#last year my birthday wish was for the community movie to happen

[milogoestogreendale]

over a year later but. THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED

[hazelthevixen]

Hazel's Leap Year Post - Warnings, news, updates, and more!

Happy leap year! I'm not sure how else to celebrate except with my first journal post of 2024 (and first journal in a while), but who knows, maybe I'll think of somethin' ^-^ So how's 2024 so far? For me it's been alright UwU However, I am excited, I feel that 2024 could hold alot of potential for being a good year! >:3 Most days seem to be rather chill at the moment, I have enjoyed a few good outings tho :3 But I'm excited because I'm finally seeing to my big dream of mine! And that's travelling the world! ^w^ I will be going abroad to somewhere nice and hot in november, but I'm also hoping to make more friends locally aswell as seeing if any of my local pals would like to go on holidays with me before november aswell, cos it is quite a long way till november :o I'm hoping I'll get to travel alot this year, my new year's resolution is to travel and make friends after all ^w^ So as you may already know, I'm a very shy person, especially in the offline world. I'm not really confident enough to make the first move, though since I'm working on making more friends, especially offline friends, I'll have to see if I can try and come out my shell more.. ^-^; But I'll get there! I've made friends before and I can make friends again. Wish me luck! :3 Oki so..updates! First of all, I would like to say happy new year and happy chinese new year :3 I enjoyed some food and takeaways aswell as watching the cartoon movie on Disney's Mulan UwU It was great! Mushu is a funny character hehe X3 He is the dragon, which is this year's chinese zodiac. Last year's zodiac is the rabbit! and I just so happen to be the year of the rabbit ^w^ So last year I celebrated by making a new bunny oc. She is part scorpion and part lionhead rabbit, I made her on my birthday to celebrate that aswell as my zodiacs. I am a scorpio aswell as a rabbit, so it only makes sense that my bunny oc is part scorpion! I don't know what type of scorpion but I do know for sure she is a lionhead rabbit :3 I call her Scorpio Bunny, she's not really a fursona but she's still very cute ^w^ I'll post her at some point if I haven't posted her already. But if I have then you should be able to find her in my gallery! :3 I've also been branching out alot to other sites this year, to y'know.. get my works out there and try and get more noticed UwU I've been branching out to reddit, unvale, bluesky, and no mcroll this time, but seeing as it looks like the coast is clear, I returned to deviantart as for now. don't miss the community, but I do kinda miss some of the site's old features.. ÚwÙ No I'm not giving out links here, that's how the stalkers find me. If you want to follow me on those places, you'll have to message me privately. U.U And I wouldn't recommend searching for my accounts either, I somehow managed to get popular enough to end up with imposter accounts, so if you think an account could be me, ask the security questions I have provided on my weasyl and toyhouse (I plan to make security questions available on other places too). Ask several, and if they answer incorrectly or refuse to answer them, then you'll know it's an imposter and not me. The imposter accounts were created by jealous haters who have no life, as their pathetic attempt to frame me and spread more of their crappy fake rumours. But at least every smart person knows not to fall for those lies, only a stupid fool would believe such lies about me.. UwU Anyways, the imposters post disturbing content so that's also part of why I wouldn't recommend searching up my name, especially if you're a bit on the innocent and/or sensitive side. Stay safe! However, I might give out my new subscribestar just so it's easier to access, I might migrate there instead of using patreon because I hear patreon is giving out bans to artists who make content of higher ratings, so I might have to make big changes to my patreon and only make content for all ages, but I'll sort that out later, I'll be needing to make some big improvements to my tiers anyway.. ^-^; My subscribestar is still awaiting for approval, heck even I'm waiting too. I don't know how long approvals are suppose to take as it's been several months now. Until then, please feel free to check out my new subscribestar! https://www.subscribestar.com/hazel?redirect_notice=true I think you can subscribe once it's been approved, but I'm still new here and learning my way around so who knows :o Okay! so plans..what do I plan on doing? well.. in the online world, I am not only hard at work with my comic and artwork, but I have a little surprise that might come later after my comic ^-^ I wont say what because stalkers might try to copy me, but it'll definitely be something fun that you can try out if you like my characters ^w^ Subscribers and patrons will be the first to see new comic and animated episodes when they are out, as it might be a while until the series releases to the whole public, but subscribers will also be first to try out a fun feature where they can interact with my ocs ^w^ The reasons why I'm releasing it later when the comic is out is because you may not know the characters very well before you see stories and media of them, while when you actually go and see them, you develop a fondness to your favourite characters. So that's why I'm releasing the other feature later so people can interact with their favourite characters ^w^ I may however release another feature sometime soon before or during the comic, my good friend Chris aka Employee205664 suggested an idea of another way you can interact with my original characters so shoutouts to Chris aka Civil Defence Fox he's a good pal :3 maybe the other feature will be a bit of a surprise too ^w^ but I think Chris probably knows what it is X3 sshh it's a surprise lol! XD I'll tell you what it is when it's out ;3 but as for now, subscribers gain early access to cool stuff like this =D so if you're a huge fan then I hope you'll support me enough to become a subscriber ^w^ I've had a rough past so the money will go towards helping me aim for a good future to make up for past abuse. Keep in mind that I do work slowly, so as you may of noticed, I even be a while on content like artwork, but I do get things done and I do put alot of love, thought, and effort into the things I make, so it'll all be worth it UwU I've been making The Waffle Stars series since forever so I hope it'll gain alot of love when it's out ^-^ As for offline goals! I've been trying to tidy up all of my house so we can finally get some decorating done, put shelves up, and put up all my wall decorations that's hogging my drawers. I'm also seeing about being allowed a small dog, because of my invisible disabilities, I am eligible for a service dog. another shoutout to my good friend Diamond Faith for the helpful suggestion :3 But before we can be allowed a service dog, we have some obstacles to face First of all, my house does not allow me keeping a dog because the housing people said so. They don't like us keeping dogs and apparently cats aswell I've heard, so I was lucky to be allowed my guinea pigs, since animals kept in cages and tanks are less likely to cause damage to the house, and rodents like guinea pigs need to be constantly chewing on things (it's to keep their teeth healthy) so that's why I give them wood, cardboard, and hay for that reason. So we're planning on leaving the housing people that's not letting us have a dog Secondly, I'm currently proving that yes, I look after my guinea pigs well, I'm probably better at that than looking after myself, but I can still take good care of my house and self too, so I'm proving I can do all that to prove I can look after a dog aswell, because I've lived with dogs ever since when I was wee, so I have at least a bit of knowledge and experience with both dogs and guinea pigs, due to them being animals I've owned before And as I've mentioned before, we're tryna see about travelling more because travelling makes me really happy, it brings me alot of joy. So I'm aiming for a good future to have many things that could bring me joy and happiness, that's the key to having a good future, to work towards your hopes, dreams, and things future you will be able to thank you for ^-^ That aswell as always looking for things to keep you happy and entertained :3 I want to be a pampered princess! XD I'm also gonna try and make lots of local friends, I mean I have alot of online friends, I'd like to make just as many local friends because sadly I've lost touch with alot of my old school friends as I grew older and I would like to reunite with some aswell as making new ones too. Thing is, I'm very shy. So I need to try and practice coming out of my shell more, I think I need to step out my comfort zone sometimes and meet new people <:3 I'm currently hard at work on my art and trying to get some of them finished soon, but I still enjoy making my content, I make everything all for funsies :3 I've also improved my streams lots! now you can become a cute chibi fox when you subscribe to my livestreams ^w^ You get to customise the fox you play as, aswell as taking part in minigames to earn prizes! =D I also started using my mic on streams and made a pngtuber to go along with it, so join the fluffy gang today by becoming a follower on my livestreams! ^-^ https://www.twitch.tv/hazelthevixen I've got alot of offline goals aswell as online ones, they may not be new year resolutions, but they're still goals I'd like to work towards ^-^ Wish me luck! :3 And if you've read it all and made it this far, I jus wanna say..congrats! =D Have a lucky clover ^w^ *she gives you a 4 leaf clover to bring you good luck to all her friends and fans* 🍀 Thank you for checking out my post! :3 *the cute fox is wagging her floofy tail* Take care you guys ^-^

Please be nice when commenting! I refuse to be criticised so please accept that. If you're gonna be mean, don't say anything at all. Thankies for checking out my post! Meep meep! ヽ(◕ヮ◕)ﾉ I'm on other places too! ^-^

Posted using PostyBirb

[plasticpony4]

♡ My 2023 retrospective: egl version ♡ PART 7/9

Continues from the previous post.

After that, we went to eat lunch at a café, but before that, there was this beautiful place that looked perfect for taking pictures of my coord, but we were in a hurry, so I only took like 2 photos and this is the one that came out better even though it's funny because it's the typical bad windy photos with hair covering my face lol.

I'm sharing it because we need to remember that people online are real and ugly like us too!

Look how cute our old school babylitas @idonthaveaname0000 and @puredeathwish are! I love them.

As you can see, the quality of the pictures started getting better. That's because I didn't take them, a community member sent them to us after the meet. So get ready for more paintings spam!

Our meet ended with this chonky rainbow cake that didn't taste like anything.

November was also the month when this Axes Femme collection came out and I will absolutely have my indie brand seamstress friend make me a velveteen headbow that I can tie to my head instead of having to wear a headband. Even though I'm one of the few people that I know that doesn't actually have sensory issues, headbands are often uncomfortable, especially if you wear glasses and a ton of other hair accessories (which a lot of lolitas do), so I'm looking forward to having this little item in my wardrobe this 2024 (it's gonna match the velveteen dress that she will make me too)! Also, watching Misako's and brand lives with other people is a lot better than watching them by yourself.

Another thing that happened is that I sent my friend @saturnia-pyri a Moomin birthday gift that contained a book bag that she used for a fancy lolita tea party with her local comm. Even though she's italian, she lives in Ireland and is part of the irish comm, so we can't meet often. I wish I could see all my friends more easily and wear cute outfits together or just hang out casually, but it is what it is. I'm glad we can enjoy our friendship anyway even if we're apart and that she liked my present and used it in her lovely coord!

December

Aaaand we finally got to the last month of this long year in review. December started with masala chai and celebration for finally becoming a licensed psychologist. I invited many friends and acquaintances, but only a few showed up. Among them were some people from my comm. I was genuinely really glad that they came, and some even brought me gifts.

Then we actually had two different Christmas/winter lolita meet-ups!

This is what I wore for the first one. The theme of the meet was "Christmas books/movies/media". I tried to use this Tomoyo's Atelier JSK for my first real punk coord, with my Black Peace Now jacket and actual punk bag from when I was young. My coord was also inspired by A nightmare before christmas. I'm standin with @puredeathwish here.

I love all the photos @puririna took of us! More to follow on the next post!

[END OF PART 7/9]

[mizakikimoto]

My birthdays always suck. I can’t ever relax. There’s always something going on. The battle never ends.

Yesterday I was marked for death by the YWCA. Terrible organization with terrible people.

But…I’m not on the streets, yet. My heart hasn’t stopped, yet. I was able to get some pizza and chicken…less than some people get…right? And my Starbucks. It took like 20 minutes to get…but it happened.

I hate that I spent part of today drafting an email in my head.

But…I was planning on seeing these statues, months ago. Last night I panicked, because Navy Pier said this was ending yesterday, when it’s supposed to end on the 26th. Customer service never got back to my email, but things worked out. I was so relieved seeing these guys and girl when we turned into the area.

My health has been bad for a long time. There aren’t a lot of pictures of me from these past few years. I refuse to be caught.

But I put up my hood, and took my picture with an old friend. I totally neglected Prime. Maybe I’ll regret that one day. But I now have a picture with my dude Primal.

I used to dress so much better than this. Look better too. But…I just told myself I’m battle damaged.

Little did I know, I’d be seeing Buzz and Woody too. More old friends.

Oh Primal looks so cool. I keep saying that to myself. I keep “Primal”, over and over again.

I need to get this person to meet with me. Just walking around Navy Pier left me exhausted. My body really is screwed.

I had no tact taking some of these pictures. There were too many people. I just couldn’t care.

I was telling my sibling that I wish I could have stayed longer. I would have had a picnic.

But…sometimes things work out. I’ve had so much bad luck. I thought today would keep it going. But, no. Prime, Primal, and Mirage were there. Navy Pier’s Instagram kept responding to people saying that yesterday was the last day. For once, clinical communication lost. Thank God.

Now, I need that to repeat again.

My mother was like: “No one’s taking a picture with the monkey.”

I was like: “That’s the one I want to take a picture with the most!” I purposely wore this jacket in case I decided to just let it happen; overaged face and everything else.

I’m glad I got to meet my old friend, man. Prime, I love you. Primal, we just go way back.

Let my worry be proven to be for nothing again.

And one more thing:

I hate referring to things as fiction. But…this blog is attached to my company.

Some people might think Transformers is dumb, or hate Rise of the Beast when it comes out.

But here I am, nearly homeless, my health…terrible, everything on the line more than ever. 23 years lost, still.

Years ago Beast Wars came out. Then Paramount decided to adapt it into a movie. Then they decided to make these big statues to promote the movie.

I got to get a little joy, even in this terrible state.

You never know what you create will do for someone. So make sure it gets out.

-Chris

[danielleee-x]

A year in my life.

January

I was doing good during christmas & nye, it's always a bit stressful but I'm doing alright.

Or am I?

That's when I crash, usually middle of or end of January is when I stop functioning. I stay laying in bed one day and fast forward it's February and I haven't gotten up just once.

Feeling pain in my bones, the weight of every movement I made in the past month crushing my muscles and spirit day by day.

And getting weaker with every breath. Every bite. Every swipe on Instagram. Until my speech has left and I need to communicate through that thing that hurts - my phone.

But I was doing alright, wasn't I?

February

The days seem to be fleeting. Shouldn't forget to at least get better before my sister's birthday..

Laying in bed day in, day out. Darkness within my room. Awake at night, asleep during the day. In and out of weakness.

I don't remember what I ate or felt that day or yesterday or the day before that.

Wasn't new years eve just a week ago?

Wait stop, it's moving to fast!! Stop.. please..

I don't even know how to process all of this yet...!!

March

I should really pull myself together. But I can't get my sleep schedule to turn around.. I try and try with no success.

My hatred for myself is growing stronger and stronger.

What's even up with my hair? When did I shower last? It wasn't January, was it? And my skin? Have I even touched it in the last 8 weeks?

I'll prioritize a shower for now. I'll wait until my mom has time to brush my hair so I can go and wash it with shampoo atleast 3 or 4 times.

But she doesn't seem to have any time or energy...

Mom, please, before April.. Before your birthday please!

April

My mom's birthday is in 8 days.. No matter when my hair will be washed, I won't be able to attend it. Just like all the other hangouts I've been invited to the last 2 months.

