#lady fausto

[random-brushstrokes]

Fausto Zonaro - Dervish cermony (1910)

Fausto Zonaro's masterpiece Dervish ceremony was painted in Turkey, shortly before the artist returned back to Italy in 1910. Istanbul was for Zonaro the place where his artistic style evolved and matured, and the canvases that he painted during these years are probably the most interesting works of his artistic career. Abdülhamid II, Sultan of the Ottoman Empire, was an avid supporter of the arts during his reign and a devoted admirer of Zonaro, whom he chose as his court painter from 1896 to 1909. In this position, Zonaro grew well accustomed to the customs and clothing of the Turks, as well as the true religion essence of the dervishes, represented in this extraordinary painting. Represented in this painting are Elisa Pante, wife of Zonaro, their daughter, probably Mafalda, and the artist himself praying amongst the followers. Watched by European ladies, a seyh of the Rufai order is about to heal several older men, prostrate on the floor, by walking on them. Nearby young girls also wait to be healed. On the left chanting Rufai dervishes include the artist, himself a dervish, fifth from the left. On the right Zonaro has shown, contrary to probability in a Rufai tekke, a Mevlevi dervish playing the neyh or flute. This painting, rich in colour and religious atmosphere, is the most beautiful and important representation of the religious ardour of the dervish people, and is often to be found today in books about them or hung on the walls of their tekkes. (source)

[billboard-hotties-tourney]

The Hot Shots Roster

Hey, everyone! As mentioned, here's the list of the Round One competitors that are vying for the title of the hottest vintage album cover:

AC/DC - High Voltage (European alternate cover)

Anita Ward - Songs of Love

Aretha Franklin - Almighty Fire

Aretha Franklin - La Diva

Aretha Franklin - With Everything I Feel in Me

Art Blakey - The Freedom Rider

Art Van Damme Quintet - Martini Time

Ashford and Simpson - Is It Still Good to Ya

Barbra Streisand - Classic Barbra

Barbra Streisand - Wet

Bee Gees - Main Course

Bee Gees - Spirits Having Flown

Belchior - Todos os Sentidos

Betty Davis - Nasty Gal

Billy Joel - 52nd Street

Billy Joel - The Stranger

Billy Preston - Live European Tour

Bionic Boogie - Tiger Tiger

Blondie - Parallel Lines

Blossom Dearie - Blossom Dearie

Blue Oyster Cult - Blue Oyster Cult

Blue Oyster Cult - Tyranny and Mutation

Bob Dylan and The Band - Before the Flood

Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde

Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited

Bob Dylan - The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan

Bob Thompson, His Chorus, and Orchestra - On the Rocks

Bobbie Gentry - Fancy

Boney M - Love for Sale

Boney M - Take the Heat off Me

Breakwater - Breakwater

Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run

Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town

Bruce Springsteen - The Wild, the Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle

Caetano Veloso - Araca Azul

Carly Simon - Boys in the Trees

Carly Simon - Playing Possum

Carmen Maki - Poems in the Midnight

Carole King - Tapestry

Carole King - Thoroughbred

Chaka Khan - Chaka

Cher - Backstage

Cher - Dark Lady

Cher - Half-Breed

Cher - Prisoner

Cher - Take Me Home

Chic - Chic

Claudio Baglioni - E tu...

Claudio Tellino - Calamo

Cockney Rebel - Love's a Prima Donna

Cockney Rebel - The Human Menagerie

Contortions - Buy

Cream - Disraeli Gears

Crosby, Stills, and Nash - CSN

Crystal Gaye - We Should Be Together

Curtis Mayfield - Do It All Night

Curtis Mayfield - Give, Get, Take, and Have

Dalida - Elle S'appelle Dalida

David Bowie - Aladdin Sane

David Bowie - The Man Who Sold the World

David Bowie - The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust

Deep Purple - Fireball

Deep Purple - Stormbringer

Deep Purple - The Book of Taliesyn

Della Reese - Moody

Dexter Gordon - Our Man in Paris

Diana Ross and Marvin Gaye - Diana and Marvin

Diana Ross - Baby It's Me

Diana Ross - Everything Is Everything

Diana Ross - Ross

Diana Ross - The Boss

Dionne Warwick - The Sensitive Sound of Dionne Warwick

Dolly Parton - Heartbreaker

Dolly Parton - Here You Come Again

Dolly Parton - My Blue Ridge Mountain Boy

Don McLean - Tapestry

Donna Summer - Bad Girls

Donna Summer - Four Seasons of Love

Donna Summer - Live and More

Donna Summer - Love to Love You Baby

Donna Summer - Once Upon a Time

Eartha Kitt - Down to Eartha

Eddie Rabbitt - Loveline

Eddie Rabbitt - Variations

Elton John - Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy

Elton John - Friends

Elvis Presley - Clambake

Emmylou Harris - Elite Hotel

Emmylou Harris - Luxury Liner

Eric Clapton - Backless

Fausto Papetti - 2a Raccolta

Fausto Papetti - La Playa

Fleetwood Mac - Rumours

Four Tops - On Broadway

Foxy - Get Off

Francesco de Gregori - Bufalo Bill

Frank Zappa - Apostrophe

Freddie Hubbard - Hub-Tones

Gal Costa - India

Gary Numan - The Pleasure Principle

Genevieve Waite - Romance Is on the Rise

George Martin - Live and Let Die

Gil Scott-Heron and Brian Jackson - Winter in America

Gina X Performance - Nice Mover

Grace Jones - Portfolio

Harry Belafonte - An Evening With Belafonte

Heart - Dreamboat Annie

Heidi Bruehl - Verliebt wie du und ich

Herb Alpert - Whipped Cream and Other Delights

Iggy Pop - New Values

Ivano Fossati - Good-bye Indiana

Janis Ian - Between the Lines

Janis Joplin - Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits

Jards Macale - Contrastes

Jeff Beck - Blow By Blow

Jim Post - I Love My Life

Jimi Hendrix - Crash Landing

Jimi Hendrix - Electric Ladyland

Jimi Hendrix - Loose Ends

Jimi Hendrix - The Cry of Love

Joan Armatrading - To the Limit

John Barry - You Only Live Twice

Johnny Cash - Orange Blossom Special

Johnny Mathis - Killing Me Softly With Her Song

Judas Priest - Sad Wings of Destiny

Juliane Werding - Ein Schritt weiter

Julie London - About the Blues

Julie London - Julie

Julie London - London by Night

Julie London - Whatever Julie Wants

Jun Fukamachi - Second Phase

Katja Ebstein - Mein Leben ist wie ein Lied

Kenny Burrell - Blue Lights

Kiki Dee - Stay With Me

King Crimson - In the Court of the Crimson King

Kool and the Gang - Spirit of the Boogie

Kumiko Hara - No Smoking

Leslie First and Combo - Sexy Hammond

Linda Ronstadt - Hasten Down the Wind

Linda Ronstadt - Heart Like a Wheel

Linda Ronstadt - Simple Dreams

Lizzy Mercier Descloux - Press Color

Loretta Lynn - Blue Kentucky Girl

Lou Reed - Coney Island Baby

Lou Reed - Rock n Roll Animal

Lou Reed - Take No Prisoners

Louis Moholo Octet - Spirits Rejoice!

Love - Forever Changes

Maria Bethania - Alibi

Marianne Faithfull - Broken English

Mark-Almond - Other People's Rooms

Martha Miyake - Together With Jun

Martin Denny - Quiet Village

Marvin Gaye - I Want You

Marvin Gaye - Live at the London Palladium

Marvin Gaye - What's Going On

Marvin Gaye - When I'm Alone I Cry

Mick Ronson - Slaughter on 10th Avenue

Miles Davis - 'Round About Midnight

Mina - Mina 2

Momoe Yamaguchi - Dramatic

Mott the Hoople - The Hoople

Musique - Keep on Jumpin'

Nanako Sato - Kissing Fish

Nelson Riddle - Sea of Dreams

New York Dolls - New York Dolls

Nick Drake - Bryter Layter

Nico - Desertshore

Nino Oliviero - La Moglie Giapponese

Nukhet Duru - Bir Nefes Gibi

Ohio Players - Ecstasy

Ohio Players - Fire

Olivia Newton-John - Totally Hot

Ornella Vanoni - Uomo Mio, Bambino Mio

Osanna - Suddance

Parliament - Mothership Connection

Patti Smith - Easter

Patti Smith - Horses

Pearl Bailey - Sings for Adults Only

Peggy Lee - The Man I Love

Peter Straker - Changeling

Phyllis Hyman - You Know How to Love Me

Pink Floyd - Animals

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

Prince - Prince

Pucho and his Latin Soul Brothers - Yaina

Queen - News of the World

Queen - Sheer Heart Attack

Ramones - Ramones

Ray Charles - The Great Ray Charles

Ray Conniff - Say It With Music

Rie Nakahara - Touch Me

Rod Stewart - Blondes Have More Fun

Roxy Music - For Your Pleasure

Roxy Music - Stranded

Ruth Copeland - Take Me to Baltimore

Scorpions - In Trance

Shirley Bassey - Something Else

Sonny Clark - Cool Struttin'

Sonny Rollins - Work Time

Sparks - Propaganda

Strapps - Strapps

Styx - Best of Styx

Styx - Man of Miracles

Su Kramer - Die zwei Gesichter

Sun - Wanna Make Love

Susan Cadogan - Doing It Her Way

Suzi Lane - Ooh La La

Suzi Quatro - Suzi Quatro

Suzi Quatro - Suzi...and Other Four Letter Words

Suzi Quatro - Your Mama Won't Like Me

T. Rex - T. Rex

T. Rex - A Beard of Stars

T. Rex - Electric Warrior

T. Rex - My People Were Fair...

T. Rex - Tanx

The Beatles - Abbey Road

The Beatles - Revolver

The Beatles - With The Beatles

The Cars - Candy-O

The Clash - London Calling

The Doors - The Doors

The Doors - Waiting for the Sun

The Dubliners - A Drop of the Hard Stuff

The George Shearing Quintet - Mood Latino

The Kinks - Low Budget

The Kinks - Percy

The Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers

The Stooges - Raw Power

The Supremes - High Energy

The Velvet Underground - 1969: Live

The Velvet Underground - Andy Warhol's Velvet Underground ft. Nico

The Velvet Underground - Loaded

The Velvet Underground - Squeeze

Thin Lizzy - Fighting

Thin Lizzy - Nightlife

Thin Lizzy - Thin Lizzy

Tim Buckley - Tim Buckley

Tim Curry - Fearless

Tina Turner - Acid Queen

Tom Jones - The Body and Soul of Tom Jones

Tom Jones - Tom

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Tom Waits - Blue Valentine

Tom Zacharias - Belindas Doettrar

Toto - Hydra

Townes Van Zandt - Townes Van Zandt

Tubeway Army - Replicas

Van Halen - Van Halen

Vicky Leandros - Ich liebe das Leben

Wally Tax - Love In

Warren Zevon - Excitable Boy

Waylon Jennings - Hangin' On

Wild Cherry - Wild Cherry

Zafer Dilek - Oyun Havalari

[strigimorphaes]

Can you please put Jo Milan in a chastity device of your choice? You can also praise him for me. Hope you're night gets better!

belated but delivered! I am not really a fan of chastity devices HOWEVER denial and mental vows of chastity, ohoho!

