#lana writes cs

[brucethegirl]

Fave season of ouat. And y. Go. (Mine is 3 bc that’s when you see hooks softer/ but still flirtier side and the relationship growing). Although 5-6 come very close bc they are stronger and the proposal and wedding. Ahhhh. But omg when he asked for David’s blessing. That ep had me. But all the kissing in season 3. Oh wait, there’s other people other than hook and Emma in ouat? Nah.

Oh gosh.... (edit: i wrote like two paragraphs of this before realizing you just asked general favorite season, not favorite CS season, but I still turned this into a CS post.)

Season 2 is not bad. There's so much there for background to understand where emma was coming from, versus season 1 which was mostly us as viewers learning who everyone was in the enchanted forest and how the story we know was being reinterpreted. Now it was learning where Emma was coming from, where Killian comes into the picture and some of his background, where Cora comes from which lays the groundwork for how she raised Regina and where she is coming from. How they became the people they became today, the steps of their recent history. The continuous choices and situations that led them to where they were when they all came together. I love straight up evil Killian. It's fun. Him trusting her immediately, him being sassy flirty, him saying "just a I'm done with you" (pssh, okay my guy). but at the end, despite it being good writing, I'm just okay about it. I mean yea its got Tallahassee.... but I also am not a fan of how they handled the neal/emma relationship when they were young. Michael Raymond-James is NOTICEABLY an older man well into his 30s, and I could buy him being a rough 20 something, but Emma is VERY MUCH meant to be late teens and that entire casting situation and its implications followed by the pushing in later seasons for her to be with Neal by her family just makes me so very uncomfortable.

Three is honestly such a fair choice. I love season 3 with Hook starting to realize he needs to change and wants to change. But also still actively having to purge his villain tendencies. Rolling his eyes while volunteering to help Belle research. His snarky comments constantly that no one laughs at cause they're a little on the meaner side. But also the way he and Emma so automatically can read each other. She just has to tilt her head or nod and he knows what she wants him to do. The longing looks, the declarations. Nothing beats "when I win your heart, and I will win it. It will be because you want me" NOTHING. "I'm in this for the long haul" after saying he'll back off to give Henry the chance at a family, and won't inject himself into that. But also knows Neal will mess it up, knows he'll be on the sidelines for the second of an oppertunity. Knows that he DOES stand a valid chance if he wanted to fight. Like, just fuck me up. The shift in Regina's character and how she learns to become good, how that is different from Hook's journey but they both recognize it being the same journey. Her teaming up with Rumple to fnd Henry and it markedly NOT being villains teaming up, but her willing to do anything to save her son and the second she realizes its no good, she's gone. Learning more about the emotional backstory and early character moments in their lives, Hook, Emma, and Regina especially. Learning the complicate pasts, and seeing the steps they took to get here. I feel like actual writing wise- its the strongest season for them. Its also go the best lines. Like Regina and Robin also is SO GOOD in the flashbacks and I forever regret not getting more of them in that weird flirty hate each other stage but what we did get was SO GOOD. "Where you come from, they bath in the river and use pine cones for money" Lana... ma'am.... that is THE BEST LINE in the entire show for me. This season had all the potential, and for that it gets a lot of points. A lot of what was built didn't get delivered on as well as it should have, but that's not the foundations fault. And this season was the foundation.

Season 4 is prime them in love. I love the relationship part of most shows when they handle it well, and I think THAT aspect was handled well. Him obviously in love, her coming to terms with what that means. So much angst in a good way of him being the reason for some of the problems she has. Of him not having his heart. Of him realizing he can't keep making the same villain mistakes if he's going to be with her, if he's going to change. If he's going to be a better man. This is a great season just like... FOR him. You see the realizations that he's made these mistakes and he can't even blame his past self. His current self did this to himself. You see the beginnings of his self-loathing and how that builds the reasoning for the choices he makes. He's had his hook for centuries, he's learned how to work with it and around it. But for the date, the internalized ableism got the better of him, and he thought in order to be a better man, and the man she deserved, he needed to be 'whole.' Which is IMMeDIATELY disproved when she doesn't even realize he had his hand until its pointed out, and also doesn't notice its a hook again later because she loves HIM she sees HIM. Those outward shifts and changes are not important. She notices his clothing change because it represents so much more about him embracing this weird strange land and showing he's sticking around. But his hook? Well thats just part of him that she accepts because its part of him so when he changes it its not something she notices. (sorry, i have a LOT of feelings about this episode) And then the whole darkness inside him and the hand and him being a villain and being afraid of losing his happy ending. 4b is weak we all know that, but the emotions of it are so strong. "Don't you know Emma? It's you." MY GUYYYYYY. The kisses we got this season, the emotional leaps and bounds. Him admitting having her in his life is what keeps him on the side of the heroes. Him saying he hopes its his job to protect her heart even when no one is actively trying to steal it. Her discovering more about her past and really starting to share her history with someone, showing her past and being vulnerable with someone and allowing them to scale the fortress she's put up to protect herself. Learning that someone is there begging to be let in, and isn't going away, and even when she ignores him he says basically that he's not deterred so easily, she's worth it, he recognizes that, and he'll just wait patiently for her to be ready. He will always put her first. Will put her family first. Often at the expense of himself.

Now season 5. Look. Do I think its strong? No. It's some of the saddest writing (season 6 is the worst in my opinion) in that it had SO MUCH POTENTIAL. But it Never delivers it. Season 4 was their love story, so there's no need to focus so heavily on them in season 5, sometimes having them not even interact in scenes that make NO SENSE for them to not interact. Despite the fact that she's just told him she loved him before being taken over by the darkness and saying she trusts him to be able to reach her and save her. Despite the entire ARC being ABOUT THEM for BOTH HALVES, the actual day to day episode to episode is not about them at all. So little focused on them, on them interacting, on their story. It was such a mess. So much promise with so little delivery. Nothing was allowed to breath, nothing was allowed to sit, no one was allowed to have a single thought to work through what they were going through. He's evil for what? a single episode? and in the middle of it there's this entire hour about a character we don't know, with no one we care about, about something never mentioned again that holds zero bering on ANYTHING that happens or has happened. So much wasted time. I LOVE what 5 could have been. I LOVE the implications, and the shifts in narrative and expectation. I LOVE the discovery and acceptance of their relationship and the confirmations we get. I HATE nothing is ever discussed on screen. Everything is implied to happen off screen "like I told you" Did you tell her when the cameras were off? We're given nothing we should have. Everyone else is just set dressing, and yet have all the focus. Its disjointed and just lazy, and its only saving grace is whoever had the initial idea on the brain storm board and then the acting itself. But damn if this season doesn't give me inspiration.

Finally, season 6.... I'll leave at saying when its good, its great. All three singular scenes that are good. There's no follow through from whats already happened to these characters. There's no acknowledgment of their past selves, their past experiences. Hook is GENUINELY shocked that Emma understands why he didn't toss the shears knowing she'd hate him for doing 'the one thing that could save her' WHEN THAT WAS THE ENTIRE CLIMAX OF 5A!

All of this to say, I guess 3?

[humanpurposes]

@aspen-carter started this and I wanna do it too :)

Get to know the writer.

Pen name(s): Now realising I don't really have one? I'm lolololola on ao3 but that's only because i was listening to the song by The Kinks.

Age: 21

College/university degree(s): 1 month from finishing my undergrad in Politics and IR with History.

Favorite book growing up: Anything by Roald Dahl but my favourites were Matilda and The Witches, and the Narnia books by CS Lewis.

First “grown-up” book you remember reading: The White Queen by Phillipa Gregory.

Favorite novel(s): The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald, The Kind Worth Killing by Peter Swanson and Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel.

Favorite published writer(s): Neil Gaiman, Jane Austen and Hilary Mantel.

Favorite book(s) of poetry: Not a big poetry fan but I do love a bit of John Keats.

Favorite "children's book"(s): The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien.

Favorite movie/show adaptation(s): The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Dracula (1992) and Wolf Hall (2015).

What do you listen to when you write? Maestro Djawadi ofc, HotD and GoT soundtracks, actually there's this edit on Youtube of a few different Targaryen themes, would highly recommend that. I also like to make my own playlists for different works or characters, which usually feature a lot of Hozier, Ethel Cain and Lana Del Rey. But also, I get distracted really easily so if I’m trying to concentrate just silence, or the intro of Genesis by Grimes slowed on a 20 min loop (that’s not a joke).

What do you drink when you write? Nothing in particular, water, iced coffee, iced tea, anything with lots of ice apparently. Actually I chew gum a lot when I write.

Your favorite piece that you've ever written: I’m far from a magnum opus but I love the first chapter of Karma is a God and Chapter 3 of Our Souls are Bound (which is a huge shame because I’ve almost abandoned that fic whoops). And My Heart Belongs to Daddy has been so fun to work on.

