#last friday i spent 7 HOURS waiting for my turn :))

[thewulf]

So Clueless || Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Request - I do want to add to your plate if you don't mind 😬 can I request a hotch x younger!reader fic where it's years after WITSEC and his retirement and he's remarried to someone younger he met at his new, normal person job... Read Rest Here

A/N: I'm back!! Loved writing this one so much! Hope you guys enjoy :)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Word Count: 3.8k+

You never planned to change your last name if you ever got married. You came through on that plan after falling in love and marrying Aaron Hotchner. He, in his early fifties, and you, a little younger than that, fell in love quickly after meeting at work when he started there almost ten years prior. You were a zookeeper and Aaron was your area manager, the rest was quite literally history.

The two of you hid the secret relationship until he was moved elsewhere in the zoo finally allowing you to come out with it. Dating turned to an engagement turned to marriage. You became Jack’s, now 17, stepmom and brought in his younger brother, Riley who just turned 9, and sister, Madison who was 7, not too long after the two of you tied the knot. Weeks turned to months turned to years and you loved your life, you really did. But the kids were getting older, and you needed a bit of a challenge. Aaron joked about you joining the FBI and the idea stuck. You weren’t a profiler, no, but you would make a damn good communications liaison. You’d basically become that for the zoo you were working at anyway. Your position of zookeeper gradually shifted to communications lead throughout the park.

Your plan was put on hold until one fateful afternoon when you saw the elusive job posting come through to your inbox. You just kept rereading the job posting before making sure your resume was up to date. You wanted to apply but decided to wait for Aaron to make sure it looked as good as possible. He worked there for years, he had to have some tricks up his sleeve.

It wasn’t a few hours later that all three of your children and Aaron came bounding through the front door off to do whatever they had planned. You’d always offered to pick the kids up from their various sports practices after work, but Aaron often refused, he wanted to spend the time with them. You could only imagine how guilty he felt about missing out on Jacks start of life. He refused to miss out on any of Riley’s or Maddie’s.

“Sweetheart.” Aaron kissed your cheek as you finished putting dishes in the dishwasher.

“Hi hon.” You hugged his side pulling him into your embrace, “How was your day?” Laying your head on his chest you looked up to him with all the love in your eyes.

“Pretty uneventful. Mandy and Anthony were at each other’s necks again. The animals behaved better than people, the usual.” He hugged you back brushing a few strands of stray hair from your eyeline.

This was his favorite part of the day, spending time with you. The fact that he knew he got to come home to you warmed his heart. Too often before he spent time in hotel rooms instead of his own bed. Oh, how he loved his own bed.

You grinned, “They just need to hook up already. For everybody’s sanity’s sake.”

“Y/N!” He laughed squeezing your side.

You pulled away from him shrugging, “What? You know they only bicker like that for one reason. They both need to just need to get it over with. I think Tammy said she was going to kill one of them sooner or later if they don’t shut the hell up. Her words, not mine.” You pulled a beer out of the fridge handing it to him. It was a Friday night, neither of you had any commitments in the morning, why not get your husband a little tipsy?

He took it from you, happily, “Cheers.”

You clinked glasses with him giving him nothing but a happy smile.

“Anything we’re drinking for something?” He raised an eyebrow, surely profiling you.

Letting your head nod up and down you laughed softly, “How do you always know?”

He smiled walking closer to you, “It was once my job to notice.” He pulled you back into his embrace by looping a finger through your jean belt loop, pulling you right towards him.

“Speaking of that.” You leaned your chin on his chest looking up at him with a smile. You didn’t miss his eyebrow raise in curiosity, “Job opening just came through.” Handing him your phone you waited for him to say something, anything. He knew how hard you’d been working to set yourself up as the most desirable candidate. Often going to lectures and seminars. Inserting yourself in the world you were so far away from. Going to go get a criminal communications degree at the FBI’s favorite school, Georgetown. You wanted more, needed more than what you were stuck doing.

He nodded giving you another once over, “Honey are you sure?”

“I’m positive.” You smiled, “I finally graduated with my criminal communications degree. I’ve outgrown my position at the zoo. I think it’s perfect timing Aaron.”

“Okay sweetheart. Let’s go get that resume cleaned up.” He reached for your hand ready to get down to business. He’d do anything for you, and this was what you wanted so that made it what he wanted too.

You weren’t sure how much Aaron had helped but you knew it had to be more than he was admitting to. He claimed he simply gave Prentiss and Strauss a call to put in a good word. You knew it was more than that when you got the compensation offer for far more than you’d discussed. You weren’t going to question it though. Your mom always told you never to look a gift horse in the mouth.

You’d have assumed Aaron had told somebody of your relation to him. That assumption was soon to be proven untrue when you met the infamous BAU Unit Chief Emily Prentiss from all of Aaron’s stories who was clearly trying to figure you out. When she asked you, “Are you married?” You knew she hadn’t a clue who you were. This was so Aaron to keep his two lives completely separated. A little heads up would’ve been nice though.

“I am. I have a stepson and two kids with him.” You smiled wondering how long you could play this game until they figured it out.

Emily smiled pressing the elevator button going up, “What are their names?” She was just being friendly. Knowing she was childfree for good reason.

You knew it wouldn’t give you away in the slightest, but it gave you the slightest thrill to speak his name out loud, “Jack is my stepson. Riley and Maddie are my younger two.” You pulled out a picture that strategically hid the younger Hotchner’s face showing it to Emily.

“They’re adorable.” She handed the phone back to you.

“Do you have any?” You asked knowing the answer. It felt odd knowing everything about her, yet she hadn’t a clue who you were. But you had to play stupid, or you’d make it pretty obvious something was up.

She shook her head, “No. But I have six agents that act like it sometimes.” She shot you a wink letting you get out of the elevator first. You got along great with the team after quickly recognizing JJ, Spencer, Morgan, and Penelope from Aaron’s pictures. Playing dumb was getting harder and harder throughout the day when you let it slip that your husband’s name was Aaron and that his son Jack had just gotten his license in a story you were retelling. Something they had just been told by him not that long ago. Surprisingly nobody picked up on anything, not that you could tell anyway. You weren’t a profiler but being married to one had you pick up on the small things that people normally glossed over.

When you got home that night you had Aaron howling with laughter after you detailed the day and how his old team didn’t seem to have a clue that you were in fact his wife of nearly ten years now.

“Don’t tell them. Let’s see how long it takes.” He cupped your face in his hands brushing his thumbs over your lips softly, waiting for your response.

A slight nod in his hands, “Any reason?” You asked, all too curious.

He shook his head, “Let’s see how well I trained them.” He laughed again. You joined in finding his joy more than contagious. More often than not he was in an incredible mood finding any and every reason to make you smile.

“They’re not doing so well Agent Hotchner.” You baited him. Taking a step back with a silly little smirk you watched his reaction.

He threw his hands up, “it’s only been a day sweetheart. Give them a week or two.”

“That’s a deal.” You grinned pulling his waist in for a quick kiss on the lips. Grinning when you felt him smile into the kiss. You felt those similar butterflies you always got from him. How he managed to make you swoon all these years later was beyond your wildest dreams.

They in fact did not figure it out within a week or two. It had been a month now since you started working with the BAU at the FBI and they had yet to even piece two and two together. You’d given them your whole life story minus pictures. The only good excuse you had was that you were private. It worked though. Nobody pried. You provided the same courtesy to them too. Only digging as far as they’d let you.

Aaron had even gotten his longtime friend and colleague, the one you’d actually met, Rossi to play the game. He stopped by the offices every now and then to help the team when they were in town. Retirement was great but even he had to admit he was terribly bored. He claimed he needed to keep his brain from going mushy, so he had to help on cases.

He was having all too much fun testing the team, “Y/N.” He called bringing you back to the present and away from your mind.

“Yes, Rossi?” You looked up from the stack of paperwork you were powering through, definitely your least favorite thing about the job.

“How’s your husband doing? Haven’t talked with him in a while.” He smirked knowing only you could see his face.

He wasn’t technically lying. Aaron and Dave normally spoke almost daily. They’d been missing each other this week though, “He’d good. Said he’s looking forward to seeing you and Pat this weekend.”

Morgan frowned interrupting the conversation between the two of you, “You know her husband?”

Had somebody  finally started picking up on it? How was Rossi going to talk his way out of this one?

Rossi nodded, “Oh yeah, we go back years. Friends for a long time. It’s a small world.”

Derek nodded trying to get a better read on the situation, “They’ve known each other longer than we have.” You smiled. If the team hadn’t been so overloaded he might’ve picked up on it. But he simply nodded turning back to his massive pile of bullshit he had to get done before he could leave.

“That was close.” You whispered earning a soft chuckle from the older man.

“I’ll see you later Y/N.”

You waved, “See you Dave.”

“Small world? Huh?” Derek looked back up giving you a side eye almost as if he didn’t fully believe your story.

“Incredibly small.” You confirmed.

If he knew he didn’t say a word. It wouldn’t be that hard to hide if they did any sort of digging, which you were sure Penny had already done. Why she hadn’t told the whole team was a mystery unto itself. There wasn’t a chance she didn’t do a deep dive on you for Strauss before the FBI hired you. Maybe Aaron had gotten to her before you did?

You only laughed when you saw Rossi’s old pickup truck siting in your driveway as you pulled in after working later into the night. To your delight the house was quiet leading you to believe the kids were elsewhere for the weekend. Aaron always had a plan, always. Something you’d grown to love very deeply. He could take charge of any and every situation no matter how big or small.

“David, I thought you said you’d be over Sunday. Not that I’m not happy you’re here.” You grinned setting your work bag down by the kitchen island.

“That was the plan until this afternoon. Aaron needed to know how his team is missing every sign.” David poured you a glass of the chilled Pinot Grigio he brought over.

“They are busy Rossi, be nice.” You took a long sit of the cool wine.

Rossi smiled, “We have to send in the big guns Monday Aaron. Jack has to come in. Bring in Y/N’s lunch or something.”

“That’ll give it away.” You grinned setting the glass down.

He shrugged, “They’ll never figure it out at this rate.”