Oh well.. She won't be getting any gifts from me this year.. I'm sorry for being such a useless piece of shit mom.. I swear I'm sorry.

I'll still prioritize my shower because without having showered first I can't workout to get better. So she helps.. Somewhere before her birthday but nonetheless it takes a week to reset and be able to sit up in bed again, nevermind even just blinking or watching a movie..

My dad's birthday is soon..

I should prioritize my health though, I should workout when I can, no matter the consequences of missing his birthday or getting attacks again.

Why am I not getting better after my shower? Why can't I go workout? What is happening to me? Why is swallowing so tough and breathing so hard?

I have time though, I should get better until May. It'll be fine. Either way I want to celebrate my birthday..

May

One small month time to get good enough to atleast go for dinner for my birthday. Maybe even meet some friends.

I can finally workout. It seems to be going well! I feel on top of the world! Within a week my luck has turned, I can function like a normal girl!!

This is so exciting. I have to keep this up. Workout weekly. Eat well. Don't let myself slip.

My birthday was good. Not what I would've wished for but my wishes were too big nonetheless so it's okay!

June

I'm doing good. The heat is a bit bothersome though. I'm able to workout and be active but choose to spend a lot of my time in my cool bedroom and either game or just be on my phone.

But no proper issues though, not like January, February, March or April...

I don't however see myself showing any skin or enjoying swimming or sun with the body I'm in. I gained so much weight since December, all because I ate but couldn't shake it off. I gained and gained and now feel like the ugliest person in this world.

I'll never show my body to anyone ever again.

But still, I'm doing good. It's just a bit warm in all these oversized shirts, that's all.

July

Same thing as before. It's too hot to be active. I have some parties here and there and hangout with some of my loved ones but not a lot.

August

Same sentiment still.

September

I can finally plan some stuff. Start going on my daily walks again. Enjoy life, which is nice!

October

I'm overdoing it for sure, I'll burnout soon if I don't stop..

But I don't think I'll stop..

Quitters are losers don't forget.

The changes of the weather are starting to wear me down a lot, feels like I'm stuck in mud and can't move on..

I feel the control of my illness slipping away..

I'll keep my head high though, it'll be fine!

November

You shouldn't push forward whenever there's resistance. I wish I'd learn that someday.

I'm in bed again, breathing heavy and barely moving...

These patterns in the past couple of years are rough. They'll wear me down in time.. I'll be nothing but a weak fragile person laying in bed all day and in need of a wheelchair as my main if I don't start taking care of my body...

December

In bed all day.

Slumming around.

Barely speak to any of my family all month.. Although at least until Christmas and NYE..

That time will be a horror in disguise but I'll push through and enjoy every part as much as my body can.

No.. actually more than my body can..

I'm sure it'll be a better one next year..

I've learned so much! There's no way it'll be a repeat of the past. I've got it this year. I'll have a healthier life than just staying in bed 6 months or more.

Next year will be mine.

Is what I say, every time.

[crownedone9x9]

Journal 01/23/23 Friendship

Hey weirdo’s! Well last night went great. I threw a party for me and two of my childhood friends. It was my birthday last Wednesday so there is that. Ya a bunch of people who wished me happy birthday will never know how much that meant to me. I could talk about that all day. However I would like to talk about friendship. I have had many deep friendships that I have picked well throughout the years. I am still friends with a friend I have been friends with before we understood what friendship even meant. He kind of knows when bad stuff happens to me. He called me one day as I was about to call it quits on life again or least try, anyway. He and another friend from the church I grew up with. We have been friends forever too. They came over for food and a movie. The best part was I got to cook for them. I only have cooked for my family so this was a treat to have them be guinea pigs. Profound comments like it was good, or look I ate all of it. Men don’t make sense to me sometimes. Even if I am one, lol. This second friend, he brought me to another church that changed my life forever. It seems stuff happens to me both good and bad when I start going to churches. Anyway I just joined or I guess maybe I Joined a choir and I asked the music director if I had to sign my name in blood. I love to joke about dark shit. Dead baby jokes are the best. Anyway they came and I was able to feed them. They liked it so yeah, I killed it I think. I hope to have a home of my own one day where I can invite more than just two single guys. If they were married they would not have time for me. So I am glad it worked out this way. I want to start a bible study. Well one of them might be mad at Jesus. So there is that. I am just going to keep saying his name until someone listens, lol. Being the man God wants me to be is a journey one step at a time. Well in this case one letter at a time. This was a challenge to be more outspoken about my beliefs and my experience, strength and hope. Having a loving community on the internet is amazing people who actually read this sometimes. I hope someone does, just at least one person. Who finds something worthwhile and relates it to their lives. I know If I just keep talking about how God has change my life they might believe it can happen to them too. Guess what?!?! it has been a while since I even thought about using. Been too busy, lol. Anyway I could go but I am going to just stop here. Love you all, you weirdo’s, have a blessed day!

[thehoneybuzz]

I got my first tattoo when I was 22 years old. My big brother came for a visit - we’d been best friends living on opposite coasts for 2 years by then. A giant Samoan gentleman named Buffalo kept the shop open late to bestow my first ink - a small elephant on my rib cage. Elephants communicate across continents, and it felt good to capture that kind of forever with my brother by my side. We’d always be there for each other - even if just through rumblings. My first tattoo meant “I love you” to my brother.

Just a year later I’d get the country of Iceland tattooed on my calf. I wanted to memorialize the trip I’d taken there. I had traveled by myself to a foreign country and scuba dived between the earth's tectonic plates in a glacial lake. I put the Icelandic word for love - “elska” in the outline of the continent because Iceland wasn’t just the setting of my first solo adventure. A boy named Ian Tanzer would show up 5 days into that trip and bend what he could of his broken knees. He proposed behind a waterfall. We celebrated in hot springs and by feeding Oreos to Icelandic horses. I felt I found my whole heart in Iceland. I found myself and my soul mate on its shores. My second tattoo meant “I love you” to me and the man I’d marry.

My third tattoo was a symbol from the Harry Potter series - the Deathly Hallows. I got it at 24 when my best friend, Reece, and I found ourselves back home together. Reece and I became best friends in the fifth grade when he was told to clean the chalkboard at recess. I offered to stay behind and help, a real Hermione Granger. Somehow our board cleaning devolved into a 409 war. We shot the cleaning material across the entire classroom, and when class resumed we were all but doused in bleach. Our friendship was born of mischief. He and I would wait in line together at every midnight release of the Potter series - at bookstores and movie theaters, alike. We’d be in Europe together, as sophomores in high school, for the release of the 5th movie. Not to spoil it for you - but Sirius Black dies. I sobbed into Reece’s shoulder outside the London theater. It wouldn’t be the last time I’d need that shoulder. My third tattoo - which later grew to read “mischief managed” meant “I love you” to my best friend.

That’s when it happened.

About 6 months later I was marrying my husband, and I couldn’t keep the secret anymore. I couldn’t walk into that next phase of my life without being honest. So. 3 days before my wedding I told my dad I had tattoos. I knew he wouldn’t like it. My brother's tattoos had strained their relationship - but my brother was also living under my fathers roof. I reasoned that since I was independent and doing well on my own (at 22, 23, and 24) that his usual arguments wouldn’t apply. I knew he’d be mad. I didn’t know it would be our last real conversation - that he wouldn’t attend my wedding. At 30 we are fully estranged.

And today is his birthday.

And five years after he’s turned his heart from me I still wish I could wish him a happy birthday. That’s grief.

I’ve got more tattoos now then I did five years ago. I added the flowers of my wedding bouquet to my rib cage. I covered my Iceland tattoo, but I love that it’s still almost there. It sits beneath Mount Rainier, a compass that points NorthWest, and a triangle outlined by lilacs. I missed my home more than I loved Iceland. Now I’ve climbed the mountain I honored on my skin. I got a bee on my ass that reminds me to “live one life” as an homage to a spirit quest taken solo in Peru. Not to mention the pilot I’ve got on my quad - I think that one might be more of a self-portrait than any of ‘em. Who I see myself as when I fly. The color wheel on my forearm is my favorite and most useful. Oh - and a few stars on my wrist as another nod to Harry Potter. I know. One Harry Potter tattoo is enough, but two felt better. Reece got a matching one within a week of mine, of course.

I wear myself on my skin, and at the site of it my creator turned from me. That hurts. It also gives you superpowers. I have been made stronger for this - so I have to be grateful for it. The last words I said to my father were this.

He asked if I would do it differently now. Knowing what I know - knowing how hurt he was - knowing that it would lead to (at that point) a year of not speaking - would I do it all the same?

I looked him in the eye and said, “I would not change the tenets of my character for you or anyone.” And that was that.

If someone turns from you in your power - they are not meant for you. And it’s not wrong for you to let them go. That’s the lesson I learned from my father. I don’t know why - but he could not see me. He likely never will. And that’s okay.

Because I am okay. I am healing and grieving. But - also - creating something beautiful.

So Happy Birthday, Dad. And fuck you

[spacebinn]

introduction to modern communication

this was not supposed to be as long as it ended up being. this was supposed to be an idea, not a full fic, but i was bored in a long car ride, so here's my take on this. for those who follow me who haven't finished the show, do not read this!! i can't figure out how to put a "keep reading" on my phone so you'll just have to scroll.

the study group created a group chat at some point. perhaps it was suggested by annie, who wanted a faster way to remind everyone about their tests. maybe it was abed, as group-text shenanigans make for great entertainment. it may have been jeff, who mass-texted them all once to save time and didn't think it would turn into anything. however it happened, though, the group chat was born.

everything got texted in that chat. pictures of shirley's children. pictures of britta's cats. confused texts from pierce asking how to send a picture. invitations to movie nights at troy and abed (and annie)'s apartment. britta sending information about current events. but there was also a lot of nonsense, and casual conversation.

when troy left, he stopped sending texts or replying to anything. obviously he couldn't reply while he was in the middle of the pacific, but surely he would come ashore every now and then. the group assumed he had moved on. it hadn't occurred to anybody that even though he was regularly going on shore leave, he was still in other countries, and couldn't yet afford to pay the exorbitant international fee.

troy finally landed off the coast of maine in early 2016. immediately, his phone made a "ding" noise. and then another one, and still more. ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. it seemed to never end. all the messages from the last two years finally reached him.

on his road trip back to colorado, every night, he would stay up and read the messages. he read them in order, and it was annoying to have to scroll all the way up every time he went to read, but his heart filled with such love for these people, his family, really, and he had missed them so much. he had fun, of course he had, and he had had amazing adventures, fought pirates, and saved levar burton from certain death. but at the end of the day, he still dreamed of coming home and seeing jeff, and shirley, and britta, and annie, and abed.

he tried to decipher the cryptic meow meow beans messages, but there were so few it was hard to tell what had happened. he read about jeff's 40th birthday, and shirley's very upset message from a heated game of dungeons and dragons. he learned about subway purchasing the school, and his friends' discovery of borchert's gold, saving the school.

he read all the messages from when this new woman, frankie, arrived at greendale. he read about the panicked texts concerning a dog named ruffles, and even more panicked and angry texts following what appeared to be a mass email leak. he read about abed's movie and chang's brief stint as a celebrated actor. he read about the paintball war, garrett's wedding, and finally, the night before he'd reach greendale, he had reached the end of the texts.

annie was saying goodbye; she was about to board her plane. troy wondered where she was going. apparently, wherever it was, shirley would be visiting and helping unpack that weekend. when had shirley left? that would explain her strange comments about a detective. jeff and britta wished annie well. were they still at greendale? jeff must still be teaching. was britta still a student?

then he saw abed's goodbye text. he was also going on a plane. different from annie's. where was he going?

when troy arrived at greendale, he went to see jeff. troy stood awkwardly at the door, unsure if he'd still be welcomed as a friend. he took a deep breath and knocked on the door. upon invitation, he opened the door to see jeff, looking a little older and more tired than he used to. jeff's mouth fell open, his eyes widened.

"troy."

"hey, jeff."

jeff stood, face revealing no emotion other tha surprise. he walked over to troy, who flinched, afraid of the angry yelling that would surely follow. but jeff hugged him.

"good to see you, man."

troy grinned, relieved to have been welcomed back by someone familiar. jeff stayed there, hugging him for longer than he normally would.

"hey, jeff, it's getting a bit hard to breathe..."

"right. sorry. it's just... you probably don't know, but everybody's gone-"

"i read in the group text. my phone blew up when i got back in the country. i just finished reading last night."

"yeah. i mean, britta's bartending in town, so i've still got her. and i've got frankie and even chang and the dean aren't so bad. i know them, at least. but shirley left to take care of her dad, and annie and abed left to go start their own lives. like you."

"where'd they go?"

"annie got an internship at the fbi. so she's in DC. and abed went to LA."

troy smiled. "of course he did."

"you can still stay in your apartment. britta moved in after you moved out; annie and abed left, but she's still there. you should go see her. she'll be really glad you're back." troy nodded.

so troy went back to apartment 303, and he told britta all about his travels, and jeff came for dinner and he told all the stories again, but his heart was heavy and hollow.

he knew he had no right to expect abed to wait for him. after all, they had to learn to be apart. that was what the boat trip was about. but greendale just wasn't the same without him. it was sad, empty, lacking the magic and life abed had brought to the campus. so that night, when jeff had gone home and britta had gone to bed, troy dialed the number he still knew by heart, that was on speed dial.

"this is abed nadir. i'm not available at the moment, but leave a message and i'll call you back." troy heard a quiet "pew pew" at the end. he imagined abed recording the message, doing his little finger guns. troy was trying to think of what message he could possibly leave that would convey everything he wanted to say, when suddenly there was a click.

"this is abed speaking." and it was then that troy knew what to say.

"hey, buddy."

EDIT: this is also on ao3 now under the same name!!

