#law needs srs therapy

[punkboyjack]

The shit lie of SRS in Iran

So it's a something stuck in my brain ( and my life ) that I think people need to know about it is the thing about LGBTQ+ people in Iran especially T because I'm trans and it's little too much complicated in iran

Bing trans in Iran has some benefits in look but it's a lie

We are known as mentally ill people

We have the same problems as any other LGBTQ+ person in the world but with a higher rate

Most of the time, they give strong psychedelic drugs and hormones to trans children ( or just LGBT childrens )

And I was so paranoid about it that I wouldn't take any of the psychiatrists' pills when I was depressed (my parents don't know that I just got better somehow and no one doubt about it)

The Iranian government also monitors online transgender communities, often subjecting them to censorship, and police routinely arrest trans people

Unfortunately most Iranian parents like boys so trans woman's are badly treated almost 92% of trans women in Iran faced verbal or emotional violence and over 70% had faced physical violence

And the rate of murder and attempted suicide among trans people in Iran is high (mostly trans women).

and that really sad bcz one of the trans woman's that a used to know have Ben send to who knows where for the military training by her dad because ( HE was not man enough)

1_pre surgery is hell : we go on a all girl / all boy schools and I think it's like Catholic schools over there

And people don't respect us we mostly have problem finding friends we don't have the From the social point of view, it is almost impossible to identify ourselves as transgender because the government has strictly separated men and women. I didn't really know what my problem was until I was 13 years old

Worst and most important part is telling our parents that we are trans and they should support us because all the work of the license is done with the consent of the family and even one of Iranian actors (Maziar Lorestani) had to wait 56 years until his father passed away and he was finally able to take HRT just think about it you are a 56 years old person a total mature and you can't do it without your father permission and don't forget they are totally free to rather kill you or throw you at the streets to rot

2_ the surgery is chipper here (it's a lie ) -> we spent Soo much money and time ( and mental health) on permission to do surgery and most of people who do this surgeries are not even have expertise in this work And they have long-term side effects that are not good at all

first submitted to a long and invasive process

including virginity tests ( idk whyyy)

formal parental approval ( I told you)

, psychological ( it's just the worst part you can't imagine how terrible this psychologists are )

inspection by the Family Court ( like a god damn criminal )

If we don do the HRT step by step we are basically nothing to them and Thay don't give a fuck about us unless we did something wrong or something and then we are basically dead as hell

Like let's say you are a heterosexual trans men who don't want to do a surgery and you have girlfriend who loves you and respect's you

Will no you don't you are just a lesbian to them and will if they found out what's between your legs you and your gf are going to be executed I'm not joking

3_After surgery, is hard as hell : discrimination, from the law, the state, and from the people around us

Given the lowest quality of hormone therapy, we usually do not have reliable sources for it . Surgery under the hands of non-specialists causes dangerous side effects, and if we are imprisoned, we will no longer get hormones

And not so fun fact : Most of the gay people in Iran are recognized as transgender and they have to tell us about the process because otherwise they will be executed. For the government, changing their gender of poor gay people shows a better face than killing them

And yeah rest of your gay life you are just unfortunate person stuck in a person of your own body

Bruh I read it all over and I'm not even close to the realty it's too much

[imagoddamnonionmason]

Howdy Goose! What do you think Steph’s family would think about Zach when they met for the first time? I imagine they wouldn’t think he’s ’masculine enough’, due to the fact he was in therapy, not understanding that bro literally has hallucinations cause of Afghanistan.

Zach would be respectful, get both his mother in law and Rachel flowers, but wouldn’t stand for any ‘jokes’ about Steph. He’d be subtle about it, but would stand up for her if they made any comments about her.

(Why do I imagine Rachel would try to flirt with him unless she’s married 🤢)

I think her Dad, Richard, would actually be very accepting; he's a man who's fought for his country, he takes care of his daughter and the two seem to be very in love. But this man is especially blind to the life the both he and Stephanie have lived, the experiences they have had and the trauma that they learned to live with. I think it comes down to not understanding, but made worse by his lack of not realising that there's issues there that need to be understood, so there would be quite the disconnect. It's not intentional disconnect, but I don't think that Richard and Zach's father-son relationship would ever go any deeper than a surface level. It'll never go beneath a surface Zach allows him to see because, quite frankly, who talks about their trauma gained from war and especially with a man who has the emotional capacity of a pre-fried chip. You know, that part of the process where the potato is just a soggy wet slice of blandness.

I think later on in life, Richard would regret not getting to know him better, regret not trying harder to understand him and would genuinely wish he could turn back time to thank him more for taking care of his daughter and giving her a family she loves so dearly. But, regrets hang heavy around the neck and his back hurts from the weight of them.

Regarding the wife and daughter?

Huh. Yeah, I feel like Agatha would be that type of Step Mom that would hide awful remarks behind non genuine concern. It would be comments towards Steph's hair, her body, her looks, the scars on her arm, sides and thighs. It's taken a while for Stephanie to become indifferent to the marks on her skin, having gone through a lot of shit trying to reconcile the connection of the scars to the shit that happened in Afghanistan. So then for Agatha to make comments like "oh, I know you struggle with how people see those scars, so I got you this to try and hide them! We don't want to be scaring kids with ugly things like that! We don't want you getting upset!" Like, fuck off, right? I love the idea that Zach would straight up just be thinking "why don't you mind your fucking mouth, Aggie, before someone minds it for you." But really he's so calculated about how he claps back.

Agatha or Rachael make a comment on her, maybe her hair, like "oh, did you style your hair like that today? What a... choice! It could only suit you." "I was thinking the same about yours, Rachael, no one else could pull off something like that."

ON THE TOPIC OF RACHAEL THOUGH

She would flirt with him. Imagine it's like... idk a family get-together and there's a lot of extended family present. Stephanie didn't really want to go, but she does because it's good for Zach Jr to see family and while Stephanie is sorting out Zach Jr, Zach Sr is just chilling in the kitchen waiting with his Wife's drink.

Rachael saunters in, maybe a few too many drinks in than she should be, and comes to stand in front of Zach. She watching him with a furtively coy stare with the slightest attempt of a flirtatious upturn of her lips and sucks on the straw of her drink. Zach isn't even looking at her. He's just doing his job of keeping his eye on his wife's drink and speaking with those who deserve his time.

She tries flirting a little more overtly, and it would be this that catches his attention because like??? This bitch? really being so forward?

I don't think she'd take lightly being shut down, probably still got that stereotypically snotty popular girl attitude of 'every man thinks I'm god's gift' and she thinks 'he wants me, not my step-sister'. Being told no would probably lead to her having a petulant reaction.

I also don't think even marriage would stop Rachael from flirting with him - I imagine her bagging such a lovely guy but she treats him like shit. She's that kind of person. Probably ends up divorced and the ex-husband finds someone better and lives happily. Good for him, Steph and Zach would think, and he dodged a bullet.

Let me know if there's anything else you'd add!! This was fun to think about 😎

[mingot-studios]

We all love soft fluffy, found love Lawlu...but I've been thinking....what if it ends up being not good?

TW: Suicide, self-harm, depression mention

When i mean "not good" i dont mean like, abusive (well not physically or anything like that) I mean like, Law ends becoming emotionally dependent on Luffy. Like, he he thinks Luffy is like his Manic Pixie Dream Boy, and no he's not a stalker or control freak, the thing is law ends up becoming horribly depressed when Luffy isnt around and starts engaging in self destructive behavior because Luffy is the only one since Cora-San to actually love him flaws and all but the problem is that he doesn't love himself and doesnt think he deserves love yet Luffy still loves him anyway but Law hates himself and wants and needs Luffy there because he makes him forget how much he hates himself but he knows he cant be there with him all the time and would never try to force Luffy to stay with him because he knows that Luffy wouldn't like it so he just wallows in his self hate because all that self hate comes flooding back in after Luffy leaves since Law doesnt try to get help he just represses it and uses luffy as just a way to temporarily forget about it. And Luffy ends up worrying himself sick about Law when he's not there because he knows Law doesnt do well when he's not there to make sure he doesnt try to throw himself into the ocean or crush his own heart and it starts taking a toll on him emotionally because he loves Law and doesn't want him to die just because he wasn't there to protect him from himself. And it kinda starts this bad cycle where Law is happy when Luffy's around Luffy keeps him safe and then they part ways and Law just becomes (well not "becomes" he is depressed, Luffy just makes him forget it for a bit) and either won't get out of bed for anything, relapsing into destructive behaviors, and at worst becoming so lost in his depression he actually attempts to kill himself because he wants to see Luffy and he knows he will but the wait is too long and starts thinking that it might never come and tries to end it but then Luffy does come and it's a light in the darkness but then he'll leave and Law is left in the dark again, stuck in this reapeating cycle. Meanwhile Luffy's constant concern for Law's well being when he's not with him takes a toll on him. He'll sometimes just sit by the den den mush for HOURS waiting to get, praying that Law is alright and he'll sit through the night waiting because he knows that the Heart Pirates would tell him something really bad happened to Law and poor Luffy is just exhausted in everyway and he's knows it's hurting him but he can't just leave Law who knows what he would do to himself if he left and loves and doesnt even want to leave him but he just wants to know thaat Law will be safe when he's not there to stop him......

[sheanam]

Oh boy oh boy, I don’t need to be asked twice [rolls up sleeves]

Thank you, and thanks for the question! Since you asked, and since I’ve gotten a fair amount of new followers here and over at the webcomic itself over the past half a year, here’s a quick little rundown post!

Outliers is a webcomic about the people you never see in regular comic book stories. Most stories, really, but it tends to be particularly glaring in superhero and assorted other scifi/fantasy/etc. comic books. In a cliche comic world full of people with super powers and aliens and magic and mutant monsters and all sorts of other nonsense, it’s about people trying to live their dang lives without getting caught up in it all or becoming collateral damage.

Average human citizens, people with useless or unwanted powers who aren’t fit to be heroes/villains or who never wanted to be one in the first place, people who don’t have a chiseled superhero physique, people who aren’t straight or cis, people with disabilities, et cetera. A slice-of-life/romantic comedy comic about the, y’know, outliers of this society.

There’s an assortment of characters who star in it, but it mainly comes down to three main duos/groups as the main characters:

The main couple and stars of Outliers so far are Walter Corvi and Zachary “Chary” Milford. Walt’s a gay nonbinary man who has very strong super powers (he/they can turn into a giant wereraven bird monster) but who chooses to live as an ordinary citizen, and Chary’s a bi regular human dude who got caught in the crossfire of a supervillain attack and works as a lawyer who serves metahumans in need on behalf of their therapy group. They currently live in Port Exemplar, a big hub city and basis for metahuman law & regulation somewhere between Portland and Seattle. They’ve been dating for quite a few years now, are in their early thirties and are just trying to do their best, y’know? Please let them have a dinner date in peace.

Another main couple are Hector “Heck/Heckie” Barclay (née McCabe) and Jamie Barclay. They’re a Scottish married gay couple in their early forties, now living in the US. They’ve known each other since they were young children in a metahuman-prep school in Glasgow, where they were Sent Just In Case, though both of them have pretty useless powers and live as ordinary citizens. They’re asexual and Jamie’s intersex, and have A Lot of history together as they figured things out throughout their youth. Heckie teaches (very opinionated) UK history as a local community college a couple days a week, and Jamie was a rock musician with a bright shining future and rising star until his chronic pain & fatigue disability became too much and he had to retire.They’ve had some hard knocks but are pretty happy, and have a few kids to boot, Kirstie and Doug.

