#korean kids style

[itstokkii]

issues with calling or headcanoning sk as america’s child

 or, a deep dive and evaluation of sk-us relations over the years as a south korean

Recently, I saw a post where someone gave their hcs of america pursuing a relationship with nk, which resulted in sk’s “birth.” then nk was afraid this new child would usurp their title and basically cause them to die, and so wanted to kill this new child before that happened. then america intervenes and “saves” sk. I believe this is the quick version of that headcanon. 

I’m not trying to make this a callout post, I’m just giving my own thoughts based on experience living around US bases(Yongsan specifically)

As many have pointed out, this reeks of stereotypical “evil asian mom and chill/cooler white dad,” as well as us imperialism apologia. It also reminds me a lot of madame butterfly in a way? Additionally, it basically ignores the fact that South Korea has its own culture and existence long before US imperialism. 

If the US is like sk’s “dad” in a sense, then wouldn’t that ring true for other cold war states, like south vietnam, or west germany? 

I’ll leave my thoughts under the cut. This is the longest thing I’ve ever written.

CW, TW: war, colonialism, imperialism, SA, rape, murder

Primary issues with the headcanon

Throughout Korea’s history, there were times where Korea was unified, and times where Korea was not. There have also been splits of different states, north and south. I point to the Kingdoms of Goguryeo and Silla during the Three Kingdoms Period, and even before then with Gojoseon and Jin. So this split is not exactly new, and this is why I personally disagree with the headcanon that North and South Korea were babies around the time of the split, and rather that they represented Goguryeo and Silla. 

The Korean War had stemmed from a desire to reunite the two states. Kim Il-Sung had pursued this and that started the war, and even Syngman Rhee pursued this ideal as well after the UN forces recaptured Seoul, resulting in that further push to invade North Korea. But this desire would have never existed if they weren’t split to begin with and remained whole as they did since 700 years ago with the establishment of the Joseon Dynasty. The Korean War was not willingly fought by both South and North Koreans. 

It was a result of imperialist states splitting us up and then pitting us against each other(even the split was quite hasty, with families being split across the border), so it’s also wrong to draw parallels of SK fighting for its existence in the Korean War and the US during the Revolutionary War. One was fought to stay alive as a nation, and of which can be traced to outside forces laying their influence on the Peninsula, and one was fought willingly and of their own accord. 

So it’s important to remember that the War was not because of an attempt to kill a “child” made by North Korea and America, it was the result of a nation that has been unified as one for 700 years being split suddenly, and the desire on both sides to reunify, albeit under their own management. Additionally, the idea of South Korea being “a child” of the US ignores the centuries-worth culture and history that was not influenced by the US and propagates the idea that we belong in the US’s shadow, and that without them, we have no identity. 

South Koreans affectionately refer to the US as our “brother state,” but never think of the relationship as a parent and child. Remember that.

Next, we’ll talk about the role of the US in this. 

While doing some research into the split, I found that after Korea was liberated in 1945, a socialist government(People’s Republic of Korea) was organized and supported by the majority of the population. This made the most sense. There was a vast gap of inequality between the Korean peasants, and the Korean nobles(who were given/maintained that power by betraying their Korean identity and working with the Japanese), so they advocated for social reform, such as land reform. However, the US wanted to set up their own military government(which for some time had actually supported the Japanese colonial government). So the US censored and then outlawed the popular government, putting themselves in charge and keeping advisors such as former Japanese colonial officers, wealthy landowners, and businesspeople. You know, the exact people the popular government was against?

This government then set up elections. The majority of Koreans didn’t want that, because they knew that these elections would divide the country and leave no hope of unifying. So they protested, but they were put down by police and the US military. It might also be worth it to read about the Jeju Massacre, in which Jeju people protesting the UN-backed elections were brutally suppressed by Syngman Rhee and the US Military. This killed about 10% of Jeju’s population. Though the South Korean government has issued an apology, we have yet to hear from the US. 

So the US set up a government that supported a military dictator(it started with Syngman Rhee) and continued to support a long chain of these military dictators(who sent pro-democratic people to concentration camps) even during the Gwangju Massacre, when many pro-democratic students protested against the dictatorship and the then-president Chun Doo Hwan responded by commanding the military and police to fire on citizens. Though official government figures place the deaths at 200 people, citizens of Gwangju say it’s closer to 2000 people. 

I only found out about the concentration camps this year, and it’s because the South Korean Government, who wants to stay on the US’s good side, actively represses the role of the US in the military dictatorship. I’m pretty sure the US’s role is also barely taught in Korean history textbooks, since the government has tried to rewrite and issue textbooks themselves. 

