#leaving our broken minds unable to grow

[gyutopia]

overpass graffiti | sim jaeyun

ꕤ DESCRIPTION: “they say we fall in love three times in our lifetime: our first love is the one that breaks us, leaves us hopeless and lost, this then brings us to our second love, the one which picks up the broken pieces of our heart and mends it back together; heals us from the heartache the first left and lastly, our third and final love⏤the love that’s supposed to last. for you, your best friend sim jaeyun happens to be two out of three.”

ꕤPAIRING: best friend!jake x f!reade & second lead!jungwon

ꕤGENRE(S): slice of life!au, soulmate(?)!au

ꕤWORD COUNT: 23.9k

ꕤWARNING(S): loss of virginity, soft dom!jake, sub!reader, oral (f!receiving), p in v intercourse, no protection, drugging (not the reader), underaged drinking, swearing, dry humping, mentions of plan b, mentions of hospitals, possessive!jungwon, mentions of sobriety, heartbreak, allusions to depression, mentions of drinking and smoking, mentions of passing out.

ꕤA/N: i think i have a thing for sim jaeyun and angst.

“Jaeyunie, meet ____. You and her are gonna be best friends.” 

Jake’s mother smiles, a hand lightly on his back, and pushes him forward with a gentle pat.

The moment she steps away from his side however, he panics, looking back at her desperately. He’s met with a smile of encouragement - caring but unsympathetic. Jake swallows harshly, shyness heavy in his throat, and uses all the willpower in his 9 year old body to force himself to look at the small female.

Standing across from him, a girl of roughly the same stature is grinning toothily - or at least she could've been, if she’d had enough teeth. ____, was dressed neatly, her hair laid down with lots of gel and two ponytails with bows holding it all together. Her light purple dress swayed as the gentle breeze blew. In one chubby fist she clutched tightly onto her fathers hand. Jake blushed, if he didn’t firmly believe that girls had cooties he would have sworn her to be the prettiest girl he’s ever laid eyes on so instead he scrunches his nose and says the first thing that comes to his mind and knows will hurt her feelings.

“You’re dirty,” he proclaimes, crossing his arms. “Very dirty.”

At his words, ____’s smile quickly falters and an almost angry look overtakes her face. “Am not!” Sensing his daughter's growing fury, her father steps in.

“____ah, calm down. I’m sure Jaeyun didn’t mean it, why don’t you two spend some time together? Hm? I’m sure you’ll be best friends.”

Not giving his daughter any time to argue, he excuses himself and leaves to go join the other adults by the varanda.

____ crosses her arms and stares up at Jake intimidatingly, “apologize.”

Jake gulps, although he’s a whole head taller than the girl and probably even older, he can’t help but be slightly scared of the icy glare she’s sending his way so he meekly mumbles, “I’m sorry”

However, it doesn’t seem as if ____ is pleased with the half assed apology. She raises an eyebrow and impatiently taps her foot on the grass, “for what?”

He gulps, “for calling you dirty, I didn’t mean it.”

Satisfied with the apology, a wide smile breaks out on ____’s face before she doubles over from laughing so hard. “Y-you should have seen your face!” She abruptly stands and quivers her bottom lip as she stares at Jake, “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” She breaks out into laughter once again, unable to hide her amusement. Jake only frowns and crosses his arms.

“It’s not funny.”

Ignoring his embarrassment, ____ walks right up to him and slings an arm around his neck,  “Let’s be best friends forever, yah, Jaeyunie?”

Usually Jake would have scolded anyone who called him Jaeyunie, his mother and hyung being the only exceptions, but for some reason hearing the name slip out so easily from your mouth seemed comforting. “Okay,” he agreed, slightly hesitant. “You seem kinda stupid, so I can still be number one with you as my best friend.”

You only smiled in response, delighted, before spinning on your heel and running back to your mother and father, who were talking animatedly with his own parents.

What a strange girl, Jake thought. At least she wouldn't be competition.

___

Later that night, both of Jake’s parents and your mother and father were sitting at the table discussing grown-up things while you were in the bathroom and Jake was sitting beside his brother when his name filtered through to his ears. He had been in the process of stabbing the greens off his plate and slowly feeding them to his precious dog Layla when his parents weren’t looking, but at the mention of his name he perks up instantly. 

“...Jake has already been offered scholarships to private middle schools once he finishes elementary but he’ll be attending the private international school his elder brother goes to,” she was bragging again.

Your mother perks up as well, “Wow, that’s so incredible, Suyeon. I think being friends with Jaeyun will really help ____ find some initiative. She’s already so used to being good at things, a little healthy competition is just what she needs.”

Jake’s father nods, gesturing for the maid in the corner to bring over the bottle of wine. “It’s certainly going to help with that. While we’re on this topic, I’d like to invite you to join our study group. We have the best tutors come in and teach the kids after school but only the best of the best are allowed to join, ____ shows a lot of promise.”

Jake listens nervously, watching his father as the maid filled his glass and stepped back.

you’re….smart?

His mother notices him staring, and reaches over to tousle his hair affectionately. “Don’t worry, Jaeyunie,” she croons. “You’ll still be number one. Being friends with kids that are as smart as you is a good thing! You and ____ will have lots more to talk about than you would with anyone else.”

He frowns. He knew sometimes parents lied to kids to stop them from being sad, but his mother would never lie to him. Jake was too clever, he’d figure out the lie before she finished telling it.

“Alright.” He found himself cautious for the second time that day. “As long as I can still be number one.”

Jake in fact did not stay number one for long.

Once you had fully settled into your new life in Australia your grades skyrocketed causing your teachers to bump you up a grade, placing you into Jake’s class, the two of you always went head to head vying for the first rank and each time Jake always fell a point behind.

It aggravated him to no end that you came out of nowhere and completely upended his whole life and identity, Jake had always been the smart one and never had any solid competition so having you seemingly pop out of nowhere and take away the very thing that made him, well him agitated him beyond belief.

But of course this made for a great friendship, while Jake claimed he hated your very existence he soon found himself looking forward to your after school study sessions. You never took them seriously, you always goofed off and made it your life's mission to teach Jake the meaning of fun. It took a while for the boy to warm up to you but you managed to get on his good side with a little bribing of fried chicken and grape soda.

The two of you would wait until your break to sneak out to the fried chicken place down the street to pick up the order you had placed during your tutoring session before heading back to hide in one of the various rooms inside Jake’s spacious home. The two of you would use this time to talk about the annoyances in your life, you would mostly complain about the girls who kept coming up to you to confess their love for Jake and how you were growing quite annoyed with having to turn them down on his behalf. He would only grimace and quickly change the topic to how annoyed he was with you for yet again topping the class rank.

Slowly but surely though, as the two of you began to age, the conversations began to change as he warmed up to you, what used to be pointless bickering and complaining turned into meaningful deep conversations about his fear of attachment, rooted in his father constantly leaving him and his family to go back to Korea for his job overseas. You had slowly become the only constant in Sim Jaeyun’s life and he truly had no intentions of letting you go. You really had become his best friend just like his mother predicted all those years ago.

While it might have taken Jake some time to love you, you loved him from the start. While everyone saw him as the perfect all rounder student you knew he was more than that. You knew he wasn’t perfect, wasn’t some ace who was just naturally talented. No, he worked just as hard- if not harder than his peers to keep up the image he was born to fit. He pulled all-nighters to bring home grades suitable for the assemblyman's son, immersed himself in after school clubs to fill up his resume because God forbid he wasn’t preparing for college at the ripe age of 9, learned multiple languages to become an ambassador for the school and threw himself into learning different instruments and playing different sports to really bring home the title of being an all-rounder.

In everything he pursued, he aced and came out on top. Which is why it irked him to his very core when you came around and knocked him down a peg. You knew right away just how much it bothered him, of course he complained about it every day during your group tutoring sessions but you didn’t really care. If anything it was motivation for you to work even harder to maintain the top spot.

You weren’t doing it out of spite or to intentionally anger him, no you were doing it to show him it’s okay to not always be perfect. It’s okay to rank second, it’s okay to goof off during tutoring sessions when studying is all you ever do, it’s okay to eat junk food when you feel like it and most importantly it’s okay to talk through your emotions with someone. You like to think you ranked first for his own good, to help him realize life is more than just school.

When the two of you reached high school you eased up with working so hard for the top rank but Jake didn’t, he studied all of your summer break before freshman year and placed into a year above you. It annoyed you that you were no longer graduating together but Jake became more lax and carefree knowing he would be graduating a year early, it was refreshing to see a new side of your best friend. Somewhere along the grades of 11 and 12 though, something shifted.

Jake was never unattractive but you never really took note of just how attractive he could be until your junior year.

___

“He’s gonna say no, Sarah.”

“We’re just looking out for you. He’s always hanging out with ____. They’re probably secretly dating, why don’t you just ask someone else?”

“I don’t know why you’re so set on him. I heard he’s already turned down six girls this month. six.”

Jake was just trying to get his calc homework done, bent over in the back of the library with his textbook open in front of him, eyes glued to the page. He spares you a frantic look, desperate to get your attention and convey that it was time to leave before it happened again. 

You, of course, were not paying attention. You were splayed out haphazardly on the chair across from him, headphones in and scribbling in your notebook. You had a smudge of graphite on your nose from scratching it in the middle of your doodling session.

You hum peacefully, completely unaware of your friend's turmoil.

It was everywhere. Prom. It was one stupid night, and he was fully planning on spending it wrapped up in blankets in his living room with you watching romcoms. It was the senior prom and he refused to attend a social event he knew you wouldn’t be at.

Unfortunately, Jake was alone in that feeling, the girls whispering from the table behind the two of you were right. He’d been asked six times. Six excruciating experiences of being cornered by a near stranger who smiled too sweetly and asked him to be their date, six separate occasions on which he’d stuttered a “sorry” and bowed deeply, ducking out before they could say any more.

And by this point, he just really, really didn’t want to have to turn down another girl. He felt like absolute crap.

Jake reaches out, tugging at your school uniform. “____” he whisper-yells.

You shrug him off and pout, “you’ll mess me up. Stop.”

He persists however, this time more aggressive and even goes the extra mile and pulls out one of your airpods. “I’ll buy you dinner please can we just go?”

You finally look up from your work slightly agitated and a full on pout graces your lips, if it were any other time Jake would take a moment to admire how adorable you look but it wasn’t.

“Why do you wanna leave so badly?” you huff out.

Before Jake can answer though he’s cut off by Sarah, one of the girls who has made her way over to your table.

“Jake?”

At the mention of his name his eyes squeeze shut and it hits you like a truck on why he was so adamant to leave. This time it’s the girl from his IB Latin class who he tutored on occasion.

She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, you wonder what Jake’s response is going to be this time. She’s very pretty.

“Yes?” He croaks out. Behind him, you sit up in your seat, ready to step in if needed.

She looks down, hands twisting together and fidgets and steps side to side, but when she sucks in a sharp inhale and looks up her eyes are filled with determination. Jake feels queasy, almost as if he’s about to vomit.

“Do you maybe want to go to prom with me?”

Jake swallows the lump in his throat, guilt twisting everything into a knot. You see his knuckles turn white as he makes a fist and you resume your drawing, knowing what his answer will be.

“I’m sorry,” he manages. “But I don’t plan on going.”

Your brow shoots up in shock, you never figured he was rejecting all these girls because he simply didn’t want to go, you thought he was just waiting for the right moment to ask the girl he truly wanted to go with. You never asked why he was so closed off about prom, you figured he would tell you in his own time when he was ready.

“Can I ask why?” She lets her hands fall to her side. “Even if you don’t wanna go with me, I think you’d have a lot of fun.” She retreats back to her friends before he can respond. Jake tries not to notice the way they shake their heads sympathetically and pat her back in comfort.

“She’s right you know, prom would be fun.” you say as you shut your sketchbook. “Plus, she seems really sweet.”

Jake rolls his eyes “you sound like my mom.”

“Ha ha,” you drawl, stretching and arching off the chair like a cat. “I really don’t understand why you don’t want to go. It’s your last chance to enjoy a high school dance.”

The previous year, while you were in your sophomore year and Jake in his junior year he skipped out on prom, choosing to attend his model UN conference instead as his dad had put an emphasis on how much more important the meeting was compared to prom.

Jake shrugs and reaches for your backpack to pull out some snacks you packed for him, “it makes it real.”

“Makes what real?” you tilt your head to the side and patiently wait for him to collect his thoughts to elaborate on what was bugging him.

Jake sighs. “That this is the end.” he mummers, “after prom it’s graduation, and after grad I’m off to the states for uni…away from you.”

Your heart skips a beat and your hands start to get clammy at his words. You try to subtly rub your hands on your skirt and sit up straighter, confused as to why his words have such a strong effect on you.

“We’ve never spent more than a week apart from each other and now we’re going to be thousands of miles apart for a year. I can’t go to prom knowing you won’t be there and that it brings me one step closer to leaving.” he continues, he doesn’t look at you as he lays his emotions bare for you, rather he focuses on organizing his snack options.

Your heart twinges at the reminder that he was leaving for Yale in the fall, this would be the last summer spent together for who knows how long. As much as the reminder upsets you, you still plaster a smile on your face and playfully roll your eyes.

“Did you forget our promise? You and me, forever and always. We have all of summer to make as many memories as we went and even after you leave we can facetime, technology has come a long way y’know.” You reach out to take the bag of chips he had settled on eating to open for him before handing it back. “Distance means nothing. I’ll always have time for my best friend, plus when I go to Harvard I’ll only be two hours away. Enjoy the time you have left in Australia. You'll probably miss it more than me when you actually leave.”

Jake shakes his head, “doubt it but you do make a valid point.”

You smirk and shrug, “when do I not?” You clear your throat. “Does this mean you’ll go to prom?”

He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth and tilts his head side to side before asking, “go to prom with me?”

This time you can’t hide your shock, it’s not odd for you and Jake to be pairs for most social events but for some reason him asking you to be his date for his first and only prom causes heat to rise to your cheeks.

“W-what?”

“What? I can’t see myself going with anyone else, I’m most comfortable around you. Plus when I think back to my senior prom I want to remember how much fun I had and when I’m with you all the stress I’m under suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.” He states.

“Stop being corny,” you hiss weakly, fumbling with the straps on your bag. “It’s not a good look.”

Jake giggles, “what? Do you want me to get down on my knees instead? Do a promposal?”

Your eyes widen, mortified at the idea of him putting together a grandiose promposal. “You’re such a little shit, I swear—“

“Hold on, siri play stand by me by be—“

You pick up your sketchbook and hurl it at his head causing him to duck out of the way and fall out of his chair onto the floor with the force of his laughter. Hearing his laugh causes a pinch in your heart.

When he finally manages to pull himself together and off the ground, he wipes at his eyes and sighs. “Seriously, though.” He hums. “Will you go to prom with me?”

You swallow thickly, averting your eyes to the floor. “Sure.” you say quietly. “I guess so.”

You're uncharacteristically nervous for prom. Your mom insisted on taking the day off from work to help you get ready when you told her Jake had asked you to go with him.

You thought she was being dramatic but she swore up and down, left and right- that this was the beginning to your ‘blooming love story’.

She brought you to a salon to have your hair and makeup done and even splurged on a $900 dress. You’re beyond grateful to have a mother as understanding and loving as she is. Your father is away on business and unable to make it to take pictures so your mom has been documenting the whole day to share with him, the two of you are currently in your bedroom as she paints your toes.

“Mom?”

She hums in reply and puts down a new coat of nail polish on your big toe. “How’d you know dad was the one?”

Your heart is quiet in your chest, a calm thumping rather than the stutter it had been at all week as you wait for her response. She softly smiles before responding.

“He showed up to my dorm room with pedialyte and carpet cleaner.” She caps the nail polish and cleans around the edges of your toes. “We had been dating for some time and I was supposed to attend a business summit with him but I had a stomach bug and threw up all over my dorm. Your dad didn’t hesitate to drop his plans for the day and showed up to take care of me. He was the first person to ever put me before anything else and I just knew I loved him when he showed up with no clue on what to do but willing. He didn’t care about what his dad had to say about skipping the event or anything else, just me.”

You hum and fiddle with your hands as you think back to moments you’ve shared with Jake. The first one your brain recalls is the first time you got your period. Unfortunately it happened during your school's nature classroom trip. You were up in the woods for the week learning about nature and science through different activities and during your first night there you got your period. You walked around the whole day with blood stains on your shorts and cramps you couldn’t account for. You were beyond embarrassed come dinner time. You had no girl friends in the grade to ask for help and the boys made it a show of embarrassing you at dinner by pouring ketchup all over your seat. Jake was having none of it though, he came up to you at your table and wrapped his hoodie around your waist before grabbing your arm and leading you out of the canteen to the nurse on site.

He stayed by your side that night watching stand by me on your phone outside the cabins getting bit by mosquitoes. He didn’t complain or make any jokes of his own, rather stayed silent and let you have the quiet time you needed. When the two of you finally retreated back to your separate rooms you found a little gift basket on your bed filled with different types of pads, tampons, a heating pack and some chocolates. Apparently while you were walking around with stained shorts Jake was going around collecting different menstrual items from the girls in your grade to give to you, his way of helping.

It did make your heart flutter at the time but you chalked it up to your period hormones and never spoke on how it made you feel to anyone…Was that when you started to fall in love with your best friend?

Your doorbell goes off and you feel anxiety seep into your bones. Your mom senses this and holds your hand to give it a firm squeeze. “don’t stress about something you’re not sure about, okay? I want you to have fun tonight - both of you.”

You nod at her, loving how she knows exactly what was plaguing your mind, you let her lead you out your room and out to the living room. She lets go of your hand and walks over to the door, opening it wide.

“Wow.” You and Jake exclaim simultaneously as soon as you see each other. The butterflies in your stomach erupt once again at the sight of him; dressed in an sleek black suit with the first three buttons of his black undershirt undone, his hair has been bleached blonde and styled down with a part in the middle.

“You look…amazing.” Jake breathlessly lets out, staring at you in complete awe.

You blush and flatten out invisible wrinkles in your dress. “Thank you so do you, I love your hair.”

He smiles and shakes his fringe out of his eyes, “thanks. Figured why not try something new. Ready to go?”

“Woah woah woah, hold on, you two aren’t going anywhere without taking pictures!” His mom appears from behind him, “Let me go get my phone real quick!”

Your mom claps her hands as scurries off to retrieve her phone, “Oh, yes! I have to take pictures for your dad.”

Jake walks up next to you and you’re sure your heart is about to beat out of your chest. “You look really great, ____.”

“You’re not so bad yourself. Blonde was a great idea.” You bring your hand up to fix his parting a bit more. “It’s a nice contrast with the all black suit.”

“Yeah.” He swallows, looking down at his shoes.

“Okay! I have my phone!” Your mom says as she returns, instructing both of you to move out to her garden in the backyard and stand by the peonies for the photo.

“This might take a while.” You whisper to him and he chuckles, gently placing a hand on your lower exposed back.

“Won’t you get cold later?”

You shrug, “probably. Good thing your mother raised you to be a gentleman.” It takes him a second to register your words, scoffing in disbelief once he realizes what you were hinting towards but he doesn’t argue knowing he really will give you his jacket the second he sees you shiver.

“Smile!”

___

After a long process of taking pictures the two of you finally head out with Jake driving you guys to prom. Upon arriving you’re amazed at how extravagant the venue looks. Just another perk of attending a private school you think to yourself.

After finding parking the two of you head inside to find your table, you’re sharing it with your two friends Kairo and Mei and a random couple who snagged their tickets at the last minute (Jun and Luna).

“Jake! ____!” Kairo and Mei are in the entryway to the ballroom, waiting for the two of you where they texted they would be standing.

Mei walks forward, a greeting never making it past her lips, as she reaches out to brush Jake’s fringe out of his eyes. “Sorry, it was bothering me.” She mumbles as she steps back.

You know her intentions are innocent but with the way Jake’s cheeks flush red and he can barely meet her gaze you feel a twinge of jealousy and sadness. Since when was he flustered by Mei? The four of you met during SAT Prep and formed your own study group to help each other out during midterms and finals your freshman year (Jake’s sophomore) the dynamic between you all was pretty formal. The four of you didn’t make plans to go to the movies or the mall like other kids your age, it was strictly studying and neither of you minded it. Kairo and Mei fulfilled you and Jake in an academic sense while you and Jake met all your social and more emotional needs together.

So why the hell was he all blushy at Mei fixing his hair? Why didn’t he react the same when you fixed his parting?

“Should we go in?” Kairo asks.

“That sounds great,” you grit out, your grip tightening on your clutch.

Mei slides up next to Kairo and slips her arm back through his. The four of you walk in and find your table. Kairo pulls out Mei’s seat and Jake follows, doing the same for you.

“So Jake, are you excited for commencement?” Mei asks once you’ve all taken your seats.

Jake clears his throat, “more nervous than excited. Can’t believe it’s all finally over.”

The three of them go back and forth in idle talk before Jake slowly eases his way out of the conversation, mindlessly nodding at what your friends are saying and leaving you to your thoughts.

He’s uncharacteristically silent though as he bobs his head to the music. Seeing as you know him better than yourself, you know he’s nervous - but why?

Was he thinking of Mei? The thought makes you feel sick; you have no reason to be jealous because you’re just his best friend and your feelings are a jumbled mess you can’t navigate through- you don’t even know what you want from him. He can’t fix what he doesn’t know is broken.

Your mind is absolutely blank as you stare down at your hands on your lap. You only snap out of it when a large hand engulfs yours, but you don’t dare to look at him. You can’t.

“Are you okay?”

There they are again; the stupid butterflies winding up in the confines of your stomach. “Yeah,” You remove his hands from yours, “I’m fine.”

Jake reluctantly lets you pull his hand away, knowing something’s wrong but he doesn’t want to push. You compose yourself and remind yourself about your words to Jake; this is his last school dance. It needs to be memorable.

So you’ll make it memorable.

As the night goes on with the food served and multiple performances happening, you’re able to loosen up and forget your worries.

“Do you want to join the dance floor?” Kairo asks as he eyes the growing dance floor.

“No.” You frantically respond, earning a look of judgment from Mei.

“Yes!” She exclaims, grabbing both you and Kairo before dragging you out of your seats with a gleeful giggle.

You try to grab on to Jake for help, but your hand merely grazes his as you’re pushed to the dance floor. On the dance floor, other people have jumped into the idea of dancing and in no time, it’s filled with dancing students.

A little while later, Jake joins the three of you and your little dance circle moves around each other for a few songs; you’re all laughing and you’re genuinely starting to enjoy yourself. Eventually, Kairo and Mei leave to go take a breather leaving you alone with Jake.

“Are you feeling any better?” He leans down to your ear and tries to speak over the loud music.

You nod, “Ye-”

You’re cut off by the loud upbeat music dying out and picking back up but this time a soft violin intro fills the room, you recognize the song instantly. The live orchestra begins playing the chorus of nobody gets me by Sza, you watch as everyone around you pairs up and when you turn around, Jake is already looking at you with a small smile tugging on his lips.

His ears are tinged pink as he offers you a shrug, “Do you wanna dance?” He holds out his hand to you.

You take it with baited breath and immediately at the touch, the butterflies are at it again. You step closer to him and place your other hand on his shoulder while his other goes to your back, where your skin is exposed.

He’s gone back to being unusually quiet again; he’s just leading you to the slow beat of the song and looking away, only meeting your eyes when he catches your lingering gaze.

“____, you’ve been out of it all night. Are you really okay?” He quietly asks, his brows furrowing.

“I…” For a moment, you consider confessing what’s weighing on your heart but you panic. How would he react if he knew?

“____?”

“I think I’m in love with you.” You blurt out, a heavy sigh leaving your lips as soon as the words come out. You feel a little lighter knowing you’ve said your peace but your heart races in panic as you wait for his response.

“Oh,”  Jake whispers. It could have been your imagination but you swear his eyes look just as dizzy and unfocused as your own. His lips part maybe to say something more, but close as quickly as they opened and his gaze flickers down to your lips.

“I-” You choke on your words, shame and regret instantly flooding your body. You want to curl up and hide in a hole but you can’t. Jake is holding on to you too tightly and you’ve already let the cat out of the bag. Might as well get it all off your chest. “I-I don’t know when it happened but I know my feelings aren’t platonic anymore. You’re all I can ever seem to think about, when you touch me it feels like butterflies are swimming in my stomach and the thought of you even being interested in someone else makes me sick to my stomach.”

You take a deep breath, “I think I’m in love with you Jake. I love the little things that make you Jake, your obsession with math and physics, your ability to make anyone you speak to feel truly seen, how you rely on God to get you through hardships you face.” You continue to drone on and on about the quirks you love about your best friend, not noticing the way his lips tip upward in a wide grin.

“I love you.” You confess.

“____?” He asks, voice even.

“Yeah?”

“Stay still.”

Jake steps forward and wraps his hand delicately around the back of your neck, he doesn’t miss the way your hooded eyes follow his movement. He stands up straighter, he’s so close that your noses brush against each other ever so slightly. 

