#lea's random thoughts

[kamil-a]

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

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🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

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🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

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🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

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🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

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🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

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🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

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🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

[thatboleyngirl77]

By now I'm sure we've all heard the song Cinderella Snapped. You know:

"Rapunzel shaved her head so there was nothing to climb on,

Jasmine made out with Mulan," etc.

That second line is fine...

Until you remember that they shared the same singing voice actress.

Am I the only one who finds that weird?

Lea Salonga, you icon.

[newvision]

one time a girl came into the bookstore I work at, bought a book I love and told me I am “absolutely beautiful”. she came in again today and bought another of my absolute favourite books and we talked about it. Is this what the kids call queer joy because I feel queer and joyful

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

Will there be another part to your cult Steve x reader fic

most likely not since i practically never write sequels. but if you have an idea for how it could continue or a scenario in the same au, then feel free to send them my way! 

[itneverendshere]

read between the lines - r.c (+18)

pairing: kelce's sister x hockey!rafe warnings: steamy, but no smut; yearning; friends to fwb (requested).

You were doing everything you could to pretend it never happened. 

There was no way you had completely fallen apart on Rafe Cameron’s thigh, right there in a fucking hallway, you hadn’t let him talk you through it, moaned his name like a whore.

You hadn’t seen him since that night.

You caught glimpses—across the rink when Kelce asked you to drop your class notes in the locker room; in the dining hall; in passing on campus. You never let your eyes linger for longer than two seconds, afraid that looking would mean acknowledging, which would mean feeling.

And you could not afford that. So, you avoided.

You ignored his texts. The first few were easy—just casual shit, acting nothing had happened which just gave you even more whiplash.

Rafe: You coming to practice? Rafe: Why the fuck is Mac playing first line? He’s trash. Rafe: You got my charger?

Normal. Fine.But then—

Rafe: Are we okay? Rafe: You ignoring me? Rafe: Princess.

That was the one that had you turning your phone face down, staring at the wall, your stomach twisting into stupid little knots.

You had liked Rafe Cameron since you were twelve years old.

He was your childhood friend, your brother’s best friend, the one who tied your skates when you were too little to do it yourself. He gave you your first sip of beer even thought you’re practically the same age, let you cry into his hoodie when you bombed your first big test.

This wasn’t some random hook-up. It was him. You overthought it.

Kie was mid-sentence when you saw him from across the street, standing with a few of the guys from the team, laughing about something. Your brain should’ve gone straight to panic, to run, to hide, but all you could do was look.

His stupidly perfect face tilted slightly up, light eyes squinting in the late afternoon sun. His smile, wide and easy, dimples popping, that natural, effortless charm radiating off him.

It wasn’t fair.

Why did he have to look like that? Why did he have to smile like that—like he didn’t have a single thought in his head, like he hadn’t completely wrecked you in the middle of a hallway and then proceeded to haunt you for four fucking days?

Then—

“Oh, look, it’s Rafe!” Kie said, already raising a hand like she was about to call him over.

Fuck.

You didn’t even think, your reflexes were fast.

Your hand flew out, clamping over her mouth before she could even think about calling him. She let out a muffled yelp, arms flailing, eyes going wide, but you were already dragging her the other way, you didn’t stop until you were out of sight. Only then did you finally release her, pressing yourself against the wall and trying to get your breathing under control.

Kie ripped your hand off her mouth, eyes bugging. “Girl, what the fuck was that?!”

You swallowed hard, your brain panicking— “Nothing,” you croaked.

Kie blinked. “Ohhh, no. No, no, no—that was not nothing.”

She narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms.

“Did you fuck Rafe?”

Your soul left your body.

“What? No—Kie, what the hell—”

“Then what was that?” She gestured wildly back toward the street. “Why are you acting like he’s Michael Myers?” She squinted at you, analyzing you. “You saw him and ran like he was about to shank you.”

You hesitated. What were you supposed to say? Oh, yeah, I dry-humped my childhood friend in a hallway until I fucking came on his thigh and now I think I might be in love with him, but I can’t deal with that, so I’m just pretending he doesn’t exist?

No, absolutely not.

“I just—I don’t wanna deal with his bullshit today,” you said, forcing a scoff. “You know how he is.”

“Uh-huh. And what bullshit would that be?”

You scoffed. “The usual.”

She hummed, clearly suspicious, but after a moment, she just sighed, shaking her head, “I don’t even wanna know.”

Kie started walking again, and you followed, pretending everything was fine, your heart was still about to leap from your ass, from the fact that before you’d run—before the panic—You’d wanted to cross the street.

You were losing your mind. Every time your phone buzzed, your stomach clenched. If you saw a blond head in the crowd, you went into full fight-or-flight mode. Every time someone so much as mentioned his name, your brain died.

You missed him, which was fucking ridiculous.

You didn’t miss Rafe, your more or less missed the idea of Rafe. The way things used to be. How easy it was before—when he was just your brother’s best friend, your childhood friend, the hockey captain and campus menace who called you his girlfriend as a joke. Not someone who’d kissed you like he was starving or made you orgasm.

It didn’t matter, you weren’t thinking about it, it wasn’t real and it was never happening again.

You were so caught up in your downward spiral that you didn’t hear your brother speaking.

“Dude.”

You blinked, realizing you’d been staring at your phone for a solid minute without actually seeing anything.

“Huh?” you said, “What?”

Kelce raised an eyebrow, his mouth curling. “I haven’t seen you in like a week. You on some self-imposed exile or shit?”

He was so good at reading you. You were stuffing your face with food, “I’m busy, Kelce.”

“Sure, sure. Busy.” He grinned, “You’re too busy to talk to anyone, but not too busy to binge-watch trashy reality shows at 2 AM.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Must be some real important work going on.”

You could feel your face heat up, suppressing the urge to smack him upside the head like your mom used to. “Shut up. It’s not like I’m getting nothing done, okay?”

Kelce snorted, “Uh-huh. So you’re avoiding me and acting weird because of midterms, huh? Got it. You're pulling a full-on ghosting move on your older brother, huh? Can’t even get a text back. Nice.”

“Dude,” you muttered, shaking your head. “You know that’s not why.”

Kelce raised his eyebrows. “You just enjoy being super sketchy for fun now?” He tapped his chin like he was solving some big mystery.

You poked at your food like it was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

He took a bite of his sandwich, then casually said, “Oh, by the way, Cameron asked about you the other day.”

Your fork froze mid-air, and your stomach did that sudden flip like you’d been caught in a lie. You looked up at him with wide eyes, way too startled by the words.

“What?”

“He was asking if you were okay. ‘Is she alright? Been avoiding me.’” He mimicked Rafe’s voice in a perfect, exaggerated tone. “‘Is she mad at me?’”

Did he really ask about you?

You tried to keep your voice from shaking, “Why would he be asking about me?”

“You tell me.”

The big brother look. The “I know all your secrets and will drag them out of you by sheer force of will look.”

You played dumb. 

“How the fuck would I know?” you said, stabbing at your food. “He’s just being weird.”

Kelce huffed out a laugh.

“Rafe Cameron, king of emotional repression, suddenly real concerned about your well-being for no reason.” He took another bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully. “Makes total sense.”

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe he just—”

Kelce cut you off. “Did something happen?”

You forced yourself to scoff. “No.”

He tilted his head. “You sure? Because, if something did happen, and you need me to handle it—”

Shit, the protective brother routine was worse than the interrogation. You could already picture it—Kelce storming across campus, making a scene. You had to shut this down immediately.

“No!” you blurted, probably too loud. “Kelce, Jesus. Nothing happened. I just—” You struggled for anything to say that would end this conversation. “I don’t know. 

You shoved another bite of food into your mouth to avoid talking. His eyes narrowed, brow furrowing, you could see the exact moment the thought crossed his mind, the way his whole face changed—hell no.

You froze mid-chew.

“Oh hell no,” His voice dropped, like he was speaking something unspeakable. “Did you fuck Rafe?”

You choked, violently choked. Had to slam your fist against your chest to clear your airway while your brother just sat there, eyes wide, horrified.

“No!” you coughed out, reaching blindly for your drink. “What the fuck, Kelce?”

His whole body slumped in relief. “Okay. Good.” He exhaled, dragging a hand down his face. “I was about to throw up. Like, actually, right here, in front of God and everybody.”

You rolled your eyes, but your heart was pounding. “You’re disgusting.”

“No, you’re disgusting for making me even think that was a possibility!” He shuddered dramatically. “Jesus Christ. I was gonna have to disown you. I can’t have my best friend and my sister—” He cut himself off, physically gagging. “No. Nope. I refuse, it’s bad enough that people already think you two are dating.”

You shoved another bite of food in your mouth so you wouldn’t have to respond. Because technically, you weren’t lying, it wasn’t sex-sex.

Your brother groaned. “Why do you look guilty? Why are you chewing like that? You’re chewing suspiciously.”

You glared. “How the fuck does someone chew suspiciously?”

“Like you have something to hide.” He leaned forward, eyes narrowing further. “What. Happened.”

“Nothing!”

He did not look convinced.

“This is why I don’t talk to you.”

“This is why I question you,” he shot back. “Because you’re being sketchy as fuck.” He paused. “Wait.”

You braced yourself.

“You did do something.” His face twisted in agony. “Oh my God.”

“No, I didn’t—”

Kelce groaned so loud people actually turned to look as he ran both hands over his face, trying to erase the images his brain was conjuring.

“Nope. I don’t wanna know. I actually don’t wanna know.” He stood up so fast his chair scraped against the floor. “You’re on your own. Talk to him."

"What?"

"Talk. To. Him," he repeated, enunciating each word like he was speaking to an illiterate child. "He’s been playing like shit, and it's your fault."

Your jaw dropped. "My fault?"

Kelce threw his hands up. "I don’t even wanna know what you guys do—" He gagged slightly, "Just fix him. I don’t care how." Then he pointed at you again, eyes squeezed shut, blocking out the mental horror movie playing in his head. "As a matter of fact, don’t tell me."

You had spent all night hyping yourself up for this. 

You had gone full motivational speaker in your dorm, pacing back and forth, rehearsed conversations in the mirror, mapped out every possible scenario, prepped yourself for all the ways this could go. You were not going to keep avoiding him. 

You were going to be a normal, functioning adult, walk up to him, and say… something. What you were going to say was still up for debate, but you were hoping divine inspiration would strike when the time came.

