call with a bittersweet smile, guilt tugging at you.

---

The next day, you were on the couch when you heard the sound of keys in the door. Alexia was finally home. You looked up as she walked in, her bag slung over her shoulder, exhaustion evident in her posture.

But her fatigue vanished the moment her eyes landed on your cast.

“What happened?” she demanded, rushing over to you. Her hands hovered over the cast, unsure whether to touch it. “Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You sighed, explaining the accident as simply as possible. Her expression shifted from shock to worry, and then to frustration.

“You should have told me,” she said, her tone a mix of scolding and hurt.

“I didn’t want to distract you,” you admitted. “I knew you’d worry, and it wasn’t a big deal.”

“Of course it’s a big deal,” she replied, her voice softening. “You’re hurt. I’d rather know, no matter what.”

Before you could respond, she was off, bustling around the apartment, gathering pillows, blankets, water, and snacks. Despite her exhaustion, she seemed determined to take care of you.

“Lex, stop,” you said eventually, tugging her down onto the couch beside you. “I’m fine. Just sit with me.”

She hesitated but finally gave in, leaning against you. “Do you need anything? Ice? Painkillers?”

“No,” you replied firmly, wrapping an arm around her. “The only thing I need is you.”

Her lips curved into a small smile, though the worry in her eyes didn’t entirely fade.

---

Over the next few days, Alexia’s doting reached new heights. She refused to let you do anything, from cooking to cleaning to even pouring your morning coffee. At times, her hovering was exasperating, but deep down, you knew it came from a place of love.

One morning, as you tried to make breakfast, she gently but firmly steered you back to the couch.

“Sit,” she instructed. “I’ll handle it.”

“Lex, I can manage one-handed,” you protested.

“Not when I’m here,” she countered, her tone leaving no room for argument.

Though her overprotectiveness occasionally drove you crazy, you couldn’t help but smile. It was moments like these that reminded you why you loved her so much.

And as she placed a plate of toast and eggs in front of you, pressing a kiss to your forehead, you realized that maybe being pampered wasn’t so bad after all.

[thechaoticcherub]

oooh i’m so excited you’re taking requests! can you do one where joel makes reader call him daddy a bunch? and just like…fiiiilllthy dirty talk 🤩

ah! A request!! Thank you!!!!

Say It

Pairing: Daddy!Joel x reader

Summary: No plot. Just fucking.

Warnings: 18+ please, daddy kink, fingering, begging, light smacking, mocking, humiliation, vague degradation, pet names, pussy pronouns, pussy smacking

Word count: 1.3k

Notes: I didn't really edit this at all and just kinda spewed it out! Enjoy!!!

Wanna read something specific for Joel Miller? Send me a request!!

“Say it,” Joel was holding your jaw in his hand and his voice was gentle but uncompromising. You looked up at him, your heart was racing. You desperately wanted to say it, there was a flood in your panties at the mere suggestion of it that proved that you wanted to. You were nervous though. Nervous to let go of control in such an intimate way.

  Joel’s thick fingers dug into your cheeks, “C’mon, sweet girl, I know you wanna say it…I can see that you’re drippin’ onto my floor.” Joels eyes darted down to between your legs. You were kneeling on the ground in front of him, completely naked, knees splayed out. Joel had guided you through removing every piece of clothing in front of him. 

Take your shirt off, babygirl, lemme see those tits. Now your pants, go on, don’t be shy, darlin’. Panties too. You’re makin’ a mess of ‘em anyway. 

You had shakily done as you were told and knelt in front of him while he stood before you, clothed, towering over you, imposing. That was when he suggested it and it knocked your breath out, not because it was really shocking but because you wanted it so bad. Joel had consistently told you what to do, called you ‘babygirl’, read you stories to fall asleep to, instructed you on how to pleasure him. The word seemed obvious but the subject had never been broached until now. You craved it. Joel had given a simple instruction but the word at the end had been something you had daydreamed about and he knew it. As you had sat, waiting for more instruction from him, naked and trying not to be ashamed of yourself Joel had smiled knowingly, his eyes roaming over you.

I want you to beg for it tonight, beg your Daddy. Your eyes had gone wide and all voice had gone out of you. You just stared up at him, leaking with need onto the floor. That was when he had grabbed your jaw and forced you to look up at him. Now he was looking down between your legs, bending slightly. 

“If you’re goin’ to drip like that, you’re goin’ to start doin’ what you’re told. Now say it.” He gave your jaw a little shake. 

“P-please, Daddy” You managed to squeak out. Joel crouched down in front of you so he was more level with you, his hand still holding your jaw. 

“Now, see here, Princess,” He started, studying your face. “I know you can beg better than that.” he said, his breath whispering across your skin, giving you shivers. “An’ I aint goin’ to tell you again.” He added. Joel’s free hand wandered up to your breast, his pointer finger traced around your nipple in a slow, lazy circle. Your whole body ticked upward, reaching towards the feeling of his touch. 

“Daddy, please, I need it. I need you to touch me, please, please I’ll do anything.” You let the words spill out of your mouth, trying not to think about how slutty you sounded or him. There was something so vulgar about being completely nude, on your knees, on display for him while he stood in front of you, flannel sleeves rolled up, belt buckle still closed, even his hunting knife was still tucked into a loop on his belt. 

Joel pursed his lips in mock sympathy, “Awww, babygirl…” he said, “Is she achin’ for her Daddy’s touch?” He asked. Your eyes fell down in shame as you nodded. Joel’s thick fingers tightened again, “Look at me,” he growled. You couldn’t force your eyes up to meet his stern, brown ones. His hand loosened on your jaw only to give your cheek a quick slap, “Babygirl, focus here, focus on your Daddy and do what you’re told.” He grabbed your jaw again, thumb pressing into one cheek and his fingers into the other. 

You forced your eyes up to meet his, Joel’s face softened slightly. “That’s my good girl,” He purred. His other hand reached down, “Alrigh’ I’m gunna touch that leaky pussy just to see how wet you are.” He informed you. You nodded and his hand went down between your spread knees and up to the lips of your pussy. 

“Holy hell, girl!” He laughed, “You’re soakin’,” You shuddered as Joel’s fingers stroked along your pussy lips. “Like I said, drippin’ all over my floor.” he cooed as his fingers languidly teased along your slit. 

“Daddy!” You whined, pressing your hips down. He pulled his hand away bringing it up in front of his face, looking at the mess all over his hand. 

“Uh-uh,” He shook his head. “You stay still, keep your eyes on Daddy, and get beggin’,” he instructed. Joel kept your jaw in his hand, holding you to make you  keep looking at him while he sucked your slick off of his fingers, relishing the taste, relishing that you were desperate for more. 

“Please, Daddy! I need your fingers in my pussy-”

“In your leaky, needy pussy, babygirl.” He corrected. You whined at the vulgarity but you knew you had to say it. 

“In my leaky, needy pussy! Daddy! Please! Daddy I want it!” You cried. Joel nodded,

“I hear ya, babygirl. I know.” he said, his finger traced one of your nipples again and then trailed down your tummy towards your pussy. Your stomach twitched, your pussy clenched. 

“Please! I just… need it so bad, Daddy! She’s aching, Daddy!” You felt a sob forming in your throat. Joel let out a throaty chuckle, his finger tickled over your pubic bone. 

“You love callin’ me Daddy, dont ya?” he asked. You nodded vigorously. “Words. And eyes on me, babygirl.” he said. 

“Yes! Yes Daddy! I love calling you Daddy!” Your eyes met his and he nodded slowly as his finger dibbed into your slit. He started to circle your clit and you knew you would be a goner soon. 

“You like giving up all your control to your Daddy?” he asked, leaning in towards you and pressing his forehead against yours, still crouched down, fingers circling your clit in a dizzying way. 

“Yes,” you whined, you felt your orgasm mounting inside you and you wanted to make sure you did everything right so he wouldn’t ruin your orgasm. The circles around your clit tightened, you clenched, longing for more but unable to ask for it with how focused you were on chasing your orgasm. Your breath burned through you, your cunt was twitching and you could feel your clit twitching under his finger. You needed to come, you could feel tears in your eyes as his finger stroked your closer and closer. Your knees shook under you and you let out a long whine of need,

“I can feel that pretty pussy is close, aint it?” Joel asked. You nodded. “Ask Daddy if you can come.” he instructed. 

“Please, Daddy, can I come? Please! I’m so close…it’s…please!” You tried to hold off, you tried to wait until he told you you could but his thick fingers stroking around and around your clit, swiping over it occasionally were relentless and you couldn’t hold off any longer. Your orgasm shook through you and it was clear he felt you coming as you clenched on nothing. You bit your lip to keep from crying out as the orgasm washed over you and you rolled your hips against his fingers. Joel rubbed your clit through it until you were shaking,

“Fuck,” He groaned, “You are…in a lot of trouble, little miss.” He chastised. Before you came down completely from your high, his thick fingers smacked your overly sensitive clit and you squealed, nearly collapsing. You pressed your knees together and sat back on your feet.

“Uh-uh, you’re aint gettin’ away that easy. Lie back, spread your legs for Daddy. I gotta punish you.” Joel’s voice was gruff and strained and your heart sped, 

“No, Daddy! I’ll be good! I’m sorry!” You whined. 

“I hear that you’re sorry but that ain’t good enough.  Daddy’s going to make sure that pussy is sorry for coming without permission. Lay back. Legs spread. Now.”

[revelboo]

Hey Revel, would it be okay to request an one shot fluff of Fort Max comforting reader after a really bad night?

Sure! He’s on my request list, just haven’t gotten to him yet

Fort Max Scenario- Nightmares

Fortress Maximus x Reader

• Again. Can hear you tossing and turning in your little nest. Spark constricting when you make a soft, pained sound. Hurting and this isn’t an enemy he can fend off. And it’s almost every night now, your sleep haunted by something you refuse to share with him. Running a hand over his face, he slides off his berth and crosses the room. You’re curled into a tight little ball, trembling and you gasp when he carefully picks you up blankets and all. “It’s me. Max, remember?” He soothes when you thrash in his grip, his voice making you settle even though he can still feel your heart racing against his servos.

• Shivering, you can’t look him in his red optics as he carries you back to his berth and lays down, settling you and your blankets on his chassis. “I woke you again.” Embarrassed, you curl on your side so your back is to him, because you can’t meet those worried optics right now. “Sorry.” Can still feel the vestiges of the nightmare, the fear so visceral you can’t breathe even now. Wanting to curl up and just cry, but knowing that will upset him more. The urge only increasing when he cautiously runs a servo over your head. The big guy trying so hard to take care of you. To fix what was already broken.

• Uncomfortable with handling you, afraid you might think that he thinks you’re a pet, not a person, it’s the only way either of you will get any rest. Any time you have those dreams, you’ll just toss and whimper all night long unless he intervenes. “My friend, Red, has trouble recharging,” he murmurs. Red Alert’s paranoia disturbs his recharge. He has no idea what bothers yours. You refuse to tell him. “Told me he has this little ambient noise loop going and it calms him right down.” Tiredly telling you stories about Red Alert and rubbing his servo between your shoulder blades until your heart calms. Until you relax against him.

• “Thank you,” you mumble, cheek on your arm as you listen to his deep voice and the hum of his spark. Letting your big protector banish the fear. Because nothing can touch you while he has you, even if there’s guilt for accidentally waking him. For not being strong enough to lie to him that you’re fine. Not that he ever complains about you annoying him, just patiently dealing with your issues without prying. Without telling you that you’re the problem.

• “Of course.” Rumbling softly to you when you yawn and close your eyes. Knows you’ll sleep peacefully now. You always do. Hadn’t wanted to presume or pressure you, but maybe you should just sleep on him from now on if it calms you. Doubts you’d ever ask him to let you, but you might feel better about it if he asks you. Besides, he’s getting used to your warmth, the feel of your heartbeat and the sound of your breathing. “I have you.” Misses them when you try to sleep alone. Getting to where he needs to be able to feel you there to rest just like you need him.

[truelovepolinator]

State of the Ship Address: Where we stand after the Hard Launch

Well, this has certainly been an interesting week, hasn’t it?

Last Saturday, I was the happiest of shippers, sharing why I’m so sure it’s Luke. By Wednesday, I was sharing my thoughts on why Nicola’s “just a friend” comment was nothing to worry about. Yes, truly, Nicola’s comment was a hit to the ship. A very palpable hit. Yet, we sailed on. Then on Thursday, well, the ship very nearly sunk with Luke’s Hugo Boss “hard launch” of Antonia. Nearly.

There’s one thing I’ll say I know for sure. Nicola knew she was getting that question about fans wanting her to marry Luke and she had her answer prepared. I have no doubt about that. In all likelihood, her people asked him to ask that question. Otherwise, it’s out of the box for that kind of industry/awards promotion interview. It’s not an interview for the fans, it’s for the voters. She WANTED to dispel the idea that she and Luke might have fallen in love on set because that perception would hurt her chances at the SAG Awards.

There’s no question that Nic and Luke decided together that the time had come to send an armed nuclear torpedo into the ship for once and for all. And so, they did. Indeed, it’s only thanks to our wits, grit, and some very skillful maneuvering that we managed to keep the ship from sinking to the bottom of the ocean. We may be taking on water, but we’re bailing it faster, and we’re still afloat, if only just.

This does not, however, mean that I’m ignoring what they’ve said this week. On the contrary, I’m paying very, very close attention. I’m paying attention not only to their words (or in Luke’s case, the story he’s telling with that hard launch), but also to the subtext, the backstory, the character histories, and the outtakes. I’m paying close attention both to what they’ve told us and to what they haven’t.

I’m thinking about every bit of it. I am, by nature, very analytical. In the Lukola intelligence community, I’d say I’m more of an analyst than a detective. I don’t go out there gathering information (tracking every tag, monitoring friends, family, adjacents, finding old, hidden content, etc.). I don’t even know how to get metadata from Instagram. I’d be grateful if someone could tell me.

But when the detectives bring me evidence, I analyze the hell out of it. There are great detectives out there, but that’s not my skillset. I’m great at sitting at my desk and studying the evidence presented to identify patterns, interpret clues, and assemble those clues into a watertight case.

I thought that’s what I had, a watertight case. And you need your case to be watertight when you’re sailing these rough seas, right?

Then this week, Nicola and Luke decided to tell me my case had fallen apart, and to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel. I’m not as devastated as I thought I might be. I think that’s because I’m still not sure I believe them. They’ve both told us the same thing this week, that they are absolutely, positively not together. They’ve told us in no uncertain terms. And I always thought I would believe them if that time came. And yet, there’s something just a little too suspicious and convenient about the timing for me to trust it entirely. It doesn’t quite pass the smell test.

To be clear, I’m not saying I definitely don’t believe them. I think it’s very possible they’ve told us the truth this week and we simply have to live with it. We have to shift our ship back to “endgame” mode, and out of “happening now” mode.

In some ways, this would be a relief. If I actually accepted that they are not together at all at this point, I could begin to let them go. If I don’t see their launch coming, why hang around? The wait for endgame could be eons. I love them together, but I could do a hell of a lot of other things with my time in the meantime. Why do I need to follow and discuss their every move if it’s not headed to the only result I care about? I could check out completely and let them do their thing.

I’ll watch Bridgerton, and their other work when it looks interesting, and otherwise peace out. I don’t have to be “a fan” to enjoy their work. I have loads of favorite actors whose work I love, and I follow very few of them on socials. I could simply shift NicLuke into that category and move on.

I don’t actually have to care so much about them. All this parasocial bs takes a lot of time and energy, and while that investment of time and energy is good for them because we keep them in the public discourse, it’s not necessarily the highest, best use of our time for ourselves, is it? I could just let it go. We could all just let it go. Wouldn’t that be a relief?

The problem is that I do care about them. They got us hooked during that World Tour and now we’re invested. I’m invested. I’ve put a lot into them and I’d like a return on my investment, thanks. I want to see them happy. Together. I want to see them happy together. Many of us do. So, what if we don’t get that?

Well, I’ll come back to that question. But right now, I’m more interested in the question of WHY. Why did they decide now was the time to torpedo the ship? After all these months of weird, yet skillful combination of utter silence and semi-explicit hints and breadcrumbs. Why now, after a year of active shipping, seven full months after the WT ended, long after Bridgerton 3-month ratings were locked, why spontaneously this week? And why did they do it in such a coordinated way? The SAG nomination, yes, but is there more to it?

I have more theories and variations on theories than I can count. But here are the four key interpretations I want to explore.

It’s exactly what I said this week with Nicola’s interview and my quick post on Thursday. They are still together, with major life changes ahead, and Nicola is up for a SAG. They need more privacy than ever AND Nicola needs to distance herself from the “they fell in love on-set” narrative so that she can be taken seriously as the terrific actor she is, who acted her ass off in Season 3. She doesn’t want to be seen as someone who was only that good because she was “really falling in love.”

They’re genuinely not together, Luke is actually with Antonia (whether on-and-off or all along) and they decided to shut down the shipping now purely because it was impacting Nic’s SAG nomination (see 1 for details). Or maybe L also decided it was time to launch to take the invasive scrutiny off his family.

They’re not together, L is with A, and Nic knew he was going to take her to the HB event, so she prepared fans and pre-empted any “poor, rejected Nicola” perception by saying what she did during her interview.

They were together, and now it’s over (not mutually exclusive with 2 or 3).

You’ll notice none of these theories turn on Nicola’s hypothetical romantic relationship with Jake. This is largely because I have always said that simply isn’t a romantic relationship. And regardless, it’s not relevant to this week’s developments as the state of her relationship with Jake is unchanged from the past few months. That’s not a new factor in this week’s decision.

Obviously, number 1 above is my preferred explanation. It still continues to be the only explanation that makes sense of absolutely everything we’ve seen. INCLUDING Nicola’s words in that interview, and even Luke taking A to that event if you follow the logic of protecting themselves at a critical time both personally and professionally. It’s easy to forget all the extensive evidence pointing to this, but a review of my recent posts will refresh you. There is much to this saga that literally only makes sense if Lukola is real and the other apparent relationships are PR fakery/fuckery to keep our eyes off the truth.

However, this week, they have actively told us that is not the case. So, we owe it to ourselves to be emotionally and intellectually honest and to be open to the other possibilities as well.

Okay, so let’s talk about options 2 and 3. Both posit that Luke and Antonia are really together. Or at least casually dating. It is certainly possible that Luke simply wanted or needed a date to this event and Antonia is a casual date. Certainly, their body language is not particularly close or affectionate in most of the photos or videos. And A clearly does not calm Luke’s anxiety and event nerves like Nic always could and did. And they didn’t seem to hold hands naturally, nor did their arms around each other seem particularly close or natural in most of the photos and videos we saw. And yet, they did walk and pose arm-in-arm as a couple. No arguments there.

It has been widely noted that the Daily Mail story featuring Luke attending this event with his “girlfriend Antonia” was published mere minutes after the first event photos were published. And the story talked way more about A and her vague resume/background than about Luke. For all the world, it sure looks like this appearance was designed to give Ant a PR boost with a story pre-planted and ready to roll. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t together.

There is one video recorded inside that shows them in a different light. They seem to be enjoying themselves together, laughing, smiling, and talking close. However, there was loud music, it seems, so all talking needed to be close. We saw this when Luke talked to David Beckham as well. David was leaning in and Luke was talking directly in his ear, so clearly, volume was an issue. But he did have his hand on her back and she even copped a feel of his celebrated lukey newts butt. Yes, that video looked very couply indeed. Again, no arguments.

Did I like it? Of course not. Obviously, I hated it. I loathed it even. Do I wish the whole evening would crawl away and sink itself into the bottom of the ocean in lieu of our very leaky ship? Yes. But that video still exists, as does the other photographic and videographic evidence.  So, it’s irrefutable, right?

