#leanne is still ok :)))

[gossippool]

hi welcome back to leanne rewatches deadpool & wolverine and goes insane about every single detail in this movie. in this edition: how logan's clothes reflect the trajectory of his character

1. the suit—inside

so we start off with the scene in the bar where logan appears to be wearing what we're used to seeing him wear. flannels, leather jackets. his outfit and even the setting is not at all unfamiliar for him. but, as we later find out, he was wearing the suit underneath all those layers the whole time.

during his talk with laura, he reveals that he wears the suit to remember those he'd lost, and as a reminder of what he'd done. he's had the suit on permanently for god knows how long, hidden under his clothes. at this point he bears the suit like a cross, suffering in silence under the guise of normalcy, yet sacrificing what's left of his identity by reducing himself to what the suit represents; by taking all the jabs and nasty looks people throw at him that he thinks he's too deserving of to combat.

2. the suit—outside

after wade pulls him out, he has the suit on display for quite a while. on one hand, it shows the fight that's in him now as a contrast to his passivity in his own world. on the other hand, it's also a sort of vulnerability: what that suit stands for and by extension what he himself is is now laid bare to the world. out in the open for people to question. maybe that fight that's in him now stems precisely from this vulnerability.

this vulnerability is both good and bad for him: it causes him to lash out at the questions from wade that he's not ready to answer. it also leads him to open up to laura and finally speak about what happened—who knows if he's ever said any of it out loud before. fun! even with just the suit, we're already seeing some development.

and THIS is where it gets interesting.

3. the white shirt—his mind

the first time we truly see him without the suit is when cassandra nova looks into his mind. i've been going back and forth on whether this is logan's own manifestation of himself or if it's cassandra's, and i still don't know. i think the distinction does matter, but in the end what it conveys is the same.

firstly, another layer of vulnerability again. he's already on his knees for cassandra, submissive—now in his mind he's also stripped as bare as he can be (i think we all know white shirts can sometimes leave little to the imagination). cassandra looks at him and says "you're hiding ... from all the ones you let down." how interesting is that?? if we go all the way back to the first scene, he hides his suit under normal clothes. and he hides this version of him in his mind even further underneath all of that.

secondly and as an extension of that point, white symbolises purity. cleanliness. even a promise of new beginnings. let's tackle this from the two possible perspectives.

if this is logan's manifestation of himself, it would be so intriguing that this is how he appears. maybe it means that despite it all, there's some good in him. maybe it means that deep, deep down, past all the shame and the guilt and the grief, there's still a part of his mind where he can just be.

on the other hand, the white could also symbolise a second chance—like i said, a promise of new beginnings. i made a post about this scene here, but the basic point is that cassandra is offering him something that no one else may ever be able to offer him. a chance to fully be himself, to silence the voices. the white is such a stunning visual representation of what she is saying logan could be if he stays with her. which makes it even more poignant that he doesn't.

4. the time ripper

after this scene, he's in the suit again, necessarily. but then! BUT THEN!!!!! the time ripper!!! y'all need to understand the significance of this scene in all its nuances FR! here you can look at his abs again:

but the thing is we know by now what the suit represents. all his failures, all his guilt, his inability to let go of his past. it represents him. isn't it just so fitting that it's at this point where he saves the fucking world that the suit breaks away. it breaks away from him. he's free. this not the same as him just taking it off, because with it breaking into pieces he literally cannot wear it anymore. this is not just a hugh jackman body appreciation, this is logan finally moving on. this is him realising that he is not a failure, that he is not his failures, that he has something else to live for.

5. him

and oh my god, we finally make it to the extremely satisfying ending. after all of that, we finally come full circle. he's in his normal clothes again, the wife beater and the flannel, except this time without anything underneath. he's no longer defined by that one incident, defined by his mistakes and the people he let down. he is just him.

[fearandhatred]

guys hear me out i feel like some things are said or done either because of ignorance or bigotry, and i do think they are two different things and that to some extent ignorance can be excusable. but being unwilling to learn from your ignorance is in itself bigotry. in my opinion

[blaithnne]

hey man. hey. hey man. hey. hey. hey what the hell.

THIS??? IS??? FUCKING IMMACULATE??? HOW ARE YOU THIS TALENTED???? HOW CAN YOU JUST PULL UP AND DRAW ALL THREE OF MY BABIES AND MAKE THEM LOOK THIS DAMN GOOD???

the details are INSANE, like holy shit everyone looks amazing. I know nothing about this anime(?) but i am fucking floored by your talent and skill. I CANT STOP LOOKING AT THIS?? FERN LOOKS ADORABLE, LAUREN LOOKS BADASS AS HELL, AND LEANNE DOES TOO?? LIKE AAA AIM HONOURED TO SEE THEM LIKE THIS HOLY SHIT DUDE. and your grasp of ANATOMY especially in Lauren here god damn dude like holy fucking christ alive someone get me a glass of water i need to sit down. i need to lie down for a year. i am deceased. good day to you sir

I could ramble about this for hours dude holy shit this is just. this is. im. i dont have anymore words left to say except THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING THEM IN THIS AU AND INCREDIBLE PIECE??? I WILL FOREVER BE IN AWE. GOD. DAMN!

Jujutsu Hilda: Shibuya Arc

We have The amazing characters Lauren, Leanne, and Fern who belong to the one and only @blaithnne and do go follow them if you want more Hilda related content or if you just wanna see some cool art and style replication,

Staring as

Yuji Itadori/Ryomen Sukuna is Hope

Satoru Gojo is Kaisa

Megumi Fushiguro played by Leanne

Nobara Kugisaki played by Fern

Kenjaku/Geto is played by My Hilda

Aoi Todo played by Jasmine with a special guest, guess if you can.

Finally is LAUREN WHO PLAYS AS THE ONE AND ONLY DIVINE GENERAL MAHORAGA

Random things Lauren and Hope we’re originally gonna have a piece together but I instead ended up making this massive piece.

It took my 7 months to finish this image, it’s the biggest piece

[heavenslittlemachine]

tumblr user heavenslittlemachine what books rewired your brain chemistry? :0

ooh i rly like this one...long answer. more recently over the past ~2 years or so there's been a pretty foundational rewiring that was instigated more by personal experience & then catalyzed by book-reading -- i had a bunch of chronic health problems that got way better after i started getting regular acupuncture treatments, so my initial impulse was to ofc figure out how & why it worked. reading a bunch of contemporary acu books reorganized some stuff but couldn't rly touch on the deeper theoretical level. so then digging in to medical classics like the huangdi neijing, that one was & still is hitting pretty regularly. i like the kinds of books where u can keep reading them over and over & new layers of meaning keep developing, different angles become illuminated etc. reading medical classics was doing a lot for me but i wasn't rly grasping the broader context Or the deeper levels -- reading the daodejing & then the zhuangzi was and still is a wide blast for those. there's always more 2 understand with those guys. later alchemical stuff did a number on me, the zhouyi cantong qi in particular is a mindfuck but also to rly grasp that one u have to dig in to the yijing (i ching). there are some layers of cosmology there....

then ofc there's the bible which is a similar sort of experience. i was changed fundamentally by that whole deal against my will when i was little but coming back to it on my own terms with my own extractive technologies has been a really beautiful experience. related to that one but in the fictional world is go tell it on the mountain by james baldwin.

reading fanon's wretched of the earth and then nkrumah's neocolonialism then consciencism in that order was like a landslide moment in my understanding of colonialism/imperialism/capitalism fundamentally while also rounding out in both a material and existential way this idea of What Is To Be Done. also in the fictional world one that feels related to these is leslie marmon silko's almanac of the dead. the concept of the christian god dying during the colonization of the americas. the thing about "days, months, years, eons are alive, they walk around the universe and then come back." the phrase "death-eye dog epoch."