I made up a fictional soigneur for this and I am NOT ITALIAN so I may have picked a bad name, I do not care. I trawled AO3 a bit and found that Johnny seems to be the consensus for how to write Jonathan's name out, so I did that. Not proofread.

The massage is a ritual. Forty-five minutes of silence. Johnny undresses, easing out of his kit and its traces of salt. He washes himself clean. then, though his legs still ache when he lies down on the soigneur's table, he feels better as soon as those hands touch him. It's mysticism. It's magic. It's been months of those same hands kneading his calves and thighs; now that old Italian Tommaso knows where every tendon is. The rest of the team call him Tommy because of how it sounds next to Johnny's name, or just Tom, which Johnny thinks sounds better. Sometimes they make fun of Johnny for always wanting this particular soigneur who still insists on all the old tricks. A bit of olive oil will always be part of the cure for anything in Tom's world, and he likes to talk about the meaning of dreams. Johnny doesn't think it's any weirder than what the Danes do, getting some strange guy to come tell them how to breathe. And he finds it easy enough to exhale slow while Tom works him over. They smalltalk about the day, and Johnny is honest when he says it was good. A victory. "You are getting stronger," Tom agrees. "I can feel it in your muscles." "It was about time the training paid off," Johnny says, adjusting the towel. "How about the diet? Did you stick to that?" "I - yes," Johnny nods. The mood changes. It's about food - the diet is just what the call what he's doing, and it's been a long month of it. Tom smiles as he hooks his hand under Johnny's knee, moving his leg around to loosen it all up - and even with the towel, it's obvious that another part of Johnny's body moves, too. "I can tell."

Because Tom always can. Johnny's body is a traitor like that. "I told you," Tom chatters. "No ladies, no late nights - far better. They knew it back then." One more in a long line of superstitions. The sort of thing Fausto Coppi's blind old man would say. The belief that staying away from sex conserves energy better spent in sprints. So Johnny's been trying because he might as well try everything. "If young men eat too much, they aren't hungry enough for the victory," Tom continues, his palms gliding over Johnny's thigh. "Same if they feel too good and forget how good winning feels." Johnny isn't proud of the way his body reacts to the touch, but Tom doesn't say a word about it. His hand goes all the way up to the crease at the hip, then down towards the inner thigh. "I did win today," Johnny mumbles. "Could I - maybe - ?" "Hmm. It wasn't a big win." Tom rests his hand just above Johnny's knee, putting some weight into it, holding him down. "I don't know if it's deserved." "I fought tooth and nail for it. You saw." Johnny looks down at himself, his cock red and hard from the slightest stimulation and the scent of the massage oil - a scent he's grown used to associating with a particular mix of pride in his abstinence and the shame from his body getting riled up like this, on display like this. He licks his lips. "Please." "…Okay. Since you won, and since you've been so good to follow the advice and stick to the diet before. Maybe a little would be healthy for you." Tom nods, and only now does Johnny feel like it is physically possible for him to move his hand down between his legs. And there it is, finally - Johnny sighs in relief at the touch. The scent of the massage oil gets strong as the slick sounds get louder. He's not even been allowed this, masturbating, for all that time, knowing that Tom would be able to tell from how his body responded to the massage today. Still, it's easy for him to fall back in his usual rhythm. With the same emotionless affect as when he's dealing with Johnny's calves, Tom keeps his hands on Johnny's body, lightly stroking from his chest down his sides to his thighs and back up. Johnny can feel himself getting closer already, sinking into the feeling - the massage table has never felt softer, his hand never this good - and then there's suddenly a strong hand on top of his own. "You're a good, good boy," Tom says, "but we cannot go all the way yet. I'm sorry, but just a little more will be good for you. One win more, Jonathan, you can do that for us." Johnny pushes himself up on one elbow and swallows hard. "It'll be weeks before I get the chance. It could be months." "You're so strong," Tom responds, moving Johnny's hand so slowly, frustratingly slowly, with his own. "So driven. You will get it. And you will get to feel good now, so enjoy it." Tom sets his other hand on Johnny's chest, pushing him back down. "You can relax, because I'll make sure you don't get over the edge. You're safe here." And Johnny whines and takes what he can get, because what else can he do? He can feel that the diet is working. He wants to win more than anything.

[inutilidadeaflorada]

República Faustiana

Vamos exumar um Dutra qualquer A flor que você depõe é íntima do Mercúrio Um desfile mergulhado em pólvora O povo em transe com imagens no meio do abismo

Vamos sambar sob a cova de um Castelo Branco Por quem foi decapitado, por quem não pôde antes Por quem jamais esquecerá, contra o perdão das instituições O rei está deposto e morto, entretanto, sempre no cio

Você se contenta com os discursos de um novo Costa e Silva Você se contenta com ameaças veladas de um elefante branco Você come dos restos de um banquete enferrujado Você funda um ritual de mutualismo com fardas sujas de sangue seco

Beijaram o asfalto, os tragaram em porões O amor conhecendo a coerção O trágico Fausto cantando um carnaval Entre as sombras de um viaduto

Houveram poucos Hermes Batucando seu regresso Ensaiando seu monólogo Para despistar a ordem

Surge um corpo remendado Médici ressuscitava carcaças de Bacantes Para insinua-las a sua nova Lady Lazarus Para que pudesse moldar o encanto

Outro Geisel com obsessão sacra por coturnos Os muitos carnavais ainda com gosto de maçã crepuscular O papel de uma distensão, vagorosamente um trópico se estende Para reluzir sob as convenções ridículas de uma vingança protestante

Por fim aqueles que entoam um Ustra Inflamam um escarcéu, inventam seus rivais Frustram-se em um mar de arrogância Tão incompetentes em performar seus papéis

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #232

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose.

“Hmm…” Alonso tilted his head. “I think it’s a walrus.”

He and his friend Fausto stood in an art gallery in front of an abstract piece, trying to decide what it was.

“No, no…” Fausto argued. “It’s definitely a lighthouse.”

“A lighthouse? You’re crazy.”

“Really, though, look -” He pointed at a shape near the bottom. “That’s the cliff edge, then that part there is the door, and the light is here at the top.”

“I’m not seeing it.”

“I can kind of see it,” said a woman who approached them from the side. “You can even imagine those squiggles as seagulls.”

“Right?” Fausto said. “It’s totally a lighthouse.”

“No, no, those squiggles are too big to be birds!” Alonso protested. “Those are the whiskers! And right next to them are the tusks.”

“But there are no flippers!”

“Walruses are huge, man! The flippers are just beneath the field of view of the canvas.”

“‘Field of view’? You think just because you know some kinda art terminology, you know better than me?”

“I can see the walrus there too,” said the woman. “Very clever. Never thought of that.”

“How can it be both?” Fausto asked.

“Yeah, it can’t be a walrus and a lighthouse at the same time!” Alonso agreed.

“Sure it can - and more. To me, it looks like a palm tree on a tropical beach, with white sand and a bright blue sky.”

“But…” Fausto scratched his head. “Lady, those colors aren’t even in the painting.”

Alonso crossed his arms. “Are you colorblind or something?”

“Obviously one of us must be right.”

“You can’t be right,” the woman said. “Because you can’t be wrong. Art is in the mind of the beholder.”

“That’s nonsense.” Alonso replied.

“Yeah, what do you know?” Fausto asked.

The woman put her index finger to her chin. “Well, I guess you could call me an expert on this piece… since I painted it. But I don’t want to distract you from it for too long. Enjoy yourselves, boys.” She walked away to speak with another guest about a different painting.

Alonso and Fausto looked at the painting again. Both of them tilted their heads.

“Yeah, I guess I can see the palm tree.”

“Me too.”

Please comment, reblog, like, and follow if you enjoyed - I'd love to know what you think! See you again tomorrow.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Is it weird that I want recs of books with kidnapping?

Not at all! I love kidnapping books. Totally natural. There's a reason why it's a mainstay in the genre.

Historical:

A Rose at Midnight by Anne Stuart. This is a dark historical romance, so TW for past sexual assault of the heroine (not by the hero, but described fairly explicitly), the Reign of Terror in France, and some preeeetty heavy dubcon with the hero. I know a lot of discussion has been had about what constitutes enemies to lovers... THIS. IS. IT. The heroine attempts to poison the hero (she actually does poison him, he just doesn't die as she was planning) for revenge early in the book, then escapes his clutches after he figures out it was her. He chases her down and kidnaps her. Ridiculously good and stupid hot if you're down for some true loooooathing and very complicated feelings.

Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale. Allegreto kidnaps Elayne/Elena to force her to marry him as a part of his Evil Scheme. Noncon first encounter, Kinsale is very true to medieval values--Elena's honestly more bugged by the complications that come with her not being a virgin anymore than anything else, AND I will say this is one of the most fascinating sex scenes I've ever read, because when she bites his shoulder he comes like, immediately and looks at her like FRIGHTENED after, and she realizes that it's because he gave up the game and revealed his fetish for pain/being dominated. Which she does use against him! DELICIOUS.