Almost. There is one thing that rankles a bit in that video. And indeed, about all the Luke & A stuff that came out so quickly. Literally, it all dropped faster than even the Beckham stuff, and Beckham was the host of this event. Why did it all hit so fast? Okay, sure, we already established it was at least partly planned PR for A. But why was that video so exclusively focused on the two of them specifically? What was the videographer doing shooting them from behind, ostensibly “in secret and candid,” for so long? Why so much footage (edited from pieces, therefore taken over time) of the two of them specifically, including that saucy, little butt grab?

If indeed this evening were intended to launch A with the explicit intentions of 1) blowing up the ship and 2) promoting A as the official girlfriend, then it’s not hard to imagine Luke’s PR handler/escort for the evening whispering a little encouragement in his ear. Something like, “It’s not really playing yet, you need to give it more. You two need to get cozy, amp it up, and we’ll get it on video.” Of course, it’s also entirely possible that this “canoodling inside” video was always planned as the final blow to seal the deal after the red carpet content hit.

And, to be fair, it’s also possible that they simply relaxed once they got inside and started having fun. If theirs is a real relationship, whether long-term, serious or a casual dating one, then that would make sense. But why were they so tense on the red carpet to begin with if they’re so close? Why did they look so uncomfortable? Either way, it seems someone had a very clear intention to capture “proof” of the relationship.

Now let’s shift gears and talk about Nicola briefly. Let’s start with this. Nicola is a terrific, gifted, hard-working actor. She deserves all the accolades. She’s worked hard to achieve the success she’s now enjoying and she sure as hell deserves her SAG Award nomination for her beautiful, delicate performance that was by turns moving, heartbreaking, heartwarming, and hilarious. She’s the real deal. And she’s unbelievably, ridiculously beautiful. To my eyes, many times more beautiful and sexier than the other woman who appears in this saga, for what it’s worth. That’s perhaps beside the point, but I wanted to throw it in anyway because what can I say? I’m feeling a little petty and in the mood to spit truths.

She’s also a woman with a right to privacy. And a woman with a career to maintain and grow. And an award nominee who’s campaigning for a win, knowing even if she doesn’t win, the nomination will open doors for her as long as she is taken seriously. And maybe, just maybe, a woman with big life changes coming up fast. I fully support her in doing what she needs to take care of herself and those she loves. And knowing what I know, having seen what I’ve seen, believing what I believe about her, I still believe she would absolutely do what she needs to do in this critical moment.

So, I’m just going to be honest and say I simply don’t know what to think at this point. I still believe number 1 above makes the most sense, both logically and emotionally. But… but… sigh.

There’s also another very real possibility, which is that Lukola has indeed been just as real as we all believe – and now, sadly, it’s over. I actually believe this could be a very real possibility, though this possibility breaks my heart most of all. But I think it’s distinctly possible that they tried and it just didn’t work out for any of the millions of reasons couples don’t make it all the time. Plus, as I’ve written about before, all the reasons they have extra challenges because of their lives and jobs. So maybe the shipping was sweet to them while the relationship lasted, but is painful now that it’s over.

I wish this didn’t feel so valid as a possibility, but it does. And this, too, would make sense of just about everything, unlike the alternate versions where the adjacents (or at least one of them) have been real partners all along. But who knows? As ever, none of us (and none of the Jakolas) knows them, so none of us will ever know anything for sure. Unless they one day decide to come clean.

I’m a big fan of the show Castle. Castle and Beckett, or “Caskett,” is one of a small handful of fictional couples that I have shipped with devotion. I LOVED Caskett and could not wait until they finally got together. The delicious tension, the longing, the near misses, the banter, the micro expressions that broke your heart. They were perfect together. Unfortunately, in reality, they grew to hate each other by the end, but onscreen, they were fire. I will never not love Caskett.

Lukola is my one and only real-world ship, and I will never not love them. Unless they really blow it with too much BTS fuckery. I feel as if they are continually jerking me around and playing games, and I’ve been A-OK with that as long as I knew where it was headed. I was willing to ride the waves of the choppy seas because I knew where the ship was sailing and I loved the destination. I didn’t begrudge them hiding behind PR fakery (or fuckery) because I had faith it was in the best interest of their careers, privacy, and more recently (once I settled into my personal opinion regarding the delicate matter), their family.

That may yet be the case. And if it is, I am 100% there for it.

But if it’s not, if Antonia ends up being a real relationship, that’s going to be very, very hard for me to accept. I’ll do my best to stay the course for Luke as an actor, but the side I see of him as someone dating her is not the same good guy he sold us on the tour. Not the same sweet Colin-alike that the cast has told us he is. Not the same perfect man Nic has told us he is. Because the choice to be with her – based on what I know of her (as well as her youth) — reflects poorly on him, in my opinion. I’m not sure about his “treatment” of her because there’s so much we don’t see and a lot of assumptions are made on that front. But simply based on who she has shown herself to be through her posts and the jobs she’s taken, I can’t respect the choice. I would accept him with many people who aren’t Nicola, but not her.

And my feelings about Nicola would also be dented because she’s posted so many of the crumbs that have (intentionally) kept me hanging on. And if, by some strange twist, she is dating Jake, well… I have a higher opinion of Jake than Antonia. I have no real issue with Jake. From what little I’ve seen of him speaking, he seems like a good kid, earnest about his work, maybe even sweet. But like Antonia, he’s so young. Setting aside aside all the other reasons I don’t believe they’re dating, he’s still 13-14 years younger than her, and just starting out while she’s sailing the heights. I have to be honest and say that the age difference and the power differential do make me uncomfortable.

Her relationships are still not my business. Nor are Luke’s. But as a consumer of media, I do get to have feelings about the people I stan and where I choose to devote my energies. As I said, Lukola has been my one and only ship. I’ve loved them individually as well, but if I’ve been played for a prolonged time, if they’ve been stringing me along with a fake ship, how can that not sour me on them as individuals?

So, yes, if these particular, adjacent relationships are real, my respect for each of them will take a hit. But they can date other people. I’ll get over it. I’ll be disappointed. I’ll think they’ve missed out because they clearly have something truly unique and special, maybe more unique than either of them realizes yet. I still believe they’ve gotten together at some point, but if they’ve now moved on, I’ll sigh and move on as well. And hope that one day, they find their way back to each other where they belong. That’s what endgame means, after all.

However, I will say again that I am not yet entirely convinced that the adjacents are anything more than I’ve long thought they were, decoys and distractions. Or that these latest hits to the ship (the mom comment, Nicola’s interview, and the “hard launch”) are anything more than ramped up efforts to camouflage the truth at a crucial time.

But the one thing that is crystal clear is that they want us to back the fuck off. Whether it’s out of a time-sensitive need for greater professional separation for career reasons (awards consideration chief among them) and greater privacy for family reasons… or because it’s actually true that they are not together at this time… either way, they’ve clearly decided to shut down the shipping this past week.

And this brings me back to Castle. If you know Castle, then you know there was a long-running throughline story about who murdered Kate’s (aka Beckett’s) mother. For years, Kate was obsessed with finding who was responsible and what happened, and more than once, that fierce dedication led her to go too far on the job. She’d stay on cases when she had a clear conflict, she’d hide things from her superiors, she’d go rushing into danger in a ruthless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, this behavior eventually led to a suspension even though she was the best detective in the precinct. But instead of accepting the suspension, Kate tossed down her badge and quit, because OBVIOUSLY, she was going to go right on investigating privately.

So, am I going to pull a Kate Beckett and charge forward, despite every warning, to investigate every lead until I get the truth? No matter what it costs to me or those I love (namely, Lukola)? Or will I sadly accept my suspension, hang my head, and take some time at home to catch up on my Netflix until the clock runs out? Hmm… Maybe, a little of both?

Here’s what I’m going to do. Keep watching. Keep collecting information, analyzing, and seeing how I think the picture most clearly takes shape. And I will keep sharing my thoughts with all of you.

But since they want us to back off, I will slow roll those observations. For my part (NPC that I am), I will politely take a step back and give them the time that I believe they need for certain very specific reasons. If they need folks like me to back off, then I will. At least for now. And I’ll see what the next couple of months bring.

At some point down the line, depending on how things shake out, I may feel comfortable going full force again with my thoughts and opinions. But right now, it’s my belief that there are things important enough that I’m willing to take a step back to support them, because my intention has only ever been to share my thoughts and bolster the spirits of my fellow shippers. Never to harm Lukola.

In the meantime, I won’t disappear entirely. I may blog a little less, and maybe shift a bit to lovely Polin. Or maybe I’ll end up blogging more with short, fun stuff in lieu of the analysis. Who knows? Got to keep busy somehow, at least unless or until I decide to step off the ship entirely.

Actually, now that I think about it, it may be time to rewatch Castle. At least I know Caskett will never let me down.

[kookochan]

Trust

You don't know why you feel this way towards him. Neither does he know. Maybe you need some time, maybe you need to spill some secrets.

Summary: What if Jungkook, the boy who does everything to annoy you, finds out some of your secrets? +18

student Jungkook x fem! student reader

(Private University & rich families)

warnings/content: cigarettes, use of drug (weed), sexual content (unprotected sex - do not, oral fem rec.,), violence (mentions of beating up someone), mentions of blood, family issues, alcohol

wc: 5,3K

༊*·˚

You're sitting on a bench in the middle of the park. Watching the moon and smoking a cigarette. The silence feels heavy, your thoughts going wild. You feel warm although it's freezing outside. Your grandmother's voice in the back of your head. 

"With every day that passes, you look more like your mother."

"She was a bitch who only wanted the money of my son."

"You wonder why I don't like you, but did you ever think about the fact that your own mother left you?"

"I will never see you as my family."

Every time you saw her, you had an argument. She never accepted the fact that you're her grandchild. The only one. You also had a lot of discussions with your dad about her attitude towards you, but he always told you that she is old. That she will never change, and it's too late to change her. You will never tolerate that. And that is the problem. Today she overstepped the line by arguing with you in the hallway of your house. The Jeon's sitting in the living room and enjoying the scene. At the end, it's a big no-go for your dad to have a family dinner without you. But you don't even care anymore. 

Opening the little metal box, you see that you only have one cigarette left. A sigh leaves your mouth. You hear some steps coming towards you; turning your head in the direction you see Jungkook's wide smile, you realize that the night will be longer than usual.

"You really are a little crybaby," he says with a teasing voice. You roll your eyes at him. "Fuck off". He sits next to you and looks around. It is funny because nobody is here. "I would rather fuck you," he says, voice a little lower. You choose to ignore him. He notices that you are shivering and puts his jacket over your legs in your short dress. You grab it to throw it back to him, but he is quick to stop you. 

"I'm not here to tease you this time. I overheard your conversation with your grandma and felt bad. Don't get me wrong; I'm not pitying you, but I can understand how you feel. It must probably suck," he tells you; this time his voice is more gentle. "You don't need to waste your time here. I will go back soon. Oh, and I hope you didn't expect to hear my story or whatever," you say. He nods, already prepared for this answer. 

You sit in silence with him for another thirty minutes. It's time for your last cigarette, but you can't smoke in front of him. He would definitely use it against you because, at the end of the day, nobody knows about it. "I will go back home. Have a good night, and thanks, I guess," you say while standing up and handing him his jacket. He quickly gets up too and walks with you. You turn towards him and frown, "Leave me alone, creep". His soft laugh fills the cold night. "You don't expect me to let you go alone at night, right?" he asks. 

The walk is silent but surprisingly peaceful. When the realization hits you, you stop in your tracks. "I can't go home. They are still there," you say and squat down. No, you will not show weakness, but you're ten seconds away from crying. To your surprise, Jungkook squats down next to you. "Hmm, you're right. Your dad is leaving tomorrow for a business trip, right? So how about turning back tomorrow?" he asks. You look at him, unsure if he wants to help or make fun of you. "Yeah. I will go to a hotel," you answer. "Nah, don't worry; you can stay at mine," he says and stands up. He reaches for your hand to help you. You don't bother to answer him, just following him to his house.

The door of his apartment closes behind you. It's funny that he gives you a place to stay. After all, your father and his father are hating each other. They are sitting at the same table just for work. And like them, you and Jungkook hate each other too?

"I will give you something from my closet," he says and goes to his bedroom with a walk-in closet. You sit down on his couch. The last time you were here was one month ago when you both argued about something Jungkook did, and the teacher thought it was you. Jungkook took the opportunity and acted like you were the bad guy. But the argument ended differently; it ended with him fucking you. And neither of you ever talked about that again.

Jungkook comes back with some clothes in his hand. "Here, wear these," he says while handing them to you. Maybe he wanted you to change in the bathroom, but you start to undress in front of him. His eyes watching you with sparkles. You put on the shorts and the shirt he gave you. Both a little bit bigger than expected. "Thank you for letting me stay," you murmur and sit down. He thinks that you look adorable with his own clothes on. "Are you hungry?" he asks. You shake your head in response.

"Can I have a pillow, please?" you ask him. The tiredness has a grip on you. "You can sleep on the bed," he says instead. "I don't want to," you answer right away. Laying down on the couch and turning your back on him. Your hair is messily on the couch, and he dares to play with some strands. You're really sleepy to notice anything, and it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep. He stands up and carries you to his bed. Making sure that you can sleep well.

The next morning is cold. You already left his house without a sound. Jungkook expected it already but felt strange anyway. He doesn't know why you're both acting this way, like hating each other. It's also confusing to him to call it 'hate' because what he is feeling is a lot different than that. At the end he decides to ignore all of it and goes to school.

•

"She is crazy. If she lived years ago, they would definitely call her a witch," Jimin says in utter disbelief. You laugh at that. "I really don't understand what she wants from me. Just let me live, you know?". He feels sad about your family drama and wishes he could do more for you. "But you said you slept somewhere else. Where?" he asks. "Don't judge me, but I was with Jungkook," you say a little shy about the confession. But yes, he dramatically turns his whole body towards you. "What the fuck? Why wouldn't you call me?" he says a little mad. "He heard everything and followed me when I left the house. It was already late, and I was like, Fuck it, I will go with him," you say. You don't care about Jungkook. "He will use that information," Jimin says and plays with your hair. "If he annoys you, tell me and I will talk to him. He listens to me well because he loves me," he adds. You laugh and hug him right away. "Everyone loves you," you tell him. You're happy to have a best friend like him. 

•

The uni day is hectic like always. It's not like old schools anymore because everyone is from a rich family and too serious to have actual fun. Sometimes you wonder why your family insisted on a private university. "I want to go home," Yuna says after a drag on the cigarette. Yuna was one of your closest friends, and now you're sitting on a bench hidden behind the building. You watch your own smoke leaving your mouth. "Same," you answer. At the same time, you hear a loud noise and turn in the direction. The source of the noise leads Yuna to stand up in panic and walk in the opposite direction. You roll your eyes at her. 

Jungkook is standing there with his phone and goes on with the recording. "I think your dad won't like this," he says with a grin. You take the last drag. "Stop filming me," you tell him, which he listens to. He walks over to stand right in front of you. You look up with an annoyed smile, "What do you want?". Jungkook grins at that and asks, "What can you offer?". It's a green light for you to tease him. Your fingers move from his chest to his belt. You can feel that his breathing changes. His eyes are watching you with lust. "A lot," you answer to the question some seconds ago. You start to move your fingers a little lower to feel him more. He puts a strand of your hair behind your ear. "You look pretty in this position," he tells you. "I know, and I also know that you want me to go on. Maybe in your dreams," you say with a low voice. You push his chest to stand up, and he laughs at that. "We will see," he says as you walk away.

•

The lunch break begins, and you are having a conversation with Jimin. "She could behave at school," someone says while looking towards you. "Why are they looking at us?" Jimin asks. Since you are sitting here, more people started to watch you. You have the feeling they're also talking about you. "What's the matter?" you ask a random boy. He looks a little shy but answers, "Someone said that you're smoking in the uni-blog on Twitter.". Oh, that's right; you really thought Jungkook would keep it for himself? 

"How did they know?" Jimin whispers. "Jungkook saw me today," you answer. These people will talk about it for some days, so it's not a big deal. Until you see a proud Jungkook waving at you. He wants to play, so you accept that.

The next tweet is about Jungkook and his failed love life. It's not a big thing but a good distraction from your scandal. I mean every girl is talking about him, but he never dated anyone. There must be a reason, right? Maybe a small dick. What you didn't expect was that he didn't give a fuck. He also laughed at the rumors and told some girls, 'I can show you if you want'. In summary, you hate him a lot. 

•

Jungkook turns off the water of his shower. He puts a towel around his waist and walks out of the bathroom. Already checking his notifications on Twitter. Everyone is talking about you and him. The combination is cute to him, so he lets out a chuckle. When he walks inside the living room to get to the kitchen, he freezes in his spot. It's dark inside, but he can see a figure sitting on his couch. He turns on the lights to see you sit there and look at him.

"What the hell. How did you get inside?" he asks. Jungkook is shocked for real. "I saw your passcode last time," you answer while tilting your head. The view is nice. His toned abs and some tiny water droplets on his skin. He knows that you're checking him out. "I will change and come back," he says, despite liking the attention.

After putting on some grey sweatpants and an oversized black shirt, he turns back to the living room. "Okay, what do you want? It must be urgent if you break into my house," he says. "First of all, are you Gossip Girl? Why would you say that to the uni-blog?" you ask him annoyed. "I thought it was fun. And why are you questioning me after doing it yourself?" he asks back. You roll your eyes. "I know that your little tweet is just the beginning. And I really don't want my dad knowing about it. So I want to find a solution," you say with a smile this time.

He looks at your lips. It's the first time that you're not forcing yourself to smile at him. And he definitely likes that. "Okay, let's find a solution. How about being friends?" he asks. "Oh, come on. That's what you suggest? You're the one who has been bullying me since the first day. Now you want to be friends?" you ask back. This time he rolls his eyes and adds, "We can try at least". You think for a while. 

Option one is that he is pretending to be interested in finding a solution. Option two is that he is thinking of something else, so he is acting right now. The last option is that he wants to try.

You hope it's the last option when you say, "Okay, let's try". He smiles at you and shakes your hand. At the same time, his eyes catch the paper bag on the coffee table. "Did you buy food for me?" he asks. "No, dumbass. I bought it for us," you say and sit down on the rug. Opening the bag, you put everything on the table so he can eat too. He watches every single movement you do, and he is happy that it's so peaceful. 

Both of you are sitting on the rug and eating while watching a movie. You talked a lot about the plot and the food. When the movie ends, Jungkook suggests drinking a little. He fills up some wine, and you start drinking in silence. "My father is cheating on my mother," Jungkook says all of a sudden. You look up to him. "What?". He shrugs. "Yeah. My mother knows, but because of the name of the family, she stays. That's also the reason why I'm living alone," he adds. "Why are you telling me this?" you ask. "To gain your trust," he answers. You nod at him. "I'm so sorry about that. I can imagine that you're mad at your mother for staying silent, but sometimes you can't change their minds. Try to be there for her anyway because she must be feeling lonely. She is old enough to make decisions," you say. 

There is a moment of silence. He grabs your hand and plays with your fingers. "Thank you," he says. This time he looks vulnerable and kind. You smile up at him only to see that he is already looking at you. The eye contact feels heavy but peaceful. When he gets closer, you close your eyes and feel his lips on yours. The kiss is so slow and intense that you need to hold on to his shoulder. He slides his tongue inside your mouth, which makes you moan. Pulling back, he whispers, "I need you close". It's a sign for you to sit on his thighs and continue to kiss. The makeout session gets deeper, and he starts to walk to his bedroom with you in his arms. 

He puts you down on the bed and gets rid of his shirt. You do the same thing and watch him get over you. "You're so pretty," he says and starts kissing a way from your chest to your tummy. It doesn't take long for him to undress you. He is on his knees between your legs, and his tongue is playing with your heat. You moan his name when he starts pushing his fingers inside. The sensation hitting harder than you remembered. He takes his time to savor your taste. It's almost embarrassing how quickly you start shaking against his lips. He quickens his pace, and his free hand caresses your tummy. "Come for my baby," he says while locking his eyes to yours. It's the final push you needed to come undone with a little moan. 

