#lady fausto

[faustocosgrove]

and on the fifteenth day of reviewmas I, Fausto, give to thee:

15 excuses as to why i’m still doing this bit…

14 missing light sources

[(a show taking place in 2040/6 other shows i reference in this dual review)/(a different franchise with 1 manga + 4 anime series + 3 tv specials + 5 feature films + 1 musical +1 video game + 2 live action adaptations)] - (one show released in 1994 - the other released in 1987) = 13 reasons why i’m placing this review at number 13.

one of 12 instances of elder abuse

11 yawns

my 10 remaining brain cells after this shitty movie jfc

9 instances this show reminded me of a better show

an 80s cult movie

7 lgbt main characters in an incredibly queer manga like holy shit

6 ye olde government agents

5/5 stars best movie of the decade easily. might be the best movie of all time

4 scantily clad teenaged girls (fbi open up! meme)

the 3rd time i read the same book about lawns maybe?

2 high school animes

and a ninja book

…from a guy who still thinks about the naruto series in the year 2024

An Elderly Lady Is Up To No Good

… i saw the title and thought it’d be a great opportunity to make a milf joke in a review, but the MC, Maud, is a bit outside what i would categorize as a milf. she’s 88 years old. so that didn’t quite meet my expectations.

i guess the theme of this book is not meeting my expectations. first of all, when i finally got my hands on it, the book looked like it’d been hit with a cartoon shrink ray. the cover is about the size of an index card. then i found out that “elderly lady” meant 88, not like, 60. 60 would have not been weird to make a milf joke.

the other thing about this book is that i was told this book is a comedy. and i mean, i suppose conceptually the idea of an 88 year old lady killing people who bother her is funny, but the book is translated from swedish and between the translation and the cultural disconnect it just wasn’t coming across as funny. it was more insightful than funny when Maud would act like like she was senile and you can hear her thoughts and know this is a ruse. and like, i guess the part where Maud is face to face with dildos is supposed to be funny but i think i know too many grannies in real life who talk about penises in front of me for the little old lady being unimpressed with rubber dicks to be comedic.

i also read the entire thing in a day. plus i had plenty of time to do other things. so i was expecting a book to fill my free time instead of dicking around on the internet. alas.

there is a POV shift for one story, and it has a different feel, so kudos to the author for getting Maud’s voice down.

3 stars. it’s not a bad book. i think it would have been more comedic if it was longer and had more stories in it, like some less murdery stories where Maud only pulls pranks or steals stuff from less evil people. like grandma is a vigilante who gets away with it because no one suspects an old lady. like she would have been an excellent pick pocket who uses the money she steals from rich snobby people to buy candy for children. that’d be out of character for her since Maud’s MO is “leave me alone, dagnabit!”, but i think that approach could have been funnier.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Is it weird that I want recs of books with kidnapping?

Not at all! I love kidnapping books. Totally natural. There's a reason why it's a mainstay in the genre.

Historical:

A Rose at Midnight by Anne Stuart. This is a dark historical romance, so TW for past sexual assault of the heroine (not by the hero, but described fairly explicitly), the Reign of Terror in France, and some preeeetty heavy dubcon with the hero. I know a lot of discussion has been had about what constitutes enemies to lovers... THIS. IS. IT. The heroine attempts to poison the hero (she actually does poison him, he just doesn't die as she was planning) for revenge early in the book, then escapes his clutches after he figures out it was her. He chases her down and kidnaps her. Ridiculously good and stupid hot if you're down for some true loooooathing and very complicated feelings.

Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale. Allegreto kidnaps Elayne/Elena to force her to marry him as a part of his Evil Scheme. Noncon first encounter, Kinsale is very true to medieval values--Elena's honestly more bugged by the complications that come with her not being a virgin anymore than anything else, AND I will say this is one of the most fascinating sex scenes I've ever read, because when she bites his shoulder he comes like, immediately and looks at her like FRIGHTENED after, and she realizes that it's because he gave up the game and revealed his fetish for pain/being dominated. Which she does use against him! DELICIOUS.

The Hawk by Monica McCarty. This is kind of a medieval kidnapping of convenience. The hero fishes the heroine out of the water and basically hauls her along with him because she's the daughter of an enemy. He's a pretty jolly kidnapper.

The Last Crimes of Peregrine Hind by Sierra Simone. This is an m/m kidnapping. This highwayman kidnaps a dandy because revenge and ransom reasons, and the dandy is like "I can work with this". Much sex enues, and it's GREAT.

A Kingdom of Dreams by Judith McNaught. Classic medieval kidnapping; the heroine is Scottish, and the English hero has his men kidnap her (and her sister, I think?) because war. Unfortunately for him, this girl is PSYCHOTIC.

Seduce Me at Sunrise by Lisa Kleypas. Not a traditional kidnapping, but Kev does kidnap Win as a part of some marriage tradition stuff--ties her up and everything. She is VERY enthusiastic about being kidnapped because she's been begging for his dick for the entire book, and he does give it to her for like 24 hours straight.

Duke of Desire by Elizabeth Hoyt. This is one where the hero kidnaps the heroine and forces her to marry him to keep her safe from the villains, but he then refuses to consummate the marriage because he has some pretty severe trauma from being sexually abused as a child (TW, obviously). The heroine wants children, so this presents a problem.

Scandalous Desires by Elizabeth Hoyt. This is kind of a coerced kidnapping--Mickey left his infant daughter on orphanage lady Silence's doorstep, and she's been raising the baby for months and has fallen in love with her. So when Mickey takes the baby back (because his enemies are after him and he doesn't want her used against him) she comes running, and he's basically like, if you want the baby you have to stay in captivity here. She agrees.

The Dragon and The Pearl by Jeannie Lin. DELICIOUS. The hero is a warlord, and the heroine is the previous emperor's concubine. He's sure she knows secrets, so he kidnaps her to get them out of her. Sadly, she is very smart, and he finds this Difficult.

Contemporary:

Possession by Adriana Anders. This is more of a kidnapping kink--the heroine fantasizes about being kidnapped, so her husband enlists his buddy to help him fulfill that fantasy in a BIG way. A threesome ensues!

Mafia:

Mafia Mistress by Mila Finelli. Fausto kidnaps Frankie so that she can marry his son, Giulio. However, Fausto ends up being muuuuch more into her, so he pivots to making her his mistress. Duology, leads into Mafia Darling.

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli. Enzo blows up a bar and fakes Gia's death in order to kidnap her for revenge (against Fausto; this one stands alone, but I'd recommend reading them in order). He then keeps her in a cage on his yacht and intends to humiliate her, but she actually turns out to be almost as batshit insane as he is, and it gets Out of Hand.

The Professional by Kresley Cole. The hero in this book kidnaps the heroine on the orders of his boss (her biological father). But, after he gets her off in a cornfield, things get complicated...

The Master by Kresley Cole. In this one, the heroine is initially a sex worker hired by the hero, and they hit it off. However, she realizes she missed her birth control or something, and they had unprotected sex during her fertile window, and he's VERY pissed and kidnaps her to wait it out. Much more sex is had, and a chastity belt is involved. Loooove.

Dark:

King's Captive by Amber Bardan. The heroine is kidnapped by the hero on the day he crashes her birthday party and kills everyone there, including her dad. Then we jump three years into the future. This one has... quite a twist.