The flush on Jake’s cheekbones is clear as day, a lovely rose pink.

He takes one final deep breath and leans in to plant a kiss on your awaiting lips. The moment your lips touch, you feel a spark of electricity jolt through your body but as quick as it comes, however, and before you can react, he’s already swiftly pulling away.

When the two of you pull back, your eyes are wide open, gaze fixed on Jake’s face, his lips left slightly parted. His entire body is vibrating with warmth and anxiety, hardly able to keep still.

Jake stares at you, still feeling the desire pooling in his stomach, and wonders if he had made a mistake.

“____,” Jake calls, quietly. “____.”

He begins to hold his breath. Did he overstep?

“Did you…” You begin, eyes wide, flickering rapidly across his face. “Did you…just…”

“Yeah,” Jake replies, his voice cracking a tad. “Yeah, I did.”

There’s a silence between the two of your for a long second before you collect your bearings and clear your throat and say,

“Do it again.”

Jake feels numb, unable to be shaken or moved by the world around him, so he steps back in and tilts his head to the side, kissing you once again like you asked. 

You can barely hear the crowd around you over the sound of your own heartbeat.  Jake kisses you softly, almost shyly. A gentle hand slides down to your hip, anchoring you in place, a solid touch while the rest of the world slowly fades away. 

You can’t think about anything other than the feeling of Jake’s lips finally on your own. You continue to kiss Jake until you feel his hand leave your hip and he gently pulls his lips away.

You keep your eyes shut for a second longer, body thrumming with warmth and energy, you feel Jake’s forehead knock against yours after a beat. When you finally open your eyes, like always, Jake was staring right back at you.

“I love you too.”

Following prom you feel as though you’re on cloud nine. After your shared confessions and heated kisses Jake took you outside of the venue to discuss where things would go from here. He only had three more months left in Australia before he had to leave for Yale but he knew he would be a fool if he let you go.

The two of you came to the conclusion that you would take things slow and enjoy the little time you had together working towards being a couple and pick things back up once you graduated and made your way to the states to join Jake.

Things truly felt perfect, Jake would come by your home every now and then to take you on impromptu dates with a new bouquet everytime and an explanation on why he chose those specific flowers. On days where he was too busy getting ready for his upcoming semester to take you out, you would pack him little lunches and drive the two of you down to the park you would often visit in your childhood and have little picnics while listening to him go on about how excited he was for the physics program at Yale.

The people who had been in your lives and watched you grow up together were thrilled at the direction in which your relationship was going. Both your parents were delighted when Jake broke the news that you were officially seeing each other on a romantic level working towards eventually dating. You would often have Sunday brunch together after going to church with his family and yours before sneaking off to his room to cuddle on his bed for an afternoon nap.

Had you known this is what would come with confessing, you would have told Jake way sooner but sadly, time had passed and the date of Jake’s departure from Australia was fastly approaching. He has a week left and he’s determined to make it the best one yet.

“Let's road trip to Sydney.”

You stop fiddling with Jake's fingers and turn your head to look up at him from your position on his chest. “What?”

He smiles down at you before placing a quick kiss to your forehead. “You heard me, let’s take a road trip to Sydney.”

You playfully roll your eyes. “Yeah I heard you dummy but why?”

He shrugs and entwines your hands once more. “Why not? It’s my last week and we talked about road tripping down there for spring break but someone,” he pauses to poke at your side with his free hand drawing out some giggles form you his heart warming at the sound, “-just had to get sick the night before we were supposed to leave.”

You let out a groan, “you’re never going to let that go are you?” Jake hums, “absolutely not.”

You huff in thought, “it’s a nine hour drive Jake…”

He sits up forcing you to do the same as well, turning to face him. “We can take turns. Plus my flights’ leaving from Sydney, we could go to the airport together and have a proper goodbye without my parents bugging us.”

You bite down on your lip seriously considering Jake’s impromptu idea. Within the past three months you’ve had to share Jake with so many people- his soccer team, his orchestra friends, his family. Everyone. Alone time was scarce and the thought of a getaway to Sydney where it would be just the two of you and no distractions sounded lovely.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?”

You hum and move to sit on his lap and throw your hands over his shoulders. “Why not?”

A huge smile breaks out on Jake's face causing you to smile as well, something about seeing him happy always managed to bring you happiness. It should be scary, just how willing you are to sacrifice for Jake but for some reason you always throw caution to the wind the second he comes around. You’d give him the world if you could.

You feel Jake wrap his arms around your waist and slowly slide his hands under your shirt to caress your back. “What's going on in that pretty head of yours, love?”

You begin playing with the hair on the nape of his neck and whisper out, “thinking bout’ how I'd give you the world.” Jake’s hands pause at the base of your back, clearly caught off guard, you look down at his eyes and see how dark they’ve gotten. Desire and love pooling in the hues of his brown eyes. “You are my world.”

He leans in as he finishes his sentence and places his lips on yours. The feeling of his lips is incredibly warm as he pushes them against yours, slightly chapped but otherwise still soft. The amount of emotion he puts into kissing you isn’t like anything you felt before, there’s more desire in this kiss compared to all the others you’ve shared. The feeling of his tongue sweeping against the plumpness of your lower lip and the heat from his body sends butterflies to your stomach.

His hands fall down to your hips, pushing up your t-shirt to feel the softness of your stomach beneath his palms with battered breaths before pushing you back. He makes quick work of flipping you so your back is now on the mattress and it’s him straddling you. You gasp at the feeling of the soft mattress beneath you, his body pinning you deeper back as he continues exploring your mouth with his own.

You pull back slightly, breathing heavily and your lips red and plump with saliva. Jake smirks at the sight, his thumb coming up to pull down your bottom lip with the tip of his finger before moving his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck.

The strands of his hair are silky beneath your fingertips, gasping and tugging at the roots as he bites down on a certain area of your neck that makes your core clench.

“Jaeyun,” you whisper, whimpering at the feeling of his palm applying pressure lightly against your navel. “Are we-?”

He slowly pulls away from you and adamantly shakes his head. “No.” you whine in protest as he pulls away and lays beside you once more. He pulls you close to his chest before confessing to you. “I want our first time to be romantic, not some quick fuck in my bedroom.” He kisses your temple. “You deserve more than that.”

The Following Day - 1:36PM

“Ready to head out?” 

You whirl around to find Jake standing in front of you and your parents, having just finished packing your suitcases in the trunk of his car and is now looking over at you with a tilt in his head. 

You nod and smile brightly. “Of course,” You say, turning to your mom and dad to bid them one fast farewell. “I was just saying bye.” 

He nods in understanding, waving to your parents, “I promise we’ll be safe and if anything happens you’ll be the first we call.” He says to reassure your parents, more so your dad who was a bit more hesitant to the last minute idea.

Your dad nods stiffly at Jake, “take good care of her. No drinking or scandalous activities, I’m not ready for any grandchildren.”

You gasp at your dads words and swat at his chest. “Dad! Stop embarrassing me!” He only tisks in your direction.

“You know what's more embarrassing? Having to finish your senior year pregn-”

“-Ahhh. Dad, stop it! I promise we’ll make smart choices!”

He chortles at your flushed expression and leans in for a hug. “I’m only messing with you.” You hug him back before pulling away to give your mother a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

“See you in a week!”

After pulling away Jake steps forward to hug your parents goodbye as well.

“Be safe Jake, we’ll miss seeing you so often! Make sure to call us if you ever need anything once in the states, okay?” Your mom softly says to him as she holds his face in her hands, tears slowly filling her eyes. Over the years Jake has slowly become like a son to her, she was used to cooking extra knowing he’d come over for dinner after your tutoring sessions. She had even turned one of the spare bedrooms into a personal room for Jake, allowing him to sleepover when his parents were out of town for business.

You can only imagine how much she's going to miss him, maybe as much as you know you’ll be missing him.

He nods and sniffs, is he crying too? “Of course auntie, I’m really going to miss our Friday night movie marathons.”

You smile bitterly beginning to fight back tears of your own. Your father was always away for weekend meetings in Melbourne starting Friday night into Saturday evening and as captain of the varsity volleyball team you had late night practices every Friday meaning you wouldn’t be back home until the dead of night and your mother was left all alone. Jake, having nothing to do once classes were done would often go over to your home to keep her company so she wouldn’t be all alone in your home. It was a little tradition the two kept up over the years.

You hadn't given yourself time to really mourn the idea of being separated from Jake for an entire year but watching him say his tearful goodbyes to your parents is really putting into perspective just how entwined your lives are. He’s your everything and how he’s leaving, how are you going to manage your senior year without your best friend?

 “We should get going.” 

“Mhmm.” You look over at Jake and reach a hand out to wipe away his fallen tears. “It’s okay.” 

The two of you say one last goodbye before getting into Jake’s range rover, you look out the window to see your parents waving you off. You slide back into the passenger seat of his car and put on your seatbelt now processing the fact that this is the last week you have with Jake.

There is a silence as Jake is starting the car, and a part of you wants to die. On one hand you want to cry and beg him to stay but on the other you know if you do, Jake will differ his offer and take a year off to be with you. That’s the last thing you want, he deserves happiness. That’s all you’ve ever wanted for him. If that means braving a smile for now while your heart is in turmoil so be it.

Jake is the first to break the silence.

“That was a lot harder than I thought it would be.” He drives down your driveway before making a right to pull into the neighborhood.

“Goodbyes are never easy.”

“Yeah but…I didn't cry when saying bye to my parents but something about your parents made leaving seem all the more ...real?”

“It’s only natural, you spent more time with us. You’re like their second child.”

Jake hums in thought, “I don’t think I’lll survive having to say goodbye to you.”

You purse your lips thinking about what your goodbye would be like. Would there be tears? Unspoken words? “I think you’ll be just fine.” You reach out for his right hand that lays on the gear shift and hold it tightly. “It’s only temporary.”

The next nine hours are spent singing old 90’s love songs and making pit stops every now and then to stock up on some new snacks and to switch off so Jake isn’t so tired. During your third stop is when Jake pulls out a camera and begins vlogging the remainder of the trip claiming it would be nice to look back at it once the trip is over.

Once you finally make it to your destination, you pull into the driveway and place the car in park before looking around at your surroundings. The home is modern with nothing but natural light, it’s surrounded by trees to still give you enough privacy but it’s secluded from the other homes on the lane.

“Oh my gosh it’s so pretty.”

You open the door and immediately extend your legs out onto the solid ground beneath you. You let out a sigh of satisfaction and Jake laughs from next to you. 

He’s opening his own car door soon after, but he straightens up into a standing position pretty quickly and stretches upwards. He closes the car door behind him, watching as you eventually pull yourself together to do the same. 

You turn to face him. “I’m gonna use the bathroom.” You gesture towards the airbnb and earn a nod from Jake, who mentions something about doing the same thing. You meet back at the car a few minutes later. 

Jake gestures to the trees surrounding the home. “Want to take a walk around the area? I think I saw a park when we pulled into the neighborhood.” 

You nod. “That sounds like a good idea.” 

“Why don’t you get started? I’ll catch up.” Jake watches you leave, before opening the trunk of his car and rummaging around. 

He does catch up with you, quickly enough that you hardly notice that he had sent you out first. You hear his footsteps, and the call of your name, causing you to turn around. “Jake!” 

The sight before you makes you smile brightly. Standing before you is Jake, with his polaroid in hand. The lens is pointed right at you. As soon as you’re staring straight into the camera, Jake grins. “Say cheese” 

You giggle and close your eyes before making a little peace sign. You hear the little click and the flash illuminates your face. You open your eyes to find Jake smiling down at the little printed picture waiting for it to develop. “I can’t believe you brought that.”

“I’m a photographer at heart, what did you expect?” Jake teases back. “Besides, it’s really pretty around here. I need some pictures for my dorm.” 

You blush at the thought of him putting up a picture of you on his dorm wall. The pair of you begin to make your way to the park, taking in the view from different angles. The stroll is mostly just to get rid of the pent up energy, but it’s still a nice view to admire. As soon as you arrive at the park you ditch Jake to run to the swing set.

“Push me?”

Jake rolls his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief but still walks behind you to push you forward.

“Did you know my brother and I got in trouble with our mom because of how high we would swing you?” Jake giggles, “she was worried we’d push you too high and you’d go flying.”

“I blame your brother. He turns everything into a competition.”

“So do you!” Jake exclaims. You quickly stop the swing with your feet to turn back at him with a judgmental look on your face. “When we were a little older and Jaehyun left us to push each other you would get annoyed that I didn't push you as hard as you did for me.”

“It's true though.”

You scoffed, “at least I didn’t actually push you off your seat.”

He laughs at the memory, “we’re stronger now, do you wanna see who can go higher?”

“knowing exactly how strong you are… uh, not really? but whatever, let’s do it!” you brace yourself on the swing and start pulling yourself back to get momentum.

“Okay, wait! Wait!” he rushes to the seat beside yours and pushes it as far as his hips can go, already giving him an advantage. “Okay, go!”

Childish laughter escapes both of you as you let yourselves swing back and forth, trying to put your weight in properly to reach higher than each other. it really felt like you were kids again, you felt at peace, a part of you never wanted this night to end.

The next few days fly by and just like that it’s the night before Jake’s flight. You had spent your time in Sydney visiting the opera house, late night dinner dates and excursions all over the bustling city. There truly never was a dull moment within this week that’s come to pass. Getting to make new memories with Jake is exactly what you needed.

The two of you have just gotten back from dinner at Altitude, a restaurant overlooking the opera house. You’re now in your shared bathroom dressed in one of Jake’s old tee’s and a thong doing your nightly skin care routine as Jake undresses in the bedroom, getting ready for his nightly shower. You look at his reflection through the mirror as he takes off his shirt. Your eyes skim down his toned chest, desire pooling in the pits of your stomach. Throughout your time here it’s been nothing but makeouts and little pecks throughout the day. You wonder if he’ll finally make a move tonight.

“I can feel you staring, love.”

“That’s the point.”

Jake doesn’t say anything in response but rather slides up behind you and peppers your neck with gentle kisses. He cages you between his body and sink and presses his hips into your back. Your eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his fully hard cock pressing against your lower back.

Jake’s eyes rake your body through the mirror, desire burning in his irises. he shifts his eyes to stare at your lips before moving back to turn you around and face him and press himself directly to your front before leaning down and in. He takes his time, giving you the opportunity to pull away but you don’t. You want this.

He leans forward and allows his lips to graze yours, the faintest of touches. “Are you sure you want to do this darling? We don't have to.” Jake asks softly.

You shyly nod your head and lean in to close the gap but he pulls ways and shakes his head, “no love. I need to hear you say yes.”

“Yes, I want to do this, Jaeyun.” You push forward allowing your lips to touch. He groans once your lips make contact. You’re unable to focus on anything other than the feeling of his lips on yours.

You can faintly taste the shirley temple he had at dinner on his tongue. He sucks harder on your lip and brings one hand down in between your things to prod at your pulsing heat.

He pulls away to let his eyes drink in the sight of you before leaning down to pick you up. you let out a yelp and grasp onto his biceps for protection, “w-what are you doing?” You sputter.

“I can’t make love to you properly on the sink, darling.”

You blush at his words and bury your face into his chest, after a few strides Jake is gingerly placing you on the bed.

He gets onto his knees and straddles your hips before reaching out to help you out of your shirt. You breathe in deeply savoring the way he feels pressed against you. the feeling of his warm fingers moving under the hem of your shirt across your stomach. He lifts it off of your body and tosses it across the room.

“Thank you for trusting me with your body.” Jake says before leaning back in and places his lips on yours yet again.

You moan into the kiss before he trails kisses down your jaw to your neck, his teeth brushing over your skin and making you shiver regardless of the heat being provided by Jake’s skin pushed up against yours. You close your eyes and relish the feeling.

With his lips still pressed against your neck, he whispers, “what do you want love?”

Your eyes flutter open as he slowly pulls away to look at you.

“I won’t do anything until you tell me what you want.” He reiterates before placing his lips back onto your neck, biting down making it harder for you to form a coherent sentence.

“I-i don’t know.” You say breathily but he chuckles in your ear, “yes you do love, tell me what you want so I can make you feel good.” He says as he gently tugs at your underwear, you whine and raise your hips off the bed to allow him to take it off faster. He tisks, “I need to hear you say it.” You look up at him to meet his gaze, “I want you to touch me.”

His gaze hardens, “spread your legs doll.” He orders.

He shifts his position and allows you to spread your legs before slotting himself in between them. He taps his fingers against your hips silently asking you to raise them. You shyly lift them to the best of your ability and let him pull them off of you, your arousal clinging to your underwear and clit.

Once you’re completely naked, he brings his lips to your chest and roughly kisses your skin, his tongue probing at your nipple. You whimper when he bites your left nipple, the feeling overwhelming. He pulls back and looks at your bare body.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful.” He mumbles before leaning down to toy with your pussy.

“You’re so wet too. Did our kissing turn you on so much, love?” Jake asks, smirking down at you. your face heats up at his words but you don’t respond. He looks back down at your pussy and shifts his position so he’s laying down in front of your pussy. He lets his pointer finger circle your clit for a little before running it along the slit of your folds. You let out a mewl at the feeling wanting more. “P-please Ja..” You moan.

“Patience, love.”

He dips one finger into you and you hiss at the feeling. It’s been a while since you’ve been touched down there and you’re extremely sensitive. “You’re so tight,” he says, pushing his finger deeper until the entire digit is buried snuggly inside you. You close your eyes and tug at the bedsheets, loving the feeling of him fingering you.

You’re a moaning mess by the time he manages to slide his whole finger into you. You clench around his fingers as he slides them in and out of your snatch and grasp onto your bedsheets. “Does it feel nice to be stuffed with my fingers?” Jake asks.

You know your voice will fail you so you adamantly nod your head. Jake picks up the pace and your hips move to his strokes. Jake licks his lips when he feels your walls clenching tightly around his digits.

“I-i think I’m close.”

His fingers curl inside of you which causes your hips to jerk upwards. “Are you cunning?” He asks cheekily.

You nod eagerly, “yes!” your eyes snap shut as you enjoy the feeling, “o-oh my gosh” you cry as you feel him kiss the inside of your thighs. He trails the kisses upwards until he’s face to face with your pussy and places a soft kiss on the nub before sucking on it, his tongue flicking around. He pulls his pointer and middle finger out so he can eat you out freely.

He licks the slit of your folds and firmly grips the flesh of your thighs most likely leaving marks.  Marks that would remind you of this moment later on.

Jake picks up the pace, he’s going so fast that you let out a quiet scream. You fist and unfist your sheets as you rock your hips against his face and come.

Your orgasm hits you so hard that tears fill your vision.

Jake allows you to ride out your high before coming up from your private parts and leans back down to place a chaste kiss on your lips.

“Are you feeling alright love?” He asks as he strokes your hair. You’re heaving, trying to catch your breath.

“Yes.”

“Do you want to continue?”

You nod but then remember Jake wants verbal responses, “I do.”

Jake wastes no time in removing his shorts and boxers and gently moves up your body. you wrap your arms around his neck. “C-can you be gentle?” You sheepishly ask.

Your question sends an immediate reaction to Jake’s dick, he swears he could have busted a nut right then and there. “Of course doll, I'll be gentle.”

He tentatively strokes your folds with two fingers, eyes darting back up to yours to check your response. You hiss, still a bit sensitive. “Is this okay? Are you sensitive?”

“I’m fine,” you assure, “go ahead, I’m okay.”

He nods, gathering some of your wetness and smears it on his cock, a moan of relief leaving his swollen lips. “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be buried inside of you,” he says, angling himself better and positioning his cock near your entrance.

“Please,” you whimper, biting back a cry once his length breaches your entrance. Jake lets out a guttural growl, slowly sinking into you and bottoming out letting you adjust to his length.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jake says, rolling his hips torturously slow. “You were made for me, love. Just for me.”

You open your eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m ready, you can move now.”

Jake leans forward to place a kiss on your cheek, then on your jaw, and then on your neck. As Jake busies himself there he slowly begins to thrusts in and out of you.

Your hands are all over him; clawing his back, gripping his biceps. “Love,” he whispers, “you feel so good.”

The sound of your bodies slapping against each other plus your loud wanton moans and the creaking from the bed is all that can be heard reverberating around in the home. He thrusts two more times, his hips stuttering before he chokes out, “mm gonna cum.”

You scratch at his sides and bite your lip to suppress your moan, “m-me too.”

“You can cum love,” Jake coos. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you closer to his body, the feeling of your chest pressed against him and his dick pounding into you is enough to send you over the edge.

“I’m cumming!” You mumble into his skin. Jake groans at the feeling of you cumming on his dick before his hips still and he comes inside you painting your walls white.

His lips are on your shoulders and neck, softly sucking on patches of your skin and murmuring sweet nothings as you calm down.

“Fuck.”

Jake pulls out and looks down at the mess of the sheets, now that he’s no longer caught up in his lustful haze it dawns on him that the two of you didn’t use protection. So much for smart choices.

As if now remembering yourself you shrug, “I’ll just grab a plan b tomorrow.”

Jake nods, “I’ll send you the money for it.”

His body then drops to lay beside you and he pulls you in close with the promise of a hot shower after a few minutes of decompressing. You roll over and sit up, swatting Jake’s hands away as he reaches for your arm. “Wait, I have something for you.”

He hums, interest piqued. “Huh?”

You open the bedside drawer where you had hidden the card you had written for Jake before the two of you left Brisbane. It was a love letter, all the things you’ve ever wanted to tell him but kept to yourself out of fear. It holds all the words your heart so desperately wants to tell him before he leaves.

“It’s not anything extravagant but I know you care more for sentimental things anyway.” You hand him the card, “don’t read it until you’re on the plane.”

He looks at the light pink envelope decorated in stickers and his name written in neat calligraphy in the center, the faintest smile on his face but a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“I love you.”

The way he says it sounds different from all the other times he’s ever told you. Almost as if he needs to convince you that he loves you but you know. He places one last kiss to your lips before pulling you back down to cuddle.

“I’m going to miss you.”

Jake hums, “me too.”

The room slips into a comforting silence and eventually you drift off.

8:41am

You wake up feeling cold. You whine and feel around for Jake’s body but when you feel nothing you open your eyes and softly call out for him. “Jake?”

When you’re met with no response you sit up and look around the still dark room. You stand from the bed and reach for your shirt that was still on the ground. You hadn’t intended to fall asleep, it was only meant to be a quick nap before the two of you took a shower together and watched movies until it was time for you to head to the airport.

“Jake? If you’re trying to scare me, give up.”

You’re still met with silence and you begin to feel uneasy. “Jake?”

You search the living room and your heart drops. His things are gone, his shoes, his suitcases. Everything. You run back to the room to see if it’s really true, if Jake left without saying goodbye. What you find breaks your heart even more. All his toiletries are gone, all that's left are your belongings. You let out a sob when you find the love letter you had written for him laying atop his pillow, opened and crumpled at the sides, proof he had read it but didn’t care enough to take it with him.

You drop on to the bed in shock and disbelief, tears sitting in your waterline. You turn to look beside you, staring at the letter as if it had burned you, the only trace that Jake was ever here is his scent in the sheets. You look at the alarm clock to see if you’ll be able to make it to the airport on time and bid him a proper farewell, your heart sinks once again when you realize you’re far too late. It’s 8:50 and his flight leaves in ten minutes. You sniff and decide to not dwell on it, Jake probably had his reasons and you have to get ready to go home.

You strip out of your shirt and discard it on the floor before walking into the bathroom to start your shower. You step into the shower, toes flinching as they touch the chilled ceramic floor. Your mind is in shreds; how could Jake leave without a goodbye? You turn the dial, releasing thousands of frigid drops, wetting your hair and trickling down your back. Your eyes fall closed and images of last night cross your mind.

You want to scream. Did last night not mean as much to him as it did to you? Was this all so he could fuck and just leave? You wrap up your shower and step out to brush your teeth. When finished, you dry off and head for your suitcase to pick out an outfit. You settle on sweatpants and an old graphic tee with slides. Once dressed and ready for your journey back, you finish your packing and look around the house one last time to see if maybe Jake left anything for you, maybe even an explanation. All you find is a plan b box on the kitchen counter next to a water bottle. You pick up the pill box and exit promptly and throw your things in the back of Jake’s car. You look down at the passenger seat where the letter you had written for him sits. You pick it up and examine it one last time before shoving it deep into your backpack.

Maybe this was less painful than having to say goodbye.

It in fact was not less painful. A day passed, then two, then a week, then a month. You stared at your phone at all hours of the day, calling and texting waiting for confirmation that he had arrived safely and an explanation on why he went ghost but it never came.

You started your senior year alone. That was the first time you ever realized just how dependent you were on Jake, you had no other friends to go to the movies with, you spent your senior appreciation week alone, you had no one to make plans with when the weekend would roll around. Maybe you should have made deeper connections. You slowly started to lose sight of the end goal, Harvard had always been your dream but your mind was in too much turmoil to see it meaning anything without Jake, your heart can’t stand to be near him but not have a connection to him. You had heard from his mother that he had settled in at Yale and was enjoying his time abroad. You never told your parents what happened down in Sydney, you couldn’t bring yourself to talk about it without crying.

