#learn to barely pass the exam and then forget and never apply the shit again.

[zahnaufzahn]

im trying to stay hopeful and inspire people to reflect and learn but the further we get into this apprenticeship the angrier and dejected I become. people refusing to learn anything thats got nothing to do with their personal lives is so frustrating to observe. you look at people and you want to shake them and shake them and scream "why arent u opening ur eyes? the world is so big LOOk u IDIOT" and they keep them shut so tight and scream back "no no i dont care haha"

[tojismaiden]

SNK Male Characters as Yandere's (Modern AU)

WARNING: will contain dark themes.

Eren the Violent

It's a known fact that Eren doesn't have the best temper in the world.

But for you, he'd try his best to be patient. Key word: Try.

When Eren saw you, you were like the light at the end of the tunnel. The rainbow after the rain. The finish line. The trophy. The angel that every devil sought after.

You were kind to almost everybody but you were also fearless when you need to be. You helped everyone that you could and that included Eren. He got into another fight? You'd patch him up. He's lashing out on someone again? You'd calm him down. Everytime he needed someone, you were there.

So who could possibly blame him for falling for you? For wanting you?

At first, it was just an innocent crush he had on you. But days passed and he found himself growing more agitated. You were just too good, too pure. Eren knew that deep down, he had to have you. He's lost so much in his life, he can't lose you too.

So when the time came that he confessed, imagine his surprised and embarrassment when you told him you were with someone else. Of course, Eren being Eren, he'd pretend it's nothing and carry on with his day.

You thought none of it of course and kept treating Eren as how you saw him as; a friend.

Eren isn't the most patient man in the world, and neither is he the most calm one.

So please don't be surprised if you find your s/o brutally murdered.

"Oh, Y/N. I'm so sorry about your partner. I heard what happened. Such a shame, really."

"It's okay, Eren... I just— I just don't understand. Who would do something like this?"

"I don't know. But whoever it was, the person may not have liked your partner at all. In fact, that person might have hated them."

Your partner's death saddened you immensely but you were thankful that Eren was with you as you grieved. However, the more you spent time with Eren, the more concerned your friends got. They had bad vibes with him.

And Eren felt they don't particularly like him.

So the next time you see a news about an unknown killer going around?

Ignore it.

Your friends falling as victims of the said killer? Ignore it.

After all, Eren did it for you. So you could be together.

Forever.

Armin the Manipulative

There's no denying that Armin is smart. Way too fucking smart.

He would top in his classes and everyone came to him whenever they needed help with their homework.

But what exactly did Armin like about you? Simple. It's your sincerity.

Sure, he has friends and sure, his classmates would thank him whenever he helped them but with you, Armin could really feel like you learned something from him. It wasn't like the usual where the other would get the answers to their questions but obtained nothing from his explanation.

With you, you really applied what he taught you.

And Armin felt... appreciated. Like he wasn't being used to people's advantages.

So ever since then, Armin would willingly help you. Even offering to tutor you privately, free of charge! And each time you two spent time together, Armin's feelings for you grew stronger. The stronger they got, the more he got slightly too infatuated with you.

Weekly tutors turned into everyday tutors to the point where Armin would even tutor you during the weekend!

But who were you to say no? You were so thankful. If it weren't for Armin, you might have backloaded a subject or worse, repeated a grade!

You barely had time for your friends anymore but Armin assured you that it's better this way. That it's better if you prioritized your study sessions with him because your friends would just distract you.

And hey, come to think of it. Weren't they the reason you slept so late the last few weeks and almost made you miss an exam?

However, as busy as you are, you somehow found yourself in a situation where you got into a date with someone. An upperclassmen one of your friends introduced you to back then.

And when Armin found out, he was livid. But he loves you so much that he couldn't possibly bear to hurt you, no. Instead, he saved you from the inevitable torment.

"Y/N, you did this portion wrong, do it again." "Y/N! Didn't I tell you to replace this number with this? Do it again." "We're not stopping until you get it right."

Sure, Armin can be strict, but it's for your own good.

"Y/N, I apologize if I was harsh today. I just want to see you do good. And I'm so proud of you. I really believe you'll ace this test this week."

"I-It's okay, Armin. And thank you for helping me again. I promise I'll—"

"Say, Y/N, you should really stop seeing that person. I heard you were going out on a date with (Your crush's name). I suggest you don't. I heard they're going out with a friend of yours. (You friend's name) is their name, I think?"

"W-What? Where did you heard that?"

"Everyone's been talking about it. Plus, I think the reason you're doing pretty bad today is because of them. So please, Y/N, we worked really hard for you to get such good scores. Wouldn't you wanna make your senpai proud?"

You're so thankful for Armin. And you really don't want to disappoint him after all of what he's done for you.

So what better way to repay him than be obedient?

Jean the Stalker

It's not rocket science that Jean is a handsome young man.

But when he saw you? Oh, boy. He felt as if everything in the world felt right. You were just so fucking beautiful. The first time he saw you, he just couldn't look away. It felt as if his breath got knocked out of him.

He was sure you were a God/Goddess walking on Earth. Never had he seen someone so ethereal.

But the thing is, you were just so out of his league. While everyone kept talking to you, made friends with you, flirted with you, Jean stood from afar and watched you from the distance.

Sure, he follows your social media accounts. But he couldn't help but make dummy accounts and followed your accounts as well. He didn't want to take the risk of accidentally liking a picture of yours from years back with his personal account.