Recently, the grandson of Chun Doo Hwan(the president that ordered the military to shoot on the protesters, and also was supported by US Presidents Carter and Reagan), apologized on behalf of his grandfather and family, who had constantly told him it was just a riot when he was a kid. He also took the time to expose his family, friends, and even his own money laundering crimes. He personally visited Gwangju and gave a full floor-level bow in apology. This was a first step in the correct direction. However, the government, especially with Yoon Seok Yeol’s pro-US and anti-NK sentiment, is trying not to shed light on these issues, and it’s why I believe a lot of people tend to continue to favor the US, because they don’t really know or are aware of the US’s full part in our military dictatorship. 

Another interesting read would be the Namyeong-Dong Anti Communist Investigation Office, a former prison facility and torture room for pro-democracy protestors.

Now for the existing US impact on South Korea: The USFK

The USFK(short for United States Forces Korea) is the Korean branch of the US Military. They have an active presence in South Korea since 1957, which is about 65 years ago. 

Not many Koreans have an Anti-American sentiment, but the USFK has consistently caused it to resurge throughout the nation. 

In 2000, it was found out that the US military had dumped about 20 gallons(75L) of formaldehyde into the Han River, which at the time was a main drinking source for about 12 million people in Seoul. 

They carelessly ran over two 14-year old girls(Shin Hyosun and Shim Miseon) with one of the US military’s armored vehicles in 2002. What made things worse was that the US Military Court found them not guilty. In response to the incident and other grievances with the US military, PSY actually rapped a song called “Dear American” written by a South Korean band criticizing them, mostly regarding the US military and their involvement in the Iraqi War, which he later had to apologize to the US military for rapping after he got famous singing Gangnam Style.

The US military was also involved in forced prostitution and human trafficking. In 1992, Yoon Geum-i, a military sex worker, was raped and killed brutally by Private Kenneth Markle. He was tried and initially received life in prison, but then later his sentence was reduced to 15 years in prison after Yoon Geum-i’s family received $72,000 as compensation from the US government. In 2006, he was released on parole and then deported to the US. @tianshiisdead further goes into detail on this on her post about these headcanons.

In 2020, it was found that the major camp of the USFK, Camp Humphreys, was hosting a no mask COVID party while the Korean government was urging locals to limit in person gatherings as the cases were surging. The party was on a Friday, and on Monday it was found that 408 USFK-affiliated individuals tested positive for COVID.

The South Korean government pays them to stay here... and do what? Cause trouble? 

The USFK and US funding the ROK military has led to the ROK military being one of the strongest. However, we are not allowed our own weapons, and the US constantly attempts to provoke North Korea through any presidential remarks, or actions. This keeps South Korea reliant on the US, and allows for a continued presence in South Korea.

Conclusion

All of this is why it’s so important to keep checking back on how you see Korea and America’s relationship in Hetalia. As positive as current relations may be, it’s important to remember the many failures on the US’s part to keep their military acting like decent human beings at times, and that they literally caused the split along with the USSR, and made it permanent through the suggestion and implementation of elections, which Koreans on both sides largely did not support. 

South Korea has one of the highest positive perception rates towards the US. This may be due to their hand in helping us develop as a nation and also providing aid during the Korean War, but it may also be due to the suppression of the full extent of activities the US has partook in South Korea, and due to the Anti-North Korea sentiment that was also propagated by the US. 

Also, the fact that Americans also call the Korean War “The Forgotten War” is so frustrating to me. Did we just... not matter in the long run? We’re just a pawn, or a strategic location, right? The separated families, the civilian casualties(which was a higher rate than WW2′s and the Vietnam War), the devastation of so many cities... just didn’t matter? Maybe you forgot, but it’s impacted us and our decisions for years. Just goes to show how selfish the US can be...

As much as I do wish one of my favorite ships were one of complete happiness where nothing is wrong, this is not the case, and I am trying my best to express that in art or headcanons. It is important to acknowledge that the 70-year long relationship, though sharing some positive, unproblematic moments through cultural exchange and joint collaboration in the modern era, is characterized by a lack of trust on South Korea’s end, largely due to how the US has wronged us over the years. 

[saturdayssvillain]

TT

[bonaesperanza]

I have Covid so I'm doing a Mr. Sunshine rewatch because I can't focus on anything else and after finishing ep 1 it's already making me S C R E A M with how good it is.

Everyone is depicted with such nuance, and knowing that the main characters will actually be the children unwillingly carrying on the legacy of what happens in this episode makes me note things that I didn't the first time around.

They have all, in one way or another, been failed by the unjustness of their country and their environment, and the show explores the various ways of trying to deal with it and to make sense of what's going on around them in light of that, and knowing this makes even the mean-spirited, near-cartoonish anger and villainy of the antagonist actually make sense: "My country failed me, it never did anything for me, so I will tear it apart and sell it piece by piece to forcibly take what it never gave me" actually seems almost like a reasonable reaction in light of all the death, injustice, and general callousness going on. But then on the other hand you have the soldiers who pretty much know that they've been sacrificed and left to die by the leadership, but also know that no matter the unjustness of it all there's nobody else standing between them and the innocent civilians.

