#leafies top gun stuff

[mapled-penitentiary]

pete "someone gonna match my freak" mitchell

nick "see you soon honey" bradshaw

tom "biting and gnarling my teeth at you" kazansky

ron "enveloping you in a hug after almost dying together" kerner

leo "calling your supposed girlfriend to make sure youre okay after a traumatic event" wolfe

rick "making the worst possible horny jokes to cheer you up" neven

carole "g-d, he loved flying with you, maverick" bradshaw

[mapled-penitentiary]

THEY ARE GAY.

People feel like they have to... Justify their ships now? When the hell did that start? Ask me why I ship something and it's like, the characters were in a room together one time. The fuck more do you expect from me?

[gaycrittercentral]

I’d like to know where the Maxlings came from

Oh hell yeah I’d love to tell!! ok so I had the concept planned as a comic initially but it really got away from me and got too long for me to actually make, so what I’ve got is sort of a script-lookin thing that I would have used as framework for it. I hope that’s an ok format?? I considered trying to write it into more of a prose/fic format but honestly I like it best like this. Ok enough rambling I hope it’s funny to y’all lmao (also it got. Um. Very long)

First scene is in the middle of a beautiful glade deep in the woods, where Sam and Max are dancing in a crowd of magical-looking fairies, grinning at each other. It’s late and there are fairy lights (teehee) illuminating the area, tables of food and drink scattered around the outskirts of the crowd.

S: wow, quite the day we’ve had, eh little pal?

M: you can say that again, Sam! I mean, how often do you get to save an ancient fairy commune by beating up their evil warlock oppressor?

S: and on top of that they throw this little shindig in our honor! I have to say, I never knew lutes could play such great club music.

M: and I’m living for these hors d’oeuvres! We simply must get the recipe.

Behind them, a pair of fairies in big leafy crowns talk quietly.

Fairy queen: these strangers are so delightfully mischievous.

Other fairy queen (they are lesbians): quite! Truly a pair of mortals after our own hearts. How should we reward them for defeating our fell foe?

FQ 1: hmm…I have an amusing idea. What’s better than two chaos-causing mortals?

FQ 2: ahhh, I see! A marvelous idea!

The queens approach Sam and Max, with several other smiling fairies clustered around.

FQ 2: well, my friends, it has been a true pleasure to have you! Before you depart, my queen and I have a gift for you as thanks for defeating the dreaded warlock Snivellion.

(M: tee hee)

FQ 1: here, please take these.

She hands Max a little package made of leaves and tied with twine.

FQ 1: these magical seeds will grow into a wonderful gift if you keep them warm and safe.

M: well, we don’t have the best record with houseplants…

S: but we’ll happily accept your gift anyway! I’m sure they’ll be fun for the few minutes they manage to survive in the harsh climate of our office.

M: if they live through the trip back in my pocket, that is.

FQ 2: oh, trust me, I’m sure they will be every bit as hardy as the two of you.

Max stuffs the leaf packet in his inventory and he and Sam take their leave, waving to the fairies as they go.

S: so long now! Have fun partying eternally!

M: you know, we never did get introduced—don’t suppose I could get your names?

FQ 1: hah, nice try. Fare thee well, mortals!

FQ 2: farewell!

As they go, we see a shot of Max’s inventory, with his gun and maybe a hammer or something to show that’s what it is. The leaf package sits quietly for a moment, before releasing a tiny sprout.

Several months later…

Sometime in the dead of night, they’re both sleeping until Max stirs and sits up with his ears all lopsided, looking kinda disgruntled and tired.

M: I’m gonna go take a dump

S, not quite asleep yet and regretting it: you don’t have to tell me every time. I actually think I’d rather if you didn’t.

M: but what if I fall in? I’d want you to know what I was doing! :D

S: *half-asleep grumbling*

Max wanders off to the bathroom to perch on the can and read a magazine.

M: oh, Martha, you get me. Mostly because we’ve both been to the slammer

Suddenly a baby wail echoes from the toilet (thank you, mammalian diving reflex) and Max immediately screams, flings his magazine to parts unknown and runs for the hills.

M: Sam!! SAM!!! The toilet screamed at me!!!! I think that ill-advised bathroom exorcism we did instead of cleaning the shower drain didn’t work, we must’ve summoned some kind of toilet ghost instead!!

S: what are you talking about, numbskull? You interrupted a perfectly good dream I was having about a discontinued ice cream bar :(

M: just come help me get rid of it! I can’t go with some spectral peeping Tom shrieking at me!

They get to the bathroom and Max hovers by the door as Sam inspects the toilet.

S: Max, you cotton-brained dolt, there’s no ghosts in—GREAT GALLOPING GEYSERS TAP DANCING ON SATURN’S FURTHEST MOON!

He immediately reaches in to save the weird little wet rat almost glaring accusingly at him from the bowl (it could glare a little better if its eyes were functional yet). Max cringes at him.

M: Jesus, Sam, I know we’re both nasty, but I thought we agreed to leave this level of grossness to me! Wait what the fuck is that thing.

S: well, if my outdated recollection of mammalian biology and your horrifying baby pictures is correct, then I’d say it kind of looks like a neonatal lagomorph. Did…did this come out of you?

M: oh please, I think I’d know if I had something like that stashed away somewhere in here. (Vaguely gestures to himself) Now could you get outta the way? If it was just some weird naked rat that crawled up the toilet to yell at me and not a ghost, then I’d like to finish my business in here.

Sam stares at the little rat-looking baby. It has teeth. Teeth like Max’s. He grabs a towel out of the bathroom closet instead and tosses it in the bathtub, then nabs Max by the scruff of his neck and deposits him on top of it.

S: why don’t you just wait down here for a minute while I get this little thing cleaned up?

M: Sam what the hell I don’t need to be housebroken!! Ugh fine but you’re cleaning the towel if—oh my god there’s another one.

S: SWEET SAINT OLGA OF KIEV SINGING OPERA FOR AN AUDIENCE OF PUPPETS WITH A TIN FOIL SUIT AND TIE AND A CREAMED CORN CROWN

Several escaped kits later…

Sam and Max lie together in bed with the kits on top of them, all wiggling around and squeaking faintly. Sam looks vaguely shaken by the experience, but Max just kinda looks like it’s totally normal.

M: haha I thought you guys were just weird little turds! Well, aren’t all children though, come to think of it

S: and you’re sure they came out of your inventory and not some hitherto unknown reproductive system of yours?

M: Sam, at this point I think I’d be able to tell if they’d been up my ass, don’t you?

S: well, sure, but also that’s not where—

M: and besides, my pocket snacks have been going missing all day and this totally explains it. Look, that one’s still got Cheeto dust all over her face!

Sam looks down at one of the girls, who is indeed very orange.

S: ooh. Let me just clean you up there, sweetheart.

He licks her clean gently. She squeaks in approval.

S: huh! What do you know, that really is Cheeto dust.

M: see, I told you so! I still have no idea how they could’ve gotten in there, though…I mean, they look brand new. And also a lot like us.

S: well, mostly like you.

M: nah, see, this one’s got little floppy ears! And lookit their tails, mine’s not long like that. Oh! And this one’s got your nose!! Oh, Sam, it’s so precious I could just squish her like an overripe tomato! …um, but I won’t, obviously.

S: personally, I find myself rather enamored with their tiny little toe beans. Just look at that! They’re so little…

They both giggle delightedly over the kits for a minute, before relaxing back into the pillows. It’s still the middle of the night and they’re both exhausted.

S: so…if we don’t know how they got there, and they don’t look like they could be anybody else’s…

M: 👀

S: I mean unless we want to take them to the vet to check for microchips or something…?

M: too late I’m already coming up with names and dreaming of all the bad words I’m gonna teach them

S: oh, good, so am I. I guess it doesn’t matter how they got there, then…but you really have to wonder…

Something like a half hour ago…

The kits are sitting in a little pile in the middle of Max’s inventory, the opened leaf package below them and Max’s gun leaning against the wall beside them (it’s bigger than they are). Lacey’s face is covered in Cheeto dust and there are a few remaining Cheeto crumbs scattered around them. They have a brief conversation of squeaks, translated into pictures.

Maisie: >:/ *exit sign, there isn’t an emoji for it but just draw one*❗️(she’s bored and she wants out)

Lacey and Crowbar: :o ???

