#kyle this guy valenti

[asexual-juliet]

kyle valenti + text posts

[dr-lizortecho]

[post-modern-prometheus]

kyle valenti is the steve harrington of roswell

[men-men-everywhere]

Michael Trevino

[pastelwitchling]

My prompt is that Kyle works as an army surgeon and he is one Alex is brought to when he gets injured.

***

Michael had forgotten about Alex inviting Kyle over Sunday afternoon. He’d forgotten about Alex’s fond smile and twinkling eyes when he’d told Kyle to have a late lunch with them on their one day off. Conveniently, he’d also forgotten all about waking Alex up from his much-needed afternoon nap when Kyle’s knock came at the door.

“Sorry,” he smiled, “Alex moved. See you never.”

He was about to shut the door in his face when Kyle caught the edge and pushed back. “Guerin, I swear, you can either go tell Alex I’m here, or I’ll scream until he hears me.”

Michael frowned. “Wow, Valenti. Alex has barely slept all week, he’s finally getting some rest, and you want me to go wake him up? I thought you cared about him.”

“You’re such a dick,” Kyle grumbled, shouldering his way in, knowing full well that he was probably one of the only two people in the world that Alex would never forgive Michael for kicking out. He still liked to believe the other guy never existed, but that was a whole other issue he didn’t have the mental space for right now. Not when Kyle was tossing his keys on the coffee table like he lived here, and heading into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea.

“I mean it, Guerin,” he said easily, starting the water heater. “You either go wake him up, or I do.”

“Go wake him from the only sleep he’s had in days?” Michael scoffed. “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.”

Kyle gave him a deeply unimpressed look. “Taking long naps in the afternoon isn’t going to help him sleep at night. Besides, I need to check his leg, that’s the whole reason we set this up.”

Michael straightened, alert. “What’s wrong with his leg?”

He shrugged. “The pain’s been worse lately.”

“I haven’t noticed that,” Michael said before he could think better of it.

“What, Alex hiding his pain? Personally, I’m shocked.”

He clenched his jaw. “Alex would tell me.”

“C’mon, Guerin,” Kyle sighed. “You know what he’s like. He’ll deal with the pain by himself as long as he can. Nothing you or I can do about that. You should’ve seen the day he actually lost his leg.”

Michael, who’d been looking towards the corridor where his and his husband’s bedroom was, slowly turned to look at the doctor. “What?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” he said, oblivious to what he’d confessed to as he poured water over his teabag and stirred in some sugar. “I know he was in shock, but . . .” he tensed, his words only now catching up to him, and his shoulders fell with a sigh. He looked over his shoulder at Michael, his dark eyes apologetic. “Don’t tell him.”

Michael glanced at the corridor again. “You were there that day?”

“Keep your voice down!” he hissed, glancing towards the bedroom, too. “Look, Alex never knew, okay? I did a stint as an army surgeon for a while, and I got pretty good. Good enough to be the first to hear about a familiar name with a bullet in his leg.” He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as though trying to expel the memory. Michael, for the first time, was listening to him intently. “I jumped at the opportunity. Fought for it. Alex was unconscious the whole time I was in that room, I only know about his reaction . . . or his lack of it . . . because I hounded the nurses about it. I knew he’d . . .” he swallowed thickly, “I knew he’d have a rough time when he woke up. I wanted to stay right next to him, I swear, I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone, but . . .”

Michael nodded. If Alex had woken up and seen someone he’d known last as his bully, one of the first people to ever really break his heart, it would’ve made an already soul-crushing situation infinitely worse. Michael was in no mood to insult or mock, mostly because he would’ve given anything for Alex to have been happy to see Kyle there, to at least know he had a friend who actually cared at his side. And partly because he didn’t think he could claim he would’ve made Alex any happier being there himself. Not with the way they’d left things.

“Don’t tell him,” Kyle repeated, quieter this time, the plea evident in his voice. Michael just shook his head, the only reassurance he was willing to give, and Kyle hugged his mug with both hands, relieved.

Michael wanted to pretend he wasn’t telling Alex because he was jealous that Kyle had been there and he hadn’t, or that he couldn’t be bothered to care about Kyle’s secrets, but the truth was . . . he was grateful. He was so grateful that Kyle, at least, was there. That whether Alex knew it or not, he had had someone who cared enough to be there.

“M’gonna go wake him up,” he said. “You’re checking his leg before we eat.”

“Obviously,” Kyle said with a bit of impatience, whatever weird tension that had existed between them officially gone. Michael went down the hall and quietly opened their bedroom door to find Alex still dozing softly, wrapped around Michael’s pillow, unable to sleep without Michael’s sent surrounding him.

Despite the turmoil of emotion swirling in his chest, a soft smile tugged at Michael’s lips. He knelt on the edge of the bed, the one movement alone enough to make Alex’s eyes flutter.