Basically I really like this show because it doesn't shy away from the shittiness of the situation and the reasonable anger - the victims of colonization are far from perfect and idealized, their social structure was cruel to large swaths of its population - while also having a core of "fighting for what's right is worthwhile even when it's hopeless because there are innocent people worth defending", and "people don't have to be perfect blameless victims to not deserve oppression/colonization" and I like this a lot.

[amarenacherriezzz]

Very important question that every girl asks herself at least once in her life, or if you're like me, at least once a month.

[turning4-8turn]

[230729] 😇

[seokmattchuus]

So vcha really is gonna promote in korea?

[devotedlyuniquepatrol]

[webshood]

random Jason Todd hc's:

He has cauliflower ears

He's not necessarily catholic, but Catherine was a bit before she went on her addict espiral so he likes to go to church on her birthday and deathday

One of his ear lobes had to be stitched back together after a spar with Damian went wrong

Stephanie unintentionally got him into skincare so now he has a morning and night routine, he has all the top quality expensive stuff

He uses "women's" body lotion, so he's always smelling like jasmine and almond oil

His hair was very curly growing up, but after his dip in the pit it's more on the wavy side, Talia calls it his placenta perm

All his teeth grew back from zero after the pit so he had to use braces again and is stuck with retainers until his league assigned dentist says otherwise

He attends med school out of spite – gotta get that doctorate before anyone else in the family –, but everyone on his course loves him

Once he went undercover to a gym, spying on a villain and got swarmed by gym bros asking his workout routine, what he did for bulking and for his Instagram

Did modeling for one of his college friends as a favor once and people from the fashion department are bitter because he won't model again

Wanted long hair, but Dick has a mullet, Tim's hair is on the longer side, Damian's hair is long – but spiked – and Duke's locs were getting pretty long too, so he asked for a shorter haircut and got hit with the kdrama CEO haircut, carries around a tiny straightener to style it everyday, otherwise it looks weird

Has people stationed in every part of Gotham, from the working girls, drug trade, schools, government workers, the gcpd, every major company, kids also pass along messages like a big game of telephone

All of his lieutenants have a name related to red someway: Ruby, Valentine, Brick, Rusty, Sangria, Blaze

He's his own right hand man, Blaze, people are more open to him as Blaze and are mostly likely to spill or tell things to him they wouldn't dare to tell Red Hood so he uses it to keep his gang "clean"

Sangria is completely enamoured by Red Hood, but would throw a shoe at Blaze's face without thinking twice, Jason finds it funny

He was on the book club, theater, MUN and the choir during his time at Gotham prep , he was training to join the baseball team too, before shit hit the fan

Uses the British version of words/speaks with an accent constantly, since Alfred was the one who tutored him on stuff from the school years he missed

Talia sent him to a korean martial master and he had to learn how to do aegyo to survive, he sometimes will forget that he's a very large man and act/speak cutely whenever he's in the vicinity of an ahjumma, they usually find him adorable

[dreamdolldeveloper]

back to basics

mostly free resources to help you learn the basics that i've gathered for myself so far that i think are cool

everyday

gcfglobal - about the internet, online safety and for kids, life skills like applying for jobs, career planning, resume writing, online learning, today's skills like 3d printing, photoshop, smartphone basics, microsoft office apps, and mac friendly. they have core skills like reading, math, science, language learning - some topics are sparse so hopefully they keep adding things on. great site to start off on learning.

handsonbanking - learn about finances. after highschool, credit, banking, investing, money management, debt, goal setting, loans, cars, small businesses, military, insurance, retirement, etc.

bbc - learning for all ages. primary to adult. arts, history, science, math, reading, english, french, all the way to functional and vocational skills for adults as well, great site!

education.ket - workplace essential skills

general education

mathsgenie - GCSE revision, grade 1-9, math stages 1-14, provides more resources! completely free.

khan academy - pre-k to college, life skills, test prep (sats, mcat, etc), get ready courses, AP, partner courses like NASA, etc. so much more!

aleks - k-12 + higher ed learning program. adapts to each student.

biology4kids - learn biology

cosmos4kids - learn astronomy basics

chem4kids - learn chemistry

physics4kids - learn physics

numbernut - math basics (arithmetic, fractions and decimals, roots and exponents, prealgebra)

education.ket - primary to adult. includes highschool equivalent test prep, the core skills. they have a free resource library and they sell workbooks. they have one on work-life essentials (high demand career sectors + soft skills)

youtube channels

the organic chemistry tutor

khanacademy

crashcourse

tabletclassmath

2minmaths

kevinmathscience

professor leonard

greenemath

mathantics

3blue1brown

literacy

readworks - reading comprehension, build background knowledge, grow your vocabulary, strengthen strategic reading

chompchomp - grammar knowledge

tutors

not the "free resource" part of this post but sometimes we forget we can be tutored especially as an adult. just because we don't have formal education does not mean we can't get 1:1 teaching! please do you research and don't be afraid to try out different tutors. and remember you're not dumb just because someone's teaching style doesn't match up with your learning style.