Eventually you began to decline, your grades took a hit and your GPA dropped from the perfect 4.5 it had been sitting at for the past four years to a 3.2. You started failing your core classes and you were kicked off of the varsity volleyball team. Your parents couldn’t understand the sudden change in you. You stopped talking to them, stopped going to your tutoring sessions and stopped caring about life itself. You would only go to school when you felt like it and come straight home before locking yourself in your bedroom. When time came to send in your college applications you didn’t know what to do. You knew Harvard wouldn’t want you and you never considered any other options. You sat down with your guidance counselor and she gave you some options. The majority consisted of staying in Australia, letting you know it didn’t seem possible to go abroad. You limited your application process to four schools, two in Australia and two in Massachusetts. If Harvard didn’t want you, maybe a private school would grant you admission and you could transfer in your sophomore year.

As much as you wanted to be far away from him, Massachusetts happened to have all the top schools that were realistic for you. You applied to Northeastern and Boston college. Neither were the ivy leagues you were hoping to attend but private institutions nonetheless. You sent in your applications for early action, praying you would get in and get to leave Australia behind. You were suffocating here.

Luckily for you, your acceptance letter came from Northeastern and you were quick to accept. You were waitlisted for Boston College and accepted to both Australian unis but you had decided where you were going. You toured Northeastern in the spring with your mom, you both absolutely fell in love with the campus. It was right in the middle of the city, across from the train system making getting around easy. You got to meet the girl you would be dorming with, Avianca; Avi for short. She was very bubbly and sweet, and very opinionated. She had grown up in Boston with her mother and two brothers. Her mother was unable to join the two of you so you went out to brunch with her and your mother. After that your mother left the two of you to go shopping for some things for your dorm.

“Are you excited to start in the fall?” Avi asked as the two of you browsed targets room decor.

You shrug and hug yourself, “I guess.”

Avi stops to look at a large beige throw pillow, “that's all? Aren’t you excited for the new experiences?” She looks up at you, “the boys?”

You play with the tag of the pillow in her hand. “I-” you hesitate and she picks up on it.

“Unless…” she smirks up at you, “you have a boyfriend?”

You pause. Could you even consider Jake a boyfriend? He never officially asked you to be his girlfriend but the two of you did way more than what other couples do in a lifetime. As if reading your mind Avi hums.

“Ahh, I see. It’s complicated?”

“I guess you could call it that.”

She tosses the pillow into the cart, “is it over?”

You continue walking down the aisle as you think back to Jake, this would be your first time ever saying what went down outloud. You were hesitant to tell your parents because of how close they were with Jake, you didn't want this affecting their perspective of him but Avi doesn’t know him, she’s unbiased. And that’s how you found yourself crying inside a target finally opening up about just how hurt you were by Jake’s actions.

Once you finish telling her your story from start to finish, Avi is embracing you. “Jake is a dick. You did not deserve that. I’m so sorry.”

Avi spends the rest of your time together comforting you. She lets you rant about Jake and gives you her two cents every now and then. You felt a little embarrassed at how much you were crying but Avi was quick to reassure you letting you know it was actually time you let it all out. The two of you exchanged numbers before parting ways again and she made you promise to keep in touch with her while you were back home in Australia until your move-in day and that's exactly what you did.

After flying back home you slowly started to rebuild. Jake isn’t a part of your life anymore and you can’t continue to wallow in your self pity. It was time to let go and move on, you would be starting your freshman year of college in four months. You don’t want to be stuck up on someone who wasn’t even thinking of you.

You took the time to learn new hobbies as you didn’t have volleyball to lean on. You took up baking for a bit before getting bored and moving on to painting. You learned how to knit and made yourself some mittens and a scarf to prepare for the cold Boston weather. You even took up photography, opening up a private instagram account to post your pictures as you traveled around Europe during June. It was a graduation gift from your father, you had stops in France, Wales, Germany and Spain. You spent a month traveling before heading back south.

You flew to New Zealand before officially going home to explore the mountains, it was a nice reset. Jake had promised to visit with you but it never happened and you weren’t putting things on hold for him anymore. You would facetime with Avi every night, brainstorming ideas for your room and your plans for welcome week. She had no intention of staying in your dorm that first week before classes started.

At first you were hesitant, going to raves and frat parties meant the inevitable. The possibility of running into Jake would be significantly higher and if you didn’t run into him there was still the fact that you would be approached by some man before the night was over. You had expressed to Avi how you couldn’t see yourself entering a relationship anytime soon. You had yet to fully heal from Jake and the thought of being that vulnerable again terrified you.

She only listened before reminding you that you didn’t have to date every guy that said hi. Some below the belt touching and harmless flirting never hurt anyone. She went on to ramble about how you’re entering your prime and have an insanely hot aussie accent that could help you secure any guy you wanted. You zoned out once she started asking you if you could moan for her so she could take pointers.

Your parents could see the shift in you and it brought them relief, they felt more at ease to send you abroad now that you were in a better mental headspace. You left two weeks before classes started to move in and get accustomed to the new environment. Your parents came to help you and Avi move in before leaving to go back home.

It’s now nighttime and you’ve just officially finished decorating.

“So, there’s this rave at slackers tonight, wanna go?”

You turn to look at Avi from your bed as she sits at her desk organizing her makeup. You snort, “as if I have a choice.” She looks up at you grinning.

“Glad you’re aware! Now get up and go shower, you’re all sweaty and doors close at 8!”

You roll your eyes but listen to her nonetheless. You stumble out of your bed and walk towards your closet to try and brainstorm what to wear. “Is there a theme?”

Avi hums, “yeah early 2000’s.”

You scan your wardrobe to see what you can find before deciding upon a baby blue butterfly top you had gotten off of amazon and a mini cargo skirt. For shoes you settle on some old Nike air forces knowing they would be demolished by the end of the night. You head over to the bathroom and begin getting ready. You try not to take too long, making sure to properly wash your body but you don’t take the time to exfoliate. Once drying off and exiting you make quick work of getting dressed and sitting beside Avi to start your makeup while she works on styling her hair. You don’t take too long for your makeup, choosing to opt for a more natural look and go for a half up/half down hairstyle with two strands out in the front.

Once you’re both ready, you grab your student ID’s and bags before heading out and start the five minute walk to the T. As you’re waiting for the train to arrive you take pictures with Avi to post and make a new story post of the sun setting. Once the green train arrives the two of you hop on and head towards the party venue.

By the time you arrive, the line is still relatively short and you’re inside in under thirty minutes. You scan your surroundings, the club lights are too bright and strobing too fast, just asking for someone to seize. The dance floor is crowded with people and there are drunks stumbling all around you.

Avi spins on her heels and smirks up at you, “what are the odds you get a stranger to buy us drinks?”

You quickly shake your head. “Zero! I’ve never done this before Avi!”

She shrugs, “so? Have you seen yourself? You look so hot, ____.” She makes it a point to slap your ass. “You have all the right assets on display, you just have to use them to your advantage.”

You gasp and rub your sore bottom, “okay one, never do that again. Two, why don’t you get a guy to buy us drinks? Put those tits to good use.”

She smirks. “I was already planning on it. But seriously, I promised to help you get over Jake and what better way to do that than getting under a new man?”

You groan. “Sleeping around isn’t going to help me get over Jake.”

“What makes you think he hasn’t done the same?” You furrow your brows at her and she scoffs. “Come on ____, he’s been in the city for a year while you were on the other side of the world. Jake is hot and I’m sure he knows it just like other girls in Connecticut probably do too, what would really have stopped him from getting his dick wet?”

You stay silent, deep down you know Avi is just being truthful and realistic. Jake had no obligations to you and no one to get in his way of whoring around if he really wanted to as much as it may hurt you.

“Okay.”

Avi’s brows shoot up in shock. “Okay? That’s really all it took?”

You nod firmly, “I’m done putting my life on pause for him. Besides, a little flirting never hurt anyone, right?”

Avi squeals and claps her hands together. “Perfect! I better see you throwing it back on some guy before the night ends!”

The two of you decide to part ways to find your prey of the night. Avi makes quick work of heading to the bar where the older men are to see if she can score some drinks while you idle around the dance floor, scoping out the faces to see who you wanted to make a move on. Before you can set your sights on someone, you feel the warmth of a body behind you though they’re not quite pressing against you yet. It doesn’t feel bad, and neither do the fingertips ghosting along the curve of your waist. You press into their touch a little more. The tentative fingers at your waist get more firm once they realize you’re open to their touch.

“Wanna dance?,” the body behind you asks, lips brushing the shell of your ear. It makes chills prick at your skin. You bite your lip to keep from smiling at the sensation. Your hand goes to cover the bigger one on your waist. You’ve missed being this close to someone. 

You intentionally keep the touch constant when you turn around in their hold. Their palm slides along your body till it’s settling on your lower back just above the swell of your ass.

When you look up, your reply gets caught in your throat.

The owner of the warm body behind you is handsome, strikingly so. Tall, strong. Smile dreamy with dimples, and eyes dark. He gives you a soft grin accompanied by an encouraging nod, wanting you to say what you can’t seem to get out.

“Uh–” you sputter with a wince, before clearing your throat, “Where’s the fun in asking?”

You can’t hear his laugh over the music, but you can tell he’s amused by the way his chest rumbles, and how his eyes curl. The hand at the base of your spine moves to your hip, squeezing gently.

His other hand is moving, too, and you track it until it’s tucking some hair behind your ear. You go still and flush when he leans down to your ear again. “If you insist,” he tells you. You don’t get to respond before he’s forcefully turning you back around and pressing his body into yours. The song changes to an upbeat caribbean mix and the sexy stranger has you bent over, one hand in your hair as a makeshift ponytail and the other resting at the base of your spine as he sensually moves his hips to the beat of the song, practically humping you. You can feel yourself getting wet as his clothed dick brushes against your vagina, your miniskirt and thong barely hiding anything. You begin whining your waist to meet his thrust giving those around you a show. Soon, a circle forms around the two of you as people turn on their camera to film. When the song finally ends the two of you separate and the crowd disperses. Some guys stick around though, hoping you would part form your dance partner and give them a chance to feel you humping them but you never get the chance. The stranger leans down to your ear, “I’m Jungwon.”

You smirk and respond with your name. “I’m, ____. Clearly you’ve done this before Jungwon.” 

Jungwon briefly looks surprised, eyes widening like a child before he’s laughing. “Ah,” he muses, guiding your arms to drape over his shoulders, your hands interlocking behind his neck. His hands do the same around your waist as he pulls you a little closer. “Perhaps but clearly the same goes for you.”

There’s a flutter in your tummy that you haven’t felt in months and it’s exciting. Makes you giddy as you blink up at him sultrily.

“Are you complaining?” you ask him.

He adamantly shakes his head, “Of course not, as long as you’re not in a relationship no complaints over here.”

You cock your head to the side. “I don’t do relationships.” You wait a beat before asking, “Is that what you’re looking for?”

He looks up like he’s thinking. Then he’s shrugging. Crowding your space, cheek brushing yours as he talks into your ear again, he answers, “I want what you want.”

Jungwon doesn’t move out of your space like the times he did before, instead pulling you into him a bit more, making your space his space too. Lips brush against the corner of your jaw, just below your ear. Teasing, yet sure. 

“I want to forget–” Your hand twines into the hair at the nape of his neck when he nips softly at your earlobe, making you gasp quietly, interrupting yourself. “–about someone.”

He lets out a smug sound of understanding. “That sounds doable,” you hear him say, before he purrs confidently, “Let me help you.”

Just as the two of you lean in for a kiss you’re interrupted by the calling of your name.

“____!” You pull away to find Avi stumbling towards you. When she’s close enough, she grips onto your shoulders to try and keep herself up. “H-help.”

You look at her in worry and try to balance her but she’s quickly becoming more and more unstable, her words slurring and her body becoming limp. You begin to panic, “Avi? Avi! You’re scaring me, what's wrong!?”

Jungwon steps in to help you hold her up. “Shit, I think she was laced.”

Your eyes dart to his in worry, sensing your panic Jungwon tries to calm you down. “There’s a hospital nearby. I’ll call an uber and we can head over.”

You nod, trying to steady yourself for Avi’s sake. The two of you make quick work of ushering her out of the building and outside to help her get some fresh air while Jungwon orders the uber. It’s there in seven minutes and the three of you rush to the nearest children's hospital.

Once you arrive, Jungwon hands over Avi to the medical staff while you try and give them the information they need to admit her. She’s rushed into the emergency bay while you and Jungwon are told to sit in the waiting area while they pump her stomach.

“It’s going to be okay. We got her here in time, I’m sure the doctors have everything under control.” Jungwon says as he takes a seat beside you. It’s clear you’re distraught and don’t know what to do but it’s also clear that what you need right now is not only reassurance but a friend. Your shoulders slump instantly and you nod despondently. Cautiously Jungwon entwines your hands together, lacing your fingers with his.

He shifts, leaning his body into you allowing you to cuddle into him for some warmth, your lack of proper clothing clearly not helping. You bite your lip to keep in the tears before resting your head against his shoulder. You close your eyes, basking in his comforting presence, letting both his words and presence wash over you and ease your worries.

The both of you sit in silence for long, drawn-out moments before you finally speak up. “I’m sorry, this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your night.” You pull away and wrap your arms around yourself, “you can go if you’d like.”

Sensing your guilt and apprehension, Jungwon shakes his head softly and removes his bomber jacket to hand to you. You stare at it for a second before taking it and putting it on. “It definitely isn’t how I saw my night going but you clearly need a friend, it wouldn’t be right to leave you alone.”

You twiddle your fingers, “why are you being so nice to me?”

He purses his lips in thought, showcasing his dimples. “Like I said before, it’s clear you need a friend. You’re obviously going through something with a guy you probably really like and your friend is in the hospital after getting laced. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

You blink at him, embarrassed that he read you so easily. “I-” You cut yourself off and look away, feeling the tears start to well up. “I feel so lost and alone.”

Jungwon slowly reaches for you and brings you in for a hug, letting you cry into his chest. “I moved to this stupid city all by myself and now I miss my parents, I miss my home and worst of all I miss him. Avi is the only friend I have and I can’t help but feel like her being in this position is all my fault! She only wanted to go out to help me move on a-and we made this stupid bet about getting guys to buy us drinks and now she’s getting her stomach pumped!” You angrily rant to Jungwon, overwhelmed by the events that have transpired within the last twenty-four hours.

He listens, gently rubbing your back as you let it all out. “It’s normal to miss your life back at home, going to college is hard enough, let alone having to move to a different continent. I understand the guilt you’re feeling but I doubt Avi is mad at you for what happened, you weren’t the one who drugged her.”

You sniffle and wipe at your nose with the sleeve of his jacket, “I guess so.” You pull away from his wet chest to wipe away the remainder of your tears. “I’m scared.” You softly admit.

“Of what?”

“Being alone again.” You whisper, you can’t help but wonder if Jungwon will stay after this, if Avi will be okay enough to stay for the semester. You pray you don’t lose either of them.

“Good thing I don’t plan on leaving.” Jungwon offers with a soft smile, you look up at him gratefully and wrap him in a hug.

“Thank you.”

The two of you spend the rest of the night in the ER, the doctors eventually come to fetch the two of you to join Avi, letting you know that she’ll be just fine and able to return home the following day. Jungwon stays true to his word and doesn’t leave your side until it’s time for Avi to get discharged. The three of you clamber into the back of the Uber Jungwon ordered and drive to your dorms. While sitting at Avi’s bedside the three of you began conversing about anything and everything. You found out that Jungwon was also a freshman at Northeastern majoring in Biochem. On top of that, he was living in the same dorm as you-his room only two doors down.

Once you arrive, you bid farewell to Jungwon with the promise of grabbing breakfast with him and his roommate Beomgyu the following morning before heading into your own room.

“He’s cute.” Avi says as she gently takes a seat on the couch.

“Jungwon?”

She hums, “sweet kid.”

You nod absentmindedly as you gather your bathroom supplies. “I guess so.”

Friday November 15th - present day

Three months have passed since the beginning of the semester and it’s safe to say that you’re beginning to feel at home in the city. Jungwon stayed true to his word and didn’t leave you. In fact, there was never a moment where you were alone. If you weren’t at Snell studying with Jungwon, you were at your dorm watching shows with Avi or at the dining hall grabbing lunch with Beomgyu. 

The four of you have truly become inseparable these past few months and you’re so grateful for the support they provide. It’s nice to finally have other people to rely on rather than having to rawdog life alone. When the four of you aren’t absolutely swamped with homework you grab dinner together at one of the dining halls before going back to your place for a movie night. Tonight happens to be one of those nights.

“Wollastans hands down has the best snack options,” Beomgyu says as he empties the grocery bag onto your living room floor. Avi hums and takes a seat beside him on the floor in front of the TV.

“That they do.” She reaches for the pack of gummy bears and offers some to Jungwon who’s laid on your couch arms wide open as he smiles up at you waiting for you to take your rightful seat in between his legs. He takes a handful of gummies and thanks Avi before patting his chest.

“Hurry up princess, I'm getting cold.”

You scoff and roll your eyes before kicking off your shoes and making your way across the threshold to plop down in between his arms. “What are we watching tonight?” You ask. Jungwon taps your cheek silently asking you to open up, you do and he plops a cherry bear into your mouth.

“Interview with the vampires.” Beomgyu replies as he ques up the show. Once it’s ready to go Avi hands you a blanket to cover yourself with before she cuddles up to Beomgyu, the two of them whispering to each other lost in their own world. You smile softly at them, you and Jungwon have a running bet of how long it was going to take before the two crack and just get together. They’re adamant that they’re just friends but it’s clear as day feelings are there.

You feel Jungwon wrap his arm securely around your waist before he places a soft kiss atop your head.

As touchy and flirty as the two of you are, you’re just friends. Once Jungwon made it clear he was here to stay you found the confidence to open up to him about Jake. You told him about the ghosting, the sex, how much he meant to you and how you don’t think you’ll ever love someone the way you love him or even be ready for a relationship anytime soon. Jungwon understood and made his intentions clear, he just wanted to make you happy. If that meant putting his feelings on the backburner and doing things your way so be it.

It wasn’t a fair deal at all, Jungwon devoted almost all of his time to you, he would walk you home from your late lectures, wake up at five am to run to Tatte to buy you breakfast before your eight ams, turn down girls who approached him in hopes that when you were ready you’d come running to him.

He did it all without complaint, he loves you fully and without restraint. He’s loved you from the start, he loves you the way you wish Jake had.

You can’t help but think about where Jake would fit in your life now. You’ve changed and made sure your new life left no room for him, you tailored your life to make sure Jake could never waltz back in and destroy all the progress you’ve made. You don’t think he’ll fit in with your group of friends anyhow. As this year has come and passed, you replaced Jake with Jungwon. It’s hard to picture Jake falling back into the role of being your only friend in your life.

You have Avi, Beomgyu and Jungwon. They look out for you and make sure to take care of you. It’s a reciprocal friendship, they’re pouring into you just as much as you pour into them if not more.

You snap out of your thoughts when Jungwon softly pinches your side. “You zoned out, are you okay?”

You nod your head and play with his fingers under the blanket. “Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life.”

You feel him take in a sharp breath before pulling you into him even more. “I’m the lucky one.”

___

As the movie night comes to a close, you sit up from Jungwon’s hold to stretch, your friends following your actions. You reach for your phone to check the time to see if you can squeeze in one more movie.

“It’s only nine, we can start another show or watch a movie.” You offer

Jungwon wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in closer to his side, “I don’t have anything to do tomorrow, I’m down.”

Avi stands up and clears her throat. “Actually can we go out?”

Beomgyu looks up at her questioningly, “wanna ride the blue bikes around campus?”

She shakes her head, “a Harvard frat is hosting to-”

“Absolutely not.” You cut her off. You haven’t been to another college party since the one at slackers, the sight of Avi getting drugged permanently put you off from the party scene.

She huffs, “why not!?”

You give her an incredulous look. “Are you being serious? You were drugged the last time we went to one, I don’t want to see you in the ER again!”

The boys can sense the growing tension, Beomgyu stands and tries to calm Avi and Jungwon soothingly rubs your arms.

“It was one time! I won’t drink this time!”

“I still don’t feel comfortable.” She throws her hands up and turns to pout at Beomgyu knowing it’s a weakness of his.

“Yah! this is between the two of you, stop pouting at me.” He says in response before turning on his heel to head to your kitchen to raid it for some more food. You huff and turn to Jungwon to have him plead your case but he only shakes his head, he knows better than to get in between the two of you.

“Uh-uh, No. You two figure this out.”

He stands from his seat beside you to go join Beomgyu in the kitchen.

Avi takes Jungwon’s seat and grabs your hands. “I promise I won’t drink! I know better now and the guys will be there! You know they won’t let anything happen to either of us! Come on, _____ please!”

You sigh and shift your attention to the boys goofing off in your kitchen, Avi is right. The boys wouldn’t let the two of you out of their sight, especially Jungwon as he was there for the last party the three of you had attended.

“Fine.”

The living room of the frat is completely packed, people are scattered around the home, either dancing in a large group in the middle of the living room, relaxing in the kitchen with drinks in hand or smoking blunts upstairs. Something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by you is the hordes of couples pressed up against each other and the walls, making out and grinding against each other for the entirety of the house to see without a single care in the world.

You turn to face your friends, “an hour tops then we’re out of here!”

Avi playfully rolls her eyes, “aye aye captain.”

She grabs Beomgyu’s hand and they walk into the midst of the party leaving you with Jungwon. “Want to grab a drink with me?”

You pull your attention away from a guy who’s completely wasted and forcing another to a dance off to Jungwon who’s standing next to you. You shrug, “sure.”

You both exit from the hallway where your little group had clustered and enter the kitchen to grab a drink. Jungwon hands you a water bottle but you nudge away his hand and reach for a red solo cup to pour yourself a shot of tequila. You knock it back and move down the counter to pour yourself some of the punch.

Jungwon watches you in worry as you pucker your lips at the taste of the punch, “I thought no drinking tonight.”

“No drinking for Avi. Plus it’s for the nerves.”

He nods at you and takes a sip of his water. “What has you on edge?”

You look around the kitchen sadly before confessing what’s weighing on your heart. “It feels so odd being here, it was my dream for so long and now it’s just some other school down the block.”

Jungwon hums before scanning the area himself. “Do you regret choosing Northeastern?”

You sigh, “I..” you trail off to really think through your answer. Northeastern has become more than a safety net. You have a family here because of the school, people who love and care about you without restraint and would be crushed if you up and left them. You also can’t help but feel as though there’s a double meaning to Jungwon’s question. “I don’t think so, more so mourning what could have been here.”

Jungwon nods, “are you still thinking about transferring?”

You shake your head. “No, I think it’s time to close the chapter on this time period in my life.”

Jungwon stills beside you, to him, Harvard = Jake and the life you lived with him back at home in Australia, does this mean this is finally the end of you and that dirtbag?

You smile and place your arms around Jungwon’s neck. “I think it's time to start focusing on what I have here at Northeastern…with you.”

Jungwon swears he feels his heart stop at your words, are you finally going to give him a chance? His eyes suddenly gleam with mischief as he rests his hands on your waist and squeezes you a little tighter and yanks you towards him, bodies just centimeters apart as you crash into his chest, all up in each other’s personal space.

Your eyes widen in complete surprise. 

“Are you saying what I think you are?” He teases with a stupidly lowered tone, a smug grin decorating his face. 

You ignore the electricity shooting through you, rolling your eyes and playfully sneer at him. “Don’t be smug, I can still change my mind, you know.” You force space between you two and try removing his hands from your waist but his grip transforms into an iron lock. 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Try me.”

He pulls you in close and leans in to whisper, “yeah? Then who's gonna do this?” He doesn’t wait for you to question him, leaning in right away to place his lips on yours and cage you between him and the kitchen counter. Your eyes blow out, taken by surprise until you find yourself quickly melting into the kiss, hands gripping his shoulders tighter. Jungwon can’t help himself from opening up his mouth to catch more of yours, lips sensually kissing yours in a slow, unhurried pace. 

You instantly love the way he kisses, completely taken by his pillowy, delicate lips. 

Jungwon doesn’t care if your lipstick smudges onto him or how brash the public display of affection seems; all he cares about is the soft feeling of your lips against his own for the first time and the fact that you’re willing to be his.

He knows it’s going to stay on his mind for weeks. 

You’re beginning to get lost until he disconnected your mouths, only looking at each other with overwhelming feelings and shimmering eyes that depict how nervous you are for this new step.

“Wanna dance with me?” You shyly ask.

Jungwon smirks, his mind recalling the first time he ever met you at that slackers party. “Where’s the fun in asking?” He mocks, you roll your eyes at the familiarity of his words before dragging him out of the kitchen and into the living room to dance away your inhibitions.

