#last time i drove back alone was so stressful bc i wanted to pull over for a break so bad

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

was trying to find accom in bris on sat night so i dont have to drive home after the show but like. why is it so expensive. why is everything multiple hundreds of dollars. like, i guess, i will just drive back and get home at 1am. whatever

[mandana-the-service-pup]

I’m having some heavy feelings…

I had my follow up appointment with this Rheumatologist to discuss test results.

It was my first time driving all the way across town by myself and going in alone with Mandana by my side. The drive kind of stressed her out. I’m sure she could smell the heart rate & blood pressure changes that indicated how stressed I was about driving so far on the highway in the rain. By the time we got there she was amped up but she did ok. She broke her stays more than usual, pulled more than usual and whined a little bit. Once I had time to sit and relax she settled down too. The Rheumatologist & all of the staff were incredibly lovely and accommodating. By the end of the appointment she was happy and carefree and calmly sat next to me while I got blood drawn.

We stopped at the doggy bakery on the way back. I wanted to get a special treat for our first independent doctors appointment. It’s been years in the making and although she went to a single appointment with me last year I didn’t feel like that really counted bc Hubbins drove and most of my time was spent managing & training her (she did an awesome alert back then and I was so proud but it just hits different when we’re completely alone)

I’m glad I had her but I really wish Hubbins was there. My X-rays show that my autoimmune disease is damaging my knees, hips, SI joint and finger joints on both hands (so all the joints they X-Rayed but at least my ankles are hanging in there 🙄). The SI joint was particularly gnarly and she could see where I subluxed it while rolling over in bed a couple months ago. I don’t have any bone spurs but I just turned 30 and I’m on my way to developing them soon. Besides the nasty X-rays and my thyroid antibodies being high the Dr had some other bad news. She thinks I have Lupus.

My heart sank when I heard that. When I was fired as a patient from a major hospital about 8 years ago I immediately went home and Googled my symptoms. If we can confirm I have Lupus then I will be able to check off every disease on my list.

Doctors failed me and turns out I was right all along. I’m waiting for some pending blood work to go through for confirmation but apparently my ANA was so high the Dr would be surprised if I don’t have Lupus. She’s immediately starting me on medication to try to stop the damage and now I need to get in contact with my team of doctors all over again and go through additional testing.

My heart is heavy.

I wish Hubbins was here.

[detectivesofty]

staking your claim | j.h.

Summary: Natalie has problems with Nina and you’re helping out, like the good future sister (in-law??) you are

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Doctor!Reader / Natalie Manning x Will Halstead / Nina Shore x Will Halstead

Song I listened to while writing: Bust Your Windows by Glee (cuz it’s a fucking bop)

Author’s Note: I literally wrote this in one sitting bc I got inspired lmao. This is very heavily centered around Natalie and Reader’s friendship, because I feel like Nat needs someone in her corner. This takes place in Season 2, Ep. 19 of Chicago Med and I know Jay and Reader’s relationship doesn’t make sense canon-wise, but this is a fanfic after all, so let’s just pretend that Jay and Reader have been in a commited relationship with each other for a while. Happy reading!

Warnings: mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 1,9k

“Hey Y/N,” Nina greeted you and you barely glanced up to greet her back, your focus entirely on your notes. Nina then turned to Natalie, who was standing right next to you.

“Hey Natalie. Can I ask you a favor?”

Natalie, held a finger up. “Uhm, one second,” she said, turning back to April. “Hey April, can you try and track down Connor for me?”

“Alright.”

“Thank you!” Natalie turned back to Nina, the stress written all over her face. “Sorry. What’s up?”

“I was going to give this to Will, but he’s busy. Can I leave it with you?”

That suddenly got your attention. Why would Nina ever ask Natalie for a favor regarding Will?

Natalie paused as well. “Sure,” she then replied, reaching a hand out for the jersey.

“He’s going to watch the game with his brother tonight. I slept in it last night and when he left this morning I was still in bed,” Nina added with a laugh and you furrowed your brows, while you kept your head down. 

“I’d leave it in his locker but I wanted to make sure he gets it.”

You rolled your eyes, but put on a smile when Nina looked at you. She wasn’t the best actress and you could see right through her act, even if Natalie didn’t.

Natalie seemed a bit lost as she held the jersey, glancing at you briefly. “... Okay?”

“Thanks. You’re the best. Bye Y/N, see you later!” Nina called over to you before leaving the ED. 

You forced a smile and waved at her, before turning to Natalie. She was still staring at the jersey in her hands and you nudged her gently. 

“Hey you okay?” 

Natalie nodded quickly, putting the jersey away. “Yeah, I am fine… But Nina was acting weird, right?”

Chuckling, you shrugged with your shoulders. You didn’t really like Nina with Will, if you were honest. She seemed nice enough, but you never clicked with her, despite her constant efforts to spend time with you. In your eyes, Natalie was the perfect one for Will. Especially because you knew of Will’s feelings for Natalie, you know, before the thing with Nina started. 

“Duh. She’s trying to mark her territory, it was so obvious.”

“What?” 

“I am pretty sure that she sees you as a threat, Nat. And the other day-”

“Doctor Manning, Doctor Y/L/N! Incoming, vehicular accident, two girls and their mother!”

Natalie gave you a look, which meant she was in no way done with this conversation. But for the meantime, you took care of the two hurt girls. Unfortunately, the day didn’t progress as you had expected it to go. The hospital’s server got hacked and you had to resort to old-fashioned blackboards, without knowing patients’ medical history. 

At the end of the day, you were completely exhausted and just wanted to fall in bed. You threw your jacket on and grabbed your purse, when Natalie came into the lounge. 

“Hey Y/N, are you going home?” 

You gave her a tired smile and nodded. “Yeah, I am beat.”

“I wanted to talk about the thing you mentioned this morning…?”

Frowning, you thought back to earlier until you finally remembered. “Oh yeah, uhm. Do you maybe want to come over? Jay’s watching the game at a bar with Will so I’ll be alone tonight.”

“Yeah, sure. That sounds nice. I’ll just swing by Helen real quick to check on Owen, and then I’ll come over, yeah?”

Nodding, you gave her a thumbs up, rubbing her shoulder. “See you later, Nat.” With that, you left the ED and drove home to an empty apartment. The moment you stepped into your home, you let out a loud sigh at the sight of Jay’s shoes being all over the place. Moving in together was Jay’s idea. Your jobs ate up a lot of your time and when Jay was on a hard case, you often had gone days without seeing each other. Living together had a lot of pros, but that was before you knew Jay loved leaving his shoes where he took them off, which could be basically anywhere in the apartment. 

But you loved that man, so you’d put them away for now and kick his ass later. 

Dropping off your purse on its designated place, you headed to the shower straight away. After a refreshing shower, you ordered pizza for you and Natalie, when a text from Jay came in.

Jay: hey babe, you home yet?

You: yeah, just got out of the shower

Jay: Without me?😜

You: First of all, ew You: second of all, you’re too old to be using emojis

Jay: 😭

You: nat’s coming over now and I just ordered some pizza

Jay: okay, have fun, love you Jay: save me some slices!

You: Love you too. And no!

At that moment, the doorbell rang and you put the phone away to open the door, expecting either Natalie or the delivery guy. But instead, it was Natalie, the delivery girl. 

“I bumped into the delivery boy on my way up and paid him,” Natalie said and you beamed at her, ushering her in. 

“You didn’t have to do that. Come in!”

You grabbed a bottle of wine and two wine glasses, then situated yourself on the couch with Natalie. The two of you devoured a couple of slices before Natalie spoke up. 

“So. About what you said this morning… Why would Nina see me as a threat? I don’t see Will that way.”

Pouring yourself another glass of wine, you gave Natalie a look. “Really? I see the way you look at him, Nat. The two of you have always been dancing around each other. Nina has eyes, she can see that.”

Natalie opened her mouth, frowning, before she closed it again. 

“I never did anything while they were dating, I swear,” she insisted and you gave her a smile. 

“I know, Natalie. No one thinks that, I promise.”

“It’s just…” She sighed. “At first, I didn’t want to rush into a relationship, because I haven’t worked through my grief yet. And then Will wanted to move on, which I totally understood. And with Jeff, I thought he was the right one, considering his history with my Jeff. But then he turned out to be the complete opposite. And now… Will’s with Nina and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“At this point, I think you should just let their relationship run its course. I know it sounds kind of mean to say that, but I don’t think that they’re a good fit. You and Will are. You challenge each other, but also make each other better. I can see how you look at him when you think no one is watching; Will looks at you the same way, Nat.”

You could see the hope glimmer in her eyes and while you didn’t want your friend to get hurt, since Will and Nina are in fact still dating and even living together, you knew how right you were. You spent endless hours talking to Will about Natalie and you knew that feelings like that didn’t disappear overnight. 

“I just don’t want Nina to think I am trying to step on her toes and ruin their relationship, you know,” Natalie added. “The way she acted today kind of intimidated me.”

“Yeah I totally get that. She was acting a bit crazy,” you laughed and Natalie grinned at you, nudging you with her shoulder. 

“Enough about me and my problems. How are things with Jay?”

“Oh, things are good.”

The rest of the night passed in a blur while you and Natalie talked about everything and everyone. Nights like these were much too rare and you enjoyed spending time with your friends outside of work. It was nearing one am when you heard keys jangling at the front door, you and Natalie instinctively turning to the door. 

As the door opened, Jay stilled in the doorway, like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Hey Jay.” 

“Hey babe.”

Jay waved, slightly abashed as he took his shoes off. “Hey guys, thought you were already in bed,” he mumbled, walking over to the couch to press a kiss on your head and high five Natalie. “I am just going to go to the bathroom real quick,” Jay told you and disappeared into the bathroom. 

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Natalie said, yawning loudly. “Don’t want to be too tired for work tomorrow.” 

You walked her to the door and leaned against the doorway while she collected her things.

“Thanks for today, Y/N. I really needed that.”

Smiling, you pulled her in a tight hug. “Anytime, Nat. That’s what friends are for. Get home safely, okay?” 

“I will. Say bye to Jay for me,” Natalie answered and you nodded, waving before you closed the door. With a yawn, you locked it and trudged over to the coffee table to clean it up, throwing the pizza cartons in the trash and putting the wine glasses in the dishwasher. You looked up when Jay came out of the bathroom, looking around. 

“Nat already left?”

You nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck. “Yeah. It’s late and we have work tomorrow. You okay?”

“Mhm,” Jay nodded, leaning in to kiss you. The kiss was short and sweet, which made you smile against his lips. You pulled away after a while, observing him. His cheeks were flushed and it was obvious he’s had a few beers. 

“What did you guys talk about?”

You snorted out a laugh. “Uh, about Will.”

“What about Will?” Jay raised a confused eyebrow. 

“You know. Will and Nat. Nina came up to her today, trying to stake her claim. Waving around Will’s jersey like it was a prize. It was ridiculous.”

Jay laughed, shaking his head. “She did? Nina’s crazy.”

Shrugging with your shoulders, you pursed your lips. “I kinda get her. I mean, if anyone would even think about getting with my man, I’d whack them.”

“Yeah?” Jay asked, smirking at you in amusement. “You’d be willing to go to prison for me?”

“As if you’d let me go to prison,” you snorted and he chuckled, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“Yeah you’re right. Can’t let anyone hurt my girl.” 

You felt warmth spreading in your chest, just like it did everytime Jay called you his girl, even after all this time. 

“You wanna go to bed?” Jay asked softly and you nodded, looking up at him. 

“Carry me?”

He groaned out, but complied anyway, hooking his arms under your thighs to hoist you up, carrying you into the bedroom. The two of you quickly got changed and slipped under the sheets, cuddling up. 

“You know,” Jay murmured, nosing along your neck. “I think you’re right about Will and Natalie. He’s still got that look in his eyes when he talks about her.”

“Yeah? I thought so. He should stop leading Nina on, then. It’s not really fair.”

“Tell him. He listens to you more.”

You rolled your eyes and swatted Jay’s hands away, reaching for your phone to text Will.

You: Get your head in the game, Will. If you still have feelings for Natalie, you should end things with Nina. It’s not fair for either of them. 

Unsurprisingly, ellipses popped up a minute later.

Will is typing…

Will: You’re right. Thanks.

[yichens]

for the character ask...OUR FAV BOY LIU SANG

(*´∇｀*)/💖

i had to come answer this one bc!! my son!!!! aaaaaaahhhh!!!!!! so thank you sob now i can talk about my second sour grape boy,,, wait. ok well, hissy kitten  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  spot the difference (you can’t)

give me a character

(placing this one under a cut too bc oh boy. i have things to say about liu sang)

How I feel about this character

Good lord. I feel so many ways about Liu Sang. He is absolutely amazing but he also just drives me insane every day. No other character has ever given me such headaches, he must be proud. Finally someone suffers as much as him (because I bet those ears cause him a permanent migraine). I feel sorry for him. I’ll take this pain gladly if it helps him in any way. 

But well. As simply as with Jiang Cheng, I do love Liu Sang. I shouldn’t really be surprised (at this point) that I fell in love with him but back when I was watching Reboot, he hit me like a truck. Which,,, he probably drove that truck himself, judging from the way he was handling the car chase with Jiang Zisuan. Just ruthlessly drove me over. I never stood a chance, not in front of that arrogance and stubbornness and enormous puppy eyes. 

And with all of himself, good and bad, he makes me feel so many things. One of those, probably the strongest one, is protectiveness. He needs someone to protect him from himself because he has a nasty self-destruction streak going. Boy has not known love since he was born. He has gone through way too much to try handle it alone. I can’t even remember how old he is supposed to be in Reboot (maybe 29?), but that is way too many years of fighting a battle he was never supposed to win. But he pulled through. Cynical and prickly and absolutely terrified of any human contact but he fucking pulled through. I want to fight some battles for him now. He deserves to rest. He deserves some peace and quiet and unconditional care. I want to tell him that he doesn’t deserve all the pain he’s going through, all the pain he himself is putting his body through because he thinks he can only be used as a punching bag. I want to tell him he deserves friends. I want to tell him that it’s okay to trust people again. I want to... just protect him. And maybe this is why – because of all this fragile mess I’ve discovered from inside of him while trying to figure out who he is – I struggle so much with writing him. I feel like I’m bringing up things no one is supposed to see. I feel like I’m pulling out words from him like teeth. But at the same time, I know he’s desperate to tell these things. 

So I struggle because I love him. Willingly. But oh boy does he annoy me sometimes, under all that protectiveness and fondness I have for him.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I am quite sure at this point that I don’t really ship Liu Sang with anyone. No one clicks with him in my head so well that I could feel myself slipping into the proper shipping territory. But I haven’t minded any of the ships I’ve seen for him, not Pingxiesang (which makes me super soft) or him with Kanjian (which is so sweet) or even @kholran’s pool noodle Risang (which is very interesting and I will read your fic, friend, when I am out of my Pingxie pit! I just need to feed these beasts first). I am mostly just very intrigued by all these ships people come up with because it really plays to my wish to just explore his dynamic with every other character that is available for him. 

But to put it simply: Not one perfect match exists for him yet in my head. Let’s give boy some time to figure out freindships first. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Well, this one I love because! This is what he is all about for me, somehow. So I will mention three: Xiaoge, Bai Haotian, and Pangzi. 

First, like I already mentioned in my Xiaoge answer, I adore Liu Sang’s dynamic with his ouxiang. They are both so damn awkward. I feel like I’m following a train wreck happening in slow motion any time I see them interact but instead of death and flames and screeching metal, it’s. surprisingly soft and sweet? They are both very tentative when it comes to people so they somehow get each other? Even if Liu Sang is a mess when it comes to Xiaoge which I totally get because I have once in my life met a person I consider a celebrity and who I look up to a lot and I was just shaking. And giggling. And acting dumbly. So I don’t blame Liu Sang for any of that; I’m actually quite proud that he’s keeping his cool so well and despite the rough start, manages to be a huge asset to his ouxiang. I am so happy that he gets to have this budding friendship with Xiaoge because they both need it.

