#leave me and my gay little haircut alone omg

[mmmmuffins]

.

[buntanteen]

My Long List of Thoughts About Endgame Cuz IDK Who To Talk To

I’m happy about:

WE GOT THE FUCKING HUG WITH PETER & TONY I’M SCREAMINGGIGNGINGIGN

How they implemented the old movies really well

The jealous look Steve gave Pepper like omg Stony stans unite.

Joe Russo having a cameo as gay omg.

Lil Doctor Strange’s hand being all shaky like benedict really went all out with the nerve damage

How Nebula was a huge part of it and not a minor character

“I…am…Iron Man” LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU ARE. Just Tony alone holding all the infinity stones STRONGEST AVENGER RIGHT HERE THAT’S WHY THOR WASN’T ALLOWED TO DO IT.

I think when Steve had Thor’s hammer was when the entire audience was cheering and fuck yeah, it doesn’t look normal I’m not used to it but fuck yeah.

How emotional and impacted everyone was but the dusting. Like Nat was still crying after 5 years. Wait, does this mean everything is like set in 2023? Or at least around that time?

That bit where all the females were basically together protecting baby Peter

Quill’s really bad singing omg.

Morgan. That’s it. That lil bean has stolen my heart. The moment I saw the little chair I was crying (ok I was crying the whole time, not an exaggeration, I got emotional a lot during the beginning dusting, Nebula + Tony playing, E V E R Y T H I NG) I can’t wait to see her grow up x 3000. How dare they take tony away from her. If I wasn’t crying in a scene, I would probably start crying in it even if it wasn’t sad because omg Tony got his baby Morgan. “Mom told me to go save you”

Pepper fucking Potts. I saw the lake and knew that Tony was there (Gwyneth lowkey spoilt that) and like her in that suit was everything.

Tony’s death. I’m actually, in a sad way, happy that’s how he died. I wish he could’ve grown old like Steve but for the way he got killed, I’m happy. He saved the universe. He saved so many people

America’s Ass.

The montage of them trying to figure out how to get the stones.

“On your left” Sam was done so well for the movie. He got like a solid 7 minutes but it was really good. How he was the one to let the whole audience & Steve know that they were back, was everything. I sobbed some more (I was crying the whole time ok? Leave me alone) when I saw the lil case with the shield.

Putting in Peggy, Howard, Frigga, Jane & 2012!Avengers was so emotional and hilarious

Valkyrie was great and amazing

Loki being featured made me really happy

The smirk on Steve’s after he got the sceptre. I can’t believe he said “Hail Hydra” that literally was so much.

The amount Carol was shown. It wasn’t “OMG SHE’S THE HERO AND WILL KILL THANOS OUR QUEEENNN” like, she showed up when necessary. When it worked. Also, she was helping out another planet so it makes sense.

Steve & Peggy finally getting that dance. Like I saw the car, heard the music and cried. Because I knew that was the dance they wanted.

How little Bucky was in it. It did piss me off because he didn’t have enough scenes with Steve, but at least we get a show right?

The whole Howard exchange.

Wanda being a total badass I can’t.

Tom Holland’s performance and part of Endgame was utterly amazing. The instant kill mode was great. How he reacted to Tony dying. Like omg this time it was roles reversed except Tony was gone for good.

The funeral was perfect? The lake, the people there. The flowers. Proof that Tony Stark Has  A Heart.

I’m pissed at:

I FUCKING KNEW THEY WERE LYING ABOUT THAT SCENE. ANTHONY’S FACE SAID IT ALL. THEY DID HAVE THAT FUCKING SCENE YOU LIAR.

Thor was basically a joke for being fat. I know that it’s just a shock that he doesn’t have rock solid abs now, but it’s sort of being rude to people with that figure (honestly, it made me feel worse about myself, because everyone would laugh about it). I get that he’s depressed and he has every reason to be fat but like using it as a joke all the time was a lot.

They only used some lines or bits for fan nostalgia or other things. It seemed forced (some bits more than others)

“You used the stones two days ago” ok but when? Like literally Tony was in space for more than 20 days, the maths doesn’t add up.

We barely saw Bruce, just Hulk-Bruce, which is disturbing

The beginning song with the opening credits

I couldn’t actually tell that it was Stan Lee and that was his cameo

When talking about time travel stuff, DOCTOR WHO wasn’t even mentioned?

