#len is a character that is easy to get annoyed with

[ndostairlyrium]

BUONSAOR. (indovina che c'era per cena)

12, 15, 16 and 18 for everyone. Len included of course!

AHAHAH YESS 👌👌👌

E grasie *u*

12 - What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

Ummm Everything? Hahah I think it all comes down to differentiating one from the other, like, making them their own person rather than the same iteration of a flavor on different dishes. It's always a bit difficult to avoid being a helicopter mom with them :'D

15 - What is something about your OC can make you laugh?

Len: Whenever she does something that is clearly out of character, she tries everything in her power to hide it with no chance of success :' also she has 1T of cat vids downloaded in her cloud

Ela: She always hits the doorframe with either her forehead or the handle of her weapon

Kerry: His rivalry with Cullen. I just adore when they interact and I love writing that happen ;; we were robbed, really

Ankh: (why was this so hard to think of? lmao) Whenever I think of her in the battlefield, I just think of a cricket that turns into a spider that turns into a cat. That always cracks a good chuckle out of me :'D

16 - What is something about your OC can make you cry?

Len: Whenever she loses control and becomes so human it's pathetic. The way she loves, the way she suffers... she's not used to it, because everything has to go in a certain direction. The one she gives. Take this power from her, and you can see her crumble like a salt statue

Ela: She became exactly what she wanted to be, but at what cost? She's doomed, and it never kicks in until she sees how the blight (the taint? help hahah) affects the ones that she cares for

Kerry: I mean, have you seen Hawke's backstory? :'D In his case, he thinks it's all his fault, and his efforts are worth nothing. He feels so alone that he would do anything to avoid staying with himself for long periods of time

Ankh: She can win, but has she really won? She's a damaged item from the start, and even if she heals completely, she will end up like the same damaged item she was at the beginning

18 - What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

Len: She can handle a roast? A natural born comedian

Ela: Looks great in pastel colors 👀

Kerry: He looks very weird without a beard

Ankh: She's a hater when she's drunk

[sufferu]

Bravo to you for choosing not to let Rem be forgiven so easily. Honestly I've never been a big fan of Rem as a character, sometimes her endless pandering and obsession with subaru just really annoys me instead, and I've never understood people looking at her doing all that and then saying “Wow that's so hot I'm so jealous of Subaru!”

As for the ones who want her deeds to be easily forgiven by everyone, my personal guess is that they all only care about her body and the unheathy way she forces herself to act like the perfect waifu just for Subaru's sake, but subconsciously they can't stand the shit she did either, so they secretly want their favorite waifu to be a perfect being without flaws. But to me, isn't it essential to love a character and accept their flaws as well? They did wrong things, but there's no doubt THEY did them anyway, and that is part of what makes them who they are. Another thing is that forgiveness has to be earned, we're not cruel, coldhearted, or closeminded for not forgiving someone who hurts us. So I too agree with that anon who thinks WHDAA cast need to to beat some sense into Subaru on way too forgiving and tolerating the people who have hurt/killed him.

But now that you've decided to do that, beware of those rabid Rem stans coming after you and I'm worried that their harassment goes overboard and affects your personal life

I will say — I believe that Rem and Subaru’s canon dynamic is one of the most intriguing and multifaceted dynamics in the entire series. Their parallels regarding their insecurities and family members, their mutually codependent tendencies, the way they run the risk of becoming each other’s perfect enablers, the genuine sense of love and affection that runs parallel to the unintentional toxicity fostered within their relationship — it’s all really interesting stuff. In fact, exploring their dynamic through the lens of outsiders (including amnesiac!Rem) finally getting to peer under the hood is one of the main reasons I wanted to write a react fic at all.

As for why people like her — honestly, I think it’s kinda easy to guess? She’s a very cutely designed anime girl, she’s incredibly well-voiced, her insecurities are genuinely relatable, she’s got a super awesome oni power-up transformation, her morning star lends itself to some of the best choreographed action scenes in the series (or at least Season 1), she appeals to the whole “submissive maid” aesthetic that she knows Subaru finds attractive (and that also appeals to the target demographic of Re:Zero specifically, let’s be real here) — and frankly, there are so many scenes in anime where characters we’re supposed to like do fucked up shit that it’s not difficult to just…gloss over the whole “tortured the mc for several hours” part of her character. It’s understandable, especially if you’re not an insane person who spends all their time hyperanalyzing the anime they’re a fan of like I am. I don’t think it’s really that far of a leap for her to develop such a massive following, she was basically designed to be as popular an anime waifu as physically possible.

But then, that clash can become…a little uncomfortable if you’re writing a story where “Rem tortures Subaru” is a major plotpoint, and if you don’t want to reevaluate their entire relationship, it makes sense to find a way to just — get the characters to move along, much like a lot of the irl audience does.

But I really like toxic characters and angst and complicated relationships and all that fun stuff, so that’s what I’m gonna focus on. —Also Rem is WORSE in the LN. Girl starts fantasizing about whisking Subaru away while he’s practically comatose from shock (second Arc 3 loop) and then also makes a comment like “even if he had tried to assault her in her sleep, she knew she never would have resisted” like GIRL??? The idea of not tapping that insane well of potential drama is ludicrous to me lmaoo— especially because I really don’t care about maintaining the status quo ;)

(Also frankly, anyone who would start seriously harassing me over whether or not I share their opinion about a fucking anime girl is too pathetic for me to care about. I honestly don’t think I’ll get that big of a response — especially not on Tumblr “Gay Website” Dot Com — but even if I do…I don’t care, lmao.)

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Weird anon, here! I'm glad you're getting joy out of discussing a canonical straight man that the actor has confirmed is straight <3

Well for starters - we are talking about characters in a tv show. They are not real people, they do not exist in real life and what I and others choose to see in a character and in their arc - because we can read subtext and the clues the show is giving us is perfectly valid. Indeed the show and a character being talked about with a queer lens is a good thing on multiple levels.

Secondly - Eddie has never been confirmed as canonically straight - the show has never explicitly stated Eddies sexuality in canon - just because he has currently only dated women (as far as we know) doesn’t mean he’s straight. If they wanted to close down conversations and speculation about Eddies sexuality they have had ample opportunities to do so, but they have not for a reason - just remember Buck was in the same boat until 704 when he figured out he was Bi - ergo no longer straight.

Thirdly - the show is very good at exploring narratives around people figuring themselves out and finding themselves and their found family - later in life - Eddies journey happening now is in keeping with that narrative choice - Michael figured out he was gay in later life, Buck figured out he was bi later in life. Maddie had a second Chance with chin, Athena and Bobby found second chances later in life with each other, etc etc - it’s literally what this show does. So why should a large section of fandom exploring Eddies journey through a queer lens rile you up so very much? Why is the fact we’re are finding joy in discussing a characters sexuality annoy you so much when it’s hasn’t been confirmed in any particular direction annoy you so much - telling a story or unrepression through Eddie would be an incredibly valuable storyline - especially for a Latino man - Ryan has talked about machismo in recent interviews and wanting to break down those cultural norms and narratives through the characters he plays - so us discussing and speculating about Eddies arc being a queer one is perfectly valid. You don’t;t like it - block the tags and stop following people who do want to explore that aspect of a CHARACTER ON A TV SHOW - it really is very easy to do.

Also Ryan haas been using gender neutral pronouns when describing Eddies partners or possible future partners for a while - he has only referred to Eddie as heterosexual a couple of times - and specifically when Eddie was in a heterosexual relationship - so it is perfectly normal to use those terms. Oliver has said similar things in the past as well about Buck when Buck was dating women. So there is little to read into there - the actor is talking with the information they have at the time - but things can change - like I said - Ryan has exclusively been using gender neutral pronouns for a while (again much like Oliver started doing as well) and he has also said this in an interview;

‘I love the ambiguity of Eddie and that there’s connective tissue there - for queer people or not - to relate to and to fall in love and find themselves in who Eddie is. there is a vulnerability in Eddie, there is also a chaos in Eddie. there is so much realness in Eddie. And I love that there are so many fawns out there of all demographics that find themselves in Eddie.’

I Hope you enjoy tonight’s episode.

