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kaisooficpodcast · 3 months ago

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Pride by yeolimerent with Readers

I am Alexio Sospranio and you’re listening to the kaisoo fic podcast!

For new listeners, the kaisoo fic podcast is a space where we discuss literature found in the kaisoosphere.

This month we will be looking at one fic for two episodes. First part is today, dated the 12th, second part will be on the 14th. Special kaisoo dates!

Today’s episode is slightly different, the kaisoo fic podcast is joined together with two kaisoo readers! And I am also very delighted to share that on the 14th, we will have the author themselves to share their journey with this month’s fic, give insight to the details of the plot and more, so stay tuned for that, coming out tomorrow’s tomorrow!

I would just like to share with you the sequence in which we will be sharing this episode. It is broken up into 5 parts.

Very first part I will share with you the story behind the episode cover art. Next, is introducing guests plus never before done on the podcast, but an important one for guests, we have a small ice breaker ‘never have i ever’ game.

Fourth segment i will introduce the fic, soon after followed by the experience of our two guest readers on reading it based on the questions i asked on the discord.

So generally about 5 general parts.

Podcast Cover Art

This segment is on the podcast cover art because I would like to express my gratitude to Lyn who I commissioned for this episode’s cover art. Thank you Lyn for opening up commissions and being accommodating to my requests!

The story behind the podcast cover art is a reimagined take on one of the arcs in the fic. This specific scene we have Jongin giving Kyungsoo a bouquet and Kyungsoo looking at shreds of torn blueprints on the floor.

In the podcast cover art, Kyungsoo is wearing his collage outfit. Kyungsoo is looking down on his torn blueprints. This was 8 years ago.

Context for this particular position Kyungsoo is in: Kyungsoo got his work stolen by Soojung. Everyone sided with Soojung because there was no evidence of it being Kyungsoo’s work as he did not consult any advisors of the project. He is dejected, angry, frustrated, resentful because no one believes him. Kyungsoo ends up being all alone, it is as good as his hard work being torn to shreds.

In the podcast cover art, Jongin is wearing a suit as after 8 years, he is a rich, sexy CEO of a company. Jongin has hope in his eyes, he is holding out a bouquet of essentials for architect designers and flowers.

Context for this particular position Jongin is in: Jongin wants to freely show his love to Kyungsoo and make up for all the times it was hard on the both of them. Jongin later in the fic is then honest with Kyungsoo that he did not believe that Kyungsoo stole the work. So Jongin admitting that, is a second chance for kaisoo to truly work on their relationship.

Intro Guests

Introducing the guests. A few episodes ago, I promoted the kaisooists discord community server. When first starting out the server I was happily surprised to find other keen kaisooists tuning into the server. The community server accepts all kaisooists in the spectrum of casual kaisoo enjoyer to chronically deranged person experiencing kaisooism.

To celebrate having 100+ members in the kaisooists discord community server, now slightly more than 120 users, I asked users in the server to submit a comment of about 200 words on what their favourite fic is and why. We had two submissions, one by a regular author on the kaisoo fic podcast show, Haqiyin and a kaisoo reader, Jie. Haqiyin’s favorite fic is I Am Happy When I Am With You by Chesh_cat. But today we will be hosting Jie and Yu. Jie eagerly answered Pride by yeolimerent, and so that is the fic we will be going through for the day.

Introducing a bit on Jie, Jie has been in this fandom since (2013), that’s about (11 years). The moment that instilled her faith in kaisoo was when she kept seeing kaisoo as a regular pairing in wattpad fanfics when she was a newbie fan and wanted to find exo fics.

Welcome Jie, we are pleased to have you on this kaisoo fic podcast! Before we begin, do you have any opening comments you would like to make?

Hello everyone! I’m jie and i’m an exo-l from both heart and mind. Been into kaisoo most of my teenage years (until now) and not regretting it at all. And kaisoo did truly change my life and even helped me during my hard times in the past. That’s why I treasure them a lot and will pass down to all of my generations that kaisoo is real XD. My journey as a reader started in 2013, as per the introduction, I didn’t have knowledge about the famous pairings or otps that the fandom had. But because i was into wattpad, I searched for any exo fanfics I could find and that’s where I found kaisoo. At first, I was thinking about it and then I saw them on twitter and saw lots of fans shipping them, I was convinced they’re real and the hype about them makes sense. After that I started reading lots of kaisoo fanfics I could find on wattpad.

Thank you Jie for sharing! It is very delightful to know that kaisoo helped you during difficult moments in your life. It just goes to show how important kaisoo is to us, how having them as our source of happiness really pulls us out of the darkness of life and gives us the strength to continue living. It sounds really delusional, but if it helps us to continue with life, continue with striving everyday and being hard at work with the things we do, then believing in kaisoo is worth the delulu and crazy.

While preparing for this episode I saw on my timeline, user Yu was rereading Pride and with that I approached them to ask if they would be willing to be part of this episode. Since this episode is an episode talking about pride with people from the discord, I thought it would be appropriate!

So Yu is another kaisooists in the discord server as well. Like Jie, introducing a bit on Yu, Yu has been in this fandom since (2014), that’s about (10 years).The kaisoo moment that changed the trajectory of her faith in kaisoo was when kaisoo were (being dramatic on that EXO’s Secret Lotte Night event in 2016, after Kaistal was publicised).

Welcome Yu, we are also pleased to have you on this kaisoo fic podcast! Similar to Jie, do you have any opening comments you would like to make?

Hi everyone! I’m Yu and I’ve been an EXO-L since 2014. Like Jie, I was not really aware of OTPs and ships inside the fandom until I joined a roleplaying community back in 2014. That time, I was just roleplaying Kyungsoo because he’s my bias and my internet friends were shipping me with Kai roleplayers. I got really curious why “they” were being paired together so I researched a bit on them and saw a LOT of their moments. I thought, hmm, they DO have chemistry and they DO look cute together, not knowing that they will literally change the course of my life forever. That’s the time I started watching their moments together in variety shows, behind the scenes clips, and tours. After that, all I was reading on wattpad were kaisoo fan fictions, then I got introduced to AFF, livejournal, and AO3, creating this kaisoo-obsessed monster. Not only do I see Kaisoo as the people I look up to, but I think they’re the biggest reason I am who I am today.

Thank you for sharing and joining us on a short notice! I actually personally have never come across a roleplaying community? Yu, is it like tweet fics but interactive?

Yes, people have the option to roleplay their muse in an in-character way (like as idols) or they can portray their muse in an alternate universe way. People create their roleplaying accounts (at least during my time) using facebook or twitter. From that you can interact with other roleplayers and form friendships within the community too.

omg!! A fun fact is I know the roleplaying community!! . Even until now I’m still doing it as a hobby. It’s actually fun to try making accounts and interact with different roleplayers too. In that community, different idols are like friends and it could be enjoying or traumatizing lmao. I’m also a kyungsoo roleplayer and started roleplaying in 2014.

Ahhh, i see,that is interesting!

I just want to say that the both of you got into kaisoo out of curiosity. Which is very fascinating to me because it just goes to show that kaisoo’s relationship is not blatantly in your face, it is not what… Some people call a government assigned ship or fanservice. They are also not very loud in their interactions in terms of skinship and promoting together… It is a very genuine relationship because on the surface level for really casual fans, it may seem like they have a unique bond where they are more attentive to one another but not too alarming to the casual viewer. But those with sharper and inquisitive eyes may be able to read between the lines.

My point here is that… okay, how young were you when you got into kaisoo?

Jie’s age: 12 Yu’s age: 13

So being at that point in life in the pre/early teens, we may not have caught on so quickly on their special relationship. Then for the both of you being in the wattpad and roleplaying communities, you probably interacted with slightly older fans who are able to identify that there is a bigger, more intimate kind of relationship for kaisoo. This is my assumption, and with the influence of others, it piques your interest to find out more. And when we see it with our own eyes, with rose coloured lenses, without a doubt, we see that kaisoo really really exhibits a sort of more than friends, more than colleagues relationship. And I love that for them. They are also my sense of strength.

Never have i ever (fic/kaisoo related)

Ice breaker time!

Since this is a three person episode, let’s do an ice breaker to slowly get to get to know each other a bit more before diving into the fic of the day.

We will be playing ‘never have i ever’, but make it fic and kaisoo related! So for the questions, we have to guess if the person has, or has never done said thing.

We have questions we want to ask, so mayb Jie can go first?

Jie’s fic qn: Never have I ever read a fluff/romantic fic with no happy ending

Guess Jie’s answer

Yu - Since we’re talking about tags, it’s actually related to my next question, which is…

Yu’s fic qn: Never have I ever ditched a fic that has a good plot but has no proper tagging of who is the top/bottom

Guess Yu’s answer

Jie - so since we’re in the talks about top and bottom which are quite related to the R18 topic, the next NHIE is sort of related to it. The question is..

Jie’s fic qn: Never have I ever dreamed about the <intense> kaisoo fic scenes

Guess Jie’s answer

Yu - So since we’re talking about real life things in related to fics and kaisoo, the next question actually is…

Yu’s fic qn: Never have I ever read intense smut in public and in broad daylight

Guess Yu’s answer

Alexio irl qn: okay so consensus is that the three of us have read a fic in public. My question now issss: Never have I ever skipped an outing with friends/family just to read kaisoo fics

Guess Alexio answer

Real life relation…

Jie’s kaisoo qn: Never have I ever thought about kaisoo being the rumored bxb couple in k-industry by pannchoa (?)

Guess Jie’s answer

Yes, we believe and we pray.

That was fun! Okay now I see the importance of ice breaker because I feel we have more energy now to go through with the episode.

Pride by yeolimerent

Now the purpose of this episode is to commemorate having 100+ users in the kaisooists community discord server. Jie, upon writing out your response, you DMed me on Discord with a screenshot of how you exceeded the server’s character limit of 2000 by double… Now, you really must have a lot to say for this fic to go on for 4000 characters!

For this particular event, i asked server members to submit their write up by sharing with us five points:

Brief summary of the plot, character and premise.

The impact this fic had on you.

What has this fic taught you?

What particular scene was it in the fic that moved you?

Why do you love this fic?

Jie, first question of the episode is: Why did you choose Pride by yeolimerent to share with us in commemoration of the 100 users in the kaisooist’s discord community server?

Pride deserves to be promoted more especially for people who love tropes similar to it. Based on my opinion, as a silent reader most of the time, it needs more recognition because it is written to perfection. I’ve been seeing people’s recommendations promoting some overrated kaisoo fanfic (though they deserve it too and they are overrated for a reason) and I haven’t found one recommending Pride so here I am! Sharing this kind of fic is new to me actually because I’m not a hundred percent fan of tropes like enemies to lovers but surprise! I loved this one and it deserves love from everyone too.

I read this fic only after your recommendation, so thank you for putting this on the discord. Without you, we would not have gone through the fic!

I’m glad to hear that though :>>

I would also like to thank you for participating in the event at that point! The discord means a lot to me, and it is nice to see people engaging in it as well!

but oh! I just remembered something. I think back in 2022, if i am not mistaken Pride was the 3rd most recommended fic when kaisooficrec on twitter did a 30 day challenge in january to celebrate their birth month! (https://kaisooficrec.tumblr.com/post/674974951042891776/kfr-challenge).

But before we dive deeper into the episode, let’s talk about the fic, plot wise and technical aspects:

Pride by yeolimerent is a 300+ thousand-word fic. Very dramatic with tags including: angst; sexual tension; break up/make up; timeskips; miscommunication; mutual pining; enemies to lovers; rags to riches

Warnings: dubious consent; smut (bottom soo); minor character deaths.

The author warns readers that this is not for the faint hearted, and we quote: I just have to warn you that this has so many flaws, characters and story-wise. So if you’re not into complicated things, please save yourself some time.

The author warns readers because this is a massive work. Upon reading you see each time you think it gets better, something will freaking give you a whiplash. It is dramatic, it is emotional.

Reading from the author’s summary:

The life of being a chaebol son should be easy, except that it’s hell. Do Kyungsoo has one goal—to escape and be free from this leash. So when a heartbreak from his first love gave him the reason to finally leave this hellhole for good, he grabbed the chance willingly.

Years later, he’s pulled back to the place, the life, and the man he thought he already escaped. What’s worse is when everything he had is taken away from him, by the very same man who just used to be his driver… but now surely isn’t.

first time vs second time

Now being a three person episode, we’ll take turns going through the fic, our experience reading the fic, what we are learning from the fic, the ways the fic impacted us and we will end with us reading extracts from our favourite parts of the fic.

Since Jie started off answering the first question, maybe Yu, you’d like to take this next one:

While getting ready for this episode, we all recently reread Pride again right? How different was it reading it for the first time versus this recent time you reread it again?

Personally, I felt like reading it the second time around made me look at the plot and the characters in a more in-depth perspective. Of course, the first time I read it emotionally wrecked me for days (XD) that I had to stop myself and pause from reading from time to time to process the events in the fic, and it surely did not change when I reread it again, but this time, I felt like I got to feel each of the characters emotions first-hand too. Like, I understood where Kyungsoo was coming from when he was being prideful and stubborn, and also why was Jongin bad at communicating which is more frustrating!

I see, so for Yu, you were able to immerse yourself in the characters and the meanings behind the things they do. I think usually for these kinds of fics, where it is fast paced. Very action packed, where there is always something happening and you are always kept on your toes. So naturally in your first reading of the fic you would want to know what happens next. So you read as fast as you can, taking breaks when it gets too overwhelming.

Yes, I agree. The first time I read it I never realized the simplest things in the story will make sense in the plot in the next chapters. Rereading it was an enjoyable experience.

Indeed it was an enjoyable experience. And what about Jie, did you have a similar or different experience?

I actually relate to Yu’s response! like the first time i’ve read the pride, some of the scenes are blurred to me and didn’t make sense so I was like ‘why is jongin like this and such’ since i’ve observed that the pov heavily falls into Kyungsoo’s rather than jongin’s. And also well i’m kind of scared of what’s about to happen every time since it’s my first time reading it (it’s my default emotion when i read long fics for the first time). but when i reread it, the plot became more defined in my mind and everything just makes sense! and one thing i’ve also observed is that, the effects of each scene are still the same for me when i reread it. I still have mixed emotions and despite knowing what to happen in the next scene, i’m still not prepared for it ><

The delightful thing of reading it a second time is that we sort of know how the plot unfolds… so we are able to revisit the scenes and slowly read through the details in the beginning of the fic where yeolimerent gives tiny hints of how the plot will develop in the later parts of Pride. Moments like the carelessness of Kyungsoo leaving his blueprint in the room without much thought. As a reader, we also did not give it much thought, but that became one of the most important points of the story that pushed Kyungsoo to be off the grid, and he continues to struggle with that problem until almost the end of the fic. So when we reread it again, we are more aware of the small bits of information yeolimerent gives. That goes to show how detailed a writer yeolimerent is.

That is so true. I really admire yeolimerent as a writer. My twitter mutuals would know how annoying I can be when it comes to this fic because it’s always in my head like… Of course there are a lot of fics I love too, but Pride just really stood out because it has all the tropes I like in a fic; exes to lovers, CEO au, rags to rich, angst with happy ending, and slow burn.

I know right!! I actually love how important the small details in yeolimerent’s fic! She’s just so amazing despite knowing some of her fics late. My first fic from her is the smear campaign that i really love so much too!! But for this year, the pride just brought me the roller coaster feeling of emotions and I’m convinced that it will be the top tier fic I have encountered this year.

Omg smear campaign… I first read that one recently during my vacation. Mind you I read Pride BEFORE reading ’smear campaign’ and I was genuinely shit scared because what if yeolimeret decides to make one of them dishonest and to use the other for political gain… but thank kaisoo, that yet again we trust in the love they have for each other that we see kaisoo happy in the fic.

Surprising

Upon reading Pride, were there any thoughts that kept coming up? For one, the thoughts that kept recurring in my head were just… how is it possible for love to continue when both parties have hurt each other so much? How are they still somehow able to gravitate towards one another? It really pains me… this fic with its cruel twists and turns. When I say cruel here, it is not a slander against the author, but rather an acknowledgement of how their writing is very gripping and done wonderfully. The art of knowing when to say what happens, keeping the reader on their toes and sharing with us a beautiful story of how kaisoo’s love prevails yet again. Writing meaningfully so that readers are able to feel for the characters and love them in their imperfections.

Before I reached the ending of the pride where they mend their relationship in new zealand if i’m not mistaken, i was so so mad for like yeah i know kyungsoo is this prideful and have flaws but he didn’t deserve any of what people did to him including jongin (still completely unaware of jongin’s side here) because i know they have something stronger but it’s kind of cruel to have a love like they both have and kyungsoo needed to heal !! and honestly, i was ready to fall into the mode of “all of the forms of love sucks” hahahaha !!

I agree a hundred percent, I too was about to give up on kaisoo having their happy end… A scene that comes to me is the moment in the last few chapters when Jongin is seen on his knees and begging for Kyungsoo to stay. I couldn’t help but feel so many emotions. The most glaring thought I have is what a bastard Jongin is. He is definitely not one a 100% but he has a lot of flaws and so does Kyungsoo… but i was just wondering as to how Jongin has really hurt a person who means a lot to him, and this person in turn loves him, why issit when Kyungsoo wants to set boundaries, it is very difficult for Jongin to accept that… The premise is ridiculous to me, but that is a reflection of their choices in the fic, again it is not a slander against the writer, yeolimerent really does a wonderful job and it is evident when you feel so strongly for the characters.

So my question for the both of you, Jie you go first: What surprised you the most in this fic?

Probably, the scene that surprised me was when kyungsoo chose to run away with Seonho. because at first i kinda expected that kyungsoo will probably leave everything with the much pressure and issues happening in his life, but the last thing i expected for kyungsoo to do is him choosing to live somewhere far away with his ex 😭. i don’t know because my first hunch is like Kyungsoo will leave but like, alone but then the author is like ✨surprise!!!✨i have this second thought that maybe jongin will go with him but it’s kind of blurry when jongin and krystal interact in other scene again ughhh.

Oooh that part! I found that scene really heartwarming in a way? I didn’t expect that Kyungsoo would be running away with him too, knowing their history. Thank god they did that because I genuinely believe that Seonho, as a character, had a lot of potential, and yeolimerent took great advantage of it in the plot, which I love.

Right?! But i haven’t look deeper into seonho’s character there because i’m getting whiplash from kyungsoo’s feelings TT

I understand Jie’s point on it being surprising! You usually wont find exes spending time with each other… what more traveling and staying together…But interestingly enough it feels like a natural progression to have Seonho travel and stay with Kyungsoo. Yes they were romantically involved, but they are able to put the past behind and be genuine best friends without romantic feelings. And I also agree with Yu that Seonho was the best person Kyungsoo could have ran away with. They already knew and understood each other deeply because of their family backgrounds and I find their relationship to be very endearing… something very nice to read.

Yu, were you surprised at that point too? Or what other moments of the fic made you feel surprised?

When I first read this fic, I was convinced that Jongin had feelings for Kyungsoo the first time they met each other. I also feel kind of skeptical with my hunch since he always seemed like he’s siding with Soojung and setting Kyungsoo aside? (Probably because he lacked boundaries huhu) However, I was genuinely surprised and CRUSHED when I found out that Jongin was in LOVE with Kyungsoo during his POV chapters. Jongin LOVED Kyungsoo way more than I imagined and probably more than Kyungsoo could ever love him back. For Jongin, all he did, especially during the 8 years they were apart, will always be FOR Kyungsoo. So, to answer the question, I know that Jongin had the hots for Kyungsoo from the start, but I wasn’t aware that he was in DEEP.

I relate to what Yu said at her first statement. Like I was sooo convinced too! But keep getting sidetracked whenever there’s Jongin and Krystal interactions. But you know, i have half thought in my mind that i kinda expected that between kaisoo, one from them will be inlove hahaha my mind is like ‘come on! Someone should be whipped between them coz if i’m not mistaken i read a kaisoo fic and not kaistal or am raging lol’

HAHA, I too would be fustrated if it was a kaistal endgame… Okay so hopping onto that statement, that element of surprise of the fic yu, you mentioned being genuinely surprised and crushed upon finding out that Jongin was deeply in love with Kyungsoo. So how, upon going back to reading the fic for the second time, how did reading it impact you?

Well, rereading this fic already knowing the twist or the surprising part in mind, it made me analyze every interaction they have before leading to that point. I always pay attention to how Jongin will react whenever Kyungsoo does something and I felt frustrated why this man sucks at communicating his feelings and lacks boundaries to the point where Kyungsoo got badly hurt by the woman he was trying to protect. But then again, I realized that they were young and immature. When they reunited again after years of being apart, I actually saw how they both grew and matured, making more rational choices and not giving in to their impulses or defense mechanisms immediately unlike when they were young.

Wahh!! I love hearing yu’s insight regarding the fic ><

Yu, when you mentioned kaisoo upon being apart then reuniting again, how they both grew and matured, i agree with you to a certain extent. I think it is also a common thing with life. In general when we go through something traumatic or difficult, we pull ourselves away from the situation. Which Kyungsoo does.

Kyungsoo is soooo real for running away though like, that makes him a human and not like a true fictional character, if y’all know what i mean. Because it is human nature to run away when something inconvenient happens in our lives. And i do that too, but not like kyungsoo running away in other country, (i don’t have the money for that yet HAHA) to be honest, the scene where kyungsoo’s life was already fucked up (due to his dad) and no one believing him when his project got stolen, it is the maximum peak of pain tbh i’m GLAD he did ran away but i’m not glad that he got dragged back. Life sucks (with personal sentiments haha).

Yes exactly, so he left, but then a cruel twist of fate forces them to meet again. And the almost 10 years apart really has them thinking they have grown out of each other. But very evidently so, within the 8 years, we see the both of them yearning for each other despite being apart even after they hurt each other so much.

I agree! Despite lying to themselves that they only want revenge (in Jongin’s case) and they moved on (in Kyungsoo’s case), it is undeniable that did not stop thinking about each other for almost a decade they were apart. They are each other’s greatest and true love.

Even in life, fate has this thing where it will test you. It will see if you have learnt from your past, learnt from your mistakes and sometimes if we do not actively practice how to train ourselves to be better, when put in the same position as before, that is the test. Will we make the same mistake again? Will we consciously and cautiously make a more informed decision? Will we learn from the past? Or will we make a worse decision?

And I think for Kyungsoo, after the intense shock he got from learning that Jongin is his superior, he slowly eases into the idea. Then he is reminded of his younger days where they were young college students. And because of the reminiscing, he falls into the same head space, the same habits that he had previously…

I think Kyungsoo going back to his toxic ways is a proof that he was not able to properly heal at all and was just repressing everything all this time.

and this time i found it to be worse? It is a very bad coping mechanism where both kaisoo are terrible at communication, so they resort to a very toxic cycle of sex… slowly overtime it does get better, but even when you believe everything is getting better, there comes a bigger whiplash that pushes kaisoo away from each other… i keep finding myself thinking wow, they really cant catch a break… and when they do it is very measured, you can feel the oncoming doom and it feels like a game.

To be honest, if kaisoo has good communication here the pride will be just two shot fic LOL.

Ok that is very true. That tension for conflict will always force the plot to move.

I agree with the toxic cycle they have especially when one of them has a view of sex can be casual too omg. I can remember I had a phase while reading Pride: I was like talking, throwing side comments as if Kyungsoo or Jongin from Pride could hear me. That’s similar to when you’re watching a great movie and trying to talk with the main lead HAHAHAAHA. But i sorta think that kaisoo should have like longer periods of healing time before they go back as lovers :<

And for Jie, how did reading Pride the second time impact you?

I’m gonna be honest here because I don’t count myself as a huge fan of heavy angst stories because I know the effect they have on me. Yes yes I kinda expect that i’ll be asked why i decided to read when pride has complete tags. Sometimes, I have this mood where I want to read something beyond my comfort zone (tags like similar to pride, top soo fics and such) and I have that when I decided to save the pride in my bookmarks. My emotions during the first time reading Pride versus rereading it, didn’t change at all, despite knowing what to happen anymore. I felt like I absorbed kyungsoo’s emotions and I feel the pain too when everything is not falling to his plans. My mood shifts perfectly depending on the scenes and the feeling of being scared despite already knowing what’s about to happen in the next scenes never left me even reading it in the second time 😭. I’ve always been anxious of intense emotions and it’s like a default emotion for me. The intense scenes just always give me the thrum of a different adrenaline rush every time.

I can relate to the adrenaline rush oh my! It is interesting that we are here today because Jie, you very passionately recommended this fic yet you are not a huge fan of heavy angst. So what are your favorite tropes to read if not heavy angst?

I believe I have a huge imaginative mind, because I love reading a lot of sci-fi and falling into the fantasy category. There’s always angst in every story, I don’t mind it as long as the story has an ending I’m satisfied with. Strangers to lovers is also an interesting trope for me hehe.

Your favorite tropes are almost the total opposite of Pride haha, so why Pride? What made you read this fic?

I’m gonna answer this with a different view of mine, the tags that the Pride have didn’t interest me a lot because as you said, it’s the total opposite of what the tropes I love. I think I have taken the risk to read it because I’m actually trying to explore different tropes now compared to before. This fic totally stood out a lot to me this year (from all the fanfic I’ve read this year) . I pretty much regret not choosing it to read earlier than necessary because it has been sitting in my bookmarks for a year before I read it. And also I want to read something beyond the capabilities of my emotions (this sounds like i’m applying for a job LOL) . But for real, I opted to be more open minded in the tropes that I didn’t quite like before and here I am! I loved it but probably it will take some time before I read something heavy like pride hehe.