Killing Tony, Steve & Natasha.

Carol’s haircut…honestly no. I wished the sides were cut a bit more so it’s more like the comics.

Shuri coming with the outfit she didn’t even have in Infinity War pissed me off because everyone had the same thing from when they were dusted.

Cassie being older. Like, I’m not ok with that? She kinda looks 15 instead of like 13 though.

All of that…is canon. Like Tony is actually dead. Steve actually is old and gonna die soon. Gamora, Nat & Vision aren’t there.

That beginning was so quick. With Thanos being killed so quickly. Just I was shooketh.

Thanos can actually cook? Like woah. Didn’t see that coming.

The film was…a lot. You could easily cut out a lot of scenes that weren’t even necessary? I’m sad, happy & pissed at the film. There was so much that was probably there because Steve & Tony were going to DIE. Like steve holding thor’s hammer, check. Tony having a kid, check.

No end credit. Like why the fuck wasn’t there one? The cinema people told us to clear out because there wasn’t one. I wanted to stay but wasn’t allowed to.

How unrealistic was that ending dance though? Steve would’ve stepped on Peggy’s toes omg.

How convenient it was to be able to time travel with the quantum realm and that shit.

What the fuck did Loki even do with the space stone? Where is that sneaky boi now?

Where does the MCU go now? You can’t top that.

I’m sad about:

Everything, this whole film

The cheeseburger bit

There’s so much more but my mind has only remembered these details. 

[songofadaydream]

my real-time thoughts on rocketman the 4th time I’ve seen it in total and 2nd time this week, let’s go bois *very long post warning*

fair warning I just finished jojo rabbit less than an hour ago and it was way more emotional than I expected, so she’s probably going to be an emotional wreck tonight ladies!! :)) also, I will be pausing the movie throughout! just wanted to let you know

starting the night out right with some lay’s salt and vinegar chips and a lush face mask

not even a part of the movie but when the studio logos come on a version of goodbye yellow brick road and just *french kiss*

it’s starting and I am here for it!!

taron comes looking like an icon and a snack. actually, a whole meal. the heart glasses omggg

“how long’s this gonna take.” “that’s really up to you.”

i never noticed this before but taron stares right into the camera as he introduces himself

“my name is elton hercules john. and I’m an alcoholic. and a cocaine addict. and a sex addict. and a bulimic. i’m also a shopaholic who was problems with weed, prescription drugs, and anger management.”

“well my dealer was out of town I thought this seemed like a good alternative,”

“and I wanted to get better.”

um the transition into the full on musical number of the bitch is back.

this tiny little child actor playing elton saying bitch 10 million times. props to his parents for letting him do that.

um also his riffs??

just the way his mom says, “love to.”

god his dad is a DOUCHE

“when are you going to hug me”🥺🥺

the flashlight conducting scene!! they’re playing rocketman and it’s so beautiful and cute!! whe lil reggie/elton gets on the mini piano oh my god

when he looks at his mom’s fashion magazines...gay fashion icon beginnings...

*looks up* “can we go home,”

he starts playing his teacher’s song and she’s just like 😦😦

idk if this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t really like the I want love scene. I just don’t really like the switching of singer, the arrangement, and tempo. just my opinion though :/ also that’s the only weak scene of this movie I think

elton’s grandmother appreciation post send tweet

that last I want love though.

when his mom is clearly getting it on in a car and her date is like, “I’m..,,..a friend of.,.,,..your mum’s,.,,”

his dad leaves. heartbreaking!

when he wipes the tear away...

“i discovered records. and rock and roll :)”

playing classical music with an elvis presley haircut is an aesthetic no I don’t take criticism

“excuse me. you can’t put that there,” “why not,” “it’ll get knocked off.”

when he transforms into teenage elton and an amazing musical/dance number starts

that face taron makes when the door shuts on the car

“it’s not just your name. you gotta kill the person you were born to be in order to become the person you wanna be.”

that kiss with one of the band members is so hot.

peeing in a bottle in disgusting I’m sorry.

“what’d you say your name was again?” “elton.” “elton. elton what.” “john. elton john.”

ray is cute af. also the transcendental moment when he hands elton the envelope with bernie’s lyrics in it.