Maisie starts crawling around determinedly until she comes across some kind of rift in reality, through which the toilet bowl is visible. But not to her, of course, because she can’t see just yet. She immediately plummets out of the rift with a tiny shriek, and her siblings react like :0 there’s silence for a second, before Crowbar squeaks and is translated to:

C: dare you to go after her

L: 👀

And that’s it!! Hdkhsshsg here’s hoping it’s at least a little amusing to y’all because it’s very funny to me for whatever reason hdjshsjhddhdjhfjd

Oh! And as a reward for sticking around here’s one of the other first drawings of them I ever did :’> they were very much inspired by @lillylunala’s drawings of Max as a baby if it isn’t obvious, which you should absolutely check out if you haven’t seen them bc my god she really nailed it heheheeee

[mapled-penitentiary]

2008 (icemav)

in the middle of the war, somewhere in Afghanistan, Maverick is finally sent home. its leave, but it doesnt seem like leave. after all, hes just going to come back to this sandy shitbox hell.

but he still goes back to the states. his head hurts, the wound in his side that shouldve healed months ago aches, and he cant go anywhere without the smell of smoke in his lungs.

but still, he goes home.

after all, hes a reckless, stupid sonuvabitch. so when he finally lands in san deigo he pays for a taxi to the admirals house and knocks without warning. ice opens up the door to see a eerily small looking maverick with eyebags and scrapes on his face staring up at him.

hes hurt, they both know that. hes seen too much, and ice is going to kill whoever thought to keep sending him out on missions. but still, he lets mav inside as if they are only friends.

it takes too long for the mask to drop, ice thinks. but when it does, its 2 days later, and maverick just calmly shuts off the boiling water on the stove and retreats back into the small corner behind a chair.

ice isnt sure whats happening, but he knows maverick isnt okay.

slowly, he comes and sits down by the corner as well, draping his right arm over maverick, shielding him from the outside world.

when maverick comes back, he apologizes. but all ice does is cusp his hands on the others cheek and softly wipe the tears away.

"youll always have me here, mav."

[mapled-penitentiary]

addition: ice is very good at it. he explains everything to bradley with confidence and precision. ice trusts bradley so ice lets bradley drive him around one day.

never again.

15 year old bradley and admiral kazansky are never to drive in the same car again, just because ice is the worst backseat driver and cannot help but tell bradley what hes doing wrong. (he doesnt mean too, obviously, but that perfectionism.) they get home, ice has a migrane, bradley looks shell shocked, and mav calls up slider and PLEADS for him to teach bradley how to drive.

maverick : slider i swear to g-d i will never make lasangna for you again if you don't help me with this driving stuff.

slider, trying not to die of laughter as he listens to the pure fear in mavericks voice (hes never letting any of them live this down.)

I truly believe Mav doesn’t have his drivers license for the same reason I don’t and that is because he gets distracted by any plane. Ice 100% gets so stressed because of it, he lets Mav drive them to work once after he finally gets his license and never again.

That also leads Ice to be the one to teach 15 year old Bradley to drive and he was either really good at it or so bad that Slider had to step in.

[jamiebluewind]

Character Descriptions for Fantasy High 2.9!

***

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

Warning: trauma, abuse, mental abuse, neglect, starvation, manipulation, memory loss mention, dark themes, isolation, imprisonment, fantasy racism, vomit mention (please let me know if I missed any)

All pronounciations typed out have a rolled R.

***

Facts

The party is currently at 44,100 exp. each. Next level is at 48,000 (which will probably take 3 more big battles, 2 if Brennan is super generous with RP awards).

Abernant family had all their land and wealth reclaimed by The Court of Stars for their treachery and failure to prevent a war with Solace. Elianwyn committed treason and betrayal as well.

To save Adaine, the group decided to break up into 3 teams: Pylon 1 (Ragh, Tracker, Cathilda, and Sandra Lynn), Pylon 2 (Gorgug, Fabian, and Riz), and Recovery (Ayda, Fig, and Kristen). Team 1 and 2 would simultaneously take out the pylons. Then, the recovery team would go in (invisible and/or disguised) and gets Adaine and Aelwyn. They would all meet back at Van where they would most likely use Ayda's teleport to leave Fallinel (or regroup to plan their next move).

***

New Characters

Tell-ah-mine Low-men-el-da

Fabian's grandpapa

Tall elf with regal green robes, a silver circlet, long platinum white blond hair with a widows peak, and shimmering blue eyes

Crinkle in the corners of his eyes shows his age in sort of an Elrond way. He look of a dude in his late 40s/early 50s who took excellent care of his body and kept it tight

Moves with supernatural grace

Can turn into silver sand and float away

Has no concept of what time means

Obsessed with the fact that his grandson will die before him (Your human blood has brought mortality to this family. You will one day die.)

Offers to send word to an elf who is a fabled eye smith who lives on the high mountains at the heart of Fallinel that can craft a working eye (from songs, whispers, beams of moonlight, jeweled edges of the blue of the sea, and shimmering poems pulled from the ether itself) for Fabian, but has no clue how long it will take (a moment, a year, or a hundred years).

Can't pronounce words in common very well, especially words he's never heard before (which delights Fabian and pisses off Gorgug)

Calls Fabian Aramais Seacaster fa-bee-ahn ah-rye-ah-my-ess Seacaster (which might actually be the proper pronouncations of his name in that region as "Seacaster" was said correctly and that's how all the other elves say his name as well) and calls Hallariel ha-lair-ee-el

Weeps without moving his face, but also sometimes makes a soft eeehhhh sound when he cries (at one point he cried over a drop of water)

Gifted stewardship of Khy-low Meh-new-rah 3000 years ago after he crafted The Sword of the North Star (he was the smith of fung-dran-ghoor) for the ancient king of Fallinel Th-wrist-win Eversong.

"Without the Elven Oracle, we are lost."

Saw the Abernants as power hungry and cruel and can't understand why they would leave Fallinel. He found Anguin in particular to be a crass and small man with no nobility, only a thirst for power.

Thinks Riz has a harsh energy, is "a little dick", and calls him "a strange green mouse thing"

Got physically ill when a gun was explained to him, calling it gross and some dwarven kind of thing before vomiting which he turns into a flock of white crows

Vhan-lair-ee-el

Fabian's aunt

Tried to heal Fabian's pneumonia with elvan singing

Said "I have failed" when her singing doesn't work before she fades into starlight and vanishes

Hal-door-in and [unnamed youth]

Elven teens in white linen shorts arguing because [unnamed] believes Hal-door-in took his lute.

Calmed by a distant song which stopped their fight.

Faf-threth-riel

Lithe elven youth (around 17 or 18 years old) with a blond mop of hair covering one eye

Bakes elven whey bread

Lived a sheltered life

Ragh was the first half-orc he met

Mostly into Ragh due to Ragh being half orc, excessively talking about his green skin (like the boughs of a tree leafy, my leafy man), being big and beefy (your legs are like the mighty trunks of trees), was really into rage (like when Ragh punched a seat cushion) to the point of it making Ragh uncomfortable

Sang in bed

Treth-thren-ren

Elven youth who does morning dance yoga

Tried to get Fabian to eat a grape

Oak Warriors

Elemental plant based automaton soldiers made of pure magic

Look like 8 foot tall green men with leaves coming from their faces

***

Changes to Established Characters

Aelwyn

Matted long blond hair

Dry skin, chapped colorless lips, and thick bags under her eyes

Severely dehydrated and trance deprived (probably hasn't been allowed to trance for nearly a year)

5 points of exhaustion. Only magic is keeping her from going to the 6th level and dying.

Her "room" is a large large beautiful elven chamber with silver and marble. Ambiant light glows from the white stone.

Trapped inside a 15 foot diameter orb that's constantly turning so she can't trance

Crawling on hands and knees while trapped, shaking with the effort

Doesn't give Adaine up to Kear

Can still remember how to cast the message cantrip

Feels strange and addled (unable to think clearly; confused), can't remember what's real or imagined anymore, doesn't clearly remember what happened in her past (including what she did to get imprisoned), and forgets what she and Adaine have already talked about (causing a lot of reputation).

Thinks her parents "tried their best they could" and that "they expected quite a lot of us, but isn't that what- doesn't that... didn't that make us great?" (possibly due to something her father said or did since her imprisonment as it echoes a few things he's said)

Gilear

Looks scruffy (from not shaving), dirty, and has pit stains

Somehow didn't mess up being diplomatic with Fabian's grandpapa

Unbuttons the top button on his shirt when he "lets loose"

To Fig about Sandra Lynn and Garthy: Are you aware of such... hanky panky?

Learning of Sandra Lynn's infidelity with Garthy "Honestly? Perhaps this is... fucked up. It makes me feel... like there wasn't something uniquely wrong with me. Maybe a tiny little w for Gilear."

Spent the night walking through the forest with Hallariel's father, reciting poetry (badly)

To Fabian after Hallariel's father threw up "You're low and he's low. It's Gilear's day baby! It's Gilear's day."