Last but not least, the third main group! Edmund Irving Rudyard Hawke II (more like 2.0) is the exact genetic clone of the original late Edmund Hawke, the very rich and very powerful and very evil CEO of Hawke Industries (think Lex Luthor and his ilk), artificially aged to twenty-something adulthood to take over the company, as per Hawke Sr.’s will. Much to the disappointment of HI’s Board Of Directors and assorted connected ne’er-do-wells, Edmund turned out absolutely nothing like his “father” personality wise. He’s sweet, cheerful, boisterously supportive, very aware of his privilege, and likes being with people and doing nice things for people. Grey-aro and extremely gay as well, but that’s beside the point. He has a rough time being stuck in a rough situation, but when a married trans couple consisting of Dustin Smalls and his best friend/wife/nesting partner Pam Flores cross paths with him and Dustin becomes Edmund’s personal assistant and Something More, things take a real turn.

These three different storyline threads will come together into one Some Day, which I hope I can manage before I’m old and decrepit! I haven’t drawn much recently and the Outliers comic hasn’t updated since December due to irl Reasons, unfortunately, but I can promise you all it’s still a thing. I think about these characters and my comic constantly, and have finally been getting into a place again where I can get back to working on stuff properly! Slowly, but surely.

Thanks y’all for the interest, and I hope you stick around to see what’s coming! I’m doing my best to make a comic about the sorts of characters and stories I want to see and that usually get pretty terrible rep, so here’s hoping it all goes well in the end!

[universe-in-the-void-in-the-cube]

I think I figured out my core problem in life.

Drama! 

And before you get up on me for it, just take a breather and listen to me while I’ll explain myself.

For as long as I can remember all I have known is negativity, stress and drama in my life. Basic timeline of my life.

Age 2 to 3 - As my first memories I lived in cockroach infested apartment complex, inhaled lead based paint fumes and I broken my wrist from climbing up a slide backwards. 

Age 3 to 4 -  Moved into a shitty 70s build trailer house in tornado prone Oklahoma experience in tornadoes for the first time and getting lost in the mall. 

Age of 4 to 5 - Moved from Oklahoma to Washington. Lived with grandparents before my dad got a job and found us a home.

Age 5 to 8 - Moved to a new apartment complex, get bulled and beat up by the kids at school, get lost walking home from a friends house, get on the wrong public bus on the first day of kindergarten. Having to become a big sister to a new baby girl and experiencing my first major volcanic eruption. Yes I lived in Tacoma when the 1980 eruption of Mt. St. Helens happened. 

Age 8 to 9 - Get beat up and bullied at school so badly that CPS was called and I was taken away from my parents and placed in a foster home with abusive foster parents the refused to let me drink ANY liquids and made me sleep on the floor with cockroaches, mice and rats for a week. Before being move to my grandparents for the summer then to a new foster home with a foster mother that had dementia before being returned to my parents January 1st of the following year. And transforming schools as well and forced to go to therapy that seemed a bit off.

Age 9 to 11 - Move back in with parents, mother blames me for being taken away by CPS, tells me that I am to old to play with toys of any kind and force to go to therapy that somehow didn’t feel quite right. Mom goes through her first religious zealot stage. And I broke my left leg, underneath the kneecap on Valentine’s day of all days, and the doctors office didn’t think I broke it and had me on a damn splint for a week till my parents took me to the major children’s hospital where they did tons more x-rays than my normal doctors office did and found out I did brake my leg. And when they took off the cast the first time they realized they set my leg wrong and had to rebreak it and reset it so I have knee problems till this day.

Age 11 to 12 - Forced to move again because new apartment complex owners kicked every one out, and had to live with my dad’s brother, his brother’s wife and 4 cousins in a one bedroom house with the basement converted to 4 bedrooms that had a bad problem of getting flooded when there was to much rain. Get transferred to a new school that was so backwards that my education and grades nosed dived and badly, and moving to two homes in less than a year. As well as starting my period for the first time.

Age 12 to 14 - Go to middle school for the first time, get bullied again and sexually harassed and totally confused about things and mom goes through religious zealot stage 2 and start getting emotionally and mentally abused by my mother. My grades drop even more. Wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend.

Age 14 to 18 - Go high school, grades improved, mother becomes more controlling to the point I wasn’t allowed to go to school games, participate in sports or any other extra curricular activities, or any school dances. (I missed out on both my Jr. Prom and Sr. Ball), finally allowed to have a boyfriend who cheated on me with 4 other girls, 3 of which were my friends all at the same time. Mom ended up having throat cancer and a month after she had surgery my parents had to stay in an apartment in Seattle for chemo, my sister had to stay with my grandparents in another town and I lived at home alone as a latch key kid. Then my dad has a heart attack and I was the first one to be called and I had to call the entire family and I was by myself with no one to comfort me.

Age 18 to 19 - Graduate high school, my grandpa dies, get caught shop lifting, go to jail for a month, forced to go to Job Corps, met my husband, get kicked out of Job Corp and move back home, mom kicks me out to move is my future husband’s alcoholic step dad for a week, almost get raped by the prick, come home a week later get married. New husband’s mother visits me and my mom kicks me out of the house again and forces me to live with my mother-in-law who was a nasty alcoholic at the time while husband was still at Job Corp.

Age 19 to 25 - Live with mother-in-law, get in to fights, go to jail for domestic violence, get extremely sick with the stomach flu and almost die with an 105 temp and extremely dehydrated, and end up hurting my back by falling down the stairs hitting the area between my tail bone and lower back twice causing me to have back problems till this day. Go to collage as my husband goes to jail for writing bad checks and end up going through the first hints of emotional brake down.

Age 25 to 27 - Move into my first apartment with my husband alone. Have a slum lord as a landlord, first major blizzard and ice storm, get on SSI, doing good till one day I was cutting up meat and suddenly had the urge to cut myself. AKA my first psychological brake. Go to mental health after that. 

Age 27 to 32 - Move to my second apartment, having unintentional roommates put on me and my husband, then 911 happens, then get a series of earthquakes in the city I live in, get the room makes moved out, get a new one for a while that meets the cunt that ruined my life, get the dick head on again off again roommate and having to constantly deal with his shit, my dad dies, then my grandmother dies, get an inheritance, the cunt my second roommate knows gets jealous and accused my husband of being a pedo and arranges the situation by bribing the cops that interviewed my husband (since the detective on my husband’s case was friend with the cunt’s mother) and the judges with her mother’s money, husband goes to prison for 5 and a half years.

Age 32 to 40 - Living without my husband, on again off again roommate gets so drunk that he threatens to kill me so get a restraining order on him. Get coned by an asshole which causes me to loose money, computer and laptop brake, car gets stolen, have to sell the car or get it towed when I get the car back, have the asshole roommate move back in. Having to deal with his bullshit with his family and girlfriend to the point they are all living with me and my property gets stolen.

Age 40 to 45 - Husband gets out of jail, he is forced to not live with me or I will end up losing my housing. He ends up getting a job and everything is good. I get thyroid problem, sex drive plummets and he ends up cheating on me and getting the girl he was fucking pregnant, deal with my asshole roommate with is asshole girlfriend who are both addicted to meth and badly and do drugs in my home, more stuff get stolen. Find out that I am infertile and can never have kids when my husband told me what he did, get new management in the apartment complex that I live at for almost 20 years, they give me hell and force me to find a home in less than 30 days and do tons of illegal stuff to me and other tenants in the complex to the point one had their cancer (which was under remission) come back and kill the poor man causing him to die of cancer. 

Age 45 to 47 - Find a new apartment thanks to the old realtor company, still have the asshole roommate move in with me, losing about half of all my clothes and being in debt for a few months thanks to husband and the new realtors of the old apartment. Go to the hospital under suicide watch because of all the stress. then Covid 19 happens, drives my roommate to controlling situation and abusing me mentally and emotionally till I am nothing but an empty shell of a human being. Finally had enough, get a new restraining order on him, deal with a bed bug problem and feel like I am not going to make it then heater goes out then the lights and I have a nasty mental brake down and end up getting psychological help.

Age 47 to current - Get the bed bug problem fixed, get he heater fixed, roommate no longer lives with me, I am going to therapy and improving every day. All my bills are paid in full, I have food in my kitchen and enjoying life finally. The first time in my life I have never experienced stress and that negative aura of doom and gloom around me. But... it scares me since I am waiting for the other boot to drop since my life has NEVER been this peaceful and good EVER!!!

So because of this revelation. I believe that negativity, drama and stress is normal for me because that is all I have known in my life. To have a peaceful and content life is so abnormal and strange to me that it feels wrong and bad and I should feel guilty. Hell I do feel a strange sense of guilt to. But I shouldn’t feel that way. I should feel happy. So I need to be reprogramed so I can convinced that my current situation is what life should be and can be for me. Not doom and glove negative aura cloud surrounding me like a thick fog.

[mathbread0]

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What does LGD 4033 do?

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Adverse effects of RAD-140 are mostly unknown due the absence of human tests as well as was just first defined in 2010 by Miller et alia, established by Distance Health and wellness. It is widely approved that negative effects are likewise dose reliant. Firstly, Cadarine is not a Selective Androgen Receptor Modulator yet instead is a Peroxisome Proliferator-Activated Receptor Delta receptor agonist. It is frequently classified or grouped with SARMs from a sales as well as marketing perspective. The receptor plays a vital role in human metabolism and aids regulated genetics that assist take care of the transport as well as oxidation of fatty acids.

Some sarms such as cardarine and sr9009 are best for cutting, and also various other sarms such as ostarine and also s4 are versatile, as well as can be utilized to either shed fat or develop muscle. The elegance of this stack as well as sarms as a whole is their adaptability in just how they can be utilized to suit different desires and also objectives. Buy best quality peptides Direct Norway am a strong proponent with using the three-way pile since it permits a user to include top quality and also clean amounts of lean muscle while still being to able to drop body fat. The greatest done in one sarm pile of mk677, mk2866, cardarine & lgd. This pile is excellent for a person that wants to get lean and more muscular without the healing problems of making use of hormones.

Medicine screening for SARMs is now common practice in sports yet was unqualified as late as 2016. Ostarine has a half-life of 24 hr or 23.8 hrs to be exact nevertheless no research study can be discovered that definitively reveals the detection time.

Ostarine is classed as an anabolic agent by the Globe Anti-Doping Agency, which reported a reduced 28 adverse logical findings across sporting activity in its 2016 Screening Numbers Report.

It helps bodybuilders as well as other athletes make faster gains from their training, with its reducing and bulking impacts.

It is a Selective Androgen Receptor Modulator established as Enobosarm by pharmaceutical company GTX to deal with conditions entailing muscle wastage or osteoporosis.

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SARMs, or careful androgen receptor modulators, are medicines that influence muscle mass development, frequently used in the muscle building community.

Piling produces a synergistic approach to raising lean muscle mass whilst lowering body fat.

