#last time my card got locked (sending money to a group doing a bus ride to dc for Palestine protesting) I didn’t get a notification/case no

[badolmen]

I’m really frustrated my card got locked on Friday - I’ve been going through donating $5 to roughly 12-14 campaigns for weeks now but this week it gets flagged as potential fraud? Not only that the company is closed on the weekends so I have to wait until Monday to unlock my card (if I was still living alone and had to buy my own groceries/pay for gas I would be in trouble).

[bruciewayne]

mr. rogers & dr. stark

stevetony, teachers au, secret relationship

‘field trip’, @iron-man-bingo

-

“Okay, thanks for packing away earlier,” Steve starts, as a couple people are putting away some of their supplies, “as some of you may know, Dr. Banner and Dr. Stark’s classes are going on field trips and both of them have spare places, so everyone who’s doing ‘manmade’ for their projects, the blue sheets are for Dr. Stark’s trip, everyone who’s doing ‘natural’, the green sheets are for Dr. Banners.”

He hands out the sheets - he knows what everyone is doing, as he talks, “The physics trip is going to the motor museum on the Thursday and then the space center on Friday, the biology trip is going to the natural history museum and a couple other places. You don’t have to go, but it might be useful for some of you.”

“Mr. Rogers, are you going?” Peter asks - he’s a good kid, and Steve’s fairly sure that he’s going on the physics trip anyway.

“I’m going with Dr. Stark.”

There’s a flurry of laughter and groans, because if there’s anything they know about the interpersonal relationships between their teachers, it’s that Mr. Rogers and Dr. Stark do not get along. Not in a ‘detrimental to learning’ way, more of a ‘they irritate each other and everyone finds it hilarious’. 

“Why are you going with Dr. Stark if you don’t like him?” MJ asks.

And before Steve gets a chance to answer, the man in question walks in, “My ears are burning Rogers, what lies are you filling the youth of today with?”

“We’re talking about the trip, Mr. Stark,” Steve says, emphasis on the ‘Mr’.

“Doctor,” Tony hisses back, before there’s a loud crash in the direction of his classroom and he has to high-tail it out of there, with a cheery goodbye. He’s… eccentric, for lack of a better word, but he’s a good teacher, so that makes up for it.

“Anyway, Mr. Odinson is going on the bio trip, so I’m on physics. Any more questions?”

There’s a resounding ‘no’ from the class, so, after making sure that everything is tidy and put away properly, he lets them go a couple minutes early, it’s Friday and he wants to go home too. 

When everyone’s gone, and it’s long past the end of the school day, he settles down to do some marking but Tony comes back in, sitting right on his lap.

“Hi.”

“Hello,” Steve says, laughing and tightening his arms around his waist, “Mr. Stark.”

Tony scowls, annoyed, but kisses him anyway, “I prefer husband.”

Steve hums, “Me too.” They sit like that in silence for a bit, Tony fully wrapping himself around Steve, cuddling into his chest - he locked the door when he came in and shut the blinds. They’re not particularly ashamed of their relationship, the staff know, and the school is incredibly accepting and diverse, but it’s just fun, sneaking around like this.

“I can’t believe we’re going on a science date and I can’t even hold your hand,” Tony grumbles, apropos of nothing.

“It doesn’t count as a science date if there’s 30 kids coming,” Steve says, laughing, they’ve been to the space center together, early in their relationship, and Steve can’t remember a single thing about space he learned that day, in favour of Tony, and the way he talked and talked about space and told him more about how it worked, more than what was on the captions of the exhibits.

“Date-shmate,” Tony says, shrugging and leaning halfway in for a kiss. 

Steve closes the gap, “It’s gonna be hard,” he mumbles after they pull away.

“Hard?” Tony asks, teasing, with a barely-there roll of his hips. 

Steve very much ignores whatever Tony’s doing from the waist down when they’re at work, it’s in the best interests of everyone if he does.

“Hard not to do this,” he kisses Tony, full and on the lips, “and this,” he kisses his nose, “this,” cheek, “this,” jaw, “and this,” he nibbles gently on the hinge of his jaw, enough to draw blood under his skin, not enough to leave a bruise.

He pulls away, smiling, and gently shoves Tony off his lap so he’s standing up, but Steve keeps his arms around him, “You have essays to grade.”

Tony shakes his head in disbelief, “You’re such an ass, Rogers.”

Steve just grins - he’s not wrong, Tony refuses to take work home, so does Steve, and coming to see Steve just ends up being procrastination. 

He really should give them fewer essays.

“You love my ass,” Steve murmurs, looking up at Tony through his lashes and squeezing his butt, before he pushes him fully away.

“Tease,” Tony breathes, hands coming up to tug on Steve’s tie.

-

Later, Tony makes him pay for the teasing.

“Do you care that much, that none of the kids know about us?” Tony asks, when they’re lying in bed, trying to catch their breath.

Steve’s well used to this, Tony’s pillow talk usually ends up being something to do with what happened that day. Sometimes it’s something entirely left field. Yesterday, he brought up the merits of circle pizzas in square boxes.

“Nah.” In truth, Steve honestly doesn’t really have any reason to hide, other than the sneaking around is funny, and it’s basically habit now.

“Huh.” Tony says, and that could mean a myriad of things, so Steve just rolls over, pulls him flush to his chest and kisses the side of his neck.

“Sleep.”

-

Much later, it’s Thursday morning of the trip, about half of both classes are coming. Steve and Tony stand by the doors of the bus to sign in everyone. When everyone’s seated, Steve stands up at the front, “You’ll know who you’re in a room with when we get there, anyone misbehaves, you’ll be written off the rest of the trip this year, understood?”

When he receives a chorus of ‘Yes, sir’, he sits back down next to Tony and his phone bleeps seconds later.

You’re hot when you’re threatening kids

“Thanks,” he mutters, laughing, “are you just gonna text me for the rest of the trip?”

Unless you want me to tell everyone how much I want your dick right now

“Touché.”

For half of the ride, they’re undisturbed, Tony’s fallen asleep and Steve’s replying to emails on his phone.

Tony stirs, and tucks himself into Steve on instinct - they’re at the front of the coach with a couple rows between them and the kids, “Morning.”

“Not quite,” Steve says, running his hand through his soft, curly, brown hair.

“Ugh,” Tony groans, taking stock of where they were and the road signs outside.

“Hey Dr. Stark!”

Tony does not jump, nor scream, nor yell, because he’s a grown man who doesn’t get spooked by oddly quiet teenagers. He jabs Steve with his elbow in his ribs when he sees him trying, and failing to hide a smile.

“Sorry,” RiRi says, not sounding particularly sorry, “anyway, Peter wanted to know--” “Everyone wants to know!” “--everyone wanted to know if you’re married. Are you?”

“Happily,” Tony says, grouchily.

“Don’t mind him, he’s cranky when he wakes up,” Steve says, grinning at her.

“Are you, Mr. Rogers?” 

Before Steve can respond, Tony takes the question for him, “Nope. One personal question an hour. Ask him about Picasso, or something.”

Steve just shrugs helplessly, RiRi’s not one of his students this year, and she seems to respect Tony enough to go back to her friends and tell them of Tony’s marital status.

They don’t get any more questions until they get to the motor museum.

“Okay, make sure no one wanders off alone, keep in groups or pairs, you can leave your stuff on the bus, but it’s going to be locked until we leave, so take your lunch. Meet back here at quarter to six,” Steve says to everyone before they got off.

“Make sure to take photos and jot down anything you need,” Tony adds.

When everyone gets off, they hand them an emergency contact card, “Remember, me and Mr. Rogers will be around, call us if you need help, or if someone’s injured.”

“I can’t believe they gave us a flip phone,” Tony mutters as they’re left alone, flipping the emergency phone in his hands.

“It’s cheap and lasts a million years, and doesn’t get broken,” Steve reasons, although they both know that he’ll never get Tony to admit that the flip phone is a decent phone. It’s good for its current purpose, but Tony shoves it in Steve’s hands anyway. The sight of it makes him want to start sending carrier pigeons to his lover.

Steve, a Brooklynite, probably would appreciate pigeons.

They wander around the museum for a bit, then sit in the car wing on a bench. Steve does a few observations and Tony flicks through something on his phone.

“Mr. Rogers, can we ask you if you’re married now?”

Tony doesn’t jump this time, but it’s a near thing.

“I am.”

“He’s a looker too,” Tony adds, nudging Steve, who rolls his eyes.

The ‘he’ catches a few of them out, but Steve’s been out, personally and professionally for a good few years now anyway.

“Better looking than yours?” Steve asks Tony.

“You may have decent taste, but mine’s far better,” Tony grins.

The revving of an engine distracts them and they disappear off to watch a demonstration. With the exception of America.

“Dr. Stark,” she starts when Steve goes to the other side of the room, “do you not like Mr. Rogers because he has a husband?”

“What, oh, god no, I have a husband,” Tony says in a rush, “I don’t hate Mr. Rogers, all of this is just teasing, banter, if you may.”

“Good,” she says, and with that, walks away, jogging a little to catch up with her friends.

Tony walks up to Steve, wrapping an arm around him to announce his presence.

“You know, I think it’s about time we come out.”

(When they do, they see money, and other trade goods, pass hands of both students and staff.)

--

iron man bingo masterpost

tell me what you thought?

[ephemeral-writings]

Everything I Need // 02

oh sehun x reader

genre: angst

word count: 1.7k

Everything I Need // oh sehun teaches you a thing or two about life. but falling for the boy who lived across from you was not what you had anticipated. 

Part 01 / Part 02 / Part 03 / Part 04 / Part 05

.

TL @snowflakesandkisses 

You woke up at ten the next morning, stomach empty and begging to be filled. Your last meal was a protein bar and extra leftover fries from your co-worker, it was no wonder you were starving. Your mother would surely frown upon the poor excuse of a meal that was a bar and a bag of chips from the school’s vending machine.

It wasn’t too cold out, but you grabbed a jacket on your way out anyways. Down the street, at the corner of an intersection, was a cheap diner that you frequented, especially when you’ve yet to restock on groceries. What your mom never told you was how expensive it could be to fill the cupboards and fridge with food.

