#let alone be around me
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*Bernie Sanders voice* I am once again lamenting that I will never be loved
#*merely SEES a fic where Crowley and Aziraphale renovate a cottage together#like god fucking dammit#no one will ever love me enough to live with me#let alone be around me#let alone talk to me#let alone see me as anything but a loser and a burden#I want to commit die
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Things that cannot defeat the TARDIS...
Being jettisoned into the Z-Neutrino energy core of the Dalek Crucible.
Being turned into a self cannibalising paradox machine by The Master.
Being shunted into a human body while it's own body gets possessed by a sentient TARDIS devouring asteroid.
Things that can defeat the TARDIS...
One cup of coffee with a splash of cold milk.
#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#LET ME BE VERY CLEAR#I make this post with love and glee#i think its hilarious that donna and the doc couldn't even just teleport across town to see wilf together#because just as they jokingly predicted those idiots couldn't be alone in the tardis together without SOMETHING stupid happening#they just foolishly thought they had to go on a trip to make that happen instead of just poking around the new centre console#and the fact that they managed this chaos by Donna doing precisely the thing she had recently been fired for?#icing of the cake#can't wait for the next episode
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The Shadowsinger & The Inkbird: Chapter Fifteen
Azriel x Day Court Librarian Reader
Summary: Y/n's clairvoyance is a gift from the Mother, but it feels more like a curse. With the power to gain knowledge through touch alone, Y/n holes herself up in The Alcove and hopes her powers and parentage will remain a secret. But things will change after the Summer Solstice ball and a chance encounter with a certain Shadowsinger.
Warnings: ANGST... that's about the only major warning I can think of
The Shadowsinger & The Inkbird: Masterlist
Masterlist of Masterlists
Jurian and Vassa took the attic and became scarce, but when night and day slid into one another you still heard her painful screams, muffled as they were by the magic that encased their room. It was a feeling more than anything else. A tension that gripped the House until it seemed to be sobbing. At sunrise and sunset without fail, Vassa’s body broke and rearranged itself, flesh turning to feathers and feathers to flesh. Before it had been a painless process where her body came and went in its various forms, but no longer. Now she felt everything alongside an itch deep within her bones that couldn’t be satiated by food or drink or anything else.
Go to the lake! Her body screamed. Go to Koschei! And then punished her when she didn’t comply. Like a beast had sunk its claws into her flesh, its waiting mouth only inches away from snapping. To stay away was a slow, agonizing march to death. To move close would be swift, but final, and somehow Vassa knew that if she gave into Koschei’s call, she would be lost forever.
You lingered at the base of the attic's staircase, your bare feet sinking into the soft rug until the sounds of cracking bones finally ceased. Three pairs of feet shuffled above your head and you heard Jurian’s faint whispers like a gentle push of air. When the door opened and Lucien emerged, you saw Vassa crumpled on the floor, now a bone-thin woman with dull, coppery hair and skin ravaged by scratches and pockmarks.
“Shhhh. It’s ok.” Jurian whispered, encasing her in his arms.
“I can’t,” her voice trembled. “It hurts. I-I-I’m burning.”
“Y/n?” Lucien frowned. The door slammed shut with a bang and you jumped backwards. You clutched a velvet pouch close to your chest and then slowly held it out to Lucien.
“It’s for Vassa,” you explained, trying to keep your eyes on his mismatched ones — one russet as river stones, one gold like the sun. He opened the bag and stared in confusion at the fine, white powder within, giving it a tentative sniff. “Morphine. Humans use it for pain.”
“I know of it.” Lucien’s frown deepened. “They get addicted. Take too much and they die.”
“She’s already addicted. That’s what’s happening isn’t it? Koschei’s drawing his power away to get her to return to the lake and every day that passes she’s dying.” Lucien tightened his fists around the bag, still skeptical. Vassa had endured enough. He didn’t want to have her endure this either. “The bag is enchanted and will never allow her to draw too much. Just enough to calm her hunger. If we’re lucky it might help her sleep too.”
Lucien stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists from around the gold drawstring, waiting for Vassa’s cries to cease. But they never did. And there you were standing in front of him, unwavering and expectant. There was a glimmer of stubbornness in your gaze. A sign of the hours you’d spent researching Vassa’s condition and acquiring the strange human drug, and your disapproval if Lucien didn’t accept it.
“Thank you, Y/n,” he whispered, “But please go. Vassa hates for anyone to see her like this. Even Jurian and I.”
You swallowed thickly and nodded, disappearing down the stairs as quickly as you could. The next morning when the sun rose over the mountains and Vassa changed, you heard only the House’s usual breathings.
