#kyungsoo fics

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Rat Bastard - Part 1

Pairing: You x Kyungsoo

Rating: M (Mature)

Word Count: 7700

Warnings/Tropes: Strong Language, There were too many beds, Enemies to Lovers

Links: Part 1, Part 2

You were due for some good.

Genuinely and honestly you could feel it. You were due for something good to happen to you. So much lately had been so very bad. This kind of bad luck seemed defy all the odds. Surely, surely this impressive streak of the universe opening its big cavernous mouth and vomiting all over your head could not, absolutely should not keep going. You were due. Something good. Anything good. For the love of God, it wasn’t as if you were a bad person. It wasn’t as if you routinely bet on dog fights and stole money from the big charity jar for the sick kids next to the register. You’d never ever, not once in your life even so much as looked at a dog or a kid funny. You never raised your voice or lost your temper. You didn’t yell at service workers. You didn’t deserve the cataclysm of shit that had been flung your way and even if, okay maybe… maybe once or twice you’d told a white lie, it was only to spare someone’s feelings. Maybe you’d stolen a piece of candy from a corner store as an ignorant child. Maybe you stepped on an ant or a fly or a spider but you swear none of it had been on purpose. You weren’t a bad person, not in the way that those bad people who get punished by the universe are punished, that wasn’t you. This shit storm had to end soon. It just had to.

You had been repeating this to yourself during the entire flight. During the entire, eerily empty flight with the single flight attendant who occasionally looked up and smiled at you when you made eye contact and uttered out a sweet, “you alright, hon?” When your own smile dipped just a little too far as the turbulence grew to what you were sure had to be abnormal levels.

The plane was one of those tiny propeller planes. The kind that had a whopping nine seats total and what every creak and groan of its rusted out nuts and bolts barely holding the thing together as it fought through the high winds outside and sent shivers down your spine.

What if this was it? What if that pilot had flown this thing right smack over the Bermuda Triangle and your rotten shit ass luck sent the three of you down into a watery grave nestled up beside Amelia Earhart and her tangled barnacle covered wreckage at the bottom of the sea.

No.

No, you were due for something good.

“Is it normally this loud?” You shouted across the tiny airplane cabin but the lone flight attendant had her head turned as she peered through the open cockpit door. She didn’t hear your question and offered you no reassurances as she stood up, straightened her uniform, a tasteful pantsuit, and disappeared through the open doorway

“Fasten your seatbelt and prepare for landing, Hon,” she popped her head back out for the quick announcement and disappeared through the space again, leaving you completely alone to contemplate your own mortality and what you hoped would be a swift end. It felt impossible. You hadn’t even been able to see land from outside your window. It had been endless ocean for hours now. Maybe you wouldn’t even feel the impact. Maybe the adrenaline dump would protect your dying mind and body from the pain that came from with a water impact. Your knuckles were bright white as you gripped your armrests and you remembered that one episode of MythBusters that said the best position for a plane crash was with your body bent in two and your head tucked down between your legs.

The plane was shaking terribly. It was rattling and screeching. You were clenching down so hard on your teeth you half wondered if you might knock a few of them loose. You were praying to yourself with your eyes squeezed up tight and you wrapped your arms tightly around your thighs doing your best to hold yourself together even if this plane fell apart around you. There was a boom. You hoped you wouldn’t pee your pants but thought you might be justified if you did. The search and rescue team would understand as the collected your remains.

The roaring and trembling of this world around you creaked and moaned and swayed and eventually you could feel the change of speed deep inside your chest as everything, every groan and strain and clench came to a stop with a dramatic throwback on the landing that jostled your body and made you feel positively seasick.

The plane had stopped.

You were not dead.

“Ladies and Gent—” The pilot's voice broke through the tiny speaker over your head. You pulled your sweaty head up from your lap and looked through the still open cabin door as the man speaking paused for a moment to consider his words, “uhh…just lady, we welcome you to La Malinche Island. The temperature is a damp and balmy 89 degrees Fahrenheit and dropping as the winds pick up. Not sure what possessed you to fly to a tiny island in the Caribbean right before a hurricane hit but Barracuda Air does not want to know your business. We only care about our promise to you. Our promise of course, at Barracuda Air, with a … 0% flight cancellation rate, not counting that one incident with Jerry — be it rain or snow or sleet or hail, Barracuda Air does not care. Barracuda Air will get you there. Welcome to La Malinche. We hope you like 150 mile-per-hour winds and torrential rain.”

Hurricane? Is that was the roaring and terrifying shaking has been about? A goddamned hurricane?!

You’d checked the weather last week. There was zero mention of a hurricane. You pulled your cell phone out of your back pack and turned off airplane mode and you watched the cell service signal in the upper right hand corner spin and spin. It eventually gave up and gave you the saddest little no signal sign and you toggled airplane mode on and off again with the same terrible result.

But…but…

You were due.

“Thank you for flying Barracuda Air.” Your flight attendant was standing near the exit at the front of the plane; her voice just loud enough for you to hear it; her smile just wide enough for you to get the message.

You tried your phone one more time, this time turning the whole thing off and turning it on again while holding it up high above your head to be able to catch the signal better. You just needed a minute for it to come back on. You only needed one bar, one bar would be enough.

“Thank you for flying Barracuda Air.” This time her voice was closer. She was standing at your row now, her voice betrayed none of the urgency implied with the repetition. Her smile was still believable enough.

You looked down at the useless paperweight in your hands and outside of the window on the tarmac below, you watched the lone airport employee wheeling your checked bag away from the airplane. The wind whipped his rain jacket around his body fiercely in all directions and you swallowed down the very real sense of dread that was beginning to fill your stomach.

This was supposed to be a vacation. This was supposed to be paradise. It had been advertised as such in the brochure. The single’s retreat at the five star resort where only other eligible global singles of extremely high caliber would attend. The probably very expensive luxury retreat that was a gift from your very best friend in the entire world, Clare, who sold you on the idea that here — here you would surely find your soulmate. One that would be as delighted to meet you and you were to meet them.

Here you would be the most beautiful and captivating woman any of these sad, but not clinically; lonely, but not in a creepy way; brooding but not in a mean way; hurt and broken but not broken in some way that some sweet woman’s attention couldn’t fix — you’d be the most womanly woman any of these manly men had ever seen!

Definitely not the kind of man that still lived with an overbearing mother, but one who still loved his mother very much, but maybe lived far enough away from her that he didn’t have to listen to everything she told him anymore. Hell, maybe you’d get lucky and land a man with a dead mother. No, no, no. No need to be greedy.

But the kind of man — no, the kind of men who were very, very attractive.

They were going to be tall with clean skin and clean teeth and they’d be successful, but not too successful. They were smart, but not annoyingly so. Oh! And charming! But most importantly, they were men who would find you to be absolutely irresistible. These men were supposed to be waiting for you. They were going to be beside themselves when they got a load of you. They were going to flirt with you and call you sweetheart or darling with a southern drawl or and they would buy you drinks and feed you cheesy lines about how they’d never before seen a woman that held galaxies inside of her eyes like yours did.

“Ma’am,” a voice called to you, sharper than before, “you need to get off the plane. The airport is closing because of the storm. You can't stay here.”

You hadn’t even unbuckled your seat belt yet.

God forbid they give you a damn minute.

It was a disaster.

You quickly gathered all of your belongings. The flight attendant had pulled your carry-on bag down from the overhead bin and her smile had long since vanished as she held it out for you to take and get the hell off her plane already. You grabbed the handle, no longer grateful for her help. No longer thankful for the small bag of peanuts she’d fed you earlier or the two cans of soda she’d handed you hours ago. She was ushering you down the aisle, through the exit door, and had watched you navigate the scary stairs until you plopped your two feet right down into the cement of the tarmac belonging to the smallest airport you had ever visited in your entire life.

The wind came at you in waves. One second you were sure this whole hurricane thing had been exaggerated and the next your hair was taken and spun around your head, whipped into some sort of frenzied do as strands hit your cheeks like tiny, stinging whips. You did your best to grab ahold of it with one hand but lost your cardigan in the process. It flew a few feet and landed on the floor in a brown puddle of water beside the door with a hand-printed arrow directing you to open it for Baggage Claim.

You were an adult. You had been a responsible, self-sufficient adult for some years now. You had found yourself in situations that required you to navigate this cold cruel world by yourself before but as you reached down and picked up your sweater and watched the muck drip in slow, fat, thick drops from the once pristine knit fabric, you suddenly felt more alone than you’d ever felt in your entire life.

Behind you, far beyond this mystery puddle, the only one in this entire dry concrete hell; somewhere on that small runway you heard the Barracuda revving its engines for take off.

Maybe you weren’t due for anything good to happen in your life ever again. Maybe it was just going to be shit from now on.

Had you somehow brought all of this on yourself? Maybe it had been the bad thoughts you’d had. The ill wishes you’d genuinely hoped to fall on those who had done you dirty in your life. Your recent ex-boss, you’d hoped and prayed would face a bout of public uncontrollable diarrhea. Your ex-coworker who’d stolen work from you, lied about you and sabotaged you and who you believed led to you being fired, you hoped she would be hit by a city bus, not enough to kill her but you hoped at least three bones would be broken.

The ex boyfriend who cheated on you with your ex friend, you hoped the both of them would sail off into the sunset and be lost as sea, eaten by a whale or something scarier with suckers and sharp teeth.

And most recently, that friend of a friend, that charming, sweet, funny, and handsome man who would be absolutely perfect for you, according to Claire who set you both up — the blind date who not only stood you up, leaving you to wait for him for a whole hour at the fancy ass restaurant, but also, in some wacky attempt to tarnish your good name told all of your friends that you were in fact the one who flaked on the date. You could not imagine why he couldn’t have just come clean. Well you weren’t going to let him win. He was trying to play the victim when in fact you had been the loser who was stood up. You denied it earnestly. He maintained his lie and you both had been stuck in a bitter stalemate ever since. Any gathering of friends where he was scheduled to be there, you refused to attend. You heard through various sources that he had a similar reaction to the threat of your presence and this only fanned the flames even hotter. Any time his name was uttered in pleasant company you rolled your eyes and made snide remarks under your breath. Doh Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Chef Doh. Decorated and celebrated private chef, a genius with a knife and a frying pan. You wanted to vomit.

After a while the fight moved from only inside your own head to the real world. He would leave sarcastic replies to some of the things you said to your friends. Things you told them with love and respect would get a passive aggressive laughing reaction from him or some sort of contrary comment right below yours. You both evolved into taking little snips at each other in the comments of your mutual friends' social media posts and like the good friends they were, everyone of them politely ignored it.

Just, how dare he? There was nothing worse than men who lie. You hoped at the time that he would be exposed for the fake and liar that he was, although now as you wandered through this empty airport this punishment seemed not enough for your shitty mood. In this moment you hoped and prayed that he would have been the one trapped on a deserted island with a hurricane bearing down over his head. Even his name and profile picture filled you with an irrational rage. That sweet and innocent looking, fake ass motherf—

Wait.

Wait one goddamn minute.

Your forward movement abruptly stopped and you stood with your luggage in your hand on the sidewalk of an empty and deserted airport with no cell reception and no idea how to get to the hotel.

Wasn’t all this doom to my enemies wishing how you got yourself cursed by the universe? Was all of this really your own doing?

You took a step, trying to remember if the hotel was situated within walking distance of the airport. Trying to recall it was to the west or to the east or if maybe it was to the south.

This was a tiny island. Maybe it wasn’t that far. Maybe if you wandered around town someone might point you in the right direction and you wouldn’t be mugged or mudered.

You closed your eyes for a split second and smelled something crisp and funny in the air. You could feel the hairs on your arm standing on end and a feeling of panic surged through you as the first fat raindrops began to fall from the sky at the same time as an ear deafening boom sounded out over your head. It was so loud it shook the roof over your head.

You screamed and covered your head, taking several big steps back and away from the empty parking lot where the blinding flash of lightning must have struck.

There was a gross taste inside of your mouth. Your rational brain attributed it to the close lightning strike but you knew deep down what that taste really was.

It tasted like you might be about to make a deal with the devil. You shouted right out loud into the air above your head, “Doh Kyungsoo is great! I misunderstood him! He is a prime example of a man and a genuinely good person! I hope his pillow is always cold and his toast is never burnt!”

You knew it was silly. You were a silly lady.

Of course it was silly.

It wasn’t as if the skies would magically clear, the whipping winds would calm and five taxis would drive up each more eager than the last to drive you to your luxury resort for free.

You did hear something new and unexpected though. Something that had you spinning around to investigate.

There was a man standing behind you. He wore a clean crisp suit and a very wide and bright inviting smile on his face. He had cleared his throat. This respectable gentleman clearly had something to say to you.

“Yes?”

His smile widened with your acknowledgement, “Hello. My name is Mr. Chen. I’m the Concierge with Shifting Sands Resort, are you by chance Miss—” his eyebrows lifted and he extended a hand, palm up, the beginnings of your name formed on his lips.

“Oh my God, yes. I am her. She is me. Oh, thank you, thank you!”

His smile deepened and his eyes turned up into little moons on his pretty face and the relief that surged through you was complete and instantaneous.

“Might I take your bags, Miss?”

Was this man your savior? Would he have come to your rescue all along? Or was Doh Kyungsoo your karmic stabilizer?

You were loaded up and buckled in and well on your jolly way to your promised paradise of pampering and relaxation. Dare you wish for a handsome man or two desperately waiting to make your acquaintance?

Maybe you’d even settle for just one. One handsome and suave proper gentleman to spend the week with; to wine and dine with; to sweep you off your feet. Surely this entire trip wouldn’t be a complete waste. Surely you hadn’t dug yourself down that far deep yet.

Your driver had been maneuvering the big comfy van in silence up until now but you caught his kind eyes glance back at you in the rear view.

“Mr. Chen, please tell me some other people have showed up for this singles retreat.”

His eyes held on to yours for only a few seconds and his lips were pursing together in more thought than you figured was necessary.

“Ummm…” his voice trailed, “well…actually…”

His eyes drifted away from yours under the guise of watching the non existent traffic on this scenic road that, had it not started raining, might have been a beautiful drive.

You weren’t sure what kind of sacrifices the universe demanded. You wanted just one. You didn’t even ask for much, just another living breathing human male who was the complete opposite of that slimey, slandering, thought he was slicker than a bowl of shit, Doh Kyungsoo.

The car screeched to a halt and your seatbelt caught and firmly locked you into place, digging hard enough into your neck to leave a mark. The rain outside pelted the roof of the van, much harder now and Mr. Chen seemed to be breathing quite hard as he tripped the steering wheel tightly enough to turn his knuckles white.

“Miss, are you alright? I am sorry, this road is blocked. We will need to take another way around.”

Jesus. The near kiss with death had you gripping your seat very tightly and you closed your eyes.

That…that…ass— as lovely on the inside as on the outside, Doh Kyungsoo.

That saintly and angelic man.

That accurate and symmetrical and pragmatic and punctual, Doh Kyungsoo.

You could feel yourself running out of adjectives. What is the opposite of a rat bastard?

That legitimate, law-abiding, insured, and licensed to drive, Doh—

“Ahh, what were you asking? Other guests? Yes miss, of course. The singles retreat — well, we don’t have nearly the crowd we expected but there is at least one other guest who you should find most agreeable. He is very handsome and charming. All of the other staff members are positively enraptured by him already. Especially the ladies, but I have to admit I myself felt a bit of a flutter when he caught me in those big brown eyes of his.”

It worked. It fucking worked.

Son of a bi — son of a w-wise and gentle lady probably — what the hell did you know about his mother? She raised a f-fine excuse for a son, that much you knew. A real piece of work— err — art! A piece of art. A real, honest to god, adult male human being. You really needed to get that man out of your head. You could actually feel the first real dangerous slips into madness the more his name and his profile picture danced through your head.

You closed your eyes tight and you tried your absolute best to think about someone else. Anyone else. The mystery man who you were about to meet. The tall, dark, handsome, sweet and successful man who would sweep you off your feet the moment you met him.

The alternate route to the resort was down right pleasant. It was scenic and beautiful and you looked out the window as you drove the long way around, the very deserted road that took you along the breathtaking coastline. You continued the almost ritualistic positive compliments in your head Mr. Chen was chock full of his own compliments for the handsome and admirable guest who was to be your only other companion during this week’s retreat.

You were fine with that. Even if it didn’t turn into love — by the sounds of him and based on how Mr. Chen absolutely raved, you were sure the two of you would get along quite well and maybe even become good friends once this whole thing was over.

The fancy resort was as lovely and beautiful as the brochures had promised, yet your chest felt tight with apprehension. Something was wrong. There was nobody here. Mr. Chen profusely apologized for the shortness of staff due to the incoming storm which from the sounds of the serious news reports you could hear playing on the overhead television in the empty lobby, was already wrecking a neighboring island. The huge and scary category 4 hurricane which threatened to turn into a category 5 at any moment now and who’s outer bands were already knocking trees down outside and whipping rain fiercely against the windows. This wasn’t even the real storm and the wind and sheets of water hitting the window outside sounded so scary. It even sounded as if the building itself was moaning under the pressure of the wind outside. The longer you stood in this enormous and astonishingly empty building, it was becoming more and more evident that maybe you shouldn’t be here at all. Here you stood, your presence alone putting these people in danger. You, the only insane person who stubbornly refused to accept the reality of this storm. Not only would not be the relaxing and love connecting vacation you had been preparing for, but what if something really bad happened to you here? What if you died on this island? Fuck love, fuck men, fuck that man, Doh Kyungsoo in particular — what if you actually died here?

There seemed to be some sort of serious whispered discussion taking place between Mr. Chen and two other uniformed employees of the resort.

You weren’t being checked into your room. In fact, you still had your own bag in your hand and there wasn’t some moist young whippersnapper scooping your bags up to lead you to your room so you could snack on strawberries and cream and sip on champagne.

Someone made eye contact with you. There was a small regretful smile on her face and you caught the deep chest filling breath Mr. Chen took as he looked away from your curious face. It took him a moment of looking away before he exhaled, closed his eyes briefly to collect himself and the same rueful smile took over his face when he turned to come to you, taking several large steps to return to your side, he looked up into your face and carefully began to speak to you. His voice sounded grave and serious.

“Miss, I am,” he lifted a hand and laid his palm over his chest, “extremely, terribly sorry.” His eyes were sad, his eyebrows curved his face into a grimace, “I have received some bad news. The resort will have to close. We have lost power to all of the guest rooms. The ballroom was flooded, as it was closest to the ocean. The kitchens are down. It seems we are in an emergency situation due to the storm.”

This felt like a bad dream. Maybe you had fallen asleep on the plane and when you woke up it would be a bright sunny day in paradise like you’d been promised.

“We will all need to leave. The other guests have already been moved. I’m so sorry, Miss, of course the entirety of the cost of the stay will be refunded. We are prepared to offer a free week’s stay at any of our resorts for you and a guest to use at a time of your choosing. But right now we must go. The roads are beginning to flood and we can only go to the shelter at the highest point on the island. We have to move quickly before the storm surge.”

“Storm surge?” You could feel the panic and upset building inside of you. “Sh-shelter?” You knew it was evident in your voice. “The other guests were moved?” You looked outside the window. Anyone with any sense at all knew there was very real danger happening out there.

“Other guest. Sorry, there is only the one guest. I apologize but you both will need to bunk together in the barracks. The generators should last throughout the storm. There is no other place to go.” Mr. Chen was talking but you felt dazed. You were ushered into a different vehicle and the other staff members climbed in beside you. Mr. Chen was still talking about the place where you were being taken. Something about a room full of bunks, used during some historical war between two countries that didn’t exist anymore. Something about the man, the only other single from this god forsaken Singles Retreat. He was to be your bunk-mate. He, a complete stranger, was supposed to share the very large and spacious barracks with you. There would be ample space for you to spread out, as the space was designed for armies of 20 soldiers or more, but you were not to fear because Mr. Chen and his staff would be right next door should either of you need any assistance.

The road up the hill was bumpy and hectic. This vehicle was obviously well equipped to handle the rough trip, but you still found yourself jostled around, feeling seasick with the swaying back and forth and big bumps the wheels traveled over.

You began to think you might not make it. The queasiness from the ride had you closing your eyes and trying to breathe through it. Begging and pleading that you would not be sick inside this vehicle. You took deep steadying breaths through your nose, exhaling through your mouth, willing your overly sensitive stomach to calm down. The big truck soon began to slow and eventually crawled to a stop.

“I — I need to get out,” you mumbled just under your breath, unbuckling the seat belt and pushing yourself toward the door. You reached for it and pulled the handle, kicking hard with your feet. The rain was falling hard outside and you leaned over, breathing deeply as the raindrops quickly soaked your entire head.

You couldn’t meet him yet. Not like this. Not schrodinger's man of your dreams. Not fighting nausea while looking exactly like a drowned rat as you were babied by some kind hotel worker who probably shouldn’t be getting wet in the rain like this.

The cooling effects of the rain helped to calm the nausea and you felt a hand at your shoulder a moment before the deluge of rain falling over your head stopped. Someone had placed an umbrella over you. Someone was leaning into you; the staff woman from the hotel was talking to you.

“Miss, are you alright?” She rubbed a comforting warm palm over your back between your shoulder blades in slow and careful circles. You opened your eyes, noticing first the soft swell of what had to be a baby in her belly before you looked into her concerned face. She looked to be pretty far along too. She was probably due any week now. Her name tag said Sara and she had kind eyes.

You forced your shoulders back and pushed a smile upon your face. You worked for it and did your best to straighten out the expression on your face, gripping the stick of the umbrella and angling it so it covered more of her body. You’d be damned if you gave some expecting mother pneumonia just because you’d always had an overly sensitive stomach and the Barracuda Air pretzels were sitting funny.

“I’m okay. Just got a little carsick but it’s passed now that I’m out of the car. Let’s hurry inside before we get too wet.”

Your belongings were already rushed inside the drab, depressing, tan colored cement walled building that was to be your shelter for the next week or so and you rushed inside quickly with Sara stepping inside right behind you.

There was a click of the big heavy doors and aside from the two small windows next to the door, there wasn’t much in here for natural lighting. There was a musty smell in here and a thick layer of dust over most of the surfaces.

“I really am sorry that things have ended up this way, Miss.” Sarah waved hand back and forth in front of her face, waving away some of the dust in the air. She didn’t pause for long enough for you to absolve her of any guilt related to this messed up situation before she was speaking again, this time stepping further inside the space. There was a hallway up ahead that she turned into.

“If you could follow me, I’ll show you the room with the bunks and introduce you to Mr. Doh, our other guest. We changed all of the bedding so it’s clean and the space really is quite big.”

She was walking away from you as she kept taking. You felt a strange tickle along your scalp. A raindrop rolled down the back of your head, tickling its way down inside of your hair.

Did she say Mr. Doh? That same dream-like feeling that had been haunting you ever since you’d stepped off of that airplane returned.

Sara was turning a door handle and she had both of her hands pressing on a door.

“I’m sorry, what did you say his name is?”

“I’ll introduce you,” she smiled widely and leaned her head in closer to you as she dropped her voice, “He’s not that tall but he’s so, so, so handsome. He’s funny and witty too. I’m sure you’ll get along.” She said this last part with a genuine giggle of excitement. “I am just so excited!” She squealed. The eagerness in her face had a feeling of dread building inside of your belly. That stubborn queasiness you’d felt before returned.

The room was empty. Of course it was empty. Bunk beds lined each wall and a center aisle just wide enough for a person to pass through single file separated the rows of bunks and on one of the beds, the one closest to the door sat a black travel bag. A dripping rain jacket was hung over the metal frame of the upper bunk and whoever owned these items was not around.

“Oh, he was…just here…” Sara was spinning around, reacting to a sound, the sound of a door opening and your eyes followed to catch the movement of a person, a human, a man as he emerged from what you imagine was a bathroom. His head covered with a small white towel and a tanned arm rubbed swiftly over his straight black hair. On his torso, he wore only a simple white t-shirt and the fabric was too thin. The rain shower he’d been caught in made the shirt nearly transparent.

It only took a moment.

You knew what was going on.

It took less than a second for your eyes to touch deep inside of his big round brown eyes and you knew in an instant; you knew exactly who this Mr. Doh was, this esteemed and honored guest of the Shifting Sands Resort, you knew who he was and you knew exactly what this was — this man who stood in front of you; this man who was not very tall but so, so, so, and yes she was right, so handsome — because he was very handsome; even you could admit that, of course he was.

You wouldn’t have agreed to that idiotic blind date with him in the first place if you hadn’t found him to be incredibly attractive, with his clean skin, soft as hell full lips, achingly deep brown and oh so judgemental eyes, sexy and strong back, bulging arm muscles; his goddamned smart ass comments, and annoying as shit filthy lies that he told to tarnish your reputation with at least four good friends — this man who dropped the towel slowly as his eyes looked into your own stunned ones, this was that man; the one and only, Doh Kyungsoo.

You knew exactly who he was. The rat bastard, Doh Kyungsoo and you knew exactly what this situation was.

You were dead.

You had died in that airplane; gone down in the Caribbean Sea with the rest of the Barracuda Air flight and cabin crew.

You were dead and this was hell.