You ordered your usual, a sausage omelette with a hefty side of potatoes because you loved potatoes like it was your lover. As much as you ate at the diner, you hated being outside in general. As you played with your phone, you tried your best to ignore the gnawing loneliness that crept up. You drowned out the sounds of chatter as people of all ages shared a meal together, and you were mostly successful with food to distract you, but then they walked in.

The group was the same age as you, and you knew that because one out of three of them was your classmate. You prayed a silent prayer that they wouldn’t notice you. Kim Jongdae was a social butterfly, and despite you being anything but, he had never failed to flash you a smile and gave you a simple greeting whenever you bumped into each other.

“Oh, hey, Y/N,” Jongdae chirped as his friends walked by to sit in the booth behind you.

“Morning, Jongdae.” You hoped there wasn’t a piece of potato skin stuck in your teeth. Jongdae was a pretty good looking guy, just not your type and you most certainly weren’t his. He asked you about the paper that was due in two weeks time, whether you had started working on it or not, and of course you did. There wasn’t much in your life besides work to distract you.

After exchanging a few more pleasantries, Jongdae rejoined his friends. You overheard one of them ask, “Who was that?”

“She’s in my econ class, we did a project together a while back.”

“Oh.”  

They quickly dropped the subject, and you stopped listening.

Your phone stopped being entertaining when you’ve gone through your e-mails(mostly spam and school related). You never understood how people could stare at their devices for hours on end, two hours was enough to give you a headache. It was twelve by the time you left the diner. On the way back, you stopped by a market and picked up some essentials. You needed at least some source of food before re-stocking with your next paycheck which was due by the end of the next week. Eggs, bread, milk, ramyeon, and a new box of cereal would be more than enough to feed one girl.

You walked back to the apartment with all the items stuffed in one bag, except for the carton of eggs which you held. You decided to stop by the mailroom to check if you had any, which you did. Spam mails from your bank, credit cards ads, and a letter addressed from a correctional facility.

“Hey.”

You snapped your head in the direction of the voice calling your name. Sehun, standing a few feet away, was looking at you with a questioning look.

“You okay?”

You looked at him and back to the letter in your egg carton-free hand. What the hell was it even doing in your mailbox?

You nodded even though you could feel the blood draining from your face. “I’m fine. I gotta go, I’ll see you around. Bye.”

To say Sehun was surprised by how abruptly you had left would be an understatement. Your face had looked pale, but more than that, your hands were shaking as you locked up your mailbox.

As soon as you were in your apartment, you ripped open the envelope. The letter was creased and torn on a few edges  and the writing wasn’t in any better condition. It had, after all, traveled all the way from a penitentiary miles and miles from here.

The day before your high school graduation, your father was incriminated for fraud. Unbeknownst to you and your mother, he had gambled away everything your family owned, including any little money left that was keeping your mother on chemo. In the end, the cancer wasn’t what killed your mother but your father, and for that, you never forgave him. After the funeral and sentencing, you packed everything you could carry and walked out of the empty home. So your father, whom you’ve lost contact with for three years now, how did he find out where’d you lived?

You thought you’d never be faced with the man who was the cause of all your sufferings, but somehow he’s managed to creep back in your life in the form of a letter. Like hell you were going to allow anything further than that. The letter tells you that he was sorry for his mistakes, that he’s repented, and wishes for nothing more than to make things right. His mistakes? They costed your mother’s life. Him realizing his mistakes now wasn’t going to bring her back. Repentment? According to the police, your father had been falsifying fake documents in order to cheat money from the government since before you were born. That was twenty plus years of coming clean of his sins, but of course he’s finally had time to reflect after being caught.

You heaved a few deep breaths, realizing the constriction in your chest. You tear the paper into shreds, until the words were no longer decipherable, much like the father figure in your life.

You brushed whatever tears that unwillingly escaped, and quietly prepared for work.

If it was one thing you could count on, it was work being the worst distraction possible. A bad start to the day just makes the shift that much harder to get through. Your boss lectures you for not properly garnishing dishes, in the middle of a goddamn dinner rush, and you accidentally burn your hand with hot soup in the middle of it all. Just the cherry on top of it all, a man then yells at you for not giving him his food before another table’s when his order came in one minute after.

“Sir, we are working on your order right now. It should be done in any moment.” You try to stay as calm as you possibly can, and placate the angry man. “Why don’t I go check on it, okay?”

Everything was apparently not okay when he hollers back, “Are you even doing your job right?”

Chanyeol, the other server tonight, meets you in the kitchen and murmured under his breath, “You want me to handle it?” You shook your head, willing the hot tears away, but your face was no doubt burning red.

“I’m fine. I got this,” you flashed smile in thanks, but he still looks at you, unsure, as you turn on your heels and head towards the table with the man’s order in your hand. Everyone, and literally everyone, watched as you present it to the man and he all but acknowledges you. Instead, he shot up from his seat, muttering to his wife to stand as well, and promptly stomped out of the restaurant.

To think that was the most that could go wrong. Your boss proceeded to blame you for your lack of competence for not bringing the food to the angry man first, “Because their table only had two orders! You could’ve finished that table’s order before starting on the bigger table! Use your brain, Y/N!”  

You bit your tongue so hard that you broke off a tiny piece, and all you could think of while going through that second round of verbal abuse was how you might possibly choke on your own blood.

You finished off your shift with little encouragements from your co-workers, but other than that, you were ready to go home and sleep until the next ice age.

--

The next day, on Friday, you didn’t have class or work, so you decided to head to the police station. Last night you barely slept a wink. Even though the letter had been physically rid of, you couldn’t ignore the unsettling feeling in your stomach. How easily it had manage to find its way into your mailbox, it scared you half to death to imagine the man himself showing up on your doorsteps unannounced.

The bus ride took half an hour, with morning traffic, before you finally arrived with questions prepared in your head.

Despite your father being a convict, it was your first time stepping foot in a police station. On the bus there, you imagined it to be hectic, dangerous even, but all you were greeted with was a bunch of middle-aged men and two women sitting in front of computers, some looking like they haven’t slept in days. There’s a man in one of the cells behind the cubicles, snoring loudly, which explains the annoyed looks on the officers’ faces.

“Good morning,” you greeted a man at what you think is the front desk.

He’s not one of the ones who looks tired, but his movements are sluggish as he looked up from his computer screen to see who was the random girl so early in the morning. “Morning. Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, I have a question.” You took a moment to find the proper words to ask, “Would you know if it is possible to rejected letters from someone in prison?”

The man peered curiously at you, and asked, “Is there someone harassing you, miss?” You shook your head without elaborating. The officer noticed that, so he went on. “Well, I’m going to assume that the inmate is your immediate family. They don’t send letters out unless the content’s been approved of, and sense no danger in forwarding the message.”

“So, if I can request for the letters to not send, may I?”

He nodded. “You would have to contact the facility directly, and handle it from there, miss.”

You gathered as much from that that your father doesn’t actually know where you live. Now all you had to do was make sure it stayed that way.

[jjkfire]

Wrapped Around; pt.7

Jimin x Reader x Tae // College!AU // 13k words

Summary: Freshman year was a mess and sophomore year doesn’t seem to be looking too good either. You know boys like them are no good for you but maybe they’re just your kind of type

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut | Warnings: Anxiety, a lot of sad talk ):

A/N: wew a super late update haha thanks for being patient ya cuties. team tae i know you’ve been waiting!! anyway, it’s a pretty heavy chapter emotions-wise and I hope that y’all wont be too put off by it /: 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 2.5 | Part 3 | Part 3.5 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Taehyung Prequel | Jimin Finale | Taehyung Finale

Previously…

Looks like you were going to have to look for another cuddle partner when you get back on campus and you had just the right person in mind…

A certain Kim Taehyung perhaps?

Jimin doesn't understand why every time he thinks he's getting somewhere with you, life throws him a curveball. It frustrates him, infuriates him to his core, and he wonders how people do this, fall in and out of numerous relationships all the time. The chase alone was tiring him out but his heart yearns for you, aches for you… despite the numerous times his head tells him this was all just too much work.

He sits in the movie theatre alone, watching the show he had planned to watch with you, his phone in his hand as he awaits your reply. At the very least, you're answering his texts now, telling him about how you've been going out to meet all your friends and he finds himself wondering if you had an equivalent to Mina waiting for you back home. He shudders at the thought of having another boy aside from Taehyung to worry about.

Jimin lets out a sigh as he watches a string of messages come in. Every attempt Jimin made at trying to explain himself, or clearly define what the both of you are or where any of this is heading, is completely brushed away by you. You would skip the message completely, choosing instead to start a new topic of conversation. Jimin tried numerous times to steer the conversation back to something along the lines of 'so, what exactly are we?' but after the 4th diversion, he admits defeat. The very fact that you're talking to him at all is something he's thankful for after all the radio silence he had experienced the previous week.

Your week at your hometown passes by fast, way too fast, you think. The bright lights of the city, the sound of traffic and the scores of people making their way up and down the streets at any given time of the day. All things you've missed seeing and hearing. The grit of the city, the orderly chaos, tells you that yes, you are finally home. You don't get a single day of rest. Each day is filled with things to do from spending time with your parents to late-night adventures with your friends. By the end of the week, you are completely exhausted but you're quite possibly the happiest you've been in a while. As you settle down on to the seat on the bus back to campus, your heart feels heavy. A bus ride back to college meant you were taking a return ticket back to stress town and you tremble as you mentally go through your class schedule for the semester. Having barely scraped through the previous semester, you wonder if you'd be able to manage it all over again.

The long bus ride lets you sort through your thoughts, to mentally go through a to-do list you will most likely never complete. You let out a sigh and rest your head against the window. The semester hasn't even started yet and you were already stressing yourself out. Your phone vibrates in your hand and you light up at the sight of the names on your screen. The only silver lining at the moment was the fact that you'd be seeing your favourite three idiots in no time.

You're one of the latest to arrive on campus, trudging through the snow in the dead of the night with your heavy suitcase to your dorm that just had to be on the other side of the university grounds. It felt odd to be back on campus again, like something was off and the bleak cloudy night sky only reminds you of the gloomy weeks ahead. It's not that you hated college as per se... you loved learning, you did, but perhaps you weren't completely satisfied with your winter break and you wanted just one more week of rest. Alas, you are here, swiping your card to get into your dorm and you feel a sense of nostalgia as you return to what is now your second home. Inside of your residence hall, you take cautious steps as you ponder upon the new look. The makeover has long been overdue and you nod in mild amusement at the improvements. The walls have been repainted, the toilets fixed up and the most notable change of all, the locks on the doors have all been replaced.