The House buckled under the weight of the Inner Circle’s secrets and the sheer volume of history that had occurred within its walls and between its occupants. It utilized its magic in clever ways — your door opened with a creak that wasn’t there before so that Azriel would always hear your comings and goings. Lucien would suddenly find his door locked and the curtains drawn on the days when Helion made surprise visits to see Y/n. Nyx would find himself ushered around by a broomstick that swatted his ankles when the adults were discussing private matters. It was all a great deal of work.
So it was a relief when Rhys and Feyre quietly moved their children to the House of Wind with Nesta and Cassian, and when Mor and Emerie took the final steps in emptying their rooms and went to hide out in their city apartment. It was even more of a relief when Helion returned to the Day Court, but not before throwing a heavy threat in Azriel’s face that if he should ever hurt his daughter again in any way, shape, or form, he’d strip the wings off his back.
Meals at the House were tense, quiet affairs, something not even Feyre, Elain, and Nesta’s sisterly conversations or Cassian’s light-hearted humor could ease. Elain stayed close to Lucien’s side, one hand always on his arm or resting against his back or brushing against his, but that didn’t erase what the Blood Duel had done to his trust in Elain. He was kind, but guarded, especially when Azriel was in the room. But it was more than she could ask for because it was more than she’d ever given him in the beginning.
You and Azriel were worse off.
You were speaking once more, but your words were always laced with a bit of apprehension and Azriel’s were always filled with sorrowful hope. Conversations were dull, short, and didn’t even begin to brush the surface of all the things you should have been talking about. You were terrified not of the Shadowsinger, but of his opinion of you. Did he want you so he could fix you? So that he could feel needed? So that you could be another one in a list of females he burned through?
It never truly seemed like that was the case, but you also didn’t trust yourself when it came to your emotions. You had told him once that you couldn’t imagine having a love like Feyre and Rhysand’s, or Nesta and Cassian’s, and you still meant it. You were a matchstick and he was flint, and you didn’t know what would happen to you after he had lit you aflame. For all you knew, you were already burning and this wonderful thing you’d had with Azriel would live and die with nothing more than the memory of an embrace in Rhysand’s office to show for it.
But oh how you ached to touch him again. To hold him like you had before and to have him return the gesture just as strongly.
You stiffened when Azriel’s hand brushed your arm, warmth bursting out from the point of contact.
“I’m sorry.” Azriel whispered, and he was talking about more than the wine he spilled when he reached over the table.
You spared him a glance, the first real look you’d given him in two weeks. The flagon slipped from his hands, and if it weren’t for his shadows catching it an inch above the floor, the room would have been doused in burgundy red.
“Does Lucien know?”
Rhysand looked up from his papers. Missives from the Darkbringer army and Illyrian troops up north clogged his desk, all begrudgingly accepting his orders to prepare for what could amount to another lengthy war. Letters thrown back and forth between the seven courts added to the chaos, all of them war-weary and desperate for a path that wouldn’t lead to bloodshed.
You took up the center of his room and stood so quietly he hadn’t even noticed you until you spoke. It had been eating away at you for days since Lucien’s arrival. Every time you two saw one another or spoke, you tried to scrounge for clues that would reveal whether he knew he was Helion’s son and whether he might suspect you were Helion’s daughter as well. The other members of the Inner Circle had been tight-lipped about that secret, a skill you now knew they all possessed with alarming dexterity.
“Does Lucien know he’s Helion’s son?”
Rhysand slumped back in his chair, rubbing his temples with one careful hand. Finally he said, “Yes.”
The answer knocked the breath from your lungs. You’d been expecting the opposite. “Does he… does he know about me?”
Rhys sighed and shook his head. You didn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved.
“How long has he known?”
“Six years. Feyre was the one to tell him. She was actually the first of us to recognize the similarity, believe it or not. But then, no one ever dared to give weight to the rumors surrounding Helion and Aurelia Vanserra while Beron was alive.”
You rocked back and forth on your feet, breath shaking as it entered your body. “Six years. Six years and you never thought to tell Helion that he has a son? I thought you two were friends?”
Rhysand tensed. “I’m Lucien’s friend as well and he begged us to never speak of it - to live as though we’d never learned that secret. And I keep my secrets. We all do.”
“You and your family have made that very clear in the time that I’ve been here.”
“If you mean Azriel—”
“Don’t play dumb, Rhys, you know I’m talking about him.” Tears pricked at your eyes, adding to the humiliation that had coated you like a film ever since you’d seen his memories about Mor, Elain, and Gwyn. “I don’t—” You swallowed thickly, “I can imagine how you must have all been whispering behind my back about Azriel and I. How you must have found it so pathetic the way he charmed me when I was really his fourth choice.”