“one frothy coffee, no froth.”

jamie is so cute what the heckkkk

singing streets of loredo in a cafe is so wholesome and adorable

holy sHIT BORDER SONG IS STARTING

bernie and elton are literally so cute together as friends omg

also completely digging these like early 70s silk scarf things.

“yeah I could just take those songs and leave if you like,”

“what about the fact that you’re a f*g...your little friend here...is a homosexual.”

bernie not caring whether or not elton is is gay is Peak Pure ™

“oH fUcK”

when they stumble home drunk. the cuteness I can’t.

“you are a ssshhHHITT hot piano player, you have an aMAZING voice, and I’m telling you there is something special that happens...when you sing our songs.”

the way the two handle elton’s leaning in for a kiss is SO GOOD and I could write an entire essay on it. “we became inseparable after that. the brother I never had.”

“anyway I took his advice. told arabella. she took it quite well actually,” *cut to her throwing his piano out the window* “sHe KiLlEd mY pIaNo”

your song and everything about that scene is perfection. that’s all I have to say.

“you can’t just sPRING the troubadour on me.”

“put on a great

fucking

show. and just don’t kill yourself with drugs?”

amoreena is so good how didn’t I realize this until now!

doug flirting w/bernie kills me every time.

“ooh dude. what the hell’re you wearing?”

“my stage gear.”

*bernie stumbles in drunk* “reggie! reggie reggie. neil diamond is at the bar he’s talkin to leon russell and half the fuckin beach boys eh??”

“jesus sHIT bernie,”

that little, “well come on then,” after being yelled by bernie & ray

“please welcome all the way from london, england...”

ELTON JOHN

when he starts singing it’s like the smoothest molasses ever and I am HERE for it.

there’s an interview where taron says, and I quote, “those dungarees made my ass look massive” wholeheartedly agree my guy. but in best way possible

when they start floating

elton’s jacket and the magic that is the entirety of tiny dancer <3 <3

there’s a whole ass bed in a tipi?? what the hell

“so you like the songs then?” “not quite as much as the singer,” OH SHIT THE GAY TENSION

“there are moments in a rockstar’s life that defines who he is...and it’s going to be a wild ride,”

it’s a weird scene to like but I really love the take me to the pilot love scene. the song is so good and perfect for that moment, and they seem genuinely attracted to each other (even though john ends up being a huge dick later)

the way he takes the glasses off

the lil race to get their pants off is weird but it works

elton just seems so happy and content at the end and it’s so refreshing.

when he gets the shoes and the glasses <3

he looks so happy and fulfilled my little boy

why is it so cute when he and Kiki record don’t go breaking my heart

elton stops it the SECOND he sees John oh my goddd

kiki’s little “ough” when she sees john

“elton what’s going on are we going again or should we go for a pint,” *sees john walk into the closet* “yeah no yeah you should go for a pint”

HONKY CAT IS ONE OF IF NOT THE BEST SCENES/SONGS IN THE ENTIRE FILM THERE I SAID IT

cocaine induced head butt of a soccer ball is iconic

why did they have to get rid of rayyyy

the, “best of luck to you elton,” is so bitter yet genuinely well-wishing??

“welp...that was *absolutely* horrible,” is such a mood

the scene where he goes to come out to his dad is so incredibly heartbreaking, especially when it cuts to him in rehab.

taron deserves an oscar just for throwing that chair alone.

“what have you got to do the get a fucking drink around here, eh?” and then he takes a swig from a bottle in the car with john

when he calls his mom to come out. that shit hurts.

“i just hope you realize you’re choosing a life of being alone forever...you’ll never be loved properly.” he opens his mouth. it’s so awful guys. and then he fucking gets punched by john what an absolute dick.

“real love’s hard to come by. so you find a way to cope without it.”

the scene that comes right after that when he’s getting ready for his show and snorts cocaine and takes a swig of a drink really shows how far off the deep end he had gone. it’s heartbreaking, really.

“PEOPLE DON’T PAY TO SEE rEgInALd dWiGhT THEY PAY TO SEE ELTON JOHN. DON’T EVER TELL ME HOW TO DO MY FUCKING JOB.” “WRITE THE FUCKING LYRICS, BERNIE. LET ME DEAL WITH THE REST,” “i’m sorry,” “i know.”

that headdress tho

ok but pinball wizard absolutely slaps and so does the montage with all of his changing outfits

oh my god the drag queen in his room though

NONONONO JOHN IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE FUCKING CHEATING ON HIM IT IS NOT OKAY.

what an inconvenient time for his mom to waltz in

“and what a shy little boy you were! look at you now.”