So when Kelce asked you to drop off his car keys in the team's locker room the next day, you figured—okay, maybe this was fate, the universe was giving you a chance to finally stop being a coward.

The door swung shut behind you, the heavy scent of cologne and sweat filling the air, but then you heard the door open again. Except the sound wasn’t coming from where you just walked in, it was coming from the showers.

Which meant— 

Fuck me sideways.

Rafe was fresh out of the steam, dripping wet, with nothing but a towel slung obscenely low on his hips. Water slid down the hard lines of his chest, down the ridges of his stomach, disappearing beneath the fabric, and—You had not rehearsed for this.

He froze mid-step, another towel in his hand, running the other through his damp hair. His gaze locked on you, and his brows furrowed, you stared at him, he stared at you.

Silence.

Open your mouth and say something, you freak.

You made a sound that was definitely not human, a squeak, maybe, because your brain was melting out of your ears.

Good start.

He took a step closer, his eyes dragging over you, making sure you were actually real.

"You—" He hesitated. "You’re here."

You swallowed hard, trying to remember how to function like a normal human being.

"Kelce’s keys," you blurted, holding them up like they were some kind of protective shield. "He—uh. He needed them. I was just—"

"You’ve been avoiding me."

He said it so bluntly, no lead-up, no pretense. 

You swallowed again. "I—"

Rafe raised an eyebrow, then—deliberately—he reached up, stretching slightly as he dried his hair with the towel in his hand, every muscle in his torso flexing, his abs shifting—Oh my God.

You snapped your eyes to the ceiling, hoping that staring at the water stains above would somehow erase the image now burned into your brain. "Put some clothes on."

He laughed, deep, smug, the kind that made you want to launch the keys directly at his stupid perfect face.

"What? Thought you weren’t looking at me."

"I’m not."

"Really?" He took a step closer, and your entire nervous system short-circuited. "You do sound kinda flustered.”

You could not do this, not in a locker room while he was half-naked and wet and smiling like that. You inhaled sharply, shoved the keys against his stupid bare chest wondering when you got so close, and immediately turned to flee.

"Wait."

His hand wrapped around your wrist before you even processed that he’d moved, "Talk to me."

You yanked at your wrist, but he didn’t let go. Your pulse was a thunderstorm in your ears. “Rafe.”

He just shook his head, water droplets falling from his damp hair, sliding down his neck. His fingers flexed around your wrist, thumb brushing over the skin there.

"You have been avoiding me,” he murmured, tilting his head, waiting for you to lie.

You inhaled sharply, straightening your spine. 

"No."

His lips twitched, you hated that he knew you were full of shit.

"Right." His voice was slow, “It was just a coincidence you suddenly stopped answering my texts? That you ran the second you saw me on the street? That you—” His voice dropped lower, taunting. “—look like you’re about to die just standing next to me?”

You clenched your jaw, even though you were one wrong look away from folding like a lawn chair. “Don’t be dramatic.”

Rafe’s lips parted, you thought he was gonna call you out again—but then, he hesitated, you were still close and neither of you were moving.

The stupid heat in the room was almost suffocating, and you couldn’t tell if it was because of the humid air clinging to his skin or the fact that you were losing a battle you swore you weren’t even fighting.

He exhaled through his nose, "Talk to me.”

That plea in his voice—you were going to jump him. How could you look him in the eye and tell him that he’d broken something open in you? That his hands on you had felt too good, that your name on his lips had made you want to do this every day? That you were terrified because this was Rafe, and it had never been like this before?

His body heat soaked into yours, you could smell the clean scent of his soap and the remnants of his cologne. Rafe could see it happening—your breathing, your eyes darting everywhere but at him, your lips parting like you wanted to say something but couldn’t.

You were freaking out.

His hands flexed at his sides, he wanted to touch you, but instead, he just said— “Nothing has to change, okay?”

Your breath caught.

“You don’t have to run from me,” he continued, “You don’t have to pretend like it didn’t happen, but—” His jaw tensed, struggling with his words. “If that’s what you need, I’ll do it.” He swallowed hard. “Just don’t—don’t shut me out, alrigh'?”

He was making it sound so easy.

It would be so simple to just nod, go along with it, pretend like nothing had changed between you, that things could go back to how they were before— you knew better. Because you’d felt it.

'Nothing has to change', liar, everything had already changed, and you both knew it.

You never felt so frustrated with yourself, with your inability to communicate what you were feeling. 

“C’mere,” he murmured, hands around you before you even had the chance to breathe, before your mind could catch up to what your body already knew—you needed this.

You hadn't realized it until then, but you had tears of frustration in your eyes as his hand slide gently around the back of your head.

His thumb brushed over the nape of your neck, voice softer than it had been before, “What’s wrong?”

Your throat tightened, words failing you, because how were you supposed to explain this? 

“I don’t know.”

You shouldn’t be here, letting him touch you like this. 

“Princess,” he murmured.

You squeezed your eyes shut. “Don’t—”

“Don’t what?” He was so close, his breath warm against your cheek. “Don’t touch you?” His fingers flexed, testing you, “Don’t look at you?” His free hand lifted, tracing the curve of your jaw, “Don’t tell you that you’ve been in my head every second since that night?”

He exhaled sharply, his forehead pressing against yours.

“I don’t know how to be normal about you.” His fingers tightened on your neck, “And I don’t fucking want to.”

Shit shit shit shit.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he confessed, “You’ve been avoiding me, but I can still feel you—” His lips ghosted over your temple, so light it made you shiver. “I can still hear you.”

Oh.

You clenched your fists at your sides, your nails digging into your palms.

“I can’t sleep,” he admitted. “I close my eyes and I see you—” His breath hitched. “I see you like you were that night.”

Your thighs clenched, and Rafe caught it, his lips curving against your skin.

“You feel it too,” he murmured. “Don’t you?”

You wanted to say no, laugh, roll your eyes, but then—his lips brushed your jaw, and the sound you made was fucking embarrassing.

Rafe groaned, the sound deep, “Say the word and I’ll back off.”

Say it. Say it. Say it.

He tilted his head pressing his lips to your temple in the softest kiss.

“Just talk to me. Tell me what you need.”

You should have pulled away.

You should have said something, but instead, your body moved on instinct, your hands sliding up his stomach, feeling the skin beneath your fingertips. His abs tensed beneath your touch, the way his breath stuttered.

His fingers tightened in your neck.

“Careful,” he breathed, and it sounded like both a warning and a prayer.

You should’ve stopped, taken a step back and gotten your shit together, this wasn’t what you were here for. But when you finally looked up at him, when you saw the way his lips were parted, the way his eyes were so open and waiting for you to do something, you knew you were completely, utterly fucked.

“I don’t know what I need.”

Rafe’s eyes dropped to your lips. “No?”

You were so gone.

Your breath hitched as his thumb traced slow circles on your neck, you tried to think past the horniness, past the way his bare chest was so close you could feel the warmth.

“I—” Your voice wavered, cracking and Rafe, the smug asshole, just smirked.

“You don’t know what you need,” he repeated, savoring the words, rolling them over his tongue. His thumb ghosted over your bottom lip, feather-light, and your entire body tensed. “Let me help."

Your breath was shaky, your pulse pounding so hard you could feel it in your fingertips, "We s-shouldn't do this.”

Rafe inhaled sharply through his nose, "I know.”

Neither of you moved, your fingers still pressed against his stomach.

Your throat was dry. "So...?"

His lips parted, his gaze flickering to your mouth again, “So.”

Your heartbeat was so loud it was drowning out all rational thoughts, but for some godforsaken reason, you decided that now was the time to pretend like you weren’t one wrong move away from losing your mind.

“Uh,” You cleared your throat. “H-how was practice?”

Rafe blinked. “Good.” A beat. “Yeah. Good.”

You nodded. “That’s… good.”

Another beat.

"Did you, uh… did you lift today?" you asked, because apparently your last two brain cells had given up.

Rafe exhaled sharply, he couldn’t believe this was happening. "Yeah."

You nodded again, staring at the very obvious definition of his abs, the evidence, before dragging your eyes back up.

"Cool," you said, voice about an octave too high.

Another pause.

Rafe squinted at you. "Did you just—" He huffed a disbelieving laugh. "Are we seriously talking about my workout right now?"

You swallowed. "I mean, I was just—"

"Jesus," he muttered, dragging a hand down his face. 

You were killing him, and yourself, and any chance of pretending like either of you had an ounce of self-control.

“Did you eat today?” you blurted, because you weren’t done being a fucking idiot.

You'd never felt this useless while talking to a man. Words usually came easy but now, when you needed them, they tangled on your tongue.

Men tripped over themselves for you, not the other way around. 

Rafe let out a sharp, incredulous laugh, his hand dropping from his face as he looked at you like you were insane. “Are you—are you asking me about my meals?”

Your cheeks burned. “I just—I was making conversation.”

Rafe stared at you for half a second. Then he let out a low chuckle, tilting his head back toward the ceiling like he was asking some higher power for strength, “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

His laugh was wrecked, frustrated. He took a step forward before he even realized he was doing it, his body moving on pure fucking instinct.

“Like you’re two seconds away from letting me ruin you.”

His hand shot up, fingers threading through your shoulders, yanking your head back just enough for him to see it. That look, the fucking look in your eyes that said you were just as far gone, dazed beyond logical thinking.

Then he kissed you.

Your hands fisted into his damp skin, and he groaned into your mouth, swallowing the sound, pressing himself harder against you, until your back hit the lockers with a clang.

You gasped, and he took the opportunity, tongue sliding against yours, deepening the kiss, hands roaming, taking.

His body caged yours in completely, the smell of him, the absolute need pouring off of him like he was burning alive. When you shifted, pressing yourself against him, feeling just how fucking hard he was, Rafe swore.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he gritted, forehead dropping against yours, his hands gripping your hips so hard he might leave bruises.

He moaned deep in his chest, vibrating through you, and when you tilted your head, letting him push deeper, letting him taste you properly, he swore again into your mouth. His hands gripped your waist, dragging you flush against him, until his rock-hard cock was pressing against your stomach through the towel barely hanging onto his hips.

You whimpered.

His tongue slid over yours, before pulling back just enough to let spit trail between your lips, his chest rising and falling in ragged gasps. Then—he was right back in it, licking into your mouth like he needed to be inside you, his teeth scraping your bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth, making your head spin.

You were soaked and all he did was kiss you.