Wallhead is a UFC boxer, so is controlled by USADA, in spite of being based in the UK ... However, which programs of this assists Jimmy Wallhead, who was blindsided with use of a supplement that really did not checklist ostarine as a component on the label. Wallhead has been authorized to the UFC, which is not a signatory to the World Anti-Doping Code, for concerning 18 months. USADA agreed to run the UFC's anti-doping program on 1 July 2015, an arrangement that was complimented by WADA. Unless you are a drug store or an anti-doping official, the possibilities are that you will not have become aware of ostarine. Neither had Jimmy Wallhead, a Ultimate Battling Championship competitor based in Loughborough, UK. Yet he was approved with a nine month restriction after a supplement he had actually made use of was discovered to contain the material. The mechanistic basis of the cells discerning activities of SARMs is badly recognized, although numerous devices have actually been proposed.

4way consists of ostarine, mk-677, ligandrol and also cardarine in one product - so you can anticipate amazing cause a short timescale, while additionally saving cash contrasted to getting them individually And I EXTREMELY ADVISE THEM, 4 way sarm pile. Careful androgen receptor modulators are utilized by bodybuilders and powerlifters to increase fat loss, increase muscular tissue mass, as well as boost body toughness. They are also used to fix up injuries, boost muscular tissue and also bone toughness, and also enhance the sense of well-being. Some body builders also utilize SARMs in between anabolic steroid cycles, prohormone cycles, as well as testosterone cycle for post cycle treatment or as much safer alternatives to these substances. Unlike anabolic steroids, which bind to androgen receptors in lots of cells all over the body, individual sarms precisely bind androgen receptors in certain tissues, but not in others. Careful androgen receptor modulators-- or sarms for short-- are a rather brand-new classification of drugs that have the capacity to offer every one of the advantages of anabolic steroids without many of the side effects.

There is no need for healing supplements when utilizing these 2 sarms considering that they don't act on the body the same way hormones would. In spite of it being a fairly mild sarm, it's actually truly strong. You will see a lot of researchers pile andarine with ostarine to develop a synergic impact.

It deserves keeping in mind at a PCT is possibly needed as a result of its ability to decrease FSH, LH as well as Testosterone degrees. When S23 was offered to male rats it caused a 100% infertility rate. Yet the majority of surprisingly sperm matter returned to regular after finishing S23, and also rats resumed mating at 100% pregnancy rates. Nevertheless, excessive S23 caused sperm counts to turn around the first result and sustained sperm manufacturing. Because of this we are unable to categorise its results and also prospective outcomes. YK-11 to start with is not a SARM, look into our short article on YK-11 for an extra in depth evaluation. YK-11 was sadly mislabeled as a SARM when in fact it is a new artificial steroid that has just had In-Vitro researches done on it.

[crqstalite]

From the prompt list? I'm sending in something simple with will, hopefully, just go in any direction you want. And that's "Always." For whichever pairing you wish :)

posting this before i chicken out, because i’ve been at this for like eight hours already lol. trying my hand at a little shakarian [petrakarian, in this case], and there’s a sprinkle of happiness if you squint ;)

edit: i’ve also never written garrus before honestly. definitely tried my best but i’m sure there are mistakes in there somewhere. regardless, happy to provide.

pairing: brione petrakis/garrus vakarian. word count: 2,611

-

She's putting it off. Leaving, as it was.

Honestly, she doesn't know why. Her bags are all packed, her dress blues are pressed and folded on the cot next to her. Her datapad has been prepped to send all of her reports straight to Alliance Command. Yet she's left her comb in her duffel, hair decidedly unbrushed around her shoulders, still sitting in her fatigues and they're only an hour out from the Citadel. She could be in the crew quarters, going over any possible assignments they could give her. She could be trying to get another couple of winks in. Anything other than being here, and desperately hanging on to what felt like the last thing she had in the galaxy.

It would've been so much easier not to be here right now, but nothing in the last year had been easy. It's harder to force herself out, hell she's been sleeping in here for the last week or so.

The lights flicker just above her, the battery still stuttering in a way that frustrated Garrus to no end. Not that they had much need for it these days, but she'd offered to take a look at it. He'd been content to let her sit nearby. Talking about trivial things during the first few days after the suicide mission with some of her senses glossed over by pain meds, maybe more than a little wine in their systems. Then it waned into painful silence as they grew closer to the station, wine bottle empty and all sentiments aired. All the things she knows she can't say, all the things she wants to.

She rolls another bandage around her hand, pulling taut. It'd been her good hand too, a lucky shot taken by a Collector that had left her unable to snipe properly during the last leg of the base assault. Still bruised and trying it's hardest to bleed through. Mordin hadn't been there to do it properly, so it had been her, hearing gunshots against the barrier they'd set up, blood gushing from her hand with Garrus asking her if she was alright. Medi-gel spilling from her shaking hands, only being able to offer suppressing fire with her Carnifex before Shepard told them to retreat. Her wrist whined from the motion, and she barely catches a blue eye darting between her and the UI when she groans.

"Still bothering you?" His voice is softer than usual when she catches him in the act, hands stilling over the keyboard, "Chakwas should really take a look at that."

"She can once we're back in Alliance space," Brione haphazardly cuts off the end of it, tucking it under one of the other wraps. She tests a smile with the nearly healed scar on her lip, "Besides, you're the one who was apparently up and fighting with Shepard not even two days after you nearly died, Garrus."

Another beat of silence before he starts again, mandibles flaring as he sighs. Exasperated with her, maybe. He'd been bothering her about it for days now, usually asking how it was and if she needed anything, "We Turians are a bit hardier than our human counterparts," He gestures to the scarred side of his head, bandage recently removed. "Brione-"

"Don't." She lays the gauze down next to her, unable to meet his eyes. She doesn't want to think about the fact these are their last days together, the fact this could very well be the last time she hears him say her name. There wasn't much guaranteed after their non-human crewmembers stepped off the ship, nothing saying he had to stay with her, even over light years separating them, "I'll see Chakwas once, once everyone is gone. Shepard will have my head if I lose a hand before we get there anyway."

"You can't hide in here forever, Brione," Is all he says, giving her a concerned look but finishing his diagnostics on the console first, "No reason in putting it off."

This talk has been a week coming. He hesitates, unsure of himself while she tries to will the tears away, turning away from him. What was she, six? She could handle a suicide mission (which they'd all nearly died on), so why was saying goodbye, saying see you later, saying that she'd see him again soon so hard? She was a captain of the Alliance military, not a babbling schoolgirl with a crush.

Except, that's what it felt like, navigating a relationship with him. She'd downright giggled at something he'd told her.

Does he know just how much he means to her?

It wasn't as if extranet access would be blocked for her when she got back to Earth. By every law that Shepard had learned (and in turn exploited) surprisingly quickly, most of the human operatives aboard the SR-2 wouldn't be arrested under the same duress she would be. Brione could still send messages to Palaven, could still say hello every once and a while.

Hello wasn't the same as being able to sit in a comfortable silence with one at the console, the other completing her daily reports with her legs folded under her, hair tied up in a messy bun at the base of neck. Hello wasn't the same as finding leftovers from the dinner prepared earlier and pulling all-nighters just to spend some time together.

Brione wasn't sure when this had turned into more, when she had started to want more. When she couldn't think of a tomorrow without him. At first, she'd just entertained it as little more than a fling, if she was going to die at the end of the year, then she could cross a few things off her bucket list. And, he was a friend. They'd met a few years before the SR-1, a one off meeting during her shore leave. Then they'd been squadmates, fighting their way through waves and waves of Geth, two snipers snipping at each other for their aim. It boggled the mind that it'd been so quick after Alchera, that she started to discover little things about him when she had little else to do. The small visits about the battery that turned into hour long conversations once she'd rejoined the Normandy. One or the other venting about a minor problem or a large one they'd held onto for so long they'd made a joke of it.

He'd patiently listened when she recounted the dressing down she'd been given after Torfan and the therapy sessions she'd attended afterwards. That, she'd never told anyone about in detail. Hated reliving the day, but it slipped from her mouth so easily while she'd been sitting on the crates. Then she'd sipped on some sort of tea Shepard had picked up on the Citadel, listening to him about Sidonis, about his time on Omega in general. That by the time they were within range of the relay, she'd simply decided she didn't want to let go. That there wasn't anyone like him, that there was so much left that she still wanted. They'd spent the night on the cot he'd dragged in here sometime ago, and she'd never felt so alive.

Then they'd survived. And then there was a whole new life expanding before her, with the Reapers looming over them. But she'd lived, they'd lived, and now she wasn't sure what they were. It wasn't a fling anymore, but she didn't know where he fit into her life.

Whether he wanted to fit in her life. She's sure he could have just about anyone, and he hadn't seemed too upset, giving her the way out of asking whether she wanted something closer to home.

How did he become her home? It could've been anywhere else, on Earth, in London, on the Citadel. But instead, it was a certain Garrus Vakarian.

"This isn't -- it isn't the end, Brione, not if you don't want it to be," He holds a hand out to her, "If I know Shepard, and I'd assume I do, she'll get us back into the thick of it within a couple months. If that."

"That might be a little optimistic," She responds, toying with her hair for a moment before grasping his hand, pulling herself up off the cot to look at him properly. She gently holds a hand against the scarred side of his head, brushing the rough plates with her thumb, "I would've been rather stupid to think this would last forever, running into the sunset. I'm just glad we had what we did, Garrus."

He leans into her touch, his other arm snaking around her waist. Why did it have to be him that she'd become attached to? The first person that'd make her feel more like a living being than a cold blooded killer that remained a few seconds from death every time she stepped off the ship?

Why is he all she can think about these days?

"I," He pauses again, "I'll always just be a comm away. If that's what you want, of course."

"Always, hm?" She asks, "Don't know how timezones work from Earth to Palaven, but if you haven't noticed, I'm not much of sleeping person. You could lose a lot of it, talking to me. But you've never minded it before now, I guess."

"It'd be better than nothing." He responds, when she drops her hand and instead pulls him closer to her. Maybe it's not the most comfortable with him in armor, and her still regularly needing their dwindling supply of pain meds, but she just wants to feel something, anything. She can't go back to the way things were, alone, and cold in an alliance apartment with nothing but her next meal going for her.

"I don't want to leave you, Garrus," She admits, her voice cracking. Brione won't cry, she wills herself not to, even as the dam strains against them, "You, damn you, you're...everything."

"You're...lovely yourself, Brione. Not like I'm itching to leave either, not when everything's already going right for once," He responds, the words thrumming through what she thinks are Turian subvocals. If Turians even can whisper, she's pretty sure he is while gently running his hands through her hair, then trailing down her back, "But I'm not sure I look all that good in...what was it Shepard called it? 'Jumpsuit orange'? Not sure how friendly the Alliance would be to me either."

"Probably not very," She tries to laugh, tries to force anything out at all, but instead all she gets is a choking sound that she could compare to a varren. A rogue tear slips out anyway, and all she hopes for is that Garrus can't see it. Why is she falling apart? Why now? She has a million and three battles under her belt, and this is what shatters her? Not a shotgun, not a scion, but this.

She'd said goodbye to so many people before. To her various adoptive parents over the years, her old COs, even Alenko more recently. None of them destroyed her like this was.

Relationships. They're impossible. They're weaknesses and vulnerabilities that your enemies are just waiting to take advantage of. Even more if your's is a cross-species liaison, one that shouldn't have become everything that it was now.

Brione doesn't want to live without him.

She can't bring herself to say it out loud, so she doesn't. He holds her a little while longer, they don't say anything but reassuring the other all would be well. Or at least they try, and it dissolves until silence when there isn't anything to say but repeat themselves ten times over. They sit for a while after that, time whittling down all the while. Her hands fit a bit oddly in his, but she can't find herself wanting to let go all the while.

