#kpopscapes

[kpop---scenarios]

Linked (1)

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Y/N

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Eventual Smut, Mean people, Language.

A/N: I'm back baby! I hope you all enjoy the first chapter!!

"Miss Y/N?" A woman says, breaking you out of your concentration of looking at tikok’s. 

Startled, you look up and standing before you is a very pretty, well dressed woman holding files between her petite fingers. "Are you ready for your interview?" She asks. 

Taking a small breath, as you nod your head and smile at the woman. "I'm Ava, and I'll be conducting your interview on Mr. Byun's behalf." She says, walking through the office hallways. It's so plain, the white walls just dying for at least a pop of color, or even a picture of some sort. Ava leads you into a plain white room, nothing in it but the necessary items. Did you really want to work somewhere so boring? You were lost in your thoughts again after answering only a few routine questions. 

"I think you'd be a perfect fit for this job." Ava smiles. You'd only been talking for 15 minutes before she decided. 

"Thank you." You smile. 

"I'd like to offer you the position as the Senior Data Analyst. You'd be working directly under Mr. Byun." She tells you. 

"Sure. Yes, thank you so much." You say. One thing checked off your list. Find a job, find an apartment, and get settled in this new town. Luckily you had an apartment view right after this interview, and considering you were hired on the spot you had an extremely good feeling. 

The apartment sucked, but you took it anyway. You would try your best to make the small studio apartment feel like home, but you weren't quite sure how. You weren't the most stylish, if you really had to describe yourself, you were quite bland. You knew the clothes you wore were a size or two too big, but you had no urge to change yourself. For what, or for who? You had no one in your life to care about, you didn't even care about yourself.

You laid in your bed that night, staring at the popcorn ceiling, as you remembered why you moved here in the first place, and your heart broke all over again. 

**

Slowly and quietly you pressed your ear to the bedroom door at this party. 

"Stop telling Y/N she has a chance with me. Please, it makes me sick to even think about it." You hear Hongjoong laugh loudly. "I can't even listen to her talk for more than 30 seconds at a time. I don't know how you do it. Her voice is so fucking annoying." 

"Right? I swear to go sometimes I feel like my ears are bleeding. And you should see her when she cries. So fucking ugly." You hear Maya giggle. 

"And is it just me or is she fucking dumb? How could she love me for all these years and not realize how repulsed I am by her?" He asks. 

Ouch. 

“I know math isn’t her best subject but Christ, can't she add up all the things you don’t do around her and see you’re not into her, and never will be? I mean, you try to leave the room whenever she enters." Maya laughs. "So there's no chance of you leaving me for her?" 

"You think I'm gonna leave a goddess like you, for that thing? Come on, baby, you should know me better than that. Plus, she doesn't have a set of tits like these." He laughs. 

As quickly as the hurtful words began, they stopped. You weighed your options of what to do but your body still felt too numb to move. 

You stood there, your ear pressed against the door feeling your stomach sink. You wanted to run away but it was like your feet were glued to the floor. 

The floor that made your knees feel weak as you turned the door knob and pushed the door open to see Maya, on top of Hongjoong. 

The music that was once pounding in your ears was now quiet. It was so muffled as you began to only hear your own shallow and fast breaths. You could hear and feel your heart pumping at a pace you were sure was off the charts, while also slowly ripping into tiny pieces. 

You felt like you couldn't breathe as his hands gripped her body. They hadn't heard the door opening. 

The walls were suddenly caving in as he slowly slid his fingers up and down her curves moving over her ass to squeeze it. 

Tears fell from your eyes as you watched him touching her in ways that you had once dreamt about. 

Your face begins to burn in complete embarrassment. The fucking betrayal you felt from someone who said they loved you. Maya was supposed to be your best friend. She was the one who was by your side when you cried, wondering why he didn't love you back. She held you as you sobbed into her lap, she wiped your tears away and always had comforting words for you. She would laugh at his Instagram page with you and acted as if she didn't even like him.

But here she was ripping you apart with him for their own enjoyment.  

**

Tears streamed from your face as you rolled over in your bed. You hated remembering that day. The day you lost your best friend. It hurt so bad and you know you needed to move on but that's always easier said than done.

The next morning you woke up, exhausted and not ready for the day but you had your first day of work. You'd tried to look up Mr. Byun last night, but there were no pictures of him anywhere. You thought that was a little odd, but didn't chalk it up too much. You got ready for the day in record time, putting on your too big skirt, with your too big shirt and oversized blazer. You put your hair up the best you could and avoided all makeup. 

Slowly, you walk into the building, making your way to the 35th floor, where your office was supposed to be. The entire floor was empty when you arrived. Just the way you liked it. You popped in your airpods, started your music and got to work organizing the 5 items on your desk. It took you roughly 3 minutes. You glanced at the clock, 6:55am. You still had 35 minutes until you were technically supposed to start, but it never hurt to get a head start. You worked for a little bit, listening to your favorite songs before you barely noticed a few people entering their cubicles. You mostly ignored them, offering a small nod of acknowledgement before getting back to work. You hadn't noticed anyone walking into the all glass office in front of you, until you felt your heart tug. A feeling you had never once felt before. You looked up and saw the most handsome, stone-cold looking man you'd ever seen. You couldn't take your eyes off of him, it was like you were drawn to him. 

"Handsome, huh?" You hear, breaking you out of your trance. 

"Who? What?" You say, looking up. Standing in front of you is a thin, blonde bombshell with a smile that could make you forget any worry in your life. “Hi. I’m Y/N.” You cough. She was so beautiful, it made you extremely nervous. 

"Hi, I'm Lisa, I work in that cubicle to your left." She says with a smile. “I just wanted to bring these over for approval from you, and introduce myself.” She explains, showing a small pile of papers in her hand. You were listening to her, but you had a hard time keeping yourself engaged in the conversation. Your eyes continued to dart towards the man who took your breath away and Lisa definitely noticed. She let out a small giggle to regain your attention. You swiftly looked back at her, giving her an apologetic smile. 

 "That's Mr. Byun.” She tells you. “Do your work, don’t get in his way and don’t question him and you’ll be just fine.” she tells you. 

“He looks mad.” You say, taking a quick glance at him before looking back to Lisa. 

“That’s just his face I think. He always looks like he’s got a painful stick up his ass." She whispers. 

"Why did you start whispering?" You asked. 

She sets the pile of papers on your desk, looking back towards Mr. Byun's office and looking back at you. "He hears everything." She whispers again, walking out of your office with a smile.  

Your eyes turned over to Mr. Byun, you were having a hard time turning your gaze somewhere else. There was just something about him that was driving you crazy. You watched as he shouted at someone on the phone, the veins in his neck and hands popping out intensely. His dark brown hair flowed perfectly on his head. His suit fit him perfectly, you could see the muscles all over his body. 

Suddenly he slammed the phone down onto the receiver, you were surprised it didn’t break with the amount of force he used. He rubs his eyes before running his fingers through his hair. He looks up, his eyes meeting yours without hesitation. Your heart pulls toward him. You wanted to get out of your seat and slip your tongue into his mouth. You wanted to be near him, holding him and you didn't know why. His eyes are still on yours as he walks out of his office, heading straight for you. Your heart begins to pound as he gets closer to you. 

"Who are you?" He asks, abruptly. You're looking directly in his eyes, you can’t help but almost get lost in them. They’re so dark, like they're filled with pure hatred. 

"Uh, I'm L/N Y/N. I'm your new Senior Data Analyst. " You respond. "Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Byun." 

"We’ll see about that. Get to work Miss. L/N." He says, walking out of your office and back to his. Your eyes meet again as he brings down his shade, his eyes still glued to yours. 

The rest of the day, you couldn't get him off your mind. You had a hell of a time trying to focus on any of your work. You just wanted to see him again. Anytime you let your mind wonder, it went to him immediately. You felt like you loved him but you didn't even know him.

After you had finally finished all your work, it was dark outside. You let out a big, loud yawn as you stretched your body from your desk. You gathered all your belongings and turned the lights out to your office. As you walked by Mr. Byun’s office, you noticed the lights were still on. You peaked in through a small patch of glass that was uncovered from the shade and saw him sitting at his desk with another extremely handsome man, sitting across from him. You knew you shouldn’t have been peaking in, but your curiosity got the better of you. Within seconds, Mr. Byun’s head whipped around, his eye’s shooting daggers towards you. 

You let out a small screech before you quickly take off to the elevator, hoping that either it comes fast or he doesn't come out of his office after you. You get onto the elevator and press the close door button as quickly as you can.

You made it home that night without incident and without Mr. Byun yelling at you for being nosey. You just needed to mind your business and not do that again. 

You dreamt of him that night. His hands gliding over your body, his tongue licking you everywhere, how he tasted, how it felt to have him on top of you. You woke up in a puddle of sweat the next morning. You had so wished it was real. 

The rest of the week went by, and he paid you no attention at all. He didn't even bring up your little snooping issue. Whenever he had a request from you, he sent Ava to ask you. Obviously he couldn’t be bothered to do it himself. You hated that. You wanted to see him again. 

He kept the shades of his glass office down, further avoiding any contact with you. It wasn’t until the next week that you’d finally be able to see him again. Lisa had ever-so apologetically placed a stack of papers on your desk, minutes before 5pm. You weren't one to just leave the papers for the morning, and honestly, you had no one waiting for you at home so why wouldn't you stay late and do them. Around 8pm, you’d finally finished and you were carefully planning Lisa’s murder for the next day. You were exhausted. You grabbed your coat off the back of your chair and rubbed your eyes while you walked towards the elevator. You were so tired you didn’t even look in Mr. Byun’s office as you passed it. You had expected him to have left hours ago anyways. You pressed the down button on the wall and waited silently. It wasn't until a few seconds later you felt someone standing behind you. The doors to the elevator ding, sliding open. You turn around and see him standing there, an unimpressed expression plastered on his face. 

He looks at you and at the open elevator doors, motioning for you to get in. your brain finally clicks and you get on as he follows behind you. You press the button for the first floor and prepare for an uncomfortable and silent ride down 34 floors. Mr.Byun takes a deep breath as he stands next to you, your arms just almost touching. “Why are you here?” he murmurs under his breath. You barely didn’t quite catch what he had said. 

“What was that?” You ask, turning your head to look at him. 

He sighs. Turning towards you, taking a few steps until you're backed into the wall. He places his hand next to your head, leaning himself in closer to you. 

“I said.. Why are you here?” he whispers, his lips so close to yours. “Do you have any fucking idea what youre doing to me?” he asks, breathing heavily. His head moves closer to you, his lips narrowly escaping yours as he places his head onto your neck, inhaling deeply. It was like he couldn't get enough of your smell. Before you could say anything the elevator dings, and he moves away from you as fast as he can, walking out into the lobby, leaving you there wondering what the fuck just happened.

**

Over the next several weeks after that incident, he kept trying his best to ignore you. Everyday. Occasionally you’d catch a glance of him, and the eye contact was so intense you could feel heat running through your entire body. Everyday that you didn’t see him, your heart hurt more and more. You couldn’t explain why but it felt like it was breaking you. You knew it was ridiculous, he was your boss, how could you love him? 

You didn't have an answer to why you did, but you did and you really didn't want to.

After working at your office for a few months, you decided you needed a change. You were tired of looking frumpy and exhausted while everyone around you looked bright and amazing. You needed to reinvent yourself, and spice up your life and you needed to do it now or you wouldn’t do it at all. That weekend you took the plunge. 

You went to the salon first. you got your hair done something that was better suited for you, a new style and new color. You went to the mall, and completely changed your wardrobe from the baggy clothes you were wearing to things you normally would never wear. You bought outfits that actually fit you, and showed off your body instead of hiding it. You bought proper bras and sexy panties. You felt good and different, but a good different. You couldn't wait to showcase the new you. You had never felt so confident in yourself before, and you loved it. 

Monday morning, you strutted into the office, your dress hugging your curves, your hair bouncing as you walked. You could feel all eyes on you as you walked to your office. You had never felt everyone watching you in a good way before and it felt amazing. You placed your jacket on the hook and sat in your chair to get to work. Lisa walked into your office with her mouth hanging wide open. 

“Girl.” She squeals. “You look phenomenal!” She eye’d you up and down, admiring your outfit.

You could feel your cheeks get hot from the compliment. “Thank you.” you laughed. “It feels weird, but good.” you tell her. 

“It should feel all good, girl. You look great.” she smiles. “Also Ava is out today, so i've been instructed to tell you that Mr. Byun needs to see you in his office.” She says, side eyeing his office.  

You try your best to swallow the lump in your throat as you nod your head. You hadn't seen him when you walked in, and you anxiously wondered what he would possibly think of your new look. You stood up, smoothed out your dress before heading towards his office. You stood in front of the door, breathing heavily as you knocked lightly on his door. 

“Come in.” you hear from a gruff voice. 

You turn the handle to his door and walk in and it’s like you can’t breathe. He sits there, his hands in his lap, leaning back in his chair. Fuck he looks so good. 

“You wanted to see me?” you ask. 

“You changed yourself.” he points out. His eyes trail your body up and down as he admires you. 

“Just a few things. What did you need to see me for, Mr. Byun?” you ask. You wanted to get out of there as fast as you could. Your heart was racing, you could feel the sweat covering the palms of your hands. 

“Call me Baekhyun.” he says, getting out of his chair. He walks towards you, almost in slow-motion, like he was gliding towards you. You step back as he gets closer to you. His head reaches out, caressing your face. 

“It’s getting too hard to fight, Y/N.” he whispers, looking deep into your eyes. “I don’t want to want you.” 

“I don’t want to want you either.” You admit. 

“You feel it too? The pull, the urge, the desperation?” he asks. You can’t speak, you can only nod your head. “Then it’s true.. You are my mate.”  

“I'm your what..” you ask. Before he can answer, his door swings open. Baekhyun backs away from you and in walks a brunette bombshell. She was absolutely stunning and you’d never seen her before. 

“Jennie.” Baekhyun says, clearing his throat. “What are you doing here?” he asks. 

“Poor girl looks frightened, Baeky.” she smiles. “I hope you're not scaring your staff too much.” she giggles. 

“Who are y..” you begin before she cuts you off. 

“Oh!” she laughs. “I’m Jennie Kim.” she announces, moving closer to Baekhyun,  wrapping her arm around him. 

“I’m his fiancee.” 

[thick-tatted-therapist]

CUTEEEE 😭

felix navidad | lee felix

❧ pairing: prince!felix x gn.baker!reader

❧ genre: fluff, mild angst; royal!au, baking contest!au, s2l

❧ wc: 5k

❧ warnings: language, typical royal problems (servants, children working, etc), it’s implied that reader’s parents aren’t in the picture (PG)

❧ summary: when the crown prince asks you, a lowly baker, to help him win the annual baking competition, you can’t resist the sweet deal he proposes. during the course of 14 days, lee felix learns that there are as many ways to mix batter as there are ways to fall in love with you.

❧ a/n: hello guys <3 please welcome this surprise not really fic I wrote for brennan. it was a lot of fun getting to know her and I highly recommend you check out her blog!! this fic is a part of @freckledwinterfalls ’s secret Santa event . tysm xie for hosting such a fun event !!

❧ to @seoulbinz: hiii brennan <3 I’m your secret Santa!! i really enjoyed talking to you and getting to know you, even if I didn’t know you (other than seeing you occasionally interact with a few people I know) prior to the event!! you’re really sweet and I feel really lucky that I got to be your secret Santa. anyways, I hope you enjoy this little piece. here’s a funny story, I actually deleted (accidentally) half the draft yesterday so I had a late night typfest lmfao. after that, when I went to post, the tags on tumblr were officially #brocken so I hope you don’t mind that I waited till the morning to post this. this also turned out a lot longer than I expected so I’m really sorry for that (I ballparked it around 2k lol). anyways, I’m sending you all my hugs <3 I hope you enjoy this and stay safe <3

masterlist

Hidden behind the lacy curtains, the young prince watched with glee as the baker roughly kneaded the dough, their fingers pressing into the soft mass. His brown eyes were wide open as he peered at the mysterious individual, brows furrowed at the fact that someone so young was working so early in the morning.

He supposed that it wasn’t such a surprise that all the personnel were up early, preparing for the winter festival today, however, to see a child his age work so hard before sunrise definitely made him feel strange. Especially when he saw how hard you were working—loose strands of hair covering your eyes and sticking to your sweat-slicked forehead.

A sudden shout made him jump, almost revealing his whereabouts. He scurried to hide behind the counter as an old lady came into the kitchen, a scowl on her lips.

“Hurry up, Y/N! We don’t have all day!”

The fear in your eyes was enough for the young prince to want to come forward and scold her for yelling at you like that, but he held himself back.

“I’m really s-sorry. W-We were out of milk so I had to run down to the pantry to—”

“Enough!” her sharp voice cut through the air, making you swallow the words on your tongue with a bitter sob. “I don’t want to hear any of your excuses, understand? Now get to work you lazy child!”

With a horror-stricken face, Felix watched as you choked down a sob and wiped your tears off with your apron before returning to work.

That was the first time he saw you, the person who would in the future become your palace’s best baker and his first love.

Keep reading

[soonhoonsol]

Hello! 😇

Welcome kpop gif/gfx makers to your one-stop navigation for network tags to help your content be more visible to your fandom(s)!

A kpopblr network is a blog dedicated to kpop content made by creators for a specific fandom on Tumblr. There are 4 genres - boy groups, girl groups, multifandom, and idol-specific.

Each network has a specific hashtag (#) that they consistently check to reblog your content so that it reaches a wider audience. This is especially crucial for Tumblr where your dashboards run on reblogs.

Without further ado, let's get on to the networks!

Disclaimer: This list aims to be as comprehensive as possible. If there are any missing names, or names that should be taken out, drop me a DM or ask and I'll update the list! 😇

Note 1: All networks are run voluntarily by fellow users, so please understand that some networks may be inactive.

Note 2: Some networks are only available to members only, which will be accompanied by (MO).

These are kpopblr networks specific to boy groups and/or male idols only.

boy-idol - #boyidoledit

dailyboygroups - #dailybg

foryouridol - #fyiedit

kpopco - #kpopco

malegroups -  #mgroupsedit

malegroupsnet - #malegroupsnet

peaktimenet - #peaktimenet (for idol groups that participated on the survival show Peak Time)

These are kpopblr networks specific to girl groups and/or female idols only.

beautyidol - #beautyidolsedit

dazzlingidols - #dazzlingidolsedit

femadols - #femadolsedit

femaleidol - #femaleidol

femaleidols -  #femaleidolsedit (they’re not a network, but they do reblog creations under this tag!)

girlgroupnetwork - #ggnet

idolady - #idolady

kggnet - #kggnet

kgirlsquad - #kgirlsquad (MO)

kgoddesses - #kgoddesses

kpopggs - #kpopggedit

stanthemyoucowards -  #underratedgirlsedit

These are kpopblr networks that are open to both male and female idol groups. They may also include soloists.

conceptphotos - #kpopconcepts

dailymusicians - #dailymusicians (also for Western artists)

hybenet - #hybenet (requires membership; for Hybe artists only)

idolnexus - #idolnexusedit, #idolnexusnet (MO)

idolwork - #kidoledit, #idolwork

jypartists - #jypartists (for JYP artists only)

jypenet - #jypenet (for JYP artists only)

k-bands net - #kbandsnet

kflops - #kflops (for artists not in the Big 4 or in major groups)

k-garden net - #kdgnet (select artists only)

kgfxnet - #kgfxnet

kmultiverse - #kmultiverse

kpclub - #kpc.creators

kpopcreators - #kpopedit

kpopgfxnetwork -  #kpopgfxnetwork (MO)

kpopscape - #kpopscape (MO)

kpopcontentcreatorsclub - #kpopccc

kpopstages - #kpopstages (for stage performances)

k-soloists - #ksoloists

k-vanity - #kvanity (MO)

neweraidols - #neweraidols (for groups debuted in 2019 or later)

nugudols - #nugudolsedit

nugudom - #nugudom, #nugudomedit

nugunetwork - #nugunetwork

rookienet - #rookienet (for rookie idols and/or groups that have not hit their 3rd anniversary)

secondgenidols - #secondgenidol (for groups debuted in 2012 or earlier)

smsource - #smsource (for SM artists only)

ultkpopnetwork - #ultkpopnetwork (open), #ultkpop (MO)

unbleachedidolsnet - #unbleachedidolsnet 

underrated-idols - #underratedidolsedit

underratedkpopgfxnet - #ukpopgfx

Finally, these are kpopblr networks that are specific to an idol or group.

Be sure to follow the networks so you can see their reblogs!

Numbers / A to G

2NE1 - #blackjacknet

3YE - #daily3ye

8TURN - #8turnet (no known admin)

AB6IX - #ab6ixedit (no known admin)

A.C.E. - #choicenetwork, #acenet, #standbyace 

aespa - #aespainc, #aespadaily, #4aespa

AKMU - #coedkpopedit

AMPERS&ONE - #ampers&onetwork, #&onetwork

AOA - #dailyaoa

APINK - #dailyapink

APRIL - #apriledit

ARTMS - #artmsource

ASC2NT - #forasc2nt

ASTRO - #foraroha, #arohanet, #astroclub

ATEEZ - #ateezedit, #atzsource, #atinysource, #ateezlovenet, #destinyversenet (MO), #ateezinc (MO), #seonghwanet (for Seonghwa only), #yeonet (for Yeosang only)

BILLLIE - #billlienet

BLACKPINK - #blackpinknet (MO), #parkchaeyoungnet (MO; for Rosé only), #forjennienet (for Jennie only)

BOYNEXTDOOR - #forbnd

BRAVE GIRLS / BBGIRLS - #dailybravegirls / #bbgirlsource

BTS - [check the end of the post]

CHERRY BULLET - #lulletnet

CIX - #cixnetwork

CLC - #dailyclc

CRAXY - #craxyfannet

CRAVITY - #forluvity

DAY6 - #daysixnet, #mydaysnet

DKB - #dkbnet

DREAMCATCHER - #hfdcedit, #dreamcatcherdaily

DRIPPIN - #drippinet, #woollimnet

E'LAST - #elringnet

EL7ZUP - #el7zupsource

ENHYPEN - #enhypenet, #enhypennetwork (MO)

EPEX - #epexnet

EVERGLOW - #everglownetwork

EXO - #exosnet (MO), #bbh-net (for Baekhyun only), #kimkainet (for Kai only)

FROMIS_9 - #fromisnet

(G)I-DLE - #gidleedit, #gidlenet (closed)

GFRIEND - #dailygfriend

GHOST9 - #ghost9net

GOLDEN CHILD - #gncdnetwork (MO), #woollimnet

GOT7 - #got7editorsnet (MO), #thegot7network (MO), #got7edit, #got7daily

GWSN - #dailygwsn

GUGUDAN - #gugudannet

H to N

H1-KEY - #forh1key

HELLO VENUS - #hellovenusnet (MO)

iKON - #ikonsnet

ILLIT - #illitnet

ILY:1 - #ily1edit

INFINITE - #woollimnet

ITZY - #itzynetwork (MO), #formidzy, #theitzydaily

IVE - #ivenet

IZ*ONE - #izonetwork

KARD - #hiddenkardnet, #coedkpopedit, #karddealer, #kardnet (MO)

KEP1ER - #kep1ernetwork, #kep1erwork

KISS OF LIFE - #kiofsource, #kiofnet

LE SSERAFIM - #lesserafimnet

LIGHTSUM - #lightsumnet (MO)

LOONA - #loonawork, #orbitloona, #vitaminyeojin (for Yeojin only)

LOVELYZ - #lovelyzdaily, #woollimnet

MAMAMOO - #moomoosource, #mamamooedit, #moomoocentral

MCND - #mcndnetwork

MOMOLAND - #merriesnet

MONSTA X - #mx7net, #monstaxedits, #mxmbnet, #monsta17, #2wonnet (MO - for Hyungwon and Wonho only)

NCT - #neohours, #nctinc (MO), #nctcreations (MO), #haechannet (for Haechan only), #mklnet (for Mark only), #doyoungnet + #doiezennet (for Doyoung only), #yangx2net (for Yangyang only)

NEWJEANS - #newjeansnetwork

N.FLYING - #nflyingnet, #nflyinc

NMIXX - #nmixxnet, #nmixxedit

NU’EST - #loveznet

O to S

OH MY GIRL - #omgsource

OMEGA X - #omegaxnet

ONEUS - #oneusnetwork (MO), #weusnet, #foroneus 

ONEWE - #weusnet, #foronewe

ONF - #lightsonnet, #onfcreators

ONLYONEOF - #lyonet

P1HARMONY - #p1hnetwork

PENTAGON - #uninet

PIXY - #pixynet

PURPLE KISS - #purkissnet, #purkisource

RED VELVET - #rvinc, #rvedit, #dailyrv, #rvnet, #redvelvetinc

RIIZE - #riizenet

ROCKET PUNCH - #rcpcnet, #woollimnet

SATURDAY - #saturdaynet

SEVENTEEN - [check the end of the post]

SF9 - #sfnet (MO), #byfantasy

SHINEE - #dailyshinee, #shineeedit, #shawolsource, #shineegif, #shineenet

SNSD (Girl’s Generation) - #dailysnsd, #onlysoshi

STAYC - #dailystayc, #staycnetwork, #seeunsource (for Seeun only)

STRAY KIDS - [check the end of the post]

SUPER M - #supermsource (MO), #superm-net (MO)

T to Z

THE BOYZ - #tbznetwork (MO), #deobisource, #tbzinc, #destinyversenet (MO)

THE KINGDOM - #kingdomnet

THE ROSE - #therosenet

TNX - #tnxsource

TO1 - #to1gifs, #togethernet

TREASURE - #teumesource, #treasurenet (MO)

TRENDZ - #fy!trendz

tripleS - #triplesnet

TWICE - #fortwice, #dailytwice, #twicework (MO), #twicenetwork, #twicecreations

TXT - #txtnetwork (MO), #moasource, #moacentral, #tubatunet, #hourlyhueningkai / #hourlyhyuka (for Huening Kai only), #choiyeonjunnet (for Yeonjun only), #dailytaehyun / #dailytyun (for Taehyun only), #dearhyukas (for Huening Kai only)