“That’s not true.” Was what Rhysand was going to say. But he didn’t need to. Azriel said it for him.
Your face lost all color, any bravado melting away at the feeling of Azriel’s shadows wrapping around your ankles like ribbons of silk. You could feel him in the room and that quiet darkness he carried around with him as inherently as if it were stitched onto his body.
Azriel was shaking. Shaking. With anger, turmoil, or grief — you couldn’t name it. All you knew is that one moment you were standing in Rhysand’s office, all velvet upholstery and suave, expensive taste, and the next you were in Azriel’s room.
Everything smelled like mountain air. Maybe it was the gothic windows that stretched into the vaulted ceilings, stained glass opening out onto a personal balcony with deep blue curtains fluttering in the breeze. But you were sure that even with the windows barred it would smell the same. It would smell like Azriel. If you threw open his wardrobe you’d come face to face with a wall of black. Lots and lots of black. Black suits he hardly ever wore. Black fighting leathers. Black leather jackets for everyday. Black trousers. Black boots on the floor. Very practical. Very Azriel.
If you dug through his dresser drawers you’d find black boxers and socks to match and no shortage of knives and daggers hidden behind wooden planks or in leather sleeves nailed to the bottom of his desk. But at first glance you only saw three weapons in plain view — Truth Teller, blade down and stuck in the wood grain of his desk beside a pile of reports, and two obsidian blades hanging from the wall beside his midnight blue bed in the shape of an “x.”
The smell — Azriel’s smell — calmed you, at least up to the point where you turned to find him standing less than six inches away, hazel eyes boring into yours. Then your pulse skyrocketed. You were certain that if he only looked down to your heart he’d see it pounding against your chest like a drum skin ready to burst.
“That’s not true,” he repeated earnestly. “And don’t you dare believe it. Not even for a second.”
His eyes jumped back and forth between yours and before he could stop himself, his hands were grasping yours in a gentle hold. The leather gloves were soft and supple beneath your fingertips. You wanted to rip them off so you could feel his scarred hands again.
“You weren’t meant to hear that,” you whispered, suddenly feeling small. That angry humiliation went up in a puff of smoke and left you shy and uncertain.
Azriel gripped your hands a little tighter and you watched as tendrils of shadow worked their way up your arms and got lost in your hair. “But I did,” he said breathlessly, “And I need you to know that it’s not true.”
“Azriel—”
“I know—” he was shaking his head, “I know what Helion said and I won’t lie and tell you that I’m perfect or that I’ve made any smart decisions about love in the past — I’ve not make a single one — but… but Y/n you’re not a fourth choice. You’re not something broken that I’m trying to fix or some fantasy I’ve fallen for.”
His hands shook and despite the gloves his hands still felt sticky and wet. Slick with your blood. The burning scent of iron in his nose.
“You’re the most real thing in the world to me. You’re—” You’re my mate. The words crawled up his throat like acid and it just felt wrong. He would say those words to you. He would. But not now. Not like this. He came up with something else. “Y/n, please tell me you believe me. Please.”
And there you were. Falling all over again. Burning like a matchstick on fire. The flames slowly eating away at you bit by bit. You wondered what would happen when you finally hit the ground, or when you ran out of length. Would he still hold you like this? Would you still feel real to him?
“How am I meant to know, Azriel?”
You’d always been good at books. You knew the ways in which these stories worked where the themes and plot points had been preordained and written with the purpose of being tied up in a neat package by the final page. People were very different. They were unpredictable and chaotic and they could lie through the skin of their teeth and believe they were telling the truth. And that was the problem wasn’t it? Because you still believed every word that came out of Azriel’s mouth, and his hands still felt like they were keeping you tethered to this earth when sometimes your powers and the memories that came with them made you feel like a whisper on the wind. Weightless and at the mercy of something you couldn’t control.
“You can trust me. You can know for yourself.”
He pressed your hand against his cheek and you wanted to cry at the faint pricks of stubble beneath your skin and the sharp curve of his jaw.
He wanted you to use your power on him. He wanted you to learn all the ways he wanted you. All the ways he loved you.
But you couldn’t do it.
Azriel panicked when you remained silent, staring at him and at his hands like you were frightened. All at once he was back on the streets of Velaris, cobblestones shaving away at the skin of his palms as he dragged his way up to you inch by bloody inch, fighting against a body that was too broken to move.