That is quite stimulating to explore different tropes, making the choice to be more open minded. Eventually what gave you the push to finally read it? Was it from the summary or the taggings or someone else recommending it…?

I decided to read it amidst the stress I was having earlier this year. Maybe the stress or the will I have to be distracted at that time pushed me to reading pride. I’ve started reading the pride during my board exam (that’s like a national exam in the philippines that requires us to be a registered professional) but i managed to finish the pride after my board exam and got the results HAHA. Because I realized that I added more nerve wrecking emotions upon reading the few first chapters of pride. And I’m glad I did that instead of distracting myself during my review season.

What about Yu, are you a heavy angst reader?

I can’t say I’m a heavy angst reader but I CAN say I’m a fan of it. Like if I’m going to rank it, it’ll be in my top 5 fave fic trope, but I can never just casually read angst fics in my free time like it’s the morning newspaper, you know? I can only read angst fics when I’m in the right headspace for it, like reading angst that makes me sob on my bed at 3am haha.

Understand, understand.., reading angst when you are not in the proper headspace… may make your day suddenly gloomy.,,

Going back to the 5 questions that was asked for the discord submissions:

We have covered the first question on, a brief summary of the plot, character and premise. And just a few minutes ago the question on the impact this fic had on you.

Lesson Learnt, Fav Scenes, Why

The next three questions will be on: What has this fic taught you? And what particular scene was it in the fic that moved you? And why do you love this fic?

Let’s start with yu. Yu, what has this fic taught you?

Pride has taught me that pushing people away on purpose will not serve us any good and will just lead to more regrets in the future. Communicating what you truly feel to the one you love is really the key to resolve any issues or insecurities you have. I have also learned that what you think about other people or whatever their intentions are, may not be necessarily true and concluding things without properly talking it out will just result in more problems and as I have mentioned, regret and guilt.

I like your points. I want to expand on it a bit more, but before that upon identifying the two learning points for this fic, what is your favorite scene from Pride? Or what is a prominent scene that you always find yourself thinking about?

For me, my favorite scene in Pride was when Jongin went after Kyungsoo at the bar and he saw that Kyungsoo was kissing Seonho. Then their confrontation happened and Kyungsoo said a lot of hurtful things to Jongin and the latter was begging for him to talk this out. For me it was the turning point for Jongin to completely change his life and prove to Kyungsoo what he lost (which absolutely backfired because he’s still whipped as hell with Kyungsoo).

Yes and this scene happens in chapter 11 titled ‘Escape Plan’ right? Could you do grace us by reading an extract from the chapter?

Jongin shuts his eyes, obviously bothered by the idea but chose not to acknowledge it. With pleading gaze, he takes Kyungsoo’s hand again.

“Soo…” he mumbles shakily, “What’s the problem? If I did something wrong… then I’m sorry. Let’s go now, please?”

“Get off!”

Something pierces his chest when Jongin’s eyes begin to glisten. But no, Soo’s far from done. He’ll end this once and for all.

“What? Still don’t get it? Fine, I’ll elaborate.” he exhales a deep breath and flashes his casual smile, “You’re an experiment. Get it? Flavor of the month, whatever the fuck you want to call it! And now I realize I actually prefer rich, fun assholes who can give me thrill—you’re not it.”

End of scene.

So, what I really love about this scene is the intensity of both the characters’ emotions. I love how Jongin was mad at Kyungsoo for almost making out with his ex, it then turned into him begging for Kyungsoo to stop hurting him. On the other hand, Kyungsoo is blinded by his anger and pain with what happened with his father and Soojung that he resorted to hurting Jongin and proving him “wrong”. For others, it might seem that this part is all just for the sake of drama, but I genuinely believe this was Jongin’s turning point into reaching for his dreams and taking Kyungsoo back in the next chapters. He may have had different intentions (revenge) in the beginning, but at the end of the day, Jongin cannot resist his first love.

Thank you for sharing that scene. Intense emotions indeed. And with that it forces kaisoo apart.

A point i have after Yu mentioned having learnt that pushing people away does us no good, the scene that comes to me is a while after Kyungsoo goes back to Korea. To set the context a bit more, I think it was a few days after Seonho went back to Korea. After the scene in the carpark, Jongin brought Kyungsoo to his mansion. Seonho purposely made it seem as though Kyungsoo still had feelings for him, so Jongin got mad. In the car it really is very heartbreaking to see Kyungsoo cry and cry and cry… The moment that gets to me is the following day. Jongin takes Kyungsoo on a ride of nostalgia… Brings him to the furniture shop and then the diner… the diner where his last memories of the place were just so terrible… let me read an extract from the scene.

These are two bits from chapter 24 titled Not Allowed. Extract goes like this:

Soo keeps his silence and the hope falters on the other’s face as he finally takes notice.

"Soo.” he calls, “What’s wrong?”

The designer shuts his eyes and firmly shakes his head again, “Nothing. Just tired.”

Even the familiar noise around brings him a headache. Do you know that nostalgia that pierces right through you?

This is more than that. When he left this country and this life so many years ago, this place is one of the things he buried. He marked his own words not to step foot here again but here he is now, with Jongin right in front of him as if his whole life is a big joke.

Do you remember that? Soo asks himself as bitterness begins to stand out among the other glaring emotions, the last time you were here, do you remember?

End of scene.

You best believe i fucking CRIED! This moment, although short, you can feel the pulling of Kyungsoo’s heart. It is very distressing to read…

Yoooo this scene is actually painful and all, like I wonder how disappointed Kyungsoo is in himself for going back to the past he’s trying to run away and forget omg!!!

The next moment I will be sharing is the point on what Yu shared on communicating what you truly feel to resolve any issues or insecurities.

This moment is slightly after the scene I read a minute ago, and the extract goes like this:

Soo grits his teeth hard before looking at him.

“Why did you bring me here?” he asks between heavy breaths, “Of all places, why here, Jongin? Huh? Why Kare?”

Kyungsoo finally takes courage this time. He gains the guts to look at Jongin and ask. He watches how the other man’s face completely softens. It’s like he never thought he would have to answer this question soon.

“Because…” Jongin sighs in defeat, sounding calmer this time, “because this place is special to us.”

Soo’s eyes begin to glisten. He swallows hard before weakly looking at Jongin.

“You’re being so unfair.” he mutters pleadingly, “You’re unfair. I don’t need this. Please… just stop.”

Jongin steps closer to him and Soo takes a step back by instinct.

“How am I being unfair, Soo?” he hates how hurt Jongin looks. Because this isn’t the image he needs to guilt him every night when it’s his right to move on, “You’re the one I want. If I need to prove it in any way, then I will.”

It feels like a strong blow for Soo. But more than anything else, he refuses to believe he’s hearing it, too.

End of scene.

Here we find that Jongin does not understand why Kyungsoo is feeling and acting in a slight offensive manner. Kyungsoo actively and purposefully makes it very difficult for Jongin and builds up his walls so that he is unreadable… but these bursts of heavy and difficult emotions that bubble through the walls makes it very confusing for Jongin. Kyungsoo definitely does not share his true, honest and vulnerable thoughts. And as a reader the miscommunication part hurts.

Jie, how about your learning point of Pride? What did this fic teach you about life?

This fic actually helped me to understand more and give me deeper insights about the flaws of each person, the differences we have and what we need to work out for ourselves when we’re making bonds to other people. And also adding that no matter what happens to your life, you only have yourself as your best pal because even the most trusted person you have, will not understand you and can be the reason for your downfall. BUT then no matter how painful we went through, moving on and forgiveness is important.

I agree, moving on and forgiveness is indeed important in life.

And jie, share with us, what is your favourite scene from Pride? Or what is a scene that you think about when you think of this fic?

I think in all of the scenes in Pride, my favourite scene of all time will be the part where kyungsoo and baekhyun mend their broken friendship. I really love the part where despite being hurt, kyungsoo still cares for baekhyun and tries to help him in any way possible and all while protecting himself too. I can’t really put much into words but I do find it beautiful that they both still managed to fix their bond together and in the end, it’s baekhyun’s turn to help kyungsoo in a way for him to finally settle on the person that makes him happy. They both want happiness for each other and it’s just so genuine.

Ah, chapter 26 titled Make It Up To You… with that, Jie, Could you do us the honor of reading an extract from that chapter?

“You can never lie to me, Baekhyun.” Soo looks in front, pausing to drink, “We could stop being friends and I’d still know you better than anyone.”

The other man’s expression is hard, obviously tugged in his most fragile spot. But then, his lips begin to quiver. Baekhyun bites it hard before looking away.

“Just tell me.” Soo tells him without any display of emotion once again. He doesn’t know what Baekhyun wants to get from him so he keeps it neutral.

“I thought we’re not friends?” Baekhyun grins again but the pain is slowly resurfacing on his face now, “I don’t really need your sympathy right now, Soo.”

“I’m not giving you sympathy. I want to hear it and by the end, I can decide if you’ve been an idiot or not. I can even make you feel worse if you’d like me to.” Kyungsoo says without batting an eye and the other boy is speechless again, “Just tell me everything and stop keeping it in, dumbass.”

End of scene.

I just love how Kyungsoo is not giving Baekhyun sympathy for what’s happening to his old friend’s life. But because it’s only Kyungsoo who knows him since day one, it’s also him who can only understand what’s happening to Baekhyun. Friendships are falling into platonic relationships already, so what Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have in this scene is a huge factor that helped them both heal from their personal issues. Friendships deserve closures too just like romantic relationships, and this scene gave them the closure they both need. I think it’s beautiful that when Kyungsoo managed to mend his bond with Baekhyun, his bond with Jongin came after.

Thank you for sharing that scene. I really like the point that friendships need closure too. The people you meet in life, friends and family… Relationships and generally life as well, it is a journey. There are moments we may not necessarily get along and our relationship with them may not be the best, which we see from this fic that it is perfectly fine. Because who knows?

Yes you may have a difficult friendship, but after the wound from the friendship has mellowed down a bit, there are opportunities, as Jie mentioned, to mend the friendship. As long as both parties are still well and alive, nothing is set in stone, there is always a choice to build that burnt bridge.

Now ladies and gays and kaisoo listeners of the podcast, we have come to the end of the last segment. This segment we looked at three different points of learning from Pride and each of us read a moment in the fic that holds a special place in our hearts.

We have reached the end of the episode, so yu and jie, do you have any other running thoughts that you have that we did not cover today, be it thoughts on the fic or your experience in the podcast today?

First of all, If I could, I would like to send a huge love for yeolimerent for writing such a masterpiece. She has put me on a thrilling roller coaster of emotions that I’m so torn from crying or loving her story. But as always, love wins!! She wrote the characters to perfection with their flaws and I think that’s just so amazing because I could never do that huhu. But anyway, I’m so glad that I took the risk of reading Pride because I got to learn a lot of things that I could put into real life. And I’m sooo happy that I get to share this experience with Yu and my dear Alexio. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to make this podcast but then, I’m so glad that you made the discord, and meeting you is one of the main highlights of my year. Sending forever love to kaisoo and kaisooists < 333

Aw, you are so sweet. I am also very grateful. Thank you for joining the discord, thank you for coming on the show with Yu and I.

For Pride, I really want to say thank you to yeolimerent for creating this masterpiece. Reading it every time is always an experience. The way the plot unfolded, the characters and their flaws were curated, and the emotions were unveiled is just chef’s kiss. As for the podcast, it has been an honor to be a part of this episode and the fact that I get to talk about something I’m really passionate about. I hope I get to do things outside of my comfort zone more often and I wanted to say thank you to you and Jie for having me here.

Yu and Jie, you are both most welcome, and it is a joy to have hosted kaisoo readers today. I will relay your sentiments to yeolimerent. This is the end of the podcast episode, but this is not the end of our journey together as kaisooists, and as kaisooists in the discord, because there are many things to engage in, in the server. I do hope to see the both of you, and our dear listener for this episode, coming in on the discord!

Dear listener, the link to the ao3 for Pride will be given below in the notes section.

With that, as I mentioned earlier in the episode, we will get a chance to have a chat with the author of the fic. So tomorrow’s tomorrows’s episode will be with yeolimerent!

New episodes either every 13th of the month, in commemoration of kaisoo day in january, or 12th and 14th of the month.

To reach me, i am kaisooficdrunk on twitter and if you want you can drop me questions on my curious cat you can do so with the same username. There will also be another link that brings you to my tumblr blog with the transcription for today’s episode. There you can also find the other scripts for other episodes as well.

Thank you for listening, have a good day, dear kaisooist, and we look forward to the next episode. Stay tuned.

#kaisooficpodcast #kaisoo

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kyooongie · 1 year ago

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YESSSS I think you're talking about for you by spacequokka, I love that one too!!! Btw when you read felon or to be replaced I'd love to hear your thoughts! Oh I feel you though, I have always disliked aff, there's something off putting about it somehow. But I'm so desperate for bbh fics and I've been through all of tumblr and ao3's stocks (I think maybe I'm doing something wrong with ao3 though and accidentally excluding too much from my searches? Because I never find that much there... But I really only filter out fics that ship/pair bbh with the exo members, because I want to be his pairing teehe, so idk) so now I guess I gotta try aff haha. Thinking about how bbh and the rest of exo don't have as much fanfics on here as they used to since they're an older group now makes me so sad

ANON I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH. OMFG. here it is. omg. i am literally asking for ur hand in marriage RIGHT NOW. it is really hard to find reader insert fics on ao3. no shade to anyone on there but yea i feel like the only good fics are member/member T__T i dont really have member ships in exo anymore (however middle school olive: massive sekai fan) so yea i pre much stick to tumblr. i really enjoy the kinds of fics that are like, real stories, which is definitely harder to find a) off ao3 and b) in what has become a smaller fandom. not exo related but i would consider "to be first, to be best" by kittebasu as one of the best fanfics of all time. im writing fics too but im taking FOREVER bc i want to emulate that style the best i can for reader insert (but that fic is so amazing that i def won't even come close). to every request i have sitting in my inbox im SORRYYYY i will not turn every single one of them into a novella i promise also. i just finished felon. and omfg. I CANT BELIEVE IT ENDS LIKE THAT... NO UPDATE IN 3 YEARS..... i literally threw my phone across the fucking room when baekhyun caught her talking to kyungsoo i freaked the FUCK out lol. and can i just say i would have folded way sooner in her position fgshjfhsjk especially if we're operating under the assumption that its written to be lotto era baekhyun like...... im not that strong..............

#olive #ask #damn what a ride #feeling #EMPTY #this is why i dont read incomplete fics but that was worth

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anyamaris · 1 year ago

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In my rambling about your fic I forgot to thank you for paying so much attention to kyungsoo's lips because honestly he has the prettiest most kissable lips in the universe he looks so 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 imma stop myself before I go on and on lmao

Ughhh I'll make sure to tell you if I think of any prompt but honestly I'd be happy to read about any of them 🤭

Today was better yes! It was more chill and I was able to take my break in peace. It was still hot af but well. I went to the gym too and I'm so sore lmao but I feel good ✨ tysm for asking 🫶🏼 how about you?

- 🍒

Thank you for noticing how much attention I paid to his lips...I'm seriously ridiculously infatuated with them, just...pure melting. I could go on and on and on about them ...so I understand!

No worries, I normally just need to think about it for a bit and something will come to me. Actually, between your last message and this one, I've already started Baekhyun!

I'm so happy today was better. Yeah, i'm not a summer fan at ALL. But I cannot wait for the fall season to come, it's my favorite time of year, so that's exciting! Let's just get through the icky summer and then enjoy! Sore from the gym is a good thing so I won't say I'm sorry for that! I need to get my chubby butt to the gym, or down to the pool, oof.

I'm doing alright. I have four cats so just struggling to write while they all want attention in shifts. One especially loves to walk all over my keyboard and fights my hands so I look like I've been fighting a tiger with all the scratches on my hands! Little buggers, but I love them.

Hopefully Ill be able to get this Baekhyun out in the next day or so! Looking forward to more of their content to feed us.

ALSO....Wanteez episode has me melting over Yeosang all over again, so I may need to write some of my ult Yeosang comfort fic stuff just to make myself happy 🤍💜🤍

#🍒 anon #love my 🍒anon exoltiny #Exo #Exol

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fanficsofmine · 7 years ago

Text

Gwisin - Kyungsoo

A pieceby our guest writer @watermonkey0 based off of one of our moodboards — Kyungsoo as a Gwisin/Ghost!

This was stealing, and I think we both knew it. The landlord dropped those keys in my hand for pennies on the dollar and a prayer. She crossed herself like a nun whenever she passed my door on the hall, and insisted I pick up all my mail on the ground floor. But the hike down the stairs was a sweet deal for $300 off every month.

The fact that the apartment already had a permanent resident didn’t bother me either, not anymore. Not like it used to.

He startled me at first. I wasn’t expecting him to waltz in while I was using the restroom, and it was an exercise to school my face. The last thing I wanted him to know was that I could see him. Because he was dead, and normal people could not see dead people. He caught my flinch though, and I braced myself for the months of testing to come.

He was why my rent was so cheap, and why my landlady was as devout as the pope. There was a ghost haunting my apartment…and he was easy on the eyes.

Most days I spied him hovering in the kitchen, hands passing through the dishes I neglected to do like he was itching to clean.

If only, I would mutter.

Other times he would stalk me around the apartment, yelling in my ears or trying to touch me, anything to garner a reaction. Jokes on him though, because I’d dealt with obnoxious spirits like him all my life. One lonely boy wasn’t going to frighten me off.

He looked like he was about my age with cropped black hair. His round face framed big eyes and curiously shaped lips–like a heart. Sometimes at night, once he had tired of screaming, he would sing to me as he hovered over the end of the bed. I’ve fallen asleep more than once listening to his lullabies.

The only person who knew about my special sight was my aunt, who claimed she’d had it when she was younger as well. She was the only one who believed me when it felt like I was going insane. She urged me to use my ‘gift’ for good, to help send those stuck souls on to their afterlife. But I was much too busy with the living to even consider the dead. I was in my final hours of my pre-med degree, applications were due for grad school and I still had requirements to meet. I had no job, no car, and no cash. My discounted rent was a blessing, but still an eventuality. I didn’t have time to go chasing after the dearly departed to fix their issues. I had plenty of my own!

For example: it was 3 am and I could feel his gaze on me. I needed to sleep, there was a big test tomorrow, but those big brown eyes were boring holes into my head. This was our typical routine for the past few weeks. He’d grow tired of running through me, through the fridge, through the walls, and when he was done hollering for the night, he stared. Once, I allowed myself to gaze back, pretending to be staring mindlessly at the wall behind him. His expression was never evil or angry. Of course it wasn’t like he was happy either. He blank-faced at me all night, a general weariness in the lines around his mouth. For the most part, he never did anything inappropriate, which I was thankful. There wasn’t a lot he could do to me since I hadn’t been cursed with the ability to touch the dead, but he still looked away when I changed, or disappeared when I showered. Tonight however, with my eyes closed, I felt a shift.

A literal shift. He lowered himself to the space beside me in bed. I automatically rolled to face away from him, annoyed that this was where my night was headed. Although I couldn’t touch them, and they couldn’t touch me, the sensation wasn’t imperceptible. Like when he tentatively put a hand on my elbow, I felt a chill as if part of me had been exposed to life outside of my warm blanket cocoon. I wanted to shrug him off, but I couldn’t pull it off naturally while pretending to sleep. So I let him touch me, sending goose bumps up and down my arm.

“I wish you’d talk to me.” He whispered into my hair. I swallowed down my sudden guilt and focused on my breathing. ��The last person I talked to killed me.”

I must admit that I googled the apartment after discovering my roommate. News articles were shallow on details, but apparently before the owner remodeled, this building had been the definition of the rough part of town. My stowaway was not the only person to have died in this building. I didn’t see them running amok though. They never flipped all the lights on to annoy me, or turn my air conditioning all the way down to freeze me out. Did he not know how much my electric bill already was? The point was, he was the only spirit who couldn’t seem to move on.

“I’d tell you the story if you turned around.” He went on, a hopeful note in his voice. When I didn’t move, he sighed. I already knew the story though: ‘Man Shot Dead in Drug Deal Gone Wrong’. The article was scarcely more than a few lines, but down at the bottom was a picture of a familiar face. His school photo if I had to guess. He seemed much more than a druggie in it though. His hair was styled carefully, his clothes were tidy and seemed clean, and he was smiling a bright cheery smile that gave no indication of ‘meth head’ (plus his teeth were perfect too, which made it even less likely). He never smiled like that now, it was usually more of a frustrated grimace. And why would he? He’s dead. I wouldn’t smile either.

“You have an exam tomorrow.” He continued on absently, still giving me chills. “You’ve been cramming all week.”

‘No thanks to you,’ I wanted to bark. I managed to open an eye and glare at the Organic Chem bible laying on my desk. Stupid stupid chemistry. Why the hell did I ever want to be a doctor?

“And you’re still worried about it.” I made a face at the desk, one he couldn’t see because I was facing away from him. He was just rambling at this point, but I was curious to know why he thought I was nervous. “You always make Italian when you’re worried about school. I’ve noticed…” He trailed off. If I’d been standing, my mouth would have hung in surprise. How the ever-loving hell–

Do I really make pasta when I’m nervous? I quickly thought back to every exam I’d taken this semester and realized, to my horror, that he was absolutely right. Spaghetti for Organic Chem, Fettuccine for Biology, and Tortellini for Physics. No wonder I’d gained so much weight! I wanted to bury my head in the pillow and give myself a stern talking to about my carb intake, but he was still meandering, and there was nothing I could do but listen.

“I wanted to be an engineer.” His hand slowly started to trail up my arm and I suppressed another shiver. “I remember my second year in college, my thermodynamics professor…ugh, what a jackass–” Without meaning to, I let out a snort in agreement. Professors were the bane of my current existence (after the detestable ghost in my apartment, of course), I could relate. His voice hitched, and I quickly tried to play it off as a sleepy cough.

He didn’t speak again for a long moment, but after, continued on like nothing had happened. Maybe he was finally starting to believe that I couldn’t see him. My acting skills were getting better, if I do say so myself.

“Professor Lichten…he would put Easter eggs in his syllabus, so that only those who read it could pass his class. There was one time…” I listened to his story easily. He had such a voice, low and melodic, that it cradled me right to sleep. I’m sure he still stared, but I didn’t mind him looking. Knowing just a little bit about him seemed to take the edge off my dread.

When my alarm went off the next morning, it felt like I’d just shut my eyes. Groggily, I threw off my covers and went to get ready half blind. No one needed to look nice for exams. It would have been more surprising had I shown up with straight hair and a full stomach. Instead, just like everyone else, I was swaddled in my comfiest sweats and trudged into the classroom with the same half-baked expression of a student who’d stayed up all night studying–being nagged by a relatable ghost. I grunted to the other people in my class who seemed just as awake as I was before taking my seat squarely in the middle of 50 or so seniors.

The cold spaghetti I ate for breakfast churned in my stomach as I pulled out my pencils and calculator. If I was very very lucky, I would make it through this test only slightly marred and go home to finish my grad school application in peace. It wasn’t as though I got poor grades, but that I could feel my brain reaching capacity. If I didn’t take a break soon, I was going to overflow.

My professor, Ms. Segundas, came trotting in once the clock struck 8:00, as bright and cheery as death. It was perhaps true, the joke that those who can’t do, teach. She seemed too young to be a scholar and held about herself an air of resentment. For us it meant she gave no quarter, spared no feelings. If we were to be doctors, she would say, we should get used to the antipathy. She distributed the tests without a word of greeting, but we all looked on expectantly. This was no time for pleasantries after all. This was–

“Hello.”

My pen skidded up my page, leaving a huge black smear across the face. I stared at the blemish in shock for a moment, and then up at the person standing right beside my desk.

I shouldn’t have! I should have kept my composure! I’d kept this charade up for years, and now I watched dolefully as it crumbled to his feet.

It was him, the man. He stood to the side, tantalizingly close, invisible to everyone…but me. And he’d literally just ruined my life.

His eyes caught my recognition, and there was no amount of coughing or pretending that was going to cover it up. I’d let my guard down because he’d never shown up anywhere but home. It was a boundary I thought I’d been blessed with, but now I saw it had all been a ruse. His trump card. Too little too late, I realized I understood nothing of ‘spirits’ or how any of it worked. How stupid of me to think I was safe from the wind.

“Holy shit…you–you can see me!” His hands went up in the air in disbelief as I gawked. “I knew it! I knew it!” In the silence of the classroom, I was the only one hearing his shouts of joy.

Knowing I couldn’t make a scene without being committed, I gritted my teeth and bore it, refocusing on my test as he ran up and down the aisle, hooping and hollering. I only managed to get through two or three questions before he was back, rounding up to me again, panting. The fact that he was ‘out of breath’ was a ridiculous notion, but the gleam in his eye was delighted.

“I thought I was going to go crazy–” He started.

“Well you’re dead so…” I muttered under my breath. The girl to my left shot me a puzzled look before going back to her exam.

“Oh my god. Oh my god! You just talked to me!” He chanted, and I seriously considered just getting up and leaving, but there was no way I could explain to Ms. Segundas why I was going, or why she should let me retake. Not wanting to bother anyone else, I pulled out my scratch paper and scribbled down a note to the maddening sprite.

‘I’m busy! Get lost!’ I shoved the paper to the edge of the desk, and he leapt for it like a lifeline…and then faltered at what it said.

