#leia being the most badass to ever exist on either side of the galaxy

[purrvaire]

From the chapter:

“Hang on”, she says slowly. Luke looks guilty as charged.

“You mean to tell me, that neither of you buffoons has remotely thought to do the reasonable thing and ask his number?”

“What’s that got to do with me?” Han protests. Luke just bangs his head on the table. “Because”, he hears his sister say. “My idiot brother doesn’t know how to think clearly in these situations. Have you met him, Han? Have you?”

“When you put it like that…”

“Not even his Facebook?” Leia insists.

“Does anyone still use Facebook under the age of 50? Don’t answer that”, Luke says hastily. “And, what do you take me for? Obviously I’ve already looked for him and found nothing.” “Instagram?” “No luck.” “Twitter?” “Doesn’t seem like the type.” “Well, shit”, Leia says. 

part 2 is up, sillier than ever and THIS TIME featuring the skywalker family shenanigans at full force!!

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

After that gorgeous sequel rant, would you be willing to share your thoughts on reylo?

Ugh.

Once again, that is the most succinct, easiest, answer I can supply. But it's so short, and that just won't do.

I mentioned in a recent post that Dramione comes in a myriad of disguises. Every fandom usually has at least one Dramione ship, you can usually guess which characters the ship will consist of, and while you might not be able to articulate exactly what about it makes it so damn similar to Dramione you will recognize it on sight.

Usually, to me, a Dramione ship features a strong, independent, female lead who may be varying levels of sexually empowered, varying levels of intelligent (Hermione loves to tell us how smart she is but it's not the heart of the ship), is strong, courageous, and noble who depending on the story du jour might slide into depravity.  The real give away is her love interest, always a man, usually a young man of comparable age, who has the bad boy appeal that's not too bad boy where he often is redeemed to the good side for 'reasons' in the course of the story.

Reylo is such a Dramione pairing.

You don't believe me? Look at the authors who write it, I haven't done this too often myself, but I guarantee you that a not small majority of them will either write Draco/Hermione or will have it all over their favorites and bookmarks. It's the same damn pairing.

But worse.

Because Kylo-Ren and Rey aren't really characters.

"Whoa, hold up!", you say, "That's just slander and uncalled for!" Well, change my mind. Rey Palpatine and Kylo-Ren are a series of character tropes and archetypes thrown to us by Disney screaming "LOVE MY CHARACTERS".

Rey is our noble, very Luke like, hero who is a scrappy desert rat with overwhelming mystical powers only acknowledged when the movies feel like acknowledging them (guys, admit Rey kicked Kylo-Ren's ass every time they fought with 0 training, come on, it's not hard).

However, there is nothing underneath her surface. Her hero worship of the resistance feels dull and given to her because it's expected. Of course Rey likes the resistance! The resistance is great! Sign her up! Rey has been living in the desert at the edge of nowhere for presumably 15 years, I'm shocked she's even heard of the new republic let alone the resistance. Despite essentially starving and only having a home that's a broken down old fighter, Rey saves a random droid. We're not really given a compelling reason of why she would do this, that she has a deep respect for droids/is horrified by their use, really really really hates the random trader she sells things to, or really really really hates the empire (if she even realizes it's them behind the bounty). She does it just so that a) the plot keeps moving b) to show Rey is... noble... I guess?

Remember that even Luke (who I have some problems with as a character) started his journey with more backstory and personality than this. Luke loved the empire and desperately wanted to become a pilot. He was very put out that his aunt and uncle kept saying, "Uh, no, bad idea." Luke was ready to skip town and sign on up for flight academy, he just got distracted by pretty women, er, his sister.

So, Rey is never given a compelling reason to do any of the things she does in the series. Just vague feelings of hero worship. And, of course, the drama over her parents. Just... I feel like Disney took out a hat, put a bunch of pieces of paper with words on them, and drew out the one that said "orphan angst about parents" and said "See, now she's conflicted! What a character!"

So yeah, Rey is your cardboard generic hero who is so generic she's not even a person. She has no hopes, no dreams, no fears, just these vague things we're told as an audience she cares about but never shown in any legitimate manner. Rey likes the resistance and rando droids, Rey imprints on Han Solo as the father she never had, Rey has this thing about her parents, Rey is attracted to Kylo Ren.

And that last one, oh boy that last one. It sold me less on the attraction to Kylo Ren than... oh... I don't know... Palpatine's secret Sith planet of doom. I mean, we all saw it coming, The Last Jedi it was very clear where that was going and then Abrams went for it even harder. But what we had was a series of skype conversations where Rey went from "Gr, you killed my pseudo father!" and Kylo-Ren responding, "Yeah, well he was my real father AND HE WAS SO MEAN" to "Oh Ben, I will fly to you through space and we shall save the galaxy together!"

I am given no reason to believe Rey's change of heart. Han Solo's death just suddenly... doesn't really mean much to her anymore (the man was murdered by his son in cold blood so that his son could feel better about himself). She believes Ben Solo is good now because Luke is a dick (never mind that, no matter what a dick Luke is, Ben Solo still murdered dozens of children and then went on to gleefully massacre his way through the galaxy). We're told there's a Force Dyad, which is um... not this thing the writer's made up because they were too lazy to convince me that Kylo-Ren and Rey would end up together in any organic way.

So, yeah, why does Rey like Kylo-Ren? Because the Force told her too? Because it was somehow all Snoke's fault in a way that's never properly described? (Indeed despite us spending quite a bit of time on Kylo-Ren's decision to remain Kylo-Ren being a very internalized thing) Because we saw him shirtless in yoga pants this one time?

It's bad when that last is actually the most legitimate reason I can think of out of the whole lot.

Now let's go to Kylo-Ren. If Rey is boring and nonsensical then Kylo-Ren is a dumpster fire and non-sensical. The guy reminds me a lot of Commodus from the film "Gladiator", the man is cowardly, vile, and murders his father in despair that his father never will be capable of loving him/passes him over for the throne. Kylo-Ren's murder of Han Solo is extremely similar to the murder of Marcus Aurelius in "Gladiator". Han Solo is a flawed father, trying to make his peace with his son, who approaches him unarmed and Kylo-Ren decides to murder him in order to solidify his place in the dark side.

Only, the films never acknowledge that every action Kylo-Ren takes is horrifying.

We're told "oh, Kylo-Ren exists because evil Snoke corrupted him" but also shown repeatedly that Kylo-Ren chooses the darkest path again and again and again. He "struggles with the light" but I don't see it. His opening scene, he has massacred a village and is torturing a man for information (this is presumably a daily routine for him). In the same film he later tortures Rey for information. He serves on a Death Star which wipes out billions in an instant. He murders his father to feel good about himself. He dresses as a man who was reviled and feared throughout the galaxy, a man who murdered countless children, and a man who dressed the way he did because he was barely hanging onto life, because Kylo-Ren thinks it makes him look like a badass. Think about it, this is like if a fully abled Kylo-Ren is wheeling around in a wheel chair, perfectly capable of walking, because he thinks that Professor X is so cool. Now, replace Professor X with Hitler, this is what the movies gave us.

Yet, the films seem to take it for granted that Kylo-Ren is a redeemable character. He's just lost and misguided, he's really struggling with the light and dark side! They don't just tell us this over and over again (which they do) but also just assume we know it.

And base the entire Reylo pairing off of it. Reylo believed Kylo-Ren could be redeemed, they battle Snoke together, then Kylo-Ren stabs her in the back and continues the assault on the Resistance and asks her to be his Dark Queen (TM). Reylo is shocked and appalled, I'm just wondering what movie she thought she was watching, because that was coming a mile away.

Later, when Kylo-Ren is redeemed, we're never given a reason why it happens. Leia just gives him a nagging, one word, phone call and then Han Solo shows up to go, "Ben, are you going to do the right thing?" and Ben goes, "Mumble, grumble, fine" because there's only an hour left in the last film.

