#let him recover and genuinely recognize the shitty things he’s done

[hyperfixationtimego]

I’m salty about canon Kazuichi tonight babes

feel free to hop on team “I recognize and acknowledge that this particular character is a shithead and absolutely problematic, however I love him and therefore will create my own fanon in which he grows and learns from his mistakes and past actions. Also, while certainly not an excuse for his behavior, he has a shitty home life and a real shitty role model. Kaz is a product of the environment he was raised in and I refuse to accept canon as it is because it’s so incredibly unfair to him as a character thanks for coming to my ted talk”

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

This Game of Yours

Father of Mine – Part 1 and Part 2

Jason was beautiful.

And somehow that scar that went from the right corner of his mouth up to his temple only made him that much more beautiful to Y/N.

Those blue eyes were the same color of water on a stormy day in the Irish sea. And somehow Y/N knew they held the same tempestuousness.

The white streak weaved with his jet black hair so naturally that Y/N would’ve believed he was born with it.

His shoulders were so broad, making his 6’3 height feel even more imposing. He had a presence. People noticed every time he walked into a room. It made Y/N wonder how he was ever able to sneak up on people as Red Hood.

He was wearing a black hoodie underneath his black moto jacket.

Y/N knew Jason didn’t give a shit about fashion. Yet he was well-dressed without any effort – more so than most of the models Y/N had shot throughout her career.

Not being able to control herself any longer, Y/N raised her camera and took a photo.

Jason stopped surveying their surroundings and his gaze snapped to her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” 

But his growl didn’t scare her in the slightest.

“Anyone who’s by me when I have a camera is at risk of getting their picture taken. No one is safe. Not even you,” she answered his question unapologetically.

Y/N was working on a personal passion project for her next show. Her collection would be about the poverty and crime of Gotham. Half of the photos would show the heaviest crime areas of the city. And the other half would expose the lifestyles of the wealthiest people in Gotham.

Why did so many suffer from the same system that helped the rich get even richer?

When Bruce found out Y/N was going to Crime Alley and the Bowery by herself, he was visibly upset.

But he realized that Y/N would do as she pleased, so his plan b was to give her protective detail.

However, Y/N didn’t know that Jason had volunteered, almost immediately.

Instead, all she heard was Jason grimly telling her, “You’re lucky you haven’t been fucking murdered yet.”

She had only responded with a roll of her eyes.

“I’m not your escort so you can take my picture. I’m here so you don’t get raped or murdered.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a way with words?”

His only response was a glare.

Jason loved playing this game. The game of pretending to be irritated with her when actually he was absolutely infatuated with Y/F/N Y/L/N.

“The easiest way to stop getting your picture taken is to always be the one holding the camera,” Y/N added with a smirk and wink.

Jason didn’t answer, only thinking what a shame it was that no one got to photograph her.

Suddenly, the sunlight hit the top of his head perfectly, creating a halo around that thick and messy hair of his.

Y/N snapped another photo.

“Will you stop?” He warned.

It only succeeded in making her laugh.

And that just excited his heart even more.

“Jason, you were born to get your photo taken.” 

There was no joke underneath her words, only sincerity.

“Whatever,” he mumbled.

Jason had a hard time believing that. His skin was riddled with scars. And he was convinced that she’d be singing a different song if she saw his chest, with its thick autopsy scar amongst the so many others. The absolute last word he’d use to describe himself was beautiful. Strong and imposing? Yes. But never beautiful – or any other positive adjective, for that matter.

“I’m not kidding. If you ever want to stop the whole vigilante thing, you can easily become a model.”

Y/N had noticed it as soon as Jason took of his helmet that night. His domino mask had done nothing to prevent her from noting the obvious.

It didn’t take long for Y/N to realize Jason wasn’t like his “brothers.”

“Brothers.” What a strange word.

Should she consider all of them as hers?

Only Damian was actually related to her – and technically he was only her half-brother.

Y/N had watched Jason get on his motorcycle and leave the cave that night she’d almost died.

She’d agreed to stay for dinner and get to know everyone. And a part of her brain was excited to get a better read on the masked man that sat by her bedside as she’d recovered.

“He’s not staying?” Y/N had asked Bruce as he guided her to the stairs that led back up to the manor.

He only shook his head, but she noticed the disappointed expression.

Soon she found out that Jason was the black sheep of this strange family that had taken her in.

Dick was the one who told her about Jason’s dark past. All of it seemed unbelievable: murdered by Joker and brought back to life from a mysterious pit. Only to return to the family who appeared to have replaced him and never sought vengeance on Jason’s behalf. 

But it was true; Y/N had seen no lie in Dick’s eyes when he filled her in.

Suddenly there was yelling coming from around the corner.

Without hesitation, Jason shoved Y/N behind him.

He reached for one of his guns and then realized that he didn’t have any.

Y/N was rather vocal about hating them, claiming they made her extremely uncomfortable.

Her expression alone as she said it was enough for Jason to swallow his stubbornness and leave the things at home.

Bruce was rather taken aback by the gesture. Nothing he’d ever said was enough to get Jason to do that.

A gang of young men came marching around the corner like they owned the place…because they did. This was their territory.

Jason immediately recognized them as some of the Russian mob.

Despite pulling Y/N behind him, they still caught sight of her and looked her up and down without an ounce of shame.

“Hey, beautiful. How you doing?”

“Продолжай идти, придурки,” Jason growled at them.

He was outnumbered. But there must’ve been something about his body language that made the gang realize they shouldn’t pick a fight with him. Maybe it was the muscles or his height or that he looked like he wouldn’t even blink before murdering them.

So they just…walked away. Some of them mumbled threats or insults at him. But they realized they shouldn’t even so much as look at Y/N.

A split second before they were gone, Y/N took a picture of Jason.

“Really?” He asked.

She shrugged. “You look like a different person when you’re protective.”

Y/N was beautiful.

Jason watched as she passionately explained her work to a potential buyer.

He recognized the man as a local politician – luckily, one of the few that hadn’t been corrupted from this shitty city.

Y/N had the intimidating energy of her father, but the kind eyes of her mother. At least, that was what Bruce had told everyone, and they all took his word for it.

She wore a stylish white jumpsuit that made her look like a 1980s villain and black stiletto heels. 

Jason watched as men cowered in her presence, hating the fact that she proudly stood taller than them. She was just one less woman they could intimidate or manipulate – and they couldn’t stand it.

But Jason loved watching the emasculation in real time.

The bastards didn’t deserve her anyway.

Dick was one of the very few men Jason knew who didn’t blink at a woman towering over him. In fact, his older brother had a track record of preferring it.

“Surprised to see you here,” Bruce said beside him, catching Jason watching Y/N.

“Well, I was her personal bodyguard through all this. Figured I should see if it was worth me wasting my time or not.” Then he tossed back his champagne and slammed it on the tray of a waiter passing by. “Plus, free alcohol.”

Bruce just quirked an eyebrow, silently telling Jason that he knew he was lying.

“Are you buying something?” Jason asked, trying to change the subject.

“I have been strictly forbidden,” Bruce sighed.

Jason chuckled.

He knew if Bruce had his way, he’d buy every single on of Y/N’s pieces.

“I have to know,” Bruce began. “What exactly is holding you back?”

Jason finally ripped his gaze away from Y/N to give Bruce a questioning look.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N. You care about her.”

“All of us do,” Jason brushed off. “Even the demon spawn.”

Bruce knew there wasn’t a chance Jason would admit his feelings – especially to him.

“Not that I think you care…but you have my approval.”

Little did Bruce know, Jason did care.

Jason had convinced himself that their rocky relationship and past fights meant that Bruce would die before he let Jason be anywhere near his daughter.

And Jason could hardly blame him.

He didn’t deserve to be loved. He lost that right after he died and came back a monster. And that was the story Jason told himself over and over again.

So he would love Y/N from afar. And hope she would pick someone who was worthy of her love.

“She’s basically my sister,” Jason groaned in fake disgust.

It was quite the performance.

Bruce narrowed his eyes. “We both know that isn’t what’s stopping you. And you’ve made it clear you don’t consider us your family.”

“Whatever, Bruce.”

Jason walked away, having enough of the subject.

“What was that about?” Clark asked as he joined Bruce’s side.

“Jason refusing to let himself be happy,” Bruce sighed.

Clark already knew what Bruce was talking about. He’d seen Y/N and Jason dancing around each other for months now. He’d never really seen Y/N take an interest in anyone before, so it was all new for Clark.

“Don’t worry. Y/N won’t let him get away with it for much longer,” Clark said through a smirk. “She gets what she wants.”

And Bruce believed him.

“It doesn’t bother you – the two of them together?” Clark asked with genuine curiosity.

“Jason reminds me every day that I’m not his father. And I’m hardly Y/N’s.” A soft smile formed on Bruce’s lips. “He’ll look after her. And she…I think she’d be good for him. I just want them to be happy. Both of them.”

——

Jason headed home rather early.

He’d never actually went to say congratulations or even hello to Y/N.

Every time he was about to go over, someone else stole her attention. He didn’t want to get in the way of her talking to potential buyers or even just friends.

Jason was just about to make himself something to eat when there was a knock at his door.

He froze.

Very few people knew where his apartment was.

Jason grabbed a gun and tiptoed to his front door.

With a peak through the peephole, he let out a irritated sigh.

Jason whipped the door open, “You’re lucky I didn’t shoot your head off.”

“Maybe don’t own guns and you wouldn’t have to worry about shit like that,” Y/N snapped back.

“What are you doing here?”

“You come to my gallery opening and don’t even say hi?” Y/N accused as she stepped around him and into the apartment, not waiting for an invitation.

Jason eyed the paper bag that was in one of her hands.

“By all means, come on in,” he called sarcastically as he slammed the door behind her.

Y/N started searching through his cabinets. “Where are your glasses?”

“The one to your right. What are you doing here?”

Y/N had the brightest and almost mischievous smile as she pulled a bottle of champagne from the paper bag.

“I brought this as my thanks for you making sure I don’t – and I quote – ‘get raped and murdered.’”

Jason glared at her.

Here was the game again.

Y/N being charming and hilariously provoking..and Jason pretending like he hadn’t fallen for her.

She poured them both a glass. They weren’t flutes or coupes, but she couldn’t care less.

“We’re chugging these, by the way,” Y/N informed Jason as she handed him a glass.

He sighed, but obediently clinked his glass with hers and tossed it back.

Barely giving them a second, Y/N immediately refilled them.

“So, why didn’t you come over and say hi?” She repeated.

“Didn’t want to bother you,” Jason mumbled with a shrug.

She narrowed her eyes at his answer. “You’ve never bothered me before, Jason.”

Now he felt guilty.

Jason bowed his head. “I should’ve come and talked to you,” he agreed. “Your work…it looked – it’s amazing, Y/N. Congratulations.”

Apparently Y/N hadn’t expected such a sincere compliment from him, and she was stunned to silence.

“Thank you,” she managed to whisper once she’d recovered.

She cleared her throat, trying to maintain her edge. “And really…thank you for being my own little security detail.”

If Jason was healthy about expressing is thoughts and feelings, he would’ve told her that it was the highlight of his weeks. That he looked forward to her calls or texts, telling him that she was going to photograph another shady area. “Be there or don’t. I’m going no matter what,” she’d text him with her usual snark.

But Jason didn’t express his thoughts and feelings.

He kept them bottled up – with the same energy he used to keep Y/N at a distance.

So instead, Jason said, “If it wasn’t me, one of the others would’ve done it.”

Y/N winced slightly at that.

‘You’re such a fucking asshole,’ Jason told himself.

“You know…we can see each other even you’re not my bodyguard.”

Jason was impressed by her boldness. But she didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t understand that he wasn’t good. He couldn’t play the loving boyfriend role. She belonged with someone like Dick or Clark – or literally anyone but him. And Jason was willing to be an asshole to make sure she understood that.

Y/N took a step closer to him, invading his personal space.

Without breaking eye contact, she threw back her second glass of champagne and then placed it on the nearest counter space.

She stepped even closer.

This was simultaneously Jason’s worst nightmare and most desired dream.

Her eyes moved from his eyes to his lips.

But before she could make her final push, Jason took a step back and cleared his throat.

He looked down at the ground as he said, “You should go.”

When he looked up, he expected to find Y/N heartbroken or embarrassed.

But she was neither.

No. She looked irritated.

Not because she wasn’t getting what she wanted, but because she was sick of his games.

Y/N sighed and stepped back. “Fine.”

Jason rubbed his face in frustration as she grabbed her purse and started for the door she had walked through only minutes ago.

She opened it and paused.

“You know what? No. Fuck that,” Y/N snapped before slamming the door closed.

She whipped around and strutted back to him with purpose.

Jason was suspended with both fervor and awe.

Y/N grabbed his face and pulled him down to her lips.

All self control went out the window. Jason couldn’t continue his game. It was all over for him.

He kissed her back almost immediately. How could he not?

Y/N bit his lip slightly, making him hiss in surprise. It was his punishment for making her wait all this time.

Eventually they needed a moment to breathe.

But Y/N didn’t let go of his face when their lips finally parted.

“Choose your next words very carefully,” she breathed.

He swallowed nervously. “You’re kind of fucking terrifying. You know that?”

Her smile was pure evil.

Apparently this was the right response.

“Are you done being an idiot?” She asked.

He nodded quickly.

Her hands moved down and then lingered on his neck, tracing the bottom lines of his jaw.

She smiled again and then looked him up and down.

“What?” He questioned.

“Nothing,” she laughed. “I’m just…I’m not used to being shorter than men.”

“Is that the only reason you like me? Huh? My height?” Jason goaded.

“Of course not,” Y/N scoffed. “It was the whole ‘I look like I could murder everyone and I can, but deep down I’m a big softie’ that did it for me.”

Jason’s grip tightened on her waist. “Oh, yeah? You’re one to talk…”

“Me?!” She yelped. “I couldn’t kill anyone, even if my life depended on it.”

“Maybe. But your terrifying in basically every other way.”

Y/N laughed at that.

Jason couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sound

“So…still want me to leave?” She asked.

And this time, she would if that’s really what he wanted.

“Fuck no,” Jason answered, almost threateningly.

Then, for good measure, he picked her up by the back of her thighs and carried her to the couch, before he started to kiss her once again.

Y/N knew things weren’t always going to be this simple.

Jason had his demons. 

And honestly, so did she. They were nothing like his. And maybe they were silly in comparison. But she wouldn’t be the perfect partner. Just like he wouldn’t be. 

They’d drive each other crazy. But it would be the good kind of crazy.

------------------------------

+ Childhood

[paperbodiesamongthestars]

Day 23: Picnic

Read it on AO3 or read my whole Harringrove April Collection!