If your face betrayed the shock you felt right now, Sara didn’t notice. She must not have been paying any attention to you at all. She simply giggled as she gave her sweet introduction of you, raising a hand out palm up as she called out your name and recited some lame facts about you and what kind of man you were looking for in a relationship. Facts that you’d haphazardly typed out during the registration process for this Singles Retreat from hell, she said them all with a wide smile and a small silent clap of excitement as she got the words out.

Sara recited from memory, straight from your own mindless words, “Her ideal man is someone who is funny and witty. Someone who is just the perfect height for plenty of eye contact — and of course a man smells nice and is handsome.” Her hand motioned over and around his pretty face as if she simply could not help herself.

His eyes were wide with just as much genuine surprise in them as you had in yours.

Sara continued her introductions, bringing that palm right back around in front of his chest, at an even level with the nipples you could just make out through the sheer fabric of the wet t-shirt, and she proudly declared, “this is Doh Kyungsoo. His ideal woman is someone who’s as kind as she is honest and trustworthy. She is someone with an iron stomach who isn’t afraid to try new foods and explore new adventures with him.”

You felt too stunned to move. There was no way this was really happening. You felt the room spinning and it reminded you a lot of sitting with your head down between your knees as that airplane fell out of the sky. The same feeling as bouncing around the back seat of that off road truck that brought you up this hill to this bunker out of the immediate threat of the hurricane that blasted outside and into the waiting arms of a much more agonizing threat.

Sara had finished her introductions. Neither of you moved.

He was the first to break the silence.

“What the hell are you doing here?” His question was blunt. He hadn’t bothered with appearances or with how abrupt and callous his question was, or with how full of disgust that expression on his face might appear to Sara.

He never once considered just how far down her shoulders might deflate to have the cold hard truth splashed in her face. That not only did not you check a single one of his boxes, but you might very well be the last woman on this entire earth that he might fall in love with.

That he’d rather sneak out the back door after catching a glimpse of you waiting for him, all gussied up with your cheap drug store makeup and little black dress from the clearance racks at Target — a specimen so far below his level that he couldn’t even spare you the humiliation of faking a smile all the way to dessert before ghosting you the next day; instead he’d rather leave you stranded and embarrassed. Having to foot the bill yourself for your three glasses of white wine and no entree. Having to suffer through the pitiful glances of the waitstaff as they took turns asking if you were “still waiting for someone,” all the while knowing you’d been abandoned and publicly marked as unlovable.

“Me?!” You were too blindsided for tact. Your indignation at his bluntness filled you with just as many questions as he must have had in that pretty, stupid head of his.

“Why you?”

Once the first question was out, the second came out with gusto. He balked and his eyebrows furrowed. His fist clenched around the towel he was holding. You reached down deep within your diaphragm and the words came out too loudly.

You couldn't help the anger you felt. This was supposed to be your Prince Charming. This was supposed to be paradise. You opened your mouth and you let it fly. The frustrations from the trip so far, from the sham of a blind date, from being so unethically and undeservedly fired from your job, that fucking hurricane outside that stole the 5-star resort from under your feet and plopped you down inside this musty concrete prison from the 1940s and the words came out of you as if you threw them hard right into the eye of that hurricane outside.

“Why is it you?! Why are you the Mr. Doh that she is introducing me to?!”

“Because that is my name!!” His voice level rose higher and you actually flinched at the sudden volume he used. This motherfucker. How dare he shout at you. And in front of Sara. The poor girl took two steps away from the both of you and covered her belly with both of her arms.

“Why are you yelling?!” You took a step into him and shouted right back, right into his face. You needed answers for his awful behavior. He did not retreat. You could smell the light cologne he wore from this close.

“Because you yelled at me first!!”

His clenched fist gripping the towel tight was lifted, his eyes were wide, and his voice had so much more power than yours ever could that you nearly cowered. You almost backed down and backed off. Almost. He was clearly just as stubborn as you were.

Also the words he said took only one second to sink in and your next bit of anger got caught inside of your throat, refusing to come out.

Damn. He was right. You did yell first. It was you who did it first.

You’d just been so caught up in your awful mood that seeing him standing in here, knowing that what this man already knows about you would basically ruin your chances of finding any other man here to trick into falling madly in love with you. What if he told them all about your messy life. You hadn’t bothered concealing any of your recent failures on social media. You’d obsessively scrolled through his own profiles often enough to know that not only was this man a work-a-holic, but he was a big ol’ nerd. You figured he had done the same with you since some of his recent digs at you in Claire’s comments had been about you being recently liberated from your job. You’d been in his circle for long enough to know plenty about him, you were sure he had all of the dirt on you. You stepped back and away from him. From a normal distance he didn’t smell so damned nice.

“Oh I did, didn’t I?” you said in a much more normal tone, “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Your apology was as abrupt as the yelling had been, but it seemed to have a bigger effect on him. His eyes seemed to grow softer or perhaps just more confused and he blinked rapidly as his focus touched lightly around all edges of your face.

“Sara, not this one,” you pulled your eyes away from his face, not quite finding the conviction to be able to fully look away from him, but your words were at least directed away from him and onto the woman who stood three feet away from you with what you almost thought was a fully enthralled expression on her face.

“Do you have any others?”

Kyungsoo made a sound. It was a scoff mixed with a grunt. It was disgruntled. You pulled your mouth into the sweetest fake smile you could manage and directed all of that sweetness at him.

“I mean the room, of course.”

“Sara, I think I’d also like to switch to another room. This one seems to have something fundamentally wrong with it.” Kyungsoo said without taking his eyes off of your face, “it’s not for me. This place seems undeservingly high maintenance and might even have some nasty pests hidden in the walls. I bet they really come out at night.”

Sara was silent for long enough for you to actually need to look at her. When you did, you smelled trouble. Sara was smiling. It was the kind of smile you got sometimes when you found a great drama to watch and you knew that these two wacky characters were about to thoroughly ruin each other's lives before they fell in love.

Her eyes were bouncing back and forth between you and Kyungsoo and with each pass her smile only widened.

“Sara.” You said in a flat tone. You had seen enough romantic comedies to know what she was thinking. “Sara, no. Not in a million years.”

She was giggling and nodding her head now.

“There are no other rooms.” She said with a voice three octaves higher than normal and she was giggling as she said it. “This is the only room.”

“You can’t even leave because there’s a hurricane outside.” She was outright laughing.

“I have to go tell Mr. Chen everything,” she whispered to herself and she was rushing toward the door, pulling it open with all of her might and vanishing through the opening much faster than you thought a woman in her delicate condition should be allowed to move.

“Sara, I swear to god,” you shouted down the dark hallway that she disappeared down, “Sara!” But she was long gone and behind you the huffing and puffing, very put-out man was grabbing every single bit of his belongings from his bed and moving them all down to the bed at the farthest end of this enormous room, putting himself and his itty bitty towel and his sheer white t shirt with his visible nipples physically as far away from you as possible.

It was actually funny to see him throwing such an obvious fit.

“I can see your nipples through your wet t-shirt, you know.” You said it under your breath but not at all trying to not be heard.

“I’m not the only one in this room with a wet t-shirt, Princess. Between the two of us, your nipples are far more eventful than mine,” he sing-songed back, using as much sarcasm as he could manage with the pejorative he used as a nickname for you.

You gasped covering your chest with both hands — the liar. The damned liar. There was no way. But when you looked down, you could very clearly make out nearly every detail of the entire shape and outline of your breasts, even the dark circles of your nipples in the center stood out. Cold and wet with your precious cardigan long tossed in the trash can back at the airport after it got wet in the puddle and you left with only the sheer bra you stupidly decided to wear under this light pink colored shirt and the hope that maybe, maybe this was one of those countries that didn’t extradite murderers and you might get away with killing him in his sleep tonight.

Links: Part 1, Part 2

[heywart]

੭୧ : Poxa Crush ׄ 🎤 ੭̠ kyungsoo x nayeon

🔍 : ꒰ indisponível para doação ꒱

📌 : ꒰ adotada por oshtape ꒱

🗓 : ꒰ 19 de abr. de 2024 ꒱

[talkingsaxy]

PHOTOS YOU’VE TAKEN OF YOUR BOYFRIEND KYUNGSOO

please don’t repost, requests open!

[xiubaek-13]

Requested: No

Genre: Canon-AU, smut

Pairing: ? (at this stage undecided) x Reader or is it Baekhyun x Reader ?

Warnings: 18+ fic, minors DNI! angst, fluff, suggestive text, making out, confessions of feelings. Not many warnings for this one but she's deeply in her head for a decent portion of this chapter.

Word Count: 22,599

A/N: Here it is. The final chapter. Like most of my writing in the back half of this fic, it was supposed to be considerable shorter but then I let the brain worms control my fingers and now you get this behemoth of an ending. It's only had one very quick edit so I hope it makes sense and isn't a let down.

7 years ago I knew the ending for this fic, but when I was plotting out the chapter that ending simply didn't fit anymore so we've got a new ending and I hope it doesn't let you down.

The flight home left you with a lot of time to think. You had asked Minseok and Baekhyun to let the rest of the guys know about your meeting, telling them that Junmyeon could probably fill in more of the details that you’d left out when you’d broken the news to them. Your mind had been focused on getting to Minseok’s reward at the time, so discussing the feedback you’d received in great detail was not front of mind. 

Feeling overwhelmed with your own thoughts, you’d also asked them to tell everyone that you had requested some space. From them. You just couldn’t handle any of them right now. You’d assured Minseok & Baek when you’d all woken up the next morning that they hadn’t overstepped or done anything, but that your mind was too busy and too much for you right now. The internal storm had been brewing for quite some time but you’d constantly pushed it down, too busy to deal with silly things like the future, feelings and relationships. But once the tour ended and the rewards were completed (inconveniently on the same night) it all came crashing down on you. The floodgates had been opened and you didn’t know how to act normal and not drown in your own mind at the same time. You needed space to simply exist. Space to sort out your mind before you did something utterly stupid and reckless. You’d promised to never disappear on them again without talking to them, and whilst you felt a bit guilty for withdrawing from them like that you had provided warning, and as much context as you could. Baekhyun refused to let you leave until you promised him you weren’t self-destructing. That you weren’t going to disappear and not respond to them.

“You said you wouldn’t do that again. You said you’d lean on at least one of us when you were struggling.” He said, his eyes full of concern as he watched you nervously pace around the room.

“It’s different this time. I’m not sad, or feeling lonely or headed to a dark place mentally.” You stopped in the middle of the room as you tried to hold off the panic attack that you could feel building within you. You needed to go. You needed to be away from it all. You needed them to understand. “It’s just loud. And overwhelming. And I need time to be by myself to sort through everything.” 

“But you’re asking us to not contact you.” He looked down at his hands. “How will we know if you’re ok?”

“It won’t be for long. I hope. Just give me a week, then Minseok or Kyungsoo can check in to make sure I’m ok.” You said. 

“Why not me?” He asked so quietly that you barely heard the words.

“Because I know they’ll just check in with me and nothing more until I’m ready to chat.” You smiled at him. “You wouldn’t be able to help yourself. You yap. It’s just part of who you are.”

“I hate this.” He grumbled.

“I don’t like it either, but I’ll do it.” Minseok replied. He looked worried for you as well, but he could tell you weren’t going to bend on this request. He didn’t want to back you into a corner. He knew if any of them did that, they ran the risk of you running from them. He hated to see you struggle with your thoughts but he hoped he knew you well enough to know that you’d reach out if you needed to lean on them. Even if you weren’t ready.

“Fine. I’ll do it as well, but know that I truly do not like this. Not one bit.” He sighed, resigned to your decision. He realised his words may have come across too harsh when he saw guilt flash across your features. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad. I’m just worried and wish I, or any of us, could help.”

You nodded. “I get it. I would hate it if any of you did this to me. Trust me I feel shitty about it, but I need to go deal with some stuff that I’ve been putting to the side because I simply didn’t have time to process it.” You shifted nervously on your feet, itching to leave the room. You felt your heart rate increase, and breathing was becoming difficult. You had to leave before your panic was obvious to them. You weren’t sure why you were so wound up this morning, but you knew you just needed to get away from the people who paid too much attention to you. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” 

You knew that they had conveyed your wishes when the group chat you’d been added to, one that had been busy that morning with members arguing over the best American breakfast sandwich, just stopped. The messages just abruptly ended. It left a bittersweet feeling in your heart. On one hand, they were only respecting your request for space to think, but on the other, having nine large personalities all fall quiet at the same time made you feel lonely. You hadn’t realised how much they had integrated themselves into your life, and you theirs until then. You might not see them every day but their presence was always felt. Through messages bickering with each other, reminding you to eat, dumb selfies, silly jokes, recommendations for movies or tv shows, unflattering photos of the others. They were always there. Until now. Now it was as though they’d all simply ceased to exist. It was weird. It felt wrong.

You’d travelled back to Korea with the other staff members. No one found that strange as there was no reason for any of the guys to request your presence for a lesson - the tour was over. You mindlessly watched movies until you fell asleep. Dealing with the onslaught of thoughts and feelings was not something you were going to do on a long haul flight. Having a breakdown 30,000 feet above the ocean was not on your bucket list. Did you shed a tear or two at certain scenes in the movies you watched because they reminded you of certain people? Maybe. But lucky for you the staff were all equally exhausted and happy to sleep for the majority of the return trip. Once you landed the guys were called to the company whilst you and multiple other staff members were told to go home and rest. You were beyond thankful to be told to go home because that was the only thing you wanted to do. You wanted the safety of the familiar four walls of your apartment. The comfort of your bed. Maybe all you needed was a really long sleep and then you’d be less of an emotional wreck. You didn’t think you’d overworked yourself but maybe you were wrong? 

It was quiet in your apartment. Not that that was a new thing. No, the new thing was that you knew it would remain quiet. There would not be a knock on your door from a bored neighbour who wanted to raid your snack cupboard and hide from their roommates. There would be no flurry of messages to your phone or late night calls. It was probably a good thing. If this feeling that you were experiencing, like teetering on the edge of an abyss of panic, was anything to go by then you were probably deluding yourself if you thought it was purely related to being exhausted from work. 

No, if you actually thought about it, you realised that it was the culmination of a few things. First there was the fact that your contract was over and you didn’t know what was next for you, or how their CEO would respond to the work you’d done. Second was the fact that you had been sexually intimate with each of the members. You thought you’d kept the interpersonal relationship side of things separate from the sex but now your mind was throwing every ‘what if’ in the book at you. Were they your friends?, were they colleagues?, did any of them now want nothing to do with you because you’d been with the others?, did any of them want more from you?, did you want more from any of them?, did you ruin everything? Your mind was in full spiral mode, with no exits in sight. You were unfortunately in for the ride, even if you did not want to be.

You knew you needed to sit down and dwell in your thoughts and work out what to do about the nine very special men who were woven into your heart, each one you had slept with, but did you feel something more than friendship and attraction to any of them? Was it simply a working relationship that you’d sprinkled some highly unprofessional fun into or did you have romantic interest in any or all of them? You’d avoided thinking about this very thing for weeks now, always telling yourself that you were too busy with lessons. Now you were forced to address it. No one would come distract you, and there was no work to be done, and if you didn’t address it? Well it seemed like you were destined for a full blown mental breakdown if you left it to fester.

You were officially off the clock until the CEO summoned you so you had nothing but time to sit and dwell on your thoughts and feelings. Naturally you decided to clean your apartment instead. Then reorganise the kitchen, do all of your washing, make your bed and organise your desk. It was when your thumb was hovering over the call button for your parents that you snapped out of your procrastination spiral and forced your brain to start unraveling the mess that was your relationship with the EXO members. 

Like every other time you’d had to solve a seemingly large problem, you took out a notebook and pen and began to make notes. It wasn’t a pros and cons list, rather, it was your jumbled thoughts spewed out onto a page. You’d always worked best with problem solving when you had something to annotate. You needed visual logic cues if you were to concentrate on this long enough to deal with it. When you looked down at the page it was one very messy web of unfiltered thoughts. Seeing it all on the page didn’t ease your worries like it usually did. For some reason this felt bigger, like it was more important than you could perceive. 

The crux of the issue still seemed to be that they were your friends before you took on the role of teaching them English, then after they became colleagues you rather quickly implemented the reward system. Then came the issue of involving sex, but honestly, apart from some prying and joking the guys hadn’t changed in how they acted towards you. If anything some were more affectionate with you but that was never in a sexual way. They understood that the system was there for the lessons and if you excluded Minseok and Baekhyun - all sex acts were contained within the lesson rewards or punishments. Yixing was playful, but only because he knew he could get away with it. He never tried for more than being close to you, and you knew he cared about you (especially since the day at the Han River, and because he wasn’t always around), but you didn’t think he was pining for you though it was sometimes difficult to gauge what he was feeling. Junmyeon was a gentleman and rarely brought up anything to do with the reward arrangement. Chanyeol, Jongdae and Sehun liked to make suggestive comments and jokes but that was mostly in. Sehun had been clingy before all of this anyway. Kyungsoo was another who was difficult to read. He’d never tried anything after the reward, but he was sweet to you, and very familiar with you in a way he hadn’t been beforehand. Jongin was a sweetheart before and after, and you were pretty sure his reward was just an experience for him and nothing more. Minseok and you… well that has basically been a friends with benefits situation however neither of you appeared to be trying to push that arrangement into something more at present. You were both more than capable of hanging out and not fucking. 

Baekhyun presented a whole other problem. Your relationship with him had never been normal. The sexually charged banter had been there from the very beginning and only built as things went on. The day at the Han River proved that he cared about you enough to find you and help you. You enjoyed his company which wasn’t to say you didn’t enjoy all of their company, but with him it was different. Wasn’t it? You weren’t sure. The relationship that grew between the two of you had been sexually charged thanks to your drunken flirting very early on in the scheme of things but he’d never shied away from it - as long as you weren’t a drunken mess. The flirting had continued and your encounters always seemed to teeter on the precipice of taking that next step, but ended in delayed gratification so it was impossible for you to decipher if you had felt so strongly because you’d craved his body and his touch or if it was something more.

You paused in your deliberations to order some food. All this thinking was making you hungry and your mother had always told you to never make important decisions while hungry. It was something you’d lived by and you weren't about to stray from it now. A decision made while hungry could very well just be the impulsive choice rather than the choice you might make once hunger wasn’t making you impatient. Hangry was never a helpful state to be in.

What were you even trying to figure out? Did you want to date all of them? Was that even a possibility? It would be hard enough to date one idol, let alone nine of them. How would that work? You knew people back home who were in successful polycules but like, they were on the smaller side and had a more even split of gender. That and the fact that they weren’t also hugely famous in a highly conservative country and would receive backlash for anyone they dated. If you dated all nine of them, you would be the only woman and as far as you were aware, none of them were all that interested in exploring each other in that way. Did you feel that way about them? I felt like it had to be an all or nothing situation for it to be fair. You didn’t ask your brain what kind of logic that was because it made sense to you at the time. So would you be ok if you didn’t pursue anything more with any of them? Would remaining close friends with them be enough for you, or them? God you hadn’t even considered if any of them were romantically interested in you. How embarrassing would it be to make a decision only for it to be the opposite of their decision? Could your heart handle that rejection if you were dealing with freshly discovered feelings? You stood up and did a full body shake in a feeble attempt at releasing the building anxiety from your body. You needed to focus on one question at a time. Were you romantically interested in all of them? 

You weren’t sure. It was complicated. 

If you didn’t want all of them, would you be fine with just being friends with them? 

Again, you weren’t sure. All this thinking was making your head hurt. The lack of answers you were providing yourself wasn’t helping your anxiety in the slightest. Maybe you should just finish your food, go to bed and try again in the morning? You probably had jet lag. That couldn’t be helping. 

Did you want any of them in that way? Did any of them want you in that way? If you were just friends with them, would you be ok watching them date other people? Could you be happy for them? Your heart felt heavy and you were no closer to working out why. You closed your notebook and got into bed, hoping the cocoon of your blankets could wash away some of the worries and panic. 

Sleep was elusive. You tossed and turned for what felt like the entire night because you could not switch your brain off. It wasn’t supplying any new information nor was it being productive in any way. No, instead it was showing you all of the worst case scenario outcomes from your possible decisions. Thoughts of being doxxed for dating any of them, sasaengs hurting you or any of them, calls from antis to have the group disband or certain members thrown out. All of it haunted your sleep deprived brain. When your thoughts drifted to the possibility of you being deported over dating any of them, you finally heaved a sigh, called your mind an idiot and somehow fell asleep. It was more likely that you passed out from exhaustion at that point, too drained mentally to remain conscious. The dreams were just snapshots of all these awful thoughts. Your subconscious must have felt bad for you as it sprinkled in small glimpses of the happy endings where everything worked out. Little bursts of colour surrounded these moments, like it was really trying its best to show you there could be good outcomes. 

Warmth and laughter in their company, locked lips and entwined limbs, waking up in someone’s arms, secretive dates, happy smiles. Small glimpses of building a happy home together, of not dating but still hanging out and enjoying being with your friends. Feeling whole, and loved. Even dreaming you were no closer to a resolution than before. 

A new day brought distractions. So be it if those distractions were ones you forced upon yourself, they were still distractions dammit. You took yourself out for a walk in a feeble attempt at clearing your mind only to find yourself standing in front of an aquarium in Gangnam. Water always grounded you when your thoughts became too loud, and since you couldn’t sit at the beach, staring out at the waves for hours like you could in your hometown, an aquarium was the next best thing. Something about walking through enclosures below the water with sea life surrounding you was calming. It was serene and quiet. You allowed your mind to go blank as you made your way through the different exhibits, reading the fun facts that were put next to each enclosure. 

You learned about the sharks that could reproduce asexually, never needing the company of others to keep themselves afloat. Sharks were always so interesting to watch. A terrifying predator who seemingly feared nothing, but to you they were also these goofy looking creatures because of their teeth. There were too many and they were too sharp but it also made them look kind of ridiculous when they were simply existing. You had an appreciation for them. They were unbothered creatures, content to simply exist, only attacking for survival whether that be for sustenance or to defend themselves. They let specific creatures into their personal space, never attacking them, but seeming to simply coexist. Those suckerfish - that you now found out were actually called Remora - helped the sharks and in turn the sharks helped them. It seemed like a simple relationship. You imagined that one day they just attached themselves to the sharks and never let go and for some reason, the shark just let it happen. 

The tropical exhibit was vibrant and massive. You had to stop yourself from reciting lines from Finding Nemo lest you appear like a crazy foreigner talking to themselves. You knew a lot of the facts about these creatures from your studies at school but there were some things they had left out of your textbooks, probably to avoid teachers having to explain certain concepts to children. Concepts like polyamorous fish. Yeah, those existed. Well, technically the marine biologists simply documented that certain species of tropical fish mated with multiple partners. So one couldn’t explicitly state that the fish were polyamorous, but maybe that term was better than saying the fish were swingers. It was a ridiculous concept to think about. The inner working relationships of fish. Maybe you were losing your mind. 

You moved on to see the seals being fed. You always found them to be a deceptive creature. ‘Looks like a friend but is most definitely not a friend’ was the label you’d always associated with them. Growing up you’d been to a marine park and been in awe of the cute seals who did tricks for rewards in the form of fish. You even had a photo with a seal posed next to you. You remembered that it was heavy, very wet and its breath stank of fish, but it was pretty chill. Your cousin snuck you into a section you weren’t supposed to go to, where they were rehabilitating other animals - mainly dolphins and seals. He knew about a specific seal species that looked adorable and said he wanted to show it to you. He left out the part where this particular species ate penguins and other seals. He waited until you were home, talking to anyone who would listen about the world’s prettiest seal, about how they must be the sweetest and most amazing seals to ever exist. He waited until you were so enamoured by them that you were almost going to claim them as your new favourite animal to show you a section of a documentary of that specific species hunting. You had nightmares for weeks. Thankfully the seals in this enclosure were not the leopard seals of your childhood nightmares. It did remind you to call your cousin to catch up and remind him of how much he terrorised you as a child. 

You spent way too long watching the penguins in the arctic exhibit. They appeared to be nesting, at least that was the conclusion you arrived at. There were penguins lying in little circles made of rocks and ice, a nest you supposed, while their mate searched the enclosure for the perfect pieces of ice and rocks before bringing them back and placing them in the nest (you assumed they were mates since they kept returning to the same nest, never straying to a different penguin. That and you knew penguins mated for life, so if they weren’t mates then they were definitely courting the penguin they thought could be their mate). It was such a simple act but you found that you simply couldn’t leave the viewing window, entranced by such a simple act of love. 

When you finally left the aquarium a few hours later you felt more at peace than you had in weeks. By no means was your mind clear, but the chaotic tornado that had taken up residence in there was now more of a light breeze as all your worries quietened down, allowing you to logically sift through them. You allowed yourself to believe that you had in fact, been successful at teaching EXO English. The tour was successful and you hadn’t been required to step in very often during their ments or interviews. For a group with poor prior experience with learning English you had basically done the impossible. You managed to let go of the stigma that had clouded your mind for the past few weeks that was constantly telling you they were only succeeding because of the sex, but really if all they took from your lessons was the sex then they still would have failed miserably at their ments and interviews. Something you did stuck, and whether it was because you were someone they knew and trusted was kind of beside the point. You took the time to learn how each of them would learn the best from you, and tailored sessions to maximise their recall of their ments. And it fucking worked. You should really allow yourself to feel your oats more often than you did. The cloud of self depreciation that had been looming and trying to take root was dissolved. You did a good job. Others had told you so, you knew it to be true. You just had to be consistent in telling your self doubt to go fuck itself when it next tried to diminish your achievements. You felt a little lighter than you had this morning, one less voice causing chaos in your mind.

