#laura you have such problems disorder. have you considered not doing the things that you are doing.

[tbcanary]

Edit Requests: Persephone from The Wicked + The Divine for @magictavern

"What do we do now?" "Whatever we want."

(ID under the cut.)

ID: Five edited panels of Laura (Persephone) from The Wicked + The Divine comics.

1: Persephone is suspended mid-air from her glowing blue vines. She’s arched in a C shape in front of a background of pink flowers.

2: Persephone stands in a hooded jacket with her arms thrown outward. Blue text appears in front of her: “Laura.” The letters then shuffle randomly and change to “Persephone.” The letters shuffle a third time and change to “The Destroyer.”

3: A background with a black, pink and white radial gradient, covered fully with the story of Persephone’s creation. Laura, dressed in her Amaterasu costume, stands off to the left side. She fades, and a second image of her appears slightly to the right with a curly undercut and a green jacket. That image fades to gray and a third appears of her in her initial Persephone costume, with the colorful streak in her combed-over hair and a red triangle drawn over one eye. The third image fades to gray and a fourth appears fully to the right side, showing Persephone with her hand held up and her jacket splayed out. She has white skulls in place of her pupils.

4: Persephone, in distorted white and black with blue accents. She lights a cigarette. Three circles with skulls in the center hover in front of her.

5: Laura, with a shaved head, stands with her mouth open and her arms outstretched. Her blue vines spread out from behind her, backlit by pink. Text on either side of her head reads: “I am a God.” The image flashes, turning the vines black and white. The word “Not” appears over Laura’s eyes, on top of a black scribbled stripe.

/End ID.

[nikageeee]

Don't mean to get too dark- who am I kidding. Dead dove used to be my gem. If this is too dark you don't have to answer this.

We all know Travis is reckless when it comes to his own safety and has self-destructive, downright suicidal tendency (handing Laura that shotgun when guilt got to him too much). Considering his history of parental abuse...(56 years holy mother of God...) how severe do you think his mental problem is? I see avoidant personality disorder so that's given. Depression? Drinking problem? (Descendant of bootleggers so maybe genetics envolved too) Anxiety? It'll be a struggle getting his ass to a therapy...

PSA Heavy topics involving mental health , abuse and suicide discussed** just incase these are topics you don’t want to see- so can scroll away dear reader!

It is a dark topic but an interesting discussion. I will clarify I’m by no means experienced or qualified to really say much on mental illness. Cause I don’t know an awful lot about them and I don’t feel it would be right for me to speculate on that.

Something I do see in Travis of course is anxiety and very depressive thoughts. As we know he’s a victim of narcissistic and (likely) physical abuse at the hands of his mother- I can imagine that’s had a huge impact on his mental health.

I like to imagine one of the happiest points in Travis’s life was when he attended police academy and was no longer living under his parents roof. Though that would become conflicting for him when he returns home. Imagine a very young Travis going to the city, being raised so strictly and sheltered.

He’d have needed so much coaxing to try much- most of which he would feel guilty over. He drinks. He smokes. He has sex for the first time (possibly paid for or a one night stand- god forbid if ma ever knew what he was doing with those ‘filthy city sluts’). He also realizes he can run his mouth all he wants without someone batting an eye.

He hated how stifled he felt by his parents turning up for graduation. Immediately boxed back up. His peers observing how his parents spell out his plans for him.

Essentially:

Oh good you can come home now. Work for North Kill Dpt. That’s what you want Travis, right?

And he supposes it is. They convince him he’s not built for city life. Convincing him again that his place is with his family. Shouldn’t he even be grateful they got Hank to pull some strings??

He loved his taste of independence, but he’s gaslit enough into believing he’s needed at home.

Our home needs protecting. Us Hackett’s have North Kill’s best interests in mind…

And he can’t lie. The idea of enforcing the law on people who previously looked down on him is so appealing. It serves the illusion of control.

When he moves home he insists on moving out- probably a tiny place (I decided on a little cabin in hunting grounds). again this serves the illusion of him having control. He still has to show up for Sunday dinners.

But for the most part he can control this space. Lives minimally. On small meals he can make from tins and if he can diner food.

Ma constantly in his ears about how much he dedicates to family. Home cooked meals can taste great, but forever associated with the hurt and nagging and constant expectations of where he should be in life.

By the time he’s made deputy he goes through a period of apathy. The void of emotion. Of feeling trapped. He picks up smoking for the first time since college.

He might think about how things would be if he just wasn’t around anymore. Signs of him struggling would just be met with frustration or dismissal.

Like his Ma seeing him disheveled and low and if she asks him what’s the matter... Well, it’s Constance. From her mouth it’s asked more like an accusation rather than out of concern for her eldest-

What’s a matter with you?

She’ll tell him he has no troubles- he has a stable job, a healthy family. He should be grateful. All he needs is to just look at Chris. He’s got his wife now. Baby on the way. Just meet a proper woman Travis.

But he knows no woman he chooses would ever good enough for Ma. The ideal woman she perceived for Travis sounds like hell to him quite frankly.

-From a distinguished or proper family. Houseproud. Will make proper meals in the kitchen. God loving.

-Will stay in good shape after 3 kids.

-Knows when to speak- no loudmouths.

-If she has a hobby like crochet or piano that’s great in my book.

Travis knows immediately she sees someone like her as a great fit for him. And he refuses to marry his mother- or someone easily manipulated into her image.

All he can do is drown his woes in the local bar at the weekend. He does not consider himself an alcoholic at this point. However, as the years go by things get more demanding and take an even greater toll on him.

After the fire things go to shit. The job situation I mentioned in a previous headcanon post. He’s spread thin. Alcoholism is debatable, but across those six years he will have moments of complete excess.

It’s harmless to keep some scotch under his desk right? Something that would have been unspeakable for him to do before now becomes a means to ease him down after a hard full moon or family arguement.

Having buried someone who he respected, dare I say, looked up to as a surrogate father. Having seen and heard people question the position of sheriff landing on his lap. It’s too much at times. But Jed didn’t raise to him to crack under pressure.

The thoughts of not being here come back again- but then he’d be so selfish if he did that right? He’d be the biggest let down to his own family…

Travis continues on, drinking and smoking and the late nights with a couple of silent tears here or there. Ones he can just swipe away and dismiss.

He will become a bit too used to disregarding his own emotions.

He bites back at people with passive aggression and an expression of steely ice. When he’s on his own he may even shed a silent tear or two. Purposely smash a few things in a mix of clumsiness and frustration. Ceramic mugs don’t last long at Travis’s.

It’s something Chris makes lighthearted jokes about.

‘Uncle Travis always needs more mugs for Christmas, Kaleigh.’

As if he’s just clumsy and heavy handed.

It hurts.

So tldr;

I think Travis would suffer from serious bouts of anxiety, depression, low self esteem and addictive tendencies. So pretty bad troughs.

Most of his peaks are just tastes of normalacy I think? Any higher moments he grows anxious that he is both undeserving and things are going to predictably dip luck wise for him.

He’d be prone to anger and frustration as his breaking point responses. At the other side absolute emotional numbness where all he can do is go through it all until he snaps again.

It’s a cycle of getting a bit better, then getting worse than the last time…

[gothhabiba]

Because so many people have Epstein-Barr, it is also of some interest to the alternative health community. Researching the virus, you find a range of books that associate it with, in particular, thyroid disorders, as well as chronic fatigue syndrome and various other physical woes. Lying on my couch, I skim through one of them: The Epstein-Barr Virus Solution: The Hidden Undiagnosed Epidemic of a Virus Destroying Millions of Lives through Chronic Fatigue, Autoimmune Disorders, and Cancer, by Kasia Kines. In it, she promises to help you out of “the victim mindset”:

Always remember who you are, what your dreams and vision for your life were before and can be in the future when you heal. Do not let EBV and its complications victimize you. At this phase of your life, you need impeccably focused self-care, which is just about the biggest challenge, especially for the multitasking, world-saving women. But I know you can improve on it. We all can, me included! I know you can do it. I know you can heal.4

If there’s one thing that turns me off from books like this, it’s that bootstrapping vocabulary: Don’t be a victim of your disease! But I am not interested in simply dismissing books of this kind.  They speak to a real need and, furthermore, are often expressing an appropriate, or at least understandable, level of skepticism toward the medical consensus.

After all, the idea that Epstein-Barr, or any virus, could cause cancer was considered laughable by the medical community for a long time; that it doesn’t seem to contribute to conditions like chronic fatigue syndrome, because not everyone diagnosed with chronic fatigue tests positive for Epstein-Barr, is therefore hard to immediately credit. And some illnesses have even been understood precisely backward: For a time, the idea that scurvy was caused by some sort of nutritional deficiency was considered disproven. Instead, scurvy was thought to be a form of food poisoning caused by bacteria, a misunderstanding quite plausible at the time but which contributed to many avoidable deaths.5

And lots of people get sick—to an incapacitating degree—in ways that don’t seem to admit of diagnosis or even of treatment. Some diseases, such as autoimmune disorders, are not only tricky to diagnose but can develop into new problems entirely. Sufferers of such mystery maladies are told they’re stressed or depressed, even when those explanations are plainly inadequate. In “A Sudden Disease,” the journalist Laura Hillenbrand documents her years of inexplicable illness, which included a consultation with a doctor who diagnosed her (and everybody else, it turns out) with Epstein-Barr and prescribed supplements that do nothing at all. “Without my physicians’ support,” Hillenbrand writes,

it was almost impossible to find support from others. People told me I was lazy and selfish. Someone lamented how unfortunate [my boyfriend] was to have a girlfriend who demanded coddling…. “The best thing my parents ever did for my deadbeat brother,” a former professor of his told him, “was to throw him out.”6

Hillenbrand was eventually diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, which, while a legitimate diagnosis, is in some ways as good as saying that you’re simply going to be incapacitated, until one day maybe you won’t be. Many people with debilitating problems are not even this lucky. So why not log on to the world of people whose symptoms match yours, who also struggle with insulting doctors and inadequate treatment, and say you have chronic Lyme or Morgellons?7 Maybe the medical consensus that these diseases don’t exist is accurate. But at least your disease has a name, and at least now you can experience solidarity and perhaps even hope.

The Epstein-Barr Solution, like a book on how to beat debt or can-do spirituality or how-I-fixed-my-marriage-and-you-can-too, is peppered with personal testimonials that explain the value of both hard work and the advice offered in the book: “I was more than willing to do whatever [one woman] told me to do after five years of excruciating pain, so I decided to do whatever it took to help myself. If she had answers, I’d do the work!” If you eat better or sleep better or avoid toxins or free radicals or heavy metals, if you work out in precisely the correct way, if you maintain an upbeat attitude and avoid “joy blockers,” if you just exercise more discipline, you can beat your disease.8

“Know that you are loved, you are beautiful, you are supported, you are important, you are enough, you have finally been heard, your pain has just been validated (with this book), and you are special,”9 writes Kines. Anyone who has been sick without explanation for a long time knows how necessary “you have finally been heard” is here. But the self-care industry takes this all a step further, selling people the idea that they’re victims if they admit to themselves that they’re sick and it might not be in their power to get better.

Viruses might be mysterious—not alive, not not alive—but so is the human body, which is why alternative medicine will always be attractive, but also prone to its own misguided certainty. That we don’t know as much as we think we know is a truism that cuts both ways.

--B.D. McClay, “The Ills That Flesh Is Heir to: What if our weakness were the best part of us?”

4. Kasia Kines, The Epstein-Barr Virus Solution: The Hidden Undiagnosed Epidemic of a Virus Destroying Millions of Lives through Chronic Fatigue, Autoimmune Disorders, and Cancer (Scotts Valley, CA: CreateSpace, 2018), Kindle edition, 6.

5. Maciej Cegłowski, “Scott And Scurvy,” Idle Words (blog), March 6, 2010, http://idlewords.com/2010/03/scott_and_scurvy.htm.

6. Laura Hillenbrand, “A Sudden Illness,” The New Yorker, July 7, 2003, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2003/07/07/a-sudden-illness.

7. For an overview of the debate over “chronic Lyme,” see Rachel Pearson, “The Challenge of ‘Chronic Lyme,’” NYR Daily, July 25, 2018, https://www.nybooks.com/daily/2018/07/25/the-challenge-of-chronic-lyme/, and Michael Specter, “The Lyme Wars,” The New Yorker, July 1, 2013, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/07/01/the-lyme-wars.

8. Kines, The Epstein-Barr Virus Solution, 317, 503.

9. Ibid., 151.

[babydust-journey]

Hello there!

A lot of people close to me always tells me I need to “blog” my journey that it will help clear my head. First let me introduce myself!  My name is Heather and I’m 37 from Grovetown Georgia.  I am happily married to my best friend Tonya for over 4 years now.  Now let me tell you about my step children and blow your mind with our dysfunctional functioning family.  I have 2 step daughters with Tonya (Laura 25 & Savannah 19) I have been in their lives years before Tonya and I got married because we were friends for over 10 years before we took it to the next level.  I also have 2 more step children (Joshua 19 & Haven 13) now this is where the fun begins.  Haven and Joshua belong to my ex girlfriend Natalie.  Natalie and I have been in each others life some way or another for 22 years.  She was my first love and also my worst mistake ever.  I moved to Florida to be with her and the kids turning my life upside down just to get heartbroken and shattered.  Lying, cheating, betrayal and a long distance affair will do that! But even after everything I was blessed with the kids and they are still a very big part of my life.  Tonya helped pick me up off the ground and one of the first things I said to her before I even considered taking our friendship to the next level was that I wanted a baby in the future! Now I have what I like to call “hostile ovaries” and unfortunately can not conceive.  She has already had 2 kids so she would be the one having to carry the baby if she shared the same goals as me.  It was amazing to find out that she also wanted another baby so we knew once the time was right we would try for a bundle of joy. We got married and started to build our future and get to a place where we could start expanding our family.  Of course nothing goes as planned in my life and we hit our first big road block in December 2017 when Tonya had a pulmonary embolism (2nd one she has had).  It was scary and something I don’t wish on anyone to have to experience.  She found out that she has a rare blood clotting disorder and has to take blood thinners and had a filter placed inside of her.  I was just thankful she was alive!  Months after that we started to bring up the baby idea and she went to her hematologist and he informed us that it would not be safe for her to carry a child due to her condition and the blood thinners.  We were defeated but I wasn’t going to give up on my dream.  I let the dust settle and just lived our lives.  Everything happens for a reason and I just needed to be patient, boy I hate that statement because that is what everyone tells me! 

A year passed by and I saw on Facebook that an old friend of mine was pregnant and wanted to give the baby up for adoption.  I jumped right on it and sent her a message.  I mean it was no secret that we wanted a baby.  After a month or so of us talking she finally told us that we could adopt her baby girl.  I was so happy that I cried tears of joy.  We decided to name the baby Phoebe and started to prepare for her arrival.  We met with a family lawyer to go over what we needed to do to adopt the baby.  Home studies, paper work and of course lots of cash was what we needed! The mother of the child met with our lawyer 2 times and did her paperwork.  Tonya and I told our family and friends the great news because the baby would be here quick because she was already pretty far along.  We painted the nursery and that was everything I ever dreamed of.  See I never had a baby all of my step children were older.  Haven was 3 when Natalie and I got back together for the 2,000th time (and she made it clear she wanted no more children and like and idiot I settled). So I have always wanted to experience everything from baby showers, decorating, just everything.  We started to buy all the essentials and before you know it our nursery was done! I was getting my baby and my life would be complete!! I made sure the mother was taken care of anything she needed I would make sure she had.  It was about a month before the baby was due that our lives were turned upside down.  We were told by the mother of the baby that the father would sign over his rights.  He has not been there and our lawyer started to paperwork for him to sign.  I will never forget that day, the day my heart broke.  I was visiting my buddy in prison so I did not have my cell phone on me.  I got out of visitation and turned on my phone in the car.  I had over 40 texts from my wife and they all said the same thing “Call me ASAP 911″.  I freaked out and called her and that's when she hit me with the news “the father is not signing his rights over, we will not be adopting the baby”.  What are you talking about???? We have everything ready for Phoebe and our baby shower is next week.  Lets just say I didn’t speak the whole way home and I was devastated.  I took a leave of absence from work because I just didn't know how to deal with it.  Sitting in my house was horrible looking at all the baby stuff and knowing upstairs was the perfect nursery and it would be empty.  I just wanted to hide in a hole and never come out.  

I have never felt so much pain and I honestly didn't know how I would pull myself out of the darkness.  Then one day Tonya came home from work and told me she needed to talk to me.  So we sat down and talked and she told me that a friend of her named Ashley has reached out and said she wanted to be our surrogate.  My jaw dropped and I didn't know how to react.  Honestly I didn't know if I could trust it.  Surrogates are expensive and I remember looking at her and saying there is no way we can afford one.  Just like we looked into adopting a newborn and almost passed out.  “She is not going to charge us she wants to help”.  Yeah ok!! I looked at her like she was crazy.  She told me to reach out to her and her wife Jackie and talk to them.  So I did and was expecting to be let down.  I talked to them for hours and that turned into days and couldn't believe how great they were.  They wanted to help us with our dreams no strings attached.  She was pregnant at the time so that meant we had to wait our turn and I was ok with that.  Now we had to find a donor and another friend of mine stepped right in.  She said her husband wants to be our donor because she has seen what we went through. How amazing is that??? There are still some good people left in this world.  I was floored that people would be willing to help us.  Ashley had the baby and we waited till the time was right and it was safe.  The only problem was she lived about 4 hours away so trying to get her and the donor together at the same time during her ovulation was hard.  After a couple of tries with him we went back to the drawing board and Ashley had another donor for us.  Its now early 2021 and all I do is think baby thoughts and kept hearing 

“your time will come”.  We tried a few more times and nothing but negative tests.  I told myself I would not give up hope and would be positive. 

So, now you have the cliff notes version of why I am here.  Its time to document our journey and my thoughts throughout.  I am going to be honest here and not sugar coat anything.  This is MY blog and if there is something you do not like or approve of then hit the X in the corner!!

Much Love, Heather

[werezmastarbucks]

Whitmore Guy - party animals

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Part Six Part Seven

Kai Parker x fem!Reader slowburn

word count: 1600

warnings: Y/N’s bitching about people misinterpreting skate punk culture

music: neck deep - serpents (mark hoppus remix), good charlotte - i don’t wanna be in love, metro station - wish we were older, sum 41 - in too deep

The party was a success. The people did remember early Fall Out Boy, and they did still love them. Gerard Way’s name was still ringing bells in people’s hearts – the only thing Y/N was unhappy about was the fact that they completely mistook the idea.

“I mean… this is not an emo party”, she repeated for the thousandth time. Damon was at her side, just as he’d promised. He was at the very best disinterested in her youth’s culture. In fact, she remembered him mention once, Damon started feeling really tired exactly in 2006, and this outburst of depression made him migrate to north for some time, before returning to Mystic Falls. His silver-green eyes were snapping from one shape of human to another, he wasn’t really listening to her.

“They’re all misdressed…” she gasped. “Except… ah! That’s Mal. He always looks like he’s about to break his nose on the asphalt”.

“Why?” Damon asked absent-mindedly.

“Because he’s about to go skating”.

“That’s the guy?” Damon nodded at Mal, eyes focusing on him.

“Yeah”.

Music was blasting, and people were dancing. They were shaking, thrashing their heads. A couple of immortal hits already made the whole place sweat a little, their cervical vertebrae did not feel good about that.

Mal was chatting with a girl. The system Y/N was remembering people was, she remembered the kind of troubles they were in. This one, Cindy, or Sandy, she once failed to submit not five, not six, but ten papers in a row, and a group of teachers was very unhappy with her. Y/N could not really help her, except to say that she should probably stop partying and go study. Not a lot of time actually has passed since she was a student at a college herself; but she was never a party animal. She had problems with her studies because she had a cluster of minor disorders, from eating to insomnia.

From the looks of it, he was all over the girl. Wide smirk, and the way he bent to her slightly; his eyes were watching her expression closely, and the thin silver chain he always wore under shirt gleamed faintly in the blue lightning.

“I thought you said he was stunning”, Damon sneered.

“I never said stunning. I said adorable”.

“He’s very, very usual, Y/N”.

“Well, compared to you, maybe. Not all people tend to look like fucking Renaissance statuary, Damon”.

Damon sniffed, ruffling his invisible feathers.

“So, what don’t you like about him?”

“He looks like a man with a plan. I don’t really know what’s going on in his head”.

Damon turned to her and eyed her with the usual oily look of a hungry lizard.

“Man. I thought your intuition is kicking in. And you just wanna hit it up with a guy”.

Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Please, please, just for once, just do what I ask you to. Just check him out. Did you find anything about Martha Hopps, by the way?”

“I did, stalker. She is a real human person and she lives in Mystic Falls. She moved in recently with her parents and two sisters. Which is, whatever, considering she’s almost twenty four, and they all live in one house”.

“They’re millenials. It’s normal for us”.

“You don’t live with your mum”.

“Yeah, because I don’t talk with my mum. So, is her family crazy?”

“They sure look lame. Hopps papa seems to have complete control over his daughters. Obsessive type”.

“Oh, god. What if he really is the bad guy?”

“They’re a bunch of boring Christians. Martha is not even that pretty”, Damon clicked his tongue and started looking for the table with the punch. “I think her sister, Laura, is way more interesting”.

“Who cares”, Y/N said tiredly. She felt awful for spying on Mal’s girlfriend, second-handedly. “What you think. Let’s go find something to drink”.

“What do you mean, find?” the vampire went indignant in a moment, “didn’t you organize the whole thing?”

“I did, but Caroline moved all the tables in the morning. I didn’t manage to monitor everything”.

Together, they moved through the crowd, floating like two ships in the sea of shaking heads. Damon led Y/N by the elbow to keep her on her feet, because In Too Deep came on, and the crowd went wild. Mal was still flirting with Cindy/Sandy as they left. Minutes later, Damon abandoned Y/N at the table, to observe and have fun, and set off to look for the guy.

His face was showing in the crowd here and there, shooting Y/N glances of confusion. Mal seemed to have vanished, and the vampire couldn’t find him anywhere. He shook his head in amazement; the music was irritating him. He listened to different stuff; Salvatore’s heart belonged specifically to indie rock of the latter decade. For some unknown reason. In a way, Damon was an essence of the Mystic Falls town.

Soon, Damon disappeared, too, leaving her behind. She didn’t mind much; they kind of fell out in these last months. Y/N knew that Damon always had her back regardless, but they just didn’t talk much these days.

A song came in, the kind of it, that usually makes you see yourself from aside, standing alone, at the table with beer and punch, while everybody grabs their dancing partners by the waists. The sick lamp went from orange to pink even, and then an interesting turquoise shade flooded the hall; people all looked like sparkling fish, in their hats and pins and bright ribbons.

Something pushed her in the back, and moved the table, and Y/N jumped off just in time not to be stepped on.

Mal came round the table. He looked troubled, and his hair was ruffled. There was an even blush on his cheeks, making him look like he was no more than nineteen.

“Is that sex hair, Mal?” Y/N snorted, refusing to empathize with his wild gaze.

“She’s here”, Mal uttered, “dance with me”.

They took each other by the hands. Y/N downed her cup and threw it back on the table. Mal combed his hair with one hand, looking above her shoulder, and pulled her closer to himself.

“Who’s here?”

“Martha”, he said without expression. The eyes on his face were incredible, pulsating, like he was extremely horny, or very distressed; Y/N saw eyes like that on vampires after they’ve just eaten. His hands and face, on the opposite, were sturdy, mechanical.