Jim Hopper never really expected to make it back to Hawkins from fucking Russia of all places, so he definitely didn’t expect to make it back and pretty much immediately end up with a second kid. It was just that Billy Hargrove had sacrificed himself to save El, and had somehow survived it, and Joyce was still a little mad at Hopper for not doing more about Billy’s shitty dad, and she had given him that look when it turned out that Billy didn’t appear to have anywhere to go once he got out of the hospital. 

Well, he had one place to go, but Hopper figured moving into Steve Harrington’s apartment could wait until they were both out of their teens. He told everyone who would listen that it was because while Steve and Billy were both technically adults, they were also dumbasses, especially when they were together. He said, loudly and often, that he simply didn’t trust those two boneheads not to burn down Steve’s entire apartment complex, if left to their own devices. 

What he said much more quietly, and only ever to Joyce, was that he remembered what it was like to be a kid with a shitty dad, and to cling to something simply because it was better than what he was used to. Billy might still end up with Steve—probably would, if the starry-eyed way they looked at each other was any indication—but Hopper wanted him to get there because he chose it, and not just because he needed a place to go. 

Billy, for his part, insisted loudly and constantly that he would much prefer to live in an apartment of his own, out from under Hopper’s tyrannical thumb—and yes, that was a direct quote—but he somehow never actually found one that he liked. No one ever called him on it.   

What Hopper hadn’t counted on, when he insisted that Billy move into the fancy house that he had bullied the government into buying for him and Joyce and the kids, was Billy and Steve’s commitment to fucking, just, all the goddamn time. Hopper had missed most of Billy’s recovery while he was in a Russian prison, but he found out later—from Joyce and Nancy and Jonathan and Robin and even some of the kids—that they had been caught at least half-naked by just about everyone before Billy was even released from the hospital. He wished, far too late, that he had chosen a house with fewer windows. There were far too many points of entry for him to manage effectively. 

“You know Steve thinks he’s stealthy?” he said to Joyce incredulously one night after he caught Steve—wearing what was obviously one of Billy’s shirts and the smallest pair of shorts Hopper had ever seen—sneaking out of Billy’s bedroom window. Billy’s second-floor bedroom window. “He’s going to kill himself falling off the damn house.”

“You didn’t catch him until he was already leaving, Hop,” Joyce pointed out, “so he’s not exactly wrong.” Jim wondered when Joyce had turned on him too. He considered nailing the windows shut, but he was pretty sure El would kill him with her mind if he tried it, so he didn’t. 

See, it turned out that “my house, my rules” only went so far with a kid who was technically an adult, and who had also sacrificed himself to save your other kid, so Billy got away with a lot. He got away with even more because both El and Will—and Max, who spent far more than half of her time at their house—were fully supportive of Billy and Steve’s ongoing shenanigans, and did their best to run interference with Hopper. 

Apparently, one of the things Hopper had missed during Billy’s long recovery was the day some under-informed nurse let Billy’s dad in to see him. Everyone agreed that it had been a very dramatic scene, but they weren’t very forthcoming about the details. Only Max and Lucas and Robin had been there to witness it firsthand, but the kids all still talked about it in hushed whispers. The only way they ever described it to Hopper was to say that Steve had gone “just completely feral, Hop.” Neil had never bothered to come back, so whatever it was that Steve had done that the kids didn’t want Hopper to know about had been pretty effective. Max’s grudging affection for Steve had given way to complete adoration on that day, and El’s affection for Billy was well-established, so she had been right there with Max. Hopper hadn’t asked why Will was so supportive of the two of them, but he could guess.

So Billy lived with Joyce and Hopper and Will and El, and Hopper did his very best to maintain at least some semblance of propriety, and every kid in the house did their very best to defy him at every turn. It was exhausting. Which was why he was so goddamn irritated when he heard the low sound of voices in the middle of a walk through the woods behind the house that was supposed to be an opportunity for him to get some damn solitude for once. They were voices he recognized, unfortunately. He sighed heavily as soon as he got close enough to make out what they were saying. 

“Harder, baby,” Billy practically moaned. “God that feels good.” 

“Are you sure?” Steve asked a little breathlessly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yeah—ohhhhhh…” Billy’s confirmation devolved into an actual moan, and Hopper had had enough. He marched toward the voices, bursting into a clearing with his brow furrowed and an admonition on the tip of his tongue. 

The first thing he noticed was that they had chosen a beautiful spot—they were on a soft-looking picnic blanket in the middle of a pretty little meadow dotted with wildflowers. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the surrounding trees. The remains of a picnic were spread out in front of the two boys, next to an open picnic basket. 

The second thing Hopper noticed was that he had maybe slightly misread the situation. Billy was sitting cross-legged on the blanket, tank top and cutoffs firmly in place, and Steve was kneeling behind him, also fully clothed. Billy’s head was tilted to one side, and Steve had his elbow pressed firmly into the muscle of Billy’s shoulder. Both boys were staring at him with wide eyes. They recovered at about the same time, and Hopper sighed inwardly as Steve cocked one eyebrow. Billy’s eyes sparkled with amusement as Steve spoke. 

“You’re always so tight, B,” Steve said, completely deadpan, eyes locked on Hopper’s. Billy smirked and gave that same low moan again as Steve pushed down with his elbow. 

“You get so deep, baby. Feels so good,” Billy said, and Hopper had seen some shit in his life. Had fought literal monsters. Had spent months in a Russian prison, most recently. He absolutely was not going to blush in front of these two dumbasses. He refused.

Instead, he sighed heavily, resisted the urge to murder them both, and turned around, making his way out of the clearing. Billy waited until he was almost, but not quite, out of earshot before he spoke again, and Hopper was pretty sure he did it on purpose. 

“We’re actually fucking after this, though, right baby?” he asked, and Hopper, unfortunately, also heard Steve’s response. 

“Course, B. That’s why there’s lube in the bottom of the picnic basket.”

“You think of everything, pretty boy. Best boyfriend ever.” Hopper was tempted to turn right back around to yell at them, except that Billy sounded genuinely happy. And that, Hopper would never admit to anyone but Joyce, was a thing that he thought Billy Hargrove deserved a lot more of. He did, however, pick up his pace, before he heard something—again—that would haunt him forever. 

[wayhavnsfinest]

The Misadventures of Baby Sitting

This is a “crack fic” I thought up of one day on my way home from work. It’s chaotic and I ran with it. There is strong language in this and mentions of torture. Read at your own discretion. 

Word Count: ~1.7K

Summary: Vexx and Damon find an abandoned baby. Part 1 of ??? 

Characters: Vexx Serif, Damon Reznor, traveler. 

___________________________________________________________

The mood on the Andromeda Six is tense. Aya had gone after June after the announcement of the trip to Orion which left Calderon to pilot the ship. Ryona had gone to the med bay to begin her research on Vexx’s condition. Bash had gone to the cargo hold to investigate the goodies Alisa had bestowed upon the crew, leaving you alone with Vexx and Damon.

You shift uneasily from one foot to the other, terrified that one of them might attack the other. 

“So we’re working together again?” Vexx grins as he holds the icy stare that Damon is throwing his way. 

Damon’s icy exterior shifts into a grin. “Just like old times. Except don’t expect me to haul your ass out of trouble.”

“You never did any such thing.” Vexx retorts sliding back into the familiar banter with his old friend. 

“Bull. Shit.” Damon enunciates. “How about that time you found a baby.”

“Oh my god. I forgot about Bryce.” Vexx smiles. 

“I still cannot believe you named it Bryce.” Damon goes to lean against a wall, still cautiously eyeing Vexx.

“Bryce is infinitely better than Wilbur.” Vexx says as he crosses his arms.

“Hold up!” You say as your brain finally comprehends the conversation happening in front of you. “You two found a baby. And you named it?!”

“Well we weren’t just going to leave it.” Vexx says as he looks at you with genuine shock. “ What kind of monsters do you think we are?”

“Yeah, your majesty, shit, we weren’t about to leave a defenseless baby alone in the city’s underbelly.” Damon replies.

“There is definitely a story here,” You say. “I want to hear it.”

“How much time you got?” Damon asks. “We can give you the long version or the short.”

“Spare no detail” you say as you slide down the ship’s wall into a sitting position.

“Well it all started a few years ago. Carrot head and I were working together on a job for Zovack.” Damon explains. “I had just gotten out of the shower when I heard voices outside our shitty rented room.” 

~2 years ago~

Damon walks out of the shower, his shirt clinging to his still damp skin. He looks around at the rundown motel room Vexx and he had to share. The room is dingy and dark. Only one of the bedside lamps worked, leaving most of the light to filter through the broken shades. The air conditioning in the room had long since stopped working. How this hell hole managed to draw in new customers was beyond him. 

Where the hell is Carrot Head? Damon thinks. He walks to the mini fridge and is about to pop open a beer when he hears a voice. Instantly recognizing it as his work partner’s he heads in the direction of the sounds.

“Come on dude. Just tell me what you need.” Vexx says as he holds a very distraught baby by the armpits.  “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

Damon just stares at the scene. Vexx is still in the clothes he wore to bed the previous night, and the baby he is holding couldn’t be more than 7 months old. “What the fuck is that?!”

“It’s a baby dipshit, what do you think it is?”

“A fucking joke is what I think it is.” Damon says, still trying to wrap his mind around the situation. The smell instantly hits him. Damon’s nose wrinkles at the smell. “How hard did you get hit in the face last night?”

“Why?” Vexx asks turning his attention away from the baby to face Damon. 

“Little dude needs his diaper changed.” Damon states. Vexx continues to stare at him blankly. 

“What the fuck do I change it with?”

“Well I don’t think anyone will miss your pillow case.”

“Fuck, no.”

“Then we need to find a general store and hope they have a diaper or something.” Damon says hunching over and putting his hands in his pockets. This is certainly now how I wanted my only day off to go. He thinks to himself.  

After fashioning himself a baby sling out of extra bedsheets, Vexx leads Damon to the general store in search of baby supplies.

“So how did you find this guy?” Damon asks. 

“He was left alone outside the motel. I heard him crying as you were in the shower. You take long ass showers by the way.” Vexx says as he checks his holo pad with one hand and cover’s the baby’s head from the sun with his other. 

Damon shrugs. “That chick’s body glitter was hard to get off.”

After walking in silence for several minutes, Vexx finally takes his eyes off the holo pad. “The extranet says that there is a family planning store about two miles from here, we should be able to find everything we need there for Bryce”

“Woah, hold on. You named it?! You can’t name it, you’ll get attached. You can’t afford to get attached because we’re not keeping him.” Damon pinches the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb, taking a deep breath before continuing. “We need to find a hospital or one of Orsanna’s guards to take him.”

“We can’t just keep calling him, it, you idiot.” Vexx says. “You got a better name than Bryce?”

Damon studies the baby. “Wilbur.”

“That’s an old man’s name!” Vexx huffs.

“He kind of reminds me of an old man, he’s bald, he can’t take care of himself, and he shits his pants.”

“Wow,” Vexx says as he blinks, taken back. “You know I’m seeing a new side of  you Damon and I don’t like what I see.” 

Sighing and knowing he’s going to regret it the minute he asks. “Were you thinking we could keep him? What the hell would we do with him? Dress him in a top hat and a Kevlar vest and take him on missions with us like a little mascot?” 

“I wasn’t thinking of a top hat….”

Damon actually stops in his tracks. “You cannot be serious.”

Vexx shrugs, “I always wanted a little brother.”

Damon continues to stare at Vexx in disbelief. “You’re shitting me right? Like actually shitting me.”

Vexx continues to walk to the family planning store all the while ignoring Damon’s nagging. 

~~~~

“HOLD UP!” you shout. “You kept the baby?!”

“Would you let me finish.” Damon says crossing his arms. 

“Yeah he didn’t even get to the good part where I get swarmed and propositioned by many beautiful women. Nothing wins ladies over like a baby.” Vexx smirks.

Damon rolls his eyes, “skipping that part. Anyway back to the story.”

~~~

Finally arriving at the family planning store Vexx consults with a manager who gathers up all the basics for Bryce. Meanwhile Damon tries to distance and distract himself from Vexx and Bryce. His distractions don’t amuse him for long and he finds himself saddling up to Vexx and the baby. “Are we done here-“

“Oh wow! What a cute baby! Are you the fathers of this little angel?! Oh I just love seeing young families out together.” An old woman steps up next to Vexx and coos over the baby. “What’s his name?!” 

“Bryce”

“Wilbur”

Vexx and Damon find themselves saying the baby’s name simultaneously. Damon and Vexx share a look before Vexx recovers the situation. “His name is Bryce Wilbur, named after both of our fathers.” Vexx gives the old woman a charming smile.

Damon can’t help but roll his eyes. “Laying it on a little thick there bud.” He mumbles. 

The old lady continues to coo at the baby until the smell coming from Bryce’s diaper has her recoiling. “Oh someone made a poopsies. Your daddies better change you.” She pats both boys on the arm and leaves. 

Damon frowns at the old lady and helps Vexx with the bags full of baby supplies. The two of them leave the store and head back to their rented room. 

Once in their rented room, Damon takes the baby from Vexx and cleans him up. “There you go, you little poop monster. Feel better now?” Bryce looks up at him and coos. “Fuck, you are pretty cute. You’re going to be a little heartbreaker one day, aren’t you?” Damon can’t help but smile at the baby.  “We need to get him to a hospital or a guard.” Damon says as he looks in the direction of Vexx.

“Yeah, Yeah, you’ve said this before.” Vexx says popping open a beer and taking a long swig of it. “Let me shower, then we’ll find someplace to take him.” Vexx says with a hint of sadness.

Vexx emerges from the shower to the sight and sounds of Damon threatening their mark who is tied to a chair. Realizing Bryce is nowhere to be found, Vexx feels his heart speed up. There is no way Damon got rid of Bryce in the fifteen minutes I was in the shower… Could he?! Vexx wonders to himself. Vexx frantically looks around for Bryce. He starts to fear the worst when all of the sudden Damon turns around. 

“You gonna help me with this bastard or not?” Damon asks. 