noopiming by leanne betasamosake simpson was not necessarily like "revolutionary" in the same way as some other books here but it gave me an incredibly important grip on things during the early pandemic when everything was feeling spiraling deeply out of control. i was like everything will b fine if i just live like akiwenzii. wake up when the sun comes up and go to bed when the sun goes down. ok!

also when i was little i read this book i forget the name, it was about these people who could see little fairy or implike creatures who were invisible to most & they would swarm people who were about to die / eat from them as they were dying. so the assumption was that they caused accidents etc. and the main characters hunted and captured these creatures. but eventually u find out (spoiler!) that the imps are actually benevolent and can just sense when ppl are gonna die, they do feed on wounds but it doesn't hurt ppl and has some kind of analgesic effect. and then it turns out that their boss knew this and had been harvesting them to power some kind of device for nefarious purposes. that one was important too i think. the picture of dorian grey when i was still nebulously bisexual in high school. the twilight series when i was still a jehovahs witness. everything has its place and time...

[saleintothe90s]

494. Seventeen Magazine, March 1997 - part 2

(Part 1)

Woah, this was the best LeAnn looked when she was a teenager. The staff did an amazing job on her. I feel like she kinda adopted this look after this shoot, right?

Maybe with the exception with the black and white dress on the right, JCPenney really dropped the ball. None of the prom looks in the actual issue matches the prom looks we see int the ads.

There's that green again! This time on Jordana Brewster.

Moisturizer and translucent powder seems like a patchy mess? y/n?

OH HERE WE GO BBY OLD NAIL POLISH FROM THE BEST ERA OF NAIL POLISH: THE MID 90s.

There's a great TikTok/instagram account called Vintage Dusties that showcases the most amazing 90s polish. I wonder what ever happened to Ripe brand polish? I saw it a few times in Seventeen, but I can't find a bottle on eBay or a mention online anywhere.

Pastel was an icon, it was a legend, it was the moment.

(eBay user SOLDBYMP)

These potpourris from the Gap look redic. You know they lost their scent almost immediately. I found one on eBay.

Man, back when Urban decay was grunge. Miss those days.

Ok, why couldn't Billy go to the prom with Michelle? Was he over 18?

I remember reading this as a thirteen year old, and thinking "yeah, nobody's mom is gonna allow that." I remember the doggy too!

It took me a few seconds to understand the cutting the straps off of life jackets and making belts out of them. Let's hope that L.W. is using top coat to seal those letters. Thea R. discovered prison makeup!

Here's the ketchup mustard and lettuce dresses we saw in last year's issue, but longer this time.

Baby Spice Girls!

Baby King of the Hill! The show had only been on at a couple of months at this point.

We were all still living in 1997, but Chaweon was living in 1999 with that amazing makeup.

This was part of the School Zone section they ran every month. Everybody always messed up their $50 JanSport with patches.

This looks almost like the dress Jordana was holding up a few pages earlier.

As someone who wears tights several days a week, I would invest in those $34 ones.

I remember the Chris O'Donnell story! Just because I didn't know what crew was back then. I thought a "crew meet" was Chris and his teammates setting up a stage set in record time. I was a very uncultured child. (part 3)

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[banorawhite]

Right back at you lol—top 6 fav books?

NOOOOOO DON'T ASK THE LIBRARIAN THISSSSS *stares blankly at my shelves* i love you all......

ok to answer this, i've had to narrow down my options to only young adult fiction. if i included all the middle grade, adult, graphic novels, comics, manga and poetry i have read, i would truly not know how to start (and this still felt impossible)

with that let's begin!

six of crows duology by leigh bardugo - this will always be my #1. my ultimate comfort read. these fantastic characters pulled me rough a really rough time in my life, where constantly reread these books to keep me grounded. inej ghafa the character you are. i love my crime found family

the other side of perfect by mariko turk - this book fully revitalised a love of reading for me after uni. i sat down one day and basically finished it in one sitting, just could not put it down

legendborn series by tracey deonn - worldbuilding! character development! the magic!!! all TOP NOTCH. so incredibly excited for book three, i might have to reread the first two to prepare

the lesbiana's guide to catholic school + the luis ortega surival club by sonora reyes - holyyyy shit. um basically after tlgtcs, which became my favourite read that year, i decided i would read whatever sonora reyes ever wrote. both books are FANTASTIC, cannot recommend them enough.

the gilded wolves trilogy by roshani chokshi - divine. i love fantasy heist novels and these were phenomenal. the ending absolutely got to me

cannot separate last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo or i feed her to the beast (and the beast is me) by jamison shea. both books changed me and made me stare into the distance when i finished.

some honorable mentions because i love so many books (beneath the cut this gets long)

A Clash of Steel by C.B. Lee

Cemetery Boys and The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas

Confessions of an Alleged Good Girl by Joya Goffney

Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram

Euphoria Kids by Alison Evans

Girl, Serpent, Thorn by Melissa Bashardoust

Gwen and Art are Not in Love by Lex Croucher

Off the Record by Camryn Garrett

I'll Be the One by Lyla Lee

Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera

The History of Mischief by Rebecca Higgie

The Killing Code by Ellie Marney

Two Can Play That Game by Leanne Yong (bonus: my coworkers had to listen to me complain on friday that this book didn't get any awards for children's book week!!! I WAS MAD)

there are more but i'll leave it here <3

[viktoriakomova]

What's wrong with the ballet footage? Gen question, I don't know much about ballet

ok i will separate this into 2 parts, glaring fundamental flaws and pedantic nitpicky shit (which, to be fair, should only be corrected once the former are dealt with. but it looks like neither are happening any time soon so...)

Part 1: The Egregious

Zero turnout happening. Usually i'd point to the hips and talk about if the rotation is coming from the hips (good) or the knees and/or feet (bad very bad and kinda dangerous esp in gymnastics). but they arent even doing that.

The arms. The elbows should be slightly bent to create a "curved" look. The arms should be held up and in front of you with your hands around the height of your belly button, supported from your upper back muscles. The girl in the back (nola???) actually has hers pretty good (ignoring the hands, see below) but i would say she should have them a little lower and it looks like her delts are doing the work to keep her arm lifted instead of her back muscles.

Alignment. its difficult to tell from this one screenshot (i refuse to put in the effort to watch these frames 100x to get a great one im sorry) both because the legs are straightening (after what is ostensibly a plié lol) and bc of the camera angle, but you should be able to draw a straight vertical line from the ball of the foot to the hips to the shoulders. again the girl in the back looks a lot better than jade or kayla here.

More issues with turnout here that are more evident (bc theyre making an actual attempt to turn out here) they're starting to turn in passé here, i wont bother trying to articulate what the legs are supposed to look like bc miss betty okino here is doing it correctly xoxo.

i'll start with leanne. her supporting leg is actually quite nice and she's very high up on relevé, her ankle is straight/extended and right on top of the ball of her foot with her knee straight and quads engaged. however the leg she's bringing up to passé (pretty late, since shes turning, i should add) is basically totally turned in. the muscles in the hip that rotate the leg outward are doing nothing. the leg should be turned out from the hip the whole time you're bringing the foot up to the front of the knee.

now onto kayla. i circled the reflection because you can see the leg positions better, the video crops it out. she has the same issue with the hip turnout of the free leg, but her supporting leg is also turned in. look at the knee in the reflection. it's basically not turning out at all, but her supporting foot is like 45º turned out. considering that they're turning in this screenshot, thats bad news. turning out from the foot (ie rotating outward at the ankle) instead of the hip puts a lot of torque on your knee. its obviously not nearly as severe as the stress that twisting into the ground on a tumbling pass would put on it, just bc of the force being applied there, but its still not harmless.

