#leave me alone i just want happiness
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deathshallbethelastenemy Ā· 1 year ago
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you know i adore you (3)
TEEN!gojo x FEM!reader (soulmate AU)
TWāš ļø: gojo's being a little manipulative, angst, mentions of death and blood, mostly fluff tho
1: what you see, i see
2: where you go, i go
A/N: gojo is so 1989 coded
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Her phone had buzzed for the tenth time during her student council meeting, and for the tenth time, she ignored it. She didn't have to look at the caller ID to know who it was.
Who knew Gojo Satoru would be so clingy? And here she thought she would be the one hanging on his coat tails. Not that they were dating because they weren't. They were friends with emphasis on friends - she had decided that after the high of finally seeing each other face to face.
The morning after was very clarifying for her. She tried to remember her dream the night, only to realize that Satoru had not slept the entire night - he had been watching her sleep the entire night. It was especially clarifying when her mom knocked on her door, and she processed that not only did she have a strange boy in her room, but that he was also soaked in blood. A hectic morning of her hiding her soulmate in the bathroom. It didn't help that he was complaining the entire time - it was a miracle her mother didn't hear him.
Fact of the matter is it would be irresponsible for her to start seeing him romantically without actually getting to know him first and she was a responsible person. So responsible that for the time being, she had to put student council duties first over her friendship with him, especially with the festival coming up.
She would call him after the meeting was over, "Now, do we have everything prepared for the festival tomorrow?"
Everyone nodded as they checked classrooms, and fixed decoration, and they put up the banner outside of the school that would be welcoming everyone in. After this task was done, she would leave.
From atop a ladder, she tied the elastic ribbons into a bow and smoothed the banner over with her hand, "Everything alright on that side?"
Her peer smiled at her from the other ladder directly on the other side of the banner, "Yeah!"
She climbed down the ladder and looked at their handiwork. It was perfect. All that was left was to go get her things.
One of her classmates giggled besides her, "Your boyfriend's here again."
"Who's boyfriend?" She asked.
The girl pointed at the entrance of the school, "Yours." She smiled cheerfully at him, "Hi, Gojo!"
And there he was, walking over to them - pouting.
This was her fault she should've known he would show up if didn't at least answer one of his calls or texts.
"We've been over this." She said, "He is not my boyfriend."
"Does he know that?" The girl said.
Another classmate chimed in, "Why not? he's super cute."
She hoped Satoru hadn't heard that. His ego was big enough as it was.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist as he nuzzled his head in her neck, he said, "Yeah, I am super cute. Why not?"
Of course, he heard them. He looked at her expectantly over his glasses. He really was adorable when he wanted to be, enough that all of her classmates (boys and girls alike) practically swoon for him when he does anything.
She ignored him, "Meetings over. Everyone, go home."
Satoru huffed in annoyance but didn't let go of her, "Why don't you answer your phone?" He tilted his head so she could see more of his vibrant blue eyes despite his glasses, "A text would've been enough."
She fought the urge to run her hands through his hair, "I told you I had a student council meeting today." She twisted in his arms to face him, "and I told you that I wasn't going to be able to call or text until after."
He buried his face in her neck again and groaned, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you did."
This was a little more than friendly, she knew that, but she also learned at the beginning of their friendship that he also didn't know what personal space was. Besides, she would stop him before he got too far, but she would admit, she liked it when he daringly pressed his lips on her neck to test just how far he can push the boundaries she had set for them. But today, she would enforce them.
She tugged his head back from her neck, "I have to go get my school bag, Satoru."
She stilled as he leaned in and kissed her in the corner of her mouth. Another thing he did to see how far he could go.
She pursed her lips, "That's more than friendly."
He raised an eyebrow, "You mind today?" And let out a dramatic sigh, "it's cause people are watching, isn't it?" He shifted all of his weight on her, "I'm a dirty little secret!"
She finally hugged him back. Not to actually hug him but keep them from toppling over.
She heard footsteps and giggles as her classmates walked past her and Satoru, "Yeah, he's totally not your boyfriend."
She saw a glimpse of Satoru's cheeky smile before he stuck his lower lip out and rubbed his cheek against hers.