I gave her my heart, she didn’t want it,

Took it anyway, put a dark spell on it,

Since then I haven’t been the same…                              

He looked down at Y/N like he’s just realized he was holding her.

“Go talk to her. Or nah?”

“Nah. I have nothing to say to her”.

“Really?” she went on with distrust.

“She doesn’t know I’m here”.

“You mentioned. You think she’ll scream or something?”

He snorted. His eyes warmed up just a little.

“Nobody’ll hear her. It’s a loud party”.

Mal put his hand on Y/N shoulder and let it rest.

“You’re a good friend”.

“Been training for years. Still not sure though”.

“I think I saw Demi here”.

“Who?”

“Your ex-crush whom I disapprove”.

“Dude”, she grinned, “he left”.

“Very impressive individual. Masculinity and bulllshit oozing out of him. God, his balls must be huge. Looked like he wanted to chat, but I Houdinied the fuck away”.

Y/N shifted uncomfortably, unable to stop herself from picturing everything he said. Mal was not completely wrong, and yet, the way he spoke about the older Salvatore was so poisonous you could die from listening too closely.

“Don’t like him, huh”.

“Don’t know him”, he nodded, “don’t really care. Just don’t let him hurt you. Why would he leave you alone? even I understand it’s not nice”.

“He didn’t come here to dance”.

“Why then?”

“Masculine stuff. Wanted to talk to somebody. Or check up on me. I don’t know”.

“Uhh, Y/N”, Mal sighed, sincerely enough. She got a desire to give him a hug, like a human, as a friend. Just because she hasn’t hugged anybody for a while. Because it’s been a month, and they got pretty close, attracted to each other like two wandering bog lights. So, she just did it. Wrapping her arms around him, Y/N pulled him close, and laid her head on his shoulder. Mal didn’t push her away, but the song ended, so they just stood. Mal smelled like candy again, and his skin, clean and white, had a trace of female perfume. Y/N didn’t know what to make of him. She wasn’t really jealous. She wasn’t really anxious. Their embrace existed outside their world. Mal still smelled of trouble. Y/N never for a second supposed that there wasn’t something utterly and vividly wrong with this guy. She just didn’t care enough.

“All that heart trouble”, Mal said suddenly, “just makes me wanna dance. Let’s get smashed. It’s Good Charlotte, isn’t it?”

“Back it up now, you’ve got a reason to live. Say, I don’t wanna be in love”.

“I like me a gal who knows all the lyrics to all the shitty songs”, Mal grinned wide, and they separated a little, but did not leave each other’s sight.

“This song is not shitty”.

“Nah”, Mal yelled, as the dynamic, loud part of the verse started, “some music is crap, and it’s good. Remember the motto of your favorite dudes”.

Y/N laughed. A little bit more of music, less light, and they were dancing like monkeys, waving their hands and thrashing their heads, a couple of happy, careless children. They managed to trick the whole college into listening Metro Station for fifteen minutes straight.

[vincent-g-writer]

The Silver Screen Savant: Thoughts on Hollywood Autism, Pt. 1

When I was a child, I didn’t fit in.

A common statement, many people empathize with. However, to say “I didn’t fit in,” is a gross understatement. I stuck out like a sore thumb, and at times, still do. Now, why was this, you may ask? Well, there are things I could name. A banal little checklist of traits and characteristics would probably do the trick. But I’m not sure that would do it justice. So I’ll tell you what it felt like:

I had trouble reading facial expressions, because people’s face, and hands, and body would say one thing, while their words said another. Smiles that didn’t reach the eyes. Laughs that were a little too hearty, or loud, or hollow. Disingenuous conversations and actions frustrated me. If lying was wrong, why were, as my mother used to call them “little white lies” acceptable? Why did we smile and thank our new neighbors for their homemade casserole dish, before promptly throwing it away when they left? These things, and many others, puzzled me. But the thing that puzzled me the most, was interacting with my peers. I didn’t understand the sensation of a hundred million bees, pricking me with electric anxiety when I went to school, or played with children in the neighborhood. I didn’t understand why they weren’t constantly talking, wondering, asking- about everything. I didn’t understand how their minds worked. Most of all, I didn’t understand why it physically hurt me to look into people’s eyes, child and adult alike. On the other hand, I did notice they didn’t like me very much. “You’re weird,” they would sneer. Or “you talk too much.” And, they were right. I knew they were. Even as I would wax poetic about all sorts of nonsense, like the difference between a cocoon and a chrysalis. I knew. But I couldn’t…I couldn’t shut myself off.

And that’s just one tiny example, of a lifetime.

Back then, if you’d asked what was “wrong” with me, on a good day, I would have shrugged. Other times, when I despised every fiber of my being, I’d parrot back the sentiments of my peers. “Freak,” “loser,” and “r*tard” were words I heard often. And for a long time, I believed them.

Today, I know differently. Not to say the above struggles no longer apply. If anything, some of them are worse. But now, I now longer blame or hate myself for being different. Now, I understand.

The Lightbulb Moment

In 2014, my daughter began speaking. She was four years old. Before then, she could say “dada,” “juice,” “two,” and “go.” The rest was garbled noises, when and if she made a sound. Most of the time, she didn’t. My wife and I were concerned, to say the least. But it wasn’t exactly a new worry. My princess never crawled, never pointed to get people’s attention, or show them things, and did not play with toys. Plus a host of other concerns. So we hopped on Google, and after about, oh, half an hour of research, got in touch with a doctor. Now, I feel like I must add the caveat here that we wanted to have her seen before then. However, many issues (including a bout of homelessness) prevented that. So we were a bit…late, in that regard. No matter. Her doc sent her to a local play therapist, and after about fifteen minutes of interaction, the therapist knew exactly what was going on: Our little Princess was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

But wait! There’s more-

Once this became clear, my wife started looking into other things. Her own independent research, as it were. She kept it to herself for a month or three, then avalanched it all into my lap . Our Princess wasn’t the only one, as it turned out. And really, had I ever bothered to look…it was obvious. But I was in denial. I couldn’t possibly be autistic. So, like the stubborn Taurus I am, I dug my heels in. I refused to discuss it, for almost year. But, my beloved wife, who is much smarter and wiser than I am, knew what to do. In the name of “research for Princess,” she had me read a list of common autistic traits/symptoms. And it all came crashing down. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was, without a doubt, also on the spectrum.

The gift of the Media: Fear, self hatred, stigma…superpowers?

Now, you might be asking, why exactly did I doubt myself? Cultural association, of course. And by “cultural association,” what I really mean is “the media.” Mostly, anyway. See, I’ve noticed a trend. In movies, tv and books, autism is usually presented in one of two ways: The Rainman, or the Idiot Perma-child, who cannot care for themselves. And I’m neither.

On the one hand, I was a straight A student. I could sleep through classes and make 100%. I was reading by the age of three or four, and I graduated highschool at fifteen. On the other, I have been known to go a full forty-eight hours without eating, because I “didn’t think about it.”

But I’m not the autistic person you see on tv. Now, that isn’t to say those people don’t exist. They do. For example, my daughter deals with much more noticable struggles than I ever have, while I have another member of my family (also on the spectrum) who is a certifiable genius. And I’ve known many others who are “obviously” autistic, whereas I pass as allistic* (see footnotes below) easily. Which is a sad discourse altogether, really. One the one hand, an “obviously” autistic person, what one might call “Low Functioning” (I could write a whole other post about why “low/high functioning” labels are harmful, however, for the sake of brevity, there’s some here, here and here) are often boiled down only to their struggles, where as people such as myself are relegated to “Not autistic enough to be my problem” or “well, you don’t look autistic.”

To quote-

“The difference between high-functioning autism and low functioning is that high-functioning means your deficits are ignored, and low-functioning means your assets are ignored.” -Laura Tisoncik

Why is this? As you might have guessed from the title of this post- I put a lot of it on the shoulders of the entertainment we consume. Nevermind certain hate organizations who swath themselves in the cloak of “advocacy” such as Autism Speaks, and Anti-Vaxcers, who think it’s better to have a dead child than an autistic one.*

I could go on. At length. However, I’m going to try and stay on track, just this once. To put it plainly, Hollywood Autism often works exactly like “high” and “low” functioning labels: We’re either uplifted to inhuman portrayals of superpowered savants, or downgraded to an “inspirational” invalid. In these stories, we’re props. The “Magical Disabled person!” as Tv Tropes puts it, there to uplift the neurotypical character from their adversity. After all, if this poor dumb sod (i.e- me) can be happy with their burdensome life, surely the pretty white able-bodied protagonist can! We’re “funny,” “scary,” or “sympathetic,” characters, who lack dimension, and nuance. We’re “inhuman.” We’re the lesser. Or at least, that’s one way it’s written. The other is the hyper intelligent, almost “superhuman,” and definitely super jackass genius, who’s much too smart™, and logical© to ever have feelings, friends or empathy. That’s it folks! That’s the show!

That’s what books, tv and movies told me, anyway. And what I truly believed for a long time. It’s why I cringed away in terror and shame when my spectrum issues were finally noticed. And why it took me so long to come to terms with it.

So, there you have it. Part 1. On the next episode, I’ll give some examples, both good and bad, and maybe even a little “what not to do,” or at least a “please consider real hard before doing this in your own work.”

If you like writing, talking about bad tropes and even worse marginalized representation, you can follow me at wordpress or at my “still has that new car smell” twitter. For now- thanks for reading.

-Your loving Vincent

*allistic= Non autistic.

*Vaccines do NOT cause Autism, however, if they DID, it would still be better to have an autistic child than one who died at the ripe old age of “easily preventable but deadly communicable disease.”

[jonsateaparty]

Let’s Analyse The Heck Outta This Playlist

I have listened to every single song in the Game of Thrones: The End Is Here playlist and hooo boy do I have shit to say.

Looking at all the songs, I found that I could seperate them into different categories. The categories were songs which fit certain characters or houses, or songs which fit the white walkers or war in general. There were also quite a few love songs, some of which could be easily interpreted as jonsa. Below the cut I’ve put together all the songs in their categories with some lyrics for each song and any notes I made while listening. 

HOWEVER since that shit is loong, I’m gonna add a preemptive TL;DR for some categories of interest before the cut.

JONSA

Overall, there were six songs that I could recognize as jonsa. The themes of these songs were that of a passionate and loving romance, with the occasional tinge of forbidden love and having to wait for their lover. These songs were also very, very blatant in their connection to jonsa. With most of them, jonsa was honest to goodness the only GoT interpretation for this love song. I really was shocked listening to how blatantly jonsa this playlist is guys.

J0NERYS

There were three songs in the playlist which I could call j0nerys songs. One of these songs I could argue belongs elsewhere and only there was one jonsa song that was ambiguous enough that it could be attributed to j0nerys. My absolute favourite song of these three is the song Little Monster by Royal Blood. In this song, a man who refers to himself as a wolf is the lover of someone who he calls Little Monster and betrays her. Yeah. They really went there.

D4NY/TARGARYEN

Three songs that are definitely about her, but I suspect a few of the “general” war songs are about her as well. Why, you say? Because Dark D4ny LIVES in this playlist man. These songs, which are mainly about fire and “black wings” (Drogon, anyone), talk about someone mad with powerlust, a “bitch” coming to take you to hell, and being haunted by demons in the fire. DARK D4NY IS COMING AND MY BODY IS READY FOR HR GLORY

STARK

In contrast to songs about fire being full of madness, the four “wolf” Stark songs that we get are about being free and victorious. One song in particular talks about the “Wolves of Winter” getting the better of someone who has “fits of paranoia”, someone who sees themselves as an exception but without people supporting them, they’re going to lose. Like. Holy shit.

TARGBOWL

Now, most of the other songs are either about the Greyjoys/Lannisters, generic war songs, power or dead things. However there is ONE war song that I think heavily implies targbowl. This song is called Go to War by Nothing More and seems to be about two groups of people who were once on the same side going to war.

That’s it of particular interest, however if you want to see a list of all songs and all categories, plus some lyrics and notes, check out under the cut!

Potential Jonsa Songs

Girl from the North Country – Bob Dylan - If you go when the snowflakes storm/When the rivers freeze and summer ends/Please see if she's wearing a coat so warm/To keep her from the howlin' winds Note: This song is either about Arya or Sansa. I honestly cannot see this song being about Arya, this is about a traditionally feminine girl with long hair. I say this is jonsa because I literally cannot think of any other thing this could be about.

Howlin’ for You – The Black Keys - I must admit/I can't explain/Any of these thoughts/Racing through my brain Note: Can’t explain their reasons (maybe because they shouldn’t be having them), wolf references, bird references? Very jonsa. Also could be general stark or gendrya.

Sister – Prince - My sister never made love to anyone else but me/She's the reason for my, uh, sexuality Note: OMG this SONG. Although this could also be about Jaime/Cercei… but considering that’s over, I’m going with jonerys. Especially since there’s a song about wolves right after…

Devil’s Spoke – Laura Marling -I might be a part of this/Ripple on water from a lonesome drip/A fallen tree that witness me/I'm alone, him and me Note: Honestly the only concrete reason I put this here is because I ship jonsa. It could be any ship. Also the first verse makes me thing of the Winterfell Godswood.

Winterlong – Niel Young - I waited for you Winter long/You seem to be where I belong

Furr – Blitzen Trapper - I brushed the leaves off of my snout/And then I heard my mother shouting through the trees/You should have seen that girl go shaky at the knees/So I took her by the arm

Potential J0nerys Songs

Mama Kin – Aerosmith - Well you've always got your tail on the wag/Shootin' fire from your mouth just like a dragon Note: Those line, plus the whole “Mama” thing makes me think this is jonerys. It could also be jon? I guess?

Little Monster – Royal Blood - I'm your wolf, I'm your man/I say run little monster/Before you know who I am Note: A song about a “wolf” in a relationship with a “little monster” who plans to betray them? HMMMMMMMMMMM.

Be My Fire – The Blue Stones - Baby, be my conjurer/And I'll hold you dear/Baby, be the visions in the night/And wait till morning light for you/To disappear

Dany/Targ Songs:

Sleep Now In the Fire – Rage Against The Machine - The world is my expense/The cost of my desire/Jesus blessed me with its future/And I protect it with fire.

Her Black Wings – Danzig - Demoness calls/The bitch is come/For those who wait/Cross the breach in hell Notes: I’m guessing another Targ song, what with the “black wings”.

Fire – Barns Courtney - Ghosts and devils come a-calling/Calling my name oh, lost in the fire

Stark Songs

Wolf Like Me – TV On The Radio - Got a curse I cannot lift/Shines when the sunset shifts/When the moon is round and full/Gotta bust that box, gotta gut that fish

Wolves of Winter – Biffy Clyro - We are the wolves of winter/We live in a kingdom of blood Note: Holy fuck the implications of Dark!Dany in this song!!! 

Dire Wolf – Grateful Dead - In the timbers to Fennario, the wolves are running round/The winter was so hard and cold, froze ten feet 'neath the ground.

Killer Wolf – Danzig - I'm the wolf/I'm the one you want/I'm the killer wolf

Potential Targbowl Songs

Go to War – Nothing More - I don't know what you had in mind/But here we stand on opposing sides/Let's go to war Note: Holy FUCK, this song seems to really foreshadow targbowl. It’s not a generic war song like some of the others, and it’s not about dead/evil/cold wars. This song seems to be about people who were on the same side then turned against each other.

White Walkers/war for the living songs

Immigrant Song – Led Zeppelin - How soft your fields so green/Can whisper tales of gore/Of how we calmed the tides of war/We are your overlords

The End – The Doors - Of our elaborate plans, the end/Of everything that stands, the end/No safety or surprise, the end/I’ll never look into your eyes again

Cold Cold Cold – Cage The Elephant - Doctor look into my eyes/I've been breathing air but there's no sign of life/Doctor the problem's in my chest/My heart feels cold as ice but it's anybody's guess

Burn the Fleet - Thrice - In this dark night we stand or fall/We are kings now, or nothing at all/Check your armor; Light up your torch

Dead Skin Mask – Slayer - Graze the skin with my finger tips/The brush of dead cold flesh pacifies the means

General songs

Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes - Don't want to hear about it/Every single one's got a story to tell/Everyone knows about it/From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell

War – Grandson - War up north/And war down south/Everywhere is war

Let Me Live / Let Me Die – Des Rocs - Tears don't stop the fire/It's killing time/Back from the dead/See your eyes, got nothing left/Kiss me, I am the colder Note: This is a song of ice and fire. This. Is A. Song. Of. Ice. And. Fire.

POWER – Kanye West - Life is a trip, so sometimes we gonna stumble/You gotta go through pain in order to become you Note: I’d call this a general song but this came right after a song about wolves so make of that what you will 😉

Let’s Have A War – Fear - Let's have a war/So you can go and die!

Powa – Tune-Yards - Rebel, rebel, no/Lightening dances in my head

No One Knows – Queens of the Stone Age - We get some rules to follow/That and this/These and those/No one knows

The Time Is Now – Atreyu - Flying high above the world/It's a new life, it's a new mind/And I will never fall Note: A Time for Wolves anyone? Especially since this comes right after a wolf song…

Rise Above – Black Flag - Jealous cowards try to control/Rise above, we're gonna rise above

Alternative Ulster – Stiff Little Fingers - There's nothin' for us in Belfast/The Pound's old, and that's a pity/OK, so there's the Trident in Bangor Note: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Sickbed of Cuchulainn – The Pogues - And you heard the rattling death trains as you lay there all alone/Frank Ryan bought you whiskey in a brothel in Madrid/And you decked some fucking blackshirt who was cursing all the Yids

Power – AJ Ghent [j-ent] - You wanna take me down/But I won’t bend

Toxicity – System of a Down - You, what do you own the world?/How do you own disorder, disorder

Here’s Your Future – The Thermals - God reached his hand down from the sky/He flooded the land then he set it on fire

Love is Blindess – U2 - A little death/Without mourning/No call/And no warning

Greyjoy Songs

Flugufrelsarinn – Sigur Rós - Ég næ ekki andanum og þyngist við hverja öldu/Mér vantar kraftaverk/Því ég er að drukkna – syndir (I can not breathe and I am heavier with every wave/I need a miracle/Because I am drowning- sins) Note: Lots of talk about the ocean/rivers/boats along with despairing over your sins and struggling to be better and repent. If that isn’t a fucking Theon song I don’t know what is.

Bottom Of The Deep Blue Sea – MISSIO - The sweet surrender of silence forces me to live alone/Locked and loaded, where the hell is peace of mind?/I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue sea

Wave of Mutilation – Pixies - You'll think I'm dead, but I sail away/On a wave of mutilation

Jon Songs

Born for Greatness – Papa Roach - No we’re not nameless, we’re not faceless/We were born for greatness Note: This could be generic, but this gives me heavy Jon vibes

EDIT: @ward--runa pointed out to me that this song suited Jon better.

Mother – The Amazons - Friends wanna kill me/But I give them all my loving anyway/If God won't forgive me/I'm not the only one to make amends

Lannister Songs

Listen to the Lion – Van Morrison - All my love come tumblin' down/Oh, listen listen/To the lion

Hot Blood – Kaleo - You wanna prove you're the better man/You wanna reach for the things that nobody can/Oh all you need is to break away, yeah/Just keep telling yourself there's no shame Note: This was either Jaime or Jon for me, but I settled on Jaime. Partly because this came after a string of what I think to be Cersei songs. Also The idea of being a better man, “love is gonna get ya”, “turn your back, you’re a broken man”, “shake your hand”.

Gold Lion – Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is

Cersei Songs

Queen – Perfume Genius - Don't you know your queen/Gleaming/Wrapped in golden leaf/Don't you know me Note: This gives me Cercei vibes but I honestly don’t know…

Cruel – St. Vincent - So they took you, and they left you/How could they be casually cruel? Note: ??? Maybe another Cercei one?

Crown of the Ground – Sleigh Bells - Set, set that crown on the ground and-ah

[ellamcrris]

((  — hailee steinfeld. 17. cisfemale. she/her.  )) why is ELLA MORRIS leaving the police station? i know the JUNIOR was LAB PARTNERS with bailey murphy and the last time they saw her, THEY ARGUED ABOUT AN ASSIGNMENT . and if that doesn’t scream guilty, maybe the fact that bailey knew HER MOM IS CHEATING ON HER DAD AND IS BRIBING ELLA NOT TO TELL  does.

If there was such a thing as royalty in White Lake, the Morris family was it. Ella’s father, Kevin reigned as the king, the long time football coach who led the team to the championship year after year, as tradition allowed. He was the star of the team during his time in high school. Laura, his queen, spent her teen and young adult years winning pageants and then opened the most popular salon in town, where she continues to work. Of course they had to leave the legacy to someone, hence their 3 children, Zach, Archer and Ella, the princes and princess, respectively. Her older brothers were legends in the sports category at the school, Zach now attended Princeton and Archer was in his senior year while Ella was a junior.

Ella followed in her mother’s footsteps and from a very early age began competing in pageants. Very early on she began winning and the feeling was almost addicting. She enjoyed being the center of attention, and let’s not forgot, wearing a crown. That transfers over to most aspects of her life. If anyone at the school were to be considered the “Queen Bee” it would most certainly be Ella. She is extremely social and has no problem making friends but don’t cross her or you’ll be sorry. Her social life is thriving and she’s smart as hell (sometimes with the help of a tutor). If she wants something, she’s going to get it, there’s really no use in trying to stop her. She has most of the student body, and all of the faculty and administration wrapped around her finger because they all see her as the golden girl.

(EATING DISORDER TW) Now, if there’s one thing the Morris family is good at, it’s keeping up appearances. They all attend every football game, if there’s every any kind of big event in town, they’re there. School functions? Not even a question – they’ll be in attendance. What not many people know is that it’s just that, appearances. Ella is slowly but surely learning that the life she once always knew as perfect is starting to fall apart. Over the last couple of years her mother has really started harping on her regarding pageants and things of that nature, monitoring what she eats, making sure that she always looks her best. That’s turned into a lot of criticism that Ella isn’t sure how to handle and she is likely on her way to developing an eating disorder.

To go along with the rest of her “perfect life” is Ella’s “perfect relationship” with Benji (SHHHHH guys, she doesn’t know!). Even though they do argue, because, cmon, the girl has to be pretty miserable some days with the expectations that everyone puts on her and that she puts on herself, she tries to avoid doing so in public. Despite that, she still thinks of him as her Prince Charming, and of course, her parents being high school sweethearts have put the pressure on her to make it work.

As it turns out, being the schools IT GIRL isn’t nearly as easy as it seems.

Ella having a solid group of friends around here is something I would love too, so you all can help me out on that front I hope! If you’d like to plot, message me or like this post!

[manicr]

abandoned WIP OTP 21

I wrote a chapter 21 of my otp challenge but really just lost all interest in it, since it’s like 13 pages long I’ll just post it. If anyone wants to continue it feel free.

OTP 21/30: Shower Sex

Warnings: mental illness & bad coping, substance abuse, mentioned self harm, suicide mention, abelism, abuse, hurt/comfort, D/s, controlling and manipulative.

Notes: Canon Bullseye grew up in a poor neighborhood NYC with Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens all cited as possible places. I’m placing him in the Bronx and that he lived there between the late 70’s to the late 80’s, mostly before the urban renewal of the area but after the lowest point of urban decay.

Canon Lester did blackops for the CIA before his career as a costumed killer, only on page mission was dealing with Contras in Nicaragua.  

Bullseye was “healed” by the Hand in an “improved” body in Elektra (2014-2015) after the failed resurrection by Lady Bullseye and the Hand in Daredevil.