[knickknacksandallthat]

if you don't mind me asking, what got you into kevin's character?

for me it was actually your fic, but since its so normalized in the fandom to dismiss his trauma and call him a coward and annoying for doing things that other characters are loved for, i didn't really care about him when i first read the books

now hes my favorite

Oh, anon, I love this!! What an honor, I’m so glad to have helped you join the Kev lovefest 😊 (Welcome to the dark side lol!) It makes me so happy that the A Fallen Star series has awakened this in you! 💖

And wow, what a good question. I don't mind at all! I actually had to think about this for a while to try and remember…how the heck did I get here???

So here is my ridiculously uncalled-for POV on Kevin’s character and slow descent into madness below:

(Disclaimer that these are just my thoughts and anyone in the aftg fandom can hc or think whatever they like about Mr. Day 😊)

Like you, anon, I was easily swayed by Neil’s perspective of Kev on first read. It makes sense and is a credit to Nora how we so fully buy into Neil’s opinion of Kevin that many of us just run with it. And to be fair to the fandom, it’s canon – Andrew, Neil, and all the Foxes tell us he’s a coward and annoying and so we assume it must be true.

So, I created many fics that played into this image and focused on andreil. (Because who isn’t enamored with andreil??? Legit, deranged obsession and couple goals lmao). Using that lens, it was easy to make Kevin the punching bag because he is the quintessential “straight man” in comedy (and yes, I do hear the irony in that) – the foil to other characters to make them seem better, braver, funnier, smarter, etc. It’s an age-old trick/trope in fiction that works very well. And it was an easier transition for Nora to make, I think, once she made the decision to remove Kevin from the main narrative of her story.

This character setup works well enough when you’re doing a fic from Neil or Andrew’s POV, providing an easy source of humor to fall back on. So, for me, I think my thinking shifted once I started working on Flavors of Fall and delved into Andrew and Kevin’s storyline there. That fic forced me to think from Kevin’s perspective, and I found at the time I had a shallow understanding of what made Kevin tick. It totally threw me once I really started considering sequels for that fic and the 12 Day Program for Courtship, both of which have Kevin cast as a main character. I had to dive deep into his makeup, seriously considering his motivations, his likes/dislikes, his personality traits, his relationships, and how he would react in any given situation.

Because I was interested in his character development, I started delving into fics like orionauriga’s just pretend , @likearecordbb's Long Walk in the Woods, @thetrojeans daylights, sunsets, and @dayurno's the age of no regret series. They are all brilliant, fascinating character studies of Kevin Day and his relationships that are extremely well done. There’s many more, of course, but I was searching for fics that specifically delved into Kevin’s thought process and choices and stayed there a while.

That’s what led me to feeling like I needed to tell his story with Dead of Night. Of course, it turned into a larger series with my flavoring of Kerejean added because I’ve never been a huge Kevin/Thea relationship fan. (But that's a discussion for another day which you can start here and here for that adventure.)

Now all that I’ve described above gives you the mechanics of the descent – the when, the where, the how. But it crucially misses the why. What is it about Kevin that got me in the end?

Ironically enough, it was his potential.

I think when Nora stripped away any kind of romantic narrative (RIP Kandreil OR Riko/Kevin/Jean) or a chance for a tragic storyline (Kevin dying in the end) it resulted in removing a lot of Kevin’s emotional vulnerability. We don’t get to hear what he’s feeling or thinking unless it’s related to Riko, the Moriyamas, or Exy. This means his storyline is consumed by the stereotypical sports underdog story, with us following his rise to champion (which is still a powerful enough narrative on its own that shines even in the midst of Neil’s crazy plotline. Switching that racquet to his left hand in the championship game? Iconic.) 

However, it leaves us very much with a shell of a person. Kevin’s character outside of Exy is reduced to a handful of facts – there’s a passing comment on his like of history, and the stark evidence of an alcohol addiction as a coping mechanism. We’re told he used to dance. That he learned French because Jean Moreau taught him. That he has no qualms about taking (mild?) drugs (cracker dust). Despite how much we’ve run with it as a fandom, the only allusion I’ve found in the books to him being strict with diet is this section from The King’s Men:

“No one needs to eat this before a game,” Kevin said. “Eat some granola or protein if you’re that hungry.” “Hello, there’s protein in the peanut butter,” Nicky said. “Let go of me before I tell Andrew you’re outlawing chocolate. I said let go. You’re not the boss of me. Ouch! Did you seriously just hit me?” … “Kevin, just let him go,” Neil said. “It’s not worth fighting over.” “When our defense is sluggish, we all suffer,” Kevin said.

From what I can find in the books, Kevin never once denies Andrew eating ice cream. (Which I’m 100% able to admit I might have missed something so feel free to quote me where that scene is because I was totally searching for it). In fact, every time they go to Sweetie’s, it’s implied Kevin orders ice cream with them. In the infamous kissing scene in The King’s Men, we actually have proof that Kevin got ice cream:

Kevin still hadn’t messaged Nicky by the time they reached the ice cream aisle, so Nicky gave in and called him. Neil half-expected Kevin to ignore Nicky’s call, but Kevin wasn’t so sour with them that he’d turn down a free snack…Nicky grabbed spoons from the kitchen and distributed pints to their hungry owners. Neil checked his expression when Nicky came back from dropping Kevin’s off….

Now I do think it’s in line with his character and his upbringing to have issues with food, so I’m all for buying into that specific hc. But we have very little evidence of it in the text.

His personality is reduced mainly to anger, arrogance, or cowardice (all traits that don’t make us sympathize with him). The only facts we have about his Tragic Past™️ are two things: his mother’s death, and his hand injury. Everything else we assume is based on Neil’s knowledge of the mafia, Wymack’s hearsay, Andrew’s deductions, and Kevin’s reactions to Riko and Tetsuji. We have literally no idea what happened to Kevin in the Nest. His trauma and his time spent there is a complete mystery. The closest we get is Riko’s comment to Neil in The Raven King:

“I am going to love hurting you,” Riko said, “like I loved hurting Kevin.”

This, I think, is one of the main reasons many of the fandom “dismisses” Kevin’s trauma in comparison to Neil’s because we can’t see it. We don’t know what happened and we don’t get to experience it, so this lack of explanation or motivation leaves us only with very cold personality traits. We’re unable to root for him as a character because we can’t sympathize. We can empathize because we know Very Bad Things™️ must have happened in the Nest, but we don’t see them happen the same way we do Neil or Andrew. Even Kevin’s hand injury is old and “healed” when we’re first introduced to the character.

The only true canon moment where Kevin appears “human” is in The Raven King with Kevin’s “then run” and “you should be court” conversation with Neil. His admittance that Neil’s life is more important than Exy is instantaneous – he doesn’t even pause to throw his Exy dreams down the drain if it means Neil can survive.  In a weirdly parallel way, we see Kevin’s thought process implicit in his conversation: “at least you’d have a chance.” It is strikingly similar to Neil’s internal conversation of: one of us should make it. (And there’s another whole separate discourse I could get into on how Kevin and Neil are two halves of the same coin, but we’ll save that for another day.) But even the revelation of Wymack as his father has more shock value than true emotional weight – we never see what that conversation looked like or how either party actually reacted. (In some ways, I feel like Dan being pissed at Kevin is given more “screentime” than Kevin’s response to telling his father and how Wymack reacted.)

So with Kevin’s emotions and past firmly locked down, we’re left to brush off Kevin’s reactions (or lack thereof) as part of his indifferent personality. It is what it says on the tin. (And that’s not to say Kevin is a perfect character by any means. He has flaws just like every other character.)

Now some people very accurately depict and buy into those limitations as simply being Kevin’s character/personality – I’ve read some awesome fics where Kevin is Ace/Aro and/or on the spectrum. These are completely valid, extremely well done, and I could totally see why others see and write him this way. Canon practically sets them up for it.

For me, though, it circles back to our skewed view of Kevin given to us by some deeply loved but also deeply flawed characters (cough, Andreil). Those same characters that we’re told time and again not to judge them by their cover but to try and understand how they’re affected by (and make choices because of) their trauma.

While Andrew and Neil end up giving each other this grace through a hard-fought battle of truths and exchanges, they do not extend this same courtesy to Kevin, and neither are we given the chance to do so. We literally can’t because, again, we don’t know what the full extent of Kevin’s trauma is.