Riding on your good mood, you decided to take a walk through the nearby night markets, enjoying food from the street vendors and looking at the pretty wares others had on offer. You resisted the urge to buy gifts for the guys - this was a day for you, not a day for you to revert to stressing over if you would be giving a gift as a friend, as a romantic partner, or as a farewell. For now you simply took in the craftsmanship of the trinkets, clothing and jewellery on offer - deciding that you would go to more night markets in the future. The streets were so full of life, bustling with a palpable energy that was infectious. You loved it. The streets were illuminated with soft and pretty lights, making you feel like you were walking through a little fairytale rather than the streets of Seoul. It was an impressive feat for this small section of such a bright and bustling city to achieve. 

Eventually you decided it was time to begin the journey back towards your apartment. You wanted to call your family, possibly a friend as well, just to update them on your life as a translator overseas. Now that you actually recognised the work that you had done you knew you could feel confident talking to them about it. Talking about it to someone outside of the business might also help bring other things you were worried about into focus. You headed home with your head held high, finally feeling good about the work you had done these past months. 

Speaking with your parents and your closest friend back home helped you unpack more of your thoughts. Ones you wouldn’t have realised if you hadn’t had to conceal certain aspects of your life over here. Describing the boys as acquaintances then colleagues felt weird and wrong, but you knew you had to hide the friendship to an extent. After all, they didn’t know how damaging that kind of news could be if it got out and they would not feel the need to keep that information to themselves. You knew they’d just say you were overreacting if you told them not to tell anyone about it, so you simply kept that from them. It was easier this way even if it felt off. They meant more than you could tell your parents.

You’d always worried that your family wouldn’t be proud of you for taking a job in a foreign country and leaving as quickly as you did. You’d expected to cop an earful from your mother for not calling her more often but you were pleasantly surprised to hear how many questions she had about your work - how was your boss, how did they assign clients, were they treating you well, were the hours humane, were the conditions fair, did you get sufficient pay and time off. The list was endless. You answered all of her questions to the best of your ability without breaching your contract or giving away incriminating details. Your father wanted to know all about your living conditions, was it in a good neighbourhood, was the security good, were you safe, were you being smart when you left the house. You allowed him to nag you since that was his love language - fretting about his daughter's safety. He even convinced you to hang up and call again on video so you could show him your apartment and so they could see your face, to make sure you were being truthful about eating and sleeping well. Definitely not because they also missed you terribly. Once you had appeased them, promising no less than five times that you were keeping out of trouble, were eating well and getting enough sleep, did they allow you to ask them questions about life after you left home. It was comforting to talk to them, even if it made you miss them terribly - you longed for a warm hug from each of them more than you wanted to admit. You dodged questions of romance, citing that you were far too busy with work to date. You also had to explain how dating culture was different here, and once they knew how much faster relationships began your father was much happier to know that you weren’t dating. You’d die if he knew what you had been doing though. 

You eventually told them that you were at the end of the current contract you were on and that you were awaiting a final evaluation to see if the company you had been on contract with wanted to keep you on for other projects or if your boss would be assigning you to a new company to work with new artists. Your father could tell from your voice that you were feeling anxious about being in limbo. He told you to rest assured that you did the best work you could, and that your successes would be noticed. He told you that if they renewed your contract that would be great because you already had rapport and knew your way around the company building, feeling comfortable with that environment but he also told you that if they didn’t, that it wouldn’t take long for your boss to find you a new company because of your achievements on your current contract, and that change wasn’t a bad thing. It could lead to bigger and brighter things. Your mother was always good at talking out the minutiae of a problem with you but your father could pinpoint what you needed to hear and ease your busy mind. It was a trait you were thankful he had because it was what you needed right now. You talked for a long time after that, catching up on everything you had missed in their lives, on tv shows, the news, gossip around town. Your mother could harp on about anything if you let her. Eventually you had to try and wind up the conversation, you did have another call to make after all. After promising to call more often they let you go so you could call your closest friend. 

Speaking with her went exactly as you thought it would. First there was a lot of nagging about how you never called or told her anything, how you’d abandoned her for the rich and famous clients you had. That you’d probably snagged some uber rich and hot guy and forgotten all about little old her. Then came the endless I miss you’s followed by all the things she’d been dying to tell you. You got wildly sidetracked as you caught up on her life, her new boyfriend, her work, her plans and seemingly endless tangents. She was the kind of friend who could easily take over a conversation, something she had often had to do in the past. There were times where you just preferred to go quiet and let others lead the small talk. You preferred topics that interested you when meeting new people because you had something to contribute, and surface level conversation kind of bored you. You could do it, and did when work required it of you, but in your personal life you were often much more reserved in conversation with strangers. There was probably something to unpack there but you chose to ignore that for now.

You went through a similar interrogation about work and life in Korea with her, though she pressed for far more details than your parents did since she had some idea that you were working with idols. You managed to avoid incriminating yourself in any way but you knew this would not be the last time she pressed you for information. She had a knack for knowing when things were left unsaid, and boy did you leave a lot of things about your situation unsaid. When you got to the topic of your current employment potentially coming to an end she made similar points to your father, though she added that the more people you worked for in the entertainment sector, the more likely it was for you to meet some amazing guy. You almost choked on your laughter at that. Once again you had to promise to contact her more often before she would let you get off the phone with her. 

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: Don’t think for a moment that I didn’t pick up on the fact that something is going on with you.

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: I won’t push you for an explanation yet, but know that I’m here for you love. Anytime. 

She was too perceptive for her own good. You hated and loved her for it.

[9:21PM] You: Nothing gets past you does it? I should have known you’d pick up on it. I’m not ready to talk about it yet, still wading through my thoughts etc. But thank you bby. ILYSM <3

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: <3 Talk to me when you’re ready to unpack everything in that pretty little head of yours. ILYSM2

The calls left you feeling even more grounded and settled in your emotions. Your mind continued to be quiet and calm as you got ready for bed, hoping you would get a decent night's sleep and continue your ‘me’ time tomorrow. After all you still had to wade through your feelings about the guys, where everything between the lot of you stood now and where things were going. You weren’t sure that you could fully work out your feelings without talking to them, which could go horribly wrong but you were just too confused. You knew one thing for certain, you had to tell them that there had to be no more sex related things between any of you until this whole thing was worked out. That obviously meant no stress relief fucking with Minseok, but also had to include suggestive comments and jokes. You just weren’t sure if anything could be taken at face value, or if there was more to it.

You promised yourself that if you still felt calm and clear in your thoughts by tomorrow afternoon that you would reach out to the guys. Sure they were giving you space now, but you weren’t so naive to believe that this would continue if you reached a week with zero contact. Sure Minseok or Kyungsoo would message you but you’d rather not let it reach that point if you could help it. You knew them well enough to know that they’d start to worry, and then they’d jump to conclusions that it was somehow their fault that you weren’t talking to them. That was something you wanted to avoid. You weren’t the only one capable of spiralling in your thoughts.

***

Thankfully sleep came easily for you. The bed was comfy, the sheets a perfect texture and the room was cool, allowing you to snuggle into a blanket burrito and sleep deeply. You awoke the next day feeling well rested and more at peace than you’d felt in weeks. You promised to give yourself until the afternoon to make contact and you planned on honoring that self imposed promise so you headed out on another stroll since the weather was yet again pleasant. First stop was the coffee shop for your daily dose of sugar in liquid form (also known as an iced chocolate) and a flaky pastry. Today that was a blueberry danish. With your tasty treats in hand, you set off through the closest park, hoping to find a duck pond to sit by while you ate. There was no reason or tradition for the dunk pond, you just liked being near water when you wanted to get lost in thought. 

As luck would have it, you did find a pond, sadly barren, with no ducks, but it still had the desired effect of being an idyllic backdrop for you. You made a mental list of the things you needed to complete before returning to your apartment. 1. Get groceries so you could cook yourself some meals for the next week. 2. Buy some new clothes and accessories before the season changes so you wouldn’t be caught out. 3. Visit a nearby corgi cafe so you could give some fluffballs your love. 4. Buy a couple of gifts to send home to your parents and closest friend. It wasn’t too overwhelming, but it should keep you occupied until it was time to reach out to the guys. You probably wouldn’t check off the final item today, that would require a future visit to the night markets. 

Groceries were reasonably simple. After talking with your family you suddenly craved a simple western meal so you’d decided on some pan cooked chicken with roasted vegetables and a salad. If you seasoned each chicken breast slightly different it would change up your meals enough each night for you to not grow bored of them. You managed to successfully buy some new clothes and accessories to put away for the next season and then spent two blissfully happy hours at the corgi cafe. You were constantly being prodded with little paws or wet noses asking for pats and treats. You were quite literally covered in fur but you didn’t care. They were so cute and getting to spend time with them really filled the part of you that desperately wanted a pet. You’d have one one day, when the time was right and you could dedicate yourself to training and giving them all the affection in your being. 

With a little tri-coloured corgi resting his head on your lap you let your thoughts drift. When would you get the call from Mr. Kim? At this point you just wanted to have your meeting so you could stop weighing up the uncertainty of your professional future. Once that was set then you knew you could much more easily discuss where things either should or should not progress with the guys. That moment of clarity for what you wanted in that respect remained elusive. You knew that you wanted them in your life, and whilst the thought of nothing more than friendship didn’t entirely sit well with you (you still couldn’t pinpoint why that was), you knew you could do that if that’s all they wanted from you. You felt something for each of them but you hadn’t fallen hard for anyone, a feat that you thanked your guarded heart for immensely. There was closeness, attraction and lust but no deep romantic love. You could see yourself falling if you opened your heart to it and if it was reciprocated by them, but for now you were safe from heartbreak if they didn’t have interest in you like that. 

You’d thought about what you’d do if more than one, or oddly if all of them wanted some sort of arrangement with you. You’d decided that you weren’t opposed to the idea, but only if certain ground rules were in place to keep everyone safe.  If they were opposed to a more polyamorous relationship then you would step back and remain their friend. You refused to allow them to fight and potentially damage their relationships with each other - both personally and professionally - over dating you. It could be seen as a clinical approach but the reality was that they were at the peak of their careers right now and you would not allow the prospect of dating you to get in the way of that. You weren’t that important, you couldn’t be. There was also the secretive nature of whatever relationship you all moved forward with. Male idols were not supposed to be close with other women, that only led to dating scandals which was another thing you wanted to avoid at all costs. 

Ultimately you had to talk to the guys and lay all of your thoughts out for them. They had to know where you stood and then you had to give them time to work out where they stood and what they wanted. Would that be an awkward as fuck conversation? Yes. Was it necessary? Also yes. It was time. No more radio silence. No more dwelling. You quickly sent off a message before you could talk yourself into taking another day to sit with your thoughts. 

[6:13PM] You: Are you guys busy?

The response was almost instantaneous. You hoped that didn’t mean they were hanging out by their phones waiting to hear from you. 

[6:13PM] Junmyeon: Noona! It’s nice to hear from you :)

[6:13PM] Junmyeon: We all just got home. Do you need something?

His words calmed you a little. It was his usual routine to check his phone as soon as he got home. Then he did his best to ignore it for a few hours, only answering if a manager or family member called.

[6:14PM] You: I was hoping I could come up and have a chat with everyone?

[6:14PM] You: But like, only if you’re all free and ok to have me over. I’m sure you’re all still tired.

You might be offering to have this meeting but that did not mean you weren’t incredibly anxious about it. You’d kept your thoughts at bay for almost two days but as soon as you put the talk on the table all of your fears resurfaced. What if they were mad at you? What if you’d read too much into this relationship? What if you caused a rift in the group? You didn’t want to be EXO’s Yoko. 

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: Nonsense. Come on up.

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: They’d kill me if I didn’t invite you up here and you know it.

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: All I’ve heard since we boarded the plane is whiny men. Get your ass up here and put me out of my misery!

You laughed at that. You could practically see him pouting as he typed the messages out to you. It didn’t seem like they were mad, but a small part of you also began to worry that they were too prone to overreacting. You shut that down when you reminded yourself that you’d basically cut them off cold turkey right at the end of the tour. The only people who had spent time with you after that final concert were Minseok and Baekhyun, and only them and Junmyeon knew about your meeting, unless they’d told the others about it. After all you had said they could do that. 

[6:15PM] You: It’s barely been 36 hours. You guys are maybe a little too codependent on me.

[6:15PM] You: But fine, I’ll be up in like 30 mins. Is that enough time for you to round everyone up?

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: You know we love you, but it was the radio silence and request to not contact you that sent them in a tailspin.

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: Not that I’m mad, just to be clear. I get it, but they lowkey freaked out.

Yeah, that checked out. You needed to just get home and go see your ragtag bunch of idiots who seemed to care about you more than you ever thought they would. However you also need to stop whatever attempt at ‘down with the cool kids’ lingo Junmyeon was trying to achieve. He already got teased enough for being the old man of the group and poorly inserting lingo that was clearly out of place in his vernacular was not going to help him.

[6:15PM] You: Don’t say lowkey, that’s not who you are. 

[6:15PM] You: Sehun is probably the only one of you who can get away with saying that. Chanyeol and Baekhyun think they can, but the jury is out on whether or not they can.

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: I’m going to ignore that slander of my character. I’m up on current slang. 

You actually facepalmed. Why was he like this? WHY.

[6:16PM] You: Seriously. STOP. You are in no way helping yourself here.

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: 30 minutes is fine. See you soon. 

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: Just to check though, should I be emotionally prepared for some heartbreaking and serious talk? You rarely ask to speak to all of us at once.

You supposed it could come off as a we need to talk moment given the lack of context you’d provided. And it kind of was that, but also not? You really didn’t want them to freak out. Nine guys fretting would be too overwhelming for you.

[6:16PM] You: Semi serious, but nothing heavy. I just want to explain myself and where my head has been at so you all understand why I kind of just disappeared.

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: Bet. See you soon then <3

[6:17PM] You: You are too old to be saying bet. Who is teaching you this shit? You know what. Don’t answer that. Just stop saying ‘trend’ words. We both know you’re not cool enough to pull them off. No offence.

[6:17PM] You: See you soon. <3

[6:17PM] Junmyeon: Wow noona. Harsh. My lingo is on fleek, it's rude of you to not realise that.

[6:17PM] You: I’m never going to speak to you again. 

[6:17PM] You: And I might have to cause bodily harm to whoever taught you this lingo.

You locked your phone before you cringed at any further attempts at current slang were sent to you. It was go time for you. Whether you were ready or not (you were not), the conversation was happening. Time to get your butt home and face the music. So to speak. You just hoped you weren’t about to fuck it all up. 

***

Nine pairs of eyes stared back at you from the various spots in the living room. You stood awkwardly in front of the tv as you contemplated whether or not to find yourself a chair or if you were just going to stand here and speak. The choice ended up being made for you as Yixing brought a chair in for you to sit on. It was still placed in the centre of the room facing all of them, but it felt a little less intimidating to sit before speaking. Yixing’s fingers brushed over your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, before he moved back towards his place on the lounge. 

You cleared your throat and decided to approach this as you would remove a bandaid - quickly. You knew the guys were all wondering what the cause of your no contact rule was and the sooner you put them out of their misery the better. It would be better for you as well because you would get at least this part of the conversation out of your brain. Your time at the aquarium had helped clear your thoughts, as had your walk through the city. You weren’t so sure if the evening sitting in your apartment spiralling in your thoughts helped, so this was your attempt at preventing that from happening again tonight while still putting some space between them and you while you sorted your shit out.

“I uh, I want to apologise for not speaking with any of you properly before we flew back from the tour.” You held up a hand to stop the immediate chorus of responses that were coming from the guys. “Please let me get all of this out before any of you speak otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to get through it.” Nine heads nodded at you and waited for you to continue. 

“I got really in my head about everything and needed to take a step away from all of it, from everyone, while I tried to settle my thoughts.” You started. “First I worried that I hadn’t done a good job because I’d been unprofessional, but after I let myself spiral I realised that wasn’t true and that I had done a great job. I didn’t get to tell you after the last show ended but I could not be more proud of each and every one of you. Your English improved SO much and whilst a certain amount of that is on me, a huge part of that is on you for applying yourselves to the lessons and the study in order to make those improvements. You should also all be really proud of yourselves for the progress you’ve all made.” You couldn’t help but smile at them, pride shining through you. You were truly impressed at the work they’d put in and the results they’d shown in such a small timeframe. “Were part of the lessons and some of my conduct unprofessional? Yes, but I now believe that none of those things hindered your progress, nor were they the sole motivation for your improvements. Whether I’m wrong or right about this, I’m now choosing to believe that they were a pleasant bonus to all of this.”

Time for the big reveal. The thing that had been weighing on you, causing you to nearly have multiple panic attacks. The thing you were most scared about admitting to them. Would they thing you were overreacting or crazy? Would they understand? “My relationship with all of you also began to get muddled in my head by the end of the tour. We all met before I took on the role of teacher and prior to that we were all friends, and with more than one of you there was also an undercurrent of flirtation - regardless of whether any of us were going to act on it or not. Then I became someone who worked for you, who was quite literally on call for if you needed a lesson, in any setting and at any time of day. We were still friends but it did alter the relationship with you. Then I added in the reward/punishment system and that kind of threw a spanner in the works. We were all close, but inevitably when you add physical intimacy or sex to the equation it blurs the lines. My brain kept spiralling between ‘are we friends, colleagues, fuck buddies, in a relationship, did you never want to see me again, were you going to fight if any of us wanted a romantic relationship…’ so yeah, after the last night in America I withdrew into my head and just needed to be with my thoughts - as much as I really really really did not want to sift through them. I knew I needed to for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I hadn’t realised it but those thoughts had been building for quite some time and after all the lessons were over and all rewards or punishments received, those thoughts were relentless and overwhelming. I couldn’t ignore them any longer.”

You couldn’t stop talking. If you did, you were pretty sure you’d bottle everything up until you did what you were best at, running. It wasn’t a fair thought to have, but sadly you were in no state to control the cruelty of your thoughts. You just had to keep speaking and once you finished you hoped they understood. “As I’m sure Minseok and Baek told you, I had a meeting with the managers and Junmyeon to discuss my work and for feedback to be provided. Without going into too much detail, the meeting went well, but my future with SM hangs on your CEO. He was sent video of your ments and interviews while overseas to review as well as feedback from the managers, staff and yourselves. I will either be let go and my boss will find me a contract with another company - which will mean we won’t see each other as much or as freely - or I’ll be kept on one of two contracts with SM. Either an exclusive contract with EXO with allowances for freelance tutoring in my free time within SM, or a contract with SM where I would not be assigned any specific group but would be available at the company to provide lessons for existing artists and trainees. Either of those options would mean we would see more of each other, but the latter would mean we would not be able to speak as freely as we do now with each other.”

“I spent a lot of time stressing about what I wanted to happen and what possible scenarios could happen but I guess professionally any option is good for me as all options mean I remain working in this field and helping others improve their language skills. I stress over large changes in my life, not sure if that is something I’ve ever mentioned, but it’s a thing. Obviously.” You scoffed as you made a vague gesture at yourself and the clear state of stress you were in. “Personally, I don’t want to lose what we have. I cherish each of you and love that we’ve still been able to hang out and play around while we’re all working. I know we’d make it work if I have to go to another company but I know we would see each other significantly less than we do now.”

You took a deep breath. You hadn’t looked at any of them while you spoke. You knew if you saw their eyes you’d stop speaking. So you just couldn’t. Not yet. What if they looked at you with pity, anger, happiness, disgust, or worse - indifference. You could rationalise it if they felt something, but seeing them feel nothing when your mind had been fucking chaos might just be the straw that broke the camels back. You didn’t look at them. “So to sum up, I overthought everything, stressed, spiralled and withdrew from all of you which may or may not have been the right thing to do but I’m here now. I should know in a few days where my future lies work-wise but wanted to open the floor to discuss whatever this relationship we all have now is because I don’t think it is something I can resolve by myself. We don’t have to discuss it now, but I want you to think about it. I don’t know if you view me as a friend or as someone you want to pursue something with, or someone you no longer wish to see. I’m sorry to just dump all of this on you but I need to put it all out there, as much as I can right now anyway.” 

You’d done it. You’d told them what had been going on in your mind. Mostly. You hadn’t discussed your feelings but you’d mentioned all possibilities so that had to count for something. You really just wanted to run and hide, to become invisible rather than be perceived right now, but you knew you had to remain in your spot and hear what they had to say. No matter what it was. 

Chanyeol was the first to speak. He ran his hands through his hair as he tried to keep his tone even. “Not going to lie, this is a lot. I think I speak for all of us when I say that, and I think you know that. I appreciate you opening up to us about what was going on in your head, I'm sure we all do, even if it does leave us with more questions and discussions to have.”

You nodded. It was a lot. You knew it. You’d lived with all of it in your brain. It was only fair to give them time as well. That’s why you’d said you didn’t need to discuss it now.

Minseok was next to speak, he smiled softly at you, his own way of trying to calm your nerves even now. “I don’t think it’s something we should talk about tonight. You know as well as we do that we can be impulsive and that discussions can get heated quickly if we haven’t had time to choose our words. As weird as it will be I think we all need to take some time to think about what we want, and what will work best moving forward.”

You nodded again. You’d used all your words in speaking to them and now could bring yourself to speak. 

“This is going to sound shitty noona, and for that I’m sorry but I don’t think there is a diplomatic way to put it, well at least not one that I can think of right now,” Junmyeon said, sighing as he had to be the guy to say it. “but we do need to consider how it might affect the group if one or more of us are interested in pursuing you, especially if it means some may be rejected. At the end of the day, EXO has to come first, and god I know that’s a shitty thing to say, but it’s something we need to think about and probably talk about amongst ourselves. No offence.” You knew someone would have to raise that point, and it was a valid one, one you’d thought about as well. It did make sense that it was their leader who was the one to say it. After all, he always did put the group above everything else.

You had to speak, nodding wouldn’t suffice in response to that. It would only make him feel like a jerk and that was the last thing you wanted him to feel. You cleared your throat and hoped you said the right things. “All valid points, and don’t worry, there’s no offence taken, Junmyeon. I’d also thought that you should all take some time away from me to think over what you want and to discuss with the group. If one or more of you wanting to pursue me would negatively affect the group then I don’t think anything more than friendship is possible.” 

You paused. Would they think of this option if you didn’t raise it? You weren’t sure. But if it helped them with their deliberations then it was worth the level of embarrassment you were about to feel by simply suggesting it. “I guess the last thing for me to put out there is that after some thinking, I’m not opposed to exploring the possibility of a polyamorous type of situation if that is something you guys land on. However, I’m also not opposed to monogamy or just friendship with all of you. It might sound like I either don’t care that much or that I don’t know what I want, and the latter is somewhat true, but I did draw a line between what we were doing in the rewards versus hanging out outside of that and it prevented me from allowing too many feelings to take root. I’m not sure where any of you stand and I don’t want to know right now either since all of this” You gestured with your hand, waving it vaguely to indicate all of you. “Is so fresh and we all have a lot to consider, or not consider. I don’t know.” Breathe you told yourself. You had to breathe or you’d panic before this conversation ended.  “I’ll hopefully have a follow up meeting in a couple of days and then will know what will be happening with the work aspect of my life. I think we should meet once I know that side of things and chat again? But if you need more time, I would completely understand.”

Not much was said after that. The air was tense and awkward as you all kind of forgot how to act around each other. You stayed for a little while to hear about the plans for their encore concert but as soon as that conversation topic dwindled, you said your goodbyes and headed back to your apartment.

It might be time to call your friend. You were more confused after that meeting and once again on the precipice of a breakdown. You couldn’t wade through this on your own and you couldn’t ask one of the guys for help because this was about them. You couldn’t tell your friend every detail, but you could tell her enough. 

[10:49PM] You: So uh, are you free for that chat?

[10:49PM] Your bestest friend in the whole world: For you? Always. 

***

You awoke the next morning to the sound of a text message notification on your phone. You rubbed your eyes as you tried to focus on the name of the contact who sent the message. You sat up in your bed as soon as your eyes managed to make out that the message was from your boss. Hopefully it was the message you’d been waiting for.

[7:42AM] Mr. Kim: Good morning, I hope you have had sufficient time to relax since returning from the overseas tour with EXO. I had a meeting this morning with SM’s CEO, Lee Soo Man about your performance under the current contract you have with SM and what his thoughts were for your potential future prospects at the company. I’ve scheduled a meeting for us at midday at my office. I’ll see you in a few hours to discuss. 