Bullseye’s mental health has always been unstable, current comic-canon seems to be Bipolar Disorder (Foolkiller) with anti-social personality disorder (Daredevil).

Beta-read by Izumi

Summary: A call for help sent to an old friend. Rock-bottom ain’t that steady ground.

Daken hadn’t expected a text from Bullseye. In fact, he hadn’t thought twice about the assassin for years, nor had he any idea of how Lester had managed to contact him. It wasn’t like he was listed anywhere, or had the same number he’d had when they worked together. Yet, there it was.  

Ozzie cocktail

Bullseye

Short, to the point, and utterly unexpected. For a moment, Daken entertained the notion that it was a fake or an ambush, but it was unlikely that anyone but Lester knew what an Ozzie cocktail was or would want one. It had been his moniker for the medications he’d been on at Osborn’s Avengers. It was presumptuous of Lester to think that he would remember the exact composition of crap that he’d been eating – never mind the fact that he actually did. Daken sighed and set his phone on the table, leaning back in his seat and considering if he wanted to be dragged into the mess that was quintessentially Bullseye.

Tapping the armrest with lacquered nails,  he considered the possible scenarios. The simplest answer was that Lester actually wanted his help, that he’d run out of his drugs and urgently needed a top-up but couldn’t procure it himself. Additionally, it might still be a trap and an ambush, but not a premeditated one rather just Lester being himself.  

Daken took his phone again and checked the geotag on the text: 1968 Marmion Ave Apt 3D. Bullseye had deliberately left the data there for him to find. Lester still did that CIA/NSA black ops shit on reflex; he was a ghost when he didn’t want to be found. But his chosen place wasn’t much of a surprise. Lester had always been drawn to his old haunts, the Bronx was like a siren call to him, despite how much of the neighborhood had gentrified.  

He’d already made up his mind, want it or not. There was too much temptation in figuring out how much of a mess Bullseye had become since he’d seen him last. Certainly, he loathed weakness in others, but somehow seeing Lester’s was like watching a train wreck: morbidly captivating.

Rising and clicking though his contacts, Daken sent a short message to Laura that he had personal business to deal with, and if she needed him to text. He nearly didn’t send the message, hesitating for a long time, trying to justify it to himself. She had invited him to town. They had had lunch yesterday, with Gabby, and she’d talked extensively how she’d come to rely on him. Not that she needed to, Laura was more than competent to take care of herself and Gabby too. Daken pressed send, feeling overly sentimental.

He got dressed and got his keys. With a quick stop to get the drugs, it’d be a 40 minute drive from his Lower Manhattan apartment, if he was lucky. He’d hand the drugs over, investigate Lester’s condition to his satisfaction, and then spend another few years blissfully unburdened by Lester’s particular brand of crazy.

The first part of his plans went well. But knowing Lester, Daken should have expected it to fall apart the moment he stood outside looking up at the red brick house. The sex shop masking as a hair salon and driving school that looked like it had been there since the 70’s really gave the place ambiance. Daken quirked a smile at the equally rundown Gourmet Deli at the corner; Lester had always had a weakness for sub-par deli sandwiches.

He knew that he was hesitating, wasting time reminiscing about the very man he was there to meet. Double-checking the bag with the medication and ignoring the passers-by who ignored him too, Daken steeled himself and pressed the buzzer to apartment 3D.

No reply.

It wasn’t entirely unexpected, so Daken merely pressed all the buzzers until someone on reflex let him in. There was always that one person, even in a neighborhood like this where poverty was a real problem and crime was a common occurrence.

Walking up the stairs, and catching a few stares from the tenants as he went, Daken looked for Lester’s apartment, but for some reason there was no D apartment on the third floor. He couldn’t scent Lester strongly enough either, with the harsh stench of cleaning supplies in the air.

A dark and doe-eyed woman, barely more than a girl, spied at him from her half open door with a look that spoke of pure desire. '

“Excuse me, miss? I’m looking for 3D,” Daken asked with a smile, recognizing a person who would help him if he laid on a little charm.

“3D?” She repeated with a Puerto Rican accent, her smile faltering and face blanching like he’d asked for the address to the Devil himself. Which, to be honest, wasn’t too far off the mark.

“It’s alright, you can tell me,” he reassured her, pushing just a little pheromones to relax her. He should have expected the response. It wasn’t like Lester would be a model neighbor.  

“He changed the sign. It’s 3E.” Her accent got thicker as she spoke, her nerves still getting the better of her.

Daken thanked her but she closed the door before he could finish speaking. Lester had evidently rattled up his neighbors well and good. Daken rolled his eyes and went to the right door. Not even bothering to knock, he picked the lock.

As he tried to open the door, he realized there were several bolts barring the way.

“Figures,” Daken muttered to himself, before raising his voice: “Lester, come open the door, or I will break it.”

He could both hear and scent the assassin now, but there was very little movement from him and it was possible that he was either passed out or in a drug or alcohol induced stupor.

“You always had to have things the hard way.”

It took a few firm kicks to break the frame of the cheap door, blowing it open with a shower of splinters flying inward. Daken adjusted his jacket and hair, walking in and closing the door behind him, as best as it could be.

“Lester?”

The apartment was an utter mess. Leftover food, booze, clothes, trash, broken furniture, and a stench of unwashed human were the first impression, followed closely by the way Bullseye had torn up the walls and ceiling with impromptu weapons. Daken didn’t know how to feel about this revelation about his former team mate, it wasn’t exactly surprising but neither was it easy to square with his previous memories. Norman had always insisted on a clean house. But the signs had been there even years back.

As Daken moved in to the living room, he caught the whiff of blood and his nose could tell him that it wasn’t just the apartment that Lester had torn up. Bloody smears on the walls after bloodied knuckles, trails dripped and splattered on the carpeting and walls alike, together with copious amounts of vodka and cheap beer. It was easy for Daken to visualize Bullseye hitting the wall, screaming and punching and punching until he was a ragged bloodied mess, his rage unabated.

Pathetic. Daken sneered and wished that he didn’t have to smell all of the filth. He had half a mind to just dump the bag of pills and leave. Let Lester fend for himself.  Still, he went into the bedroom. Predictably, he found Lester, still in his costume, sprawled on top of the bed. He was alive, but about as mentally present as a lobotomized psych-ward patient.

“Tch, Lester. What have you done to yourself?”

Daken set the bag of drugs on the bed, which was as much a dirty mess as the rest of the apartment and stank even worse. The source of the stench was Lester himself, unwashed, unshaven, bruised, bleeding and with some of his wounds having the scent of beginning infection and sickness. He’d lost weight and mass too. Then again by the looks of the trash in the room, he’d been living off pastrami sandwiches, chips, cigarettes, pills and booze. It was hard to see the ruggedly handsome man beneath the grime and stench.  

It was hard to believe that he’d sent the text either.

Daken rummaged to find Lester’s phone, revolted to touch most of the things he found, but finally finding it beneath the bed. It was fingerprint locked, which wasn’t any real problem since he had Lester right there. Pressing a limp finger to the screen, it opened. Daken found the text immediately and noted to his own surprise that it was set to an auto-send. The conditions seemed to be a certain time of inactivity. Lester had set up his own SOS to him.

He didn’t know if he was to be flattered by it or just felt pity. It was undoubtedly pathetic and sad that he was the closest to an emergency contact Lester had.

Daken dropped the phone on the bed, and wiped his hands off on his pants. “You really are a mess, darling.”

He surprised himself by actually wanting to do something about it. He checked the adjacent door, and found a bathroom nearly as grimy as everything else. Daken turned on the shower, letting it spray and fog up the small room and puddle in the grimy tub.

Removing his jacket, Daken walked back out to Lester and started to undress him with clinical efficiency. Daken noted the signs of infection, cataloged the new collection of scars and, oddly enough, the absence of a few old ones he’d been intimately familiar with. It was Lester, without a shadow of a doubt, but it was like he’d been partially regenerated. He’d seen on TV that Bullseye had, allegedly, died, so maybe this was the effect of whatever had revived him.

Frankly, if he ignored the signs of abuse, Lester looked… younger. He knew the man was past forty, but the version of him that was passed out on the bed looked thirty at most. Lester’s clammy skin was tauter than it had been, his wrinkles far fewer, and even how his limited body fat was placed indicated a younger man. Not that Lester hadn’t done his best to squander his newfound youth with abuse and neglect.

Once undressed, Daken carried the dead-weight of his one-time team mate with benefits to the bathroom. He could feel that Lester wasn’t as far from consciousness as he feared and it was quite likely that he’d be able to wake him with little effort.

Placing Lester in the tub beneath the spray of lukewarm water, Daken rolled up his sleeves and resigned himself to the task ahead. Lester didn’t stir yet, beyond a reflexive cough at the water in his mouth, so Daken found a bar of soap and started to scrub Lester down, taking particular care with his wounds.

He’d done worse tasks; Lester at least was still alive. Besides having washed dead bodies before, he'd also dismembered people using his own claws -- a messy and intimate job that was smellier than what he was doing now.

“Sometimes I think that you do stupid shit like this just to get my attention, Lester,” Daken said softly as he worked the blood off Lester’s long fingers.

He worked his knuckles gently, bruised as they were. Daken told himself he was doing this because it’d put the mighty Bullseye in his debt and control, and any other action would merely put Lester into the hands of the authorities.

“It’d be much easier for you to just call me, y’know.”

Rinsing Lester off, Daken went to see if he could find a razor in the mirror cabinet. The  glass was cracked and the lock broken, and most of the content of the shelves were empty pill bottles. To his surprise, there was a straightedge razor folded there too. It was visibly bloodied. Picking it up and barring the blade, Daken rinsed off Lester’s blood, trying to keep the sneer off his face.

Lester could be so weak and foolish. It got worse when he was unmedicated. Every now and then, he'd just spiral into anger and self-destruction, borderline suicidal and 100% certifiable.

One day Lester would kill himself.

But not today.

Daken went back to the tub, razor in hand, and started to shave Lester’s face. The stubble wasn’t too long and yielded easily to the blade. Slowly, a more familiar face emerged. Lester, despite being a mess, looked much better clean-shaven. Daken debated with himself if he should shave Lester's head. The inch or so of bright blond hair was an unfamiliar sight, but not altogether displeasing now that it was clean. It did, though, make the scar on Lester’s forehead even more jarring. The old scar tissue seemingly recently deepened. Daken, deciding he had done enough, let it be.

At this point, Lester started to stir with slow and unfocused movements, coughing away water and reacting to touch. Doubtlessly, he’d be still drunk or high once he did wake up.

Daken didn’t expect Lester to be grateful or even appreciative of his effort. Cleaning up Lester’s mess had always been fool’s errand. Daken supposed that he was the fool today.

Daken slapped Lester sharply in the face, once and then once more when Lester didn’t respond to the first one. Lester woke with a groan and an immediate instinct to lunge for him.

He easily restrained him and firmly pushed him back down in the soapy tub. “Stay down, Lester.”

“...Daken?” Blearily staring at him, Lester seemed to struggle with what he was seeing.

“You’re in your shitty rathole in West Bronx, it’s Tuesday, and you texted me to come here,” Daken filled him in and stood up, grabbing a towel and wiping his hands and arms, though feeling that it made him dirtier than if he hadn’t. “I brought you your drugs and cleaned up your sorry ass.”

“What?”

Lester tried to get out of the tub and slipped back in even before he’d managed to get up. He was weak as a kitten by all accounts, though slightly more sober than Daken had expected.

Cocking a brow, and fighting the urge to smile at Lester’s expense, Daken noted, “Say: thank you, Lester. Be a good boy for once.”

“For getting me naked, ya freak?” Bullseye snarled and seemed to regret his own vehemence as he cringed, possibly from whatever withdrawal hangover he was sporting.

“You were covered in blood, vomit and booze, darling, and some of those wounds will need serious care or the mighty Bullseye will die from sepsis. In case you didn’t notice its rather cold in here but you’re still flushed. You have a fever brought on by infection. You need antibiotics, which neither you nor I have with us. And that’s without mentioning the other drugs you should be taking.” Daken’s tone was deliberately dry and slightly accusing, he had no intention of pussy-footing the issue.

“Next time you decide to try to commit suicide, remove me as your ICE contact. I don’t fancy finding your bloated corpse.”

Lester grabbed an empty bottle of body wash and threw it at him, Daken easily caught it before it hit his face.

Glancing at the bottle and back at Lester, Daken arched an eyebrow and drawled, “Really, darling?”

“You fucking piece of shit! GET OUT!” Lester roared, as fierce as the aforementioned kitten and flushing further from the exertion of simply raising his voice.

It was hard to take him seriously; looking as young and weak as he did, Lester sat in the tub like an overgrown child, still wet, bruised, and sulking at needing help.

Setting aside the bottle and sitting on the lid of the toilet, Daken rolled his eyes.

“Again, you contacted me. Why don’t you grow up a little, and show some gratitude. Say: ‘thank you, Daken, for saving my life’. And why not add a ‘sorry for the bother’ to that as well. I’m making this easy for you, Lester, since I know how you get when you’re like this. Don’t push me or test my patience, I won’t be so forgiving then.” He put some force into his last words, making it very clear to Bullseye that he wouldn’t tolerate a tantrum from the unstable assassin.

Lester coiled up both emotionally and physically, and Daken could tell how close he was to another outburst. That wouldn’t do. Before, Lester could lash out in whatever manner he had intended – the straight razor resting on the corner of the sink being a likely candidate – Daken grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against the tub, water splashing the both of them.

“Settle, Lester,” Daken ordered firmly, easily being able to hold Lester down, weak and poorly positioned as he was.

Snarling and barring his teeth, Lester struggled against his grip but Daken remained unmoved. Wanting it to be quickly over, Daken popped his claws and let the tips graze Lester’s throat. Despite his volatile temper, Lester finally froze beneath his grip.  

“Bastard,” Lester hissed in anger, his heart rate far too high and naked chest heaved with each breath.

“Get it though your metal-plated skull, I’m here to help you. What we’re going to do is to get you out of this tub and dressed in something that resembles clean clothes. You'll take your damn meds and we'll leave this dump. You need medical attention and I broke the door getting here. But first, Lester, you need to get your shit together long enough to do any of that. Do you understand?”

Lester glared at him, his blue eyes finally seeming focused and aware, but he didn’t reply.

Daken stared him down and pushed his claws a little closer, scraping skin but not yet breaking it. “Understood?”

“Understood.”

Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t just anger and resentment that Daken scented on the man at his gritted reply, but arousal. He should have known to expect it. Lester had always been turned on by shows of force and, in a roundabout way, by being dominated. Him being naked and probably high did nothing to dissuade that. However, with his condition it was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to perform or enjoy anything.

Daken eyed him again, now that he was mostly clean and awake, Lester looked somewhat attractive again. Last time he’d touched him with that in mind had been a while ago, and with a body that had been in a sense of the word, older and more worn. Still it was a hard shift from before.

“You seem to have gotten an upgrade, Lester,” Daken remarked and ran his free hand down Lester’s wet chest and abdomen,  more sensual than he had done when scrubbing him down.

Lester’s eyes flashed and he bared his teeth, still with that same undertone of need making his pissed off visage more of an affectation. “None of your business, bitch. Hands off the merchandise.”

“You seem to like it. I think I like the change too, you were getting a little on in the years. Was starting to think that the next time I saw you, you’d be fit for a nursing home,” Daken mocked and ran his hand along the inside of Lester’s thigh, noting that Lester couldn’t get it up despite his desire. He’d assumed correctly regarding the assassins fail and exhausted condition.

“Fuck you.” Lester hissed and grabbed the front of Daken's wet shirt, tugging him down lower into his enraged face.

However, he also shifted his legs in the tight space in a manner that made Daken’s hand glide lower into his groin and press the both of them closer to each other. Everything Lester did was full of contradictions, desire and violence intermixed. Pity that it couldn’t go any further.

Nearly purring, yet showing control, Daken noted, “So that’s what you want, darling. What makes you think I’d give it to you?”

Lester strained once more in his grip, the muscles in his neck tightening and making Daken’s claw pierce skin. It drew a droplet of blood, which turned pink with the water.

Daken withdrew his claws, unwilling to let the masochistic and self-destructive assassin decide what kind of abuse he’d receive. He’d be a fool to trust Lester’s judgment.

“You’re sick and hurt, Lester. You’d do best to do as you’re told, or I’ll just decide that I can’t trust to be conscious.” His tone was once more serious and matter of fact, the teasing gone.

Bullseye did react on that threat; he could scent the tinge of fear bloom in him like a toxin spreading through his veins.

“You know just how easily I could knock you out. Just a little more pressure on your neck and you’d be out like a light. I’d carry you out of here just as easily as I carried you here,” Daken continued for good measure, his hand now on Lester’s right wrist, pulling his grip off him.

Lester’s eyes grew wider and his lip trembled slightly, though he still held onto his facade of anger. The man had never known how to deal with his own feelings, always reacting with anger.

“You do not control me. You do not command me. You say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’. Understood?”

He was used to repeating himself with Lester, hammering home his message by utterly overpowering him. Lester was always more hassle than he was worth. It had been foolish to come at his call, but he was here now.

“Understood.” The same word repeated. He seemed slightly more honest with his acquiescence this time, but Daken wouldn’t hedge his bets on it. Besides, his agreement wasn’t enough for all the hassle and wet clothing.

“And?” Daken pressured.

“...Thank you.”

Lester said it in the same tone as ‘fuck you’, but it would be the best Daken would get out of the unstable psychopath in a near future. Any manners had to be coaxed out of him with threat of violence or promise of reward.

Daken merely nodded and patted him on the cheek, he did not want to overtax the already weakened man with too much strain. For all he knew, Lester could have a heart attack if he stressed his body any further, those drugs he took weren’t exactly entirely safe with the vodka he could scent on Lester’s breath. Reading the warning labels on the pills had been an experience of its own.

Finally turning off the water, Daken grabbed the cleanest towel he could find.

“Get up.”

Another cut off curse from Lester and a strenuous climb out of the tub, nearly ending with him falling head first back in before Daken could grab him. Clicking his tongue, Daken steadied Lester and wrapped him in the towel, roughly drying him.

“You know, I hadn’t expected to have to give you the assisted care treatment. But you just had to go and fuck things up. Next time, don’t expect me to come running.”

Resentment boiled in Lester like a pressure cooker but he contained himself to murderous glaring, and Daken wondered how much more he could provoke Lester.

“You’re not mute. Say what you want to say.”

Daken tossed the towel aside, leaving Lester shivering, the cold finally registering in him.    

“Fuck you, you shitfaced toerag. Fucking fuck you, I’ll fucking rip your teeth out and feed th--” Lester started, building up more rage even as he spoke, the profanity and threats rolling out of him relentlessly.

Daken punched him in the face.

“No. If you have something real to say, use your words.”

Lester stood stunned. Despite his condition, he managed not to stumble back from the blow. Daken had probably gotten the worst of it; he’d forgotten how much hitting Lester’s adamantium skull hurt. Ignoring Lester’s wide-eyed shock, Daken went to grab the least objectionable clothes he could locate.

As he returned with a loose tank and sweatpants, Lester merely spat: “I hate you.”

“That’s better. Put these on so that we can leave, your shoes are by the bed.”

He shoved the clothes in Lester’s hands and seeing how unsteady he was, firmly guided him to sit on the bed. Leaving Lester to dress, Daken removed his wet shirt and threw it on the floor with the rest of the junk. He put on his jacket, pocketing both of their phones.

“You got everything?” Daken asked and took the bag of drugs he’d brought with him. “Any keys, IDs, cash, cards, personal effects?”

Lester shoved on his shoes and got up, going to a closet and getting a baseball cap, a thin jacket and a backpack. Evidently, he’d been well enough, at some point, not to only set-up his SOS but also a go-bag. That spook shit still stuck with him.

Lester moved to leave and Daken immediately went to his side, holding his arm as he guided him out of the trashed apartment.

“You won’t be returning here,” Daken asserted as they walked out of the half open door into the aggressively lemon scented hallway. Lester shrugged and moved on down the stairs. Daken caught the girl from earlier glancing at them from her door, he paid her no heed. He was relieved to leave the squalor.

The damp spring air outside was welcome. Moving steadily to his parked car, Daken dragged Lester with him. He refused to let Lester walk on his own after he nearly did a nosedive into the pavement stumbling over his own feet.

It started to dawn on Daken what he’d done.

He had a wanted criminal in the middle of a borderline psychotic break in his care with no plan of what do do with him beyond patching him up.

“Where are we going?” Lester echoed the question that was spinning inside Daken's head.

“Away,” Daken spoke as he thought. “I'll get you started up at a new safe house.”

He caught the glare Lester was sending him but ignored it pointedly. He didn't have the patience to deal with Lester's petty resentments.

“My car is right here.” Daken grimaced as he noticed that the car had been keyed and attempts at breaking in had been made. He open it and gestured for Lester to get in. It took a moment of mutual glaring for Lester to give in and get inside, still with that sullen look on his face.

“You can stay at my place until I get the right calls gone. Eat your meds and just shut up while I fix things.” It wasn't much of an apology and not really meant as one, but Daken couldn't let go of the, quite likely misguided notion, that he owed Lester something. With this he could clear whatever red he had in his ledger when it came to the psychotic serial killer, as well as enough leverage to keep himself in the clear.

He got his phone and started making the calls even as he drove. If some flatfooted cop wanted to stop him, Lester would deal with it in his usual way. Daken refused to feel any responsibility over that potential scenario.

The first calls yielded him little next to nothing. He didn't have enough sway to pull a safe-house out of his hat that easily, but it gave him enough intel to know who could and at what price. It was all becoming more of a hassle than he'd budgeted for by far. The medic was an easier issue. He would get a house-call that evening and the first step of getting Lester off his couch would be achieved.

“I ain't gonna stay, fuckface,” Lester grumbled as they drove downtown. Daken ignored him and kept on driving.

The silence held for a little while.

“Why the fuck are you doing this?”

“You texted me.”

“Like the fuck that matters. I dunno how off my tits I was to do that, but you fucking came and I wanna know why!” Lester was yelling now. It was all so unnecessary and loud.

Daken didn't have a great answer. “I did, so what of it?”

“No! You don't get to do that. You don't get to betray us all, bail out and then just waltz in smelling like roses once the shits blown over.” Lester was fuming now, Daken didn't need to look at him to know that. At least he'd medicated himself.

“That's exactly what I do, darling. Whatever benefits me. Ozzie's show was going to blow, we both knew that, I just had the sense to get out before you all got caught,” Daken countered, not bothering to deny anything, even if the words felt like the belonged to a man who died a decade ago.

They had both died.

But it seemed like only Daken had come back different.

“So, where's the benefit? How does this fit into your schemes, Daken?”

Lester was so confrontational, so volatile, and the old Daken would just have put him in his place using whatever means necessary. It however didn't feel right. Instead, Daken just ignored Lester's whining.

“A medic will see you over this evening. Get some antibiotics in you and deal with the mess you've let yourself become. Leave after that if you wish. Deal with your own mess.” Daken stared at the road and kept both hands on the steering wheel.

Lester's angry silence filled the car, but Daken didn't let himself be baited by it.

“You died,” he said, breaking the tense stand-off, “how did you come back?”

“None of your fucking business,” Lester spat, once more avoiding the topic.

“True, but I'm curious. It was quite the thing to see you impaled by your dear Daredevil on live TV. Very up-close and personal. You finally got what you wanted: his undivided attention.”