He didn't want you to think of him as a weird stalker or something because Jean is definitely not a stalker, no. Just no chance of him being that.

What Jean didn't know, is that you never noticed him at all. It's not your fault though, he was usually quiet and blended in the background. If you ever did see him around, you'd forget about him soon after. A shame, really.

But don't let Jean know that.

What started as him following your social media accounts turned into him just simply following you around.

He took note of you always stopping by at this convenient store right after class to buy your favorite drink and favorite sandwich almost everyday before you go home.

It happened so frequently, him walking with his hoodie on, head hung low as he walked a few steps behind you and somehow watching you buy the exact same thing everyday.

But everytime, Jean would only stop by at the convenient store. Once you were done, he would walk home. He didn't want to follow you home. Well, it's not that he didn't want to, it's just that he doesn't have the courage yet.

However, curiosity got the best of him and at night, when you were going home late, he followed you on your way home and you swore you could feel as if someone was follow you.

"Who's there?" Nothing.

When Jean successfully followed you home, it was like something inside him flicked open. And every night, he would stop by outside your home for an hour or so and every night he would see your silhouette as you took off your clothes and changed into comfier ones, and Jean had thoughts where he'd imagine just how you looked underneath them.

With each passing day, you felt as if you were continuously being watched. Being followed.

Maybe next time, you should really learn how to close your window.

Say, do you remember where your favorite underwear went?

Erwin the Blackmailer

You could never really ask for a better boyfriend. Erwin has it all.

At least, that's what you thought in the first few years of your relationship.

Erwin was everything you wanted and more. And he loved you so much... way too much.

And truthfully, you loved Erwin too. But there's no denying he's gotten so unbearable.

Back then, you would have done everything for Erwin. But every bit of love that you had for this man was now replaced with fear.

When Erwin began to openly express his obsession with you and his primary goal of making you all to himself, you had run away from him, far too scared of the lengths he'd go through just to satisfy this... obsession of his.

You noticed it little by little. But never had you thought it would come to this.

It started small at first. He would stop you from spending time with your friends little by little until you could no longer see them.

He would say something about them being bad influences. Going as far as to make up convincing lies that you, stupidly fell for.

After that, he stopped you from seeing your own family. Cut ties with those who are important to you. Deprived you your freedom. For he thought that you, going outside meant that you would meet someone else other than him.

And the thought of someone even merely looking at you made his blood boil.

But everytime you ran away from him, he would find you. Doesn't matter if you hid from him for weeks, months. He would end up finding you each and everytime.

At first, Erwin liked the cat and mouse game that you played. He thought it was thrilling. But then he slowly realized you were gaining this new profound strength. As if you thought that he wouldn't do anything except to find you and drag you back with him.

"I'm not going with you anymore, Erwin! I'm sick of this shit. You're all bark but no bite. Well, guess what? I'm done. And I'm not coming back!"

"Bark but no bite, eh? I wish you hadn't said that, Y/N. Say, your best friend doesn't live too far from here. You wouldn't mind if I pay them a visit, right? I'm sure they're worried about you, doll."

Ever since then, Erwin would blackmail you by threatening to hurt your loved ones if you didn't do as you were told.

This made your fear for him to go back and one time where you did disobey him despite his threats, you received a news where your bestfriend was found badly beaten in a dark alley and the perpetrator was nowhere to be found. Your bestfriend almost died if the suspect hadn't stopped.

And deep down, you knew this was Erwin's doing. It served as a warning that he wasn't afraid to kill for you so long as you stayed with him.

"I'm doing this for us, doll. Why can't you see how much I love you?"

"They don't deserve you, Y/N. They aren't willing to go for miles for you. But me, I would do anything to keep you by my side. Isn't that what you wanted? You said you didn't want to lose me, right?"

Erwin loved you so much. He wouldn't want to risk losing you ever again.

Maybe he should try going after your family this time the next time you try and run away from him.

Levi the Possessive

Levi had lost more people than he could count. So the moment he saw you?

He didn't want to let go.

What's scary about Levi is that you don't know what he's thinking of. He would never let you know what it is that runs through his mind.

He knows, however, that you're just like him. You lost your family and you barely had any friends. And you worked as a waiter/waitresss at this local diner to earn money for your tuition fee.

Levi understands. He's been through that struggle and he could see it on your face. He took note of everything you did. And he made a habit of coming in for tea even though the tea in the diner tasted like shit. But if you made it, he would make sure to leave an extra tip.

Levi made sure that it was you who would serve him everytime. If it were someone else, he would request for you immediately.

You never really noticed Levi, in all honesty. It wasn't his fault. It's not that he's not attractive. It's just that you were too far in your head to even look or strike a conversation with him.

You were quiet and obedient and somehow Levi liked that about you. It just means you would put up a less of a fight. Means it would be easier to convince you. Means that you would always say yes.

Though Levi hoped that underneath that submissive nature to you, you would somehow have a backbone there. Being too compliant would bore him to death.

And he witnessed that when you suddenly snapped at a customer for being perverted. You were almost fired on the spot if it weren't for the fact that Levi testified for you.

That was the first time you truly noticed him.

Ever since then, you made sure that you would be the one to serve Levi everytime he came by. And you made his tea extra special, which he appreciated. It was the least you could do after he helped you out the other day.

Days passed and Levi had successfully scored a date with you. The first time he saw your apartment, he was really glad to see it clean and organized despite its dinginess and small size. It was all you could afford.