Vexx notices Bryce strapped to Damon’s chest. His heart rate returns to normal, seeing that Bryce is safe. How Damon still manages to look menacing with a baby strapped to his chest is quite impressive in Vexx’s opinion. “Yeah I’ll take it from here.” A sinister grin forms on Vexx’s lips. 

~~~~~

“OKAY! Spare some details!” You shout covering your ears. “I don’t want to hear how you two tortured and/or killed a man!”

“Kill?! How the hell are we supposed to get the money and manpower from him if we killed him?”  Vexx asks matter of factly. 

“I don’t want to hear it!” You say with a frown.

Damon waves his hand dismissively, “Alright, we will skip that part.” He’s about to launch back into his story when Calderon’s voice comes over the comms. 

“Damon! I need you on the bridge!”

“Sorry, your majesty. We will have to finish the story another day.”

“I’ll finish the story.” Vexx throws a wink in your direction.

“Oh hell no!” Damon snaps, “You’ll lie and embellish the hell out of it and I’ll look like a complete asshole.”

“It’s not an embellishment if you did act like an ass.” Vexx retorts.

“Damon. Now.” Calderon’s voice echoes. 

“To be continued, your majesty.” Damon says as he makes his way to the bridge to help Calderon. 

[thrushpot]

naive

Billy Hargrove x fem reader

“what about a billy x reader fic wherein the reader is kind of naive to his flirting so after quite some time he ends up having to be really blunt and almost literally BEGS for a date” requested by anonymous.

word count: 2,454

warning(s): swearing

a/n: cutest. idea. ever. I hope I did it justice, thanks for sending a request in!!! had to repost cause I messed up

—

Safe to say that at this point Billy’s been a little frustrated.

Nothing worked for this girl.

He’s never been so conflicted over something that in his eyes seemed to be a pretty black and white thing. When he sees a girl he thinks he could have a good time with, he tells her clearly and honestly and they become putty in his hands he can play with, until he finds something new, some might say akin to how a child goes about with toys. Never just the one will satisfy him. Y/N was meant to be one of his so-called “toys” and he sought after her the day of meeting her at the pool when his shift at the Lifeguard Tower was starting.

Y/N was — she was just something else. Billy went through the plan in his head about how he’d go about pursuing her, slowly reeling her in until hook, line and sinker. But the boy has never met a girl that was in some parts a total Einstein, a real genius. For instance, she aced all her SATs, passed all her classes with flying colors, even; but she was so goddamn stupid. Billy wouldn’t even call that an exaggeration, and he wasn’t trying to be mean. He didn’t know what it was, but she couldn’t pick up what he was putting down if he wrote “I WANT TO DATE YOU” on a baseball then threw it in her face. The poor thing still always excused it as something else. As a compliment, or he’s just a real nice guy, or he’s just kidding her. Playing a joke on her because she’s so gullible.

But he wasn’t a nice guy, and he certainly does not joke around when it comes to getting what he wants. Y/N just never had a clue, and it’s almost like it backfired in his fucking face.

The first time he tried hitting on her he was doing his boring routine at work, aviators shielding his eyes from the sizzling sun, whistle around his neck paired with the little red swim trunks being the uniform. The teen saw the herd of unsatisfied desperate housewives first, deciding to take a pass on that. Also passing by Heather, who he liked to get with in the ladies’ locker room if he was really in the mood while at work, and she shot him a smile with a suggestive wave and he winked right back at her. After all, he was getting hungry for a new chase and although Heather wasn’t that, she was something at least.

Billy did his usual rounds circling the pool, making sure everything was in order before someone wasn’t watching where they were going and slammed into him.

“The hell?” Billy looks down at the source that he collided with, seeing her for the first time. She scrambles to apologize profusely, stammering about not looking where she was going and that she was “super incredibly sorry.” Billy recovers quickly, not quite hurt and thankfully neither was she. He looked her up and down and knew what he wanted right away.

“It’s alright, don’t sweat it. How are you? You okay?” Billy asks genuinely, happy to have an excuse to touch her by helping her keep balance with his hands on her bare shoulders.

“I’m fine! I’m fine, I swear. I’m just not good at being aware of my surroundings I guess,” she says sheepishly, looking down at the ground. She really did look guilty for what she had done, but he’s immedietely glad it happened, seeing as though she looked like a girl in one of his fantasies in her red one piece swimsuit.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Billy inquires, turning the charm on and keeping eye contact with her while he nibbles on his peppermint gum. She looks back up at him then actually laughs at the pet name, holding her hand out to shake.

“Y/N L/N. I went to Hawkins High, s’not like I’m new or anything.”

“Really? Cause I think I’d definetely remember a pretty face like yours,” he slowly gets closer to Y/N’s face in strides, secretly loving the height difference as she looks up at him with her innocent eyes. He notes that she even smells good, and he’s grown to hate the chlorine stench since he started working.

Y/N playfully shoos him away, laughing at him once again as if he’s a comedian or something. He doesn’t remember saying anything funny. “Whatever, man. Do you — oh wait, stupid question. I see your whistle. So you do work here, um...?”

“Billy. Billy Hargrove,” he licks his lips before taking off his sunglasses before seeing a stray piece of wet hair in her face and decides that he’s gonna go for it, as cheesy as it is, but since she can’t take the hint at the compliment he payed, he makes as much contact with her as he can get away with and gently tucks it behind her ear. She reacts with a smile before putting her hair back behind both ears, mumbling something about forgetting her scrunchie before her name is being called by a house mom from the corner.

“That’s my mom, ugh I gotta go. Nice meeting you though, Billy,” she called as she was already walking away from him.

“Hey! Hey, wait—“

Y/N was already gone. No phone number, not even the slightest hint of any plans to come in the future.

The teenage boy shrugs, knowing some days are just gonna be a swing and a miss around here.

—

Y/N becomes almost a regular at Hawkins Pool, dressed in the same daring red swimsuit and always tempting Billy with her greetings and little smiles. Sometimes he doesn’t get a chance to go over and talk because of shitty work, or a kid dives off the “No Diving” end, or eats while swimming. It can get hectic, but the lifeguard doesn’t let that stop him. Using any excuse he has to touch her (without any protests on her end) and any opportunity to compliment her on something she did or her appearance, he’s starting to feel like it’s a dud, and she’s immune to horny teenage boys sweet talk.

“Hey Y/N!”

She turns her head and sees Billy jogging up to see her. He automatically comes in for a hug, and her face warms up at the feeling of his big arms wrapping around her frame. He holds her for a second too long, then let’s her go before taking her hand and asking her to twirl for him. Y/N nearly snorts before doing as she was told, making a show of spinning not too fast while he still has his hand grasping hers.

“Beautiful,” he marvels at her aloud under his breath. Y/N scoffs once again at his words, and it seems as though that’s the only thing she ever responds with when it’s not even a joke.

“You’re joshing me, right? I just got this awkward sunburn because I fell asleep on the lawn chairs at the pool. With my arm on half of my face,” she gestures to her cheeks where her forehead is significantly darker than her chin. “It’s so humiliating especially out in public, dude,” she cracks up, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. Billy gives in and laughs along with her.

“And why is it that you go to my work everyday? Oh, right. To see my pretty face right here,” he teases, putting out the bait and waiting for her to take it.

“Oh please. Your ugly mug?”

“C’mon, it’s okay. You don’t have to lie.”

“Nah, I go cause my mom thinks it’s good for me to be active, get outta the house and all,” she answers his previous question, ignoring his banter. “Speaking of which, she left me stranded here because she had errands and I wanted to stay longer to get rid of this ugly tan, so I’m screwed.” Thank God. Finally, he has something to thank Y/N’s mother for.

“I could give you a ride, no biggie,” Billy tried hiding his excitement in portraying nonchalance, barely meeting her eyes and praying she says yes so he can spend more fucking time with her outside of stupid work.

“Would you? I really don’t wanna cause trouble, it’s just—“ he silenced her before she starts rambling again then takes ahold of her hand

“Say no more. I’ve always got your back. And hey, I scratch your back, you scratch mine?” He asks with a devilish grin, raising one brow.

“That’s what she said,” Y/N fires a shit eating grin back, and then starts heading to the parking lot of the pool. “Meet you at your flashy car!”

Billy sighs as he hangs his head in defeat before regaining his composure, calling out a confirmation before going to lock up.

—

The blonde boy still foolishly keeps his hopes up for the car ride back to her place and to fill the quiet, he asks her if she wants to play twenty questions. As much as he knows the little things about Y/N, there’s still lots of simple details he’d like to know because he’s curious.

“Uh, alright. Twenty questions sounds g—“

“Great. Do you have a boyfriend?” He rushes to interject, eager and not hiding it.

“Nope, no boyfriend.”

“And why not?”

“Woah, right to the punchline, aren’t we?”

Y/N boasted as she runs a hand through her hair and for comfort spreads out a little wider in the passengers seat.

“Well, why don’t you?” Billy grows agitated, white knuckling the steering wheel as they wait at a red light, he turns to her. She still looks on ahead at the road, only meeting his gaze for a split second before she asks him if he has any gum. “Jesus Christ. I am so tired of this,” Billy lays his head on the wheel. Y/N inspects him for making sure he’s good before repeatedly calling out his name.

“Billy.”

Nothing. He has nothing.

“Billy, seriously. It’s a fucking green light, go already!” She shakes him before he suddenly presses the gas, speeding down the road.

“What is up with you, man? What was that!”

“In my glovebox.” Billy sighs, still eyeing the road. “My gum. It’s in there,” he answers her silent bewilderment before recognizing that it isn’t important anymore, then prepares to give the most painful explanation to a girl he’s almost ever had to do. Other women he’s been with or hit on either rejected him right off the bat or got with him right off the bat, it’s never been this in between before, this awkward gray area that’s driven his mad. He doesn’t know what he’s trying so hard for anymore, maybe it’s her attention, or something else. But it’s not just one night, not anymore.

Billy recalls the directions she had given to him before all this, and he pulls up to her house at the correct address and stops the engine.

“I want to know why you don’t have a boyfriend because I think you’re great, like really great and -“

“I think you’re great too, though.” She intervenes, as if she’s challenging him once again. Billy has nothing left to do except almost literally write it out for her.

“No! Fuck, dammit. Just... will you go on a date with me? Like, together. Not as friends or whatever, but an actual date that not friends do,” he overly explains hoping that this time that covers it.

Y/N stares at him like he told her that planet earth is fucking flat, then has the audacity to mutter “I don’t understand”.

“What don’t you get here?! What could you POSSIBLY not understand this time!” He’s raising his voice, and it’s coming out all wrong, and he just doesn’t want her misinterpreting what he’s been trying to say all along.

“Billy, what I’ve been trying to say is that I don’t get why you would like me.” Y/N looks like her dog just died, defensively crossing her arms over her chest and stares at her lap.

“What?”

“Guys don’t look at me. They don’t even know I exist,” she sighs and it makes him just feel so bad.

“Sweetheart, I think they look your way, you just don’t have a clue when they do.” Billy hesitantly reaches for her hand and holds it in both of his, begging her to look at him and communicate with him.

Y/N giggles again then looks up, meeting his eyes before leaning in further and further until their lips touch. She tastes like honey and mouthwash, and she kisses like she’s so scared to but wants it so badly. He leads them, cupping her cheek and not stopping until they both need a breath. The blonde boy can’t get enough, trailing little ticklish kisses around her jaw then down her throat, now turned awkwardly to get a better angle and not caring if his car is jabbing him in the stomach while he leans further in.

“I’ve wanted you all this time,” he whispers.

Y/N whimpers quietly before turning his head to meet hers again.

“You’ve had me. I’m just, I don’t know. I don’t do this very much and I didn’t ever think a guy like you would go for me, so I—“

“Shh. It’s fine now. You’re okay. Oh and just so we’re making sure, I don’t kiss my friends like this,” Billy reassures her as she laughs and shoved him away.

“Do you wanna maybe watch a movie sometime? There’s this cool futuristic-y one that’s coming out, the main guy is really cute,” Billy rolls his eyes at her before putting a possessive arm around her and going in for more kisses. “Don’t worry, he doesn’t even come close to comparing to you. But that isn’t the point,” she trails her fingertips over his cheek softly, and he’s never felt something so soft.

“I’d love to. What a train wreck, huh? You’re just a naive little thing,” Billy runs his fingers through her hair, before she lets him know that he’s an idiot and has to get home before her parents notice the flashy car in the driveway and wonder what’s up.

“Fine. I’ll let you go. But how ‘bout this weekend, that movie?”

She nods, kissing his cheek then opens the passenger’s door to get out. His eyes never leave her figure as she skips up to her front door, then catches the kiss she playfully blows and drives off, wondering what he should wear for their movie date that Friday.

[ikebanaka]

Man, I know every point I’m about to make has already been done to death, but here it is anyways:

Tony Stark is deeply traumatized; in the aftermath of being held prisoner and tortured for months, only surviving due to another man he’d grown to care about dying for him, he was betrayed and nearly killed by someone he trusted with pretty much everything. That’s literally the kind of shit that people never fully recover from. Also, the man has attempted at least one notable suicide mission that he only survived by pure chance. No amount of physical luxury can fix those things, even though it can make it easier not to backslide.

Yeah, he was just another shitty billionaire for the longest time. Unlike those billionaires though, he got a nasty wake up call, and suddenly realized that he couldn’t go on like he always had before. He had the genuine realization that he couldn’t look away any more, and he couldn’t live with what he was seeing. So he changed.

People don’t get to avoid the blame for past mistakes. But there’s something more important than blame: responsibility. Taking responsibility for something doesn’t absolve you of the blame, but you have to recognize that if we define people by their mistakes and never let them move past those mistakes, they’ll fuck up all over again, and it’s really damn hard to keep doing the right thing when everyone is convinced you won’t. Also, it is very clear that Tony is guilty as hell about his past, despite his attempts to seem uncaring. (It’s a defense mechanism; what people don’t know or think you care about can’t be used against you.)

He changed, he took responsibility, and he did his best to use what he knew how to do to improve people’s lives. Was it ideal? No. Was it stupid to turn to weapons again? Yeah, a bit. But did he have reason to believe those weapons would be critical in the near future? Yes. (I’m not really defending his decision, so much as pointing out that this was the solution he came up with based on his experience, skills, and background, and what seems logical to him in theory can be damn stupid in practice.)

People think he got his redemption arc in his first movie, but in reality, his redemption arc never ended. He’s constantly trying to change, to stop hurting people and do the right thing.

He’s human. He has flaws. He makes dumb decisions just like the rest of us, and he fucks up. But he knows that, and he started trying to do the right thing. He didn’t stop trying until the very end.

[winnerloser]

HC No.004 ; The Darkest Day II and everything afterwards.

It all just adds up to this legacy that Victor doesn’t know how to possibly live up to.

Victor captured Eternatus in Leon’s stead, with the help of Hop and Zaci/Zama. He also was admitted to the hospital for the expected physical trauma one would experience when being faced against an eldritch dragon god on the roof of a building in open air. He was likely bruised and battered, perhaps even a bone or two snapped from the sheer force of getting blasted by such high winds and trying with all his might not to get flung off the roof into the great & beautiful Galarian expanse below ;

He just barely scraped by without any physical war scars, however. No neat stitches for him to pull up his shirt and show off to his friends and family. 