Paranormal:

Dragon Bound by Thea Harrison. The hero is an ancient dragon shifter, and the heroine steals one (1) penny from his horde as a part of a job she's blackmailed into doing. He is NOT PLEASED and chases her down and kidnaps her. However, he's also quickly like "I like the way she smells and her pretty hair and I want to keep her forever".

The Warlord Wants Forever by Kresley Cole. Nikolai (a vampire) kidnaps Myst (a valkyrie) as revenge/also just to claim her because she left him with a literally unending boner for FIVE. YEARS. So his long game is to basically keep her captive and shower her with sexual pleasure until she agrees to stay with him forever. Some pretty heavy dubcon/noncon, but in a "she is loving this but says she doesn't" kind of way.

A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole. Lachlain (a werewolf) realizes Emma (a valkyrie/vampire hybrid) is his mate and kidnaps her because, you know, mating, even though he's VERY displeased about this, what with being tortured by vampires for 150 years. Noncon/dubcon involved.

Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole. A lady kidnapping a man! Sabine kidnaps Rydstrom and sexually tortures him in an effort to get him to fuck her and get her pregnant as a part of her brother's nefarious schemes. Dubcon, obvi, though he for sure gets her back on that score...

Lothaire by Kresley Cole. Lothaire keeps Ellie on death row, and when she decides to just not fight it and die he's like "WOW. RUDE." and kidnaps her because he believes she's the vessel for his actual fated mate, an evil goddess. (He is, in fact, incorrect.) One of my favorite things about this is that he has magical wards set up to keep her from escaping his penthouse apartment, so he just sits there and counts down as she runs to try to throw herself out a window or something and nods when he hears her like, bounce off a force field lmao. LOVE THEIR LOVE.

The Fae Queen's Captive by Sierra Simone. F/f kidnapping. The heroine is kidnapped by the fae queen for Mysterious Purposes and becomes her pet. Not a bad gig.

Sci-fi:

Barbarian Alien by Ruby Dixon. The heroine is kidnapped by her fated alien mate, which is very against the rules because these aliens are Feminist Kings. Fortunately for him, she is very horny and decides to go with it.

Barbarian Mine by Ruby Dixon. In this one, the hero is a SUPER barbarian alien, because he was literally raised off the grid by his dad who died when he was young (his dad raised him off the grid because he did in fact kidnap the hero's mom). He kidnaps the heroine because mating bond, and she's also like ".... fine".

[inutilidadeaflorada]

República Faustiana

Vamos exumar um Dutra qualquer A flor que você depõe é íntima do Mercúrio Um desfile mergulhado em pólvora O povo em transe com imagens no meio do abismo

Vamos sambar sob a cova de um Castelo Branco Por quem foi decapitado, por quem não pôde antes Por quem jamais esquecerá, contra o perdão das instituições O rei está deposto e morto, entretanto, sempre no cio

Você se contenta com os discursos de um novo Costa e Silva Você se contenta com ameaças veladas de um elefante branco Você come dos restos de um banquete enferrujado Você funda um ritual de mutualismo com fardas sujas de sangue seco

Beijaram o asfalto, os tragaram em porões O amor conhecendo a coerção O trágico Fausto cantando um carnaval Entre as sombras de um viaduto

Houveram poucos Hermes Batucando seu regresso Ensaiando seu monólogo Para despistar a ordem

Surge um corpo remendado Médici ressuscitava carcaças de Bacantes Para insinua-las a sua nova Lady Lazarus Para que pudesse moldar o encanto

Outro Geisel com obsessão sacra por coturnos Os muitos carnavais ainda com gosto de maçã crepuscular O papel de uma distensão, vagorosamente um trópico se estende Para reluzir sob as convenções ridículas de uma vingança protestante

Por fim aqueles que entoam um Ustra Inflamam um escarcéu, inventam seus rivais Frustram-se em um mar de arrogância Tão incompetentes em performar seus papéis

[isa-beenme]

Moonlight

Chapter 1: Bohemian Rhapsody

When Hybern falls, all of their prior experiments are free to take the world as they want, but for months no one hears anything coming from the castle. Until the massacre. Until the whole palace explodes. Their biggest weapon is out, and she only has one objective: get back to her sisters.

Warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of child abuse, mentions of experiments with human beings, mentions of child murder (please someone tell me if I forgot something)

The reason why I chose the name of the chapter is quite simple: This is the song I listened to and repeated the whole time while I wrote the chapter. Also, Rhapsody means a collection of different beats and rhythms united in a song, and that represents this lovely group of ladies that are together now fighting for their lives. And Bohemia is the city where Fausto (a mythological German character) was born, it's said that he traded his life with a demon for knowledge, eternal life, and love, kinda reminds me of a certain Archeron sister that I created haha

Aemma Archeron never believed she had the chance to reflect on her life. Her routine was simple: rise early, eat breakfast, train her powers, eat lunch, train physically in the camps, eat dinner, study with the king, and return to the cells to sleep. It was easy, it was enough. But then the war came, and Hybern fought and lost.

When Hybern's king fell, so did the girls' hope - though not Aemma's, not exactly. The younger girls still clung to dreams of a future that wasn’t theirs to dream. Their lives had never belonged to them but to the king. After Feyre Cursebreaker freed the High Lords in Prythian, after they stormed the castle, left more broken than before, after obtaining the Book of Breaths, even after Prythian's victory, no one came to free them, the long-forgotten slaves who were supposed to compose Hybern's domination plan. After that, they were all just waiting to die.

They could have left. That was an option. But months after the war ended, a new shipment of children arrived, meant to be turned into fae. The girls couldn’t abandon them; the camp lords and ladies were preoccupied with restoring order, so Aemma and the others cared for the children. It was the perfect moment for someone - anyone - to come and save them. But no one did. The camps restarted, and the children were gone, declared useless by the lords. 

Grief washed over the girls, always a strange feeling for them. They always cried for others, never for themselves. Over time, they stopped caring about their own pain, after all, Faes, they were told, do not grieve. But deep down, they were still human and always would be. Aemma once told the king this, he had laughed at her at the time and told her to only shut up and listen to what he had to teach her, and she had never spoken of it again.

After the grief came anger. The others raged against the camp lords, but Aemma remained the same, always leading, always unbreakable and fierce. For months, they protected those children, fed them, taught them, and loved them as their own. They hadn’t known the Cauldron was gone; if they had, Aemma wouldn’t have let Vivie get so attached. It was a cruel mistake, one she wasn’t prepared to deal with. The king had always known how to keep her in check, to make her his own obedient servant. She knew he was evil, cruel, and sadistic, but somehow, in some deep part of herself, so was she. He had given her a purpose to fight, a role to fill, a task to reach, even if his sense of care was cruel and twisted, he was the only form of care Aemma had ever met. She had grieved for him, too.

But what they had done to the children? Unforgivable. Aemma killed in the name of those who couldn't rise anymore tortured those who were proud of their swords, and fed the Enchantress's soul with their despair. She had enjoyed it, even if she didn't dare to admit it. She burned their homes, their camps, their ships, their souls. Silently, she mastered her power and ended them. The girls took the studies kept in the castle, saving them for their new lives. Whether they sold the knowledge, used it, or gave it away didn’t matter. Hybern was gone, and all that remained were its twisted experiments, finally free to run into the life the Mother had promised them.