Daken knew he was being cruel, knew that every word would dig at Lester like ticks under his skin. It was a bad habit from the bad ol' days, one that he found himself slipping into far too easily.

It wasn't hard to predict that Lester would attack him, Daken blocked the first hit without looking away from the road. He did however turn and punch Lester in the chest as he stopped for a red light. Lester wheezed and crumbled, too weak to be a real fight. Daken drove on as the light turned green.

“Fucking hate you,” Lester wheezed a while later, and Daken just hummed.

[vvitcheshq]

And here’s our second sample application, for anyone still looking for a little clarification on what we’re looking for in an app -- I hope that it’s helpful to you all, but if you have any other questions about what we’re looking for as you work on your application, please do let us know!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED SKELTON: Amaryllis CHARACTER NAME: Imogen Gisladottir AGE: 24 GENDER & PRONOUNS: nonbinary/transfeminine, they/them or she/her MAGICAL DISCIPLINE: Imogen is in the 6th year of their advanced study of theoretical Pattern Magic FACECLAIM: Laura Harrier

DEVELOPMENT

PAST:   ( trigger warnings: maternal death )

At four in the afternoon on the 11th of September, a woman enters the maternity ward of St. Agnes’ hospital alone and in labor. Too thin, too small to be more than a few weeks into her third trimester. They rush her to a room, and she spends nine hours in labor before a doctor makes the call to cut her open.

At 3:45am on the 12th of September, she dies. The baby nearly does, too, umbilical cord wrapped around their neck, mouth open in a tiny o desperate to take in air but finding none, but a young midwife named Olayemi Adeyemi pushes air back into the little under-developed lungs and, though the baby does not cry, they do begin to breathe.

The mother has no family, no husband or boyfriend by her side, no parents to call. No one to claim her body. No one to claim her baby. And there is this: a tiny spark, which Yemi sees int he baby’s eyes, as they take their first breath, a sign of something special within them.

No one else is in the room. It isn’t difficult to set a pen down here, close the curtains just so, draw a sigil in condensation on the windowpane, a confluence of events that makes the baby disappear. Lungs not properly developed, the papers say, once they are signed and stamped and filed away deep in the archives of the hospital. And Yemi takes the quiet, wide-eyed baby back home.

It is six years before the baby gets a name. Six years of being passed between witches with their hands full, cared for lovingly, doted on, cooed over and smiled at. There are eleven witches, in the Blair coven -- plus one who they explain to their curious new child is visiting other covens, learning to master other forms of magic.

And baby makes thirteen.

When they are six, Gisla Minervudottir comes home to her beloved coven, having finally mastered technological magic -- she’s got everything but chaos magic, now, maybe years away from being able to petition for her ability to be considered for the elections of the High Council. Gisla sees the child -- wide eyed, still, whipcord thin, hair wild from running around after their mothers -- and smiles.

Gisla names them Imogen, promises to stay a while before heading for Seattle to meet with the coven she plans to stay with there. She stays just long enough for Imogen to grow transfixed.

It is Yemi who raises them, while Gisla travels the world, studies, campaigns, all in turn, all in pursuit of this higher goal. Yemi who teaches them the concepts that make pattern magic, who -- though, without their inheritance, they cannot do real magic get -- teaches them how to crack the shell of a hard-boiled egg just so, to make the birds outside sing a little louder, teaches them how to hang prisms on the door so that the light will make the house invisible to wandering eyes.

But it is Gisla whose name they take -- a whirlwind of charismatic energy, the kind of authoritative charm that will one day win her a seat as High Council.

They study pattern magic with fervor, every moment of their young life anticipating the moment of their inheritance, when they can finally put all of their work to use. Gisla comes home, for their inheritance ceremony, and she smiles in approval at the patron who has chosen them, a respectable patron, if lower-profile than they would have anticipated. But Imogen loves it fiercely, this new power, being filled up with this meticulous magic, and the next day they pack their things and Gisla herself takes them to Aradia, to begin their education.

There is never a question of what discipline they will choose. They pay their other studies only a passing glance, their first year, and the day they are able to they declare their intention to pursue an advanced track in pattern magic. It comes hand in hand with their mother’s appointment as High Council, all cause for celebration. Gisla asks them, over dinner, just the two of them, what they think of Professor Stokes, if they think she will be a satisfactory teacher, and when Imogen gushes about how much they respect their new Head Professor, Gisla purses her lips and hmms, as if that wasn’t the answer she’d wanted.

Year two, year three, year four, year five. Imogen excels. It’s not a surprise. They’re expected to, and so they do. Their life as rigid as their magic, everything to a set schedule, an obsessively kept bullet journal, every assignment neatly done and turned in on time. A master semiotician, that’s the aim, that’s what every breath they take is working towards.

They are making progress. They will make their mother proud. Every night spent in the library, every pattern that sucks them dry of energy, it will all be worth it when they can finally make her proud.

And then Gisla Minervudottir comes to Aradia, to speak with the Headmistress, on Council business. And she leaves, without stopping by the Pattern College to see them.

PERSONALITY:

+ precise -- it comes from pattern magic, you see; everything is so particular, not a millimeter out of place, and being raised with it it is something they have taken to heart: everything intentional, everything just so. the better the rules of pattern magic are followed, the stronger the magic is. + attentive -- they learned early on to pick out details so insignificant others would pass them by, because these are the fuel on which their magic alights. they notice things, constantly aware, always focused. + honest -- they’re matter of fact, not seeing the point in lying -- it only gets people in trouble after all, only causes misunderstandings and miscommunications and things to go wrong. they’re honest, sometimes, to the point of brutality, but they don’t see it that way, they’re just telling it like it is. - uncompromising -- it comes from that stubborn need to prove themself to their mother. it comes from the rigid rules by which they live their life. when their mind is made up, there is no changing it, and when there is something that needs to be done, it will be done. - insecure -- they hide it so well, they really do, but there is a yearning to prove themself, at every step, the constant thought that they have to work to be good enough to deserve what they’ve been given, to make their mother proud - selfish -- there’s so much to focus on in the narrow circle that is their life that they have no time or energy to look outside of it. it’s so much easier, after all, to fulfill your own needs than others, to do what’s best for you, to remain neutral in situations that don’t effect you even when it might been someone else gets hurt.

PATRON:

Janan Mazanderani (Tehran, 1928-1979 A.D.)

    Born into a strict Muslim family, Janan did not discover her magical aptitude until she was granted her own inheritance, and ran away from home when she did, taking shelter with a small group of elemental witches in Tehran. Her own magical interests, however, lay in more theoretical fields, and over the course of her life she wrote several texts on pattern magic, with a focus to the possibility of using a blend of pattern and social magics to enact socio-political change. Over the course of her life, she housed and taught many young runaways. Unusually short-lived for a witch, Janan was killed for her political activism at the height of the Iranian Revolution.

PLOTS:

AND WHAT IF YOU’RE BACKING THE WRONG HORSE? Imogen’s patron had a revolutionary spirit that Imogen never fully embraced, but with massive political change in the air -- change their mother is behind -- the two sides of them, their family and their patron, are starting to come into conflict. should they stick on the well-trodden road, follow the rules like they always have? or is it time to embrace the revolutionary spirit they’re starting to feel increasingly called to?

CALCULATE THE ENTROPY. with everything so perfectly ordered, so obsessively constrained to the strictures of pattern magic, what happens when Imogen comes across a problem they can’t solve by aligning things just so? what happens when they need to let something destructive and unpredictable like chaos magic into the carefully demarcated limits of their neat little life? how hard will they fight against disorder before they have to give in?

ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA TO GET US KILLED, OR WORSE: EXPELLED. there are secret clubs doing illegal magic, in the Aradia Institute, and while Imogen pretends not to know about them, they do. and while getting accidentally involved in one wasn’t exactly on their to-do-before-graduation list, how hard can they fight against the well-repressed urge to have a little fun?

EXTRAS

x. inspo tag x. patron graphic

[ontarioyoga]

Is There Such Thing As Baby Yoga

New Post has been published on https://www.ontarioyoga.net/is-there-such-thing-as-baby-yoga/

Is There Such Thing As Baby Yoga

Learn The Art And Practice Of Prenatal And Postnatal Yoga Fertility Yoga Yoga For Menstruation And Menopause And Restorative Yoga

The signature Bliss Baby Yoga philosophy and methodology fuses scientific knowledge of safe practices with a holistic, spiritual understanding for a satisfying learning experience.

We offer an ever-growing array of specialised online yoga teacher training courses and classes, and professional development modules, taught by Ana Davis and her team of highly qualified and passionate women’s health experts.

Enjoy a softer, more feminine approach to yoga, embodying the sacred essence of Ahimsa , that will deepen your own practice and connection with your feminine body and soul, and enhance your teaching repertoire—from wherever you are in the world!

‘I have been using this book to help with postnatal depletion and my cycle and I can’t recommend Moving with the Moon enough! Ana is clearly passionate in her knowledge and understanding and has created a peer-reviewed educational resource that is easy to open and use at any section, depending on what you need help with at the time. There are treasures to be found for all woman; young, old, time poor, exhausted, trying for a baby, depleted from having a baby, menstrual disorders, all of us.

The classical women’s postures and restorative postures for women’s health are my go to sections, all beautifully illustrated. There’s even a Moving with the Moon playlists suggestions at the end of the book! Thank you, Ana, for your passion and the work that has gone into creating this resource. This will be passed down the family.’

In The First Few Months After Having A Baby The Last Thing Many People Want To Do Is Put On Some Work

Baby Yoga is a wonderful way to bond with your baby. Babies naturally love to be gently caressed and handled and practising Yoga is a perfect way to do this in a calm, relaxed environment.

There are many reasons why regular Yoga practice is beneficial to both parents and babies and here are our top five.

Issues To Watch For When Doing Or Teaching Yoga Is There Such Thing As Too Much Yoga Uncategorized

I have been doing yoga longer than I have been teaching it.  However, I have recently realized that in some cases anyway, there is such a thing as too much yoga.  Let me explain some issues that could hinder your yoga practice and why I say that.

Most of you that read my blog already know that my spine is fused from top to bottom.  But what you may not be aware of is that I am also hypermobile or “double jointed”.  Between the two, I finally figured out that I am doing too much yoga for ME.  Of course as I age, the hypermobility has decreased some, but it still has given me problems.

In a nutshell hypermobility is the looseness of the joints.  As a kid, this was a really cool thing.  Even as an adult I still manage to have some fun with it but in doing yoga, it can produce some issues for those with this condition.  For example, in doing down dog or any of the warrior poses, I have a bad tendency of locking my knees.  That means they bend a little backwards and create what I “thought” was stability.  It’s not a bad thing but in doing yoga, you really need to pay attention to the way your joints and bones move.  They all work together and if your joints are locking up it puts your whole posture out of whack.

mechanical problems

diseases and conditions resulting in joint damage

brain, nerve, and muscle disorders that damage nerves, tendons, and muscles

bone fusions

Are There Any Baby Health Conditions That Might Affect Its Use And Success

If your little one has any specific physical conditions such as ‘clicky’ hips, reflux or congenital disorders do consult your health visitor or GP before trying baby yoga. The great thing about baby yoga is that you can just take it to the level that both you and your baby feel comfortable with – it is not a competition! So just do the bits that work for your baby, stretching the parts of their body that are safe to be exercised. 

When your baby is or if they have recently had injections, be aware that they may be extra sensitive. In some instances baby yoga can be a good distraction for your baby, helping them to cope with these experiences. However, some babies may not enjoy doing baby yoga at this time. Your baby will make it clear if they are not enjoying it so always be aware and in tune with the signals they are giving off and react accordingly.  

Read more: How yoga can help keep pregnant woman and new mums stress-free

Baby Yoga Can Give You Better Rest Increased Flexibility And A Happy Baby

After nine long months, you’re delighted to have a sweet baby to cuddle and love. But a new baby means a new schedule, and you may find yourself with less time to focus on your health. It’s important to find an exercise regimen that is gentle enough for your body but is also challenging and exciting.

Whether you’re new to yoga or were a committed participant before you had your child, baby yoga is an excellent way to get you on a structured postnatal wellness path. “We recommend baby yoga for anyone who is looking for a healthy, playful bonding activity to do with a new baby,” says Lauren Chaitoff, co-owner of New York City children’s yoga studio Yogi Beans and contributor to .

Check out these nine reasons to do baby-centric yoga that will have you and baby feeling great in no time! 

It’s a Great Bonding Experience With Your BabyMom and baby programs focus on both of you. “We modify traditional yoga poses so that moms can practice yoga while holding and rocking their babies,” states Laura DeNino, baby yoga instructor at the Yoga House of Charleston. The result is time dedicated to bonding. 

You’ll Be Able to Ease Back Into YogaUnlike high-level adult yoga classes, child yoga acknowledges the changes that a new mom’s body has been through. You’ll work with your recovering and changing body instead of against it. 

So grab that yoga mat and find a baby yoga class near you. Your body and your baby will thank you! 

Care directory

What Is Container Baby Syndrome And Do I Really Have To Worry About It

All parents need a safe spot to put their babies down. But is there such a thing as too much time in a bouncer seat or activity centre?

July 7, 2021

Photo: iStock/Fly View Productions

The inverted metal V in the middle of my living room separated my life as a parent into two eras: the before-Jolly Jumper times, and after. Before-JJ, I bounced my colicky baby on a yoga ball for hours, cramming granola bars in my mouth with one hand. Post-JJ , I could sit and enjoy a whole sandwich while his delight at moving his own body beamed straight into my heart. These short breaks played a huge part in bolstering my mental health as a new mom.

Before long, though, guilt would start chipping away at my bliss. Yes, my friends and I cheekily called these types of products, especially Exersaucers or activity centres, “circles of neglect” . Despite the jokes, I knew I shouldn’t leave my son in the jumper for very long—it wasn’t good for his little body, I’d heard. But how long was too long? Would five more minutes spell disaster?

Stephanie So, a paediatric physiotherapist at Pediatric Physiotherapy Associates in Scarborough, Ont., who’s been advising parents on kids and healthy movement for more than 30 years, isn’t sure what to make of the label—“It sounds a bit negative,” she says—but she is aligned with the idea that parents need to be aware of the importance of offering infants safe opportunities to move freely and practise new skills, like rolling and crawling. 

Have You Ever Downplayed A Dream Did You Tell Your Friends Your Family

Here’s the thing: your dreams DO matter. How are they ever going to come true if you pretend they are not important?

In today’s episode, Rachel shares her own intimate dream. It is one that may not be possible for so many reasons, but by speaking her dream out loud, she just may be bringing herself one step closer to manifesting it.

Let today’s vulnerable sharing be a reminder that you can dream, too. You can get your hopes up. You can believe in the possibility of beautiful outcomes. You are a constituent of this universe, so you get a say in what happens!

Tune in to dream big and shout from the rooftops exactly what it is you want – the universe will be listening.

Baby Yoga: 10 Reasons You & Your Newborn Should Consider Practicing

Doing Yoga with your baby has a lot of health benefits, and there are many reasons why you should give it a try.

Yoga: the great mind, body, and spirit connective activity. Despite yoga being very popular, many are unaware that those invaluable connections can be explored outside of one’s inner self. In fact, mothers who practice yoga with their newborns can experience an entirely new type of connection among a variety of other great and positive benefits.

RELATED: 15 Moms Who Should’ve NEVER Worn Yoga Pants

In addition to getting comfortable in one’s new mom role, moms are often trying to get comfortable in their new mom’s body and get adjusted to their new mom hours. There is a pretty good chance yoga can help with all of that. Read on for more ways to get that mom and baby  on.

Top 5 Reasons Why Baby Yoga Is A Must Do For You And Your Baby

A lot of mums and dads think that baby yoga is mum and bub yoga. Well I’m here to dispel that myth and give you 5 very good reasons as to why it’s important for your baby.

A lot of yoga studios do mums and bubs yoga. Parents attend because they think it’s baby yoga and then are very disappointed because the emphasis is on the mum or dad. It’s just a yoga class that invites babies along and has nothing to do with true baby yoga. Yes it’s still very good for you as a parent but what does it do for your baby? Not very much.I can understand that disappointment. You were promised one thing and got something else entirely. And I’m all about the baby and the relationship building between parent and baby.

I’ve done my research, as always! And there are very few true Baby Yoga studio classes. One other that I know of is at Yoganic at Willoughby … http://www.birthlight.com/page/birthlight-australia-centre

They are the official Birthlight Yoga training affiliate where I did my Baby Yoga Diploma last year … http://www.birthlight.com/page/baby-yoga and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fBp3noYlyg

Babies are rocked and touched in utero and baby yoga looks at recreating that special bond and movement that was experienced previously. After birth, gentle movement and touch together are the basis of synesthesia . It is the way babies bring together their sensory experiences in a general way through an emotional interaction with their parents or carers. So what are the benefits of any yoga? 

Baby Neck Strengthening Exercises And Tummy Exercises

When it comes to baby exercises, neck strengthening and tummy time are key. “Babies spend so much time on their backs early in life that spending time on their belly is important to build strength in different positions,” says Sarah Johnson, PT, DPT, a pediatric physical therapist at Riley Children’s Health. “Developing the back, core and neck strength creates the building blocks babies will need to progress in their development of gross motor skills such as crawling, sitting up and eventually walking.” These allow baby to start supporting themselves and explore the world around them.

During tummy exercises and any baby exercises, also be sure to supervise at all times. When it comes to baby tummy exercises, don’t force baby. Start with just three to five minutes a day and gradually increase from there.

Is There Such Thing As Perfect Alignment In Asana

There isn’t, bodies are all different, but I do think there is a safe alignment and that is important to avoid injury. For ex if the pose asks you to bind and when you bind you get all twisted/bent in an unhealthy way, then modify by using a strap or skip the bind completely as long as you’re keeping the twisting motion, to the degree your body allows.

I also like to think of the “intention” of the pose, what I should aim I focus on . Here’s an example of breaking down a pose by its intentions https://www.yoganatomy.com/triangle-and-revolved-triangle-pose/

About The Instructor: Elizabeth Rudzki Green Ms

Elizabeth earned a Masters in Counseling Psychology from Loyola University of Maryland before returning to Pittsburgh, where she is thrilled to share her passion for yoga with her community. Elizabeth lives in Squirrel Hill and is married to her high school sweetheart. They welcomed Stella Marie into their lives in April 2013 and stay busy with 2 dogs, a cat and making their house a home. Elizabeth completed her 200 hour yoga certification through South Hills Power Yoga and is grateful to help others create flexibility of body and mind.

Hatha Yoga Guide: Science Benefits And Insights

In this comprehensive guide to the fundamentals of hatha yoga, yogi and mystic introduces us to this phenomenal science. In a series of articles, he corrects many misunderstandings about the process and explores how we can reap the maximum benefits hatha yoga has to offer.

The body is a very large part of who you are right now. The science of using the body to hasten your evolutionary process is hatha yoga. The body itself has its own attitudes, its own ego, its own nature. Let us say you decided, “Starting tomorrow, I will get up at five in the morning and go for a walk.” You set the alarm. The alarm rings. You want to get up, but your body says, “Shut up and sleep.” It has its own way, doesn’t it? Hatha yoga is a way of working with the body, a way of disciplining, purifying and preparing the body for higher levels of energy and possibilities.

Finding A Mother And Baby Yoga Class Near You

Baby yoga is really safe and easy to do in the comfort of your own home if you don’t feel like attending a class; all you need is a warm, safe and calm environment. Place a non-slip towel or yoga mat down on a clear space of floor and you and your little one are good to go! 

If you feel nervous about doing baby yoga for the first time on your own, then why not enrol in a local class to gain confidence. These will usually be run by baby yoga instructors. A quick Google search of mother and baby yoga classes near me will help you find one close by. 

However, if your baby is healthy and there are no known issues which could affect their enjoyment then you should feel empowered to go ahead!  This is a big workout for your little one, so go gently at first, reading your baby’s reaction and mood with every step. 

It Promotes Bonding Between You And Your Baby

The number one reason why baby yoga works so well for parents and their babies is that it strengthens the child-parent bond. After all, you’re in physical contact with your baby for most of the session. Given how busy modern schedules are, taking care of your baby can sometimes feel rushed because you’re juggling it with other items in your to-do list, but doing baby yoga allows you to slow down and spend time mindfully with your baby.

At the same time, babies need a lot of affectionate touch, especially from their parents and caregivers, and they can miss out on it when they’re always in strollers. Since baby yoga requires you to hold your baby a lot while paying careful attention, you deepen your bond and become more attuned to your baby’s body language and cues. After spending so much time in the womb, which is dark and enclosed, babies can become more comfortable with the outside world with the guided sensory stimulation from baby yoga.

It Gives You The Chance To Meet Other Parents

Baby yoga classes are only for parents and their babies, so you’ll be with people who can relate with what you’re going through. Some classes even encourage a certain theme or facilitate discussions about parenting, so it’s easy to start conversations and meet other parents. You can even hang around after the class to socialise.

Another great thing about baby yoga is that it provides a supportive, non-competitive environment where you won’t feel pressured and you can speak up about your concerns. In fact, it’s usually okay to stop or go out in the middle of the class to change your baby’s nappies, and you don’t have to feel self-conscious about your baby crying. Of course, your baby also gets to meet and interact with the other babies there!

Climbing Stairs For A Toddler Is No Mean Feat

To understand the full impact of how much effort a small child needs to exert to climb stairs imagine you, yourself, are a little toddler again and you want to climb your first stairs. Put the situation into proportion: those first steps you climbed were giant steps, reaching up as far as your thigh!

Could you do that today? Climbing thigh-high steps requires humongous effort from the thigh muscles. Try climbing stairs, three or four steps at a time!

Learning To Move Is Not That Easy For A Baby

From birth on, all humans embark upon a long and intense period of physical training comparable to the intensity of the training of an athlete. We all know and accept the fact that the movement vocabulary, fitness level, and endurance of children by far exceed the physical capabilities of adults, but why should this be so? In so-called “primitive” or non-urbanized societies this is not the case.

Baby Yoga What Is It And Why Should We Care

We explore the ins and outs of sharing a mat with your mini.

Melanie Dimmitt

When presented with the notion of yoga for babies, I scrutinized it as I would a designer diaper bag. A lovely idea, in theory, but do I really it? Amid the plethora of mommy-and-me offerings – music classes, French lessons, sign-language… even Salsa dancing – why choose yoga? Babies are naturally bendy, are they not? It isn’t called a ‘happy baby’ for nothing. However, on closer inspection, there’s more to baby yoga than child’s play .

First things first. What is it, exactly?

Baby yoga tends to mean one of two things – an adult yoga class that you bring baby along to, or yoga that is actually for your baby. In a parent-focused class, bub takes the role of spectator-slash-adorable-prop.

“The babies lie on a blanket in front of the parents’ yoga mat,” explains Neelu Shruti, of Love Child yoga studio in New York. “Throughout class, which includes upper body stretches and glute strengthening, we will include baby in poses such as ‘push-up kiss baby’, or hold baby while doing squats, lunges or abdominal exercises.”

Love Child studio’s Baby & Me Yoga class incorporates restorative poses and sequences well suited to new parents – so long as they’re okay with the occasional flow interruption and not-so-silent Savasana.

But there are, according to Neelu, ample reasons to abandon your landslide of laundry for a class such as this.

We’re listening.

Now… will a yoga mat fit in my new designer diaper bag?

Top Tips For Getting Started With Baby Yoga

Do your baby yoga routine when your baby appears active and is showing you they want to play and move. 

