#last year i worked on my birthday and my coworkers got me cake

[descendantofthesparrow]

im turning 23 in 21 days...i have no clue what I'm gonna do for it

[reqxxyt]

birthday cake

pairings: max v. x f!reader

warnings: none : ) (except for the constant change of 2nd to 1st pov)

masterlist requests open!

[unedited]

a/n: won't be updating for a while, last month of school is always hell

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

Max had been staring at the same recipe for the last 10 minutes, trying to decipher the instructions without making it to hard for him knowing already that he wasn’t the best when it came to baking always leaving it to you. You birthday had been today and he had told himself that he was going to make a birthday cake for you. 

He had felt terrible that you were meant to work on your special day and told you to leave it all to him. With a cautious look on your face the minute he told you, he was more determined to make this the perfect birthday, to prove that he would do just fine without needing your help. 

He now stood in the kitchen covered in flour, staring at the burnt cake he let bake for too long and glancing at the recipe wondering if he could save it or have to start over. With the minimal ingredients he had left, he decided to start over saving the burnt as a back up but knowing it was no longer edible. 

He gave himself words of encouragement, trying to keep his hopes up while now taking his time, double checking every measurement that went into the mixing bowl. The minute it went into the oven, he stared at it not letting his attention leave the cake that was meant to be perfect for you. But he didn’t expect you to be home so soon, having asked your coworker to cover for you. 

“What happened…” your gaze landed on the destroyed kitchen. Flour was covering the counter while some remaining mix was dripping to the floor, most ingredients left out as Max had been sitting on the floor covered in flour staring at the oven. 

Max turned to your shocked expression already feeling terrible just now realizing how much of a big mess he had made in the span of 2 hours. “I tried making a cake” his voice sounding so soft made your heart hurt, not wanting him to think you were annoyed. But yoru silent state only made him worry more as he stood back up ready to apoligize. 

You laughed instead, fluffing out his hair as flour remains flew off. “Thank you” you said with a soft smile and his own smile made your insides warm knowing how much he just wanted to make you happy, feeling appreciated from the person you’ve grown to love over the years. “Let me help you clean up” 

He was about to protest before he saw that you spotted the burnt cake from last time on the corner of the cake. 

“Just keep your eyes on the cake” you said and he just nodded, giving you a soft kiss on the cheek before sitting back down while you cleaned the counters and washed the dishes. After you were finished, you sat down with Max, reaching your hands to his, intertwinnign them as you two stared at the cake waiting for it to finish ensuring that it wont burn with the help of each other. 

After a long chat as we stared at the cake, we finally took it out right before it was starting to brown. Max took out the decorations and we both started, agreeing to do a side each, making up our own designs. We were finally finished and I sighed, tired from the day but relieved I got to spend the rest with Max. 

As you were about to turn, you felt icing drag on your nose and looked to the only one who couldve done it as he looked at you with a mischievous grin. You glared at him, debating whether to make more of a mess at the kitchen or be a decent person. You looked down at the cake in front of me and dragged a bit of icing. Max having an inkling on my plan made a run for it as I dashed to him, racing him to our room, and cornering him. 

“Nowhere to run Max” you said with a small smirk before attacking him, dragging my finger on both sides of his cheeks. He ran as our laughs echoed throughout the house. As he ran back to the kitchen, he swiped another piece of icing before coming back to attack me with more. I ran from him, giggles escaping as I entered the living room nearly tripping before Max caught me only to swipe the icing, dragging it across my lips near my bottom chin. 

Our laughs died down as we stayed still, admiring each other with soft smiles before leaning in exchanging a sweet kiss. We separated, he whispered a simple “happy birthday, schatje” 

“I want cake now” I whispered back making both of us chuckle before heading back to the kitchen splitting the cake and enjoying the rest of the night together. 

[vodika-vibes]

I don't know if this is something I can request, feel free to delete 😅😂

Could I possibly get a Tech x F! Reader where like, people forgot about Reader's birthday and she kinda feels like, lonely, but then Tech finds out about it and that everyone forgot/didn't know and he spends the rest of the day making it up to her,,, maybe some smut as a treat if you feel up to it 👉👈

There Are Other Ways

Summary: After everyone you know and love forgets your name day, you feel pretty down in the dumps. Luckily, a last-minute visitor turns your day around.

Pairing: TBB Tech x F!Reader

Word Count: 2169

Warnings: Reader is sad at first, also smut, oral recieving

A/N: This is absolutely something that you can request! And the only reason it's not longer is because yard work is happening outside my door and I can't focus anymore. Like, on one hand, I'm so glad I don't have to do my own yard work. On the other hand, it's still very loud. Anywho! Thanks for the request! I hope you like it even though it's not, exactly, what you requested!

Click HERE to be added to my taglist!

You don’t expect a lot for your Name day. You don’t expect presents or food or a party. All you want, all you’ve ever wanted, is for the people you love most to acknowledge you.

A simple holo from the people you love would have been enough to make today a good day.

But you didn’t get a single well-wish today.

Not from your friends or your family. Not from your coworkers.

Not even from Tech, your best friend.

And you don’t blame Tech. You don’t.

How could you? The idea of a Name day is still something new for him, and his brothers, and you know he’s trying his best.

You don’t blame him. But you still feel hurt that he doesn’t remember.

After all, you told him how important today was for you. You told him how no one ever made you feel like you mattered on your Nameday, and that now that you’re an adult you never want to feel that way again.

You told him.

And he still didn’t even send you a message.

You don’t blame him.

You don’t want to blame him.

But Tech remembers everything important to him.

Apparently, you just aren’t on that list.

And that hurts.

You shift so that you’re resting your chin on your folded arms, your gaze lingering on the cake that you bought for yourself. It’s an Ice Cream cake, chocolate and vanilla with caramel and fudge. It’s your favorite.

When it became clear that no one cared what today was, you went and bought it for yourself. 

The cake, and the candles. 

And you even bought yourself a Name day present, a new pair of sandals that you had been eyeing for the last couple of weeks.

A heavy sigh falls from you, the only noise in your home other than the fan you can hear in the next room.

How pathetic.

Buying your own Name day present. It’s the lowest of the low, isn’t it?

Slowly you sit up, old and new hurt making you feel years older than your actual age, and you pick up the cake to put it in the freezer.

You don’t feel like celebrating anymore.

You stand in the middle of your kitchen, holding the cake you got to celebrate your birthday, your hand on the handle of the freezer. You stare at the words painted on the cake, almost tauntingly, and another, louder, sigh falls from you.

You release the freezer and head to the back door, kick it open, and toss the cake in the trash.

You step back into your home, shut the door, and lean against it. “Mom was right,” You say to your empty home, “Name days are a stupid thing to celebrate anyway.”

Who cares if you don’t actually believe that?

Tech is buried elbow-deep in the Marauder when Crosshair storms into the Hanger and flings his comm at his head. “Your comm has been going off, non-stop, for the last hour.” Crosshair bites out, “Deal with it or I’m throwing it into the ocean.”

“Is someone calling me?” Tech asks as he looks over at his twin.

“Not your secretary, Tech.” Crosshair snaps as he spins on his heel and stalks out of the hanger.

“There is no need to be dramatic, Crosshair.” Tech mutters, more to himself than his brother, before he pulls his arms out of the ship and tugs his gloves off to check his comm.

He isn’t expecting any calls. And, so far as he remembers, nothing important is happening tod—

Tech’s thought process stops mid-thought as he sees the notification blaring on his comm.

There, written in plain basic: IMPORTANT. CYARE’S NAME DAY. DO NOT FORGET.

A litany of curses runs through his mind, he forgot. How could he forget? After she made a point to tell him how her Name day was never celebrated when she was growing up, and how she never wanted to feel like that ever again.

Surely other people remembered, though. There’s no way she spent the morning alone, waiting for someone to remember her. Right?

He scrambles to his feet, the Marauder’s upgrade can wait until later, this can’t.

He pauses to look down at his clothes. His jeans are covered in grease, as is his shirt, but his arms are clean. Good enough.

Hopefully.

He hurries out of the hanger, though he does take time to ensure that the hanger is locked (Hunter would have his head if the Marauder got stolen), and then he hurries to her house. 

Luckily, she doesn’t live too far away. Unluckily, she does live far enough away that his shirt is sticking to his skin due to the heat. He makes a disgusted face as he plucks the shirt away from his skin, even as he lifts a fist to knock on the door.

Though he pauses just before his knuckles hit the door.

Her trashcan is open, and he can see, poking out the top, a case holding a melted cake. Tech stares at it for a moment, and then his head tilts back and he releases a silent sigh.

That…is not a good sign.

He knocks on the door twice, waits a moment, and then knocks twice more. He might not have Hunter’s enhanced hearing, but he does eventually hear her moving around the home.

There’s a click and the door slides open, and she blinks up at him, surprise written clear on her face, “Tech? Is something wrong? Do you need me to babysit Omega?”

That is an even worse sign.

“No. I meant to be here earlier, but I—”

“Forgot?” There’s something pained on her face, and Tech hates himself for putting it there, “It’s okay,” She won’t meet his gaze, “No one else remembered either.”

“I got busy,” Tech corrects, “You know what I can be like.”

“It’s okay, Tech.” She repeats, her smile slightly lopsided��and the fakest smile he’s ever seen in his life, “It’s a stupid thing to celebrate anyway.”

“I disagree.”

She shakes her head and moves to the side to let him in from the heat, “Tech, you remember everything important to you, what am I supposed to think?”

“That is not fair.”

She looks at him, slightly surprised, “I’m not blaming you, Tech. I know Name days are new for you and your brothers. I just,” She pauses, and folds her arms around herself, as if hugging herself for comfort, “I just want to forget today.” Her arms tighten, “Mom was right. I don’t really matter, do I?”

Tech now, officially, feels like a monster. 

His mind races, there has to be a way to make today better for her. He can’t buy her something, he doesn’t have the money for it. Anything he could make her would take time. He’s not the best cook, so he can’t even make food for her.

Tech pulls his comm out of his pocket and sends an emergency message to his brothers, telling them that they need to plan for an emergency barbeque to happen tonight to celebrate her name day.