Kevin doesn’t talk about his time in the Nest to any character, meaning we know nothing about it. Ergo we don’t know what choices Kevin makes because of it. In The Foxhole Court, Wymack specifically tells us Kevin was Riko’s pet. In fact, there is so much specific language that Kevin himself uses around the concept of ownership, and that Nora uses when referring to him that it jarringly sticks out in the text.  He has no sense of personal space or proper boundaries, viewing people only as assets to be used for the good of the team, which at the very least is a sign of mental abuse. But the fact remains that we just don’t know. We don’t know how far this mental abuse was taken, how often or severely he was injured, if he injured or was forced to injure others – we don’t know.

But it’s obvious whatever happened to him started as a child and built from there. Which means he has years of abuse and power dynamics embedded into him. He has every right to be afraid. In fact, we are demonstrably told and shown often in canon that Kevin is afraid…but fear does not equate to cowardice. In fact, we know that bravery often means being scared and doing something anyway. And in many cases, that’s just what Kevin did (with a crutch named Andrew). But even before he entered his deal with Andrew, it's important to remember that even though he was brainwashed and beaten from a young age to understand that he would die if he betrayed the Moriyama family in some way, he left them.

This is always so significant to me because so many abuse victims stay in their situation thinking/hoping/praying it will get better – either because of an idea that their abuser will change (“they’re just having a hard time at work rn”) or that the victim will fix whatever flaw the abuser finds lacking. Or alternatively, they recognize the situation is bad, but they can’t leave because they feel like they have nowhere to go, no one who will help them, trapped by their lack of skills/contacts/money. In Kevin’s case, both situations rang true. And yet he left. He left, and in only a year and a half’s time he recovered from his injury and led his team to the championship.

But he is only at the start of his recovery. I think he’ll need years of therapy to recover from all that happened in the Nest. I think many of his emotional and social shortcomings are a direct consequence of that timeframe and he did not have the freedom to address them until the threat of the Moriyamas was removed. I do not think they are permanent parts of his personality – I think in time, he will be allowed to grow and recover and contribute much more to his relationships than he’s capable of doing at the end of The King’s Men.

Though the series finished, I think Kevin’s story is just beginning.

That’s why I think he’s fascinating to explore as a character. That’s why I love writing him right now because in many ways, his possibilities are endless. There’s so many opportunities to explore different facets of his story that we never get a chance to in canon. Kevin’s character and narrative is a tantalizing tease which many of us have fell hook, line, and sinker for. (Including yours truly.) We want to rabidly sink our teeth into it and shake it, like a dog with a bone.

So we do. 😉

Phew. Okay, that’s enough. None of what I’ve written above is new I’m sure to those of the fandom who have been here since the beginning or have become diehard Kevin fans. But thank you for letting me ramble in this ask, anon. Writing about Kevin has been a very fun and therapeutic adventure for me. So I’m so glad that there are others out there who are enjoying it too 😊

[oneweek-at-a-time]

underscores - wallsocket | you don't even know who i am, and how personal music is OR, the trans experience viewed through binoculars

music is something that, for a long time, wasn't important to me. it was an okay form of media, i had songs i liked when they came on the radio, but i never really cared for it. the most annoying, immutable fact about me, however, is that i got my love of music from osu! of all places, which to be both frank AND honest is about as bad as it gets. as time has gone on though, and both my love for music and media literacy have gotten substantially better, music has grown into.. everything for me. self expression, relation, emotional release, narrative satisfaction, music is this perfect form of art to me, made substantially more perfect by how subjective and personal it is (yes, all... one second... 130 of these words were just introduction!! and they're all important, i'll be testing ye about them)

as i've alluded to in my other post(s), wallsocket is an album that holds substantial weight to me. it's an outlet for my growing trans angst, it's allowed me to feel heavy , and has allowed me to process a lot of stuff going on in my head. today's song, you don't even know who i am, is the perfect example of just how subjective music is. the track is a large part of the wallsocket ARG, something i admittedly don't know a lot about, but from what i've gathered, it seems to be about one of the characters, Sonny, breaking into another girl's house, and as she describes, "...wore your clothes, took your pills, cried your makeup off". it's meant to be a song about a stalking relationship Sonny has with this other girl, the music video hints to as much, and like i said, is a major piece of the wallsocket ARG.

however, this is not what i get out of the song. i don't see a stalker, i don't see parasociality (is that a word? it is now), i don't see a tie to a greater story. to me, and what this song means to me, is a song about the negatives of being trans, specifically being in the closet, and, more personally, dealing with my dissociative disorder. it personally means so much more to me if you take the two people of the song (the "you", and the "i") and view them through the lens of being one.

the song begins (beginning, meaning to me, that there's no lyrics of substance before this point) quite slowly, taking an unorthodox 10 bars. i've talked about how much variance April's music takes to get started, how much it matters, and how much it adds to the song. here, it being such an odd length gives me these very cluttered, overthinking feelings, trying your damndest to get your head in order despite every single thought running through them.

when the song does get going, the repeating theme of the song starts, with the vocalist saying "i know", and then telling a hypothetical second person about compromising information they know about them.

"i know where you came from.

and i know who your best friends are."

and while it's very easy to see why this is a song about stalking, it's just as easy for me to see it as your "trans identity", or as an alter. it makes so much sense to me if you think about the person vocalising the song being someone who's in your body, instead of a separate person. there's various lyrics that tie that together for me, stuff that would be extremely difficult for a stalker to find out, stuff that makes more sense to me if you think about this "stalker" actually just being someone inside you, namely;

"i know what you're scared of.

and i know what your blood type is."

especially knowing about blood type, something that you'll definitely find out in life, but isn't really spoken about frequently, it instantly nails it in the coffin for me personally that it has to be about yourself, someone inside, another identity. i relate to this person both as a trans identity and as an alter, used interchangeably. and this song just seems to "get me." a lot of times during my transition i feel like i'm looking through a window, at the person i was, though at times i look at the person i am now, through the identity of who i was, and reflect on that. being trans isn't sunshine and rainbows. it's struggle, it's massive hardship, and it's terrifyingly easy to lose who you are. this song to me is a reminder, to myself, not to forget who i am, to not let myself become a mindless drone too disappointed with themselves to do anything. and in relation to my dissociation disorder, never to let the people in my head feel like they have a reason to be jealous of my life.

edit: want to add one thing quick; the whole ",,,wore your clothes, took your pills, cried your makeup off" line to me, and others, such as "i think i'm in love with the cards you were dealt" and "i know that i scare you. but i'm nowhere near the worst you've seen." can be re-contextualised as this sort of jealousy for an ideal version of yourself, of the person, striving to be something so wholly unobtainable. and, in a slightly more vain way, these lines tie me to my feelings of the song stronger, of it being another identity in your head. it's pretty obvious for dissociative disorders, but for transgenderism it's more complicated. there's a person looking out, seeing themselves living as their ideal gender and being jealous, but also this trans identity looking in, jealous of how simple life was before these thoughts crept in, became overbearing, and they realised just how hard living as their born gender is, and while they're happy to transition, they're living the gender they want to be, it's hard not to look back and naively think "i was happier" when in reality, things were just more simple.

this one was heavy chat, i do apologise!! but like i said, music is so, so personal, and my love for music is immense. combined, it makes it so i have to talk about it, write it down somewhere, and that place is here. feel free to disagree with me, find your own meaning in the music, that's what it's all about!! but if you choose my meaning, thank you.

i promise i'll do a happier song next time. i think im going to do these sort of introspective reviews of wallsocket in its entirety, then talk about other music/media that i love soooooooo subscribe for that!!!

[optiwashere]

Is there any part of baldur's gate 3 that you dislike? I know you enjoy the game, but most fans of the old games I see are very critical and you're one of the few that I've seen that seems to love it.

First of all, this is a very fun question, anon! Thanks 💜

Secondly, you're experiencing illusory correlation when you connect "previous BG fans" to "those that dislike BG3." It's further compounded by the fact that most people only get really loud when they're disappointed/upset, and the people that are happy tend not to post as virulently or constantly about said topic. Millions of people have played BG1/2 and then a good chunk of those folks went on to play BG3, so think about all the people you aren't seeing when you see a post like that.

Anyways, there are things I'm either bleh on, annoyed with, or dislike about BG3. I'm too old to expect perfection.