And like clockwork, "Aw~"
She glared at her peers, "Do not encourage his behaviour."
They all snickered as they left.
She rolled her eyes at them and grabbed Satoru's cheeks with one hand forcing his lips to pucker as they looked at each other, "Stop." She pushed him off of her and finally, went to go get her belongings.
She sighed when Satoru slipped his hand in hers. If she pulled away he would whine for the rest of the day, so she let their fingers intertwine.
His eyes wandered away from her from time to time. She closed her eyes for a second. Little spectres were staring at them, peeking their heads from their hiding spots, and whenever, Satoru directed his gaze at them they'd duck back into their hiding spots in fear.
Oh.
She opened her eyes and quickened her steps. Her soulmate kept up with her new pace with ease. She opened the door and quickly picked up her school bag, but Satoru took it from her hand before she could sling it around her shoulder and swung it over his instead.
"Those curses shouldn't scare you. You know, they're too scared to come out and hurt anyone," he said, "They're too weak."
She grabbed her phone from the table, "You know I can't see them the way you can."
He pressed a kiss on her temple, "I can handle them, no problem."
She rested her head on his arm. He was right if any curse dared to rear out their ugly heads against them he would excorcise it easily. She was safe. They were safe.
She flipped her phone open as they walked out of the school.
47 MISSED CALLS from Gojo Satoru
He was not serious.
83 TEXT MESSAGES from Gojo Satoru
Oh God.
2 TEXT MESSAGES from Geto Suguru
Geto.S: He's being insufferable
Geto.S: Answer so he'll stop whining to me and Shoko
She shoved her phone in his face, "For real?!"
"You weren't answering!"
She shook her head as she went through the text messages.
Gojo.S: Wanna go check out the new boba place <3
Gojo.S: Whatcha ya doing? :3
Gojo.S: Oh right student council
Gojo.S: How long is it gonna to take?
Gojo.S: it's been 30 minutes :(
Gojo.S: Pls answer the phone </3
Gojo.S: meeting boring
Gojo.S: Ditch :D
She skimmed the rest of texts until she got near the end.
Gojo.S: The decorations look great!! :b
Gojo.S: r ya seriously going to check every classroom?
Gojo.S: For real?????
Gojo.S: ______ <3
Gojo.S: Suguru punched me :(
Gojo.S: kiss it better pls
Gojo.S: How much longer?????
Gojo.S: A ladder for what???
Gojo.S: :'(((((((((
Gojo.S: <////////////3
Gojo.S: I'm heading over there
She flipped her phone close, "You are such a stalker, Satoru."
He gasped offendedly, "I am not."
"Yes, you are."
"Am not!"
"Really?" She said, "What about the time you were literally watching me sleep for hours?"
"I wasn't myself that day." He quickly added, "and you were sad all day! What kind of soulmate would I be if I didn't let you know I was okay?"
"How'd you know where I live?" She retorted.
"It's a cute little bakery!" He smiled, "how is anyone supposed to miss that."
"Uh huh," she hummed, "suuureee~"
She was right, Satoru had somewhat stalked her that day and with how empowered he felt - he tracked down the very little cursed energy she did have with his six eyes.
"You stalk me too!" He pushed back.
"Hardly."
She was lying, but there was a difference between his stalking and her stalking. She only wanted to make sure he was safe. After what happened a few months ago, she couldn't help it and she only stalked him when he goes on missions not for everyday things like he does.
"Liar," Satoru said, "I can tell. I have really good eyes and senses."
She blushed, "It is not the same." Stupid six eyes, "You stalk me for no reason."
"It's not for 'no reason' - I miss you." He readjusted the straps of her school bag on his shoulder, "Besides, you don't have to worry about me like that anymore. No one can get the jump on me like that again."
She knew what he meant: I'm stronger now. Don't worry, I'm not dying anytime soon, and he was right. Nothing could touch him anymore unless he wanted it to, even her. Still, he didn't know what it felt like to have him gone from her soul. It wasn't a fading feeling of him slipping away - No, it was violent and soul wrenching - he was viscerally ripped from her. She was left cold and alone with her heart being the only one left beating. She was with him the whole time when he was desperately trying to learn and understand reverse curse technique to heal his bloody and dying body. All Satoru knew was that she cried.
