#learn to step outside of yourself and show up for others without expectations

[crimsoncandy04]

If you haven't made a part 2 of Scaramouche's pre remembering where he was back to Kabukimono, please make one I'm begging 🙏 Thank you

You stand by a small pond somewhere in Sumeru, it's hot outside and as you cautiously remove your shoes and prepare to at least submerge your feet for the time being in the cool waters, you suddenly feel someone tap on your shoulder.

You turn around and are face to face with Kabukimono. Or...? He had a familiar dead look in his eyes...was this?

"So you actually were attracted to me when I was that ignorant? " He asked in his old expected flat tone that you were used to. Crossing his arms as he looked you over.

"it's not like it was a different person. Besides even if your personality was off, I was still just spending time with someone I care about." You turn back around to grab your shoes from where you tossed them, Scaramouche catches you off guard and suddenly wraps his arms around your waist. Pulling you against him as you gasp, feeling his hand move down quickly to cup your clothed mound underneath your skirt. His fingers traced your slit through your panties, his cool breath against your ear sending shivers down your spine as you whimpered.

"oh I'm sure we did spend quite a lot of time together. In fact I remember our most recent encounter lasting at least an hour, maybe more." Scara squeezes the softness of your breasts with his other hand, his forefinger and thumb pinching one of your tender nipples as he gives you a gentle kiss on the neck.

"and? Maybe I didn't mind. Maybe I liked being with you in that mindset. You were rather... attentive." You admit reluctantly as you suddenly feel him slide past your underwear and plunge two fingers deep into your cunt. Wiggling them around and teasing you before immediately going to rub against your sweet spot almost roughly. You can't help but moan softly as you take the sudden intrusion easily. Just like he had always trained you to do before in the past.

"so that was it huh? You wanted attention." He murmured as he continued to casually bring you to orgasm with his fingers as if it were nothing.

"as annoying as these attention seeking tendencies of yours are, I'm glad that at least you were smart enough to seek me out even considering my...state." he let you ride his palm as you began to rock your hips a little. A small reward on his part you supposed. Usually he got upset if you tried to make yourself finish without his permission.

"of course I would find you! I wouldn't ever let-ah! I wouldn't ever let someone else touch me like this!" You whined pitifully as you struggled to stay upright now.

You leaned back against Scaramouche as you felt your insides flutter. He chuckled lightly as he felt your warmth suddenly coat his hand.

He brings his fingers to your mouth then.

"don't make me ask. You know what to do." His usual authoritative tone gave you butterflies as you obediently began to lick and suck your own pussy juices off of his fingers.

You could feel how hard he was from behind as you did too.

You knew what would come next.

And sure enough, slowly Scara began to tug at your skirt. His fingers sliding into the waistband and pulling the clothing article down past your thighs and quickly to your ankles. You step out of the fabric and watch as he tosses it aside. Getting back to his feet and giving you a look you immediately recognized. You turned around and slowly began to remove your soaking wet panties next.

Scaramouche was someone who definitely had an eye for beautiful things. He often enjoyed it when you gave him a little show and knowing this, you wiggled your hips a little as you slid your underwear to your knees. Lifting your ass up for his viewing as you finally made yourself completely vulnerable from the waist down. Slowly you turn your head to look at him as you remain in your bent over position.

He eyed your glistening sex with a dark sort of hunger in his indigo eyes.

"you learn well. I always did like that about you. It seems even after being unnecessarily spoiled by a former version of myself, you know your true place still." He rasps as you suddenly feel him slap his hand across your ass cheek rather hard. Making you only get wetter for him. He does it again.

"I should reward you for your loyalty. You had the opportunity to run off and easily never see me again, yet you sought me out." He began to untie his belt and undo the layers of his own clothing as he gave your ass another spank.

"but I've had a rather rough past twenty four hours. And I need to relieve myself a little." He frees his cock from his shorts as they fall to the ground. Scara rubs his soft pink tip against your wet slit as he grabs your hips and holds you in place. He notices as you flinch a little at his words.

"heh, you never did like when I used you for stress relief. But I'm afraid that this time it's necessary." He pushes past your folds and into your pussy. You let out a breathy and shaky sigh, making yourself get used to him quickly as he immediately begins to thrust.

"you still take my cock so well you know? It almost makes me feel a little bad for what I'm about to do." He suddenly begins to move faster. You keep your palms firmly planted against the grass beneath you as scara fucks you deep. Making your entire body shake with pleasure as you hear him groan and comment in a sultry tone about how tight you are still.

It's then that you feel him let go of one of your hips and instead grab a fistful of your long hair. You wince as you feel your scalp being yanked on but that's nothing compared to what happens next. Scara begins to thrust faster than he practically ever had before. Harder too. You want to both scream and moan as you struggle not to lose your balance.

"S-Scara please! too fast!" You mewl sweetly and breathily. Barely able to form full sentences as your g spot was assaulted relentlessly and almost brutally. You felt your body being forced into another orgasm quickly.

He slaps your ass HARD.

"don't call me that." He commands.

Not this again.

"well what the hell-ah!"

"watch your tone slut." He slapped your ass painfully yet again. You knew it was gonna hurt to sit later if he kept this up. So you chose to play nice.

"Sorry... please forgive me!" He slams his dick so deeply into you that you swear he actually fucked into your womb for a second at your plea.

"that's more like it. Now since you asked nicely, you shall call me Wanderer from now on. Understand?" He yanks your head back by your hair. Forcing you to arch uncomfortably and make eye contact with him as he continues to fuck you mercilessly.

"yes Wanderer, I understand. "

"good girl."

He continues to use your cunt to get himself off after that. You feel your pussy squeezing his thick length and squirting now and then yet Wanderer doesn't slow down or stop until he's finished deep inside of you at least 7 times. By then, you're a teary and sweaty mess and he finally seems to remember your fragile nature as a mortal. Finishing in you one last time before finally pulling out of your used cunt with a loud *POP* as he supports your entire body with one arm wrapped around your middle.

You tremble as you feel him pull you against him again and this time into his lap as he collapses to the ground in a sitting position.

Wanderer uses his knees to pull yours apart again as he quickly finds your clit. He plays with it rather gently, almost like he did before as Kabukimono.

"you did well. As usual. Perhaps I should give you something in return hmm?" Your head rolls to the side a little as you prepare to let him continue to do whatever he has planned next but for some reason, once he sees your unenthusiasm, Wanderer suddenly stops. Removing his hand completely before tearing off a small part of his cape and using it to... clean the area between your legs.

You were stunned.

Why was he being so nice? Scara never cared before if you were tired what happened to him?

He seemed to almost read your mind.

"don't think about it too much. I've just come to the realization lately that not taking your fragile vessel into consideration during our... encounters may cause your body to experience damage and exhaustion over time. I want to keep you around for a while, so I'm going to make sure that you are in the right condition to leave from now on after we meet." He gets up and goes over to the waters edge close by and cleans the piece of blue fabric before returning and helping you clean up a little more. After that he orders you to drink some water too and sit for a bit before heading off.

He stays with you this time too. Watching you almost protectively as you catch your breath and lay against a tree not too far away from him.

This man was different.

He wasn't Kabukimono.

But he also wasn't Scaramouche.

If anything he seemed to be a mix of both.

You liked Wanderer.

Even if you weren't used to him yet.

And you honestly didn't want there to be a next meetup.

You wanted to stay with him forever.

And for some reason you had a feeling that he wanted the same this time.

[alchemyofmaya]

When you’re healthy.. you’re not always going to be thinking about having your own needs met. You don’t need others to complete you. You show up as your whole self, ready to share you and your life with others without codependency and enmeshment. You become more patient. The fact that you understand your wounds, reminds you to be gentle with others because we’ve all been wounded. You become the medicine.

Be so secure in yourself that you have the capacity to hold space for others while they remember their wholeness.

When you come into connection with another, you don’t become one, you create the holy Trinity.

[homesick4la]

complicated — hamzahthefantastic

2. with you all night

contains: 18+ content mdni! nsfw at all lol smut and a bit of fluff towards the end!

summary: your night gets much more interesting when you decide to go back to your ex’s apartment.

a/n: this starts exactly where the last part ended!

last part: pushing it down and praying

reentering the main room, you quickly find matthew still talking with his friends, completely oblivious. you force a smile and touch his arm lightly, “hey, i really don’t feel good— think i’m gonna head home and go to bed.”

his brows furrow, believing your act. “did you want me to give you a ride home?”

“no, no! i’ll just get an uber! i don’t want to take you away from your friends.” you give him a reassuring smile.

he nods, “alright, well text me when you get home.” he says before giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

with that, you make your way through the crowd once again. your heart racing as you grow closer to the front door.

you worry that hamzah has already left as you finally open the door. but there he was, leaning against a wall with his hands shoved in his pockets.

it was much darker outside, the empty street only illuminated by a few warm toned street lights.

“figured you’d ditch me.” he says, his tone teasing.

“thought about it.” you reply, smirking as you begin walking down the sidewalk.

he quickly falls into step beside you, so close that you can feel your hands brush every so often.

the tension crackles between the two of you, the quiet night air only heightening it.

“so, does ‘new guy’ know you’ve got terrible taste in music?” hamzah teases, tilting his head to the side, glancing over at you.

you roll your eyes, “he doesn’t have terrible taste- he actually listens to my playlists without skipping every other song”, you shoot back, unable to hide the grin on your face.

“ouch!” he presses a hand to his chest dramatically, “hey! i let you play your music in my car. that’s love, you know.”

you laugh, shaking your head. “yeah, well that is because you wouldn’t know good music if it hit you in the face.”

he chuckles, leaning in a little closer, “i knew a good thing when i saw it,” he says softly, allowing his words to linger in the crisp night air.

you roll your eyes, scoffing. “that line might work on your other hook-ups, but i know you too well for that.”

he grins, lifting his hands in a pretend surrender.

“alright, alright. so maybe i am laying it on thick. but you can’t blame me— you show up looking like that and expect me to just…behave?”

“mm maybe that was my plan all along, to see if you’ve learned to control yourself.”

he laughs lowly, shaking his head to himself. “you’re dangerous, you know that?”

“dangerous?”, you chuckle. “that’s rich coming from you.”

you’re almost at his building now, and the banter has done absolutely nothing to kill the tension between you. once you reach his door, he turns to you, eyes flickering over your face.

“you’ve still got time to change your mind.” he whispers, his tone sounding almost daring.

you sigh, “actually, i’m just here because i wanted to see if your apartment is still as messy as i remember.”

he chuckles as he unlocks the door, “guess you gotta come in then.”

as you walk inside, your heart is racing. after you hear the door click shut behind you, you feel his hands pull at your waist, turning you around so you’re face-to-face. he walks you backwards until your back meets the cold surface of the front door.

“seriously, y/n, you’re sure about this?” he questions, his dark eyes staring into yours.

all of your doubts has melted away with the warmth of his touch. you wanted him bad. you were sure about that.

“i’m a hundred-percent sure, hamzah.”

in half a second, his lips are connecting with yours. kissing you with an urgency that sent shivers down your body. his hands settle to your hips, pressing your body against the door as he quickly deepens the kiss, almost as if he was making up for lost time.

the familiarity of his warmth, his scent, the pressure of his body against yours— it’s all so undeniably comfortable and intoxicating. you felt like a missing piece of yourself was put back in place.

you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. his lips place slow kisses along your jaw to your neck as his hands steadily hold you in place.

you close your eyes, allowing yourself to indulge in the sensation.

he pulls away, resting his forehead to yours. “i don’t want to mess this up.” he says breathlessly.

you cradle his face between your hands, “then don’t.” you smile.

that’s all he needs to hear before he presses a quick kiss to your lips and slipping his hand into yours, leading you down the familiar hallway to bedroom.

he glances back at you every so often, making sure that you were real behind him— that this was all really happening.

as you reach his bedroom, the dim light of the hallway spills in. the air of the dark room is thick with anticipation.

he closes the door softly behind you. his gaze then meets yours- his eyes are filled with a certain longing, a certain hunger.

he walks towards you, his hands landing on your hips as he pulls you into another kiss. it’s heated. sloppy. urgent. his fingers press into the skin of your hips as if he simply can’t get enough of you.

he lifts you effortlessly by the hips, causing you to instinctively wrap your legs around him as he carries you to his bed.

he sits at the edge of the bed, holding you down in his lap. his lips crash into yours, his hands slipping under your shirt, wondering aimlessly upon your skin.

you pull away from the kiss and tug at the hem of his t-shirt. hamzah assists you in pulling it off and once it is off, you waste no time running your hands along his biceps, forearms, shoulders, peppering kisses along his jaw.

his head tilts back, “god, i’ve missed you.” he mutters breathlessly.

you lift your head, looking into his eyes, “you never stopped thinking about me, huh?” you tease.

“not for a fucking second.” he replies, a devilish smile plastered on his face as he begins pulling your shirt off of you.

he disregards your shirt, throwing it to the floor.

“lie down for me.” he demands, his voice soft. “wanna see all of you.”

you climb off of his lap, lying down in the middle of his bed. he promptly pulls your skirt down your legs, your underwear coming down with it. you feel vulnerable as you lie completely naked with him watching over you.

however your insecurities dissipate as he whispers, “you’re killing me, y/n. you’re so fucking beautiful and you don’t even know it.”

he gets rid of his jeans, his erection more prominent through just his boxers. he sits down beside you, back flat against his headboard. “c’mere”, he says, motioning you to his lap once again.

the second you straddle him, his mouth finds your nipple, sucking it into his mouth. his fingers splay against your back as you shamelessly rock your hips against his covered erection.

“lift up real quick”, he says patting one of your hips as he gives you the instructions.

you do as he says, going onto your knees.

he leaves a quick kiss to your ribcage before smoothly moving down the mattress, not stopping until his head was perfectly positioned between your thighs.

“sit, baby.” he says. as his hands go to your hips, guiding you to his face. you let out a sharp gasp as your heat reaches his mouth- his tongue instantly working against you.

“fuck, hamzah.” you cry out, your hands flying to the headboard in front of you, desperate to grip onto something.

he hums against you, continuing to eat you out in a way that left you seeing stars. he was absolutely starved for you. prideful, satisfied groans leaving the back of his throat each time you whimpered or moaned incoherent words.

his tongue pushes in and out of you, drags across your folds and circles your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves.

you let out a loud cry as your pleasure reaches its peak. the orgasm especially intense as you hadn’t had one in a while- matthew’s focus was always on his own pleasure rather than yours.

hamzah’s fingers trace your lower back as you catch your breath. after a moment, he helps you lie back down on the bed beside him.

he hovers over you, “you need a second?”

you shake your head as you smirk, reaching your arms upward and linking your fingers at the nape of his neck. “nope, want you right now.”

he smiles excitedly. “arms above your head.”

you listen to him and watch as he reaches to his nightstand, grabbing his belt that laid on top of it.

“you trust me?” he questions. you nod eagerly.

“use your words, baby. are you okay with this?”

“yes, i want it hamzah.” you reply.

he took your wrists in one of his hands and brought them to the metal bar of his headboard. you felt your heart beat faster as he finished looping your wrists to the bar, restricting your movement.

he bends down, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. then he starts kissing down your jaw, to your neck, your collarbone, between your breasts. you’re almost certain he’s leaving marks as he goes but it feels way too good for you to care.

he gets up for a second, removing his boxers. you bite your lower lip at the sight of his hard erection.

he climbs back over you, positioning one arm on the side of you while he stroke himself with the other.

he begins slowly running his cock up and down through your folds, a feeling that leaves you whimpering and arching your back.

“you’re such a tease.” you whine, causing him to give you a cocky grin as he pushes his erection inside of you.

you moan at the stretch of him inside of you, a pleasurable pain.

a load groan leaves his throat as soon as he’s fully inside of you, his head tilting back and his eyes shutting at the feeling of your warmth around him.

“fuck, you feel so good.” he says, slowly thrusting in and out of you.

all you can do is nod in agreement as your chest rises and falls rapidly, overwhelmed with pleasure.

as he increases his pace, he reaches under your right leg- throwing it over his shoulder so he can push even deeper inside.

your body is completely at his mercy and it turns you on more than you could ever imagine.

your lips part open in pleasure, a moan of his name escaping them every so often. his thrusts get rougher, leaving you feel as if you were literally floating.

gradually, you feel orgasm build once again, feeling even more intense than the last.

“i’m so close, hamzah.” you cry.

“i know, baby, let it all out.” he replies, keeping up his quick pace.

as you hit your peak, you arch your back more than you thought possible, making up for the lack of being able to grip onto anything with your hands. you whimper his name, repeating it as if it was a fucking prayer.

hamzah reaches his high with you, groaning loudly as you feel his warm release inside of you. the feeling was absolutely euphoric. how did you ever last that long without him?

after he pulls out of you, he reaches to the headboard- releasing your wrists from the restraint. then he plops down next to you on the bed, the both of you lying on your backs trying to catch your breaths after your highs.

after a few seconds, you break the silence.

“holy shit, hamzah.” you exclaim, still out of breath from the intensity of your orgasm.

he chuckles, “you gonna admit that you missed me now?” he teases.

“you’re an idiot.” you laugh.

“of course i missed you.” you continue, turning your head towards him.

he grins, putting his arm around you and kissing your temple.

you two lay there for a few minutes, soaking in the silence of the night, feeling comfortable in the dim lighting of his bedroom.

you reach for your phone on the ground, picking it up to check the time. 1:26 am.

“fuck- it’s late. i guess i should go.” you say, shimmying out of his hold and putting your underwear back on.