“Mm mm?” was all Alex could manage.

Michael leaned down on his elbow beside him, brushing his hair back from his brow and pressing faint kisses from his warm temple down to his chin, sliding a hand up his spine as Alex melted deeper into the bed instead of waking properly.

“Kyle’s here, babe.”

“Hmm?”

“Kyle’s here.”

“Hmm.” He nodded, his cheek squished against the pillow. “I’ll get up, gimme a sec.”

Michael’s heart was about to burst out of his chest. The Alex he knew would be up and out of bed, ready for the day the very second his eyes opened. The fact that his husband felt safe and loved enough these days to enjoy his few moments of peace meant the world to Michael. It meant he was doing this husband thing right.

“Okay,” Michael laid down properly next to him. “I’ll wait with you then.”

              He smiled sleepily. “No, Michael, go wait with Kyle.”

              “Yeah,” he scoffed, “like that’ll happen.” Their smiles lasted all of a few minutes, then Michael asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about your leg hurting?”

              At this, Alex’s eyes opened a sliver, quietly studying Michael’s face. “Honestly?”

              Michael frowned, cupping Alex’s jaw. “Yeah, Private, honestly.”

              He shrugged a shoulder. “I didn’t notice. I’m so used to limping, to the exhaustion, to the migraines . . . I didn’t even realize the source of the pain was my leg until Kyle came over to Deep Sky yesterday. He took one look at me, told me to sit down for a minute, and then the next thing I knew, I . . . couldn’t stand back up.” His eyes shut, and a self-deprecating chuckle escaped him. “It’s scary sometimes, thinking that someday I . . . might not . . . be able to . . .”

              “Hey,” Michael cupped his jaw, “if that ever happened, I’d carry you everywhere on my back. I only care that you’re here, Alex.” He slid a hand to the nape of Alex’s neck. “And I know that’s all Valenti cares about.”

              Alex raised a brow, his smile small but returned. “Did you just compliment Kyle?”

              Michael made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat, but as Alex laughed, he couldn’t help but watch him and think of that day so many years ago now, when Alex had lain asleep in a hospital bed, not knowing that when he woke up, he’d find a part of himself gone forever. Not knowing that he’d had a friend to hold his hand and fight to make sure that he would make it out of that hospital room.

              Michael hadn’t been able to really hate Kyle for a long time. Now, knowing he’d saved his husband, he didn’t think he’d ever stop being thankful to him—

              “GUERIN!” Kyle’s muffled voice sounded from inside. “STOP MAULING HIS FACE AND LET HIM GET OUT OF BED SO I CAN CHECK ON HIS LEG ALREADY!”

              “Son of a bitch!” Michael sat up, glaring at the door. “Does he want me to kill him?!”

              “No one’s killing anybody,” Alex groaned as he sat up, already in better spirits with his cheeks pink and smile soft and amused and so, so loving. “I’m coming!” he called back, and suddenly hissed, doubling over his leg and automatically grabbing Michael’s shoulder in a vicelike grip.

              “Hey, hey,” Michael wrapped him in his arms and held on tight. “You’re okay, it’s okay.”

              “I-I know,” he managed through clenched teeth, his face pressed to Michael’s collarbone. “Just . . . stay here for a second.”

              Again, the image of Alex alone in his hospital bed came to mind, and Michael tightened his hold on him. “I’m not going anywhere, Private. You’re not alone.”

[bekkachaos]

How about #18 and platonic Kylex for the prompts? ❤️

18. “This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.”

Alex and Kyle had come a long way since high school. For a while Alex wanted to hold a grudge, hated the person Kyle had become when he realised that popularity was an option for him.

And he did hold onto that, for a while, at least until Jim Valenti died. At that point Alex had one of those moments where he realised that the world was bigger than his teenage anger, and people were more than who they thought they needed to be in high school.

The first few times they started to interact again after Alex got back from his last tour he definitely felt that decade-old bitterness rising in his throat, and it took a while before he was ready to part with it. Well, a while and a few alien mishaps.

But spending time together again, Alex had started to remember why they got along so well as kids outside the forced proximity. Now, they spent time together a couple of times a week, either with their alien counterparts or without.

On this particular day though, Kyle and Alex had set up their meeting weeks earlier, because it wasn't just a casual catch up. Alex was using his tech skills to help Kyle set up the perfect proposal, and Michael had been enlisted to keep Isobel away until everything was ready.

"Give me a few broken bones, some corroded arteries even, I can fix up a human body no problem but wires and metal and... programming, no thank you," he said as he watched Alex hook his hard drive into the computer at the drive in. They (Alex) had hooked up some old monitors around the lot, then connected to the main projector. When the sun was setting he would get all of Kyle's carefully curated film segments together to play in the right sequence, and on the right monitors. At least he would when the systems started talking to each other like they were supposed to. "Seriously, thank you Alex. You don't have to do this if you don't want to, I can just find a less technological way of doing this."