Tried to ask Hallariel's father for her hand, but even though Fig gave him bardic inspiration and Riz helped by covering Fabian's mouth, he failed... so much. ("Lord Tell-ah-mine of Khy-low Meh-new-rah I like you am-" *makes himself throw up* "We get it. We both get it. We... We're the throw up boys." *passes out*)

Ayda

Hid in the van the entire visit

Might have rejection sensitive dysphoria (which is common in those with autism or ADHD)

Did a sending spell to Zelda for Gorgug for 150 gold (after reminding him that she very much does not like anyone in her debt or visa versa)

Offered to exact vengeance on Zelda for Gorgug

Is powerful enough to know teleport and learn plane shift (so level 13 or higher)

Stated that Adaine is her best friend and decides that since Fig is also Adaine's best friend, by the transitive property she is best friends with Fig as well (and Fig agreed). Learning this, she says "Fantastic. I grow richer by the day. I'm emotional." before starting to cry fire "I'm emotional. I'm gonna fly away." She then flew away, returning after she had calmed down.

Ragh

Ate grapes and started burping musical notes after he left Khy-low Meh-new-rah.

Lost his virginity to Faf-threth-riel who then got creepy and kinda racist, making Ragh very uncomfortable (and want to get out of there asap)

Fabian

Lost both points of exhaustion thanks to the 8000 thread count elven sheets (did they get to keep the sheets or at least one sheet for help with exhaustion?)

Felt really good when he tried out dance yoga, even wondering if he should be some kind of yoga dancer instead of a fighter (how about a whirling dervish dancer like Cathilda?)

The grapes he put in his pocket (after refusing to eat them) turned into song

Indifferent towards saving Aelwyn and doesn't want to be on the retrieval team

When he started feeling anxious about the Aelwyn stuff, Riz told him to lose himself in dancing again to feel free (Riz: You are the only one that I wanna see dancing right now.) It made him feel much better.

***

Other Characters

Adaine

Taken by Court of Stars

Her jacket and spellbook were taken

Trapped in an orb which is soft and doesn't hurt her, but the constant movement of its slow turning doesn't allow her to be still or trance

The walls of her room glow with runes and there are many perminant magical effects, making her captors capable of some crazy things (like prepared directional counter spells), but the setup wouldn't counter cantrips

Escaped the orb with dispel magic (dc 15) which makes a couple counter spells go off and an alarm sound

Hid in Aelwyn's room. The sister's spoke before she was recaptured and placed back in her orb. Adaine told Aelwyn that she was going to get her out

Discovered that her room was close enough to Aelwyn to talk to her via the message cantrip

Repeatedly cast Ray of Frost to turn her orb into a slip and slide to stay entertained

Instead of speaking to her father in elvish, she responded in common. Also cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on him.

Anguin and Kear said she would be executed for treason for staying in Solace and refusing to cooperate. She demanded a lawyer and then the Ambassador to Solace, citing her age and being a student at Augefort Adventuring Academy which summoned a recorded hologram of Arthur Augefort.

Arthur Augefort

Has a recorded hologram that is activated when a student claims the need of his diplomatic help in foreign affairs.

It threatens the listeners with graphic and terrifying violence and doom, giving them the options of either rectify the actions that summoned him (Yes) or refuse and welcome the aforementioned punishment for their actions (No).

Gorgug

Fabian's grandfather called him Jhor-judge

Finally got a message to Zelda via Ayda using her sending spell (Zelda. Safe in Fallinel. Gonna finish cell tower soon. Sorry about everything, but hope your break is going well in spite of this. Miss you.) and got a reply the next morning a little while after waking up (Sorry. Was at a party. You don't have to build a cell tower. That's crazy. It's all whatever Gorgug. I don't blame you.)

Didn't sleep well, but still got the benefit of a full night's sleep due to elven sheets.

Kristen

Got in a fight with Tracker and then got 3 nat 1s on persuasion checks when she tried to make up with her.

Slept in Adaine's room

Doesn't know how to make a cell tower

Took one of the 40 to 50 foot long diaphanous silk scarves with her

Gave (inspiring?) speech ending with "Friendship is thinker than water and we need water to live." which gave everyone 11 temp hit points

Accidentally called Pok a "smiling elf" and then blew it off as being due to her being human

Can now see Shadow Cat in the picture (along with Tracker, Sandra Lynn, Garthy, Riz, and Sklonda and possibly the dead cambian, Pok, Jace, and Adaine's mom) and reacted by saying "Was I spooning the cat all night in the milk!?"

Sandra Lynn

Dropped out senior year and got her diploma after the fact to join an adventuring party

Joined as a replacement member for an existing adventuring party that was already active in the world and included an older much more powerful married couple.

Fresh out of high school, fell in love with one person from the couple (nonbinary or gender intentionally hidden) who "did not treat her very kindly"

When it all came out, she was ejected from the adventuring party, her romantic partner took great pains to smear her name (so no one would accept her), no other party would take her as a replacement, and she was forced to become a Celesian Ranger

Gilear knows who the couple were, but doesn't want to tell Fig (could she know the people involved?)

Key-heir/Khear

Child-like elven maiden with long brown braided hair, a white gown, and a large staff.

When confronted by Arthur Augefort's hologram, she chose to not heed his warnings.

***

More from 2.9!

***

Previous

[pigeontheoneandonly]

If you are still taking the the Kiss Prompts, #16 for Shenko please! (f or m, your choice!)

Thanks for the request, @bardofheartdive! ��So sorry this took ages to finish!

16. when one person’s face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead

Nathaly Shepard ran her hand backwards through her hair.  Growing out, now the war was over, but not fast enough.  "I cannot believe I let you talk me into this.“

“You’ve said that fifteen times now.  Look, we’re almost to the boat.”  Kaidan was accustomed to her grousing.  "We’re lucky to be here.  This is the best time of year for it.“

“It’s about to pour at any moment.”  She tugged at her anorak, which was already coming loose.  "And you have me standing out in the damp, wearing this ridiculous contraption.“

He put his arm around her waist.  "Fresh air never did anyone harm.  Just wait until we’re out on the open ocean, salt breeze in your face, skipping over the waves– you’re going to love it.”

She muttered.  Kaidan nudged her. “The boat tops out at eighty knots.  I’ve never known you to turn down any opportunity to go fast.”

More than a little flirt in that.  But she was in a mood.  "It stinks like dead fish.“

"It’ll get better once we’re out on the water.”  The line began to move.  They stepped up into the small boat, a tough rubber zodiac designed to skim across the surface of the ocean, and found their seats.  

As she attempted to wrangle the bulky coat without putting an elbow in anyone’s face, she couldn’t resist one final complaint.  "We could have at least picked a boat with a mass effect field to keep us dry.“

Kaidan settled in beside her as if he’d been born at sea.  "Nah.  We want the full experience.”

She took in his grin, made a sound of disgust, crossed her arms and looked away.

But once they pulled away from the pier, she had to admit, it wasn’t so bad.  The air was cooler.  A bit sticky from the salt, but clean.  Not that it would do her any favors to let it show.  Kaidan was convinced that if he just showed her enough of Earth’s wonders, one day, she’d enjoy living on a planet.  Shepard harrumphed, shrugging deeper into the anorak.  Not damned likely.

The natural splendor of the greater Vancouver area had done little to win her over.  It was damp and cold.  She could only do so much hiking, pretend to see so many birds when Kaidan pointed at a leafy patch of nothing, or wade for two hours to a supposedly picturesque waterfall before she was going to lose it.  Shepard wanted space stations with their painted metal hallways and cozy cabins, with the closest thing to weather the quiet hiss of the ventilation.  A ship.  A goddamned hardsuit floating in the peaceful void– something clean and comfortable and nice.  Not chock full of the wonders of mud and rain.

Now this.  A four-hour tour on the high seas, alongside fourteen other eager people armed with binoculars, for a wet, gray day of whale watching.  "You hated when I went down into the sea on Despoina.  It looked a lot like this.“

"If you forget the rusting spaceship wrecks, the mind-control orbs, and the busted diving suit.”  His voice was very dry.  But his arm tightened around her.  

Shepard sighed and changed the subject.  "How long until–“

"There, look.”  He pointed.  He didn’t need to.  The boat actually listed starboard from the weight of the passengers all leaning to look.  In the far distance, maybe five hundred meters, a bulky form breached the surface and collapsed back in a fountain of seawater.  

Around them, people ooed and aahed and raised their omni-tools for photos.  Shepard glanced at Kaidan.  He hadn’t moved, but his face was alight.  Feeling something from this experience that she couldn’t echo.  And that intrigued her.  "I just don’t understand.“

His eyes lingered on that distant fading spray a few seconds longer before he turned to her.  "It's… something unimaginably ancient and vast.  Something incredible.”

“Kaidan.”  She didn’t know quite what to say.  "You’ve seen stars, and nebula, and a couple dozen different worlds.  You’ve talked to reapers and a Prothean and seen marks left by people millions of years ago.  What’s special about this?“

He chewed it over, look out at the water.  "Those were all unimaginable experiences.  And maybe that’s the difference.  This stuff… it’s part of us.  It’s a connection deeper than bone.  It’s humbling, and comforting.  Seeing where we came from.”