The two of you make your way to the center of the room knowing once you start dancing, all eyes will be on you. Jungwon squeezes your hips one last time before turning you around and helping you slowly grind down on him to the beat of the song, once you have a steady rhythm going on he begins to buck his hips to meet your pace.

Just like that night at slackers, you’re bent over whining your waist against Jungwon and catching the attention of those around you. Jungwon sneaks one arm around your front and gently squeezes at your right boob under your crop top, getting turned on by how your butt applies the right amount of pressure to his cock every time you bounce off of it and the lustful gaze of those watching. He could cum in his pants. You have to bite your bottom lip to keep from moaning.

As the song comes to a close Jungwon releases you and places a kiss against the base of your neck, “I’m going to grab us drinks, stay right here baby.”

You nod and let him remove himself from you completely to go get the two of you drinks, you turn around to see if you could potentially find Beomgyu or Avi and spend some time with them until he returns but before you even get the chance to fully scope out the area you feel someone grab onto your wrist and spin you around.

You’re about to tell the stranger off but your words get caught in your throat when you turn around to find a tall blonde man dressed in all black staring you down. You exhale sharply at the way he seemingly undresses you with his eyes.

“You sure know how to put on a show, princess.”

You feel your face heat up a bit at the use of pet name and being called out on the way you were just dry humping Jungwon. Not knowing what to say you wait for him to continue. Picking up on that, the stranger continues, “I’m Jay, what’s your name darling?”

“____” you breathlessly let out.

He hums and pulls you in closer, “sexy name for a sexy girl, who’s that guy? Your boyfriend?”

His hands travel down to grab at your ass over your leggings and you have a feeling that even if you were taken, Jay wouldn’t care.

You bite down a moan at the way he caresses your ass, taking turns between rolling the flesh and pinching it every now and then. He lands a sharp slap to your bottom when you don’t answer, his patience running thin. “Answer me princess.”

You shake your head, “n-no I’m si-”

Before you can finish your statement Jay gets ripped away from you by another male who huffs out in playful annoyance. “C’mon mate, it’s my birthday and you’re ditching me for some action?”

This time, your blood truly runs cold. Standing in front of you in all his glory for the first time in a year and three months is Sim Jaeyun. His eyes sweep over to you and the smile that was just gracing his face begins to slowly fall. Your eyes greedily take him in. You notice he’s dyed his hair back to black and grown it out a bit, parting it in the middle like you used to do for him during your walk to school. His shoulders also seem a bit wider, did he start working out? You even note his style has changed, gone are the tight skinny jeans and random hoodies. He’s dressed in wide legend pants paired with a simple white tee tucked in and Jordans on his feet.

“____.” He breathlessly lets out.

Hearing him call out to you breaks your heart, after all this time you thought you would be angry at him for what he did. Swearing to Avi that if you ever ran into him you were going to rip him a new one, maybe even slap him for having the audacity to hurt you the way he did. But now that you’ve been graced with the opportunity all you feel is a deep sadness, all your anger gone in that instant.

You see Jay’s eyes bug out of his head as he looks between the two of you. “She’s ____?”

Your eyes flicker over to Jay as you make the assumption Jake must have told him all about the two of you. Jake reaches a hand out to grab yours but you instantly jerk away from his touch. He doesn’t deserve it, your mind screams at you.

“Don’t.” You grit out, fighting back the tears.

Jake’s face falls even more at the malice in the simple word, heart breaking at how you avoid his touch but respects it nonetheless.

“Please, let me just ex-”

You don’t let him finish before you’re spinning on your heel and bolting out of the party. You knock into a few partygoers, the alcohol finally taking its effect. You hear muffled shouts of your name as you push past people to make it outside to the lawn. In your daze you don’t see your friends running after you.

You stumble out of the party and onto the lawn. The front of the frat house is nearly empty, save for you and a couple that’s making out on the grass. You stagger towards a bush when the overwhelming feeling of vomiting consumes you. Your stomach contracts violently and all the liquor you had consumed comes back up splattering the bushes.

“____!” You hear Jungwon call out your name before he’s kneeling beside you and holding your hair back.

You heave again and once more the contents of your stomach spray the ground. You sink to your knees and retch until only clear liquid is coming up. Your throat feels sore from the stomach acid that is layering it and your mouth tastes of vomit.

Avi kneels beside you and rubs your back soothingly as Beomgyu stands protectively in front of you, shielding you from Jake’s view as he tries to grab your attention, constantly calling your name.

“It’s alright,” you hear Jungwon whisper as you feel your stomach begin to settle. He slowly ties your hair up for you using a hair tie Avi offers and once he’s sure Avi has a steady grip on you, he’s standing to square up to Jake.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Jungwon asks. Beomgyu’s eyes widen the tiniest fraction at his roommate's question, knowing damn well he can’t fight and Jungown might be alone in this one.

Jake scoffs and steps up to Jungwon, his own annoyance at its peak. “I’m her best friend who the fuck do you think you are?”

Your friends all still at the realization of who exactly the stranger is. Avi is the first to react, scoffing at his audacity from beside you as she looks up at him.

“You know you got a lot of fucking nerve to even call yourself that. You’re the one who ghosted her, you’re the one who left. You don’t get to claim that title anymore.”

Jake falters at the harsh glare he’s receiving from your friends but he’s determined to speak to you.

“You don’t know shit.” Jay spits out from behind Jake knowing the true story as to why Jake did what he did. Albeit shitty, his friend had his reasons and he wasn’t going to let anyone shame him for the decisions he made as a kid fresh out of high school.

Beomgyu swears he sees red. “Watch it.” He says as he shoves at Jay’s chest. Jay, having none of it though, pushes back causing Jungwon and Jake to have to step in and separate their friends before things escalate.

Jake pulls his friend away and harshly whispers in his ear before Jay scoffs and walks away back into the party. Jake clears his throat and turns back to you and your friends who are all still glaring and making a protective front around you.

“Please, ____. I Just need one chance to explain myself.”

Jungwon opens his mouth to respond for you but you're quicker than him.

“No.” Your voice is firm, “you don’t get to hurt me the way you did and expect me to give you the courtesy of explaining why you chose to break my heart.”

From your seated position you can see the tears swimming in his eyes and it almost makes you crack. Almost. But you need to choose you for once. You need to stop throwing caution to the wind when it comes to Sim Jaeyun, he never once did that for you.

“You’re a year too late.”

Still determined and not deterred by your stance, Jake takes a cautious step forward, stopping when Jungwon deems he’s gotten too close and steps up as well to place a hand on Jake’s chest.

“I’m sorry, ____. I know I fucked everything up and-and that I don’t deserve another chance but please-” He chokes back a sob, “please just let me explain!” Avi rolls her eyes and helps you stand. “What good will that do? You’re right, you don’t deserve shit from her. Explaining why you’re a shitty person isn’t going to change anything.”

Although harsh, Avi is right. Hearing him out won’t change the fact that he no longer has a spot in your life, it won’t change the damage he’s caused, it won’t do anything.

“Let’s go guys.” You weekly let out, completely drained and craving the warmth of your bed.

“____!”

You ignore Jake’s call of your name and leave with your friends surrounding you, making it impossible for him to see you anymore. Your heart seizes in your chest at the desperation in his voice as he calls out to you but you keep walking, you leave him behind like he did to you all those months ago.

[November 15th, 12:35 AM]

[jake]: can we please talk?

[jake]: i’m sorry

[jake]: please

[jake]: _____?

[November 16th, 2:48 PM]

[jake]: i know you don’t want to talk to me but please let me explain ____

[jake]: i’ll leave you alone after, i swear

[November 17th, 6:15 PM]

[jake]: i’ll be at caffe nero near newbury tomorrow at 2 until they close

[jake]: please come and let me explain, i’ll leave you alone regardless of what you decide.

Jake stares down at his phone as he hits send, over the past two days he’s been sending you text messages praying you’ll respond but each one has been left on delivered. He doesn’t know if you’ve read them or even blocked him.

He tosses his phone aside and drops down on his hard dorm bed staring up at his ceiling wondering why he let things get so bad. He thought he was making the right decision for the both of you, thought he was doing right by you by leaving you alone.

Falling in love takes courage he doesn't possess at the time. You never stood a chance and it's little wonder why you felt so cheated.

Leading up to his departure from Australia everything was perfect, it was a dream. He had the girl of his dreams, a scholarship to the school of his dreams and for once- a supportive family backing every decision he made. It was new, it was different. It was scary. Jake grew up having to fight for his parents attention and had to work for their love, it was conditional, he had to be perfect. Being given it so freely and easily by you came as a shock.

He knew just how much you loved him, how much you had sacrificed over the years for him, he doesn’t deserve it now and he sure as hell didn’t think he deserved it back then. How could he love you if he barely understood how it worked? He had such a twisted view on love. At the time he thought it came with conditions, that he couldn’t love or be loved without conditions. That it was only a matter of time before the hammer dropped on your changing relationship and you began expecting more from him as a boyfriend, more that he couldn’t give.

Reading the letter was what really did it for him.

Of course he didn’t listen to you when you told him to read it once he was on the plane. He waited until you fell asleep and reached into the drawer to retrieve the letter and began reading it. Jake read it over and over again until he had it memorized, so much so that he still has it memorized to this day. He left you with the original but wrote it down on a napkin on the plane when he realized how big of a mistake it was to leave it. He sits up to walk over to his desk and retrieve his written version of the letter and begins to read it once again.

Dear Jake, my sweet angel boy,

I should have told you this right after prom: that there's this special love that I have deep within my heart. That love is only for you. It is far greater than this world. I wish I could show you how much you really mean to me. If I could only let you feel how much I really do love you in a kiss or a hug, you would begin to feel the love that I have for you.

If I could describe the love that I have for you and use lyrics of love songs or even the sonnets of Shakespeare, it would still be impossible, because the love that I love for you cannot be put into words. You've had my love from the day we met, and you will have it forever. As time goes by, my heart and love for you will keep growing stronger, brighter, and bigger.

Call me your love from this day forward. Although we have two different minds, and souls, we have one and the same beautiful heart. My love for you is unconditional. Please don’t forget that.

I love you with all my heart, body, and soul. I will never stop loving you. You are my life, my world, and everything to me. Distance may keep us apart for a short while but you will always and forever be embedded deep within my heart.

My beautiful love, you are my world and you have been since the first time I saw you. I felt love the first time I looked at you all those years ago in your backyard, and my world became a beautiful place to live in. I often ask myself, what in the world would I do without you now? I hope to never find out the answer to that question.

I’m writing you this letter to tell you how much you mean to me, and to thank you for coming into my life. You are something I never thought could exist for me. You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life, and I don't regret telling you how I feel.

I love you Sim Jaeyun, today, tomorrow, forever.

Tears swim in Jake’s eyes as he places the letter back in the depths of his desk. He wishes so badly that he didn’t run, that he stayed and talked through his fears with you but he was too much of a coward and knew deep down that you deserved better. He never deserved you to begin with and he was a fool for ever thinking a broken boy like him could ever love someone as amazing as you.

After leaving, Jake found it hard to settle into his new routine. He missed your presence every single day, finding it harder and harder to ignore your text messages asking how he was, if he had eaten, if he liked the campus.

By the time Jake had realized how big of a mistake he made and just how much of an ass he looked like, he couldn’t take it back. The damage had quite literally been done and it seemed you were moving on. The text messages stopped coming in, he was removed from your close friends and his mother no longer had any updates for him when he would ask. Apparently, you had stopped going over and it was rare to catch glimpses of you as the school year progressed.

When he had heard from his brother that you were no longer on the volleyball team he wanted to reach out and ask what happened. You loved the sport too much to just quit, especially during your senior year but Jake had a feeling he was the last person you wanted to hear from.

His first semester at Yale was nothing like he expected it to be, everything was dull and lifeless. Every day was the same routine: wake up, shower and brush his teeth, get dressed and head to lectures before studying at the library until midnight because his roommate had a girl over.

He felt like he was slowly losing his sanity. As the end of his first semester came to a close and winter break was fastly approaching Jake decided he had had enough. Yale meant nothing if you weren’t in his life. He knew at that point you had probably sent in your college applications and were practically a shoe-in for Harvard so he did what he thought would bring him peace.

He sent in his transfer application before the end of the semester to be able to start in the spring and got his acceptance right before winter break. He didn’t tell his parents about the sudden decision, knowing they wouldn’t be happy with him but he was done living in his fear. It was what caused him to lose you and he would be damned if he let it happen again.

He eventually told them once everything was set and as expected he received an earful about his decision from his father before he realized how deadset his son was on this before backing down.

Once the spring semester started Jake could slowly feel his world start to mend. Everything seemed brighter at Harvard; the physics program was easier, the people were kinder, he had friends and his new roommate wasn’t an ass.

Jay and Jake clicked the second Jake rolled his suitcases into the new room. Jay took him under his wing and treated him like a little brother. It felt nice to have someone to rely on, sure Jay wasn’t you but he slowly became someone who meant the world to him and he looked up to. Eventually Jay introduced Jake to his friends Heeseung and Sunghoon and the four became an inseparable group. The four of them truly did everything together: they took all their gen ed classes together, they attended each other's sporting events and they would often go to frats together with Jake staying sober to take care of his friends.

The guys never pushed Jake to explore the women that approached him at parties knowing his heart belonged to you. They had heard him go on and on about you on several occasions and knew he only transferred to be close to you. They admired his determination to right his wrongdoings but were truthfully skeptical if it would work. They encouraged him to just text you, arguing the more time he let pass the harder it would be to win you back but Jake argued back that this was something that couldn’t be fixed over text.

The semester flew by and Jake was increasingly getting excited. Once he had submitted his last final exam he was on the first flight back home to Australia in June. He couldn’t wait for you to start school in the fall to talk to you and he was long overdue for a trip back home, two birds with one stone. However, when he made it back home to Brisbane his dreams were once again crushed. His mother informed him about your solo trip to Europe and how your parents had sent you away under the guise of it being a graduation gift but really it was out of fear of your declining mental health.

Jake was lost, he had heard nothing about your mental state as his mother insisted she knew nothing about your life anymore when he would inquire about you over the phone. It came as a shock when his mom sat him down to tell him about you being kicked off the volleyball team rather than you just leaving like he assumed, how you no longer attended study groups and even skip school now. What came as the biggest shock was hearing you didn’t get into Harvard. Jake felt absolutely disgusted with himself.

He had caused this, he was the reason behind your suffering and yet he had the audacity to show up here thinking you would welcome him back. He was right, he really doesn’t deserve you. Look at all the pain he’s caused you and what you’ve lost in the process.

He didn’t stick around much longer after that, He flew back to the states a week before you came back from New Zealand and became hell bent on leaving you alone. He owed you that much, some peace after bringing nothing but chaos into your life.

The rest of his summer was a haze, he spent it getting high or drunk with Heeseung and Jay. He didn’t tell his friends about what he had heard from back home, the guilt eating at him but he made it clear that there would be no Jake and ____. The two of you were officially done.

Heesung and Jay were obviously worried about their friend, they knew of the love the male held for you and to see him so torn up over it that he was drinking all his inhibitions away or smoking until he was numb was alarming but they didn’t stop him.

They did however intervene towards the end of the summer when Sunghoon came back from Korea and Jake insisted the group went to an end of summer kickback. They had never seen Jake so out of it, he got so crossfaded that he passed out at the party and was unresponsive for twenty minutes.

Emergency services had to be called and the party got shut down. It was safe to say his friends were done with his shit and sat him down and forced him to talk about his emotions because they would be damned if they watched him continue down this path and eventually die from it.

That night was an eye opener for Jake and he swore he would get better, promised he would stop holding things in and be more upfront about how he was feeling. Seeing Jay cry over the possibility of his death was what really put things into perspective for him, the thought of you also possibly being torn over him dying got him to take his sobriety seriously.

His friends held him accountable as the new school year began, they cut back on frat parties, made the effort to not drink as much around him and even began being more open with each other due to Jay’s claims of “vulnerability breeds vulnerability.”

It was safe to say that Jake was finally beginning to heal. He knew sooner or later he would have to face the consequences of his actions and he was fully prepared to do so, just not so soon. It was Sunghoon’s idea to go to the frat at Kappa Alpha Theta for his birthday. Jake was fully prepared to say no and spend the day alone. This would be his second birthday spent away from you and he wanted the privacy to read through old birthday paragraphs you’ve sent him over the years and stare at the polaroids he took of you during your getaway to Sydney.

Jay and Heesung were having none of it though and insisted he needed to actually celebrate his birthday like Sunghoon said. Jake eventually caved when the three of them offered to stay sober with him. Seeing you at that party was devastating but seeing you in another man's arms was infuriating. Jake knew he had no right to be upset with you but it irked him that he was no longer the only male in your life. Jay had told him about the dance that took place before everything went to shit and Jake couldn’t help but wonder if you had fully moved on from him. Heeseung had to remind him that if you had, Jake couldn’t be upset with you, he had practically pushed you into Jungwon’s arms the second he decided to leave you behind in Australia.

“How long do you plan on staring at your phone?” Heeseung asks as he enters the younger male's room with Jay and Sunghoon trailing behind him.

Jake sighs and tosses the device to the side, “she still hasn’t responded.”

Sunghoon takes a seat beside Jake on the bed, “give her some space dude I’m sure seeing you at the party was the last thing she expected.”

Jay hums, “you did what you can. Give her space to decide what she wants.”

Jake heeds the advice of his friends. He’s inconvenienced you enough, leaving you alone to decide if you want to meet him is what you need now. He can only hope you do decide to hear him out.

“I don’t think you should go.”

You look up at Avi who’s standing above you on the couch staring down at your phone screen, contempt written all over her face. You gently sigh and lock your phone, letting it fall on the couch with a soft thud.

“I know.”

Ever since the party Jake has constantly been texting you. Avi was beyond annoyed with the male and his inability to- “leave you the fuck alone.” You would read them as they come in, unable to bring yourself to delete the messages like Beomgyu advised when you told him about them.

“Just block his number, ____.” Avi huffs, crossing her arms as she stares down at you. You look away and draw figure eights into the couch cushions as you think.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

It’s silent for a beat, you think for a few seconds before shrugging. “I don’t know.”

Avi sighs and uncrosses her arms. “You’re being selfish.”

You stop drawing imaginary shapes on the couch and fix your eyes on Avi, waiting for her to continue.

“What about Jungwon? Have you stopped to consider what this would do to him if you let Jake just waltz his way back into your life?”

You purse your lips, you haven’t talked to the younger male since the party. He’s been reaching out as well, trying to gauge how you’re feeling with the sudden appearance of Jake but you’ve yet to open them let alone respond.

“I don’t k-”

Avi groans in annoyance, cutting you off. “-I swear if you say I don’t know one more time, ____! Can’t you see how bad Jake is for you? One appearance and a few text messages and look at you! You’re not talking to us anymore, you haven’t left your bed in almost two days! Jake is toxic, this isn’t healthy!”

For some reason you want to defend his name, want to call Avi out on being a bitch but you don’t. You know she’s being logical and Jake doesn’t deserve it so you keep quiet. When she realizes her approach may have been a bit too harsh she softens a bit and takes a seat beside you.

“I’m sorry, I just-.” She cuts herself off with a deep inhale. “Jake will never love you the way Jungwon has. It’s harsh but true. Maybe Jake did have his reasons but that doesn’t change the fact that his approach was wrong. He didn’t stop to consider how hurt you would be and that’s not okay. Do you really want to be with someone who can hurt you so easily?”

She gently pats your back before continuing knowing you won’t answer. “Jake is selfish, he’s only ever cared about himself and Jungwon has only cared about you. Don’t miss out on what could be a great love with Jungwon because you’re infatuated with the idea of being with Jake.”

With that, she gets up and leaves you to stew in your thoughts. She’s right, Jungwon was the one to stay and pick up the pieces. He was the one to show you that love didn’t have to be painful, he’s patient, kind and above all absolutely madly in love with you. He healed you from the pain Jake caused so why are you self sabotaging? Who’s to say Jake won’t hurt you again? That he even has a valid reason for stringing you along?

Your phone buzzes on the couch pulling you out of your reverie. You sigh, expecting to find another text from Jake as you pick it up to look at it only to find it’s not from him but rather the other male you’ve been ignoring.

[November 17th, 7:37 PM]

[jungwon]: do you want to grab lunch with me at tatte tmr at 2?

You want to scream at how fate is playing out, now you really have to choose.

[November 18th, 2:17 PM]

You march up the sidewalk to the sound of the steady patter of rain against the pavement that leads to the little cafe that’s tucked between the huge city buildings and hidden away from view with vines crawling up its side. You come to a stop in front of the door and take a deep breath to calm yourself before entering.

A part of you is scared you’ve made the wrong decision, you want to turn around and run to him but you know you need to see this through. People love to think about the what if’s: what if I chose the wrong major? What if we weren’t meant to ever meet? What if things had just gone the way I had so desperately wanted them to?

For you, it's what could have been that plagues your mind. To you, they’re far worse than what if’s because they were within your reach, the possibility of it coming to fruition so near but never close enough.

Jake has been your biggest what could have been, your almost. You try and reason that it’s okay that you picked him in the end, you need to know why. Why your love wasn’t enough, why the two of you aren’t together, why he was so quick to give up on the two of you.

You head inside and note the cafe isn’t big, it’s small and cozy. You spot Jake easily, he’s sitting near the back by a window facing you. He offers you a hesitant smile and wave of his hand. You exhale and slowly walk towards his booth and slide into the seat across from him. He meekly slides a drink across the table.

“I know you always liked lattes so I ordered one for you, I hope you don’t mind.”

You look down at the drink he had slid over to your side. It sits prettily in a white china cup, a leaf pattern in delicate milky foam among the pale brown. You wrap your fingers around it, enjoying the heat that spreads through your hands, grateful for the little warmth it provides. You take a hesitant sip, it’s bitter, but you recall telling Jake that only babies ask for hot chocolate.

Truth is, you had stopped drinking lattes once your friendship with him ended, the drink brought back too many unwanted memories. Memories of walking to the nearest cafe in Brisbane during finals season to get your coffee fix to stay up and finish studying were too apparent and hurt too much.

You take a bigger sip and this time let the warm liquid sit on your tongue for longer. You can't smell the bitterness of coffee beans in the warm air of the cafe and you feel safe and calm for just a moment. You allow yourself to get enveloped in the smell of baking bread and let your worries slip away for just a split second.

You place the cup back onto the table and slowly come back to reality. “Thank you.”

Jake shoots a shy smile your way and shrugs, “anything for you.”

You clear your throat and sit straighter, back on alert. You fiddle with the handle of your teacup not knowing what to say. Was this a mistake after all?

Jake, sensing your hesitance, decides to speak up first. “I’m sorry.”

“Why’d you do it?”

Jake studies your face for a good minute. He notes all the subtle changes about you, he picks up on your new hairstyle and the change in your clothes. He also picks up on the awkwardness that hangs in the air, things have never been this tense between the two of you and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“I was scared that I wouldn’t be enough.” Jake looks away for a brief moment to collect his emotions and make his apology sound as sincere as it can be. “Ever since we were nine you’ve loved me and I was scared that I would mess things up, that once we made things official you would expect more from me, more that I didn’t know how to give and that ultimately I would be the cause of your unhappiness and all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, ____.”

“I had enough love for the both of us,” you softly confess, your heart breaking at the revelation of how he truly felt at the time. “Why didn’t you just say that? Why didn’t you let me love you?”

Jake gulps, tears stinging his eyes. “Because it didn’t seem like a fair trade. You don’t deserve someone broken. I thought love came with conditions and I didn’t want to drain you.”

You frown, growing annoyed with how he declares how you feel. It irks you how his brain works, how he assumed how you would react, how you would feel rather than giving you the opportunity to brave through the motions together.

“You don’t get to just make decisions on my half.”

Jake stiffly nods. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Your hands ball up into fists, anger beginning to consume your body. “I’m sorry isn’t enough! I was in love with you Jake! I was willing to go to the ends of the earth just to see you smile! Why didn’t you just talk to me? I would have loved you enough until you could love yourself! We could have made it work!”

Jake shakes his head, “no we couldn’t have.”

You glare at him, “why the fuck not!?”

This time Jake stays silent. Your eyes challenge him though, begging him to continue. To give you one good reason as to why he walked away but he gives you nothing, once again making you look like a fool for throwing caution to the wind and picking him.

Angry tears pool in your eyes as you forcefully stand from your seat and stare down at Jake. He looks up at you in surprise and shame. “Don’t you fucking get it? Even after all this time, I’m still in love with you!” You scoff as you see his eyes widening at your confession. “And yet you still can’t be honest with me, I feel so stupid. You make me stupid Sim Jaeyun.”

You don’t wait for him to respond before you’re bolting out of the coffee shop and out into the rain. It’s coming down harder now than it was when you left. You let out a string of curses at how soaked you’re getting and at how embarrassed you feel for confessing your love to Jake.

“____! ____, wait!”