Everything was great, really, you loved that you could finally take a shower without accidentally hitting your elbows against the walls and it was nice to no longer see paint peeling off the walls but you absolutely hated the stupid new doors. You feel betrayed. It's like the university knew your sole weak point and decided to exploit it. You've always had trouble remembering to bring your key out, a fact that Jimin had gladly taken to his advantage but these new doors were going to force you to have to wear your key around your neck. You see, the doors had a new auto-locking system in place, one that had been implemented for the students' safety, the division of housing had explained but really you think it was just another gimmick for the university to get money out of their students. You have a feeling you're going to be the university's favourite resident, seeing as that by the end of the week you'll probably be paying that penalty for forgetting your key.

Your first day of classes go by okay and by okay, you mean horrible. You first find out that you have a very interesting classmate for your 8 am elective. None other than Kim Taehyung. He's great and you don't hate him, you don’t but you nearly choke him after the fourth time he prods you in class to show you a meme on his phone. He's a literal ball of energy, incessantly turning to you to whisper his ramblings into your ear and you wonder how he does it, stays all peppy for an early class without the help of coffee.

So, great, that was a small hitch in your day, one you think you can get over but then, you figure out that you're shit at scheduling because you would have one class on the east side of campus and the next one was on the west side. At least that meant walking to your classes counted as exercise and you could skip the gym? It's not like you really found the motivation to go to the gym by the time you're into your second week of classes anyway.

Next, you find out all your other classes either have some huge eight-page report or even worse, a group project, due by mid-semester. It takes everything in you to not just stop in the middle of the quad and scream your lungs out. By the time you're done with classes, you make it to the dining hall, looking like you had just come back from war and at least one thing is going your way today. At least, they were serving potatoes for dinner today.

"You look great," Jimin smiles, as you take a seat opposite him, resting your head on the table, next to your dining tray. "So radiant, so full of life."

"Don't start with me," You warn, pointing your spoon at him, not even bothering to look at him and he shakes his head, letting out a light laugh.

"How were your classes today?" He asks and you only respond with a thumbs down, your head still on the table. Jimin makes another attempt at conversation but you only answer with a lift of your shoulders and he lets out a heavy sigh.

"Hi, Jimin! It's really great to see you! Sorry, I didn't reply to your texts about having dinner. How was your day?" Jimin, quips in a high-pitch tone at a horrible attempt to mock your voice. If you weren't going to hold a conversation with him then he was going to have one with himself.

"That's not what I sound like," You grumble lifting your head to sneer at him.

"Oh the text? Yeah it's fine," He continues, completely ignoring you. "Honestly, every time you reply my text, a miracle is granted... seeing as that is how rare your replies are," He sighs. "And my day? Met this girl an—"

"I read your message and I'm here for dinner aren't I?" You grumble and Jimin smirks, knowing the mention of another girl would've got you speaking.

"Would it have killed you to send a reply like yeah, see you there?"

"Yes," You snap, furrowing your eyebrows at him and Jimin simply slides the tray down the table, his chair screeching against the floor as he gets up to move away from you but you're laughing, holding his hand, asking him to stay.

"Okay, I'm sorry," You mumble. "How was your day?"

"Fine," He murmurs, pulling his tray back towards him.

“I’m sorry,” You repeat when Jimin continues to brood, pushing his dinner around with his fork like an upset child. Jimin lets his eyes peer over at you for a brief second before he continues to sulk, letting you know a mere sorry wasn’t enough.

"You free tonight? Let me make good on that rain check. We can watch a movie?" You smile, the offer a form of an apology you were hoping he would take. Jimin tries to keep a frown on his face but you can see the edges of his lips start to curl up at the mention of a movie.

"Sure, if you want," He answers coolly with a shrug, but he's fooling nobody with that fake indifference. Jimin immediately starts wolfing his dinner down, urging you to finish yours as well but you can only laugh at him. The moment you set down your cutlery, signaling the end of the meal, Jimin is hurriedly stacking all the plates onto the tray, quickly putting it at the designated area before dragging you off to the dorms.

The both of you are tucked underneath your blanket, the lights turned off, the movie playing on the laptop and you’re pressed up next to Jimin, quietly reveling at the body heat that radiated off him. Everything seemed right, exactly like how it was last semester, except it wasn't. Your body is stiff and tense almost like you're afraid of him or worse, that you didn't actually want him here. You keep using the words buddy and bro, two words you have long since dropped within the first few weeks of meeting him. Two words you used whenever you talked to someone like Hoseok, someone you had no romantic interest in but you loved dearly. It was as if you were trying to reinforce an idea, one that he's not entirely sure he was okay with.

Every time Jimin tries inching closer, you pull away, grumbling about how it was stuffy or that your neck was itchy but you were doing that thing where you would stutter and mumble and he knows immediately that you're lying. Jimin is confused because you're friendly, responding to his flirty one-liner halfway through the movie but at the same time, you're keeping him at a distance. If there was someone who was an expert at giving out mixed signals, it'd be you. All he wants is to know what exactly is going in your mind but he doesn't ask because he knows he'll never get an answer.

There's only 15 minutes left to the movie but he hears it, your signature murmuring and he knows you've fallen asleep. With a light laugh, he shuts the laptop, placing it onto the window sill before settling down onto the bed. There's a soft whine that escapes you, you're annoyed by all the rustling but you let out a sweet sigh as you nestle your head onto his chest, throwing your arms and legs over him. Jimin can only laugh, his hand wrapping around you to rest at your waist as he relishes being this close to you.

That one week without you was miserable for him and he felt absolutely pathetic feeling that way. He wishes that what he feels for you was nothing more than a simple crush, an infatuation but the undeniable smile on his face at this very moment as he glances down at you is enough to tell him that it isn't. Why you? Why couldn't he have fallen for some empty-headed, plain personality person? The answer was because you were everything but. The problem with that was that it made things a 100 times more complicated because for the first time Jimin realizes that he couldn't smooth talk his way through this one. In fact, he couldn't talk his way through anything with you considering you would bolt every time he hints at having a semi-serious conversation. Jimin is left wondering if all of this is worth it but as you nuzzle against him, your hand finding its way to his waist, he thinks that maybe it is.

"Ouch," You mumble, recoiling in pain as you rub at your temple, your eyes blurry from the little nap you just took.

"The star nerd, sleeping in lecture," Taehyung shakes his head disapprovingly. "Wake up, class is over."

You yawn, rubbing your eyes before you swipe your belongings into your bag. Jimin's 5 am alarms never really bothered you but that was last semester when your earliest class was at 10 am.

"We have a pair project to complete this weekend," Taehyung informs you. "You have to interview someone in this class about their thoughts on different cultures."

"Is it a video assignment?"

"Yes," Taehyung smiles as he watches you let out a groan. "And lucky you, your partner is going to be me!"

You let out an even more displeased groan.

"I was really thinking about asking that other guy who was sitting two seats away from me."

"I saw him pick his nose and then eat his booger."

"Gross but that's okay, I can deal with that..."

"Well too late, I already submitted our names as a pair by email!"

Taehyung was a great guy and you loved having him around because Jimin was lazy, sure but Taehyung... he was just that kind of guy you never ever want to be in a group project with. You could see it already. You were going to be the one who would have to think of the questions, do the editing and submitting while he would just sit pretty and pat himself on the back for hitting the record button on the camera.

Jimin curses at the stupid new doors as he stands outside you room, waiting for you to come back so he could lay in your bed, using your mattress as an excuse for staying when really he just wanted to be close to you. You come striding in soon enough, your voice filling the air and a familiar—

"Jimin!" Taehyung screams as he gallops over, beaming at him.

"Tae," He smiles. "What uhh are you guys up to?"

"A stupid project," You grumble, unlocking the door to your room. "Why're you here?" You question, lifting your eyebrows at him.

"I was... I, umm... My charger," He mumbles. "Did I leave it here yesterday?"

"Don't think so," You hum. "But you can check."

Jimin busies himself with trying to look for the non-existent charger before he settles down on your bed, making himself comfortable.

"What are you doing? Up," You motion with your finger. "Out," You point towards the door.

He stays unmoving, a smirk on his face. Jimin finds it absolutely adorable that you think by putting your hand on your hip, you'd look more threatening.

"I'm taking my nap," He sighs, turning away from you and you simply look on in shock. Was he deaf?

"Yeah, I think a nap is a good idea," Taehyung murmurs as he lies down on your newly purchased carpet.

You storm over, first stopping at the foot of the bed to lightly kick Taehyung on his side before you reached over and dragged Jimin out of your bed. He lets out a light yelp as he hits the carpet. A light laugh escapes him as he watches you try to drag him across the room, his body barely moving no matter how hard you tug.

"Jimin, please," You beg, throwing his arm down. "The longer you stay here, the longer it'll take for us to get the project done."

"But, I'll just be sleeping quietly," He argues. "Nerd, please."

"No."

"Nerd—"

"Get out," You huff, pointing towards the door and you have your eyebrows furrowed, your jaw taut. Your expression is reminiscent to the one you wore standing outside of his house, arguing with him and he quickly gets to his feet, scurrying out your door before he's reminded of the fight.

Jimin returns to your room an hour later, wondering if the both of you wanted dinner but he could smell the pizza from outside your door. He stays standing out there for a little too long, eavesdropping on the conversation. Project, my ass. The both of you were happily talking about everything but whatever it is your project is on. He hears your sweet laughter and he could almost see it in his mind, you sitting in Taehyung's lap, slapping his arm teasingly after he tells another one of his horrendous jokes and then before he knows it, you're kissing him. Okay, maybe he’s being a little too dramatic and you’re probably more than an arm's length away from him but he’s a little new to this whole jealousy thing and it's driving him crazy.

All he's done in the past hour is think about all the times he's had study sessions or pair projects with other girls and 90% of the time, it ended with them doing something other than studying. Maybe that's why his grades were usually less than satisfactory... but really, he knew how Taehyung was around you and how persuasive he was.

