#krampus records

[snailspell]

those who will tangle all your cables when you're not around if not paid homage to

[unproduciblesmackdown]

baby it's cold outside 15 sec clip baby!!!!

[magicaldogtoto]

December 5 is Krampusnacht, so here’s some relevant OC lore: Amare is afraid of Krampus.

She once allegedly encountered him in her hometown, and the local newspaper quoted her saying “What the [CENSORED]?! Get the [CENSORED] away from me!”

[allremixes]

It’s Christmas. Nothing bad is going to happen on Christmas!

[genuflecting]

apparently I've reached a state of social anxiety and sexual frustration where I experience the same phenomenon as cute aggression but about a person, because I just ended an interaction with a cute cashier at my favorite used book store by getting in my car and going "FUCK. god he was cute. FUCK."

[obsessivevoidkitten]

On The Naughty List

Yandere Krampus x Gender Neutral Reader CW: Noncon, spanking, bondage, dick piercings, size difference, Krampus, Christmas, assassin reader, punishment, kidnapping, biting, very mild blood from biting, general yandere behavior Word Count: 1.5k (Hey guys, I hope you all like this. Kinda rushed, not beta read, please forgive any errors. My second Christmas gift to you all. I hope your holiday is amazing <3)

You got yourself settled in your hotel room. It was very early in the morning, not past 3am, on Christmas. But you were not Santa Claus and you were not delivering cheer. You had with you only a simple black suitcase. The furnishings in your room were sparse, but that was okay. You did not select this room because of the accommodations but rather for its view. It was not particularly scenic, merely a view of a road and residential area. But you were an assassin and this room afforded you clear aim into the room of your target’s living room. All you had to do was wait.

Your weapon was easy enough to assemble. A sniper rifle, of course. Finally you saw your designated victim pull up into their driveway and enter their house, so you opened the window and readied yourself. An icy chill filled the room. Your vantage point was clear and your weapon was ready but before you could take out your mark you heard a strange and tumultuous sound from behind.

It sounded like the Earth was being torn asunder and the four winds themselves were howling in unison as they collided.

You turned around and saw the very fabric of space and tear before you leaving a purple portal leaking black mist blocking the door to the hotel room. An odd scent like that of cinnamon and coal filled the room. You were about to flee through the open window, you had the skills necessary to scale the building, but the window slammed shut before you could act.

Not many things made a hardened combatant turned assassin such as yourself scared but you would be lying if you said you weren’t trembling.

You could hear a slow and rhythmic pounding sound getting nearer and nearer as if some unseen monstrosity approached from the other side of the portal. And that’s exactly what it was.

The first thing you saw erupt through the rip in space was the head of a horned beast. It was humanoid and wore a wicked grin full of sharp teeth. Eyes like black coals stared into you, piercing you with unrestrained glee in your fear.

Followed by this terrifying face was its body.

Muscular thighs with legs like tree trunks that ended in cloven hooves.. And his whip-like tail lashed angrily at the air. The demonic beast was covered in thick black fur.

The horrifying creature was at least 7 feet. tall.

The faint scent of burning coal filled the space surrounding it.

It took a thundering step towards you, and you cowered in place, momentarily stunned as it said in a deep booming voice, "I’m Krampus and someone has been verrrry naughty this yeeeear."

Though you felt more fear than you ever thought possible you were still a trained combatant turned assassin for hire and you managed to collect yourself about as well as it was possible for any mere human to in such a situation.

You shot the thing right between the eyes with your high-powered rifle, and he... laughed. The bullet bounced off uselessly, and he just... laughed...

You screamed and shouted as loudly as you could, hoping to attract help. Though what they could possibly do when he had shrugged off, a bullet remained to be seen.

No help came for you. Krampus always magically silenced noise from leaking out of rooms where he was punishing someone.

Suddenly, he closed the difference between the two of you and was upon you in record speed, moving supernaturally fast for such a behemoth.

With precise movements, strong hands and sharp claws made confetti out of your dark clothing before he had you bent over his knee.

"I usually use a birch rute for this, but I wanna feel your skin on my hand..."

You struggled and tried to get away, but there was no chance he would let you go. Krampus had to punish many humans, but you were special. Ironically, it was your defiance, the fight in your eyes, that initially attracted him to you.

His hard, calloused hand came down on your bare ass, causing you to curse and tremble.