“just stay the night— i mean, if you want to. you can use my shower and borrow some clothes.” he suggests, seeming a bit nervous.

you consider it, thinking about how the longer you stay, the more painful it’s gonna feel when it’s all over.

but you are tired. and getting an uber at this time would be difficult so it made the most sense to stay, right?

if you were being honest with yourself, you really just wanted to stay a little longer in the place you felt was your second home for so long.

“you sure? i don’t want to intrude.” you look at him.

“you’re not intruding at all, y/n.” he responds quietly.

he throws on his boxers and leads you to the bathroom, grabbing you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers on the way.

he turns on the water for you as soon as the two of you enter the bathroom, letting the water warm up. he leaves the folded up clothes on the counter and pulls out a spare toothbrush from under his bathroom sink.

“alright- there’s a new toothbrush and all my skincare stuff is still in this drawer if you want to use it any of it, uh- need anything else?” he says, turning back around to you.

“no, this is good, thank you.” you smile softly.

he goes to leave, and then you stop him.

“hamzah, wait.” as nervous you are to ask, you simply crave more of his presence. “will you stay and shower with me?” you question, your voice quiet.

he nods. without a word he walks towards you, helping you take off you underwear. his touch soft and gentle.

after removing his boxers, he guides you into the shower. the two of you engulfed in the steam of the shower, facing one another.

you wash each other’s hair, a constant stream of smiles and giggles coming from both of you. there was such a sweet innocence to the moment. you felt as if you were in your own little world, just you and hamzah.

you completely let yourself forget that you were ex’s, that you were dating matthew, that this was gonna completely change things moving forward.

you just let yourself enjoy what was happening.

you two complete your night routines together. cracking jokes as you bump elbows in the small bathroom.

after, you curl up in his bed. the familiar scent of his sheets and the warmth of hamzah’s body next to yours bringing you immense comfort as you drift off into sleep.

…

you wake up to the soft morning light filtering through sheer curtains. looking to your side, you find blue curled up next to you. at the end of the bed, red lies sprawled out with his belly up.

“you two haven’t changed at all.” you laugh, reaching down to pet red.

at that moment, hamzah walks into the room carrying a tray with two coffees and a brown paper bag.

“hey sleepy girl. the cats already fighting over you?”

you laugh at his question, “they missed me.” you smile as blue crawls into your lap.

he hands you a coffee and pulls out a bagel from the paper bag.

“iced vanilla latte with oat milk. extra ice. everything bagel. extra cream cheese.” he recites proudly, waiting for your reaction.

“show off.” you tease, taking a bite of the bagel before thanking him.

you two sit on the bed, eating your bagels while playing with the cuddly kittens next to you.

you feel as if the two of you have slipped right back into routine, as if no time had ever passed at all.

but the truth was time had passed. and you two had ended things for a reason. and now, things were about to get even more complicated.

next part: brown eyes at the entrance

a/n: i never know when to stop lol hope u guys enjoyed it!!!!! the title is from this inhaler song eek k bye muah

[giorno-plays-piano]

Ars Amatoria

Ancient Rome AU

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, chase, period-typical violence, death of minor characters, Satoru is the Emperor's brother.

Words: 3.1k

Summary: By the end of the second month, you could no longer leave the house without numerous servants circling around you. He is everywhere, whether it is a market or an arena, a house of your father's friend or a city street. If you stay alone, he always comes to talk to you even if for a minute. When you are surrounded by servants and family, he will find a way to attract your attention simply to wave to you from afar. Nothing can keep him away.

__________

He is right behind you.

Nothing betrays his presence but his erratic breathing as he makes a step closer, leaning in to get a whiff of your hair while you freeze like a statue. The sick bastard somehow always catches you alone as if he knows in advance when you give a command to the maids to fetch something. He is always there, a shadow behind a curtain. He has been following you for months, and there is nothing you can do to stop him.

"Greetings, my lady," he snickers, thrilled from the proximity. "I've missed you."

Your hands get cold, but you forbid yourself to tremble. Satoru Gojo is a predator through and through, and showing fear in front of him is akin letting him sink his teeth into you.

"This is very improper, my lord. There will be talks."

As if he ever cared about it. Being a younger brother of the Emperor has its benefits: Satoru Gojo can do anything he wants and will not get punished for any offense except for treason. Nevertheless, you hate to admit, he is not a spoiled and pampered boy he pretends to be. With years spent on a conquest of neighboring lands to expand the Empire's territory, he is well-versed in the arts of war and politics. Truly, despite his odd character, he is an honorable member of the Imperial family, and the Senate speaks well of him.

If only not for his inexplicable obsession with a woman he hardly knows.

You've met him at the Saturnalia, on the second day of the festivities in the house of one of the senators. Your father, albeit not a politician, knows his trade well, and it earned him enough respect and support to be invited. His only surviving child, you were brought along to enjoy the guising among the other sons and daughters. You did not expect any disturbance: soft-spoken and well-educated, you knew how to enjoy the carnival without inviting trouble. Unfortunately for you, the trouble found you in the face of a masked suitor who spent the whole evening beside you.

He was so charming that night. Holding your hand, he recited poetry and spoke of legends he learned in the faraway lands, enjoying your full attention. As you two drank wine and ate fruits on the terrace in the middle of the night, he pointed at the stars at the sky and told you many, many stories about each of them. At one point, you suggested he was making them up to feed your curiosity, but it only flattered you. It seemed the stranger was enamored by you, too.

By early morning, when drunk and sleepy guests were finally leaving the house, you let your suitor drop a kiss to your hand and gave him a little fibula with your father's insignia on it. While it wasn't very wise to search encounter with masked strangers outside of Saturnalia, you couldn't believe a senator would have unworthy guests under his roof. Besides, your suitor seemed to cultured and well-behaved, you thought knowing a little more about him wouldn't hurt. Your maids would never betray your secret, and you were too clever to do anything that could cause unnecessary talks.

When you heard his voice behind you on the third day of the festivities, you thought it was a happy coincidence he'd found you so fast. When you saw the face of a man you knew from the celebration the Emperor held for him after his return from the conquest, you realized what a dangerous game you were playing. Satoru Gojo was no match for a rich merchant's daughter. You were not meant for the life of the court or high politics. When he spoke of courtship, you realized the dangers awaiting you if you were mad enough to accept his offer. That is, if Emperor wouldn't assassinate you before marriage for daring to seduce someone well-above your rank.

You rejected him carefully. Surely, it was not his fault: neither of you knew the identity of the other that night. Satoru seemed strangely hot-headed for an acclaimed general to be offering courtship so early, but your father often spoke of the vigor of young soldiers to marry. Perhaps, when a bit of time passes, he would realize his mistake.

But Satoru Gojo did not accept the rejection. He smiled, flashing his pearly white teeth, and assured you he would come to you later, when you would grow accustomed to the thought of marriage.

This was how the chase began. By the end of the second month, you could no longer leave the house without numerous servants circling around you. He is everywhere, whether it is a market or an arena, a house of your father's friend or a city street. If you stay alone, he always comes to talk to you even if for a minute. When you are surrounded by servants and family, he will find a way to attract your attention simply to wave to you from afar. Nothing can keep him away. In fact, you are left wondering why he did not yet drag you to his house: in his position, he can do anything he wishes, and neither your father nor his senator friends can save you. Perhaps, the predator that he is, he simply enjoys the chase.

When your father summons you at the end of the fifth month, you are certain he will speak of this marriage. You are the only child of his that survived past infancy, and he cares for you greatly. You know he does not want to give you away only to see you perish from an assassin's knife or poisoned wine sent by Satoru Gojo's enemies, but he has no choice. No one can offer you protection.

Yet, your father does not speak of marriage. "Gather your things," he says firmly, a sealed letter in his hands. "Tonight, you will depart to Cilicia. A good friend of mine has offered you refuge until things will settle down here. I will send guards and servants with you. If the general asks, I will pretend you are sick and need to recover before you are seen in public."

For a second, you think you forget how to breathe. Leave? You can leave?

"But what if he still wants to visit?"

The man rubs the bridge of his nose, his eyes tired, and head bowed. "I will say you are contagious and should be kept away."

"But what if he sends me a doctor?"

When your father lifts up his greying head from his heavy wooden desk, you realize he is ready to die for the offense if only it gets you away from the Emperial bastard. You can't go. If your suitor finds out the truth, your house will burn. He will kill everyone for your father's lie.

"You will go to Cilicia even if I have to bind you by the hands and feet," your father says with such determination you know he will stay true to his word despite any pleas. You were blind to the depth of his love for you, his only child, and it brings you to tears.

When you leave, you have but a couple of maids to keep you company, all of them frightened but obedient to your father's will. For hours, you do not speak, staring into the darkness as the cart is being dragged further and further away from the capital until you no longer hear anything but the sound of hooves. You fear the uncertainty, but Satoru Gojo and the danger surrounding him scares you more. The way his eyes always seem searching for you in a crowd, his normally pale cheeks a shade of bright pink the second his gaze lands on you; the way he touches you tenderly, trembling from excitement when his hand reaches for your hair, hidden beneath the veil... There is something very disturbing about him, and you fear the future where you are his wife and his has power over you. Would he truly love you as he promised on the third day of Saturnalia? Was the man reciting poems to you like an actor on the stage of a theater truly Satoru Gojo? Or was it all a pretense to capture your attention, a predator's instinct to lure its prey? He plagues your thoughts long after you left your home.

By the time you reach the next big city, it's been days, and you crave a hot bath and a proper meal before going to sleep in a real bed: the tiny villages you crossed could offer little comfort even for big money, and everyone surrounding you is equally exhausted from long travel. You need a little rest before continuing further. Surely, one or two days won't hurt? You need to exchange the horses, anyway, and the servants and guards require rest as much as you.

While you avoid all public spaces, you cannot resist balnea that is conveniently close to your inn. You smell worse than a cattle. Far from home and surrounded by your people, you are somewhat pacified by the thought of Satoru being far away: you do not think he could have already found you. Surely, despite his status, he is only a man. Enjoying your time at the public bathes, you forget your worries for a minute, and your maids are grateful for a little respite.

When you return to your quarters, the inn is strangely quiet. You do not see it at first, chatting with the girls, all of you finally clean and proper, your skin shining in the sunlight. By the time you reach the doors, you see the blood leaking on the floor from behind them. The maids, untrained in the matters of murder, scream as you stare at the pool of crimson liquid, your body numb. Before you know it, you run.

Who is it? Who would hunt you down to kill? Satoru might be deranged, but he'd rather catch you to have you for himself instead of murdering you for defiance. It must be someone else. Is it the Emperor? Is he finally aware his younger brother is publicly humiliating himself, pleading for the hand of a woman who is below him? Is it someone else?

Tears are spilling down your cheeks as you choke on air, running the streets like a mad woman, your maids and servants abandoned somewhere behind along with everything your father gave you for protection. There is nothing you can do, alone and defenseless in a strange city. You are going to die. Oh gods, you are going to die today.

Turning away to see if anyone chases you, you suddenly crush into someone, the wind knocked out of you from such forceful encounter. You would hit the ground if the stranger did not pull you up by the hands. Disoriented, you turned your head to him, tears clouding your vision. Was he the killer? The assassin sent by the Emperor? Was he going to stab you with a knife or cut your head off and bring to his master as proof?

Instead, you hear Satoru Gojo's troubled voice, "Are you injured?"

Before you blink away the tears, he already drags you away from the street to a tiny back alley, wrapping you in his thick wool cloak to hide you from prying eyes. He shushes you, his warm hand on your head as he nudges your face into his chest, asking you to keep quiet, and you stay still, the heat of his body almost burning your skin. Another minute pass, and you hear the shouts of those who were chasing you before they fade away as men continue on, convinced you are still running ahead of them. Every single hair on your body stands on end. Someone truly sent assassins after you.

"Please, help," you plead, ready to sink to your knees and kiss Satoru's feet for a chance to get to safety. "P-please! I'll do anything you ask, just get me out of here!"

His clear blue eyes shine in the darkness of the alley when he smiles at you, his head held high as he promises proudly, "Of course, love. Stay close."

Never in those months you've known him you could imagine asking him for help. His proximity meant nothing but trouble even if he was kind to you, sending you gifts or reading poems, because danger always follows people of his statue wherever they go. Now, though, he is your only chance of leaving the city safely, and you aren't going to waste it.

You cling to him like a child to their mother, following him from an alley to an alley as he eyes the streets, his other hand on the handle of his sword, ready to draw it the second he sees a threat to you. While you never truly thought of him as a hero, used to seeing him in a rather unbecoming of a man state, Satoru Gojo is not only a good soldier: he is the best Imperial Legion can offer. Scanning the crowd, he quickly moves from one place to another without drawing attention, and you barely register as you end up next to his soldiers, all of them armed.

You fail to register your two maids among them, but they quickly remind you of themselves with their shouts, crying as they run to you. Luckily, they are unharmed, you think as you sob, too.

"We need to get moving," Satoru proclaims, saddling his steed and extending his hand to you. "Quick, come."

Needles to say, you are too scared to argue, and you mount the steed with your savior sitting just behind you. Strangely, instead of usual dread, you feel safe with him. He is here to protect you.

Your maids ride with the soldiers as you make way outside of the city, not stopping for what seems like hours to you. Not once you see your pursuers, but, perhaps, it simply fails your attention: all the soldiers Satoru brought are on guard, and you can see the unease on their faces. Indeed, you are simply lucky to get away on time.

By the time you finally stop, your thighs and back ache, and your mouth is dry as if you spent the day in a desert. You lost your new woolen palla somewhere in the city, and your long stola is torn and surely caked with dirt. Oh, your poor father would have a stroke if he could see you now.

"I'm sorry for the uncomfortable journey," your suitor smiles at you, helping you get off the horse as you moan from pain. He then wraps his spare cloak around your shoulders and puts cloth on the fallen tree for you to sit on. "The cart would slow us down, and we couldn't afford losing more time."

You ask, agitated, "Are we safe now?"

Sadly, he shakes his head. "Not until we're back in the capital. I will keep you from harm, but the assassins sent after you are not some street rats. We need to get home."

You have no tears left after today's chase, and all you do is hide your face in your palms, moaning in exhaustion. What have you done to warrant this savagery? What crime have you committed?

"Why do they want my head?" You exhale, looking up to the man in front of you, and his expression falls. Even he feels sorry for you

Landing next to you, he rubs his shoulder, seemingly tired from this race as much as you are. "You are my chosen one. They want to hurt me."

Blood rushes to your head when you hear him admit it. It is his fault. You are being hunted for the pleasure of his enemies. All the time spent avoiding and rejecting him, all these efforts to escape to Cilicia... it all is for nothing. You are already a target despite refusing marriage.

Seeing the change in your expression, Satoru is quick to grab your hands in his and speak again. "I am at fault. I should have stopped you from leaving. I have been guarding you everywhere you go since the time we met, but I cannot give you the same protection elsewhere. My enemies have been watching you since Saturnalia."

Horrified, you stare at his handsome face, his pale cheeks and the tip of his nose red from sunburn. From Saturnalia? You have been a target for so long? How did you survive for months without even realizing you were being hunted? How could your father not know someone was watching your house? Your guards? Your servants?

Satoru's rough, callous hands squeeze yours tenderly as you sob again, angry at him but still grateful for your escape. You were doomed from the start, weren't you? Nothing you could do would change anything. All of this has been for nothing, even your poor father's attempt to hide you in a faraway province. You would always end up here, with Satoru, or simply dead somewhere on the streets.

"I tried to tell you, but you did not want to listen to me," he whispers gently as he embraces you, his hands wrapped around your back as he shifts you to sit in his lap. "Please, do not weep, love. I will deliver you back to safety."

"What s-safety?" You hiccup, disillusioned with all your attempts to separate from him. "So they would watch the house of my father and strike us later?"

When the man lands a soft kiss to your forehead, you sniff, palms pressed to his chest. It's all his fault. Even if he was not stalking you for his own pleasure all this time, it's still all his fault for you ending up like this, for the death of your people.

"No, no," he reassures you quickly. "We will get married, and you will live in my house. No one can get through the gates unless I personally give them permission. If you so wish, you will not see a single soul in your chambers for months."

Sounds like a dream, you think, tired and hungry and upset. Not having to worry about your life taken in your sleep is now a luxury you cannot afford.

"You promise?" You murmur into his ear, curling against him, abandoning all modesty for why would you be modest with a man you will marry upon entering the capital?

"Promise," he whispers in response, his cheeks sickly pink again as he delivers a kiss to the top of your head.

_______

Tags: @shybluebirdninja

[piastrisun]

i know i'd go back to you.

pairings: charles leclerc + fem reader.

summary: the two cross paths again as they realise letting go was what they needed to find their way back to each other.

genre: hurt/comfort.⠀word count: 4.5k.⠀ warning: none.

request: first request!!!!! everyone cheered (me). ty so so much. <3

notes: back to you by selena gomez. when there’s more than one space between paragraphs it means it’s a time jump. i hope it’s not tedious and it's understandable.