Some girls went to Wotawa, others to Vallahan. Aemma and the largest group had made their way to Prythian. Their goal was simple: find a place to call home and start anew. Aemma’s personal objective was to reunite with her sisters, but first, she needed to ensure the safety of her girls.

They arrived at the Spring Court not long after the Black Massacre - as the commoners in Hybern were calling it -, knowing the High Lord had abandoned it. For days, they had mapped the area using Alyssa’s power, which allowed her to see the world differently than the others. Oletta ensured they weren’t caught off guard, feeling any movement from living beings, while Naomi kept them hidden when anyone ventured too close. They worked together seamlessly, though the fear of punishment for mistakes still haunted them, almost as if breathed in their necks every second of the day.

Aemma was lost in thought when Ada approached. "Aemma? Alyssa finished mapping the Night Court. The girls want to know if you'll decide now or if we need to wait."

"Reunite the girls," Aemma replied, standing up. "We're deciding now."

Ada, whose power allowed her to speak with animals, was one of the first to be enslaved by Hybern. Her poor, ragged dress made her stand out from the others, who still wore the training uniforms assigned to them by the king. Aemma was the only one dressed in cobalt blue, chosen for her because of her matching eyes, so the king could always locate her during training.

As Aemma entered the camp, the girls gathered, waiting for the discussion. Alyssa looked excited; her power was finally being used for something good. Aemma somehow understood the feeling, if killing every camp lord to free themselves could be considered something good. 

"Where’s Clover?" Aemma asked. "Someone bring her here, please."

Soon, Clover, a dark-skinned girl with the power to project images from someone's mind, joined them. A detailed map of the Night Court appeared in front of them.

"Okay," Aemma began. "I think we can all agree that the Autumn Court is a no, we know how the High Lord is there. Winter Court is out because Olive needs warmth, and Summer Court is out because Livie needs the cold. We're already in the Spring Court, but the High Lord is still a lost cause, Missy, Lyanna, and Elara are making a list of those who want to stay here to help those who remain here. Anyone with plant, weather, or healing powers is welcome, or anyone who wants to help, for that matter."

With a wave, the map showed the Courts disappearing, leaving only Night and Day.

"Dawn Court is out because of the mountains. Shuri needs space," Aemma said with a smirk as the girls laughed. Shuri, their runner, had collided with a mountain before during one of the training sessions in Hybern, causing days of cleanup and being moved to a more open camp. "That leaves us with Night and Day. And for me, the choice is obvious. The Night Court is the largest, with different races and the most powerful fae leading it. They can help us continue our training and provide resources."

"And why do you think they'll help us?" Vivie asked, her eyes red and puffy from sleepless nights.

"They were the only ones who tried to stop Hybern from the start. Feyre Cursebreaker is the High Lady, and just accepting a High Lady is a good sign. They’re not perfect, but we can help them with our knowledge."

"And it has nothing to do with your sisters being there?" Vivie’s voice was flat, making Aemma stop in her tracks.

"How do you know Nesta and Elain are alive?"

"I heard your conversation with Anika," Vivie replied. "She overheard peasants talking about them and told you. Were you planning to tell us we’re going after your sisters?"

"We’re not after my sisters," Aemma said firmly. "If I had to take you all somewhere else on the other side of the world for your safety, I would. If I had to choose between all of you and my sisters, I'd choose you. The fact that they’re in the Night Court is a coincidence." Vivie lowered her head, and another girl comforted her with a soft hug "I know you're hurt, and I share some of that blame, but we can’t turn on each other now. The Night Court is our best option. If anyone objects, speak now. Otherwise, we leave tomorrow morning." As the group dispersed, Vivie lingered, looking unsure "Anything else?" Aemma asked.

"I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know. It feels weird."

"You’re sad. It’s okay. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you, or this strict. After so long, it’s strange to have so much freedom, I don't know how to deal with this, or… how to communicate with you without sounding like a direct command"

"That's more part of your personality than your training anyway" Vivie whispered, laughing softly at the panned expression she received from Aemma "Sorry again. I'm just tired, I still don't believe this is actually happening"

“I understand, you are one of the oldest here, you are hurt and confused with the new life we received, and I haven't been the softest anyway” Aemma's hand hovered over her friend's shoulder, before returning it to her side when it started to warm.

“Still getting used to your secret power? Hybern never taught you how to control this one” Even if her posture was one of jest, her voice carried a hint of worry in it.

“I'll get used to it at some point, the king never knew about this, I know I would suffer if he did” Her voice kept lowering to the point it ended in a whisper. Vivie took it as a dismissal, rising from where she was sitting before smiling at her sort of leader.

Aemma only watched her leave to her tent, only to be joined by the Enchantress, her shadowed form appearing beside her, laughing.

"It was for the greater good, if you wanted to say anything" Aemma said in the language only the Enchantress could understand.

“Perhaps. But your real goal is to find your dear sisters, isn’t it?" To anyone looking from the outside, it seemed like the female was talking to the shadows that hovered around her own shoulders and ears, but in Aemma's eyes, the old spirit took the form of a little girl smiling at her.

"Maybe. But these girls are my family, too" The Enchantress's shadow draped over Aemma, the voice fading into the recesses of her mind.

“You are so much fun, sweet girl. I'll be here waiting for this new adventure of yours” She always knew that the old death demon liked her, and found Aemma more amusing than anything. Even if it pained her to admit, she liked to have special treatment from anyone. She was a selfish person, terribly prideful and stubborn, she knew that much, and the king made sure to engrave it in her mind from the beginning. But it never hurt as much as lying to get to her own personal objectives. Even if she tried saying the contrary, she knew she was every bit what the king forged her to be.

[cozyaliensuperstar7]

Beyoncé 👑 🐝

bla_ckbey:

#BeyFashionFRIDAY ✨ 2004 Beyoncé & Roberto Cavalli were a force! Her first tour “Dangerously In Love” aka “Ladies First Tour” was entirely wardrobed by the iconic fashion house! This is a love affair that has transcended throughout the Queens career, she has worked with all the Italian house’s designers, Roberto himself, Peter Dundas, and today’s Fausto Puglisi. From the Dangerously in Love era, at private events, to the famous lemonade dress (Hold Up), The Mrs. Carter Show World Tour, Grammy Performances, On The Run II Tour, and even to present the Renaissance World Tour. Not only does the brand dress bey they make sure the dancers are covered as well!

[triviareads]

I'm posting this one a little sooner than the end of the month because I'm off to the west coast for the holidays and most of these books are Christmas or New Year's-themed!

Mafia Virgin by Mila Finelli

The final installation of Mila's Kings of Italy series came out last week, and here is my review (and here are my excess notes). SPEAKING of Mila Finelli—

Fausto and Frankie Bonus Scene by Mila Finelli

If you would like some warm, mafia Christmas goodness with a side of chasing, Mila Finelli wrote a (free!) bonus scene set after Mafia Darling that I've linked above. It features gems such as Frankie fucking around with calling Fausto an old man repeatedly and finding out (which, to be clear, was her end goal), Fausto pondering on whether to tell the number of men he's killed with an axe when Frankie questions his ability to chop down a Christmas tree, and a visit from (then-failson mafioso, but forever a fave) Giulio.