Alex snorted out a laugh, looking up at him with a raised brow.

“This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had," he grinned. "Of course I’m in.”

It was Kyle's turn to snort derisively, folding his arms over his chest as he looked down at Alex who had gone back to tinkering with the connection ports.

"I'm sorry this is the stupidest? This? Not the time we were kids and I thought it would be smart to have you lock me in that rusty old fridge in summer? Or when I thought hey, you know what would be a good idea? Open heart surgery, on an alien?"

Alex raised an eyebrow because clearly, the pressure was getting to him. "To be fair, the heart surgery wasn't your plan. And it was a success."

"And the fridge?" Kyle said with a huff.

"I've seen sweatier men than that."

"Don't elaborate."

"I mean," Alex said with a grin. "Relying on Michael to keep a secret all the while spending the day with Isobel. I'll figure this bit out eventually, but he's the real wildcard here."

"He's kept bigger secrets, don't you think?" Kyle said.

"Yeah but this is a secret that will eventually be coming out, so there's really no motive for him to keep it. Hand me that hard drive would you?"

"What, you think Michael's going to ruin it?" Kyle said as he grabbed the hard drive from the backpack and handed it to Alex.

"No, I gave him a stern talking to."

"A stern talking to or I'll give you a spanking if you're a bad boy?"

"Hey, don't question the method if it gives you the results you want," Alex grinned. "And that would hardly be a deterrent."

Kyle rolled his eyes and ran his hands over his face.

"I'm just saying," he said. "Thanks, for helping."

"I'm your friend Kyle, that's what friends do when one of them wants to do an elaborate proposal," he said, looking up at him with a grin. "Especially when you're the tech-guy friend."

He turned back to the computer, finally opening up the sequencing program so he could stage the timing and hook up the visual to the right monitors.

Kyle thought about those words for a moment. His teeth dug into his bottom lip as he thought about what they meant, everything they had been through. How Alex had always upheld his end, and Kyle had let his end fall apart.

"Sorry I wasn't a better one," he said softly, and Alex turned back to him with a curious gaze.

"If you're talking about things that happened almost fifteen years ago-"

"I know I've probably said it before," he said, cutting Alex off. "But I don't really think there's a statute of limitations on treating someone like crap and then asking them to help you propose to your girlfriend."

Alex exhaled slowly, looking back at Kyle with kind eyes and waiting for him to say what he needed to.

"I just mean that I'm sorry for everything that happened between us. I guess the last couple of years especially have made me see it but I thought about it a lot after high school. I mean those friendships were just hollow and I didn't realise until I left. Thought about you a lot in those 10 years."

"I didn't really think about you," Alex said with a shrug.

"Fair, and I get that."

"I mean," Alex said with a fond shake of his head. "At least not until your dad. And I know how much it hurt me to hear about what happened to him. So all I could think was how much you must be hurting. Even thought about calling but changed my mind straight away because all I could remember was who you were when I left. And then I got back from a war and, I just didn't have the energy to hold that anger, you know? Suddenly seemed kind of stupid, to still be affected by something from high school."

Kyle made a humming sound as Alex made a satisfied sigh as he turned back to look at him.

"Is this you telling me I'm stupid?" Kyle said, eyes narrowed but a smile playing on his mouth.

"No," Alex shrugged, looking up at him with a grin. "But if that's what you took out of it I'm not going to correct you. I think I've got this all set by the way. You sure you're ready?"

"Hey, you make it look easy," Kyle said. "And you married Michael."

They chucked together, followed by a moment of quiet until Alex got to his feet.

"For the record," he said, reaching out to put a hand on Kyle's shoulder. "What I meant when I said this was a stupid plan was that you don't have to go all out on the proposal, intimate and simple works just as well."

"You think I should find a secret alien dimension and use the phrases 'I'm dying' and 'marry me' in the same sentence?" he said with a raised brow.

Alex rolled his eyes and lightly smacked his shoulder.

"Could probably meet in the middle somewhere."

Luckily, Alex had finished with perfect timing. He messaged Michael to bring Isobel down, and by the time the truck was pulling up the sun was shedding a soft orange and pink glow over the horizon.

Alex watched Kyle exhale heavily as he heard the doors closing and gave him a nudge with his elbow.

"Too late to back down now," he said, and Kyle turned to him with soft eyes.

"Thanks Alex," he said, nodding to him with that nervous excitement brewing inside him. "Really, I mean it."

Alex rolled his eyes again and reached out to pull Kyle into a hug. They had probably done it in the years since they reconnected, but it felt like the first time, the start of a friendship fully renewed, leaving the stubbornness of their past behind them.