Favorite fanfiction you've read recently: Currently in love with Now I'm Covered in You by @inthedayswhenlandswerefew, The Seamstress and the Sailor by @assortedseaglass, Heaven Knows (I'm not getting over you) by @lightningandfireinmybones and anything by @squirmhoney.

no pressure tags: @blackdreamspeaks @babygirlyofthevale @xfancyuu @eyelinerandcigarettes @bouncehousedemons and anyone who wants to do it too! tag me i'm nosy af

[bananamarshmallowz]

Good Omens because duhh

Listening to playlists aren't really helping but I'm doing it anyway. Here are some songs that are completely linked to them now because I said so and these aren't in any particular order, sorry lol

I'm In Love With My Car by Queen Sway by Michael Bublé No Time to Die by Billie Eillish Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen Love of My Life by Queen Heaven Can Wait by Dean Martin Everyday by Buddy Holly Eden by Hozier Earth Angel by The Penguins Levitating by Dua Lipa Killer Queen by Queen Les Yeux Noirs by Pomplamoose Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Ray - If you don't already know, there's a strike going on because actors and show writers aren't getting paid well enough (as far as I understand) So how to boost/help season 3 is by watching both seasons over and over again so the watch numbers go up. You can rate the seasons, that way the rating goes up and they can see how much we love it. You could write a physical letter (and or email) and send it to P.O. Box 81226, Seattle, WA 98108-1226, cs-reply@amazon.com  - Have a lovely day :)

[noahreids]

50 questions, five Rounds, four best friends, three glorious weeks of being crowned quiz savior -- and two blue eyes to suddenly make trivia night a lot more interesting. Is flirting with the competition allowed? Emma Swan is about to find out if she is up to the challenge and Killian Jones has every intention of winning, (and not just at trivia). 

A little cs au idea for my first submission for @csseptembersunshine thx for this awesome event! ♥ 

[meanderingcaptainswanmusings]

So I loved Lana’s (high-seas-swan) CSBB contribution so much that I thought I would gift her with this art that I came up with. Stay tuned for a second piece that I also made!

Summary: Confronted with the sudden appearance of her birth parents, Emma, in a moment of panic, runs. She flees the diner, Storybrooke, the country. She finds herself a day later in the Dublin, Ireland Airport terminal wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into. With some fear, a little determination and a considerable amount of faking it along the way, she sets off on a trip she never planned on taking but needed more than she ever knew. She finds herself, she finds a Brit adrift on his own journey and finds out what home really means.

Rated: M

Also on: AO3 | FFN

Tumblr: [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 ]

[secondhandnewsradio]

SHN INTERVIEW: Rachel Bochner

by Claire Silverman

Rachel Bochner is a singer/songwriter based in New York City. Her career in the music industry began with an A&R internship at a record label, and it was there that she realized her true passion for creating and sharing her own music. Her passion lies in making pop music that resonates with people through the good, the bad, the lighthearted, and the heavy.

CS: Congrats on the release of your song “hating myself in the summer!”

RB: Thank you so much!

CS: The song feels like a song that so many people, especially young girls, can relate to a lot. What initially prompted you to write this song?

RB: I actually started writing this song back in October, so it wasn't written in the summertime. But the phrase in the chorus “I'm tired of hitting myself in the summer” is kind of what sparked the song as a whole. And like you said, it's something that a lot of people, especially young women can relate to. I think it's just something that I have always struggled with for as long as I can remember. There are periods in my life where I noticed, at events or seasons, that I'm feeling particularly self-conscious, and summer is definitely one of those times. There’s this push and pull of “I want to be enjoying myself, and I just want to exist and not be worrying about this,” but there's also a pressure that “okay, my friends are all going to the beach, and I don't love how I'm looking in this bathing suit, and now that's consuming my mind,” and it's a really exhausting thing to worry about. Also as I've gotten older, it’s become so much more apparent that it's not something that actually matters, and it's not something that I should be basing my worth on. So the song is about coming to that realization.

CS: One thing I like about this song is that it's you and yourself, but also it’s you speaking to a lot of people. I appreciate that this song is a pop song, and it's a really good pop song, but it's not about a love story, which is something I really like. I've noticed this type of theme in some of your other songs too. Could you tell me a bit about what kind of messages are you interested in writing about, and what's important to you and your songwriting overall?

RB: It's funny that you say that because this song is on a project that is a collection of songs that are all not love songs. I think, for this project, I wanted it to be exactly that — my thought process and things that I'm feeling and what I'm going through but not really about another person. I do love a love song, and I love the last EP that I put out that had this story of one relationship not working out and like coming into a new one that feels better and more authentic. So I felt like I got that off my chest for a bit. I started with “how am I feeling?: And “what are the things that I am struggling with?” And what are things that I think that other people who are around my age, so high school through mid to late 20s, can relate to? I love being able to write something that feels really personal to me, but when someone listens to it, they might have a completely different life experience and still be able to place themselves in that song.

photo: Sasha Bellentine

CS: Who are the artists that you feel have really influenced you and your songwriting?

RB: I am definitely influenced by a lot of different artists. Some longer-term inspirations for me are Julia Michaels, Maggie Rogers, and Lana Del Rey. I think Julia Michaels’ writing is the kind of pop music that I am really drawn to,  where sonically it’s a bop, but lyrically, you can read into it and it’s a thought-provoking song. Recently I've really been loving Conan Gray. Also, Sasha Sloane is great. I always feel overwhelmed when I'm asked this question because I feel like I need to list everyone. And I also love Taylor Swift. She consistently blows my mind.

CS: I love that. One of the coolest things that I’ve noticed from speaking with female artists around our age is that literally almost every single one of them has been deeply influenced by Taylor Swift. She has really helped create this next generation of songwriters. It's so cool.

RB: And I also love Lorde so much, but I feel like people always kind of name Lorde as their inspiration.

photo: Alex Lyon

CS: So how did you get started in the industry? What made you realize that music was what you wanted to pursue?

RB: I have always loved music. I've always been a singer, for as long as I can remember. But I didn't really start writing and working on my own music until later on. I think part of that was being a little bit afraid of failure. The part of me that wanted to do that got overshadowed by the part of me that was afraid of being bad at it. But I actually started seriously writing during the summer of 2018, which is weirdly recent. For a while, I thought I wanted to work at a label, so I interned at a record label that summer of 2018. I was doing A&R and was listening to new music every single day and looking for new artists. That’s when it clicked for me that I loved writing and I wanted to be sharing my own music. From that point on, I've been focusing on finding my network of people to be making music.

CS: As I was getting ready for this interview, I was listening to your EP 2 AM again, and I wanted to ask you about that EP as well, specifically, your song Ultraviolet. What was the story behind that song?

RB: Ultraviolet was written at the end of last summer, so we were deep in COVID times. From not being able to see people and just having so much time to sit with my own thoughts, I started to understand things about myself that I hadn't previously ever even thought about. I needed an outlet for thinking about that and processing the questions and realizations I was having about my sexuality. Naturally, I wrote a song about it. It created this space for me to explore everything that I was thinking about given the circumstances.

CS: You mentioned earlier with that EP that there was a big emphasis on the storytelling aspect of your songs. Can you talk a little bit about that, and, and the process of that EP, and putting out an EP in a time where playing concerts can’t be a part of a release.

RB: Since I started releasing music right before COVID, I’ve never really lived in a world where playing shows is a part of the release strategy. I'm excited for that to be a thing. In terms of the storytelling, the songs on the EP weren't actually written in the order that they appear on the tracklist. Afterwards, I figured out how they made sense to me, which was fun. Something I like to do in my writing is pull from experiences and emotions that I have personally felt, but also using fiction and applying an emotion that I have actually experienced and I can speak to, but in a different situation. I think as a songwriter it is really important to be able to open yourself up beyond what you've experienced firsthand, and still be able to make it sound genuine and have it resonate with people.

CS: Do you have any news you can share with us? Any exciting things coming up in the future?

RB: Definitely. I have new music on the way [Rachel’s new single “ghosted my therapist” is out now]. I won't say too much, but there's a little easter egg in the music video for “hating myself in the summer.” It's cryptic, but it'll make sense eventually.

CS: Is this the Taylor Swift fan in you putting easter eggs in your videos?

RB: Oh 100% yes.

CS: Can you give us a few recommendations to end with? What are the songs you've been listening to recently?

RB: Conan Gray recently put out a song called “People Watching” and it's so good, it was co-written by Julia Michaels as well, and she’s one of my favorites. There's a song that I literally cannot stop playing and it destroys me emotionally but I am obsessed with it. It's called “I Can't Wait to Be British” by Carol Ades. If you're looking for a song to cry to, that's a really good one. I’ve also been listening to a lot of JP Saxe lately. I'm actively not sad, but I love listening to sad music right now.

CS: It was really nice to meet you, and I'm looking forward to hearing your new music!

RB: Thank you!

[gch1995]

Popular opinion: The real canon OUAT “officially” ended with “Going Home,” and everything that came after that was an incredibly painful bullshit crack!fic soap opera on screen for the next four-and-a-half years that most of us kept trying to distance ourselves from in favor of OUAT fanon because the writing on the actual show totally fucked over all of our favorite main characters in one way or another after 3x11, and nothing about it felt truly satisfying after Emma crossed the townline with Henry.

[celticheartedfangirl]

My OUAT Rewatch -- S5E11 -- Swan Song

Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive

Me getting through this episode . . . . . . . 

So . . . . this is gonna be LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.  I have time, I have opinions, and I’m not holding back.  Under the cut for length and just a heads up there WILL BE BELLE CRITICISM UNDER HERE.  When I get to that point I will strike out all of the Belle critical stuff like this.  It doesn’t mean I don’t MEAN IT -- I just want to give those who can’t handle Belle being dragged the opportunity to easily bypass that section.  

Are we ready?

Me AFTER I watched this episode, BTW . . . . . . 

So, honestly, as has been the case since this arc crap started, this is a rushed, sloppy, choppy, hacked up episode with a bunch of shit going on, it’s clearly a hot mess of shit, there are OBVIOUS deleted scenes we never saw and never WILL see, and I can totally understand why so many just flat out noped the fuck out of this show at this point.  Because it really is NOT enjoyable and frankly, even knowing what comes, it still makes me stabby.  

