#learnt not only how to defend myself but be myself in a sense

[shijas]

🥂!

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

I believe brittney doesn't deserve the unrecognization but i want to see relationship hcs about her. Mc/Reader is stoic and stern but can be sweet to her, A type of relationship where brittney is somehow different around Mc (Stealing glances, daily ranting to mc, i just like to think sweet things being happen)

A Gyaru's Rhapsody (Brittney x Stoic and Stern! MC/Reader - Relationship HCs)

Anon, I hope you enjoy, had fun writing for Brit, and I hope you lot enjoy reading it! (“⌒∇⌒”)

Also I do agree she is underrated AF. >:(

Also dw y'all Jess loved Brit as a bsf for life in this. <3

- Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer

Rhapsody: an effusively enthusiastic or ecstatic expression of feeling.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were notorious for being cold and distant.

Hell, even Geo had deemed you icy.

Across the school people had learnt to simply not interact with you, because dear gods above did you master your intimidating death-stares.

Alas, the sole person whom you genuinely got along with, to everyone's surprise?

Brittney-fucking-Claire.

People were astonished, hell, she was astonished when you and her became friends (by your wish).

Usually she's the one who made the rules, who led the charges.

But she doesn't mind.

She personally thought you were intriguing, your personality was that of Geo's and Jess's smushed together, so Brit was shook when you went out of your way to talk to her.

After a while you join the group, becoming somewhat good friends with Crowe, Jess and Deryl while getting a lot closer to Brittney.

She didn't know why, but she felt a strange sense of security around you, she felt safe.

Unjudged.

Free to say how she felt.

You warming up to her - for reasons she still couldn't figure out - along with you being so oddly nice to her made her feel strange.

Eventually she decides it's not a facade and fully accepts your friendship.

Will start splurging all her gossip to you, you want dirt? Tea? Juicy deets? She's got it all.

Starts sharing her skincare routine with you (only shared this info with Jess so you better keep it secret pookie).

Soon enough you and her start going to facials and hair salons together, then do manicures and pedicures, then each other's homes.

Essentially you worm your way into her heart, and she's worried.

She'd not felt this strongly for someone in a long fucking time.

But...you'd proven to her repeatedly by this stage you were trustworthy...that you genuinely cared about her.

It slowly creeps up on her, the realisation that she's fallen for you, hell she didn't even crush on you, she fucking fell so hard she doesn't wanna get up.

She'll ask Crowe for information about you, and then advice.

He becomes a wingman frfr

Crowe will have to drop hints for you to confess, so when you finally do (btw congrats Anons, doing that shit sounds hard), Brittney just nods briskly. "Brit...I. Like. You." "Yeah, I like myself too." (liar) "Romantically. I...wanna be with you. Genuin-" "Yes."

When you both start dating, Brittney would have already been comfortable with you to the stage of being able to talk about literally anything (y'all love shittalking the nastier girls at Olympieus)

Also defends you from bullies, and will protect you if she deems it necessary (she always will, any excuse to hit those girls is a good one)

However, she becomes much more possessive.

Not to an extent where she'll restrain you.

She will simply fight anyone who dares try and steal you from her (spoiler alert, she wins)

When one of you is sad, you have an unspoken ritual to grab vodka, go to the others' house and rant, ramble and rave on about your problems.

Banger form of therapy.

Brit will also help you study if you need it, she's willing to take notes for you, hell, even tutor you if absolutely needed.

Will also give you #girlboss treatment

You both go out looking badass.

And you have the most fun ever. In short, you're both devoted to each other. And you're both more than happy to keep it that way.

[oxpogues4lifexo]

Keeping up with the Camerons

— My Alternative Ideas —

This is my WHAT IF's of my show and how different it would've been if I had stuck with my original plans. Happy halfway mark to KuwtC!!!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

• The Characters

I wanted to write them all as they were in the show that’s why they never stuck to my original ideas.

Ward: The nicest man on the island. I was hoping to keep him as the loving father everyone knows and loves until the last episode where all hell breaks loose. Except that didn’t end up happening because then the show wouldn’t have been interesting or real.

Rose: The caring mother. I wanted to write Rose like how she is in the actual show. She cares about the girls and somewhat Rafe but wouldn’t fight for him. Except I was going to write her as the woman everyone went to for help. She cared for everyone no matter what, and even Bella and Callum. But I didn’t because defending Callum is wrong and if she doesn’t like Rafe she’d never like him. Also it just felt right to write her the way I did because she just gives off posh snobby vibes and I wanted to accentuate that!

Rafe: The disobedient kid. I wrote him exactly how I wanted to. Except I wanted him to be the one to stand up for Bella. Not the one to shy away and not help. I didn’t write him like that because then it took away from the last episode. I wrote him to do the things he did for a reason. Everything I write has a reason. It all comes out in the last episode!

Sarah: The princess. I was going to write her in as a main character. As Bella’s best friend and her and Rafe got along. I don’t really know why I didn’t it’s just I never really got many scenes of Sarah in obx where I actually learnt something about her (my opinion anyways) so I found it difficult to involve her like I did Rafe as I don’t know as much and wouldn’t do her justice!

Wheezie: The quiet yet optimistic one. She’s the same. She always was even when I planned it a few months ago. She’s the only character I’d write the same way through and through.

Bella: The sweetheart. I wrote Bella exactly how I planned her. Shes my original character. I know her inside and out. I know things about her I’ve never written because I think about her a lot. I’ve written other fics, not on here, for myself. And she’s always been the main character. So it only felt right making her this one. It made writing it alittle easier.

Callum: The jerk. I never meant for him to turn out that way. I never think when I write I just let my mind lead the way and the first sentence I got with him taught me how he was going to be. I wanted him to be the overprotective big brother. The one who wouldn’t let anyone touch her or look at her. I wish I did write him that way, I regret not! It’s one of my only regrets from writing the show. But there wouldn’t have been a plot if I hadn’t made atleast one of the characters problematic and no one cared about Callum because he’s a made up OC I thought about on the spot! So it only made sense changing him and not someone like Rafe or Rose when that wouldn’t be accurate.

Topper & Kelce: The best friends. Yep they’re the same. I meant for them to be the side pieces but they ended up playing a big part and I actually like it that way! It gives me more personalities to play with. They’re how I view them in the show. Toppers always been caring but makes stupid decisions when provoked, and Kelce is the funny one who doesn’t have a single brain cell. (Again just my opinion)

JJ Maybank: The Pogue. He was meant to play a big role. I wanted him to be Bella’s actual best friend. Not Rafe. But I thought then it wouldnt be about the Camerons and no one would care because Bella’s someone none of you know and it wouldnt make sense to just cut to them when they aren’t in the family. But even though I did cut him out from a lot of scenes I still wanted him in it way more than he was. So stay tuned for upcoming episodes! That’s regret number 2.

John B Routledge: The Girlfriend Stealer. I expected him to be the one in it the least. I didn’t expect for him to be in a whole episode and a half. But there would’ve only been half the episode if I didn’t write someone like him in to fill up the gaps. I wanted him to just be wherever JJ was as I was hoping JJ would’ve been the main Pogue in the story. But things change and it worked out so here we are!

Kiara & Pope: The others. I never intended to write them in and I haven’t. Pope has nothing to do with the Camerons. His father wouldn’t have let him be. And Kiara wants nothing to do with Rafe. She wouldn’t be in it like John B was because then it wouldn’t make sense if I’m following from the actual show.

Bella’s Mum and Dad: The Dead Couple. Well I know her mums not dead but you get the idea. I wanted them to be in the picture. Or well the dad anyways. I always find it easier writing stories where the parents aren’t involved. But I never like not having any at all. But the fact we had Rose and Ward already in the story I didn’t need more. And to make the characters more interesting to you all I wanted to get rid of their parents. It also meant she got along well with John B as they’re in the same boat. Same as Sarah and Rafe hence why that’s how they met in the first place and why Rafe’s so sympathetic towards her. It makes the storyline what it is! The mum idk. I have no idea what she would’ve been like because she would’ve been gone either way. But the dad I was going to make him Wards best friend. He would’ve been the one to look after Bella and discipline Callum but then where's the show?? Also he would’ve been going through shit because the mum left so that’s why they had to stay with Ward for a while. Because he trusts him. But none of that happened because again the show is about the Camerons and it wouldn’t have made for the plot I’ve planned out!

• Relationships

Topper and Sarah: The Kook Couple. I originally wasn’t even going to write them together. I actually don’t know why not I thought it would’ve just been different but because I did it meant we got the whole John B arc aswell.

John B and Sarah: The Troubles. I wasn’t planning to make them like each other at all. But after I had to involve John B in the situation it just made sense to because it meant more story to write and more show to read for you all.

Rafe and Sofia: Ugh. I was going to make them a couple. Thats it. I wanted more characters in the show and she made sense. But then it wouldn’t have made for the tensions coming up in upcoming episodes.

Rafe and Bella: I wanted them to end up together at some point. But in my head, the person Bella is and the shit they both go through, a relationship between the two of them is the last thing they want. It’s the only thing they have left and they can’t ruin it.

Bella and JJ: I was going to make this a thing. From day one. The first episode. I wanted to write in all the tensions of them liking each other but not being able to show it around their friends because they aren’t supposed to like each other. The build up. Them finally saying yes etc. But once again, it’s not about them and also it wouldn’t have made sense for the amount JJ’s actually in the show anymore.

Topper and Bella: I know. Just wanted some tensions in the group when everyone found out lmao. Because I’m an angst enthusiast you see! But thought Bella isn’t like that and she wouldn’t do that to Rafe even though there’s nothing there.

• The Episodes

I was hoping on doing like 12 episodes for the first season. But when making the leaked footage I realised you can only add 10 pictures and I couldn’t be bothered to argue if I’m being honest lmao. But also 12 for someone like me who’s never committed to a big project like this was too many so I settled with 8. Normal for a first season anyways I’d say.

Episode 1: Kildare Royalty. I wrote it how I wanted it. I expected it to be longer however. But I didn’t know if anyone would read it and it’s the first episode which is never normally very long for tv shows. I’m very proud of the first episode though. I love how it turned out as it’s exactly how I imagined it! And you all loved it so thank you!!

Episode 2: A Helping Hand. Basically everything that happened I had planned except the conversations on the boat would’ve been the conversations in Wards office. I’m really happy with how it turned out to be honest I'm just upset it took so long because a lot of people stopped reading my work and it was a little bit of a shock when I didn’t get many likes compared to the first.

Episode 3: Life Inside The Bubble Wrap. I didn’t have high hopes for this episode. Like I already said I don’t really have a good grasp of Sarah’s character so it was a struggle for me to come up with a whole episode that would live up to the one previous. That’s why I ended up copying from the actual show. Overall as an episode I didn't mind it, except I don't remember a single thing that happened other than the huge argument at the end. Oops. I'm not surprised it didn't do as well.