If you were half awake at the start of that message, you were wide awake now. Of course a meeting is called the day after you dropped what felt like a literal bomb on your nine upstairs neighbours. You had just over four hours to freshen up and get yourself over to his office. Not that you were nervous… not at all… not even a little bit. It wasn’t like the outcome of this meeting determined the future of your career or anything. No, shut up. You tried telling your mind as it attempted to spiral before any form of carb or sugar entered your system. You repeated your father’s words over in your head as you picked out clothes for the meeting, a simple and professional outfit that you would not anxiety sweat through before you even reached Mr. Kim’s office. You showered and got yourself ready for the day and whatever it would bring. Maybe it would be better once it was all over, then you could stop overthinking and fretting about every possible outcome. That wasn’t how you liked doing things but it seemed to be what happened whenever it was important to you. When you cared.

Just before you left the apartment you sent a message to the group chat so that everyone was kept up to date.

[10:25AM] You: Hey, just a heads up that I’m on my way to a meeting now. LSM has made his decision and I’ll know my work fate in a couple of hours. I know I suggested meeting again after I had my meeting but given I literally only proposed everything to you last night, I’ll bench our talk until you guys have had time to deliberate and all that. Just reach out when you want to chat and I’ll make myself available. 

It felt clinical and not how you’d ever spoken to them when there was no one to overhear your conversations. It felt like how you spoke to them when one of their managers was present. It felt wrong and something in your heart hurt. There was no response, but you could see the members slowly reading your message. Sehun reacted to it with a thumbs up message which then spurred everyone into chatting, mainly to scold Sehun but seeing the chat alive again felt right.

You put your phone on do not disturb mode as you approached Mr. Kim’s office, coffee in hand. Not the iced variety that was so popular among idols. No, the purpose of this coffee was not to keep you awake, rather it was to give you a caffeine hit as well as comfort you with its warmth. You were always nervous when it came time for a performance review, but unlike last time with Blackpink, you were a lot closer with the members of EXO and their staff. Unlike last time you knew that you had done your job successfully, you’d been present to witness the members grow in their language skills and watched them deliver their ments to their American audiences with little to no translation required. The only slip was the night Baekhyun forgot his lines, but the following shows he required no assistance.

Once you arrived, Mr. Kim’s secretary ushered you into his office, telling you he was just finishing up a meeting in another room and would be with you shortly. Thankfully you did not have to wait long before he entered the room. He smiled and greeted you warmly then moved to sit at his desk. You’d been in this room a few times now and it was always nerve wracking. 

“Once again I can tell that you are eager to hear your evaluation.” He chuckled.

You nodded. “Apparently my face hides nothing from you.”

“Actually your face is not what gave you away, it was the fidgeting fingers this time.” He pointed at your free hand which was unfortunately fidgeting with the buckle on your handbag.

Your fingers stilled, but you itched to keep busy with something. Anything to get the frenetic energy out of your system. “You got me. Now please put me out of my misery already and give me my evaluation.”

Lucky for you, he prided himself on business and got right to it. You never had to endure too much small talk with him. It was a much more pleasant experience than the managers you had back before moving here. They seemed to want to spend up to ten minutes chatting about nothing before switching to business mode. That was not the Mr. Kim way. His way was better. For you at least. Mr. Kim pulled a file up on his computer and turned the screen so that you could see it as well. “As you already know from the last time we did this, we assess you in three areas. 1. How well the tasks were performed 2. How you worked with the clients and 3. Work ethic/professionalism. I’ve reviewed the recording of the last meeting you had during the tour as well as received feedback from the SM CEO.” 

He clicked on a file and opened it. “This is a review of the tasks performed. As you can see, it was unanimous across the board that you have excelled in this area. You successfully prepared the members for their interviews and concert ments, improving their English significantly. You joined the group on tour and no issues were reported by staff or the members, nor did you appear in any fan reports or cause any scandals.” He paused to look at you, a knowing smile on his face. “But you already know this from your meeting with the managers and Junmyeon. I’ll only add the feedback from their CEO. He said he was impressed that someone of your young age was able to successfully complete these tasks to the level that you did, he made special mention of the tailored lessons as a genius move on your part. He noted that whilst it would be an arduous task for all clients, it worked for EXO in ways no one expected. They have not had this level of success in teaching a group that didn’t already have a member with a decent grasp on English or a native English speaker. He was also very impressed that you were able to fit in and work seamlessly with a well established team.” Mr Kim paused, signalling that you could now speak before he addressed the next criterion.

So far things were going well. Logically you knew that you had succeeded in your role, but it was always a relief to hear it. Hearing from your boss and the head of the group's company eradicated the last of the anxiety you felt about your ability as a teacher. “Thank you Mr Kim. I felt that I was succeeding in my role and I am glad to have that confirmed by the head of their company, but I do have to ask what he meant about my age?”

“Most translators or teaching staff that are brought in are older than you. Especially when it comes to English. There is a greater risk when idols are involved and most companies specifically request someone over 40 to be assigned so that there could never be any misunderstandings around the nature of the relationship.” He replied.

Your brow furrowed. “Then how did I get the job? I’m significantly younger than that, even if I’m still older than the members.” 

He smiled smugly. “Ah well that was me. I know companies prefer older staff, especially when they are working with the opposite sex, but I had a hunch that you would succeed where others had failed with EXO. Their CEO reluctantly agreed to trial you and had to admit he was pleasantly surprised after receiving the one month evaluations of the members progress.” 

Noticing that you weren’t going to add any more to that discussion, Mr. Kim moved on. He scrolled through the document until he reached the heading indicating the second criterion. “Before I move into discussing the external evaluations I would like to say that I am personally very impressed that you took on the feedback provided after your time with Blackpink and applied it to EXO. You managed to become more familiar with them and it shows in the reviews from the others. I strongly believe that this improvement is what made this job such a success for you.” He gestured towards you. “So I wanted to commend you on the large improvement in this area.”

You smiled. “Thank you Mr. Kim. Your advice was intrinsic to the development of the tailored lessons as well as my comfortability in becoming closer with the members so that we could work together to the best of our abilities.”

“As you know from the feedback from both managers and members, you exceeded expectations in this area, and everyone benefited from your approach. The CEO questioned whose idea it was for you to become closer to the members and expressed the concerns he had about it. Once I explained that it was feedback that you had been given from myself and the reasons why I felt it would improve outcomes, especially given your closeness in age to any 2nd or 3rd gen idols in comparison to the on staff teachers who were usually around the same age as the idols parents he understood. He stated that whilst he had his reservations about that kind of approach given the potential issues that could arise, dating scandals, sasaeng accusations, unprofessionalism etc. he could see how it worked in the members favour. The group had undergone quite a few hardships prior to this comeback, with members leaving and dating scandals damaging their public image. He stated that they were likely to be quite reserved and untrustworthy of someone new to their staff and that it would take a long time for them to begin to trust a new staff member. However, you managed to make them feel comfortable and not lose the authority you had over them as their teacher, whilst remaining respectful at all times. He said he was very pleasantly surprised by this.” He sat back in his chair while you processed his words. Mr. Kim had only had meetings with you a handful of times before this, but he already knew to let you take a moment while his words sunk in before having you respond. 

A weight lifted off your shoulders. Yes, you recalled the nature of the meeting you had with the managers and Junmyeon whilst overseas, but your brain had managed to twist their inarguably positive feedback into statements that you had turned over in your mind repeatedly as you second guessed every moment you’d spent with the members. Knowing that the CEO was reviewing all of the work you had completed overseas had stressed you more than you had realised. It was as if you could feel the tension leaving your body every time Mr. Kim read out his feedback. 

“I’m glad my efforts have been recognised, and that I’ve shown improvement in this area. I also understand the concerns their CEO had. We had meetings with the members and their managers regarding safety and security of both the members and myself to ensure no photos were snapped if we were not on a schedule. The last thing any of us wanted to do was bring negative attention to this working relationship. We also discussed at length the boundaries we should draw in order to not become overly familiar with each other and I believe that assisted greatly.” It wasn’t a lie as such. You really did have those meetings and you really did discuss those boundaries. It was just the managers weren’t present for the third meeting which involved you and the members working out how to put each other in line if any of you slipped and a glimpse of how close you really were slipped through. It was a miracle nothing ever happened in view of other staff or the public, but there were a couple of close calls. You’d all been very lucky in that regard.

Mr. Kim powered on. “On to the final point, we’ve never had any issues with your work ethic or professionalism, and neither have the members or managers. Their feedback was passed on to the CEO, who praised you for being available at short notice in order to fit with the members busy schedules. He was also very happy that the members did not abuse this clause in your contract but rather made sure the others were aware if one of them had required you early in the morning or late at night so that they could avoid overworking you.” Mr. Kim closed the document. “I’ll be honest, he got rather sidetracked at this point and spent a good ten minutes praising his EXO boys. I can assure you that he was very pleased with both your work ethic and professionalism. He agreed with the manager's statements that you clearly succeeded at your role, exceeding all expectations that were had of you.” He chuckled as he shook his head. “But once he starts talking about those boys it is hard to shut him up. You’d think they were his sons sometimes.”

You allowed yourself a pleased hum at the feedback you’d received. High marks in all areas of assessment. Exceeded expectations, exemplary results. “Thank you Mr. Kim. I’m very glad that my hard work paid off and that my approach was successful for the members.” You paused. “However, as much as I want to just bask in this feedback, I am too curious about my contract. Did their CEO happen to mention if he planned to renew my contract, or are you finding me a new group to work with?” You needed to know, and you needed to know like two weeks ago at this point. 

Mr. Kim, to his credit, did not outright laugh at your impatience. Instead he opened a drawer and pulled out a manila folder. “I understand that this must have been weighing on your mind these past few weeks.” 

You nodded. “You would be very correct.”

“He did come to a decision. I won’t draw this out as I can tell you just want me to get to the point. He was incredibly impressed by your determination and competency, and as we all know, the results speak for themselves. He does want to offer another contract, however it would differ from your current one.” He stated.

“How so?” You asked.

“Firstly, this contract would not commence until three months from now.” He explained. “They want you to continue your work with the company, working with all of their artists. EXO would take priority if and when they have any overseas schedules that would require them to speak English. The rest of the time you would assist whichever groups or artists he deems in need of your skills. You would also offer lessons in the company like you did whilst EXO were in Japan during your contract.” Mr. Kim slid the folder across the table for you to pick up and look over. 

“I am grateful to have the opportunity to continue to work with SM. Like I said in my meeting overseas, I have been treated exceptionally well by their company, its staff and idols and welcomed the opportunity to continue working with EXO, be assigned to another group within the company or as an in-house teacher/translator.” Well there it was, they had offered another contract. You could keep working for SM, potentially with the guys as long as their schedules required English, but you’d still be in the same building as them. There was a decent break before commencement which was nice, but you did have concerns about your income. Not working for three months would be a struggle for you financially. “I do have questions regarding the three month break in between contracts though.”

“I believe my next statement should cover whatever concerns you have.” He directed your attention to another section of the new contract. “During that time, SM has stated that they will contact you for freelance work if/when required but that you are also not exclusively bound to the label during that time, so you can assist other companies and artists. This will allow you to continue to earn income and gain further experience in this field. I will also say that you will find in the proposed contract that your fees have increased. I did not consult you on that, but felt that you had every right to request a higher rate given the success of your work thus far. I would encourage you to take a break for a couple of weeks, more if you wanted to take this opportunity to visit home, before letting me know you are ready for some more work with other artists. I do have one group in particular that I think would work for this short timeframe. They have not yet debuted but they do have varying levels of proficiency in English, varying from fluency to what is taught in our schools here.” He waved a hand in front of his face as he realised he’d said too much. “But that is a discussion for another date, I’m getting ahead of myself.”

You smiled, genuinely too. This was wonderful news and it settled a large part of your anxiety to have secured more work, especially work that would require little change. “Thank you Mr. Kim. I’ll take this contract home to review but it sounds promising. I think I will take a couple of weeks off to rest and recuperate, but I would like to request a clause be added to this contract. I understand that I may have some further changes to request, but I’m reasonably certain this one won’t already be in there.”

“What would that request be?” He asked.

“An allowance for one or two weeks of consecutive leave within the next 6 months for me to visit my family. I’m not ready to make a trip home yet, but I know I will be during that time period and I don’t wish to be told that I cannot go. I would provide sufficient notice for the leave, unless there was an emergency, so as to not hinder the progress of their artists' lessons.” In your mind it sounded reasonable, and you’d heard of difficulties with obtaining leave from work in Korea, so you wanted to safeguard yourself as best as you could. 

“I’ll have our lawyers make the addition. We’ll hold off sending it to SM until you’ve read through the contract and made any other amendments.” He stood and shook your hand. “You’ve done well so far, and I continue to be impressed with your work.”

The meeting ended shortly after that which you were glad for. The feedback was self esteem boosting, and proved to yourself that you had done a great job, that your hard work had not only paid off but had been noticed. You also managed to tell yourself that your closeness with the guys wasn’t the sole factor for your success, they really did suck at English before your lessons and whilst the sex during the rewards and punishments was great, you were pretty sure you couldn’t learn a language purely from fucking. Somewhere along the lines, your lessons struck a chord with them and they wanted to learn, so they did, and it stuck. That was a job well done by you. 

After you left Mr. Kim’s office you put your phone back in normal mode.The group chat had been busy these past few hours. Message notifications flooded your phone as you began the commute home. They had pinned a message so that you wouldn’t miss it once you finally checked your phone.

[11:48AM] Minseok: Please tell us when you finish your meeting. Kyungsoo wants you to come up for dinner so you can tell all of us what the outcome was. 

The messages after were a chorus of predictions and bickering. 

[11:51AM] Jongin: I think SM will do another contract.

[11:51AM] Sehun: Well duh. They’d be stupid to let her help our competitors.

[11:52AM] Jongdae: Noona could make some sweet demands if they offer a new contract.

[11:52AM] Kyungsoo: Yeah, make SM work for it. Lord knows they’ve fucked over too many idols in contracts. If they offer a new one MAKE A LAWYER LOOK AT IT.

[11:53AM] Yixing: Make demands of your own too. Make that thing benefit you, coz if they offer a new contract it means they want to stop you from working with other companies.

[11:53AM] Chanyeol: MAKE. SM. WORK. FOR. YOU. You’ll have the upper hand and they don’t want you to know that.

[11:54AM] Baekhyun: Yeah, fuck SM!!!

[11:54AM] Junmyeon: Guys… 

[11:54AM] Minseok: Idk man, all I see is valid points being made.

[11:55AM] Junmyeon: I… you were meant to be on my side Minseok.

[11:55AM] Minseok: I never promised that. 

[11:55AM] Minseok: Fuck SM. 

[11:56AM] Kyungsoo: So I think we might be doing the opposite of encouraging you to consider taking another contract with them if they offer. What we mean to say is, have someone look over the contract, make some demands (because they have to acknowledge your worth now) and know that our disdain for our company comes from the nature of idol contracts which are VERY different to the kind of contract you would be offered. 

[11:56AM] Junmyeon: Thank you!

[11:57AM] Kyungsoo: Stop making me do your job man. 

There were another 500 messages after that (which you did not read), but you made sure to send one as requested

[3:30PM] You: Holy crap that is a lot of messages. No offence but I am not reading through all of them. As requested, I’m letting you know that I’ve finished my meeting. I’m heading back to the apartment now. What time do you want me up there for dinner?

[3:30PM] Kyungsoo: Food should be ready at 7 PM. 

[3:30PM] You: I’ll see everyone then.

***

“Noona, can we talk before you come up for dinner?” You’d picked up on the first ring when you’d seen Baekhyun’s name pop up.

He sounded unsure of himself, which was a rarity. “Sure Baek. Is everything ok?”

“I think so? I hope so.” He groaned in frustration. “Ugh I don’t know.”

Now you were getting concerned. Was he ok? “What’s going on?”

“I’ve been thinking about everything you talked about last night and I think I understand why you had to just unload everything all at once to us.” He took a deep breath. “My brain has been working too much and making too many scenarios for me to keep up with.” 

Well that you could relate to. You really didn’t wish the clusterfuck that had been your thoughts over this past week on anyone, so you empathised with Baek if he was suffering with the downward spiral that too many thoughts inevitably brought. “I get that. Would it help if you just tell me everything?”

He was quiet for a moment as he thought over his options. Quite likely he was worried that speaking to you would only make things worse. That’s precisely what made you a nervous wreck before you word vomited all over their living room last night. “Maybe. Might make everything worse, I don’t know.”

You tried to sound reassuring. It was always easier for you to provide comfort in person or via text. Over the phone was some strange middle ground where you didn’t always stick the landing. “It’s just me. Since when have we ever not been able to talk to each other?”

“You’re right.” He said. “Fuck. Ok.” Yeah, he was nervous. Should you be nervous? Was he about to reject you? Was he going to confess? No. You needed to remain as calm as possible. He was the one allowed to freak out right now, not you. 

You pushed your growing anxiety down and said as reassuringly as you could. “I’m right here. Promise.”

You heard him take a steadying breath before he started speaking. “I guess I’ve been trying to work out where things stand between us.” He said. “It’s never just been friendship between you and I. There was always flirtation and we only got bolder with it as time went on until we had sex, which I know was as a result of my lesson, but I don’t know, we only had the lesson because we were about to fuck and you stopped it from happening until after that. I guess it felt like more than just because of the reward stuff I guess. It felt like something that was inevitable, like we were orbiting each other until we would ultimately collide.” He took a breath, meanwhile your heart was hammering in your chest. 

“I know we’ve discussed it and both agreed that there was something more there, some kind of feelings neither of us had addressed. I don’t know how you feel now, but for me, after we slept together those feelings only intensified. I still didn’t know what they were so I just assumed they were born from lust but when you asked for space and then went silent for days I realised that they weren’t feelings of lust. I realised that I care deeply for you and the very thought of you not being in my life hurt me to my very core. I know it was just sex for you and everyone else but for me, I can’t say for sure, but I think I like you as far more than a friend and would not be satisfied just being a fuck buddy. I know I said I would never entertain us ever being able to actually be a real thing but I want that so much that it is physically painful. I needed to tell you before we all talked tonight because I want to be selfish and pursue you myself but I don’t know where you stand. I don’t know if I’m making a fool of myself right now and you’re thinking of the nicest way to reject me or if you don’t know how you feel or if you feel the same. All I know is that I barely slept last night after I realised all of this and I had to say something.”

“Baek,” You started.

He didn’t let you get the words out, not that you even knew what those words would be. So maybe him interrupting you was for the best right now. “I know this is a lot to dump on you, I know that, but I needed to say it.”

You weren’t sure if you were ready to tell him everything you realised on your call last night. It was still too confusing. Still too fresh. But you also couldn’t leave him hanging with nothing after he just poured his heart out to you. “You know I have feelings for you, just that at the time I didn’t know what those feelings were.”

“Have you worked it out since then?” He all but whispered, as though he was scared of what your response would be. 

You couldn’t say it yet. You couldn’t say it until you believed it yourself. It wasn’t fair to him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to utter the words back to him. Not yet. “I think so but I’m not sure. I am so scared of ruining everything Baek.”

“I’ll let you think some more, but I want you to know that for me it is about much more than sex now. So think about how you feel and ask yourself if you feel the way you feel about me with anyone else?” He tried his best not to sound deflated, but you didn’t miss the pang of hurt in his voice as he spoke. He’d just confessed to you and whilst you hadn’t rejected him, you hadn’t reciprocated his feelings. You felt overwhelmed. You needed to say something, but what? What could you possibly say when you weren’t ready to admit how you felt, when you were too terrified to ask for what you wanted.”

You had to say something. For him, you couldn’t just leave him with nothing. “I -”

He cut you off again, though this time it was probably out of fear that you would reject his confession. “Don’t answer now. Just think about it and we’ll talk later. Bye noona.” He hung up before you could attempt to speak again.

You hung your head in shame. Why couldn’t you just tell him? You didn’t realise you were crying until you felt a tear hit your hand. You sank to the floor and let yourself cry for a few minutes, too overwhelmed with emotion to even try to stop the tears from falling. You felt guilty for not being able to tell him how you felt, for feeling like you were toying with his heart. This sweet, funny and endearing man, who had been so good to you. When he needed you the most, you’d choked. You didn’t deserve the feelings he harboured for you, how could you if you couldn’t even respond to him. How could you be deserving of that love when you all but pushed him away. 

By some stroke of luck your eyes weren’t too red or puffy when you checked them before leaving your apartment. You really hoped your night didn’t end with you returning to this apartment to cry over a ruined relationship. There was only one way to find out, and in order to do that, you needed to walk out your front door and head upstairs.

***

“Alright, how did the meeting go?” Sehun broke the silence that was permeating the dinner table. Everyone had greeted you when you’d arrived, and made some small talk about their day. That felt strange. You’d never lacked for conversation with these men, but now they seemed to be walking on eggshells around you and you weren’t sure if it was because they were trying to protect themselves or you from where this evening went.

Regardless, you decided to put on a brave face and do your best to hear them out without breaking down. You felt exposed, fragile and breakable. But you pretended otherwise as best as you could. You just hoped they couldn’t see through the facade. “Really well. The feedback was all very positive and everyone agreed that I did an excellent job. Your CEO expressed his concerns about my boss and the managers suggesting that we be more personable but he agreed that the fact that we did that probably served as a catalyst for the success of the lessons.”

“That’s fantastic news!” Jongin said, far louder than he or anyone else at the table were prepared for. Everyone, Jongin included, jumped a little at his volume. He muttered a bashful apology afterwards, stating that he was just really happy for you.

You smiled at him. He was so very different to what the general public saw when he was onstage. He was soft spoken and endearing beyond words. “I’m also really grateful for the feedback you guys provided. I didn’t get a chance to say it before so I’ll say it now, thank you. Your words meant so much to me.” It was the honest truth. You had no idea that they would be asked for feedback about your work, and while they could have provided generic positive feedback they didn’t. Instead they provided in depth feedback about your abilities and how well you had worked with them. You would be forever grateful for the kind words contained in their feedback.

Kyungsoo decided to add to the conversation, his soft yet commanding voice cutting through your thoughts. “Bias aside, you earned that feedback. We did our best to only give the facts and not let our friendship cloud our opinions of you.”

“You cannot deny that we sucked at English before you noona.” Chanyeol quipped, laughing as he spoke.

Junmyeon looked personally attacked by his words. “Speak for yourself!”

“No, he’s right. We were bad at it.” Minseok laughed. “Like really fucking awful.”

Yixing pushed the food around on his plate with his chopsticks. “Anyway, uh, not to be pushy or anything but did you talk about what’s next for you?” He briefly locked eyes with you before diverting his gaze back to his plate.

“Yeah we did. Uh, they offered me another contract.” You saw all nine heads suddenly turn towards you and felt their gazes on you. “I do have to read over it and make sure it's fair but essentially they want to put me on contract for another 2 years. If EXO has schedules requiring English, then me teaching you takes priority over other groups, otherwise I’m free to work with any artists under the SM umbrella. Your CEO may assign me a group to work with, or managers may request my help. If no one requests then I’m kind of an in-house teacher/translator.”

Jongdae grinned. “I’m not going to lie, I’m glad they offered you more work, they would have been idiots not to, but it does mean you won’t be a stranger.”

Minseok was more hesitant as he spoke.“What are your thoughts on it, just based on the offer given you haven’t read it yet.”

You sat back in your chair, contemplating your response. “I’ve only had good experiences with SM so far, so the offer sounds good to me. I know a lot of the staff, I know the building, the resources, I know some of the artists, obviously I know all of you and work well with you. It feels like a good choice over starting anew elsewhere and hoping that I’m treated as well as I am here.” You smiled a little. “Plus, I get to see you guys if I’m still here, that’s a bonus.” 

A smile finally formed on Minseok’s face. “I know we may have come across a bit brash earlier but,”

“Oh don’t worry. I already had a copy sent to a lawyer to look over it, and I also made a request for a leave allotment to be added into the contract.” You cut him off, already guessing what he was referring to from the earlier flood of messages. “Once I read through it myself I’ll discuss it with my lawyer and make any other changes that need doing then return it to Mr. Kim to negotiate for me.”

The unanimous response that came from all of them was creepily synchronised. “Good.” 

You thanked all of them for their kind words again. “The contract won’t start for a few months, so until then I’m likely going to be freelancing. Mr. Kim has an idea of another group I can work with briefly before I become exclusive to SM. I think I’m going to take a couple of weeks off before committing to any of that though. I need some time to recalibrate.” 

“Uh I guess that brings us to the elephant in the room.” Junmyeon said.

You waved your hands in front of you, not sure you would ever be ready for this conversation, but after how well the contract renewal offer had just gone you were apprehensive about the ‘what are we’ conversation. “Oh, we really don’t have to talk about it yet. I only mentally unloaded on all of you last night so if you need to take more time before discussing with me, please do.”

He chuckled awkwardly. “That’s the funny thing I think. Without really realising it we have discussed it over the past few months as things progressed.”

“Oh.”

He straightened in his seat and looked directly at you. “Yeah. We kind of realised that last night when we started trying to discuss it.” He shifted, trying to get comfortable in his head. That was the only sign you had that he was equally as nervous about this conversation as you were. “I think we should each just speak for ourselves and then go from there?” He offered.

All you could do was nod. “That seems fair.” This was happening. You weren’t sure you were prepared for it, regardless of what they said. 