Your fingers dug into his bare shoulders, nails raking against his toned skin as he tilted your head back further, palm pressed to your cheek, taking control, deepening the kiss until you were moaning into it, until your thighs were clenching, squeezing, rubbing together for even the slightest bit of friction.

He pulled back just enough to let his forehead fall against yours, breathless, shaking.

“Again,” His fingers flexed against you, physically restraining himself from tearing you apart. “Kiss me again.”

You didn’t even realize you were moving until your lips were back on his, until his mouth was parting against yours like he’d been starving for it. If you weren't so fucking gone you’d find it funny.

His towel slipped lower on his hips.

You gasped, but Rafe didn’t let you go. He deepened the kiss hoping he could erase anything that wasn’t him. His hands dragged over your skin, searing hot even through your clothes, sliding lower—

“Wait,” you managed, your breath shaky as you pulled back, hardly resisting the gravitational force of his body.

Rafe made a sound that was borderline pained, his fingers tightening around your waist before he forced himself to loosen his grip. His lips were swollen, slick, “What?”

“What if someone comes in?”

His hands were under your thighs, lifting you, your back hitting the lockers again but all you could focus on was him—his body caging you in, his hands clutching your thighs, holding you up like you weighed nothing, once again.

“Couldn’t give less than a fuck.”

He shifted, pressing forward, and you felt him—Oh, you missed him.

A choked sound left your throat, and Rafe grinned, his lips dragging down your jaw, his breath hot against your skin.

“Yeah?” he murmured, rolling his hips against you again, slow, “That feel good, princess?”

You wanted to slap him or cry, but you also wanted to grind down and take more. Your nails raked down his back in response, and Rafe whined, the sound going straight between your legs. 

Your breath hitched as his lips traced the line of your jaw, his tongue flicking out to taste your skin. "Rafe—"

Your voice wavered, but he only hummed in response, his teeth grazing your pulse point before pressing a slow, open-mouthed kiss there, pressing you harder against the locker.

You should stop.

"Fuck," you breathed, hating how weak you sounded.

He pulled back just enough to look at you, his pupils blown, his lips swollen. His thumb dragged along your jaw before tilting your chin up, forcing your gaze to his.

"We’re okay?” When you didn't respond, his lips brushed yours, the barest hint of a kiss. He tilted his head, his thumb grazing the edge of your bottom lip, watching—waiting. “Tell me.”

A slow, shuddering breath left you. “We’re okay,” you whispered.

“Yeah?” His lips brushed yours, a teasing promise of more. “You’re not gonna run this time?”

You let out a shaky exhale, your hands moving on instinct—fingertips brushing his jaw, tracing the curve of his lips. Rafe’s breathing was uneven, his lips parting at your touch like he was barely holding himself together.

“Tell me.”

Your fingers curled against his jawline, nails scraping lightly against his stubble, “Not running.”

His forehead pressed against yours, and you swore you could feel his heartbeat hammering against your ribs.

“I’d find you anyway.”

Once again: What the fuck have you gotten yourself into?

[starconstruction]

Would you be kind and write for aespa? I want to read how you will write a smut for Karina

Night Shift

Coworker Karina x Male Reader (Smut)

smut tags: oral, sweat, riding, creampie, slight fdom,

still not entirely in the mood for longer fics yet, but enjoy

Word Count: 1055, not proofread

The night shift was always quite boring, all there was to focus on was these few cameras, you never got to leave this booth. Full of random wires and screens, the AC got destroyed by the previous employee so the room was muggy and thick with heat.

You kicked your legs up, drinking your cup of water as you watched the cameras. There was 6 of them, three inside three outside.

The same set pieces you've seen before, god it was so mundane. You worked with one other employee, Karina. Honestly the one reason you hadn't gone nuts. The spunky girl who got the bigger end of the stick, being given permission to wonder outside atleast. She sauntered around the cameras. Knowing you could see her, her favourite things to do was shake her body around as she dramatically checked every blind spot.

Her teasing always had a strong effect on you feeling the fabric tighten against your shaft, admiring her complexion as the room got hotter, you couldn't deny she was smoking hot. Way out of your league, you'd do anything for a night with her.

Karina walked between zone and zone, smiling as the thoughts of your reactions filled her head. Maybe she could find a way inside to have some fun?

You were incredibly confused, sitting up in your chair as Karina disappeared from the cameras, frantically eyeing up the corners of the LED screens for the strange vixen.

The sound of the door opening up could be heard, a small clank but one you are well and truly accustomed to. You left your office, the entrance door fully open as Karina stood in front of you. "Kar-" You begun, her hand covering your mouth.

"Shhh, we have 20ish minutes till the system flags me being gone." Karina whispered, biting your ear lobe as you fell to the ground on your knees. "You are going to listen right? Don't want me to leave no?" She purred, you could only nod eagerly as her shorts fell down to the floor.

Karina's fleshy lips laid inches from your mouth, her inner thighs wet with a long day of work's sweat, you dove in like you were starved, which in the context of Karina was absolutely true. Licking up her slick as you kissed her folds.

"Hmm, so fucking desperate for me, isn't that right? Respond." She demanded, yanking you from her intoxicating body her tone rough and condescending.

"Y-Yes Karina. I'm so fucking desperate for this cunt.." You growled, diving right back in as you got pushed into the wall. Karina grinded against your face, covering your cheeks in a thick layer of sweat. The intensity of her scent made your head reel, musky and intense as you went lightheaded. Happily being buried in her sweaty smooth thighs.

"So eager, bet you wish you could do this daily for me, fuck!" Karina moaned out, hands fully pushing you into her crotch as you slurped on her clit, your entire body went hot as your tongue flicked against her bean. You fucking loved this, completely at every whim of the gorgeous woman. She had you completely figured out.

"How do I taste pretty boy? Respond." She moaned, giving you just enough space to talk but close enough for you to breath in more of her musk. "So good Karina, so fucking good."

You resumed, hands pressing into Karina's pillowy ass as you sucked more of her juice into your mouth, being rewarded with the sweetest moans like candy as she saturated your face. God Karina was perfect, her moans were completely broken at this point, a beautiful chorus of yes's and swears. Urging you on as you kept working on her cunt.

Work fell to the wayside, completely forgotten as Karina's pussy stayed against your mouth, "Fuck! I'm so close, make me cum on that pretty tongue!" Karina rasped, pressing you deeper into her sweat saturated thighs as you ate her intoxicating leaking hole. Giving you the ultimate prize as her thighs fully tightened around your head, messing up your face one more time as she painted you in a sinful mixture of sweat and slick, pulling away as you gasped.

"Good boy, so fucking eager and desperate." She purred, stroking your hair as she panted. You were in surprise at how fucking addicting she was, desperate to fuck her now.

"I know you want to fuck me against this very wall." She arched against the security room wall, giving you a view of her heavenly ass. "But, you have to wait pretty boy. I must report to my post, don't blow your load yet." And she left, leaving you with blue balls.

-

That was then, and this is now. Being rewarded with the highest luxury of them all, being buried firmly in Karina's warm cunt. Her body bouncing up and down against your crotch, hands giving support as she fucked you into the reclined chair.

You couldn't believe your luck, fucking your coworker and ending this monotonous job cycle. "Such a big dick pretty boy.." She complemented, pushing you further inside her tightness, squeezing the life out of you. She provided no time to relax, skin slapping as your cock penetrated her reddened pussy, which succumbed to your actions as much as you succumbed to her.

"Such a nice body, can't believe you never shot your shot pretty boy. Do I feel good? Respond." She choked out.

"Yess! Karina your so fucking tight!" You admitted, the words brought squeezes of Karina's walls to your length. The room reeked of a familiar sweat, completely coating both of your bodies as you stuck to your chair.

Karina's moans grew stronger, slapping against your crotch as she coaxed an orgasm out of you. If that's what her body wanted, that's what it was going to get. "Kar-rina! I'm going to cum!" You barely got out, words an obstacle to overcome as she sped up.

"Cum, pretty boy!" She demanded, pace sped up as you couldnt last any longer. Gladly firing ropes into her body, filling her with your semen. You felt dirty but proud, Karina got off you afterwards, smiling as you dripped out of her hole.

"Look at that, you are mine now.. Pretty boy."

All hers.

[lovebyhyun]

just friends?

genre : angst (happy ending), fluff, idol bsf!hyunjin x f!reader

synopsis : you’ve been in love with your best friend for years, but you’re still trying to figure out if the feelings are mutual.

warnings : swearing, jealousy, if i missed something lmk !

a/n : writing angst is way more fun that it should be so i hope yall enjoy it ! ⸜( ' ᵕ ' )⸝♡

masterlist

Being the best friend of a worldwide known and loved idol was not exactly easy. It was torture, in fact. Especially if you were a girl. More than that, a girl who was helplessly in love with him.

Hyunjin had his own way of charming everyone within a 100 meter radius of him and it be drove you fucking crazy.

It was daily life for him to be surrounded by female staff and women who worked for JYPE, but something about it always made you feel uneasy.

Before, you tried to ignore it. But now, after you realized how badly you wanted Hyunjin, you stopped rejecting the feelings. You let yourself be jealous, and you let yourself love him. A little too much for your own good.

Harsh reality hit you everytime you saw him with another girl. Whether she was his coworker or a random bimbo he flirted with at a party, it reminded you that you weren’t a married couple with 3 children. He was your friend. And that’s what you also were to him. Just a friend.

Hyunjin was very much oblivious to your feelings. So oblivious, he invited you everywhere he possibly could. Sometimes you even were in the studio while him and his other members were making their music.

But today, you were with him while he was getting ready for one of his shows on tour. It was close to your hometown, so he asked staff to give you a backstage pass.

At first, everything was normal and calm. Chatter and laughter filled the room where you, Hyunjin, the other members and a few staff were.

There were still a few hours left before the show started, so everyone was mainly chilling and nobody was in a rush. It was nice to finally spend some time with all of the boys in peace.

Time passed quickly, and everyone started getting ready to go on stage. The makeup artists walked into the room and set their stuff down, getting ready to work.

You sat on the couch, scrolling through your instagram feed, trying to ignore the cute girl doing Hyunjin’s makeup. You attempted to convince yourself that they’re both professionals and wouldn’t get into a workplace romance, but you still felt that unpleasant shiver creeping down your neck at the sight if him laughing with another girl.

And you couldn’t help it anymore. Tears started swelling in your eyes as you tried to keep yourself as composed as possible. Nothing was quite working. You rushed yourself to the bathroom, silently hoping that Hyunjin actually would notice your absence.