Levi suggested a stay-in date at your place, just so he could see if you were fit to live with him. Once he saw how great of a cook you are, how tidy you are and everything, he knew it was time to eventually convince you.

Sex with Levi meant that he would top you. All of the fucking time. And everytime it happened, he would always mutter the same thing to you:

"You're mine. All fucking mine."

Of course, you treated it as simple dirty talk. Men say that all the time, right?

Eventually, Levi brought up the idea of you living with him. At first, you declined. You couldn't possibly do that. But Levi having a silver-tongue meant he eventually convinced you.

Living with Levi was a walk in a park. You'd help him clean and would tell him that you would help out with the bills but you were surprised when he told you that you didn't have to worry about that.

"Just sit down and look pretty for me, brat. That's all you need to do. You don't have to worry about the money."

You didn't like that Levi didn't want you to help with the bills but you couldn't possibly retort something back. He let you live in a nice home with a nice bathroom. Who were you to have a say in things?

Days passed, and Levi somehow brought up the topic of you quitting your job.

"What? But I like—"

"Like being a waiter/waitress? Come on, Y/N. Your colleagues are absolute assholes and don't get me started on your manager. I see how he looks at you."

"I'm sure that's not true, Levi..."

"Are you doubting me?"

"W-What? N-No, I—"

"That's a good girl. You know I'd hate it if those dingy dickwads were to look at what's mine, right?"

You quit your job.

Levi knew you'd be bored inside the house so in return, he let you sign up in one of those online courses to keep you busy.

It was all coming into plan. Finally, he got the partner for life he always dreamed of. The one that would cook him dinner everytime he came home from work. Would pleasure him in bed when he's stressed. Would clean without him having to ask you.

You were so perfect.

People hadn't heard from you for months. But Levi convinced you that there's no need if people heard from you or not. Eventually, they would forget about you. You had no family, you had no friends, all you had was Levi.

And if you found out that Levi would lock you inside the house everytime he left for work, you would choose to stay silent.

And if he were to ask you to wear a chain around your ankle, who were you to say No?

After all, Levi gave you everything.

Levi was your everything.

And you were everything to Levi.

How could he ever share something so precious to the world?

[otptings]

Forever and Always

Idol ; Wong Yukhei (Lucas)

Genre ; Fluff, Slight Angst (past fboy!Lucas, hinted mafia!Lucas (barely a hint), mentions of a fight)

this is a rewrite of my previous Home that I wrote. I really didn't like how it looked so I edited. I hope you guys enjoy this new and improved version

"What the hell happened to you?" Lucas gave me his big puppy dog smile. The smile he would use after a cheesy pick up line, or bad joke. A smile that made his eyes sparkles, and made my heart flutter at the sight.

But not now. This was a smile where he tried to hide his wince from his busted lip. Lucas leaned against my doorway, looking as if he would pass out any moment. Grabbing his hand I pulled him in to my apartment shutting the door behind me. Helping him over to the couch Lucas groaned as he sat down, only making my worry increase.

"Hi angel." I glared at him before turning away. Lucas grabbed my arm to keep me leaving.

"Don't leave please." I felt my heart break as I heard him whimper.

"I'm coming back, I have to go get the first aid kit." He looked up at me as if he was checking to see if I was telling the truth. Nodding his head he slowly let me go. I quickly ran to get the first aid kit. Sitting down on the couch beside him I opened it, and made sure that I had everything.

"Now are you going to tell me what happened?"

Nodding feebly Lucas looked down at his hands. "I got into a fight."

I rolled my eyes at the dumbass answer he gave me. As if I couldn't see that. "I'm not stupid, I know you got into a fight. Why did you get into a fight?"

Inspecting the cuts on his face, I saw that they were all superficial. Grabbing the alcohol I dipped a cotton swab in it, before gently brushing it over his cuts. He hissed at the burning sensation. Settling his hands on my waist, he squeezed ever time it hurt too much.

"It was because of you." My hand faltered for a bit before I finished up cleaning his cuts. Grabbing the ointment I spread it on the opposite end and coated all of his cuts with it, making sure to place a bandaid over them.

Moving down to his hands, I refused to look up at him. His knuckles were split open and starting to turn a nasty purple. Cleaning his knuckles, and applying ointment I wrapped bandages around them.

'Why? You know I hate you fighting even if it was for me, you know your past." Lucas sighed before grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him.

"Someone was talking shit about us, our relationship, how I treat you in their eyes. They said that I didn't deserve you, that I was only using you for my own pleasure. Mentioned all the girls from my past. They were taunting me. I started to walk away but they said how they would treat you better, fuck you better. How much better they were than me, for you."

Lucas let go of my chin, and looked down at his bandaged hands. "My blood started boiling, and before I knew it I was getting kicked out of the bar. I just couldn't help it. I try so hard to leave my past behind, and I know that you deserve better than me, but it's fucking shitty to hear it. I'm sorry I know that you hate me fighting, and I should've walked away. I was wrong."

Tilting his head up I leaned in to kiss Lucas, being mindful of his lip. When I tried to pull away Lucas placed his hand on the back of my neck, keeping me in place. Lucas bit my bottom lip causing me to let out a gasp, and slipped his tongue past my lips. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with his hair at the base of his neck. He licked behind my teeth and used his arm wrapped around my waist to pull me in closer, until our chests were touching.

This made it all worth it. Feeling him, feeling his love for me even though he doesn't say it often. It's only be 2 years since we were in college, but his past seems to follow him. I know that he is constantly trying to prove to me that he's changed, and he's showed it in so many ways.