Bruising and hemorrhages aside, he was presentable enough to show up to the final without having to delay the entire showing past what Leon himself needed to recover. What Galar needed was a pick-me-up after the sudden disruption and hysteria that Chairman Rose had caused. His nervousness to preform (& win, even he got that bug in his system by then-) overpowered any immediate pain he could’ve been experiencing, and that was elevated immensely by the sheer adrenaline being pumped through his veins during the battle. It was like amidst all the chaos and abnormal occurrences, despite the fact that the soon-to-be champion was standing there with a sling and crutch on the pitch ; screaming and cheering still blared in his ears like every single civilian in the booths and at home were trying to pretend that, just for a moment, everything was alright. The only important thing was the present- the battle.

Victor is left-handed, but Leon lifts his right arm after his victory considering the boy’s left was in a cast. The cast was signed by the ex-Champion afterwards. Gold sharpie. Snapped a good pic before the cast got tossed.

Victor’s C-PTSD didn’t necessarily manifest because of the Darkest Day hysteria, despite how traumatizing that day and the days leading up to and following were. It was the entire Darkest Day deal plus his sudden trampling up into the spotlight combined, wrapped up into a neat little bow. Needless to say, his debut was a disaster. The region was reeling from the damage the failed DD had done, and collectively had to deal with psychological recovery. Yet despite that, since Victor was the hero of that story, eyes were on him. Not everyone was willing to subscribe to a pristine influencer backed by the very foundation that nearly nuked the entire region- everyone did have their eyes (and hopes) on the savior who stopped the region from meeting its certain doom.

No one behind the scenes knew what they wanted out of Victor, but it was certain that whatever he tried to do wasn’t right; completely ignoring the fact that he was still mentally wounded from the occurrence himself and was one of the only ones to experience it first-hand and feel the ramifications of having done so. And yet he couldn’t even run away because he had his duty to show up for this cause. He had to. And the troubled feelings of helplessness began to take root and meld with other deep-seated issues that were mutating and flaring up with new (unfortunate) regular occurrences that came with being not only Champion, but a first-hand source of a historical event. Not doing things right, even when being directed. Less people holding his hand through it and more people wondering why he can’t get a damn clue himself. Having to choose between two options of equally wrong things to say. Not getting a choice in his sponsors even though he was supposed to embody their very mission in his image. Trying not to get tricked or coerced into saying something objectionable. Not being able to have time for himself. His time belonged to anyone who needed it. Having to report to people at the drop of a hat. 

When the flames from the DD quickly die down, phase two comes and hits Victor in a different way. He’s not a political mouthpiece anymore, he’s an idol- but most importantly, hes a kid again. A teen celebrity. That’s the selling point, his youth. Suddenly, his clothes were brought into question. His love life, or lack thereof. The intimate aspects of his life belonged to Galar now too. Hell, he doesn’t even really battle pokemon that often in this period, because he’s busy being pulled between being a savior and a dreamboat. He was so used to a kind and genuine environment that he’s not equipped to recognize and combat gaslighting and other manipulation used in the industry; and seeing how deeply he internalizes things- it corrodes him, all his mistakes. 

You have to understand that at his core he’s a shy young man who came from a sleepy town of, like, 10 households or less- far off from Hammerlocke, let alone the wild area. He had no sense of normalcy prior to Postwick, because his environment was ever changing and void of consistency and familiar faces. He knows his own mum, Hop’s family, the Magnolia family, and that’s that. It’s not that his condition manifests itself solely because of external reasons, but he did not have the tools or coping mechanisms to handle being Champion. Especially when he was a special case, with being a Hero as a double whammy. The two titles went hand-in-hand and amplified one another and came with so much responsibility and so many expectations.

When his PR team begins to have troubles marketing him and Victor starts to self-isolate, its not just because he feels compelled to run away for rebellious reasons or even sensible fear. There’s also an element of his C-PTSD starting to latch onto him; kickstarted by the messy tangle of his interpersonal relationships by the time the DD reboot attempt happens-- amplified by the shitty people and terrible experiences he has in the first handful of months as Champ. He’s so ashamed of himself that he can’t leave the wilds, but the longer he stays, the more everyone will make do without him yet come to loathe him if he came back (in his mind). But he is too afraid to go back, because his abilities are beginning to be chipped at by his dysfunction. 

It’s only this potent in his head. All his disorders are not diagnosed and he internalizes them deeply. It stews and stews and stews and the very fact that he’s holding onto all these hangups without letting anyone know the actual extent of his distress actually inflicts more damage on him. But he really just... doesn’t know how to explain to someone these very specific... feelings or thought patterns he gets. It ultimately just gets chalked up to stress or fussiness or some other feeling that could be a symptom of the real issue but, again, not the root of the cause.

He’s still in the very early stages, but he’ll start self-sabotaging if he doesn’t... do something.

[blackandwhitedays]

hello

woah... it’s been over two years since i’ve logged into this blog.

i didn’t think i’d be able to recover it. thankfully i’ve been using the same five(ish) passwords for the past four years.

so much has changed since i first began posting. although, i only made about three posts. it’s not uncommon for me to come up with some bright idea to start a blog/journal then forget about it after a few entries.

 where do i even begin?

well, i graduated. and the boy i mentioned in one of my first posts? we are going on two and a half years together. crazy stuff. he was my saving grace through my last few months of high school. i don’t know what i would have done without him.

i used to post on another website called my-diary, where i updated about my life a lot more. reading those posts made my chest ache. i genuinely felt like i couldn’t breathe. suddenly, i was in high school again, overwhelmed and suicidal with no one to talk to. yeah, shit was rough to say the least.

i lost all my friends in february of my senior year. so, yeah, about two years ago now. i couldn’t really remember the details, but rereading my old entries helped jog my memory. it was all childish drama, as i suspected. my friends thought i was petty and secretly hated them, so they dropped me. i was already disliked by my entire graduating class, and suddenly i had absolutely no one. i sat alone everywhere i went. my guidance counselor accused me of sabotaging my own relationships. which now i understand as a symptom of my extreme anxiety and fear. i would destroy my relationships with others before they could hurt me first. but that’s not what i did with my friends in school. i cared for them a lot. they were all i had at the time. and they were perfectly okay with abandoning me at my lowest point because they were selfish from the start, i was just too desperate to see it.

it still chokes me up thinking about everything. i sometimes get into these weird obsessive states where i will purposely go back and reflect on my high school times and get really depressed. i don’t know why i do it. i’m so much better now than i ever was then. yet it’s like i enjoy hurting myself sometimes. perhaps to make sure i’m still capable of emoting like i used to.

but anyways, let’s talk about the now. i graduated and basically made a massive “fuck you high school and fuck everyone who hurt me.” you better believe i was the talk of the town. i got about thirty comments praising my bravery, then the next morning the hate started flowing in. people called me retarded, a dumbass, a liar, etc. all the good stuff. called me a slut for wearing crop tops. and my mother, who was so worried what others would think of HER because of the post, kicked me out. i lived on ben’s couch for several days. it was a nightmare. i thought i had hit rock bottom.

but shit moved on. i moved away and started going to college. my mom eventually apologized for being a selfish bitch about the whole situation. i forgave her, even though i don’t know if i’ll ever fully be able to. ben moved with me and got his own apartment in the same town. i ran out of money after the first semester and nowhere would give me more loans, so i had to drop out and move in with ben. we both worked as much as we could and moved back in with our parents for about a month. then we saved up and got our own apartment in a bigger city. which is where we are now. ben has a really great job working in masonry. he’s making ridiculously good money, though he has no clue how to budget and is constantly broke. i am a supervisor of a program that helps people with disabilities and brain injuries. i also make good money. i’m saving up to go back to school this fall. our apartment is small and owned by a sketchy property management company who is absolutely going to rob us of our $1,000 deposit. we also have a dog by the name of winston. he is the love of my life and i adore him more than anything in this world. 

my life has done a complete 180. there’s no denying that. the only thing that could make it better is having some friends. yep, two years later i still haven’t made a long term friend. i think it’s due to a combination of moving around a lot, working constantly, and somewhat isolating myself due to fear of getting hurt again. ben and i thought we made friends with some people living in our building. they were a couple and were pretty great for about a month. we had cooking nights where we made dinner, went hiking and exploring different cities, and hung out all the time. then the girl decided to pick a fight because apparently we opened her messages and didn’t reply right away and it upset her. i tried explaining that we’re both insanely busy and sometimes we check our phones in the spur of the moment but don’t get time to actually type out a reply. then she got even more upset and said “guess i’m not allowed to have an opinion then?” and started subtweeting about me on twitter. she also refused to talk it out in person and would only discuss it through snapchat. just really, really childish shit. then a couple weeks later they broke up. so there went that. i sometimes still talk to her but i’m certainly not interested in pursuing a friendship. i don’t need that kind of drama in my life.

sometimes i wonder if it’s me. if i really am some crazy manipulative bitch who just has no idea that she’s on some rampage to destroy everyone’s lives. but i really don’t think so. i just want some people who can come over and watch movies, chill out, etc. then when it warms up outside, we can go hiking and smoke in the woods, go on adventures at night through the city, and eat at all the different restaurants in town. i also want friends who i can make really shitty obnoxious jokes with and they will LAUGH. is that so much to ask? apparently, it is.

i do work a lot though, which prevents me from having as much of a social life as i would like. i’ve been a pretty regular smoker of weed for going on four years now. through my junior and senior year of high school as well as in college up until now. but in these last seven months since i moved into this apartment, ben and i have smoked almost every night. and boy, have i felt the effects. i definitely feel less focused and productive. i just want to come home and be lazy. which i can’t be. my job requires me to stay sharp and be productive, so i’ve decided to cut back and make it a weekend thing. it’s hard, though, because ben smokes every. single. day. and he has no plans to change that. he tried stopping and got so depressed he was feeling suicidal again, which he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

oh, and as for ben and i? yeah, two and a half years. pretty crazy. we were all over each other for the first year and a half. we fell hard for one another. it hasn’t been perfect by any means, but it’s been a good time. 

my biggest issue in the relationship is our lack of sex. i’m a very sexually driven person. i love sexually charged attention. i love a man who will slap my ass when he passes by me, and has to resist the urge to bend me over every time i “accidentally” change in front of him. ben is really not like that. his sex drive is practically non-existent, which has taken a toll on us for sure. it’s mostly because of his depression, i think, so he’s trying to get on antidepressants. they’re also for him, of course. he wants to feel happier. hopefully, it works. 

these last few months have been a little rockier. not because we’ve been fighting more or anything. but i just feel like his heart isn’t as in it as it once was. he will deny it, of course. he claims he’s never been more in love with me. and i’m sure he genuinely believes that. but his lack of effort says otherwise. i spent $150 on concert tickets for him this valentine’s day. guess what he got me? nada. like, not even flowers. or chocolate. i’m not asking for him to break his bank on me. at all. i’m the easiest girl to please when it comes to this stuff. i just wanted to feel special. and i let him know how disappointed i was. i thought expressing my feelings would make him want to make it up to me, but he hasn’t done anything. he also hasn’t done much around the house, and i’ve been working late almost every night. i like things done a certain way, and he knows that. but you’d think he’d recognize that i’m working soo much lately and that i could use the extra help around the house. but no, i have to confront him about it which leads to him getting super defensive which leads to me getting upset which leads to a fight. then the whole night is ruined. it took an entire fight for him to finally clean up one night when i was working. which was nice. but it felt like he was doing it because i made a big deal about it, not because he actually wanted to help me out.

WARNING: Vulgar rant up ahead:

i feel like i’ve sort of began building up some resentment towards him. i hate that that’s the case. but i’m getting laid maybe twice a month. i’m nineteen years old and i am fucking HORNY. and i’m not unattractive to look at by any means. it sucks so bad when i come home and try to be subtly sexy and change in front of him and dance around and all he does is stare at his fucking phone. then when i straight-up climb on him and try to kickstart things, he says he’s tired and it’s too late. it makes me not want to come home from work. there’s nothing for me here. he doesn’t pay any attention to me. the most i see him is when he eventually passes out in my lap at 9:30 at night. it’s fucking exhausting. i’m so starved of attention. i went from being so incredibly crazy about him just a few short months ago, being so positive he was the one for me, to being almost in tears at the thought of dealing with this way of living any longer. i’m trying so hard to hold out for him to see a doctor and get on meds, but i just don’t know if it will help. he’s been on some before, and he was still sad and actually thought getting off of them would help his sex drive. but surprise, it didn’t.

i can’t imagine us breaking up. i mean, i would have to completely start over. get my own place, pay for everything on my own, etc. it would be so hard. i don’t want that to happen. but i’m fucking miserable here. i can’t rely on sitting on my fucking dildo and cuddling my dog as replacements for the love i signed up for when i entered this relationship. are we fizzling out? i don’t know. but i’m sad and angry and very, very frustrated. 

and i’ll be honest, i’m really not that sexually attracted to ben in the first place. at first, i was, but he’s basically used all his moves on me and it’s pretty repetitive when we do have sex. i can’t get off without porn anymore. which i hate. i don’t even like porn that much. but it’s the only thing that works. so, would things even improve that much if he was having sex with me all the time? i don’t know. i just know that if things haven’t turned around by the summertime, i may be looking for a new place to live.

do i sometimes yearn for the freedom that comes with being single? sure. do i sometimes wish i could get laid by someone who actually has new moves to offer? of course. but do i want to sacrifice my relationship to receive these things? that’s what i’m not sure of.

i hate to even think of losing ben. it’s terrifying. i just want to feel loved. i just want to feel appreciated for everything i do around here. i try so fucking hard. but he gets so defensive when i try talking to him and thinks he contributes just as much as me (not even fucking close). i can’t even have a civilized discussion with him because it turns into a messy ass fight. wow, this is the longest post ever. i’ve talked about a lot tonight. it feels good to get some of it off my chest. it’s been building up inside for quite some time. i hope shit gets better in regards to my relationship. i need some damn love. and fast.

[conciteque]

Kiribaku Month - Day 18: Sea

Wordcount: 1632 words

@kiribakumonth2019