Shepard's voice comes over the comm with a timer on their arrival, and she has to pick up her things, fastening the last button on her jacket and throwing her duffel bag over her shoulder. Garrus offers her one last lingering forehead touch when they reach the airlock, and she kisses him softly, knowing if she stays any longer, she won't be able to leave.

But she does. She has to be able to.

She sees him off, the glint of his blue armor the last thing she sees. She thinks she's the perfect picture of someone who was trying (and inwardly failing) to stay afloat with a forced grin and a wave as he walks off. Brione doesn't care, as much as the crew teases her about calibrations in more than one capacity. A few get a smile out of her, but she feels numb the rest of the way to Earth.

Cold. It settles in like an all too familiar blanket. The chill of not really seeing the faces of the people around her, nor acknowledging what they had to say.

She slips back into her normal routines, after the hearing. Doesn't even realize it at first, but without her usual visits to someone who wasn't dolled up in Alliance blue, there's nothing to it. She's shuttled back to the Citadel after a month, sent to work with Udina. A liaison to Alliance and from the Council, is effectively her job description. It's like clockwork, sleep, work, find something to eat if she was feeling physically up to it, work until she couldn't, then reluctantly sleep again. Fix up her sniper rifle on the weekends, take it to a range to keep herself sharp.

There's no Turian on her six though. No one there to bother her that her shot is off just a few inches so that clips the outside of the target.

She sees his face in every single one that walks by until they all blur together. She hears his voice in every C-SEC officer that speaks to Udina, to her.

It isn't until two months later that she receives a mail on her comm. Right in the middle of another one of Udina's tirades about the lack of Council support and funding, she opens it like any other email she'd received before. Calculating, tired, she reads over the sender, the subject line and is halfway through scrolling through it when the glaze over her eyes recedes and she realizes just who it is. Her breath catches in her throat, taking her leave for the afternoon.

She finally gets a call after work that day. And just as suspected, it keeps her up all night. There's so much to say, so much that she hadn't known. Her new job, his new task force. And yet, he still seems so indescribably happy to see her. That her eyes are barely being held open to focus on him, but that he's here, as much as he can be.

"Sure you don't want to take back that offer of always being on the other end of the comm? Now that we've done it, I might get a taste for it," She says, yawning as she absentmindedly rubs an eye. Udina will give her shit for being there late in the morning (in a couple hours really), but she doesn't care.

"As long as you want me to be," He nods, "Well, hopefully you don't start calling me at the oddest hours of the night or in the middle of meetings, but always, yes."

"Hm. I'll file it under consideration," She perches her head on her palm, taking in every detail the vid would let her, "Always?"

"Always. Now get some sleep, Brione," His voice softens, mandibles flaring into a smile as her vision blurs, "Good night."

Five months after that, communication to Palaven goes dark. The Reapers attack, and she watches wide-eyed as they touch down in Earth.

And her always becomes an empty promise with every refugee she watches come in during the days afterwards.

Garrus is not among them.

[kimmie113080]

Refusing to Yield Chapter 36

This is based on real life. Just names have been changed to protect the person identity. There is mention of all types abuse. If trig, please don’t read it. Reader get into a relationship with Kim Seokjin and Min Yoongi but all BTS is in this series. There are other people mentioned in this series.  

Ann yes, Dr. Storm let me look at your records from a kid and we will go from there okay. I am okay with that Dr. Storm. Okay let’s get you sitting on the bed. Let’s see Ann if you can pick your legs up an inch off the bed. That sound like a plan Sam. I only want you doing it once with each leg. I am okay with that Sam. Good let’s see you try it. Ann how did that feeling picking them up. A little dull pain in the lower back but not much.

Okay good now let’s laying you down again. I can do that for everyone. Ann would you like something like for dinner. Yes, I would like a salad Bryan please. Ann yes, Bryan about we try some toast first, and if you keep that down. I will make you a salad. How does that sound to you. Sound like a plan to me Bryan. An hour later Bryan asked Ann you still want the salad. Yes, Bryan I do still want a salad can you put a little meat on it for me.

Yes, Ann I can put some meat on it for you. Ann yes, Bryan if you start feeling a little sick please stopping eating and let me okay. I can do that for you Bryan. I was able to eat the whole salad and keep it down. Ann yes, Uncle Carl I talked to your mother knows you had back surgery and how it went. Thank you, Uncle Carl for doing that for me. It was not a problem. Uncle Bill phone is ringing. Thank you, Ann. Mom and dad what is wrong?

Do you know where Ann is? Yes, I am with her now. Thank god you are with Ann. What is going on mom. Frank called us stating he was at the hospital with Ann because she had back surgery today. Mom let me put you on hold for a chance of seconds. Okay Bill not a problem. Ann yes, Uncle Bill my parents are looking for you. Why are they looking for me Uncle Bill? Frank called them and told them you had back surgery today.

Do they know about the stay away order I have against him. Yes, Ann they know about it. Plus, they are glad you have it against him. They heard anything the night in San Diego. They disowned Frank has their son after they heard anything. I would like to meet them if it is okay with everyone else. Ann yes, papa m that is your right to meet your step grandparents. Ann yes, Uncle Bill they have been wanting to meet you.  I told them it was your decision if you wanted to meet them. How did they take hearing that from you.

They said it is Ann’s right to yes or no on meeting us. Plus, whatever she decides we will not have a problem with. Uncle Bill can you please invite them over here. Yes, Ann I can do that for you. Let them know I am home because what Frank did and if they have a problem with it please do not them come here to start on me. I will put it on speaker Ann, so you can hear everything I say to them. Thank you, so much Uncle Bill. I told you will stand up for you with my family. Mom yes, Bill Ann would like you to come over to her home, so she can meet you guys. If Ann just had back surgery, why is she home.

Ann did not feel safe in the hospital after one of the nurses was giving information out to David, Frank, Jim on her mother side, and Steve. They showed up at the hospital trying to get her back today again. We can understand that. Because we shocked when Frank called us and told us he was at the hospital with Ann. Bill do you think it would be better if we came tomorrow to see Ann? This way she can relax and get more calm after dealing with Frank at the hospital. No, Ann would like to meet you both today. Okay just text the address to us. We while be over there soon. Okay see you both soon.

Ann yes, Dr. Storm we are going to get you out of bed tomorrow and have you walk a little. I am okay with that. Sam yes, Dr. Storm do you have your gain belt with you? Yes, I have the belt with me. I will not put it on Ann. Why will you not use it on me Sam? There are two reason why I will not use it on you. First reason you just had surgery today and second reason you have a drainage tube. I will not slide you down my knee with you having staples in your back and the drainage tube in. Once the staples and the tube are gone then I might use it on you.

I will only use it. When I feel comfortable sliding you down my knee or anyone else will not hurt you. Can you understand my thinking Dr. Storm? Yes, I can Sam. Dr. Storm yes, Sam I only work with people doing physical therapy with spine conditions. That is why Bryan wanted me to work with Ann. The two exercises land therapy did on Ann are only supposed to be done if someone has a pulled back muscle not bulging discs. What two exercises did land therapy have you do Ann? The plank and superman. Ann yes, Dr. Storm did you start having more problems right after you did those exercises.

Dr. Storm yes Kookie Ann started complaining about her right leg after she did both. It was not until three weeks later we learned the discs had herniated. Ann did you go back to the doctor’s after that no. It was not until the day we learned papa m was my real dad. Kookie did they have Ann’s medical reports in first of them while Ann was doing physical therapy. Yes, they did have Ann’s records in front of them. Once the second therapist got involved, he told us land would do more damage. What doctor order the therapy? Pain management order the order the land therapy then switched it to aqua therapy after the second therapist called him. Carl yes, Andy need those medical records?

Andy why what is wrong? I do not know yet, but I have a bad feeling about that pain management doctor. Dr. Storm explain why you are saying that. I think that pain management doctor messed up big time. Pain management does not send someone with bulging discs to land therapy at all. Sam yes, Dr. Storm are you going after the first therapist for not looking at the medical records the right way. Yes, I am because the herniated a disc might have been able to be prevent. Ann landing in the wheelchair is the pain management fault for not paying attendance to the medical reports. Ann yes Dr. Storm would you please let Sam and I handle physical therapy and the pain management doctor? Yes, I will let both of you handle them.

Good once we get their reports. We will know more and how to handle it better. Thank you, both for doing that for me. Ann yes, Sam I told before I was going after that therapist. There is a knock on the door. I will get the door Uncle Bill said. Hi mom and dad I heard Uncle Bill say. Bill is Ann okay being here? Yes, mom she is a lot calmer and relax since she came home. Ann was to nervous for us to transfer to another hospital.

The surgeon is staying here just to make sure Ann is recovering good. Okay has long as Ann in safe and calm that is all we care about. We had security measures set up at the hospital, but two staff members broke the law. Your aunt called us after Frank did. It seems a family member still does not believe Frank did all that stuff to Ann growing up. She would not tell me who is helping him. We want to help with security measures also. Let me introduce to everyone and we can go from there okay mom. Yes, please I want to meet Ann. Mom and dad this is Ann your step-granddaughter.

Ann this my mom and dad. I am sorry Mrs. Brown if I would have known you were Frank mom. I would have told you who I was sooner. Ann honey it is okay sweety. I did not put the connection together with our last name either. Plus, you were so scared being in the shelter. I just remember you telling that if you’re not safe with your family either. Ann can I hug? Yes, nana you can hug me. Joy is the young woman you talked about being in the shelter.

Yes, Bill this is her. The one I told I felt bad for because she had no family to help. I am glad Jin kept his promise to me that day you left the shelter. Jin what promise did you make to my mom? I promise her I would not let Ann go through anything alone again. I what to thank you all taking good care of Ann. Mom yes, Bill this is Mike Ann real dad. Judge Carl what are you doing here? Well Bill Sr. I am the one who gave Ann the stay away orders and been giving Ann extra support when she needs it. I told Ann she can call me Uncle Carl.

Uncle Carl you know my pop? Ann yes, Uncle Mark I also know your pop too. Carl is this the Ann you were talking about in August meeting up with her on tour. Yes, Bill this is Ann I was talking about. Ann your pop is the one who covered my cases while I was on tour with you guys. My pop is a judge too. Yes, Ann I am a judge also. Uncle Mark how do you know my pop also. Since Carl and I are good friend your pop is the one handled all the legal stuff for Chris to be able to live with us. Mark have you been helping also protecting my granddaughter.

Yes, I have Bill Sr. since the day she left to go on tour all the way until now. I asked my nephew to be the air marshal for all flights from Philadelphia until they came home. Chris is also helping protect Ann since in San Diego until now. Thank you everyone for protecting our granddaughter. Nana yes, Ann what were you saying to Uncle Bill about someone in the family still helping Frank and you want to help with security measures. Ann did you tap into the security system. Mom and dad Ann can hack security systems and not alert anyone she is in their system. Uncle Bill no I did not. I just overheard the conservation. Sam did you tap in the system for Ann to hear?

I might have done it. Sam you were not suppose tell anyone I asked you to do that for me. Since Sam let the cat out of the bag. I asked him to hack audio for me and send it to everyone phone. I figured no one is going to let hack while I am recovering from back surgery. I asked Sam to do it for me just make me feel a little more relax and calm. Sam is that the truth Ann asked you to do it to help relax and stay calm. Yes, Mike that is the truth. She asked me to do it after her mother parents showed up here. I told you all that I will do anything to make Ann feel safe, relax, and calm.