[kelieah]

last updated: 05/20/22

key: ☼ = fluff | ☾ = angst | ® = nsfw | [ ] = kind of reader or peter

back to main masterlist | my writing guidelines

heads up! my newer peter parker fics are now more versatile unless specified. meaning you could imagine it's tom, andrew, tobey or even play station peter (or anyone else you have in mind) :)

though the gifs may be one peter, you can imagine whoever you want. i usually choose a gif of peter i feel is best fit for that fic!

series

good amount of effort, short to long, stories with multiple parts

☞ my neighborhood there’s a new vigilante in town and spider-man doesn’t like the sound of that. though finally meeting the new vigilante, they slowly change his mind [vigilante!reader]

long reads

full effort written, lengthy stories

☞ bored your husband, peter being a goof in quarantine ☼

☞ communication peter finally tells you the truth ☼ ☾

☞ bereaved you’re not the only one who had to deal with your father’s death ☾ [stark!reader]

☞ always and forever peter saves you and reminds you why he loves you ☼ ☾

☞ my neighborhood (1) (2) there’s a new vigilante in town (series version here) ☼

☞ was it worth it? your husband, peter had to learn the hard way that it wasn’t worth it ☾

☞ surprise! you give peter a gift he would have never expected to receive from you ☼ ☾ [stark!reader]

☞ warm you invite peter over early in the morning for more than just cuddles ®

☞ coffee breath drained, touch-starved, and brain empty. who you gonna call? spider-man ☼

☞ bunnies? you and peter finally figure out each other’s feelings for each other and try to ditch your dad’s christmas party ☼ [stark!reader]

☞ mile high club you welcome peter into the mile high club ®

☞ my medication you and peter are two broken teenagers in love, and this is how you unconditionally love and help each other ☾

☞ special delivery peter orders a pizza and you deliver the pizza, yet somehow the two of you manage to strike a deal out of it ☼

☞ the beauty next door your next-door neighbor is, to your surprise, always there for you when you need him ☼ ☾

blurbs

medium effort written, short stories

☞ adore you late night drive with your best friend peter ☼

☞ i’m sorry you find out your unrequited love for peter ☾

☞ huh!? peter finds something he wish he didn’t in your backpack ☼

☞ you okay? peter knows when something is wrong, so he comes in to save the day ☼

☞ did that just happen? peter kisses you and freaks out ☼

☞ happy birthday mr. stark it’s tony stark’s birthday, a year later from his death and peter couldn’t handle it. then that’s where you come in ☾

☞ happy father’s day too! it’s father day, so why not surprise your dad and peter ☼ [stark!reader]

☞ no way it’s your first day of work and you run into someone oddly familiar ☼

☞ all yours you’re messing around with peter’s web-shooters and decided to have a lil fun with them ®

☞ vanilla how peter usually takes care of you after a lil fun ☼

☞ apple pie you wake up to your hero attempting to bake for you ☼

☞ stilettos peter parker loves spoiling you, but this one time he wants something in return ®

☞ pda peter makes a smooth comeback during movie night with the avengers ☼

☞ latte kisses you give peter a taste of your spider-man flavored latte ☼

☞ longing peter surprises you after being away for awhile ☼ ☾

☞ exhausted peter's tired and you know just what to do ☼

☞ penguin there’s a blackout and spider-man is there for you just when you need him ☼

☞ young peter comes back to you. heavy with regret, only to leave with more and a broken soul ☾

☞ four eyes peter starts wearing his glasses again and you reassure him that he still looks amazing ☼

☞ first date turns out the guy you met online isn't just a fever dream ☼

smaus

social media stories, maybe some writing, maybe not

☞ 34+35 ☼ [mcu!peter]

☞ peter parker being a supportive boyfriend ☼ ☾ [mcu!peter]

☞ wrong meme ☼ [mcu!peter]

☞ pregnancy scare ☼ [mcu!peter]

☞ jump ☼ [mcu!peter]

☞ our future ☼ ☾

☞ morgan the matchmaker ☼ [mcu!peter]

☞ rat boy ☼ [tasm!peter]

headcanons

some effort written, bullet pointed stories

☞ babysitting morgan you and peter get to babysit morgan ☼

☞ we can do this together peter kinda comes out and confesses his feelings. but wait, so do you ☼

☞ fanny packs tony lets you and peter go out on a “little” shopping spree and immediately regrets it ☼ [stark!reader]

☞ i will always take care of you peter never fails to pass up the opportunity when you need help ☼

☞ he loves you too your dad keeps walking in on you and peter at the worst times ☼ [stark!reader]

☞ what peter is like when you’re on your period ☼

☞ couple shit with peter parker ☼ [mcu!peter]

[bukojuiice]

˗ˏˋ@bukojuiice’s BNHA masterlistˎˊ˗

REQUESTS: [CLOSED]

© bukojuiice - all rights reserved. please do not repost, distribute, copy, or plagiarize my work. please ask for permission if you wish to use my work for asmr or for voice overs. thank you!

➸ Headcanons

♡ ྀ  “midoriya, bakugo and todoroki cramming school works with their S/O”

♡ ྀ  “baby it’s cold outside.” (katsuki bakugo christmas hcs)

♡ ྀ  “going to Universal Studios Japan with them”  

♡ ྀ  “how you spend a virtual valentines date in quarantine w/ them” 

♡ ྀ   what happens when the bakusquad babysits Katsuki’s daughter? 

♡ ྀ     i like you a latte. (Coffee Shop AU! Headcanons)

♡ ྀ what they would be like as disney princes

♡ ྀ their wedding day with you

♡ ྀ the lovey-dovey things they do with you while you're both stuck at home during quarantine

♡ ྀ  the kinds of movies he’d watch with you.

♡ ྀ when he does the lip bite

♡ ྀ  when they read self-insert fanfiction of themselves

♡ ྀ cat ears or maid outfit?

♡ ྀ     how dekusquad + bakusquad comfort you after getting your heartbroken

♡ ྀ   mha boys accompanying you to buy lingerie

➸ Izuku Midoriya

Fics ↝

♡ ྀ  I will hold on to everything we got. A quitter, regretter and forgiver is everything I’m not.

(↳  unprompted and unexpected goodbyes are the worst. how are you going to be able to tell izuku the fact that you were moving away from the city that the two of you have lived in, grew up in, and soon became the place where the two of you fell in love with each other? how could you let this precious cinnamon roll go?)

♡ ྀ  she’s not afraid of scary movies, she likes the way we kiss in the dark.

( ↳  it is your weekly movie night with Izuku and co, but whilst waiting for your other friends, you and your boyfriend had the most wonderful idea of watching a gory horror movie.)

♡ ྀ as the world caves in

( ↳ no one else could ever carry the burden that Izuku holds in his hands. But when a girl from his past helps bring him to a realization, he begins to contemplate on whether or not sacrificing everything that you love to become a hero is worth it all.)

➸ Katsuki Bakugo

Cuddle Buddy! (Social Media AU)

Katsuki’s Convenience (Social Media AU)

Fics ↝

♡ ྀ  thank god for plot twists like you.

( ↳  Katsuki barges in your dorm room after class to see you crying in your bed with your phone in your hand… but why exactly?)

♡ ྀ  the s in studying stands for sexy times (implied smut!)

( ↳  katsuki is helping you study for your finals. but to no avail, none of the articles you were reviewing were processing inside your mind at all. until, katsuki had thought of a great idea to help you study. a spicy one at that.)

♡ ྀ  you fell from the sky into my lap (smut)

(  ↳  You and Katsuki become one as the two of you get in the mood with the music on his Spotify playlist.)

♡ ྀ  my world is changed and it’s cradled by the comfort that is you.

(  ↳  After receiving a quarterly report on the status of your hero internships and as a 3rd year student of UA Academy, your day is ruined as soon as you began to read it’s contents. Your explosive boyfriend does not want to see you like this. But how can he possibly cheer you up?)

♡ ྀ   like the soul of honey 

( ↳ Christmas finally approaches and your daughter, Hikari, can’t wait to spend it with the best parents ever.)

♡ ྀ  you got questions, i got answers tonight, babe. (smut!)

(  ↳ you and the bakusquad drag bakugo to a short vacation after such an intense week of hero work, much to his annoyance. however, his stress and pent up energy was more than you expected, so you knew exactly how to release all his frustrations.)

♡ ྀ  fix you. (studio ghibli au! princess mononoke au!)

(  ↳  Katsuki Bakugo is the righteous yet arrogant village prince of the east. The entire village relies on him for protection and for guidance, further inflating his ego. however, after a cursed boar attacks him and the curse is passed on to him as a poisonous mark on his arm, slowly consuming him until he becomes a demon himself. he is exiled without hesitance from his village and is to go on a journey to look for a cure, a journey he might never come back from. With the help of two of his most trusted allies, he embarks on a journey to look for the gods of the forest in where he meets a girl (just as striking as him) who brings him back down to earth, saves him and make him experience a true life worth living.)

♡ ྀ  25 lives (time traveler au!)

(  ↳  After losing the love of his life in a brutal villain incident, Katsuki Bakugo had lost a part of him. Nothing and no one could ever bring her back. He became the shell of a person he once was; fiery, bright, and the driven #2 Pro-hero in the country. He continues to live life with guilt, all hope still lost until he is gifted a time device that can transport him to parallel universes, dimensions and alternate worlds, where he begins his quest to find his lost love. Crossing a hundred of realities and living twenty-five lifetimes just to bring her back into his arms. )

♡ ྀ to the most explosive boy i’ve ever loved before

(  ↳  six letters. one for every boy you’ve ever loved. The letters for your eyes only, filled with all the words you could never say. until, one day, they start appearing out of nowhere into your life again, and your love life goes from imaginary to out of control.)

♡ ྀ  lovesick girl

(  ↳  your planned birthday surprise for katsuki takes a turn for the worst when you’re suddenly struck by a cold, prompting your dynamite boyfriend to take care of you and shower you with love and affection on his special day.)

♡ ྀ nicotine and faded dreams  (smut!)

(  ↳  Fame. Success. Glory. Bakugo’s had and seen it all, being a part of one of the biggest bands in the world. All he’s ever wanted was (Y/N), who comes back into his life just in time for the last leg of the band’s European tour. Bakugo thought that after making it big he wouldn’t have to face the muse for their most successful song any time soon. But a trip to Venice organized by scheming band mates has him stuck in a car with that very same muse. or Rock bands, a love Bakugo’s been trying to run away from and a cleverly schemed road trip: what could go wrong?)

♡ ྀ the morning afterglow

(  ↳ basking in the hues of wonderment that is the morning sun with your explosive boyfriend by your side was truly a dream. lingering in the bed much longer was an absolute must. these are one of those days.)

➸ Todoroki Shoto

Fics ↝

♡ ྀ  when you kiss me, heaven sighs.

( ↳  you and Shoto arrive in the city of love.  the day seems perfect until things go awry.)

♡ ྀ   a love like the movies

(  ↳    Shoto spends his only day of rest and relaxation by watching iconic tv shows and sitcoms with you.)

♡ ྀ   my youth is yours.

( ↳  shoto todoroki entered college with one thing in mind; be able to graduate and follow in his family’s footsteps. however, college had different plans for him. and meeting the one he would spend the rest of his life with was one of them.)

♡ ྀ merry go round of life (studio ghibli au, howl’s moving castle au)

( ↳ shoto todoroki is a magical prince who yearns for freedom. with the entire country against him, and the freedom he ever so wanted barely in his grasp- he seeks solace in a girl who works in a hat shop. she was his comfort in days full of disaster and war. and ever since then, he has finally found a reason to live.)

♡ ྀ something in the rain 

( ↳  you and shoto were once childhood best friends and sweethearts who had lost touch and communication. 12 years has passed since then, and on a fated summer day in june, there was something in the rain that brought two lost souls back to each other’s arms.)

  ♡ ྀ  are you feline what i’m feline? (smut!)

( ↳ blessed with a quirk that can temporarily transform any human being into any living thing they want through the means of potions and concoctions, you brew up a cat girl potion to surprise shoto for your second year anniversary. however, some accidents and mishaps happen, and you’re welcomed home by a handsome cat boy instead.

♡ ྀ  if i could tell her

( ↳  in where shoto todoroki is hit by a sudden realization that the love of his life was right in front of him all along and all it takes is for her to cross the crossroads for him to finally realize.)

♡ ྀ written in the stars

( ↳ shoto takes you out on a special date. a date that entailed love in all it’s bare simplicity. love in all it’s highs and lows, and love that is worth being written in the stars.)

➸ Eijiro Kirishima

Fics ↝

♡ ྀ  I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover.

(  ↳ It is your 1st year anniversary with Kirishima. With no idea how celebrate it, Kirishima asks for the aid of Bakusquad and they have very interesting ideas and plans to say the least. Will he succeed and plan a perfect surprise for you?)

[courageous-she]

Happy Birthday- Charlie Gillespie

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Requested: Yes. 

Hey, I love your work. I was wondering if you could do a chapter with Charlie Gillespie? It's the reader's birthday and Charlie wishes them, something like that? Something romantic and cute! I love your work, keep it up! Have a nice day!

Word Count: 2095

Author’s Note: I hope I did your request justice!

Your birthday. Happened every year, and every year was just as simple as the last. You never expected much, each year you simply went out to dinner with a few friends, the few close friends you had anyway. When you moved to LA, you’d moved away from everything you knew. You moved from your family and your friends; you’d moved away from your comfort.

But you were chasing bigger dreams, and you were willing to give up all you were comfortable with to chase those dreams and make them reality. This meant, however, that your birthday became a small gathering as opposed to the large family celebration you’d become accustomed to. But you weren’t one to complain, and you were just thankful enough that you had made a few close friends in LA to celebrate each new year with. Your friends had become your family and you were so thankful to have each of them in your life.

“Hey, have you started planning out your birthday yet?” your friend Charlie asked. He was one of the first people you’d met in LA, ironically at an audition, and now one of your closest friends.

“Honestly? No, I haven’t put much thought into it. Not really sure if I’m even going to do anything this year. Maybe just movie night…” you replied, thinking about a chill night in with your friends. Charlie turned to face you from where he was sitting on the couch.

“You are absolutely not diminishing your birthday to a lame movie night!” He exclaimed, “We have to do something to celebrate, Y/N”

“It’s not that I don’t want to celebrate, Char, it’s just that birthday parties are a bitch to plan. And then to plan one for yourself…” Every year you took it upon yourself to plan your own party. In the beginning it was because your friends didn’t really know you too well yet. And then every year after that it just seemed easier to organize it all yourself. This year, however, you lacked the energy and motivation to do so.

“I’ll plan it” Charlie replied quickly. You turned your head to face him, eyes questioning his words. You really weren’t sure whether or not he was being serious, but you were going to give him an out either way.

“Charlie, you don’t have to do that. Really, I’m absolutely okay with chilling in my apartment and having a movie night” This was his out, if he was joking about planning a party, the conversation would end here.

“Well, that’s too bad because I’m planning you a party. Keep your eye out for further details” he winked at you. And with that his attention turned back to whatever was playing on the tv.

***** 

About a week later, you receive a text from Charlie. This wasn’t unusual seeing as the two of you communicated multiple times a day. What was unusual was the cryptic message Charlie had sent.

Char: Your birthday. 5PM. Easton’s on Whitney. Cocktail Attire ;)

You: Who say’s I’ll even show up?

Char: I’ll pick you up at 4:30 ;)

Welp, there it was. There was no way of avoiding whatever Charlie had planned for your birthday. Though deep down you were excited to see whatever he had planned, nobody had ever taken over your birthday planning. The fact that Charlie felt comfortable enough as your friend to take things into his own hands meant so much to you. With a dress code in place, you began to find an outfit, and with no luck, you headed out to the shops.