Him bringing me flowers after a hard day of work, making me dinner randomly, and planning surprise dates on our off days. He was constantly showing me he loved me through his actions, that he's changed.

After what seemed like hours we finally pulled away, keeping our foreheads together. I could feel his breath on my lips, and I know that he felt the same. If either of us talked our lips would brush against each other. Looking in the eyes that I loved so much I saw love and anger. I don't know if it was at the stranger, or at himself for his past.

"I love you." I whispered, scared that if I spoke any louder I would ruin the moment. Scared that there still might be a piece of him that shies away from love. This was the closest that Lucas has ever been too sincere to me.

"I'm sorry. For everything I've put you through. I love you so much." I looked down, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. Him saying I love you was so rare even 3 years into our relationship. I knew that if I looked him I would cry.

Lucas had other plans as he grabbed my face again and forced me to look at him. "I'm serious. I've been thinking, and I think I'm ready for you to move in with me. I know this a bad time to tell you, but I'm serious about you, about us, our future."

I pulled away from Lucas quickly. Moving in? That wasn't a big step, it was a gigantic one. Was I truly ready for that?

Looking at Lucas looked like a kicked puppy. I hated whenever Lucas had that look. I only ever wanted to make Lucas happy. And couldn't I say the same for him? He only ever tried to make me happy and feel loved, even if he doesn't know how to properly say it. We've been together for 3 years, despite his past and some of the obstacles - read threats- we faced, they've been absolutely amazing. But what about his job? Would I be safe in his house? Knowing what he did?

But this is Lucas. The same person who decorated my apartment our senior year because I had exams the same week and didn't want to celebrate. He refused to let me spend my birthday alone and even made me a cake. The same one who became my personal chauffeur when I had broken my fight. Who gave me his jacket so that no one would mess with me on campus. Who went out and brought me soup at 2 am when he learned that I had the flu and couldn't get out soup. Who had one of his 'coworkers' bring me lunch and coffee because he knew I would forget to eat due to stress. Who kissed away my tears whenever I was stressed because of class, or because of exams. Who sat with me and read my essays as many times as I needed him to.

The one was incredibly gentle with me our first time. Who asked for my consent every step of the way. Who cupped one of my cheeks gently, and rubbed his thumb against my face as he thrusted into me. Who was so sweet I cried because I'd never felt that loved before during sex.

The same person who I trusted with my heart, and life.

I didn't realize that I was crying until Lucas cupped my face and wiped away the tears before leaving multiple kisses on my cheeks.

"If you don't want to you don't have to. I would never force you." I shook my hand quickly before moving his hands, intertwining our fingers.

"I want to move in with you." He looked at me for a second trying to determine I was telling the truth. Once he saw no hesitation he broke out into the smile that I loved so much.

The one that made his eyes sparkle, and my heart flutter. Wrapping his arms around my waist he stood up and spun me around until I was laughing. Placing me on my feet he held my cheeks and kissed me deeply.

I realized it didn't matter where we were or if we were ready. He was my home. Forever and Always.

-

"You won right?"

"I thought you didn't like me fighting?"

"I hate it but I can't be dating a loser."

"You know I won, and if I wouldn't have? He would've had a bullet in his head."

"Thats my baby."

[seungminotes]

Charming Worries Away

Hello @n8dlesoupguk I was your skz secret santa! I had so much fun talking to you this month and you are so so sweet I wuv you now. I know this is a bit later for you because time zones boo :( but I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and enjoyed today to the fullest! Hope you enjoy this, much love. 

word count: 1.5k 

desc. / warning: hogwarts au, Gryffindor!Jisung x reader (no house specified), gender neutral

note: hope you enjoy!

It was already past the newly implaced strict curfew, but you couldn’t get the sound of Jisung’s frantic whispering of enchantations out of your head. There was no doubt the guy was practicing his charms that evening when he skipped supper in the Great Hall, without even giving you the usual heads up when he missed.

You knew his upcoming NEWTs were stressing him out as of late, his Charms exam more than any other, as expected from the forgetful boy. He’d always managed to change up spells a bit, placing emphasis on the wrong parts of words, even replacing some with awfully incorrect ones. You wish you could somehow help the troubled Gryffindor, but you knew Jisung was often too prideful to ever actually accept your help. 

Which is why you were currently tiptoeing towards the astronomy tower, exactly where he was to take his exam next week. He’d been practicing there for the past few days, figuring out mnemonic devices he could possibly use from the surroundings to little avail. He was well aware of the great possibility he had in failing this one NEWT and it slightly discouraged him in his hopes of someday becoming a great auror, like the ones he’d see on the daily newspapers the owls would drop during breakfast. Ever since his first year, he’d dreamed of becoming such a figure, having been muggle-born though, he knew there was a lot to learn. But he never thought his forgetful tendencies could ever hold him back this much. 

When you opened the creaky door to the Astronomy Tower’s roof, Jisung was sure enough hunched over his Charms notebook that you had binded the week prior, insisting that he stop lugging around and losing dozens of sheets of paper around campus. You had even offered to transcribe them into a separate book for him, worried his awful handwriting was only contributing to his trouble in remembering the right words to charms (though you hesitated in specifying this reasoning). He of course rejected your offer, adamant on getting by on his own somehow. 

“Sung,” you called. 