Some of the things I don't like:

Callbacks to BG1/2 like Sarevok and Viconia, though that is more WotC's fault than Larian's, and this goes double for Abdel Adrian being referenced at all in the game. Those books should have been memory holed.

The uneven nature of all the companions' stories. Some have tons of dialogue, reactivity, and the ability to let the player choose to give the companion the choice of how they handle things, with the player's own choices affecting the companion's decision. Others are in a semi-broken state (Minthara) or feel lacking despite being great characters (Wyll) that deserve those choices.

5E D&D is a bad system down to its bones. Its flaws are openly on display in the game; the only reason that the tactical gameplay feels any good is because Larian is very skilled at crafting memorable, enjoyable encounters and they hacked in a dozen different homebrews and house rules to make the damn thing feel any good. BTW, 2E AD&D was a mess for wildly different reasons and the old real-time w/ pause system is conducive to spamming filler encounters, so it's not as easy as saying "old game better" for me.

The lack of companion banter in Act 3 when compared to the previous acts. Hell, even Act 2 has a fair bit less than Act 1.

The way that some companions feel kinda hollow when you're not actively engaged in their romance. More platonic connection! One of my favorite scenes in the game is the platonic stargazing with Gale. Let me dance with Wyll without it being romantic, let me go on a friendly night on the town with Karlach, let me experience some of these scenes through the lens of friendship. I know that this is probably one of the more time-consuming tasks for the team at large, but it's one that I would love to see some day.

The character creator is lacking in body types, facial structure for various ethnicities, and a truly broad scope of what trans/non-binary bodies can look like. However, I'm incredibly grateful for what we did get and I will take one small step if that means it becomes more and more common in RPGs. I'll fight for more, but I will be happy with what we have in this game.

Is BG3 the bestest, most greatest CRPG of all time? No. Do I love BG3? Yes. Is it my favorite BG game? Ask me that question in ten years.

[gynandromorph]

if you’ve watched hunter x hunter, a question: what would idletry’s characters nen powers be if they could develop them? no omnipotence for jessie she just gets stupidly high potential

i have watched hxh, multiple times, but only exclusively while experiencing migraines so bad i couldn't think straight and would pass out and wake up and pass out again for hours at a time, usually a week or two straight... it had a decent amount of episodes, so it was easy to turn it on and let it run so i wasn't like, just laying there with super loud tinnitus assaulting my eardrums.

but, that is to say, i don't remember literally any of it, and scenes from it now have this surreal, dream-like, unpleasant quality to them because of the association for some reason?

i tried looking at the wiki for this and it's like a mile long. at the end of the day, jessie's powers are rewriting reality. more specifically, they are rewriting reality due to a profound unhappiness with the way things have turned out. whether that is unhappiness with the fact that things have to die for other things to live as a reality, or unhappiness with a slightly annoying quirk her partner has, it is fantasizing about the ways things could be BETTER through a critical, often outright hateful lens. whatever way that would fit w/the power system, that's what her powers would be, if it Can fit in it at all

[batsplat]

casey saw this as patronizing or whatever bc he grew up pretty isolated and physical affection was not something he was used to past a certain point in childhood……

https://www.tumblr.com/batsplat/764372520458715136/qatar-2007-cheek-caress-arm-around-the-shoulder-as

(here, also here) I am always careful not to get TOO deep into making assumptions about the non-motogp relationships of these guys, especially when it's anything related to parental dynamics... have seen some interactions with his father on screen provide evidence for this thesis, but also don't want to read too much into those. but, well. in any case. there definitely is something to this idea that casey is just like... missing out on forms of socialisation that are basically second nature to valentino, to the extent valentino isn't even thinking about them that much. which probably gives us two rather contrasting experiences of that particular moment

we know for a fact that casey was a bit bewildered by how his competitors reacted after winning races... not that he necessarily has a PROBLEM with it but what's up with all these elaborate pre-planned celebrations when you haven't even won a title... and it's so telling that he frames it as a european thing. because it's not!! it's a valentino thing that then a bunch of other riders (including obviously jorge, one of casey's peers) adopted for themselves. but fundamentally casey has this tendency to interpret a lot of his general isolation and loneliness through the lens of cultural alienation, as a way of explaining to himself why he feels so separate from the rest of the paddock, and then he uses valentino as his primary frame of reference for what europeans are like, and there's just a lot of conflating going on here... and suddenly we're getting to the point where valentino becomes very relevant to casey's general feelings of isolation

and I do have like. a hot take about 2007. which I can't fully substantiate, but it's just where I'm at with the evidence and the vibes right now. and it's that valentino really isn't particularly hostile towards casey that year. casey does talk about valentino making some remarks about him in the press that he doesn't like - but it really isn't easy to find what those remarks actually were. like, actual substantial criticisms. if valentino made some remarks with nebulously bad vibes, sure, they might have gotten lost in the mists of time - but if he'd said anything more dramatic than some mildly snide remarks, surely there'd be some record of it. there's only really reporting of casey feeling that valentino's tone towards him in the press has gotten less friendly... which is probably true! but it's also worth pointing out that casey is... uh. a sensitive character. that season, he was reacting with rather a lot of hostility to any suggestion that the tyre difference between bridgestone and michelin might be helping casey out. which valentino did say! but he was consistently framing it not as casey winning because of the tyres, but the tyre different not allowing valentino to compete with him. and valentino does switch tyres at the end of the year, so crucially he does put his money where his mouth is - he's not just complaining for the hell of it, and it's also worth pointing out that subsequent events 100% vindicate that decision. it's completely understandable that casey will have been annoyed by that... and yes, plenty of fans will have gone further in suggesting casey really only was champion due to the bridgestones and some corners of the press were definitely very annoying... but like. in the grand scheme of things, this is still pretty restrained rhetoric on valentino's part, right? it's stuff you can take offence to, but you are setting the bar rather low there

which leads us to the next issue... valentino doesn't completely blank casey like he does some of his rivals at the height of those feuds, he's still willing to engage in small talk and all of that. yes, it's entirely plausible valentino cooled off a little interpersonally towards casey, but. well. they were title rivals. that's kind of... fine? controversial opinion alert, I suppose. it's at the very least expected, surely. obviously valentino had just gone through an unusually warm title fight with nicky hayden et al - but for the most part, consensus opinion is that you're not really going to be friends with the guy you're competing with for the highest prize in the sport. and you sort of wonder how many interactions they could possibly have had before 2007 for casey even to use as a baseline. like, sure, they'll have known each other a little bit... casey's spoken about how valentino would chat to him about stuff not related to motorcycle racing, which is very sweet and all. but presumably we're talking a few pressers and paddock run-ins, right? nothing all that substantial

and if you take those facts together, add in that casey had considered valentino one of his idols... you've got valentino not opting for open hostility in 2007. the lack of any valentino comments memorable enough to still be available today. casey's sensitivity towards criticism. valentino's tendency to cool off towards direct rivals. that they were still friendly enough towards each other at the end of 2007. how there probably weren't many significant pre-2007 interactions. casey repeatedly complaining about how valentino had cooled off towards him in 2007. and of course, casey's long-standing isolation... well, it does leave you with an interesting picture. at a certain point, I do feel like all of this raises an obvious question: if valentino isn't actively insulting casey and isn't just completely blanking him, then why does casey even care if things have gotten a little more interpersonally chillier between them? why does it bother casey that valentino isn't speaking as much to him as before?