Then! Bai Haotian. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately and the more I rewatch some of their scenes together, the more I notice that they really develop a bond during Reboot. They are in a very similar position: brought in because of their idols, young, sometimes overlooked, struggling, and usually falling behind. And oh, definitely in need of some saving and with tragic backstories. They could be such amazing friends, and I think they come to trust and care for each other during their trip to Thunder City. Bai Haotian is so caring by nature and then Liu Sang is just right there. And Bai Haotian is so lowkey about her care; she doesn’t push if people don’t want her to, which works so well for Liu Sang. She’s there when needed. She doesn’t ask too much. She knows how it feels to look up to one of the members of the Iron Triangle and then curl your own life around them. (She also knows how it feels to have a crush on that same member and then notice that crush will never lead you anywhere, though I guess Bai Haotian comes to realize that during their trip instead of years before but well, details.) She doesn’t judge Liu Sang and somehow Liu Sang comes to rely on her a lot. 

And last but not least (never the least!): Pangzi. God I adore these two to bits. Their banter is just *chef’s kiss* and when I look at them, all I can think about is a big dog trying to pat a hissing kitten with its paw. Which then turns to the kitten play fighting the dog’s big paw. And then getting tired. And falling asleep. While the huge dog just curls its body around the kitten to keep it warm, and maybe the kitten swats at the dog slightly for show but actually it enjoys it. Because it’s nice and soft and very warm. So yes, I love it how Pangzi and Liu Sang start off as enemies but come to care for each other. I cry about the peanut scene every day. Yes please adopt this poor stray kitten, he deserves a loving home ;; Give him food and a blanket and maybe he will hiss a little less (Pangzi also gives great hugs and Liu Sang deserves a dozen. For starters.) 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Once again I am at a loss with this. I don’t really know what this fandom thinks about Liu Sang? I feel like our tiny Liu Sang hyping corner here on tumblr is very much unified with the opinions. We all love him a lot and want the best for him, case closed. So maybe I’ll just talk about my hypersensitivity headcanon for him? Let me do that for fun haha

So, I know he’s sensitive to sounds. Understandable, with his skills. And I feel bad for him for that because it must be horrible at times (we get introduced to him through him vomiting because he can’t handle a train station with all the noise, christ) but I also somehow relate to that. I get sensitive to sounds sometimes too. A simple click of my mouse can be annoying at times. I require absolute silence quite often, and this intensifies if my emotions are on the negative side. So, somehow I’m taking things from that. Touch hurts when he’s feeling bad about himself. Noises annoy him when he’s angry or scared. Lights look too bright or he feels like he can’t focus his gaze when he’s sad or panicking. Smells and tastes are intensified when he’s stressed. I dunno, just simple little things. Him feeling through his senses. Him just generally being sensitive with his feelings because this world is a demanding place and pushes you into feeling things. And I feel like a lot about him is already tied to his hearing so why not his feelings too? I’ve read so many nice takes on him which somehow support this so I feel like this just fits right in. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Liu Sang joins the final celebration!! Him just disappearing doesn’t make sense at all!!!! Let him get hugs!!! Let him be happy!!!! Oh my god. I was so mad about that and still am because no way did he just leave and not join his new friends for this final evening!!! Dammit. No matter how much he feels like he doesn’t belong and like he’s just “a hired talent” among them, he’s not that dull!! He got those damn peanuts and some hugs and shoulder pats from people, he was there saving the day, he managed to create bonds!!! And god, knowing Wu Xie, he would never allow Liu Sang to think that lowly of himself!!!! He would be there to offer Liu Sang the world if he wants it!! Gaaaahhhh

So yeah, give Liu Sang his moment with his new family or I am throwing something, for fuck’s sakes

thank you again for sending me these asks ♥ i’ll answer the rest during these next few days! you’re amazing!!

[nickmuch]

c.z.k. - high school (part 3)

PART 1 / PART 2

Note: Honestly, I have nothing to do at work atm, so I might update this daily. Can’t wait for Part 4! Bc I have finally some more Zion action planned.

Also: It might be prom season there, but you didn’t hear it from me. My favorite part to write was probably the one that took place after prom.

Aaand: mobile tumblr seems to ignore all the paragraphing I put into the text to indicate the end of a scene???? So it’s probably easier to read on the desktop version.

A week had passed since my outburst. If you thought that everything magically turned upside down and we lived a happy life riding into the sunset on our white horse, then you thought wrong. Absolutely nothing happened. I returned back to class that day, not even flinching from his words. And he came back a couple minutes later, both of us acting as if we didn’t just kiss. He went back to her and I went back to feeling like shit. The usual story.

I acted like it didn’t faze me when he approached my locker at the end of the school day. “So …” he began. “You and Edwin?”. His voice sounded nervous when he asked me. Scrunching up my face, I fully turned towards him. “Me and Edwin what?”. Sighing, he grabbed my arm making me look him dead in the eyes. “You guys together now? You both seem oddly close these days”. Wow, I couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth. “Congrats! You have officially lost your mind, Caleb” I started picking up my pace. The front door wasn’t too far from here, so I hoped he would just let it go and let me drive home in peace. I hoped for nothing because clearly, he and his long legs caught up to me rather quickly, opening the door to my passenger seat before sitting down. “Look, I’m sorry for everything. But honestly, I just wanna put this all behind us. I miss my friends and I feel like I can’t hang out with the group while you’re still mad at me” “I’m not mad at you, in fact I give zero shits about you. But if you have something to talk about with the boys, then do so. I’m not keeping you from seeing them. They were your friends first, so you have every right to chill with them. I just don’t wanna be included, s’all”. A tap on the window made us look up. There she stood, tight smile on her face and eyes cold like ice. “Aw shit” he said, hurriedly opening the door to get out and explain why in the name of God he was sitting in his Ex’s car talking. Since I seriously didn’t need to hear their arguing – which was bound to happen any second now – I quickly drove off.

“Prom is right around the corner. What do you mean you’re not going?! Yes, you are! Don’t leave me alone with these fools!”. Edwin was close to having a breakdown. All because I didn’t plan on going to prom. There was no reason to go, really. I had no date, it was way too cold In New York to walk around in a dress the whole evening, and I wasn’t in the mood anyways. “Eddie, I love you, but please don’t make me go. I would only destroy the fun” I begged, thinking that would change his mind. Wrong! Because Edwin was – well – Edwin. My excuses were exactly that: just excuses. And he knew. “Okay bebecita, I knooooow you don’t feel like going”. He was convinced that easily? Wow, okay. “But!”. Ah there it was. “We will have fun. Trust me! When have I ever lied to you?”. I mean, he was right. Whenever he said something was going to be fun, it actually turned out to be. “Fine, we’ll go! But make sure that Zion leaves me alone. He thinks we’re dating and I don’t feel like dealing with his headassery again”. Edwin’s eyes nearly fell out of his face. “What?! Oh my god, is he serious?”. A hearty laugh filled up the whole living room. “Mijo, not so loud!” his mom shouted from the kitchen, making him quit immediately. “Anyways” he plopped down next to me on the couch. “No offense, but even if you’d be the last girl in the world and we had to reproduce in order to save the human civilization, I still wouldn’t touch you” Edwin finished. “No offense taken. You’re not my type anyway” I casually said while not breaking my eyes off of the tv screen. Gasp! “I- what? I meant because you’re my twin sister! Not because of your looks!” he cried. “Uhm … oh y-yeah, that’s what I meant too …?”. No way I could save my ass out of this. He looked hurt for a second but didn’t seem to dwell on it when he used my lap as a pillow to watch the show. “Don’t be fooled, you still suck ass”.

The night of the prom, Edwin had officially turned into a bridezilla. Minus the bride, of course. His steps could be heard from everywhere in the house, like a ticking clock you couldn’t dismiss. It was driving me insane. It was driving us all insane. “Edwin, you need to calm down” I tried. “There’s no way! No. Way.” he frantically walked from one room to the other. “My clothes need to be ironed, you still aren’t in your dress- “. “It’s 2 p.m.!” my voice sounded squeakier than expected. “- … your hair’s a mess, face not beat, my hair is acting up, and the damn rental car is running late” he finished with one last breath before collapsing on my bed. “We won’t be on time. Just cancel on the boys for me, the stress isn’t good for the baby”. “What baby?!”. “Me. I’m baby”. I couldn’t believe my ears. This boy lost his mind. Narrowing my eyes at him, he challenged me back to a stare-down. “Listen here, egghead” An offended gasp left his lips. “You’ve been talking about this night for weeks. There’s no backing out now. Move your ass up and get your to-do-list, so I can help you with everything. We still have four hours left before the boys are supposed to be here. So, let’s start!”.

The white Range Rover came to a halt right in front of the school building. Loud music could be heard already, some new rap song playing in the background. “This is gonna be so lit!” Edwin bounced on his seat excitedly before jumping out and dragging the rest of us with him into the gym. The motto for this year’s prom was “neon festival”.The wall decoration was painted in a mix of fluorescent colors, which reflected every time the lights hit them. Bright yellow stars adorned the ceiling, some white smoke even coming out of a smoke machine. Everything was arranged so nicely, I couldn’t help but admire the great effort of the students who probably worked hard for this to come true. Now I understood why Edwin wanted to go so badly. Back home, our prom nights were pretty basic. No one could be bothered to put so much effort into an event, just for it to be over on the same night.

“Here, for you” Nick handed me a red solo cup, which was filled with some pink drink, accompanied by a cocktail umbrella. “Thank you” I said, turning my gaze towards the shining stars again. “I’m so sorry about what I’m gonna say next” he looked slightly uneasy, so I tried to calm him down by laying my hand on his shoulder. “Z and Asya will be joining our table. I mean, only if it’s alright with you”. As if on cue, my eyes wandered over to where I last saw the boys, seeing that – in fact – they were surrounded by the couple. All of them looked so happy, laughing and joking with each other. No matter what I felt towards Caleb, I had to set my pride aside and act nice from now on. The boys were longing to hang out with their friend again and I didn’t want to be the reason for a strain in their friendship.

“It’s alright with me” I replied. His hand cautiously wrapped around my hips, like he was scared of making me uncomfortable. “Lead the way, Mara”. He grinned at me. “Say no more, Honoret”. I rolled my eyes at the name. He knew I wasn’t really a Honoret, and yet everyone just called me that, totally ignoring all my attempts at correcting them.

Luckily, I got the seat between Edwin and Brandon. I didn’t know how to greet Zion and his girlfriend. She was too busy typing away on her phone to notice my arrival, anyways. So, I just gave him a short wave and a shy smile. “Looking nice” he said, motioning to my baby blue velvet bodycon dress. His girl was so busy, she didn’t even notice him complimenting another female. Either that, or she didn’t care. “Thanks Caleb, you too”. Coincidentally, he wore a dark grey suit with a baby blue pocket square. To not give awkward silence any room, Austin suggested to me to dance. Gladly taking his offer, we made our way to the dance floor. Soon enough, Edwin and Nick joined us, their dance moves putting me and him to shame. “You guys enjoying yourselves?” Brandon shouted over the music. I pulled him closer by his forearm to join us. “Very”. My grin however didn’t last. When I looked back to our table, I saw Zion all by himself. He looked bored, occasionally scrolling through his phone. “I’ll be right back” I told no one in particular before making my way over to the lone boy.

“Why so lonely, Kuwonu?” I nudged his arm. With a weak smile on his plump lips, he answered “Asya is preoccupied with her group of friends. I don’t really vibe with ‘em”. Nodding understandingly, I offered him to accompany me back to the others. “As long as you don’t hit the folks, we’re good” I playfully teased him. “Ha ha, very funny” Caleb sarcastically remarked. It was nice to talk to him without an attitude or tension building up. Maybe I overreacted a little bit in the last weeks. Having him around felt good, if you ignored the butterflies that erupted deep down in my stomach every time he looked at me or smiled his goofy grin. But we had our chance and it didn’t work out, that’s why I had to get over it. Better to have him as a friend than anything else. Right now, though, was about having fun and enjoying the company of good friends in a night that seemed to be endless.

The thing is, everything has an end. And so, I found myself in the booth of an old diner. The fake leather of the seats was peeling off and little bolts of cloth got stuck to our clothes. One of my legs was pressed against the window side, my other leg was touching Brandon’s involuntarily. Edwin thought a corner booth would totally suffice for all seven of us. Well, he thought wrong because now we were all huddled up, trying to get as comfortable as humanly possible with not much space between us left. Asya decided to not tag along, saying she was too tired from dancing with her friends all night.

“I hope they hurry up with our order, I’m starving!” Ansley sighed dramatically. Turns out, Austin was talking to her for weeks now, he just couldn’t build up the courage to ask her out yet. So, Edwin being Edwin, persuaded her to join our trip for a midnight-snack, claiming that “this pizza is going to be the best you’ve ever had!”. Judging from the interior design and the slack expression we were getting from the waiter, I highly doubted he was right. But then again, never underestimate Edwin.

“Okay, you were right. This is the best pizza I’ve ever had. Kudos to you, Ed” Ansley munched happily on her slice. Suspiciously examining the pieces in the center of the table, I couldn’t really put too much trust into her words. For some odd reason, the pizza had more grease on it than my face in the morning before washing it. “Just try it, she isn’t lying” Zion slid me a slice over. “If I die, tell Mama, Papa and the babies that I love ‘em” I told Ed before taking a bite. This was actually pretty good. Maybe not the best I’ve had, but it came close. “What makes this the best pizza in all of New York, though? It doesn’t taste that special”. The boys smirked knowingly, all eyes looking down trying to avoid my gaze. “It’s not necessarily the taste but rather the memories this place holds, you know? Back when we were younger, we’d spend our evenings after school here since our parents were working and we had no one to watch us in the meantime” Brandon nodded along to Edwin’s words, clearly remembering it all as if it had happened yesterday. “Can you imagine the mess we’d make?! Five little boys, full of energy rushing in to buy themselves some junk food, not a single care in the world” he paused for a moment, giving the others a short smile. The moment was filled with a melancholic retrospective feeling. “We literally grew up in this place. T’was safer to play and wait for our parents in here than at home or on the streets. I guess that’s what makes this so special to us” he shrugged. Sensing that he had finished the story, I nodded slowly, comprehending everything he just told me. “I like it here. Has charm to it”. Grinning widely, I took another bite to further prove my point.

People think of New York as this cool and hip city, with expensive luxurious apartments and such, but they seem to forget that not everyone is fortunate enough to live that life. Some of us have to learn from an early age that this world is full of bad people. Not everyone is going to wish you the best or give a helping hand. “We kinda are like OMB if you really think about it. Sure, no one is forcing us to join a gang or sum, but we do live a similar life” Zion threw in. “Actually, the weedhead might be onto something” B exclaimed. “You moving here out of nowhere” he said, pointing towards me. “Ed having to give up his room for you. A weird crackhead as a friend like Jamal” Now it was Edwin’s turn to be pointed at. “Hey! That’s rude! Besides, don’t do my bro Jamal like dat. He’s a great friend, always got their backs and shit” Ed tried to argue. “You’re a great friend, too. And an even better twin brother” I genuinely told him. A chorus of “Awwee”’s followed the round. “Now this is how you talk to friends! Take notes, ladies”. When he said ladies, he definitely wasn’t referring to me or Ansley.

The night itself turned out being amazing and I was glad that Edwin had convinced me to go to prom. We were talking about everything and nothing, really. Moments turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours, and soon it was already time to leave. Ansley had to be home soon, so Austin took it upon himself to make sure she would arrive there safely. Edwin was craving donuts from the corner shop across the street, but since he couldn’t be trusted on his own, Brandon decided to follow him. “Is B really the right fit to watch him not do any shenanigans?” Nick asked warily. “… honestly, talking from experience, I should probably go with ‘em before their sugar high kicks in”. With that, I was left alone with Zion in the booth of a run-down diner in the middle of New York. Despite being in one of the biggest cities, the world suddenly felt so small around me.

“So …” Zion said, looking around the place. “So …” I mimicked. Shaking his head, he just laughed. “This is low key awkward, not gonna lie”. It was true. In a group we no longer had trouble talking, however when alone it was a whole another story.

“I’m sorry”.

“You say sorry way too much”.

“Maybe. But this time I wanna apologize for attacking you with that kiss last week”.

“It’s all forgotten”.

His mouth opened and closed, scared to say something but I knew there still was something he wanted to get off his chest.

The bell above the door frame signaled the arrival of someone. “Guess what I gotchu guys?!” Edwin trotted over, taking a seat on the table, so that he had both me and Z on each of his sides. A small brown paper bag rested on his lap. With one swift movement, he pulled out some twizzlers, and shoved them in our hands. “And we also bought you make up wipes!” happily Brandon said in a sing-song voice. Fishing out the pack, he handed them over to me. “I love you guys!”. Nick walked in last. “Yo, I’m slowly getting tired. Can we drive home now?” sleepily he rubbed his eyes, already pulling on Zion’s sleeve. Reluctantly, Edwin followed behind, even though all he wanted was to eat his candy. His sugar high was still going in full force. Therefore, he didn’t feel an ounce of sleep.