With all your training something as simple as a slap to your ass shouldn't have bothered you much, even from such a large adversary, but it was like he had slammed the essence of dread into your very heart.

But that still wasn't enough to still you. You kicked, punched, and clawed ferally at any inch of flesh you could reach, like a feral animal backed into a corner.

But he only laughed more as he spanked you over and over. Until you were crying. Worse than the pain was the total humiliation.

Through it all, though, you never stopped struggling. No matter how much terror and pain you endured. You didn't realize it, but it only made him more into you.

Everyone he had punished before, broke them like a kid with a toy, and left them to deal with the trauma. But you didn't seem so easily broken, and that sealed your fate.

If you kept resisting like you were, he was going to keep you forever.

Krampus finally stopped the assault on your rear and dragged you, kicking and screaming over to the bed. You could now see his cock, large and uncut with a frenum ladder set of piercings going up the underside of his length.

"Stop! Get away from me!!"

"Yeah, because you're really the one in position to give commands right now."

He chuckled and bent you over the bed as you writhed madly, knowing what was about to happen.

"Might need to keep you still for this."

In a puff of black smoke, a coil of rope appeared in his hand that he skillfully used to bind your legs and arms.

While he had tied up many people in his line of work, he had never actually used rape to punish someone. But he wanted to see how far he could take things with you. Though at this point, even if he broke you, he was sure he would keep you anyway, just to fix you up again.

Krampus spit on your hole and plunged his cock in roughly. Hardly enough prep to do anything for the pain. For the fiery burning stretch that came with his big dick breaching your entrance.

Despite being bound you still wriggled as best you could while screaming until your throat hurt.

"Fuck you! Goddamned piece o- AHHHH!!!!"

He smirked as he increased the pace. Good. His toy STILL wasn't crumbling apart.

Sharp claws raked your back as his hot breath cascaded down your neck while he whispered, "For someone so bad you feel so good."

Tears rushed down your cheeks. You were infuriated with him and with yourself for having allowed yourself to be taken with such ease. What was far more reprehensible than that though, was the fact that your body had adjusted to his size and it was actually starting to feel somewhat good despite the pain and discomfort.

You yelped as he lightly smacked your sore ass while fucking you.

"Go to H-hell bastard!"

"Ha, been there."

He pulled out, flipped you over on your back, and slid right back into, profuse amounts of precum now providing more adequate lubrication. Embarrassingly, you couldn't stifle a moan as he entered back into you with his piercings adding to the sensation you were trying to ignore.

If your legs hadn't been tied you would have tried to kick him right between the legs for making your body betray you like that.

He leaned over and nibbled on your neck lightly with his sharp teeth, licking up the little droplets of blood that welled to the surface of your skin

You moaned as he did so, as you were pulled closer and closer to orgasm.

Violently, you twitched as you came hard, blushing deeply and cursing him as you did so. He ignored you and licked the blush on your cheeks, humiliating you even farther.

For a few more moments you thrashed as much as you were able in overstimulation as he continued to breed you. His skin meeting yours with an audible slap at each thrust.

Finally he went in deep and filled you with abnormally hot cum that coaxed another orgasm from your exhausted body.

After a few moments of panting he sighed with content and slung you over his shoulders, cum leaking from you and out on to him as he carried you. Vulgarities rolling from your tongue with each heavy step he took.

Another portal opened and he stepped through with you. The cussing, the fierceness, the unbreakable spirit. A perfect partner.

You were the best Christmas gift he had ever given himself, and there was no way he was ever going to give you up.

[internationalnewspod]

The daily weird news roundup for Tues, Dec 6, 2022. Check out the International News Service wherever you get podcasts.

[ceruleanwhore]

Let's talk about the 'Journal 3 Missing Pages' from the Book of Bill

WARNING: Spoilers below!

So the Book of Bill includes that section of ‘Journal 3 The Missing Pages’ and these pages have been really bothering me ever since I got and read the book. This morning, I finally had time to open up my copy of the third journal and compare the books side-by-side and now these pages actually bug me more than they already did. For one thing, there is no way that the first three of these pages could have been in the third journal, even though the section is clearly labeled as being pages from that journal rather than just missing journal pages in general. For another, when considering Ford as a character and his motives and everything, there is no reason for some of these pages to be missing at all, particularly the stuff around mystery footprints and then the Krampus. Then, there’s also the problem of how this book is supposed to have been made by Bill and he’s not just an unreliable narrator, he’s lying out his ass the whole time and it not only isn’t out of the question that he could’ve fabricated these pages, it actually would make quite a bit of sense if he did.