The Hawk by Monica McCarty. This is kind of a medieval kidnapping of convenience. The hero fishes the heroine out of the water and basically hauls her along with him because she's the daughter of an enemy. He's a pretty jolly kidnapper.

The Last Crimes of Peregrine Hind by Sierra Simone. This is an m/m kidnapping. This highwayman kidnaps a dandy because revenge and ransom reasons, and the dandy is like "I can work with this". Much sex enues, and it's GREAT.

A Kingdom of Dreams by Judith McNaught. Classic medieval kidnapping; the heroine is Scottish, and the English hero has his men kidnap her (and her sister, I think?) because war. Unfortunately for him, this girl is PSYCHOTIC.

Seduce Me at Sunrise by Lisa Kleypas. Not a traditional kidnapping, but Kev does kidnap Win as a part of some marriage tradition stuff--ties her up and everything. She is VERY enthusiastic about being kidnapped because she's been begging for his dick for the entire book, and he does give it to her for like 24 hours straight.

Duke of Desire by Elizabeth Hoyt. This is one where the hero kidnaps the heroine and forces her to marry him to keep her safe from the villains, but he then refuses to consummate the marriage because he has some pretty severe trauma from being sexually abused as a child (TW, obviously). The heroine wants children, so this presents a problem.

Scandalous Desires by Elizabeth Hoyt. This is kind of a coerced kidnapping--Mickey left his infant daughter on orphanage lady Silence's doorstep, and she's been raising the baby for months and has fallen in love with her. So when Mickey takes the baby back (because his enemies are after him and he doesn't want her used against him) she comes running, and he's basically like, if you want the baby you have to stay in captivity here. She agrees.

The Dragon and The Pearl by Jeannie Lin. DELICIOUS. The hero is a warlord, and the heroine is the previous emperor's concubine. He's sure she knows secrets, so he kidnaps her to get them out of her. Sadly, she is very smart, and he finds this Difficult.

Contemporary:

Possession by Adriana Anders. This is more of a kidnapping kink--the heroine fantasizes about being kidnapped, so her husband enlists his buddy to help him fulfill that fantasy in a BIG way. A threesome ensues!

Mafia:

Mafia Mistress by Mila Finelli. Fausto kidnaps Frankie so that she can marry his son, Giulio. However, Fausto ends up being muuuuch more into her, so he pivots to making her his mistress. Duology, leads into Mafia Darling.

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli. Enzo blows up a bar and fakes Gia's death in order to kidnap her for revenge (against Fausto; this one stands alone, but I'd recommend reading them in order). He then keeps her in a cage on his yacht and intends to humiliate her, but she actually turns out to be almost as batshit insane as he is, and it gets Out of Hand.

The Professional by Kresley Cole. The hero in this book kidnaps the heroine on the orders of his boss (her biological father). But, after he gets her off in a cornfield, things get complicated...

The Master by Kresley Cole. In this one, the heroine is initially a sex worker hired by the hero, and they hit it off. However, she realizes she missed her birth control or something, and they had unprotected sex during her fertile window, and he's VERY pissed and kidnaps her to wait it out. Much more sex is had, and a chastity belt is involved. Loooove.

Dark:

King's Captive by Amber Bardan. The heroine is kidnapped by the hero on the day he crashes her birthday party and kills everyone there, including her dad. Then we jump three years into the future. This one has... quite a twist.

Paranormal:

Dragon Bound by Thea Harrison. The hero is an ancient dragon shifter, and the heroine steals one (1) penny from his horde as a part of a job she's blackmailed into doing. He is NOT PLEASED and chases her down and kidnaps her. However, he's also quickly like "I like the way she smells and her pretty hair and I want to keep her forever".

The Warlord Wants Forever by Kresley Cole. Nikolai (a vampire) kidnaps Myst (a valkyrie) as revenge/also just to claim her because she left him with a literally unending boner for FIVE. YEARS. So his long game is to basically keep her captive and shower her with sexual pleasure until she agrees to stay with him forever. Some pretty heavy dubcon/noncon, but in a "she is loving this but says she doesn't" kind of way.

A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole. Lachlain (a werewolf) realizes Emma (a valkyrie/vampire hybrid) is his mate and kidnaps her because, you know, mating, even though he's VERY displeased about this, what with being tortured by vampires for 150 years. Noncon/dubcon involved.

Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole. A lady kidnapping a man! Sabine kidnaps Rydstrom and sexually tortures him in an effort to get him to fuck her and get her pregnant as a part of her brother's nefarious schemes. Dubcon, obvi, though he for sure gets her back on that score...

Lothaire by Kresley Cole. Lothaire keeps Ellie on death row, and when she decides to just not fight it and die he's like "WOW. RUDE." and kidnaps her because he believes she's the vessel for his actual fated mate, an evil goddess. (He is, in fact, incorrect.) One of my favorite things about this is that he has magical wards set up to keep her from escaping his penthouse apartment, so he just sits there and counts down as she runs to try to throw herself out a window or something and nods when he hears her like, bounce off a force field lmao. LOVE THEIR LOVE.

The Fae Queen's Captive by Sierra Simone. F/f kidnapping. The heroine is kidnapped by the fae queen for Mysterious Purposes and becomes her pet. Not a bad gig.

Sci-fi:

Barbarian Alien by Ruby Dixon. The heroine is kidnapped by her fated alien mate, which is very against the rules because these aliens are Feminist Kings. Fortunately for him, she is very horny and decides to go with it.

Barbarian Mine by Ruby Dixon. In this one, the hero is a SUPER barbarian alien, because he was literally raised off the grid by his dad who died when he was young (his dad raised him off the grid because he did in fact kidnap the hero's mom). He kidnaps the heroine because mating bond, and she's also like ".... fine".

[isa-beenme]

Moonlight

Chapter 1: Bohemian Rhapsody

When Hybern falls, all of their prior experiments are free to take the world as they want, but for months no one hears anything coming from the castle. Until the massacre. Until the whole palace explodes. Their biggest weapon is out, and she only has one objective: get back to her sisters.

Warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of child abuse, mentions of experiments with human beings, mentions of child murder (please someone tell me if I forgot something)

The reason why I chose the name of the chapter is quite simple: This is the song I listened to and repeated the whole time while I wrote the chapter. Also, Rhapsody means a collection of different beats and rhythms united in a song, and that represents this lovely group of ladies that are together now fighting for their lives. And Bohemia is the city where Fausto (a mythological German character) was born, it's said that he traded his life with a demon for knowledge, eternal life, and love, kinda reminds me of a certain Archeron sister that I created haha

Aemma Archeron never believed she had the chance to reflect on her life. Her routine was simple: rise early, eat breakfast, train her powers, eat lunch, train physically in the camps, eat dinner, study with the king, and return to the cells to sleep. It was easy, it was enough. But then the war came, and Hybern fought and lost.

When Hybern's king fell, so did the girls' hope - though not Aemma's, not exactly. The younger girls still clung to dreams of a future that wasn’t theirs to dream. Their lives had never belonged to them but to the king. After Feyre Cursebreaker freed the High Lords in Prythian, after they stormed the castle, left more broken than before, after obtaining the Book of Breaths, even after Prythian's victory, no one came to free them, the long-forgotten slaves who were supposed to compose Hybern's domination plan. After that, they were all just waiting to die.

They could have left. That was an option. But months after the war ended, a new shipment of children arrived, meant to be turned into fae. The girls couldn’t abandon them; the camp lords and ladies were preoccupied with restoring order, so Aemma and the others cared for the children. It was the perfect moment for someone - anyone - to come and save them. But no one did. The camps restarted, and the children were gone, declared useless by the lords. 

Grief washed over the girls, always a strange feeling for them. They always cried for others, never for themselves. Over time, they stopped caring about their own pain, after all, Faes, they were told, do not grieve. But deep down, they were still human and always would be. Aemma once told the king this, he had laughed at her at the time and told her to only shut up and listen to what he had to teach her, and she had never spoken of it again.

After the grief came anger. The others raged against the camp lords, but Aemma remained the same, always leading, always unbreakable and fierce. For months, they protected those children, fed them, taught them, and loved them as their own. They hadn’t known the Cauldron was gone; if they had, Aemma wouldn’t have let Vivie get so attached. It was a cruel mistake, one she wasn’t prepared to deal with. The king had always known how to keep her in check, to make her his own obedient servant. She knew he was evil, cruel, and sadistic, but somehow, in some deep part of herself, so was she. He had given her a purpose to fight, a role to fill, a task to reach, even if his sense of care was cruel and twisted, he was the only form of care Aemma had ever met. She had grieved for him, too.

But what they had done to the children? Unforgivable. Aemma killed in the name of those who couldn't rise anymore tortured those who were proud of their swords, and fed the Enchantress's soul with their despair. She had enjoyed it, even if she didn't dare to admit it. She burned their homes, their camps, their ships, their souls. Silently, she mastered her power and ended them. The girls took the studies kept in the castle, saving them for their new lives. Whether they sold the knowledge, used it, or gave it away didn’t matter. Hybern was gone, and all that remained were its twisted experiments, finally free to run into the life the Mother had promised them.

Some girls went to Wotawa, others to Vallahan. Aemma and the largest group had made their way to Prythian. Their goal was simple: find a place to call home and start anew. Aemma’s personal objective was to reunite with her sisters, but first, she needed to ensure the safety of her girls.

They arrived at the Spring Court not long after the Black Massacre - as the commoners in Hybern were calling it -, knowing the High Lord had abandoned it. For days, they had mapped the area using Alyssa’s power, which allowed her to see the world differently than the others. Oletta ensured they weren’t caught off guard, feeling any movement from living beings, while Naomi kept them hidden when anyone ventured too close. They worked together seamlessly, though the fear of punishment for mistakes still haunted them, almost as if breathed in their necks every second of the day.

Aemma was lost in thought when Ada approached. "Aemma? Alyssa finished mapping the Night Court. The girls want to know if you'll decide now or if we need to wait."