“Why the fuck is he so bouncy?!”Austin asked. We had called him earlier to ask for his location, so that we could pick him up and drive home as well. He climbed up the Jeep, sitting next to an energetic Ed. “Twizzlers?” he offered to his friend. “No, thanks. Also, please stop smiling so creepily, you’re scaring me”. This was going to be a long drive.

Note: Part 4 will have more Zion moments. The plan is to have only one or two settings, so hopefully it’ll work out as planned.

I’d love to get some feedback, good or bad doesn’t matter!! What direction would you want this to go? How would you like this to end? Let me know!

Cami

[salemwolfgang]

Wild Ride

Request: “Hi!! First of all, i love your writing. I have a request :) I literally had a dream about this and I NEED someone to write it lol. A fan (young girl in her 20’s) meets Jeffrey Dean Morgan backstage at a comic con (she’s like obsessed with him) and he’s nice to her but standoffish bc he can see how crazy she is lol. But anyway, something happens where he ends up having to give her a ride home (like he sees her walking or something) on his motorcycle and she starts touching him.. there 😳 but he keeps moving her hand away. (So he’s playing super hard to get) and when he drops her off at home he walks her in and becomes EXTREMELY dominant and rough and fucks her. Like an angry fuck for teasing him so much. And after, he feels super guilty. Sorry this was so detailed 😫😶 I just really want a fic where Jeffrey plays super hard to get with the reader and she teases the shit out of of him until he can’t take it anymore”

Pairing: Jeffrey Dean Morgan x Reader

Warning: Smut and Cursing 

A/N: I don’t mind having a lot of detail in requests, it kinda helps a lot actually. Also I changed it from home to hotel. I know that not all of this is correct but I changed it to fit the story better. I do plan on editing it and making it a bit  longer as well if you guys want. Other than that, enjoy!

It had always been your dream to go to a Comic Con and take photos with your favorite actors. You especially wanted one with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, he had been your favorite actor for years now. Ever since you saw him in Days Of Wrath you fell in love with his acting. 

You started watching his movies and soon fell in love with not only his acting but him. Sure the age difference was massive, he could be your dad, and he was older than the guys you normally slept with but there was just something about him that made you feel some type of way. You embarrassingly have to admit that you’ve even had a few dreams about him that have left your bed sheets soaked.

When you heard that the Jeffrey was going to the con that would be at a city near you, you just had to go. For weeks you worked extra shifts to try and save up more money for meetup tickets. When the time came, you had managed to pull together three hundred dollars for the con. Plus some extra for food, the hotel and for merchandise. You planned on going to the con for the whole week plus an extra day.

A day before the con you drove to the city and checked into your hotel and walked around the city to see what places you could go to after the con. You looked for restaurants that you could go to after and picked up a few things you thought you’d need for the con. When you finished you went back to the hotel. 

After putting everything where it should go and laying out you outfit you walked over and plopped onto the bed. Resting your head on the pillows your mind began to race with all the excitement of finally meeting your favorite people. You had never done something like this and it was exciting. So much so it took you a bit before your could finally sleep properly.

A few hours later you woke frantically to the sound of your phone alarm blaring. You turned it off and got your things together to shower and get ready. You ordered room service to deliver breakfast to you at nine. When it arrived you were dressed and your hair had been fixed to what your found a suitable look. You ate your breakfast while checking through your phone for any updates on the con and checked some of the few cosplayers that would be there.

Your first day was quite exciting. You met two of the actors you adored and and bought a few shirts from the stands in the building. It was quite tiring walking around so you left a bit earlier than you wanted and got dinner at a restaurant before heading back to the hotel. You mimicked your retune from the night before but this time you spent a little extra time in the shower.

You found the shower head to be a great tension reliever.

After you went to bed this time, you fell asleep much easier and without to much trouble.

Your morning schedule was much like yesterday’s your outfit for today was a bit more revealing due to your excitement and wanting to show off to Jeffrey. On your way to the con you drifted in and out of your thoughts. They wondered about thinking of all the possible, very unrealistic, outcomes of today. They all made your heart buzz in your chest.

Before you knew it you were in line for the pictures and you were incredibly anxious. A woman who was also waiting noticed and turned to you with a light, comforting, smile.

“First time?” She asked.

“Second.” You corrected, “I’ve only done this with one other time and that was yesterday.”

“Meeting famous people will do that to yah. Especially with a man like Jeffery, he’s just so hot yah know?”

“I know, ugh. He’s so talented too; both in movies, shows and modeling.” Talking to this woman greatly calmed you down. You felt all of your nerves and worries shed away like an unwanted second skin.

You and her talked for a few more minutes while you were waiting. You found out her name was Amelia and that she was from southern Ohio. She came up with some friends who were touring around the city and going to the con as well for other people. She was also around your age and was just as obsessed with Jeffrey as you were. 

 This being your first con you decided to go all out and purchase a VIP badge to get you backstage with the actors along with a few others. Sadly Amelia was not one so she ended up going into another line. You luckily managed to get her Instagram and Twitter account before she had to go up for the meetup.

After waiting a while the actors finally started coming back stage to meet the VIP fans. There were only twenty of them so it wasn’t too overwhelming for the actors. You looked around at all of the ones who were there: Lauren Cohan, Steven Yeun, Katelyn Nacon, Tom Payne and Jeffrey were the ones who were doing the con for tonight. 

You waited excitedly to talk to Jeffrey. While you waited you managed to get a few photos and have a conversation with some of the other actors. Though you weren’t overly into The Walking Dead, you still enjoyed it. You talked to the actors about their characters and what it was like filming the show and other movies they were in.

Thankfully you managed to finally get to Jeffrey after around thirty minutes of waiting. The excitement you had bubbled up and you smiled brightly at him. Jeffrey smiled polity back.

“Hello.” His voice was calm but he was very hesitant. 

Though you seemed like a nice person, he’s seen the things fans have done. Things that were quite fucked up. Luckily you didn’t appear to be at that level, he hoped. 

“Is there anything you’d like me to sign?” You nodded and handed him two shirts and a photo card. 

He was quite surprised, the had others handed him so many things and it took a while to get it all done. He signed them quickly and then handed them back without saying much.

“I’m sorry I’m not talking much, the others wore me out. Anyways, do you have any questions?” 

“Ah yes but just three, don’t worry. First, how's your farm doing? Any new pets?” 

“It’s doing very well actually. I am getting some new animals but not for a while.”

Your smile seemed to grow bigger at his answer. All anxiety gone on slightly lingering but otherwise gone. 

“Oh sweet, that’s awesome! Do you plan on taking any new roles yet? Or just waiting until you’re finished with The Walking Dead?” 

“And last, how has your day been so far? You must be exhausted.” You voice was sympathetic towards him not wanting to add on to the stress he already felt.

“Just like every other con, some good and some bad. For the most part it’s been good.” His lips curled into a smile, a small one but one non the less.

“That’s good!” You paused admiring his relaxed features. 

Times like these reminded you of how much you liked him. 

“Okay, well that’s all. I’ll leave you alone now haha.” You got up and left with some other members out the exit.

You only stayed at the con for another hour before deciding to head back to your hotel. Your feet were sore from all the walking and you were ready for a rest. As you walked out of the building you checked your money to see if you had some for a cab or Uber but sighed when you realized you wouldn’t have enough for either.

“Looks like I’m gonna have to walk then.” You groaned out. 

God this sucked. 

Slowly you made your way back to the hotel. You had only been walking for a minute or two when suddenly a bike pulled up to you. The rider got off and walked towards you while taking off their helmet. You couldn’t believe it. It was Jeffery.

“What--what are you doing?” You were in awe that he was next to you again.

“I uh--I saw you walking and you looked exhausted so I thought I could give you a lift perhaps. What hotel are you staying at?” His voice was sincere towards you and you felt your chest flutter at the kind gesture.

“Oh you don’t have to. I can walk just-”

“No, I insist. It’s fine really.” He put his hand out that held onto the helmet for you to use.

“Umm okay then.” As you hesitantly grabbed onto it and walked towards the bike; you told him the name of the hotel you were staying at. 

You put on the helmet and sat down behind him on the seat. When he got on you snaked your hands around his waist and held on tightly. Rarely did you ride motorcycles so you were slightly on edge the first few seconds.

Though, after a few minutes, you got more confident on your position. Your hands drifted towards his crotch. You rubbed him lightly but before you went harder he moved your hand away. You felt his breathing get heavier as the ride went on. After reacting your actions once again, and being rejected again, you stopped thinking he was no longer interested. Unknown to you; that was that far from the truth.

Sadly your ride came to an end and you arrived at your hotel. Embarrassingly you got off of the motorcycle, saying a quick goodbye to Jeffrey as well as taking the helmet off to hand it back to him, and headed into the entrance. Though right as you were about to enter a hand grabbed onto your arm.  

 You quickly turned around expecting some weird stranger but instead found Jeffrey. His face was flushed and his hair very unkempt.

“You...” He gestured down to his pants. “Need to fix this. Now.” His voice was deeper than you’ve heard it before. 

It was hot.

You said nothing and just nodded. You then grabbed his hand and began pulling him up to your room. Right as your door open Jeffrey pushed the door open and grabbed onto your hips. He slammed the door shut then you on the wall. 

His mouth pushed onto yours and he hungrily pried your mouth open to taste you. You moaned at the feeling of his aggressive movements. This was more than you could ever ask for. You had little time to indulge in the kiss because he soon pulled away. His hands grabbed your thighs and he lifted you in one swift movement causing you to let out a small shriek, to which he laughed at. He then carried you to the bed and set you on it. He released his hold on you to remove his shirt and unbuckle his pants.

You began to remove your clothing as well, excitement bubbling inside you causing you to completely soak your underwear. When you were both completely nude he climbed on top of you. His stare only made the fire in your stomach to grow. You were desperate for him and only him now.

“What you did on the way here was very rude of you. Maybe I should do the same?” The thought of him teasing and edging you on sent a shiver of excitement down your spine.

“But as much as I’d want to tease the absolute fuck out of you right now; I can’t wait to just sink my cock into you.”

His lips began to trail down your jaw, neck, collarbones. Only stopping to remove your shirt and bra to continue onto your breasts. You let out a needy wine and moved your hips up to meet his.

A small, but deep, groan left his lips. 

“God, you’ll be the end of me.”

Jeffrey unbuckled and removed his pants and your did the same. He crawled on top of you and kissed your roughly. His tongue dove into your mouth with out hesitation. While distracted her moved his hands down to your inner thighs. With one swift movement your legs were pulled wide open and you wet pussy now on display for him. 

He made a hum of satisfaction as he guided his aching cock along your folds. You were so wet and just from him being aggressive too. He was going to enjoy this.

Before he pushed in he looked you in the eyes and his features seemed to soften he then whispered, “Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop.” 

You nodded in understatement, you wanted this; always have and will. With that in mind he thrusted roughly into you. The light sting seemed to add on to the pleasure surprisingly. You moaned loudly and it seemed to drive him to start at a rough pace. 

You held onto his back, nails digging into his skin. Your head thrown back and buried into the pillows; chest heaving. Man, were you a sight to behold for him. He watched as you came undone around his cock. He found himself getting close and a few thrusts later Jeffrey came into your pussy, a loud moan leaving his lips as he did so. 

Your orgasm quickly followed and he let you ride it out on him. 

“We should,” your breathe was uneven and you took in big gulps so you could talk properly. “Definitely do this again,” you continued. 

“Next time I’m free, I’ll call you.” He genuinely meant it. He liked you, he liked this.

Slowly he pulled out of you and laid next you. His arms wrapped around you and the both of you laid on the bed. A minute or to later and Jeffrey turned to you.

“Ready for another few rounds?”

“Hell yes.”

You moved to sit on top of him, your shaky  legs wrapped around his hips. Slowly you guided his cock into you once again. This time there was no pain, only strong pleasure. 

He grabbed you hips and helped you ride him, you both lasted much longer than the first time. As you rode him he pulled you down against him and started sucking harshly on your neck leaving a trailed of hickies along your neck. 

He wanted to bruise you up and show everyone how much fun you had last night. Seeing you covered in his marks riled him up and his grip on you tightened and you felt yourself cum a second time. You’ve never felt so good before.

“Hold on baby girl, I’m not done just yet.” 

He quickly flipped the both of you so he was on top again. His pace slowed but was still harsh, then he came in you again. 

“This night is going to be fun.” You smiled up at him and he smirked at you.

“You bet your ass.” 

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

Sunflower Dreams | pt I

Aaron Davis (Spiderverse) x Reader

word count: 1757 (or about that, I made some tweaks after I copy pasted it here so uh.... rough guestimate?)

summary: when young and educated y/n’s given the opportunity of a lifetime, she plans accordingly. her life is finally starting to be perfect, until suddenly, it’s not anymore. her friendly neighborhood bachelor, Aaron Davis, helps her pick up the pieces, as she unknowingly makes him see that there’s more to life than being a villain.

a/n: I decided to write this story bc Aaron Davis gets no love, which is crazy to me, and because I had a little idea cooking up in my head that I thought would be a good story. I took a lot of inspiration for the protagonist from my own life, but you’re only gonna hear slivers of it for now. I have no idea how many chapters this is gonna be, but like. I hope someone enjoys this, bc I know I will enjoy writing it. also. I wrote this story from my perspective, so when I imagine the reader, I envision her as kinda ambiguous in the ethnic department (I’m mixed but white-presenting), but she can be whatever ya’ll want her to be. lightskin, darkskin, anything. okay. Imma let ya’ll read now haha jk I also gotta say, HELL YEA I USED TREVANTE RHODES AS MY PERSONAL FANCAST FOR AARON DAVIS, THAT MAN IS FWOINE AIN’T NOBODY FINNA TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT FUCK OUTTA HERE

    I didn’t make a big deal about moving to New York to pursue my Masters. Already had my Bachelors in Business Administration with a minor in Fine Arts, just got my Bachelors in Education, and now I was ready to chase after my Masters. It only made sense to take the opportunity. How often are you gonna be offered a full ride in exchange for opening your own business in Brooklyn upon graduation, with the funding necessary to do so? Once it took off, I’d return to Tacoma and pay the city my gratitude for making me who I was.

     As I was saying, it was a quiet departure. Thank God I’m a minimalist, otherwise I would’ve had a LOT more items to bring with me. My boyfriend and I packed all my belongings and made the trek across the US after saying goodbye to my family and friends. He was driving. We held hands all the way there. Sometimes speaking, sometimes not.

     When we got to my new home, I already had a parcel of mail waiting for me from my university. After we took up the first load, we sat down on my empty floor and opened it. It welcomed me home and had a map, coffee shops and fun places circled for me to go visit. It was sweet.

     By noon we had everything in my unit thanks to a friendly neighbor named Aaron Davis and his nephew, a funny kiddo named Miles who reminded me of why I came to New York in the first place, and by the evening we had everything unpacked. We walked to a Starbucks and had coffee and sandwiches, now sitting on my bed with our stomachs full. The window was open, the faint beeps and honks of traffic coming from far below.

     We curled up into each other. “I fucking hate this,” I said. “It’s not fair.”

     “I know. I do too. And you know I would stay here with you if I could, but I’m still having no luck finding a job here.”

     “Fuck finding a job, I’ll be the breadwinner of the family,” I laughed, even though I was serious. He knew I was.

     “I can’t burden you like that financially. I promise, as soon as I land an interview, you’re gonna be the first to know. And as soon as I get hired, I’m showing up on your doorstep.” He kissed my forehead. “I don’t say it near enough, but I love you, and I’m so proud of you.”

     “I love you too. And thank you. It’s like, my entire life is falling perfectly into place, all but- well- except for you.”

     “We’ll get there, I promise. For now, just finesse every man or woman here who will buy you dinner, and try to have fun.” He rubbed my back, continuing, “You’ve never dated anyone but me, so... take it as your opportunity to learn about what you like, and once we’re together again, we can find a way to fit any new and quirky tastes you find you have into the relationship. But-“ His hand moved down quick and slapped my ass, squeezing it and illiciting an ‘ow’ of protest from me- “This is still mine, so no fucking, or else I’ll be doing more beating than just beating that pussy up.”

     I laughed and said, “You fuckin’ freak.”