Duke the Halls by Felicity Niven

The thing about Felicity Niven's historical romances is that they all start off relatively light, humorous even, but you inevitably find yourself swiping away tears as you read through the last few chapters. Duke the Halls is about a grumpy neurodivergent duke who finds himself enamored with a ladies companion he meets in a stagecoach. I adore Franny; she's earnest and upbeat and the very embodiment of holiday spirit without being naive (she's also a bit of a neologist). Kit, the duke, is more of an acquired taste but it's hilarious to read how gone he is for this woman right off the bat— to the point where he wishes he were a worse kisser so she could "practice" with him more, he admits he actually kinda does suck at sex, and nearly crashes a carriage when she agrees to sleep with him. God bless him. Felicity Niven doesn't shy away from going off the beaten path with her sex scenes; expressions of pleasure are never sanitized and they always feel real and honest.

My Present This Year by Sierra Simone

Sierra Simone unironically wrote a (step!) sibling romance some years ago (linked above— it's free!), inspired by that 2009 Folger's coffee commercial called "Coming Home". You know the one. Upon reread, Nick is is kind of giving "early version Tristan Thomas from Sierra's Lyonesse Trilogy" vibes. It also has all the hallmarks of a Sierra Simone romance: tragic pining-induced celibacy, there's a nickname with "little" in the beginning, someone is a biter, the lines "I want to be a good stepbrother" are uttered...

Her Virgin Duke by Nicola Davidson

If you're in the mood for a Christmas-themed romance ft. virgin dukes who learn to fuck shockingly fast (wow sex lessons seems to be the theme of these holiday romances), then this is the novella for you! The Duke of Tunbury aka Humdrum Tun is a virgin who doesn't even masturbate until he he meets brothel madam Delilah on a bet, and within days the man's basically an animal in the sack. His learning curve is only matched by that of Beck's from The Major's Welcome Home by Tessa Bailey and Nick Gentry's from Worth Any Price by Lisa Kleypas.

Size Doesn't Matter by Jennie Kew

Sophie is a famous plus-sized model who unwittingly hooks up with her ex(ish)'s younger brother Jack on New Year's Eve, and when she finds out, she's Not Happy. Jennie Kew is a solid erotic romance writer who writes a lot of books with kink, and I've loved nearly even book she's written in her Bennett's Bastards series. This is probably one of the softer books in her series, both tone and sex-wise, but I love how she wrote Sophie being both bigger and taller, and she's in her thirties, but she's still very much a brat sexually— I feel like a lot of authors equate this with dainty little girls— and Jack clocks this right off the bat and is very much here for it. This book also features one of my much-loved tropes often found in Harlequins.... :D

[mudkipper]

13 Questions About Books

Tagged by @nudibranchpropaganda , thanks for the tag!!

1. The last book I read

Diane Seuss's frank: sonnets, for class, but I did like it as I do like poetry unlike a lot of people in that class lmao

2. A book I recommend

Roadside Picnic by Argady and Boris Strugatsky. The movie Stalker and the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. games are based off of it :)

3. A book I couldn't put down

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg!! I had to read it for class last semester and ended up loving it, wish I read it sooner

4. A book I've read twice (or more)

I've never read a book more than once oops

5. A book on my to-be-read

The books my sociology professor last semester gave me: Sexing the Body by Anne Fausto-Sterling and Suits Me: The Double Life of Billy Tipton by Diane Middlebrook

6. A book I've put down

I never finished Lady of the Lake by Andrzej Sapkowski in the Witcher series, idk why, probably school got in the way or something

7. A book on my wishlist

I've been meaning to read Jeff Vandermeer's Southern Reach trilogy, which the movie Annihilation was based on

8. A favorite book from childhood

I remember my mom reading The Tale of Desperaux by Kate DiCamillo out loud to me twice, the copy of the book we have has the edges of the pages all worn and wavy like they were eaten up

9. A book I would give to a friend

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, im thinking of one friend in particular, but still it's a very very good book

10. A fiction book I own

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

11. A nonfiction book I own

What Is Anarchism? by Donald Rooum

12. What I am currently reading

Nothing, yikes. Don't read super frequently anymore, but when I do read I'll finish books within days

13. What I plan on reading next

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Soon, I'm going to the beach for a few days and I always read on the beach for hours and hours so

No book shelf picture because I don't own a shelf :)

No pressure tags: @unstablecryptid @johnwickyaoi @frogus @gayboysteve @boyd-clowder

[dailyjimmybuffett]

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus (Oh my Lordy) It's that kind of morning, really was that kind of night Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin' And if I don't die by Thursday, I'll be roarin' Friday night

Went down to the Snakepit To drink a little beer Listened to the jukebox Merle was comin' in clear

All of a sudden, I wasn't alone Pickin' country music with ol' Joe Bones Duval Street was rockin' My eyes, they starting poppin'

Because there she sat at the corner of the bar As I broke another string on my old guitar Someone call a cab Lady, won't you pay my tab?

And now my head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus (Oh my Lordy) It's that kind of morning, really was that kind of night Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin' And if I don't die by Thursday, I'll be roarin' Friday night

Got to get a little orange juice And a Darvon for my head I can't spend all day Baby, layin' in the bed

I'm goin' down to Fausto's, get some chocolate milk Can't spend my life in your sheets of silk I've got to find my way Crawl out and greet the day

But now my head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus (Oh my Lordy) It's that kind of morning, really was that kind of night Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin' And if I don't die by Thursday, I'll be roarin' Friday night

Let me tell you, I'll be roarin' Friday night I mean I'll be roarin' Friday night

[maidenxpersephone]

OLIVES' MADNESS:

Todas as bios estão fixadas nos respectivos blogs.

Post/Pesquisas: Naughty or Nice?

Perséfone (@maidenxpersephone)

Nome. Perséfone. Kore. Idade. Aparenta 26. FC. Laura Harrier Espécie. Divindade. Sexualidade. Bissexual Heteromântica. Ocupação. Deusa da Primavera e Rainha do Submundo. Proprietária da floricultura Elísios. Lealdade. Neutra-vilã (influência do marido). Petweapon. Coroa. Objeto. Alianças. Família. Deméter e todo panteão grego. AU!HS. The Overachiever.

Drácula (@vampirelord-dracula)

Nome. Conde Vlad Tepes. Vlad, o Empalador. Vlad III. Idade. 626. FC. Ben Barnes. Espécie. Vampiro. Sexualidade. Pansexual Polirromântico. Ocupação. Rei dos Vampiros e proprietário do Fangtasia. Lealdade. Vilão. Petweapon. God's Mask. Objeto. Joias de colarinho. Família. Alucard (filho). AU!HS. The Charming Bully The New Kid.

Fiona (@enfionecida)

Nome. Princesa Fiona. Idade. 35. FC. Tessa Thompson. Espécie. Ogro. Sexualidade. Bissexual Heterorromântica. Ocupação. Policial e futura Prefeita de Tão Tão Distante. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Machado. Objeto. Anel de noivado. Família. Rei Harold (assassinado no casamento de Marta Caloteira) e Rainha Lillian (desaparecida e viva). AU!HS. The diurnal Miss Congeniality.