Kylo-Ren, like Rey, is the writers' desperate attempt to create a compelling anti-hero with all the anti-hero sauce we love. They just won't admit they made an overgrown genocidal toddler.

Wow, this turned into why I hate both Rey and Kylo Ren, but, uh, back to the ship. Basically, the films give me 0 reason to ever believe it, and even if I wanted to, even if I said "Alright brain, let's make these characters real people for once", I still wouldn't like it. Because the ship itself is just as flat as the characters. It's spicy but not too spicy bad boy gets together with strong female lead.

I know a lot of people enjoy this, and I won't say it's any less legitimate than any of the weirdness I ship, but I'm not one of them. And the whole thing just makes me go "ugh".

[mysticalcrusadeobject]

An entirely objective rewiew of episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

Legend: red is bad (or rather: dumb shit I can't ignore), blue is objective good, black is neutral and orange is random shit I love (aka subjective good).

Okay, the exposition following the title crawl just makes me feel like I've somehow missed a movie, or two. All of this happened in the span of, what? A couple months? A year? We aren't told.

I was going to ask why Kylo Ren was even looking for Palpatine in the first place, but you know what? I don't really care. I won't complain about Ben in this movie.

Palpatine can see the future, right? That's the only way this makes sense. I mean, he's telling Kylo to "kill the girl" (and presumably become Emperor of the Galaxy?) but... why? Later, he'll want Rey to kill him and become Empress, but then he'll just want to kill her, too. Is Palpatine an idiot, or is he just insane?

"She's not who you think she is." Honey, she's not who the screenwriters thought she'd be.

I genuinely love the Finn/Poe/Chewy/Rey dinamic in this movie. They don't feel like friends yet (which they shouldn't), but there's still a camaraderie and genuine caring for one another there. It's great.

"How do we thank you?" - "Win the war."

Rey is a badass, as per usual. Also, I love how Kylo's just fucking with her here. That girl could cut him in half.

"Somehow Palpatine returned." The 'somehow' is a key word there.

Oh, good, Rose is a non-character now.

While I adore the actors' chemistry, Rey doesn't really need this big of a party to come with her. Chewy's the co-pilot, so his presence is justified, then Finn could come as well and use the blasters, Poe too, because him and Finn didn't get enough screentime in the last movie, but the droids? No. Have them stay with Leia. We don't need C-3PO explaining everything to us, thank you very much.

Oh, yeah. That reminds me.

C-3PO.

They're foreshadowing C-3PO and Leia's deaths so hard here.

The mother-daughter dinamic between Leia and Rey is good. That's all.

That mask was left in pieces. Is it even possible to fix at this point?

Oh, cool, the Knights of Ren exist. For about three minutes of screentime.

The humor in this movie works pretty well for me. Hux's assurance that Kylo looks, in fact, great, is gold.

The New Guy.

"Serving another master?" - "No." Um, yeah? Yeah, you are. What is your plan, Kylo Ren? Because, to me, it see that y- Oh, yeah, I've promised to leave him be. Shit.

A simple conversation would have made this movie so much shorter and so, so much better. "Oh, hey, Rey. Where you off to?" - "Yo, Ben. Oh, you know, looking for Palpatine so that I can kill him." - "Oh, cool. That was my plan, too. Wanna come with?" - "Sure." - "He's your grandfather, btw." - "Cool. Wanna rule the Galaxy?" - "Sure.

Rey's over here casually cutting ships into pieces.

Also, I love how people complain that Rey is OP in this scene, while Kylo just strolls away from a burning husk of a ship, unscathed.

"The inscription that was on the dagger is in your memory?" Yeah, that's how computers works, Poe.

Also, I love how no one cares about shat C-3PO thinks/wants. These characters and this script dislike him as much as I do.

The No-Thank-You droid is adorable.

"You were a spice runner?" - "Were you a Stormtrooper?"

Babu Frik. Baby Yoda ain't got nothing on this guy.

Daisy Ridley is sooo so good in this movie.

"Does she do that to us?"

"I pushed you in the desert-" Baby, you struggled in the desert.

The directing of this scene is so good!

"I'm the spy." (I love it 'cause it makes me laugh. Hux is such a petty little shit that he'll join the Resistance just to see Kylo lose. I appreciate that."

Rey being a Palpatine bothers me about as much as the CGI Carrie Fisher, which is to say: a little bit.

"People keep telling me they know me; I'm afraid no-one does" with Kylo Ren's leitmotif playing in the background. *chef's kiss*

That blade is the most plastic-looking thing I've ever seen. (The Wayfinder)

"Babu Frik! He's one of my oldest friends." Alright, 3PO, that was pretty funny.

I have literally nothing to say about the next fifteen minutes, or so. I feel bad for these actors. Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver have gorgeous chemistry, and though they're trying their damndest, you can kind of tell that they're weary of these movies by now.

Two words: Harrison fucking Ford.

This scene.

"I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it."

Good job, honey. Now you have no weapon for the final battle. Takes after Anakin, this one.

Every ship is a Star Destroyer.

"A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect."

The reverse Kylo Ren leitmotif that's within Rey's theme playing while Rey is wondering why everyone trusts her despite her being a Palpatine is kind of cute.

As I watch the Resistance/First Order battle unfold, I can't help but wonder why they can't just- sign a peace treaty. How long has this war been going on for? Surely, they must've gotten bored of fighting.

Oh, but I do love the design of Palpatine's throne.

"I never wanted you dead. I wanted you here." I feel like you don't really know what you want, sir.

I love how confused Rey looks while Palpatine talks about how much she apparently hates him.

Ben's just been chillin' for the past 20-ish minutes. I like the redeemed theme they've made for him, though.

Why are the Knights of Ren here? They should be loyal to their Master, no? Also, Ben, honey, you have the Force. You've used it in the first movie to stop a blaster shot mid-air. Surely, levitating six people way up in the air, then letting them fall into the chasm below can't be much more difficult.

This battle. Also, I love how the Knights back the fuck up when Rey sends Ben the saber.

And now he wants to be the Emperor. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Ow. That's- that's a broken spine right there. Good thing our dude's indestructable.

I realize I'm quoting Sideways here, but seriously, why don't they play the Force Theme when Rey communicates with every Jedi ever?

The final scene between Ben and Rey (minus the kiss - y'all know how I feel about shoehorned romance). It's still so, so beautiful. This scene is more beautiful than this movie - nay, this franchise - deserves.

Oh, is the Stormtrooper lady Lando's daughter? That's... You know what, actually? I don't care.

The ending is so damned strange. She just returned to Jakku, disposes of Leia's and the Skywalker lightsabers (rude!), steals BB-8 and just- nothing.

I do like her new lightsaber, though. It suits her.

Yeah, there's one Skywalker missing next to Luke and Leia. I guess that Rey just didn't give a shit about him, huh? Oh, well.

This movie is odd to me. Many people hate it, some like it, but I'm in this in-betweeny stage. I like it more than The Last Jedi, but only because I don't observe these two movies as agregates, but more as collections of good and bad scenes (since they both feel scrapped together), and thus, RoS just has more elements which I like, though it's objectively the worst movie of this trilogy. Rey is the best she's ever been, Ben Solo is *chef's kiss*, Poe is awesome, Finn is... there (the underdevelopment of this character is still the worst thing they've done), but he does have some good moments, some of the side characters are pretty great (the long helmet lady and Babu Frik come to mind immediately), the music is always a highlight and... yeah.

As for the negatives, Palpatine is right up there. His plan is stupid. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Other than that and the demolition of Rose Tico, everything else are nitpicks for me. This movie could have been great only if they'd scrapped this story entirely and either:

a) made an entirely new movie and utilized some of the original concepts they had, or

b) made at least two new movies with the ideas presented here.