PART ONE.⠀ ⠀PART TWO.⠀ ⠀ ALTERNATIVE ENDING?

autumn is just a step away, the crispness of the air hinting at change. it has been almost three months since your relationship with charles came to an end, yet the memory of that night clings to you like the lingering summer heat. time moves forward relentlessly, but you find yourself stuck, your heart unable to catch up with the weeks.

the leaves begin to turn brown, their vibrant hues echoing the transformation stirring within you. new york is everything you imagined it would be—vibrant, chaotic, alive with possibility. the art program consumes your days, each moment pushing you to create, to dig deeper into your passion. but when the city finally quiets down at night, that familiar ache returns. you think of him. even though leaving was the right choice, part of you wonders if you’ll ever feel completely whole again.

your small flat in brooklyn is a world away from the life you had with him in monaco. it’s yours, it’s freeing. it offered you a fresh start, a chance to rediscover who you are outside of the life you are used to. but even in the midst of pursuing your dreams, there’s a void. you’ve been in touch with all you family ever since you left, they say this heartache is normal, that healing is part of the process. but as the weeks turn into months, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re waiting for something—though you’re not sure what. maybe it’s an apology, a sign from the universe, or even a call from him. the silence between you remains unbroken, thick and impenetrable. and while you never ask them directly about charles, you know most of them can sense what’s going on beneath the surface. especially friends in common, they always seems to know.

however, most of your time there has been incredible, a dream come true in so many ways. you learned things you wouldn’t have in home, met so many wonderful people, and a new world so full of life. maybe this program, this city, was what you needed to find yourself, but did it mean losing him forever? you thought the decision to leave everything would give you clarity. that it would finally help you breathe again, and it does. but also creates a different kind of weight, pulling at your chest whenever you think about what could have been, about the life you envisioned together.

meanwhile, charles wakes up to another empty morning in his flat, a space that once buzzed with shared laughter, quiet conversations, and the small comforts of your presence. now, there’s only silence. he moves through his routine on autopilot, each action reminding him of your absence. he never told you to leave—never wanted you to—but he knows his choices, the way he let life pull him away from you, drove you to walk out the door. the guilt hangs heavy, like a shadow he can’t shake. since you left, everything feels hollow to him. he goes to work, travels for races, puts on the show the world expects of him, but inside, he’s always thinking of you. of the last look you gave him, the hurt in your eyes. he wishes he could go back, say the things he didn’t, fix the cracks that were already starting to show.

the apartment is a constant reminder. your favorite books are still on the shelf, your art supplies untouched, like some part of him hopes you’ll walk back in and pick up where you left off. but he knows better. he knows he failed you. he knows he has to apologise. you needed space to grow, to explore your art, and he, without realizing it, held you back.

in a desperate attempt to make things right, he searches for ways to show he understands. he wants you to know that if you decide to come back, he’s ready to be the person you needed all along. though he’s unsure if you will return, he clings to that hope. maybe one day, he’ll find your way back to you. he’ll always go back to you.

the knock at your door startles you, pulling you away from the last-minute packing for your evening out with some friends from the art program. it’s a celebratory dinner, a chance to mark the end of an era before possibly returning to monaco. you weren’t expecting anyone, but when you open the door, the last person you imagine seeing is arthur, charles’ younger brother. he stands there, his posture tense, his eyes filled with a seriousness you’ve rarely seen from him. his presence instantly shifts the atmosphere, and the excitement of your evening fades. this was something serious.

“hey,” he says, cutting off your attempt to greet him, and stepping inside without waiting for an invitation, as if the urgency of his visit is enough reason to intrude. “i know this is unexpected. and i’m not here to pry, believe me.” he reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out a plane ticket and placing it in your hand. “this is your way back. you need to go home.”

you blink down at the ticket, heart stuttering in your chest. “what—what is this?” you start, but arthur keeps talking, his voice calm with conviction.

“you and charles are meant to be together. i’ve never seen two people more right for each other than you two.”

you blink in shock, staring down at the ticket in your hands. “wait…”

you open your mouth to protest, but arthur cuts you off again. “look, he’s been a mess without you. he won’t say it, probably doesn’t even know how to. he doesn’t want to hold you back again. not after everything.” his voice softens, eyes searching yours for a flicker of understanding. “i don’t know if coming back is what you have in mind, but if it is, just consider what i said.”

“does he know you’re here?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper, the weight of the moment pressing down on you.

arthur shakes his head. “no. and i’m not planning on telling him. this isn’t for him, not entirely. it’s for you, too,” he says, his gaze unwavering. “i know you’ve found something here, and i’m not saying you should give it up. but if there’s a part of you that still loves him—” his voice lowers, “and i know there is—you should go back. it’s not something you can just walk away from. not forever.”

his words hit harder than you expected, leaving you standing there, speechless. arthur knows you nearly as well as charles does, and he’s never been one to get involved unless he truly believed it was necessary. and here he was, standing in your tiny flat in new york, asking you to come home. your time on the other side of the world has been everything, but you can’t deny his words. you don’t want to abandon what you’ve built here, but you also can’t avoid the thought of charles, waiting for you, even if he hasn’t said a word.

arthur’s voice is softer now, almost pleading. “just think about it. you’re doing amazing things here, i know. but are you really happy without him?”

you look up at him, emotions swirling, and for a moment, all the memories of charles come rushing back—his laugh, the way he used to look at you when you talked about your future together, his bright eyes, the warmth of those moments, and the plans of the wedding that never happened. the ticket feels heavier than it should.

arthur gives you a small, understanding smile, sensing your hesitation. “don’t wait too long, alright?”

for days, the plane ticket sits on your bedside table, untouched, as you try to avoid the decision in front of you. everywhere you go in new york reminds you of him—his voice, his presence, as if he’s been a part of this city with you all along. you wonder what he’s doing, if he’s thought about you, and what would happen if you went back.

the night before your flight is scheduled, you stand by your window, staring at the skyline, trying to convince yourself that staying is the right choice. the city has given you so much, but your heart still belongs to monaco—belongs to him. the pull toward him is stronger than you can ignore. in the quiet hours of the morning, something shifts. without thinking too much, you grab your suitcase, the ticket in hand, and head to the airport. your heart pounds in your chest as you board the plane, unsure of what’s waiting for you on the other side.

when the plane lands, the air feels different—heavier, somehow. but the familiarity settles around you. after checking into a hotel, you debate calling him, texting him, but something stops you. it’s not your turn to make the first move this time. instead, you send a quick message to arthur, letting him know you’ve arrived. his response is immediate: you did the right thing. but what if it wasn’t? what if charles isn’t home? what if he’s moved on? what if he doesn’t want to see you at all?

days pass, and you intentionally steer clear of the familiar spots that once felt like home. each corner brings a rush of nostalgia, a reminder of the life you built together. the park bench where you’d spent lazy afternoons in each other’s company, the part of the town in which he proposed—each place holds memories that now feel too heavy to bear. you feel like a ghost in a city that should feel welcoming, yet instead feels foreign and haunting. the sun sets and rises, but you remain in a haze, caught between your desire for freedom and the pull of the love you left behind. you stroll along the waterfront, watching the yachts bob gently in the harbor, their beauty stark against the turmoil inside you.

then, fate, or whatever it is, intervenes. you catch sight of charles in the distance, at the café you were going to get into, the one both used to love, the one you were about the scent of freshly brewed coffee fills the air, mingling with the warmth of sunlight streaming through the large windows, casting a golden glow that feels almost magical. as you step inside, a wave of nostalgia washes over you, but it quickly gives way to something sharper. your heart races the moment your eyes meet his across the room. he freezes, surprise evident on his face, clearly unaware you were back in town. his expression shifts from shock to something more vulnerable.

a whirlwind of emotions surges within you—excitement, fear, and a deep-seated ache pulling you toward him even as your mind races with uncertainty. yet, the familiarity of it all wraps around you like a comforting blanket.

he stands there, momentarily rooted in place, his eyes searching yours as if trying to unravel the months and emotions that have drifted between you. in that split second, memories flood back with stunning clarity: the late nights spent talking until dawn, sharing dreams that felt boundless, the whispered promises of forever.

charles swallows hard, the tension in his shoulders relaxing just a fraction as he takes a hesitant step closer. “hey, you’re back,” his voice is gentle, almost hesitant, as though he’s not sure if you’re really standing there in front of him. his shoulders relax, but his eyes remain locked on yours.

you offer a small smile, trying to steady the rush of emotions rising in your chest. “yeah. summer’s over, so it’s not that unexpected.” you let out a soft laugh, an attempt to bring lightness into the conversation, to ease the weight that’s hung between you both since the moment you parted. he chuckles, a sound you’ve missed more than you’d care to admit. it feels like home. “sorry, terrible joke. how have you been?” you ask, curiosity and nervousness intertwining in your voice.

charles tilts his head slightly, his expression softening as he mirrors your question. “do you want the truth, the lie, or a vague answer?” his lips curve into that playful smile you remember so well, the one that used to make your heart skip a beat. you nod, the tension easing as you laugh softly, choosing the third option to keep things light. “i’ve been… okay, trying to figure things out.” he runs a hand through his hair, his fingers lingering for a moment, as though buying himself time. his eyes flicker with a thousand unsaid words before he asks, “you? how was your summer?”

you swallow, a mix of pride and hesitation bubbling inside you. “it was good, actually. i painted a lot and explored some really cool places.” there’s a pause, a slight hitch in your breath before you add, “could’ve been better, though.”

his brows knit together, curiosity tugging at him. “why?” his voice is genuine, concern etched into the way he looks at you, unaware of the depth behind your words.

but before you can answer, you both step forward, the line moving as the barista glances your way. his attention shifts for a moment, but not before his gaze lingers on you, a thoughtful expression crossing his face.

“i’ll have the usual,” charles says, stepping up to order. his voice is calm, but there’s an underlying warmth to it. “two americanos, one with almond milk, and a blueberry scone, right?”

your heart swells with unexpected emotion, the simplicity of the gesture somehow making your breath catch. “you got it,” you whisper, almost to yourself, but loud enough for him to hear. he turns toward you, his smile quiet; he could never forget your picks. you try to hand him the money for your coffee, but he pushes your hand softly back to you, what he usually does to avoid letting you pay anything.

you both fall into silence as you wait for your coffees, the air between you thick with unsaid words. it’s familiar and yet uncharted at the same time, like returning to a place you know by heart but with the awareness that everything has changed.

when the drinks arrive, charles hands you yours, his fingers grazing yours for the briefest moment—a spark, a connection that neither of you can deny.

“can we talk?” his voice breaks the silence as you step out of the café, the bustling streets surrounding you, but it feels like you’re the only two people in the world.

“yeah, sure,” you nod, bracing yourself for whatever comes next, though your heart has already begun to race. you walk side by side, your steps falling into a rhythm that feels as natural as breathing. he glances at you, his gaze soft, almost vulnerable.

“i’ve missed you,” he admits quietly, as though he’s been holding those words inside for too long. you stop, turning to face him, the weight of everything between you hanging in the air.

“yeah, i’ve missed you too,” you say, and it’s the truth. the ache of missing him had never really gone away.

“i’m so sorry for the way things went,” charles continues, his voice low but steady. “i didn’t mean for things to end the way they did. i never wanted to lose you. you were right to do what you did. i see that now.” his hand reaches up, almost instinctively, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face, the familiar touch sending warmth through you. “i was too caught up in my own world to realise how important your dreams were.”

you look down for a moment, the weight of his words settling over you like a bittersweet memory. “you didn’t want to lose me, but you pushed me away,” you say, your voice soft but resolute. “i needed to do something for myself, and you made me feel like i had to choose between my art and us. it hurt.”

charles closes his eyes for a brief second, his expression pained. “i know, i’m sorry. i wish i could take it back,” he whispers, his voice thick with regret. “i was hurt, and it’s not an excuse. i should’ve been supportive. i should’ve let you chase your dreams without making you feel like you had to choose. and i should’ve spent my summer break there with you, even if it was just for a month.”

“you should’ve been, yes,” you agree, the truth hanging between you both like a fragile thread. “but it’s okay. you’re apologizing now, and i accept them.”

his relief is palpable. “i would’ve understood if you didn’t. i acted like an idiot,” he says, though there’s a sadness in his laugh. his eyes meet yours one more time. “you’re brilliant. you know that, right?”

a soft smile pulls at your lips, the tension in your chest loosening just slightly. “oh, whatever, charlie. you’ve apologised.”

his laughter comes easily this time, and something inside you softens. the nickname slips out without you realising, but it feels right, like muscle memory.

“what have you been up to since i left?” you ask, the question laced with curiosity, but also a cautious hope.

he hesitates for just a second before the excitement builds in his expression. “about that. i want you to see something,” he says, leading you forward. you follow him without question, your heart racing as you both make your way to his apartment—the one that used to be yours too. a block away from the café, your footsteps fall into a familiar rhythm.

when you reach the building, the air feels thick with memories. his fingers brush against your arm, guiding you in as if nothing has changed, and yet everything has.

“i found an amazing art consultant here,” charles says as you walk through the door. “she can connect you to a lot of artists across europe. i contacted her and showed her some of your work. she loved it.” his voice is filled with excitement, his eyes bright as he watches for your reaction.

your breath catches. “you have to be kidding me,” you say, your heart swelling at the thought of him doing this for you.

“never,” he says softly. “this could be your bridge back into that world.”

as you step into the flat, the familiarity of it hits you like a wave. everything is exactly where you left it—the photos, the little trinkets, even the paintings you’d made that still hang on the walls. you feel a warmth in your chest, realizing how much he’s held onto. even if it was just a three-month breakup, it felt like an eternity.

“you still have my things,” you say, a mix of surprise and emotion coloring your voice. “you have everything.”

“why wouldn’t i?” he asks softly, his gaze filled with a tenderness you hadn’t expected. he leads you down the hallway, guiding you to a room you hadn’t stepped into for a long time.

“i—” charles pauses at the door, his hand resting on the handle as he inhales deeply. then, with a slow exhale, he opens it. “i cleared out the office and turned it into an art studio,” he says, his voice quieter now, almost unsure. “in case you came back, even if you didn’t. i wanted you to have a place to create, to feel inspired again.”

you step inside, your breath catching in your throat as you take it all in. the room feels like a dream, filled with all the supplies you’ve ever loved, organised exactly as you would’ve done it yourself. your pieces hang on the walls, even the new ones you had mentioned years ago. and there, on a shelf, is a small drawing he made for you when you first started dating—two figures, you and him, holding hands with the words, ‘i’m so lucky you fell in love with me’ written beneath.

“wow, you really thought about this,” you whisper, your voice soft as you take in the gesture, overwhelmed by the love behind it.

“every day,” charles admits, stepping closer, his voice thick with emotion. “i’ve been a mess without you. and you deserve to have everything you ask for, even when you don’t.”

your heart swells, and before you can stop yourself, the words tumble out: “i’m always going to love you, you know that?”

his eyes widen slightly, but there’s no hesitation when he responds. “i’m always going to love you too,” he says softly, his hand finding yours.

“i want to get back together. i want to do it right,” he adds, his voice steady but filled with hope. “if you take me. i don’t want to rush anything, but i want you to know that i’m here to support you, wherever that takes us. and i’ll do anything for you to trust me again.”

you hold his gaze, the weight of his words sinking in. “no running away,” you say, your heart in your throat. you want this, of course you do. “we have to do things right; it has to be different.” the way things had been left months ago didn't change how you perceived him; nothing ever could. he’s still the person you fell for nearly ten years ago. all you want from him is honesty, a genuine conversation about everything. and he’s finally doing that.

“i won’t,” charles promises, his voice unwavering. he steps closer, gently cupping your face, his thumb brushing your cheek with tender affection. “i promise you. i’m not going anywhere. not again.”

you search his eyes, looking for sincerity, willing yourself to believe him. “you need to mean that, charles. i can’t go through the hurt again. it would destroy me.”

he swallows hard, the weight of your words hanging heavily between you. “i do mean it,” he assures you, his voice steady yet tinged with urgency. “i’ve missed you too much to let you go again. i’ve been lost, trying to exist in a world that felt incomplete without you. i can’t let that happen again. and i won’t ever disappoint you again.”

you breathe deeply, feeling the truth in his words. “okay,” you murmur softly, allowing the warmth of his touch to pull you closer.

your lips meet his, and suddenly, the world around you disappears. the kiss is slow, yet filled with all the longing and love that had built up during your time apart—two hearts finding their way back to each other. his hands cradle your face as if you were something fragile, and you lean into him, your fingers tangling in his brown hair, the kiss deepening, passionate and full of the promise that this time would be different.

when you finally pull apart, his forehead rests against yours, both of you breathing heavily, overwhelmed by the rush of emotions. a playful smile tugs at charles’ lips. “so… boyfriend and girlfriend again?” his eyes glimmer with happiness, his grin widening as though he can’t believe this is real.

you laugh softly, shaking your head in disbelief. “oh, no,” you tease, a playful smile spreading across your lips as you brush your hand across his chest. he flinches for a moment, eyes widening in mock alarm, before recognition dawns and a grin breaks through. “we’re getting married, remember? you can’t back out now.”

his laughter fills the room, rich and full, as he leans in to kiss you again, this time gently, his lips brushing yours with sweet tenderness. “even better,” he whispers almost against your lips, and you can feel the smile on his face, the joy in his voice as he kisses you once more; he can’t stop it now. “just want to make sure i’m up to the task of being the best husband ever.”

charles gently pulls even you closer, his arms circling around you in a way that feels both familiar and entirely new. you sink into his embrace, your cheek resting against his chest, where you can feel the slow, steady rhythm of his heart. the hug feels like coming home. his arms tighten around you, and there’s a tenderness in the way he holds you, as though he’s afraid to let go, afraid you might slip away again.

when you finally pull back just enough to look up at him, there’s a softness in his eyes that mirrors everything you feel. and in that moment, with his arms still around you and the world outside feeling miles away, there’s a sense of relief in the air, a comfort neither of you thought you’d feel again so soon.

