#lately ive kind been focusing a bit on my original content

[ashdash2417]

I’m sorry for the lack of original posts… it will continue to happen. 😔

[jyushimatsurepliez]

HIII

ive known and followed ur blog for awhile, always coming bac to this blog when i get back into hyperfixating over osomatsu san

ur a great artist and super funny, ur a big inspo for me and im just super super happy u exsist

ive finally had the confidence to submit a ask after years and im glad im able to

hope u have a good day/afternoon/night and yea much love from a avid jyshimatsu+karamatsu enjoyer

{Heyyyy!! I'm so sorry I've left this unanswered for so long TwT Even though this ask is so lovely honestly!! Thank you so much for all the kind words!

It's really been forever since I posted anything here, I guess when 2020 hit it really got to me more than I thought... And admittedly before that it'd already become a little bit of a grind I suppose. So I've been giving myself a mental break since then, and focusing on more original stuff, and that's been cool as well but... God this blog has been so much fun too and remains dear to me even if I'm hardly around these days TwT

I hope there's been enough content on it to go around and go back to and enjoy, but yeah, sorry I'm not as active as I used to be TwT But either way it truly means a lot that I was able to be an inspiration, and I really wish you all the best!! Also thank you for finding me funny! TwT I struggle with that part of my self-image even though I love drawing humour, so it's a real confidence boost.

Lots of love and muscle muscle to you, sorry I'm so late and I really hope you've been OK and will keep being OK, either way! 💛}

[angsty-nerd]

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by the lovely and wonderful @darlingnotso

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. Highway to the Sun - https://archiveofourown.org/works/28058361/chapters/68740104

I mean, I have to start here! I spent half the year focused on this one fic and it was a challenge and an accomplishment. The challenge being having to write it in a bubble. There were a number of points where I struggled and just. wanted. someone. to read it. And then thankfully artist parings happened and @darlingnotso fed me 😉 Her companion art owned me too. It was all just so perfect.

I’ll take it a step further and give some background. I think it was late June/early July. I was trying to meet a fic deadline for a fandom event. And I was sitting in my apartment daydreaming and all of a sudden I just got the image in my head of Liz standing in the California sunlight, and Max watching her from his car parked nearby. And every ounce of his being wanting to go to her, but knowing he can’t. So he just silently says goodbye and drives away. But she feels him as he passes and his avoidance is pointless. That scene just got stuck in my head, and within an hour I had the entire plot outlined.

Lastly I’ll just say, there’s a scene between Liz and Mr. Jones, maybe in Part 6? That might be my favorite bit of the whole fic. Somehow it just came out perfectly for me.

2. 2x13 Coda - https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308813/chapters/59836633

I wrote this little ficlet post 2x13 of Liz’s POV as she leaves town. The funny thing is that when I wrote this, I was pissed at Liz. Still sort of am a bit. Because I do feel like her decision to leave was a character backslide. And I know the writers don’t feel that way and it’s gonna be portrayed as a positive thing for her, but those little moments of hesitation where she clearly wanted Max to stop her - THAT was the character growth peeking out. Leaving is who she was before Max. So when I scribbled this little ficlet out I was focusing on two things. 1) those hesitations as a positive thing, and 2) her walls going back up as a bad thing.

3. WIP Wednesday unfinished fic segment - https://angsty-nerd.tumblr.com/post/621814550672654336/work-in-progress-wednesday

I never finished this, because the plot in my head was overcome by events in S2. But I shared it on Tumblr anyway because I really liked this little Max POV moment. I think I wrote this between 2x10 and 2x11? Thinking that Kyle would take Max to the secret lab and they would clear it out. I definitely didn’t see Liz locking Kyle out coming. But I liked the idea of Max feeling betrayed after listening to that damned tape recorder and reflecting on death and life. So yeah.

4. S2 Metas! Yes I’m cheating and sticking these together. Just... shake your head at me and go with it.

https://angsty-nerd.tumblr.com/post/616049598526554112/thinky-thoughts-on-max-in-2x06-ive-been-thinking

☝️ Meta on Max’s character changes in 2x06.

https://angsty-nerd.tumblr.com/post/619420857390006272/angsty-aliens-has-successfully-fixed-my-brain-on

☝️Meta with @rosaortecho and @angsty-aliens’ assistance on the Pod Squad as The Head, The Hands, and The Heart.

https://angsty-nerd.tumblr.com/post/621229731486072832/rnm-2x13-echo-download

☝️ loooongwinded thoughts on Echo’s S2 arc and ending.

https://angsty-nerd.tumblr.com/post/621841909804056576/uk-tv-and-watershed-content-requirements

☝️ Informational meta on UK TV Watershed restrictions, trying to explain why Carina was ignorant and unprofessional during the ITV incident.