Aaron sighed, “I’ve got to admit. I’m a little disappointed.” The smile on his face betrayed his words though. He loved every second of this. And with Jack being off for the summer he didn’t see why he couldn’t conveniently drive him in to drop off his mom’s lunch.

The plan sprang to life when Monday rolled around. You couldn’t believe Derek had gotten up almost the second that Jack walked out of the elevator. Waving him over you didn’t notice any of your teammates watching. Unreal, what were the odds of that.

He’d almost gotten in and out unspotted, or so you thought, before Derek walked back over spotting the now grown Hotchner.

“Hey kid! What are you doing here? You grew another three inches since the last time we saw you a few months ago.” Derek roughed the teen’s hair up. You only grinned sitting in your seat, somehow he’d missed the entire interaction between the two of you.

“Just dropping off my mom’s lunch.” Jack smiled knowing what game he had to play too. The Hotchner boys were having way too much fun with all of this.

“She works here?” Derek asked, surprise evident in his voice. He didn’t suspect a thing.

“She does.” He didn’t elaborate any further knowing he’d give the whole gig up if he did, careful not to look back at you.

You watched as Derek tried to figure out who the hell it could be. Obviously it had to be somebody on the floor. It wouldn’t be long before he put it all together now, “Well I hope that means we’ll see you some more kid.”

He nodded, “When I’m not in school. See you later Derek.”

“See you Y/N.” He waved making sure not to blow his cover.

“Bye Jack.” You winked at him making sure Derek couldn’t see, “I’ll see you later.”

When you looked back over at Derek he was staring right at you, “Sweet kid.”

He nodded confirming what you had just said. Curiosity got the better of him as he asked, “Did you see who his mom was?” Missing the fact that Jack just said bye to you and knew your name.

You shook your head, “Afraid not.”

“Interesting.” He kept looking at you. Then to the lunch that was sitting at your desk then back at you. He had to know. He was far too smart not too. But he didn’t say a word.

Raising an eyebrow, you knew he was so close to connecting the dots, “What is?” Giving him a sweet smile trying your best to play it off.

“Hotchner’s kid being here. Last thing I expected to see today.” He sat down at his desk across from yours.

You bobbed your head along, “Old boss?”

Derek hummed turning back to his paperwork letting you know he was getting back to work. How he hadn’t gotten it yet was a little surprising to you but being bogged down with so much work probably did have something to do with it. You didn’t see Spencer sitting there at his own desk across the aisle listening in very closely. He did see Jack come right up to you handing you a brown paper bag before making a beeline to Rossi’s office. It didn’t take him more than two seconds after that to realize you were his old boss’s wife. How could he not have seen it? Sure, you didn’t take his last name, but he still should’ve put it together. You weren’t shy about using his and Jack’s names.

Spencer let out an audible sigh once he realized deciding to keep his mouth shut. It was clearly a game at this point. How long would it take the rest of the team to notice?

You smiled looking at the team photos on the wall in the conference room. It was fun to see Aaron in his element outside of what he does now. It was hard to believe he was so serious and rigid. So different than the carefree man he was now. The one he was allowed to be after taking the retirement deal Strauss offered him all those years ago.

“That was is 2009. We were all pretty new to the team back then. Minus Hotch and Rossi.” Spencer’s voice spoke from beside you. That drew your eyes away from your young husband and back towards him.

“You all look like babies.” You laughed scanning over the much younger faces of the team members.

Spencer smiled, “I’d like to say we were naïve too, but we were years into it at that point. We’d seen it all, how awful humanity could be.”

You couldn’t fully understand Aaron’s stories until you had gotten here. This team truly saw the worst of the worst and stories only told you so much. In just your month here you fully understood. You got why he cautioned you. You could certainly handle it. It didn’t make it any easier though.

“Yeah, at least you had each other right?” You asked.

“Couldn’t have done it without them.” He turned pointing towards Aaron, “Without him. He did a lot for us. Miss him a lot sometimes.”

“He’s handsome.” You grinned not thinking Spencer had a clue of his relation to you.

He ignored you asking his own question, “Did you change your last name when you got married?”

You shook your head quickly, “No, too much of a hassle now a days. My friend got into a legal nightmare with taxes when everything didn’t switch over properly.”

He laughed softly enjoying your rambling, “What’s his last name then. Aaron what? Don’t think you ever told us, Y/N.” He leaned back on the wall grinning like a little Cheshire cat.

Busted. He had to have known. Do you tell him? Might as well, “Hotchner.” You bit your cheek to hide the little smile that was threatening to spill over.

He clapped his hands together, “I knew it.”

“Course you figured it out.” You laughed seeing the excitement of being right cross his face, “What gave it away?”

“Jack dropping off your lunch.” He scratched the back of his head, “It’s a little embarrassing I didn’t figure that out sooner.”

You shrugged, “It’s not like I’ve met you before. Plus, we’re more than a little busy here.”

“Is that why we didn’t get an invite to the wedding? He wanted to hide that side of his life away?” A flash of what looked like hurt crossed his face before a neutral expression took over.

You shook your head quickly, “Our parents didn’t even get an invite. It was just me, Jack, and Aaron.” You bumped your hip against his trying your best to reassure him.

Relief washed over, “Small wedding.”

You laughed, “Very intimate. We’d both already done the big fancy weddings. We wanted to make it just about us. It was incredible.” You admitted to him. Divulging another aspect of your life to him that had yet to come up. You’d gotten married and divorced. Married far too young with no plan didn’t make for a very loving and lasting relationship.

“Wait.” Derek’s booming voice came from the entrance of the conference room, “You’re married to Hotch?”

You spun around on your heal facing Derek and the team behind him with equally confused expressions, “Guilty as charged.” You smiled at them. You had to start laughing seeing all their expressions go from confusion to recognition to acceptance.

“Finally!” Penny let out a rather large sigh of relief, “I’ve been hiding that for far too long.” She shot you a wink.

Derek cocked his head to the side, “Why didn’t you say something baby girl?”

You spoke up for her knowing he was about to try and guilt trip her, “It was Aaron’s idea. Rossi and I just played along. Penny’s good at keeping secrets.” You returned her wink noting Rossi’s absence. He’d be so annoyed he missed this.

Derek’s jaw looked like it was about to hit the floor, “Well I guess it’s nice to formally meet you Mrs. Hotchner.”

Shaking your head you responded with a big cheesy grin on your own face, “He thinks he failed you all at this rate. We had a bet that you’d get it within two weeks. He took the under.”

“Don’t look so smug Hotchner lite.” He took two fingers and pointed them right at you.

The entire room erupted at that one, “Hotchner lite. I like that one.” You answered him once all the laughter died down.

“Alright,” Emily commanded the attention back from the room, “Hotch owes us all a round after pulling that little stunt.”

“That he does.” You agreed, “He said your all invited over once you figure it out. Consider this the formal invitation.” The team agreed before the day started and the case was given. Fortunately, the case was local.

When you got home late that night you found your husband quickly wrapping him in a big hug before spilling the details of your day. He stood there listening to every word like it could be your last. Just another thing you adored about him. He just made you feel so cherished and adored.

“Of course, it was Reid.” Aaron chuckled once you finished the story, “For as smart as they all are they can be so clueless sometimes.”

“That’s what I said!” You joined in the laughter with him as the two of you snuggled in on the couch. Neither of you making a move to turn on the TV, just enjoying each other’s presence. Leaning your head down on his chest your eyes drifted shut listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

“I love you sweetheart, get some sleep.” He ran his hands through your hair knowing that’d knock you right on out.

“Love you.” You mumbled before falling asleep on top of him, happier than ever with the way your life seemed to just fall into line.

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[paulyenvol6]

Toxic pt. 2

Contains: Smut, oral (m receiving), hair pulling, p in v, unprotected sex, degrading, choking, gagging, dom and mean Harry, sub reader, fingering, fluff

Wordcount: 2.42k

Masterlist

Y/n felt the breeze in her hair and just hoped it wouldn’t be all messy when she would try to comb it later. And she also prayed she wouldn’t catch the cold and lay sick in bed for the rest of the week. 'Fuck', y/n thought looking at her phone again but there was no notification.

She was sitting by this stupid bench alone on a Friday night. Harry had promised her a 'beautiful romantic date, just the two of us' and she had been surprised. In a very good way.

She had smiled and nodded and told him that it sounded lovely. But then a day later on Thursday Harry had texted her to ask her whether it would be okay if she would just pick him up after his football training and then the two of them could go on a stroll to go to a bar nearby.

Y/n had frowned at her phone, kind of felt the need to throw it against the wall but had agreed. She had been disappointed that a 'beautiful, romantic date' turned out to be a date in a bar but she wanted to give him a chance as she was still charmed by the gesture.

But well, now y/n wondered if it had been a mistake.

Harry had told her to be by the football team house at 7 pm and she had been there at 6:57 pm. When he hadn’t been there at 7:03 she had simply started to count the window panes of the shed that Harry had called a house. At 7:08 y/n had looked around to peek through one of the windows and at 7:16 she had texted him.

She could go in, sure. Harry was only a few feet away from her but you didn’t want to. He had invited her and y/n wouldn’t give in and chase after him.

Now it was 7:29 and she was annoyed. Now and then she could hear some laughter from inside the shed and y/n rolled her eyes. It was a Friday night and she had just spent half and hour in front of a stupid shed waiting for her boyfriend.

'No.', y/n thought. She was 22 years old and supposed to have fun in her life. Fuck this. Fuck his dumb idea of a date. Tonight she wouldn’t think about him. She wouldn’t storm into that shed, embarrassing herself by interrupting him and drag him out of there.

Y/n got up from the bench and took her bag. With a last look at the building she turned around and walked away. 10 minutes later she wasn't so sure about her plans anymore. Y/n didn’t really know where she actually wanted to go. She had walked through the small park next to the football pitch and now stood on a more lively street. She wanted to have fun, so that meant to find herself a warm place because her feet felt like ice by now.

While walking down the street she looked around trying to spot a nice bar or restaurant and then her eyes caught a sign. 'At Peter’s'. Y/n was thinking. That might just be the bar Harry had wanted to take her to. He had mentioned the name on the phone but of course she had forgotten.