cambridge coaching - medical school, mba and business, law school, graduate, college academics, high school and college process, middle school and high school admissions

preply - language tutoring. affordable!

revolutionprep - math, science, english, history, computer science (ap, html/css, java, python c++), foreign languages (german, korean, french, italian, spanish, japanese, chinese, esl)

varsity tutors - k-5 subjects, ap, test prep, languages, math, science & engineering, coding, homeschool, college essays, essay editing, etc

chegg - biology, business, engineering/computer science, math, homework help, textbook support, rent and buying books

learn to be - k-12 subjects

for languages

lingq - app. created by steve kaufmann, a polygot (fluent in 20+ languages) an amazing language learning platform that compiles content in 20+ languages like podcasts, graded readers, story times, vlogs, radio, books, the feature to put in your own books! immersion, comprehensible input.

flexiclasses - option to study abroad, resources to learn, mandarin, cantonese, japanese, vietnamese, korean, italian, russian, taiwanese hokkien, shanghainese.

fluentin3months - bootcamp, consultation available, languages: spanish, french, korean, german, chinese, japanese, russian, italian.

fluenz - spanish immersion both online and in person - intensive.

pimsleur - not tutoring** online learning using apps and their method. up to 50 languages, free trial available.

incase time has passed since i last posted this, check on the original post (not the reblogs) to see if i updated link or added new resources. i think i want to add laguage resources at some point too but until then, happy learning!!

[meo-eiru]

What's ur inspo for art? ur art style is so cute... any art advice?? Jajsjdkkaka, I understand if u wanna gatekeep 👁👁

I meant to answer this several days ago but couldn't find it in the sea of asks welp

Anyway as I mentioned before we don't gatekeep art related stuff in this household, artists help other artists.

Honestly it's hard to name an inspo but I do have artists I look up to a lot (this might be a bit long)

Kanisuke, you guys might be familiar with her, she's the artist of the upcoming yandere inside game Yandere Town. I know it's not out yet but I'm actually obsessed with this game and have even translated all the character intros (they are a bit old atp so there might be some mistakes) and actually if you see a Yandere Town related post high chance it's from me. Not only her art but I love her writing style as well.

Hakuri-sensei, their manga Sachi iro no One Room is definitely one of my biggest inspirations. I love the relationship between Sachi and her "captor" and it's the only manga I actually cried my eyes out while reading.

Tayu-sensei, all of their work for Yuugen Romantica (one of my fav drama cd series) are breathtaking and they've also developed even more since then, their current works are just so stunning and I love studying the way they draw hair

Shirahama-sensei, she👏is👏a👏queen👏 honestly I don't have much to say, go read Witch Hat Atelier it's an artistic masterpiece and a giant love letter to art itself

Furumi-sensei, another queen! She's the artist of my favorite Fate Grand Order character Ashiya Douman. I've even bough her art books before, honestly she is just so talented. I don't know what she was drinking when she came up with Douman but I need some of it

Usagi Routo-sense, another fgo artist AND JUST LOOK AT HOW INCREDIBLE THEY ARE AT USING COLORS LIKE??? HOW??? Their art is like cocain for my eyes I could look at them for hours

AU, one more fgo artist and oh my god guys this person right here is one of my biggest inspirations just look at their drawings. I'm not kidding I actually spent hours just inspecting how they shade outfits. I'd sacrifice my soul just to get a chance to watch them draw live

☝︎ FAN, an Ashiya Douman fanartist and god guys the comics they draw!!! They are the cause of some of my current biggest fetishes ngl

Oyo-sensei, an fgo artist and is also the main artist of 18trip. They have such a clean art style that's very pleasing to the eye. I especially love the reference sheets they draw.

Shibatora-sensei, she is the artist of my FAVORITE drama cd series Shinai naru Thanatos and my overall favorite yandere character from any fiction Seo Eito. Honestly if you know me irl probably the first thing you'd mention about me would be my chronic Shinai naru Thanatos addiction because based on what everyone says I start speaking about it within 2 weeks of meeting someone new.

ORKA, the artist of A Stepmother's Marchen. Anyone who knows that manhwa probably knows why she's on this list, her art has so much soul and passion in it, literally every single panel looks like a painting and it makes me want to cry just looking at it

82 Pigeon, an incredible incredible Korean artist, I think they also give art lessons? I really tried to get them but couldn't figure out how. They also have a youtube channel and I learn a lot just by watching their speedpaints

[duachai]

원죄 ORIGINAL SIN PT 1 - YECHAN | 82MAJOR

When you call my name, it's like a little prayer, I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there

♱ PAIRING : YOON YECHAN X MALE READER

♱ SYNOPSIS : M/n and his sister Daena reluctantly attend a church event, where they meet the enigmatic Yoon brothers, including the quietly intense Yechan. As subtle tensions build between M/n and Yechan, M/n is left feeling both intrigued and unnerved, unable to shake the sensation of being deliberately drawn in.