5. Lastly, @roswelldetails.

Also kind of feels like cheating, but it was a lot of work and it’s why I didn’t really write much in the first half of 2020. So here are a few shoutouts of RosDeets posts that I felt pretty good about.

https://roswelldetails.tumblr.com/post/614491105293139968/notmax-in-good-mother

☝️Little signs that Max was a figment of Isobel’s imagination in Good Mother

https://roswelldetails.tumblr.com/post/615866503111344128/ive-seen-a-lot-of-posts-and-discord-discussions

☝️Season 2 Timeline: what’s known and where it becomes a jumbled mess.

https://roswelldetails.tumblr.com/post/617511638828023808/rnm-2x08-say-it-aint-so

☝️ I was trying to recall an episode that I was particularly happy with the deets post, and I realized 2x08 was one. The breakdown of Rosa’s plot line, and Iris was something that I felt pretty good about.

https://roswelldetails.tumblr.com/post/620491435283726336/helenas-season-2-timeline-as-of-2x12-and-all-its

☝️ Clarifying what the heck was going on with Helena Ortecho in Season 2.

Oh tags... I second all the tags that Maura did! Lol. Especially @maxortecho @rosaortecho @suzteel and @ober-affen-geil ☺️

[goose-books]

goose-books productions: a 2020 review

view the image in higher quality here! (open the image in a new tab to zoom in.) thank you to my dearest @yvesdot for the template

transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! for reference, you can find my projects here :-) overall, new and old followers, thank you for another good year over here! [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your h

january

i spent late 2019-early 2020 working on 2019’s nano project, quark, aka the speculative fiction thing about new york city and prophets and dissections of the chosen one trope and gay people. quark is my second-oldest project (five years!), but it’s also probably the most ambitious, so it’s been... difficult to wrangle into place, and i didn’t end up finishing a first draft. oh, well.

enjoy a snippet that is devastatingly emblematic of everything about quark. the tone. the homoerotic tension. the ensemble cast all talking over each other. the fact that caelum has spent pretty much this entire scene crying. fun autopsy report meeting.

Marble stares at the notebook in Shade’s hands. Or maybe he’s staring at Shade’s hands. Dawn feels a little voyeuristic, so she does what she does and says a dumb and unrelated thing: “Augustus, I think this pizza-on-the-floor thing is hurting my ass.”

Augustus flutters his hands. “Sometimes nonconformity is painful.”

“At least we’re originals,” Caelum mumbles into his sleeve.

“Exactly,” Augustus says.

“True originality doesn’t exist,” Marble says.

“Oh,” Shade deadpans, “it’s going to be a fun autopsy report meeting.”

It isn’t.

february

in january i stressed myself out trying to make the plot of quark work. so in february, i decided to take some time and write something Entirely For Fun. like, entirely for fun, no rules. and. my god. how do i explain the project i started calling “third eye for the bad guy.”

it was an unholy mashup of many of my past hyperfixations, including the gone series, a tale of two cities, warrior cats, and the left hand of darkness. one of the characters was a canon scalie and one was a canon fictionkinnie. it centered around a polycule of wannabe-evil-overlord high schoolers. i only wrote like three chapters but i was lost in the sauce for all of february and then i just… like… wiped it from my mind and moved on? somehow??? one character was a werewolf and that literally wasn’t relevant at ALL

I.

Someone was going to die on these steps.

This had been Ivy Lee Palomo’s thought last year during the all-school photo, and it rose in her mind again now. The one hundred marble stairs leading up to the great double doors of Saint Constantine Academy were the school’s pride and glory, steep as the mountain, sharp as the blade under Ivy Lee’s skirt. With the cutting wind and snow glazing the stone more often than not, with the freshmen wild and wired on their first day of their first year, it was really only a matter of time before someone slipped and cracked their fucking head open.

It wasn’t going to be her. Not when she had Doc Martens and reflexes like an electric coil. Still. Ivy Lee didn’t want to watch someone die. She didn’t get along with dead people.

march

in march, i got back to the project i’d started in 2019 - AMT, my podcast! it’s a shakespeare retelling set in a modern high school; this excerpt is funnier and also more unnerving in context. (double, double, toil and trouble...)

INDRAJIT: What the hell are you doing?

[PAUSE.]

DEE (like she’s lying): Making pasta.

[ALL THREE OF THEM LAUGH.]

NONA: That’s right.

MORA: We have the keys to Mab’s office.

DEE: We’re using her stove.

NONA: To make pasta.

DEE: Do you want some?

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

INDRAJIT: No.

april

and darkling rears its head! all of my other projects have existed for at least a year; darkling (specfic king lear retelling) is... special. it was conceived in april, when i started hyperfixating on king lear, and i still managed to write an absolutely ridiculous amount of content for it. it was like the power of hyperfixation let me speedrun the entire process. which. okay.

iv: control

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

may

in may i wrote AMT episode 15, by which i mean that in may there was a day when i sat in my room with the door shut for literally five straight hours listening to the same three songs on loop as i wrote the climax of one of the plotlines of AMT. so. that sure was… a day.

ISAAC: Do you want… do you want someone to drive you home? Hawk, you’re worrying me -

HAWK (almost cutting him off): Don’t. Don’t say that. I’m here to help. With your… thing.

ISAAC (quietly): I… don’t know if you should be here to see this.

HAWK (a little louder, more audibly upset): Well - what else am I going to do? Go home and - and have my dads talk at me and - and not be able to answer them? Because I can’t? I can’t. I don’t know what to say.

