#kusahatori

[hatorifromsomewhereelse]

TRIGGER WARNING : DARK SHIT, MENTION OF DEPRESSING STUFF, SUICIDE, VIOLENCE AND IDK

It feels like its day but its night

Lying in my bed, I'm awake

Maybe I should turn off the light

Before I make any mistakes

The only thing I do is complain

About life, about love, about problems

I have so many of em, I dont know how I could do

without

Maybe I'm making excuses, im too prideful to admit

Some stuff are entirely my fault and I am too weak to face it

No fuck Im sure most of what I endure

Are my very own horror sculptures

I should break them, I should break free

But man dont you see em they are so pretty

I feel like am dead, shot in the head

By millions of bullets shot by my "friends"

My family isnt really better, they all should have the title of killer

Cus most of the things that are still killing me have cast by them and them only

Ive been dying for years, long dry are the tears

Can someone just call an ambulance ?

Mother do you remember

Probably not you were never there

I wish I could say I dont remember your face but unfortunately its engrained in my brain

You left everything for grandma to do

She was sick and tired too

You are the queen of excuses and you gave me the gene I just fucking hate you

I want to escape my dna

Addictions and the face in the mirror

Remind me its impossible

To run away from your blood

My mind making me a criminal

Im killing myself cuz its better than killing anyone

Else

Where can I get a knife

Sharp enough so I dont stay alive

Cuz there's just cuts everywhere you look

Nothing bleeds enough to make me dead enough

My courage has left me long ago

Not even able to take responsibility

For my own actions, my own ego

My own sickness and my own dignity

I spend my days and night avoiding sanity

Cuz im not strong enough to carry the blame

I wish I could just make everything disappear instead of myself but everything is me and I am the problem

[hatorifromsomewhereelse]

TRIGGER WARNING : DARK AND DEPRESSING SHIT.

I can't. Always. In my head.

The only thing I hear, the only thing that resonates. Echoes of weakness everywhere. Makes everything sufficate.

Where is the air ? Where is the life ? It should be inside me but I can't be alive.

I have no right to oxygen, happiness or anything bright. I'll eat it up until there's no more, until I go back to the beginning.

I'll make it dirty, make it a whore. Oh, how I wish I could just fuck with it.

Maybe it would be easier, if I could fuck it out my brain but I dont do horror.

Im always too scared. Always anxious. I can't escape, I'm way too stressed to heal. They look at me, that's all I can see. The people, their eyes and their judgment.

I wanna breathe, I wanna be free from the hell that I have become. I wanna be somebody else, more like myself but maybe a bit less sick.

I wanna be different from what I was, cause I was just letting my behavior being dictated by my disease.

[hatorifromsomewhereelse]

TRIGGER WARNING : DARK SHIT, SUICIDE, MENTION OF ABUSE AND SEXUAL ABUSE

There's a litter of wine in my blood

My head is spinning, my thoughts are hazy

My skin is burning but inside I feel so cold

I don't know why I did that, I shouldnt have brought that wine

Now I'm not fine and scared that might become a habit cause I know I'm an addict just as much as my mom

And I dont know how to escape, to get out of the train, I'm scared it might crash, killing me in the process

I feel like I can't live without the substances I'm giving my brain so it can be just sad and tired instead of firing suicidal threats

The path that I'm on is full obstacles, there's even no road, no something to give you directions, nothing

I've been lost for so long, I can't even count how many days it's been since I was last feeling calm

Before the abuse, the rapes, negligence and traumas

Before all the cuts, drugs, alcohol and dramas

Im on a roll, so much bad decisions

But I like to hide behind all of that

To justify my sick mind

So I can do dumb shit and stop trying

Cause I'm exhausted and tired

To live barely alive

To survive but for what

What is the worth of someone

Who's no better than a corpse

Maybe even worse

I don't know man I'm lost

I can't judge cause my eyes are closed

Dont wanna look in the mirror

Too scary I still have night terror

When I see my face and it's hers instead

Cant get it out of my head

Of my dreams of my nightmares

My thoughts and everything else

I can never escape

I'll always be yours

It makes me wanna vomit

I wanna clean my blood

Be somebody else

Someone you don't recognize

Somebody you didnt name

Myself and not your price

I want that part to disappear

Cuz I can never forgive

What you made of me

What I carry

What you gave me is ugly

My head is spinning

From looking at it

The saddest sight to see

My body is weak

Not like I imagined

You didnt give me

Enough to grow

As I should be

I look like you so much

It hurts, damn, it hurts

I feel cursed

You make everything you touch

So much worse

[hatorifromsomewhereelse]

TW : Dark shit

What is my problem

What is the name of the curse

I wish there was someone to blame

Corrupted from birth

Can you believe it ?

It's like I got out from the gates of hell

I often wondered, when I was child

If my dad was the Devil

How could there be any other explanation ?

The sinking feeling

The deep impression

The discord inside me

The sick depression

The emptiness, procrastination, reminder of the past, hallucinations ?

God fuckinh help me

I dont think I am human at all and its not a case of possession

The essence of my being is just bad

Am I a demon ? Am I a demon ?

If everything is white then my blood is black

I cant escape my fate, Imma be exorcised

Cut my head off so I dont come back

Im so scary I give heart attacks

Dont come close to me, I'll dirty your mind

Im the bad example, the thing you wanna hide

I'll eat you up until there's nothing left

You need a cell to contain creatures like me

But im not letting myself getting caught so easily

I flee so swiftly you dont even notice

I prefer to hide in the shadows and act like I dont exist