"Reunite the girls," Aemma replied, standing up. "We're deciding now."

Ada, whose power allowed her to speak with animals, was one of the first to be enslaved by Hybern. Her poor, ragged dress made her stand out from the others, who still wore the training uniforms assigned to them by the king. Aemma was the only one dressed in cobalt blue, chosen for her because of her matching eyes, so the king could always locate her during training.

As Aemma entered the camp, the girls gathered, waiting for the discussion. Alyssa looked excited; her power was finally being used for something good. Aemma somehow understood the feeling, if killing every camp lord to free themselves could be considered something good. 

"Where’s Clover?" Aemma asked. "Someone bring her here, please."

Soon, Clover, a dark-skinned girl with the power to project images from someone's mind, joined them. A detailed map of the Night Court appeared in front of them.

"Okay," Aemma began. "I think we can all agree that the Autumn Court is a no, we know how the High Lord is there. Winter Court is out because Olive needs warmth, and Summer Court is out because Livie needs the cold. We're already in the Spring Court, but the High Lord is still a lost cause, Missy, Lyanna, and Elara are making a list of those who want to stay here to help those who remain here. Anyone with plant, weather, or healing powers is welcome, or anyone who wants to help, for that matter."

With a wave, the map showed the Courts disappearing, leaving only Night and Day.

"Dawn Court is out because of the mountains. Shuri needs space," Aemma said with a smirk as the girls laughed. Shuri, their runner, had collided with a mountain before during one of the training sessions in Hybern, causing days of cleanup and being moved to a more open camp. "That leaves us with Night and Day. And for me, the choice is obvious. The Night Court is the largest, with different races and the most powerful fae leading it. They can help us continue our training and provide resources."

"And why do you think they'll help us?" Vivie asked, her eyes red and puffy from sleepless nights.

"They were the only ones who tried to stop Hybern from the start. Feyre Cursebreaker is the High Lady, and just accepting a High Lady is a good sign. They’re not perfect, but we can help them with our knowledge."

"And it has nothing to do with your sisters being there?" Vivie’s voice was flat, making Aemma stop in her tracks.

"How do you know Nesta and Elain are alive?"

"I heard your conversation with Anika," Vivie replied. "She overheard peasants talking about them and told you. Were you planning to tell us we’re going after your sisters?"

"We’re not after my sisters," Aemma said firmly. "If I had to take you all somewhere else on the other side of the world for your safety, I would. If I had to choose between all of you and my sisters, I'd choose you. The fact that they’re in the Night Court is a coincidence." Vivie lowered her head, and another girl comforted her with a soft hug "I know you're hurt, and I share some of that blame, but we can’t turn on each other now. The Night Court is our best option. If anyone objects, speak now. Otherwise, we leave tomorrow morning." As the group dispersed, Vivie lingered, looking unsure "Anything else?" Aemma asked.

"I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know. It feels weird."

"You’re sad. It’s okay. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you, or this strict. After so long, it’s strange to have so much freedom, I don't know how to deal with this, or… how to communicate with you without sounding like a direct command"

"That's more part of your personality than your training anyway" Vivie whispered, laughing softly at the panned expression she received from Aemma "Sorry again. I'm just tired, I still don't believe this is actually happening"

“I understand, you are one of the oldest here, you are hurt and confused with the new life we received, and I haven't been the softest anyway” Aemma's hand hovered over her friend's shoulder, before returning it to her side when it started to warm.

“Still getting used to your secret power? Hybern never taught you how to control this one” Even if her posture was one of jest, her voice carried a hint of worry in it.

“I'll get used to it at some point, the king never knew about this, I know I would suffer if he did” Her voice kept lowering to the point it ended in a whisper. Vivie took it as a dismissal, rising from where she was sitting before smiling at her sort of leader.

Aemma only watched her leave to her tent, only to be joined by the Enchantress, her shadowed form appearing beside her, laughing.

"It was for the greater good, if you wanted to say anything" Aemma said in the language only the Enchantress could understand.

“Perhaps. But your real goal is to find your dear sisters, isn’t it?" To anyone looking from the outside, it seemed like the female was talking to the shadows that hovered around her own shoulders and ears, but in Aemma's eyes, the old spirit took the form of a little girl smiling at her.

"Maybe. But these girls are my family, too" The Enchantress's shadow draped over Aemma, the voice fading into the recesses of her mind.

“You are so much fun, sweet girl. I'll be here waiting for this new adventure of yours” She always knew that the old death demon liked her, and found Aemma more amusing than anything. Even if it pained her to admit, she liked to have special treatment from anyone. She was a selfish person, terribly prideful and stubborn, she knew that much, and the king made sure to engrave it in her mind from the beginning. But it never hurt as much as lying to get to her own personal objectives. Even if she tried saying the contrary, she knew she was every bit what the king forged her to be.

[triviareads]

I'm posting this one a little sooner than the end of the month because I'm off to the west coast for the holidays and most of these books are Christmas or New Year's-themed!

Mafia Virgin by Mila Finelli

The final installation of Mila's Kings of Italy series came out last week, and here is my review (and here are my excess notes). SPEAKING of Mila Finelli—

Fausto and Frankie Bonus Scene by Mila Finelli

If you would like some warm, mafia Christmas goodness with a side of chasing, Mila Finelli wrote a (free!) bonus scene set after Mafia Darling that I've linked above. It features gems such as Frankie fucking around with calling Fausto an old man repeatedly and finding out (which, to be clear, was her end goal), Fausto pondering on whether to tell the number of men he's killed with an axe when Frankie questions his ability to chop down a Christmas tree, and a visit from (then-failson mafioso, but forever a fave) Giulio.

Duke the Halls by Felicity Niven

The thing about Felicity Niven's historical romances is that they all start off relatively light, humorous even, but you inevitably find yourself swiping away tears as you read through the last few chapters. Duke the Halls is about a grumpy neurodivergent duke who finds himself enamored with a ladies companion he meets in a stagecoach. I adore Franny; she's earnest and upbeat and the very embodiment of holiday spirit without being naive (she's also a bit of a neologist). Kit, the duke, is more of an acquired taste but it's hilarious to read how gone he is for this woman right off the bat— to the point where he wishes he were a worse kisser so she could "practice" with him more, he admits he actually kinda does suck at sex, and nearly crashes a carriage when she agrees to sleep with him. God bless him. Felicity Niven doesn't shy away from going off the beaten path with her sex scenes; expressions of pleasure are never sanitized and they always feel real and honest.

My Present This Year by Sierra Simone

Sierra Simone unironically wrote a (step!) sibling romance some years ago (linked above— it's free!), inspired by that 2009 Folger's coffee commercial called "Coming Home". You know the one. Upon reread, Nick is is kind of giving "early version Tristan Thomas from Sierra's Lyonesse Trilogy" vibes. It also has all the hallmarks of a Sierra Simone romance: tragic pining-induced celibacy, there's a nickname with "little" in the beginning, someone is a biter, the lines "I want to be a good stepbrother" are uttered...

Her Virgin Duke by Nicola Davidson

If you're in the mood for a Christmas-themed romance ft. virgin dukes who learn to fuck shockingly fast (wow sex lessons seems to be the theme of these holiday romances), then this is the novella for you! The Duke of Tunbury aka Humdrum Tun is a virgin who doesn't even masturbate until he he meets brothel madam Delilah on a bet, and within days the man's basically an animal in the sack. His learning curve is only matched by that of Beck's from The Major's Welcome Home by Tessa Bailey and Nick Gentry's from Worth Any Price by Lisa Kleypas.

Size Doesn't Matter by Jennie Kew

Sophie is a famous plus-sized model who unwittingly hooks up with her ex(ish)'s younger brother Jack on New Year's Eve, and when she finds out, she's Not Happy. Jennie Kew is a solid erotic romance writer who writes a lot of books with kink, and I've loved nearly even book she's written in her Bennett's Bastards series. This is probably one of the softer books in her series, both tone and sex-wise, but I love how she wrote Sophie being both bigger and taller, and she's in her thirties, but she's still very much a brat sexually— I feel like a lot of authors equate this with dainty little girls— and Jack clocks this right off the bat and is very much here for it. This book also features one of my much-loved tropes often found in Harlequins.... :D

[maidenxpersephone]

OLIVES' MADNESS:

Todas as bios estão fixadas nos respectivos blogs.

Post/Pesquisas: Naughty or Nice?

Perséfone (@maidenxpersephone)

Nome. Perséfone. Kore. Idade. Aparenta 26. FC. Laura Harrier Espécie. Divindade. Sexualidade. Bissexual Heteromântica. Ocupação. Deusa da Primavera e Rainha do Submundo. Proprietária da floricultura Elísios. Lealdade. Neutra-vilã (influência do marido). Petweapon. Coroa. Objeto. Alianças. Família. Deméter e todo panteão grego. AU!HS. The Overachiever.

Drácula (@vampirelord-dracula)

Nome. Conde Vlad Tepes. Vlad, o Empalador. Vlad III. Idade. 626. FC. Ben Barnes. Espécie. Vampiro. Sexualidade. Pansexual Polirromântico. Ocupação. Rei dos Vampiros e proprietário do Fangtasia. Lealdade. Vilão. Petweapon. God's Mask. Objeto. Joias de colarinho. Família. Alucard (filho). AU!HS. The Charming Bully The New Kid.

Fiona (@enfionecida)

Nome. Princesa Fiona. Idade. 35. FC. Tessa Thompson. Espécie. Ogro. Sexualidade. Bissexual Heterorromântica. Ocupação. Policial e futura Prefeita de Tão Tão Distante. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Machado. Objeto. Anel de noivado. Família. Rei Harold (assassinado no casamento de Marta Caloteira) e Rainha Lillian (desaparecida e viva). AU!HS. The diurnal Miss Congeniality.

Belle (@belledoslivros)

Nome. Belle French. Idade. 27. FC. Lily James. Espécie. Humana dotada de magia (não desperta). Sexualidade. Heterossexual Heterorromântica. Ocupação. Domadora de Feras e Bestas. Bibliotecária e coproprietária da livraria Tales As Old As Time. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Desiluminador. Objeto. Livro. Família. Maurice (pai) e Agatha (mãe e feiticeira). AU!HS. The Wallflower.