♱ CONTENT WARNING : This writing contains explicit sexual content and mature themes.

♱ AUTHOR'S NOTE : This was lightly inspired by this Korean film titled the same

LINKS : Wattpad | Kofi | Part 2

“I promise it’ll be good for us!”

That’s the statement she had been saying for the whole week. But this time, it wasn’t about the cramped, buggy one-floor apartment they’d just moved into. This time it was the church right next to the elementary school she had attended when she was younger here in Ontario.

“Mom,” Daena groaned, a little disoriented as she rubbed the spot of her nose where her septum piercing was. Of course, she had to take all of her scary piercings out, wear a nice sundress, and not the ungodly splash of dark blacks and purples she usually wore. “I really don’t understand. We’ve never been religious. Plus… what about M/n?”

M/n, her twin brother, stood on the church's stoop with his arms crossed. He scratched at his neck, irritated by the itchy fabric of the cashmere sweater he’d been stuffed into. He’d also had to take out his piercing, cover his tattoos, and style his hair so his eyes and ridiculously long eyelashes were visible. Oh, and he was supposed to hide the fact that he was out of the closet here in this place too. Great.

Tapping his scuffed white sneakers against the pavement, M/n sighed, “I’m fine. Can we just go in already? It’s so fucking cold.”

His mom huffed, “Alright, but none of that. Do this for me.” She wagged her finger in his face briefly, then set her back as she walked in her best dress-up wedges up the rest of the stairs. This wasn’t just some nostalgic trip for her. The church was also where most of her new coworkers went. One of the kinder ones had even invited her to join. To her, this was a chance to finally fit in.

The twins shuffled behind her like reluctant ducklings, keeping their heads down as they stepped through the entrance. At the front, a woman was setting out stacks of pamphlets, her expression focused until she spotted their mom.

“Mrs. Yoon!” Their mom exclaimed, the woman looking up from her tidying up the paper books. Her focused face turned into a bright smile.

“Oh Kara, please call me Hyeri, no need to be formal.” She said in a shy whisper as she reached out for a hug. While their mom and Mrs. Yoon embraced, M/n and Daena stood awkwardly a few feet away. Their hands hung in front of them, and after a quick glance at each other, they bowed slightly, just like their mom had drilled into them whenever they met another Korean family.

Haneul smiled brightly, “Nice manners. You must be M/n and Daena. Oh my, you two look so alike,” Haneul looked back at Kara, “Are they twins?”

“Yep, 14 hours of labor these two,” Their mom sucked her teeth dramatically, “Two peas in a pod, just like their father.”

Daena pressed her lips into a fine line at the mention of their father, but the two adults were too busy chatting it up they didn’t even notice the twins following behind looking at each other with annoyance.

As Mrs. Yoon brought the family of three down to her row of pews, she turned to the twins. “You two should head downstairs to the bible study. My two boys are down there as well as some of the other kids!”

“That sounds fun, right?” Kara’s tone was overly bright as she elbowed Daena, her eyes practically begging. Please, for the love of God, just go along with it.

M/n rolled his eyes and sighed, shifting his shoulders back. “Fine. We’ll go, Mom. Whatever.”

Awkwardly, the twins shuffled back toward the entrance, their mom’s hopeful smile burning into their backs like a spotlight. They reached the stairwell and hesitated before heading down. The narrow staircase creaked under their feet, leading to a dim hallway lined with small rooms on either side. At the very end, light spilled out of an open door.

Inside, about ten kids sat around a circular table, colorful Bibles scattered in front of them, all open to the same page. A low hum of chatter filled the room, mixed with the occasional rustle of pages and a quiet laugh.

As they stepped closer, M/n’s throat felt tight, the collar of his sweater pressing uncomfortably against his neck. His fingers fidgeted with the sleeve, tugging it further down his arm as if to double-hide the tattoos already hidden beneath the thick fabric. He stole a glance at Daena, who looked just as out of place, her shoulders hunched slightly as she fiddled with the hem of her sundress.

Neither of them said a word, but the awkward tension between them spoke volumes.

“Oh, are you two here for Bible study too?”

The voice came from a blonde girl who had just turned around, catching sight of the twins. Her cheerful tone was paired with a distinct Canadian accent. “I’m the youth leader. Come on in and grab a seat.”

Before either of them could respond, she gestured enthusiastically for them to follow. She led them to the table, her upbeat energy completely unbothered by their obvious reluctance. “You can sit right here next to the Yoons,” she said, motioning toward two empty chairs.

The twins glanced at the seats and then at the pair of Korean teens already sitting there. The Yoons looked about as lost and overwhelmed as they felt, their postures stiff and their expressions blank.

M/n hesitated for a moment before finally dropping into the chair with a resigned sigh. Daena slid into the seat next to him, muttering a soft “thanks” to the youth leader, though her voice barely registered.