Jimin almost feels like bursting through your door to scream hands off! but how could he when he could never get himself to tell you these 3 simple words. I like you. It was all he had to say to make everything clear. You could either a, say you liked him too or b, look at him with mild confusion and let him down easy or maybe c, simply walk away but in his mind, b and c seemed like very likely outcomes and he's not sure he could face that so the words get stuck in his throat every time. Jimin retreats to his room to brood and hope that he'd get to take his nap in your room tomorrow. Maybe you'd be in a mood for another movie by then?

The odds were heavily stacked against him this semester. He had no physics quizzes, no tv series and no unlocked door. The fact that he could no longer stroll into your room and give you no choice but to accept that he was there to stay made him feel like it was going to be so much harder to spend time with you. Knowing that you shared a class with Taehyung made it all that much worse.

A shared class meant that Taehyung would be over a lot to run through class notes or write papers together. Jimin was no idiot. He knows that you and Taehyung have a... special friendship, if you will. Taehyung knew the ins and outs of you better than anyone on this campus and not forgetting that the both of you were previous friends with benefits too. A deathly combination indeed. Add to that the fact that there are more than likely feelings that were never fully discussed given your oh so lovely behaviour when it comes to talking things out, Jimin finds himself at the losing end of this equation.

Tae has a thing for you, Jimin had guessed as much over winter break with the fact that he would constantly text you, constantly crave your attention and of course the classic side eye he'd give in the theatre, as if he was hoping that you and Jimin weren't up to something. Tae always seemed to be a step or two ahead of Jimin at every corner and you've always been more receptive to Taehyung's overtly friendly gestures. Jimin is unsure if he could compete with someone like him when it came to someone like you. Why you? He sighs. Why did he have to like you too?

You're entirely impressed with Taehyung and you're glad that you were wrong about him. The moment Jimin is kicked out, you send Tae a warning glare, one that said if your ass doesn't start doing work now, you're going to regret it which sent Tae scrambling for his bag. He takes out a folder, a multitude of questions written down on a piece of paper and you peruse the list cautiously. By the time you're done with the list, he's on his laptop with the video editing software open. He's already named the file appropriately, has a title sequence made for the video and you have to admit that you're thoroughly impressed.

"So what do you think?" He questions. "All we have to do is record it and I'll edit it."

"You're doing the editing too?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You're seriously willingly doing like 70% of the work?" You ask, your face scrunched up in confusion because since when does Kim Taehyung do work without being asked to?

"Yes."

"Marry me."

"I mean... I was thinking more like a kiss but I guess marriage is fine too," Taehyung shrugs, a smug look on his face.

You roll your eyes at him, not even bothering to reply to his statement.

"What? You think I'm going to do all of this work for free?"

"Yes, that's how college works. You don't get paid for completing your class work," You exhale.

"So what you're saying is I'm not getting my kiss? or your hand in marriage?"

Your reply is a single middle finger held up high and he lets out a light laugh.

"That's fine," He sighs. "I usually get what I want, somehow."

You brush off his comment, not bothering to look at him as you continue to write down a few comments next to Taehyung's list.

"You're a horrible partner," Taehyung groans, when he receives no attention from you.

"So are you," You snort. "I bet booger guy would've been a way better partner."

"Hey watch it. From what I see here, I've done most of the work, babe."

You wrinkle your nose at the pet name before letting out a defeated sigh.

"Fine, I'll pay for the pizza to reward you for all that hard work," You answer while rolling your eyes.

"From marriage to pizza... what a downgrade," Taehyung frowns.

"Or you can just leave and I'll find myself a new partner."

"Did you say pizza? Pizza is great!" Tae exclaims with over the top enthusiasm. "I'm thinking pepperoni but since you're paying, I'll have whatever," He smiles and you can only scowl at him before dialing the number to your local pizza place.

Both you and Tae complete the project before the pizza even arrives, which is something you would've never thought would happen considering he had the attention span of a 5 year old but it almost seemed as if he was trying to get on your good side, to impress you and impressed you were.

Between mouthfuls of pizza and gulps of soda, the two of you fall into a comfortable conversation, laughter racking through your body and more often than not you have to beg Taehyung to stop talking about his nightmare-ish dates he had been on the previous semester or you were going to have soda coming out of your nose.

"So, we never really got to talk about that night..."

"What night?" You question.

"The Mina night."

"Well that's because you probably remember none of it,” You laugh, shaking your head.

"True, but I've heard like 5 different versions so basically it was like I was there."

"You were there..."

"You know what I mean," He grumbles. "What's your version of the night?"

"Mina was being a dick, I retaliated and that was it," You shrug.

"And what did Jimin have to say to you about that night?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"We just don't talk about stuff like that."

"So, you mean you’re just avoiding conversations about your feelings?”

Typical Y/N, Taehyung sighs. If there was one thing he hated about you, it would have to be how you hated talking things out, how you avoided conversations that would force you to reveal anything remotely emotional.

"It's not avoiding if neither of us want to talk about it."

"What exactly are the both of you?” Taehyung questions, tilting his head to one side. Curiosity getting the best of him.

"Friends."

"With benefits?"

"Why are you asking so many questions about Jimin?" You answer with a question, not wishing to talk about what happens between you and Jimin when no one is looking.

"Well I have to size up my competition, don't I?"

Silence. You’re not sure what to say because was he joking like usual or did he mean it this time? All winter he had been slipping in comments like that whenever Jimin wasn’t around but you’ve always taken them lightly… until now.

"How many times?" Taehyung queries when the eerie silence gets to him, a subtle glance to the bed to tell you what he was referring to.

"How many times what?"

"So definitely more than once,” Taehyung hums. So perhaps the both of you were more serious than he thought. He always thought Jimin didn’t do friends with benefits. He never liked sleeping with the same girl more than once… It was one of his stupid rules or whatever.

"This is ridic—“

"I've seen the both of you run circles around each other all winter," He sighs. "So what is Jimin to you?" He asks again, frustrated with the way you’re dodging all his questions.

"Why do you care?"

"I just do.”

"He's a friend."

"Just a friend?" Taehyung snickers, inching his way forward. Either you were in denial or you thought he was plain dumb.

"Just like you are."

"Oh, babe. We're definitely not just friends," He smirks and wait, when did he get so close to you?

"Well if you're referring to the past then yes, we used to be friends with ben—“

"I'm referring to the present," He sighs, his face so close to yours that you hold your breath. He awaits your answer but your mind is blank and you're not sure what to say.

Maybe you were horny or perhaps it was the pent-up confusion you have about what Jimin and you were but Taehyung's lips looks oh so inviting especially when he stares at you while licking them. It's been months since you last slept with him, last thought of him as anything really more than a friend that you may or may not have lingering feelings for and suddenly, everything surfaces, your mind even cloudier than before.

Boys, boys, the bane of your existence but you always found yourself falling right into their sneaky little traps.

"I mean if you insist that Jimin is 'just a friend' then I guess I don't mind being just a friend too," He murmurs, his lips almost touching yours. You want to have the last say, to come back with a snarky comment but your mind draws an absolute blank. All you can think about is if kissing him felt as good as you remember. Your gaze flits down towards his lips and there's only a millisecond before Taehyung is surging forward to close the distance.

His lips are warm against yours, the kiss light and innocent, the complete opposite of what your usual kisses with him are like and just as you let your eyes fall shut, he pulls away. Taehyung strokes your cheek softly with his thumb, his lips curving up to show you a winning grin and you only stare back in confusion, unsure as to why he stopped when anything had barely begun.

"W-wh—” You start, stammering as you struggle to string together a sentence.

"I told you, babe. I don't do hard work for free and I always get what I want," Taehyung smirks.

"You—"

"I'll edit the footage and let you have a look when I'm done yeah?" He smiles, putting his belongings into his bag.

Before you can answer, Taehyung is strutting out your door, his bag slung across his shoulder, leaving you sitting on your carpet, completely dumbfounded.

The semester had just begun and you had a feeling it was going to be a complete disaster because well... you're a complete disaster. You have absolutely no idea why you like to complicate things for yourself. All you had to do was tell yourself no, I will not kiss my friends and no, I will not fall for my friends but you see telling yourself wasn't the part you had a problem with... it was the listening part that you simply couldn't get a grip on.

You had come into campus with a game plan, one you had thought out fully on your bus ride. During winter break, you had time of course for all of this fooling around but this was the second semester of your sophomore year and you wanted to end the year with a strong GPA. That obviously meant you needed to cut the drama out of your life and drama always personified itself in the form of two people, that being Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin but that's fine because you had just the plan to keep everything under control without having to actually confront them. Because everyone knows that confrontation was a big no no in your books.

First, you were going to abandon your silly vendetta against Jimin and leave him be. He was going to be just a friend to you, nothing more. You figured once you stopped showing interest, he'd soon forget about you. Though hints are something you're not very good at dropping or picking up, you think you'll be able to slip one in here or there to tell Jimin hey, last semester was cool and all but I think it's best we stay just friends because you confuse me and make me feel feelings I don’t want to feel. But, how do you do that without actually saying that word for word? Well... avoiding skin contact and constantly using words like bro sent that message right? In any case, that's all you really had in your arsenal so, it was just going to have to work. You hope that in the end, he'd stay your friend because for what it's worth, you genuinely do enjoy his company and perhaps you’ve grown a little too attached to him but honestly, you wouldn't be surprised if there came a day where the both of you would walk past each other without so much as glancing at each other.

Second, you were going to keep Kim Taehyung at an arm's length because damn is that boy sneaky. You're not sure what it is about him but he always knew just what to say or do to have you right where he wanted you. He's always been flirty by nature but you also knew that Taehyung never liked being alone. Ever. He could never stand being by himself and he would latch on to any girl he saw fit to fill in that emptiness he felt and by any girl, you mean multiple girls. Whenever you dropped by his home the previous semester, you'd see an assortment of undergarments in different sizes. Don't fall for his tricks, you repeat to yourself like a mantra. You've already been burned once thanks to his best friend and you're pretty sure you're not interested in a second time.

It sounded like a great plan in your head, really it did, but it was only day 3 on campus and you had already failed miserably. You had woken up in Jimin's arms that morning, effectively rendering your avoid skin contact part of your plan a complete failure and later that day you had kissed Taehyung, on the lips. So much for trying to keep them at a distance, you sigh. It's fine, this week was more like a trial week anyway...