Part 2: The Nitpicky

The hands...... how are the fingers (jade's and kayla's) the body part doing the most work here 💀 broken wrists (but like. tense and intentional, inexplicably???), palms facing the floor. hyperextended fingers. thumbs rotated away/out from the palms. the wrist should be straight but not rigid, it should complete the "curve" mentioned above when i talked about the elbows. the thumbs should be in, but again not taut, just relaxed by the rest of your fingers. its hard to explain verbally how the fingers should be, but they shouldnt be taut and/or stuck together either (aka pancake hands or karate chop hands lol). the girl in the back, her hand would be decent if she put her thumb in and rotated her wrist 90º counter-clockwise

Forward head carriage. That's my only gripe about Girl In The Back's posture, and even that isnt really Bad, otherwise it's great. Kayla's would be fine too but her shoulders themselves are a little too forward. Jade's is.... not great, it looks like she carries a lot of tension in her neck. i typed this whole post hunched over in my bed tho so.... do as i say not as i do ;)

i didnt bother editing the picture to circle it lol but kayla's foot is sickled in the pic with okino

also the first pic is hard to look at alignment/posture bc none of them are on the same count kfjdkjfkdjfk so musicality is a big fat L there

[standard-human]

Do you agree that Puffs is an allegory for being neurodivergent???

Because the narrators monologue at the end really gave me that impression.

oh 100%! especially since the other houses have to do with mental strengths- bravery, intelligence, and... ok, snake is mostly just a joke house, but still. being a puff is definitely a metaphor for being neurodivergent, its really obvious when you look at the puffs themselves

-wayne. classic nerd autism. hes read the silmarilion (i think thats how you spell it) twice, come on

-oliver. "good at math" autism. or could be gifted kid put into a new environment and buckling under stress of not immediately being good

-megan. the anxiety of trying to be good enough for someone she barely knew definitely gave her some problems. also she struggles with reading, so dyslexia headcanon!

-leanne. not sure about a diagnosis, but. its leanne

-hannah. mimics ernie macs introduction in hopes of getting the same welcoming reaction but doesnt work so she closes in on herself? thats rejection sensitive dysphoria, babey!!! i know it well

i dont have anything to say about ernie mac and j finch (other than that i ship them, but thats not relevant lol)

sorry, very rambly, but to be short- yeah. its a neurodivergent metaphor

[iamaslutforcoffee]

Power Chapter 1: Emberson Leanne Howard

(Rue's narration will be stated in bold italics unless otherwise stated)

The Howard sisters were something different. First there was Cassie. Cassie was your typical California aesthetic kind of girl. She was cute, big chested and blonde. Gus, their father, tended to favor Cassie over the other two and even went so far as to put her in ice skating lessons but that was neither here nor there.

Next there was the twins, Lexi and Emberson, They weren't identical but fraternal twins.. Lexi was the more out spoken of the two, and was alittle more popular than Ember. She had a more lean body, with beautiful brown hair and matching eyes. We were best friends since we were kids.

Ember was the quiet one of the three, definitely not one to really want to have attention on herself and preferring to find peace within her own company. Despite that, most of the friend group they all hung out with and even most of the highschool thought that she was the most beautiful of the three sisters, and also the most kind. But Ember had a terrible temper and other mental issues which caused her to be continously in therapy. It all started when their father, Gus, got into a terrible accident with Ember in the car. The trauma from the accident and also the PTSD from her dad going down my favorite rabbit hole of drugs and drinking severely molded her into the outstanding citizen she was today.

Ember sat in the resting chair quietly, chewing on her already non existent nails. She made a mental note to ask Cassie if she wanted to go get their nails done together, if she was even in the mood for it.

"So, Emberson.." the therapist started, but before she could continue Ember interrupted her.

"It's Ember, ma'am." She quickly muttered, her leg bouncing slightly from the anxiety.

"My apologies. Ember, how are you since our last discussion?"

Ember shrugged, and sighed. Running her hand throughout her hair she finally looked back at Miss Callson.

"I'm ok, I guess. Seeing my sisters best friend get wheeled to a ambulance because she overdosed really wasn't on my list of things i planned on seeing this summer"

But she wasn't ok at all. It was triggering her PTSD with her dad . She could still remember when he had to move out due to his drug use and one night he came back to the Howard home to steal shit to pawn. Lexi and Ember didn't want him there, Cassie let him back in. Unfortunately for her seeing me being wheeled into a ambulance really upset her and a small part of me did feel bad. All she was trying to do was come over and braid my hair up for me, or bringing back some clothes she borrowed. I couldn't remember.

Miss Callson continued on questioning Ember, and Ember continued on answering as simply as she could, there was no use fighting it at that point. If they thought she needed a mandatory grippy sock vacation, she'd gladly take one.

Afterwards, Ember left and a new prescription in place of one of her meds she usually took in tow. She drove to a nearby corner store, parking and getting out while smoothing down her leggings and favorite t shirt.

As she walked up to the door, Ember was startled by Fezco.

Now everybody knew about or has heard about Fezco O'neill, his grandmother was a complete drug dealing badness of a woman and he followed in her footsteps when she fell sick. Despite that, he was actually pretty fuckin' smart and did well during school until it was time to take care of his sick grandma and his brother Ashtray. Everyone also knew of his crush on Ember, him never being the one to want to get his heart broke he never said anything.

"Hey, ma'." Fezco spoke from his usual spot by the door. "What's in the bag?"

"Fuck! Fez I thought I told you about that scaring me shit!?" Ember hollard, crutching her chest.

"Shit, 'm sorry. You good?" He asked, getting up from his spot to try and comfort her.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. And it's my uh.. it's my medicine. The kind that I actually got prescribed and not from a cooler in a bodega, babe. It's perfectly legal" she spoke, winking at him and his face turning a lovely shade of red amongst the freckles.

Then a walking zombie came waltzing back into their lives. Now I may be fresh out of rehab, but that doesn't mean I planned on staying sober.

"Rue, hey!" Ember noticed the familar crown of long curly hair and the small figure of one of her good friends, Rue.

"Hey Ember. Fez. " Rue replied, a small but genuine smile on her face.

Now when Ember said Hello, she was usually pretty genuine about it. Atleast with me. Now while Lexi was my "best friend since childhood", her twin Ember was definitely the less judgemental of the two and was definitely a more ride or die type of friend.

"How long you been back, Rue?" Fez asked, turning his attention briefly to Rue. Fezco was her friend, too. But had the displeasure of being her dealer at the same time. He couldn't help but feel guilty when she overdosed but Ember had to reassure him it wasn't his product that did it.

"Five days" Rue meekly responded.

"And how you been feelin'?" He asked, lighting his blunt and inhaling briefly, offering it to Ember. She politely declined.

"No thank you, Fezzy" she smiled at him.

"Well, ever since I gave my life over to my lord and savior, Jesus Christ, things have been like.. really good." Rue replied.

Ember shook her head chuckling.

"Word? That's what's up." Fez replied, continuing to smoke.

"You're full of shit, Rue. There's no way you're a born again christian" Ember giggled as she spoke, Rue smiling at her.

"Yeah.. yeah I'm fucking with You, Fez. It was a joke." Rue replied.

Rue asked where Ashtray was and headed inside, scoring her first hit since she was back.