As soon as he gets confirmation from Wrecker (who does the majority of the cooking) and Omega (promising that it’ll be the best name day party ever) Tech drops his comm back in his pocket.

“We are having a Name day dinner for you, tonight.” Tech says bluntly, “Wrecker is cooking.”

She shakes her head, “You don’t have to.”

“I made you feel like you do not matter, and nothing could be further from the truth. A single dinner is not nearly enough.”

She rubs her shoulder, “Look, Tech. I just want to stay home and sulk. A dinner party sounds like…well, it sounds like it’ll make me cry.”

“Before you make any decisions, can I give you your present?”

She blinks at him and then scans him. “You aren’t carrying anything.” She points out.

Tech huffs and walks over to her, “You are just being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn, I think.”

“Wha—?”

Tech throws all caution to the wind and presses his lips against hers. 

It’s a little awkward, as she wasn’t expecting it and she doesn’t react right away, but then he feels her hands against his chest, and she relaxes into the kiss, her hands sliding up his chest and over his shoulders to wrap around his neck.

He breaks the kiss, though he doesn’t want to (her lips are so soft and she tastes like the smoothie she prefers, and he could kiss her for hours and never get tired of it—). 

Her eyes are wide with surprise, but she’s still totally relaxed against him.

Tech has never been so grateful for living on a tropical island as he is at that moment, as she’s wearing a thin tank top and shorts and he can feel all of her soft curves pressed against him. His hand settles at the small of her back, to press her soft body against his more solid one, and his other hand brushes some hair off her neck as he watches her, to see how she reacts.

It takes her a moment to regain her breath, “A…name day kiss?” She asks.

“I suppose now is an appropriate time for me to tell you that I care about you?” He counters in turn.

“Aren’t you doing this kind of backward?” She asks, her voice soft.

“Normal is overrated.” Tech tilts her head so his lips are hovering over hers again, “Can I—?”

“Yes. Whatever you want.” She breathes as an answer.

Tech chuckles and then crashes his lips against hers in a much more heated kiss. This time, he doesn’t hold anything back as he nips her lower lip and slides his tongue against hers.

She releases a quiet moan and the sound breaks something in Tech’s mind, at least that’s what he thinks happens, because the next thing he knows, her back is pressed against a wall and he’s lifting her so that her legs are hooked around his waist.

His lips move to her throat and he scrapes his teeth against her soft skin. She releases a noise so needy that Tech can’t help the groan that escapes him.

“Am I going too fast?” Tech asks against her throat.

Her hands skim through his hair, careful to not dislodge his goggles, “Not fast enough.” She gasps out.

He lets out a breathless laugh, “Greedy.”

“I’m allowed,”

Tech pulls away from her for a moment, his gaze flickering around to take stock of her home, and then he pulls her away from the wall, walks her over to her favorite chair, and sits her on it.

She shoots him a puzzled look, only to squeak when his hands settle at the band of her shorts and he tugs them down. He tosses them to the side, not caring about where they land, and then he settles himself on his knees.

“W-wait—”

Tech pauses and lifts his gaze to meet hers, though he keeps his lips on the soft skin of her thighs.

Her face is slightly flushed and her hair is a mess around her head, “This doesn’t seem fair to you.” 

Tech chuckles, “Cyare, it is your name day.”

Somehow she looks even more flushed, and Tech takes that as a win as he drapes her legs over his shoulders, and busies himself with kissing and biting his way up her thighs.

She still jumps when he presses his lips against her pussy in a light kiss, and he grins, “Lean back, cyare.”

He waits until she does as he asks, and then he flicks his tongue across her clit, pulling a muffled moan from her. Muffled because her hand is pressed over her mouth.

He’ll have to deal with that at a later point in time, but for now, he busies himself with fucking her with his tongue and fingers. She tastes amazing, and Tech is pretty sure that he could spend the rest of his life buried between her thighs and would die a happy man. 

It doesn’t take long for him to determine what she likes, and what she really likes. Listening to her moans and focusing on the way her body twitches under him when he touches her in a certain way.

Of course, this is just part one of his gift for her. He has every intention of taking her in every way that she’ll let him before they go to the Name day dinner tonight.

Tech’s lips curl into a satisfied grin when she releases a gasping cry as she clenches around his finger and her hands come down to fist in his hair.

Oh, and at some point he needs to ask her to be his girlfriend.

Hm…maybe he should have done that before getting to the point.

But then she’s cumming around his fingers and the only thing Tech is thinking of is how pretty she’ll look when she’s riding him.

Happy Name day, indeed.

@bad4amficideas @justiceandwar98 @tiredbi-peach @dukeoftheblackstar @trixie2023

@kimiheartblade @padawancat97 @falconfeather23435 @etod @bb8-99

@continous-mistakes @yoitsjay @cc--2224

[satorisoup]

EEEK HAI FRIENDS !! im back (for now) i missed all of yous soso much !!

if anyone who is up to date about my work crush/work in general & wants to know the new crazy stuff that’s happened, keep reading (ITS GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE) !! (ˊᵒ̴̶̷̤ ꇴ ᵒ̴̶̷̤ˋ)

okay !! so here is a debrief before we start :3

℘ i have a crush on my coworker, i’ve liked him for about a year now !! he also coincidentally has the same birthday as kirishima… is this fate ?? who knows !!

℘ i have never celebrated a holiday/birthday due to how i was raised growing up & i work on halloween night (relevant to the story)

℘ wont be name dropping but i will call him “crush” so you know who im referring to !!

℘ i usually have trouble with my managers and believe(d) they don’t like me (also relevant)

so we’ll start on last wednesday, im hosting and my crush is doing to-goes. i get to work, on my way to clock in, and my manager + crush & a couple coworkers are sitting at an empty table next to the to go room. my manager calls me over enthusiastically :0 so i walk over and say hello all that.

she says “ so are you going to wear a costume to work on halloween ??” and i was a bit hesitant to answer because ?? i didn’t know we could do that !! and i thought they were joking around. she proceeded to tell me “you gotta wear one !! just sneak one in your bag so your mom doesn’t see !!” and i was like ahhh !! okay !! i’ll try haha !! and crush was watching this whole situation lol >//<

me being me, i still thought they were messing around… so later on, i go up to crush and ask “ are you sure they’re not messing around” and he reassured me “i promise they aren’t lying” AND THEN. he says…

“ you need to wear one… hm… if you don’t wear one, then i won’t talk to you for the whole day !! and you’re gonna be like “why is he ignoring me” and that’ll be why !! so make sure you wear one…” JWIWISJJWJS

and i said “awe man… you got me there, it looks like i do have to wear one :3

fast forward to the end of the night, im waiting for my mom to come pick me up and im clocked off. im in the back near the kitchen and bathrooms sitting on the steps by the huge wine cooler, and crush rounds the corner !!!!!!!!!!!! and starts giggling “what are you doing??”

i told him “i always wait here !! its my little spot”

and HE SAYS “you know you could always come to 7-4, theres no one sitting there…”

7-4 is the table right next to the to-go room where he was working. needless to say i got up and followed him over, and sat my happy butt DOWN ^_^

fast forward a bit more, he randomly comes in to the table and sits right down across from me, leans forward, and just starts having a whole conversation with me ??? like do u want to have children with me ?? just kidding but !!

somehow we got into the topic of my birthday, and he already knows ive never celebrated it… (my birthday is on a thursday, which means i work), when i tell you what this man. this GORGEOUS MAN. says to me…

“im gonna make your birthday extra special… im gonna get you a cake… AND a cupcake… im gonna get you both” oh lord. i might faint… is this flirting ?? anyway

so then he said a couple more things and i left a blushing mess.

following day, a thursday, i work with him again. here’s where it gets good.

so basically he’s sitting at the table we were at yet again, he’s clocked off doing his college homework ?? at work ?? i guess… anyway, its the end of the night. my manager says “you need to tell crush to get a costume… he doesn’t even have one yet!!” emphasis on the YOU ?? like okay !! i guess i have to !!

so i go up to him, tell him goodnight, ending it off with a “you need to get a costume… but i dont have anything to threaten you with (reference to the playful threat he made of not talking to me)… hm…”

WHEN I TELL YOU. HE LOOKS ME DEAD IN MY FACE. NAJAJSJSJSJWJEJDJJS HE SAYS

“what do i get if i do wear a costume ?” IWJWJWJEIXIKWJSJSJWJWJSJSJSJWJSJJSJSJSS I ALMOST DIED

me being pure shy me i blurted out “uh— a hug?” lmfao someone kill me. wow 🫨 genuinely someone sedate me WHO SAYS THAT

his response ?????? “looks like i’ll definitely have to wear one then.” HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO DO YOU WANT ME I WANT YOU HELEPWSOSOOSOSSO

also all of my managers have been extremely nice to me lately… not cutting me early… and like… kind of giving me chances to help crush with things… like hm… do ya’ll know something i dont ?? :3

SO THATS THAT !! am i being delusional i swear… i cant tell when people flirt w me… anyways. hes gorgeous.

today is now wednesday and i work with him again… tomorrow is halloween. if i hug him i will update… BYE !! ^_^

[fingerlickin]

Gratitude :::

yesterday I had to get my car smog checked after finally getting the work done on it to fix the issue (my registration was over a year expired… eek face) the business I went to was really just a man named Mohammed who packed me a bag of dates and sesame cookies he said were made by Syria refugees. He was so kind, and genuine, and strong in his faith and asked me to pray for peace in the holy land which I did and will.

I made a salad of kale, arugula, fennel, honey crisp, pomegranate, pistachios and goat cheese w a honey dijon dressing for my boss and my other coworker made **incredible** carrot cake w crystallized ginger, toasted coconut, and cream cheese/whipped cream frosted cupcakes, and picked up an arizmendi mushroom pizza to have an early birthday celebration for her. It was really sweet and one of those casual days where you relax and talk about real ass shit but get a lot done too. We talked about our favorite moon phases visually and learned my coworker and her (very New Jersey not woo) family have a lot of spoken superstition about new and full moon behavior. And it was warm but the light was that autumn low and I always get that really familiar feeling of being a kid the first month of school. The blue angels were zooming over but I never spotted them.