Week 2

You had managed to go through the rest of the first week without kissing either Jimin or Taehyung which was a feat to say the least because the both of them were really testing you and tonight was no different. Solji only watched on in mild amusement as you attempted to enjoy the welcome weekend night out at the club stone cold sober. You had decided that alcohol only made your mind a 100 times worse at making decisions so you stay clear of it. Even while you're sober, you're damn near sweating from seeing how good the boys look in their button downs. It didn't help that the both of them got extremely touchy when they're drunk but you manage to keep most of it at bay, choosing instead to excuse yourself to use the toilet every time you felt like your resolve was going to crumble.

1 am.

That's how far into the night you got before you sneakily make your way out of the club to take the late bus back to your dorm. Your phone lights up with calls and messages not soon after but you simply send the same message back to everyone, something about how you weren't feeling too well... which to some degree, felt true because what the fuck, how were you going to keep all of this up for another three months?

Weeks 3 & 4

The onslaught of assignments begin and the first round of midterms begin to near. You groan at the amount of work you're assigned and you spend every waking day studying your ass off. Taehyung spends a little too much time you feel, in your room and you're holding up good, not giving in to any of his advances but you feel like it's only a matter of time before you break. As much as you want to hate him, he always does the bulk of the work for what your professor has now assigned as weekly partner projects. He catches you staring at him like he's the universe whenever he lets you get away with the bare minimum for the projects so you could focus on your other subjects. At times, you almost, almost give in to his boxy smile and his eyebrow wiggles when he asks for a little payment usually in the form of a kiss for doing all the work but you brush him off, offering him some snacks instead.

Taehyung worries about you especially when he sees your telltale signs begin to show. The shaky hands, jittery legs and the way you'd mutter to yourself about how you can't keep up with all the work piled up on your table. He always gets you to take small breaks whenever he could to make small talk and lighten up the tense atmosphere you seem to create whenever you're stressed. You're grateful for him, you are but you can feel yourself slip whenever you find yourself grinning at one or two of his sleazy lines and as much as you love having him around, you could not afford to get yourself into anymore boy drama. Luckily for you, Taehyung always chooses to leave just before you mess up and give into one of his 'Hey babe... if you're feeling stressed, I know just the activity we can participate in to let off some steam...'

When he leaves, you get a moment of peace where you can relax and let your guard down but that peace never lasts long because the moment you step into the dining hall, you're met with another devil by the name of Park Jimin. He smiles at you from his seat, waving for you to come over and as much as you want to turn away, you find yourself in the seat opposite him after collecting your food. Dinners with him give you a chance to forget about all your homework for a while and it's not until you notice that the dining hall has seemed to empty out do you remember that you have to go to the library like you had originally planned. It was something about the way he would stare at you and listen that made you lose track of time.

Somewhere along the line, Jimin invites himself to your library study sessions, even staying until midnight with you. To your surprise, he's actually studying, actually doing work instead of fooling around like he usually did in your room the previous semester. As the night draws on, you see him struggle to focus and you can only offer him a sad smile. He's exhausted, you know as much because the poor boy had to be up at 5 in the morning every day for practice but you can't deny that his presence is comforting. You're not sure if he stays up only because sometimes you give in, and you let him stay in your room after the study session because he's 'too tired' to make it up the stairs. You groan, making a show out of your disdain for having him in the confines of the pigeon hole you call your room but you know and he knows that you love falling asleep with his arms wrapped around your waist. Though, the best part you feel is the conversations the two of you have in hushed voices because they always make you feel calm, happy even. The comforting touches, the sweet lullaby that is his voice is all you need to silence the worries you have swimming around in your head. So much for keeping him at a distance, you sigh.

Week 5 Monday

Your first round of midterms end and you're allowed to take a breather for a second. You leave the classroom right after handing in your test paper and you feel free, albeit for a short while. On your walk home, you take a detour, choosing to take the scenic route like you usually do whenever you felt you deserved a little quiet walk through the nature path that ran along the lake, which was now frozen and to the back of the boathouse. Perhaps you might even catch Jimin rowing, half naked, you laugh. As you draw closer towards the boathouse, you hear the low bass thumping and the constant shouting from what must be the rowing coaches. You take a glance through the window to find the women's team practicing and you can only watch on in awe as you witness them in all their muscled glory. You try to watch them nonchalantly, hoping that they don't find you staring but eventually one of the girls makes eye contact with you, causing you to quickly duck your head down and pick up the pace in your steps.

At the end of the boathouse, you see 3 boys furiously whispering and for some uncanny reason, you feel that they're whispering about you. You recognize them to be part of the men's rowing team but the only one you can identify by name is Jungkook. Feeling uneasy, you pull out your phone to pretend like you're busy but you still catch whatever they're whispering. They should really work on trying to gossip about people more discreetly, you scoff.

"That's her! That's the girl!" Jungkook whispers and the other two immediately whip their heads around to take a glimpse at you as you near towards them. "Fuck, she's looking. Don't stare you idiots!" Jungkook groans and you have to press your lips together to stop yourself from laughing out loud.

"What girl?" The stout boy standing next to Jungkook asks, as you walk past them.

"The dreamcrusher..." Jungkook mumbles, keeping his voice low.

"Oh the nerd girl," The tallest of the 3 remarks, a little too loud and Jungkook lets out a disappointed groan before glancing to make sure that you've turned the corner and that you're out of earshot.

Except you're not. You're out of sight, yeah, but now that the boys were speaking at a normal volume, you could hear them loud and clear. You stop just behind the corner of the building, standing in a pile of snow with your back pressed against the wall as you listened in on the conversation.

"Yeah, Y/N, I think. You know how sometimes he's late to practice and he says something like, sorry, I was up late?" Jungkook asks. "It's because he stays up to be with her or something. He's always talking about it."

"Yeah," The stout boy nods, recalling the numerous times Jimin has mentioned you. "This semester, his head seems to be somewhere else. Probably between her legs," He laughs and the other boys join in the chorus of laughter.

You can only roll your eyes at his horrible attempt of a joke.

“She’s messing with his head, I bet. She’s the reason he’s been so out of it lately.”

There’s a pinch in your chest and you can feel your palms begin to sweat.

“Damn it, we were great on the Freshman squad and he even made the Varsity squad at the regatta last year but he’s just not the same,” The stout one exhales.

“Coach said he might switch him out from Varsity to Second Varsity… maybe even the Third.”

“I love him man but he’s been piss poor lately.”

“But Varsity won’t feel the same if he isn’t on our squad…”

There’s a lull of silence, the three of them exhaling deeply.

"I don't know what it is but if he doesn't start performing more consistently, he'll be dropped from the team altogether eventually," The taller boy murmurs and you can hear the other two boys hum in agreement. "I heard coach talking about how his scholarship might be under review too…”

“Fuckin’ dreamcrusher. Wish he’d never met her.”

Your heart sinks as you hear those words and you walk back towards your dorm with heavy steps. You had no idea Jimin was struggling with his rowing and what's worse is that you were to blame. Guilt, is all you feel. He stayed up at night to console you or talk to you and never once did he mention anything about himself and maybe you were to blame because you never asked. When you reach your room, you sit in silence for a good few minutes as you try to take in everything you just heard.

A burden. That’s what you are.

Pushing people away is something you're great at, a true talent if you could call it one. You're not too good with words when it comes to emotions and you'd always try to bottle them up and sit on them, hoping they'd disappear that way, but they never do. You let your worries brew and simmer day by day until they grow into something bigger and suddenly you're grasping at anything to help you stay afloat.

It's not like you didn't want to let people in or talk about the things that are on your mind but you always felt like you didn't want to bog anyone down with your problems when they already have their own demons to deal with. If anyone ever took a peek into your brain, they'd find a large shelf of suppressed emotions and feelings pushed far back into the corner of your mind, in hopes that they'd never see the light of day even if you know that somehow they always do. It was a shitty system but hey you were still a functioning human being, albeit a slightly unhappy one. The main point was that it worked and you weren't about to just go and change it.

Until, you met Jimin.

Talk. He always wanted to talk and if you weren't going to do the talking then he was. It's like he had a sixth sense when it came to you and he always knew if something was bothering you. 'Do you want to talk about it or do you want me to talk?' is his classic line and thinking about it, the line sounds pathetic, cheesy even but it's your saving grace. He never questions you if you pick the second option, opting instead to tell you some story about him back in high school or something or the rather. In any case, either option always ensured one thing, that you'd be feeling slightly, if not a whole lot calmer than before he had asked the question.

In the beginning, you always chose the latter option even though he tried to softly encourage you into telling him that you were struggling, hurting, or whatever it was that you were feeling but you'd shrug away his question, quickly changing the topic or just pretending that you'd gone off to sleep. It was easy to keep him at bay at first but soon, it was hard for you to hide that something was off and perhaps he knew it even before you, that your usual routine of pretending like everything is fine had reached its expiry date and suddenly your left in the murky waters of your worries, alone.

“You need to let it all out, just say whatever you need to, whatever’s on your mind.”

You remember his voice as clear as day, the words bouncing off the walls in your room and ringing in your ears for what felt like eternity.

Maybe, you'd never met anyone so intent on listening to what you had to say or perhaps it was the way he didn’t look at you with those sad eyes filled with pity, instead he looked at you with ones that said, I'm here, I'm ready to listen.

Jimin made it seem so easy, so natural and you found yourself speaking about anything and everything to him. Whenever you spoke, he would gaze at you softly, intently nodding, listening and for once you felt like there was someone on this earth that you could finally talk to without having to feel like you were drowning them with your negative thoughts.

Now, lying alone in your room you can only use one word to describe yourself and that was selfish. Perhaps the boys on his team thought the both of you had nightly sexual escapades that were tiring him out or you’re just not really sure what they have in mind but you know exactly why Jimin isn’t doing as well anymore. You see, there’s a price that comes with being a shoulder to lean on and Jimin is now paying that price. It’s those heavy feelings and thoughts that you had, ones you shared with him that are probably now weighing him down and you knew it, you just knew you shouldn’t have opened up to him, to anyone because whoever listened would have to carry around your pain too. You never open up to anyone because it tires people out and you never want them to feel like being your friend was a chore, that they had to swim to keep both of you afloat. You guess, Jimin has been doing just that, swimming for the both of you, but you’re too heavy an anchor and if he doesn’t cut you loose soon, you were going to drag him down with you.