Mom and dad both Ann and Sam can hack security system without alerting anyone they are in there. Bill yes, little w I am the one who taught Ann how to hack back when she was living with me over 4 years ago. I think I should introduce everyone my parents do not know here. Mom and dad know who all the members of BTS is right? Yes, they are Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Hobi, Jimin, Tae, and Kookie. Okay at least you knew them. You know Carl, Mark, John, Chris, and Lisa. Yes, we know them also. Sam is Ann private physical therapist who after learning what Steve did to her when she was growing up was almost begging Bryan to protect Ann. Bryan is Ann private nurse he protect Ann over two years ago from her ex David in the hospital that he used to work for.  

Little w, Big R, Big J, Big K, little s, and little b they took Ann in over 6 six years ago when Ann had the courage to stand up to Frank and her mother. Stuff happened where David, Frank, and them were able to get Ann back. She called little w and those 5 for help. They showed up in a heartbeat to help protect Ann again. We know Tom and Jason has two of your troopers you command. Yes, I am Jason commanding officer but that is not how he knows Ann. Yes, I am also Tom commanding officer but before I knew everything that was going on. Tom and Jason asked me if they could go on tour with BTS to help protect their manager. Tom was going to arrest someone their first night in Philadelphia for slander against Ann.  Jason, Tim, Greg, Big B, little r, little k, Big S, little j, Big A, little c, Big C, and little f all went through school with Ann.

They tried protecting Ann. Plus, all their parents tried to get Ann out while she was growing up. This is Mike owner of the company BigHit and Ann’s real dad. He started protecting Ann before he knew she was his daughter. Mom and dad this Fred head of security. He has been protecting Ann for over 7 months now. Plus, he looks at Ann has his little sister. When David tracked Ann down while on the first tour with the guys. He stepped up every time they need security help. It was not until one of the old guards tried to force himself on Ann. Why Fred is so protective over Ann.

He will not leave Ann side while she is awake. Fred real sister died because of an abusive boyfriend. He could not protect his little sister from him because was already head of security for BTS. He made himself a promise if met another female is or was being abused, he protects them no matter what. He also looks at Lisa as he has another little sister. This guy is Ann’s back surgeon Andy Storm. It is nice to meet everyone. It is nice to meet you to also. Little w yes, Ann why don’t you take nana, pop, Dr. Storm in the kitchen to show them something if you still have it. Ann you made me promise not to get rid of it.

I have kept my word. Sam please cut audio fed to all phones. Sam yes, Ann I think you should go with them also to learn some information. Little w yes, Ann tell them everything. Papa m, Uncle Bill, Uncle Carl, and Uncle Mark should with them also.  Ann are you sure about this. Yes, little w because Sam, nana, pop, Uncle Mark, and Dr. Storm needs to know all of it also. Tim go with them and explain why I cannot have to females taking care of me. John and Chris should go also. Ann yes, Lisa do you think I should go also.

No, Lisa do not have to go because I need you with me more then anything. Okay Ann I will stay by your side. Sam if you still have the recording from your last visit you made to Steve. Please let nana and pop hear it. I keep it Ann just in case we need it. I will play it for them. Thank you, everyone. Ann it is not a problem whatsoever. Lisa why do not we put in you laying down with Ann, so you can get out of the chair for a while? Okay I would like that a lot.

Fred can you put Lisa on the bed with me? Yes, Ann I can do that for you. Andy, Chris, dad, John, Mark, mom, and Sam please no yelling at all. Ann is having an okay day. I would like to yep it that way. Tim why don’t you go first about Ann with females. Frank and her mother hired a female to help Ann in the bathroom when her back and legs were acting up. The female would abuse Ann in the bathroom at school. Uncle Carl did you see that report in all the records. Yes, I did Tim.

After we get done talking about Ann. We need to talk about something else. Okay we can do that Carl. Ann has a big trust issues with females. I saw that at the shelter when she was there. I was the only one Ann would come to. Ann can tell females to trust and what ones she cannot trust. Little w explains everything you know. This is going to make everyone sick who does not know yet. First let me show you pictures and listen to this recording.

You can see the cops taking their own pictures has I was taking mine. Yes, we used our daughter has a sex toy and I physically, verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused her. We did not raise him to be like that. We know that. When we had the hearing back home after she came to live with us. The pictures and recording were gone. I was not allowed to play or show the pictures in the court. Ann promise never to get rid of this stuff and I will not until she tells me to. Mrs. Brown when Ann in the shelter would she put her head down if someone asked if anything was wrong. Plus, would she eat just a little food.

Yes, Ann did that with me. I watch her eat extraordinarily little food. I thought maybe she had a special diet. If that was the case, I was going to make the diet and bring it for her. Ann told me that day bad girl do not deserve food and went to bed. Please tell they did not starve Ann. Yes, they did. I was able to get this information out of Ann a month after living with us. I got three good meals in Ann. When she started throwing up.

If Ann talk about her feeling or what was bothering her. They would tell you are a bad girl no dinner for bad girls and send her to bed. If something bad was to happen Ann would be put in the shade with no food or water so many days. Ann mother told her when bad things happen it is your fault. They only let Ann have a salad when they went out to eat. Saying guys do not like girls with meat on their bones. Ann also has PTSD. Sam play your recording for my parents. I can do that Bill. Steve what happened?

Ann got a stay away order against my dad, my mom, my uncle Jim, and myself. Why did Ann get a stay away order against you guys? My parents, uncle and I abused Ann. Plus, all the times I told you not to come over we were having sex parties. I knew you liked Ann. I knew you have done anything to protect Ann. How many of our friends were a part of that? Everyone but you. Why would you do that to Ann? She is only my half-sister.

Steve it doesn’t matter she is still your sister. I am sorry Steve, but I cannot come around you anymore. You knew how much I liked Ann. Well our training worked because she is sleeping with seven men. Ann would never sleep with seven men at once. You should see all the guys around Ann now. She is in a wheelchair now. I bet she cannot fight like she used to do before we tied down. Steve, I cannot be around you anymore. Please do not reach out to me.

Sam has been helping Ann with physical therapy and protecting also. The way they controlled Ann at the parties was done with drugs put in applesauce. We call Ann’s pills her treat and hide them in puddling or yogurt. Plus, someone needs to help Ann take them. Our granddaughter has been put through hell. She has had thought when it was at the worse of ending her life, but the right people came into her life at that ever moment. Mike with your permission we would like to help with security measures. That is okay with me, but Ann is the one with the final say. We can understand that and respect too. Sam cut security camera footage to all cell phones.

I can do that for you Judge Carl. Sam yes, Judge Carl please call me Uncle Carl except in the courtroom. I can do that Uncle Carl. Uncle Carl security footage has been cut to all cell phones. Tim please stay calm for me. I will try Uncle Carl. I run a background check on all staff at the hospital. Tim do you remember a Kelly Smith. Uncle Bill can you get Greg, Jason, and Big B for me please. If I go out there Ann is going to know there is a problem.

Tim what is going on. Do you three remember a Kelly Smith. Tim yes, Greg you remember what we all promise if we ever saw her again. I know Greg but I need you three to stay calm right now. Do any other names like Amber Wilson; Brad Smith ring a bell to you five. Amber is the one that help David and them get Ann back. Sam are you okay? No, Brad Smith was always around Steve. Thank you, Dr. Storm for releasing Ann to come home today. Can we know what all of you promise if you ever saw Kelly Smith again.

Kelly Smith is the one who abused Ann and dressed her in clothes not appropriate to wear anywhere. The twelves us promise we would hurt her to the point where she wishes to die. She is the reason Ann was put in the ICU for two weeks. Frank and Ann’s mom wanted to hire her again. Ann was having issues with her back and legs again. Ann told them no she did not need her. They started beating so bad. My parents found Ann in our back yard looking for me. She asked me that to help her anyway I could even if it meant I killed her.  When we decided that next day if we ever saw her around Ann again, she was done.

Ann had a flash back before we went on tour. Amber admitted to Ann she was always at the parties that they threw. She took Ann’s phone, so when Ann saw her parents house. Ann could not call little w to come get her. I noticed the way Brad would look at Ann like she was just a piece of meat in school. I asked him the one day and he told if you only knew why.

[sagetm]

『COURTNEY EATON ❙ CIS FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like SAGE HARRIS is here for SENIOR year as a POLITICAL SCIENCE student. SHE is 22 years old & known to be INTUITIVE, HEADSTRONG, PETULANT & IRRITABLE. They’re living in GORHAM, so if you’re there, watch out for them.  ( abuse tw )

sage grew up in a family of four in [redacted bc if someone wants a hometown connection w sage i can just make her from there so lmk wink wink]. there was her mom, dad, and older brother, caleb.

ABUSE TW!! there were Good moments in there, but essentially without going into too much detail her father frequently fell into patterns of abuse w lots of gaslighting and control issues. there were a lot of reasons her mom would use to excuse his behaviors and keep him around, a lot of it boiling down to the kids altho it was just a miserable situation all around. caleb pretty much tried to step up as the man of the house and got into frequent screaming matches w their father. he tried to protect sage from it all altho she was involved in the crossfire as well / internalized a lot of the situation. eventually things reached a point where he was arrested and there was a whole process w the courts and restraining orders until they were free of him. sage was late into highschool at this point. the aftermath of this whole situation still plays into the family dynamics (caleb started getting into shit, her mother currently lives w her sister, sage and her mother have a shaky relationship esp when there’s still the risk of her falling back in w her dad). ABUSE TW!!

sage was one of those kids were gifted from an early age and that was one of the reasons why caleb sacrificed a lot bc he wanted her to continue her education and succeed. she made the choice during sr year to go away to college and got into the pre-law program at radcliffe w a major in political sciences. her mom would’ve liked her to stay close at home but she jst couldn’t stand being in that town anymore. her brother was conflicted over the decision bt it’s one of the only selfish things sage has ever done for herself.  the thing is she’s been in a constant weird state where all the yrs of shit is catching up w her and she’s not rly doing as well as she should be bc of it. school isn’t as easy as it was when she was a kid. she’s just bitter and angry about a lot of things, and again it doesn’t help that she internalizes a lot of it. bad brain hrs 24/7.

has this complex about being Good and doing Good. she’s just one of those people that likes to rant about morals and doing the right thing even tho she, herself, always doesn’t hit the mark. it’s not fully bc she’s hypocritical or anything...she jst Struggles a lot w a lot of stuff she prbs needs therapy for. but ya she’s an activist n is very vocal. :~)

speaking like social-wise, she’s actually someone who is able to come off as Cool (will i b able to play her as such? who knows?) and has like a wide range of friends bc u know most of the time she’s able to keep it together and she jst has that vibe that u find both intimidating yet intriguing (lmfao again we’ll see how well i Play that). she’s only super close to a few people tho. can work a party very well. 

can be childish and sulky at like her lowest points, which she tries not 2 show in front of others to keep up her Cool Demeanor. she’s someone who rly pretends nothing’s wrong. not just in regards to herself but everyone else too. if someone’s crying in front of her she doesn’t know what to do...she’ll probably tell them to just drink some water :/. surprisingly super good at giving advice tho??? i think that’s everything. :-)

obsessed w plants...keeps a collection in her dorm. lots of succulents, cacti n jst regular plants. when things r going bad, her plants die. but she luvs them. they are the most important thing to her...!

plots-wise i’m open 2 the usual friends, enemies, exes, etc....let’s come up w some fun things together *holds ur hand*

[inlibrariusvenefica]

Solar Return 2019

My Solar Return for 2019-2020!