But I have to find a way of plodding through this here, so let’s do a point by point order of things, in no particular order:

1.  So Hook murdered his dad and left his little brother an orphan.  Whatta guy!  Honestly, here’s the thing -- all the anti-Rumple folk bitch about how many people he killed, and really I don’t think his body count is higher than Hook’s.  Rumple kills when he’s pissed off, and almost always in a heat of the moment thing (see: Milah, the dudes that used to bully him as a spinner, Tamara).  He doesn’t just go off killing to kill for thrills and funsies and murder trinkets.  Hook has admitted ON SCREEN to killing dozens -- and this was as a mortal with no dark curse whispering in his ear 24/7.  What’s HIS excuse?  

2.  OMG, Emma really just got completely destroyed at this point, didn’t she.  I found a VERY GOOD meta on the destruction of Emma Swan and why CS is such utter bullshit so I thought I’d share it here:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134225913047/lana-ny-swanmills-cs-is-literally-so-terrible

3.  Slight fun side note -- DON’S Mess with OQ, yo!  

From the OFFICIAL Once Upon a Time Twitter!  Happy Endgins!  

Okay where was I . . . . this is what happens when I scroll through late 2015 me . . . ahem . . . 

4.  This would have been the perfect way to keep Zee the fuck off the show forever.  Just saying . . . . . . 

5.  Side note 2: some fun times with December 2015 me live blogging this shitfest . . . . . 

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134695062042/any-wagers-on-them-cutting-that-scene-of-belle

Yup . . . they cut it . . . shocking, right?

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134695563322/so-hold-up

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134694787487/that-was-literally-the-worst-writing-ive-seen

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134704968232/rumple-moving-the-darkness-didnt-even-make-sense

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135222506932/friendly-reminder-that-killian-was-a-dead-man

6.  Post-episode Adam Horowitz being an absolute DICK to fans on Twitter -- just follow our vision, FUCK your vision, you hack! (Bonus points for a hijacking of this post by some asshole CS fan):

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134802058737/rumplegasm-mybittersweetblasphemy

7.  The AMY MANSON saga:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/134756133022/amy-manson-deleted-her-retweets-of-ouat-negativity

There are also BTS somewhere of Merida marching Arthur out of Storybrooke that were filmed for this episode.  Remember . . . at the end of The Bear King, Merida promised she was coming for Arthur.  Did that ever happen?  Of course not.  HACKS.  Also Amy did PRESS for this episode and so it’s clear they never even TOLD HER that her scenes for this episode were CUT.  So there’s also that.  HACKS. 

8.  Check out the Lily Sparks review of this episode because it is EVERYTHING:

http://www.tv.com/news/once-upon-a-time-swan-song-review-headed-to-hell-in-a-handbasket-144942941967/

I want to point out specifically, on page 3, what she says about Rumple taking back the Dark One powers:

And then Emma heard all the Parseltongue and followed the sounds to the pawnshop and Rumple was like, "LOL okay you got me, I totally performed a quick spell that somehow cleaved apart the Excalibur and became the Dark One because eff everybody invested in my character. I essentially have a multiple-personality disorder and no one on the writing staff gave me the memo about not trying to convey a genuine struggle while I was playing Rumple these last three years." I'm sorry but this twist was so lazy it infuriated me. I can't believe that shit made it out of a first draft, let alone through studio and network notes.

Which, sadly . . . . . . brings me to Belle and Rumbelle.

9. Belle’s theme song:

Yeah, it’s not gonna get better from here . . . . 

So damn . . . . Belle really was kind of a bitch in this episode, huh?  I mean . . . . at the TIME I was happy for the hugs and kisses and sex but watching it again just . . . DAMN . . . . . 

Also, “For the first time ever you were selfless” GTFO of here!!!!!

For the first time EVER????  GTFO, what kind of shit writing is this???  How did Emilie even deliver that garbage fire of a line with a straight face, and how did Bobby even react to it without a lot of cursing?  Or maybe he did.  We do know that they wanted Rumbelle to bang on the bed in the shop and Bobby put his foot down on that one and they literally created a bedroom set for that 30 second scene because Bobby wasn’t gonna have them film the post-coital scene in the shop.  

So yay for Bobby?  

10.  I wrote this post regarding this episode IN DEFENSE OF RUMPLE -- still stand by every word (there is Belle dragging and I mean DRAGGING in this post -- you’ve been warned):

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/177022910487/in-defense-of-rumpelstiltskin-in-s5e11

11.  In closing -- A SUMMARY:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135191267572/summary-of-ouat-finale

Here have some fan art:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135246399887/retrogrlfan-there-is-no-reason-for-this

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/135223382862/retrogrlfan-more-pink-rumple

Points tally:

40 points to start

20 points for 2 Rumbelle hugs

20 points for 2 Rumbelle kisses

5 points for Swan Queen

20 points deducted for BOTH OOC Belle and Rumple nonsense

10 points deducted for Hook & Zelena

Full 25 deducted and I want to give bonus for the Rumbelle sex but . . . . this episode just doesn’t deserve it.  

Total points: 30

Moving on .  . . are we ready?

Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!

[killian-whump]

I know you weren't a big fan of s6, so if you could rewrite it, what would you change?

Everything.

No, I’m kidding. I mean, there were some things I liked about S6 and would definitely keep around. I thought the S5 finale set everything up for S6 really well. I was excited for the Land of Untold Stories, and all the tales that were hinted at in the scenes that took place there, and I love Regina, especially when she’s the Evil Queen in flashbacks, so I was all amped up for the dual Reginas storyline. S6 looked great from that point.

Then it all went to shit.

The Evil Queen thing was SO over-the-top, and Lana was playing her in a campy and ridiculous way that didn’t appeal to me at all. In hindsight, I can see that they were trying to keep her “redeemable” and play up the whole “still Regina, even as the Evil Queen” thing for the storyline resolution, so they needed her to only be quasi-evil instead of evil-evil. Okay, fair enough, but it was still super disappointing and even downright cringey, and I will never forgive them for turning one of my favorite parts of the show into a circus act. Honestly, if they weren’t going to do the Evil Queen justice, I would’ve rather they hadn’t gone anywhere near her. So that would be change #1: Drop the camp or drop that storyline entirely.

And they could’ve dropped it entirely. That exciting land of Untold Stories they teased us with in the S5 finale was... a let-down. Yes, we got Jekyll and Hyde and Captain Nemo... but the Aladdin stuff they gave us was more fairytale than literary classic, and wtf was up with the ridiculous one-off shit like the Count of Monte Cristo? There were SO many classics they could’ve visited, and greater detail they could’ve gone into with the ones they DID visit... and the Land of Untold Stories was so COOL looking, with its wild mix of architecture and dirigibles and steampunk style. WHY would you create such a fantastical and fun-looking world, and then take everyone from that world and put them in OUR boring ass world? S6 should’ve taken place IN the Land of Untold Stories and brought us a lot more fresh takes and characters from that land than the pittance we got. AND MORE STEAMPUNK, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

I’m also still angry that they teased me with an asylum plot in the press before the S5 finale, then gave me a taste of it IN that finale... and then ripped it from my greedy, hot little hands. They didn’t even put Killian Jones in a straitjacket while they were there. What the fuck, guys? Who does that? That man was born to be put into a straitjacket for my enjoyment and you had him RIGHT THERE and even put someone in a straitjacket, but it was the wrong fucking someone. Had S6 stayed in the Land of Untold Stories, we could’ve had untold opportunities for more asylum whump, and they could’ve put Killian in a straitjacket and made all of my dreams come true.

And why the SHIT did they actually kill off Hyde when Sam Witwer was the best thing to happen to that show since Colin, himself?! I mean, yeah, the Jekyll and Hyde storyline was probably planned from the get-go to end in their deaths, but when you see what a complete GEM Hyde is, what with his penchant for the Evil Queen’s cooking and his ridiculously awesome facial expressions and his dashing dapper-do and Sam Fucking Witwer’s everything... change whatever the fuck you need to change to somehow keep this man on your show. And then they even went and full-on made this man redeemable and gave him a heartbreaking backstory right before they killed him. Like, fuck you? Seriously. Fuck everyone for that one. I will never forgive them for killing Hyde.

Okay. Moving on from my general complaints, we come to my Killian-specific complaints. And there’s a lot of them. S6 did that character SO wrong SO many times... I really just want to take it out back and beat the shit out of it.

For starters, his relationships were ALL thrown in the shitcan. It was like S3-S5 just never happened and he was right back to Square One with everyone, being that dastardly pirate that can’t be trusted and that no one could ever care about. People who clearly cared enough about him to go to the fucking Underworld for him in S5 were suddenly calling him a pirate like it’s a foul word, and blatantly telling him he’s not good enough to be part of the family. Yeah, I get it, they wanted some dramatic negativity before showing these characters fully accepting and embracing him as part of their clan... but you know what makes for really awesome storytelling? Realistic relationships that grow and evolve over the course of several seasons - which was what they fucking HAD before they threw them all in the shitter for fake “developments” that had already happened. And FYI, Henry was actually nastier to Killian in the beginning of 6x06 than he was during the Spell of Shattered Sight. Like, did no one at the writers table even pause in their pursuit of drama long enough to realize that if Henry really ever had that much animosity towards Killian, it would’ve come out THEN? Or, you know, at any point in the course of the last four seasons?!