He couldn’t remember what it felt like when he’d stabbed you through the chest and dropped you on the street. Everything between the moment he saw Andrian’s clear-cut eyes to the moment he saw Rhysand’s horrified gaze was fuzzy and dark. But that made it worse because now in his nightmares he could imagine all the ways he’d hurt you, each version teeming with the same level of horror and possibility as the previous one.
He let you go and hated himself when you stepped back, your hand slipping away.
“I won’t… I won’t hurt you again, Y/n. I swear on my life. I’ll-I’ll make a bargain, I don’t care. I would sooner die than let something like that happen again.”
I don’t know what I’d do with that kind of love. If I’d be able to handle it. It might be too much for me.
“Y/n, please.”
I am not broken. But I am afraid.
You fled from his bedroom.
The air had a bite to it now with winter descending. The snow line on the mountains dipped lower and lower each day, creeping like ivy down a brick wall.
Elain never wore gloves. Not when she was gardening. It was something she and Ione had in common. She liked the feeling of her strong hands, the callouses on her palms and fingers that she’d earned all on her own. She grunted, slamming her shovel into the soil and feeling the microscopic chips of ice give way when she kicked down on the blade. It was too late in the season to be planting tulip bulbs. If she’d been in Velaris she would have done this four weeks ago. But it was alright with her. She knew the value of hard work, and she had enough hope for the future to believe that even though she was late, she’d have something beautiful to call hers come springtime.
“It’s time for that conversation I was telling you about,” she said cryptically, as was her way.
Lucien dropped the final basket beside where Elain now knelt in the dirt, her pale pink dress dirtied and littered with her own handprints. The brown bulbs rolled around like oversized chestnuts, the kind that he’d be roasting over a fire right now if he were still in Autumn Court. Instead he was here, lingering in a Court that had never felt like home. Then again… he’d never felt at home in Autumn, Spring, or the Human Lands either.
He straightened up and wiped his hands clean on his trousers, golden and russet eyes trailing over the River House’s grounds for this mysterious person he was meant to speak to.
There.
The faint swishing of black robes behind a dark green topiary tree. He should have known Elain had been talking about you.
You cracked your knuckles and rehearsed the words you’d scribbled out earlier that day and then set to fire in a maddening loop. You’d been restless with the truth of Lucien’s parentage and you couldn’t believe that the others had held their tongues so readily. As it was, without Azriel’s company to help quiet your mind, you’d dug into this new piece of information like a starving animal and couldn’t let go.
Was this a good time to tell him? Would there ever be a good time to tell him? You had no idea.
Somewhere in the attic, you knew Vassa was itching to take to the skies like the burning comet she was. Every night she shivered in Jurian’s arms, the morphine barely able to take the edge off the humming in her bones, and every morning she let him lock her away in her cage. It was getting worse and worse trying to keep her from succumbing to Koschei’s influence. Even now you thought you could hear her keen cries whistling from the attic like ten thousand arrows launched into the air.
Somewhere else, in a secret, hidden place you knew nothing about, Andrian had finally been imprisoned. Andrian with his bent neck and silver, candy-floss hair and bloody little hands.
You shivered and jumped back five feet when Lucien called your name, kind eyes narrowed in concern. His shirt was loose and open and the sweat on his body rose like mist off his skin. He was his mother’s son first, Helion’s child second, and fire still ran through his veins. The chill did not touch him.
He tipped his head to the side, red hair spilling out from the messy way he’d tied it up and away from his face. A brutal scar ran through his eye like a fissure, starting at the center of his brow before clawing its way down his jaw like a lightning strike frozen in time. But for all the cruelty he’d been dealt with in life, his eyes were gentle, even the mechanical one that whirred and flashed in the sun.
They were even kinder when he looked at you. You with your inquisitive gaze and curious nature, like a stray cat that couldn’t help but linger too long at doorways. One foot inside, one foot ready to run and hide. He’d caught you watching him at dinners, and he’d catch himself staring when you walked around the house with a book in your hand, so utterly absorbed that you would bump against doorways and bang your hips against sharp corners.
“Elain told me about you. Did you know that?”
You blinked in surprise. “What did she say?”
“Elain… Elain doesn’t always speak clearly. Much of what comes out of her mouth can feel eerie or discomforting. But, she told me before we left for the Night Court that I would be happy I came. That I would never regret the things I learned on my trip.” He tilted his head even further, looking more and more like a fox with each turn of his face. “And she mentioned a bird. A bird with ink-tipped wings and eyes like a crow.”
You flexed your fingers, well aware that the tips were smudged with ink, the nails bitten down to the quick.