Starting with the latter point, we clearly see in Journal 3 that while Ford and Fiddleford had a complicated relationship that didn’t end well, Ford never really went through the journal and tried to erase his presence like he did with Bill, and yet that is really the only reason why he would’ve removed that winter section. We have the carnival pages, so there’s actually no reason not to have the winter pages, even if he crossed out certain parts as he’s done with other sections and drawings on other pages. Crossing out the snowmen drawing and the parts about the gloves would make sense, but Ford removing the pages entirely kinda just doesn’t.

Now, it also makes just as little sense for him to have removed the latter half of the pages in this section that talk more about how he realized Bill betrayed him and his experience going up against Bill after the first portal incident. He’s recognized that Bill is tremendously dangerous and sees the value in plastering warnings about him all over the journal, and yet he turns around and destroys all the super valuable, important records of just what Bill was capable of and how bad it was? I get that, irl, this is probably just because the show relied on a bunch of stuff not being written in the journal so then this book is the place where they can put all of it since we’re curious about what we haven’t seen but, in universe, this makes no fucking sense.

Another thing that stands out to me as not making much sense is why he would’ve written two whole pages about Stan in which he records his conversation with Bill about it. His journals aren’t normal journals like normal people keep, they’re his way of recording data about his findings in his time as a field biologist in Gravity Falls. The least relevant of his pages in Journal 3 are the carnival pages but even those serve a purpose in the scope of his research by showing and talking about the fake supernatural stuff in the carnival which then can be directly contrasted with the real things he’s studied. Some of the stuff we got in these new pages would make a lot more sense if he actually had a separate, other journal that he kept like a normal diary and these pages were from that. Hell, if this is what they wanted to do then I think it would’ve made more sense to make that book and do it separately from the Book of Bill.

As for the idea that these pages were actually made by Bill, there’s a few things that stand out to me and make me feel like this is actually just fanfic Bill wrote that reflects his own perspective and even his own fantasies rather than a true or even heavily biased account from Ford himself. One of the main things is how Bill, throughout the book, is very much a bitter ex when it comes to Ford and when I read the parts about Fiddleford that are so heavily fiddauthor coded, it kind of feels like some Mr. Brightside type shit. When Fidds is making Christmas presents for Ford but forgetting to get anything for his wife or coming back early to play hero and save everyone from Krampus, I feel like both of those things, but especially the Krampus part, are out of character for him and it’s the sort of thing that Bill would make up and get mad about or whatever. Hell, no one talks about how valuable Fiddleford was for building that portal and Bill could’ve just manipulated him and gotten him on his side too but he never even tried and instead opted to spend his time and effort on getting Ford to reject Fiddleford.

The other thing that stands out a lot to me is the ‘Bill-Proof Suit’. Ford knows how the mindscape works and that something as stupid as a decoy brain with no neural function is never going to actually detour or stop Bill in the mindscape. Even if he was in the throes of sleep psychosis, this really isn’t the sort of thing I think Ford would ever come up with because it’s deeply impractical. Also, within two episodes of his return in s2, he had that whole computer bank in his basement that he tried to use to Bill-proof Dipper’s mind, so it seems more realistic to me that he was working on that during this period of time or, at the very least, it indicates the sort of thing he would think of as a solution which, notably, has nothing in common with the suit. However, if he started working on a real solution like that computer setup and Bill was annoyed about it, it would be super in character for Bill to make a fake journal page about Ford bringing back the Anti-Cipher’s Bill-Hunting Suit and looking like an idiot.

The main thing that, for me, solidifies this idea that Bill made these pages up is the overall tone of how Ford is presented vs. how Bill is. What we see over and over in these pages is Ford being either a pathetic weirdo or downright unhinged while Bill is only ever clever, witty, and tremendously powerful. Bill being sOoOo powerful is actually what sticks out the most, where he’s talking about all of his super strong, impressive powers and then, when it comes to his weaknesses, interrupts the whole book. Toward the end, the Pines come together to talk about how that’s really the whole point here is that he wants to be seen as this all-powerful god even when he’s actually just a loser rotting in a psych ward. 