But that didn’t matter now, the bar looked nice and y/n really wanted to get inside so she headed right towards it. Once she had entered it she was looking for somewhere to sit and actually spotted a stool at the counter.

Y/n ordered a beer and forced herself not to look at her phone. She had sworn herself not to think about Harry tonight. He had treated her badly, had neglected her and now he didn’t deserve to be the center of her thoughts.

Y/n sipped on her beer and looked around in the bar when she noticed someone sat down to her left. Curiously she turned around and looked right into the eyes of a young man with dark hair and piercing brown eyes.

She almost choked on her drink, so surprised by his gaze and coughed. "I’m sorry.", y/n pressed and the man grinned. "What for?" She chuckled when her breathing had calmed down. "For staring right at you and then almost choke at my beer. I was just startled."

The man smiled and she noticed that he had dimples. Like Harry. No, she couldn’t think about him again. "It’s alright.", the man said. "My name is Nick, by the way." Y/n smiled back at him. "My name is y/n. Very nice to meet you."

He took her hand and softly shook it which made her laugh again. "What brings you here alone on a Friday night?" Y/n rested her elbows on the counter. "Mhmm, I don’t know really. I think I needed a new environment." Nick nodded. "Respectable." "And what about you?"

Y/n rested her chin on the palm of her hands and watched him precisely. He chuckled and watched his hands on the counter. "Will it be enough for you if I simply say the air in my flat was too thin?" She laughed and Nick joined it.

But then he got serious again. "You know, I don’t want to be rude, y/n. If you don’t want any company right now I don’t want to bother you. I just want to make sure you want me to sit here next to you, you know…" "She does not." The voice made her jump and y/n quickly turned around. "Harry!", she said loudly and widened her eyes.

No, no! She was mad at him, she couldn’t feel guilty or scared now. HE was the one who had messed up. HE was the one who should come here and apologise. But the way he stood there. His hair still slightly wet from his shower and he just looked so confident.

She slapped herself mentally and changed her eyes to looking angry. "What was that, Harry? You told me to be there at 7 pm. And half an hour later, no sight of you, no message, nothing!" Harry didn’t look at y/n. He hadn’t looked at her while she had hissed these words but just looked at Nick furiously.

Speaking of, Nick looked from y/n to Harry and he obviously was confused by this situation. "Is… everything fine?" Harry chuckled sarcastically and leaned down to him. „Yes. If you leave this bar right now. And if you’re never gonna look at her again.“

Nick frowned and she could clearly see the fear in his eyes. So he quickly got up, grabbed his jacket not without letting her boyfriend out of sight and then left. "Harry?", y/n asked again but he ignored her. Then he grabbed her upper arm and pulled her with him.

"What the fuck are you doing?", she hissed trying to make him let go of her but his grip was tight. He dragged y/n to the toilets of the bar, into a cabin and locked the door behind her. "What the hell are you doing, Harry?", she pressed and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

It was the first time he looked at her tonight and took a step in y/n's direction. "I don’t want to EVER walk into a bar again and see you talk to another man. Do you understand me?" She raised her chin. "You are the one who – " Harry cut her off by grabbing the side of her face with his right and putting his hand on her mouth with his left.

"Mhmm. No. Wrong answer." He made another step towards y/n and her back hit the wall. He then removed his hand from her mouth and held her neck with it. "You’re mine, y/n. And I don’t like seeing other men toying with what’s mine."

She looked up to him and felt her knees getting weak. Fuck, this wasn’t how she had planned this. How was he able to turn her into a thoughtless mess so quickly? She knew she wouldn’t be able to stay strong if he looked at her like that.

"Say it.", Harry spoke and he ran the thumb of his right hand over her lips. "What?", she breathed. "Say who you belong to." "No.", y/n spit and Harry tightly pressed her against the wall while his hand put a little pressure on her throat. "Yes. You will. Because if you don’t I’ll leave you here and go home alone. And I know that you're little panties are soaked right now and my poor girl is craving my touch."

He lifted her chin. "So go on. I’m listening." God, why was he so good? Who had taught him that? She looked at him with big eyes, begging him to just touch her but he didn’t give in. "I’m yours.", y/n eventually quietly whispered.

"What was that?" "I’m yours Harry." He smirked widely. "Aha. There we go. Good girl." She pressed her thighs together at his words and Harry chuckled. "Just as I thought.", he growled and then roughly spreaded her thighs. "Go on. Touch yourself.", he said and y/n looked up to him surprised.

"Do it." She hadn't expected him to demand her to touch herself and yet she obeyed him. Her shaky hand slid between her legs and under her skirt and her thumb found her clit. "Rub yourself, darling.", he whispered while watching y/n's hand disappear under her skirt.

She began drawing tight circles around her little nub and then after a while Harry's right hand wandered under her shirt. He massaged her boobs and rubbed her nipples between his fingers which made y/n sigh loudly. His left hand crawled up to her throat and he choked her lightly.

"Get on your fucking knees.", he suddenly said and y/n immediately stopped rubbing her clit. Harry pushed her down in front of him and didn't waste another second. He opened his jeans, pulled them down, freed his cock in a matter of seconds and then ran his tip over her mouth.

"Open, you little slut.", he hissed and y/n knew better than to disobey him. She opened her lips and Harry thrusted deep inside her. She needed to cough, felt him trigger her gagging reflex but Harry didn't allow her to get away from his cock.

His hand had grabbed the back of her head tightly and held her in this position. "Don't fight.", he moaned. "Just fucking relax." Y/n tried her best to breathe through her nose and after a while could loosen around his cock.

"Good girl. Yes.", Harry whispered when he felt her calm down and he started to thrust into her mouth. His hand moved her head along to his hips and hit the back of her throat every time. "Fuck. Oh holy shit, your mouth is a fucking… paradise." Harry had thrown his head back and moved her head faster and faster.

Y/n knew him by now and could sense that it wouldn't take him long to reach his orgasm. She felt his thick cock thrust into her mouth over and over again and just when she expected him to shoot his seed into her throat he suddenly pulled out of her and y/n opened her eyes in surprise.

Harry took a fistful of her hair and pulled her up. Without saying a word he turned her around and pressed her to the wall while lifting her skirt. "Harry.", y/n moaned and blindly reached behind so he would take her hand but Harry simply pressed it to the wall. "Shut up.", he groaned and then ran his cock through her folds.

She was incredibly wet and Harry grinned against the back of her head. "You're a little whore, do you know that?", he whispered against her ear. "Getting soaked from getting your mouth fucked." Y/n whimpered when his cock hit her clit and shifted nervously so Harry smacked her ass. "Stop moving around." Y/n nodded quickly.

She just wanted him to fill her hole and couldn't wait for him to finally enter her. And he did, with one deep thrust he stretched her walls and both moaned loudly. Harry started to slam inside of her and y/n pressed her hands to the wall in an attempt to hold on to something. "Mhmm.", she made and felt her knees getting weak.

Harry's hand reached around her body and his hand wrapped around her throat. He lightly choked her and she felt a little dizzy from all this stimulation. Because Harry's other hand had started to make its way between her thighs and he rubbed at her clit. "Harry. Please…", she whined but her voice sounded a bit croaky due to the hand around her neck that restricted the air coming to her lungs.

Harry was relentless with his pace and he fucked her hard and deep against the wall. She felt him so deep inside her and in combination with his hand on her clit she felt like she was about to explode.

"Harry…", she whined and his hand around her neck wandered to her mouth. "Shut it. You're gonna make the whole bar hear you." Now she moaned against his mouth and after a few more moments y/n felt the knot in her stomach tightend pleasure washed over her.

"Shit.", she shrieked and luckily her noises were supressed by Harry's hand. Feeling her clench around him sent him over the edge as well and he came with a deep growl. Y/n could feel his seed filling her up and know her knees really would have given in if Harry hadn't held her at her waist.

He breathed a few times deeply trying to recover from the high and then he pulled out of her. Y/n couldn't see what he was doing but then Harry turned her around and stroke her cheek. He smirked and kissed her swiftly on her lips.

He had adjusted his own trousers and now grabbed a paper tissue, got it wet and cleaned y/n's pussy. His cum was leaking out and running down her thighs and it definitely would've been suspicious if she had walked out like that.

Then Harry pulled up her panties and adjusted her clothes. Y/n herself was too fucked out and powerless to do anything so she just let her boyfriend take care and it honestly felt good that he took cared of her. After Harry was finished he took her hand. "Come.", he said softly. "What are we doing?" "We're going on our date."

[hed-romancer]

so i made it to philadelphia

somehow. i got on one of the very few commercial flights leaving western north carolina (wnc) and holy shit. my mom kept asking me if i had any fun plans for my last weekend in wnc before my move and i kept telling her i didn't. turns out the hurricane had plans for me!

i work at a grocery store. wednesday when i worked, i asked everyone who came through my line if they were ready for the storm. only maybe 1/4 of anyone was seriously preparing. and that's a generous statistic. people were seriously unprepared. myself included.

thursday was my day off. rainy day off. i love rain! very relaxing, got a coffee, packed some.

friday i got a ride into work and the storm finally hit. by 7:30 we lost power and couldn't open the store. we stayed around to shelter in place and tried to save as many cold items as we could and stock the dry stuff. lost cell service around noon. i got home at 2 and the weather was alright by then but by 3 we had no water- the pipes were down. i practiced my instrument for the first time in a few months. friday night some of my neighbors started a bonfire and i went out and joined them for some food (salvaging the last of what we could before it went bad) and talking. very fun. (this time around i'll meet my neighbors before a disaster strikes!)

saturday i went back into work and we still had no power. we spent the whole day getting rid of previously cold food that had gone bad. the local fire station had a cell hotspot for verizon so i went there and finally called my mom to tell her i was okay. one gas station had gas so there was a blocks-long line of empty cars leading up to it as people left their cars to try and get gas. that gas station ran out, another one got gas, the same thing repeated. people waited hours for gas, waited hours to get groceries at the store right next to the one i worked at. since no one can flush toilets (unless they collected rainwater ahead of time or had a creek to get water to use in the toilet), the bathroom in my apartment and my workplace smelled BAD. i somehow got enough water from my sink to fill a bucket and i used that to take a rag-shower, then poured the leftover in the toilet. i read a book and had another bonfire with my neighbors. sirens- fire/police/ems- went off constantly.

sunday the store i worked at opened because we finally had power, and our store's line wasn't as bad (only 30 min wait time) but it was still intense. we ran out of still water in the first hour and were close to running out of sparkling water when i left at 2. two of my coworkers lost their houses. five haven't been heard from yet. some people had cell service so i looked it up and my flight was still set to leave on time. i'd heard from my neighbor who worked at the airport that the road to the airport was alright (for a while no one could leave wnc at all). sunday was my last day working there, and i was supposed to meet some coworkers for a drink after at this brewing company. the brewing co is now underwater. so's my favorite taco shop there. i read another book and had another bonfire with my neighbors.

when i left this morning, my apartment still had no power or water and i still had no cell service. my flight left as intended and i'm in philly now but it's so strange. i turn on the sink and water comes out. i use the toilet and it flushes. i went to a restaurant and they gave me a refill on water without me asking and i was aware that if i didn't drink it all they'd just pour it down the drain. i can call people now and read fanfic again.