Do not do baby yoga if your baby is tired, hungry or has just been fed. Remember baby yoga is only beneficial for your baby if they are feeling happy and comfortable.

Don’t do baby yoga with your baby if you are feeling over-tired or uncomfortable yourself. Your baby may pick up on your signals and feel discouraged. 

Keep good eye contact with your baby as you do the moves. Really ‘tune in’ to your baby.  If you do this you can respond quickly to baby’s cues and check they are still enjoying themselves. 

Smile at your baby to give them reassurance.  

Never force the movements. If your baby is under five months they will have less range of movement at their shoulders, elbows, hips and knees compared with an older baby. Younger babies rely on this natural tightness to move, so it is important not to disrupt this. 

Start off with just a couple of repetitions, increasing length and duration as you learn together. 

Remember to show your baby how proud you are of their new skills! 

Ensure that your little one is wearing a well-fitting nappy such as Pampers Active Fit. This type of nappy will adapt to your baby’s movements because it has stretchier sides than ordinary nappies to help to keep your baby dry and protected no matter how much they move. 

Consult your health visitor or family GP if you have any specific concerns.

How To Learn Yoga From Your Baby Or Toddler

Juliette Kando is a dancer, choreologist, author on fitness and health, and Fellow of the Benesh Institute at the Royal Academy of Dance.

Happy-baby-pose also called Ananda balasana

Any parent who knows a little about yoga will agree that many of the movements made by babies and toddlers are very similar to yoga asanas. From a choreologist’s point of view this is not surprising since, upon analysis, yoga is very closely related to human movement development from birth onward.

This article explains the origins of human movement and demonstrates many naturally inborn baby and toddler yoga moves. While playing with your child you can copy those moves. Teat the child as your teacher. Together you can enjoy playing and discovering yoga as a fun and entertaining way to get fit.

Why Baby Yoga Classes Can Also Benefit Mom

Hopefully a little bit of a workout. Some yoga classes are gentle and/or focus a lot on playing games with the babies .

Classes at dedicated yoga studios tend to offer more workout and less playtime. There is often a focus on poses that help new moms relieve the strain of nursing and start to regain some abdominal strength.

Yoga Poses for Breastfeeding Moms

The ideal class from a mom’s perspective allows you to do as much yoga as possible while your baby isn’t upset. Because, let’s face it, your baby isn’t the one that needs this time and space to do yoga. You are.

You will also get out of the house to an environment that is not stressful where you will meet other new mothers. The value of connecting to this community should not be underestimated.

Is There Such A Thing As The Best Yoga Mat

Kate was looking for a new mat because hers was getting worn. The one she had was a lower quality, so it was beginning to tear in small areas. While it was nothing serious, she decided to begin looking for a better yoga mat. She was looking into many different websites and other resources to lean about how to find a good mat.

There are many different sizes and style of mats available nowadays, so Kate was having a little bit of a hard time deciding on just one. She wasn’t really sure where to go for the best prices, or best styles of many mats available.

So what are a few qualities that make a good mat?

•Shouldn’t be too hard or soft•Should have a side that is sticky•Length can vary •Price may be important to some people•Thickness should be at least 4 mm

Mats come in all sizes, designs and styles. Finding one that you think is the best is all up to you. There is no right or wrong mat. The first thing that you should look for in a yoga mat is comfort. Being comfortable with your mat is a big plus.

Mats usually have at least on sticky side. This helps to keep it in place and from sliding all over the place. As far as the length of the mat goes, this is another personal preference. Some prefer longer mats as you can move around more on them. These types are great for taller people.

Picking the best mat for you doesn’t need to be a chore. There are many sites that can help you find the best deals and mat just for you.

Limit Babys Activities To No More Than 15

Most yoga classes are between 45 minutes to an hour. That’s fine for mamas, but that length of time is too much for babies. While a baby is more than welcome to have some tummy time or sit and babble happily away while you perform additional, restorative or strength-building poses, your baby should only be actively doing yoga for 15 or 20 minutes. Anything more than that can overtax his/her already busy and developing body.

Why Do Children Love To Hang Upside Down

We always have a special treat at the end of a children’s ballet class. I, the teacher, pick up each child, by their ankles and hang them upside down; one at a time, of course. “Again, again!” they shout when they are upright again. Children often know instinctively what is good for their hard-working bodies.They love hanging upside down because it helps them stretch, relax and grow; it reverses gravity, takes the weight off their little growing bones.

How To Give A Mummy And Baby Yoga Class Charlie Stewart-Brown

Teaching a Mummy & Baby Yoga class is a joy for a yoga teacher, but more importantly for the mum and baby.  It’s a wonderful activity for them to do together and a lovely opportunity for them to bond in a different environment.  I set up the first ever class of this type in Switzerland and it’s become increasingly popular across the country.

The mums get to know other mums in their area which is especially nice if it’s their first child or they’re expats living in a country away from their family and home friends.  It can be an especially difficult and lonely time for mothers who work and are on maternity leave, who often struggle with their change in identity, productivity and even boredom.  Mummy & Baby Yoga classes are a great opportunity to socialize with other women in the same boat and do an activity for themselves, without having to pay for childcare.  More often than not the mums in my classes would go for a coffee together afterwards and the babies became friends too!  The babies are fascinated by one another and it’s beautiful to watch them develop more and more each week and start interacting together.

The Yoga Instructor Should Be Certified

Certifications and credentials are always a good thing to verify when trusting your well-being – and your baby’s – to someone else’s expertise. However, yoga certification should be an essential “prerequisite” before enrolling in a class. 

First and foremost, the instructor should be trained and experienced in teaching parent-and-baby classes, understanding which postures and holds are safe, and which aren’t, to keep your baby safe. Your safety is also a priority. Your connective tissue is still very elastic from the hormonal changes that took place to accommodate pregnancy, labor and delivery. Postnatal classes should support that, keeping you safe from stretches or postures that could lead to potential strain or injury. 

If you find out your baby isn’t as into the classes as you are and you opt to take a yoga class on your own, make sure to inform the instructor you are XX weeks postpartum as s/he will probably amend certain poses for you until you’re body is further along in its recovery.

Playing With Your Child At Ground Level

Instead of sweating it out at the gym, why not just play with your child at ground level in a physical conversation to discover three things:

Babies and little children can teach us the basics of yoga.

Children prove the benefits of hanging upside down.

Your body has done all this before.

As soon as you start learning yoga from your child the muscular system begins to remember long forgotten moves from the days you yourself were a baby, then a toddler, exploring the wonders of human movement capabilities. How blissful was this very short pre-school time, before you, like all other children in formal education, were told to “sit still and behave.” From then on we all became bound for life to chairs, tables, and desks. Here is a unique opportunity to re-live that wonderful youthful, carefree and happy time with your baby or toddler.

Benefits Of Postpartum Yoga For Mothers

It helps ease new parent jitters. Get started by attending a class taught by a trained instructor — it’s a safe and structured way to engage with your baby.

It’s a little TLC for your body. Any kind of yoga gives you an opportunity to nourish and care for your body through focused stretches and mindful breathing exercises, which is especially important after carrying a baby for nine months and then giving birth!

It stretches and strengthens the muscles that need the most TLC. The gentle movements and mindful breathing that are integral to yoga boost abdominal strength and activate the pelvic floor muscles, which aids recovery from giving birth, while classic poses — from upward facing dog to cobra — help open up the shoulders and chest you rely on for all of the rocking and cradling you do in the first few months with your baby.

It helps you meet new moms. After baby is born, you might not have as much time for socializing. But it’s reassuring to talk to other mothers who are going through the same experiences as you are. Yoga class provides a safe and nurturing environment for new parents to discuss worries and concerns. You’re not alone!  

It helps you and your new baby bond. Yoga is a healthy, playful activity you can enjoy together. 

Is There Such A Thing As A Yoga Expert

I was speaking recently with some yoga colleagues and interestingly, we had all shared a similar experience:

the experience of ‘discovering’ something in our practice and then at some point being in a class where the teacher taught ‘our’ discovery,

of realizing that we had actually been taught that so-called discovery a hundred times before, but just didn’t ‘hear’ it!

I found it quite amusing that this was such a common experience. When I reflected on why, the following 2 thoughts came to mind…

So much is conveyed in a class that I think because it means the learning never stops.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as a yoga expert. BKS Iyengar teaches to approach the mat each day ‘as a beginner’. I understand this to mean that no matter how much progress I’ve made, knowledge I’ve gained, classes I’ve taught, there is always the potential to learn more, to delve deeper. As the asanas penetrate, I change. And as a result of that change, I’m forever a beginner learning to understand my state of being . While not easily embraced, I believe this process to be humility at its best.

So why do I blog about yoga?

Despite not being a yoga expert, I blog. Should I? I don’t know, but upon reflection I think my intentions can be summed up in 4 main points:

I blog to share my passion for Iyengar Yoga with others and hopefully ignite a spark that might lead others to their own mat.

Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Yoga

I don’t know why I was surprised that there was two yoga classes a day, during my week long yoga retreat in Mexico. It was a friggin’ yoga retreat!! The classes were wonderful, but I was a little bored. Why did I go? Someone had put it on my to-do list. Oh, yeah, that was me. Once it’s on there, it’s on there.

Haramara Retreat has no electricity, no internet and you can’t flush your used toilet paper. Simply throw it in the wastepaper basket and call it a day. I found this curiously fun. It did take a couple of, “Oh, crap, I put it in the toilet.” I was afraid that the retreat police was going to knock on my hand-built, environmentally-conscious cabana door and put me in a time out. Or worse, make me fish the toilet paper out of the bowl.

We had fresh, local, organic food and fruit I’d never heard of. There were unpaved trails, a private beach with climbing rocks, an infinity pool overlooking the Pacific Ocean and really stupid sand crabs. The crabs would climb, or rather side shimmy, up the tropical hillside and then die. Weren’t they going in the wrong direction? Every night, walking back to our rustic and built without machinery, cabanas, we’d step over dead crabs in the path.

The ocean was rough and loud, which lulled me to sleep each night.

I loved the open air shower, with its unobstructed view of the ocean. I didn’t worry about my hair clogging the drain because there wasn’t a drain. My strands gracefully and peacefully became one with the jungle.

Baby Exercises To Get Your Baby Moving

When you think about exercise, you wouldn’t tell babies to drop and give you 20. But the Society of Health and Physical Educators recommends that all children up to age 5 do some kind of physical activity every day. And yes, that means babies too. Baby exercises are an important part of infant development. Infant exercise can help strengthen baby’s neck, help develop their hand-eye coordination and help baby learn to walk. So where do you start? From strengthening to baby yoga exercises, it’s time to get baby pumped to move with these baby exercises.

In this article:Baby hand-eye coordination exercises

What Does This Mean For Yoga Teachers

So here’s the big question: What does this mean for you when working with a student who has had a hip replacement?

Proper exercise after surgery can reduce stiffness and increase flexibility and muscle strength, so yoga is a good thing for this condition. But how much and how soon are dependent on many factors such as physical health before the surgery and presence of chronic conditions that may affect the speed of healing. In the past this surgery was reserved mostly for older patients, as artificial hips didn’t last as long as they do now, and having a repeat hip replacement is possible but not desirable. But as technology has improved, so has the number of years the prosthetic parts can be relied upon to serve their purpose. So now it is more common to see hip replacements in younger people, who may be in better overall physical condition and who will heal faster.

So what restrictions should students with THR follow and for how long? The answer is, it depends. The goal is to avoid disturbing the healing process after surgery, and once healed, to preserve the function and integrity of the artificial joint for as many years as possible. Total rehabilitation after surgery will take at least six months for most people.

So when a student tells you they have a hip replacement, first, ask how long ago the surgery was, and whether their procedure was the anterior or posterior approach.

Getting The Word Out About Your Class

Feel free to leave a comment or let me know how it goes if you set up your own Mummy & Baby Yoga classes.  For any question, please join and post your question on the Facebook group:  Yoga Teachers Advice Forum and you will get advice from myself and over 130 yoga teachers worldwide.

Take care and breathe deep.

Standing Walking Climbing And Running

Before a baby learns how to stand upright to walk, it has to perform thousands of deep squats, most of which fail and end up plonking their butt on the floor. A nine-month-old little athlete grunts and puffs for strength to get up and to find balance.

They never give up until they can walk, run, skip, and jump. Why does this drive for moving ever have to stop?

It Eases Tension And Gets You Moving

As a parent, baby yoga will also be beneficial for you! Baby yoga is still a type of yoga, so you’ll experience a lot of the usual perks associated with regular yoga classes. Through the modified poses and guided breathing, you’ll be able to relax more, sleep better, and let go of tension. If you’re consistently putting your baby’s needs first before your own, you have to practice self-care too so you won’t experience burnout. 

While both mums and dads can do baby yoga, some classes cater specifically to mums, offering postnatal exercises that put them back on track with their fitness. Since a mother’s body has gone through plenty of changes recently, these classes emphasise muscles such as the pelvic floor, back, and tummy. Aside from easing back pain and speeding up recovery, baby yoga can guide mums into building up strength and flexibility again.

It Helps With Your Babys Development

The most obvious impact of baby yoga is that your baby becomes more at ease with their body. Baby yoga serves as both exercise and play for them. Not only do babies love being lifted and stretched in the right way, they pick up better body coordination too with baby yoga. For example, when you lay your baby on their tummy, neck and upper body strength become enhanced, so it’s good to put your baby in different positions. Exercises where babies cross their arms or feet over the midline of their body can even contribute to brain development

Whatever stage of life we’re in, stimulation is necessary for us to grow and develop and it’s the same for babies. A baby yoga class offers variations in movement, visuals, and even sounds. Because they’re in a controlled environment, babies become better at processing different stimuli without being overwhelmed. Beyond body awareness, they also form a better sense of the physical space around them.

There Is No Such Thing As A Due Date

Us women are impatient creatures at times. The most frustrating part of pregnancy is probably the ‘due date’ wait. To be given a date of when to expect to be holding your baby in your arms, is asking for stress levels to rise and frustration to build! Imagine being told you’ll win the lottery on the 1st March, to then wake up and realise it ain’t happening. All of that excitement to get to this one date, and it came and went in a flash with no prize!

What we need to remember is that these ‘dates’ are based on every woman having 28 day cycles and conceiving their baby on the 14th day of that cycle. It’s also assuming that all women have the exact same length of pregnancies and all babies are ready on the exact day too. Basically, it’s an estimate. A very rough estimate. For labour to begin remember, our minds and our bodies need to feel calm, happy, safe and relaxed. Spend time doing things that make you feel wonderful – watching your wedding video, browsing old photos, going to your favourite restaurant, watching The Notebook… if your body sense stress of any kind , it’ll keep your baby in longer!

Breathe in, breathe out, and let your body do it’s thing. And if it’s not too late already, don’t tell people your ‘due date’! ?

Which Gravity Inversion Table To Get

I recommend the Teeter Inversion Table because after all these years of using cheaper models I have come to the conclusion that my current Teeter Inversion Table is the easiest to assemble and to use, with the most sensitivity for balance, without jerking as most of the others did. The Teeter is also the most comfortable on the ankles for prolonged use.

What Do We Wear And Take To A Class

Parents and babies should both wear loose, comfortable clothes that are easy to move around in. Jogging bottoms, loose t-shirts or vest tops are ideal.

For babies, I would recommend a sleepsuit with a short-sleeved vest underneath. Sleepsuits are comfortable and easy to whip off when needed.

During the baby massage you will have to take off the sleepsuit, hence the need for a vest. Some babies don’t mind being only in a nappy, whereas others hate it. Both of mine did when I took them to massage classes!

Most classes will tell you what to bring when you book a place, but a towel and/or a yoga mat will most likely be necessary. Some classes will provide the mat depending on where you go.

Many classes take place in a village hall or similar, where the floor can be cold and hard, so a mat is essential. Having somewhere warm and soft to lie your baby down is vital. Babies won’t relax if they’re not comfortable.

I’d also recommend bringing some water. It looks like gentle exercise and it can be taken slowly. However if you’re a newbie or trying to get in shape again, it’s going to take you a little while to get back into things!

Exploring The Benefits Of Baby Yoga

Beate ChungCertified Yoga Instructor

Beate has taught yoga as a certified instructor in the US for over 7 years then she moved to Taiwan in 2010 to open her first yoga studio.

Baby yoga doesn’t seem to be as familiar a term as yoga itself, but more and more parents are seeing the benefits of yoga as a form of exercise that can help them bond with their little one while promoting the development of their babies’ gross and fine motor skills. This practice comes with many physiological benefits. It also improves social interactions among new parents and their babies. Let’s have a look at the benefits of Baby Yoga!

What Are The Benefits Of Baby Yoga

Baby yoga mixes physical touch with emotional contact and movement. The meaningful touch and play used in baby yoga gently encourages your little ones to enjoy and explore their newfound skills as they start to progress and move in different ways. Even if you only do it for 5-10 minutes at a time you will really notice the benefits such as bond and communication.

For Your Baby Stretch Sense Sleep

Babies are extremely limber and this dexterity can help them perform basic yoga poses with ease. Obviously, the stretches are guided by an instructor or the parents. Yoga can help the baby sleep in more regular intervals, and the stretching and posing foster the baby’s gross and fine motor development. The practice has also been found to be effective in promoting better digestion, preventing constipation and relieving colic in infants.

For Yourself Touch Attach Connect

Aside from the physiological benefits, baby yoga fosters deeper emotional attachments between the parent and the baby. Throughout the exercises, the parent holds and touches the baby and the sedation of touch helps strengthen paternal or maternal bonds. The sensation of touch also promotes circulation, which gives both the parent and infant feelings of calm and relaxation. Parents who enroll in baby yoga classes are also given the opportunity to socialize with other mothers and fathers and discuss “new parents’ stuff”. The classes are also great places for babies to interact with other infants for the first time.

Is It Safe To Do Yoga With My Baby

There are so many reasons why doing yoga with your baby is a fantastic idea. In addition to getting you out of the house and into the world of mamas who are on the same journey as you, taking a Mommy-and-Me type yoga class is a sweet way to bond with your baby outside the confines of the normal daily routine. 

Additionally, yoga is a safe, healthy way to speed up your postpartum recovery. It strengthens core and pelvic muscles, and rebuilds strength, flexibility, and balance in your post-pregnancy body.

That said, safety is always always the top priority for you and your baby. Check in with your OB before signing up for a class. Most physicians recommend postpartum moms wait at least six to eight weeks before getting back into an exercise routine, and you may need to wait longer than that depending on your labor and postpartum recovery process.

Yoga safe and fun to do with your baby as long as you adhere to the following conditions:

Benefits For Both Baby And Parent

I noticed my daughter often has a great lunchtime nap after baby yoga practice. This used to happen after a baby massage class too so it didn’t surprise me to learn they share many of the same benefits, including promoting restful sleep through active play. I asked my baby yoga teacher Sam, from Vital Cores in London, what the other main benefits of baby yoga are:

Strengthening parent and baby bonding through interaction and touch

Mobilising the baby’s hip and shoulder joints

Activating and stimulating vestibular system

Strengthening the baby’s essential neck and core muscles

Developing the baby’s language skills through singing

Aiding digestion by relieving constipation and trapped wind

Toning the baby’s digestive system

For me, another huge benefit to attending baby yoga classes is the social aspect of meeting other Mums and babies. It also helps add some more structure to the day and gives me something different to do with my baby. In the classes I attended, each week there was a different theme so even with set routines to follow it still felt new and entertaining.

Baby yoga is suitable for 12-week old babies until they are pre-walking. We started them when my daughter was around four months old and have continued to do so every week since. The classes are currently moved online due to social distancing measures and this has worked just as well, giving us more positive things to do from the home.

Origin Of Human Movement Behavior

The development of human motion in a Darwinian sense began from

climbing trees to standing, to cave dwelling and

running upright to escape from predators

while carrying a baby or a weapon

Evolving this way, humans developed quite a unique and technically challenging vocabulary of movement. Re-learning kids moves helps to become agile and comfortable at all levels of action. Be it squatting, crawling, climbing or hanging, jumping or running. Coincidentally or possibly devised by really wise people, many yoga asanas represent basic positions needed to achieve such a rich movement vocabulary that small children possess naturally. The amazing thing is that kids do it automatically and with great ease. It may be time for us to find our physical inner child?

What a big heavy head the baby has to learn to carry!

What Age Can You Start Baby Yoga

The best time to start is probably after your baby is 6 weeks old, once you have had your check and the baby has better neck control to keep them safe. By then you will also likely have more confidence. Always look at your little one to check their reaction and to ensure you are doing things they enjoy, it is all about really simple yoga stretches, not complex moves. If you have any concerns at all then consult your health visitor or GP.

It Enhances Your Babys Wellbeing

The movements in a baby yoga class are specifically designed to enhance your baby’s wellbeing. Babies find repetitive movements soothing, and their cortisol levels—or the amount of stress hormone in their body—naturally go down, resulting in a stronger immune system. As a result, babies aren’t as prone to strong ups or downs and crying fits, and they can fall asleep more easily, meaning more time for you to rest! Some poses can even improve digestion, so you might notice that your baby has fewer issues with colic or wind after a baby yoga class.

When Should We Start Baby Yoga

You can start baby yoga as soon as you like. It really depends on when you feel ready, especially if you’re a mum who has just given birth.

Ideally wait until your six week check-up so your GP can give you the all clear for exercising. This is important if you’ve had a C-section, or have had any postnatal complications.

Dads can take their babies whenever they like – there’s no reason to wait. It can really help dads and their babies to bond, particularly if mum is breastfeeding.

Will Your Baby Like Yoga Class

This depends a lot on the personality of the baby. Some delight in the new sights and stimulation of the classroom environment and are perfectly content to look around and take it all in. Others are freaked out by the very same stimulations and may cry a lot at first. They may eventually get used to it, so don’t give up if the first class doesn’t go well. A few babies may snooze through the whole thing.

Is Baby Yoga Actually A Thing

Baby yoga is pretty much what it sounds like – yoga with our babies. It’s much gentler and slower compared to traditional yoga. A lot of the moves are adapted for, or to do with, babies.

You don’t need to know anything about yoga to take part in a baby yoga class – you just need a baby!

It can be a very relaxing experience for the two of you as doing gentle exercise, such as yoga, releases endorphins. These hormones encourage happiness and more love for your baby.

This can help with bonding, which is particularly great for dads. Attending a class can also help you to meet like-minded parents in your area – something which can be difficult when you’re a parent!

Try A Nearby Baby Yoga Class

Make sure to do baby yoga in a class with a trained and certified instructor rather than on your own. Keeping your baby safe and secure is a priority, and a proper baby yoga teacher will let you know about important body mechanics, such as keeping your baby’s head supported if they’re less than six months old.

Once you do find the right baby yoga class, you and your baby might enjoy it so much that you’ll be really excited for the next session! Baby yoga brings the benefits of yoga to both you and your baby, and you’ll feel the difference right after.

A Tutorial For Yoga Teachers

Have you ever had a student come to your class, having recently had a total hip replacement, and tell you her doctor gave her no restrictions in movement whatsoever, encouraging her to do whatever she likes? It can and does happen — and you’re right if you’re suspicious as to whether the doctor is giving correct advice.

But are you prepared to help such people participate in your class safely? I hope in this article to help you do exactly that.

Anatomy Of A Hip Replacement

First, I’d like to take you through some basic hip anatomy, and acquaint you with how the joint is actually replaced.

In recent years, there have been advances in the way total hip replacements are being done. A significantly different approach now coexists with the earlier approach, with the result that we yoga teachers need to know more about hip replacements than we used to need to know. In particular, we need to revise the precautions that we have been offering to yoga students who have undergone this orthopedic surgery.