Their pilot steered the zodiac closer to the sighting, cutting through the waves with hardly a splash.  

Shepard peered out towards the horizon.  "How close are they allowed–“

A massive gray torpedo launched itself from the depths, surging out of the ocean with such titanic force that its scarred tail cleared the surface, not fifteen meters from the boat.  For the barest moment it hung still and infinite in the air.  Then it fell, creaking, heavy, twisting, with a tidal wave that sped towards their zodiac and nearly overturned it.  

People screamed, some with elation, some with genuine fear, as the pilot cursed and gunned the motor, gaining distance.  Shepard raised her arm to shield herself as the water crashed over them.  Moving, without any conscious intention, forward towards the rubber hull, leaning out.  "What?”

He wiped water off his face.  "I think we got a little closer than the tour company likes.“

She stretched forward, looking down into the gray waves.  "Where did it go?”

“Back down, I expect.”  He tugged on her arm.  "They really prefer everyone to stay in the zodiac.“

But she leaned further, seeking the dark shadow of the whale.  "I think I can almost make it out, there.”And it rose again to the surface.  More sedately, this time, blowing out a breath in a puff of fog.  For a long moment it stared at her from one enormous black eye.  Kaidan was right.  It wasn’t at all like meeting the leviathans.  This was… she didn’t know what this was.  But it was old.  And kinder, too.  She reached forward without any conscious intention–

And the whale slapped its tail on the water, sending a plume crashing over her head, and vanished back into the abyss.

Shepard spluttered, drenched to the bone and spitting out seawater, her face a scrunched mess.  Kaidan laughed, and kissed her cheek, her forehead, her squinting salt-logged eyes, his arms warm and tight around her.  "I knew you’d get it eventually.“

[gveret-fic]

Prompt: Kara tries to convince Lena that, no, she's *actually* allergic to kale. No, for real, she is. Totally not lying. At all!

“Youcan’t be allergic to kale,” Lena scoffed. “You’re an alien.”

Karapushed her heaping plate of horrible, horrible homemade salad around the tableand started fiddling with her fork. “Well—well, exactly! The uniquemicroorganisms growing on leafy greens on this planet—my, my body can't—haven’tyou seen War of the Worlds?”

“Kara,I have seen you eat fries that have been sneezed directly onto. You haverescued Ebola patients from a flooded hospital, maintaining sustained physical contactthe whole time. Your cells regenerate so quickly you can’t even put on henna. Whatmicroorganisms?”

“The…unique microorganisms growing on… uhh…” Kara noticed she’d been tearingher fork into little ribbons and immediately let go. The pieces clattered tothe table with a series of loud clinks. Lena silently handed over her own fork.

Karadecided to shift gears. “You know, my complex Kryptonian digestive systemjust has a hard time with your Earth plant fiber. Tough cellular structure.Very inhospitable.”

“Humansdon’t digest cellulose, either,” Lena said with an annoyingly charminglittle smirk. “That’s what shitting is for.”

Karalooked at her in dismay. She would go to all the trouble of putting that stuffin her mouth and chewing and swallowing and then…? “Then—then—whatis even the point of this torture!”

Lenaopenly laughed at her. “Kara, I get it. You don’t like kale. You don’thave to eat the salad.”

Karafelt like she might cry. “Oh, thank Rao. Lena, I—”

“Butdon’t worry!” Lena cut her off brightly. “I’m creative. I willfind a way to make you enjoy one of Earth’s most versatile superfoods,Supergirl.”

Thenshe winked very very badly, and Kara really had no choice but to resign herselfto her bitter, fibrous, leafy fate.

.

.

“Guesswhat!” Lena announced as she let herself into Kara’s apartment, carrying alarge Tupperware container. “It’s dessert week!”

Lenahad attempted to coax Kara into consuming a wide variety of deeply off-puttingdishes over the past several weeks. From kale-eggplant parmesan to mac, kaleand cheese; potato-kale fritters to French kale-onion soup. Kara hadsuccessfully dodged all of them so far, but Lena seemed completely undeterred.

“Canyou figure out this week’s secret ingredient?” she asked, opening thecontainer to reveal an assortment of sickly green baked goods. Baked… somethings,anyway. “I’ll give you a hint: it’s loveable, curly, and contains severaltimes the recommended daily value of vitamin K.” She leaned forward and kissedKara sweetly on the mouth. “Just like you.”

“Ireally wish you wouldn’t compare me to Earth’s greatest abomination.”

“Ha!Well, you might change your tune after you try one of these.” Lena heldout a muffin speckled yellow and green. “All original recipe.”

Karasquinted at it. Were those raisins in there? “Lena, thank you forgoing to all this effort, but as I said, I’m deathly allergic, so…”

“Uh—butlook, this one’s a chocolate chip cookie,” Lena said hopefully, rummagingaround in her Tupperware. “You love those? And the flavor is barelynoticeable. You might like it if you try it.”

“I’msure it’s great, but, you know, needles—they can’t pierce my skin, so, if I gointo anaphylaxis we might not have time to get to the DEO, and—”

Karawas lying so badly, she knew that. She was a terrible liar. But a flash ofuncertainty and concern still passed over Lena’s face.

Sheput the cookie away. “Well, salicylate intolerance has been linked to sensitivityto kale, but that’s more likely in people with asthma. Kale allergyspecifically is rather uncommon, and caused by significant exposure. I doubtyou’ve consumed large amounts of kale in the past?”

Karasilently shook her head. Could it be possible that Lena actually… believed her?

“Right.Then again, you’re an alien from outer space, so who even knows. You could besensitive to chlorophyll for all we know. You do eat mustard, so it’s probablynot the salicylate, come to think of it. A skin prick test would be impracticalfor obvious reasons, but I bet I can replicate it fairly easily, with L-Corp’sresources. Hm…”

Shewas taking this so seriously. Guilt sat heavy in Kara’s stomach like alump of Rao damned kale. She had to confess. Even if it meant more… salad.“Lena, listen, I—”

“Isthat a hair on your sweater?” Lena interrupted, already reaching for it.“Can I have it? Thanks. I’ll just run some tests in my spare time, not abig deal. Ideally some blood work would be nice, but I don’t want to impose—Ifthere really are any bacteria or another kale-specific component causing anadverse reaction, I will isolate it, rest assured. Maybe a mouth swab? You knowwhat, I’ll just grab that coffee cup I saw in your trash earlier.”

Shekissed Kara’s cheek, produced a sterile plastic baggie from her coat’s innerpocket, whisked yesterday’s used paper cup out of Kara’s garbage, and whirledout the door.

Karawould be hard-pressed to say whether it was a force of nature she was dating,or a natural disaster.

.

.

Aweek later, Kara may still have felt a little bit guilty about her deception,but not guilty enough to abandon it in the face of Lena’s newest greenmonstrosity.

“Lena—um—haven’twe settled this? You know I’d love, really, would so happily eat anything, um,anything you made for me, but, I’m just concerned about my multitude of strangeand confusing alien organs shutting down, and then where do you even finda Kryptonian doctor, last of my people and everything—”

“Ahah ah.” Lena held up her index finger, an insufferably self-satisfiedexpression on her face. “Look at this.” She handed Kara a piece ofpaper.

Karascanned over it quickly. Lab results. Concerning all sorts of interactionsbetween various Kryptonian cells and brassica oleracea var. sabellica.

“You’reout of excuses,” Lena said smugly. “Now, please don’t tell me I tooka molecular gastronomy class for nothing and eat your damn spherified kale and salmongel pellets floating in deconstructed truffle foam.”

Karamade her very best beseechingly sad face, and when that had no effect except tomake Lena coo, kiss her gently and push the plate closer, there was nothingleft to do but to bite the damn bullet. Or more accurately, bite the damnspherified kale and salmon gel pellets floating in deconstructed truffle foam.

Karawould have preferred the bullet, all told. At least that would have had a bitof a crunch.

.

.

Laterthat day, a nuclear power plant was attacked by unidentified assailants dressedin heavy alien armor. It had been a long, drawn out fight, and Kara was… kindof losing.

Not,like, completely, or really even very much. Just a little bit.

Oneof the attackers shot her in the shoulder with their big weird round gun, andshe felt the vibrations of it down to the bone. She had dull aches pulsing inher arms and abdomen, and now in her chest, and her vision was getting a littlewonky. If this didn’t end soon, it might not end well.

Karawent on the offensive. She grabbed the attacker’s head and smashed it againsther own. Ears ringing, she tore the weapon out of their hands and threw it intothe ground below. She got a kick in the stomach for her effort. Her opponentused the momentum to push away from her, turned around and fled. She let themgo.

