#learning to find myself
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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Finished :D
#Let me know if you want to learn about the process for this one#full disclosure: I roughly traced my reference image#because I didn't want to hold myself back with anatomy and proportions when all I wanted to do for this was studying colour#and trying to find the right colour balance#studying texture and how to render things...#I really like how this turned out!#I have a few more leyendecker studies planned but this is finished for now#malevolent podcast#digital art#artists on tumblr#malevolent#arthur lester#arthur lester malevolent
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Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.
Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU
#knitting#no it's not a real pattern but I can't write one that makes sense because I have no freaking clue what any of that means#How do you make things that aren't basic rectangles#Why has every knitter I've asked for help just said 'patterns are easy; you just have to know how to read them' & then refused to teach me#Where do I even find a goat to sacrifice#How do I join the pattern cult#I am so confused#I've been knitting for almost a decade but I can only make scarves and potholders#I learned one (1) stitch by watching a YouTube video and none of my friends or family knit so I have no IRL resources#And nobody I meet seems to want to take the time to explain the rest to me#I taught myself to sew through trial and error but that doesn't really work with knitting because error is pretty much just... Unraveling?#Anyway sorry for the tag rant I'm just frustrated that I see pretty things I want to make but the instructions are in an alien language#And the gap between 'absolute novice' and 'intermediate' seems to be about 20 years of experience and formal instruction
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Know what’s best for you
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I know damn well I misunderstood the assignment but we roll, I'll understand it some day
It's killer and dust btw. If you couldn't tell. Which you probably couldn't.. forgor to say but shhh 🤫 Killers having a convo with himself..
..I kinda wanna change my url but idk to what
#I got this compliment once and I was like :3 bc I like compliments. then 4 days later I recognise the name and pfp on#on a tumblr I rlly rlly like bc they're super cool make super cool art and has super cool ideas and I'm just like woah they complement me s#so I search my notifications to find which post they complimented me on and I find out. they're following me. ummm IJWEHFOIWJ#i just can't get over this bc they're literally so cool what#anyways#I got two whole documents of canon dust things and one ao3 of canon things about killer#so I'm learning a way to do justice to the creators image while still putting my own twist on it bc I love fanon and that's how I grew up#I'm literally so passionate about fanon. specifically Gacha fanon bc it's literally so fun and no one else know that#like. literally everyone just like had terrible experience apparently idk how I didn't experience that#am I the only one who knows these characters still had lore Ben though unrelated to anything canon at all#anyways I'm rambling too much whoops#sans au#utmv#undertale au#sanscest#if u want#killer sans#dust sans#kist#if u want...#LOVE affair#teaching myself to use this tag too but eh#did you know Horror is more likely to be a part of the bad Sanses than Dust#Jesus fuck I rambled these tags to hell
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27/12/2024 - LAT vs CAN | WJC Day 2
He's not just a proud Canadian, he's a proud member of the Hän Nation, the Trʼondëk Hwëchʼin Tribe, and he's a member of the Wolf Clan. And that is a vest made by his grandmother Karen [Mason], all embroidered. It took an incredible amount of time to put that together and he wears it very proudly. - Bob McKenzie on TSN broadcast
#gavin mckenna#wjc 2025#team canada#medicine hat tigers#this was really cool to learn about him and its awesome he's wearing the vest. it's beautiful!#tried my best to transcribe what was said on broadcast. i do wish they'd said more but i get that production had to carry on#was NOT sure how to spell the last name.... couldn't find it and didn't want to stop myself from posting bc of it#puckscouting#puck!gif#2026 draft class#p!gif:juniors#p!gif:international
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I've had this finished for days now, I posted the wip but didn't post the final piece because I couldn't find the PERFECT caption.
I still can't so whatever I'll post it anyway because I really love how it turned out 💖
#my art#fanart#wednesday series#wednesday netflix#asterthought#asterthought.art#digital art#wenclair#wednesday addams#enid sinclair#wednesday x enid#i love my girls#this was my first full piece made with my tablet and in Sketchbook and i'm honestly so proud of it#could you tell i have an art degree just based on this? probably not#but that's the thing about learning to use new things#i have to keep reminding myself#i don't need absolute perfection#this is still one of my favorite pieces though#that doesn't stop me from finding terrible flaws in it either
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Happy 20th Anniversary!