Overall, I've enjoyed this movie. It's one of those movies which I can watch after a long day of studying to relax my brain a bit, one that is supposed to be thought about as much as the scriptwriters have done - which is to say, a bit.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi review

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE, AS GIVING MY HONEST OPINION ON THE WHOLE THING IS NOT SOMETHING I’M CAPABLE OF DOING WITHOUT DISCUSSING THE WHOLE PLOT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Star Wars is a franchise very near and dear to my heart. Ever since I was a little boy I’ve been watching these films, filled with a sense of wonder and excitement as I was whisked off to a galaxy far, far away.  I always found myself to be an anomaly among Star Wars fans, as I’ve managed to find enjoyment in the first seven movies; even the prequels are films I don’t really hate, and as derivative as The Force Awakens was it was still a lot of fun. So when I heard how incredibly divisive The Last Jedi was, so divisive that half the fanbase was petitioning to have it stricken from canon while the other half was praising it as one of the best Star Wars movies to date, I figured this would be yet another example of me ending up enjoying a Star Wars movie that was controversial among fans.

I was wrong. Kind of.

I was really disappointed by this movie… and I was really disappointed because a lot of this movie really is as good as some people are saying. I totally see why this is the most divisive Star Wars film to date; there are just just so many great moments interspersed with so many boneheaded decisions, that I can see why anyone would love or hate this. I don’t know if I’m really in either camp. I don’t know how to feel at all. And so, in a break from the norm, I’m going to skip the plot summary here, and I am going to do a sort of bullet point list of the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of this movie and my reasonings for why I liked or disliked said points. It’s a bit of a departure from the norm, I know, but so is this movie.

And again, before we get into it… MASSIVE SPOILERS BELOW:

The Good

Luke Skywalker: One of the absolute best aspects of the movie is Luke. Mark Hamill is at the top of his game here, delivering a very complex performance of a bitter, jaded Luke who has failed in a deeply profound way. It is revealed HE created Kylo Ren in a moment of typical Skywalker impulsiveness, and has had to live with this failure for years. He also gets a lot of funny moments, such as in the recreation of the ending of The Force Awakens; after being handed the lightsaber by Rey, he pauses for a few moments, then chucks the lightsaber over his shoulder before walking away. This really sets the tone for how his character is going to be for the whole film. Then there’s his final showdown with Kylo Ren at the end, which is pretty awesome in and of itself, especially considering… Luke was never there. He was astral projecting from half a galaxy away. Fucking. Awesome. Of course, the toll of this ends up with Luke becoming one with the Force… and while this disappointed me at first, the gorgeous final shot of Luke looking at those two suns before vanishing, perfectly bookending his journey… it was beautiful. I can accept it, even if it hurts. Luke’s portrayal here in the film may be divisive to some fans, but not to me.

Princess Leia: I have absolutely nothing bad to say about Carrie Fisher’s performance. Nothing. This is the last time we’ll get to see her in Star Wars, and she gave it her all. And, best of all, we FINALLY get to see her use the force in the most epically gonzo way you could ever imagine. She uses the Force to survive in the vacuum of space and fly back to safety. Leia could have easily been killed off at that point too, which makes this all the more awesome. Almost every scene she was in had me tearing up, particularly her final interaction with Luke, in which he says “Nobody is ever truly gone.” He’s right. Carrie Fisher and Leia will always be with us, in our hearts, in our memories… God, I’m crying just writing this, time to move on….

Poe: It was good that Oscar Isaac convinced J. J. Abrams to let Poe Dameron live, because boy does he really bring a lot to the table here. Hotheaded, reckless, but with an indomitable spirit and his heart truly in the right place, Poe is the heroic rebel he deserved to be in the previous movie, but never got a chance to be. Not much more to say other than he was great here.

Snoke: Look, I’m a sucker for Andy Serkis. Snoke was cool, creepy, mysterious, and one of the most nightmarishly powerful Force users in the franchise. He had that massive Star Destroyer, he had that gold robe, he had that fucked up face… and in his first scene here he basically calls out Kylo Ren for being a whiny little bitch and tells him to take off his stupid mask. Snoke is a fucking baller… which is why what happens to him two thirds of the way through the film pisses me off (but we’ll get to that later). Trust me, I was fully expecting to find Snoke a massive letdown, but instead I felt more like the movie let down one of the most intriguing antagonists Star Wars has produced in a while.

The Praetorian Guard: On the subject of Snoke, his space samurai ninja laser guards are nothing short of awesome. Following in the footsteps of the legendary stormtrooper with the testicular fortitude to fight off a lightsaber-wielding Finn with nothing but a stun baton and sheer chutzpah, these guys steal the show in their single awesome fight scene, in which together they manage to nearly kill Rey and Kylo Ren. While that might not seem as badass as one regular stormtrooper against a lightsaber-wielding Finn, please recall Rey and Finn are both powerful Jedi who were both trained, however briefly, by some of the most powerful Force users in the galaxy. The fact these guys survived more than ten seconds is nothing short of impressive.

Vice Admiral Holdo’s heroic sacrifice: While Holdo herself, as a character, is… well… pretty sloppy and poorly done overall, her final moments are perhaps the greatest heroic sacrifice ever put to film. Faced against Snoke’s massive ship, which for the record is the width of the state of Rhode Island, and seeing the fleeing rebels get blasted to bits, she turns her ship around, aims it at Snoke’s ship, and activates lightspeed. What follows is one of the most epic and gorgeous shots of the saga; it’s completely devoid of sound, just the sight of Snoke’s ship crippled and the other Star Destroyers bisected. The only reason the scene was silent was likely because they couldn’t get the rights to “Rules of Nature,” which would be the only acceptable thing to play over such an incredible moment.

Yoda: Motherfucking Yoda appears, of all people. Voiced by motherfucking Frank Oz, of all people. And he’s an actual puppet! Of all things! This is the Yoda we all know and love, and even after being dead for decades the little guy is still the biggest baller who ever lived, calling down lightning from the heavens and chastising Luke for being a doofus. Boy was this an unexpected appearance, but damn if it wasn’t a welcome one.

Captain Canady and Paige: The commander of the Dreadnought, I’m pretty sure Canady was the only competent member of the First Order in the entire film. He only appears in the opening scene of course, since as a bad guy he’s required to die, but he really steals the show there alongside the heroic rebel Paige who manages to blow him up (which he seems to gracefully accept in his final moments). Seeing the hypercompetent badasses of both sides is a great start, I must say.

Kylo Ren and Rey: These two finally feel like a proper antagonist and protagonist. They’re very fleshed out and given quite a bit more depth here, with a lot of their more controversial aspects toned down. Ren no longer throws tantrums and acts like a Darth Vader wannabe, Rey gets her ass handed to her a few times and is frequently tempted by the allure of darkness… overall, this movie handles them both a lot better than the previous film which, while not bad, was more of a groundwork for them than anything.

Hux becoming the First Order’s Butt Monkey: I don’t have much to say about this beyond… it’s funny to see Hux get slapped around by everyone.

The Bad

Rose: Rose was truly a pointless character. I have nothing good to say about her, she was an utter waste of space, her subplot with Finn wasn’t interesting, her chemistry with him was lacking, her romantic feelings for him are just exacerbated hero worship… she’s quite frankly one of the most annoying characters in the Star Wars canon, and remember that the Ewoks and Jar Jar exist. It’s a real shame her awesome sister died and we got stuck with this schlub for the movie.

DJ getting shafted for screentime: Now DJ himself is a pretty interesting character, adding a shade of gray to the typically black-and-white stories; he even points out the moral ambiguity of the war that’s being fought. Here’s the issue: they write him out of the movie fairly quickly, without him really getting a chance to shine. He has maybe ten, fifteen minutes of screentime before he betrays Finn and Rose and then fucks off, never to be seen again? Fucking lame. Hopefully he can come back in the sequel, because he deserved a lot better.

Finn: He went from being the best new character of the last movie, to… this. It’s not even so much that he’s a bad character now or anything, but John Boyega is given nothing interesting to do here, and Finn’s character just seems stalled. He doesn’t really progress or develop in any way that feels meaningful.