"You know.. I worry about her more than I absolutely should" Ember spoke quietly, squatting down next to Fezco.

"Here, take the chair Em. An' i know, but you can't be out here worrin' about her all the time. It's not your job to worry. " Fezco spoke and offered her his chair. She smiled, taking it and knodding.

"Yeah, I know. But I still do."

~~~

Ooooooooof.

I'm excited 🥰🥰

[purefandomonium]

Connection Part 15-To Dream

“Hey, I forgot, but a while ago you asked me what dreaming was like.” She stopped working on her book report to glance at the GameBoy sitting beside her on the desk. After more pestering from her mother, she’d finally gotten around to cleaning up her room. She had to admit it was nice to be able to find stuff again.

RED: I did.

“Did you still want to know?” If he wanted her to talk about the history of cabbage, she would. Anything that got her out of writing a report on ‘The Great Gatsby’ was welcome.

RED: …Yeah.

Leann hummed. “I guess a good way to start is for you to tell me what you know and then we can go from there.”

Red had to do some thinking to piece together what little knowledge he had on the subject. Aside from knowing they occurred when people fell asleep, he didn’t have much info. 

He relayed as such.

“Well, ok,” Leann started, tapping a finger on the desk. “So, dreams can be a lot of things. They can be good, bad, scary… For the most part, people don’t usually remember though. Unless they’re really vivid, of course...” Dreaming was a difficult concept to grasp for those who experienced it—how was she supposed to explain it to someone who didn’t?

The rest of her fingers joined in the absent-minded tapping.

RED: People tend to fall asleep only when they’re tired, yeah?

“Yeah, it’s how we recharge. And dreams are just like… Well, they just sort of happen. They’re so wildly different and modern science doesn’t even have it figured out. Let me try this: Say someone is really stressed about their job. They might have a dream about something frustrating at work. It might make zero sense, but it still involves your coworkers and stuff. Or maybe they’re excited for something. Then all they can dream about is the thing? I’m… not qualified to describe this.” She glanced at the window as her tapping became something akin to a rhythm.

RED: You’re good. I think I get it.

“Do you?” So far all she’d done was confuse herself. And she wasn’t even the one who asked!

RED: It makes sense. So dreams are basically extensions of people’s emotions and memories?

How interesting. Red was fascinated at that, though he couldn’t quite pin down why.

Leann blinked. That was… easy. “Yeah, that’s kind of it. They aren’t always that cut and dry though. Sometimes they’re really just random nonsense with no meaning. But that’s the gist of it anyway.” So much for having a distraction from her report.

RED: Do you have bad dreams about the bullying?

Red heard the sudden silence like a gunshot, if that was even possible. He didn’t like to stick his neck out like this, but he wanted to know. Leann always downplayed it like it was nothing, but he just knew it bothered her more than she let on. He simply had to hear it from her.

“Like I said,” she began, moving to pick up the book and reread the chapter she was referencing, “sometimes they really are just random nonsense.”

RED: Having nightmares about your tormentors isn’t “random nonsense” and you know it.

RED: I can tell when you’re lying.

“Red, it’s not a big deal even if I was. Which I’m not.”

RED: You always say that about the bullying. That it’s not a big deal.

RED: Do you really think so little of yourself?

Why continue to let them get away with it? If she was unable to do something, why not have someone else settle it? Leann wasn’t like him. She wasn’t just some meaningless puppet that wasn’t supposed to think. She had every bit of freedom he could ever hope for and acted like she was nothing special.

Leann stared at the device, emotions boiling. Once again, he was reading her better than she could read the literal open book before her. She considered him a friend, someone she could trust, and yet…

“Do you ever have dreams, Red? You ever relive the glitches? Do you wanna talk about it?” The words were out before she could stop them.

He knew by the faint warble in her voice that she was upset. He could practically see the way it faltered, wanting to backpedal but unable to overcome the force of the distress that had propelled it forward. The way her breathing shuddered told him she regretted it immensely.

How he wished she could hear his voice if only to know how sympathetic he was.

RED: It’s going to take more than that to upset me.

RED: I’m sorry, Leann. I shouldn’t have pried.

Text boxes did a poor job of conveying true meaning. The answer was obvious anyway.

RED: Do you… ever have dreams about getting back at them?

Leann considered that. As much as she said she’d like to, she’d never actually dreamed about revenge. Maybe it was because she never really thought about what she could do to even things out. There just didn’t seem to be anything worth doing. She had other stuff to worry about and wasting time on a bunch of idiots didn’t feel worthwhile.

She sighed. “I don’t. Not that I can remember.” She gave a small hum at the ‘ok’ that appeared. “I’m sorry for what I said. That was just cold.”

RED: I know you didn’t mean it.

“That doesn’t make it okay. I’m sorry.”

RED: ………

RED: I’ve never had dreams before. I mean, I’ve imagined what the real world is like, but I’ve never dreamed it.

RED: Even when the game’s been off for a while, I don’t dream. It’s like I just don’t… exist.

RED: I don’t think I’d dream of anything interesting even if I could. I’ve never really seen anything other than this stupid game.

“Do you want to go outside?”

RED: …What?

“Outside. I can take the GameBoy in the backyard. Or I can carry you to a nearby park. It’s getting late so there shouldn’t be too many people left there. I know you can’t really… do anything other than hear the sounds, but it might be nice.” The room felt heavy, as though the air was weighing her down. If she didn’t get out now, she feared she might start crying.

She wasn’t particularly sad, there were just a lot of… emotions… right now.

RED: Sure. I’d like that.

Part 14: here

Part 16: here

[obigem]

The second Cam's bottom hit the bed, he let out the deepest and loudest sigh. For the first time since coming here, he finally felt like he could relax, and after the day he'd had, he needed to. But before he could really let go, Cordelia grabbed onto his arm, burrowing into him.

"Hey, Princess, what's up?" He nudged her.

She didn't say anything at first, but when words finally found her, she said, "Daddy, I was…scared I wouldn't see you again."

"Baby girl—"

"Ms. Leanne said that Uncie Val can be ruthless toward people he doesn't know."

"Uncie Val didn't know at first what a great daddy you are. That you're really nice and fun and kind toward everyone. And Ms. Leanne wouldn't let me see him so I could tell him. So then I got scared, and even tho Alphie told me not to worry, I was still so scared."

"I just, didn't want my last memory with you to be you being mad at me and then me never seeing you again."

"Baby girl," Cam sighed. "I'm sorry. Daddy never wanted you in a position like this. It's why I wanted to go on this trip alone. To keep your mother, you, everyone safe."

"But no matter what happens, whatever you might do or say, know that my thoughts and feelings toward you are always going to be incredible love and pride. Always."

"I love you too, Daddy." Cordie smiled.

"Now, how bout we call Mama before she has kittens over you missing?"

"Oh, we don't need to do that."

"Of course we do. Your mother's probably worried sick!"

"She's not! When Ms. Leanne found us, she let Alphie have one call, so she called Mama. It was so cool. She sounded just like you and told Mama you changed your mind and let me come!"

"Hmm, it looks like Alphie's machine learning is really taking flight, but I guess in this case it really saved the day."

"Mmmhmm, Alphie promised she'd take care of me just like you said."

"I see." Cam smiled, and then Cordelia hugged him tight.

"Daddy, I love you, but—"

"That hat is super uncool. Ms. Leanne kept making fun of it the whole time she had Alphie and me locked away in that room, and I'm sorry, I couldn't say anything to defend it. It's really bad."

"OK, already, I'll burn the hat! You're all the worst." Cam laughed.

[forensicated]

A Stiffy (*snigger*) recap for the sextet of Conviction episodes. Sadly no longer Smiffina related as Rachel (boo!) is Inspector for now but still useful for fic background further down the line as they really are quite Callum/Smithy heavy and it feeds a lot of their story.