“But…no. No, I just found you.” He rambled and I rolled my eyes.

‘You’ve been bothering me for weeks.’ I wrote.

“Sorry, I just…” He shallowly bent his head in shame, “wanted you to see me.” That damn guilt he’d planted last night blossomed into something unruly in my heart, and I quickly hacked away at it.

‘I see you–now go away!’

He glanced around the room after that, like he was finally understanding where we were.

“You were really worried…” He trailed off and went unexpectedly quiet. I was not one to spurn luck, so I quickly returned to my test in peace…relatively.

I poured everything I had out onto that paper; question after question; Alkyl Halides, Stereochemistry, Alkenes and Alkynes, Conjugated Systems, Aromatic Compounds, Ketones, Aldehydes, Amines–

My pen flew (more like sputtered) over the problems until I reached the dreaded question #47. I bit my thumbnail as I recited and rearranged and reworded the problem again and again:

‘Which of the following Dioxanes are potentially explosive?’

It listed three picture options, each minutely different, and ‘none of the above’. I debated between figure A and figure B, fidgeting nervously in my chair.

“If you don’t know, just come back to it.” The ghost said. He was relaxing on the desktop of the girl next to me. It took getting used to, the way matter moved through him instead of relative to him, as if his existence wasn’t on plane with ours. This was the split, I understood, between science and spirituality. My glare at him softened when I saw how the girl’s arm swam right through him. Was her hand cold? Did he feel the tip of her pen?

“Eyes on your own papers.” Ms. Segundas suddenly announced and the whole class jumped at the abrupt intrusion on the silence…all but me of course, because I never got silence. I quickly looked back to my test and the fearsome #47. It was still blocking me, and I still didn’t know the answer.

“She’s sure got a stick up her–” He started but I cut him off with a cough. He raised an eyebrow at my censure, but kept quiet as I skipped on ahead. The rest of the questions weren’t exactly cake, but I muddled through to the end, circling back for my nemesis. Since staring at it didn’t seem to help, I told myself to break it down logically: I knew peroxide was potentially explosive, and these compounds certainly looked like the recipe for it, but I couldn’t remember for sure. With a frustrated sigh, I resigned to guessing. A fifty-fifty chance was still better than leaving it blank. My pen hovered over figure A and–

“It’s D, none of the above.” He whispered in my ear, the feeling of frozen air wafting on my cheek.

If I was being honest, I would admit that I was a proud person, a prideful person, I like to do things on my own…but my mama also taught me not to slap fortune’s hand.

‘Explain.’ I ordered on the paper.

“Those first two are too basic and…the third one isn’t even real.” He traced his finger over the lines of the pictured compounds.

‘How do you know?’ I asked, even as I subtly filled in the bubble for D.

“I aced O-chem.” He grinned, and I about tossed my desk.

‘Are you kidding me!’ I scrawled furiously. ‘I could kill you!’ I nearly stabbed through the sheet.

“Bit late for that.” He laughed and pointed out two more that I’d gotten wrong.

Let me remind us all that there is nothing in the academic handbook or policy about getting assistance from a ghost! I even looked it up. So I decided that I would feel guilty about it later. I’d donate something to a charity as penance. But right then, as I turned in my test, I was doing my happy dance.

“God, I feel like my brain just lost 10 pounds.” I sighed out in the quad. I had the sense to put in my headphones so it would look like I was on the phone and not talking to nothing. “I can’t believe you let me suffer like that!” I sneered at him.

“I told you I went for engineering.” He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Engineers don’t take O-chem.” I returned suspiciously.

“Biomedical ones do.” He shot back.

It occurred to me once and for all that this was not the face of a tweaker. His was not a brain that was degraded by meth. You can’t go through O-chem and have done cocaine (O-chem certainly teaches you how to make cocaine, but that’s beside the point). So I decided to cease my bickering…and turn around.

I bit my lip to keep from grinning as he rounded me, confused as he could be.

“What are you doing?”

“You said you’d tell me the story if I turned around.” His eyes widened and a blush bloomed on his face. “You can start with your name.” I said triumphantly.

“Kyungsoo.” He answered with a smile.

“Kyungsoo…I like that.” I tested his name in my mouth and was pleasantly surprised by its flavor. His face only grew more and more red and I saw the opportunity to pay him back for all those sleepless nights. “Come on, Kyungsoo. Let’s go.” I ticked my head in the direction of the bus stop.

“Where to?” He asked, already falling into step with me.

“Home.”

#do kyungsoo #kyungsoo #d.o.#exo d.o.#do kyungsoo fanfic #kyungsoo fanfiction #kyungsoo fanfic #kyungsoo fan fic #kyungsoo fan fiction #exo #exo fan fic #exo fan fiction #kpop #kpop fan fic #kpop fan fiction #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction

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dokyungsou-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Blind Love [III]

Genre(Rating): Fluff/Angst(PG-13)

Word Count: 1971

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader

Summary: Accidents can be life changing, but so can love.

Masterlist

Months had passed since ice skating at the rink, and it was now late May. You were outside on the porch, enjoying the sun gently shining down on your skin. Ever since your feelings had changed about Kyungsoo, you wanted to get out more and especially talk to Kyungsoo more. He came by your house often, offering cookies and cakes he baked for the whole neighborhood. He’d stay for a while, talking to you and Bora whenever she’d visit you as well.

Bora had gotten a boyfriend a few days after winter ended, and his name was Chanyeol. She met him through Kyungsoo and had gotten along with him instantly. Since then, you also became close friends with him. He’d visit you along with Bora and always goofed around, creating many funny memories and giving you reasons to laugh your heart out. Kyungsoo would always get annoyed by Chanyeol, and it was very funny. You four spent a lot of time together, and everything was falling into place.

Whenever you were with Kyungsoo, your heart felt warm and comfortable. His voice was calming, gentle, and compassionate. The two of you would sit on the steps of your house, listening to each other speak. You were beginning to paint again, though it seemed daunting at first, and Kyungsoo would always ask if he could keep them. He supported you so much, and now you were outside enjoying the sun and wanting to go to the movies or wanting to travel. He made you different and changed your view on your disability, despite how empty you felt about the world. He painted your vision with colors, and his paintbrush was his voice and his heart.

Whenever the weather was nice, Kyungsoo would take you to the park and have picnics. He’d describe the children playing soccer and the elderly women speed walking around the neighborhood. One afternoon, he asked you about your blindness and if it was okay if he could know what had happened to you. Your smile faded just a bit. You remembered the car crash once more, and it hurt you a bit after spending so much time forgetting about it. It was snowing that night, and you explained who had hit you.

“I got hit by a drunk driver and injured my head on the steering wheel and on the driver seat window,” You took a breath, a trembling breath, and Kyungsoo immediately held your hand. He apologized twice with furrowed brows. You smiled, pushing your tears back, and shook your head. “No it’s okay, it happened such a long time ago.” Yet you were still blind, despite what the doctor told you. Temporary blindness. The only other option would be surgery if you weren’t able to see within a year, and it frightened you.

A couple days had passed and Bora was helping you get ready for dinner with Kyungsoo. She ambushed your closet, trying to find the sexiest dress but slumped over when she was unsuccessful. “You grandma!” she shouted playfully, hitting you on the arm lightly. You laughed with her and wiped the tears away. “I’m lending you my pencil dress,” she stated, then drove back to her apartment to go grab it.

“Holy shit, you look hot.” Bora covered her mouth and made a bunch of ridiculous noises. You turned around slowly with an awkward smile on your face, and sighed. “Do I have to wear a dress? We’re not even in a relationship or anything and plus it’s night--” Bora cut you off when she put a thin coat on your shoulders. “The dress isn’t too fancy, but not too casual either. Just take my advice and thank me later.” You chuckled and put your arms through the sleeves of the coat. After sliding on some heels, Bora helped walk you outside to meet Kyungsoo. As you were walking towards him, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but blush. He was wearing an all black suit, an outfit Chanyeol had helped him out with, and when you reached out your arm, Kyungsoo gently latched onto it and helped you into the car. You smiled at his touch and felt a bit nervous. You admitted to yourself of having some sort of feeling towards Kyungsoo, but kept it quiet and only to yourself. You always thought Kyungsoo was just being really nice and just felt bad for you due to your blindness, but suddenly that thought disappeared.

When you were seated at a table, Kyungsoo helped take off your coat and afterwards, sat down onto his chair. “Have you been here before, Kyungsoo?” you asked, tapping your finger on the laminated menu. He laughed and shook his head, “No, but Bora recommended it to me. I haven’t been disappointed so far.” You smiled and waited until the waitress arrived. After getting a glass of water, Kyungsoo perused through the menu and read the items to you, reading the descriptions and the image the menu provided, but avoided mentioning the price. You bit your bottom lip, trying to decide between a salmon dish or the traditional spaghetti. You went with salmon, assuming the spaghetti would easily ruin Bora’s dress, and kindly gave your menu to Kyungsoo for him to give to the waitress. She left with a bright smile and with a flip of her long ponytail, and went off to the kitchen.

“When did you and Chanyeol meet?” you asked, trying to think of a casual conversation. “We were in the same choir class, but I’ll admit he annoyed me a lot. In the end, we became good friends but he can be irritating sometimes,” Kyungsoo laughed, and when he did, your heart fluttered. It was such a genuine, adorable, yet humble laugh. Whenever you’d compliment him, he sounded flustered and would sometimes deny the compliment. Throughout the date, you and Kyungsoo talked more than eating, and it was a thrilling time. He explained some of his embarrassing childhood moments to you, and you spoke about projects you worked on with your company. You both were intrigued by each other, and you felt as though he might be the one for you. When you two stopped talking briefly to eat your meals, you silently thought about telling him how you felt, but realizing you needed to run through it with Bora. You never dated anyone really, and this was the most serious you’ve ever felt about someone.

“I wanted to tell you something,” Kyungsoo said softly, clearing his throat. You nodded and raised your eyebrows, asking him what it was. “I had a father who was very hardworking and supported me when I was in high school,” he began. You fell silent, listening closely to his words. He sounded very serious and calm, making you a little uneasy.

“When my mother divorced him, he took it badly and turned to alcohol when he felt sad.” You adjusted yourself, holding your cold hands together, and stood still afterwards. You were a little confused by this sudden topic and mood change, but he deserved to spill his troubles as when he listened to you and yours.

“I wanted to tell you that my father--” Kyungsoo’s voice cut off. His voice was heavy with emotion, and you were starting to panic internally. Your shoulders tensed up, and your breathing fell short, waiting for Kyungsoo to continue.

“My father was the drunk driver who hit you that night.”

You nearly fainted when you heard those words. So many thoughts went off, bouncing around in your head. Thoughts of how happy you were just now faded away, and all that came now was your accident, the months you spent harbored indoors, and the day you woke up in the hospital not being able to see. You were heart broken. You felt as though you were hit once more, you were in a car accident again but now your heart began losing its vision. Is that why he spent so much time with you? Was this all just him feeling bad and pitying you? Was Kyungsoo so sweet to you because he wanted to let go of guilt? His father took away your ability to see, something you never took for granted, and it hurt so much.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know when else to tell you..” he said softly, reaching his hand out to yours. As soon as he grasped your shivering hand, you pulled it back and got up from your chair. You put your coat on as fast as you could and marched out of the restaurant, using only the walls to guide you out. As you slammed the glass doors open, you heard Kyungsoo speaking with the waitress about the bill, then you heard him calling out to you, but you were already outside on the street. You were walking down the sidewalk, your heart beating so fast it could’ve burst out of your chest. You were hyperventilating and couldn’t think so clearly.

As you struggled to walk, you suddenly stopped and felt hot tears melting down your cheeks. You burst into tears, reminiscing the times you spent with Kyungsoo and realizing it was all just a lie. He didn’t really mean all that. He just did it to unburden himself of the guilt. You snatched your earrings, necklace, and bracelet off. They were choking you, and you just wanted to go back home. As you took out your phone to dial Bora’s cell number, you heard a familiar voice rushing towards you.

“Chanyeol?” you asked with a croak in your voice. You quickly wiped your tears as he held your arms, asking if you were alright. You shook your head and asked him to take you away from here. He nodded and assisted you to his car. As you two got in, he sat silently in his seat before turning on the engine. You hugged yourself, leaning against the window, and sobbed quietly. Chanyeol asked what happened, but all you could do was mumble and hiccup from all the crying.

You were a wreck, and the last person you wanted to be around was Kyungsoo. Chanyeol reversed quickly and drove away from the curb. You were taken to Bora’s place where she prepared your bed and some clothes for you to change into. Chanyeol and Bora quietly spoke in the living room as you changed into warm pajamas, still wiping away at your tears and snot. When you returned to them, they consoled you and Bora played a comedy film on the T.V as she poured you a cup of green tea. Chanyeol took off his jacket and migrated to the kitchen, dialing Kyungsoo’s number. He called at least five times, unable to get an answer. He groaned a lot after he heard Kyungsoo’s voice mail and dialed again. Bora left you and went back to the kitchen, whispering to Chanyeol.

When Chanyeol’s phone rang, he sighed with relief and answered it loudly. “Kyungsoo, where are you? I’ve been calling you a hundred times!” Suddenly, Chanyeol stopped talking and you heard Bora gasp. Chanyeol mumbled some words before placing his cellphone on the counter.

“What’s going on?” you asked, feeling anxiety crawl up your back again. Chanyeol sounded out of breath and his voice was croaking. You realized he was crying and reached out for his hand, demanding him to tell you what happened.

“Chanyeol, what is it!” you felt panicked, desperate, and afraid. Chanyeol’s hands were cold and you could hear Bora sniffle from the kitchen.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol began. “He was hit by a car and is being treated in the hospital.”

You had thought earlier that your world had truly gone dark and had become an abyss. But after hearing Chanyeol’s trembling voice and Bora’s sobbing, only then were you were truly engulfed in darkness.

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kxmssblog · 2 years ago

Text

Il consulente

Featuring: EXO Ensemble

Your family has worked as the mafia group go-to financial advisors and consultants. When a hit is sent out, by a rogue mafia group, your entire family s wiped out. You are left with only your brother. The EXO take you under their protection, regardless of your protests to want to leave the mafia world behind, along with your troubled memories.

Warning: More blood, Injury.

_____________________________________________

Suho's scolding words stay with you for days, but you were still unable to swipe right, to receive your brother's phone calls. At first, when you had returned, and days after your heated return and exchange, he had been calling excessively for hours at a time. Each call 'missed' or the phone turned off when you were busy with work.

As weeks continued the repeated calls still came, but fewer and far spread, each day. Then recently, you could not make sense of the Wills sent to your office, of your parents, family members and his own updated copy, to let you know of all they have left behind. Of what he intended to leave behind for you.

You will not pretend to act as though Yunho's Will, had not let your stomach drop, but you had no one to share your worries with. Not even Suho or, perhaps Kyungsoo-hyung since they were always out of the house and recently, traveling out the country more frequently. Where to and the length of periods, were never shared with you, although you never asked. Only when you heard their car drive past your window, would you know of their safe return.

Now seated outside, in the central area of the business complex, the office public moved out and about around you. Your coat blazer was stifling in the warm weather compared to the chilling air con in the office.

Minseok was somewhere, but nowhere in your sight. You know, where ever he stood to watch over you, was seething in anger, that you left your building without letting him know. Without his approach, you know he understood that you needed fresh air, although you could have called or shot a text at him for courtesy's sake.

You visibly shrug, with your blank phone, as silent as the past four days. Your brother has not called since then. Apart from Suho's texts checking up on you, Minseok's timely calls at the end of your day to tell you to leave the office, your brother was the only one who called your personal phone.

"What are you up to now, hyung? What is happening Yunho? Have you chosen to ignore me once more, because I have been ignoring you?" A heavy sigh escapes your lips, just as Minseok appears infront of you, with mildly concealed glower, that you spot behind his calm exterior.

"Minseok, I..." you start but you're cut off, with a harsh grab under your arm, stumbling you to your feet.

"Get back to your building and Sehun can keep an eye, so I can clean up, after you." He bit out, close to your ear and shoves you to start moving.

Your confused look is dismissed with his growl, for you to comply without question. That tells you to shut your mouth and do as he says. Your own panic climbs, when you throw your eyes all around you, to spot the danger you know you're in.

You have only returned for a measly four weeks, but you're already in danger of losing your life.

Staggering and nearly stumbling, you throw your eyes ahead, to the building almost a hundred metres ahead of you. However that will be just too much smooth sailing, in your dangerous world. There are busy bodies, nudging and bumping shoulders as the rushing crowd in the complex moves from and to their desired destinations.

A memory flings itself into your consciousness, grinding you to breathless halt. Shock leaves you unseeing and winded in the moving crowd. Tears sting your eyes and your heart aches at the fear in the voices you remember.

"Hyung, why are they attacking? Why are they being killed?" Your horror grows the longer you stand by the window, knuckles turning white on the clutched curtains, while your frame shook and shivered as you watched your family's most valued, trusted and fond men and women drop like flies in the dark gardens. Those people have been in your life, since forever.

"Son, get your sister and do all you can to protect her!" Your father's voice wrenches your eyes from the outside massacre, to a glimpse of your parents rushing up and down the stairs with heaps of files in their arms.

"YN, get back!" It's your brother's commands that pull you back to your rooted spot.

You spot the armed figure standing outside your window, with a gun poised in his hands, directly aimed at you. The gun, uselessly, fitted with a suppressor, when the once quiet night was roaring with gunfire, barked orders and cries of dying men and women.

Who has your family wronged in recent months, for them to stage an attack of this nature?

"Keys... hyung, he betrayed the Kim cla-" your stunned murmurs are hung in the air when your brother's solid, towering frame barrels into you.

You were a road-crossing away from your building. Halted in your stumbling flee for safety, a car makes a dead stop in front of you. You are given no time to understand just what is happening.

A suppressor sticks out of the heavily dimmed out windows, rolled down just enough.

A glance down to your bodyguard's direction, he's too distracted by his own fight to notice where you stood and what exactly stood in front of you.

You feel by your body being, twice, jolted back a step and the immediate burn in your belly and the warm splatters on your chest and neck. You have been struck, as the tires screech away.

Blood... not so much blood, again.

Flung by impact, your body slides on the floor, to come to a halt with your head hitting the marble vase stand, the said vase shattering down on your brother's back. Your head and ears scream, when bullets shatter the glass you had stood in front of seconds ago.

"Not only Keys... He never works alone, sister." Your brother was covering your frame on the floor, his gun knocked out of his hand during the fall.

Next you remember is yourself kneeling on the floor, arms tightly bound to your back and a tickling trickle of blood down your neck.

Lee SooMan and Taemin stood there.

Again, here stands in frint of you, Lee Taemin. Nephew to the notorious Lee SooMan, and heir to the Lee mafia family's wealth and territories. One of your family's oldest clients and somewhat rival, in various aspects of business and shady dealings. The same man you refused to be promised to marry, and probably the reason why your own family was attacked and killed.

No. I fucked up. I was the one in the wrong. I have wronged the Lee family, and now my family was to pay the price. Your whole body trembled, too stunned into silence above your parents' pleas.

"YN... move it!" You hear from the distance.

Your blouse that once caught the gentlest of breeze that day, now clung for dear life over the growing wet spot around your abdomen.

"Ah, there you are... alive... Or barely so, and kicking?" You can't help the frozen stupor, when you look up to the slim frame of the man in front of you.

"Uhm... T- Tae?..."

"Ah..." The man nods with a lazy drawl, completely impervious to the tension and your growing urgency for help, "back to your stutters, little one. With an interesting choice in your new bodyguard... or is it that much of a surprise?" He shrugs.

"He- help... need help..." You try to hunch over into yourself to catch your breaths but the man's hand on your shoulder makes sure that does not happen.

"Uncle had asked politely that you take the family's accounts..." He moves closer, with his mouth close to your ear, his other hand on your wound. A thumb digs in, eliciting a shout of pain and beads of sweat racing down your face. On instinct, your hands clung to the man's arms to keep yourself upright, "but now that I have had to come, personally to make sure that I convince you otherwise... again. You better think wisely this time around YN, about your choice because your Yunho may not be as lucky this time around."

The thumb, digs further into the wound and your shaking hand makes a weak attempt to push the hand away. Biting your trembling lip, you also make a shaky effort to push away to see where Minseok was?

Taemin encircled his arm around your waist and the public are none the wiser of your interaction.

"Look... look over my shoulder, little one." You're shorter than the man holding you captive on the spot. But you try to look nonetheless around his shoulder. You spot Taemin's childhood best friend and now right-hand man you see. A distant cousin of the Kim hyungs and traitor to the entire Kim clan. "I would hate to send Keys, who only this time, hopes not to make the same mistake to miss his shot again."

"Yu-Yunho..." you stutter.

"No, little one. Right now it about our small walk down memory lane. And I remind you to make the best choice for the sake of your sole remaining family, YN."

Like that, you're pushed away and nearly lose your feet from under you. Right now you're not sure whether your bodyguard knows of your injury, or the other men will know about this already.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" A passing body, nearly collides with you and you murmur your apologies, pulling your blazer tighter around you, your fingers staining the delicate pastel colour.

Your shaking hand pulls out your keycard, entering your building. Security too distracted with the visiting individuals than to look up at the executive personnel entrance you always use to enter the building.

The lifts are too far, when you look down to the dripping blood on the highly polished marble floors.

"Sehun..." You mumble, looking up to try and locate the closest surveillance camera, then turn left in the direction of the door leading to the fire escape staircase.

"Please see me..." again, your card let's you through without raising the alarm, "F-Find me... Min."

The stairs to the underground parking lot, where your bodyguard always parks, is too far.

Your knees wobble and finally give way to your subconscious swallowing you back into the nothingness, you were familiar companions with.

Your breaths were not only shallow, but they stuttered with lathergy unlike that linked you to your nightmares. This tiredness was directly linked to the one of that night, tinged with a sense of giving into the pain to fully consume you.

"Sehun, where the fuck is she?" You hear your bodyguard's frantic shouts from the other side of the door. Your head screams that he's close, don't close your eyes just yet. Keep fighting, a defiant voice at war with your subconscious, bellows at you.

"So tired..." you mumble stealing a look at the dark blood seeping through your trembling fingers, hearing the door finally click.

It bursts open, with it bringing a small gush of wind, and the hurried footsteps. You hang your head back, and see the gruesome smear of your blood against the wall that you had slid down from. Your eyes droop, near to a shut.

"No! Keep your eyes open! I'm here, stay with me." For the very first time, you hear your bodyguard's composure obliterate in your presence.

You listen to the raw emotions you have come to associate with your own grief and pain.

From the depths of your inner chaos and turmoil, and the pain ringing loud and obnoxious through your body, you hear your bodyguard.

Perhaps the slaps, and harsh shove of your hand to be replaced by a heavy press over you wound, were imagined.

Blinking once.

You hear the engine roaring, and frantic shouts and arguing, for the car to be driven faster, or the traffic is in the way. Was that Chen sounding concerned? Oh gods, not Kai hyung. He is the last person you would want to see you like this. He's too precious to see you like that.

Gods, not Kyungsoo hyung too.

There is a heaviness on your belly along with a burning sensation that leaves you gasping in pain.

There is a familiar person straddling your prone position. You're lying on what looks to be the backseat. The jostling car movements, force out moans and shudders of anguish from your barely conscious state.

Blinking twice.

A very tall frame is cradling you, and running up the stairs.

Is it Chanyeol or Sehun?

Gods, I still hope it's not Kai.

The glare irritates your eyes, so you can't see the owner of the voices barking orders to the side of your head.

'I smell too much blood...' this time you're too tired to make a sound of protest at the pain of being moved around.

Okay now I'm tired.

I can't stay.

I really, really can't stay, Minseok.

_____________________________________________

@suhappysuho

#exo #exo xiumin #exo xiumin x oc #exo-l #exo suho #mafia au #kim brothers #exo hyungs #exo kai #exo chen #doctor yixing #exo chanyeol #exo sehun #exo kyungsoo #exo baekhyun #kpop fan fic #kim minseok #exol

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sooghostwriter · 4 years ago

Text

Extra Shift

Member/Pairing: Do Kyung Soo x OC

Genre/Type: Mature, Romance, Angst, Doctor AU.

Warnings: OC is married.

Word count: 6,284

Summary: Kyung Soo fell in love with So Min at med school. But she wasn’t alone.

Some years later, he meets her again, but her life hasn’t changed since those days. Neither his feelings.

Chapter II

So Min got a call from her dad that morning inviting her to his office so they could have lunch together. He always did that, at least twice a month. It wasn’t just to spend time with her, they normally did that during her free weekends. Those lunch meetings were their spy meetings. Her dad enjoyed the gossip, the funny accidents around the hospitals. Things that he couldn’t experience anymore since he was the director.

“Tell me about Doctor Do, how is he?”

“You talked with him yesterday, I have nothing new to tell you” His dad huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, but that was Doctor Do speaking with his boss, I want his honest opinion and experience, and you two are close, so tell me, is he ok?”

“Yes dad, he is ok, everybody loves him, I heard that the PICU is working perfectly, he is full until next month…”

“I know that, but is he ok? Nurse Kim told me that you guys are close, so he must share a lot with you”

“We do, and he is doing great, he likes it here, if that’s what’s bothering you” His dad nodded with a smile on his face.

“I’m glad, that’s great, what about you? You like him?”

“He is great, he has assisted me a couple of times and we often have the same shifts and is a pleasure to work with him” He stared at her for a minute, making a bothered expression.