They broke apart when Isobel's voice called out somewhere across the lot, Alex reaching over to start the sequence for Kyle.

"Go on," he said. "Really no turning back now."

Kyle grinned, one last tap to Alex's shoulder as he ran towards his place.

As Alex watched him disappear between the old pallets and the screen, Michael slowly crept up beside him.

"That was adorable," he teased.

"Shut up," Alex said, leaning into him as they found a vantage point to watch.

They'd all come such a long way since seventeen, and in a weird way, Alex wouldn't change a thing.

send me a pairing and a prompt from this list 💕

[polycule-playoff]

Last Edited: 15 September 2024

Polycules that are in the running:

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy

Stephen King's It

Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough, Ben Hanscom, Stan Uris, Mike Hanlon, Kay McCall, Audra Phillips and Patty Blum

Sherlock Holmes

Irene Adler, Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mary Morstan, and Godfrey Norton

Doki Doki Precure

Cure Heart, Cure Diamond, Cure Rosetta, Cure Sword and Regina

A3!

Tsumugi Tsukioka, Tasuku Takato, Hisoka Mikage, Homare Arisugawa, Azuma Yukishiro and Guy

Persona 5

Akira Kurusu/Ren Amamiya, Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Makoto Niijima, Futaba Sakura, Haru Okumura, Goro Akechi, Sumire Yoshizawa, Morgana and Yuuki Mishima

Akira Kurusu/Ren Amamiya, Hifumi Togo, Chihaya Mifune, and Lavenza

Witch's Heart

Claire Elford, Noel Levine, Ashe Bradley, Wilardo Adler and Sirius Gibson

Ensemble Stars!!

Leo Tsukinaga, Tsukasa Suou, Arashi Narukami, Izumi Sena, Ritsu Sakuma, Mao Isara, Hokuto Hidaka, Subaru Akehoshi and Makoto Yuuki

Stranger Things

Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Jonathan Byers, Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley, Argyle, Chrissy Cunningham, Eden Bingham, and Vickie.

Star Trek DS9

Elim Garak, Julian Bashir, Miles O'Brien, Keiko O'Brien, Kira Nerys, Jadzia Dax, Odo Ital, Quark, Worf, Ezri, Sisko, Lwaxana Troi, Kasidy Yates-Sisko, and Lenara Kahn

The Owl House

Luz Noceda, Amity Blight, Willow Park, Hunter, and Gus Porter

Dracula

Jonathan Harker, Mina Harker, Lucy Westenra, Quincey Morris, Jack Seward, Arthur Holmwood, and Abraham Van Helsing

The Breakfast Club

Brian Johnson, Andrew Clark, Allison Reynolds, Claire Standish, and John Bender

Winx Club

Bloom, Stella, Tecna, Musa, Flora, Aisha, Sky, Brandon, Timmy, Riven, Helia, Nex and Nabu

Resident Evil

Leon S Kennedy, Claire Redfield, Ada Wong and Helena Harper

The Case Study of Vanitas

Vanitas, Noe Archiviste, Dominique de Sade and Jeanne

Scooby Doo

Fred Jones, Daphne Blake, Shaggy Rogers, Velma Dinkley, Hot Dog Water, and Crystal.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Darla, Angel(us), Drusilla, and Spike/William

The Legend of Zelda

Revali, Zelda, Link, Mipha, Sidon, Yona, Paya and Tauro

The Magicians

Fen, Eliot Waugh, Margo Hanson, Josh Hoberman, Quentin Coldwater, and Arielle

Haikyū!!

Kiyoko Shimizu, Yachi Hitoka, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Kōtarō, Akaashi Keiji, Kuroo Tetsurō, Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shōyō, Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, and Ushijima Wakatoshi

Genshin Impact

Cyno, Alhaitham, Kaveh, Tighnari, Dehya, Nilou, Faruzan, Dunyarzad, and Candace

Kaeya, Rosaria, Albedo, and Sucrose

Neuvillette, Wriothesley, Navia, Clorinde, Zhongli, Childe, and Furina

Kujou Sara, Gorou, Arataki Itto and Sangonomiya Kokomi

Heaven Official's Blessing

Xie Lan, Hua Cheng, Mu Qing, Feng Xin, Yin Yu, and Quan Yizhen

Torchwood

Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Rhys Williams, Owen Harper, Ianto Jones, and Toshiko Sato

Spiderman

Peter Parker, Harry Osborn, Mary-Jane Watson, Gwen Stacy, Liz Allan, Felicia Hardy, and Johnny Storm