Soft lips pressed against her cheek and then to the other. It was so sweet, so wonderful she hadn't realized she was crying.
"Is that why we aren't dating yet?" He continued to kiss her tears away, "you scared?"
She hadn't cared for him then and she fell apart. Imagine the damage it would do to her if she was in love with him? Her lip quivered at the thought. With a shaky breath, she buried herself in his chest in a hug, and nodded.
Satoru soothingly ran his long, slender fingers through her hair, "My girl's a bit of a little cry baby, ain't she?"
Her heart fluttered, my girl.
"I have every right to cry," she mumbled stubbornly in his chest.
He kissed the top of her head, "Yeah, you do." He tilted her chin up so she would look at him, "Boyfriends give more kisses you know."
She smiled as she wiped her tears, "No fair, I'm emotionally vulnerable right now."
Satoru's lips pressed ever so softly on hers. It was barely even a kiss, but she melted in his arms all the same. It would be so easy to fall into him and he would catch her every time. Yet, he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.
She was right. He shouldn't take advantage.
He sighed... if time was what she needed then he could wait a little longer.
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Part 4: i'm crazier for you
Gojo: y'all be scared to double text? Not me! Ding ding ding it's me again bitch!
Part 5: baby, you're the life of the party
Part 6: something's made your eyes go cold
Let me know if you wanna be tagged!
@phoenix666stuff @96jnie @mr-underhills-things @whatamidoing89
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pepperpixel Ā· 4 months ago
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Yadda yadda yadda jinx is generally seen as a loose canon, does whatever she wants type of character, totally unpredictable. When in actuality, up until the last few episodes all of her choices and actions r motivated by wanting to please someone else. Hell. Even in the last couple episodes, the very Last thing we see her doing is ENTIRELY MOTIVATED by devotion and love and grief for silco, sheā€™s taking out her frustration at herself and the world, and also honoring his wishes and dreams. By shooting a fucking bomb at piltover, sheā€™s ensuring his life wasnā€™t in vain, sheā€™s honoring him. In that moment
Her entire, self!!! is centered around love and loyalty. Is centered around other people, Sheā€™s motivated by an insatiable urge to prove herself, to be useful to those she loves, to show that she can help them and be there for them and be WORTHY of there love. That they havenā€™t made a mistake in loving her. To prove that she can be as pivotal to them as they r for her. She goes to the ends of the fucking earth to do this. And it ends. Terribly.
She puts the people she loves on pedestals and supplicates at there feet, she has no motivations most of the show outside of making the people she loves happyā€¦ she yearns for connection and love and safety. For a home that will never leave her behind, or crumble under her feet, (an indestructible home, That she canā€™t destroy just by being herā€¦)
Which is why.. itā€™s so. Interesting and intriguing. How now, she has no one on that pedestal to worship, no one to drag sacrifices and offerings to the feet of, no one to spiral around and build herself off of. She is a person so *affected* by her relationships w others, but there is no relationship now, no one is stepping up to the plate to love her. Sheā€™s too much. For anyone. The one person who seemed to have unlimited patience for her is dead, because of her. and maybe vi could still love her.. but. Sheā€™s already soured that relationship. Already broken that one too. Broken all her favorite toys that made her so happy. That were there for her. And scared all the rest away. (There is a limit to what vi can support and forgive to reconnect w her sister. And I believe terrorism is crossing that limit ghgh)
And maybe, jinx is cutting that part of herself out on purpose. To be stronger, sheā€™s realized she just. Isnā€™t made for love. That she ruins it all in the end. That it just makes everything worse. Messier. More complicated. Sheā€™s better off on her own, but for what PURPOSE! Who will she be now! What choices will she make!?! Almost all of her actions in the show were for others, what is driving her now, now that she has this gaping void at the center of her being. Where love used to beā€¦ what kind of person will she become, Without a guide to followā€¦ a sun to orbit around. itā€™s sad honestly ghghg-!!! like yeah itā€™s not healthy that she is this way but thereā€™s no THERAPY IN ARCANE. THIS IS THE WAY SHE IS! And now. Sheā€™s aloneā€¦ itā€™s rough. But also intriguingā€¦!! And I honestly have no clue how sheā€™s gonna act in season 2,,, or what sorta shit sheā€™s gonna get up to. but Iā€™m excited.