[PAUSE.]

ISAAC (V.O.): I wonder if this is what he feels like, on the outside, looking in at me. Watching someone else hurting. Helpless and afraid.

He still fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of his head and pull him close to me, like I can stop him from shaking, like I can stop anything from happening the way I know it’s going to. I bury my face in his hair. He smells so familiar. He’s so warm.

God, Hawk. I love you so much. You shouldn’t be here to see this. Something bad’s gonna happen. And you’re not the kind of person who belongs in a tragedy.

june

okay, honestly, i should talk about “night shift” here, because in june i wrote a whole short story in one night (and then foamed over it for a week), but i am still in the process of submitting it places! so i am terrified to put even a sentence of it online. instead: the other thing i did this month was to finish AMT! (sixteen episodes and somewhere around 175k, iirc, but don’t quote me.) these lines are the opener to the final episode!

RAHMA (V.O.): The combined series of sophomore year disasters stretched through November. It’s June now. It’s taken me… a long time to get this all put together. I was going to make a vlog about it, initially - well, calling it a vlog sounds frivolous. I was going to make a video recounting the whole deal. All of it. From when I kissed Avery Fairchilde to the very last night. I scripted dozens of drafts; I put together dozens of bullet-pointed lists of what to cover… and it was never enough. Because Avery and I weren’t the only ones involved. Even if I was only focused on the two of us, it wasn’t just the two of us.

So… I gathered up everyone else. The whole town of Ellisburg is still talking about the week the town went crazy, but it wasn’t just a week. There was a lot leading up to it. And I think if anyone’s going to talk about it, it should be us. The people who lived it. So here we are. The most ambitious Rahma Ashiq production of all time - at least so far.

july

every july i pause whatever else i’m doing to celebrate the birthday of aurum & argentate, twins from my oldest and dearest WIP The Mortal Realm. july fifteenth! mark your calendars. they’re princes, though argentate would really rather not be; you can read the full birthday piece here.

“Do you… plan to get dressed?” A bit of the usual humor crept back into Aurum’s voice. “Although if you want to speak to the kingdom in your underthings, by all means, you have my full support.”

Argentate scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t dressed, no, but the usual malaise hung over his shoulders like a cloak. Guilt. Nerves. The sick sense that he hadn’t done something he was supposed to. The numb knowledge that it was too late to change a thing.

“I meant to,” he said. “Get dressed, I mean.” The rest went unsaid: I have just been sitting here. On the floor. Thinking about how I should get dressed.

“Ah,” Aurum said, extending his hand. “The traditional route. We’ll save the nude speeches for the future, then.”

Argentate took his hand, stumbling a little as Aurum pulled him to his feet. He steadied himself on the closest wall, taking a few deep breaths. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. His hands found their way to the cross, again and again.

august

this summer, i wrote an entire draft of Valentine Van Velt is Dead, AKA “holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy,” AKA the weird little personal side project i keep tucked into my coat. interesting features include second-person narration from a narrator who doesn’t like the main character all that much. so reading it is kind of like the book wants to kill you? with an added dash of general melancholy.

You used to live here. That’s the thing that’s got you feeling so off.

You didn’t recognize your old house. I mean, you kind of did. You remembered that the road was on a hill. That hill felt like a goddamn forty-five degree angle when you were a kid. But if you didn’t have the address written down you wouldn’t have known it at all. It would have been just another little suburban house in rows of perfect little towns that make your skin crawl.

So now you’re in this diner looking out a gross smudgy window trying to block out the elevator music pumping through the speakers in the ceiling or whatever. I don’t know how speakers work. You’re trying to tune that shit out. The waitress comes over and catches you by surprise so you just point at some coffee thing on the menu so she’ll go away. For the record: you don’t drink coffee.

There’s a public library across the street. A little square building. You probably used to go there. The lady comes over and thunks your coffee on the table and gives you a kind of look, like she wants to know what in the goddamn hell you think you’re doing here and not at school. You sip your coffee and look out the window until she leaves you alone again. And then you spit it back into the cup because, for the record: you don’t drink coffee.

september

i spent september and october prepping for nano, so i was mostly working on darkling...

It’s late spring; still, at this time of night, on a rooftop, there’s a chill. The wind plays with the end of Ruby’s coat, with her hair. She hands the bottle off to Jasper, stares up at the fogged-over sky, wishes she were lying in Dany’s arms in Dany’s bed instead of here. Wishes, even, that Dany were the one on the roof with her. At least then they’d be cold together. At least then she wouldn’t have to imagine what Dany would say; she could just listen, and watch Dany’s flashing smile and her flinty eyes.

(She cuddles. This is another thing Dany does that Dany probably shouldn’t do, based on everything about Dany; it’s not like rattlesnakes cuddle. But Dany likes to nuzzle into Ruby’s side and rest her head on Ruby’s collarbones and toss an arm over Ruby’s chest, and hold her down like she’s worried she’ll float off somewhere. She’ll card her fingers through Ruby’s hair and hum. Even though they could get caught, even though she’s probably got better places to be - Dany cuddles.)