Belle (@belledoslivros)

Nome. Belle French. Idade. 27. FC. Lily James. Espécie. Humana dotada de magia (não desperta). Sexualidade. Heterossexual Heterorromântica. Ocupação. Domadora de Feras e Bestas. Bibliotecária e coproprietária da livraria Tales As Old As Time. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Desiluminador. Objeto. Livro. Família. Maurice (pai) e Agatha (mãe e feiticeira). AU!HS. The Wallflower.

Espelho Mágico (@emvocenaobrilha)

Nome. Goldyn. Idade. Indefinida. FC. Camila Mendes & Freddy Carter. Espécie. Espelho Mágico. Sexualidade. Demissexual Arromântico. Ocupação. Braço direito da Rainha Má. Lealdade. Vilões. Petweapon. Relógio. Objeto. Colar. Família. Não se aplica. AU!HS. The High School Sweathearts.

Mirabel (@talentosamirabel)

Nome. Mirabel Madrigal. Idade. 20. FC. Isabela Merced. Espécie. Humana superdotada. Sexualidade. Heterossexual Birromântica. Ocupação. Estudante de Psicologia e Garçonete da Friar's. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Frigideira. Objeto. Bolsa. Família. Julieta (mãe) e Agustín (pai). Isabela e Luísa (irmãs mais velhas). Bruno, Pepa e Félix(tios). Dolores, Camilo e Antônio (primos). Abuela Alma (avó). Casita (soulmate). AU!HS. The almost teacher's pet.

Gretel (@ingretel)

Nome. Annegreta. Idade. 29. FC. Conor Leslie. Espécie. Bruxa. Sexualidade. Bissuxual Demiromântica. Ocupação. Diretora do hospital Saint Muriel, médica emergencista e caçadora. Lealdade. Neutra-vilã. Petweapon. Escudo Mágico. Objeto. Fio. Família. Hansel (irmão gêmeo). Guadalupe (filha 3 anos). AU!HS. The Forced Loner.

Anastasia (@lasttremaine)

Nome. Anastasia Tremaine. Idade. 24. FC. Adelaide Kane. Espécie. Humana. Sexualidade. Pansexual Panromântica. Ocupação. Proprietária da loja de joias finas Anastasia's. Lealdade. Vilã-neutra. Petweapon. Gargantilha Banshee. Objeto. Rosa. Família. Lady Tremaine (mãe), Drizella Tremaine (irmã mais velha), Cinderella Tremaine (meia-irmã mais nova). AU!HS. The False Preppy.

Primavera (@godfather-autumn)

Nome. Autumn. Outono. Idade. Aparenta 29. FC. Kofi Siriboe Espécie. Fada/Feérico. Sexualidade. Pansexual Birromântico. Ocupação. Padrinho de Aurora e estilista/costureiro da Vil's. Lealdade. Mocinho. Petweapon. Cetro. Objeto. Varinha. Família. Fauna e Flora. Fausto. AU!HS. The Dreamer.

Capitão Gancho (@youshalldie)

Nome. Killian Jones. Idade. 47 anos. FC. Karl Urban. Espécie. Eterno adulto rabugento. Sexualidade. Machista. Ocupação. Capitão do Jolly Rogers. Proprietário do Puddin 'n' Pie. Lealdade. Vilão. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Smee.

Tropeço (@you--rang)

Nome. Tristan Tropeço. Idade. Indefinida. FC. Casey Deidrick. Espécie. Indefinido. Sexualidade. Indefinida. Ocupação. Mordomo e integrante da família Addams. Lealdade. Neutro. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Mortícia, Gomez, Wandinha, Mãozinha...

Jane (@mimjaneporter)

Nome. Jane Fernanda Porter. Idade. 26. FC. Deniz Işın. Espécie. Humana. Sexualidade. Bissexual. Ocupação. Funcionária do Santuário de Tarzan. Professora de desenho e pintura da Universidade. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Arquimedes Q. Porter (pai).

Mor'du (@morduforte)

Nome. ???. Adotou Kendrew para sua forma humana. Idade. Aparenta 30. Aproximadamente 60 de existência. FC. Calahan Skogman. Espécie. Humano amaldiçoado, transforma-se em urso negro. Sexualidade. Furry. Ocupação. Segurança da Drink in Hell. Lealdade. Vilão. Petweapon. Em construção. Objeto. Em construção. Família. Pai e três irmãos mais novos, assassinados por ele.

GELADEIRA

Pocahontas (@ppocahontas)

Nome. Matoaka. Amonute. Idade. 28 anos. FC. Devery Jacobs. Espécie. Indígena shamã. Sexualidade. Indefinida. Ocupação. Livre. Lealdade. Mocinha. Petweapon. Lasso. Objeto. Colar da Mãe. Família. Powhatan (pai), Callun. AU!HS. The Activist.

[donvilaro]

Checkmate

I had been thinking about this idea since Bri posted her event. Its just an unhinged AU that the mutuals will appreciate (I hope, hahahaha) @mrsgiovanna​ you could count this as a Giorno month prompt, from his biggest (superior) rival.   Yandere themes, kidnapping, general yandere notions

It was a plan that was years in the making, and finally it had come to bear fruit… Having just gotten off the phone with Giorno, Niccolo had felt a surge of mixed emotions. He had to admit, he was moved by the Don's distraught voice and the fact that Giorno had, in his desperation, turned to Bri's father for help. Niccolo made a mental note to be careful of giving anything away when speaking to Mahin, who had the ability to derail his entire future with Bri if he so wished to.

Leaving his study, his hurried steps could be heard approaching the east wing of the mansion- Bri had been acquired, her unconscious form lay in the suite adjoining his own. He wasn't going to make her share a bed with him immediately,  he had waited this long and her presence in his home was enough for him in the meantime. 

"Don Niccolo… " he nodded at Ava in acknowledgement, eyeing the sleeping woman on the bed before him. He reached out and examined her for any injuries and frowned as he trailed his fingers along the tear stains on her face, while Ava had started brushing the ends of Bri's hair with a sad smile. 

Without hesitating Niccolo summoned his stand and impaled her chest with one of the appendages he manifested from his spine and broke it off within her, sealing off her stand ability. After a few moments of just staring at her, he gave them the space and time to do what they needed to.  In just under two hours Niccolo's helpers had finished their work on the young lady and left her with Niccolo's consigliere, Fausto. The young man regarded Bri carefully, sighing in resignation as he called out his stand to enact the final bit of Niccolo's plan and would ensure that she would remain with his Don. He had been Niccolo's most trusted ally for the longest time, having grown up together. He was privy to all of Niccolo's plans, helped him to reshuffle Sangue Reale after his father's death and served as a voice of reason when the young Don got too carried away, however, as much as he tried, Niccolo was resolute when it came to Bri, ignoring all reason and rationalizing his own motives in any way that he could. Fausts stand, Forgotten, had appeared next to him, and had started to rearrange and delete Bri's memories so that nothing of Giorno or Passione had remained behind. Niccolo had returned to the room, to find Faust almost finished with his task. 

"It's done… you're going to have to be very patient with her… "

"I know that-" 

"I don't think you do, I've seen all her life events, she's been through so much… it's not too late, be the better man, give her back to Passione…" suggested Faust tentatively.