Conviction aired between the 1st to the 16th July 2009. Gina left October 2nd 2008 so we are 9 months on from An Honour To Serve Part 2. A quick scan back through the wiki episode guides tells us that in the last few months, Smithy mentored Mel a little bit during her first NYE attached to the MET that had her brother down from 'Oop North' to get caught up in a crime, Smithy and Leanne Samuels (Witness 1-8 and others before that) got back in touch during a case that involved a single mother and her sister who happened to attend a community hub that Leanne runs. He learnt Brooke is thriving and that Leanne had met someone and was getting married. Callum got close to another victim of domestic abuse who trusted him enough to tell him about criminal matters her husband was involved with (A cash in transit job). The case was further complicated when Max trampled over it. During Nate's Extra Special School Season, Smithy was stabbed by a school boy during an arrest and his lung collapsed but luckily all was OK in the end. Diane returned for one night before she transferred to another station as a Sgt. She and Smithy ended up undercover in a club with uniform to catch the dealer of mis-identified drugs and Arun, Beth, and Sam all left.

Conviction - Part 1 - Cover Up (1/6)

Ben and Sally find a burglar still on the premises, unfortunately he runs into the allotments behind the houses and Sally loses him. Callum and Roger arrive to give support.

Smithy is called to a disturbance outside the E1 club/pub. He breaks up a fight and threatens a bloke peeing in public with arrest, only to find an assault victim next to him. He asks the rather unhelpful group watching who heard or saw anything - noone helps out!

Sally speaks to their informant, she's in her 70's and can't see very well so can't give a description other than 'male'. The owner returns rather worse the wear and doesn't seem too surprised to see the police. He claims nothing appears to be missing other than an expensive watch. Callum points out the man has a rip in his trousers and some cuts and bruises on his hand. He asks if it was a good night, and the man says he fell over after one too many. Callum just nods and tells him CID will be in touch with a crime reference number in the morning when asked about making an insurance claim.

The assault victim, Andrew Brennan, has 100 pounds and his own bank cards. It doesn't seem like a mugging. Stevie tactfully explains what happened to the mans wife when she calls. Evie rushes to the hospital and explains that her husband told her he was going to speak to someone 'about work' - he's an odd job man/painter decorator. She doesn't know who he met or who might want to hurt him. Roger finds an expensive watch engraved with OR - Oliver Robinson - the owner of the burgled home that Callum was dealing with - at the scene. Brennan could be the burglar.

In the morning, Callum and Ben head to the Brewery where Robinson works to ask if he knows Brennan. Robinson asks if he's the person who took it and Callum explains the man is still unconscious. Robinson claims not to recognise him and says he's had no work done on the house recently. He seems evasive and excuses himself for a meeting, telling them he doesn't want to take it further as he's gotten the watch back - even if the police are holding into it for the time being as evidence. Ben and Callum are in agreement - he's lying. He definitely recognised Brennan from the picture.

Smithy and Stevie return to the E1 bar where Brennan had been drinking the night before. Pete, the head barman gets them a copy of the CCTV whilst Smithy asks a woman at a table if she'd been in the night before. She says she doesn't work there and is just waiting for her boyfriend. As they leave, Jason Devlin, the manager appears and introduces himself and says he recognises Brennan and that he was with another man who was wearing a suit and they appeared to be having a 'heavy discussion'. Watching the CCTV back, Roger recognises Oliver Robinson as the man meeting Brennan.

Callum wonders if the watch was even stolen in the first place, it's possible that the 'heated discussion' turned violent outside and that the watch fell off in the fight. He wonders if Robinson faked the burglary given that - despite his inebriated condition - one of his first questions was about insurance. Noone has come forward to admit to seeing Brennan in the alley, however one witness did describe a man in a suit getting into the back of a gold coloured car at approx 9.20pm. There's no CCTV on the required street so Rachel tasks Sally and Roger with trawling through the CCTV of the surrounding area.

Rachel tasks Smithy and Stevie with returning to the hospital to speak to Brennan's wife to see if she knows if he'd worked on Robinson's house or to at least give them access to his paperwork for them to check. Things get a whole lot murkier when Evie tells them that Robinson is Andy's real surname. Brennan is his mum's maiden name that he took after he was released from a young offenders institute because he was finding it hard to get work. Stevie asks if Oliver Robinson could be a family member and his wife shakes her head. "I doubt it. His family are dead."

Smithy looks him up and finds that Brennan has convictions dated in the 1980's for drugs, theft and arson. Oliver Robinson is listed as his brother. Difficult to explain why he lied to Callum about not knowing or recognising the picture of his brother! He tells Callum that he didn't want to get him in trouble for taking his watch. Callum tells him that it's bigger than the supposed theft of his watch and that they're suspicious he infact attacked Brennan himself. Robinson insists he didn't and says that Brennan has gotten himself caught up in something that he wants nothing to do with. He's apparently hassling Robinson for money but won't tell him what it's for.

Brennan insists he doesn't know who hurt him, he was out for a few drinks after work, left the bar approximately 10 past 9 and was attacked and left laying down so didn't see who did it. Smithy asks if he left the bar with his brother. Evie is confused and asks if it's a joke and Stevie clarifies that it's the man who they spoke about earlier. She is horrified Brennan never told her about him, even if he hadn't seen him in years. She refuses to leave the room and wants to know what's going on. Smithy tells them that Robinson is being questioned and that he's told them Brennan wanted to borrow money. Brennan insists that it's money owed to him and that his brother owes him and gave him the watch. "You think it's my brother who beat me up?"

Robinson tells Callum he hadn't seen his brother since the late 80's and they were never close but he gave him 'some money' because he's his brother. Callum says that doesn't make sense. Robinson says he only met him the night before to tell him he'd give him no more before they went their separate ways. He says he left E1 before his brother and stopped for a kebab before he walked home. Callum asks what Brennan did. "Obviously he went round to my house and stole the watch, didn't he!?" "I don't know. I'm asking you."

Brennan tells Evie he's always been straight with her but doesn't say why his brother owes him several thousands of pounds. Evie storms out, followed by Stevie. Evie tells Stevie that her husband is a good man, there'll be a reason why he's lied and that they're trying for a baby but the 'trying' is proving difficult as nothing seems to be happening and they've just finished a second round of IVF.

Rachel asks Callum if it's feasible for Brennan to have gotten to his brothers and back in the time suggested. It's possible but doesn't make sense as he lives the other side of Canley so why return to the club? Robinson's kebab stop is confirmed by the CCTV from the shop and there's no way he could have returned in time to assault Brennan. Rachel suggests that if his brother didn't assault him then he definitely knows something given the fact he's lied so consistently. FIU look into Brennan's accounts and find he's paid a private fertility clinic for tests. Stevie and Smithy return to the hospital to talk to him about it but he's done an illadvised runner after getting dressed.

Evie is as confused as the officers for why her husband has left and tells them she has his keys so he can't have gone home. They ask if she has any idea where he might have gone, especially as he still thinks his brother was the one who attacked him and that he's in the frame for stealing the watch. Smithy and Stevie arrive to double check on Robinson and they find Brennan collapsing at the brewery.

Sally spots a gold Volvo on CCTV and they go to speak to the owner. He's cagey as he has been mini-cabbing without a licence but Callum just says they'll 'assume for now he's in the process of getting one'. He admits being in the area and that he picked up a man in a suit the night before. His voice sounded familiar to the driver who thinks he's spoken to him previously but can't say where or how. Callum suggests to Ben that he's a 'regular' of the drivers which could potentially lead to him being a member of staff. They take him in and run him through an ID parade of staff members from the CCTV and he identifies the owner, Devlin.

