#len is a character that is easy to get annoyed with

[lemotmo]

Now that's been a few days and I've had a chance to talk to literally anybody that would listen, the thing that bugs me about Bobby's death is that it requires an intense amount of denial and extreme belief in TV magic. Hen had an open wound and she was in the same room as Chimney - if Bobby contracted the virus through a hole in his breathing apparatus, then Hen definitely should have. That's what annoys me about Bobby's death. I have to ignore the logistics to make Bobby's death make sense. And that should never happen when it's a main character's death.

Now as much as Bobby is a literal Schrodinger's Cat right now, he's alive. We just don't have confirmation. Schrodinger's Bobby is very much alive - I don't know in what capacity, but he's survived this. I'm ignoring all the articles and posts and purely looking at it through the lens of the episode. They made Bobby's death too vague. They showed an overhead shot of him and then them rolling out a body bag - they didn't do the traditional shot of zipping the body bag over Bobby's body, they just showed the bag. That amount of vagueness means that Bobby is alive. Now when will they reveal that? Hopefully before the season finale. But he's alive.

I had the chance to rewatch the episode and I caught something - The CEO called 911 for Moira Blake. What for? We're never told because Athena and Buck's goal of obtaining the antiviral before the military does steamrolls that. But if I had to make an educated guess on why the CEO called 911, it was because of what Moira said before it cut to black - she mentioned in her pitch that her antiviral could was tested on an superstrain of CCHF, and when the CEO mentioned that no one had a superstrain of CCHF, she said, they will. She has no reason to believe that anyone in the lab contracted the virus, at least not to the extent of a deadly outbreak. And obtaining CCHF without access to a lab can not be easy, especially since BSL-4 labs aren't that common - there are only 13 in the states and on top of that, not every one will deal with CCHF. (The one that Moira worked at is fictional) So, either Moira believed that she could regain access to a lab facility again, or that the current lab would let her back or she stole the virus as well as the antiviral. But either way, if this set off alarm bells in the CEO's head, it definitely did in the FBI and military's. This strain of CCHF, while not pandemic material, is deadly and can cause severe outbreaks. It makes sense that the government would want to get ahead on finding a treatment for this superstrain of the virus. And then I saw this post you reblogged (https://www.tumblr.com/lemotmo/781480150349037568) and it further confirms my theory. They're worried about this strain of CCHF being turned into a biological weapon and of course, they're going to test treatments on the one person who hasn't been treated and still has the strain of the virus.

Have a Great Day!!!

Oh wow! You have been cooking! 🤗 Thank you for sharing your spec with me!

Yeah, nothing about that two parter episode made any sense. That includes Bobby's death. It took him hours to show any symptoms, while Chimney had them straight away.

I'm really curious where all of this is leading us. I'm quite convinced that Bobby is still alive, but there are so many theories out there and all of them are plausible in some ways.

It'll be a looooooong two weeks. 🙄

I cannot wait for that episode!

[crystallization-of-our-dreams]

Traitor Ult Theory

Okay! I just caught up with episodes 90 and 91, and yes he's only been in one episode and episode 92's trailer so far but listen, if Ult isn't a traitor already he's definitely having a traitor arc 100%. You cannot tell me otherwise.

This scene of him in the intro is already foreshadowing imo, it's definitely hinting that something is going on with Ult, whether that's him being a traitor or something to do with his backstory, it's suspicious, there's definitely more to him than meets the eye at first.

(Also worth noting, I'm not sure how accurate the translations are but according to bulbapedia the line in the song that plays along with that scene of Ult translates to "Just me and nobody else, but that ain't right" while the subtitles on the website I watched it on say the line is "I alone am, I am alone, different". However both translations paired with this scene imply that Ult may feel alone on some level but then later have that proved wrong. Obviously the meaning is different within the context of the other lyrics but each scene is chosen to go with each line for a reason, it means something.)

There's also how Roy keeps abandoning him and Ult seems pretty impulsive, if he's not a traitor from the start, I wouldn't be surprised if he went against the group out of annoyance of Roy leaving him behind (actually or metaphorically) and because it's a way for him to achieve their shared goal before Roy does. Spinel wants Rayquayza too and it certainly wouldn't be out of character for him to manipulate Ult into teaming up with the explorers, maybe he'd lie to Ult that he can have Rayquayza once he's done with it if Ult manages to catch it for him?

Also there's just something about Ult even knowing about the black Rayquayza, I guess it's possible that Roy told him about catching Rayquaza when they first met and Ult latched onto that and made it his goal too but it's also very possible that Ult found out himself somehow especially since Roy seems so done with Ult in some scenes that it feels unlikely he'd tell him about his goals.

Here Roy outright asks Ult if he doesn't have goals of his own, which yes is probably because Ult is following/copying his goal but it could also be a hint that he's working towards the explorers' goal (somewhat unknowingly perhaps??) and Roy might know that even if Ult does not.

They seemed to get along somewhat and work really well together in battle but Roy really seemed to want to keep Ult out of things, implying a deeper reason than Ult simply being a little shit. He repeats that he had no choice in abandoning him but there doesn't seem to be a reason why Ult couldn't come with him, unless Roy didn't trust him for some reason. And the look on his face when he made his mind up to abandon Ult is a sad smile but while he's abandoning him, his expression is a lot more serious.

However, before he leaves Ult, he's seen smiling with him as they set up a camp and eat together. Roy seems to feel some level of guilt for abandoning Ult but clearly sees it as something he has to do. Looking at this through the lens of the traitor Ult theory, this could hint at Ult unknowingly being a traitor. Something along the lines of Ult working with the explorers (maybe not even knowing they're the explorers) unaware that makes him untrustworthy/antagonistic to Roy who he genuinely views as a good friend/rival. While Roy has found out somehow and doesn't want to hurt Ult's feelings but also can't risk keeping him around, despite also considering him a good (albeit annoying) friend/rival.

Also in the trailer for episode 92 we see Ult has tracked Roy down in Kanto after he left him in the woods in Hoenn. He somehow located him in a whole other region. That shouldn't have been so easy for him.

Unless location sharing is on between them on their rotom phones (which I doubt considering Roy was trying to get away from Ult) it shouldn't be that easy, unless someone else is giving Ult information or he has some other way to track Roy down. It just feels suspicious, especially since there's no way in hell that the explorers aren't keeping tabs on the RVT and out of all of the RVT members it'd make the most sense if the explorers were to keep an eye on (as far as we know) the only one in the group still out there adventuring, training and trying to work towards finding Rayquaza again. Which is also something the explorers, specifically Spinel, want.

It would just make sense if Ult were a traitor, I love Ult, he seems great from what we've seen of him so far, but he's suspicious as hell.

And even if he is a traitor I think he still does genuinely like Roy, getting abandoned like that clearly hurt his feelings, especially after he made it clear to Roy that he didn't want to be left behind by him.

I also think if he is a traitor, he'll regret it once he grows closer to the group, or, if he's an unknowing traitor, once he finds out about his place in this.

Again, I love what we've seen of Ult's character so far, he's an annoying little shit with abandonment issues and I love that about him, I'm really excited to see what'll come next for his character and in this new arc in general!! :)

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Weird anon, here! I'm glad you're getting joy out of discussing a canonical straight man that the actor has confirmed is straight <3

Well for starters - we are talking about characters in a tv show. They are not real people, they do not exist in real life and what I and others choose to see in a character and in their arc - because we can read subtext and the clues the show is giving us is perfectly valid. Indeed the show and a character being talked about with a queer lens is a good thing on multiple levels.