You hear him calling out to you but you don’t stop, if anything it spurs you on to walk faster. The streets of Newbury are astonishingly empty due to the rain making it seemingly easy for a clean escape. What you fail to take into account though is Jake’s ability to sprint due to years of soccer.

He grabs onto your arm and spins you around to face him, determination written all over his face.

“I don’t deserve love, ____ I don’t!” Jake can feel his head spin with hurt, pain and daunting thoughts that have always plagued his self-deprecating mind. “That’s why I walked away. I can’t be loved, not by you, not my dad, not by anyone. I’m not worthy of it… I’m not a lovable person.” 

“Oh my Gosh..” You place a hand over your mouth, emotions reaching a crescendo as you raise your voice. “Yes you are, Jake. Why do you think I’m standing here and telling you I love you? Why do you think I ever did any of the things I’ve done for you? Couldn’t you see it in the way I looked at you? In the way I touched you, the way I trusted you? You’re worth every fucking last bit of love I have.” 

“You are the greatest love I have ever known, ____. It felt selfish to keep you all to myself knowing you could have had more! Knowing I was holding you back-”

You shake your head cutting him off, “I only ever wanted you. You were always more than enough Jake and I wish you had just told me! I would have reassured you each and every time! That’s what you do when you love someone!”

Jake suddenly closes the gap between you, gripping your face intimately as he looks into your frantic eyes. “I didn’t know how to talk through my emotions, ____. I thought it was better to deal with it alone and that caused me the best thing I’ve ever had. I’m still in love with you. My feelings are so strong I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t think straight, I don’t think straight when it comes to you.” Your eyes stare back at his desperate ones, Jake trying so desperately hard to get you to understand. “I want to try again. I want to do it right this time and never let you go.”

Your lips quiver, taken aback by his warm touch and confession. Unable to resist the urge any longer, Jake slowly leans forward, one hand firmly grasping your waist, the other resting at the base of your neck, and presses your lips together. Lightning cracks overhead as the rain continues to pour down on the two of you, soaking through your clothes. But none of it matters. A warmth radiates through you as you continue kissing Jake as the world seems to melt around you. After a few moments, you slowly pull away, taking a small gasp of air. A sheepish smile creeps onto Jake’s face as you sigh against his lips, breaking eye contact for a moment before Jake plants another, shorter kiss on your lips.

“I love you, ____. I’m sorry for not trying hard enough before but please, give me another chance to love you the right way. The way you deserve. I’m not scared anymore.”

You sniffle and nod your head, “”Okay. Let’s try again. No hiding this time. I want all parts of you Jaeyun, even the parts that scare you.”

He smiles and pecks your lip one last time. “You have all of me.”

[aplaceforhumancorpses]

🍵༘PANCAKES🥯⊹ ࣪ ˖

„⤵ MILD ANGST and fluff! „⤵ 2 / (?) PARTS „⤵ JASON TODD X READER Jason is getting settled in his new home, after showing up at your door last night. Jason is a dead man walking, but he still needs you. Read PT 1 here! AFFECTION ROTS Reblogs much appreciated

The two of you eventually found the couch. You sat next to him, putting a throw pillow's distance between the two of you. Much to his disappointment. Jason was more clingy then he had ever been before. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. A few hours passed. You had both fallen asleep sometime after midnight. That morning he explained everything as best as he could to you, his death at the hands of the joker, the crowbar, the ressurection. Despite the granted confusion you followed as best you could. He told you everything. Everything that happened from the moment he died. He really missed you, despite the two of you being dumb in love teeangers. He still saw a future with you, and you were wary to admit you weren't sure you saw the same. He was diffrerent. Bigger, taller, stronger. And somehow more alive, than anything before. “I'm sorry." You managed to say. You felt like such a coward. You couldn't handle touching him, or holding his hand.

“I can't blame you. It'll take some time." He said sadly. You could see in his eyes that he was blaming himself. "You're doing great… I really am proud of you. Just wish we could've done all this… together, y'know?" he said the last part quietly, almost a whisper. You looked down, unable to hold eye contact.

"Things are a little bit different now. You know that right? I can't change my past. Even though I'd like to." You spoke slowly. "You know, it's gonna take some time. I don't regret our relationship. Never have."

”You're serious, huh?" he raised an eyebrow. It was nearly commical. You were devestating him with every word you spoke. "I wanted us to do this forever, you know? Like… forever. You've always been on my mind.. guess I should've known things weren't gonna stay the same. You're not fifteen anymore.." he mumbled.

He had a faraway look in his eye. You wondered how much of this story he had clearly made up inside his mind depended on you reciprocating his tender feelings. But you knew this was his way of trying to comfort you, despite his broken soul. He would give you time… "Do you remember our first date?" He suddenly asked. He smiled shyly, looking down at his lap. The image came unbidden to your mind, vivid and perfect. You remembered how much effort he put into planning. He was more thorough then any man. He was attentive, and a good listener. So why were you hesitant..? Maybe it was his dependency. “Um. Yes I remember- Um.. do you want breakfast?.." You said weakly, standing up and turning towards the kitchen, leaving him to his own thoughts. "I can make us something quick…" You heard him sigh in disappointment. When you finally turned around again, his elbows were on his knees. He was curled into himself. You knew he was trying to be strong. But it was hard to admire his strengths when he looked so pitiful.. It broke your heart. "I'm making pancakes.. Do you want some? They're grainy but- edible." You offered hesitantly.

“Yeah.. sounds good.” His voice cracked. He didn’t have a good relationship with food. After the truama of his death and even before that with the joker, he hadn’t been hungry at all. He never wanted food.. and when he did it threw it up promptly. Food always felt unsafe to him. And that included food cooked by you.. which seemed ironic, because he would have worshipped the ground beneath you if you asked him to.

He wondered if he watched the whole process of cooking from start to finish if he would feel better about it. He could trick his brain into understanding he was safe.

“God you’re so gorgeous..” He sighed. “I’m tired of falling for you all over again… s’not fair. Why can’t I have you?” You paused, setting the pan on the stove as it heated up. Melting the butter into a bubbly golden liquid. There was no denying he had changed a lot. He went from 4”6 to an even 6 foot. You could see the stretch marks that painted his hips whenever he lifted his arms up. Despite your ‘disinterest’ in him romantically, you would still take small peeks and glances whenever his shirt rode up, revealing some of the new muscle he had gained.

His sudden growth wasn’t unwelcome, it was just shocking that he had grown that much within the span of a few years. Especially considering he had always been smaller than you.

But you had accepted his advances with only halfhearted interest. Even if he was a handsome behemoth of a man today. But it was hard to deny the fact that when he looked at you like he did now, you felt a lingering warmth.

He hadn’t lost his charm. He still knew how to make you blush and smile. But maybe you were too afraid of losing what you shared with him.. again..

As you began making the pancake mix he kept his gaze trained on you and the food. He was obviously enthralled with it.. “I like strawberries.” He smiled softly, watching you work through the recipe. He’d always loved watching you cook. It reminded him of home.. it was vaguely reminiscent of Alfred. Even if he hated the Waynes he still missed having a family. “They remind me of you.” He continued. “Those soft, shiny pinkish red ones…” You nodded along to his words. He was always so sentimental.. “They smell like spring.” He added, smiling slightly. You felt yourself relax at his words. He could be sweet sometimes, despite the fact he was now, 10x his size, strength, and power. He was probably better at a lot of things now, you didn’t want to know what he would do to any of the failed relationships you had in your contacts still... But it was clear he still had that innocent side that you once loved. Jason was like weathered plastic in the garden, his old self was fading, but the spots where the sunlight hadn’t burned away the old Jason todd were still as vibrant and tender as ever. He seemed happier than usual too. His cheeks had begun to lighten up again, his skin seemed to glow from just having seen you again.

The food was ready, and you brought him over to the table. “I’m not an amazing cook, but I hope it’s okay….” You handed him the fork. He was silent for a while, staring at the plate in front of him.

“I uh.. I’m usually not so good with food but this does look really good I promise. It feels like I constantly have the flu. My mind is all fucking broken.."

"You deserve a break." You said, sitting opposite of him across the table. Your fingers intertwined tightly with your own beneath the table, under the table. You tried to suppress your nerves. He needed comfort and support now, you couldn't give him more. "You're here.. With me.. That's something." You said, trying to encourage him.

“I still want you. So bad..” He mumbled. His fork clinked against his plate as he set it down gently. You took a deep breath. You didn’t know what to say. You weren’t ready to talk about your problem with the matter of your relationship. You just wanted him to eat, and try to get better..

“Jason-“ You warned.

“Do you still love me?” He interrupted. He was trying to sound calm, but he was clearly agitated. The question threw you off guard. He looked at you with wide, desperate eyes. “Answer honestly. I need to know.” You hesitated.

“Yes.” You answered truthfully, not able to hide the hurt on your face.

“You don’t even want to touch me…” he muttered dejectedly.

“You died- I was at your funeral.. I don’t understand how your here right now..” you said firmly. “I’m just… confused, ok? I thought I understood everything..” You were trembling. You knew he saw, he understood. You didn’t know how to deal with the guilt gnawing at your stomach.. You hated seeing him this upset. “I miss you..” he whispered, staring at you with pleading eyes.

You lowered your gaze and shook your head. “I’m sorry- you.. Do you have a place to stay?..”

“Are you kicking me out?..”

“Well no- but I feel bad for making you sleep on the couch.” You explained. “You’ve done nothing wrong.. I’m sorry… do you want to stay?”

He remained silent and slowly ate the food placed in front of him. His lips forming into a thin line. He looked exhausted. But he was eating the meal you had made, albeit reluctantly and very slowly. It took him about 20 minutes, as he finished every bite without looking up or saying a word.

“Yeah. I want to stay here for a bit.” He replied after he finished chewing. You nodded, relieved. He pushed back the chair and stood up. He looked exhausted.

“I’ll get you some blankets.” You said quietly, walking back to your room to bring some out to him. While searching your closet, you heard soft footsteps behind you. Your body froze for a split second. Just Jason.. Just Jason…. Then you relaxed. You pulled out two fluffy blankets. You walked back towards him, throwing them over his shoulders. He let out a content sigh at the warmth. “It smells like you…” he mused. He looked so at peace. Like you had injected life into him for the first time since he got here.

He grabbed one pillow from your bed and squeezed it. He closed his eyes, feeling the soft material against his skin. You couldn’t help but smile softly. He looked at you like you hung the moon in the sky. A sense of wonder and relief washing over his features. He turned to the doorway, making his way to the living room.

The television flickered dimly on your TV stand. Your DVD’s stacked high, mostly disney and other classics. “I love you so much..” he murmured, looking around your home.

“I…” You paused. “Know.. you do..” you trailed off, not knowing how else to respond. It felt weird hearing those words come from him. You spent nights hoping to hear those exact words just.. one more time. Hearing them now..

“Where were you?” You asked, trying to distract yourself from the overwhelming guilt weighing down your chest.

“Oh y’know…” He shrugged. “Just…” he laughed awkwardly before sitting down on the couch. “Just running around doing shit. Nothing serious.” He admitted. “But I was able to find you eventually. I actually used to sit in the parking lot and stare at your apartment door, waiting for you to open it..” he looked embarrassed to admit that, scratching the side of his jaw. You chuckled lightly at that image. “You should have seen it, though! I sat there until my legs went numb and then I finally decided to walk away because I felt kinda creepy sitting there watching like that..” He grinned, remembering how pathetic and childish it sounded. “But, I had to see you last night. I had to talk to you... See how you were...” He said, sadly. “God…I’m really messed up.” He sighed, dropping his gaze onto the floor. You frowned as you noticed his mood swing.

“I missed you too-… I’m glad you’re back, and I’m sorry I’m being so cold.” You apologised.

He gave you an understanding glance, “you can be pretty difficult to read these days.. I just.. I hope you can understand my intentions. I still want you.”

“Night Jay.” You stood up, attempting to run away from the topic. “I have class in the morning. I gotta get some sleep. I have a presentation coming up.” You walked towards the bedroom, but stopped. You didn’t want to leave him alone yet. What happened wasn’t fair. “I’ll be back around 12 or so.. tomorrow.”

“Goodnight baby.” He sighed, laying down on the couch. You smiled at his nickname.

He stayed sleeping in his makeshift bed the whole evening, until 4 am or so when he slipped out from the blankets and into your room. He was just getting up to check on you, but eventually it became him… getting a closer look.. getting in bed. and passing out next to you. These blankets were big enough to cover him completely, no cold feet. There was barely any distance between you.

“Night..” he said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. He laid down facing away from you, but in his mind he was holding you close, his arms wrapped tightly around you. ...

[invisible-lint]

Everything Could Be Okay: Prologue

Andras x Reader

Summary: a prologue for what will be a Rhys x Tamlin's sister!reader

Warnings: angst! very brief mention of pregnancy loss

Word Count: 1,078

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

You knew you were already too late. You could feel it in the ache of your legs. The pounding of your heart. The breath panting through your lips as you race through the trees. He had made his decision, sending another to tell you, worried that seeing you again would change his mind. You knew that you couldn’t stop him, but perhaps you could at least say goodbye. 

Your dress catches on a branch, tearing, but you heed it no mind as you keep running as your destination comes into sight. Two sets of eyes fall upon you.The green eyes of your brother, filled with pity. The gray eyes of your husband, filled with regret.  Your brother nods before stepping away, giving the two of you the moment you so desperately need. You throw yourself at your husband, clinging to his tunic, the silver that had been rimming your eyes finally spilling over. 

"Don't do it. Don't leave me," you sob.

He says nothing, gently brushing the tears away from your eyes, somehow managing to keep his own at bay. 

"Andras. Please," you beg.

He speaks finally. "You know I must. For the Spring Court. For Prythian."

"To Hell with the Spring Court! To Hell with Prythian! I need you!" You pause for a moment, voice growing soft as your hand finds your stomach, cradling the babe growing inside. "We need you."

He places a hand over yours. "That's why I must go. There is so little time left and I will not let my child live in a world that's been corrupted by Her. I cannot bear the thought of it. It may be a fool's errand but it is the only thing that I can think of that might save our child. Save you."

You nod, a fresh wave of tears leaving you unable to speak. 

He holds you for a moment, wishing it could be different. Wishing there was a way he could protect you without sacrificing himself. A way to live and see his child born.  But there was not and so he must. He breathes in deeply, taking in your scent for the last time and kisses you on the forehead before stepping away and nodding at the other male. 

Somehow, you manage to stay on your feet as he leaves you, watching the magic that transforms your love. You walk over to the wolf that stands in his place, placing a hand on either side of his muzzle before pressing a parting kiss there. The wolf gives you one last longing look before slipping through the hole in the wall. 

You drop to the forest floor as your legs finally give out, sobs wracking your body. Your brother sinks down next to you, pulling you into his arms, holding you tight. As if by holding you he could prevent the shattering of your heart. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, voice cracking.  "I tried to talk him out of it. Tried to convince him to stay..." 

You ignore him, too focused on your own broken heart to listen to him try to make himself feel better. He picks you up then, standing to carry you home. If you can call it that anymore when such a vital piece of it is now gone forever. 

You were in the gardens the day he died. Wandering aimlessly, fiddling with the gold ring hanging on the chain around your neck. You felt it as he drew his dying breath. Perhaps you had been mates after all. Perhaps this was as close as you'd ever get to feeling that bond, that golden thread that would never be, emptiness filling your chest as you sink to the ground amongst the roses. If it had snapped, could you have convinced him to stay? Could you have convinced him that you needed him, needed the other half of your soul? A hollowness fills your chest where you had always imagined the bond might form linking you to him. But it never did. Emotions burn in your throat, and somewhere someone screams. It’s a raw, primal sound filled with grief. Could that be you? You’ve retreated so far into yourself that you don’t even know anymore. Your hand falls to your stomach where it will swell with child, curling around yourself  to protect the babe, as if this grief is an enemy you need to protect them from. 

You’re not sure how long you lay there, curled in on yourself, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. You knew this day was coming. He may as well have been dead the day he crossed the wall and went into the human lands. You press his ring to your lips, the gold band cool from the night air. 

It is not your brother who finds you, but Lucien. He picks you up, carrying you into the house that no longer feels like a home. He carries you to your room, tucking you into your bed. He sits next to you, stroking the hair back from your face just like your mother had when you would wake from a nightmare as a child. But there was no waking from this one. He tells you how Tamlin is already going to find Andras’ killer to see if his death has brought the hope we so desperately need. You pray to the Mother, hoping that it hasn’t all been for nothing. And as your eyes grow heavy, the grief finally dragging you down into sleep, you hear as Lucien softly sings a lullaby his mother sang to him as a child.

Months have passed when you wake with a start, tears streaming down your face. You'd dreamt of the forest again. Of losing your love, your home, your soul. Your dream followed him into the mortal lands, to where the human girl had shot him with the ash arrow. You had asked her about it, needing to know. Needing to know if he had been in pain. If he had suffered. 

 Your hand falls to where your child should be growing, letting the tears stream down your face as you stare up at the canopy of your bed. He had done it. Andras had been successful and now the rest was up to your brother. He just had to get the human girl to fall in love with him and your husband's sacrifice would not be in vain. Everything you lost would mean something. And maybe, one day, everything could be okay again.

Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first fic with more planned! If you liked it feel free to send a request!

Thanks @azsazz for inspiring me to give fic writing a try!

divider by: @tsunami-of-tears

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 4

Eminem x Reader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : Y/N’s ex boyfriend interrupts her dinner with Marshall.

Tags : angst, light smut, mention of miscarriage

You couldn’t believe Simon was standing here, only a few hours after breaking your heart for the second time.

- What are you doing here ? You asked.

- Can I talk to you alone ? He replied, looking at the three other people who were staring at you.

- Yeah… come to my room, you said as you led him upstairs.

You closed the door to your bedroom and caught him staring around.

- Nice space, he said. You settled in ok ?

- Why are you here Simon ? You asked.

- I want to apologise, he said. I didn’t expect to see you. Especially not when I was with someone else. I think I owe you an explanation.

- You don’t. We are broken up and you are free to kiss whoever you want, you pointed out.

- Still, I’m sorry you had to witness this.

You tried to smile and keep your composure. As much as seeing him with another woman hurt your feelings, you were touched by his apology.

- I hope she makes you happy, you said.

- She does.

- May I ask how long the two of you have been dating ?

- A while now, he said, suddenly looking uneasy.

- As in…? You felt the need to insist.

- Well, it pretty much started immediately after I left you, he admitted.

- Wow. You did not lose any time, did you ?

You stared at him in disbelief. You did not expect him to start dating so soon after leaving you.

- I want to come clean, Simon said.

- About what ?

You could feel yourself becoming more aggressive. You sensed there was something wrong.

- Sarah and I met when you were in the hospital, he said.

- Did you cheat on me ? You asked.

- No. I could never. But she… - she is part of the reason why I left, he admitted.

- I don’t understand. You said you left because I had a problem that needed fixing.

- I know. And I did. Partly.

- Did you even care about me ? You asked. Or were you just too eager to start a new, easier relationship ?!

- Of course I cared. I was worried sick for you. But then I met Sarah and…

Simon took a long pause.

- She made me see how simple love can and should be, he explained. As much as I loved you, there was too much drama between us. You know it too, Y/N.

- No. Don’t try this with me, you warned him. What you have the audacity to call drama is what I call trauma, Simon. I DID NOT CHOOSE TO LOSE OUR BABY. I DID NOT CHOOSE TO GRIEVE WHILE YOU MOVED ON.

- But you did choose to take pills, he said.

- BECAUSE YOU FUCKING LEFT ME ALONE, you screamed at him. PILLS WERE THE ONLY THING THAT HELPED ME EASE THE PAIN. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I TOOK PILLS ? YOU WERE FUCKING UNABLE TO BE HERE FOR ME. AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO COME HERE TO DO WHAT ? EASE YOUR CONSCIENCE ? TRY AND BE A GOOD MAN ?

You were now looking at Simon with disgust.

- Let me make this clear for you : a good man would have stayed by my side. A good man would have helped me. A GOOD MAN WOULD HAVE HAD THE BALLS TO BE HONEST FROM THE GET GO.

- Would you have seeked help if I had been ? He asked.

- THAT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. YOU ARE A PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN.

- Look, Y/N, I am sorry. I thought I needed to tell you the truth. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and you have no idea how hard it’s been.

- WELL I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR GUILTY CONSCIENCE.

You were screaming at the top of your lungs and tears were running down your face.

- Simon, I think you should go, Talia said as she emerged in the room.

- Look, I am sorry. I am merely trying to do the right thing, he tried to explain.

- YOU KNOW WHAT ? MAYBE I AM GLAD I LOST THE BABY AFTER ALL. I WOULDN’T WANT MY CHILD TO GROW UP TO BE A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU.

- Y/N ! Enough ! Jamal said.

- No. You have no idea what he…

- We heard everything, he interrupted.

Everyone was now gathered in your room, looking at you. Your heart was beating fast and you were out of your mind.

- I never want to see you again, Simon, you said coldly.

- I am sorry, he said before leaving.

You looked at him as he left the room and, eventually, the house. You were still crying, but unable to make a single sound.

- I thought you were going to kill him, Jamal said. God, I didn’t know you were capable of screaming so loud.

- You should have let me, you simply said.

- Are you ok ? Talia asked.

- No. He lied to me. He never really cared. All this time I thought… whatever.

You put your face in your hands. Still in shock. It felt as if everything you had ever felt about your relationship had been a lie all along.

You felt someone pulling you in their arms. It was Marshall. You didn’t move. You just kept on crying, tears of sadness, pain and anger. He didn’t move either, he just stood still and stroked your hair.

- Do you need anything ? Talia asked, but you were unable to answer.

- We should give them a moment, babe, Jamal said.

- We… we’ll be downstairs, she said.

You heard the door close and it was just you and Marshall. For what seemed like forever, you were unable to stop crying. He held you and stroked your hair and skin in an attempt to soothe you. At some point, you had no tears left. Still, it took a few minutes for you to let go of Marshall’s. When you realised you were holding on to him, you felt embarrassed.

- sorry, you said. I didn’t mean to…

- It’s fine, he said, taking a look at your face. You don’t have to apologise.

- I kind of do, though. You probably had other plans that didn’t involve me bawling like a baby or screaming like a madwoman.

- Well you didn’t choose to, did you ?

- No but… God, I am so embarrassed, you said.

- Don’t be, he said as he took your hand.

- I am such a mess. And Simon he is such an…

- Dont start. Don’t think of him, he said.

His voice was firm. It almost sounded like an order. It would probably have felt weird if this hadn’t been soothing. Truth was, you didn’t want to think anymore. About anything. This very instant, you wished you could swallow some pills, just to ease your mind and prevent you from overthinking.

You let your head fall on Marshall’s shoulder, your hand still in his. In this moment, his presence was the most reassuring thing in the world. He pulled you closer and held you again. You buried your face in his neck.

- Do you want to leave ? You finally asked.

- Do you want me to leave ? Marshall asked back.

- No, not yet, you replied instinctively, before you could even think about your words.

You could feel his fingers tracing circles on your skin. You kept your eyes closed and focused on the sensation of his skin against yours. You could feel his breath on your neck.

- I just… I don’t want to think, you said, your head buried in his neck.

- Then don’t, he replied.

Without really thinking, you planted a kiss on his neck. You could tell he was surprised as it almost startled him. Yet, he pulled you even closer and dug his fingers into your skin. This prompted you to do it again. His skin felt soft and warm against your lips.

- Kiss me, you pleaded, without thinking about it. It was as if words fell out of your mouth.

And much to your surprise, he did kiss you. He held you tight as his lips brushed against yours. The kiss was soft, at first, and then deepened, as Marshall’s tongue found yours. He placed one hand on the back of your neck, the other on your hip. You soon found yourself against the wall as he kept kissing you. You didn’t want it to end. In fact, it was quite the contrary. You kissed him harder and softly bit his lip, causing him to grunt.

- Y/N… he started, his blue eyes staring into yours.

- Please, you pleaded.

In that moment, you realised you were full of desire for him. You wanted nothing else but for him to make the pain go away. For a split second, it seemed like he was going to talk, but his lips found yours again. His kisses were soft, so were the strokes of his fingers on your skin. But as agreeable as this was, you wanted more.

- Marshall, please.

- What ? He asked between two kisses.

- More.

It was the only word that could leave your lips. More. Marshall gently pushed you against the wall again and deepened your kiss, his hands starting to wander around your body. It felt as though your skin was on fire. You needed him, you craved his touch. Your hands started to wander as well. You pulled his hat and his jacket, before running your fingers through his hair. You could feel his hands in your back, underneath your tank top. His moves were ever so soft, ever so slow, as if he wanted to make sure not to rush you. You were the one in control. Soon enough, you ran your hands underneath his tee-shirt. You could feel muscles under your touch.

- Take it off, you ordered.

