#kpins
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aespa banners 4/4 #stream hotmess!!
#aespa supernova#across the spiderverse#artists on tumblr#asexual#barbie#donald trump#easter#margot robbie#michael cera#chappell roan#hot to go#kpop pngs#kpop moodboard#kpins#kpop layouts#kpop icons#y2k icons#y2k pngs#cottagecore#2000s#2000s scene#hot mess#kpop aesthetic#profile picture#matching pfps#pfp#discord pfp#anime pfp#twice#bts army
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First bowl of cereal for 2025 made it through another year sadly 🧡
Klonopin Crunch 🥣🍊
#drugblr#drug blog#drugcore#tw drugs#drugs cw#drug overdose#drug addikt#benzo#drug junkie#benzodiazeplease#kpins#benzo addiction#benzodiazepam#benzodiazepine#benzo baby#drvgs#prescription drugs
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Pills pills pills
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I'm losing my mind.
Been suffering from benzo withdrawal for almost 2 months now. I think. I stopped counting.
Starting tapering by 1/8 of a mg on March 1st. I decrease the amount every 2 weeks. I'm not at the point where I'm almost completely off of it. Only a few days left.
So far, I've experienced:
agitation
irritability
increased anxiety
flu-like symptoms for a few days after about 3 weeks of tapering
muscle tension
mild nausea
muscle jerking
restless leg syndrome
probably other things that I'm forgetting
those last 2 symptoms (#9 not included) are the most prevalent right now. The only real reason I'm writing this is because my phone is updating and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. But I NEED to talk about this, even if it's just to myself in journal form. and I'm currently being driven up the wall by the nerves in my right leg. It feels like electricity is shooting around my kneecap and down to my ankle. This is the most uncomfortable I've been since the early withdrawal symptoms.
Early on I found someone via Twitter who has gone through the same thing as me, and I've since adopted her as my "sponsor", for lack of a better term. She's been very helpful. I feel very lucky to have her help me along this journey.
This is the second time I've attempted to taper off klonopin. The first time I failed after 2 weeks. About a year and a half before that, I had experienced pretty bad withdrawal symptoms after running out of meds for 36 or so hours.
I'm tired of these symptoms. They're not nearly as bad as I was expecting, probably due to tapering so slowly. But it's still hell.
As I sit here, super uncomfortable, moving my leg every 30 seconds to feel the least bit more comfortable, I remind myself how easy it would be to just take my previous full dose and have all of this over with. Just go back to normal. Sure, I'd become a slave to this drug again, but I'd have my sanity and my comfort back.
I've been on klonopin for 7-8 years. I didn't want to get off of it. My psychiatrist insisted. I thought about getting a new one. The long-term effects scared me, but so did the withdrawals. Now I'm in limbo. I have been since March 1, 2023. I'm frustrated.
To give up is so tempting.
#klonopin#drugs tw#drug blog#withdrawal symptoms#withdrawal tw#benzo withdrawal#benzo addiction#benzodiazepam#kpins#dependance#tw substances#substance dependence#rehabilitation#tapering#drug relapse#venting#life update
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klonopin is godsend
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#bloodyluck#benzodiazeplease#kpins#Alpazolam#happy pills#tw drvgs#grunge#horror#s3lfh4rm#sh thoughts#xanax addiction
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Ready for abduction??
#gbc#lil peep#gothboiclique#melanie martinez#gothic#goth aesthetic#gothgoth#gothcore#goth girl#ghost gang#ghost boy#ghost#ghost girl#girls who do pills#sex and drugs#kpins#blackout
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SATURATED ILLUSION inspired edit
#art#dreamcore#dreamy#cloud rap#lil bo weep#ethereal#etherealcore#weirdcore#my edit#collage#heavencore#pillcore#kpins#ambien#aesthetic#dream aesthetic
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A fresh script and a few norcos from my homie for helping them with their surgery recovery (well that last of what they gave me) 😂😂
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Don't mix kpins and DXM
I was and currently am completely fine
I just got high as fucking shit
And because of that specific combo and since I couldn't take one of my sleep meds
I had a really, reallyyy weird dream where I borderline overdosed because of the shit I mixed
And in the dream I was just crawling on the floor to the bathroom trying to figure out how to tell someone I may have OD'ed again so I can get help
My jewelry and piercings kept falling out
All the lights were on
And my string lights and LEDs were all on the ground
And when I finally passed out in my dream
(falling asleep in a dream...hmm weird)
I woke up so fucking confused
My lights were all in place
I felt fine for the most part
Just still kinda buzzin'
Y'know?