VANNER - #vannersource

VAV - #vavnet

VERIVERY - #veriverynet

VICTON - #withvicton

VIXX - #vixxnetwork, #vixxedit

WAYV - #wayvnet, #xiaojunsource (for Xiaojun only)

WEEEKLY - #weeeklynet, #fyeahweeekly

WEi - #ruicentral

WITCHERS - #witchersnet

WOO!AH! - #wooahsource

WSJN - #dailywjsn

XG - #xgnetwork

XIKERS - #xikersource

XDINARY HEROES - #xdinarynet 

ZEROBASEONE - #zb1net, #zb1work

Here’s some solo idol-specific networks as well :)

CHUNGHA - #chunghanet

ERIC NAM - #ericnamnet, #ericnamdaebak 

HOLLAND - #hollandharlings

HYUNA - #dailyhyuna, #hyunanet

KWON EUNBI - #woollimnet

SUNMI - #sunminet

WONHO - #wonhonet, #2wonnet (MO)

WOODZ - #bymoodz (no known admin)

And now… the groups with way too many networks to track 🥲

BTS:

#btsedit

#armygfx

#armysource

#bangtanarmynet (MO)

#btsgif

#btsgoldnet (MO)

#clubzerooclock (MO, for Jin, Jimin, V and Jungkook only)

#dailybangtan

#dailybts (not a network, but will reblog some content under the tag)

#dailybusans (for Jimin and Jungkook only)

#dailydaegu (for Suga and V only)

#hopenet (MO, for jhope only)

#houseofddaeng (MO, for Suga, jhope and RM line only)

#hyunglinenetwork (MO, for Jin, Suga, jhope and RM only)

#ipurpleunet (MO)

#jksource / #jungkookedit (for Jungkook only)

#maknaelinegifs (for Jimin, V and Jungkook only)

#namjoongifs (for RM only)

#networkbangtan (MO)

#purplearmynet

#vantaenet (MO, for V only)

SEVENTEEN:

#17net / #usersvt (same blog)

#monsta17

#studiocarat

#svtcreations (MO)

#svtcreators

#svtedits

#svtgifs (MO)

#svtsource

#thesvttown (MO)

#seventeenweeklyphotography (MO)

——————–

S.COUPS - #hourlycoups / #hourlyscoups

JEONGHAN - #hourlyhannie / #hourlyjeonghan

JOSHUA - #hourlyshua, #shuadata

JUN - #dailywjh / #dailyjunhui / #hourlyjunhui, #forjunhui

HOSHI - #hourlyhoshi

WONWOO - #hourlywonwoo, #fywonwoo

WOOZI - #dailywoozi, #wzcreations

THE8 - #hourlyminghao

MINGYU - #hourlymingyu

DK - #hourlydk

SEUNGKWAN - #dailykwan, #gsseungkwan 

VERNON - #hourlyvernon

DINO - #hourlydino, #dinonetwork

STRAY KIDS:

#3rachasource (for Changbin, Bangchan, Han only)

#bystay

#createskz (MO)

#daily3racha (for Changbin, Bangchan, Han only)

#dancerachasource (for Felix, Hyunjin, Lee Know only)

#destinyversenet (MO)

#hyunincorner (for Hyunjin and I.N only)

#hyunlixsource (for Hyunjin and Felix only)

#staycompany

#staydaily

#staysource

#skzco

#vocalrachasource (for Seungmin and I.N only)

——————–

LEE KNOW - #leeknownet / #linosource

CHANGBIN - #seochangbinet

HAN - #hjsnet / #forhanji

HYUNJIN - #hyunjinnet, #hyunjinsource

FELIX - #felixleenet

I.N - #inniesource

And we've reached the end! 😮‍💨

If I have missed out on any networks, do send me an ask with the network's link or @ and I'll it into this post! 😎

[puppywritings]

celeritas - kim jungwoo x gender neutral reader (teaser)

masterlist

⇢   synopsis: celeritas; speed, swiftness. windswept hair and ripped jeans. kim jungwoo, mysterious neighbour and alleged street racer. just what secrets lie within this man? and can you match his speed?

⇢   release date: some time in april, exact date tbc

⇢   expected word count: 4k-8k

⇢   teaser word count: 0.9k

⇢   trigger warnings for full fic: car accident, blood, non-serious injury, swearing.

⇢   trigger warnings for teaser: blood, non-serious injury

⇢   a/n: this is my piece for the racer au collab, originally hosted by the lovely anie 💕

send me an ask or message to be added to the taglist!

"Jungwoo?" you asked, peering at him. He was clearly trying to hide himself, but you knew it was him. You unrecognised his lips, and hoped that wasn't creepy, but what deterred you was the swelling around the left side of his jaw. "Are you okay?"

"Hey, Y/N. I'm fine." He tried to give you a reassuring smile, but winced as the action twinged his swollen features. 

"You don't seem too fine," you commented, trying to peer at the rest of his face, under his hood. 

"I've had worse," he shrugged, wincing again. "Look, can we go inside?"

You frowned, pulling open your apartment door before ushering him inside and pulling down his hood, acting fast and catching him unaware, only to gasp at the state of his face. Along with his swollen jaw was a black eye, and a gash across his forehead that had recently ceased its bleeding, judging by the dark, dried blood around the site of injury 

"Oh my god, Jungwoo, what happened?"

"Listen, I said it's fine-"

"Come on, let me patch you up." You grasped his arm, marching him towards the elevator, and he got the message that his protesting was worthless and you wouldn't be taking no for an answer. Once in your apartment, you pulled a chair out from your kitchen table and pushed Jungwoo firmly down onto it, before digging the first aid kit out of your cupboard. 

Jungwoo was silent through the whole affair, and you sensed that some of this was surprise. It didn't seem like he was used to this - being taken charge of, that was. He seemed like the type of guy who took charge of everything and everyone he encountered. Well, you supposed, he had met his match.

He was a good patient, and only flinched once, when you brushed his wounds with an antibacterial wipe. Finished your cleaning and bandaging, you leaned back against your kitchen counter, eyeing the man up. He said nothing, simply looking back at you with an undetectable look on his face. His lips were set in a straight line, though his eyes were soft.

“Do you want a drink?” you asked him eventually, breaking the silence. “I have decaf coffee, tea, hot cocoa-”

“Hot cocoa, please!” Jungwoo interrupted, looking excited all of a sudden, despite his injuries. You nodded, and went to prepare two hot cocoas. Silence fell again, and it was a strangely comfortable silence considering you were near-strangers.

“So,” you spoke after a few moments, “I know I said I wouldn't ask questions. But I did just fix your face, so I think you kinda owe me a little explanation.”

“Hey, hey. This face? Could never need fixing. You can’t fix perfection.”

You gave him a look. “You’re avoiding the subject, Jungwoo.”

“Alright, alright,” he raised his hands in surrender. “I’m a street racer.”

You paused for a few beats, looking at him. Searching his face for any sign of amusement, waiting for a gotcha! 

It didn’t come. “A street racer?”

“You don’t believe me?” he asked. He sounded genuine enough. You were left wondering whether he was, in fact, a street racer… or a pathological liar.

“You don’t look like a street racer,” was all you said, as you handed him his cocoa. He took a sip.

“Then, what do I look like?” he questioned. A model, you thought. Outwardly, however, you simply shrugged, and tried to hide your blush by taking a sip of your drink, which was far too hot. “You can come see me in action if you want, baby. I’m racing again tomorrow night, midnight.”

You raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “Follow a mysterious man, who I’ve found covered in blood on two separate occasions? Come on. Even to you, that must sound a little shifty.”

Jungwoo shrugged. “You’re the one who invited me into your home, babe."

You sighed -  you couldn’t really fight him on that one. You wrapped your hands around your mug tightly. “I don’t know anything about you, Jungwoo. I don’t even know your last name-”

“Kim,” he interrupted. “Kim Jungwoo.”

You roll your eyes. “Fine. Well I know your last name, now. But still. How do I know you’re even telling the truth?”

Jungwoo smiled, his lips twisting upwards in the corners in the most endearing way possible. He looked into your eyes. “Y/N. Darling. Why would I lie?”

You give him a cynical look. “Really, Jungwoo? There are some serious creeps out there. Creeps who tell many different lies for many different reasons. And none of them are good reasons.”

“Just trust me, okay? Take a leap of faith.” You raised an eyebrow at him. Most creeps weren’t this pretty. “A leap right into my arms,” he continued, stretching his arms wide as an invitation.

Snorting out a laugh, you delivered a shove to his shoulder. Gently - you didn’t know the extent of his injuries. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Midnight, right?”

“Midnight,” he confirmed. He smiled at you, in a way that you couldn’t help but smile back. “See you then.” 

With that, he was gone, leaving you alone in your kitchen once more. Jungwoo always seemed to come and go, much like a tornado, leaving you shell-shocked and windswept in his wake. Street racing, hm? You shook your head to yourself. Just what were you getting yourself into?

[notnctu]

heather | k.dy ❀

━ listen to: heather by conan gray

kim doyoung x reader ❀ genre - here’s the angst we didn’t ask for, fluff ❀ details - intentional lowercase, genderneutral!reader, drinking ❀ word count - 2.1k ❀ synopsis - if only he knew how much you liked him... but you watch his eyes as heather walks by and how he falls in love with her instead.

❀ a/n - hi hi it’s author doie❀! i use lyrics from the song so pls listen to the masterpiece that inspired this fic LMAO also thank you to everyone who follows us <3 we reached a big big milestone this time and i’m still speechless how far we’ve come as a blog. it almost feels surreal? that so many people actually enjoy our content... it’s unbelievable. thank you all again for your support and interactions ): idk how to even express the gratitude i have rn 

what a sight for sore eyes — kim doyoung with eyes that light up brighter than the blue skies. heather walks by and waves enthusiastically to the both of you. her smile is kind, gentle, sweet. and doyoung reflects nothing, except hearts that shape his pupils. he’s mesmerized and unrecognizable.

you stand there dying at the hopelessness in your crush’s gaze over a single person. the nervousness in his wave says enough for you to know pain in your own chest. a sadness that pulls directly at your heartstrings.

heather, she wears cute outfits worth seeing the day of light. heather, she has a big heart that’s too good for this world. heather, she’s such an angel. heather, the one doyoung is in love with.

you wish you were heather.

you love doyoung the very day he stayed up with you to help you study for your final last semester. yet, he doesn’t even acknowledge your new haircut or the different accessories that wrap around your fingers. doyoung isn’t the type to really take these little details in account, but with heather. it’s different.

he rambles on and on about how he loves her dainty earrings. or the way her hair is pulled nicely into a neat ponytail. or how she looks better in his sweater.

despite it all, you couldn’t hate her. she has done nothing to you. effortlessly, doyoung tripped and fell head over heels for her and that is all out of her control. so, you’d rather loathe in your own self doubt than to hate someone as pure as heather.

maybe you simply aren’t as pretty as heather. she’s a doll, so to compare yourself to her is really an opportunity to crush your self esteem. doyoung likes pretty things. but is it that hard to find beauty in you? 

if only he knew how much you loved him, would that change the way he views you? doyoung is not perfect either, but that’s why you love him. his imperfections make him perfect. a little tempered, but cares with everything he can give to someone. he’s the softest boy, but won’t hesitate to snap someone in the neck. 

doyoung is more than what he makes himself out to be. a complexity that is greater to the unknown, but worth exploring. he’s outspoken, with a yield to fragility if punctured. doyoung, you know him better than anyone else. 

“are we hanging out tonight?” waving a quick hand in front of his daze, he shakes his head to refocus. 

doyoung pouts at your question, a little apologetic. “i thought i told you i had a date with heather.”

her spoken name crushes your bones, along with any hope that doyoung could ever feel anything for you. and silly you! to have buried the memory of their first date so deeply in the back of your mind that you forgot. 

“right.” your answer is limp, but doyoung is too excited to really register the drop in your tone. and the tug at the corners of your lips, the dipping eye contact to the ground. you’re not even listening anymore, drowning out the giddiness of your friend talking about someone else.

but it’s always the same. he talks about heather unwarranted, like she’s the only thing on his mind when before her, his mind was full of wisdom and insightful snarky comments. 

“listen doie, i’ll catch up with you later.” you place a lingering hand on his shoulder, and confusion blinks back at you. he takes your hand, intertwining them and kisses your knuckles. it’s a friendly gesture. he probably does this with heather too. 

his gummy smile reminds you of the man you love. instantly, pain is washed away and momentarily lost. “don’t be a fool, y/n. i always walk you to class. today is no different. plus, i like your company.” 

you wonder if this is his poor attempt at still making you seem important to him, or if he truly enjoyed spending more time with you. regardless, you don’t deny the offer and he seems to drop the conversation about heather. 

“have you ever loved anyone?” you are going to regret asking him this question, without you knowing the consequential answer that will break you further. 

“such a sudden question....” he laughs nervously, his eyes widening. “i don’t know what that feels like, and i’m sure the movies are over dramatizing it.”

“do you feel that with heather?” what on earth are you doing? the light pink that dusts across his pale cheeks can’t hide his embarrassment to being asked. your heart drops to the pit of your stomach, as you slowly feel your hand slipping away from his.

“not entirely, yet.” the shattering of your heart can be the only thing heard at this very moment. the chatter from passing students, the rustling of leaves from the wind, doyoung’s voice all fade away. 

it suffocates you, like the one word grew hands to squeeze all the life out of you. “have you? are you hiding a special someone from me?” his quizzical eyes blink with a mischievous implication and a growing smile. 

“i’ve felt it before and you’re right. it’s nothing like the movies, it’s more painful.” you speak without any control over your own words. doyoung frowns, but not evidently enough for you to point it out. instead you drop his hand and rush to your lecture hall. waving a small goodbye and a sadness that exposes more of your intentions. 

nonetheless, your friend waves back with an embarrassing amount of energy. and an irredeemable facade of kindness that taunts at your selfish feelings.

“where’s doyoung?” johnny appears at your side with copious amounts of alcohol enough to wipe out the whole fraternity house. somehow you manage to lose sight of the people you came here with and end up sulking in the kitchen.

johnny is doyoung’s friend, but is friendly enough to acknowledge you whenever paths crossed. he opens a can of beer for himself after vultures snatch the new bottles he had brought in, but he doesn’t mind. he never does.

“on a date with heather.” grumbling, you let the remainder of the drink tip you over your limit. you’re buzzed enough, you could cry. and are you really going to forfeit the first person in college to see you cry be johnny suh? you just might.

“ah, the new chick he’s been talking about?” he mindlessly sips at his drink, while also greeting every person that flirtatiously beckons his way. but what you needed is for him to notice the suffering that love has mercilessly sprouted upon you. because your pride would never let you speak what’s bothering you.

 johnny turns around to your silently crying figure and automatically draws you into a warm hug. his shirt soaks up your tears, and in a way, he’s wiping them away. “don’t tell me you like kim doyoung.”

he whispers loud enough for only you to hear and it does nothing to help the waterfalls that wet the fabric, “no. i’m in love with kim doyoung.” 

now that is a proclamation that can be heard throughout the loud thumping party music that rumbles the house. and the single voice that has you regretting seeking comfort and vulnerability in the middle of a densely populated frat party.

“you are?” when you pull away to face the one person you did not expect to see here tonight, he shows an array of shock that you soon mirror as your eyes trail down. you see his hand nicely intertwined with heather’s, and her by his side with an equal amount of confusion. but they look promising, while your friendship with him does not anymore.

“what are you doing here?” is all you can find to say. johnny runs a hand through his locks, clearly flustered at the sight of such a tense awkwardness. 

“i came to pick you up.” a small speechless airy voice, he’s in disbelief. 

“doyoung, i’ll excuse myself.” heather proceeds to walk towards the door. you hold your breath to see his next move, but he stands there like an unmovable tower. 

is it pain in his eyes? you can’t tell what he’s feeling, but you had to do this for him. he’s your friend with feelings of his own that sadly does not include you, but must be honored and respected. so you run after heather for him, leaving doyoung to find time to process what had just happened.

“heather, please wait.” you sound breathless, chasing after the girl who holds your crush’s heart. she’s out on the pavement as you abruptly stop on the lawn, the night air feeling extremely cold against your hot skin.

she smiles at you, when you feel the alcohol running up your throat. your drunken self falls as she catches you in her arms. “y/n, it’s okay. you didn’t need to come after me.”

“you can’t leave him. please, he loves you.” heather’s hands caress your cheek softly and her round glossy eyes bore through your skin. 

“no. he doesn’t love me.” she points back to the house and you turn to see doyoung rushing out the door, taking deep breaths on the porch and staring directly at you, staring at you with a determination that has you running towards him as well.

and you melt into his long arms. his hand on the back of your head, pressing you into his rising chest. he’s absolutely breathless, why is he breathless? the kitchen is a short run from the front door, so why is he breathing as if he experienced the biggest panic in his life? 

perhaps, it’s fear of losing you. that his reaction scared you off and the risk of you leaving him. you can’t leave him, please. he loves you. 

doyoung does the unimaginable, something that you can only dream about, wish upon a star that it could come true. he lifts your chin and the streetlamps paint him a fluorescent warm tone orange. he kisses you with gentle lips and kind glides against your own.

in this very moment, you’re free falling. doyoung’s hand is reaching out for you, but it’s all too fast. the only thing that catches you is a gust of wind as it carries you to a safe landing. your heart beats like it’s never done so before, with love and confusion.

so, you push at his chest slightly aggressive as you scream with unknowing tears dripping down your cheeks again. “why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty.” 

doyoung grips your wrists and opens his mouth to say something. anything. his eyes are frantically searching for a way to tell you what you truly mean to him. “because i--” he sighs, “i like you. i’ve always liked you.” 

everything comes to a halt, like a pause in the universe. never once has doyoung ever admitted those feelings about anyone, even heather. of course, you can tell through his reactions and constant chatter how he felt, but he’s never once said it aloud.

so were you too blinded by your own grief to realize that doyoung looked at you the same way he did to heather? that he talks about you endlessly to other people who are willing to listen? that he compliments subtle things about you, even if they aren’t things you purposefully changed? 

“what about heather?” you sniff, wiping your wet eyes.

“i thought i should learn to move on from someone who wasn’t going to look at me the same way i did them.” he brushes your cheek with his knuckles, planting the sweetest, most comforting kisses on your forehead.

your heart feels full. it feels put together. “i’ve liked you since you helped me with finals..” 

“...and i’ve liked you since the moment i laid eyes on you. then we grew closer, and today, i lied about never being in love. because with you, i feel it.” he smiles and it’s as if every bad thing to exist is resolved. doyoung grows a bit shy at his confession as his gaze drops to the floor.

“why didn’t you just tell me?” 

“why didn’t you just tell me?” doyoung turns the question back on you so matter of fact, yet still chuckling jokingly. “i’m sorry, i should have mustered up the courage to tell you a long time ago, i’m not the best with feelings... but i hope it’s not too late... that we aren’t too late to establish something?”

he draws you into a tight hug, your head rests on his broad shoulder. the scent of his cologne tickles your nose, and you’re incredibly happy. what a sight for sore eyes — the happiness that reaches to the stars, brighter than the night skies. 

you wish you were—

[skztrashinthebuilding-recs]

part forty-eight - capitalism king

prom committee📚 - ot8!skz x reader, highschool!au, crack comedy, angst, fluff

warnings: none | rating: pg

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a/n: hi guys, here’s part 48!! I’m currently putting together a prom committee playlist so please comment or send me an ask with recommendations of any songs that remind you of the fic!! you guys are still more than welcome to hmu if you need to, I’m always here!! I really hope you’re all staying safe, happy and healthy! lmk what you guys think of this part and hmu if you wanna be on the taglist! x

taglist 💕: @lovelymultiwrites @localjisung @lcvantr @brinnalaine @anothershorthuman @cookielino @pinkporto @jimincanbreakmyspine @linours @lolwhatameme @red-taylorsversion @bekahbabiestay @pokyloky @blossom-hwa @hannahdinse8 @diue @happy-at-home @haechans-sunflower @kiyokoism @cherrystay @elizabeth11moreno @skzleaf @rindomo @crispy-chan @thonkingdeepo @a-golden-sunflower-vol-6 @nirelvega @nycol-ie @aestheticbanguniverse @hyunsvngs @the7thcrow @shrimpsposts @dayawantstosleep @vitaminhyunjin @gyuville @annawolfhard19 @staysuki @crashprosticoot @90s-belladonna @hyunnie-bee @wrongbitch24 @strawbrrychan @tenderfrailty @chanstresour @hobistigma @daisyhwa @hyunjun-jpeg @leagreenly @grassbutneo @sometandomstuff333

couldn’t tag: @gdaystays @teddibug @hyunjeongins @skzxexo-vevo @cloverspce

[hannie-dul-set]

I (HAVE/HAD) A CRUSH ON YOU — lee jeno.

SUMMARY. running into a past crush at your best friend’s birthday party wouldn’t have been so bad if he wasn’t— well— all that.

PAIRING. lee jeno x female! reader. GENRE. crush! jeno, college! au, rom-com, mildly suggestive moments. WARNINGS. swearing, smoking, mentions of dicks and balls (sorry), an awful amount of men  and boys being boys. WORD COUNT. 5.8k. TAGLIST. @lebrookestore @sehunniepot @nctdom. general: @danishmiilk @wownajaemin @unknown5tar @yunoyeol @jaembby @neoaekids @bat-shark-repellant @keemburley @deliciouslyyellow @navoeur @huangberryyy.

NOTE. made this post a few days ago and ended up actually writing it. god save me. there’s no plot unless you can count thirsting for jeno as plot, then there’s a lot of it. ending slightly rushed since i just wanted to get this out. 70% of this actually happened while the rest were added, omitted, enhanced, and tweaked for your maximum viewing pleasure. enjoy.

THE THING IS, THE LAST TIME YOU’D SEEN LEE JENO WAS A YEAR AND A HALF AGO, and back then, you’d only known a total of five things about him.

First, he was, well, hot. Second, he smoked. Third, he was planning on taking up mechanical engineering. Fourth, he liked cats. And lastly—

You had a crush on him.

Just a small crush. Five months tops. Nothing big or deep enough to pursue.

It wasn’t like you were close friends or anything of the like to see his face on the regular, either. You only knew him since you went to school for four years together, were in the same groups for a few projects and outings together, and shared a few conversations and unfortunate events together (i.e. the time you were forced to act out a couple scene for a class roleplay, but that’s a story for another day). But then twelfth grade and college came swinging by and you haven’t heard of him ever since, save for a few whiffs here and there when someone would mention him, or when he’d heart your recently changed display picture.

The only other connection you can count with him is the fact that you also shared the same friend— Chaewon— your best friend of over ten years and the only girl a part of Jeno’s friend group. She’s also the star of the party you’re attending today, and the very reason why you’re meeting Lee Jeno again in the first place.

The very reason why you end up seeing him again when you enter the hotel room, white button up with rolled up sleeves tucked in sharp fitting slacks and all, and think: oh shit, I used to have a crush on him.

“Whoa. Y/N, is that you?"

He turned away from the mirror when he heard the door opening as you entered, sporting a look of surprise before melting into a wide, closed-eyed smile.

Oh shit, you think again. He’s still hot.

Out of the five things you knew about him, it seems this one still checks out.

“Y/N, Jeno’s asking if you’re Y/N,” Donghyuck chimes in as he squeezes past you, trying to maneuver around the crowded hotel room filled with people preparing and voices muddled together. You see faces you haven’t even caught a glimpse of in two years (Donghyuck was one), some you’ve seen just a week ago (Sunwoo, whose head you saw popping out from the bathroom. He went to your house last weekend to borrow a book). There are also people you’ve never met before in your entire life but have heard their names mentioned (Chenle was a name you’ve heard many times and is a name currently being shouted by a guy you don’t recognize), so that increases your ill comfort.

“No,” you snort in reply, placing your bags down on one of the empty spaces on the floor. “Who could I be, I wonder.”

Jeno chuckles and turns back to the mirror, throwing on his coat. “It’s nice seeing you again, Y/N.”

Christ, you sigh and sink into the closest chair. Even his back looks hot.

THE SECOND THING you knew about him was still the same, as well.

“Hey.”

You hear a familiar voice from a few seats away.

“Where did Jeno run off to?”

Despite all the music and voices chattering in the ballroom, your ears pick up Mark Lee from the table next to yours asking the rest of his friends in the middle of the event, and you let your spoon drop onto the saucer to listen out of curiosity. Letting your eyes gloss around their table, you can recognize each one of them— Donghyuck, Jaemin, Yangyang, Shotaro, Renjun (people you went to highschool with), and an empty chair right beside Mark— presumably, Jeno’s.

“Right,” Yangyang adds, flicking his wrist to check his watch. “It’s almost time for us to perform.”

All six turn to Jaemin simultaneously, and the orange-haired boy nonchalantly looks back at them in his seat. Jaemin takes out his right hand, two fingers open and raises it to his puckered up lips. He blows into the gap between his fingers and drops his hand down, shoulder slacking. “Out.”

They release a groan. Sunwoo asks from beside you if you’re gonna eat your remaining ice cream or just let it evaporate.

“I thought he stopped smoking,” you hear Renjun say.

“He stopped smoking to start vaping,” replied Donghyuck. “Jaemin, why don’t you tell your friend off. It’s Chaewon’s birthday, for fuck’s sake.”

“He doesn’t even listen anymore when I nag him,” Jaemin whines before turning back to Mark, who already looked worried because of two reasons. “But, hyung. If you’re worried about Chaewon’s party getting ruined if he doesn’t show up on time—”

He nods his head, chin pointing to the ballroom entrance.

“Don’t.”

At that moment, Jeno waltzes into the scene— one hand in his pocket, the other languidly swinging on his side as he makes large strides to the table. The moving lights flicker on his face for a split second, just a second before it slid elsewhere in the room, and you took in a sharp inhale of the conditioned air. He makes eye contact with you as he passes by, nods and smiles, one corner of his lips just barely twitching upwards, before grinning wider as he skips to his table with the boy.