You locked yourself in one of the stalls, trying to keep your sobs as faint you could. And you waited. You didn’t know what exactly for. Maybe for Chan to come looking for you and asking if you’re here, maybe for staff to ask if you’re fine, but mostly you were hoping for your best friend to come in.

It couldn’t matter less if he was coming in to piss or to look for you, you just wanted to feel him. You wanted to feel his presence. Because after all, it was all you ever dreamed of. To wake up with him by your side, to share every moment of your life with him.

You wanted to laugh with him, to cry with him, make love to him, to fight with him just for one of you to admit that the other was right and apologize, you wanted all of Hyunjin to yourself.

And yet, here you were. Alone in a fucking bathroom. Nobody came. Not Chan, not staff and not Hyunjin.

“Such a crybaby and for what.” - you thought to yourself, more like a statement rather than a question, as you unlocked the door, walking out the stall to get blinded by the bright lights of the venue’s restroom as if you weren’t grounded enough already.

You came up to the sink, to wash your hands, to fix your hair, in general at least try to look pretty even though you knew you were slowky crumbling on the inside. Not slowly actually. You were falling apart.

You straighten out your clothes swiftly while you make your way back to the room where everyone was, and when you enter, Hyunjin flashes you a soft, genuine smile. It literally takes everything and more in you to not completely crash out right then and there.

The show was about to start in just 20 minutes, and as everyone was in the chaos of preparing to perform, you were finally left alone with Hyunjin who was all ready to go and do his very best on stage.

“Crazy day today isn’t it? Everyone is such a mess. I bet Chan is losing his mind.” - Hyunjin says with a grin on his face, trying to make small talk since something was obviously off with you.

And oh my god. He was so effortlessly beautiful and graceful in everything he did. It felt like the boy could pick his nose and he would still look like Michelangelo’s sculpture.

“Yeah, but I’m sure you’ll do great anyway.” - you reply quietly with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. You were avoiding his gaze as much as you could, because you knew that the second your eyes would lock, you would absolutely be ruined.

“Me, yes. those other idiots, we will see.” - he teasingly says, but the second he notices you not giggling at his remark, immediate worry flushes over him.

“Y/n, what’s the deal with you lately? I feel like you’ve been trying to distance yourself from me, and i can’t figure out why. Please, talk to me. You’re my best friend, I truly don’t want to lose you.” he adds after a second of thinking.

The pure honesty makes you freeze for a second. Not because of the way he was confronting you, it’s because it was true. You were isolating yourself from Hyunjin in hopes that would make your feelings go away. Newsflash: it didn’t.

As you finally gather uo the courage to look at him, it’s like you are hypnotised by him into telling the truth.

“That’s the thing Hyunjin. You’re my best friend. And I just can’t keep pretending I’m cool with that.”

You notice his gaze softening, but you see no hint understanding in his eyes. His face is one of pure confusion.

“Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you! Are you seriously that oblivious Hyunjin? Do you know how much it hurts me that we’re under the constant label of ‘just friends’?”

You knew your wirds might have been a little harsh, but it was too late to turn back now. It was either this, or running out of the room, crying and hoping you get hit by a golf cart on your way out.

His lips part, but he doesn’t speak. The phrase hit him like a train. I’m in love with you. Your voice echoing through his head in an endless loop. But he didn’t mind. He liked the way the words rolled of your tongue. Especially since you were speaking to him.

He just didn’t know how to tell you that.

“Y/n, I-“

His voice getting cut off by a loud yell coming from the leader of the group.

“OKAY EVERYONE, GATHER HERE. BEFORE SHOW MOTIVATION STARTS NOW!”

“Y/n, I promise I’ll talk to you after the show. I have to go.”

In that moment you felt like you’re about to explode. You just confessed your years long live for him and this is how he responds? Unacceptable. You could almost physically feel your blood starting to boil

“Hyunjin, are you seriou-”

Before you can finish your anger outburst caused sentece, his lips crash over yours in a deep, passionate but desperate kiss. And that’s all you needed to know that his feelings were there too. All along.

After a little, he pulls away slightly with his hands still cupping your soft face. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to. The silence speaks enough and it was all you wanted.

After a few more yells from Chan, Hyunjin blesses your plump, slightly swollen lips with a quick peck, whispering the three words you were so desperately longing to hear.

“I love you too, y/n.”

And he runs to his group, for a few final encouragement words before kicking off the stage. You knew this show was going to be good.

[cameronsprincess]

Pretty Blue Eyes — R.C

— summary: you see rafe at a party after he’d dumped you, and it hurts more than you thought it would.

— CW: 18+ only! angst, strong language, alcohol consumption, drunk!reader, hurt/no comfort.

— a/n: i’m so sorry. i love angst and when i’m sad, i have to make y’all sad too. this angst prompts list gave me ideas and i used dialogues 3, 14 and 20<3 likes, comments and reblogs are very appreciated <3

I never knew losing him would hurt so much. Losing the one person I’d spent the last six months of my life with.

Six months might not seem like much to some, I understand people have gone through greater losses. But I’d fallen in love with him. Fallen in love with all the meaningless words he’d said. Fallen in love with his scent, his touch, his pretty blue eyes.

But he never loved me. I was just a game. Something to use to pass the time. I boosted his ego, made him feel special. And all the while, he was using me. Playing me. Making me fall in love with him, just so he could break my heart. It was random, and very unexpected. Four words was all it took to shatter my heart into a million little pieces — “I never loved you.” is what he’d said.

To make matters worse? He’d told me this right after we’d had sex. I gave myself to him. My whole self. And he took. He took and took, but never gave. He took until there was nothing left for me to give. He owned my soul, my heart, my body. He owned me, but I never owned him.

That was three days ago. Three days of crying myself to sleep, three days of not eating and drinking myself to death. Three days since I’d seen his face. I’ve tried to avoid him, but I knew I’d see him again. We live on a small fucking island for Christs sake. And he’s everywhere. He’s very well known. There’s no escaping him. And tonight proves that. He’s here. His pretty blue eyes watching me from across the room. I wish I could show him I don’t care, that he didn’t rip my fucking heart out and stomp on it…

But I can’t. I still love him.

“Are you okay?”

My best friend, Ashlyn’s, voice pulls me from the darkness I’ve allowed myself to crawl into. I slowly turn to face her, light brown eyes filled with concern intensely stare back at me.

I put on my best fake smile. “Yeah. Fine, why?”

Lie. I’m not okay, and I don’t know if I ever will be. But I can’t admit that.

She frowns. “You’re not okay though, I can see it in your eyes. Do you wanna leave? We can lea-”

I quickly cut her off. “No, no. It’s fine. Let’s just go get another drink. I’m gonna need them if I’m going to last here all night.”

Her frown deepens, but she nods her head. I internally thank the Heavens that she dropped the subject. I don’t want to talk about Rafe and how he’d absolutely obliterated my heart.

She grabs my hand, lacing her fingers with mine before pulling me off to the kitchen, and out of the eyesight of the beautiful, blue eyed man I once had all to myself.

“I’m thinking shots of fireball. Shit will get you drunk so fast.”

I laugh. “The alcohol version of red hot gum, I’m down.”

Laughing at my lame attempt at a joke, she grips the neck of the bottle, grabbing two shot glasses next and filling them both to the rim. I quickly grab mine, tossing it back and swallowing the harsh amber liquid. A shiver wracks my body as the burning liquid makes its way down my throat.

I cough, placing my hand over my stomach. “Fuck, I forget how much that shit burns.”

Ashlyn chuckles. “Yeah. But that’s what makes it great. The burn of this can help erase the burn you feel from Rafe being a royal douche.”

I can’t help but laugh at that. She’s right. I prefer the burn of the liquor over the burn of Rafe and his heartbreaking words.

She quickly fills the shot glasses again, handing me mine and watching as I down the amber liquid once more.

I slam the shot glass back on the counter. “Another, please.”

She smiles widely. “Atta girl. You’ll forget about the smug bastard by the end of the night at this rate.”

***

Ashlyn was right. I was…. twenty shots in?? I don’t fucking know, I was drunk. And I wasn’t thinking about the pretty blue eyed man.

I’m about to take another shot when a voice I didn’t want to hear anytime soon has me dropping the glass on the floor, clear liquid spilling at my feet as the glass shatters — representing my heart because of him.

“Y/N… I think you should cut yourself off and go home.. I’ll take you.”

I snap my head in his direction, those damn pretty blue eyes staring down at me. Looking at me like I actually meant something to him. Lies. He doesn’t give a fuck. He just doesn’t want me embarrassing him tonight. Fuck him.

With shaky hands, I grab another glass from the counter, my eyes never leaving his. I reach out and find the tall, glass bottle of Tito’s, pouring myself another shot and then downing it with my eyes on his.

“Fuck you, Rafe.”

He sighs, setting his beer bottle on the counter and placing his hands on my shoulders. His blue eyes search my face.

“Y/N. Please, go home. You’re drunk, and you’re hurting.”

I roll my eyes and scoff. Fuck him for trying to pretend he cares. He doesn’t give a shit about me. And I’m done caring about him.

“Stop acting like you give a fuck about me, Rafe. You dumped me. So it’s done. I just want to get drunk, and fucking forget I ever loved you.”

He glances behind me, his eyes taking in everyone that’s watching us. “Hey, can we please go talk outside?”

I open my mouth to tell him to fuck off, but he grabs my hand, pulling me outside. I’m so drunk I can’t fight him off. He pulls me all the way down the stairs of the front porch and down the long driveway until we reach his truck.

He opens the passenger door, tossing me inside and slamming it shut behind him. My heavy eyes watch him round the front of the truck before he hops inside the driver seat. He pulls the keys out of his pocket, sticking them into the ignition and bringing the truck to life.

I cross my arms over my chest with a huff. “Where the fuck are you taking me, Rafe?”

He glances at me from the corner of his eye before placing them back on the road. “Home.” comes his clipped answer.

I lean my head against the window. Why does he do this? He left me. Why does he care if I’m drunk at a party or not? Why can’t he just leave me alone and let me heal?

The smell of leather and his cologne fills my nose. I feel the tears begin burning the backs of my eyes, and I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. I lift my head, turning my head to the side to look at him. He still looks so good, and it hurts. He has one hand firmly gripping the steering wheel and the other lays lazily in his lap.