     “Yea, but you like that shit.” He said confidently.

     “Shut the fuck up, why you gotta be so loud about what we do when the window’s open?” I gave him a light punch, then whispered in his ear, “But aye, like, I won’t deny it.”

     “Good, because that would’ve been real awkward after I’ve been in them guts for four years straight.” Then he lowered his voice. “Speaking of which, I’m trynna be in them once more tonight and tomorrow morning.”

     “I dOn’T hAvE aS HiGh Of A sEx dRiVe As YoU!” I mocked him in my best Spongebob voice. “Always lyin for why?”

     He pulled me on top of him and kissed me, his way of telling me to shut up nicely. “Shhhh, I’m just trynna make the most of the time we have left before I have to go back to Tacoma.”

     “But you don’t have to go,” I said, “You can stay here-“

     He cut me off with a series of kisses, “I already-“ “-bought-“ “-the tickets-“ “-so I actually do kinda have to.” He wrapped his arms around me, petting my hair. He always said I had the softest curls he’d ever touched.

     “I just wish you could stay,” I whispered. “We’ve already made it through so much, each of us on our own and then together, I just-“ I cut myself off. The tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. “-I just-“

     “Baby, say it. If your overthinker brain is gonna torture you with this, I wanna hear it so I can put those thoughts to rest.”

     “I just keep thinking that something’s gonna happen to you and I’m gonna lose you. The very idea of that terrifies me, and makes me want to weep-“ I go cross eyed as I watch a tear fall from my eye and trail down my nose- “-because I don’t know how to live without you. And I mean that in a couple ways.”

     “Well... I’m not leaving you forever. I’m coming back here as soon as possible, I’m gonna talk to you on Discord every chance I get, I’m gonna call you every day,  and I’m gonna go to sleep every night dreaming that I’m here with you. For all we know, I could be coming back here in less than a month.” He tilted my chin up to look in my eyes. “Even if I’m not physically present, I’m always gonna be here. You’re never alone.”

     “I love you.”

     “I love you too.”

     In the morning, we slept in late and cuddled until he absolutely had to get up. We both hopped in the shower and he put on his airport clothes while I pulled on a pale, lemon yellow sweatsuit with a white gold chain to match. Gotta let these hoes know, I outdress them even on my bummy days.

     The ride to the airport was a back and forth between us kissing at red lights and screaming out different lyrics from XXXTentacion, Post Malone, JUICE WRLD and whoever the hell else we felt like listening to as we drove, much like we did since the beginning of our relationship.

     When we got there, we took our time saying goodbye since he didn’t have to stress too much about baggage check. We said we loved each other, once I couldn’t see him anymore I called him and we talked while I drove back to my new home and he waited for his flight, and then he was called to board so we got off the phone, but not before he promised me that he would call me as soon as he landed.

     When I got home, I stopped by the mailbox to see if I had anymore mail and simultaneously checked my Instagram, seeing a flurry of notifications. Suddenly, his mom called me.

     “Hi mom, what’s up? Are you okay?” I said as I scrolled through my Instagram, trying to make sense of all the digital confusion.

     She sniffled.

     “Mom, what happened?”

     “Check the news, babygirl... have you not seen it yet?”

     “Uh, no, I haven’t, but I’ll check it out right now,” I said, putting her on speakerphone.

     She started sobbing, saying “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have called you like this, but I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

     And that’s when I saw my worst fears in a news article:

NYC - Sea Bound Plane Crashes, No Survivors

A horrific accident has happened today, and experts are still struggling to find out how - a plane headed to Seattle malfunctioned mid-flight, claiming the lives of everyone on board. Many of the victims have already been identified by their families, not by looks, but by the identification on their bodies at the time of the incident. Below this article are photos of the bodies. If you think you can identify one of them, contact...

     I couldn’t finish reading. I scrolled and saw the bodies, all of them mangled and torn apart, almost unrecognizable as humans. Hearing his mom say ‘he’s dead’ over and over again as I stared at the pictures made me lose my stomach.

     Up came all of my breakfast, and whatever Starbucks I hadn’t yet digested from the night before.

     “Mama, I love you, but I have to call you back later-“ a pause as I threw up again. “I’m physically sick. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed the last sentence, and after hearing a teary goodbye from the other end, hung up. I’d dropped my mail the first time and only now noticed that it was covered in my mess. I didn’t care. I started crying, which was a mistake, because it only made me throw up more, this time nothing but bile.

     “Hey, are you okay?” I whipped around, facing Aaron Davis, the friendly man from the day before.

     “I- I’m sick.” I said, and immediately burst into tears. “Please help me.” Those three words rarely ever left my mouth, but even I know when I can’t do something on my own. He put his keys in his pocket and reached out to me.

     Mere minutes later, I was in my unit, crouched over the toilet, heaving. Aaron had guided me there, holding my hair out of my face as I continued to puke. He called management and told them what happened, and he told me they were already cleaning it up.

     “Listen... I know it’s not my place to say anything, seeing as I’m just your neighbor, but...” He rubbed the back of his neck as he was crouched beside me. “I overheard the phone call. And I overheard the conversation you had with your boyfriend last night. He loved you.”

     “I know he did.” I said, because it was true.

     “I just... look, if you need anything, I’m here. I know you‘re hurting a lot right now, and I know you may want nothing but for everyone to leave you alone, especially the new dude who isn’t minding his business, but if you need anything, I’m here. And Imma check up on you. You’re not alone. You’re never alone.”

     I laughed, but it held no real warmth. “He said that last part to me yesterday night.”

     “He was right. And still is.”

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Doctor Doctor ~ Stan Uris

Request: “hi i’m ~back~ cause i can never get enough of stan🤭 lmao anyway can i get another w aged up! stan where they’re already dating for like a few months the reader is always like tired and run down and stan like makes her stay home one day and just like takes care of her???? idk how to explain it but i mean,,,, if there WERE to be some smut in there i would complain🤭 lmao if not it is ok! if so thanks AGAIN i 💓💓 ur stories” - @campcampie 

A/n: Man I love Stan too!!!! I love getting requests for him- there isn’t enough content ,my boy deserves better... I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG UGH! - A. Pidge

Warnings: Fluffy fluff. Some angst bc that’s what I’m best at but it’s for like, a millisecond and then it’s over. Aso, yes, some smut because give me permission and I will be ALL OVER IT! Aged up to 18/19

Song Suggestion: "Can’t Sleep Love" by Pentatonix

MASTERLIST

College was really fucking stressful, okay?

Stan and I had long since been living together, starting out as roommates. We met at orientation, happening to sit next to each other. We got talking when some boy made a comment and I snapped at him, shooting down his insulting remarks. Stan backed me up when the boy tried to retaliate. After that, we started to hang out weekends and discuss college and living situations and... yeah. Why not live with someone you trust and know in a new places full of new faces, right?

Not long after we roomed together we started to realize that we were a lot closer than we’d thought we’d be. Our apartment was small and I couldn’t even count how many times we’d seen each other mostly or half naked in the bathroom alone, not to mention the added moments that happened when one of us came into the other’s room without thinking or just too tired to register or soemthing along that line. Things just happen. He was attractive and smart and funny and I was outspoken and organized. We took to each other, meeting in a lot of ways and then complimenting each other too. He admired how I organized his gut instincts and nonsensical habits and I liked how he drove me to focus when things got irritating or could keep me going even without caffeine- which came in handy for homework or study/cram sessions. Honestly it was no surprise even to us when he came into the kitchen one morning, spun me around, and slammed a kiss on my lips and casually asked me to be his like it was an every day occurrence.

It was nice to have someone to ground you in the stress and chaos. We were there to fight the long nights and the lonely mornings. We turned one of the bedrooms into a study room and shared the other, and it wasn’t even a hard transition. It was smooth, like spreading soft butter across bread. He was so nice and sweet- this light in my life that light me up and never failed to make my day better, even if I thought it impossible.

It had been a few months now and I was sure I was completely in love.

The last month and a half or so had been preparations for finals and honestly, I was working so hard between school and my job and my relationship with Stan that I was exhausted. I was trashed and worn thin. Stan would make gestures and try to cheer me up and it felt like I was just dragging him down. A heaviness in my stomach was born and grew until it felt like I’d swallowed an anchor that was constantly dragging me down. Stan was a balloon and this anchor inside of me was dragging us both down. I felt terrible.

Unable to shake the heavy feelings I had, I started to just avoid Stan. I worked and I schooled and I studied and I ate and I slept. Moments at home were spent without breaks or moments with my boyfriend and I could tell it was bothering him.

New fears started to rise in me. What if it was too much for him, me being such a mess? What if this happened every final? How were we going to make it through college? What if thi happened every time some serious stressor came into my life? Would I shut him out when bills got hard to pay? When a client was being extra tricky? If a boss was being especially difficult? How would we make it through life? I knew Stan wanted kids, one day. He’d mentioned it passively once while we were a little drunk. What if I was a bad mom and got stressed with the kids? How would we make it through life?

One morning I woke up to an empty bed, which surprised me because my body had just decided to wake up fourth-five minutes before I had work. It was a Saturday and I didn’t have school, but I did have work. Saturday’s Stan had one class in the afternoon. He used it as his day off, usually to clean and for date nights- which usually consisted of movies and bubble nights and such at-home activities since I was always exhausted from work. Because it was his day off, though, he got up at 12:00 pm exactly. No sooner, no later. Ever. So where was he at 6:15 in the morning?

I made my way into the kitchen just to see Stan cooking, shirtless and in his fuzzy pajama pants that I adored because he looked like a middle-aged dad and it made think of our future and smile because I swear to God this boy was the One. Now though I was far too distracted by his exposed midriff to give a rat’s ass about the future. The present needed some appreciation.

Walking up to him, I pressed my cheek to his back, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. "Good morning, Darling Mine."

"Good morning, Babylove." My heart skipped a beat and I wondered if he could feel my blush against his skin the same way I could hear the smile in his voice. "Why are you up so early?"

I left a little kiss on his shoulder. "I could ask you the same thing."

Stan reached forward, turning the oven off. "If you’re not going to let go then hope on, I have to plate these omlettes." I giggled but indeed hopped on his back - with his help - , wrapping my legs and arms around him to keep my elevated position. It was childish and silly but I knew we were both enjoying the moment without any tainting of stress from school or work or general life. "I noticed you’ve been avoiding me." My smile feel, having forgotten my stress induced dodge and ditch in the happy grogginess I’d been holding onto. "Figured you were stressed." He got forks, setting the table and then pausing to let me get down. When I had both feet on the floor he turned to me, either of his hands on my face. "You know I love you right?"

His eyes were as soft as his touch was warm and the smell of food and the fluffiness of his hair- shit, he made me weak. I about melted right there, especially when he leaned forward to kiss me on the nose before resting his forehead against mine. My hands went to his waist, pulling him closer as his thumb brushed against my cheekbones. "I love you too," I nearly hummed.

Somehow he understood me, leaning back and motioning to my seat where my food awaited me on the table in front. "Even when you’re stressed and thighs get ridiculous, I still love you." I sat and he moved behind me, kissing the top of my head. "You need to talk to me instead of shutting me out." His voice was low and full only of love and care. I saw what I’d heard in his face as he moved to his chair next to me.

Nodding, I relaxed into my chair, letting the stress and angst roll off of me. "I know. I’m sorry, I’ll work on it."

Stan smiled and I forgot absolutely anything else. "That’s all I ask." We ate breakfast, talking as I told him everything going on and he gave me reassurance and validation and support and just made it all seem so easy and far away. We’d handled it. Together. It would be fine. What had I been so bent out of shape about again?

My alarm sounded in my room just as Stan stood to take our dishes to the sink. Instantly my stress back, my face twisting as I stood, sighing. "That’s my cue. Thank you so much, Stan, this means so much to me." I moved to kiss him but when I went to lean away he followed me. I tried to move away again but he stayed close, his hand brushing down my face. My hand planted flat on his chest and I was reminded once again of his skinny but fairly defined frame. Holey April he was so beautiful... "I- I have to go to work Stan."

He frowned. "Don’t go today."

"Stan you know I can’t just not go to work." I rolled my eyes, not allowing myself to even let a second pass with the possibility on my mind. It was too good of an idea. A whole day with Stan, with just an hour and a half break. "You have class later anyway, and I-"

"I won’t go today," he shrugged, pulling me close.

Looking at him evenly, I rose my eyebrow. "We are busting our asses off at jobs to pay for school, don’t give me that shit." I turned away, slipping under his arm and making my way into our room. I stopped my alarm, grabbing my work clothes out of the drawers and setting them on my bed. I took a quick shower, tying my hair up so it wouldn’t be wet. I got out, brushing my teeth on my way as I moved back into the room, toward my clothes.

Stan seemed to be waiting for me, leaning against the entryway into our room. His eyes scanned every bit of skin that the towel didn’t cover and I cleared my throat. His smile turned into a smirk. "Oh come on don’t pretend I’m so oblivious I don’t know that you’ve been checking me out all morning. It’s my turn to appreciate the view now." My whole face burned and for the first time since we’d first had sex, I was shy to change in front of Stan. I grabbed my shirt, pausing. He laughed at my awkward expression, seeming to read my mind as always. He pushed off the entryway and made his way to me, slipping behind me. His lips suddenly pressed against my exposed shoulder and. Shivered, my breath catching. "Now you know how it feels."

"Revenge for earlier?" I asked without volume as my air was completely stolen by him, my eyes fighting to stay open as I struggled to fight him.

His hands moved from my wrists to my shoulders and then across my back, fingering the edge of my towel. "Revenge? No. Simply a return favor."

We hadn’t had sex in a while. Even before I was avoiding him I’d been really wrung out and tired and just emotionally raw and with his stress as well we’d just not found the moment we were both in the mood. With the suggestive promise dangling in front of me, I dropped my shirt without realizing. "Stan," I breathily warmed.

He chuckled, leaning close and kissing my neck now. I sucked in a sharp breath, my head tilting to allow him more access without going myself actual permission to do so. He reached for my phone on the side table. "You deserve a day off. Relax. Let me help you relax..." I heard the phone ringing and turned to face him. "Hi, this is Stanley Uris. I’m here to call you that Y/n is REALLY sick, and she won’t be able to come in today." My eyes opened and I reached for my phone. He flicked my hand and my towel fell. He stepped back as I scrambled to pull my towel up, winking. I tried to glare but my lips were pulling into a smile I had to fight. He had his eyes on me, hungry, but when he spoke again his voice was practiced. "Yes, she’s so very sorry and hopes you understand. You can imagine how much of a fight it was with how good of a worker she is. So dedicated." There was a pause and he chuckled. "Yes, she’ll be well taken care of, thank you for your concern." The look in his eyes made me whimper. "You have a good day too." And then he hung up.

I huffed as he placed my phone on the dresser, a shit eating grin on his face. It was hard to stay mad at him though he wore it so well. "Stan, we have responsibilities-"

"And we can sluff them ONE TIME,” he reasoned. "You’re working yourself sick and I’m tired of how messed up we both are." His hands cupped my cheek. "I miss you Y/n. I want you."

I sighed, shaking my head. "Well, the damage is done." He dipped his head, kissing and nipping at my neck. "And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you too." He chuckled, blowing after leaving little mark after little mark on my skin.

His finger traced the top of the towel against my chest. "May I?" I nodded and he tugged it off of me. This time I let it fall to the floor and he leaned back just a bit, taking me in. "God, you’re beautiful." And then he kissed me, so deeply and passionately that I groaned. The back of my legs hit the bed and I sat down. He smiled down at me before leaning and I scooted back, him following as he moved over me. We stopped with my head on the pillow, my hands rising to wrap around the back of his neck, fingers slipping into his hair as he attacked my neck until he was satisfied, moving lower to my chest. "Good thing the doctor is here to take care of you, you look a little sick." He smirked up at me.

I laughed, the stress falling away again to give away to lust. "Doctor, Doctor, it’s an emergency. I need you immediately."

His words were full of promise as he teased, "Don’t worry Babylove, I'll take care of you."

And boy did he.

[puckyeahhockey]

Stitches {A. Matthews}

Requested: yes/no

okay this post was a disaster so i deleted it bc of some sweet souls who brought it to my attention so let me try again

Word Count: 1.2k

“I can’t keep doing this,” you screamed at your boyfriend. Tonight marked the fifth time this week alone he came in stumbling, smelling of vodka and god know what else. Tonight was the night you finally broke, tired of waiting in the kitchen for a call you knew deep inside you weren’t going to get, that he was on his way back safe and sound. The stress was eating you alive every single night and to think of what you gave up for him, for this lifestyle, was just as bad. You used to live close to family, not far away from where you grew up. You had a stable job and steady income with familiar faces everywhere you went. Toronto didn’t have that. Yeah, after being here for a while you met some people but it wasn’t the same.