#grunge#poem#poetry#420daily#smoke#spotify#sad poetry#how to be grunge#coquette#emo#weird dreams#medicina#kpins#sick rn
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Can you tell I’m fjcked up on benzos
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with xanax u can take like 2 or 3 and feel it in like 30 mins like aight this nice for a couple hours
with klonopin u take 2 or 3 and u go hmm idk if im feeling much so u take like 3 more and then go hmm i kinda feel something 1 more and then like 4 hours later they all kick in together and u go oh shit my eyes
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*skipping*
Gonna go to the doooooocterrrrr
*happily clapping my hands*
Gonna get some kpinnnssssss
*lil kick jump*
Gonna get a lot of emmmm and nod tf ouuutttt
#pills aesthetic#xannyfamily#xannyland#nod squad#noddsquad#tw pills#pill core#pillcore#xanax#kpins#kpin#yipppeeee
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Budget Walmart Medic
Ratchet x reader
ch7.
Prev (AO3)
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Warnings: Graphic descriptions of incorrect medical procedures, Character on the verge of death, Bad writing, Drugs, Mentions of suicidal ideation, PTSD, its 4am and im not proofreading or reformatting, saving that for when i post on ao3
“Fuck this shit.” You utter to yourself as you slam the door of your apartment closed. Sliding your back down the door to fall to the ground as you clutch your hair. Is it really too much to ask people to respect your decisions? Besides, it was just a metaphor for what you were feeling. Everyone says ‘Oh I’m gonna fucking kill myself!’ but most don’t mean it. Are all Cybertronians this stubborn? Sighing as you push yourself off the door and tossing your keys to the kitchen counter. Fine, sure, you’re a little suicidal, but just passively. It’s been years since you’ve visited grippy sock jail anyways.
But you’re just so mad. Respect is always something to be valued. You didn’t choose to be in this world, and you’d be damned if others don’t respect the choices you do. Even if it means death. Slamming your head against the fridge as you reach to the cupboard and grab a pill bottle. You haven’t been this pissed since your ex. The little white bar with the letters XANAX engraved twirls in your finger before you decide to pop it down. Not even bothering with a glass of water as you just dip your head into the sink and drink it straight from the tap.
Why are you so pissed? It’s just a passing comment that you’ve heard a million times before, yet something boils in you. Is it because your past few days have been nothing but chaos? Have you even had a chance to take a breather and process it? –And no, a cigarette break does not count.
No. There’s something more to it. Is it because Ratchet said it?
Giving up, you decide to end this shit before it gets even more complicated. Classic too scared and scarred to be involved in anything, so you cut off everyone before anything happens. But in this situation, it’s completely acceptable. Alien robots telling you want to do?! If you weren’t being locked up for trying to hurt yourself, you’d be locked up for psychosis at this rate.
One more all-nighter. You tell yourself. Contact Raf and ship the damn guy off and be done with your problems. Poor Raf. Being such a young age and already wrapped in otherworldly business. Either he has a will of steel or just doesn’t know any better. Or maybe it’s not actually that bad. Refusing to entertain that thought, you slide your computer chair back and flop into it.
A child wouldn’t be awake at this time anyways. Typing away as you let your thoughts wander. He’s on the run too right? You feel a pang in your chest as you realize a child can’t even enjoy a good night’s sleep. Probably with that sleek muscle car napping in the back. How you wish you could offer him a hug and a good night’s rest.
Wait.
So why don’t you?
You’re not affiliated with any governments, the Decepticons don’t know you, and you have a spare bed. Besides, you were already on your way to contact him.
Hastily typing out a message as you feel the effects of the Xanax kicking in. Another day saved by drugs. Lord have mercy you probably need rehab after all this. Locating Raf’s number wasn’t that hard, everyone has a social media account these days. Even kids. The real kicker is getting it through without detection. Opening up Scapy as you slog away encrypting each packet.
By the time you’ve hit send, It was already dawn. Another successful all nighter. You take a moment to lean back and relax, knowing it’s now done. Sluggishly dragging yourself over to the fridge as you nibble on a block of cheese –hey protein right? And flop back into your chair, pulling up your music to relax.
You were so engrossed in your music and just catching up with your breath that you didn’t even notice there was a little figure outside your window. Being on the ground floor meant not only bugs, but apparently also creeps.
What the fuck.
Carefully, you pulled back the curtains. If it was any other day, you would have ran into the bathroom and locked yourself up. But viva la drugs! What you find… Is Raf. Along with the black muscle car fully transformed standing on the lawn. Your landlord is gonna be pissed. She spends hours planting those flowers and now..? Yikes.