He has on a tight baby blue polo, and khakis with a backwards hat on. I want him to kiss me, and tell me everything will be okay. Tell me that he made a mistake and he does love me. But I know that won’t happen. He meant what he said, and there’s no getting him back, no matter how badly I want him back.

A few minutes later, he’s pulling into the driveway of my parents house. He puts the truck in park and hops out, rounding the truck to my side and opening the door for me.

He reaches his hand out, and I take it. My heart pulls in my chest at the feel of his touch again. I miss him.

He helps me out of the truck, and walks me to the front door. I turn and face him, wanting to get some things off my chest before he goes.

“Why’d you do it?” I ask softly, tears stinging at my eyes and threatening to spill.

He sighs, and the look in his eyes hold slight regret. “I can’t answer that… I just, I didn’t want to be with you anymore. And I’m sorry I hurt you in the process, but I couldn’t pretend to love you when I didn’t.”

The first tear falls, and I blink rapidly, swiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I still don’t understand what I did wrong..”

He places a hand on my shoulder, and I can’t stop the sob that is pulled from me.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Y/N… I promise. I know this is so cliché, but it’s not you, it’s me. I just couldn’t commit.”

The tears are now flowing uncontrollably down my face and my body is shaking. I’m in pain. And he’s making it worse.

“I love you, Rafe. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m sorry.. I just can’t. You need to stop loving me.”

I choke out a sob. “I don’t want to love you anymore. But I do.”

He sighs, letting his head fall and his eyes look to the ground.

This is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. I’m not getting him back. I’ll never have Rafe Cameron in my life again. And that thought alone has me spiraling into a depression I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back from.

“Say something, Rafe.” I choke out.

His head lifts, and his eyes find mine again. He’s went from looking regretful, to angry in just seconds.

“What do you want me to say? I left you. And now you’re showing up to my friend’s house, getting fucking wasted and causing a scene. What the fuck do you want from me? I can’t fucking force myself to love you! I just fucking can’t! I’m sorry, but that’s the fucking truth. I never fucking loved you, Y/N. Let it the fuck go.”

Another harsh sob wracks my body as I come to terms with the fact that he truly never loved me. He never cared about me. He used me, and I let him. I grab my house key out of my small purse and stick it into the lock. I push open the front door, turning to face him before I walk inside, I say, “I could have lived without knowing you never meant anything you told me. You fucking broke me, Rafe. You ruined me. A once bright and happy fucking woman, and you’ve shattered me. I fucking hate you, and I hope you’re happy. Please, just leave me the fuck alone.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but I slam the door in his face, quickly locking it and sliding my back down the door until my ass hits the floor. I bring my knees up to my chest, curling in on myself. I let out a loud scream, knowing my parents aren’t home tonight. Sobs wrack my entire body and I feel the physical pain in my chest from where he once lived. He fucking broke me, and I will never forgive him for that.

RAFE TAGLIST: @rafeism @f4ll-for-you @drewstarkeyslut @lorelai-lilith @lizcameron @dilvcv @thewitchesofart @rafesgfxo @unsaidjaelinrose @itsmytimetoodream @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @r1vrsefx @rafetopia @rafemotherfuckingcameron @anqeliclust @presleyanswrites @carma-fanficaddict @madzzz0797 @slytherhoes @jscameron @ijustwanttoreadlols @luversgirl @sugarcoatedstarkey @skyesthebomb @stvrkey @vhour @emma77645 @rafeinterlude @superlegend216 @mannstarkey @digitaldiary111 @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @crgirlsworld @atorturedpoetx @carolinaxvz @maybankslover @cantstoptherecs @pradabambie @slut4ani @biggesthat3r @wearemadeofstardust @sylverdragon @ditzyzombiesblog @the-sylver-dragon @nattywatty @urfavpersonality @stupidbxnny @mattyskies @corpsebridenightamare

rafe cameron masterlist | taglist form

[thewosoway]

Missed you - Lena Oberndorf x reader

* based off of the video from the olympics of Lena showing up to the hotel to support germany*

With Lena injured you became the one who cared for her aside from her parents obviously. That was until you needed to go to France with the German team to play in the Olympics. You had sat together and thought about how you could support her from France, deciding on multiple FaceTimes and matching bracelets you had made together so you would always feel connected with them.

Lena made it obvious that she wouldn’t be able to come because of rehab and you had become ok with the idea of going alone and hanging out with other players like Jule and Lea instead of Lena.

Before the USA game you had been spending the day going around with Laura, taking pictures of random things and the team. After the pictures you both decided to go sit in the chill room of the hotel and play a card game while watching a movie.

Around half way through the card game you got up and told Laura you needed the bathroom and then you were going to come back and finish the game. She nodded and off you went, passing through the lobby on your phone unaware of the car having just pulled up containing your girlfriend.

Lea saw you walking past and panicked you were going to see what was happening and ruin the surprise. You kept your head down while sending Lena a message asking how she was feeling and that you were worried about her. Lea sent a quick text to Alex popp asking her to distract you and walk you back to the chill room the other way not through the lobby.

Coming out of the bathroom Alex was stood there waiting for you. “Hey y/n, just wanted to come find you and have a little prematch chat” you nodded and went with her talking about how you felt about the match and different things.

Lena had gone with Lea to the chill room where you were originally and sat down on some beanbags at the back of the room, out of sight from the door and where you were sat with Laura.

You walked in finishing your conversation and gently throwing a breakfast bar at Laura that you had picked up on your entry before sitting down in your previous spot and continuing the game. Completely oblivious to your girlfriend watching patiently at the back of the room.

Laura decided to start a conversation about Lena and how her recovery was going, talking about her and other things.

“I love Lena with all my heart and this knee issue is just a minor setback for her. Shes doing good with recovery so far, I just miss her so much. She gets a little annoyed at my constant hovering around her since she got hurt” a small laugh escaped as you talked about her small temper which showed itself more often on the pitch.

Lena sat at the back of the room listening to you talking about her and how her injury was affecting you but all around listening to you constantly repeating how you missed her. She watched as you and Laura stopped playing the card game and stood up going to the pool table while you typed at your phone sending her a message checking on her even though you just checked in, hearing a small cough to get your attention you looked up and in the direction of the sound.

“Lena?” She nodded and smiled “hi love” you dropped everything and ran to her. “What are you doing here?” Holding her close to you like she was going to disappear if you let go “thought id come see the girls play and support my favourite girl” she held you tight being careful of her knee

“I missed you” she kept hugging you and holding you close to her not letting you go. “When you guys are done I wanna play pool” Laura watched from her position at the pool table laughing slightly at her comment and Lena’s reaction of putting her middle finger up to her. “Just got my girl back.. fuck of Freigang” she mumbled into ur neck.

You held onto each other and stayed hugging for a moment before Lena started to get uncomfortable stood on her injured leg which you noticed and lead her to sit down on a beanbag so she could relax for a moment. “I love you Lena, I’m so happy you’re here with me as you should be. I missed you”

Lena made sure to keep you close like you were going to disappear and you would be apart again. You sat together cuddled into her side wrapped together talking to Lea and Laura before the rest of the team walked in to have a chill before the match and talk about tactics. It wasn’t until guilia looked over to the back of the room hearing voices in deep discussion “obi?” The team looked up from where they were stood and saw her with their jaws dropping as each of them looked up to see Lena sat with you half asleep in her arms just listening to her voice and her heartbeat happy to have her back and be in her arms.

[ninguitar]

୨୧　 𝓛OSING ALL MY INNOCENCE　˒˒　LR

─── ﹙🎱﹚while cramming in time to have dates together, the two of you go on a bittersweet midnight drive.

pairing. lara raj x f!r genre. fluff wc. 900+ notes. UGH i love lara gosh. i fear this was my ultimate fav fic to write. italics + bolded = lyrics (MASTERLIST.)

now playing ⋆ kiss of life by sade

THE DIM HEADLIGHTS OF THE CAR reflect onto the empty streets of the neighborhood, as lara's hands grip firmly onto steering wheel.

what was initially an excuse to bother none other than your girlfriend, lara raj, turned into a car drive filled with occasional giggles and screams from lara. outside the window was merely silence, the world quiet, and the only sounds heard were the faint, soft buzzing of the engine.

your hand reaches the cassette player you insisted that lara should keep from you—as some sort of memorabilia, of course, before she became far too busy—pushing the "love deluxe" by sade cassette tape into it.

there must have been an angel by my side,

"you always have the best tapes, y'know that?" lara speaks up, a low chuckle escaping her breath, as her hand slightly brushes against yours when it meets the gearshift. and by then, you couldn't help but feel a bit of heat flare to your cheeks and ears by the mere familiar warmth against yours.

your eyes trace over against lara's lips, glancing over at the indian girl's figure. "and you always say that," you giggle, slightly nudging her.

"sue me for thinking my girlfriend's tapes are amazing," lara rolls her eyes, laughs erupting from her throat.

even with her hair tousled, messy hair strands falling onto her face, and a random white, off-the-shoulder graphic tee thrown onto herself, you couldn't help but swoon at her beauty—at the way the gentle glow of street lamps illuminate her face.

in your eyes, lara raj was a goddess—a divinity only to be treated with the utmost care. she was something a person could only dream of—something perfect, almost surreal—though, here she was, in the driver's seat beside you.

something heavenly led me to you.

a smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, "take a picture, won't you? it'll surely last longer," she teases, prodding at your flushed cheeks.

you huff in annoyance, rolling your eyes at her reaction. "focus on the wheel, gosh; don't they teach you that at the dmv?" you retaliate, a giggle escaping your breath.

and despite your efforts to make yourself seem more irritated by lara's snark remarks, you were, instead, allured by her beauty.

"hey! at least i'm not as bad as a driver as megan!" lara scoffs, as you nudge lara's shoulder playfully.

"next time i'm seeing her, i'm telling her you said that," you threaten, a grin playing on your face, as lara dramatically widens her mouth.

"you wouldn't dare!"

and for the next few minutes, all you could focus on was lara; all your thoughts were over consumed by lara.

lara, lara, lara.

without notice, everything becomes silent—both the world, and the two of you. and by then, you realize that soon, you two would have to return to your respective responsibilities—you with school, and lara with her idol life.

you knew this would happen eventually, but it all felt too surreal. your eyes glance over to lara, your gaze softening.

"are you okay?" her gentle, melodic tone breaks your train of thought, as you meekly nod, swallowing a lump in your throat.