As the direct continuation of Day 17, you really need to have read it to understand the whole situation. I think reading the others independantly is fine, but this one I really don’t think so.

I also feel like the sea is not prominent enough, but it’s there so I did my job. Next is Prom and I really don’t know how I’ll balance plot and proms but I’ll do my best!

I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Day 18: Sea

Eijirou was fucking avoiding him. Kacchan had no idea what happened, and Eijirou kept saying that everything was fine, but there was definitely something wrong.

Eijirou barely talked to him, these days. He avoided staying alone with Kacchan and refused his offers to spar, arguing that he had important things to do with that shitty smile Kacchan knew wasn’t genuine. It was too bright, too tense. Maybe Kacchan didn’t know him as well as he should, with his missing memories, but he still recognized the signs. Eijirou had always been a shitty liar.

“Kacchan, is something wrong?” Deku asked as they roamed the desert, looking for a huge machine that had been reported there.

“Nothing, shut up,” he growled.

It had barely been a week since Deku’s reformatting and he was already annoying as fuck. He’d called Kacchan by his formal denomination for about two hours until his fucking Operators told him that he didn’t have to be so formal, and the shitty Defense unit fucking listened to them instead of him.

It kinda made him regret killing Deku. Especially since he didn’t even remember how or why it happened. But orders were orders, and the old Deku wasn’t any less annoying than this one, anyway. All shitty Dekus were an equal pain in Kacchan’s ass, and apparently, he’d be stuck with the fucking nerd forever. The only difference was that before, he had Eijirou to make up for it, and now the shitty haired android apparently didn’t want him anymore.

Fuck.

What did Kacchan do wrong, this time? He’d been doing his best, recently! Sure, he wasn’t comfortable with public affection yet, or with taking off his blindfold, but he was working on it! And from the memories he’d managed to recover, it had taken his past self much longer to reach that point, so it really wasn’t on him!

Was he too slow? Did Eijirou realize that who Kacchan was now would never measure up to who he was before? How was Kacchan supposed to know what was wrong if the dumbass didn’t fucking tell him?!

Kacchan was so caught up in his own thoughts that he almost slammed into the machine he’d been looking for. The fight was long and strenuous, but he’d managed to recover fast enough that his initial mistake didn’t turn into a fatal one. All in all, it had been a huge success, but no major battle could occur without Deku pointlessly sacrificing himself like a fucking idiot, leaving Kacchan to deliver the finishing blow. Not that he’d have it any other way, but it was still annoying as fuck that no amount of reformatting could get rid of this shitty, clearly defunct aspect of Deku's fucked up program.

Kacchan came back to the Resistance camp as soon as he was done with the mission, Deku on his heels with his new body. Eijirou’s eyes were on him immediately, but he didn’t smile like he usually did. He didn’t even greet them, leaving it to Black Eyes. Everyone at the camp was acting like normal except for their leader, so it was apparently just a thing between Kacchan and him.

Annoyed, he left Deku with the extras and made a beeline toward Eijirou, grabbing his wrist and dragging him outside before he could react.

“Come with me, Shitty Hair. We’re going fishing,” he grumbled.

He told Deku to fuck off when he tried to follow them, with Black Eyes’ full support.

“You two better figure things out!” she said as they left, covering Eijirou’s protests.

According to the memories Kacchan had recovered, Eijirou had once mentioned wanting to go the sea. Kacchan didn’t know if they’d managed to go, back then, but he supposed it was a good time to do it now, whether it was for the first time or not. The Commander had given them no further instructions for now, after all.

The walk there wasn’t too long, nor too dangerous despite all the machines on the way. They were no match for Kacchan, with or without a fucking Defense unit.

“Blasty, what the hell? I have things to do at the camp!” Eijirou protested one more time.

“Black Eyes’ got it.”

“You have things to do!”

“Not right now.”

Kacchan was forced to stop when he noticed that Eijirou wasn’t following him anymore.

“Where are we even going?” he asked, arms crossed and chin up in a perfect picture of stubborn defiance. Kacchan could never get enough of this aspect of Eijirou, but he didn’t have time for this at the moment.

“To the seafront. Fishing,” he repeated.

A machine tried to sneak up on them and Kacchan annihilated it.

“Come on, we can’t stay at the same place for too long,” he said as he grabbed Eijirou’s wrist once more.

“No! I’m not coming with you!” he protested.

“Fucking why? I thought you wanted to do it! Was it that shitty last time?”

“What last time?”

“I don’t fucking now! You tell me! I just remember you wanted to go there, I have no fucking idea if we actually did!”

“We didn’t, but that’s not the point! Why do you want to do this so badly now?”

Kacchan let out a frustrated groan as he let go of Eijirou's wrist.

“You’re fucking avoiding me. I thought I could get you to talk if we left, and maybe if we did something you wanted you’d stop being fucking mad at me. So are you coming or what?”

Eijirou didn’t move, arms still crossed, brows still furrowed, scrutinizing.

“Fine, we’re going,” he sighed. “We were supposed to go fishing ages ago, anyway.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence, only interrupted by Kacchan’s yells whenever a bunch of machines crossed their path. Once they were on the gray coast, surrounded with water and half-sunk buildings, he cleared the area and taught Eijirou how to throw his pod, seek disturbance in the water, and send it to fetch whatever had caused it.

Eijirou seemed wary, at first, but he quickly got caught up in the fishing session, grinning and laughing whenever he managed to catch anything, be it a normal fish, a mechanical one, or just useless scrap. The tension between them slowly eased until Kacchan felt that things were back to normal. He risked snaking an arm around Eijirou’s waist, and was surprised when he felt him tense.

It seemed that quality time wouldn’t solve everything, after all.

“What’s wrong, Ei?” he asked again, softer this time.

Eijirou relaxed a little, but Kacchan didn’t like the look on his face.

“You surprised me, that’s all.”

“I meant in general, Shitty Hair!”

“You’re not supposed to call me that anymore,” Eijirou remarked with a teasing smile that didn't last more than a second.

“Ei, for fuck’s sake, don’t avoid the damn question!”

Eijirou turned toward him, pod forgotten in the dark waters.

“It’s really been bothering you, huh.”

“Of course it’s been bothering me, dumbass,” Kacchan scoffed.

Eijirou kept staring at him, thoughtful and inquisitive, like he could see through the blindfold and right into Kacchan's head. It was unsettling, and Kacchan didn’t understand what Eijirou wanted. Still, he couldn’t just sit on his ass.

“You want me to take it off?” he asked, reaching for his blindfold.

Eijirou shook his head.

“You don’t have to.”

“But would you feel better if I did?”

Eijirou looked away for a few seconds and said:

“Yeah, I guess I would. But if you don’t want to…”

Kacchan took it off. He still didn’t like it, but he should make an effort if he wanted things to get better. It was what his older self would have done, probably, and he couldn’t lose against himself.

It seemed to unlock something in Eijirou, but he didn’t seem any happier. In fact, when he cradled Kacchan’s face in his hands, he looked sadder than ever. Kacchan was this close to begging him to say something, but he felt that it wouldn’t help.

Fuck, he really had no idea what to do here. He wasn’t programmed to care about things, let alone fix them. All he could do was kill and destroy, and the sadness in Eijirou’s eyes wasn’t something he could get rid of with violence.

Slowly, he raised his hands to cup Eijirou’s face, mirroring his position, trying to smooth his sad expression.

“Eijirou…”

Whatever he was going to say was interrupted by Eijirou’s chapped, dry lips on his. He melted into the kiss, responding as best as he remembered how. There was something more to the usual sadness, he realized. The sea salt on Eijirou's lips tasted like tears, at least according to his sensory analysis system, and the kiss left a lingering sense of despair.

“I’m sorry I worried you,” Eijirou said when he pulled away. “It’s not your fault.”

“So you won’t tell me what’s wrong?”

Eijirou shook his head.

“I’ll get better, I just need some time,” he said. “You’ll have to trust me on this.”

Kacchan lowered his head. Trust wasn’t something he was programmed for, either. Not for the first time since he’d started working with the Resistance, Kacchan felt like there was a lot he was lacking.

Things wouldn’t get better if he didn’t try, however, so he looked back up and nodded.

“Fucking fine. I’ll wait.”

The pod came back with a gigantic fish, surprising them both, and they decided that it was enough for the day. On the way back, Eijirou slipped his hand in Kacchan’s, and offered to take a ride back as soon as they reached the plains. If they took the long way home in their mad race on wild boars, Kacchan had no regret. Everything wasn’t solved, but they were back on the right track, probably.

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

                                     Susanoo, the God of Sea and Storms,                                            whose origins stem from Ancient Japan.                                        He is now a swim instructor at Zero to Hero.

FC NAME/GROUP: lee soohyuk GOD NAME: susanoo PANTHEON: japanese OCCUPATION: swim instructor at zero to hero HEIGHT: 1,84m WEIGHT: 61kg DEFINING FEATURES: tattoo of angry waves from the left side of his chest and shoulder blade to his elbow. when he’s starting to lose his temper and/or using his powers, his eyes turn to a bright sea green.

PERSONALITY: susano-o has definitely calmed down after all these centuries away from his pantheon, especially because he’s trying (the keyword being exactly trying) to be a better brother and therefore a better god in general. he doesn’t go around causing as much havoc as before for the smallest pettiest things but it doesn’t mean that he lost his easily triggered temper. he’s just less destructive when angry now. it’s not perfect and he still has the tendency to act selfishly and only look at things from his own point of view, needing a (very hard push) nudge to understand and empathize with others. it doesn’t help that he’s still as good with words as he was when he was young and wild which is not very much. susano-o is blunt and sounds rude and aggressive even when he’s trying to be gentle. even when he’s quiet, he always has this intense aura around him, always looks annoyed and fully done with this bullshit or angry with something.

he’s very much the type to hold grudges for centuries. actually susano-o still has a lot of hard feelings towards his family, not only his siblings but also his father, for some events on his life that he genuinely thinks were unfair to him. he might’ve grown more patient throughout time but it doesn’t mean that he got any more forgiving. but at least, for believing that he had a shitty dad, susano-o tries to give them what his own father didn’t throughout his life (even though he might be a little too awkward with dealing with his own kids) and he’s very protective over them. he also tries not to play favorites because knows first hand how it sucks.

but it also means that when susano-o cares, he cares. he’s clumsy with his feelings because he always feels too much and he ends up not knowing how to deal with it properly (well, at least not in a healthy and ‘let’s-not-destroy-things-until-these-stupid-feelings-go-away’ way). he’d drown the world for eternity if it meant protecting those he holds dear, would go through the humiliation and have his pride as a god being ripped off of him again and again and again if it meant the happiness of the ones he loves.

susano-o is still a very prideful god however and even if he admits (to himself) his wrongdoings from the past and how some of it could be explained but not justified by his sister and daddy issues, it’s very hard for him to say it out aloud and apologize through words. he’s much better with gestures (albeit usually small ones) than expressing himself verbally in any situation. he also gets very easily defensive when accused or when people call his bullshit out. even if he knows they’re right, susano-o’s knee jerk reaction is to defend himself with claws and teeth and he’ll not give up his ground.

HISTORY:

i. basically susano-o’s problems start with dad.

susano-o is understanding enough to know that it isn’t like his father can choose what kid is born from where, so he doesn’t blame him that his siblings are born from his eyes and then there’s little young susano-o came from his nose. cool. what isn’t cool is how he shamelessly shows how much he prefers his other kids than susano-o. how he gives them greater titles like “the sun goddess, the great deity that lights the day” and “ the moon god, the great deity who lights the night” then the youngest is left with the leftovers. they’re called the three noble children who own the sky, but susano-o is the only one who has no part in that sky. amaterasu is entitled to the day and tsukiyomi to the night.

and then like any child, susano-o wants to see his mother, wants to at least have someone on his side for once, even comes with a plan to try to get her back, something that even father failed to do. but then this is susano-o. he’s not only denied that, but also is kicked out of heaven for it.

ii. then there’s dear older sister.

he and amaterasu go a very long and even more complicated way. susano-o admits that he might’ve had way too much fun teasing her and he might’ve crossed the line once or twice and, yes, he was very vocal about his discontentment of his assigned land but that would never mean he’d try to take something that wasn’t his, that wasn’t given to him. he wanted them to recognize that he was worth of the sky and taking it by force, even if very tempting, would just destroy that whole point. however, they were family and susano-o, in his stupidity, thought that amaterasu and the other gods would remember that, would know that he didn’t have those kind of ill-intentions.

but then susano-o was stupid and wrong because amaterasu showed him nothing but hostility when he came to big her goodbye and he was even more stupid and wrong in proposing what was supposed to be a nice game to prove that he was sincere, and his intentions were pure. the one who managed to give birth to greatest gods would prove they were right. amaterasu uses his sword and gives birth to three goddess and susano-o uses her necklace and from there five gods are born. however, instead of admitting her defeat, amaterasu argued (cheated) that the gods were hers because they came from her necklace and the goddess were his because they came from his sword and when susano-o pointed out the absurdity of it and she should just accept that she lost and therefore wrong, no one took his side.

in a fit of rage and frustration, of well, if you want me to play the bad brother, then that’s what i’ll do, he leaves heaven to never return (at least so soon) with a trail of destruction and chaos that includes a dead sacred horse, another dead handmaid and his sister leaving to hide herself in a cave for heavens know how long.

iii. surprisingly the solution comes in the form of a crying couple, mourning over the death of their seventh daughter and fearing for the eighth.

susano-o has never been any hero, that’s something he was sure from the beginning and he never claimed to be. he had no interest in helping a couple of elders, especially when he was still recovering from his newest and possibly more permanent exile from takamagahara. he had no intentions to kill any monster for people he didn’t know, for mortals he didn’t care for.

but then he sees her.

remembering it now, susano-o is extremely embarrassed about the corny thoughts that crossed his mind back then. he was mesmerized by her beauty, charmed by her eyes, enchanted by her voice. he has always heard about what they talked about amaterasu, endless tales and songs about how her divine beauty and susano-o genuinely thinks that those who wrote about his oldest sister, never laid his eyes on kushinada-hime, because then those would be about her.

(or maybe they’d be starstruck like susano-o, not able to find enough words to do her justice).

he knew from the moment he laid his eyes on her that he’d fight his whole pantheon

POWERS:

storm manipulation: is able to create, shape and manipulate storms which includes strong wind (cyclones and windstorm), heavy precipitation (rainstorm).

earthquake generation: is able to create and manipulate earthquakes, usually but not limited to underwater lands which results in tsunamis and natural disasters.

water manipulation: is able to create, shape and control bodies of water. in his case, it also includes ocean manipulation in which he can control not only seawater, but the oceans’ tides, waves and currents. he’s also able to breath underwater.

STRENGTHS:

surprisingly patient in the sense that he doesn’t rush to get things done

protective and loyal over those he holds dear

always sincere about his intentions and feelings. he’s a lot of bad things but not a liar nor deceiver. he’s also very easy to read.

also surprisingly very open-minded about a lot of things and doesn’t tend to be very judgmental about people unless they’ve done something against him

WEAKNESSES:

still has anger issues and, sure, his self control is better than before but it doesn’t really mean much because it’s been always very shitty. it’s like going from 0 to 0.5

doesn’t listen well to others

gets lethargic (and grumpier) when being away too long from the sea, even in the island, he still needs to go to the coast a couple of times to avoid that.

also hates sunny days but it’s something more related with his bad relationship with amaterasu and even now it’s just something he can easily shrug off.  

[book-tease]

Snooping and First Kisses (Scorbus)

Pairing: Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter

Rating: Gen.

Summary: Albus ropes Scorpius into snooping through the Headmistress’s office. Will something happen between the two? 

Note: Heres to shitty summaries and finally getting this shit up!

Read on Ao3 or below the cut.

Albus and Scorpius were bored.

Hogwarts wasn't a place you'd imagine to be boring, but during the holidays when everyone else was at home, it was the most boring place on Earth. Or at least it seemed like it to the two 15 year old boys.

Scorpius had to stay a day late because no one would have been able to pick him up from the train station and for some reason, Draco refused to let the Potters take him, even though they'd done it before.

(Scorpius suspected this has to do with not wanted them to see the Malfoy Manor under construction, as everything was being remodeled)

Albus refused to leave his best friend (he wasn't sure what to call him anymore. His best friend who he has almost kissed a couple times?) alone and was going to hitch a floo with the Malfoys the next day.

In the meantime, they had to entertain themselves and Albus had a brilliant idea. He just had to convince Scorpus of this as well.

Scorpius was not convinced.

“Scorpius, I will give you all the Sugar Quills I can buy with my allowance if you embark on this adventure with me!”

“Well.. may-” Scorpius thought out loud, but was quick to correct his submission. “No! All the sugar quills in the world couldn't-” he paused “ well actually maybe then… But no!”

Albus grinned, ignoring his defiance. The fact that he wavered was enough to know that he had worn Scorpius down.

“Cmon, please.” Albus pleaded, rather weakly compared to before but there was no doubt Scorpius would give in.

Scorpius heaved a big sigh, and nodded. “Fine. How do we get into the Headmistress's  office then?”

Albus practically squealed and grabbed Scorpius’s hand, leading the way with the password in his head and a thought.

I am so in love with this boy

-

“Felix Felicis” Albus said to the gargoyle.and pulled Scorpius into the office when it let them in.

Headmistress Mcgonagall’s office was personalized, however there was a corner that was so purely Dumbledore that it sometimes hurt Albus’s father to look at.

Most of the portraits were asleep or out as it was rather late and no one else was at Hogwarts.

Albus quickly glanced at Dumbledore and Snape’s portraits, curious as to if they were awake, ad what would they say about his names.

Shaking that thought out of his head, he and Scorpius started on the desk, snooping through the drawers.

They didn't know exactly what they were looking for, but they had heard a rumor that Mcgonagall got some wizard’s address to owl him, at the Three Broomsticks and while they had nothing better to do, they were going to find out who this bloke was.

Scorpius gasps about 10 minutes into the rummaging and jumps up and down, a small piece of parchment in his fingers.

Albus looked up from where he was searching the cabinets near the the desk, and clapped, walking over to in front of scorpius, unintentionally trapping Scorpius against the desk.

“Oh okay! Who is it, who is it?!”

Albus was excited, mcgonagall deserved love, or at least a fling, even at 83.

Scorpius ignored the heat pooling in his belly and looked down at the writing etched onto the parchment in his hands. He grimaced a little, recognizing the last name.

“Xeno… Xenophilius. Xenophilius Lovegood.”

Albus’ face turned into one of sheer horror.

“She’s shagging Aunt Luna’s dad!” Albus screeched, not caring that the portraits were now listening carefully, intrigued by the whole situation.

Scorpius nodded, his face twisted in a funny way, trying to contain his amusement.

Albus was adorable.

Albus noticed and jabbed an accusing finger at scorpius with a faux scowl, he himself trying not to laugh.

“Scorpius! This is not funny! It’s weird! Mcgonagall is like 30 years older than him! And-” he had to stop to regain composure, but then that composure never came. As soon as he stopped talking, he collapsed into a fit of laughter, his face in the crook of Scorpius’ neck to attempt to stifle it. Although, that didn't do much seeing as Scorpius’ composure had broken as well, not that that was hard.

The two boys were pressed against each other, consumed with laughter, while the headmaster portraits rolled their eyes at their antics.

Once both boys composed themselves, Albus lifted his head up from scorpius, finding himself gazing into his shiny grey eyes, slightly wet from the fits of laughter they had just recovered from. Albus hadn't noticed how close they were, and if he just slightly tilted his chin up, he could easily close the small distance between his and scorpius’s lips. This had been happening a lot lately, the unconscious and conscious closeness, almost kisses interrupted by an awkward cough, or even small displays of affection like laying hands on shoulders in comfort or even just a brush of hands as they walked through the courtyard.

Albus gulped, and decided to take a leap, and slowly raised his hand to brush back a few pieces of hair from Scorpius’s face to test the waters. He could hear his sharp intake of breath, and that almost make him pull away, and he would have if not for the fact that he had not been pushed yet. Taking a deep breath, Albus tilted his chin up, and slowly descended his lips upon Scorpius’s own.

Scorpius didn’t respond immediately,and so Albus pulled back, and started stuttering out apologies

“Oh Merlin, im so sorry i shouldn't ha-” Scorpius, who had been snapped out of his shock when he didn't feel the plush lips of albus upon his, and cut him off by pressing his lips to his.

Albus didn't hesitate to respond, grateful that this was finally happening after 2 years of pining after his best friend, over analyzing every touch and word.

Their lips pushed against each other clumsily, neither having any experience. It didn't take long though, their lips seeming to mold together on their own, like they were made for each other. After a few minutes,unaware of the portraits whispering, they reluctantly pulled away, panting, lips tingly and swollen. Pressing their foreheads against each other, a smile overtaking scorpius’s face, relieved and dazed. Albus didn't look much different.

In the end, it wasnt Scorpius or Albus who broke their daze with words, it was Albus Dumbledore.

“My my, not exactly what i was expecting when a Potter and a Malfoy walked into this office.”

The boys pulled away from each other, blushing from head to toe.

“Professor Dumbledore!” Albus said in shock. In his 4 years at Hogwarts, he had never met his namesake portrait, not for lack of trying. He just was never in the Headmistress’s office and had never had the means to sneak in. James had both the marauder map and invisibility, and Lily was the only one to be able to steal it. This was not the ideal way to meet him, kissing his… friend and snooping through Mcgonagall’s office.

“Mr Potter. I’m guessing you're Albus, seeing as you have only one brother and he's been in here a few times.” Dumbledore says, smiling kindly. “Although, I’m curious, your father named all of his kids after someone, first name and middle name. So who’s your middle name?”

Albus quickly glanced over at Snape’s portrait, who up until now had been paying attention with mild interest.

“Severus” Albus said in quiet, yet proud voice. He wasn't ashamed, but it was a little weird to be telling a portrait that they’re named after them.

Snape guaffed, and Phineas Black cackled. “Severus! Harry bloody Potter named a kid after you! How cute!”

“Phineas, please. It is a great honor and not to be laughed at.” Albus said, his voice calm and bored, as if he's had to deal with Phineas’s commentary more than enough to become used to it.

(Which, he had.)

Snape was still in shock, eyes wide and every few seconds muttering “severus… bloody potters”

Albus blushed, and Scorpius spoke up for the first time since the kiss. “Well, i'm sure this is a shock and all that, but is there anyway you wont mention this to the Headmistress?” Scorpius was genuinely concerned with this, but wouldn't have bothered asking if he hadn't noticed that Albus was starting to uncomfortable.

Dumbledore smiled apologetically. “Unfortunately, as portraits we are required to aid the Headmistress in these sorts of things.”

Albus was a little annoyed at this, although he supposed it was worth it. They had figured out who Mcgonagall was seeing, even if it was Mr Lovegood.

“That's fine. Um, we'll just be going then. We still need to stop by the kitchens before we leave tomorrow” Albus said in a hesitant voice, not knowing exactly what to say. Albus Dumbledore had caught him and Scorpius snogging, well that was a bit generous.He had seen their first kiss and Al stumbling over his words.

A sudden thought struck him. What if one of the portraits tells Mcgonagall, or my Dad or Scorpius’s dad? It's not that they were ashamed, it's just this had just happened and they haven't even discussed what that kiss meant. His dad didn't even know he was into guys!

He was panicking a little, and Scorpius must've been too, however he had voiced his worries. He always was better at that.

“Are.. Can you not tell the Headmistress that you… you saw us..” Scorpius gestured vaguely, not really sure what to call what had happened. It wasn't only a kiss.

Scorpius tentatively continued when none of the portraits responded, although Snape had just snapped out of his shock and was sure to have some input. “Or my dad. Or Al’s dad. Its just… Its not that important for them to know is it?” The last bit was rushed out, unnerved by the silence.

Surprisingly, Snape was the first to speak up. “I guess… a promise to protect your dad, Scorpius, extends to you as well…” The former (and brief) Headmaster hesitated, not quite sure why he was helping a potter out of a non life threatening situation.

Scorpius and Albus both brightened, relieved at the mercy and the opportunity to talk about the kiss and what it meant before people found out.

“Thank you! That means a lot.. I mean.. Thank you.” Albus managed to stutter out.

Snape’s portrait seemed to almost blush, and Dumbledore and the others just smiled.

Albus linked his hand with Scorpius’s, and pulled him along with him to exit the office, both unbelievably relieved.

As soon as the entrance to the office was closed, Albus and Scorpius gone, Snape quietly muttered his thoughts, ignoring his act of mercy early.

“A Malfoy and a Potter… Merlin things have changed.”

Dumbledore caught it, and bore a big grin. “That they have, Severus. That they have.”

Albus Dumbledore stared at the closed entrance, one last thought before he slept.

They're lucky to have each other. In every way.

[ghxstee]

Post four;

The mistakes you make in the beginning of a relationship whether that be a friendship, romantic relationship, familial, etc. set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Whether we like it or not it’s difficult to “forgive and forget” so to speak. Especially when it’s in the very start.

In this instance, I’m referring to my own romantic relationship with Liebe. At the start, he made some detrimental mistakes that have effected our relationship then on. Admittedly I have troubles even trusting him at this point.

It’s weird too, because I can never tell if I’m justified in it or not. Mostly because a part of me believes that if someone can do it to you once, they are capable of doing it again. However, I also believe people don’t grow unless you give them the room to.

These are two very conflicting ideologies, and I never know when or where I draw the line. I have no answer as to what the “unless” between those two statements is.

When I met Liebe, I quickly learned he had someone he referred to as his “Future Wife”. He had already come to terms with the fact that it would never actually happen though. When we refer to her, I guess we can call her “Insecurity” because she has been the basis of all of my insecurities in my relationship with Liebe.

I feel that Liebe genuinely feels remorseful for the things he put me through early on, but the unfortunate thing is once I’ve been hurt in a specific way, I can’t trust that it won’t happen again.

It’s especially hard when I alrway have PTSD, because my amygdala is already overdeveloped and hypersensitive. Things that normal people would just get over, feel beyond traumatic for me. Things that normal people can just let go of, I hold onto. They get to haunt me in my weakest moments.

Story time;

When Liebe and I got together it was immediately following the relationship I had with Control. There wasn’t much room inbetween.

Control and I had our own apartment together. When I broke up with him, he and I were in an open relationship. I didn’t start seeing Liebe or anything during our relationship especially because the rule was that it couldn’t be with someone Control knew. And he knew Liebe, since he saw him around the Sadness Factory.

Even though I had paid for the entirety of the deposit on the apartment Control and I had together, I ended up abandoning ship because I couldn’t handle the emotional abuse he had started putting me through. I didn’t have anywhere to go and Liebe was kind enough to let me move in. He offered me an out and a safe space.

I stayed with Liebe until a few months in when we broke up. I was having troubles jumping right back into something else as it wasn’t my typical style. Not to mention all of the shit Liebe started putting me through.

Liebe hadn’t been in a relationship in four years. Getting used to that change was difficult on him. If anything I try to be understanding.

But it was difficult. He would be out at the bar until 2am without warning, I would have no idea where he was or what was going on. And I was still very aware of his feelings for Insecurity.

Liebe didn’t really open up to me, and he didn’t really spend any actual time with me. Which quality time for me has always been a need in a relationship.

Understand that I’m not trying to paint Liebe as a Villain here. He hurt me, but he is human. And the older I get the more I realize everyone will let you down and hurt you in some way at some point. Especially when you’re sensitive like me.

I left him, and ended up sleeping on the couch of a coworker for a few months. In that time frame, my ex who we can call “Colorado” and I were in the process of repairing things. He was my ex before Control and I got together, and the person who had left me the most damaged in some ways. I loved him deeply and felt as if he was my first true love.

Colorado was stationed in well, Colorado. Meanwhile I was in Idaho.

I was always honest with Colorado, but I was so far from perfect to him. I recognize he tried to repair the damages he had even done. He tried to call me regularly and listen to me. He tried to be there for me in every way he could. He had his things that I really just couldn’t get past because he wasn’t perfect. But no one really is.

While I was repairing things with Colorado, Liebe and I still remained in contact. But things were difficult with him.

I still had stuff to reclaim from his place. I ended up going there to get it and everything seemed fine. We talked and I explained how I was silly and accidentally purchased 40 joints, because I thought the packs I bought only had five each.

He said he would buy some off of me, and I told him there was no need. He could just have them. When I grabbed my stuff and had almost all of it packed to go, he hugged me goodbye. The hug felt like an eternity and every part of me wanted to cry. He held me tight and I could tell he didn’t want to let go.

I didn’t want him to let go either. And just as I was about to start crying he made a joke and we both laughed.

A few weeks later, I brought Liebe the joints. I drove about 30 minutes to come drop these off, which to me wasn’t a big deal.

I knocked on the door, stepped in momentarily to hand them off, and turned to walk out before he told me I didn’t need to go so soon since I drove all the way out there.

“There’s a concert tonight that my friend is playing, and we can go to that.”

Deep down I knew this was his way of making amends for never doing anything with me or spending time with me. But I agreed to go.

I told Colorado what I was doing so he would understand that I wasn’t trying to be shady. He understood and he was fine with it.

The entire time we were there was difficult, I was uncomfortable. I still had feelings for Liebe. We sat at the table, and we didn’t really say much. I wanted to touch him, I wanted to hold his hand. I wanted things to be the way they used to be. I just knew better than that, and I was supposed to be repairing the relationship I had with Colorado.

Eventually we left, he stuck a sticker to the dashboard of the car. And I remember always looking at it whenever I was in the car, fondly. Even though it was not my car. But the owner, explicitly expressed she did not care.

I still had things to grab from Liebe and so a few weeks went by and I had asked Liebe if I could get them. The way he treated me was so much colder. His best friend started talking to me semi-regularly which I didn’t really think anything of it. Mostly because I had no ulterior motives behind talking to him.

Liebe would periodically message me upset that I was talking to his friend, which at that point I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why he even cared because we weren’t together.