You watch him pull out his fingers and lick them. When he starts kissing you, you can taste yourself on his tongue. Your fingers find a way to his chest, gently touching his abs, and they stop at his hardened dick. You stroke him in a tight grip, and his needy moan fills your ears. He kisses your neck and behind your ear. "I want to fuck you," he whispers. He pulls away a little, and you smile at him, "Fuck me".

"Get on all fours," he says while pulling away a little. He slowly strokes his dick and watches the way you're positioning yourself. "Condom?" he asks and helps you to spread your legs. "No, I'm on the pill," you say. He comes close and pushes your head down. His other hand positions his dick to your entrance. With a quick push, he is nestled inside you. You moan at the sensation and his hissing. He doesn't wait for a sign of you; he starts to thrust. "You're so tight," he murmurs at the feeling. His pace quickens with every thrust. His lips press against your hips and back. You wonder how he can be so gentle and hard at the same time. 

When he turns you on your back, only to watch your face, you close your eyes. "Look at me," he says while holding your hips to quicken his pace. Your eyes flutter open, and you watch his dick going in and out of you. "koo.." you moan at the sight. "Fuck," he grunts at the nickname. He can see that you're already fucked out and that you're near coming again. When you start shaking against him, his hips falter for a moment. You moan his name while coming down from your high. "Good girl," he praises you while his own climax is reaching him. With a final thrust, his dick twitches inside you. He pushes his whole length inside and spills his cum inside you. Both of your mouths leave a moan. He rests his head on your belly without putting all his weight on you. Your hands quickly find his hair. 

He looks up to you with a lovesick smile and watches your tired eyes with awe. Then he slowly pulls out of you, which makes you whine. "Sorry, baby," he says and throws himself next to you. It's weird this time because all he is doing is watching you. You don't know how to feel and also why your heart is beating so fast. He stands up and pulls you into his arms. "Let's take a bath," he says and walks to the bathroom. The night goes on with a long bath and a peaceful sleep. Hugging each other tight until the morning. And also you eat breakfast together.

•

"One more round?" Jimin asks. He looks a little drunk with pink cheeks. You smile at him and nod. At the end it was his idea to go to the house party. You accepted right away because the last time was a long time ago. You watch Jimin walking to the kitchen, and at the same time, you see something suspicious. A nice-looking guy exchanges something. They look like weeds. You never tried it out, but it looks appealing. He looks over to you with a lazy smile, and you return it. That's a good excuse for him to walk towards you. 

"Are you watching some business?" he asks. "I mean, you're doing it in the middle of the room," you say. He hands you the drink that he's holding. You take a quick sip and scrunch your face. "It's too strong". He smiles at that and drinks it in one go. "What's your name?" he asks. "Yn, and yours?". "Yoongi," he answers. "If you're interested, that's my number. Call me and we can meet up," he says while giving you a piece of paper. Then he walks away without looking back. Weird you think, but you also keep his number. 

"Nice to see you," you hear from behind. When you turn around, you see Jungkook standing there with a cup in his hand. "Same," you answer. Without a single word, you start to dance with him. It's weird how both of you started to move in rhythm. He holds your hips and sings to the music. You laugh at his cute expression and sing along. All of this moment starts to feel like it's in slow motion. Your eyes catch Jimin's worried face and the way he tries to get to you. 

You stop dancing, and Jungkook gives you a questioning look. "We need to go," Jimin says without looking at Jungkook. "What happened?" you ask him. Instead of answering, he pulls you away, but Jungkook's strong hand stops him. "What is going on?" he asks this time. Jimin sighs and shows his phone. It's a tweet from the uni-blog. 

Hi, my lovely followers. Today's topic is Y/n l/n. Her mother left after giving birth to her. Such a heartbreaking story. But how can she be the school's queen everyone fears? Let's think about that.

See you in the next post! 

Your eyes widened while reading it. Everyone thinks that your mother died after your birth. Only your family knows about the truth. And Jimin, and Jungkook. You freeze at the realization and turn towards him. He looks shocked and confused at the same time. "That's so low. Even for you, Jeon," you say. His eyes find yours, but he doesn't answer. You walk to the door knowing a lot of people are looking at you. This gossip will be haunting you for days and months. 

When Jungkook starts walking towards you, Jimin stops him. "I thought you guys would be at peace. Did you tell them?" he asks. Jungkook turns to look at him. "No. I swear this time it was not me," he answers. Jimin watches his expressions, and it's weird that he thinks that he is not lying. Both of them rush to the door, but you're long gone. 

While getting your phone out of your pocket, you see the paper with a number on it. First you text Jimin that you're going home and want to be alone. Second, you save the number and text him, 'Can we meet?'. Maybe the decision is thoughtless and you will regret it, but right in this moment you need to relax. Your head hurts from thinking about all the rumors and the reaction of your family. Yoongi sends his location and tells you to come in one hour. So you go home and change into more comfy clothes and walk to his place.

The location Yoongi sent to you is a garage in a quiet neighborhood. After a small knock on the door, it opens to reveal Yoongi standing there. He waits for you to come inside, and you start looking around. You had a wild imagination of the space, but to your surprise, it looks really good. There is a big couch in the middle of the garage on a red rug, and in the back you can see some instruments. On the walls are some posters and signs. "Do you like it?" he asks while walking to a chest with drawers. "It's suits you," you answer and sit down on the couch. He comes back with two rolled-up bars. "Are you going to smoke too?" you ask. He nods and makes him comfortable on the couch.

You pull your knees to your chest and hold the blunt in your hand. It's already burning, and you take your first drag. You can feel the difference between weed and the usual stuff you smoke. All of your nerves are relaxing. "So tell me what brings you here," Yoongi says while smoking his own. "I got exposed. Everybody knows what happened with my mother. It sucks," you say. You feel like it's easier to talk, and your thoughts are more collected. "What happened to her?" he asks. He is not the type who is interested in drama, especially because he is older. "She left me after my birth. She saw me as a burden," you admit. You don't know why the tears are streaming down your face. 

"I'm sorry for you. But at the end it's her loss. As I can see, you also managed to grow up without her. So you shouldn't be sad about it," he tells you in a cold voice. You glance at him. "It's easy to say. Maybe we would be a perfect family?" you say. He laughs at that. "I know your dad, yn. He would be the same as now, and probably your mother would work with him too. Nothing would change. It's the dynamics of your family. They are focused on working and making money. They need the power". For a moment you're quiet and think. He is right; probably nothing would change. You sigh, "You're right". That's the final word you say, and both of you start smoking in silence. 

Your phone is ringing for the 10th time this night. Not that you're aware of it because you fell asleep on the couch an hour ago. But Yoongi starts to feel annoyed by the ringtone. He pulls out your phone and answers it. "Where are you? I'm standing in front of your house, and it looks empty!" Jungkook asks in worry. Yoongi chuckles at that. "She is at my place," he answers. Jungkook freezes at the voice. It's kind of a familiar voice. "Oh, it's me, Yoongi," he adds. "Why is she there? Don't tell me she smoked some shit, hyung," he asks a little angrily. "I know you told me to stay away from her, but she came on her own. Don't get mad; she is alright and sleeping. You can take her home if you want," he explains. Jungkook doesn't answer; he hangs up and starts driving.

When he walks into the garage, he looks at your sleeping figure. You look so peaceful. "Hi, do you want a drink?" Yoongi asks. "No thanks. I will bring her home," he answers. He picks you up carefully and puts you in the car. After making sure you're buckled up and safe, he drives to his apartment. 

•

You open your eyes and look around. You can't remember coming here or falling asleep. The distant noises are a sign that you're not alone. You walk to the kitchen only to be met with Jungkook cooking. He doesn't catch that you're standing behind him. For a moment you're enjoying the view. It doesn't matter what he wears or does; he always looks good. When he turns around to place something on the table, he looks at you. "Oh, good morning," he says and smiles at you. You don't answer him and sit down to start eating. He frowns a little, but also he understands.

He sits in front of you and watches you eating. "It wasn't me," he says. You watch his eyes for a moment in hope of catching some mischief in them. But he seems honest. "Okay," you say and smile. "You don't need to go to uni for a while. You can stay here, or I can drive you home," he suggests. "Actually, I don't want to go home. My dad will ask a lot of questions about it," you answer. "You can stay as long as you want," he tells you and grabs your hand. His fingers moving gently on the back of your hand. "Thank you. I appreciate that, but I will stay with Jimin," you say. A little sad to break his heart. He quickly masks the disappointment on his face. "I also will go to school. No need to act like it's affecting me," you add. He nods at that, and both of you return to eat.

•

The school day is as expected. A lot of students asked you about the news, and you told them that it's a family issue. Also, you got a lot of weird looks from people you didn't like. You feel a little lonely when neither Jimin nor Jungkook is in sight. You wonder what they are doing.

At the same time, Jungkook and Jimin are standing in the sports hall. Some of their friends holding the door and others standing in front of it to give a signal when a teacher comes. The poor boy is sitting on his knees on the floor. Apologies leaving his mouth in fear. Jimin and Jungkook were on the search for the responsible person. And it was easier to find him than they were expecting. He was the son of a famous family. His mother was friends with your grandmother. And that explains how he knew about your secret. Jimin wanted him to apologize to you, but Jungkook wasn't satisfied with this idea. So he started beating him up and then made him apologize. "I will text YN to come," Jimin tells him. 

After receiving the message, you walk to the sports hall. A little confused but also curious. When you step inside, you see a boy with blood all over his face looking at you. Jimin and Jungkook standing in front of him. "What the fuck is going on?" you ask. Both men turn towards you. "That's the guy who told it to the blog," Jimin answers. You roll your eyes. "So you started beating him up?" you ask. "He deserved that," Jungkook says and shrugs his shoulders. 

The boy looks at you in hope and says, "I'm sorry. It was dumb of me. Please forgive me". You look him up and down. "Don't act like you're sorry. If I were you, I would run," you whisper the last sentence. He stays in place for a while, and then he starts running away. You turn to Jungkook, "I don't need a lame apology". "Everyone should know that they shouldn't mess with you," he says. You look down at his red knuckles and sigh, "Look at your hand. So stupid of you!". Jimin crackles at that but shuts up after getting a glare from Jungkook. You hug Jimin's side. "Thank you for being there for me," you say. He quickly hugs you back. "Everything for you, princess". You giggle at him and catch Jungkook's frown. "What about me?" he asks. For a moment he looks like a lost puppy, and you snort. "Thank you too," you say. But you can already see that he isn't satisfied with that. Despite that, you walk out with both of them and make fun of the boy who was seconds from crying. Your heart is feeling a lot lighter.

•

The weeks go on, and every day it gets quieter. There are some people left who talk about the topic, but a lot of them dropped it. You found a good bond with Jungkook and Jimin. Feeling like you were friends for more than years. Okay, you know both of them since childhood. But Jimin was your friend since then, and Jungkook your enemy. Not anymore, though, and it doesn't feel weird. You can feel that he is developing some feelings for you. And you can't deny that you have feelings too. But no need to rush it, right?

Your family was more affected by the gossip than you. They were worried that the business would be destroyed. Your dad and grandmother scolding you for being dumb and telling people about it. After you told them that it was the son of your grandmother's friend, they left you alone. Sometimes you were staying at Jungkook's house instead of at home. And you think that this was the best decision you ever had.

Tonight you planned to go on a date with Jungkook to spend some time together. He picks you up in his fancy car. Lending you a bouquet of red roses. You smile at him and lean in for a kiss. "You look beautiful," he says while looking at you. If you had seen this months ago, you would have laughed. But now you're happy with him and smiling wide every time he talks.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.

I'm not a smoker, so don't come for me if I used wrong terms etc :( .

I would be happy if you could leave a review. Feel free to ask me questions or talk about anything (press the button in my bio)! Feel loved ♡

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

sometimes complaining about girlboss characters starts to feel like complaining about mary sues or manic pixie dream girls. theres a real criticism of the trend at some point but its gets quickly drowned out by a lot of misogyny. its okay for girls to do cool things

oh i'm fine for natural girlbosses. dot warner is still an icon above icons.

the problem is with "girlbossing," when someone looks at a feminine girl character and is like "now wait a minute. she can't be feminist if she is Nice and Romantic and Untrained At Combat. it's not like feminism is saying 'traditionally feminine things are not the problem, and they've been severely undervalued in favor of traditionally masculine traits.' no, it's the femmes who are wrong. we shall make them more masculine and in turn make them more feminist. but god forbid we make them actually butch. obviously we can't go that far" also somehow these characters usually end up as business owners because capitalism is good

ie: 90% of Cinderella adaptations in this day and age, Disney's reboot of Snow White, Mario Movie Peach (tho I haven't seen the movie myself so I'm just going based on what people told me).

Sometimes it's done WELL- like Webby in Ducktales'17 is textbook girlbossing, with her being more combat-oriented and less "cute." But that was clearly done as a way to explore more of her character rather than relegate her to "the character we pander to the Females with" and make her more proactive in the story they were telling, rather than as a way to make her "less girly." She's still into sleepovers and pink dresses and has female friends (who were added into the reboot), she just ALSO likes blood sports. Mario Movie Peach might be the same way, as I said I haven't seen the mov. or sometimes the girlbossing is Camp™, like & juliet. in which case it's fucking awesome

But the vast majority of the time, it's people thinking that a character being traditionally feminine is automatically antifeminist, without thinking "well, is this a character with a personality, wants, and agency"? Cinderella is constantly belittled for "doing nothing" but she's an abuse survivor in a situation she can't escape, who as soon as she's given a way out is active in trying to get her happy ending. 1950's Disney Cinderella literally is the one to run down the stairs screaming that she has the other slipper. Their 2015 girlboss Cinderella spins and dances in her room until the prince comes and gets her. And that's like. Their LEAST offensive reboot girlbossing.

Goddamnit I have to leave for work now. tl;dr the problem with girlbossing isn't "letting women do cool things", those things are sick and awesome. The problem is the writers implicitly saying "any girl that doesn't conform to masculine ideals of strength is clearly weak and needs to be fixed."

[tonysbed]

Secrets I keep | Part 9

Lando Norris x sister!reader

Max Fewtrell x norris!reader

summary: You and Max have been dancing around your feelings for years but jealousy gets the best of us all..

not proofread

a/n: i’m calling max and kelly’s baby ‘lovebug’ and don’t specify the gender cause we don’t know it either

series masterlist | previous | next

-

“Please let me babysit them. I love them, and they love me and i’m not alone” You pour at Kelly, who is still unsure “You and max didn’t have time for yourself in ages. Come on, we’ll be fine. I got Alex and.. well Fewtrell but I’ll call Alex” You blink at her.

Max looks at you sceptical but before he can say anything “You guys go! I wanna stay with Yn!” Penelope says, setting down her dolls. You smile at the 5 year old.

Kelly looks at Max, who sighs and shrugs. Kelly looks at you two “The little one can be fed on formula already, right?” Kelly nods “Alright, alright. I do think we both need a break” Max says, sliding his arm around kelly.

“Okay, but if anything happens-“ “You’re the first one I’ll call” You smile at her “We’ll be fine, I promise” You kiss her cheek and clap excited in your hands.

-

yn

liked by kellypiquet, charlesleclerc, maxfewtrell and 628.639 others

yn favourite people in the world (+ fewtrell who just came out of thin air)

maxfewtrell what have I ever done to you?

alexandrasaintmleux 👀

yn Alexandra.

maxfewtrell Im not sure if I should be concerned or scared..

alexandrasaintmleux both.

yn Alex.

alexandrasaintmleux ❤️

alexandrasaintmleux love you 🫶🏻

yn mhm

kellypiquet 😍❤️

*liked by yn*

Landonorris is that..my boat?

yn had to make fewtrell useful, sorry lan

landonorris oh dear lord

user they’re hanging out without Lando 🥹

user the cutest

user I love Alex’s and yn’s friendship omg

-

yn added to their story

[ cap1 : coolest ppl in town | cap2: 💛🐕]

landonorris dare I say you two are become the F word??

the F word? We’re becoming Fuck? Thats a new low even for you. Don’t even know what that means 😂

landonorris Friends, you dumbass

oh! Uh, We’re getting along I guess

Landonorris I see, I see 👀

???

alexandrasaintmleux ❤️❤️

-

“You know, it is really peaceful when you two aren’t trying to kill each other” Alexandra says, petting leo who was sleeping in her lap. You shoot her a look, that she ignores.

Max looks at you, and you look at Alex “You’re impossible Alex” “You love me still” She smiles “I do. But I also wanna throw you off the boat” She gasps dramatically “How dare you!” She tries to hold back her smile.

Penelope comes running “P, I told you. Please no running here! Don’t want you to fall off please” “I can swim!” “Your mother would not be happy. And you keep taking off your vest. Either you put it on or you slow down” She nods “Okay. I’ll slow down.”

“Okay, thank you. What can we do for you?” “Wanted to see the baby” She smiles. You look at Max, who is currently holding the child. P climbs next to him and leans on his shoulder “So pretty” She gently stokes the baby’s arm.

You smile at them and Alex nudges you and wiggles her brows. You swat her arm and look back to the three. Max listens to something P is telling him, but you can only focus on him.

He does look good with kids and- No. No no no. To far.

You shake your head. You can’t ruin whatever was now going on between you two. And if it is just being friends. It would go back the way it used to be.

-

-

You look up from your phone, Alex was also on her phone and Max had his eyes closed. “Daniel wants to tell Lando” Alex looks at you and Max opened his eyes “Tell him what?” Alex asks, sitting up and putting her phone down.

You look at Max, who raised an eyebrow “What have you told him.” “Everything.” “Everything?” “Everything..”

Max’s lips form into a thin line and Alex scoots closer to you “Why?” “Because he thinks we’re dating or something” Max tilts his head “Why would he think that?” “Because we’re hanging out.”

“Is he, i’m sorry but stupid?” “No, hurt and jealous” Alex says. Max looks at her “How much do you know?”

She looks at you and bites her lips “Oh god, also everything?” You nod embarrassed and Max wipes his face “Alright, so what do we do?” “We certainly can’t tell Lando”

“He’d go nuts, probably” Alex says, which Max and you agree to “We’ll find a way. I mean it’s.. OH! It’s almost qualifying!” She yelps.

“Oh shit” Max says, walking inside to turn on the tv. You grab the baby and Alex goes to ask P if she wants to come watch qualifying, which she obviously agrees to. She has to watch Lando and Maxie of course!

Lando gets pole and max qualified 3rd after a one place penalty, that all three of you question “Have we ever had a one place grid drop?” You grimace “I don’t think so..” Max says, rocking the baby to sleep.

Alex shakes her head “But Charles is 2nd!” You chuckle “Yeah, guess that’s good”

-

You were sitting in your apartment, P and the baby were fast asleep in your guest room, Alexandra went home and you were sitting on your couch with Max.

“Do you think he’d actually tell Lando?” Max asks quietly. You shrug “I wouldn’t be surprised, if i’m honest” Max nods “Should we.. before..”

“I don’t know.. who knows if he’s bluffing or not. But Lando gets wind of this from daniel and not one of us, he won’t talk to us ever again.”

“Yeah.” You fall into silence again. Was it really worth telling Lando? You both know you wouldn’t do anything because of him, so why bother? Is it bad not telling him? You’re not lying if he’s not asking technically..

“We can’t just do absolutely nothing.” You agree but your phone lights up “Wait, it’s alex”

You read the texts out loud to him. You both sit in silence for a few moments.

He looks at you and you look at him.

“I..” You sigh and lean your head backwards down the armrest “It’s our choice in the end. We can only asume what daniel would tell him..” Max starts. You sit back up again, tears in your eyes that you try to blink away.