Secondly - Eddie has never been confirmed as canonically straight - the show has never explicitly stated Eddies sexuality in canon - just because he has currently only dated women (as far as we know) doesn’t mean he’s straight. If they wanted to close down conversations and speculation about Eddies sexuality they have had ample opportunities to do so, but they have not for a reason - just remember Buck was in the same boat until 704 when he figured out he was Bi - ergo no longer straight.

Thirdly - the show is very good at exploring narratives around people figuring themselves out and finding themselves and their found family - later in life - Eddies journey happening now is in keeping with that narrative choice - Michael figured out he was gay in later life, Buck figured out he was bi later in life. Maddie had a second Chance with chin, Athena and Bobby found second chances later in life with each other, etc etc - it’s literally what this show does. So why should a large section of fandom exploring Eddies journey through a queer lens rile you up so very much? Why is the fact we’re are finding joy in discussing a characters sexuality annoy you so much when it’s hasn’t been confirmed in any particular direction annoy you so much - telling a story or unrepression through Eddie would be an incredibly valuable storyline - especially for a Latino man - Ryan has talked about machismo in recent interviews and wanting to break down those cultural norms and narratives through the characters he plays - so us discussing and speculating about Eddies arc being a queer one is perfectly valid. You don’t;t like it - block the tags and stop following people who do want to explore that aspect of a CHARACTER ON A TV SHOW - it really is very easy to do.

Also Ryan haas been using gender neutral pronouns when describing Eddies partners or possible future partners for a while - he has only referred to Eddie as heterosexual a couple of times - and specifically when Eddie was in a heterosexual relationship - so it is perfectly normal to use those terms. Oliver has said similar things in the past as well about Buck when Buck was dating women. So there is little to read into there - the actor is talking with the information they have at the time - but things can change - like I said - Ryan has exclusively been using gender neutral pronouns for a while (again much like Oliver started doing as well) and he has also said this in an interview;

‘I love the ambiguity of Eddie and that there’s connective tissue there - for queer people or not - to relate to and to fall in love and find themselves in who Eddie is. there is a vulnerability in Eddie, there is also a chaos in Eddie. there is so much realness in Eddie. And I love that there are so many fawns out there of all demographics that find themselves in Eddie.’

I Hope you enjoy tonight’s episode.

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

for mercuriel: What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

My word, a Mercuriel ask! Thank you for that, I always feel like I don't talk about him much, but I do really like him too.

But ... brace yourself, because I suspect I'm going to wind up saying a lot more about him than I probably need to. This is going to primarily talk about Mercuriel in his WoL timeline, rather than his existence in the Dusk timeline (partly because I only have the barest of ideas as far as that goes).

Okay, so, when I was transplanting the post-apocalypse crew into Eorzea, while I was willing to completely jettison their backgrounds to fit better into FFXIV's lore, if there were ways for me to give little nods to their backgrounds that were lore friendly, I'd do them.

Mercuriel grew up in a cult before escaping and starting over, in the post-apcalypse. The Lambs of Dalamud were a thing in FFXIV. SO. Part of FFXIV Merc's secret background is that he was in the Lambs, fully on board with their "let's speed up the end of the world" agenda during the end of 1.0. Mercuriel was not in a good place in his life then.

Mercuriel had grown up a poor orphan in Ul'dah, fully immersed in the teachings of Nald'thal, where your wealth reflects how good a person you are and all that garbage. He could never quite crawl out of the hole that beginning put him in, so by the time the Lambs were recruiting, he was a pretty easy mark, for all the reasons people usually fall into cults. That it was eventually revealed to him that the goal was to accelerate the end of the world was a bonus, really, since he was ready to watch the whole thing burn by then anyway.

When Dalamud fell and it turned out the cult was wrong about everything, Mercuriel did a lot of soul searching about it. And around the time ARR begins, he returned to Ul'dah, having decided to give finding wealth and purpose and fame one more try. Because what else was he going to do? Just lay down and die without it at least being a blaze of glory? No thank you.

And also maybe he can do enough to make up for all the shit he did during the whole cult membership period of his life. Not that he cares.

So! I think of Mercuriel's arc as a sort of redemption arc for him, although he would never say he's looking for that. It more or less follows the WoL's arc, but certain things hit differently when viewed through the lens of someone who was so disillusioned with the world he was willing to try and help end it, who is now struggling his way towards a different, more hopeful mindset. All while being really annoyed it's so much work.

But of course it is, you know?

I've joked with friends that some expansions feel like they're specifically for one of my characters. Heavensward was for Dusk. Shadowbringers was for Errol. Stormblood had more for Bjalla than the rest of my guys. And Endwalker was when it was finally for Mercuriel.

He understood the type of despair and hopelessness they were dealing with far better than any of my other characters. And it was a big struggle for him to try and figure out how to articulate why he changed and why he thought that change was so worth it, as he is still unsentimental and cynical much of the time. But one thing he didn't struggle with was the question of wanting to save the world. He wanted that more than anything, and it was no longer just to make up for what he'd done when he was younger. He thought it really was worth saving, now, that life was worth protecting in spite of the less than stellar aspects of existing. And good for him, I say.

So, I think his ending in Endwalker was a good one, since he managed it! He's always going to have to fight against his more cynical instincts, but I think he's proven to himself that he can. Even better: he wants to.

Who knows how whatever post-Dawntrail stories will shake out for him. Dawntrail itself is hard to slot him into, to be honest, because there are so few points where it feels like the Warrior of Light absolutely needs to be there ... and even after everything, if Mercuriel doesn't need to be there, he's going to be off fishing or something instead.

[lucillasstrap]

Friend wheres that post/rant in which u said it wouldve been better if lucius was 🤬🤬🤬 abt rome instead after all this bs he went thru bcs lets be fr ridley messed up

i feel like yapping today (when do i not) so fuck it heres my Big Lucius Post

i have quite a lot of thoughts abt lucius’ character that vary in seriousness based on how much i feel like trying to meet ridley scott where he’s at that day but in general i think the biggest failure to him was to not let him actually remain angry at anyone. for characterizing him as ‘full of rage,’ it’s disappointing to see that he doesn’t seem to actually internalize anything that’s done to him. the grudge he holds against lucilla is solved with remarkable ease and he manages to get over wanting to kill acacius (which is 100% justified) just because he suddenly realizes the emperors are worse? in that one moment? whatever

the only people he actually maintains ‘rage’ against are macrinus and uhhhhh the slaver guy whos name i forget which obviously yeah is righteous anger. but i can’t help but feel like they receive lucius’ vengeance because they are bad guys in this movie, not because lucius deserves to kill them. im not sitting here complaining that he was able to kill his masters, im annoyed that they receive the brunt of what seemingly should be a deeper, foundational anger at the actual close people in his life who directly put him in this position

having lucius believing in the ‘dream of rome’ is silly to me because all he knows of rome is the corruption he witnessed when he was a child, and then being cast away(‘abandoned’) directly in relation to that corruption. he should have no real reason to care about the version of rome that supposedly existed in marcus aurelius’ head—which, by the way, also just makes him look fucking stupid because we get macrinus’ backstory where he directly tells the audience macrus aurelius isn’t the saint everyone acts like he was. this random conviction lucius has about returning to a ‘good’ rome is literally just bullshit like WHY