And it goes without saying: I would never, ever, ever have had Killian be the murderer of David’s father. Or, at the very least, I would’ve never had the murder go down the way they showed it in the flashback. Have it be an accidental death. Have it be a pirate duel. Have it be anything but cold-blooded murder. First of all, it’s just not believable that David could forgive him so easily and so quickly for depriving him of a loving father for no fucking reason. Secondly, they spend four whole seasons showing us flashbacks of a pirate with a deeply-buried heart of gold, who kept wanting to make the right decisions... but ended up making the wrong ones time and time again. They never showed us, before this ridiculously cheap dramatic ploy, a man who willfully murdered people just for shits and giggles. Finally, Killian Jones is a motherfucking pirate. Stealing from the King is par for the course, but the whole “Dead men tell no tales” thing makes ZERO sense. Pirates thrive by striking FEAR into the hearts of their enemies, and you don’t get a solid reputation for being a cut-throat villain to be feared by literally killing off all the witnesses to your evil deeds. Pirates are like, one step short of going “BEHOLD! It is I, Captain PirateGuy, here to steal your gold and seduce your ladies! Be sure to tell all your friends and neighbors about this when we’re through.” So... yeah. Way to throw a completely nonsensical spanner in the works that makes literally NO sense and flies in the face of everything else you’ve said and shown about this character in the past. It’s shit, and I refuse to accept it, and they should be sorry for its very existence.

And then there’s Captain Swan. *sigh* This relationship fell prey to the same shit that ALL of Killian’s relationships were destroyed by throughout S6. Only it was much, much worse here - because this is supposed to be (and has been!) his closest, most important relationship. And yet... We see Emma blow him off and then lie right to his face in the very first episode. Then she lies some more in each of the next few episodes, and when her lies are finally revealed, she doesn’t even seem to give a shit about the trust she’s betrayed or the hurt she’s caused. And the fact that they even filmed that deleted scene with Emma giving Killian a flippant “I said I was sorry...” just shows how fucking tone-deaf those writers were. If someone lies to your face, repeatedly, over something of life-or-death importance and for a lengthy period of time, then basically gives you a “I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?” twenty minutes after their lies are revealed, because you’re still sore about it... get the FUCK out of that relationship immediately, because that person does not give two shits about you.

Things only got worse when she snooped through his belongings, pushed him to propose on her terms and when she wanted him to (despite the fact that he was clearly drunk and troubled by something at the time), called off their engagement when he dared to keep something from her (despite the fact that she’d just recently spent weeks lying right to his face), believed that he would just abandon her completely despite everything they’d been through, lied to him again right before their wedding in the course of once again shutting him out and not letting him help her with something (even though that’s literally the EXACT reason she ended their engagement when HE was the one doing it)... I mean, come on. That is NOT the CS I signed up for, and I refuse to accept it as the CS that is my OTP.

Hence, the Dark Emma explanation was born in my head. And when it comes to changes to S6... I’d either completely re-write about 90% of S6′s CS storylines... or make my Dark Emma theory a reality. The theory is as such: Since Emma did not die in 5x11, but merely had her Darkness sucked into Killian/Excaliber before HE died... some residual darkness remained in her. Nothing much was seen/noticed in 5b (though Killian DID make a comment about her not sleeping...) because she was too focused on saving Killian. However, once she was back home, safe and sound with her man, the Darkness started showing itself. She lied to those she loved. She made uncharacteristically selfish decisions. She hurt people. She eschewed all she’d learned about letting others in and getting help from the people who love her. And it wasn’t until her literal and figurative death at Gideon’s hands that the Darkness was truly eradicated from her - and only THEN could she truly find her Happy Beginning.

Oh, and by the way, I also hate the writers for even HAVING Killian walk to the docks with a packed bag and even consider boarding the Nautilus and leaving town. No. Just... no. Having him even CONSIDER doing that is even worse than having Emma believe he WOULD do such a thing to her. It’s like they got the S6 writers out of a Cracker Jack box and not a single one had ever watched an episode of the show or seen this couple before in their lives. Their whole fucking SCHTICK is that he would NEVER abandon her, that he would follow her to the end of the world or time itself... and that, despite a lifetime of fears and abandonment issues, Emma Swan has come to TRUST that he would never leave her. YOU CAN’T JUST GO “LOL, THAT’S NOT TRUE NOW” AND EXPECT ME TO ACCEPT THAT SHIT. No. Fuck you. Fuck your entire season AND the boat it rode in on. Just... fuck, man. FUCK.

The wedding was nice, though. I loved the musical aspect. Everyone did great in it. It was a truly lovely episode in almost every way, although I didn’t care for Emma’s dress and especially not her hairdo. It was too stark, too severe, but somehow too fancy at the same time... and it seemed more Jen Morrison than Emma Swan to me. Other than that, though, it was lovely. Everyone looked lovely. The singing was lovely. The vows were lovely. Shame about the whirling black vortex of doom, though.

Speaking of things that suck, I would also like to set that fucking doily shirt that Emma wore in 6x17 on fucking fire. And she actually DARED to rescue my man in that atrocity. Did she not realize I would need to SEE that shitty article of clothing every time I admired that dashing rescue? Did no one think of the KWs of the world who would suffer from this fashion faux pas?!?!

Oh, and I hate that they literally had Emma burn Killian’s image in the curse and not have any kind of recollection. I mean, I get that they wanted Henry to make her believe, and the way they got him to do that was cute, but did they HAVE to show Emma looking at Killian’s picture burning in the fire and being like, “Eh, he might ring a bell, but not enough to bother thinking about for more than a second or anything.” I could’ve done without that scene, honestly, because it just comes off like, “This love isn’t strong enough to break through this curse!” and EXCUSE ME, but where’s the fucking fun in that? Haven’t any of those bitches ever read a goddamn fanfic?! LOVE BREAKING THROUGH A CURSE IS ALL THE RAGE, GUYS. That’s the kind of shit we like to read and see in our OTPs. What’s with this “Eh, let that handsome fucker on page 172 burn” shit??

Oh, but that scene where Fiona serves the charred remains of the book to Henry on a platter would need to stay. That shit was stone cold savage. That bitch came to play, and that scene straight up told you that she was NOT going to be sitting at anyone’s Thanksgiving table next year, asking someone to pass the potatoes like she was just named People Magazine’s Redeemed Villain of the Year or something. She meant business.

Finally, I think I would’ve ended the show with the S6 finale. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed S7 and I loved KnightRook and Wish Hook and all the excellent Colin content we got that year... but in hindsight, the Hail Mary play of rebooting the series really just didn’t work, and S7 ended up as the “extra chapter” the series itself didn’t need. It’s not that I would want to give up the awesomeness of what we had... It’s just that I feel like if we hadn’t had it, we’d be unaware of what we were missing out on anyway, but the series as a whole would’ve maintained more of its impact and dignity.

But then, we were blessed with Wish Hook and the wonders of S7 Hooked Queen, so... :D I mean, coulda shoulda woulda, I’ve got ‘em now and you can’t take that away from meeee...

[mclover666]

A&E Don't Care About Little Details That R Really Important... They Focused On A Pirate W A Weak Cheap Story N Destroyed Characters On The Way Just 2 Make Him Happy N Like An Spoiled Kid Obtained What He Wanted No Matter What.... Not Sure If Was At The ComiCon In San Diego Someone Ask About David's Wedding Ring... They Ask Y He Wore 1 When He Was W Katrine But He Didn't When The Curse Broke.... Haven't Watch The Show In A While But When They Released The Wedding Pics Charming Is Wearing His Ring.... Like Ups We Forgot 4 Like Few Season About The Ring N Now Since Someone Pointed Out N They Didn't Have A Fucking Idea Y He Wasn't Wearing 1, Now Is A Good Time U Actually Wear One Since Is Emma's Funeral Ups I Mean Wedding

[jade4813]

Do you think things won't fully be right until DP leaves the show just like Mack left Smallville? That time period without her really let Clois/Lois breathe. It shouldn't have to be that way with The Flash though. TPTB know by now what hurts the show and what makes it work. Unfortunately, I think they not only coddle CS/KF, but the actress too when she has no impact whatsoever in Flash family comic canon.

I get what you’re saying and I had to sit back and think about it a bit. But honestly? No. I don’t think it’s quite the same. It’s not like DP is getting stuff we wish we were getting with and for Iris. She’s just getting screen time some wish she didn’t have.

Mack was a bit of an odd situation because I think a lot of that was hubris, I think. They were so proud that they’d written a character that fans were telling them was better than the original, iconic characters - the characters they ADMITTED they found boring (Clark) and/or made it clear they couldn’t imagine why anyone would prefer over the Lana they deemed to be the “perfect woman.”

So I think the thing with Mack was that Chloe stroked their egos as much as anything. They could look at her and be like “oh, WE made this character that’s so much more iconic than the characters that have been around for decades.” Of course, she’d largely be forgotten pretty much immediately when the show ended. But they got an ego stroke.

There was also, I’m sure, the fact that they watched Mack grow up on set (to a degree) and felt like she was “part of the family” and all that. And to a degree, DP may have that, too. She’s been there from the beginning, they like her, etc.

But whereas Smallville PTB made it clear they preferred the ship with Lana (and I think would have ended the show with it if they could because they loved it so much), I don’t think that the Flash PTB prefer another ship to Westallen. It’s just that for years, the people writing the Flash apparently found the main character to be “boring” much as Smallville’s PTB did. How they could run out of stories in 3 years when the comics have existed for decades is beyond me.

So I think it’s not an either/or. It’s not that DP’s presence detracts from CP in a way that wouldn’t happen if she left the show. It isn’t like Smallville locking in Mack’s appearances in S10 before locking in Durance’s contract (as supposedly happened). If you have show runners who find the main character boring or can’t think of stories for him (inexplicably), you’re going to turn your attention to anyone else. Like Frost or Ralph or Wells 57.0 or the villain or Nora...

And if they lost Frost and still were completely stumped for how find a fourth story to tell about their titular character who’s managed to have stories told about him on a monthly basis for many more years than that...well, you’ll just turn your attention to Ralph or Wells 57.0 or the villain or Nora...

So I don’t think it’s QUITE the same, but I definitely understand why you’d ask.