“I wished you guys had met at med school”

“We did, but we were never close”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about, I wished you guys were closer…maybe we would be family now” She dropped her fork in surprise, making a small mess on her table.

“Dad, what does that mean? It is incredibly rude” His dad raised his hands, bowing.

“I’m sorry, So Min, I’m sorry, but your mom and I…we are worried” She felt a tight grip on her neck, and completely exposed in front of her dad.

“We see the changes, before he left for Switzerland you stopped coming with him to our house, and your mom keeps saying that you look different”

“Dad…” He stopped her, grabbing her hand softly.

“Don’t explain yourself, you don’t have to, but just know that we are going to be with you always, no judgment, you are my daughter and I will protect you against anything, but always seek happiness, ok? That’s the most important thing” He caressed her hand, as the shock began to fade from her body. Her first instinct was to defend herself, defend him, and their relationship. Deny everything, because the more she denied the more she could ignore the situation. But her dad giving her his support, his understanding, gave her calm and some confidence to take care of her situation. Face it and try to fix it instead of fighting for it from different approaches, without her husband's help.

“I’m working on it dad”

“Good, do what makes you happy, whatever your decision is, we will support you ok?”

“Ok dad, thank you” They changed the subject for the rest of the meal, but she felt pressured for the rest of the day.

Pressured to take action, make a decision. Although she still entertained the hope that with Sung Wook’s return, in four more weeks, things would be back to normal. Back to their first year of marriage.

Kyung Soo was feeling the weight of the night, so he went to the vending machine for a coffee. He patted his pockets noticing that he wasn’t caring a single penny.

“Don’t worry, I got you” Junmyeon stopped him before he went back to his office for money. He thanked him as his favorite nurse put the coins in the machine.

“Little Mi So woke up asking for her mom and began crying, I picked her up and she went back to sleep”

“Poor baby, she is recovering very fast” Junmyeon smiled brightly passing him his coffee.

“They are very strong, and also we have a hell of a PICU” Kyung Soo made a toast with him, agreeing. Junmyeon’s phone rang in his pocket, announcing a new message. He unlocked it, breaking into a big smile, a soft blush on his cheeks.

“Jae Yi and Doctor Jung are at our house getting drunk, my wife keeps sending me pictures of her making sexy faces, she is a lost cause”

“They do that often?” Kyung Soo asked, not worrying about sounding too nosy. It was a normal thing to ask.

“Yeah, they get together a couple of times a month, a bit more often in the last month since Doctor Jung has been having some marriage issues” He ended his sentence with a low curse, apparently he had spoken too much.

“It’s safe with me…but, is she ok?” Kyung Soo assured him. Junmyeon took a long sip from his coke and stared at the ceiling pensively.

“She is not too bad, she looks better now, in the last month at least”

“The situation is too bad?”

“I don’t know, she is hopeful, and she thinks that his trip will help, but Jae Yi is a bit more pessimistic, I hope everything works out well” Kyung Soo didn’t ask more. He felt uncomfortable hearing more from someone who’s not So Min.

The rest of his shift he kept thinking about So Min and what Junmyeon told him about her marriage. He was slightly proud of him. He always thought that news like that would make him happy. But it was quite the opposite. He had underestimated his love for her. A love that didn’t want to see her suffer.

He didn’t wish bad for their marriage.

It wasn’t an opportunity, but he was now very worried about her.

“Are you having fun?”

“Yeah, a lot, I’m working a lot though, I feel like I’m back to my residency days, I assist to every surgery I can”

“That’s good that was the point” There was a short silence.

“Everything ok at the hospital?”

“Yeah, a lot of work too, but great, Kyung Soo, Junmyeon and Jae Yi are giving me company” He chuckled, and there was silence again. She didn’t want that, so she ran away.

“I’m going to leave you so you can rest, take care Sung Wook”

“You too, goodbye” After ending the call, she checked their last calls. One every two days. Every call was shorter than the previous one. And every message was shorter than the previous one.

Also, he stopped saying I miss you.

And she did too. Not as a response to his action, or lack of it. She just didn’t say it.

When she commented on this to Jae Yi, she didn’t seem alarmed.

“You never say things that you don’t feel or mean, that’s one of the reasons you are a good doctor”

“That’s not the point here, How can I not miss him?”

“You do?”

“He is my husband” Jae Yi shrugged, finishing her iced coffee, making a loud noise.

“So Min, this trip and what is going on now is not necessarily going to fix your marriage, it’s going to face the both of you with what you two want, and it’s mandatory that once he is back, you two sit down and talk about the future, maybe sick for help, try to communicate”

“I just want it to be as it used to”

“It can’t be as it used to be, there needs to be an improvement and I say this as your friend because I love you and I just want the best for you, but you need to stop idolizing the idea of marriage, but mostly, the idea of being married to Sung Wook”

“What the hell do you mean by that”

“Just because you have been with him for so long, and you thought he was the one, doesn’t mean things can’t change, Fight for it if this is what you want, but always hear how you feel” She didn’t ask her for more explanations. She was scared of her answer, she could only take a little bit of honesty in one day.

“Do you miss him?” Her friend was clearly not done yet. And she had to ask the most painful question. She couldn't answer.

So she drank two cans of beer and a bottle of soju instead, until she was wasted.

+++

It was a calm night at the ER, and the interns were already advised to not make any comments about it. To not unleash hell.

The worst case that came in was an allergic reaction to fish. Although the night was still young.

Every dead moment was occupied by Kyung Soo. During those nights, he would come to chat with her, or she would go to his office to study. His office was bigger and tidier. Also, he had the best snacks and kept quiet when she needed to focus.

“I’m going to go and check on my patients” He whispered to her, as he stood up.

“But they must be sleeping”

“I know, they are so cute when they sleep”

“Can I go with you?” Kyung Soo nodded at her smiling.

“Sometimes I go to maternity to be a Kangaroo for the babies whose moms can’t be with them, so I have experience with kids” He laughed softly, and she stared at him with wonder.

“You work in ER and you are a doctor, I bet you have your fair experience with kids”

“I do, but in the OR I always get so nervous, they are so tiny” He laughed again and pulled her outside his office grabbing her sleeve.

It was 1 AM, and as Kyung Soo predicted, there was one girl up, playing with one of her dolls. She stayed outside chatting with the nurse but through the door’s window she could see him speaking with the girl, getting some smiles from her, playing with her and her doll, and then talking her into lying down and going to sleep. She could see how he moved his mouth sort of rhythmically as if he was singing to her, caressing her head until she was asleep. He gave her a last smile, checked her IV, and then went out of the room to the main desk.

“She is asleep now, try to give her food tomorrow morning, some porridge and tea, slowly, and check her during the morning, if she can go to the bathroom and eat with no problem, she will be ready to leave the next morning” He informed the nurse and she diligently wrote everything down.

“What happened to her?”

“Food poisoning, She had a terrible first night here, but she is fine now” She waited for him to fill her record to ask something that was bothering her.

“Kyung Soo, Did you sang to her?”

“OH! Doctor Jung! You haven’t heard him sing? Since he arrived here all the kids in the Pediatric Unit go to sleep peacefully” Kyung Soo turned his face away in embarrassment as the nurse giggled at his reaction. She had no idea he could sing, and so well.

“It’s just an old hobby” He mumbled, still embarrassed.

“Kyung Soo, that’s…” She was interrupted by her phone. A middle-aged woman had just arrived with intense stomach pain. She excused herself and dashed downstairs, it was a three-minute run to the ER. She spent one hour in the operating room removing her appendix and then decided that it was the right time to take a 30-minute nap.

She went to the night duty room and laid down in the bunk bed for a couple of minutes resting her body and mind before focusing on sleeping. Her mind went back to Kyung Soo singing to the girl. She closed her eyes thinking about how peaceful she must have felt. Having someone singing for you and caressing your head with affection.

She went back to her med school days, wondering why Kyung Soo was just catching her attention now when apparently they shared quite a few years.

If Sung Wook knew about him, why she didn’t have any memory with him in it? Besides the up-skirt thing.

Back at home the next morning, after getting some sleep she searched for some pictures from those years. She didn’t have a lot of them, so she cherished them a lot. There were pictures of them at the anatomy lab dancing with the model of the skeleton. Her class posing with the first guy that faded during the dissection of a body. A lot of cute, and stressful memories. She found Kyung Soo in two pictures. In one picture with their histology teacher after he recovered from his heart attack and in another with the group that went volunteering that year at a rural hospital. In both pictures, he looked pretty much the same as now. Now his cheeks were a bit fuller. His smile was the same.

Overall, by only looking at him, he looked as trustful as he did now, and still, she never spoke to him. She dug hard in her memory, looking for one single exchange of words with him, but there was none.

She could only come to the conclusion that it was probably his nickname that made her avoid him. Maybe she found him once looking at her, gave her a bad feeling and just stayed away from him.

She regretted it. Maybe they could have met sooner.

++++

Kyung Soo wasn’t marking the days on a calendar, but in his head, he knew that this was So Min’s last month without her husband.

Not that he was planning on trying something this month. It wasn’t his last opportunity or anything like that. But he felt slightly less guilty when driving her to her house or going out for food with her. Junmyeon’s comment about her marriage only worried him. He couldn’t avoid looking at her sitting in front of him eating her lunch, and not thinking about which worries were hunting her mind and heart. She looked quite relaxed now, but that could be a mask. He didn’t know how to ask her how she was doing. To ask her how she was feeling, honestly.

“I was looking at some pictures the other day” She commented, interrupting his small crisis.

“And I found a picture of us in med school” Kyung Soo panicked, there was a picture of them and he wasn’t aware of them? He didn’t own it?

“One in the histology lab, you were the assistant! Right?!” She didn’t remember that? It stung his heart.

“I was, I can’t believe you don’t remember me, I remember you, you saved our teacher from dying”

“And he still reminds me that every time he comes to the hospital to evaluate students”

“We did some volunteering together too” She smiled at him warmly, patting his hand that was resting on top of the table.

“I know! I saw you in one of my pictures!”

“You don’t remember that we were together there, right?”

“Kyung Soo, I don’t remember a lot from med school, it’s the trauma, I’m blocking it, look it up, it’s a real thing” He giggled, feeling a little less hurt.

“By the way, there’s something I want to ask you regarding those years” He was expectant.

“Up Skirt Kyung Soo, Sung Wook told me it was a rumor that your ex started and you didn’t bother to deny” This was the first time he heard that name in years, it brought a smile to his face.

“I don’t know what to tell you, I didn’t care, I’m not surprised that she did that, that’s why I broke up with her…and also…ok, don’t laugh but…it kind of helped take a bit of attention away from me” It was so embarrassing to say that, but he was being honest, he knew he was slightly attractive, and during those years, he didn’t want the attention. So Min was laughing anyway.

“You are telling me that your nickname took away some popularity from you, so you didn’t have girls around you, bothering you?”

“Don’t say it like that!” She began laughing again, making him shyer, but still happy that he was making her laugh like that.

“Do Kyung Soo, I didn’t know this about you, I insist, pretty boy privilege, but good for you, I can’t relate though, Since I was a bit of an ugly duckling” He could have hit the table in outrage. How wrong she was.

“You think you were an ugly duckling?” She looked at him as if he was being stupid.

“Yeah” She shrugged, eating her last spoon of food.

“So Min, you weren’t, and you aren’t an ugly duckling, you are beautiful” If Kyung Soo could have predicted the dead silence that dropped at their table, he would have kept his damn mouth shut. He didn’t plan it. He was just stunned that So Min wasn’t aware of how beautiful she was. She held his stare for several seconds, a soft blush on her cheeks, eyes wide in embarrassment.

“I think…I think you are very pretty” He said, trying to ease some tension. She didn’t answer, only looked down at her empty plate, thanking him.

He didn’t want to be a bad person, but he was thankful for the 20-something man that arrived at the ER with a broken shoulder, that made So Min leave the table.

Kyung Soo took advantage of Junmyeon’s 10-minute break to ask him a very serious and urgent question.

“Do you tell your wife that she is pretty?” He was expecting a chuckle or maybe some jokes aimed at him, but Junmyeon never missed an opportunity to brag about his wife.

“Yeah, all the time, why?”

“You do right? Why?”

“Because she says that she is not or she doesn’t feel pretty at least three times a day, so I have to tell her how wrong she is”

“Right?! And she believes you?” Junmyeon sat back on his chair in deep thought and his head began nodding slowly.

“I think she does, I always get a smile from her whenever I tell her and sometimes she says that she feels pretty even before I say anything…so, yeah” After his honest incident with So Min, Kyung Soo kept going over what happened at lunch. Feeling mortified about his comments and battling between the feeling of regret and also relief that it gave him. As he walked back to the PICU for his second round of the day, something hit him. He was aware that the self-esteem of a woman shouldn’t be based on what a man or a partner thinks about them. That was the ideal.

But it was natural that if people tell you that you are pretty, you could end up finding yourself pretty. But So Min was in another spectrum. She didn’t see herself as ‘Not pretty’. She saw herself as an ‘Ugly Duckling’. Not only she thought that she wasn’t beautiful, she thought that she was ugly. And that was insane.

But to feel like that, at her age, with her experience, could only mean that not enough people told her that she was pretty. And who better to tell you that you are pretty than your husband, than the love of your life. From experience, Kyung Soo knew that if someone that you like a.k.a the love of your life tells you that you are a ‘Pretty Boy’ you will feel like one for the rest of the day.

Did her husband tell her three times a day that she was pretty? That was the question that haunted him. Did he tell her? Did he break into compliments every time he saw her?

He ended his internal questioning and ramble by noticing that maybe he was asking all these questions to the universe just so he could find something bad about her husband. Just so he could nurture some hope.

But his suspicions grew bigger as time passed. In his completely biased eyes and heart, Sung Wook sucked. He sucked like a husband and like a lover.

That morning he stopped at a cake shop on his way to work to buy a small cake so the four of them could share it at lunch, to celebrate Jae Yi’s birthday. He lent his office, and So Min brought the food. They met at the time they agreed on, but Junmyeon was running a couple of minutes late. He had finished serving the food when Jae Yi got a call from her husband.

“Where are you?....at the door?...get in then…ok, I’m going” She stood up and with quick steps approached the door. When she opened, she met a smiley Junmyeon carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers in different shades of pink. He wished her a happy birthday as she engulfed him in a hug, careful not to damage the flowers. It was a very lovely scene.

“That is so cute” So Min commented next to him, her hands on her chest, smiling brightly.

“It’s so romantic, I have never gotten flowers, I’m so jealous” That day he was sure that his theories were right.

That day he stopped feeling respect or consideration for her husband.

The guy sucked, and So Min was clearly too good for him.

What man, who's in love, doesn’t tell his wife that she is beautiful and gives her flowers?

He, who was not her husband, had already done one of those two things.

He wasn’t sure what this sudden anger towards her husband meant. But one thing he knew was that he didn’t feel guilty anymore. So Min deserved better and could do better, and one day she would realize that and he would be waiting, ready.

His resolve lasted almost nothing though.

He was being quite stupid to judge him by only those two things. So Min needed more from a partner than flowers and nice words. And he didn’t know if probably Sung Wook was a great partner, a constant support, or a great caretaker.

He was sure that he could give her all that, and more.

But he was sure that he could never take that stand and get in the middle.

+++++

Some of the things that saddened her the most were surgeries on patients that were injured in an accident. It felt like running from a wave with a heavy weight in your ankles. There was no time, sometimes there was little information about the patient, and most of the time they were alone. It was frustrating, to say the least.

And every week she got at least two emergency surgeries due to a car accident. And once in a while, one of those accidents was due to the driver falling asleep. That Monday afternoon, she had to operate a colleague.

A resident from the OB-GYN department. After working for 15 hours straight, she drove her car into a lamppost. She was able to save her. There was no trouble during the surgery. But it was still terrible. Putting your life at risk for a job was something that she would never accept.

So, following her own advice, after she was done, she went to her office to grab her things and leave. When she walked by Kyung Soo 's office she noticed that he was inside, so she went in to say goodbye and maybe chat with him a little bit. She loved talking to him. She knocked on the door but got no response, so she went inside anyway.

Kyung Soo was sleeping with his head on his desk, using a book as a pillow. She felt a tight rope curling around her chest, getting tighter as she walked to his side. He was sound asleep, his left hand covering his face like a cat, his soft breathing fogging his glasses. It felt like a crime to wake him up, but he needed a better place to sleep. He deserved a better sleep. What if he was there waiting for her?

She patted his shoulder softly, but Kyung Soo didn’t react.

“Kyung Soo” She whispered, rubbing his shoulder. She did the same for the second time and only then got a response. He moved his hand over his face and called her name softly.

“Yes it’s me Kyung Soo, wake up” He opened his eyes, almost, catching her stare for a split of a second. He closed them quickly and tightly, hiding his face in the book. She heard him sob against the pages, rubbing his nape roughly. She called her name again, this time with worry and he only waved his hand at her. He sobbed again, gave himself a couple of seconds and then sat up, avoiding her stare.

“Kyung Soo, go home and rest, I’m putting you in a taxi”

“No, I can drive” So Min patted his back, and squatted next to him.

“Kyung Soo, I just came out of a surgery, the patient fell asleep as she was driving, liver lacerations and kidney damage, so please don’t drive if you are this exhausted, go home and rest ok?” He rubbed his eyes and head, looking at his desk, but never her face.

“Ok, I’m taking a taxi”

“Let’s share it ok? And thank you” She said smiling, glad that he was safe, following her petition. Her hand kept rubbing his back and Kyung Soo finally looked at her with a stare so sad that made the rope around her chest suffocate her.

“Let’s go So Min” He said turning around on his chair, moving away from her hand. Her hand stayed there, touching the air, missing his warmth.

Notes: All the medical stuff is based on how it works in my country FYI.

Also, of course, our Kyung Soo is older here than in real life.

#exowritersnet #exosnet #Kyungsoo #do kyungsoo #kyung soo #kyungsoo fan #exo fanfiction #exo fic #d.o fanfic

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soocouldbemyonlystar · 5 years ago

Text

Chaebols: The Arrangement Pt 9

Genre: Chaebols AU/ angst/ romance

Pairing: Kyungsoo x OC

Length:6.1k

Rated: M

Hate You, Love You by Olivia O’Brien There You Are by Zayn At My Weakest by James Arthur

First Previous Pt9 Next

edit by @soocouldbemyonlystar

This time, Jae-Eun woke out of the nightmare into the bright lights of her own room. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t panic when she woke. Maybe because she hadn’t been deep enough in her sleep for it to become hyper-realistic. Maybe the reality she woke into was worse than the dream. The reality where she had made the decision to return to the way things had been before her somewhat successful excursion into superhero work.

She had tossed and turned in that big empty bed for hours. It was cold, and somehow smelled foreign. Jae-Eun knew why. Kyungsoo wasn’t there with her. It was stupid, she had spent most of the year in that room, but one month in his had made it feel strange.

Truth was, she had gotten scared. Jae-Eun didn’t want things to change. She loved being with Kyungsoo, waking up in his arms every morning, sharing a closet, doing all the mundane things that typical married couples do. Only they were not a typical married couple, and Kyungsoo would soon realize that she was a replacement for the woman, the life, he really wanted. He would send her away eventually. She just saved him the trouble.

That was a lie, she was trying to save herself the heartbreak.

She flung the covers off, refusing to dwell on the situation. With slippers on, she dragged her feet into the bathroom to start her morning routine. But no matter how hard she tried, it kept flooding back. As she wet her toothbrush, she remembered the morning before, jokingly getting in Kyungsoo’s way, taking his water to rinse, him bumping his hip into hers as he left the bathroom.

Jae-Eun forced her toothbrush around her teeth as the memories flashed in her head, the fact that they had been lovers for just a moment. It was all too confusing, the desperate kisses, the need to have his hands on her skin, his willingness to oblige. He was skilled and generous. Somehow she knew he would be.

Why had she been so stupid, forgetting the reality of their situation in exchange for a moment of selfishness. He had given her a choice and she chose to act with her heart and not with her head. Jae-Eun had told him that she wanted to go back to her room because of the complications, but it had really been about her inability to separate what was real and what was fiction.

She thought she could, but after the stolen glances, the knowing smiles, it felt like Kyungsoo had really wanted her. That she wasn’t just a substitute for Mi-Sun. Jae-Eun was convincing herself of that until Alana reminded her about how complicated things were.

Her chest ached. She couldn’t breathe. The toothbrush fell from her hand as she attempted to focused on herself in the mirror. Rivers of moisture streamed down her face. Jae-Eun banged her fist against her chest to stop the hollow feeling from spreading. But nothing worked and she eventually gave in, backing against the wall, sliding down to the floor, and letting the tears flow.

It wasn’t like the other times she had cried during this marriage, quietly and controlled. She had cut herself open and all her pain poured out. Sobs racked her body with a force that shook her. Moans emanating from her throat was guttural and hoarse. Muscles in her face and neck ached from the strain. The walls that Jae-Eun had built up to protect her from this very moment had been useless, crumbling to dust under the weight of her agony.

Jae-Eun had convinced herself that she had been strong enough for this. For her marriage, for Kyungsoo’s indifference, for the fact that this arrangement was the pinnacle of everything she had been raised to accomplish. But she had failed from the very beginning.

Now she was being crushed by her love for this man. It went against everything she had worked so hard to be.

What was worse, she couldn’t even be mad at Kyungsoo for it. No, this was all on Jae-Eun. Kyungsoo was an unknowing participant. He hadn’t lied or tried to seduce her.

After some time, Jae-Eun’s tears subsided and she was left bared on the floor of her bathroom. She felt empty. Like her insides had been scrapped out, making her hollow. When she finally pushed herself off the floor, Jae-Eun showered without an ounce of hot water on. She prayed the cold would take care of the swelling under her eyes, that puffiness that comes with a hard cry.

It was a Sunday, and she had no plans for the day, so she dressed in a pair of old shorts and the shirt she used when she painted. If necessary, she would bring the easel and paints to her room, that was, if Kyungsoo would be working in his office. She just wouldn't be able to be there with him and not fall apart. After some preparation, Jae-Eun left her room for the kitchen.

Nari had her usual breakfast, two eggs, a slice of toast, and some fruit, ready to prepare when she arrived. As a habit, Jae-Eun grabbed Kyungsoo's coffee cup from the cabinet and constructed his coffee the way he liked, then placed it at his spot on the table beside her. It was her usual routine, Jae-Eun didn't really see a reason to change it. Nari sat her plate down, and Jae-Eun though she may get through breakfast without seeing him. But as soon as that thought popped up, Kyungsoo shuffled into the kitchen.

The knot in her throat tightened again. He was so handsome in the white-tee, blue jeans and mussed hair. But he looked just as tired as she felt. He riffled through the cabinet.

"It's on the table." Jae spoke up.

He froze, just long enough for her to notice, before he closed the cabinet door and turned to her. Kyungsoo rubbed the heel of his hand into an eye as he stepped over to get his coffee. He brought it to his lips to sip, before he thought better of it and walked it back to the sink, pouring it out and setting it down inside.

"Don’t feel like coffee this morning." He said pouring a glass of juice for himself. “No breakfast for me Nari.”

She nodded, but she didn’t bother to look up from her task. Nari was upset, the only time she focused on her duties solely and didn’t chat with them was when she was upset.

“Did you sleep well?” Jae-Eun asked. “You seem a little off.”

Kyungsoo took a long swig of his juice, his eyes glaring over the top of his glass at her. He grunted.

“Yeah, it was great… good, good sleep.” He didn’t really sound convincing.

Jae could have sworn she saw Nari scoff.

“How about you?”

“It was fine, thank you.” Jae-Eun took a bite of her fruit, wishing the awkwardness away. She knew she would have to endure her punishment.

Kyungsoo rinsed out the glass and turned back to Jae-Eun.

“I’m going out with Chanyeol and some of the guys today. We have some business to discuss. I won’t be back until late.”

Jae-Eun took a sip of her coffee and shook her head. “Of course. Please give them my love.”

She could feel Kyungsoo watching her as she picked at her food. Her stomach turned, eating breakfast didn’t seem that appealing for her either.

Jae-Eun met his stare and Kyungsoo’s eyes instantly softened. He sighed, closing the distance between them. Jae-Eun eyed him as he leaned forward, pressing his lips against her forehead.

She inhaled quietly, taking in his scent, willing the tears at bay. She had the brief thought that she should not have left her room this morning. She wasn’t strong enough yet. Maybe she would never be.

No, that was wrong. Eventually this wouldn’t hurt anymore. After some time, her heart would harden and the pain she felt now would no longer torment her. She had convinced herself she could do this before, Jae-Eun could convince herself again. Time would change her feelings, and she would be the wife Kyungsoo needed.

Just not the one he wanted.

He looked over her face, brushing back a strand of her hair that had fallen out of her messy bun.

“Get some more rest. Your eyes are puffy.” He murmured before turning and leaving the kitchen.

But it wasn’t until she heard the front door close before she released her breath. Her fork clanked against the plate as she dropped her hand to the table and dragged in a deep breath. Kyungsoo’s voice in her head counted out the seconds of her breathing routine as she attempted to control another panic attack.

Those things were starting to get annoying.

Nari sped to her side. “Are you okay, Madam?”

Jae-Eun shook her head, “I’m fine, Nari, thank you.”

Nari gave her a sideways look and pursed lips before she stood and made her way back to the dishes.

Jae-Eun watched as the older woman commenced her clean up, mumbling to herself ferociously.

Wanting to take her mind off her problems, Jae stood, pulling a dish rag out of the drawer and standing beside Nari, she began drying the dishes.