as a lucilla lover(obviously) it pains me to say it but it makes way more sense for lucius to not forgive her, and as a contrarian it’s easy for me to say he 100% should have killed acacius. that man deserved to die by the hand of the oppressed person he violently conquered, not made into a martyr as a beacon of goodness. his death is made into lucius’ burden, as is lucilla’s, for no reason

the reason i think lucius isn’t angry at the right people in this movie is because it’s not a good time (in a/merican politics) for a movie about the dismantling and overthrowing of imperial force by the people they have enslaved and oppressed. BUT if you want to have more fun with it, i think one of the reasons lucius’ anger seemingly ebbs and flows at random has something to do with his relation to commodus and what kind of temperament hit baby lucius after growing up in his formative years being besties with his sociopath uncle

to keep it short(because this is getting long) i think a lot of commodus is recalled in lucius(uneven temper, lashing out contrasted with emotional shutdowns, desperation to be cared about) which could explain why his anger at the right people is messy. maybe he’s aware of a behavior pattern in himself that, honestly, is the only thing about the rome he knew that people would call ‘bad’—commodus was evil, there’s a good rome underneath. i think maybe him only having childish memories of the bad emperor ruining things could make him more likely to try to stop what he sees as irrational aggression towards the ‘good’ guys in the palace because it feels like the boogeyman of his childhood. this is the lens i use when i see how his aggression in the arena and in his revenge against macrinus and whatsisname is really kinda like. obvious overkill? to me it’s catharsis. he’s redirecting the reasonable anger towards people who systematically did this to him towards people who, while also deserving, are not the ones he’s actually mad at, but they’re the ‘bad guys’ he doesn’t have to feel commodus-like for hating

[oneweek-at-a-time]

underscores - wallsocket | you don't even know who i am, and how personal music is OR, the trans experience viewed through binoculars

music is something that, for a long time, wasn't important to me. it was an okay form of media, i had songs i liked when they came on the radio, but i never really cared for it. the most annoying, immutable fact about me, however, is that i got my love of music from osu! of all places, which to be both frank AND honest is about as bad as it gets. as time has gone on though, and both my love for music and media literacy have gotten substantially better, music has grown into.. everything for me. self expression, relation, emotional release, narrative satisfaction, music is this perfect form of art to me, made substantially more perfect by how subjective and personal it is (yes, all... one second... 130 of these words were just introduction!! and they're all important, i'll be testing ye about them)

as i've alluded to in my other post(s), wallsocket is an album that holds substantial weight to me. it's an outlet for my growing trans angst, it's allowed me to feel heavy , and has allowed me to process a lot of stuff going on in my head. today's song, you don't even know who i am, is the perfect example of just how subjective music is. the track is a large part of the wallsocket ARG, something i admittedly don't know a lot about, but from what i've gathered, it seems to be about one of the characters, Sonny, breaking into another girl's house, and as she describes, "...wore your clothes, took your pills, cried your makeup off". it's meant to be a song about a stalking relationship Sonny has with this other girl, the music video hints to as much, and like i said, is a major piece of the wallsocket ARG.

however, this is not what i get out of the song. i don't see a stalker, i don't see parasociality (is that a word? it is now), i don't see a tie to a greater story. to me, and what this song means to me, is a song about the negatives of being trans, specifically being in the closet, and, more personally, dealing with my dissociative disorder. it personally means so much more to me if you take the two people of the song (the "you", and the "i") and view them through the lens of being one.

the song begins (beginning, meaning to me, that there's no lyrics of substance before this point) quite slowly, taking an unorthodox 10 bars. i've talked about how much variance April's music takes to get started, how much it matters, and how much it adds to the song. here, it being such an odd length gives me these very cluttered, overthinking feelings, trying your damndest to get your head in order despite every single thought running through them.

when the song does get going, the repeating theme of the song starts, with the vocalist saying "i know", and then telling a hypothetical second person about compromising information they know about them.

"i know where you came from.

and i know who your best friends are."

and while it's very easy to see why this is a song about stalking, it's just as easy for me to see it as your "trans identity", or as an alter. it makes so much sense to me if you think about the person vocalising the song being someone who's in your body, instead of a separate person. there's various lyrics that tie that together for me, stuff that would be extremely difficult for a stalker to find out, stuff that makes more sense to me if you think about this "stalker" actually just being someone inside you, namely;

"i know what you're scared of.

and i know what your blood type is."

especially knowing about blood type, something that you'll definitely find out in life, but isn't really spoken about frequently, it instantly nails it in the coffin for me personally that it has to be about yourself, someone inside, another identity. i relate to this person both as a trans identity and as an alter, used interchangeably. and this song just seems to "get me." a lot of times during my transition i feel like i'm looking through a window, at the person i was, though at times i look at the person i am now, through the identity of who i was, and reflect on that. being trans isn't sunshine and rainbows. it's struggle, it's massive hardship, and it's terrifyingly easy to lose who you are. this song to me is a reminder, to myself, not to forget who i am, to not let myself become a mindless drone too disappointed with themselves to do anything. and in relation to my dissociation disorder, never to let the people in my head feel like they have a reason to be jealous of my life.

edit: want to add one thing quick; the whole ",,,wore your clothes, took your pills, cried your makeup off" line to me, and others, such as "i think i'm in love with the cards you were dealt" and "i know that i scare you. but i'm nowhere near the worst you've seen." can be re-contextualised as this sort of jealousy for an ideal version of yourself, of the person, striving to be something so wholly unobtainable. and, in a slightly more vain way, these lines tie me to my feelings of the song stronger, of it being another identity in your head. it's pretty obvious for dissociative disorders, but for transgenderism it's more complicated. there's a person looking out, seeing themselves living as their ideal gender and being jealous, but also this trans identity looking in, jealous of how simple life was before these thoughts crept in, became overbearing, and they realised just how hard living as their born gender is, and while they're happy to transition, they're living the gender they want to be, it's hard not to look back and naively think "i was happier" when in reality, things were just more simple.

this one was heavy chat, i do apologise!! but like i said, music is so, so personal, and my love for music is immense. combined, it makes it so i have to talk about it, write it down somewhere, and that place is here. feel free to disagree with me, find your own meaning in the music, that's what it's all about!! but if you choose my meaning, thank you.

i promise i'll do a happier song next time. i think im going to do these sort of introspective reviews of wallsocket in its entirety, then talk about other music/media that i love soooooooo subscribe for that!!!

[knickknacksandallthat]

if you don't mind me asking, what got you into kevin's character?

for me it was actually your fic, but since its so normalized in the fandom to dismiss his trauma and call him a coward and annoying for doing things that other characters are loved for, i didn't really care about him when i first read the books

now hes my favorite

Oh, anon, I love this!! What an honor, I’m so glad to have helped you join the Kev lovefest 😊 (Welcome to the dark side lol!) It makes me so happy that the A Fallen Star series has awakened this in you! 💖

And wow, what a good question. I don't mind at all! I actually had to think about this for a while to try and remember…how the heck did I get here???

So here is my ridiculously uncalled-for POV on Kevin’s character and slow descent into madness below:

(Disclaimer that these are just my thoughts and anyone in the aftg fandom can hc or think whatever they like about Mr. Day 😊)

Like you, anon, I was easily swayed by Neil’s perspective of Kev on first read. It makes sense and is a credit to Nora how we so fully buy into Neil’s opinion of Kevin that many of us just run with it. And to be fair to the fandom, it’s canon – Andrew, Neil, and all the Foxes tell us he’s a coward and annoying and so we assume it must be true.