The other kids around the table stole quick glances at the newcomers, their curiosity thinly veiled. On the opposite side, two girls exchanged hushed whispers, giggling softly as they eyed the twins—though their attention lingered a little too long on M/n. One of them nudged the other, her cheeks flushing as she stifled a grin.

As the group began flipping their Bibles to a new passage, one of the Yoon boys silently slid his Bible toward M/n. His movements were subtle, almost hesitant, as if he’d already picked up on how out of place the twins felt.

M/n glanced at the Yoon boy, his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise before giving a small nod of acknowledgment. He took the Bible, his fingers brushing over the worn edges of the pages as he adjusted it in front of him.

At the top of the pages, colorful Post-it notes were stuck haphazardly, filled with scribbles in both English and Korean. Some notes had doodles in the corners, while others listed verses or thoughts in rushed handwriting. Each one was labeled with the name “Yechan” scrawled neatly at the top, standing out among the chaotic writing.

M/n’s eyes lingered on the notes for a moment, his fingers brushing over one of the edges as he tried to make sense of the mix of languages and ideas. He glanced back at the Yoon boy, who gave him a small, shy smile before looking away, fidgeting with the edge of his own Bible.

Daena caught the quiet exchange and nudged M/n’s thigh with hers under the table. When he turned to her, she raised an eyebrow, a subtle smirk tugging at her lips. He rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the slight smile that crept onto his face.

The rest of the session went on like that—small, shared glances, whispered comments between the twins, and the occasional stifled laugh when one of the girls across the table shot M/n another not-so-subtle look.

When the session finally ended, the twins were making their way back through the hallway when the Yoon boys caught up with them.

“Hey, sorry we didn’t talk much earlier,” the older boy said, his voice polite as he dipped into a slight bow. “I’m Keeho, and this is my younger brother, Yechan.”

Yechan offered a small wave, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his sweater. “Nice to meet you,” he said quietly, his gaze flicking between M/n and Daena before landing on the floor.

Daena stepped in to lead the conversation. “I’m Daena, and this is M/n,” she said, nodding toward her brother. “We’re the kids of your mom’s coworker. We just moved here, actually.”

“Like, just moved?” Keeho asked, his tone curious.

“Yep,” Daena confirmed with a slight shrug.

“Where do you guys go to school?”

“Oh, uh, I go to an all-girls school,” Daena replied, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “And M/n does school online.”

“Oh, okay,” Keeho said, nodding slowly. “I was just curious because most of the kids here go to the same school. But honestly… we don’t really mingle with them much. We don’t exactly fit in.”

Daena chuckled dryly. “Tell me about it.”

Before anyone could say more, a sharp beep followed by a soft vibration drew M/n’s attention. He glanced down at his smartwatch, tugging his sweater sleeve up just enough to read the message. He didn’t even notice that part of his tattoo had slipped into view—though Yechan definitely did.

Yechan’s gaze lingered on the ink, curiosity flashing in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything.

“Oh, shoot,” M/n muttered, lowering his arm quickly. “It’s Mom. We should head back upstairs.”

As the four made their way back upstairs, M/n and Yechan fell behind their more talkative siblings, both of them awkwardly stealing glances at each other. There was a quiet tension between them, unspoken but palpable, as they lingered just out of earshot of Daena and Keeho.

M/n glanced at Yechan, who quickly looked away, his cheeks faintly pink. They both seemed unsure of what to say, the silence between them growing heavier with every step.

When they finally made it upstairs, the twins stepped outside to find their parents still deep in conversation. As they approached, the topic of lunch came up.

“Why don’t you guys come with us for lunch?” Mrs. Yoon asked with a warm smile. “The place we always go has amazing Korean food. I know you’re probably dying for a real homey kind of meal, Kara.”

Kara raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Homey kinda meal, huh? You’re not wrong,” she replied with a grin, clearly excited at the thought of a good, home-cooked-style meal.

The Korean restaurant bustled with life, the warm lighting casting a cozy glow over the large booth where the families gathered. Kara slid in first, followed by Daena, Keeho, and Mrs. Yoon. Mr. Yoon took a seat at the end, leaving M/n and Yechan to share the other side of the booth.

M/n hesitated, glancing at Yechan before sliding into the booth first, tucking himself against the wall. Yechan followed, sitting stiffly next to him, leaving a small but noticeable gap between them.

As menus were handed out, Kara turned to Mrs. Yoon. “It’s a shame your daughter couldn’t come. What’s she up to today?”

“She has gymnastics practice,” Mrs. Yoon said with a proud smile. “She’s been working hard for an upcoming competition.”

“Gymnastics? That’s incredible!” Kara said, her enthusiasm genuine. “Daena used to compete back in Vancouver. She loved it.”

Daena perked up at the mention. “Yeah, it’s been a while, but I’d love to get back into it.”