“As the leader I’ll go first.” He shifted again, this time his eyes looked everywhere but you as he spoke. “I, well, uh, I’ve actually just started seeing someone. It’s very early days but I really like her and want to pursue things with her. My parents introduced us and weirdly we kind of hit it off, which is not what usually happens when my parents play matchmaker.” 

You thought you’d feel sad at being told someone wasn’t romantically interested in you, because that’s what this was right? He was dating someone and he really liked them. But rather than feeling like you’d been stabbed in the heart you felt happy for him. “So at present, pursuing anything other than friendship with you isn’t something I’m interested in. I also think we work better as friends and don’t want to lose the relationship we’ve got. We did have the least amount of sexual interaction so I don’t think it will have any impact on our friendship moving forward.” Once he finished speaking he lifted his gaze to you, apprehensively since he wasn’t sure how you’d react, but he visibly relaxed when he saw you beaming at him. “As long as a potential relationship with another member or members doesn’t leave anyone unsatisfied from the start then I give my blessings.”

“Are we going in age order?” Sehun asked.

Chanyeol replied. “That’s boring, just go in seating order.” 

“Fine.” Sehun sighed, resigned to his fate of being the next to speak. “Noona, I cannot deny that my punishment was fun and that I experienced more than I ever thought I would. But for me it was never that deep I guess.” He shrugged. “The punishment/reward was an opportunity to explore some fantasies with no strings attached with a person who I trusted. I think I’d be a shitty boyfriend to you as well, I can barely take care of myself, and it wouldn’t be fair to you to put up with that burden. I’m not boyfriend material yet.” He wasn’t wrong about that. He always turned up unannounced, never read the room, stole all your chocolates and sulked if he wasn’t the centre of attention. Well, not always, but it happened more than it probably should. Maknae privileges. “However, I am excellent bestie material. So I’d like to remain a very good friend to you.” You’d been rejected as a romantic partner but once again, you didn’t feel sad. Sehun was an excellent friend to have. He loved chatting so he always had good gossip and he was so beloved that he could almost get away with murder. He smiled softly at you, hoping you weren’t disappointed in his choice. 

Kyungsoo took a sip from his glass of water before grounding himself and speaking. “There are circumstances where I could see myself truly falling for you. You have a lot of the qualities that I look for in a partner. But I have to be truly honest with myself, and if I do that then I have to say that right now, I am so insanely career driven - both with music and acting. It doesn’t leave much time to fit in a relationship in a way that is fair to either person.” Logical reasoning. You understood that, but much like you had forced yourself to do last night, you wondered where his heart lay in this. “Our reward was incredibly fun, and something I would do again in a heartbeat, but it would be with no strings attached. I value your friendship above everything else and I also think that whilst you put poly on the table as an option, and it is not something I’m opposed to, I can’t ignore the fact that Baekhyun clearly has feelings for you that run deeper than I originally thought. So I think it would be unfair to pursue anything with you to see if feelings develop when one of us is already carrying that torch for you.” 

You were shocked. Baekhyun barely even reacted to Kyungsoo’s words, something that unnerved you. You could feel him staring at you. Was he that obvious to them? Had he told them? Kyungsoo wanted to simply remain friends, and if he wasn’t so aware of how Baekhyun felt then he would have been fine to have a friends with benefits kind of situationship going on. You weren’t really sure what to do with that information. It was very flattering, but did you want to entertain someone who wasn’t sure if they had feelings for you? 

Too impatient to wait to see if you were going to respond to anything that had just been said, Jongin began speaking. “You have been one of my closest friends since the start. You looked after me when the guys were on tour while I was injured and we hung out so much. I think we bonded over fried chicken and movies.” He smiled fondly at the memory. “You were one of the first people that I’ve met since we debuted who wanted to know me for me, not for who I was as an idol. I agree with hyung, there is a future where I could see myself falling for you under the right circumstances, you’re kind of loveable like that noona, but I would trade that possibility in an instant for your friendship. It means the world to me. I also think there’s one of us who has real feelings for you and it makes me giddy to think of the two of you together.” Did he also mean Baekhyun or was there another member harbouring feelings for you?

The chair next to Jongin scraped on the floor as Jongdae tried to adjust his sitting position. If he’d been going to cool, calm and collected - he’d failed. He looked stressed beyond belief. Was it him? Did he have feelings for you? “Ok so, like the others I cannot deny how highly I value your friendship,” Ok so not him then. “or the fact that I am a person with two working eyes and have spent too much time around Baekhyun to not notice his feelings for you.” You glanced at Baekhyun who still seemed to be checked out of the conversation, even with his eyes locked on you. His gaze was somehow blank and intense at the same time. Did he not care what anyone else was saying about you? Was he really going to be that selfish? He said he wanted you to himself but did that mean that if anyone else at this table confessed that you’d have to reject both of them? Because if he was going to be this indifferent, especially when they kept talking about his feelings for you, then surely picking one person would only lead to a rift forming within the group. “All of that said, I’ve also kind of been seeing someone. And I like her, like a lot, like an insufferable amount. 

Minseok saw the opportunity to chime in. “He dreamt about having kids with her last night.” He smirked.

Jongdae looked mortified. “SHUT UP. Um, yeah. So that’s a thing and I just want my friend who I can ask questions to when I’m about to fuck everything up with my possible future wife. God I sound lame, I’m just going to stop talking now.” He sunk down in his chair, put his forehead on the table and banged it against the wood a few times. Minseok and a few others tried really hard not to laugh at him, but they failed miserably.

Chanyeol’s eyes darted around the table as he decided to try and pull focus from Jongdae, who appeared like he was waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. “I uh, yeah I’m not dating anyone per se, but I’m also not looking to be tied down in a relationship right now.” Sehun snorted. “God, I sound like such a fuckboy saying that, but I think you kind of awoke some sort of confidence in me and I just want to play the field.” You heard a muttered “And absolutely no one is surprised you moron.” from Kyungsoo and had to stifle a laugh as Chanyeol continued to speak. 

“I care for you a lot, and I know one of us cares deeply for you so I want to leave things with us as friends. You’re interesting and fun to be around, you’re competitive in silly games and aren’t a sore loser. Hah, I could probably learn a thing or two from you there. Anyway, yeah. That’s me done.” Again someone saying that another member had feelings for you, but not specifying who. So did he mean Baek or did Yixing or Minseok also harbour feelings for you?  You were surprised how at peace you felt with everyone only wanting friendship from you - so far. Kyungsoo admitting he’d fuck you again in a heartbeat had shocked you. That man was usually much more reserved than that. 

Yixing was sitting next to you so he turned to you as he spoke. “Ah my sweet lady. I like you a lot,” He took your hand, his thumb caressing the back of your palm gently. “and honestly if I let myself I could so easily fall for you, but I’m also a workaholic to a fault. I have such high ambitions and drive for myself that I tend to fill up every minute I’m not on a schedule with more work.” He laughed. “If it weren’t for these guys, I’d probably forget to sleep.” He paused and you felt the room somehow grow even quieter. What the fuck was he about to drop on you that everyone else this still? “I’m also headed back to China in a few weeks and, ah this sucks,” He hung his head, clearly upset about having to leave Korea again. “I don’t know when I’ll get to come back this time. The political climate has never been great between our two countries but right now it is really tense.” 

Ah, that explained the feeling in the room. He was leaving and no one knew when or if he would return. You felt sad. You were going to miss him a lot, as were the rest of the guys. He always worked too hard when he was away from the group because no one on his team in China seemed to grasp how hard he would work himself unless they forced him to stop and take a rest. You returned your attention to the man in front of you. He sighed sadly. “So I’m going back and working on music as a soloist, working on some acting projects and would hopefully be back next year for our new album, but it's all kind of up in the air. I couldn’t burden you with any of the long distance crap and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to even try to date and explore any feelings we may have when there would be such difficulty actually seeing each other. It will be a big enough strain on our friendship so whoever does end up dating you has my full support as long as they let me smother you with hugs when I return.” You were confused. His words made it seem like if it weren’t for returning to China, that he would want to date you, but he hadn’t said that he had feelings for you, just that he could see himself having feelings. Was it kind of like Kyungsoo’s situation? You let go of his hand as Chanyeol pulled him backwards into a big hug.

Minseok tapped you on the shoulder to get you to turn towards him. He smiled softly at you then took a deep breath. “Alright then.” He started. You knew he hated airing his business in front of others so regardless of what he was about to say, it was likely stressing him out. “Ah, well you and I probably had the most sex out of the group given the fuck buddy arrangement we’ve had going on. It was mostly stress relief and if we weren’t to have a physical relationship anymore, I don’t think it would drastically change our relationship. I value my movie nights with you over sex so ultimately I don’t want to lose my friendship with you. I trust you implicitly and we’ve both seen each other's ugly sides and haven’t run away from them. I could see circumstances where we pursue a romantic relationship, but like yourself, I haven’t really allowed my feelings to come into play so I’d be content just being your friend.” He glanced towards Baekhyun, who was staring at you. “Like the others, I also cannot ignore Baekhyun’s feelings towards you. I in no way want to come between what could be something beautiful between the two of you.”

Baekhyun doesn’t speak. He hasn’t said a word since you set foot in the dorm and he hasn’t averted his gaze from you the entire time. You could feel it boring into you while everyone spoke. He hadn’t said anything to correct anyone about his feelings for you and it seemed like he had no plans to speak in front of them either. You gave him a few moments to see if he was going to say anything, and noticed the way the others all looked towards him when he chose to remain silent.

You decided to respond to everyone else. Just because Baekhyun was choosing to be silent for the first time in his life didn’t mean it was fair to leave the eight other men in the lurch after they had all just told you how they felt. They needed to know how you were feeling about everything. “Well ok, this makes everything easier. After we spoke last night I did a lot more thinking about our relationships and where I wanted to stand with each of you. I came to the conclusion that your friendship means more to me than anything else and so with that, I was going to say that I think it is for the best that we don’t sleep together anymore. It kind of worked out well that all of you landed on that conclusion as well. Like some of you said, there are circumstances where I could see myself falling for you, but I’m also aware of how that would not be fair to explore, given everything. I love each of you in my own way, and I’m so happy that I get to keep my friends.” You could actually hear the en masse exhale that they let out once they heard you speak. They hadn’t hurt your feelings and everything was going to be ok. “The only thing I’ll ask, actually no - it’s more of a demand at this point - is that you stop being so awkward around me now. Things can go back to how they were, just don’t cross the line into being too inappropriate.”

They all laugh and agree, and just like that the strange tension that had surrounded the dorm disappears. However, one cloud of tension remains, concentrated solely around Baekhyun. He dropped his gaze when you’d spoken and hadn’t lifted it from the floor since. If anyone was worried about Baekhyun’s silence, they didn’t show it. You’d have to take him aside and speak with him soon enough. You’d promised to talk to him tonight. 

You continued to tell everyone how happy you were that they all wanted to remain friends with you, whilst also pressing Junmyeon and Jongdae for details about their dating life. You can practically see the hearts in their eyes when they talk about the new women in their lives and honestly, you couldn’t be happier for them. Poly was a fun idea to put on the table but it was never going to work long term for these guys. Logistically, emotionally or publicly. So it was for the best that none of you decided to venture down that path. 

Once everyone began to disperse you moved towards Baek and asked “Baek, can we speak privately?.” He shrugged but didn’t say no. He didn’t say anything. You walked towards his room and he followed you. You weren’t sure what the shift in him was from earlier this evening. Earlier he seemed like he wanted to date you, but now he wouldn’t even look at you and he looked so dejected and sullen, like he was fighting off tears. “Hey, Baek. Are you ok?” You asked. You wanted to reach out to comfort him but you weren’t sure if that would make matters worse. You had no idea what he was feeling.

He nodded in response, still not uttering a word. 

“Sweetie, you need to speak to me if you want me to believe you.”

“I’m just.” He sighed, “I guess I’m just struggling. Like of course I want to keep you as a friend, not having you in my life would be too hard, but I guess I was really hoping you’d work out your feelings for me as more than that.” He stared at the ceiling as he tried to remain calm but you could tell he was beginning to crack. “I know it wouldn’t be easy dating me, not because of who I am as a person, but because I’m an idol. Like we’d have to be secretive and couldn’t be all couply and go on normal dates like normal couples and maybe you don’t want to date someone who has to hide you. It’s just hard coz I realised all these feelings recently and now I’ve gotta reconcile with them and stuff them away. Which I will do, you are too important to me to not still be friends, but not gonna lie, it’ll be hard for me for a while I think.”

He just wanted to be friends now? But when he’d spoken to you earlier, he said he wanted so much more than that. You were so confused. “Baek, what are you on about?”

His head snapped back to stare at you incredulously. “What am I on about?!” He exclaimed, clearly frustrated and hurt. “You just told all of us that you want to remain friends with us. After I told you about how I felt earlier. So I guess I am not doing great with the rejection ok?”

Oh. Oh. Oh no. He’d misunderstood horribly. You’d responded to the others because they’d spoken. None of what you said at the table was for him because he hadn’t spoken. “No, oh my god no, you’ve misunderstood.” 

He looked so hurt, close to breaking as he responded. “What?”

You tried to remain calm, hoping it would make him calm. “Baek, I want to remain friends with the eight of them. I didn’t want to announce my feelings for you in front of them because you weren’t speaking. I didn’t know if you’d told any of them how you felt or if they’d all just worked it out, but then you didn’t speak. You stared at me the entire time but then you said nothing.” You paused as you took a step closer to him. “Plus my confession should be for your ears only first.”

He staggered backwards, not at all prepared for the words you’d said. “Wait, what are you saying?”

You locked eyes with him and did not break eye contact as you spoke. You needed to be certain that he heard you loud and clear. You’d been too weak to say it earlier, even though you knew how you felt. He deserved to hear it hours ago, but you couldn’t turn back time, so hearing it now would have to do. “Byun Baekhyun, I like you, a lot. Way more than is healthy for me I think. I want you in my life, I want to have you as one of my closest friends but I also want so much more. I want to be able to hold you, flirt with you, do domestic as fuck things with you, date you in whatever capacity we can date. I know that won’t be easy, I’m not naive about the secrecy that dating would require but to me you’re worth it. I want all of you, and I don’t want to share my romance with anyone but you. I’m not against bedroom scenarios that involve guests but I want you and only you as the person I fall even further for.”

“Fuck.” He whispered.

“Yeah. I want to do a lot of that too. You have no idea, but this is supposed to be romantic, not a confession from a horny teenager.” You both laughed. “I don’t know when my feelings changed or if I’d just ignored the way I felt about you for a long time but once I sat down and thought about my options with all of you, and spoke very discreetly with my best friend back home, I realised how sad I was every time I thought of not being able to be anything other than a friend to you. For every other member I was fine with the prospect of just friendship, but with you, it made me inexplicably sad.”

“Are you sure? Because don’t get me wrong, I want this, but it would be stupid of me to not understand the reality of it. Like you said, we won’t be able to go out on dates like a normal couple. We would have to be so careful. So unbelievably careful.” He paused as he took a couple of steps towards you, closing the distance between the two of you. “I think at this point a dating scandal wouldn’t ruin my career nor would it ruin EXO, but I’d be so worried about you.” He reached out to brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his hand lightly resting on your cheek afterwards. His eyes shone bright with emotion. He cared so much about you. “People can be so cruel, and I don’t want to see you hurt by their words should anything leak.”

You placed your hand over his, your eyes glistening with emotion. You knew his feelings for you, and he knew how you felt about him yet he still took the time to worry when he could be kissing you. “I don’t know that there is any way to prepare for the hate that would come my way if something got out about us, but I think that unless there was evidence of us in some compromising position it would be easy for SM to deny the rumours. In some ways working for the company and with the group allows for us to be seen together. We’d just have to keep things very work oriented when we aren’t in the safety of our homes.”

Baekhyun let out a shuddering breath. “I’m, fuck, why am I scared?”

You smiled. “Because. We really like each other. Fear is natural when you have something to lose but I think that just means trying to hang on to that special thing, or person in this instance, is worth anything that could be thrown at us. I’d like to think you wouldn’t just abandon me the moment a rumour comes out.”

He shook his head instantly. “I wouldn’t. I promise.”

“Then yeah, I’m all in on trying this thing. You and I. Exclusive. Together.”

His eyes widened at your words, like he still couldn’t quite believe this was happening. All the bravado you’d seen throughout the rest of your relationship with him was gone. The man who stood before you now was Baekhyun stripped bare. He was beautiful, inside and out. You don’t know how you denied yourself these feelings for so long, but if you continued to do so the sheer weight of what you felt might just consume you. “Is this really happening?” He asked.

“It is if you agree to it.” You replied. You stared up at him as you waited for him to accept your feelings and close the gap between you.

He leant in. “I can’t believe you actually like me. Didn’t you once say I was the most annoying person in the world?” He whispered. He was so close you could feel the ghost of the movement of his lips as he spoke.

“Maybe you’ll be less annoying if I get to call you mine.” Did he expect you to kiss him? Was he waiting for you to make the first move like you were waiting for him to do? 

“Oh. No. That’s where you’re wrong.” He smiled against your lips, the sensation of them touching but not kissing you was driving you insane. “I will be even more annoying if I’m yours.” His hand moved from your cheek to the back of your head, holding you in place.

“Still a risk I’m willing to take.” Baekhyun’s fingers tightened against your neck, stretching up into the edges of your hairline. He felt like he was trying to bring his own body as close to yours as possible. 

You waited for him to agree to date you, but he kept seemingly dodging a response. It was beginning to make your anxiety spike. What if he really liked you, admitted his feelings, yet still did not want to date you? Could you handle that? You didn’t think you could, not after laying your heart on the table for him like that. “Baek?” You asked.

“Yeah?” He replied as his free hand snaked around your waist, pressing your bodies against each other. You could feel your heart hammering in your chest as your breath hitched. 

“Please don’t leave me hanging.” You pleaded. You needed to hear him say it now that he knew how you felt. You felt light headed, and like your knees might buckle.

“What?” He sounded confused. The butterflies in your stomach felt like they were caught in a hurricane for how tingly you felt.

“I’ve told you what I want, confessed my feelings to you. B-but, you. You haven’t -” You struggled to get the words out.

He must have realised what you were trying to say as his grip on you tightened. “Fuck! Sorry noona, shit. I want to date the hell out of you.” You could feel how hard he was miling against your mouth as he spoke. “I’m excited for all the silly domestic things we can do. I want to buy couple pyjamas for us. I want to smother you with kisses and affection as much as I can when we are alone. If I don’t, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle my shit in public. I’m scared. I’m so so soooo happy, also a bit horny but that’s nothing new, mostly I’m just waiting to wake up from this dream.” You could feel yourself tremble, all the pent-up anxiety and fear and self-loathing having no other way to exit your body. The physical manifestation of the nerves wasn’t something you could control.

“Well could you hurry up and kiss me then?”

“Gladly.” Baekhyun closed the nonexistent gap between you as he pressed his lips against yours. The kiss started out softly, carefully and full of what could be referred to as love. He was kissing you with all the pent up emotion that he was now allowed to set free. You’d never been kissed like this before. Never been kissed in such a way where you could feel the emotion being poured into you. You felt desperate for him. It felt so good.

Baekhyun pressed harder against you as he kissed away all of your worries and doubts. You could feel how much he wanted you, more than just sexually, as his tongue swept across your lips, requesting entrance. You granted it readily, equally needing to devour him and reciprocate how you felt about him through the kiss. The raging butterflies in your stomach had morphed into tingling sensations that fluttered across every nerve ending. 

He pulled back just enough to cradle your face in his hands as he gazed at you with so much affection that you felt like you might combust. “I feel like I’ve gone crazy,” he chucked. “He didn’t allow you space to speak before jumping in to continue kissing you. 

You continued to kiss and hold each other for a while, trying to make up for lost time as you attempted to express every emotion via kisses. Some soft and loving, others rough and demanding. It’s you who pulled away the next time, as you both tried to catch your respective breaths. “We should tell the others.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, and then can we please go to your apartment? I just want to spend time with you. I don’t care if we just hold each other and make out or if we do more, I just want to be close to you.”

“That sounds perfect to me.” You pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before you grabbed his hand. “Let’s go before we change our minds and they find us in here.” 

The two of you headed back out towards the living area hand in hand. The others all appeared to be caught up in various discussions but they stop once someone notices yours and Baekhyun’s intertwined hands. Baekhyun cleared his throat, unable to keep the smile off his face as he exclaimed. “We’re dating, and I hope all of you can be happy for us because, speaking for myself here, I’m really happy right now. I thought I’d lost her earlier tonight but as usual I misunderstood.” He smiled down at you. “Thank fuck it was a misunderstanding, otherwise all of you would be dealing with me being mopey and heartbroken.” 

One by one the members got up and came forward to embrace the two of you. You were over the moon with the outcome from this evening. You’d secured a new contract, didn’t have to move companies, got to keep some of the best friends you’d ever had and gained a boyfriend. Pretty productive night if you said so yourself. However, you couldn’t help but notice that neither Minseok or Kyungsoo had approached the two of you since Baekhyun’s announcement.

In fact, neither of them were even in the room. Suddenly the lights dimmed and the two missing members entered the room, holding a cake. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday. What was the cake for? As they got closer you heard the other members giggling and grew suspicious. Any of these men giggling was never a good sign. Finally the cake came into view as the two of them stood before you and Baekhyun. “Yah!” Baekhyun laughed as he tried his hardest to sound mad. “Did you fucking plan this?!”

“Dude, you could not have been more obvious in your affections as far as we were concerned. “Kyungsoo deadpanned. “After we all talked last night it became pretty obvious that none of us felt the same way you did, and whilst some of us could see ourselves reaching that point, we weren’t there now. We were always expecting you to confess, and well, noona, you were always closer to Baek than any of us. There was always something brewing under the surface there so we had faith that you’d reciprocate his feelings. So we figured baking a cake for the occasion was a sure bet.” 

“You did have us worried when you didn’t say a single word at the table but I’m glad to see it all worked out. We did change the message on the cake just in case you hadn’t confessed to each other by the time you came back out of the room.” Minseok smirked. You finally diverted your gaze to the cake. And laughed. You laughed so hard that you struggled to breathe.

Hurry up and confess to each other so we can celebrate.

“This was your amendment?!” You managed to splutter in between laughs.

Kyungsoo grinned. “Yeah. The original message said Congratulations on realising your feelings.” 

“I hate all of you, just so you know.” Baekhyun grumbled, though it was not even remotely convincing what with the huge smile on his face.

“You love us.” Minseok said. “And we’re very happy for you.”

“Now eat the damn cake. I baked it with love.” Kyungsoo said as he thrust the cake towards the two of you.

“You baked for us?” You asked as you smiled.

“Of course I did. I’d only let the others bake if I wanted you to be poisoned. I don’t know how he’d manage it but Junmyeon could give you food poisoning even if all the ingredients were in date. What do you take me for, a monster?” He replied, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

***

After the cake had been eaten,you and Baekhyun decided that it was time to take your leave and head down to your apartment for the night.  You made your way around the room to bid each of the members goodnight, and to give each of them a warm hug. You held Yixing extra tight, promising to come have a movie day with him before he had to return to China. You also made him promise to schedule video calls with you so you could keep in touch. He swore that we would and you planned to hold him to that promise.

Minseok walked the two of you to the door. The three of you chatted easily as you and Baekhyun put your shoes on. You were enveloped in a strong embrace as Minseok held you and told Baekhyun to take good care of you because you now had eight friends who would gut him if he hurt you. The weight of his words was diminished when he posed the exact same threat to you. Baekhyun laughed at his protective hyung, cooing at how cute he was for threatening the two of you. 

He didn’t let go of you as he reached out to playfully slap Baekhyun. To his credit, Baekhyun let the two of you have your moment as he watched you both silently. 

You should have known better. Silence and Baekhyun were never a good mix. “So what if I want Minseok to join in every now and again?” He said as though he was talking about the weather.

“What?!” You both spluttered.

Baekhyun shrugged. “Noona, Hyung, you should see your faces.” He giggled. “I’m only half kidding though.”

“Yeah, you are going to have to say more than that dude.” Minseok groaned.

Baekhyun smiled at both of you. “I don’t know about either of you, but if I had to take a wild guess - we all had a better than good time during hyung’s reward. I’m just not opposed to something like that happening again, obviously not a frequent thing, but yeah. I’m sure you are more than capable of taking charge in the bedroom noona but it was really fucking hot watching both of you and being told what to do. So uh, yeah, just saying I’m happy to leave that door open for a future session.”

“Baek, you can’t just say things like that as though it's normal conversation.” You replied.

“What made you decide to bring that up now of all times?” Minseok asked as you spoke.

“To answer noona - Is that a no to my idea then? Coz like, that’s also fine. To answer hyung - I was reminded of it when the two of you were hugging.”

Minseok shook his head at the younger man. “You’re fucking weird dude.” 

“You like it.” Baekhyun quipped.

“I don’t dislike it.” He agreed. “Look, I’m down as long as it doesn’t become weird. It was fun, it was deeply satisfying and it was hot, but not something I’d be willing to ruin our friendships over.” 

You finally found some words, not quite believing where the night had taken you. “I feel the same. So uh, I guess at such a time when we want to involve a third, we know who to call…”

“This cannot be my life.” Minseok shook his head in disbelief and pointed towards the door. “Can you two leave already so I don’t get sprung with any more headache inducing conversation topics?”