Car shit continued: I spent like 2.5 hours at the dmv waiting yesterday (beautiful view of the mountain from the parking lot where I hung out instead of sitting inside) to get my citation stamped bc I got a ticket for the expired registration. I also paid so much money over the last few weeks bc I had parking tickets and bridge fare tickets I willfully ignored for a year+ bc I was scared to face it all. So incredibly wasteful and stupid!! But it’s done now and I pulled it all off, and spent my tiny savings, and it does feel like a weight off and a freedom from a shame. And I won’t put myself in that kind of situation again. Debts nearly all cleared.

Returning a favor for local friends by watching their dog for the next two days. It was not asked in that way but I’m so happy to be able to help them after they’ve so kindly helped me before. And I get to spend a couple nights in a cute lil house w a backyard and a pug (who I’m a lil iffy on lmao tbh).

[fredkinnie]

L4D2 Nick x Reader

Office AU

Gender neutral reader Nick does call them sweetheart condescendingly (because hes an asshole)

Recently rediscovered this oneshot I wrote over a year ago as a joke(?) thing with a friend, not my best work but I think the concept was cute so if anyone's interested !! I don't know how to format fanfics on here bear with me. ALSO I edited it a little but also not really . not my best work so apologies D:

“As you both probably know, Ellis’ birthday is tomorrow.” You shuffled in your chair, attempting to make yourself comfortable. Of all the things your boss, Rochelle Torres, could have pulled you into her office for you were rather surprised it had to do with the birthday of one of your coworkers. Ellis Thompson was relatively new to your small sales office- he recently moved from manufacturing- but you got on quite well with him. The man seated to your left, however, did not.

“And? What, do I need to bake overalls a birthday cake or something, maybe hire some strippers to jump out of it?” This sarcastic quip came from no other than Nicolas “Nick” Wright, the well dressed and, admittedly, rather attractive salesman with a rather unnatractive attitude. He was known around the office for his pessimism and sarcasm, and the damned white suit, blue shirt combo he wore to work every day. However, he was great at his job and an excellent leader. In fact, he wasn’t half bad when he was focused. You’d even managed to coax a compliment out of him the last time the two of you were assigned to a project together. 

“No.” Rochelle responded after a moment, giving him a warning glance. It was obvious she was amused yet unenthused by his comment, the newly promoted woman was still finding a balance between banter with her subordinates and the level of professionalism needed by a regional manager. She was doing a good job, though, you noted internally. Much better than Nick, who so clearly struggled with professionalism. Rochelle spoke again, interrupting your thoughts about the suited salesman. “Actually, I need you two to decorate the conference room. Louis normally takes care of it, as you know, but his sister’s wedding happened to coincide with Ellis’ birthday.

“I approved his time off in advance and told him I’d take care of finding someone to set up the party, but then I forgot. I’ve just been really busy and it slipped my mind, I’m sorry for the short notice, guys.” Rochelle sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before looking back apologetically at you and Nick. You glanced to your left to gauge Nick’s reaction, which was unsurprisingly not a happy one. He looked like he was about to say something he’d later regret, so you cut him off.

“Don’t worry! We know you’ve had a lot on your hands as of late, it’s okay to make a mistake once and a while. Just tell us what we need to do specifically and we’ll do it, no problem.” You could practically feel Nick’s blank stare boring into the side of your head, but as Rochelle smiled you realized that he realized that you just saved his fucking ass. You’re welcome, Nick.

“Well, I went ahead and took care of the cake, so don’t worry about that. I took some time and dug around to find what party supplies we had on hand, so you’ll find that stuff in the conference room. Just go in there and do your best to spruce up the room, that’s all I can really ask.” You nodded, taking her statement as a que to exit. You stood up and looked toward Nick, who still hadn’t left his chair.

“Why did you choose me for this? At least the country boy and (Y/N) are actually friends.” He huffed, crossing his arms and sliding down in his seat slightly. It was almost funny to watch a grown man act so juvenile, especially a man who acted as macho as Nick did. This time there was no amusement in Rochelle’s stare.

“You two are my top salespeople. I figured you both deserved a break for all the hard work you do around here, however if doing things for your coworkers feels like a punishment to you I can make it one. Get working on it, now.” She said sternly, pointing a pink painted nail toward the door. He seemed to get the message as he scurried out after you. 

A pack of 24 assorted multicolor balloons, a pile of colored construction paper, and a spool of twine were waiting on the conference room table for the two of you. Beside them sat various office supplies, including a tape dispenser, a hole puncher, and a pair of scissors.

“Alright, here’s the game plan. Take the hole puncher and make some confetti with the construction paper. The custodians will hate us but it’ll make the table look more festive. I’ll make a banner with the paper and twine, then we’ll blow some balloons.” You directed, handing him the hole puncher before turning to grab the supplies you’d need. You had a vivid picture of what you needed to do in your mind. If you cut the letters in “Happy Birthday Ellis” out of the construction paper, then punched holes into the tops of them, you could string them on the twine and hang it up above the tabl-

“Who died and put you in charge?” Nick retorted, begrudgingly reaching for a piece of paper to begin his confetti making journey with. His scowl was even worse than it typically was, which was saying something.

“Probably the same person who died and made you a huge bitch. Like seriously, what’s your deal? Might do you some good to take the stick out of your ass and try to enjoy things once and a while.” You didn’t spare him a glance, instead beginning to cut an H out of a piece of orange construction paper. The room fell silent, save for the clicking of the hole puncher and the sound of scissors gliding across paper. Yes, what you said was unprofessional. That much you acknowledged, and if he decided to take that up with HR (that is, when the HR representative Louis came back from vacation) you were willing to take the consequences that came along with it. However it was the truth, and it needed to be said. You kept cutting.

“Sweetheart, if anyone else had said that I would have punched them.” Nicholas replied quietly, a few moments after the silence had gotten awkward. His voice was so soft, it was startling. What he said didn’t feel rude or like a threat, it just felt personal. The silence returned. You finished cutting H, then A, and P, another P, and then Y. You set your paper scraps between you and Nick’s seats and in some unspoken agreement, he turned it into confetti.

Clearly, there was something on your coworkers mind. Nick was never this quiet. As much as he seemed like he disliked people, you just got the feeling he thrived around them. When the two of you went for a meeting with one of the company’s customers he talked nonstop. He really is charismatic, especially when he’s not so rude. The longer the silence between you two went on, devoid of even a sarcastic crack or a mumbled string of curses, the more uncomfortable it became until finally you just had to ask.

“What’s wrong?” You inquired, finally turning to focus your (E/C) eyes on the suited man beside you. He took a deep breath, set down his tools, and turned to face you. Nick’s grey eyes were watering, tears threatening to spill out. He sniffled, averting his gaze and smiling crookedly. Instinctively, you reached out and embraced him, pulling him into a hug. His composure broke and he began to cry into your shoulder, melting into the physical contact that he so desperately needed. You could faintly make out muffled apologies and explanations coming from the crying man, nothing that really made sense but you realized this was more for him than it was for you. You just let him get it all out, one hand around his back and the other cradling his head. 

After a few minutes, his sobs slowed, then eventually stopped. Nick broke away from the hug, red eyed and sniffling. His true nature finally hit you: he’s a good guy, just scared to be vulnerable.

“I’m sorry.” He sniffed, your gazes still locked.

“I know you are.” You smiled gently.

“So much has happened but that doesn’t excuse being a dick. I’m so sorry.” Nick continued weakly.

“Do you want to talk more about it?” You offered.

He nodded.

“Over drinks tonight? The bar downtown?”

He nodded yet again, smiling.

With that, the two of you simultaneously turned back to your birthday party prepwork, the silence much more comfortable this time. He’s a good guy deep down, and you’re determined to meet the real him. For now, though, you were content cutting letters.

[fizzingwizard]

couple life things

went to Jamaica Fes on the weekend. Bob Marley everywhere. Had my first ever jerk chicken and festival bread. Sooo good. Also ate taco rice and a warm, gooey churro caked in cinnamon which was easily the best churro I've ever had in Japan.

People were all dressed up in bright colors, especially Jamaican flag colors. It was interested for me to see so much of Osaka's night life out in broad daylight haha. During the work week, most people are dressed modestly, in muted colors. Of course if you go to America-mura or hit up clubs you'll always find lots of stylish young people, but yeah, they're not so visible just out and about. Lots of skin-showing and bright hair colors. It was really fun. And so many tattoos! Japan is really opening up to tattoos it seems. Still not work appropriate most of the time (let alone school), but I don't think people's minds automatically go to "yakuza" when they see a tattoo anymore hehe. At least not in cities. Rural areas are a little different.

Work stuff: One of the toughest, though inevitable, things about my job is when a student leaves the school. They'll all leave my class at the end of the year, and eventually they'll graduate the school itself and I probably won't hear from them again. But although the end of the year makes me emotional, it's even harder when kids leave during the school year.

Last hear I had a particular challenging student, A, who was uncontrollale. If we'd had a smaller class, or fewer students with difficult behaviors, we could maybe have spent more time with him and worked out some things that we weren't able to. A lot of young kids who have trouble at school would do so much better, imo, if they could just have more personal time with the teacher. They really want and need those bonds to feel valued and supported, but when the teacher has to divide her attention among a large class, it's impossible. And "large" is not as large as you'd think when kids are only two or three years old. But schools will pay for only as many teachers as they need legally, so.

Still, we did see a LOT of progress in this student anyway. Once he got comfortable with us, he was so sweet and charming. He acted out when he got overstimulated or when he was lonely. By the end of the year, he'd grown so much. It's impossible to know how much we helped and how much was just his own understanding getting better as he got older. But we loved him a lot and we tried everything we could think of.

He also has a very supportive mom who told us she was like him when she was that age, and that she didn't expect miracles, and that she preferred if we followed his lead and went at his pace. Which was SUCH a relief to hear. Because I very much believe that's what's best with young kids. Not that you shouldn't challenge them, but there's a difference between presenting a challenge and letting them decide when to attempt it, and forcing them to attempt the challenge whether they like it or not "to build character."