“Nari,” She said as she worked, “I don’t think I’ve ever given you the impression that you couldn’t talk to me if you had a problem.”

The older women dropped the dish she was working on back in the sink. “The two of you just make me so angry. But, no, it’s not my place to say anything. I’m not getting involved.”

Jae-Eun smiled, “Nari.” She urged.

"I have known that boy since he was a baby. I helped raise him, I love him like my own child. And you," tears welled in her eyes, "you are the sweetest girl I've ever laid eyes on next to his mama. But sometimes I think you two just love to make each other miserable."

Jae-Eun felt the tears rise again. "I don't want him to be miserable. I want him to be happy. I'm just not sure I'm the person who can do that."

Nari shook her head, " you are just as stubborn as he is, you know. He didn’t sleep well, the CEO didn't sleep in his room last night."

Her heart sank. Where was he then? Was he in his office? Did he go work for something? He could have left to meet someone…her…

"Well he is a very busy man. He could have been working, there are many reasons why he may not have slept in his room."

Nari shook her head again, " l found him early this morning asleep against the wall outside of your bedroom."

"My bedroom?"

"Yes, said just in case you had another nightmare. I don't understand why he would tell you he slept well when he couldn’t have."

She knew he still felt guilty about the nightmares, but she could talk herself through the ensuing panic attack. Why did he feel the need to stay by her door? How would she ever get over him when he did things like that? This was the kind of thing that got her in trouble in the first place.

Jae-Eun felt herself crumble all over again, but she kept a straight face. She wouldn't break, like she did in her bathroom, in front of another person.

"Well there really isn't a need for that. I'm doing much better. He doesn't need to feel guilty or responsible."

"I don’t think it's guilt that he's feeling, Madam."

"Enough talk about this," she smiled, "why don't you take the day off, go see your grandchildren?"

Nari pressed her hand against Jae-Eun's, "I don't want to leave you alone here. You haven't been alone in a while."

"Exactly," Jae took her hand. "I need some time to myself, and I could definitely do with an empty house. Please, go be with your family today."

It took some convincing, but Nari took the remainder of the day off and Jae-Eun was left to mope on her own.

She tried to paint, in the studio, that was Kyungsoo's office, next to the bedroom she had shared with him. Eventually, she gave up painting and took her sketch pad and charcoal pencils out to the garden.

Only that reminded her of how he liked to work there on his time off. Most of it was done by the gardener, but Kyungsoo worked closely with him to make it as pretty as it was.

She thought about going to see Alana, but she had only just moved out and didn't need Jae's problems. She texted Yan. Just to check up. That conversation didn't last as long as she had hoped. There was a quick call to Yeri. A book allowed her mind to drift to places she didn't want to go.

So, Jae-Eun set to rearranging.

It was the only thing that would keep her mind off everything. She moved pictures, changed the accent pieces out, switched the colors to match the new season. Then she logged into her work email around seven p.m. to see if there had been any problems or things that needed to be brought to her attention.

There was little of interest, but as she read through some company emails, there was a crash in the foyer. Jae-Eun jumped from her chair and threw her back against the wall. Had Seth found her? Was Alana okay? Her eyes scoured the room looking for any kind of a weapon. She would not fight empty handed this time.

"Jae-Eun-ah!!!" Chanyeol's voice echoed down the hall.

Jae-Eun let out a long, relieved breath. She headed to the foyer where she found Chanyeol and Baekhyun holding Kyungsoo by his arms. He was hunched over, his head rolling around aimlessly. His feet drug behind him, leaving all his weight on his two friends.

Panic set in again. She rushed to him taking his head in her hands bringing his face up to examine.

"What's wrong, Chanyeol? What happened?"

"He's drunk off his ass, Jae. I swear we only started drinking like thirty minutes ago."

Baek chimed it, " He usually has a high tolerance, but he bottomed out quick. Damn inconvenient. I haven't been out in months. I needed that drink."

Jae-Eun remembered he refused breakfast. "Has he eaten since he's been with you."

Chanyeol shook his head. "No, we've been discussing business all day. We just went to eat. He was drunk before the food was cooked."

"He didn't have breakfast he was drinking on an empty stomach. Help me get him to the kitchen, he should be good with some food in him. If he can hold it down."

They started forward, but Kyungsoo groaned, tossing his head back, leveling glassy eyes on her.

He smiled.

"There she is." He heaved himself back onto his feet, clumsily slipping away from Chanyeol and Baek. "My beautiful wife."

He pitched himself forward arms wrapping around her, almost pulling her down. She held him up as he swayed.

He turned back to Chanyeol, with a finger pointed just to the side of his face.

"You thought it was me," then he shouted, "she doesn't want to sleep in my room."

Jae moved, "Come on, you idiot."

She led him to the kitchen with Chanyeol just behind, in case they both tumbled.

"I tried, Chanyeol-ah!! I tried to be better. But my Jae is smart. She can see right through me." He mumbled as she set him at the table.

Kyungsoo grabbed Chanyeol by the shirt, pulled him down and loudly whispered, "She knows I'm not worth it."

Chanyeol smacked his hand away. "Stop talking. You look like a fool."

He laughed, "Yes, fool… I'm a fool."

Kyungsoo's voice wavered and he couldn't control his volume, yelling a few words the almost mouthing the next.

Jae ignored his drunken ranting, as she made him a sandwich. Food always helped when she drank on an empty stomach. It sobered her up quickly as well. Maybe he wouldn't get sick afterwards.

"Eat." She sat the sandwich in front of him.

Kyungsoo glared at her through narrowed eyes, picking up the sandwich slowly, shoving it through pouting lips.

"I have it from here guys, thank you for bringing him home safely."

Baek wrapped her in a tight hug, "You should come by soon. The kids miss you."

"I promise." She smiled.

Chanyeol's hug came as a surprise. He hasn't talked to her since she came home from L.A. and he knew she was alright. She had been convinced he was angry with her because he had to give in to his dad in exchange for PCY Entertainment employees finding Seth and retrieving her things. It caused some problems for him.

"I've missed you." She said.

"I missed you too."

"She always liked you better than she liked me." Kyungsoo muttered.

Chanyeol yelled over her shoulder. "Cause, I'm not drunk as shit, spouting nonsense."

Jae-Eun laughed for the first time that day.

He dropped his large hand on top of her head. "Love is good, Jae. You both deserve it. It’s not a bad thing."

Then again over her shoulder, "You're both worth it."

She walked them to the door, promising to update them in the morning.

"He's got work tomorrow. He's gonna hate himself." Baek laughed.

By the time she made it back to the kitchen Kyungsoo had finished the sandwich and fell asleep.

Jae nudged him awake, "Come on you big stupid, let's get you to bed."

He huffed but let her drape his arm around her shoulders and pull him to his feet. The walk to his room was shaky, almost falling into the wall a couple of times, but she eventually managed to drop him in his bed. Kyungsoo groaned as she maneuvered his legs up and around.

Jae-Eun considered just leaving him there, since his dumb-ass decided to drink on an empty stomach. But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

As she pulled off his shoes and socks, he jolted up right, grabbing Jae by the arm. She met his eyes, barely opened and still glazed over.

"I want to love her," he mumbled, "but she's not you."

Jae pried his fingers away from her skin, a ball of anger clogged her throat. He fell back, rolling over on his side and dragging the extra pillow into his arms, wrapping it up tightly. She ripped of his last sock and threw it on the ground. He'd be angry that his things were not put away properly, but she didn't care.

Man, she was stupid, thinking for even a minute something may have been between them.

He wanted to love her, but like he told her before so many times, it always came back around to Yoo Mi-Sun. She had to set herself straight. It was time to stop pretending they could ever be more than just an arranged marriage.

Jae-Eun wouldn't cry again. She had needed to hear him say it, what she had known from the start, what she had allowed herself to ignore and dismiss. It would always be Mi-Sun.

In trying to make it work Jae-Eun had become someone she didn’t recognize. She had been strong, reduced to ashes. She wasn’t someone who wallowed in her feeling, she didn’t pity herself. Jae-Eun made plans, solved problems. She was getting on her own nerves, because it was sometimes difficult for her to remember even the strong had moments of weakness.

Losing herself in this marriage was not an option. She would not have agreed to this had she not intended to see it through, Jae-Eun would deal with whatever came her way. But she absolutely would not let it change her fundamental being, because she would only end up the vindictive, manipulative woman he first thought she would be.

She couldn't allow that to happen. He had told her in the very beginning, warned her multiple times, she couldn’t fail because of her own heart.

Jae-Eun watched him for a moment. Kyungsoo looked so small curled up with his pillow. It was difficult to stay angry at him when he looked like that. But then, it wasn’t his fault. Not really.

Throwing a blanket over the sleeping man, Jae-Eun retired to her own room. It was still early but the weight of the day was heavy on the shoulders, and she couldn’t seem to relax. She checked on Kyungsoo one more time since. Then she climbed in her bed, fully expecting to fall right to sleep. But just like the night before, the room and bed felt foreign. She would be just a miserable as Kyungsoo in the morning if she couldn’t get herself to sleep.

Well not quite as miserable.

After a few hours, she gave up trying. There was just too much on her mind to shut down. Jae-Eun just peeled her blankets away when she heard shuffling in the hallway.

Two shadows froze, casting dark lines across her floor from the slit below the door. Then they glided away, but Jae had a feeling they didn't go very far. She had to end this. He couldn't keep sleeping outside her door. It wasn't good for either of them.

Jae-Eun slipped out of bed, tip-toeing across the room and pulling open the door. As she guessed, Kyungsoo sat on the floor against the wall. He looked up at her with wide eyes.

"Kyungsoo…"

"I know. I'm sorry.” He said, sliding up the wall, “Just… your still having nightmares and your panic attacks are bad…"

"You can't do this." She hadn't planned on being confrontational, just sending him back to his room. But since he seemed to have sobered up a bit… "It’s not healthy for either of us. I'm okay, really. You should get some sleep. I’m fine.”

Jae retreated into her room, when Kyungsoo spoke.

“I’m not.”

She turned back to him.

“I’m done, Jae. I don’t want this anymore.”

There it was. The moment when he realized she could never take the place of his one true love. As much as she had liked to think she had prepared herself for it, the pain still rocketed through her chest. They didn’t even last a year. How could she have failed so miserably that he couldn’t even deal with her for an entire year. She bit back the tears that threatened to pool in her eyes.

Okay, he was done, and she was no longer willing to try if he wasn’t. With a shake of her head, she made her way to the closet to retrieve her luggage, then she began to fill it, taking armfuls of clothes out of her dresser and dumping it in the suitcase. Staying here now was out of the question. How could she when he had made it clear he was finished with her.

Kyungsoo crept up beside her as she stuffed her drawers into the large case.

“What are you doing?” His deep timber sounded dark and dangerous.

“You’re done, and I don’t have the energy to keep this together any more. You get what you’ve always wanted. I’ll be out by morning.”

Jae-Eun wouldn’t cower to him. She didn’t when they dated, when they married. or for the months he made the marriage feel like a prison. Jae-Eun faced him with her head held high knowing she tried everything she could.

Kyungsoo’s eyes glared at her, there was an anger in their depths that set Jae-Eun on edge, his jaw twitched. He moved unexpectedly, grabbing her suitcase and flipping it off the bed with enough force it sent her clothes flying across the room.

And for the first time, Jae-Eun was petrified.

“I said I was done with this,” he flung his arms around the room. “not us. You may be good at reading me, but you still don’t know what I want. How many times do I have to say it?”

“Fine, Kyungsoo, what is it you want? Tell me, please, cause I’m really tired of trying to figure you out.”

He huffed, walking away, then turning and stomping back, “Why don’t you tell me what you want. One minute I think you really want to be with me and make this work and the next you’re running back across the house.”

“You’re questioning if I want to be with you? I have put everything into this marriage. You are the one who keeps sabotaging it.”

“Damn it, I’m trying here. But ever since I said I would trust you, it feels like you have had one foot out the door. I never know from one day to the next if you’re going to disappear.”

They were yelling now, their voices echoing down the empty hall.

“Because at some point you are going to realize I’m never going to be her. You may be okay with this now, but what am I supposed to do when you remember I’m not who you want and send me away?” Her voice was ragged now, she struggled to keep it level and fought to keep the ball on tension in her throat.

“I don’t want her!!” Kyungsoo shouted. “I told you I was happy. That YOU make me happy. I want what we are building together.”

“And just a few hours ago you said…”

“I was drunk a few hours ago. I’m still not completely sober, but…”

“Yeah, drunk. What was the reason for that? You curled up with your damn pillow mumbling something about her.”

Kyungsoo muttered under his breath, but Jae-Eun wasn’t going to let him get away without telling her everything.

“What? Jae demanded.

“It’s your pillow.” He spouted, “It’s your goddamn pillow. I don’t remember what I said, but I know the pillow smells like you. That’s why I had it. I drank because I hate that you thought being back in this room was better than being with me. I don’t ever know how to tell you what I feel, but I hate this. I can’t sleep without you.”

That silenced her, for just a moment she was baffled. But, no, she was determined. The comment wouldn’t make a difference. It didn’t change anything.

“I can’t trust you.”

Kyungsoo ran his hands through his hair. “So, I tell you that you make me happy, that I want to be with you, and that means nothing to you. All this time I blamed myself, I tried to make up for how I acted, but you were never going to forgive me. What was yesterday then, if you don’t trust me? When I tried to do the right thing, but you asked me to stay. What did that mean to you?”

“It meant everything to me.” She wanted to cry.

“You said we didn’t have to pretend anymore. I didn’t realize we were. So, if you were just pretending, how can I trust YOU?”

“Because I love you.”

It came like rain after the final clap of thunder that released it. Jae couldn’t hold it any longer. She tried to do what was best, made sure she didn’t step on him while doing so. None of it had gotten her anywhere. Honesty was all she had left. There wasn’t any good reason to hide her feelings now. They were both going to be unhappy anyways.

Kyungsoo stepped back as if she had thrown a punch. He stared at her silently, his eyes drawn insanely large.

Jae-Eun let the tears come.

“Yeah, I’m the damned idiot that fell in-love with a man who told her he could never love her back. You were horrible to me in the beginning, but I couldn’t ignore who you really are. Being with you meant everything to me, but I have to protect myself because now you hold all the power.”

Her voice cracked and tears inched down her cheeks. Jae-Eun didn’t like to be vulnerable. People tended to take advantage of her, so she had learned to hide that part of herself. Letting, Kyungsoo in was a risk, but it was the only thing Jae had left to give.

Kyungsoo flew forward, wrapping her in his arms. Jae-Eun fell apart there, burying her face in his shirt. He held her tightly as she sobbed.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered into her hair, “please don’t cry. I can’t stand it when you cry.”

Control had always been a part of Jae-Eun’s personality, but she was lost here. She didn’t want to cling to Kyungsoo. How had she let him become such a rock for her? Even when he was the one to cause her pain, his touch, his words made her feel better.

She detested it.

He took her face in his hands, searching her eyes, “Look at me,” he demanded, “I don’t want her. Okay? I just want you…only you.”

Jae-Eun shook her head. She didn’t want to listen to this, didn’t want to hear those words come from his mouth, see the sincerity in his eyes. Falling was too easy and he had the ability to crush her.

“You’re still drunk.” She accused.

“You know I’m not.”

Kyungsoo thumbed away the tears from her face before his lips found hers. Tenderly at first, his kisses soothed her, driving home his point.

But just to be sure he whispered, “There’s only you.”

He kissed her again, his arms coming back around her. Like she knew she would, Jae-Eun sunk into him, intoxicated on his words, on the feel of his hands on her, his unique scent and the taste of mint. She should have known he would have brushed his teeth before coming to her door.

It was undeniable. She loved Kyungsoo so fully that she would lose herself in his pretty words. Even though she knew better, she would give him whatever he wanted. If he wanted her to stay, she would stay. Kyungsoo knew everything now, her fears, her love.

His mouth demanded more. In moments he had her breathless, taking everything she had to give.

Hands found the skin at her waist, and like the first time, she reveled in the feeling. There was and urgency that wasn’t there before. They both felt it. More than desire, it was the knowledge. Knowing that she loved him, and that he needed her.

It was like something snapped inside him. Kyungsoo lifted Jae-Eun off her feet, dropping her on the bed then pulled his shirt over his head. He abandoned it on the floor with the clothes from her suitcase. His jeans were discarded quickly and climbed in with her, lifting her shirt up, following each inch of exposed skin with his mouth. Jae-Eun sighed at the sensation. Her hands threaded into his hair. It didn’t take him long to have her stripped, fully naked underneath.

There was no slow exploration, no sweet touches, only raw need. Kyungsoo leaned back on his knees, fingers digging into her hips greedily as he positioned himself against her and thrust deep inside. She gasped and he moaned together. It was a merciless rhythm as he rocked into her, holding nothing back, making her whimper.

She moved her hips in her own tempo against him, that delicious frictions sending waves of pleasure through her body. His hand moved from her hip, pressing his thumb against her soft flesh, rubbing circles at the speed in which he drove into her. Jae-Eun felt the pressure begin to build. But it was his eyes that sent her over the edge. Kyungsoo watched her as she fell apart, unable to control the sounds escaping from her throat. She tightened around him, causing him to shiver as he followed her over the edge, emptying himself inside her.

He fell forward, his hands barely strong enough to hold himself up as he shook at his release. Then he sunk down against her, keeping his weight off, but wrapping himself around her, raining kisses over her face.

“You make me crazy.” He said between lazy kisses. “I can’t remember ever wanting anything in my life, as bad as I want you.”

Jae-Eun remained silent, being content with the attention that he was giving her. The implications of his declaration were too complicated for her to worry about now. He moved beside her, tucking her into his arm pulling the blanket over them.

As their breathing slowed, Jae-Eun could feel him tense, the way he did when he was holding something back. Though his fingers ran paths up and down her arms, his focus was elsewhere.

“Kyungsoo?”

“I know. You can always tell when I’m hiding something.”

He turned to her then, inching down to bring his eyes level with hers. His hand smoothed away the hair from her face and he placed another kiss against her tender lips.

“I didn’t lie. I want to be with you. But I can’t say what you want to hear.” He told her.

Jae-Eun held his eyes, searching for the truth in their depths.

“You want the truth, right? I’m trying to be honest.” He continued, “I’ve started to realize that things I’ve believed for a long time, were lies. I need some time to reconcile with that. Because, when I say those words to you, I don’t want them to be tangled in conflict and uncertainty. I don’t want you to question my feelings. Just give me some time.”

When not if? It was scary, putting her faith in this person that could so easily shatter her. But, with the way he was looking at her, she believed him.

“Okay.” She nodded. “But no more half way, it’s all or nothing, Soo. Are you sure you are all in this?”

“Yes,” there was no hesitation, “I’m all in with you.”

Jae-Eun brought her hand to his face. She traced the line of his jaw, the bridge of his nose, the thickness of his brow. His eyes closed at the touch, his lips pulled back into a satisfied smile.

“Say it again.”

His eyes opened to capture hers. For once, Jae knew exactly what he wanted.

“I love you.”

He took her hand from his face and pressed it to his chest, just above his heart. It pounded wildly against her palm. Jae-Eun’s stomach flipped. She snuggled closer, replacing her hand with her ear.

“We should get some sleep. I have to get up for work in a few hours.” His voice rumbled deep.

She nodded in agreement.

With her ear to his chest listening to the quick rhythm, allowing herself one last time to hope, Jae-Eun fell asleep.

It was a different rhythm that woke her, knocks on her door and the happy voice of Noh Nari.

“Time to get up, Madam. You were planning on going back to work this morning, weren’t you?” Nari chanted, looking around the room taking note of the mess Kyungsoo had made with Jae-Eun’s clothes

Jae-Eun sat up, pulling the sheet around her. The bed next to her was empty.

“The CEO has already left. He asked me to let you sleep in.” She pointed to Jae-Euns bedside table.

There propped up like a tent was a little note card. She flipped it open, a heart was drawn with a “- K” below it. Jae-Eun smiled, remembering her confession, his promises. She didn’t want to feel happy, but it fluttered in her chest.

“Unfortunately, that only gives you twenty minutes to get dressed before the staff arrives to pack your things.” Nari announced.

The flutters stopped. Terror replaced the happy.

“Pack my things?”

“Yes, the CEO requested your things be moved to the master bedroom permanently.” Nari explained, “I believe he plans on turning this into a playroom for the Byun children. I’ve arranged for a contractor to be here later in the day to start the preparations.”

Jae-Eun choked down a chuckle. Kyungsoo was making sure she couldn’t come back. She wasn’t planning on coming back anyway. Relief swept over her. He said he wanted to be with her, didn’t run away when she had told him she loved him, and now he was moving her things into his room. No… their room.

She didn’t realize she was smiling until Nari spoke.

“It’s about time,” she said over her shoulders before she stepped out and closed the door.

Jae-Eun threw herself back on her bed, holding the card to her chest like a high schooler who just received her first love letter.

She knew hope was a dangerous thing, but she couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment. Flinging the covers off, Jae-Eun darted to the bathroom snatching her clothes off the floor. It was time to go back to work.

And maybe see her husband while she was at it.

114 notes · View notes

suhoerections · 6 years ago

Text

Hurt

Pairing: Mafia!Kyungsoo x reader

Genre: Smut, angst, bit of fluff

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: mention of death || spanking || sir kink || sadistic/masochist behaviour || hair pulling || lots of degradation || mention of guns and blood

Not recommended for readers under 18

A/N: lol I’m actually posting now hehe

Tag list:

@strikingsilouettes @thesoondongiefiles @ninibears-erigom (this is cause i’m on yours so) @chanyeolol (uh i thought you’d like it you can ask to be removed if you want) (shoot me an ask or smthn if you wanna be on my tag list cause i’ll start one of those)

The limousine smelt like expensive leather and it hyped you up.

Tonight was your night.

The silk dress fell past your boobs, exposing your cleavage and the slit on the side of the exquisite fabric exposed your legs, the midnight blue silk complementing your body perfectly.

Jongdae grabbed your hand lightly in his, the calloused skin coming in contact with yours to guide you out of the car. If looks could kill, you and Jongdae would be assassins; the deep blue silk of his dress shirt absorbed the light bouncing around outside the mansion, he looked dashing and sexy, the color of his attire matching your dress.

“We’re here” He said casually, once again taking in your body with his hungry gaze.

A smirk fell across your features as you noticed more stares from men walking past in expensive suits.

“About time,” You teased, causing Jongdae to smile cutely.

His arm wrapped around your waist as he led you through the large entrance way of the mansion, into the party. An intricate glass chandelier hung between the deep red carpeted stairs, a large archway off to the side revealed the movement of jewel clad bodies, expensive champagne glasses catching the light, twinkling invitingly. Jongdae led you through the archway, a smug smile planted on his face as he walked in with you.

It was high class, A-list, and you could tell by the way women walked past with crystals adorning their neck that cost more than your apartment.

Some remote part of you grimaced at them, the way they let their money carry them, though you hid your disgust, you had learnt to mask it with a smile. Years of being part of the mafia does that, allowing you to mask yourself with a facade. Though that life was left behind you, the habits still clung, like dirt stains you couldn’t scrub away. It caused you to blend in well, with your fake smiles and small talk with other people.

There were times when your mask broke away. Only when you felt a gaze bore into you across the room, the stare causing a scowl to creep its way onto your painted lips.

It wasn’t hard to tell who it was, his looks causing a fire to light up on your skin, one that used to have you crumbling at his touch in nights filled with sweet exchanges and hot sex.

You knew having Jongdae’s arm casually wrapped around your waist wasn’t helping either.

But that was the plan, show him that you’d moved on from him, and his lying mouth.

Jongdae hummed, his lips grazing your ear gently, “I’m going to get a drink from the bar,” his breath tickled the sensitive skin of your neck as he whispered gently, “stay here sexy, I’ll be right back.” Jongdae breathed, his lips parting to nip your ear lobe discreetly, his hand squeezing your hip before sauntering off, grazing your ass as he pulls away.

“You’re an idiot,” his voice startled you, the deep sound causing an onslaught of chills to rush through your body, old memories resurfacing at the sound of his voice.

Your lips pursed in a tight line as you turned around to see Kyungsoo standing behind you, dark suit making him look handsome as ever, short, black hair styled back and his lips, you forgot how beautiful they were, how they felt.

“Why?” You asked curtly, not wanting to let him indulge in your lingering gazes.

Kyungsoo cocked a manicured eyebrow, his perfect lips parting to elicit a scoff. “Jongdae’s a honeytrap, you’re being baited.”

Your eyes rolled at his comment, annoyance running through your body. Of course Kyungsoo would pull some shit like this, he never did hesitate to lie to you, your past relationship with him proving that. So why the fuck would you believe him now? After all the shit he put you through. So you didn’t, your brain dismissing his accusation completely.

“Mr Do, I believe you shouldn’t be throwing out accusations like that,” Your eyes narrowed and a scowl resonated on your delicate lips, the glossed skin pulling back in disgust and annoyance, “you have no proof and why should I believe you.” You spat the last syllable with enough poison to make a regular person cringe, but not Kyungsoo, he stood stone faced and clearly pissed. You could tell he was angry by the way his lip twitched at the corner and his knuckles were white from how tight he clenched his fists.

“Everything alright, sweetheart?” Jongdae asked, arm snaking around your waist while his gaze evaluated a fuming Kyungsoo. A smug expression fell upon Jongdae’s face as he surveyed the displeased male in front of him, a cheeky hand reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

You smirked, reaching up to cup Jongdae’s cheek, the skin soft and tempting - your body leaning into his instinctively, moving to press up against him.