Beastars

Legosi, Louis, Haru, and Juno

Lupin III

Lupin III, Goemon Ishikawa XIII, Daisuke Jigen, and Fujiko Mine

Demon Slayer

Tengen, Makio, Suma, and Hinatsuru

Omori

Sunny, Kel, Basil, and Aubrey

Cookie Run

Herb Cookie, Vampire Cookie, Sparkling Cookie, Mint Choco Cookie, and Cocoa Cookie

The Grail Quest

Percival, Galahad, Bors, Dinadrane, and Blanchefleur

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair/Super Danganronpa 2

Hajime Hinata, Kazuichi Soda, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, Sonia Nevermind, and Akane Owari

Zero Escape

Akane Kurashiki, Junpei, Sigma Klim, Carlos, Diana, and Snake

Roswell New Mexico

Nora Truman, Louise Truman, Theo, Tripp Manes and Roy Bronson

Max Evans, Isobel Evans, Michael Guerin, Liz Ortecho, Kyle Valenti, Maria DeLuca, Alex Manes, Jenna "Cam" Cameron, Heath, Dallas Haines, Greg Manes and Anatsa

The Raven Cycle

Blue Sargent, Richard Gansey, Ronan Lynch, Adam Parrish, Noah Czerny, and Henry Cheng

Warcraft

Khadgar, Kalecgos, Illidan, Kael'thas Sunstrider, Vashj, Arthas Menethil, Jaina Proudmoore, Nathanos Blightcaller, Sylvanas Windrunner, Tiffin Wrynn, Varian Wrynn, Halduron Brightwing, Thalyssra, Lor'themar Theron, and Rommath

Welcome to Demon School Iruma-kun

Suzuki Iruma, Asmodeus Alice, Valac Clara, Azazel Ameri, and Purson Soi

My School President

Gun, Tinn, Sound, Win, Tiw, Por, Yo, Nook, Pat, and Kajorn

Bad Buddy

Pat, Pran, Korn, and Wai

Guardian Tales

Knight, Elvira, Arabelle, Beth, Priscilla, Yuze, Bianca, Loraine, Eva, and Camilla

Word of Honor/Faraway Wanders

Wen Kexing, Zhou Zishu, Han Ying, Jing Beiyuan, and Wuxi

The New Teen Titans

Dick Grayson, Koriand'r, Victor Stone, Rachel Roth, Joseph Wilson, Donna Troy, and Garfield Logan

Baldur's Gate 3

Astarion, Gale, Lae'zel, Karlach, Shadowheart, Wyll, and Durge

Kagerou Project

Ayano Tateyama, Shintaro Kisaragi, Takane Enomoto, and Haruka Kokonose

NU Carnival

Eiden, Aster, Morvay, Yakumo, Edmond, Olivine, Quincy, Kuya, Garu, Blade, Dante, Rei, and Karu/Garu

Project Sekai

Kanade Yoisaki, Mafuyu Asahina, Mizuki Akiyama, and Ena Shinonome

Riverdale

Archie Andrews, Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper, and Veronica Lodge

Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu

Zane Julien, Kai Smith, Jay Walker and Cole

Mysterious Lotus Casebook

Li Lianhua, Qiao Wanmian, Di Feisheng, and Fang Duobing

Trigun

Vash the Stampede, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Meryl Stryfe, and Milly Thompson

[meggiejolly]

I had an idea while doing the dishes and listening to the RWRB audiobook:

What if Michelle Valenti is Ann Evans’ opponent in the presidential race? That could mean a roll for Kyle. And maybe the Valentis were diplomats in Britain when he was a child/teenager and that was when he was a bully to Alex. And now the fact that his dad died and his mother is a republican that’s what turns him into a good guy.

I feel a little bad putting Michelle into the role of Richards, but I think it works.

You can find all the posts about this AU here.

[shpadoinkle-day]

Making South Park is a dirty job - at least, if its creators have an say in the matter.

By PAT ST.GERMAIN -- Winnipeg Sun

HOLLYWOOD -- The South Park movie Bigger, Longer And Uncut kicked some serious flaming butt in Hollywood, but now it's time for foul-mouthed third graders Kenny, Stan, Kyle and Eric Cartman to get back to bleepin' TV, m'kay?

Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone say they're burned out after the movie and look forward to resuming their 73-show deal with Comedy Central after a six-week vacation, their first in three years.

"We just wanna get back to the show. I like TV a lot better a lot of times," Stone says. "There's a creative satisfaction to TV because you can just come up with something, do it, put it on the air. With a movie you have to do something for a year, it's really hard to keep your passion up that long."

Parker, a former prom king who's mildly obsessing about his 30th birthday this October, says he and Stone, a lanky 28 year old with a wild, kinky mane and matching attitude, don't have specific plans for the new season, but they're not sweating it.

The crudely animated show, which airs on Global and The Comedy Network on Friday nights in Canada, has only a nine-day production schedule. So far, Parker says comedian Chris Rock is onboard as a guest star in "the new Halloween episode -- he'll probably be a little white guy."