“mum you’re ON my GOWN,”

i wish i were as cool as bernie getting out of that car and coming inside

“yEaGhHhH...go get a lil drink. yehyeh,”

get ready for one of the most impactful scenes of 2019 if not the 2010s ladies

“FOR MY NEXT TRICK i’m gonna fucking kill myself.”

again, I could write an entire essay on this but the fact that he is literally hitting rock bottom with his childhood self down there is so impactful and powerful and one of the greatest artistic choices they made in this film. also the cinematography is gorgeous.

and oh, by the way, taron actually performed this underwater. no cgi or special effects. where is his oscar.

john is a dick to him on the stretcher but bernie looks so genuinely concerned for his friend and I love that.

it is absolutely gut wrenching when they pump his stomach.

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND ANGLES AND SILHOUETTES WHEN IT GETS TO THE BIG CHORUS PART IS SO SO SO INCREDIBLY GOOD AND AMAZING AND I WILL NEVER, EVER GET OVER IT.

the nurses getting him ready for what was probably his biggest/most iconic performance to date is something so incredible, and such a great choice cinematically, story wise, and really emotion wise too. he was at his absolute rock bottom and did one of if not the most iconic performance a little over 24hrs later, and I think this little part really helps to illustrate that.

taron actually hit that baseball and I’m so proud of him for it.

the liftoff is so great. and then it cuts to him in a plane with smoke on his head which just. ugh.

hot take: elton’s addiction wouldn’t have gotten so bad if he had just gone to bernie’s fucking ranch with him

THE QUEEN OUTFIT IS SO ICONIC IM SORRY

also if this movie doesn’t win the goddamn best costume design I swear to god.

YES BENNIE AND THE JETSSSSS

this is also such a great scene as well omg.

when he flashbacks to his childhood and difficult and also great moments in his life during this sequence. that hit hard.

i feel like no one talks about taron’s arms enough? they as thiccc as his thighs why y’all sleeping on them

“You signed a contract with me years ago, so I’ll still be collecting my 20% long after you’ve killed yourself.” that’s cold as hell.

when he throws that glass at the door. and then victim of love starts playing straight afterwards UGH dexter fletcher you need to STOP and CALM DOWN

listen I don’t know elton was thinking and/or feeling in terms of life and his sexuality when he decided to marry renata but can we talk about his wedding outfit?? wtffff it’s so gay and if you don’t see it you’re blind.

the look his mom gives him I’m DEAD

they literally had separate rooms this was not a normal marriage. the breakfast scene is so sad though.

“did being married make you happy?” “not really, I’m gay.” hands down one of the most iconic lines in the entire movie.

why does he have sperm on this firework suit coat.

“you know I am so sick of running away from who I am.”

the way his voice wavers and cracks is not okay. and neither is his mom twisting everything around so that she’s made out to be the victim. and don’t cry in the bathroom elton please buddy. you’ll be okay.

“campaign to kill yourself is going well, eh?”

“when did you give up? if you don’t care about yourself how can you expect anyone else to...it’s not weak to ask for help.”

goodbye yellow brick road is such a beautiful song and scene and why didn’t we get Jamie to sing more I mean come on he does so incredibly well in this scene.

also I didn’t really realize that they flipped a few verses around for the movie. and elton yelling and screaming at bernie as he leaves is so powerful.

elton yelling at himself.

this is also when he has a heart attack?? chest infection?? I don’t really know but he falls down the stairs and Mr. Dick Manager John makes him continue to perform.

and there he is in the first scene’s costume. singing the rest of yellow brick road.

and there he goes. off to rehab. a full circle moment. good for him for finally taking control of his life and addictions.

“yeah but I started acting like a c*nt in 1975. I just forgot to stop.”

“maybe I should’ve tried to be more ordinary.” his grandmother walks in. “he was never ordinary.” my. heart. can. not. take. this.

this next scene where he talks to everyone in his mind is incredibly powerful and I will shout it from the rooftops until the end of time.

“my problem is that I believed you loved me. and you’re incapable of it.” the SHADE

“actually I think I’m okay with strange.”