Espelho Mágico (@emvocenaobrilha)

Nome. Goldyn. Idade. Indefinida. FC. Camila Mendes & Freddy Carter. Espécie. Espelho Mágico. Sexualidade. Demissexual Arromântico. Ocupação. Braço direito da Rainha Má. Lealdade. Vilões. Petweapon. Relógio. Objeto. Colar. Família. Não se aplica. AU!HS. The High School Sweathearts.

Mirabel (@talentosamirabel)

Nome. Mirabel Madrigal. Idade. 20. FC. Isabela Merced. Espécie. Humana superdotada. Sexualidade. Heterossexual Birromântica. Ocupação. Estudante de Psicologia e Garçonete da Friar's. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Frigideira. Objeto. Bolsa. Família. Julieta (mãe) e Agustín (pai). Isabela e Luísa (irmãs mais velhas). Bruno, Pepa e Félix(tios). Dolores, Camilo e Antônio (primos). Abuela Alma (avó). Casita (soulmate). AU!HS. The almost teacher's pet.

Gretel (@ingretel)

Nome. Annegreta. Idade. 29. FC. Conor Leslie. Espécie. Bruxa. Sexualidade. Bissuxual Demiromântica. Ocupação. Diretora do hospital Saint Muriel, médica emergencista e caçadora. Lealdade. Neutra-vilã. Petweapon. Escudo Mágico. Objeto. Fio. Família. Hansel (irmão gêmeo). Guadalupe (filha 3 anos). AU!HS. The Forced Loner.

Anastasia (@lasttremaine)

Nome. Anastasia Tremaine. Idade. 24. FC. Adelaide Kane. Espécie. Humana. Sexualidade. Pansexual Panromântica. Ocupação. Proprietária da loja de joias finas Anastasia's. Lealdade. Vilã-neutra. Petweapon. Gargantilha Banshee. Objeto. Rosa. Família. Lady Tremaine (mãe), Drizella Tremaine (irmã mais velha), Cinderella Tremaine (meia-irmã mais nova). AU!HS. The False Preppy.

Primavera (@godfather-autumn)

Nome. Autumn. Outono. Idade. Aparenta 29. FC. Kofi Siriboe Espécie. Fada/Feérico. Sexualidade. Pansexual Birromântico. Ocupação. Padrinho de Aurora e estilista/costureiro da Vil's. Lealdade. Mocinho. Petweapon. Cetro. Objeto. Varinha. Família. Fauna e Flora. Fausto. AU!HS. The Dreamer.

Capitão Gancho (@youshalldie)

Nome. Killian Jones. Idade. 47 anos. FC. Karl Urban. Espécie. Eterno adulto rabugento. Sexualidade. Machista. Ocupação. Capitão do Jolly Rogers. Proprietário do Puddin 'n' Pie. Lealdade. Vilão. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Smee.

Tropeço (@you--rang)

Nome. Tristan Tropeço. Idade. Indefinida. FC. Casey Deidrick. Espécie. Indefinido. Sexualidade. Indefinida. Ocupação. Mordomo e integrante da família Addams. Lealdade. Neutro. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Mortícia, Gomez, Wandinha, Mãozinha...

Jane (@mimjaneporter)

Nome. Jane Fernanda Porter. Idade. 26. FC. Deniz Işın. Espécie. Humana. Sexualidade. Bissexual. Ocupação. Funcionária do Santuário de Tarzan. Professora de desenho e pintura da Universidade. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Arquimedes Q. Porter (pai).

Mor'du (@morduforte)

Nome. ???. Adotou Kendrew para sua forma humana. Idade. Aparenta 30. Aproximadamente 60 de existência. FC. Calahan Skogman. Espécie. Humano amaldiçoado, transforma-se em urso negro. Sexualidade. Furry. Ocupação. Segurança da Drink in Hell. Lealdade. Vilão. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Pai e três irmãos mais novos, assassinados por ele.

GELADEIRA

Pocahontas (@ppocahontas)

Nome. Matoaka. Amonute. Idade. 28 anos. FC. Devery Jacobs. Espécie. Indígena shamã. Sexualidade. Indefinida. Ocupação. Livre. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Lasso. Objeto. Colar da Mãe. Família. Powhatan (pai), Callun. AU!HS. The Activist.

[saturn-noctua]

The gangs all here!

in order:

Twigg Branch (played by me) (accidentally a villain but its ok bc he's sad)

Voskiroche Nyk (also played by me) (he's dead now though)

Slime Can III (me again hi) (He has seven spouses but my favorite is Midge Bucket, a buff cockroach lady)

Fausto I forgot his last name (formerly the enemy but we kidnapped him)

Freja Erifkson (both her parents are gods)

Raina Redclaw (really regrets not killing Twigg when she had the chance)

Rhozk "Goats" Jones (featuring Weevil, who used to be Voskiroche's cat)

Ransaax Vrakdaar (He's Twigg's only real friend now)

[faustocosgrove]

i logged onto tumblr and started scrolling to see if someone else had already made a post about a thought i had today. if there is one floating around i didn't find it. of course it's only been 15 minutes but anyway. deal with my brain droppings now.

am i the only one who thinks that senator bitch who snapped back at her constituent with "we are all going to die" and then posted a sarcastic tiktok from a cemetery mocking all of her constituents with how she was glad she didn't have to explain that the tooth fairy isn't real did that entire shit show in a very tumblr flavored way?

i mean i just reblogged a PSA post about not collecting human remains and some clown chimed in to say that living humans and bones are not the same thing. so i might've been gone for a while but tumblr stupidity is alive and well.

and like i know on a logical conscious level that this is more indicative of all humans being susceptible to acting stupid on the internet and then getting accustomed to that and doing it in real life and it's got to be a thing in common with all social media websites.

but then the evil side of my soul starts needling me with "oh god! the bitch is on tumblr! what if i've reblogged one of her posts? what if she follows Lynda Carter????? that'd be horrible!!!!" and i'm like thanks Fausto for the genius though where you took the one famous older lady on tumblr that you know about and mashed a hypothetical older lady on tumblr together. truly, you are at your most intelligent.

but since even i know that such thoughts are stupid i was looking for someone else making a post about the bitch that was intelligent so i could post it along side my idiocy so i didn't look so stupid. so i shoved her surname into the tumblr search bar and that's how i found out about um. oh god i don't want to type this word out into my post. gonna disguise it with slashes.

///r////ei///ch///blr////

god i hope i did that right, i don't want nazis on my blog.

so anyway the bitch's last name is the same first name as one of the original nazis. that post might not exist for you to see since i'm going to report it to tumblr HQ.

i'm gonna work in another tag and report as many blogs as possible that use that tag and get back to y'all just one sec.

*30 minutes later* i think my brain has hopped on a flight to aruba because i'm so taken aback i can't function. i can't believe i found a gaggle of teenaged girls who draw pictures of dead nazis and headcannon them all as gay. and then claim that they can do what they want because they're autistic.

i think i just spaced out in front of the screen for ten minutes. i think i gotta go.

[swabhimansingh]

I Vitelloni: A Deep Dive into Fellini's Classic

Italian cinema has been quite revolutionary and, personally, extremely underrated. It takes immense work to create a film that delivers what it wants to offer. And ‘I Vitelloni‘ has done its job quite well. Directed by Federico Fellini, I Vitelloni is a tale of a group of friends who seem to be, or definitely are, typical ‘losers’ and follows the story of the lady-charmer, Fausto. The film…

[faustos-restaurant]

Fausto's Delish Meaty Promotion

Our beautiful ladies handing out flyers for the Delish Meaty Feast Promotion. For more details contact 068 000 5990 or www.faustos.co.za #Faustos #meatyfeast #Klerksdorp #delishmeatyfeast

[mermaidsirennikita]

Too bad now you have to give recs of "hero goes down on the clueless heroine and she’s like wow thanks that was AMAZING, can women do that to men too? 🤔 " haha

I love the clueless heroine going down on the hero, she has no idea what she is doing but her eagerness makes it a 10, Best blow job of my life 🤌🏻

@hptriviachamp posts every time the latter thing happens with a very apt meme that makes me laugh every time (IT AIN'T MUCH BUT IT'S HONEST WORK)

I can't remember a lot of PARTICULAR moments, but for these moments or this vibe:

You should definitely try Elisa Braden for this vibe. Mooost of her heroines are virgins (honestly: too many of them for me lol, I do need a bit more variation) and they're often all "WHAT'S THIS BUTTON DO" about sex. Her Midnight in Scotland series is really good. I think The Taming of a Highlander is the one where the hero is like "THERE'S NO WAY IT'LL FIT. WE MUSTN'T." and she's like "la la la it grows exponentially bigger when I look at it, I suppose I shall attempt to stuff it in la di da" blase about it.

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover by Sarah MacLean, one of her best. The heroine's a scientist who initially gets the hero to teach her about sex only! Verbally! Before graduating to physically! Also! She's very "if he'd let me study his penis with a magnifying glass I would" in nature. I also really enjoy the scene where he eats her out, comes in his pants, and immediately afterward is caught when his buddy stumbles in like "hey where do we keep th--OH. SORRY."

The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy doesn't have this scene/a totally clueless heroine, but it does have a scene where the hero is like "my dick is trying to make friends with your pussy" so there's that.

And in the same sense, because I fucking know these authors are friends and there's no way this was a total coincidence... Frankie in Mila Finelli's Mafia Mistress & Mafia Darling is NOT a virgin by any means. But when she and Fausto make it official, they do immediately roleplay him deflowering her as if she has literally never seen a dick in her life and it's HILARIOUS. Like these are DEEPLY COMMITTED people going "oh no! what's that????" "it's my dick! it's trying to say hello!" and I. Die. Not only because it's very funny, but because it actually makes their relationship more authentic to me. That's the kind of shit you only do with someone you deeply trust lmao.