“Hey,” he says, settling down beside Mark. “We’re up next, right?”

The chair you’re sitting on is kicked by Sunwoo, and you yelp out a swear. “What the fuck?”

“Your ice cream,” he deadpans. “Melting.”

Drawing your eyes back to the table, you see bits of nuts and marshmallows swimming in a pool of white, brown, and a darker shade inside your tall glass. You groan and push it aside. Jesus, it’s like you’re sixteen again.

YOU’RE LOSING YOUR MIND.

Were you that relationship deprived, romantically denied, and so much in need of something to water your dried-up, shriveled-up love life to the point of gawking at your old crush (of whom you don’t even know if he’s still single) throughout the entire party and after?

Perhaps.

You don’t want to admit it, but you also don’t have another explanation as to why the fuck you’re sitting against a seat in the cold, cold corner of the dim hotel room, fries and tupperwared cake and wine in a coke cup in front of your crossed legs, looking up, french fry between your fingers, and with your mouth slightly ajar at the Lee Jeno that’s looming over you at this very moment.

He’d just taken a shower. You can see from the droplets melting into the gray towel hanging around his neck.

“Can you get my phone?”

“Don’t want to,” the words automatically come out of your mouth before you can think, and you inwardly cringe at yourself, feeling your soul shrivel up and die just like your love life.

“It’s literally behind you,” Jeno grumbles. “Please?”

You wipe your mouth and blink more times than normal, returning the fry to its basket. “Where?”

“Wedged between the cushion,” his face scrunches together while he aggressively dries his hair with the towel.

You quickly turn around and look for the damned phone.

“Yup. That’s it,” he says, and you pass the device up to him. He shoots you a grin and turns on the screen. “Nice, good job.”

“Am I a dog?” you grimace, swiping your paper cup of wine from the floor and bringing it up to your lips, looking to the side. Jeno laughs and reaches for the top of your head, his fingers slipping through strands of your hair while he ruffles it up.

“Thanks.”

His fingers disappear from your scalp and he sits on the bedside, still close to you while he busies himself with his phone.

You could feel the wires in your brain start to fry and short circuit.

“Hey, you don’t have a cough or anything, right?”

Just then, Sunwoo enters your peripheral and settles himself down right in front of you on the floor, just beside Jeno’s feet. You remembered that there were other people here inside the hotel room, and suddenly you hear all the noises around— the screaming at each other, the laughing at the television screen right in front of the two, pushed together beds, and the hysterical crying from the dining area just outside the door.

“No,” you look at him, feeling the sting of liquid crawl down your throat before throwing the now empty cup to the floor. “Why?”

“Let me borrow your spoon.”

You look at what he has with him. It’s the mango float Shotaro brought. Sunwoo waits for you with a hopeful glimmer.

“Wait. I have a runny nose.”

You flinched when you heard Jeno break into a snort and laugh.

This isn’t supposed to make you feel proud, but it does.

Sunwoo scoffs, adjusting his legs with a glare directed straight at your forehead. “If you don’t want me to use it then just say it to my face.” Offended, you try to defend yourself, saying that he only asked if you were coughing at first, so of course you’d say no and that he should’ve clarified his intentions from the beginning, but Sunwoo wouldn’t take any of your shit. You could still hear Jeno’s stray chuckles. Sunwoo continues to ignore you and decides to pay attention to the guy sitting on the bed instead, much to your outrage. “Long time no see Jen.”

“Hey,” Jeno answers. “For the record, Y/N has a point.”

You stick your tongue out. Sunwoo ignores you. “You go to NCIT, right?”

“Yep. What about you two?”

“Music production at SNU,” your friend replies. Jeno hums and says something, but you lose whatever it was when his eyes flit over to you.

Right. He has a mole under his left eye.

“Y/N?”

“O—oh,” you stammer. Sunwoo snorts and makes fun of you. You give him the finger. “Hanyang.”

“What are you taking?”

You don’t know why but you’re suddenly embarrassed. “Uh— public administration.”

“Whoa,” he leans down, elbows resting on his knees while his hands dangle in front of him. The lights are all off. The television screen is the only thing illuminating the back of his head. You can see the outline of his features— sharp and gentle. Jeno opens his mouth. “That’s cool. You gonna run for president?”

You start coughing.

“I thought your throat was fine,” Sunwoo grimaces from in front of you, throwing sheets of tissue paper that he found on the floor to your direction.

“Fuck off,” you crumple the sheets and pelt it to his face before turning back to Jeno, un-knitting your eyebrows. “I’d rather get run over thanks to all my readings.”

“At least you’re taking a break today,” your friend butts in. You grumble and take a scoop of cake from the tupperware. “What about you, Jen? Weren’t you planning on being an engineer, or something?”

“Oh,” he says. “I’m taking up nursing.”

The spoon hangs from your mouth. Huh.

“What’s with the face?”

Jeno laughs at Sunwoo’s expression, his side profile highlighted by the television screen. Number three on the things you used to know about him is now crossed out, but still—

“You don’t think it suits me?”

It’s hot.

“Y/N, I’m fit to be a nurse, right?” suddenly, he turns to you, and you chase all your stupid thoughts away. Jesus, this guy needs to warn you before he looks at you. “I’m pretty sure I can rock a pair of scrubs and a stethoscope. I took your side earlier, c’mon.”

You stare at him. Why the fuck did he have to insert that image into your head.

Jeno lets out a groan, leaning back against the bed with his arms behind his neck. He lays on a nearby stack of pillows. His shirt rides up and your blood pressure is reaching a very dangerous level. “If you’re feeling sick, you can just phone me,” he grins at you. “I’ll nurse you back to health in no time.”

“I don’t even have your number, Jeno,” you manage to reply.

“Really?” his eyebrows lift up, tongue pushing against the inside of his mouth in a moment of thought. “Hold on.”

The phone you were looking for is suddenly thrown to your hands, home screen bright and open and unlocked.

“Save your number. I’ll text you.”

You make a noise of affirmation.

He has dating apps. At least now you know he’s single.

IT’S ONE IN THE MORNING when you return to the hotel room with Sunwoo from the convenience store to get some fresh air, and by god— you never knew how terrifying it would be to open a door and be greeted by around a dozen men scattered all around a dark room until it happened to you just now.

Fortunately for you, Chaewon is there to save you from the debilitating testosterone and sausage fest. She squeals when she sees you enter the room.

“Y/N!” you’re enveloped in a tight hug after the girl sprang herself from the bed to glomp you. A soft smile scatters across your lips, nose tickled by the stiff curls of her hair while she rocks you back and forth in her arms. “Ahh, I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to pay attention to you the whole day. There’s just so much things going on and a lot of people to tend to, so—”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I get it, Chae,” you assure her, pulling away. “I could use a break from you, anyway.”

Her bottom lip juts outward. You laugh and bring her back into an embrace. “You literally call me every single day.” But that wasn’t enough for her, obviously. It takes a total of six minutes before she finally and reluctantly pries herself away from you.

“Make yourself at home, Y/N. There’s still some space on the bed, so go lie down and watch the movie they’re playing,” she says, and you take a peek at the television screen. The first thing you see is a shot of dismembered…member flying in the air. You look at Chaewon. She smiles stiffly. “Or not. I have to go to the other room, sorry.”

“Hope you make it until sunrise.”

“I’m having fun, it’s fine. You on the other hand better tell me if you need anything alright?” you nod and nod, telling her not to worry. “Sureness? I’ll be in the other room, so just— oh, jesus fuck— Kim Jungwoo, put that down!”

Chaewon rushes out of the room, door slamming after her. There’s a crash. You sigh and take in the scene right in front of you.

There is Donghyuck and Renjun sitting in the right corner that you previously occupied, mixing drinks and passing them to the men on the bed (the men on the bed being Yangyang, Mark, Jaemin, and Shotaro). Meanwhile, on your left, you can spot a certain Eric Sohn emerge from the bathroom, looking a little, uh, disoriented, managing a smile and wave to your direction while he passes by Dejun who was already mixing himself a packet of 3 in 1 coffee. You miss a few faces scattered herr and there in the dark, but you’d rather be here than outside where you can hear Chaewon and maybe Sunwoo trying to get an already wasted Jungwoo to get his shit together.

You exhale, crawling past a passed out Shotaro to position yourself right beside Yangyang. “The fuck are you guys watching?”

“No idea,” he replies. “It’s funny, though.”

When you tuned into the TV there was a dick again. It really feels like you’re transported three years into the past and not in a good way because you also find yourself laughing. God, is all the testosterone in the air getting to your head or what?

“Mark,” you call out to the guy on his phone at the edge of the bed. He looks behind and meets your eyes with pleasant surprise.

“Oh, Y/N,” he bats his eyelashes. “You’re here?”

“Since, three in the afternoon, dumbass,” you dig your legs under the blanket, stretching one out until your left foot barely hits Jaemin’s back. “Throw me the pillow.” He does as you say, and you settle the pillow on your lap.

Your attention flits back and forth over your phone and the movie (which is funny, you had to admit). At some point, Yangyang had decided to use your left arm as a resting post, and you had to push him off because he reeked of alcohol. Laying right in front of you is Na Jaemin, back flat on the two mattresses and taking up the most space along with Shotaro. Mark had already ran out to help Chaewon with the chaos outside, so Donghyuck took his spot in the far right corner.

It’s cold in the room. People have entered and left through the door multiple times over the course of twenty minutes, but you still don’t see Jeno anywhere. Not that you were specifically looking for him, but Na Jaemin is here and it’s odd to see them apart. Well, not that you’d seen them at all prior to this day, anyway.

You sigh.

Alright. Maybe you are looking for him.

“Where’s Jeno?” Yangyang asks the question for you, and your ears perk up for the answer.

“He went out with Kunhang,” says Jaemin, eyes glued on the TV screen. “Why? You miss him?”

Yangyang grimaces. “My phone’s dead and he borrowed my fucking charger.”

Speak of the devil. Leaks of light from the outside enter the room when the door swings open, revealing Jeno in a black shirt and a pair of basketball shorts before the lights dim once again. He’s stuck right by the door for a moment, right in front of the bed and staring at your direction. Why the fuck is he staring at your direction?

You swallow down, saliva cracking through your dry throat.

He answers by jumping into the empty space right by your legs.

“Oof— oh god, holy shit that hurts, man.”

A loud smack! bounces around the four walls of the room. Jeno yelps and curls his leg into his chest. Jaemin grunts and moves away to give him space.

“Dude, where did you put my charger?” Yangyang asks.

“The couch, somewhere,” he replies, squirming on top of the mess of blankets to get into a comfortable position. “Oh wait, Renjun borrowed it.”

Yangyang grumbles and leaves his spot beside you, and somehow Lee Jeno’s head finds its way on the pillow you were using. The pillow you were using to warm up your lap. He was laying down on your fucking lap. You can smell the bubblegum scented smoke that’s knitted into his hair, skin, and clothes. You can see the outline of his nose and eyelashes from the glow of the television screen right in front.

He lets out a deep laugh, eyes trained on the movie. You can feel the vibrations spilling into your thighs, stomach, chest, up to your faint and dizzying head.

There’s sweat trailing down the back of your neck. Fuck, it’s getting hotter.

“Found it.”

Yangyang announces as he throws himself back beside you, and you choke on your own spit in surprise. “Jesus, you good?”

Jesus, you hope you are.

“Who’s this?”

Jeno turns around briefly, and your legs are able to breathe for a quick moment and you mentally rejoice— “oh, it’s Y/N,”— however he settles back down, head resting on the pillow above your thighs, as if it isn’t a breach of platonic comfort.

It’s not like you’re friends or anything for him to be all close to you. This is the first time you’ve seen him in over a fucking year.

Jaemin is also laying beside Jeno, scrolling through pictures on his phone instead of watching the movie, and your attention is caught by the very stupid photo of Haechan and you burst into an unplanned two second of laughter before covering your mouth. The two look up, smiling, and continue to scroll through Jaemin’s gallery. “Jaem, Hyuck is gonna kill us.”

“He’s passed out on the floor.”

You try to hold in your snorts and chortles, but god damn— why did they have to show you the clip of a clearly pissed off Renjun, swearing and pointing his finger at Yangyang, ready to throw hands before slipping on the longboard conveniently in his way. It’s difficult to keep your hysterics on low volume, especially when the two are also laughing.

However, you go silent when your eyes catch a glimpse of a certain photo of Jeno, quickly scrolled past by Jaemin who went off to show a shot of Mark Lee’s ass in rash guard shorts.

Go back, you want to say. That was barely a second, go back.

“Hey, let me borrow the phone for a sec,” Jeno steals the phone from Jaemin’s hands to which the guy responds with a whine. He scrolls back dozens of photos, all in your perfect view since the guy was still using your legs as a second pillow, right before stopping. “Wow. Perfect.”

It’s the shot of him from earlier. Thirst trap mirror selfie. Sleeveless shirt. God, his jawline can slice through your arteries.

“Ew, you’re just trying to show off,” the screen is shut off in the process of Jaemin snatching his phone back. He turns around to look at you. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hello,” you reply flatly. Your right leg is starting to become numb. “Do you need anything?”

Jaemin stares at you for a few seconds. You raise a brow.

“Yes. I need to pee. Hold on.”

The guy shuffles off of the bed, and Jeno lets out a long, happy sigh for finally having all of the space to himself. You expect him transfer his fucking head elsewhere, but no. Jeno lifts his head up for a second— one second— only to adjust the pillow on your legs and stretch himself, right before dropping his head back down your lap with a comfortable groan, arms crossed.

Are you a joke to him?

Your mouth is itching to say something. For example, out of all the places, why here? Is this normal for him? To use the legs of a person he hasn’t even talked to in one point five years as a resting cushion? Does he realize how close he is? That you can smell the musky shampoo he used a while ago? He can take the fucking pillow and move away, why the fuck is he doing this?

The blood that’s supposed to be circulating around your legs is cut off. You can barely feel your thighs. However, you still can’t bring yourself to say anything because holy shit— he’s moving his head up and closer and you can feel it each time he breathes.

Suddenly, he shots up.

Your blood comes rushing back into your legs and you can feel them again. Jeno doesn’t say anything when he slides off the bed and walks out the door.

“Where’d he go?” Jaemin asks after returning from the bathroom. You shrug in response. He lays back down and the sounds coming from the television speakers enter your ears once again, and you let out a deep sigh.

While the end credits roll and air finally starts to become colder, you’re flashed back to the time where you first had a crush on him: 11th grade. Middle of the semester. You’d always been aware that Lee Jeno is a remarkably fine specimen, and that you were able to confirm that up close when you were roped into roleplaying a scene where he ended up pinning you against the blackboard for the sake of your grades— but you digress. It really, officially began when you were whining to Chaewon about being single, and that all you wanted was an attractive and strong looking man who had a pretty voice and liked cats, and Lee Donghyuck had to fucking overhear and scream to the entire class “hey! That’s Jeno!” subsequently causing the guy to look over to your direction, slow-mo style, and it clicked inside your head like the barrel of a gun.

You were a goner for five months tops. But then you moved up to twelfth grade and forgot about him.

Had you not been here today, you quite frankly would have continued to forget about him, but you didn’t— you’re here, you’ve seen him, and he’s back in the fucking room with a paper cup in hand that he slammed down onto the television counter right after downing the shot. You caught all of that with your eyeballs in 4K, especially the way his Adam's apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed the drink.

You mumble a silent swear.

He runs his fingers through his hair before falling back into his previous position (your lap), faced down with a grunt. Jaemin smacks Jeno’s ass upon return.

It’s almost as if your backlogs aren’t enough torture.

“You’re not allowed to smoke in the hotel,” Jaemin tells him.

“I didn’t. I went to the kitchen to drink a bit,” he groans in reply, flipping himself over and taking out his phone from his short pockets. You spot Jaemin about to get up. Jeno stops him. “Don’t go out unless you want to ice skate on vomit.”

Jaemin lies back down.

“Are— are those your cats?” you find yourself asking when Jeno’s phone screen shines on your face, full view of his home screen wallpaper. When he passed you his phone earlier, you took notice of the three different colored cats laying down on three different surfaces like a ladder.

“Yeah,” he replied with a smile. Not that you can see it, anyway, since his eyes are trained on his phone screen. “That’s Bongsik, Seol, and Nal. Cute, aren’t they?”

Jaemin scoffs. “You can’t even hold them without sneezing your ass off.”

“So? There’s always a small sacrifice when it comes to love.”

The two of them continue their back and forth banter. You smile to yourself. Item number four on your list also checks out. That’s three out of five since the guy suddenly switched over to nursing instead of mechanical engineering— the story behind that, you don’t know and don’t expect yourself to know since, well again, you aren’t close.

Supposedly. That closeness becomes arbitrary when he’s literally snuggled up on your legs at the moment.

Jaemin interrupts your mental musings by calling Jeno a ballsack. You didn’t get to hold back your snort and laughter.

“Oh god—” you wheeze, fingers covering your lips because god you aren’t proud of laughing over something as juvenile as that, but you are. Jaemin looks satisfied. You want to bury yourself. “Sorry, I’m— fuck, holy shit.”

It hits you that Jeno is dead silent, and when you look at him, you’re met with a pair of eyes, upside-down and reflecting the light from the television screen, looking straight at you. You can see his eyelashes fluttering open, his under eye mole contrasting his blue-tinted skin in the dim arena, and the shimmer on his slightly wet lips that’s turned into a faint pout.

His head is still resting on your lap.

Your giggles die down immediately.

“What’s so funny?”

Suddenly, he gets up. Your legs can finally breathe again, but now your lungs are clogged— seared shut and unable to squeeze in or out even the tiniest bit of cold air because for some reason Lee Jeno thinks it’s a good idea to get an answer from you by putting his face three inches away from yours. You sink into the mattress. His knuckles dig deep into the white blanket cascading down your sides.

“I can’t believe you’re laughing at his ballsack comment. Y/N, that’s so mean.”

“I— I’m not!” you stammer. Jesus fuck, he’s so close.

Jeno purses his lips and narrows his eyes, scrutinizing. A deep breath slips past you when Jeno finally moves away.

“Move it. I’m getting off,” you hastily announce. Yangyang, whom you’ve honestly forgotten until recently, asks where you’re going and why the hell were you leaving him and if you’re going home already when it’s literally two in the morning and you haven’t bonded enough yet. Jaemin and Jeno’s eyes follow you with the same level of curiosity. “Restroom. Jesus, stop being so dramatic.”

With that, you left through the door and for some fucking reason the floor is wet.

“You have slippers on, right?” Mark greets you upon your exit. “There was, uh, an accident earlier. Don’t take them off.”

You glance down at the now suspiciously shiny floor, and let out a long sigh.

You need a breather. A long one.

THE CHAOS TONED DOWN AT QUARTER TO FIVE IN THE MORNING, but not until after a total of three broken glasses, two trips to the shower because of another accident happening, and one misunderstanding with the boys which led to a very brief fist fight because they all passed out not long after. You could hear everything while you hid in the other room, only getting out when you finally sensed a semblance of peace outside.

Now, you’re sitting in the dark at the dining table with Yangyang, Sunwoo, Renjun, and Chaewon— the poor girl barely conscious after babysitting a grand total of a dozen boys the entirety of the night and morning. She’s using Renjun as a headrest, while the boy (clearly sober) asks you questions about your major and academics and life in general.

You’re sure you’ve shared a total of five words with him prior to this night. You don’t know why you’re telling him all about your college stresses and all the university organizations you’re in.

“Although your acads are the primary thing you’re entering college for, it’s still important to balance it out with extracurriculars. What you’re doing— Y/N, right?”

“Yes, I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N, yes, right,” Renjun nods to himself. You can barely see the outline of his head moving. “What you’re doing is a hundred percent correct, Y/N. Even if it’s difficult to balance everything, there’s always pros and cons.“

You sniffle from the cold, sounding out an agreement while adjusting the jacket you took from Sunwoo. “There are a lot of things you can get from joining orgs that you can’t just attain from sticking your nose solely into your academics. For one, socialization and networking You can mingle with a lot of people from different years and majors if you join them. And of course, you can actually immerse yourself in society, and apply the things you learn from—”

“Yes, exactly!” Renjun slams his palms down the table, causing Chaewon to flinch awake. “Shit, sorry. Go back to sleep, Chae. That’s it.” You lean back against the chair, arms crossed with a small smile curling on your lips. She must have been tired, you think to yourself.

“Hate to interrupt your nerd bonding, but aren’t you guys hungry?”

Sunwoo pipes in, shining his phone screen into your eyes that says 5:17AM. It occurs to you that you are hungry and thirsty, considering the fact that there’s literally no food or water, only alcohol in the hotel room. Yangyang makes a suggestion to go grab something to eat and drink at the nearest 7/11.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll bring her to one of the rooms,” Renjun grunts, lifting up Chaewon’s limp body to the room you were hiding in earlier, right past the bathroom.

“Careful, dude,” Sunwoo calls after him, then turns back to you. “Y/N, you coming?”

“Yup. Let me get a mask and my wallet first.”

You trail after Renjun and Chaewon minutes after, maneuvering yourself in the dark because if you’d turn the lights on, you’re sure to receive an earful of grown men complaining about the brightness. Just as you’re about to pass by the bathroom, the door swings open, shining light into your irises and you bump into someone.

The door closes. Your eyes readjust to the darkness and realize it’s Jeno.

Of course it’s him.

“Oh, crap.”

It’s Lee Jeno with his hair dripping wet wearing nothing but a towel in the dark hallway of the hotel room. There’s a sliver of light slipping through the crack of the bathroom door. It glazes over the droplets of water sprinkled on his chest and you refuse to let your eyes wander lower.

“Didn’t you sleep?”

He asks, voice raspy. Your own vocal cords stop functioning.

“You look tired.”

“I’ll sleep when I get home,” you manage to croak out. “We’re going out. Do you need anything?”

“We’re going out?” Jeno repeats in the same low voice, a small grin playing on his lips. You flush and smack his arm, instantly regretting because he dodged and your palm lands on the middle of his chest. Thank fucking god it’s dark. “Sorry, sorry,” he laughs. “Water, please. And if you’re getting ramen, count me in.”

You grunt in affirmation, sliding past him to retreat into the room at the end of the hall. The door slams shut.

“Whoa, calm down. Chae’s asleep.”

Renjun scolds you as you enter. You ignore him  and throw yourself into the mattress, burying your face in the crumpled up blanket next to Chaewon.

“You okay?” He asks. You grunt in response before he leaves the room.

No. No, you aren’t.

Stupid question when you’re having an existential crisis about an teeny tiny ex-crush that shouldn’t be ruining your life and senses this much had he been a little more sensitive, a little more self aware about the effect he has to all the people around him.

Or maybe that’s just you.

“Y/N! Aren’t you coming?”

Recap.

There’s at least five things you know about Lee Jeno: first, he was and is still insanely hot. No questions there. Second, he still smokes. Third, he switched interests from engineering to nursing. Fourth, he still likes cats and owns three of them now despite being allergic. In addition to all of that, you know he’s a little shameless and he has no qualms about invading your personal space. You also know he’s single.

“Y/N!”

Lastly—

“One moment!”

You know you had a crush on him.

“Took you long enough.”

Sunwoo grumbles the moment you stagger into the dining area, and you see Yangyang and Renjun waiting for you along with Jeno, now fully dressed in a gray hoodie, baseball cap and sweats. He shoots you a grin and wave. “I’m coming with. They need my car.”

You nod absentmindedly.

“Okay.”

Scratch that.

You still have a crush on him.

end. © hannie-dul-set, 2021.

[potatzu]

meow 🐱

[neoculturetravesty]

no one wishes at the snow

Image taken from here.

Pairing: Jaehyun x SingleMother!Reader, Doyoung x Reader Genre: single parent au, fake marriage au, second lead syndrome, angst, romance, one smut scene, some fluff Warnings: 18+, protected sex, oral (male receiving) Word Count: 18k

Summary: Marrying for love was for the fortunate few. Marrying for love happened in fairytales and movies and dramas. Not real life. In real life, everyone married for convenience.

A/N: Would you guys believe it if I told you I’ve been working on this fic since June? I have no idea why it took so long, and perhaps I’ll never truly finish it the way I’d like to. But I just wanted to let it out into the world. Maybe I’ll revisit the story again when the inspiration hits, but for now, I wanted at least one version of it to be out and be free and take life. I hope you guys like it!

Some would call it a marriage of convenience. Others would call it a contract marriage. But you had wondered: weren’t all marriages basically a contract, anyway? What was marriage if not but a contract that could expire or be annulled or be broken? Who really married for love nowadays? Marrying for love was for the fortunate few. Marrying for love happened in fairytales and movies and dramas. Not real life. In real life, everyone married for convenience.

But by any definition of the term, your marriage to Jeong Jaehyun was a marriage of convenience. A contract marriage. Both of you knew what you wanted from it.

You wanted the protection the contract would bring you. Because you weren’t exactly the dim kind. You knew that being a young single mother in this country wouldn’t really open many doors for you. If it was any sign, your parents had been the first one to shut their doors. If your kin was quick to abandon, you couldn’t much rely on the kindness of strangers. Thus, though you had worked hard to survive so far, you had a cunning mind that told you that it was going to be an uphill all your life… unless you did something about it.

Jaehyun just wanted to secure his place in the family business. Because for whatever fucked up reason, his father wanted him to marry. Because old money farts still think that a young man is only capable once he has taken a wife. Otherwise, he is a reckless bachelor that’s going to drink and whore the family fortune away. If he had been just that, he might have actually found a real woman to love and marry. But he’d been too busy working his ass off to have that kind of privilege. 

So you had met through a friend. You had had a series of meetings in which you learnt as much necessary information about one another that would appease Jaehyun’s family and your very small collection of friends. Though no one on either side was fooled, and though everyone could see the imbalances in this union, you supposed you had done a good enough job because a few weeks later, the papers were signed and you had moved into his apartment with your son in tow.

And your ‘marriage’ had begun.