“you told someone we called it quits?” you ask, your voice teasing but with a hint of curiosity laced within it.

charles looks down at you, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “not exactly… just my family.”

you raise an eyebrow, playfully. “especially arthur, i’m guessing.”

he pauses, his smirk fading into a look of mild confusion, brow furrowing. “what do you mean?” he asks, his tone genuinely puzzled, not quite understanding where you’re going with this.

“oh, don’t bother, love,” you say with a knowing smile, your voice teasing. you think of how arthur, and perhaps even a few others, conspired to push you both back together. you’ll share the details with charles eventually, and the image of his reaction makes you smile. you know he’ll laugh, maybe even shed a few happy tears at the gesture.

he narrows his eyes in mock suspicion but decides not to press the issue. instead, his hand gently rubs circles on your back. “okay… but answering your question—everyone else thinks we only postponed the wedding.”

your eyes widen in surprise, and you pull back slightly to look at him. “oh! so you knew we could work it out, huh?”

he flashes a playful grin, the spark in his eyes returning. “sometimes i do know things, you know?”

the two of you burst into laughter, the kind that leaves your stomachs aching a little and your faces flushed with joy. it’s a bright, carefree moment, the kind that had been missing for too long.

as the laughter fades, you rest against him, your head finding its familiar spot on his chest, the rhythm of his heartbeat steadying your own. he presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, and for the first time in a long while, everything feels like it’s falling into place.

“we’re really doing this again, aren’t we?” you murmur, your voice filled with hope.

“we are,” charles whispers back, his arms tightening around you. “and this time, i’m going to get it right.”

he kisses you again, gently but with all the love he has in his heart. the world outside seems distant, unimportant, as the two of you stand in the stillness of the moment, wrapped in each other’s warmth. and as you look up at him, the man who had once made you question everything but who now stands here, ready to give you the world, you know that this time, there’s no more doubt. only love. it’s not just a new beginning—it’s the continuation of something that never truly ended. the end of one chapter and the start of forever.

©⠀piastrisun original work. please don’t translate, claim or repost any of my writing, 24’.

[stellarbit]

I loooove your tbb fics! Can I pretty please request a pervy tech fic? Like anywhere between a bit awkward kinda pervy to full weirdo :))

Word Count: 6.4k Pairing: tech x fem!reader Warnings: voyeurism, piv, creampie, panty fetish, peeping tom, exhibitionism, breeding kink Summary: Tech discovers a night time hobby of yours, one he doesn't realize is solely for him ps: imperfect proofreading

As your neighbor, Tech was aware of some of your avenues for relaxing. Your patio was often strewn with evidence of projects and hobbies- an underused hammock full of blankets and books, altered clothing strung up to dry, tubes of paint, and even a few tools from when you swindled Tech into teaching you how to repair your comm devices. Hobbies that, as seen by your failure to repair said devices, were often unfruitful.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to show up unannounced to the Batch’s home with a dinner invitation. Each time you’d have a feast prepared big enough to feed a family of Wreckers. Tech learned those were the worst weeks for you.

Some of your other outlets were less obvious, and by all means too private, for most to notice. Then again, most didn’t have a direct view into your bedroom. A view you often left unguarded and on full display.

Tech couldn’t blame you for not realizing your vulnerabilities. Afterall, his sight line was little more than a sliver. More than enough to witness you and your more nocturnal hobbies.

The first time he witnessed you was by chance while calibrating his visor. Its sensors picked up on movement coming from the direction of your home. There was a small bit of light coming from your bedroom, but everything was still - you weren’t even in sight.

Until you walked by your window in a robe. You walked to your bedside, just at the periphery of his view, and began digging through your night stand. With your back to him, you straightened out, tossed whatever item you found on the bed, and dropped your robe.

You wore only panties.

Up to that point, Tech only ever saw a naked female human through the screen of his datapad. Between battle and traveling with his brothers, he’d hardly even been alone with a female. 

Tech rushed to his window, zooming in enough to see the freckles of your back. In person and in motion - you were breathtaking.

When you revealed your front Tech nearly passed out. An ache bloomed in his pants so suddenly, his hand slipped over his crotch. He’d applied pressure to ease the ache and unintentionally replaced it with pleasure.

As you climbed into bed, Tech noted every bit of you that jiggled and the shadows that accentuated your curves and committed them all to memory. After cozying into your bed, you licked your fingers in a way that dried Tech’s mouth. Your fingers slipped into your panties and began rubbing circles beneath the fabric.

The noises that followed were lewd, low, and put a rhythm in Tech’s hand. From outside of his pants, Tech worked himself in time with the lazy circle of your hands. Your hips gyrated, head arched into your pillow, and your free hand found a nipple.

That night Tech didn’t get to find out what exactly it was you’d brandished from your night stand. He didn’t realize how close he’d edged until you pinched yourself and curled forward on a moan. The sound of you shuddered through him and pushed him into ecstasy without even taking himself out of his pants.

Instantly, Tech receded into his room feeling more exposed than you actually were. Panting, Tech fell onto his bed and plucked his helmet off. He twisted it to face him and, as he expected, found it wasn’t recording. A mistake he wouldn’t make twice.

Then again, Tech reasoned it was most likely something he wouldn’t see twice.

The whole experience made bumping into you the next day all the more jarring. He’d been too lost in his datapad to notice Hunter was no longer leading him through the busy street. Hunter stepped off the path to tend to Omega and only a few steps later you and Tech collided. 

You’d been equally as distracted, landing you both on the ground with you sprawled out over Tech. He lay beneath you, stunned and overtly aware of how you teetered over his leg. The sweet spot between your legs was pressed tight against his thigh.

Tech wanted to grip your hips and roll you against him just to hear the sounds you made the night before up close. He settled for sitting forward and letting gravity slide you against him.

Embarrassed, you steadied yourself by his shoulders, laughing, “Bet you wish you had your armor on now.”

“It crossed my mind.” He said, though he was sure your intentions for the armor differed from his. It was going to be difficult to hide the amount of blood rushing to his groin - an issue a well placed codpiece would have nullified.

His urgency to get the both of you back up grew with the ache in his cock. Pulling you against him, he used his military finesse to haul you upright. Taking advantage of the situation, and a risky gamble along with it, he held you against him as he lowered you to your feet. Your pelvis and abdomen brushed his groin and he could only hope you didn’t notice anything else.

“Are you alright?” He angled his head around you, trying to spot any bumps or scrapes.

Your hands slipped from his shoulders, resting on his chest with a light pat. “Perfectly alright.” After another few moments of standing in his arms, you craned your head back with a coy smile. “Tech?”

His name in your mouth turned his insides liquid, rendering his usual composure less certain.. “Yes?”

“You can let go now.”

The firm grip he had on your ass fully registered and in an instant his hands were in the air. He didn’t blurt out an apology, it was an innocent mistake - or at least he knew he could pass it off as one. One that, now that he got a feel of you, he fully intended to make again.

Hunter and Omega walked up beside the two of you, further breaking Tech’s focus. Looking between you, Hunter smirked, “You two take a tumble?”

You kept Tech’s eyes a moment longer, then shifted a pleasant smile on Hunter and Omega, “Just me being clumsy.”

“Hunter,” Omega pulled at Hunter’s arm, turning an excited eye on you, “Can she come tonight?” That caught your full attention, you invited them over far more often than was reciprocated. 

“That’s up to her,” Hunter replied, eyes still twinkling with mild amusement at the earlier scene.

Glancing at Tech for some cluing in and getting nothing, you amusedly asked, “And what would that be?”

Omega bounced in place, excitedly telling you about a game night Shep and Lyanna had planned. While it sounded like a lovely time, you had to turn her down.

You crouched to Omega’s eye level, “Thanks Omega, but I have a quiet night in planned.” With a reassuring squeeze of her shoulder, you promised, “Next time though.”

Tech had fully planned on participating in the game night, and was even looking forward to being the ultimate victor, but his plans changed the moment he heard yours. That night, Omega tried her best to convince her brother to follow through yet he remained firm.

He excused himself from a night out under the guise of needing to address a technical malfunction in the home, a pretext no one had questioned given his usual dedication. Yet, there he was, not soldering wires or calibrating sensors, but dimming the lights of his domicile to feign vacancy.

You were under the impression the Batch wouldn’t be home and Tech intended to keep it that way. If you risked discovery while they were home, he was desperate to find out what you’d do with more privacy.

Before that he needed to learn what was in your nightstand and only had a limited window of opportunity to do so. Where you were, he wasn’t certain, but Omega, Hunter, and Wrecker left for Shep’s and your lights were out. Just enough cover for him to get in through your window.

He stood near your bed, clenching his fists as the vision of you contorting flashed through him. Pushing through the temptation of the memory, he pivoted to the nightstand only to pause when he felt something beneath his foot.

Tech stepped back, knelt, and plucked up a pair of familiar underwear. The same as you’d worn the night before. The material was thin, soft, and slightly damp. He’d done enough follow up reading last night to know why.

He was about to examine them closer when the sudden sound of your front door sliding open jolted him back to reality. On instinct, he ducked low, slipping out the window just in time to avoid being caught. Outside, Tech hid in the shadows, his breath shallow as he peered past your curtains. He still had, unintentionally, your garments in hand.

You came into your room faster than he’d expected, flipping on the light and immediately shedding your outerwear. Mindlessly, Tech rubbed the pair he had between his thumb and forefinger as he watched you leave a trail of clothing until only panties left.

Padding over to your bedside, you leaned over your nightstand, giving Tech a full view of the thin strip of fabric between your legs. Without thought, Tech brought your panties to his face and took in the scent of you, wishing he was experiencing it firsthand. 

When you turned, he had to slide back an inch just to avoid your eyes. Just as he’d done, you paused at your nightstand. Something was off to you. The realization dawned slowly, and your movements stilled entirely when you noticed the absence of your underwear on the floor.

As you turned slightly, looking out the window with suspicion, Tech held his breath. He felt a rush of anxiety as you slowly drew closer, until your suspicion gave way to a smile. You held a little device in your hand Tech didn’t recognize even as you sauntered over.

Your focus was beyond him on the empty home next door. And by Tech’s calculations you were looking directly at his room.

You stood in a blind spot for Tech. He had to retreat far enough that he couldn’t see anything but your silhouette in the light. Tech watched your shadow hold onto the window frame, heard a sudden buzzing, and ached as you touched the device to your body.

On contact your entire body flinched from anything but pain. He slowly lowered your underwear to his lap. The sinful sounds coming from you puppeted Tech into carefully undoing his pants to expose himself. 

With your panties in hand, Tech gripped himself as he continued to watch your shadows move with your escalating noises. In a way, he felt close to you beyond his proximity. He glanced down at the soft fabric smoothing over his cock, remembering why they were damp and how you’d looked pleasuring yourself.

Looking back to your shadow, he nipped every urge to reveal himself. He knew nothing about approaching this situation or how he’d convince you into partnering with him. And though he knew he wouldn’t resort to it, he did contemplate begging.

You’d been fantasizing about Tech since his squad first arrived and, although he seemed to show little interest in you, you kept a keen eye on him. You’d noticed your underwear weren’t where you thought you left them. As opposed to concern, a desperate idea clouded you.

What if he finally spotted you?

For some time you’d been on an exhibitionist streak, willing Tech to just look your way. You knew it was a long shot and it still heated your blood. Perhaps curiosity had gotten the better of him.

Your grip on the window frame was the only thing keeping you on your feet as you notched up the setting on your vibrator. You were too wrapped up in a fantasy of Tech’s hand at your clit to keep your eyes open until the fantasy positioned him behind you.

Just the idea of him penetrating you took you to the cusp of release and tossed you over. As the heat in your coil boiled over, you curled forward, barely staying up right and moaning loud enough that, had he been home, Tech would’ve definitely heard you.

A plea to the vision of Tech spilled from you, “Oh, right there, yes! I’m cumming for you, Tech.”

In normal conversation, your saying his name distracted him. Calling to him, pleading for him, instantly ruined his composure and his orgasm quickly followed yours. He came into your panties, working hard to keep his breathing quiet despite the ecstasy fogging him.

Exhausted, you slumped onto the window pane. You leaned back, eyes drooped shut and a lazy smile lilting your lips. On a sigh, you shrugged and shoved off. As Tech began tucking himself away, he leaned around the window in hopes to catch one last glimpse of you.

Just in time, he caught the tail end of you stripping your underwear off, leaving them where they fell, and walking out of your room.

Tech did a quick risk analysis, weighed his options, and quickly reached over the threshold of your window. He snatched the garment from the floor and slipped into the night.

He returned well before his siblings returned, careful to keep the lights dim as to not raise your suspicions beyond what they already were. Tech couldn’t help himself from checking on your movements, disappointed to find you clothed and casual, eager to relive the moment you called for him.

It became a game for Tech, one of piecing together the patterns of your schedule to catch you alone

Weeks later, in the comfort of your home, Tech helped you repair some comm devices. One in particular, tied to your most incessant client, immediately came to life with an angry message of dissatisfaction and a new deadline. 

Stress pushed you over the edge and unfortunately, now conveniently for him, in front of Tech. You almost threw the device against a wall, a knee jerk response that broke the device in the first place, but Tech intercepted it.

“If you’d like my continued assistance,” Tech scolded, setting the device on the table between you. “I’d advise against immediately rendering my repairs useless.”

You didn’t apologize, choosing rather to slump down in your chair with your head on the table. Mumbling into the wood grain you said, “I should’ve just asked you to do this tomorrow.”

Tech set about fixing the last device, sparing you a quick glance. “You can always reply to clients tomorrow.”

A long, low groan came from you as you pushed back into your chair. “Always tomorrow. There’s always something tomorrow.” Leaning with your elbows on the table, your head fell into your hands. “Even on a day off, I’m constantly stressed.”

Tech looked up from his repairs, twirling his spanner to point in your direction. “If you do not learn how to manage your stress, your cortisol levels will quickly become a detriment to you both physically and mentally.”

By the time Tech finished his nagging, your head rested in one hand and while your other strummed out an impatient rhythm. Fully irritated, you sassed back, “Tech, I’m beyond that point by now.”

“Then I suggest you focus on finding a suitable outlet.” Tech shrugged, lowering his visor and spinning his spanner back into position.

And, as your neighbor, Tech was already aware of some of your avenues for relaxing. Some that he was eager to encourage.

With the final repairs almost finished and seeing an opportunity to spend another evening in your company, Tech set aside his spanner and removed his helmet. 

As he gathered his things, Tech said, “I think the rest can wait until tomorrow. You should get some rest.” 

Almost on cue, Omega came through your front door, bounding over to where you and Tech sat. 

Bouncing with energy she shook your arm excitedly. “Game night at Shep’s! You’ll come, won’t you?”

Your promise to Omega snuck up on you, having completely slipped your mind for weeks. Hating to disappoint her, but exhausted all the same, you massaged your temples and sighed.

“I’m sorry, Omega. I have a lot of work - not tonight.”

She immediately deflated, pouting. “Ahh, you work too much.” Narrowing a look at Tech she muttered, “Both of you. Tech’s been holed up most evenings too.” 

A sneaking suspicion crept up your spine and, as if he felt it too, Tech stiffened. You’d always noticed that the home was rarely left with only one of the Batch and you’d never noticed Tech alone in the evenings - you knew because you always looked for him.

Lifting your head from your hands you smiled innocently at Tech, who was pointedly looking anywhere but at you. “I didn’t realize.” You mumbled.

“Why else would the lights be on when we’re out?”

You kept your eyes steady on Omega, unwilling to let her in on the growing secret between you and Tech. Those lights were rarely on at nights without someone inside.

You chose to roll your shoulders as lazy ‘I don’t know’ as opposed to answering, your eyes sliding to Tech who was busying himself to follow Omega out the door. 

Omega gave you a poor, pitying look, gripping your shoulder as if to imbue you with strength. “You know where we are if you need a break.”

Humming, you barely heard her, too focused on thinking back on all the small sounds outside your window, misplaced items, and creeping feelings. The two clones were making their exit - Tech his escape - as you quickly slid from your chair and a comm device hidden in your palm.

Without permission, you lunged on Tech and slipped your arms around his torso. Under the guise of a thankful gesture, you tucked the device into one of his many pockets. It was only up to the Force if he’d notice.

You pulled back and held his upper arms for one last smile. “I appreciate everything, Tech,” you finished, keeping your smile warm but your eyes sharp, searching for any hint of reaction to the small device now concealed on him.

Tech paused, his body rigid under your touch for a moment before he managed a stiff nod. "Of course," he replied, his voice as neutral as the mask he often wore. But beneath that mask, you caught a fleeting glance of surprise, or perhaps suspicion.

As Tech turned to leave, his usual movements seemed slightly off, a subtle indication that your actions might have unsettled him. He made no sign of noticing the device, but you knew better than to assume anything with Tech.

The two left and you settled into planning your approach for the night. It was risky, bordering presumptuous, to assume Tech had been watching you all those nights. More than anything it was exciting. It was everything you’d been vying for.

Carefully, you monitored the Batch’s movements until Hunter, Wrecker, and Omega left for Shep’s. Different from other nights, the lights stayed on. 

A smile hit you as you added another piece of evidence towards Tech being caught. The lights in the majority of the house were on, sans the lights in Tech’s room. The sensation of being watched, residual or otherwise, whispered to you again.