When it comes to what exactly was happening in Ford’s mind during that period of time after the portal test, I think it’s actually quite complicated but, overall, I don’t think Bill had a fraction of the power described in the dialogue on the dark pages of the ‘The War in my Mind’ section. What we know is that Bill made a deal with Ford so that he can possess Ford while he’s sleeping — but only while he’s sleeping. I think it’s interesting that the sticky notes bit was included because that just shows how Bill doesn’t even have enough power to sit down with Ford in his mindscape and talk to him, all he can do is beg incessantly through notes. It just seems to me that he doesn’t have nearly the direct power over Ford that’s described and especially when that’s paired with all kinds of stuff that paints Ford in a very unflattering light (like bringing back the anti Cipher society shit), it feels less like Ford is just genuinely going through it and more like Bill is trying to present stuff a certain way and being a salty ex.

Then, on the ‘Snowed In’ page, there’s a snowflake that has Bill in it, which is weird because even though Ford worshipped him like a cult leader and had that whole room full of iconography, the one thing he never did was sneak Bill into his drawings. It almost feels like a hidden signature tbh. I do also think it’s interesting that, after a whole book of Bill being salty about and obsessed with Ford, we get these pages where Ford is shown to be pathetically obsessed with Bill while also having this thing with Fiddleford that’s super romantically coded.

Lastly, as others have pointed out, the journals were completely restored after Bill's defeat so, given that Journal 3 ends after Weirdmageddon, we already have the full, complete journal without any missing pages. When I think about what's been added in this section, it's stuff that either wouldn't have been in this journal in the first place or wouldn't have been removed from the journal if it had been there at all. Also, the 'My Muse' page is written in such a way that it's very clearly the first mention of Bill at any point in any of the three journals - he says he "has a secret" and introduces this "Muse" for what is very obviously the first time ever. Objectively, there could not have been five whole pages about Bill Cipher that even call him by name before this page is written and it wouldn't make any sense for Ford to have written those pages, removed all of them, and then turned around and written the "My Muse" page a month or so after ripping out the "June 15th" stuff.

Anway, obviously we can’t be sure of the intent this book was written with and if it’s meant to be Bill making shit up or if people just accidentally made something that comes across that way, but I personally don’t see these pages as canonically being part of the actual journals. It would be super cool if they’d release the other two journals at some point to expand upon the worldbuilding and also give more insight into the rest of the six years Ford spent doing his research and everything that led up to him summoning Bill. Until then, I’m curious what the rest of y’all think about this.

[serickswrites]

Krampus

Warnings: captivity, restraints, torture, whipping, drowning, blood, wounds, drugging

Team Leader sagged heavily in the chains that kept them standing at attention at the whipping post. Their back was raw and painful, though they were sure the bleeding had stopped hours ago. They could barely keep their eyes open. But they had to. For the team's sake.

"I'll make you a deal," Whumper had said once they finished whipping Team Leader. "I will only hurt your team, but I won't kill them if you can keep awake."

Team Leader had barely been conscious at that point, but they couldn't let their team down. They clawed their way to consciousness and fought to keep their eyes open.

But it had been hard.

Watching Teammate One get waterboarded for an hour had been difficult. Hearing Teammate One's drowning sounds had shaken Team Leader to their core. But they knew that Teammate One would live. They could keep awake for Teammate One. Teammate One wouldn't drown.

Watching Teammate Two be whipped at another post had been painful. Each crack had Team Leader jumping. Each cry of pain had them cringing. Because they knew how painful it was. How much pain Teammate Two had to be in. But they stayed awake.

Whumper stopped whipping Teammate Two and left Teammate Two unconscious and in chains at the whipping post. "Why are you still awake?"

"I won't let you kill my people," Team Leader said through gritted teeth. "I can stay awake."

Whumper stood just in front of Smallest Teammate. "You can, can you?" They grabbed Smallest Teammate by the hair. Smallest Teammate cried out, unable to grab onto Whumper to stop being dragged. "You'll stay awake so I don't drown this one? They are so pretty. It would be lovely to watch the bubbles escape their lips. Lovely to watch them go still in the water."

"I won't let you kill them," Team Leader growled.

Whumper dragged Smallest Teammate to a large tub in the center of the room. They shoved Smallest Teammate in, clipping the cuffs to a ring at the bottom of the tub. Satisfied that Smallest Teammate wouldn't escape, Whumper walked over to the table of instruments at the side of the room. "We'll just see how long you can stay awake after this, Team Leader."