“Then run off with Auston or whatever his name is because you can’t keep his name out of your mouth” he slurred screaming back at you. He really don’t care about the relationship, let alone you.

“Are serious right now? Just because I see him at work every few days doesn’t mean anything, you’re crazy,” you said in disbelief that he would even bring it up. You had gotten a job at the local cafe and Auston and the team came after practices quite often for some food.

“Yeah okay,” he taunted walking towards you getting in your face and shoving you. You stumbled back into the kitchen counter, not only from the impact but the shock that he would even put his hands on you in that way. You knew he was drunk and his judgement was about as good as a small child but that still gave him no right. He sauntered towards you in an attempt to corner you.

“Fuck you,” you growled shoving him off of you in retaliation. His fist collided with your face gutting your nose and chin. He punched you only a few times but hard. Blood was dripping from your nose down your face and onto your clothes but that was the last thing you were worried about. You managed to get away and ran to the other side of the kitchen trying to figure out what to do next. You didn’t have your phone to call for help and you weren’t going to leave him alone in your home and let him win.

“See what happens when you don’t play nice like the little lady you are,” his voice grew quiet and condescending.

“Get out,” you yelled hoping a neighbor would hear you and check in or that he would just leave.

“I don’t think so princess.”

“Get the fuck out,” you demanded this time grabbing ahold of a kitchen knife and pointing it towards him.

“Yes ma’am,” he gave in and made his way but not before swiping everything off the kitchen island, which included glass, to the floor shattering it. With that he shut the door, leaving you with the mess he created.

Blood was still running from your face and was in splatters across the floor, your face by now was probably swollen, and glass was everywhere on the floor. You just stood there admiring what you were left to clean up unsure of what to do next.

You figured to start with picking up the large chunk of glass on the floor carefully tiptoeing around the room.

“Auston,” you whispered to yourself remembering he had given you his number if you needed anything since you were new to the city. You quickly grabbed your phone from you purse and dialed him.

“Hello?” he picked up after a few rings.

“Hey Auston, its Y/ N. Um, I was wondering if you could come over I could use some help,” you explained giving him as little information as you could to not worry him.

“Uh yeah, yeah, just text me your address and I’ll hurry over,” he replied with a sense of urgency. Maybe he picked up on how you were swallowing back tears and fear or the way your voice shook as you spoke.

“Holy shit, who did this?” he said as you guided him to the kitchen.

“Uh, soon to be ex boyfriend,” you said pulling a wet cloth to your face to try and help with the swelling.

“Are you okay? Did he hit you?” Auston questioned frantically as he took closer note of your face.

You nodded as he approached you. “Oo watch for glass I tried to vacuum up as much as I could,” you warned, him clearly ignoring it.

“I think you need to go to the hospital,” he said lifting your face with his finger.

“Oh no I’m fine,” you tried assuring him it ultimately failed.

“No I think you might need stitches,” he informed you, “you’re still bleeding more than you should. Did he have a ring on?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted,” Probably.”

“Whatever he had cut you pretty bad,” he sighed guiding you towards your front door.

“See I told you you needed them,” Auston teased walking back to his car. You had to get a couple stitches under your eye. The doctor explained you had come extremely close to breaking your nose but thankfully didn’t.

“Thank you for taking me I really appreciate it,” you expressed as you clicked your seatbelt.

“Are you sure want to go back being that he has a key?” Auston asked as he started his car.

“Yeah, I don’t really have another place to go,” you sighed wondering if your boyfriend was at home already or out with whoever he is usually with.

“You could come stay with me and some of the other guys from the team,” he offered.

“Oh no I don’t want to intrude or anything being that they’re there,” you fought.

“Well, I can’t let you go back there,” he stated. “You can either come stay with me and the guys or I’m grabbing you a hotel room. I don’t want to risk him being there or coming back and this getting worse than it is.”

“Auston, I appreciate it, I really do, but I can’t. You shouldn’t be wasting you money on me and, again, I don’t want to intrude,” you stated. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number, putting the phone on speaker for you to listen.

“Is it okay if I tell them,” Auston asked and you nodded. You were still unaware of who he was calling but it was probably on of his teammates. You figured why hide it because they’ll see you at work eventually.

“Hey man! What up? Everything okay?” Mitch answered.

“Put me on speaker with the guys,” Mitch obeyed. “Would you mind if Y/N spent the night with us? Her soon to be ex I guess got into a heated argument with her and hit her. We are currently in the hospital parking lot because she had to get stitches and almost broke her nose,” Auston informed them.

“Are you fucking serious?” a voice emerged from the background.

“Bring her over, everyone is so pissed, oh god,” Mitch said into the phone over the profanities. ”She can stay as long as she needs until we get this figured out because she can’t go back.”

“Alright, on our way,” Auston said and hung up. “I told you so.”

“I really really appreciate it but cool it. I make your food after practice, don’t forget,” you playfully warned him as he drove off.

[sunlitblue]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (3)

and here’s part three! sorry, this part doesn’t have too much plot stuff, but that’s only bc the next one is gonna be pretty exciting. thank you to everyone who’s been giving this story love, you’re all angels. enjoy! <3 (also i’m still figuring out some of the plot of this, so message me w your theories on who sent the letters or send me memes u think race would tag you in!) 

part 1 / part 2 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8

The next day, you stayed at school a little late, figuring you could catch Race after track practice to discuss your… arrangement. It also had the added benefit of allowing you to avoid Jack, who you knew was spending most afternoons at the community theatre across town, helping them paint backdrops for an upcoming show.

 (You weren’t stalking him, or memorising his schedule, or anything. You were just observant. You took note of behaviour. That was it.)

 Race was on his last lap around the track when he saw you sitting on the bleachers. You gave him a little wave and his face lit up with a smile. He winked and kept on running. When he was done, and presumably back in the locker room, your phone pinged with four rapid texts from an unknown number.

 hey babe I’m just showering and then I’ll come see you ;)

this is race btw

i’m really good at texting like a boyfriend

fake or otherwise

Even though he couldn’t see you, you rolled your eyes anyway.

��Yeah, okay hotshot

Come find me on the bleachers when you’re ready

When Race showed up, with a red face and wet, curly hair he gave you a cheeky grin, looked around to see some of the track team boys were still milling around, and he placed a quick peck on your cheek. You didn’t let yourself blush, remembering that it was all for show, and you pulled up a Word document on your laptop.

“Okay, so, this is going to be our contract,” you said, preparing yourself for his teasing.

“We have a contract? This isn’t Suits, man. It’s a fake relationship. We don’t need a contract!” 

“Uh, we so do need a contract, Higgins! We need to draw boundaries and limits and we need to stick to them.”

 He rolled his eyes and moved a little nearer to you on the bench, so that he could see your laptop screen.

 “Wow, nothing like a list of comprehensive rules and guidelines to really bring the romance, huh?”

 “Fake-romance,” you corrected him.

 “Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, what’s first on the contract?”

 “Okay, first up, no kissing.”

 He spluttered comically for a bit.

 “No kissing? How are we supposed to convince anyone that we’re dating if we can’t kiss?”

 “Look, plenty of couples avoid PDA. We can still, like, link pinkies or whatever.”

 “Link pinkies? Wha-? Are you living in the 80s? This isn’t Grease, babe.”

 “Look, Race, physical stuff may not mean anything to you, but it’s important to me, okay?”

 “Whoever said physical stuff didn’t matter to me?”, he muttered under his breath. But, after a moment he sighed. “Fiine, put it on the contract.

 You typed it up and looked expectantly at him.

“Okay, you get no kissing, but, number two, you have to hang out with me and my friends at lunch and come to parties with me.”

“Technically, that’s two and three. And, I get parties, but why lunch?”

He stared at the ground.

“Spot always sat with us at lunch, so he’d definitely notice if you were with me and the guys.”

“Fair enough.”

You typed that, and then said, “Also, we cannot tell anyone that this is fake. Gossip spreads like wildfire at this school so nobody can know that this isn’t a real relationship. Not even Albert, or your track team buddies.”

“Obviously. And don’t act like I can’t keep secrets. You can’t tell Davey or Katherine. I had journalism with her last year and I’m pretty sure that she would disapprove of this plan.”

He was right, of course he was.

“Fine, deal. Anything else?”

“Oh! You have to come with me on the ski trip trip in December,” he said triumphantly.

Your high school’s annual ski trip was infamous for being the weekend when most of your school lost their virginity. Some schools had the night after prom, but your school had two days and a night spent in the mountains.

“The ski trip? As in the one just before Christmas break? We’d have to stay together for three months to go on that.”

“Listen, no one in a relationship would ever let their boyfriend go on that trip alone. And, if we’ve gotta keep up until then, then so be it. Spot will definitely be there, so he’ll notice if I’m with someone else. We can break up after the trip, no harm, no foul.”

“Okay, fine. But we will not be sharing a room.”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Anything else you want me to add, oh wise one?” you asked.

“Uh, well, there is this one thing,” he said, sounding a little hesitant. You motioned for him to go on. “Well, Spot always thought it would be cute if I wrote him little letters and put them in his locker or gave them to him, or whatever, and I never did it. Um, if he saw me giving those to you, he’d probably get pretty jealous.”

“Badass Spot Conlon, who would beat up anyone who looked at him wrong wanted love letters? That’s so cute!”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more to him than just being angry and bitchy. I bet he’s got his college boyfriend writing him all sorts of letters now,” Race scoffed.

“He left you for a college guy? That’s rough, Race. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, its whatever,” Race quickly said. “So, that’s the contract, then?”

“Yeah,” you said, satisfied.

“Perfect,” he grinned, and his blue eyes were twinkling again.

“You do know that you missed the bus today, right?” he said, after a moment.

“Uh, yeah, I was just gonna walk home.”

“Holy shit, what is it with you and walking? Do you not have your license?”

“Uh, I do. But driving terrifies me and I’d probably end up killing someone – or myself – if I drove every day. But, yeah, I don’t mind walking.”

“Well, if you’re dating me, there will be no walking. I’ll give you a lift home and a ride to school in the morning, if you want one.”

“Are you serious? You don’t need to do that, Race.”

“Nah, I want to. What kind of fake-boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

He smiled at you and you realised that Race had been right the day before. You could do worse. As far as fake high school boyfriends went, Race was probably one of the best options you had.

“I’d appreciate that. Thanks, Higgins.”

“No biggie. Now, let’s go. The Bachelorette is on tonight and I need to see who Becca chooses.”

Before long, Race had dropped you off at home, with a cheeky wink and promise to text. As soon as you were inside, your phone lit up with a message from him.

see ya bright and early tomorrow morning, girlfriend ;)

You rolled your eyes and typed a quick reply. Then, you went to contacts and your hand hovered over Katherine’s name. You’d have to tell her what had happened with Jack and explain that you were now (somehow) dating Race Higgins.

The phone rang twice, and you could practically hear the smile in her voice when she greeted you, as bright and cheerful as ever. You talked for a little bit about school and she told you about college and you realised that you probably couldn’t put it off for any longer. As soon as you said that you had something to tell her, she sounded more than a little worried.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“This story is going to sound pretty weird but hear me out. You know when I was little, I used to write those letters to myself?”

“Yeah, you said that your mom told you to do it if you ever needed help figuring out your feelings.”

“Yeah, well, not all of the letters were to myself. I wrote some to guys I had crushes on and I swear that I never sent any of them out, but, um, somehow, some of those guys, got their letters?”

“Oh, shit. That sounds stressful. Who’d you write to?”

“That’s the thing that I need to tell you… When you first got with Jack, I thought that I was into him and I wrote him a letter. I was never going to send and I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually have feelings for him, I was just a little torn up because it felt like I was losing my best friend to my sister. But, uh, he got the letter. And, I figured that I should tell you before you heard it from someone else. And, also, uh, Race Higgins and I are dating.” The last sentence slipped out so quickly that you hoped she had missed it.

She was silent for a long time and you were worried that the phone might have died while you were talking and then, you heard a sigh.

“That is… a lot. I’m not going to lie, I am pretty pissed off right now. I don’t care if you were into Jack or not. You wrote a love letter to my boyfriend, while I was dating him. And Race Higgins? Like Spot’s Race Higgins? What the fuck? Look, I’ve got a report due tomorrow, and I really don’t need to be stressed right now, so we can just talk about this some other time.”

She was definitely mad.

“Kath, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear.”

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She hung up. It was not fine. You felt like crying and crumpling yourself into a ball, when your phone pinged with a notification from Instagram.

@racehiggins tagged you in a post.

It was some stupid meme, and you knew he’d only tagged you in it because people from school would see it, but it brought a smile to your face, anyway.

Race was getting pretty good at making you smile, and you hadn’t even been fake-dating for a week. Maybe, this would all work out well.

TAGLIST: @hungoverhellhound @seriously-ceci @the-butterfly-anon @ben-cook-can-cook @pinecovewoods @brendonuriehimself

[sweetlysilent]

Distance

Requested By: @purelyparker

hi there :-) i love your writing sm so i was wondering if you could write a tom holland imagine based off of the song “give me love” by ed sheeran where the reader breaks up with tom bc of his hectic acting schedule but they both aren’t taking the breakup very well (however THERES A HAPPY ENDING?? HOPEFULLY???) but that’s just an idea; it’s totally up to you to put your own spin on it or go in a different direction !! thank you SOSO much🤗💛

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Description: Tom had been traveling a lot lately, so much to the point you rarely saw him at all, sure you’d call and text occasionally, but that wasn’t enough, you supported his acting career 100%, but you couldn’t take it anymore.

Warnings: Kinda sad, slight mention of alcohol, but then happiness :)

Word Count: 2,661

A/N: This actually turned out a lot better than I thought it was going to tbh, so I hope you enjoy it :)) Also, this gif has nothing to do with the imagine, I just thought it was a cute gif of Tom, oops.

It had been two months since you last seen Tom, he was off filming for Spider-Man Homecoming, which you totally understood, it took dedication and time, but so did your relationship with him.

Normally when he went off and filmed movies you two were okay, you didn’t normally have issues and you’d still see him and talk almost everyday, but this time it was different.

Tom just disappeared, you’d get an occasional text here and there, sometimes a phone call, but that was it.

You were left in the dark, just like a fan was.

It’s not that you didn’t love his fans, you did with all your heart, they were half the reason you were still sane, since they seemed to have more knowledge about Tom than you did yourself, and you were the one dating him.

You spent those long two months trying to decide on what to do, on what you thought was right and necessary, or more so healthy.

You knew deep down this relationship with Tom was fading, it was becoming stressful and making you more and more upset as the days went by.

‘Cause lately I’ve been waking up alone,

Pain splattered teardrops on my shirt.

Every morning you’d wake up, in hope of a good morning text, literally anything to show that maybe, just maybe he remembered you, but there was never anything.

This crushed your heart, everyday.

Until one day you had enough, you didn’t want to do this, but it was for the best, it was the right decision, it was the smart decision, this relationship wasn’t healthy for you anymore.

You started packing your belongings from Tom’s apartment, tears streaming down your face as you packed up boxes of your belongings.

You dreaded leaving his clothes behind that you always wore, but you knew if you took them you’d never let him go, and you needed to, it was for the best you would tell yourself.

You took one last look around his apartment, the one you had been living in for the past year, all the memories you two had created there were slowly being erased.

You let out a choked sob as you picked up the few boxes you had, before closing and locking the apartment door, and off to your new tiny little apartment your parents had gotten you a while back.

It was a few hours away from Tom’s which was good in a small sense, but at the same time your mind was moving at warp speed, unable to process you were moving back into your old apartment.

You arrived at nightfall, pulling your belongings out of your car before entering your tiny living space, you always had the feeling of comfort and safety in your apartment.

Maybe tonight I’ll call ya,

Maybe I should let you go.

You set your boxes on the counter of your kitchen, pulling out your phone, shakily dialing in Tom’s number.

You pressed the phone to your ear hesitantly, hearing it ring a few times before someone picked up.

“Hello?” A voice rung through your apartment, making your knees go weak.

“Hey Tom..” You murmured into the phone, biting your lip nervously, a bad habit you had gotten.