Rachel suggests that they concentrate their efforts on Devlin as the man who attacked Brennan. She shows them CCTV of Brennan and Devlin talking over the bar which seemed innocent. She suggests they have history but Devlin said he'd never met Brennan before in his life - though he would if he'd gone on to attack him. Smithy and Callum can't agree who should go speak to Devlin so Rachel says they can both go and sends Ben with them to 'keep them in line'.

At the E1 the Sgt's meet Matthew Devlin, Jason's father who asks if it's something serious. Devlin appears down the stairs with his girlfriend. He insists he was at the club all night doing the books in the back - as he'd said earlier - and that he didn't leave at 9.20pm. His father says he can vouch for him and Devlin adds that the barman, Pete and his girlfriend can too. Devlin Senior suggests they have the wrong man. "Who did you say the cab driver was?" Devlin asks. "... I didn't." Callum replies. The suit he wore is at the dry cleaners and his girlfriend covers that she spilt a drink over him approx 9pm in the smoking area - an area covered by CCTV. Callum asks for a copy and they spot Brennan talking to Devlin's girlfriend but no Devlin until they hug and the girl kisses Brennan's cheek - and Devlin appears from a doorway at 8.40pm.

Stevie tells them that she has done some digging on the earlier convictions of Brennan. Two separate witnesses spotted two boys at the scene of the arson. The officers investigating thought that it might be Oliver but their parents gave him an alibi. Oliver was older so perhaps the parents thought he'd get a rougher deal being 18 with two drug possession charges so Andrew took the rap alone and that perhaps that is why Oliver has been giving his brother money. Callum wants to nail Oliver on top of the assault but faking the burglary would only get a caution. All three say they should speak to Brennan and offer to listen should he want to clear the air.

Brennan says that he talked to the girl, Abbie, for the first time that night and that she was really nice and sweet and that the hug and kiss on the cheek meant nothing and that 'even the tall guy behind the bar was joking about it.' He says that he warned him off and to keep his hands to himself and that Brennan laughed and said she was out of his league. Stevie asks why she hugged him. Brennan explains he'd told Abbie he was about to be a dad - she asks if that was because his brother was going to pay for him to get private treatment. "You know about that?" he asks and Stevie nods and says she reckons she knows why. Brennan clams up and tells Stevie she doesn't know what she's talking about and that he served the time and will stick to his original statement if she starts digging.

Smithy suggests that Devlin is really dangerous if he can kick a man half to death for a friendly hug and kiss on the cheek. The level of violence he used is far too much for a first offence and so Devlin should be someone they know about. Rachel gives permission to bring him in for an interview.

Devlin claims he doesn't remember the conversation with Brennan and that Abbie is a very pretty girl so he's used to people hitting on her but he trusts her implicitly so has no worries. He claims the angry expression on his face is 'his thinking face' and laughs off any inference that he was the one who attacked Brennan. He claims he doesn't know which dry cleaners his suit is at because Abbie deals with it all and she has lost the ticket and mocks them for having only the word of an illegal cabby for evidence. The Sgt's are aware Abbie won't inform on her boyfriend and Smithy suggests getting forensics to go over the taxi and see if they can get some DNA. Unfortunately before they can get to the car, Sally is called to an arson attack on the cab drivers car and everyone claims they saw nothing. "If someone's trying to intimidate you-" Callum starts saying to the driver who responds. "It's worked." and he withdraws his statement. Callum tells him that with his help Devlin will go down for a long time. "Where is he now?" he asks with Callum telling him he's at the station. "Exactly..." he says, gesturing to his burning car. Callum threatens to nick him for illegal minicabbing and he tells him to arrest him and that he'd rather be sent down than have his family at risk.

Abbie can't help with the dry cleaners name and so Smithy and Callum turn to go with a warning they're going to search Devlin's house for 'the ticket' but there might be a clean up job required after. Abbie suggests there is a place on Gasson Street that they might have used. Pete is clearly listening in and then asks the men if he has been charged when Abbie goes to answer a call. He tells them that Devlin has a temper but is very wary of the CCTV camera watching them and insists he can't help them any further.

Smithy hits a dead end with the Gasson St Dry Cleaners and is not happy to have to bail Devlin because of the lack of evidence. Callum is pissed off at having to give Robinson his watch back whilst he only gets a slap on the wrist for faking a burglary. Neither are very happy boys!

Stevie and Callum tell Robinson they know exactly what happened. Robinson reluctantly hands the watch back and tells them to give it to Brennan. At the hospital Evie tells them they don't want the watch and that all she wants is their life back. She thinks that the watch would be blood money and taint whatever it bought. Brennan gives them the watch back.

Ben spots at fire engine approaching them and tells Roger that he used to beg his dad to follow them so he could see them in action. Roger chuckles and humours him and turns the car to follow the engine. "Don't say I don't treat you nice!" In the meantime Smithy is tracked down by Callum who tells him the E1 bar is on fire and both men hurry to the scene. Callum suggests Devlin has upset someone further up the food chain. "Nothing like a bit of poetic justice, hey?"

[randomnameless]

I hate how the fandom treats relationship between siblings in the Fe games. Sure some of them are brocon but not all, and it kills me that the only pair of siblings that managed to escape those are the one teasing. Like for example, the brocon in Leo for Camillla ok, i believe you. But Chrom and Emmeryn ? really ?! it's also painful that Chrom and Lissa escapes it just because Lissa is mischevious in nature but still while she admire her older brother, she still tease him! That's even worse when the 2 parties aren't related and then it is "emotional incest"... sorry i will never get over people getting mad at Leif/Nanna because of this, this ship among many others, and then says "iNcEsT haS aLwAyS bEeN PaRt of the series". It really is a yeas and nopes to this one remark

Antis will forever find soemthing to bash a ship they see as a rival ship lol

But yeah, as you said, that joke became old quite fast, and while I love a dynamic where siblings get along, let it be teasing or not (the Delbray sibs are fun too!) the recent games (FE16) made me painfully aware of how we were spoiled back then, when siblings had lines for each other and openly worried and talk about each other!

Watch me rant again, but I'll never be ok with FE16 carefully scrubbing Seteth of his interactions with Rhea bar the ones playing with the red herring or the "Billy centric" ones -

Like, can you imagine, one second, Reyson not rushing to Leanne after the Oliver chapters when they are reunited? Or an AU where Rafiel becomes feral, and only Ike chases after him as he runs away wanting to die alone - while Leanne and Reyson are sitting on the bench?

Nopes and FEH added more "dual teasing" context, but damn if FE16 was a slap in the face - and don't even get me started on how we still don't know if they are same gen nabateans (siblings like) or if Seteth isn't Rhea's big bro but only acts as her tired big bro.

[leelee120000]

Interview with TikTok Star, Caoimhe Morris

February 25, 2020

TikTok is a rapidly growing social media app, created when ByteDance, a Beijing-based company, spent $1 billion to purchase Musical.ly and merged their own app Douyin (Chinese: 抖音) with it. The new app was launched in 2017. Rising in popularity each year since. In 2019, CNET announced TikTok was the 7th most downloaded mobile app of the decade, from 2010 to 2019. 

It is a micro-video app, one where users create and share videos from 15 to 60 seconds. The editing features are leagues above the standard social media apps, more comparable to that of professional editing software. 1,000 of features, from instant eye recoloring to flaming backgrounds, all with a single click. The app has videos for anyone and everyone ranging from cooking, vlogging, comedy, music, politics, and cosplay.