"I'm not a good man, and I know I'm selfish… Trust me, I'm not blind to my faults. I may not have the best abilities, but things fell into place for me to take her and so I did." It was the first time that Faust had seen this type of emotion flash in the Don's eyes, like pools of ichor swirling furiously. Niccolo averted his eyes though, his underbosses critical gaze had left him feeling unnerved, thankfully, his attention was beckoned to the girl who was stirring from her sleep. It was the curtain call for his master plan, and almost like a switch had been flipped, had his demeanor and gaze softened when he saw Bri's dark eyelashes flutter open. She wasn't defensive or poised to attack, but rather wore an expression of innocent fear, and recoiled from Niccolo when he gently placed his hand on hers. 

"Can you tell me what your name is?" Asked Niccolo in a mild voice, watching the confused girl trying to gather her thoughts and orient herself. 

"B-bri… my name's Bria Adal… my, my head hurts" she said through a grimace, clenching her fists against her temples. Niccolo gently grasped her wrists and brought them down to her lap. 

"I'm sorry, we can get you something for that, just stay calm, okay Bria? Breathe with me…" 

"O-okay…" 

"Oh you're shaking like a leaf… please don't be scared, you're safe here, I promise you, no harm will ever come to you, I won't allow it, okay?" Niccolo gently brushed her now chin-length hair away from her face, and tucked it behind her ears, revealing her teary eyes. "Please don't cry, everything will be okay I promise" the scared girl could only nod, and looked around trying to find some sort of familiarity in her surroundings. 

"I can't watch this," said Faust as he walked out of the room. Inhaling sharply, Niccolo left Bri's side apologizing to her and went after his consigliere.  

"Faust, wait!"

"I did what you asked- no ordered me to do, I've  messed with her mind, it's done, mission completed, you're on your own now!" 

"Keep your goddamn voice down, she's going to hear you!" 

"Good, maybe she'll run then," 

"Watch it Faust," 

"Oh? Have I offended you Don Vilaro? You know I've seen you do a lotta shit in the past, but you've had valid reasons… this? This is beyond selfish, you're ruining her entire life! Don't you feel anything watching her like this? A shadow of her former self?" Fausts words had wounded Niccolo, but he didn't retort because deep within himself, he knew they were true. 

"Look, I know, okay I know! Slowly things will get better and I can give her her stand back, she'll regain her strength but she's never using it to fight on my behalf, ever…  she needs to stay as far away from  all of this as possible," 

"Why are you so obsessed with taking her out of this world? She could probably hold her own against either of us. She's not your mother Niccolo,  but you're acting a whole lot like your father," any attempt at niceties would be useless now and Faust had realized he overstepped his boundaries. 

"Perhaps you should leave, I'll see you in the morning," said Niccolo in a chillingly calm voice, reminding Faust that it was when his anger was quiet that he was at his most dangerous.  

"I'm sorry-" 

"Just leave, please," without waiting for Faust to reply, he turned on his heels and walked towards Bri's room. 

When he entered he found her still on the bed,  hugging her knees to her chest. She still looked scared but was calmer than before. 

"Bria, are you hungry? What would you like?" 

"Just some water is fine," she said, offering a weak smile, which Niccolo returned as he called Ava and asked to bring up something for the young woman. 

"Are you alright?" Asked Bria softly, noting the change in his demeanor when the young Don had returned to her room. 

"Hmmm? Oh I'm fine, why?" A small, forced smile graced his face, not really reaching his eyes. 

" I heard what sounded like an argument, and you came back looking sad… did you and your friend have a fight?" 

Still so perceptive and caring even like this he thought to himself as he sat next to Bria on the bed.

"Something like that angel, it will be fine though, nothing you need to worry about,  you'll come to know Faust again, his mouth works faster than his brain…" Niccolo's description of his consiglieri earned a small chuckle from the raven haired girl beside him. 

"Who am I though?" 

"Have you forgotten your name? You're Bria,"

"No, no, who am I to you? What is my purpose here?" Niccolo extended his arm towards her, caressing her cheek softly as he thought of how to reply. 

“You, my beautiful Bri, are at the center of my empire. You’re the one I love most in this whole world.” 

“Oh… I…”

“Are you disappointed, my love?” He was troubled by the downcast expression on Bria’s face but waited for her to respond before reacting. 

“I am… in myself though… I can’t even recall something as important as that… I’m so sorry,”

“Bria, don’t apologize, please, none of this is your fault, if anything, I am to blame, it's my duty to keep you safe and I failed…” Niccolo held her close, placing a few kisses onto her hair. The manner in which he had spun the story had left no room for doubt and at that point Bria had no reason to question him thanks to Faust's seamless alteration of her memories. For all intents and purposes, she was just a girl with amnesia and was being looked after by her lover. Any feelings of guilt that Niccolo may have been harboring had all but vanished when he felt her in his arms. Years of pining, months of planning, and finally she was his. 

"I'm sorry for interrupting…" Ava spoke as she walked into the room with a tray full of little treats that Bria enjoyed. She continued, "I'm Ava, if you need anything at all, I'm always around, so please don't hesitate to ask," 

"Thanks Miss Ava…  there's something so warm and familiar about you…" 

"Well I should hope so miss Bri,"

"Please, just Bri, or Bria, anything else feels strange," Before agreeing to her request Ava looked to Niccolo for approval,  which he granted with a small nod. Perusing the spread that Ava had brought into the room, he had picked up a strawberry and offered it to Bri who took a small bite of it. 

"These are some of your favorites, if your palate has changed though, I'll bring you something else," offered Ava. 

"No, no this is fine, please don't, this is wonderful, thank you," Bria's polite decline brought a smile to the older lady's face, and the three of them made light conversation for a short while until Bria's tiredness had overpowered her will to stay awake. 

"Alright, we can continue this tomorrow,  you're tired my love," Niccolo gently pushed down Bria's shoulders and pulled the covers up around her. His thumb caressed her bottom lip as he cupped her cheek, but he fought the urge and kissed her on the forehead instead before leaving the room with Ava. 

The pair walked in silence for a moment before Niccolo spoke. 

"I suppose you're this quiet because of what happened with Faust," 

"It is upsetting, I'll admit. I've watched you both grow up, this isn't like you two…" 

"I know… I might have been a bit harsh. But so was he- comparing me to that tyrant,"  Niccolo looked down to meet the woman's worried gaze before he continued. "Not you too…" 

"I just don't want you to do anything you'll later regret, you're a good person… but this is bad Niccolo… Don Giovanna will come to look for her, so will her father. If anything happens to you-"

"You worry too much, I can take them on, both of them, she's worth the risk… but that's not going to happen, my plan is foolproof." 

In Naples, villa Giovanna was thrown into disarray. Disheveled in appearance with his eyes bloodshot, Giorno poured over the few hours of video footage which captured Bria before she had disappeared,  awaiting word from Abbacchio who had gone to Sicily with Mista to where she had last been seen. It was the strangest occurrence, the work of a stand user no doubt, and he had his suspicions regarding Niccolo, but didn't want to act until he was certain, fearing the position Bri might have been in, should his assumptions hold true. Under normal circumstances, Giorno would have already ripped Sicily apart in an attempt to look for Bria, however, one false move would have resulted in him losing his stand ability altogether. That was the potency of Niccolo’s stand, The Reaper. A rival that he might have been evenly matched with had he not been as aggrieved over Bria’s disappearance.  It was a game of chess and his queen had been captured, his defenses had been left wide open and Niccolo was poised to win. 