[ququb444hm]

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭, 𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝

part 11 / moral support ☆

masterlist

warning(s): profanity, definitely typos (i rushed 😍)

It was friday afternoon and yn had just woken up to the constant ringing of her phone. grumbling at the noise, she slowly rolled to the side of her bed where her bedside stood and answered the call– 

“yn, where are you?

“home. I just woke up, why are you calling me?”

It was her brother, tetsurou, and by the sound of his tone, he was not happy. after mori informed him of his sister's absences from school yesterday, he began to realize just how much he saw yn around campus by her not being on campus.

normally, before their first class, tetsu would walk pass yn buying an energy drink at the vending machine near his biomedical research class (in which he would push yn out of the way, grab the drink from the opening, and make a run for it) or how after chemistry, yn would be the last one to walk out of class because she rambled to her teacher about god knows what, but tetsurou would also be the last to exit due to falling asleep to mrs. liam's monotone voice and repetitive lessons, allowing him to see yn from across the building he was in.

“did you skip all of your morning classes? what’s going on with you? are you actually missing class because of what happened on friday?”

“tetsu, i’m not failing anything. all my teachers are fine with it as long as I still turn in my assignments. everything is fine, don��t worry about it.”

“but I can’t just not worry about it, yn,” a lot of rustling was heard on the other side of the phone. assumingly, tetsurou was making his way to the gym for volleyball practice since this time, mori made sure to schedule the volleyball team for its usage. “look, I love you, and I don’t want to push you, but as your older brother, I will push you off a cliff if I know you won’t die from it–”

“what.”

“In other words, you need to talk to kozume. like now, or today, or just not wait until I graduate to clear things up–”

“I know, I know…I will…”

“because know it or not, he’s literally miserable from not seeing you. I walk into volleyball practice and his mind is elsewhere. he literally missed the ball three times yesterday! three! I’m about to bench him if you don’t fix this. his career is on you, kuroo!”

yn let out a laugh from her brother’s exaggeration, “alright, alright! I get it. I’ll…stop by his dorm after my art block tonight.”

“promise?”

“yes, captain. I promise.”

“good, good. thank you. now if you will excuse me,” tetsurou opened the doors of the gymnasium, preparing himself for another three hours of secondhand embarrassment from the team’s designated setter, kozume. “I have to deal with the consequences of your actions.”

yn spent the rest of the day until her usual art blocks at 7 thinking of what to say to kozume to try and mend the awkward tension she felt whenever his name was even mentioned in any conversation— that and crying to cheese about how much she hated being an adult.

"cheese, you are such a good listener," yn mumbled. she lay on the floor of her bedroom, watching as the rodent sniffed the sliced pieces of cherry tomatoes that had been cut into small pieces beforehand. "I'm gonna bring you with me to talk to kozu for moral support, okay?" a moment of silence where cheese walked over to the girl and booped his nose to the side of her cheek was taken as a yes and yn grinned in contentment. "okay it's decided then. I feel much better about this already."

hours passed and soon it was time for class. and then a few more hours made their way out the door, signaling the end of painting.

mori, who had sculpting in the neighboring room, peeked his head into the class, spotting his friend. "yn! I'm really craving steamed salmon, we should go to that one restaurant on the main road!"

"aw what, I would love to," yn chimed, packing up her things in such a slow manner that even the professor noticed. "but I have something I have to do."

"ms. kuroo, I also have something to do so could you stop stalling and clean up. I know it doesn't take long to gather all your brushes." mr. alec peered through his glasses, his hip leaning on his desk as he watched his oh-so-ambiguous student.

yn awkwardly laughed his warning off with a wave of his hand, "ahaha so silly, mr. alec. what's a busybody like you doing on this very fine friday evening? a date perhaps?"

"more like a friendly hangout with an old friend from grade school,"

"doesn't seem like that to me," mori giggled, eyeing the attire of the art teacher. "you seem pretty dressed up. are those new glasses?"

before mr. alec could form a remark, rin strode into the room, carrying a small camera which he used to zoom into the faces of the three other individuals present. "woah, looking clean mr."

"alright, alright. no paparazzi," mr. alec groaned, ushering the kids out once he noticed yn slinging her bag over her shoulder. "have a safe night you rowby bunch, make good choices!"

"we'll try!" the tree unanimously sang.

"so whats so important that you have to turn down steamed salmon?" mori questioned.

the three walked through the halls, making their way to their bikes which were chained up in front of the building. "you're not coming to eat dinner with us?" rin pushed further.

yn shook her head, eyes glued to her shoes. "nah, I'm gonna talk to kozu. tetsu called and told me he would push me off a cliff if I didn't or something."

the two choked up a laugh at the statement, muttering how much they loved the siblings' interactions. "hey, I'm proud of you though. I know it's like weird and all but at least kozume would be better prepared next time we decide to go out as a big group again."

"rin shut up." yn playfully rolled her eyes, pushing the boy's shoulder.

finally standing in front of their bikes, the three said their goodbyes before separating.

peddling back to the flower shop, yn quickly freshened up and grabbed cheese before making her way back onto her bike and finally building up the courage to face the oblivious blonde.

kozume on the other hand was in the middle of making dinner when he heard the familiar ping that signaled someone outside his dorm room. putting the kitchen knife down, he, along with ginger who trudged beside him, made their way to the door. upon looking through the peephole, the recognizable doe eyes also looking through the hole made him let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

quietly opening the door, he was met with yn who awkwardly stood with cheese on her shoulder. "hey kozu."

"hi yn."

part 10 hi cheese <- | masterlist | -> part 12 how cute

note(s): sorry tis bit late o.o none of the pictures used are mine!!

[omegaremix]

September 15 & 16, 2022.

Cold Waves X. It was a four-month wait from purchase to admission. I owed it to myself to go because goddamn it I’m a fucking industrialist. How should I even miss an opportunity to go to Brooklyn’s Warsaw and be around my type of people that are almost non-existent on Long Island? Plus, Paul Barker, Chris Connelly, and Front 242 would be there. It would be the third and final show of the year I’d attend, capping off a amazing run that started with Boy Harsher in April and continued with Sacred Bones 15th Anniversary (May).

Never had I traveled to New York City on back-to-back days. But the money spent on tickets and round-trip train fare was doubly worth it. I was met with two almost-perfect days of blue skies, white clouds, and nice leveled temperatures. Two days of driving westward on the Long Island Expressway, down Sagtikos Parkway, through Southern State to Rt. 231, and heading south to Rt. 27A to the Babylon stop to Penn Station with alphabet and number lines back and forth to boot, followed by breezy night drives down 27A and Sunrise Highway / Rt. 27 at 3AM. A sense of perfect pitch-black quiet and normalcy waited at the end as a response to two days of unforgettable acts.

No journey to Brooklyn and back wasn’t without being drenched in heavy sweat traversing through subway lines, race-walking on the broken concrete, and standing in one spot for five hours. I’d meet an older gentleman in his Seventies who, like me on Friday’s half, wore a Killing Joke shirt. His debut album to my “Turn To Red”. I’d meet some pretty interesting characters at the stations including a Tommy Conte look-a-like smootching his boyfriend, an Asian girl in a purple dress who’s thigh was bloodied and bandaged, hot wicked pale leatherettes, and a boyfriend who boarded the ‘E’ line with his girlfriend who was literally covered with deep red hickeys from neck to chest.

It was an event incomparable to the Sacred Bones’ showcase before it, or the ten-hour endurance test that was Hospital Productions’ 20th Anniversary. A double-headed victory, nonetheless. And I have the tracklist to prove it:

Male Tears: “Dealer”

Bedbug: “Songs About Ghosts”

Gauche: “Cycles”

Smash Your Enemies: “Faithless”

Courtney Love (indie): “Stripmine”

Axe Rash: “Bury Your Way Out”

Curse Mackey: “After You, Destruction”

Ducks Ltd.: “Sheets Of Grey”

Gauche: “Boom Hazard”

Nick Klein: “A Bundle And Some Speakers”

JPEGMAFIA: “The 27 Club”

Beirut: “So Slowly”

Dead Leaf Echo: “Milk.blue.kisses (Foil In Motion)”

Marine Girls: “On My Mind”

Katy & Nick: “Dinner Line”

Pom Pom Squad: “Popular”

Thanks For Coming: “Hard Drive”

Male Tears: “2AM”

Traps PS: “Prim Dancer”

7 Year Bitch: “You Smell Lonely”

Mediaslaves: “%”

Restraining Order: “Upper Class Bum”

Revolting Cocks: “Get Down” (EXT)

Old Iron: “Planetisimal”

Courtney Love: “My Last Night”

Television Personalities: “Happy Families”

Soda Lilies: “At Night” (demo)

Paper Dollhouse: “Emeralds”

Marbled Eye: “New Crease”

Male Tears: “Hit Me”

Silent Servant: “Slasher”

Siouxsie & The Banshees: “Party’s Fall”

Katy & Nick: “Sailor”

Kaputt: “Accordion”

Guerilla Toss: “Famously Alive”

Television Personalities: "Posing At The Roundhouse”

Totally Unicorn: “Dead Before A Live Audience”

Infinity Land: “Small Town Ritual Abuse”

DJ Muggs & Riggs: “Heads On The Wall”

Acumen Nation: “Gun Lover”

Mess: “F.T.W.”