So, I created many fics that played into this image and focused on andreil. (Because who isn’t enamored with andreil??? Legit, deranged obsession and couple goals lmao). Using that lens, it was easy to make Kevin the punching bag because he is the quintessential “straight man” in comedy (and yes, I do hear the irony in that) – the foil to other characters to make them seem better, braver, funnier, smarter, etc. It’s an age-old trick/trope in fiction that works very well. And it was an easier transition for Nora to make, I think, once she made the decision to remove Kevin from the main narrative of her story.

This character setup works well enough when you’re doing a fic from Neil or Andrew’s POV, providing an easy source of humor to fall back on. So, for me, I think my thinking shifted once I started working on Flavors of Fall and delved into Andrew and Kevin’s storyline there. That fic forced me to think from Kevin’s perspective, and I found at the time I had a shallow understanding of what made Kevin tick. It totally threw me once I really started considering sequels for that fic and the 12 Day Program for Courtship, both of which have Kevin cast as a main character. I had to dive deep into his makeup, seriously considering his motivations, his likes/dislikes, his personality traits, his relationships, and how he would react in any given situation.

Because I was interested in his character development, I started delving into fics like orionauriga’s just pretend , @likearecordbb's Long Walk in the Woods, @thetrojeans daylights, sunsets, and @dayurno's the age of no regret series. They are all brilliant, fascinating character studies of Kevin Day and his relationships that are extremely well done. There’s many more, of course, but I was searching for fics that specifically delved into Kevin’s thought process and choices and stayed there a while.

That’s what led me to feeling like I needed to tell his story with Dead of Night. Of course, it turned into a larger series with my flavoring of Kerejean added because I’ve never been a huge Kevin/Thea relationship fan. (But that's a discussion for another day which you can start here and here for that adventure.)

Now all that I’ve described above gives you the mechanics of the descent – the when, the where, the how. But it crucially misses the why. What is it about Kevin that got me in the end?

Ironically enough, it was his potential.

I think when Nora stripped away any kind of romantic narrative (RIP Kandreil OR Riko/Kevin/Jean) or a chance for a tragic storyline (Kevin dying in the end) it resulted in removing a lot of Kevin’s emotional vulnerability. We don’t get to hear what he’s feeling or thinking unless it’s related to Riko, the Moriyamas, or Exy. This means his storyline is consumed by the stereotypical sports underdog story, with us following his rise to champion (which is still a powerful enough narrative on its own that shines even in the midst of Neil’s crazy plotline. Switching that racquet to his left hand in the championship game? Iconic.) 

However, it leaves us very much with a shell of a person. Kevin’s character outside of Exy is reduced to a handful of facts – there’s a passing comment on his like of history, and the stark evidence of an alcohol addiction as a coping mechanism. We’re told he used to dance. That he learned French because Jean Moreau taught him. That he has no qualms about taking (mild?) drugs (cracker dust). Despite how much we’ve run with it as a fandom, the only allusion I’ve found in the books to him being strict with diet is this section from The King’s Men:

“No one needs to eat this before a game,” Kevin said. “Eat some granola or protein if you’re that hungry.” “Hello, there’s protein in the peanut butter,” Nicky said. “Let go of me before I tell Andrew you’re outlawing chocolate. I said let go. You’re not the boss of me. Ouch! Did you seriously just hit me?” … “Kevin, just let him go,” Neil said. “It’s not worth fighting over.” “When our defense is sluggish, we all suffer,” Kevin said.

From what I can find in the books, Kevin never once denies Andrew eating ice cream. (Which I’m 100% able to admit I might have missed something so feel free to quote me where that scene is because I was totally searching for it). In fact, every time they go to Sweetie’s, it’s implied Kevin orders ice cream with them. In the infamous kissing scene in The King’s Men, we actually have proof that Kevin got ice cream:

Kevin still hadn’t messaged Nicky by the time they reached the ice cream aisle, so Nicky gave in and called him. Neil half-expected Kevin to ignore Nicky’s call, but Kevin wasn’t so sour with them that he’d turn down a free snack…Nicky grabbed spoons from the kitchen and distributed pints to their hungry owners. Neil checked his expression when Nicky came back from dropping Kevin’s off….

Now I do think it’s in line with his character and his upbringing to have issues with food, so I’m all for buying into that specific hc. But we have very little evidence of it in the text.

His personality is reduced mainly to anger, arrogance, or cowardice (all traits that don’t make us sympathize with him). The only facts we have about his Tragic Past™️ are two things: his mother’s death, and his hand injury. Everything else we assume is based on Neil’s knowledge of the mafia, Wymack’s hearsay, Andrew’s deductions, and Kevin’s reactions to Riko and Tetsuji. We have literally no idea what happened to Kevin in the Nest. His trauma and his time spent there is a complete mystery. The closest we get is Riko’s comment to Neil in The Raven King:

“I am going to love hurting you,” Riko said, “like I loved hurting Kevin.”

This, I think, is one of the main reasons many of the fandom “dismisses” Kevin’s trauma in comparison to Neil’s because we can’t see it. We don’t know what happened and we don’t get to experience it, so this lack of explanation or motivation leaves us only with very cold personality traits. We’re unable to root for him as a character because we can’t sympathize. We can empathize because we know Very Bad Things™️ must have happened in the Nest, but we don’t see them happen the same way we do Neil or Andrew. Even Kevin’s hand injury is old and “healed” when we’re first introduced to the character.

The only true canon moment where Kevin appears “human” is in The Raven King with Kevin’s “then run” and “you should be court” conversation with Neil. His admittance that Neil’s life is more important than Exy is instantaneous – he doesn’t even pause to throw his Exy dreams down the drain if it means Neil can survive.  In a weirdly parallel way, we see Kevin’s thought process implicit in his conversation: “at least you’d have a chance.” It is strikingly similar to Neil’s internal conversation of: one of us should make it. (And there’s another whole separate discourse I could get into on how Kevin and Neil are two halves of the same coin, but we’ll save that for another day.) But even the revelation of Wymack as his father has more shock value than true emotional weight – we never see what that conversation looked like or how either party actually reacted. (In some ways, I feel like Dan being pissed at Kevin is given more “screentime” than Kevin’s response to telling his father and how Wymack reacted.)

So with Kevin’s emotions and past firmly locked down, we’re left to brush off Kevin’s reactions (or lack thereof) as part of his indifferent personality. It is what it says on the tin. (And that’s not to say Kevin is a perfect character by any means. He has flaws just like every other character.)

Now some people very accurately depict and buy into those limitations as simply being Kevin’s character/personality – I’ve read some awesome fics where Kevin is Ace/Aro and/or on the spectrum. These are completely valid, extremely well done, and I could totally see why others see and write him this way. Canon practically sets them up for it.

For me, though, it circles back to our skewed view of Kevin given to us by some deeply loved but also deeply flawed characters (cough, Andreil). Those same characters that we’re told time and again not to judge them by their cover but to try and understand how they’re affected by (and make choices because of) their trauma.

While Andrew and Neil end up giving each other this grace through a hard-fought battle of truths and exchanges, they do not extend this same courtesy to Kevin, and neither are we given the chance to do so. We literally can’t because, again, we don’t know what the full extent of Kevin’s trauma is.