Team Leader strained to see what Whumper had grabbed and was walking towards them with. "I won't pass out. I won't fail my team."

Whumper turned on the hose attached to the tub as the walked by. Team Leader could hear Smallest Teammate struggle against their cuffs to get out of the rapidly filling tub.

"We'll just see about that," Whumper sneered at Team Leader. They plunged a needle into Team Leader's arm before Team Leader could reply.

The room spun as Team Leader had a rush of blood to the head. "What....what did you give me?" Everything was hazy and they couldn't blink through the haze.

Whumper smirked. "Just a little something they use to sedate people before surgery. It should be taking effect any moment now."

Team Leader's heart raced as they could feel unconsciousness begin to suck them under. They couldn't fall asleep. They couldn't let Smallest Teammate drown. "I...I...I..." but the words died on Team Leader's tongue as it became heavy in their mouth.

"Sleep tight, Team Leader. Don't worry, I'll be sure to record Smallest Teammate's bath for you. We can review all the beautiful, final moments together when you wake."

And though Team Leader raged against the dying of the light, they couldn't keep their eyes open. They prayed that Whumper wouldn't let Smallest Teammate drown. That they wouldn't wake to a world without Smallest Teammate. Team Leader's grip on consciousness faded to the sounds of Smallest Teammate struggling to keep their head above water.

[kyber-shack]

glass animals released an album on how our perspective of love is skewed and is a lot more work than it seems. theres songs about being in abusive relationships especially, and the song Show Pony is an overview of the whole album from an outsider's perspecive, perhaps in love with the victim of abuse.

first chorus is how they met, second chorus is getting suspicious of the mistreatment and overlooking it, and chorus three is remembering the abuse and pointing out that the hurt was there from the very beginning.

AND NOW if i may make a connection to the abusive relationship ford was deceived into bc of Bill's lies. first chorus, they met, they flirted and literally referred to each other as 'Partners', had good times clearly (gave him rats on his birthday, got him hammered and the rest you know.)

second chorus, the way he wouldnt show up for weeks at a time and especially didnt help during the Krampus incident because Bill was probably jealous of Fiddleford and could tell he was attracted to Ford.

third chorus, the heavy abuse of Bill taking Ford's body on a joy ride on the VHS tape. the tacky tattoo, eating things you shouldn't, obtaining a criminal record, the physical toll on ford's body through all that. the hurt from the very beginning? the warning sign when it was already too late? the right eye bleeding, taking a toll on Ford already.

[chawsthetransfemdino]

I just got back from a horror convention down in Maryland (Monster Mania) and the gender envy was going HARD. Idc that it's cosplay, I still want their gender god damnit. I did get to meet David Arquette tho and I fanboyd HARD about his pro-wrestling career.

I went with a friend and it's her Birthday tomorrow, so David gave her a free autograph (normally $60) and then she started fanning out so we both were fanning out HARD

Then she went to meet Tom Savini and he was lame ngl. He didn't really talk at all, even tho his line was empty, but she got a picture so she was happy

I carried her stuff around (she got more selfies than I did so I held the stuff), including her Beetlejuice purse, and bc ig I'm fem passing now and I was holding a purse, some random Krampus cosplayer referred to me as a girl and I tweaked SO HARD. Like, THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR. YOU'RE THE BEST. Sadly, I was on boy-mode bc I'm not out to my dad so I had to "correct" him.

I got a book called "Cthulu explains it all" and an autograph with David Arquette. There wasn't a lot of merch, which bumbed me out bc I've been looking for a Hellraiser puzzle box for a while now, and I still haven't found one

We stopped at a record store on the way back tho and I got Mettalicas black album for $20 which is EXTREMELY cheap so yippee

[moosha-mushroom]