But there probably won't be more evil celebrity characters in monster spoofs like the heinously funny Barbra Streisand Mecha-Streisand episode.

"You know, Barbra's the only celebrity we really despise, so maybe we'll just sort of do that again," Parker says. Babs is apparently widely detested in Parker and Stone's home state of Colorado, first because "she single-handedly ruined Aspen" by turning it into a Hollywood satellite burg, and later because she slammed state politics Parker says she knew nothing about.

A few other Hollywood heavyweights have irritated the creative free spirits lately, but to use a pet phrase, they don't give a ... um, darn.

Their highly publicized battles with the U.S. ratings body had MPAA head Jack Valenti calling the pair liars and "hairballs" in print, a development Stone finds hilarious.

"F--ing great, I love it. I love it 'cause it's like flippin' off the principal and having the principal get mad, you know what I mean? It's like, f-- that guy."

Stone says there's a need for a ratings board, but it's "unnerving" that big studios can get R ratings when independent filmmakers have to take NC-17 ratings for the same product.

"The truth is we were treated extremely different when we were independent filmmakers than when we were doing the studio thing," he says.

After getting an NC-17 on three different cuts of the South Park movie -- in which the U.S. declares war on Canada after American kids see the R-rated Terrance And Phillip movie Asses Of Fire and emulate the flatulent, foul-mouthed Canadian cartoon heroes -- Stone says he blew his stack when he learned it was still rated NC-17 four weeks before it opened.

But a few well-placed calls from Paramount got the film an R rating by the next day.

"We didn't change one frame in the film. It had an NC-17, somebody leaned on them, they gave it an R, which is great for us, and I was totally happy. But when we did independent films like Orgazmo, we didn't have anybody to do that and we just had to f--ing put the movie out -- we had to make the choice, we were either butchering the movie or putting it out NC-17 and killing the movie and we took the latter."

Stone says Paramount executives have asked him and Parker not to talk about the MPAA, but as Cartman might say, he doesn't respect their authoritah -- blasting the ratings system is a matter of principle.

"The only people who can speak up about it are the filmmakers and the artists because no one else is going to because they're all in bed together."

He estimates the movie could have earned another $30 million at the box office as a family film, but he and Parker are glad they stuck to their raunchy guns.

"They wanted to make this PG-13 thing that would make sh--loads of money, you know, and we just wouldn't let them do it," Parker says. "And we pissed people off in the process, but we're proud of ourselves. We're still making a sh--load of money, so f-- 'em.

Stone says he figured early on that Bigger, Longer And Uncut would be their last shot at studio filmmaking, anyway.

"We kinda knew if we didn't hit a home run we were gonna be f--ed. You know, if we just came out with a pretty funny movie?"

"The movie felt like a swan song and it was like, you know how you hear about somebody committing suicide, and they're happy? It was kinda like that. We were like, 'Swan song, f--ing blow it out. I don't f--ing care.'

"This is our one chance and we're gonna go out in our own way, f-- 'em. I mean, we thought this is going to be the last thing we do, everybody's gonna f--ing hate it, and we're done and so let's just do whatever we wanna f--ing do that's gonna make our friends laugh, and f-- 'em."

But the musical -- Parker's "first love" is piano and he has a gift for writing wickedly brilliant show tunes -- turned out to be one of the best movies of the summer, although some critics panned its coarse language and crude subject matter.

"I think Roger Ebert's a pretty smart guy and I respect his reviews, but in his TV show he gave us a thumbs down, which is fine -- if you don't like the movie, fine I don't care," Stone says. "But he was also kinda mad about the content ... and this is the guy who wrote Beneath The Valley Of The Dolls and if you've seen that, I just watched it last week ... and I was like this is the most f--ing depraved smut."

Despite its critics, the subversive movie has won over some new fans of the Terrance and Phillip flip-top head variety.

"Yeah, we've got a whole new Canadian following," Parker laughs."Everyone's response has been really cool. Everyone gets it. The joke is that we wanted to pick somebody who is so similar to us that the joke is, 'Why are we being racist?' And saying they talk different and look different when really they don't much at all."

Stone says the pair may do another TV show, which would likely be animated, and there are "rumblings" about a movie sequel. But the only certainty is that whatever they choose, they'll do it their way.

"For better or worse, we don't have a manager, we don't have a publicist, we don't have a managed image, you know what I mean? We can f--ing do whatever we want," Stone says.

"And sometimes it succeeds and sometimes it totally fails, but we just do what we want, 'cause you know, the times we've done what we want, it turned into South Park, which everyone told us would be a big failure. "If we're gonna lose -- if we're gonna be f--in' losers -- we're just gonnalose our own way."