Jisung promptly looked up, sighing internally as his gaze was met with your glowing eyes looking down towards him. He immediately took notice of the aluminum wrapped bowl you held, surely from the kitchen you so often would sneak to this late at night with him on weekends. 

He stood to take the bowl from your clammy hands, placing it on the roof’s concrete barrier, just at his own chest height.

“It’s late,” he sighed, this time externally, heaving a deep breath after. He wouldn’t normally mind meeting up with you this late, but this wasn’t the time to be fooling around, his Charms NEWT was the very first he was to take next week, he couldn’t risk getting distracted now. 

“Benefits of a prefect in training-in-training I guess,” you shrugged before pulling out the badge given to you earlier that night. 

Jisung’s face quickly ridded itself of any signs of exhaustion and frustration, his bright gummy smile on full display at the sight. You’d wanted to be a prefect for a while now, and though he never understood why, he was suddenly so full of happiness for you, momentarily forgetting his own worries.  

He quickly pulled you into a tight embrace. 

“Sneaking out will be a lot easier now huh,” he teased. 

“I could deduct points, watch out,” you countered, causing him to scoff with a  feigned hurt face. 

Your banter soon died down from the news and Jisung’s worries suddenly came crashing down onto him once again. 

“I’m gonna fail,” he signed, still somehow maintaining a small smile from before. He knew his dream of becoming an auror was crushed if he couldn't pass this measly test. 

“So what if you do?” you stood by him, looking over the roof’s barrier over to the darkness of the Forbidden Forest

He scoffed again. “What do you mean ‘so what?’ I can’t be an auror if I fail, stupid,” he ruffled your hair harshly.

“You could always retake it you know, there’s no shame in it, but Jisung…” you began to reason, but soon trailed off not knowing how to put things into words correctly enough for this conversation to be of any help for Jisung. 

“But…” he mocked. 

“I probably couldn’t be an auror anyay, right? Are there even muggle-born aurors? Do you think I could make it?” he asked, turning his gaze towards you, surprised to meet your eyes on him again. He was letting his thoughts eat him up now and you of course knew this because Jisung would never voice out such insecurities, he was your token Gryffindor, prideful, strong, self-assured, sometimes cocky kind of Gryffindor, a poster boy for the damn house, though muggle-born. 

“Jisung, of course you can make it. You’re Han Jisung, the best seeker Hogwarts has ever seen, the ‘best Defence Against the Dark Arts student’ Snape has ever had, you’re good at everything you’ve ever touched, are you kidding me? I wish I was half as good as you with the spells you can barely cast sometimes and I’ve been in this magic shit my whole life. Are you seriously doubting yourself now, oh so prideful Gryffindor?” Your attempt at reassuring him was not a complete miss, Jisung’s heart swelled at the mention of your admiration for his skills, but that Snape comment did the trick in getting him to show off his bright smile again.

“Snape did not say that,” he laughed off. 

“Best muggle-born I’ve ever met,” you mocked in the best impression you could muster, placing that hateful emphasis on the ‘muggle-born’ as your dreaded professor so often does. 

“That’s a compliment if I’ve ever heard one, take it or leave it, that’s the best you’re getting from that grinch.” 

“I’ll make him give me a better one, one of these days,” he sighed. 

“That sounds like my Sung,” you reach over to his hand clutching his notes, gently taking them from him, unknowing of the red spreading all over Jisung’s face at your comment. ‘Your Sung’ he repeated in his head. 

“You should eat and get to bed, you’re pressuring yourself too much these days, you’re gonna jumble up your spells in there,” you playfully knock on his forehead. 

Your caring nature isn’t unusual, but for reasons unknown to Jisung at this very moment, it makes him nervous. He feels a slight bump in his throat, keeping him from voicing out his refusal at the idea of heading to bed and taking back his book, his nerves are tingling and he feels his heart speed up and his hands begin to clam up as he takes of the aluminum foil of the warm container of food, most likely charmed by you to stay so hot on such a cold night. 

You stand so close yet so unaware of the fumbling feelings of the boy standing right beside you, flipping through his notes and once again eyeing his scribbles inscribed messily with the quill he was somehow still so ill-accustomed to. 

“My offer to rewrite these still stands, you know, can you even read this?” your eyes narrow to attempt at reading a page yourself. 

“I think I can read what I write, thanks,” he awkwardly laughs off, cheeks full of rice.

“Hmmm, I think I’ll do it anyway, free of charge, you won’t even owe me anything, promise,” you insist, watching his head slightly tilt down in embarrassment. 

“Jisung, you know that I’m always willing to help you right? You don’t have to ask. I’m right here for you.” you assure him.

‘You don’t have to though,” he explains, sighing once again as he lifts the spoonful of rice to his mouth again. 

“Jisung, I want to,” you argue, firm in your words, this time clutching the boy’s arm gently, applying slight pressure to assure him of your presence. Your eyes deadpanned on his, your expression was so serious yet so vulnerable at this very moment and Jisung woud have to be stupid to not realize the implictness of your words. 

Jisung’s heart surged at the contact and he suddenly wished he would've just brushed off your offer and let you go through the pain of copying his notes for him. 

He was suddenly all too aware of your hand on his arm and the gaze you held so intently on him and the meaning of every little thing you two had ever done together. He wondered how long he’d felt these nerves for and could not pinpoint an exact moment when this increased heartbeat began to feel familiar with your touch. It could have been years ago for all he knew. His thoughts were spiraling way too fast for his comfort. 

“I want you to,” he suddenly blurted much louder than he intended to, he realized as he watched you flinch. 