"yeah, yeah, i'm fine, lara."

look at the sky,

her eyes flicker to you, brows furrowing, "c'mon, i know you're overthinking; i know you."

a soft, comforting smile tugs at her lips—the kind that made your heart ache and long for her even more. pulling the car over, a sigh drifts from lara's lips. her hand brushes against your flushed cheek, and instinctively, you lean into her touch.

"i know, i know. it just, feels weird without seeing you everyday," you sheepishly admit, your voice so low that it could get lost in the vicious roar of the engine.

sure, you were simply exaggerating your words; you saw lara at least, almost every weekend, but she was your person—the girl you used to see everyday, gossiping every second.

"feels weird for me too, y'know; you're not alone. i sometimes wish i could keep driving until the middle of nowhere—until it's just you and i," lara whispers, her tone laced with sincerity and a sort of softness that made your heart skip, her voice dulcet.

her words hang heavy in the air, as you both lean into the warmth of one-another, the delicate feeling of her knuckles brushing against yours providing you comfort.

inevitably, her lips find your temples, pressing chaste, gentle kisses against it, and in-between each kiss was whispered praise. your chest tightens at the thought of the girl you've loved most being rarely in your life.

"don't forget me, yeah?" you murmur against her ear.

and in lieu of an answer, lara swiftly closes the distance between the two of you, her lips pressed against yours feverishly, as though it were the last time she would see you.

with your noses occasionally bumping against one-another's, it was only then that you saw the fondness in lara's eyes, her love for you encompassing her.

it's the color of love.

"you have all my sweaters anyway," lara teases, a smile playing on your face at the way the girl lightens the mood with ease.

"they're not you though."

a giggle escapes lara's throat before she presses her lips against yours once again, savoring your taste, "i love you."

"i love you too, lara raj."

it was like a vow, a promise that no matter what, it would always be the two of you against the world, and your love was real. with each kiss, lara was determined to kiss each tear prickling from your eyes away.

there must have been an angel by my side.

something heavenly came down from above.

[lyxchen]

I'm sorry, how is this literally THE CUTEST PICTURE EVER???? <33333

[after-witch]

Horrorfest: Clown Without Pity [Pennywise x Reader]

Title: Clown Without Pity [Pennywise x Reader]

Synopsis: You used to be scared of clowns, but that was a long time ago.

For Horrorfest request:

Horrorfest request for random person being followed at a carnival by the lovely clown IT. They think he's just a normal clown at first. Until they see him later outside of the carnival. And then at a Halloween party.

Word count: 1400ish

notes: reader is scared of clowns, implications of death & general horror things, speeding down small town roads and other things you Should Not Do Because It's Irresponsible

The first time you see the clown, you smile. Not because he was particularly delightful–he looked like any other clown at any other carnival–but because he brought back memories. Distant, foggy, something you could see now with rose-tinted glasses:

When you were a child, you were scared of clowns. 

No, not just scared–terrified. There are memories, seen through the sweeter lens of adulthood that takes away the sharp edge of terror you once felt, of you clinging to your father’s leg; begging to leave a carnival, a work event, a birthday party, because there was that all-too-familiar terror looming just ahead—

A clown. 

Like the one at this carnival, handing out balloons to children who pass by. He looks like any clown you’ve ever seen, like the ones that used to have you squeezing your eyes shut until your parents sighed and carried you, sobbing, back to the car. 

White face. Red hair. An outfit with frills and puff-balls. A smile, a laugh (haw-haw-haw) and oh, my, he’s seen you staring.

He waves, cheerily.

You wave back, smile tight. 

Not because you’re scared–you are not a little kid anymore, for heaven’s sake–but because it’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it?

Clowns are meant for children.

–

The clown should not be standing across the street from the local liquor store, and yet, there he is, in all his costumed glory. 

He stands out like a sore thumb, and it’s a wonder no one else has pointed him out. Or that no cars honk at him as they whizz by, speeding but uncaring on Halloween night. The police force would be hanging out downtown, keeping an eye on the kids, not lurking by a party store tucked on a back road. 

He doesn’t move from his spot on the side of the road. He only stares straight ahead, eyes almost bulging, and even if he isn’t staring at you–is he?--you can’t help but tear your gaze away.

Because…

Something awfully nostalgic creeps into the back of your skull. A familiar feeling, itching along your scalp until it crawls across your jaw and down your chest; until you clench the paper bag in your arms, hearing it crinkle around the bottles of vodka you spent too much of your paycheck on.

An unwelcome sensation that makes you want to find your father and hide behind him even now, decades later—

Fear.

–

By the time you make it to the party, you’ve chided yourself ten times over for being silly. The clown was probably headed in to buy some booze of his own after a day working a children’s carnival. Handing out all those balloons and smiling at kids all day. He was probably waiting until it was safe to cross the road, and you caught him standing awkwardly.

Halloween night was making you stupid, that’s all. Well. That and the pre-gaming shot you did before you went to the carnival. Sure, sure, you were good to drive–that didn’t mean your thoughts weren’t a little loopy. A little silly.

Now? Now it was time to forget about clowns and childhood fears and get your Halloween party game on. 

Your costume wasn’t anything spectacular. A black dress and a slapped-on witch hat, a smear of green eyeshadow across your eyes and hastily applied eyeliner that you’d only remembered after pulling your car into the cul-de-sac.

Maybe next year you would put more thought into it, but on this night? You just wanted to get drunk, maybe dance, maybe meet someone cute and take them home.

Getting drunk and dancing was on the table for sure, at least. The vodka you brought is a favorite, and you turn to it again and again as the night goes on, until your head is fuzzy enough to make dancing to “Monster Mash” genuinely fun.

You don’t even mind that you haven’t found anyone to hook up with; there’s enough mingling going on that the crowd stuffed into the living room is a mix of couples and singles, groups of friends, groups of strangers, everyone sporting costumes of varying quality and care. 

Sexy nurses and Frankensteins and Harley Quinns; Marios and Hot Dogs and Draculas. Everyone drinking and dancing and having loud conversations that didn’t matter all that much. 

The costumes bleed together with every drink, until you’re not sure if you already talked to that sexy cat or maybe it was the handsome tiger that chatted you up, or maybe it wasn’t a cat at all, maybe your brain got confused with the guy dressed as Roger from 101 Dalmations (he carried a dalmatian plushie) and you’re starting to wonder if you should have someone call you an Uber when there’s a clown standing in the middle of the living room.

Oh but it’s not a clown, it’s the clown. The clown from the carnival, the clown from the street, the clown that is now standing perfectly still amidst a crowd of dancing, drunken strangers. His face looks sallow now, his eyes bigger, but his grin, his grin is the same. Wide and red and were his teeth always so sharp?

A trick of the light, you think, a trick of the booze; but you blink, and think, and blink again, but it remains the same no matter what. 

He’s just standing there. Staring and smiling. And he’s got a balloon–it hadn’t been there before–but no one else so much as stops and stares at this strange clown in a rotting gray suit (oh, oh it had been fine before, all cream and bright red) holding a balloon in the middle of the party.

No one else sees him.

But you do.

And he sees you, too.

Now, now, you feel fear. Not just any fear. That old fear, that childish fear, that starts from your toes and doesn’t stop until it’s prickling at your scalp. The fear that keeps you rooted to the spot. The fear that demands a mom or dad or older sibling with a few years on you, someone who knows enough about the world to keep all the awful things at bay.

“Mommy and daddy aren’t here to help you,” a voice says, and it’s with an awful sinking feeling that you see the clown's mouth move. It’s the clown. The clown is talking. But no one turns. No one else hears. Everyone else is dancing, laughing, carrying on like none of this is happening at all.

The tingling fear is cradled by a heavy dread that settles into your stomach, a dread that tells you the cold hard facts of life as you know it: 

You are alone with the clown in a crowded room and no one is going to help you. No one is going to help you, and you were right to be scared of clowns as a child, and maybe if you hadn’t talked yourself out of it, you wouldn’t be here.

You wouldn’t be standing frozen to the spot, watching as he takes a step forward–big and silly, he laughs as he does it, like he’s tiptoeing quietly to some secret place. As if he needs to be quiet, despite the fact that no one else can hear him or see him.

"I'm coming for you," he says, voice low, awful, despite the silliness of his exaggerated gestures.

He weaves around the party guests like they are hedges in some terrible human maze. And you, you can do nothing but watch as he spins, his mouth making exaggerated “Os” each time he almost rams into someone. 

"I'm getting closer," he says, and you want to run. But you can't. You're too scared. Scared like you used to be; scared in a way you haven't been in decades.

Maybe--

If you hadn’t stopped being afraid, maybe you wouldn’t have come to the party at all. His second sighting on the road would have sent you home, for the safety of the space underneath your bed covers, a night light protecting you all the way up those dark stairs. 

Your jaw wouldn’t be open in a silent cry for help that will not come. Tears would not be streaming down your cheeks, even as the clown does a little spin–”Ta da!”--on his journey across the room. The tears sting with smeared green eyeshadow.

But you are here. Stuck and trapped and damp urine runs down your leg. No one notices, no one sees. No one cares.

And the clown is getting closer. He could be here in two strides, you realize dimly, but he doesn’t want to hurry it along. He wants to take it slow. He wants you to stew–stew in your fear and anguish and the realization that you are a small, stupid insignificant thing and this clown (but It is not a clown) is stronger and older and–

Right in front of you now.

[aidensolas]

STORED DATABASE (1) - A Forsaken Fic

Heya so I decided to keep writing as the conclusion I reached was just people being people like to ruin things that other people like due to hate. I want to say I might be distancing myself away from knowing about these types of things and just focus on what makes me happy. Enjoy the chapter!

Okay so you already pinched yourself 3 times and it seems like you aren't waking up so it's probably a lucid dream.

Anyways you might be wondering what's happening? Right John Doe and Elliot sitting neatly on your bed as John Doe looks at Elliot confused and staring at your figure he shrugs and looks around commenting on your room "Nice Room... for a runt." You held out your hand in a pointing motion and pointed it at John Doe which he responded to holding up his hands well... a hand and a spike up in a defeated motion "Can't take a playful 'poke'..." He said in a joking manner "So uhm... Hey? Where are we exactly?" Elliot suddenly piped in as you thought about the situation what's happening right now as you paced back and forth between the door of your room.