BERNIE COMES IN MY LOVE

“bernie...I never told you how much I need you.” shit fam here comes the waterworks

“you just need to remember who you are. and be okay with it.”

and then his childhood self comes in. “I haven’t been reggie Dwight for years.” “when are you going to hug me.” he engulfs his young self in a hug. this is one of the best moments of the film and I am now full on crying.

I can’t get over how wholesome bernie’s visit is with Elton. the sweetest thing ever.

“you’re not scared you’re not good without it, you’re scared to feel again...this is the part you gotta do on your own. these...need music”

“thank you bernie.” “you’re my brother.” <3

and then he finally sits down to write again. and it’s pure magic.

I’m still standing is a a feat of what he’s been through the entire movie. finally, he’s sober, he’s accepting of himself/his sexuality, and is getting to a better place. plus, it mirrors the original music video, and is everything I’ve ever needed and more. *the* perfect scene and song to end upon.

he’s so happy at the end. and then the epilogue starts and says he’s been sober for 28 years and counting, set up an aids charity, still writes with bernie, met his husband David 25 years ago and is finally loved properly (rip my heart out of my chest, why don’t you), has two sons and is retiring from touring. and and the I’m gonna love me again plays with him and taron and it’s just such a perfect song to end, and I can’t.

so. those are my thought while watching rocketman for the 4th time in total, 2nd time this week. sorry that’s it’s so long. I just love this film so much. anyways, it’s almost 2am and I’m an emotional wreck. I’m gonna go cry and go to bed now. thanks for making it this far. :) <3

[sawthingsiimagined]

A New Me - 2

We Can’t Be Friends

JACE

It felt like old times. I was so happy. Here we are again at a Diner the night before I open for the musical sensation Miguel. It was reminiscent of the night I shared the first time I met my crew the night before our first show with the superstar pop group SASSY. This time I knew most of the crew and over the last 2 days had grown to enjoy the new additions. I was both nervous and excited about opening for Miguel. I had grown to love his music a couple of years back and won’t lie, his music made me think sexual thoughts. I was anxious to see him perform his music live and prayed that my set was impressive to the fans since I would be the first act they would experience the night of his show. Talking to my grandad, the Bishop, and my parents back home reassured me that things would be fine. They informed me that they wouldn’t be able to attend the first show, as they did when Jada and I performed our first show on the SASSY tour but the assured me they would attend a show soon. I understood because Jada was currently dealing with her pregnancy news and grandpa was still recovering from his heart attack. 

The seating chart at the table reminded me so much of the night I joined my crew at the diner and had my first drink, as well as first drunken night. I didn’t plan to get as drunk as I did that time but I was definitely planning on celebrating. My music was great, the show was going to be great, I felt great and I looked great. I was growing more confident being alone on the road without my sister. This solo gig may just work in my favor. I was wearing some grey-washed, skinny jean shorts with an oversized marble colored tank top and some white Yeezy Boosts. I had cut the sides of my hair and let the top grow back out longer than my previous haircut. My hair was in a slick man-bun and I was definitely feeling myself. Beside me was TJ, my bro who was currently drunk and talking loud as ever, on the other side of me was my new assistant Ashley, Mona’s niece who was a gorgeous girl with squinty eyes, soft copper skin tone and a stylish short hairstyle. She was a little tomboyish but in a very chic way that accented her shape and feminine features. Also at the table was my new stylist, Bryson a very attractive guy with a weird sense of fashion. He had about 6 piercings and tattoos along his neck and the sleeve of his arm. He was Dominican and bilingual, rocking a goatee with a mustache that complimented his full pink lips and slick bald head that made him look like a trendsetter. I was excited to learn a lot from him about being myself and embracing who I really was. The band also came to dine with me and across from me was...him. Demarion really knocked the wind out of me in ways I couldn’t prepare for me. A part of me wishes I would have suggested more ladies be a part of the crew. All of these males working for me really played with my imagination especially since they behaved as if they were indebted to me. Still, no one mattered on this crew like Demarion did. He was wearing a vintage, navy Atlanta Braves baseball jersey which he left the top four buttons unbuttoned to expose his chest and top set of abs. He also was wearing a fitted cap that covered his eyes, although I could still see them. We made a lot of eye contact sitting at the table. He had grown a beard since we started rehearsing for the new tour. It was something about the jet black color of the hair on his face that contrasted against his chocolate colored skin that made me want to risk it all. At this point, I had admitted that I was VERY attracted to him. I still hadn’t identified with gay, bi or curious. I wasn’t quite aware what each label meant and didn’t want to disrespect either group until I gained proper knowledge. As far as I was concerned I didn’t need a label to tell me that I wanted him. After 2 shots and 2 rounds of 1800 Tequila and pineapple juice, I felt I not only wanted him but I needed him. 