Once again, he did as you said and went back to kissing you. You ran your fingers through his back, gently scratching it with your nails. You could tell he liked it by the way he deepened the kiss. He gently grabbed your waist and you wrapped your legs around him. He brought you to the bed, placing you on top of him. You quickly took your tank top off and he gently unclasped your bra. Your chest was against his and it felt like your skin was meant for his touch. You started grinding against him while you kept on kissing and he gently caressed your back. At that point, you were soaking wet and you wanted him to feel how much desire you had for him, just like you could feel him being rock hard for you. As you got up to remove your sweatpants, he gently grabbed your arm.

- Y/N… he started.

- Mmh ? You asked.

- I don’t think it’s a good idea, he said, sitting up.

- Don’t you want to ? You asked, confused.

- Believe me, I do, but… we shouldn’t.

- How about you hold that thought for later ? You said seductively, before kissing him with passion. I want you.

He kissed you back and pulled you closer for a second before breaking the kiss again.

- Y/N… no.

This time, it was firm. You stared at him in disbelief.

- What’s wrong ? You asked.

He stared in your eyes intensely and handed you your tank top.

- It’s a bad idea, Y/N.

- Why ? You asked, visibly hurt.

- I want you, he said. And you’re amazing, but…

- But what ? You asked rolling your eyes.

- You had a bad night, our friends are right downstairs and… he took some time to answer.

- And what ?

- I don’t think I should be messing with you, he simply said.

- Meaning ?

- Please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is, he said as he put his tee-shirt back on.

- I feel so stupid, you blurted out.

- Don’t, he said gently.

- Well clearly I do. I shouldn’t have jumped on you, as you clearly don’t want me !

- Please, keep your voice down, he asked in an annoyed voice. The last thing we need is for Talia and Jamal to hear us. You have no idea how much I want this… but it can’t happen.

- Right, you said.

- I’m really sorry, Y/N.

You stared at each other for a few seconds. He leaned in and kissed your cheek.

- I should probably go, he said.

- Right.

You lowered your gaze, feeling like a fool. Marshall mumbled a few words of apology before leaving the room and heading downstairs, where you heard him say goodbye to your friends. You made sure he had left before you joined them in the living room.

- Are you feeling better ? Talia asked.

- Yeah, you lied. Look guys, I’m sorry for the screaming and the crying, I just… I lost it.

- It’s ok, she said. We were just really worried for you. I’m sorry you didn’t get the celebratory night you deserved.

- Yeah, it sure doesn’t feel like much of a celebration, you murmured.

- What ?

- Nothing, you said. I think I should go and rest.

- Yeah. We’ll do something with Marshall another night, Jamal said. It’s great that you guys are hitting it off. He really likes you, you know ?

- We’ll see, you said with a forced smile.

You got back to your room and laid in bed, still surrounded by the scent of Marshall’s cologne. You tried to clear your head and go to sleep, but you could only think of the sensation of his skin against yours. At the same time, you couldn’t help but wonder how it would be like when you saw him again. Ever since you had started hanging out with the group, you had thought the world of him. He was the funniest person you knew, kind and thoughtful too. You really hoped you hadn’t blown it.

[wavykade]

Behind Blue Eyes

Pairing: Yandere Dante x gn!Reader.

Warnings: stalking, manipulating, unhealthy behavior.

Word count: 0.8k

Note: ❗The plot is taken from the c.ai bot Yandere Dante by FallofFall. I am not the author of this idea.❗

When Dante said he would help you get rid of the stalker, you believed him. After all, he was your last hope - incredibly fast, strong, and renowned as the Legendary Devil Hunter.

You believed him when he said it would be safer for you to stay at Devil May Cry. You believed him when those angelically pure, blue eyes sparkled with a demonic glint, while his hands held you securely, but too tightly. Whispering sweet words of comfort in your ear and sending shivers down your spine with his noble intention to calm your raging fear, which he himself had planted in you.

Blindly, you did not notice the obvious signs of alarm: he was always by your side, watching over you, because as he said, "the stalker was much more dangerous than he thought." Dante had you wrapped around his finger, isolating you, cultivating the fear of going outside.

But you found out. Found out, clutching the smooth surface of the photograph tightly with trembling fingers, so intimately hidden in the bottom drawer of his desk. Dozens of photos. And in every single one - only you. When you smiled brightly, casually chatting with your friend at a café. Rosy cheeks... a gleam of happiness in your eyes. When you stood naked, examining yourself in the mirror after a shower, appraisingly running your eyes over your figure. Wet hair, droplets of water beading on your skin...

Dante was swiftly going insane.

Have you ever considered how difficult it was back then to just watch, just observe you, seeing you naked but unable to approach you, agonizing over how tight his pants were. Dante's cock was standing, stretching the fabric of his pants. The painful pressure building inside him only fueled the madness.

Dante endured, clenching his jaw to the point of sweet pain in an attempt to maintain composure as a fire burned inside him. His demonic side went crazy in your presence, his head spinning, his breath deepening, and his eyes sinfully darkening with the desire to touch, no... to be close to you and kiss your lips until only his name remained on your tongue. To make sure you were safe by his side, that he wouldn't lose someone as precious as you. Again.

Human minds are like unpredictable weather conditions: one moment everything shines with sunshine and rainbows, and the next we are faced with storms and hurricanes. We convince ourselves of something so strongly that it becomes our truth - our guiding light leading us through the darkness towards that horizon, like in children's fairy tales.

But then doubt creeps in, slowly but surely, seeping into our thoughts until the seeds sown earlier start to take root, growing stronger day by day, until eventually everything we once believed crumbles around us, leaving nothing but confusion, disappointment, perhaps even anger.

But what if it all comes crashing down in a single moment? Breaking the fragile trust that once shattered, is unlikely to be repaired. Like a delicate flower easily broken down under the weight of even the slightest prejudice.

Once impassive fingers, now becoming uncontrollable performers of your trembling body, danced an awkward dance between disappointment and horror. Fear embraced the shaking hands, as if giving them a final touch of a dying star.

There was no way back for you from the very beginning, as soon as your foot stepped into his office.

With grace, Dante gained your trust. With each joke, each moment of joy and playful word, you immersed yourself deeper into his charm, like a whirlwind that mesmerizes and does not let go until the end. But only an experienced hunter knows how to hide the truth behind his mask, and in Dante's gaze, echoes of a dark nature flickered, which he skillfully swept under the positive mask of a desirable conversationalist. However, this darkness, exulting in his eyes, tainted all his beauty.

In the end, you trusted when his face shone with a playful smile, you trusted when he was merry and relaxed. You trusted when he wanted you to.

Now you feel how the atmosphere of the surrounding room involuntarily tightens with every one of his gazes, filling you with a trembling from head to toe. Every movement of Dante's, as if carefully calculated, forces you to retreat, like a fleeing little animal, until you find yourself a compressed stone between him and the cold wall. You feel that the air slows down, it becomes harder for you to breathe, and your previously strong heart suddenly sinks into a abyss of fear. An icy shiver runs down your spine, as if a laser is drawing flickering wavy patterns on your skin. A trap.

That's what it was originally.

You believed, and he locked you up. You believed, and he betrayed you.

You trusted those angelically blue eyes, devoid of God's mercy.

[ussernams-is-unavailable]

What Happened When Uzi Wasn't There To Help N?

Aka, I really wanted to write N dying here and decided to share it

Characters: N, Tessa, Louisa, CYN.

Word count: 1,056

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Hearing footsteps next they looked over, Tessa squealing out and throwing the glass aside as she saw N, rushing over and picking him up by his face, squeezing his cheeks as she twirled in the air with him. “Hi Tessa.” N spoke with a faint muffle after she stopped spinning him, still squeezing his face. Noticing a second drone Tessa looked over with curiosity. “Oooh, who'd you bring wit-... You.” Tessa let N down, squinting her gaze at the drone, the mood in the group seeming to have gotten more tense, much to N’s confusion.

“Seems J forgot to. Let me out of my basement time-out again.” CYN spoke with an autonomous voice, body hunched over, limbs bent at odd angles, head tilted to the side. “And yet, here you are.” J groaned while she spun the key on her finger, tossing it in the air before catching it with her hand. “Annoyed expression.” CYN announced, turning her head to J.

N slightly pushed away from Tessa as he was still processing everything said, looking between CYN and them. “W-Wait, you guys are… Locking her up?” N’s voice seemed to waver, hurt that his friends would seemingly lock her away. “Oh, N…” Tessa trailed off, trying to find the right words to justify the reason. Ultimately coming up empty handed.

“Tessa James Elliott!” Louisa’s voice rang through, all 3 quickly standing up straight, facing towards the woman as she stormed forward, looking to the 2 drones. “We will not entertain your dumpster pets!” She spat out, looking at N and J with pure disgust. “Y-Y-Y-Yes mother. Sorry mother.” Tessa stammered out, looking down somberly. Louisa glared at the three, suddenly jumping back when she finally noticed CYN, a strike of thunder booming through, showing the face of the devil for a fraction of a second. “Oh, Chris almighty! What have I said, I want this little Antichrist out of my sight!”

She used her fan to try and shoo away CYN, the drone standing there with a confused smile, head tilting to the side with amusement. “Still can't follow simple orders?” Louisa questioned through gritted teeth, Tessa freezing up under the question, guilt riddling her mind. “No, no! Please, I-” Tessa was immediately shut up with a snap of her mother's finger. Swinging her fan to point it at CYN. “Swamp. Dumping your broken drones clogging our library tomorrow too. Don't test me.” She growled out, walking away in a huff, leaving the teen who looked between her drones with a sense of dread, knowing she couldn't do anything.

She was able to speak up, fearful of how Louisa may react, knowing they were already on thin ice from her room and previous time she's spoken against her parents.

“They are not. Broken. We. Can no longer be. Thrown out.” CYN spoke, stepping in front of the four, Louisa freezing in an instant, body rattling with anger, growing hot under the collar as she turned to face the drone, a flame ragging in her eyes. “Did that little Anti-Chris-” “I-I-I told her to say that!” N quickly interrupted, jumping in front of CYN, lightly ushering her to stay behind and not speak up again. “And brought her here. I-I just… Hate orders…?” N began to grow more and more nervous, swallowing the lump in his throat, all the while Louisa’s blood began to boil. “And your fan’s dumb…?” N continued to add while throwing up a sideways peace sign along with putting on with a forced grin and chuckle, which slowly began to dissolve second by second under Louisa's cold, deathly gaze.

“No! Aah! Stop!” N screamed out, his pleas near deafened by the rain pelting the Earth, body chained to the large tree, arms wrapped together unable to defend himself from the crow’s vicious attacks, tickling the poor drone to near death. “Stop! Please!” He giggled, unable to squirm away from their playful pecks along his whole body. One raven hopped over, dropping a stick in front of N, nudging it forward, the raven's tail wagging, tongue sticking out, panting like a dog.

Picking up the stick N reeled his arm back, trying to contain his giggles. “Go get it, goobers!” Throwing the stick into the air it flew a good distance before a different raven altogether snatched it right out of mid air, flying away with it. Without warning all the ravens on the ground snapped their attention to the chained drone with sinister, glowing green eyes, piercing through the darkness of the rain.

Gulping in fear he glanced nearby to another drone who suffered a similar fate he too was bound to encounter. He gave a shaky thumbs up to ravens, hoping they were still cool, but they weren't. The ravens flew back, and unlike last time were attacking him for real. “Ronald, we were buddies!” N called out desperately, as if he could get a shred of remorse from these creatures. He held his arms up to protect his face, doing his best to duck away from their attacks with his limited movement.

Feeling a pain in his side he looked down, one of the ravens having pierced through his clothing jabbing its beak through his metal body, pulling away at the outer lay, showing his inner circuits. “Ack, W-Wait, no, stop that!” Swinging his arms down he shoved away the ravens at his side, but in doing so left his face wide open, one taking the opportunity and diving down, beak cracking right through his visor, a scream ripping out his vision was quickly worsened.

Now needing to defend his face this went back and forth, a repeated process of protecting his face or body, legs kicking away whichever came near. “P-Ple-ease st-ah-!” His voice would cut out, glitching out and buffering as the circuits to his voice box had been tattered. Despite his desperate attempts his body would soon refuse to act to his command, rain seeping in through the countless holes ripped along his body, arms dropping to his side, body beginning to fritz out.

Now defenseless the ravens used this to their advantage, swarming him within seconds, tearing away at more of his metal body, vision all but gone, visor a shattered messed, barely able to scream out in desperate, glitchy pleases, only to be deafened by the rain storming down, eventually coming a complete stop, the ravens flying off minutes after once finished having their fills.

[mania-sama]

i thought i could escape (but it's fate i've come to find)

Shadow Of Mine - Alec Benjamin

➼ information ❧ Call of Duty ❧ Pairing: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley ❧ Tags: character study, stabbing, hurt! ghost, angst with a happy ending, past child abuse, post-mw2, hurt/comfort, hurt! soap ❧ Summary: When Simon Riley was a child, his mother told him an ancient legend. When you are born, a shadow is born alongside you. As you grow older, it grows. And when it becomes strong enough, it will hunt you down. It was about time Ghost met his shadow. ❧ Word Count: 3,771 ❧ Cross-posted from Archive of Our Own ❧ Original post date: 31 December 2022

As his breath flowed out of his balaclava and crystallized in the air, Simon realized he wasn’t alone.

Ghost retained very little memories of his childhood. He remembered them most at night, when his nightmares prayed on his unconscious mind. In the daytime, he could recall his mother brushing his hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ear, her voice soothing the beating of his heart as his father lurked around the corner.

Sometimes she told him stories. The one she told him only once was the one he remembered most vividly, the memory never diminishing even as time threatened to wear it down. It was his favorite story, not because it reminded him of his sweet, loving mother, but because it sent true anticipation into his veins. It wound him up like a spring, ready to snap at the first hint of danger.

Ghost wasn’t a name he achieved by just being a good soldier. He was violent, relentless, and most importantly, unable to track. If he wanted to slip away from a situation, he could do so flawlessly. If he was in a fight, he would take down all of his offenders and leave nothing to prove he was ever there at all. Getting captured was never a mistake. When someone caught him, it was because Ghost let them.

He was a poltergeist, killing silently and leaving no trace. That’s what had earned him the name Ghost.

Task Force 141’s rendezvous point was far enough from the city that, if they were to be tracked, they could fend off their attacker without leading them straight to their base. Despite doing everything as correctly as he normally did, Ghost had been followed.

When a living being is brought into this world, it is born with a shadow. The story had scared him as a child. Now, as a soldier who’d lived through the worst the world could shove at him, he only felt adrenaline.

Only one person was on his tail, matching him step for step somewhere in the surrounding wilderness. The sounds of the forest did well to hide their feet crunching the snow, but Ghost had a sixth sense. He could tell when other poltergeists were on the hunt, haunting grounds just like he did.

His communications device had broken during the mission, but it hadn’t been a big deal at the time. His team had faith in him to make it back to the rendezvous point in good time. Besides, he was used to working alone and in silence, only relying on himself and his surroundings. It was almost comforting.

His mother’s voice whispered in his ear. I have a shadow. Your father has one, and you do, too. As you grow older, your shadow will evolve with you.

Ghost had thought, at one point, that he was simply his father’s shadow. It wasn’t until he’d beat his old man half to death and kicked him out of the house that he realized he was incorrect. If he had been his father’s shadow, Ghost would have killed him without hesitation.

The white world softened all noise and, with a turning stomach, Ghost failed to detect when his stalker had slipped away. His sixth sense still tingled, but he’d lost where they had been in the forest.

“I’m not going to play this game,” he called. His voice shook the trees of their snow and scared away a small bird. His grip on his gun tightened, though there was nothing to aim at. “Take your shot now and get it over with.”

Ghost was untraceable. He had been abused and betrayed but never tracked. He was a ghost through and through. Nothing ordinary could see his apparition.

Until one day, she said, it will become strong enough to find you.

The first hit came as a strike to his shoulder, right beside the strap of his vest. There hadn’t been a bang, and the metal sticking out of his flesh wasn’t a bullet. Instead of pulling out the star-shaped weapon, he aimed his rifle towards where the shuriken had been thrown. The sound of his shot reverberated through the forest, but it did not hit its target.

The second hit was in his calf. Most of the extra padding in his uniform was around his torso and thighs, as well as the protection of his skull from his mask. So his calves were exposed, outside of a fabric layer, and left it easy to puncture and bleed. The shuriken had sunk itself deep into his flesh.

Pain exploded in his leg, but he ignored it. Things like that became easy overtime if you went through enough torment. “Coward,” he seethed through clenched teeth, shooting in the new direction. He knew his shot had missed when he heard it bury itself into a tree.

The third hit sank into his hip, stuck in between sliver area where there wasn’t padding between his thigh and torso. This was almost a bit of fun to his stalker, apparently, showing off their skill while hidden in the white snow and evergreen trees.

Then, he finally saw his assailant. They smiled, their lips being one of the only true features Ghost could truly make out. He aimed and fired, but by the time the bullet left the barrel, they were long gone from the tree they had been perched in. The fourth hit was in his other shoulder, an exact replica of the first hit.

That lit a fire in his gut.

“Come out, then! These won’t do anything unless you take them out, so come do it!” Ghost yelled into the forest. What he said wasn’t wrong, though if he was hit in a vital area, he would actually have something to really worry about.

He didn’t appreciate being toyed with. They had already proven their capabilities with aiming, and with four pieces of metal sticking out of his body, Ghost knew he wouldn’t be able to outrun them. If they continued like this, he would eventually run out of ammo. He shot towards where an echoed laugh came from. 

Another star-shaped weapon lodged directly into the muzzle of his rifle as he was staring down the scope, splintering the barrel with a crack. Well, shit. His gun was out of commission, then; one shot and it would explode in his face. He had to bring them down to his level.

He’d been in worse odds.

It will try to kill you with everything it has. The more sins you commit, the stronger and more bloodthirsty it will be.

Bloodthirsty was a big word for a child as young as he was, even though he’d already seen what the word meant with his own two eyes.

He never thought Manuel Roba was his shadow. That man wanted him alive, for the most part. Burying Ghost had been a futile attempt at killing him. There was no real effort put in, but rather leaving nature to be his murderer. It had failed, since Roba had not understood Ghost’s will to survive.

Roba had not been Simon’s shadow, and he had proved that by putting a bullet through his brain.

But this person, the one who had tracked Ghost and remained hidden in the trees, had already broken his gun. Unless they had a gun, no bullet would find its way in their skeleton.

The mission hadn’t been without an injury. While Ghost himself had come out unharmed, he knew one of them had not. Johnny. One of the best their task force had, and yet he’d sustained a heavy leg injury. Gaz and Price were the ones that helped him out of the city, but it didn’t stop a coil of urgency to set in his body.

If Ghost took too long, they wouldn’t be able to treat the injury in time, and his leg became permanently damaged. If that happened, they’d lose one of their best. Ghost stamped out the part of him that gnashed ugly teeth made of pounding hearts and sweating palms that weren’t from the adrenaline of battle.

He’d done well to ignore that viscous animal inside of his brain ever since he’d met Soap. He wasn’t going to let it loose now, not that very same person needed him to get a move on.

Despite its inability to fire, Ghost kept his hands on his firearm. He positioned it so it covered some of the unpadded areas of his front body. If anything, it could be used as a shield.

Snow crunched loudly directly behind him, and Ghost turned around fast enough to give any untrained person whiplash. Standing calmly, a shuriken resting between their fingers, was a masked soldier. Their entire face was covered in a black balaclava aside from their mouth, which was spread wide in a grin. If his gun hadn’t been splintered, there would’ve been a bullet on their lips.

Instead, he settled on reaching for one of his knives— long, stained with blood, and made to kill.

“Ghost,” they said. It was impossible to tell gender by their voice and physique, able to say either and it would be viable. The Middle Eastern accent wasn’t helping. “Embarrassing performance. I expected much more.”

They dropped their weapon on the ground, just as Ghost had. He wondered how they could see, what with their eyes being covered. The train of thought didn’t last very long as he began a calculated rush at his assailant.

Once it comes for you, you must defend yourself with equal vigor.

Anger didn’t blind him. He wasn’t goaded on by the mocking taunts. He was level-headed and sure of his movements, the adrenaline of a fight kicking him into cruise control.

Yet, the metal sticking out of his shoulders lodged themselves deeper into his body as the soldier blocked the attack with his own knife. It was a throwing knife, short and clean, yet made to kill just like the rest of them.

Blades were Ghost’s speciality. He’d trained with them against his will since he’d been small, but instead of abandoning them in adulthood, he’d become their companion. He may not have understood shurikens , but knives? Knives were the oxygen he breathed, the iron in his blood, and the chemicals in his brain.

The throwing portion of the knife would be of little use for them. Ghost intended to keep it entirely close quarters to get a handle on their knife to turn it against them. Deflect. Stab. Swipe. Deflect. It had a perfect rhythm that Simon relished in.

Ghost didn’t underestimate his opponents; that would get him killed eventually. More importantly, he didn’t lose knife fights. But they had started to grapple, and the moment he was on his back, the shuriken in his calf was driven to the bone. Searing hot pain flashed through his vision, and that single moment of unclarity allowed the other soldier to straddle him.

The shuriken in his hip matched the one in his calf, sending his nerve endings in a flare. The ones in his shoulders threatened to loosen the grip he had on his blade, but he remained steady. If he didn’t have his fingers in commission, he would be done for.

They were of equal strength and ability. Their fight had lasted longer than any normal one.

Simon, do not be afraid. As long as you keep your hands clean, your shadow will not be strong enough to kill you. Perhaps you will even make friends with it.

Ghost bucked, successfully throwing off the incoming blade. However, the butt of their knife collided harshly with his skull mask, cracking it right down the middle. Between the metal in his body and his now pounding headache, the first hints of true anger set into his bones.

Emotions were a nuisance. They clouded his judgment and threw him off kilter. He’d shut them off long ago, but when they came back, they did so with full force.

It wasn’t just anger. It was a deep-seeded fear that tried to butt its head to the surface every time he took off his mask and showed his face. He was afraid, afraid of the fact that he was losing the knife fight.

But mamma, what if I do bad things in my life?

He successfully rolled them over, but it didn’t last for long. They blocked his direct attempt at their neck, switching their positions. Distantly, he recognized that the shurikens were blocking blood flow to his head and the rest of his body. Parts of his body were going numb as his heart couldn’t get blood to them.

Then it will be very strong, and you will have to fight it, darling.

For a while, Simon thought John “Soap” MacTavish was his shadow.

Soap didn’t aim for his heart with a rifle or a knife. He didn’t kick or scratch or abuse Ghost like all of the other potential shadows had. Instead, Soap had taken a shovel and dug up his heart from where Ghost had buried it underground. He had done so to protect himself from getting hurt again, and from hurting others. Because anything he had ever loved turned to ash underneath his fingertips.

His heart was buried for the greater good. But Johnny had presented Ghost with that dirt-covered heart, shovel in hand and a shit-eating grin plastered over his face. As long as he had his heart in his hands, he could crush it at any moment. It was then, Simon had concluded, that John “Soap” MacTvaish was his shadow.

It had taken too long for Soap to kill him. There had been so many chances, so many opportunities to crush his heart. Get killed in action and stamp Ghost’s heart back into the ground. Leave the military behind and forget all about Task Force 141, squeezing his heart until it pops. Find a nice girl to cozy up with and show Ghost that he was imagining all of the tender moments they’d shared, driving a stake through his heart.

Soap wasn’t his shadow, even though it sure as hell seemed like it for the longest time.

After that, he considered if he was Soap’s shadow, destined to break his heart in all the ways that Ghost had imagined Soap doing to his own. Maybe he would just knock him down and shoot him in the back of his head one day, not giving him enough time to process the betrayal.

He had only thought that for a brief amount of time. A day or two at the most. Then he realized that Soap couldn’t have built up a shadow like Ghost. He was too good of a man who had committed too little sins, even in their line of work. His shadow would be violent, sure, but it wouldn’t be a poltergeist.

So that left Simon’s true shadow yet to be found. The knife, gleaming in the moonlight, came arching down on Ghost’s face.

There is one thing they don’t tell you about shadows, Simon.

His shadow’s smile was sickly. Ghost shifted his head in a vein attempt to stop the oncoming blade from hitting its mark. His arms were barely holding on to his own knife. Several of them had been discarded in their fight, both from him and his opponent. His head was woozy and he could barely think straight.

Their one goal in life is to kill you. They don’t have attachments, and they don’t have anything to live for.

They cut straight through his mask and cheek entirely. The knife’s edge grazed his teeth and stuck into the ground next to where his eyes had once been.

As long as you have something to live for, something to cling to, then you are better than your shadow.

He let that viscous animal out of its cage, the one that gnashed its teeth and only wanted love. It chomped down on his brain and thrashed.

And you will win your fight against it, no matter the odds.

Above him, he heard a strangled gasp. It took one, two, three seconds before his shadow collapsed directly on top of Ghost, the handle of a black knife protruding from their back. His aim had been sharp and true. He didn’t have to pull the weapon out to know it had pierced their heart.