A lot of parents are so worried that their kids are not "on level" with other kids of the same age and it's like. Every kid hits milestones at different points. Every kid is different. I have a mom right now who told us she's worried her kid wasn't talking much even though her older sister did at the same age. And I heard from her teacher last year that the mom was saying the same thing back then. This kid, back then, was barely two years old! It is completely, COMPLETELY normal for 2s to do a lot more observing than speaking - it doesn't mean they can't speak or don't understand. It's just normal. Some kid are chatty, some aren't. Something I've seen happen many many times as a preschool teacher is a kid turns 3, and suddenly they're a chatterbox. It is that sudden. They have their birthday and it's like a flip is switched. So I told my coworkers that of course we had to respect and help the mom with her concerns, but that personally I thought her kid was fine and would start talking when she turned 3. Well, the kid turned 3 last week, and guess what - even the week before that, she'd suddenly found her voice. She speaks in sentences and mostly clearly. I called it! haha. We are continuing our support plan for mom's sake, but I'm hoping to hear she's feeling better now that her daughter is talking.

But back to A - so the thing about kids like A is, they take so much time that you get really invested in them. Parents often worry that if their kid is a handful, the teachers will like them less and pay them less attention. Absolutely do be your kid's advocate - but as a teacher, I gotta say it's often the opposite! Much harder to pay as much attention to the kids who don't need much support. Because you're all taken up with the others! And we don't dislike kids just because they don't follow directions perfectly. If they did, they'd be freaky, like what are these robot children?? Challenging kids are a lot of work and you go home exhausted every day. But when they make progress, it's like the sun coming out after weeks of rain. It's amazing. You really feel so happy for them. And even if they don't make progress, you went through so much with them and got to know them so well that you just won't forget them.

I found out last week that after fighting hard to get A into our upper level school, his mom is withdrawing him. The reason isn't anything to do with his support or issues with the school or teachers, but an understandable family reason. I'm so sad though. I really wanted to watch A grow up. I was so, so worried about how the transition from my class to the new school would be for him. I heard from his teachers that he had a hard time at first. But now he trusts his new teachers. I went to help out at that school when they were understaffed and I got to see my students from last year including A. He was so happy to see me and I could see that he loved school.

So it's just a shame. I think he's the type of kid who would have continued to remember his former teachers as the years go by. He's a very affectionate type. It would have been amazing to see him three years from now at his graduation. I miss and wonder about all the students of mine that have left the school. A is just very recent so I'm feeling it the worst atm. I gave him too many hugs all year long to forget him so fast ;_;

[aimzicr]

I was born on a sweltering summer evening, and from all accounts I was a baby that did not sleep well at all, not until the season changed. Nightmares, my parents explained, Or maybe you were just sensitive to heat, or to the cicadas.

When I turned seven, when the air was sweltering hot and the trees droned with insect voices that never seemed to tire, I had a nightmare. Or a waking nightmare, maybe, my restless sleep influenced by the sound of cicadas in the tree outside my window. The noise was so loud, it almost had a face.

I had just turned fourteen. I was in the living room, trying to keep cool, trying to distract myself from the world. The insects were droning again, louder and louder, the sound drowning out the sound of the fans and the television. I must have zoned out, my thoughts blurred by the sound, until the vibration seemed to concentrate in enough pain to get me doubling over. There was blood trickling down my legs. My mother soothingly told me not to worry, as it was normal for girls my age. The droning of the insects continued all summer long, and the ache in my gut was stronger during that season than in the others. Thrumming along.

I moved after graduation, wanting to study abroad - somewhere where there wasn't a summer at this time of year, somewhere there was snow instead of blazing heat - and the day after my 21st birthday I called home. I needed to hear my parent's voices again. I had a nightmare someone broke into the house, I tell them, trying to keep my tone light, the 'ha-ha isn't that silly'. But when Dad's reply is a shifting silence, I feel the joke turn sour on my tongue. Someone did break into the house, he says, hesitantly. Or, at least, they broke the window. I don't think anything's missing, but... we're not sure. You'll have to check when you come back to visit. And when I ask why I have to check, he shifts again, uncomfortably. They broke the window of your room, honey. Near as we can tell, they didn't go anywhere else in the house.

Being a great university student didn't translate to success at work, or at holding down a relationship. I was worried about how my 30s weren't that far away, how sad it was that I was back in the family home, living in my childhood bedroom while I looked for work online. Mum and Dad had gone out, promising a cake for a party just the three of us, and told me to stay home and relax for a while. The air was muggy and still, and the cicadas droned and droned outside while I scrolled social media and looked at the lives of my friends and coworkers. Everyone had it together, so why didn't I? I was getting a headache from the heat, from squinting at the screen, from probably dehydration on top of all of that. It was too hot to move, until the sunbeam I was laying in cut out, and then suddenly I could move again, and was so thirsty. I was halfway to the kitchen for water when I stepped into a new sunbeam, and I realised that only half of the window was in shadow; it was not a cloud that had passed in front of the sun. There was something pressed up against the glass, a vast shape, thrumming with the song of the cicadas. I could hear its face. I screamed, just once, but the sound was too close to the insects outside. We just stared at each other until my parents got home, and then there was no-one there at the window except the summer sunlight.

Mum and Dad had moved out last year, wanting a place to have their own. I'd had to fight to get my name put on the paperwork and no-one could understand why. The childhood home was almost past the point of being 'a fixer-upper', and wouldn't I rather have the big wad of cash that the developers were offering? I didn't like the idea of my house being buried under the soulless lawns and sand pits of the proposed golf course. I fought last summer, and joked it had been my thirty-fourth birthday present to have the old place to myself, and to convince the whole neighbourhood to fight back against construction to boot. That was last year. I'd fought, and won, and now I'm home again. Right when I need to be. It's the summer again, and I'm listening to the sound of cicadas getting louder and more insistent outside. It took me this long to realise there was a rhythm to their song, to their appearances. It wasn't just random noise. My birthday's ticking closer, minute by minute. My head is starting to hurt. My mouth is dry. I've left the door into the garden open, so the whole house is filled with the noise. I drink a glass of water, and close my eyes, and I hum. I'm 35. Happy birthday to me. When I open my eyes, the cicadas are louder than ever, and in the thrum of their droning call someone steps into the kitchen. Something singing the same song they've sung for all those rhythmic summers, lonely and waiting and lost and dying for one more chance.

I take the hand that's offered to me, and pull it close.

[hotforharrison]

Void, we meet again.

It's her birthday tomorrow, and he's going out early to get her a surprise cookie cake from the mall that she casually remarked looked good a while back when they were there.

He didn't do anything special for me on my birthday.

My birthday is New Year's Eve, and we shared every New Year's kiss that he wasn't deployed overseas from 2007 to 2022. He somehow didn't notice that and promised it to her without asking me first, even though it was my birthday, just casually told me that was the case the day before.

I shouldn't have made a fuss about it, but I did, and it turned into my own personal hell that lasted almost a week before I was ultimately forced to apologize to her for my wrongdoing.

(Although she left a hateful and bitchy comment on one of my Facebook posts a few weeks ago, instead of just scrolling on by something she didn't agree with, like a mature adult, which she doesn't have to apologize for. I find that rather ironic -- like how all of her behavior is excused. Next time she is loud enough while they have sex that I can hear her through two closed doors and a pair of headphones, when she has a whole goddamn house of her own all to herself where they can easily go and be as loud as their hearts desire, I am going to blast Taylor Swift as loud as I fucking can. She hates Taylor Swift. But she can just "shake it off.")

Anyway, after my birthday, I set peace and acceptance as goals for 2024, in addition to being present and not having my face buried in my phone. I've been doing a pretty good job of all of those things. (Other than the Taylor Swift thing. I have calmly voiced on multiple occasions that I feel disrespected and suggested the solution of loud sex at her house. Yet it keeps happening.)

For her birthday, she gets a surprise cookie cake and a dinner with her friends, coworkers, and him and whatever else he has planned tomorrow and Thursday that they're spending together as well.

I got crying and yelling and residual bitterness that I've been trying to shake for over two months now.

I pointed out earlier today that he doesn't think of me the way he used to, the way he thinks of her now.

He rather quickly had to grab his phone from the nightstand to say good morning to her when he woke up while I was there in bed with him, and he always tells her good night every single night with a phone call.

I stayed at my parents' house for over two weeks to visit family and go to my high school reunion last fall. He never said good morning or good night to me, not once. I was lucky to get a reply on Discord when I sent him messages. I could count the times we talked on the phone during that two week trip on a single hand.

At least he didn't try to deny it when I pointed it out, and he said he'd try to do better.

I told him I didn't want it if it was forced.

He says he wants to have the both of us, but I find myself questioning what that would mean for me.

When I've brought up dating again, he's always asked if that was me ending things between us.

I told him that it's not, and I mean that sincerely, but feeling like an afterthought --or, really, not even a thought at all-- breaks my heart a little more every single day.

He's on vacation this week from work, and we went on a lunch date today. I dressed up and felt pretty. He noticed and told me I looked nice.

The date went better than the last ones have. He didn't get upset with me, not even a little bit. I was honestly surprised, with how things have been lately.

The restaurant we originally intended to go to was closed due to a lease violation according to a letter on the door, but there were other options in the same parking lot.

We had a really terrible waiter at the one we chose, but the food was good, and the conversation was nice.

What's happened since then was that he went over to spend time with her before their weekly online Dungeons & Dragons session.

After that ended, he immediately headed back over there to see her again and told me he wouldn't be long. It's been over an hour and a half now.

This is a pretty regular occurrence, and I shouldn't be surprised.

I slept for all of 90 minutes last night, less time than he's been there now, and I was hoping to maybe spend some time with him before bed. Not sure if that's going to happen.

He's very much an introvert so he needs to have alone time for his mental health. I would never deny him that. It's important to take care of yourself.

And she's an extrovert, which is additionally taxing for him a lot of the time.

It feels like it's usually alone time, or her time, and I just get whatever scraps are left.

[elpisthemis]

It hasn't been quite a year, but I looked back here and saw my last pinned post, and thought I might make another.

I was reading over my last pinned post and it's funny how much better things have gotten since then. I don't have the same job, I work somewhere else now, and it shows me how much better things can be. I was holding my head above the water with the last team I worked with, but now I have coworkers and managers that care about and support me.