The apartment wasn’t small by any means. It was as decent a two room space as you’d ever seen and it had a sizable living room as the main common area. You liked that the kitchen opened into a little terrace that made the apartment look bright from the natural light. It was comfortable and homey and in a world where nothing felt like home, this was all you could’ve asked for. However, a part of you recognized that as comfortable as this place was, it still didn’t have the luxury fit for a young heir. Perhaps because this particular heir hadn’t inherited the fortune in question yet. It was still better than any place that you had ever lived in, so you never had much to complain about.

Jaehyun lived quietly in his room. He left early in the morning and came late into the night and your only run-ins (if any) would be on the weekends. Otherwise, Jaehyun was good at making himself invisible, even in his own home.

You would live comfortably in your room with your son. While you had pretty much converted your space into a child’s room, you had been a little more respectful of your common areas and avoided visiting them much if you could help it. Your son didn’t mind… your room was already bigger than any place he’d lived in before. It was okay if he couldn’t spend much time in the living room.

You and your son lived your lives, Jaehyun lived his. You did your part of the cleaning, he did his part. You cooked for your son and yourself, Jaehyun cooked for himself (if ordering takeout counted as cooking). You shared the bills, and you paid your bit of the rent. You hardly even ran into one another, and that’s how you liked it. Both of you would stay clear of one another’s path.

But one Saturday morning, your son had woken you early so you had no choice but to get up and make pancakes. Jaehyun usually slept in on a Saturday, so you knew the coast would be clear when you made it to the kitchen. You brought the high chair out of your room and sat your son on it as you cooked and laid out a lovely weekend breakfast for the two of you on the table on the terrace. But maybe you had been too loud whilst cooking. Maybe your son had giggled too much. Maybe the delicious smell of your cooking had flooded the apartment, because right before you could start eating, you looked up to see Jaehyun stepping into the kitchen.

Wearing a white t-shirt, grey joggers and with bed hair sticking out at odd angles, he stood at the sliding door and said, “Oh, sorry. You guys are having breakfast…”

You looked up, “Uh yeah…” you began, “Do you wanna join?” you added, only to be polite because the man’s eyes were fixated on the food.

Jaehyun looked at the spread on the table and you smiled as he swallowed. It didn’t look like the face of a man that would willingly turn down the offer of a meal. “I’ve made way too much, so please,” you added.

“Oh… thank you. I like… I didn’t have time for dinner last night, so…” he said apologetically as he took a seat on the table. 

Since you had moved in, this was the first time that you had sat together like this for a meal. You were surprised he actually accepted the offer. It should’ve felt awkward, but strangely, Jaehyun felt like more of a friendly presence than most of the people in your life. From him, there were never any judgements or intrusive comments about your choices or your failures or your parenting. The two of you could comfortably coexist without the burden of any sort of a relationship (other than the fact that you were married).

The three of you sat in comfortable silence that would only break when Minki would drop his fork or throw a tiny toddler tantrum asking for more syrup and some of your rice. Jaehyun ate heartily and observed you smiling as you alternated between feeding Minki and yourself.

He cleared his throat, “Um, how come… how come I’ve never seen his baby chair before?”

“Hmm? Oh… I usually take it back to the room in case I need it,” you replied as Minki grabbed your wrist to eat a syrup covered strawberry out of your hand.

“Doesn’t he… like… don’t you keep any of his things in the living room?” Jaehyun asked carefully yet curiously.

“Um… there are too many sharp edges and open sockets around… so I usually don’t let him out here unless it’s like this, to eat,” you explained.

“Oh… right…” Jaehyun nodded, looking back to his plate. He finished the last of his breakfast in silence and looked up. Strangely, in this moment, he felt like he should pay for this meal. Like now that he had eaten, he should ask for the check. The two of you never asked each other for favors; even if it were just a meal. All your accounts were even, down to the slightest of things. You were like two distant roommates, who weren’t held together by a marriage, just cohabitation. 

“Uh…” he looked up, thinking of what to say to take his leave. Maybe he could stock up on the groceries he consumed, but saying it out loud seemed a little inappropriate. So, he went for a politer option, “... thanks for the breakfast. I’m going to head out for the day.” 

You politely nodded and turned back to attending to your son. It was an odd sign off, because unless it directly affected the other, the two of you never had any reason to share your day’s plans like this. But as you would learn, Jeong Jaehyun was full of surprises. Because when you came home from work on Monday evening, you saw that the entire living room had been toddler proofed and a brand new bolster chair sat at the head of the breakfast table for Minki.

You hadn’t meant to iron his shirt for him. But you had run into him in the little laundry area of your apartment and you saw him struggling. 

“Um… do you need a hand?” you asked hesitantly, hoping you weren’t stepping over any boundaries.

“Oh… uh, no, I think I’ll be fine. I’ll just be done in a minute…” he mumbled, trying to touch the edges of the iron onto a bit of the sleeve and effectively burning it. “Shit…” 

You set Minki’s clothes down and became a little bolder in your offer of help. “The setting is too high for polyester,” you offered.

“I tried lowering it,” he answered dejectedly.

“Here, let me do it,” you held your hand out and he looked up.

“I can do it…” he muttered half-heartedly, so you just took the damn shirt from him and stepped in to lower the heat on the iron. You reached under and grabbed yourself a pressing cloth and placed it over it and got to work whilst he stood there, a little bashful and a little awkward.

“Uh… did you come here to do laundry?” he asked as he looked at the clothes you had set down.

“Yeah, I just had some of Minki’s things left to wash,” you replied as you pressed over the tricky fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt.

“I’ll wash them for you,” he replied with purpose and grabbed the clothes and headed for the washer, thinking this would call it even.

“Oh, no, no… you don’t have to do it,” you began, talking to him over your shoulder, “And no, no, no, not in the machine, please. I hand wash his clothes. It’s easier on the fabric,” you tried to tell him to get him to stop.

“Oh… okay… I’ll hand wash them,” he nodded and began to soak the clothes in the sink.

You felt a bit uneasy. You weren’t sure if you were comfortable with the favor or not. You had never allowed anyone to interfere in your business. But Minki’s? No one in this damn world could step in and interfere in his business, not if you could help it. As far as you were concerned, it was you and Minki against the world.

But they were just clothes. You had overstepped a boundary when you grabbed the iron from him. And he was only trying to return the favor because that’s how the two of you worked. There were no favors and no IOUs in this equation. So you flipped around almost instantly and pressed his freshly ironed shirt into his chest.

“Here, all done. Let me do this, because you have to use a different detergent and different water temperatures for baby clothes,” you didn’t look at him and took over the sink almost too quickly. But your tone had done enough to tell Jaehyun to back off and take his leave.

“Um… thanks for the help…” he said before he started walking away. If he had learnt anything from this encounter, it was that you didn’t appreciate help when it came to Minki. It set another invisible boundary amongst the many you two had for each other. But if Jaehyun were being truly honest with himself, this one broke his heart. Just a little.

Your workplace wasn’t exactly the fanciest of establishments. But it paid on time (which in your experience was a pretty important factor to be considered) and your coworkers were nice enough. Considering all the other jobs you had to do before, this one wasn’t too bad. Speaking multiple languages had its advantages, but being a translator was mundane and you spent most of your time in front of a computer. The biggest downside in this place, however, was that the office did not have an on-site daycare. Whilst you met up with HR on a weekly basis, begging them to start something that could help, you were also pretty sure that nothing would happen soon because starting an onsite daycare required spending some money and as of right now, you were the only employee with a toddler. Your only choice was to leave Minki in the daycare down the block. It was the nearest one you could find--but it ate up more of your paycheck than you could afford. 

You had considered getting another job to make ends meet, but the longer you would work, the more money you’d have to pay the daycare. You looked for some work-from-home options and found some and you thought that things would start to look up soon. But then you received your actual paycheck, marked down a percentage because the Covid situation wasn’t kind to anyone, and all you could do was sit at your desk, head in hand.

“How the fuck am I supposed to pay rent this month?” you lamented as dread filled your body.

“I’m sure your husband could give you some leeway this time,” your coworker, Doyoung, cocked an eyebrow. If anyone had the slightest inkling about your situation, it was him. He had found out by accident and had been kind enough never to bring it up. But you had almost been relieved that there was someone in this world with whom you could have a true conversation and the poor guy had begrudgingly become your confidant.

You sighed heavily and felt your eyelids droop as they sometimes would in times of stress. Doyoung saw the anxiety physically weighing you down and took pity on you.

“Hey, you could borrow some money from me,” he offered.

“Doyoung, your own paycheck has been marked down,” you nearly yelled at him in misplaced agitation.

“Yeah, but I don’t have a kid to look after,” he retorted logically.

You sighed again, but gave his offer an actual thought. If you borrowed from him now, you’d have to return it. Who was to say you’d earn that amount of extra money this month or the next to pay him back? This was a bad idea.

“I’ll just… let me think about it, okay?” you sighed yet again and realized that you just needed to get some fresh air.

“Okay, but Y/N… try not to stress too much, okay? You can borrow from me and return like, whenever. It’s not a big deal,” he added empathetically as you got up.

“Yeah…” was all you could offer him because your mind was still busy budgeting and crunching numbers and planning.

You mind ran a million miles an hour as you picked Minki up and took him home. You kept thinking about it as you fed him and bathed him and put him to bed. And later, you couldn’t even sleep because your mind was way too active and all you wanted was for it to be morning time so you could get about finding some more work. When you tried and sleep still didn’t come, you got out of bed and took your laptop out in the living room and started to put some rhyme and reason to your thoughts. You made a budgeting sheet and saw how much of a deficit you were in. Once you had everything down, your mind calmed just a little. The difference wasn’t massive. You even had part of your rent. But you lived paycheck to paycheck. You weren’t like those fortunate ones that could tap into their savings when a problem like this arose. Maybe you could find some work to do online to earn some extra cash and make up the difference next month. You weren’t sure how Jaehyun would react to such a request. You weren’t even sure he’d honor it. But you sat in the living room anyway, waiting for him to come home. You thought about what you’d say to him as you searched about for any and all odd jobs you could do from home.

And soon as you heard the telltale signs of the apartment door being unlocked, you shot up to your feet.

“You’re home,” you remarked and realized in the same moment how everything about this may look and seem. But your night was about to be completely sleepless if you didn’t get to have this conversation now.

“Um… yes… I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” Jaehyun walked in carefully, like an intruder in his own home.

“Oh, no, I was just, um… I was waiting for you,” you said and saw the surprise in his tired eyes. The man wasn’t expecting to come home to something like this, that was for certain. You were usually in bed by this time, and Jaehyun typically dined on takeout or at least cracked open a beer before he went to bed. But you, still up, waiting on him? That was new.

“Oh… did you… did you want something?” he asked.

“Yeah, um… the thing is, um… do you wanna sit down?” you at least had the decency to ask because the poor man had literally just stepped in. He hadn’t even had the chance to take his shoes off before you had caught him off guard. So he nodded and did just that, although undoing one’s shoelaces seems more complicated a task when there is an audience. You had the good sense to look away when you saw his fingers lose their dexterity under your scrutiny. You used that time to take a few deep breaths instead. 

He sat down then, his expression confused and waiting, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s okay, it’s just, um… my… my paycheck came today…” you began, taking a moment to think to formulate your next thoughts.

“Okay… that’s… that’s good…” was all Jaehyun could answer.

“Um… because of… because of Covid… it was a little marked down. So, like…” you took another deep breath and centered yourself so you could be a little more eloquent, “... basically, I’m a little behind on rent this month. I can pay two-thirds of it right now. But I’ve found some work and I’ll be able to pay you back the difference with next month’s rent. I just wanted to ask if I could do that. If not, I’ll have to take a loan from a friend, but I just thought to ask you before I… did that…” you finished, losing steam a little bit towards the end as you studied his face.

Jaehyun heard your words and tried to ground himself and really think about how he’d reply. Because truth be told, he was a little bit drunk. His father had asked him to take a foreign delegation out for dinner and he had downed a couple of drinks too many. He wasn’t hammered, but he wasn’t completely sober either. What you had told him seemed to be bothering you, and Jaehyun didn’t want to be the asshole that said the absolute worst thing in times like these. So he thought about his words through the haze that was slowing everything down for him.

Except you didn’t know he was drunk. All you saw was a man that was lost in thought. You felt your heart sinking and your pride swelling, so you said,

“I’ll just--”

At the same time he said, 

“You don’t--”

There was a beat of silence in which you took another deep breath so your face wouldn’t harden to the point of impoliteness. But Jaehyun spoke again,

“You don’t have to make up the difference.”

“Oh, no, I will. It’s just this month. I will make up the difference,” you pressed.

But Jaehyun looked at you and waited a moment before he spoke carefully, “Did your boss say how long the cuts in paycheck would last?”

“I…” you began because you hadn’t actually asked. You had been too stressed about the right now to think too much about the future. “I didn’t ask.”

“Most companies are struggling in this climate. This might keep happening for the next few months,” Jaehyun explained, but before he could elaborate, you stubbornly added,

“I’ll look for another job till then so it won’t happen again. I’ll pay full rent on time from next month, I promise.”

“Yes, but if you get another job, you’ll have to pay more for Minki’s daycare, won’t you?” Jaehyun tried to reason. But the more he reasoned, the angrier it made you because of course you knew all of this, but didn’t want to hear it. Especially not from his mouth, and especially when it came to Minki’s expenses. Who the fuck was he to speculate about the money you did or didn’t spend on your son?

“You don’t have to worry about that. All I’m asking for is a little margin for this month,” you said and you tried to clip your curt tone, because annoyed as you were, you were asking him a favor.

Jaehyun thought about how he was going to make his next offer. He knew you were a woman of pride. He knew you weren’t good at accepting help or any sort of a freehand. So he thought of how to offer help in a way that would make it sound suitable for you. Where you wouldn’t feel burdened by goodwill. But the alcohol in his brain was making it so damn hard to think right.

“Y/N… you don’t have to pay the rent…” he began stupidly.

“I can, just like, two-thirds--” you repeated stubbornly but Jaehyun cut you off because you weren’t getting the point.

“No, I mean… you don’t have to pay me rent while we’re… while we’re under this contract,” he finally laid it out.

“Jaehyun, look… this is just an inconvenience this month. I don’t need like…” you looked away to steady yourself so you wouldn’t raise your voice. You knew he was only trying to help, but you didn’t need anyone’s pity or charity, “... I don’t need your help.”

Jaehyun sat up straight, but instead of taking offense, he tried to choose what he thought was the logical route. “Look, Y/N. I’m not trying to help you. I’m just saying that the both of us wanted some benefits from this marriage. This is my apartment. You living in it isn’t incurring any extra expense on me. Also, we don’t have anything in the contract about rent,” he reasoned.

“Jaehyun. I don’t want to be in your debt,” and this time, you couldn’t hold back the venom in your tone. That made Jaehyun sober up some. And his eyes turned colder, too.

“You won’t be in my debt. Our marriage has to be mutually beneficial, Y/N. You don’t have to pay the rent. But in return…”

“In return?” 

“You’ll have to come with me to the investors dinner. They’ve been wanting to meet my wife,” he looked at you and the ice in his eyes matched yours. You didn’t want his kindness, so be it. He was going to play tit-for-tat. You asked for a favor and he would ask for a favor in return. No debts and no IOUs.

You looked away and considered it. It felt vile. It felt perverse. It felt like you were being asked to offer a service in exchange for a roof over your head. Like an escort, a woman for hire.

But you weren’t Jaehyun’s escort. For all intents and purposes, you were his wife. And from the onset of this union, you had agreed to accompany him anywhere he’d be required to bring his wife to save face. He had promised the same for you, though places you required a husband were far different (town halls and tax offices were definitely not the same as investor parties). 

‘Think about your child, Y/N,’ your right mind pleaded at you, fighting with your pride. ‘Think about all the money you could save for him. For Minki,’ and right away, the ice in your stature began to melt. Why hold onto stupid pride when this was your reality? You were a single mother, you were struggling financially, and your husband was giving you a way out. 

“Let me know when,” you said shortly and went straight to your room, leaving him behind.

That night as you laid in bed, watching Minki’s tiny silhouette in the dark, you cried hot tears into your pillow. You had never thought life would bring you here. You never thought that this is what you would have to do to survive. Why did you feel like you were about to sell your body to a rich man just so you wouldn’t have to spend the nights on the streets with your child? Why didn’t you feel like a respectable wife of a respectable man in a respectable situation?

Because he wasn’t your true husband and you weren’t his true wife and this wasn't a true circumstance. You had just signed some papers that had given you the title of someone’s wife. You had simply escaped the title of an escort based on a technicality. And that awful realization broke you that night.

Jaehyun had the good sense to not comment on how you looked that evening. 

Even when you had stood at the door, waiting to leave, done up all pretty, he knew better than to say something. These days, he wasn’t sure what he’d say to offend you. So he spoke only when absolutely necessary. The fact that you looked beautiful wasn’t going to change that. 

These days, he would try to be as invisible to you as possible, in his own home. You weren’t too fond of him as a companion, that much he had always known. What he didn’t expect was the relationship to sour with age, at least from your side. Then again, you had much more to protect than he did. The least he could do was stay out of your way, if his very presence brought you discomfort.

What he didn’t know was that in the past few days, you had done some repentance. Why were you so prideful, you had wondered. Was it because your pride had been hurt so many times that you were holding onto what was left of it with all you had? Your luck was awful, this arrangement was awful and the situation was awful; but one thing you had realized was that Jaehyun didn’t deserve to be at the receiving end of your wrath. He had never been the one to put you in tough situations. He had always been your way out. Perhaps that’s what hurt your pride the most.

You don’t really remember how you had arrived at this conclusion. Because in the past few days, your emotions had cycled between being increasingly annoyed at him to increasingly feeling embarrassed for lashing out at him that night. The fact that your hormones were raging out of control these days had nothing to do with it. But you had realized that Jaehyun was perhaps one of the few people offering you any type of kindness in this world; and you’d be an idiot to get on this man’s bad side.

So tonight, you tried extra hard to be nice to him. And by the time you were at the dinner, you didn’t have to try that hard. It was nice to have a night out, without work, and without Minki. Earlier in the day, Jaehyun had even given you the option to pick between a few babysitters. He had found them a couple of days ago and despite your stupid pride telling you otherwise, you had been a little impressed. And that feeling had swollen when he meekly told you,

“I, uh… I installed nanny cams around the house. If you give me your phone, I’ll be able to connect them to you so you’d be able to check in on Minki whenever.”

You had given him your phone and when your mind was inwardly appreciating the gesture, you pulled yourself together and asked your brain for a hard stop. ‘You have no reason to be impressed. We wouldn’t need a babysitter if it weren’t for his party,’ you told yourself. But the hard stop didn’t come and you ended up being moved, despite your better judgement. 

And now you were left admitting that you indeed needed a night off. You don’t remember the last time you had dressed up or gone out without Minki in your arms. It was strange to sit and eat the food and actually taste it. Not even the judgmental gazes of the people around you fazed you that much. Because the questions they asked, you had already foreseen.

“So how did you guys meet?” you were inevitably asked. You and Jaehyun had revised this in the car several times on your way here.

“Oh, a friend introduced us,” you replied, and there was truth in what you had said. Johnny Suh had indeed introduced you, though you’re sure he had expected a more traditional outcome from the meeting--that you’d date and fall in love. This strange contract of convenience may not have been on his mind when he matched the two of you.

But you held onto this story whenever you got the question and for the most part, you got through it, even if your traitor eyes kept darting across the space in search of Jaehyun because you weren’t sure you were providing answers that were the right sort of correct. And when he did rejoin you by your side, you felt an odd sense of comfort. How ironic it was that in the privacy of your home, you lived like strangers. But out here in the open, you gravitated towards one another. Perhaps because your lies protected you when you harbored next to one another.

Be as it may, it wouldn’t take a mindreader to tell you what most people in this party thought of you: you were a gold-digger. You were the woman with a child that had bagged a pretty eligible bachelor. You weren’t of a notable background, you didn’t have that fancy a job; just a girl that had shot above her grade and gotten lucky when the shot hit bullseye.

For some reason, this assessment (though no one had been brave enough to voice it) irked you. Because your marriage to Jaehyun might have had several ulterior motives, but his gold had never been one of them. Ironically, it was the other way round--Jaehyun’s marriage to you was to help him secure his fortune. But of course, these people weren’t going to question the young heir. A young single mother without a penny to her name was the more likely suspect.

That was when you found yourself being impressed by Jaehyun for the second time today. Because he artfully switched the narrative anytime the questions got too intrusive, saying 

“Honestly, I’m so lucky Y/N even gave me a chance,” or some iteration of this humble statement that made it seem like he had pursued you rather than the other way round as was on everyone’s mind. Not for a single moment did he allow anyone to question your integrity or your motive or your dignity. He wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly why each power hungry asshole in this room wanted to question you. But he utterly surprised you when he pressed a kiss to your cheek and said,

“I just feel so blessed. I can’t believe I have a little family of my own now.”

You knew it was for their benefit. You knew this was all part of the act. But perhaps you hadn’t been this close to a man in ages, because the gesture made your stomach do a flip and your skin burn.

‘Pull yourself together!’ you mentally berated yourself. But your body betrayed you, even as the two of you made the drive home. This time, you felt Jaehyun’s presence next you in an almost chemical sense. You felt the scent of him heavy in the car. You felt the heat of him as you stood behind him when he unlocked the apartment door and paid off the babysitter. 

And you realized. He was a man. The person you lived with under the ruse of a marriage… he was a man. And you were a woman.

Truth be told, you hadn’t been with a man since Minki’s father. But you were a woman. And Jaehyun was a man. And your hormones had been raging. 

What difference did it make? You were married, anyway. What difference would it make if you just…

If you just what? What would you even do? What would you even say? You had spent most of your marriage pretending he didn’t exist. And this had amplified in the past week after you’d lashed out on him. So, how on earth were you going to bring this up?

Were you honestly considering sleeping with the man you’d near-insulted in his own home? You were right. You were horny out of your right mind. You just needed to take a cold shower and call it a night.

“I’ve been thinking…” Jaehyun’s deep voice reverberated in the air between the two of you and broke through your lewd thoughts.

“Hmm?” 

“Umm… the thing is… I’ve been going through our contract…” you notice Jaehyun shuffling his feet a little.

“Oh?”

“Yeah… just for, like… just to review some things, and… I was just like… looking at some cases and… I just think, legally speaking, that our contract--our… our marriage has some loopholes. I just mean that there could be a time where someone might… although I don’t know how they would, but someone could… you know, there's always people looking in. And like, a contract is only as strong as the details, and someone could question… although, I don’t really know how, but I think we should do something about it,” by the time Jaehyun finished, his ears were burnt a bright red, like he was embarrassed at how poorly he had communicated what he wanted to say. Nothing he said made sense.

But you weren’t an idiot. You knew exactly what he was saying. Your body knew what he was saying. The heat in your core knew what he was saying. Perhaps your pride is the one that spoke, because it wasn’t prepared for the consequences of being wrong.

“I’m not following…” you played tactfully dumb.

“I just mean… our marriage is voidable, because… because well… it… we’ve got to,” Jaehyun looked away, the rest of his face burning with his ears, “Nevermind. We can discuss this in the morning.”

But you didn’t want to wait for the clarity that morning would bring. You didn’t want to wake up and realize how awful an idea this was. You didn’t want the endorphin rush the night out together had brought in to disappear and put you in your right mind. You were a woman and he was a man. And you both wanted sex. So just as he turned away, you grabbed his hand.

“Do you have a condom?”

“Yes, in my medicine cabinet,” Jaehyun replied, too quickly, too eagerly. You almost smiled at his reaction, but decided to nod your head instead. 

“I’ll see you in twenty minutes?” 

“Yes… yes, please… take your time,” Jaehyun answered and respectfully waited till you went in and closed the door to your room. 

Your heart was racing. You allowed yourself to lose your composure for a few moments just to pull yourself together again. You held a hand to your heart to help you breathe. This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea. But there would never be a better time, or a better opportunity. You didn’t have work in the morning. Your son was fast asleep. Your chores were complete. Your bills were paid.

But most of all, you were a woman in need and he was a willing man. He was a safe man, a man whom--despite your strange arrangement--you could trust. He was a decent enough person, he had never disrespected you, and the two of you were in the safety of your own home. In the grand scheme of things, this was all that was required of a prospective sexual partner. It’s not like you could curb your hunger in other ways. You hadn’t dated in three years. You weren’t brave enough for one night stands with strangers. This was as safe a risk as you could take.

Before you knew it, your body had made up your mind because you were headed to the bathroom. You needed to wash up. Thank God you had just shaved this morning. You ran a washcloth under your arms and between your legs and nearly burnt your face off half to death when you opened your underwear drawer and realized that Jeong Jaehyun was going to see you in one of them. You picked a relatively safe one. Not that you had sexy lingerie anyway. But you put it on with your face still burning hot and a nightie over it and a dressing gown over that. 

‘This is happening,’ you said to yourself as you swiped a fresh coat of tint over your lips. By the time you went out and knocked on his door, your heart had calmed some. This was a need, just like food or water or air. You were a woman, and you just had a need. There was nothing wrong with having a need.

Jaehyun opened the door then with an awkward “Hi,” and let you into his room. He closed the door.

You had only seen his room once or twice, and you could tell that in the time you were washing up, he was cleaning up. He had lit a single scented candle (probably the only one he owned) and laid out a bottle of something with a couple of shot glasses.

“I thought… just in case we needed some courage,” he said, carefully pouring the drinks out. He held the glass out for you and you gladly accepted it, downing whatever it was in one go. And it did the trick because you cut off Jaehyun in the middle of his sentence and captured his lips with yours. You needed less talking and more action, because you were convinced all the talking was going to make you change your mind.

And Jaehyun put his arms around your shoulders because he’d just been meaning to ask you how you wanted to go about this. Whether he could even kiss you, or whether it was off limits. He doesn’t know why that had occurred to him. But nothing about the two of you was traditional. You were married, but you weren’t a couple. You lived together, but separately. You were in one another’s lives, but you were not. So, who was to say if you wanted the sex, but not the kissing? 