Ruby imagines it, momentarily, both of them on the roof together, sprawled like horrifyingly beautiful gargoyles, sharp teeth flashing, blood running hot. Up here - it’d be like they ruled the world.

But whatever. Jasper’s fun. He’s hot. He’s got a sharp tongue in a lot more ways than one. And she likes when he lets the mask down. She likes seeing the soft bits underneath. She wants to sink her teeth and nails into them so hard she draws blood. Masks don’t bleed. Ruby would know; that’s why she is what she is.

october

...though i was also in creative writing class in school, and thus ended up writing a bunch of poems of varying quality (my teacher had a real thing for poetry) and also one darklingverse short story where rory and cressida hold hands! which you can find here.

Lorelai Rory Flowers is afraid of thunder.

This is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit, as they’re seventeen (“at least seventeen,” they like to tell people, “maybe two hundred, who’s to say?”) and generally wise beyond their years, or whatever it is that adults say about kids with too much psychological baggage. Being afraid of thunder is not a very wise-beyond-one’s-years trait. And yet the state of affairs remains: loud noises make Rory want to melt into the earth. Back when they still went to school, even the fire alarm sent them scuttling under their desk to hide.

Right now, in the elevator, all they can do is shrink into their sweater.

They haven’t let go of Cressida’s hand yet.

november

and then november of course was nano which was an adventure all the way through. (opening tumblr on the fifth day of nano to find out about d*stiel... was something.)

“Apologize to me. Or get out of my house.”

Gracen’s voice is very, very low. For a moment she thinks he hasn’t heard her at all. Then he spins, eyes blazing. “What did you say?”

Gracen watches her own chest heave. She pushes herself up off the desk, stands with the effort of pushing a mountain off of her back. Leovald is six-foot-four. Gracen is six-foot-two. In her heels, in the heels she must wear to be a professional woman, to be a lady - they are the same height.

Gracen wipes her nose. When she lowers her arm, there’s a streak of blood across the back of her hand. Fire shivers in her chest; her heart rings in her ears; her voice could cut steel.

“I said,” she says, low, slow, volume building, “apologize to me. Or get. Out. Of. My. House.”

december

and finally, the poem i posted this year! it’s called the beast sonnet, and you can find it in its own post over here (with commentary! how sexy.)

i kill the beast and drop down to my knees, my blade stained dark with blood of stygian hue, and for a moment these scarred hands shake free, and hold a world unfurled for me anew. but once-mourned victims, victors, vices find; fear winged me; now its absence strips me bare. my sword now dulls, my legs, my voice, my mind; the beast, pried from my throat, leaves no skill there. and still i hear it laugh, O DEVOTEE— O CHILD DEAR, NO GLORY WITHOUT ME.

i was quite productive this year; i have to think it was because i was avoiding things... the peak of my productivity happened over the summer and in november, AKA, college app hell. (almost done with the last applications! pray for me.)

a general breakdown of what occupied me this year:

(no, i don’t know why the “various other things” category ended up so large... i blame all the one-off projects i wrote a single page for, and also whatever the fuck happened in february. yes, i do know why it looks hideous; it’s because each of my WIPs has a theme color

thank you once again for spending some time at goose-books dot gov this year! what to expect for next year: well, i very much hope i can produce AMT... also hoping to get darkling ready for beta readers, so keep your eyes out!

[thinkingimmensely]

Like an Open Book III

Part I | Part II | Part IV | Part V  | Part VI

A/N: Hey hey! I’m so happy that I got this done really fast and I actually like this chapter. This chapter jumps from Y/N’s perspective to James’ and there are page breaks to signify the change of point-of-views. I hope it’s not confusing. And as promised, a longer-ish chapter! :D Thank you everyone for your continued support!

MASTERLIST

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the Potterverse!

So without further ado, here’s the next part! Enjoy!

"She's a freak, I tell you Pads." James whined to his best friend.

Sirius Black wrapped his blanket around himself more tightly, covering everything except his face, which was still green. "What part makes her a freak again Prongs?" They were the only people in their dorm room right now since Remus was off doing prefect duties and Peter was getting them sweets from the kitchen and Frank... well Frank was probably snogging Alice somewhere.

"The part where she stares at me. Like... really stares at me then leaves without saying a word!" He let out a shiver, "I feel as if she stared right into my soul."

"Ah yes, she does that sometimes. That doesn't make her a freak though." Sirius said and flopped down on his bed. "She's a Gryffindor mate, don't lump her up with snakes like Snivellus."

James groaned and turned away from his best friend, "I don't think you realize that she hangs out with Snivellus. I bet they're together right now." He turned to see Sirius shrug and roll over. He furrowed his brows and adjusted his glasses. "I'm sorry but how does this not bother you?"

Sirius sat up back and shot him a look. "Why does it bother you so much?"

"It doesn't!"

"Then help me get rid of this green skin! I look like a troll!"

—

You sat by the windowsill of the Astronomy tower and basked in the dying light of the sun. You inhaled the scent of the forest and turned to look at Severus who silently sat adjacent of you. He's been quiet ever since he arrived earlier.