The thing that Liebe still had was a set of bedsheets. I know you’re probably thinking, “Big fucking deal. They’re just sheets.” Except I’m weird and my sheets are important to me, especially when they’re of a higher thread count. I love nice linens. Probably due to how I was raised or something.

Eventually I went to recover them. He was supposed to wash them, but I lost hope on that happening and just went a grabbed them from him myself. It was frustrating waiting for him to get around to it, and with the way he was treating me I wanted to cut ties.

Or that’s what I thought anyways. I grabbed the sheets and he handed them over and practically slammed the door in my face. Which I never understood, and honestly when I think about it I feel it had something to do with Insecurity.

Shortly after, I messaged him asking what changed after the concert. Why had he started being so cold. His response was something along the lines of him feeling I wasn’t ready to be friends or something which never made any fucking sense to me.

Eventually, the coworker I was residing with needed to rehome a litter of kittens. And the one that had trouble finding a home, I offered to Liebe because I knew he would take good care of her.

I brought her over, again with Colorado knowing who I was with and where I would be. I hung out and gave her time to warm up to her environment and Liebe had just gotten done with a road trip to see family for some disheartening reasons.

His best friend and I sat outside the apartments bullshitting and discussing various things while we smoked our cigarettes.

Meanwhile I was receiving messages from Liebe like “You guys are being loud”, and then once I quieted down, “You guys are awfully quiet out there, are you making out?” And a handful of other shitty messages.

We made our way back in after smoking like five cigarettes.

Liebe was in the living room, and I asked him if we could have an actual conversation and talk things out like adults.

I explained to him that I didn’t stop having feelings for him. And that him acting jealous was crap. He calmed down, and asked to lay his head in my lap so I could rub his back and I had no problem with that. I still cared for him.

He and I talked and shared music as we typically did. He accused me of having a broad taste in music and I was a little offended but it was nice for he and I to just be getting along without any weirdness.

Admittedly, this is when I should have left. It was about one or two in the morning, and I should have gone home. But Liebe offered to let me stay since it was so late. And to him, I was still single. There was no one else.

These are things I still feel guilty for.

Liebe has always been my Achilles heel. That night I ended up sleeping with him. I left feeling like a sack of shit.

I did try to turn him down on multiple occasions, but I fell victim to seduction.

The next day, I immediately called Colorado and explained what happened. I couldn’t be dishonest, and I couldn’t hide my actions from him.

He begged me to get help because these things weren’t like me, and my mental health was a rapid decline. He just wanted to see me be the best version of myself, but he recognized I was self destructing. I agreed to start therapy again even though I had always been opposed to it after negative experiences from my childhood.

I told him I would and that I was sorry, he even gave me the opportunity to fix things. Which I never deserved in the first place.

-To Be Continued-

[ladycatland]

That's amazing and you are amazing

Uuuuhhhhhhh hot take of the day

An aspect of recovering from being manipulating that is way too overlooked and underused in this fandom is the whole "trying to not overreact" thing

Ok that explains nothing and sounds like a completely different thing than I mean but. Ok. Bear with me here

The reason manipulation often works is that it relies on different social norms etc etc etc. Now. At its most extreme it's easy to see that the logic manipulators use mostly just pretends to follow social rules and shit and uses technicalities as a crutch and all that.

But. But. There's still a connection to normal social behaviour there.

There's a fine line between socially acceptable mistakes and non acceptable mistakes and manipulators and abusers pretend to be toeing that line by accident when they are nowhere fckin near it

We have the whole thing about Tommy now being able to anticipate and sometimes even recognize being manipulated. And that's great.

But I feel like content creators of this fandom are ignoring the possibilities of him seeing manipulation in places where there isn't.

Tommy has had his perception and judgement being pushed into question so he'd rely on other people for those things, that was a part of his manipulation and abuse by dream but also others like Wilbur and techno to some extend.

Now he's recovering and healing, and a big part of that is learning to trust his own perception and judgements on things again. Which is what he needs to do to get more healthy. But against that goes the fact that his perceptions and judgements are influenced by trauma.

Working on being your best self is always hard but especially so with extreme past experiences because it's always finding a healthy middle ground between extremes that's still effective.

And especially Tommy is a character that would allow for those things to be explored rather easily.

The desire and need to change to become better Vs still staying true to yourself and actually being yourself (it's kinda the whole. Stealing and scamming thing but also more. Tommy wants to be a better person and that's great but he also shouldn't have to give up such small things as stealing and scamming. It's becoming good and healthy without becoming a saint)

Relearning how to trust Vs not falling into old patterns that allow people like Wilbur to manipulate him

Not getting involved into everything and not letting everything get to you Vs not becoming detached somewhat similar to dream or techno

Finding a healthy balance for many things will be difficult for Tommy because he's pretty much treading new ground. He doesn't have anyone to look for how it's done because he's uniquely Tommy.

People like jack or ponk or whoever could actually sit back and focus on themselves if they wanted (and to a big extend they do)

But Tommy can't just detach himself from the whole dream situation despite that being healthy for him. And that's not because of his own mental health issues but because ignoring this problem could invite physical danger

I've said it before and I'll say it again but Tommy is pretty much the only person on the server that gets shit done. Other people are ineffective lazy butts.

Tommy has to go against his own interest and become the hero of the server again because if he doesn't his life will be hell.

Dream will escape, kill tubbo, and do other shitty stuff that I could get into but honestly I think killing tubbo is already enough. Like. Dream gets out, kills tubbo and everything will be worse.

Tommy needs to be the hero because noone else is taking charge to fight in his interest or genuinely protect him. Except maybe the other two minors he's close to but those two are pretty shit at actually taking charge too so... (Really hoping for ranboo to have a Tommy arc it'd be amazing it'd fit so well you know what I'm talking about I've ranted to you about it before)

But anyways I've gotten very off track

Tommy recognizing manipulation or thinking he recognizes manipulation where there is none. Right?

Just. We "manipulate" people on the daily. When we have bad news to tell or want to ask something of someone we will gift them something or compliment them to get them into a better mood so they'll be more likely to have the reaction we want

It works kind of on the principle of "hey look how great I am as a presence in your life, so please be accomodating to this inconvenience I'm about to introduce"

Now in actual manipulation and abuse that's cranked to the max.

So yeah, I kinda want fanworks to explore more of Tommy having false alarms.

Okay this was a long as rant but like. Yeah. Idk.

I think it's not unreasonable to have Tommy not Not trust his friends but more like, not Trust his trust.

I think that'd be neat and interesting. I guess

WHATS UP MY SEXY BEAINED BELOVED HOW ARE YOU

I'M GOOD! JUST WENT ON ANOTHER LONG ASS RANT LIKE USUAL!

That's all I know how to do, I wake up, I follow my classes, I get on Tumblr and I rant. It's an endless cycle...

How about you my beloved? How's your morning going? Got any hot takes or AUs for me this fine morning?

[littlewatty]

Reyes Headcanons

I’ve been going over all of the headcanons that have popped up in the tag over the last two months. I love a lot of them, but these are my personal favorites (with some of my own added). @vorchagirl and @mmmerchedesi I blame both of you for my obsession with this damn smuggler.

If you recognize one of your HC’s that you’ve posted, let me know and I’ll tag you so people know who to thank! (I was stupid and didn’t copy the names of the original posters in my HC collection document). Along the same vein, if you are tagged and do not wish to be, I will remove it if you ask me to. Just trying to give credit where it’s due!

It’s a long post, because there’s a TON of HC’s about him out there. So, find all the ones I wanted to share under the cut.

Personality HCs:

He doesn’t get much sleep, goes to bed late and wakes up early. Averages about 4-5 hours on a good day.

He’s soft. Not necessarily fluffy, because he’s pretty active, but he’s not HARDCORE RIPPED and that’s okay.

BIG DOGS. Especially giant lap dogs. (@atoijan)

He never sits with his back to a door or a window, and always prefers to be facing the entrance of a room. When possible, he always keeps close to a potential exit (but almost never the main).

Dominant personality, but is willing to let someone he trusts take that control from him. In fact, he likes not having to be the one in control all the time.

Definite drama geek. Probably loves watching old soaps and westerns.

This bleeds over into his romantic side - the cheesy lines, the jazz numbers, etc etc. He feels 10 years younger.

Hates nicknames/codenames. They make him into someone else, and all he wants to be is Reyes.

Can totally tell if Ryder is using SAM to cheat in poker. (@reyes-of-sunshine)

An ass man. He likes a good ass, and he’s got a nice ass, and is kind of an ass.

Hates talking about himself, and does his best to avoid it. If he has to, he frames it in jokes or flirts so that its not taken seriously.

When he was young he wanted to be recognized as having done good things. When he got older he realized it was unrealistic, so he just wanted to make changes for the better where no one else would.

Completely and utterly vain.

If he needs to stay awake: Irish coffee when available, otherwise just shitty black coffee. (@solstheimart)

He doesn’t rely on his translator when speaking to others in a language he is fluent in. He’s too careful for that. (@bastardofkadara)

Family/Relationship HCs:

He had an amazing grandmother, probably the one person he watched soaps with

Probably was the youngest sibling

Definitely has a thing with Kian

He’s a flirt, but only for fun. He doesn’t actually commit to people or take things beyond playful banter.

Anytime someone likes him, he assumes they like the facade. When they show genuine interest in him, he does everything he can to impress (and ends up fumbling, but recovers brilliantly - a la Night on the Town)

Starved for affection and physical/intimate touch (not necessarily sexual) (@kkandross)

(if romanced) when it comes to Ryder, he doooooeeeesn’t always think things through to completion

If someone legit betrays his trust, he will not hesitate to pay it back in full. Even if it was someone who he was very close to, or even loved.

Work HCs:

“Ends justify the means”

Reyes knows FULL WELL what each and every member of the Collective does. Gathering intel is his specialty, it doesn’t make sense if he doesn’t know what his people are doing. The Kadara torture room is a “necessary evil” to him.

He’s definitely personalized his shuttle. A pilot like him can’t have just any stock model. That’s probably why there’s so many scrap parts surrounding Collective combat zones.

He is just about the right age to have either been in the same class as, or to have been in flight school at the same time as Joker. I’m smelling a rivalry.

After being linked into the Tempest crew’s comms for A People Divided, he used it to keep tabs on Ryder whenever they were on Kadara. SAM is fully aware but doesn’t tell.

Reyes also uses that comm link to inform SAM of information or him needing assistance - and SAM always directs Ryder in Reyes’ direction as a result.

Reyes and Vetra have worked together in the past, they just didn’t realize it

Ryder arriving in the cave was not a surprise. Once he heard about Sloane and Ryder having civil conversations, he knew Sloane would recruit Ryder’s help. He even counted on it. This was his way of showing Ryder who he was.

He expected Ryder to save Sloane, hoped they wouldn’t, but did not expect them to shoot him in the back

[sinbinsidney]

NurseyWeek Prompt #2 - Surprise

Bitty almost jumps out of his skin when the Haus’ front door bangs open, the loud slam of wood against wall echoing through the hallway and reaching Bitty where he had been sitting placidly at the kitchen table. He relaxes when he recognizes Nursey in the archway of the room, but something about the way he’s standing makes Bitty double take.

It looks like someone took Nursey and gave him a good shake, sloughing off all that hipster cool that he so carefully cultivates for his everyday persona. Nursey’s lost the regular slouch in his shoulders, the serene look on his face; now, he’s swaying slightly, legs and arms tucked tight into his body. It’s like he’s unconsciously trying to take up as small a space as he can, which, being a 6’2” college athlete, isn’t all that small. His curls are slightly mussed, and he has lines of exhaustion written across his face.

“Bits,” he says, a note of solemnity in his quiet voice, “I need your help.”

Bitty blinks in surprise. He loves his team mates, truly, but Nursey and he had never had the sort of relationship that involved Nursey actively searching for his help. Everyone knows he’s got a soft spot for the Frogs, but literally all of them have a soft spot for Chowder, and the Haus (and Betsy, and therefore Bitty) would have fallen apart without Dex around to keep it up; Nursey, though, Nursey hasn’t connected as well with Bitty. Something odd must be going on in that boy’s head.

“Of course, sweetheart, what is it?” Bitty asks, tilting his head. Nursey drops the eye contact he’s held since entering the kitchen and presses his lips together in a thin line before meeting Bitty’s gaze again. He sets four grocery bags down on the table in front of Bitty and lets the rustle of the plastic fill the space between them for a handful of seconds.

“I’m going to make baklava,” he begins again, “but I don’t want to do it alone.” He nudges the bags. “I’ve bought the ingredients already, so we don’t have to worry about that.” Bitty, still surprised, recovers quickly.

“Of course, I’ll help you! I didn’t know you liked to bake, honey,” he says kindly. Nursey gives an uncharacteristic shuffle of his feet and shrugs.

“Making baklava with my mom is a sort of tradition, I guess. Whenever I was feeling particularly shitty, we’d set up and make a batch or two.” He shrugs again, shoulders tight with tension. “It’s therapeutic, I guess.”  Bitty smiles and stands up, nodding decisively.

“Mama and I do the same with peach pie,” he adds, grinning at Nursey and receiving a small smile back, a little bit of hesitance in those brilliant green eyes. Nursey ducks his head and begins pulling out the things he’d bought from the store. Bitty joins in, letting the crinkling of the bags and the quiet thuds of ingredients replace the chatter he’d usually engage in.

The kitchen soon fills with the quiet sounds of Bitty chopping the walnuts and pistachios as Nursey stirs together the syrup, methodically mixing until the sugar begins to dissolve. Bitty watches him out of the corner of his eye as he mixes, a little line forming between his brows as Nursey stays silent.

“Nursey, I just – well.” He stops and huffs out a frustrated breath. “I just want you to know that I’m here to talk to, when or if you need it. No pressure, or anything, just – I’m here, that’s all.” Nursey quits stirring, knocking the edge of the spoon against the pot before he turns to Bitty and leans a hip against the counter.

“Thanks, Bitty,” he says, straightening up a bit, his voice losing that bit of harsh edge it had earlier. He smiles at Bitty, a honest one that tells Bitty that Nursey really appreciates what he’s doing.

“Bits, can I talk to – oh, Nursey.” Dex’s voice cuts through the moment. Nursey essentially flips a switch as Bitty watches, going from the genuine, tired boy from the minute before to this perfected, smooth as glass surface. Dex clearly catches it as well, judging by the shocked expression on his face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he slows down his last words, dragging them out as he studies Nursey where he’s leaning against the cabinets, one dark eyebrow cocked.

“Need something, Poindexter?” he drawls out. Dex gives him a look.

“. . . yeah, actually,” he says, seeming just as surprised by this as they are. He flicks his eyes over at Bitty nervously, as if he wished not to have an audience. Even so, he steels himself, putting his shoulders back and looking directly at Nursey. “I’m sorry.” Nursey drops the face for a second, fumbling with his left hand at the edge of the counter.

“You … you are?”

“Yeah. What I said came out wrong, but even so, I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” Silence for a handful of incredibly awkward heartbeats.