#happy dannypocalypse!!! I did not prepare#bought a new tablet (huge moves)#downloaded opentoonz (rough)#trying to teach myself how to animate too late in my life (it's never too late!)#but hey just a little hair practice to try to learn the program and the tablet#jazz fenton#danny phantom#myart#animation#yippee!!!! I love making stuff#and idk what the scenario is here#something something jazz finding danny after he went on a rampage or before going to the final battle#I made it with angst in my heart so whatever you want#dannypocalypse
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GET DUN(meshi)
#i am once again learning editing for evil#kept waiting for someone to put this music to this scene but i couldn't find it#have to do everything myself#i know people have 'get downed' chilchuck before so i'm honor bound to add to it#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#chilchuck#get down meme#geddan#delicious in dungeon is still a stupid name for it#thank you to all the people compiling clips of the episode on yt#as that is the only place i know how to rip vids from#because i am uncultured#makenna made a video#volume warning#video#chilchuck tims
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mockley time it's mockley time will you have some mockleys of mine
#my art#oc#mockley#anthro#furry#dinosaur#i think i like this mockley i think i'm guiding her to where she needs to be design-wise to fit in with her human cohorts#and the lines were fun as hell to render. mockley has so many textures#been in an art rut recently. feel like i'm guiding my art where i don't want it to go. and also feel limited in what i can do#big pity party basically lol but it's good to recognise that and be like well whatever. just do some studies and get back on track#less throwing myself against the same wall and more finding a ladder to get over it. which will involve more studies and less oc drawings#and also less comparing myself to other people and especially people younger than me who have amazing art it's BAD for you#compete with YOURSELF and you can neverrr lose. you can never lose if you have fun LOSING#learn to LOVE losing#my favourite vinny vinesauce quote and one of my favourite motivational quotes ever. he said it as a joke while salty at mario kart#but it's resonated positively in my life ever since hearing it#fall in love with failing.....learn to love losing....(said to myself)
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really cringe but i wanted to test out how to do an animatic again and the only clip i had was this one from pearl
i have not . touched anything moving in so long oh god
#this took like 30 mins dfjkdffd#the other 30 was searching up how the hell the animation timeline worked in csp again#this is definitely way more chibi...stylized than i would like but i also draw way too slow and im not going to do all that just for a test#sighhh#i need to learn how to animate for real this time#it was my promise to myself now that i bought a display tablet lmao#everyone here will be forced to come along the ride of me learning how to animate#yay!!!! totally not embarrassing whatsoever#my art#eydimvs#<- temporary tag until i find a better sounding one
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Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.
I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!
(2023 summary here!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#Since last year's independent variable was PD-WWX; this year I used Lan Wangji.#Unfortunately his appearances were not very evenly distributed this year! Lots of LWJ's early in the year#then a dead period in the middle. He is forever my silly rabbit. I love drawing him!#If I have to put a label on this year; I'd describe it as 'experimental'. I pushed myself to do llots of new things!#I drew lots for dungeon meshi and that really boosted my growth. More body types -clothing details - expressions!#Ryoko Kui is a great artist to learn from and It made me realize that I had a lot to gain from doing more studies.#I also started working on a whole new genre of art! While it has taken a backburner spot - I'm working on a game now!#Digital art was my enemy last year but I have been getting a feel for it now.#Goals for this year is to 1) keep working on my personal projects 2) finish PD-MDZS! and 3) practice animation!#I didn't (couldn't) draw as much as I did last year...but I had to take a lesson in humility and taking care of myself.#Drawing is something I do 'for fun' but there were many times it became more stressful than it should.#I'm still learning how to find and maintain balance with everything life throws at me.#We are all works of progress and I am trying very hard to love the process and the journey! I don't really know my destination!#But I will keep taking steps forwards. I never want to be stuck and lost as I once was.#If 2024 was a rough year for you too; We're in this together. Let's keep taking steps together. No matter how small.#Love you all so very much. You've given me strength on the darkest days. Thank you thank you thank you.
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I finally colored the sketch i posted some time ago, enjoy!