Kevin doesn’t talk about his time in the Nest to any character, meaning we know nothing about it. Ergo we don’t know what choices Kevin makes because of it. In The Foxhole Court, Wymack specifically tells us Kevin was Riko’s pet. In fact, there is so much specific language that Kevin himself uses around the concept of ownership, and that Nora uses when referring to him that it jarringly sticks out in the text.  He has no sense of personal space or proper boundaries, viewing people only as assets to be used for the good of the team, which at the very least is a sign of mental abuse. But the fact remains that we just don’t know. We don’t know how far this mental abuse was taken, how often or severely he was injured, if he injured or was forced to injure others – we don’t know.

But it’s obvious whatever happened to him started as a child and built from there. Which means he has years of abuse and power dynamics embedded into him. He has every right to be afraid. In fact, we are demonstrably told and shown often in canon that Kevin is afraid…but fear does not equate to cowardice. In fact, we know that bravery often means being scared and doing something anyway. And in many cases, that’s just what Kevin did (with a crutch named Andrew). But even before he entered his deal with Andrew, it's important to remember that even though he was brainwashed and beaten from a young age to understand that he would die if he betrayed the Moriyama family in some way, he left them.

This is always so significant to me because so many abuse victims stay in their situation thinking/hoping/praying it will get better – either because of an idea that their abuser will change (“they’re just having a hard time at work rn”) or that the victim will fix whatever flaw the abuser finds lacking. Or alternatively, they recognize the situation is bad, but they can’t leave because they feel like they have nowhere to go, no one who will help them, trapped by their lack of skills/contacts/money. In Kevin’s case, both situations rang true. And yet he left. He left, and in only a year and a half’s time he recovered from his injury and led his team to the championship.

But he is only at the start of his recovery. I think he’ll need years of therapy to recover from all that happened in the Nest. I think many of his emotional and social shortcomings are a direct consequence of that timeframe and he did not have the freedom to address them until the threat of the Moriyamas was removed. I do not think they are permanent parts of his personality – I think in time, he will be allowed to grow and recover and contribute much more to his relationships than he’s capable of doing at the end of The King’s Men.

Though the series finished, I think Kevin’s story is just beginning.

That’s why I think he’s fascinating to explore as a character. That’s why I love writing him right now because in many ways, his possibilities are endless. There’s so many opportunities to explore different facets of his story that we never get a chance to in canon. Kevin’s character and narrative is a tantalizing tease which many of us have fell hook, line, and sinker for. (Including yours truly.) We want to rabidly sink our teeth into it and shake it, like a dog with a bone.

So we do. 😉

Phew. Okay, that’s enough. None of what I’ve written above is new I’m sure to those of the fandom who have been here since the beginning or have become diehard Kevin fans. But thank you for letting me ramble in this ask, anon. Writing about Kevin has been a very fun and therapeutic adventure for me. So I’m so glad that there are others out there who are enjoying it too 😊

[batsplat]

casey saw this as patronizing or whatever bc he grew up pretty isolated and physical affection was not something he was used to past a certain point in childhood……

https://www.tumblr.com/batsplat/764372520458715136/qatar-2007-cheek-caress-arm-around-the-shoulder-as

(here, also here) I am always careful not to get TOO deep into making assumptions about the non-motogp relationships of these guys, especially when it's anything related to parental dynamics... have seen some interactions with his father on screen provide evidence for this thesis, but also don't want to read too much into those. but, well. in any case. there definitely is something to this idea that casey is just like... missing out on forms of socialisation that are basically second nature to valentino, to the extent valentino isn't even thinking about them that much. which probably gives us two rather contrasting experiences of that particular moment

we know for a fact that casey was a bit bewildered by how his competitors reacted after winning races... not that he necessarily has a PROBLEM with it but what's up with all these elaborate pre-planned celebrations when you haven't even won a title... and it's so telling that he frames it as a european thing. because it's not!! it's a valentino thing that then a bunch of other riders (including obviously jorge, one of casey's peers) adopted for themselves. but fundamentally casey has this tendency to interpret a lot of his general isolation and loneliness through the lens of cultural alienation, as a way of explaining to himself why he feels so separate from the rest of the paddock, and then he uses valentino as his primary frame of reference for what europeans are like, and there's just a lot of conflating going on here... and suddenly we're getting to the point where valentino becomes very relevant to casey's general feelings of isolation

and I do have like. a hot take about 2007. which I can't fully substantiate, but it's just where I'm at with the evidence and the vibes right now. and it's that valentino really isn't particularly hostile towards casey that year. casey does talk about valentino making some remarks about him in the press that he doesn't like - but it really isn't easy to find what those remarks actually were. like, actual substantial criticisms. if valentino made some remarks with nebulously bad vibes, sure, they might have gotten lost in the mists of time - but if he'd said anything more dramatic than some mildly snide remarks, surely there'd be some record of it. there's only really reporting of casey feeling that valentino's tone towards him in the press has gotten less friendly... which is probably true! but it's also worth pointing out that casey is... uh. a sensitive character. that season, he was reacting with rather a lot of hostility to any suggestion that the tyre difference between bridgestone and michelin might be helping casey out. which valentino did say! but he was consistently framing it not as casey winning because of the tyres, but the tyre different not allowing valentino to compete with him. and valentino does switch tyres at the end of the year, so crucially he does put his money where his mouth is - he's not just complaining for the hell of it, and it's also worth pointing out that subsequent events 100% vindicate that decision. it's completely understandable that casey will have been annoyed by that... and yes, plenty of fans will have gone further in suggesting casey really only was champion due to the bridgestones and some corners of the press were definitely very annoying... but like. in the grand scheme of things, this is still pretty restrained rhetoric on valentino's part, right? it's stuff you can take offence to, but you are setting the bar rather low there

which leads us to the next issue... valentino doesn't completely blank casey like he does some of his rivals at the height of those feuds, he's still willing to engage in small talk and all of that. yes, it's entirely plausible valentino cooled off a little interpersonally towards casey, but. well. they were title rivals. that's kind of... fine? controversial opinion alert, I suppose. it's at the very least expected, surely. obviously valentino had just gone through an unusually warm title fight with nicky hayden et al - but for the most part, consensus opinion is that you're not really going to be friends with the guy you're competing with for the highest prize in the sport. and you sort of wonder how many interactions they could possibly have had before 2007 for casey even to use as a baseline. like, sure, they'll have known each other a little bit... casey's spoken about how valentino would chat to him about stuff not related to motorcycle racing, which is very sweet and all. but presumably we're talking a few pressers and paddock run-ins, right? nothing all that substantial

and if you take those facts together, add in that casey had considered valentino one of his idols... you've got valentino not opting for open hostility in 2007. the lack of any valentino comments memorable enough to still be available today. casey's sensitivity towards criticism. valentino's tendency to cool off towards direct rivals. that they were still friendly enough towards each other at the end of 2007. how there probably weren't many significant pre-2007 interactions. casey repeatedly complaining about how valentino had cooled off towards him in 2007. and of course, casey's long-standing isolation... well, it does leave you with an interesting picture. at a certain point, I do feel like all of this raises an obvious question: if valentino isn't actively insulting casey and isn't just completely blanking him, then why does casey even care if things have gotten a little more interpersonally chillier between them? why does it bother casey that valentino isn't speaking as much to him as before?