When the sun completely set you went back to safety, away from the windowsill, and Severus followed you. You turned to him and flashed him a concerned smile. "Sev, you're awfully quiet."  He sighed and sat on the ground, you followed suit. "Have you been practising?" He nodded. You grinned and took hold of his hands, which caught him off guard and he stared at your holding hands in shock until he finally looked up to you. Wrong move. 

You were standing outside of the Gryffindor portrait hole. It was nighttime and Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" Lily's tone was cold and held no pity. You turned and saw Severus desperately trying to reel his brains for a reply, something, anything to make Lily forgive him. You felt a wave of sympathy for him as you felt yourself getting pulled out of the memory. You furrowed your brows as you distincly heard real-time Severus shouting at you to get off his brain. 

"It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you."

The pull became stronger and the last thing you saw was Lily's green eyes burning in rage. You gasped and turned to look at Severus  who panted, sweat beading from his forehead and trailed down to his hooked nose. Then you noticed that tears also streamed down his cheeks as he looked away in shame. 

"Sev." You murmured then pulled him in a hug and held him as he sobbed out for losing Lily Evans, the only girl he's ever going to love.

—

James glared holes at the back of Y/N's head as she sat in front of him at Transfiguration. It's been two weeks since their last chat, and her ignoring him irked him. He turned to look at Remus who was currently talking to her as if she was some kind of close friend. 

Tomorrow's the full moon and Remus really shouldn't be wasting precious energy on you. He thought and huffed out in annoyance. Sirius, whose skin was finally back to its original green-free state, shot him a questioning look, but he just turned his back on him in reply. Stupid Remus. Stupid Sirius. How could they be so warm and welcoming and be all smiles to someone who hung around Snivellus?

"Lily used to hang out with him too, mate." Sirius had pointed out yesterday. "I don't see you scowling at her everytime you see her."

"Don't remind me; Lily's different." He had answered. 

"I don't see how different they are, they're friends with Snivelly and they hate you. They're practically twins." His bestfriend snorted out and flipped through a Muggle magazine Remus had brought with him after summer break, it was about machines and Muggle transportation. After scanning through it, Sirius took a sudden interest on something called a motorbike. "I'm just saying man, why does Y/N get your blood boiling so much?"

Why indeed? 

James tapped his quill on the desk as everyone started getting up from their seats to get to their next class. He saw Y/N wave to Remus before she left , which the latter returned with a smile. He followed her with his eyes as she headed towards the doorway, only to be stopped by Professor McGonagall. The professor had slipped her a note which she too hastily unrolled and read its contents right in front of her. He noticed the way Y/N's cheeks turned pink, a look he'd never seen on her before, as she thanked the Professor and hurried out. He stood up in a rush and grabbed his bag to go after her.

"Prongs, where you off to?" Sirius called out, but he had already left the classroom to delve into the sea of people, trying to spot her out of the crowd. When he finally saw her wound up a flight of stairs, he was quick to follow.

He grabbed the invisibility cloak his father gave to him on his eleventh birthday and quickly covered himself with it. Thank Merlin he brought this thing everywhere. He trailed behind her as she passed through an empty corridor then through another flight of moving stairs, circular this time, only to come to a halt in the third floor in front of a hideous, stone gargoyle statue.

She looked around in good measure and he instinctively wrapped the cloak around him tighter. "Key lime pie." He heard her utter and the gargoyle moved aside, revealing a pathway that lead inside the room. He quickly went inside before the gargoyle closed right back. He soon realized he was in the headmaster's office, the room was round and had multiple bookshelves and artifacts and at one part of the wall lined portraits of all the previous headmasters of Hogwarts.

"Ah Miss Y/L/N, I'm glad you could join me. Please have a seat." James flinched as he heard the Professor's gentle voice ring out and he looked as you took an empty seat beside an ugly bird which regarded her fondly.  Her back was turned to him so he couldn't see the expression she wore. What exactly did she do to land herself with the company of the headmaster? 

Professor Albus Dumbledore finally focused his attention to her, away from something that looked like a bird bath or a basin that had a silvery substance that appeared to be like a cloud-like liquid.

"I'm sorry for calling you out so suddenly and keeping you from your classes, but I just wanted to check up on you since I may be too busy to do it later." He apologized and poured some tea on a cup and handed it to her before taking his own seat behind the desk cluttered with books and parchment. His desk, James noted, was the only thing untidy in the entire room.  He raised a brow in confusion. What the heck was all this about?

—

Every reason you had originally thought about why Professor Dumbledore wanted to see you had just been dumped into forget-bin as you relaxed in the chair. You had mentally punched your brain walls, trying to remember what you may have done wrong but then he just wanted to keep tabs on your well-being. You let out a small sigh of relief and shook your head and accepted the tea, taking a sip from the hot liquid. "It's fine, Professor..." you trailed off, thinking of something else to say. "Um, and I'm doing well." Some conversationalist you are.

"You have everything under control?"

You nodded, feeling a bit happy at the feat. "Yes... at least for now." It had been exactly one month and two weeks since your Legilimency went haywire on you, and you hoped it stayed that way.