The casino plotline: Rose and Finn go to the casino to find a hacker. Hijinks ensue. Hijinks that end up amounting to nothing at all and actually end up worsening the situation of the rebels. While I do like all the unique aliens that appeared in the casino, it’s not worth it for such an utterly meaningless plotline that ended up hindering rather than helping. Still, this plotline is not nearly as bad as some people make it out to be. It just feels like some of it could have been trimmed, since so little of it ends up mattering.

The Ugly

Killing Snoke: The worst problems of The Last Jedi lie in how they take all the interesting concepts that were teased in The Force Awakens and then just toss them out the window. Case in point: the mysterious, nightmarish Snoke, built up as the successor to Emperor Palpatine and who is established as a Force master able to pull off some wicked moves… is sliced in half two-thirds of the way through the film. Nothing is revealed about who he is or what he had in mind for Kylo beyond the most basic things. Now, one COULD use the excuse that Palpatine was not exactly fleshed out in The Return of the Jedi, and yet he was still a pretty awesome villain… but the issue with that is that Palpatine at this point had three prequels to flesh him out, so saying “Oh that’s how it was in these old movies before we had characterization!” is BULLSHIT. Making an interesting villain and then tossing him aside like he’s nothing is fucking retarded, no matter what way you slice it. Oh, a nd while we’re on the subject…

Phasma: Once again, Phasma is reduced to an utter joke. She actually has a very rich and complex characterization and backstory… seen in comics and prequel novels but not in the movie. In the movie she gets hit with some Bond villain stupidity and is bested by Finn in one of the shortest fight scenes in the movie. And then she (maybe) dies. If this is truly the end for her – which I have my doubts about – then she truly is the poor man’s Boba Fett and an absolute waste off a character.

Rey’s parents: After all the mystery and buildup to who Rey’s parents could be, the rampant speculation driving fans wild as they tried to uncover the answer, after all the teasing from the creators… it’s revealed they were just a couple of lowlife drunks who sold their kid for pocket change. Like this could be an interesting twist – Rey being a nobody is a pretty shocking subversion of audience expectations – but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth for a lot of reasons. It just feels like, on top of the twenty other twists the movie throws at you, like overkill. This big mystery people were theorizing over? Well fuck it, it doesn’t matter.

Killing Admiral Ackabar: Look, I understand why they did it, his actor passed away so the character dies with him… but god, killing one of the most iconic alien characters of the franchise like that just feels really fucking cheap. And then he gets mentioned one time in passing. I GET he was never a major focus or anything, but this is Admiral “IT’S A TRAP!” Ackbar we’re talking about. The fans love this guy, if you’re gonna kill him you could at least afford  him some more respect and dignity than getting blown up and then mentioned in passing.

What now: My biggest issue is that, now that all the mysteries of the previous film have been tossed aside or answered anticlimactically… what else is there to do? There’s nothing like at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, where Han was frozen and needed to be saved and Vader was still out there, planning his big move. The movie kinda just… ends. Oooh, the rebellion is alive! Kylo Ren is the Supreme Leader of the First Order now! None of this feels compelling or exciting, none of this feels enticing the same way the cliffhanger at the end of The Empire Strikes Back did, the movie this film is aping quite a bit from. They kinda shot themselves in the foot repeatedly here; maybe they can put some unique spins on the story, but they really ruined a lot of the interesting ideas that were set up in Episode VII. It’s gonna be hard to feel totally interested in whatever comes next unless they have an exceptionally massive selling point, especially now that the Han and Luke are both dead in-universe, while Carrie Fisher’s death means Leia’s role in Episode IX is being removed.

In Conclusion

There is a lot of stuff I loved, and enough stuff that I hated that it keeps me from loving the movie. It’s the epitome of a mixed bag, one you’ll probably either end up loving or hating; maybe you’ll be like me and find it to be a mixed bag as well, but it does seem to be a movie that elicits only the most extreme of responses. Can I recommend this? You know… yeah. As much as I hate a lot of the decisions they went with here, there IS enough of that Star Wars quality to give it a watch. And if nothing else, seeing Carrie Fisher’s final performance is worth the price of admission alone. This movie is dedicated to her, and you know what? With her performance here, this is definitely a film worthy of being dedicated to her memory.

Maybe I need to watch it again to truly like it, or maybe I’ll still dislike it, or maybe I’ll even hate it more. Who really knows? There’s only one thing I know for sure: anyone who signs the petition to remove this film from canon is an absolute waste of oxygen and needs to sit in the corner and reevaluate their life. Get over yourself you fucking losers.

[gregorsamsadementiaravenway]

Stray notes after watching The Last Jedi

Or: why does this movie just keep getting worse whenever I remember it?

The notes are after the cut just in case someone hasn’t seen the film yet or doesn’t want a long ass bullet point post in their dash. Some of them are serious and well thought-out, some are nitpicky and some are there just for the heck of it.

“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.” - Why, that’s just peachy, Rian! Too bad the future your selling is a little shit.

In general, Rian Johnson doesn’t seem to have much respect for the past. See tathrin’s post about all the things established in TFA that were turned upside down in this film, but I think Johnson doesn’t have much consideration for the original trilogy either, reducing Chewbacca to a background character and trying to replace “May the Force be with you” with some other, less inspired line.

Seriously, why are they saying “Godspeed”? Did monotheism reach a galaxy far, far away and they now, suddenly, have a notion of God? And, while were at it, why is “treacherous snake” a thing, now? Are there snakes in the Star Was universe? ‘Cause, so far, all animals have been on the fantastic side of things. What else is there? Do they have kittens??? That’s an important question...

The movie had A LOT of hamfisted comic relief. Of course there were some honestly funny scenes (I will forever laugh at Rey feeling the Force with her hand), but most of the jokes felt very out of place. For instance, the first scene, with Hux and Poe. I laughed my ass off at that interaction, but that’s an SNL sketch, not a Star Wars scene. I was half expecting Matt, the radar technician, to show up.

Seriously, someone should tell Rian Johnson that he isn’t directing Guardians of the Galaxy. In more than one scene, the excess of jokes killed what should’ve a truly great, emotional moment.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much indifference do I feel towards porgs?

The ammount of queerbaiting that went into promoting this film was insane. Look, actors on franchises like this one have media training, so whenever, say, Oscar Isaac ran his mouth about the possibility of Finn/Poe being canon, he was at least authorized by Disney to do so (worst case scenario, he was instructed to sell this narrative). I didn’t particularly care about the ship and I think Poe Dameron could’ve died in TFA without any harm to the franchise, but to hamfist that non-sensical romance between Finn and Rose after feeding the fans’ hopes for a gay pairing was, in my opinion, downright cruel.

And don’t even get me started on Poe and Rey’s meaningful gaze at the end of the film, with Poe going all “I know” as if he’s Han Solo or some hot shit like that! Poe/Rey is the worst possible ship to become canon. Yes, the worst. Yes, you heard me, worse than Reylo.

Speaking of Reylo: after TFA, I said that I low-key shipped them ‘cause that’s the kind of fucked up ship I like. Look, there are people in this website who like to wear diapers and want to fuck Pennywise, so, screw you, I’m not apologizing for wanting to read fics about a fictional pairing made up of two adults. HOWEVER, this is not the sort of thing I want to be canon. From the get go, my opinion on Rey’s official love life has been “either she ends up with Finn or she ends up alone”. That being said, I think they handled the relationship between her and Kylo Ren very well in this film. I’m glad they didn’t deny the fucked up sexual tension that was going on there, especially coming from Ren’s side, and chose to play into it. A failed redemption arc fits them perfectly and Kylo Ren’s “please” when he asks Rey to rule beside him was a great moment for the character and one of the few truly emotional moments of the film.

But that thing were they get to hit on each other through the Force, sharing sad stories and touching hands? Yeah, I’m pretty certain I’ve read that fic. Actually, I’m pretty certain I’ve read about three fics like that.