But here you were, and you had taken the lead. It had always been your choice. It was always going to be your choice. Jaehyun knew you were always going to set the boundaries in this relationship. And you were going to set the pace tonight.

And set it you did. You kissed him while the alcohol ran in your veins and added fuel to your desire. You smelt the aftershave on him. You inhaled the cologne on his neck. Then you stepped away and turned your back to him. For a moment, he wondered if you had thought better of it and were leaving. Then he saw you pull at the tie at your nightgown and flip the lights off and turn back to him, just in time for Jaehyun to catch sight of the satin against your delicate skin. 

You wondered if you needed another shot, but this was okay. He was letting you set the pace. You felt in control of the situation. This you could manage. You didn’t need the alcohol. So, you pulled him in by the back of his neck and kissed him again. You stood on your tiptoes and kissed him till you believed, truly believed that this was happening.

“You have the condom?” you breathed out and Jaehyun stuttered a bit, taken aback that it had come to this so quick. He felt something he had experienced as a child when he had to speak into a microphone in front of the entire school. It was stage fright. It was performance anxiety. Because he wasn’t sure if he could perform his best tonight--it had been far too long since he had done this sort of thing.

“Uh, yeah, it’s right there…” he pointed to the nightstand next to the drinks.

“Okay… do you need some help?” you looked down at his crotch almost inconsiderately and he felt his ears burn. 

“Uh, just… give me a moment…” he muttered, and now it was his turn to turn his back to you. He unzipped himself quickly and tried to pump his semi to full hardness. He tried to hold back the grunts, but he felt your presence behind him. You had found the lube on the nightstand and had slicked your palm with it.

“Here, let me…” you said and took him in your hand and Jaehyun didn’t have much time to react. He closed his eyes and his head fell back of its own accord and he bit his bottom lip just to suppress the keen he knew he’d let out.

Fuck, he didn't remember the last time a girl had touched him this way. This was much, much sweeter than his own left hand that had been his only companion for way too long.

“Here, sit down,” you offered and he nodded. You both sat at the edge of the bed; your face was focused as you worked on him, pumping him with purpose. Pumping him for a function. And then, what you did next took him utterly by surprise and he didn’t have time to bite back the trembling moan that escaped him. Because you had taken him in your mouth at the tip while your hand pumped the rest of him.

You hadn’t meant to blow him. You had decided you wouldn’t do that when you had come in. But he looked like he needed help. Maybe he needed more time to ward off the nerves and get hard enough, but the selfish part of you wanted to keep things rolling. Perhaps you wanted to keep things as functionally motivated as possible. Like this union. Like what had brought you to his bed in the first place. A primal need, and a voidable contract.

For what it’s worth, he looked like he was enjoying himself. Because he wasn’t stopping you, and he was moaning out. What man wouldn’t enjoy being sucked? You were doing him a favor. 

When he looked and felt hard enough, you stood up to rid yourself of the gown, and he sat up to regain his breath. He held his cock at the base for some respite and pressed his lips together to suppress the groan that would escape at seeing your lipstick stain around his leaking tip. How did you want to do this, he wanted to ask, but his mind was eased because the next thing you said was,

“Can I be on top? I just think it might be easier.”

“Yes… yes, of course. Um… do you mind if I… um, scoot up a bit?” Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he’d do with himself if you rode him just like that, seated at the edge of the bed. He wasn’t sure he’d last. He needed to sit back and relax himself. 

“Yeah, good idea,” you muttered and climbed in his bed with him. 

This was it. The point of no return. There was no going back from here. Maybe you should’ve taken that shot. But now Jaehyun was sitting back against the headboard and his cock was laying heavy against his belly, staining his shirt in precum, and you’re not sure you could resist. So you joined him and lifted his shirt over his head. 

He was more built than you realized, and you let your mind focus on that to chase away the nerves. He was a man. He wasn’t just your flatmate or contractual husband. Right now, he was a man with an aching cock and a chiseled chest. You’d never known a man to willingly turn down sex. You weren’t being selfish in your need. You could tell he needed this, too, gentlemanly as he was being.

You handed him the foil and he took it, as if remembering this was something that had to be done. Or had he expected you to cover him? You weren’t sure. But you needed him distracted so you could rid yourself of the underwear under your nightie. And when all was set, you straddled his lap. You held his length. You gripped at the sheet. You gasped. And you tried.

Jaehyun, who had his eyes shut in preparation, heard the effort in your gasps.

“Do you need help?” he offered, sitting up and almost reaching with his fingers to your core but you stopped him.

“No, it’s just… it’s been a while. Just let me…” you reached a hand under your nightie and rubbed yourself some, careful not to moan too much. Not to let yourself go too much. 

“I can…” Jaehyun reached again, wondering if his touch would work on you like yours had worked on him. But you weren't as generous as he had been.

“No, I got this. Just hold on,” you grabbed his length and rubbed his tip along your slit, as if to appease him, as if to show him that you were taking his help well enough. Jaehyun held himself at the base with one hand and placed his other hand respectfully at your waist, to offer any sort of help he was allowed. Then he finally felt your warmth on him as you began to open up to him. 

You couldn’t help it. You brought your hands to his shoulders and he brought his hands to the curve of your hips. You couldn’t hold back the first few gasps, but neither could he. Here you were, two people who hadn’t known intimacy in much too long. Two people that were married to one another, no less. Rusty and struggling, but finally making it.

Jaehyun’s eyes squeezed shut again and he tried his best not to move. To let you set the pace. But you were so fucking tight. Your warmth was making him feel things his hand could not. How amazing it was, being this close to an actual woman. He didn’t realize when his fingers started digging into the flesh of your hips or when you started moving on him faster.

You were gasping shorter, and Jaehyun opened his eyes, just to take it in. Your eyes were closed, your lips parted. You were moving your hips on him so sensually that for a moment, Jaehyun was pretty sure he was going to come right there and then. How amazing it was to see you in this way. It was strange; Jaehyun felt like a peeping Tom, though he was just as part of the act as you were. Then why did looking at you on top of him feel so perverse?

You felt good. It was nice to feel like a woman. To acknowledge you had a sexual appetite. And to have the hunger be quenched in a primal way. To do it in a safe space, with a safe man, with no consequences. It wasn’t a crime to sleep with your husband. What was marriage if not sex and a contract? This was fine.

“I’m just gonna…” you slowed your pace a bit just to rub your fingers on your clit. You needed to get off because you could feel Jaehyun coming to the brink. 

“Do you want me to…” Jaehyun asked, and as if on instinct, you almost turned him down once again. But you needed more. You needed the touch of a man just as much you needed his cock, no matter how much you were denying it. You nodded so you wouldn’t have to admit it in words and Jaehyun brought his thumb to your nub and rubbed.

That did it.

You trembled and held his shoulders in your grip and released yourself. You felt the pleasure coursing through your belly, and if you smiled through the orgasm, you didn’t stop yourself. It felt nice, to finally feel euphoria in this way.

It didn’t help Jaehyun that he felt your wetness coating him.

“I’m gonna come,” he warned so you’d get off of him and he could pump himself in his hand and empty himself into the wrapper. You watched his seed cloud the thin skin of the condom and you felt another curious need in your belly. But you looked away and let him finish.

The two of you sat there for a few moments, just to thin out the dense haze of sex in your beings.

‘So that happened,’ you thought to yourself. You turned to sit at the edge of the bed and slipped your underwear back on and heard Jaehyun zip himself back up.

What now, you wondered. Do you cuddle? Do you kiss goodbye? Do you thank one another? None of it made sense.

“If you want to--” he began.

“I should--” you harmonized.

Then you got up. 

“I should shower and go to bed,” you spoke.

“Alright,” Jaehyun said gently, then got out of bed, almost as if to see you out. “Let me know if you need anything,” he said, though he didn’t know what he meant by that. It felt wrong to just let you go like that, so unceremoniously. You had just had sex for the first time. Surely, there was something he could do to put you at ease?

“Good night,” was all you said as you took your leave. And perhaps the only thing he could do to put you at ease in this moment was to leave you alone.

It’s not that simple. It is never that simple.

Perhaps it’s why the two of you started consummating your marriage more often than you realized. It couldn’t possibly have been as simple as a one-off. 

After that night, the two of you had been far too disappointed in how you had performed. You tried not to be too irrationally upset at yourself. Neither of you had been intimate with another person in far too long… being as rusty as you were would almost be expected. So, perhaps you both wanted a chance at redemption, and thus you found one another again. 

As it turned out, practice did indeed make perfect. Because your next few times were much less awkward than that painstaking first time. The next few times started to feel more natural as your bodies started to learn more about one another and you discovered what the other liked and disliked. You have no idea how you had come to this place in your dynamic, where you were finding yourself in his bed over and over again. But who were you kidding? You were usually the one to instigate this conversation each time. Waiting for him to return home from work and then following him to his bed. Texting him in the middle of the night to ask if he was still awake and then knocking on his door when he would say that he was. 

Now, Jaehyun wasn’t just providing you a roof over your head, or the protection that came from this marriage. He also provided sex when you had the need. Jaehyun had never turned down any request you had made before. And he was hard pressed not to turn down any request you made of him now, though the nature of your requests was becoming consequentially more unspeakable. Still, he never denied you and invited you to his bed every time you asked till the most carnal parts of you were satisfied.

One night, you had felt so spent that you collapsed on his chest and didn’t realize that you had knocked right off till the sound of Minki’s crying in the next room woke you up. You had never spent the night in his bed before that, and you were careful not to since then. But it happened on yet another night and you were woken up in exactly the same manner, only this time, Jaehyun whispered,

“I’ll check on him. You keep sleeping,” and shot up. You’d been so goddamn tired that night, that you allowed yourself to make this mistake, at least for one night. You allowed Jaehyun to check on your son while you got uninterrupted sleep, and uninterrupted sleep is often the greatest favor one can offer a young mother. 

And that was the night Jaehyun realized that you were starting to trust him just a little more. Because you had never let him help out with your son before. As he picked Minki up and the boy easily laid his head on his shoulder, Jaehyun felt the sort of warmth he had always craved his entire life. Was this what it felt like to be a father? To be a husband? He wasn’t sure, but he never wanted to let this feeling go.

He softly paced and rubbed the little boy’s back till he went back to sleep. For the first time in his entire life, Jaehyun finally felt like he had a family. He tucked Minki in and went back to lay next to your sleeping form. He moved a strand of hair away from your face, just so he could look at you. You were his family. You and Minki. Jaehyun vowed to protect the both of you in heart, not just in contract. 

But that’s what it was, after all. A contract marriage. Because a few days later, you came up to him with a request he hadn’t expected. 

“Could I have the number of the babysitter you called that day?” you asked.

“Sure, I’ll text it to you. Why do you need a babysitter?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure if he was out of line in asking the question.

“Um, I… I’m going out for a drink tonight,” you replied.

“On your own?” Jaehyun asked out of curiosity. It was the most intrusive conversation he had had with you, ever. 

“No, with Doyoung from work.”

Jaehyun didn’t ask any further questions after that. 

He had been right. It was always going to be your choice. You may live together. You may be married by law. You might have sex from time to time. But in your equation, it was still not enough to make you a couple. Because you still hadn’t decided if you were a couple let alone made that request of him. And Jaehyun had never turned down any request you had ever made.

It wasn’t exactly the first time you and Doyoung had grabbed a drink after work. It was just the first time you had done so on a weekend, where it was just the two of you. He had asked, and you had no idea why you had said yes. Perhaps because you were an awful person. Because you knew saying yes would lead him on, but you did so anyway just so you could have a break from your life.

You were developing a wonderful knack for using the people around you. It had started with Jaehyun and when you experienced how good it felt, it escalated to everyone around you. You saw what men wanted from you and you began to weaponize your sexuality. You used Jaheyun’s loneliness against him to get what you wanted--sex or anything else. And you used Doyoung’s crush on you against him to give yourself a few hours of respite. 

In a fucked up way, you had justified your use of these men. Because you were just giving them what they really wanted, and they were pretty selfish in those needs, too. Doyoung pretended to be your friend, but he clearly had deeper expectations despite knowing your situation. He couldn’t possibly be nice to you out of the kindness of his heart. No man offered kindness to a woman without wanting something in return. Saying yes to his date was just going to bring you a welcome change of pace. And in return, he’d also get what he wanted.

He had taken you to a nicer bar, not your usual place, just so the two of you could feel you were on an actual date, not just a hangout after work. You actually enjoyed yourself some. Doyoung was easy on the eyes and had a pleasant enough personality, even if he tried too hard sometimes. You supposed you had been using him even before saying yes to this date. He was your only confidant, the only person you’d talk to about your situation, even though you could tell he had a crush on you. But you were lonely and he heard you, begrudgingly or otherwise. You’d tell him most facts about your arrangement, though you hadn’t told him that you’d started sleeping with your contract husband. That was a fact you were only going to admit to yourself.

When you left the bar and started walking down the street together, you felt Doyoung reach for your hand. And you gave it to him. When he asked if you wanted to go to his apartment for some tea, you said yes. You had no idea why you were being so reckless.

But here you were. Leaning on the edge of the kitchen counter of your coworker, in an apartment where he lived alone. The risk of the unknown was fueling your veins with adrenaline and suddenly, you wanted to play with fire. You should’ve seen it coming when he leaned in to kiss you. You had almost taken him by the hand and led him to this moment. When his lips touched yours, you even kissed him back. You were drunk in the power you had over this man.

‘Stop it. Stop it right now!’ your mind screamed at you. But your body had other ideas. Your body allowed Doyoung to grab your wrists on the kitchen counter and lean over you and kiss you. Your body accepted as his hands started travelling up the dip of your waist. Your body even let out an inviting exhale as his lips moved down to the side of your neck. Wouldn’t it be nice? To be bent right over this counter and be taken by this man? He liked you well enough. He wanted you. He had maybe wanted you all this time. You’d make him a happy man and you’d satisfy your hungry body. He might still like you at the end of it.

Or he might think you’re an easy woman who lives with a contractual husband and spreads her legs for any man on the first date. 

It was your pride that pushed against his chest and pulled him off.

“Doyoung…” you looked away.

“Sorry…” he whispered, inhaling then pursing his lips together. Like he wanted to say something else, but was trying real hard to hold himself back. You searched his face, because for what it’s worth, you didn’t want him to be upset with you. You didn’t want to lose your only confidant. So you offered,

“I’m married…” but it was maybe the wrong thing to say because Doyoung basically exploded at you.

“You don’t even love him! It’s not a real marriage!” he stepped away from you and ran his fingers through his hair in agitation.

“Doyoung…” you reached for his arm. He didn’t flinch away, which could’ve been a good sign. But when he spoke, his voice seemed strained. Like he was holding back tears. 

“I could make you happy,” he said.

Fuck. 

You finally realized that you had gone too far in your stupid game. As if in a sudden moment of clarity, you realized that he was an actual human being. And you’d been toying with his feelings. You hadn’t known how deep his feelings went, but toy with them you had. 

You looked at him regretfully. “No one can make me happy, Doyoung.”

“You know I’d try,” he said and this time he moved away from your touch and put some space between the two of you. “I could try keeping you happy… and Minki…” he spoke with the face of a brokenhearted man. Your heart clenched. It was nice to know you still had a heart after all you’d been doing. 

“You deserve so much more,” you shook your head. It made him scoff.

“I don’t know what I deserve,” he whispered, then stormed past you and into his room. He slammed the door shut.

You returned home that night, feeling like shit. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you needed comforting. So, after you had put Minki to bed, you sent Jaehyun the inevitable text.

‘Are you awake?’ you texted, and you waited.

‘No,’ he replied.

You stared at the message.

‘No,’ it read. A simple word. He had refused you. In one simple word, he turned you down. How strange this word felt, how curt, how novel. Jaehyun had never told you no.

But Jaehyun was another man whose heart you were hell bent on breaking. Guess he was smarter in how he protected it.

What was it that people said about the taste of your own medicine? It couldn’t possibly be sweet. Because you experienced the bitterness of it in the next few days to come. Your days became lonely but your nights became lonelier. 

If you were being honest, you felt the bitterness most from Doyoung. Perhaps because you had been more cruel to him than you’d been to Jaehyun. You realized now that the man genuinely liked you by how badly his pride had been hurt. He spent the next few days staying out of your way. He didn’t stop by your desk with a morning coffee for you. He didn’t ask if you wanted to have lunch together. He didn’t come along to any after-work gatherings if you were in them. He turned his cheek if you ever crossed paths. He pretended you weren’t there to the point where it became obvious to your other coworkers that the two of you had a falling out. Of course, in this twisted world, there was only one reason for a man and a woman to have a falling out, or at least that's what the rumors around you started to say. You would’ve been annoyed had the rumors been wrong. But they were all true. Doyoung did nothing to stop them. He wasn’t obligated to anymore. He used to be the one person who would always come to your defense if you ever became the victim of gossip or intrusive questions. But you had freed him of that obligation. He wasn’t your friend or your confidant anymore. Your arrogance had made sure of it.

You almost wanted Jaehyun to dose you with venom of the same potency that Doyoung was giving you. But you weren’t so lucky. Because Jaehyun’s idea of giving you the cold shoulder was a little more mature. All he really did was restore your relationship back to how it used to be before you began warming his bed. As if all those nights spent in heat beneath his sheets hadn’t even happened. Like you had never bared your bodies to one another, like you were back to what you were supposed to be. And what you were supposed to be was two people living under the same roof, practically as strangers because of whatever fucked up contract that was going to mutually benefit the both of you. That’s what you had wanted, wasn’t it?

Despite your better judgement and your ever present pride, you had in fact asked him for sex a second time since he had refused you. And you had been turned down yet again. How strange it was, losing that power over him. Over both of them. What illogical power trip had you been on in the first place that made you treat these men like the dirt on your shoe? How did that power even come to you? Did it come with the security of a roof over your head? Did that come from knowing that you’d finally given your son a better life? Did it come from you finally having the luxury to think beyond the primal need of survival? Was this who you were when you weren’t destitute and struggling?

Funny thing was, your libido didn’t even bother you since the second time you got turned down. How peculiar it was that just a few days ago, you had considered getting sex from two different men in the same night. It was a stranger discovery knowing that perhaps you felt this way because… you didn’t want sex from any other man. Because Jaehyun had never thrown any of your weaknesses in your face. Despite refusing you, he let you keep your dignity. You weren’t sure many other men would offer you that much slack.

It was in the way your heart did a somersault when he knocked on your door one evening. You all but jumped to answer, but didn’t know what to say when you saw his face, this up close after a long while.

“I’m sorry… did I interrupt something?” he asked, as politely as ever.

“Oh, no, we were just playing with crayons,” you looked over your shoulder to see Minki scribbling away.

“Oh, okay. Um, the thing is, I wanted to ask you something but I didn’t want to do it over text. It was kind of important,” he began and he spoke with purpose.

“Everything okay?” you asked, the awkwardness you felt being chased away by concern.

“Yes, actually. So, my father’s Will Signing is next week,” he began.

Oh. 

“My entire family will be there. Um… you have to come with me,” he said the last bit with some discomfort, perhaps because the way he put it made it seem like you didn’t have a choice. You didn’t, not in this case.

“Of course…” you said in maybe the softest tone you had ever taken with him.

“Great. I’ll send you the details,” he said and nodded as a sign off. But just before he turned, something came over you and you took his hand.

“Jaehyun…”

“Hmm?” he didn’t look at you.

“Are you… okay?” you asked, tipping your head to the side, just so you could see his face. This was a big moment, one he had been preparing for for as long as you had known him. How did he feel?

He inhaled for a brief moment before he turned his head to look at you. “Yes,” he nodded with politeness. And then he disappeared into his room.

A week later, you sat beside him in the presence of his family and his lawyers and his witnesses and God and saw as his wealthy father signed his will and declared Jaehyun as the inheritor of his business after him and the new CEO of his company. You stood by him as people thumped him on the back and congratulated him (for whatever reason). You saw as people smiled at him with daggers in their eyes. You bowed politely when his father told you that you’d made an honest man out of him and you smiled and nodded when his mother spoke of the responsibilities that came with being the “first lady” of the Jeong Group of Companies. 

It was a bizarre evening, and when the drink and food started rolling out, you weren’t sure this was something to celebrate. Everyone in here was a vulture that wanted a piece of whatever they could scavenge after this man died, and they did so whilst eating and drinking away in luxury. Your husband, so to speak, had now been placed at the top of the food chain, with the first call on the body and the biggest chunk of the meat. You supposed you should be happy.

But as you drove back home with him that night, you stared out the window with an uneasiness in the pit of your stomach that wouldn’t go away no matter how much you tried. These feelings were familiar because they used to be your constant companions before you met Jaehyun. You felt the uncertainty about what the next day would bring. You felt the guilt of being a lacking mother to your son. You felt the shivering anxiety of an undetermined outcome.

Because Jeong Jaehyun was now legally the inheritor of the Jeong Group of Companies. He had received what he had hoped he would get out of this marriage. He had no reason to continue on with the contract anymore. And that knowledge filled you with dread deep in your bones.

Minki had always been a good boy. By any definition of the phrase, you had lucked out. This boy ate well, played well, slept well and lived well. He very seldom threw tantrums you couldn’t handle. He was well-mannered with the people around him. He never went wandering about the apartment without you, and he followed the boundaries you had set for him. 

But today was an unusual day, for more reasons than you could handle. Today, Minki had been crying and screaming his lungs out, and you had no idea what to do. You held him in your arms and paced around and rubbed his back, but nothing you’d do or say would make anything okay. Someone had once told you that toddlers tend to absorb the emotions of their caregiver. And you knew today that it was right. He absorbed your emotions, because he couldn’t possibly have known what had hit you this morning. How could he know? All he could do was scream and cry at the uneasiness his instincts were inflicting on him.

Your son had never had too many meltdowns that you could remember. And when he did have one, you had always known how to handle it. Yet, despite knowing exactly what was happening, despite knowing that to calm him, you needed to breathe, you found yourself in a vicious cycle. The more he cried, the more agitated you became; the more on edge you were, the louder he cried. 

You knew how to calm your son. You knew that for sure. But what could you do? How could you tell a toddler to go easy on you because of what was impending on you?

Your brain was a tangled mess. How could you calm him when there was a storm building in your own chest? How could you dial your energy down when every bit of your body was on edge? You just wanted to give up and cry. You were holding on by a thread.

You needed someone. You were desperate. You needed someone who could be there for you without expecting someone in return--a friend, a confidant. You even messaged Doyoung, hoping he’d put aside his broken heart and just listen to you. You needed someone to listen to you. Someone. Anyone. But you had no one, and your son was crying and you felt like your mind would implode. One final snap and you were going to lose your sanity. 

It didn’t help that Jaehyun peaked his head out the door to see what was going out. He found you pacing in the living room, then slumping on the sofa as the little boy cried bloody murder on your shoulder. You knew it was an unusual sight for him. It’s perhaps why he stepped out. He sat next to you, a respectful distance away.

“Is everything alright?” he asked gently.

“He won’t stop crying,” you said, and your voice was thick with the agitation you felt, like you could cry tears of frustration of your own any moment now.

“Could I try calming him?” he kept his voice gentle and even.

“You could,” you said, trying to breathe evenly, lest you crumble mid-sentence.

Jaehyun reached in to take Minki off of you, which made the boy scream louder as he gripped onto your shirt, not wanting to let go. But Jaehyun was gentle yet firm. He managed to pry him off of you. He sat him on his lap whilst he kicked and pushed against him. But Jaehyun held him around the waist. Kind, but strong.

“What’s wrong, Minki?” Jaehyun asked whilst you tried hard to keep yourself together.

“Nooooo!” the boy screamed back on the top of his lungs.

“Minki, you have to tell your Mommy what’s wrong,” Jaehyun reasoned, but he got the same high pitched answer in return. You were worried he was going to hurt his vocal chords.

“How can Mommy help you if you don’t tell her what’s wrong?” Jaehyun looked him in the eye whilst he gently kept him restrained in his arms. And finally, Minki screamed back a reply, a different reply, something other than ‘no.’

“What is it? Can you tell me softly so I can understand?” Jaehyun's tone was authoritative but still kind. Minki’s screams were fading to sobs as he realized this switch in the power dynamic. Still, he held onto his stubborn act for a while longer and screamed the reply.

“Minki, Mommy and I can’t understand you. You have to tell us in words,” Jaehyun reasoned. 

“Outside! Wanna go outside!” Minki replied in sobs instead of screams.

“Very good, Minki. Well done, you’ve told us in words. Where do you wanna go outside? Hmm?” Jaehyun continued.

“Outside!” he yelled and Jaehyun shook his head.

“You have to tell us in words, Minki. Do you wanna go to the store and buy some snacks?”

“No!” Minki whined.

“Then what, Minki? Do you wanna go to the park?”

“Y--no! I wanna play with kitty!” he finally sobbed.

“You wanna play with kitty? Very good, Minki. Thank you for telling us. You’ve done such a good job,” Jaehyun took the boy in his arms and hugged him till he calmed. He stood and you stood up with them.

“Does he play with a cat?” Jaehyun asked you.

“There was once a cat in the park. He played with it,” you told him though your breaths were coming shorter. You didn’t want to crumble but you were right on the brink.

“Do you want me to take him to the park for a little bit?” Jaehyun asked you softly and you nodded vigorously.

“Okay. Don’t worry, please. We’ll be fine,” he nodded, attempting to calm you a little as well, as if he could see that you were hanging by a thread. But then, he turned away much too soon, carrying the now sniffling boy and leaving you behind. Before you could stop yourself, you grabbed at his arm.

“Minki’s dad is in town,” you finally blurted out the words that had been choking you, the reason your breaths were being stolen from your lungs and your chest was being constricted. You wanted someone to know that a dark cloud was taking over your life. A shadow from your past, a monster lurking in the dark. Your exhales came out ragged, like you were holding too much in, but couldn’t let it all out. There was no one to let it out to. You saw Jaehyun’s eyes widen for a moment. But he didn’t say anything. So you continued, “He wants me to meet with him.”

Jaehyun nodded, too understanding, too level-headed. “You should meet him. Does he want to meet Minki, too?”

You looked away, and took a deep breath in. It was getting harder to hold it in. “No. Just me.”