and that leads us back to qatar 2007. because my best guess is that valentino wasn't deliberately buttering casey up as much as he just sort of overshot on his default charm and left a little bit too much of an impression on this lonely kid who was having things go his way at last. valentino wasn't being patronising... he just acts that way when he loses races, whether that's his personality or an awareness that charming your opponents can be a healthy approach or a combination of the two. and yes, whether you want to attribute that to his european inclinations or having had a healthy social life - valentino isn't a stranger to a caressed cheek here or there to show his appreciation. and... well, I reckon initially casey was just extremely charmed by the whole thing. by one of his heroes chatting to him as an equal, by the god of the sport warmly congratulating him for his victory - the full force of valentino's charisma crashing into this undersocialised kid who'd been written off as a surly crash-prone loner who was a bit of a handful to work with... all the while, the commentary is informing us that casey doesn't smile a lot. that he isn't known for his drinking prowess, even! we're being actively encouraged to read the moments in parc fermé in terms of how casey doesn't tend to be either particularly sociable or particularly happy. and, well, if you barely have any friends in the paddock (ed: apart from chaz davies who does warrant a mention here - notably mostly gone from the paddock from mid-2006 onwards), if you're not close to anyone, if you're kind of short on chemistry with other riders... it does take on added significance if the valentino rossi of all people turns on the charm in your direction. and it makes it all the more painful if valentino later creates a little bit of distance in response to your budding rivalry

there's an element of casey overthinking things because he can't quite reconcile the idea that valentino can be so vicious towards him with all the friendly interactions they've had, so he ends up retroactively assigning valentino ulterior motives for all the time valentino was perfectly pleasant towards him. but that's precisely BECAUSE these interactions held a little too much significance for him... more, certainly, than they did for valentino. what european hasn't caressed the cheek of a few of their future nemeses, right. valentino practically tackled toni elias in parc fermé two races earlier at estoril 2006, like he's all over the guy all the way to the podium. (elias is actually cradling his cheek on the podium, so valentino's certainly no stranger to the sensation.) valentino certainly can be a... tactile bloke, let's say. whereas there's a serious possibility that this is the first time casey has gotten his cheek stroked by one of his fellow riders in parc fermé

so yeah. my theory is that casey did take valentino's chilliness to him exceedingly poorly in part because of how those early interactions actually meant quite a lot to him. so to casey, valentino's behaviour towards him stood out in a positive sense... he wasn't necessarily suspicious of the qatar 2007 interaction while it was happening - but casey's a suspicious character, and he did quickly grow wary of valentino. and valentino was still charming towards him at times, and a little colder on other occasions... just playing the game, really, no complex or thorny emotions for valentino to deal with in this particular rivalry. and casey never quite managed to reconcile these different sides of valentino - and it made him revisit all of valentino's behaviour towards him in an attempt to try and establish some sort of consistency. it's easier to believe that valentino was only nice to casey because he didn't take casey seriously as a threat, rather than accept that valentino might still be able to warmly congratulate casey even while plotting to destroy him. if you caress casey's cheek, you'd better not be planning to be mean about him later

[nanaminokanojo]

THAWING ICE QUEEN (part 30)

–one night of fooling around with the annoying campus king gojo satoru (he thinks so), turns into...well, something else more long term

CHARACTERS: gojo satoru x you | geto suguru | jjk characters

GENRE: college au | eventual smut | smau | smau + prose | everything in between | ons | fubus to lovers | aged-up characters | idk where this is going

⚠️ TW/CW: strong/mature language | 🔞 | mentions of alcohol, smoking, etc. | this will most likely have narrations | god-awful pet names | will add more if something arises

MASTERLIST | CHAPTER INDEX

<<prev part 30 next>>

A/N: This contains prose.

-

You and Satoru both dissolved into easy laughter amidst the distant chatter of their guests and the faint pink lights coming from the other side of the lake. He couldn't help the giddy feeling in his chest seeing you clutching onto the arm of his montsuki, eyes alight with mirth. The pair of you are far from the parameters of your agreement; just two friends, having fun under a fleeting canopy of rosy blooms...and maybe, just maybe, even beyond that.

Satoru glanced over his shoulder, wrenching his blue gaze from you. He took a moment to truly appreciate the view before him. He had gotten so used to it – seeing the sea of pink slowly taking over the cold white of winter. He had a private view of it, not having to go to parks like other people to witness it every year, but he never really felt anything profound about it until that moment. Sharing the view with you made all the difference.

"Do you like it?" he asked, voice quiet.

He heard your laughter, like chimes in the gently blowing wind. "That's an understatement."

Turning, he looked at you, beyond surprised to find you beaming at him. "Y-yeah?"

"Of epic proportions." 

Once again, he found himself admiring the view like it was the first time he was seeing it, but not the trees this time but you. He didn't know what possessed him at that time. It was spring then, too, and he knew he messed up when he asked if he could kiss you, and Suguru almost fell onto the sidewalk from laughing too much. But he had to save face and go along with it, and maybe that was a mistake considering how you've formed this impression of him that was far from how he wanted you to perceive him.

Funny how everything goes his way on anything except when it involves you.

Go slow, he thought. This was a step forward for him. At least you weren't just seeing him through a single lens seeing as how you reacted to his little surprise. He didn't really peg you for someone who appreciated the simpler things in life. If he knew you liked these things, then he would've done more of it to win you over.

He smiled to himself. And maybe it wasn't too late to actually start doing that if it meant he'd get to see you smiling happily because of him or something he did for you.

You sighed in contentment. "I love it. Thanks for having me over."

"You can come over anytime. Just say so."

You snickered. "Don't say that, or you'll be forced to take me here every weekend."

Satoru grinned back at you. "I don't see how that's to my disadvantage, sweet cheeks." He couldn't help being cheeky with you, but that seemed to have broken the spell of enjoying a great conversation with you. "I get to spend time with you."

"You're getting clingy, Gojo."

"Satoru," he whispered, his voice being carried away by the wind.

"Huh?"

"Earlier..." He looked at you, seeing the confusion on your face, and decided against it. "Nothing."

You smirked at him. "Yes, earlier, what was your mom saying? You mentioned me to her – how did she put it? – once or twice?"

Satoru rolled his eyes at you. "In passing, probably. She's making such a big deal out of it."

"Oh..."

"I...I didn't mean to make it sound like you're inconsequential, Y/N. All I'm saying is she likes to tease me a lot 'cause all I ever talk about are Suguru and Ieiri, and I guess I didn't realize that until she brought it up. I –"

"Satoru, you're rambling."

"Satoru?"

You paused. He didn't know what that meant, but he liked how you say his name outside of the times you were in bed. Just like you did earlier.

"You're too surprised when you asked me to call you by your name."

"So, you heard me?"

You nodded. "I guess it's better to address you that way if I am to come here every weekend." You chuckled. "I don't wanna be summoning the whole clan."

He felt his cheeks heating up, thankful for the dim lighting, and like the blood that rushed into his head, he couldn't stop the involuntary step he took towards you or the way his hands seemed to have developed minds of their own to cup your face. Not even the way he leaned forward and claimed your lips with his.

Satoru pushed you against the trunk of the cherry tree, planting one hand firmly against the rough bark just beside your head, pressing his warmth into yours.

It was just the two of you, or it felt like that to him, with no one else in your little bubble and nothing to worry about. He smiled against your mouth when he felt your fingers clutching at the fabric of his robe, taking it slow, taking all the time in the world with you.

Slow is good. He liked slow. It's worth it if it's you.

You both pulled away after a few moments, your lips raw and moist from the kisses you've shared, pupils blown out despite the lack of light. You just stared at each other before Satoru leaned his forehead against your shoulder.

"You know what?"

"What?" you asked.

He snickered. "I was supposedly conceived on this very spot." Again, he couldn't help it.

You rolled your eyes, already aware of what he's gonna say, but you bit the bait just that one time. "So?"

"Wanna make babies here with me?"

-

-

~*~

TAGS LIST: @arxliana @neeneee @charlie-xo @aelynaneedsalottathing @arizzu @cloudxp @justpuddinglol @mikkies @nyfwyeonjun

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20230817]

[lafzhaeshirin]

ten seconds

pairing: rafe cameron/reader warnings: vague depiction of a panic attack, implied harassment, drinking mentioned, minor reference to minor character death synopsis: holding hands with a stranger was the last place you expected this night to go, but here you are.

Oddly enough, the world seemed slower whenever you were on the verge of panic. 

Of course, other things accelerated. You were actively experiencing the symptoms of an engaged sympathetic nervous system, your heart rate and breathing quickening. Dread flooded your conscious thoughts. And yet you felt leaden, hips no longer moving in rhythm with those around you. You ceased being another body in the crowd, becoming instead a witness, seeing everything around you through a fear-slickened lens. 

It was only minutes before that Jackson’s gaze had captured yours, the feeling grating against you. 

No, never mind, it’s fine. You were being ridiculous. Right? 

The reason you made it out tonight, going through the trouble of a dress and a smile, was to forget it all. Leave it in the past, because everyone else had. Yet here you were, anxiety curling around your feet and quivering in your abdomen. 