Let’s keep on the Kylo Ren track for now, then: he did get some very nice character development in this film. The Last Jedi was more his than any other character’s, even Luke. For a minute there, before the movie came out, I thought they were going to make some changes to him due to the whole backlash, but they went full “overgrown angsty kid” with him in a way that actually made him more compelling. I like the way Luke’s fear ended up pushing a conflicted teenager into the Dark Side and that Kylo is still very much stuck at that moment. As usual with Sith and Sith by-products, Kylo Ren is moved by anger, and his anger feels much more real after this little bit of backstory.

Who is Snoke, though? Are they going to explain that in the next movie? It feels like they should’ve done it in this one, but I hope they at least give him some context before the trilogy is over.

Sooooo... Did your conflicted antagonist cladded in black, with black hair falling all over his face, just trick his bald, deformed Dark Lord by using his occlumency powers? *Owen Wilson voice* Wow.

“The Supreme Leader is dead. Long live the Supreme Leader.” - A perfect example of a really amazing moment botched by comic relief, ie, Snoke’s little tongue falling out of his dead body.

After the film ended, @robogigante​​ complained a lot about Hux’s transformation from an actual, threatening villan into a punchline, and, you know what? He’s right. There’s a scene there that looks like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do I hate evil, square-headed BB-8?

I’m sort of glad Rey’s parents aren’t anyone important. Star Wars relies too much on heritage and it’s a nice change having a hero who isn’t Space Jesus or Space Jesus’ direct lineage. Her scene in the cave was incredibly beautiful.

They did point to something else in TFA, though, implying heavily that her origin was important and that Kylo Ren already knew about her. That was some Moffat level of badly written plot twist right there.

There’s something Emma Watson-y about Daisy Ridley. This is neither a compliment nor a complaint, just something I hadn’t noticed before.

Both Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver grew a lot as actors since the last movie, especially Driver. Even though it’s still hard to take Kylo Ren seriously sometimes due to Driver’s cry-baby face, he’s way more convincing in his rage and intensity than he was in TFA, where his acting felt a little too mechanical.

However, some of the other actors aren’t living up to their potential. John Boyega’s charisma is extremely underused and I know for a fact that Domnhall Gleeson can do a lot better than what he was given here. In a couple of scenes, even Hamill and Fisher seemed a little uncomfortable in their roles.

“Shit, we’ve already signed Lupita’s check! Gotta shove her in here, somewhere!” - I’m so sorry, honey. You are so beautiful and talented... You deserved way better than that.

Kelly Marie Tran is adorable and I absolutely love her in interviews and such. She seems like a delightful person. However, her character was completely unnecessary. Her only purpose was to serve as a future love interest to Finn, and I’ve made my thoughts about that pairing quite clear already.

“...it’s saving the ones we love...” - BITCH, YOU’VE KNOWN HIM FOR WHAT? A DAY?

As a matter of fact, all of that storyline felt completely unnecessary. It was as if the writers didn’t know what to do with Finn so they gave him a spunky sidekick and a pointless mission just to kill time. I found myself wishing he had spent the whole movie in a coma, and that’s really sad, because I really like John Boyega and was hoping he would become a strong protagonist for the franchise.

Another thing @robogigante​ pointed out (and I’m quoting him ‘cause I know he’s not making a post of his own) is that Holdo had no reason whatsoever to hide her plan from Poe or anyone else in the Resistance. She just... didn’t like Poe Dameron that much...

Excessive jokes aside, casino planet was okay and helped flesh out the Star Wars universe a little bit more. However, much like Phasma, Benicio Del Toro’s character (whose name I already forgot) was just another Boba Fett, all flash and no substance, and I particularly hate that “squeaky clean abused little children representing hope” crap. It’s one of the tackiest tropes in existence.

I did get the feeling that that kid is going to join the Resistance on the next movie. Like they’re going to do a ten year jump to justify Leia’s disappearance/death. It would also help the Rebels to get their shit back together, Kylo Ren to gain more control over the First Order and Rey to learn some more about the Force in order to meet her fate. The existence of that child is still horrible and that ending was so over the top I can’t even put it into words, but it’s a good hook for a leap that, if handled well, could be very good for the story.

I also got the feeling that they originally inteded to kill one member of the original trio per film. That would’ve been cool. Too bad Leia will have to die off screen.

Was it just me or is the timeline in this movie really weird? Poe’s plan seems to take place entirely in a day, maybe two, while Rey apparently spends at least a week in Luke’s island.

I’m glad Carrie Fisher got to have at least one badass Force user scene before dying. Her flight among the debris of the Rebel cruiser was a beautiful reminder of how powerful the Force can be, on par with Luke’s astral projection, not to mention a gorgeous scene in its own right.

Holdo and Leia definitely had a torrid love affair after the Organa-Solo divorce came through. No one will ever convince me otherwise.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do I love the crystal foxes?

There was a preoccupying absence of wipe transitions and epic soundtrack inserts. Actually, I don’t even remember hearing any music at all. The editing was way too conservative. It didn’t even feel like a Star Wars movie, sometimes.

How is it possible that The Force Awakens was basically a remake of A New Hope and still felt more daring that The Last Jedi? Look, we already know you’re not killing any of the characters ‘cause they have to come back for the next installment, but raise those stakes a little bit, jeez! Give Kylo Ren and Snoke more conflict before their face-off, give Rey an opportunity to actually scare Luke with something that matters, give Finn and Poe a mission that actually means something to the Resistance, not a MacGuffin to keep them busy... Anything!

The Last Jedi is actually an okay-ish movie, to be honest, but, in a way, I think I disliked it even more than the prequels. Sure, The Phantom Menace is objectively a much worse film, but at least it had soul. George Lucas’ midichlorian and CGI packed soul, but soul nonetheless. The Last Jedi has nothing. I know Star Wars movies are all about the money, let’s not delude ourselves that this is in anyway high art, but this one just felt like the biggest money grabber of all. There is no personal investment in it whatsoever and no sign of what makes Star Wars Star Wars in the first place.

When’s Lando coming back?

BONUS: I am never watching a fucking 3D movie again in my life. The background always seems out of focus, it’s too expensive and I hate putting glasses on top of my glasses. I don’t care if I have to wait a month to watch the next Star Wars, I don’t care if I get spoilers, I’m not watching anything in 3D ever again.

[emeraldembers]

Rogue One spoilery thoughts

And I’m going to try and keep my excited rambling organised this time, for once!

ETA: Failed to keep excited rambling organised, but An Attempt Was Made.

I could honestly talk about this movie for hours, because it just means so much to me on so many levels. I haven’t felt this loved by media for being a fan of it since I played Soul Reaver 2 in... *checks imdb* 2001, that came out. Good lord, I’m getting on.

Anyhow! I’m going to try and split this up into things about the movie in general followed by things about the characters, just to try and be a bit tidy about my thoughts, despite the fact that what I really want to do most is to grab someone and happy-cry all over them.

Also, please note that I have only ever watched the movies, so if you’re an extended universe fan or a book reader, I apologise in advance ;).

The Force finally felt like the Force of my childhood again. It felt like something real and alive and present, it felt like something that could exist in my world again. No pseudo-science, no wincing at how much of a deus ex machina it could be, it finally, finally felt like... it felt like something to believe in. I was raised Catholic, and have always been fascinated by other religions, and while I am not always certain of there being a God, or indeed any gods, I have always felt there is something more to this universe and this existence, and it’s just... the Force always felt tangible to me as a child, in concept, and this movie let me feel like that once more.

SO MANY WOMEN VISIBLY AND VOCALLY INVOLVED IN THE END SPACE BATTLE. SO. MANY. I felt like the team involved were taking me by the hands and personally apologising for what was cut from the original trilogy.

The way the film managed to go "People working for good causes sometimes do bad things. People working for bad causes sometimes do good things. This does not make the good causes bad, or the bad causes good”. After the mess of 2016 thanks in part to media trying to offer a ‘balanced view’ of things that cannot be balanced, and after hearing that the movie had morally grey characters and being braced for the worst as a result, this was a breath of fresh air.