Okay so you might be wondering what exactly happened after they appeared in your bedroom? Well, I'm your mind! Here to recount things you never needed to remember again... So as they appeared in your room a series of silly events happened that involved John Doe trying to murder you and Elliot which was scary in itself then suddenly as he tried to pierce your stomach with his giant spike he suddenly got flung into the wall of your bedroom knocking down some shelves and cabinets full of your precious well... Whatever you keep in those as you were more scared about your home you realized the things once destroyed started to rearrange itself in a neat manner not knowing what to do you made up a bluff that no one can do anything in this house without your permission and if you break a rule you immediately get punished via getting ragdolled into walls which to your Suprise both Elliot and John Doe believed so now they're both setting on your bed.

Back to the current time! As you completely ignored Elliot's questioned (Rude.) "So where are you guys from and how did you guys exactly... Arrive here?" You asked not like you didn't know already you just thought that having prior information about them without them knowing who you are is weird so might as well keep the appearance that you don't know them.

"Ask the twerp beside me." John Doe nudged Elliot beside him "I can barely remember anything besides killing them over and over again." To which Elliot replied with a nervous laugh as John Doe nudged him "Well! About that it's uh... Hard to explain if you can give me some tim-" You raised your hand in front of Elliot before he could ramble on "No need. You don't need to explain if you aren't ready yet... Anyways would you kindly lea-" You got interrupted as well. Karma's a bitch ain't it? You heard the door open behind you as you quickly looked to turn around to see someone peeking in, wait is that Noob?... Dear God.

Okay you tap your foot in hurry as you paced around your main living room which was enough to accommodate the whole Forsaken cast including the out of place Mafioso who just randomly decided to show up despite being a variation skin of c00lkidd. Chance piped up seeing you walking around the room in a hurry as a coping mechanism of how your life is ruined now. "Hey... Uh your name whatever mind you settle down?" Okay you gather your thoughts and say down sighing as Builderman started to talk "This might be stressful and surprising to see various people you don't know inside your home and people with alarming looks to top it off of." he said as he discreetly looked at killers who were surprisingly not murdering anyone at the moment not like they can but you're surprised an attempt hasn't been made considering some things. "But we mean no harm and we would like to not bother you but when we tried to leave the front door a random pop-up would appear saying that we don't have access to do so. Would you happen to know anything about it?" Then Shedletsky decided to squeeze in a comment that's stated in a lighthearted joking manner "Who would wanna leave anyway have you seen this house?" Builderman replied by quickly stomping on his foot which made him wince as he grumbled "Okay... Okay... I get it." You squeeze your eyes shut as you cover your face with your hands as you resist the urge to cry into them. "I tried it as well. It said I can't open the door for at least another 7 days. First things first who are you guys." Yeah, you aren't asking them you were demanding an answer.

As they all introduced each other you quickly gave them their own lodgings and places to stay good thing you have a lot... Well, more than enough guest rooms to accommodate them since it was relatively late anyway you were preparing to sleep before you felt a tap behind you which revealed to be Dussekar "In my own lair, where dreams take flight, can I wield the brush to color my night?" What is bro saying? You thought about it for a second then realized he meant if he could decorate his own room to which you replied to "Go ahead it's all yours anyway for the time being." He nodded promptly before slowly floating away into his own room and closing the door. This is going to be a long week.

After waking up and feeling shit like always you decided to do your daily routine and as you leave your room you see Chance on the side of your door as you stumbled upon him he immediately takes your hand into his and drags you somewhere "Hey you never told me you had this." He said with a chuckle "Had what?" He then reaches a door to which he opens which reveals a whole ass casino. Wait... What. The. Hell. "Right and in case you forgot the name's Chance the best gambler you'll ever see." He said with pride as he closed his eyes striked a cool pose and flipped a coin the coin landed it rolling tails did make it a bit silly, but you won't ruin his day so you didn't mention it as he hid the coin, you nervously laughed to see people working inside the casino yet no other gamblers or people are present. "Yeah... I totally had this since the start, but you never asked, nor do we totally know each other... Haha.haha." to which then Chance looks back at you saying " That's fair but... Wanna go round all the people up and have a nice fun day in the casino? Well, it's yours so it wouldn't be a problem to treat us, right?" You never owned a casino, so you have no idea, but you felt like you were about to faint but, you gave Chance a giant totally not fake smile. "Sure, go ahead! Go call them up I'll treat all of you to some fun." Chance wasted no time bolting out the door and probably waking everyone up to drag them into this. You glanced at one of the workers who noticed you and it seemed to be the same people who you would see in a Roblox game but humanized or some sort... The worker stared at you and waved giving a small smile. Yeah.

This is definitely going to be a long week.

Notes:

Guys I'm sick so I couldn't promise the bulk of chapters I've written but most of it is done anyway so expect day by day and a random two-time x reader to pop up one day. Excuse my writing if it's on the wobbly side as I said I feel like absolute bunz anyways hope you enjoy this chapter. I wonder what happens next, I totally can't see into the future or anything, but I think it's going to be a casino chapter...

TAGLIST (raaaah)

@brain4stew @yukinaabutlazy @ilikedrinkingsoda @oniadopts @no-hearts-included @haveneulalie

Random note: Why do I feel like John Doe and Builderman would be great at telling Dad Jokes...

[katelynnwrites]

all the luck in the world | lea schüller

warnings: ~

word count: 807

summary: you only believe in luck when it comes to lea

a/n: just a lil lea appreciation blurb

luck is a funny thing.

some people say attribute every good thing that's happened to them to it and while you don't do that, you have never once doubted that in more than one situation, luck had nothing to do with it.

because you worked hard for every good thing you have in your life.

your career's been built on sacrifices and effort. you're at the top because you fought your way there. you're so good at what you do because you chose to be, putting in the work day in and day out to make it happen.

it hadn't been something as random as luck that had made you successful. it had been a little girl with a dream of being a professional footballer who had poured every bit of herself into fulfilling it that did.

your club hadn't noticed you by chance. your country's coach hadn't noticed you because of it either.

as for bad luck, it is simply your belief that unfortunate things just happened. injury comes out of the blue sometimes and there is no way to foresee and therefore prevent it.

for better or for worse, things simply happen.

so really, you don't quite believe in luck.

not unless it comes to the blonde currently lying in your bed.

there is no other way to explain it. you'd admired her for so long, crushed on her for long that it's practically a dream for you to be able to touch her, to kiss her and call her yours.

you have both luck and lena to thank for it.

really, you'd almost given up hope that lea would ever notice your feelings for her when obi succeeded in finally knocking sense into her oblivious best friend's head.

her best friend who had apparently thought she was alone in her less than platonic longing.

the two of you could be considered idiots. idiots with good luck.

but that's all past now because you have lea and lea has you.

the striker has her hair loose, it's spread across your pillow and she is smiling up at you.

it is too tempting of a sight and you can't help whispering, 'you're so pretty.'

very gently, you lean in and brush your lips across hers.

she sighs contentedly into it and you continue to kiss her after briefly drawing back and murmuring, 'so gorgeous.'

your girlfriend melts a little and you take the opportunity to straddle her, lightly brushing strands of hair from her face.

her blue eyes blink and you decide you love the way her eyelashes flutter as she does so.

'absolutely breathtaking.' you state and bring your lips down to meet hers again.

lea lets out a tiny moan and encouraged by it, you begin to kiss your way towards her exposed collarbones.

each time your lips touch her skin, the german woman trembles beneath you. the effect you have on her is intoxicating and she would not have it otherwise.

'baby.' she breathes when place a particularly long kiss on the edge of her collarbone.

you huff a small laugh and kiss her again, your lips trailing further down towards her breasts.

lea's breath audibly catches as you scatter open mouthed kisses onto the sensitive area.

now you only have access to whatever isn't covered by the sports bra she's wearing because the both of you are still in the early stages of your relationship. neither of you are ready for that kind of intimacy yet. soon but not just yet.

for now though, seeing lea's chest rise and fall in an increasingly fast rate because of your ministrations is enough. it gives you your own personal high.

germany's star forward bites her lip as her hands brace themselves on your hips so you check, 'this okay?'

the bayern munich player nods rapidly, 'don't stop. please.'

very happily, you do as she asks.

your girlfriend's skin is soft and the touch of your lips against it elicits sharp gasps and brief whimpers from her.

lea's fingers dig into your waist and you groan her name out loud.

'you're the definition of the word beautiful my love.'

the blonde's mouth parts slightly and she flushes from her face all the way down to her chest.

'okay.' she breathes shyly.

'and so amazingly talented too. we wouldn't have gotten this far in the competition without you.' you add.

ever humble, the striker starts to protest but you grin and move to kiss her senseless once more, effectively shutting her up.

it's not often that the both of you can get some time alone while with the national team, especially when competing at a big tournament like the olympics.

so you are going to make the absolute best out of the precious time that you have, while your pretty pretty girlfriend's here in your bed.

[softhairedhotch]

comfortember day six: notes aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader you leave secret notes for aaron to remind him to take care of himself. when you stop after a bad case, he starts leaving you notes too. word count: 2.2k warnings/content: mentions of food, eating, weddings, life stuff. flirting, taking care of each other, cutesy lovey fluff.

comfortember masterlist here!

also on ao3!

green and yellow sticky notes

Before becoming a new recruit at the BAU, you were very aware of all the rumours surrounding your new co-workers. About how they handle cases with high-end professionalism and no emotion, how they’re not afraid to break the law a little to solve a case, how they don’t mind getting their hands dirty. But when you move to the division you find that that’s not (entirely) true. The team are lovely and, when not on a case, deal with everything the same as everyone else: cracking jokes, lifting each other up and making everyone around them laugh, and getting food with each other to pass the time.

All except for Aaron.

He joins in when he can, smiling occasionally and making the odd joke or two, but from what you can tell, he keeps mostly to himself to remain professional as the team’s boss. However, after a few months of working alongside him, you realise that he often overworks himself, picking up odd hours in the office and working overtime, and forgets to take care of himself in the process. He survives off coffee and spite alone, something that both intrigues and concerns you. 

It pains you that he doesn’t care for himself as much as he should and, as time goes on and you find yourself helplessly falling in love with the man, you decide to take matters into your own hands.

You smile as an idea pops into your head one day when you're struck in the office and you reach out to grab your stack of green sticky notes and a pen. Scribbling down a quick message ('don't forget to eat!' with a smiley face in the corner), you remove it from the pile and fold it neatly, shoving it into your pocket and waiting for the perfect moment to drop it where it needs to go. 