[the-ships-to-rule-them-all]

22!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from Greece to London to Los Angeles, it’s been a year of growth and change and I’m astoundingly grateful for everyone who has been here from the highs and lows and the screaming fangirl fits. thank you for making my life better

my favorite people on the planet, the ones who make my universe brighter just by existing

@goodqueenalys Mere you are one of the smartest most genuine humans I’ve ever met. I am in awe of the way you have nothing but kindness in your heart and that at the same time your spine is pure solid steel. your strength in your convictions, your passion, your willingness to educate, your creativity, the way you listen, the way you care. I am so so glad to call you my friend and to have you by my side.

@blyedeeks SOUL TWIN!!! can you believe that we only met 3 years ago? it feels like we’ve known each other our entire lives. Sometimes you meet someone who can understand you in ways that don’t seem real because they get you on such a deep level. I think I said something like that for the past two years but it’s still so true. And you are the kindest more brilliant star in sky Cams. I truly don’t know where I’d be without you, definitely not as confident or as loud. I love you a lot and I am so blessed to have your kindness and positivity on my side.

@marauders-groupie Lana’s words are spun starlight, she just captures something so instinctively human and tender with her poetry. She’s one of the kindest people in the world and she serves the universe. Oh, and she is determined and dedicated and passionate and she just believes so strongly in the goodness of a single person, in her own value that I can’t help but believe in myself more because of her strength and courage and beauty.

@astranautics Caroline!!! my girl, my wonderful amazing girl. I cannot believe that I was your Tumblr crush. There’s such a softness to your words, a willingness to share and that all too familiar desire to love and be loved in return. the fact that you send me stuff about my hockey boys legit has made me cry because you take such an interest in me and I just I feel so warm when we talk, I love that your life is so wonderful and yet mundane, I love hearing about your day and I love watching you believe in yourself

@koridick BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the amount that I love you is beyond words. You are so passionate and sweet and if I could save your messages when reacting to my poetry to just constantly brighten my day I would because every time I remember how you react I feel so inspired and worthy. I feel like my life isn’t right when I don’t talk to you and I’m so grateful that we both shipped Poly Rangers and got to sharing headcanons and writing fic and you are so talented and wonderful.  Your willingness to put up with my rants and the way you support me and love me is the greatest feeling in the world. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

@sometimesrosy there’s something to be said about having someone who has lived a life believe in you. I feel like I can go to you for anything, Rosy. You are so so smart that sometimes I read your answers and it takes me a minute to reorient myself.

@everybodyknows-everybodydies I’m so utterly proud of the person I’ve seen you becoming over the past year. You are so talented, so talented and you are so tiny and cute that sometimes I can’t believe how much passion you have in your body. Your art, your convictions, your passion, it’s so beautiful to see and I love you so so much

@thesnowyswan my darling Rae!!!! you have made me a so much better writer, a so much better person and I love you so so much. thank you for all your support and encouragement and I love talking any and everything with you. you are such an utter badass and passionate and dedicated

@bishops--knifetrick I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH BABE!!!!! we talk almost every day and I don’t even know what I would do without you! you’re so incredible and beautiful and amazing and truly someone special 

other people who are absolutely incredible and whom I adore so so much

@harpermcintyre (Al, babe thank you for always being kind and generous) @scodelariokaya (Nik is brilliant and beautiful and she deserves the universe) @wellsjahasghost (Jade is remarkable and funny and her words are spun gold) @mego42 (Meg is one of the smartest, calmest people on this site and she deserves only good things) @wellamyblake (MJ makes me laugh on the daily and her understanding of nuances is only matched by her passion) @thatonekimgirl (Kim!! when we met at HVFF I didn’t think that we’d end up linking back so soon, thank you for dragging me into the spiral that is loving VirtueMoir) @bellamysprincessa (Katie, I love you. I love that you are so supportive and I adore that we always seem to watch the same shows as you scream about something in the chat) @head-and-heart (Kate is a gem, a smart supportive gem of a human whose tags I live for) @deadshotbellamy (Grace is a gorgeous girl who has two of the greatest urls I’ve ever seen) @tybowen (Jen is a badass, a beautiful badass but yeah, her best quality is that she is strong in her convictions and passionate about the things she chooses to give her heart to)  @bb-8(Cody, you are so talented and smart and genuine and I love you so much) @montygreen (Leila, you are so talented and wonderful and I love you so much and your gifsets are so beautiful they take my breath away) @ohmypreciousgirl (to think that five years ago your blog was one of the first that I followed, that your passion and intelligence were a reason I even joined Tumblr in the first place, the fact that we are friends is incredible. I’m so grateful to you) @cllarkegriffin (Hannah, you are so incredible and I'm blessed to call you a friend) @clarkegriffintitties (Julia, I love you so much) 

the writers who own my heart, whose ao3 pages I’m constantly refreshing, who make me fall in love with these characters all over again

@deadcatwithaflamethrower (HER WORLDBUILDING IS TO DIE FOR, she just is constantly reinventing the universes that she plays in and reinventing my own opinions of characters by making them so much more complex!!!! she’s just so incredible) @so-caffeinated/ @dust2dust34 (their verse of FICON is one of the most awe-inspiring things I have ever read and it’s funny and sweet and action-packed and so full of family feels. I fangirled so much when I met Bre at HVFF, it was great and I just, they are so talented and I love writing poetry inspired by their writing) @rongasm (Rachel creates such works of art for Stydia and Percabeth and they are tender and touching and I could read the Harry Potter au for the rest of my life) @welllpthisishappening (Laura is a master at creating perfect pieces that I didn’t realize I wanted, she’s so talented and passionate and her stories just cause me to have such a massive grin on my face and she definitely reignited my love of CS) @ink-splotch(creates such masterpieces of Harry Potter and Marvel in terms of character study and what ifs and it’s just, I sometimes read them and cry but also rejoice) @lostcap (Phia’s poetry is pure spun sunshine and steel, there’s such a force to her words as though she is channelling the greek muses and the moment that she named me as one of her favorite tumblr poets is quite possibly one of my greatest accomplishments) @jasonsmclean/ @bipercabeth (have created one of my favorite series EVER, and are worthy of all the praise they’ve ever gotten) 

some other amazing people who have made this year spectacular

@bellameblake @bellsblake @bellblake @asexual-mechanic @apirateslifeforsmee @jahaliel  @molliiholmes @nerdybellamy @prosciuttoe @jbuffyangel @turtlejustice @junebugninja   @missemarissa @rashaka @griffndors @grumpybell @kindclaws @weirwolves @dreamcourtrhys @cath-avery @stydixa @ofnailbatsandaxefives @llysandra @whoeveryoulovethemost @impvlsivee @stilesprefers-screamers @readymachine @bellarketm ​ @warriorsaralance

thank you, if you’re reading this, for making my year truly special

[emmievu-blog]

hihi!! i’m lala (they/them pronouns, but i’m not super picky lol), i’m twenty, and i live in pst. i’m an aquarius sun, aries moon, and dumb bitch rising. my muse for this lovely group is emmie; i’ve included a bio-ish thing and some wanted connections below the cut. drop a lil like on this bad boy and i’ll send a message your way, or feel free to come distract me from the hopeless void that is the studying for exams!! i hope you all have a wonderful day/night/existence outside of the notion of time, and i’m very excited to be here and write with you all!!

basics & history

* ↪ lana condor. she/her. cis-female. ╱ i thought i saw emmaline “emmie” vu getting questioned by the police. the twenty-one year old is in their third year at west bridge studying computer science & philosophy. she was at manon’s party because she wanted to drink away her academic stress. do you think they had something to do with her death? + predawn stillness & steam spiraling over coffee & whispers in a quiet room.

born to a relatively well-off family in malibu, ca, emmie grew up in a pretty typical millennial-nuclear family environment, with two loving moms, a younger brother, and a dog. they lived comfortably and happily, though fairly frugally.

emmie was a textbook teen idle; during school hours you were about 283x more likely to find her at the nearest beach or in n out than at school itself. if there was a party, she’d be there. a group project meeting? likely not. (though she would email her portion of the work--she might not have cared, but she wouldn’t do you dirty) frankly, it’s a bit of a miracle she graduated; her school gave her multiple warnings that she wouldn’t be able to walk because of her dismal attendance.

but ultimately, she did graduate, and with surprisingly high grades, at that. she wasn’t valedictorian material, or anything, but she had always been a quick study and a skilled test-taker; she’s one of those infuriating students that can do well without putting in much effort.

honestly, pursuing higher education was more for her moms than herself. if she had it her way, she’d work at a surf shop by the beach, where she’d smoke, read camus, and hit the waves every day. but because of their insistence, she applied around, & that’s how she ended up at wbu as a low-effort philosophy major who was more into partying than studying!!

but then one of her moms got sick with a debilitating illness. emmie considered dropping out, but her mothers insisted on her finishing out school--her mom insisted on see her daughter walk at graduation, even if it was the last thing she did.

that said, between the hospital bills, emmie and her brother’s tuition, and the cost of living in socal, her family came under extreme financial burden. in order to help relieve this, emmie realized that she had to change her own behavior.

so she left the teen idle lifestyle behind. she started taking school much more seriously in order to apply for scholarships, and picked up jobs at the library and at one of the local coffee shops. she added the cs major because she knew she could leverage it into a high-paying job after graduation. it’s been weird for her, this push, but she has to admit that it hasn’t entirely negative.

pretty shitty tho. also it’s kind of strained most of her relationships, to put it lightly.

and that’s what you missed on glee!

hcs & misc. bits

she’s an entj and chaotic good!

highkey a type b imitating a type a lol.

big coffee and tea lover. doesn’t function well socially before noon.