#arcane#jinx#arcane jinx#jinx arcane#pepper words#sorry for waxing philosophical about jinxā€™s mental state I just. WANTED TO#she is so tragic to meā€¦#and I see a lot of myself in her. albeit. like. since thereā€™s no therapy sheā€™s just deteriorated#but. idk. seeing a character like hers portrayed in fiction. and so accurately and like.. painfully#itā€™s cathartic#??? and I wanted to talk about her lol. leave me alone#ok now I gotta get ready for work lol#sOMEBODY GET THIS GIRL SOME THERAPY#but also DONT. cuz itā€™s cathartic to see the worst thoughts tendencies and feelings of myself come to life so unapologetically in her#likeā€¦ itā€™s. nice to see somebody go apeshit like this. when ur own brain and desire to live a normal happy life prevents u from going#apeshit urself.. jinx is raw and unfiltered pain and misery being taken out on the world and I love that about herā€¦ but#I also want her to be happy.. and. I donā€™t. actually think going apeshit will make her happyā€¦ in the end ghghg-#but I will still always support her going apeshit regardless. like u go girl! this might end up fucking u up worse then u already were#but if u wanna do something fucking do it girl! donā€™t let shit like laws or morals hold u back..#edit: I WANT to edit the bit about supplicatting cuz it was mostly jus me trying to be wordy but.#so I realized I was projecting too hard lol. jinx is willing to snap and go against and put pressure on her fav ppl#mostly for possessive reasons ghgg- but! yeah that parts kinda innacurate for her#other bits of this might be innacurate too! this is just me thinking out loud lol I donā€™t claim to be a jinx expert.#merely a jinx appreciatorā€¦
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iloveacronix Ā· 6 months ago
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Overtrauma duo before I go hangout w my friends at the mall. Also I know that I mispelt 'you're' SO LEAVE ME ALONE EBDOWHF
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This is my duo. I MADE IT. ME. ME AND ONLY ME. Nyway mmm Lloyd giving Cyrus a sword so he can try to protect himself from threats in case the ninja are too late. Also thank you for 100 followers ik that for some its not a big deal but it is for me, thank you <3
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snowflake-sage Ā· 12 days ago
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Pretty proud of how far Iā€™ve come this year
#I have struggled with crippling anxiety for a long time and this year I really wanted to overcome it and become more independent#like#I used to be absolutely terrified of leaving the house#things like driving and going places alone would make me have crazy panic attacks#but this year Iā€™ve done a lot and Iā€™ve overcome a lot and gained so much confidence#Iā€™ve flown across the country twice this year#driven on some pretty intimidating roads like the highway and freeway#gone on solo bike rides for miles through the woods#eaten tons of new foods#I know those sorts of things might seem very simple and normal everyday things#but I have ocd and it can make my anxiety pretty bad#it can also make a lot of my fears rather irrational#likes like trying new foods and going new places are genuinely intimidating for me#bc it makes me feel like Iā€™m going to die lol#but Iā€™ve done ALOT of things I was scared to do#Iā€™ve come along way#and it may seem like boring basic stuff to some people#but considering I couldnā€™t leave my house two years ago without panicking to the point of losing feeling in my hands and feet#I think I did pretty good lol#Iā€™m starting to feel like a confident person again#Iā€™m starting to feel like I can LIVE again#and itā€™s pretty nice#just wanted to write this out somewhere lol thatā€™s all#maybe it will be helpful for anyone struggling in similar ways#to see that improvement is possible#lol anyways happy November#mae rambles
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sakuraspoke Ā· 15 days ago
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:)
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th3-c0ll3ct3r Ā· 5 months ago
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(to clarify I mean this from a writing perspective. Like I don't think the writers necessarily, originally intended for Stolas to be racist and when you break it down I think they were going for him being more classist but at face value he seems racist.