“It’s fine now that you’re here,” The words were like honey, slipping from your lips in a slow and seductive voice, a painted nail of yours raking gently down his cheek. Jongdae shivered at the touch, his own hand running down your waist to cup the curve of your ass gently.

Kyungsoo watched, his eyes dark with rage, looking toward Jongdae with a promise of death and you felt it. You felt the fury radiating off of him with murderous intent, one you knew he would carry out - especially with Jongdae touching his things.

“I’m glad I could be of service,” He growled lightly, eyes glancing to Kyungsoo, his own protective gaze challenging the male witness.

The tension was thick, and you felt it, the two men sizing each other up, yet you made no move to break it, only trailing a finger over Jongdae’s midnight blue top, tracing patterns into his silk shirt.

“I think you should leave,” Jongdae urged at Kyungsoo, who was still witnessing the scene.

The man was infuriated, his eyes glazing over, hand creeping into his jacket where you knew a gun was situated, ready to be pulled on anyone. “No, I think you should-”

“Kyungsoo. You heard him, we don’t need you lingering here,” Your tone was laced with a new found confidence, one you never threatened to use against the purely dominant male.

He scowled, his plump lips curling back in an expression only given to people he had intentions to kill. Though he had enough self control to walk away, his polished shoes retreating away from you and Jongdae.

“What an ass, wonder who lodged the stick up his ass?” He chuckled, his face not far from your own.

You huffed a smirk, leaning up slightly, eyes flicking to Jongdae’s tempting lips. “Not sure and I really don’t care,”

He smirked back, lips curving, inching toward your own in a slow descent. “Neither,” Jongdae breathed into the space between you before closing the gap and bringing his lips crashing into yours. The kiss was enjoyable to say the least, his own pressing against yours heatedly despite the publicity, but it didn’t spark anything in you, not like Kyungsoo's kisses which had electricity coursing through your veins, a feeling you craved.

It felt wrong, your body rearing away from his kiss that seemed to go south as soon as you remembered Kyungsoo, still staring at you from across the room. You pulled away, chewing your lip nervously, your teeth kneading the flesh in anxious motions.

“What’s the matter?” Jongdae whispered, his swollen lips slick with spit as he spoke.

“Nothing,” You lied, leaning up to kiss him again. “Maybe we should go to a more private area, though?” The question falling off your lips temptingly.

Jongdae smirked at your words, snaking you through the bustling bodies of the crowd, out the archway and down a secluded hallway, the only noise filling the tense air was the click of your heels on the marble floor and his hurried breathing.

It wasn’t long before his hands flattened on your hip, pushing you against the wall, lips crashing against yours. Jongdae’s actions reflected his desperation, from the way his mouth worked against yours hungrily, to his wandering hands, squeezing your boobs harshly, your own laced in his hair, opening your mouth and letting him in deeper with every desperate kiss.

Jongdae was forced off you suddenly, a tall, bulky frame replacing where he was.

“Got you, dirty bastard,” Chanyeol sneered. It was almost surreal seeing Kyungsoo’s right hand man after so long, his muscle filling out and he seemed almost impossibly bigger, or you just forgot how tall he actually was.

Jongdae yelped loudly as the barrel of a gun was pressed to his forehead, Chanyeol shoving a hand under his silk shirt to pull out a small, black mic.

“I told you,” Kyungsoo’s voice filled your ears as he rounded the corner, his presence overwhelming you as you took him in.

Chanyeol growled as he pushed Jongdae against the wall next to you, the hearty sound echoing around the hallway. “I’ll have fun watching what Sehun does with you,”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, unimpressed by Chanyeol’s brutality. “Yeol, take him to Sehun, but don’t do anything until I check up later. Understood, Park?”

Chanyeol shoved the barrel of the gun harder against Jongdae’s forehead, forcing his head back onto the wall. “Fine.” The syllable was barely understandable as he sneered, his mouth curved to expose his teeth in a predatory fierceness. A harsh tug on Chanyeol’s behalf almost had the honeytrap falling flat on his face as he was half dragged out of the halway.

“Now that that’s dealt with,” Kyungsoo purred, eyes boring into you with such an intensity it had your lungs contracting for air. He only laid a gaze on you yet you were bared for him, your body reacting and ready for anything. His hand reached out tentatively, cupping your face with such a contrast gentleness that his eyes contradicted.

“Soo,” It was a breathless nickname that fell off your lips but it was all he needed to urge him forward, Kyungsoo kissing you with such a stark softness. It made you melt, your body relaxing into his, leaning into him to deepen the kiss, yet still keep it sweet.

A small part of your brain writhed and hissed, like a cat backed into a corner, urging you to get away, to shove him off and scream abuses that he deserved. Yet you didn’t, the sheer bliss coursing through your body telling that rabid cat part of your brain otherwise, the fact that what was happening felt right.

Kyungsoo made no move to deepen the kiss, like it was his intentions to keep it sweet, just his lips pressing against yours with a firm reassurance, only pulling away to gain his breath.

“You still love me,” He whispered, the words shocking you like someone had dunked ice cold water over you.

“No, I-” You were flustered and quick to respond, yet silenced by another soft kiss.

Kyungsoo’s lips moulded your own perfectly, causing you to melt into him once again, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair to tug at the short locks.

“Don’t deny it, your body isn’t,” His eyes were trained on you intently, surveying your defeated expression.

“Kyungsoo-” You went to speak but he silenced you again, this time with his words.

“You didn’t even have a valid reason for breaking up with me, you just picked up your shit and left. Not a word, I was broken. I thought you loved me. And here you are, acting needy over some dick head to make me jealous?” Kyungsoo shook his head in disbelief, his words changing the mood between your exchange.

A fire blazed within you, how he could be so selfish as to say those things when he couldn’t comprehend what it was like for you.

“I loved you Kyungsoo, fuck I loved you so fucking much it hurt. But it was too much, your lifestyle was too much, and after Minseok…” It caused a strain in your heart to even finish the sentence, emotions flooding your senses as you recalled the event, his bloodied body prepped and primed as a display for everyone to see.

“Then why didn’t you come to me!? Talk to me!? I would have helped you. I would have supported you.” His voice was hurt, the noise filled with incomprehensible emotion that plagued the hallway with an unnamed sense that changed the mood dramatically.

You felt a pain in your chest, a gut wrenching fist to the stomach feeling that had your eyes prickling with tears as you witnessed Kyungsoo’s chest rising and falling with frustration, eyes dark and swirling with an unnamed intensity.

“I didn’t know how to react, I’d never lost someone like that before,” despite your passion for the subject matter you couldn’t help but keep your voice quiet against his fiery gaze.

A growl sounded from the base of his throat, a deep and hearty sound that shook you to the core, one that resonated in your own chest through the deep vibrations. “I thought our relationship was stronger than that, I thought you could at least talk to me, I thought we were working,” His plump lips pulled back in a sneer to expose his perfect white teeth. “Well, obviously we weren’t.” Kyungsoo spat the last sentence, his tone bitter, complimenting his resentful expression.

“Soo….” The cute nickname fell off your lips in a broken word, your voice cracking to mirror your cracking heart. It hurt to see him so hateful and angry, especially when it was directed at you. The once intense love you felt for him somehow resurfacing as you witnessed the broken man in front of you. It was stupid and erratic to feel like this about him, after all that he did to you, the lies he fed to you on a steaming platter of what he called ‘love’.

“I just didn’t want to come home one day and see you like,” you gulped midway through your sentence as you spoke, tears threatening to fall at the side of your eyes, “like I found Minseok.” The sentence finished with a pained sob that fell off your lips as a teardrop slipped down your cheek.

Kyungsoo’s eyes changed from intense and hateful to compassionate, his resentful persona dropping like a curtain. He leaned in slightly, hands moving to cup your cheeks lovingly as his lips pressed against the wet skin of your cheek, kissing away your tear gently.

You weren’t sure how long you both stood there, your sobs filling the stagnant air while Kyungsoo kissed away the tears that streaked down your cheeks, his thumb gently caressing the skin of your jaw. He waited for you to calm down, for your chest to rise and fall evenly, the sobs to stop coming out of your mouth in painful cries as your thoughts swirled with what ifs and the memory of Minseok.

“You broke up with me because you didn’t want to lose me?” Kyungsoo questioned, his forehead pressing against your own.

“And you lied a lot,” You countered a bit defensively, trying to justify yourself a bit.

“Sweetheart, I never lied to you about myself, only about mafia affairs, and if you knew that information you would have been put at risk, which is the last thing I want to do,” He said plainly, “you’re just telling yourself that because you didn’t want to admit that you were too scared to lose me.” “No, I-” “Prove me wrong then, give me at least one example of when I lied to you not surrounding my work or why I had been out late at night, and even then I would tell you it was work business that you shouldn’t worry about, so give me one. Tell me when I lied to you and made you untrusting of me.” Kyungsoo spoke calmly as he interrupted you.

You stood there, mind churning and looking for at least one time he did it, yet it turned up blank, your memories a steaming pile of bull shit as you realised the truth.

“I- I’m sorry,” You said realising your mistake. It was funny really, how your brain was so caught up on Kyungsoo being such a bad person it fabricated its own web of lies to justify your break up with him. Yet it was wrong, he treated you right in the relationship, he was a great boyfriend really, caring and loving. Kyungsoo was right he only ever did lie when it was work related, and his words changed your view point on him.

“That’s what I thought,” Kyungsoo spoke smugly, “You have to admit I’m right, that I treated you right.”

Your lips parted to elicit a sigh. “You’re right,” you said blatantly, letting him absorb in his self righteousness.

A smirk fell upon his features as he leaned in to kiss you gently on the lips, thumb finding the bottom of your chin to guide your mouth open weakly, letting his tongue slide in. It was a sweet exchange, your tongues clashing against each other in a slow dance, your lips acting as a guide.

The kiss soon escalated as you wound your fingers in Kyungsoo’s short hair, tugging on the black locks gently, your body pressing flat against his on instinct.

A throaty groan left his lips as he pulled away, slightly breathless. “Fuck sweetheart.” The juxtaposed statement fell off his lips as he ground his bulge into you, the hardened dick rubbing against your abdomen.

“You gonna fuck me against this wall, Soo?” You asked the question innocently, tugging on his hair a little bit harder, using your nails to scratch his scalp, making him let out a delicious moan of ecstasy. Kyungsoo tugged his swollen bottom lip into his mouth, his eyes looking to you with pure desire.

“I don’t want the first time we fuck again to be a against a wall,” And that was all he said before his hand gripped your wrist tightly, pulling you toward the main entrance and up the red velvet clad staircase.

The clicking of your heels was muffled by the blood colored carpet, absorbing the noise of you and Kyungsoo’s hurried footsteps. It wasn’t long before he turned sharply, tugging you into a room.

The room was luxurious, a deep black rug laid out upon the marble floor, accentuating the cold modern finishes around the room. The bed was high and plush, various pillows scattered amongst the top, making it seem like the perfect place to do more than sleep in.

Kyungsoo was quick to close the door behind you both, turning the lock ensuring no one would disturb you.

You were not in the mood to waste time, hands already wrapped around Kyungsoo’s neck. The passion you felt burnt through your actions, reflected in the desperate kisses you placed up his neck, the skin smelling all so familiar and it intoxicated you. Kyungsoo was intoxicating, his smell, his touch, his voice, his lips, his everything. And he knew it.

A shiver worked its way up your spine as he brought his hands up and down your sides, teasing you as he slowly traced circles into your skin, letting you work your lips against his neck.

Kyungsoo was quick to bring a harsh slap down on your clothed ass, a sadistic smile forming upon his lips as he heard the sound of the impact reverberate throughout the quiet room, widening when you released his neck to let out a low moan.

“Ass up sweetheart, come sit on sir’s lap,” He said the words teasingly, grabbing your hand and tugging you toward the bed where he situated himself, sitting on the edge to allow for you to lay across his knees, which you did.

Kyungsoo ran his hand teasingly over your ass before quickly pulling up your silk dress to reveal it bare, the only underwear you wore was a skimpy thong which gave him perfect access to you.

“Such a little slut, only wearing a thong to an event like this,” He was smiling wide, a glint in his eye that would have anyone else running off in the other direction. “I bet you wanted to be fucked, probably planned on it the way you’re dressed.” He was teasing you, and it was working, a wet patch forming on the thin fabric that covered your pussy.

Kyungsoo noticed, running a finger over the sopping material, causing him to tut, his tongue clicking in mock annoyance. “You’re wet from one slap,” his fake agitated expression slipping away into a sadistic smirk, “I wonder how you’ll be after 10 more.”

You tugged your lip between your teeth, too horny and bothered to answer, needing the pain to fulfill your needs, for him to call you a dirty whore one more time.

“P-please, sir.” your swollen lips parted to half moan the words, your tone dripping with desperation.

He tutted again tauntingly, “Such a needy little whore.” He said, his tone coated in pure dominance.

Kyungsoo’s hand was brought down harshly on your bare ass, the skin turning red in the shape of his fingers and palm. “Now count your punishment dear, this is just for teasing me.”

“O-one,” You choked out, a gasp falling off your lips as he delivered another hard whack to your ass. “Two!” It came out borderline a scream, he had only hit you twice yet you were already feeling yourself threaten to drip down your thigh.

“Good slut,” He spoke, lips curling into a smirk as he witnessed your state; breathing heavily over his knee as your hands curled in the black rug, trying to hold yourself up on shaking arms.

His hand came down again on your skin three times in a row, his arm rearing back and soaring down to deliver the slaps efficiently and harshly. The repetitive contact made you cry out, the shrill sound echoing around the quiet room.

“Three! Four! Five!” The syllables barely left your mouth, your body shaking under his touch, your arms barely stable enough to keep you up.

Kyungsoo got a glint in his eye, a sadistic one that would have made you shrink back if your own eyes weren’t screwed shut, trying to focus on stabilising your breathing and holding your ass up for him.

His hand soothed the red mark he left on your bare ass, his fingers and palm etched into the skin in a fiery mark that stung.

“You’re taking the punishment so well, I’m surprised,” He spoke, his voice laced with an undertone that implied he had something else in mind. “Maybe I’ll reward you later.” Kyungsoo was smirking, you didn’t need to open your eyes to know that, it was just how he spoke, but it entranced you, making you raise your abused ass higher in the air, a silent plead for more.

“Sir, k-keep going,” You stuttered out the phrase, voice weak and desperate as you felt a drop of arousal slide down your inner thigh.

Kyungsoo spotted it drip down your skin, his lips pulling back into a smile as he delivered five hard slaps to your ass, the harshness intensifying with each stinging contact.

The motion was unexpected causing a cry to escape your swollen and wet lips, your arms so close to giving out, the muscles shaking uncontrollably.

A growl emitted from his the base of his throat, the sound going straight to your dripping core. “You didn’t count,” Kyungsoo barked the words, his voice gravelly and pissed.

Your lips parted slowly, trying to form a sentence, though a gasp replaced the words that were about to tumble out as Kyungsoo gripped a fistful of your hair sternly, his arm rearing back quickly, snapping your head back.

“Say it slut, finish counting to ten for sir,” His tone reflected the dominance he showed, his hand tightening in your hair, your scalp screaming in a delicious pain that added to the pool already formed in your panties.

“S-six, seven, eight, nine, ten,” you tried to keep your voice calm, stumbling slightly but unintentionally undertoned with a sheer desperation that almost had you on your knees begging for Kyungsoo to fuck you, your pussy clenching around nothing but desperate for something.

His fingers slipped under the thin elastic of your thong, pulling down the offensive fabric as he revealed your soaked pussy.

“What a whore, you’re dripping from a simple spanking,” He drawled the words out, his lips curling into a smile as he pocketed the panties. “Now, bend over the bed for me little whore, I want to fuck that slutty pussy of yours.”

Kyungsoo watched you get off his lap, pulling the dress aside so he has perfect access while bending over the plush bed, bracing on your elbows as you watched him stand up and unzip his pants. He was quick to pull himself out, moving behind you, one hand on his cock, the other on your silk clad hip as teased your entrance with the tip of his dick.

A delicious moan elicited from his plump lips, the feeling of your wetness coating his tip sending shivers of pure pleasure to travel through his body.

It was teasing and mean of him to stand there, moaning loudly while running himself up and down your slit, the feeling wanting you to scream and swear, yell at him to slam into you - but the need was quickly fulfilled.

Kyungsoo thrusted into you quick and without warning, burying his hardened cock deep within you, his free hand going straight for your hair, pulling the strands back to arch you into him, his hips already setting a fast and hard pace.

“God I missed your slutty pussy, so needy and wet, clenching around sir’s cock,” he ended the sentence with a breathy moan that mixed with your own, your mouth parted to let out the pornographic noises.

The feeling was so good, Kyungsoo being the only one to ever satisfy you this much and it showed by the precise thrusts that hit your sweet spot almost every time. His own moans mixing with your own to create a symphony of pleasure that resonated in your ears, the noises making you even needier and desperate.

It wasn’t too long before you were already feeling a coil of intense pleasure form in your abdomen, Kyungsoo’s thrusts bringing you closer and closer to the edge of your release.

A cry fell from your lips as he released your hair to press a finger against your clit harshly, a shot of pleasure running down your spine and making your pussy clench involuntarily.

Kyungsoo moaned louder at your clenching, the noise sending another another tendril of ecstacy to swirl around your pussy, the feeling bringing you impossibly closer to your climax. He knew you were close, his finger rubbing your clit in precise circles, the sensation making you arch into him more, back curving to meet his hips in a thrust that brought you into the abyss of an orgasm.

The pleasure tore you into the bliss-filled void of a climax, a warm pleasure spreading throughout your body as your muscles convulsed, pussy clenching uncontrollably around him, making you elicit choked gasps with every tightening squeeze around his cock.

The reaction of your body to the orgasm had Kyungsoo tumbling over the edge, your clenching milking him of his cum as it spilled into you, the sticky substance filling you up as the intensity of a climax grasped your body.

A final moan fell off his lips as he pulled out, his softening dick exiting you as he finished up.

A shaky breath fell off your wet lips, your arms giving out, causing you to go fast first into the plush bed.

Kyungsoo chuckled at your state, the hearty noise filling the room before he tucked himself back in quickly, heading for the door. “I’m glad you seemed to miss me,” he said, a smirk falling upon his face as he witnessed you struggling to get up, walking out through the doorway, heading off back to the party, leaving you in the room alone.

You managed to get up on wobbly legs, pulling your dress back into position, expertly running your hands through your hair, trying to neaten it back to its original state.

Even though your cheeks were flushed with a post orgasm heat, your clothes a bit disheveled, you somehow looked presentable, even though your thoughts weren’t focused on your appearance.

Your lips parted to elicit a sigh of frustration at Kyungsoo’s disappearance, annoyance spreading through your body at his sudden intrusion, only to leave desperate and needy for more.

The door knob was cool in your hand as you turned it and tugged the door open to reveal a smug Kyungsoo in the hallway, patiently waiting for you to come back out.

Your lips curled back in a sneer at his smug expression.

“Thought I left you, dear?” He asked, a hint of amusement tugging at the corner of his lips at your annoyed state.

“You’re an asshole,” You replied, eliciting a scoff.

Kyungsoo smiled wider, holding out his hand for you to take, “Care to go back to the party, my love?”

A chuckle sounded throughout the empty hallway as you took his hand, your own smile mirroring his. “I can’t believe you.”

378 notes · View notes

soobadnoonecanstopher · 6 years ago

Text

Only the One you Love, Part 8 ( A Kyungsoo Series)

Genre: Angst / Romance / Fluff

Characters: You X Kyungsoo

Only the One you Love[M]: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

There was a comfort in his arms. It was thick and warm and it coated your skin with sticky honey that wouldn’t have been easy to shake off even if you tried -- which you didn’t. The weariness of the day must have worked against you; you gave in to that comfort so easily and your eyes were closed as you let it have its way. You let it have you, for just a moment. Just for the amount of time it took for the tears to stop falling and for the shaking inside of your chest to quiet down.

Kyungsoo held you securely within his arms and the steady stream of hopeful promises that flowed from his lips had hushed in time for your breathing to even out. Could he feel the erratic beating of your heart through his chest wall? Did he know about the longing? It was a powerful spell that took hold of you whenever you let your guard down. Your heart coveted him and it ached on each downbeat with the denial.

With your eyes closed, you could feel the exhaustion in your bones so much more. It was magnified and you let your balance shift just a little, just enough to borrow a little bit of his substantial strength, he had so much to spare and you were so very tired tonight.

You heard him whisper your name and it pulled at your sleepy mind enough for you to hum in response.

“You should sleep,” he said and you nodded your head. You would sleep. He would leave you for his own bed and you would settle for the warmth of your hotel blankets. They paled in comparison to his arms; they were so much less than him.

Nonetheless, they covered you as they were made to do and you were pulled under the surface.

And you heard his voice. It sounded crystal clear and he was singing a sweet song. One he sang for you countless times on the phone in the middle of the night, in the middle of your nighttime when he had the sun; keeping it safe for you, he said. He had learned the English version for you. You remembered the first time he sang it for you and it was as close to a promise of forever as you were ever going to get. Hell, it even said the word forever right there in the song. The lyrics were a vow and they were yours. He was never going to let you go for the rest of your life. It had been right there the entire time and you...you hadn’t realized how significant those words were at the time as he sang them to your sleepy mind and you drifted off.

That song...that sweet and soft love song he once sang only for you was now amplified as it was fed through the enormous sound system that sent it through the ears of countless fans who sat enraptured by his beautiful voice. The volume was loud enough to vibrate against your chest and you stood just off of the stage holding your clipboard and wired up with the mic and earpiece, just off in the darkness where you could just make out the shape of his face as he held the microphone to his mouth. You were close enough though that the dark irises of his eyes made their way to brush against your own as he sang and you could feel the intent.

In this arena filled with thousands of his fans, Do Kyungsoo was singing a love song and he was looking at you as he did it. He was looking at you for too long now, you could feel the flush against your skin, on the back of your neck and over the skin of your scalp and the focus of his eyes did not shift away from your face despite the small shake of your head you gave him, urging him away from this. Quickly and before someone notices, look away, you fool.

The song was reaching a crescendo and you lifted your hands to lay over your face. It felt hot and embarrassed at this display. You hoped and you prayed that no one else noticed this. Maybe from the outside observer he merely appeared to stare off into the crowd with no destination in mind as he sang. Maybe no one else could see the steady eye contact he held and the look of pure adoration on his pretty face. It was dark over here and you held your clipboard tightly over your chest like a shield as if you could block the unwanted attention of the curious eyes that began to glance your way as one by one, curious heads turned and looked in the direction he was staring. He was singing this song to someone. They were beginning to realize this.

Why were they looking? Could they even see anything? It was so dark where you stood.

You had taken your eyes off of him up on the stage for only a moment. You had to look away, the eye contact was too burdensome, but when you looked up again, when you found his eyes again you saw more than just a stare. His hand was lifted and his finger was extended and he was pointing at you.

This was why. This was why they looked. This was the reason for all the eyes to search and all at once you felt the gaze of thousands of people land on you. It felt like being crushed by an anvil. The oxygen was sucked out of your lungs and you gasped noisily when a blinding white light hit you in the face. You felt the heat from it. A spotlight flared and illuminated you where you stood alone with your little clipboard offering absolutely no protection from the eyes and judgment of thousands. The only thing you could do was lift it up higher to hide your face when the arena cameras turned to film you.

The song was ending. It was the final line. Kyungsoo’s voice expertly caressed the last sweet words of the love song and at the end, where the lyrics should have ended he added an extra word -- no, not a word, it was your name. It was your name. He sang your name into the song and you peeked out from behind the clipboard toward the big screens behind the stage and you saw your face there. Worried and embarrassed. The hot spotlight heated you and pooled beads of sweat gathered over the surface of your goosebump-prickled skin. You saw yourself on full display; caught in the horror of this as a sinking feeling deep in your stomach pulled hard against your insides. No! This was bad. This was worse than just bad; this was dangerous.

Why would he do this? Why would he do something so public; something so reckless; something so stupid? Was it an act of desperation? His last-ditch attempt to win you back? To show you how much he loved you? Didn’t he know this was suicide?

The sinking in your stomach hit a bottom and you felt nauseated when the panic rose up fast in the back of your throat.

The arena was awash with a sound -- a collective gasp. Thousands of people shocked at once. Their dumbstruck faces all watching you, all watching him. Your co-workers, the other members, everyone with ears and eyes all peaked around corners and out from behind curtains to gawk at the truth and Kyungsoo stood on the center of that stage alone with his eyes smiling — so in love — and his song finished; his moment made public.

And then it began. The first shouted boos from the crowd started from one or two corners of the arena but they spread like wildfire through the flood of people and the noisy anger was staggering and overwhelming in an instant.

And his face, the sweet face he wore which had held such a wide and pure smile; oh, it changed. You watched his face crumble before you. From the corner of your eye, you saw a wave of anger. A group of people lunged forward and brought with them chaos and disaster. Screams and cries were muted and muffled as people, so many people surged forward toward the stage, toward where he stood elevated like a god on a pedestal. And the look in his eyes was disappointment. It was crushed hopes and then it was genuine fear.

As quickly as it appeared, you lost your spotlight. The air cooled around your skin and it was a refreshing change as your darkness enveloped you once more.