[shieldretired]

@shcftingpieces gets a starter for Sexy Surgeon Kyle

                               STEVE MAKES IT TO THE MEDICAL BAY AT SHIELD HQ WITHOUT ANY HELP, which, in his opinion, means that he doesn't need medical assistance in the first place, but Romanoff threatens to knock him out and physically drag him to a doctor if he leaves without getting patched up, so here he is, lightly stumbling through the door and spooking a nearby nurse. "I might need a couple of stitches," he tells the doctor closest to him. The guy looks vaguely familiar (either they met in the cafeteria before or maybe when Steve dragged one of his team members here), and Steve's eyes flicker to the name tag on his white coat. "And while you're at it, it would be awesome if you could dig the bullet out because it's really uncomfortable when my body does it on its own, Dr. Valenti," Steve adds, gesturing at his right arm, which he keeps close to his body. He's wearing the dark blue stealth suit, so it's hard to see blood, but a coppery smell is in the air, and Steve looks distinctly pale – paler than his Irish complexion usually is.

[asexual-juliet]

moodboard: KYLE VALENTI

[dr-lizortecho]

the weight of possibly shooting the boyfriend

[lostlabyrinths]

i didn't know who else to turn to. / kyle and guerin !!! / @ownmidnight

IF HIS HIGH SCHOOL SELF COULD SEE HIM NOW. it's a petty thought. pettier than guerin would have liked in that moment, but the picture of KYLE FUCKING VALENTI at HIS door, begging for HIS help meant hell must be frozen and opening some kind of evil ski resort. like squeezing water from a stone, michael guerin truly thought he'd never see the day. the problem, however, is that particular brand of satisfaction is short-lasting. so short, he doesn't even really get to enjoy it because now he gets it. gets the full picture: understands that alex wasn't just wrapped up in his work with his phone turned off. wasn't ignoring his texts because of some unspoken slight guerin had made. ALEX WAS MISSING. AND KYLE FUCKING VALENTI was the only guy who could help. karma was a beautiful, relentless bitch. he leaves the door open and walks back in the house. a dual purpose motion of not necessarily having to invite KYLE FUCKING VALENTI in to his and his boyfriend's sacred home, and sparring no time to get his keys and phone. maybe even a third satisfaction of not answering kyle's cry for help so immediately, despite giving it readily. " deep sky, yeah? " guerin could bypass all their multi-million dollar security with just the nod of his head, but he had to entertain the idea that this was not a bridge he could yet burn if alex was fine. ONLY because his boyfriend would be sad. all the other repercussions be damned. he had to control the anger simmering beneath his skin. too hot, and he'd get them into an even worse position than they'd started with. he throws the question over his shoulder, steps sure and confident in their motion to GET MOVING " when was the last time you heard from him? "

[thepunkmuppet]

the kyle valenti gender envy is insane rn like hhhhh how does he look like thatttt

also I’m so sad for him. liz does not care and he really genuinely does don’t do my guy dirty like this istg

[pastelwitchling]

So since you're taking prompts I hope you don't mind me adding one

Overprotective Michael and Kyle

Maybe isobel and Alex have to do something and Michael and Kyle are both stressed for the same reason, their spouse and their sibling are doing something risky

@brittz-2123

***

“This is the dumbest plan in the history of dumb plans, and that’s saying something coming from me!”

“And yet, miraculously,” Kyle said through gritted teeth, his head ducked and his fists on the table, “your complaining about it hasn’t stopped anything.”

“I’m not complaining,” Michael snapped at him, “I’m venting my vehement disagreement to this crap plan.”

“You’ve been venting for the past two days, Michael,” Isobel said, irritated. “Get over yourself, we’re doing this.”

Michael rounded on Alex. “Why can’t I go instead?”

“We’ve already been over this, Guerin,” Alex said, the only one eternally calm in the face of Michael’s anger and fear. “Isobel’s the best empath of all of the three of you, and I’m the only one that knows how to break through their firewalls. She’ll get us in, I’ll do my thing, and we’ll both be out in no time.”

“Out in no time,” Michael repeated faintly, turning away.

“I hate to say this,” Kyle said, “I really, really do, but I agree with Guerin. You guys are walking into Project Shepherd’s last known headquarters. These guys are going to be pissed about Jesse and desperate to do their jobs right now that they’re all that’s left. That makes a very dangerous combination for an already very dangerous group of people.”

“No one’s more dangerous than me,” Alex said, typing away at his laptop in Michael’s bunker where he’d taken to working, and damn him for looking so unperturbed, with his sleeves pushed up to his elbows and his watch emphasizing his strong wrists and the slight purse of his lips that left heat in Michael’s gut.

“Stop being hot,” Michael cursed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “you’re distracting me.”

Alex smirked, but continued working. “You guys are adorable for worrying and all—”

Michael glared. “You think Valenti’s adorable?”