Put together, and at face value he's racist. Breaking it down and from a narrative point, it seems he was supposed to be classist. WHICH IS STILL A BAD not defending the man in that front
Genuinely don't think they intend for Stolas to be a completely racist person/didn't intend for old (season 1) Stolas to be racist, but when you look at it all put together he's definitely got SOME racist energy.
But they definitely doubled down in season 2 on "old Stolas was racist bc of the people he grew up with"
But I'm just breaking down why I DON'T THINK THEY ORIGINALLY WANTED IT TO BE THAT WAY and it wasn't really an error, it was more of a one-track mind approach)
Someone on twitter said that Stolas is racist
ALSO DON'T GO TRACKING THEM DOWN TF?!+
...
BUT HE'S NOT-
(from a writing perspective/break down perspective)
He has been conditioned into being classist. Stella's the racist one-
āœØšŸ§µAhEmšŸ§µāœØ
When lil Stolas was meeting Blitzo for the first time, and he bows to him, paimon says something along the lines of "don't bow, he bows to us idiot" before smacking him over the head
Paimon implies ( and outright says) that he should bow to him because he's not worth it, because they're better then them. Richer. Power. Just "better"
However Stolas, continues to treat them like equals even when they're playing. He doesn't look down on Blitzo for being an Imp. But Stolas doesn't acknowledge that they have different lives because Stolas is rich.
He just assumes Blitzo could read, has a education and wants to learn but changes his tune when Blitzo awkwardly stares at him and suggest something else.
In the future right after the whole "omg you slept with someone" happens to Stella.
Stella says "You slept with an Imp in our fucking bed!" now today isn't a discussion of how much of a narcissistic bitch Stella is so we'll leave it out there to chill
BUT Stella says you slept with an Imp. Not a person. But an Imp. STELLA IS THE RACIST ONE BECAUSE SHE ONLY SEES HIM AS AN IMP AND NOT AN ACTUALLY PERSON
(and if you don't see it, imagine saying "I can't believe you slept with a person of colour!" that's basically what Stella said)
Stolas doesn't even acknowledge it, saying he didn't have enough time to get a Motel. Stolas doesn't say anything about Blitzo being "just an Imp" he just talks like he's sleeping with anyone.
You could literally change Blitzo name for anyone else and I'd still work.
But here's the thing, Blitzo is one that see Stolas as a bit of a racist because he thinks Stolas was the one who bought him for a day or so.
Like he thinks Stolas bought him. But it wasn't Stolas. It was Paimon, he bought him so that he won't have to deal with Stolas being upset. Stolas didn't even have a choice in the matter so it wasn't his fault.
But here's how he's UNINTENTIONALLY classist.
AhEm
Literally the entire relationship and dynamics-
Stolas technically bought the IMP services TWICE, once in the trailer/pilot and another in the Loo-Loo Land episode.
Stolas rented Blitzo team out for the day, because Stolas was paying him to do so. He practically bought Blitzo's time.
He looked down on Millie and Moxxie because he really only intented to buy out Blitzo time and not there's. He didn't need protection as we can see at the episodes end, he just bought Blitzo's time for entertainment. FOR ENTERTAINMENT
Stolas initially thought that he was entitled to Blitzo's time because he bought out THE WHOLE BUSINESS SERVICE FOR ONE DAY.
And at the beginning of the Stolas literally says "We're rich and we're hot, people want our money and our bodies" HE'S IMPLIES THAT HE'S SUPERIOR TO EVERYONE ELSE NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE IMPS OR HELL-BORN DEMONS
IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE RICH! AND HE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT!
And then he tells Blitzo that he'll pay him for his time- HE'S LITERALLY THROWING MONEY AT HIS PROBLEMS HOPING IT'LL BE OKAY BECAUSE THAT WHAT HIS DAD DID!
And in the Harvest Moon episode Blitzo defends Stolas because Stolas is literally the secondary breadwinner with in his business. If Stolas dies then Octiva gets the book and then Blitzo doesn't have it, so they can't make money anymore.
Stolas again is in someway shovelling money to stay in someone's life, taking advantage of the fact that Blitzo NEEDS HIM.