Baekhyun grabbed your hand and led you through the door. “Let’s go angel.”

You were content, more than content as you stepped across the threshold with Baekhyun, who was now your boyfriend, you supposed. You’d have to discuss labels later. You wanted to spend the entire night in his arms, and like him you did not care if that was while you watched movies, played games, talked, or expressed your feelings for each other in a much more physical manner. All you knew was you felt right, you felt loved and cherished and you felt like you were in a state of utter bliss. 

A/N: Thank you if you've stuck with me over the course of the past 7 years. I simply don't have the words to express my gratitude to everyone who made it to this point of my lil fic. Well it was supposed to be little. It was supposed to be 9 chapter of pwp and only take me a couple of months to write but then all of this happened. I grew as a writer through this fic and explored different aspects of what I could write. I'm proud of this fic and glad that it didn't become another one of those unfinished fics on the internet.

It would mean the world to me if you could leave a comment. I love you all.

[pyromanick]

— papai noel, eu quero esse uber! | baeksoo

[dilxcc]

ordinary days ᡣ𐭩 doh kyungsoo

domestic fluff, living the best life with kyungsoo, hes so in love with you tbh, grammatical error

kyungsoo x reader!

a/n this was totally not inspired by his song. also, testing if it was just a new account thing or my fic really sucks and people dont read it 💀 this was also posted at @jonginbear

the soft humming of kyungsoo as he danced around in the kitchen, cooking to his heart's content. he was alone in your apartment while you were out at work. despite your absence, he still showed up at your apartment, wanting to try out a new recipe he had come up with last night.

it explained why his eyes has a light dark circle.

the clanking sounds that came from the kitchen utensils filled the quietness. it calmed his excited heart from bursting. not a while later, he finished up his cooking and started to wash the dishes.

it was always like this with kyungsoo. your house was always tidied up whenever he's around. he couldn't stand seeing how disoriented you are.

the soft click from the door perked his ears up. it was just in time that he had finished setting up the table. your nose immediately picked up the delicious smell coming from the kitchen. "hey," kyungsoo smiled, his wet hands were wiped clean on the apron that he has yet to take off. his cute dimples showing from smiling too hard.

"hey," you returned his smile. he walked up to you and kissed your cheeks. "what did you cook?" you asked softly, taking off your coat and threw it on the couch. "a new pasta recipe," he said proudly. "i made it more spicy for you," he said, pulling out the chair for you. you gratefully took a sit all the while watching him take off his apron.

kyungsoo sat across the table, ready to eat his newly made recipe.

after dinner, both of you sat on the couch, huddled up close to each other and feeling content. you lay your head on his chest, wanting to listen to his calm heartbeat. his arm were wrapped securely around your waist and he nuzzled his nose in your hair.

likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated <3

© dilxcc

[kodalindissima]

CARTOMANTE

baekhyun + kyungsoo - exo psd heavenly @colour-source credite em caso de inspo visse?

[jongbross]

hello may i request matching couple items headcanon with exo? thank you <3

xiumin:

minseok would have matching mugs with you. as a big fan of coffee, he would go shopping with you one day and lose himself at the store. when he's back, he has two grey mugs with little drawings that complete each other. "look what i found! it's cute, don't you think?"

suho:

junmyeon would definitely have matching phone cases with you. he has a good collection of cases, so it would only be natural for him to receive a package one day and say "love, come see it!" - and when you appear behind him, you see two star wars phone cases with the words "i love you" and "i know". 🥹

lay:

i think yixing would either have matching necklaces or matching earrings with you, it just fits him. maybe he would be preparing to travel for a press tour, and before he leaves, he takes you out on a date and gives you a little box with a cute silver necklace, a tiny, shiny pendant on it. when you look at him, he pulls his own necklace from inside his shirt. "we're matching", yixing would say, with a big smile on his face.

baekhyun:

definitely matching shirts. baekhyun would tease you, looking online for corny matching shirts for couples - like those with bright colors and funny sayings. he would loooove to see you annoyed, rolling your eyes at him. in the end, baek would buy simple, minimalist matching shirts in a dark color - "we don't need to drought attention to our love, people would be jealous that you have me and they don't".

chen:

matching bracelets!!! the idea probably wouldn't be his, maybe jongdae would see someone doing it and just tell you "hey, what if we do it too?". next thing you know, you two would be at his couch on a sunday afternoon, making diy bracelets for each other - something that he would never, ever take it off.

chanyeol:

this man screams matching sneakers to me. chanyeol loves buying new shoes, and at some point he would start to look at a few sneakers and think that maybe they would fit you - and then it hits him. what if you two had matching sneakers? it would be nice, right? and this new nike air force is just sooo cute, isn't it? 🤭

d.o:

kyungsoo is a simple guy, he doesn't like to go too big for a lot of things - and one of them is matching items. i feel like he would maybe buy something small, like a keychain, at one of his trips. he would see the two keychains completing each other and instantly think about you. "i thought of you - and look, i have one too", kyungsoo would say, hoping you would like it.

kai:

soft, sooooft boy. jongin would definitely have matching pajamas with you, with cute little things all over it - his would probably have little brown bears, while yours would have little dogs or cats on it. jongin absolutely loves to sleep and to have comfortable clothes on, so the moment you said you needed a new pair of pajamas, he went "oh my god, i know just the place!"... and then you two left with two bags each.

sehun:

where the fuck is gifs from sehun on at sg photoshoot?

deep inside, sehun is a child - we all know that. so i absolutely think he would love the idea of having matching toothbrushes with you! the idea would be yours, but he would laugh his ass off once he saw it. "i want the spongebob one" "nope, that's mine" - as he grabs and puts in his mouth. "sehun, you didn't wash it!!!"

[exouniverse]

Not by Happenstance

Pairing: kyungsoo x gn reader

Genre: fluff, angst, established relationship

Warnings: none, but if you find any please let me know.

Summary: Kyungsoo wakes up feeling lonely on his birthday, knowing you were not coming back on time, but well-intentioned friends whisk him away for a day full of surprises. Although the most important one was patiently waiting for him back home.

Word count: 3K+

A/N: I just had to add the angsty feelings, but I hope it stayed balanced. I had the idea after hearing Kyungsoo do the cover of Falling Like the Stars by James Arthur. Another happy late birthday, Kyungsoo!

MASTERLIST | MOODBOARD

The alarm went off, but while Kyungsoo would usually wake up right then and start off his day, this time he remained curled on his side, sighing as he burrowed deeper under the covers.

Gentle rays of sunlight touched his face, yet he kept his eyes closed as the alarm was still going off, wishing for a few more minutes of sleep. It wasn’t exhaustion weighing on him, but an intrusive longing for your warm embrace and smiles that greeted him constantly.

Soo, I’m so sorry. I’m afraid I won’t even make it on time for your birthday.

Your words kept echoing in his head. It’s not like he’s obsessed with birthday celebrations, but you’ve been away for so long already that the holidays were too monotonous for him.

He actually hates being too clingy—he really tries not to be—and he understands more than anyone how patient and considerate you have been before waiting for him when he is the one away. Kyungsoo groaned at his self-pity thoughts, grabbing his phone from the counter to finally turn the alarm off.

It’s his birthday, and while you couldn’t be there quite yet, your return would be all the sweeter for waiting. Belated birthday celebrations are fun too; it’s not the end of the world not having you there on his specific special day.

But he could still see you in every corner of his house. He smiled, noticing your coat and scarf still hanging inside his closet. You never seem to get those back or end up replacing them with other pieces of clothing as the seasons change.

He jumped out of bed, fixed on starting his day right, and tried to ignore his phone, which was already flashing with text notifications from Chanyeol. It had started at midnight, but he had already turned on the do not disturb setting. Chanyeol’s teasing would not be welcomed during his peaceful morning, even though a tinge of curiosity piqued within him to know what his texts could be about.

After showering, Kyungsoo's face lit up with a smile as his lovely dogs, Hoochoo and Meokmul, greeted him upon stepping out of his room with his hair still damp. He kneeled to accept sloppy dog kisses; their affectionate natures never failed to lift his mood. He filled their bowls with fresh water and food, tending to their needs before heading to the kitchen to prepare his own breakfast.

Kyungsoo chuckled softly when he saw your favorite snacks and ramyeon in the cupboards, still untouched. He’d stocked up eagerly for your planned week together, thinking you were coming on the sixth.

It dawned on him why he had been feeling so blue these past few days, since he would be busy with work after his birthday and not be able to see you regularly again.

With a shake of his head, he began to prepare his breakfast. The fresh coffee aroma filled the kitchen, complementing the eggs he was frying along with some savory kimchi. Cooking made him happy; it would’ve been better if someone else were there to share the food with, but so far he was content with how his day was going.

He set his toasts and kimchi eggs, accompanied by some leftover japchae and soy bean sprout soup. As he was about to fill his cup with coffee, the doorbell rang, leaving him puzzled since he was not waiting for anyone to come.

“Kyungsoo-yah! Let me in.” Chanyeol’s voice came through the speaker, and the dogs started barking excitedly.

He wondered if Chanyeol somehow managed to hack his video doorbell and speak through it because he had ignored his texts. Silly Kyungsoo, he knew that Chanyeol wouldn’t ever be clever enough to pull that off. Chanyeol would obviously resort to more annoying methods, like showing up at his house unannounced.

Kyungsoo hesitated, but his friend’s voice kept coming through along with the ring of the doorbell. He made his way to the entrance but only talked to Chanyeol through the speaker. “Why are you here, Chanyeol?”

“Happy birthday, Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol said it in a singsong.

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Thank you, bye!” he joked.

Chanyeol kept ringing to annoy Kyungsoo even more and get him to let him in, but Kyungsoo had opened just at the same time that he rang, so Chanyeol didn’t notice at first. “You’re going to break it; just come in,” Kyungsoo uttered.

“Are you ready?” Chanyeol entered, almost jumping out of his shoes and going straight to the kitchen. He greeted the cheerful little dogs on his way, who were the only ones who seemed truly happy to see him. “Smells pretty nice in here.”

Kyungsoo rushed to close the door and find Chanyeol before he could take anything from your snacks since he also loves the same types of bean chips. Luckily, he was only taking a look at the toasts for his breakfast. “Ready for what?” Kyungsoo finished pouring some coffee into his cup. “Want some breakfast?” he asked as he saw him looking for a bowl.

“I could eat some,” Chanyeol mumbled. “I brought you seaweed soup; my mom made some for you.” He offered a warm smile, winning one back from the lonely birthday boy in front of him.

The container was small but seemed spacious enough to have soup for both of them, so Kyungsoo grabbed two medium-sized bowls from the storage. “Go ahead and eat what’s already served. I can make some more toasts for me.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “I can make toasts, eat your breakfast. I’ll serve the soup; it’s yours. I won’t eat any.”

Kyungsoo settled down at the table with his food and coffee, amused by his friend’s response. From a distance, he could sense the wheels turning in Chanyeol’s mind; whatever scheme he had planned, Kyungsoo was actually grateful for his taller friend’s happy virus energy to accompany him during the day.

Chanyeol sat in front of Kyungsoo, flashing him a small, mischievous smile before he dug into the delightful breakfast. Kyungsoo missed that gesture as he stopped Meokmul from climbing onto his lap.

As they ate and chatted, Kyungsoo seemed more and more at ease. Chanyeol caught him cracking a genuine grin at one of his silly jokes. “There’s that smile!” He teased. “Now finish that toast—we’ve got a full day ahead of us.”

Kyungsoo squinted at him suspiciously. “You still haven’t told me what you’ve got planned.”

The laugh that escaped Chanyeol was not at all convincing for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo felt uneasy about Chanyeol's hidden secret, as he didn't want to be left in the dark. However, his patience hadn’t yet run out, so he decided to wait just long enough to get at least a clue before Chanyeol could drag him out of his house.

“You just trust me; you’re gonna love it.” Chanyeol stood up and took Kyungsoo’s emptied dishes. “I’ll clean this; you go put on a coat or something.”

Kyungsoo was hesitant at first, but he made sure to watch from afar for any hint that his friend could let slip while he was busy with the dishes.

His phone was still flashing with texts from his friends, so he checked all of their messages. He laughed silently as he saw the insistent ones from Chanyeol to let him in, as well as the funny birthday wish at midnight. His smile grew as he saw texts from fellow actors and idols, but his heart fluttered once he saw yours.

You: Happy birthday 🥳😘 wishing you all the fun and love you deserve on this day. I know I’m away, but I’ll be with you in spirit no matter what you do 😌 you are in my heart always. I love you so much, see you in a bit 😉🫰

Kyungsoo glanced up, a tenderness in his look that only the sun could witness. Your words warmed him up even more than the cozy clothes that he changed into, anticipating any activity that his friend could have planned.

Thrilled, he made his way back to the kitchen. He had almost forgotten about his friend’s suspicion, but his whispering on the phone served as a reminder. “What was that?” Kyungsoo asked, “are we meeting someone? Why—“

“Kyungsoo! Why are you—“ Chanyeol was a little startled because of his sneaky friend. “Hey, just wait there,” he said as he ended the mysterious call. “Baek will join us, and that’s all I’ll say.” He chuckled tauntingly.

So the two menaces were accompanying him. Kyungsoo just laughed softly, letting things flow their course. For a second, he considered texting Junmyeon back on his offer for lunch, but somehow, Chanyeol’s plans seemed interesting.

It was satisfying to see the white blanket of snow covering the streets while the sun battled to defrost the glistening icicles on top of the bare tree branches. At least the weather was nice and managed to cheer him up even more, somehow matching his friends antics and the eagerness of their dogs.

The park came into view as they drove along the bridge, and Kyungsoo smiled, knowing that Chanyeol was taking them to a park for their dogs to have some fun too. He will take care of making a snowman out of Baekhyun as payback for all the teasing he’s been doing during the car ride.

The dogs were eager to get out of the car once they managed to get a spot in the parking lot. Baekhyun’s corgi, Mongryong, even let out a joyous howl, asking to be let out.

Kyungsoo’s mood lifted even further with their enthusiasm. The park wasn’t crowded since it was quite early, so he released their leashes, giving the dogs permission to romp.

After some time playing with their pets, Kyungsoo heard a notification ding. He briefly excused himself for a little privacy, as he wished it was you, but it had been a message from Woobin.

“Hey, birthday boy!” Baekhyun’s voice distracted him, but he looked back at his phone to answer his hyung’s message.

He opened your text again, intending to reply when you were back online. Unfortunately, despite your lovely birthday wishes, you still didn’t seem to be around. He decided to simply send his reply for you to check later, along with some pictures of the dogs playing with his friends.

Soo: Thank you baby! ❤️😊 you won’t believe how your wishes came true 😆Yeol and Baek dragged me out to Seoul Forest with our pups. I’m having fun tho

Baekhyun playfully shook Kyungsoo’s shoulders, trying to make him go back. “Come, Soo! Don’t get lost, little penguin.”

Kyungsoo turned to level him with his most lethal glare. Though not the tallest among them, Kyungsoo possessed a presence that commanded respect, making Baekhyun shrink back instinctively and realize it was time to flee. Kyungsoo ran around trying to catch him to finally turn him into a snowman.

The dogs followed them, with Chanyeol on tow, trying to make them all stop since snow was starting to fall quite heavily. Baekhyun stopped first, making Kyungsoo bump into him. Kyungsoo was breathless from running and laughing, but he managed to get Baekhyun on the ground.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo moved the snow around them, making snow angels as Chanyeol laughed. “Guys! Look up; we might need to go find shelter or go back—“ The ringing of his phone stopped him.

Chanyeol looked at the caller’s name and excused himself for a minute. He was almost whispering to the person on the other end, but Kyungsoo managed to listen to one sentence before Chanyeol walked farther away. “We’re going now then!”

Kyungsoo was truly enjoying Chanyeol’s plans, but he was too curious about who he was talking to on the phone so much. He unmistakably guessed it was Baekhyun earlier, but he is now right in front of him, playing along with their dogs.

The flakes started to whirl downward in swift blizzards, making the wind pick up pitch. They knew there was no stopping the snowstorm, so Chanyeol called out that it was time to get back home and stay safe before it would be too dangerous to drive.

Surely enough, after a quick stop at Baekhyun’s house, traffic began to slow down as it became harder to mobilize because of the snowfall.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay out there?” Kyungsoo asked before he got out of Chanyeol’s car. “You can stay until it’s clear.”

Chanyeol managed to contain his laugh and only pulled off a warm smile at his friend. “Nah, I’ll be okay. And perhaps, you know how much I love your dogs but the allergies might kick in and I need my meds.”

Kyungsoo nodded, understanding. They could also go and buy some, but it did seem like there was no stopping the snowstorm, and Chanyeol would be a lot safer in his own house.

“Hope I managed to lift your spirits for a bit. Y/N will come back soon; cheer up!” He winked and put his thumb up.

Kyungsoo seemed to not catch the clue, but as they reached his apartment, his dogs had a surge of energy. Hoochoo sniffed below the door while Meokmul barked up at him, as if trying to let him know something.

He only grew worried, thinking they were hungry because he hadn’t taken enough treats to the park, so he hurriedly entered his house as the dogs pulled on their leashes. He swiftly removed their gear as he hung his winter coat and beanie to leave them to dry.

The dogs kept barking and whimpering, but it took on a happy tone; soft shushing and whispers accompanied them, along with Kyungsoo’s hopeful racing heartbeat.

You were back.

You were here.

Kyungsoo stared in awe, stopping for a second to check if it could be his hopeful mind playing tricks on him. But as his watery eyes focused and took you all in, his lips curled into the widest of smiles.

He walked over slowly, taken by a rush of emotions. Your heart almost broke at the sight, but he reassured you that he was okay, chuckling between a couple of sobs.

The embrace didn’t take you by surprise, but he almost made you both fall to the ground. In that perfect moment, with you cradled safely in his arms, Kyungsoo found he had no words. All the lonely nights spent yearning for this very feeling evaporated as a warm and overwhelming emotion rose within his chest.

He buried his face deeper into your comforting scent, his fingers clinging onto you with a tighter hold than intended, but you made no attempt to break free from his trembling embrace. Your own hands stroked his back tenderly, soothingly, as if to say, “I'm here; it's really me. I've returned to you.”

After what felt like an eternity, Kyungsoo finally found the strength to pull back, his glistening eyes hungrily scanning your face, re-memorizing each cherished feature. His lips parted, but his thoughts eluded him; the snowstorm outside served as an illustration of the swirling emotions of gratitude, disbelief, and joy within him.

Sensing his struggle, you graced him with a tender yet radiant smile, one hand rising to cradle his cheek. "I've missed you too," you breathed, the simple words conveying so much.

At the sound of your voice, Kyungsoo's hesitancy crumbled, and he claimed your lips in a kiss that poured forth every unspoken emotion.

Breathless, you parted, but hesitant small kisses lingered upon your lips. You laughed as you gently kissed his chin, tracing over his lovely beauty marks, while Hoochoo playfully tugged at your pants.

“How are you here?” He finally asked, taking your hand and leading you to the sofa, where you cuddled with the two adorable poodles.

You continued to laugh, and he cupped your cheeks. His hands felt a little cold, so you covered them with yours. He lovingly pushed your cheeks up and down, as if he were still trying to convince himself that you were really there. His five senses were now aware of your return, but it still felt like a dream in his heart. It was only when he felt your fingertips dry a couple of tears that he fully assimilated your presence.

“I might need a couple or more cups of coffee to stay awake, but I managed to come back sooner.”

He pulled off a shy smile. “Oh, baby. You didn’t have to…”

You still felt his hands being cold, so you softly grabbed both of them and tried to wrap them in your warm ones. “No, I needed to. I wanted your birthday to be perfect.” You kissed each of his hands. “I wish you could’ve gone to all the places I had in mind for you and your friends, but the snow was pretty heavy.”

Kyungsoo shook his head, trying to comprehend your words. “Wait, wait… you planned-you asked Chanyeol to come and all—“

“Yes, kinda! He was visiting you, so I asked him if he could help, and he accepted quite easily.”

He gazed at you, filled with wonder and affection. “So Junmyeon hyung’s lunch invite, and Minseok hyung wishing we could’ve gone bowling, and Jongdae saying he’d stopped by to bring me a gift—“

“And all of the people who sent you any text other than to just wish you a happy birthday. I was planning on throwing you a small party when you came home, but the snowstorm happened and everyone got stuck, so I had to cancel.”

“Wow! How? Did you know you’re amazing?” He chuckled and tenderly kissed your jaw. “I think this is better though. Having you back and everyone else here… you would have been distracting.”

Curling into your embrace, he rested his head on your chest, listening to the sweet sound of your heartbeat. The furry little ones nestled around the two of you, sighing contentedly.

“This is all I need. Just being with you… you were my birthday wish.” Smiling softly, he tilted his face up for a tender kiss. At last, all he yearned for was no longer far away from him. His smiles were easier to pull off now that he got you back just in time.

[kcake555]

D.O cake 🍰

exo

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Rat Bastard - Part 9

Pairing: You x Kyungsoo 

Rating: M (Mature Smut)

Word Count: 9300

Warnings: There were too many beds, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Idiots to Lovers, Angst, Potentially Triggering Sexual Content, The Reckoning, why do even have these condoms

Tag: @ilovemyapopbaby

Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

You wanted to run away. 

You wanted to hide away. 

You tried your best to do it and you got as far as the first step off of the front concrete patio of this old storm shelter. The ground below that step was filled with water and the first rash step you’d taken down filled your shoe with filthy muddy water that you sunk down into. Its suction pulled you down deep enough to feel the mud squishing in between your toes. With the next step, the thick mud kept your shoe. You abandoned the other one for the sake of your balance and retreated back up onto the very last step, keeping your presence of mind enough to rinse the mud off your feet. Your shoes would be lost. 

You only needed a moment. A few moments maybe and you’d get it under control. You didn't have to be crying right now. But it was hard. Your pride was so hurt. Your heart ached and your stomach burned. You felt like you’d given too much away with the question you'd asked him and you felt humiliated by his response -- his non-response. 

It was another rejection. Was that four now? Were you really so pathetic that you kept doing the same thing again and again with the exact same result? There was something wrong with you. You swiped quickly at your cheeks and cleared your throat, hiccuping halfway through the breath you tried to take. You didn’t need to be crying right now. 

He hadn’t seen you crying yet. He didn't have to know you felt like this. You could get it back under control, pull your chin up and walk back in there with a cool smile, and act like nothing could hurt you. 

You didn't have to ruin the night. 

You’d moved from the front step now, away from the door. You just needed a few more moments, before you could stop. You found a corner away from the door, not even that visible from the door. It was already dark outside and there were no lights out here. You leaned against the wall here and lifted your hands to wipe roughly at the wetness that still stubbornly fell from your eyes and you heard it. The squeak of the door knob, the heavy metal door scraping as it was pushed open, and the silence that followed that sound. He would not see you and he would leave, satisfied that he had searched the space thoroughly enough. 

You did your best to breathe quietly but your nose sniffles and hiccups betrayed you. 

He didn’t have to come and see you this way. He could just turn back around and you could promise to be back when it had passed. You could show him only the good side.

The sound of his footsteps came anyway and you closed your eyes and held your breath and when those footsteps rounded the corner he was here. 

You inhaled a breath through your mouth and it fought through the stutter in your throat and your eyes felt compelled by his arrival.

Kyungsoo stood just at the corner, his searching eyes zeroed in on you here and his feet stopped moving when he realized he had found you. His face was blank for the first half-second after finding you. Before he looked at you and his eyes adjusted to the darkness out here. The shift in him felt dangerous. After that first second of watching you, it happened so quickly, that you saw the recognition in his eyes, the shift to knowing; you had been discovered; your upset was known. You were horrified. He could see too much. You had run. You had been crying. His rejection had wounded you. 

His balance shifted with the realization that rolled through his entire body and he pulled his head back, exhaled roughly into the air above his head with a growl, and his hand roughly ran over the length of his face from forehead to chin. 

He moved then in one fluid motion with three steps and his hands lifting up to reach for you when he moved through the dark to the spot where you hid away from him. 

The moment he was close enough to touch you, his hands landed on either side of your wet face. 

The look in his wide eyes was manic, something was wrong with him, and you flinched the moment his hot fingertips first touched your flesh. He was gripping your face and you felt the surprise crest up hot when he pulled you roughly into him, into his parted lips. 

He kissed you. His mouth collided with yours with a roughness; a demanding force. He was kissing you but this kiss felt so different. You felt the wrong kind of desperation in this kiss. There was too much emotion in it; the wrong kind of emotion. He was upset. Maybe as upset as you had been while you hid away and cried. You could feel so much of his pain in this kiss. 

His mouth was hot and he pushed his sweetened tongue between your lips, pushing against your own tongue, pulling back only to suck and bite down on your lip. He moved again, stepping hard into you so you could feel the hot flush of his body temperature and your hands, your hands lifted, gripping at the air around you, unable to grab ahold of anything and too scared to grab ahold of him, scared that you might not even be allowed to touch him with as upset as he felt. 

He pulled away for half a second and you gasped for air. 

“Is this what you want from me?” His voice was rough. You squeezed your eyes closed, feeling fresh tears rolling down your cheeks, wetting his hands that still held your face, “Do you want to feel how desperately I want you? Is this fun for you? If you want me to fuck you, I will fuck you -- that’s all you were after, right?”