JPEGMAFIA: “What’s Crackin”

Michael Berdan: “Combat Shock (Sentimental About the Taste of Gun Oil)“

Breakfast Muff: "Crocodile”

Mr. Elevator: “I Am The Moon”

Belk: “Question Of Stress”

Fight Amp: “Ex Everything”

Spike Hellis: “Rook”

Baby Strange: “Midnight”

Smirk: “Irrelevant Man”

Vandal Moon: “Young. Deadly. Beautiful”

Exek: “ID'ed”

Akitsa: “Vers La Victoire”

Happy Meals / Free Love: “May You Be The Mother”

Sunrot: “21%”

Vandal Moon: “Queen Of The Night”

[anonymous-badger-238]

30 questions

I'm just gonna answer a few questions again. Found this from @nuklearis-sutotok at here.

Ok so here we go

1: What song makes you feel better?

Superhero by Guiano

2: What is your go-to comfort show?

Abbott Elementary probably. It's really funny.

3: Reading or writing? Why?

Huh that's hard I like both

4: What's your favorite feeling?

That feeling when you come home from a long day of school and swim practice, and after you shower you can just flop down on your bed and relax

5: How do you like to take care of yourself?

Idk I like brushing my hair and doing skincare and stuff, but in a "mental" kind of way it'd definitely be making covers and music videos.

6: What’s your favorite candle scent?

That pear one I bought for 20 dollars at a World Market because there was a huge Black Friday sale

7: Who do you feel most like yourself around?

My IRL friend group, and also these people in this one Discord server (there are like 4 of you who know what I'm talking about)

8: What's a fabric/texture that’s nostalgic for you?

Sequins. Reminds me of when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and there was this whole trend where all the girls would show up in "flip shirts".

9: Best childhood moment?

Wow there are so many but it's hard to choose just 1. Probably when I rode Splash Mountain at Disney World for the first time. I was eight and me and my dad had to wait two hours but it was soooo worth it.

10: When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (or just felt really good afterwards)

This one time I was crying over something so my sister showed me funny pictures of politicians and then I laughed so hard I cried again.

11: Do you have a comfort item? Tell us about it!

This one infinity cube that I fidget with whenever I'm bored or doing homework.

12: What calms you down?

Just closing my eyes and resting on my bed on a Saturday morning and just not thinking about anything in particular. Of course there are those four months of the year where my relaxation will be interrupted by the sounds of the college football games on TV...

13: Bath or shower to relax?

My house doesn't even have a bathtub so I'm gonna have to go with showers. Particularly cold showers.

14: What's something upcoming that you’re excited for?

I'll be going on vacation soon.

15: Comfort food?

Fettuccine Alfredo with Costco's rotisserie chicken.

16: What's something you want to create soon?

I have a ridiculous amount of music videos I have to create. But I'm looking forward to doing the Alvarez/Mental Chainsaw one.

17: How do you feel best loved?

I don't know honestly.

18: What age in life do you think you’ll feel most yourself at?

Probably when I'm 30 or something.

19: Have you ever written or received a love letter?

LOL nope

20: Tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart.

The Splash Mountain one definitely but also that one time me and my family were going river tubing and then it started pouring so I vlogged it.

21: Tea, Coffee, or hot cocoa?

Coffee probably. My usual is a strawberry creme frappe from Starbucks. (Plus a donut.)

22: Name of your favorite playlist?

The Blaze-List. For reference, that is the one I created a really long time ago and I still update it to include my current favorite songs. No wonder.

23: Have you ever received flowers?

I don't remember.

24: Who is your best friend?

This one person I met in fourth grade, lost touch with, and then got back in touch with again

25: If your soul was a color, what would it be?

Honestly, I'm still trying to figure that out.

26: If you could live anywhere with anyone you want, where would it be and who would you bring?

I'd like to live in downtown Seattle with my sister. DC would be great too.

27: Do you like to garden? Have you ever grown something?

I just don't seem to have a green thumb LOL.

28: What are you proudest of?

This one paper I spent a really long time working on. Or my cover of Amanojaku which I'm really happy with the way it turned out.

29: Are you a kind person?

I don't know. I try to be kind to people whenever I can, though.

30: What do your hobbies look like?

Reading especially about WWII/Cold War history and nuclear chemistry, writing short stories, singing, making music videos, playing Pokemon, etc. etc. etc.

Anyways I guess I should ping someone but whatever

[mildmayfoxe]

ok here's the thing: i'm supposed to have a market tomorrow. but it's supposed to rain all day (i am not looking forward to loading in, waiting, and then packing up in the rain, all my things are paper) and the last market i did with these organizers had a horrible turnout and it WASNT raining all day. i've spent most of last month prepping for my black friday sale and it was the biggest sale orders-wise i've had to date. as i posted the other week i printed over 100 prints in like a week and a half leading up to it & i still have more to do for my patreon. so obviously i have been very busy. of course it seems silly to turn down an opportunity to make some money and i would love to see my market friends but like.................. i really am not sure i want to go. i feel like i haven't had a day off in one hundred years. and if i don't do the market tomorrow i'm still going to do work (aforementioned patreon prints) but at least i won't be absolutely drained from 7 hours of standing and talking to people and not eating lunch. but if i don't go who knows how many gift shoppers i am going to miss out on

[hazard-and-friends]

trial debrief (2)

this is the EVERYTHING ELSE. see previous post for the actual nosework.

we drove down friday evening. 4 hours in the car crate, not a peep from him (success 1!). we camped at a KOA, sleeping in the car on the first night. he was very fussy and worried about everything but pretty quickly discovered that we were All Sleeping On The Floor Together and passed out (success 2). super twitchy friday night which made me worried but like the wonderdog he is, once he's asleep he's out and no issues. (for him. jo and i...did not sleep well friday night.)

up at 730 saturday morning. he came with me to the bathroom and tried to stick his head under the stalls to investigate other people. did not however Behave Alarmingly Towards Anyone so a+ there. chuck him back in the car and drive to the trial site.

once there he was Concerned but let me leave him in the car and go check in (success 3). i learned we run first and had my first mini heart attack of the day. (running first is VERY GOOD, it means the search area is clean, but also like. no mental prep time.) went back, fetched him, took him to pee. put his NW harness on, took him into the waiting barn.

heart attack 2 was him completely disregarding me to shove his nose into the barn benches, but this is a fairgrounds and during the summer the barn holds cattle so like. did manage to pull him off and bring him to the start line.

did exterior then vehicle, then we pranced back to the car together.

he did VERY well in his crate watching people and dogs walk by (success 4!) although he grumbled if a dog came right up to the car, which is fair. he was completely blase about me walking away as long as i sidled away and didn't do so directly (success 5). he didn't care if i talked to people (success 6). we didn't ever leave him completely alone but he was fine if jo was in view, which is great.

popped him out a couple of times for 'potty breaks', generously stretching the term. it was 4 hours between the first pair and second pair of searches and if he didn't really nap, he also wasn't fussing either (success 7).

got close to our turn, got him out, checked in, went off to the next warmup area. heart attack 4 (#3 was on vehicles) was when he decided to scratch at the empty box bc he's a silly boy. we did lots of practice here about Not Peeing In Your Nosework Clothes because lots of the boys had been peeing on every vertical surface in sight, and i didn't care that he'd aced the exterior i wasn't about to start that shit now.

he did huff and get Large at the volunteer bringing us from containers to interior but given how very many people were around and talking to me and in his space, and that was the only time at the trial that he cared, oh well.

took him BACK to the car and this is where he started getting a little sticky about getting back in the crate. which is fair. spent some more time at the trial so i could go to the awards ceremony. glad i did, the score card is useful.

however he could NOT handle me being Over There and In Sight and said some fuck words about it until jo took him back to the van.

plan was to meet my instructor and her other students at a brewery, so we drove there. we were there first, so hung out outside at a picnic table. he licked the dirt?? sure bud. he did unwind a bit.

and THEN he went and spent TWO AND A HALF HOURS in a restaurant because he is a good boy and very brave and tolerant of people in his personal space (success 8). hung out MOSTLY under the table and only SOMETIMES in another table's space. got several french fries and a potato chip and some fried fish and a piece of Elk Burger. this last turns out to be the price needed to make him immediately friends with a stranger as he then tried to climb into her lap (success 9). MOSTLY ignored other dogs including those who wanted to bother him (success 10). conned my instructor into giving him several french fries for free, bc she hates me and wants me to suffer.

extremely reluctant to get in the car crate but did eventually and went back to the campsite. this time we set up the tent and i tethered him to his crate on 15 ft of line. he was VERY extremely good about letting me use the bathroom (success 11) and hung out alternately in the back of the van and in the tent like he goes camping all the time (he does not, success 12). did not care about the children. did not care about other dogs. did not care about adults. did not care about bicyclists. did care about dinner and about peeing Very High On A Tree.

slept through the night on jo's feet (success 13). up in the morning, let me go use the bathroom again, loaded up unwillingly but did do it, came home, and HAS NOT MOVED FOR THE LAST TEN HOURS. he is so asleep. such a little man.

overall: sepanx was remarkably good, stranger danger was minimal to nonexistent! basic obedience made me look like i know what i'm doing. car manners perfect!!!

we're gonna need to put some time into the car crate again--he was in it SO MUCH this weekend, 4 hour drive each way + most of the time at the trial, and he's understandably tired of it. but otherwise, no complaints.

[omegaplus]

# 4,488

September 15 & 16, 2022.

Cold Waves X. It was a four-month wait from purchase to admission. I owed it to myself to go because goddamn it I’m a fucking industrialist. How should I even miss an opportunity to go to Brooklyn’s Warsaw and be around my type of people that are almost non-existent on Long Island? Plus, Paul Barker, Chris Connelly, and Front 242 would be there. It would be the third and final show of the year I’d attend, capping off a amazing run that started with Boy Harsher in April and continued with Sacred Bones 15th Anniversary (May).