and that leads us back to qatar 2007. because my best guess is that valentino wasn't deliberately buttering casey up as much as he just sort of overshot on his default charm and left a little bit too much of an impression on this lonely kid who was having things go his way at last. valentino wasn't being patronising... he just acts that way when he loses races, whether that's his personality or an awareness that charming your opponents can be a healthy approach or a combination of the two. and yes, whether you want to attribute that to his european inclinations or having had a healthy social life - valentino isn't a stranger to a caressed cheek here or there to show his appreciation. and... well, I reckon initially casey was just extremely charmed by the whole thing. by one of his heroes chatting to him as an equal, by the god of the sport warmly congratulating him for his victory - the full force of valentino's charisma crashing into this undersocialised kid who'd been written off as a surly crash-prone loner who was a bit of a handful to work with... all the while, the commentary is informing us that casey doesn't smile a lot. that he isn't known for his drinking prowess, even! we're being actively encouraged to read the moments in parc fermé in terms of how casey doesn't tend to be either particularly sociable or particularly happy. and, well, if you barely have any friends in the paddock (ed: apart from chaz davies who does warrant a mention here - notably mostly gone from the paddock from mid-2006 onwards), if you're not close to anyone, if you're kind of short on chemistry with other riders... it does take on added significance if the valentino rossi of all people turns on the charm in your direction. and it makes it all the more painful if valentino later creates a little bit of distance in response to your budding rivalry

there's an element of casey overthinking things because he can't quite reconcile the idea that valentino can be so vicious towards him with all the friendly interactions they've had, so he ends up retroactively assigning valentino ulterior motives for all the time valentino was perfectly pleasant towards him. but that's precisely BECAUSE these interactions held a little too much significance for him... more, certainly, than they did for valentino. what european hasn't caressed the cheek of a few of their future nemeses, right. valentino practically tackled toni elias in parc fermé two races earlier at estoril 2006, like he's all over the guy all the way to the podium. (elias is actually cradling his cheek on the podium, so valentino's certainly no stranger to the sensation.) valentino certainly can be a... tactile bloke, let's say. whereas there's a serious possibility that this is the first time casey has gotten his cheek stroked by one of his fellow riders in parc fermé

so yeah. my theory is that casey did take valentino's chilliness to him exceedingly poorly in part because of how those early interactions actually meant quite a lot to him. so to casey, valentino's behaviour towards him stood out in a positive sense... he wasn't necessarily suspicious of the qatar 2007 interaction while it was happening - but casey's a suspicious character, and he did quickly grow wary of valentino. and valentino was still charming towards him at times, and a little colder on other occasions... just playing the game, really, no complex or thorny emotions for valentino to deal with in this particular rivalry. and casey never quite managed to reconcile these different sides of valentino - and it made him revisit all of valentino's behaviour towards him in an attempt to try and establish some sort of consistency. it's easier to believe that valentino was only nice to casey because he didn't take casey seriously as a threat, rather than accept that valentino might still be able to warmly congratulate casey even while plotting to destroy him. if you caress casey's cheek, you'd better not be planning to be mean about him later

[optiwashere]

Is there any part of baldur's gate 3 that you dislike? I know you enjoy the game, but most fans of the old games I see are very critical and you're one of the few that I've seen that seems to love it.

First of all, this is a very fun question, anon! Thanks 💜

Secondly, you're experiencing illusory correlation when you connect "previous BG fans" to "those that dislike BG3." It's further compounded by the fact that most people only get really loud when they're disappointed/upset, and the people that are happy tend not to post as virulently or constantly about said topic. Millions of people have played BG1/2 and then a good chunk of those folks went on to play BG3, so think about all the people you aren't seeing when you see a post like that.

Anyways, there are things I'm either bleh on, annoyed with, or dislike about BG3. I'm too old to expect perfection.

Some of the things I don't like:

Callbacks to BG1/2 like Sarevok and Viconia, though that is more WotC's fault than Larian's, and this goes double for Abdel Adrian being referenced at all in the game. Those books should have been memory holed.

The uneven nature of all the companions' stories. Some have tons of dialogue, reactivity, and the ability to let the player choose to give the companion the choice of how they handle things, with the player's own choices affecting the companion's decision. Others are in a semi-broken state (Minthara) or feel lacking despite being great characters (Wyll) that deserve those choices.

5E D&D is a bad system down to its bones. Its flaws are openly on display in the game; the only reason that the tactical gameplay feels any good is because Larian is very skilled at crafting memorable, enjoyable encounters and they hacked in a dozen different homebrews and house rules to make the damn thing feel any good. BTW, 2E AD&D was a mess for wildly different reasons and the old real-time w/ pause system is conducive to spamming filler encounters, so it's not as easy as saying "old game better" for me.

The lack of companion banter in Act 3 when compared to the previous acts. Hell, even Act 2 has a fair bit less than Act 1.

The way that some companions feel kinda hollow when you're not actively engaged in their romance. More platonic connection! One of my favorite scenes in the game is the platonic stargazing with Gale. Let me dance with Wyll without it being romantic, let me go on a friendly night on the town with Karlach, let me experience some of these scenes through the lens of friendship. I know that this is probably one of the more time-consuming tasks for the team at large, but it's one that I would love to see some day.

The character creator is lacking in body types, facial structure for various ethnicities, and a truly broad scope of what trans/non-binary bodies can look like. However, I'm incredibly grateful for what we did get and I will take one small step if that means it becomes more and more common in RPGs. I'll fight for more, but I will be happy with what we have in this game.

Is BG3 the bestest, most greatest CRPG of all time? No. Do I love BG3? Yes. Is it my favorite BG game? Ask me that question in ten years.

[gynandromorph]

if you’ve watched hunter x hunter, a question: what would idletry’s characters nen powers be if they could develop them? no omnipotence for jessie she just gets stupidly high potential

i have watched hxh, multiple times, but only exclusively while experiencing migraines so bad i couldn't think straight and would pass out and wake up and pass out again for hours at a time, usually a week or two straight... it had a decent amount of episodes, so it was easy to turn it on and let it run so i wasn't like, just laying there with super loud tinnitus assaulting my eardrums.

but, that is to say, i don't remember literally any of it, and scenes from it now have this surreal, dream-like, unpleasant quality to them because of the association for some reason?

i tried looking at the wiki for this and it's like a mile long. at the end of the day, jessie's powers are rewriting reality. more specifically, they are rewriting reality due to a profound unhappiness with the way things have turned out. whether that is unhappiness with the fact that things have to die for other things to live as a reality, or unhappiness with a slightly annoying quirk her partner has, it is fantasizing about the ways things could be BETTER through a critical, often outright hateful lens. whatever way that would fit w/the power system, that's what her powers would be, if it Can fit in it at all

[nanaminokanojo]

THAWING ICE QUEEN (part 30)

–one night of fooling around with the annoying campus king gojo satoru (he thinks so), turns into...well, something else more long term

CHARACTERS: gojo satoru x you | geto suguru | jjk characters

GENRE: college au | eventual smut | smau | smau + prose | everything in between | ons | fubus to lovers | aged-up characters | idk where this is going

⚠️ TW/CW: strong/mature language | 🔞 | mentions of alcohol, smoking, etc. | this will most likely have narrations | god-awful pet names | will add more if something arises

MASTERLIST | CHAPTER INDEX

<<prev part 30 next>>

A/N: This contains prose.