We finished our meals and I paid everyone’s tab thanking them for all of the hard work that I trusted that would deliver for the tour. Everyone jumped in the Mercedes Sprinter that was loaned to us by Miguel so we could all travel together around the city. No sooner as we pulled away from the diner everyone dozed off. The alcohol was definitely was working on us. I fought hard to stay awake. Demarion sat in front of me I noticed that he was still awake so I shot him a text message. I changed my name in his phone so no one would know who he was texting if they happened to see his phone. My name his phone was Dream. His name in my phone was an emoji of the snare drum. 

MY TEXT : “My room or yours? I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I’m anxious”

I saw him jump as he felt his phone vibrate. It was so cute to see him speedily reply after he knew it was me. 

DEMARION’S TEXT: “I’ll come to your room. I didn’t clean up haha”

It’s funny that we text ‘lol’ and ‘haha’ and don’t be laughing. I didn’t even see him laugh but I understood. He lived out of suitcase and usually had clothing items thrown all over his hotel room. 

MY TEXT: “Thanks my friend”

I noticed he titled his head to the side and stared into space. I checked my message to see if I said something wrong. I didn’t see an error. 

The sprinter pulled into the hotel and once parked everyone immediately piled out, Demarion leading the way. Before I could step out the door closed in front of me also slamming on my leg. I looked through the window and saw Demarion talking to Walter, our driver/audio guy. I tried to open the door but it was locked. I was about to get annoyed because I figured they forgot about me and I just bought all of them food. I was too drunk for the shenanigans. I suddenly noticed Demarion hopping in the front seat and cranking up the ignition. 

“Um.. excuse me. Where are we going?” I said with a confused attitude. 

He looked at me through the rearview mirror with a serious face. 

“I want to take my Friend somewhere is that cool,” he replied with a flat tone. 

“Man I didn’t mean anything by that,” I said noticing that’s what offended him about my text. I sat back in my seat and he pulled into traffic. We road in silence for about 15 minutes until we pulled into the loading dock of the auditorium where we’d be performing tomorrow. I was confused. The place was a ghost town. The trucks that carried our tour gear were parked outside but everyone had retreated to the hotel for the night. Demarion parked and jumped out the car. I sat up waiting to see what he was about to do. He opened the back door and climbed inside.

“Scoot over,” he said. 

Without putting up a fuss I obliged but I’d be the one with the next demand. 

“What are we doing. I thought we were going to go to bed in my room. No one..,” I said before he broke my next statement with a kiss. He thrust his tongue into my mouth. He slightly broke the kiss and begin talking to me in begin kisses. 

“You were right. A pretty boy like you has probably had experiences kissing your friends. That’s all we’ve done is share a kiss. But I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your man. So I wanted to show you the difference real quick. If you let me,” he said in a low whisper tone. It felt like we were in a movie. I was speechless. I could still taste the alcohol on his breath. He had been drinking Hennesy but Demarion never seemed to be drunk so I knew he wasn’t in this moment. He was fully functioning. 

I reached in and kissed him deeply. As if he didn’t like it, he pushed me on my back causing me to lay on the seat. He lifted my legs and reached for the button and zipper of my shorts. 

OMG! I was not ready for this. I’m not going to lie, I wanted him but I was a virgin and I’ve never expressed that to him. I had never been with a guy or girl but I knew what sex with both parties entailed. I was not ready. However, for some reason, I couldn’t put up much of a fight. I let him pull down my shorts followed by navy blue H&M boxer briefs. He reached down and kissed me. 

“Demarion,” I said with my hands on his chest, “I’ve never done this before.”

“So. Neither have I. But I want to with you. Bad,” he said with an evil grin that lit my insides on fire. I don’t know how to do anything but I was going to figure it out. 