Almost every single villain was a white man with a British or American accent. Of our heroes, it’s a genuine struggle to remember a single white man. In fact, after racking my brains a bit, the only ones that come to mind are Galen Erso (who retains Mads Mikkelsen’s lovely Danish accent and gets fridged to further Jyn Erso’s woman-pain) and a side character with rather magnificent ginger facial hair. In particular, I’d also like to thank the film for expanding on the good work of The Force Awakens by adding east Asian heroes into the Star Wars movieverse (and a Mexican actor doesn’t hurt either, especially after the mess of a year that was 2016).

The Death Star is terrifying. Seeing it blow up a planet from a distance in the original trilogy? That makes it a clearly Bad Thing but it doesn’t give proper context because it’s almost impossible to imagine that kind of power. Seeing it performing a ‘small test’ from the perspective of people on an affected planet, watching the land come up and just - “There’s a problem on the horizon. There is no horizon.” - it’s real. It suddenly feels real and possible and it’s a threat that matters and god, almighty, I can’t get over it. That plus the justification for it - I can’t remember the lines for this one properly but it went roughly, “This will bring peace to the galaxy.” “You mean terror.” “We have to start somewhere.” - shivers. Just. Shivers.

Also I only very vaguely knew of Kyber Crystals before, in that my brother is more into Star Wars videogames than I am and as such I’ve learned that they’re part of the lightsaber creation process, but Kyber finally means something to me now, so that’s a neat little touch.

The action scenes felt new and exciting again! I do love a lightsaber battle or two, but it was so good to see blasters and martial arts and space battles used in ways that didn’t feel overwrought or over-choreographed, they were fun and fresh to watch and everything was just so interesting, and you felt like the fights mattered, you felt how outnumbered the rebels were, how much power the empire held in comparison.

The script deserves credit as well for the fact it was so dang quotable. The simple and solid “Rebellions are built on hope”, the hilarious in context “Are you kidding me? I’m blind!”, the badass “Be careful not to choke on your aspirations”, the epic “The Force is with me, and I am one with the Force”. It’s a delight to run through the film in my head and realise just how much of it I can recall despite having an appalling visual memory, thanks largely to the strength of the characters and the script.

It made the original trilogy better. I’m not kidding. Prequels and sequels to movies so often have the effect of taking away the magic of the original one by making enemies less of a threat, explaining things that were better off without an explanation, making heroes Grim And Dark, introducing plot holes... so on and so forth. This movie made the universe of the originals make more sense. Grand Moff Tarkin was established as a credible threat. The reason anyone would board Princess Leia’s ship and risk angering the Senate was made clear. The Death Star’s weakness was explained on SO MANY LEVELS. Why was it built with a weakness? Explained. Why no engineers noticed that weakness? Explained. Why no one went over the plans for it and discovered the weakness? Explained.

I cannot emphasise enough that Rogue One genuinely makes A New Hope an even better movie.

Moving onto the characters:

A brief summary regarding characters from the original trilogy: Princess Leia (and Bail Organa, who gets a shout-out despite us only really meeting him in the prequels)? Already awesome, even awesomer now. Mon Mothma? Gorgeous and glorious and pretty much the Galadriel of the Rebel Alliance. Grand Moff Tarkin? Deliciously evil (and not as distracting as I thought he would be based on some reviews - the voice is perfect, and the CGI is more... acceptably not quite right like Gollum, than Uncanny Valley). Darth Vader? FINALLY SCARY AGAIN.

Jyn Erso is the lone wolf woman-pain character we deserve after enduring so many of the lone wolf man-pain leads Hollywood foists upon us year after year. She has a mean streak and an attitude and I love her. I love that she’s angry and she’s vicious, and I love that her character arc doesn’t demand she become a soft and sweet thing, her character arc is about her putting her anger to use, putting it into the fight for hope. She’s wonderful.

Cassian is also wonderful. He’s this gorgeous mixture of hero and anti-hero; we know he’s done bad things for his cause, we see him do them on screen, but he is the character who has done these things for the right reasons and you believe he wishes he hadn’t had to do them. You know he carries the pain of what he’s done with him, and you cannot go through the movie without realising that regardless of what he has done, his is the heart of a good man.

K-2SO is hilarious and a welcome addition to the herd of Good Star Wars Robots.

Bodhi Rook is the epitome of Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure. I loved all of the heroes, every last one of them, but if I had to choose one I would fight to protect, it’s Bodhi. He is so sweet and nervous and gentle and I just want to scoop him up and make everything bad go away, especially the hentai monsters (because I know Star Wars has had tentacles before, but the monster they sicced on him in this? That was. Certainly something).

And lastly, because if I want to wrap this up with anything, it’s these two - and yes, they’re coming as a pair in this, because how could I separate them even into paragraphs?

Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus are perfect. I could leave it at that, but I don’t want to. From the second they show up to the last seconds they spend on screen, they are perfect. The majority of the lines I remember from the movie come from their exchanges, on account of them being hilarious, badass, or touching. The way their fighting styles contrast and compliment each other’s, the way their personalities do the same - the way faith is something they argue over and are held together by - I just fell completely in love with them. And I fell in love with their love, too - because you cannot tell me they weren’t. You can’t. Not when they bicker like an old married couple. Not when Chirrut reaches for Baze’s face, and Baze takes his hand, and Chirrut says “You will always find me in the Force”. Not when Baze’s last living action is to look back at Chirrut.

Not when their theme song, the Guardians of the Whills Suite, takes SO MUCH INSPIRATION FROM THE DAMNED LOVE THEME FOR PADME AND ANAKIN, ACROSS THE STARS.

I am in love with this movie.

I am absolutely, head over heels in love with this movie.

And I cannot thank it enough for being brave enough to do something different with the Star Wars movieverse, and in doing so, make it feel so new and so vibrant and so alive, I feel like a seven year old watching the original trilogy on VHS for the first time.

[robbiefarlow-sidequestfitne-blog]

New Post has been published on Side Quest Fitness

New Post has been published on http://sidequestfitness.com/front-squats-last-jedi-fitness-world/

The Last Jedi of the Fitness World: Front Squats

Here’s the thing: people either love The Last Jedi or the vehemently hate everything about it and want to burn Disney to the goddamn ground.

Now look, I get that in today’s world of the Internet it’s “totally cool” to be a hater; why else do you think 85% of Reddit and 4chan exists?

People love to “hate.”

Everyone has a right to their opinion. It’s an unalienable human right.

But I also have a right to tell you that your opinion is stupid and point out to you why The Last Jedi is, in fact, one of the best Star Wars movies ever created.

Is it perfect?

No. But it sure as shit is better than Episodes 1-3.

Rian Johnson took risks. And that is exactly what Star Wars needed. Risks, not safety.

  1. The Last Jedi makes The Force, The Force Again

As a lover of all things myth, one of the biggest problems in our society today is that we have killed our myths.

I love science. It’s important and we need it. But we’ve tried to explain everything with science and killed the mystery of humanity; myths have been the cornerstone of our storytelling since the dawn of time.

Why do you think superhero movies and Star Wars break the box office every single time a new film is released?

Humans want hero stories.

We thrive on looking at the example of the Hero and saying to ourselves, “Gee, if so and so can do this and be a better human being, then I can too.

My problems are oddly similar to his/hers. Maybe if I look at my problems like Captain America/Wonder Woman/Batman, maybe I too can conquer my greatest enemies/fears.”

But Lucas decided that he needed to give us a scientific reason for The Force with midichlorians.

George. You were influenced by Joseph Campbell. How do you demystify the thing that made us all want to live in a galaxy far far away?

Rian Johnson brought The Force back to what it always was meant to be: a mysterious mythological feeling that can’t “exactly” be explained with science.

He made The Force great again.

2. Leia is a Badass and if You Hate that Scene You Don’t Know Shit about Leia

Look, killing off Carrie Fisher probably would have been a wise decision. But when she died the film was completed.