I asked a TikToker I’ve been following if I could interview her, she said yes. She is Caoimhe Morris, @caoimhemorris on TikTok, who has 910.7 K followers and 23.9 million likes. She is a cosplayer, famous for creating and acting as her own characters.

* 3/21/20 Update, due to user scandals Caoimhe is no longer friends with @clapdaddie (Colton) or @infernumasylum (Ian). She is distancing her account from them both and no longer working with either.

McPherson: What would you like our readers to know about you?

Morris: I am a geeky girl that likes to dress up and act like other people. 

McPherson: How has your life changed because of this app?

Morris: I didn’t really notice how much this app had changed my life until I realized I only hang out with TikTokers now and not even on purpose. I literally have made so many amazing friends on this app and have had so many unforgettable experiences like traveling or getting to work with brands I never thought I would, overall I’m just so grateful for getting this far. 

McPherson: Is there anything you’d change if you were given a second chance?

Morris: I try not to live with regrets because they make you into the person you are.

McPherson: How do you edit so well?

Morris: I loved the creative field even when I was younger, I wanted to act, make films, draw basically do anything under the sun but I didn’t have the people to really put it together so I taught myself how to edit, film etc so I could just do it myself. 

McPherson: What has been the best moment you’ve had so far on the app?

Morris: The best moment I’ve had on this app is probably anytime in Aruba. Gil, Jayden, Colton, the twins, Ian, Gilean and everyone else in this little familia is amazing and to know that I didn’t know them a couple months ago is crazy because I feel like I’ve known them for so long at this point and memories we have created are unforgettable. 

McPherson: What has been the worst moment you’ve had so far on the app?

Morris: Probably when I put a lot of hard work into a video and no one sees it, that’s a little disheartening but it’s ok next video will be better.  McPherson: Do you think the friendships you’ve made with other creators will last?

Morris: I hope so! I know some of us will drift apart but there are some that I am pretty sure will last a long time.  McPherson: Are there any new original characters secrets you could share? Backstories, new characters?

Morris: I have a new character I’m working on where her band and her are cursed and anytime they play their music they turn into these “creatures” but apart from that new characters are still in the works. Secrets wise the only secret I can think of is a lot of people don’t know that Frenchie kisses her victims on the cheek after she kills them. [Frenchie is Caoimhe’s mafia character.]

McPherson: Do you see yourself moving into more social media apps anytime soon?

Morris: Probably I would love to do more YouTube stuff but I think right now TikTok is good enough for me!

LeAnne McPherson

[calypso-finale]

Hundred Eight.

Smiling at Diji “thank you” I said to him “it’s fine, I don’t want you scratching the cars now” he laughed at me, I am so useless with driving but I need to get my ass in gear “he is lucky to have you, these cars are crazy” I have to laugh because I don’t think he is “he isn’t lucky, I am hell but I ruined a lot of things for him, and the cars I got him for his thirtieth he gave back but then I had the number plates so what I am doing is rewinding it back and doing his thirtieth again, I told his mom and she is having Aziel. It’s not romantic but I just want to do it for him because I ruin a lot of his time, but this is what I would do for my friends, like he is a friend” Diji smirked “he is a friend and lover, but you know what go for it. He seems happy and so do you, and you’re cooking, wow he is so lucky” I swatted him “stop it, so did you see Colin?” I asked “yeah, we still boys, he said that he ain’t letting that ruin a friendship and yeah, we are good. He is alive but I said let it go, he will find a better woman. Halle and him just fizzled what can we say. I said to Lillian if that happens to us, please don’t cheat, tell me” nodding my head slowly “Lillian really loves you, I don’t see it. Like with Halle I did start to see the change and I was like mhmm she was keeping that in her, Lillian isn’t interested but I am happy for you both, you know what I asked Oakley what you want from your birthday, he said peace away from you, I think he was joking but he wants me to meet his therapist, like boy? So I am meeting him there” Diji snorted laughing “his way of maybe wanting help, or seeing if the things you both have can be helped, go for it. But it’s nice touch redoing what you missed, you a good person when you not on something, go for it sister” he hugged me “aww thank you, I love you so much Diji” he chuckled “an older brother you never had” he added “yes, my god. I wish I had that, I mean look, I call you for advice and help and you are always there” he smiled “that is my nature, that is why Lillian loves me, what can I say but have fun” bless his heart.

I feel like an idiot because I am late, as always. Knocking on the door before opening it “hi” oh it’s a woman, she has a deep voice, Oakley said it was woman, I think “come in, welcome. I am Leanne, please come in” she shook my hand “hi, I am Rylee” looking at Oakley, he looks like a spoilt child and is giving me the look Aziel does when he is bad, sitting down on the couch “we just kind of started didn’t we but you’re not here to be judged, Oakley was ok to openly have you here” looking over at him “really?” I said “I mean yeah, why else you here” he laughed “Oakley is naturally a very calm guy, and quiet too. I think understanding him is hard, for the most part. Are you ok with Rylee knowing things?” Leanna said to him “yeah, yeah” he said “we discussed a lot, I mean yes he is quiet but he does talk when needed, but a lot of the things we discuss is childhood isn’t it, things we don’t like to say a loud, being silent is best and it’s not a bad thing but we all need to talk about it. Oakley finds it hard to talk about things because all his life he has been told to supress his feelings at home, it was just the streets and him wasn’t it?” looking at Oakley, he nodded his head “music is his form of release, childhood trauma build you to who you are now, Oakley speak to Rylee. She is here, we had his friend here didn’t we, and you opened up then, how about now. We discussed that you can’t move forward clinging onto things, so Rylee is here and for you” Oakley looked at me “she thinks I was groomed as a child” he pointed, my eyes bulged out “Oakley, come on now. It isn’t a joke, talk. It’s good to talk” he sighed out “because I was on the streets for so long, because like I hung out with wrong people, because to make money to get studio time, I did things like a runner with drugs. I saw things like people getting beat up, like girls and that. I only like did it for money, I would drop drugs off from one point to another, but the money wasn’t anything, it was ten pounds, for my life. And like I was young” he shrugged “you was ten” she added “these men were same age as you are now Oakley, you was groomed into it because you was on the streets. And silence, that is all they wanted from you, if you want your relationship with Rylee or another we need to be open. You was ten, your mother kept throwing you to your grandparents, she didn’t have much money but gave you. Then you wanted to save to be a rapper, you wanted to be that. Then what happened?” Leanne is strict on him “I was robbed for that, at my grandma home. And they took all the money I made, they said it was a loan, I never did that” he mumbled “you was groomed to be on the streets and deal, and then when you wanted a way out you ended up having hate thrown at you” he never ever spoke on that to me, I am in shock “that is where the hate came from” he added.

I didn’t know this “why did you never say this to me?” I asked Oakley “I never thought it was a bad thing, like I was on the streets and that to me was fine” he mumbled “so this is why they hate you so much in west? You got out, how did you even get out, that is deep” I said “Ybeez” makes sense “denial is hard, I still feel in Oakley mind he hasn’t been groomed and that it was normal to be doing all that, but we are getting there aren’t we?” Oakley shrugged “I suppose, I just think it’s a little dramatic to say I was groomed. But if it makes you happy and content we can roll with it, but we got a special guest. Let’s speak on her” look at him diverting “no, this is about you. Why you changing it up on me, I am her for you and want to know more about you Oakley” he cringed “do we though?” I laughed “we do, because I know you wasn’t always like this, you’re so reserved. Like this whole no drinking, no drugs. Like how, why?” he looked away from me “so you have questions that need answers, Oakley you want to answer that?” he is going to hate this “you can answer it for me” he said to Leanne “we can talk, you seem to be in a good mood. I won’t push it” even she knows how quick his mood can switch.