knew manon peripherally; knew manon’s parties better than she knew the girl herself. still, the whole situation has her lightly fucked; she does not??? need the extra worry????????

emmie on manon’s party: “i knew i shouldn’t have gone to that fucking party i fucking knew there would be trouble and now with this fucking page i——“

who want the smoke? emmie lol

wanted connections

(ex?) party friends. they rolled together (take that how you will lol) before emmie’s personality shift at the end of her second year. she’s probably tried to push them away since then, intentionally or not, and almost definitely hasn’t told them the reason behind it. will your muse keep pushing for friendship? will they take the rejection and be salty? the possibilities,, endless. priceless. 

roommates. so this muse probably signed on for a different roommate than they got with emmie. she’s generally pretty chill, but where this muse thought they were gonna get a late-night party animal, they actually got an early-rising workaholic. huh.

coffee shop regulars/co-workers. 

classmates. especially fellow cs majors, because honestly, cs hasn’t come as naturally to em as she’s used to, and it’s Stressing Her Out.

confidant. started off as a bitch-pal, somehow became the only person to know em’s full situation. could be a very close friend, but could also be an acquaintance.

smoking buddies. i mean, emmie has definitely changed, but not that much.

hook-ups/fwb. emmie’s definitely been around the block, but she’s never been in the mental space for a relationship. before, she was disinterested in emotional connection. now, she doesn’t have the time to commit. 

friends???????????????? what r those

ALL THE PLOTS TBH I WAS STALKING THE INTRO TAG AND I’M BIG HEART EYES FOR ALL THE MUSES HERE ALREADY LOL

[noahreids]

Beauty in the Aftermath (CS FF) | 14/14

Summary: Confronted with the sudden appearance of her birth parents, Emma, in a moment of panic, runs. She flees the diner, Storybrooke, the country. She finds herself a day later in the Dublin, Ireland Airport terminal wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into. With some fear, a little determination and a considerable amount of faking it along the way, she sets off on a trip she never planned on taking but needed more than she ever knew. She finds herself, she finds a Brit adrift on his own journey and finds out what home really means.

Rated: M (Sexual content & some Irish whiskey along the way).

Also on: AO3 | FFN Tumblr: [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 ] Art!: Cover | Ch.1 | Ch.3 | Ch.5 | Ch.7 | Ch.9 | Ch.14

A/N: I can’t believe we're here, the final chapter. This has been an absolutely amazing experience, beyond anything I could have ever imagined. And it’s honestly because of everyone that’s read, liked, reblogged, left comments, tweeted and just really simply being awesome amazing people. I know I’ve said it before but I appreciate the heck out of each and every one of you. You have no idea. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I wish I could take each of you out for a Guinness or hot chocolate, your choice ;) xoxo

So much love to everyone at @captainswanbigbang your encouragement, patience and work to put this event on is out of this world. Thank you. Thanks to @shippingtheswann, @imagnifika for amazing collaboration and to @halobxist & @meanderingcaptainswanmusings for everything xo. 

And last but not least, please keep supporting all the other CSBB authors and artists. We are one lucky fandom!

And now will Killian find Emma?

Chapter 14

Emma tightly grasps the arms of her chair, whitening her knuckles and holds on until the tips of her fingers begin to hurt. Her heart pounds wildly in her chest as she turns her head, eyes wide. And there, just across the room stands Anna in all her spirited grandeur, hair damp and frizzing from the rain, cheeks pink and eyes bright with elation, like she’s just come in from a race.

Emma isn’t sure if she wants to throw herself into Anna’s arms or collapse into her chair and cry in relief. She’s momentarily frozen, simply trying to find her voice that is currently nowhere to be found. The how and the why and the do you know where he is are all clamoring hard to come out first that they get stuck in her throat, forcing Emma to remain silent instead, blinking at her friend, a new tear escaping.

“Oh, Emma. It’s okay!”

Anna rushes to her side and grabs hold of her hands.

“Yeah?” she squeaks out her question.

Anna squeezes her fingers and her expression gentles from excitement to understanding.

“So, okay. I promise. Let’s call Killian right now, he’s sporting the same expression you are, although with a little more self-loathing.”

Emma’s face scrunches in confusion.

“But he doesn’t --”

“Have a phone? I know, what a dummy! But listen to this, Kristoff and I were on our way to grab a bite to eat at the Brazen Head, and there was Killian, pacing outside a coffee shop. He was trying to figure out how to connect to the Wi-Fi on the phone he’d just bought, muttering over and over that he must have missed a hostel as he looked for you. So anyway, I run over to him and--”

“Anna,” Emma interrupts, eyes pleading. “Why didn’t you just call me?”

“Uh, we only called you about a thousand times,” she says, shaking her phone in front of Emma’s face.

“What are you talking about? My phone never rang.”

Emma fishes her phone out of her pocket, only to find the screen dark. Her stomach drops. She presses the home button and the dreaded dead battery image flashes across the screen.

“Oh look, here’s Kristoff.”

Kristoff’s grinning face fills Anna’s screen and all Emma wants to do is steal the phone away, she wants to ask more questions, she wants Killian to suddenly appear directly in front of her.

“Kris, are you with Killian? I found her. At Abrahams on Lower Gardiner. You’re where? Oh!”

Emma tries to follow the conversation, she really does, but when she hears that Kristoff is with Killian, all she wants to do is be where he is, now. She frantically stuffs everything back in her pack, unaware Anna has stopped talking or that the front door has opened once again.

She just needs to get to him and everything will be alright. She’s sure of it.

“Anna, you need to tell me where he is.”

She is met with silence.

She looks up to find Anna watching her with that same soft smile. One she doesn’t have time for.

“Swan.”

She drops everything. Her bag lands with a loud thump, falling precariously close to the end table, rattling the tea cup and saucer but she pays no mind because he’s there. Killian is in the lobby, eyes a little wild and hair even wilder. His chest heaves with quick breaths as they stare at each other.

“Killian,” she says with relief, with a small gasp before her feet are moving her across the room. He keeps them both upright when she reaches him, wrapping her arms around his neck, lips meeting in a hard desperate kiss.

His arms come around her, and hold her tightly, as she changes the angle of the kiss, wanting more, breathing him in. She only pulls a breath length away, hands gripping the collar of his jacket, eyes closed, words rushing out.

“How, how did you find me?”

“I’ve been to every hostel in the city, some twice and when I found Anna and K--” his explanation breaks off on a laugh as she peppers his face with kisses.

“You really found me,” her voice comes softer, surprise tinting her words and she watches as he turns pensive, eyes searching hers for the words she isn’t using.

He cups her face, thumb catching fresh tears on her cheeks, gently wiping them away.

“Of course. I will always find you. Did you doubt I would?”

She doesn’t want to say yes, or to admit to all the fears and worries that had threatened to overwhelm her, not when he had been looking for her as frantically as she, but he must have read it as clear as day on her face. He has always teased her about being an open book.  

“Emma, where did you think I went?”

She opens her mouth but how does she explain such a thing? Her grip on his jacket tightens and she tries again to explain that there is a little voice that whispers to her when she is at her most vulnerable. One that tells her she isn’t good enough to keep anyone around for very long, one that tells her she doesn’t deserve him, but the words don’t come. She also wants to tell him how badly she wants to fight that little voice, how she didn’t want it to be true with him.

The front door opens and a group of young women tumble in, carrying with them their giggles and a current of cold air.

Emma shivers, tucking herself against Killian. His hand drops to her back, running up and down.

“Emma, you soaked through, sweetheart. Let’s get you dry.”

She buries her nose into his shirt, breathing in the warm, familiar scent of him.

“I’m fine.”

Another shiver and he tuts in disapproval, and she is grateful for the distraction from his question, for him not pushing it further, for now.

“We have to find a place to stay. They might have rooms here, we can ask,” she whispers as the girls pass and disappear up a staircase, dropping them into silence once again.

“I’ve booked us a hotel, with an ostentatiously large comfortable bed, eternal hot water, and room service. Come on,” he explains, finding her hand against his chest and giving it a squeeze.

“But? Why?”

He shakes his head and leans down to capture her lips in a slow, sure kiss. She chases after his lips when he finally pulls away, and looks up at him with heavy lidded eyes.

“I never want you to wonder where we’ll be sleeping again. We’ll keep it for as long as you want.”

“Killian,” she whispers, a touch of awe.

His lips brush her forehead before dropping her hand and walking over to wear she left her bag. He hikes it onto his back and comes back to join her, lending his hand out to her.

“Let’s set sail, love.”

She grabs on tightly but takes a last glance around.

“Wait, where’s Anna?”

“She slipped out with Kris. We’ll meet up with them tomorrow.”

Emma nods to herself but glances quickly towards the front desk. She finds the clerk, watching her over his book.

“Thank you, so much. Especially for the tea.”

He smiles and nods.

“Any time, the door is always opened.”

She leaves him with a last smile and lets Killian guide them to their hotel, never once letting go of her hand.

xo

The room is only dimly lit by the small bedside lamp, casting a golden glow across the white duvet. The curtains are drawn tight, blocking the outside world from intruding in and muting the late night sounds. The quiet calm, only disrupted by the central air kicking on in a cyclical fashion. Emma takes it all in with long, slow looks and deep even breaths.

She sits crossed-legged in the middle of the king-sized bed, comfortably sinking into plush blankets. Her skin is pink from the hot water, fingers a little wrinkled from the generous amount of time she took in the shower and her hair sits in a messy bun a top her head. She is wrapped in a thick terry cloth robe, practically disappearing into the soft cotton and in no hurry to get dressed.

She spots her bag across the room, slumped on a chair and knows she could find something dry to sleep in but she doesn’t want to. All she wants to do is to crawl under the covers, feel the warmth of Killian’s skin against hers and sleep for days, but that would require Killian being back by her side.