J'onnkicked off another one’s helmet, Kara punched through the third’s breastplate,and they finally started to retreat.

Karafound herself staring at her fist in midair, watching it go in and out offocus.

“I’vegot you,” J'onn said quietly in her ear. She wasn’t sure how she’d endedup in his arms. “You’re okay.”

.

.

Thenext time Kara had any sense of her environment, she was on a veryuncomfortable surface, surrounded by shadows. One very particular shadow wasbent over her, touching her, making noises.

“Kara,Kara,” the shadow begged in Lena’s voice. “Kara, oh, please—please talkto me.”

Karablinked until the shadow resolved into a blurry, lumpy, red-faced version ofher girlfriend, who sobbed loudly and cupped Kara’s cheeks when she noticed herlooking.

Karatried to lick her lips. It didn’t quite seem to work, somehow. Lena ran herhands over and over Kara’s face, almost compulsively, wiping away sweat andwhatever else, smoothing out her hair. Kara fought to keep her eyes open.

Herfirst attempt at speech produced only a groan. She felt Lena’s tears drop ontoher suit. Second attempt was more successful.

“See?”Kara croaked. “I told you I was… allergic… to kale.”

Lenastared at her in terrible, frozen, weeping shock for one painful moment, and burstout laughing. “Damn, shit, hell and fuck!” she shouted. “You’renever eating anything but junk food ever again, are you?”

“Iwouldn’t say… nothing,” Kara offered, valiantly attempting aneyebrow wiggle, and Lena collapsed on top of her, laughter and tears intermingling,pressing salty kisses to her lips.

Asshe faded out of consciousness, one shining thought settled in Kara’s mind:

Nomore kale.

[mapled-penitentiary]

maverick to carole, september 1986

maverick probably said this at some point

[tser]

so I recently acquired a panther chameleon (found it crossing the road) and I was wondering if you knew anything about proper husbandry for chameleons, or if you knew of any resources for this sort of thing? I really want to take good care of him.

Wow, what a wild way to find a cham!

I’ll start out by saying chameleons are not considered easy to care for. They are far more delicate and sensitive than many common pet reptiles.

Also a disclaimer: I have not kept a cham in a long time, though both my wife and I have (separately) had them, and I have never personally kept a panther. Though I have kept up with their care info and available equipment out there, there are better people to ask than me. I’ll tag reptiblr in this so current cham owners can check my info, and I’ll link some resources at the bottom!

The first thing to do is to take the cham to a qualified reptile vet. Making sure the chameleon is healthy now will go a long way toward long term success. Since this cham has been out in the wild, do this as soon as possible. Get a fecal, as well as a generally wellness checkup.

Some things will vary based on the age of your chameleon. This information is for ADULT panther chameleons. Please do research if it’s a baby or a juvie on the differences.

Some basics:

Handling is very stressful to chameleons. Handle only when necessary. I know there a lot of people who handle their chams quite a bit, but it’s not in the cham’s best interest. A chameleon is a display animal.

Enclosure: Well ventilated is very important. Screen cages are necessary. The bare minimum is 24" by 24" by 48" high (2 feet by 2 feet by 4 feet high). You can use a ReptiBreeze X-Large for example. You can build an enclosure using PVC-coated, SS, or aluminum hardware cloth or fiberglass screen over a pvc pipe or other frame as well. (Do not use galvanized hardware cloth.) There is some danger to the nails of large chameleons like panthers in a screen cage, so a hardware cloth cage is a good choice. Adult male panthers get 18 inches long, and up to 20, so an adult male panther chameleon will require a larger homemade enclosure. 

Decor: Lots of branches and vines. There are flexible vines available as reptile decor which work well, as well as magnetic vines, and “trees” which are mounted on a base. You can use bamboo and other branches horizontally. Offer fake leaves and leafy vines as cover so that the chameleon will feel secure. You can also use a potted plant “tree” or use magnetic planters such as from Magnaturals to include live plants, which can help keep your humidity up. However, make sure they are organically grown (I suggest buying from a vivarium specific store), and that the soil they are planted in is also organic! Covering the substrate with large river pebbles or another barrier is a good idea. There are various ways to mount these vines and branches in the screen enclosure, such as plastic coated plant mounting wire, magnets, or zip-ties. Some people also use expanding foam (Great Stuff) to anchor stuff to the sides, but you will have to wait for it to cure up to a week, and you can’t re-position things later with this method.

You will need a digital thermometer, digital hygrometer, and a temp gun. Do not use analogue (dial) thermometers or hygrometers.

Heat: Provided by an overhead basking light in a wide 10″ dome fixture, on top of the enclosure, and be sure to use a thermostat! With sensitive animals like chameleons, an expensive, proportional thermostat such as a HerpStat is a safer choice than a cheap thermostat like a JumpStart, but it will work in the short term. You should also have a timer on the heat source for 10-12 hours. This can be a regular incandescent light bulb or incandescent bulb of the right wattage. This will depend on your ambient temps so it’s hard to say which you’ll need but you can probably go with a 40 or 60 watt. You can move the light further from the basking branch if it is too warm (mounting the fixture above the enclosure instead of setting it on top). The chameleon should have a branch at a slight angle under the heat source, and the temperature should be measured on this basking platform.  Make sure the chameleon can’t get too close to the bulb and burn itself. For an adult panther chameleon, this may be 6-8 inches from the bulb. The distance will depend on the strength of the bulb, the size of your cham, and your ambient temperature. The angle allows them to thermoregulate and choose how warm they want to be. The maximum temperature on the branch for the basking spot should be 85-90 degrees (not for baby/juvie panther chameleons!). The temperature will be cooler towards the bottom of the enclosure, and the ambient temperature should be 80 around the middle and 75 near the bottom. A temperature drop at night is desirable. A drop to 60-65 degrees is good (not below 50f). The enclosure should be entirely dark at night, do not use a night light. 

Light/UVB: The UVB light should be on top of the enclosure near the heat source, over branches allowing the chameleon to self-regulate, and on a timer like the heat bulb. You will need a long fluorescent ReptiSun 5.0 or 10.0, or an Arcadia 6% or 12%, replacing the bulb every 6 months. 

Humidity: Though Panther chameleons need very good ventilation, they also need moderately high humidity. This means you need to mist the enclosure with dechlorinated or distilled water at least twice daily. You should aim for roughly 70-80% humidity. It should dry to There will generally be a humidity gradient through the enclosure, dryer at the top and more humid lower in the enclosure, so the chameleon can self-regulate.

Water: Chameleons are notorious for not drinking from standing water (such as water dishes). Misting may or may not be adequate. Twice or more daily misting is recommended along with a secondary water source in the form of a dripper. There are commercial versions (like the ZooMed Little or Big Dripper or Magnaturals Magnetic Dripper), and many DIY guides online. It should drip onto a wide leaf (real or fake) that the chameleon can drink off of, and should drip for at least a couple hours per day. It may be a good idea to install an automated misting system such as a Mist King. In their wild habitat it rains off and on through the day. Some keepers recommend at least 15 or 20 minutes of misting total per day, or even more!

Food: Chameleons are insectivores who benefit from a wide variety of invertebrates in their diet. Panther chams can eat roaches, crickets, hornworms, silkworms, and locusts, with other insects like fatty waxworms occasionally. Adult panther chameleons eat every other day. Young chams will need to eat every day.

Supplements: Feeders should be dusted with proper supplements. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, chameleons can suffer from hypervitaminosis D. With a 5.0 or 6% UVB light, you should supplement calcium with D3 twice a month; if you are using a higher output UVB (10.0 or 12%) you may want to go down to once a month, but I suggest consulting a chameleon-saavy reptile vet, and checking out articles on the subject! Plain calcium (no D3) should be used at nearly every feeding that you are not using the calcium w/ D3 or multivitamin, and a multivitamin (without D3) two times a month. It is controversial but some evidence suggests at least some species of chameleon can’t convert beta carotene into vitamin A, meaning the supplement should have preformed vitamin A. Zoo Med Reptivite without D3 contains preformed vitamin A.

Feeding Dishes: Insects are typically fed in deep elevated dishes, as chameleons do not go down to the floor of their cage (a cham on the bottom of an enclosure is usually a sick cham), though some will go low enough to zot out of a dish set on the floor. Alternately, they can be fed from tongs. There are some great designs of elevated feeders out there now that make feeding chameleons so much easier, made from PVC or empty plastic bottles, DIY or purchased! I wish we’d had these around in the old days. Some examples are the Blinky Bugbar or Camo Grid Feeders. Here’s a DIY guide using a vinyl fencepost, and here’s a very economical DIY design from a small plastic jug. 

Resources:

Chameleon ForumsCham Heat Sources and Burns

Hopefully others will weigh in as well!