Last time, I mentioned that my birthday had passed, and that just a small few friends came by for a little while but had to leave. I was happy for it but this year was so much better and it was what I had hoped for last year.

I had most of the same, I just invited my coworkers and friends to come hang out, have cake and food and such. A bunch of my coworkers came by and stayed well until 10 or 11 at night before everyone started heading home, and it was so much fun, and so fulfilling. It took 24 years but I finally have what I wished for all along: people that I can physically be with, that I have some kind of tangible love with. Life is full of hits-and-misses and attempted connections and bitter failures, but eventually you do get your chance. It was all worth it in the end.

I finished FFXIV, too, which is fun! Now I'm part of the crowd waiting with bated breath for the next expansion, but now that I have finished it, I find myself needing new ways to fill the time that used to be playing FF. I've picked up, played, and even finished some handful of games; Palworld, Vintage Story, a bit of Transistor, and the ever-beloved Sims. And in every game I play I find myself delightfully driven to create and write and join in on the world.

I managed to find and join a company in FFXIV that's focused on roleplay, and I've been having a lot of fun with Sye, but I've also created Takumi now too! They've got all their bits and pieces in motion, but aside from that, I also reached out to and joined an RP-focused Vintage Story server. It's been a lot of fun finally getting to indulge these things that I wanted to do for so long, but tried and failed so many times.

I've also been befriending my company mates, many of whom also love to write and draw and otherwise create. I got to read the draft of the first chapter of my friend's book; I am proofreading and editing for another one of them; and yet another has given me a link to their old D&D information for me to go read. I've made new friends, in and out of FFXIV, and even they have tons of amazing art and writing to share. Even in other games, like Vintage Story, I'm playing with friends and forming towns where we actually work together and delegate specific tasks to people who want to do them. It feels like all of the joys I experienced as a kid are finally being re-ignited in the best way possible.

I haven't written too much - if you don't count roleplay posts - but I have been indulging the ~egotistical~ love of my own voice. It's been fun making pseudo-audiobooks of the fics I've written and singing all of the songs that I love and getting to talk and laugh with my company mates and other friends.

All in all, I think I can say I'm happy with where my life is right now. I'll leave this with a pristine verse from Kristoff Krane this time:

Making love, making friends, no doubt I make a difference There's positive and negative effects of my decisions And although my dreams are selfish, I hope you can relate May my attempts at being honest resurrect the fact I'm fake

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Instead of albums, this time, I leave you with songs:

Passing Through - Kaden MacKay Thank You Energy - Kristoff Krane Doing My Thing - Kristoff Krane Knocking on Wood - Spose Okay - Atmosphere

[weanda]

Like a headshot

The Christmas period was a nightmare for me. Terribly stressful. Earlier fights and yelling opened up many childhood and teenage wounds. I remembered memories that I had forgotten for years or decades because my brain had hidden them from me. It erased them and I always hoped they were gone forever. These memories and all the feelings associated with them are like bodies emerging from the pitch black and each tearing a piece out of me. Then the same memory comes to mind again, or another one, and the figures tear out another one and another one. I felt my soul bleed out…

I experienced Christmas as fake, superficial and forced. My birthday is the same, because apart from my family members, not a single friend greeted me. Everyone has forgotten me. Everybody. That's why I didn't even have a birthday, there was no cake, no party, no presents, so I decided that I hadn't even aged a year. I deserve an extra year!

V spent New Years in a ski resort and invited me to join him. But the plane ticket would have been very expensive for me, not to mention the accommodation and skiing (which he offered to pay for, but I couldn't accept it) and I couldn't even take a day off from work, so I couldn't go... and R also invited me to a party and everything was going well until the day before when he canceled it. R gave a rather evasive answer, and it was very disappointing, especially since he thought he was in time so that I could plan something else… So on New Year's Eve, I was alone, drank palinka and went out into the city and watched with strangers and couples as Budapest was flooded with fireworks.

I was so lonely that my chest broke...

I have terrible headaches. Up to dizziness, nausea, uncontrollable breathing and crying. I sweat and my limbs are cold, I often don't feel the temperature, I'm not cold, I'm not hungry or thirsty, there were days when I just lay there and couldn't open my eyes. I have no energy, I can't move around the apartment, but I can't fall asleep. January is slowly coming to an end and I realized that I haven't slept in a month and a half (just 3-5 hours a day, and that's horrific).

Weeks passed like this. My family members tried to talk to me, but they complain a lot about each other (for reasons) and I can't add to that. I feel smaller and smaller. I visited them a week ago because I thought I could stand their company, but I couldn't. I locked myself in the room and couldn't stand to get up, look at them or speak to them. We had a fight that morning when I got home. I mean, I just ran away…

By the end of January, I seem to be pulling myself together. I talk more with my friends, I went skating, V and I wrote more recently and talked about seeing each other this year (he still lives two thousand kilometers away, but it seems he hasn't forgotten about me and that's warm me up), and I finally reconciled with R as well. It is true that sometimes he says things that hurt me, but at the same time I am not well either, and my reactions are also because of my wounded soul, not only because R is so hot & cold with me. It's true both but not fair, but none of us are perfect. And I can (have to) accept it.

But I always remind myself of my goals and how crappy the last month and most of my teenage years have been, and I promise myself that I won't let myself down again.

I've had a shitty month, but now I'm looking to the future. I learn more. I'm working on my motorcycle license, I'm studying to be a photographer (my coworkers support and are happy for me), I go to the library to study aaaand sleep a little haha, my friends and colleagues motivate me in training and running, I'm learning Spanish and soon I'll be taking guitar lessons. I still love playing on the playstation, and I want to finish The Last of Us again! I still go to the animal shelter to walk dogs, but unfortunately it only happens once a month due to studying and my work. I miss the dogs, but I will see them this week :) I tried 1-2 new restaurants and cafes this month, so that if I eat a little, at least it's delicious. But the goal is still to train with a high protein intake, so that's what I'm going to focus on!

This cinnamon and chocolate roll is my new favourite snack while I'm at the library 🤍

[cryptidsurveys]

Monday, October 21st, 2024.

What do you want for your birthday? It would be nice to go out to eat or maybe see a movie if one interests me, but aside from that (and maybe some snowy weather), I don't really want anything.

What’s your favorite flavor of tea? I prefer black tea with a bit of milk.

What’s your favorite fall drink? Maybe hot chocolate or pumpkin spice coffee.

What’re you going to be for Halloween? I bought some cat ears to wear to the animal shelter, but I have no plans to dress up beyond that. I will be decorating the house and handing out candy, though - for the first time in several years.

Do you think you’ve learned a lot and grown a lot in the past year? Oh yeah. I probably did more "growing up" over the last year than I did during the whole last decade…maybe even the last 15 years. Things just finally started to click.

Are you satisfied with how you’ve spent your year? Yeah, for the most part. I feel like I'm not spending enough time with my cats, but many people work and have to be away from their pets, so maybe that's just part of life.

What’s something you’ve learned lately? That I'm probably more capable than I give myself credit for.

Do you have a lot of friends? No. I have one best friend and that's basically it. I get along well with a few people at the animal shelter, but I would consider them more like acquaintances/fun coworkers than actual friends.

Do you own a yellow scarf? I knitted a yellow scarf for my dad a few years ago, but I don't own one myself.

Do you own brown shoes? My (now retired) hiking shoes are brown.

Do you own anything leopard print? I don't.

Will you buy a cake for your next birthday? Hmm. Probably not.

Are you counting down the days until your birthday right now? No.

Are you excited for something currently? Liv is back at the shelter! She left a while back due to a knee injury and wasn't originally planning on returning, but she started again today. We've got such a good cattery group right now.

If you could change just one thing about your life right now, what would it be? No more migraines. If I could just get rid of them (or drastically reduce them), then I think I could have the life I'm striving for.

What’s your favorite color? Earthy autumn hues, dark/pine green, dark/blood red, black, gold…

Have you ever been to a school dance? Only in middle school. I'm pretty sure I never attended any high school dances. Definitely never prom.

Do you make a list of goals at the beginning of each week? No.

Are you artistic? Somewhat.

When was that last time you drew a picture in a sketchbook? I have no idea. I only create digital art these days.

Is there a tree right outside your bedroom window? No.

Is it windy right now where you are? Yeah.

Is it raining? Not currently, but we did get a good bit of rain over the past few days.

What’s something about you that makes you different from everyone else? I don't know… I feel different/weird, but I can't pinpoint exactly what makes me feel that way. I've felt slightly out of step with society and my peers since I was little, so… (shrug)

Do you dress the same way as your peers? At the moment, my only "peers" are people at the animal shelter. At least when it comes to work garb, we do mostly dress the same.

Do you talk the same way as your peers? I guess so. I just feel like they're more effortlessly social than I am. Has your phone ever done that weird feedback thing where you can hear your voice repeated back to you right after you speak? That's how I feel pretty much any time I try to say more than a single sentence.

Do you have the same life goals as your friends? I'm sure we have some things in common.

Are you having a good day? Yeah!

Is your hair red? It's brown.

Do you like brownies? Yesss. I have some cream cheese brownies in the fridge and they're so rich and delicious.

Have you ever dressed up as a witch on Halloween? When I was a child.

What’s one color that you never wear because it doesn’t look good on you? I think I look okay in most colors. On the flipside, though, I didn't realize how good I looked in pine green until just recently.

Have you ever been to a masquerade? No.

Do you eat vegetables? Yeah.

Do you wear leggings? No.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? I can't think of anyone specifically, but as a concept, I wouldn't doubt it.

Who is the most inappropriate person you know? Lmao, Paris. She's an absolute hoot.

What year in your life do you think you were the least attractive? I'm not sure.

Did anything bad happen to you in August? That's when Alex started to become increasingly intolerable, but it was also when I found out she would be leaving soon, so…!

Who in your phone has a heart after their name? No one.

What was the last movie you watched? With who? I went to see Wild Robot with my mom a few weeks ago.

Anything you’re avoiding? Ehhh.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? Perfect health.

If your parents searched your room, would they be angry at what they’d find? I don't think so.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? No.

Have you given somebody more second chances than you can count? Yeah.

After breaking up, what’s the worst? Probably the initial grieving period. Restructuring or continuing your life without them. Erasing them instead of trying to preserve their memory (like you might do with a loved one). Stupid dreams.