Hurriedly, you grab your keys and head on out to meet Raf. They sure got here quick? How even? Has it been that long since you sent the message, or can that car just drive insane speeds? Under the dark, you don’t notice much, but the moment you let Raf in, –and told the autobot to lay low and get off the lawn, you realized a surprising problem. Raf is hurt. Barely holding it together.
Scrambling as you pick him up and lay him on your bed, you check for his vitals, the ABCs. Airway seems to be intact, breathing is there, if a little bit shallow. And circulation.. well you don't know. but he’s bleeding with wounds everywhere and you feel your blood boiling. He’s only 10! (he’s 12) how can anyone do this to a child?! You wanted to offer him solace and a good night of rest, not like this!
Flying out your door once you made sure Raf is breathing, as you head to his car companion to find some answers. Only to be replies with bleeps and bloops. Great. An autistic boy with an autistic car. And Raf is in no shape to translate, so the next best is… ah shit. Ratchet. The same one that’s got you all stressed out. Shoving your emotions aside for the nth time of the day, as a life is more important, adrenaline pumping through you, you bolt downstairs into the garage.
“RATCHET! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!” You yell out at him, huffing and panting from running.
Ratchet, still in his little world, under stasis, does not budge. You don’t have time for this! For fuck’s sake! Not another near death’s door! Completely pumped on adrenaline, you smack him, kicking his wheels, banging on his windows and eventually climbing into his hood to smack the windshield. Gosh you wish you brought a crowbar.
Just as you were about to pick his lock and just drive him out, when the medic stirs.
“WHAT IN PRIMUS’ NAME ARE YOU DOING?!” He shouts back. Clearly not liking being forcibly woken from stasis, or appreciating some human crawling all over him causing damage to him.
“We have a situation, Ratchet.” You try to explain to him as calmly as you can. But underneath that, there’s a tinge of stress and panic. “Raf’s not doing good. He’s here.”
For the second time of the night, Ratchet nearly forgot he’s underground and smacks the ceiling trying to transform. Pieces of concrete fall down between the two of you.
“IS HE INJURED??” Optics widened, half transformed, half kneeling down. Raf. He’s been through so much. Dark Energon, and now this! FRAG! And he can’t even contact June or anyone without endangering everyone. He feels so helpless again. Panic also waves through him. realizing just how useless he is again. Again.
Your voice snapped him out of it. “He’s in my apartment right now. His breathing is shallow, airways are clear, he’s losing blood as we speak… ah! But that Camero is here too. I can’t make out left or right about what he’s saying though! Ratchet! Lets go!”
Still grounded in fear, his processors disconnecting as he’s reliving his trauma of how he couldn't do anything for Raf the first time, and how Bumblebee is here too –Another reminder of how he’s failed everyone. Optics widened as he shakes in place.
“RATCHET! FUCK! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!”
You call out again, as you kick his leg.
“OW! YOU FRAGGING-”
He caught himself before he did anything, realizing you just snapped him out of it. Transforming fully back into his vehicle mode, as you scramble in and direct him over to the main streets, where the other Autobot is.
You let the boys figure out what happened, as much as you’d like to stay back and have a full recount on what happened, Raf is your priority. Running fast as you can back into your building, with how stressed and uncoordinated you are, slamming into the door before you even turned the doorknob like an idiot. When you finally make it in, you’re greeted with a child that’s half your side barely hanging on a thread.
You want to just break down and cry. You don’t know him, but this is not it. Everyone deserves to enjoy life. With the last of the Xanax countering you adrenaline, you get to work. “Sorry Raf. Sis is gonna have to take a look at you. Or try anyways.”
Ratchet and Bee are busy arguing about what happened. That a decepticon managed to trace his alt mode– even with the new paint job. Particular because they noticed Raf. Gunning for the child, relentlessly firing one after another to him. Bumblebee did everything he could to protect Raf, but it was not enough. Both of them sustained severe damage. Ratchet nearly wanted to scream and shout at Bee for being so reckless to have gotten Raf into this situation, but Bee interjected that after they managed to get into hiding, Raf’s phone got a notification. With whatever strength the kid had, he relayed that contact with you was established. And instantly they peeled off, going way above traffic limits, speeding off on the highway in the night to meet you. After all, Ratchet is with you.
Ratchet’s energon lines were nearly boiling. He snapped at Bee. He can’t do anything for humans! And he can’t even contact June! He couldn’t even fix Bumblebee’s voice box! He feels like a failure! And Raf! The one child he’s gotten close to, is now utterly helpless!