Episode 4: Prince and Princess. For this episode I really just wanted to experiment with Bella and Rafe’s relationship. Which I did! I wanted to show who Rafe could be when he’s with the right person. And I wanted to get real deep into their pasts and their feelings. I loved this episode because it was set in a completely different place and the angst was just MWAH. And it was all about Rafe.

Episode 5, 6, 7, and 8: I have these planned out. There's always just been a rough plan for them all. Obviously by the names of them you can gather; 5 is about Rose, 6 is about Wheezie, 7 is where the shit begins to hit the fan and 8 is a total rollercoaster. I'm happy with my ideas for the rest of the season but I know for sure I will not be going along with my original plan since its gone off course a while ago. I will say however, my original idea for the last episode, it would be the end of the show completely, so all problems would be resolved and everyone would live happily ever after. Spoiler alert, that doesn't happen. I wanted there to be room for more, I love writing and this has been my gateway, I don't want it to end so if people like it enough and want more then there's room to make more.

• The Plot:

At first I wanted it to be a very open show. I mean like they travel around the island (the camera crew) and just ask people like the Pogue's what they think about the Cameron's. Meanwhile the Cameron's would just be going about their day to day life. There wasn't going to be much to it and Bella and Callum weren't going to be a thing. But I'm glad I changed my mind. I'm glad I added structure and an actual storyline and I'm glad I added Bella and Callum. I didn't want to just copy the real show and make it all about the Kooks and Pogues hating each other. Although it is based around that it isn't my main focus and I'm glad I decided to do it that way. When deciding to add Bella and Callum, my first thoughts were to bring them in as extras to speak about the Cameron's but they wouldn't be at the house all the time. I never had a clear idea of a plot so what it is now is pretty much my first idea.

• Seasons:

Originally like I said already, I was going to make it a one season show but now I have written half and knowing how its going to go, I like the idea of having more episodes to write. The next season will consist of resolving the issues of these season 1 episodes and also all the characters rekindling or breaking up their relationships with one another. That could be anyone from Ward to JJ to Topper etc. I want it to be more of a, see how it goes, kind of season and just have fun with it. Maybe it be less angsty and more fluff this time around. I don't know I want season 2 to be a more follower based season where you all give me ideas for the episodes or you guide me almost. I'd like that alot.

Any other questions or things you wanted to know let me know! Thank you for reading and showing so much love to the series so far!! Almost 100 likes on the trailer is insane so thank you!!! 💕

Episode 5 is in the works!!!

Taglist: @viawritesstuff @mymelodylvr @rafeinterlude @cerya @aariahnaa @nativegirltapes @b1mb0slvt @irlfaixry

[animeyanderetalker]

So you finished enies lobby eh? How’s ur one piece journey so far, and do you have any brief thoughts on the straw hats (so far)?

I’m giving you my honest review here because as much as I like the series so far, I also have my fair share of stuff I don’t enjoy.

I adore the world in One Piece. I’ve been a big fan of Pirates of the Caribbean as a child and I have always wished back then that I would see Jack Sparrow exploring all mysterious islands and finding all treasures. I got that with One Piece but even better. Each island feels unique and whilst there are definitely pacing problems at times even this early for me, I do love the aspects of exploring each individual island and learning about the rules, the environment and the life of the people calling it their home. I know that the Skypiea Arc isn’t that beloved amongst Anime fans but I really loved the arc due to the unique and interesting setting the island in the sky had. From its past to the inventions to the way people live in the sky, everything has so much personality and that has been the case with every major island so far. The sense of adventure and curiosity I always get whilst getting to know a new island is really addictive and I love the foreshadowing. The fact that the end of the Going Merry had already been hinted during the Skypiea Arc but was only revealed during the Water 7 Arc is insane and from what I have heard, Oda is great in foreshadowing and I’m looking forward to that.

What I find myself struggling with, and I don’t know if the Anime is partially exaggerating this sometimes, are the characters itself at times and the, in my opinion, lukewarm comedy that gets very repetitive and boring after a while.

Luffy:

I am actively struggling with the main character at times. Luffy is quite carefree, impulsive and does whatever he wants and it is not even that this is what I dislike about him. He has such heartfelt moments such as giving Nami his straw hat during the Arlong Park Arc despite the hat being a treasure for him or him defending the pirate flag of Chopper during the Drum Island Arc. It’s just that he sometimes is portrayed as so amazingly incompetent and stupid that I am agonizing over it. How can you get stuck twice within the same arc in between two walls and then spend episodes there whilst your friends are trying to save Robin?? Him being a glutton is expected, older Shounen protagonists just seem to have a habit of having a black hole instead of a stomach. I also still don’t understand how he learnt Gear 2 and 3 in such a short time considering that I cannot recall a time where he had time to properly train.

Roronoa Zoro:

I have very little to criticize about Zoro. Luckily his character gag of always getting lost isn’t something that is thrown into my face every episode so I can tolerate it. He’s a man of honor and I like seeing him on screen, but I’m still waiting for that one moment of him where I go from liking him to loving him. I also feel like he suffered in the Enies Lobby Arc from being paired with uninteresting opponents to fight against (Kaku and Jabra).

Nami:

I love and hate Nami at the same time. But the reason why I hate her isn’t even her own fault. As a character I love how she isn’t someone who is actively fighting and has admittedly not the most interesting fights but without her literally nothing would work. As a navigator she is irreplaceable and without her skills the Straw Hats would go nowhere. Her backstory was also heartbreaking but Oda seems quite skillful when it comes to writing a good and tragic backstory. The reason why I hate her though is because she has become more and more a victim of sexualization the further the story has progressed and I just know that it’ll get even worse. I have seen the pictures of her after the timeskip and it is so infuriating because she didn’t look like this at the beginning of the story. The freaking scene in the Arabasta Arc where she was sexualized from a camel and a crab was a different low for me because it’s the first time I have seen animals thirsting over a female character.

Usopp:

Usopp is a character I also find myself struggling with. On the one hand his creativity and his craftsmanship are to be admired. This is a man who invented Nami’s Clima-Tact and was the shipwright before Franky joined. On the other hand his character gags of being the big coward can get a little bit tiring after a while for me. I really loved the Water 7 Arc because it showed him in a much more serious light which was a nice change for once. And I am going to be quite honest here with you, I did not enjoy the whole Sogeking sequence. I understand that he was too ashamed to face his friends after he had left the crew but it got a tad bit annoying to me after a while. I was also not surprised that Luffy and Chopper were the only ones who didn’t recognize him in his disguise.

Vinsmoke Sanji:

I actually really enjoyed Sanji’s character when he was first introduced. I admired his ideology of not letting anyone starve due to his own experience of being stranded on an island without much food and the relationship he had going on with Zeff and the other chefs was heartwarming. However, his simp character has significantly increased since then to the point where it has gotten frustrating and annoying. I remember that scene in the Skypiea Arc where the Going Merry was kidnapped with a few crew members still onboard. And the first thing that left Sanji’s mouth then was that he was disappointed that Nami wasn’t in bikini anymore. I think that is the moment where I started not liking his character as much anymore and from what I have heard, it’ll become a lot more worse. It’s really disappointing in my opinion because he could be such a cool character but around women he is always reduced to a simp with heart eyes.

Tony Tony Chopper:

Chopper is adorable and I love his versatile forms he can use with his Rumble Ball. But I just wish that the show would actually give him more recognition because the 50 Berries he has on his head as of now and the fact that he was called a pet on those wanted posters is saddening. Because not only can he actually fight because he took down one of the CP9 members but he is the doctor of the ship and fulfills such an important role because of it. He is more than just a cute little animal and I hope that will be more recognized.

Nico Robin:

Robin is as of now my favorite character and I have literally nothing I can criticize about her. She is intelligent, her backstory is my favorite as of now and I love how her character also shows that it isn’t only pure strength alone that can be dangerous in the eyes of others but also intelligence. She was wanted for simply knowing how to read Poneglyphs. I’m also happy that she hasn’t been sexualized in the Anime so far and I pray to god that she won’t get the Nami treatment later on. I also love her dark and blunt sense of humor.

Franky:

Franky is incredibly likable. He is as of now the newest member of the Straw Hats so I have not as much to say about him but he is also a well built character with a nice introduction. The relationship he had going on with Iceberg and his past with Tom were well written and despite his rowdy experience he has a heart made out of gold. The fact that he took all outsiders in Water 7 under his wings and gave them a new home and purpose says really all you need to know about him and I’m looking forward to seeing more of him.

[c0rinarii]

Gonna recompile some thoughts about the 13SAR characters now that im past midpoint!

Juro: Oh its getting juicy.... unfortunately my boy is still as intresting as a plank of sheet wood but im intrested to see if his character goes anywhere outside of the Kyuta stuff going on. Im also sorry i ever suggested to u to make out with Kyuta.

Iori: SHE'S SO FUNNY.... I aspire to have even an inch of her whimsy and dedication to being so #normal. I too would like to confess to my weird as hell crush disregarding the fact he's a dangerous fugitive. Girl of All Time

Shuu: Frat bot facade is slowly starting to crumble and im here to see it. Uncover the truth, gayboy‼️

Megumi: I FEEL SO SORRY FOR U GIRL.... 😭 May you find peace in the future but its an overall shitty situation to be in. truly have her in my thoughts and prayers

Natsuno: I WAS SO HEARTBROKEN TO SEE HER WHIMSY FADE AWAY ONCE SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE KAIJU 😭😭 I love that she managed to maintain her optimism despite the awful situation she's been put in though. Still a joy to see pop up on the screen

Keitaro: HE REALLY IS A GOOD BOY... He's just trying his best and i love him for that. You'll save everyone you care about i promise [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND TAKATOSHI!! I SWEAR]

Takatoshi: Boys be fighting demons and demons is bisexuality. I enjoy him a Regular amount and i appreciate seeing his himboisms so much in the game. I never want to seem him That sad again [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND KEITARO!! I SWEAR]

Okino:

Yuki: MY PRINCE.... MY SHINING STUD‼️‼️ I love her a very normal ammount and seeing her slowly uncover the truth is nice to see. Definetily much smarter than she think she is.

Gouto: The fact that he is ong for real Ryoko's government assigned boyfriend is the funniest thing to come out of the game so far. He's still gated behind a huge completion milestone but so far i feel like he's trying to make sense of the situation the best he can. Unlike Tomi though, he's very scared of the circumstances of if he disobeys orders, i think.

Ryoko: She's been such a mood so far that i now think of her with her hands on her head when i stress about my uni deadlines. Im so sorry for Ida being anywhere near her life. She should get a wife to kiss and heal her. I give her full permission to kill anyone who breaks her heart. My snarky queen

Ei: HE ACTUALLY GREW ON ME I CANT BELIEVE IT. He really reminds me if the cool rivals with a soft spot you'd see in shonen anime and I cant be too mad at that. I enjoy how taciturn he can be too.