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and studied you with a look you didn't quite understand  then let out a small smile. "That is good. Have you used it on anyone lately?"

Your shoulders stiffened. You had used your Legilimency a lot in the last couple of weeks, what with everything happening between the Marauders and you. You dropped your gaze in shame as you felt your face flush in guilt. It wasn't really illegal to use Legilimency but Dumbledore had warned you against using it more than necessary.

"The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure, Y/N." He had told you before. That line had stuck to you ever since and you had parroted it to Severus during one of your sessions.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, unperturbed by your lack of response. "I noticed that you've been around mister Potter lately; I'm happy that you're making more friends. Now off you go." He continued and waved his hand away in dismissal, his eyes lingered by the doorway for a second before flashing you one last smile.

—

James felt a cold chill pass through his body as Dumbledore met his gaze. He shook his head fervently, that was impossible, he was wearing the invisibility cloak so he couldn't have seen him... right? 

Deciding that he didn't want to wait to find out if the Headmaster really could see through invisibility cloaks, he quickly turned to sprint out of the office just as she rose to leave. He didn't learn much but one thing was for sure: Something was up with Y/N Y/L/N.

taglist: @serenefreakgeek​

[xseedgames]

2017 End-of-the-Year Q&A Extravaganza Blog! #1

It’s time for our first 2017 End-of-the-Year Q&A Extravaganza! We’ve got a bunch of these we’ll be posting over the holiday break, so please look forward to them. Now, let’s roll right in!

We have answers from: 

Ken Berry, Executive Vice President / Team Leader John Wheeler, Assistant Localization Manager Nick Colucci, Localization Editor Liz Rita, QA Tester Brittany Avery, Localization Producer Thomas Lipschultz, Localization Producer

Question: Has selling your games on PC worked out for you so far? I know supporting the PC platform is a relatively recent choice for XSEED. - @Nate_Nyo

Ken: Being on PC has been great for us as it allows us to reach anyone anywhere in the world regardless of region or console. We were probably one of the earlier adopters in terms of bringing content from Japan to PC as we first published Ys: The Oath in Felghana on Steam almost 6 years ago in early 2012.

Brittany: I love working on PC. The work involved is greater than working on console, but I feel like it's a bigger learning experience, too. For console, the developers normally handle the graphics after we translate them, and they do all the programming and such. For PC, everything falls on us. I wasn't that experienced with Photoshop in the beginning, but I think I've gotten a lot better with it over the years. We can also receive updates instantly, and since I talk with our PC programmer through Skype, it's easier to suss out our exact needs and think of ideas to improve the game or bring it to modern standards.

Question: What non-XSEED games do you praise the localization for? - @KlausRealta

Brittany: Final Fantasy XII. I love everything about Final Fantasy XII's writing. I'm also a big fan of the personality in the Ace Attorney localizations. I'm still playing Yakuza 0, but you can feel the passion of the localization team in the writing. There are some projects where you can tell the editing was phoned in, and then there are games where it's obvious it was a labor of love. All of these games have a color I aspire to.

Tom: Probably going to be a popular answer, and not an especially surprising one, but I've got to give props to Lost Odyssey. It's hard to deny the timeless quality and absolutely masterful English writing that went into basically every line of that game's massive script, with the many short stories being of particular note. That game really does represent an inspirational high bar that I think most everyone else in the industry will forever strive to reach in their own works.

For a more unexpected answer, I've also got to give mad props to Sega for their work on Monster World IV. As a Sega Genesis game released digitally in English for the very first time less than a decade ago, I guess I was kind of expecting a fairly basic "throwaway" translation -- but instead, the game boasts a full-on professional grade localization that's easily up to all modern standards, brimming with charm and personality. It's really nice to see a legitimate retro game being given that kind of care and attention in the modern era, and it makes it very easy for me to recommend (as does the fact that the game is actually quite fun, and is sure to be enjoyed by anyone who's played through all the Shantae titles and really wants to try something else along similar lines).

John: I played Okami on PS3 earlier this year (before the remake was announced), and I was awed by how skillfully the team handled text that is chock full of localization challenges like quirky nicknames, references to Japanese fairy tales, and regional dialects. I was especially amused to see a reference to "kibi dango," the dumplings Momotaro uses to bribe his companions in that famous story. We dealt with the same cultural reference with STORY OF SEASONS: Trio of Towns.

Nick: My go-to response is always Vagrant Story, because it’s the game I credit with getting me really interested in a career in localization. Before that point, I had enjoyed games for their story and characters, but hadn’t realized just how much the specific word choices and tone contributed to a reader’s perception of a story as a whole. The gents behind VS’s localization would go on to be industry luminaries, with Rich Amtower now calling shots in Nintendo’s Treehouse department and Alex Smith being synonymous with the highly regarded prose of Yasumi Matsuno’s games – including the cool and underappreciated Crimson Shroud for 3DS, and Final Fantasy XII, which as anyone who’s played it can tell you is a stellar localization. Having spent a lot of time with FFXII’s “The Zodiac Age” remaster this year, the care and attention to detail put into the localization still blows me away. The unique speech style of the Bhujerbans (with...Sri Lankan inflections, if memory serves correctly) sticks with me, because I knew that I myself would never have been able to pull off something like that so deftly. I guess you could say Vagrant Story started a lineage of games that’s always given me something to aspire to as an editor.