His hand moved and he reached for one of your hands, pulling it down to touch the rigid heat you felt between his legs as his rough mouth moved from your lips down to your neck. 

He felt so different. He felt wrong. Yet you felt shame for how your body was responding to him and the first open-mouth gasp you let out when a hand wrapped roughly around your waist and pulled you harder into him further fueled his actions. You felt more of his arousal when he pressed himself into you. He still felt so different from the Kyungsoo you loved. This one was acting out of his mind. This one was so upset. As upset as you had been.

This wasn’t something he wanted to be doing. Did he believe this is what you wanted? It had been, but not this way. 

“Do you think I don't want to?” He didn’t. This felt off. There was no love in this. This felt nearly performative and so full of frustration. Why was he doing this? Just to prove a point? 

“I can do it. It can just be sex like you want. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Do you think I won't?” 

His hands were moving. This man slipped his fingers under the strap of your dress and his palm pushed it off of your shoulders, his head dipping down quickly, his lips pressed over the mound of your breast, at the same time, pushing your dress and your bra down and taking your nipple into his wet mouth. You let out another sound. It came from the back of your throat and the arousal surged through your body with the sensation of him nipping on your sensitive nipple. His hands moved down to your thighs and you heard ripping as the too-tight skirt was pulled up over your hips. He pushed your thighs apart and you felt the pressure of his erection against your center. The grinding was rough and scratchy with his jeans still on but it fell just over your clit, making your arousal grow stronger. 

But the touches felt so forbidden. The low sounds he made as he did it sounded straight into your ears and sent another wave of arousal through your body. You couldn’t help it. Your heart begged you to stop him. This wasn’t what he wanted. He was doing this because of you. Some twisted misunderstanding. A stark lack of faith in you had led to this. His feeble attempt to fix what was wrong with you. To fix the reason for your fit and to stop your crying. You felt awful for it. He had misunderstood you so completely.

“This is what you want from me, right? This is why you asked for a relationship? You didn’t mean it, you just wanted me to fuck you, right?” He spoke roughly in between his maddening actions, asking you questions, making you feel like you wanted this, and putting up the act like he was willing, but his questions had your head shaking. You hadn’t been trying to trick him. This wasn’t a game you played with him. He was wrong about you. 

You knew he wouldn’t have been doing this if you hadn’t run away from the date. You knew he was doing this for some twisted reason. He genuinely believed you had been using him. You could feel the sadness filling your chest to realize this terrible thing. You understood in an instant why he couldn't give you a response. He’d never trusted your intentions with his heart. 

No. You didn’t only want this from him. Part of you craved this. Part of you felt desperate for it. But the longer it persisted this way, the less you wanted it. It wasn’t something he wanted to be doing. He was feeling hurt and used by you. What kind of a monster must you be in his eyes.

This was his heart breaking at your hands.

No. You were shaking your head with denial and his face pulled up to look into your eyes. Madness. You were gasping for air and you whispered, “No. I don't only want this, Kyungsoo.” You struggled to say it and it came out strained and broken, “This isn’t the only thing I want from you, I promise.” 

His eyes hardened and he looked into your face as your chest heaved up and down with the labored breathing. You looked into his face, still very much aware of his hands on your breast, the bulge in his jeans rubbing against the covered center between your legs. His roughness had stopped advancing while he looked into your eyes. There was a narrowing in them. He did not move or retreat but the narrowing of his eyes had enough of a pause for you to catch your breath. 

“Do you even like me?” He asked this with a terrible cracking in his voice and the heartbreaking question had your eyes rolling closed, your brows furrowed and your chin puckered as your bottom lip trembled. You felt the absolute devastation deep inside of you and your eyes were burning again. You could feel the shaking deep inside of your chest and hot tears crested, slipping down your face, dripping over his shoulder, darkening his shirt. Your head sank down and you lifted your hands up to cover your face. 

“Yesterday you said you hated me. Three days ago you told me to go fuck myself. Four days ago you called me a pathetic asshole. Five days ago you told me — you told me —” You remembered all of it. All of the awful things you said to him. He couldn't get the worst of it out.

“Do you even like me, at all? Even a little bit?” he whispered through his broken heart in his broken voice and you gasped through the tears, nodding your head but unable to speak to him. 

He had fallen backward and you no longer felt his hands on you, you no longer felt any of his warmth over your skin. You reached up over your shoulder, covering yourself with your dress and you could feel your hands shaking as you pulled your skirt back down to cover your thighs. 

“I do. I do —  like you,” you managed the meager words and he was desperately looking into your eyes for signs of any truth to your words. Your next words came out with more conviction. You were reaching deep inside of your chest and you closed your eyes to get them out of you. It felt like the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell him but you needed to say it. Even if nothing came of it, even if the gaping wound you both had caused each other was simply too great to ever heal, you had to tell him. You had to be sure that he knew it. 

“I love you, Kyungsoo. I am in love with you. I’m sorry. I love you.” As scary as the words were, you meant them with every single cell inside of your body. Even if you were rejected by him every single day for the rest of your life, you would not regret telling him this now. You were sorry it had taken you so long to say it. You were sorry you had mistreated him so badly and you felt so desperate for him to know this truth about you that you no longer cared of the consequences of him knowing this. 

You told him this and you looked into his face as you told him this. His breathing had stopped for a moment and when he inhaled a breath he broke the eye contact and his eyes rolled, and over his entire face, you saw an eternity of regret there. 

He was moving. He was lifting his hand and pulling at the hair on top of his head and then he was bending at the waist with a hand on his hip. His face contorted in pain and you reached your hands out toward him, still too scared to actually touch him. 

“Why?” he whispered with closed eyes and wetness on his cheeks. This single word sounded to you like all of the pain in the world and you inhaled another deep breath, willing your tears to slow down some so you could see him clearly. 

He inhaled and gritted his teeth and opened his red-rimmed eyes on you, swallowing roughly before he opened his mouth, “Tonight,” he said, lifting a finger and pointing to the ground just in front where you stood barefoot on this patio, “I had such a nice time with you. It was such a nice time but you know what I was thinking the entire time? This should have happened months ago. Why wasn’t it like this six months ago? We could have been so fucking good together six months ago. But it didn’t happen like that, did it? And I can’t let it go. I feel like it broke me when it comes to you. It broke us. It broke what we could have been. And it kills me because I’m so fucking in love with you, but I can’t trust you. I love you and I am so mad at you.”

You were listening to him speaking and you felt something different now. A sense of confusion was building inside of you. It felt like being falsely accused. What was he talking about? How was this something you had caused? Because you didn’t just accept that he stood you up that night? Why couldn’t he trust you? He was the one who never showed up that night. You were shaking your head and you opened your mouth to protest.

“Kyungsoo, no. That’s not right.” He was wrong. He was mistaken. He was the one. You were sure of it.

Your protests weren’t heard. “Why didn’t you show up? And why did you attack me after standing me up? You know, I lost friends over that? They all believed you. Why didn’t you come that night? Can you just -- just admit it?” 

“Please? Just be honest with me, please? M-Maybe we could work. Maybe if you could just come clean with me, then I can forgive you and we can move past it?” He was begging. You were reeling with how wrong he was. He sounded so certain.

“Kyungsoo, I came that night.” You couldn’t tell him the lie he wanted. But there was something so odd about his pleas. You’d never heard him actually talk about it, but you’d been together with him in person now for two days and what you picked up on was his conviction. He was telling you the truth. This was something he genuinely believed you had done to him. “I was there. I waited for two hours for you.” 

With as heavy as his resolve was, you half expected him to slink away, to firmly believe you were going to perpetuate a lie against him forever and that nothing about the relationship between the two of you stood a chance at being saved. But there sat something heavy inside of his eyes. A furrow of his brow and searching within yours for answers. He was listening to you. For the first time, he could hear the words you were saying with your own mouth and you could see his mind working. 

“Where were you? For two hours, where did you wait for me?” It felt like salvation to hear this question. It felt like gulping fresh oxygen after drowning. It felt like maybe he had looked into your face too and saw some desperate truth in your eyes. 

“Upstairs. I don't have any proof. I was too embarrassed to post anything about it and I paid cash. I was upstairs. We were meeting upstairs.”

“I was upstairs. I was there. I was looking for you. A bouquet of flowers on the table. I left them there. You never came.” 

Something wasn’t right. It felt impossible. You knew what he looked like and he knew what you looked like and there was absolutely no way you missed each other, it was impossible. 

“Next to the terrace,” he said with his eyes reaching into yours and you shook your head at this detail, denying it. There was no way that could be true.

This detail was impossible. 

“Kyungsoo no, there was no terrace. I sat next to the window facing the library. What terrace?”

His eyes watched you without any response and after a while his eyes were roaming up over your head, moving around in a big circle and coming back around to sit inside of yours. How could this be? 

“The library,” he said to himself and he was watching your face so closely as he did it. “The library?” His inflection lifted and there was a change now. He was narrowing his eyes at you and there was a flare to his nostrils as he breathed in through his nose. His mouth scowled and frowned and he reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. 

“What are you doing?” 

He was tapping his phone screen. His thumbs were moving something along the surface and his eyes were focusing down. 

You heard a breath. A rough exhale, like a scoff. 

“Which location did we meet at?” He said with a flat tone. 

“East,” you said softly as he turned the phone around to show you a map of the city you both lived in. You could see on one side, the restaurant named ‘La Lei,’ and on the other side of town, the one you had gone to, the East location of the same name. ‘La Lei.’

“The East is on the right side. Exterior.” He added, his voice devoid of strength. You looked at the map, shaking your head and frowning your lips down with the furrow of your brow. 

“But I drove for an hour to get there to meet you, there was so much traffic and so much sun.”

“The sun sets in the West. You went to the West location. There’s a library next door.”

You felt the ground shift. It felt like a powerful force.

You had to lean against the wall to stay up. 

The whole time. 

The entire time. 

It was you. 

It was your fault. 

This was your mistake. 

You had ruined this. You did this to him. You stood him up with your own stupid mistake. You accused him publicly, embarrassed him, attacked him, blamed him for your own stupid mistake. Mocked and ridiculed and hated him for months. 

It was you. You were the asshole. You were the bastard. 

His phone timed out and turned black and turned off the only bit of light besides the light from the moon that remained. It took your eyes a few seconds to adjust but when you could see him again he was leaning with his back against the wall with his head hung down. He wasn’t speaking and he wasn’t moving. 

“I’m s-sorry. It was my mistake.” You dropped your face when he finally lifted his head to look at you. 

And after a few silent moments, he inhaled and ran his hand over his face, turning away from you once more without speaking. 

He whispered while he faced away, “I was so mad at you.” You heard a shaking inhale, “I was so mean to you.”

You felt destroyed by this. No wonder so many awful things happened to you. You did awful things, made stupid mistakes, and ruined anything good that came your way. 

He was still whispering and outside of this place, outside of this pain, the hard rain began to fall. It was almost too loud for you to hear him. “I was awful to you. I was so horrible. I acted like that.”

You couldn’t stand it. You felt the forces from the ground to be too powerful and the weight on your shoulders too heavy. 

You sunk under it, ignoring the sting of pain when the concrete hit your knees. 

“It was my fault.” 

“I’m so sorry.”

“I ruined everything. I’m sorry, Kyungsoo.”

You existed within this long enough to begin to feel the rain. The wind whipped it against you and your skin felt so cold. 

You heard him moving on you, impossibly over the sound of the rain, his hands landed over your shoulders and you opened your eyes to see him kneeling on the ground in front of you. He would mess up his clothes. His jeans would be muddy if he did this. He didn’t deserve any of that. He hasn't deserved any of what you said to him or did to him.

“Let’s go inside.” You heard the words but their message felt too kind for what you had done to him. You shook your head back and forth and you held your breath to try and stop feeling much of this. “It’s raining. Let’s get inside. You’re getting wet.” 

“Kyungsoo, I’m sorry,” was all you could manage. 

“It was a mistake.” His voice slipped up beside you, “You made a mistake. You didn’t do that on purpose.” 

“Yeah, but all things after,” you couldn’t accept it. That you might be such a terrible person. But all signs pointed this way. 

Kyungsoo was shaking his head. “Me too,” he said, “I did things too. Come on,” you felt him reaching for you again, placing his hands below your armpits, wrapping around you and standing you up. He was helping you. This was a new kind of humiliation you could not take.

“I can,” you whispered, placing a hand on his arm and pushing against his hands. “I can do it. Don't help me.” The last thing you deserved was his kindness. 

You were moving before he had the chance to have any opinions about it. You moved through the front porch toward the front door and you gripped the handle and pulled it with all of your might. It was heavy but it moved and with each of your next steps you ignored the pain you felt in your knees. When the front door slammed shut the silence of this place was back. The rain outside sounded so far away inside here and behind you, you could hear his steady breathing. He haunted you but did not offer you any more assistance. 

You found the space with the bunks and you moved to your luggage, knowing that you must change out of this destroyed dress, knowing that you should shower off the mess that would be your hair and your face and you should also wash off the filthy flood water that your feet had been submerged up to the ankles in. 

You grabbed blindly within your bag, one item for each body part. Underwear, top, bottom. It did not matter what you grabbed. You were moving to the bathrooms, not looking at the man who sat on the edge of his own bed with his head in his hands. 

The dress was ripped. You no longer needed to be careful to grab only the zipper to remove it, you reached down and roughly pulled at the already ripped seams, getting through enough of it for it to slip off of your body and pool down to the floor. From where you stood you looked up to see him still sitting in the same spot and position on his bed. Head in his hands and no doubt, a million tragedies flying through his mind. 

You pushed off the bra and underwear and stepped into the flowing water; moving as if in a trance. Lathering soap as you had done thousands of times before. Washing off dirt and filth, scrubbing your skin with your fingernails until it was striped with red; watching the mud swirl down the drain below your feet. Washing your hair and digging your fingertips roughly over your scalp. Treating yourself with just a little less care than you normally did. 

The water timed out and you had to step forward to start it again and your eyes caught movement from where he had been sitting. Kyungsoo was standing. He was looking down into his black bag and pulling things out and his eyes were down on the floor as he moved to enter the bathroom. You pulled your eyes away from him and focused them on the wall in front of you when he began to undress and your blinking flighty eyes did their best not to look at him as he stepped up to the shower faucet next to you and stood with his eyes closed under the running stream of water that ran over his naked body. 

“I’m sorry,” you heard him whisper with his eyes closed and the water passing over his face. “For all of it.” for a few seconds after he said it, you felt the pull to look at him and when you finally gave in you found his eyes on you, his head turned and he watched your face for your understanding or for your refusal. 

You nodded your head and bit down on the inside of your lip and the water from your shower head timed out. He shifted and he reached forward and pressed the lever to start your water again and you flinched to feel the water hitting your skin again and try as you might you could not bring yourself to pull your eyes off of his face. You felt an urge to know something. The question terrified you the longer you rolled it around inside of your mouth but you had his attention, he was still looking into your face as water ran down his body, washing away everything that had coated his skin tonight. You worked up the nerve. 

“Do you hate me?” 

His eyes flitted over your face and he slowly rolled them closed as he licked his lips. He was shaking his head back and forth before he answered you with the words you felt so desperate for. 

“No, I don’t,” he said, “I love you.” 

Your lips were trembling again. You felt the shaking inside of your chest and you were succumbing to it, the tears built and you squeezed your eyes tight, moving your face under the running water to wash them away, nodding your head to receive the words from him that you did not deserve.

His next whispered question pulled your eyes to him again. 

“Do you hate me?” 

You shook your head, sniffing your nose and closing your mouth before you whispered a quiet answer for him. 

“No, I love you, Kyungsoo.” 

He moved then, you saw the steps his feet took closer to you and you felt his wet arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you into him. His bare skin was everywhere and another step brought the length of his body flush up against yours. He lifted his hands, placing one over the back of your head and his face was so close to you, his wet hair dripped steadily on your cheek. You wrapped your arms tightly around his waist, squeezing tightly around him, pulling him into you and he squeezed himself around you just as tightly. 

“Let’s put it behind us then.” 

More than what the statement promised for the future between you both, his words seemed to have a deeper impact on you. It sounded too good to be true. The word he used when talking about you and him. ‘Us.’ It felt like so much more than you deserved. He was probably just using it in an insignificant way. Not in any meaningful way. You’d had your fill of asking him questions and being turned down so you just accepted the hug, ignored the increasing pressure you felt against your hips and when you let go of the tightness from around his waist he lessened his hold around you and took a step back, his eyes seeking out yours the second the contact was broken. 

You did not hesitate this time. You leaned into him quickly and pressed your lips against his cheek, finding the softness of his face and the smell of his warm skin so delightful that you could not pull yourself away from him right away. You lingered for longer than you should have with this beautiful naked man standing within touching distance of you and when you pulled away his eyes watched you with lids half closed and he followed your movement as you backed away from him; those eyes slipping down as you left over the length of your naked body. 

You felt that look all over. He was looking at you with a heady desire that was quite visible with the vulnerable view you had of him. You hadn’t moved far enough away from him for your promise to him to still be enforceable. When he took a step closer to you, you should have stepped away from him, but there was a drug coursing through your veins with the way he looked at you. You should have left when you had the chance but you hesitated and now he’d taken another step. You felt too weak for this kind of test. You wouldn’t pass. You couldn’t resist him. If he wanted this, you had no self-control to resist him.

He surged into you then, wrapping his arms around your waist and your arms flew around his shoulders as he pushed you backward. You felt the ground leave you when he tensed and lifted you up, taking several steps to leave the bathroom and you felt the telltale feeling of fabric coating over your back. You were laid down on a bed, his bed. He’d brought you to his bed and you felt the warmth of his bare chest covering over your breasts. When he pushed forward he climbed on top of you and your thighs parted for him and his hips moved easily between. The way your bodies fit together so easily and so perfectly felt ordained. 

His breathing was labored and he was looking into your eyes with a terrible tremble inside of him. He breathed through parted lips and his eyes were on your lips but he wasn’t kissing you. Your head had been lifted but you let it lie down onto his pillow and his breath got caught in his throat as his eyes drifted closed. You weren’t going to kiss him. You weren’t going to reach for him and guide him inside of you. You weren’t going to wrap your thighs around his waist and pull his hardness inside of you. 

“Kyungsoo,” you whispered and his eyes slipped open. “Only if you want to.” 

He blinked slowly and his face dipped down just as slowly until his soft lips pressed over yours; until his mouth opened over yours and his wet tongue teased a path over your teeth; until you felt his hands and his soft fingertips traveling down between his hips and your hips and those fingers slipped along your inner thigh. 

You were too aroused for this. The slip of his fingertips in between your wetness made his movement much too easy. Each pass over your center with his wandering fingers had you gasping, you were out of control. Every bit of you felt overwhelmed with only the touch of his hands. Your skin and your nipples both puckering and each of your responses to his touches felt like too much. You felt powerless to stop it though. It was something you’d wanted him to do, something you felt desperate for him to actually want to do, and now that it was actually happening you almost couldn’t deal with it, let alone believe that it was actually happening; that he was actually doing this to you. 

You wanted him too much. He made this so easy for you and when you felt him move again as he dipped his head down between your shaking thighs and when gave a gentle push against your legs to urge you to open for him, you gave in. It felt too surreal. That he was really doing this. That he really wanted to do this. The first pass of his tongue between your legs had you closing your eyes, feeling him there. His mouth was hot and his tongue moved over you with just enough pressure to make you squirm. Looking down and seeing his damp hair and the roundness of the top of his head positioned between your parted legs; this had to be a dream. You were overwhelmed by him. His hot breath and the sinful sounds from his mouth, his purposeful tongue, the way he moaned into you as he did it you had been so close so quickly. You felt inundated all at once. He was pulling. He was sucking. You were trembling and grabbing his hair, squeezing and shaking and you came apart entirely on his bed. 

It was too much. Your heart was racing too fast inside of your chest and Kyungsoo was sitting up on his ankles with his hands moving slowly up and down your parted thighs as he watched your face with heavy eyes and parted lips and chest heaving from the feelings surging through him. He was wet, from you. He seemed to be watching you for a long time and you wondered what had him so transfixed. Your eyes moved over him. The smooth skin, the muscles you knew you felt under his nerdy little polo, the beautiful shape of this man whose eyes seemed strangely content just to take in this view of you, ready and waiting for him on his bed with wet hair and now, a sweet smile on your face. You had what you were sure was a glow from the release he had just given you with his mouth. 

There was something silent here. You felt your smile widen and you pulled your eyelids closed, blinking slowly with the smallest lift of your chin. When you opened your eyes back up you saw the return from him. His lips pulled into sweetness, moving wide for the smile that seemed to hit him in waves and his eyes blinked back at you just as slowly. 

“Kyungsoo, do you want to make love to me?” You reached down, touching the tips of his fingers lightly with yours and you felt his hand move into your beckoning one. You pulled him down and he caved down over you. With his eyes still trapped inside of yours, he nodded his head. He did. He did want to be inside of you. 

You leaned up to him as you wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down on top of you, pulling his face down so you could kiss his lips. You could feel him between your legs, the smoothness and the shape of him that was so close to where you wanted him to be. You felt the tip of him bumping between your legs and you felt so wet that you knew it would hardly take anything at all to get him inside of you. In fact, the more you pulled against him the more you felt him slipping within your wetness, not inside yet but dangerously close with how good it felt to have him there. You knew from the sounds coming from his throat that each slip inside of your wetness only heightened the temptation to push inside. You felt the gentle push with his hips. It took everything inside of you not to lift your hips to catch the angle so he could push inside. 

You pulled your mouth from his and whispered beside his ear, “Your condoms…where?” His brows furrowed and his face showed great concentration before you’d asked this, no doubt feeling the warm slippery wetness between your legs and doing his best not to just slip inside. When your words were out he opened his eyes and shook his head once. “I didn’t bring any. I lied.” he huffed out a breath when you moved your hips again, feeling the slip between your legs again, “to sound cool.” He said after a small grunt and a hiss and his mouth was open with his brows still furrowed. This took nearly every ounce of his control to hold back from.

One of you would have to make quite a naked and heavily aroused journey to get them. An idea you weren’t crazy about right now, not with him so close to you, the idea of leaving him sounded terrible. 

They were just so far away. It wasn’t like this was someone insignificant. This was Doh Kyungsoo. You fully intended to keep this man for the rest of your life. You suddenly didn't even want them at all. 

“We don't need it,” you said in a soft whisper and his eyes opened once more, looking into your face. “You could just,” you added and you bit down on your lip when you felt his hips move again and he bumped against your already sensitive center. 

“Do you want me to?” He was watching you closely, holding his breath, and the instant you nodded your head you felt him shift. He left his place lying over your chest and saw him lifting himself up again. He was looking at you again. He was touching you again, his fingers slipping so easily and with his hand down between your legs you felt the pressure of him as he pushed inside of you. Hips guiding slowly at first and you gasped, struggling to keep your eyes open and on him while he filled you completely. Skin to skin. Pushing inside of you and reeling from the overwhelming pleasure that came from this. He was gone. He was lost. Inside of you, he was lost.

His face. 

His face was beautiful. His eyes closed and his head leaned back and his lips fell open and those same eyes that captivated and controlled you, tortured and tempted you, they drifted. You caught occasional looks from him. He pulled out and pushed in again and with each new motion, he fought a battle between watching you and feeling you. 

The sounds, the touches, the looks, and the moments when he would drop, catching your mouth with his, pulling you up to kiss him, moving lower to bite your shoulder or your neck or your ear all the while keeping as close to you as he possibly could. The friction felt good but you wanted to keep him inside and with each pull you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him harder into you. Holding him so tight that he had to pull against your legs to pull out again. This felt different. He filled you as if he was made for you. This sex felt different than any you’d had with anyone else. There was something insatiable about how desperately you wanted him inside of you and when he was shaking and when he was making that delicious sound from deep inside of his chest, you clung to him, pulling him inside of you, wanting him there, desperate for him to stay inside of you. 

You recognized some half attempt to pull out. You’d felt the stutter in his pace and with the sounds he made, you knew he was about to. You felt too crazed and he felt too good and you pulled him into you again, pulling his face down to you, capturing his mouth with yours, you felt the spasms and the bursts of warmth inside of you while you sucked on his tongue and he was shaking around you and inside of you and on top of you as he came. 

There was a moment of your joined breath. A moment of slow release of lips and the languid and satisfied smile that built on your face. He took it in, that look on your face and he reached a hand up to touch his fingertips on your bottom lip, moving his face down again to kiss you deeply. You could still feel him inside of you, that pressure that had built with the wetness you shared threatened a mess with every movement you made. You didn’t want to move. You didn’t want him to leave you. This desire to keep him felt stronger than any other. This man was yours and only yours. You wanted nothing else but him.

“You didn’t let me pull out,” he whispered with half-closed eyes as he laid his head down on your chest. “Trying to make it to the wall or what — what are you doing to me?”

You hummed in amusement, running your fingers through his hair. “I’ve been on the pill for years -- you felt too good for a condom,” you remarked and you felt his cheeks lift with the small smile that grew on his face. 