But in the episode Truth Speaker, that's when Stolas changes his mindset (all be it, off screen) he realizes when Blitzo is endangered but he can't just throw money at problems and actually has to do something to keep him safe.
This is the first time that he is not thrown money at a problem and it worked.
Moving on in the story Stolas has some on screen and off screen character development, in which the power dynamics and throwing money as every single problem isn't right anymore and it was never right.
Because before then he'd been practically throwing money in the face a not-so-successful-at-the-time Blitzo just for his company.
That was some level of autonomy in that relationship but it was mostly him just throwing money and buying him out and buying his time.
It Highlights the absolute wealth difference between the two characters.
Before the episode Truth Seeker, Stolas was indeed a classist character it may have not been as obvious as some other characters but he was a bit classist at the least.
Before the episode Truth Seekers, Stolas saw Blitzo as somewhat below him, because he could just afford to buy him out. But after realising that he was indeed a person and could be hurt, I believe after that episode is when he actually begun to care.
Ozzie's was the eventual big push for him to get better. It was obvious that Stolas WAS embarrassed to be with Blitzo. And not because he was an Imp like Ozzie implied because Stolas could have just clapped back with "AND TF ABT U BITCH?? HUH?"
No, it's because Ozzie made the Association that since he was with an Imp, then that equals poor, which equals embarrassment, which equates to him asking why did you throw away your marriage for someone who is poor?
Because I don't think Ozzie would have been racist, on stage, infront of other Imps and his Imp boyfriend.
After this episode we can see that he has a change of heart and a change in which he views things. After this episode he realizes that Blitzo's feelings could no longer be bought because he'd made him genuinely upset and there was no amount of money you could throw on that šŸ”„dumpster fire šŸ”„to make it okay
By that point the business was already successful so it was no longer a matter of money.
After this Stolas has some off screen development it seems. Better himself as a person and truly beginning to see equals but as a consequence he had to acknowledge over pain and the sheer power he had in the relationship.
That's when in the episode Oops, Stolas decides to get Big Boss Ozzie-mozzie Crystal to try and end this constant power dynamic and classism that was in their relationship.
I'm in the episode we can Stolas helping out his "equal" when it came down to Fizz. He didn't just turn around and go "well he's an Imp, icky not helping him. I'll come back later"
He sat there through the entire thing helping Ozzie out, not out of obligation. He literally could have left but didn't because he didn't see Fizz as Ozzie's problem, he now saw Fizz as a genuine person.
And the set up to this was great because Ozzie would have had to sign away alot of money to get Fizz out of trouble, and its a nod back at when old him would have probably just threw money at this problem but instead of that he advises his "equal" to NOT throw money at the problem and instead read the entire contract to make sure that everything goes well.
LIKE OLD STOLAS WOULD NOT HAVE CARED ENOUGH TO READ THAT ENTIRE THING, AS MUCH AS HE LOVES WORDS
this act alone not only let Fizz and Blitzo work shit out but also showed the viewer that he had changed for the better, and he was going through character development to not be a dick
And now we're at Full Moon and at this rate Stolas has already had all the necessary character development off-screen to no longer be as classist as he was before, and it's a bit disappointed that this was in highlighted a bit before but you gotta read through the line sometimes
Stolas now sees them as equals. But he hadn't shown Blitzo that. Blitzo is still scared of Stolas and his influence and status and money, last Blitzo check he'd had to spend time looking for Stolas daughter so that he won't be as mad and he won't banned him from the book.
An honestly if he had it his way Blitzo probably never would have went to the human realm to help look for his daughter.
But at that rate it was out of sheer obligation-
And as much as the episode tries to play it off as a gag, Blitzo still has to drop everything to help him out, YES because he does care but also out of fear of losing his only source of income.
So for Stolas to rock up in Full Moon and be like, "I see you as an equal and I love you" WOULD HAVE FUCKED BLITZO SHIT UP
Because all Stolas and his family did was, BUY HIM, BUY HIS TIME AND MAKE HIM FEAR FOR LOSING HIS ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS-
He'd only been inadvertently put down by Stolas not because that was Stolas intention but because that's what is actions gave off in terms of vibes.