Grace Callaway is gonna give you this vibe. Not all of her heroines are virgins, but the ones who are... often are precocious... and will like stuff their mouths with the hero's dick like they're doing the chubby bunny challenge.... The Duke Who Knew Too Much comes to mind because he's like "NO WAIT STOP THERE'S CRIME AFOOT" but she's already going for it.

Speaking of, Elizabeth Hoyt's Duke of Pleasure always deserves cred for the singular moment in which the hero and (virgin, grew up as a street rat dressed as a boy) heroine are investigating crime and some evildoers come upon them and he's like "quick just pretend you're blowing me" and she does start like, a mild actual beej while he's telling the guys "PLEASE LEAVE I'M GETTING BLOWN BY MY DOXY~" but after the guys leave he's all "so you can stop" and she's like "no no no I'm going somewhere with this". This one is special to me because he makes her spit into his fancy handkerchief after and I promise that even if he didn't know it that's when he decided to marry that girl.

I would say How to Marry a Marquess is one you should check out--by Stacy Reid. It's a classic "brother's best friend teaches me how to be sexy and then things get Really Outta Hand" book. I also really liked this one scene in it when his whole "let me teach you what dudes are into" thing leads to him like, eating her out in a moving carriage and when the carriage stops he does an entire "EGADS" jump off of her.

I need to reread The Lady Gets Lucky, but that's a rake meets virgin sex lessons book, and I have to think based off the scene I remember where he's like 30 seconds away from coming just from watching her lick her lips, there's a lot happening.

[melogranoinsanguinato]

About

Name: Fausto Damiano

Species: Dhampir (formerly human)

Age: 100+ (turned at 21 in 1942)

Nationality: Italian

Ethnicity: Greek, Italian, unknown

Gender: Cis Male

Sexuality: Biromantic, Demisexual

Alignment: Neutral Evil or Lawful Neutral

Occupation: Army Field Medic (formerly), Antiques Dealer (current)

Appearance: Dark hair, brown(occasionally red) eyes, pale skin, several tattoos, 5'11", medium build. Usually wears a leather motorcycle jacket that he’s had since the ‘40s with several pins, patches, and enchantments on it(functions as +1 armor and a Cloak of the Bat), as well as ripped jeans, black biker boots, a studded black belt, several rings, bracelets, wristbands, tied handkerchiefs, and occasionally chokers. Also tends to wear eyeliner and smudged black eyeshadow.

Background: Fausto Damiano was a soldier on the wrong side of a war that had no right side. A field medic with no love for violence and an outright hatred for those who used it to gain power over others, he did his best to help his fellow soldiers after getting drafted, but he could not find it within himself to truly believe in the cause they were fighting for. It wasn’t long before he made a plan to desert. His escape from the battlefield was nearly flawless; no one noticed him slinking away amidst the chaos and bloodshed, and he made it out unscathed.

He spent the next year hopping from town to town, village to village, stealing whatever he had to in order to survive and romancing every beautiful, naïve young lady he came across. He enjoyed the freedom he’d earned for himself without a care for what it might have cost others. However, in time, there was a girl he met who managed to catch more than just his eye. She was the daughter of a nobleman, already betrothed to marry another of her station, but she was far too good for that. To Fausto, she was every bit as radiant as Juliet was to Romeo, though she was equally as cunning as she was beautiful. As these stories are wont to turn out, she gripped his heart and became his downfall. He began to court her in secret, walking the streets by moonlight and sharing stolen kisses and secrets. It only took a month for Fausto to propose, and after careful consideration, she accepted…on one condition. The man to whom she had been betrothed had a mysterious yet incredibly wealthy benefactor who was rumored to be in possession of a very powerful amulet. She so coveted it, stating that it would make her happier than any engagement ring.

Naturally, Fausto set out to steal it for her, using all of his wile and guile to infiltrate the ancient mansion of the benefactor. He’d managed to get the amulet in hand when he was finally caught, though the fate that befell him was much worse, in his mind, than any prison sentence or death penalty. The benefactor and owner of the mansion was deceptively youthful and beautiful, appearing to only be a decade older than him at the most. Rather than calling for guards or law enforcement, the man gave him a crooked and disarming smile that made him question a lot of things about himself, then politely informed Fausto that his lady love had tricked the boy in order to make good on a deal they’d made. He then explained that he was a Vampire Lord by the name of Count Mortimer Ambrose, and that he desired to turn Fausto rather than kill him because of his inhuman beauty. Fausto tried to run, almost refusing to believe any of it, but the Count caught him easily, seducing and bedding him before feasting on his blood and transforming him into a vampire. A part of him died that night that he thought could never be reborn.

The half-century that followed was miserable for Fausto. He tried several times to escape, but was never successful, even after the Count moved his coven to America following the end of the Second World War. Forced to comply and watch as countless innocents were slaughtered by his coven, he eventually concluded that it would be best for him to simply play his part until the perfect opportunity finally came along. He devoted himself to learning magic in the meantime, leaning on the guidance of Hades and Persephone to aid him and give him at least some shred of hope.

Finally, on Halloween of 1985, Fausto managed to manipulate a group of college kids who were dared to stay the night in the manor into helping him escape, framing it as him helping them to survive his Maker’s dark machinations and escape with their lives. The group fought hard, having raided the armory with Fausto’s help, and the desperate Dhampir took the opportunity to extricate himself from the manor amongst them before disappearing into the night. He’s spent the last few decades roaming up and down the Eastern Seaboard, staying in certain places long enough to either grab a quick meal and a bit of a rest or blend in and lay low. New York is by far his favorite haunt.

[bu1410]

Good afternoon TUMBLR - March 23th - 2024

''Mr. Plant has owed me a shoe since July 5, 1971." January 1998 - October 1999 - NLNG - TSKJ Port Harcourt Project (Nigeria).

Part 1.

Background of 1995

If there is a company in the world that does not accept refusals from an individual who is offered a job, well it is called SAIPEM. I was called for the first time in 1995 for a job interview for a project in Nigeria. Together with another twenty candidates, we were gathered in a large room of Head Office ground floor. One of the personnel managers, Mr. Violone immediately said:

''Hi guys, the project for which we are selecting various figures is located in Nigeria, so those of you - for whatever reason - do not agree with this destination… well say it right away, so we'll both save time. At these words, I got up, took my briefcase and started to head for the exit.

No…not you! Violone told me

Why not? I replied – I don't want to go to Nigeria…….

What I said applies to others, not to you, sit down again! Thus the selection proceeded, but during the conversation with Violone and another HR member, I made it clear that I did not want to go to Nigeria. They replied that yes, they understood, but we would talk about it again later. Later they took me up to the fourth floor to talk to a kind lady from the HR Dpt. . She informed me of all the details of possible employment, salary, shifts, and that I had to undergo the yellow fever vaccine

and anti-malarial prophylaxis. Than she took me to Company's Doctor who in turn catechized me' on the risks associated with staying in Nigeria.

- I replied

''It's okay Doc, I've decided I'm not going anyway…'' But the Lady Doctor was part of the ''plot to send me to Nigeria even against my will'' and she gave me a large envelope containing a several med's: red, white, yellow, and a form to fill out before going to the Institute for the Prophylaxis of Infectious Diseases, in Milan, where they would give me the yellow fever vaccine. Then the Hr Lady drop me to Rag. Sargenti, to whom I repeated that I didn't want to go to Nigeria, but he said with that sly manner of his:

Yes, we understand but then we'll see…''

What do we see Mr. Sargenti?

Ehh…let's see….

So I returned home, and about a week passed - then the kind lady from the staff called me:

Did you go to the Clinic to get vaccinated?

No….

Why not?

Why should I go and get vaccinated against yellow fever? In Italy there is no such desease…

But you have to go to Nigeria!

No, I don't have to go to Nigeria… I also reiterated this to Rag. Sargenti.

But how??? Okay let me talk to Sargenti then I'll call you back…. In the afternoon she called again:

Good afternoon, when can you come to San Donato? Is it ok for yoy tomorrow at 10.00 am?

Ok, that's fine with me

Ok then see you tomorrow. The next day I showed up at the 4th Office Building and was immediately admitted to Sargenti's office.

Well? Someone told me you don't want to go to Nigeria…….

Mr. Fausto… I told that your colleague Violone 3 weeks ago…

So Sargenti Addressing the HR Lady: If it's about the salary we can look into fixing it… right Marta?

Marta: Of course Mr. Sargenti… I'll immediately see what it can be done!

Sargenti: Go…go with her …you'll see that she'll put you right'' (squeezing his left eye…) I followed Marta into her office, and after long consultations with her bosses, she finally presented myself with a slightly higher economic proposal than the previous version. Whereupon, with all the patience I was capable of, I told her:

Well Marta, I very greatful to you and to Mr. Sargenti, but I reiterate that my refusal to accept the job for Nigeria. I'm not trying to get a higher salary, I really don't want to go there! Looking at me as if I were an alien (in SAIPEM they were convinced that with a penny they would buy everyone…) she told me with a face that showed all her disappointment (and concern, in the sense that in the end they would blame her for the failure of the deal).

''Okay'…I will report what you said to Mr. Sargenti…bye'' This was how SAIPEM's first attempt to send me to Nigeria ended.

DEPARTURE TO NIGERIA But as already mentioned, SAIPEM does not accept any ''Great Refusals'': how dare the ''poor fixed-term employee'' refuse a ''generous'' job offer from the Large Engineering & Contracting Company of the 'even bigger' ENI Group? Then came the end of 1997, and from the 4th Office Building in San Donato they called me back, to go where? But in Nigeria, of course! They must have thought:

''4 years have passed, he must have been matured by now, and this time he won't say no''.

And so it was, I accepted the job and at beginning of January 1998 I left for Port Harcourt (in the Nigerian English piggin Potthacutt, all attached) via Paris and Lagos. On the Air France from Paris to Lagos I was sitting next to a girl from Benin (the plane after a stop over in Lagos, it would have Togo Capital as final destination). The girl - perhaps in her 25 - was dressed and styled ''dernier crie'' (latest fashion) according to the dictates of African chic fashion: pink jacket-trousers ensemble, leopard-print shawl that matched the leopard-print headdress. Exaggerated make-up, as well as the sunglasses (always leopard-colored, obviously)

Where are you going? The girl asks me.