“Someone clever and cautious who’d been hidden away their whole life and needed to see the sun.”
You felt stripped bare. That strange vulnerability that comes with being summed up in so few words had you feeling airy. Like one sentence could be enough to carry the weight of the three centuries you’d lived and never buckle.
“I know you’re Helion’s son. I recognized it the moment I saw you.”
Lucien stepped back, scarlet brows shooting up into his hair with alarm.
You hesitated, then continued on cautiously. “I recognized it because I would know my father’s face anywhere.”
<- Previous Chapter Next Chapter ->
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Author's Note:
I KNOW IT'S A CLIFFHANGER ENDING BUT I NEEDED TO BREAK EVERYTHING INTO CHAPTERS SOMEWHERE AND I'M GOING TO TRY AND GET CHAPTER 16 UP BY WEDNESDAY SO I DON'T LEAVE Y'ALL HANGING FOR TOO LONG. HAVE MERCY!!!
The good news is that Chapter 16 is already mostly written, I just need to edit it all to make sure things flow smoothly. Also, LUCIEN KNOWS NOW AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sorry for the Azriel angst... but it's delicious, no?
#the shadowsinger and the inkbird#azriel x reader#azriel x reader slowburn#azriel x reader angst#azriel x you#azriel x y/n#I know the fandom has a toxic shipping culture around Elain/Lucien/Azriel in particular#leave me alone all right#I am going to write the couplings as makes sense because this is a READER X AZRIEL FIC#but also i don't stand for a lot of the Elain slander#smells of sexism to me sorry not sorry just let the girl be#obviously she's not perfect but she doesn't deserve the absurd amount of hate she gets#thanks for coming to my ted talk
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saying this as respectfully as possible but. Do not put fandom content creators on a pedestal. We are also just fans contributing to a community just as you are. We have boundary on our own work and that’s it. What I say is not and should not be considered sth the whole fandom should listen to. I’m just a normal ass person ranting about things on my blog. If it does not have a fandom tag for others to engage in, do not make it out to be me trying to start fights or addressing the whole community. Because it’s not.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, my art, my lore talk, is biased. I’ve never tried to hide that I view Marika a certain way and will always develop my theory following that base assumption.
Aside from translation stuffs and pointing out in-game items, everything else I say you can look at it, agree or disagree, and move on to form your own opinions. Just because I draw stuffs doesn’t mean you get to saddle me with responsibilities about managing fandom expectations. What the hell? I’m a fan artist, I’m the last person who you should look at for “leaderism” (?) WHAT?
I can and will be a hater in my own space, like I know sometimes other artists will just post their stuffs and not engage too heavily with fandom, and for a while I did try to do that here (because I’m already a dramatic ass on twitter), that’s just not me though.
You will get art and you will get my opinions as well.
#asking ppl to [celebrate different takes] is... WHAT?#different takes as in well I think she likes apples and you think she likes grapes. yeah that’s some fun discussion to be have#but different takes as in the fundamental of a character’s drive and personality??? NO#let’s put that down very clear here#I can still read fics where Marika is cold and calculate and manipulative as long as I can see there’re layers to it and the author#set it up in a way that I can see they got her backstory and build those layers based on that#and then there are ppl who literally only portray her as omg evil girlboss 101 let’s blame everything on this cardboard character#then I click back.#and there r ppl who might not vibe with how i portray her and they can ignore me. THAT'S OK TOO. we r in our own space.#it’s as simple as that!#ever since the dlc is out i literally could see the amount of ppl blocking me go up and im just “ok” because i do go around muting ppl too.#that's normal fandom space managing experience. pls do that#lore discussion is for ppl to engage in so u say ur piece i say mine and we can continue or not depending on situation#but FANWORK? leave each other alone or be a hater in ur own space ok?#personal#also where are these ppl who have been defending Marika at... because if u exclude me#and some others i can count on one hand. where are these ppl?#ppl saying headass stuffs about the HS aren't even Marika fans or engage too much in fandom to begin with#meanwhile u can't even find one youtube lore essay that says anything good about her#ppl are even trying to give Messmer's mother position to GEQ for no goddamn reason#like where is this overwhelming support for Marika at cuz as the active Marika stan around im not seeing it
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Time will change you, We all outgrow our roots.
SURPRISE I've been thinking about Rip again, jk that's not surprising. anyways text is Rips inner thoughts from Time Masters #8. sort of.