It hits you like a ton of bricks, your anxiety and suddenly you’re back at step one, cowering and shaking beneath your blanket. A burden, that's what you are and Jimin, being the boy that he is would never let you know that all these late night talks were causing his performance to take a dip because if there was one thing Jimin was never really open about, it was his rowing. You've only heard a few comments from him here and there but you know from that one night where he had opened up to you, that he was extremely tough on himself. Good was just never good enough for him because he needed to be great and he'd do anything to make sure he was number one.

Jimin might not always be the first to practice but he was always the last to leave because his one more set always turned into one more after that and then one more after that and he won't stop until one of the coaches reminds him that he has a class to get to. Everyone thinks of him as a party boy and to some extent that's true because he's always at some bar or frat house on a Friday night but what they don't see is the boy that spends his Saturday afternoon at the boathouse, lifting weights or going on a run whether it was blistering hot or icy cold out and they definitely don't see the boy that is up at 6 on a Sunday morning, trying to improve his time or endurance as he sits and rows on the indoor rowing machine, even if the stinging pain from the blisters on his palm begins to become unbearable.

You let out an exasperated groan as you bring your knees up to your chest. God, you'd never forgive yourself if you're the reason why Jimin gets kicked off the team or even worse, loses his scholarship. He had nothing to gain from the curious sleeping arrangement the both of you had and you know he probably only stayed because he worries about you or he's hoping someday you'd find yourself giving into one of his advances again... after all, you did leave him with blue balls over the winter break.

There are two very clear options to deal with the situation which were to either talk to him or avoid him. So really you only had one option, you laugh. It's not like you didn't want to talk to him about it but you have a feeling the conversation would likely not end very well if you were to mention his recent underperformance in rowing, seeing as that is a subject that he's sensitive about. Truth be told, running away from confrontation is your specialty and you're not about to try your hand at talking, which by now you're well aware of, is something you're not so good at.

"Nerd!" You hear Jimin scream followed by a barrage of knocks on your door. “Are you actually taking a nap right now?” He asks from outside and you can hear him bend down to peer through the small space between the door and the floor.

“I know you’re in there. It’s time for dinner,” He whines as he continues to knock on your door.

Just the sound of his voice fills you with guilt and you take your time getting to the door, leaving him to continue talking to himself from the outside of your room. You take a quick detour to the mirror, making sure that you looked decent, normal, like you weren’t trembling on the inside.

You finally open the door, hoping that the fake smile you have on will be enough to hide the fact that you feel like literal shit.

“Finally!” He exclaims before frowning at you. “You were taking a nap weren’t you?”

“Uh y-yeah,” You laugh nervously.

He simply shakes his head at you before he’s pulling you towards the exit by the wrist.

“I’m starving and you didn’t reply my text,” He turns back to give you a disappointed look.

“Right, sorry…”

“You know at this point I’m just used to it,” He shrugs. “Pick up the pace will you? They’re serving potatoes tonight,” He smiles, giving your wrist a sharp tug.

You smile back at him quickly shuffling along behind him.

Dinner is torture because everything is just too perfect. The dining hall is serving your favourite dish and Jimin is cracking joke after joke and for a second you forget that he’s probably absolutely miserable inside. You try bringing up rowing during a short lull of silence and you watch as he frowns and waves away your question with a quick my rowing’s been fine before he changes the topic. You almost sigh out loud, unsure as to how you hadn’t realized sooner that he always seemed to brush away all of your rowing related questions this semester. The guilt sits on your chest like a heavy concrete block and you can’t help but frown at the boy before you.

You’re sure Jimin notices that something is off because he keeps giving you quick glances as the both of you take a seat at one of the empty tables in the library. There’s a question itching at the back of his throat but you’re so focused on your worksheet that he decides on asking you later. You spend your study session completely buried in work, not allowing yourself even a second of rest just so your mind wouldn’t wander onto less than happy thoughts about the boy sitting across you. From time to time you allow yourself a glance at Jimin and sometimes he catches your gaze sending you a greasy wink or a soft smile and you feel your heart flip flop in your chest. You felt horrible for causing the poor boy so much pain because god, it was never your intention, it really wasn’t.

At half past ten, you hear a soft thud as Jimin lets his head sink down onto the table, murmuring something about a quick nap and you can only look on with soft, sad eyes. You quickly push all your belongings into your bag before softly tapping on his shoulder, telling him it’s time to go. Jimin’s head perks up in confusion before he rubs at his eyes to look at his watch.

“But, it’s only 10.30?” He questions, giving you a confused look.

“I’m tired,” You whisper, giving him a sheepish look. “Let’s go,” You beckon as you stand up from your seat.

Jimin packs away his books as fast he cans, quickly trailing behind you as you walk towards the exit. The moment you push the door open, you let out a groan as you watch snow fall from the sky.

“Fuck,” You mumble. “Bet they’re gonna start clearing the snow just when I fall asleep tonight,” You sigh before shuddering at the thought of the sound of metal scraping against the tarmac.

Jimin only laughs at that because he sleeps through it all the time while you’re not as fortunate. You often gaze at him during those times, wondering how he seemed to be able to sleep through just about anything.

The two of you shuffle along, half jogging to get to your room, to escape from the cold and the moment you unlock your door, the pair of you quickly dive beneath the covers to find some warmth.

One last time, you sigh internally. You were going to allow yourself to be selfish just one last time. With your head placed on his chest and your knee hiked up to his hip, you worry your bottom lips with your teeth, wondering if you should say something.

“So do you want to talk about it or do you want me to talk?” Jimin asks out of nowhere and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

“Huh?”

“You’re doing that thing,” Jimin sighs.

“What thing?”

“The thing where something’s bothering you but you refuse to talk about it—”

“Nothing’s bothering me,” You interrupt.

“—or acknowledge it,” He laughs.

Damn him and his stupid sixth sense. You choose to stay silent, afraid that you’d give away something just by opening your mouth to speak.

“Okay, I’ll talk then,” He smiles, filling in the silence and you let out a sigh of relief because you’re not sure why he’d let you get away with it this time but you’re not about to question his choice either.

So, you listen, letting out light laughs as he tells you a story about how Taehyung, Hoseok and himself had ended up landing themselves three months’ worth of detention in the second year of high school. You wondered what high school would’ve been like if you had a friend group as mischievous as his. As much as you love the story, the sound of his soothing voice makes it difficult to fight off the way your eyelids refuse to stay open.

Jimin hadn’t even reached the crux of his little tale yet but he hears you murmur incoherent sentences, your slow breathing a sign that you’ve long fallen asleep now. He lets out a quiet sigh before a small smile graces his lips, his thumb running over the skin of your thigh innocently. He wonders if he’ll ever get tired of the fact that he’s always telling you stories that you never bother to stay up long enough to listen to. All he knows though, is he’ll never get tired of this, of your soft grip on his waist and your head neatly tucked under his chin.

Tuesday

[7:22] Jimin: nerd

[7:22] Jimin: where are you?

[7:22] Jimin: dinner????

You wipe the pizza grease on your hands on a tissue before picking up your phone to type in a reply

[7:24] You: i’m at tae’s

[7:24] You: evil professor just assigned us some crazy ass project

[7:24] You: can’t do dinner, sorry ☹

You let out a sigh of relief as you tuck your phone back into your pocket. You hate your professor, you do, but in some way you’re grateful for the project because it meant that you had a legitimate excuse for missing dinner with Jimin.

Both you and Tae work through the night, collecting articles to cite for the 8-page paper on cultural appropriation that your professor had assigned this morning. Sometimes you wonder if your professor feeds off his students’ stress or misery because it’s the only plausible reason to explain why he would want a draft by Thursday and the final essay to be submitted on Sunday.

It’s Taehyung who finally drags you off to sleep at 3 am. He physically lifts you and places you onto his bed seeing that you had refused to heed all his earlier warnings. When you try to climb out of his bed to look for ‘one last paper’ he basically traps you in his hold, refusing to let you go until you close your eyes and go off to sleep.

Taehyung never voices out the fact that he worries about you, he only does it silence. He remembers the screaming match you had with him outside the library when he told you that you were being ridiculous, worrying so much that you were making things bigger than they actually were. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that and he regrets his choice of words to this day but he didn’t know how else to tell you that you were ruining yourself from the inside out over something you couldn’t change the outcome of. He should’ve chosen more comforting words, ones that would make you feel warm and safe but he had tried that before and it hadn’t worked. Now, Taehyung stays silent, never daring to mention anything about your behaviour but he lets you know through sweet gestures and soft touches that he’s here for you. He hopes that it’s enough, that you do see that he’s trying to make sure you don’t beat yourself down too hard because his heart can’t bear to see you in pain like that. To Taehyung, you’re somewhat akin to a fragile doll or maybe even a ticking time-bomb and he’s afraid one wrong move would mean you’d shut everyone out again, where you’d retreat so far away that he couldn’t reach you.

Maybe it was silly and cliché sounding but you’re the first girl he’s met where he feels like he doesn’t have to pretend to be someone else just to impress you. T’was like a dream come true when you propositioned him to be friends with benefits because well you were you and who didn’t want to be friends with benefits with you? Though that arrangement was great, he rather enjoyed your company outside of that arrangement, learning little facts about you, teasing you until you begin to stammer and blush bright red. He felt so much for you and maybe that’s how everything went south, because he wasn’t supposed to. The both of you had agreed to the no strings attached part of the deal and here he was, feeling like you could play him like a puppet. Maybe he was slightly delusional but he always felt like you had felt the same way about him too because no matter what it was, you found solace in his company too. It had to be true right? Why else would you know so much about him and him so much about you? Why did he seem to know more about you than your supposed fling or whatever the hell Jimin was?

Jessica.

A mistake, an excuse, a reason.

Taehyung remembers the ugly feeling of jealousy creeping up on him when he sees you kiss another boy at a party. He had almost stormed over to pull you aside until he remembered that he had no right to do that. After all, you and him were nothing more than friends with benefits. Taehyung simply broods in silence as he watches you skip away with boys who weren’t him and he wonders how he got here, feeling stuck on you when you didn’t seem to have a care in the world for him.