And that's why in the Helluva universe Stolas is unintentionally a classist character, to which he didn't know about it UNTIL IT WAS TOO FUCKING LATE-
No I will not be taking question. Yes this took me 30 minutes to write because of my inability to spell. Shush!
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kayvsworld Ā· 4 months ago
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his new wings look so good. his new suit looks SO good. i'm so mad oh my god
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carouselunique Ā· 4 months ago
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Is it true that there's no animosity between you and... you know, you know who. You never talk about her in any way. I guess I'm curious. You guys seemed like really close friends and then just weren't friends at all. And there was some stuff she said that seemed very targeted at you...
I don't know if she feels any animosity toward me or not any more. Our mutual friends have said she doesn't and I take them on their word in that regard, assuming that if they have an answer for me it's because they're aware how she feels. I wouldn't know and it's not my place to put words in her mouth.
I haven't spoken to her/about her in a long time and the only time she even crosses my mind is when people bring her up to me. As for me feeling any animosity? I'll admit my feelings on her these days are complicated and way too nuance-core for people who aren't my friends to hear about but I wouldn't call them animosity in any way. I inherently want people my friends care about to live well because I care about my friends, and anyone my friends care about by proxy and I still share friends with her. I would never wish ill on people my friends care about so animosity doesn't fit into that by definition. I'd say I'm hurt more than anything and even then I've worked through a lot of it with trusted friends who have helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.
(Besides, my own life struggles keep me from even being able to invest time into animosity. I have to expend that energy loving my family, doing my best to support them during our struggles. And I've never been a hateful person it isn't in me. I would rather play 'Hot To Go' by Chappell Roan and teach my dad how to do the hand gestures to help him strengthen his muscles again than focus on hating anyone...)
I try not to think about her because it hurts. I often think that people forget that I'm a real person outside of her sphere, and that I wouldn't want to talk about what happened because I truly did consider her a friend for a long time. And when someone I consider a friend appears to not regard me with care any more suddenly and I don't even have closure on that... well... it hurts... A lot. Of course I never talk about it.
And I'm not stupid, I have seen some stuff she's said that I've gathered was about me. I remind myself that she has a right to vent in her own spaces and I truly mean that... it's just a shame that her own spaces have people who then have taken these things to me to show me (after all, I wouldn't have even seen these things myself if not for third-party anons going 'this u?') saying it is my own fault because I was a terribly cruel friend or my own fault for not listening to warnings about her when I had the chance and that makes me a stupid gullible bitch. You lot haven't seen some of the awful shit about me from some of her more ravenous fans and haters I've seen over the years that I've had to let roll off my back in the fear it would bring backlash - not even to me, to her. I don't want to be the cause of any hatred going to anyone.
Also I'm just not going to ever talk about the details of our fallen friendship or our fallen relationship. That's private. She might be a public person to some extent but I never was, even if I do gain some measure of small fandom for my work one day I'm just private about personal matters especially raw ones. I almost deleted this ask entirely but Idk I never stated that it bothers me when people talk to me about her from my own mouth, so I guess that's what this ramble is.
If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed. I am not a part of her life not even through our mutual friends. I do not know or care what's going on with her public/personal life. I haven't kept up. I will never keep up. Don't treat me as an extension of the situation because I am not in the situation. In the most plainly stated sense of the word: Leave me the Hell alone. (...pretty please.)
All I've wanted this entire time was to be left alone to process everything in a healthy, peaceful way. I'm workin' on it.
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consvm3dwithate Ā· 1 month ago
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shima-draws Ā· 5 months ago
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Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?