#rip hunter#my art.png#anyways reminder daffodils represent rebirth and new beginnings which i feel like rip also represents within the meta.#but also i could go on a rant about how rip did the whole ''learn the past cant be changed without gravely hurting everything around-#-you can only move forward even when looking back and grow with the changes'' before booster did. and he did it alone (his own fault)#rips battles with mental health and violent self destruction and realizing that he isn't always right r important to me. SIGH.#also let me go ahead and post this at 2am my bad#idk if i like this but i havent finished art like this in months so we move on.
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still thinking about those promo pics where they locked the tops and bottoms in separate rooms
#tops: at the club (in the backroom making shady deals)#bottoms: having snacks in the bright marble atrium#'the vibes were toxic at the club' you said.#'aster sold me to tidal wave of summer (-1)' you said.#that room of tops is seriously terrifying i can't imagine them all stuck together in a tiny space GETTING ALONG#let them mingle with the others!! *opens the hatch on the cage of tops so they can roam free*#honestly wouldn't they all be happier in the free range airy enclosure??#more space means fewer territorial disputes :} dante and kuya might not overlap and thus they may fight less :}}}#because of course my first thought was YAKUMO HOW ARE YOU ALIVE AND SMILING IN THIS ROOM? BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP#all your friends/emotional support entities are in the other room#you should be serving garu another platter of sandwiches. what are you doing in the backroom with mafia boss dante#then i pointed at blade saying YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE EITHER. well. i mean. u kinda .can if you want. u can adapt pretty easily#well ok maybe i shouldn't be typecasting any of you. you can hang out in whichever room you want#but... are you only hanging out in the club because you're dressed in black?#and wearing black in that glass (i assume) room with the bottoms will be too warm?#that's ok!! you can take off your jackets? or change? or run around shirtless! who's gonna care!! eiden's certainly not gonna care#wait. where's eiden#is he somewhere else ? all alone? wearing a half black half white suit split down the middle? like a confused penguin?#LET! THEM! MINGLE!!! *opens the hatch on eiden's lonely enclosure as well*#nu carnival#the clan's all here! (almost)
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“haha odo is so beige and bland and boring despite being a literal shapeshifter” like ok yes I laugh at those jokes too and find them funny I literally have no issue with them but sometimes I also wanna talk about how that’s kind of the whole point of his character.
like odo’s abilities and way of being is so unlike any other known species in the alpha quadrant that it’s shown to be disturbing and off-putting to a lot of people — or at the very least that’s what he was led to believe. like we see this in the alternate where mora tries to convince him he’ll either be locked up in a prison or put in a zoo to gawk at if he’s perceived to have committed any sort of crime or transgression.
so despite being able to literally become anything he can think of, he chooses his default presentation to be as standard, bland and uninteresting as he possibly can. male, always in a beige uniform, very standard hair cut.
odo is so plain because he was made to be afraid of being literally anything else
#also obligatory “trans odo” ramble but yeah as a trans person this all really hits me#I didn’t really fully accept I was trans let alone come out until after high school and I feel like while everyone around me was#experimenting w style and fashion or whatever I just put on the most bland shit possible bc the thought of my appearance actually being able#to reflect the way I as a person feel always felt so foreign to me#anyways I love odo sm#odo#ds9#deep space nine#star trek#shut up abe
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If I think about the double standard and the disparity with which the media handled Daniel in comparison to everyone else I may lose my mind.
#i genuinely feel like im in bizarro world. karun chandok the fucking donkey being like:#“you have to feel for checo . he was doing so well in sq1 :( ”#in comparison to the way they viciously circled around daniel for medicore performances let alone bad ones#similar with Naomi just now. i cant believe im gonna defend Perez in the same breath but for her to say;#“Lawson has done everything to deserve checos seat. he has ticked all the boxes” ????? bitch what boxea are you talking about?#she literally said the only thing he needs to work on is his “temperament” would love to know what shes on lol#DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON LAZENBY HES SUCH A DUMB FUCKING RATTTTTTT#the way hes like “why is Lawson getting so much heat for complaining about sergio? Yuki has been doing it for years!”#well yuki has been in the 'Junior team' for 4 years now#what the everloving fuck is going on in the sport#obviously we all know how the media shapes the narrative but its genuinely still so jarring to see the standard they held daniel to#and the callousness with which they treated him
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"homura is an evil abuser who wants to control madoka and hates their friends" tired trope, canonically untrue, congrats on falling for the facade put up by a middle schooler.
"homura sees herself as inherently evil and abusive due to her upbringing, past actions, and status as a witch, which is still ongoing even at the end of rebellion" fresh, new, actually closer to canon, doesn't demonize a child for being mentally ill.