Never had I traveled to New York City on back-to-back days. But the money spent on tickets and round-trip train fare was doubly worth it. I was met with two almost-perfect days of blue skies, white clouds, and nice leveled temperatures. Two days of driving westward on the Long Island Expressway, down Sagtikos Parkway, through Southern State to Rt. 231, and heading south to Rt. 27A to the Babylon stop to Penn Station with alphabet and number lines back and forth to boot, followed by breezy night drives down 27A and Sunrise Highway / Rt. 27 at 3AM. A sense of perfect pitch-black quiet and normalcy waited at the end as a response to two days of unforgettable acts.

No journey to Brooklyn and back wasn’t without being drenched in heavy sweat traversing through subway lines, race-walking on the broken concrete, and standing in one spot for five hours. I’d meet an older gentleman in his Seventies who, like me on Friday’s half, wore a Killing Joke shirt. His debut album to my “Turn To Red”. I’d meet some pretty interesting characters at the stations including a Tommy Conte look-a-like smootching his boyfriend, an Asian girl in a purple dress who’s thigh was bloodied and bandaged, hot wicked pale leatherettes, and a boyfriend who boarded the ‘E’ line with his girlfriend who was literally covered with deep red hickeys from neck to chest.

It was an event incomparable to the Sacred Bones’ showcase before it, or the ten-hour endurance test that was Hospital Productions’ 20th Anniversary. A double-headed victory, nonetheless. And I have the tracklist to prove it:

Male Tears: “Dealer”

Bedbug: “Songs About Ghosts”

Gauche: “Cycles”

Smash Your Enemies: “Faithless”

Courtney Love (indie): “Stripmine”

Axe Rash: “Bury Your Way Out”

Curse Mackey: “After You, Destruction”

Ducks Ltd.: “Sheets Of Grey”

Gauche: “Boom Hazard”

Nick Klein: “A Bundle And Some Speakers”

JPEGMAFIA: “The 27 Club”

Beirut: “So Slowly”

Dead Leaf Echo: “Milk.blue.kisses (Foil In Motion)”

Marine Girls: “On My Mind”

Katy & Nick: “Dinner Line”

Pom Pom Squad: “Popular”

Thanks For Coming: “Hard Drive”

Male Tears: “2AM”

Traps PS: “Prim Dancer”

7 Year Bitch: “You Smell Lonely”

Mediaslaves: “%”

Restraining Order: “Upper Class Bum”

Revolting Cocks: “Get Down” (EXT)

Old Iron: “Planetisimal”

Courtney Love: “My Last Night”

Television Personalities: “Happy Families”

Soda Lilies: “At Night” (demo)

Paper Dollhouse: “Emeralds”

Marbled Eye: “New Crease”

Male Tears: “Hit Me”

Silent Servant: “Slasher”

Siouxsie & The Banshees: “Party’s Fall”

Katy & Nick: “Sailor”

Kaputt: “Accordion”

Guerilla Toss: “Famously Alive”

Television Personalities: Posing At The Roundhouse”

Totally Unicorn: “Dead Before A Live Audience”

Infinity Land: “Small Town Ritual Abuse”

DJ Muggs & Riggs: “Heads On The Wall”

Acumen Nation: “Gun Lover”

Mess: “F.T.W.”

JPEGMAFIA: “What’s Crackin”

Michael Berdan: “Combat Shock (Sentimental About the Taste of Gun Oil)"

Breakfast Muff: "Crocodile"

Mr. Elevator: "I Am The Moon"

Belk: "Question Of Stress"

Fight Amp: "Ex Everything"

Spike Hellis: "Rook"

Baby Strange: "Midnight"

Smirk: "Irrelevant Man"

Vandal Moon: "Young. Deadly. Beautiful"

Exek: "ID'ed"

Akitsa: "Vers La Victoire"

Happy Meals / Free Love: "May You Be The Mother"

Sunrot: "21%"

Vandal Moon: "Queen Of The Night"

[clementiens]

i had to say goodbye to grunkle stan on friday, i already had a vet that does house calls, so he was in my lap already and he stayed in my lap the whole time. it’s been a really hard weekend and it feels like it’s going to be a really hard week too now that my partner is back at work.

he had an emergency appointment in early november, and i’d been waiting + worrying about something like that happening again, but it didn’t. eventually i started to suspect a kidney thing because of two other symptoms, but otherwise he was completely himself, but in december, the vet said it was actually his thyroid, so we medicated that and had a followup just over a month later this past tuesday the 7th. he kept losing weight and losing energy in the last couple weeks, we gave him an arthritis shot on tuesday, but on thursday night when he was in my lap it felt like it was just time. we had a good last day together friday where he spent most of it on my lap until and while the vet came.

i was originally going to have him cremated but i VERY strongly changed my mind a few hours after i gave him to the vet. i texted, didn’t expect a response until at least the next day, didn’t expect to get him back, but they texted back and i got him back the next morning! i was told (and had already figured) that he’d been in the freezer, and i got him back in a little zippered carrier bag that honestly reminded me of the carrier bag that i’d always used for him because he hated being put in a crate. my beautiful amazing supportive partner took me to lowe’s on saturday to buy a cooler, and supplies to build an extra tall raised garden bed, so he could decompose naturally. i found guidelines from the state that included how to do this without the medication from friday affecting the water table etc and did a little googling and got a drill and stuff and i finished building it on sunday. my partner and i buried him together and i’ve been able to sit outside with him a few times in the yard which has been really nice. 

my personal feelings about how i want my body handled when i die have changed a lot over the years and it’s turned into something that i feel pretty strongly about. it ended up lining up a lot with jewish burial traditions even before i started trying to reconnect and then i ended up feeling even more strongly about it. 

while i was getting my crow and embryo tattoos, the friend who was doing them told me about a crow that their friend had found and given to them to preserve. they did it, it was technically done fine, but it felt awful, so they buried the crow instead, and the feeling was gone. the way they described it was that the crow’s spirit was still in its body and it didn’t want to be there. i felt that way about grunkle stan, i didn’t want him away from me, and i didn’t want him cremated. obviously the first night was going to be the hardest but having him away from me felt so fucking unbelievably awful and painful after having been together almost 24/7 for eight years, on my lap all the time, following me room to room, around the room, into the shower with me, through all of my health stuff and medical transition and complications. having him back home, even though i had to run right back out to lowe’s for the cooler and everything, was such a huge relief. my partner compared it to sitting shiva while he was in the cooler in the kitchen while i finished building the bed. they’ve been taking really good care of me.

eventually i’ll take him out of the bed and clean him and put him in a pot with a succulent on top (or smth like that with small roots), and that way i’ll always be able to keep him with me, which i wouldn’t have been able to do if i had just buried him since we’re renting and realistically aren’t going to stay here forever. in the meantime we’re going to paint the bed and i’m going to add a top layer for some small flowers. 

i didn’t know what to expect when i took him out of the bag they brought him back in, but before they put him in the freezer for the night, they positioned him so it looked like he was curled up and about to fall asleep. i got to pet him again and hold him and his fur was just as soft as always even though it was cold. i’ve never held a pet once they had died before (or during), and it felt like this made it so my body knows now too, and it’s helped so much with those moments where i think i feel him jumping onto the bed or i’m waiting for him to bump against my legs. with pets in the past it was always like i knew rationally what happened but emotionally and in the muscle memory, they had just disappeared suddenly, and this was completely different and it’s felt a lot more gentle. after we buried him, my partner and i went for a walk, we came back, and i started automatically trying to place him (like i have every single time i’ve come home for 8 years, and usually i wouldn’t have to try very hard because he would always run up to the door), and instead of just feeling lost, i could place him again. and then i could go and sit with him, with the image of him in the garden bed and the feeling of him in my hands.

i miss grunkle stan so much and i’m always going to, he was a special cat, he gave me so much love, and i’m feeling really blessed and relieved to be able to also take care of him after death the way i want to. he’s my big baby boy and i love him so much

[no-code-chatbot-builder]

Proactive Customer Service Through Chatbot : My Journey with Botbuz.

Every great business story starts with a problem waiting to be solved. For me, it was the countless sleepless nights spent managing my small e-commerce business. Orders flooded in daily, and with them came an avalanche of customer queries. From “Where is my package?” to “Can I change my delivery address?”, the questions were relentless. The turning point came when I stumbled upon Botbuz Chatbot—a tool that promised to revolutionize my approach to customer service.

The Beginning of a Transformation One morning, after yet another customer email chain had drained my energy, I knew something had to change. I had heard about chatbots but assumed they were impersonal, robotic, and far from what my customers needed. Still, desperation pushed me to explore, and that's when I discovered Botbuz Chatbot.

The platform’s user-friendly interface immediately caught my attention. With zero coding knowledge, I could set up a system that promised to deliver proactive customer service. This was not just about answering questions—it was about anticipating them.

The Art of Proactivity Proactive customer service is a game changer. Instead of waiting for customers to ask, you provide solutions before they even realize they have a problem. For example, instead of responding to “Where is my package?”, you send a tracking update as soon as the order is shipped.

Using Botbuz Chatbot, I was able to integrate these features seamlessly. The chatbot would ping customers when their order status changed, notify them of potential delays, and even provide product care tips post-purchase. My customers were impressed—they felt cared for and valued.

Building Personal Connections The beauty of Botbuz Chatbot lies in its ability to emulate human interaction. I remember customizing the chatbot's responses to match my brand’s tone—warm, friendly, and helpful. One of my favourite moments was when a customer, convinced they were speaking to a real person, sent a heartfelt thank-you message to the chatbot.

It wasn’t just about automated replies. By leveraging proactive messages, the chatbot could suggest complementary products, send birthday discounts, or notify customers about seasonal offers—all while maintaining a personal touch.

Turning Challenges into Opportunities Running an e-commerce business comes with its fair share of challenges. For me, one of the biggest hurdles was managing high traffic during holiday seasons. Before using Botbuz Chatbot, my inbox was a chaotic mess, with questions pouring in faster than I could type.

But the chatbot changed everything. During last year’s Black Friday sale, it handled over 80% of queries independently. It resolved common issues, escalated complex problems to my team, and provided 24/7 support. Not only did this reduce my workload, but it also resulted in a 35% increase in customer satisfaction ratings.