You kept your comm device close as you set your plan in motion. Dressed in your evening robe, you rested against your open windowsill. Mindful of maintaining a casual air, you attempted to relax into the space by letting the night air brush your skin. Deliberately, you lifted one leg to rest on the sill, allowing the fabric of your robe to drape away enticingly from your thighs.

The fantasy of exposing yourself to Tech versus the very real possibility almost choked your plans. Still, the temptation was too great and your fingers found their way between your thighs.

Pleasure dissolved any remaining apprehension as you fixed your eyes on Tech’s room. Was he watching right now? You always looked for the red glow of his goggles, its absence always the reminder that your imagination was likely getting away from you.

As your core warmed and the heat of your arousal bolstered you, you pulled your comm device to your face. On baited breath, you activated the device and, as if speaking too loudly would unravel your hopes, quietly said, “Tech.”

His name echoed as if the relay was nearby. You froze, attempting nonchalance as you repeated yourself. Once again there was an echo. One that was much closer than you anticipated. 

Cautiously slow, you scoped the area outside your home all the way to Tech’s empty window. Your heart rate nearly burst your eardrums until Tech’s voice nearly stopped it altogether.

Tech cringed as he sighed, “I am to your left.”

You twisted sharply, finding Tech within reaching distance and shaking his head in his hand. Excitement trembled through you as he lifted his head to meet your eyes.

His expression was a delicate mix of dejection and frustration. “You slipped it on me when you hugged me, didn’t you?”

“You caught me.” You couldn’t hide the humor you found in your own words.

Not one to let things drag and ready to extradite himself from the situation, Tech got to his feet to excuse himself. All thoughts of escape vanished when his eyes inevitably fell to your lap. Your hand was no longer in the mix, but your robe remained open.

He only allowed himself a glance at your exposed sex before meeting your eyes again, now with a glint in them. Since discovering your nighttime habits, Tech planned for an array of your reactions should he be discovered. None of them involved outright glee.

You extended a hand to him, a silent request for assistance. Tech accepted, noting the hand he accepted had been the one between your legs. He assisted you to your feet, and when he tried to let go, you tightened your grip, holding him in place. 

With a small step back, you gave another silent request - another he accepted.

Tech followed your lead, ducking in through the window and breaching the space he’d spent so long cataloging. In the moment though, his focus was only on you as he tried to gauge your thoughts. 

You were smiling despite discovering him in such a compromising position. In fact, he noted, you were in a similarly compromising position and yet you carelessly floated past him. He turned with you, surprised to see you drawing your curtains.

“I thought you preferred them open.” He quipped.

You paused, your hands still on the curtains, and looked back over your shoulder with a coy smile. “Only if I think it’s you looking in,” you murmured, sending a shiver of delight through him.

Your response straightened his posture. It’d been a challenge, but Tech had long accepted that he was a part of your sexual fantasies. Being the keystone of those fantasies was never even a consideration for him. 

Puzzled by his own oversight and with a pang of wounded pride, he asked, genuinely curious, “Might I ask when you discovered me?”

“Just now.” Your brevity and upbeat tone enticed Tech to follow you as you stepped past him. A shrug of your shoulders drifted your robe farther down your shoulders. 

“It was always just me hoping, but-” you paused as you climbed onto your bed, the movement causing your robe to ride up just enough to tease Tech. You settled back against your pillows with a contented sigh and continued, "learning you’ve been sneaking around in the dark certainly aided my suspicions."

Feeling an ounce of shame, Tech’s shoulders fell slightly with his confidence but shored up immediately. 

At some point, Tech had convinced himself that your exhibitionism, while mildly on display, was likely something not intended for a true audience. In fact, outside of his name on your lips in the throes of pleasure, he’d rarely received your sole attention.

Yet the more of your smile he saw the more sure he was that he’d been wrong about all of it. And, for once, Tech was thrilled to be wrong.

“Are you going to join me?” The soft question brought Tech back to the present, the foot you outstretched to him inviting to come closer. His brown eyes raked up the soft skin of your leg all the way to where you propped yourself against the pillows.

You swallowed, eyes wavering for a moment. “Unless this is too much.”

His lips perked into a subdued, cocky smile. You were a vision just for him. One more that became more unexpected with each breath. His fingers ached to explore every inch of your skin.

Tech took the final step onto your bed, smoothing his hand over your foot and up your shin as he moved in on you. “Oh, this is far from too much.” 

As he climbed towards you, you settled further into your pillows, bracing yourself for Tech. “And I’d be remiss to not witness up close what I’ve studied from afar.”

Settling in close, Tech sat back on his feet, and adjusted his goggles as he took you in. Head tilted down, Tech looked up through his goggles as his free hand trailed up your inner thigh. When his fingers were inches from the apex of your thighs, his other hand quickly followed suit. 

Each second Tech strung out between you only enflamed your urge to shove him back and find out exactly what he tasted like. But you patiently waited, feeling your mounting arousal beginning to leak out of you for the technician. 

Tech leaned in, those brown eyes pinning you in place as his fingers pressed into you and spread your legs to accommodate him. The sudden rush of cool air over your wet folds made you realize just how eager you were for Tech.

It took only a second’s glance for Tech to realize the same. He kept his touch light on your legs as he sat back again, this time with you on full display for him. Tech removed his gloves, caught your eyes again and cocked his head to the side in amusement.

“I never realized patience was your strong suit.” The low, teasing tone of his voice set you on edge

On an aroused shudder, your knees made to squeeze together but Tech was quick to keep them apart. “It appears I spoke to soon.” He commented in the same amused tone. “Why don’t you show me what you’ve been so eager for me to see.”

Your hand was between your legs before his sentence was finished and his hand blocked yours before your could manage more than a light touch. In place of your touch, Tech’s fingers slid over your as he leaned across your lap.

His fingers, more calloused than you expected, pulled a whine from you as he gave you barely there swipes. While he teased you, he explored your night stand. “I hope you’re not being shy now,” He said as you heard drawer shut and he came back to your front.

Tech drifted close enough to consume your entire line of sight. As he spoke, Tech dipped two cool digits into you, coaxing you forward. His calm exterior cracked when he first moved his fingers in an exploratory curl.

He swallowed, eyes dipping to where his fingers disappeared inside you. Hesitation, unsureness, flashed through him. He cleared his throat, meeting your eyes and making another slow curl of his fingers, this time with more pressure.

“How does that feel?” His question, accented by a break in his voice, told you this was something new for him. Your response came in clenching around him, fueling his confidence.

On a rushed, hushed, breath you pleaded with the man, “Keep going.”

“I plan on it. But first,” Tech paused, placing a familiar object in your hand. “I’d like you to use this.”

A new wave of blood flushed through you as you followed suit. Maintaining eye contact, you switched the vibrator on, the sound hitching Tech’s breath. The feel of it, the shock it sent through you, rinsed the tension from his shoulders. 

Only the hum of the toy hung in the inches between you. With every motion of his fingers, your breathing hastened. Tech adjusted his touch with your reactions, but when he saw a small smile come to you Tech knew he’d found something good.

Breathlessly, Tech choked out, “I’d say that feels good.”

He added pressure to his rhythm and your patience immediately wore out, tearing your resolution in half as you angled your lips up to his. The moan that came from him set something loose in you. The both of you moved in on the other, your hands barely fitting between your bodies.

His lips parted the moment your tongue brushed him. For a moment, his mouth stayed open and still, only his tongue twitching as he let yours roam over his until his lips closed around your tongue, gently sucking on the soft flesh.

The sensation melted you, giving Tech the chance to roll you onto your back. Tech fell with you and never broke the kiss. There was no hesitation remaining in Tech, only hunger and a desperation to hear your next noise.

A warm, mounting pressure inside you finally made you break away from Tech and toss the toy aside. Turning just enough to pull your lips from his you said, “Tech, I need you.”

Tech didn’t ease up on tasting you, laying kisses down your chin to the crook of your neck. Between kisses he responded, “You have me.” The hand you pushed against his groin had him rolling his weight against you on a moan. 

“All of you,” You insisted. 

Tech pulled back sharply, suddenly slowing the momentum between you. His eyes were wide, darting between yours. “You want-”

Your hands cut him short as they pulled in by his pants. “Yes.” The word was a demand.

In some shade of shock, Tech gently pushed himself off of you while easing his fingers from you. On a brave inhale, Tech’s hands took place of yours, freeing you to relax back. A flush singed his cheeks and tips of his ears while he kept his eyes down on the task at hand.

You watched while he freed himself, casually slipping out of your robe to bare all of yourself. When he was one motion away from doing the same, his eyes found you again. You felt it, the mutual anticipation for this very moment.

His eyes drifted over you, devouring the feeling of seeing you nude just for him. Tech’s eyes followed your hand as it moved to the bud between your legs. You rolled one finger over your clit and he met your gaze again.

“You are as breathtaking up close as I imagined.”

A swell of heat met your touch at his words. You were certain of it - this man was going to completely undo you.

He bumped his goggles into place with a knuckle, eyes falling to the small distance between you. “There is one problem.”

You leaned up slightly, confusion, and a drop of horror, coming over you. In a mix of impatience and worry you asked, "Like what?”

Tech bit his lip, finally revealing himself to you. “I don’t believe I’m going to fit,” he confessed.

It didn’t take you long to see why he’d think that. You’d fantasized plenty of times about this man, what he’d taste and feel like, and you’d imagined a dozen times what his cock would look like. You were far from disappointed.

He was long, the length of him extending beyond the hold he had on himself. His girth you hadn’t expected, but it did not disappoint. If he thought two of his fingers was what you could handle, his girth would certainly give him pause about your limit.

A sudden thought stilled you.

“Tech,” you ventured softly. “Is this your first time?” Your question didn’t soften him, but he did pass you a look that was hard to read.

“Is that a negative attribute?”

“No!” You pushed up onto an elbow. Careful not to break the heat between you, you asked, “You want this - you want me, right?”

Tech swept his hand over his cock, pumping himself in response. “Clearly.”

Slowly lowering yourself, you flashed a feline smile at him. “Then you’ll fit.” You stretched a hand out to him, wiggling your fingers in another invitation.

He let you guide him back over you, his expression softening as he caged you below him. You smoothed your hands up his arms to his shoulders, bracing yourself as you gyrated your hips in search of him.

Tech kept himself propped over you, holding your eyes as he brought the head of his cock to you. You both inhaled at the connection. There was no pause, no further reassurances needed, as he pushed past your threshold.

The noises you made mirrored his own as the flared edge of his glans spread you and his length speared you. As always, Tech was at least partially right- his size was more than you’d been prepared for. 

It was a conscious effort to not clench around him and remain relaxed as he slid inside you.

When he could move no further, Tech loosed his breath and ducked his head. He observed the spot you were joined as he shallowly pulled out and thrust back in, deeper this time as if he was seeing just how much he could push.

A mesmerized look came over him as he kept that tempo of short, deep thrusts until you couldn’t hold back anymore. Weeks of anticipation and a wild need to fuck this man made you think you wouldn’t last long when you finally had him. How he pinpointed your sweet spot while fingering you added evidence to the thought.

The way he filled you, stretched you into ecstasy, proved you right. 

Tilting your hips against him, you worked with Tech for longer, faster motions. Drawing closer, you caught him in a kiss that drove his cock deep against your womb. You moaned into the kiss, continuing to roll your hips against him while your clit ached for release.

Mumbling into the kiss you admitted, “Tech, I can’t take much more.”

Tech pulled back just enough to confidently say, “I assumed that was the point.”

Your admission didn’t inspire Tech to stop his work. He picked up his pace again, giving you long, slow thrusts as one hand extended beside you. Gliding his tongue over your lips, he tasted your mouth as you had his. 

His tongue was trailing yours when he squeezed your between you and vibrating pleasure hit your core.

Gasping against him and splayed out on the bed in front of him, only able to arch against the pleasure coursing through you.

“T-Tech!” You called out in warning.

Tech grit his teeth against your scaling release. “Don’t hold back, I won’t either.” He’d been ready from the moment he felt the velvet of your insides.

Unwilling to miss the full view of your orgasm, Tech propped himself up to see you writhing, laid out before him. With one hand Tech positioned your hips towards him  and with the other he kept your toy in place. 

He had yet witnessed your eyes roll back as they did just then. He drove into you until an open mouthed smile bloomed over you and you convulsed around him. His eyes widened, but his pace didn’t slow.

“Are you?”

Wordlessly and avidly you nodded as your orgasm crashed through you. White hot bliss threw stars into your vision. Waves of pleasure broke what little of your composure remained, rendering you dazed and moaning.

It was too much for Tech. Euphoria he’d never experienced broke free inside him and throbbed through his cock. He’d barely been supporting himself on his knees and they all but gave out as he came inside you, spilling his seed against your womb.

Tech attempted to fuck you through his own release, but ended up seated deep inside you, stretching you with each throb of his cock.

Moments went by with only the two of you panting against each other. Your shaky hands wandered to his shoulders, your fingers curling up over his neck and into his, now slightly damp, hair. 

His eyes fluttered shut as he nuzzled into your touch. “That was magnificent.” Tech sighed.

“Sorry it was so quick.” Your voice cracked as you spoke, still pleasantly raw from all of your noises.

Tech shrugged, eyes shut as he said matter of factly, “The end result is all that matters, I suppose.”

“End result is one way to put it.” You chuckled. A small, anxious part of you spoke up, “Tech.”

He blinked away some of his fog as he hummed in acknowledgment, “What is it?”

“I want to do this again,” you whispered up to him.

Tech rolled his hips into you in response, reminding you that he was still inside you and still more erect than you’d expect. “If we are to succeed, that would be the wisest course of action.”

Your brows furrowed, head pushing back into the pillows to search his face. “Succeed in what?”

“Impregnating you, of course.” Tech saw the realization hit you and his expression mirrored your own. “Is that not what sexual relations are ultimately intended for?”

You opened your mouth, but words didn’t come out, only a bubble of giggling. “Not always.”

A renewed flush heated Tech’s face as the misunderstanding dawned him. You’d rarely seen him embarrassed, but found it charming nonetheless.

In a gentle tease, you probed further, “Is that what you intended?”

“Well, I-” Tech uncharacteristically stammered. He gave a little cough, saying, “I didn’t mind the idea.”

“Of breeding me?” You clarified, bringing your legs around him.

Tech rolled his eyes, recognizing your attempts at instigation. “That is one way to put it.”

Teasing or not the idea of it, of Tech wanting that, stirred something in you. Locking him in with his legs you brought him in for another kiss. “Then we should probably go again.”

He huffed a laugh, conceding, “I would say you are correct.”

taglist: @bruh-myguy-what @jetii @baddest-batchers

[happiest-hotch]

3 AM

part one

Summary: Aaron shows up somewhere he shouldn't be with some words for you

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader (Angst/Fluff)

Word Count: 1.4k

Content Warning: mutual cheating

You go home to a house that doesn't feel like home, which isn't anything new, but today, it upsets you. Maybe it's too late, and the case drained you too much. Your self-preservation instincts refuse you to consider an outside factor.

Thankfully, your need for sleep trumps any chance of facing an existential crisis, so instead of staring at the ceiling wondering how your life got to this point, you're asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow.

It doesn't last long. Too soon, a knock on your door wakes you, and you reach for your phone to check the time. 2:52- great. If it were BAU-related, Penelope would have called and left messages before pounding on your door in the early morning. You run through who it could be. Maybe your pathetic excuse of a husband lost his keys, but nothing would inspire him to come home unless he learned of your affair and was hypocritically mad. Or it could be much more mundane; police, firefighters, a neighbor. 

Speculation gets too exhausting, so you get up and walk to the front door, checking your gun is sitting on the side table before opening the door.

It's one of the last people you expect. You wrap your robe tighter around yourself, defensive and hyper-aware that he's in jeans and a shirt, and you're in a tank and sleeping shorts. 

"Hotch." You greet him coldly, colder than the chilly DC night air. 

He didn't expect a more positive reaction. "Don't call me that." He says slightly too pathetically. 

"What can I do for you?" You ask, unsure what's compelling you to continue the conversation and not just slam the door in his face.

He shouldn't be here.

He knows it, you know he knows it, and you know it.

"Let me in." The Unit Chief tone, commanding authority, is nowhere to be heard, no matter how hard he tries to muster it up.

You sigh, momentarily weighing the pros and cons before stepping aside. Aaron follows you in carefully. Houses, thus far, have been off limits, like there was some unwritten rule neither of you would show up at the other places, knowing the consequences, but he's here, and you're still not sure why.

As you lead him down the hallway, Aaron keeps his head down, obviously trying to avoid being nosey. It's amusing since the personal pieces he assumes you have and refuses to look at don't exist. You wonder if he's drawing similarities between you and where you live, both beautiful on the outside and empty on the inside.

"Is he-" His question quickly gets reframed. "Are you alone?"

"I was." You answer. "He's in Pierre, South Dakota."

"Our case was in Pierre, Sou- Oh." Unsurprisingly, he put it together quickly. Pierre, South Dakota, is not a big enough place for you not to have run into your husband.

You laugh humorlessly. "I know. It's smart to have an infallible lie, but maybe not that specific." You remark. "He's actually in Miami. I checked the credit card and told him our case was there, so he always has to look over his shoulder."

Aaron doesn't smirk at what you consider a wonderfully devious plan. Instead, he looks concerned. "You still have joint credit cards? Are you keeping any money he can't touch?"

"Surely you didn't come here to discuss my financials." You shoot back, but he raises his eyebrows, and you know you can't progress the conversation without answering his question. "Yes. I've been to a lawyer and an accountant. He's only running himself into massive amounts of debt." You assure him. "Although, I'm not sure when this became your business."