Do you think your last ex deserves to die? No.

Do any girls like the last guy you kissed? I have no idea.

Are you happier now than you were three months ago? I was pretty happy then (I was excited about increasing my time at the shelter and feeling rather accomplished), but I think I'm more content now. Plus, it's autumn. My favorite season. <3

Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Sort of? At least lately?

Have you done anything sexual today? No.

Is there something you want to say to someone but can’t or won’t? Yeah.

Do you have a second mom? No.

Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? No.

[t-am-i-the-asshole]

AITA for calling out a coworker who uses my birthday as a way to treat her kids?

I Sara (31F) work in a relatively small office of about 30. When co-workers birthday's roll around I am usually the resident baker that make them what they want or buy them what they want. I am big on making birthday's special.

That being said, usually on my birthday there is this one co-worker, we shall call her, Minnie the Moocher (41F), who for some reason takes it upon herself to be the self-proclaimed handler of my birthdays and every year she likes to get me a cookie cake. This is her favorite, not mine, but for some reason she has decided it is my favorite.

I have tried to tell her directly and indirectly that I do NOT like cookie cakes, but she laughs it off and says. "Oh, I get it for you so I can take the leftovers home to my kids." She says this because the cookie cakes are mostly not eaten by all and I do usually tell her to take it home because I won't. It should be noted that all cakes, etc. are paid for by the company, even if I make it.

Last year she was on vacation during my birthday, another coworker, we will call her Linda, bought my cake that year and she got my favorite, a Chantilly cake from Whole Foods. This is the same I bought for her the year before and she remembered I told her it was my favorite and so she got me the same.

This year my birthday rolled around and Linda was all set to order a Chantilly cake, and Minnie got wind of it and told her she would handle it because "Sara likes cookie cakes" Linda is direct and she told her pretty firmly, that I in fact did not like cookie cakes. This upset Minnie, who had her heart set on a cookie cake as before, but Linda was pretty firm. When Linda went to pickup my cake, they told her the cake order had been cancelled. Linda was confused as she ordered the cake the week before and she did not cancel.

Fast forward to next day, by then all in the office knew, they pretty much thought that WF messed up. Linda shared what happened with Minnie. Shockingly, Minnie told Linda that she cancelled the cake because she felt I was ungrateful, that for years I got a cookie cake and I knew that she took it home to her kids as a treat, and that if her kids couldn't have anything neither could I. Seriously, she said this and Linda was speechless...for about 2 seconds.

I got wind of this and also confronted Minnie asking her why she did this and she told me the same, that it was the only time other than her birthday that she can take this treat home to her kids and she felt I was being a witch and didn't deserve anything. I rarely lose my temper but on this I told her that she was an AH for doing this and using me and my birthday. I feel bad, but at the same time this is not my responsibility. Just to note, Minnie is not destitute, just cheap.

So am I the AH? BTW, HR is involved now.

[phoenix-alive]

life level up // growing pains

The past handful of days, I was in New Jersey at my aunt and uncles place with their kids, my parents, my brother, his fiancee, and their kids. I had been recovering from dramatic sleep deprivation, and I was tired the whole time; not to mention this was a foray back into drinking alcohol and eating serious amounts of gluten and sugar. I felt the days pass in a blur, but one that made me mostly happy, save for a few visceral nightmares that I chalk up to a moldy bedroom. I got to talk with my cousin who I lived with when she was in middle school and who's now in Florida for college. I spent more quality time with my brother and his fiancee and with their kids. We had a rejuvenating morning at Sea Bright beach followed by chicken wings, calamari and breaded shrimp, and blueberry lemon drop -- one of the best cocktails I've had in years (actually one of the first I've ordered in years since I don't normally drink). On sunday I drove us home for the entire three hour drive, and then went for a practice of the parallel park after some Mission BBQ.

Yesterday, June 17th, the sun sweltered down as I anxiously took, and (barely) passed my driver's test. It wasn't for lack of skill, but my nerves got to me in the end, and I rolled over the first white line in the parking lot. Minus 16 points. The guy testing me was the man who taught my second lesson -- the strict teacher, who told me he used to race Porsches. One of the biggest takeaways from him was to look out at where you're going, not where you are. The other was that the speed limit is the limit. There's no going 5 miles over the speed. You go the speed limit. So, when I saw it was him testing me, I got excited. Then, as I was rolling towards my first white line of the exam, I remembered THIS IS A TEST and HE'S THE ONE TESTING ME, and I felt panic flares shoot through me. I rolled over the white line. My nerves had me in a chokehold, so that when I rolled through my left turn off Arlene street and onto Jonestown Road, my speed jumped up much too quickly. The teacher I'd had in the minutes prior to this test warned me, but I'd developed a false sense of security with him that if I put my foot on the break and fixed it, I was in the clear. My examiner wasn't supposed to talk, but he said to me, "you're gonna get yourself in trouble." I brought it way down from there, and the rest of the test I spend making sure I kept it at 25, which was actually between 23 and 26. He told me at the end that I almost flunked because of that, since after rolling over that white line I had no room left for error. Since I caught on quick, he didn't dock me any more for it. I'm not sure if begrudgingly, but he gave me my license. Not the best feeling, but as time passed, I started to forget the little mistakes and realize that in the grand scheme of things, I had finally passed thing long, long and drawn out hurdle. My parents took me to a restaurant I found in Camp Hill called Watershed, right next to Cornerstone Coffee Shop where I used to play gigs a decade earlier. I had an incredible karage appetizer, an herbal cocktail that I couldn't finish and a Waygu burger that I just finished for lunch.

This morning was my first solo drive. Somehow, it fucking terrified me. Maybe it was just because I hadn't been eating or sleeping well. Last night at 10pm we all tasted the PA Bakery cake that my parents had got me as a congrats/late birthday cake and I felt it sitting heavy in me when the clock dragged through 7am to 8 to 9 to 10. I was ready at the last second, but made it in plenty of time. Inside, I was shaking from some residual driving nerves, and a bit from the AC and my negatized body state. The interview was actually super easy, as all my experience in freelance gave me plenty to speak to in terms of working with customers and coworkers. He offered me the job on the spot. On my way out, I claimed my free coffee -- a chocolate creme cold brew -- that I'd put in the car to save until I got home. I sat in the car for a moment, alone in my car, having just been offered a job. It felt like a new level of adulthood.

The drive home was dicier than the drive here. Getting into Starbucks was fine, but getting out threw me for a curveball. It was a left turn out of their lot into traffic that was backed up at a light. I awkwardly drove out only to realize there wasn't space and I was angled horizontal. I think I said audibly "this is so awkward, this is ... so awkward" as I reversed and tried to correct my position in the queue. Thinking about it now, I don't think that was the worst thing that I could have done, but then for some bizarre, heat and stress-induced reason, I became convinced that to my right was another lane that nobody was in and I could just go that way. So I inched into this lane. When the light turned green I continued on only to realize this was in no way a lane but just a huge shoulder that I was inching through like a fucking idiot. At least, I think it was. I could hear my driving teacher's voice in my head and that snapped me into control. My lane was disappearing, just as someone tried to slide past me. I'm not 100% sure, but I think we had the barest brush of contact for a second, which I've chosen not to inform anyone about. I stared at the car for too long wondering what to do, and then realized I just needed to focus and figure out how to get myself home, since I'd missed almost every turn my maps app had dictated to me. Eventually, I made it home, relieved that I had completed my first solo drive without completely succumbing to panic that I was alone. Since I'll be working there starting July 1st, I'll have plenty of time to learn the ins and outs of the drive. I just hope nobody in the Starbucks saw my exit fumbles and questioned this person they had just hired.

Upon arriving home, I had some of my Choco Cream Cold Brew and texted people about my successful drive and job. I wanted to get home and write this while it was fresh, but I ended up sitting around decompressing for the hour leading up to my haircut at 1:30. My dad had gone to Wendy's to get me the orange creamsicle frostee, but we'd waited too many months and they only had triple berry. It tasted like frozen yogurt -- I'm going to love that later. I sat letting the time pass and feeling how badly I needed to come down from the chaos of the past handful of days. When I saw Crystal at 1:30, she gave me an incredible haircut; a skrillex-style 2010s shaved-sides-long-top style that I wish I had a decade ago. There's a lot of stuff that feels like I should have done a decade ago. I guess it's better late than never. I have a few days until I leave for my physical therapy in NYC that I hope will be life-changing. The day before I leave I'm going to Pride. The day before that, I'll be getting dinner with my best friend to celebrate my string of successes. I'm trying to forget the fact that they felt like near-failures. I'm telling myself that more lessons are learned from near-failures than perfect successes. Maybe I didn't ace the driving stuff, but I did pass, and that's been a decade coming. The interview I actually did ace, and I think I was just too tired from everything else to appreciate it. This week is going to be in the 90s, and it flashes me back to a year ago, the heat waves in Beijing. I'm slowly accepting that while I will never be going back to that, my life is moving forward in its own way.

There are all kinds of other threads weaving in and out of my brain, but maybe that's the problem I'm suffering right now. It's summer and I should be able to relax a bit more than I am. When I get back from physical therapy, it will be July and work will start. Summer will hit its peak, and I should be able to have long evenings out, at least on the days I'm not learning to be a barista. The time will fly, but this time because I'm driving it forward. I just need to teach my mind to hold onto stability in the interims.

[heavyasafeather]

2023

1. What did you do in 2023 that you’d never done before?

I don't know if this counts because it’s not like I’ve never played any videogames before, but since I’m not really a gamer, and the only real game that I’ve actually enjoyed to the point of obsession was Far Cry: Primal, playing Hogwarts Legacy definitely took over my life.

I also finally pierced my ears... and then tried to hide it from my dad for about 4 months.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I told myself to workout during lunch or take the stairs more, and I barely did that. I usually don't make resolutions, I don't even know why I tried.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

--

4. Did anyone close to you die?

--

5. What countries did you visit?

--

6. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023?

Joji.

7. What date from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 13th, 2023 - I saw Joji at the Forum.

June 24th, 2023 - I pierced my ears.