“—but you do know I’m an ex-Air Force captain, right? And Isobel has half the town on speed dial. Even without her powers, no one’s better with people than she is.”

Isobel looked stunned and pleased by his assessment, and Michael got it, really, he did. Alex never sugarcoated anything, he didn’t compliment you unless you were the best at something—made sense since his competence usually rose to unfairly attractive levels with anything he put his mind to—so it was hard not to preen under his praise.

Unfortunately for him, it was ineffective on Michael because, try as he might, Alex complimenting anyone else left an ugly little black monster in his chest that wanted to demand every inch of his husband’s attention. Besides, Isobel being good at dealing with people did not reassure her brother who was less eager to let her jump into the den of mindless soldiers. And it did absolutely nothing to reassure Michael that she could keep inquisitive eyes off Alex when they got inside, especially since every soldier in there had his husband as On Sight Priority #1.

“Alex, they will kill you if they even kind of suspect you,” he said. “Everyone in there blames you for what happened to Jesse, they know you spent a year hunting them down! How do you think they’re going to react when they see your face?!”

“They won’t see his face,” Isobel said, “not if I’m there to do my little mind-meld thing and divert their attention. Alex will be able to walk right past them without anyone noticing.”

“But what if they do?” Michael demanded of his husband, eyes fixed on the side of Alex’s face. “All it takes is one person, Alex. One person, and then I lose you, and I swear, if I lose you, I will bury this entire damn town underground!”

Michael tried to belittle the sentiment with jokes, a way to say that there was actually no telling what he would do if anyone ever even thought of taking Alex away from him, and Alex saw that in the way Michael’s entire body trembled, the way the ground shook and tools and projects fell off their shelves because Michael’s mind wouldn’t stop running.

Alex looked from him to Kyle, then at Isobel who shrugged with more than a little exasperation as though to say, I don’t know what else to tell these idiots. Finally, Alex’s shoulders straightened and he patted the chair beside him for Kyle to sit down. Then he closed his laptop, fixed Michael with a hard stare, then smiled softly and pushed away from the desk, his arms held out.

Michael swallowed the lump in his throat and walked over until he was standing between Alex’s legs, his arms wrapped around Alex’s shoulders. Alex hugged his waist, his ear pressed to Michael’s stomach for a long minute as he just breathed him in, and the feel of him, smell of him, steady cool weight of him eased the thrashing in Michael’s chest bit by bit.

“Do you think I could stand to be away from you?” he asked, his hands sliding around Michael’s waist and down to his hips. “Do you think I would let anyone take me away from you?” To Kyle, he asked, “Do you think Isobel would? The woman jumped into Max’s dying mind just to be with him in his final moments, you don’t think she’d fight like hell to get back to you?”

Isobel looked to Kyle with the softest expression Michael had ever seen on her; she really did love him, maybe as much as she loved Max and Michael, and Michael knew there was nothing Isobel wouldn’t do to be with her brothers, and Alex . . .

What hasn’t he done to keep Michael happy? What battle hasn’t he fought to be with him?

Michael’s lack of answer showed itself in his long, shaky exhale. He shut his eyes, sliding his hands into Alex’s hair and gripping the strands tightly with the effort of absorbing some of his strength.

It felt like hours before he’d finally forced the words out. “If . . . if you do this . . . you keep constant communication with us, right?”

“And we stay close by,” Kyle relented, looking like the words were costing him just as much.

Michael gripped Alex’s roots tighter, keeping their gazes together. “Very close by.”

“We hear anything we don’t like, and we’re busting in there.”

The words seemed threatening enough, but Michael didn’t miss the way Alex and Isobel glanced at each other, clearly saying, Aww aren’t these protective puppies so cute?!

Michael stuck his tongue in his cheek, and held Alex’s face in his hands, squishing his cheeks and forcing him to keep his eyes on him. “I will bring the building down before I let a single person touch you. Look me in the eye and tell me if you think I’m kidding.”

Alex didn’t need to search Michael’s eyes at all, his own filling with an undeniable comfort at Michael’s words. As steady as he always tried to be, Michael knew when he was secretly worried. And with Michael here to protect him, there was no reason for him to fear anything. He knew that.

“I know you’re not,” Alex whispered, and Isobel melted into Kyle’s embrace, sitting on his lap, just as relieved. “Why do you think I can be so brave?”

Michael softened infinitely, and pulled Alex in, kissing his crown. A few seconds later—

“I changed my mind again, you can’t go.”

Alex burst into laughter as Isobel scoffed and rolled her eyes, and he snuggled against Michael’s stomach. “It’s okay, baby. You guys will be very close by, remember?” He sighed deeply, smiling. “You’ll be there to save us.”

***

I sometimes forget I still have prompts in my inbox... 😅