Nenji: HE'S ACTUALLY SUCH A SWEETHEART... knowing that he was childhood friends with Miwako really made me like him more (esp with how he treats her!) Loveable idiot.

Tomi: MY MUTUAL... OOMF IN ARMS... #GIRL IN LAW. Literally love how's she's written her personality is so so colorful. She has definitely said some out of pocket shit on twitter before and ill defend her with my life.

Miwako: I WILL WRITE YOU INTO RELEVANCY MYSELF‼️‼️There is so much oppurtunity to write her as one of the 15. LET THEM BE 16‼️‼️ HER "easy to develop crushes" SELF CAN BE MADE INTO SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER TO THE NARRATIVE RAUGHHH

Chihiro: I can see she's really trying her best to save everyone from the kaiju and seems to resort to any means neccesary to do so... i appreciate the effort despite the uh. [gestures] unethical treatment towards minors ig

Ida: EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY UR FAULT. I CANT BELIEVE IT. This would be half the disaster if you learnt how to sod it with ur selfish desires i swear.

Kyuta, Not-Tamao, 426, Izumi: I CLOCKED UR SHIT, SNEAKY BITCH. I dont trust a word you say. """"Means well"""" in the end i think but has way more messed up ways to go around it compared to Morimura

Miyuki: So far looking like the only person willing to help these kids in a way that would not give them severe trauma. Rooting for u girl.

[No thoughts on Tamao since i consider Erika as 426]

[kasu-m1]

Kasumi ♠️:

Basics :

-Name : Kasumi

-surname : Tenshiro

-age : 20

- birth date : 13 june

-Gender : woman

-sexuality : straight

Appearance :

-height : 160 cm

-weight : 54 kg

- hair : short, straight & black

- eyes : left : grey ish blue (scarred)/ right : black (minnow)

-skin : pale beige

-body type : rather muscular

(Here’s a some art I made !)

Personality :

- best at ♠️ games

- first impression : cold, distant, quiet, serious

- beliefs : doesn’t really believe in any god but believes in life after death

- fav color : purple n blue

- greatest strength : physical

- greatest weakness : social interactions (lmao)

- pessimistic realistic

- introvert

- skilled : armed and hand-to-hand combats

- unskilled : collaborating with others

Game skills :

Best at ♠️

Good at ♦️

Okay ish at ♣️

Least good at ♥️

More random details

- she’s ambidextrous (can use both hands equally well and doesn’t have a dominant hand)

- chews on fingernails (not really because of stress but she developed the habit of doing it)

- often cracks her knuckles and neck sometimes without even realizing

- high pain tolerance (this will make sense when you read the story)

- gives off cyber like vibes (kinda like the banner)

- she can analyze people quite accurately but when it comes to social interactions with new people, oof

- she’s awkward. And no not the “omg she’s so awkward cutie”, more like the “can look you dead in the eyes without talking for 38 mins” awkward.

- sarcasm is like a coping mechanism for her. Thing is sometimes it actually takes time for people to get it because of how serious she looks

- has a soft spot for cats but will NEVER show or admit it.

- she does talk more to people she considers as “friends”

- always wears a hairpin that her sister gave her (on the pic)

- the scars on her left and her right cheek are due to some street fights she had.

Lore

“You were an amazing person. Then you became my saddest memory.”

Before the Bordelands

Kasumi’s pov

I was too young to remember my parent’s divorce but from what she told me it was a hard moment.

Mother is mean. She doesn’t care about us and she doesn’t love us like mothers do, but she told me that mother is mean because she’s aching, because she misses dad. Even when he hits her. So she’s the one who takes care of me. My real mom.

My sister, she raised me and gave me the love I needed from a mother who didn’t care about me, about both of us. She played the role of a parent I never had and she sweet oh so sweet. I never thought so much sweetness could turn bitter so quickly.

One day coming home from school at thirteen, I expected the usual greeting when I entered my sister’s room. Her caring gaze and her comforting arms. But I got neither. What I got was her cold, lifeless body hanging from the ceiling light.

What happened next was fast and blurry.

I think I screamed, my mother entered the room and she was equally shocked. Police came next. They tried to talk to me but I wasn’t responsive. A part of me died with her that day.

~

After that, my mother tried to make things “right” with me. I hated it, only her death made her realize how awful she’s been ?

I lost what I cared about and I wanted to join her, but I couldn’t.

“…Kasu, live on for me. You’ll do amazing, or at least better than me at life. I love you…”

So I kept living by that line.

At 18 I got involved with the Yakuzas, I learnt how to defend myself and how real physical pain felt.

I was 20 then, when it occurred. The fireworks.

Borderlands :

3rd person pov

At first, she was extremely confused, and a bit panicked. But she quickly understood the way games worked.

Working her way through each games and soon finding the Beach, the Utopia in this cruel world.

Trouble was only starting.

She would spend most of her time roaming around alone in the beach. But soon came the time where she had to play a game to keep living.

She was sent to play with Chishiya since their skills were apparently a fit. She had physical strength and he had the intelligence. Their game was tag.

They won without much problem.

Relationships :

- Arisu : she finds him smart and fine to hangout with since he doesn’t speak that much. They both played games together and she finds him to be… useful.

- Usagi : almost the same as Arisu though she doesn’t speak with her as much for some reasons. She really admire her climbing skills.

- The hatter : he is… a bit too loud and weird. She doesn’t really like hanging out around him but she tolerates him.

- Aguni : she respects him but doesn’t like him. She tries to stay out of his way though to not have problems with the militants

- Niragi : she hates his loud self but respects him as a militant. She finds him to be overly annoying though. (Bonus : she sometimes wished to fight hand-to-hand against him if he wasn’t so crazy.)

- Kuina : she enjoys her presence. She surprisingly finds her talkativeness to be quite pleasant (probably because she doesn’t have to interact with anyone else when Kuina’s there). She considers her as a good acquaintance. (Also wishes to try and fight her someday in a friendly way).

- Chishiya : she feels… conflicted. She has trouble reading him and hates that stupid smirk of his for that. Even so, she ends us spending quite some time with him because she sticks around Kuina when she’s not alone, roaming. She doesn’t particularly hates him but doesn’t trust him that much. (Bonus : she finds his intelligence impressive but would never admit it)

- Ann : She is positive about her, she like the way she deals with the games and everything in general. But most of all, she loves her seriousness and professionalism in every situation.

-mun 🩻🫀

[swimmingclassicrockpizzawombat]

TW: abuse and suicide and SH

It's also earie how much I've been connecting to their stories even though my absue never went as far.

Even my dynamics with my brother are somewhat similar.

Specially that Erick was ORIGINALLY planning to end his life after his parents forbid him from moving away to college... as that was his only escape plan.

I have never told anyone this but my first suicide attempt was at 17 and it happened because I didn't get into any college... and college was my only escape plan. I refused to live another year in hell.

A big part of the reason I moved to another country for college was to escape my family and get as far away from their abuse. Even now I feel like my parents have full control over me financially.

Now imagine being in HIS situation where his dad is a millionaire with influence.

I would never kill my parents but I know that feeling of hopelessness and feeling you have no other choice. Feeling stuck in an abusive home envieonment you can't escape from and then having all your plans ripped from you. And it's a very real feeling.

I was terrified of my dad. I still have flashbacks of the one time he caught me self harming and how violent he got and how terrified I was.

Of him coming home from work and slamming or breaking stuff. Me and my brother get flashbacks from loud noises like slamming doors or fireworks to this day. We learnt to recognize people by the sound of their footsteps out of fear.

I learn to read my mom and I could predict when she was gonna slap me. I knew when I defended myself if I'd taken it too far and a slap/smack was coming.

We knew, as well as every latino kid in the neighborhood what a belt sounded like and what the procedure was. You get down on your knees, lift your shirt, clench your teeth and take it.

And yes my brother and I don't like each other but we do have a sense of kinship because of this.

I remember one time my brother stepped in and stopped my mom from hitting me with a belt as I was already in full position to take it.

You LEARN to fear your parents and you feel trapped.

They bought the shotguns because they genuinely thought their dad was gonna kill them. People aroun them teatified

As an abuse victim I can recognize another abuse victim. I make light of my trauma but I can't actually talk about it without hyperventilating and having a panic attack. And to have people say they were faking that when there is so much evidence in their favor just because they were men and men don't get abused is wild to me.

[lassair-crackle]

I have spent a lot of time working on myself. I would like to think I am a better person than I was a “decade” ago. 

I have learnt to be considerate. 

I have a handle on my temper, so I only unleashed it on people that deserve it. 

I have learned to forgive, others and myself.

But when my gut tells me a party member seems to only bring more hurt into the world…

She literally incited a wizard to get lost in the sauce. She knew that would only lead to madness; she knew that path would only leave to a lich that kills hundreds of people.

She has been isolated from society, so I get she doesn’t think/ have the same priorities as everyone else. I know she doesn’t mean harm, that she just wishes to understand our fucked up universe. I know we need all the allies we can get. I promised her father to take care of her. 

But we already tried talking sense into her. 

We have tried that so many times…

I am not sure how many more times I can bear to try diplomacy.

I wish I knew how to open her eyes to all the suffering she is bringing.

We don’t have the luxury to be defending or enabling this. There is a line, and she is crossing it.

I have already given up so much to fix everything, I won't let a selfish brat ruin our chances. 

I just hope I am not making old mistakes again.

[kunthug]

it’s an incredibly alienating experience to be going through an experience that is so peculiar to you and you alone, (& i don't believe it is) my hope increases now to be blessed with a plenitude of time and attention from a more knowing and secure spiritual family in the future because there has to be someway of letting these things happen in less violent ways that leaves me so vulnerable and at the mercy of people who say what i'm articulating "doesn't make sense" or immediately classify things so clinically as euro-centric living has taught them to do. i'm hardly ever wrong, even when it takes years to show. y'all never heard of clairvoyance from jumping through time?

i am having to defend my experiences so much, experiences that are too coincidental and too real to be merely going through some episode. myself, i've learnt to stop looking for clarity. if a whole Ọrúnmìlà Baba Ifá, Olúwo ogbón ikíní has plunged into the mysteries of life thousands of years ago and found some inexplicable things to be more foolish the more wisdom and clarity sought, then i have left mysteries as mysteries. this life that holds so many years of evil is as foolish as foolish gets, and sometimes it’s best to not continue to poke, especially since i’ve seen how most of it was the foolishness of man in action.

it is unfortunate too, that people and the people around me take my words at surface value. this is not surprising when divining has also confirmed that this how people take me. before, these things used to ache, but knowing how scarce time and access to me is going to be, i'm not even bugging after this. honestly let this be the last time i waste breath on how people treat me. people only believe things after they have been bitten by what you were warning them about. people only pay attention when blessings come, when they see you flexing and balling which is again so unfortunate when i've offered insights and access when they had access 2 me. but then again, even blood relations & strangerz will see you swimming in goodness and say you did juju (that does not exist in the way people think it does).

so what even is the point of being energetically or emotionally tied to anybody or anything that is not standing where you are standing? I'M OVER IT!

i am incredibly proud of my bravery, excited and both terrified for what is ahead because lmao you don’t wrestle with death many times and lose, go through the compounded mystical i went through and not have a wilder and even more mysterious life ahead. last week i was very physically convinced i couldn’t do any of this anymore, and somehow i’m still there, AND i want pampering please. orun match up my aspirations, let me cackle when the wordz & access not free no more but also just really being so focused on the shit i'm building to not give one fuck. AIRPLANE MODE PART II.