He is the CEO of Kakos Industries. He urges you to Do Evil Better. He can’t participate in sleepwalking-based activities. He sits in the recording booth barefoot. He shot his soundman in the dick. His soundman shot him in the leg, aiming for his dick. His favorite celebration is Halloween. He dresses up as Krampus each Yule. He is sexually repressed. He avoids people if their name is Tabitha. He doesn’t understand babies. He doesn’t believe in an afterlife. He probably has a panic disorder. He has a tendency to overthink things. He likes a woman in charge. He wears tight clothing. He doesn’t like nail polish because it’s a sensory thing. He threatens you every single episode. He sometimes creeps on couples he finds cute. He has so many rivals. He thought he was moss once. Dark auras surrounded him for a while. He plays table top roleplaying games. He sometimes helps couples get back together. His favorite department is all about boring things. He has a submersible he just… takes out to a lake sometimes. He was in a war. He loves the Division of Kaiju Monster Battles. He has a tenuous yet sweet relationship with a highly intelligent monster who takes care of a bunch of genetically modified babies. He thinks highly of his grandfather. He hasn’t taken an heir. He is in a somewhat non-committal relationship with a cult leader(but don’t worry, they’re really cute together) He had a robot constantly trying to ‘protect’ him. He really wants a monster arm. His employees make fun of him. He was deemed unsexy for a time. He appreciates the ritual of dumping random shit outside Kakos Industries for someone who never picks them up. He tried solving a murder that didn’t happen. He was a queen for a bit, but that didn’t last. He gaslit someone during the apocalypse and sent them to their death. He really enjoys going on vacation. He lost his memory for a bit. He thinks his soundman is his most loyal ally. He is bisexual as shit. He is the most evil thing in the known universe.

[brokehorrorfan]

Monster House's original motion picture soundtrack is available on vinyl for the first time for $30 via Waxwork Records. The score is composed by Douglas Pipes (Trick ‘r Treat, Krampus).

The 2xLP album is pressed on "Dynamite Demolition" (orange & yellow swirl with splatter) colored vinyl. It's housed in a gatefold jacket with matte satin coating featuring artwork by Rich Kelly and a 12x12 art print.

[dani-fox]

Tiny H0ly-Tea ramble

This is a rant/ramble post about a user named H0ly-tea's stupid post so if you dont want to read it you can go ahead and ignore this. Its fine if you do want see it.

if you do, click the keep reading bit but CW: slight mentions of transphobia.

Im sure im not the only TF2 tumbler user whos seen the post about 'i hate when ppl make the mers trans because its the 60-70s'

It would take you two seconds plus google to see that Transgender/transsexuality has existed for fucking years.

Transgender people existed years and years before the period where tf2 exists. Years that show many people who were transgender way before the term was made. The best example i can give is a transgender woman by the name of Mary Jones who was a transgender (male to female) African American sex worker who lived in the 1870s and the first recorded transgender reassignment surgery was in 1906 on a man named Karl.M Baer who was intersex but was dubbed female at birth at the age of 21 he came out as a male and underwent surgery at the age of 23. The term transsexual was created in 1907.

I got all that and even more from the first source. The first source is a Wikipedia article a free online source anyone can see. Here is the link to the article if anyone would like to see it: Timeline of transgender history - Wikipedia

This is also Team Fortress 2 were talking about here. This whole game takes place in a world where Australians are buff super-intelligent beings. -New Zealand is an underwater society. -The first group of mercenaries for the Gravel Wars consisted of both real historical figures like Abraham Licon as Pyro and American folk tales like John Henry as the Heavy -A martial called Australiem exists that makes people super humans. -Yetis,spycrabs,Pyro sharks, the weird tube snakes, pootis birds, and more weird animals exist in tf2 -An older than time itself Wizard exists and has beef with an American who can survive blasting his feet with a rocket. -Krampus and Santa exist. -Medic basically invented Mpreg, surgically removed souls, and can fucking do all these crazy medical experiments!

-Heavy Weapons guy can fist-fight bears twice his size.

-Scout can double jump and survive drinking liquified radiation.

-Pyro exists and he is probably not a human being.

-Demoman's eye socket is haunted.

-Aliens exist.

-SAXTON HALE EXISTS

-AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON WILLIAM CHADSPEAR WHO INVENTED ROCKET JUMPING AND HOW SATION HALE BOUGHT THE ENTIERTY OF ENGLAND.

But apparently trans people is to unrealistic and 'Makes your unconvertible' according to the original user Like at this point just Amit you're transphobic and don't make shitty posts like this becuse your just going to get proven wrong with stupid saying like "trans people did not exist in the 60-70s"!

If you stayed this long for this ramble, thank you for reading over my big barf of words. I don't normally make these types of posts, i try to stay close to my art content. Also sorry for the shitty grammar or spelling. The American education system failed me lol

[transfem-octopus]

If I see one more person talk about the supposed Pagan origins of various Christmas Holidays I’m going to fucking lose it. It’s honestly depressing as someone who is fascinated by history and world religions to see just how pervasive this particular brand of pseudohistory is because its so freaking easy to debunk.