As the two boys argue outside, you’ve already started to work on Raf. Context to what happened would be nice, but a critical situation does not afford time for it. Raf is drifting in and out of consciousness, but with whatever words he can explain, he’s pointed out he’s gotten shot, as well as several metal shrapnel had embedded into him.
You’re full of rage. But thankfully for you, stress fuels you. Instantly snapping into work mode, you bring out your medkit. A kit that’s more of a duffel bag littered with supplies that’s probably half expired. Regardless, it’s the best we can work with. You don’t even noticed the two autobots staring outside your window as you work away on Raf.
Do they send him to a human hospital? They certainly can, but will human doctors know what to do when these are energon infused weapons? Would Raf’s family be contacted? Will that endanger the whole hiding in secrecy more? Ratchet is losing it, kicking away plants and punching trees, while Bee is desperately trying to calm him down, despite being hurt himself.
You hear the commotions outside, but are completely tunnel focused, locked into working on Raf. Raf explains he’s struggling to breath, and you noticed one of his lungs is working over time, and the other is very shallow, rather than breathing together, they’re alternating. Considering he was hit with a chest, its not uncommon for it to have developed into tension pneumothorax. You really hope it isn’t, as that’s not a procedure that should be performed in some drug addict’s apartment, but shortly after, his breathing stops. This is not good. There wouldn't be enough time to call for emergency services. Technically you have an emergency vehicle already, but said vehicle is not versed in human medicine. The good Samaritan law right? Either you do something now and hope it brings him back, or he’ll die. or die trying. There’s only one logical option.
Hurriedly cutting his clothes off, as you feel around on his collapsed lung. A child should be two ribs down. Digging on your bottom shelf for vinyl gloves, shoving it on and praying Raf isn’t allergic to anything, you grab your box cutter and quickly swap out the current blade with a new blade. Snatching the vodka on the coffee table and pour it all over your hands, the blade, and a plastic tube you’ve managed to fish out.
Following along the collapsed lung, tracing along his ribs till you���ve counted two, as you press the tip of the blade into the skin, slowly with accuracy, cutting in inches deep before making the cut horizontal across his ribs. If you had more supplies and time, you would have done this with a needle for safety, but fuck! You're convinced you've used up the last of the needles shooting up morphine! Coming back to reality as you work swiftly inserting the tube into his lung, and instant 'pppssshh' hisses out from it.
Ratchet and Bee at this point, have basically glued their faceplate and optics by your window, zooming in into what’s going on. Ratchet recalled that you said you were not a medic, but yet you’re performing with accurate precision. This may be illegal in both Earth and Cybertronian terms, but he can't help but be in awe with how steady your hands and focus on Raf is. Bumblebee however, noticed that you’re completely stressed. Vibrating like a leaf as he points it out to Ratchet. He takes notice as he pulls his optics away from your work, to realize just how scared you are. Clenching your teeth until it’s sore, then swapping to biting your lips until the blood is cut off, moving back to gritting your teeth. He can sense your breathing is all over the place, mostly forgetting to breath as you hold your breath until tears are welling up.
With a gasp, Rafael manages to suck in a breath.
“Easy there Raf. don’t breath too hard. You have a collapsed lung. It probably hurts right now." You tell him.
Subconsciously, Ratch runs a scan on both you and Rafael. You were correct. He did in fact, had tension pneumothorax. And he now is breathing. Still gravely wounded with blood leaking, but able to breath. You on the other hand, physically are safe, but the amount of adrenaline is sky high, and he can see your blood pressure and heart rate reaching the unhealthy range. Powerless to help you two, he wanted to beat himself up. Thankfully, Bumblebee bleeps a few beeps reassuring that you know what you’re doing, and Raf is in safe hands. (Little did Bee know, you in fact, do not know what you’re doing.)
The poor barely conscious boy gives you a nod and you can feel your adrenaline wearing off. Not yet. We still have things to do. He still has bleeding wounds to stop before he’s stabilized. Poor kid is bleeding all over your bed. Fishing in the first aid kit as you grab an EpiPen (totally expired) and stab it into yourself, followed by popping a few pills of Ativan to help sedate the effects.