😫😫😫 no more Ògbójú Ọdẹ nínú Igbó Ayéìkà yìí. an awo who is suffering is not real, neither r they a real one. i'm serious orun.😫

lately, life fucked me in the ass in the most violently delightful queer way but i took it, laughing for most of it. i want to know about these laughterzz. why?

what does this mean ?

who have i become ?

i don’t know what do with a newer capacity to feel pain, pleasure, rage, lust and ecstatic fantasy all at the same time but i do know i am hungrier and even more dangerous. more dangerous than when life fucked me in the puss puss.

i sucked my own dick so hard the divine said let me show you something ?! what has been done????? omooooooo sweet divine let my search for answers and time henceforth be osunfied sweet mothers rain on me 💦✨🍀🤧��🤲🏿😭🤱🏾🍯🌻💍👑🐒🦭🦩🪸🌷🌼🌸

[iwa-ch4n]

pairing; xiao x gn!reader

word count; 1031

description; xiao has always been adamant not to show weakness, emotion or vulnerability. you somehow manage to worm yourself through to him anyway

warnings; none, just some tender fluff with xiao

----

The calm, warm air of the Wangshu Inn enveloped you as you returned after a long day - well, two days - out in the wilderness. Normally, you’d go out for the day and return to your room in the evening, but you had been forced to camp out outside after a hilichurl attack left you too weak to walk and too afraid to venture further in the darkness.

But you managed to get back, and after fending off Verr Goldet’s concern at the cuts and bruises that covered you head to toe, you got back to your room to bandage yourself up and regain your strength, warmth flowing through you as you thought about the boss’s message to you.

“By the way, Xiao has been on the top floor balcony for longer than usual. I get the feeling he’s waiting for you”

No matter how tired you were, you couldn’t deny visiting the adeptus, who preferred to be alone and yet had only objected your company the first time you met. So you made the short treck up the stairs, finding him in his usual spot, leaning against the balcony railing.

"Verr Goldet says you've been waiting for me," you said as a form of greeting, and he didn’t flinch at your sudden voice. He never did. You often wondered if he could sense your presence, or if his hearing was so acute he could hear your soft footsteps approaching.

"I don't know where she got such an idea from," he responded, though not harshly, gaze still fixed on the distant outline of the mountains.

"You don't have to admit it, Xiao. I'm just happy you missed me," you laughed, slowly walking closer to him.

"I didn't miss you. You didn't come back last night, and I was," he faltered for a moment, barely able to accept the emotion, let alone admit it out loud. But he’d started the sentence now, so he resolved to spit it out, "worried."

You didn’t know what to say to that, so you simply leant against the railing next to him, meeting his eyes for the first time that night. He scanned over you, your slightly messy bandages, processing your injuries.

"It seems rightfully so," he continued, turning his head away again, "you mortals are so frail, and yet you constantly pick fights."

"I'll have you know the hilichurls were the ones that picked a fight with me. As well as the treasure hoarders I ran into on the way back," you defended, watching one of his eyebrows tilt up slightly.

"You got beaten up this badly by some hilichurls?"

If you hadn’t known him better, his tone would have sounded condescending, another allusion to human weakness and fragility. But you did know him, and you knew it wasn’t mocking; it was disbelief. You were a capable adventurer and fighter, usually finding no trouble in fighting hilichurls, and you felt a warmth in your chest that he acknowledged this, no matter how indirectly.

"I think I fought more hilichurls yesterday than I have in the rest of my life combined," you admitted, turning to meet his eyes. You watched every subtle flicker of emotion - worry, pain, affection. It always astounded him how you could read him like a book; he had spent millennia building up walls, yet it seemed you’d picked the lock to a door he didn’t know existed and waltzed right in. And yet, when you read him, you never read him aloud. He was not a poem or a play, his emotions not the story of a storyteller. If anything, they were a personal letter, one to read in privacy and stash under your pillow, replying only with your own letter, a look in your own eyes.

"Call me. Next time you're in trouble,” he managed, finally looking away from you. The image of you struggling alone against a crowd of hilichurls made his heart twist and bend painfully, and emotion he didn’t think he wanted to name or understand.

"I'll have you know I can handle myself fine on my own," you replied lightly, ignoring the sting of your bandaged wounds. 

"You could've died," he stated, but with none of the usual nonchalance nor anger with which he usually spoke about death. His voice was soft. He sounded almost pained at the idea. He was so well acquainted with endings, the mortality of humans nothing new to him, as inevitable and unimportant as a tree branch having an end. But you were different. He didn’t want to ask himself why.

"And how will you know when I'm calling you, huh?"

Xiao willingly showing vulnerability was a delicate situation, a tightrope you had just about learnt to walk across. You kept the atmosphere light, offering slight joking comments, encouraging him to continue without pushing him too far.

"Don't concern yourself with that. Just... When you're in trouble, say my name. I'll be there," he insisted, meeting your eyes once again. You didn’t think you’d ever seen his expression so gentle before, and it forced a lump into your throat and a small smile onto your face.

"One condition," you said, and he didn’t have to agree for you to know he was ready and listening. The condition was a risk; you were willingly jumping off the tightrope and praying for a soft landing. But walking the rope showed no signs of getting you to the floor, and your heart was longing to be grounded, "kiss me."

Xiao remembered a great deal of his long life, but he did not remember the last time he moved so desperately, catching his lips on yours. The kiss was soft, only lasting a moment, but it still left you breathless, heart beating faster than ever or perhaps stopped altogether. You stared at him in wonder as he stayed close, your noses only millimeters apart, his eyes scanning every inch of your face in admiration.

"Xiao," was all you could manage to say, barely a whisper against his lips, bringing his attention back to your eyes.

"I'm here."

You knew him well enough to know that that was his way of saying ‘I love you’.

[b000mbayah]

Bully!Itzys reaction to prime victim talking back

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

Yeji

The awful sound of another chair being scraped up to my desk is ear twitching to say the least, but I keep my focus.

"Y/n" her voice is noticeable amongst the crowded classroom, irritation is evident within the words of which she had called upon.

I look up, my hands keeping in place of where my eyes had left the textbook. "I beg your pardon" I smile lightly as she glares at me with hatred.

"Quit it" she speaks with authority, thinking she has a saying in what I do.

"Quit what?" I ask, blinking once in an innocent manner.

"Yah, are you dumb!" Yeji slams her palms on the table, remaining seated.

"When you think about it everyone on this earth is truly dumb, how can someone be defined as being well educated?" I could sense the annoyance in the way she looks at me, how her jaw is tightly clenched to the point where it may just shatter.

"You better stop ruining Ryujins chances" Yeji defends one of her closest friends.

"That's not my fault, she was the one who cheated on the test, so she shall be the one to deal with said punishment" 

"Yeah, and because of you she's been put on the line for debate" 

"I don't see why I should care, it's not my problem" her hands tighten into fists, her figure becomes shaky with my words.

"What are you doing?" My seatmate whispers her eyes wide with concern as she flicks them between me and my long lasting bully Hwang Yeji.

"You know, you've changed. You're now speaking back, that's only gonna put you in more danger" Yeji smirks, not allowing me time to answer the girl to my side.

"Maybe I should teach you some lessons" She smirks, satisfied with herself.

"The fundamental purpose of school is learning, not teaching. Focus on yourself, like I am with myself. Maybe then you'll learn a few things for your closed minded mindset" now it's my turn to smirk as I wipe hers clean off, a curseful scowl leaving her mouth.

"You best watch your back Lim, you never know who could strike you" she stands, dragging the chair away as she goes over to her desk.

"Same goes for you, except, you know who will strike you in the end"

Lia

The godforsaken sound of Lias' usually soft voice isn't something I want to be hearing during class. She's sat behind me with her childish group that tends to target me more so than others.

"Y/n, please" the teacher pauses my reading to criticise me "your English, it seems that you have forgotten half of what you've learnt"

Lias snickering and giggling have decided to make themselves present. "Miss Choi, maybe you'd have something to say?" She pauses, her laughter stopping almost immediately.

"Ah, no Mr li" she gives him her signature heart fluttering smile, her eyes narrowing with the smile.

"Very well then" he turns to the board, writing down various words in English with the Korean translation next to them. "Since miss Lim couldn't pronounce these words the correct way… we will go through them together" 

I listen to the classes groaning, however, I myself, I just smile with gratitude. 

"Welldone" Lia grumbles, the sound of something hitting her desk in defeat.

"Says you, you were the one that sounded like a hyena with that psycho giggle. You had me fooled, I could've sworn someone let a monkey into the classroom" she gasps, eyebrows narrowed, knitting together in annoyance.

"At least I don't look like one" she fires back a weak insult.

"At least I look like one" I mimic her voice,  a twisted smile on my face.

"That's real mature coming from someone who can't say the simplest of words in english" 

"Girls, stop this" the teacher demands.

"Says the girl who can't hold a stable relationship for more than two days" she huffs, rolling her eyes with a grumpy frown

"Don't look so sad, that face doesn't suit you" I turn around, facing the teacher as he looks at us with disappointment and rage.

"Girls, that's your warning, anything else and you'll be going to the headteacher" he snaps before turning around once again, finishing off a sentence.

"Don't try me" Lia leans forwards, whispering in my ear "it will always end in favour of me" 

"Don't talk to me, it will always end in shambles for you" I speak back, finally being able to focus on the teacher now.

Ryujin

Blabbering, nonsense, bickering. Everyone in the classroom seems to be enjoying themselves after the teacher's big announcement.

He had revealed the test results and being the annoying male he is, he revealed my result, the lowest result of the class. The highest had a score of 97, while me? Only 13.

Me and Ryujin are different in many ways, the main difference being that I wouldn't ruin someone else's chances at success by swapping out the names on our test sheets.

"How does it feel? You know, to get the lowest score in the entire class" Ryujin mocks me, a very playful grin playing like the devil upon her facial features.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you got the lowest in the class" 

I shake my head "no, actually you did. You're just lucky the teacher didn't realise your horrible job of scribbling out our names. Though, it would've been funny"

"Excuse me, are you accusing me of cheating?"

"Yes, I'm also accusing you of fraud, you miss Shin, are guilty of fraud" she purses her lips, staring me down.