He began kissing me on my neck and lifted my tank making a trail with his tongue down to my belly button. I squirmed trying not to make any noises. In all of my years, I had never been touched like this. My private area was hard as a brick. I had never been harder. Before I knew it, he grabbed my thighs from underneath, pulling my knees apart. He lifted my legs high and I clenched my eyes shut to prepare for what I expected to be painful. However, I remembered he still had his jeans on. Next thing I knew he buried his head in between my legs using his tongue to spread my cheeks apart. Afterward, I completely understood what Jhene Aiko meant when she said: “eat the booty like groceries”. At this point, I could no longer hold in my moan. I breathed heavy and let out a moan. That made him go crazy. He started using his tongue faster. I grabbed my privacy to keep it from hitting him on the top of his head. I could no longer feel my toes. He slapped my hands down so they would fall beside me. Without letting up, he started stroking my manhood, slowly and I knew then that I wouldn’t survive the night. No one had EVER touched that area besides me and my mom when she changed my diaper as a baby. I breathed harder and harder trying to contain myself. I felt myself about to climax but I tried to avoid it so I wouldn’t spill my liquid on him. That would be weird. He made the mistake by talking.

“Your friends do this shit to you? Huh? ” he asked him between strokes of his tongue and hand. 

I tried to answer but words wouldn’t leave my throat. 

“So you gonna let me be your man Jace? You gonna let a nigga be your man baby?” he asked a little more aggressive and louder than the last question. 

I managed to find words. “Yea MAN!” I screamed. Before I knew it I climaxed, shooting my load onto the top of his Nike fitted cap and on his hand. I immediately felt embarrassed I had never climaxed so hard. I start shaking involuntarily and he pulled up and leaned down burying his face in my neck while I grabbed on to him. 

“You like that? I ain’t your friend. I’m your man. You got that?” he asked.

Exasperated I answered “Yes.”

He laid on top of me for a few minutes and I felt tears swell in my eye. What did this mean? My heart was beating fast and all I wanted to do was lay here all night. I knew that we would have to leave but I felt something deep for this guy. What should I do? We sat at the arena another hour and he told me how infatuated he was with me and how he wanted to protect me and be the man of my dreams. Only thing is that I never really dreamed of a man but I told him we could attempt to try this together. He would be my first. My first sexual encounter, first boyfriend and possibly first love. I was terrified.

“Oh and I’m sorry for cursing. I know you don’t like that. But just had to let you know I ain’t your lil’ friend,” he said. We both burst into laughter. 

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We Can’t Be Friends

JADA

It was rather ironic that I was sitting at the airport gate waiting for my flight to board and listening to Adele belt her hit song “Hello”. I was headed to surprise Jace for his first show. I told him that wouldn’t be able to make it because of pregnancy issues but I really wanted to be there for my brother. Besides, the only pregnancy issue I was having is that I didn’t know who the baby’s daddy was. I texted Ernest earlier that day and he agreed to meet me back in Augusta at the end of the week. He seemed to be rather calm about the whole ordeal which caught me off guard because he never expressed interest in me besides my legs being wrapped around his waist. 

I watched the people deboard the plane that I was about to get on. Luckily the flight was not delayed. I caught Spirit flight for cheap and every knows Spirit is notorious for cancellations and delays. I had just realized that I had Adele’s song on repeat when I heard her sing the intro to  “Hello” for the third time. It was at that moment that I noticed him. Q walked off the plane. My heart fell to my feet. He didn’t notice me. I really wasn’t 100% sure that it was him but I gathered my things to get a closer look. He was wearing a gray bomber jacket with gray joggers. He looked rather normal. His sunglasses gave me the impression that he was incognito and I didn’t see anyone with him. I started to second guess myself even more as I followed him closely a few feet away from the gate. I was a silly hoe but not a stupid hoe. I know who I gapped these legs open for. I may don't know his mom’s name but I knew what he looked like. 

I decided to tap him on the shoulder when I was a few inches away from him. Startled he turned around with a frown on his face. It quickly softens when he recognized me. 

“Jada!” he said loudly as if he had seen a ghost. He grabbed my hands and I pulled away. He could tell I was upset.

“Let me explain,” he said.

“You have 5 minutes because my plane is leaving,” I said with my hand on my hip and the neck roll of every woman on Love and Hip Hop when they do their confessional interviews. 