The following illustration and explanation will help you understand what hip replacement is all about:

A total hip replacement is a cup-shaped indentation in the pelvis.

During hip replacement surgery, the head of the femur is removed and replaced with a metal ball set on a stem. The stem is inserted into the canal of the femur. It may be fixed in place with cement, or the stem may be designed for placement without bone cement. The socket is sanded down to healthy bone, and a plastic cup or socket is held in place with screws and/or bone cement.

Hatha Yoga Prepares The Body

Another aspect of hatha yoga, when one wants to move into deeper dimensions of meditation, is that it allows for a higher possibility of energy. If you want your energies to surge upwards, it is very important that the pipeline of the body is conducive. If it is blocked, it will not work, or else, something will burst. Preparing the body sufficiently before one goes into more intense forms of meditation is very important. Hatha yoga ensures that the body takes it gently and joyfully.

Today, the hatha yoga that people are learning is not in its classical form, not in its full depth and dimension. Largely the “studio yoga” that you are seeing today is unfortunately just the physical aspect of it. Just teaching the physical aspect of yoga is like having a stillborn baby. That is not only no good, it is a tragedy. If you want a live process, it needs to be taught in a certain way.

Hatha yoga does not mean twisting your body, standing on your head, or holding your breath. There was a time when I was personally teaching hatha yoga as a two-day program. People would burst with joy; tears of ecstasy would flow simply doing asanas. That is the way yoga needs to be done. Unfortunately, the hatha yoga in the world today brings peace for some, is healthful for others is and a painful circus for many.

More Energy While Parenting

Although it may not seem that way initially, additional exercise does actually provide the body with more energy. While getting your parenting on, get more energy to continue parenting later, because as we know, it is a 24-hour job by exploring poses and ways to alleviate stress through yoga.

The best part? You get to do it all with your little one. Mommy and me yoga helps mom prepare for the rest of her day and gives that added energetic boost she needs.

Yoga For Babies: Is It Safe

27 February 2012

They may not be able to walk or talk, but they have no problem arching their bodies into the downward dog pose. Yes, toddlers and babies are doing yoga — studios now offer classes for kids as young as 6 weeks old.

Yoga advocates say the classes can help parents and infants bond, and promote development of motor skills. And just as yoga helps adults become more aware of their bodies, yoga can help parents become attuned to their babies wants and needs, said Helen Garabedian, founder of the Itsy Bitsy Yoga, a yoga studio for babies and kids, and author of books by the same name.

Doctors say , like any movement, can be beneficial for babies, but parents need to take precautions to do it safely.

Yoga poses

Garabedian started her yoga practice for babies, toddlers and kids in 1999, as a way to share yoga with her own children and bring like-minded parents together. One pose called “baby planet” involves a parent lifting a baby’s arms to her side as the baby lies on her back, and then bringing her arms to her chest. A pose called corkscrew, which Garabedian says aids digestion, involves placing the baby on his back and slowly rotating his thighs with your forefingers.

Toddlers can try the “down dog” — in which the hands and feet remain on the floor while the hips are elevated. There is also the “up dog,” in which the child lies down on her belly, then lifts her head and chest by extending her arms out straight, and resting on her palms.

Yoga risks

Benefits Of Yoga For Babies

Helps develop motor and sensory skills. The simple stretches and poses can help your baby gain self and environmental awareness. Of course your baby doesn’t need to be running marathons right out of the womb — but experts believe that early activity can help your little one develop voluntary movements, which can build a strong foundation for sports, dance and exercise later on in adulthood.

Aids in digestion. Apanasana, or knees-to-chest pose, has been shown to alleviate constipation, gas pains and .  

Promotes better sleep. Although it’s not guaranteed, some parents report their babies sleep better after attending baby yoga classes.

The Science Of Hatha Yoga

Hatha yoga is not exercise. Understanding the mechanics of the body, creating a certain atmosphere, and then using body postures to drive your energy in specific directions is what hatha yoga or are about. “Asana” means a “posture.” That kind of posture which allows you to reach your higher nature is a yogasana. There are other dimensions to this, but to put it in the simplest way, just by observing the way someone is sitting, you can almost know what is happening with him, if you have known him long enough. If you have observed yourself, when you are angry, you sit one way; if you are happy, you sit another way; if you are depressed, you sit another way. For every different level of consciousness or mental and emotional situation that you go through, your body naturally tends to assume certain postures. The converse of this is the science of asanas. If you consciously get your body into different postures, you can elevate your consciousness.

There are thousands of people who have come out of spinal problems by doing simple asanas. Doctors had told them they would definitely have to go through a surgery, but they never had to. Your back can be restored to such an excellent condition that you will never need to go to a chiropractor. It is not only your spine that becomes flexible; you also become flexible. Once you are flexible, you are willing to listen, not just to someone’s talk; you are willing to listen to life. Learning to listen is the essence of a sensible life.

Details Of The Procedure

Want to get a look at how this procedure is done? Well, don’t get your own hip replaced unless you need to. Instead, go to the following website to try your hand at being a virtual surgeon by replacing a hip with the traditional “posterior” approach: www.edheads.org/activities/hip/

It is quite a fun and enlightening exercise. Don’t worry if you are squeamish; it is animated so there’s minimal blood and guts. The best thing is, nobody gets hurt even if you mess up!

In traditional hip replacement surgery, surgeons access the joint area through the upper thigh, either through the lateral , this is called posterior hip replacement.

Contrast that with a newer surgical approach: anterior hip replacement, which is gaining popularity because it spares the muscles and allows quicker recovery time. This procedure is performed with the patient lying on his or her back on a specially designed surgical table. This position lets the surgeon access the joint from the front of the hip area without surgically detaching any muscles. Instead, the hip joint is reached through naturally occurring openings between the muscles.

Photo of hana® Orthopedic Surgical Table is from mizuhosi.com/profx.cfm, used with permission from the manufacturer

As you can see from the above photo of positioning on the special table used for the anterior approach, the hip is placed in extension for the procedure.

[amorremanet]

In celebration of @blackpaladinweek — some Twinganes (i.e., Shiro and his twin brother Ryou) headcanons from the punk band/university/modern setting hot mess AU of But boys spring infernal (as of now: Mature, ~300k, 17 of 21 chapters; main ship is Keith/Shiro, with several past ships & side-ships; this AU’s previous Ryou + Twinganes post) (also dedicated to Saki @bishiro ​):

Q: Which one of the Shirogane twins loves Legally Blonde more? / A: Trick question, they love Legally Blonde more or less equally

That said, Ryou doesn’t love Mean Girls as much as Shiro does. Or very much at all, really

It’s not that Ryou minds the movie? But he’s tired of it, and too many Mean Girls references at once will make Ryou want to scream

Shiro may never let Ryou live down his t(w)eenage celebrity crush on Christina Aguilera, but to be fair, Ryou isn’t going to let Kashi live down his still very much alive celebrity crush on Sir Ian McKellan, either

Unlike Ryou, who took some time to arrive at his Bi Awakening, Shiro has known that he’s gay since they were about eight and he got a kiddie-crush on a boy in his class.

Their Mom heard about this when she asked if they had any special Valentines in mind in their class, and while Ryou just said the name of the first girl in class who he thought of as a friend but was mostly non-committal about it, Shiro was very into Cameron Levesque.

Mom and Dad Shirogane talked to Shiro about this first, basically explaining that they love him no matter what and there is nothing wrong with him being gay, but that he needs to be careful because there are, unfortunately, several people in the world who disagree and could try to hurt him

Ryou’s nine-year-old opinion on this was, “Well, if Kashi is gay, then duh, obviously there’s nothing wrong with anybody being gay. How could there be? My brother is the best and anyone who says otherwise is probably just jealous, I will fight them if they try to say that he’s wrong for wanting to kiss other boys”

Excluding snowball fights, Ryou has been in five physical fights in his entire life. Four somehow involved the desire to stand up for his brother. The fifth one, on the other hand, involved Ryou standing up to said brother, and it ended in him and Shiro hugging each other while crying.

From the age of eleven until they were almost 24, Ryou and Shiro had an ongoing debate about which fictional aliens would be the most fun to get abducted by. After Shiro’s time “living with” (read: being effectively held hostage by) Sendak and Haxus, though, that whole discussion stopped being one that he could find any humor in.

Like, if Earth made first contact with the Vulcans tomorrow and Shiro was offered passage back to their home-world, he’d have a hard time saying, “No”? But he’s really lost his taste for, “abducted by aliens” fantasies

One of the biggest disappointments of their childhood was that their Mom and Dad never let them get a cat, but in fairness? Tiny Ryou could be kind of a space cadet sometimes (in that he gets absorbed in things very easily and sometimes needs to be reminded that the rest of the world exists), while Tiny Kashi was either trying way too hard to be Perfect or a mischievous, rambunctious handful who fancied himself a prankster, with very little middle-ground between those two options

—so any cats they adopted likely would’ve been loved by the twins but cared for by their parents or grandparents, instead of functioning as a Lesson in Responsibility That Is Shaped Like A Pet for the twins

One of Ryou’s current disappointments is that he is a financially stable adult who could totally adopt a cat…… but he isn’t sure how Slav and a cat would get along with each other, and as troublesome as Slav can be, Ryou does love his friend/roommate, and he wants a cat? But not enough to risk a situation that could be Not Good for Slav

Ryou is responsible for turning Shiro on to Steven Universe, and Hunk is responsible for introducing the show to Ryou.

The character Ryou most identifies with is Connie (and Shiro can see it but would also peg Ryou as having a lot in common with Sadie).

The characters Shiro most identifies with are Pearl and Lapis Lazuli — and Ryou agrees kinda but he doesn’t like it, especially because:

1. he knows that the episode “Lost At Sea” is a big reason why Shiro loves Lapis as much as he does, and considering that episode really isn’t subtle in portraying Lapis’s fusion with Jasper as an abusive relationship, Ryou’s Protective Brother Instincts get pricked up hardcore;

and 2. Ryou can’t help but be suspicious and concerned about how Pearl and Lapis have character designs that emphasize thinness and physical delicacy, given that Shiro has an eating disorder and body image issues

(which okay, Shiro understands where Ryou’s coming from here, but this is sort of a sticking point because Shiro isn’t sure how he can put Ryou’s mind at ease without risk of accidentally sounding like he’s devaluing his problems

—also, he knows from experience that, apparently, “Duly noted, but I never wanted to be that kind of skinny and that isn’t the real problem with me anyway” is not the right answer)

Neither twin will argue that Hunk is the resident Steven Quartz Universe, like…… They don’t see a case to the contrary, really. And Hunk is totally cool with that.

When they were sixteen, Shiro passed his driver’s test on the first time out while Ryou failed it twice before finally getting it right. These days, though, Ryou is the twin who actually has a car and ever drives it. If you ask Shiro why he’s so averse to driving, he will tell you, “Trying to drive a car in Chicago after barely having my license for six months” and leave it at that.

Anyone who tries to tell you that either Shiro or Ryou is the, “calm, level-headed twin” while the other is the, “temperamental, reckless twin”? ……Yeah, either they’ve only just met the twins or they are lying to you.

Like, it’s fair(-ish) to join Shiro in saying that he is the, “genius twin” while Ryou is, “the twin with common sense” — in D&D stats terms: Shiro has more Intelligence than Wisdom, while Ryou is about even on both but isn’t as off-the-charts in Intelligence as Shiro is

—but… ahaha, no, both of them can be either the, “calm, level-headed twin” or the, “temperamental, reckless twin” at different points and in different ways. Both of them are easily outraged by abuses of power and/or on behalf of other people, but even that, they do differently.

A lot (though not all) of Shiro’s outrage could be summed up as, “People who have power don’t use it responsibly and it hurts the people who have less power, or who rely on them, or similar, and Shiro has no idea why he has to explain that you should care about other people, but he is angry and offended that some people think this is optional, what the Hell, how do you just not care about other people”

However: for all Shiro will (usually) let himself be openly angry about other people’s abuse, pain, suffering, etc., he usually tries to deny, repress, or ignore the anger he feels about things that hurt him. He’s getting better while working on all this with Ulaz, but he has a history of letting that anger build up until he snaps, or only come out in his music and/or when he’s angry on someone else’s behalf.

His typical interactions with Slav aren’t even an exception that prove the rule here. It’s an easy mistake to make, given how short Shiro’s temper is with Slav… but fact is, he simply hits his breaking point with Slav faster than he does with most people.

In the opinions of several people, Shiro’s pronounced bleeding-heart tendencies might very easily be the death of him someday if he doesn’t learn to get better at managing them. Like, most people agree that his compassion, his level of concern for other people, and his desire to help people are at least some degree of admirable — but Shiro has a problem of giving too much of himself to other people.

He also has a problem of getting angry about things that he can’t really do anything about (sometimes genuinely and sometimes because he doesn’t really want to deal with any of the things he can affect any meaningful change over because they’re messy and tangled and being Complicated at him, especially when they’re emotionally complicated)

On top of those problems, Shiro also has the problem where he has trouble with insisting on some of his boundaries and asking people to respect them — and he can sometimes be really, really bad at remembering where his boundaries are when he’s faced with people who need help, or issues that he cares about (though Shiro fixates more on the people affected by those issues than on the issues themselves), or the pain and suffering of other people in general

—Because Shiro wants to help. Shiro wants to make people’s lives better. Shiro is the sort of person who endures horrible pain and trauma and comes out the other end of it, wanting to be the sort of person who would’ve helped his past-self when he was in deep shit (and one of his biggest motivations as an artist/songwriter is wanting to make music that really reaches people and affects them somehow, even if it’s “just” reminding them that they aren’t alone). Which is all great?

……But when it comes to helping people, Shiro has all the chill of a broken freezer (which is to say, “none whatsoever”), and he often shoves his own problems down or to the side in the name of trying to help other people instead, despite how this has gotten him into trouble so many times before

The list of people who have expressed concern about these tendencies of Shiro at one point or another includes but is not limited to:

Ryou

Keith

Lance

Pidge

Hunk kinda sorta, he waffles about it

Matt

Ulaz sometimes

Iverson despite the fact that he also admires Shiro’s capacity for hope and compassion

Shiro’s old roommate Mark and their friend Trevor

Shiro’s old friend Laura (whom he fake-dated when they were in high school so her parents wouldn’t find out that she’s a lesbian)

Acxa (including one incident where she was like, “Look, Lotor is my best friend and has been since we were nine — but he’s a disaster, you two are not working out together, and I know that you want to help him…… but you are probably going to kill yourself if you keep trying so hard to help him”)

Ezor

Zethrid

Narti (through the conduit of Ezor because she didn’t feel like talking to Shiro for herself)

Shiro and Ryou’s Mom

Shiro and Ryou’s Dad

Grandfather Shirogane

Grandmother Shirogane

Sendak (but he meant this less out of real concern and more as a way of going, “Why don’t you give in and just come revel in being a monster with me”)

Slav (but he expressed the sentiment to Ryou because he felt like Shiro wasn’t listening to him, which was accurate)

Shiro’s A.A./N.A. sponsor Robin

David And Miranda From Group

and Lotor, even though he has directly benefited from Shiro’s bleeding-heart tendencies more than pretty much anyone else in Shiro’s life except for maybe Sendak

—Allura only hasn’t expressed concerns like this yet because she only just met Shiro recently

So……… yeah. This is a Thing. People become aware of it pretty quickly, when dealing with Shiro.

Ryou, on the other hand, has some trouble admitting that he’s angry on his own behalf but nowhere near as much as Shiro. In general, he’s far more likely than Shiro to acknowledge that he is angry and then either try to push it aside because “there is something more important to deal with right now,” or start giving people the cold shoulder

(—this happens even if he isn’t angry with them or anyone in particular: Ryou is very much a person who feels a need to tinker with or work on something when he gets angry. He also tends to want space from other people, and unless someone is comfortable enough with him to know better, his cranky tinkering tends to look like he’s shutting people out)

When Ryou gets outraged for other people, it tends to be in a way that’s focused on their boundaries or sense of agency, or things that were taken from them. While Shiro’s outrage tends to be more centered on the pain and suffering and wanting to find some way to alleviate it (usually by doing something and finding some kind of silver lining or a purpose to dedicate oneself to), Ryou’s outrage is about the specifics of what was done unto other people and how it tried to take away their sense of power in their own lives, and then what to do about moving forward (with an occasional side of vengeance and a serious vindictive streak once roused)

He’s also much more likely to get angry about people whom or issues that he cares about personally, rather than emotionally bleeding over everything he doesn’t really enjoy about the world — like, yes, he can get upset about injustices that he has no personal relation to or stake in, and it bothers him that many people in positions of power are manipulative assholes who care more about themselves and their own security than about the people beneath them on the different hierarchical ladders?

But unlike Shiro, Ryou looks at those things and goes, “I don’t like them, but there largely doesn’t seem to be anything I can do to directly change them, and as much as they upset me, I have other issues and troubles that I need to focus on because I actually can do something about them. I’m only human, I only have so much energy and so many resources, and I care about those things? But I have no idea how to affect any meaningful change, so I’m going to go put more energy into something that I can actually do anything about”

Basically, just…… Ryou and Shiro can both be temperamental and they can both be reckless. They can also both be totally calm and level-headed. It depends on the context, since they can get upset about different things, and

True, there are other factors in play as well, but Shiro’s mental health is the biggest reason why Ryou has a longer list of times when he’s gone, “Kashi, NO” than Shiro’s list of incidents requiring a, “Ryou, NO.”

Specifically, Ryou has had to go, “Kashi, NO” more often than Shiro’s done the opposite…… because Shiro has a history of disregarding his own well-being or outright not caring about it, whether this meant, “trying to climb a precarious-looking tree to save his friend Laura’s cat when they were all about ten” or, “mixing up a ‘cocktail’ that is equal parts tequila and cherry-flavored liquid Vicodin, then chugging six of them on an empty stomach”

(disclaimer: please, for the love of god, DO NOT DO THIS. it is a miracle that Shiro lived through doing that to himself, so please, please, please do not do this thing.)

Shiro doesn’t get what Ryou’s deal is about Sven. None of them gets why people think Sven looks so similar to the twins, but Shiro’s bigger sticking point is, “Seriously, why do you act like Sven is such a life-ruiner? He’s a decent guy, just kind of a goofball, and apparently he sounds like the Swedish Chef in bed? Which is a mental image you can thank Lance for, but??? Come on, are you really that jealous of Slav having another friend”

(to answer Shiro’s question: ……well, yes, Ryou is jealous? But it’s more that he thinks that Slav may have oversold this friendship and that Sven thinks of him as a work friend only and doesn’t really care about his problems… but in fairness, Ryou gets to that conclusion by conveniently ignoring certain pieces of evidence about Sven and Slav’s relationship that he doesn’t want to acknowledge because he is jealous of Sven, so……… yup.)

At this point, whenever the twins show off any old childhood photos, they make the jokes comparing themselves to the Sprouse miscreants before anyone else can. They’ve heard it so many times, and it’s always some kind of variant on the same thing — “Wow, you guys looked practically the same until you were about twelve, then Ryou started getting fat and Shiro didn’t” — and they’re fricking tired of it

While the brothers enjoy both Star Trek and Star Wars, there are some party lines here. Ryou infinitely prefers Star Wars (and he will fight people over both the validity of the prequels and whether or not the different Expanded Universe stories are still canon in light of the new trilogy)

Shiro meanwhile thinks that Star Trek is the superior sci-fi franchise (and he will fight people who think he should’ve dressed up as Kirk or Picard or anyone but Uhura for his past Trek-themed Halloween costumes. Because…… what. He wanted to wear TOS!Uhura’s red mini-dress and Mirrorverse!Uhura’s outfit, so he did, what is your point)

That said, there are some photos of the Mirror!Uhura outfit that Shiro would rather not be reminded of. They’re old selfies from around Halloween 2012, he was dangerously unhealthy, and and he sent them to Ryou and Laura for opinions without even thinking about the possibility that their reactions might focus less on how he looked in the costume and more on the fact that: 1. Shiro had amended the costume in certain suspicious ways; and 2. he looked like he was going to pass out at any minute

“Certain suspicious ways” here means: Shiro tried to cite the fact that it was a chilly October as a reason for putting a long-sleeved black t-shirt under the red-and-gold-trimmed bra part…… except Ryou and Laura both called bullshit, because Shiro had worn the proper costume in colder weather before without caring, and they had reason to suspect that he was trying to hide something

Ryou zeroed in on the possibility that Shiro might’ve been trying to hide injuries from Sendak. Laura focused, instead, on the fact that Shiro looked particularly thin and thought that he might’ve been trying to throw people off from noticing this. Both of them were right.

Two weeks after those selfies, Shiro had a fainting spell at work — which would eventually become a huge sticking point for Keith, because he thought said fainting spell made Shiro take his well-being more seriously and made him give more of a fuck about how much his self-abuse and relationship with Sendak were wrecking him…… but Keith was other than right.

I mean, the fainting spell scared Shiro, and it briefly made him take things more seriously…… but that didn’t last

Aside from Ryou and Laura, the only people who’ve seen those selfies are: Sendak (poking through Shiro’s phone without his consent); Ulaz (specifically asked to see them for therapeutic reasons); Lotor (didn’t believe that Shiro had ever worn said outfit for any reason and unfortunately, Shiro realized too late that the first pics he’d found were those ones); and Lance (walked in on Shiro low-key moping and obsessing over those selfies after he’d shown them to Lotor and endured the ensuing awkward conversation*)

*: said conversation was largely awkward because Lotor was concerned and did want to help, but unfortunately, he has very little idea what to do with genuine emotions, which out of a lot of things in his life

—but the biggest cause is the fact that Lotor was raised by a frigid, cruel, emotionally abusive, high-functioning alcoholic chemistry professor and her ill-tempered, bigoted enabler, who is every bit as emotionally abusive as his wife (who is the only person in the universe who he loves, including their son), constantly acts like a character from a Greek tragedy, and high-key hates the fact that certain major social and political events of the twentieth century stripped his family of their ruling position in the territory formerly known as Daibazaal, which means he will never be the King or Emperor of anything

Shiro feels like he would also show the pictures to Keith, Hunk, Pidge, Matt, and maybe Allura, but only if he knew that they were in emotionally okay enough places and if he felt stable enough to deal with how they might react

If Ryou ever challenges you to a snowball fight, you probably shouldn’t accept. He plays to win and he plays dirty. Shiro pretty much only goes along with this because he doesn’t mind when Ryou plays dirty; he thinks it’s adorable and endearing.

“For the love of God, Kashi, just tell him that you like being the little spoon and let him cuddle you. It’s literally that simple. You will feel so much better if you let yourself have this bit of comfort already” — Ancient Ryou Shirogane Proverb.

A lot of Shiro’s inability to keep his cool around Slav has to do with the fact that Shiro is a very compassionate person and tries so hard to understand Slav’s perspective, only for Slav to (generally) refuse any and all attempts at compromise.

A lot it has to do with how Slav has a tendency to treat Shiro’s known stressors and triggers as buttons he can push just to see what happens.

(The usual answer to this is some variation on, “Shiro realizes what Slav is doing, grumpily calls him out on it, and then gets upset because Ryou has asked Slav not to do shit like this and Shiro has opened up to Slav in ways that made him feel deeply uncomfortable, all in the hopes that helping Slav to understand some of Shiro’s problems and struggles might get him to stop pulling stunts like this

“—and yet, Slav continues to do these things and ignore simple requests like, ‘Can you please not kick Shiro in his eating disorder just to see what happens and/or make some kind of point to him, no matter how important you think that point might be”)

And still more of Shiro’s dislike of Slav has to do with how Slav reminds Shiro of himself in ways that Shiro does not particularly enjoy (especially because both of them have some pretty huge and difficult to manage issues with control).