-

You and Satoru both dissolved into easy laughter amidst the distant chatter of their guests and the faint pink lights coming from the other side of the lake. He couldn't help the giddy feeling in his chest seeing you clutching onto the arm of his montsuki, eyes alight with mirth. The pair of you are far from the parameters of your agreement; just two friends, having fun under a fleeting canopy of rosy blooms...and maybe, just maybe, even beyond that.

Satoru glanced over his shoulder, wrenching his blue gaze from you. He took a moment to truly appreciate the view before him. He had gotten so used to it – seeing the sea of pink slowly taking over the cold white of winter. He had a private view of it, not having to go to parks like other people to witness it every year, but he never really felt anything profound about it until that moment. Sharing the view with you made all the difference.

"Do you like it?" he asked, voice quiet.

He heard your laughter, like chimes in the gently blowing wind. "That's an understatement."

Turning, he looked at you, beyond surprised to find you beaming at him. "Y-yeah?"

"Of epic proportions." 

Once again, he found himself admiring the view like it was the first time he was seeing it, but not the trees this time but you. He didn't know what possessed him at that time. It was spring then, too, and he knew he messed up when he asked if he could kiss you, and Suguru almost fell onto the sidewalk from laughing too much. But he had to save face and go along with it, and maybe that was a mistake considering how you've formed this impression of him that was far from how he wanted you to perceive him.

Funny how everything goes his way on anything except when it involves you.

Go slow, he thought. This was a step forward for him. At least you weren't just seeing him through a single lens seeing as how you reacted to his little surprise. He didn't really peg you for someone who appreciated the simpler things in life. If he knew you liked these things, then he would've done more of it to win you over.

He smiled to himself. And maybe it wasn't too late to actually start doing that if it meant he'd get to see you smiling happily because of him or something he did for you.

You sighed in contentment. "I love it. Thanks for having me over."

"You can come over anytime. Just say so."

You snickered. "Don't say that, or you'll be forced to take me here every weekend."

Satoru grinned back at you. "I don't see how that's to my disadvantage, sweet cheeks." He couldn't help being cheeky with you, but that seemed to have broken the spell of enjoying a great conversation with you. "I get to spend time with you."

"You're getting clingy, Gojo."

"Satoru," he whispered, his voice being carried away by the wind.

"Huh?"

"Earlier..." He looked at you, seeing the confusion on your face, and decided against it. "Nothing."

You smirked at him. "Yes, earlier, what was your mom saying? You mentioned me to her – how did she put it? – once or twice?"

Satoru rolled his eyes at you. "In passing, probably. She's making such a big deal out of it."

"Oh..."

"I...I didn't mean to make it sound like you're inconsequential, Y/N. All I'm saying is she likes to tease me a lot 'cause all I ever talk about are Suguru and Ieiri, and I guess I didn't realize that until she brought it up. I –"

"Satoru, you're rambling."

"Satoru?"

You paused. He didn't know what that meant, but he liked how you say his name outside of the times you were in bed. Just like you did earlier.

"You're too surprised when you asked me to call you by your name."

"So, you heard me?"

You nodded. "I guess it's better to address you that way if I am to come here every weekend." You chuckled. "I don't wanna be summoning the whole clan."

He felt his cheeks heating up, thankful for the dim lighting, and like the blood that rushed into his head, he couldn't stop the involuntary step he took towards you or the way his hands seemed to have developed minds of their own to cup your face. Not even the way he leaned forward and claimed your lips with his.

Satoru pushed you against the trunk of the cherry tree, planting one hand firmly against the rough bark just beside your head, pressing his warmth into yours.

It was just the two of you, or it felt like that to him, with no one else in your little bubble and nothing to worry about. He smiled against your mouth when he felt your fingers clutching at the fabric of his robe, taking it slow, taking all the time in the world with you.

Slow is good. He liked slow. It's worth it if it's you.

You both pulled away after a few moments, your lips raw and moist from the kisses you've shared, pupils blown out despite the lack of light. You just stared at each other before Satoru leaned his forehead against your shoulder.

"You know what?"

"What?" you asked.

He snickered. "I was supposedly conceived on this very spot." Again, he couldn't help it.

You rolled your eyes, already aware of what he's gonna say, but you bit the bait just that one time. "So?"

"Wanna make babies here with me?"

-

-

~*~

TAGS LIST: @arxliana @neeneee @charlie-xo @aelynaneedsalottathing @arizzu @cloudxp @justpuddinglol @mikkies @nyfwyeonjun

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20230817]

[incorrectcoldflashblog]

Legends or the Flash, you pick!

Hi, friend! Thank you so much for the ask <3

I picked Legends. Under a cut because I used a ton of gifs, lol.

Favorite Female Character:

Zari 1. (I liked Zari 2, just not quite as much.)

Favorite Male Character:

(Duh!)

3 Other Favorite Characters:

And more! Kinda hard to pick only three honestly.

3 OTPs:

Notp: 

Captain Canary. Would not care one bit if it was a fanon thing but as Len’s canon ship? Big nope, wish they hadn’t wasted our time with it.

Funniest character:

Ava for sure. High-strung characters like Ava are basically designed to be comedic.

Prettiest character:

He is my pretty little princess.

Most Annoying Character:

Gary, maybe? He’s supposed to be annoying, but he’s also better in small doses.

Most badass character:

Sara, definitely.

Character I’d like as my BFF:

Excluding Zari, then Behrad for sure. He’s so chill, I feel like he’d be so easy to get along with.

Female Character I’d Marry:

Zari Tomaz.

Male Character I’d Marry:

Ehh, none of them? As much as I love Len, I don’t think I’d want to be married to him. Maybe Ray if it means I can also marry Nora XD

Character I hate/dislike/least like:

Does Carter count? I don’t have super strong dislike towards any of the regular characters tbh. Maybe that Bishop guy that’s played by Tala Ashe’s husband?

Leave a Fandom in my Ask

[snellyfish]

Angie is so interesting from a morality perspective because while her ideas (that the need to escape is fueling the murders and that having some sort of order will help prevent murders) were largely good, she went about them in the most fucked up way. and I love that about her! it's such a cool character type where you're like "yeah I see what you're going for there's definitely logic in— aaand your morals are fucked"

plus she makes such an excellent foil to so many characters that exploring her through a relationship (platonic or romantic or anything else) lens is super fun

*holds Angie* I just think she's neat

100%!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I WANT YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!!

I just braindead watched 2 movies in the most overstimulated autistic way so I'm really bad at wording right now forgive me if I'm incomprehensible--

Her motives and reasonings (or as I perceive them) are soooo interesting to me and it sucks that people ignore her and brush her off because she's just Annoying, like yeah she wasn't meant to be outwardly likable and was absolutely batshit, but I understand her thought process and it's just not the kind of character I see very often. Like, yeah, she is annoying, this however does absolutely zero to distract from how unique but believable her characterization is!!!!

People just want cookie cutters of their favorite popular tropes of relatably flawed characters who are wholly good and easy to read, which is fine, obviously! They're popular characters for a reason! But I find that they're the easiest to enjoy and because of this characters with genuine out of the box creative ideas and concepts get SO stomped over. Angie is fucking weird! That's the point!

No interaction with her will ever be normal and that's what's FUN!!!!