His answer doesn't come quickly, and when he speaks, it's inadequate. "It's not."

"Okay, so what are you doing here?" You prompt. "Because you look like hell, Aaron, and you could really do with some sleep."

"I went home and sat there for an hour just thinking." He tells you. So, he didn't get lucky enough to fall asleep and avoid dreadful spiraling thoughts.

"You want to talk about your feelings?" You ask incredulously, unsure how he conjured the audacity to come here. His lack of answer is an answer. "No." You shake your head firmly. "You don't get to do this. Whatever we are, we don't discuss feelings."

"We could," Aaron begs desperately. It's not hard to profile that he keeps his emotions bottled up until he's bursting, so you know Aaron's here for a different type of release, for you to drain yourself listening to his problems and leave before he can consider that you have feelings.

You could hit him hard enough that he stops talking, and it's tempting.

"I'm okay with running to you when you want to have sex, but I can't be who you run to when you want to talk to someone about your day." You explain it as simple as you possibly can. 

"I don't think of you like that," Aaron assures you, his eyes softening as his words fall short of being stern.

Frustrated, you huff. You're tired and wound up, easily upset, and Aaron shouldn't be here. "Well, I have to think of you like that... or I can't sleep with you and not feel anything."

"You're not hearing me." He argues, a tiny flicker of the fire you saw before appearing in his eyes. "I want you to feel things."

You bit down on your bottom lip to avoid crying. You've become so callous to everything around you, bottled so much of it up that it's difficult to let any emotion show without breaking the floodgate. 

"You don't." You fight back, although it comes off far weaker than you expected. "I'm messy, my whole life is just one disaster after another, and I'll never excite you if we're not sneaking around."

Aaron's hands come to cup your cheeks, surprising you completely. It's a soft touch that has your lips closed in a second. "Don't say that." He instructs, speaking firmly but gently. "You're not a mess, not at all."

"Look at where we are, Aaron!" You remind him, throwing your arm at your side. For a detail-orientated person, he's only focusing on the big picture. "I'm married, you're married, and this is so damn messy."

"I know, I know." He nods. "It's... less than ideal, but we can get through it." He promises, holding you tighter now, like he's worried you'll slip away. "I want to be there for you. I don't care about any mistakes from your past. And please, please don't say that you won't excite me because I will always be excited every time I see you." It's enough to have you in gentle tears, not angry, heavy sobs, and he does his best to wipe them up delicately. "But if you don't feel the same way..." 

Aaron's waiting for your decision, and he isn't about to add more pressure, but he will stand there for as long as you need to decide. 

"I do." You affirm. "God, Aaron, I want to be with you more than anything, but I'm not sure I know how to." Being married is just a technicality now, and a divorce is something you're fiscally ready to do now. 

"Tea." He decides, his permanently furrowed brows relaxing. 

"Tea?" You repeat. 

He moves slightly away from you. "Where's the kitchen?" You're still confused about why now is the right time for tea, so you wait for him to explain. "I'm going to make you tea, and we're going to drink it while you tell me how you're feeling, and then whatever you want- a drive, breakfast, you name it, it's yours."

You pull away from him, offering your hand to take him to the kitchen. "Sleep is what we're doing after this." You tell him. "I don't say it to be mean, but you do look like hell."

"Wait." He stops you before you're in the kitchen, turning to hold your hands in his. "You need to know that I don't care about anything in your distant or soon-to-be past, but it's always going to be my privilege to be part of your future."

Aaron isn't meant to be here, and you aren't either, but wherever you're meant to be, it's with him.

[blackdollette]

Could you do jack catching the reader crying and comforting them?🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

yes ofc :))

"makes me a sad, sad girl." | jack thurlow

sad girl. - lana del rey

reader x jack

word count: 648

contents: fluffy stuff

life was hard and you knew it. you’d learned to put a brave face on and take whatever life threw at you without a single complaint. you let out your feelings silently when no one was there to see you, and nobody ever did.

one night, jack was out working late, leaving you all alone. this day in particular had put even more stress on you than usual. your body was trembling from exhaustion and you just couldn’t keep yourself together.

you sat yourself on the floor beside your bed, hot tears starting to trickle down your face. the pain in your heart was becoming unbearable, and you had nobody there to help you. you hugged your knees as you heaved out choked sobs.

time became elastic, making you completely oblivious to how long you were sitting there. it was like you were in your own dark little bubble away from the outside world. your heart hammered in your chest and your entire body felt weak.

it was around midnight and you had slowly been able to calm yourself down a little. you took a few long, deep breaths before getting yourself up from the floor. you wiped a few tears away with the back of your hand before turning around to leave the bedroom, but you froze in your spot.

jack was standing in the doorframe, wide-eyed with his lips parted a little. you tried your best to quickly wipe away all the moisture from your face, but your red eyes and flushed cheeks were the giveaway. 

jack had never been the most sympathetic person, which is why you kept your feelings to yourself around him, but at this moment it was almost as if he could feel the pain in your heart. he dropped his briefcase on the ground and approached you.

he held your face in his hands, looking into your big, glassy eyes. seeing you this vulnerable was completely new to him, and it was doing miraculous things to his dark soul. you sniffled and looked down, not knowing what outcome to expect from this interaction.

he pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around your trembling body. you sunk your face into his shoulder, fully taking in this rare moment. he scooped you up into his arms and gently set you on the bed like you were made of the most delicate porcelain. 

he walked into the bathroom for a moment, filling up the tub with water and your favourite scented oils. he came back to the bedroom, picking you up once again. you saw the bath that he had set up for you. little things like this make your heart melt.

he planted a soft kiss on your forehead, instructing you to get in. you did as he asked, watching as he picked out your favourite record and put it in the player. you felt your body starting to unclench from the warm water, smell of the oil, and the song playing on the record player.

shortly after your bath, you stepped out of the bathroom. you changed into your nightwear and made your way back to the bed, meeting a nice little surprise there. on a silver tray laid two teacups and your favourite novel.

jack had gotten out of his work uniform and carried you onto the bed. he whispered to you in a soft, gentle voice, “hope this made you feel better, doll. i love you.” before you could react, he pulled you into a gentle hug, feeling your heartbeat slowing down against him. 

he pulled the blanket over the two of you and cradled you in his arms, gently massaging you in the process. you wanted to thank him for what he had done for you tonight, for showing you the other side of him, but it was too late. you had already fallen asleep in his arms. 

author's note: this is a two week old request that im only getting out now :(( gonna post lots this weekend, dw yall :))

[fanficsforfun]

Sleepover in the apocalypse

Pairing: Merle Dixon x female reader

Era: Atlanta camp (season 1)

Word count: 1,2k

Warnings: mild language, mentions of walkers, a very brief (literally one sentence long) mention of Merle's drug abuse. Otherwise all fluffy

Summary: Nights are the hardest in the world after the outbreak... that is until Merle asks you to come over to his tent for the night

---

It was late evening in the Atlanta camp, most people were getting to bed already, apart from Morales, of course, who was on watch. You were still sitting by the fireplace, although the fire had been put out a while ago. It was peaceful, nothing alarming anywhere. Yet you were restless. Earlier in the week you had come across a walker while gathering firewood, and despite surviving without injuries, it still bothered you. The very thought made you shiver with disgust. Dead people walking, who could have believed. Zombies were supposed to stay in horror movies but they hadn’t. You tried your best to banish such thoughts, with no success at all. The empty eyes, ragged clothes, bite wounds, sickening smell, everything, kept coming into your mind, no matter how hard you tried not to think about it. 

You had curled up in a ball on the log, your head resting on your arms. Perhaps that's what caught Merle's attention as he walked back towards his tent after taking a piss.

“Ya alright, darlin’?” He asked.

You flinched when he spoke, somehow not having noticed him until he was right next to you.

"Yeah, no problem", you decided to lie, not too keen on showing people how difficult it was for you to keep your shit together in this new world.

“No problem my ass!” Came Merle’s reply. “Yer scared.”

You glanced at him, then shrugged your shoulders. “So? Who isn’t?”

“Me. There ain’t a thing out there that scares me.”

You turned to face Merle, looking at him quietly, not sure if you believed him or not. He seemed fearless, that much you had to admit. Like he was made for this kind of living. Surely it helped that he had been in the army too, probably they had learned stuff that was useful now when the world had gone all to hell. 

What he said next, however, you hadn't expected.

"How about ya come over to my tent tonight? I’ll make sure none of ‘em walkers or any other kind of creeps bother ya.”

“I, um…”, you started, tempted to accept his offer even though you knew what a flirt he was and believed he most certainly had naughty ulterior motives. 

“C’mon sugar, there ain’t no safer place here than my tent”, Merle urged.

“Okay then, I’ll just go and get my sleeping bag and ground pad”, you decided to take the chance. Surely you’d be more comfortable with him than alone. And to tell the truth, you liked Merle's attention. When he was sober anyway.

“Do ya want me to walk ya there?”

“If you’d be so kind”, you replied sheepishly. You felt embarrassed that you were actually afraid to walk around the camp alone, especially at night, and undoubtedly Merle was able to figure that out.

“Sure thing, honey”, he smiled.

You two made your way to your tent in the darkening evening. Merle waited outside while you picked up your stuff and crawled out with them. He then placed his hand protectively on your upper back as he escorted you through the camp to his tent. His touch made you shiver unintentionally. The forest smelled like autumn, Merle's hand was warm on your back, you could feel it through your sweater. The whole situation didn’t feel real.

"Thanks for letting me come over", you said quietly.

"Of course", he smirked. "There's always that much space in my tent."

“Well then, make yourself comfortable”, Merle nodded towards the entrance. 

You smiled at him and stepped in, and then started unpacking your stuff. Merle had only a sleeping bag and pad like you, no cot or anything else fancy. The man sat on a piece of log outside the tent, watching you until you'd got your sleeping gear in place and sat down to take your shoes off. Only then he followed you and laid down on his sleeping bag. 

"It's been a while since I've had a girl over", he joked.

"That's what apocalypses cause", you replied while wriggling into your sleeping bag. 

Merle laughed and had to agree.

However, you didn't keep chatting for very long, and not so long after Merle fell asleep. For you it wasn’t as easy. It had started to wind and it rustled the tent, making it harder to hear if someone, or something, was moving outside. You were getting scared again, and the darkness certainly didn't help. You were barely able to see the silhouette of Merle sleeping on the other side of the tent. You tried to concentrate on the fact that he was there, then on your breathing and the sleeping bag around you, until you couldn't take it anymore.

“Um, Merle?” You asked quietly.

“Yeah?”

Apparently he wasn’t asleep. Or maybe he was a light sleeper. Either way, you were happy he was alert and listening to you.

“Could I… come closer?”

“Sure thing, darlin’. As close as ya like.”

You quickly slipped out of your sleeping bag and moved it and the pad right next to Merle. It brought a grin to his face.

“Should have asked ya to stay overnight a long time ago”, he chuckled.

“Don’t get any stupid ideas now”, you warned him, not in the mood for funny business. You just wanted to get some sleep.

“Don’t worry, sugar, I ain’t gonna do a thing”, Merle soothed you, sounding like he was serious for once.

You decided to believe him and got back in your sleeping bag. Merle had turned on his side and was watching you in the dark tent. You were less than an arm's length away from him, and despite his promise, he was tempted to touch you.

"Hey, just come all the way over here if ya like", he suggested softly.

The offer sent a warm wave of pleasure through you, yet you hesitated for a moment before rolling over to him with your sleeping bag. He might break his promise, but it was a risk you had to take. You bumped into him back first, and he pushed your sleeping bag aside just enough to wrap his arm around your waist. The touch made you nearly gasp, and you pressed yourself tighter against him. It was crazy, you had never been so close to him before.

"Any better?" Merle murmured in your ear. 

You mumbled affirmatively. It was better, much better. His body was warm against yours, his arm strong around your waist. You felt safe there, a feeling you hadn’t had after the outbreak.

“Good”, came his reply so deeply it got your heart fluttering. “Sleep tight.”

To your surprise, Merle didn’t try anything after that, he just held you close. You had thought he wouldn’t leave it there, he’d at least try to fuck you, but no. Gradually you relaxed and eventually managed to fall asleep in his arms. Merle stayed awake for a bit longer, enjoying having you there even if just sleeping, literally.

[glossypolaroidkisses]

Hi lovely!! I just read your recent response to an anon question and saw you mention being an eldest daughter and omg as a fellow eldest daughter how do you think lu would be like with a hyper independent girlfriend who basically had to learn things in life on her own and isn’t used to having people genuinely want to help her without feeling like she owes back ?

I can’t wait to read your works xx

Hello!! Thank you for being here:)) I really appreciate all the support, mwah! I see you, you're valid! It's rough out here!! As the oldest sister with a younger brother, the sexism on top of all the responsibilities was exhausting. My experience as a parentified child may shape my perspective, but I hope this still resonates with you as a fellow eldest daughter <3

(Scroll down to skip to oneshot)

Luigi to me, very much seems like a giver. Generous partner! Always wants to help you with things, acts of service! He is obviously anti-materialism, but loves gifting you items that involve your hobbies and interests; Books of your favourite genres/tropes, if you like painting, he’ll buy you the finest paint-brushes and acrylics. Wanna stargaze?; He’ll research to buy the highest quality telescope for you. 

He loves showering you with compliments, and he’s a natural helper. It’s second nature to him! It’s how he shows the people he loves that he cares, by helping.

He’s not flashy or materialistic, but he buys things that he knows will provide meaningful experiences for you. 

You grew up having to manage everything yourself from a young age. When someone gave something to you or did something for you, you were always left having this expectation of the favour somehow having to be returned. You’ve always had to be ‘the fixer’. Because of how kind and capable you are, you have ended up in toxic friendships and relationships where people took advantage of your kindness and willingness to be helpful. 

You struggle to let your guard down, believe that others are genuine, and accept compliments or help of any sorts. When being offered assistance, your instinct is to hesitate and refuse. 

Before your relationship was serious and you started living together, Luigi only saw your hyper-independence on a surface level; just like everyone else. On the outside, you just radiate bad bitch energy. You’re always busy, working and completing tasks. Luigi loves strong women who know that they don’t need a man for their lives to be fulfilled. You’re intelligent, capable, always handling things on your own with confidence. To be frank, he finds it sexy! 

It wasn’t until you started going over to his place more frequently, that Lu picked up that your independence might come from a place of obligation rather than choice, a survival instinct born from a past where asking for help often came with conditions, expectations, or disappointment.

----------->

Here is one of many oneshots showing how this dynamic could play out! Yes.. this is going to be a series! Once I post the other oneshots, I'll link them at the bottom of this post, or in the comments. Enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

General Themes: Trust, vulnerability, emotional healing, reassurance, understanding, sensitivity, love and care

Gender: Mostly gender-neutral, use of "girl" once

Smut?: No

Warnings: Emotional distress, crying, anxiety, possible triggers for past trauma (misunderstandings, interpretation of actions, self-worth issues)

Word Count: 1439

You’re cooking in Luigi’s apartment, standing at the stove. You hum a tune, swaying lightly as you stir in the pot. “Mmmm,” You hear your boyfriend from a couple of feet behind you. After a few steps, you feel his large hands gently grasp your sides, then his arms wrap around your waist. “Smells amazing, baby.” he murmurs by your ear, placing a couple of gentle kisses on your neck.

You stop humming, your body stiffening. Luigi immediately notices, lifting his chin from your shoulder, “Everything alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, I, I just..” You pause. “I’m not in the mood right now, Gi.” you admit. Luigi steps back from you, confused. He leans against the counter next to the stove so he can properly see your face. “I wasn’t trying to have sex or anything, y/n.” he calmly says, genuinely explaining his intentions.

You hold eye contact with his concerned gaze before looking down at the pot, though there’s no real need to monitor it. You’re just stirring soup. “Oh.” you feel a wave of embarrassment wash over you. “Why did you come up behind me then?” you ask, voice a little shaky. Luigi tilts his head, his thick eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He looks away for a second, then shifts his gaze back to your embarrassed expression. “I just wanted to appreciate you, my love.” he says, his tone soft and sincere.

You bite the inside of your cheek, fighting the emotions before your eyes can visibly tear up. “I’m sorry, I just thought you did that because you wanted it to.. lead.. to something..” you explain. You look up at Luigi again, searching his face for any hint of frustration or confusion.

“No, no, no, I didn’t.. I don’t know why you..” His voice trails off, confused, He takes a moment to think, “Did I do something? I--” Luigi starts, trying to navigate this situation carefully since he can tell you’re in a fragile state. You quickly cut him off, desperate to reassure him, “No, you're fine. You’re perfect. It’s just my brain, I read the situation wrong.” You say in a rush, verbally trying to escape the situation. You force a short chuckle in an attempt to rid the awkward tension.

Luigi takes a deep breath. He steps forward from the counter, towards you. He lifts his hand, delicately pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Is it okay if I touch you?” he asks softly, staring at your face despite your gaze being focused on the soup again. You nod, unable to look at him. He cups the side of your face with his hand, slowly stroking your cheek with his thumb. “You can talk to me about anything, love. I promise I would never do something to you expecting it to lead somewhere, or get something out of you, okay?” he reassures, sincerity written in his tone. You nod. “I’m glad that you felt comfortable telling me you weren't in the mood, though. You must’ve felt so guilty. I would never want to make you uncomfortable.” he says, his voice full of compassion. You nod again, biting the inside of your cheek.