Ratchet does not understand what is going on, but detected the adrenaline wearing off, cortisol levels rising, only to instantly be replaced with another wave of adrenaline. Is that what you injected?! Why would you purposefully do that?! He was caught in these thoughts when suddenly, a flashback came to him. When he was so desperate to figure out the Synthetic Energon that he tried it on himself… You weren’t testing drugs on yourself… you were desperately doing it to make sure you can continue to save Raf’s life…
Last push you tell yourself. Stop the bleeding and you can have a break. Fueled with too much adrenaline, you instantly start working. Raf will be in such pain you thought. Digging your hands back down the bag for the last vial of morphine you have, -graciously stole from the hospital during your last visit. You mentally calculate how much you need, for a boy this age. You have his age and estimate of height… but his weight? You’re terrible at guessing weights. With no time to think, you suddenly realized something. If Ratchet was able to scan out that you had energon in you, can he scan Raf’s weight? Last thing you want to do is accidentally overdose the poor boy into death. Spinning your head back as you nearly get jumpscared by two bots glued to the window, you slide open the glass.
“Quick Ratchet. What’s Raf’s weight?”
Caught off guard as he was completely focused on your wellbeing, he quickly resets his vocalizer and take a look at Raf’s weight, Giving you an estimate.
Wanting to be on the safe side, you decide 1mg should be enough, not enough to knock him out, but at least subdude the pain. Not like you have local anesthesia or have time for lidocaine creams to work. Realizing you in fact, did have one last sterile needle that you saved from safe needles exchange clinics. Never did you think this was what it was going to be used for. Drawing out what you feel is about 1mg as you tie a tourniquet around Raf’s arms, slapping it a couple times until you can see the vein. Children have small veins, and you’ve opted for a butterfly needle. Thankfully he seems to have better veins than you, and you push the morphine into him. Telling him he’s okay, he’ll feel better soon.
In a moment’s time, Raf is peaceful sleeping, no doubt from the stress and his body finally giving up. But also a symptom that the drug has kicked in. It’s showtime. Making an effort to clean his open wounds with rubbing alcohol as that vodka is totally gone. You work as swiftly as you can, with nothing but a fucking sewing needle and nylon fishing wire, you zone in and start his sutures. It’s been a while since you’ve ever sewn up anything, but once you got into the groove, it was surprisingly relaxing.
Half an hour later, you find yourself done with the major bleeds, finishing off the smaller cuts with a mix of butterfly bandaids and normal one, you proceed to apply medicated gauze over the larger more likely to be infected wounds. Mentally drifting off to how expensive these were, but instantly pulling back to the problem at hand. Finishing up as you bandage him up with rolls of gauze and securing it with medical tape.
Ratchet at this point, could not believe what he was seeing. You, who claimed to not have been a medic, just went through with a complicated surgery, as well as sutures. He wondered if the day he met you was also a life saved by you.
By now, the adrenaline has started to subsided. The parasympathetic nervous system is now starting to take over. Making your way over to the bots as you tell them, Raf is out of critical condition, but he still needs to be in a hospital.
Ratchet is in a turmoil, he know Raf needs to be seen by a proper medic, yet he also know they not only need to lay low, but humans would not know how to even begin diagnosing Raf with energon blasts. “If only we could contact June…” He mumbled.
“June? Who’s that?”
“Jack’s mother, a nurse. Someone who’s aware of our presence.” He curtly replied.
Who is even Jack??
“So– We just need to contact her right?” You already know where this is going, seems like the day is far from over.
“Without detection of course.” Ratchet tagged on. “I have her number if you need it.”
That’s all you needed to hear. Giving him a nod as you flop back into your computer chair and once again, send an sos signal –fully encrypted to this said “June”. You’re fighting your body to stay awake now. The cortisol and benzodiazepines are practically taking over. With the message sent, you slice a little of your windscreen open, and shove the spare keys into Ratchet’s servos.
“I sent her a message. You let her in when she gets here, okay?” As you look out the window. Ah shit. They’ve ruined the whole front yard now. Is that a broken tree?
Ratchet, still having a hard time processing what in Primus’s aft just happened, and Bee just as lost. Without a second thought, you pass out right at your computer desk. You could just hope the bots don’t get in any trouble until June arrives…
#transformers#ratchet x reader#transformers x reader#rambles#transformers x human#budget walmart medic#i took 2 kpins to get through this...#yes i know the procedures are wrong#any surgeon in the house to help me...?#i have surgery in 8 hours... goodbye
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Been so long since I made a gif type thing so lil rusty but I'm pretty happy how this turned out!
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Somehow have unintentionally done a sober September due to being broke/traveling/plugs being dry and its probably for the best but it’s times like these I realize how bad my problem is bc I know if I had preferred substances in front of me rn I would be goneee and that scares me. Like I have no self control it’s just these outside factors stopping me
#**sober besides prescriptions and kratom so not even…#but also I have kpins and haven’t used those in multiple months which is kinda big but also I hate kpin now
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