My SR ascendant falls in  my natal 9th house, which will bring higher education, philosophical pursuits, long distance travel, law, and publishing to the front. I will be going on an overseas vacation next year and I am expecting to have my first co-authored academic editorial published by the end of 2019.

Sun in SR 8th house–There may be a huge change in store, particularly in lifestyle. Increased perception on both the psychological and intuitive levels is common. The purpose of this year is to gain power over myself and my life. Good time for therapy. Power stuggle over money and morals are common.

Moon in SR 2nd house–Emotional need for financial security. Review financial situation and formulate plans that will increase or ensure financial economic stability.

Mercury in SR 9th house–Intense learning situations. Keen interest and concentrated study. Possible I will be a teacher of some kind. Beliefs are re-evaluated. Possible travel.

Venus in SR 9th house–Beliefs about intimate relationships are tested. A relationship usually must be validated as a worthy and understandable association. Perceived internal or external threat to main relationship triggers review process. Educational pursuits may focus on religious or philosophical topics. Could travel, would be enjoyable. Romance with foreigner possible.

Mars in SR 8th house–Physical needs may increase or decrease and sexual practices can change to meet those needs accordingly. Concern over debt likely. Can be indicative of deep-seated anger and long-lasting resentment.

Jupiter in SR 11th house–Goals being set early in the year and meant to directly benefit me. May include educational pursuits which will enhance career potential. In order to fulfill goals, I must fight for freedom in Sagittarius and Pisces areas (Sag is in SR 11th house of friends, Pisces is in SR 2nd house of personal finances). Friends may be crucial to goals I set during the year.

Saturn in SR 12th house–Presence of unconscious blockages which must be overcome. Must face my own fears before I can go on with maturation process, since they prevent me from branching out and taking risks. Will overcompensate for real or imagined shortcomings. Truth is more elusive. Strong obligations that cannot be avoided.

Uranus in SR 3rd house–Rapid thinking processes and changing thought patterns. Likely I will receive or learn information which could have very strong effect on my perception of reality and pattern of thought. Anxiety and nervousness. It’s possible a neighbor will need my help.

Neptune in SR 2nd house–Monetary uncertainty. Rumors of layoffs, paycuts, or salary increases will make exact amount of earnings unclear. Tendency to be free with money. Reassess issues of self-worth if consistently in situations where I feel unappreciated. Values fluctuate toward nonmaterialistic emphasis.

Pluto in SR 12th house–What is happening behind the scenes may be important to growth in consciousness. Close to Ascendant and will cross over by the end of the SR year–personal urge to reveal or deal with what was hidden and change of significant magnitude will occur. Compulsive tendencies are common. Draw universal power through the unconscious mind.

The aspects also have meanings, but maybe I’ll come back to that.

Information from Mary Fortier Shea’s “Planets in Solar Returns: Yearly Cycles of Transformation and Growth”.

Edit: This lied to me. No travel this year for obvious reasons. So, yes my natal 9th house was brought forward but in a depressing way.

[stahlop]

Once Upon a Time 1x02 “The Thing You Love Most” Review

1x01 Review

Well this episode definitely gives us a lot of information about how Regina enacted the curse and shows us the burgeoning feud between Regina and Emma.

Synopsis:

Regina does what it takes to get Emma out of Storybrooke and away from Henry.  She manipulates Archie to give Emma Henry’s therapy files and then has Graham arrest Emma for stealing them.  Emma retaliates by chopping down part of Regina’s prized apple tree.  Henry and Emma get Operation Cobra underway.  In the Enchanted Forest, Regina visits her old friend Maleficent to get the Dark Curse.  After not getting the curse to work, she discovers that she needs to use the heart of what she loves most to enact it.

Opening: We see the Enchanted Forest with a unicorn running through it.

New Characters:

Magic Mirror/Sidney: As the Magic Mirror he seems to only want to please Regina and seems to be his own entity, not just a mirror that talks to Regina. He can travel to different mirrors and isn’t just trapped in one as seen in the hallway scene. As Sidney, he has the same aim to please. He runs the Storybrooke Daily Mirror and seems to revel in the fact that he’s helping Regina bring Emma down. At this point, he doesn’t seem to have much of a purpose rather than doing whatever Regina tells him to do.

Maleficent: While we see just a little of her (and no counterpart in Storybrooke), what we do see is that she and Regina are basically frenemies. She traded Regina a sleeping curse for the Dark Curse (what Regina used for the apple most likely). What Maleficent was going to do with the Dark Curse is not answered in this episode, although, from the way she talks about it, it seems that she just wanted to prevent Regina from using it. She tells Regina that it will leave an emptiness in her that she’ll never be able to fill. We also see that she is capable of love and can get past her own grudges as she protects her pet unicorn from Regina’s attack.

Character Observations:

Gold/Rumpelstiltskin: He definitely is awake after hearing Emma’s name in the Pilot. From the beginning of the episode you can see Gold’s confusion. Even if it’s for a brief moment, when he’s crossing the street in the beginning he almost seems bewildered about what is going on around him. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Later on when Gold visits Regina after the apple tree debacle, it is completely obvious that he is awake, and Regina suspects as well. First he offers to help Regina get rid of Emma and when Regina says she’s not in the habit of making deals with him anymore, he questions what deal that was. We learn Gold ‘procured’ Henry for Regina. You can see it in Regina’s face throughout their conversation that she’s figuring out that he is not cursed anymore. She implies that he knows more than he is saying and asks Gold straight out who Emma Swan is. Gold says she’s exactly who Regina thinks she is, hinting that she is the Savior. And then he says please, which was the one favor he asked of her before she cast the curse. As Rumpelstiltskin, we find that he is a master manipulator as well. He originally gave Regina the Dark Curse, although for what purpose has not been revealed. We can see that Rumpelstiltskin does not do anything without gaining something from it.

Emma: She has a lot of walls up. When she gets the hot cocoa with cinnamon she automatically assumes it’s from Graham and under no uncertain terms tells him she is not there to flirt. Turns out the cocoa was from Henry. Oops! Emma visits Dr. Hopper for info on Henry, something that makes no sense. Even when she walks in there she says she’s knows Dr. Hopper can’t give her any info on Henry. So why go and see him?  Because Regina somehow planted it in her head?  I would never think of trying to pry the info out of my kid’s shrink was a good idea. But, it’s a good thing for Emma that this therapist doesn’t care about those pesky doctor/patient confidentiality laws, because he offers them to Emma no problem. This is after he tells her that the fairy tales are Henry’s way of communicating things he wouldn’t be able to otherwise, which I think is good enough info without having to look at Henry’s files. Emma gets arrested, because Dr. Hopper said she stole the files and Emma doesn’t even seem that upset about it. I know she’s a tough woman, but she pretty much just complains to Graham about Regina setting her up. More walls?  Not letting anyone get too close to her feelings? But at least she gets some of her badassery back when Mary Margaret bails her out of jail. Taking a chainsaw to Regina’s prized apple tree shows exactly what kind of woman Regina is dealing with. Someone who is not scared of her or willing to put up with her tricks. Except that she does. Because Emma still finds the need to smooth things over with Regina for Henry’s sake, and instead of just talking things out over the phone, she gets setup by Regina for Henry to hear that Emma thinks his fairy tale curse theory is crazy. Which, as a 10-year-old boy, means he thinks Emma thinks he’s crazy. Emma decides to leave (there go those walls again). She thinks she’s making too much of a mess with Henry, but luckily, Mary Margaret convinces her otherwise and Emma and Henry make nice. Emma assures Henry that she was just telling Regina what she wanted to hear just like they’d discussed for Operation Cobra.

Mary Margaret: While we don’t have a lot of Mary Margaret we do see her helping out Emma and Henry quite a lot. She mentions to Emma that Henry thinks she’s Snow White. She also mentions that Regina has been mayor ‘as long as she can remember’. We find out she also likes hot cocoa with cinnamon, just like Emma and Henry, and she bails Emma out of jail when she’s arrested for stealing Henry’s therapy files. Mary Margaret definitely seems the motherly type. She seems to mother both Emma and Henry a lot.

Regina/Evil Queen: I have so much to say about her. Regina knows she is losing control in Storybrooke. She can already see the changes that are happening, the clock ringing being the biggest one. Her grasp on Storybrooke is waning and the only way she can hope it will go back to ‘normal’ is by getting Emma out of her town. Unfortunately, Regina doesn’t know who she is dealing with. Emma is not cursed and does not know her as the Evil Queen so she has no reason to back down. No matter how Regina plays it, naughty or nice, Emma is not backing down and Regina doesn’t know how to deal with that. That is why she goes with manipulation. She manipulates Emma into going to Archie to see Henry’s files; she manipulates Archie into giving Emma the files; she manipulates Graham into believing everything she says; she manipulates Granny into making sure Emma doesn’t have a place to stay anymore; she manipulates Henry by trying to tell him Emma is a conwoman, and then she manipulates Emma into making Henry believe she thinks he’s crazy! The only person she can’t manipulate is Gold, and the expression she makes when she pretty much realizes he is awake is pure awesomeness. Just someone else she can’t control anymore.

Now, how Regina, as the Evil Queen, enacted the curse should have been a good story, except it just shows how she doesn’t think in the long-term, just the short-term. She wants to punish  Snow and she wants to do it now no matter who she hurts. Throughout all her staging and monologuing, she has her faithful butler by her side who we later discover is her father. So many questions about why he goes along with what Regina does. The fact that she still calls him daddy speaks volumes about their relationship. He has obviously spoiled her, but I don’t think it is his actions that have made her who she is. Eventually, she reveals she has to kill the thing she loves the most. Until he is revealed as her father, it seems Regina doesn’t love anything (or, at least according to the conversation with Maleficent, the only thing she ever loved died because of something Snow did). This is the first time we ever see Regina vulnerable. She is absolutely torn up about what to do in this scene and it is beautiful. All we’ve seen of Regina is how hateful and spiteful and manipulative she is, and this scene shows she actually has vulnerability, compassion, and love. Somehow, her father has stood by her, through all the horrible things she’s done, and you think for a split second that he has gotten through to his baby girl and convinced her to find her happiness elsewhere. Unfortunately, that short-term goal planning of hers gets in the way and she kills the one person who loves and cherishes her. Even though we knew she cast the curse, it was still a shock to see her rip out her father’s heart to do it. Lana Parilla is brilliant in this moment. You almost feel sorry for her when she throws his heart into the fire to start the curse.

Henry Sr.: Regina’s father, who we think is a butler until the final scene. Their relationship is heartbreaking (both literally and figuratively). He obviously cares for his little girl a great deal and continues to go along with what she does because he... loves her?  Wants to protect her?  Feels she needs an ally? Doesn’t want her to be alone?  All of the above?  I’m not sure what it is, but their relationship shines on screen. His palpable sigh of relief when he thinks Regina will take his advice and go somewhere else to try and be happy is heartwarming until she says she can’t be happy there and he immediately goes rigid knowing what’s going to happen.