Check

[saturn-noctua]

The gangs all here!

in order:

Twigg Branch (played by me) (accidentally a villain but its ok bc he's sad)

Voskiroche Nyk (also played by me) (he's dead now though)

Slime Can III (me again hi) (He has seven spouses but my favorite is Midge Bucket, a buff cockroach lady)

Fausto I forgot his last name (formerly the enemy but we kidnapped him)

Freja Erifkson (both her parents are gods)

Raina Redclaw (really regrets not killing Twigg when she had the chance)

Rhozk "Goats" Jones (featuring Weevil, who used to be Voskiroche's cat)

Ransaax Vrakdaar (He's Twigg's only real friend now)

[monstershearts]

Fausto Damiano

Species: Dhampir (formerly human)

Age: 100 (turned at 21 in 1942)

Nationality: Italian

Ethnicity: Greek, Italian, unknown

Gender: Cis Male

Sexuality: Biromantic, Demisexual

Alignment: Neutral Evil or Lawful Neutral

Occupation: Army Field Medic (formerly), Antique Dealer (current)

FC: Damiano David

Appearance: Dark hair, brown(occasionally red) eyes, pale skin, several tattoos, 5'11", medium build. Usually wears a leather motorcycle jacket that he’s had since the ‘40s with several pins, patches, and enchantments on it(functions as +1 armor and a Cloak of the Bat), as well as ripped jeans, black biker boots, a studded black belt, several rings, bracelets, wristbands, tied handkerchiefs, and occasionally chokers. Also tends to wear eyeliner and smudged black eyeshadow.

Personality: Snarky, self-serving, a bit of a coward but for very good reason, flirtatious, clever, sharp wit, devoted to Hades and Persephone, cares deeply for humans but pretends he doesn’t, refuses to leave his humanity behind, deeply loyal, family is incredibly important to him, highly charismatic, somewhat socially awkward, high anxiety.

Powers/Abilities: doesn’t age, can walk on walls and ceilings, can cast healing and necromantic spells given to him by his gods, inhumanly fast and agile, vampiric bite, can transform into a bat because of an enchanted pin he always wears, will become a full vampire once he finally kills a human, immune to disease, talented cook, fashion designer, musician, and seamstress.

Weaknesses: Mortality, emotional manipulation

Mental Health: PTSD, anxiety, depression

Likes: Cooking for his partner, pomegranates, designing and making his own clothes, flirting, singing, dancing, guitar, bats, black cats, traveling the world, D&D.

Dislikes: Guns, fireworks, rich assholes, being used and manipulated, small spaces, fascists, bigots, most vampires.

Languages: Italian, Latin, Greek, English

Background:

Fausto Damiano was a soldier on the wrong side of a war that had no right side. A field medic with no love for violence and an outright hatred for those who used it to gain power over others, he did his best to help his fellow soldiers after getting drafted, but he could not find it within himself to truly believe in the cause they were fighting for. It wasn’t long before he made a plan to desert. His escape from the battlefield was nearly flawless; no one noticed him slinking away amidst the chaos and bloodshed, and he made it out unscathed.

He spent the next year hopping from town to town, village to village, stealing whatever he had to in order to survive and romancing every beautiful, naïve young lady he came across. He enjoyed the freedom he’d earned for himself without a care for what it might have cost others. However, in time, there was a girl he met who managed to catch more than just his eye. She was the daughter of a nobleman, already betrothed to marry another of her station, but she was far too good for that. To Fausto, she was every bit as radiant as Juliet was to Romeo, though she was equally as cunning as she was beautiful. As these stories are wont to turn out, she gripped his heart and became his downfall. He began to court her in secret, walking the streets by moonlight and sharing stolen kisses and secrets. It only took a month for Fausto to propose, and after careful consideration, she accepted…on one condition. The man to whom she had been betrothed had a mysterious yet incredibly wealthy benefactor who was rumored to be in possession of a very powerful amulet. She so coveted it, stating that it would make her happier than any engagement ring.

Naturally, Fausto set out to steal it for her, using all of his wile and guile to infiltrate the ancient mansion of the benefactor. He’d managed to get the amulet in hand when he was finally caught, though the fate that befell him was much worse, in his mind, than any prison sentence or death penalty. The benefactor and owner of the mansion was deceptively youthful and beautiful, appearing to only be a decade older than him at the most. Rather than calling for guards or law enforcement, the man gave him a crooked and disarming smile that made him question a lot of things about himself, then politely informed Fausto that his lady love had tricked the boy in order to make good on a deal they’d made. He then explained that he was a Vampire Lord by the name of Count Mortimer Ambrose, and that he desired to turn Fausto rather than kill him because of his inhuman beauty. Fausto tried to run, almost refusing to believe any of it, but the Count caught him easily, seducing and bedding him before feasting on his blood and transforming him into a vampire. A part of him died that night that he thought could never be reborn.

The half-century that followed was miserable for Fausto. He tried several times to escape, but was never successful, even after the Count moved his coven to America following the end of the Second World War. Forced to comply and watch as countless innocents were slaughtered by his coven, he eventually concluded that it would be best for him to simply play his part until the perfect opportunity finally came along. He devoted himself to learning magic in the meantime, leaning on the guidance of Hades and Persephone to aid him and give him at least some shred of hope.

Finally, on Halloween of 1985, Fausto managed to manipulate a group of college kids who were dared to stay the night in the manor into helping him escape, framing it as him helping them to survive his Maker’s dark machinations and escape with their lives. The group fought hard, having raided the armory with Fausto’s help, and the desperate Dhampir took the opportunity to extricate himself from the manor amongst them before disappearing into the night. He’s spent the last few decades roaming up and down the Eastern Seaboard, staying in certain places long enough to either grab a quick meal and a bit of a rest or blend in and lay low. New York is by far his favorite haunt.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Too bad now you have to give recs of "hero goes down on the clueless heroine and she’s like wow thanks that was AMAZING, can women do that to men too? 🤔 " haha

I love the clueless heroine going down on the hero, she has no idea what she is doing but her eagerness makes it a 10, Best blow job of my life 🤌🏻

@hptriviachamp posts every time the latter thing happens with a very apt meme that makes me laugh every time (IT AIN'T MUCH BUT IT'S HONEST WORK)

I can't remember a lot of PARTICULAR moments, but for these moments or this vibe:

You should definitely try Elisa Braden for this vibe. Mooost of her heroines are virgins (honestly: too many of them for me lol, I do need a bit more variation) and they're often all "WHAT'S THIS BUTTON DO" about sex. Her Midnight in Scotland series is really good. I think The Taming of a Highlander is the one where the hero is like "THERE'S NO WAY IT'LL FIT. WE MUSTN'T." and she's like "la la la it grows exponentially bigger when I look at it, I suppose I shall attempt to stuff it in la di da" blase about it.

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover by Sarah MacLean, one of her best. The heroine's a scientist who initially gets the hero to teach her about sex only! Verbally! Before graduating to physically! Also! She's very "if he'd let me study his penis with a magnifying glass I would" in nature. I also really enjoy the scene where he eats her out, comes in his pants, and immediately afterward is caught when his buddy stumbles in like "hey where do we keep th--OH. SORRY."

The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy doesn't have this scene/a totally clueless heroine, but it does have a scene where the hero is like "my dick is trying to make friends with your pussy" so there's that.