Jaehyun nodded again, “You can meet him. I’ll take care of Minki till then.” Then he turned and started readying Minki to go out the same way he had seen you do several times. 

You wanted to say so much more to him but couldn’t find your words. You wanted Jaehyun to hold you and get the words out of you the same way he had gotten them out of Minki. You wanted him to grab you to pull you together and ask you what it was that was making you feel this way. You wanted to scream and cry and kick like your son and have him calm you down, the same way he calmed him. 

But you were an adult. And he wasn’t your husband, even if you had signed some papers. You’d made sure he would never come close enough to hold you and comfort you with how you treated him. And now? Now, he wasn’t even obligated to be your husband anymore… he had gotten what he wanted from this marriage. So you watched as he walked out with your son, carrying him with the love and patience the little boy had always deserved but never received from his own father. 

You just wanted to give up.

You’re pretty sure you were having an out of body experience. You’d never had an out of body experience before, and you weren’t sure what it was really meant to feel like. You know that at the very least, you were in a dreamlike state. You felt too present, but like you were floating in space at the same time. Your legs felt heavy, but your head felt light. You heard the sounds around you too clearly, every whisper, every step, every breath ringing in your ears. But those sounds didn’t seem like they were coming from your reality around you, but from deep within your being. You heard them too clearly. Perhaps it helped in numbing the sight and sound that was closest to you.

You saw the man in front of you; the man who through a terrible twist of fate was Minki’s father. And you stared down at the cheque this man had placed in front of you, encased in a beautiful envelope. Like the elegance of the envelope was going to mask the horridness of the contents within. You may have been in a dreamlike state. But everything about what was happening was a nightmare.

You stared down at the strip of paper for too long, the storm inside building, threatening to reach its climax. You tried to keep it in. 

“Take it back,” you whispered. You didn’t want to speak up. You weren’t sure what your voice would do if you spoke up.

“Y/N. I want you to think about this logically,” the man said. Too level-headed. Too indifferent. The men around you seemed to talk logic with you quite a lot. Like you were the hysterical one and they were always the sensible, centered ones that had to pacify you.

“Logically?” you repeated the offensive word, finally peeling your eyes off the cheque to look him in the eye.

“This is good money. Think of what you can do for your son with all this money,” he nodded.

“He’s your son, too!” you hissed and the tears that didn’t fall threatened to choke you. You stopped yourself and looked around and shifted in your seat. You didn’t want this to be a scene. You needed to keep yourself together.

“Y/N. I know you’re not thinking straight right now. You’re being too emotional. If you want to take a couple of days to think about it, I think you’ll see that I’m right,” he spoke to you like a professor would speak to a student. Like you were an imbecile and he was the All-Knowing. You were bursting at the seams, and he was too composed. Emotionlessly, indifferently, dispassionately composed.

“You disappeared from our lives for two years and now you want to buy my silence!” you hissed yet again, and tears of anger you were holding back brimmed to your eyes. You didn’t let them escape.

But you finally saw the breach in his composure as he looked around, making sure no one was listening in. Making sure you weren’t creating a scene and tarnishing his reputation. As if your reaction was uncalled for, too extreme, too irrational, too emotional. As if he didn’t ask of you what he did. That he would offer you this money. And in exchange? 

In exchange, you and Minki would never contact him ever again. Because he had found an influential woman to marry. Because he didn’t want anything getting in the way of this opportunity. Because if she were to find out that he had a secret son, she could end his career for vengeance. He would offer you this money and neither you nor Minki could claim any connection to him ever again. He could marry in peace and get a clean slate, leaving his old life behind. Leaving his son behind.

“Y/N…” he said, trying to void his voice of the irritation he felt towards you, “You have a new life. I’m asking for mine.”

“You’re asking to abandon Minki forever with your blood money!” you swept the cheque back towards him.

“I’m not having any more arguments about this,” he turned his cheek and stood up. As if to add insult to injury, he placed more money on the table, presumably to pay the bill. You looked up at him in utter disbelief. How easily he was dismissing himself. Dismissing you. Just getting up to leave like he hadn’t just presented you with a life-altering ultimatum. “Think about it with a rational mind. Or at least think about your son,” he spoke down at you.

But that did it.

“How dare you,” you whispered at him, “How DARE you. You absolute swine of a man…” you’re pretty sure your chair had toppled over as you stood. You didn’t care. Not anymore.

“How dare you ask me to think about my son when you’re the one selling him off with your blood money! How dare you talk to me like that after you left him for the dead for two fucking years. You absolute fucking piece of shit, how dare you!” you realized that your whispers had turned to shrieks, that you were gripping at this man’s collar, that you had finally created the scene the both of you had been avoiding all this time. “How can you do this to him? He’s only a child!” you pulled at him. “He’s your son!” you shrieked at him, your grip on his shirt tight. You could feel him prying you off, but you held onto him with all your might. “He’s your son, you dickless piece of shit, he’s your son!” you didn’t let go, not even for a moment. If you let go, he was going to run and hide. He was going to leave into his new life and Minki would become only a skeleton in his closet. Minki would grow up with the knowledge that his father abandoned him. That he was worth only the amount on this cheque, whilst the new family he was going to start was worth much more. That he was paid off to be kept a secret for the rest of his life. That you allowed it to happen and did nothing to stop it. You were going to stop it. You had to.

“He’s your son!” you gripped at him and you were only half aware that people around you had started to pull him away from you. You didn’t let him go. How could you let him get away? You’re weren’t going to let him get away with doing this to your son. You were going to fight for him. 

But how much power could you muster against the strength of many? What force did you have in your arms that could fight off the pull of the onlookers as they pried the man away from you? What sort of power did you have? None. You didn’t have the power in your arms you thought you had. You didn’t have the power in your fortitude you thought you had. You didn't even have the power in your words you thought you had. You had power over nothing and no one.

So, he got away. Leaving behind only a torn fabric of his shirt in your fist because you held on till the last moment before you were kicked out of the restaurant. You ran after him all the way to his car. Kicking and screaming. But he got in. He drove away. And he got away. And you couldn’t do anything about it--not a single thing.

You could never do much, anyway. You had let him get away this time, just as you had let him get away the last time. You had let yourself and your son get abandoned then, and you let him abandon the two of you now. How easily he slipped from your grip yet again. You couldn’t even stop him. You couldn’t keep him, not even for your son’s sake. Your son needed to know he had a father in this world. But he had been stripped of that right because you couldn’t fight for him. You had no strength. You had no power. 

Come to think of it, you never had any strength or any power all your life. And life was a word you used rather liberally. Truth is, you didn’t really know how to live… you only knew how to survive. So how could you have fought for Minki? You couldn’t even fight for yourself. You hadn’t really done much in your lifetime but made bad decisions, one after the other. And now you were left to face the consequences of every single bad decision you’d ever made. 

How did you think you could do this all on your own? How did you think you could go through all the trials and trepidations of your life with no one to rely on? Who did you think you were? You weren’t born into money, you didn’t go to a fancy college, you had absolutely nothing to back you up but your constant hustle and your ever inflated pride. What good was that pride, anyway? It had never done you an ounce of good. And now, you could feel it slipping from your fingers, too. Because the whole world had seen you gripping and begging at the man who didn’t want you or your son. The whole world had seen as you cried and ran after him on foot, chasing his car even as it raced away from your sight. The whole world saw as you kept walking, even when the storm came, even when it started to rain so hard that you couldn’t see a thing. The whole world saw how you took refuge at a bus stop, drenched to the bone, but unable to move and head home. How could you head home? How could you go home knowing that you couldn’t defend your son? That you couldn’t fight for him? How could you tell him that once again, the two of you were left alone, only this time, he wouldn’t even have the hope that someone might come back for him? He had no one and you had no one. Everyone in this world had deserted you. You stared ahead, searching for courage that wouldn’t come.

And right from within the nothingness, you saw a figure in front of you. Like a silhouette afront the blur of the rain that grew larger till it came too close. But even then, it didn’t take full form against the grey of the storm. It didn’t have to. You knew exactly who it was. You had always known.

“What took you so long?” you looked up, unsure whether rain or tears blurred your vision.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun whispered and immediately covered your shoulders in a trench coat that enveloped you whole.

You were sobbing. You were sure of it now, because your breaths were breaking in your throat and your words were punctuated by them. “Where’s Minki?” you asked desperately as Jaehyun rubbed some warmth into your shoulders with his hands and made you rise to your unstable feet.

“With my mother. He is safe,” he tried to pull you into himself. But you held onto his chest and kept him back so you could look up at his face and make him listen to your pleas. 

“How did you know where to find me?” you couldn’t control the tears that flowed from your eyes any more than you could control this storm in the skies.

“Doyoung called me,” he looked into your eyes, searching. He wanted to know more. And you wanted to tell him. You gripped at his shirt like a broken woman, desperate and begging and crying like a lost child.

“Minki’s father…” you began but fuck, it was hard. It was hard to say the words and realize them as you spoke them. It made you cry more because speaking it was making it more real, “... he… he left us. He gave me this and he left us…” you showed him the envelope, dampened and crumpled in your fist.

“Shh… it’s okay… I’m here… I’ve got you...” Jaehyun held your face.

You gripped at his wrists and looked at him, “Are you going to leave me, too?”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened in emotion and he shook his head, whispering a single word, “Never.”

“But the will has been signed,” you cried and you told him all the doubts in your heart.

“You are my wife,” he pressed a sealing kiss to your forehead, “And I am your husband. For as long as you’ll want me,” and he brought a hand to the back of your head and pressed it to his chest and this time, you couldn’t fight him. You let him hold you and keep you warm. You cried into him because you understood the words he told you. You knew. You had always known. So you pushed back to looked up at him,

“I’ll want you forever. As my husband,” you whispered, though your voice cracked and your tears flowed.

“It would be my honor,” he replied. Because he had never turned down any request you’d ever made of him.

All you could do in return was to finally allow yourself to crumble. Because now you knew that he’d be there to pick you up. And that’s what he did. As you cried, he put his arm around you and shielded you from the storm under his umbrella. He sat you in his car and fastened your seatbelt. He took you home and sat you in the tub and bathed you so you’d be warm. He wrapped you up in a robe and dried your hair and when you implored at him,

“I want to see Minki,” he gently replied,

“Let the storm die down. Then I’ll go get him myself.”

How funny it was that he was putting out storms one after the other. The storm in your life, the storm in your mind, the storm in your heart. All because you finally let him in. Like he’d been waiting to hold you and love you, only if you allowed it. And now you had. Like a flip of a switch, everything shifted. You felt the shift in his touch, in your breaths, in the space between the two of you.

He took your silence to mean anxiety and kissed your forehead, “I promise. He is safe with my mother. He won’t be safe on the road in this weather.”

You nodded. 

How considerate this man was. How kind. How respectful. How honorable. You had never known men to be this way. Men were selfish, men only gave you respect when you were hard and cold, men would exploit you the moment they sense vulnerability, men broke you down when they saw that you had no way out. That’s how you had known men to be like. Yet, here he was, defying everything you had known, and confirming things about him you had always known but never allowed yourself to realize. You were married to him, yet you’d been blind. You had always been quick to throw away his kindness, his empathy, the love he was always willing to give. You let yourself believe you were alone because you never allowed this man into your heart. What a fool you’d been.

So you stood up and you kissed him. You weren’t going to let him go, not anymore. You weren’t going to pretend that this man was the cause of all your problems. You weren’t going to blame him for your misfortunes anymore. You weren’t going to let your pride get in the way of opening your heart and accepting his warmth and his decency. And in return, you were going to love him with the same kindness and patience he gave you. You were going to care for him and dote on him and be there for him when he would need you. You were going to fill your life with love and light. You were going to chase away the darkness and the storm, hand in hand with him.

And the storm died down, just like Jaehyun had said it would, and he brought Minki back to you, just like he promised he would. You took your son into your arms and you couldn’t bear it. You held him tight and you kissed him and you cried.

“I’m sorry,” you kept telling him, though he wouldn’t understand a word. How could he? He was only a child. How could he understand why his mother was begging for his forgiveness? He only cried in return because he saw you crying, so you held him tighter and kissed him everywhere you could. Maybe one day, he’d understand that you had tried and he might forgive you. He might understand why you had made the decisions that you had. But whether he forgave you or not, you were going to spend everyday letting him know that his mother loved him and that she’d be his shield for as long as she had the strength. 

Jaehyun let you two have this private moment, waiting on the sidelines till you were all cried out, then helping you prepare his things to put him to bed. He let you be when you sat on the floor by the edge of Minki’s bed, slowly patting his tiny back even when he had been fast asleep for a while. When you’d been sitting on that floor for a while, not moving an inch for far too long, you felt Jaehyun sit by your side and loop an arm around you, gently guiding your head to rest on his shoulder. He calmed you like you were calming Minki, then brought his lips to your ears.

“I’ll always be here. For you and Minki.”

You closed your eyes. Because you believed him.

“The HO? You’re really getting promoted to the HO?” you sat up straighter in your chair.

“I’m offended by how surprised you sound,” Doyoung quipped. 

“Oh, no, I just... Doyoung, that’s amazing!” you quickly backtracked and settled on just being happy for your friend.

“I know you too well so just spit it out,” Doyoung looked at you deadpan. You sighed.

“I just… I’m really gonna miss you so damn bad,” you finally admitted.

Doyoung’s eyes widened for a moment, but then he scoffed a little, “Oh, well. It’s all for the best.”

You looked at him and finally felt the intense pang of guilt you should’ve felt all that time ago when you had first met him. Maybe you finally had your humanity back. So, if your voice shook when you said the next few words, you allowed it. He needed to hear the emotions in your words for once. “I really wish you all the happiness in this world, Doyoung. No one deserves it more than you.”

Doyoung looked at you in surprise. For the first time in your dynamic, you had spoken about him, not just yourself. It wasn’t a surprise he couldn’t find his next words. You had rendered him speechless.

“You always belonged with the HO people,” you wiped away at the sneaky tear that had formed at the corner of your eye and tried to lighten the mood, “All snooty and uppity and self-important like.”

Doyoung scoffed again, only this time it was friendlier, any traces of irony and misery gone, “You know, if I keep playing my cards right, I might become your boss.”

You put your hand up in a mock-salute and straightened up, “Sir, yes, Sir!”

Doyoung laughed, “It won’t be fun being your boss when I’m all the way in the capital. I won’t even get the satisfaction of getting your death stares in person.”

Your face fell. “You’re really going to move to the capital, huh?”

He looked up and gave you a small, nostalgic smile, “I really am.”

You held his gaze for a moment, then nodded. “It’s where all the big shots live. You’ll fit right in.”

He smiled wider, though his eyes still didn’t match his expression, “It’s going to be a new start, alright.”

A new start. All the people in your life got a new start, though you weren’t sure if they were deserving of it or not. Now Doyoung was getting one, too. No one deserved it more than him, though you weren’t sure he was a person in your life. So you realized. This was a goodbye. He was here to bid you farewell. When your heart broke in your chest, you allowed that, too. 

“You’re going to be amazing,” you told him sincerely.

He looked down at the table, “I hope so,” he whispered and got up. You got up with him, your heart clenching for your friend. The friend who had given you so much emotional support, the friend who would carry all your baggage by just being a good listener. The friend whose heart you held so carelessly that you broke it. “Well,” he looked at you, “I guess this is goodbye.”

And you finally let the tears fall down to your cheeks. You held his arm to pull him to your height and you kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for everything, Doyoungie. I am never going to forget everything you’ve done for me.”

You supposed you had rendered him speechless once again, because the man froze. Like he didn’t know what to do. But soon he regained his wits about him and stood up straighter. He smiled at you and stroked your hair once, “Don’t miss me too much.”

And perhaps this was going to be the only way you’d realize how much you really needed Doyoung in your life. You’d never really been good with making and keeping friends, and still he had been that one person that never asked you for much. Kim Doyoung might have become your friend and confidant by accident, but he let you vent to him every single time without fail. Did he ever vent to you? You couldn’t remember. All your exchanges with him were utterly selfish. You took from him and never gave. And he let it be that way till he couldn’t. But you needed him and you were going to feel the absence of him. Because you had hurt his pride, and he had let you go. He had decided to let you go when you messaged him for help and he thought it wasn’t his place to help you anymore, but your husband’s. You might’ve been blind, but he wasn’t and he saw what you couldn’t and it hurt his pride; and when he left, you never heard from him ever again.

It was a lesson learnt. Real people had real feelings. Actions had consequences. Relationships were hard work. You had known these clichés all your life, but never truly known them. You had never really thought much outside of yourself and your need to survive. You saw everyone around you as people that either wanted to take from you or people you wanted to take from. You had done all it took to keep your head above water. From staying with your infant son with a man that didn���t want either of you; to begging your parents to help you whilst you found a job to support the two of you. From going door to door to all your friends, asking for a place to stay; to marrying a man you hardly knew just so your son could live with dignity even if all your decisions had been questionable to say the least. 

Maybe being reduced to fighting for primal needs took away from other aspects of your humanity. Like kindness. When was the last time you had been kind to another person without wanting something in return? You couldn’t recall. Like empathy. When was the last time you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and felt their pain? You weren’t sure. Like respect. When was the last time you had admired someone for what they did or how they lived? You didn’t know.

You hadn’t really been living. It’s like the past few years stripped you of who you were. You had lost your identity, not just your humanity. But finally, miraculously, it was coming back. Because the tears you cried when you saw your friend walking away were just for him. You were happy for the life he had ahead of him and sad that you weren’t going to see him again. It was a miracle to feel human again. To know you still had a heart that could feel joy and sorrow for someone else. It was exhilarating to experience the consequences of your actions. It was reassuring to go through the emotions that well adjusted members of society have for one another. And in this moment, you closed your eyes and thought only of your husband. For giving you the space to finally feel human again.

Jaehyun never thought he’d be the clingy type. Then again, he hadn’t really been in a true relationship before. How could he have possibly known this about himself when he had never honestly put himself in this position before? But the sweet pleasure that came with domestic bliss was unlike any he could’ve imagined. The mellow contentment he was feeling just resting his head on his wife’s chest was nothing he had ever experienced before. The fact that you were lazily running your fingers in his scalp wasn’t helping the drunken haze he felt. 

“Do you wanna lay in bed properly? You could take a quick nap,” you suggested, kissing the top of his head. The couch wasn’t big enough for his tall form, but that’s where he had found you and that’s where he had decided to settle in.

“Mm mm,” Jaehyun hummed in the negative, “I don’t want to move,” he mumbled and tightened his arms around your middle as if to drive the point home. 

“You did a good job today, setting up the crib all by yourself,” you smiled at his tired form. Moving into your new house was tough work with both of your schedules. You didn’t even want to look at the piles of cardboard boxes that littered most of the living room where the two of you lounged. Jaehyun had done most of the heavy lifting, but the simple prospect of having to organize them over the next few days was already tiring you out.

“I did a good job?” Jaehyun lifted his sleep head up from your chest, smiling expectantly as he looked up.

“You did,” you smiled back, because who were you kidding? You were a simple girl with simple tastes. Watching your husband become a handyman was a basic fantasy and you hadn’t denied yourself the luxury of ogling at the muscles in his back rippling through his shirt as he worked.

“Then can I have a kiss?” he asked shamelessly, despite the sleep in his state.

You laughed. But you leaned in and kissed his lips. He had earned it, anyway. He’d taken a day off from work so the two of you could finally start setting up your new home. Minki’s room had been the first you had chosen to finish. It’s the first time your little boy had gotten his own room and you both had set it up with all the love you had in your hearts. Jaehyun had gotten so many toys that you had argued they wouldn’t fit. But he was determined and stubborn and had found a place for all the things he had bought. No wonder he was so tired now. Lazing about on the couch, cuddled into you.

Minki toddled towards you then, holding onto the sheet of paper he had been scribbling away at with his brand new set of crayons. He pressed it into Jaehyun’s face, wanting his attention.

“Not now, my love. Daddy is sleeping,” you whispered at him with a finger on your lip, smiling.

But Jaehyun never had it in him to tell him no. Though his eyes were droopy and his body heavy, he held the paper with both his hands and gave the boy all the encouragement he could muster for his little creation and promised that he would put it up on the refrigerator proudly. Then he scooped the boy into his arms and tucked him into the couch as well, muttering, “Nap time,” and miraculously, Minki giggled but gave in.

Your legs were going to be numb in a moment, you were sure of it because the two boys had pretty much decided that on top of you was a fairly suitable napping spot. You didn’t move, though, not for a single moment. Jaehyun had slid over to tuck himself under your arm and over your chest and Minki effectively used your belly as a pillow and buried his face into Jaehyun. You reached over to stroke your son’s head because your lips couldn’t reach him. But they reached Jaehyun’s forehead just fine. If you could stay like this forever, you would. Right here in this moment, without changing a thing. 

“Here it is. The first snow,” you whispered. You didn’t get a reply because Jaehyun’s eyes had closed. So you marveled at the window of your new home. Finally, after all the years of wishing and hoping, the first snow had brought for you a new tomorrow. A happier life. A life with love. You smiled at it and prayed a silent thank you and let your eyes close, too. No one wishes at the snow, but you’re glad you did all those years.

When Jaehyun woke from his nap, he found you asleep, so he got up carefully and carried Minki into his new room and tucked him in. So many years he had spent wishing at the snow to give him his own family. And now he had it. He felt your presence at the door frame and turned around, pressing a finger to his lips. He tiptoed out and held your hand and you walked together in companionable silence, unbeknownst to the other that you were just two snow wishers who found their dreams in each other.

So he made love to you that night on the mattress on the floor of the room you hadn’t even set up yet. You were going to. You were going to set it up hand in hand and fill it with love and happiness and all the human moments you were going to live together. You had found a harbor in Jaehyun, but it was his dreams that had come the truest. Too many years he had longed to be a husband and a father, and never thought he’d live to see that day in truth. But slowly and surely, you let him in. Little by little, letting him love you the way he had always envisioned he would love his family. His dreams came true. His snow wishes came true. His marriage came true. His love came true.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

[binniebutter]

cute things skz does for their s/o | maknae line

han:

makes them playlists

ma boy is whipped for you

i’m talking whip cream type of whipped

which is why when you asked him to recommend you a couple of songs to listen to

he instantly devotes his full time to picking the perfect songs that match your vibe

he would want to prove to you that he knows you so well

would probably spend his breaks during dance practice with his headphones on and his eyes closed

making absolute sure that each and every one of the songs he’s gathering are perfect for you

his extra ass would probably arrange the songs in a way that spells a cute little message for you

would go red when he presents it to you though

such a cute baby

felix:

takes candid photos of them

this ball of sunshine can never stop going on about how pretty you are

which is ironic because look at him💀

he’s always gushing to the boys about how beautiful you are and how lucky he is to date someone as gorgeous as you

whole-heartedly believes that you’re beautiful in every moment so he always has his phone out, camera pointed straight at you

you could be doing something as simple as doing the dishes and he’ll still take a picture of you

if you asked him why he took the photo

he’d just reply saying that you “looked too gorgeous for me not to”

he’d definitely have a photo album dedicated just to you

seungmin:

keeps accessories on him at all times

seungmin knows how forgetful his significant other is and always makes sure to be prepared for whatever they need

he’s a good boy

whether it’s a hair tie or a head band or anything, he’s got it

like for example

if you’re suddenly feeling hot and you need to tie up your hair but you don’t have a hair tie with you

he doesn’t even hesitate to pull one off of his wrist and help you tie up your hair

his hand would probably linger for a bit, playing with your hair a bit

would definitely get teased by Felix and Jisung for being so loving

jeongin:

writes them love notes

we all know how much jeongin hates skinship and anything even remotely affectionate

so he most likely would have trouble communicating how much he likes you through words and actions

which is why he instead writes you love letters whenever he can

they can range from long, heartfelt letters to short and sweet messages, but you cherish them all the same

would never admit to writing the letters even though everyone knows who it’s from

would sign off his letters with a little drawing of a fox 🦊 instead of his name

hyung line

stray kids masterlist

main masterlist

[sichengtual]

— body electric; j.jh

— summary: you and jaehyun are friends, and you and jaehyun are roommates, and you and jaehyun really, really have the hots for each other. — pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader. — genre: smut; roommates!au. — word count: 3.7k (3741) — warnings: mutual masturbation, voyeurism, dirty talk, use of the pet name "kitten", mentions of oral sex (m!receiving), both of them are sooooo far gone for each other. — song: crush — cigarettes after sex. — a/n: so jaehyun cursed me and this is the result! i'm going thru it! (dedicated to my jsoulmate and favorite peachzen, @svtxsoju ❤️���🔥)

Jaehyun is sure he’s imagining things.

Okay, well, maybe he’s not completely sure, but oh does he want to be. See, if he were to be imagining things, he’d simply be able to put a record into his player, focus on the music, close the book he’s been trying to read for the past few minutes, and have some time to himself. If he were imagining things, simply hearing your voice inside his head, seeing you dancing before his eyes in the sweetest of fantasies, then maybe, just maybe, he could think of a way to release the pent up tension that has his hands shaking by his sides.

The feeling in his chest though, the sound of his heart thumping violently against his ears and the heat rising to his cheeks really, unfortunately, lets him know he’s been hearing things right. And, God, as much as he likes being right, Jaehyun finds himself wishing that the sweet little moans coming from the room next door were as much of a dream as they had been ever since he had moved in with you.

He wonders how it all began, but deep down, he knows it had all been brewing from way back. A happy coincidence, an advertisement for a free room in a complex near campus, printed in a brightly-colored flyer that had caught his eye after his last medieval literature lecture of the semester and led him straight to you.

Enter Jaehyun, a last year literature student, desperately looking for a new place to live in after his best friend and roommate graduated from college and moved across the city. Enter you, a last year architecture student, desperately looking for a new roommate after your best friend, a quiet man named Dong Sicheng, agreed to move in with his girlfriend, leaving you with a free room and full rent deposit to pay.

And really, ignoring the almost immediate sexual tension, everything had started out well, but sadly, a line came to form between you and Jaehyun that the two of you had been too cautious to cross. Living together, and especially with all the pressures of a busy semester and a near graduation, was hard enough on its own to then add any sort of roommate drama on top. So you became friends.