#Idk why it looks different on my phone than on my tablet but anyway enjoy#perfect court!AU#i gave them louscios lips because i could#when i say this is the first drawing i ever colored start to finish i am not lying#ignore the background#kevin look weird from afar and normal close up idk what is going on#riko moriyama#neil josten#well technically#nathaniel wesninski#kevin day#andrew minyard#jean moreau#aftg#my art#my tag is on the wall i find myself hilarious#i watched tutorials on tiktok to learn about shadows lmao#and light scattering
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I HATE tiktok and the Internet in general rn for the obsession with "oh this person's smellyyy" "Brother it STINKS over here" "BOO 💧🧼🧽🚿" and stuff like that. I wish I could put into words how demeaning and patronising that whole idea is and people implying anyone they don't like doesn't wash.
For one there's something grating about being insulted in a manner like we're in nursery again. But also WHY is that the go to insult. Why do you associate these things? Especially to those you deem "chronically online". Like I don't want to sound pathetic but it feels so nasty to me.
is it extreme to say this feels tied to ableism? And classism too?
#“take a shower” me sitting here with depression and no will to even move rn. That doesnt make me feel worse or anything#dry to wet change is also evil. and i get decision paralysis a lot and just struggle to motivate myself to do basic human tasks#and thats just me#what about the people with physical disabilities that struggle to find the energy and strength to do these things#And also like environmental factors too?#like kids can be unhygienic cause they arent being cared for and learning properly#people with learning disabilities and neurodiversity too may struggle with not being taught properly as its a “basic thing everyone knows”#people are homeless karen.#people cant afford to wash regularly#people grow up or are forced to live in unhygienic places and surrounded by smokers and alcoholics#people who are smokers and alcoholics and generally people with addiction can smell#people with health issues that cause them to sweat more#Like the list goes on#but idk maybe I'm just sensitive#anti anti#profiction#proship#neurodivergent#cringe culture#ableism#classism
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updated some ref sheets and also actually made jcj one
#go find my artfight for more i guess#i know its another Not Real Murder Drones post but like im hyperfixating on this right now and dont feel like drawing drones#so you guys are just gonna have to live with that for a bit#i forgot an inner ring thing for abs so lets just pretend she doesnt have one#the spikes on jcjs halo are actually based on the spAAAAAAAAAAAce part of jcj in spaaaaaaaaaace#excuse my poor character writing i've literally never done this before#this is really like my first time doing this#usually i just pull the “they'll do whatever if i can make a joke out of it” card while Slightly aligning by their Vibe but like#here i'm trying to do something#learning to like actually Write also#if i can muster up the courage then i'll have a fic on ao3. otherwise ill just keep telling myself its for My Eyes Only#are the designs entirely canon compliant? no#do i care? no#art#murder drones#rain world#rain world iterator#i guess#never actually even considered a name for this au besides the self explanitory Murder Drones Rain World AU#should probably do that#i KNOW the lore is really fanficy SHUT UP i COULDNT THINK OF ANOTHER WAY TO WORK IT#LET ME BE CRINGE AND FREE FOR ONCE
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green apple flavor
#library of ruina#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#couldnt help it. the box. the meltdownerr (going though severe mental agony manifesting in a form bursting forth from metal)#i have ao mant sketches... i havent finished.... lor angela floor of lit drawinfs.... but my motivation is ASS and most of what ive made#recently also feels like shit. mind empty doodles w netz to try and get myself out of the gutter#.... murky. gutter wky dont ask me w#trying to find time... ahhhh the time. the TIME .#anyways. netz :)#actually i forgot to tag him#Netzach#netzach lor#netzach lobotomy corporation#netzach lobcorp#covers it i think. yippee wahoo aghhbvabnamkpeiu#right giovanni too o guess. hey king. itty bitty tiny one. littlr guy.#the goodbye tender one was just because i was listening to it and dongdang kills the cover per normal#i really love fragment of the universe. one of my favorite abnos. i got it on day 6 ish in lobcorp. its not hostile or meaning to cause harm#it wishes to communicate and to be heard to to share knowledge and thoughts. yet it is also persistsnt and insistent to communicate the#whole of it. wanting the other to know and learn the entirety of it. to be heard and understood in full. the ways of doing so is forceful#and causes harm. which then causes a dynamic of it wishing to have full knowledge and understanding while the other party rightfully shuts#it out and refuses to listen. in the ego and in lor mentioning ignoring it and not paying it any mind. even though it trys to go out of its#way to communicate itself as friendly and around ideas of joy such as a childs scribble of hearts. plus with the sounds of something akin to#a whale iirc. then tying together with the line of singing and song. i love u fragment of the universe
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