He hadn’t done anything to really cross the line into harassment. But he had come worryingly close. And now you need to get very far away. 

Which proved difficult, considering just how packed the frat house was. You slipped in-between various gaps in the mass, making a dance out of your escape. Moving into the foyer, you had to squint to spot the exit in the dimmer lighting, speed walking once you found it. 

The screen door refused to unlatch easily, teasing you with a hint of the southern night breeze through its mesh. Breathe, breathe. You let your fingers still despite the subtle desperation fueling your movements. 

When you finally succeeded, the ache in your chest began to lessen. The clarity of the night was refreshing, all overwhelming sights and sounds softening with the distance. 

To your surprise, you weren’t alone. 

Rafe is the first thing you see when you step outside. His profile is bathed in the warmth of the incandescent lights overhead. It reflects off of him, off the darkness of his lashes and the glint of his curls. It’s almost amplified by him, making him entirely golden. 

The porch was small, a single wicker chair placed against the wall right where he was standing. And there was no one else in sight. 

On all the other occasions you had occupied the same space as him, there was always a degree of separation. Rafe Cameron was easy to admire from a distance. 

You knew to keep it that way. 

His back is turned to you, meaning you could make it by unnoticed, slip onto the street if you moved fast enough. 

Just as you advanced, a hand from behind you caught onto your wrist, jerking you back.

“Oh shit, sorry, I didn’t mean for it to be that rough.” The voice made your shoulders tense. It was him.  

Jackson had started as a friend but, as always, it never stayed that simple. “I was wondering if we might finally be able to talk,” he continued, “I have a lot to tell you if you’re ready.” 

You couldn’t help the way your gaze hardened. You had already given him your answer, yet here he was, asking again. You turned to face him fully. 

“I’m sorry if-” you stopped yourself, annoyed with the rate at which an apology had already melded itself into your words. You began again, trying to steady yourself. “I thought I was clear when I said I didn’t want to continue this conversation.” Your words were stiff, corporate in their tone, trying to convey just how much you wanted to emotionally disengage from this, from him. 

A ripple of anger crossed his face, frustration sharpening his eyes. 

“Look, I know that I fucked up,” you tensed, already frustrated by the pseudo-apology that was to follow, “I hate myself for it. When you asked for space, I thought I was doing the right thing by listening. But I now know that’s not what you needed.” It was your turn to sharpen. 

“It was the right thing! Listening to what I asked for was the right fucking thing, so can you please just do that for once.” You hated this. Hated the urgency in your voice, hated that he was able to still elicit a reaction from you. “Please, just stop.” 

He moved closer, unrelenting. “You don’t get to act like I’m some kind of villain. I don’t know what the others told you, but you’ve made up your mind without even giving me a chance to explain.” Your resolve was starting to waver, doubt undoing the certainty with which you said no. 

“Is there a problem here?” Another voice cut through the tension, reminding you that you hadn’t been alone on the porch. Looking over your shoulder, you see Rafe had moved away from the rail, standing opposite Jackson and you. 

Embarrassment burned in your chest, on the apples of your cheeks, at having yet another stranger privy to this situation. Rafe stared directly at him, appearing bored, brows low and eyes cutting. You had the distinct sense that being on the receiving end of that look would be quite uncomfortable. 

“We’re all good, man.” your former friend tried to be just as acerbic, failing to do so. Rafe shifted his gaze to where the other man gripped your hand, ever so slightly lifting a brow. Jackson’s grip instinctively loosened, enabling you to move your hand away, grateful for the release. 

“Mhm.” Rafe hummed, completely still. He was the picture of nonchalance, hands in the pockets of his slacks with shoulders curving inwards. It was disarming yet more intimidating than you expected. 

Jackson willfully ignored the tension. Looking at you once more, he motioned towards the street. “Come on, can we just talk?” 

You could feel your resolve continue to waiver, the way it had all the other times you tried saying no. Were you just being a bitch? Were you really the problem? Maybe if he just explained, then you’d be able to get over it. Maybe it was -

“She already said no. Multiple times. You should listen to that.” His words were dripping with condescension, the kind he was so well-known for. Rafe was still the picture of calm, but the air had changed. This was no longer a casual inquiry. Rafe was imposing, intensifying the situation. 

You could tell Jackson was on the edge. You almost relished in it. 

Your former friend looked at you again, but you refused to meet his stare. The next few minutes were silent before he acquiesced. 

“Fine then.” Muttering, he makes the quick escape you had been planning for yourself, shrugging off into the darkness, hurt. Your heart tinged, guilt bubbling up to replace the pressure that had overtaken you. 

Once again, you felt the onset of panic. Your first thought was to get out of here as fast as possible. 

Of course, not without addressing Rafe first. “Ah sorry about that -”

“You aren’t the one that needs to apologize.” His voice destabilized you, putting a kink in the familiar script you were about to launch into. 

“Yeah, no right, sorry,” you almost bite your tongue, apologizing so quickly again, “I really appreciate you checking in.” 

“No problem. Everything okay there?” You both were standing face-to-face now. 

“Yes, definitely, just a weird little scenario, but we’re all good.” Except you weren’t. Every time you saw him, it’s like you were covered in grease. Covered in the things he said, the things he implied, in the absolutely shit way he made you feel. It didn’t help that he was a small, contributing factor to what had been one of the most difficult years of your life. 

You cleared your throat, giving him a sheepish smile, face tight and eyes dull, before moving to leave. “Thanks again for asking and everything. I’m gonna head out, but seriously, I really appreciate it.” 

Of course this is when your body decides to lose all equilibrium. Tripping over an unruly plank on the porch, your knees hit the ground. Oh God. 

In an instant, his left hand is hovering by your shoulder, his right parallel to you, an offering. He’s wrapped around you like wings, paying mindful attention that he’s not touching you without you touching him first. 

The self-recriminating thoughts came like baseballs in a batting cage. Your legs stumble as they lift you and then carry you to the wicker chair, movements too sluggish to take you anywhere else. 

You’re only aware of Rafe in your periphery, busy trying to catch your breath instead. God knows what combination of factors were making you react this way. The shit week you had, the edible you nibbled, the homesickness persistently nipping at your heels. One way or another, this was taking you down. And worst of all, you had an audience. 

Your thoughts are too fast and too slow at the same time, the hyperventilation progressively getting worse. You’re shrinking into yourself, spiraling and spiraling. Anyone could see whatever had you in its grips was only building up to a crescendo. 

“You need to ground yourself,” you can’t hear him fully, too lost in your head. “Here,” he says, placing his hand directly in your sightline, “hold my hand.”

“What?” You’re incredulous. This isn’t happening. 

“You definitely don’t have to if you don’t want to. But it’ll help to ground you. I promise, no ulterior motives.” His voice is genuine, you know he means it. And so you do.

Enveloping your hand in his, your thoughts now veer to the warmth against your skin, the pressure of the affirming squeeze he gives. 

“One Mississippi, two Mississippi,” you’re slow to process this new development, but the surprise that he counts seconds with Mississippis like a 1st grader might be enough to snap you out of this completely. 

By six, you’re counting with him. At ten, he stops and squeezes your hand again. You let go, a little twinge in your heart at the loss.

“Thanks,” you say, mortification coloring your words. None of this felt real. You, holding hands with Rafe Cameron? God really does have a penchant for surprise.

You look at him at last. You almost have to tilt your head completely back to get his full frame. Eyes watering and red, nose sniffling pitifully, you don’t even try and imagine what he sees. The shadows across his face obscure most of his expression. 

He’s by the side of the chair, now crouching down slowly so that he’s eye-level with you. “God, I’m so sorry,” You laugh nervously, trying to dispel the self-consciousness that’s settled in your bones. 

“What’re you apologizing for?” From his lips, it sounds like a genuine question. You don’t respond, the quiet between the two of you strangely peaceful. He breaks it a few seconds later. “Is there anyone you’d like me to call?” 

It’s funny, you feel like a kid lost at a metro station. “No, no I’m okay,” another smile, your sympathetic nervous system shot to hell.  He pauses, gazing at you with a gravity you can’t place. 

“Would you like me to leave or … stay?” He sounds uncharacteristically cautious. If you didn’t know who you were talking about, you’d almost say shy. Here arises the instinctive dismissal, the one that keeps in line with your desire to not demand more than you’re worth. 