9 times out of 10 the Christmas Tradition in question isn’t even old enough to have Pagan Origins. Christmas Trees, Yule Logs, Wassailing, even freaking Krampus all seem to emerged in the 16th, 17th, and 18th centuries.

The Yule Goat is the only example of a Christmas tradition that I’ve been able to find with actual Pagan Origins, and Yule genuinely was syncretized with Christmas although not in the way most think. As Christmas was not so much laid over Yule as Yule was laid over Christmas to make Christianity more palatable by Scandinavian Kings who converted to form economic and political inroads with Christian monarchs and Kingdoms.

It’s so freaking easy to do this kind of research and people just don’t. Preferring to rely on suppositions based on pseudohistory that expects you to believe that Krampus is totally a Pagan God worshiped in the 6th century CE and the fact he doesn’t appear in written records before the 1500s just goes to show how super secret his cult was that it avoided documentation and denunciation for nigh on 1,000 years!

It just annoys me, because there are very real examples of Pagan religious practices being Christianized as a result of conversion or conquest but they get overshadowed by people moronically claiming 18th century Protestants decided to put Candles on Trees at Christmas because they were imitating Roman Pagans from the 2nd century BCE.

[the-zapped-part-timer]

Penn Zerothon Day 1

North Pole Down🎄

My Ramblings: Hey, this all looks familiar! Anyways, I like sword gag. Obviously guys it was in a couch, open your minds. It's also interesting to see Sashi not having wings like in the Pilot, I guess now we can infer what happened because we know she has them the next time they're in the Knight World.

I like to smash bits of the Pilot in this episode in my head, with the Boone being exception of course... and also the other stuff going in Zap One.

Ok, the zapping. They still do come out of a static background, but the Pilot's just looks so different.

Get the banging intro we all love and the iconic title cards!

Zooming on the family picture doesn't hurt at all. Nope, not all. It's interesting to show no snow on Christmas Eve, but that can happen in a lot of places, I really like that decision. Sashi beating the fake reindeer making look like snow? Gold.

But I've got to say, starting with a holiday episode is... unusual. I personally wouldn't have, but I'm not saying it had to be Zap One. It's just that not everyone likes holiday or Christmas episodes. I'm also upset we never got a Halloween episode.

I wonder why we didn't see the MUHU used in the Pilot, perhaps it wasn't a thing? I doubt it. I enjoy Brock and Vonnie every time they're on screen, funny and such great parents, even from afar! Like that they left a record video. Poor Penn, just wants see his parents so bad on Christmas, they're first Christmas apart. Also for a quick second we see that the MUHU charging deck thingy is broken. I wonder why? Genuinely, why? Was it The Chinchilla?

Our first introduction to Aunt Rise and Uncle Chuck (and of course The Chinchilla). I don't mind them, not my favorites. But don't mind. They're quirky.

I love the Trio so much! Boone and Sashi trying to cheer up Penn is so sweet.

First time we see Old Man Middleburg.

Not even having to exchange words to show how much Rippen hates Penn and Larry's over the topness.

Phyllis is queen. She's slaying in that candy cane costume. And she's already being supportive with Penn. You need a prom date? Phyllis has got you. MUHU broken beyond repair? She tried.

I would have a mental breakdown if I tried avoiding Christmas like the plague only to be zapped into Santa of all people! Like what are the odds? It's like the universe knows or something.

I just realized we never got a "check the specs" in the Pilot! Dang. Also, you can hear bells when her specs are displaying the mission.

Penn helping Boone calm down is sweet. Also, the "Okay, I'm gonna pet you now, but not in a weird way." Line will never not be funny, so many quotable lines in this show. I'm like a parrot.

Also, was the head in a box a reference to the movie Seven? If so, it's a very interesting pick for a reference for a kids' show.

Did they get Adam Levine for his screaming? I think that's a possibility.

Mr. Snowman...

I do like the rogue gingerbread men, but I wonder if Rippen being Krampus was at least considered. It always bugged me when I first watched this. Goat Rippen would have been too much for anyone to handle, I suppose.

The candy and Christmas weaponry is fun and creative. Larry cannibalizing himself is very Larry. I, too, would have a nibble on at least one of my fingers.