Mrs. Yoon’s eyes lit up. “Oh, Mina would love to meet you! Maybe they could practice together sometime.”

“That sounds perfect,” Kara said, turning to Daena with a grin. “You could use a friend here.”

While the adults chatted, M/n glanced sideways at Yechan, who was studying the menu intently. Not wanting to seem rude, he spoke softly. “Um, do you come here a lot?”

Yechan startled slightly but looked over at him, nodding quickly. “Yeah, it’s… one of our favorite spots. The kimchi jjigae is really good.”

“Oh. Cool.” M/n smiled faintly, looking back at his menu. After a pause, he added, “I’ve never had it before. Is it, like, really spicy?”

Yechan’s lips quirked up in a small smile. “Not too bad. You should try it.”

“Maybe I will,” M/n murmured, his fingers fiddling with the edge of the menu.

The silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable, but neither seemed to know how to push the conversation further. Every so often, their shoulders brushed as Yechan shifted slightly, and M/n felt a blush creep up his neck.

“Hey, what are you two whispering about?” Keeho’s voice cut in from across the table, making both boys freeze.

“Nothing,” M/n said quickly, his voice slightly higher than usual. He ducked his head, pretending to study the menu again. Yechan turned back to his own menu, his ears tinged pink.

The dinner wrapped up without much fuss, the table full of empty dishes and the air light with easy conversation. Kara and Mrs. Yoon had spent most of the meal reminiscing and swapping work stories, while Keeho and Daena kept the energy up with their playful banter. Yechan and M/n barely exchanged words, though M/n felt Yechan’s quiet presence beside him like a shadow he couldn’t quite shake.

When the group finally stepped out into the cool evening air, M/n quietly slipped away from the group, drawn toward the brightly lit window of a record store nearby. The neon “OPEN” sign buzzed faintly, its light reflecting off the glass as M/n pressed closer to the display. Rows of vintage records caught his attention—Guns N’ Roses, Boney M., and some SOTD vinyls prominently displayed.

He let out a soft breath, his fingers twitching at his sides. This was his kind of space, somewhere far removed from the suffocating politeness of dinner and the confusing tug-of-war inside his head.

“You like that kinda music?”

The voice, soft but clear, made him stiffen. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“Yeah,” M/n said after a pause, keeping his eyes on the display. “I collect them. When I can afford it, anyway.”

Yechan moved to stand beside him, his reflection appearing faintly in the glass. He didn’t say anything at first, just slipped his hands into his coat pockets and tilted his head as if studying the display himself.

“You’ve got an interesting taste,” Yechan said finally, his tone casual but his words landing heavy, like he was trying to say more than he let on.

M/n glanced at him, his gaze flickering briefly before returning to the window. “Yeah? Didn’t know you’d be into this kind of stuff.”

Yechan chuckled, the sound low and warm. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

M/n swallowed hard, the tension from dinner creeping back into his chest. It wasn’t just the words; it was the way Yechan said them, like he was deliberately pulling at a thread M/n didn’t want unraveled.

“Anyway,” M/n said, shifting on his feet. “I should probably—”

“You’ve got a tattoo.” Yechan’s voice cut through, soft but firm.

M/n froze for a moment, then glanced down instinctively at his arm, realizing the sleeve of his sweater had slipped up slightly. The edge of one of his tattoos peeked out, the dark lines stark against his skin.

“So what?” M/n muttered, tugging the fabric back down.

Yechan’s lips quirked into a faint smile, but his gaze stayed steady. “Nothing. Just didn’t expect it.”

There it was again—that strange undercurrent, like Yechan was circling him, trying to draw something out. M/n felt his pulse quicken, and for a moment, he couldn’t tell if it was annoyance or something else entirely.

“I should get back,” M/n said abruptly, stepping back from the window.

Yechan didn’t stop him, but as M/n turned away, he caught the faintest flicker of a smirk on Yechan’s face in the reflection.

The walk back to the group felt heavier than it should have, and even as they said their goodbyes and piled into the car, M/n couldn’t shake the feeling that Yechan had gotten under his skin in a way he wasn’t sure he liked—or understood.

Back at the apartment, the bathroom mirror was fogged from the warm air rising from the sink as M/n and Daena stood side by side, reclaiming their identities piece by piece.

Daena twisted her septum piercings back in, her reflection smirking at her brother. “You okay? You’ve been quiet since dinner.”

“I’m fine,” M/n replied curtly, focusing on threading his earring through the hole in his lobe and cuffs back at the top of his ears.

“Sure you are,” she teased, nudging him lightly. “You looked like a deer in headlights the whole time. Or maybe more like a deer being stalked.”

M/n paused, glancing at her through the mirror. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Daena raised an eyebrow, leaning closer to inspect her nose ring. “You tell me. Yechan barely looked at anyone else, and you? You looked like you didn’t know whether to run or… something else.”

M/n scowled, but his pulse betrayed him, quickening as he remembered the way Yechan’s eyes lingered, the way his voice had dipped just slightly, like he knew he was throwing M/n off balance.