He never expected it, nor did he go looking for it but it all seemed to happen and unfold in front of his eyes faster than he could blink. Taehyung only remembers being frustrated and upset, moping in a corner after watching you leave the party with someone else and that’s when he met her. She was loud and blunt, straight to the point, two things that you weren’t and from the get go, he was hooked. Jessica came swooping in like an angel, her voice silky smooth and her touches addictive and before Taehyung knew it, he was trapped, completely enamoured by the girl before him. He saw your face twist in displeasure when he introduced her to you and the rest of his friends but he brushed away that scene, chalking it up to a figment of his imagination. Whether it was or wasn’t, it didn’t matter because you had been clear from the start that you hadn’t wanted feelings to get into the mix of whatever you and Taehyung had. But that’s just who Taehyung was… he had a problem with being alone while you rather enjoyed it.

Taehyung remembers your face when he said things were getting serious with Jessica and whatever he had with you had to stop. You smiled at him, nodding, saying that you understood but he could feel the insincerity that radiated from you. You could deal with not having Taehyung as your fwb anymore but you couldn’t deal with the fact that he simply didn’t have time for you anymore. He was… he was your confidant, your solace and suddenly he was nowhere to be found. Perhaps it was for the best, you exhaled. It was difficult, trying to keep your feelings at bay and no matter the other guys you left the parties with, you could never bring yourself to go any further than second base with them because of the twinge you felt in your chest. A twinge that told you that you had feelings for another man, the same man you remember swearing to that you wouldn’t let feelings get in the way of the peculiar arrangement that the two of you had set up. You’re not sure how you got here. Maybe it was the lunches you had with him between classes which always had the both of you talking up till the very last second before you both run to make it on time for both of your classes or perhaps it was the hushed post sex conversations that were filled with laughter more than anything else or maybe it was his ability to remember every single thing about you, even the slightest detail. All you know is, you’re in trouble.

You remember being alone, so alone now that the only person who had seen you at your lowest was too occupied to be worrying about you. The shaky hands, the sleepless nights, the endless train of horrible thoughts that you had to deal with alone. You’re not doing great on your own but you didn’t want to give in, to call him up when he was obviously so happy with her… so happy… without you. You didn’t want to hate him because you were happy for him but it was like he had completely forgotten about you. Were you really just sex to him? Did the endless days of chit-chatting amount to nothing in his mind? Good riddance then, you sigh. You didn’t need him in your life, you didn’t need anyone.

It was a particularly horrible day, you remember. Finals were soon approaching and just like that, your anxiety was amplified and just nothing seemed to be going right. You’re internally panicking as you struggle to get through the last of your assignments and you’re so caught up in your work that you don’t hear the chair in front of you squeak against the floor. There’s a soft touch on your wrist and you perk up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you see a familiar set of pearly whites.

“It’s time for a break, babe,” He coos, handing you a cookie and you wave your hand at him, choosing to return to your work.

Babe, you scoff. He hadn’t been replying to your texts or calls for 2 weeks now and he had the audacity to call you babe.

“Hey, come on, just eat it and take a break,” He whispers, sliding the cookie towards you. You simply glare at him sliding the cookie back in his direction and his smile immediately fades. Taehyung rises to his feet at that, walking over to tug you out of your seat and towards the exit. You’re struggling against his grip trying to pull away from him but before you can protest, he’s dragging you out the library.

“What the hell’s your problem?” You ask, finally tugging your wrist free.

“What’s yours?” He questions in return.

“Look, I don’t have time for this,” You grumble, turning away to walk into the library.

Taehyung quickly steps in front of you, blocking your path and you swear under your breath because truly, you had so much to get done and only so few hours in a day.

“What do you want, Taehyung?”

“Solji’s worried about you. She called to ask me to talk some sense into you.”

You let out a scoff, shaking your head because wow he could answer Solji’s calls but he couldn’t answer your texts?

“She’s just being ridiculous,” You mumble. “I have it under contr—”

“No, you’re being ridiculous,” He interrupts. “Have you looked in the mirror lately Y/N? How much longer are you going to do this to yourself? You’re going to burnout before we even get to finals week.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand!” He exclaims, grabbing you by the shoulder because god, you looked like you were seconds away from breaking apart and he didn’t want to see that happen. “You just have to stop for a second and breathe, Y/N. You’re just stressing yourself out and all of this is so unnecessary. It’s all in your hea—”

“Don’t fucking complete that sentence.”

“Y/N, please, I’m worried about you and I need you to just fucking stop and take a br—”

“You just don’t understand,” You cry, a tear slipping down your face and Taehyung knows he’s fucked up now but goddamn it why wouldn’t you just listen to him?

“So, talk to me! Explain it to me until I understand!”

“You won’t understand, you’ll never understand how much my parents are expecting of me,” You shout, tears almost falling out of your eyes as you pointed to yourself. “I have to do this, I have to do well so, stop with this fucking bullshit!” You screamed as you pulled your wrist from him and headed back into the library.

Just like that, Taehyung knew he had screwed up monumentally, essentially making the situation worse than it already was but fuck, it pained him so much to see you like that. The way he lashed out at you is one akin to when you’re a child and you put yourself in harm’s way and you stand there sobbing as your parents scream at you, even when they’re glad you’re safe, unhurt but they’re so mad with you but only because they care, care so much. There were probably a million other ways he could’ve handled that situation but he couldn’t keep his emotions in check.

1 and a half weeks. That’s how long his ‘relationship’ with Jessica lasted and in the process of that plus the weeks before where all he did was try to get to know her better, he had damaged his friendship with you. You had just slipped from his mind momentarily and he thought you were doing just fine without him so he ignored your texts, knowing that seeing you meant that he'd be stuck halfway between you and Jessica.

Taehyung spends the next few days with his finger constantly hovering over your number but he never finds enough courage to actually press it. He spends hours forming an apology speech in his head but really, what could he say to you that would help erase what had already happened?

It was perhaps the third day after the incident when he sees his phone light up, your caller ID flashing on his screen. He answers the call to hear your voice, quiet and unsure as you ask him out to lunch and he agrees immediately, already halfway out the door before the call ended.

Taehyung sees you sitting in a quiet corner of the café, hands nervously playing at the hem of your shirt. When he reaches the table, he greets you with his signature smile and his heart almost breaks at the way you look at him, so guilty, so worried. Apologies start spilling out of your mouth the moment he sits down and he’s so worried you might start crying in the middle of this café. It’s okay, it’s fine, I’m sorry too, he says over and over again but you never stop with the sorrys and thank yous until he reaches over to hold you by your shoulders, shaking you softly as he laughs while saying it’s alright Y/N, really… if anything, I’m at fault too.

You know you were wrong to lash out at Taehyung like that that day but you were so caught up in your emotions, your anxiety making it difficult to just step away for a second and think. He was trying to tell you to calm down when you had started screaming at him, pushing him away when all he wanted to do was to help you. Maybe it was those pity puppy dog eyes he flashed you that made you snap or his less than careful choice of words but all you know was that was his way of showing you that he cared and you were more than grateful for him now that you’ve had time to think about it because he’s been there for you more times than you can count.

Solji, she was what you’d consider a close friend, someone you gossiped with, laugh at movies with but Taehyung, in the short time you’ve known him, had become your best friend. He knew all about your family, your likes, dislikes, fetishes, just anything and everything. How the two of you had shared so much about each other just through those lunches is beyond you and you’re thankful to have someone like him but you had to be selfish, had to fall for him out of all the students on campus. You couldn’t find a way to put into words how you felt about him so when the semester ended, you did what you did best, which was to disappear. Taehyung was the most jubilant soul you’ve ever met and you couldn’t imagine him being weighed down by someone like you so you wanted your friendship to die a natural death. You didn’t want him having to worry about you, for him to be the friend that others approached when you weren’t doing too good because he deserved better. He deserved a better friend, a better lover.

Taehyung hates how you deal with problems because you never really solve them, simply avoid them but maybe this is the one time he’ll ever be grateful for your odd solution to avoiding conflict. There’s something off between you and Jimin which he can’t really pinpoint but it’s not the winter romance he had grown sick of seeing but rather a subdued romantically-awkward friendship that was neither here nor there. 

You and him have always been an almost couple, he believes. You both harboured feelings for each other, or so he thinks but neither of you ever got the chance to say anything. When the new semester started, and he finally got a hold of you after complete silence over the summer break, he thought he’d have a chance to start fresh with you but murmurings of a fling between you and Jimin stood in his way. He got a chance to start fresh, he did, but this time you and him were just friends… which was not at all what he wanted but beggars can’t be choosers. What were the chances of you being placed in the exact same discussion section and same wing in the dorm as Jimin one would ask? The answer was almost zero and yet it happened. It was like a nightmare come true for Taehyung and he could only watch in horror as his worst fears came to life. If there was one guy Taehyung didn’t want to compete with, it was Jimin.

Jimin was way too interested in you for you to simply be ‘just a friend’ as he had claimed many times in the early semester. Taehyung loved testing the boundaries, knowing full well that Jimin’s feelings for you had begun to grow, probably unbeknownst to the boy himself but Taehyung knew the signs all too well because he had been where Jimin was mere months ago. From frequent flirty texts, to answering your booty call that night, to marking your neck with hickeys, Taehyung could feel the jealousy radiating off Jimin grow with every encounter. What both you and Jimin did behind closed doors will remain a mystery to him but all he knows is if he wanted to have a chance with you, all he needed to do was keep himself in the picture, ready to take Jimin’s place if he ever messed up.

Jimin wasn’t good enough for you and to Taehyung, neither was himself but if anything, a relationship with him would’ve been a lot less painful than a one with Jimin. Having grown up with the boy, Taehyung knows better than anyone that Jimin would lose interest in things at a drop of a hat and that’s why Taehyung never bothered buying that new game or toy because sooner or later, Jimin would come strolling by letting him have whatever it was at a discounted price as he didn’t want it anymore. Though this principle only started applying to girls when he started college, Taehyung wanted to keep you as far away from him as possible and that’s probably why Jimin never really heard of you until the start of the second year.

The perfect boyfriend.

It had been something you used to describe Taehyung once over lunch. You had mentioned it so casually while Taehyung on the other hand was struggling to keep his heartbeat at a steady pace.

“The perfect boyfriend,” You laugh, taking the cookie that Taehyung had just offered to you. “That’s what you’d be you know?”