“Oh, hey Y/N! What’s up?” He questioned casually, as if he had no clue in the world how distant he had been with you these past few months.

“I-I uhm..” You stuttered, your heart beating rapidly, as you nervously swallowed, which Tom could hear through the phone.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Tom questioned worriedly, making you blink back tears that were daring to fall down your cheeks.

“No.. Tom.. Things aren’t okay.. They haven’t been for a while..” You spoke, voice barely above a whisper, but Tom heard you clear as day, his heart starting to beat quicker.

“Y-Y/N, you’re starting to scare me, what’s going on?” He stammered, he was now sitting down at a table on set.

“Tom..” You started, wiping your hand across your cheeks, tears continuing to fall down them.

“Do you realize how long it’s been since we’ve talked?” You asked, sitting down on a stool in your kitchen, waiting for his answer.

Tom sat there for a minute, puzzled at your question, until he started to realize how he’d been acting, as if you didn’t even exist.

“Y/N, o-oh my god, I’m s-so sorry.” Tom apologized, his eyes wide as he started to put pieces together.

“Tom, just stop, please?” You whimpered out, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Y/N, p-please don’t do this..” Tom whispered, his voice cracking, he couldn’t bare lose you.

“Tom, this isn’t healthy, I can’t keep living like this..” You whispered, sniffling, your heart hurting the more you spoke.

“I can change, I can fix things, I-I promise..” Tom pleaded, tears starting to brim his eyes.

“Listen, I love you, but.. I-I can’t do this anymore.. I think.. W-We should b-break u-up..” You stuttered, your heart breaking into a million pieces as you spoke the most awful words.

“N-No, Y/N, p-please! N-No! I-I can’t l-lose you.” Tom cried out, tears now falling down his cheeks, but he didn’t even care anymore if anyone saw him.

“I-I’m so sorry..” You whispered, choking back sobs, as you heard Tom letting out his own.

“Y/N, d-don’t do this, p-please..” He continued to plead, only making it worse for the both of you.

“It’s for the best, I love you, goodbye Tom.” You whispered, hanging up before you could hear anymore of his plea’s.

You slowly slid down the stool, leaning back against your counter, letting out strangled sobs, your heart broken into small tiny fragments.

Tom on the other hand was staring at his phone, unable to process what had just happened.

His hands were shaking, tears were streaming down his red cheeks, his hair was a mess from running and tugging on it too many times.

“Hey Tom, we’re ready to shoot the next scene and, -oh, good lord what happened? Are you okay?” The producer asked, seeing Tom’s state wasn’t exactly stable at the current moment.

Tom just stared ahead of him, unable to produce words, all he could think about was you, and how he had let you down, made you feel like you were forgotten, not important to him, when you actually meant the entire world to him.

You were the reason he woke up every morning, the reason he was happy all the time, the reason he was as successful as he was, you were his light, but now you were gone, and now everything was dark.

“Tom, hey man, what’s going on?" Jacob rushed over, after the producer told him how worried they were about his mental state.

"Buddy, it’s me, talk to me.” Jacob pleaded, looking over Tom and internally cringing at how much of a disaster he looked.

“Y-Y/n, she b-broke up with m-me.” Tom stammered out, looking up at his friend, who had a look of shock on his face.

“Dude, I’m so sorry. What happened?” Jacob asked carefully, not wanting Tom to have a emotional breakdown even worse.

“I became distant, without even realizing it, and it broke her.” Tom wiped his face, looking at the table sadly.

“You can win her back buddy, I know it.” Jacob tried to convince him, anything to make him lighten up just the tiniest bit.

“I really blew it Jacob, you should of heard her, she sounded so broken, and a-alone and it’s all m-my fault! I made the only person I loved leave me all because I was too much of an idiot.” Tom spoke furiously, hitting the table, startling Jacob.

“Alright, you know what lets just take a break today, you can chill and do what you need to, and we can figure this all out.” Jacob suggested, as Tom nodded slightly, before Jacob went to the producer, who agreed it was a good idea.

Two days passed and you were a total mess, you refused to leave your apartment, your friends tried calling and texting you, but you just ignored them, wanting to be alone.

You just laid in your bed, the curtains closed, a candle lit on your kitchen counter, making your apartment smell like crisp fall air.

'Cause lately I’ve been craving more,

And it’s been a while, but I still feel the same,

After my blood turns into alcohol,

All I want is the taste that your lips allow.

Without Tom you didn’t know what to do with your life, he was such a huge part of you and now he was missing, a chunk of you was missing and you were lost.

You tried drinking, to numb the pain, but nothing worked, it just made you even more miserable than before.

You needed him.

And he needed you.

The producer had allowed Tom and Jacob to return back home for a few days to figure things out, once he got to his apartment he had expected you to still be there, but once he entered he noticed that none of your belongings were there anymore, and the shirts you once wore were folded on his bed.

In that moment he felt his heart drop, you really had left.

“Dude, where could she be?” Jacob questioned, as they set their belongings in his apartment.

“She returned back to her old one, she used to live there until she moved in with me.” Tom replied, grabbing his keys as they both headed out the door again.

They drove the few hours to your apartment, Tom was a nervous wreck, he wasn’t sure how you’d react to seeing him after all this time.

“Okay buddy, you got this, I’ll wait in the car.” Jacob gave a small smile, along with a thumbs up as Tom got out and walked up to your apartment door, hesitantly knocking.

When you didn’t answer he got nervous, but he saw your car parked in the driveway so he knew you were home.

This made him worry, he quickly fidgeted to find the spare key you had given him, he swiftly unlocked the door, noticing the darkness of the apartment, and the intense smell of alcohol and a fall scented candle.

“Y/N? Y/N where are you?” Tom shouted, before seeing you laying in your bed, staring blankly into space.

“Shit, Y/N.” Tom rushed over, pulling you into his arms tightly, kissing your head.

“T-Tom?” You mumbled out, blinking rapidly before realizing he wasn’t a figment of your imagination, that you weren’t actually hallucinating him.

“Yes, it’s me.” He whispered, now holding your face in his hands gently.

“It’s really you.” You whispered, tears slipping down your face, you couldn’t believe he came to see you.

“It’s really me babe, I’m so so sorry, for everything.” Tom whispered, caressing your cheek gently with his thumb.

“I missed you.” You whimpered, moving your face more into his hand, while placing your hands on his.

“I missed you too darling, I promise that’ll never happen again.” He kissed your forehead, causing you to close your eyes.

“Please, give me another chance.” He pleaded, making you lock eyes with him, before a small smile appeared on your lips as you gave a slight nod.

Tom’s eyes lit up, his heart racing before his lips met yours, the kiss passionate and full of pent up emotions.

“I love you so much, even when you’re an asshole sometimes.” You laughed slightly, your forehead pressed against his.

“I love you too darling, and I know I can be, but that’s why I have someone like you to keep me in place.” He chuckled, kissing your nose before wrapping his arms around you once again.

You both laid there for a bit, catching up, laughing, smiling, kissing, more talking, more kissing.

You knew you always loved this apartment of yours, because no matter what you always felt safe, and now you realized one of those reasons was because of Tom, he made you feel safe, he made you feel at home, because he was your home.

And always would be, no matter what.

You smiled at Tom who was watching you in amusement, before his phone started ringing.

“Hello?” Tom answered, before a smile formed on his face and laughter escaped his lips.

“Yes Jacob, you can come up now.” Tom laughed, making your eyes widen and laugh along with him.

“You didn’t tell me Jacob was here! Jacob I’m coming!” You shouted, sprinting off the bed and running down the hallway.

“But babe, what about me!” Tom shouted after you, a playful grin on his face as he watched you sprint down the hallway.

“Are you kidding? Jacob all the way!” You teased, a playful smile on your face as you tackled Jacob in a hug, making him loose his balance.

“Nooooo! My smoothie!”

[pineapple-qween]

Most-Wanted

Relationship: Jason Todd x Reader

Summary: (Request)  I was hoping I could request this au with Jason. 'I’m on the FBI’s most-wanted list for killing a fuck ton of people, but calm down I just wanna date you bc your face is v smoochable and you give me butterflies.’ And with him being the most wanted one please?

Key: Y/N= your name

Warning: language

“Fuck, fuck, fuck...FUCK!”

Jason tossed himself out his apartment window as fast as he could, grabbing as many weapons as possible. He saw the flashing lights grow closer. “Ah! Motherfuckers!” He slid down the fire escape, jumping the last couple feet. I know I’ve killed a lot of people, but they were assholes. I was doing you bitches a favor, Jason thought angrily.

Jason searched the ally for the trap door he hid his motorcycle in. He began to scavenge frantically, worried the cops would get here soon, until he finally found it. Thanking god, he hopped on as fast as he could, threw his gun bag over his shoulder, and sped away, sirens approaching the building he just escaped from. He quickly glanced over his shoulder, chuckling in relief, and made his way to the Batcave. Hopefully Bruce wouldn’t be home.

Before he made his escape, he made one last check to make sure the police weren’t on his tail, and he caught the eyes of a girl leaning out of her window, her face distorted in confusion. Shit, Jason almost couldn’t turn and take his eyes off of her, but he pulled away. Her face etched into his memory.

You lived in a crappy neighborhood, sirens blaring at all sorts of hours, so when you watched as a fleet of cop cars sped down your street, you just sipped your tea and continued reading your newspaper. You barely glanced at the motorcycle that sped away from the directions the police went. It wasn’t until you read a bit about the FBI’s most-wanted, you did a double take. You leaned over your windowsill, trying to get a better look at the motorcyclist.

From what you could see, it looked like the menace, Red Hood. Red Hood was #5 on the FBI’s most-wanted list and he just drove past your house. He looked at you for what seemed like years until he turned right down the street, fleeting from your vision.

The police came knocking not even five minutes after you lost sight of the criminal. They had gone down the street banging on doors, asking if anyone had seen the Red Hood and where he may have gone. You cracked your door open when they knocked.

“Yes?”

“Ma’am, sorry for the inconvenience, but we are searching from the criminal, Red Hood. He was last spotted in the building next to yours, and seemed to have fled before the police arrived on the scene. Do you have any information,” the cop asked tiredly. He seemed to have given up hope.

“Yes,” you stated blankly. The cop’s face perked up.

“Really? What? What can you give us?”

“I saw him turn left down Santanino road.” He turned right. “I think he might have been on a motorcycle,” he was, “but I can’t remember.” You lied. You didn’t know why you lied, maybe you were scared, but you did and it was too late to try and take it back.

“Thank you ma’am!” He pulled his radio close to his mouth and repeated your statement into it. “You’ve been a huge help.”

“Mhm,” you nodded and shut your door. “Mhm,” you hummed to yourself. You couldn’t figure out exactly what prompted you to falsify fact to the police. This was a man on the FBI’s most-wanted list! What on Earth were you thinking?

“Master Jason, we’ll house you for a little while, until you can find a new safe house.” Alfred set down a plate with a sandwich and some fruit. “Eat up, you’ll want your energy when you explain to Master Bruce what happened.”

“Ain’t that the trust,” Jason snickered. He began stuffing his face with the food and Titus scooted closer to him. “No, Titus. Go beg Damian, this is mine.” The dog gave Jason a sad gaze. “Ugh, alright! Here,” he tossed the giant dog some ham, “Now go!”

“Todd! Don’t feed my dog,” Damian shouted as he sauntered into the room.

“Take better care of your pet,” Jason sneered. Damian stalked over to him and punched his brother. “You did NOT just fucking hit me.” Damian threw him a pointed look.

“That’s it!”

Bruce walked into the family room, after changing, to find Jason and Damian in an all out brawl. Dick and Tim sat to the side watching, enjoying themselves far too much. “What is going on here?,” Bruce’s voice boomed through the room. The boys stopped and Dick and Tim’s smiles were gone in a millisecond. “Jason, what are you doing here?”

“Well, that’s a funny story...”

After Jason finished, Bruce just let out a prolonged sigh of annoyance. He visibly thought carefully about what to say next. “Jason,” he began, “I don’t think you should go one patrol for awhile.” Jason scoffed. “Hear me out. You’ll have a target on your back for, maybe, two weeks, before they let it go and usually move on to the next bad guy on their list.” Bruce grabbed Jason shoulder, “I know it won’t be easy, but it’s the best option. Please. And if you don’t, you won’t be welcomed here.”

Jason considered it. He chose not to fight, this time. “Fine, two weeks, that’s it. Then I’ll be back out here and no longer in your hair,” Jason scoffed. He wasn’t going to go on patrol, that he promised, but he definitely was going to go out to see that girl again. She just...wouldn’t leave his thoughts alone. “Yeah, it’s a deal.” Jason shook Bruce’s hand.

It had been a week and Red Hood was still a hot topic, especially in your neighborhood. Somehow, all those goddamn gossips had found out you gave the police a statement. They wouldn’t leave you alone.

“Y/N, did you see his face?”

“Oo, Y/N, was he big and scary?”

“How’d you know it was him?”

“Literally, piss off. I’ve had a long ass day at work and I just want to go home!” You looked at their offended faces and grimaced. “Please,” you plead softly.

The women scoffed. “Whatever, we will talk to you later,” one of them pouted and they all flounced off.

You slipped into your home, avoiding any and all people you could. You just wanted to enter your home, change, eat, then fall asleep. That last one might be a little outlandish, but one could hope. You hadn’t been sleeping well due to Red Hood. He clouded your dreams, and it always shook you out of sleep. It was that helmet of his that gave you the nightmares. In your dreams, you felt like you were just out of reach of this terrifying, blank face that was the color of your blood. You were only a stray bullet away or a single hand’s reach out of harms way.

You changed into your pajamas and started to make mac and cheese. You had turned on the news to fill the silence while you cooked. You only caught bits and pieces of what the news-anchors were saying,

“Red Hood is still at large-”

“Last spotted in-”

“Citizens are urged to remain calm-”

“Bullshit,” you muttered. You wiped your hands on a towel and strode over to change the channel. You glanced out the window when you turned back to your mac and cheese, and a figure was on the roof across the way. You did a double take, blaming your lack of sleep for giving you visions, but your original thought was correct. A person was stood in the darkness on the roof next to yours, and, from what you could tell, they were staring into your home.

“Fuck me...”

When Bruce and his little patrol gang left for the night, Jason changed into his Red Hood suit. He snuck down the staircase and made a break for the garage, where his motorcycle was on lock down.

“Master Jason, I believe you aren’t supposed to be going on patrol for another week.” Alfred caught him red handed.

Jason groaned and turned to the butler. “I’m not going on patrol,” he exclaimed.

“Your outfit would beg to differ.” Alfred raised his eyebrows at the boy.

“I’m not going on patrol,” he stressed, “I’m just going out to check on someone.” Alfred looked at him, giving him his Really? look. “Really! Look, no guns! Please Alfie, it won’t be long.”

“I didn’t know you left.”

“Thanks,” Jason beamed before slipping on his helmet.

Jason had perched himself on a building across from the window that he found you staring at him. He watched and waited for a couple hours before he saw you walk in. His gaze never left your form, except for when you disappeared into what he assumed to be your bedroom. Jason stared at your face for as long as he could, memorizing the details. Every part of you was just...perfect. His stomach just fluttered at the thought of his lips on yours.

“What is she doing to me?” He leaned further over the edge of the roof. His heart ached with just the need to be near you. “God, help me.”

He watched as you walked closer to the window. Jason got the best view of you that entire night when you stared back at him. “Damn.” He couldn’t stop himself, he didn’t know what he was doing anymore. You just had such a powerful grip on him and you didn’t even know.

Jason grappled to the fire escape next to your window. He slipped through the open window. He walked closer to you excitedly, then he noticed your face. You were frozen in complete and utter terror.

“Are-are you okay? Miss,” Jason tried to set a gentle hand on your arm, but you flinched away causing him to snatch his hand back. “Is something wrong?”

“R-re-red Ho-hood,” you stuttered. You began to shake violently. Your worst nightmares were coming true. Red Hood has come to kill you. You started to panic, a mix of fear and exhaustion. You stumbled backwards, falling in an attempt to flee.

“Hey, hey! What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Kill. You kill. You are here to kill me,” you somehow managed to say. You scooted on your butt towards your front door.

“Wha-no! No, I’m not here to kill you!” Jason watched as you halted and your face contorted in shock. “I-I’m here to, to uh,” he felt his face heat up under his helmet. “Well, you’re really cute and you seem very kissable and I wanna date you,” he rushed out, the butterflies in his stomach felt like a storm. He took off his helmet to cool down. His sapphire eyes burned into yours, for he had forgotten to put on his domino mask.