You feel your eyes finally surrender, glazing over with fresh tears. Fuck. You already see Luigi’s expression shift in your peripheral vision. “y/n, baby, what’s wrong?” his voice laced with panic, but trying to maintain a neutral tone.

Avoiding eye contact, trying to regain some control over yourself, you set the spoon down on the stove. You turn off the burner. Thinking his honest words from his heart would help, Luigi is confused at what appears to be you emotionally shutting down. He’s analytical, used to approaching things logically with fact, and solving them with ease. It hurts his heart, not knowing how to immediately and effectively help you.

You step away, your head in your hands. Crying in front of others has always been something you tried to avoid—an old habit from years of being mocked for your sensitivity. Your palms press into your eyelids, as if you believe that pushing hard enough will force the tears back into their ducts. It’s no use. You try your best to take deep breaths, but they’re stifling. Your chest feels tight.

You’ve never been loved like this. You’re damaged. Your past has made it difficult to trust these moments. You accidentally accused him of trying to throw himself onto you, and yet here he is, treating you.. like this? Apologizing to you? Being so graceful, so patient.. with you? It makes your heart ache.

Luigi watches you from a distance, helpless. He doesn’t know exactly how to help, but his heart aches for you, wanting nothing more than to ease your pain. He walks toward you again, determined to offer comfort, even though he isn’t sure how.

Luigi watches you from a few feet away, distressed and helpless. His gaze shifts around the room frantically, up and down your body trying to read its language. His mouth gaped slightly. He needs to act quickly. He wants nothing more than to ease your pain, but he's unsure of how. He walks towards you again, determined to offer comfort one way or another.

“You’re..” you begin an attempt at explaining, stopping Luigi in his tracks. “You’re so kind.” you say, a full fledged sob following your words as you break down completely.

Luigi’s tense shoulders drop, his heart shattering at your words. He could never have imagined that his care and patience would feel so foreign to you, that it would bring you to the point of tears.

You feel his strong arms envelop you, drawing you close against his chest. His lips press a gentle kiss to your forehead. You move your hands to his back, returning the embrace and burying your face in the warmth of his chest. Luigi’s chin rests softly atop your head as you dissolve into his comforting presence, your sobs quieting in his hold.

“You deserve…” he pauses, a lump catching in his throat. He’s never seen you this broken before. “... all the kindness in the world. It's my duty to love you.” he whispers, his voice reveled in emotion.

You catch up to your inhales, taking deeper, more controlled breaths. Tears continue to stream down your face, but not overwhelmingly, with Luigi's hoodie gently absorbing them. With the newfound sense of developing control over your body, you muster the courage to lift your face from Luigi’s chest.

Your puffy, red-rimmed eyes reach his glossy gaze. You didn’t expect to cry in front of him, ever. Normally when you cry, you run to your room, find some way to hide. You never imagined Luigi would see you like this, so raw and vulnerable. His lashes are damp and clumped together. In his eyes, you see that your pain has affected him as if it were his own, yet there’s a sense of relief as he finally meets your beautiful gaze once more.

He sighs deeply, a weight lifted. His hands reach up to cup your face, his thumbs tenderly stroking your cheeks, as if they are your personal windshield wipers.

“My beautiful girl.” he whispers, a small grin tugging at his lips. You smile back, your heart glowing. You place your hands on top of his, feeling their warmth. Closing your eyes once more, you lean into his touch, feeling a sense of security you've never known before.

You look up at Luigi, “Thank you.” you whisper from the depths of your fragile heart, the weight of gratitude in your voice. “I know.. I have so much I need to tell you. I promise I will, eventually.” you say. He nods, that sweet grin having yet to leave his lips since you met his gaze. “Take your time, amore mio. I’ll be here.” he says.

You chuckle lightly, wiping any remaining tears with the back of your hand. “I never thought anyone would see me like this.” you admit.

“I’m honoured you let me. You never have to hide any parts from me, not ever.” Luigi says softly, his eyes never leaving yours.

Reaching up, you caress the side of his face, feeling the stubble beneath your fingers. You pull him down to your level, smiling as his lips get closer to yours. Closing your eyes, your lips meet his in a tender, passionate kiss.

Luigi carried you to his room, where the rest of the night unfolded in a quiet, healing embrace. Cuddling, sharing gentle kisses, opening up more about your childhoods to each other more than you ever have. You shared a comforting bowl of soup before going to bed, sleeping soundly in each other’s warm, safe embrace.  

a/n: hope you enjoyed!! please feel free to leave all sorts of feedback; the good, the bad, the ugly.. LOL i appreciate anyone who took the time to read all this! thank u sm to anon for the request! xoxox!

tt

[blackjackkent]

Well, hey there. Look who's hanging out on the steps of the Temple of Bhaal.

Goodie. I suppose it would have been too much for Rakha to hope that this little twerp wasn't going to show up to the party.

Charming.

"Who is that?" Wyll asks with an expression of puzzled distaste. He glances at Rakha - and is surprised to see that she doesn't seem surprised, or curious, or anything other than deeply exhausted.

"My butler," she mutters.

Wyll's eyebrows lift. Rakha explained this butler to him in frantic, haphazard terms the night she nearly snapped and killed him, but he would be lying if he said he took in more than half of it. He got enough of the gist, though, particularly with the context they've learned since - this is some servant of Bhaal that has been dogging Rakha's footsteps, trying to goad her to evil deeds.

"Smaller than I expected," he says after a short pause.

Rakha barks a low, humorless laugh and steps forward without answering.

-----

"Oh, Master, Master, MASTER!" Sceleritas squeals eagerly as Rakha draws within arm's reach of him. "You have come home to your royal dwelling!" He peers up at her with obsequious adoration from beneath the brim of his hat.

(A/N: I'm only just now realizing that Sceleritas's color scheme matches Rakha's. This actually was not intentional.)

He scurries a few steps closer, wringing his clawed hands together, and peers at the amulet of Bhaal still hanging loosely in Rakha's fingers. "But why did you exert yourself so getting here? I was waiting to open the door!" His dessicated lips curl up at the corners. "Lady Orin told me not to let you in," he adds, sing-song, "but I'd never listen to the pretender to your fetid throne."

(A/N: Sceleritas claims that he could have opened the door for us without the amulet, but I looked in the dialogue files and didn't see a path through the convo with the door outside that allowed that. So possibly he is lying? Uncertain.)

Rakha sets her jaw, glaring at her little minion with undisguised dislike. Their last encounter is only too clear in her mind - the night he tried to taunt her into giving in to the beast and killing Wyll in cold blood in the middle of camp. The memory regularly gives her nightmares, an image of how everything could have fallen apart, her greatest support ripped away by her own hand.

She would gladly throttle Sceleritas here and now - but he has proved too quick for her in the past. And she has no time to chase him down.

"Open it," she snaps curtly.

"A thousand succubae could give me no greater delight!" Sceleritas crows.

("Ew," Wyll mumbles.)

The butler backpedals a few steps, pushing the door open and then bowing eagerly over and over again. "There's a puddle of blood on the floor as you walk in! Careful! Don't slip!"

-----

There is, indeed, a puddle of blood on the floor as they walk in.

"This is a foul place," Minsc mutters darkly. "Better buried. Already Boo is bristling - and not from the cold."

"I confess that the last time I came here," Jaheira adds, "I though it would be my tomb. You can see why."

Rakha doesn't answer. The banter seems to slide past her; she feels a little dizzy as the air of the temple touches her.

Only the thought of her friend trapped somewhere within this place gives her the strength to keep walking forward.

[climbtopeace]

The Silent Battle: Reflections on Trauma, Healing, and Hope

Mental health can feel like a battlefield—both in the mind and in the body. For many of us struggling with trauma, the fight is not always visible to others, but it is all-consuming. Recently, I found myself at a critical juncture in my own mental health journey. As I spend my last day at the Crisis Center, I'm taking a moment to reflect on some important lessons I've learned, and I want to share them with you in the hope that they resonate with someone who may be facing their own silent battles.

The Importance of Connection

One of the most striking moments during my time at the center was a conversation with a woman named Tara. She was my age and, like me, had experienced her own struggles. But what stood out was her kindness, compassion, and, most importantly, her ability to listen. In that exchange, I was reminded of something I had long pushed aside: the importance of connection.

For years, I’ve isolated myself, convincing myself that I didn’t need anyone, that opening up would be a burden to others. But in that conversation with Tara, I realized how much I had been missing out on by building walls around myself. People are what make life bearable, and I need to let myself rely on others a little more. It’s hard for me to ask for help—I’ve always felt like my feelings might be too much for others to carry—but now I’m learning that vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a strength.

The Ongoing Struggle with PTSD and Trauma

Living with PTSD is like having your nervous system constantly on high alert. It's like being in fight or flight mode without a clear threat, your body and mind locked in a struggle you can't always understand. Even though I’ve been working hard to manage it, I’ve realized just how deeply embedded my trauma is. There are moments when I feel like I’m doing okay, but then something small can trigger a storm inside me that I can’t explain.

Earlier in my time at the center, I had one of those triggers. On the outside, I was calm, but inside, my body was reacting to a past I couldn’t fully grasp. I think that’s what’s so frustrating about trauma—it doesn’t always make sense. It can be a fight that feels invisible to others, but it’s all too real for those of us living with it. Despite the confusion and the overwhelming feelings of panic or fear, I know I can’t let this trauma take over my life. I’ve been working on staying grounded, and even though it’s difficult, I’m committed to continuing the fight.

The Struggle with Coping Mechanisms

Like many people dealing with mental health issues, I’ve had my share of coping mechanisms. Some were healthier than others. But one thing I’ve come to realize is how important it is to choose tools that truly serve my healing, rather than seeking temporary relief that only deepens the struggle. Healing doesn't come from avoiding or numbing the pain. It comes from facing it head-on, with the right support, therapy, and tools to manage it.

It's not easy, but each time I make the choice to prioritize my mental and emotional health, I feel a bit stronger. Real healing takes time, and it requires confronting the things that scare us most—whether that’s a difficult memory, a painful emotion, or the vulnerability of asking for help.

Patience and Persistence in the Healing Process

I know that healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, often frustrating process, and there will be days when I feel like I’m not making any progress at all. But the key, I’m learning, is persistence. It’s about continuing to show up for yourself, even when your body is screaming at you to run. It’s about sticking with the therapy, sticking with the medication, and trusting that, over time, the hard work will pay off.

I know I’m not there yet, and I won’t expect instant results. But I do believe that if I keep working with my support system—my therapist, my loved ones, and myself—I can get there. Every day is a step forward, no matter how small it may seem.

Why We Need to Keep Trying

When I first began this journey, I didn’t think I had it in me to keep going. There were times when the weight of my trauma felt too heavy, and I didn’t know if I could bear it any longer. But with each day that I continue this work, I am reminded that my story is not over. I am not defined by my trauma, nor am I bound by my struggles. Healing is possible, even when it feels like an uphill battle.

For anyone out there who is struggling, who feels like they’re on the brink of giving up—please know this: you are not alone. You don’t have to have all the answers today. You don’t have to be perfect. What matters is that you keep trying. Keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time.

And most importantly, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, but each day you continue to try, you are making progress. You are stronger than you realize.

Thank you to those who listen, who support, and who walk alongside me in my healing journey. Your presence matters more than you know.

[clericofshadows]

something to look forward to

description: Wrex asks Kaidan if he could win against Shepard in a fight.  The conversation goes into a turn he didn’t expect, and new insights are gained for everyone.

pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Regis Shepard (Mshenko)

I really need to start posting on AO3

While in the elevator waiting to reach the Normandy from a quick visit from C-Sec, Wrex posed a question.  He turned to Kaidan with what was clearly a conspiring look.  “So, tell me, who would win in a fight between you and Shepard?  Since you two are both Sentinels and all.”

“Oh, I could take him,” Kaidan replied, not elaborating in the slightest.

Regis disguised his snort as a cough, a little surprised that Kaidan went there of all places.  But he was right.  Kaidan could definitely take him any day of the week.

“You mean in a fight?” Wrex asked, crossing his arms, narrowing his eyes. 

“That too,” Kaidan said, not missing a beat.  “You see, Wrex, Shepard and I have always been comparable on the biotic front.  If it’s just biotics, we’re evenly matched.  Now, in a fire fight?  He’ll nail me down with a sniper shot without a second thought.  It gets a bit tricky if we bring tech skills into the mix.”

“Don’t do yourself a disservice, Alenko,” Regis said.  “You know damn well you spike higher than me, and you have better control.”

“Fair enough, but your programs have always stressed the limits of the Logic Arrest.  It’ll have to be a best two out of three to really figure out who’d win between us,” Kaidan continued.  “Results may vary.”

“It’s a date.” Regis turned around and winked as the elevator doors opened.

They stepped outside, stepping to the side to continue their conversation, mindful of everyone who was working on the platform at the moment.

Kaidan rolled his eyes.  “Only you would consider acts of violence a date.”

“Sounds like a good time to me.  Better invite me so I can watch, heh.  Hell, I could probably learn a few biotic tricks from the two of you, after what I’ve seen from you so far.” Wrex laughed.  “But I only want to see the lightshow.  Not whatever the fuck you two will get up to after the fact.”

Kaidan smirked as Regis felt his cheeks heat up.  

“We’ll be happy to show you a few human ways of doing things,” Regis said, clearing his throat, trying to change the subject.  “Best way to learn is from each other.   A turian taught us, and while we owe a hell of a lot of our mnemonics to him, most of the shit Kaidan and I know we experimented on ourselves.”  It was hard to keep the venom out of his tone when bringing up Vyrnnus.

Wrex titled his head slightly, picking up on what Regis wasn’t saying.  “A turian taught humans how to use biotics?  What the hell were you guys thinking?  Anyone would’ve been a better choice,” he grumbled, “with the way they segregate their own biotics.”

Kaidan shook his head.  “It’s a nasty story, but it all boils down to humans not wanting to seem weak by asking the asari and the Citadel for help.  It was all very, uh, ‘hush hush’ so to speak.”

That’s one way to put it.  

“I’m smart enough to know when I’m digging into something that I probably shouldn’t.  I’ll ask you both one question: Is the bastard dead?” Wrex asked.

Regis nodded.  “Yes.”

Kaidan looked uncomfortable.  Understandable, considering he was the one who dealt the final blow, even if Regis made it easy for him in the end.  “Maybe one day we’ll tell you the story behind our biotic training.”

Wrex shook his head in a startling display of empathy.  “Unimportant.  All I care is that you two survived it, strong as any krogan battlemaster with those biotics of yours.  Say, Alenko, tell me how you Lifted up two krogan mercs at once without breaking a sweat.”

Kaidan took the change of subject in stride as they walked over to the Normandy, explaining to Wrex his personal method to managing his Lifts.  

----

Later that day, Regis received a message on his omni tool while settling down to eat dinner with Kaidan in his quarters.

WREX: I know I put you two in a difficult position today.  Tried to fix it but let Alenko know that I won’t use anything I’ve learned against him.  Or you, for that matter.

SHEPARD: Just a little, but we won’t hold it against you.  You caught us off guard.

WREX: I’ve heard rumors about the biotic training the early human gens went through.  I’m more surprised that I ended up working with the duo that shut that shit down.

SHEPARD: Officially, that’s all you’re getting.  Unofficially and off the record?  We’ll see.

WREX: Don’t worry.  I can read between the lines.  Good fucking riddance.  

SHEPARD: I’ll drink to that.  

Kaidan raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything about the messaging going on.  

Regis chose to break the comfortable silence between them.  “Are you sure you’re okay with Wrex knowing what happened?”  He explained what Wrex said in his messages.

Kaidan shrugged.  “I’ve made my peace with it a long time ago.  I trust him to not do anything with it, like he said.  He made a point to clear it up with me earlier, but I guess he wanted to clear the air with you just in case.”

Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean he and Regis necessarily have the same thoughts about the situation.  Kaidan may be at peace with it, but he still struggles with the fact that he took someone’s life at such a young age.

Regis only wished he were the one that dealt the final blow instead of going in with a botched Stasis.  

“Just checking in.”

“I know, and I love you for it, but don’t worry, I’ve already shown him I can do a better job Lifting than he ever will.”

Regis laughed.  “Good.  Show him who’s boss around here.”

“Oh, I think he already knows.”   Kaidan slowly smiled, his voice going low and raspy.

“I still can’t believe you said that to him,” Regis said, shaking his head.  “Fuck, I love it when you do shit like that, but I was not prepared.”

Kaidan’s expression changed to one of concern, his eyebrows furrowing together. “Did I overstep?”

“No, you didn’t.  Just caught me off guard.”

“Good.” Kaidan set his utensils down and leaned in to pull Regis into a kiss, taking the lead without a second thought.  Regis sighed as Kaidan pressed in further, the remnants of their dinner forgotten.  “How much time do we have until we get to Noveria again?”

“A few hours, maybe?  Not that long,” Regis said, breathless.  “Enough.”

Kaidan stood up from the table and pulled Regis up with him.  “Then, if you aren’t opposed...”

“Hell no, get your ass over here.”

Kaidan’s eyes glowed blue for a brief moment.  “Gladly.”

----

Later during the suit up before docking on Noveria, Wrex looked at the two of them and grinned.  “Ah, you were right, Alenko, you can definitely take Shepard.”

“Would I ever lie to you, Wrex?” Kaidan asked, looking very pleased with himself.

Regis sighed, rubbing his temples.  “Remind me why I hired you again?”

Ashley laughed as she polished her shotgun.  “Do I even want to know what I missed?”