Final Fantasy XIV, which I’ve been playing this year, also has a very good localization, especially considering the reams of text that go into an MMO of its size and scope. Michael-Christopher Koji Fox and his team have done a bang-up job giving life and personality to the land of Eorzea, and I’ve enjoyed seeing how the localization has changed in subtle ways as time has gone on. The initial “A Realm Reborn” localization sort of cranks the “regional flavor” up to 11 with heavy dialects and vernacular, but in subsequent expansions, they kind of eased up on that and have found a good mix between grounded localization and the kind of flourishes that work well in high-fantasy settings.

 And, while I haven’t played it in a number of years, I remember Dragon Quest VIII having a really great localization, too, with ol’ Yangus still living large in my memories. Tales of the Abyss was fantastic as well, and both DQVIII and Abyss delivered some really brilliant dub work that showed me how much richer one could make characterization when the writing and the acting really harmonized. I still consider Tales of the Abyss my general favorite game dub to date. The casting is perfect, with not a bad role among them. I also want to give mad props to Ni no Kuni’s Mr. Drippy, just as a perfect storm of great localization decisions. Tidy, mun!

Question: How hard is it to turn in game signs and words to English for Japanese? Is it as simple as going in and editing text? Or as hard as creating a whole new texture for the model? - @KesanovaSSB4

Tom: We refer to this as "graphic text" -- meaning, literally, text contained within graphic images. How it's handled differs from project to project, but the short answer is, yeah, it involves creating a whole new texture for the model. Sometimes, this is handled by the developer: they'll just send us a list of all the graphic text images that exist in-game and what each image says, we'll send that list back to them with translations, and they'll use those translations to create new graphic images on our behalf. For other games, however (particularly PC titles we're more or less spearheading), we'll have to do the graphic edits ourselves. When the original PSDs or what-not exist for the sign images, this is generally pretty easy -- but as you might expect, those aren't always available to us, meaning we'll sometimes have to go to a bit more trouble to get this done.

John: The best practice is to review graphic text very early in the localization process because it takes effort to fix and can throw a wrench in schedules if issues are discovered too late. On occasion, it is too difficult to change ubiquitous textures, especially those that might also appear in animation. This was the case with "NewTube" in SENRAN KAGURA Peach Beach Splash, which the localization team wanted to change to "NyuuTube" to make the wordplay clearer to series fans.

Question: With the Steam marketplace becoming increasingly saturated and being seen as a greater risk to publish on in recent times, what does XSEED plan on doing in order to remain prominent and relevant in the PC gaming space? - @myumute

Ken: It is indeed getting harder and harder to stand out as hundreds of new titles are releasing on Steam each month. We are working our way towards simultaneous release across all platforms to help leverage some of the coverage from the console version to get more attention to the PC release, so hopefully that's something we can accomplish soon. For PC-exclusive releases it continues to be a challenge, but at least they have a long tail and even if it's not an immediate success at launch we know it can continue to produce sales for years to come.

Question: What was your favorite film that you saw in 2017, and why? - @Crippeh

John: I'm way behind on movies this year (haven't seen Disaster Artist, Phantom Thread, or Get Out, for example), but recently I've enjoyed both Star Wars and Lady Bird. I expect I'll watch my favorite film from 2017 sometime in 2018.

Ken: Wind River. Mainly because of Jeremy Renner's performance and how many quotable lines he had.

Liz: Get Out for horror mindblowing amazingness, Spider-Man Homecoming for genuinely fun comic book movie, and The Shape of Water for Guillermo del Toro. Guillermo del Toro should always be a category.

That’s it! Stay turned for blog #2 later this week. Here’s a preview of the kinds of questions we’ll be answering:

Question: Have you ever considered selling the music CDs for your licenses stateside? - @LimitTimeGamer Question: If possible, would you please consider researching and localizing classic Korean-made PC xRPGs? - @DragEnRegalia Question: Do you have any interest in pursuing the localization of any of the large, beautiful Chinese RPGs that have been hitting Steam? Or are you focused exclusively on Japanese titles? - @TheDanaAddams Question: What inspired you all to do this kind of work in the first place? Also, what’s the story behind the company name XSEED? How did you all come up with it? - @TBlock_02 Question: What was everyone's favorite game(s) to work on this year? - @ArtistofLegacy Question: What's everyone's favorite song from the Falcom games you've released so far? - @Crippeh

[feverhalo]

Ok so. Big talky post about irl shit in all forms because why not & i feel bad leaving you all hanging so long on so much

Please dont r///ebl/////og and theres no pressure to read it or do anything in regards to this.