You were lost in the sea of blue, your mind couldn’t form a coherent thought. “Bu-but you’ve killed so many people,” this was the best argument you could come up with. You weren’t sure how to feel, but the man looking down at you wasn’t a vicious, cold-blooded killer.

“Yeah,” Jason chuckled, “but I think that can change.” He looked at you hopefully, his hand reaching out to help you up.

You stared at the man for a long time before you felt as though you could make a decision. And even then, 

“I don’t know.”

Author’s Note: This is for you @natasha-baggins, you sultry son of a bitch. (I’m sorry if that offended you, it just felt right)

[aghostpost]

hey i love your blog!! um can i request a jughead x reader where the reader is self harming and jughead finds out and he gets angry bc he doesnt understand why she would do that to herself?? and she runs off and he finds her later and he comforts her and all that fluff. i understand if its a bit too much of a heavy topic to write but if you do thank you in advance :)

Quiet. This was everything I needed and wanted right now. Just… silence.

I went to my secret happy place, the only place I knew for sure I could be alone. Hardly anyone came to this part of Sweetwater River because it was where Jason Blossom’s body was found, which meant it was the perfect place to go when I didn’t wanna be bothered. I sat at the edge of the river bank, knees folded to my chest and resting my head on them.

Of everyone I knew, I expected Jughead to understand…

“Y/N…”

My parents were gone at work this Saturday morning so I invited Jughead over. I made breakfast for us before we went up to my room to watch TV, then things got hot and heavy. I was too busy making out with him to remember that I had something to hide. He pulled my shorts off and the moment his hands touched the tops of my thighs it all came to me, but it was too late. I hurriedly pulled my t-shirt down over the tops of my thighs, trying to hide the faded scars, scars that I’d put on my own body. “Stop,” I whispered.

“Are you… What happened?”

“Nothing, just leave it-”

“-That doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Jug.”

“You… You do this to yourself?”

“I said it’s nothing, okay-”

“W-Why? Why would you do this to yourself, Y/N? I don’t get it-”

“-That’s right you don’t, so just drop it! Please!”

“What, you want me to just magically unsee those cuts? Jes- What’s wrong with you?” We stared at each other in silence before I rushed to pull my shorts on. What’s wrong with me? I’ve been asking myself that for what seeed like ages, but it didn’t seem to sting nearly as badly as when the words came from Jughead’s mouth. And the look on his face…

He looked… disgusted.

My face burned and my eyes threatened to spill if I stay with him any longer, so I left. “Y/N, we have to talk about this! You can’t just storm out!” he called behind me as I ran downstairs to leave.

“I’m not staying here just for you to judge me, Jughead!”

“I’m not, I’m just shocked! I don’t know what could possibly be going through your head that lets you drag something sharp across your skin and be okay with it, so help me understand!”

And now here I was. Alone, not explaining anything to anyone. Moments like this my thighs tingled, the scars burning reminders of what I do when I feel upset. I decided to try a couple deep breaths at Sweetwater this time around to calm myself down instead. The truth was I couldn’t explain it to Jug because I couldn’t even explain it to myself. I don’t remember the first time I did this, what caused it, why I resorted to this as a release. But none of that mattered now. It was funny to me; this would normally be a circumstance that drove me to self harm, but having Jug be mad at me about this was what made me want to find other means of stress relief.

This was a good start. Sun on my skin, listening to the river stream, being in the wide open space nature provided. I felt like I could breathe out here and wasn’t being choked and suffocated. I wasn’t being judged, didn’t have to worry about covering up anything about myself. I kicked off my sandals and let the blades of grass tickle my feet. Looking at my watch, since I left my cell at home, I saw that my parents would be home by now. I allowed myself another fifteen minutes so I didn’t send them into a worry; knowing my mom, if I was gone any longer she’d have Sheriff Keller sending the dogs for me.

I enjoyed the walk home and the company of a beautiful sunset. The sky turned pastel, like a melted rainbow sherbet, the colors all blended together. I passed a few houses of families sitting around getting ready for dinner. Another guy jogged past me with his dog on a leash keeping up behind him. When I got to my house a looked up from the sidewalk and Jug was sitting on my porch. I grit my teeth and felt that familiar frog in my throat, only this time I didn’t know if I was going to cry from sadness, anger, embarrassment, or some gross mix of the three.

“You’re still here?���

He shrugged. “I shouldn’t have even let you leave. I was giving you time to yourself before I started my own search party.”

“I just… I needed a moment. Needed to think, to…”

“Breathe?”

I nodded. “Yes. Exactly.” I walked up the stairs and took a seat next to him on the cushioned bench. “Knowing you, everything you’ve been through with your family… I didn’t expect you to react the way you did.”

“Honestly, I didn’t know how to react, but after you left I knew that coulda been handled a lot more… delicately. I just- I was shocked, Y/N. I never imagined you would be doing this to yourself.”

I sighed. “I could spend time trying to explain to you, but I know you won’t get it. It’s gonna be ugly to you no matter what, and I get that. It’s not like I enjoy doing this, I just… It happens! I get so upset and I bottle up so much that sometimes I explode, and when I feel that physical pain, it distracts me from what I’m feeling mentally and emotionally.”

“But the scars-”

“-They fade. By the time they do so will whatever hurt feelings I was harboring towards what put them there in the first place.”

He swallowed and nodded, finally absorbing what was going through my mind. “Have I ever… said or done anything to… you know, make you-”

“-Oh, God no!” I grabbed his hands and turned to him. “This is a lifetime of pent up crap that I’m working on managing, but I promise you it has nothing to do with you. Hell, you’re the only good I’ve got going in my life, Jug.”

He smiled to himself, gently squeezing my hands and bringing them to his lips. “I’m sorry I snapped earlier.”

“I know, it’s not something people are quick to understand.”

“Not even that,” he said with a head shake. “I just… The thought of you hurting yourself, marking up your body?” I noticed his jaw clench; I rubbed the backs of his hands to calm him down.

“I’m okay, Juggie. Really. The last time I did that was what, two months ago? I used to not even make it through the week without hurting myself. Trust me when I say I’m working on it.”

“Fine. But you have to promise me one thing?”

“Sure.”

“If you ever feel like you’re gonna do… that again, talk to me first. Whatever time, wherever I am, find me and talk to me. Okay?”

I nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “I think I can manage that.”

I took his hands from my grasp to hold my face, making me look directly at him. “And don’t ever run off on me like that again,” was all he spoke before placing the sweetest, most caring and delicate kiss to my lips. A kiss that actually made me want to stick around, to do better for myself but also for him. I felt my cheeks flush at the idea of keeping him in my life, at a future of more kisses like this.

“I promise.”

[metazensae]

eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy putting a cut in this so you guys don’t have to read my weepy self-pity bullshit

DISCLAIMER: This post is about my lonely tenancies and struggles with friendship. I believe people growing apart is a natural thing that happens for various reasons and that no one should shoulder any blame for it. Furthermore, my purpose for posting this here is not for anyone to feel bad on my account, and thus, I’ve been teetering on whether to post this or not. However, I ultimately decided I needed to do this bc writing my thoughts out helps me process my grievances and move on.

I’ve pretty much been a loner my whole life. I’ve had friends sure, but no one was close. None of my peer friendships ever felt real to me, like I couldn’t trust “friendship” as a real thing, like people were simply tolerating my existence or saying nice things about me because it was the polite thing to do. I have a pretty screwed up sense of basic trust just in general, so it’s really hard for me to be vulnerable around other people - made worse from the advice my family gave me. My personal favorite was, “Tell not your secrets to your friends, because when your friends become your foes, your secrets get exposed.” <---- great for making me, someone who already has a defunct sense of basic trust, distrust others even more.

That said, it’s not like I’m not sociable. I’ve just always been a satellite of multiple groups, usually centered around something I was interested in. The band group, the anime/gaming group, the smart group, the “same class” group. Always a satellite, always moving between them. I didn’t like people telling me how I should or shouldn’t behave, so if they tried - if they tried to force me into anything I wasn’t already interested in, I moved on. But that also meant I had no one close to me. I was too preoccupied with preserving myself as I was and leaving before they could leave me.

It was fine because I had “real friends” at home - my sister and cousin. But when I hit my high school years, my sister got married and moved away, and my cousin got a boyfriend and dropped out of existence. I was truly alone for the first time.

That’s when depression took some very deep holds inside of me, and I still struggle daily with a very fragile state of mental health.

The internet is where I would go when I had no where else. I’ve had pretty much every type of blog and journal site over the years, keeping separate accounts for “public Izzy” and “depression Izzy (or.. Zensae, as my emo alter-ego was named). At any rate, tumblr has been pretty consistent for me since 2009. Previously, mine was filled with irl friends, but when my irl friends phased tumblr out of their daily routines, it became harder and harder to use. I kept it going tho because I liked the format, I liked the visual nature of the posts. I liked how it could post so many different types of media (vs Myspace and Facebook and twitter was just text tweets back then). I liked the anonymity too.

Today, I live pretty far from all irl friends and family. I only have my husband and cats and a few colleagues (who do not share my interests beyond our professional careers). In effect, aside from my husband and cats, I am friendless in a city where it is difficult to meet other people at all.

But last year, I found a community of artists on tumblr, and for the first time I felt like I had real friends who were supportive and shared my interests. These amazing people pulled me out of my decade of deep depression and I grew a TON as a creator just by association with their passion and skills. It was pretty much a golden year for me in that regards, but all things inevitably change. Life takes us down different paths, and I’m finding myself incredibly alone again.

But AH-HAH! We live in the age of connectedness - we don’t necessarily have to lose contact because there are so many other ways, right? Yes. There are. And I’ve tried them, but all of the other sites fill me with such negative emotions that I break down. I’m overwhelmed by my knowledge of  what everyone else is doing and saying. I find myself dwelling on every complaint, on every negative news story, on every comment left by every rando, on every interaction of my friends in which I am not included, where I’m very much just a lurker, a ghost, a memory - forgotten entirely.

And I become so overwhelmed. The world surely spins without me. Would anyone care if I am in it or not? 

A series of thoughts emerge from the ether as I imagine my friends existing happily in a world without me, and I, standing on the other side of a glass wall, reflect upon the reasons for my solitude.

Am I not included because I’m unlikable? Because I’m not a good enough friend? Because my negativity drove them away? Or... is it because we were never really friends? Because everything is infinitely more interesting than me? No... maybe because I’m a burden? Ah... no, it’s because they were just being nice all those times, because because because because because....

There are 12 million reasons. Maybe all of them are true. Maybe none of them. But all of them hurt, and I can’t shut any of them out.

I expressed this to my husband, how I feel like my friends and I are drifting apart, and that I have no idea what to do about it because reaching out in other ways is increasing my level of sads. He noticed this as well and even pushed the wrinkles in my forehead as I tried to use twitter this afternoon.

He told me about his relationships with other online gamers, and how he went through a similar thing several times as people quit playing the particular games, but the bottom line is this: we make online friends so easily, and we lose them easily too - when our interests change, when something new enters our lives, when the stresses of daily life take precedence. It’s normal.

But knowing that doesn’t fill this gaping hole in my heart. There’s so much that I owe to you all - from the grace and care you’ve shown me as I navigated all the curveballs life has thrown me lately, and also with helping me maintain my motivation levels to keep making FoB. And also, in everything I learned from you and with you as I grew as a person and an artist. I am immensely grateful for my friendship with all of you.

But idk...

Everything seems so fragile and in limbo?

I don’t want to force anyone to come on this site if they don’t want to? I don’t want to force anyone stay the same? Finally, I don’t want to beg anyone for attention or validation at all!

But it feels like I’m doing all of these lately, and it’s not ok. In this case, I just need to withdraw and reexamine myself.

I just want you guys to do you and keep excelling. If that means it takes you away from me, then...

I guess our paths were meant to diverge.

But you can bet I’ll still be cheering from the sidelines... just maybe a bit farther away than I anticipated.

[digging-daveed]

This One’s Mine

Request: There were waaayyy too many requests due to the whole daveed versus anthony thing to copy and paste here lol but yeah here’s part three!

Summary: Anthony and Reader talk things over, and Daveed discovers something new.

Warnings: somebody gets their heartbroken lol, mentions of Rafa and his song Guillotine bc i’m absolute rafa trash, like a lil language, angst?

A/N: I’ll try to make this gender neutral one day but today is not that day, apologies 

Word Count: 2522

Part One - Part Two

It’s been a week since you had last spoken to Anthony in person, and you didn’t dare visit the theatre after learning he had developed feelings for you. Daveed, as well as several of the cast members, wondered why you had suddenly stopped visiting. You had gotten texts from Lin, Oak, Renee and especially Anthony, but you gave short answers or ignored them all together. Whenever you met up with Daveed, he’d relay messages to you from the cast and try to get you to go back to see them, just as he was doing now as you two stood in his kitchen.

“No, Daveed,” you told him for what seemed liked the millionth time that day. 

“Come on Y/N!” your boyfriend insisted, “Everyone misses you like crazy.”

You continued cutting vegetables that you were going  to add into the stir fry you were preparing for and Daveed, muttering, “That’s nice.”

Daveed sighed and just watched a moment. He asked you, “What’d I miss?”

“Oh, are you singing now?” you joked, chopping up carrots. 

“No, babe, seriously,” he said, taking the knife from you and placing it down on the counter. He turned you around, enclosing you by putting an arm on the counter on both sides of you, and said, “I must have missed something. You got along so well with everyone and had a blast every night, it’s hard for me to believe you just stopped visiting for no reason.”

“It’s nothing,” you told him, your head facing the ground as you attempted to brush the subject off. 

“Sure doesn’t seem like nothing,” Daveed said. He placed a hand on your chin and gently moved your head upwards to face him. He reassured you, “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know,” you answered, nodding your head. The moment was cut short as your heard Daveed’s phone begin to ring. You give him a quick kiss before he answered his phone, freeing you from the small space he kept you in. 

“Hello?” he picked up as you resorted back to preparing dinner. “Oh, that’s your jacket?….I was just gonna bring it to theatre tomorrow, but you can swing  by if you want…Yeah man, it’s cool. See you in ten.. Bye.”

“Who was that?” you curiously asked, throwing the vegetables into the pan and mixing them in.

Daveed informed you, “The guys were over earlier and Ant left his jacket here, he’s stopping by to get it.”

His words made your heart drop, but you remained unfazed on the outside. You questioned, your voice betraying you as it came out a tad shaky, “Anthony’s coming here?”

“Yeah, is that alright?” Daveed asked, noticing the state of your voice.

You nodded your head and told him, “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” 

“I don’t know, you tell me,” he asked you, wrapping his arms around you from behind as you finished up cooking.

“Everything is perfectly fine,” you reassured him as you turned the heat down on the stove top. You turned around and placed your arms around his neck as his arms found their way to your waist. Daveed skeptically raised an eyebrow at your words, so you added, “I promise.”

Ten minutes later, you had began to plate the food while Daveed was on call helping Rafael with some lyrics he was on the cusp of and desperate to figure out. You had finish making Daveed’s plate, and were about to start on your own, when there was a knock on the door. Your eyes glanced over to Daveed who was still in mid conversation with his best friend. He mouthed to you, “Can you get that?”

You involuntarily gulped and nodded your head before making your way to his front door. You placed a hand on the door knob, took a deep breath, and answered the door. Anthony stood on the other side, and appeared beyond surprised to see you in the doorway. He softly said, “Y/N.. uh, hi.”

“Hey,” you said, your voice as soft as his. 

“I uh, just came to get my jacket..” Anthony awkwardly trailed off.

“Right,” you said, coming to your senses and opening the door to allow him inside. He walked into the front room and spotted his jacket slung across the arm of a couch, quickly striding across the room to retrieve it. 

Just as Anthony picked up his jacket and opened his mouth to speak, Daveed ended his phone call and emerged from the kitchen. He said, “Yooo! Leaving so soon? You can hang around for dinner if you want, Y/N’s made more than enough for us.”

Your mind went into frenzy at your boyfriend’s invitation. You were ready to vigorously shake your head at Anthony, but stopped short when you saw the pleading look on Daveed’s face. You knew he wanted you to get along with the cast the way you did before, and you couldn’t help but feel the need to due to the look on his face. Letting out an inaudible sigh, you gave a nod of approval to Anthony, much to his surprise. Ant said, “Yeah man, I could stick around.”