It’s almost an hour later when Aaron leaves his office for a bathroom break and you smirk to yourself as you grab a random file from your desk and make your way up the stairs. Glancing around to make sure no one’s paying attention, you slip inside the empty office and pull the note from your pocket, placing it on his desk and leaving as quickly as you entered. 

Making your way down the stairs, you see Aaron already making his way back to his office with his head buried in his phone. You suddenly grow anxious at the thought of him finding the note–would he think it's weird? What if he knew it was you immediately, even though you modified your handwriting to make it harder to distinguish? What if he called you into the office to tell you he's reporting you to HR? 

Forcing the thoughts out of your mind, you sit back at your desk and brace yourself for Aaron's reaction, whatever it may be. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Aaron unfold the note and read it a few times, flipping it over to see if there's anything on the back. He looks confused, rightfully so, before standing up and looking out at the bullpen like a hunter stalking his prey. 

Derek, who sits across from you, looks up at him lazily with interest before raising an eyebrow in your direction in a silent question. You shrug and give him a half-convincing smile as if to say you don't know what's going on either, looking back at your computer and pretending to focus so he doesn't feel the need to pry. 

To your surprise, Aaron says nothing. Instead, he makes his way to the kitchenette and pulls out a container from the fridge, glancing at it to determine whether or not he should heat it up. You smirk to yourself as you realise your plan worked, watching as he finally throws it into the microwave and leans against the counter with his arms crossed and eyes closed in thought.

After that day, you find yourself leaving more notes. Messages along the lines of 'stay hydrated <3' and 'get some sleep tonight man!' and 'there's some pasta in the fridge, enjoy :)'. Secretly, of course, and at times he wouldn't be able to suspect it's you. Although after a few weeks pass, you figure he already knows who's leaving the notes but hasn't brought it up because he appreciates the reminders to drink water and get some fresh air. 

You find yourself unable to gather enough energy to leave him notes, however, after a particularly gruesome case that hit far too close to home and messed you up more than you'd like to admit. Going to work feels like a chore and you don't have it in yourself to brighten his day, no matter how much you wish you could. 

A week passes and you still can't shake the case, walking into work feeling like the weight of the world rests on your shoulders. You're early, unable to get any sleep the night before, and you notice the bullpen is mostly deserted as you make your way to your desk. You sit down with a sigh, holding back tears and bouncing your leg as you pull items out of your bag. The sight of something on your keyboard catches your attention and you freeze at the sight of a yellow sticky note sitting on top of the keys, neatly folded. 

Interested, you carefully unfold the note and almost sob at the message scrawled out in capital letters: 'TAKE THINGS EASY TODAY.' It’s clear that whoever wrote it tried their best to make the handwriting as unrecognisable as they could but you have a sneaky suspicion of who left it. 

As you push it into your pocket, wanting to keep it on you so you can reread it throughout the day, Aaron walks into the bullpen and sends you a gentle smile as he heads up to his office. You watch him settle down at his desk, pulling out his own items from his briefcase before casually adjusting his yellow sticky notes on his desk with a focused expression. Your heart misses a beat and you feel as light as a feather, knowing that you just fell for him even more. After that, your day is infinitely better. 

There's an hour before your shift ends when your stomach starts growling at you. Sighing to yourself, you push away from your desk and make your way to the bathroom for a small break, scrolling through your phone absentmindedly as thoughts of Aaron invade your mind. The thought of him leaving a note for you made your heart swell multiple sizes and you had to restrain yourself from giggling out loud at the thought, feeling happier than you have in days. 

You make your way back to your desk to refill your coffee cup when you find another note, yellow like the last one, neatly folded on top of your case file. You chuckle to yourself and glance up to Aaron’s office, his eyes meeting yours for a moment between the open blinds before he looks away as if he wasn’t looking at you at all, and you grin as you open the note.

‘YOU HAVEN’T EATEN YET.’

Emily raises an eyebrow at you when you let out a loud snort and slap your hand over your mouth. You shake your head at her and send her a look as if to say you’ll tell her later before looking back at the note and laughing quietly to yourself. The way he words it, so factual and certain, makes you feel warm. It’s so him, even when he’s clearly trying not to be.

Shoving the note in your pocket, you make your way to the kitchenette to heat up some leftover pasta. A few minutes later Aaron is sidling up beside you, pouring fresh coffee into his mug. It’s silent for a few moments as you both focus on your own tasks. 

“Thanks for reminding me to eat,” you say, smiling at him. 

He stills for a moment. “Sorry?”

You laugh and shake your head fondly at him. “Don’t play stupid, Hotchner. I know it’s you leaving the notes.”

A small smile tugs at his lips. "It hasn't even been a full day. Was I that obvious?" 

You snort. “Hotch… you wrote them in all caps and ended both messages with a period. They sound exactly like something you’d say anyway; even the tone felt like you. Didn’t even take me two seconds to figure out who it was, even with the poor attempt at changing up the handwriting.”

Aaron raises his eyebrows and pretends to look offended. "Poor attempt? I think it was pretty good!"

“In your dreams, maybe.” 

“Well, what about your notes? I could tell it was you from a mile away.”

“Really?”

“...No. It took me about two weeks to realise.”

You let out a loud laugh as you pull your food from the microwave. Aaron smiles at you with bright eyes as he sips at his coffee, wincing when it burns his tongue. 

“Two weeks, Mr. Profiler? We oughta get you an award for that.”

“Yeah. Make sure it says I’m the unit chief too so that everyone knows I suck at my job. Couldn’t even figure out it was my own subordinate leaving me notes.”

You smirk at him as you stir your pasta. "Is that all I am to you? Your subordinate?"

Aaron's face turns serious and he tilts his head to the side. "Of course not." He rubs the pad of his thumb idly against his closed fist for a few moments. "Thank you. For the, the notes. I didn't realise how bad I was at taking care of myself until you started reminding me to." 

 "Yeah," you chuckle, "you're pretty bad, to say the least." 

"Seems like you've been going through the same thing this week, though. Don't want you turning into me." 

You sigh. "Yeah. Just… that last case…" 

His hand slowly lands on your shoulder and he gives you an empathetic smile. “I understand. My office is always open if you ever want to talk. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about the case but I’m there for that too.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it. And you… can come to me about anything, too. Just want you to know that.”

Aaron’s smile widens as he pulls back. “Thank you. I’ll leave you to eat. Speak to you later, yeah?" 

And off he goes, leaving you feeling like you might burst into flames.

After that day, the two of you get into the habit of leaving notes for each other all the time, you with a green sticky note and him with yellow. Gentle reminders to eat or to stretch your legs and the like. But as you get to know each other more intricately outside of work, you find that the notes become more personal. You make sure to remind Aaron that he has an appointment at Jack’s school or that he’s meant to restock on Jessica’s favourite tea when she visits, and he lets you know when you’re low on your comfort snacks in the office or have a doctor’s appointment coming up. 

Soon enough, when you start to get even closer and he begins inviting you to his apartment for movies and meals, you find yourself leaving notes around his place. Little messages in the kitchen to remind him when something goes out of date or the living room to make sure he doesn't forget to pick up a case file on his way out. Even telling him that he's a great boss or that you (and the team, but you put emphasis on the fact that you) appreciate him. 

It's safe to say that it's no surprise when, after you hide your face in his chest during a terrifying scene in a horror movie, the two of you quickly become more than friends.  

Penelope is over the moon for you, Derek is glad Aaron finally pulled his head out of his ass and made a move, Emily finally understands what made you happy all those months ago, JJ is happy you both found each other, Dave is proud that Aaron finally moved on and found someone new, and Spencer is indifferent to the whole situation. You and Aaron are, much like the others, ecstatic.

When you move in with him, the apartment very quickly fills up with yellow and green sticky notes, the two of you leaving reminders of your love everywhere. And when he proposes to you, he leaves a yellow sticky note inside the box that tells you how much he adores you. Like a fucking dork. But he’s your dork, and you burst into tears at the sight and cherish the note forever.

At the wedding, Aaron makes sure that his pocket square is yellow, in honour of his colour, and unbeknownst to him, you make sure your own outfit has some semblance of green in it. It makes him tear up and, unlike every other time he gets emotional, he’s not afraid to show how much it affects him.

For years to come, the two of you leave each other yellow and green sticky notes no matter what. Jack does it with his partner, refusing to break the habit, and their children do it with theirs, and their children with theirs, following the tradition until the only memory of how it started are the tattered notes kept in the storage of your great-great-grandchildren’s attic.

tag list: @criminalskies @citrusiove @hotchs-big-hands @ssahotchnerr @sillyhotchsgirl

[poppylovestowrite]

Why is Gakushu Asano Bad At Debating?

One thing that surprised me about Gakushu's character, is that he appears to be lacking in his debating abilities, as the picture above suggests. All of his stats are perfect, except for debate.

At first, I thought it was strange for Matsui to write that sort of flaw for Gakushu to have. Like, he excelled in everything. Why is this one subject so difficult for him? I thought it was a bit random but after some re-reading and digging, I think I've figured it out. 

Now, debating involves an organized argument or contest of ideas in which the participants discuss a topic from two opposing sides. Gakushu is extremely well-educated, so no matter what side he is on, he should be able to win with no problems, right?

Well... no...

I'm sure some of you guys know that sometimes debating can lead to heated arguments. Whether it's an organized event, or just among friends, some people can lose their cool. I believe Gakushu is one of those people. The first time we see Gakushu debating with anyone is Princess Lea from the Light Novels.

The princess was the first to present her argument. She educated the students on the importance of peace and how awful war is. When it was Gakushu's turn, he squarely denied it. According to him, there are some benefits to war and points out the flaw in Princess Lea's argument. 

This led to... well... a heated argument to the point their English was so fast, that most of the students there couldn't keep up. 

Most of the time, Gakushu is rather composed and able to keep up a facade, just like his father. Here, though, he lost his cool. I gotta say, it's funny to see him so angry. Lol anyway. It makes sense that Gakushu would lose his cool far more easily than his father. Remember, the guy is still a teenager and hasn't gone through many life experiences yet.

Not only is he far more hot-headed than his dad, but he is an arrogant guy who thinks he is right about everything. So, when someone has a different opinion of him and believes he's wrong, he can't take it. Keep in mind that this guy is constantly being put on a pedestal. The school adores him and treats him like a prince.

No one would dare to argue against him. 

So, when someone does, it messes with his emotions.