Max doesn’t hesitate and pulls you over to him into his lap. His arms tighten around him “I can’t loose him” “You won’t” “He’d hate us” “We’ll talk to your mum first, how about that?” You nod into his chest.

Max hand makes a soothing up and down motion, calming you slowly down “It’ll be okay” His forehead meets the side of your head. You stay like that for a few minutes until you look at him.

“What do we do?” His eyes struggle to stay at your eyes, and so do yours. You lean in but don’t touch him yet “We shouldn’t..” You whisper “Then why does it feel so right?”

Before your lips can finally meet, your phone rings. You jump and your head snaps to your phone. You climb back to your side “It’s kelly.” You pick up “Hey K.”

“Yeah everything’s great. Both of them are fast asleep.” You smile a bit “Oh uh..Well max is still here. But otherwise no one. Alex went home a few hours ago. We ordered take out after the two fell asleep and now we’re sitting here”

“Okay. See you soon then. Have a great time and wish max good luck!” You chuckle “Love you too!” You hang up and sigh. You kind of throw your phone on the coffee table and squeeze your eyes shut.

“Do you want me to go or…?” Max says quietly. You look at him “I mean it’s getting late and everything…” You nod “You’re right. Uhm.. are you gonna join us to watch the race tomorrow? I mean you normally stream so..” “Yeah, I don’t really wanna stream tomorrow.”

You follow him to your front door “Then sleep well and I’ll see you tomorrow” Max nods “Sleep well.” He smiles tightly and before he rounds the corner of the stairs he looks back one more time.

An unspoken understanding that this is something that needs to be addressed.

-

the chat w ciska (mom) is cut off, but you ask her if she has time and she asks if Wednesday is okay

So.. Daniel is in his villain era and they got interrupted , what a coincidence 😔☝️

[lucy---lou]

Part 12 Lucys-hdg-story

"Ice cream, ICE CREAM, ICE CREAM!"

I hold my ears shut.

"sssshhhh Ellie I know you're excited but you're stressing Lucy"

"Sooorryyyy", I get hugged,"I really am sorry. I want you to like me"

"It's alright I'm just sensitive"

*gasp*"there, there it is", Ellie is bouncing but keeping her voice quiet.

"thanks"

We arrive at the ice cream parlor. There are just too many to choose from and they all have silly names.

"Hey there, what would you like", the floret behind the counter asks.

"Ehm - I'll have a 'I'massweetasthisicecream' please", I say with a blush. Couldn't they just call it sweet strawberry.

"Sorry I couldn't understand you, could you repeat it?"

A vine is placed next to me and I grab onto it, feeling a little more secure.

"Iee-I would like a I'll have a 'I'm as sweet as this ice cream' please"

I stare at the ground out of embarrassment. We wait for Ellie to choose and we wait and wait.

"She'll have a 'Mistress I don't know what I want' and some iced mineral water for me please"

Ellie pouts at Miss Duralis.

"Sure thing coming up, have a seat!", the floret at the counter chirps.

Ellie and I are picked up and I let out a small eep and are both placed at the table meant for floret and their owners.

"Sorry Ellie, but if we'd have waited any longer I think all the ice cream on the Helichrysum would have melted"

"Owww ok", Ellie pouts.

I let a small giggle out

"What's so funny", Ellie gives me a stare and I now start laughing.

"Do you really think the conquerors of space would let all the ice cream melt"

"Hmm no, but Mistress said so"

"I think she just wanted me to feel better. I was quite scared. Whatever she choose for you will be great"

"Yeah", she beams,"and there it is"

Two plates of way to much ice cream and a jug of mineral water is placed in front of us.

"Enjoy it"

Miss Duralis thanks the floret and she pets him and scruffles his hair. I feel jealous, but push that aside there is ice cream in front of me. I dig in.

"mmmmmmhhhhhhhh", I let out a moan.

I look over at Ellie and can berly contain my self. Her face I completely full of ice cream even in places I wonder how she got it there. I look at miss Duralis with a you seeing this look. She smiles at me and starts cleaning Ellie.

"Told you she gets too excited, that's why we don't have ice cream that often"

"I see that", I smile and happily continue eating.

Suddenly I can hear loud cheering and clapping.

<dirt>

I force my eyes shut, hold my ears with my hands and curl up. I let out a tiny displeasured queak.

I feel vines slowly creep up my body and I let them. They move up to my hands and force themselfs between my hands and head. Suddenly everything goes quiet. I take a deep breath.

"Is this better petal?", I can hear Miss Duralis clearly but nothing else. I nod.

"Would you like to go back to our hab"

I feel my eyes starting to tear up and I do a tiny nod.

"Alright petal, I'll tell Ellie"

We get picked up and I feel Miss Duralis give me a tight hug. I'm scared. The vines still allow me to move, so I turn to Ellie and hug her. I start to cry again. Time seems to fly by. Soon we're back at the hab and all three on the couch again.

"Sorry", I let out along with a long sigh.

"For what kitten?"

"For ruining everything like I always do", if I hadn't cried all the way here. I would definitely had now.

"Oh kitten, it wasn't your fault, you were just overwhelmed"

"But I alw-mpff"

"No back talking kitten, otherwise I'll have to give you something. "

"But my stupid brain" prick "meeeooowww"

"meow mieeoww mreoww", what the fuck!why can't I talk.

"MEEOOWR!"

"Can we always have her like that. She's so cute. I think I'm going to die", Ellie hugs me after finishing her adoration.

I just pout at her.

"meowrr"

"You can have fun with her on Class-Ws later first I need to settle some things", Miss Duralis seems angry?

"Look at me kitten"

Before I can even react she forces me. I try to look away.

"No little kitten, look into my eyes"

I stare at her and fall into her swerling beautiful colourful shining eyes. Everything else starts to fall away. Even if I wanted to I couldn't look away, they're just to beautiful.

"Good kitten, now drop for me"

I feel my self shut down nothing exists anymore just Miss Duralis and that's fine. I can feel her everywhere.

"Good girl"

A shiver goes down my spine.

"Now listen close"

"It's not your fault"

"You are under my care, it's my responsibility to take care of you"

Something changes. Everything feels more intense.

"You are safe"

I am safe

"You don't have to worry"

I don't have to worry

"It is not your fault"

It is not my fault

"Now come back to me kitten"

*snap*

Slowly all my senses come back to me. It feels like I was hit by an asteroid. I look at them with pleading eyes

"Meeow?", great still can't talk.

"Yes kitten, is everything alright"

I boop my head with my paws no my hands and make a hurt noise.

"Does your head hurt?"

"mmeow", I nod. I feel a prick

"That should be better now"

"Mriouw", I nod, but not just my headache is gone everything feels better.

"You can play with her now", Miss Duralis smiles.

"Yayy"

I get hugged with quite the force.

"Whatever she did to you, it's for your best"

"mrew"

Doesn't matter everything feels great and I'm safe.

"So, so ,soooo cute, sorry I have to do this. I can't hold back any longer"

SHE KISSES MY LIPS!

"meemmmeowmwmwmwm", I moan

My cheeks flush as bright pink as physically possible. She pulls away and I look at her pleading and also panting.

"Oh my stars, I needed this"

I paw at her.

"Awww, don't be sad I'll continue"

And I get kissed again and again and again. My whole body is being petted, stroked and kissed. Time seems to stop ticking in heaven. Slowly the kissing grows slower, the petting lighter. We hug each other tightly. Everything grows even slower and heavier. We drift of into blissfull sleep and of course holding each other .

-Wow that was so much fun to write and now I also have butterflies in my stomach. Also I just noticed Ellie reminds me alot of Fluffle Puff

[harlivycentral]

Queer Identity in Poison Ivy (2022-)

I want to talk about the way the ongoing Poison Ivy series uses her queerness to deepen her character, exploring tensions between her tie to humanity versus the earth, her resistance to confining systems, and her problem with confrontation.

Under the cut cause I have a lot to say!

Ivy has been around since the 60s, and she was obviously not intended as a queer woman then. She was portrayed as a femme fatale, and her relationships with men were not usually ones of mutual respect. Instead, we saw Ivy weaponizing her sexuality against men in order to get what she really cared about (in early comics, that was wealth, which we later saw evolve into a concern for the planet). For example, in her earliest appearance (Batman #181 in 1966), we see her controlling Batman through a poisoned-lipstick kiss:

In her current iteration, this relationship to men/power/sexuality has evolved in interesting ways. I would consider her current iteration to have started with her storyline in Batman (2016) #41-43, Everyone Loves Ivy. I say Everybody Loves Ivy because I think that was when DC realized her character had been written in a lot of conflicting ways (in part because she had never had an ongoing solo series at that point, so got written as a side character in different series by many different writers) and started trying to give her a coherent characterization. You can read my master post summarizing that journey here, if you're interested.

In Everybody Loves Ivy, we see her at perhaps her most powerful. It's the culmination of her pheromone powers: she is able to use them to make everybody on the planet in love with her (except for Batman and Catwoman, who manage to get themselves an antidote before she takes full control of them).

As is typical with Ivy, this "love" she instills is a power grab: she intends to control everyone's actions so that they stop harming the planet. It's not a true, interpersonal connection. However, while she initially has Harley under her control, Batman (rightly) tells her that she isn't really controlling Harley that deeply, that she doesn't really want to be controlling Harley:

As we eventually see, Batman is able to break Harley out from under Ivy's control. Harley is the one who gets Ivy to let go of control of everyone else, too, by asking Ivy how she's doing and taking genuine care of her. Ivy's love for and interpersonal connection with Harley outweighs her need to weaponize her sexuality, her need for control. It brings her back to her humanity and makes her realize she doesn't want to save the planet at the cost of everyone else's free will.

In the fallout from this storyline, Ivy dies and is reborn, and we first see the new Ivy in the limited series Poison Ivy & Harley Quinn, in which Harley and Ivy are on the run from Woodrue. This sets up a theme that the current run of Poison Ivy is dealing with: Ivy running from her problems. But, again, Harley is the one to tether her to humanity.

In the Batman storyline where Harley & Ivy are finally made a canonical couple (Fear State), we see a sort of repeat of Everybody Loves Ivy. We're told Ivy has grown vines into the foundation of all of Gotham and could take the city down at any moment. She is convinced not to when Harley talks her down, though. Again, she loves Harley so much that she is able to extend that love to greater humanity and decides not to destroy them. We see the tension for Ivy between her want to use her unrestrained power to completely overturn corrupt systems with the reality of the harmful impacts the use of her powers will have on individual people.

The other love interest she has in the lead-up to her solo series is Bella. Bella is actually Ivy's ex-girlfriend, but we get the story of their past in James Tynion IV's awesome single-issue backstory for Bella, which also establishes the first coherent backstory for Poison Ivy that we have in this current iteration of her character. Her solo run ended up expanding on but not contradicting any of Tynion IV's version.Bella narrates the issue, and we see Ivy's relationship to both Bella and Harley to be quite lovely:

Above, we see her spend a "beautiful" summer with Bella. Later, when she is imprisoned, her relationship with Harley is presented as a lifeline for them both:

In contrast, we see Woodrue's exploitive relationship with Ivy. He's her professor who ends up doing experiments on her against her will, and we are explicitly told that she never loved him:

We also see her relationship to Batman portrayed as something very much outside of the flirty, femme fatale model it had in previous decades:

Given this backstory (and the fact that we have only ever seen her romantically/sexually involved with women since at least 2016), I personally interpret Ivy as a lesbian in her iteration. (They've never confirmed her sexuality as either lesbian or bi, so it's open to interpretation.) However you interpret her sexuality, her relationships with women are shown in clear contrast to her relationships to men in this comic. Her relationships with men are used to emphasize the harmful potential of power differentials and rigid systems.

Ivy's relationship with Bella is shown in contrast to her relationship with Woodrue. Ivy's relationship with Bella is about being in tune with her embodied self and following her desires. She connects to her "animal self," seeing this queer relationship outside of societal lenses which might condemn it. In contrast, her relationship with Woodrue is very much informed by the academic system in which they are working, and misuses his power within that system to coerce Ivy into an abusive relationship.

When Woodrue's experiments on Ivy ironically enable her to break free from her relationship with him, she recognizes and begins to fight the larger systems that enabled his interpersonal harm of her. However, then Batman comes in, stopping Ivy from fighting those systems and instead putting her in prison. As Ivy was dehumanized on an interpersonal level during her relationship with Woodrue, she is dehumanized on a system level in the prison system. But, again, we see her relationship with Harley in contrast to how Batman and the carceral system treat Ivy. We're specifically told that their love is borne from Ivy recognizing the way Harley has been abused like she was, and we see how both women help each other develop a sense of self that people in power and the prison system would rip away from them.

When Ivy's solo comic started, it continued to explore how individuals can hold strong against destructive systems. Ivy is shown as being outside a lot of systems in her solo comic. In Poison Ivy #10, for example, she's opposed to the capitalist system which drives the destruction of the earth:

I think this is very tied to her backstory, which shows her (whether you interpret her as lesbian or bi) as very resistant to/outside of the system of heterosexist patriarchy. We know from her backstory that she was abused by Woodrue, and that she sees Batman as another man who would try to use his power to keep her within systems she'd rather not confine herself to.

With the current understanding of Ivy as a queer woman who values overturning unjust systems, I interpret her backstory of as a "femme fatale" in earlier comics a little differently. To me, I read it as: Ivy is abused by specific men and systems as a whole because of her vulnerabilities (as a queer person and a woman). Her means of fighting back against this abuse is to sharpen her perceived weaknesses into a weapon. She leans into almost a caricature of femininity and uses it to manipulate men that might otherwise hurt her, either interpersonally or through their participation in oppressive systems.

However, this means of fighting back against the system doesn't allow room for Ivy to be her authentic self. She performs an idealized femininity for the male gaze, and--as we saw above in Everybody Loves Ivy--she can get tunnel vision on her end goal (of saving the planet, of overturning oppressive systems) at the expense of leaving herself any breathing room. In Everybody Loves Ivy, she was almost willing to sacrifice the chance for both herself and everyone else on the planet to have any sort of authentic relationship.

In her solo comic, we see a new iteration of those same impulses in Ivy. She isn't a femme fatale in this series--in fact, I don't thinks we see her almost (if ever?) weaponize her sexuality against men. Usually, she just threatens them with violence. Still, we see her at the start of the series willing to give up her personhood--her very life--in order to save the planet. She's cut herself off from her relationship with Harley and tries to keep herself from forming any new attachments on the road. Instead of leaning into what society expects of her, she's operating outside of society completely, ready to kill everyone and bring it all to the ground. But the effect is the same: she is completely cut off from what she as an individual might need or want, from room for any kind of authentic, interpersonal love. She want to be all plant, connected to a revitalized nature, and free from her human needs.

However, we start to see cracks in this stone-cold facade pretty early into her comic. First, in Poison Ivy #4, she takes on a temporary shipping job, and we see her come to the aid of her coworker, Jesslyn, after learning Jessyln's boss is sexually harassing her:

She then sleeps with Jesslyn:

I think it's important that her connection with Jesslyn, like we saw her initial connection with Harley, is borne out of a recognition of the ways they have both been abused by men in power. I think Jesslyn reminds Ivy of her own origins, that part of what initially drove her to try to overturn human society is the ways it cut her off from meaningful relationships (Woodrue luring her away from her relationship with Bella). Ivy reconnects with the part of herself that wants--not just her grand, moral wants but her small, human wants. She starts to question if there isn't something worth saving.

Say what you will about Janet, but her introduction in the series is a pivotal point in Ivy reconnecting with her human side. In Poison Ivy #8, we see her first start to really care about Janet's fate:

She ends up sleeping with Janet in issue #10:

Which she immediately regrets:

I think Ivy has two modes: either confronting everything head on, with a singular, grand goal in mind, or running from her problems. Ivy isn't good with nuance: she doesn't seem to really know how to go after saving the earth in a way where she can still allow herself any of her own identity and needs. When she starts to feel the cracks in her determination to kill all of humanity with her spores--when she starts to realize that this will mean killing innocent people like Jesslyn and Janet, people she might learn to care about, if she gives herself any breathing room--her instinct is to run away.

She doesn't run away literally this time, but I think she runs away figuratively in sleeping with Janet. She doesn't giver herself time to think about what this will mean for her relationship with Harley, about what this will mean for her relationship with Janet--she just does it. She's been denying her own personhood for so long that she sort of swings the other way, indulging in whatever she wants in the moment with no plan at all in mind.

Keep in mind that she's also just reunited with Harley, and Harley has always been the one who most re-grounds Ivy. It's a very re-connective experience for Ivy. Harley shows Ivy proof that she can still bring green things to life, not just kill people with spores. She then urges Ivy not to punish herself:

I think this reconnection with Harley overwhelms Ivy, almost, and contributes to her decision to sleep with Janet. Harley has always been the one to pull her back from the brink, and I think part of Ivy doesn't want that. She doesn't want to care about anyone. She wants to be able to save the planet without caring about the costs along the way, whether to herself or others. So I think she gives in to a bit of a self-destructive impulse, maybe even trying to blow up her relationship with Harley a bit, although we obviously see later that they work through it.

We see her work through things with Harley and literally confront her demons, defeating Woodrue and the fungal zombies. Just as she's working to find some sort of balance--a way to be in relationship with Harley, to be friends with Janet, to care for plants and humans at the same time--we see an ecoterrorist organization hold her up as their patron saint.

Now, I am suspicious about where the writers might go with this plotline, as her ecoterrorism has been pretty central to her character for a while. But I'm willing to see how it plays out, since I think an interesting point is being made that these people are dehumanizing her--in a different way than Woodrue and Batman and the prison system, sure, but by making her into an idol, they're stripping her of the nuance she's worked so hard to gain over the course of her series. Ivy's backstory shows her realizing how those with power can so easily manipulate it for abusive ends. Ivy's had power in the sense of her actual superpowers (lol) for a long time, but the idolization of this ecoterrorist group gives her social power in a way I think she's not accustomed to. She's a loner, and I think she associates the kind of power these people are putting in her hands with abuse. I think she's terrified that she'll mess up and hurt someone. She does not want or know how to use the kind of power they're giving her.

I'm also willing to see where the re-introduction of Bella goes. I do hate that there's clearly a mandate from DC editorial to keep Harley and Ivy apart. However, seeing as it's probably not coming from the creative team of the Poison Ivy team itself, I'm hopeful they'll do interesting things during Harley's absence. I love Bella as a character, and I think Ivy's instinct to fix their initial conflict with a kiss is in character for her. It's a bit of falling back to her old ways--of leaning into that femme fatale mode of from her past, weaponizing her sexuality to get what she wants, which is for Bella to make the ecoterrorism idealization of her go away.

I think it's a bit of a lot of things. I think it's a bit of Ivy wanting to reconnect with Bella on a personal level, to remind both herself and Bella of how they first fell in love just as two people, when they now find themselves meeting more as two political players navigating unjust systems with different methodologies in mind. I think it's a bit of that "run away" instinct, of giving in to what she wants in the moment to avoid having to confront all the complicated realities of what Bella coming back into her life (and in this way) means. If the writers continue to tease out all these threads in an interesting way, I'm still hooked.

This isn't to say I unquestionably love all the writing for this series. I find Janet annoying. I'm worried DC editorial is trying to soft-launch a harlivy breakup without the backlash, and that we won't see Harley and Ivy on the page together in any meaningful way for a long time. I'm worried that this current plotline is going to devolve into a very centrist/liberal take on Ivy's want to overturn the system and save the earth instead of a nuanced exploration of agency and power.