All up, it’s probably a miracle (or possibly a testament to how much he loves Ryou) that Shiro hasn’t given in to his petty impulse to call Slav by his full, given name because well hey, Slav insistently calls Shiro, “Takashi” when he wasn’t given permission to do so (and the only reason he doesn’t use any of the overly familiar abbreviations like, “Taka” or, “Kashi” is that he thinks they sound silly)

—so, if he’s going to do that, then in Shiro’s humble (albeit very biased) opinion, it’s only fair that he gets to call Ryou’s best friend, “Miroslav” even though he knows damn well that Slav hates being addressed by that name and only hasn’t done away with it legally because the paperwork sounds very tedious and Slav doesn’t feel like it

Ryou desperately wishes that his brother and his best friend could get along, but he also understands why they don’t and since Shiro has made an effort while Slav doesn’t get how nothing he’s done constitutes, “making an effort,” well…… Ryou’s solution is to just do what he can to minimize the amount of time Slav and Shiro have to spend around each other

This is going to make Christmas 2017 mildly complicated because Ryou is bringing Slav with him to the Shirogane family Christmas out in California (because he visited Slav’s family last year, and…… uh, no, Ryou is not sending his best friend back to deal with that, especially not alone, and Slav can’t go to Norway with Sven due to a recent failure to renew his damn passport)

But, uh…… at least Slav will have more targets than Shiro?

Also, he will be more tolerable after dropping acid, but that just raises the question of why he thought it was a good idea to bring LSD to Christmas (and Slav’s answer is pretty much, “……Well, I wanted to do it, so I did”)

Another thing that Shiro will not let Ryou live down, ever: the time when they were kids and went to Disneyland with their parents and cousins, and Ryou asked where Anastasia was and come on why had he seen every princess but her.

Shiro is still kind of Not Over the fact that Ryou is a Pottermore-Sorted Slytherin, because Shiro was totally expecting both of them to end up put into Ravenclaw (in fairness, it was close for Ryou. Not so much for Shiro, but Ryou was a Ravenclaw/Slytherin hat-stall).

On the other hand, Ryou is still kind of Not Over the fact that, when he made Kashi get a Pottermore account, Shiro didn’t see his own Sorting into Hufflepuff coming from a mile off (—and okay, Ryou will totally admit that he likes Harry Potter more than Shiro does, but still, Kashi. Come on. How did you think you would ever be Sorted into Ravenclaw).

As much as Ryou means that question rhetorically, he does suspect that there is an actual answer to it and frankly, he doesn’t like it Mostly because he suspects that the answer involves Shiro defining himself as a list of academic and/or creative accomplishments instead of working harder on applying that pesky little, “You need to have a more holistic view of yourself and appreciate who you are as a complete person instead of zeroing in on tiny pieces of yourself as if they alone define you” idea to himself

In fairness to Shiro here: most people do not think, “Slytherin” when they think of Ryou. He’s most often misidentified as a Ravenclaw (whether they get thrown off by the fact that Ryou is an obvious nerd who has a Physics PhD, went to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology for his undergrad, and always did well in school, or by the fact that Ryou genuinely loves learning), or maybe as a Hufflepuff like his brother (Lance is one of the people who thought so).

The list of people who have correctly guessed that Ryou is a Slytherin is: Hunk (but he’d been thinking Hufflepuff until Ryou heard about a then-recent disagreement Hunk had had with Shiro and went, “Ugh, don’t listen to Kashi, go get Pidge and slash the tires on Lotor’s Maserati, I’ll keep my stupid genius brother distracted and you can go give his pet asshole exactly what’s coming to him”)

Ezor (Ryou’s ex-girlfriend, herself a Slytherin, who most loved the moments when Ryou joined her in being all kinds of petty, judgmental, vindictive, spiteful, grudge-holding, snarky at the expense of people they disliked, and openly frustrated with the things that exasperate them — but who was also like, “But why are you objecting to some of my behaviors so? I don’t think it’s mean to tell this other local band that I think their music sounds like a funeral dirge sung by a chorus of sick cats aspirating on their own vomit. Their music does sound like that. If anything, those pathetic idiot hipsters should be thanking me for messing with their equipment before their set. I made them sound better”)

Slav (who actually doesn’t really care about Harry Potter and only picked Slytherin for Ryou because he knows that Ryou’s favorite color is green)

and Pidge (literally the only member of Galaxy Garrison who guessed Slytherin within a few minutes of meeting Ryou)

Neither of the twins cusses that much, largely as a result of their parents and grandparents raising them not to. Shiro does so more than Ryou, but it’s still not a very common occurrence and more often than not, Shiro is either quoting someone else or using some variant of, “fuck” as a way to differentiate between different approaches to sexual intercourse

That said: Ryou is more comfortable talking about sex than Shiro. To be fair, Shiro can discuss sex perfectly fine when he has some kind of emotional distance with it (like when it was casual sex that didn’t mean that much to him or when he’s giving Lotor recommendations on which weird niche-interest erotica to get Zethrid for her birthday)…… but he gets flustered very easily as soon as he’s emotionally invested in the sex

Ryou, on the other hand? Just doesn’t?? see??? the point???? of that kind of attitude????? Like, if you ask him, sex is best when people are on the same page, and it’s easier to get there if you don’t waste any time on shame and tell people what you like, what you don’t, what you want, and so on

Shiro would like to point out that it’s not an issue of shame, to him?? It’s an issue of, “Feelings are complicated and difficult and often messy, and when sex with someone is important to Shiro or happening in the context of a relationship that is important to Shiro, he puts a lot of pressure on himself not to screw it up”

Sexual shame largely enters the picture whenever Shiro talks about Sendak, but those discussions are messy for reasons that include but also go beyond the sex, and Shiro’s sense of shame there doesn’t really from the sex itself or from the role that BDSM played in his and Sendak’s relationship. It comes more from things like, “Sendak was abusive, and Shiro knows this, but part of him still loves Sendak and he hates this and he feels like he never should’ve loved Sendak to begin with, so yeah, the fact that part of him still loves his abuser is something Shiro is very deeply ashamed of”

This is another of the points where Ryou and Ezor worked really well together, to the surprise of… pretty much everyone but Shiro, Acxa, Zethrid, and Narti. Because neither of them has that much of a sense of shame about sex, both of them were comfortable just telling each other what they wanted or didn’t, and neither of them got embarrassed over things like accidentally knocking something over or awkward about laughing at each other during sex

Lotor was left off of that list for a reason. He really didn’t get what Ezor saw in Ryou at all, much in the same way that Ryou didn’t see what Shiro saw in Lotor. For the most part, Ezor was fine with letting Lotor fail to get it and then periodically vent his feelings about things by being some degree of petty and obnoxious about Ryou

—until the time when Lotor was coming off an argument with his Mother and went, “Honestly, I know that incompatible orientations are an issue for you and Shiro, but how can you even stand dating the objectively less attractive twin? Never mind the boring twin since that is a subjective matter, but why would you settle for the twin who is clearly nowhere near as good-looking as his brother? I don’t get it, does he give you the best cunnilingus that you’ve ever had in your life???”

Yeeeeah, that incident ended with Lotor being held in a very painful headlock until he apologized and promised to back the Hell off and just let Ezor be happy

He was very displeased that Shiro and Zethrid ignored his cries for help, but Shiro was just like, “I’ve told you that I’m done bailing you out when you insult my brother and Ezor has asked you to stop. You earned this”

while Zethrid’s opinion was, “*shrug* She told you to stop. You didn’t. You dug your way in so you can dig your own way out. Plus, watching you struggle was funny :)”

The last conversation that Shiro had with his Grandfather Namesake was before he left for school on the day Grandfather Shirogane died of an unexpected stroke. Grandfather Shirogane’s central point boiled down to, “I know that I have not always made it as clear as I should have, but I do love you, I am proud of you, and it kills me to see you pretending to be someone you are not so that you will earn the approval of your ignorant so-called friends. Your brother, his girlfriend, Laura, and Keith are the only peers of yours I have seen treat you as friends are meant to treat each other. Always remember who you are, and remember who truly matters in your life.”

The last conversation that Ryou had with Grandfather Shirogane was shortly after Shiro’s. Their Grandfather stopped Ryou on his way out the door and the gist of what he had to say was, “Yes, the older brother is usually supposed to look out for the younger one, but… Keep looking out for Kashi. If that boy doesn’t slow down and take stock of his priorities, he is going to destroy himself over the opinions of people who do not matter.”

Neither of the twins particularly enjoys reminiscing about their last conversations with their Grandfather. They have some mixed-but-loving-even-though-they-also-criticize-him feelings about the man in general, but those last chats with Grandfather Shirogane have stuck with them.

It’s been almost 12 years since he passed, and his grandsons still periodically think about those conversations, sometimes rather off-handedly and sometimes in ways that are fairly emotionally intense because maybe they’ve grieved for Grandfather Shirogane more or less healthily, but they haven’t completely made their respective peaces with those last Talks, especially because their Grandfather Shirogane’s points have become recurring themes in their lives

Another thing that Ryou is never going to let Shiro live down: when they were kids and their Dad first introduced them to Star Wars on VHS? ……Yeah, Shiro thought that Han/Leia was just a middle-of-the-story distraction romance before Leia eventually got with Luke, then got his little five-year-old mind completely blown when they got to Return of the Jedi and George Lucas dropped the, “FYI, they are twins” reveal on everybody. Shiro refused to acknowledge ROTJ for three years because he didn’t want Luke and Leia to be twins, he wanted them to get married

Ryou has (half-jokingly) threatened to include this story in his best man speech whenever Shiro finally finds his Prince Charming and gets hitched

About four weeks before Shiro finally got away from Sendak (August 2013), Shiro attempted suicide by taking too much Vicodin with tequila. He survived because Sendak happened to come home early and Haxus, being a doctor, had taught him how to administer naloxone in the event of Sendak’s sweet boy ever overdosing (since Shiro’s drugs of choice were alcohol and opiates, and naloxone would counteract the opiates at least).

Before Shiro swallowed the pills, he called Ryou, hoping that Ryou would have something to say and could talk him out of it. When Ryou missed the call, Shiro took it as a sign and left Ryou what was essentially a suicide note in the form of a voicemail.

Before that incident, Ryou was already worried, but that message scared him more than anything else he’d ever encountered. The next little while of calling and texting Shiro without a reply — the only other time in Ryou’s life that comes close to being a horrible as that was hearing that his parents were dead. He held it together remarkably well while waiting to hear from his Kashi, then cried in relief when Shiro called him back again

—and then the relief turned into more fear and frustration and pain because Sendak was breathing down the back of Shiro’s neck while he called Ryou, and between how Shiro forced himself to keep his voice controlled (and still sounded like he was about to shatter into a million pieces) and the way that Shiro was talking about what happened, Ryou could tell, but it felt like there was nothing he could do to help his brother, the person who Ryou loves most in this world

Ryou hasn’t told Shiro so, but he still has the voicemail. He has saved it despite upgrading his phone a few times since then; any time he gets a new phone, he makes sure to never lose that one. There’s a lot of other stuff on his phone that he doesn’t want to lose, but Ryou’s biggest priority is saving that voicemail

If anyone asked him why, he wouldn’t even be able to tell them. He just feels like that voicemail might be important for reasons other than, “reminding him to keep looking out for his brother.” Ryou isn’t sure when or how or why it’s going to prove to be important, but he is completely certain that someday, he is going to need to have that voicemail

Even though Shiro is in a much better place now than he has been and even though most of the unknown numbers that call Ryou end up being spam, Ryou still freezes a bit whenever he sees one come up on his phone because he’s terrified that someone’s calling him to tell him that something terrible happened to his Kashi

Iverson is a member of the physics faculty at Kaltenecker University, and he so did not intend to become a father figure to a set of loser nerd twins…… and yet, here he is, usually seeing Shiro at least once a week (at their Tuesday night A.A. meetings) and seeing Ryou pretty regularly, despite the fact that Ryou finished and defended his dissertation already, isn’t Iverson’s student anymore, and isn’t working on any projects that fall into Iverson’s area of expertise.

Ryou isn’t yet used to the fact that he has Iverson’s permission to call him, “Mitch” now, despite how he’s had said permission for a little over a year. It still makes him get a bit giddy and giggly, like a twelve-year-old looking up cuss words in the dictionary, because alsjskshsk, this feels so special and borderline taboo.

Shiro, on the other hand, constantly forgets that most of the other characters who know Iverson do not call him, “Mitch” because they don’t use surnames at A.A., so Shiro has literally never called Iverson anything but, “Mitch.” Shiro didn’t even think that his Mitch could be the same guy as Ryou’s, “Dr. Iverson” until Ryou wanted to introduce them and the twins went, “Wait, you already know the cool older guy I respect and admire?”

Iverson, for his part, just kind of sighed and facepalmed and has himself some coffee while the twins got their head around this, because he figured out that the new “Shiro” guy at meetings was the same as Ryou’s troubled but beloved brother Takashi…… the very first time that Shiro came to one of the Tuesday night meetings at the LGBTQ community center.

Shiro and Ryou agree that there is something about Iverson that reminds them of their Grandfather Shirogane (the one after whom Shiro was personal-named), but they have different opinions on what, exactly, that something is.

Ryou, personally, thinks it’s the way that Iverson is blunt and to-the-point but it generally comes from a well-meaning place (if not always a place of concern).

Shiro, on the other hand, can never quite pin down what his answer is because it ends up changing pretty regularly, but either way, he thinks it’s more important for him to remember that Mitch is his own person, not Grandfather Shirogane 2.0

Generally speaking, Ryou feels like he has a pretty good sense of humor, and he isn’t wrong. But he gets pretty sensitive to the “jokes” that his Kashi sometimes makes about death and dying, or that even remotely sound like Shiro devaluing himself, or that feel “too morbid.” Considering Shiro’s struggles with mental health, Ryou is far from the only person who takes some degree of issue with these “jokes,” but he’s one of the people who’s had the most success in going, “This makes me uncomfortable, I know that it’s one of your coping mechanisms, but it’s frankly a pretty concerning one, whether you mean for it to be or not”

At this point, Ryou is the only one of the Shiro-Ryou-Sven triad who Lance has never done anything physical with. Lance has platonically made out with Shiro and has had sex with Sven, and although realizing how in love with Hunk he is has largely helped Lance on from his desire to do something with all three of them, “For Science,” Lance is still kind of annoyed that Ryou never made out with him, “for science.”

Which is totally fine with Ryou, Lance. You can be as annoyed as you damn well please, because Ryou is annoyed that you ignored him telling you, “No” and kept asking until Shiro told you to back off and let it go.

The fight where Shiro and Ryou actually got physical with each other happened in early October 2015. Shiro had stayed clean for six months that time, and getting there had been an Ordeal for him — and then Lotor’s parents wanted to meet their son’s boyfriend. It had taken enough time to get Lotor to listen and accept that, “I am an addict and an alcoholic, for the love of god, my sobriety is important to me”

—and then Zarkon and Honerva offered Shiro a crash course on where Lotor had learned most of his incorrect attitudes about substance about and addiction. They did not listen when Lotor tried to go, “Please stop offering my boyfriend nunvil, I know that it is a cultural thing with Mother’s side of the family but he is an alcoholic” or when Shiro said similarly. Zarkon intimidated and terrified Shiro until he accepted two glasses of the stuff, and Shiro thought that he could have that one forced slip and then keep things under control afterward

Except that things did not shake out that way. He held it together for about a day-and-a-half before he got overtaken by the feelings like, “What does it even matter, I already slipped up, everything’s easier and it hurts so much less when I’m drunk anyway, who even cares” and so on. He ran down his phone’s battery on purpose, playing Candy Crush while out at a bar — which is where Lotor found him

Despite the mutual distaste between Lotor and most of the other people in Shiro’s life, they collaborated on trying to find him. Lotor, Lance, Acxa, Zethrid, and Matt went out searching, Hunk, Ezor, and Ryou were waiting at the Shiro-Hunk-Lance apartment, Narti was waiting at the Lotor + Gal Pals’ house in case Shiro went there, and Pidge was checking her phone for updates all through that week’s meeting of the Neurodiverse Student Union

So, when Lotor got Shiro back to his, Hunk, and Lance’s place, he, Hunk, and Ezor got asked to please clear out so Ryou could Have A Talk with his brother (—which they mostly did, but “mostly” means that they awkwardly waited in the hallway outside of the apartment, in case the “Talk” started sounding like it might need intervention)

Yes, Shiro was drunk, but he wasn’t completely off his own head just yet, and he assumed that this Talk was going to be Ryou being Disappointed in him for slipping up, which made him preemptively frustrated, and he started projecting his own feelings onto Ryou as if they were actually what Ryou was feeling and what he wanted to discuss

—but Shiro was so completely off-base that he might as well have been playing a different game entirely

See, Ryou didn’t like that Shiro had slipped up, but what he really wanted to call his brother out about that night was, “Where the Hell do you get off letting your phone die like that? You always have a charger in your bag. You have one of those spare battery jackets for it. Your phone’s battery doesn’t die like that unless you let it get that low on purpose, so what in the Hell were you thinking, Kashi”

—which Shiro really didn’t want to talk about, so he threw out a mostly bullshit answer about how he genuinely just didn’t notice now excuse him, he’s going to go shower until he quits feeling like such a failure or drowns himself, whichever happens first

Ryou only meant to hold onto him to keep Shiro from going… but he yanked too hard and Shiro took it the wrong way… Being drunk is the biggest reason why he shoved at Ryou but didn’t actually hit back… The physical part didn’t really last that long, given that Shiro was drunk and Ryou was trying to restrain him rather than hurt him

—but both of them wound up on the floor and managed to land a few hits on each other before Ryou successfully pinned Shiro’s wrists and shouted at him that they were talking about this NOW, Kashi, so tell Ryou what the Hell you were even thinking

Voice cracking and eyes tearing up, Shiro snapped back, “What does it matter, what d’you even care, you have a class to teach in the morning, go do that—”

“No! I am doing this, you’re more important than Iverson’s bunch of undergrads—”

“No, I’m not! That’s your life, Ryou, quit throwing it out and over nothing—”

“Says you! How can you of all people right now tell me anything about throwing your own life out!”

“Yours is worth something—”

“So is YOURS!”

“Stop lying!”

“Why would I lie about that, Kashi!”

“You’d be better off without me, Ryou, we both know it! Your life’d be perfect if you didn’t have to take care of your hopeless, fuck-up big brother—”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, you idiot! My life would be miserable without you! I have no idea what I’d do without my brother, no matter what you’re dealing with—”

“……Let me go, Ryou.”

“No! I’m not letting you up until you understand that I love you and I care what happens to you! Even if you don’t give half-a-damn what happens to you, I do! You’re my brother, Kashi. My only brother. I will pin you to this floor until the others pull us apart, I will fight them off to pin you down again, I will keep us here until you get it through your stupid, genius head that I. am not. letting you. fall. the Hell. apart!”

“But why, why keep putting yourself through this when you could have it so much better, and don’t say we don’t both know that—”

“None of that so-called better can replace you, Kashi! Do you get me yet!”

—which was where things very quickly devolved into crying (which turned into ugly crying almost as soon as it started) and incredibly clingy hugging, and Shiro lost most of his capacity to do anything with words for a while. Once he got it back, it was mostly in the form of choking out apologies while sobbing on Ryou’s shoulder

—after Shiro accepted some water and went to take a shower, Ryou called Iverson (for both of them, since Ryou’s idea was to call in sick for the next day and although Iverson isn’t actually Shiro’s sponsor, he is one of the strongest relationships that Shiro has forged with anybody else at meetings).

Once Shiro got out of the shower, he flopped on the kitchen table and talked to Iverson about what had happened while Ryou put the kettle on. Then, Ryou slept over (and swallowed his Sven-related pride to ask him to please go make sure Slav was okay and not trying to burn anything down)

—and that’s the story of the one real physical fight that Shiro and Ryou ever had

One of the many ways that Shiro might have reconnected with Keith a lot sooner than they do in the fic itself: If Ryou had been the TA for Keith’s section of Iverson’s intro physics lecture, then he would’ve recognized Keith and gone, “Kashi, what is your Keith’s last name” (which Ryou has never remembered without prodding; sorry, Keith), and then debated how much he wanted to tell Shiro that his One Who Got Away is the freshman who’s being an unholy terror for Ryou and Iverson both.

Additionally, Keith would have recognized Ryou’s name — because he only knows one Ryou Shirogane, and he’s pretty sure that it’s not the most common name to find in Massachusetts — and tried to corner him after class to go, “What happened to your brother, is he okay, what’s going on, where is he”

Instead, Iverson didn’t have Ryou manning any classes during Keith’s freshman year, so Ryou only heard horror stories from his fellow TAs, about the nightmarish prodigy who doesn’t actually give a fuck about physics (despite being in the intro lecture for STEM majors, not the intro lecture for humanities and social sciences majors) and has apparently developed a personal vendetta against Dr. Iverson

That worked out okay at the time, because it meant Ryou didn’t have to miss a week-and-a-half of teaching at the start of a new semester while he went out to Minnesota to meet Shiro and his old roommate from Chicago, helped talk Shiro into going to an inpatient rehab clinic for a while, and then went with him for the admission because he (correctly) suspected that Shiro might be something of a little shit while checking in

(—and because Shiro wasn’t saying, “Having you there with me would make that process easier,” but mostly because he already felt like a burden. He was definitely feeling that loudly, and getting him to admit that he needed help was enough of a big deal that Ryou was fine with not pushing his brother on the, “Admit to your feelings and admit that you want me to be there with you” point)

……But at the same time, it’s probably better that Shiro and Keith haven’t made this connection yet? Because they already know of enough points where they missed each other instead of reconnecting again, and obsessing over that is really, really not good for either of them

Also, as far as Sendak is concerned, Ryou was teaching freshmen at that time, rather than periodically offering advice when some of them asked for it but mostly handling things like photocopies, mail, proofreading proposals and drafts (which Ryou took to mean, “also please offer constructive criticism,” which Iverson hadn’t meant but was willing to put up with, since Ryou usually asked questions and made points that were actually helpful), and talking to people who Iverson didn’t want to deal with himself

Not that this necessarily matters, because at present, Sendak is out of the picture. But Shiro and Ryou collaborated on a bit of truth-stretching in the bit of time leading up to Shiro getting out of Sendak and Haxus’s place, and according to the not-quite-lies they spun, Ryou was teaching freshmen

Said truth-stretching was necessitated (if you asked the twins) by the fact that Sendak would read Shiro’s texts and emails over breakfast most mornings, and listen to new voicemails if he had any.