“Good,” you meekly responded, taking a deep breath of relief at his anwer.

“Good,” he whispered before slightly closing his eyes with the cool breeze and sighing one more time.  

[purplesurveys]

375

Choose any age you once were; answer the questions about you at THAT age. Age of choice: 17 (this was in 2015), as determined by Gab haha. The People I Knew Who was your crush (or significant other) back then? I was with Gab for the first half of the year, but I broke up with her too. Was anyone crushing on you? If so, who? I dunno, possibly. I was never entirely sure of Gab’s feelings in the first run of our relationship cos we rushed the whole thing really, so I don’t want to assume and say that she was attracted to me then. Who was your best friend at the time? Sofie, Angela, and Gab. Pretty much the same crew except I don’t talk to Sofie anymore. Any enemies/people you didn't like? Marielle, as always. Which family member were you closest to? I’ve never been close to my family, but if I had to name someone I guess it would be one of my older cousins, who I call Kuya since he feels just like an older brother to me.

Which family member were you the least close to? My mom. If you were in school, name a teacher you had: That was senior year, sooooo...Ms. Michelle. She was our class adviser but she also taught homeroom. What was your attitude toward people in general? I think I relied on other people a lot, because that was the year my grandfather died (first time I ever had to deal with death) and I got dumped and for the first time in several years, I suddenly cut Gabie out of my life. It took some adjusting that could’ve only been fixed by surrounding myself with others. It also helps that it was our last year in high school so it was a year when my classmates and I really bonded together. The Places I Went: Whose house were you at the most? I didn’t go to a lot of friends’ at the time but it was most probably either Athenna’s or Angela’s. Where was your favorite place to go to have fun? Chelsea’s house I think haha. My friend group weren’t mall people, we just hung out at the houses of those who’d be willing to accommodate us for the evening and for the most part, that was Chelsea’s place. Did you go on any vacations at that age? If so, where? Sagada/Baguio is the most significant one that comes to mind, but I’m sure we went someplace else but I’ve just forgotten. Where was your favorite place to shop? I didn’t shop much at the time. Favorite place to eat out at the time? I don’t think I had a favorite. I was stuck in school for 10 hours for 5 days straight for 14 years and we were far far away from the city, so going to the mall and trying out restaurants were very seldom. Did you go to any concerts? If so, who did you go to see? I did! I saw One Direction. Barely though, since our seats were far and it was held on mere concert grounds (not an arena which has multi-levels), meaning if you were far away then you had no chance of actually seeing the artist/s. We were far but still close enough that we could make them out, and that was good enough for me. Did you prefer being indoors or outdoors? I was definitely an indoors baby. I still am but I also like going outside now. What state/province did you live in at the time? I’ve been living in the same house. The Things I Did What did you and your friends usually do when you hung out? We were minors, so we’d usually get together for each other’s school events. Half of my friend group was from an all-girls school (AA), and the other half is from an all-boys school (Ateneo). If Ateneo had some sort of benefit concert or fair, we’d go there. If we had our own fair or concert or whatever, the boys would come over to hang with us. If it wasn’t a school thing then we’d normally hang out at someone’s place and order in food. It was a simpler time. What did you usually do in your free time? 2015 was a busy year and whatever free time I got, I used to take charge of the school yearbook or study for college entrance exams. Was there anything extra memorable you did at this age? Yes. I had my first kiss, first breakup, first experience with death, and I went to Sagada and was at peace with myself for the first time that year. I also passed the 3/3 universities I applied for. Oh and I was able to mend my relationship with Gabie and we ended up so much closer than I ever thought we would get. Pretty crazy year. Did you kiss anyone? If so, who? I did. Gab was my first kiss. I thought I was terrible but a few years later she showed a Tumblr post of hers writing about that kiss, and she seemed to think otherwise. Did you ever get in trouble for anything? Like what? I probably did, but I’ve most likely discarded it from my memories. What kind of music did you usually listen to? Up Dharma Down, BP Valenzuela, Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith...I was into a lot of sad music because again, I went through a breakup and it had been a pretty shitty year. Oh and that was the year Adele’s Hello came out which was the icing to my shitty fucking cake. Did you buy anything that you still have to this day? What was it? I’m sure I do, but I don’t keep track of the years I buy my stuff. Did you ever get teased for anything? I don’t think so. What was something you got upset over, if any? I recapped all of them several questions ago, my friend. What was something you got really excited over, if any? Passing the UPCAT and getting Gabie back (as my best friend) were the pots of gold I needed (and got) by the end of 2015. There was no better way to cap off the year. The Things I Liked... & Didn't Like A band/singer you liked? I was on a One Direction high throughout 2015 since I saw them in concert. Hozier also blew up that year and I was alllll over his first album; Athenna introduced me to Banks and I stanned her album as well. A band/singer you didn't like? Meghan Trainor probs. A song you liked? Even If You Asked Me - BP Valenzuela. I continue to stan that song h a r d even four years later. A song you didn't like? Idk anything Meghan Trainor or Ellie Goulding put out. A subject in school you liked? English but only because it was incredibly easy and Hamlet was a breeze. I hated the teacher and I knew she hated me too though. A subject in school you didn't like? I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about calculus. A food you liked? Chocolate chip cookie cups with milk shots were the trend back then and I remember going crazy over them. I’d still have 10 of those today if there were some in front of me. A food you didn't like? Fruits. Something you liked to do? Hahahaha. I liked passing by Gabie’s classroom. She knew she made a mistake dumping me, and while it was really evil of me, I really enjoyed passing by everyday cos I just knew she’d watch me the whole time. I asked her about this when we got back together and my hunch was right. Something you just didn't like to do? Working on calculus worksheets, so I never did attend to those. Still ended up at the top university, so that’s a nice ‘fuck you.’ A TV show you liked? Breaking Bad. A TV show you didn't like? Not so sure. Whatever was hyped back then. Maybe How I Met? A person you liked (as a friend)? Angela. A person you didn't exactly like? Marielle. The Things I Owned Did you own any electronic devices? If so, what? Sure. I had an iPhone 5 then and my old HP laptop. What about toys? I was 17. Overall, what did you have in your room? I think I still had my wrestling posters up during that time, and I also had a letter art thingy on the wall with the quote, “There isn't a person on this planet that should let a past nightmare dictate or cloud their future dreams,” said by CM Punk. I had darker curtains at the time so it was so much easier to be in an ~emo mood while I listened to dark indie songs hahaha. Were any posters plastered on your wall? Of who/what? ^ Refer to previous question. Do you remember what kind of backpack you had for school, if any? Yes, it was a black Nike backpack with yellow accents. Did you own a diary/journal? If my survey blog counts, then yes.