But. I also like a lot of the writing. Ivy in this series is one of the most fleshed out and realistic queer women I've ever seen in the pages of a mainstream comic. Overall, I think there's something really powerful about the way Ivy's sexuality (both her queer identity and sexual behavior) is portrayed in the ongoing Poison Ivy series. Ivy's only had a solo series since 2022, so Ivy and Harley's queer relationship was first hinted at in other comics and portrayed very differently by those writers. It was hinted at in the pages of Batman and then more strongly in Harley Quinn. At times, it's been quite sexualized in a way obviously intended to appeal to male viewers. In Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti's run of Harley Quinn, for example, Harley and Ivy are portrayed as "girlfriends without the jealousy of monogamy" (x), which allowed the writers the "best of both worlds": Harley was implied to be dating Ivy and a character Mason at the same time, and she flirted with everyone from Batman to Power Girl. Harley was often drawn in quite sexualized ways; although I personally think this run added depth to Harley & Ivy's relationship, there were other times that their implied hookups were clearly meant to just be sexy and not to add any depth to their characters.

Even the statement alone that they were "girlfriends without the jealousy of monogamy" shows that the writers didn't have a vested interest in portrayed a nuanced and realistic portrait of a non-monogamous relationship, as people actually in these relationships will often talking about having to work through feelings of jealousy as a part of making those relationships work. Non-monogamous relationships take work and communication like any other, and earlier series didn't necessarily portray them that way.

Even before her relationship with Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy has long been a character that was highly sexualized. In her current solo comic, though, she's portrayed as sexual without being sexualized. When she sleeps with Jessyln in issue #4, we're shown their shadows on the wall instead of anything more salacious. When Ivy and Harley are shown in bed together in #9, they're not drawn in a particularly "sexy" way, and the emphasis is on their emotional connection to each other. When Ivy sleeps with women in this series, as I've talked about at length above, it always deepens her character. Her relationships with these women--whether they're one night stands, situationships-turned-friendships, an ongoing & longtime romance, or an ex-turned-leftists-squabble--allow her to messily explore who she really is and what she really wants. The Ivy we see is confused about her political goals, about what using her powers for "good" should look like--and that makes sense, on a meta-level, for a character who has never had the breathing room of a solo series to be anyone besides the villain, the anti-hero, or the girlfriend in someone else's story. Let's let her be messy for a while longer. Hopefully, something beautiful will grow out of it.

[causeimcrayzeebee]

tetro back it again making me cry way too early in the morning alright lets talk about the things on my mind after this weeks episodes

first of all, (princess) Monomoko. goodness. i have really enjoyed seeing her become more and more sympathetic and aware, building her own consciousness. that really worries me about her, in the event that something could happen to her. the fact that she told seki that she cant justify the killing game anymore, and seki doesn’t really say anything about he feels. i wonder if he feels the same way. also from corrective approach, it seems like seki turned her in, but honestly is it just me or does it seem like something where kan found out on his own n seki wasn’t able to do anything about it? i mean obviously he’s still choosing to do nothing, but like i feel like it would be weird that he told on her yk? or am i just losing my mind.

ojima. oh my goodness ojima, I did not expect a lore dump, but wow. hayashi telling him that talking about it could be his chance to be strong,,, and he actually starts speaking. i really loved that hayashi was the one he told, especially considering their similarities. ojima throughout the ep was hugely impressed that she survived the year of being kidnapped and locked away, and thinking he himself as incapable of being that strong, but hayashi saying that she’s not stronger, she’s just had more practice was a key thing. ojima took that first step of saying something all those years ago, and when the people around him (his father not his brothers) blamed him of lying, he didn’t feel like he had the people to support him that he needed, thus backing away. ojima opening up again after that (and about something he’s avoided for most of his life) is HUGE. now, as he tells hayashi what happened to him, she can be part of that support system for him.

hayashi has gone through so much too. i think her story really highlights the importance of having people around you. her parents were still searching for her, and once she was actually able to escape, she had her parents back. the whole kidnapping was incredibly fucked, it’s amazing that she made it. she’s so strong and i love her, she really has stepped up to giving the rest of the cast support, just like she was by her parents.

on another note MY PARENTS [hayashigeki] ARE NO LONGER ON THE PATH TO DIVORCE!!! the fact that yanagi was so distraught and worried about restricting hayashi and being controlling just like his father, only to find out hayashi was mad at him for putting himself in danger... I really liked communication attempt, I'm so glad they actually talked. yanagi talking about long term plans though worries me..... king pls.....

speaking of long term plans, this is what got me bawling again, in refulgence post mortem. kamimura kazutoshi, the guy literally trying to kill himself just before the killing game (which I still wonder what this means for how they got the participants into the game,,, did they have to like resuscitate him??) , was thinking about going back to school to pursue his dream. he wanted to reconnect with his aunt. hasegawa saying he was proud of him really got me. kamimura had found something he wanted to do, something to strive for in the future. and then he was taken away. hasegawa's distain for okazaki is clear in this episode. they way that hasegawa talked about kamimura was full of love, both when he talked about the little things that were negative about kamimura, like how he was easily annoyed, and when he talked about how funny and kind he was. i think it’s really interesting too how Hama was asking hasegawa, someone the rest of the group knows even LESS, about kamimura. it feels like when two mutual friends talk about someone they knew and get closer through that. i really hope this marks hasegawa beginning to reach out more. (OH YEAH ALSO HASEGAWA CLEANING KAMIMURAS BODY AND THE SCENE,,,, WHAT IF I CRIED.) this episode was also something that really hit how isolated the two were from the rest of the group; we all knew this about kamimura, but hama was hearing a lot of this for the first time.

i really loved hama in this weeks episodes too. teacher hama made me so happy I cant believe we had five minutes of hama yapping about yokai that was AWESOME. wama nation rise this week was peak.... the way he responds to wada in extra credit is so fucking sweet, and him reading chibas story (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) to help wada fall asleep was so fucking adorable I lost it. hama is truly someone with so much love to give.

wada this week has clearly been going through a lot. I think definitely in chapter 4, he's starting to grow a bit more confidence and strength to move forward, but shit is hard. it makes sense for wada to backpedal a bit. i knew a lot of what happened cause of wada.exe but damn was it so painful hearing it VOICED. shout out to literallt every single tetro VA, i think their work has absolutely enhanced the story so beautifully. wada has so much to deal with and his past will always be with him. “it can't be trauma because that means it won't go away”, was a really striking line. i really loved all the lines in these episodes, they held so much power.

oh yanagi, you sweet son of a bitch. I'm so worried for his survival chances this chapter, he's been serving everyone. he treated Monomoko to the princess experience despite everything. he helped wada talk about his issues with food and set out to help him do something about it, just like how he did with his sister. he kept trying until finally having the opportunity to talk to hayashi. yanagi is someone who knows where he comes from, but has made huge strides and constant effort to not be like his father.

and finally, speaking of families. watari. oh my goodness, I love watari so much. her interview was amazing, it was such a rollercoaster (girlie is the number one wama n hasemura fan lmfaoo), but I really enjoyed the whole thing. i had a suspicion that she really just longed to be a teenager without responsibilities when I read her secret files, but damn. i think the wish for her mom to be more involved is something so sad but so real. tons of kids have to end up taking care of their siblings like how watari has to, and it’s a lot on someone who’s still growing themselves. i didn’t make that connection to why she loved having fun with okazaki until this interview, and wow. Firefox nation how we feeling (im going to explode UAHSHDJEJEJE). this killing game, ironically, gave her the opportunity to be free, just for a bit. i also find her instinct to say she wants to be an only child interesting, as I think it’s instinct to blame the immediate people around you for a problem that is more (likely?) systematic. but in reality all she wants is her mom to do things for her, like a mother should.

I think this is the first proper time watari has acknowledged how she’s been feeling about Okazaki (Y’all are cruel with these questions LMAO). okazaki was someone she could have fun with, to enjoy herself with. okazaki let her be who she wished she could’ve been, and she wanted her. if Okazaki hadn’t killed like she did, maybe things would be different. clearly, under all her hatred and anger towards Okazaki for the fucked up things she did, she loved her. she misses her. she still wants to be foxes with her, in another life, where they can start over and have a clean slate. she wants to spend life with the one who let her be the carefree teenager she wanted to be. she wants her. don’t mind me bawling my eyes out!

overall, I've really loved the themes of support from tetro recently. I think it's been a common reminder coming through that people need others to keep going. support is a powerful thing, and when so many of the cast of tetro have been alone in some aspect during their life, finding the people to help them through it to move on through their life is an incredibly powerful thing.

[nor-ay]

Unrequited Love Reader and Pure Vanilla Angst bc I’ve been sad these days. (Not canon to the main story.)

The moon is captivating, you think. How it shines and covers you with its light as if it were the critic and you the performer. You feel like you’re trapped on a stage. And no matter how you try to divert the narrative, someone always finds a way to put you back in your role. And you suppose that you’re not in the wrong. You are in Shadow Milk Cookie’s domain, after all. The need to be comforted fills your heart as a tear falls down and wets your cheek, clinging to your chin.

You smell the faint scent of vanilla before you hear him talk. “[Name] Cookie, oh, I am so sorry to interrupt, but I can’t help but worry about you. You’ve been acting a bit…” 

You’re a bit annoyed, no, scratch that. You’re really pissed off. Your mind can’t comprehend what’s his deal. Pure Vanilla Cookie is someone who cares about his friends and people. He’s kind, empathetic and lovely. But at what point does he help because he really feels like it? Or he just does it out of duty? Is he always genuine? 

“Why are you asking, Pure Vanilla Cookie? What would you do if something was wrong?” He seems surprised by your tone but doesn’t comment on it. It takes him a good minute to answer, calm and firmly. 

“I would do anything in my power, you do know that, right? You are my friend, my old friend, you can count on me.” 

Shaking your head, you smile, but it feels like a grimace. Of course, you knew he was going to say that. He always says the same things, just in different fonts. You know that it shouldn't hurt you; you’re feeling like this because you are allowing it. At least, that is what you think. “That’s so cruel…you can’t say that you’d do anything and then just call me a friend.” 

“Pardon me? [Name] Cookie,” His eyes are open now, and you can’t look at him, so you convince yourself that the floor is more beautiful. “You would do the same, is that right? You told me…” 

“Ugh, let's stop dancing around this topic,” Frustration and anger flares up and helps you ignore the uncomfortable dread in your body. “I told you that because I did not mean it as just a friend. I love you, but right now, I hate you a bit for it.”

You finally look at Pure Vanilla Cookie, and his face is just so pretty that it makes you feel sickly. He’s not looking at you. “I am terribly sorry…but I can’t—“ With furrowed brows and a hoarse voice, he tries to reject you as softly as possible.

“I understand, you don't have to reject me. I was just stating it.” You can’t hear him finish that sentence. Somehow, it feels like if that thought materializes, I’ll turn true. And you so foolishly try to keep some hope for your heart.

“…[Name] Cookie,” For the first time since he found you, he approaches and holds both your hands. “I’m not very good at this. But thank you for telling me. And- we can still be friends If that’s…what you want?” 

You agree and reassure him that nothing will change and that soon this feeling will go away. Bizarrely enough, you think that it may happen sooner than you’d expect.

It’s been a while! As I said, I’ve been struggling a bit these days but I’m better. Please feel free to share your opinion on this fic as long as it’s respectful. And no, this is not canon. In the main story, the reader does not confess to Pure Vanilla. Maybe someday.

[ofcrowsanddragons]

I want to hear about the Lucavrin drinking scene 👀👀

I WROTE THE BRONCO story! The rest of this fic is going places. SOON. Warning for animal death. Rook is out with Neve (Neverook) when the drinking scene takes place.

Lucanis took a longer sip from the mug, closing his eyes with a sigh. Davrin watched him from the armchair in the corner, lounging with his legs stretched toward the table and his arms resting lazily against the sides of the chair.

“Well, now you have to tell me,” Davrin teased, letting his head fall back against the mosaic, his eyes half-closed.

“That bronco…” Lucanis groaned, lowering his cup so that both arms were crossed in front of his chest. “All right, so you’ve heard Harding’s commentary on how much assassins are paid, yes?”

Davrin hummed. “’Lots,’” he quoted, keeping a straight face.

The assassin cast him a dark look, but Davrin just smiled at him like a cat, all playful innocence.

“Half of our contracts,” said Lucanis, and he paused, looking for words. He looked like he was trying not to ruin the warm mood, and Davrin waited him out. “Most of them, really, are games of one-upmanship among the merchant princes and foreign nobility.”

“So how does a horse factor into that?” asked Davrin, keeping his tone light. “It was a horse, right?”

“You would think!” said Lucanis, his voice lighting up with exasperation as he tipped his cup toward Davrin. “So here I am at the estate of a horse breeder in Southern Antiva who’s pushed some other merchant far enough that they’ve hired a Crow to teach him a lesson. It’s after dinner, so most of the ranch hands are indoors and drinking. And me? I’m much too pleased with myself because, let me tell you, the oxtail stew at the place I was staying, with one of the local red wines?”

“To die for?” asked Davrin.

“You understand. I skirt around the outside of the villa,” he said, “And I make my way toward the pasture where I’ve been told that the prince’s prized breeding stallion is kept. It’s a warm enough time of year, but that should have been a warning sign, you know?”

“Ha,” said Davrin, “Not like a prince to let his favourite animal roam outside of a paddock. At night.”

“And the dehesa, the pasture with the trees, it was communal property,” Lucanis said, pressing a hand to his forehead and running it down his face. “Everyone let their animals graze there.”

Davrin chuckled. “But even someone trying to keep a wild horse would keep the stud in a separate pasture.”

“I didn’t know anything about horses!” said Lucanis with a laugh, setting both forearms on the armrest and leaning forward. “I thought all I needed to do was track the damn bronco and—” he interrupted himself and sighed.

“I’m not that fragile,” said Davrin. He picked up his cup and took a sip of the wine. It was some Tevinter white that he’d picked up in Docktown the last time they’d been through, but Lucanis hadn’t complained about it, and this wasn't the first bottle of it. “So you’re a hotshot baby assassin loaded up with good food and wine, and you’re planning to kill a horse.”

Lucanis leaned forward out of his seat, and through the warm haze of the alcohol and conversation, Davrin let himself admire the liquid grace of the other man. Lucanis came to his feet in an effortless motion and stalked over to the wine bottle on Davrin’s side of the table. He swayed, just a little, as he entered Davrin’s space, leaning toward the hunter like there was a magnetic field that he had to pull away from.

Well. That was interesting.

“It was not just a horse,” Lucanis grumbled, pouring himself a serving of the wine and meeting Davrin’s eyes with too-deliberate calm. “Do you want a top up?” he asked, hefting the bottle.

Davrin let his head tilt to the side as he studied Lucanis standing above him. He held up the cup so Lucanis could pour. “Sure.”

The assassin didn't meet his eyes as he emptied the bottle into Davrin’s cup, and he watched the stream of wine with more focus and care than the task called for. Davrin had to hide a smile at that.

“It was perfect, Davrin,” he complained as he set down the bottle, pulling back and leaning against the mosaic, just out of Davrin’s reach. “I was downwind, nobody had spotted me, and I had a crossbow bolt loaded with enough poison to painlessly kill a horse.”

Davrin leaned forward. “Did you miss?”

Lucanis scoffed. “I did not miss. The bolt hit the horse dead on.”

“So what happened?”

“It exploded,” said Lucanis, “And then I had a skeletal nightmare horse with a flaming head standing directly in front of me, staring into my soul.”

“Yeah,” said Davrin, looking the man directly in the eye as he brought the cup to his lips. “That happens.”

“I was seventeen and had never seen livestock explode into a demon,” said Lucanis dryly. “If it had been a fight, it wouldn't have been nearly as memorable. That demon turned tail and ran like the wind.”

“What?” said Davrin, with a laugh. “I have never seen that happen. It's always a rage demon or something. Tries to smash you flat on the spot.”

“Well this one ran,” said Lucanis, his eyes sparkling as he leaned back so that both shoulders touched the tiles on the wall. He crossed one leg over the other, both arms still crossed. “I had to track that demon through the foothills for weeks.”

Davrin snorted. “You were a big, scary Crow even then, huh?”

“I was a scrawny youth who had barely learned to hold a sword at the right end,” Lucanis corrected, “And I was wearing new boots.”

“Ouch.”

Lucanis give him a small smile and let his eyes dart back to the coffee cup, like he was pleased his story had hit with the right impact. The man swirled the wine in the cup.

[missmoonfrost]

Astronomy homework

@wolfstarmicrofic - January 28: First tears - Words: 515 - Warnings: Child abuse

Chilly night air blew in through the openings and ruffled the papers strewn about between Sirius and Remus on the floor. They had the astronomy tower to themselves, going over their star charts due on Monday.

Remus marked another constellation off, trying his best not to think to hard on why Sirius suddenly took his homework seriously. Truth be told he appreciated both the company and Sirius' subtle advice.

“I left more space between Procyon and Alnath, both Orion and Gemini go in between. But you could of course mark the area off and draw a magnification beside.”

Remus looked at his parchment. “You’re right. How in Merlin’s beard do you know the entire sky by heart?”

“I was forced to learn… you know.”

The peculiar tone of the almost question at the end of Sirius’ statement made Remus look up. He’d known from the beginning Sirius didn’t need half the time he did to complete this task. With the way Sirius’ wide clear eyes peered into his soul, he couldn’t pretend to believe it wasn’t something else that had brought him here anymore.

"I couldn't help to notice... some things..." Sirius continued.

Remus held his breath. Here it came. Of course, brilliant observant Sirius had put it all together. He never missed anything.

 “How anxious you are before and how tired you are after. The bruises. Sometimes you’re even limping.”

Sirius slowly put his feather pen down and rested his hands on his lap without taking his eyes off Remus.

“When you go visit your family… what really happens?”

Remus couldn’t help but pull his knees up and bury his face against them. Couldn’t help but let out a sob, unbecomingly childlike for the twelve-year-old he actually was. This was the end of their two years of friendship. This was the end of his time at Hogwarts and his dream of getting included as a normal member of the wizarding world.

Sirius' hand awkwardly patted his back, then his arm wrapped securely around him. “It’s all right. I… My family. They hurt me too.”

Remus looked up, confused. “What? They do?”

Sirius gave him a sad smile. “They do.”

Guilt sprung up in Remus' chest and he pulled his arms around Sirius instead. Sirius was the one who really needed to be comforted. “Oh, Sirius. I’m so sorry!”

They shared a long warm hug, reminding Remus of home and the comfort of being a child curling up in his mother’s lap. He could lie. He could go along with Sirius' story. But that would be misappropriating Sirius’ trust. And he was so tired of sneaking and hiding, never fully able to make it believable anyway.

Remus wiped his tears and leaned back. “When I’m gone every month, I’m not visiting my family.

Sirius’ brows furrowed. “Then who…?”

“Myself. I am a werewolf.”

Sirius stared at him in stunned silence so long Remus started to wonder if he had made a terrible mistake before Sirius wetted his lips and spoke. “You… Oh… I’m sorry.”

They hugged again, tight and comforting. “Thank you for telling me.”

[annafayeink]

Canvas of Lies

summary: Cate’s life is a careful balance of paint-splattered sweaters, rejection emails, and dreams too big to fit in her tiny apartment. Lu’s life is all charm, designer sneakers, and family obligations that come with impossible expectations. They’re best friends, polar opposites—and suddenly fake dating to help Lu survive a high-stakes family dinner. What starts as an improvised act becomes a whirlwind of tangled stories, unspoken truths, and moments that blur the line between pretend and reality. In the chaos of lies they craft together, Cate and Lu might just uncover the truths they’ve been avoiding all along.

warnings & tags: best friends to lovers; fake dating; mutual pining; slow burn; emotional hurt/comfort; fluff, angst & humor; eventual romance & smut;

Read on ao3

Chapter Four

It was late afternoon, and the sunlight was softening and slanting through the trees. Lu and I strolled side by side down a quiet park path, close enough for our arms to brush occasionally. I’d insisted we take a detour past the fountain because it was my favourite place around here and, as usual, Lu hadn’t argued.