"You're lying"

"Ouh, I am? Then please explain why the handwriting on my sheet doesn't belong to me, it's an identical match to your handwriting though" I point to the writing in the sheet, it's messy and looks rushed. My handwriting is never rushed.

People say quality over quantity, especially the teachers here, so it comes as no surprise that I try my hardest to make everything at least readable, bare minimum.

"What a coincidence" Ryujin shrugs her shoulders without a single care in the world.

"Yeah, a coincidence, just like your existence" I send her a wink before turning back to her test results, looking down upon them with shame.

How could someone in our class be so stupid?

Better yet, how could someone in out class be so stupid, and get away with it?

Chaeryeong 

Just walking past Chaeryeong was never an option, the girl would side eye you till you're forced to cover your face, or so it felt that way.

The evil deeds in her sick and twisted mind are awful, like right now. I've only just gotten back from the bathroom and my chair is somehow covered in ink.

I was gone for two? three minutes, max.

"Miss Lim, please sit already" the teacher instructs me, watching me intensely as I move around my desk completely, staring down upon the dark substance that seemed to paint the chair it's lifeless color.

It's like a mass murder for pens, like an entire world war lol based off of pens.. it's concerning me. "Ah, Mr Li? Please may I have another chair, this one is covered in-"

"Do I look like I care miss Lim? Just sit so I can dismiss you" I sigh, slowly and carefully sitting on the disgusting chair. 

The laughs of Chaeryeong and her friends for sure didn't go undetected either. It's rather obvious at this point. I turn my head to my right, slowly but surely glaring into Chaeryeong's soul as she just smiles.

"Alright class, you're.. dismissed" he walks out, multiple students following as I just sit in despair, keeping my unwanted emotions locked and hidden away.

Her laughing approaches, it's like a horror movie, just without a murder and an annoying classmate who hates my guts.

"Are you okay down there?" She chuckles, watching me as I sit perfectly still, only moving the parts of me that aren't touching the chair

"I don't know, why don't you come and join me, your royal highness?"

"No can do, I don't touch village folks like you" the corners of her lips curve up by the slightest, a small smile coming into play.

"That's okay, I don't touch spoilt brats either" I give her the same small smile, she raises an eyebrow.

"She's actually talking for once, how cute" 

"No, what's cute is your lack of intelligence" I scoop some of the fresh ink off of the chair before standing up "next time think of something, make sure it can't backfire" 

And with that, I smear the pens insides all over her makeup covered face, ruining her look for the day.

Chaeryeong gasps before sulking, eventually storming out of the room to find some spare clothes… I should probably do the same...

Yuna

I was only helping some other student when the witch in this class had walked past me, sticking her nasty gum in my hair like I'm some bin for her nasty bacteria.

Even the boy I was helping had looked at Yuna in utter disgust. 

"What? It's just some gum, what's the big deal?" She tilts her head, her silent laugh somehow echoes in my ears.

Normally I wouldn't dare speak back to the cunning cow in the room but I just felt the need to do so this time, it's the third time this week and it's only Tuesday!

"What's the big deal? You stuck your nasty gum in my hair. I've seen the way you chew your gum, it's like watching a camel eat" 

"Hey, watch your mouth Lim!" She practically yells, pointing her manicured intex finger at me.

"Only if you learn to shut yours" the boy I was helping had become completely invested in whatever is going down between me and Yuna, a chuckle leaving his lips with every point I make, causing Yuna to look like the real fool here.

"Not only is your breath infecting the perfectly good air in here, but also the words that are leaving your mouth.. they're just as pathetic as you are"

Her facial expression resembled an enraged bull, I could've sworn I saw steam coming from her ears too.

"Shut it Lim" she half yells, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention from passing teachers or student councils. "You could never out do me, why are you even trying?" 

"I'm not trying, I'm succeeding" I respond, furrowing my eyebrows, feeling confused with her incorrect opinion.

"You're just mad that you can't be like me" she spits her words out like an animal, aggressive and pointless.

"Who would wanna be like you? You look and act like a witch. How haven't you been burnt at the stake or drowned like a rat yet?"

"Ouch" she grumbles "just wait till lunch" she charmingly smiles my way, covering the fact that she's not happy with how that just ended.

I roll my eyes, leaving the room to be gone of the icky gum still stuck to my hair covered scalp.

I mean, what's the worst she could do? Throw her milk at me?

[deardragonbook]

I'm trying to write a scene in my fanfic where my protagonist is living out on the streets after she escaped, and she runs into Izuku Midoriya, a canon character in BNHA (but that's not what I'm trying to focus on). She hardly slept for days, she's hungry, super irritated, with only a small switchblade to defend herself. How do I write a mugging situation?

Hello!

First of, I know I am VERY late. This probably isn't going to be any good for you, but it's kind of ironic I would do the fanfic writer trope of coming very very late with a pointless excuse about how I was finishing my degree and attending conferences for work... at least I find it funny.

Either way I'm going to answer for anybody else who may find this useful. Note I have never seen the show/anime/other to which this is referring so this isn't character specific.

Let's first take into account the symptoms of sleep deprivation:

-Slow thinking

-Reduces attention span

-Poor decision making capabilities

-Lack of energy

Next let's look at the symptoms of hunger:

-Light headed

-Lack of energy

-General weakness

Great, so we have our character's condition. She's not going to be stable on her feat and if she's irritable she will not be judging the danger correctly.

Though this could be an advantage in a sense, risky decision making means unexpected decisions, it means fighting harder than recommended because you're too tired to figure out you may lose.

You said defend herself so I'm figuring she's the one being mugged? She could well be at a point where she has less to lose than the person mugging her so the best technique if your looking for her to win is to go hard, don't step back, don't back down, attack. Let your enemy be intimidated by your lack of fear.

If your plan is for her to lose, then it can be as simple as tripping over her own feat, if you've ever been extra hungry or tired and gotten up very fast, you know that dizzy feeling, well, the same can be expected when you get in a fight, exerting your body more than it's ready for.

Without more context it's hard for me to go into more detail. But what can be learnt from this is research! Whenever I find myself struggling with a scene, even if I think I know everything I need, I'll do some research on something random. Maybe I'll look up types of switchblades and how they work, look up city environments or even research the weather at the time of the story. All of this can serve to inspire and give as greater understanding of the story we are telling!

I hope this helped somebody!

As usual,  check out my book, stories I’ve written plus other social medias: here.

I've got a couple of drafts to go soon with summer coming and more free time. But any questions are always appreciated! Saves me having to think of ideas.

[freewilllife]

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION. I DON'T WANT AN ANSWER, I AM JUST ANALIZYING STUFF OkAY? 

If that was the case you would have not needed to come to my post and just made your own. So I have every right to answer the points you brought up.

First one with Hua Cheng and that’s a common criticism in the fandom too but I think it’s a little overlooked that explanation. Sure, they didn’t tell us a lot of Hua Cheng but a part of that it’s because the whole novel is base on Xie Lian’s perspection, we know things from Xie Lian’s persepction. 

So it does not work in this case. In the case of Scum Villain merely the perspective of the main character is enough, since Luo Bingue´s story is the focus of the story.

The author should have changed the perspective, if she knew no other way.

Aside of that, we are having different perceptions on how HC is supposed to be characterizated but there’s a completely out of context on his situation and in how times and status affect his character and how an insecure person have to act. Hua Cheng is insecure about his appearance so that’s why he doesn’t uses his original form most of the times and he feels unworthy of XL’s love but his feelings doesn’t changed the fact that he still want to be close to him.

There’s a difference between feeling insecure on your look vs being shy and insecure of your wholw persona, I can be insecure about how I look but still have plenny confidence to my other habilities and being able to defend myself.

Hua Cheng had 800 years to work on that insecurity...Since he is also supposed to look actually great it makes even less sense, that he is still insecure about it.

But I admit it is merely one of many flaws in the presentation of that character.

Aside of that, Hua Cheng already shows this since his very childhood, he was a savage little child able to fight back the people that attack him but also being enough honest to admit that he was suffering and that he didn’t want to feel like a monster.

At the end, while everyone is mistreating him, Xie Lian is the only one who accepted him as he is and he find comfort of him, which turn the situation of:“I hate everyone and I want to kill everyone and myself” into “I want to protect this person with my life.”

Hua Cheng´s character could have been quite exciting and interesting if he focused on more than just Xie Lian...If he had more relevant relationships with other characters for example.

Now, to the point about the obsession. There’s a lot of people calling him toxic and stalker when it’s not like that. 

He followed Xie Lian for quite some time...

He observed him and even painted him obessively in 10.000 different positions.

He constructed the person “Hua Cheng” only because of Xie Lian.

It appears he hardly has any morals besides what Xie Lian wants and he would do everything what this person wishes.

Combined with our lack of information regarding his person it brings up the question: Does Hua Cheng even exist as his own person? Or is he merely a shallow shadow of what he thinks Xie Lian needs and wants?

He sure as hell is a stalker and the whole story would be actually creepy if Xie Lian was not interested in him in that way.

Aside of that, he gave Xie Lian the space he needs, he didn’t force XL into things he didn’t want but at the same time, he knows when he had to make an stop sign when Xie Lian is becoming too self sacrifice and too excesive on his trauma like he did with the LQQ situation and when he treated his wounds after the baby fetus situation. 

Yeah...that makes him an even unrealistic character...But I guess the author learnt that she had to appeal more to the readers...So she toned down any flaws which would come with such a creepy personality...Hua Cheng and Luo Bingue actually are pretty similar, but Bingue is the more realistic character.

Now about his obsession. He became ovsessed as a copying mechanism during the whole baking a calamity to survived and remembered his motivation but the rising on his obsession was seeing the person that saved him, physically and mentally and always treats him as a human being being tortured mentally and physically. He was a child/teenager so all of this situation affected him but also made him stubborn to follow this person. Could be good or bad to you, that’s on your perception. 

Being a stalker is always a red flagg and since teenagers and young adults read this work, I hate it that she presented his character like this.

It should never be presented like a harmless feature...These kind of men could be really dangerous in real life.

But his role in this story is to be an unrealistic fantasy love and that’s why the story looks from a farytale and again, that’s on you if you like that or not. 

You can actually write a character in a fantasy story and even in a love story as a sympathetic and still at least partly realistic character, but I do think that Hua Cheng is such an unrealistic love interest that is completely void of interesting features that are not 100 % modeled to appeal to a greater public.

Aside of that, Xie Lian’s mistakes has always been calling out, by the King, Mu Qing, his own people, Lang Ying, BWX and even his own mother. He did so many mistakes doubting about himself but what happened here is that even that is stubborn and privilege, we as a reader can understand that he is a young prince that has never experimantate this and don’t really deserved anything that happened. Still, we are learning with him throught all the process due to the narration style, we learn how complicated the things were for the king and learned to respected him more and not too judge so easily. And the whole situation was a big learning about how sometimes we shouldn’t have to get involved and be attached to the expectations of everyone because that’s a double edge sword. 