#pmmm#madoka magica#do you understand. do you see my vision#it is VERY VERY COMMON for people (esp kids) to see themselves as edgy and evil when they're 'normal' over minor things#eg kids who listen to metal and think they Cannot Be Understood.....#let alone literal child who has spent almost 1/2 her life in a time loop watching her friends die a dozen times#even nowadays due to Trauma Stuff and mental illness i deal w being like#'wow im an awful evil person for [minor offense] [intrusive thought] etc'#im not even a 14yo raised orphan catholic who lived over a decade in a loop failing to save my friends#and!! EVERYONE ignores that homucifer IS A WITCH.#witches canonically CANNOT CONTROL THEIR ACTIONS (oktavia attacking her friends etc etc etc)#even if she's 'not entirely a witch' or one w more control she's still canonically influenced by her despair and misery at the end of it#see: her familiars running around her soul gem 'whispering' to her etc#'homura is an evil abuser w no good qualities' posts (esp in 2024??) drive me up the wall ffs#sambling#top hits
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I think I will forever be fucked up over the treatment of the wolf brothers in Sweet Tooth s3. They were kids.
#🌟 Ten Talks#I just got around to watching it#and let me just say#I will never stop thinking about them#they were treated like actual hunting dogs by their own family#since just after they were born#I don’t care how much Rosie loved them you do not do that to a child#let alone your own four sons#sweet tooth#sweet tooth netflix#sweet tooth season 3
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Stolitz, and their fear of rejection and sense of worthlessness turning into a self-fulfilled prophecy.
Blitz—
Does anybody love you, Blitzo? / No.
Eventually everyone goes...
Stolas only cares about having a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his mattress. It's nothing... You know. It's nothing else.
I'm going to die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste.
Royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us. They're all the fucking same.
Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you. You make that really clear all the time.
But you don't want to do things alone, Blitzo.
I mean, Stolas is just a loud, thirsty bitch who loves feeling the thrill of being dicked by the lower class. It's a novelty to him.
And then he'll call me and try to see how my day was, and he'll pretend to care about me, and comment on my photos, and laugh at my jokes... /Oh well that's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit / I know, right?!
It's all my fault. I'd hate me too. I mean, I do hate—
You're going to die alone. You're gonna die alone, Blitzo.
[My worst fear has come true. He couldn't possibly want me. This has to be a joke. He's selfish and an asshole, just like the rest of them. He's trying to get rid of me; that's the only explanation. I'm just a broken toy he's finally gotten bored of, just like I knew would happen. He won't even fight for me, and why would he? I could never be good enough for him. It's happening again. I'm being abandoned by someone I care about. I really am going to die alone.]
Stolas—
Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner, what kind of monster does that make me?
I mite b bsuy / I wouldn't want to bother you!
You see... I seem to have found myself with, um. Feelings for him. And I'm not sure if it's a mutual thing.
Dearest, I know better now, I must give you this choice.
I'll save us both before we grow cold.
What's between you and I? Just a comfortable lie.
I'm sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy...
He deserves the choice to stay or go.
So I'll grant you this mercy, this bind on our souls needs to end...
Next time you come over, maybe we can talk about what happened at Ozzie's? / Y? / I'm sorry! Nevermind, it's not a big deal.
What's left for me and my broken heart if I cannot have you? Unless it's me, and no matter what in this world I could give, it's not enough to get through the walls you've conjured up to live...
I'll believe him, and not the voice that says I'm not enough.
I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad!
[My worst fear has come true. I truly am not worthy of being loved. He's rejecting me— no, mocking me for even thinking he could ever want to be with me if he didn't need my book. I've been taking advantage of him all this time, all the while believing we had something real and being naive enough to think he could love me back. I am a monster. And now that he can, he has chosen to leave me. So now the least I can do is quietly let him—the only person I have ever wanted and felt alive with—go. I really am going to die alone.]