The backs of our hands touched, just for a moment, before his fingers threaded through mine. I knew exactly how Lu’s hand felt in mine, but now I couldn’t stop noticing things I’d never paid attention to before—the slight roughness of his palm, the way his fingers curled so naturally around mine. How had I never noticed that before?

It wasn’t the first time we’d held hands; we’d done it a million times before, like when we were crossing a busy street, when we wanted to keep track of each other at concerts or even when I needed a tug to keep up with his long strides. But this time, it felt different. Intentional. Like it meant something. Like it was staged.

I squeezed his hand and glanced down at our intertwined fingers. “Does this feel weird to you?”

“What? Holding your hand?” He raised an eyebrow, that familiar smirk tugging at his lips. “Not really. I’ve done it before.”

“Yeah, but not like this.” I gestured vaguely with my free hand, already feeling heat rise to my cheeks. “Not to make it look like we’re... you know.”

He tilted his head, considering. “Like we’re a couple?”

“Exactly.” I sighed. “It’s just holding hands. It shouldn’t feel like a big deal, right? But now it kinda does.”

Lu didn’t let go of my hand, but his thumb ran absently over mine. “Okay, maybe it feels a little weird when you put it that way. But it’s really no big deal. We’re overthinking it.”

For a second, I thought I caught something in his expression—something unreadable. But then he smirked like always, and I told myself I was imagining things.

“Maybe.” I let out a breath, glancing down at our linked fingers. The shape of his hand felt familiar in mine, but now I couldn’t stop wondering if this looked right.

Lu tugged me to an empty bench and we sat down. He stretched his legs out in front of him, and pulled his hand away to let his arm rest along the back of the bench. I leaned into it without hesitation, like I always did—the motion was so automatic I didn’t even realise it happened until I was already pressed against his side.

I glanced at his arm behind me and he caught me doing it. “What?” he asked, his voice laced with amusement.

“We’ve always been like this. Kind of… all over each other. Why does it feel different now that we’re trying to make it look like we’re dating?”

“Does it feel different?”

“It does to me. We always sit like this, it’s nothing. But now I’m wondering if someone’s watching us and thinking, ‘Wow, what a cute couple.’ And that thought feels... weird.”

He chuckled, his fingers brushing my shoulder lightly as he leaned back. “You are overthinking it. People can’t tell the difference between natural and staged anyway. If we’re comfortable, it’ll look real.”

“That’s exactly my point,” I said. “We’ve always been comfortable like this. What does that say about us?”

Lu didn’t answer right away. Instead, he squinted at the sun, as if it would help him pinpoint the answer to all of my questions. “That’s why people have always assumed we were… more,” he said, after a while. His voice was light, but there was something unreadable in his expression, something that made my stomach twist.

“I guess that’s why I’m overthinking all of this. Before it was just us being us. But now that we’re supposed to actually look like a couple, I’m suddenly aware of every single move we make.”

“Yeah, I understand that.” With the hand over my shoulder, he picked up a small strand of my hair and twirled it absently around his fingers.

I reached for his hand again. He didn’t hesitate, his fingers curling around mine like it was the most natural thing in the world. For a moment, the noise of the park faded, and it was just us on the bench, the world holding its breath. It wasn’t staged. It wasn’t strange. It just was.

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, watching as a dog sprinted past, chasing a red ball. A little boy squealed with delight as his kite finally caught the breeze, its tail dancing in the air. I followed its path, my mind wandering.

“You know what’s funny? I keep thinking people are watching us, but I haven’t actually looked at anyone else. What if nobody even cares?”

Lu chuckled, low and warm. “They probably don’t. Most people are too caught up in their own lives to notice stuff like this.” He gestured toward the small crowd milling about the park. “But if it makes you feel better, we can give them something to look at.”

I raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Oh, really? And what exactly would that be?”

He leaned closer, mischief lighting up his face. “A grand romantic gesture. I could sweep you into my arms, dip you back, maybe even twirl you around a little. Really sell the whole ‘madly in love’ thing.”

I laughed, shoving his shoulder. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Am I?” He leaned back, grinning like he’d just won something. “I think I’d be pretty convincing.”

“I swear,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him, “if you ever try that, I’ll trip you before you even get to the twirl.”

“Noted.” His grin didn’t falter, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

“You know,” I started, unable to keep a more serious tone away from my voice, “I don’t think I’ve ever done this with anyone else. Just... sit and be comfortable, like this.”

Lu’s gaze shifted to me, thoughtful. “Not even with Eric?”

I shook my head. “No. With him, everything always felt... I don’t know. Performative. Like there was a script. Like I had to try.”

I paused, considering my own words. Maybe that was the difference. With Lu, I didn’t have to try at all. I never had to think about what to do or how to act—I just was.

I cleared my throat. “He’d say something flirty and I’d laugh and touch his arm because that was expected or something. I guess that’s why it didn’t work out.”

He nodded, quiet for a beat before saying, “Yeah. I get that.” His voice was softer than usual, like the words carried a weight he didn’t want to drop on me. “I never really had that kind of comfort with anyone else either.”

That made me glance up at him, surprised. “Really? I thought you were always the smooth, cutesy boyfriend type.”

“I mean, sure, I played the part.” His lips curved into a faint smile, but his eyes were distant, looking somewhere else entirely. “But it was always surface-level. Never... this.”

There was something about the sincerity in his voice that made my chest tighten. I brushed it off, focusing on the comfort of the moment instead. “Guess we’re pretty lucky, huh? Being this comfortable with each other.”

“Yeah.” His voice was quiet, thoughtful, and in his smile there was a hint of sadness. “Lucky.”

The hum of the park filled the quiet between us, the occasional laughter of strangers drifting on the breeze. A couple passed by, arms linked, smiling like they were in their own little world. I watched them, their natural closeness, the way they moved together without thinking. It made me wonder why this, sitting here with Lu, felt so comfortable.

“Do you think it’s weird that we’ve always been like this?” I asked suddenly.

Lu tilted his head. “Like what?”

“This.” I gestured between us. “The touching, the leaning, the casual... everything. Most people don’t have this with their friends, right? So why is it so normal for us?”

He considered the question, his thumb rubbing absentmindedly over the back of my hand. “I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s just... us. Some people are wired for that kind of closeness, and some aren’t. We just happen to be the kind of people who don’t need all those boundaries.”

“Maybe.” I sighed. “But now that we’re trying to make it look romantic, it’s like I can’t stop analysing it. Like, what if all those little things we’ve always done have been toeing the line this whole time, and we just didn’t realize it?”

Lu turned to face me, his expression softer than I expected. “Cate, if anyone else ever thought we were something more…” He hesitated, just for a second, then shook his head slightly. “That’s on them. We’ve always known what we are. And just because we’re pretending now doesn’t change any of that.”

His words sank in, and I nodded slowly, even as my mind lingered on the question. “Yeah. You’re right.”

His arm shifted from the back of the bench to wrap around my shoulders, pulling me close. It was a gesture I’d felt a hundred times before, but today, it made my stomach flutter. I told myself it was just the new context—the whole fake-dating thing—but the feeling didn’t go away.

“You okay?” Lu asked, his voice low, almost hesitant.

“Yeah.” I leaned into him, resting my head against his shoulder. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“About how convincing we are,” I said, trying to keep the mood light. “I mean, if I didn’t know us, I’d totally buy it.”

Lu smirked. “Well, we are a pretty great team.”

I tilted my head up to look at him. “We are, aren’t we?”

Our eyes met, and for a split second, the world seemed to tilt—not dramatically, but enough to make my breath catch. It was just a moment, a flicker of something unspoken that I had to force back down into hiding.

I was just starting to relax, the rhythm of Lu’s thumb brushing against my shoulder soothing in a way I didn’t want to think too hard about, when a voice cut through the quiet behind us.

“Cate? Luigi?”

My head snapped up, my heart lurching as I spotted Emma and her boyfriend, Alex, walking toward us. Emma—an old friend from college I still texted occasionally but hadn’t seen in months—was waving enthusiastically, dragging Alex along like she’d just found treasure.

Lu straightened beside me, his arm still draped casually around my shoulders, and shot me a quick glance. His raised eyebrow said it all: Well, here we go.

“Emma! Hey!” I forced a cheerful smile, sitting up a little straighter but not moving out of Lu’s hold. I couldn’t, not without making it more awkward. “It’s been a while!”

“I know!” Emma practically beamed as she reached us, pulling me into a quick hug before taking a step back.

“I didn’t even know you were back in town!” I said.

Her eyes darted to Lu, and then back to me. “And I definitely didn’t know this was happening.”

My stomach flipped, the weight of her curiosity pressing down on me. I laughed—too quickly—and gestured between Lu and me. “Oh, yeah. It’s, uh...a recent development.”

A recent development. That was one way to put it. Another way would be a complete and utter lie that had just become significantly harder to manage.

Emma’s eyes widened like she’d just stumbled onto the juiciest gossip of the year. “I thought you’d still be attached at the hip but not this!”

She turned to Alex and he elbowed her lightly. “Didn’t I tell you? I always said they were too close to not end up together eventually!”

“You did,” she agreed, chuckling. “I think I owe you ten bucks.”

I could feel my cheeks heating up, the flush creeping all the way to my ears. Beside me, Lu’s lips twitched in amusement, clearly enjoying this far too much.

“We were just taking a walk,” I said quickly, desperate to steer the conversation anywhere else.

But Emma wasn’t letting it go. “You know, at first I thought you two had some kind of unspoken thing going on. And then you told me—what was it you said?” She tapped her chin dramatically, as if trying to jog her memory. “Oh! Right. ‘He’s like my soulmate but strictly platonic’, wasn’t it?”

Lu let out a laugh, low and warm, and I shot him a warning glare. That, of course, only encouraged him. I couldn’t tell if the glint in his eyes was just amusement or something else but I didn’t have time to analyse it.

“Well,” he said smoothly, leaning back with that infuriating smirk of his, “she wasn’t wrong about the soulmate part.”

Emma clasped her hands together, grinning like she’d just read the happy ending of a romance novel. “See? I knew it! I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks, Emma. It’s, uh...been nice,” I said, my smile stretched so tight it might have cracked.

“We should catch up soon. I want all the details,” Emma added, her enthusiasm bubbling over.

“Of course!” I chirped, already mentally plotting how to avoid that conversation.

Emma finally let herself be pulled along by Alex, her smile radiant as she waved over her shoulder. “It was so good to see you two! You look amazing together!”

I managed to smile, but something about her words clung to me. Did we?

As soon as they were out of earshot, I slumped back against the bench, groaning softly. “I cannot believe that just happened.”

Lu’s laugh rang out beside me, his arm slipping from my shoulders as he stretched out along the back of the bench. “I think it went pretty well.”

I turned to glare at him, though I knew there was no real bite to it. “I cannot believe you called yourself my soulmate.”

He raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching into that smug grin I both hated and couldn’t help but find endearing. “Technically, it was you who called me your soulmate. I’m just going along with it.”

I groaned again, burying my face in my hands. “Remind me to never tell Emma anything ever again.”

Lu nudged me with his shoulder. “Oh, come on. Admit it—it was kind of funny.”

Peeking at him through my fingers, I sighed heavily. “You’re insufferable.”

“And yet,” he said, grinning, “you insist on keeping me around.”

As Emma and Alex disappeared into the distance, Lu turned to me, his smirk firmly in place. I knew that look, and I knew nothing good ever followed it.

“So,” he said, his tone dripping with mischief, “what else have you been telling people about me? Should I be worried?”

I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. “Please don’t start.”

“Oh, I’m starting,” he said, shifting on the bench to face me fully. “Come on, soulmate. Spill. Do you go around telling people I’m secretly in love with you too? Or maybe that I cry during rom-coms?”

“You do cry during rom-coms.”

“Excuse you, but people who don’t cry during Notting Hill are soulless.”

I laughed. “I don’t know, it’s not like I go around making speeches about you.”

“People have always been curious about us. If you’ve been calling me your soulmate—strictly platonic, of course—I can only imagine what other gems you’ve been dropping.”

My fingers fidgeted with the hem of my shirt as I hesitated. “Honestly? I don’t really talk about you like that.” I glanced at him, my expression softening. “But... I have told people you’re the person I trust most. Like, if I need to hide a body at 3am you’ll show up with a shovel no questions asked. That you’re always there for me no matter what.”

Lu blinked, the teasing fading from his face as something quieter, almost vulnerable, took its place. When he spoke, his voice had lost its usual lightness, and became softer. “Oh.”

“When I’m having the worst days you always know how to make everything better without me having to ask. I tell them you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“That’s… actually really nice to hear.”

I smiled, nudging his knee with mine. “Your turn. What do you tell people about me?”

He tilted his head, pretending to think. “Hmm. I tell them you’re my arch-nemesis and that I only keep you around to plot your eventual downfall.”

I laughed, shoving his shoulder. “Be serious.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, holding up his hands in surrender. His gaze softened as he looked at me, his smile less mischievous now. “I tell people you’re brilliant. And stubborn. And probably the funniest person I know.” He paused, his voice dropping just a little. “I also tell them you’re the only person who really gets me. Like, in a way no one else does.”

The words hung in the air between us, heavier than I expected. I knew Lu and I understood each other deeply. That wasn’t new. But hearing him say it—out loud, like it was something undeniable—made my chest feel too tight.

I stared at him, the usual playfulness between us fading into something... deeper. I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came. Instead, I reached over and laced my fingers through his again, giving his hand a small squeeze.

Lu looked down at our hands, then back up at me, his smile returning, this time softer, more genuine. “See? It’s not so bad, being my soulmate.”

I groaned, the warmth in my cheeks betraying me. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Never,” he said, kissing my hair. That gesture was so brief and familiar it should have meant nothing. But it did. It did, and I wasn’t quite ready to think about why.

I shook my head to pretend I was annoyed at him, but the smile tugging at my lips betrayed me. As we sat there, fingers intertwined and the sounds of the park fading into the background, it felt... easy. Maybe too easy.

“Hey, Lu?” I said softly, breaking the silence.

“Yeah?” he replied, his focus still on his thumb brushing my skin.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

That got his attention. His head snapped up, eyebrows raised as he gave me a curious look. “So we're really leaning into that, huh?”

I shrugged, trying to play it cool, but I didn’t look away. “I’m serious. Do you?”

He leaned back, letting my hand rest in his lap as he considered it. “I don’t know,” he said after a moment. “I think... If soulmates are real, it’s not just about love. Not about romance or some magical ‘meant to be’ thing. It’s more about finding someone who just... fits. Someone who makes everything feel a little less complicated.”

I nodded slowly, his words settling somewhere deep in my soul. “That makes sense.”

He tilted his head, studying me. “What about you? Do you believe in that?”

I hesitated, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. “I used to,” I admitted quietly. “I thought I’d found mine once.”

His brows furrowed, concern flickering in his expression. “Really?”

“You remember Mike, the guy I was dating when we met? You know, before Eric?”

“Vaguely,” he nodded. “I only met him a few times.”

“Yeah. I thought he was it.” I shrugged. “He made me laugh, he made me feel special... and then it all fell apart.” I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “I really thought I was going to spend my life with him. But looking back, I don’t think he ever really... knew me. Not the way you do.”

Lu’s grip on my hand tightened just slightly, his voice softer now. “I remember how much it hurt when it ended. But I never realized it was that deep for you.”

I gave him a small, sad smile. “I didn’t let you see how bad it was. You already did so much just being there for me—I didn’t want to dump everything on you.”

“You could’ve,” he said, his tone firm but gentle. “I would’ve been okay with that.”

“I know.” I paused, exhaling slowly. “That’s the thing, though. You’re the one person I don’t want to burden. You’re... different.”

He didn’t respond right away, his gaze fixed on our joined hands. When he finally spoke, his voice was quieter, more vulnerable than I’d ever heard it. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.”

I blinked, startled. “Never?”

Lu shook his head, a rueful smile tugging at his lips. “Nope. I’ve dated, sure, but... it’s never felt like something I couldn’t live without. It’s like, the closer I get to someone, the more scared I get of giving them too much of me. Love... it always seems to end with someone getting hurt. And I’ve never been ready to take that risk.”

I looked at him again, this time with something closer to understanding. “Do you think you’ll ever be ready?”

“Maybe.” His expression was unreadable. “If I find the right person.”

Something painful tightened in my chest. “Well, when you do, let me know. I’ll have to approve of them, obviously.”

“Obviously,” he agreed, his smile widening. And then, quietly, he added, “There’s only one person I’ve ever even considered spending my life with.”

He tilted his head, almost as if to search my eyes, and my breath caught in my throat. I didn’t need to ask who he meant. The way he was looking at me said it all.

“Not in a romantic way, necessarily, but just... someone I know I can trust. Someone I know will never break my heart.”

“Oh Lu...” I started, my voice barely above a whisper.

He cut me off with a soft smile. “Don’t. It’s not a big deal. It’s just the way things are. You’re... safe, Cate. You always have been.”

My chest stung, emotions swirling inside me too fast to untangle. I didn’t really know what to say, so I settled for squeezing his hand, my thumb brushing over his knuckles. “You’re safe for me too, you know.”

The weight of the moment hung between us, unspoken but impossible to ignore. I wasn’t sure what compelled me to move closer, but I did. I lifted my hand, pausing only for a heartbeat before reaching up to slip my fingers into his hair. It was soft, a little messy from the breeze, and the familiar gesture grounded me in a way nothing else could.

Lu closed his eyes briefly, leaning ever so slightly into my touch. Then I let my hand slide down to rest on his shoulder, just below his neck. I shifted closer until our sides were pressed together, and without thinking, I brushed my nose against his cheek. His breath hitched—just barely, just enough for me to notice.

The warmth of his skin sent a shiver through me, but I ignored it, focusing instead on the steady rhythm of his breathing. “You’re safe,” I repeated, my voice barely audible.

He turned his head just enough to look at me, his expression softer than I’d ever seen it. “Cate…” he started, his voice low and reverent, but whatever he was about to say faded.

Instead, we just sat there, my arm draped over him and my head leaning against his. His hand came to rest just above my knee, with his thumb stroking lazy patterns as always. The noise of the park seemed to fade, the rest of the world falling away until it was just us.

And for a moment, it didn’t matter that this was supposed to be an act. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought.

Because this? This was real.

I let my eyes close for a second, breathing him in—the faint scent of his cologne, the warmth of him. It was effortless, the kind of comfort that didn’t ask for permission because it didn’t need to.

“See?” he murmured. “This is why we don’t have to overthink it.”

I tilted my head up slightly, my temple still resting against his cheek. “What?”

“This,” he said, giving my leg the lightest squeeze. “Being close. Acting like a couple. If we just don’t overthink it, it’ll come naturally.”

I exhaled a soft laugh. “You’re saying we just have to keep doing what we’re already doing?”

“Basically.”

I hummed, considering that. He had a point. No one would question a thing if we just carried ourselves like this—like we belonged close, like we fit.

A new thought wormed its way into my head, and before I could talk myself out of it, I asked, “Do you think there’ll be a moment at the party where we’ll have to kiss?”

Lu went still for half a second. Then I felt the slow rise of his chest as he inhaled.

“Maybe,” he admitted. “I mean, it might be expected at some point. Depends on the circumstances, I guess.”

I shifted just enough to glance up at him. His expression was unreadable, but his grip on me hadn’t loosened.

“Would it be weird?” I asked, my voice quieter now.

He was quiet for a moment, like he was turning the idea over in his mind. “Maybe,” he said finally. “Would it bother you? To kiss me?”

I let out a soft laugh, leaning my head fully against his shoulder again. “I don't think so. Would it bother you?”

His thumb moved absentmindedly against my thigh, a barely-there gesture. “No,” he said quietly. “Not really.”

My fingers toyed with the collar of his shirt for a while, my gaze distant as my mind worked through something I couldn’t quite name.

Finally, I broke the silence, my tone deliberately casual. “You know... maybe we should just get it over with.”