“Well. Good talk,” Dex says gruffly, turning on his heel and marching out of the kitchen, the tips of his ears flaming red. Nursey stares after him until Bitty gives a pointed cough. He startles into action and moves the syrup off the heat to let it cool, avoiding Bitty’s gaze, but even so the corner of his mouth is visibly tilted up and a weight seems to have lifted off his shoulders.

Bitty pats his arm a few times and shrugs as he says, “Boys. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.” Nursey turns to stare at him, green eyes bright.

“You–”

“Honey, please. You think I can’t recognize pining when I see it?” His brown eyes flash with barely contained laughter. “Now, speaking of pining, if you don’t go get that boy and have him help us with this phyllo, I’ll kick your ass myself.” Nursey scoffs but snaps off a quick salute before jogging off to catch up to Dex.

Bitty shakes his head, smiling fondly after the two, before he turns back to his half-chopped pistachios.

“Now, let’s get ya’ll all done for when they come back, alright?”

“Speaking of pining” what’s that supposed to mean? Derek thinks as he leaves the Haus. Bitty can’t mean what I think he means, right? He can’t. I’m hearing things I want to hear, that’s all.

“Yo, Poindexter!” Derek shouts as he spots Dex’s bright red hoodie down the sidewalk to his right. When he sees the figure halt, Derek picks his way over the broken pieces of cement beneath his feet, having learned his lesson about rushing over this part through quite a few falls.

He takes a deep breath just before he reaches Dex and tries to relax. He’s just a dude asking another dude to make some dessert pastry, that’s all. Totally normal. Right. Yes.

“Baklava?” he says. Fuck.

Dex squints at him. “Yes, that’s what you were making.”

“No, I meant, would you like to come back and help?” Dex’s eyes widen and his eyebrows raise just the slightest bit.

“Oh! Oh. I don’t want to intrude,” he trails off.

“You wouldn’t be,” Derek finishes, firm. Dex looks over at him, amber eyes searching. Whatever he sees on Derek’s face makes the hard line of his mouth soften and the lines around his eyes to disappear just the slightest bit.

“I’d … I’d like that,” he says, looking down at his shoes. “Thanks.”

“Chyeah, no problem.” Derek about faces and leads the way back down the street towards the Haus.

“Hey, Nursey?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re okay, right?”

“We’re okay.”

“I really am sorry,” Dex says, eyes on the ground. Derek looks at him, gaze catching on the gold of his eyelashes as they fan out across his cheek.

“I know, Dex. I forgive you, it’s cool,” he says, quietly.

“I’m an asshole.”

“Yeah, well. You can be. You’re not the worst ever, though.”

“Ringing endorsement, Nurse. I’ll put that on my resumé. ‘Not the Worst Ever,’ Derek Nurse, 2017.” Nursey laughs lightly and shoves at Dex’s shoulder as they enter the Haus. It quickly devolves into a mini-wrestling match as they good-naturedly bat at each other in the doorway of the kitchen.

A sharp rap on each of their heads stops them both as they split apart, letting out identical Ow!s.

“If you two are quite finished, we have a dessert to assemble?” Bitty raises a cool eyebrow at the both of them, but he’s grinning. Both of them know what true Bitty kitchen wrath feels like, and this was definitely more of a warning shot, but still. They scurry over to the table, where Bitty has set up a sort of assembly line with the filling, phyllo, and melted butter all in order next to a pan. Derek grins at the set up and leans a little into Bitty’s warmth at his right side.

“Thanks, Bits,” he says, quiet enough to reach Bitty’s ears only. The little blonde tilts his head up to look at him and knocks his foot with his own.

“Anytime,” he replies seriously.

Dex has already begun to carefully unfold the first sheet of phyllo dough, dexterous fingers plying apart the edges and taking care not to rip it. Derek grins as he watches him bite the edge of his lip in concentration, just like he does when he’s fixing something.

The three of them get into a rhythm; Dex unfolds the sheet and puts it in the pan and Bitty spreads each layer with melted butter until they have enough for the first bit of the nut filling, which Derek carefully evens out. They end up with the traditional 33 layers of phyllo and two layers of nuts, just like how his mom makes it. Bitty whisks it away towards the oven. Derek smiles even as he feels Dex’s eyes on him.

When he turns to look back at Dex, time seems to slow, sinking to a syrupy sweetness as their gazes catch and hold. It’s a few seconds that could have felt like an hour to Derek, honestly, lost in the searching eyes of William Poindexter. They’re only a bit apart, turned from where their shoulders were pressed together as they worked. Derek can feel the warmth pouring off of Dex’s body, see the slight movement of his chest as he breathes. Fuck it, he thinks, sudden and loud in the humming quiet of his mind.

He leans forward and presses a kiss high on Dex’s cheekbone, right where he’s traced the Cassiopeia constellation in Dex’s freckles with his eyes countless times. He lingers there for barely half a second, feeling the warmth of Dex’s skin as he closes his eyes, savoring the moment. He pulls back at Dex’s surprised inhale, opening his eyes but keeping them trained on the floor, not wanting to see Dex’s face.

“Thanks for helping,” he murmurs. Dex is silent and Derek winces, already beginning to back away. He sees Dex move out of the corner of his vision and flinches, thinking idiot, what’s wrong with you, you can’t just kiss people, oh my god and taking a sharp inhale of his own when he feels Dex’s hand on his shoulder. He looks up, blinking in startled confusion.

Dex has the softest expression Derek has ever seen on his face, despite the fire red blush that’s arcing its way up his cheeks and over his ears. His thumb is stroking gently over Derek’s collarbone and Derek is 90% certain he’s about to have a heart attack. Dex smiling at Derek and shakes his head.

“Anytime, Nurse.” He grins harder and affects a dumb voice, à la Will Ferrell. “You’re my boy, Blue! You’re my boy.” Nursey snorts ungracefully and shoves at his shoulder.

“McFuck off, Dex.” Dex shakes his head, still smiling.

“Nah, you’re stuck with me now.” Derek lets a moment pass, listening to Bitty pointedly bustling about it the background. He looks over to check on him and feels a swift pressure on his cheek. His green eyes are round as saucers as he whips back around to face Dex.

He pressed a hand to his cheek, right where he had felt Dex’s lips against his skin, just for that brief moment. He can feel the rush of warmth as he blushes, even if Dex can’t see it. Dex himself won’t meet his eyes and gives an awkward cough.

“I’m gonna. Um. Go. Yep,” he stammers out, jerking a thumb over his shoulder and turning tail as he scurries out of the Haus for the second time that day. Derek lets a grin bloom over his face as Bitty swans into his field of vision.

He whoops and wraps Bitty up in a hug, whirling him around in a circle before plopping him back down and ruffling his hair.

“Mr. Nurse, I have no idea why we ever think you’re relaxed, dear lord!” Bitty exclaims, clearly flustered, but he’s smiling almost as wide as Derek is.

“Can you text me when the baklava is done?” He asks in a rush of words, syllables tripping over themselves almost as much as he is as he scrambles to gather his things and get out the door.

“Yes, yes, now go!” Bitty laughs at him, flapping a hand towel at him as he passes. The door slams shut behind Derek as Bitty leans back against Betsy 2.0.

He sighs and shakes his head, smile still firmly in place.

“Well, girl,” he says, patting Betsy 2.0. “the things we see in this kitchen.” He chuckles to himself again and wanders off to find his phone. He presses the screen a few times and holds it up to his ear.

“Honey, the most wonderful thing just happened … ”

[iris-sistibly]

4R’s: Encantadia Season 2 (Feb. 23, 2017 episode review)

Episode 159

Recap:

Lira’s frustrations

Ether appeared before Pirena, Danaya and Ybrahim and created a whirlwind to keep them from attacking Etheria and left the three of them. Ybrahim and Danaya used the air and earth gems to free themselves from the whirlwind and landed safely on the ground. Muros returned from his fight with Amarro, the Mashna got knocked out but was fine nevertheless. The four went back to Lireo where the younger sang’gres Lira and Mira were waiting for them, Mira was relieved that they were safe, but Lira resented the elders for not letting her and Mira join the battle which would have increased their chances to win against Ether’s forces. This resulted to a heated argument between her and the elders especially her Ashti Hara Danaya, Lira bitterly walked out. Pirena also asked if Mira feels the same which the young sang’gre admitted and even got into a misunderstanding between her and her mother as well.

Ybrahim followed Lira and expressed how he disliked the way Lira acted towards her Ashtis. Lira was getting frustrated at how the elders seem to treat both her and Mira like kids, their overprotectiveness, and how they seem to not trust her and Mira, this only made Lira wish her mother was there, for it was only Amihan who never treated her the way everyone treats her, she was the only one who trusted her. Lira admitted she still miss her mother so much, it was evident that she’s still hurting and couldn’t accept her mother’s death even after all these years. Ybrahim explained his side, that he didn’t want Lira to get hurt which was why he’s overprotective, and like her, he still misses Amihan and he always think about her every single day, and like Lira, Ybrahim is still hoping to see Amihan once again.

Meanwhile, Danaya ordered Muros to find Hitano and tell him about Lila Sari, Aquil came and was baffled at Danaya’s sudden cold behavior towards him. Danaya told him about what she just found out and didn’t want to talk to him until Aquil is ready to tell her the truth.

The gamble

Mira went to Lira’s room after the latter’s argument with her father and knew that her cousin still wasn’t okay. Lira realized one thing though, Ybrahim still hasn’t moved on like her, Mira advised to do something rather than just be upset about it. Lira remembered the onion-looking man who helped her when Ether turned her into a pashnea and thought that maybe he could also help them bring back Amihan. Mira was skeptical about it, if Evades could do something about it, he would have already done it, still Lira wanted to know if there is a possibility and decided to leave with Mira. The two went to Evades, the latter told them that his magical tree is unable to raise the dead, unless he or she will eat one of the fruits from the mother tree in Devas and be reincarnated, that was the only way and nothing else.

In Devas, Amihan saw how Ybrahim and Lira still longed for her and seeing this broke her heart, all this time she thought they will be able to forget her but she was wrong. Somehow she regretted her choice to die without even thinking about them, this made Amihan want to return to Encantadia for her family, and the only way to do that is to pick a fruit from the mother tree and eat it, something which Ades strongly disagreed and reminded her of the possible consequences, she will be reborn to a different life and she will have no recollection of her past, she will forget everything—even her loved ones, and her family won’t be able to recognize her as well. Emre said before that Amihan is now free to create her own destiny, and her desire to be with her family is much stronger than anything else, she has faith with Ybrahim and Lira’s love for her and knew that their hearts will be able to recognize her. Despite all of these, Ades still wanted Amihan to think about it and hoped that she will change her mind, Emre appeared and told Ades to let Amihan choose the path she wants to take, despite of the consequences, Amihan has made up her mind, she will take risk for her loved ones. Emre let Amihan pick a fruit and ate it.

…and the queen has risen

Ether was disappointed at how Andora and the rest were unable to defeat their enemies, Amarro admitted that the diwatas are still more powerful compared to them. Lila Sari was getting worried and asked if there is another way to speed up Avria’s return, Ether confirmed that there is, but they will be needing a blood sacrifice. They picked one from their captives and used her blood to help Avria recover faster, but it wasn’t enough, so Ether used her own blood as well. Through this they were able to raise Avria from the dead, like Amarro and Asval, Avria was no longer an ivtre, but a living, lethal encantada.

Rave/s:

💙 HA! I GUESSED IT RIGHT! This is the story they came up for Amihan’s character. If you are asking if I am disappointed, actually I am not. Probably because I have seen this one coming, and I was already expecting it. Yes I was mad as hell when I found out about the possibility of replacing Kylie in the show, Yes I am still bummed that Kylie won’t be a part of the show at least for now, I am frustrated that my ship turned into a fuckin’ submarine that’s swimming like a mermaid underwater, but guys, this is not about Kylie, it’s about AMIHAN. If you have been following me you already know by now that I have been a huge fan of Amihan since 2005 and I have grown to love her character more because of Kylie and kudos to her for portraying the character so well. But guys, honestly I would rather go for this route than not having Amihan for good. It’s bad enough that Kylie won’t be a part of the show anymore, but it will become way worse than not having Amihan around just because the actress can no longer play the character because of her current condition. I have been reading some of SD’s tweets and I get that she’s getting frustrated at people bombarding her with hate tweets thus her feisty responses to the fans. I can’t blame the fans either because I myself admit was one of the very frustrated encantadik who ranted so much about this when the news about Kylie’s pregnancy spread like wildfire, and I just had the worst feeling ever when she herself confirmed it. But during her interview I saw how happy she was, and I realized that this is not the end for Kylie, life has so much to offer and I am genuinely happy for her. I will always remember Kylie as Amihan and Iza’s successor, but at this point guys, we should also listen to the Enca team’s side—if they choose to keep Kylie that would mean risking herself and the baby. Remember they are shoot to air, they are exposed to injuries and accidents because of fight scenes, they lack sleep and rest most of the time because they have to finish the scenes on a given time frame, and it is not good for someone who is pregnant to be exposed to such harsh working environment. If anything happens to Kylie the entire team will be held responsible and will get all the hate and be blamed at the end of the day. Amihan is a major character, tell me honestly guys: would you settle for having Kylie around and turn Amihan into a minor character just to lessen Kylie’s exposure? I for one did mention before that I would settle for that, but I never said that I will be a hundred percent satisfied with that. And even if there will be some sort of an “acceptable” mi ultimo adios between YbraLiraMihan which would have been fine as well, admit it: it’s not the same without Amihan, Encantadia is not Encantadia without Amihan. SD chose to keep Amihan, let’s be happy about that, she wrote Amihan’s story the best way she can to preserve the character and I truly appreciate that. Aside from that, I honestly think that this is an interesting sub plot so please YA before you flood the Enca team’s social media with hate posts, look into the story and give it a chance—Amihan is a mother, she’ll do anything for her family, and remember her promise? She will come back and this is it, she’s taking the risk just for Ybrahim and Lira, isn’t this something admirable? Knowing the consequences she might face, she still chose to gamble for the man she loves and their daughter who has been longing for her, come on seriously! You guys gave that chance to Kylie before why can’t you do the same now? Just give this story chance, as for the new Amihan, I don’t know who she will be but I wish her the best of luck, fingers crossed that they chose the right actress.

💜 Lira is definitely one of the most relatable characters in Encantadia, and I am really enjoying how Mikee is portraying the character in such a way that everybody will sympathize with her. Lira is always known to be carefree, playful, and the one who lights up the mood in the show, but one thing that lacked is the more serious side of Lira, what is she really thinking? What does she truly feels? How does it feel to be bound to follow orders all the time and everybody treating you like a kid when you’re already a grown up, how shitty does it feel not to be “trusted” by your own family? We all have our fair share of experiences in this situation and I’m just glad that Lira’s character continues to embody the youth of this generation. And yeah, her father and daughter team up with Ruru is on point as well. As always.

Rant/s: 😪 Danaya bessy naman eh! I think it’s unfair for Danaya to treat Aquil harshly I mean come on, even you Danaya? Girl, as queen you can’t just make judgement based on what you heard from someone—this is what’s lacking with Danaya’s character, giving the benefit of the doubt is not her forte, she should have listened to Aquil’s side and then make judgement.

Best performer/s for this episode: Mikee Quintos ⚡

Rating: 9 out of 10💎s

Photo credits: From Twitter: @GMAEncantadia (Encantadia 2016-2017 official twitter acct) @gmanetwork (GMA network); official website: gmanetwork.com @GMADrama (GMA Drama)

From Facebook: Encantadia 2016

Video credits: GMA Network via YouTube & dailymotion