In Nigeria, in Port Harcourt

Ahh…Sorry for you…. And she explained to my surprise that among Africans, Nigerians were considered the worst ethnic group of all. Lunch time came, the plane was flying over the Sahara, and below you could only see a yellow-ochre sandy desert. A guy sitting in front of me – a gigantic black man – had lowered the entire back of his seat and he was snoring like a hippopotamus. I couldn't even open the coffee table to put the tray on. The Benin girl got up, shook the sleeping gentleman vigorously by the jacket, and uttered aloud incomprehensible sentences interspersed with words in English (basically I think she was telling him if he wasn't ashamed to behave in such a way as to impede another passenger, to consume his lunch regularly) And she straighten his seat. The guy was dazed, woken up in the middle of his sleep, and could only utter some mumbling noises, but he straightened the back of his chair, thus allowing me to have lunch. The girl sat down, and she seemed very satisfied with her performance: she had ''fixed'' a Nigerian! The arrival formalities in Lagos went quite quickly: I had been catechised on all the possible difficulties of entering Nigeria, especially the first time.

A Customs policeman raving in my suitcase said: what do you bring for me?

Sorry Sir, I don't know you…. You don't know me? I KNOW YOU!! VERY WELL!!

It's my first time in Nigeria, Sir.

Naah…don't tell me so…… He was happy with the 20 dollar bill "found" by chance in my passport. I went through passport control and customs, and as per the instructions of the driver sent on site by SAIPEM, I headed towards the Domestic Flights terminal - which was right next to the International flights, separated only by chicken nets that designated the path. Well… ''Domestic Flight Terminal'' was too big a word for it: in fact it was a low wood and sheet metal shed, while the fan blades were spinning in vain overhead, trying to relieve the oppressive heat. After a quick check in, I sat on one of the wooden benches, waiting to get on the ATR42 which in just over an hour would take me (perhaps) to Port Harcourt. The flight was called – or rather I heard crackling on the loudspeaker – but I saw the other passengers heading towards the aircraft and so I got up too. We got on board, and once we were seated, the oppressive heat began to make me sweat. After about twenty minutes someone protested, and then the engines were started, which allowed the air conditioning system to be turned on. Suddenly (perhaps due to the difference in temperature between outside and inside?) the fog lifted inside the plane: we couldn't see anything at all! The stewardess passed into the corridor, saying that the phenomenon would last for a few minutes. I was tired, bored and sweating profusely, I looked at the floor and I couldn't see well but……that really looked like asphalt to me!! I tried to check better and.......yes! Below, about 2 meters down - looking through a 2 cm crack, approximately 20 cm long - I could see the parking lot asphalt! I rang the bell to call the hostess – who arrived immediately – I showed her the slot, and she said:

''Yes, it's true, it's a crack''- And she left.

She returned a few minutes later with a mat like the one for cars. itwas placed over the slot, than she looked at my face with a smile that meant: ''See how easy repaire was''? We landed at Port Harcourt airport after 1 hour and 15 minutes of a smooth flight – it was sunset, and after retrieving my luggage, I saw the SAIPEM driver with the 6-legged dog sign.

Come on Oibo Master……the evening is falling and we have to be in the city before nightfall! He then explained to me – on the bus – that it was forbidden by safety protocol to travel at night. The minibus had been armored by the SAIPEM workshop - it resembled one of those vehicles from the Mel Gibson's Mad Max: all sides were by heavy sheets of metal - 14 mm dia concrete rod grids were orotecting the windows, windshield and rear glass. Iron spikes had been welded together on the bodywork, to the point of making it look like a self-propelled steel armadillo.

Too much dangerous!! - Driver said - Criminals are renting uniforms from cops and set up fake checkpoints - once you stop, they point their guns at you, and if you're lucky they steal everything from you!

And if you are unlucky?

Then they beat you because maybe they are drug addicts, or there is someone who particularly hates you Oibos!

Let's do well…. We arrived without problems in the city in the GRA (Government Residential Area) district where SAIPEM had rented a series of guest houses from the Nigerian Army. I was welcomed by the legendary Camp Chief Mr. Gaudio: Welcome to Nigeria!

Mr. GAUDIO

After being assigned in one of the GUEST HOUSE #3 rooms, Gaudio told me to come down for dinner. I met the first SAIPEM colleagues who were already at the table in the large dining room. From that evening I remember Mr. Agricola (Procurement Manager) - Mr. Zaccala (Senior Construction Manager) Villiam Torcolacci (Deputy Senior Construction Manager) Roberto Castagnetti (QA/QC Manager) Giuseppe Pomelari (Civil Supervisor) Mariano Patane' (HR Manager) Mr. Lavallin (aka ''Snow'' for his almost white blonde hair) Pipeline supervisor, Australian – Dario Buccellati and then the vast representation of Colombians, led by Mr. Coronado. Mr. Castagnetti, a man over 2 meters tall, lived in Guest House 1, but since dinner was served with approximately 30 minute intervals in the different Guest houses, he was able to eat in both Guest house 1 and Guest house 2. Gaudio was the former cop-driver of the police Pantera who, in the early 1960s, captured the famous gangster Cavallero. For the merits acquired in that action, Gaudio was hired by SAIPEM and became the Company CEO's driver. After years of honorable service (which meant entire days lounging in the drivers' lounge at 4 * Palazzo Uffici in San Donato) he had been sent to Nigeria for the last years of his employment. The guy was fat, old and tired, and the joke with him during breakfast time was always the same:

Agricola: How many you did tonight Gaudio?

Gaudio: ''The usual 4: three attempts and one give up!'' Eventually Gaudio was fired on the spot after a rather strange incident. Mr. Caselli, CEO of SAIPEM Nigeria, had arrived for a couple of day visit to Port Harcourt.

Is everything okay Gaudio? Is my room ready? (there was a room reserved for VIP visits inside Guest House 2)

Sure Mr. Caselli, everything's fine!! Caselli went up to the first floor, while we waited diligently for him in the living room, to have dinner all together.Than suddenly we heard a piercing cry:

Aihahahaaaaaajhhhhh……Followed by a thud! Gaudio, despite his belly, went up the stairs running and rushed into Mr. Caselli room, followed by his assistant. In the bathroom a shocking scene: Caselli on the floor, naked, terrified! As soon as he had put his foot in the bathtub and touched the taps, the latter - probably (indeed certainly) in short circuit with the electric water heater had given him a shock which had fortunately thrown him to the floor, and without any other consequences if not strong blows all over the body!

What followed was the inhuman scream and Gaudio's run upstairs. We all stood at the base of the stairs, waiting to find out what had happened. Gaudio's assistant was the first to get out, to go and call the Croatian doctor, who was at Guest House 3. He briefly told us what happened, and we all breathed a sigh of relief, learning that Mr. Caselli was alive. The doctor came accompanied by the nurse and went upstairs. Upon their return, after a good half hour, everything seemed resolved: Mr. Caselli did not need further checks and was resting in his room.

The next day, when we returned from site, Gaudio had already left for Italy.

The TSKJ project consisted of an oil pipeline that started from the bush within the River State, and precisely from the Obi Obi plant and after 140 km of forests and swamps, it jumped into the sea to reach Bonny Island, the island from where most of Nigeria's oil is exported. SAIPEM's scope of work included the Procurement and Construction of the pipeline, and of the Support Base, a base from where the flow of crude oil would be managed. At the same time, other projects were being executed in Nigeria by SAIPEM Contracting Nigeria – and several SAIPEM Drilling Nigeria rigs were operating both on shore and off shore. During my stay in the African country, SAIPEM acquired a large area adjacent to a main branch of the Niger River, to build a large logistics base that would serve all of East Africa. The base was reachable by large tonnage ships, given that the Niger was navigable. For this purpose, a jetty was built, where ships could dock and be unloaded/loaded. When I arrived all the expatriate employees lived in the GRA area, but the Company, once what was already called ''New Base'' was finished, intended to transfer all the people there to a place called Rumolumeni, about 20 km from Part Harcourt.

COLLEAGUES

There is a lot to say here, as they once said. In Nigeria I met several different characters, defining them ''as unique'' is to use a euphemism. Who to start with? So I have already had the opportunity to mention that the CEO of the two SAIPEM companies was Mr. Caselli, known as ''l'ingeggne'' - from Ancona - A Great Personality, he always spoke dialect. In the future he would become # 2 of SAIPEM, only to be ''sacrificed'' by the CEO Eng. Cao, who, faithful to the dogma ''better they kick him out than me'' had Caselli kicked out. Ingeggne' governed SAIPEM Nigeria situation with the usual mix of carrot and stick typical of the Marche people. And anyway Caselli resided in Lagos, so we in Port Harcourt rarely saw him.

MORENO BARTOLUCCI.

Moreno was the Project Director in Port Harcourt - I had the opportunity to appreciate his qualities, but only for a short time: following the death of a local driver, who ended up in the Niger River with a Company trailer, TSKJ requested and obtained the removal of Moreno. To tell the truth, when the SAIPEM divers reached the cabin of the trailer they found 3 bodies - it was later ascertained that the driver had picked up a couple of people who were asking for a ride - this fact worsened (?) Bartolucci's position, according to the TSKJ SAFETY & SECURITY Committee. To avoid clashing with the consortium, SAIPEM, at the suggestion of SNAMPROGETTI (it still existed and SAIPEM was in fact its Sub-Contractor) decided to replace Moreno. Thus, Moreno's replacement, Lucio Linassi, soon arrived.

LUCIO LINASSI

I immediately got on well with Lucio – North/Western Italian, frank, helpful, a truly lovable person. His office was always open, in the true sense of the term – he did not disdain a joke, he was always ready to concretely help each one of us in case of problem. He will have a good career, I will find him again in Aksai in Kazakhstan, before he became the Project Director of an important project on Shakalin Island, in the far east of Siberia.