[plussizeblackweddingdressesdhh]

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[mikemortgage]

Auction of mayor’s stuff will get a surprise sequel

PHILADELPHIA — An estate sale at the home of polarizing former Mayor Frank Rizzo went like gangbusters over the weekend — and just after it wrapped up, an additional treasure trove of personal items was discovered in the attic, including phone numbers for Frank Sinatra and Richard Nixon, the agent in charge of the sale said Monday.

About 40,000 people came through the estate sale, which started Friday and wrapped up Sunday afternoon, said John Romani, who runs Sales by Helen with his mother.

Many were police officers and firefighters and ordinary citizens who came to pay their respects, to chat with Rizzo’s son Frank Rizzo Jr., and maybe leave with a trinket or two, he said. Photographs, sweat shirts, suit jackets and Christmas decorations all went.

“To a lot of people it was a pilgrimage, an opportunity to say goodbye one more time,” he said. Lots of selfies were taken in the bedroom, he said.

Top sellers were Rizzo’s single-digit license plate ($5,000) and Rolodex ($2,500), bought by the same man, who all told spent about $11,000, Romani said.

“They really wanted anything with his name on it,” he said. “If it had his name on it, it sold.”

A number of billy clubs were up for grabs and went for $1,250 to $1,500, but none was the one the tuxedo-clad Rizzo stuck into his cummerbund when he was police commissioner during a disturbance at a housing project in the 1960s, immortalized in a photo.

Rizzo’s wife, Carmella, died in July at age 101, and the family wanted to sell the house and clear it out.

Philadelphia has long tried to reconcile the complicated legacy of Rizzo, who served as mayor from 1972 to 1980 and died in 1991.

His friends, family and fans remember him as a devoted public servant unafraid to speak his mind. His detractors saw his police force as corrupt and brutal and said Rizzo alienated minorities both as police commissioner and mayor.

After the estate sale wrapped up Sunday, Romani said people going through the house stumbled upon about 20 boxes in the eaves of the attic, containing what Romani called a treasure trove: Rizzo’s gold watch, more Rolodexes (including one with Frank Sinatra’s number), his signed oath of office from 1971, his passports, a gun permit and an unopened box of cigarettes from Air Force One.

Also found was what Romani calls Rizzo’s “little black book.” The well-worn booklet has handwritten contact information that reads like a who’s who of the 1970s, including Richard Nixon’s phone number.

Romani estimates about 50 to 100 historically significant items were found after the sale wrapped up.

The priority now, he said, is selling the home in the city’s leafy Chestnut Hill section. It’s on the market for $1.695 million.

The newly discovered items and some of the pieces that didn’t get snapped up in the estate sale will now head to auction Jan. 29 at Uniques & Antiques in Aston, Pennsylvania, he said.

from Financial Post https://ift.tt/2KAojSf via IFTTT Blogger Mortgage Tumblr Mortgage Evernote Mortgage Wordpress Mortgage href="https://www.diigo.com/user/gelsi11">Diigo Mortgage

[mapled-penitentiary]

bradley isnt a demig-d but hes just fucked up enough with the amount of demig-ds around him that he knows everything

nat, daughter of ares is like "SHIT we cant let him know"

and rooster is like "boy do i have news for you."

just watched percy jackson the (bad) movies and the new series so obviously gotta put slider, ice, goose, and mav in that universe

AND just for plot i think this would be a very funny match up:

Slider - son of Zeus for funzies

Ice - Athena child (duh)

Mav - bro is a Ares kid thru and thru

Goose - giving Apollo ngl

ok this match up for funny haha plot rzns bc Slider and Mav but heads (one being the child of a competitive war god and the other the son of the god of Olympus making him big headed)

Ice ordering a son of zeus around is funny.

Goose there to balance out the amount of wounds slider and mav get to the ones healed works also bro sings like?! that makes sense

ice being strategic smart af? check. Mav betting Slider to try flying? Slider absolutely eating shit? check.

Slider carrying Mav into the air and then throwing him??? check check. no one ever messing with ice bc he will get payback? check!

[megamanx1994]