I am thankful for Rylee and that breakaway in Greece, it was nice to have just a girly time and talk about things. I mean the biggest thing was to find out that Imani is actually speaking to a footballer on the low, she is sneaky that girl, but I couldn’t be happier in my life, I have a man that I do love and my family, my business, I am just in a good spot, but I need to start shopping for a home. I want my own home, like Rylee has and rents it out when she can, I mean I may not be living here because of Taylan but I want a home here because my dad and this whole no man in the house, also I can’t be fucking Taylan in my parents’ home, that is just weird, so I need to get one. And then I need to discuss a home with my fiancé, I cannot wait to be with him. Taylan does make me happy, but I am glad we had that time away, and that he knows he can’t just rule me like that “the wonderer returns” Taylan said “and you said you couldn’t make it, and look at that” he came to LA for me, he is so sweet “give me a hug” I came to the coffee shop as soon as I landed, Taylan picked me up as he hugged me “missed you so so much, look at this tan” I giggled “thank you, looks nice right but I missed you. A lot” he put me down “I have your Latte; I have your cake. It awaits you” I cooed out “you trying to get on my sweet side after that little disagreement” he pointed at me “see, a disagreement. It wasn’t an argument, remember that” sitting down across from him “well I was annoyed” I said “yeah you got annoyed, but it doesn’t mean we was arguing, we disagreed. I think you just get so worked up for nothing Ti” so he says “well I think that New Zealand isn’t the go to place to marry? Like who says let’s get married there?” I am right “we are different, we aren’t the same. We aren’t going to do the boring shit of Bora Bora, we are us. Come on now, there is beautiful spots in New Zealand. It is better for my family, and my mom said she would appreciate it too, she thanks you” I frowned “thanks me for what?” I am confused “to have it in New Zealand Ti” I am so confused “who agreed to that though?” I asked “us” I pulled a face “we are discussing Taylan, I said that to you” he can’t be jumping now “just like you didn’t discuss the bridesmaids, I mean you have friends why them two?” I scoffed “my friends are my bridesmaids and then my sisters, I wanted them to be it too ok. I decided that, that is my choice” pointed at him.

He says we don’t argue and that we have disagreements, but he sure does piss me off that I want to lash out “but still, I feel like your sisters don’t deserve to be that” he continued the shit he is saying “why so?” I asked “Rylee treated you like shit, not so much Imani. She is nice but Rylee fucking treated you bad and you just ride her wave” I laughed “what wave? She is in London, we get on. I am happy that my sisters are going to be bridesmaids for me, I love them. I don’t care about the past, we were teenagers then, we all fuck up do we not” he waved me off “fine, how was your trip. Look I am not mad, I am not upset but just I want good by you” nodding my head “but my family is mine ok, and they may not see eye to eye but they my family, my sister is my sister and if she called me right now I would be on the plane there because that is what families do so please, end of” he nodded his head “fine” he mumbled “how was Greece?” he asked “Greece was so good, I enjoyed it, I told them girls that we need to do it more often and you believe my Imani is getting with a footballer? Another British one at that” Taylan cooed out “you and Imani love your footballer men don’t you, classy men I would say” side eyeing him “what is your problem with Rylee?” I asked “what do you want me to say? I have no issues, I was joking. Like why can’t I joke?” rolling my eyes “well those jokes aren’t funny so please don’t bother again” he chuckled “so least you had a good time, so can I now go on a boys holiday?” nodding my head “why not, just don’t drink” his face dropped “and then you say that joke, yeah” he got up “I am using the bathroom” I think I annoyed him now.

Taylan came back but he seemed like he was mad when he left “yeah” he just said “what you mean yeah? I am sorry but like I thought we liked these jokes or is it just at my family? This is what I mean, it’s not nice so I want you to stop. I hope you aren’t doing this behind my back either because I want us to get along, Taylan me and you get on, we do. But politics puts us back you know that” he nodded his head “I get it, and I am not doing anything like that behind your back” nodding my head “I think we can overcome this, and also my dad will love you like I do” he chuckled “your mom has also changed on me” I pulled a face “Taylan, we barely see my family you know that, you can’t just say that she has when literally you only see her on parties and events” he laughed, I am glad he laughed because he sounds stupid “I am like a needy child, I just want to be liked. That is all, just seems so easy for others. I want your family to like me, like mine likes you. Just yeah, but don’t worry about it, me and you going to be good. I can’t wait to marry you” I sighed out “also my mom did mention she wants me to keep the Fenty name” I just saw the blood drain from him “she did the same with Aziel, she wants that to run through, her name is power and she wants me to keep that, so she wants me to have the double name like I am Brown” he is shaking his head “my name holds powers” he added “I can say Fenty in this coffee shop right now and every person here will know who, and why they know it, my mom is right and, oh wow!? You’re storming off now” he shook his head “it’s not the Rihanna show you know, you all can’t abide by her, you’re marrying me! I don’t care if Rylee jumps off a bridge, she does her but me and mine, they keep mine” shaking my head “then really? You need to think if you want this, or me. My mom is right” let him have a tantrum, I am sure my dad did too about it and he got over it and compromised.

[jvstheworld]

Due South Re-watch: part 2

Still on the pilot episode and on page 3 of my notes (there are 7 pages in an A5 notebook), so to continue where I left off:

•At this point we get a little bit of background of Fraser, he’s a good cop, very thorough with his job that he’s been doing for 13 years. But the reason why he is stationed where he is, is because he couldn’t handle urban areas. But because it’s his father that’s dead he will go to Chicago anyway. He tracked a man 300km because he blew up rivers to catch fish, there is no way in hell he wouldn’t go to Chicago.

•Fraser in Chicago is the epitome of the phrase ‘a fish out of water’. He’s extremely polite and very trusting. That doesn’t make him naive, he just wants to see the best of people instead of the worst and he does bring out the best in people more often than not.

•Then we introduce the buddy into this buddy cop comedy drama, Ray Vecchio, who is try to entrap someone into buying stolen merch in a holding cell? How exactly would you get someone to go along with that? Where was the logic there? To this day I am still confused by this. The fact that everyone put there hand put when Ray asked ‘Ok who let the Mountie into the holding cell?’ makes me laugh because they did it to mess with him.

•A piece of advice, if anyone tries to talk to you about something involving a dead person, use tact. Do not start off by saying ‘The dead Mountie thing.’ and then act like an ass. But did it prove Gerard right earlier when he was talking to Fraser about how the Chicago PD were going to treat this case. It’s only after Fraser tells Ray that it was his father that he actually cares about the case.

•As a kid I didn’t understand why Leanne was so angry at Fraser, but as an adult I do. Imagine you had been working your ass off in a job you hate and working towards a better one for 4 years, while also having to probably put up with some casual sexism to be then told that you aren’t right for the job and someone new swoops in and gets it. Yeah I would be pissed too. Also, her boss is and unhinged idiot, just saying.

•We are about half an hour into the episode and already we have established our main characters, and some running themes and jokes. The episode is an hour and a half, because it was originally supposed to be a TV movie then it turned into a two part pilot when it got picked up for a full season. This is also why the car Ray drives changes, the precinct set changes, and of course the Mountie uniform is correct in all episodes after this.

There will be a part 3.