The twins figured that if they switched to only talking over calls (and only when Shiro wasn’t in the house, because he was terrified of Sendak potentially putting bugs or monitors around the house), then there were two likeliest outcomes: 1. Sendak looks at the call-log and wonders why Shiro is talking to Ryou only during certain times, and possibly concludes that Shiro is Up To Something;

or 2. Sendak doesn’t look at Shiro’s call-log and it seems like the twins have stopped talking altogether — which would’ve definitely seemed like a sign that something was up, whether he took it to mean that the brothers had had a falling-out or a fight (which Sendak would’ve had mixed feelings about), or that Shiro is very possibly Up To Something and he might well have gotten his brother in on it (which could’ve meant that Ryou had ideas about Sendak and Haxus that could’ve gotten the two of them into the trouble they deserved to be in)

—either way, it would’ve been suspicious for Shiro and Ryou to seemingly stop texting each other. But they also couldn’t text about anything that might’ve tipped Sendak off to the fact that they were definitely Up To Something (namely, planning the eventual escape with their Aunt Satomi and Mark, Shiro’s old roommate)

……so, one of the things that they fake-texted about was the freshmen that Ryou was allegedly teaching

Still another thing that Shiro isn’t going to let Ryou live down: when they were nine, he spent six weeks convinced that John Mellencamp and John Cougar Mellencamp were completely different people

Another HP thing that Ryou has made Shiro consider: the shape that a Boggart would take when facing him. Both of them go back and forth a bit on their answers, but there are some recurring themes.

Shiro’s different hypothetical boggarts generally involve any of the people he love (especially Ryou, their Mom, and Keith) denouncing him as a broken, irreparable monster, someone who’s even worse than Sendak because he tricks people into thinking that he’s a good person when he isn’t, utterly incapable of doing anything good for anybody else ever in his life, and undeserving of love or community or companionship — and well, everyone would be so much better off without you, Shiro

Ryou’s hypothetical boggarts, on the other hand, tend to be more based on things that he’s actually seen or heard: Shiro, looking the way he did right before he checked into rehab, all sick and painfully thinned out and physically wrecked; Shiro, looking how he did the night that they had their full-on fight; Shiro, drunk and soaked through and ugly-crying, like the night when he first slipped off the wagon after rehab; Shiro, looking like he does now but then he opens his mouth to speak and Ryou has to hear the suicide note voicemail that Shiro left him all over again — and then, because this isn’t enough, there’s at least a tacit accusation that this happened to Shiro because Ryou somehow failed him

Yet another thing that Ryou isn’t going to let Shiro live down literally ever: after they first saw the Peter Jackson movie adaptation of The Two Towers when they were twelve-going-on-thirteen, Shiro’s teenage crush on Elijah Wood really kicked into high-gear, and he spent six weeks making a collage out of all the ElWood pictures Laura would let him have from the teenage girl-aimed magazines she was done reading

[newstvstation]

Staff Perspective: Sober Curiosity

Originally posted on Futures Recovery Healthcare

Futures’ Outreach and Community Liaison, Laura Kunz, describes sober curiosity and its benefits. Kunz suggests that one of the most positive aspects of the sober curious movement is that it encourages people to mindfully consider how alcohol affects their health, mood, and relationships. Mindfulness plays a significant part in lasting recovery. As behavioral healthcare practitioners, the Futures Recovery Healthcare team commends those who choose to pursue abstinence and make thoughtful choices about using substances.

SOBER CURIOSITY, MOCKTAILS, AND MINDFULNESS – IS SOBRIETY TRENDING?

Written By: Laura Kunz

I made the decision to live sober in 2008. With the help of a community support group and a series of great outpatient therapists, I began changing myself and my lifestyle. I remember my last drink. I was at a PF Changs in Cincinnati a few days before Thanksgiving having dinner with my best friend since the third grade. We both ordered a glass of wine. After about halfway through the glass I started to feel what had once been the warm and fuzzy feeling of the beginning of a buzz. After years of highschool, college, and early 20-something alcohol misuse, that feeling was no longer a comfort. It was more like the doors of a jail cell being slammed shut and locked for an indefinite period of time. I pushed the half-full glass of wine away. I was done with alcohol.

I cannot say learning to live alcohol-free was easy. There were many times when I wanted to use alcohol to numb, celebrate, participate, or distract. At around three months sober, I was having a career and family-of-origin induced mini-meltdown at a gas station in Fort Lauderdale, where I was living at the time. As I pumped gas into my car, I remember thinking “I’ll just walk inside, buy a bottle of wine and a 12-pack of beer, go home and drink.” I immediately called a sober support and shared my plan. I screamed, “I just want to drink!” She calmly said “okay, then drink.” It was in that moment that I realized how committed I was to living this new way. Despite the way that I felt, alcohol would not improve my mood or circumstances. If I chose to walk through it all sober and feel and process my feelings, I had a chance to positively influence the outcome.

Ironically, when I pulled away from the gas station that night, I’d accidentally left the pump in my gas tank. As the gas sprayed everywhere and the attendant ran out to collect a hefty check, I laughed hysterically. I was living fully present in a moment of total chaos and surrender and I felt truly alive and grateful.

Fast forward eleven years. Mindfulness and living in the moment are household phrases and gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, and now even alcohol-free are on-trend. If you’d told me back in 2008 that sober curious and abstinence would ever be a “thing,” I truly wouldn’t have believed you.

I believe sober curiosity, also known as mindful drinking, is an incredibly important and enlightened movement. It encourages awareness of the reasons why we drink as a society. “Am I trying to change a feeling or circumstance?” “Do I not want to feel or deal?” “Am I bored?” “Do I not think I can connect and build relationships without alcohol?” “Do I need to make changes in my life but don’t know how so I numb the feelings of doubt and fear?”

It also encourages awareness of the effect’s alcohol can have on the body and the mind. “I need to keep my gut and body healthy to achieve my fitness goals.” “When I drink, I focus less and I am less productive.” “I sleep better when I don’t drink” “I connect with the world and with people in a deeper way when I am sober.”

Sober curiosity increases self-awareness, self-control, and may help prevent the development of substance use disorders, which are rapidly on the rise in this country year after year.

Speaking of substance use disorders: Do I think sober curiosity or mindful drinking is enough for someone who is battling an active addiction? No, I believe abstinence is the best solution once a substance use disorder and problem drinking pattern has been developed. Due to the way addiction acts in the brain, the only way to change addictive patterns and behaviors is proper treatment, abstinence, and a consistent program of recovery.

Yet, the sober curious trend is certainly helping progress the recovery movement as a whole, which greatly benefits individuals who live abstinent or who will eventually live abstinent. It normalizes living alcohol-free and promotes conversation about health and wellness-centered lifestyles. Additionally, it has prompted many sober celebrities to speak out publicly about the benefits of recovery and popular national brands to launch products promoting sober curious and abstinent living. For example, Coca Cola’s new brand Bar None advertises “spirits without spirits” and many popular restaurants in major US markets are adding a variety of alcohol-free mocktails to their menus. Sober bars are also increasing in popularity such as the Sans Bar in Austin, Texas or Listen Bar in New York, New York.

Perhaps, a decade from now sober will not only be “sexy,” but it will be a fully integrated part of societal norms.

About Futures Recovery Healthcare

Futures Recovery Healthcare is a specialized addiction and co-occurring mental health disorder treatment provider with residential and outpatient programs in Palm Beach County, Florida.

Contact Futures Recovery Healthcare

701 Old Dixie Hwy Tequesta FL 33469 United States

(561) 475-1804

Website: https://futuresrecoveryhealthcare.com/

The post Staff Perspective: Sober Curiosity appeared first on News TV Station.

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[iguessluci]

Select the Perfect Size Weighted Blanket

The search for a fantastic night's sleep is now something of a fixation for Americans. Maybe it's because a lot of us seem to go without. But before turning to sleep aids and medications, a blanket may be the solution. The perfect way breaks down that will help you select the ideal blanket that is weighted to attempt and correct a bad night's sleep. Blankets can be good for sleep disorders of any sort. Though studies are limited, they can help with insomnia, falling asleep, and remaining asleep.

Laura LeMond, owner of Mosaic Weighted Blankets, considers that weighted blankets are becoming more and more popular because naturally you learn how to relax under the weight, fall asleep more quickly, and start to love your blanket so that it will become a natural, comforting sleep solution.

The 2015 study revealed that 31 participants who slept with blankets had a night's sleep, with less tossing and turning. The subjects considered that using the blanket supplied them with a more comfortable, better quality, and more secure sleep.

How to Select the perfect blanket for you

Blankets weigh anywhere from five to 30 lbs. A assortment of weights are available, but how do you know which is perfect for you?

Both Fish and LeMond agree that the excellent blanket is 10 percent of your body weight that is ideal so that it matches your framework. For children or adults that the formula is 10 percent of body weight and one to two pounds.

Having said that, if you are finding it hard to roll over under the blanket and feel as if you're trapped, moving lighter. Bear in mind that based on research done on blankets, going milder might not have exactly the very same benefits.

"By using a blanket that's roughly 10 percent of your body weight, you feel as the blanket is hugging your body, giving you a feeling of calmness, which may decrease stress, in addition to help you to stay asleep so that your body can go through the essential stages of sleep to enable you to wake up fully rested," notes .

There's a whole lot of evidence demonstrating that stress and sleep are closely linked. I sleep on days when my anxiety is at bay. When I am ruminating on something, or things, I often wake or it takes longer to get back to sleep. Sleep problems can also lead to anxiety. For me, my nervousness is exacerbated by a night's sleep.

Fixing my sleep problems is critical for me personally, but also for my union. Because I am a sleeper and my husband always moves through the night, we often have trouble sharing our mattress.

I have tried everything in the book to get sleep: a white noise machine, Xanax, earplugs, and treatment. The sound machine rattles and is hard to travel with. The Xanax leaves me feeling the following day when I wake up. The earplugs are uncomfortable. Therapy has helped me handle my anxiety, but it serves as more of a plan than a tool.

I realized there was something a gravity blanket had not tried. I read to calm people that they are ready to find a restful night's sleep.

Blankets produce pressure touch, which is believed to help calm the nervous system of people in conditions of stimulation. This is the concept behind why some kids with autism may reply to using blankets or blankets through moments of sensory overload.

[dancekickboxcardio]

I need this to hold my fluids 💦 .

I am feeling sickly today. I am sore 😖 but I feel chills. I did a lot yesterday and I was doing it in a very interspersed divvied way and how it works for my allotted time 🕰 particularly when I need and feel like eating 🍽. I am hungry 😋. Shocker. I ate so much cookies 🍪 yesterday and I feel like I am nullifying the good work that I have been doing. There is some hope. I compared my STATs 📊📈📉from last week, a little weight difference but a point in body fat, gawd, that one percent is huge to me. I don’t have an idea 💡 of what that means visually. Oh, right Laura said at around 6 pounds adipose tissue loss. I chat with Heather and she also said a great point, muscle weight and 🆚 fat weight. Ah 🧐. I am not going to lie and everybody are sensitive about it, there are many girls far too thin and are going to look 👀 skeletal 🦴. My friend Susan and I are astutely talking about the pain and hurts that they don’t deal with that they feel it’s their weight they have to control to an extreme degree. I also added social forces such as the pressure of catching a husband 👰🏼 and appearing like the stick thin models like in Victoria’s Secret, etc. They are not selling sensible. It’s not healthy. They also have a cader of trainers 👟 to make sure they don’t keel over. Yes, you can die from an eating disorder. I feel that these girls and boys who despite an imbalance in body image of all things go to the gym 🏃🏼‍♀️ 💪🏾 and can bravely face their fears of being big and work on recovery. I hope 🤞🏾 they feel good about themselves and lead to acceptance of things as they are and they can work on being better. I on the other hand look 👀 at how unshapely my thighs are. However, I keep my desired body in mind. It’s appropriate that I remind everyone of what it is.

Beauty 😍. Health. Most, strength.

Also, before I left it out, yesterday, I didn’t follow Laura’s meal 🥘 plan. I got hungry 😋 right away. You should ask her for the winning formula. Every Filipino doctor 🥼 would swear 🤚🏾 by rice 🍚. Nope. She actually went to school for it and has a license. Like a graduate 🎓 degree. She has passion for food 👩🏼‍🍳 and went overseas to learn more about the diets people who live over a hundred partake. She invited me to her class. I am looking 👀 forward. I refine my approaches esp behaviors towards the stuff we put in our mouths, how you get them and prepare. I am a freak of nature. I am tractable and can adapt without hardship. When I see a problem, I look 👀 at it straight in the eye and make the necessary changes.

I just noticed that my Dad is being militaristic. He was like that too yesterday. I scampered prepping my gym bag. I usually bark back but I am being a good daughter. Now that I see that he’s being strict, I should answer him back not because I am like that but to give him a sense of what he’s being like and put it in a context. Reality testing if you will to see if the way to doing it is the best way or if something is not going right figure out why and as always, there is more than one way to doing things and not everyone are built a like. I maybe the stellar 🌟 kid, but currently, I am a royal 👑 screw up. Ugh 😑.

Hmmm... Ok, let’s channel what Friday was like. It’s a haze now. I was off Saturday and Sunday was so not princessy 👸🏼. I know I have a schedule 📅 but my execution and handle of time is loose. It’s like I know the big rocks, the little rocks are what I do in between I do in between. They are not planned. They are random, haphazard, a whirlwind and on a whim. I took a lot of pictures 📸 that day because I was not at the bottleneck. I keep on saying to everyone that every floor space is packed with machines. Oh, it could get busy. I didn’t eat my breakfast 🥞 in the car 🚙. I ate with leisure in the café slowed and mindfully to myself. I saw Katie and she gave me a side low five. I have been muscle rolling and because I can’t feel the tightness and pain in my back I say it works. I do it how Molly and Ian said I should, before and after.

I had limited time although it was more than what I usually have on the end of the week. I was excited 😆 because I get to lift weights. Weird gal. But I am past what girls think 🤔 or feel about being muscular. For me, it’s part of the job and really I see the power 💥 in it really. I see the oozing confidence on the girls with well formed shoulders and I want to be just like them. I am intimidating, what a surprise, and I don’t want to instill fear. I want to be approachable and for the most part I don’t want to teach that those you look 👀 up to are nasty . In fact, I am noticeably too kind. Good, I get to be myself. I know amazing people get raps and atttact enemies. It’s great that you don’t lose yourself in the process and be who you are and not be full of yourself. Competition throws you off, show who is the talent. Right, I am on offense.

I cannot remember what my impressions were of the day. Usually, I have a recollection of what I was thinking 💭 or what I was feeling. After three days. Maybe I should look at the pictures to remind me of things.

I started in the paddle bike 🚲 for sure. Was this the day I saw Susan, Tito Ronald and Emily? IDTS. Ah, my sister and her BFF were there. She was texting me 📲 and she was at the gym. I didn’t start at the paddle bike 🚲 I was at the rower 🚣🏼‍♀️. I was at the Alpha CrossFit section. Vie, you are not intimidate? I am not going to explain it and go through the nitty gritty. But know this, they have the best new machines and there was no one there. Ugh 😑, they have a tracker that records your STATs 📊📈📉. Yes, I am not going to lie 🤥. I am considering it. Yesterday, I am searching for training packages. Like when I signed up for a membership, I chose a plan that had 150 $LT bucks at you could use it towards many services. There were many options. Aaron discussed with me what they have at that time and I chose 60 Day Challenge. The program is actually great because it gives you so many tools 🧰🔧 to improving your body, how you feel about it, how you nourish it and how you care for it. My sister and her BFF use them for PT, no it’s not physical therapy 🏋🏼‍♀️ . I wondered 💭 if there is a package that’s not like 1,000 bucks to have like a month of physical training. It’s not pricey 💲 💲💲💲💲💲but knowing me, I want a great deal 🏷. I am poor. I am a graduate 🎓 student and really, who has unlimited money 💵. I remember telling my client’s late wife how I like getting things cheaper because you are left with more money 💰 in your pocket. But Vie, right now, has none. How confident and can you stand up knowing you don’t have a lot of money at your disposal. How comfy can you be? What makes you able to withstand teeming luxury. I won’t give you the answer. You have to discover that for yourself. Little? Like in term of what, you have a woman’s part? Vie, you are as sexist as you are plucky. How about I can be a peacock 🦚. I wonder what you have that you can be like that. It’s not intellectual humility 👓 for sure. Ugh 😑 .

I was showing some nerves this day and I actually embraced it. Vie is so unsure 😐 in her footing. I like it. How do you behave in a room full of testoerone. Like a girl without a doubt. Like a total loser 🤓. Like someone who is out of place. Grow up. I know, I am still adulting. I couldn’t find my fave arm machine. It was the one where I do my shoulders, the muscles behind my shoulder blades and my chest. I had to go in the big machines for big boys. My friend Maricar goes there to work out. I am not intimidate probably because I have been a gym goer for as long as I have been in college 📚 ✍🏾. I told you about the story of how I showed up in the Notre Dame rec center to work out. The hours are limited and the student body is largely student athletes 🎽. I refused to participate because I want to complete my degree 📜 . Well, not exactly. Yet, I was on the treadmill and this guy was just staring 😳at me like she has never seen a girl step on that machine before. Yes, the nuns are very very strict. I played it smart in the bench and I have a plan on how to build my back stronger. I started on 7.5 lbs instead of 10 and I want to stay on it for a few weeks 🗓 until I can grab a heavier iron. Thank God, I had a book 📚 so I don’t stare into space. My gawd, nerd wimp on the floor. Can I like kick your butt? What like mind jujitsu? No, I’ll put a bullseye 🎯 on your groin. Feisty.

My stretching 🙆🏼‍♀️ time is long and I feel that I have to figure out a way to fine-tune it or perhaps I am doing it so mindfully that my counts are way not on a New York 🌇 minute. It has to be improved. I hung out downstairs. I wasn’t hungry 😋 and I spend time on the phone 📱 sort of not berating but telling off flex your muscles on my undelivered Zella’s 👖 . I don’t think UPS 🚚 can be so incompetent. I did stuff on my phone 📲 after. I went upstairs. Oh, I must be in a funny 😆 mood. I for some reason have the silliest things to say. I said bye to Katie earlier as I left the floor after stretching and she was vacuuming and she’s really a great worker. I had to go back and say it, “You know what you remind me of? Ghost 👻 busters.

Vie: the tire lady

Katie:

I feel that I have that I have exhausted myself out talking. I can feel it in my brains 🧠. To say how my day went plainly, I did 30 minutes on the paddle bike 🚲 and wanted to follow it up with 60 minute Metcon. I felt I need fuel ⛽️. I went downstairs to eat. I went up I did some time in the treadmill only to find out that my Mom was 1 minute away.

My package 📦 has finally arrived ✔️.

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews… Orange is the New Black (S05E11) Breaking the Fiberboard Ceiling Airdate: June 9, 2017 @oitnb Ratings: @netflix original Score: 6.5/10

**********SPOILERS BELOW**********

The line between right and wrong continues to become more and more unclear, but the line telling Lorna (Yael Stone) she’s pregnant is clear as day. I couldn’t remember if Lorna had some opportunity to have a conjugal visit with her husband in the past… And then it hit me. Season 3, after Lorna and Vinnie (John Magaro) are married, an opportunity presents itself. Even though conjugal visits aren’t a ‘thing’ at Litchfield, It was CO Bell (Catherine Curtin) who looked the other way while they banged against the vending machine with headphones to drown out Lorna’s ecstasy. I have to wonder… Will this change things for Vince? Had he already considered this? Does the thought of having a baby with someone who is a little off kilter frighten him? I think we, as an audience, almost buried this happening for the most part. Many of us were scrambling to figure out what was going on with Lorna or just figured this was just another one of her outlandish outbursts… But since 5 has happened in almost real time and S4 flew by as well, I’m thinking that Lorna could be around 3 months pregnant, if that.

Then we have the issue with Suzanne and Lorna… Cindy being compelled by Taystee’s (Danielle Brooks) inaction and concentrations on negotiations that I fear will never truly come to fruition (something I’ve feared from the start), to deal with matters usually delegated to Taystee who just isn’t having it right now… She’s a woman possessed… A woman on a mission. These women are being eaten alive by a corrupt private prison system, either the privatization stops or the insanity continues. More to that later as the subject is really just an after thought and a device to move Cindy and Suzanne’s joint storyline along as well as for a bit of comic relief with Taystee and Fig (Alysia Reiner) discussing the names of their vaginas… Thx, Caputo (Nick Sandow), for that one!

Lorna has been withholding medicine from Suzanne. As powerful as Lorna’s speech was, as much truth to it as there was, ultimately this is someone who also is in need of dire psychological rehabilitating and intense therapy work making an uninformed decision about Suzanne’s medication. When it comes to drugs like Lithium and other heavy anti-depressants, that’s a road that should only be traveled if absolutely necessary. I suffer from extreme bouts of manic depression, bi-polar disorder, and anxiety. I have tried it all, and with my expertise in the fields of experimental psychology and a good grasp of sociology, I can tell you Suzanne’s extreme behavior isn’t something that is too far from reality.

I had read a few comments challenging the source of Suzanne’s behavior… And I just want to say, Suzanne is beyond bipolar disorder, and yanking those meds from her cold turkey can produce extreme side effects. It’s not like opiate withdrawal… It’s more like static and misfired electrical impulses that you can feel like mini-explosions in your brain. Anything taken regularly that alters your 5-HT (serotonin) release on a regular basis can have monstrous effects. Paxil, Zoloft, and any SSRI reuptake inhibitors are straight dangerous to just 'stop’ and I would say that Suzanne probably needs something a bit more extreme, or that airs on the side of more of an anti-psychotic. That’s not the point. The point is; I didn’t treat her but I do know that she has a serious mental disorder and any medication taken on a regular basis from benzodiazepines to opiates to anti-depressants must be carefully weaned and monitored by a professional or someone with the will-power of a well-bred stallion. And for the record, Uzo Aduba has been the highlight of this season. As the season winds down to the end, for me, she’s clearly the MVP. Secure her nomination now. Matter of fact, just in case, we’ll have a TVTime/Spotlight Saga end of the year awards, in case any of our favorites get shafted. Uzo, you’re a lock.

Speaking of great performances, I really believe that Adrienne C Moore who plays Cindy is also been working hard to be a possible top contender. This is her best season yet… The nuance she’s brought to Cindy, a more focused and self-aware Cindy, one who is aware of problems and the bigger picture outside of herself, has been incredible to watch. Adrienne’s scenes with Uzo have been nothing short of amazing and as determined as she was to quell the situation with Suzanne, she showed a real underlying concern for whether she was doing the right thing or not. This is an all new Cindy and it’s so amazing to see some of these women grow as actresses and add notches to their characters that are more than words on a page or stage direction. Excellent work, Ms. Moore!

Selenis Leyva has also been serving up some of her best work, and although I’ve received feedback from mothers who understand her motivations (believe me, I understand too, more than some of you may know)… It still feels a bit out of character for Gloria to make these batty decisions. I had a feeling that not only would all of this blow up in all of these women’s faces, but that Gloria in particular would receive a swift kick in the gut of privatized prison reality. I hope for change for these women, I really do… Hopefully we get that in a later season, but for now I don’t see good things in their future. And the fact that all of Gloria’s hard work disappeared underneath the fence is a sure fire sign that this determined mother won’t be getting that furlough she’s been working so hard for. God, I hope I’m wrong. Selenis has really conveyed the pain and confusion she’s experiencing during all of this so well, I just wish that her angle was approached in a more realistic manner for her particular character.

Ultimately, 'Breaking the Fiberboard Ceiling’ is a big step back into the right direction in terms of character work, tone, and story arcs for OITNB5. Episode 10 was nicely directed by Laura Prepon… But the chaotic, unfocused writing attempting to steer the show out of their E9 Horror Homage, that I actually really enjoyed, into a tense thriller in E10 and back into the strong laced dramedy in E11, given life by Director Wendey Stanzler and talented writer Lauren Morelli was no easy task. They literally had to dig the show out of a bit of a hole it had found itself stuck in, but luckily they’ve got it back, marching forward, in the right direction on its drama-heavy, darkly shaded eventuality of a path.