*****

As you put the finishing touches on your look for the evening, a soft knock sounded at your front door. Before you could even move to answer it, you heard the door unlatch and soft footsteps make their way to your bedroom. There Charlie stood in white shirt with a suit jacket over top, black bowtie, and black slacks with his signature black vans. His hair was long, but cleanly brushed back out of his face. He was holding five yellow roses in his hand.

“Happy Birthday!” he announced, beyond excited to take you along to the night he had planned for you. He made his was over to you, wrapping his free hand around your waist and placing a kiss on your head. You giggled into his chest, bringing your arms around to embrace him. Charlie pulled away, handing you the flowers.

“Thank you, Char” you said, taking the flowers and smelling the floral scent.

“They’re yellow, for uh- friendship” Charlie said, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, a shy smile on his face.

“They’re beautiful, I’ll have to find a vase to put them in later” you said placing the roses down onto your bed. “But for now, I’m ready to see what you have planned for my birthday!” Excitement evident in your voice.

“Good because I’m super excited to show you” he said, grabbing your hand and starting to pull you toward the door. You quickly grabbed your purse and followed along behind Charlie. After a short drive you made it to the restaurant. Having already known where Charlie was hosting your birthday, this wasn’t much of a surprise. What was going to be a surprise was the events that would unfold during the night. Knowing Charlie, it wouldn’t be just a simple dinner with friends.

Charlie pulled the door open for you, leading your through the small entry way with his hand on your back. As your eyes adjusted to the darker lighting of the small restaurant you were very quickly met with a loud “Happy Birthday!”

You stopped walking to take in the people in front of you. There stood your four other closest friends in LA. However, there were more people who made up the group celebrating you. As you looked further, you noticed a few of Charlie’s Julie and the Phantoms cast members who you’d become close with after he filmed the first season. Owen, Savannah, and Tori all stood waving at you from the table.

You turned toward Charlie, a smile plastered on your face and tears brimming in your eyes. Charlie looked down at you with the biggest smile on his face, happy that his first surprise of the night had been a success.

“Charlie, this is amazing! How did you even pull this off?” you asked, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Well, everyone had already been planning to celebrate your birthday, so that wasn’t hard. And Owen, Sav, and Tori all happened to be free this weekend. Mads and Jer send their best, they couldn’t come.” Charlie replied, pulling away from the hug and leading you to the table.

You went around the table greeting all of your friends, and especially thanking Owen, Savannah, and Tori for taking time out of their week to celebrate with you.

“Hey, I’m not one to turn down a good party, Y/N” Owen said, squeezing you into a hug.

“I honestly just had to see if Charlie could pull this off!” Savannah laughed, Tori quickly agreeing, “But no, for real, happy birthday!”

*****

Dinner with your friends was amazing. It was fun to introduce your LA friends with Charlie’s Julie and the Phantoms friends who were now your friends as well. The chaotic energy was radiating throughout the small restaurant.

Occasionally you felt Charlie wrap his arm around you on the top of your chair, his thumb rubbing small circles on your shoulder. You kept turning to him throughout the evening, shooting him a smile letting him know how grateful you were that he’d planned this all for you.

After saying goodbye to each of your friends at the close of the evening, you followed Charlie out to his car. His hand hovered over your lower back as he opened the door for you, placing your presents in the backseat of his orange Subaru.

You turned to the boy as he climbed into the driver seat. “I can’t thank you enough for tonight” you said, giving him a small smile.

“Well, don’t thank me yet, it’s not quite over” he replied, a smirk resting on his face.

“What else could you possibly have in store for me tonight, Gillespie?” you questioned, sitting up a bit straighter in your seat.

“That, I can’t tell you” Charlie finished, winking quickly in your direction before starting to drive.

*****

You’d zoned out during most of the drive, tired from the events that had already occurred tonight. You only began to focus in on your surroundings when you noticed the colorful lights illuminating the dark night. Charlie parked on the side of the road, the sound of the ocean quietly rushing coming from the nearby ocean.

“The pier?” you asked, getting out of the car. Charlie only smiled at you before grabbing your hand and leading you toward the colorful lights.

As the two of you got closer, you took in all the stalls. Some were carnival games; others were food vendors. Charlie stopped the two of you, taking both of your hands in his.

“I remembered something you told me when we first started hanging out.” Charlie said, nervousness evident in his voice, “You said that every year your hometown had a carnival around your birthday, and your family would take you. You said your favorite thing about the carnival was riding the Ferris wheel and seeing the world when you stopped at the top. You said it you felt like you could see everything from up there” He finished. Charlie hadn’t made eye contact with you while he said all this, but when he finished, he looked at you as if you were the only one around.

“I hadn’t realized you were listening.” You said, recalling the night you told Charlie that story, “I thought you had fallen asleep”

“I wasn’t sleeping” he replied bashfully, “I listened to every word. But I thought, to make your birthday even more special, we could continue that tradition?” Charlie asked, holding up two tickets. A smile grew on your face and you pulled Charlie in for a hug. You pulled the boy toward the large, spinning wheel, and got in line.

When it was your turn, you sat down in the small chair, scootching over to ensure Charlie had enough room. Charlie pulled the bar down over your laps and the wheel began to spin. Before the ride, Charlie had been sure to ask the attendant for a few extra minutes at the top, he wanted to make sure you had plenty of time to look at the world.

“You cold?” Charlie asked as the two of you reached the top.

“A little. The breeze is a lot colder up here.” And without hesitation, Charlie removed his dress coat and placed it over your shoulders. You pulled your arms through, wrapping it around your torso. Charlie wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest to help warm you up.

“This has really been the best birthday; I can’t thank you enough Char.” You confessed, looking up at the blue-eyed boy.

“You deserve to be treated like royalty on your birthday, Y/N” he said, voice low. You noticed the way he was looking at you, different from how he normally looked at you. “You deserve to be treated like this every day.” His eyes flickered toward your lips but quickly made their way back to your eyes.

“That would be a bit much, don’t you think?” You asked, giggling at the thought. Charlie chuckled at your light heartedness, however, still somehow remaining serious and sticking to his plan. If he didn’t, he might never do it.

“Not for you” he whispered, slowly moving his lips mere inches away from yours. You inhaled sharply, anticipating his next move. His lips landed on your gently and hesitantly, waiting to see if you would pull away. When you didn’t, he moved his hand to cup your cheek, deepening the kiss.

You pulled away, chest heaving at the lack of oxygen. Charlie looked at you with nervous and expectant eyes. You looked back at him, a smile slowly making its way across your lips, quickly pulling him in to another kiss.

This time Charlie pulled back, resting his forehead against your own.

“Happy Birthday, Y/N”

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi Dear Jalebi, I demand your analysis :)   What are your thoughts on IPKKND might have some typical track if the audience, TRP, actors departure didn't influence it otherwise? Let me explain, IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced. Then, I read that, Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup???

Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track? Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

Hello Dear Analysis Anon!

I am going to over answer this with a lot of detail because I have a lot of thoughts, as always! Time to get into my thinking cape/coat:

This analysis is going to cover:

(1) every example you just mentioned,

(2) my thoughts on external things affecting plot of the story,

(3) things/plots/ tracks that could've been if not for external factors

Examples

1) IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced

As far as I can remember from one of the writers' interviews, the office track was cut short because this was a show on Star Plus - which, as a channel, caters to 'family audience' therefore needs to have sanskaar and stuff at its core. Hence the rude shortening of the office track and weird 'makeover' and 'desi-dying' Lavanya. And hence we had a very weird four months of an eighteen-twenty years old Khushi teaching someone about sanskaars and suddenly knowing everything about a household when Bua-ji or even Payal would've been a more apt choice for this 'tutoring'.

If this was a Star One show, they might've not shifted out of the office for the longest time!

2) Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup??? Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track?

I did not know that's why the quick end happened. Honestly that happened perfectly. I think Lavanya had an inkling about their relationship heading south right when Arnav told everyone he's getting engaged to her. But she chooses to not see it until one day she couldn't. Maybe we could've gotten more from La but if you see carefully, La clearly knows that this relationship is now just for face. Bless her heart for trying though, trying with a smile!

Also, again I think the writers never thought of making Lavanya a vamp. They had enough material with Arnav-Khushi's own differences, Shyam and Buaji playing enough roles to mess up Arnav-Khushi's love story. I probably think they always had planned Lavanya as a beautiful person who was unintentionally caught in all of this. I feel they planned La and Khushi's friendship - they clearly enjoyed writing two completely different people becoming closest of friends.

The writers/creators deserve full credit for this.

3) Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

This is all true.

My Thoughts on External Things Affecting Plot

It's not necessarily bad that external things affect plot. Feedback, from channel or fans, can help the show to pivot and understand what is working and what's not. The problem is when feedback is implemented regardless whether or not it matches the theme of the plot.

I loved:

1) The channel moving out of the office because the power dynamic was too great and the contract terms were very unhealthy and Arnav Singh Raizada deserved to get sued at least 10 times by the end of this contract so yes, the shorter the office track the better. Literally the saving grace is they didn't "fall in love" there.

2) The fans protesting against Didi Ki Saut track. Not because I hated the track - I think it was executed in the worst manner! From identical visual languages to show Arnav-Anjali and Arnav-Khushi scenes (which didn't work to show Arnav being equally torn between the two most important women in his life, but just made the audience get creeped by Arnav-Anjali's relationship) and writing scenes of Anjali getting offended by Arnav-Khushi's intimacy/Arnav spending time with his wife, on her birthday, in his bedroom... did she expect Khushi would just *disappear* in a her and Arnav's bedroom? Like that was the worst way to show a compelling plot line and giving people some weird thoughts about Anjali-Arnav (which I hate because I LOVE Anjali-Arnav).

3) Barun walking out when the plot was literally done. Yes, thank you!

4) Barun going to do a movie led to the kidnapping track, which I liked a lot. No, not the nonsense of Manorama Bond fishing out Delhi's security camera footages in vintage recording system - but the fact that given the chasm and angst between Arnav & Khushi, only something bigger than their misunderstanding could force Arnav to give weight to his feelings and for Khushi to be able to forgive him. And his life was at stake. It was a sharp reminder to both of them that they lost so much by not communicating that it doesn't matter what they had to say - they loved each other, they just needed to get back and fight off everything together.

And then again, there are things I HATED that happened because of external factors:

1) The channel for the whole La becomes Desi. And the overdose of sanskaar and tradition that followed for a few months *uggggh* Clearly the channel demanded this from the plot because family, traditions and all are important to Star Plus (wtf are they thinking for Ghum Hai Kisi Ke? though or YRKKH?) And even the Aarav track and Mrs. India - two tracks with terrible execution - were very Star Plus recommended content. Just now Saath Nibhana Saathiya 2 had a Mrs. Surat/Gujarat track and Yeh Hai Chaahatein had a miracle child popping up...

2) The fans demanding Arnav & Khushi's proximity. The whole hut scene was *noooooo*. Lack of consent, body doubles, GLARING logical loopholes and them just trying to do it when one of them is really not in the mood and they were both so out of character. @phati-sari explains this really well in her post (just search for the hut to get all relevant posts on her blog)

3) Barun? Not exactly - he's never in control of the plot so really it's the writers that kinda know what to do with his presence and absence. Even if they get a short time, it's upto the creators who know if they use the last 2-3 weeks for stretching a random track as much as they can and give a rushed ending or quickly wrap up a crap track and give a satisfactory ending. A good example of this is Lavanya's exit - although rushed was dealt with grace, important conversations and memorable hugs. Bad one is the end of the show - I know Barun gave his papers but I wish they went the La way with the end of the show - important convos, teary hugs and a sweet moment (they tried their best tho...)

It's an ITV trend though to not plan for the end of a show... they stretch a crappy track as much as they can and have like a 2 min epilogue. Kasautii 2.0 was the funniest cause they had all misconceptions cleared, Komolika and Mr. Bajaj die and then have a weird 2 min pillow fight to show 'happy family'... guess in that way I'm glad we had whatever we did with IPKKND!

Possible Tracks Then

So if external factors didn't influence the show, we might have had the following:

1) A longer office track. It would end the way it did in canon though. I think it was prewritten that at one point Khushi would tear up the contract and hold him accountable for everything Arnav did. Just instead of 3-4 days it would've been 10-15 days after the contract.

2) Didi Ki Saut track. Honestly that was compelling if executed right. Sometimes you can have an antagonist without becoming a villain, Anjali the perfect character for that.

3) A separation track. I'm pretty sure Arnav-Khushi could have separated at some point in their six months marriage - this is just my inkling and not something I heard in an interview unlike the above two. If given full reign to writing, we probably would've gotten an angst heavy stuff at some point post marriage/6 months.

4) A remarriage track sans Dadi. We know why Dadi was introduced (honestly I didn't mind her, it was a track done well and kinda to redeem Arnav in front of the public eyes. It's a perfect track cause Arnav is 'nice' for standing up for her and kinda heals the wounds he caused in the first few months of the marriage by retorting someone who tells Khushi everything he told her...) But anyway I do think a remarriage was in the works, not because of TRPs but the way their whole 'marriage' was framed and how Khushi was broken because of the lack of everything in it. And they deserved one w/o the devastation that night brought.

5) The 'marriage' would've been a live in. Arnav and Khushi's elopement was supposed to be darker in nature*. Their 'marriage' would've had no religious nor legal validity, therefore a stark contradiction to everything Khushi stood for... but you can't have that in ITV. *By dark I don't mean sexual violence - never.*

6) The whole IPKKND was meant to be darker. I am glad for the romantic comedy though! I think their balance of angst and comedy pre marriage was perfect! Not sure post marriage because it felt like a loop of going back to square one with no progress. But I think things were meant to be less subtle, more tragic and dramatized. So I think we could've gotten extremely angsty periods post marriage with a slow, gentle lull to the romance/comedy. While I am extremely glad for the lightheartedness, I wish I could've read what the whole original concept for Arnav/Khushi was!

7) Arnav revealing the truth to Khushi would've been different. We know the distasteful suicide track quickly came as a way to push Arnav's buttons and have him confess the truth of his elopement to Khushi. And that came from Barun going away - hence the quick kidnapping track and everything. So if Barun didn't go away, I honestly don't know how the revelation would happen. Would Arnav start piecing things together from information and things about Shyam in Laxminagar? Would Arnav end up helping and hospitalizing Shashi who would tell him the truth? Would Arnav come across any hidden wedding card Buaji could've had printed for Shyam-Khushi or even Shyam's fake kundili? Given the Gupta house wasn't the place where Shyam covered his tracks... was this where Arnav would start seeing things? Or guilt ridden, would Garima/Khushi/Madhumati tell Arnav the truth? Something was meant to happen for this revelation, whether it's Arnav believing Khushi or just getting further evidence against her - I... don't know! I wish I knew what the writers had in store.