She listens and hears the water still running in the bathroom, he too choosing to luxuriate in the first real shower they’ve had in a long time.

She’d tried to convince him to join her, but for once he stood his ground.

“If you’re in there with me, my mind will only be focused on one thing.”

She’d pouted but followed him into the large bathroom.

“But,” she’d tried but he simply silenced her with kiss.

“Most importantly, we need to warm you up and then we can have a nice chat.”

He turned the water on and the bathroom slowly filled with steam. Satisfied he’d turned and helped rid her of her wet clothes. Each layer he’d peeled away, he’d kissed a new spot. Her shirt came off, a kiss to her shoulder. He knelt while pulling her leggings down, he’d pressed his lips to the jut of her hip, warm breath lingering as he looked up. He’d given her a little amused head shake as she whispered please.

“Come here, just for a second,” she’d tried a new tactic and pulled him up. Her naked self, deliciously pressed to his clothed front.

She’d kissed him hard, feeling him hard. She’d sighed and it had been his turn to shiver.

“Emma,” he’d warned. “This is why,” he’d added, closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath before pulling away and pulling back the shower curtain.

“In you go. I’ll call for room service so it’s here when you get out.”  

She’d finally reluctantly agreed and here she is now, waiting for him.

She spies the plate of goodies besides her and while she really isn’t that hungry, she can’t resist the hot chocolate, a sprinkle of cinnamon still decorating the top of the whipped cream.

And that’s how he finds her, in the middle of the bed, hands wrapped tightly around a mug, mid-sip.

When he hesitates at the edge of the room, clad only in boxer briefs, she finishes her sip and drops the mug on the end table, licking her lips and encouraging him to join her.

It doesn’t take much convincing before he’s pulling the covers back, settling against the headboard and before he can protest or explain why it’s not a good idea, she’s straddling his lap, her shy smile quieting any words of concern.  

Her fingers trace his features, tucking a damp lock of hair behind his ear.

“You’re sure you won’t eat anything?” he asks, eyeing the barely touched plate.

She shakes her head slowly, finger tips running along the shell of his ear, down his neck and resting over his heart.

She likes that it beats just as wildly as hers.

“And you’re warm enough now?” he asks, hand running up under her robe to rest on her thigh.  

A nod.

He gives her a wry smile.

“So am I going to have to guess why you were so surprised I found you? Or was it that I was looking for you at all? Or are you going to tell me?”

Her eyes leave his lips and look up, worried she is going to find a trace of anger or disappointment but what she finds is a smile and patience and something that might be love. She thinks of the words on her postcard.

And thinks it might be time to be a little brave.

“I -- for a moment I thought maybe you left. That you realized what a mess I was. That you’d had enough and it was the perfect out.”

“Emma, I’m not going anywhere.”

She looks for the lie and doesn’t see any.

“We could teach surfing in Doolin and eat fish and chips at that little diner every night,” he offers with a squeeze to her thigh.

“You were terrible at surfing.”

He shrugs, not offended.

“Eh, I was improving by the end.”

That gets a laugh out of her and a thought pops into her head, her own suggestion.

“We could run boat tour in Dingle.”

“And visit with Fungie every day,” he finishes for her, inciting another laugh.

But soon she falls quiet, eyes on her hands in her lap.

“Or,” she starts and stops.

He parts her robe just a bit and rest his warm hand over her frantically beating heart, her next suggestions on the very tip of her tongue.

“Or? Or what, Emma? Your heart is racing. Tell me.”

“Or we could go back to Storybrooke?” she finally asks, voice small, full of nerves, eyes downcast but his hand leaves her heart and trails up her neck, tipping her chin up.

“Okay.”

Emma blinks, the word barely registering. It couldn’t be that easy, could it?

“Just like that?” she asks.

“What did you think I was going to say?”

“You just -- you’ve never mentioned it.”

“Neither have you.”

“Killian.”

“Emma.”

She huffs and attempts to move off but his hand and wrist fall to her hips, keeping her in place.

“You just, you talk of all these exotic and extraordinary places that you’ve already been to and all these new places you want to see. But you’ve never once mentioned anything in the US, never mind Storybrooke.”

Now he does look at her like she’s at least a little crazy, so she forges on.

“I know Storybrooke may not be as glamorous as Rome or Bali or wherever, but I need to go back.”

“Emma, those are all places we can visit someday if we want to, but now? I just assumed I’d be going back with you. Did you not think I would be by your side? I’ll follow you anywhere, if you’ll have me.”

He looks away and seems to contemplate his next words.

“And perhaps I’ve been a little reluctant to talk about leaving because in one way, it means saying goodbye to Liam but--”

“It doesn’t!” she interrupts, cupping his face, passionate, sure of her statement and he smiles, turning his head to kiss her palm. “This is definitely not goodbye. This trip felt like a beginning and he’ll always be with you and any trip we take.”

“Thank you, I hope that’s true but that’s only part of what I need to explain. Perhaps you aren’t the only one with fears, Emma. I’ve quietly held onto my own worries, that you may not want me--” before he can finish his statement she covers his mouth with her hand.

“Take that back.”

And she doesn’t move her hand away until she sees the smile reach his eyes and the rumble of a chuckle in his chest.

“So does that mean you’ll have me?” he asks, hand slipping down to the knot in her robe.  

“Of course.”

His fingers deftly undo the loose knot, warm hand parting her robe further, slipping it off her shoulders to pool around her waist.

“When do we leave?” he asks, moving closer, mouth finally, finally, moving along the curve of her neck, bringing goosebumps in its wake.

“Not right now.”

She feels his smile as his lips reach her jaw and move to her ear.

“How long do we have this room for again?” she asks, her voice grows softer with each press of his lips. She arches as he cups her breast, fingers finding her nipple, teasing, pinching and making her gasp.

“As long as you like.”

“A few days then, just you and me.”

Her hips rock slowly.

And she feels his groan against the curve of her shoulder before he flips them, hovering over her.

“As you wish,” he whispers as she helps him with his boxers, lowering them over his hips.

He moves against her, where she’s wet and aching for him, they both sigh.

“I’m sorry for running,” she whispers, voice tight with emotion.

He shakes his head, before capturing her lips, grounding her.

He pulls back, finding her eyes before sliding home, they both groan.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry. We’re here now, that’s all that matters.”

He pulls out before sliding back, stealing her breath and taking them late into the night, together.

xo

The next few days tumble into a week, and while she would like to say they visited all the sights, explored Dublin, got lost in history and legend, in reality they barely left the room. They rarely got dressed for that matter and it was more than okay.

They did manage to see Anna and Kris once, where Emma pulled Anna aside and thanked her for everything.

And they did get dressed to taste some whiskey at the Jameson Distillery before tumbling back into bed, a little warm, a little drunk and full of laughs that melt into moans.

But catching her breath on her final days in Dublin, Emma thinks that she might remember those days and nights caught up in each other, just as clearly as some of the most beautiful cliffs and ancient castles.

She’ll remember the comfort she felt, waking up each day, knowing there was no end no matter what happened next.

It’s this comfort that allowed her to finally pick up the phone and reach out to David and Mary Margaret. With Killian by her side, nodding encouragingly, it had been easier to not hang up when someone picked up after the first ring. It was his hand in hers that helped her apologize for taking so long to call and when Mary Margaret had protested immediately, telling Emma to take all the time she needed, it was his smile that had her asking if they could and meet and talk when she got back home.

“Any time, any where, anything you need. Oh, thank you, Emma,” Mary Margaret had whispered and Emma had known it was finally time.

They booked their flight the next day.

And as their plane climbs higher and higher into the sky, and Dublin slowly disappears from view, she knows they’ll be back again one day.

“Okay?” he whispers as they reach cruising altitude. Emma casts a last look out the window before pulling down the shade.

“Perfect. Just tired.”

“Sleep then, I’ll be here when you wake.”

She drops her head to his shoulder and does just that.

xo

“So this is where Emma Swan calls home,” Killian says as she lets them into her little apartment, flicking on a light and breathing in the familiar smell. She glances back to him as he drops his bag and kicks off his shoes.

“I think wherever you are is home.”

She says and quickly retreats further into the house, shaky hands holding the flowers that were on her doorstep when they arrived. She had told Mary Margaret and David when they were getting in and they had kindly sent a welcome home gift.

It was surreal. She couldn’t believe things were going this smoothly, that maybe she was allowed to be this lucky.

“Swan, are these all the postcards you wrote?”

His voice is distracted, far away. She freezes as she fills a vase with water but then after a beat she lets out a slow breath.

“Unless someone else was sending me post cards.”

“Will you allow me the honor of reading them?”

She smiles at his words and then thinks of what saying yes would mean.

Should he? So many of her truths are on there. So many words to him. Now that she thinks of it, they weren’t so much postcards as love letters to Killian.

“Now?”

“Mmm,” comes his distracted reply, maybe already glancing at the back. Although she knows if she says no, he’ll drop it. It’s that truth that makes her say yes.  

“Sure, go for it. I’ll just be in my room, second door on the right,” she finally responds, not like he won’t be able to find her in the small space.

She thinks maybe she can unpack, maybe she should shower, maybe -- maybe she can’t do anything until he comes to find her or she hears the front door slam shut after he runs away. She shakes the image right out of her head. She knows he won’t do that but what will he think?

Minutes pass and she settles at the edge of the bed, lying back and letting her legs dangle over the edge. She counts her breaths in an attempt to stay calm. After awhile she hears his quiet footfalls down the hall, until they come to a stop in her room.

“Emma,” he whispers but she can’t bring herself to move. She closes her eyes and he walks in further. She feels him standing at the edge of the bed, knees brushing her bent ones.