Henry: Again, he’s being played as the narrator for most of this. He once again explains the curse to Emma (and the audience). We get a little more detail this time, but essentially, just explaining everything again. We also see how easily he can be manipulated by Regina when it’s not from Regina. Getting Emma to say Henry’s crazy affects him much more than whatever Regina says to him. He’s desperate for Emma’s approval and for her to believe him.

Questions: How much older is Regina than Snow? Maleficent comments that Snow is around the same age Regina was when she was supposed to get married. Last episode I speculated that Snow and Emma are supposed to be around the same age, which also seemed weird, because 28 seems a little old to be getting married in the Enchanted Forest. But it makes sense based on the friendship Emma and Mary Margaret are forming. Maleficent says, supposed to get married, which makes me think that whomever she loved and was supposed to marry died before that happened and happened before Regina married Snow’s father. In real life Lana Parilla is only a year older than Ginnfer Goodwin. So what is the age difference?  Right now, ages are not making sense. Maybe we’ll learn more about this later.

Who created the Dark Curse? Rumpelstiltskin implied in the Pilot that Regina had created the curse. He told Snow and Charming “Regina has created a powerful curse”, but in this episode Maleficent says that neither she nor Regina created the curse. She says “Whoever created that monstrosity makes us look positively...moral.”  Regina later says that Rumplestiltskin gave her the curse, so where did he get?  Or did he create it?

Where were all the creatures with the darkest souls the second time Regina cast the curse with her father’s heart?

Mary Margaret says that Regina’s been the mayor for as long as she can remember, but Regina told Emma that she just became the mayor recently, or at least since adopting Henry (as part of the reason Henry was in therapy), so which is it?

Where did Emma get a chainsaw to chop down Regina’s apple tree?  Did Mary Margaret randomly have one?  Did she rent it from a hardware store?  Did Regina have one just laying around or in a gardening shed? Loved that scene, but seriously have no idea where she would’ve got that from.

Why is Emma getting kicked out of Granny’s for being a felon?  She’s only been arrested. There was no trial and no actual jail time.

Why would Regina put a boot on Emma’s car if she wants her to leave?  Seems a little counterproductive.

If no one can leave Storybrooke (according to Henry), how did Gold ‘procure’ Henry for Regina?  How would he have contacts outside of Storybrooke to even get a child? And for that matter, how do they get anything in Storybrooke?  Is that part of the curse to just have an endless amount of supplies so they are basically self-sustaining?

And how did Henry get to Boston last episode to find Emma?  I’m assuming no buses are in Storybrooke that would go outside of it.  Did he go to the townline and hitch a ride to a bus depot?

Why is Jiminy Cricket cursed as a regular person? Does that mean there are other animal characters around cursed as regular people?

Observations:

Regina’s office is covered in black and white forest wallpaper.

Granny’s Diner has woodsy wallpaper.

Regina’s apples are not Honeycrisps, they are obviously Red Delicious. Honeycrisps are a man made crossbreed of apples that weren’t even on the market until 1991.

The Sleeping Beauty plot has already happened according to Regina, so apparently Maleficent was not killed like she was in the Disney version.

Regina was in love once and it’s supposedly Snow’s fault that he is dead.

Emma now knows that Mary Margaret is supposedly her mother, since she is Snow White according to Henry.

The gnome that laughed at Regina during the failure of the dark curse casting is now her garden gnome.

Regina can turn herself into a mouse.

Emma likes hot cocoa with whipped cream and cinnamon. So do Henry and Mary Margaret.

Timeline Issues:

There is a major issue with the timeline that drove me nuts in this episode. This episode basically implies that it took Regina possibly two days to get the curse going, which, as we saw in the Pilot, took at least nine months. Case in point: Regina’s outfits. She is in the same outfit that she crashed Snow and Charming’s wedding in for most of this episode. She’s wearing it when she goes to get the curse from Maleficent, and Maleficent even mentions that it’s Snow and Charming’s wedding night. Regina is still wearing said outfit when she tries to cast the curse with those with the darkest souls and it doesn’t work. Still wearing the same outfit when she goes to visit Rumpelstiltskin in his prison, and still in the same outfit when she talks to her father and rips out his heart. We next see Regina in the outfit she wore in the Pilot when the curse was cast. She is throwing her father’s heart into the fire to enact the curse, although, the curse doesn’t seem to happen right away as she has time to visit his grave, which is when we find out his name was Henry and that’s who her son is named after. We know, based on the fact that Snow wasn’t pregnant at the wedding, that there had to be at least nine months between Regina’s threat and when she actually cast the curse. So big glaring error going on here. I highly doubt that Regina wore the same outfit for almost nine months and then changed it just to cast the curse.

Once Upon a Time Firsts:

Emma and Regina’s feud

Regina’s magic mirror

Love is weakness

Regina blaming Snow for ruining her life

Hot cocoa with cinnamon

Operation Cobra

Someone in Storybrooke saying that’s it’s been that way for ‘as long as they can remember’.

Someone getting their heart taken.

Names:

Archie’s last name is Hopper, which is appropriate since he was Jiminy Cricket in the EF.

This was a very good episode.  It’s great seeing Regina’s control slowly slipping away and the lengths she’ll go to try and get it back.  It’s also great to see Gold coming into his own.  Not that we say much of his cursed personality, but it seems that Regina not only has Emma to contend with, but Gold as well.

Well this episode definitely gives us a lot of information about how Regina enacted the curse and shows us the burgeoning feud between Regina and Emma.

As usual feedback is welcome.  Please let me know your thoughts about anything: the episode, the characters, the formatting, etc.

@searchingwardrobes @thisonesatellite@justbecauseyoubelievesomething @laschatzi @profdanglaisstuff@mariakov81

[winchesteralex]

Looking through SRS files I found the letter Alex wrote Dean as part of her therapy when she was in that mental health program. It was not included in the story. Read it below if you want!

Dear Dean—

The coolest oldest brother I’ve ever had, the biggest dork I know. Where the hell would I be without you? I don’t even want to think about it. You’ve been one of the only things in life that has never let me down and I want to tell you thank you for that. I don’t think I’ve done a good job of telling you how irreplaceable you are to me and how much I love you. If I didn’t have you in my life, I seriously wouldn’t have survived. I don’t think there has ever, ever been a better big brother than you in all of time. Sam is cool and all, but I think he will agree with me on this one… he and I have the universe’s best big brother.

I’ve been reflecting on my life recently in an effort to let go of all the baggage I realize I’ve been carrying. I need to let go of some things that are holding me back and doing more harm to me than good.

As I’ve been thinking back over life, I’ve realized how much blame I place on you even at the same time that I view you as my hero. It’s kinda confusing. Part of me wishes you would have done the right thing and gotten us out of this life a long time ago. Remember how you used to talk about starting a car shop and living normal lives? Getting a house and paying rent and other ‘pain-in-the-ass normal people stuff.’ Mostly you said that stuff after a few strong drinks, but I always liked that idea of it. But for whatever reason you kept us in the hunting life and I really had little choice in the matter about my future. Dad made sure I would stay dependent on you/him—and you didn’t do anything to help me be independent, either. Sometimes it makes me so mad I could scream, honestly. Why didn’t you tell me to stay in school? Why didn’t you make sure that I would have the tools needed to survive on my own someday?

I don’t know. All I do know is we were raised to lean onto each other to unhealthy, dysfunctional levels and such a system is doomed to fail and/or destroy the people who are in it (my shrink’s words, not mine). I don’t want us to be destroyed. I want us to live good lives and learn how to smile and laugh again. I think back to our twenty-somethings and things weren’t great but we were happy, right? Doing so much stupid shit and laughing life off and living with that ‘us against the whole dumb world’ mentality. I remember feeling so much younger and happier. Or maybe it’s just rose-colored glasses I’m looking at the past through.

Ever since Cas, it’s like everything changed between us. I guess maybe I started to see how much you try and run my life. You violate my rights as a person every time you try and do that—tell me what I can and can’t do. I know you are trying to look out for me but I also recognize now that you are attempting to control me, and it might not even be something you realize. But I can’t allow that anymore. I know you care about me and that’s how you try to show it. But I need you to learn to show me that care in other ways. By supporting me, by listening to me (without asserting your opinion like it’s the law), by stepping back and letting me breathe. You don’t own me. Please don’t treat me how Dad treated us. I’m not property and I should never have let you bully me around. You also shouldn’t have tried to change me or control my life. But I unfortunately didn’t stand up for myself well enough. I’m learning how to stand on my own two feet now, or at least I’m trying to. It’s hard. Dean, I don’t hate you. I recognize that Dad’s mentality and choices made you into who you are, just like they did me and Sam, too. I know you love me and Sam. That’s why I’m not bitter—you’re just as messed up as I am. I’m more sad about everything than angry.

I’m also sorry. Sorry for holding you back. I noticed how many dates you skipped because you didn’t want me to be left alone. I saw how you were labeled a loser at all those schools we went to because you liked your kid sister and brother so much. I wonder constantly what you might have done those four-ish years when Sam left and Dad drifted off. It was just you and me then, but what would you have done if you didn’t have to babysit me like that? On the flip side though, I was a grown woman and I didn’t have to stay with you or whatever. But I felt like I had to. When you insisted on me like never being alone and stuff, it put me into a place where I felt like more of a child than I actually was—I’ve felt like a kid for all of my life. Still do. Scared of being alone and unsure of how to do things on my own. I wish you had helped me become independent instead of making sure I stayed so codependent. But I am the way I am, and I know I can do things about it today.

Dean, don’t get me wrong. You are one of the most amazing men alive. Your levels of loyalty and resolve always blow me away. I don’t know how you have always kept it together so well and stayed so strong after what you’ve been through. I hope that if you ever need me someday like I’ve needed you, I can be there for you and save you for once. You inspire me. I look up to you. Now and always. We are both messed up, and it’s not our fault entirely. This letter was to get things off my chest so we can move forward.

I know we’re had our ups and downs, but I’ll always be your girl. I’ll always have your back like you’ve always had mine.

— Mouse

[messedupessy]

1. 2. 29. 30. 35. 48. 56. 57. 58. 63. 65. 68.