We highly appreciate for not showing a typical Nanand against Bhaabi trope, also for not making La villain, but would it result differently if things didn't have a hand? Imma cry thinking Anjali jealous and La villain! meh!  What a feast for the eyes it was to see ONLY ONE VILLAIN and less negativity in a tellywood show. Baas bohut hua my casual verbiage. By demand I mean no pressure, please take your valuable time and reply whenever you feel like it.Take Loads of Care and Chocolates your way <3

I hope the above answered all your queries :) Thank you for all the chocolates and care!!!

Phew this was rather long! A big hug to anyone who went through it! See ya later!

- Jalebi

[whaleofatjme1920]

hi!! these match up things seemed really sweet and fun and if its all good id love to submit a thing!! with creepypasta if that alright! no nsfw please, just the romance stuff! :]

my name is Kris and im a Capricorn, my birthday is actually next month- ill be 19 then! :O I use they/them pronouns and im bisexual!

I'm an freelance illustrator and im in a local community college working for a degree in fine art and business. I'm a huge fan of body modification though !! I love tattoos and plan on splitting my tounge, stretching my ears, and if the procedure was safer I would love to tattoo my eyes.

I'm extremely empathic, while its great for understanding others struggles, its difficult for me to stay calm and rational. because of that I often avoid talking to people and get overwhelmed very quickly, which I know can upset the people I interact with. however I very much enjoy quiet quality time! I often find myself doing a lot of the planning for events, while its stressful i like having control and knowing what's going to happen. I'm not a huge fan of surprises! im a loyal person, its failed me in the past, especially forgiving when I shouldn't have, but if there's someone I love im going to stick by until the bitter end. my love language is definitely words of affirmation or physical touch !! really depends on how im doing, sometimes I cant stand touch :[. I'm also very proud of my hair, I enjoy cutting and dying it very much!! ive had every colour in my hair, and currently its short and black. not exactly on purpose- I accidentally slipped with a razor and buzzed a line down the middle of my head ... I'm also 5'4! I wish I was taller though, so I usually wear small platformed boots and clothes that elongate me a bit! ive got some sick dark green and black cargo pants I like to sew fun patches on :]

I love dusk and stargazing, and purple is my favourite colour! and i seriously love sitting down and watching movies, regardless of how good or bad they are. my favourite animal is a bear, I own a jade bear necklace that was gifted to me on my birthday a few years ago- I wear it everyday. I also collect anything related to bears! especially teddy bears. I currently have a soft pullover with bears on it, its my favourite pullover rn!! I also love graphic novels, I own a small collection of them along with some cool rocks and skulls ive found.

sorry if this wasn't in-depth enough !! im a little nervous, i haven't been able to engage in a lot of the old things im interested in! people are very judgey :[[ I hope you're having a wonderful day/night!!

Your matchup is... Puppeteer!

[Disclaimer, if you're coming from the tags, this is part of a special event I am holding from November 17th to the 21st where I am accepting matchups from all fandoms I currently write for. Feel free to check out my 1K celebration masterlist here for rules during the window this event is open! If it's past the 21st midnight USA central time, do NOT send me a matchup. I will have to politely turn you down. Sorry </3]

In General

I actually wanted to answer this last night but it took me a few to actually place you? I wanted you with Toby, or with maybe even BEN but I actually really like you and Jonathan together and well, I'm going to explain that now.

Things He Likes About You

SO, right to the most obvious thing that made me want to pair the two of you together was the art. Jonathan is an artist through and through, mostly through physical crafts and poetry. He loves that you're into body mods and will absolutely compliment the new things you do, such as piercings, tattoos (he'd love to design one if you'd let him-), and thinks splitting your tongue is SO COOL. If the procedure was safer, he'd joke about you getting your eyes done gold to match his lmfao. Finds you being empathetic oh so sweet. Your loving, sweet nature makes him naturally drawn to you that he has to actively remind himself that you are off the table from people he normally siphons from - he would never hurt you. Jonathan loves the dusk and evening an stargazing. I'll come back to this though. Thinks that you loving bears is adorable. BUT that leads me to the next section.

You Two as a Couple

This man, after finding out about your love of bears, is going to get you one of those giant CVS bears lmfao. He'll also pick up graphic novels for you from time to time, and little pieces of jewelry he thinks you might like for your piercings depending on your style and what not. I would say Jonathan's love languages are words of affirmation an quality time - but, like hey, I think he's pretty good at physical touch. He will call you so many sweet things, how much he loves you, little compliments, like he writes poetry for you he's such a sofite. The two of you have little art dates, teach him about certain things and he'll teach you other things as an exchange. It's really sweet. Soft evenings, drinking good things. He loves your hair, finds the story kind of silly but he likes it. Jonathan is into stargazing because he got bored over a summer and learned the constellations. Found a deep love for the night, and looks at the stars like golden threads. He'll spend those times with you by pointing out the stars, their names, their stories. Jonathan knows that you're a loyal person, and he will never betray that. Jonathan can absolutely stay in rational thought and is mostly logical, but like, if you're ever overwhelmed he will handle it. He wants you to be in a sound state of mind, y'know? Jonathan will also help you plan things, really anything to ease your mind. He's really perceptive to other people and their feelings, so I feel he can read you really, really well. I feel Jonathan would also want to dye your hair at least once because he has a really good eye for colors. I don't actually see any clashing here because Jonathan kinda likes handling things?? He's not really controlling or anything, knows when to give you your space, and generally meshes with you pretty well. He's also kinda tall, so he appreciates that you wear the platforms to he can give you smooches, like on your cheeks, lips, but mostly the crown of your head! New otp ngl.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things

Hi love bug, what a pleasure it was doing a matchup for you! You wrote me a lovely amount, and I'm so sorry people are rude/judgey. I love that your whole thing is bears, they're such fantastic creatures. ALSO, the eye tattoos are so cool, but the risks make me :( I digress, lots of love to you and I hope you enjoyed <3

[politalysis]

# What has happened to JK Rowling?

Growing up in the early 2000s immediately made Harry Potter a huge part of your childhood. Even if you never read the books or watched the films, you can probably name the three main characters. Even if you weren’t interested in Harry Potter in the slightest, you probably know your Hogwarts house. It’s incredible what Harry Potter did for our generation all over the world. Children would stay up on their eleventh birthdays anxiously awaiting a Hogwarts acceptance letter, knowing full well that owl was never going to come. Our imagination kept the dream of going to Hogwarts and learning magic alive anyway. Even now at the age of 23, I can for the most part keep a conversation flowing with anyone who has read the books or even just watched the films. You could even go as far as to say it was our generation’s Lord of the Rings.

JK Rowling came from very humble beginnings. She suffered with depression in her childhood and early teens, and lost her mother to multiple sclerosis in 1990. These struggles inspired her a lot when writing Harry Potter. She channeled her grief and pain into her writing. In 1992, she married a man she had met whilst living in Portugal, but Rowling suffered domestic abuse at his hands and the couple separated a year later. She lost her job and moved to Edinburgh in Scotland, where she had to sign up for welfare benefits, which left her a poor and depressed single mother spending her time writing in coffee shops. When she finished writing Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, twelve publishers rejected the opportunity to publish the book. Once someone finally agreed to publish the book, it became the best selling children’s book of the year.

We all know how the story goes from there. Rowling wrote six more Harry Potter books, eight films were made, and Rowling went from a poor vulnerable single mother to a multi millionaire in the space of a few short years. Harry Potter is now a global brand estimated to be worth about $15 billion. The last four books have each consecutively set the record for the fastest selling book in history. Rowling is now the richest author in the world, with a net worth of $92 million. But as well as money, JK Rowling has over 14 million followers on Twitter. This gives her massive influence as well as money. Rowling seemed to initially use this influence for good, spreading mental health awareness, LGBT inclusivity, interacting with fans and creating a website for all us Harry Potter fans to determine our houses and let our wands choose us.

I remember being 8 years old when Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was released, and I was attending a religious school where some parents complained and called to ban Harry Potter over the controversial decision JK Rowling made regarding Dumbledore’s sexuality. Rowling had made the claim that Dumbledore was gay. Looking back, the controversy was ridiculous and I can only imagine how embarrassed some of those parents must be. I also remember as I got older, re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I noticed more that the emotion behind Dumbledore’s relationship with Grindelwald was one he held with a romantic love. So years later, when several members of the LGBT community attacked Rowling for only deciding Dumbledore’s sexuality after the books were written, I publicly defended her with my knowledge that that simply wasn’t true. I had this image of Rowling in my mind, that she had always been on the right side of this debate. She had always been inclusive and supportive of LGBT people as far as I could see, and I just didn’t understand the issue. Rowling had always expressed a centre-left political perspective, and although I didn’t agree with all her views, they seemed relatively uncontroversial.

When Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was released, I hated it. It was a literary disaster, completely disrespectful of the original book series, the characters were a shell of the characters we had grown up with, the plot was almost deliberately ridiculous and overly elaborate and I immediately dismissed it as not canon. I have never forgiven JK Rowling for publicly stating the book was canon. She almost destroyed a whole two decades of her own hard work and the franchise that she’d built that had been like a home for a whole generation. All because she wanted to grab a few extra quid for a terrible book she didn’t even write. To this day I can’t help but wonder if she has even read the book. If I had written the masterpiece that is Harry Potter, I would view the Cursed Child as an insult. Perhaps I’ll even write a review one day, just for fun. Rowling also annoyed me by going back on her story, regretting pairing Ron and Hermione together and not pairing Hermione with Harry. Ron and Hermione are my favourite couple from the story, and their relationship had so much meaning. I couldn’t believe that the author who wrote such a clever and consistent relationship between two beloved characters could ever regret it. At this point in my life, I was beginning to wonder if perhaps Rowling was losing her mind. It was almost like she was trying to destroy her legacy.

As more years passed, the Fantastic Beasts films were released. The first film looked promising, but the second film was yet another disaster. Again, it was inconsistent with the franchise as we knew it, for some reason Hogwarts was full of people wearing 3 piece suits instead of the robes they wore in the Harry Potter series and Minerva McGonigall appeared as a teacher despite the fact that canonically there is no way she could have been old enough. The film was a disaster with both fans and critics hating it. Amongst this mess came controversy in December 2019. Rowling lost all respect she had once held amongst the transgender community when she made a public statement supporting Maya Forstater, a British woman who lost her employment tribunal case against her employer who fired her over transphobic comments. Six months later on June 6 2020, Rowling criticised the term “people who menstruate” and stated: "If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives." Rowling’s views on these issues were heavily criticised by GLAAD and even by the actors from the Harry Potter movies including lead actors Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson.

Rowling published a 3,600 word essay in response to the mass criticism of her views four days later. The essay did her no favours, as she wrote: “When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.” She seemed to be suggesting that trans women are often just men disguised as women in order to trick or even harm other women. This obviously angered the transgender community even more, and women’s refuge shelters that allow trans women were reporting no rise in violence as a result, children’s charities that support gender non conforming children were criticising Rowling, she was being made to give back awards and ultimately Rowling was labelled a Trans exclusionary radical feminist, a term often abbreviated to TERF.

JK Rowling is the perfect example of how money and influence can make someone forget their roots so easily. For someone who survived poverty, domestic abuse and sexual assault, she is so lacking in self awareness and how the things she has said and done can be harmful to transgender people. It is widely reported that transgender women are at more risk of harm in female restrooms than cisgender women. With acceptance becoming the norm, transgender people are feeling more safe to come out now than ever before, and so the rise in numbers of the community is huge, especially amongst our generation who grew up with Harry Potter. For a young transgender teenager to grow up wondering how Hogwarts would accommodate them, only to hear the author who gave us Hogwarts in the first place disapprove of equal rights for transgender people, must be very disheartening. However, JK Rowling has proven that she has no idea how powerful the legacy her books created really is. She was tasked with following up the Harry Potter series, and what she gave us was inconsistent and very poorly written screenplays. I have read better sequels on tumblr. Lots of them. Hogwarts doesn’t belong to JK Rowling, it belongs to the fandom. And I’ll be willing to bet my last penny that if Professor McGonigall witnessed any bullying of transgender students in her classroom (or indeed the girls bathroom!) she’d absolutely defend the victim without a moment’s hesitation. Hermione would decorate the Gryffindor common room with little blue, pink and white flags in support of a transgender first year who’d just been sorted into Gryffindor. Luna Lovegood would sit and befriend any trans student who looked lonely, and Ginny would dish out a bat bogey hex to anyone who dared pick on them. No matter what JK Rowling thinks, Hogwarts is not hers to ruin. It is ours. Regardless of what makes us different, Hogwarts is our home.

[sabraeal]

Sic Semper Monstrum, Chapter 5

[Read on AO3]

Written for @vfordii​‘s birthday which was....five months ago. BUT LISTEN, it’s still better than last year’s six months so like...improvement. IMPROVEMENT.

“You know why I called you here.” The Marshal’s voice is soft, barely louder than the hum of the fluorescents. “I presume.”

Shirayuki catches herself at the edge of her seat, chest pitched forward, neck craning to decipher every word and--

She settles back with a frown. Even a PhD isn’t a defense to the cheapest tactic on the pop-psych bookstore self-help shelf, it seems. Worse, Izana knows it, his mouth tipped so subtly toward a smile. And now he knows she knows it, and--

Her mug has gone cool, but it’s at least a credible distraction, a convenient way to buy some time and save face. Not something she ever expected she’d care about. Doesn’t mean she won’t take the opportunity.

“Zen.” The ceramic clacks like a shot as she sets it down. “You want to talk about the drift.”

“Yes.” He breathes, long and labored. “And no. I want him back in the cockpit.”

Come see me at your earliest convenience, his email had said, practically polite by PPDC standards. Manners atrophied when a body spent so much time in the higher altitudes of the chain of command.  I’d like to discuss a few things with you.

She’d known what this would be about. What it was always going to be about. And still--

Shirayuki is still disappointed. “You have to be joking. It took him three years to get him into a jaeger at all, and you want to just...push him right back in.”

“No,” he hums, fingers still and steepled over his desk. “I want you to do it.”

There are rules of engagement for tangling with the Marshal. Voices are to be kept low, steady. Think before speaking. Don’t react. Showing an emotion in front of Izana Wisteria would be as good as handing him a rope to hang her with. “I’m not his commander.”

His fingers knit, knuckles popping in the silence-- “I know that, Doctor.”

Her own are curled into fists; at least then he can’t see them shaking. “Then I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

“I wouldn’t presume to tell you how to do your job,” he tells her, with only a pause for breath before he does. “I am merely suggesting that it is far past time to remove the kid gloves you have been handling him with.”

Her fists clench, hard enough to leave vivid crescents in the meat of her palms. “I believe I’m the judge of that.”

“Of course.” Every word drips with insincerity. “But I’m sure a little encouragement from you would--”

“I’ll do what’s necessary for the health of my patient,” she informs him, words clipped. “You’re not my commander.”