The Numbers Don’t Lie After six months of implementing Botbuz Chatbot, the results were astounding :

Customer satisfaction scores soared by 40%. Query resolution time dropped from 12 hours to just 15 minutes on average. Revenue increased by 25%, driven by upselling opportunities initiated by the chatbot. What stood out most was the positive feedback. Customers appreciated the real-time updates and felt more connected to my brand.

[erocide]

11/21/2024

The end of the week comes so quickly... at least, the end of the work week. I couldn't quite believe it when I checked the time at work. Friday already...

It's soooo cold in my room. I got out my tablet again for the first time in months to be able to type this up properly, instead of just on my phone, and I feel like my fingers are going to freeze!! I'm so clumsy! But it's fine... it means I get really good sleep all cozy in my blankets. Case in point: I slept until FOUR again today. I didn't turn my alarm off and my body decided, that in the sweet, cave-like darkness of my room, that eleven hours was enough...

What happened today... I basically spent my entire 2 hours of peace before work getting ready. And being indecisive on what I wanted to do. I thought I had enough time to go get Mexican food, realized I didn't, started to get out leftovers to reheat, saw it was already 5pm, and just gave up and got ready for work. Nobody said time management was MY strong point.

Spent most of today spending time with my friends, tbh. Work was easy. Laughably easy. My coworkers sill aren't worth shit but. C'est la vie. It just means I'm answering the phone for less time if I'm doing more mail. I got to spend time with Dee for the last time in a while, and I wish we had done more, but I'm still happy with what I got. And it's a Thursday, so I watched Dandadan with Nico. Aira is getting on my last fucking nerve 💔 but I'm sure she's important somehow. She's cursed, afterall, if that cliffhanger meant anything.

I also actually played IDV again. Everybody cheered. I had a lot of fun esp since I got to play with a friend. I need to go back to just Having Fun instead of trying to win 24/7. Getting better is great but it sucks the fun out of it. *And* I spent some time with Rain and Nico watching the story event and I played a hunter match. Just for fun. I won by the skin of my teeth.

I procrastinated wayyy too much at home though. I need more self-discipline in actually fixing dinner and going to bed. But I picked out two candidate outfits to go to the movies (maybe) and mall (definitely) tomorrow. It'll only be 56F in the afternoon so I tried to pick warmly but its Hard when its summer for 9 months of the year.

I also stayed up later than I meant to, sitting with my aunt and watching TV with her. I wanted to leave basically as soon as she came out but I felt bad ditching her and stayed for twenty or thirty more minutes.

When I finally left to brush my teeth, Milk came and joined me and I was reminded so viscerally of when he was sick and dying and trapped in my bathroom for his wellbeing. I think the most frustrating part of being reminded is that he's super standoffish about being touched and I couldn't pick him up and hug him, I had to carefully wait, bent over with my hand out, for him to come to me.

There's some meaningful commentary about life in there somewhere, but I can't be assed to find it at 5 am. Its so late, trucks are driving past as people go to work. So this is goodnight. Sweet dreams.

[ireceived-p8250000]

November 17-23, 2013

Sunday

I spent the morning working on posters and revisions. Laundry filled the rest of my morning while I reviewed for my upcoming exams.

Monday

My only exam was for CompSci, so I took advantage of the free time to catch up on work and study for other subjects. Later, I met Mansoor at the library.

I attended my Aikido class, where Hollmae and I shared stories and laughs.

Tuesday

Today was the day of my exams for Abnormal Psych and Rizal History.

Feeling under the weather, I struggled through Abnormal Psych, submitting my case study journal despite a splitting headache. Afterward, I sought refuge at Patch cafe to review my notes.

During the exam, I felt dizzy and struggled to concentrate, watching classmates leave one by one. When Sir Apollo asked if I had finished, I nodded weakly. Suddenly, my nose began to bleed.

"Sir?" I was bewildered.

"May tissue ka?" He rummaged through my bag, swiftly retrieving some to help me.

He placed the tissue on my nose, reassuring me with a joke, "Last week, you were crying; now your nose is bleeding."

I rolled my eyes, but his attempt to lighten the mood worked. We sat together until my nosebleed subsided.

Embarrassed by the bloody mess on my test paper, I muttered, "Shit, Sir, Sorry."

He was taken aback by my language but brushed it off with concern, "It's okay. Are you feeling unwell?"

"I don't know. But this is embarrassing," I confessed.

He smoothed my hair gently, saying, "Don't worry. You can take the exam again at a different schedule. Check my schedule at CTE."

"But I've already finished," I protested.

"It looks like your paper got 'edited' with red pen," he joked, making me snort with laughter.

"Baka lumabas yung uhog mo," he teased further, "It's okay, I'll just give you another set of exams."

After cleaning up and applying alcohol, I thanked him again before leaving. Hollmae interrupted us, entering the room and seeing the mess on the table.

Apollo quickly stood up, sensing our need for privacy. Before I left, I thanked him once more.

Arriving home, I recounted the day to my mom, who made me her infamous Vitamin B ampalaya shot. Its bitterness was palpable, but I knew it was her way of showing she cared.

I turned in early that night, grateful for the day's unexpected kindness amidst the chaos of exams.

November 17-23, 2013

Wednesday

I had exams for Philo and Experimental today. Feeling better, I checked Sir Apollo's schedule and saw he had a class in the afternoon, same subject, ending at 2:00 PM. After finishing my exams, I headed to the room in the other building.

Sir Apollo smiled as I entered. I took the exams, submitted them, and when he asked if I was feeling better, I nodded, grabbed my permit, and left.

I met up with Mansoor later and shared the day's events, leaving out the specifics about Sir Apollo. I spent time at the SAO office.

Thursday

My remaining exams were English 7 and Ecology, with hours apart. I stayed at the library in the afternoon and visited Mount Cloud bookshop, purchasing Komixmachine. Returning to the library, I indulged in some reading.

The girls invited me for a drinking session, but with exams finishing late at 8:00 PM, I declined. Once again, Apollo saw me and we sat together briefly. He asked about my reading, and as time pressed, he had to leave, but not before exchanging another long-ish stare. I played it cool.

After taking the exams, Mansoor picked me up, and we went to Roxanne's boarding house for drinks. I didn't drink much, but Mansoor did, unable to handle alcohol. My mom called, so I headed home by 11:00 PM.

Mansoor seemed agitated, touching me, but I playfully told him not to.

Friday

Finals day. I still had a hangover. For our final requirements, we did Excel work and PowerPoint for Comp Sci, discussing oddities from the internet again. Ma'am Nanette was amusing as ever.

Philo was uneventful, but in Experimental, while waiting, Sweeney and I saw Sir Apollo pass by, smiling at me. She gushed over him, revealing he's her crush, with a hint of admiration and mild infatuation.

Our experimental project involved a case study on behavior modification. I chose Ran again, focusing on teaching him to tie shoelaces.

After class, I attended Aikido, with Paolo teaching us new moves.

Saturday

I attended Abnormal Psych, where we prepared our script for the upcoming project. Meanwhile, as intrams continued, I captured candid shots and videos of Divina playing.

Later, in History class, Sir Apollo made a questionable remark about battered women having the freedom to leave. After class, I voiced my disagreement, leading to a brief debate before parting ways. Hollmae waited for me.

After Ecology, Hollmae and Mansoor were waiting. Hollmae paired up with Robbie, who seemed to be flirting with him. We ended up at Roxanne's place again, continuing our drinking.

My grades were excellent:

Psych 108: 87

Psych 109: 95

Philo 1: 95

Engl 7: 95

Comp Sci 1: 92

Economics: 93

History 22: 96

Ecology: 94

We returned home very late. I told my parents I was at a friend's house watching movies.

"Mans, do you want to stay at my house?"

He was surprised. "Won't your parents be mad?"

"They won't know until morning. You can leave then. Just sleep at my house. Only Roxanne is there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Don't worry, I won't take advantage of you."

He hesitated but agreed. We were both nervous. I escorted him upstairs, then went down to get snacks and let my parents know I was home, though they gave me an earful.Roxanne was already asleep, so we sneaked in. We watched "On The Job" and "In the Mood for Love," since I was in the mood for both indie films and romance.

[annieintheaair]

Hello Weekend

I honestly can't believe that I finally made it to Friday. This week has been incredibly long and I'm so sleep-deprived that I'd probably be happy with a weekend spent catching up on sleep at this point.

I have mixed feelings about it being Friday. Of course, I'm glad I'm done flying for the week and the rest of my month should be a little easier with only three trips per week, so that's something to look forward to. On the other hand, I became so used to the normal Friday of getting home from work, working my other job, napping, going to yoga at noon, and then loading myself and the dogs into the car to drive up to Todd's for the weekend.

I considered going to Disney World this weekend just to get away and go to a happy place. I went there not long after James and I broke up and it helped to get my mind off of things and feel happy again. After that breakup, I had planned out a whole train trip around the country. I had every intention of taking it but then realized that the last thing I needed right then was to take a trip alone. I felt like I just shouldn't be alone at that time. Instead, I went to Florida to visit my childhood friend, Pat, and we went to Disney.

I couldn't find a dog sitter for this weekend but I also knew that I shouldn't be spending the money right now when I have so many things coming up that cost a lot of money (like moving).

I got home from work around 7:30am today and was able to take a shower, get some work done, and then turn on the TV and fall asleep. When I woke up, Facebook reminded me that I had memories today. One memory was three years ago when I thought about my Grandma and just missed her so much. It's hard to believe that she has been gone so long. In the post, I talked about how when you love someone, you never stop missing them. I finished the post saying:

"Hold those you love close and tell them you love them. Our time here is so limited and our time with those we love is never long enough."

I still believe all of that today. There are lots of people like my Grandma and Dan, who I unfortunately, get to miss indefinitely. All of the people who once served a purpose in your life, random things happen in your day and it just makes you miss them all over again. Somehow, it feels worse to miss someone who is still here. It's almost easier when you know they're gone because they passed away. Missing someone who still exists in this world is incredibly painful.