I like that Mr. Snowman just assumed the MUHU was broken. He doesn't know a damn thing about it and yet already being manipulative. I like that Penn is allowed to be a bit selfish. It makes sense, most of the time, it's because of his parents. He desperately wants them back or at least able to see and talk to them. Love me some good character flaws!

Surprise! The snowman with an ominous voice was bad! Although, it is surprising that Rippen decided to team up with anyone. I guess he probably sees Mr. Snowman as easy to take out, it's not that hard as we see later on. (Snow) Man literally took his whole heart out and almost died for a bit.

The face Penn makes when he says the whole ruining Christmas for eternity is gonna bother him for awhile is great. So many great faces on this show.

The first song of the show! Also forgot the Pilot didn't have a song... good. I don't wanna hear that Boone sing. He's not an angel like ours. I used don't not like his singing, but it grew on me. Pretty good song. Everyone is good at singing. I like that the breakout fails, like you really thought a candy cane would work as a key? Jokes land so much better than the Pilot (sorry I keep bringing that up).

So there's just one gingerbread woman? Like a smurfette? Also, Rippen, my goodness! One (gingerbread) woman and already be acting up. It's just a tiny bit but still funny, I like the idea that he can't keep it in his pants sometimes. He's gotta come off as suave to anyone watching.

Also weird that gingerbread people just eat steak and mashed potatoes... not very Christmas-like, guys, and woman.

"You've looked cooler." Sashi delivers that in such a way that it can be such a low blow to whoever she's saying it to (Penn).

Would've loved to see a drama class. That would've been a Boone episode, a Boone-isode!

Creative way to escape, using Santa lore. I wonder what it felt like to be tube-shaped for a few seconds. I'm sure that would feel good on my back until I cry from pain.

First instance of Arnold Schwarzenegger voice Boone.

"Man, that guy can talk." Sashi, that man is your principal. Your lucky he ain't evil.

Yep, he's a snowman... what was he gonna do? Snowball them? Man them- nevermind.

AAHHH! Rippen jumpscare! Oh no- is his bowtie made of anything? Like licorice or something? Or is it just a bowtie?

I'll never find it funny that in some Santa media set in modern times, they're still making older toys like made out of wood and stuff. Anyways, love the fight between Penn and Rippen using the toys as weapons. Very fun and creative.

I love it when Rippen tries to use Penn's interest against him, the MUHU in this case. But no, Penn is better than that.

Did Rippen feel anything when he broke or does it not hurt? Either way, falling down at that velocity must have been terrifying. First instance of Larry eating Rippen... yep, not the first!

Also, the first use of the Wilhelm Scream! They love that scream.

He made a hard choice, but thankfully, it paid off in two ways. Completing the mission and getting your MUHU fixed by Santa because of it. What was that one quote? "A true act of goodwill always sparks another." (Whoever gets that, have a cookie)

Also like that it implies Santa doesn't like gingerbread, perhaps because gingerbread people work for him?

An all around good Christmas episode, usually my least favorite kind.

~The Characters~

Penn Zero: This Penn and Pilot Penn while similar, feel very different in delivery.

Like I said already, I like Penn feeding into his self-interest. We always understand why he does and acts like he does, he's a good person with flaws. Flaws that are so human.

Boone Wiseman: Oh Boone, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I can't believe we almost didn't have this you! So much more funnier and nicer. Our lovable buffoon. Even going out to make skateboard sleds for his friends! And a failed roller-skate skis that he actually never made, but it's the thought that counts.

He's funny but still takes some seriousness with his job. Especially at the end.

Sashi Kobayashi: Violent as ever! But cares deeply about Penn's troubles. I also enjoyed when she just conked Larry and that elf in the head.

Rippen: Not a whole lot to say for him in this episode. He was funny and growly as usual. It's still interesting that he teamed up with someone as we'll see in Number One Number Two. Yes, I know, I'm Still Super. But that's different as we'll also see

Larry: He really doesn't have much to do besides eating himself. Which, good for him, he makes a good point, they'll never be that delicious again.

Dimension(s): I like the look of the mountaintop north pole base, which is a very cool take on Santa's workshop. It's more like a military base than anything.

Forms: Reindeer Boone is the best, sorry. He's adorable, I like his physicality. Everyone else did good, but they'll never be Reindeer Boone.