Izana stills, gaze riveted to her. “I am well aware of that, doctor. But I need him in a jaeger yesterday.”

“You’ve needed him in a jaeger for the past three years.” Shirayuki bolts to her feet, and oh, if only she could locate at least another foot of height, she might be able to finally have the high ground in one of these arguments. “I don’t see what the rush is now.”

His voice doesn’t raise above a pleasant chat, but bitterness weighs down every word. “You should.”

Shirayuki doesn’t believe in violence. Or rather, violence is a choice, and she doesn’t believe in choosing it unless no other option remains that causes less harm, but, well--

She’s got a very short list of people who deserved a black eye, and Izana Wisteria sorely tempts her to put his name on it. “What do you mean by that?”

The Marshall is all tense lines behind the battlement of his desk, a buttress against the fall. “Aren’t you a part of K-Science?”

The only distinction that mattered in the dome was between combatants and non; that a licensed therapist fell more into the ‘administration’ box rather than ‘research scientist’ was the least of their concerns. At least as far as the placement of her office. “Tangentially.”

“Well then.” His tension washes away like debris after the storm. “It’s all in the numbers.”

Shirayuki has been trained extensively in conflict resolution, in effective communication, in managerial manipulation, and still, still-- annoyance dogs her every step, nipping at her heels as she loses herself in the dome’s labyrinth of corridors. For once it would be nice to leave the Marshal’s office with something more like a sense of purpose and less like a reprieve in shoving boulders up a muddy hill in Tartarus, but this far into her tenure with the PPDC, she knows better than to hope for impossible asks. It’s not a new feeling by any means-- there’s certainly a hole worn in her heart for just this sort of fruitless anger and a monkey on her back with Izana Wisteria’s face, but he’s certainly devised an entirely new way to get her hackles up today.

Long limbs insinuate themself next to hers, a white-clad arm weaving its way around her elbow. She looks up-- not far-- into a pearl white, movie star grin.

“Well, well,” Yuzuri lilts, halfway between a drawl and singsong. “Someone’s looking stormy.”

Shirayuki doesn’t know how tall a person has to be to be considered thunderous, but if the crinkle to Yuzuri’s eyes are any indication, she’s well below the mark. “I was meeting with the Marshal.”

Yuzuri swings a single, impressed note. “Yeah, that’d do it. Or, I’d imagine it would. Not like he asks to see many of us in K-Science.”

Funny, she doesn’t say, since he’s so comfortable quoting your data. “You should probably count yourself lucky on that one.”

“Oh, yeah.” Yuzuri waves a hand, bangles jangling down her wrist. “Garrack handles him. Honestly, I think she enjoys the aggravation.”

Knowing Garrack like she does, Shirayuki certainly wouldn’t discount it.

Slender fingers flick out a sharp snap. “Hey, maybe you can send her the next time you need to deal with His Majesty. I’m sure she’d kill for a distraction just about now.”

“Oh, no! I’m-- I don’t need any help, it’s just...” She frowns, rifling through the satchel slung over her shoulder. She hardly has anything in it-- lip balm, her notes, a pack of tissues, her civilian identification, her wallet-- but still, her keys are shifted underneath the whole of her life, jingling just out of her reach.

It’s a metaphor, probably, but her love affair with literature is at too much of a standstill these days for her to bother unpacking it. Not when it’s probably going to end in her storming back into the Marshal’s office and demanding he show her some form of respect if he expects her to do her job.

Yuzuri’s mouth curls into a sly smile. “He’s top brass that’s used to having full grown adults ask how high rather than why?”

“That’s part of it,” she admits begrudgingly. “But it would also be nice if he could say what he means, instead of--youch!”

Metal teeth digging painfully into her palm, but she holds on anyway, dragging the ring right out, hair ties and all.

“Instead of...?” Yuzuri prompts, far too amused.

She heaves a sigh, plucking rubber bands off her hand. “Making it all some sort of...logic block word puzzle.”

Blonde brows slant skeptically. “I thought you loved those things.”

“For fun. Not for...” She waves a hand, keys jingling and brightly as Yuzuri’s bangles. “...Professional conversations. I’m not here for his entertainment. I don’t have time for-- for games!” 

“Not when you could be doing your actual job.”

“Right.” Her actual job, which has almost exclusively been managing Zen’s feelings regarding Izana for months now. “And now he wants me to...“

She hesitates, teeth sinking into her lip. Outside the dome, patient confidentiality is the backbone of her profession, but here, when everyone eats and breathes and lives on top of one another--

“Lemme guess,” Yuzuri drawls, “get that boy in a pilot seat?”

-- it’s impossible. “I just wish he would show some faith.”

“In you?”

“No.” That’s asking far too much from a man who has only ever trusted as far as the drift could take him. She heaves a sigh, flyaways fluttering in her peripherals. “In Zen.”

A laugh huffs out of Yuzuri. “That’s asking a bit much from an older brother, don’t you think?”

Shirayuki has never, strictly, had a sibling. Ryuu certainly straddles the line between friend, colleague, and family, but she’s never doubted his drive, or the rigorous course of his research. He wouldn’t be her first choice to stand in front of the PPDC committee and defend her findings, but in a pinch, she would trust him wholeheartedly, with no reservations, to do the job.

That does not seem to be the unifying sibling experience. “Is it?”

Yuzuri grins. “You are definitely an only child.”

She restrains her scowl to a disapproving frown. “Maybe, in this case, that’s a good thing.”

They turn down a corridor, and relief floods into her-- this is it, the hall that holds her office at the end. She takes a step forward, but Yuzuri holds her back, gaze fixed leagues away.

“Do you really think he’ll do it?” She blinks, eyes finally focusing down on Shirayuki. “You really think he’ll get back in that jeager?”

“Yes.”

Yuzuri recoils, blinking. “Wow, no hesitation on that one, huh?”

“None,” she agrees, a smile lingering at the edge of her lips. “I know Zen might be hurting right now after--” the most disastrous drift she’s witnessed in her entire career-- “everything, but he...”

She takes in a breath, putting her back to her door. “No matter what happens, Zen always does the right thing.” It’d been that unwavering moral compass that had drawn her to him, a shining bright light among the downtrodden heart of the dome. “He may need a little time to pick himself back up, dust himself back off, but he knows that one day, he’ll have to sit down and talk this out, not run--”

“But not today, it looks like.” Yuzuri’s hand darts right over her shoulder, plucking something off her door.

Shirayuki blinks, letting the yellowed square of paper come into focus.

Something came up. Rain check ~Z

She stares, fingers numb as she swipes the scrap out of Yuzuri’s hands.

“That sunovabitch,” she grits out, paper dinting beneath her grip. “He’s avoiding me.”

“So.” Yuzuri cocks her head, mouth stretching wide. “Wanna grab some grub?”

“I’m just saying.” Suzu’s hand scribbles across a napkin, dropping symbols more arcane than any rift. “If I could just get any of the brass to take a good look at this, things would be different.”

“Different how?” Kazaha drawls, accusation dripping from every word. At least, that’s how it sounds-- it hadn’t taken Shirayuki long to realize that’s just how the man speaks, every phoneme meant to cut glass. The asshole accent, Yuzuri calls it. “Does this somehow improve the quality of life in the dome? The world? The--?”

“It’ll certainly improve my quality of life if I don’t have to hear about it,” Yuzuri deadpans. “C’mon, we’re eating dinner. Let’s put the toys away.”

“It’s not a toy, it’s a tool,” Suzu grumbles, finishing it with a flourish. “And if we used it, we’d know when the kaiju would show up, instead of just waiting for them to wade into the Sea of China or whatever.”

That, at least, gets the team to bow their heads over it, passing around frowns and furrows alike.

“If that was the case,” Kazaha sniffs, pushing it away. “Garrack Gazelt would have already put this in front of the Marshal.”

Suzu scowls, yanking it back. “You know that none of those jarheads appreciate good science! Until I get this paired up with some pretty little graphs, I might as well be speaking Japanese.”

Izuru perks up at that. “Doesn’t the Marshal speak Japanese?”

“That’s besides the point.”

“Hm.” Ryuu squirms next to her, craning his head over the napkin. “I think you’re missing a variable.”

“Impossible.” Suzu stares down at it. “Just look here--”

Shirayuki glances down, letters and numbers do-si-doing between roots and over fractions. Izana might shove her office all the way down in K-Science, but that certainly didn’t give her the training to decipher this little bit of mathematical prognostication.

Suzu pitches forward, felt-tip pen rolling across his knuckles in a bit of sleight-of-hand she would have never thought him capable of. “--you’ll see that by putting ‘a’ over ‘n’ squared--” 

“All right.” Yuzuri’s fingers knit in the cotton of his button-down, dragging him back down onto the bench with a thump. “I think we’ve had quite enough of that.”

With a lift of his brows, Suzu’s face shifts from fox to puppy in eight muscles flat. “But, Yuzuri--”

“No buts.” Her fingers pluck the pen out of his, dropping it back into a pocket with a firm, warning pat. “Now, as I was trying to say: His Highness is avoiding you.”

Shirayuki blinks, gaze dragging up to where Yuzuri waits with an impatient smirk. “N-no! That’s not it at all. Something probably came up--”

“Izana’s avoiding you?” Suzu swings a wide, gaping stare at her. “Didn’t you just have a meeting today? What did you do to him?”

Her hands fly up, waving off the accusation. “Ah, no, I didn’t--”

“No, not His Majesty, His Highness,” Yuzuri corrects, blowing on a spoonful of the mess’s finest chicken noodle. “And he is avoiding you, which is bullshit.”

She has to bite her cheeks to keep her lips from peeling back into a grimace. “Zen has lots of work to keep him busy--”

“What work?” Kazaha scoffs, meticulously cutting his chicken into bite-sized pieces. “He’s a ranger without a co-pilot. It’s not like he can just jump into a jaeger and fight kaiju with half a working mecha.”

Yuzuri swivels toward him, hands held out with a level of emphasis Shirayuki can’t help but feel is more than the situation truly deserves. Especially since some of the rangers are starting to peer over their way. “See, even Kazaha knows it’s bullshit.”

His mouth purses into a tight frown. “I don’t know why it’s even Kazaha--”

Yuzuri’s brows make a dubious stretch toward her hairline. “I’m pretty sure you do.”

“--I’m very socially astute, even Shidan--”

“--just because he lets you out of the lab doesn’t mean you don’t offend people by breathing--”

“I dunno.” Suzu’s forehead furrows, tapping a spoon on each of his oyster crackers, drowning them in broth. “Zen seems like a real upright guy, you know? Forthright. If he had a problem, he’d say something, not just ghost you.”

Yuzuri stares at him. “He buys you one bubble tea, and now he can do no wrong.”

“Do you know how hard those are to get out here? He had to go all the way out to--”

Whatever else Suzu means to say, it’s lost in the siren.

This isn’t Shirayuki’s first time in the dome-- far from it-- but it’s never easy.

The siren’s moan shivers through the air, something she feels rather than hears. Her teeth rattle in her mouth, and there’s nothing she wants to do more than curl up beneath the table and ride it out, eyes squeezed shut and hands over her ears. She wouldn’t be the only one; already half of K-Science is on the ground, tears streaming down more than one ashen face.

Man’s worst enemy is fear. Grandpa had told her that, letting her dip her toes into the bay. She’d been small, young enough that she still wondered if kaiju might lurk under the surface, waiting to pull tasty little girls beneath the depths. Kaiju can only kill you once, but fear kills a hundred times. His hand sits heavy on her shoulder, a comfort, a cage; and she--

She gets up.

Pilots and personnel scramble; one tech stands up too fast, boot hooking on the bench’s edge and sprawling face-first into the floor. It’s only ranger reflexes that keep her from getting trampled, dodging around the splay of her fingers with a dexterity that would make Shirayuki’s jaw drop if she wasn’t trying to keep all her molars from jittering out of their sockets.

There’s a hand on her shoulder. She hadn’t just imagined it, a goad to get her standing. She traces the hand back, up ranger fatigues to dark hair, brows raised, and beneath them--

It’s violet eyes, not gold. Not Obi, but a ranger she’s never seen before, his mouth quirked with cold consideration.

“It would be safer,” he says, voice somehow Altantic-crisp over the cacophony, “if you stayed in your seat.”

Her mouth opens, working around the sounds to thank him, but he’s already gone, disappeared into the crowd of PPDC personnel around her. Shirayuki’s eyes shift over the mob, trying to-- to find him, maybe, or at least a face she knew, someone that she could talk to, someone to memorize one last time--

She finds one, silver-blond hair shimmering at the door, too pale to be anyone else. Zen. It’s Zen looking right at her, those deep blue eyes inscrutable, mouth carved into a line more grim than he’s ever shown her.

He turns away.

“It’s too soon, though,” Suzu murmurs, staring down at his napkin. The screens are on now, muted by the siren’s wails, and there’s a Kaiju on it, frill rigid around its reptilian face as it tears a city to twisted metal ribbons. It’s just buildings, streets, impossible to tell which one, but all that matters right now is not here.

“As I said,” Ryuu says, only just audible over the drone. “You dropped a variable.”

What hurts most, once her teeth stop rattling and her heart ceases to pound in her chest, is that Yuzuri is right-- Zen is avoiding her.

“The sessions are his choice.” Labeling tubes isn’t quite how Shirayuki had envisioned her evening going, especially with her mind half-away, pondering over the Pacific, but it’s something to do. “No one can force him to come.”

“Sounds like that’s half the problem,” Garrack mutters, forehead pressed to the hood, leaving a faint, oily smear across the glass. “Free will. Foils gods and men alike, doesn’t it?”

Her mouth pulls down at the corners, a bow stretched too tight, just like her patience. “I don’t want him to be forced. Therapy only works if the patient wants to change.”

Which, by Zen’s conspicuous absence, tells her he doesn’t. He’s happy as he is, wearing the fatigues but never getting in the cockpit, waiting for a copilot that’s already shown how little he cares about anything but lining his own pocket.

“Of course. You can lead a horse to water, but you’ll never make it drink.” It’s impressive to watch Garrack work; even in rubber sleeves, her grip never trembles, never slips. In the same position, Shirayuki can barely close a fist, but Garrack’s got the same dexterity in the hood as she does out of it. “Good thing you get paid regardless.”

Shirayuki flushes, heat pricking at her pride. “I’m not worried about that.”

“No, I wouldn’t think you are,” Garrack murmurs. “I’m just saying it’s nice. Salaried, with room and board to boot.”

Her frown falls further, flirting with a glower. “I’m aware that I’m in the unique position of not having to care in an official capacity if he bothers to come back. But personally--” her breath catches, stomach doing one, solid somersault-- “I do. I want him to want this.”

Garrack hums, not an agreement or judgement, but an acknowledgement. Tactic permission to proceed.