Xenoforce II Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Meet your Idol (Disclaimer!! I own nothing of XenoBlade Chronicles!) Kitty was taking me to a lab where her teacher was working. “Professor, Kitty is here,” said his assistant. “Good afternoon professor Freeman,” said Kitty. “Ah, Kitty, you’re early,” he said. He got a look at me. “Who’s your friend?” he asked.  “This is Michael, the inventor I told you about,” said Kitty, “One of the students of G.I.B.S.” “I’m doing a project on your movie magic,” I said. “Well, I’m gonna leave you two big brains to talk for a while,” said Kitty. “Wait a minute… Michael Morrison,” he said, “Now I remember you, you’re Stephen’s student.”  “Yes, yes I am,” I said.  “He tells me you’re a brilliant student, he also tells me you’re a workaholic,” said Professor Freeman. “True,” I said, “I do like to stay busy.” “Well staying busy won’t get you to much places,” he said, “You have to learn to take breaks in between work.” He noticed the headband in my hair. “I see you like to tinker with things,” he said. “Yes,” I said, “I use this to help me with some of my projects when I need extra hands.” “You should learn to not rely so heavily on your gifts,” said Professor Freeman, “It feels like you wear a mask when you’re out in public.” “He does have a point,” said Kitty, “Like me, I don’t need to use my magic all the time just because I have it. It does make things easy for me, but I don’t want my life being too easy.” “Oh,” I said. “Its not who you are under the mask,” said Kitty, “It’s the things you do that define you.” “Andrew, your lunch is ready,” said someone. It was a woman. “Oh, careful Dear,” he said as he helped her down the stairs. “Hello,” I said.  “This is my wife Audrey,” said Professor Freeman, “Audrey this is Michael, the student who tends to keep himself busy to the point of all work and no play.” “Even scientists need their time to have fun,” said Audrey, “Kitty says your friends made you take a day off.” “True,” I said.  “How’s the baby?” asked Professor Freeman. “She’s nice and healthy,” said Audrey. “Oh I forgot she’s pregnant,” said Kitty. I got a look at his workshop. “So is this what you’re working on?” I asked.  “Yes, I’m planning on doing a demonstration on how to bring movie magic to life with the different kinds of special effects,” said Professor Freeman. I took a look at the equipment he was using. “The only thing I don’t have is something to make the magic real,” he said. “Well, the digital headband could be reprogrammed or remade to work with this camera,” I said, “While the wires and stuff and being used the magic can appear on the projection screen.” “No wonder you’re so brilliant,” he said. “Well, some good does come from tinkering,” I said. I imagined wings on my back. “Wow,” said Kitty. “You think that’s cool, wait til you see this,” I said. I got out my Omniwrench. “It’s the perfect tool for any job.  “And its just the thing I was looking for,” said someone, “Pardon me, I hope I’m not interrupting.” It was Mumkhar. “Fredrick Mumkhar,” said Audrey, “What a surprise.” “With some improvement, your Omniwrench could be revolutionary,” said Mumkhar, “May I take a look?” He looked at it. “Amazing,” he said, “I would like to have your wrench in my corporation.” “What?” I asked. Kitty wasn’t really sure about it. “Mr. Mumkhar is right,” said Professor Freeman, “Your onmiwrench is an amazing piece of technology. You can continue to use it, or sell it to a man only guided by money.” “Andrew I know you don’t think I’m a good man, but….” Said Mumkhar. “The choice is yours Michal,” he said, “But you should know that Mumkhar is one of those greedy types who would use something for his own benefit.” “Michael, I’m offering you more money than anyone could dream of.” I thought for a moment. “I appreciate the offer, but its not for sale,” I said. “To each their own,” said Mumkhar, “Anyways, I figured you would like this.” He had a box with a small robot inside of it. “Something happened in the shop and created this defect,” he said, “I figured you would have use for it. As you were.” He gave back my Omniwrench. “You made the right choice Michael,” said Professor Freeman, “Actually… how would you like to be my assistant at the expo tomorrow?” I was happy. “I’d love it!” I said. Later I was working with the professor and he was telling me where to put things. “So if I plug this into the screen,” I said as I plugged it in. The TV came on and showed the motion capture sequence. “Wow,” I said, “Where did you get ideas for this?” “My wife,” he said. “She is a nice person,” I said. “I met her in one of my college classes, and afterwards, our love started to grow stronger,” said Professor Freeman, “I’m definitely lucky to have her.” I saw a picture of him and his wife and son. “That’s my son, Ness,” he said, “An amazing paintball athlete. But enough about my love life, what’s going on between you and Kitty?” “Nothing,” I said. “Are you sure?” he asked. “I’m too busy to be in a relationship,” I said, “Besides I’m not sure if Kitty would settle for a guy like me.” “Why not?” he asked, “You’re an amazing student, although you do tend to be a workaholic.” “Exactly,” I said, “Kitty on the other hand has a great future in store for her. She’s a remarkable woman, she’s a valued friend, she’s….” He was smirking. “….Standing right behind me isn’t she?” I asked. (To the 4th wall) Yep, she was. “Don’t let that stop you,” she said, “Keep digging.” She gave me tickets to a magic show coming up. “Its tonight at 8 pm,” said Kitty, “You’re not too busy are you?” Anela tapped on the window giving me a thumbs up. “Nope, I can come,” I said. “Great,” said Kitty, “And don’t worry about being early, we start late sometimes.” “Ok,” I said. Later I was getting ready for the magic show coming up. “Someone has some plans tonight,” said Anela. “Yep,” I said, “Kitty invited me to a magic show.” Have fun dude,” said Bryan. I got on my hand made moped and started heading there. “Maybe the professor was right,” I said, “I should learn to relax more often.” I smiled to myself. Kitty was doing some final preparations for the show. Little did she know, someone was planning a sabotage. I suddenly had a vision of a truck heading straight for me with no regard for safety. I did a quick flip taking my moped with me and rode on the top of the motorcycle and then landed. “That was amazing,” said someone, “How’d you do that?!” “I guess it came from my workout and such,” I said, “Eating the leafy greens.” (To the 4th wall) Remember kids, always eat your vegetables. They may taste gross, but they’ll make you strong like Popeye. I got out my communicator. “Guys, we got a problem.” The truck was running through other cars. “Say hello to Xord!” he shouted as he laughed maniacally. One car was pushed out the way and almost hit some bystanders. Bryan caught it. “Run!” he said. They all managed to escape. They then saw me. “Go Xenoblade, go!” said someone. I was riding on my hover board following the car. “Anela, give me an analysis,” I said. “It turns out that this guy is apparently carrying some stolen material from a corporation.” “So what do we do?” asked Micah. “Micah, you’re with me,” I said, “We’ll try and flank him. Bryan and Ej you take the left and Maddi and Denise will take the right. Let’s lock and load!” I zoomed in to the car and tried to reach the lock. “Bryan, I’m gonna push the stolen parts to you, got it?” I asked. “Got it,” said Bryan. “Maddi, when I give you the signal, shoot a paintball at the car to get him to stop, and Denise, distract him!” I said. “Aye, aye captain,” she said. She sped up to the driver’s side of the car and knocked. “Hi, my name’s Cybercop,” she said, “Call me speed demon, flash jr, but don’t call me late.” Xord punched her and she dodged. “Not a shaker,” she said, “Hugger?” “I’m a killer!” he said. He got a gun and almost shot her. “Well, he’s pissed!” said Denise. I was busy pushing the stolen parts to Bryan and he caught them. “Ok, that’s the last one!” I said, “Time to put the breaks on this thing. Maddi, now!” She shot a paintball on the wheels. “Nooooo!!” he said. I was about to imagine a rope to stop the truck, but my headband wouldn’t work. “Ok, time to improvise,” I said, “Micah!” “On it,” she said. She made a wall and the truck crashed into it. “Cancelled?” asked Kitty worried. Her mentor showed up. “I’m afraid so,” he said, “Looks like that saboteur struck again.” “Man, I was really wanting Michael to see this,” said Kitty. “Who’s Michael?” asked her mentor. “This boy I met at school,” said Kitty, “He’s a cool guy.” She texted me that the show was canceled. Later the police showed up to arrest Xord. “Thank you XenoBlade,” said an officer, “You’ve done it again.” “Just doin’ my job,” I said, “But its my team you should be thanking.” “Is your mask made of magic?” asked another officer. “Maybe,” I said, “Ask the author of this book, he made it.” Anela was looking at the stolen parts. “Looks like they belong to Nuts and Bolts Corporation,” she said. “The place that Mumkhar was running?” I asked. “No, the pickle convention,” said Anela, “What else?” “Damn,” I said. “Hey, let’s try to watch the language,” said Micah, “Bryan’s present.” “Are you serious?” asked Bryan. I looked at my watch. “I still got time!” I said, “Guys I need to go.” I rushed to the theatre where the show was being held at. “What the….” I said. I saw a sign that said the show was post poned due to sabotage. “Michael?” asked Kitty. “Oh, hey Kitty,” I said. “I sent you a text saying it was cancelled,” said Kitty, “You probably haven’t gotten it.” “Yeah,” I said, “I was doing something.” “I’m sorry you had to go through all that trouble,” she said smiling. Her mentor came out. “Is this the Michael you told me about?” he asked. “Yes, yes I am,” I said. “My name’s Tripp,” he said as he shook my hand, “I’m Kitty’s older brother and guardian.” “Guardian?” I asked. “Yeah, I never knew my parents,” said Kitty, “Tripp brought me up. He’s been my mother my whole life.” “Hey!” said Tripp. I laughed. “Ok, my father,” she corrected herself, “My father, my uncle, my brother, everybody.” I smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet me sir,” I said, “…I mean a pleasure to meet you.” I chuckled. “Dinner,” Tripp whispered into Kitty’s ear. “Do you eat?” she asked. “Yeah,” I said. “Wanna meet for dinner?” she asked. “Sure,” I said. “Tomorrow,” Tripp whispered. “Tonight?” she asked. “Oh, ok,” I said, “Sure.” “Is 7:00 ok?” she asked. “Meet us here,” said Tripp. “Great,” I said, “Bye.” I started heading home. “Bye,” she said. “What would you do without me?” asked Tripp. “I’d like to give it a shot and find out,” said Kitty. I was walking home. (To the 4th wall) Los Angeles is my responsibility. Its home to me, and after the last story I had, I realized that this is who I am now, whether I like it or not. Which I do, very much. And these people, they admire us. They look up into the sky and they see me. But its not actually me they see because my face is covered within a mask. Its probably for the best though. Because knowing that the fate of the world rests on a couple of 14 year old kids from Los Angeles sounds as scary as it feels. But hey, no pressure right?

[johnhardinsawyer]

The Politics of the Kingdom

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

3 / 25 / 18 – Palm/Passion Sunday

 Mark 11:1-11

Isaiah 50:4-9a

Philippians 2:5-11

 “The Politics of the Kingdom” (Using Jesus, and Other Mistakes)

 A little over a week from now will mark the fiftieth anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s assassination in Memphis.  Over the past five decades, Dr. King has achieved an almost saint-like status for some. In a 2011 poll that was taken by the Gallup organization, 94% of respondents had a favorable view of Dr. King.[1]  I was surprised to learn, though, that Dr. King was not nearly this popular when he was alive.  

In the years leading up to his assassination, the preacher and civil rights activist was less popular than ever. A 1966 Gallup poll found that almost two-thirds of Americans had an unfavorable opinion of Dr. King and a third had a positive opinion.[2]

If you learn about some of the things that Dr. King said and did that didn’t involve the beautiful phrase “I have a dream,” you might start to understand why he wasn’t all that popular.  When he started talking about racism, segregation, and housing in the North, and poverty and economic justice, and the war in Vietnam, and “restructuring American society,”[3] it was clear that King’s dream of a different kind of Kingdom was ruffling the feathers of all kinds of people and his popularity dropped – both in the white community and the black community.  “I Have a Dream is so nice,” people thought, “but all that other stuff is too political.”

Hmmmm. . . political.  This is a word that really gets people going, isn’t it?  I don’t know how many times in recent months I have heard one person or another talking about how they don’t want politics in their football or their food choices, their hobbies or their habits, their awards shows or their gun shows, the rhetoric they hear or the religion they espouse.  If you take the word “politics” back to its root in the Greek, you get the word polis, which means city or state[4] or nation.  Anyone who lives in a polis tends to have opinions about what would make that polis a better place to live.  The only trouble is, all those who are seeking the well-being of their polis rarely agree on what would make that polis better.  I guess this is where politics – the process of “making decisions that apply to members of a group”[5] – becomes partisan.  People choose sides, thinking that that their opinions about the polis are the only ones that make sense to them.  And they don’t want to recognize that what’s best for everyone in the polis might look different from how they feel things should be.

Jesus lived in politically divided times.  Around the time of Jesus’ birth, the Romans moved in to stay and became the main governing and occupying force.[6]  By the time Jesus was an adult, the Roman empire had been involved in the politics of Judea for decades.  This was not the first time the descendants of Abraham had been conquered by one group or another.  Empire after empire had invaded the land, laying waste and laying claim.  The Assyrians, the Babylonians, the Persians, and the Greeks, had all left their mark over the centuries – and sometimes that mark was quite bloody.  Now the Romans were in charge.  They put puppet rulers on the throne – the Herodians – but it was clear that Rome held all the real power.  And the people who lived in the land had to choose:  would they go along with the empire who had conquered them, or would they resist?