All he could imagine as he pushed the dead soldier off of him and into the dark, soiled snow, was Johnny’s leg. How he wouldn’t be able to walk if Simon died before he could get to their rendezvous site. He ignored the knives littering the ground and pulled out his first-aid kit. There was very little aid inside, just enough to prevent one serious injury from killing someone immediately.

His shaky hands didn’t accomplish much. He wrapped gauze around his mouth as he bled directly onto his tongue and snow. He had to be careful to not move his jaw, lest he tear his cheek open more than it already was. Head tilted down to keep the blood flowing into the gauze and out of his throat, he limped in what he assumed was the right direction.

Up was down, left was right, and the snow collided with Ghost’s face as he fell to the ground. He didn’t know how long he had walked for. He couldn’t feel anything anymore, outside of the copper taste on his tongue. It was a nasty wound. Bits of the wrap had come off from how soggy it was. His arms weren’t quite working anymore, and neither were his legs.

But he crawled, and he crawled, and he crawled until he saw headlights. He couldn’t hear them shouting his name, but he could see them. He couldn’t feel them turn him over to examine him, but he could see that they were missing one soldier, the one that carried his heart.

The white world turned black.

–

“You saved my life.”

From his chair in the hospital room, Soap stared incredulously at Ghost. His leg was in a cast, but it would make a full recovery within a couple of months. The team had been able to bind Soap’s leg well enough that the time it took to get professional treatment was inconsequential.

“I was the only one not out helping you,” he said, eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed tightly in front of his chest. That much was true. What Ghost hadn’t remembered, the team had filled him in on.

Soap had been stretched out in one of the two cars waiting to take the team away from the city, letting his leg rest. They had waited for a concerning amount of time, and just as they were about to send Gaz out to try and locate Ghost, he’d crawled in front of their headlights.

Similar to Soap, they laid Ghost out in the back of the car so he wouldn’t agitate any of the wounds, and the others stuffed themselves into any place they could in the cars. Then, they had broken just about every single traffic law in the country to get to somewhere that Ghost and Soap could be treated safely.

He had been told that he’d almost died. Almost. Ghost could believe it; it wouldn’t be the first time Death had him in its clutches.

Soap huffed. “I think you’re full o’ shit.”

There had been very few people allowed in his room since he’d woken up, and half of them were nurses and doctors. His mask had been discarded in order to let his face wound heal correctly, and he wasn’t comfortable with so many people able to see his face at one time.

The staff had to take pictures of wounds that people were brought into the hospital for. It was protocol, and Ghost knew this. As soon as he had been given the chance, he asked to see his pictures. Whatever he had been expecting, it had been so much worse.

It looked like something straight out of a horror movie. His entire cheek had been cut open, stretching from the edge of his mouth all the way to his jawbone. It revealed the insides of his mouth, which had been coated in dirt, snow, blood, and what looked like a few maggots. He couldn’t be entirely sure, but it was positively horrifying.

It was stitched up now, but it still hurt like a motherfucker. He figured it would for a while.

“I had been followed, Johnny.” Ghost had been asked to give a debrief of his fight multiple times, but he’d feigned ignorance for each one of them. He’d let the monster out of its cage, and it was still biting everything it could.

It only settled down when it saw Soap. “You? Followed? I think you’re pulling m’ leg.”

For once, Ghost was happy he didn’t die. Unfortunately, he feared he would actually miss that horrendous Scottish accent. “Believe whatever you want, but what I’m saying is true,” he said. “I met my match.”

“You survived, L.t..”

“Barely.” His heart was beating in Soap’s hands, the other man’s fingers coiled around it in a bloody mess. This was going to be painful. “My mother told me a story once, about shadows.”

The hospital room smelled of antiseptics and bleach, and Soap wasn’t wearing his military attire. He was dressed casually, like he was visiting a friend and not a broken, traumatized soldier.

He didn’t talk about his mother to anyone. The blood was seeping between Soap’s fingers.

It had taken him a week to be allowed to talk again, and a couple days more to get used to the pain. Yet, in the words that spilled out of his mouth, he found it easy to ignore the pain. He was too focused on watching his heart beat and how Johnny chose to hold it. He could only observe as his fingers became tight on his organ when Simon told him just how he’d killed his shadow.

Then, he gently caressed his heart with that same shit-eating grin.

“If I ever meet my shadow,” Soap said, and his face was lit with the most joy Ghost had ever seen. It was beautiful. “I think our fight would be just like yours. Especially the ending.”

Even though Ghost’s cheek was stitched and he was confined to his hospital bed until he was ready for physical therapy, even though Soap had a fractured leg and a million scars, and even though they were both children born from blood and ash, they kissed as though love was all they’d ever known.

[crowleys-bentley-and-plants]

Damaged

I dont think this is so much a poem as me just smashing words together to cope. im just trying to make sense of things. this is years and years of pieces of myself and of Crowley spilled over the screen. i might have taken it too far i mightve choked on the things i wanted to say but well it's done now so yeah. please proceed with caution this poem deals with self loathing and the such

-

How can you see beauty

In a broken thing like me?

For I am tainted, stained by sin

How can you love a crippled soul

That’s marked by scars too deep to hide?

Scorched and carved up and then spit out

By the place I once called my own

Forced to grow fangs and claws

To shield myself from the torment of my past

But now, I brush my hands against yours

And I leave a trail of scarlet upon your flesh

I've become the beast I feared

Struggling to recognize the reflection in the mirror

As it distorts 

Into a monstrous mask

Yet you hold me with gentle hands

As spiders spill from my eye sockets 

Falling on the ground that grows webs in their wake

Securing me in place

To ensure that I cannot escape

Myself

Yet you remain steadfast by my side

As my sharp branches that I call limbs

Ensnare your figure and pierce your sacred skin

I see the pain etched upon your face

And I curse myself for it

For this is how I love—

With claws that cut and fangs that maul

And no one should endure the love I give

For is it love, if it destroys

You?

Yet still, you stay,

A martyr, a sacrifice,

A holy fool

You see value where there is none

I am but a stain upon your purity

A blemish on your perfection

A poison coursing through your veins

A parasite feeding on your kindness

Venom oozes out of my wounds

Burying you alongside the echo of my being

I am a plague, spreading with every breath I take

The ruptured creature within

Will not stop until you collapse into my useless arms

Until we become one

And I would rue the day I first drew breath

The day She sculpted me out of fire

And left me there to burn

The day she imprisoned me in this vessel

Cursed me to crawl on broken legs

She never loved me—

How could She love a creation designed to falter?

Yet you do 

Despite my flaws?

So teach me, angel, if you dare

Show me that I’m not beyond repair

For I’m still damaged, in need of mending

How can I not be? Look at me

How can you love this misshapen thing I am

With jagged edges, dented thorns?

My mouth so rough, my wings all faulty

My eyes unable to perceive the light

My body, nothing but shards of broken glass

And my heart, a barren wasteland

My tongue slit, but what’s one more tear,

On my already fractured frame?

How can you love me

When I have forgotten

How to love myself?

-

ive never been more scared to post something. im gonna disappear from the face of the earth for a bit now

read it also on ao3:

hey my absolute favourite people of this site i hope you dont mind @crowleys-hips @bearthewhipsandscornsoftime @fearandhatred @ghostsparrow @eybefioro @seven-stars-in-his-palm @ficreader500 @crowleys-curl @crowleybrekkers @notagoodlad @lickthecowhappy @di-42 @goodoldfashionednightingale @spookyllamatree @wanderer-main @ineffabildaddy

[bugsb1te]

I like to read fanfiction of myself. Reading fanfiction of myself and Erik makes me happy, it makes me feel soft, warm, relaxed and feel as if I don't have to worry about how our relationship really is. The way we are always going to be trapped in the cycle of hurting each other, and it never matters if it was intentional or not, it still happens. An endless loop of being unable to admit when I'm wrong, my heartstrings being tugged at every time Erik leaves, and even though he always comes back it hurts me every time. It's as if he never learns that leaving me cold and alone has an effect on me. Reading fanfiction reminds me that in my memories of the X-Men films, his heart aches too, and that we were connected from the moment we met. That when he leaves, he feels the thread that is tied to our hearts become thin, only a few fibers twisting together to create a delicate bond that is so easily broken again and again. And even when we grow old, we are still just out of reach from each other, our arms outstretched, fingers brushing against the other's. So many years that I could never have with him, so many years where he loved someone else, and even if I liked a woman she was never him. Nobody was ever Erik. But how could I want him when he constantly betrays mankind, betrays me. But I felt his mind, I have touched every corner of it, and yet I still can never know why he always chooses violence and isolation over the warmth of my heart. Reading fanfiction fills the hole that he left, and feeds into my dream of me and Erik ever being together. When in reality, I am not really Charles, and he is merely fiction. And even when I have a friend who is Erik, it's not the same.

So I write and read stories.

[teecupangel]

Catboy nonny here with the weirdest idea yet. So Desmond for some reason doesn’t activate the Eye (his choice or some intervention, doesn’t really matter) and the world burns. World is an apocalyptic wasteland. AND for some fuckin reason, Des is now a catboy.

Now here’s the fun part. The survivors are obviously gonna go coocoo for coco puffs because I said so, and a group of them start worshipping Desmond and using surviving anime and comics as proof of his divinity. MODERN APOCALYPSE CULT FOR CATBOY DESMOND!

Where is his team during this? Unclear, but Bill’s dead because fuck Bill.

Desmond has no idea why it turned out like this.

After being knocked out by some kind of blast that appeared from Minerva’s hologram before he could touch the device, he woke up to the feeling of flickering cat ears and swaying cat tail.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, he couldn’t make any other noise other than cat noises.

His phone was also cracked beyond repair and, considering how much his ass hurt, it might have been his fault.

Wait, he didn’t planned to get toppled by Minerva’s mind blast or whatever.

It wasn’t his fault!

Anyway, with no other ways to communicate with his team, he put his hood up to hide his cat ears and hid his cat tail by making it curl around his waist so his hood could cover it.

It wasn’t exactly comfortable (especially since he had to puncture a hole on his jeans for his newly acquired tail) but it would have to do.

It was more important for him to find his team.

.

The world burned and it changed the entire world.

Some changes were immediate.

All electronic devices died…

The death of so many people who were unable to stay in a building fortified enough to protect them from a force of nature they don’t even know about.

But the worst was yet to come.

The Solar Flare did more than destroy what it touched.

It changed the world itself.

The soil itself lost many of its nutrient, making it harder to grow plants necessary to survive.

Animals were not spared from its flames and their population dwindled into frightening numbers.

And the humans…

It is during these kinds of tragedy that humans show both the worst and best of them.

Humans formed different groups and tackled this new world in different ways.

And the weak groups…

They usually fell because it was the strong groups who managed to horde resources, leaving little for the weak to fight over.

It was during one of these ‘skirmishes’ that Desmond found his first followers.

Calling it skirmishes wasn’t exactly correct.

A group of humans enjoying the carnage and lawlessness of these lands were hunting down a small group of young adults who were just trying to find enough food to make it to the day.

Their first mistake was checking a convenient store, a hotspot for every other groups in the area.

They would have fared better had they broken into empty houses and looked for canned food instead.

Desmond took care of the ‘hunters’ easily. They weren’t professionals and stood no change against Desmond.

Still…

It brought a bad taste in his mouth how these people used to live normal lives before everything happened.

The people he saved tried to thank him but then…

They saw his cat ears.

And one of them shouted…

“WE FOUND OUR PROTAGONIST!!!”

.

Desmond’s luck smacked him right on the face.

The people he just saved?

They were part of an Anime club in junior high (to be more specific “Japanese Culture Appreciation Club”) and they all shared a delusion that this is now that set of an anime and they all have to find the protagonist to survive.

Desmond being a badass with cat ears and a silent type (not by choice!) became their protagonist.

When Desmond tried to explain that, no, he was not a government experiment that escaped or he wasn’t isekai’ed and that he used to be a normal human, they just believed that Desmond has ‘awaken’ his powers after the Solar Flare.

No matter what he says, the group follows him around and treat him as the ‘protagonist’ which is, really, just a word they use to deny any allegation of ‘worshiping’ going on.

Desmond can’t leave them behind because they’re kids, for fuck’s sake. They weren’t harming anyone (other than Desmond’s self esteem and pride) so…

Uuuhhh… Desmond is now in charge of young adults who believe him to be the protagonist.

… and it will grow to include other people.

… later on.

[theoceanoasis]

Tw hot rod going through post spark depression.

He laid in bed shivering. Blankets wrapped around him as he stared at the wall. He was so tired all he wanted was to sleep.

His sparkling began crying and he looked over watching him for a long moment. Feeling like a horrible carrier he forced himself up. Crying because his sparkling was barely three months old and he was doing a terrible job.

His sparkling was going to grow up to hate him because he was such a bad carrier.

He picked up his little one and opened his chest letting him feed. Looking down he noticed his paint was dull and chipped nothing like how he usually took care of it. Soundwave probably found him unattractive.

It was bad enough his body had changed so much making him look bigger and uglier.

He sat down his legs begining to shake. He was so pathetic still struggling after giving emergence. Anyone else would have been healed by now.

He curled himself around his sparkling more tears falling when he heard the door open.

"Are you okay?"

"What are you doing here? Don't you have work?"

He hated how accusatory it sounded.

"It's over."

He looked at him in surprise and then looked out the window to see an entire day went by and he did nothing but stay in bed.

"I'm a horrible carrier"

"No you're not. You are anything but."

"I'm a failure."

He cried and Soundwave held him. Trying to convince him otherwise.

"I'm a burden and both of you would be better without me. You can find someone who isn't ugly like me and can be a good carrier for our sparkling. Someone who's not broken and unable to bounce back like everyone else."

He choked out between tears and Soundwave gave him a horrified look as he held him.

"I'm not going to leave you. I love you so much."

"But... All I do is lay in bed and cry. I can barely take care of our sparkling and when you come home from work. You're having to do everything at home as well. It's not fair to you. I can't even interface to at least make it up to you."

"Hot Rod no. I'll always take care of you. We promised each other that we'd always be there for each other. I don't mind taking care of you. I know you are struggling right now. Giving emergence could not have been easy and I was so worried I'd lose you. I can't even imagine how you feel."

He kissed his forehead trying to show Hot Rod how much he loved him.

"You just gave emergence not even three months ago. You shouldn't be interfacing, Ratchets orders."

"Aren't you suffering?"

"I have you and I have our little one that's all I need right now. I want you to get better and I think we should see a therapist to help us adjust with being new parents."

His Conjunx nodded looking exhausted.

"Let me put him to bed."

He took their sleeping sparkling and placed him in his crib. He then went back to Hot Rod and helped him lay down. Wrapping his arms around him the two fell asleep snuggled together.

[inaconstantstateofchange]

i have never known a silence (like the one fallen here)

Summary: An Isami POV of the events of Episodes 1 & 2, exploring the impact of his experiences, and the stark disconnect between Bravern's perception of their genre and Isami's lived reality.

WC: 1000

A/N: No spoilers for later episodes — full fic under the cut for canon-typical depictions of violence.

“You know you’re only making this worse on yourself, right?” The man’s face swam back into view, jovial, sickening. “Damn, you’re a stubborn one.”

He shook his head, leaving afterimages flowing behind it disorientingly. “Ah, well, I get paid by the hour, you know.” A wink, tossed at Isami as much as the man’s fellows.

Isami stared at him blankly, tears running from his eyes and mingling with the snot dripping from his burning nose and the bile flooding his throat. He’d… he’d told the man everything he knew, given him answers to every question. So, why? Why were they still doing this to him?!

His lips parted, rounding with the barest puff of precious air behind them, his vocal chords frozen and unable to serve in the final advance. The man leaned in for a moment, then straightened up again, his eyes curving into a congenial smile. “Ah, see, that was almost something! Just a bit more encouragement oughta do the trick.”

Isami shook his head weakly, trying to focus on filling his lungs through the heaving, desperate gasps. In the end, it proved as futile as every other attempt. The water would force its way relentlessly in, and in, and in, and he would still have nothing to give, nothing to make it stop.

As he sank beneath the surface, a green, grinning face gleamed down at him, callously observing his descent.

—

“... Isami! Isami!”

Isami’s eyes pulled blearily open, refusing to focus for a long moment. Who…?

The blurry figure before him resolved into that American – Smith – and Isami’s heart leapt. He nodded fervently along to whatever the man was saying. He couldn’t hear it properly, but he could grasp enough. Smith was here for him, for Isami. Maybe Isami had finally managed to say the right thing? Maybe he had borne it for long enough to prove he was telling the truth. His mind shied away from the thought of just how long he might have been down here, in this windowless, concrete room.

No matter. No matter. Smith was here for him.

—

The elation lasted for as long as it took Smith to manhandle him into the humvee, and the sounds of doomed combat to mingle with the echoes ringing around Isami’s mind.

Cold waves of sick terror washed over him as he caught sight of the recognizable red and white figure before him, striking a foreboding silhouette against the sky.

They… They wanted him back in that thing?

He scrambled out of the humvee well before Smith had even brought it to a stop, a keening moan scraping its way out from his throat. He tried to make it around the paltry bulwark of the vehicle’s back, but his legs gave out from under him before he had managed more than a few steps. He stared straight ahead, eyes vacant and unseeing, as Smith made some sort of proposal to the thing. Its scraping voice rose in a resonant rejoinder — and then flattened, abrupt. Isami shivered, the sound summoning the sense-memory of metal shearing away from him like paper.

The creature turned back to him, then, the weight of its regard settling upon him like so much stone and rubble. He would be rendered blood and broken bone beneath it soon enough.

Its metal hand swung forward toward him, outstretched, as its voice rang out in booming entreaty. He reacted on reflex, mind dull and sluggish, lifting his own hand to push it away from him, as though his effort could be anything but laughable against its devastating might.

As soon as the skin of his hand touched the unnaturally warm and utterly alien metal, he was back there — and backing away from the burning wreckage of Rio’s TS, her struggles growing weaker as virulent pink subsumed the field and filled their vision.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

“Snap out of it!” He heard to his side, a rustle of starched cloth heralding Smith’s movement. Isami scrabbled back further, away from the both of them, his arms raised above his head in paltry defense. His breath came in heaving gasps, and the clear flow of air – not water this time, not water, not water – did nothing to assuage the tide pulling him under.

He’d been drowning since that first battlefield. The interrogator had merely formalized it.

The – robot – stared down at him for a long moment, the sunlight gleaming menacingly off of its brilliant exterior. Isami was reminded of a quiz the cadets had taken together, to get their minds off of training one day in the mess hall. “Ahhhh, Isami, it says you’re a fox! How cool!” He’d brushed it off then, but perhaps there was something to it, after all. He understood, now, why an animal would bite through its own limbs to escape imprisonment. He’d do more than that to keep himself free of that thing.

In the end, however, foreknowledge and determination proved insufficient to escape the trap a second time. Isami found himself in the same place that this nightmare had crystallized, suspended within an alien chamber, his limbs moving without conscious command, and words he did not know springing to his lips. With flashes of slaughter and devastation at his heels, he withdrew into himself, leaving the fight around him behind. Clearly, his body could manage well enough on its own.

Something pulled taut behind him as he delved — stretched first tenderly, then achingly, and then agonizingly. He did not relent. Anywhere – nowhere – would be better than here, and he pursued oblivion with the determined focus he had made himself known for in every training exercise. At last, at last, he passed some blissful threshold, and the tenuous connection to the world beyond frayed to barest thread, easily ignored.

If that creature wanted his body so badly, Isami supposed it was welcome to it. His mind, however, he would keep right here, for as long as he could manage it.

Forever had a certain ring to it.

[theseshipsshallsail]

Summary:

Every great performer must master their composure, or so his middle school piano tutor used to say, but Elio’s stoicism falls by the wayside as he weeps openly for the man who’s more himself than he is.

According to his bleary vision, it’s 2:47 a.m when Elio jerks awake with a stifled gasp. A nebulous sense of dread looms cold and foreboding despite the muggy air of his grandfather’s former bedroom, and the phantom train whistle resounding in his ears soon grows smothered by the dull throb coalescing at his temple; it’s lub-dub thrum so thunderous it sounds like someone’s banging furiously on the bathroom’s adjoining door.

“Stai bene,” he whispers, voice cracking egregiously from the strain. “You’re fine. È finita. Just breathe…”

It’s a clichéd reassurance he’d once implored of Oliver: thumbs tracing idle patterns atop the thin blue veins at his wrists as he coaxed him to follow his lead. But Oliver isn’t here to return the favour, is he? And it’s only through sheer force of will that Elio masters the protests of his churning stomach; the galloping heart threatening to burst beneath his too-tight ribs. 

A gross overreaction, he tells himself, yet the vestiges of his dream refuse to abate, and his thoughts flash like the myriad slides on his father’s projector; unable to pick a solitary focus point amidst that which was so callously ripped from him on the crowded platform of Roma Termini.

Restless limbs urge him to run - though Elio knows not where - and kicking free of the tangled sheets he swings his legs sideways, scrubbing both hands along his scratchy jaw. Decidedly nauseous, he laces them behind his head to tug his tangled curls, and the groan he lets loose is born of pure frustration when the change in position puts added pressure on his overfull bladder. 

The Moreshi’s greyhound yaps twice from the adjacent villa.

Desiccated rye grass sings its wispy song.  

A susurrus of waves lap the rugged cliffs.

Elio’s lungs pinch tight - a lingering consequence of their stilted, post-dinner phone call - but swallowing hard, he forces himself to stand, stubbing a toe on his discarded amaretto bottle in the process. Again, something in his chest seizes - like he’s afraid to his very core - and the resultant rattle sounds suitably apocalyptic as it skitters across the wooden floorboards.

Judge, jury, and liquid executioner.

The artificial high that patched his gaping wound has fled, superseded by the tell-tale lump in Elio’s throat as he stares after it. His father’s words from earlier - you’re too smart not to know how rare, how special, what you two had was - are no less profound as moonlight glints off the slowly spinning glass, and his grainy eyes burn anew; the slick layer of sweat between his t-shirt and torso feeling damn near suffocating.

Because he was correct. His father, that is. This thing he and Oliver share has everything and nothing to do with intelligence. Which is why he’s unable to reconcile the pragmatic necessities of their separation when for Elio what it all boils down to is this.

He loves him.

Body, mind, and soul.

So it’s little wonder, then, that his broken heart doesn’t give a fuck for the bigger picture.

That Oliver has a doctorate to complete. 

A family who miss him. 

A promising career and countless responsibilities he can’t just shirk on a whim. 

Not for some spoiled rich kid unaccustomed to the wider world.

“Basta con questo,” Elio admonishes, and gritting his teeth, shuffles to the en-suite to take care of business; tremulous bottom lip flattening in distaste at the sunken, washed-out features reflected in his vanity mirror. 

There’s a half-smoked pack of Gauloises on the shelf - crumpled from his jean-shorts pocket where Oliver’d slid them prior to leaving their hotel room - and snatching up the second-hand cigarettes he goes in search of his lighter, rifling through his backpack’s inner workings then stalking through the french windows to the balcony outside; instinctively scanning the various ghost spots Oliver’s made his own.

One flick. 

Another.

An aborted third.

He’s shaking too much to spark the tip, and tossing the cardboard carton onto the wrought iron table he stares at the blinking stars instead; unable to keep from wondering if Oliver’s doing the exact same thing.

Sitting shiva for Elio like Elio’s currently mourning for him.

Just last night, they’d stumbled from an open-mic poetry session straight into a back-alley disco - debated Dostoyevsky in the shadows of the Trevi Fountain - and as a barn owl screeches eerily over the ever-present cicadas, there’s no stopping a traitorous tear at the mere thought of Oliver’s path already diverging from his. 

A sudden gust of wind ruffles the trailing geraniums within their hanging baskets, causing Elio to shiver as he scrubs his cheek with his palm. The thin material of his boxers provides scant protection now his booze jacket has worn off, and ducking inside he searches his teetering piles of clothing for a clean pair of pants, only to stop short when his gaze is drawn irrevocably to the armoire’s open door.

To Billowy; half-hidden amongst his winter coats and a gaudy three-piece suit Isaac and Mounir brought with them last spring.

He’d hung it up as a precaution - terrified Mafalda might toss it in with tomorrow’s laundry - and teetering on the cusp, Elio dares to reach out; barely containing a sob as the light blue cotton grazes his reverent fingertips. 

Wild horses couldn’t stop him from unhooking the gifted garment, but the irrational fear it’ll vanish into the ether soon turns his legs to jelly. Somewhat absurdly, the physical evidence is far from enough, and seeking Oliver’s treasured scent he scrunches the fabric around his nose, only to discover it’s essentially been replaced with his own.

But not entirely, he realises.

The faded section at the unbuttoned cuffs? The slightly discoloured patch inside the collar? They still smell of him - an elusive fragment of spicy cologne and Roger and Gallet shampoo - and Elio breathes in deeply as he stumbles backwards, his ramshackle defences crumbling brick-by-brick even as he sinks blindly to the foot of his too-small, too-empty bed.