Lu turned to me, his brow furrowing in confusion. “Get what over with?”

I looked at him like the answer was obvious. “The kiss.”

His eyes widened slightly, and he blinked at me. “The kiss?”

“Yes,” I said, sitting up straighter, my arms crossing over my chest as if to bolster my argument. “I mean, think about it. It’ll probably happen tomorrow, right? And if we just... do it now, it won’t be weird when it does. We’ll already know what to expect.”

Lu stared at me, his lips parting as though he was about to protest, but no words came out. Finally, he let out a low laugh, shaking his head. “You’re serious?”

“Of course,” I replied, fixing him with a challenging look. “You’re the one who wanted to rehearse everything. This is just... another part of the act. Right?”

He leaned back against the bench, brushing a hand through his hair. “Cate, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but my kisses have been described as addictive. If you end up hooked, that’s on you.”

I rolled my eyes, though I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped me. “Addictive, huh? Well, just so you know, I kissed a guy once, and he was so overwhelmed his knees nearly buckled. So honestly, this is just as dangerous for you.”

Lu barked out a laugh, the sound warm and familiar, and shook his head. “Oh, really? Are we comparing stats now?”

I smirked, leaning in slightly. “All I’m saying is, if one of us ends up regretting this, it’s not gonna be me.”

For a moment, he just looked at me, the teasing glint in his eyes softening as he realized I wasn’t backing down. He exhaled, his smile lingering at the corners of his mouth. “Alright,” he said finally, shifting to face me. “If you’re so sure about this, let’s do it. But just so we’re clear—when you fall in love with me after this, I’m still going to blame you.”

My heart was suddenly pounding in my chest, but I kept my voice steady. “Deal.”

We moved closer, our legs pressed together, and the playful atmosphere gave way to something quieter, heavier. My gaze flicked from his eyes to his lips and back again, and I swallowed against the sudden tightness in my throat.

“Okay,” I said softly, my voice more breathless than I intended.

“Okay,” he echoed. His tone was easy, but his eyes flicked down to my lips.

I knew this was probably a terrible idea. But instead of pulling back, I leaned in. I didn’t want to second-guess myself any more than I already had.

He met me halfway and for a moment, the world seemed to still.

His lips were warm and soft, the kiss unhurried and careful. Not exactly tentative, just thoughtful. Like he was as aware as I was of how this could change things.

It lasted a few seconds, long enough for my hand to find its way back to his shoulder, for his thumb to brush absently against my shin. It was enough to make my stomach flip and my pulse race, like every inch of my skin was crackling with electricity.

We pulled back, almost at the same time. When I opened my eyes, his were still closed. He inhaled slowly, like he needed a second to ground himself before facing me again.

“Well?” I asked. I tried to sound casual even though my heart was racing. I failed.

He tilted his head, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Not bad. I can see how someone’s knees might buckle.”

I laughed, swatting his arm. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious,” he said, his tone laced with amusement. “You might be dangerous after all.”

I rolled my eyes, but a smile tugged at my lips despite myself. “Well, now you know what to expect. No excuses if you mess it up tomorrow.”

“Mess it up?” Lu scoffed, leaning back with a confident grin. “Cate, if anything, I’m going to steal the show.”

I shook my head, laughing softly. Then I leaned against him again, settling my head back on his shoulder. His warmth was a steady presence, grounding me. My hand rested on his chest, fingertips lightly brushing the fabric of his shirt.

And then I felt it.

His heartbeat. Fast, unsteady, thumping against my palm.

I didn’t pull away, didn’t flinch. I just let the feeling sink in, the thrum of him beneath my hand, trying to make sense of everything.

But the longer I stayed there, the more I noticed. The more I felt. His breath, shallow but even. The way his muscles tensed slightly under my hand. How he didn’t seem to notice that his heart was racing.

And how, despite the way it made me feel—like I might be on the edge of something huge—I couldn’t bring myself to mention it. I didn’t want to overthink.

We just sat there, quiet and still, as if the world hadn’t quite caught up with what had just happened. We both pretended it was just another rehearsal, a necessary part of the act. But as the silence settled around us and the moment stretched out, I couldn’t deny that something had shifted between us. I couldn’t quite shake the way my lips still tingled from his.

And the way he looked at me—like he was thinking the exact same thing—only made it harder to ignore. He didn't say anything either. He didn't have to.

--

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Requesting Aid part 1

Tagged: @sleepyfan-blog @c-u-c-koo-4-40k @i-am-a-dragon34 @ms--lobotomy @jaghatai-khock

tagged: @kit-williams @whorety-k @bleedingichorhearts @thevoidscreams @gra93fruit-blog

Tagged: @felinisnoctis @bispecsual

Author's note: More of Kerubiel in Husbandry. Thank you to @c-u-c-koo-4-40k for letting me borrow Khopesh, and Lullaby as well as collabing with me on this fic. Thank you to @sleepyfan-blog for letting me borrow Cedric... Also thank you to both of Sleepy and C-u-c-koo for giving me Some Wonderful Ideas.

Author's note 2: This is set after the events of Draco getting captured. This is a bit of a jump in Kerubiel's time line. More of his early story will he posted later. I was just listening to lore on Primaris Dark Angels and just had to get this written.

Authors Note 3: This will be a two part series. It's all told a little over 13k words! Thanks again to @kit-williams, @sleepyfan-blog, and @c-u-c-koo-4-40k for helping with this part of the story. :)

Summary: Kerubiel, much to his displeasure, has to meet up with some of his older brothers, without any of his fellow Primaris there. So he asks Khopesh for help. It totally won't go wrong.

Warning: kidnapping, torture and interrogation, drugging, truth drugs, mind control, mind manipulation, stabbing, near death experiences, Let me know if I need to add anything.

Kerubiel finds the person he's been looking for and calls out to Khopesh, "Khopesh? Can I speak with you privately for a moment?"

"Sure," Khophesh says carefully. The Cub tended to be growly, but was getting better.

"I need you to stab me up through here and into one of my hearts. It won't kill me, but it will activate my Belisarian Furnace." He states, with a very serious expression on his face, "And we have to be quick about it."

Khopesh blinks before responding. "...Tell me why. I'm not saying no...but tell me why." Khopesh says, of all the things he thought he'd hear from Kerubiel, that…that was not one of them.

Kerubiel scowls, but not at Khopesh, "I am forced to interact with some fellow Dark Angels." He twitches a little, "The pride of lions has an Apothecary and an Interrogator Chaplain." His hands clenched into fists as he prowled around the room, Kerubiel had handed over the knife to Khopesh as he'd asked the question. "The First Borns in M42, especially the Dark Angels," He explains, unhappy to speak of such things to an outsider- but fuck those high handed first born bastards.

"The First Born so called brothers of mine had some /interesting/ protocols for us Primaris marines. Whenever they would have us checked over after battle, sent to the Apothecary to be healed. Or sent to a Chaplain of our Gene-line...." He pauses looking more angry than he's ever been, a flash of hurt on his face, "They would use brainwashing on us, twist our minds to blank obedience and compliance. Then…they would then send us into battle- 'they make good bullet sponges'. Bastards."

He clenches and unclenches his hands, "The only way for - for us to /remember/ what those bastards did to us- to make it so that we wouldn't be twisted into their meat shields is to have our Bellisarian Furnace active. So we - I, can remember what... what they make us do. To ensure that I ... I am myself instead of their /puppet/."

"The stipulations for these brothers is that I have to go myself- none of my fellow Primaris Marines- no, non-sons of the Lion can meet them." Kerubiel's shoulders droop, "please. I don't... I don't want them to take my mind from me.. to- to make me tell them what I don't want to... they could... they could take me away from Gannet Point- from ... from the Pride I have formed with the Primaris here. Please. Khopesh I-... fuck. I don't want my brothers to take my mind from me again. Khopesh please. You- you have helped Claude and the others before... You... seem trustworthy enough..."

Khopesh takes in a deep breath as he processes what he's learning, "Are you Sure you don't want me to just kill them? Cause I can do that for you. I'll make it look like an accident and /Everything/."

He watches Kerubiel for the moment as the Dark Angel mulls over his counteroffer, the more he learns about how poorly the Primaris Marines were treated by their older brother, the more their reactions to everything makes sense. No wonder they could get so... hostile and weird about things so quickly.

Kerubiel responds with a hesitant, but honest, "I'm not sure if they are the brainwashing types or not. If they are, yes I want you to kill them and make it look like an accident."

"Alright fine I'll do this for you. But the Moment! You get back to base, you trot your ass to the apothecary. And you didn't get stabbed by Me. Understood?" Khopesh says sternly. He doesn't want to leave the younger marine stabbed and surrounded by potential enemies who were, on the outside, nominally older brothers and allies.

"Thank you!" Kerubiel almost looks like he's going to cry or hug Khopesh but blinks firmly and his hands twitch, "of course, you are doing me a favor, I'm not going to rat you out for stabbing me because I asked you to."

"While I appreciate that…Oh who am I kidding of course they'll ask questions. Just tell them I got too into it and stabbed you in a spar. They'll believe that. Ah...the Loyalists may not even need to be Told. They'd assume it was one of us. Better they just think it's me rather than Claude or Anrir or Karlsy. Most people know I'm...energetic." Khopesh says with a huff and a shake of his head.

Kerubiel nods, "very well- and they know I tend to say things that piss you off anyways... even though half the time I don't intend to."

"Ah you're getting better. And you haven't reoffended since. No hard feelings, little cub!” Khopesh growls playfully, ruffling the lion cubs short mane.

Khopesh turns the knife over in his hands. “So...am I supposed to stab you Now? Or do you want to like...be a little closer to the meeting point?" Khopesh asks, he feels a little honored that Kerubiel of all the Primaris was starting to trust him. It was a good thing though. He'll tell Anrir about this shit show later.

"Closer to the meeting point. too soon, and I'll heal too much before the meeting happens." Kerubiel says. "I'll take you near where the location is."

"And...what if the meeting goes on for a while? What then?" Khopesh asks, as Kerubiel bleeding out and dying was a very real possibility with this plan.

"I will either heal or die," Kerubiel says with a shrug, then he adds saying, " I can also still use my teleporting power to get the hell out of the meeting if it goes on too long."

Khopesh stared at him for a moment, "Alright, let's go…meet, your older brothers, then.”

Kerubiel nods and begins walking. And though still uncertain about…ALL of this Khopesh follows.

…

They come to a stop near where his brothers set the meeting place. It's near a clearing in the forest where he'd first landed on Ancient Terra. "They are only just out of hearing range. Time to stab."

"Are you sure about this?" Khopesh asks Kerubiel.

"Yes, if you stab me now, by the time I get to the meeting I will have stopped bleeding enough for me to claim it's older than it is while having my Furnace activated."

"Alright, here goes nothing." Khopesh says as he swiftly moves and stabs Kerubiel with near lethal precision, up through the ribs and into one of his Hearts.

Kerubiel grunts in pain and then nods jerkily as Khopesh backs off with blade in hand. Kerubiel shoves a bandage in the wound to keep his blood from dripping on his armor. His blood clots and his furnace is activated. He nods towards Khopesh, "thanks for your help." He grunts before turning and making his way to the meeting location.

Khopesh nods, but he doesn't walk away. He's going to wait a few minutes before following Kerubiel. Because while the Primaris was uncertain whether these brothers were mind stealing assholes or not, Khopesh wasn't going to merely sit back and hope for a better outcome.

Part of him wanted to give the younger Scout some backup, even if he didn't realize he had some. Khopesh has heard that Dark Angels' legion could be paranoid and a secretive bunch. It's likely part of why the Dark Angels had Not come to Stone Flame Base to meet with Kerubiel.

Khopesh is glad to have enough of the surly Dark Angel's trust to help with this issue... even if he's going to sneak along without the primaris 'noticing'.

…

Kerubiel comes upon the retinue of Dark Angels as his feet carry his…somewhat disconnected body to the meeting place. He greets his older, -more experienced, more dangerous, more important- brothers with stiff, polite formality.

"Sir! Primaris Scout Kerubiel." He clicks his heels together and stands at attention, and salutes the highest ranking officer. Who turns to look at him, a grizzled older first born with plenty of battle scars and repaired Armor.

The Lieutenant makes him wait five minutes before slowly saluting back and saying, "At ease, Scout."

Kerubiel goes to ease the rest of the squad of astartes and slowly starts to encircle him, and he does his best not to twitch or growl or follow their movements by moving his head around. He occasionally watches them out of his peripheral vision.

"You are a large one, aren't you?" The Chaplain draws out his grey eyes cold, calculating and assessing.

"Primaris Marines are built larger than First and Terran Born Space Marines, sir." Kerubiel explains steadily, having heard the unspoken question of 'are you Chaos Corrupted?’

"Hm," the Apothecary eyes him, "come closer, I need to assess you for health." Kerubiel's stomach clenched a little.

"I have had a medical check up by Apothecary Cedric recently, sir," Kerubiel says, shaking his head, hoping that they will allow him to say no.

"And was this Apothecary a member of the 1st Legion?" The Apothecary asks, eying him sharply.

"Does that matter, sir?" Kerubiel asks.

"That's a no, then," the Apothecary mutters to one of the others, "Scout, you are going to be given a medical Exam by myself."

"I don't want to be examined by you out here." Kerubiel responds firmly, backing away from the pushy Apothecary.

He spots something in one of the Apothecary's hands…

A Needle.

Hpyno-drug therapy was one of the ways he and his Primaris brethren were dragged further under their elder's control. While his furnace is active, at least he will wake up faster and remember what the bastards do to him, even if he can't stop them from taking over.

Kerubiel backs away from the Firstborn Space Marine. Part of him hopes that Khopesh's inquisitive nature had led the Night Lord to stalk after him. Despite him vaguely insisting on going to the meeting alone.

"Stop moving," the highest ranking brother barks out in a commanding tone.

The pit of stress in Kerubiel's stomach twists in two directions; fear of disobeying, and fear of what may happen if he doesn't disobey. The contrary sensations leave him vulnerable, unable to move, unable to fight or flee or even speak-

There is a soft sound, barely a rustle before- "AHHHRGH!" Kerubiel comes back to his senses seeing a familiar shape in dark blue armor. Khopesh must have been hiding in the foliage and struck just as the Apothecary reached for him.

And that reach had been his undoing as the Night lord mercilessly sank his teeth into the meat of the Apothecary's forearm. One of Khopesh's Claws was braced against the Lion's upper breastplate, partially obscuring his face. Seems these Lions hadn't had the benefit of all of them falling here with full armor.

The sound was almost sickening as the Night lord used his strength and position to sever the unarmored forearm, snapping the ulna and radius as if they were Chicken bones in the mouth of a wolf hound, while shoving the Apothecary back so he stumbles into his brethren.

But Khopesh wasn't finished yet. Even as the Lions rally, and curse and draw their weapons he Still puts on a show of sinking his teeth into the disembodied limp so it CRUNCHES again before spitting it out as if it offended him. "He said No, FUCK OFF!"

Even with the Apothecary down, their perimeter is choked and swords are fully drawn, accusations are being shouted. "Time t'go." Kerubiel grunts out as his vision flickers.

It's all the warning he can give Khopesh as he snags the bloody Night Lord and teleports the pair of them to Stone Flame Base, near the Apothecary Bay that Cedric’s working at and his knees buckle.

"I appreciate the save but...why was biting specifically your first idea?" Kerubiel asks as he leans heavily on the Night Lord, curious as to his answer.

Khopesh smiles in that unsettling way, amplified even more so by the blood still smeared across his mouth and neck, and simply replies. "Gotta use what you've got remember?"

He pulls his lips back with one clawed finger to further emphasize the frankly Disturbing number of sharpened teeth he has, with a doubly disturbing coat of blood. "Besides...those Lions looked like they could use a reminder about having polite hands. Some learn and some don't." He says with a shrug.

If he was fully honest Khopesh had considered mauling a chunk from either the bastard's severed arm or even his Unsevered arm and Eating it in front of them. But he'd probably not had the time for such embellishments.

Given proper time he'd have chewed it with his mouth open, make an even bigger show for those grabby Lions so they had plenty of material to infest their Nightmares. Oh well...ripping a limb off, and snarling while covered mouth to neck in blood did a well enough job for intimidation he supposed. Notes for next time.

"Fair point," Kerubiel says as he leans into Khopesh. He's drained of energy from the grox-shit day he's had and the use of psykery to teleport two people.

“Woah…easy Cub I've got you.” Khopesh grunts, supporting the youngster who does have some height on him.

Khopesh half carries Kerubiel into the med bay and Zariel comes over and fusses over the Dark Angel Primaris Marine. Naturally he asks (interrogates) the pair of them, and gets the story out. Well, a version of the story that has a lot of truth in it.

"There are things you aren't telling me," The almost teal eyed Ultramarine says, frowning at the pair of them.

"Yes." Kerubiel says flatly. "And I'll talk to Cedric about it if it becomes relevant." He huffs, not really wanting to share details of this encounter, however brief.

Khopesh having no such hang ups and Not being the best at room reading chimes in proudly. "Keru was almost kidnapped by Dark Angels," Khopesh says with a wicked grin, some blood still on his teeth, "And I helped stop it."

"Grox-slinging Dark Angels," Zariel swears softly as he rubs his face, "Alright. I'll put out a subtle warning about a First-Born Dark Angel that had his arm bitten off by another Astarte."

He sends out the message to several of his fellow Apothecaries he knows that will be discreet about it, including Hura and Cedric. Hydra help them, because Zariel has a bad feeling this won't be the last he hears of this incident.

…

A few days later Zariel gets a ping on his vox.

Cedric had been sent the odd message from Zariel about the 'Dark Angel with severed limb'. He can tell that there is a story, one that he hopes he'll get more of if he finds those miscreant Dark Angels.

And as it turns out they might've just got their first proper lead. A squad or so of Dark Angels has come to the clinic with an Urgent Case.

Limb reattachment, as well as to help with a partially infected bite. Cedric asks the older cousins, "What happened to you?"

"We had been talking to a skittish younger brother Keru- something and he didn't want to be checked over by our Apothecary despite us knowing he was injured." One of the other Dark Angel's grumbles.

"We tried to…address his injury and when he became disobedient, and agitated we moved to restrain him. Then this! Night Lord jumped our Apothecary out of nowhere and bit his Throne Damn arm off!" The Interrogator Chaplain says indignantly. "And said 'don't touch him'... then the little brother somehow teleported off with the Night Lord."

That…that indeed sounds like two Space Marines Cedric knows Very well, but he still requests a description.

And indeed, they describe Kerubiel, he had suspected as much with the half a name they'd given him earlier. And while Khopesh can get violent- it's usually for a reason.

Knowing this, the Lion's dismissive and pompous attitude irks something in him, and Cedric finds himself speaking before he can rethink doing so. "Keru has good reason to be wary of firstborn Dark Angels, considering what they've done to him and his fellow primaris," was Cedric's snippy response.

"So, you know the younger brother then…Templar?” The Chaplain drawls, but his voice is anything but mellow. Cedric feels his stomach twist a little, but he forces himself to stay composed.

“I only know him in the medical sense, Sir.” He lies quickly, but convincingly, he hopes anyway. “And as I am Certain you are aware. I am bound by the code of Patient Doctor confidentiality. Even if I Did know him better I would not be able to disclose that information. I'm sure you understand.” He finishes, and there's no ignoring the venomous edge to his tone.

And the Chaplain clearly sees that, and Doesn't back down. “Allow me to tell you something You should Understand Scout.” He growls, low and cold. "Our Chapter Master has requested we take a Primaris, preferably of our Gene Line, into our custody. However you feel of the matter is irrelevant Templar." The Dark Angel veteran narrows his eyes and Cedric tamps down on his slowly building R a g e. "And whether it is Him we present to our Chapter Master or another, the cub Will be brought to heel, and re-educated on Proper expectations of obedience. He is one of the wards of Our Legion, no one else's." He huffed, turning with a step but not before one more barb was thrown. "And trust me, that Night Lord will Also be disciplined accordingly. Once he is found, his fate will belong to Us."