“Great!” Daveed exclaimed, nearly beaming. He walked back into the kitchen, and Anthony gave you a slight smile before following Daveed. You took a deep breath before shutting the front door and entering the kitchen as well.

Upon entering, you saw Daveed making a plate for you and Anthony. In the space to the left, you saw Anthony getting situated at the dining room. You opted to get drinks for everyone, pulling out cups from one of Daveed’s cabinets and filling them up with water. Daveed placed everyone’s food on the table, you following behind and placing the waters on the table. You both took a seat, Daveed sitting next to you and Anthony sitting directly in front of you. 

Lucky for you, Daveed made sure to initiate any conversation that happened over the dinner table. You had survived nearly ten minutes of the meal, when Daveed’s phone began going off. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and you caught a glimpse of the caller ID: Rafa. Daveed turned to you and Anthony and asked, “Do you mind? He’s been stressing over this song all day.”

Anthony shook his head and you hesitantly shook yours as well, knowing Rafa wouldn’t rest until he got the song right. Daveed excused himself from the table, leaving you and Anthony alone in the dining room. The freckled man spoke, “Look, Y/N–”

“Anthony–”

“Let me talk, okay?” He asked. After being met with silence from you, he continued, “Your absence at the theatre hasn’t gone unnoticed. We all miss you like crazy and I’m sorry I drove you away.”

“You didn’t drive me awa–”

“Can you honestly say I’m not the reason you stopped coming around?” Anthony asked. When he was met with silence once again, he said, “That’s what I thought.. Y/N, I never wanted to make you uncomfortable, okay? Can’t we just forget about this?”

You asked, “How? Do you realize how hard it is to forget something like this? It could be ten years later and I could be happily married, but still think of the time you had a crush on me whenever I see you.”

“Happily married to.. Daveed?” he quietly asked you.

“I-I don’t know. We’ve only been dating a few months and.. and that’s completely besides the point,” you said, getting beyond flustered.

“Have you told him?” Anthony inquired.

“No,” you sighed, “It’s not exactly something to bring up in conversation. Besides, he’d get crazy jealous anyways.”

Ant posed, “Daveed’s the jealous type?”

“Uh, yeah,” you stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. You recalled, “Don’t you remember how he acted the first time we met?”

“That was because of me?” He incredulously asked.

You scoffed, “Yeah, what’d you think it was?”

“I don’t know, just thought he was having a bad day or something,” Anthony replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Shaking your head, your responded, “No, his behavior was a result of one of his best friends having absolutely no filter.”

“I had a filter!” he said in defense.

You gaped at him, “You flirted with me when Daveed was sitting right next to me!”

“Hey! Last I checked, I still left you speechless,” Anthony remembered with a cocky grin.

“Yes, because I couldn’t believe you’d hit on someone who’s already spoken for,” you retaliated.

Anthony laughed a little and said, “Just checking to see where your loyalty stood.”

“Oh, I’m so sure,” you sarcastically remarked, laughing a bit yourself.

“Honestly though,” Anthony said after settling down, “If you weren’t with Daveed.. would you have given me a shot?”

“Honestly?“ you repeated, mostly to yourself as you mulled over the question. “I–

”Alright, Rafa’s lyrics are officially written. That should be the last we hear of him for the night,” Daveed said as he reentered the room and sat back down beside you. “What are we talking about?”

Your eyes darted to Anthony, and he was quick to respond, “I was telling Y/N how great the food is.”

“Isn’t it?” Daveed said, proceeding to shovel another bite into his mouth.

“Delicious,” Anthony commented, though from the direct eye contact you could tell he wasn’t referring to your cooking. 

You cleared your throat, sending a stern glance at Anthony that indirectly told him to knock it off. You then asked Daveed, “What’s his new song about?”

"Well,” your boyfriend mumbled through a mouthful of stir fry. He swallowed the food, then proceeded, “It originally started with this line Rafa had, he had a melody and everything, but somehow it ended being up about guillotines.”

The three of you shared a laugh before you asked, “What was the line?”

“You’re out with other fellas, and yes I’m getting jealous,” Daveed recited for you and Anthony. Hearing the line sent a wave a guilt over you, despite never had actually done anything with Anthony. Occasionally flirting back was enough to weigh your conscience down, and you only hoped you didn’t show this on your face.

“And how did it end up dealing with guillotines?” Anthony asked with a slight chuckle, noticing your discomfort.

“It was a long process,” Daveed replied, laughing it off too. He then directed his attention to you, seeing your expression as well, “You alright babe?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” you calmly responded. You stood from your seat and announced, “Excuse me, I’ve got to use the restroom.”

“Okay,” Daveed said, sending a sympathetic look your way. You exited the room and made way to the bathroom. Upon entering, you shut the door behind you and leaned against the counter. You inhaled a deep breath in attempt to keep your mind from racing and as you exhaled there was a knock on the door. After a brief moment you opened the door, expecting your boyfriend to be standing on the other side.

“What are you doing here?” you asked Anthony in surprise when seeing he was the one on the other side.

“I told D I had to take a call,” he told you, allowing himself into the small room and closing the door once again. He even dared to lock it, then placed his hands on your shoulders and said, “Look, are you alright?”

You attempted to brush his hands away from you as you insisted, “I’m fine.”

“I know you’re not,” Anthony sincerely said, keeping a firm grasp on you. He continued, “Y/N, it’s okay. There’s no reason for you to feel guilty, you haven’t done a single thing wrong.”

“Then why do I still feel awful?” You asked.

“Because just the thought of being unfaithful is upsetting to you,” Anthony earnestly told you. He cupped your face with his hand and softly said, “Believe me when I say that you haven’t done a single thing to make Diggs question your loyalty.”

“This right now doesn’t feel all that loyal,” you honestly said in reference to the position you and Anthony currently stood in such closed corners.

“It’d only be disloyal if we were to...” Anthony said, trailing off as he ever so slowly leaned in closer to you. Your mind went into a state of panic as you became aware of what was happening and your heart started beating in double time. Before you could even act, there were a few simple knocks on the bathroom door and the sound of your boyfriend’s stern voice could be heard:

“Ramos, I’m gonna give you about three seconds to step out of that bathroom with my girl.”

You let out a sigh of relief as Anthony hesitantly stepped back and cautiously opened the door. Daveed stood on the other side, arms crossed with a scowl resting upon his face. He stared Anthony down as he said, “Living room. Now.”

Daveed took a step a back to free up the doorway, allowing Anthony to walk past him and towards the living room. You trailed behind Anthony, avoiding eye contact at all means as you walked past Daveed. He followed behind you, and when the three of you stood in his living room, he asked, “Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here? I go to check on my girlfriend, only to hear whispered murmurs from both of you on the other side of the door?”

“Diggs--” Anthony started, only to be cut off by Daveed.

“Especially after you told me I had nothing to worry about,” he said, directing all his attention right at you. You felt as though tears could spring at any minute as Daveed spoke, “What happened to no stress, my love for you is never in doubt, huh?”

“It’s not her fault alright?” Anthony intervened. He defended you as he talked, “Y/N found out I had feelings for her about a week ago, she hasn’t done anything to ruin your relationship with you.. I promise.”

As you took in the despair in Anthony’s tone, Daveed began piecing things together, “A week.. That’s why you stopped coming to theatre?”

Not trusting your voice, you simply nodded in response to his question. Daveed let a large sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. He directed his next question to Anthony, “So.. you have feelings for Y/N?” 

“Yeah,” Anthony breathed out, the sadness in his tone still evident as he continued, “but rest assured, Y/N has feelings for no one but you.”

“Really?” Daveed asked, turning back to you for confirmation.

You gave the smallest of smiles and concurred, “Really.”

Daveed gave a slight smile as well before Anthony interrupted the moment and suggested, “I should probably go.”

“Yeah,” Daveed agreed, you nodding your head as well. 

Anthony stalked towards the door and said to the two of you, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you faintly said.

Daveed added on, opening the door as he did, “It’s alright. Just keep in mind yo, this one’s mine.”

Anthony shook his head at the reference before making his exit, allowing you to release a breath you weren’t even aware that you were holding. Daveed shut the front door, and stepped closer to you. He said, “We’re okay, right?”

“Better than okay,” you said, stepping closer to him as well and meeting him in the middle. The two of you automatically wrapped your arms around the other in a strong embrace.

Daveed looked down at you and asked, “No stress, right?”

“No stress at all,” you responded, knowing that you two could only go up from here.

[weedeyedhoney]

a post about my crush. i need to let my feelings out somewhere.

i hung out with my crush two nights ago and not to sound like a 2010 taylor swift song, but it was a fairytale. but like, my kind of fairytale. i can’t even explain to you how relaxed i felt the whole time i was with him. when i like someone, just being around them makes me feel at ease. there’s no awkward silences, or uncomfortable body language. that’s how i usually determine who i want to be around, and who i’d rather stay away from. he doesn’t make me feel weird around him, and i don’t overthink. i’m literally..... just..... living in the moment. there. is. no. other. place. i’d. rather. be. i love that feeling. i love carrying alone with a clear mind and carefree attitude. i love not worrying about the next move, and enjoying what’s right in front of me. that’s how he makes me feel!!!!! two days later, and i still don’t want the night to end. i can’t wait until i see him again.

he’s so funny. his humor is cute. and dorky. and i kid you not, i was probably wearing this goofy ass smile the whole time. i remember being so nervous about meeting up with him. i mean, i went alone. i didn’t want him to think “wow this bitxh really has no friends.” i was worried that i’d get there and he’d already be gone. it was supposed to be a casual meet up, i mean WE’RE FRIENDS, but the virgo in me always has to overthink the worst case scenario. but i arrived at the bar, with the big upstairs room that looks over the horrendous view of dirty 6th. it’s funny how we lose our minds in such a dreadful place. it’s even funnier how that doesn’t bother me at all as long as he’s around. the bar wasn’t as crowded as a saturday night. the room was kinda empty, and the floor seemed like it stretched for miles. i walked starting at the ground, and glanced up every few seconds trying to spot him. in the midst of getting caught up in my own thoughts, i notice two feet planted right in front of me. i look up and see him...... my crush!!! it was like a movie. deadass. it was like we were the only two people in the room. he gives me a hug, and looks happy to see me. every negative thought in my mind vanishes. “hey there you are” he says. “we’re actually about to leave, but come on, you can hang with us.” bet. i’m up for it, i’m up for anything. we find his friend, his best friend, and we head out. we go to his bar across the street. his friend, who is a dj, finds interest in the dj playing that night and goes up to talk to him, leaving my crush and i alone. just like any other modern day romance, he buys me a beer and we stare at each other awkwardly (but like, cute awkward) and small talk until we get bored of the place and leave. the three of us continue to bar hop around. the whole time my crush was being the life of the party (cancer nodded). we people watched from the upstairs at this one club, and started throwing straws at people becuase we’re immature, but geez. i was laughing the whole time. everything felt lighthearted. he’s so..... cool.

then shit started to get rocky. we arrived at what would be the last bar of the night. as soon as we arrived, his friend decides to leave. i panic. this would mean my crush and i would be alone!!!!!!! fuck. his friend leaves and we sit there on this picnic table until i break the silence by saying “we should take a shot! your birthday shot!” he agrees, but also, a little distracted. “i think i’m going to talk to her.” i turn around and see this white girl sititng at the end of the table. “oh....” i start, “uhhh well okay” i stand there, a little awkward. i’m really sure what to do. i’m not about to get a shot for someone who is just going to leave me there alone. he turns around to smile at the girl, and she gives him this awkward smile back. i see her make eye contact to this guy in line buying drinks. ah ha! this girl’s already taken. do i tell my crush? well, i try, but he chooses to be a guy and not listen. hm. “i think i’m gonna go to the bathroom first.” i tell him. then i leave and let him realize on his own.

while in the bathroom, i begin to reevaluate this whole situation. 1. i know that i like him. 2. but he thinks we’re just here as friends. 3. jealously in an ugly look on me. 4. if what i think is true then that girl is out there with that other guy and he’s sititng alone by himself. i pull up my boss ass bitxh pants (even tho i was wearing a dress), and go back out there. listen. im a virgo. a mutuable sign. whatever fate decided for me, i was just going to have to deal with it. i walk back out and sure enough, he standing alone that THAT GIRL IS WITH THAT GUY!!! i let out a sigh. i knew it. i either had two options. 1. to walk back to him and act petty, distant, and uninterested bc what the fuck. or 2. pretend nothing happened and i wasn’t bothered, and be his friend. i chose the latter. i went up to the bar, made sure he didn’t see me, and asked the bartender to order me two of the sweetest shots. i knew my crush wasn’t a big fan of straight shots, which is why it would be a good idea to give him something sweet, that would drown out the taste. i got the shots, paid, and literally danced my way back to him. nelly’s “hot in here” was blasting on the speakers. he turned around to see me, and fuck, got this big smile on his face. “here you go!!! i got the two most sweetest shots!! they should be good.” i don’t know what came over me, but after that incident, i started being more talkative and open and less shy. it was a great idea on my part. earlier in the night he mentioned how he wanted to get high, so i asked him, “how long do you want to stay here?” and he responded, “i’m ready to leave when you are.” and i said “let’s go get high!!” and we ran off. from then on the vibe was different. i have it separated into two parts: before the white girl, and after the white girl. it was as if the beginning of the night was the opening act, not really sure how the night would go so we were both playing it safe. but after we left the last bar, everything felt more personal. we were actually having real conversations and joking like we hung out everyday. it reminded me of the first night we met. everything was so fast paced, but time was still going slow enough for us to wallow in every second. there was this rush!!! this burning energy that wasn’t going out anytime soon. there was literally not a dull moment. out energies bounced off each other, quick. and there was passion. i swear.

we arrived to his car that was parked at his best friend’s place. we got in his car and he quickly realized that the weed was left in his friends place. we waited for his friend to get home and went inside to get the highest of highs!!!!! “this is my friend _____’s place. as you can see..... i don’t bring just any random girl up here. consider yourself lucky ;)” asjsljsl!!!! i want to pull all my hair out. we sit down and this bitxh pulls out the weed and off we go. i notice that he has a cancer lighter..... ummmm my kink??? he points over to his friend’s dj set and his friend begins free styling while my crush and i start falling in love *ahem* i mean, talking in the background. i feel like this was one of the most crucial nights of the night. i’m kind of glad we weren’t alone because being around him and his friend, in a setting where he’s probably very comfortable, caused me to get to know a side of him i hadn’t seen before. he’s very talkative, very smart, and very opinionated, but not in a rude way (cancer nodded, again). i think what attracts me the most to him is that he seems pretty normal, like, real. he doesn’t try to be anybody that he’s not. what you see is really what you get and i like what i see. we started talking about school. he asked me what my major was, 4 months after knowing me. how hot is that?? my worst question ever is “what is your major?” i told him i didn’t know. instead of saying “well what do you like to do?” (which is my second worst question), or making me feel like a dumbfuck for not knowing, he said “hmm. well you’re really good at reading people. i can tell. and you also seem like you’re really good at talking to people too. maybe a therapist? i don’t know. i’m not telling you that that’s what you should be, but it’s always an option. i nod in agreement , and he continues, “but you’re smart, and i know you’ll figure it out.” what a perfect answer. what a perfect response. i proceed to ask him about his school life, and he gets a little stiff. kind of the way i do when people ask me. “uhhh well, i was supposed to graduate next semester, but i don’t think that’s going to happen. i have a lot of stuff going on, and i might have to be a part time student.” but that’s okay. you finished when you finish. i reassure him and then he reassures the both of us, and the next topic of the conversations appears.

i don’t know. i like him because he’s not put together, and i see a lot of that in myself. i love whenever i see my own reflection in somebody else because it’s easier to resonate and empathize and it always makes me feel more comfortable. it’s an indicator that i’m about to let my walls down, no control. we went to mcdonald’s after we got high as a kite. he drove. his friend sat in the back seat. i sat in the passenger. the windows were rolled down. i felt so chill, and i cannot reiterate how comfortable i felt the whole entire time. he started asking me questions about my best friend, noting that our friendship was “so cute.” he continues to make dumb jokes. ugh god, he’s so funny. he pays for everybody’s meal (ugh cancer nodded, once again) and then drops me off. by that time it was 4 am.

im not worried or stressed about this crush anymore. i think tuesday gave me a lot more confidence than before. i think my next move is to continue hanging out with him and being friendly. i don’t want to rush something that i really want.