“Izana wants me to tells him to climb into a jeager, to use my-- our personal connection to manipulate him into the cockpit, regardless of what his personal feelings are.” Her breath rushes from her lungs, suddenly ragged, frayed at either end. “No, encourage. That’s what he told me. That it’s my job to do it for humanity.”

One thick eyebrow arches under Garrack’s cap, her eyes bright with interest. “And how do you feel about that?”

It’s strange being on the other side of this question, to be the analyzed instead of the analyzer. She squirms, teeth worrying at her lip, mind racing with possibilities.

“C’mon now,” Garrack chides, mouth hooking into a smirk. She picks up her rack, rattling the small tubes in their holes. “I gave you those for a reason. Idle hands are the devil’s playground, you know-- at least, that’s what people say when they’re afraid of what you’ll get up to if you start thinking.”

She tosses her a wink, ejecting the tip of her pipette into the trash before fitting on another. “Too bad they don’t know that drudgery clears your mind. Have all my best ideas when I’ve got a sharpie and a hundred two-mils to get through. So come on--” she grins, all conspiracy-- “tell me. What do you think of our illustrious leader’s idea?”

Her teeth click shut around her first opinion-- saying Izana Wisteria should go suck eggs would not only please Garrack far too much, but would be around the rest of the base by morning. The last thing she needs is the Marshal inviting her into his office and reading that off one of his hundreds of emails. “...Think that’s beyond my professional scope to comment on.”

“Oh please.” Garrack waves her off, one rubber arm flailing behind the glass. “I’m not asking you to issue a formal complaint about the marshal’s policies. I want to know if you think that kid should get in that steel coffin and kick the closest kaiju in whatever passes for their balls. If throwing another body at the breach is what’s best for humanity.”

“I...”

It shouldn’t be. There’s more rangers on this base than jaegers to fit them; one career pilot pulling back to fill the ranks shouldn’t be more than a drop in the bucket, a chair to fill. But this is no ordinary jaeger-- this is Rex Tyrannous, the most advanced piece of machinery to roll out of a PPDC facility before or since. Rebuilt from the same blueprint as the Mark I, reconfigured with the best technology the Mark III could offer, the Mark IV’s older, more deadly brother, and--

And the money for it hadn’t come out of Defense Corps coffers. No matter how many hopefuls washed up at the dome, the King of Kaijus wouldn’t come out of its box for anyone less than a Wisteria, not as long as at least one was still standing.

“Yes.” She spits the word out like poison, but still she feels unclean. “There’s no one else that can do what he needs to.”

Garrack’s mouth twists in a wry curve. “Then there you go.”

“It’s a conflict of interest!” Shirayuki insists, the sharpie in her hand shaking as she tries to form a 4. “If there was anyone on this base that had the credentials, I’d-- I’d put in the referral myself. He deserves someone that’s impartial--”

“Shirayuki.” With exaggerated care, Garrack pulls her arms from the hood, letting her hands fall down to her lap. “Do you think there is a single soul in this dome who could do the math you did and not be partial?”

Her mouth works, opening once, twice, before settling shut with a snick.

“I didn’t hire you because you lacked bias.” Garrack’s voice pitches low, softer than she’s ever heard her, knuckles white where they clasp her knees . “You wrote a paper about PTSD in rangers that lost a partner in the drift. A paper, might I add, that showed a great deal of knowledge in jaeger production and use. The sort of thing no one learns unless they’ve been locked up under a dome for years before being released in the wild.”

It’s not an accusation, not yet, but Shirayuki’s hands still anyway, clammy beneath latex.

“Because of that useless wall, we’re years behind in jaeger production.  We need new mechs, and Rex Tyrannous is the best model we got left, whether it’s been sitting in its box for half a decade or not. ” She settles back, brow arched. “But I don’t need to tell you that, now do I?”

No. Her fingers clench hard around the sharpie. She doesn’t.

“Shirayuki, I know you’re a good kid, but you do get to be selfish sometimes.” Garrack grins, too pleased at the prospect. “You’re human, just like the rest of us. There’s no one who doesn’t have skin in this game.”

“I know,” she murmurs. “But it’s my job to do what’s best for him as my patient, not just--”

Garrack snorts. “Oh, is the discontinuation of the human race not going to affect him?”

Shirayuki frowns, opening her mouth to-- well, to say something quelling, no doubt. But-- “Oh.”

Garrack hunches over her lap, forearms braced on her thighs. “I know the Wisterias put on a good show of being gods, but they’re flesh and blood like the rest of us. It doesn’t do anyone good for them to sit out the apocalypse. Not even themselves.”

“But, I...” She sets the tubes down, gloves crinkling into fists. “I don’t know what happened in the drift, just what the readouts said. It could have been a failure on Obi’s side just as much as his, and if they’re not compatible--”

“Then just ask him,” Garrack sighs, swiveling back toward the hood. “You don’t need to try to read minds.”

“But he’s not talking--”

“Not that Wisteria prick.” She chucks her chin toward the door, toward the vague direction of the dome beyond. “The other one. Seems like the real problem there might be getting him to stop talking.”

“Obi?” She blinks. He’s friendly, sure, but she wouldn’t say he’s been one to volunteer information.

“If that’s the one that’s down here every other day, talking my ears off with Suzu, then yes.” One rubber arm flails at her through the glass. “Now get out of here, and get those two little shits inside their tuna can before a Cat 5 can make it down the coast and make us regret it.”

When she steps into the hall, Shirayuki has every intention of following Garrack’s advice. It’s solid, after all; in a two-sided problem where one solution makes itself unavailable, the obvious answer is the best approach-- especially when in this labyrinth of a dome, there’s only so many places where he can hide.

She stops by the mess for a peace offering. Obi might be disposed to be friendly toward her at the moment, but she knows all too well how far good will will get her if she’s going to start rummaging around in things he’d rather keep cooped up behind that smile. Quality coffee and some contraband cookies might not mend the bridges she burns, but it’ll at least keep them standing while she’s walking over it.

It’s a good plan, a solid plan; she just doesn’t anticipate the company.

“Shirayuki.” Dark circles ring dark eyes, but Mitsuhide smiles just as warm as he always does, sprawled stiffly on the bench. “It’s good to see you.”

“I should be saying the same thing!” she gasps, her and her tea sliding in across from him at the formica table. “I thought you’d be out...” in your tuna can.

She bites her cheek, just hard enough to keep the words from spilling out. Sometimes she really, truly wishes she didn’t listen to Garrack quite as much; her mouth and Garrack’s words made a volatile mix. The sort that would get her a dishonorable discharge, if she weren’t a civilian-- or careful.

“We were. I mean, I was. Both Kiki and myself.” His body twists with a good, solid shake, eyes clearing. “Sorry, just had to exorcise the ghost. You know how it is.”

She doesn’t, but she does. There’s papers on the subject; reams of them-- Longevity of neural imprints in active rangers had been a favorite when she’d been in undergrad, as well as the far more entertaining, Ghost Drifting: How does one leave a ghost while still alive? It’s still novel to witness it, to see that spectral presence cling to the neural stem so long after--

“We just got back a little while ago.” He shifts, his right leg stretching long across the floor, knee bucking stiffly. “Kiki hit the rack, but I needed to, ah, take a walk.”

That’s his-- his good leg, as Kiki likes to call it, the half of him that becomes Redwood Dancer to pair with her left. That’s what makes them first line defense, even in an older Mark III; Kiki’s a real lefty, not one made by the drift. When Dancer throws a punch, both sides come full powered.

That’s what you get being the best of the best, Zen would say, envy and wistfulness thickening his voice, everyone knows they can count on you to serve.

That seems less like a good thing as Shirayuki sits across from it, watching the shadows shift in Mitsuhide’s eyes.

“Did you see it?” she asks, voice a whisper in the cavernous lair of the mess. “The kaiju?”

Mitsuhide grunts, shaking his head. “No, we were kept on standby. Got there after some of the boys in Hong Kong did, and they handled it.”

He doesn’t offer how well; she doesn’t ask.

“Ah,” she hums instead, hunching over her mug. “So it was out that way?”

“When they get that far down, yeah.” One of his large fingers wraps around the handle of his mug, bringing it to his mouth for a long, steady drag. “Not many wander out this way.”

“Alaska--”

“Yeah, there’s a few up north, and I think Seattle always has a good sweat when that happens, but...” His brows furrow, just a small wrinkle in the center of his forehead. “Not so much down here. Not anymore.”

Her palms press against warm ceramic, lips curling into a thin smile. “I guess we don’t have what they want. Whatever that is.”

His mouth gives a wryly twitch. “Thank God for small blessings.”

It would be nice to let the silence between them mellow, to allow herself a companionable respite after swallowing around her heart for half a day, but--

But there are things that won’t keep, no matter how much she’d like to set them aside, set them down even for just a moment. “Mitsuhide...”

He stiffens, the way a dog does when it hears its name shouted in the key of trouble. There’s two ways to respond to conflict, they used to say, fight or flight; years later they added freeze with as begrudging a reception as any change to common wisdom was given. But Mitsuhide does none of those; he just hunkers, eyes warm and dark and wary when they meet hers, hedged by hunched shoulders. The sort of man who grew up in a place where natural disasters are weathered in bathtubs and basements, or else watched from afar on front porches.

“I meant to talk to you.” Her fingers knit into the natural ridges of her mug; the only way to keep them from trembling. “After...after. I mean, not this, but before. The, um...”

It’s ridiculous how many calamities can cluster in a few hours. She’ll need to start numbering them to keep them all straight.

“The drift,” he rasps wearily. “Zen's talked about it with you, hasn’t he?”

Her mouth works; her duty to her profession says to keep it shut, to keep her patient’s business confidential, but her duty as a member of the human race, of a species that is growing more endangered by the year-- “He skipped his session.”

Shirayuki couldn’t have moved him if she hit him, but this rocks him back in his seat. “I’d been hoping...” He shakes his head, mouth curling into a rueful smile. “I thought I’d be the one trying to work something out of you.”

“Ah.” She bows her head, watching the leaves swirl in her tea. “So you haven’t had any luck either?”

Her shakes his head, disappointment stark in every sway. “He won’t talk about it. After he got out of the hanger he went and locked himself in his rack. He only agreed to come to the mess if we promised to drop the whole thing.”

Shirayuki winces. “I’d normally never ask, but when he didn’t show up to our usual appointment...”

Mitsuhide lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “I don’t know why he’d do that. I’d give some of my teeth to let someone else listen to my head sometimes.”

She blinks. “You’re always welcome, if you wanted to.”

“No.” His mouth rucks up in a rueful curve. “I really couldn’t.”

“But--”

“The thing they don’t tell you before you get into that cockpit is--” he takes a deep breath, the air emptying out the tension in his shoulders-- “is that the second you hit the drift, all your secrets aren’t your own anymore.”

“Oh.” The drift is two minds laid bare to one another, the deepest form of trust, but in all her studies, she’d never thought what that meant. How tangled and deep a mind could become in things that weren’t theirs to know, weren’t their secrets to carry. “Can I ask you something?”

His eyebrows ruffle up an inch, curious. “Of course. Anything I can answer.”

“When you first came to the dome, you were...” Shirayuki bites her lips, considering. “You were Zen’s copilot. But then Kiki came...”

The PPDC might be the one that’s stamped on the letterhead, but the Wisterias are the spine of the jeager project as well as its face. Their neural net stretches far and wide through the Corp’s hierarchies, fingers in every pie, and although Zen might not be in the upper echelons of leadership, the sort of state secrets someone might glean from the casual details rattling around in his head...

Well, it’s a good thing the Seirans were just as entrenched.

“Why did you do it?” she asks finally, though it’s miles away from what she means. “Why change when you already...?”

“Ah, well...” Mitsuhide’s shoulders heave awkwardly. “It was an emergency, at first, and then...I don’t know how to explain it. We just fit. Not that I didn’t with Zen, but this was...”

He hesitates, smile edging towards a kind of self-deprecation that doesn’t quite fit him. “It was different. If that makes sense.”

“It doesn’t,” she admits. Not to her, at least, someone who has never been in a cockpit, who has never drifted over a set of pons and tried to make a connection. But to someone who has, who has spent the last half decade rotating through a list of hopefuls and throwing them all in the trash-- “But I think...maybe it could.”

Shirayuki would love to say that she’s experienced a perception shift, that a few words with Mitsuhide gave her a clarity that she needs to pore over before acting on, but the fact of it is-- she’s too anxious to approach Obi, pure and simple.

Not that he’s given her much cause; he’s scarce after that failure of a drift, but his absence lacks the marked purpose of Zen’s. It’s hard to find anyone after an attack; everyone’s on high alert, hypervigilant, waiting for another call to come like an aftershock. It’s never happened before, but to assume that means a double event is out of the question--

Well, humanity stopped making assumptions about what lurked beneath the Pacific the day Trespasser ripped the Golden Gate off its moorings.

She catches a glimpse of him every once and a while, always going the wrong way but with a smile to share before he disappears. He’s not avoiding her, he’s avoiding everyone else, and she’s just too much of a cog in the dome’s machinery to not be a casualty of it. It’s nothing personal, she’s sure, but with all the people giving her a wide berth lately, it’s hard not to feel that his absence is pointed.

Still, there are things that just won’t keep. She can’t just keep avoiding this because she’s afraid of one more rejection.

And that’s how she finds herself in the middle of the dome’s combat room, on the business end of Obi’s smirk.

“Doc,” he hums, kicking the end of his staff up to yoke his neck. He makes it look easy, like the jo is an extension of him rather than a separate piece. She can’t help but think of what he might do with a hundred tons of jeager strapped to him, how easy he might make it move. “Funny seeing you here.”

She nods, rocking on her toes. “It’s been a while.”

He swaggers toward her, stopping barely an arm’s length away, hip cocked. Sweat dews along every inch of him, his tank damp and clinging to the hard planes of his stomach, tighter than the lycra in her own gear. His pants swing low, leaving a sliver of skin between it and his shirt, and she--

She should really be looking elsewhere. He’s not a giant, not like Mitsuhide, but when she looks up, it’s a long way to meet his eyes. They’re laughing at her when she does.

“You’re not gonna get anything out of me, you know,” he says as if he’d like to see her try; a challenge rather than a defense. “What happens in the drift stays in the drift.”

Her mouth works; this time stuck less on the sweat crawling over his skin and more on how quickly she’s been made. “I didn’t say I was going to.”

“You had the look.” He shifts, hips drawing her gaze with them. When she glances back up, he seems to find that funny too. “Besides, why else would you come in here? Most shrinks I meet aren’t, hm, combat ready.”

“I-I work out!”

His eyebrows raise, mouth following suit. “That so?”

She flexes arm, baring what, in her humble opinion, is no small bicep. Kiki might have her beat, but in K-science terms she’s practically buff. “See?”