The wind down was slow to take. Neither of you had a schedule to keep to and no real reason to go to sleep early. You’d left him behind, happy and spent on his bed to clean up, and when you left the bathroom stall you watched him doing the same. Every bit of that shyness you’d felt with the idea of being naked around him, of course, was gone and he didn't seem to be in that much of a hurry to shower and get dressed. Eventually, he was moving though and you watched with a little pout from the edge of his bed as he cleaned up and pulled on some clothes at last. You pulled one of his shirts out of his bag, a plain white t-shirt that sat on top of a stack of seemingly identical plain white t-shirts. Below it sat black shirts and you wondered about this man’s odd black and white lifestyle.

“Hey, that’s my favorite shirt,” he said when you came out of the bathroom with your panties on underneath it and nothing else and you held out the bottom like it was a dress and did a little spin that had him giggling. He was up out of the bed and he was pulling your hand toward the door out of this room. 

“Where are we going? I’m not wearing any pants.”

He didn’t seem to care about your current state of undress. He was opening the door to the bunks and pulling you toward the kitchen, walking backward, only looking at you and not even watching where he was going as he just dragged you despite your stubborn resisting feet. 

“I’m hungry,” he pouted his lips and whined, something you never ever thought you’d witness in your entire existence. It made you laugh and you rolled your eyes.

“That’s because you didn’t touch your dinner. It was so delicious and you ate maybe three bites of it. Doh Kyungsoo, think of the kids who don’t have any food to—”

“Make me something. Make me food.” He cut you off. The whining was disarming and adorable and you motioned with your lifted eyebrows toward the door to let him know that if he didn’t turn around now he was going to run into it. 

Inside the kitchen were remnants of the dinner date. Three wine bottles sat forgotten on the counter and the empty wine glasses were left abandoned nearby. You slipped over to the fridge and opened it. You didn’t really know what on earth you could make this professional private chef that he would enjoy and when you turned back to look at him he just smiled uselessly. There were quite a few things in this fridge. The problem was actually you. What on earth could you make him that might actually taste good. You’d been here peering inside this fridge for a while before you felt just a little flustered with this task. 

“I don’t know how to make that many things,” you mused toward where he sat on a stool and you looked behind at the man who was simply sitting there watching you bend over in front of the fridge with a completely dazed but quite a blissed out expression on his face. You stood up straight and cleared your throat, understanding that yes you wore only panties underneath his own t-shit and that the man had just fucked you so he was probably not quite in his right mind but staring at your ass as you bent down to look into the fridge so you could make his spoiled ass something to eat was a little bit rude. He offered no advice. No suggestions. It didn’t seem to matter what you made for him as long as you did it wearing his shirt and he got to watch you do it.

The throat clearing pulled his attention up to your face. And when you shook your head with a question written in your eyes, both to get him to acknowledge that you were talking to him and as some sort of call out to the fact that he’d just been caught him staring and all you got was the smallest shrug and a lazy smile and even lazier words promising that he would like anything you made. It literally did not matter, he said. 

You pulled out butter, bread, and cheese. He was getting a toddler’s treat. You busied yourself taking out two bread slices, buttering both sides to lay down and sizzle in a heated pan, and placed two slices of cheese in between. Normally you’d only put one slice but he was cute so he got two cheese slices. He was getting the deluxe version of a grilled cheese sandwich with no bells nor whistles. Literally just bread and cheese. If he wanted something fancy he could cook it himself.  

You busied yourself with his plate, opting to be as ridiculous as he was and you sliced his sandwich in four little triangles, and set each one point side up in the center of a plate that was at least two sizes too big and you grabbed some leftover bread crust. Crumbling the whole thing in your hands and sprinkling the stray bread crumbs up way up high in overly dramatic fashion as you had seen some egotistical chefs doing online with their salt and pepper techniques. 

When you spun around with the plate in your hands he was already laughing. You slinked up beside him holding the plate over your shoulder and did a big round swing with it, plopping it down in front of him with a hand flourish as you came away from it.

“Here we have a pan sizzled butter-basted double fromage deluxe panini with an untoasted brioche texture sprinkle.” 

Oh, his laughter was glorious. You heard the loud guffaws and his eyes closed, his cheeks popping up pink and his whole body shook with it. You couldn’t put a name to how good this felt. It was unparalleled and such a new feeling. He was blindingly beautiful when he was happy and you had been the one to make him happy. Why you’d been dead set on making him miserable for all those months had clearly been great evidence of your stupidity. This man was absolutely irresistible when he was happy. 

You pulled your hands away from the plate with the sandwich and to your delight his mouth formed a surprised ‘o’ shape, he even lifted both of his hands to cover his mouth and you were giggling as he picked up one triangle and took a big bite of arguably the best part of the sandwich, the cheesy point. He was chewing and swallowing and taking another bite quickly while actually licking the crumbs and butter off his thumb between bites. You’d never seen anyone polish off a grilled cheese sandwich so fast. 

It felt so flattering to see him eat that stupid thing with the little ‘mmm’ sounds he made occasionally and just to keep from staring at him so damn much you spun to face the cupboards for something to drink. Grabbing two glasses and filling them with ice water. You’d had a bit more alcohol than you were used to these last two days and with the way he was just sitting there looking like a snack you were unlikely to get enough of any time soon, you figured you both should hydrate right now for whatever physically demanding activities you might participate in later.

“Do you feel better now?” You asked after he’d eaten and had been sipping on the water for some time now and his eyes popped over to you as he nodded with the glass to his lips. 

“Like a new person.” He spun on his stool, pushing away from the counter and he leaned toward where you stood just at the corner of it. You felt a tug on the shirt you wore and the fabric tightened around your back as he pulled against the shirt. You resisted and the only actual reason for your resistance was for the sake of the drama. You couldn’t fight your smile but you at least had a bit more control over your legs and the smallest whine that came from his chest, the little pout on his lips, and the adorable way he pulled again, shaking his hand so the tugs came quickly and shook you with their insistence was an instant reward for this little fight you put up.

“Ahh, come here,” he complained out loud. You were giggling and you shook your head back and forth. 

“Look you’re stretching my favorite shirt all out,” he pointed down to the spot on the shirt where his own hand held on and pulled it very far away from your body. It had a surprising amount of stretch in it. You giggled at the playful accusation. 

You just shook your head again and grabbed ahold of the countertop when you began to feel like he might pull hard enough to get you to move. The longer you held your ground the more petulant you felt about it. A ghost of the conversation from earlier in this very kitchen was dancing around through your head, making you feel like maybe all of your talking and airing of all of your past grievances with this man wasn’t quite finished; wasn’t quite resolved with the love. Some things when asked should be answered and you still felt that sting deep inside of you from being denied.

“Why?” His question came next and you simply couldn’t hold your next words inside.

“I thought you never had sex without a committed relationship, Doh Kyungsoo.” You said it with a laugh. You’d meant it in a light and funny way but once the words were actually out, it felt like a cloud had just moved in. You could still feel the warmth of that bright sunshine but there was a haze that coated and cooled your skin just enough for a chill of doubt to grow. You felt it inside of your stomach where you always felt all of the nervous things in your life.

“You never answered my question — from before -- about us.” This part, you said with much less confidence and no humor. You couldn’t even look into his eyes as you said it.

He did not loosen the grip of his hand on your shirt. He didn’t shrink away and avoid your eyes or try to evade or avoid answering your question. 

Kyungsoo leaned forward, closer to where you stood just out of his reach enough to require just a little bit of effort for him to get to you and he nearly fell off his little stool to do it. He reached with his other hand. You were grabbed by his hands, finally gaining enough purchase around your waist for the strength of his arms to overpower your little stubborn fit and you stepped rapidly to keep from falling over; to keep up with the quickness with which he pulled you into his arms, between his knees, and into the now familiar smell of him that felt like comfort itself. 

“Yes,” he said quickly, wasting absolutely no time with little jokes or word games. He was wrapping his arms around your shoulders and you slipped your arms tightly around his waist and tucked your face into his neck. His answer coated over your head, slipping right down into the middle of you, soothing whatever silly worries had slinked their way under your skin. 

“Yes, I want to be with you. Yes, I want you to be mine and I want to be yours.” His hands rubbed firm passes up and down your spine.

“I am answering you now. Yes.” 

Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

[justwritedreams]

Hello

A headcanon of Kyungsoo realizing he has feelings for the reader

I'm enjoying that you're asking members that I haven't written yet CONTINUE!

KYUNGSOO REALIZING THAT HE HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU

Author: Maari

Warnings: minor errors probably because i wrote it in the break of work

So you and him have been friends for a long time

You have a lot in common

Enjoy having in-depth conversations on a variety of topics

You like to do the same things

And you are each other's excuse to get away from noisy and crowded places

And one day, you managed to escape from a club

How had you ended up there? Ask his extrovert friends

None of you wanted to go but it wasn't like you could say no

Thank you Chanyeol 🫡

So when you accepted his ride, you could finally breathe a sigh of relief as you got into the silent car

Both of your heads ached from the loud music

And you were so sleepy that you leaned against the car window even as he was driving

"I thought you couldn't get away from Baekhyun" he chuckled

And you, of course, laughed along, looking at him

He was so focused and so handsome

"I didn't remember he talked so much, I thought you were going to leave me there" you said and his laugh increased

"Don't think it didn't cross my mind"

And you were like 😲

Your plan had been simple:

The two would take a 5 minute break to go to the bathroom but actually you would run to the door and leave the place

But Baekhyun delayed you because he kept telling you how sad he was because his girlfriend had gone on a business trip

Although far away, you could see Kyungsoo's bored face in the middle of the crowd, waiting for you 🤣

But it wasn't like you were going to argue with him because

You would do the same lol

You just smiled and closed your eyes, too tired to talk

And he not only understood, he respected 🥺

And when he turned to face you real quick

Damn!

He never noticed before how you had a glow of your own

He frowned thinking it was some illusion in his head

Or that kind of intrusive thinking that no one has control

He dropped you off at home and you invited him in

And he was more worried about you because you had worked a lot during the week

And on Friday you looked like a zombie, you were so tired

So he accepted

He felt good in your house, it was quiet, it brought peace

You lay down on the couch and he helped you take off your shoes

As he already knew your house, he went to get a blanket so you wouldn't be cold during the night

And when he came back, you were already asleep

Sounds cliche, right?

But well, the time he put the cover on you

He couldn't help but push the hair that fell into your eyes

And it was only then, watching you sleep so serenely that he felt his heart warm

Anxiety in the stomach that wasn't bad at all

And an involuntary smile appeared on his face

And when he leaned in to kiss you

He was like oH 😳

He straightened up again but brought his hand to his mouth.

Not believing that he had almost done that because

Damn, was he in love with you?? Since when?

He was always very clear about what he felt, what he thought...

And he just now noticed that he likes you?

Poor baby left your house so confused he couldn't even remember where he had put his car keys 🤣🤣

But he wouldn't be the only one confused

Because good luck if you think he's going to leave things the way they were

Expect a very sincere confession 👀

[yeolsaintlaurent]

Nocturnal Reverie ch.11 [PCY]

pairing - chanyeol x fem reader

genre - mature, smut, angst

themes - power imbalance, romance, crime, justice, class divide, politics, sex

synopsis - In the sprawling, dystopian city of Emberhaven, where power and corruption reign supreme, the lives of two unlikely individuals collide in a tale of passion, intrigue, and moral reckoning. Chanyeol, an enigmatic and wealthy scion of the city's elite, finds himself captivated by the elusive Y/N, a cunning and resourceful thief who navigates the treacherous underworld of Emberhaven. Their first encounter, sparked by a chance meeting in a luxurious club called The Velvet Lounge, sets the stage for a whirlwind romance amidst a backdrop of crime, politics, and danger.

warnings - drug use

A/N - i am so so so glad to be back and writing. thank you for reading this series after my long ass hiatus. so many notifications kept popping up during the hiatus about likes and reblogs on Nocturnal Reverie and CVMF and it always made me smile and filled with joy. i am very grateful for all the readers new and old. as always, let me know what you think about this chapter. feedback is always welcome. love you all xx

Chapter 11: The Message

Y/N stirred awake in Chanyeol's bed, the sheets cool beside her where he should have been. She reached out instinctively but found only emptiness. Frowning, she glanced at the clock on the bedside table. 11 AM. He must have gone out early. Maybe he had things to take care of.

Yawning, she got up and padded toward the kitchen. Her cat, a sleek, black feline named Kat, greeted her with a purr and a brush against her legs. She picked him up, rubbing his belly affectionately. He purred louder, a comforting sound in the quiet apartment.

"Good morning, Kat," she murmured, setting him down to fill his bowls with wet food, dry food, and fresh water. He meowed appreciatively before diving into his breakfast.

Opening the fridge, Y/N found a carton of strawberry juice and took a long swig straight from it. She smiled to herself, enjoying the small luxuries of Chanyeol’s well-stocked kitchen. His fancy coffee machine caught her eye, and she decided to make herself a caramel macchiato. As the machine whirred to life, her thoughts wandered to Chanyeol.

She still knew so little about what he did for a living. He had mentioned something about cutting off his family and wanting to start a new life, but the details were vague. What could have been so important that he took such a drastic step? He had said it was something that didn’t align with his values, but why? And what exactly had he done?

The rich aroma of coffee filled the kitchen, snapping her out of her reverie. Her macchiato was ready. She poured it into a mug and carried it to the lounge, sinking into the plush couch. She turned on the TV, flicking through channels until she stopped at the news.

The headline on the screen made her freeze. "Apartment Fire in Emberhaven: Possible Arson." Her heart skipped a beat. The image of the burning building filled the screen. It was her apartment.

“Oh no,” she whispered, clutching the mug tightly. Whoever did this was sending her a message, and she received it loud and clear. Lucio’s men. It had to be them.

The reporter’s voice cut through her shock. "We have an interview with the lead investigator on the scene." The camera switched to a familiar face. Minseok.

“We believe the perpetrator is someone we’ve been monitoring for a long time,” Minseok said, his expression grim.

Y/N's mind raced. Was he talking about Lucio or her? She turned off the TV and leaned back, closing her eyes. Things were getting worse. She had to find a way to fix this before anyone else got hurt.

Reaching for her phone, she quickly sent a message to Kai. She waited for a response, but none came. As she was about to set her phone down, a notification popped up from a private number. Her heart pounded as she opened it.

"Come here at 10:30 PM tonight with the money and goods, and all will be forgiven", with a pin to what seemed to be an obscure alley leading to the docks.

A million thoughts raced through her mind. This could be her way out, but it could also be a trap. Whatever it was, it was her problem to solve, her burden to bear. She wouldn’t drag Chanyeol into this mess, not when she loved him as much as she did. She had to protect him, even if it meant facing the danger alone.

At the police station, Minseok sat behind his desk, the clutter of papers and case files spread before him. He was deep in conversation with a fellow officer about the fire when his phone rang, the harsh sound cutting through the room. He picked up the receiver, his expression hardening as the warden's grim voice crackled through the line.

"Lucio has escaped. Four of our officers are dead."

Minseok's face twisted in anger. "What the hell were you doing while this happened? How could you let a high-profile mobster away?" His voice was a mix of fury and disbelief.

The warden's response was muffled, but the weight of the news hit Minseok like a freight train. This was troubling beyond measure. He slammed the receiver down, his mind racing with the implications. They had to act fast.

Grabbing his cellphone, he dialed Kyungsoo. The phone barely rang twice before Kyungsoo answered.

"Lucio escaped," Minseok said without preamble. "We need to accelerate our plans. This is escalating faster than we anticipated."

Kyungsoo's voice was steady. "Understood. What do you need?"

"We need to find Lucio again, and fast. But there's more. The apartment that was torched—it was supposed to be abandoned. But the remains suggest someone was living there. A woman. I don’t think it is farfetched to assume that it could be the girl we saw during the sting."

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line. Kyungsoo's mind raced. He had his suspicions about who she might be based on his conversations with Chanyeol, but he kept his voice neutral. "I'll handle the matter of the girl. It's my responsibility to find out more about her."

Minseok agreed, albeit reluctantly. "Fine. But I'm increasing the number of people in this case. We need to catch Lucio, and fast. Once we have him, we can move on to Dom."

"I'll keep you updated," Kyungsoo said before hanging up. He couldn't shake the feeling that things were about to get even more complicated.

Y/N stood in the dimly lit alley, the shadows swallowing her slight figure clad in all black. She checked her phone screen for the time—10:15 PM. The cold night air bit at her skin as she waited for any message from the unknown sender. She took a deep breath and sent her live location to Kai. She knew he had her back, no matter what. Their bond was forged in childhood, built on trust and countless shared secrets. She smiled at the thought of how she used to entrust him with her precious beanie baby toys and her weekly allowance.

Suddenly, the alley was flooded with bright headlights. She squinted against the harsh light, quickly tucking her phone into her boot. The car door creaked open, and she heard the unmistakable sound of heavy boots hitting the pavement.

"Well, well, well," a raspy, sarcastic voice drawled. "Look who decided to show up."

Y/N's heart raced. Lucio.

He stepped into the light, a sneer on his face, his eyes raking over her in a way that made her skin crawl. "You did the right thing, sweetheart," he said, his voice laced with crude amusement. "Now, why don't you come over here and give me that duffel bag? Nice and slow."

Y/N swallowed her fear and took a tentative step forward, clutching the bag tightly. "Here it is," she said, her voice steady despite the terror clawing at her insides. She approached Lucio, her eyes never leaving his.

Lucio's grin widened, his eyes gleaming with a predatory light. "That's it, nice and easy," he taunted, his voice dripping with condescension. "Gotta say, you clean up nice. It's a shame you're mixed up in all this."

Y/N forced herself to stay calm, to focus on the task at hand. She held out the duffel bag, but Lucio didn't take it right away. Instead, he reached out and ran a finger down her arm, making her shudder with revulsion.

"Such a brave little thing," he sneered, leaning in close. "But bravery won't get you far in this world, darling. Especially not with the kind of people you're dealing with."

She pulled back slightly, her eyes flashing with defiance. "Just take the bag and leave me out of this," she said, her voice firm.

Lucio chuckled, a dark, mocking sound. "Oh, I don't think so. You see, you're part of this now. And there's no getting out."

He finally took the bag from her, opening it to inspect the contents. His eyes lit up as he saw the money and the goods inside. "Well, well, you actually came through. I'm almost impressed."

Y/N took a step back, her heart pounding in her chest. "You got what you wanted. Never ever contact me again."

Lucio looked up from the bag, a sinister smile spreading across his face. "Not so fast, sweetheart. We need to have a little chat first. About your boyfriend."

Her blood ran cold. "What about him?"

Lucio's smile widened. "Oh, don't play dumb with me. You think I don't know who he is? What he is? Chanyeol’s got a lot of people interested in him. And now, because of him, they're interested in you too."

She tried to mask her fear with anger. "Leave him out of this. He has nothing to do with your business."

Lucio laughed, a harsh, grating sound. "Oh! Is that what you think? How cute." He stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. "Get in the car while I'm still being nice," he said, his voice dripping with fake politeness.

Y/N's heart raced. "Fuck you! And what if I refuse?" she challenged, her voice steady despite the fear gripping her.

Lucio's expression darkened, the sarcasm vanishing. "Then your little lover will get hurt. A lot. I'll make sure of it."

As he spoke, Y/N's hand slowly reached toward the knife in her right boot. But before she could react, two large figures appeared from the shadows behind her, grabbing her roughly. She struggled, but they overpowered her easily, throwing her into the car.

Lucio smirked to himself as he turned and got into the car next to Y/N. By now, her hands and feet were tied, and a strip of tape was plastered across her mouth. She thrashed around, desperate to free herself, but it was no use.

"Quiet down," Lucio ordered, his voice cold. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small bag of white powder. He poured it onto a tray in front of him and meticulously cut lines into the cocaine. As the car started moving, he rolled up a 100 bill and snorted a line.

Lucio then turned toward Y/N, gesturing the rolled-up bill toward her as if to offer some. She angrily turned away, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

Her mind raced, searching for a way out. She glanced at Lucio, who seemed momentarily lost in his drug-induced haze. Despite her terror, she knew she had to stay calm and wait for the right moment to escape. Her life, and possibly Chanyeol's, depended on it.

As the car came to a halt, the tires crunching over the gravel, Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine. Lucio, still engrossed in his cocaine-fueled haze, clumsily opened the door and gestured for her to follow. The two large figures who had been his enforcers stepped out first, their imposing forms casting long shadows in the dim light.

Y/N was pulled roughly from the car, the cold night air biting at her skin. She was led toward a large, dilapidated building that loomed ominously in the distance. As they approached, the grandeur of the structure became more apparent despite its current state of decay.

It was an old theatre, its faded grandeur hinting at a time when it had been the heart of cultural life. The exterior was crumbling, with ivy creeping up the walls and broken windows revealing glimpses of the interior. The building’s once-majestic façade was now scarred with neglect, but it still retained an air of faded opulence.

The men pushed Y/N inside, and she stumbled into the grand foyer. The interior was a ghostly echo of its former self: ornate chandeliers hung from the ceiling, their crystals coated in dust; velvet drapes lined the walls, tattered and moth-eaten; and the remnants of plush seating lay scattered about, some torn and others still surprisingly intact.

Lucio led her through the foyer, his footsteps echoing off the high ceilings. The grandeur of the theatre’s stage was revealed as they entered the main hall. Despite the dust and cobwebs, the stage retained its regal charm, with its once-brilliant red curtains now hanging in tatters and the remnants of a lavishly decorated backdrop partially visible.

Y/N was brought to the centre of the stage, her heart pounding with anxiety. The vast space around her seemed empty and imposing. Lucio’s men roughly tied her to a sturdy wooden chair placed in the middle of the stage, securing her wrists and ankles with thick rope. A strip of tape was placed over her mouth, effectively silencing any protests or pleas for help.

Lucio stood at the edge of the stage, his presence looming over her. He gazed around the old theatre with a smirk, clearly amused by the contrast between its former splendour and its current state of decay.

“Now,” Lucio said, his voice dripping with false politeness, “we’re going to move on to the more important part of our business. I suggest you make yourself comfortable, though I doubt you’ll be enjoying the show.”

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small bag of white powder. He dipped into it with a tiny golden spoon. After snorting it, he turned toward Y/N with a mocking gesture, offering her some.

Y/N turned her head away in disgust, her anger and fear battling for control. Lucio’s smirk widened as he took another hit.

“Just so you know,” he said, his tone growing darker, “if you don’t cooperate, Chanyeol will be the one to suffer. I can make sure of that, believe me.”

He then gestured for the men to leave the stage, and they exited, their footsteps fading into the distance. The theatre’s oppressive silence enveloped Y/N, amplifying her sense of isolation.

Alone on the stage, Y/N surveyed her surroundings with a mix of hope and desperation. The grandeur of the theatre, despite its decay, might hold some hidden opportunities. She had to stay calm and find a way to escape, both for herself and for Chanyeol.

As Y/N remained tied to the chair, the echoes of Lucio’s footsteps grew fainter, leaving her alone in the oppressive silence of the abandoned theatre. The dim light from a single overhead bulb flickered intermittently, casting long shadows that danced across the stage. Her thoughts raced with plans for escape, but for now, she had to wait.

Outside, the night air was crisp and cool, and the city lights shimmered faintly in the distance. Unbeknownst to Y/N, Chanyeol was pacing anxiously in his upscale apartment, his mind a whirlwind of worry. The usual calm of his surroundings did little to soothe his nerves, especially with Y/N missing and the fire at her apartment still fresh in his mind.

Chanyeol’s phone buzzed on the glass coffee table, pulling him from his anxious thoughts. He picked it up, expecting a message from Y/N or a far-fetched text from Kai. Instead, the screen displayed a single notification from an unknown number.

He tapped on it, and the message that appeared was cryptic and chilling:

“If you want her back, you need to act fast. Tonight’s performance is just the beginning. Come to the old theatre at midnight. Time is running out.”

Chanyeol’s heart raced as he read the message, his face going pale. The gravity of the situation hit him like a freight train. The old theatre—he knew where that was. The message was a sinister hint about what was to come, and the urgency in its words made his stomach churn.

He quickly glanced at his watch; it was already past ten-thirty. There was no time to waste. Chanyeol’s mind raced as he grabbed his coat and headed for the door. His phone buzzed again, but he didn’t have time to check it. He had to get to the theatre and figure out what Lucio had planned.

The apartment was left in chaotic disarray as Chanyeol rushed out, his pulse pounding in his ears. He had to find Y/N before it was too late. The message had made one thing painfully clear: the night was far from over, and the real danger was just beginning.

[rikyangi]

— Love and Hate • Chansoo

— Escrito pro Kaimeow

Sinopse:

Kyungsoo odiava Chanyeol. Principalmente quando ele derrubava seus livros de propósito toda a manhã na troca de horários.

[ifdimpeul]

★ CAPA PARA DOAÇÃO | short ou longfic

todas indisponíveis.

[myrainbowgelpen]

EXO — fic rec

I’d do anything if it meant this could be forever

BYUN BAEKHYUN

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ fluff ₊˚౨ৎ˚₊smut ₊˚౨ৎ˚₊angst ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

PARK CHANYEOL ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

to be updated…

DOH KYUNGSOO ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

to be updated…

OH SEHUN ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

to be updated…