August 6th, 2023 - I bought tickets last minute to see Joji at Bleached Fest.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Realizing I don’t want to be stuck at my current job, then telling my boss that I was unhappy and that I wanted to go to school, and him being really supportive.

Going back to school.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Telling some people that I was quitting my job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Any of the tickets to see Joji.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

?

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

If cancer was a person, I would murder that motherfucker. Also, I'm pretty sure my manager gaslighted me earlier this year.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, school.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Joji at the Forum.

16. What song will always remind you of 2023?

The Cactus Blooms, "Mississippi" Hot Hot Heat, "Magnitude" Daneshevskaya, "Estuary Dig" Vaundry, "Odoriko" The Specials, "Gangsters"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder.

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter.

iii. richer or poorer? I feel poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Skating.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Going to work.  Caring

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve: Literally binging The Last of Us. Christmas day: I went home, and didn't do shit for the rest of the day, except like play Hogwarts Legacy.

21. Did you fall in love in 2023?

With Special Agent Dale Cooper? Yeah, maybe.

22. How will you be spending New Years?

Probably binge watching some show with Adam. Yeah, he's got on Succession right now, but I'm not even paying attention.

23. How many one-night stands?

0.

24. What was your favourite TV program?

Orville! TWIN PEAKS!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

If cancer was a person...

26. What was the best book you read?

--

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

...binaural beats?

28. What did you want and get?

To see Joji. I also got a Twin Peaks shirt for Christmas.

29. What did you want and not get?

To see Joji at the Crypto.com Arena in October.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

The Whale. No Hard Feelings. Killers of the Flower Moon? I don't know. I can tell you what movies I hated: Incendies. or Brimstone. (No, they both were good - just what the fuck).

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 32. The day of: I went to work, but my coworker made me cake. And then I went to Korean BBQ with my parents. The Monday before, my Japanese teacher made me dinner and bought me a piece of cake and flan, and we just hung out; it was pretty sweet of her, and she also got me a kiiroitori stuffed animal.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?

Being able to start school right when I was wanting to quit my job.

Having the balls to tell people to shut the fuck up.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023?

Scrubs.

34. What kept you sane?

Nothing - I’m pretty sure this is the most I’ve ever had a panic/anxiety attack. Weekends watching Twin Peaks.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Seriously? ...also young Kyle Maclachlan was a new one.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

I just... don't.

37. Who did you miss?

I'm not sure if I did. There's one person I think about often, but then I get just mad because I doubt they give a shit (or ever did for how seemingly easy it was for them to just drop me).

38. Who was the best new person you met?

You know, she's not new - but my Japanese teacher has been amazing - she's basically become my new grandma.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023:

--

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

And I move lightly in the dawn. Try to, gently ever on the lee. Though, I liked summer light on you. If we ride a winter-long wind. Though, time's not what I belong to, and I'm not the season I'm in.

[flirting-with-psychology]

Stayed single almost the whole year? 2015: You fucking know it

2016: Same

2017: Almost

2018: Almost, no official relationships or anything

2019: I was taken for most of the year!

2020: Nope! I had a boyfriend the whole year :)

2021: No, had a boyfriend the whole year!

2022: No, I had a boyfriend all year!

2023: Nope!

Were involved In something you’ll never forget? 2015: Yeah

2016: Yeah, band

2017: My film class

2018: Yeah, Macy’s and the film stuff I did and my house

2019: The B Flat

2020: My relationship, other than that this year was uneventful

2021: Some of the films

2022: Good Night Oppy

2023: My friend group

Tripped over a coffee table? 2015: Most likely

2016: I can’t recall but probably

2017: There’s like a 98% chance I did

2018: Definitely

2019: Yup, and all the tables at work

2020: Hit my toe on a table leg and it hurt for weeks

2021: Probably

2022: I did not have a coffee table otherwise I would have

2023: No, I didn't have a coffee table

Dyed your hair? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No but planning on it

2019: Kinda but it didn’t really take

2020: No

2021: No

2022: Yes! My friend helped me dye it a red ombre

2023: I think I redid the red ombre a couple times

Came close to losing your life? 2015: No

2016: A car cut me off at a crosswalk so maybe

2017: Probably not

2018: No

2019: No

2020: Not unless I was exposed to covid

2021: Probably not

2022: Not that I know of

2023: No

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: I saw some musicals live

2020: No

2021: No

2022: Idk if I’d say they were my favorites, but I saw AJR and Panic! At the Disco

2023: Yes! I saw Taylor Swift

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…

Did you meet any new friends this year? 2015: Yeah I did, and I got closer to old friends

2016: Yeah

2017: Yeah

2018: Yeah

2019: A couple

2020: I met some friends online in an Among Us group

2021: A couple, and I met the among us group in person

2022: Dunno if I met any this year but I definitely became better friends with my DnD groups and some people at work

2023: I met a couple in my dnd group

Did you hate anyone? 2015: Not really hate, but dislike

2016: Same

2017: Yeah kinda

2018: I really didn’t like a coworker (but now we are friends) and a friend’s girlfriend (who I still don’t like)

2019: Not actively

2020: I hate Trump and Mitch McConnell

2021: Idk

2022: Not personally

2023: Not really

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? 2015: I wish I could have found roommates

2016: I wish I had gotten closer to people on my study abroad. But my roommate was nice and I still talk to her every so often, so that’s cool. A note on last year, I’m glad I didn’t end up living with the friends I was thinking about living with because their apartment got condemned and they had to move to a suburb and commute to school, then one got a girlfriend and moved out and the other one is with her boyfriend a lot so I would have been stuck all by myself out in the middle of nowhere

2017: I kind of regret not getting closer to my roommates

2018: I regret that I don’t value some of them as much as I should

2019: Not spending more time with them once I got a boyfriend. I swore I wouldn’t be that person who ditches their friends once they get into a relationship

2020: I wish it hadn’t gone to shit in my house because of covid

2021: Maybe not hanging out and keeping in touch enough

2022: Maybe not taking full advantage of friendships because I’m awkward

2023: Not getting as close to my friends as they got to each other

Did you miss any friends? 2015: A little

2016: A little

2017: A little

2018: A little

2019: Yes but it turned out she was just out of the country

2020: I miss all my friends

2021: Yes

2022: A little

2023: Yeah

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: YOUR BIRTHDAY…

Did you have a cake? 2015: It had a piece of cake

2016: No, I had IHOP

2017: No, I had pancakes

2018: No, I had chocolate mousse

2019: Yes

2020: Bundt cake

2021: No, I had chocolate fondue

2022: No, I had chocolate fondue

2023: No, I had wine-soaked pears

Did you have a party? 2015: No, I went to Vegas

2016: No, I went to brunch with my parents then played in my last home football game as part of the band

2017: Kinda, we did an escape room and then went to dinner

2018: No, just a couple of friends out to dinner

2019: We went to an escape room a couple weeks later because my actual birthday got snowed out

2020: No because of covid

2021: No, I was visiting my boyfriend’s family for thanksgiving

2022: No, I went to see a musical with my mom and then dinner with my boyfriend

2023: I had a murder mystery dinner party with my friends

Did you get any presents? 2015: Yeah

2016: Yeah, and a win

2017: Yeah

2018: Yeah a few

2019: Yeah

2020: Yeah

2021: Yeah

2022: Yeah

2023: Yeah

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: ALL ABOUT YOU…

Did you change at all this year? 2015: I believe so

2016: I’m sure I did

2017: I’m sure I will always change

2018: Yes but not as much as I had hoped or in the ways I wanted

2019: Probably a little

2020: I got worse

2021: Yeah I think so

2022: Yeah, worried less about covid and put myself out there more

2023: Not that much

Were you in school? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: For part of the year but then I gruaduated

2018: No

2019: No

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Did you own a car? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: No

2020: I bought a car in September!

2021: Yes :)

2022: Yes!

2023: Yes

Did anyone close to you give birth? 2015: No

2016: Not really close, but my mom’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter did

2017: No

2018: No but I’m starting to be friends with people who have kids

2019: No

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Did you go on any vacations? 2015: Yeah, I went on 2 road trips and I think a couple others

2016: I studied abroad in Italy and went on 2 away trips with the band, and about to go on a third

2017: I went to London, New Orleans, and Wyoming for the eclipse

2018: I went to Las Vegas for a film shoot

2019: I went to Israel and a few smaller trips

2020: I went to Harry Potter World with my boyfriend

2021: A small one

2022: I made up for lost time and went to visit my boyfriend’s family in Chicago, friends in St. Louis, my cousin’s wedding in California, my aunts in New York

2023: I went to Vegas, New Jersey, and Chicago

2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23: WRAP UP…

Was 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23 a good year? 2015: It was better than 2014

2016: Not as good as I hoped, but some things were good. The football team had a really good year

2017: It was pretty good. The football team did not have as good a year

2018: Overall I think so

2019: It was alright

2020: No

2021: Not really but it was a little better than last year

2022: It was pretty good

2023: It was pretty good

Do you think 2016/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24 will top 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23? 2015: I hope so

2016: I hope so

2017: I’m not sure, but I hope so

2018: I hope so, I kind of have a good feeling about it

2019: I hope so

2020: God I fucking hope so

2021: If it doesn’t I don’t know what I’d do

2022: I hope so, hopefully there won’t be some new bullshit

2023: I'm not sure

IN THE YEAR 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23 I CONFESS THAT I…

Kissed in the snow? 2015: No

2016: Still no

2017: No, but there’s still time

2018: No

2019: Yep!

2020: I can’t remember

2021: Maybe?