And in the same sense, because I fucking know these authors are friends and there's no way this was a total coincidence... Frankie in Mila Finelli's Mafia Mistress & Mafia Darling is NOT a virgin by any means. But when she and Fausto make it official, they do immediately roleplay him deflowering her as if she has literally never seen a dick in her life and it's HILARIOUS. Like these are DEEPLY COMMITTED people going "oh no! what's that????" "it's my dick! it's trying to say hello!" and I. Die. Not only because it's very funny, but because it actually makes their relationship more authentic to me. That's the kind of shit you only do with someone you deeply trust lmao.

Grace Callaway is gonna give you this vibe. Not all of her heroines are virgins, but the ones who are... often are precocious... and will like stuff their mouths with the hero's dick like they're doing the chubby bunny challenge.... The Duke Who Knew Too Much comes to mind because he's like "NO WAIT STOP THERE'S CRIME AFOOT" but she's already going for it.

Speaking of, Elizabeth Hoyt's Duke of Pleasure always deserves cred for the singular moment in which the hero and (virgin, grew up as a street rat dressed as a boy) heroine are investigating crime and some evildoers come upon them and he's like "quick just pretend you're blowing me" and she does start like, a mild actual beej while he's telling the guys "PLEASE LEAVE I'M GETTING BLOWN BY MY DOXY~" but after the guys leave he's all "so you can stop" and she's like "no no no I'm going somewhere with this". This one is special to me because he makes her spit into his fancy handkerchief after and I promise that even if he didn't know it that's when he decided to marry that girl.

I would say How to Marry a Marquess is one you should check out--by Stacy Reid. It's a classic "brother's best friend teaches me how to be sexy and then things get Really Outta Hand" book. I also really liked this one scene in it when his whole "let me teach you what dudes are into" thing leads to him like, eating her out in a moving carriage and when the carriage stops he does an entire "EGADS" jump off of her.

I need to reread The Lady Gets Lucky, but that's a rake meets virgin sex lessons book, and I have to think based off the scene I remember where he's like 30 seconds away from coming just from watching her lick her lips, there's a lot happening.

[playlistsbybunny]

old money

love theme from “the godfather” - nino rota

back to black - amy winehouse

vines - the sometimes island

i’m the ancher you need - philip ancher

arrow - sparkbyrd

hit the road jack - ray charles

money - pink floyd

raise a glass - brad creel

blue hotel - chris isaak

just the two of us - grover washington jr.

old money - lana del rey

glory box - portishead

red right hand - nick cave & the bad seeds

non, je ne regrette rien - édith piaf

hier encore - charles aznavour

love in portofino - dalida

careless whisper - george michael

feeling good - nina simone

sway - michael bublé

my heart belongs to daddy - marilyn monroe

skyfall - adele

good looking - suki waterhouse

amore mio aiutami - piero piccioni

that’s life - frank sinatra

wouldn’t it be nice - the beach boys

volare - dean martin

the lady is a tramp - tony bennett

la femme à la peau bleue - vendredi sur mer

oh, pretty woman - pomplamoose

la dolce vita - fausto papetti

link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3rIdmMeDf1N3NBflRTv0gx?si=0f78ee0b6312469c&pt=c5663a68ed1bff011a96a5c570c8404c

[faustos-restaurant]

Fausto's Delish Meaty Promotion

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[melogranoinsanguinato]

About

Name: Fausto Damiano

Species: Dhampir (formerly human)

Age: 100+ (turned at 21 in 1942)

Nationality: Italian

Ethnicity: Greek, Italian, unknown

Gender: Cis Male

Sexuality: Biromantic, Demisexual

Alignment: Neutral Evil or Lawful Neutral

Occupation: Army Field Medic (formerly), Antiques Dealer (current)

Appearance: Dark hair, brown(occasionally red) eyes, pale skin, several tattoos, 5'11", medium build. Usually wears a leather motorcycle jacket that he’s had since the ‘40s with several pins, patches, and enchantments on it(functions as +1 armor and a Cloak of the Bat), as well as ripped jeans, black biker boots, a studded black belt, several rings, bracelets, wristbands, tied handkerchiefs, and occasionally chokers. Also tends to wear eyeliner and smudged black eyeshadow.

Background: Fausto Damiano was a soldier on the wrong side of a war that had no right side. A field medic with no love for violence and an outright hatred for those who used it to gain power over others, he did his best to help his fellow soldiers after getting drafted, but he could not find it within himself to truly believe in the cause they were fighting for. It wasn’t long before he made a plan to desert. His escape from the battlefield was nearly flawless; no one noticed him slinking away amidst the chaos and bloodshed, and he made it out unscathed.

He spent the next year hopping from town to town, village to village, stealing whatever he had to in order to survive and romancing every beautiful, naïve young lady he came across. He enjoyed the freedom he’d earned for himself without a care for what it might have cost others. However, in time, there was a girl he met who managed to catch more than just his eye. She was the daughter of a nobleman, already betrothed to marry another of her station, but she was far too good for that. To Fausto, she was every bit as radiant as Juliet was to Romeo, though she was equally as cunning as she was beautiful. As these stories are wont to turn out, she gripped his heart and became his downfall. He began to court her in secret, walking the streets by moonlight and sharing stolen kisses and secrets. It only took a month for Fausto to propose, and after careful consideration, she accepted…on one condition. The man to whom she had been betrothed had a mysterious yet incredibly wealthy benefactor who was rumored to be in possession of a very powerful amulet. She so coveted it, stating that it would make her happier than any engagement ring.

Naturally, Fausto set out to steal it for her, using all of his wile and guile to infiltrate the ancient mansion of the benefactor. He’d managed to get the amulet in hand when he was finally caught, though the fate that befell him was much worse, in his mind, than any prison sentence or death penalty. The benefactor and owner of the mansion was deceptively youthful and beautiful, appearing to only be a decade older than him at the most. Rather than calling for guards or law enforcement, the man gave him a crooked and disarming smile that made him question a lot of things about himself, then politely informed Fausto that his lady love had tricked the boy in order to make good on a deal they’d made. He then explained that he was a Vampire Lord by the name of Count Mortimer Ambrose, and that he desired to turn Fausto rather than kill him because of his inhuman beauty. Fausto tried to run, almost refusing to believe any of it, but the Count caught him easily, seducing and bedding him before feasting on his blood and transforming him into a vampire. A part of him died that night that he thought could never be reborn.

The half-century that followed was miserable for Fausto. He tried several times to escape, but was never successful, even after the Count moved his coven to America following the end of the Second World War. Forced to comply and watch as countless innocents were slaughtered by his coven, he eventually concluded that it would be best for him to simply play his part until the perfect opportunity finally came along. He devoted himself to learning magic in the meantime, leaning on the guidance of Hades and Persephone to aid him and give him at least some shred of hope.

Finally, on Halloween of 1985, Fausto managed to manipulate a group of college kids who were dared to stay the night in the manor into helping him escape, framing it as him helping them to survive his Maker’s dark machinations and escape with their lives. The group fought hard, having raided the armory with Fausto’s help, and the desperate Dhampir took the opportunity to extricate himself from the manor amongst them before disappearing into the night. He’s spent the last few decades roaming up and down the Eastern Seaboard, staying in certain places long enough to either grab a quick meal and a bit of a rest or blend in and lay low. New York is by far his favorite haunt.