Sure, friends who check each other out before leaving the house. Friends who look at each other during kiss scenes in movies wishing they could be brave enough to admit their feelings for each other, but still being careful enough so that the other person doesn’t meet their eyes. Friends who hug each other for a little longer than they should. Friends who hold onto the accidental hand grazing that came with handing each other a cup of freshly-brewed coffee in the mornings. And yeah, friends who have made out once or twice when going out partying, but friends nonetheless. Friends and nothing more.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun breathes out as he hears you cry out a little louder, feeling himself becoming hard under his light gray sweatpants. Do you even know he’s home?

He doesn’t even notice the moment he gets up from his bed, his copy of von Goethe’s Selected Poetry laying long forgotten on his bed. It’s almost as if his mind is blank, suddenly becoming a wandering man following your voice like a map that will finally bring him home. He walks faster than he can think and feels deeper than he can reason, and he’s not completely sure of how he’s gotten there, but he’s suddenly standing outside of your door with a tent in his pants and a hand balled up and ready to knock.

“Oh, God,” he hears, and he nearly has to pinch himself in the arm to make sure he’s not dreaming, as much as everything about the situation feels like a dream, because as soon as he’s there he notices the door isn’t closed.

It’s not wide open either, but rather somewhere in between, and Jaehyun quickly tries to find a place where he’s not visible from the inside. His breath gets caught in his throat, trying to tell himself that he should go back to his room and lock the door, leaving you alone in such an intimate moment but for some reason, he can’t bear to look away.

He wonders if he’s ever gonna get you out of his mind, or if you’re engraving yourself in the very deep, a friend, a crush, suddenly becoming a muse he’s set and ready to adore for as long as he’s living. He sees you laying down on your bed, bare naked, a light layer of sweat resting upon your skin and making you look like you’re glowing, a sort of vision like that of an oasis for a man who’s dying of thirst. It’s like you’ve bewitched him, like you’ve sung a siren song and pulled him to the deepest corners of the ocean, and he knows, deep down, that he’d follow you even if you were. He’d let himself be enchanted by you, any day and any way, because you’re magic in and out of yourself.

He drinks you up, bit by bit, moan by moan, trying to hold back one of his own as he grabs at his crotch, letting out a loud breath at the touch.

And you hear him, because your hand stops for a brief moment while you turn to look at the man standing outside your door. He’s some sort of desperate, knowing he’s caught, and knowing he should run away before you’ve given yourself time to react to him seeing you like this, but he doesn’t. He stands his ground, praying that you won’t stop singing, that you won’t break your spell, because he’s too far gone to let himself free. He wants to adore you the way a muse should be, venerate your body like you’re the highest form of art, let himself be devoted to you like his soul is telling him to.

“Sorry, I —”

“If you’re gonna watch, then you might as well have some fun too,” you whisper, quickly brushing your discarded brassiere off your bed and onto the hardwood floor. Jaehyun’s eyes follow the garment, taking it the entirety of its bright red lace, and he gulps as he feels his throat go dry. “If you’re hard enough yet, you know.”

He doesn’t find the words to respond, or, at least, the courage to actually speak them, but he takes a step into your room and closes the door behind him. He takes note of the music playing from your computer, propped up on your desk, not that far away from you, and he wonders if maybe you had been thinking of him while listening, because he recognizes the song and knows he’s thought of you while doing the same.

Looking away from your desk, his eyes meet yours once again, and Jaehyun can do nothing else but stare.

He finds his hand traveling lower and lower, somehow still entranced by your words, your shameless invitation and your watchful eyes, staring at him in the exact same way he's staring at you. He’s not sure if you’re both gonna end up regretting this, once the lust has faded and the adrenaline has run out, having to live with each other and see your faces every day, remembering just how desperate you had been in finding relief while using each other as an inspiration.

“Can I?” He asks, voice softer than the moment would ask for. He doesn’t elaborate, walking closer to your bed and nudging at the empty space right next to you.

You nod, scooting over to the other side of the bed as he comes to sit down next to you. He begins taking off his sweats, taking his time with the piece of clothing in what you assume is a method of seduction, but really, it’s really just him trying to hide the nervous shake in his hands that came with the adrenaline. He wants to appear smoother than he is, pretending he hasn’t been dreaming of being so close to you from the past few months, but the reddening of his ears gives him away. Or it would, at least, if you had noticed.

He lets the sweats fall down to the floor, joining your discarded lingerie, and moves so his bare arm touches yours as he falls into place. The movement of the bed, combined with the non-stopping movements of your fingers against your core has you producing a soft moan, one you don’t even try to hold back, mind completely fogged up with the only sense of clarity coming from Jaehyun’s skin brushing against yours.

“Fuck,” he hears you whisper, head thrown back as you let little whimpers roll off your lips without a care in the world. “This is s-so hot.”

Jaehyun agrees, but words are stuck in his throat as he moves his hand inside his boxers. He’s not sure if he’s simply imagining it or if his body temperature has actually risen, but as he grazes his fingers over his cock, the skin almost but burns at the touch. His eyelids flutter close, and he’s grateful he had sat right next to you on the bed, letting his back relax onto the headboard.

“I-I’m gonna take them off,” he says, fingers toying with the elastic rim of his boxers. “They feel too tight.”

You turn to look at him, lowering the motions of your hand to slow down but not stopping them altogether. Your fingers still graze upon your clit, allowing your body to take a breath as you watch Jaehyun slowly removing the fabric off his body. It feels like a waiting game, and you wonder if he’s doing it to purposefully tease you as some sort of revenge for the loud moaning that had brought him here in the first place. Or maybe he’s doing it to tease himself, letting the linen run down his shaft as some sort of caress; never enough to actually please, more than necessary to build up the tension in his stomach.

He does it, finally, after what feels like an eternity for the both of you, letting his dick spring free against his stomach. He’s rock hard, tip red and already leaking pre-cum, and your movements on your core speed up ever so slightly at the thought of putting him in your mouth. He lets out a sigh of relief at finally being free from restraints, cool air hitting his skin and making him wince. His hands fall down his sides as he lets his head hang back, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. He likes the waiting, letting the pressure rise until he can practically feel himself throbbing against nothing but the cool wisps of air coming from your open window.

“God, Jae, you’re so hot,” you whisper, letting your fingers travel down your core until one teases at your entrance. Your nail teases the tender skin as you drag it up and down, biting your lip as you feel your head start spinning.

You’re tempted to just relieve the pressure right then and there, but your other hand seems to have a mind of its own as it moves up your body and gives a playful squeeze to your breast. You let out a moan and Jaehyun moves to look at you once again, eyes set in the way you tease your body in the exact same way he’s teasing his. There’s something about the two of you enjoying the same kind of pain that came with the waiting to be pleasured, like a thousand electric volts running through your veins by the second.

“You look so fucking pretty like that,” he speaks, voice deep. You frown at his words, hips unconsciously snapping up as you try to get even a sliver of release. “So desperate and ready to cum, f-fuck. Is your own touch too much for you to handle, baby?”

“Yeah,” you whisper, but the word comes out as a broken moan. “I-I want to make myself cum so bad, and all for you to see.”

Jaehyun chokes out a moan of his own at your words, the pressure on his cock heightening as he feels thrills running down his body as a product of the arousal. He’s so hard it hurts, and can already think of how good it’s gonna feel when he finally lets himself give in.

He bites his lip, moving his hand from the bed to rest at the base of his cock. Running his tongue over his bottom lip, he grabs at his dick as he watches you finally insert a finger into your core, not missing how your body seems to visibly relax once you start moving your digit. A whine forms in the bottom of your throat and you pinch your nipple with the hand that was holding your breast, making Jaehyun finally move his hand along his dick as he lets his imagination fly, wondering just how warm your skin would feel against his fingers if he were the one pleasuring you, preparing you to come undone because of him.

He hears you pant as you introduce another finger, maintaining a steady pressure on your perked nipple, speeding up his own rhythm.

“Are you gonna make yourself cum, kitten?” He groans, tightening his grip. His other hand balls the fluffy comforter under him, a sort of reminder for him to stay grounded and not let himself go before time. “Are you imagining those are my fingers, stretching you out and making you feel better than yours ever could?”

“Yeah,” you whisper. “I really wish these were your fingers instead of mine, Jae, making me feel g-good.”

He runs his hand up and down, grip never softening, his rhythm constant as he takes in your words. It’s like a game of cat and mouse, tempting each other with words and movements alike, toying with your patience until one of you inevitably gives in. And it’s addicting, the feeling of his burning gaze upon your body, admiring every part of you and consuming it bit by bit. It’s good enough to remind yourself of the game you’re playing, and you remove your fingers just when the pleasure they’re giving becomes too much.

He watches with half-lidded eyes, the sudden withdrawal of your hands from your body, admiring the calmness in your face despite the eagerness in your eyes. You’re watching him too, and, contrary to you, he doesn’t allow his hand to stop its ministrations on his cock as he watches you switch positions.

“You look even better up close,” you say, placing your knees on the bed and letting your head hang close to his member.

One of your arms supports your weight as the other one snakes from under your body and finds your core again. You let out a moan when the tips of your fingers come in contact with your clit, and Jaehyun is just removing his hand from his cock when your breath meets his skin. He bites his tongue, pulling his head back as he gathers every ounce of self-control he has to keep himself from asking you to take him in your mouth.

“Don’t do that,” he says, and you barely hear him, both because you’re too focused in the pleasure that comes from the rubbing of your clit and because his voice had been way too low in the first place. It was more of a whimper than an actual request, and you had never really been as complacent as him. “Fuck, don’t do that again.”

“Don’t do what, huh?” You ask, making sure you lower your head even more when speaking. You’re sure that is what he meant not only because of the timing, but because of the way his fingers seem to grip tighter against the comforter everytime you utter a word. “Speak so close you can practically feel me?”

Jaehyun groans, muttering a quiet fuck between his teeth as he raises one of his hands and runs it through his hair. He’s practiced edging himself and has gotten pretty decent at it, but the closeness of your body has him feeling so out of control he’s on the verge of snapping.

“You’re making this really hard for me, kitten,” he whispers. “You’re making me wish I could just fucking cum.”

“God, then why don’t you,” you whine, letting yourself get lost in his holding back. “Jae, just, oh, just do it. I’m so fucking c-close.”

You increase your rhythm, rolling your clit between your fingers as you feel a familiar pleasure building in the base of your stomach. You don’t bring yourself to a stop, and you don’t think you have to, brain fogged up and overfilled with the need of release that your arm gives in and you let yourself fall onto Jaehyun’s lap. You’re so close, and your movements against your clit speed up as you moan against the skin of his thigh, shutting your eyes closed as you let the sounds come out of your mouth without caring about the volume.

Jaehyun doesn’t notice, but the hand that was just playing with his hair comes to rest on top of your back and he keeps you flush against his lap, not really exerting any force but still keeping you glued to his body. It’s the movements of your hand, the warmth of his skin and the musky scent of his cologne that lingers on his body even after a full day of work that finally breaks the tension in your body.

And it’s so much, so goddamn much, that you end up coming against your fingers as you nuzzle your face against Jaehyun’s thigh, almost but crying out his name as everything but his touch disappears from your mind.

“O-oh, fuck!” You curse, plopping completely onto the bed. “Oh my God.”

Your forehead is still pressed tightly against Jaehyun’s thigh, the hand that was previously on your back coming to rest on top of your head. You’re not sure if he simply likes feeling you on him or if he’s trying to somehow comfort you with his touch, but either way, you don’t move. Trying to regain your breath while being glued to Jaehyun’s skin proves to be difficult, but you just keep your eyes closed and take deep breaths, inhaling his scent as you do fresh air. The breaths come out as whimpers from your mouth, causing the blonde’s mind to run a thousand miles per hour as he does his best to keep you close, close, close. He doesn’t want to let go of you, and the pressure on his unattended cock has risen to the point he’s breathing heavily as he reminds himself to not cum just yet.

“That was so hot,” Jaehyun says, breathing out as he keeps his eyes set on you, and your skin, and the way it feels like it’s almost burning his own at the mere touch. “God, you’re so fucking sexy.”

He’s had his fair amount of experience, but he had never felt nearly as aroused and needy as he’s doing now, and he wonders if it’s just the situation or if what you two have is really fueling the fire that is now consuming the room. Everything feels hot, way too hot, and his mind starts spinning uncontrollably as he thinks of just what he can do to relieve himself of the heat. The cool outside breeze hits his skin but it doesn’t help, he’s merely reminded of the fact that he’s almost but begging to be touched.

And you notice. His hand shakes a little when he runs it from your head and down your back, and he jumps a little whenever you move, no matter how slightly. Despite the sudden rush of adrenaline (or maybe because of it), your senses are heightened and Jaehyun is all you can feel, all you can see. His pleasure is still rooted in the back of your mind, and you raise yourself on your elbows to come face to face with his cock.

“Do you want me to help you out?” You ask, voice growing a little shy. It’s almost as if you had forgotten what had just happened, the way you had reacted to his voice and the way he had stared at you as if his life depended on it. “I can suck you off.”

“I just don’t- fuck,” he swallows. He’s still staring at you, and a blush rises to his cheeks as he notices the mischievous gleam in your eyes. You haven’t gotten enough. “I don’t want to make it awkward for us after this, kitten.”

You smirk. The entire thing still feels like some sort of fever dream, still not completely real as you see Jaehyun sprawled out in front of you. It’s like he’s a product of your imagination because there’s no way he’s actually this perfect and so dangerously close to you after feeling so far away for far too long. He’s your roommate, and he had been just that, no matter how much you had wished he could just be something else. Until tonight.

“I just came in front of you while you called me kitten,” you say, smirk growing as you recall the nickname. “It wouldn’t be awkward for me.”

He takes in a deep breath. He can’t hide the fact that he’d been crushing on you for months - longing stares shared whenever you walked from the bathroom to your room in a silky bathrobe, or whenever he got home from the gym, drenched in sweat and with the breathy tank top glued tight to his skin. He’s wanted you, a burning desire growing wild and ravishing in the back of his mind, and he’s finally got you.

And he’s not sure if it’s wishful thinking, but the way you’re looking at him suggests you feel the exact same way about him. He’s right, and you try to communicate it with a smile, a little giggle escaping your lips as you look up at him like he’d painted the stars in the midnight sky.

“Then what are you waiting for,” he groans, smiling when you move even closer to him. “Go ahead and make me cum, baby.”

[beomcoups]

right here

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : roommateTaehyung x reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : fluff, smut, angst, bestfriends to love!au, roommates au

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 : R

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : oral sex (girl receiving), nipple play, fingering, slight dirty talk, unprotected sex, drinking, violence (shoving), ptsd, gaslighting, masturbation, accidental voyeurism

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 : 6.1k

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : You are slowly getting back on your feet after a rough breakup. Taehyung is there supporting you as you find your standing again. When a company party involves your ex, Tae becomes your date for the evening, but will events of the evening change the way you see Taehyung?

𝐀𝐍: Thank you thank you and thank you to @eatjeanjin and @jeoniius​ for looking for this for me and making this story so much better 🖤

You walk into the kitchen to grab something to eat when your phone chimes. You don’t look at it right away, too focused on getting something in your stomach to notice. It’s been a long morning already, and you had only been up for an hour, everything up until this point did not go right. Between the hot water not working in the shower to the flat iron blowing a fuse, you were ready to call it a day and get back into bed. But you have responsibilities and unfortunately, you do not have the luxury to call in sick. 

Sitting down at the table, your phone chimes again. You grab it and scroll through the notifications. Your eyes widen in shock, followed by an “oh fuck” loudly escaping your lips as you read the reminder on your calendar. You forgot you are supposed to go to an event tonight, sponsored by your ex-boyfriend, Jin, who has a significant pull at your job. 

The event is to celebrate the company’s milestone of exceeding the product quota. The event, which will be held as a party, will serve as a formal announcement of this achievement. You would kill not to go and be able to do anything else, other than being in the company of the man you ended on bad terms with. But you remind yourself that business is business. You huff sliding your phone across the table, clearly underestimating your strength, as it slides off the table, landing face down on the floor.

“Fuck!”

You hurriedly pick up your phone from the ground. Holding your breath, you brace yourself for the worst-case scenario that ends up being true: a cracked screen. You cover your mouth and let out a muffled scream, frustrated beyond belief. One of the bedroom doors opens in your apartment, and your roommate, Taehyung, saunters into the dining room, curious about the noise. He still has sleep in his eyes, his messy bedroom hair covering his face, a plain white shirt and blue sweats covering his frame

“Are you okay?” He brushes his hair away from his face.

“No,” you pout. “My screen is cracked!”

You hand him your broken phone, and he kisses his teeth, eyeing the damage that you caused.

“Well, this isn’t good,” he quips, handing your phone back.

“No shit, Sherlock,” you quip back, frustrated that he pointed out the obvious. 

You dispose of your now soggy cereal and hear him shuffling behind you, but your attention is on washing your dishes. After a while, you feel bad for being rude to him and you turn to apologize, but he is already out of the dining room. You walk to his door and knock, not realizing that his door is slightly ajar. Taehyung settled back into his bed, his laptop open. He has his headphones on his ears and he looks focused on whatever he is watching on the screen. He bites his lip, cocks his head back, and moans inaudible words. You noticed there’s movement from under the blanket on his lap. It took a minute to realize what exactly was happening in front of you. But once you have, you quickly move away from the door, turn around and finish getting ready for work in your room. 

Your adrenaline pumps as you put on your shirt. You’ve never seen him in that position before, and you will be lying if you say that it did not make you a little curious. 

You have been friends for a few years. You two met as coworkers from a former company before he quit to focus on his photography. You have always been friendly, going out to get drinks a few times or going to art exhibits, but otherwise, nothing happened. You two became roommates when your old roommate moved out, and Taehyung needed a place to stay. 

You are comfortable in telling him everything about yourself, down to your fears and what makes you tick, and he has shared things about his life that make you see him differently than others. You are friendlier with people than he is but you’ve always found his ability to read people within a few minutes of meeting them fascinating. 

Eventually, he has learned to speak and make relationships with the people he's so good at reading. Not to mention, you have similar tastes in a lot of things. You both have been through things together and separately and can hold each other accountable when you fuck up. Living together as roommates is purely a financial thing, but it doesn’t hurt that he is your best friend.

You finish getting ready for the dreadful work even though you have to be in tonight. You are in no mood to share any space with Jin, and you hate that you will be alone to suffer through this.

If only you had someone to go with…

*knock knock*

You jump up, dropping your phone in the process. But this time it falls on the carpet, your heart beating out of your chest in surprise. You open the door to find Taehyung shirtless, his bed hair over his eyes once more. A light bulb goes off in your head, and before he could say what he wanted to say, you speak your thoughts.

“Hey, I have a work event tonight, and I need us to pretend to date.”

He looks at you with a face that says he’s bewildered. He runs his hand through his thick, wavy bed of hair. 

“Let’s pretend to date,” you repeat yourself, walking out of your bedroom as if what you have been requesting of him was not that big of a deal.

“Uh, why?” He snorts as he follows you into the living room.

“I have a work event going on tonight, and Jin is going to be there. I need you to be my date,” you assert yourself, rolling your eyes in frustration.

“Yeah… no,” he says shortly.

“Please?” You beg. “I don’t want to go through this alone. I’d rather do anything than be anywhere near him.”

He doesn’t answer right away, your anxiety mounting as you await his response. 

You were with Jin for almost three years, initially meeting at the same company. It was terrible from the start, and you knew you had no business being with him. But he was charming, intoxicating even, and the sex is what kept you around. In the beginning, the excitement of a new relationship and wanting to get to know that particular person in your life clouded your judgment from the red flags that have been right in front of you all along. 

Jin is highly intelligent, fashionable, and cultured. But his habitual jealousness and possessiveness got out of hand. Every person you talked to became a problem for him, and eventually, he wanted you to quit your job and stay home with him full time. It was hard, but you had to leave and separate yourself from him, aside from work. You still get occasional text messages from him asking you to take him back or to go out to dinner with him and you run into him at the office sometimes. It makes things awkward, but for the most part, you steer clear away from him.

“Fine. Only because I know how he is,” Taehyung finally answers, flicking on the television. 

You let out a deep sigh of relief, tears almost forming in your eyes as you thank him for doing you this favor. 

“It’s ok,” he reassures you. “What time do I need to be ready?”

You tell him the time and agree to meet at the apartment, and you grab your things, leaving for work. The bitter cold air greets you as soon as you step out of the door, your teeth instantly chattering from the sensation. You hurriedly get inside your car, turning on the heat as soon as right after turning the ignition. The relief mimics how you are feeling about tonight— knowing you won’t have to do this alone, thanks to Taehyung. 

You have always said to yourself: that if anyone you dated were to talk to you disrespectfully or make you feel threatened in any way, you would leave. But with Jin, he had this talent of breaking you down and lifting you up at the same time that was so twisted that you didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late. He saw you as his prize and his possession, and no one else could have you. You started to isolate yourself from your family and friends, and you shrugged it off thinking it wasn’t that big of a deal. 

It wasn’t until you met up with Taehyung for lunch one day when you realized how toxic your relationship with Jin was.  Jin snapped at you for being with a friend... 

It wasn’t easy to break away from him. Some days, you would relapse and have sex with Jin because he was all you knew. Jin had you under his spell that made you feel like no one else could fill you up like him. You were so naive in the way that he fucked you that you did not see how he was affecting your aura and the way you shined. You were losing weight and dressing the way he thought you should look because you wanted to please him. Every decision you made was run by him first. You were walking on eggshells with him, and eventually, you felt like you were suffocating. 

You never want to lose yourself like that again, and you refuse to go back to that place. And Tae was there every step of the way, making sure you were well taken care of and that you got yourself back to normal after you had finally broken yourself away from Jin. When Jin would show up at the apartment unannounced, Tae threatened him enough that he never came up. He makes you feel protected and balanced. You don’t know what you would do without him. 

You left work early, wanting to relax before you got ready for the event. After a couple hours, you are waiting for Taehyung to let you know he is outside; You want to get this event done and over. He went out to get some clothes for the evening despite your objections that it was not necessary. It was a business casual attire event, so you opted to wear a rose gold long-sleeve blouse with white pants and shoes to match. You leave your hair up in a ponytail, your stud earrings and simple makeup are enough to meet the event's attire code.

Your mind is restless, a million thoughts flowing through your brain as you continue to wait. You are wondering if your outfit is okay or if you should just fake sickness and stay home. You keep on checking yourself through the hallway mirror, applying lipstick, or re-adjusting your hair every ten minutes. Your stomach is in knots, and you feel like you could hurl at any moment; you just want this over with already.

Knock! Knock!

You yelp before clutching your chest and leaning against the wall, inhaling big gulps of air. You count to five, pulling yourself back from a ten to a three before opening the door. Taehyung is standing on the other side, wearing a warm gray sweater with a white shirt. He also had a pair of black slacks on, matched with some black shoes that you recognize he only pulls out for suitable occasions. His hair is in a permed state, bringing out his dark eyes and a familiar smile. Your heart flutters at how good he looks, and the effort he gave to make himself look nice definitely makes you feel special. He reaches out to you, walking you out of the apartment before locking it.

“You look really nice,” he marvels as he looks at your outfit.

You thank him as you walk towards his car. He joins you before he drives the two of you to the event.  

The ride is unusually quiet, the silence making you feel nervous, even though you have been with him in his car a thousand times. You do anything to calm yourself down: you sneak glances, twiddle your thumbs, and admire how good he looks tonight.

“Are you okay? You’re really quiet tonight,” he speaks up while stopping at a red light.

“I’m fine,” you mumble, purposely not making eye contact.

“Well, let me know what I can do for you okay?” He reassures you, rubbing your knee. “I'm here for you.”

You check your makeup through the mirror on the car visor one last time before Taehyung finally pulls up to your destination. On the way there, your mind wanders to you finding him in his room, watching him pleasure himself, biting his lip in ecstasy. You close your legs together to create some friction for the heat brewing inside of you thanks to the thought. You suppress a grin, shaking the thoughts out of your head, instead, placing your eyes on the building coming into view. Tae pulls into a parking spot, and before you could put your hand on the handle, your door was already opened; his hand laid out in front of you for you to grab and exit his vehicle. 

“Do I look okay?” You ask him one last time before going in.

“You look beautiful,” he says softly while his eyes are on you as if they are gazing into your soul.

You smile and feel the warmth brew inside you because of his kind words.. You find it funny that the person that has been your best friend for all these years said such simple words but they still made you feel the way you are right now. You thank him quietly, slipping your arm in between him as you walk into the building. 

After checking in, you notice that the event has already started. You walk further in, familiar faces walk past you with small greetings of acknowledgement. You stop when you see Jin. His black hair is trimmed nicely. It complemented his outfit:  a sky blue shirt and a pair of black slacks. His cuffs are rolled up, exposing the veins in his arms that flex whenever he moves. His expensive watch and glasses look good on him along with his signature smile. He looks amazing as he goes over his speech up on the podium, in front of everyone else in the event. 

But looking at him gives you flashbacks of your time together. They were a mix of good and bad memories but overall, the thought drives up your anxiety, giving you a sudden urge to have a drink. 

“I’m a little on edge. I’m gonna get a drink,” you disclose, pointing to the direction of the bar. “Do you want anything?”

“Nah. I’m driving, remember?” Tae reminds you. “Go at it.”

You go up to the bar and request a couple of shots. With each shot you take, you start to feel yourself grow calmer. You ask for a cup of soda to bring to Tae, still remembering his reminder that he needs to drive the two of you out of here eventually.  

You glance over at your date watching him take in Jin’s words with a poker face he’s put on. But you could tell he is annoyed; he squints his eyes as he taps his fingers on the table in front of him. . You approach him, placing your hand on his back. When he looks up at your touch, you give him a soft smile. 

“Are you okay?” he whispers, grabbing your hand.

“Mmhmm,” you murmur.