“I’ve been calling you. I told Jace to let you know,” he said. 

“You what? Wait. You talked to Jace?” I asked. 

“Yes briefly. Look do you trust me?” he asked. 

“HELL NO NIGGA! HELL YOU MEAN?” I shrieked. I was almost embarrassed at my reaction but this boy almost had me killed and then went ghost on me and now I may be pregnant with his baby. What is trust? 

“Look come with me. Where are you going? I can get you another flight,” he pleaded. I could tell by his eyes that he was desperate. I looked back at my gate watching passengers board and without thinking it through I waved my hand in the direction he was headed to signal that I would go with him. I take it back. I am a stupid hoe. 

We go to the pickup area and I notice one of his crew members standing outside of a black truck. We both get inside. Once we were inside he reached over and hugged me and I begin hitting at him. Tears filled my eyes. He grabbed my hands. 

“Baby! I’m sorry,” he said. “There is so much that happened. There’s so much I didn’t want to introduce you to so fast dealing with me. Look I’m not these other rap niggas out here. I’m street. Real street. So you have to understand, these clothes, my jewelry, and these cars.... that’s the most glamorous shit about me,” he said looking me directly in my eye. 

I started bawling and laid my head in his lap. “I was so worried Q. I didn’t know what to do,” I said in between sobs. 

“To the W,” he said to the driver.

“I know baby. I’m gonna make it up to you. I swear,” he said running his fingers through my hair.

We rode the rest of the way to the hotel in silence. I had driven my car to Atlanta to catch a flight from here to meet up with my brother. Q was the last person I expected to see. Luckily the show wasn’t until tomorrow night so it was possible that I could still make it to support him. 

Once we got to the hotel we went immediately to his room. When we walked in Q went straight the bathroom shutting the door behind him. I sat on the bed and contemplated how I was going to tell him that I was possibly carrying his baby. After a few minutes I heard the shower turn on. ‘This nigga didn’t even say give me a few minutes or nothing’ I thought to myself. A few more minutes went by and I heard him call my name. I called back but he didn’t say anything. I walked to the bathroom door and opened it. He was standing in the middle of the bathroom naked with steam floating around him like he was in some kinky music video. A part of me was turned on and a part of me wanted to slap him for thinking he could whip out the dick and all would be forgotten. But I had something in store for him. 

I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

“Come shower with me. I just got out of jail and hopped on the first flight leaving for Atlanta. I came here to hide for a few days until the press dies down. A nigga feels dirty. Come help me get clean,” he said grabbing his leg....and by leg I mean the tree trunk of a dick between his legs. I felt my nipples harden and my garden moisten. I took off my clothes and proceeded to join him in the shower. 

“Q you know I was almost killed messing around with you?” I asked sincerely. 

“Yes, I know. And they were looking for you after the fact as well to try and get back at me. But I got you. Ok?” he said. I scoffed. 

“I said OK?” he repeated himself.

“I’m not a damn child,” I said pushing away from him. 

“You’re not a child. Because if you were I wouldn’t be able to do this,” he said reaching from behind me palming one of my breasts and using another hand to find the gateway to heaven between my legs. I was sold. “But you are my baby,” he said in my ear before taking it in his mouth. I let out a soft moan while he fingered me. The warm water running over my body stimulated me more. Before I could think further, he inserted himself inside of me from behind. It had been a while since I had sex so it hurt in a pleasureable way. He enjoyed how tigh I was becuase I could hear him trying to surpress his moans. He picked up my right leg to help balance himself and to give me the death stroke. I literally felt like my soul was leaving my body. If it was possible he would possibly get me pregant again tonight.

I thought about how much I wanted to understand him and how I really would rather him be the father of my child more than Ernest. Before I knew if he grabbed my hair and begin growling. I knew he had climaxed. For the first time having sex with him I did not. My mind must have been elsewhere. I pullled away from him and used a towel to lather soap and begin washing our bodies. He kissed me in between wipes and told me that I was his Queen and shit. He also excused himself for climaxing so fast. Something about him not jerking off because he had been in jail and the sight of me made him horny. Eye roll. 

I decided to wait until the morning to tell him the news. It was already late so I knew that there were no more departing flights but I was for sure getting on a plane to see my brother at Q’s expense. He flew out on me, I’m going to fly out on him.