Cedric feels his anger and fear churn in his stomach, hot and cold, ice and burning. He forces himself to Wait, wait and count that (Deadman walking) bastard's steps until his mind settles.

Then he quickly sends a vox to the primaris group chat, warning them of grabby firstborn Dark Angels, and to never be without a battle buddy. While his message is urgent he keeps his movements casual, professional, unsuspicious. Then he takes a deep breath, and puts on his most Accommodating smile. It doesn't touch his eyes in the slightest.

"Fascinating. You should definitely speak with apothecary Hura. I'll go get him for you."

"...Very well," The highest-ranking Dark Angel says magnanimously.

Cedric walks slowly and with purpose until he's certain he's out of the Dark Angel's hearing range. Then he skitters to Hura, eyes wide and anxious. He's learned one of the better tactics to get the slow moving and calculating Chaos Death Guard to move swifter and to aid not only himself, but his other primaris marines, even the ones he's more ambivalent towards.

Cedric explains the Dark Angels, and his concerns, "Hura? I'm worried that Keru could be in danger due to the... paranoid and often scorched planet tactics of the First Legion."

As he speaks he stares up at Hura with very big and sad eyes. One might call them sad puppy eyes. He thanks his brothers who know how to sucker convince older brothers and cousins easily of things with some subtle manipulation of facial features. Jophiel was really good at it most of the time.

"Hmm... that's concerning, I shall see what I can do to make them go away." Hura says.

"Thank you, Hura," Cedric says sweetly.

"You are welcome." Hura says as he pats Cedric’s hand.

Hura gets up and sends a message to Zariel about finding the naughty Dark Angels. Zariel will be nearby to help while Hura looms over the misbehaving space marines. The Dark Angels turn and glower at him as he enters the room.

He smiles in response. Ah…this is going to be Fun.

…

“Okay so the game works like This.” Jophiel explains folding a larger piece of paper several times half by half by half.

Lullaby and Claude sit on the other chairs at the art room table, listening intently with various art supplies of their preference at their sides.

“The challenge is to make a coherent image or story by drawing one new picture each; one after the other. When one fold is full we unfold and continue the process until the whole page is covered! And it's supposed to be much more difficult doing it with multiple people.” The Blood Angel trills.

Claude nods. “Okay, one question though…”

“Yes Claude?”

“What is this exercise for? Like…what is it meant to train us for?” The Primaris Ravenguard asks, eyeing the charcoal pencils he'd picked out skeptically.

“Fun! That's what!” Lullaby replies excitedly, picking up their colored pencils. “Plus it challenges your brain to be creative and work with whatever marks or drawings the person before you left behind. Adapt, Improvise, Overcome!”

Claude nods again. “Okay. But who starts?”

“We could flip a coin…twice.” Lullaby offers. “Or just go around the table. Jophiel's the one who brought up the game so he can go first.”

“I would be Honored.” Jophie says with a flourish. “I will start with a sigil of Sanguinius!”

Jophiel leans over the folded page and begins making the design, once he finishes he passes it to Lullaby.

But…their face takes on an odd look. “Uh…Jophie? Didn't you say you wanted to make the Blood Angel symbol.”

“Yes?”

“Isn't this the sigil for the Dark Angels?” Lullaby asks, confused and turning the paper back to him so he can see.

And indeed, the symbol for the first Legion stares back at him. “I…That is…odd?”

He truly doesn't remember Doing that.

Lullaby shrugs. “I mean it's fine. I'm gonna try to draw Kerubiel.” They say, happily filling in the page accordingly.

Lullaby's firmly a hobby artist but dare they say it is recognizable as Kerubiel, with the Dark Angel sigil on his Pauldron, and their best execution of his slightly sour face.

Then they pass the paper to Claude.

“Hmm…I think I will draw a forest with a night sky behind him.” He states, scribbling with his charcoal pencils.

Once he's done he passes the paper to Jophiel.

Jophiel's expression shifts. “Claude?”

Something about Jophiel's voice feels unsettling. “Yes? What is it?”

Jophiel turns the image around. “These trees look rather…ominous. Did you mean for them to look so?”

Claude and Lullaby look at the page and…”What on earth?” Claude breathes.

That…that's not a forest at night. Claude sees that his image is indeed much more sinister. As it appears Kerubiel is surrounded by shadowy figures. And behind his form is…something pale?

With how the image is now it almost looks like Kerubiel is laying on some kind of bed. The figures around him make Claude's proverbial hackles stand on end. There is a flash of something, and some blood trickles down Claude’s nose, and down from Jophiel's eyes as witch-fire blue flares in their pupils. Things get… hazy.

“Claude? Jophie? What's wro…ng…?” Lullaby's voice fades into the backdrop

The figures…they feel Wrong. They feel Like Danger. Claude and Jophiel stare at each other, blinking, and at Lullaby's worried face before they look down at the page. A spark of witch-fire flashes into their eyes as they start to mutter feverishly- quickly as they draw, each of them drawing something, grasping for colored pencils and adding more to the scene.

Lullaby watches the pair of them closely- Karlsor had talked about Psyker ‘grox-shite’ to them and how to tell if someone is having a Vision Episode- which it looks like Jophiel and Claude are having- and from the story that’s being painted on the page, it’s a dark one.

Lullaby may not understand their muttering especially in Gothic but they can parse certain words.

“Kerubiel…danger…cut…death…” And rather than intervene, what they hear compels them to keep passing the page back and forth; grabbing and passing colored pencils between the two until the story unfolds.

Lullaby bites their lower lip worrying it a bit, the pictures they are drawing take on a darker and more dire meaning. Kerubiel? Lullaby frowns- oh no. They are drawing more about Kerubiel. That’s not good as Lullaby watches the picture being drawn more of the shared snatches of a vision come into clarity.

Other Dark Angels- from what Lullaby knows of Space Marines- they are likely First Born, and not Primaris, even if Lullaby only vaguely knows the difference between them. Mostly it seems like Primaris are bigger and younger. Or at least, from what Lullaby can tell.

A Surgical Table surrounded by shadows. Lullaby’s eyes widen as the shape of the surgical table and the blood seems to almost drip off the page. The baseline can almost smell it, and their stomach roils.

Dark Angels standing around a surgical table where Kerubiel lies bleeding. Knives- Kerubiel is awake- is screaming- thrashing strapped, and being cut open alive. Awake. Aware. And his brothers are doing this to him. They are watching as they take him apart piece by bloody piece. Until he dies- it takes a long time, far too long for him to die- betrayed by those who called him brother.

First examining, then pushing, picking, prodding and finally, Extracting. Cutting away each useful organ and seeing how long the body of a Primaris holds out. Until there's nothing left but a shell with Kerubiel's face.

Then like wings of a raven- a bat or something. Cackling Mischief, playful, fierce, protective, vicious. And the vision- the drawing fractures. Kerubiel. Khopesh. The possibility of the future still potentially, dangerously close, but stopped. By the talons of a Bat. For now, at least.

Oh shit. The colored pencils drop, the blue witch-fire in their eyes fades and they groan clutching their heads with pain, and confusion.

By habit Lullaby brings their hands to each of their shoulders, their warp pacifying touch quickly lessening the pain of the vision.

“T-thank you.” Jophiel gasps. “What…happened?” Claude follows, each wiping blood from their noses, and faces.

Lullaby doesn't immediately respond, instead their trembling hands grasp and hold up the finished drawing. Jophiel and Claude take it in, and though they do not shake, their dawning horror is the same.

“I'm hoping it's what hasn't happened.” Lullaby says bleakly. “We need to find Kerubiel, and Khopesh. Now.”

“Yes” “agreed” Both boys say as they get up. They both sway a little- using Psykery on Ancient Terra is very draining. Visions take a lot more out of a person in this time and place.

“I’ll send a message to Khopesh over vox,” Claude says.

“I’ll send a message to Cedric- I think he or Olly knows what Keru’s up to today.” Jophiel says as he sends a vox message to Thressl and then calls Cedric waiting on him to pick up the phone, trying to keep the panic from rising.

“Cedric speaking,” Jophiel hears his brother-cousin’s voice, “what did you need Jophie?”

“Do you know where Keru or Khopesh are? I and Claude had a really bad vision- and Keru’s… his brothers are going to-.” Jophiel takes a deep breath to steady himself. “Live dissection until there’s not but a hollow shell and his face left.”

“Technically I think it's a…Vivisection, since he seems to be…Awake and Aware…oh Lord I think I'm going to be Sick.” Lullaby swallows the lump and the bile threatening to come out of their throat, and turns the image away.

“... Keru’s fine- he’s training with Olly, they are being overseen by Captain Ash’val,” Cedric says, his tone both soothing and concerned, “did you see the faces of the… of his potential tormentors?”

“Vaguely,” Jophiel says, “Claude and I drew the vision down on a page. It was- it would have happened, might still happen, but Khopesh… did something and the path is fractured- for a time.”

“Where are you and Claude now?” Cedric asks, “I’m going to send Nanael and Atlas over to talk to you two and see this… vision picture art piece.”

“We’re hanging out with Lullaby in the second floor Art Rooms.” Jophiel says, and the one they'd chosen is mercifully empty.

“Khopesh was supposed to run some errands for Anrir today.” Lullaby speaks so the vox to Cedric can pick them up. “You don't think…you don't think he's in danger Right?”

“Hopefully no more so than Khopesh ever is. See if you can get through to him, he's more likely to respond to you immediately.” Cedric replies. “We will find them both, and make sure they are safe. For now please also tell Nanael and Atlas what you know. It will help protect them.”

Lullaby nods, pulling themselves more together with a deep sharp breath. “Okay. Stay safe Cedric.”

“Always.”

Lullaby does as advised, practically ripping their phone out of their bag and speed dialing their Khopesh. It rings more than three times and every ring causes a new twist of anxiety in their gut.

Click “My, my~ To what do I owe the Pleasure of this call my sweet Lullaby.” Khopesh purrs in the way that would Normally drive Lullaby crazy but their fear is overriding any other sensation at the moment.

“Are you safe?” Lullaby blurts as they see one familiar winged shape and one unfamiliar and not winged coming towards where they, Claude and Jophiel are standing.

“...I am in the Cleaning Aisle of the Supermarket…why would I not be safe?” Khopesh asks, and indeed, the hum of the store comes through the phone.

“Jophiel and Claude had a vision. A nasty one, and I'm pretty sure it involves You.” Lullaby replies, wincing as they look over the vision drawing. Beautifully rendered, horrific in subject. “And Kerubiel…and a Bunch of other Dark Angels??” Lullaby explains. “Please get back to base as soon as you can. And Whatever you do! Do not approach any other Dark Angels.”

“...” The pause on the other end makes you nervous, until you hear Khopesh growl under his breath. “Should have let me finish the job, and make it look like an accident!”

“...what?”

“Nothing!” Khopesh sing-songs in reply. “I will purchase Anrir's items and spirit myself back to you Lullaby, see you soon.”

Lullaby exhales, feeling as if they can breathe more easily…just a bit. “Good. See you soon. And Khopesh?”

“Yes my Darling?”

“I Love you.”

“Ah! Your Gothic is improving every day. I adore you, my Lullaby. See you soon~”

Lullaby drops the call and quickly explains to Claude and Jophiel that “Khopesh will be on his way home soon.”

…

Meanwhile in Hell.

“Hold Still, or I will not be able to Reattach your limb.” Hura grouses at the squirmy Dark Angel apothecary. Honestly! Apothecaries truly do make the worst patients even when they're not suspects in some kind of Primaris conspiracy.

“Let go! Let me go you Chaos Scum!” The Apothecary snarls from the medical bed, thrashing against the restraints.

Meanwhile Cedric stands between Hura and the other Dark Angels, using his height and size to keep them from interfering.

“Out of the way you whelp! You will not remove our Apothecary from our sight!” Snarls the Interrogator Chaplain in Cedric's face.

Cedric naturally pulls up his ‘customer service’ smile again, this time there is just a Hint of true enjoyment in his eyes. “I'm sorry Sir, but as you've said your Brother Apothecary was involved in an incident with another Space Marine. He'll need to be separated to go into surgery, and due to the Clear infection his mental state can be considered… diminished.”

There was an indignant noise from the patient behind him and the potential future patients in front of him at his words. Cedric tried to think of something else to say to try to calm the situation down a little.

Cedric supplies. “We must question him alone to ensure your presence does not…distort his recollection.”

The Chaplain is taken aback before the rage returns. “You think we will just allow you to-”

Cedric holds up a hand, cutting the Chaplain off with such satisfaction. “How you, or your squad feel about this is…ah yes!…Irrelevant.” Cedric explains. Oh, but that feels good to be able to say, especially to first born brothers- er cousins, And Especially to threats to his brothers.

“You cannot Force treatment on him!” The Chaplain argues hotly.

“True, but we are compelled to act in the Patient's best interest, and in the case of a Patient with a diminished mental state with a serious injury, We are allowed to use our discretion.” Cedric replies. “We are also able to use discretion if visitors to our clinic are acting in a reckless or dangerous manner. So unless you and your pride would also like to be strapped down and sedated, I suggest you Stand Down.”

The Dark Angel Chaplain's speechless face is almost as satisfying as his last gasps of life would be. But patience, patience, you can't find a hornet's nest if you smash the one that could lead you there.

Cedric turns on his heel once Hura and the still cursing Dark Angel Apothecary have successfully left the room, on their way to the surgery floor. Hura and Cedric clean and suit up to do surgery on the Dark Angel- and they do reattach the limb. As the Dark Angel is still under anesthesia.

Zariel is also helping scrub up- the Ultramarine notices the strange tension in the room and after he finishes helping with the surgery he fades into the background, but close enough to hear Hura and Cedric speak.

“We should call in Anrir,” Hura says calculatingly.

“... Anrir is picky about getting into… heated discussions, like this, without a personal vested interest.” Cedric says.

Zariel closes his eyes and tries not to swear. This sounds like it’s shaping up to be an Incident of some kind, one that could cause a feud that could cause much blood shed. Precious blood that shouldn’t be spent so frivolously on this place of such limited resources.

Hura turns only mildly surprised, but very proud and pleased with that very clear and accurate assessment of Anrir’s character. “True, but they have threatened Khopesh- of which Anrir does not tolerate threats to his sons.”

“That’s true.” Cedric says with a frown, “they did threaten Khopesh.”

Hura nods and calls Anrir, who picks up on the second ring, “Anrir here.”

“I need some Sodium Thiopental, and for you to help me with an issue, discreetly, for the moment, and come quickly we have a Dark Angel to interrogate.” Hura requests with a menacingly happy tone, he’s not threatening Anrir, that the Terran Born Night Lord can tell.

Zariel is most definitely staying for this and he shifts a little bit. Cedric turning to look at him and frowns at him and battle signs. [why are you still here?]

[I heard you were plotting to administer truth drugs.] Zariel battle signs back. [I was the one who sent out the BOLO about the ‘Dark Angel Apothecary with arm bitten off’ Remember? I can help.]

[Don’t interfere with this matter, Ultramarine.] Cedric warns, the way he twists the last sign sounded sarcastic as fuck.

[I won’t. I can and want to help. If only I know what is going on.] Zariel counters.

[You’ll hear more soon enough] Cedric responds.

“Hm… Why would I help administer a drug which suppresses someone's ability to think before speaking, in simple terms?” Anrir asks, he’s got some beakers in his hands as he continues to work, arching an eyebrow on the other line.

“Because this Dark Angel and his Pride of Lions have threatened one of your sons.” Hura says straight and to the point. “I especially wanted to warn you because they seemed to be describing Khopesh in particular.”

Hura hears the sound of breaking glass on the other side of the call. “What?”

“Yes the Dark Angels mentioned a bitey Nightlord with a Mouth Scar.” Hura's voice is as sweet as poisoned wine. He then sends over the video/audio recording of one of the Dark Angels describing Khopesh- and what the Dark Angels were going to do to him when not if they find him.

Anrir breaks something else as he hears that. All blasé attitude going out the window the moment he hears the Dark Angel's are targeting his son. Before when Hura was discussing the situation Anrir had been acting a little dismissive because his empathy only goes so far until Hura expounds that the Dark Angels plan on finding Khopesh and "deciding his fate".

“I am on my way.” Anrir says his voice is dark and dangerous.

“Oh excellent, because you are going to be here, we will be more in the right with our actions. Those Dark Angels made a threat, and with you here, we will be more able to retain the Apothecary at the clinic to get the information out of them.”

Retain in this situation meaning keeping captive, drugging and interrogating the Dark Angel. Of which Hura, Anrir and Cedric are well aware is something that is going to happen. Hura turns towards Cedric and eyes the younger Apothecary.

“... Have you gotten your training in enhanced interrogation techniques yet?” Hura asks Cedric.

“I am a fully qualified and trained Apothecary, Hura,” Cedric says, looking Hura straight in the eye levelly. “That includes interrogation and application of medications and methods of discussion and compliance.”

“Wonderful,” Hura says, sounding quite pleased.

“Oh- so you have more teeth than I thought,” Anrir says, having almost seemingly teleported over to the clinic.

“Yes Sir,” Cedric says politely nodding to Anrir, “He’s waking up from the limb attachment surgery soon.”

…

“Break!” Ash'vals voice cuts through the air in the training gym, causing both participants to halt their match.

“I can keep going for longer.” Kerubiel announces, rolling his shoulders to loosen them. “These bouts are so short, I'm barely getting winded.”

“You said that last time we trained too, right before you nearly passed out. Besides this isn't a reward, you're both on Basic drills until I say so.” Ash'val responds, grabbing some hydration rations and tossing them to the two Primaris. “And knowing how to Pace Oneself is also vital in combat. You would do well to remember that, lion cub.”

Kerubiel grouses under his breath, and catches the ration. Olly shrugs, before cracking open his own and chugging it.

But Oleanderos notes that…Kerubiel does not drink his, simply stowing it in his pack when Ash'val glances away for a moment.

“5 Minute Break, then we'll be doing laps.” He tells his charges, before a ping on his vox takes his attention. “Take a moment to meditate on your training and where you can improve.” The old dragon steps off to the side, and into the hallway to answer the message.

Kerubiel seems to become more aggravated and mutters that last phrase under his breath mockingly. Olly does catch the last thing he grouses and it…concerns him.

“I don't need to meditate I Need to train!” Kerubiel growls spitefully, standing up.

“...What are you doing?” Olly asks carefully.

“What does it Look like Oleanderos?” Kerubiel snarks, shifting from a poised stance to drawing his sword. Miming his movements on an invisible opponent.

So the full name came out…interesting. “It looks like you're going to get in trouble.” Olly points out. “Ash'val said-”

“RrrgGh!- SO WHAT!?” Kerubiel shouts, turning vitriol on Olly and swapping to Gothic. “WHAT DO I CARE WHAT SOME FIRST BORN COMMANDER BASTARD THINKS!? IT'S NOT LIKE THEY ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT US!” Kerubiel insists, ranting and pacing. “IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'VE EVER SEEN US AS ANYTHING MORE THAN TOOLS OR ABOMINATIONS TO BE PURGED!”

Olly sits back, not expecting…this.

“AND WHY SHOULD WE EVEN TRY TO FOLLOW THEIR ORDERS!? WHEN NOTHING WE DO WILL EVER BE! - WILL Ever…be Good enough…”

Ah…now he understands. Olly stands up.

“No matter…how hard we t-tried…” The rage is still there, but more prominent is a deep pit of sadness that is finally welling up to the surface.

“Why wasn't it enough…why were we Never enough…”

Olly enfolds his sniffling brother in a huge Ultramarine hug.

“Do- Don't You! Pity…me..” Kerubiel half heartedly tries to push Olly away, but deep down he knows…he needs this, and he stops trying.