“Is it too much?”

She peeks up at him through one eye.

“You’re impossible,” he mutters in the most loving way possible and then he tells her to wait and disappears. She hears him unzip his bag and rummage around.

He comes back, still only her postcards visible in his hand.

“I love all of these. Thank you for letting me see a little glimpse into your thoughts but I have to admit, there is one I like one most of all.”

He holds up the last one, the one holding the words ingrained in her mind. She holds her breath.

“I do, I do,” he echoes the last line to her and she scrambles to sit up.

“You do?” she whispers, her question imbued with hope, with awe.

“I do. I love you too.”

She’s not going to cry again, she not going to -- he tosses the postcards onto the bed, scattering beside her and reaches into his pocket.

“Whoa.”

He smiles indulgently, fingers holding a small black velvet box.

Holy shit.

“Calm down, Swan. I’m not proposing but this is a promise. That it’s you and me, Emma, as long as you’ll have me. I don’t want you to worry about --”

“Yes.”

His words trail off and his eyebrow pops up, a grin she loves so much, pulling at his lips.

“Swan?”

“I’m not worried, not about you. It’s you and me.”

He opens the box and gently removes the ring, and even though it’s not a proposal, when he slips the delicate claddagh ring on her finger, she knows it’s forever.

“I’m so glad you found me.”

“Always.”

“And not just that day in Dublin.”

“I know, Swan and I’m pretty sure you found me too.”

He kisses her again and again, following her onto the bed.

She cups his face, pulling back long enough to make sure she has his attention.

“I love you.”

“And I you.”

She pulls him down again, vowing to never ever let go.

THE END.

---

My goodness. That’s it. 

Thank you for reading, I loved writing these two and thank you for coming along on their journey. 

It’s possible I may write a look into their future because I don’t want to say goodbye but... we’ll see.

Have I said thank you! <3

[darkcolinodonorgasm]

There’s this person I’ve blocked that said people blocked her out of pettiness.

Lemme tell you a little something: it’s not pettiness.

I don’t know how many of you know me on twitter since I don’t have the same nick. In fact, my twitter handle is the same as my pseud on ao3 and ffnet, it’s liliumweiss.

Now, for me, tumblr has always been mostly for graphics, such like manips or gifsets or edits, whatever, not even for fics since I followed authors only on fics sites. Well, long story short: twitter is hell. Sure, it’s much like tumblr, but worse.

I’ve lost count of how many shipwars and fights I was in on twitter, I lost count of how many people I blocked, both anti and CSers because these people felt so entitled they decided some were “true” CSers because they didn’t like Wish Killian or s7 in general. Well, I can be a “true” CSer and love both Wish Killian and CS. Hell, I am.

On tumblr I’ve blocked less people I did on twitter, and, aside from porn bots, 99% of them are either swen or fan of Regina. I’ve always made my thoughts extremely clear on her, on Lana, on swen: I hate it all, it disgusts me, there’s nothing no one can do to change my mind, much like I cannot change theirs. So I stay in my lane, I don’t pick up useless fights, I just have this corner for myself.

Now, this person.

This person I’ve seen on twitter first, I’ve seen the hate they spread on CS and CSers and I simply blocked them. Did I care about their feelings? No. You know why? Because if they were so hard on things and characters and even people I loved, why should I care about how they felt? I needed my safe place, somewhere I could have talks with decent people and make friends, not someone who actively hated on the things I loved and bullied fans. No sir.

The same thing happened here. I don’t know why this person followed me on here, I’ve been brutally honest about my thoughts, leaving people the choice of blocking me or following me still. This person kept following me but honestly I didn’t give it much importance, I didn’t follow them - honestly, I probably didn’t even associate this person to their twitter account, I don’t know, I had more important things to think about at the time.

Fast forward, what, a month later? Two? I don’t remember, I make a post about a certain type of trope I’d love to read more. Now, far from me to force someone to write it, I love it, many don’t or never wrote it. This person writes to me, telling me they have several fics with that trope. Problem is, these are about her ship, not mine.

I’m sorry, what?!

Since they followed me, I thought “what the hell? do they know I hate this person and hate them together?”. Yes, we talked, and what came out of it was this person trying to push me to read things I didn’t want to read outside my otp tag. As if I didn’t already avoid other pairings like the plague.

Ah, please, do not think this is me being against multishipping: I am not. I just don’t do it. I’m not here to tell people what to ship or what to write or what to draw, I’m her to create and read and see content about my faves. If I see something tagged as, I don’t know “hooked utensils” or “hookriel” or “golden hook” or even “worse” ships (in my opinion, ships I absolutely do not want to have anything to do with) I scroll past. I mute the tag. Most of these people, though, are CS shippers, I’m here to see and praise their works about them, or about Killian or Emma. I’m not here to tell them what to do.

I’ll just state it her again: I’m a firm believer of the saying “every version of Killian falls in love wih every version of Emma” - which leaves theories about a Wish Emma (because, since they’ve made the Wishrealm real with a freaking different backstory, there is a Wish Emma somewhere) and Captain Swan 2.0. I hate the name Hope, have always hated it since I entered the fic world back in 2008 and italian fic writers had just all these fics with Mary Sue characters all named, guess what? Hope. It’s a disliking I always had, it is not based on any dislike on Captain Swan, at all. It’s a personal matter, and while I might not like when writers name CS’ daughter Hope in their fics, it doesn’t stop me from enjoying the fic, but it does stop me from commenting under the works and say “noooo, I hate the name, change it!”. I’ll just go with Alice for a CS’ daughter because I feel that’s the “right” name for them to use - and I am one that has been set on Liam as a name for CS’ son since 305 aired so probably only a miracle would change my mind. I do not ship Killian with anyone else because, in my opinion, I wouldn’t want to separate Ariel from Eric or Tiana from Naveen just as much I wouldn’t want Snow to be separated from David or Aurora from Phillip. But I’m not stopping others from creating content about fanon ships, I’m just blocking out tags so I won’t be seeing them and I do not get under these works spreading hate, because I wouldn’t like antis to do the same with my CS content. It’s as simple as it is.

Back to this person, when I finally connected the dots, I realized this person was awful, bot here and on twitter. I blocked her. It was an easy decision, honestly, one I do not regret. It’s not pettiness, it’s the need of protecting myself from more hate thrown at my otp and characters I love just because their ship was never meant to happen. Did I disagree with plot choices? Hell yeah I did, that’s why I’m such a sucker for AUs rather than canon divercences, but I still love both Emma Swan and Killian Jones in all their versions, both separately and together - hell, I love Captain Duckling which sees Emma unlike the one on the show but more or less like the one in the Wish Realm!

As a friend of mine said on her post, I do not want my contentand my name associated to a blog full of hate towards the things I love, things that have a special meaning for me. And because of this, and all the other things mentioned above, this person got blocked.

Honestly, I’ve been blocked by CS blogs with whom I’ve never interacted before, which baffles me, but I’m not going to whine about it because if they did it, they did it for one reason - perhaps they are the “dumb” CS police with a fake crown on their heads and a fake badge, perhaps they aren’t, but if they don’t want to see what I write or do, it’s up to them, I respect their choice.

It’s all about respect, not pettines. And respect goes both ways.

[styledeficit]

28 November - 3 December weeknotes

Monday 28 November

Dream of death and dying. Jolt awake and this time it’s 3 minutes until the alarm goes off. Before I can reset it, the phone insists on telling me about its software update and the primary call to action on every screen is to make an emergency call. Perhaps, when I agreed to the T&Cs last night, I said Apple could read my dreams too.

Lie in the dark until anxiety hits me in the chest like a tennis ball. Feel it in my lungs.

The weather forecast has changed. Last night it said it would rain this morning. Now the icon’s a little crescent moon behind a cloud. Sunrise at 7:38am. Time for a walk. Catch it later.

Tuesday 29 November

We go for wraps again at lunch. I do the same thing as last time: really want a £4 chip wrap but, because I’m a sober grown up, order a halloumi wrap instead. The chip wraps are good (and cheap! They include a lot of good salad!) but they also feel like the kind of food you eat when you’re wasted, waiting for the night bus home. 

Wednesday 30 November

It’s proper spooky in the wood. To start, there’s a thick mist, and autumn has exposed the broken, twisted trees shaped by the various storms over the year. It’s the perfect morning for a mysterious murder. Preferably not mine. Good inspiration for that novel I’m not writing.

The spell is broken, brilliantly, by the absolute unbridled joy of a dog I meet who is having the best time, and, oddly, its owner, who I know from elsewhere.

Thursday 1 December

It’s 3am. Get up to get ready, grab phone, realise it’s 3am, reverse. Do the same at 4 and 6am. 

When I get up for real I feel like I could use some time in a recombobulation area.

On the way home from the office I read Tom Whitwell’s list of 52 things I learned in 2022. On WhatsApp I share facts about egg yolks and fondue with friends who keep chickens and love cheese. We all spend a lot of time making cheese-based puns. 

Friday 2 December

Went to the gym. Listened to a podcast instead of music. I think the guilt in the potential of not moving in time with a fast thrash-metal playlist meant I actually moved faster than usual. Had a sauna. Just me in there and a woman in trainers, leggings, gym top and a waterproof, playing candy crush on her phone. It was very hot.

Saturday 3 December

I read this poem this week and I love it: Poem [Lana Turner has collapsed!]

It was linked in the Guardian article, ‘That orange, it made me so happy’: 50 poems to boost your mood.

I found that article because it includes a selection chosen by Rishi Dastidar and he posted the article on Twitter. And I’ve followed Rishi ever since he came to a user research session we held at MOO. Long time ago. Happy days.