In Jesus’ day, even though Rome held almost all of the power, there were different groups squabbling over whatever little power was left.  This was especially true in the Jewish religion.  As shocking as it may sound, there are times when the politics of power are mixed with religion, and vice-versa.  As we learned in our Wednesday night Bible Study a few weeks ago, in the Jewish religion, the Pharisees were concerned with following the Law of Moses, the Sadducees were concerned with sacrificing things in the Temple, the Essenes thought that the Pharisees and Sadducees were impure, so they went out to the desert to get away from it all.  To top it all off, there was a growing number of people who were thinking revolutionary thoughts of somehow rising up against the Romans.  Things were quite complicated and volatile.

And then, Jesus came onto the scene.  And everywhere he went, he was interacting with people of different religious backgrounds, and different political leanings, different levels of purity and different races.  He didn’t make things easy for himself when he healed a Roman Centurion’s servant, and talked with women and men who were not Jewish, and mixed it up with the Pharisees and Sadducees.[7]  Different groups tried to test him to see whose side he was on.  The scribes and Pharisees were especially persistent, asking Jesus why he was eating with sinners, and tax collectors, and other undesirables.  It seemed, that if Jesus sided with anyone at all, it was with the people who had no power at all – the poor, the outcast, the sick, the sinners, and the children. In the Kingdom of God, the lowest and the least and the last are the ones God prefers.  Answers like these didn’t satisfy the Pharisees so they went out, pretty early on, and conspired with the Herodians – the Jews who were allied with the Romans – to destroy Jesus.  This is just one example of how political things were for Jesus.  But, when he rode into the city of Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, things got really political.

In Mark’s version of the Palm Sunday story, the people use “cloaks” and “leafy branches”  (Mark 11:8)  instead of palm branches, but this scene of Jesus riding a colt into the city of Jerusalem with people laying down their cloaks and waving branches was a symbolic recreation of triumphant parades from the past.  Symbols like this can carry a lot of emotional and historical weight.  

There was this one time – a couple of hundred years before Jesus – when the city of Jerusalem had been conquered by the Greeks and was being held by the Seleucids – a group of people who had burned all of the copies of the Hebrew scriptures that they could find.  Times were tough for the children of Israel.  But then, the Maccabees, a Jewish family, led a revolt that made it all the way to Jerusalem. They took most of the city from the Seleucids and laid siege to a fortress where the last of their enemies were hiding.  Finally, when the fortress fell, they went in “. . .with praise and palm branches, and with harps and cymbals and stringed instruments, and with hymns and songs, because a great enemy had been crushed and removed from Israel.”  (1 Maccabees 13:51)  Years later, when people saw Jesus – someone from the household of King David, someone who had been talking about the “Kingdom of God,” someone who had enough of a following to actually do something dramatic – riding into the city, in full view of all of the parties and groups who wanted a piece of him, there were likely some in that crowd who knew their history, and thought about the “great enemy,” the Romans, and waved their palm branches with revolution on their minds. A palm branch is a symbol loaded with meaning.  Perhaps, you might be able to think of other symbols like this – both positive and negative.

You see how political things were for Jesus?  He had some influence with the people who followed him and could have claimed power with that influence.  But he didn’t. . .  at least not like everyone else wanted him to.

Many of the people who waved branches and cheered for Jesus could only guess what was on his mind as he rode down the steep slope of the Mount of Olives and up into the city of Jerusalem.  Just so you know the road down the Mount of Olives is very steep and I don’t think we give Jesus enough credit on his colt-riding skills, especially since he was riding a “colt that [had] never been ridden.” (Mark 11:2)  Reading Mark’s account, we don’t know if Jesus was happy about all of the cheering, we just know that he rode into the city, went into the temple, looked around at everything and went back out to Bethany (probably to return the colt that he borrowed).  Nowhere do we read that Jesus met with this group or that group – that he tried to curry favor or play politics.  There were those who had revolution, or the Law, or the Romans, or human political power on their minds, but Jesus had the Kingdom of God on his mind.

It should be noted that in the Bible, the word polis is used to talk about human cities and nations, but it is also used to talk about the heavenly city, the New Jerusalem.  At the end of the Book of Revelation, we see this Holy Polis[8] “coming down out of heaven from God.” (Revelation 21:2)  The holy city of the Kingdom of God is a place where every tear will be wiped away, where death and mourning and pain will be no more, a place where wholeness and peace and praise will be known by all, and where everyone will dwell fully in the presence of God.  In his earthly ministry – in the ways that he taught and preached and healed – with his very presence among all those who needed him, Jesus sought to create this Kingdom and bring it near.  And in his dying and rising, Jesus brings this Kingdom into full view.  This Kingdom is unlike any other.  It is a Kingdom of grace, made perfect in weakness and vulnerability.[9]

The prophet Isaiah writes about a suffering servant who listens to God, is not rebellious, and doesn’t turn back.  This servant is one who is struck on the face and is insulted and spat upon, and yet he keeps going.  Isaiah uses the image of a “face like flint” (Isaiah 50:7), the face of someone who appears hard and determined.  But if flint is struck in just the right place, the stone will chip, revealing just how vulnerable it can be.  The same can be said of Jesus, who had warned his disciples that the “Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, [rejected by all of the parties and power-brokers in the polis] and be killed, and after three days rise again.” (Mark 8:31)

Jesus Christ “humbled himself and become obedient to the point of death – even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:8)  The cross is a symbol full of meaning because it is the place where the life of God brings an end to death, where God’s love is shown in all of its fullness, where a vulnerable God – a crucified God – shows true and gracious power.  It would seem that Jesus has an agenda all his own – one that so many did not understand, but one that applies to everyone in the human family.  And throughout the gospels, Jesus calls his followers to take up their crosses and follow him.

To follow Jesus does not mean that we will always join a joyous parade.  Sometimes, the march is full of hardship and tears.  But if we are striving for the Kingdom of God, the way is blessed because we have One who goes before us – One who has shown us the way, the truth, and the life.

The way of Jesus is one of non-violence – putting down our swords – of humility and healing, of peace and wholeness.  The truth of Jesus is that he came as a teacher and shows us – in his life and example – how to love and forgive.  The life of Jesus is abundant and full and everlasting.  It is a life that is always seeking, striving, and working for the Kingdom of God, both in the here-and-now and in the yet-to-come.

This is a Kingdom, that we see in the presence and person and humble power of Jesus Christ.  May we seek this Kingdom above all others.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

------

[1] http://news.gallup.com/poll/149201/Americans-Divided-Whether-King-Dream-Realized.aspx?utm_source=alert&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=syndication&utm_content=plaintextlink&utm_term=Politics.

[2] http://www.newsweek.com/martin-luther-king-jr-was-not-always-popular-back-day-780387.

[3] Trailer for King in the Wilderness, documentary – 0:30.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVGRg89DbyM.

[4] Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon (Chicago:  University of Chicago Press, 1979) 685.

[5] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics.

[6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judea_(Roman_province).

[7] Luke 7:1-10 (also Matthew 8:5-13), Mark 7:24-30, John 4, Mark 12:18.

[8] Nestle-Aland, ed. Novum Testamentum Graece (Stuttgart:  Deutsche Bibelgesellshaft, 1993) 675 – “hagian polin”.

[9] 2 Corinthians 12:8-10.

[mapled-penitentiary]

religon (hangster)

rooster was born and raised in the mitchell-kazansky house. its- eccentric, to say the least. there are notes scrawled over the table reminding maverick of his meetings. ice's shoes are lined straight near the door. its controlled chaos.

but when hangman first walks into the home, it isnt these small, minute details that jump out at him. its bradley's fingers brushing across a small mezuzah on the doorway to the house. he pays no mind. if theyre jewish, thats fine by him. it remains in the back of his mind until he comes back to the house a second time, and he spots the golden cross necklace on one of the windows. it takes him by suprise.

back in texas, the cross adorned every wall. a grey one stood above his bed, its shadow landing on jakes body as he slept in his bed. it reflected from his mothers neck as her words of poison spit out, and stayed in the background, silently surveying the scene as jake seresin ran away from his father, begging for him to stop.

here, though, in this house, it just calmly rests. it watches over the little family from its place hanging on the window.

when he stays for dinner the first time, he expects there to be prayers. there is none. he isn't unsettled, though. it just seems normal.

months pass, and slowly, jake takes up the customs that bradley does whenever he goes the the mitchell-kazansky house. he taps the mezuzah, and puts on the small kippah when he's invited to shabbos.

in the background watches the small golden cross, gleaming in the pale sunbeams that filter through the windows.

for the first time in how many years, he doesn't feel like a sinner. maybe not a saint, sure, but he knows he can turn his back to the small golden cross and just like the mezuzah, it will protect him.