So is Rian Johnson supposed to go back and re-write a good portion of the movie so he can kill Carrie Fisher off in the first 25 minutes of the film?

If he does that, which he could have, it completely changes how he had to write Luke and what ends up happening to Luke.

So now he has to basically re-write and re-shoot the whole film.

From that perspective, it was absolutely necessary that he not kill off Leia.

“But Robbie, Leia “Supermanning” across the screen was so dumb.”

WRONG. You are wrong. So wrong.

In case you’re not a super nerd, which is cool and all totally you’re prerogative, Leia is like a million times more powerful than Luke.

That has been referenced numerous times in both the books and comics of The Expanded Universe.

Luke is pretty powerful, sure. But Leia is more badass than that whiny farm boy from Tatooine could ever imagine he could be.

And Rian Johnson shows us this in that one moment.

Leia is more powerful than Jedi Master Skywalker and people can’t handle the fact that a badass woman can “superman” herself through space to NOT die.

She was the one who saved Luke and Han and Chewie from getting backed into the corner in the detention block in A New Hope.

Luke got pissed off that he failed as a Jedi and reclused himself to an island on some far away planet, while Leia kept fighting The First Order.

Guys: Leia is a badass and this scene just furthers that point. Deal with it.

3. Kylo Ren is the Sith We Needed

Anakin Skywalker should have been what Kylo Ren is.

Darth Vader should have been more conflicted throughout all of his time as a Jedi.

His turn in Revenge of the Sith comes out of nowhere. There is no conflict for the choice he makes. He just kills Mace Windu. Why?

Palpatine didn’t “really” give him any secret to save Padme.

And not even 10 minutes before he attacks Windu, Anakin discovers that Palpatine is the Sith Lord they’ve been looking for, and he nearly arrests him then.

And then he tells the Jedi what he finds out, only to then save Palpy? What?

George, there has to be a greater conflict here.

Kylo, on the other hand, is conflicted on numerous levels.

His uncle tried to kill him

He’s angry at his parents

He wants to live up to the legacy of his grandfather

And he probably got picked on as a kid and never dealt with his shit so he’s lashing out

Point being: if Anakin had looked anything like Kylo on screen, I would have felt like Anakin’s turn to Vader was 100x more impactful.

I loved The Last Jedi. But I’ve realized that arguing about The Last Jedi with people who hate it like arguing with people who hate front squats.

Front squats are 100x better than back squats.

More glute activation

More quad recruitment

Increased anterior core recruitment

No loading on your spine

Increased upper back activation (i.e, you’ll build bigger legs and back muscles)

But people hate front squats because it hurts their wrists or it feels awkward laying across your shoulders/clavicle.

Sure, it takes some getting used to, but in the long run front squats will help you build more muscle mass, keep your low back healthier, and people who front squat are usually the strongest (and sometimes most athletic) people you’ll ever see.

Hate them all you want. But if you spend some time getting used to the bar resting on your shoulders, you’ll find that front squats are far superior to back squats.

I mean lots of people hated The Empire Strikes Back when it came out.

But over time, and with more viewings, people began to realize that it was the superior Star Wars film.

That will happen with The Last Jedi as well. And it will happen for you too when you spend more time front squatting than back squatting.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

ohh i saw your answer about the sequels of star wars. id love to read you tear through the whole trilogy

Well, I’ve avoided this ask long enough. Part of the reason is this is really a huge topic, far too much for one ask, so I’m going to have to do this at a very high level.

In short, the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy is what one gets when you slap together the goal of selling merchandise and making tons of money, being as risk averse as humanly possible, adding a handful of warring directors with incredibly different visions, and having virtually no imagination when it comes to the imagining and writing of characters.

And we get this beautiful, awful, franchise that for reasons beyond me people seem to actually like (though interestingly, no one seems to like all of it, they may actually like one or two of the films, but no one says all three are actually in any realm of good).

With that, let’s begin.

The Force Awakens

For me this is easily the most tolerable of the sequel trilogy: it’s not great, it’s not terrible. It’s thoroughly watchable, you can be taken along for the movie’s journey and not raise your eyebrows too much at the action and leave the theater feeling this maybe wasn’t a complete waste of your time.

There’s a good reason for that. That reason is called the most blatant form of plagiarism I have ever seen in cinema in my life.

“The Force Awakens” is just “A New Hope” wearing a mustache. Only, it’s one of those cheap mustaches you get from a party store that, if you stare at it too long, just looks like the most false and awful thing you’ve ever seen. The mustache actively makes it worse. “The Force Awakens” is “A New Hope”, but worse.

Seriously, every major character, every major plot point, every major scene I can go directly back to “A New Hope”.

Our story begins when the Resistance, at great cost to our valiant heroes including torture at the hands of the Emperor’s second in command, sends a file out into the wilderness to be received by his people. This file contains plans for the Death Star.

The film then focuses on Luke, er Rey, getting involved in the Resistance, boarding the Death Star, and successfully destroying at the same time even at the lost of a beloved mentor that she just met (trading in Obi-Wan for Han Solo). 

Our evil empire is run by an evil emperor who is so evil he sits in a chair, is served by very Moth Tarkin-esque human storm troopers, and has a second in command who revels in the Darth Vader get up (for no other reason that it makes him feel cool but we’ll get into this).

It’s “A New Hope”. Rey is Luke, Han Solo is Obi-Wan, Poe is a kind of Han Solo, Kylo Ren is Vader, Snoke is Palpatine, Hux is Tarkin, BB-8 is R2-D2, etc.

“But that’s not terrible,” you say, “I liked A New Hope?”

First, it is terrible, it gives a very bad sign of where the sequel trilogy is headed and is just lazy writing. It means that those who produced this franchise were so terrified of taking risks, of possibly ending up mocked as the prequels were, that they will deliver exactly what the original trilogy was. And what’s that? Uh, evil empires, scrappy desert kids, AND MORE DEATH STARS!

That brings us to point number two, the world of Star Wars after the events of the original trilogy shouldn’t support such things. And, if it does, my god what a bleak existence this place has turned into.

The First Order being able to rise easily from the Empire’s remains means that Luke accomplished nothing. Anakin sacrificed himself and had his moment of redemption for nothing. There was no happy ending to the Original Trilogy, our heroes failed miserably, and there is no indication that our new band of heroes can possibly succeed in their place. (More on this as the movies progress).

We now are in a galaxy where this new Republic is so pathetic that Leia doesn’t even give it the time of day and builds her own private army to battle the Empire. The First Order is able to not only rebuild a massive army by raiding villages on many different worlds and stealing children and do so successfully for at least ten years but is able to build a Death Star bigger than any we’ve ever seen before. 

And the movie tries to convince us these are completely new problems, that Luke Skywalker is a hero (remember this is TFA, not TLJ yet), and that somehow these things just sprung up out of nowhere. BUT YEAH, RESISTANCE, WOO!

As for Rey, she’s like... a worse version of Luke. Her only motivation through the entire series is her trauma at being abandoned by her parents. That’s it, there’s nothing else to her, nothing else she ever wants or feels conflicted by. She struggles with the dark side because... the dark side? Genetics? Unclear? She’s absurdly, ridiculously, powerful in a way that’s acknowledged but never that acknowledged (we’ll get into this) and the movies just fail to sell me on her in any way.

Honestly, an easy fix for me would have just been making Rey a much younger character. I could believe a fourteen-year-old having stayed in the desert, scrounging for scraps, believing her parents are coming back every day now. As a twenty-something year old... It starts getting hard to believe she never left. (Also, this gets the benefit of getting rid of Reylo, which is always a plus for me).

As for Kylo Ren, I legitimately walked out of TFA thinking he was supposed to be comic relief. He’s what happens when someone desperately wants a likable, redeemable, villain and we get... Well, as a reminder his opening scene is one of genocide: he pillages and destroys a town with no regret and brutally tortures a man for information. We’re told he’s like this “because evil evil Snoke” and that may well be but throughout the film (and the series) it becomes clear that Kylo Ren’s main motivation is he deseprately wants to be cool. He wants to be a badass like Vader, he dresses in Vader cosplay (either ignoring or not knowing that Vader only dressed like that because his body was completely destroyed), he has these huge temper tantrums and nobody respects him because he’s a toddler in a Vader suit. 