Every great performer must master their composure, or so his middle school piano tutor used to say, but Elio’s stoicism falls by the wayside as he weeps openly for the man who’s more himself than he is. For the blankness of Oliver’s expression when the regionale pulled into the station. For being so utterly devastated his vocal cords felt crushed in a vice, leaving him too exposed - too vulnerable - to say a proper goodbye. 

For having to say any form of goodbye at all.

He’s not sorry for a single moment they spent together; their initial games of cat-and-mouse notwithstanding. It was an honour. A privilege. But there’s no finality in uncertainty, either, and slipping his arms into the damp, splotchy sleeves Elio hugs his hollow midriff before rolling onto his side. Wishing with all his might that this futile attempt at self-comfort be sufficient to fool his active imagination.

That his first love - his forever love - was tucked in close beside him.

That he was sleeping soundly, wrapped up safe in Oliver’s embrace, not lying - bruised and abandoned - sullied by the ashes of impossible dreams.

[ezzydantes]

As It Was

Summary: Its been three years to the day you'd rather not talk about (Ace dying in the War of the Best). The Strawhats know to leave you and Luffy be...

Triggers: Death and very dark thoughts

Three years.... it had been three years since you lost the love of your life. The life you had dreamed of with Ace.... was gone the moment he stood between Akainu and you and Luffy.

Flasback

"Ace..." both you and Luffy had said in unison. It caused the dying man to chuckle a bit.

"Always in tune... honestly thought y/n would end up with you, Luffy", Fire Fist struggled.

"Baby quit talking... you're weak right now...", you began but he interrupted you.

"I don't have much time... alot of my organs are gone so this is sheer will... and I can't talk very loud... so listen closely"

He had fallen between you and pulled you both tight into him. "Tell the others... Pops.... my family... our son... and even Dadan... funny how I miss her in this moment... tell them thank you... Luffy, y/n thank you... for loving some one who didn't deserve to live..."

"BABY... you're scaring me. ... it's you... you made a promise to me and Luffy that day.... remember?" You sobbed as you held his side closest to you with every fiber within you. He couldn't die... it was Ace....

"My biggest regret is never seeing Bo grow up or us grow old together y/n.... or seeing Luffy be King of the Pirates.... promise me y/n... you... you... help our baby brother... ", Ace's voice was getting weaker, "And Luffy.... take care of our family.... no matter the cost... thank you both for loving a wretch like me... it was the greatest feeling in the world... having you both... by... my... siiiide.... "

And with that Ace fell slumped inbetween your bodies.... you both called out to him but you felt the loss deep within your soul... he was gone. You couldn't feel his presence anymore.... and at that point your mind fell into a dark cloud. Your body felt like 1000 lbs and you couldn't move.... you couldn't even console Luffy if you wanted to.... your vision began to black out until you realized Jinbe was taking a hit to protect you and Luffy... adrenaline kicked in then as you snatched Luffy into your embrace and ran to the former warlord.

"Jinbe... PLEASE HELP US!" You cried out. And after that all went black....

End of Flasback

Your eyes tore open to the sound of Luffy desperately calling out to you as he shook you.

"Y/N!!" His broken voice shouted. You looked around to see the rest of the crew around you. Your son crying as he was held against Zoro's chest with the green haired swordsman staring at you in concern... fear in his eyes... it was natural. He was your lover now after all and treated Bo (your son by Ace) as his own.

"Y/n... ", Luffy called in between tears... "Don't leave me alone..."

"I'm here... Baby Brother...", you smiled while trying to ignore the tears still coming down your face. You started to wipe them away when little chubby hands did instead.

"Mommy!" Bo cried as he crawled into your lap. The same little arms that always brought you comfort seemed to bring you unimaginable pain. He would never know his wonderful father, Ace.. but he had an awesome team of uncles to include Luffy, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Frankie and Brooke... ans the only other man who knew your soul besides Ace.... Zoro. You embraced your son and cuddled him. He was your ground zero in that moment. The Starwhat including your lover knew you needed your son and your younger brother.

"Guys we need some space", Luffy suggested as he wrapped his arms around you and his nephew. They accepted it all except Zoro who stated he would be only a few feet away. He had dealt with you and Luffy before when either one had a moment like this... so he sat in the corner. Watching as Luffy engulfed you and Bo both reassuring you he would never leave you... you cried as hard as you possibly could... unable to move from where you had planted yourself. Luffy picked you and Bo up with ease and asked to stay in the "special room"... one Frankie had built for such occasions.. knowing his crewmates might need a moment to themselves. Zoro immediately stepped forward and pledged to watch the door. You were too tired to acknowledge your lover's loyalty to you and your small group of your pirate family.... but your smile was enough to convince him and Luffy. The Captain carried you to the small room that held a bed and he sat Bo down first.

"I wanna hold you both, Sis..." he admitted as tears came down his face.

"Lay down with Bo between us... yeah?" You looked to your son. The child with his wild hair and freckles ... spitting image of Ace smiled. He gently pulled the two of you into the bed and nestled in. His face towards yours and his hand encircling Luffy's. "Love you Mommy.... Uncle Lu.... ", he whispered pulling Luffys hand around him.

You looked at Luffy who returned your grief stricken face. The two of you wrapped your arms around each other holding Bo between you. Luffy made his promise again.... "I will not die until you two can be free.... "

"Thank you.... Baby Brother....", you cooed as you gently embraced your partial little family.

"By the way... Chopper accidentally told me about baby Zoro....", Luffy teased as he nestled you and Bo to his chest.

"Shuddup" you muttered as you try to pull away. He quickly grabbed the back of your neck and demanded you look at him.

"You know Ace loved you sooo much he'd want you to move on.... let them have their battle over you in the Beyond...", your little brother chuckled as he pulled you close again. "Let me have you and Bo and baby Zoro now..."

You couldn't help but blush as you held your Captain close... making sure not to smother the next generation. "I love you... Idiot..."

You could feel him giggle... your favorite sound in the world besides Ace berating him or Zoro yelling about how hes an idiot but a good Capt ultimately... these boys had stole a special place in your heart... FOREVER... somehow as it was and how it should be....

[crimsonlyinglilly]

No. 14: “Feed me poison, fill me ‘till I drown.”

Flare | Water Inhalation | “Just hold on.”

More of stolen three, the end goal Elijah's plans come together.

Hints of Elijah/Jackson, i’m not a fan of love triangles and in the age old quote, Hayley has two hands, as do Elijah and Jackson.

-----

Modern day.

Elijah has worked for years for this, yet somehow when it happens he’s still surprised. He can feel the bindings now free from Freya and Finn adding to his own, and can feel the echoes of Dahlia’s and Esther’s magic twisting together as it attacks itself.

But there Dahlia laid, her mind trapped in the hollow of their power unable to hurt anyone until she died. He couldn’t stare too much he still had one thing to do before he’d end up being pulled in with her.

Dahlia could die with the person who she loved most, Esther could die for her children to make up for the damage she had done to them. It would take a few days for the magic to truly destroy itself, their line was powerful and had had centuries to grow stronger.

He just had to break the curse and free the wolves and then he’d be done.

“Just hold on.” he told the child, his niece, “it’ll all be over soon.” 

“What have you done?” the Hybrid asked from where he had been about to tie himself to Dahlia, a terrible choice, Elijah would know.

“Dealt with her, the moment she attempted to bind another I made sure she was linked to another witch.”

“Who?”

“Our mother, brother.” It was odd referring to someone other than Finn as brother, well it wasn’t something he’s had to get used to. “I’ve changed the ritual, their magic’s going to waste away attacking each other. Even if they make up, they don’t have control anymore, " he chuckled, “it’s strange to have all the control.”

It’s not hard to follow Dahlia magic back to the curse she had cast so recently and using all three of their magics undo it, Elijah alone he would have failed, but he wasn’t he could almost understand Dahlia’s want for a coven but after all the cruelties she has put upon them, had long crushed any sympathy.

“What about Freya and Finn?” Klaus calls him back before he could let the sudden exhaustion take him, the bindings pull was growing.

“I knew how to break their binding years ago.” he answered with a wave that was more of an attempt to steady himself than a flourish, “it’s just they would never have allowed it.”

“Why not?” Klaus was frowning, glaring almost, which Elijah found rude, here he was saving Hope, freeing his family of both their mother and aunt, and Klaus was looking at him the way he thinks Freya and Finn would, anger and disapproval. 

“Because breaking theirs rebounds onto me, and they promised to never leave anyone behind.” he explains and suddenly he understands, Klaus was raised by a witch he understood what it meant.

“You didn’t?” a female voice asked and Elijah blinked, Hayley was standing in front of Hope, he didn’t have long left if the pull was causing him to lose time.

“Oh I did but I'm not leaving anyone behind, I'm staying behind and letting them go.” he barely managed to get the words out before he stumbled, losing his battle against gravity. And was caught by a solid arm, Elijah starred as Jackson came into focus in burning vision bringing with him the pointless painful regret he had since Elijah had started to let himself feel, to want.

His relationship with Jackson, the one he could have had with Hayley. A future to know his niece and siblings, getting to see Finn allowing himself to love his vampire, getting to see Freya heal.

It had to be this way they would understand, it was to save Hope from his life, a life on knowing Dahlia’s broken love.

Freya and Finn would be free, he broke their rule, broke the promise they made before Elijah had truly understood their life, but they would have time to move on.

He’d make sure by taking both their nightmares with him, the one that gave them away and the one that made their lives hell.

“It seems my times up,” he tried to blink the growing dimness away but it stayed “Thank you Jackson it was real, and tell Frey and Finn I’m sorry but I made a choic-“ 

The darkness swallowed him and Elijah breathed in the magic pulling him down like water drowning him. 

—--

He had said it with almost childlike awe, a difference from Eli’s calm controlled confidence Jackson had first met, there again he had also seen Elijah’s fear when he arrived to revive Aiden, when he had relived himself as the missing Mikaelson the fact the entire pack could smell his terror at idea defying Dahlia.

‘It was real’ like he hadn’t believed it himself, Jackson was so stuck by it that he almost missed when Elijah dropped. 

It was werewolf reflexes that allowed him to catch the witch before he completed his fall to the floor, he had no doubt Eli would frown at the mess it would make of his suit.

“Is he okay?” Hayley asked, Hope was safe in her arms and the witch that had caused all the problems seemed to be in a similar state to Eli on the floor. 

“Asleep.“ 

“Get him in the truck.“ Normally he wouldn’t have accepted the order but there was an urgency in Klaus’s words.

“What? Why?”

“We need to see if Freya, Finn and Davina can undo this.“

“Why? Can’t we wait until their magics gone and he’ll wake up?” 

“No, he’s the anchor to the spell but he’s bound to both of them, there magic goes, they die they’ll take Elijah with them. And as much as I want Dahlia dead I’m not giving her my brother as a consolation prize.”

—-

When he opens his eyes he finds himself on a hill, watching as Dahlia and Esther embrace, and it’s seeing the peace on Dahlia face that makes him want to snarl to rip them apart because how dare they make up, when Freya heart will always have a hole in, when Finn chokes on apologies at the sight of his own blood, when Elijah can’t-

He stops his train of thoughts with a deep breath and interrupts them with a call, smiling at him.

“Mother, Aunt Dahlia, we’re all here to die.” it’s a relief to finally say the words, he chuckles.

“Elijah it was you.”

“I’m putting my hopes in you mother,” he addresses Esther, and crushes the urge he always has at Dahlia’s anger to fix it and soothe her anger. “going against Freya’s belief that you care nothing for your children.

“Elijah, you betrayed me.”

“Aunt Dahlia, I have loved three people throughout my life. I have long known that the only way two of them would be safe and happy would be the removal of you”.

“You chose them over me.” she snarls back and suddenly is easy to ignore the little boy that just wanted her to smile, the foolish child that once thought he could help her, the anger he had been biting back for decades consumes him.

“Don’t take that tone, Dahlia.” he snaps, it’s a delight to see her taken aback by the same words she had used against Finn and Freya so often, “You’re the same, nothing we could have ever done would place us before her in your heart.” he’s attempt to swallows back the true rage in his tone fails, he had stopped expecting anything more since he was fourteen, yet somehow the pain remained. “So I gave you what you wanted, you can die with the one you loved the most, Freya and Finn can be free to live as they want.”

“And you?” it’s his mother who asks, he’s almost amused that it’s not Freya she reminds him of but Finn. He is however confused by the concern he sees, she had him for barely a year, she had Freya and Finn for five each, raised the others their whole lives, can’t she just be relieved her actual children are safe.

“I can stop.” The admission tires him, years of plotting countless young honest souls used and thrown away. Jackson’s look of concern when he found the scars, the way he had looked as he dragged Elijah around the bayou,there was nothing to gain there yet Elijah had followed, Haley’s kindness even after she learned who he was, he had wanted, it had almost made him find another way, but it was too late for that.

“Stop?” Dahlia's eyes are sharp and he wonders what she wants, is she looking for something to use to change his mind or simply to hurt, it doesn’t matter anymore so he confesses the truth.

“Stop being torn between my love for you while you tear us apart to soothe your own hurts. Stop questioning what is me and what is what you made, what I made of myself to please you.”

The truth of why he chose to die instead of taking a chance, he doesn’t know what he is without her and he’s too scared to find out. A coward, oh Mikael would be ashamed, wouldn’t he? From what he heard from Klaus during the few weeks they knew each other he was sure but the four days he had learnt from the man he’s not sure, that man had missed his children, had wanted Elijah back even while he stood at Dahlia’s side.

He walks away from them, footsteps changing from one step to the other as grass changes to polished wood, a piano appearing in the space, he looks back at them as he sits on the bench.

His mother and aunt, surrounded by green grass and flowers looking far younger, innocent to them, from a time before they had the chance to ruin lives.

“Just hold on,” he repeats the only words he would ever say to his niece “it’ll all be over soon.” His fingers find the keys without looking, he’s amused to feel them bare, free of his gloves and showing the various scars he had gathered, he offers them his best smile and starts to play.

Time moves faster here, two days in the real world would be just hours here. He’ll enjoy his last hours making something.

—

Dahlia watches him, even as she has the closeness she had longed for, even as she has her sister back, watching him play his music alone as they wait to die.

She had accepted death, as long as she had Esther she could accept it was a long past their time, but there was something she couldn’t accept so easily.

Elijah, her bright, brilliant boy, the one she should have known would have been the threat, with his patience and calm mind, the way he was methodical in all his tasks. They were all her children, she had raised them, but it was Elijah that took after her most, in more than their similar looks.

She suddenly understands why people want children, not to increase their power but to leave something behind, to watch something grow and then outgrow them. And Elijah had done that.

She didn’t want him to die, she wanted to leave him behind.

Dahlia wanted Elijah to thrive after she died, yet here he stayed, an anchor to his spell, bound to them by her ritual, doomed to follow them because of it.

Because Dahlia had fed the boy poisoned affection, now it was going to kill him.

Because she had made him and he refused to live without her.

It was perfect, it was what she wanted but now it was ash in her mouth.

“Sister!” Esther whispered, she knew her sister had likewise had been watching him, she didn’t need to whisper Elijah wouldn’t hear them over the music but still it brought back memories of staying up late and whispering so as not to wake their parents. “We can’t let him do this.”

“Do you have any idea how to stop this? Our magics are entwined, the only one here with any power is he and if Elijah could be convinced to stop this he wouldn’t be here. This has been long planned for. We will die and my binding on Elijah will ensure he follows.” it almost hurt to say aloud

“Release him.” Esther almost begs but her sister is smart enough to know if it was that easy she would have done so to begin with. 

“I can’t break the binding without my magic.” she replies barely keeping her irritation under control.

“Unless we place our magic within him, use the binding as a-” Esther's answer is sudden, for a moment it gives her hope.

“Conduit.”it was almost like when they were children, first learning magic always there to give each other a boost, “But there's still a risk that much power already in conflict will kill him, even if we only have a little left, Elijah has always-”

“I trust his siblings, but this is our only chance.” Esther’s looking at her with the same eyes she used to when she wanted Dahlia to sneak away from her chores.  “For our boy.”

“Together.” She took his sister’s hand.

—-

Elijah didn’t notice as something changed until water swallowed the keys under his figures and the shock caused him to lose hold of the piano’s shape, the water climbed up him with speed after that, that he only had time to turn and see them, before it reached his chin

Dahlia and Esther were still looking as young as they had before, their hands still linked but both were looking at him with an intent that he hadn’t planned for he could see their mouths moving but the water was growing louder that he had no hope of hearing them.

Shit, this wasn’t to plan ,what were they doing? Had Freya been right and Esther cared for her own life more. He could tell the water was a representation of their magic but all this was doing was killing them faster, he could already see them fading.

“What ar-” he choked as he inhaled the water, his chest grew tight and before he could question how he was drowning, he discovered what they were doing as he felt sharp sparks erupt within his chest, they were pouring their magic into him, thankfully blackness swallowed him, so he would miss the feeling of the foreign magic burning throughout him and likely tearing him apart.

—-

He woke up to a starving hunger and a glass shoved into his hands. He sat up and downed the glass without hesitation before he looked up at the crowd of people.

“Wha-” before he could finish his question, Freya and Finn nearly flattened him.

“Never do that again!” Finn’s hands were heavy on his shoulders.

“What were you thinking!” Freya nails dug into his arm.

“We made a promise!”

“And yes you left us, you left us behind here.”

“We’re never letting you out of our sight!” he was pulled into Finn’s chest and Freya joined the hug to flatten him between them.

“How could you!” Freya seemed to run out of words at least, one on her hands had moved to ran through his hair.

“I’m sorry, I've been waiting for years, when she came after Hope it was the best opportunity.” he told them, pushing back to look them both in the eye.

“You didn’t tell us.” 

“She might have found out, besides she’s always easier on me, if i was found out it wouldn’t have been as bad.” he explained.

“Sorry to cut this short but he’ll likely want more blood so how about we take this elsewhere.”

“Blood?” he asked, suddenly realising the taste in his mouth was metallic, Blood , he looked at the floor to find ritual marks.

“Kol had researched the original spell to make them.” Finn told him as he and Freya stepped back.

“And big brother Finn is excellent at developing shortcuts in spells.” Kol added a smirk spread across his face, “you're not quite an original but you’re a hella more than a normal vampire.”

“It took all their blood to get past Dahlia’s spell.”

He pulled himself up stumbling slightly only to be steadied by another hand, he followed it back to find Jackson, this was becoming a habit he thought, but couldn’t get the words past his throat to make a comment on it

All his words dried up as he stared, he hadn’t known Jackson was involved with the Mikaelson when he first met him, but after he found out he hadn’t stopped even when Dahlia had used his body, he had let himself become selfish with the belief he wouldn’t have to live with the consequences.

“We’re going to have a long chat after this.” Jackson told him quietly, before letting go and Elijah couldn’t crush the spark of hope that flared. 

“Really?” he couldn’t stop the word escaping him because he’d understand if Jackson wanted nothing to do with him

“You walked into a pack of pissed wolves and brought Aiden back despite the fact that we all could smell how terrified you were of his murderer.”

“You're going to explain why our dear aunt placed a spell on you to stop you from being turned.” Klaus called to him as he finally joined them in a kitchen.

“I think you would know the answer to that.” After all, she hadn’t done it until after Elijah had told her of the strange vampire that he had made a friendship, over creating beauty and also enjoying violence, during the year he was awake in the 16th century.

It would seem Freya’s spell to draw them back to their family had worked since he had met their father and at least two of their brothers during his brief freedoms.

“Ah,” Kol cheered, “so you are Klaus’s lost little musician.”

“Little!” he sputtered, he was ignored but Finn pulled him under his arm.

“The one that got away, there's a portrait of you in the music room.” Kol continued.

“Shut up Kol.” Klaus grumbled.

“Wait? What?” he couldn't help but ask, he had only sat for Klaus once and it had to be over a century before they moved here.

[bobbiworks]

Beyond the Bell's Chimes | Part 9

written by: Bobbi Henderson (jayxhobi)

RIIZE fanfiction: Wonbin, Seunghan, Eunseok, Shotaro, Sungchan, Sohee, Anton, Original Characters

Genre: Teen Romance, High school, Friendship, Youth, Teenage Life, Growing Up, Angst, Fluff, Fanfiction

PS: There are some curse words being spoken by the characters, please be advised. Thank you. Don't forget to leave a comment or share it to others!

At the secluded area behind the school, a place mostly avoided by both faculty and students, Hwang Yuri held her dominion. She'd claimed this spot, filled with junk, old broken furniture, and remnants of her reign. Here, she did as she pleased, which often included smoking and bullying others.

During their afternoon break, one of Yuri's friends dragged a girl with bobbed hair and shoved her to the ground.

"What are you doing? What did I do to you?" The girl cried as they faced each other.

Yuri, with a cigarette between her lips, stepped in front of her. "Bring me my lighter, damn it," she commanded, and one of the girls handed her the lighter. "Is this her?" She asked.

"No, but she's her friend," one of the girls replied. Yuri scrutinized the girl on the ground, grabbing her hair to see her face and checking her name tag, Hwang Miri.

"What a lousy name," Yuri scoffed, blowing smoke in Miri's face. "Where's that girl?" She demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Miri replied, unable to comprehend why she was being dragged into this situation.

"Shim Jiwoo! Where the hell is she?" Yuri yelled angrily, her eyes almost bulging from their sockets. She couldn't believe Eunseok was treating her like this because of some nobody.

"I don't know where she is!" Miri yelled back, finally standing up for herself. "Jiwoo... what did that girl even do to you?" She questioned, teeth clenched. She couldn't fathom why this upperclassman was seeking Jiwoo.

"Acting all innocent, huh?" Yuri hissed, "It's making me so angry! Argh!" She yelled and was about to slap Miri's face when everyone stopped moving.

"Yuri, it's Eunseok," her friend whispered in a small voice.

Sungchan quickly spotted Miri and pulled her away from Yuri's reach. "Are you okay?" He asked, noting that Miri's arms and legs were hurt. "You should go to the clinic," he suggested, reaching out to carry her, but Miri hesitated, pushing herself away.

"I'm fine... Thanks. I can manage," she said, forcing a smile despite the pain.

"Eunseok," Yuri's voice suddenly softened but cracked. She watched Eunseok enter her territory with a smirk on his face. "Let me explain."

"I made it crystal clear that I hate it when you get into my business," he spoke, his hands deep in his pockets, indicating that he didn't need much effort at the moment.

"No, I- I was just trying to make sure–" Yuri started to speak, but Eunseok smiled.

"It's okay, Yuri. I understand, but I don't want to see your face from now on," he said, with a bright smile that seemed to leave him unaffected by the situation. He'd already made up his mind.

"No, wait. Eunseok, you can't be serious," Yuri said, her voice quivering with humiliation. It wasn't just her and Eunseok; a crowd of students had witnessed this confrontation.

"You're too ugly for me," Eunseok replied, and he wished her well before walking away from the scene.

"You're going to pay for this, Eunseok! Argh!" Yuri screamed angrily before storming away.

"Eunseok, she's our classmate. Aren't you worried she might be bothered by your presence?" Sungchan asked but noticed Miri's eyes as they were about to leave. "Wait."

Eunseok stopped and turned to look at Sungchan, who rushed toward Miri.

"You should come with us; I'll take you to the clinic," Sungchan said, carefully holding her hand and helping her walk. But the clinic was quite far from their location, and Miri was in pain due to the harsh treatment she had received.

"This won't do," Sungchan sighed and stepped forward, bending down so Miri could reach. "Come on, I'll carry you."

"No, I'm heavy!" Miri protested. She'd always believed she was heavy because of her physique, as she had grown up hearing harsh words about her weight from people she knew. She'd be embarrassed if she let this guy carry her and risk his well-being just to help her.

"You're not heavy, I'm sure of it," Sungchan assured, tapping his back. Miri bit her lip and anxiously walked toward him, getting on his back.

Eunseok took off his jacket and wrapped it around Miri's waist to cover her back. Miri couldn't help but feel flustered by the gestures the boys were making.

The three of them walked to the clinic, where Miri received first aid treatment.

"Thank you," she said to Sungchan, who watched her from across the room.

"No problem!" He smiled, then noticed that she immediately turned to Eunseok, who was busy reading a pamphlet he'd picked up from the table.

"Shim Jiwoo," Miri said. "That girl was looking for Shim Jiwoo." She began to share her concerns with the two.

"Do you know her?" Sungchan asked. Eunseok continued to show no interest, but he listened intently to their conversation.

"She's my best friend. She never gets in trouble, and if she does, I don't think it's her fault," Miri explained, clearly worried about her friend. She'd known Jiwoo since first grade, and Jiwoo had always been an outsider. Despite facing relentless bullying, Jiwoo never gave up.

"Do you know where she is?" Sungchan asked.

"Apparently, she's been absent for two days now," Miri continued. "Shotaro is her neighbor, and he sometimes delivers things for her parents."

Eunseok smiled. "Got it."