But Kyungsoo’s spotlight, it burned brighter than ever. He had two, then three, then six from all corners of the arena shining all at once and he took a step back as his hands fell to his side and the mic went clattering to the ground with a noisy boom that echoed throughout the arena.

There had been barricades. There had been shouting of security guards toward the crowd, but the thousands of angry faces overwhelmed and you watched as they mounted like ants and climbed over one another and they climbed up, up, up, their relentless hands reaching and grasping. They weren’t faces anymore. They were just madness. Nails and teeth and vicious grabs and Kyungsoo took another step back from the commotion, but from the other side of the stage, where the security guards had simply stepped aside with little to no resistance at all came another wave. It came from behind his back. He hadn’t seen them coming for him at all.

You saw arms first. So many arms, reaching up from beside the stage, powerful and strong and they reached for his body. They ripped at his clothing with tight fists. They grabbed for his hands and pulled hard and his balance was thrown before his scream was heard over the roar of the crowd and in an instant, he was gone — right before your eyes he was gone.

He was fully enveloped and consumed and the spot where he stood on the stage sat empty. A spotlight illuminated a single abandoned microphone on the floor and the trembling inside your chest made you weep and scream and cry. The sound hardly reached your own ears over the deafening cacophony.

You opened your eyes and felt the wetness coating your face and soaking your pillow below your head. Your own hands reached up into the empty space above your hotel bed and trembled as they grasped at nothing.

They had taken him.

They had hurt him.

Because he loved you.

You sat up, blinked twice and then twice more to clear the fog in your eyes and wiped at the wetness on your face with fingertips that still trembled from the dream.

It took you only a moment of heavy breathing to recognize your hotel room. You remembered checking in. You remembered the hectic work day and then the disaster with your phone and then you remembered the door — the one that linked your hotel room to Kyungsoo’s — you sat up straighter and pushed the warm covers off of your bare legs. It was colder in here than you remembered, but you had fallen asleep rather abruptly last night. You didn’t remember plugging in the loaner cell phone and setting it down on the bedside table but there it sat, fully charged and ready for tomorrow’s busy day.

Kyungsoo must have done this before returning to his own room to sleep. He would’ve brought the charging cable from his own room to charge the phone for you and you inhaled a deep breath to rid yourself of the uncomfortable feeling that came along with the realization that he must have trotted back and forth between the two rooms, busy with this little task as you slept soundly and unaware in this bed. These actions felt very intimate and that uncomfortable feeling was confusing you with how it shifted and swelled and warmed you from the inside. How could such an uncomfortable feeling be so warm? You had been used to feeling quite empty. Perhaps this feeling felt too full to be at home inside your body.

Because he loved you.

The remnants of the dream still pulled hard at your chest and you inhaled a deep breath that trembled as it inflated your lungs. Your feet were on the floor and you were pushing yourself up with a glance at the phone to check the time. It was after 4am. You’d been sleeping for a few hours at least. He would also be sound asleep by now.

As you rounded the foot of the bed you could see the wood of the door and your steps paused to see that it had been left open. Yours sat completely open and you could tell by the slight light coming from inside his room that he had also left his door open.

The floor was carpeted but you walked light and slow regardless; careful not to make a single sound as you approached the open doorway of his hotel room. You might have even been holding your breath when you placed a careful step out of your room and into his room.

There was little difference between the two rooms. The decor was an identical, although reversed, layout. Even the chilly ambient temperature was the same and you shivered quietly; remembering how he liked to sleep in a colder room than you did. He got hot at night and shed pants before sleep when the temperature wasn’t cold enough. You hadn’t minded the chill in the air when you had his body heat with you under his covers.

This must have been why your room felt cold. His thermostat was working overtime to cool both rooms.

Despite the obvious parallelisms, walking into Kyungsoo’s hotel room at 4:19am as he slept soundly on his bed with his back away from your approaching footsteps, it felt like walking into a completely different plane of existence.

You only needed to see him; to calm the storm in your soul brought on by the nightmare. You only needed to witness his safe and sleeping face with your own two eyes. You would only look.

You would only see; you would not touch. You would not kiss and you would not weep to see him safe and sound. A single look would do.

He slept in the middle of his bed, curled over to his side with a pillow wedged between his knees. He often overworked his body and his muscles would ache from the constant exertion. He slept this way when he was very tired. There was a space on the side of his bed, plenty of room for you to sit beside him as he slept and you moved in slow-motion; careful not to make the bed dip or rock as you did it. You only needed to look.

Kyungsoo slept. His black hair laid flat over his forehead with bits in the back fluffed by his pillow. His lips were parted as he breathed in and out through his mouth. His breathing was even and slow. He did not move when you sat down and you watched the steady rise and fall of his chest with an ache in your fingertips and that annoying longing deep within your chest. He slept and you craved. He breathed and you yearned.

His forearm was uncovered by the blankets. The smooth skin was taught and thin over strong muscles that sat relaxed and your fingers felt too cold and itchy all on their own. He was real. He was safe. You’d already verified this with your own eyes yet that urge for warmth and connection was as strong as any other desire you had ever felt in your life -- all of the desires you had given in to in the past, oh god, you had a bad track record by now -- you reached your hand out to him and he was warm and he was alive. The blood pumped through his veins and warmed the skin that your fingertips explored.

The contrast was shocking. Your hands were cold and you heard an inhale from him. You felt the tensing of the muscles under his skin that sat below your hand and you were so cold and you were still so tired. The nightmare had robbed you of the peaceful sleep your body needed.

With his first inhale came a sound. A soft and confused groan that made you pull your hand away. You hadn’t intended on such a disturbance. You hadn’t meant to touch him. But you had (that was your weakness winning again) and he made another sound as his hand moved; he reached. He turned over and he reached and you felt caught. Quite literally, you felt his hand wrap around your wrist and his sleepy eyelids pulled open to see you sitting on the side of his bed in the middle of the night; uninvited, unexpected, and yet unforced.

“Are you okay? What happened?” His voice was thick with sleep but he pushed through it, forcing his eyes to open as he tried his hardest to wake up. The hand that had wrapped around your wrist released you and he rubbed his own face roughly with his fingertips pressing over his sore and tired eyes. “What time is it? Do we have to go?” His sleepy mind was trying to make sense of this sudden awakening and you shook your head with a small frown of your lips.

“No, it’s not time to get up yet,” you confessed, but he was already sitting up now. He let out a low groan again, still fighting hard against the sleep.

“What happened -- come here,” he was shifting in the bed and he reached for your arm again, this time pulling and oh -- oh, he was very warm. He was all of the warmth you craved and you needed and his smell was inviting and familiar. “Come here, baby, did something happen?”

The lowness of his voice was heady. It was a salve. It would save you for sure.

It was a drug. It was a dirty habit you really should quit already, but...

He moved the blanket aside and you recognized the invitation to come into his bed. He would share his warmth. He would speak softly, only to you, with that voice and he was safe and he was real and you were---you were so cold and you were so tired.

“I had a nightmare,” you confessed into the darkness of this room. You felt the smallness of yourself. A silly girl spooked by demons in the night, you sought comfort and pacification. There was a street lamp just outside of the window on the opposite wall and it shone just enough light for you to make out the features of his face. He was beautiful. He blinked at you; sitting up on his bed and you sat up, resisting the small tug he gave your arm until you simply did not want to resist anymore.

He pulled and you sank and felt the warmth of his body encircle you entirely. You were pulled under. You never stood a chance with how empty you were feeling and how warm he was. Your chest against his chest; his body your cocoon.

“A bad dream?” Kyungsoo whispered into your ear and he rubbed hot palms over the skin of your arms and over your back. You hadn’t even realized how cold you were until he began thawing your ice. “You’re so cold,” he said as he lifted his legs and wrapped them around your bare ones.

“You were hurt, in my dream,” you said softly, but the warmth felt too good to keep your eyes open.

“I was?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed into his neck where you had tucked your chin. “You disappeared and you were hurt and I couldn’t do anything about it. I could only watch it happen.”

“It was just a bad dream. I won’t get hurt and I won’t go anywhere. Stay here and go back to sleep.” his voice was slowing down as he spoke and you recognized the comfort of the embrace that threatened to pull him under. His hands slowed their rubbing and you tried to breathe comfortably from your spot below his neck with minimal success. It was too tight here, and the air was hot.

Your sleepy mind only marginally recognized the danger of your spin. His arms loosened their hold for a moment for you to do it and you found yourself pulled tighter against his body once again, this time with your back against this chest; your ass against his groin and the lure of his hands over your breast.

You were both too sleepy for restraint or propriety. His hand opened up over your breast and you felt the nudge of his hips as he nestled himself tightly against your ass.

It only took a moment for you to fall into tricky waters. You shifted your hips just a little bit. The long sleep shirt you wore had rolled up and you had to angle yourself to pull it down. The shift of your hips made him move, quite obviously half-hard against you and you felt his hand move from cupping your breast to land securely over your hip. He pressed your hip down very firmly into the mattress and he held you there. He wanted you to stop wiggling your ass against his dick like that.

“Sorry,” you whispered and you heard a small grunt of a response from just behind your ear.

You held still. You didn’t need to test his self-control any more this evening and you were entirely too sleepy to be convinced of much otherwise. After a few moments of stillness, the storm seemed to pass and you were drifting again when you heard a slow inhale from behind you.

It came with a slow brush of his fingers along your hairline and the unmistakable softness of his lips pressed into the skin of your temple.

“Asleep?” He whispered and you opened your eyes to see the flicker of that far away street lamp from the window.

You shook your head and he inhaled another slow breath. It made his chest press up against your shoulder blades.

“What do you want me to do?”

The question felt too heavy for 4:35am the night before a scheduled workday.

You didn’t answer.

“Tell me what you want me to do. I’ve never… I realized that I never asked you what you wanted from me — throughout all of it. I was...I was upset that you didn’t share things with me, that you didn’t just tell me what you wanted but then I realized that I never asked you. Ever. I just did whatever I wanted and then wondered why you never told me anything about you.

“Remember that time I was hesitant about accepting the web-drama while doing the tour with EXO? And what you said to me — you said ‘What do you want to do, Kyungsoo. You should do what you want to do. You’ll do the work. You’ll feel it the most. If it’s what you want, then do it.’ Well, I think now it’s time for me to ask you. What do you want me to do? About us. Because it affects you too. You feel it just as much as I do. You’re going through this — so what do you want me to do?”

This definitely felt too heavy for 4:35am when the shine of the street lamp’s light was interrupted by the steady drops of rain that had begun to patter against the window pane.

“What do you want?

“Do you want me to give up?

“Do you want me to give you up and move on?

“Do you want me to forget about you?

“I can close my door at night and you can stop crying over dreams of me being hurt and we can delete the pictures for good and we won’t have each other’s secrets to keep anymore.

“Tell me what I should do, because I’m lost. I need to know what you want.”

What did you want? You wanted peace. You wanted a happy existence. You wanted him to be healthy and happy above all else and for you, you wanted…you wanted...

It was the question to end all questions. Six months ago the answer would have screamed at you. No, you didn’t want him to move on. You didn’t want him to leave your side. You wanted what he promised in the song. You wanted to be his forever and you wanted him to be yours.

But now? What did you want now?

“What do you want?” He said it again, only this time without the added speech.

What do you want? It replayed in your head. It prodded you with its pointed tines. This time it felt more direct. Now more of a general question for your hopes and desires and less about how it would affect him when you answered.

“I—don’t know what I want, Kyungsoo. I’ve just been trying to survive for a while now. A lot has changed in my life.”

“Okay, so you don’t know. That’s… that can be an answer.” You could feel his chin over your shoulder as he nodded his head and spoke. “That’s not a yes. That’s not you telling me to give you up, right? You’re not telling me to move on. To forget you, right?”

“That’s … that’s a maybe, right?”

What? If ever there was a grand leap in logic it was happening in this man’s head right now. You let out the smallest chuckle at just how big of a reach he had made with your answer. Well after 4 in the damn morning.

A maybe.

If ever a maybe was flimsy, cheap, and shaky as hell then this was that maybe.

“Ask me what I want.” His voice lifted a bit and your small sleepy chuckle returned to seep out from your lips.

When you didn’t ask right away you felt the smallest nudge as he shook his chest and rattled you just enough to feel it. You had to roll your eyes at the persistence you always knew he had inside of him.

“What do you want, Kyungsoo?” Your delivery was flat and lifeless and you were so damn sleepy as you closed your eyes at the sight of a tiny sliver of sunlight peeking up over the horizon. What in the fuck time did the sun rise in this country?

“You.”

You’d expected it. That didn’t lessen the impact any. Luckily your eyes were still closed and you didn’t have to look into his face as he said it.

“I want you to be with me. I want you to love me again — like you used to. God, I want your trust back. I want a time machine and about ten fewer beers that night. I want you. I want you to come to my house and stay there with me and I want ...just...y-you’re the only one I love. What do you want me to do? Tell me what to do.”

It was too late for this. You were too tired and so weak to him and he was so lovely when he was sleepy. He always did this — grew soft and sappy in the middle of the night and made you want to give him the whole world.

“What if I come over and never leave, Kyungsoo? That sounded a little bit like a proposal.” You heard the laughter on your voice and he was silent and motionless behind you. His silence dragged on for three seconds after your giggles ran dry and you turned your head to look to where he was lost in his own head.

“Do you want a proposal? Is that what you want me to do?”

This...oh, this made a genuine chuckle burst from your lips. He had a glint of amusement in his eyes as he watched you smile and you turned back toward the rising sun with an incredulous sigh.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you whispered.

“Don’t tell me not to be ridiculous. I can be ridiculous if I want to be ridiculous.” His whisper matched your own and he outdid yours by adding a petulant, self-righteous tone to his words.

“I’m ridiculously in love with you. Do you want to meet my parents and tell the members? Do you want a public display?”

This last question made your eyes pop open — wide and on-alert — you turned over swiftly making his head pop up from where he had nestled in behind you — breathing his air supply straight from the spaces in between the strands of your hair. Your alert made the soft smile vanish from his face.

“No! No public anything, Kyungsoo. Don’t be reckless and don’t be rash. Never public anything. Do you hear me?”

He watched your face through the outburst and after he was certain you were done talking he gave you a calm and simple head nod. There were no prying questions about your reasons. He simply agreed.

“What about the rest? We could...tell our friends and my parents and your—”

“Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself for a maybe, Do Kyungsoo?” You interrupted the big plans he was making in his head with a dismissive hand wave and you rolled back over to face the window again as you tried in vain to close out the early morning sunshine. You were pretty sure you heard some birds singing some stupid song outside and the thought of wasting all that precious sleep time because of a nightmare was making you grumpy.

It wasn’t lost on you that Kyungsoo hadn’t responded to your interruption and you sighed wearily before turning to look at him once more.

He was watching you and he had a smile on his lips as he did it.

“You said maybe,” he said in wonder and it took you a solid second to replay what you had said to him. He was right. You’d said it and you’d meant it at the time. You had said it to quiet him down, sure, but you could definitely feel the sweet warmth of the flame of hope that sparked inside of your chest.

“You want to know what I want? What I really, really want, Kyungsoo?”

“I think I know where this is going,” he spoke under his breath but you ignored it.

“I would like to go to sleep. We have 3 more hours before we have to be awake and worth a damn. Please, can we just sleep?”

“I knew you were going to say sleep,” he mumbled again and before you had the chance to grumpily turn yourself away he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours and he kissed you. It was soft and it was unexpected and it was quick; before you had the chance to react or return he had popped his head back down behind your neck and he wiggled his body back and forth seeking the comfort of the embrace he held you in.

“Oh my god. I’m so tired. Ugh...Go to sleep already. You’ve kept me up all night.” He was grumbling inside your hair and you were laughing out of genuine exhausted frustration as you finally closed your eyes to the world that was just beginning to come alive outside of that window.

Inside this room, you had a warm body beside you and hopefully a few uninterrupted hours without any more bad dreams.

For the second morning in a row, you woke up in bed with Kyungsoo. Only unlike yesterday, today felt completely different.

He was still asleep and at some point, he had turned over to face the other direction. Away from the bright sunshine that came through the window, shining directly into your face. It was the reason you had woken up. You knew it must be time for you to shower and get ready for work.

You moved like a ghost. There was something just a little guilt-like bubbling inside of your stomach as you extracted yourself from the tangle of his bedsheets and carefully replaced them to cover his bare legs. Your face had a little bit of a tingle. Just a little bit of heat under the surface of your skin and it was an odd feeling, akin to waking up early and taking the last cookie from the cookie jar as everyone else in the house slept soundly.

You tiptoed, cartoon villain style (much to your own horror) through the room and you made it to the doorway and through it onto the safety of your own identical matching carpet flooring. It was, of course, completely in your head, but this carpet felt just a little bit softer and more inviting. It felt just a little less like the burning hot coals that his floor was made of.

You closed your own door once you were safely inside and you even flipped the lock over to keep up the charade that you had everything absolutely and completely under control in your life.

No big deal...just a few hours of sleep curled up in bed with your ex-boyfriend. It didn’t mean you were back together right?

Maybe.

Kyungsoo understood completely that you weren’t ready for that, right? He wouldn’t wake up alone in his bed confused and blindsided that you would leave first thing in the morning without so much as a farewell kiss. He was an adult capable of rational thought. He would assume you had to get ready for work and you knew that he also had to wake up and get ready at some point. Performers didn’t start as early as the staff did and he would report to the venue for sound check in the afternoon.

You had plenty to prepare for today’s fan-meeting, although your preparations the evening before had made a significant dent in the workload.

The stress of today, compared to yesterday already felt less. Maybe your mood was better. Maybe the work itself was easier. Perhaps it was how clear the languages sounded to your ears today and how light and swift your tongue moved inside your mouth as you translated. You felt sharp. It must be this amazing Japanese pour-over coffee you had picked up from the café on the corner. Or maybe it was the happy song the birds sang over the sound of the city as you skipped your way down the sidewalk toward the staff van waiting to take you to the venue.

The weather was perfect and a light breeze blew against your bare legs. You’d opted for a skirt today, matching it with a flattering top that hugged the right spots. It was your favorite outfit and you were absolutely certain you looked amazing in it. You’d caught your own reflection in the glass shop windows and wondered to yourself whether your hair always looked this great. You really did your makeup well too. Today was going to be amazing. Today was going to go smoothly and perfectly and you wouldn’t stumble on your words or hear any trembling in your voice over the arena loudspeakers like you did yesterday. Today was going to be perfect. You were claiming it now.

You climbed into the staff van to sit in the middle row beside the wardrobe crew, two young Korean women named Sungmi and Hyojin, who generally avoided many conversations with you outside of the occasional, yet obviously forced, pleasantries required for the job or the odd translation request.

Today, their hushed whispers quieted down the instant they saw you enter the van and you forced a bright smile on your face. Whatever that was about you would ignore it. The girls here tended to whisper to each other, especially when you entered the room, but maybe that was just how they were. You wouldn’t let it get to you because it didn’t mean anything. The stifled giggles you heard exchanged after you sat down grated against your spine but you would not let it make an impact on your day. Let them have their secrets. Lord knows you had yours. You inhaled and exhaled and forced your nerves to calm themselves. It didn’t work that well. You still felt the nagging of uncertainty.

The phone in your bag was vibrating and you pulled it out to see a new notification for a game generated through the messenger you used. A familiarity hit you and you recognized it as a word game you had played with Kyungsoo a few times. You lost every one of these games the handful of times you had played with him and you attributed it to his superior grasp of his own language. He should try playing in your language and see how well he did.

Still, you opened the game and saw that he had played the word stricken first and it sat there waiting for you to take your turn. You stared down at the letters you had available to use and shuffled them a few times to see if any words came to you. It was useless. You hated this game. You saw a possibility that you could play but the word was entirely too uncomfortable for you to place down. It was kind of a sexy word. You refused to play sexy words in this game with him.

“Sultry,” Hyojin, who sat beside you, spoke into your ear and you looked up into her face, both surprised that she was talking to you and that she was paying attention to your phone screen, “you have sultry. That’s a good word.” Her fingertip pointed to the letter’s of Kyungsoo’s word as she spoke. “You can put it there.”

“I can’t play that word,” you shook your head and looked down at your phone again. Hitting shuffle once more to find something else.

“Or...slut, you could play that word.” She giggled as soon as she said it and Sungmi covered a noisy laugh with a fake cough.

“Too bad she can’t spell Sehun with her letters, I’m sure he would love that.”

“Sungmi, you can’t use people’s names. What about gold-digger,” Hyojin said and you could feel the warmth pooling just underneath the skin of your cheeks as their words sunk in like sharp knives all over you.

It was office gossip. Just rumors. It was, of course, complete bullshit, but that didn’t make it sting any less.

You had caught hints that the nature of your relationship with Sehun had been in question after your very sudden and abrupt promotion as Exo’s exclusive translator and it didn’t take too long for the staff to find out that he had been the one to submit the request for your transfer.

You’d spent the better part of your month on the job practically killing yourself to prove your worth in this place. You’d worked yourself to near exhaustion on many occasions and even gone so far as to pull a few all-nighters when it seemed like you wouldn’t have enough time to finish something. You skipped lunches, always stayed late, and submitted assignments early and without errors. You’d performed exemplary on each and every task thrown at you and none of that mattered because, with a few choice words, a few lies, every single bit of effort you had put into this job was lost on them.

All they saw as the connection you had used to get the job. All they saw was the way he looked at you and followed you around sometimes; holding your hand or bringing you coffee whether or not you asked for it.

You stared down at your phone screen as the irritation grew inside your body and a word suddenly jumped out at you. Your fingers were moving in an instant and you dragged letters across the playing board.

“Oh, look I have a word. Slander. Do you know that word? It’s the crime of making a false statement that damages a person’s reputation. I’m sure you’ve both heard that word before.

“You can be sued for slander.” Your smile was wide and you even laughed a little bit at the hypothetical thought of witnessing such an amusing event.

The triumph in your chest was palpable. Both because of the way they both physically recoiled from you when you said the word out-loud and because it was a great word; worth three times the points that Kyungsoo’s word had been worth. If you kept this up you were going to kick his ass at this game.

“I bet Mr. Oh Sehun knows the word,” you added for the hell of it with that smile still on your face as they both turned pink and avoided your eyes. Hyojin, who had been leaning against your arm as she looked over your shoulder at your phone had actually scooted away from you and was no longer touching you at all. “He certainly has the kind of money to sue someone, or even two people, for slander...spreading false rumors...defamation of character. That kind of thing.”

“We didn’t say anything about Sehun,” Sungmi chimed in defensively from the other side of a silent Hyojin and you lifted your eyebrows with a tilt of your head.

“I didn’t say you did Sungmi. I’m just playing a word game with my boyfriend...who is not Oh Sehun, in case you were wondering.”

It felt like winning until you looked down at the notification of Kyungsoo’s next play to learn that he had played some big dumb word worth fifty points that you were pretty sure was not even a real word. It had to be a glitch. The game had accidentally allowed nonsense to be played. Was he using a dictionary? You’d both agreed never to cheat and only use words you both actually knew and there was no way that was a real word. Now he was winning and you could practically see the smug look on his face as he waited for your next pathetic attempt.

Well... he could just wait. You grumpily closed the game and locked your phone to deal with your next play at another time because the van had arrived at the venue and it was time to get to work.

Day two of the fan meeting had a different schedule of events and a different script. There were new games the members played and changes to the songs they performed. Despite all of the changes, you felt better about today. You didn’t bumble on any words and you had a moment to go through the host’s questions the evening before so that when the time came to translate the member’s answers you were ready and unswayed by the words they used.

You translated accurately and quickly and even mirrored the same intonation and inflection some of the more playful members used when speaking to the audience. You were a tool to connect them with their fans and you kept their intentions intact as you translated. Speaking exactly as they spoke and garnering a huge fan and member response with your translation delivery when you imitated Minseok’s aegyo punishment -- the forced and embarrassing childlike phrases and mannerisms that was a popular fanservice -- you translated it into Japanese for the audience and from your position on the sidelines you could see several members laughing along with the crowd.

While you recognized the humiliating nature of it, you pushed through and told yourself you weren’t actually you today. You were merely an extension of the person who was speaking on stage. You were Exo. You were Xiumin’s whiny baby voice complaining about a bad dream. You were Chen’s dramatic whining when he was ranked first by the members for pettiness. You were also Sehun’s weird chicken sounds which were weird in any language. You were forced to make the same exact animal sounds into your mic to get him to go on with the scripted activities when he actually paused for your translation and the entire arena waited for it to happen, much to Sehun’s immense amusement.

In stark contrast to yesterday’s program, you actually found yourself enjoying this so much that by the time the final curtain was pulled you were a bit sad to see it over. You took your time with it. Basking for a few more minutes in the afterglow as you watched the crowd slowly began to thin and staff members began the task of tear down and clean up and after such a large event, they would no doubt be working well into the night.

Pleasant feelings aside, your job was actually done for the day. You de-wired and made your way to the back of the stage area where you would reconvene with the shuttle that would be returning to the hotel in about an hour. You had a small waiting area to occupy with a few other staff members and you pulled out your phone to check messages and emails for any tasks that might be waiting.

Nope. Nothing that required your immediate attention. You felt good. You felt free. You longed for a long soak in your hotel bathtub and a movie in your bed.

You’d made it to the hotel. Made it as far as your room where you had slipped off your shoes and began rubbing your tired soles when your phone buzzed with a message.

It was Sehun. You groaned right out loud and swiped to open it.

There was what he claimed to be some sort of translation emergency that required you to put your damn shoes back on and head over to Junmyeon’s hotel room.