He murders his own father, his parents who (at least in the films themselves) show every willingness to take him back and forgive him what he’s done, so that he can fully embrace his own “evilness”. In other words, he commits patricide to feel cool about himself, then it doesn’t work. 

And the movie series really banks on me feeling conflicted about Kylo Ren or at least wanting him to be redeemed. Granted, the wider internet seems to love him, I just can’t.

Oh, before I forget, the other thing I love about Kylo Ren is that the movies insist he’s a) strong in the Force b) is equal to Rey. Rey consistently beats the shit out of him with 0 training. Kylo Ren has been training in the Force for years. Guys, they are not a Dyad, Rey is far far far stronger than he is and for whatever reason the films never want to admit it. Because I guess we like things coming in pairs now.

But yes, “The Force Awakens”, at a distance not great nor terrible, but a rip off of a movie we’ve already seen that left me going “Welp, the next one’s probably The Empire Strikes Back then I guess we’re getting Ewoks”. I was sort of right on that and sort of wrong.

The Last Jedi

So, JJ Abrams clearly had a vision of where he wanted this sequel trilogy to go. He set up these big questions such as what’s up with Finn, who are Rey’s parents and why was she left on this nowhere planet, will Kylo Ren be redeemed and how, who is Snoke, etc.

Now, I’m not saying these aren’t stupid questions. To be frank, they kind of are. Finn being Force Sensitive was the most inconsequential thing I’ve ever heard of, Rey’s parents should not have been used to drive the plot the way it was, as spoken above I’m clearly team gut Kylo Ren, and that Snoke was actually just Palpatine being the world’s largest cockroach is a beautiful but hilarious answer.

That said, what Johnson did was he decided, “You know what, I’m going to take every trope of Star Wars and completely flip it on its head and absolutely doom the sequel to this movie.”

And by god, he did.

We get a weirdly pointless movie in which Poe, SINGLEHANDEDLY, completely obliterates the Resistance. He first obliterates their bombers by failing to follow command, then goes and bitches about how he’s not put in command when he clearly shows no ability to understand how a military works, actively subverts orders which in turn obliterates the entire Resistance fleet until the only survivors can fit on the Millenium Falcon. They have no ships, no weapons, barely any people, and are ultimately doomed doomed doomed.

We have Finn’s weird subplot with a suddenly introduced character Rose in which the pair aid in Poe’s blowing up the resistance (they send sensitive information using the communication equipment of a guy they do not know, who fully admits to being shady and out for his own skin, and are flabergasted when he betrays them). 

Rose herself is this weirdly sweet person who seems forced into the plot to a) provide a love triangle for Finn and Rey b) provide this forced sunny outlook that I didn’t really need in the film.

We get Rey never really being trained, going into the Cave of Wonders for a few seconds, falling in love with Kylo Ren over weird Force Skype calls (where I did not need to see him shirtless, thank you film) and being horrifically betrayed when Kylo Ren turns out not to be a great guy. Never saw that coming, Rey. 

As for Kylo Ren, well... God, we get Emperor Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren, the Emperor. I’m not even that upset about the anticlimactic murder of Snoke (that was kind of funny, especially in the context of Palpatine going, “Bitch, please, you’re in my chair” immediately in the next film) but just Kylo Ren being emperor. And also that the Resistance only escapes at all because he’s so dumb he made their dumb plans seem smart (i.e. concentrates all his firepower on an illusion for ten minutes while Hux goes, “Emperor, sir, we could actually destroy the Resistance right now.”

Now, you’ll notice I didn’t complain about Luke. A lot of people are upset he became a grumpy, miserable, old hermit who sits around waiting for death. Frankly though, in this universe, that’s exactly where he is. He left “Return of the Jedi” thinking he’d saved the world, he’s resurrected the Jedi Order, and all is well. Only a decade later, his students are all murdered by his nephew, the Empire’s back, and he accomplished nothing. He’s an utter failure as a Jedi (though Luke never realizes he knew jack shit about the Jedi Order and was in way over his head but I guess that’s beyond him). Why shouldn’t he go sit on a rock and wait to die? 

Now, did he have to drink that blue dinosaur milk? Well, I guess it was funny, gross but funny so... Sure, I guess he did. But I do like that he gave Rey 0 training, they had one meditation session and then he whined about how Obi-Wan was such a stupid asshole. And then Rey ran off to be with her boyfriend, who then told her that her parents were gutter trash (which again, was funny, but I don’t think that was supposed to be funny).

Of the characters introduced in the movie, the only one I really liked was the hacker, and it was for the actor/the beautiful way in which he gracefully exited stage left with zero shame going, “You all knew I was going to betray you!” You beautiful man, you.

Rise of the Skywalker

First, when something is called “Rise of the Skywalker” you know you’re in for a rough time.

But anyways, TLJ was filled with a controversy Disney didn’t want (half their audience hated it, half loved it, but at least they sold those penguin dolls) so they desperately get Abrams back. Only, what he clearly wanted from his series has been shot to hell, and now he’s left with Emperor Kylo Ren, a completely obliterated Resistance, a dead Luke, a love interest he never planned to introduce for Finn, Rey’s parental crisis being solved with trash people, Snoke just suddenly dead, Hux planning revenge, and then some.

And so, Abrams goes the brave and hilarious route of shouting “PRETEND THAT LAST MOVIE NEVER HAPPENED”

We open to a fully functioning Resistance (their bomber fleet is back, their fleet period is back, they have all their fully trained personnel). We have Rey getting the Jedi training she needed this time from Leia, who is now a Jedi, because yay feminism rammed down my throat to make the audience feel better. Rose says “It’s cool guys, I don’t want to join the adventure this film, I’m going to stay here and work on robots” so that she can gracefully exit the entire plot. Kylo Ren is demoted from Emperor in two seconds when we discover that a) Snoke was apparently Palpatine b) for unexplained reasons Palpatine’s alive (and I am now convinced that man will never die). Kylo Ren tells Rey at the first opportunity that he lied about her trash parents AND REALLY SHE’S A PALPATINE! THIS WHOLE TIME, REY! THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. I’M SUPER SERIAL THIS TIME, REY.

Basically, in the course of an overly long movie, Abrams desperately shoves in everything he was trying to get out of the series, while sobbing, and sobbing even harder when things like Finn being Force Sensitive or Lando having a secret daughter get caught. I actually agree with the Producers on this, by the way, the Finn trying to tell Rey something scenes were weird and indicative of a love triangle but him being Force Sensitive instead... It says a lot that the movies did not change when it was removed, at all. And Lando was just this strange cameo who was in the film to make us feel nostalgic.

And this isn’t even getting to the ridiculous 24 hour time limit (which made me think there should have been some video game style clock in the corner letting us know when Dawn of the Third Day is coming), Palpatine’s other secret army on a secret Sith planet that can be easily taken down by taking out one navigation tower, Rey’s hilarious struggle with the dark side in which she has a vision of herself in a cape hissing, Kylo Ren’s hilarious redemption in which the movie in the form of Leia and Han Solo says, “Alright, Ben, it’s time to stop being evil” and he says “okay”, the fight with Palpatine in which I’m supposed to believe he dies for reals because... I have no idea why I’m supposed to believe he’s dead. The Reylo, god the Reylo, and Kylo Ren’s tragic, hilarious, death.

And then, of course, the ending where Rey decides she’s a Skywalker now.

I actually did laugh all the way through “Rise of the Skywalker”, you can’t not, I mean it’s a hilariously awful movie. The only thing that might have made it more hilarious was if we actually did get those Ewoks.

TL;DR

They’re all bad movies, if you want more specifics than this, you’re just going to have to ask me questions.