Xie Lian doesn´t admit that it was primarily his own fault that his companions left him.

Xie Lian was the one who wished to interfer despite people like his teacher or Mu Qing telling him that it would likely end in a catastrophe like it actually did. He overestimated his own abilites.

Xie Lian didn´t listen and so he really was banished. (His characterisation was pretty realistic here, I admit)

Neither Feng Xin, nor Mu Qing committed a grave sin by leaving him...It is however portrayed that way in the story.

He more or less pushed both people away...He used to be entitled, half-mad and dumb, but that is completely forgotten by the narrative.

He hardly apologized to other people, but the other people to him...More or less he is more presented as a victim and not as mostly being responsible for his own misery.

About the rest, tbh I am a little tired right now to think about them. I don’t really think QR could be explored more than it was in book 2 and the rest of the books, he is a character that being himself explained everything and I can’t see nothing more. I think his function as this horrible person but even him having a heart throught all of that was grest snd as a comedy relief was incredible. So that’s on me. 

Qi Rong is more a shadow to Xie Lian than people want to admit. He looked like Xie Lian and lived in the same environment, but he suffered from bad experiences...In a way he also is a victim like Hua Cheng or Mu Qing, but he hardly understands that his experiences are a direct result of his own flaws. However he is redeemed by his care for his “new son”...still...his dead was unnecessary and feels therefore a little hollow.

Aside of everything, I don’t think you should say or implied that other work should be more popular because of x motive base on your personal opinion, let’s be respectful with every work! 

You are aware that you do not make any sense, do you? The author wrote both books and criticism of works is a pretty common practice. Just because you don´t like my opinion doesn´t make it necessarily wrong.

And to top it all, I wrote this post on my own blog and I will continue to write what I want on my own blog, so I decline your offer, no thank you!

Heaven official´s blessing

Just skip this little rant. I have it under a “keep reading line”.

Personally I have always wondered why tgcf is so much more popular than Scum villain?

Seguir leyendo

[girlactionfigure]

Why I’m Leaving Mumford & Sons

I loved those first tours. Bouncing off a sweaty stage in an Edinburgh catacomb we then had to get to a gig in Camden by lunch the next day. We couldn’t fit all four of us and Ted’s double-bass into the VW Polo. I think it was Ben who drew the short-straw and had to follow by train with his keyboard. I remember blitzing it down the M6 through the night, the lads asleep beside me. We made it but my voice sadly didn’t, completely shot by exhaustion, I had to mime my harmonies. Being in Mumford & Sons was exhilarating.

Every gig was its own adventure. Every gig its own story. Be it odysseys through the Scottish Islands, or soapbox shows in Soho. Where would we sleep that night? Hostels in Fort William, pub floors in Ipswich, even the Travelodge in Carlisle maintains a sort of charm in my mind. We saw the country and then, as things miraculously grew, the world. All the while doing what we loved. Music. And not just any music. These songs meant something. They felt important to me. Songs with the message of hope and love. I was surrounded by three supremely talented song-writers and Marcus, our singer with a one-in-a-million voice. A voice that can compel both a field of 80,000 and the intimacy of a front room. Fast-forward ten years and we were playing those same songs every night in arenas, flying first-class, staying in luxury hotels and being paid handsomely to do so. I was a lucky boy.

On stage, to my left Ted, a roaring bear, with his double-bass flying high above him. To my right Ben, with his unparalleled passion for music, pounding at the keys. And Marcus leading us with all the might of a hurricane or all the tenderness of a breeze, depending on what the song demanded. What a blessing it was to be so close to such talent as theirs. It will be with immense pride that I look back at my time with Mumford & Sons. A legacy of songs that I believe will stand the test of ages. What we’ve achieved together has vastly exceeded the wildest fantasies of this shitkicker from Mortlake.

Who in their right mind would willingly walk away from this?

It turns out I would. And as you might imagine it’s been no easy decision.

At the beginning of March I tweeted to American journalist Andy Ngo, author of the New York Times Bestseller, Unmasked. “Congratulations @MrAndyNgo. Finally had the time to read your important book. You’re a brave man”. Posting about books had been a theme of my social-media throughout the pandemic. I believed this tweet to be as innocuous as the others. How wrong I turned out to be.

Over the course of 24 hours it was trending with tens of thousands of angry retweets and comments. I failed to foresee that my commenting on a book critical of the Far-Left could be interpreted as approval of the equally abhorrent Far-Right.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Thirteen members of my family were murdered in the concentration camps of the Holocaust. My Grandma, unlike her cousins, aunts and uncles, survived. She and I were close. My family knows the evils of fascism painfully well. To say the least. To call me “fascist” was ludicrous beyond belief.

I’ve had plenty of abuse over the years. I’m a banjo player after all. But this was another level. And, owing to our association, my friends, my bandmates, were getting it too. It took me more than a moment to understand how distressing this was for them.

Despite being four individuals we were, in the eyes of the public, a unity. Furthermore it’s our singer’s name on the tin. That name was being dragged through some pretty ugly accusations, as a result of my tweet. The distress brought to them and their families that weekend I regret very much. I remain sincerely sorry for that. Unintentionally, I had pulled them into a divisive and totemic issue.

Emotions were high. Despite pressure to nix me they invited me to continue with the band. That took courage, particularly in the age of so called “cancel culture”. I made an apology and agreed to take a temporary step back.

Rather predictably another viral mob came after me, this time for the sin of apologising. Then followed libellous articles calling me “right-wing” and such. Though there’s nothing wrong with being conservative, when forced to politically label myself I flutter between “centrist”, “liberal” or the more honest “bit this, bit that”. Being labeled erroneously just goes to show how binary political discourse has become. I had criticised the “Left”, so I must be the “Right”, or so their logic goes.

Why did I apologise?

“Rub your eyes and purify your heart — and prize above all else in the world those who love you and who wish you well.” — Aleksander Solzhenitsyn once wrote. In the mania of the moment I was desperate to protect my bandmates. The hornets’ nest that I had unwittingly hit had unleashed a black-hearted swarm on them and their families. I didn’t want them to suffer for my actions, they were my priority.

Secondly, I was sincerely open to the fact that maybe I did not know something about the author or his work. “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak,” Churchill once said, “courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen”. And so I listened.

I have spent much time reflecting, reading and listening. The truth is that my commenting on a book that documents the extreme Far-Left and their activities is in no way an endorsement of the equally repugnant Far-Right. The truth is that reporting on extremism at the great risk of endangering oneself is unquestionably brave. I also feel that my previous apology in a small way participates in the lie that such extremism does not exist, or worse, is a force for good.

So why leave the band?

On the eve of his leaving to the West, Solzhenitsyn published an essay titled ‘Live Not By Lies’. I have read it many times now since the incident at the start of March. It still profoundly stirs me.

“And he who is not sufficiently courageous to defend his soul — don’t let him be proud of his ‘progressive’ views, and don’t let him boast that he is an academician or a people’s artist, a distinguished figure or a general. Let him say to himself: I am a part of the herd and a coward. It’s all the same to me as long as I’m fed and kept warm.”

For me to speak about what I’ve learnt to be such a controversial issue will inevitably bring my bandmates more trouble. My love, loyalty and accountability to them cannot permit that. I could remain and continue to self-censor but it will erode my sense of integrity. Gnaw my conscience. I’ve already felt that beginning.

The only way forward for me is to leave the band. I hope in distancing myself from them I am able to speak my mind without them suffering the consequences. I leave with love in my heart and I wish those three boys nothing but the best. I have no doubt that their stars will shine long into the future. I will continue my work with Hong Kong Link Up and I look forward to new creative projects as well as speaking and writing on a variety of issues, challenging as they may be.

Winston Marshall

[spideyspeaches]

We always have been ↬ fem!p.p

A/N: AHHH I love genderbent Peter skjkjhjka and I’ve only seen @justme--emily​ write for her so far so I wrote one of my own 😤

Summary: It was not every day you crash into your ex boyfriend in a Stark Gala, was it? Your ex boyfriend you dumped right after your senior prom? It was probably her Parker luck striking, never a good sign, she learned that from experience. 

Warning: um cursing lol.

Pairing: female!Peter Parker x Harry Osborn

WC: 2k

When Mister Stark had asked her to attend one of those glorious charity galas, Penny had been elated, internally (and externally) jumping at the thought of wearing fancy gowns and walking past pretentious rich bureaucrats and business people.

She was practically lost in paradise when Miss Potts had accompanied her to shop for her dress, a beautiful blue and red full length gown, hugging her in her curves with a chinese collar neck and embroidered bust (very on brand of her). 

“Is your dress comfortable? Oh god I think I should have altered it myself, it’s not too tight right?” May fretted, fixing her hairdo and last minute make up she learnt from makeup hacks videos. Groaning, Penny nudged May by her shoulders, sitting her down on her twin bed, holding her aunt’s cheeks.

“May, the dress is comfortable! Miss Potts made sure that it was altered to my size okay? Now calm down, it’s just one night.” She smiled, folding her hands under her chest. Her dress was truly comfortable, and she looked undeniably good, she checked (she was a nerd, yes, but she wasn’t blind. Especially now that she had 20/20 long vision due to her spider powers.)

“You know how I feel about you going to fancy parties, baby.” May sighed, making her wince, “the last time you went to prom ended in a disaster. Both of them”

“I know May, but on the bright side, it gained me an actual paid internship. And Mister Stark and Miss Potts are going to be present the whole time!” She reassured, squeezing her aunt’s shoulders. In all honesty, she understood her anxiety, shuddering as she remembered her prom fighting Liz’s dad, and then breaking up with Harry, “besides, I have my spidery powers remember? I’m a big girl May, I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can sweetheart, god look at you all grown up, Ben would be so proud of how much you’ve grown, my little woman.” May sniffed, getting up to caress her head. She shook her head at her aunt’s emotional state, smiling as she bowed her head at the nickname. It was something Ben used to call her- little woman.

“Ben would be proud of you too May.” Penny said, willing her eyes to not water at the sudden rush of sentiment she felt at the mention of her deceased uncle.

“Now, shoo before I change my mind and keep you all to myself!” May laughed, fixing the non existent crease near her shoulders.

“Okay okay! I’m going May, jeez it’s like you and Mister Stark are holding a shared custody of me.” Penny snickered, scrambling to wear her uncomfortable heels, the ones that matched her dress.

“Maybe I am, but I get to be the primary guardian!”

Laughing, she gave her aunt a kiss to her cheek, doing a preliminary check of her cell phone and emergency bracelet, blowing her a kiss before walking into the car that was standing outside their apartment.