Holy fuck man that is allot of them but bless u xD skipping the ones I already answered ye

1. Who’s your favourite character from UT?

Papyrus fyuck yeah, tho Undyne, Asgore and Flowey are very close after UwU❤

2. Who’s your least favourite character from UT?

I think I might have already answered this one, but I like don’t have any character that is like my least fave that much like except maybe Jerry but that’s like a default you dislike him on default bc everyone else do give or take, and bc he is shitty af xD 

29. Your favourite UT au:

Gods is it arrogant to say my own?? Because gods I love Seaswap so frikking much man pffkjregknerj

Tho ok if I don’t go with my own, I guess out of the so called main 3 au’s I guess it’s like Underswap?? even tho most of ppl’s takes on it is hella meh for me but my own take and some friends and other ppl’s take on it I just love af, and there is a reason why swap pap is my fucking muse man xD but like there are so ‘smany damn good au’s out there that I srs love it’s hard to pick just one pfft

30. Your least favourite UT au:

Any au that is Sans centric only, like I get why they exist and hey everyone is allowed to do their own thing, but I am just so tired of this constant overpowered Sanses which then get put in situations with a bunch of others like its not fun for me at all its not interesting at all I need all of the characters in an au or most at least not just Sans xD it’s not fun for me at all, but like I said you do you man but that kind of au’s are just not my thing 

35. If you could choose one type of food from UT, what would it be?

Crab apple, I wanna feel crabby UwU 🦀

56. Your OTP(s):

Ohh yeess got so many yes, ok Alphyne ofc gotta love them gays UwU the royal guards like yeess, also ship Bratty and Catty allot too tho I love them platonic as well

Sansby is good, Papby too yes, Sansgore yes yes and sansgoriel is also good but maybe not otp but still good, oh and NicePants yes that is some good stuff there too yes 

And also ship still a bit of asgoriel, like know that they will never get together again probably which is kind of good too bc it would just be unhealthy af man, but still ship it xD 

I did use to ship Frans allot back when I joined the fandom, grown up Frisk ofc ya nasties, not super into it anymore but its still a ship close to my heart as it was my first ye UwU 

AND THE DOGS DOG MARRIAGE YES OTP RIGHT THERE YES 

57. Your NOTP(s):

Sans and Papyrus, I do not like or ship the classic bros at all its a big no for me xD

Undyne with any guy as I see her as a complete lesbian, like I do at times like a little bit with her and Papyrus but I prefer them bros aye, and then there is classic papgore it just nah not for me

and soriel is a big no too, mostly because I always find it so damn forced, like let a guy and gal be pals without making them into more, no hate or anything on u ppl who do ship it you do you man and i fucking support you, but its just not my thing ye

papyton is also a bit no, like I used to like it allot at first but now its like nah not my thing anymore ye

58. Your BROTP(s):

Undyne and Papyrus ofc! number one brotp right there! Snas and Pap too, Alphys and Mettaton, Bratty and Catty, Sans and Alphys, Undyne and Asgore, there are prolly more but those are the one’s that comes to mind UwU

63. Which ending is your favourite?

Full pacifist fuck yeah! It’s the only ending I have done because I am unable to be properly mean, so only pacifist for me ye UwU

65. Any post pacifist run headcanons?

Yes I got so fucking many!

Like Papyrus becomes the fucking ambassador, and mascot, and is doing such a fucking good job of it

Asgore opens a flower shop ofc

Toriel comes to terms that she too fucked up allot and was at fault for the shit that happened, and she and Asgore kinda reconcile at least so much that they can talk like fucking adults, like she will never forgive him for what he did and he will never forgive himself either, but they will at least become somewhat friends again at least, as I consider them originally been best friends before they got romantically involved and both miss it allot

Frisk eventually succeeds in getting Flowey up with them from the underground because there is no fucking way they are letting him stay down there in his own misery

Undyne and Alphys got the gayest and more anime inspired wedding of all fucking time on the beach

Burgerpants quits his job at Mettaton’s and ends up working for the Nice cream bunny, who I like to call Rupert, where Burgerpants gets his shit together properly and also finds love bc I ship that ok

Mettaton too gets like a proper realism check over the stuff he done and becomes a better person

Dogamy and Dogaressa gets a bunch of fucking puppies together and are so fucking happy

The royal guard do not dissolve but instead becomes the police force because there must be some sort of law enforcement for monsters after all 

Sans gets happier and more open about his issues and gets some therapy, all of them that needs therapy gets some because fuck you

Fuck I could go on with this all day because I got so many but these will do for now pfft

68. The funniest situation:

Anything with Papyrus, just just fucking anything with him and Undyne are the fucking best of the whole game man, their calls are so frikking goo and just yeah gerjkgnjekgkje too many I can’t choose just one xD

Undertale ask thingies here

[terfsdointeract]

[First Image: a comment by tumblr user fandomsandfeminism, which reads, “This affects trans women too. I specifically mentioned how they are can be forcibly sterilized in many countries in order to legally transition.”]

[Second Image: a comment in the same post by tumblr user ophelias-revenge, which reads, “It's really disingenuous and disgusting to portray women being unknowingly sterilized without consent (for ex after giving birth in prison) to a law that says trans women must be on hormones to be legally considered as the opposite sex.

Like, can we fucking not? It's erased both groups different struggles and really downplays the horrors of women being nonconsentually fucking operated on. That is not comparable to a male trans woman losing sperm count from hormones in order to get a new legal document.”]

What is Trans Sterilization?

Are trans people being sterilized, or is it just an unfortunate outcome of Hormones Replacement Therapy (HRT)?

Japan is a hot topic of Trans Sterilization, since just earlier this year (2019) Japan’s Supreme Court ruled in defense of the country’s 2003 law requiring transgender people to have their gonads removed or rendered non-functional before being allowed to legally change their gender

Japan is not alone in this, however. Currently, there are 20 different European countries who require sterilization for legal gender recognition.

While some Trans people will choose to have bottom surgery (essentially permanently sterilizing them) many still choose not to have various sex reassignment surgeries (SRS) for various reasons. [x] [x] [x]

Ophelias-revenge suggests that Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is all that's needed to legally transition. If that were true, it would still put a burden on trans people who don't want HRT, but I would understand. I would even understand if these countries said that you needed SRS in order to transition legally. This aligns with societal expectations that in order to be a man or woman you need to look a certain way and have certain genitals.

An important thing to note, however, is that Sterilization required for legal recognition is not the same as SRS or HRT. This Sterilization isn't so that Trans women can be seen more as women (after all they are able to keep their “male” genitalia), it is explicitly so Trans women cannot reproduce. It's Eugenics.

[teamroanelex1987-blog]

Anal is a once in awhile thing, except last month, we did it twice. As long as your SD knows what he is doing, anal can be fun for the SB. Or at least not a bad experience.think with most relationships and SR, keeping it exciting really pays off. I have thick glasses frames, big ears AND stretched lobes so I have a lot of trouble finding a comfortable headset, I feel you dude! My advice is try oval ones rather than round and go to a physical store to try on headsets, if you feel any pressure at all move on to the next pair. Not to shill but I have the razer kraken 7.1 v2s and they super comfy, I think bc the cushioning is fairly thick and distributes pressure well and evenly. That and you can also get in ear headphones and a separate mic.. Side note: That dead bus transfer I spoke about in my last comment, we actually do that every 2 years while we are shut down. We will manually de energize the safety busses and simultaneously cause a LOCA (Loss of Coolant Accident) signal, cause the emergency generators to start 아산출장샵 and the emergency core cooling system, watch everything slam onto the bus. It pretty cool. I just dont get editing IG photos, it like cheating. Maybe practice your makeup and go to the gym, maybe get therapy, or even get the actual plastic surgery so you can look good for your pics. At least itll be real. I don know about that one LOL. There could definitely be a number of factors involved in why they got married, but I wouldn say that it because she was good enough and you weren it seems unfair now, but would you want to be married to someone that flaky? I recently gone through a breakup with someone I loved very much and I recently found out he broke up with me for someone else. One of the thoughts that has helped me recover is realizing that I don want to be with someone who can choose someone else over me so easily. I found I prefer ketosis with a variable IF schedule. No late day carb crash, long periods of even energy. For me it keeps arthritis to a minimum. The only main difference is the AM has SPF and they have slightly different texture. As a result of the SPF, the AM is slightly more creamy and whiter.I have used both. I actually like the creaminess in the AM more, but I no longer use it since I want a stronger sunscreen so I layer PM night and day into my routines.. Yes, THIS SO MUCH! Never take advice from someone who has always 아산출장샵 had great skin! In fact, never take advice from anyone Who isn a dermatologist really. The internet is so full of anecdotal evidence and scammy products, and everyone has different skin, so you react differently. When I was struggeling with acne as a teen I tried everything I came across and wasted so much money and it just made my skin worse. No, there is no law that says you are not allowed to kill yourself by various methods but it needs to be done somewhere private if he does not want outside interference. Also, before doing so your friend needs to do some planning before he starts this process. Mainly, the things I am listing are to ease the burden of those left behind.. Textualism isn enough for many laws (just look at first amendment jurisprudence). Originalism is weird as fuck: the idea that our assumptions about how a handful of guys several hundred years ago who thought that more than half the population shouldn count and that huge numbers of people should be enslaved and counted as partial people (and Scalia assumptions weren exactly impartial) is more important than how a law has actually worked out and been implemented for years is ridiculous. 90% of Clarence Thomas concurrences, especially the ones on the Commerce Clause.

[ragnvdnir]

I forgot to reply to your vyn false tear message so THERE'S MORE of my asks 😍😤🥴

"dw i understand why u didn’t expect me to be interested is these type of things bc nonsense usually come out of my mouth😭" i'm sorry but it's true (maybe partially) 😭😭😭 but not really nonsense, as a person who doesn't like others messing with me nonsensically, i like you 👍 you're just really funny 😍 and seems that you're not a serious person to think of those, but now it gives me a perspective of you that you're really open minded 😌💞

I really imagined you to be like this dancing in vyn's palm: 💃💃💃

That Vyn Richter need serious help tbh 😰😰😰 i bet this guy is aware of his craziness but he just indulges in it 😭😭😭 go get some therapy my guy, but i bet he'll manipulate the therapist too in thinking he's not sick in the head and be the therapist of them instead 💀💀💀 because HE CAN. Sure 2 doctorate degree haver, we're gonna run to artem & company bc your ass needs to get help 😰 being in a horror film with vyn as one of the cast would be hella scary esp if he's the antagonist/killer 😰 like imagine him being dead but it's very doubtful because he wouldn't be dead in the first place with his insane wits 💪💪💪 tho physically he might get knocked out tbh 🥴 just surprise him 😍 and tell him you're feeling extra goofy 😋😋😋

Marius liker, Childe slanderer, Diluc lover are some of my titles. Diluc is DEFINITELY the standard for me. You would agree too 🤝🤝🤝 marius is just rich maybe that's what's attractive- no but i think marius is like you. You're so goofy but there is a deeper person and personality that you have :DD even if he jokes around, he aint so annoying like that ginger head 🤬🤬🤬 (childe stans dont come @ us. Remember that we stan diluc 🤬🤬 we gon whoop your fatui ass)

It's true Celestine is engaged 😩😩😩 but there's also a hot woman from a rival law firm so uhm you might like her but she's around the reporter named Jasmine's case (i forgot but it's the chapter b4 the latest chapter released 👍)

— 🍰.

so u agree that nonsense comes out of my mouth? what is this betrayal once again⁉️ you're supposed to comfort me and tell me they're not useless🤬⁉️ im sorry to everyone who's watching this

open minded...? does that mean my skull is open and you can see my mind?? im sorry once again😭 im trying to be punny😾😾

i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying~~~

you imagined right😇 im doing cha cha in his palms💃💃💃

nah bc ur right 😭 this dude need some srs help rn (affectionate vyn affectionate) why does he have to fake cry just to get some affection when he can just simply ask us to give him a hug and i will oblige fully🤬 this man's pride is too high🙄 but mine's higher too so this is another problem😟⁉️

wait bc that type of horror movie he will be in👀 the one who everyone thought is dead already👀

DILUC IS THE STANDARD⁉️ WE PREACH THIS⁉️

marius? me? i think u got the wrong person maam this is mcdonals😟😟 wait bc i would go with the flow with his teases, ill probably flirt back too but like im not strong enough for that and i get flustered easily so its a no no😔😔

NAURRR I WONT ACCEPT ANY OTHER GIRL EXCEPT CELESTINE TAYLOR‼️I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS‼️ GIVE ME THE RECEIPTS WHERE SHE'S ENGAGED ‼️‼️ (first stage of grief, denial)

but like shes too gorgeous to be single but engaged⁉️ im sorry miss taylor but i dont believe this🧐🧐