VILLIAM TORCOLACCI

On paper Deputy Construction Manager (and therefore Zaccala's ''second'') could barely tolerate it. He had been sent to Nigeria following serious events that occurred in Colombia, where SAIPEM was building the Trans-Andean gas pipeline. William was already an 'old' SAIPEM at the time (he will spend his entire life within the Company, until retirement, and will meet him again in the Emirates in 2012). He therefore had all the strengths and weaknesses of the old SAIPEM. Independence, discipline, attachment to Society, criticism of everything others did, only he was never wrong. One Sunday we went together to the Airport Hotel swimming pool - it was said to be one of the few ''safe'', in the sense that the water was regularly checked and the chlorine was not in excess. We could easily have lunch by the pool, and in the afternoon a local band (quite good I must admit) entertained the swimmers with songs of their music. We were lying in the shade, sipping tropical drinks, when the pool manager - baggy trousers, Hawaiian shirt - approached, with the characteristic "steep step" of the Nigerian who wants to offer you "a deal". -Good morning – he said crouching down in front of us who were lying down, reading some Italian magazines – is everything okay?

Thank you, everything is fine.

Ehh…are you alone here?

Yes, it's me and him....

Well…I would like to suggest a couple of girls…for company…you can have lunch together at the pool restaurant later….

No thanks……we are here to spend a few hours…go for a swim…eat something and that's it….

Well… we'll see …. And he left - apparently the matter seemed closed, but after half an hour minutes he reappeared from the other side of the pool, waving at us to attract our attention, while four or five girls in bikinis paraded in front of us - a parade organized only for us!! The girls walked back and forth and then disappeared into the bar. At this point the manager returns:

Soooo? He said full of hopes – have you seen that ''stuff''?

Listen - Villiam says - forget it, right? Can't you see that we are here calmly and just want to relax?

Okkkaayy…okkaaay – he says (and when a Nigerian says that it's because it's not okay at all and he will continue for a long time to come)

So I understood that you have refined tastes and so what do you want? -At that moment Villiam realizes that on the magazine's cover he was reading there was a photo of Naomi Campbell and so he tells him:

Do you see Naomi? If you have one like that we can talk about it.

Naomi? Naomi??? Ahhha……You're lucky Oibo!!!………I HAVE A TWIN SISTER OF HER!! ……I'll send her to you rightaway!!! After a few minutes the guy reappears at the other side of the pool accompanied by a beautiful girl who actually resembles Naomi in some way - he gives her a push, and winks at us.The girl walks past us, gives us a smile and then returns to the guy. Who comes back towards us and says:

So what? What did I tell you? Isn't she Naomi's twin? How about?

Villiam: listen, what are you drinking? I'll offer you a Star (local beer) if you leave us alone, okay?

Okay…go for the Star…big bottle though!!

DALCIN MARIO

During the site setting up, Mario was my assistant - typical guy from Venice's region, big and strong, honest worker, he gave me a great help. During the impasse of starting work one day, after a Zaccala's suggestion, we went together to the logistics base in Onne, not far from Port Harcourt. The aim was to get from the Base Chief all the equipment, containers, offices - that would be needed to build the Support Base. The containers and equipment chosen - as expected - were slow to arrive in Port Harcourt, and it took several reminder emails and calls from Mr. Linassi too to unblock the situation. All the material sent was in pitiful condition, and it took great patience and skill on Dal Cin's part to arrange ''decent'' offices and warehouse. Following the arrival of Salvatore Curella (whom I had already met during the Taweela project in Abi Dhabi) Dal Cin was moved to the construction of the New Base. One day, Dalcin, exasperated by the behavior of a local worker, gave him an open-handed slap in the face (Mario had hands like shovels). The worker fell to the ground, as if hit by an uppercut from Mike Tyson, and began to roll in the mud as if he had been bitten by a scorpion. Then, getting up, he shouted to all the bystanders that ''they were witnesses of yet another vile and racist attack perpetrated by an oibo on the poor Nigerian''. The following day an alleged ''lawyer'' of the aforementioned individual (who had been admitted to the local hospital complaining of serious brain damage following the slap) delivered a letter to the SAIPEM personnel office (copy to the local Chief of Police and to the Governor of the River State) in which the incident was narrated (citing the witnesses) and a ''provisional'' of 3,000,000 million USD was requested pending the damages being ascertained by further clinical examinations. In truth, the letter was the classic copy/paste version of hundreds of other letters circulating in Nigeria, only adapted to the new circumstances. Having learned of the incident, Eng. Caselli told Del Cin:

Hey Mario… I think it's time for you to start saving from your pocket money if you want pay these three million…''

It all ended in nothing like so many other times, that is, with the payment of a few naira as ''compensation'' to the guy who had received the slap.

AGRICOLA SAVERIO

Saverio, recently retired, was a great figure within SAIPEM. Originally from Bologna, he was the Procurement Manager in Port Harcourt. Saverio would have liked to be an airline pilot, but his desire soon clashed with his incurable stammer. He underwent exhausting courses to improve his speech, but in the end he had to surrender to the evidence. He too, like Torcolacci, has spent his entire working life in SAIPEM. He was hired at the age of twenty-two and sent to Algeria as a workshop mechanic's assistant. He showed up at the construction site in Skikda one morning, asking for the Construction Site Manager - who was on the line at that moment. The warehouse worker called him alarmed on the radio telling him to come back immediately ''because an Italian arrived driving a white Mercedes Pagoda with Bologna license plate, dressed in a white suit, white shoes and a white Panama hat''.

The Construction Site Manager, thinking it was a big shot from the Headquarters who had arrived unexpectedly, returned to the Base driving the off-road vehicle at full speed. When he arrived, he made Saverio sit in the office, offered him coffee and a cold drink, and then asked:

Well, may I know who you are and what you came down here to do?

Well… what… my name is Saverio Agricola, I'm a new hire and I'm coming as a mechanic's assistant!

At which the Site Manager was taken aback for a moment but then - reacting and replied:

And you show up dressed like this, complete with Mercedes, and you make me come back from the line in such a hurry that I almost have an accident on the track and you're a fucking assistant mechanic? But whatever the hell…go there…take everything off, put on your overalls and make sure you go to the workshop straight away and don't break my nuts anymore…go ahead….

It must be said that Saverio will come to own 18 cars at the same time, including some historic models of great value, such as a 1956 Bentley - plus four motorcycles, including Harley and Honda Electra Glide: a real obsession, all kept in perfect working order in his farmhouse in the Tuscan Apennines.

Another passion of Saverio's was apartments: as soon as a city was mentioned in a discussion - it could be Paris, Monte Carlo, London or New York, Saverio would list in great detail the addresses where he owned an apartment, and whether it was rented or not at that time.

But here are some of Saverio's ''goodies'' that have gone down in history:

Smell – Smile

One afternoon I was in Saverio's office, when one of his local buyers came in, with the contrite face that only a Nigerian can pu ti, when things ''didn't go as they should have'' (or as Chief Agricola would have wanted them to go) – it must also be added that Saverio, in addition to the defect

already described, in many years had not managed to learn English in a decent way, so to his speech which was already difficult in itself, he added this further problem, at least with the locals.

So you find de …de …de pizis I tell …tell you?

No Chief…I couldn't find it…….

But how can you not find???? Che this pizis is …che is every where here!!??

Sorry Chief…no found… (starting to smile…)

What… what do you smell??? Why smell? In short you don't bring the pizis and you smell??

No Chief …I don't think I smell…… (the other sniffing his shirt and under his armpits)

Nooo…I see you smell……Am I right ??!!!

Yes – I say – he smiled before……

View??!!He too who confirms that you smell… GOOD DEAR!! YOU SMELL TODAY BUT I WILL SMELL TOMORROW!! Remember that those who smell last smell better!! GO…GO…GO…….

And then turning to me: nowadays subordinates has no longer any respect!! But I'll make him pay this time!

And I: Do well Saverio…show him who's in charge here!!

YOU MAKE ME DRUM

Again for the series ''it's said like this in English'', one day a supplier of Agricola did not keep his word, and did not provide urgent materials for one of the sites. Saverio had him called to the office and addressed him with harsh words:

What you… what you make me drum??? (Did you piss me off?)

No Sir… (The supplier did not understand, having to supply cement and blocks, what the drums had to do with it)

Nooo…you …you make me drum…and now I cancel you order……via…via…

COLANDER

In the evening, upon returning from the site, a visit to the Agricola office always reserved ''epic moments''. So that evening Saverio was telling one of his buyers that the kitchens were asking for new colanders.

That…that…well…he doesn't understand…we want item for pasta, do you understand?

No Boss……the desolation could be seen in Sam's eyes….

Okay…so…let's see…that you understand when pasta finish boiling is al dente though?

Yes Boss….

So what do you do? You put pasta inside 'colapasta''……so WATER GO PASTA STOP!!!

Strainer for pasta Capo??

What…call it whatever the f*** you want………but buy 5 okay?? Go…go go….

TV

A evening, returning home late, I found Saverio sitting in the living room, steering at television – but the TV was off.

Saverio, what are you doing?

I watch that… that I watch TV….

Yes but the TV is off…

Yes, I know… I turned it off… first….

Ok… how long has it been since you went on holiday?

Ehhh…what…what a few 6 months…

I think it's time for you to get some vacation…. good night……

CIVIL ENGINEER Saverio was the second individual I met in SAIPEM who had a grudge against Civil Engineers. (And the reason was never understood). One evening Moreno Bartolucci was also present at dinner – a rather rare occurrence, given that the Top Management lived in a separate Guest House. During dinner Moreno was at the head of the table, and Saverio sat next to him. The topics were the usual ones, from what was happening on the various sites, sport etc - every now and then Saverio intervened with irony and sarcasm, and the ending was always ''yes but a Civil Engineer did it'' or ''of course he turned out to be disgusting, they had the Civil Engineer do it for him'' and so on. Bartolucci ate with his head down, apparently uninterested in the chatter around him - until, we were about halfway through dinner, he slammed his napkin on the table, jumped up and started to leave. Saverio jumped up asking:

Sorry what…sorry Mo…Moreno…did I say something wrong?

And Moreno: I'm a Civil Engineer … didn't you know?? And he left'

The rest of the evening passed in almost total silence.