Obi slinks close, hunching over, jo and all, to give her offering a good squint. With a hum she’d like to think is at least mildly impressed, he straightens, suddenly so close she can smell the sweat on him and the faint whiff of his deodorant.

“Well then, I stand corrected.” His smile stretches Cheshire-wide as he steps aside, sweeping out a hand. “Don’t let me stop you.”

Shirayuki peers past him, fighting to keep the grimace from her face. She works out, sure, but more along the lines of slow and low. Yoga. Tai chi. Pilates. Things that promote mind and body balance. But even in the gym, all the equipment is meant for bulking muscle, for building the sort of bodies that can bear up a skyscraper. And the combat room...

Well the only equipment here is the jo in their rack and the tatami on the floor. This isn’t for people looking to do a pull up, it’s for rangers looking to spar.

“Tell you what, Doc,” Obi says, no small amount of amusement or pity in his voice. “I could use a cool down.”

His jo whips down from his shoulders, lightning fast, hands thrusting out in the air, and she--

Her hand rises to match, catching the jo mid-air. She sags under it, a little heavier than she expected from a stick that size, but keeps her feet under her. She glances back at Obi, wide-eyed, but he just lifts his brows, impressed. “How about we go a round, you and me?”

It’s a normal request-- maybe not to her, but the rangers certainly aren’t shy about taking conversations to the tatami. But Obi’s voice does something with it, pushes it down into a register that feels more mattress than mat, and she shivers as she lets the jo drop more naturally into her grip. “Me?”

“Well, I really thought you wouldn’t catch it.” His chin juts toward her staff. “But it looks like you at least know how to hold it.”

Her finger flex around the wood, settling against its smooth surface. “I’ve done it once or twice.”

A half dozen years ago, but he doesn’t need to know that.

His mouth twitches. “Great.”

Obi’s not a mountain of a man, not like Mitsuhide, but when he falls into stance, he could make himself one. It would take an earthquake to move him, and she has the world’s smallest lever. “Come at me.”

Shirayuki shuffles awkwardly on the mat, twisting the jo to rest on both her hands. It feels like she’s got two left ones holding it-- neither one of them are as good as Kiki’s-- but muscle serves her better than memory. Center yourself, Grampa told her, yanking her chest above her hips, feel the earth come to meet you. You’ll be part of it one day, and it’s ready.

Morbid, but it works. Her spine jolts into a straight line, weight teetering between her feet, and she takes her swing.

Obi doesn’t try to dodge. He could-- even in that split second, his muscles twitch, goading him to flee-- but he just raises his staff, a jolt she feels right down to her shoulders. The puny clack echoes in her ears. It’s nothing even close to how him and Zen were sparring.

“Go ahead.” He shifts his weight as she recovers, bracing himself. “Again.”

Right. Her feet flatten against the mat-- or at least they try to, pressing instead against the foam of her sneakers. Her sneakers that she’s still wearing, since she came in here thinking there would be an elliptical, or weights, or not this.

That won’t do at all. She toes them off, setting them at the edge of the tatami, the only spectators to her impending humiliation.

She hesitates, fingers peeling socks over her heels. Obi’s already said she won’t get any information out of him; she doesn’t need to do this. She could walk away right now, and the only consequence would be his teasing. And yet--

And yet, Shirayuki walks back, feet grounding against the weave beneath them. The jo settles between her hands. Obi grins.

When she moves again, it’s with more confidence, memory fueling her strike. He catches it again, but this time it doesn’t rattle her. At least, not until he moves too, viper fast, and then she’s scrambling again. She’s no noodle-armed K-science geek, no matter what Obi might say, but when she thrusts her staff up overhead to meet his swing, her arms tremble, teeth jangling in her mouth.

Obi retreats, amusement clinging to his lips, and she huffs. Maybe she can’t take the same sort of beating Kiki can, but she isn’t about to be some pushover.

She comes at him again, lower this time, on the outside. He’s not prepared-- she can tell the way his eyes widen-- but reflexes smooth his response, drawing her back with a few of his own strikes, and then--

Then it’s just trading blows. Not like his spar with Zen; he’s too skilled and she’s too inexperienced for this to be anything but a planned draw, for him to do anything but go easy on her. But still, still-- there’s a strange electricity every time they meet, more than just their jo rising to meet each other, an anticipation--

Obi steps back, brow furrowed. “Hm.”

Shirayuki’s panting, drenched, and he’s barely broken a sweat. “Is something wrong?”

It certainly doesn’t feel wrong to her.

“N-no.” He plucks her jo from her grip, the swagger gone from his hips as he mounts it on the wall beside his. “Just. Interesting.”

“Interesting?” she prompts hopefully.

Obi shrugs, like there’s an itch between his shoulders. “Did you need anything else, Doc?”

“I...” She bites down on the impulse to ask, to demand to know if he felt it too. “No. I should, um. Get going.”

“Nowhere to go but people to see, huh?” he laughs, but it’s weaker than his usual, stilted.

“Yeah,” she breathes, turning away. “Something like that.”

We just fit, Mitsuhide said with that strange look on his face, a yearning she knows now. If that makes sense.

“Obi?” Even to her own ears, her voice sounds distant, like it’s coming from another mouth, not her own. Maybe it’s just because she’s bent in half, working cotton over sweaty toes. Maybe it’s because it feels like she’s only working with half a body.

His head swivels, chin peeking over his shoulder. “Yeah, Doc?”

“It wasn’t you, was it?” He blinks, head tilting with confusion, and she clarifies, “It wasn’t your failure.”

His breath tumbles from his like wind over water; she swears she can feel the ripples of it even where she stands. “No,” he says, so soft it’s nearly lost over the rattle of the vents. “Not yet.”

The static fizzles on her skin, belly rocking as she bends to slip on her sneakers, and oh, Mitsuhide’s words might not have made sense before, but--

But she’s worried they’re starting to now.

[thorne93]

The Stars Made Us (Part 1)

Prompt: In this world, you’re one of the “lucky” ones who got a soulmate, but what if the universe gives you more than you bargained for?

(Prompt challenge -- You live in a world where your soulmate can write on their skin and you will get the writing on your own and vice versa. Where they can wash away the ink on their own skin, however, the writing is forever scarred onto your skin until you meet face to face)

Word Count: 1857

Warnings: angst and language throughout

Notes: This was supposed to be for @sorryimacrapwriter and their challenge like a year ago, I think? I still loved the prompt though and have been working on this story for quite some time. This aesthetic was made by @dontshootmespence, thank you so much! Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes, couldn’t have done it without you, as well as @carryonmyswansong and @arrow-guy and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo

Also, I’ve never really liked the whole soulmate AU thing idea, but this felt so right and it was amazing to write. I hope y’all love it too!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since you were little, you’d heard the legends. The legend of soulmates. It was as common as Santa Claus or winning the lottery. Some weren’t sure they believed it, because although it was real, it was so rare that people didn’t know how to feel about it. Perhaps it was like believing in ghosts. Documented cases, proof, eye witness accounts weren’t enough to sway some skeptics. Yet, it had to be real because there was a registry, much like when you go to get your license or file a birth certificate or a social security number. There was a system in place to keep track of soulmates.

While others, mainly hopeless romantics, truly believed in soulmates. You heard whispers of it when people talked of their grandparents “perfect marriage” and how they just had to be soulmates. You’d heard some kids on the playground swear their cousin just got their soulmate. 

Now, it wasn’t for everyone. It was a rarity, and much like winning the lottery, it only happened to a select few. 

The few were seemingly random. Everyone from celebrities and CEOs down to starving artists and people who managed grocery stores. It touched all races, religions, and economic status. It was global. It wasn’t unheard of for a South American woman to be mated with a French man. Or one Australian to find their mate within Africa. 

Stories of epic journeys to find their love and mate had been told as bedtime stories. Heart wrenching stories of soulmates who never got to be together. 

The idea of soulmates was so endowed in the world and in history that it was rare enough to be celebrated, but common enough to be easily accepted. That’s why, when people walked with scars all over their body, formed in words, people didn’t even think twice.

That’s how it worked. On people’s 18th birthday, their soulmate was assigned, if they had one. Writing on any part of your skin would show up on your mate’s skin as a scar, and vice-versa. For two days out of the year, their birthdays, they could communicate this way. 

The only downside was that you couldn’t give out your information to your mate -- that part was up to the universe. When they needed you most, their name and address would show up on your arm. It could be life or death, it could be a mental breakdown, it could be that they’re hurt and need a friend. But until then, you shouldn’t share personal information. People had done it before, met their mates before the universe decided it was time, and awful things tended to happen. 

But if they were patient enough, willing enough to wait for the right day, it would all be worth it and they were usually guaranteed a happy life. 

Even though you grew up with this knowledge, you’d let it fall to the wayside in your mind. School and friendships took precedence, and you led your life normally. Every now and again, like on birthdays, a fleeting thought of the prospect of a soulmate would run through your head, but for the most part, you filed it away as a fantasy. 

That was, until your best friend Jenny reminded you of it on your 18th birthday.

You were having a party at your house. A group of about ten friends and you went out and played mini-golf, then had pizza at your house with cake and gifts, then watched a new movie. Your parents gave you money to buy a lottery ticket for fun, and gave you some money for college. 

Nearly everyone had gone home, and your parents already wished you a happy birthday with hugs and kisses before going off to bed. All that was left were you and Jenny, and she was about to walk out the door.

“I’m just saying, you’re 18 now,” she stated as she walked. 

“Yeah, I gathered that when I counted 18 candles on the cake, what’s your point?” you asked with a smile.

“My point is, maybe you should try and see if you’ve got a soulmate.” 

You shook your head and rolled your eyes. “Jenny, the odds of me having a soulmate are like 1 in a million. It’s a silly idea.”

“That’s been true. You know it and I know it. What’s the harm in finding out? I just had a cousin last year that found out. She wrote some appointment down when she was 21, her soulmate got it and wrote back.” 

You perched an eyebrow at her. “How romantic.” 

“I’m serious! Come on, how cool would it be?” 

“It would be kind of neat,” you admitted sheepishly, grinning. “But if no one writes back--”

“Then you haven’t lost anything, and you’ll find someone great later in life. No harm, no foul. Right?” She gave you that super convincing gorgeous smile before dropping her pushiness. “Alright, alright. Just think about it, okay? Happy birthday,” she said before hugging you tightly. 

“Thanks,” you said back.

With that, you cleaned up the kitchen and living room, gathered your gifts, and headed up to bed.  You pulled on your pajamas and crawled into your bed, you sat there, thinking about what Jenny had said.

What would be the harm in writing on your arm? If no one spoke back, it was no big deal, right? 

But if they didn’t write back, would you be saddened? You’d always secretly hoped you had a soulmate out there, so to find out you didn’t have one would be a little devastating. Of course, your life wouldn’t be over, and like Jenny said, you could always find a partner just like you normally would. 

Ultimately, it was just a schoolgirl fantasy… but what if it wasn't? you wondered idly as you sat with your leg propped up on the bed. 

You grabbed a pen off your nightstand and took a deep breath, trying to think of the best thing to ask - this would be scarred on them indefinitely after all. 

You thought, and you thought, pondering anything you could say. But what do you say to a potential soulmate? Finally, you decided there was no perfect way to go about this, and you put your pen to your arm, writing: Is anyone out there? 

You held your breath for a second, wondering if you’d get a scar somewhere in response, even bracing for some form of pain, but after a few moments -- nothing. Nothing happened. 

You sighed. Well, it was a long shot anyway.

After lying in bed disappointed for a while, a feather light sensation came crawling across your arm. You frowned for a split second before glancing down and seeing the letters. Instantly, a grin grew wide across your face. 

“Hi there. : )” 

You wanted to jump for joy. Immediately, your heart soared at the sight. Someone out there was actually fated to be yours? You couldn’t believe this. Why you? You weren’t special. 

“This is my email, if you would like to talk more,” you offered, scribbling on your skin before adding in your email. You opted for email since any other form of communication you might be tempted to find out their name.

Within two minutes, a ping noise came from your computer. You sprang from your bed, not even caring that you were the epitome of a school girl right that second. You dashed the cursor over to your inbox and read the new email. 

“Hello. So I suppose this means we’re soulmates...”

“I suppose it does,” you wrote back, a giant grin on your face. 

“We should probably get some of the formalities out of the way. What should I call you? How old are you?” 

“You can call me… Y/F/I. And I’m 18, today is my birthday. I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of people giving out their information before their time. I think we should stick to initials.” 

One minute later, in the same penmanship, you felt something on your bicep -- Happy Birthday

The smile on your face lit back up. 

“That’s my gift to you. And yes, I have heard of the stories. I would rather be safe than sorry as well. You can call me X. I’m 21. I’m in college, actually in graduate school.”

“Wow, that’s amazing. You’re already in grad school? How? What’s your area of study? I’m going into college in the fall - psychology.” 

“I think I should be surprised, but I’m not. That’s what my PhD will be in,” he informed. “As well as genetics and biophysics.” 

Well, the universe is funny, isn’t it? 

You continued to read his message. 

“Long story short, I graduated college at 16. Harvard, if you can believe it.”

Instantly, you were hit with a wave of surprise and shock. Your soulmate was a genius? He was a Harvard grad at 16? In what universe was that possible?

“That’s… really impressive. God I wish I could do that. It’d be amazing to be already done with college. I haven’t even gone there yet but it seems like a lot of work and a lot of stress. Hopefully, the pay off will be worth it though.” 

“What are you wanting to do with your degree?”

“Psychiatry.”

“A noble profession.” 

“I think so. I’d like to help people, as corny as that sounds.”

“I don’t think it sounds corny at all. Quite admirable, in fact. If people didn’t feel that way, we wouldn’t have good people in the world.”

He already thought you were a good person? you wondered, warmth spreading over you.

“I guess that is one way to look at it. I just want to help people and be a voice for people who don’t exactly have a lot of advocates.”

“That’s precisely why we get into these professions, darling,” he wrote.

Darling? Wow, so far, this guy was the jackpot. 

“I suppose it is. So what are some of your favorite books, if you don’t mind me asking? And movies. I feel like a quick way to get to know someone pretty well is through their interests.”

“Indeed it is,” he replied. “I happen to favor T.H. White’s The Once and Future King, as far as books go and I don’t particularly have time for many films.”

“Oh, I see,” you started, and then explained your favorite books and film. 

He had asked you why you liked those and you went into a rather lengthy explanation of why you enjoyed them more than others. After that you two talked music, actually having quite a lot in common there. 

You stayed up all night emailing, until the sun came up. It wasn’t until the glare hit your computer screen that you realized it, either. You didn’t want to end the magical evening, but you did need rest, and you were sure as a grad student, he needed all he could get as well. 

That morning you went to sleep with this newfound relief. It was one less thing you’d have to worry about in life. Worry about finding a mate, a partner for life. They were already there, already perfect, already waiting…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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