The car ride was silent, her stomach bubbling with nervousness and excitement. She was practically vibrating in her seat, glad that Tony had sent another driver instead of Happy- he would have teased her incessantly for being so nervous. She had grown close to Happy, the man growing fond of her as well, but he could be an embarrassing dad at times.

The gala was everything she had imagined, brightly lit in an overpriced hall, adorning overpriced decorations with people in overpriced clothes. 

“Hey Mister Stark! Thank you so much for inviting me!” She grinned, skipping towards her fath- mentor. 

“Hey Pen, wow don’t you look beautiful. A little too beautiful, beware of those good for nothing boys you hear me?” Tony smiled, hugging her, a protective hand on her shoulder. 

“Oh don’t mind Tony, hun, he’s only joking.” Pepper said, giving her a kiss on her cheek and doing a once over, just like May had. 

“I’m serious Pep, if those boys even tried anything, you call me okay? I’ll take care of them.” 

“Mister Stark, you can’t just threaten teenagers.” Penny giggled, looking at Pepper with a smirk.

“Barely a teenager kiddo, why did you grow up so fast?” He smiled, a fond look in his eyes.

“I’m nineteen Mister Stark, I think I can take care of those boys themselves.” 

“Hell yeah you can, that’s my girl.” 

Easy for her to say, because not long after that, Mister Stark and Pepper had abandoned her to talk to some prominent dealer about some… deals concerning Stark Industries, she didn't ask.

By the end of an hour, she was already bouncing on her heels, bored out of her mind. Even the Avengers could entertain her only so much, going back to their important work. And 

Penny was an awkward girl, always finding herself in situations she was unwilling to participate in, so socialising was out of question.

She remembered the one time she had accidentally spilled coffee all over Mister Stark’s touch sensitive keyboard, stuttering the whole time. He hadn’t even been mad, reassuring her that he had done that enough times before, hence the liquid resistant keypads. 

And then there was that one time the school nurse had called Tony when she was experiencing period induced fever. That was embarrassing, if not a little heartwarming to know that he cared about her enough to confront Pepper about menstrual problems. She was his daughter in everything but blood, he reminded her that every day, though not verbally.

There was also this one time she had been caught kissing MJ, but none of those were going to top what she was facing right now.

Literally.

“Penny! Penny Parker?” Harry’s chirpy voice rang in her ears, his footsteps sounding increasingly closer as she tried to hide her face behind her (non alcoholic) drink, frantically walking towards the vague figure of Mister Stark as fast as she could with her overly expensive stilettos.

It was not every day you crash into your ex boyfriend in a Stark Gala, was it? Your ex boyfriend you dumped right after your senior prom? It was probably her Parker luck striking, never a good sign, she learned that from experience. 

Finally standing near Mister Stark, she tried to stand next to him, ignoring the weird look he was giving her. Penny was petite, always has been small for her age, so she was glad Mister Stark could cover her with his side. Apparently he got her cue, as he shifted slightly to hide her from whomever’s view.

“What’s wrong Pen? Some pesky boy chasing you? Accidentally met your ex?” He joked, giving the old businessman in front of him a handshake and smirking at her with amusement. 

“Something like that.” She shrugged casually, snickering at Tony’s wide eyes. 

“Penny! Hey it’s me, Harry.” He said, nearly standing behind her. He was either incredibly stupid or incredibly brave, weaving his way through the crowd to stand right in front of her. He probably hadn’t noticed her clinging to Tony, which is why he came forward, a big goofy grin playing on his handsome face, sending her heart into a frenzy, his blue eyes shining under the gleaming lights. 

“Uh, h-hey Harry.” She grimaced, elongating his name with a chuckle. Shuffling forward, she ignored Tony’s raised eyebrows, opening her mouth to speak, but all she could look at was Harry Fucking Osborn standing in front of her, “Um, small world?” 

Her words sounded distant to her, heart heart a lump in her throat. She felt underprepared for these situations. Sure, they had broken off on a semi- good note, but it didn’t make whatever this was any less awkward. 

“Small world indeed.” He said, much softer than before, a solemn expression taking over his face, “It’s not every day you get to meet Penelope Parker in a Stark Gala. Heard of your internship by the way, I knew you were smart enough to get it.” 

“Oh, thanks about that. I guess you’re an unwilling guest here? Haven’t seen Mr. Osborn around.” She smiled shyly, shuffling on her feet.

“Yeah, kind of, I mean you know how he is.” He shrugged.

“How long have you two known each other?” Tony interrupts the two, watching in amusement as both his pseudo daughter and Norman’s son blush under his gaze, as if just noticing his presence.

“Uhm, Hi Mister Stark! B-big fan, hi oh my god Penny I’m standing in front of Tony Stark.” Harry stuttered, shaking Tony’s hand for a little too long.

Staring at him with confusion, he shook Harry's hand back, silently asking Penny the lingering question.

“He’s a bit of a fanboy.” She answered. 

Harry was still looking at Stark with his wonderstruck expression. 

“Well it’s always good to meet my fans, but you didn't answer my question, kid. How do you two know each other?” Tony said, smiling as politely as he could while his hand was still stuck in Harry’s grip. 

Realising that, he instantly let go, standing awkwardly as him and Penny said at the same time-

“I’m her ex boyfriend-”

“He’s my best friend.” 

His eyes widen, realising what he had just said.

“You guys dated? And when were you going to tell me about that Pen?” Tony asked, baffled at the thought of Penny dating a guy, and Osborn’s son of all people. 

“Well, you see, I was going to tell you soon, but then we broke up. You know? We haven’t talked since.” Penny said, the last sentence directed towards Harry. She was looking at him now, gritting her teeth.

“Well did you expect me to call you after you dumped me? During prom nonetheless? I was ashamed, Pen, I couldn’t do it.” Harry said, looking apologetic. It made her heart clench, inherent guilt building up in her tummy. It was her fault, technically. 

“Yeah but, Harry you were my best friend before my boyfriend, and I missed you okay? You could’ve at least called.” She defended. Tony was good at reading the room, so sensing a banter building, he quietly left the area, not wanting to witness the misunderstanding.

“I really missed you too Penny, I- I didn’t think I was good enough for you, gosh I really fucking love you.” He said, immediately stiffening. 

Even back when they were dating, they had never said the L word to each other, not even when they were best friends, and now? Well he had just made the air more thicker than before. 

“You- you what?” She asked, voice small as her heart jumped. She moved closer to him, holding her hands out, reaching to touch his shoulders. Her hands set on his silky tuxedo, she stroked her hands in a slow motion, dropping them immediately when she realised she was touching him.

“I really fucking love you Penny, even if you don’t want to get together, can we still be friends? Go back to our movie nights and lego sessions?” He asked, furrowing his brows as if to keep himself from crying. 

No words left her mouth, her breath hitched when he moved forward, chest stuttering. With a sudden confidence she didn’t know she had, she leapt forward, capturing his lips in hers. Their lips moved with a sync, his familiar ocean scented deo invading her nostrils, his soft skin against her. The world around her melded in a technicolour blob, the only thing she could focus was his heartbeat echoing in her ears.

“I really fucking love you too by the way.” She said, pulling away from the kiss. She vaguely spotted Miss Potts in her periphery, shaking her head with a smile as she held back Mister Stark.

“So, are we friends then?” 

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“We are more than friends, you dumbass. We always have been.” 

I’m a thirsty bitch, pwease give me feedback? 🥺🥺

[melanielocke]

Lost in the shadows - Chapter 7

AO3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Taglist @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings

Lucie’s parents were putting away the groceries when the four of them entered the house. Thomas quickly texted his parents he was with the Herondales and wasn’t sure when he’d be back. Will and Tessa had noticed something was not right immediately, and while Will was making some tea, Tessa sat down on the couch with her daughter.

‘What happened, Lu?’ she asked.

Lucie recounted the story of seeing Jesse Blackthorn, and Thomas couldn’t help but think it was all connected somehow. She had never seen Jesse until now, just after a washing woman had told him his grandfather’s debt was not paid. That was not a coincidence.

‘What if Jesse came back from being dead somehow?’ Thomas asked.

‘None of you saw him, did you?’ Lucie asked.

Thomas, Cordelia and Alastair all said no.

‘He was a ghost,’ Lucie said. ‘So he’s still very much dead. And he didn’t stay around to talk. I thought he was going to, I thought he wanted to, but then he was gone. And I don’t understand any of it. Why here, why now? I thought he’d moved on to wherever dead people are supposed to go, and I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a ghost who’d returned from there.’

‘You might not have been wherever Jesse’s ghost was before,’ Thomas offered, but Lucie determinedly shook her head.

‘He would have come for me,’ Lucie said. ‘I know what we had wasn’t really romance, but he was still a dear friend and he would not have left me. I looked everywhere for him. And he’s never been here in his life, it makes no sense for him to come to this place.’

‘It must be connected to my grandfather’s debts,’ Thomas said, and he recounted the story for Cordelia and Lucie. He suspected Will and Tessa already knew most of it, but Lucie and Cordelia knew nothing and Thomas was afraid telling Lucie Jesse’s death might not have been an accident was a bit much. It was an odd sort of guilt Thomas felt while discussing Jesse. It wasn’t his fault exactly, that Jesse had died, but perhaps if he’d died Jesse would have survived and gotten better instead. Why did he deserve to live and not Jesse? Why had he survived?

‘Thomas, perhaps you should ask your father to contact Tatiana,’ Tessa suggested. ‘Perhaps she knows more.’

Will shook his head though. ‘Tatiana is mad as mouse trapped in a teapot,’ he said. ‘She never took her father’s death well and blamed it on anyone involved in the matter. Me, Jem, even her own brothers. And when Jesse died, I think she decided we were all evil and out to ruin her life. She thinks we turned her brothers against her, killed her father, and let her son die. She might even blame Lucie for Jesse’s death since she never approved of them spending time together. I don’t want her anywhere near you, no matter what information she might have.’

‘My father has been trying to call her and has left several messages. So far nothing,’ Thomas said. ‘I don’t think she wants us to contact her, but if we told her Jesse’s ghost was here, do you think that would change her mind?’

‘Or perhaps Jesse’s ghost appeared because Tatiana made a dark deal of her own,’ Will said. He stared out of the window thoughtfully. ‘In which case, perhaps it is our duty to stop her. None of which is your responsibility.’

Thomas suspected Will had been fighting against the supernatural at an age younger than he was now, but there was a reason he’d stopped. He imagined the price had been too high, and perhaps he regretted going up against monsters at such a young age. Perhaps it had left scars.

‘Sometimes doing nothing is more dangerous though,’ Thomas said.

‘Exactly,’ Lucie said. ‘I need to find out what happened to Jesse, we have no time to waste.’

Like Thomas, Lucie was both reckless and stubborn and he didn’t think any amount of discussion with her parents was going to stop her.