“Same here,” Tali said, working on her omni tool.

“Just some friendly conversation,” Wrex said, ignoring Regis.  “I’ll fill you two in later.”

“Oooo, gossip.  Love it.  Thank you, Wrex!” Ashley said with a grin.  “More to tease the big bad Skipper with.”  

“I hate all of you.” 

“No, you don’t!” Tali sing-songed, moving to punch Kaidan in the shoulder.  “Glad someone is here to keep Shepard in check.”

“We’ve been keeping each other in check for years, but this is the first time in a while someone’s been able to witness it.” Kaidan said, wrapping his arm around Regis as he was finishing his mods on his sniper rifle.

Regis couldn’t help but smile.  “This is the only good thing about the Spectre authorization.  I can finally say fuck you to frat regs.”

“Love looks good on you.  It’s good being here,” Ashley said.

“I can echo that,” Tali nodded.  “This is nice.  I finally have someone I can debate omni tools with again!”

Wrex shook his head.  “Yeah, yeah, following you was a good idea.”

Regis looked at his team.  Kaidan.  Ashley.  Tali.  Wrex.  A good group, one he quickly grew to trust and rely on.  A crew he hoped to have even beyond this mission, this hunt for Saren.

“Only a few more leads,” Regis said, “and I wouldn’t be able to do it without any of you.”

“You’re damn right,” Kaidan said, holding out Regis’s red and black scarf, a ritual they have done many times before on this current mission.  “Let me fix this for you?”

Regis grabbed Kaidan’s blue and grey scarf.  “And I’ll do the same for you.”

Regis bent his head forward as Kaidan affixed his scarf to his armor.  They switched positions and he did the same for Kaidan.

“Every time I see you two do that, I feel like I just witnessed a wedding,” Ashley said.  “Do I need to give a best man speech?”

“This scarf was about as close to a marriage proposal as I was going to get in this mess,” Kaidan said, pulling at it fondly.  “I’m expecting a ring when we’re done.  That is, if I don’t get him a ring first.”

“Let me know so I can film it!” Tali said.  “Human marriage customs are so lovely.”

Regis knew he was looking at Kaidan with a besotted look on his face, but at this point, he couldn’t bring himself to put on his usual mask.  “And I look forward to it.  All of you here on his family’s property.  It’ll be a blast.”  

Ten years they’ve been together.  It’s about damn time they do something about it.

“That it will be,” Kaidan echoed.  “Something to look forward to.”

Regis nodded, finalizing his touches on his gear.  “Everyone ready?  We’re getting near the docking point.”

Everyone shifted back into combat mode, standing ready for his orders.

There’s a lot to look forward to once this mission is over, and Regis hoped that everyone will be here to witness it.  A crew of his own he could trust, and a ship he could call “home” one day.

Maybe this spacer will finally find some peace amongst the stars with this crew.

[alyjojo]

September 🏋🏽‍♂️ 2024 Monthly - Aries

Preshuffle: It’s like you can see a problem coming from a mile away and have plenty of time to prepare for it, you’re not even answering the phone 😆 Aries isn’t home.

Meditation: Some Devil 👺 in a costume laughing maniacally to a bunch of kids in costumes, it’s clearly Halloween. There’s a whole house decorated with spooky things and fog machines…planning early?

Main energy: 5 Cups rev

What’s going on in September:

10 Pentacles, Page of Wands rev, Knight of Wands rev, Knight of Cups rev & 6 Pentacles

First thing I heard was “these damn kids” and I died laughing 😂 Someone has them, and they’re the type to spring shit on you without asking, planning, or thinking of the practical elements involved - like there’s no way you’re buying a $300 costume for one night, they must be trippin’. Or they gave you an idea in July, you bought the thing, and now they’re changing their minds in September - you do not even care, they better go back to liking Peppa Pig because that’s what they got. Whoever and whatever is involved with you this month is getting the response of “Deal with it 😎” whether they like it or not. I’m also seeing forced family costumes, like everyone is dressing up as an Inside Out character and you don’t care how much they protest…they probably will.

Outside of children, this could be work or family members where everyone has gone their own way and someone in particular or (for most), you, are trying to wrangle everyone back together. One person doesn’t communicate with anyone and leaves everyone waiting for responses. Another person has a crazy relationship or intense commitments and they’re hard to get ahold of. A third person is kinda dreamy & delusional in your opinion, but what can you do? I don’t see you judging anyone (out loud), more like you just want everyone together again. It’s possible it’s always you doing this though, why can’t everyone else get their shit together for once? You’re the leader and director of this show, clearly, but…isn’t that what you want? Wouldn’t you be unhappy if you weren’t that person? Could be something to think about - for now though you’re questioning your role as in, do others reciprocate your efforts? And going from there. That’s fair 💜

Signs you may be dealing with:

Sagittarius, Capricorn, Cancer, Taurus & Aries

Oracle: ✨

29 Changes 🍁

Like ripples from the smallest drop of water in a pond, the smallest of changes in one’s life can bring about the greatest rewards. Think about changes you can make in your life. These do not have to be grand, sweeping changes. Judicious, small changes can add up to life changes after time. Think about small changes you can make now to add to your quality of life: clean out clutter, commit to walking every night after dinner, cut out processed food from your life. Alternately - big changes are coming your way.

Trust Your Path 🧭

Listen to intuition, seek direction, and embrace discovery. Answers reveal the journey within.

True Intentions 😏

Stay authentic and aligned, trusting your inner wisdom to guide you toward genuine fulfillment.

We enter into September as:

Righteous Raspberry 💅🏽:

“I have the same high standards for myself as I do for others.”

This is a message to lighten up! Notice your present attitude towards others. Perhaps you’re being too hard on yourself, and others as well. Allow others to be as they are. Supporting others around you creates allies. Watch your expectations, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. You cannot be satisfied if you expect others to live up to standards you can’t even live up to. Besides, others are not you. Do it wrong, mess it up, have flaws. Trying to make the world perfect will only exhaust and alienate. Allow things to simply be. Look for what’s right in your world.

What is to be learned in September:

Royal Purple Brick 🧱

“She resists what she clings to.”

The fear of stepping out, of being abused, has grown so great that you no longer need a wall of fear to prevent you from living - a simple brick will do. Which of course symbolizes that what frightens you is much smaller than you imagine. What we resist, we cannot heal. Royal Purple Brick appears when we are resisting something, and may indicate a loss of faith. This is a sign of fear holding you back in some way and preventing you from moving forward. If you are experiencing pain, holding on tighter will only worsen the situation. Fear may also indicate you’re trying to save yourself from a path that will not serve you! Are you following your true passion? Is it divinely guided?

This can also indicate presently using your energy in a self-defeating way. Use your courage to let go of control and allow Spirit to come in and heal you. The promise of Royal Purple Brick is freedom after surrender. In letting go you may feel some discomfort, but you’ll also allow healing in. The fear of something is always greater than the actual event. This time period will be a life changing experience for you. Accept mystery. Release the brick and be free.

Purple may be a lucky color 💜

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream :) It’s 😵‍💫 anon.

The last few days have been tough, but somehow I feel better. Things feel ok, but there are some big changes I need to happen. I’m honestly a little scared because I’m not sure it’s even possible, but I don’t want to give up on it.

I have also discovered the roots to all of my problems. Like why I get triggered, why I speak or react a certain way, and even my coping. I know my previous anon messages seemed like I was on the right track….but I don’t think I was. I was doing what I used to do with the law, force feed positive thinking. Eventually I spiraled a day or 2 ago. But don’t get me wrong, I still learned from that as well. I depend on other people so much when it comes to the law that I don’t know how to function without checking blogs or just living. I say I have this mindset to keep going regardless but I don’t think I’m going forward as I truly should :( I’m moving, but I still feel so low. I move as if I am already defeated, but I have hope that maybe I can live this life I’ve dreamed of. That’s why I eventually fall every-time. I’ve just been so honest with myself.

One of the craziest things is, I see the negativity I hold inside reflected in my outside world. I’m not confident in my driving skills, and so people are scared to drive with me (this initially pissed me off so bad but then I thought, are they wrong tho? Look at what you think about your skills as well.). I get so snappy and down when certain people come around because I expect them to do something I don’t like (I have a negative perception for some people), and so other people have a negative perception of me. And you know what’s funny? There’s a person in my life who doesn’t believe in me, but they still force positive reinforcement when they don’t mean it….. but thats exactly what I do to myself. I don’t believe in anything good for me, but I still try to force positive words when I don’t mean it. I see me in everything that I don’t like. I was frustrated with it all but I started thinking “this is showing you what you should stop doing”. It’s helping me step out of this negative box I’ve built.

When it comes to Manifesting my dream reality, I’m not sure how I feel about it now. Well, I do know, but I just hate to admit it. For some reason, it’s so hard for me to step into this mindset that I am open for positive things. I’m not sure where to go from here, sadly. It feels like I’ll never be able to manifest. I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe in myself and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I don’t think I can manifest and I guess that’s what holds me back. That’s the only thing I haven’t been able to get to the root of, why can’t I manifest my dream reality? Idk. It’s frustrating. So I’m still moving forward regardless, but it doesn’t feel good at all.

I wish I could’ve given you a positive update today, dream. I’m learning & growing, but extremely stuck at the same time. Although this is not a happy message, it still feels like a little bit of good came out of this time. I truly get what you mean when you said you can’t fool yourself. It’s about within. We cannot run away from the problem that keeps coming back.

I’m just at this point of feeling down, but also letting everything be. Idek lol.

hello again wonderful anon <3

tbh i understand you entirely, and it's a thing i have to tell myself a lot as well. but the truth is... this is where you just keep moving forward in trust. i get it, you feel you could be doing things differently or maybe you're not doing something right but. this is the patience and grace we must afford ourselves in all of this... i think a thing not talked about is how happiness doesnt come overnight. because this community is obsessed with instant results, so we don't acknowledge the fact that the difficult times may not just end in a couple days all because we found our way. these things linger, way more than even i'd like to admit. i think that though,.. the most important thing in all of that is moving forward anyway. sure you feel like something is off, but why not begin practicing some trust in yourself then, along this path ? you'll lead yourself where u need to be. but thats smth you have to allow. let go of the need to over analyze yourself.

i'm glad u noticed that reflection of yourself in your world, and thus are able to being letting go of those things that aren't helpful for you.

when it comes to the manifesting and everything, tbh, i say put it on the back burner. this is the easiest way to move forward, at least for me it has been. when i stop relating everything to manifesting, and just seriously live life in the best way i can, everything falls into place. this is because manifesting isnt actually something to figure out or effort at. it's just a natural effect of being alive. so let it be natural and forget about it. focus on these things instead, that have to do with you. for example, see if it feels easier to believe in yourself when youre not relating it to manifesting anymore, but just simply living your daily life doing the little things you need to do for you. suddenly, you may see its actually not that hard to slowly allow in more real positivity for yourself, when its not based on manifesting anything but just based on you.

this will be a cycle you have to break, slowly but surely. when you put all of your faith into the law or manifesting or whatever, it's hard because you saw it as your savior. slowly, transition to seeing how only you can save yourself and you can start right now, waiting on nothing. working with life as its presenting itself and not as you wish it was, making you feel against it.

its a process, dear 😵‍💫 anon. and the truth is you never need apologize for a more difficult ask... its part of the process and its a process i know well. i wouldnt expect you to be perfect and bursting with happiness overnight. or even in a week. instead, all i hope is that you continue to wake up and give yourself a true chance. thats what really counts, little by little. ❣️

[themagikmirror]

🔥✨Aries Full Moon Lunar Eclipse : Let's Talk Power & Putting Yourself First!

Not only is this the finale of October 2023 & Eclipse Season, but it's also the last Eclipse in 2023 and in a series of Aries eclipses in general! This Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Aries offers sudden exposure and crystal clarity like never before! It's important to pay attention to what has been revealed to you in the month of October and within this moment. The eclipse officially happens October 28th, 2023. Since 2022 Sidereal Aries has been teaching us about POWER! In the video recording for the Eclipse (Let's Talk Power! : available on my Facebook Page) I discuss this and other topics like AUTHORITY & LEADERSHIP . These must ultimately be checked & balanced through other parties--relationships-- but ultimately through Spirit and the relationship within ourselves.

Are you comfortable with the amount of power you're giving up or (vice versa) the amount of power that you are taking away? And is this what Spirit wants?

🔮General Messages :

We need to tighten up our ancestral work this Fall.

We need to be present throughout the rest of 2023 vs. skipping & rushing ahead to 2024.

I reviewed a track record of messages I’ve channeled through the Aries energy from 2021 - now. Aries has challenged us in the following ways..... Consider how these themes have played out within your life over that time span :  EMBRACING THE JOURNEY. Realize there is always gonna be a new level & a new devil. We have to be comfortable with the challenge of starting over and starting new things, even when we feel like we’ve been through or mastered so much. EMBRACING SOLITUDE. This doesn’t mean cutting people off unnecessarily or blocking yourself from having meaningful relationships and exchanges, but it does mean feeling secure in one’s self & not letting other people hinder what you are doing/wish to be doing. Stepping into your power means learning how to operate with/without other's support, encouragement, validation and helping hands. BEING MORE INTENTIONAL Actions need to match intentions and intentions need to match actions, period. Simple. Otherwise it’s wasted energy & effort that may also yield messy, painful & undesirable results. Spirit knows when intentions don’t match the actions. We cannot disguise unaligned energy for long. Make sure not only are you being intentional, but the people you around you are intentional too. TAKING YOUR POWER BACK & PROTECTING YOUR ENERGY From people & situations that are abusing access to you & from abandoning yourself. This process starts with being present to our bodies & FEELING our needs, even if that includes feelings of complete rage. What is that telling you? This is also about not letting challenges completely shut us down and make us quit things that we have a desire for through perseverance.  EGO DEATH, MOVING ON & SURRENDER Let the dead weight & baggage go, its holding you down & blocking movement. Free & unstuck yourself! Not everything will go our way not only because it’s not what’s best for us, but also not best for the people around us. Power is not just about realizing what you CAN do, but it’s also having a pretty good idea on what you CAN’T do as well. Sometimes community & relationships are God’s way of showing us our limits. There are some things that are completely out of our control, even about ourselves. So how do we expect our ego & will to force things for someone/something outside of us always? Ego, Pride & Force is not a master key. TAKING THE LEAD & FACING FEARS Not being afraid of stepping up, embarking on new things, taking down old challenges, following our passion and putting ourselves out there. Being a leader not just for others, but for ourselves. Again, sometimes it’s just you & God at the front line. Remove (self) doubts & move mountains!

The easiest way to check & balance POWER is to PUT YOURSELF FIRST. When we are centered within ourselves, we establish a right relationship with responsibility to ourselves & others . There's a lot of healing & transformation available at this moment. This is a time of CHANGE where we may see results & manifestations kicking in, but it's also high time to heal the abandonment wounds & not just show up for others, but to continue showing up for ourselves. It's equally time to stop robbing people of rightful seats at the table in your life & places in the spotlight. It's also time to stop feeding the very ego that may be harming you & others.

This final eclipse is equally about SURRENDER as it is about change. Those topics are 2 sides of the same coin. In order to experience CHANGE, we must SURRENDER.

CHANGE + SURRENDER = FREEDOM.

Knowing When to Throw in the Towel is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of wisdom. It's quite foolish to keep pushing something into fruition when you are being drained. If calling it quits saves us from destruction… it may be time to do so....

Note : ITS NOT ABOUT GIVING UP, ITS ABOUT USING YOUR ENERGY WISELY 

In this reading ✨Spirit once continues to command us to :

SAY NO!

Spirit needs us to STAND BEHIND our Boundaries, needs & desires right now! This moment is about not backing down. You can see the "Strength" card, which literally has a pillar on it.

Its giving "STAND FOR NOTHING, FALL FOR ANYTHING"

In this moment, know exactly what you stand for : YOURSELF

who/what is trying to rob you of the power you personally possess or conduct an unfair exchange?

Or, for some : is the leadership, the pedestal & the spotlight worth some of the sacrifices? Do you need to tell some people to back up, chill out & try doing it themselves?

POWER is something that we all possess in unique ways. The powers we possess are exchanged to survive, create and enjoy life. Although we all possess personal power, there's still things and people that can either fuel or deplete & diminish it.

✨Spirit asks us :

Please examine the ways you may need to pull back, reject, deny & refuse....

This is once again to remain CENTERED within Spirit & ourselves! It's also to check & balance power and authority in our relationships & engagements. To control others, you have to be completely out of control. Is that what you want? LEADERSHIP is not at all about controlling others, but being a change agent, example & a guide. Consider what you are able to exemplify, change and guide for others.

This entire eclipse season has been about the importance of

CHANGE : REFUSING TO REPEAT PATTERNS THAT DON'T WORK, BOUNDARIES, SPEAKING UP, STANDING UP, SELF LOVE & REFUSING TO ABANDON YOURSELF FOR THE NEEDS & DESIRES OF ANOTHER PARTY...

*especially when you are not getting a fair exchange*

When there's fair exchanges of power , no one has to abandon themselves, because everyone is getting treated how they would treat themselves or better!

✨Spirit says :

It will take Strength to be a disappointment or a let down to others / stand up for yourself / relinquish responsibilities/ not abandon yourself -- ESPECIALLY if this is what you are used to doing! But being a little vulnerable is the key! Utilizing the power of reflection, showing your truth & returning energy (power & responsibility) back to sender will set you free from burdens.

THIS IS ABOUT FREEDOM.