Another post, from nine years ago, when I first started flying, was about my work trip to Chicago where I got to explore the city and walk 13 miles in one day all by myself because my crew wanted to stay in their rooms and watch Netflix all day. That day, I fell in love with Chicago. I said in the post, "In life, if you don't go alone, you probably won't go at all." My mom commented, "I just know that in this big beautiful world, there is someone waiting to travel with you!"

That Chicago post was NINE years ago! I'm STILL waiting for someone to travel with me. Dear God, I am EXHAUSTED!

I can go back and forth -- like, I'm ok on my own. But then, I keep seeing all of these events happening and fun things to do and I'm like, I really can't do any of those things alone and even if I tried, I don't think I'd enjoy any of it because I would feel lonely. Not having Todd to do all of the fun things with really sucks.

I can't go back in time and I feel like I can't fix anything. In therapy yesterday, Jose encouraged me to try to do the things I enjoy even on my own. We talked about how it's hard for me to do all of those things when everything means driving an hour. It was one thing to do it so I could spend the weekend with Todd but it feels like a lot to do it in one day just because.

When Todd and I were looking for a place together, there was more of a sense of urgency for us to find a place. Since his lease ends in June, we knew we needed to find a place by then. My parents seemed ok with that and so that became the timeline. Now, my mom seems to think that I should stay here forever until they find a buyer because she thinks I no longer have a timeline. Regardless of Todd, and even before we had started looking at places together and I thought I'd be moving on my own (which I am now, again), my timeline was still May/June. I wanted to move before summer when it gets too hot and I really don't think I can handle another summer without a pool.

Jose agreed that I'll feel better and happier once I'm back where I feel like I belong. He encouraged me to tell my parents that I still have that timeline even without Todd. When I tried to tell my mom that last night, she became really mad at me. Coming full circle here, that is exactly how I ended up with an anxious attachment style. When you have an anxious attachment style, your feelings can feel overwhelming and as a child, you learn how to manage them on your own because you feel like, no matter how hard you try to be close to people and how much you want them to understand you and accept your feelings, people treat you like you're too much.

I've been reading the book Secure Love and it made me think about times in my childhood when I felt like I was invisible. When I was 4 I ran with a noodle on my nose and ended up splitting my head open and needing 20 stitches. This was a call for attention. The same thing happened when I jumped off my bunk bed and nearly broke my nose. All these attempts at getting people to notice and care about me and even though I know my parents love me, sometimes when someone yells at me, like how my mom reacted last night, makes me feel like I can never do anything right. In the book, they call this "getting big" because it's how we get people to notice us when we feel ignored.

All these years later, I still can't stand to be ignored. Being ignored makes me feel like I'm being punished and like I can't do or say anything right.

The book I'm reading isn't only an attempt at fixing relationships, but also better understanding myself and those around me. I'm trying to be understanding when I feel ignored because I know that people with an avoidant attachment don't know how to process emotions and sometimes need time. I can't help but feel impatient because I just want to try to fix everything but I'm reading the book and working to become a securely attached person, instead of an anxious one. I just wish someone would notice my efforts and meet me halfway.

Well, I'm off to yoga to hopefully calm my mind and heart.

xoxo

Annie

[requiemforarainbow]

Trying to write with chronic pain flares is...interesting. Under a cut for talk of unknown illness/pain and personal shit.

Follow my NaNo 2023 journey: https://nanowrimo.org/participants/jordan-a-wruck

So the last week of September, I started to have a small pain in my lower right abdomen. It started at about a 2/10 - just a tiny little "oh, that feels weird. Huh." I originally chalked it up to muscle pain because I'm a side sleeper, and my right side is the normal side I get comfy on.

October 2nd. Pain was still there and increased to about a 6-7/10. Immediately got me in to my doctor's Internal Medicine side to see a doc. She ordered bloodwork and an ultrasound. Promised me results in 24 hours.

October 3rd. Doc hadn't called with results by close of business. Meanwhile, the pain spiked to a 9/10. ER TIME! (I HATE the hospital, so for me to say "let's go to the hospital" it has to HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. Last time that happened it turned out to be my gallbladder.)

ER visit took.... 7 hours. 7 FUCKING HOURS. 2 of those hours were in the WAITING ROOM. 5 was spent in a bed in the HALLWAY in between 2 CLEARLY MARKED ISOLATION ROOMS WITH THE DOORS OPEN AND NO MASKS IN SIGHT. (In retrospect, I forgot my mask too with the pain, and 5 days later ended up with a minor viral infection myself.)

ER doc ordered more bloodwork, urinalysis, an ultrasound, and a CT scan. By the time I got back from the CT scan I was starting to get a migraine, and the pain in my abdomen hadn't subsided either. (Also I learned I'm not actually allergic to CT contrast, but that's another story.) At this point I was betting either my appendix was acting up, my pancreas was being more of a bitch than usual (diabetes is fun!), or something with my liver.

So, total time spent in the ER: 7 hours.

Results from the tests: "Nothing actionable."

Total pain medication given: Z E R O mg.

That's right. NO PAIN MEDICATION. They gave me anti-nausea meds and PEPCID FOR FUCKING HEARTBURN.

Because as we all know, heartburn starts over near the FUCKING APPENDIX.

...Yes, I was and am P I S S E D.

They literally treated me like a drug addict looking for a fix. Even after I mentioned I had a migraine. All because my 9/10 pain wasn't making me scream constantly. My normal pain level is about a 6/10, which is a level that would have most people without chronic pain bedridden and screaming. For me, anything LESS than that is literally background noise.

Oh, did I mention I had my PARENTS WITH ME?! My parents - who are also chronic pain sufferers. My parents who have NARCOTIC PAIN MEDICATION.

Naturally I brought them to the ER to help me "get a fix", right?!

What does my doc give me for this chronic pain, you ask? 800 mg ibuprofen. Which - surprise - doesn't usually do jack shit.

I mean, I get it. The narcotic stuff can be addictive. And with the opioid crisis, they're careful who they give it to. In my state, you have to be under the care of a long-term pain management doc.

Who won't see me because - surprise - I'm a "kid."

I'm 36 and use a cane because of the pain. My primary doc helped me get a disabled parking placard. She knows how bad my pain gets. She knows - but she legally can't give me anything stronger than the ibuprofen. (Which sucks. But I like her.)

But you'd think the ER could have at least given me an ibuprofen!!

Anyway. Went back to the Internal Med doc a week later. The Internal Med doc set me up with a GI consult. (Gastric doc. I'm starting to think it might be warranted because it's starting to hurt every time I eat.) The date of my initial consult?

November 30th.

Yep. That would make the appointment TWO BLOODY MONTHS after the initial pain started.

Luckily they have a priority cancellation list. And I guess someone cancelled because my appointment is now this Friday (November 10).

I already know how it's going to go. They're going to prod my abdomen a little, not find shit, and say "Okay, so we're going to have to scope you."

I've had an endoscopy before, both upper and lower. The prep is a NIGHTMARE. (Note: do not drink the ginger flavor prep with Pepsi. You will want to barf for weeks.)

Fingers crossed the endoscopy will find what the fuck is causing my entire abdomen to feel like someone is jabbing me with a cattle prod every time I eat now.

And that I can get to 50,000 words this NaNo.

[things-that-just-happen]

I Stayed Overnight At An Airport for the First Time - Obviously, It Sucked

After two weeks, the BU Summer Challenge came to an end. BU Summer Challenge is basically like a "summer camp" where I traveled to Boston University to take two college classes I chose and attended other activities, such as going to the beach and watching a movie with my friends. Some activities are optional, others are mandatory.

Anywho, let's get to the point.

So I stayed overnight at Boston Logan International Airport because...well...it's a long story.

Here's how it went:

I arrived at the airport around 3:30pm on Friday, August 4. For the first few hours, I turned in my luggage, went through security, and had a last meal with my BU Summer Challenge friends. Around 6:00pm, I was alone. I had to wait until around 8 because my flight was delayed. Initially, I was supposed to board at 7:10.

Once everyone boarded the plane around 8, we all waited about an hour and a half before we had to get off the plane. We basically went nowhere. We had to get off because one of the computers on the plane wasn't working. That didn't mean the plane couldn't fly, but I assume that computer was crucial for navigating around in the air or something (I'm not a plane expert).

So there we (all passengers) are, waiting for the next incoming update. We were told that the flight boarding time was extended to 12:28am. We waited more, and 12:28 passed. That was when passengers began to express their agitation, and I can't blame them.

And then when I found out that the flight was extended to 11:00am the next day (Saturday, August 5), I whisper-shouted "What the fuck?!" while laughing because the situation was just so ridiculous that I couldn't even get mad. When I looked up, I saw a couple people looking at me.

"Sorry, sorry," I said while continuing to giggle.

Later, I noticed one flight attendant trying her best to calm the angry crowd of people down. She said that she can offer beds for us to sleep overnight, which is obviously good. But one of the passengers accused her of having an attitude, and a couple others agreed.

I was like, "Are you serious? She's trying her best to help. Either take the beds or leave it, 'cuz this situation is not getting any better."

It was already getting super late. I remember going downstairs to Carousel 10, where foldable beds were being handed out. The thing is...the music playing above was super loud. It was cold as hell. There was this high-pitched beeping sound that kept going off every now and then. I only slept about 30 minutes the entire night. You might be wondering, "Why didn't you bring a jacket in the first place? Airports are generally very cold, right?"

Yes, you are most definitely correct. The thing is, I lost my jacket and my neck pillow. My jacket was an oversized red zip-up that had the word Boston on the front. My neck pillow was given to me by a friend that I might never see again. I feel so ashamed of myself that I lost two of my most treasured items. The entire night, I was freezing, hungry, and tired. But at the same time, I couldn't sleep.

Anywho, after waking up from my short nap at 4:00 am, I went through security all over again.

As I was walking to my gate, I bought a grey oversized hoodie with the word Boston on the front, along with a couple breakfast snacks. Did I buy a neck pillow? No. I already spent about $34 dollars in total - the grey hoodie being the most expensive item - and I didn't want to spend any more than necessary.

After eating my snacks, I finally got a good rest from 6:30am to 10:00am.

And hey, remember when I said the flight was delayed to 11:00am today. It is 11:56am right now. The flight got delayed again. At this point, I am no longer surprised.