2022: Don’t think so

2023: Not sure

Done something you’ve regretted? 2015: Slightly

2016: Some things, but nothing big

2017: Probably

2018: Yes

2019: Probably

2020: Nothing major

2021: Nothing major

2022: Probably a bit

2023: A little, I've said a couple things I regret

Painted a picture? 2015: Yes, with watercolors with some girls in my hall

2016: I can’t recall

2017: No

2018: No

2019: Yes, with wax

2020: Don’t think so

2021: No, but I have painted some minis

2022: No

2023: No

Wrote a poem? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes. Only one or two though, not nearly as much as I used to

2017: I don’t think so actually

2018: I don’t think so

2019: No

2020: Don’t think so

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No, I haven't done that so much lately

Ran a mile? 2015: Nope

2016: I probably did cumulatively, in all of 2016, run a total of at least a mile. But not on its own, no

2017: Maybe on the elliptical

2018: On the elliptical

2019: On the elliptical probably

2020: No

2021: I think I actually did one time on the elliptical

2022: On the ellliptical

2023: Maybe on the elliptical

Visited a foreign country? 2015: No

2016: Yes, Italy

2017: Yes, England and France

2018: No

2019: Yes, Israel

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Cut in a line of waiting people? 2015: Probably by accident

2016: Probably

2017: Probably

2018: Probably

2019: Maybe

2020: Don’t think so

2021: Dunno

2022: I probably cut a bunch of people in the Taylor Swift ticketmaster queue

2023: Not on purpose

IN 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23 I…

Broke a promise? 2015: Probably

2016: Probably

2017: Probably

2018: Probably

2019: Probably

2020: I’m sure I did

2021: Probably

2022: Probably

2023: Probably, but nothing big

Lied? 2015: Probably

2016: Probably

2017: Yes

2018: Yes, but just little white lies

2019: Yes

2020: Maybe just little white lies

2021: Yes

2022: Probably

2023: Probably just little white lies

Disappointed someone close? 2015: Probably, I know I disappointed my parents a couple times

2016: Probably

2017: I know I disappointed my parents a couple times

2018: Probably

2019: Probably my boyfriend a few times

2020: I’m sure I did

2021: I know I disappointed my dad

2022: Probably disappointed my boyfriend

2023: Yes

Had a secret? 2015: Not really

2016: A couple

2017: Not really

2018: Maybe kinda

2019: Not anything big reallyy

2020: Not really

2021: A little

2022: Yeah a bit

2023: Not really

Pretended to be happy? 2015: Yes

2016: Sometimes

2017: Sometimes

2018: Yes, when I needed to

2019: Sometimes

2020: Occasionally, but didn’t really try

2021: Sometimes

2022: Sometimes

2023: Sometimes

Slept under the stars? 2015: In a tent

2016: Don’t think so

2017: In a tent

2018: No

2019: In a tent community

2020: No

2021: No and I have no idea what I was talking about in 2019

2022: No

2023: No

Kept your new year’s resolution? 2015: Some of them

2016: Probably a few of them

2017: Probably some

2018: I don’t even remember what they were

2019: Some of them

2020: A few of them

2021: Some of them

2022: Some of them probably

2023: Some of them

Forgot your new year’s resolution? 2015: I wrote them down

2016: Yes

2017: Yep

2018: Did I even make one?

2019: I wrote them down

2020: I wrote them down

2021: Yeah

2022: I wrote them down but never looked at them again

2023: I wrote them down

Met someone who changed your life? 2015: Yes

2016: Probably

2017: Yes

2018: I’m sure I did

2019: Didn’t meet him this year but he has

2020: Not that I know of

2021: No one who has changed it yet

2022: Maybe

2023: Not that I know of, but maybe in the future

Changed your outlook on life? 2015: I believe so

2016: Maybe for the worse. Hopefully I’ll get over that

2017: Maybe

2018: Idk

2019: Not really

2020: I think I got disenfranchised with capitalism and feared death more

2021: Starting to change my balance of risk vs reward

2022: Got a lot more relaxed about covid

2023: Not really

Sat home all day doing nothing? 2015: Yup

2016: Yup

2017: I’m sure I did

2018: Probably but not enough

2019: Yup

2020: Like most days

2021: Yeah

2022: Yup

2023: Yup

Learned something new about yourself? 2015: Yes

2016: Probably

2017: Maybe

2018: Maybe

2019: I learned what I’m like in a relationship

2020: Probably

2021: Idk

2022: Sorta

2023: Not really

Met great people? 2015: Yeah!

2016: Yep!

2017: Yep!

2018: Yep!

2019: I think so, I honestly can’t remember who I met when

2020: Didn’t meet a ton of people

2021: A couple

2022: Got closer with some people

2023: Didn't meet a ton of people

Kissed someone that means a lot to you? 2015: Yes, unfortunately I don’t mean a lot to him anymore. Not even sure if I did then

2016: No. I mean, I kissed one of my friends drunkenly, an she means a lot to me as a friend, but no one romantically

2017: I’m not sure yet how much he means to me. But we are dating

2018: Yes, but so far I’m not sure whether he means a lot to me as a friend or as a romantic interest

2019: Yes!

2020: Yes :)

2021: Yes

2022: Yes

2023: Yes

Stayed up till sunrise? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: Yes, on my film project. I couldn’t even see the sunrise, I just walked outside and it was daytime

2018: Yes on a film shoot

2019: Probably

2020: Yes

2021: Yes, and always felt like I failed when I did

2022: I actually don’t know if I did

2023: I don't think I did actually

Cried over the silliest thing? 2015: I’m sure I did when I was PMSing

2016: Yes

2017: Yes

2018: Yes

2019: Too often

2020: Yes

2021: Yes

2022: Yes

2023: Yes

Had friends who were drifting away from you? 2015: Yes

2016: Yes

2017: Yes

2018: Yeah Kylie kind of did

2019: Kylie and Shaina

2020: Yes, especially my roommates

2021: Yeah unfortunately

2022: Yeah a little

2023: Yeah it kinda feels like my friends are getting closer with each other than they are with me

Had a high cell phone bill? 2015: Not too bad

2016: It increased a bit, but my parents pay most of it

2017: It decreased because the phone itself got paid off

2018: Lol I still have to pay that

2019: I think it’s the same

2020: No, I don’t remember if I even paid my dad

2021: Not really but I got a new phone

2022: Yeah, I always have to pay for an extra gb each month

2023: I think I just paid my dad a lump sum

Spent most of your money on food? 2015: Quite a bit

2016: That and clothes I don’t need

2017: No, rent

2018: No, rent and shit from Macy’s

2019: Not most of it

2020: Mostly rent

2021: No, mostly dnd stuff

2022: No, mostly DnD stuff and crafts

2023: No, mostly random stuff and tickets

Had a fist fight? 2015: No

2016: No

2017: No

2018: No

2019: No

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

2023: No

Gotten sick? 2015: Yeah for like half this entire semester. Also got shingles over the summer

2016: Still dealing with my immune system’s decision to just fucking walk out

2017: yes, but not so much now that I’m not in school

2018: Yes, I had a cough that lasted 2 months

2019: I had the stomach flu

2020: I think I had a cold once, it was kind of nice not getting sick every month this year

2021: No, it’s the longest time I’ve ever gone without getting sick

2022: I finally got a cold again after like 3 years and then got another one a week later

2023: I finally got covid

Liked more than 5 people at the same time? 2015: Not seriously. I had brief little interests that overlapped but I don’t think more than 3 at a time that I really liked

2016: Yeah I think so

2017: Not sure

2018: Probably

2019: Not really other than fleeting attractions

2020: No

2021: I don’t think 5

2022: Not 5

2023: No

Became closer with a lot of people? 2015: A few

2016: Not really

2017: A couple

2018: A few

2019: With a couple people

2020: With my boyfriend

2021: No

2022: A few

2023: A couple

Song that reminds you of summer 2015/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23? 2015: Can’t Help Falling In Love

2016: Bring Him Home

2017: In A Crowd of Thousands

2018: Moving Out

2019: Some jewish song?

2020: Epiphany

2021: Dangerous to Dream

2022: Anything by AJR because I saw them in concert

2023: Long Live

Lost any friends this year? 2015: Yes. One because she was a bitch

2016: A friend died in April, and I found out about it in June. I don’t know how he died, we had not been close in awhile

2017: Temporarily

2018: My last roommates

2019: Not really

2020: Probably my roommates

2021: Not really I don’t think

2022: Not really

2023: Not really

When people say, “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked shit about anyone” do you think it’s possible? 2015: Possibly but probably not likely. For awhile I used to think I wasn’t judgmental before I realized I actually am

2016: Unlikely. I’m petty af now

2017: Probably not

2018: Probably not, they probably do even if they don’t mean to

2019: Probably not

2020: Probably not

2021: Probably not unless they have some toxic positivity issues

2022: Doubtful

2023: Doubtful, but some people think in fundamentally different ways than I do

How do you feel about gay marriage? 2015: So glad it’s legal!

2016: Same

2017: Same

2018: It’s great!

2019: Great!

2020: Great!

2021: Love it

2022: Lov it

2023: Love it

Give me a random lyric from the song you’re listening to: 2015: I can’t really make out lyrics

2016: I’m not listening to anything

2017: I’m not listening to anything

2018: I’m not listening to anything

2019: Not listening to anything

2020: If the shoe fits, walk in it Til your high heels break

2021: Not listening to anything

2022: I’m not listening to anything

2023: It's an ad

Do you think you’re approachable? 2015: Not as much as I would like to be

2016: Haven’t solved this problem yet

2017: Not as much as I would like to be

2018: Not as much as I would like to be

2019: Only by customers

2020: Not lately, I would like it if people did not approach me

2021: Not really

2022: Not really

2023: Not really, I wish I was

Do you make sexual innuendos about everything? 2015: Kinda

2016: Not as much as I used to

2017: Only on occasion

2018: Sometimes

2019: Not as much as I used to

2020: Not as much as I used to

2021: Sometimes if I have the right crowd

2022: Yeah I’ve been doing it more again now that I’m comfortable with my friend groups

2023: Sometimes

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? 2015: Not unless it’s like my parents or something

2016: No

2017: Not really

2018: Not really

2019: No

2020: No

2021: Not really

2022: No

2023: Not really, but sometimes I wonder if I share tmi

Who is the last person you texted? 2015: My friend Kylie

2016: My mom

2017: Guacamole

2018: My friend Sara

2019: The art director from the shoot last year

2020: My boyfriend

2021: My mom

2022: Liked a message from my mom

2023: My friend group

Song playing right now? 2015: Because We can

2016: Nothing

2017: Nothing

2018: Nothing, but She Used to be Mine is paused on Spotify

2019: Nothing

2020: Epiphany (but the song that was playing when I answered the lyrics question was Long Story Short)

2021: Nothing

2022: Nothing

2023: Finale B from Rent