You were skeptical. You wanted to remind him that this was different than the European Tour of last year and you were no longer on call 24/7 and that if it was a real emergency he could just send you a picture of the foreign text or call you and put the person on the phone who he couldn’t understand.

But Sehun was a friend and you were soft for your friends.

Also, you were a fool.

It was not a translation emergency.

It was an after party and Junmyeon was mixing drinks using the recipe printed on the back of a mixer bottle that was written in Japanese. Some gifts from a sponsor, the alcohol itself was expensive even for their standards and there was a lot of it. Junmyeon’s hotel room was crowded with a few members and a couple managers and staff milling around doorways with drinks in their hands and a couple of members, Baekhyun and Minseok, were playing a noisy fighting game that was set up in the living area on what looked to be an older and very used gaming system plugged into the hotel tv. It was loud in there and you were still too keyed up from the busy day to fake exhaustion and decline the invite.

Besides, they seemed to be happy to see you there.

And somebody had to read the instructions on the back of the bottle for Junmyeon. You were already there. It might as well be you.

Once they got you through the door, the cheering-slash-teasing started and there was clapping, with pats on the back and side hugs all around and impressions of your chicken sounds and Japanese Aegyo attempts.

“The translations were really, really great today,” Sehun said with his eyes turned up into happy little moons, “I wish we were doing more shows in Japan.”

“Don't you just mix them together? I don't understand why you need a translator for mixing two things together.” Kyungsoo stood beside Junmyeon with two different bottles in his hands and a perplexed look on his face as he read the backs. “Look it says it right there in English. Mix with sake -- Junmyeon--” Kyungsoo pointed at the bottle with a squint in his eyes and tapped Junmyeon on the arm to get his attention. “Junmyeon, everything is in English right here, what’s wrong with you?”

“Oh...is it?” Junmyeon said without looking at Kyungsoo and there was a tense smile on his face that didn’t convince you at all that he was being given information that he didn’t already know.

“Oh, well since you’re here…” Junmyeon spoke to you now, his eyes looking up from the glass he was topping off with soda, “...might as well stay for the party.”

You now inexplicably had a drink in your hand. You could smell the whiskey coming from the glass and you grabbed the soda can from the counter to add more.

Kyungsoo was watching you and he abandoned the bottles and took a step to stand beside you at the counter. You could feel the warmth of his arm against your own.

“You look really pretty today,” he whispered under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear but definitely drowned out by the noise Baekhyun was making in the living room. Minseok had lost a round and was doing shots now. Baekhyun was hooting and making all the noise in the world because of it and when Jongdae joined in the taunting, the commotion was suddenly in stereo and louder a sound than you thought possible for only two people create.

“Oh...umm…” was your only response, because there were many, many people in this place and he wasn’t one to throw out compliments, not usually. You felt caught off guard by it. It was flirtatious and it was whispered just for you. It took your ability to speak and tossed it around with the ice in your glass. You lifted the glass to rest the rim against your lip and the bubbles of your drink tickled and popped just below your nose, making it itch. All you could smell was whiskey and you made a face and pulled it away.

Kyungsoo grabbed your glass and lifted it to his own nose for inspection and winced once. Then his hand moved to hover over the sink where he tipped and poured half of the contents down the drain, topping the glass off once again with more soda.

He didn’t speak as he did this and you just watched him silently as he returned the glass to your hands with a pass of his soft fingertips over the back of your hand as you gripped it.

“Hey, uhh…” someone spoke from the other side of you and you looked up toward the sound of Sehun’s voice. He didn’t seem to notice Kyungsoo dropping his hands to his sides or the lightning speed with which he did it. His focus was on your face and he fidgeted with the water bottle in his hands; unscrewing and rescrewing the cap again and again. He cleared his throat once and you smiled reassuringly as you waited for him to speak.

“Can I talk to you?” Sehun’s face looked uncharacteristically serious, even for Sehun. Or was that a nervous look? Either way, you nodded your head and took a step away from Kyungsoo and closer to where Sehun stood with that bottle gripped tightly enough to crush the top of the plastic.

“I...uhh...I heard something from the makeup noona today. You know, Hyojin?” he whispered and stopped talking to take a deep breath of air into his lungs. “She asked me if I’ve ever played this word game app in the chat and I’d never seen it before. And then she said something else about you.”

You couldn't help your reaction as you exhaled a noisy breath and your temper flared up inside of you. Stupid office rumors again, stupid gossipy women and their bullshit. You were pretty sure you knew where this was going. She must have let the rumors reach Sehun. You were sure he had heard about how you were weaseling your way into his close circle, getting close with him so you could what? Fuck him to get to the top? You didn’t want to get to the top. You didn’t need millions of dollars of someone else’s hard earned money. You were just trying to live your own damn life and make it out with a little security of your own. Why these people couldn't just let you live your damn life, you couldn't understand.

“Yeah, about that Sehun, I’m sorry,” you inhaled to calm yourself in an attempt to control your reaction. “Uhh, because of the uhh...the transfer? You pulling strings to get me that translator position and all that, there have been a few rumors about, I guess my intentions with you? I mean they’re completely baseless, obviously, we both know that, right? I’m not trying to date you. I’m not a slut or a gold digger or whatever it is they’ve been saying about me.” You were going now. Both annoyed and embarrassed that he would have to hear these rumors with his own ears when he had been nothing but helpful to you since your arrival in Korea.

“And I’m just really sorry that you being a good friend to me has brought about these kinds of rumors. That’s not fair to you and it was never my intention in working here--”

Your apologies were interrupted when Sehun spoke over your rant. “She said you had a boyfriend.”

His words put a stop to whatever else you were saying because you honestly felt thrown. “Boyfriend? Hyojin said that?”

You tried your very best to keep your eyes on Sehun and to not let them wander over to the man standing a foot away from you reading the label on his water bottle as if it had all the secrets of the universe printed amongst the ingredients. You tried and you failed and you met Kyungsoo’s eyes for a split second before Sehun was talking again.

“Yeah, she said that you said, you were playing the game with your boyfriend.”

What? Impossible. There was no way you said that word. But you stood there trying to recall the conversation in the van. You had been mad at the time. Perhaps not quite in command of your languages like you usually were when you were calm. You felt like your whole head might be on fire. You could see Kyungsoo out of the corner of your eye lifting his water bottle to take a drink after clearing his throat quietly.

“I mean...I was playing the game with someone,” your lips hung open and you carefully considered your next words. They bounced around your mouth, desperate to come out but you couldn't quite decide which ones to pick. “...but I don't think I said that word.”

Your eyes met Kyungsoo’s again and he was watching your face in all it’s confused and burning glory as you scrambled to explain yourself when you yourself didn’t even understand what you were trying to explain.

“I don't think I said the word boyfriend. I mean it was a … a friend, but I don’t--”

“Okay... everyone playing, grab your drinks and join us in the living room please.” Junmyeon was shouting over the sound of the party and you jumped at the chance to abandon this situation.

“Oh look, a game,” you said and you grabbed your drink and walked very quickly toward the spot where Junmyeon set up markers and sheets of paper for a game. You didn't know what it was, but it had to be better than what was happening in that kitchen.

You had been followed though. Both Sehun and Kyungsoo appeared beside you holding their stupid water bottles and Sehun had a frustrated and somewhat wounded look on to his face that you did not have time for right now. Kyungsoo on the other hand, he looked quite pleased. And because you literally could not help yourself, you looked at him, again and again, each time catching the tiny smile on his lips and even the smug lift of his eyebrows.

“Okay we need two teams,” Junmyeon was talking. “How should we make the teams?”

“How about by age?” Minseok suggested and the group shrugged and looked around at each other, ready to divide by some mysterious birth year mark when Sehun’s voice spoke up.

“Why don't we do, Single vs. Taken? If you’re in a relationship, you’re on the taken side. If you’re single then you’re over here. I think that will make pretty even groups.”

You were standing somewhere in the middle of the divide and people were moving around the room. Minseok, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Manager Kim and Manager Lee all moved to the opposite side of the room and Sehun stayed put where he was.

“Is there an it’s complicated section?” Park Chanyeol spoke from somewhere in the middle of the room and you nodded your head at his suggestion. You also wondered the same thing.

“It’s not complicated, you’re just a slut. That’s considered single. Sit down,” Sehun grabbed Chanyeol’s arm and pulled him to sit down on the sofa where he had established the Single headquarters. Jongin sat down with a pout on his lips next to Sehun and you looked back and forth between the two groups.

You had to do this quickly and you had finally made your mind up, taking a step toward the Taken group before turning back and taking two big steps toward the Single group.

“Hey, are you not listening again? Single is over there, Kyungsoo.” Minseok was pushing on Kyungsoo’s chest to get him to move from where he stood in the Taken group and he looked up to where you had made three steps toward the singles. Kyungsoo’s expression changed.

Now that you were well within their territory, it was very clear where you had been headed and Kyungsoo pulled his face into a small grimace, wrinkling his nose once in response to Minseok.

“Sorry, I was confused,” he said with a forced laugh to cover the pink you saw in his cheeks. When he lifted his hands to run through his hair and adjust the black cap he wore on his head you recognized the nervous and slightly embarrassed behavior from him. Seeing him struggling because of you was making you feel very conflicted about picking this side.

He was going to join the Taken team. He was over there already and when he saw that you chose Single, his face changed and fell and well … that guilt was building again. The same guilt you felt when you tiptoed out of his room this morning when he was still asleep. You felt like a jerk.

You sat on the sofa next to Sehun who’s expression looked much better now than it had looked before the groups were made.

Kyungsoo sat down on the floor in front of the sofa with his shoulder resting against your knee. He didn’t look at you and he didn’t speak to you when he sat down. The nape of his neck and the tips of his ears were both pink. You reached forward out of instinct; out of habit; out of love for him, and you slipped the tips of your fingers along the hem of his black shirt. You were close enough to each other that no one would be able to see the hidden movement of your hand. You saw the stiffening of his shoulders as you reached his skin and slipped your hand over the back of his exposed neck. You laid it flat over him and you lightly squeezed once for consolation. It might have even been an apology squeeze. You wished you could lean forward and whisper into his ear or kiss the side of his pretty face to get rid of that look you had seen on his face.

After a few moments, you felt the warmth of his hand reach behind your leg down on the floor and he squeezed your calf once in response. He understood you and your indecision. He would not hold your not-being-ready-yet against you in any way. That one tiny squeeze made you feel better in so many ways and you were suddenly excited for the game.

The game started. It was a drawing game with answers to draw out for your team members to guess and the penalty was alcohol. Of course, they would make this into a drinking game.

The Single team was composed of a group of people that weren’t very loud, or very good with words, with the exception of Chanyeol who was loud but little else. In short, the group was full of a bunch of dummies and frankly, you were entirely too competitive to stand by and let the Takens steamroll over the Singles like this.

Minseok and Jongdae seemed to share a brain. It was honestly disgusting and you probably hated them. At one point, Minseok drew what didn’t even look like a gun on his paper and then Minseok only had to look at Jongdae with a single eyebrow up and finger lifted for Jongdae to guess the movie Kingsmen in literally a fraction of a second and you stood with your arms flapping up by your head, making an elephant’s trunk and making yourself look like an idiot for the entire 30 seconds of your turn as you frantically circled literally the best elephant you had ever drawn in your life and none of these fools could guess the movie Dumbo.

They mostly just laughed and shouted movie titles related to flying. There was an elephant right there! It was right there! Kyungsoo said Okja and you had to actually restrain yourself...it was useful that you weren’t allowed to talk during your round because you would have screamed at him. Okja was not an elephant. Did he even pay attention to the movie? You both watched that together for Christ’s sake.

Out of frustration and trailing by a single point for several rounds now thanks to a lucky guess by Jongin that had brought the Singles up to one point behind the Takens, Kyungsoo picked a topic from the science pile for his next clue. You could already taste the shots you would be forced to swallow when you watched him pull from that pile...with this group Kyungsoo? Really?

He opened the clue to read the answer and his eyebrows rose as he looked into your face with a purposeful expression that made you sit up straight on the edge of the sofa.

When he began drawing Jongin and Sehun simultaneously shouted Volcano and Kyungsoo kept drawing. You saw him draw a small circle in the center of the volcano with a black stone mounted on the top of the circle and he turned with his eyes wide to look into your face.

“Lord of the rings!” Chanyeol shouted, forgetting that this was no longer the movie category.

“Obsidian,” you said and Kyungsoo clapped his hands and smiled widely at your guess, cheering in celebration as he came back to the group with hands up for a double high-five with you. His fingers interlocked between yours after the high five and he shook your hands into the air with the most beautiful smile on his face.

“How in the hell did you guess that?” Baekhyun complained from the other side of the room and the Takens were wincing as they swallowed down their punishments, annoyed that this round had finally tied the score up.

Your team lucked out by the next round because Baekhyun was up and pulled something that nobody in the room had even heard of. He spent his 30 seconds trying to get his teammates to guess the individual syllables and time ran out. Your team could not guess the answer either so no shots were ordered as punishment.

It was, however, your turn and with the scores tied there appeared the chance to actually win this thing. A chance that had eluded the Singles for about an hour. A finished pile would end the game and there was only one clue left in the Person Place or Thing pile. You grabbed it.

The clue you read was Fear of Heights and you were scrambling to think of the best way to draw this as your team waited and the timer was started. You had to be quick. You had to use your history with Kyungsoo to your advantage and you remembered the past with him. That time in Montserrat in the cable car suspended on a thin wire, billions of miles above the ground when you nearly peed your pants for how scared you were. The time in Paris when he lamented on being unable to ride the giant Ferris wheel because of your fear of heights.

So you looked at him with determination written all over your face and he straightened his spine and looked at you with his lips parted and his eyes wide.

You drew a mountain and Sehun, Jongin and Chanyeol all shouted things. One of them, you weren’t sure who, said Titanic. You drew an X through the mountain and then you pointed at yourself. Kyungsoo watched you and didn’t speak.

Next, you drew a thin line from the peak to the ground and a little box with windows hanging from it and you drew another X with your index finger thrust into your chest for emphasis.

You were halfway through the giant circle for the Ferris wheel when you heard Kyungsoo’s answer.

“Fear of heights,” he said and you tossed the marker down onto the tabletop in celebration and jumped up and down in happiness. He got it! He got it! You were elated and the Singles team was clapping their hands noisily as the Takens all groaned loudly and complained from the other side of the room. You heard protests and questions.

How could he have known what that was? All I saw was mountain hate, what does that even mean. No hills allowed. How the hell is that fear of heights? What was the thing coming down even?

You’d reached where Kyungsoo stood with his smile wide and bright and his arms outstretched and you rushed, you leaped and you leaned in celebration and you felt the hug of his arms around your waist as you both jumped in celebration and unrestrained laughter.

And it happened so fast.

It just...

It happened before you even realized what you had done and when you heard the cumulative gasp of so many people in the room and the pounding inside your own ears clouded your mind and made it swim in a confusion that made you pull yourself out of Kyungsoo’s arms instantly and most importantly, the gasp made you pull your lips off of his.

You had kissed him. You had been celebrating the win and you had been a little bit drunk and you leaned in when he did and it just happened so damn fast.

You’d kissed him and his eyes were huge; his lips were hanging open as he looked at you in complete shock.

You had kissed Kyungsoo on the lips … in front of everybody.

Only the One you Love[M]: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8 , part 9

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bananacrunch2 · 6 years ago

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Heart of an Alpha

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9778241

Kyungsoo was a human, adopted and raised by Yifan -- and elder alpha in the EXO pack. Being the only human in a wolf pack meant he was physically weakest, among other things. But when a royal-blooded omega he cares for is up for mating, Kyungsoo needs to find the strength to be the very best he can be to deserve.

NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT CHEERING ON A FIC HERO AS MUCH AS I HAVE WITH THIS.

#exo fic #exo fan fic #exo fanfic #abo #exo abo #a/b/o #exo a/b/o #alpha beta omega dynamics #exo alpha beta omega dynamics #kyungsoo #yifan #chanyeol #junmyeon #Minseok #LuHan

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thinkyoureholy · 6 years ago

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Love Shot [5]

Pairing : Do Kyungsoo / [Fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Detective! AU, Mafia! AU

Words : 2.2k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

-Y/N's P.O.V-

I couldn’t help the laugh that slipped from my lips at watching him slip on the wet floor. He had good enough reflexes to catch himself before he fell to the ground. I tried to keep the laugh from falling from my lips, I really did try to spare him the embarrassment but I couldn’t. I grinned cheekily at the glare he gave me, laughing as he struggled to walk through the wet floor. By the time he reached me I had doubled over in laughter, holding onto my stomach.

“Ha ha very funny.” He said, giving me a nuggee with his knuckles.

“You should’ve seen your face…” I said through my laughter.

“Honestly why are we even friends? All you do is bully me.” He said with a pout.

I grinned, reaching over to pinch his cheeks in my hands, “Oh yeah bully huh? S’how I show my love.”

He scoffed, swatting my hands away, trying to stop the smile from spreading across his face, “Love huh? I must be one lucky man then to be loved this much. I’m touched, really.”

With that he walked away. I stared after him, grin still on my face. After a moment I ran over to him, slinging an arm over his shoulder and bringing him closer, “You should be honored to have a best friend like me.”

“Oh yeah I’m feeling really honored right about now.” He said sarcastically, a smile now on his face.

I rolled my eyes, now hooking my arm with his as we walked. Something about being around him made the shitty day I was having worthwhile if I got to see his smile by the end of the day. I’d never tell him but he was the light I had been searching for. To have fallen for my best friend was the most cliche thing in the book but when it was a best friend as great as him it was hard not falling for him. Without him I don’t even know where I’d be. I had always believed I didn’t need to rely on others to be happy, that I had to find that happiness myself. And I did find it, it just happened to be with him.

I smiled softly to myself as I watched him go up to the plate. This has become sort of like a tradition for the two of us. We’d make Sunday a day just for the two of us. Even though we’d see each other pretty often during the week this was a day specifically just for us without any distractions. We’d go somewhere different every Sunday and today he had the idea of coming to the batting cages.

I leaned against the outer fence, watching him as he got ready. I’m not gonna lie I was totally checking him out but with his back to me I was free to do so without having to worry about getting caught. But he had this weird sixth sense about things.

“Stop looking at my ass Y/N.” He said, not even bothering to look over his shoulder as the first ball came at him.

The sound of the metal bat hitting the baseball rang in my ears, a blush rising to my cheeks as I looked away but being as cheeky as I am I didn’t stay quiet.

“I can’t help it. Those pants do wonders for your ass.”

I heard his bat swing through the air, the baseball hitting the fence that separated the two of us. I looked over to see that he had missed, the hold he had on the bat tightened. I could see how red his ears had gotten, a mischievous smile spreading across my face.

“And that shirt? Why’d you have to tuck it in, you know how well that compliments your waist? I had to hold myself back when you came to pick me up or else I would’ve jumped on you.”

Miss.

“Also have I told you you look sexy with your hair pushed back? Because you look sexy with your hair pushed back.”

Miss.

“Ugh and those shoulders don’t even get me started. They’re so broad. Perfect for holding onto when I ride-”

I cut myself as I watched his bat go flying across the closed off area, hitting the back fence. I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. To know I had him like this had butterflies flying around my stomach. The blush that rose up his face was enough for me to know that I really caught him off guard and flustered him. The smile I had on my face completely vanished at seeing the serious look on his face as he walked out of the cage once he had recovered his bat. He said nothing as he walked passed me, a frown on his face.

“Wait c’mon don’t be like that I was only kidding!” I yelled after him, trying to laugh it off.

“Yeah well you took it a little too far. I don’t mess around when it comes to things like that,” He said having stopped but kept his back to me, “For years I’ve been nothing but an afterthought for you. You say things like that and I know you don’t really mean them but that’s what hurts the most.”

He paused for a second before turning on his heel, the look in his eyes killing me, “You don’t know how much I want you to mean those words. For years I’ve been standing on the side lines and for years I hoped you’d see me the same way I see you. But I kept quiet because I didn’t want to lose you. Even if I had to keep you as only a friend, even if I had to keep my feelings quiet I-”

I cut him off as I marched over to him, reaching out to grab his shirt in my hand roughly and pulled him to me. I shut him up by placing my lips over his. I felt him tense up but he recovered quickly, his hands placing themselves on my hips and pulling me closer to him as he kissed me back. I felt him smile into the kiss before I pulled away.

“You talk too much Kim Junseo.”

“Junseo…”

I opened my eyes, blinking slowly. The sound of the machine next to me was the only thing I could hear. I felt a weight on my left arm making me more confused than I really was. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the light but when they did I could see that I was in a hospital room. Now that my ears also had time to adjust I could hear the rain from outside hitting the windows harshly.

Why am I here?

I thought this to myself as I went to get up, immediately regretting it. The pain that spread across my abdomen was enough to get me to lay back down immediately. I winced at the pain, breathing heavily and fogging up the mask I had over my face. With the pain came back all the memories. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them again. I looked down to see the weight I had felt on my left arm was Chanyeol's head. I couldn't help but smile softly to myself. I felt sorry for worrying him. I went to reach over to wake him up but stopped when I felt something vibrating on the bed. I looked at his phone sitting next to him before grabbing it. The name displayed brought a smile to my face and I answered without thinking.

“Chan how is she? It's been almost a week don't you think she should be awake by now?”

“Soo…”

There was a pause on his end before I heard a sharp intake of breath, “Y/N...you’re awake,” He said, his voice barely above a whisper, “What took you so long?”

I let out a breathy laugh, feeling the tears in my eyes, “My brain decided to take me down memory lane.”

“What?”

I sighed out heavily before shaking my head even though I knew he couldn’t see me, “Nothing. It’s nothing. So I’ve been out for a week huh?”

“Yeah...you scared the shit out of me Y/N. What the hell were you thinking going against Sooyoung without your vest. Do you have a death wish or something?” He scolded me, his tone harsh.

I thought back to what Chanyeol yelled at me that day, frowning at Kyungsoo’s words, “It’s nice to know you have that little faith in my skills.”

“Y/N...that’s--that’s not what I meant I-”

I sighed heavily, closing my eyes and feeling a tear slide down the side of my face, “I know...it’s just...while I was out I remembered something I’ve been trying to desperately to push away for the sake of my sanity.”

Kyungsoo stayed quiet, hoping I’d continue but I didn’t, I never did. I had always come close to telling Kyungsoo about what happened with Junseo but I couldn’t bring myself to. It had been five years since and the topic of Junseo was still a sensitive one for me. But Kyungsoo never pushed the subject. He knew just by how little I talked about it how painful the memory was for me and for his understanding I was eternally grateful.

“Y/N…?”

I stayed quiet, trying to get the tears to stop flowing but they just came stronger as I thought more about him. If only I had left his home earlier that day we wouldn’t have had to walk me home. If he didn’t have to walk me home then he wouldn’t have had to walk back home on his own and then he wouldn’t have- I cut my thoughts off as a sob managed to crawl it’s way up my throat. I bit down on my bottom lip to muffle my cries but he heard me nonetheless. I could tell he wanted to say something but he didn’t know what to say.

“Soo...I need you here...please…”I said in a whisper, not trusting my voice.

There was silence on his end before he spoke up, “Give me a few minutes Y/N.”

-Kyungsoo’s P.O.V-

I hung up the phone and pulled it away from my ear, staring down at it in my hand. My fingers tightened around it as I clenched my jaw. I cursed under my breath before marching over to his office. I saw Minseok and Jongdae on the way their, ignoring their calls. Just as I was about to open the door of his office someone grabbed my hand. I followed the arm the hand belonged to, glaring at Baekhyun.

“Get your hands off me Byun.”

“Boss isn’t here Soo.”

My eyes widened at his words as I opened the door to confirm his words. He was right he wasn’t here but I never saw him leave. Where would he go off to in the middle of the-

“No.” I said to myself in a low voice, realizing where exactly he went off to.

-Y/N’s P.O.V-

“Why the hell are you crying for? It’s not like you’re the one that took a knife to the gut and almost died.” I said with a grin, Chanyeol clinging to me from the very moment he woke up.

He cried dramatically into my shoulder, his arms pining my own to my sides, “I thought I wouldn’t be able to tell you how ugly you look anymore!”

I looked up at the ceiling blankly, the smile having left my face, “I’m starting to think God should’ve taken me. That way I don’t have to suffer with your dumbass anymore.”

He pulled back, a pout on his face a he wiped away at the tears. I was surprised to see real and genuine tears cascading down his face, my own face softening up, “I’m sorry...for worrying you. I won’t do it again I promise.”

“You damn right you won’t do it again. You’re not leaving my sight ever again. I don’t care if you want me on another team I’m sticking to you like glue from now on,” He said this in a stern voice, the look in his eyes serious...but only for a moment, “Beside Kyungsoo would have my head if anything else happened to you.”

I rolled my eyes at his words, about to say something back but those words were trapped in my throat at what happened next. There was a knock on the door before someone entered and I expected it to be Kyungsoo, not the man that walked in instead. My eyes widened at seeing the man that entered. His face was a face I hadn’t seen in years, a face I never thought I’d see ever again. He smirked as he walked closer, my eyes following his every move. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing but I knew it was impossible. As he stood before me I couldn’t help but let his name fall from my lips, in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Junseo.”

At the sound of the name he tensed up, a fire burning in his eyes as he clenched his hands at his sides in what seemed like anger, “I’d do anything to switch places with Seo but no, unfortunately for you I’m not him. I’m his older brother Junmyeon, Kim Junmyeon.”

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