#helluva boss#helluva boss spoilers#helluva boss the full moon#stolitz#blitz helluva boss#helluva boss blitz#stolas helluva boss#helluva boss stolas#helluva boss full moon#helluva boss meta#More or less?#image description in alt#I am sorry for inflicting pain but I simply cannot suffer alone#They both think they're being rejected when truly they're both desperate to be enough for the other#But as soon as they give the other a chance to say 'I want you too'#(Stolas with his heartfelt confession; Blitz with his 'hold on Stolas' and his 'LET'S GO!')#The other immediately goes 'oh so I was right. He really actually does not want me around. Just like I feared#And acts accordingly. Which just cements the other's belief that what's happening is just a very cruel and mocking rejection#HE'S NOT REJECTING YOU HE'S REACHING OUT SAYING 'WILL YOU LOVE ME ENOUGH TO TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL' YOU IDIOT#<- me at BOTH of them#Their trauma is so well written I am in awe always and forever. Every step of the way. Their brokenness heals me.#It's going to be so cathartic when they grow to understand one another's perspective
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I don't care how many times the rich & famous talk about how being rich & famous is the worst fate humanly possible I will never ever ever believe them for one milisecond lol
#I love mitski but oh my god ''shittiest exclusive club in the world''...you know the other time ive heard that phrase used?#families and friends of people who killed themselves. we often say welcome to the worst club in the world to new ppl on forums#but yeah im sure the heaps of money and thriving career doing what you love isnt worth it bc sometimes fans are creeps. uh huh#yes this is an extention of my chappell rant no i dont want to talk abt it anymore it just makes me too furious lol#every celebrity rallying around her to throw themselves a pity party godddd i cant deal w/it lol#as I said before i would voluntarily put myself through every saw trap in existence to have what you people have#do you really not know how bad the average persons life is. let alone the least privileged 10% ...#and dont send me asks moralizing about this again i really & truly will not change my mind. these people are fucking ridiculous
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shows up to good game 7 years late with *remembers i’ve never been to a starbucks* um . some instant coffee i made at home i guess
#good game#alex taylor#ryland tate#<- is that even his full name. i don’t remember if it was ever like.. mentioned#game grumps#<- kinda#rylex#fanart#i have so much trouble drawing arin. let alone trying to draw him slightly to the left#idk why he’s so hard#this was also me just fuckin around with brushes#but yea . finally used my 30 day free trial to watch this#idk why it took me so long its such a good show its so funny. procrastinator extreme
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decided there wasn't enough RK charms in the world (none), so im making one and putting it out there later for anyone who might want one too!
heres the concept.
#look okay. im insane. there is like no LN charms in general around#LET ALONE RK ONES. OR ONES WITH NOMES#I GOTCHU HOMIES. I WANT ONE TOO.#so here it is! gonna make something evil and angsty for the back prommy#tell me if you want to be tagged for any updates because im literally just going to get my shop re-set up and then open preorders#for 2 weeks and then its gone.#no one wants it? cool. more for me. someone wants it? cool we both have charms <333#little nightmares#little nightmares 2#rk ln#ln rk#runaway kid little nightmares#little nightmares runaway kid#little nightmares merch#little nightmares fanart#the secrets of the maw
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💥 Of mice and mischief! 💥
(ID: More Kirby series fanart of Shadow Kirby interacting with Squeakers, with a guest cameo by Dark Meta Knight. Top left - SK clad in the Bomb hat and his Kirby Fighters black-and-purple coloration, dashing by alongside a green Squeaker, both of them carrying lit bombs and laughing with eager mischief. Top right - SK being hurriedly carried off by a group of excited Squeakers, his eyes wide in surprise and little arms thrown back from the speed. Bottom - DMK standing stiffly as a gaggle of curious Squeakers huddles around and even climbs onto him, his fists clenched and his wings slightly curled, his mask tilted down and and hiding his eyes in the shadow of the visor, red lines of irritation zigzagging off of him. To our left, a word bubble sporting Daroach’s top hat reads, “Aww, they like ya! Ain’t that precious? Quick, Spinni, get the camera!” END ID.)
Part 1 | Part 2 (you’re here!) | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Compilation
Sketch started btw 12/23 - 05/24, render started 05/21/24, finished 05/23/24, updated for color correction 11/02/24.
#veins art#veins fanart#kirby series#kirby#shadow kirby#squeakers#dark meta knight#daroach#<- (technically)#the squeaks#friendship#off to cause property damage!#SK 🤝 100+ Squeakers -> gained a cool new crime-leaning uncle-figure#I like to imagine they were nervous around DMK at first until they saw how comfortable Daroach was around him#now he can't get them to leave him alone#Dark be like “what cruel god keeps forcing me to deal with *children*?”#resisting every urge in his edgelord body to shake them off like a dog in the rain#Daroach 🤝 DMK -> letting babies use weapons#(to be fair I do think the bomb-wielding Squeakers are actually old enough to use them properly)#(and both SK and Kirby are competent/powerful enough to use Copy Abilities without much issue)#(I just think the visual is funny)#veinsfullofstars
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I say this a *lot* I know BUT only because it’s true — squats are worth it for your curves 🤭
Off this weekend so I’m going to squeeze in more than normal 💪😋
#wrap my legs around you and never let go#feeling cute#bored#in bed alone#nice as fuck#touch me#touch my body#feetfinder#feetpose#feetpics#fishnets
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