You sit back down on your chair next to Tae as you return your attention to Jin finishing up his speech. Once he did, a thunderous set of applause followed. The music starts to play while the guests either gather on the dance floor or by the table filled with finger foods. 

You look up at Tae, his eyes focused on the scene, not really saying much. A couple of coworkers recognized him from his time with his company, and they struck up a conversation with him. You start to make your rounds, talking to coworkers that you feel comfortable with, almost like being able to breathe after holding your breath underwater for so long.

You look over at Tae, and he is immersed in conversation and, from the looks of it, enjoying himself. You smile to yourself, happy that he is here even though he didn’t want to come in the first place. He brushes his hair back from his face, exposing his handsome face, and your infatuation with him grows. He could be anywhere else, but he chose to be here with you. He’s always chosen you, no matter what. Why am I just now seeing this?

The music changes to a song I’m familiar with, and your colleagues move on to the dance floor. You lock eyes with Tae, and he smiles once you do. He makes his way towards you and grabs your hand.

“I know this is your song so let’s go dance,” he says as he motions you over to the crowded dancing place.

You let the music take over, moving your hips to the rhythm of the beat as he watches you. His eyes never leave yours, watching your every move before eventually moving behind you. You feel him place his hands on your hips, and the heat that is starting to grow between you two is getting hard to ignore. 

Somehow, you manage to keep yourself composed, the thought that you are still in a work event keeping you in place. The reminder of where you are made you scan the room until your eyes finally find Jin. He is sitting at a table and is surrounded by familiar faces from your job. Although he had all that company, his attention is on you as he watches you with dark eyes. 

You smirk and keep your eyes on him. You sway your hips the way you know he likes it. You make sure to taunt him and remind him that what he is seeing is something he will never have again. 

Your attention springs back to Taehyung as you feel him hold your chin to face him. He lifts it up before crashing his lips with yours. The kiss is fueled with so much passion and desire, making you feel like you want more. 

And so, you kiss him back with equal passion-- not caring where you are, you let your desire for him take over. You feel a great satisfaction like this is what I had been missing all your life. You feel his body loosen up before he cups your face. He places smaller kisses on your lips before finally stepping back. 

“Wow, that was—”

“Amazing,” he finishes my sentence. 

Jin looks pissed off, and he suddenly gets up from his seat, storming somewhere out of sight. 

“Do you want to go home?” You ask, grabbing his hand.

“Yeah,” he smiles softly. “I think we have a lot to talk about.”

Feeling satisfied, you tell Tae that you are going to the bathroom, and then you can leave. He insists on accompanying you, but you disregard it, promising that you will be quick. You walk down the well-lit hallway, making it to the bathroom right before the lights shut off. You are startled, quickly running into the stall to do what you need to do before finally getting out of this place. You check your purse, feeling relieved to see the pepper spray in your bag disguised as perfume. You wash your hands and check yourself out in the mirror one final time before leaving, bumping into someone in the way of the door.

“Oh, I’m sorry—”

You stop mid-sentence, your blood running cold, locking eyes on Jin, who had clearly been waiting for you to get out of the bathroom. 

“Really? You really thought you could tease me like that and get away with it?”

You gulp and take a deep breath, trying to get past him to go back to Taehyung. You feel a forceful pull of your arm, and Jin is pulling you back towards him, shoving you into the bathroom and locking the door. 

“What is your problem?” You scream, nursing your hurt shoulder.

“You really want me to believe that you are with this guy?” he begins. “I know you only brought him here to piss me off.”

“Jin,” you sigh heavily. “Don’t flatter yourself. You aren’t worth that kind of energy. If I had it my way, I would never see you again.”

Your words hurt him and you could tell from his pained expression that starts turning into anger. He takes you by surprise and shoves you against the wall. 

You panic, forgetting all of the self-defense you took over the years. Your mind is stuck, only playing scenes from Jin’s apartment-- food being thrown on the ground, your things being smashed into pieces, and your self-esteem dwindling down with every word thrown at you. 

You crouch on the bathroom floor with your head to your knees. As he continues to spew words of insult towards you, everything begins to sound muffled. The beat of your heart finally becomes much louder than his evil voice. You rock yourself back and forth, hugging yourself before screaming at the top of your lungs for him to shut up.

A few seconds later, you hear the bathroom door burst open. Your head springs up to find Taehyung standing next to a bunch of men from the security team. looking relieved that he saw you. His eyes shift from you to Jin. Anger blazes like fire in his eyes, and before Jin could react, Taehyung punches him. Seokjin’s head hits the wall behind him from the impact, knocking him out before security could intervene. You scramble from the floor and run up to embrace Taehyung, weeping into his shoulder. Your arms are still shaking from the sheer terror of what had just happened.

“Are you okay?” he cups your face. 

“My shoulder hurts,” you admit, moving his hand towards where it hurts.

“Did he put his hands on you?! Please tell me he didn’t.”

You look down, not ready to answer or fully admit that Jin hurt you. But your hesitation is enough of a response to his question. He walks you out of the bathroom, hands ever so careful with you. 

He is equally silent until he finally blurts out, “The nerve of that fucking guy. I am going to kill him—”

“Hey, don’t do that please,” you clutch your chest. “He’s not worth it”

“I know he’s not worth it, but you are,” he says softly

You stand there, frozen, in shock at what he said. The police arrive shortly after, and you give your statements, Jin being checked out by the paramedics before you finally leave. 

The car ride feels shorter, and neither one of you says a word, a mixture of emotions swimming inside of you. You are incredibly angry at Jin for shoving you and verbally assaulting you once again. You hate that he took you back to that place of feeling scared and helpless, but above that, you feel bad for Tae who had to see you in that state and defend you. 

You glance over at Tae and he is still fuming, his jaw clenched, his fist firm on the steering wheel as he is focusing on the road. But he is silent. 

When you make it to the house, he still opens the car door for you. He looks around to see if anyone else is around as you walk towards your shared apartment, muttering that he wanted to make sure you weren’t followed by Jin somehow. You follow him as he walks in, and you let out a sigh of relief at the thought of being back in your comfort zone. You watch Taehyung throw the keys on the couch, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, tapping his foot excessively. 

“Talk to me please,” you plead, concerned at his demeanor.. 

“Why him?” he begins. “Why did you choose him every time, when I’ve been here in front of you?”

You stare at him, at a loss for words from his question. You were not expecting this from him, he never made it known that he felt anything towards you aside from being your best friend. 

“I have been in love with you for years,” Taehyung begins. “You had me the day you walked into the door with your skin glowing like the sun. Your bubbly personality is contagious, your smile is infectious, you’re smart and you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I love how you take care of people and how you often put everyone else’s needs above yours just to make them happy. I’ve watched you go long nights, stressed about someone else’s situation because you care that much. You’re my moon and you make my world brighter in the darkness and I don’t know what I would do without you. I just love you. I love you—”

You interrupt him, overcome with emotion, by pressing your lips against his. He gives in wholeheartedly, cupping your face and kissing you back. Your body takes over as you take off his jacket and help him out of his sweater and shirt, immediately exposing his smooth figure. 

“Wait,” Taehyung pulls away from you. “Do you feel the same way? I need to know. I need to hear you say it.”

You don’t like talking about your feelings, it makes you feel vulnerable and you are afraid of people taking advantage of you. But with him, he makes it so easy for you to step out on that leap of faith. To potentially love him.

“I honestly can’t say that it's love,” you answer honestly. “But I do feel something there.”

His crestfallen look pains you and you sigh heavily, grabbing a chair to sit down. It's a brief moment of silence, neither one of us saying anything in fear of hurting one another. You work up the courage to say what’s on your mind, hoping for the best. 

“I think about the times that you were there for me when I was dating Jin,” you start. “How you made sure that I was taking care of myself and being there for me in general. You never judged me, you just loved me and supported me as a best friend. You are my best friend and I love you that way. I think in time, I can love you the way you love me as well. You keep me on my toes when I start to lose focus and you help me see the beauty in just the littlest details. I have a greater appreciation of the arts because of you and I have a better discernment of character because of you. You make me feel really good about myself and I haven’t felt that in a long time. It’s always been you and I hate that I was too blind to see it all this time.”

His expression perks up, and he bites his lip, trying to suppress a smile creeping on his face. You get up from the table, grabbing his hands softly and looking into his eyes.

“I’m not going to put any pressure on you to love me,” he assures you. “I want you to fall in love with me at your own pace. I don’t want you to feel obligated to love me because I love you, okay?”

You nod before inching your face towards his, kissing him once more. It was sweet and comforting in ways you didn’t know you needed. His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in closer and you allow yourself to get sucked in. You could feel his heart beating against his chest and you instinctively placed your hand on it, the sensation making you feel as if you are one with him in this moment. He cups your face once more, leaving kisses on your cheeks and forehead before ending it all with a tight hug.

“I know a lot happened tonight and I’m sure we’ll have to deal with everything that happened in the morning. But can I just hold you tonight until you fall asleep?”

Your heart melts at his suggestion, leaving you speechless and unable to give him a response through words. Instead, you reach for his hand and lead him to your bedroom and pat down on the bed. You both climb in, snuggling up with him behind you, his warm body and arms wrapped around you making you feel protected. 

“Good night,” you murmur, your body relaxing into his.

“Good night,” he whispers, leaving a kiss on your ear before you drift off to sleep.

The sun shines through the window, the smallest light peering through the blinds and directly on your face. Your eyes open slowly, and you feel a pair of hands around your body, and you panic, remembering the night before. You turn around quickly, expecting to see your ex but instead are met with a soft-haired Taehyung, his sleepy eyes meeting yours.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” you apologize, turning back around. “I forgot you were in here honestly and I thought you were Jin. It scared me.”

The memories of the night before replay in your mind and you shake your head, not wanting to relive it. Instead, you take Taehyung’s hand, kissing it and holding it close to your heart. 

“Thank you for being there last night,” you say. “You really had my back.”

“I would do anything for you,” he says softly. 

He leaves kisses on the back of your neck, sending vibrations through your spine, your center beginning to pool thanks to his affectionate touches. You try to ignore the throbbing in your core by biting your lip and balling your fists up as a distraction. 

But soon enough, your carnal desire for him overrides your self-control. So you turn around to kiss him more while sliding your hands down his chest.

“I love you,” he says in between kisses. “I’m going to prove it to you.”

His kisses become stronger, his thirst for you apparent as he trails his lips down to your neck, sucking on your bare flesh. His hands move up your blouse, sliding your bra up and fondling your breasts. His cool hands excite you, clutching each one as he lowers his head to pull each mound into his mouth.

“Oh my god,” you bite your lip. 

His tongue swirls around your nipples, sending jolts throughout your body, moans coming out of your slightly parted mouth. His long fingers find their way to your pants, slowly undoing the button and sliding his finger down to your clit. He rubs it softly, his mouth never leaving your breasts. 

“Shit,” a breathless moan escapes your lips. 

You slide your pants and your panties off all at once, finally exposing yourself entirely bare for him. He lowers his head further, kissing a path down your stomach until he reaches your sweet nectar. His fingers find your entrance and he doesn’t wait before he slips two fingers into your tight hole. The sensation immediately makes you feel stuffed and full. 

He thrusts them steady while his thumb caresses your clit. He looks deep into your eyes, never losing eye contact as he gives you the pleasure you have been desiring from him.

“You feel so good around my fingers baby,” he coos. “I have to taste you.”

You’re holding your breath as you feel his tongue attack your nub, sucking on you in a carnivorous nature, his saucy actions taking you by surprise. You never knew he had this in him, a hidden devil underneath his grin, sinfully finger fucking you into oblivion, tasting you as if you were the only thing in the world he wanted. 

He deepens his kiss on your center, massaging your clit with his tongue making your barriers shatter down. You feel your stomach coil and so you grab onto his hair, gripping it tightly as your orgasm ripples through you. He slips his fingers out, sucking all of your juices and then some. The sensation makes you cum again after a few minutes. Your hands intertwine with his, your legs buckling from oversensitivity and his refusal to stop tasting you. 

“Tae, stop. I can’t take anymore,” your voice sounds hoarse and shaky as you beg him.

He chuckles and pulls away slowly. Your view is filled with his beautifully sculpted face that has your essence splattered all over it. His eyes are dark, lustful and you are sucked into his spell. Your eye contract breaks when he pulls down his pants and boxers, revealing his manhood. He caresses himself, all while keeping his eyes locked with yours.

“Oh god,” you can’t help the words slip out of your mouth from the sight.

He chuckles while he bites his lips. He moves you closer and takes your hand only to wrap it around his length. Your hands rub along his shaft softly, your kisses becoming sloppy, your desire for one another setting each other ablaze, lost in the passion you set before yourselves. 

"This is the best day of my life," he says as his hands explore the rest of your body.

You start to get on your knees but he stops you, motioning for you to lay back as he climbs over you. You hold your breath as he enters you slowly, his girth filling your tight hole quickly. You relax when you look into his eyes and feel his sincerity towards you. Never in a million years would you imagine yourself in bed with Taehyung. It almost feels like a dream even. Is this even real?

His movements are slow at first, allowing you to adjust to his size. You cling onto him, your nails starting to dig into his skin. He pulls out and slams back into you, the motion causes the bed to shake. As he carries on with his pace, you feel his hand around your throat as he gazes deeply into your eyes. 

The sounds of your moans and the slap of your skin with his echo through the walls. Sex fills the air as he continues to demolish you with no mercy. 

“Nobody is ever going to fuck you the way I can,” he grits his teeth while saying this.

You can only nod feverishly, the euphoric feeling of being fucked this way has taken over your senses, including your ability to form coherent words. He’s irresistible: sweat glistening on his chest, his beautiful hair swaying with his rhythm, his magnificent jawline clenched, focused on you. It’s driving you mad.

“I want you to watch me fuck you,” he demands, holding your head up a little.

The sight of watching Taehyung pummel you, his thick cock sliding in and out of you so ferociously that it sends you over the edge. Your free hand finds your clit, rubbing it harshly until you come undone around him. Your screams are silenced by his lips, but this doesn’t stop him from continuing his thrusts. A few thrusts later, you feel him coat your insides with his release. His back arches as he moans your name. 

“Fuck,” you gasp in between breaths. “I was not expecting that.”

He kisses you once more, and you can feel things are going to be headed in the right direction from here on out. You know that a relationship with Taehyung is uncharted territory, but it’s something you look forward to exploring.

“I’m going to make you happy, okay?” he promises while kissing the back of your hand. “I’m going to be your guy.”

You nod, believing every word he says., You hold him close and feel his heart beating as fast as yours. You look at your golden boy, brushing his hair back to reveal that handsome face of his. He returns your look, his eyes full of love and you fall in, not regretting one moment. 

“Do you want to take a bath with me?” You offer, getting out of the bed.

“I’ll do whatever you want,” he sang, suddenly picking you up carrying you into the bathroom, wedding style.

“I’m yours.”

[nihyunluvskookie]

“you should’ve known by this time”

“Changkyun one shot”

Pairing: Im Changkyun x female reader

Genre: Fluff

Warning: There’s none because it’s fluff

Word count: 1.5K

Author’s note: it’s my first time writing changkun’s one shot, yes, he finally made me write because the amount of changkyun I’m consuming every day is insane, really. And I can’t believe I wrote his fluff, I was wondering how did it turn out, hope anyone reading this would like it, happy reading:)

We were sitting on my bed; I was sitting on the corner of my bed and he was in the middle of the bed. I was holding his hand and he was holding mine with a tight grip. He was holding me tight probably because he’s scared, I will fall off from the bed since I was literally on the corner of my bed. I was trying to click his picture from there in my phone. The hand, I was holding was stretched out and another hand was gripping my phone, I was so focused on the phone’s camera because I was trying to click his picture without any filter and he was bare faced. Once I clicked and he heard the sound; he pulled me towards him, making me shove the phone on his face. The way he pulled me, it caught me off guard, I am somehow glad he couldn’t hear my heart beat, which was beating like crazy. The proximity kills me at times, because my heart doesn’t know how to stop reacting from this close proximity. I looked at him, retracting from the position which we were in earlier, he was still holding my hand, “you look so freaking good and handsome even though you’re 4 years older than me hump!” I meant it, he looked so good like so fine in bare face. Sometimes I look at him and think, how is he even older than me? he is just so good looking, I feel like I don’t appreciate him enough.

He was laughing, and his cute dimples were visible, one day I wish I could actually dive into his dimples, but I am keeping these fantasies to me because I shouldn’t let these feelings grow any deeper, he is my neighbour Changkyun who happened to be my crush and then he is the idol I.M for the world “and look at me” I told him, with my sulky face, his face changed from a smiling one to an unreadable face. He was staring at me, I took this as a chance and went to the different side of the bed to click his picture from a different angel, he probably caught it and he was covering his face with the other hand because he was still holding me with one hand.

“See you look so good, no doubt your fans love you and are head over heels for you” and before I could say anything more to him, he pulled me again and this time he wrapped his hands on me, his chin was on my shoulder. I was too shocked to react, anything. I could feel my heartbeat and his as well, basically mine was beating faster than his, which was very expected because of the proximity.

His lips were near my ears and he said “you look pretty as well and I am glad no one claimed you yet, because” afraid that I would fall because of him, my other hand made its way to his waist and I wrapped my hands around his waist, his lips touched my ears, my skin “I want you as mine”

A shiver ran down my spine, I couldn’t think of anything else for a moment. Thank god my face was on his chest and he couldn’t look at me, my face was red, because of the blush and I hate the fact blush is always noticeable on my face.

The urge to fight back or ask him why was he flirting with me like this, he should know that he is not allowed to do this with me, because my heart can’t take it. My heart just responds to everything he does.

I couldn’t believe what he asked me, “you don’t believe me?” his words were telling my mind a thing and my heart other thing, how badly I wanted to believe him and wanted to escape right now, I couldn’t face him, “you should’ve known by this time… because I… love.. it… when… you….” he trailed off, our cheeks touched, I could feel him turning his face and his lips were just few centimeters away from my cheeks, to have a contact.

I would die for this, my heart was beating so fast, having a crush on him, was so dangerous. As if he just doesn’t kill me with his voice and his dimples. I felt a slight brush of his lips on my cheeks and I heard my mum’s voice. I got a chance to escape because if I stayed here a single second more with him my heart would go crazy and I wouldn’t have any control over myself and I would end up kissing him even before he says anything to me.

“Yah, mum came let me go I'm hungry” and I pushed him, went away. I left him on my bed, I wanted to run away but I couldn’t because mom might see me like this, all red and might ask. No one knows about my crush and the deep feelings I’m having for Changkyun. I went out of my room as normally as I could. He was coming after me, I went to kitchen and he followed me. “Mum” she looked at me and then she spotted him.

“Ah, Changkyun is here as well? Did you bring her home?” we were out for a small gathering with friends and he took me because he said he wanted me to come, and since I was bored at home, I accompanied him also because he came back home after a long time and I wanted to see him.

“Yes, I brought her back home, she was bored there” I shot him a look, it was him who looked bored so I told him, let’s go back home and he suggested he would stay with me, until my mum comes back home.

I hit him on his arm, “YAH”

“WHAT?” he eyed me, “go back to her room, I’ll bring fruits for you guys and Changkyun you came home after a long time, don’t you miss me or her?” my eyes widen the moment my mum mentioned me, why would she say that, “MUM when did I-

“I missed you, and I missed her a little more this time and it’s been a long time since I last visited.” he should stop saying stuffs like this because my heart can’t take more.

“We are going back to my room mum” and I walked towards my room, the moment we entered our room, he closed the door behind me, and held my hand, I didn’t look back at him, not yet.

He pulled me in his embrace, he hugged me from back, and slowly my mind understood what was he doing, he was back hugging me, his arms around my waist, holding me with delicacy. My breathing stopped; I couldn’t react.

“Stop here for a minute” I nodded, without knowing what to do next, I turned to look at him after few seconds passed. His eyes looked at mine, way too intensely, I was lost in his eyes, “I didn’t lie when I said I missed you a little more this time” his hands trailed up to hold my cheeks, his fingers were caressing my cheeks, “really” his eyes softened, “I missed you, what about you, didn’t you miss me?”

How was I supposed to answer to him when his touches were doing things to my mind and my body, “I… did, I

Before I could reply him, with ‘I did, I missed you, as if missing wasn’t enough, I just wanted you to come back home, just to see me, I wanted to see you, infornt of me’. His lips touched mine, my eyes closed as if this felt like a dream, his lips were soft, softer than a feather. His other hand went to my waist and pulled me closer, my hands were resting on his chest, after few seconds he pulled himself back.

He was looking at me, his hands were resting on my cheeks, they were holding me, his touch was so soft, I forgot to speak and breath. I took a deep breath and told me, what I wanted to tell him, “I missed you, more than you could miss me, I wanted to hear your voice, I wanted to see you infront of me, just me, I wanted you to come back home and see me, even if it meant for a second, I just wanted to…” I was startled by his sudden move, he turned me, and my back touched the wall of my room, I was about to continue, and he kissed me again, this kiss was different, from the earlier, one. This was more like he was claiming me, the way he told me he would claim me. He stopped kissing me and said “you’ve no idea how much you drive me insane.” He was holding my chin.

“I didn’t lie when I said I wanted you as mine, because I want you to be just mine and waited to know you more, so here I am.” I was so taken aback from his sudden confession; my mind went blank when he kissed me again.

[puppywritings]

distractions

pairing: mark lee x lee donghyuck x male reader word count: 320 description: you’re trying to cook dinner with your boyfriends, but after a few glasses of wine, distractions come easily. a/n: mentions of alcohol masterlist consider buying me a coffee!

"May I take this dance?” Donghyuck spoke, offering his hand out to Mark.

“Certainly, good sir,” he responded, taking Donghyuck’s hand.

Chuckling at their antics, watching your boyfriends as they danced around your kitchen, to the music that was playing from your speakers. You sauntered to the counter, grabbing the bottle of wine and refilling your glass, which was pitifully empty - not that you really needed a refill. You had already consumed enough to be happily light and tipsy. But what was one more glass, really?

You took a sip, and jumped, almost spilling the remainder, when you felt a pair of hands land on your hips.

“Come on, Y/N, dance with us,” Donghyuck whispered from behind you, his breath tickling your ear.

You put your glass down and swayed with him, moving to the light music. His arms snaked around you, holding you tightly as he pressed his lips to your skin. You tilted your head, giving him access to your neck, which he nipped gently, causing you to squeak.

Mark’s voice came from across the small kitchen. “I don’t think I should be watching this,” he commented. “I don’t think I’m old enough.”

You turned your head to catch him in your gaze, smirking at him. “Shut up.” You beckoned him over, placing a hand on his waist once he was in your vicinity. You leaned into him, locking your lips with his in a passionate kiss.

"Not to ruin the moment,” Donghyuck spoke, squeezing you gently, “But I think the bolognese is burning.

You braced your hands on the counter, doubling over with a laugh. The situation wasn’t exactly hilarious, but after those few glasses of wine, you couldn’t help it. You felt Donghyuck release you and leave, presumably to save your meal, and Mark ruffled your hair gently. You laughed again, filled with pure joy at the domesticity of this time spent with your boyfriends.

[notnctu]

[4:13pm] it wasn’t everyday that you would treat yourself to boba, but today, you had tackled two midterms in a row and since it was on the way back to your apartments, you thought why not?

normally, you wouldn’t pay attention to the coworker since you were always socializing with your friends. come to think of it, you have probably never came here alone before.

as soon as you walk in though, you realize why you probably don’t go in that often. there is a guy, his back facing the register balancing at least eight cups on his head as his coworkers are filming him.

you start slowly walking towards the register and one of the other coworkers and his eyes widened.

“lucas someone came in,” he whispers, but not quietly enough for you to not hear.

“oh shi-” he whips around and all the cups topple to the ground. he doesn’t even look back at the mess he makes and just flashes you a large grin.

“he-hey,” his face reddens a little.

“hi,” you say slowly, but before you can say your order, his coworkers start loudly arguing about who has to make the drink, surprising both you and lucas.

“guys can you shut up,” he turns around and his deep voice surprises you even more. “i’m trying to take this very pretty lady’s order.”

did he just call you pretty? or does he call everyone pretty?

“so what can i get you?” he tries to smile again, but you can see him pressing down his irritation as his friends are mumbling and rolling their eyes as they clean up the mess he made.

“uhm, i’ll just have a winter melon tea with boba.” you smiled back at him.

his eyes immediately shoot up from the cup he’s writing on and somehow his smile grows ever wider.

“oh my god, see ten! i’m not the only one who likes winter melon!” he turns back around yelling at one of the guys in the back.

“bro, just take her goddamn order, she’s been sitting there watching you be an idiot for like 5 minutes now.” the shorter male rolls his eyes as he blows his bangs out of his face.

“my bad,” and he zips back to you, his large eyes facing you again. suddenly, you realize how tall he is as he bends over to the screen to type in your order. “can i have a name for the drink please?”

“uhm, y.n.” at this point, you just feel like your just reciting your word, but he’s looking at you as if you two were having an actually in depth friendly conversation.

“alright! y.n, pretty lady,” he grins. “just slide your card and you’re free to go!”

while you wait for your drink, you watch as the three men share snarky banter and small shoves here and there. you didn’t realize that this boba shop was filled with such attractive people.

as you see the other guy bring your drink to the pick up counter, he starts frowning at lucas. lucas only gives him back a wink, leading the other to roll his eyes again.

“y.n, pretty lady, your winter melon tea is up!” he says, smiling regardless of the ridiculous name he just called.

blushing, you walk up to the counter, trying to grab the drink as fast possible, but he continues to talk.

“so, can i get you anything else?” hendery, as you could see his name tag on his apron now, says.

“no thanks, i’m good.” you grab the drink, trying to quickly finish your unexpected rollercoaster in this boba shop.

“come back soon pretty lady!” lucas’s deep voice roars behind you. “we need more winter melon lovers here!”

you turn around briefly as you push the door open to leave, only to be met with a quick wink and a slight grin from the tall broad shouldered male.

with your blushed face now being hidden as you walked out of the store, you thought that maybe the cute bobarista was the reason you were looking for to come more often after your classes.

[potatzu]

🐹💀🥁🥊