“Please don’t feel obligated to stay, I should probabl-” 

“I’d like to stay. If that’s alright by you.” The silence between you two was cinematic, so quiet it seemed artificial.

“Okay,” and then, “thank you.” He’s still crouched by your knees. You scoot, the wicker chair just barely big enough for two. “Please, that doesn’t look very comfortable.”

“I’m not sure the chair wouldn’t be much different with the both of us.”

“Your knees would reject that claim, I think.” You laugh in that way people do after crying, relieving the tension a sniffle at a time. He makes a show out of acquiescing, slightly bowing before sitting next to you. You give him another sliver of a smile. You’re a bit taken aback by this Rafe Cameron. You’d heard that he had reformed, no longer holding court with his old coterie. He made appearances here and there. However, he bared little resemblance to the volatile character you’d heard so much about.

“Would you like to talk about it?” You tense a little and he gets it without you having to say anything. The silence continues to twirl in the air, but it feels warm and full. Remarkably, you feel comfortable. 

“This night has been-”  

“When I was a ki-”

“Oh-”

“Wait, please, keep going, ”he says. You go back and forth, politely pushing the other to speak and he finally relents. Taking a deep inhale, he starts again. “I was a really anxious kid,” he says, looking off into the warmly lit street. “Constant panic attacks, scared the shit out of my parents.” He drums his fingers against the armrest and you try to project as much nonchalance as humanly possible.

“My mom, she,” he chuckled at the memory and your heart warms, “she started doing this thing whenever I’d get too overstimulated. She’d give me her hand and ask me to come back to earth, like I was an errant astronaut. And then we’d count, until I could breathe again. Ten seemed to be the magic number.” You aren’t sure what to say. What to make of him sharing something this personal. You want to be skeptical, not easily swayed, cautious the way you’ve learned to be around men. But you are being swayed, guided back down to earth by his act of vulnerability. 

“That’s lovely,” you look into his eyes when you say it, wanting to show how much you mean it. He looks back, only for a second, before smiling down at the ground. 

“Yeah, it was.”

You see him around a few times after that, in flashes, always from a distance. Neither of you acknowledge the other. You were strangers, after all. Yet you couldn’t help but take more notice of him. 

Your encounter eventually faded to the recesses of your memory. Until months later, when it was brought to the forefront of your mind, at a park bench of all places. It was tucked away in the nature reserve close to campus. Surrounded by flowers and brush, it was hidden from view in an alcove of leaves and petals. You honestly thought other people didn’t know about it. Until today, when you see Rafe Cameron there, in a black suit with red eyes. You’d heard about his friend, it was a regional tragedy. The funeral must have been today.

It takes him a few seconds to notice you there. “Hi,” the air is thick with summer heat and tension. Should you stay or go? 

“Hi.” He’s blunt and you don’t want to push things, but then his expression cracks and he puts his head in his hands. You decide then that you’re going to stay. 

“Can I sit down?” Rubbing his face, he looks back up and nods, his eyes so tired it strains at your heart. Here you both are, once again side-by-side in silence. And then, you remember. “Ten seconds?” 

The surprise lightens his expression a little. “Okay,” he says and then, “thank you.” His hand is warm in yours, and you both start. 

“One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…”

[incorrectcoldflashblog]

Legends or the Flash, you pick!

Hi, friend! Thank you so much for the ask <3

I picked Legends. Under a cut because I used a ton of gifs, lol.

Favorite Female Character:

Zari 1. (I liked Zari 2, just not quite as much.)

Favorite Male Character:

(Duh!)

3 Other Favorite Characters:

And more! Kinda hard to pick only three honestly.

3 OTPs:

Notp: 

Captain Canary. Would not care one bit if it was a fanon thing but as Len’s canon ship? Big nope, wish they hadn’t wasted our time with it.

Funniest character:

Ava for sure. High-strung characters like Ava are basically designed to be comedic.

Prettiest character:

He is my pretty little princess.

Most Annoying Character:

Gary, maybe? He’s supposed to be annoying, but he’s also better in small doses.

Most badass character:

Sara, definitely.

Character I’d like as my BFF:

Excluding Zari, then Behrad for sure. He’s so chill, I feel like he’d be so easy to get along with.

Female Character I’d Marry:

Zari Tomaz.

Male Character I’d Marry:

Ehh, none of them? As much as I love Len, I don’t think I’d want to be married to him. Maybe Ray if it means I can also marry Nora XD

Character I hate/dislike/least like:

Does Carter count? I don’t have super strong dislike towards any of the regular characters tbh. Maybe that Bishop guy that’s played by Tala Ashe’s husband?

Leave a Fandom in my Ask

[snellyfish]

Angie is so interesting from a morality perspective because while her ideas (that the need to escape is fueling the murders and that having some sort of order will help prevent murders) were largely good, she went about them in the most fucked up way. and I love that about her! it's such a cool character type where you're like "yeah I see what you're going for there's definitely logic in— aaand your morals are fucked"

plus she makes such an excellent foil to so many characters that exploring her through a relationship (platonic or romantic or anything else) lens is super fun

*holds Angie* I just think she's neat

100%!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I WANT YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!!

I just braindead watched 2 movies in the most overstimulated autistic way so I'm really bad at wording right now forgive me if I'm incomprehensible--

Her motives and reasonings (or as I perceive them) are soooo interesting to me and it sucks that people ignore her and brush her off because she's just Annoying, like yeah she wasn't meant to be outwardly likable and was absolutely batshit, but I understand her thought process and it's just not the kind of character I see very often. Like, yeah, she is annoying, this however does absolutely zero to distract from how unique but believable her characterization is!!!!

People just want cookie cutters of their favorite popular tropes of relatably flawed characters who are wholly good and easy to read, which is fine, obviously! They're popular characters for a reason! But I find that they're the easiest to enjoy and because of this characters with genuine out of the box creative ideas and concepts get SO stomped over. Angie is fucking weird! That's the point!

No interaction with her will ever be normal and that's what's FUN!!!!

And STILL, at the end of the day, she's still a relatable human being underneath it all if you dig deep enough with your little puzzle pieces; she's soooooo mmgngngngn SHAKING HER VIOLENTLY

[commsroom]

I have DID, and a lot of my system feels very represented in Hera's character, for various reasons. Do you have any thoughts on viewing her character through this lens (or through the lens of any dissociative disorder)? (Side note but your takes on her character are always so interesting! I always get excited whenever I see one of your really long hera posts. The way you articulate things is really nice too.)

oh, interesting! i don't have DID, so i wouldn't want to make assumptions or speak for your experiences, but i would be curious to know your thoughts! and you're welcome to DM me, if you want to talk about it, but would rather not put it out there publicly.

i can talk a bit about how i feel her experiences reflect more general dissociation and depersonalization? she's had to develop a strong sense of interiority; she exists sort of 'within' her own mind, feeling separate from and like she can only observe the 'real world.' whatever tangible actions she can take are by proxy, not things she feels she's directly interacting with. there are the literal mental blocks keeping her from accessing traumatic memories, and the servers full of information that are - in a sense - part of her, directly accessible via her thoughts, but not known to her until they're accessed and processed through memory. and then there are things she can't think about, not even because they're traumatic, but because an external party decided she wasn't allowed: "do you have any idea how annoying it is to get kicked off a thought when you're halfway through having it? now i'm going to have a headache for the rest of the night." ... like, that perceived artificiality of the self and lack of autonomy and control in relation to others is something that i emotionally understand.

a lot of my fixation on the idea of hera having a body comes from a place of disconnect and desire to reconcile with that; it's cathartic, in a way, to explore what it means to have a body from the perspective of someone who has no physical history, no sense of place, or really anything that 'identity' often stems from. i think so much of just feeling like a person is in having other people respond to your presence, and when there's such a disconnect between who you are and how you're perceived - or when there's no one to perceive you at all - it's easy to feel like kind of a non-entity, and out of step with the people around you. i also find certain ways of thinking about the brain + body as a computer + machine useful in processing certain types of actions and reactions, especially in, like... the opening of persuasion; 'mindfulness' on its own doesn't do much for me, but the way hera has to adjust her thought processes to sort of re-teach herself to purposefully do one task at a time instead of everything at once - "relearning the way [she listens] to what's in [her] head" - resonates with me. i don't know if any of these experiences overlap with what you had in mind, but i'd be curious to find out! i think part of what makes her such a great character is that these are very real things that anyone with difficulty feeling present, who feels that the world is in some way uniquely inaccessible to them, who has a complicated relationship with a sense of self due to that disconnect, will understand on a very personal level, especially in relation to trauma and traumatic injury / disability.