Will sighed. ‘You’re just like me when I was your age. Always running headlong towards danger. I suppose I can’t stop you. But I hope you can be careful. Speaking with ghosts is one thing, but running after the son of Tatiana Blackthorn…’

‘Will, I think we’re going to have to try and remember as much as we can from Benedict Lightwood,’ Tessa said. ‘Any detail could be crucial, anything we missed at the time. I suppose Gideon knows the most.’

‘I can help with that,’ Alastair said. ‘To remember, I mean.’

Alastair explained his ability and Thomas realized he hadn’t told anyone besides him and his family, since everyone except for Cordelia seemed surprised and confused.

‘An interesting and useful ability for someone who investigates the supernatural,’ Will mused. ‘If someone claims to have seen someone, you could objectify it for yourself and figure out what it is before fighting it. I got into some dangerous situations myself because sighted people didn’t know the difference between a werewolf and a wulver.’

Thomas didn’t know what the difference was between a werewolf and a wulver, but was glad he’d never encountered either.

‘That’s not… I’m just trying to save Thomas. I don’t want to fight like my father,’ Alastair said, refusing to look Will in the eye.

Will nodded. ‘That is a wise decision. Life fighting evil isn’t for everyone. It is a hard life and it leaves its scars. But those scars are, unfortunately, the price that some of us must pay so the rest can be safe.’

Thomas noticed Alastair tensed up, but he didn’t say anything. Thomas wanted to ask if he was alright, but Alastair seemed so closed off and he didn’t dare. He remembered Alastair being like this at times at school, and Thomas had learnt that approaching him when he was in such a state led to him lashing out. His attempt, Thomas suspected, to conceal how vulnerable he really was.

‘Alastair, why don’t you go see Gideon?’ Tessa said in an attempt to break the awkward silence. ‘I think he is the most likely to remember anything useful. In all the time he didn’t know the supernatural was real, he still might have picked up information he didn’t understand at the time.’

Alastair didn’t say anything, just nodded and picked up his bag and left.

‘I’ll go too,’ Thomas said and he quickly followed Alastair, who was already outside when he caught up..

Alastair was still tense and Thomas wished there was something he could do to help, but he wasn’t sure what exactly was going on.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked, reaching out his hand and dropping it.

He wasn’t sure Alastair wanted to be touched, even if his first instinct was to offer him comfort through a hug or a hand on his shoulder. He knew Alastair’s anger, and even if Thomas knew Alastair didn’t mean the rude things he said, it still hurt when he lashed out.

‘I’m fine, Lightwood,’ Alastair snapped.

Thomas wasn’t sure what to say. Alastair had always called him by his last name back at school, which Thomas had taken as an attempt to not let him get to close, as if using his first name implied they were friends when Alastair did the best he could to keep everyone at an arm’s length. He thought they were past that, though. They’d spoken so openly this morning in the woods, even if he could tell Alastair had scars he wasn’t ready to reveal. That was alright though, because Alastair was more than just his scars, or his memory ability. Thomas had loved talking about Alastair’s interests, he loved how passionate Alastair could be. Now he struggled to tell what Alastair was feeling, and if he liked Thomas’ presence at all.

‘Was it something uncle Will said?’ Thomas asked.

Technically, Will wasn’t his uncle, but Thomas had always called him that. He viewed Lucie as his closest friend, but also as family. Will’s sister Cecily was his aunt through marriage though, so in that regard the Herondales were almost family.

‘I’m perfectly fine,’ Alastair said between his teeth. ‘Stop pretending I’m fragile.’

Thomas took a step back, hurt. He knew Alastair didn’t mean it, he knew Will’s comment had upset him and this was how Alastair defended himself. Thomas didn’t think Alastair was fragile, far from it, but it was obvious he wasn’t alright, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to make Alastair uncomfortable, but he wished he could be of more help. He wished he knew how to support him.

Thomas couldn’t deny to himself that he still had feelings for Alastair. After this morning, after getting a glimpse of who he really was, Thomas only loved him more. Knowing Alastair was gay, there was a chance Alastair could like him back. He began to suspect it wasn’t that easy though.

‘I know you’re not fragile,’ Thomas said. ‘But it’s alright to admit that things bother you. I know you’ve been through much more than any of us can imagine and honestly if it were me I wouldn’t be able to do half the things you did. I’d be a crumbling mess.’

Alastair stared at him for a moment, Thomas could tell he was thinking. He seemed confused, furrowing his perfectly shaped brows. Even Matthew had agreed there was something special about Alastair’s eyebrows.

‘What do you know about what happened to me?’ Alastair asked, but it wasn’t as hostile as he’d expected. ‘Did they tell you too?’

Thomas assumed with “they” Alastair meant the Herondales. ‘Not much,’ he admitted. ‘I know something is not alright with your father though. And since uncle Will warned us about drinking, I’m guessing maybe he had a drinking problem? And I think it upsets you when people describe him as a hero who fought monsters and kept people safe. Or when people talk about how his life as a hero left scars. Because it dismisses you, it implies that what happened to you is just collateral damage.’

‘My father was a hero,’ Alastair said but there was no admiration in his voice. His hands were shaking and Thomas realized he was still very upset. ‘He did all these things Will talks about, and when I was a small child I used to curl up in his lap and listen as he told stories of his adventures. And I think they’re right that it had a cost, that what he saw was the reason he started drinking. But that’s no excuse for how he treated me, is it? I don’t want to empathize with my father, not after everything he did to me. People can talk all they want of how noble he was, and that being a hero leaves its scars, but what about me? What about my scars? Do I not matter?’

Thomas wanted to touch Alastair, hold his hand, put his arms around him and hold him close, but feared he would only make it worse. Alastair could be difficult to read at times, even to Thomas who prided himself on his ability to read people.

‘Of course you matter. It’s alright to hate him,’ Thomas said. ‘Or feel however you want to about him.’

‘I do. I hate him,’ Alastair said. ‘But for a long time I also loved him. And I kept trying, kept hoping that he would change if only I did better.’

There were tears in his eyes, Alastair wiped them away with shaking hands.

‘It’s not your fault,’ Thomas said. ‘Recovery from addiction is a long and difficult process and that was never your responsibility. And making sure you and Cordelia were safe was his responsibility as a parent.’

‘He never cared,’ Alastair said, and although Alastair seemed a bit calmer, his hands were still shaking and the tears in his eyes were still there. Will’s comments, although unintentional, must have been very upsetting. ‘My mother spent years trying to convince him to go to a clinic. Not so long ago she asked Jem to convince him, but I don’t know. I don’t think he wants to get better.’

‘That must be difficult,’ Thomas said. ‘Does Jem keep you informed on how your father is doing? Do they still see each other?’

‘I think Jem’s still trying with my father, but I’m trying to get away from him,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ve asked him not to keep me informed. I’d rather not know. Come, we’re almost at your father’s cottage. Searching his memory is probably going to take some time.’

Thomas took Alastair’s comment as an attempt to end the conversation about his father and didn’t press. At the cottage, Thomas realized his parents weren’t there, and when Thomas checked his phone he saw his father had texted that they were taking a walk and his mother wanted to try if she could find the washer woman Thomas had seen.

Thomas texted back, explaining how Alastair intended to help with the memories, and then made them both some lunch since neither had eaten since breakfast and Thomas was starving. Ever since his growth spurt, Thomas had an insatiable appetite. He and Lucie used to have eating competitions, but Lucie was starting to get insecure about eating a lot because she’d gained weight. While eating a lot was generally acceptable for teen boys, it was frowned upon for girls. Thomas missed it. It might be weird and stupid, but it was theirs and it was fun and Thomas was quite good at it. They decided to play chess to pass the time when they were finished eating.

Thomas was decent, but rusty. He’d taken chess classes sometime at school but hadn’t played in a while, and tended to miss important details as he played. He stood no chance against Alastair.

‘Cordelia and I played a lot of chess,’ Alastair said. ‘She’s a bit better at it than I am. My mother taught us, chess was originally a Persian game and she thought it was important we knew how to play.’

‘Really? I didn’t know.’

‘The term check derives from the Persian word ‘Shãh’, which means king. Checkmate comes from ‘Shãh mãt’, meaning the king is helpless.’

‘And your family is from Iran, right?’ Thomas asked.

‘My mother is,’ he said. ‘My father is English. I was born here in England, but my mother raised us with Persian stories, the language. She wanted to keep us connected to our heritage.’

‘Are you or your family religious?’ Thomas asked then.

‘I’m not. My father didn’t want to raise us with religion. He was raised a Christian, but I don’t think he really believed anymore. My mother is Muslim, so I am familiar with her religion, but I’m not yet sure what to believe. Growing up with so many stories of the supernatural, it’s easier to believe what I can prove is out there and having faith in something I’ll never be able to prove is something I find difficult.’

‘I agree with the last part,’ Thomas said. ‘But neither of my parents are religious, so I guess it makes sense. I wouldn’t say I’m atheist, it’s more like I think anything is possible.’

‘No, I’m not atheist either,’ Alastair agreed. ‘I don’t discount what my mother believes, but I can’t be sure either and that’s what I find difficult.’

They played two more games of chess before Thomas’ parents came back, both of which Alastair won. Thomas acknowledged he would probably never win at this game, perhaps another time they could play something different.

‘Did you find anything?’ Thomas asked.

‘No, nothing,’ Gideon said. ‘But I got your text, although I’m not quite sure I understand what Alastair can do.’

Alastair explained his ability, and after several questions his father seemed to understand.

‘Thomas, I think you two ate all the bread,’ his mother said as she checked the cupboard. Thomas guessed that was true, his parents still tended to underestimate his appetite, and they might not have counted on Alastair eating here too. ‘Maybe you could go into town and buy some before the shops are all out.’

Thomas turned to Alastair. ‘Do you need me to stay here?’

‘I wouldn’t want you to starve,’ Alastair said. ‘And it might be best not to bring too many people into someone else’s memory. I’m a bit unpracticed.’

Thomas took the car and drove it to the village. He’d gotten a driver’s license a couple of months ago. He had to make a few adjustments to the chair’s position so he could fit into the driver’s seat, and most cars were uncomfortable no matter the adjustments. He parked the car near the grocery store and was relieved to find they weren’t out of bread yet. Just to be sure, Thomas also bought some snacks he knew were vegan. You never knew when you suddenly craved something sweet, or salty. And he didn’t know what Alastair liked, so he bought a wide variety so he’d be able to offer him something he like. At the check out he felt a bit like Harry Potter after buying everything from the trolley, and Thomas didn’t meet the cashier’s eyes as he paid.

While taking his bags back to the car, he caught the eye of a woman with brown hair. He only noticed her for a few seconds, after he’d put his bags in the trunk of the car, and realized she must have been staring at him. She turned around before Thomas could get a proper look at her, trailed by a pretty blonde teen girl. He was just being paranoid, he told himself. Perhaps there was something weird about his clothes he had not noticed, or another logical reason she might have stared. Thomas pushed down the feeling of unease and got in the car, driving back to his parents.