Can you name one thing you got for your birthday at that age? Yanna got me my favorite brand of wafers. I’ll never forget that present, it was so sweet. Did you own a bike/car? Or anything for transportation besides walking? My dad got me a car by the end of the year but I didn’t learn how to use it until the next year. I went to and from school via school service, which is our version of a school bus. What kind of clothes did you usually wear? Meh, my style had still been pretty basic at the time so nothing special. When you go to a private all-girls Catholic school that requires you to wear a uniform for 10 months in any given year, you never really have the time to explore styles that exist beyond your plaid skirt and your white socks. The Things That Were IN What band/singer was very popular, if you can remember? The Weeknd, Drake, Rihanna, Adele, Ed Sheeran. One Direction was pretty big but only because Zayn left that year. What was one song that was played on the radio a lot? Hahaha I had to look this up since I’m terrible with hit songs and the years they came out. The song that screamed to me the most to mention it is Fetty Wap’s Trap Queen. Shit BLEW up in 2015. I’m listening to it rn just for old time’s sake and it still seriously bops. What was something most people your age owned (or HAD to have)? iPhone 5. At the time, it was the perfect phone in the perfect size. Now I can’t stand seeing one cos I had mine for so long, even while everyone overtook me with iPhone 6′s and 7′s lmao. Was Facebook popular yet? Oh yeah. Very much. What book series was the most popular? I’m not so sure about that. Murakami got really popular in my circle at the time, but I’m not sure if that applies everywhere else. What TV series was the most popular? Probably Game of Thrones. What movie did a ton of people go to see? I had to look this up, but apparently there was an Avengers movie out this year. What kind of clothes were most people wearing? Off-shoulders started to spread in 2015, if I remember correctly. Did you tend to like what was popular, or not really? I was sort of in the middle. I listened to One Direction and Rihanna, but I also liked nonconventional stuff like punk rock and wrestling. It’s the same today. What I Think Now Overall, what was it like to be this age? It was definitely one of the better years. 17 was a defining year, and I lost a lot and gained a lot and learned a lot. I’d have no problem rewinding 2015 if I absolutely had to, even if it meant going through the ugly shit again. Looking back, do you miss being this age? I do. I was happier. Do you prefer being the age you are now? To some extent, yes. I don’t really like dwelling in the past. But I do acknowledge that I was happier when I was 17. Now to make you feel old: What year was it when you were this age? 2015. Pretty recent, sis. Would you relive this age all over again? Already said that I would. I’d want to learn as much as I did that year, all over again.

[the314anoman]

2018 sucked

it was probably the shittiest year of my life, and that’s not an easy title to claim. let’s recap:

it all started way back in early january, when our subway came under new ownership and we got a new manager, who had worked there for a shorter period than i had (yeah, i was part-time working during college, she was full-time, but w/e) and it all went downhill fast. our manager wasn’t bad, she just was just trying to deal with all the new regulations we were facing and the fact that we were Massively Understaffed™ for being located in a fucking mall. like, for contrast, our old managers let us get away with not turning the line coolers off at night if we were really busy, but under the new owners, we had to clean the legs of tables to get the salt of them. i decided to quit in march after having minors stay and help me close even though they were off the clock since they were required to punch out at 9:30 and still getting yelled at for staying too long and not making everything Perfect. it was so stressful trying to work both faster and harder, so i quit. then, college got out in april and i was looking for internships all over and applying everywhere, but i never got even so much as an interview request. so, june came and i just said “fuck it” and applied to other subways closer to home. ended up getting an interview the next day at a different subway, 2 miles from the old one. i got the job and starting working to find out the subway was also Massively Understaffed™ but the manager was more chill, so it seemed fine. turns out the reason the manager was chill is that he was high. like, all the time. this resulted in him having the memory of a goldfish. like, i specifically told him and his assistant manager that i couldn’t work one day and yet he still called asking where i was when i very plainly explained it twice. and he also scheduled a meeting on the day i request off for my niece’s baptism. at 8am. on a sunday. at the same time, i managed to get an interview at a local factory. it wasn’t really an internship nor in my field, but it was a job and it paid $12/hr so i was like, hell yeah, why not. i managed to get the job and started july 1st, which was great, buuuuuut... the job was super boring; it was pretty much doing the same repetitive tasks over and over again for 7.5 hours a day while ~~listening~~ being subjected to country music. BUT, we got 3 breaks a day and it was nice having a chill job. i came up with a lot of really good writing ideas for a novel that’s been a super long wip because my mind was mostly free during work since it was so repetitive. at this time, i’m still working at subway, mostly weekends and some 5-close shifts. i’m not getting a whole lot of sleep and so that probably explains what happens on july 25th, probably the single shittiest day of my life. i get into the factory and the normal manager is gone on vacation and one of my coworkers is taking over. she tells me that i’ve been missing the least important step in the process of making some parts that i’ve been doing for days now. so naturally, i mess it up a couple more times, but only when she’s watching, because ofc. this happens 3 times and the third time i kind of chuckle to myself because i’m literally only doing it when she’s watching. she takes this to mean i’m laughing at her and yells at me about how i think it’s a joke and blah blah blah, like that’s not what i meant at all but she won’t let me explain. THEN, i get out of work and i’m already on the verge of tears because i have a migraine from lack of sleep and i hate getting yelled at, and i see a text i got while at work (we’re not allowed phones on our person at all at the factory. national security stuff apparently) that my grandma is in the hospital and not going to make it. i just... lose it. i go home and just sit outside on a chair, cuddling my cat and gross sobbing for the first time i can recall. i’m supposed to work a 5-9 shift at subway tonight, but i am not in any state to work. i call them through tears saying i can’t work tonight, i’m visiting my grandma in the hospital in muskegon, an hour away. she’s unconscious when i get there. she dies an hour later, while me and my family are eating dinner downstairs in the basement where there’s no signal. eventually tomorrow comes. it’s now july 26th, which if you know me, is my birthday. my 21st birthday, in fact. you know how for most people, their 21st is the best day of your life? yeah, it was one of the worst for me. i still had to get up at 6am for the factory work, then run home, get changed, and work 5-9 at subway. the only bright spot were two helpful coworkers. one from the factory gave me a butterscotch shot, saying you should still try and enjoy your birthday and my subway coworker bought a hershey pie for me and gave me a hug and some helpful advice. (she had been through a similar experience with her mom passing, so she knew a lot about grief.) i took her advice on letting yourself be happy and decided to go to my friends’ meetup that weekend, which i had requested off from subway previously. it’s a while away, but this was planned a long time ago and i don’t get to see my college friends in the summer other than this, so i’m not missing this. but, when i’m almost there i get a call from subway insisting that i work this weekend to make up for missing my 4 hour shift yesterday. i’m furious because i missed it for legitimate reasons and i was already over 2 hours away and i was NOT driving back. (the reason they’re insisting is because they don’t want to pay my coworker overtime, despite the fact she’s living in a trailer park only off her subway income, too.) they say they might have to fire me and i’m like, sure, i have another job and i already put in my 2 weeks lol. so i go there and try to forget this whole week ever happened. the funeral is on monday, the factory gives me it off so i can attend. there’s lots of tears. lots and lots. my grandma touched a lot of people’s lives; she’s one of the kindest people i’ve ever known. she probably would have supported my sexuality if i ever told her, i regret not doing so earlier. i come back to my factory job on tuesday, and as if the universe is answering some unanswered “could things get any worse?” the hiring manager informs me i’m fired, as if it had to be july 31st, to add to the shithole that july 2018 was. this was a temp position to begin with, and i was leaving in a couple weeks anyway, but this is just another blow to an already grieving 21-year-old. i may have just lost both my jobs and my grandmother in the span of 7 days. i leave the factory and get in my car and just. scream. time passes. the pain of july slowly fades from a roaring inferno all over my body to a dull pulsing. good things start to happen again. i move into an apartment with 3 friends, get a job at the theatre after a lot of paperwork issues, i make the cut for an a capella group and find new friends, develop a crush on someone (something i haven’t really had since high school - but that’s a story for another time), and actually start getting my shit together. things are definitely looking up, despite the fact i had the worst month of life a couple months ago. ...and then comes december, as if it’s trying to challenge july to a battle for shittiest month ever. final exams are coming up, i spend a lot of the previous week leading up to exams rehearsing for performances (i had 4 performances in a week’s span), not much studying could be done. not that studying would help that much, as we would see, but w/e. i ended up forgetting my book with all the important formulas and relationships in it that are too complex to memorize, so i completely bombed that final, and therefore failed the whole class. i’m already having to take an extra semester, failing this class does NOT help. i barely stayed above a 3.0 gpa, a requirement for most internships. on the same day we got final grades back, my mom got a call saying my grandpa had died, only a week before christmas. my whole family went back up to do the whole funeral thing again. we are getting awfully familiar with this nursing home (my mom lost both her parents and an uncle in 5 months). finally, on new year’s eve i decide it’s either now or never to admit my feelings, so i ask my crush out. i get rejected, which is mostly what i expected, but it still knocks the wind out of me. so yeah, 2018 was super extra shitty for me. but at the same time, i feel like i’ve grown a lot as a person. i’ve made a bunch of new friends, gained a niece, learned a lot about pain, and done a lot of things i never thought i’d do. hell, i had the balls to ask a guy out, which was something that frightened me to my core. i went on a trip to dc and learned more about the injustices happening here, i went camping/hiking with friends, and went tubing behind a boat. so, i’m not gonna pretend it’s all bad.