(and thank you so much; that's kind of you!!)

[tio-trile]

OKAY SAME ANON sorry this is the third one,, but im going thru the rest of your asks and im realizing so many things.

I agree, a show SHOULD be able to stand on its own as an individual thing rather than counting on a sequel to continue its story. Now that I'm looking at the show in this lens, it is very lackluster. I still do quite love it, scratches that slice of life itch,, but mystery wise? No. I loved how ominous the "Everyday" song was. I thought it was supposed to foreshadow Armageddon (which it did, kind of) but more so it was for the Beel Gabriel reveal in the end. Aziraphale ran around looking for clues, but the annoying thing for me is he never puts it together? It was just something he does for US, the audience. It would've been good if he acknowledged all those clues in the ending, or realized it faster than us. In the end it seems so fruitless for him to investigate bc it never really did him any good? It was just for the audience to see. Also the Nina--Maggie subplot was cute, but it was also lacking? I like the point of "you cant force us together" bc theyre humans and its not that easy. But as a subplot it was waaay too ignored for it to be any relevant at all to the plot.

The thing about you mentioned abt A/C being supporting charas in the book, I agree. The good thing abt their dynamic is even with little clues and gestures we realize how good they are w/each other. The subtlety is what makes everything MORE interesting. But s2 makes it revolve around the ship, to the point where its all just filler. I dont mind filler,, but as you said, canon-compliant filler would be better. I appreciate that they're the main characters now since more screentime but I'd love it if they weren't ship-focused and still had proper interaction and dynamics with people outside of their circle (which I liked from the book + s1).

Anyways,, I still like it. But I appreciate seeing your takes since it really changed the way I view the show now. I feel more neutral about it now somewhat? I'm not invested in fandoms anymore bc of irl stuff so I don't think I would've spotted these things like you did so I really, really appreciate all your insights. Thank you. There's a lot of things to fix if s3 ever gets announced.

I think Neil mentioned that Terry brought up the "Everyday" song as a song about the Apocalypse (the book or S1), which could have been so good and ominous......instead it got used on this random Beelz x Gabe romance that came out of nowhere 😂😂 I thought the Nina x Maggie romance had potential in the beginning, but also completely fell flat/didn't go anywhere towards the end. Again, my takes are NOT trying to convince people who liked the show that they should change their opinions and NOT like the show anymore -- I'm just trying to explain why I personally didn't like it. Feel free to enjoy it as much as you can! Unfortunately I had way too much insights about it for it to be enjoyable for me 😂😂

[veliseraptor]

Hey Lise, I know this is asking you to harken back to your MCU days but did you ever come across a meta post that was like, "we shouldn't compare Loki and Bucky's trauma; Loki's trauma is much more like Steve's pre-serum trauma and look at how ✨awesome✨ Steve is and how he dealt with that same trauma? Loki has no excuses!" Because I did and it still makes me mad to think about to this day.

If I'm remembering the post you're thinking of properly - and I definitely may not be, I could be thinking of a different post entirely (the staple of "compare the antagonist's trauma to a protagonist's trauma, comment on how the protagonist handled it sooooo much better and how that indicates that the antagonist deserved what he/she/they got, because the way somebody handles trauma is determinative of their goodness or evilness as a person" is a recurring tradition across time and fandoms, I'm sure there are multiple posts), that's not actually what I got from the one in question? perhaps it was just my lens, but (again, if I'm thinking of the same post), I recall it being relatively morally neutral, or at least more about looking at the ways in which "actually while the easy comparison is loki and bucky due to the position they occupy in the narrative, loki and steve have more in common in some ways and that's interesting" and I read it as, personally, a bit of a stoki manifesto.

like, "actually these characters people don't tend to associate/look at together have some very interesting parallels! isn't that neat?" more than anything coming with a moral judgment.

but getting this ask made me go back into the depths of my blog (truly, the depths) to track down the post I'm at least thinking of, and remarkably enough actually managed to find it (given that the post in question is from 2013), and...reading it from the perspective of Fandom Discourse in 2023 I can definitely see what it is you're saying, and I think if I saw it in Fandom Edition 2023 that's probably how I would read it, too, and get annoyed about it. but looking at it from the perspective of where things were at that time, before the great villain/victim discourse of Winter Soldier kicked in, I actually feel a relative minimum of judgment from the post? Like, it does describe the different choices steve and loki make in response to their experiences in positive/negative terms, but it doesn't then progress to (at least in my reading) "and that's why loki is evil and NO EXCUSES" (Fandom 2023 Edition), but stays at just...letting it be about divergent character journeys coming from similar-but-different places? idk.

like, at the very least this one acknowledges that the "bad" character was genuinely hurt and having an understandable emotional reaction. which is not necessarily something one sees these days.

idk. maybe I'm being too generous. but then, I am more inclined to be generous to a post made in 2013 concerning this, when the pattern of discourse in fandom was a little different, than I would be reading a similar post now. perhaps that's unfair.

but I did link this specific post in several "why you should ship stoki" masterposts at the time, so if your read on this post is accurate then I feel very okay about taking it elsewhere.

[kafkaoftherubble]

然后一个星期后，Atom这电脑终于回来了

Well, it's not like it wasn't busy since last Wednesday. It was Wesak Day! Traveling into the city for the procession—the perfect excuse to ramble in the city, at night, without fear of cars—was sweet. Wanna go again next year! Even if it killed the legs!

Future Lyns, you know where the folder for this particular event is, right? It's in the 2024 folder. "Port to Kyle Hyde."

Previous You had written this travelogue called the Wesak Day Picture Book on Discord for Their Princeliness, so I don't really need to reiterate the process anymore. The memories should already be easy to recall based on the photos alone!

Here are some teases:

Really wondered just how much the Buddha and his Sangha wandered around back then. No wonder the guy could get into shape despite sitting around a lot.

-------------

Mom left by Thursday night for Wawa's wedding on Saturday; Lyi came to stay from Saturday till Sunday. On Friday you walked a pretty long distance too, despite the legs hardly recovering from the procession, to get Atom from the repair guys.

It was a whole marathon of tea, Jujutsu Kaisen, and video games on Saturday night. Then it was karaoke on Sunday afternoon because Lyi slept until noon. Typical.

You actually sang a pretty diverse selection of songs this time! Even Kuch Kuch Hota He! You should practice that more often! And you did plenty well on your usual songs, to be honest. 《夜上海》、 《夜来香》、《春风吻上我的脸》、《打鱼忙》等等。Your A Cruel Angel's Thesis has improved! You should find a famous Korean trot song to learn. Oh, hopefully, a new Hokkien Enka. And Japanese Enka too, if the karaoke room is capable... It was hard to find English 1940s jazz songs, ya know?

Have to start slowly working through the zine applicants.

While Atom was away, you actually started making an art piece (Rigless Prince has a way of brute-forcing their encouragement)! It's for one of the best things you have ever discovered in 2024: The Summer Hikaru Died.

To be honest, I really wanna work on that thing above anything else... even making notes on the zine applicants! I don't even know why; zine stuff is far more pragmatic than that thing.

I also REALLY wanna write a ramble with citations about the latest Jujutsu Kaisen chapter, because seeing only a certain side of commentaries going dominant among readers really annoyed us. I think they misunderstand quite a bit of the narrative—the sort you get when you aren't used to analyzing the story through other valid perspectives aside from your default, broad-brush pop cultural lens.

Jujutsu Kaisen, again, has a lot of Buddhist philosophical influence despite not making it a centerpiece. Understanding the characters and narrative through a Buddhist lens isn't me offering an alternative, but ultimately ornamental, allegorical look that bears lesser significance in your assessment—I'll argue it's actually one of the important angles to look at the narrative. And right now, there are precious few people who are looking beyond their gut reactions and Gege-hate meme-ing to realize that this chapter is one of the better ones Gege has written for a long time.

Sigh. Looks like we have quite some work ahead of us.