So. This covers like. So many topics. Grief and death and mental health being the biggest warnings for

Average news first. I still have my job and have been there officially for a year now! Pay rates are going up in my province, and thats a new solid reference should i need it any time soon. Theyre also beong really understanding and compromising(? Forgot theword i had originally) and letting me try new jobs/places to reduce stress

I found out yes, i am still allergic to peanut butter if the fact that i had really annoying stomach pain for h o u r s after eating a teeny tiny pb cookie is anything to go by. Didnt really pay attention to if i broke out on my sides or not because i was a little preoccupied with curling up tightly and feeling a little off the next day too. (I mean no duh what did i expect to happen but i mean. They smelled so good). Lesson learned.

Bad news

ive touched on but i dont think ever really said. Someone very very close to me passed in late summer and im still devistated and torn up and doing my denial/anger thing for the most part. Its. Not easy. But ive been going to see someone, admittedly its become a bit about everything when it was supposed to just be this, but i dont do death. When i was a kid and lost someone i shut down entirely and aside from angry outbursts and the occasional breakdown i tried my hardest to act like there was not and would never be a hole there. It didnt work well at all and im still affected by that person's passing too.

They were also one of the more supportive people in my life and i spent a lot of time reading and writing and creating in their company and its been hard.

And i know that im handling this a little better even though im still skipping out on things and blowing up and all the same sort of crap but i actually have a neutral space that wont feel marked or stained every day for processing and a neutral person to help.

And of course its not just grief im getting help with because its all kind of a tangled mess. But im also getting like. New insight on stuff and someone to talk to about whatever. And its making life quite a bit harder because im so used to blocking it out or locking myself away and letting things rush over and take over and run their course. Its been really hard to be creative because im incredibly self critical and having a lot more trouble focusing lately because of a lot of reasons.

Im stressed and overwhelmed a lot more easily and frequently right now. And i know im being distant even if it doesnt show. Im scared to kind of go along with this and open up and all that junk and now im being gently prodded to do so in short, honest (not just stuff i dont rly care about or stuff callously overshared to just pretend im being open) bursts its kind of freaking me out. But like. Itll all end up for something good i hope. Even though it feels awful right now and ive had stints of days or even a full week with supports on speed dial when i havent been able to calm down or shut off over thinking but thats- i mean i expect it. A lot is happening and ive known for years my coping strategies have been lacking.

Ive also been talking with this outside help and weve toyed with the idea of maybe i really do have add or at least my anxiety manifests similarly and its kind of a which came first- and this ties in to the next good part in a second- but i havent scheduled anything in my area for right now for those sorts of things but im still kind of getting new ideas from a different angle that might maybe help and if i dont then im learning things i still may be able to use. Either way its not a huge deal for the current moment and its a bit if trying to find compassion and acceptance for myself whether its thing a or b or neither but whatever

Good, great, best news!!

I have an in to starting the more physical process of transitioning. Like i have a day and a time and a start. Like really really really soon. Its going to be hard i know because im going to have to open up about things and will probably be told i have to wait until i can stablize a bit more- its been a lot happening in a short while. And i understand. I waited 2 years to hear from them, i waited a few years to reach out to them, and i unknowingly waited years to find new words that struck a chord and all that. So as long as its moving i can deal with the wait.

I have GOOD people (many i know and have known for years now who happen to work in an adjacent field, some who are new and yet to be met but have rly good references if that makes sense?) who are going to help me kind of navigate and understand and undo things i thought i learned that were honestly just veiled hate and scare tactic garbage. People who support me and dont push me past what i am comfortable with undergoing to "prove" anything (such as 'if you didnt do x right away youre lying/if you dont do y surgery first i wont believe you' kind of comments. I hope). Im looking into options and im so excited for it!!

Its going to involve a lot of talking about things and probably a lot i dont want to talk about just yet but its a great chance because it gets me officially connected and officially started and this place has more options than my town and more specialized crap that can detangle and work through all the connected things and it can all be lumped together as the same process and hopefully help financially that way- and time wise unbelieveably. Theres a very good chance ill be able to talk with someone there, and very likely that first appointment, who can help me understand why i work the way i do sometimes for whatever reason it is.

And im getting a lot of positivity and lessons like learning to give myself some slack where it matters and stuff like that. And that im not worthless or stained or going to rot other people- which is honestly uncomfortable for me to think because of how long ive thought the opposite. Like to think i may actually be pretty good like not pretend good and actually worth anything at all. Because i got stuck in bad thoughts since i was small.

Im also thinking on trying to go back to school because i have a lot i think about with nowhere to really put it and nothing to do which doesnt help me do the things i want to do. So maybe something like that would help because i like learning. I like the motions of it- writing and reading with intent to understand something new, the routine as much as i whined about it in highschool, the forced kind of proximity to people living apart from what i know entirely too so the world feels bigger in a tangible way. Thats on a back burner and waiting for sure! But the fact im thinking about it and happily thinking about it? I like that.

My life has been. Kind of a combination of bland as hell and busy if that makes sense. Ive had to sort of shut down outward productivity and cut down on things a bit because so much is going on, and im trying to do a lot as paced and as slowly as i can bear.

And even though im not Here here as much as i want to be and everything its just. Kind of time for this. And im so glad and happy that when i can be here i can see that people still like what ive done and theres always awesome content to see and yeah

Thanks for everything and checking in and i really really am looking forward to moving forward.