And STILL, at the end of the day, she's still a relatable human being underneath it all if you dig deep enough with your little puzzle pieces; she's soooooo mmgngngngn SHAKING HER VIOLENTLY

[commsroom]

I have DID, and a lot of my system feels very represented in Hera's character, for various reasons. Do you have any thoughts on viewing her character through this lens (or through the lens of any dissociative disorder)? (Side note but your takes on her character are always so interesting! I always get excited whenever I see one of your really long hera posts. The way you articulate things is really nice too.)

oh, interesting! i don't have DID, so i wouldn't want to make assumptions or speak for your experiences, but i would be curious to know your thoughts! and you're welcome to DM me, if you want to talk about it, but would rather not put it out there publicly.

i can talk a bit about how i feel her experiences reflect more general dissociation and depersonalization? she's had to develop a strong sense of interiority; she exists sort of 'within' her own mind, feeling separate from and like she can only observe the 'real world.' whatever tangible actions she can take are by proxy, not things she feels she's directly interacting with. there are the literal mental blocks keeping her from accessing traumatic memories, and the servers full of information that are - in a sense - part of her, directly accessible via her thoughts, but not known to her until they're accessed and processed through memory. and then there are things she can't think about, not even because they're traumatic, but because an external party decided she wasn't allowed: "do you have any idea how annoying it is to get kicked off a thought when you're halfway through having it? now i'm going to have a headache for the rest of the night." ... like, that perceived artificiality of the self and lack of autonomy and control in relation to others is something that i emotionally understand.

a lot of my fixation on the idea of hera having a body comes from a place of disconnect and desire to reconcile with that; it's cathartic, in a way, to explore what it means to have a body from the perspective of someone who has no physical history, no sense of place, or really anything that 'identity' often stems from. i think so much of just feeling like a person is in having other people respond to your presence, and when there's such a disconnect between who you are and how you're perceived - or when there's no one to perceive you at all - it's easy to feel like kind of a non-entity, and out of step with the people around you. i also find certain ways of thinking about the brain + body as a computer + machine useful in processing certain types of actions and reactions, especially in, like... the opening of persuasion; 'mindfulness' on its own doesn't do much for me, but the way hera has to adjust her thought processes to sort of re-teach herself to purposefully do one task at a time instead of everything at once - "relearning the way [she listens] to what's in [her] head" - resonates with me. i don't know if any of these experiences overlap with what you had in mind, but i'd be curious to find out! i think part of what makes her such a great character is that these are very real things that anyone with difficulty feeling present, who feels that the world is in some way uniquely inaccessible to them, who has a complicated relationship with a sense of self due to that disconnect, will understand on a very personal level, especially in relation to trauma and traumatic injury / disability.

(and thank you so much; that's kind of you!!)

[tio-trile]

OKAY SAME ANON sorry this is the third one,, but im going thru the rest of your asks and im realizing so many things.

I agree, a show SHOULD be able to stand on its own as an individual thing rather than counting on a sequel to continue its story. Now that I'm looking at the show in this lens, it is very lackluster. I still do quite love it, scratches that slice of life itch,, but mystery wise? No. I loved how ominous the "Everyday" song was. I thought it was supposed to foreshadow Armageddon (which it did, kind of) but more so it was for the Beel Gabriel reveal in the end. Aziraphale ran around looking for clues, but the annoying thing for me is he never puts it together? It was just something he does for US, the audience. It would've been good if he acknowledged all those clues in the ending, or realized it faster than us. In the end it seems so fruitless for him to investigate bc it never really did him any good? It was just for the audience to see. Also the Nina--Maggie subplot was cute, but it was also lacking? I like the point of "you cant force us together" bc theyre humans and its not that easy. But as a subplot it was waaay too ignored for it to be any relevant at all to the plot.

The thing about you mentioned abt A/C being supporting charas in the book, I agree. The good thing abt their dynamic is even with little clues and gestures we realize how good they are w/each other. The subtlety is what makes everything MORE interesting. But s2 makes it revolve around the ship, to the point where its all just filler. I dont mind filler,, but as you said, canon-compliant filler would be better. I appreciate that they're the main characters now since more screentime but I'd love it if they weren't ship-focused and still had proper interaction and dynamics with people outside of their circle (which I liked from the book + s1).

Anyways,, I still like it. But I appreciate seeing your takes since it really changed the way I view the show now. I feel more neutral about it now somewhat? I'm not invested in fandoms anymore bc of irl stuff so I don't think I would've spotted these things like you did so I really, really appreciate all your insights. Thank you. There's a lot of things to fix if s3 ever gets announced.

I think Neil mentioned that Terry brought up the "Everyday" song as a song about the Apocalypse (the book or S1), which could have been so good and ominous......instead it got used on this random Beelz x Gabe romance that came out of nowhere 😂😂 I thought the Nina x Maggie romance had potential in the beginning, but also completely fell flat/didn't go anywhere towards the end. Again, my takes are NOT trying to convince people who liked the show that they should change their opinions and NOT like the show anymore -- I'm just trying to explain why I personally didn't like it. Feel free to enjoy it as much as you can! Unfortunately I had way too much insights about it for it to be enjoyable for me 😂😂

[veliseraptor]

Hey Lise, I know this is asking you to harken back to your MCU days but did you ever come across a meta post that was like, "we shouldn't compare Loki and Bucky's trauma; Loki's trauma is much more like Steve's pre-serum trauma and look at how ✨awesome✨ Steve is and how he dealt with that same trauma? Loki has no excuses!" Because I did and it still makes me mad to think about to this day.

If I'm remembering the post you're thinking of properly - and I definitely may not be, I could be thinking of a different post entirely (the staple of "compare the antagonist's trauma to a protagonist's trauma, comment on how the protagonist handled it sooooo much better and how that indicates that the antagonist deserved what he/she/they got, because the way somebody handles trauma is determinative of their goodness or evilness as a person" is a recurring tradition across time and fandoms, I'm sure there are multiple posts), that's not actually what I got from the one in question? perhaps it was just my lens, but (again, if I'm thinking of the same post), I recall it being relatively morally neutral, or at least more about looking at the ways in which "actually while the easy comparison is loki and bucky due to the position they occupy in the narrative, loki and steve have more in common in some ways and that's interesting" and I read it as, personally, a bit of a stoki manifesto.

like, "actually these characters people don't tend to associate/look at together have some very interesting parallels! isn't that neat?" more than anything coming with a moral judgment.

but getting this ask made me go back into the depths of my blog (truly, the depths) to track down the post I'm at least thinking of, and remarkably enough actually managed to find it (given that the post in question is from 2013), and...reading it from the perspective of Fandom Discourse in 2023 I can definitely see what it is you're saying, and I think if I saw it in Fandom Edition 2023 that's probably how I would read it, too, and get annoyed about it. but looking at it from the perspective of where things were at that time, before the great villain/victim discourse of Winter Soldier kicked in, I actually feel a relative minimum of judgment from the post? Like, it does describe the different choices steve and loki make in response to their experiences in positive/negative terms, but it doesn't then progress to (at least in my reading) "and that's why loki is evil and NO EXCUSES" (Fandom 2023 Edition), but stays at just...letting it be about divergent character journeys coming from similar-but-different places? idk.

like, at the very least this one acknowledges that the "bad" character was genuinely hurt and having an understandable emotional reaction. which is not necessarily something one sees these days.

idk. maybe I'm being too generous. but then, I am more inclined to be generous to a post made in 2013 concerning this, when the pattern of discourse in fandom was a little different, than I would be reading a similar post now. perhaps that's unfair.

but I did link this specific post in several "why you should ship stoki" masterposts at the time, so if your read on this post is accurate then I feel very okay about taking it elsewhere.