#Long story short: Iā€™m quitting my job! Yippee!! šŸŽ‰#Donā€™t wanna get TOO into it but Iā€™m so fucking tired of being treated like shit and getting blamed for things completely out of my control#Iā€™m done. Iā€™ve BEEN done for months at this point#And now itā€™s at the point where my boss doesnā€™t think Iā€™m doing my job right bc she keeps finding issues that again. Arenā€™t my fault#Iā€™m sorry I canā€™t control everything for you! I donā€™t have that kind of power! I canā€™t make things magically happen the way you want!!#My other coworkers have been undergoing the same bullshit treatment so I know Iā€™m not alone#But yeah Iā€™m getting the hell out of dodge. My mental health has been sooooooo bad lately#I cannae. Iā€™m going to end up dead in a ditch at this rate#Had the WORST panic attack of my life yesterday and my mom and I were both like. Yeah. Itā€™s time for you to leave#Have fun running the department without me! Bye!! :)))))#Shima speaks#Vent#Anyway Iā€™m a goddamn mess. Sorry. Lol!#Iā€™m dreading going back to work on Monday I would literally rather claw my own eyeballs out#It SUCKS bc I know none of this is my fault but I still feel like shit anyway.#And I WANT to draw bc itā€™s the one thing that makes me happy but I just#Canā€™t. Right now. Iā€™m not in a good emotional state#It feels like physical torture to sit down at my desk and put my pen to my tablet#Slams my head into the wall#Iā€™m soooo tired girlies. Iā€™m so over it#Anyway. Send me asks. Keep me company while I try not to have another breakdown. Tee hee <3
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puppyeared Ā· 9 months ago
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i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim
#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it#its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me#but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy#hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked#its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags#and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple#its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!!#and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!!#but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is#fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates#but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right'#fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on#yapping
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persy-r-bozo Ā· 4 months ago
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an ā€œIssueā€#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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opikiquu Ā· 7 months ago
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aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE
#ā˜… arin rambles#ā€˜here we go againā€™ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you#AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY#OH MY LORD#OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS.#MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I#AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video#ā€˜it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kidsā€™ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE#I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY#Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute#HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO.#Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever#any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU#IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY#IM COVERED IN DIRT#IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN#oh goodness me oh my#im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick#Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TOā€¦ AAUGHā€¦ AAAHHā€¦ I HAVE TOā€¦. DANCE!#guysā€¦. he my favorrietā€¦#my slinkyā€¦.. my krimpetā€¦ my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything#hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHINGā€¦!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM*#yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW#IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY?#oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut#ly DOOMED#yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton#TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE#i womder how crazy i look right now#Sighs lovingly at him..
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samarecharm Ā· 4 months ago
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If i start posting dc stuff on here, it means i lost the fight w myself. The demons won. Im sorry
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#chattin#realistically i will be making a diff blog for it#bc its. its alot. and i dont want to engage w the fandom via posting#maybe.#but i def dont want to talk to anyone in there#there are so many white people from ohio in that fandom. ill die for real#ive ALWAYS liked bman and supes stuff. i just. well#theres too many comics. its too confusing. theres too many shows. too many contradictions#and really dogshit movies that are too grimdark for me to enjoy#prob the only fandom where i have to cherry pick the things i like out of the main series things#to make a story and set of characters i like wo making it feel overwhelmingly ooc#also. u cannot give me alien characters and NOT make me go insane#but no one is interested in it in the way i am. like w specbio stuff#this is what happenee w d/bz too. like where is the love of making goku a little monkey freak of nature and not Human w Superstrength#all the freaks are hiding from me. where are theyā€¦šŸ„ŗ#i dont care about canon lore for why clark is more human than youd think#thats BORING. more emphasis on the sun affecting him please.#i was about to write some incredibly suggestive specbio shit and realized thats not appropriate in these tags for This post#just know that i care. i care so much. all my alien ocs are weird. and i wanna do the same w supes#and i wanna do the sawe w the little mans#and i want to write humans dealing w the little things that remind them that hes an alien#the kitty eyes glint in the dark. the almost nonexistant heartbeat. standing motionless for hours at a time#weird vocalizations when hes ā€˜sleepingā€™. weird vocalizations that come out when hes happy or spooked#the way he flies. the way hes both indestructible but incredibly lightweight (or dense if u prefer)#ugh#ill make a blog for it. bc its gnawing at my brain now and it wont leave me alone
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maxphilippa Ā· 6 months ago
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uh. vent art. or something. losing yourself and losing everyone who you cared about as a result
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fully-caulked-wagon Ā· 1 month ago
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Posting a few things that I forgot to and had on the backburner. Tried out a couple new pens on ibis x mobile at the beginning of September, so here you go.
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