“I-I—”

“You’d hold doors open, buy roses just because, have their favourite cereal in your pantry, remember every single important detail, celebrate all the little anniversaries, buy them their favourite food,” You smile. “If you weren’t such a fuckboy, you’d really be the perfect boyfriend.”

Taehyung wasn’t sure if you were hinting at something or just spewing your thoughts without a filter like you sometimes do but he simply decides to scowl before throwing a French fry in your direction.

Taehyung has a problem. He acknowledges the fact that he just couldn’t seem to stick to one girl but maybe with you he could, maybe you’d be that one girl. He was comfortable with you, never had to water down his quirky, bubbly self when you were around and lucky for him, everything seemed to be falling in place for him this semester. From the fall out you had with Jimin over winter break, to the shared class he has with you and the many pair projects to come, he thinks he’ll be able to make you see him in a different light. He knows you doubt him, that you lump him and Jimin into the same pot as just boys who couldn’t keep it in their pants, boys who chased after skirts endlessly but he wasn’t like that, not when it came to you.

He smiles at the fact that you’re here, between his sheets, snuggled up next to him like he had always wanted. The perfect boyfriend, he smirks. Perhaps it was time he lived up to the title you had given him.

Jimin Finale // Taehyung Finale

A/N: read the Taehyung prequel!!! also hello i got a little carried away writing this chapter so no, don’t worry, it’s not the last chapter haha. As always, thank you so much for reading and feedback is welcome!!!

rowing jargon: Regatta = main competition in men’s college rowing aka the holy grail. Teams in Rowing: Varsity>Second Varsity>Third Varsity. Freshmen Eight/Freshmen Squad is the boat you wanna be in if you’re a first year. Varsity is the boat you wanna be in whenever cos it’s the best (freshmen can be in it too. if you make varsity as a freshman rower, it means you’re super good aka jimin is a super good rower)

[lookatthedawn]

Chinese Visa

One of the main things on my to-do list is to get a visa to China.  The idea of going to China grabbed me when I realized that Hanoi is not that far from the Chinese border. A little research showed that a train leaves every night to Nanning and the cost is about a hundred dollars both ways, which is close to nothing compared to an airline ticket from the U.S. to China.  That's when I decide that only a fool would miss the opportunity to visit Vietnam's Northern neighbor.  

If you have been to the Chinese Embassy in Hanoi, you’ve probably passed by this statue of Lenin.  

I had been to the Chinese embassy previously, equipped with a copy of my passport, two pictures, and some cash. After all, how hard can it be to get a Visa to China, right?  That shows just how naive I was. A few hundred feet from the embassy I notice the people queueing under the sun outside.  Let me explain about the sun in a place where temperatures range from 95 to 105 Fahrenheit.  It sucks you dry through the perspiration process, which is great to cool our bodies but also dehydrates.  So, it makes a whole world of difference whether you stand in the shade or in the sun.  To keep people standing in line outside seems like needless cruelty.  Not having an alternative, I get in line with the others and hope it moves fast.  Every purse and bag has to go through metal detectors and every person needs to be thoroughly checked. That takes time.  When it's my turn the guard wants to know what I came for.  I explain that I need a visa to visit China.  He asks to see my documents, which I willingly show him.   "Where's the ticket?" "Ticket?" "Plane ticket." "I'm planning to go by train." "You need the ticket," he sighs as if that was obvious.  He hands me a piece of paper in which is there's a list of the requirements.   "Wait," I say, even though he wants me gone and out of his way.  There are people waiting behind me.  "I can't get the tickets without the visa, they won't sell them to me." Another impatient sigh.  He points to a window and tells me to talk to the lady there, which I do. I have just spoken to the world's friendliest guard compared to the lady behind the glass.  "You need traveler's insurance, a place to stay, tickets and detailed itinerary." I explain to her that I've been to a travel's agency and they didn't want to sell me the ticket without the visa.  She sighs and shrugs as if to say, "not my problem!".  And how much should I expect to pay?  She hands me a piece of paper with the name of a bank and an address. "You pay here," she points to the paper.  Every one of my questions is met with impatience, as though they're stupid and I'm very dim for not understanding how things work on my own. As I leave the embassy I feel completely deflated.   Since I'm planning to travel to Thailand, Cambodia, and Laos, I decide to work on those visas while looking to buy a ticket, insurance, etc. for the Chinese visa.  The other visas are simple enough, but it takes time because they require leaving your passport when applying and coming two days later to pick it up.  I put China out of my mind for the time being, and concentrate my efforts on the other visas.  

Now that I'm back in Hanoi, I start working on the Chinese visa again. I need to reserve a hotel, buy insurance and tickets.  Hotel, no problem.  Got one with free cancellation in case things went South.  With the hotel reservation, I have a definitive date.  At a bank I buy traveler's insurance only for the days I'll be traveling to China.  Simple and inexpensive enough.  Next step, tickets!  How hard can that be, right? I go to the Ga Ha Noi, the train station, and speak to about three people before one can give me information on trains to China.  She quickly scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to me.  It read Gia Lam. She's done with me.  But I'm not done with her.  What does Gia Lam mean? I ask.  She ignores me.  She has another customer and no time for "ignoramus" like me.  I, on the other hand, have taken the time off work just for that, and, -- too bad for her -- ain't going anywhere.  She turns back to me with an impatient sigh, realizing I'm still standing there.  I ask the question again.  She explains that no train for China leaves that particular station, that I have to go to the station she wrote down.  I go home where Thao convinces me that, instead of walking or taking a taxi to the other side of Hanoi, I must go to a travel's agency and get the ticket from them.   Next day that's just what I do.  The girl at the agency is incredibly nice but knows less about trains to Nanning than I do.  She researches online, calls a few people and tells me that the train takes about 24 hours to get there.  She suggests I take a bus. I tell her I will seek a better option and leave her office right at the moment the skies open and a great downpour comes down. I have my umbrella but this his Hanoian summer rain we're talking about, which comes from all directions and soaks you thoroughly.  I see another travel agency -- remember, in Asia, they like to group businesses of the same kind together -- where I enter to get a second opinion while waiting for the rain to pass. My inquiries are met with a blank stare.  It takes a moment until the girl behind the counter understands where I want to go. She consults her colleague, who also doesn't know anything about it.  She phones someone to ask about it but gets nowhere. Soon a motorcycle stops in front of the agency and a girl comes in. When she takes out her helmet we smile in recognition, for she is the girl from the first agency.  "Oh, it's you!" She says, meaning the person about whom they just called her.  I explain that I wanted a second opinion.  She laughs and says that the agencies are "same-same". Vietnamese people don't say "it's the same".  True to their repetition habit, they say "same-same". I'm learning that speech concision is not as high a value here as in the States.   The rain hits the pavement and splashes inside the store.  I'm not dying to go out but as the agency has no new information, I get up to go. The girl who just arrived is about to go home and asks if I want a ride.  I do.  We get on her motorcycle and face the blinding rain. She laughs as she takes a few streets in the wrong direction, dribbling cars and motorcycles as she goes, but somehow I make it home alive.   Seeing my frustration my roommate gets on the phone and makes a few calls, then hands me an address saying, "here, it's fifteen minutes from here. Tomorrow you go there.  Today you can relax."  So I do. 

When you walk on the streets of Hanoi, you’re awarded by seeing cute dogs like the one above.  

Next day I jump from bed early and happily leave home to buy the ticket.  Life's exciting!  Google maps must have a weird sense of humor, though, because it sends me through a way I don't recognize, but to a street, I am quite familiar with.  It's a long street, so I think I'll eventually find the place.  As I walk I ask for directions.  Everyone points ahead.  They can as well say, "just like Google is telling you", I shall reply, no, that can't be.  Don't you know what's ahead?  It's Ga Hanoi, the same station with the minimal customer service.   And here I am, in front of the same station, I was the day before.  Weren't it July, I'd think I was locked into Groundhog Day. I can just turn around and go home but I decide that, since this was a different time of day, I might find a more helpful staff working. I go in and see, to my dismay, that the same woman works both shifts. I tell her I have been told they sell train tickets to China.  "Do you have a visa?" "No.  They won't grant me a visa without the ticket." "We can't sell you a ticket without the visa." "But I can't get the visa without the ticket." My exasperation was showing.  Just a bit. "No," she shakes her head.  She's done with me.  "Can't sell without a visa." Another employee comes in with some fruits and everyone is happy with such beautiful produce.  I'm annoyed but I wait.  After a few minutes, she realizes that I'm not leaving.  She speaks to her coworker about my case.  They discuss the matter in Vietnamese, punctuating their conversation with head shakes. They're more interested in the fruits.  I could use a fruit too but would settle for a train ticket to China.  They exchange a few more words and tell me that they can sell me the ticket but if I don't get a visa, they will not refund me the money.  I agree.  She tells me how much it'll be and when I get my credit card she tells me no, they only take cash.  She points to the door.  "There's an ATM outside." I run outside, meaning to come right back.  But I don't.  Because in front of the ATM machine I realize I do not have my debit card.  I check my wallet and bag about three times, each time more convinced that yes, I have lost it.  The card could have fallen from my purse at home, but I'm not very hopeful.

Leaving Laos (and my ATM card behind)

As I walk home I mentally retrace my steps.  When did I last use my ATM card? In Laos! And I needed cash so badly and was so happy to get hold a few Kips that I didn't retrieve my card at the end of the transaction.  How careless can you be?  This never happens to me at home, and at home, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but here I don't know what I'll do without my ATM card.  I have no more cash, not even to eat.  Besides, if I don't buy the ticket ASAP, I can't apply for the visa the next day, and if I can't apply, I won't be able to go. Once at home, I look for the card, but as I suspected, it isn't there.  I call the bank, cancel it and am told that there has been no activity on my card since Vieng-Chan.  This news calms me, somehow.  Thao tells me not to worry, that she'll lend me money for the ticket so that I can get the visa.  She calls a company who will deliver the ticket to my work that same afternoon, and with this bit of good fortune, I go to work. When the guy from the agency comes I have my supervisor's wife with me, to read and make sure the ticket is legit before I pay him.  I finally have the ticket and could go back to the embassy.  But not the next day, since it is a Chinese holiday and the embassy will be closed.