“Whatever, I’m not falling in love with the church boy,” he muttered, shoving his cartilage piercing back in and turning toward the door.

Daena shrugged, watching him go with a knowing smirk. “Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

Alone in his room, M/n sat on his bed, his fingers idly tracing the edges of his tattoos through his sleeve. He couldn’t shake the feeling Yechan had left behind—a strange mix of curiosity and unease.

Hunted. That was the word Daena used, and as much as he hated to admit it, she wasn’t wrong.

M/n lay sprawled on his bed, the dim light of his bedside lamp casting a warm, hazy glow across his room. The soft hum of distant traffic filtered through the partially open window, a quiet backdrop to the storm of thoughts swirling in his mind. He stared up at the ceiling, his chest rising and falling in a slow, uneven rhythm.

Yechan’s face lingered there, vivid in the soft shadows. The way his dark eyes had locked onto M/n, steady and unreadable, was impossible to forget. There had been something unsettling in that gaze—like Yechan had been looking at him, through him, peeling back the layers he kept hidden.

M/n shifted under the covers, his skin prickling with an almost unbearable awareness, and his hand traveled down to his crotch underneath his sweatpants. He could still feel Yechan’s presence beside him at the dinner table, the faint brush of his shoulder when he leaned too close, the low timbre of his voice curling around words that seemed to hold a double meaning. Slowly, M/n’s hand slow stroked himself hard as he leaned back on his pillow, lips clamped together to keep his sinful noises muted.

It wasn’t just the memory of Yechan’s smirk, his lips, as they stood by the record store window, or the quiet way he had said, “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” It was the way he made M/n feel—cornered, exposed, and something else. Something electric.

M/n’s fingers tightened around the edge of his blanket as his mind wandered unbidden to the faint scent of Yechan’s cologne, how it lingered just enough to pull him in without overwhelming him. The thought of it made his stomach tighten, as his pace fastened and his whiny moans seeped through his lips. “Fuck,” he whined, covering his mouth with his free hand, a desire that his hand was Yechan’s, veins creeping up his slender fingers. With a few more strokes, M/n came with his body jolting with satisfaction.

What the hell is wrong with me?

He ran a hand through his hair, frustration mingling with something deeper, harder to name as he reached over to his nightstand to grab some tissue and clean himself up then turned over. The air in the room felt heavy, and no matter how much he shifted, he couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position. His thoughts looped back to Yechan’s smirk, the almost predatory way he seemed to observe him, as though he was waiting for M/n to stumble, to react.

And M/n hated how much he had reacted—how his heart had pounded when their eyes met, how his pulse had quickened at Yechan’s quiet remarks.

He pressed his palms against his face, willing his thoughts to quiet, but the warmth pooling in his chest betrayed him. Yechan had gotten under his skin, in his head, and M/n wasn’t sure he could or even wanted to shake him out.

Now he felt like something horrible.

He felt like a sinner.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Some Surprises

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

NOV 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Fourever You (Thai Thurs YT) ep 5 of 16 - I love this show, but I absolutely hate the main couple's communication style. Or complete lack of communication style. I really hope the other couples are not gonna be this bad and it’s just because this one is leaning into the worst of BL archetypes. But I’m not confident. Poor Ter dating Hill put a big old target on his back. Earth being a dramatic stressed gay queen was peak comedy tho. Apparently the good kisses are only on WeTV (I am annoyed) so props to the giffers who keep me supplied. You're doing the BL gods work.

I suddenly realized, after the bullying sequence, that one of the reasons I’m liking this so much is it reminds me of early Japanese yaoi. There’s something about the dynamics of the characters and the way they're reacting to situations that’s not very Thai BL feeling. And if I think of this is more JBL, I forgive it. Or maybe that’s just why I’m liking it so much despite its flaws? Difficult to understand my own feels about this show.

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - I don’t like this new evil-bonkers rich kid character and whatever is going on with Jack and Rose and that whole story. It’s boring. And then my brain short circuited. No further thoughts... just War in a wife beater. 

Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 7 of 15 - Phun's bitch face really is epically wonderful. I kinda enjoy everybody ribbing the two of them because they have no idea what’s actually going on. I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here.

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - Omg cutest boyfriends EVER. I don’t even mind how cheesy their bf era is. Does this lull jive with the rest of the story? Nope. But ya know that’s GMMTV’s thing these days, flailing during the final act.

Perfect 10 Liners (Thai Sun YouTube?) ep 1 of 24 - Pretty standard Thai BL university fair. I am hoping it’s better than ForceBook’s previous offering. Yet another sniff test. Is this the trope of the year? Meanwhile, they also deployed the crash into me trope in episode one. Who do they think they are? Taiwan?

New is directing this uni BL with a massive cast + massive run time. It's an endurance test ya'll - we will be watching this until APRIL of 2025! Su su na.

Every You Every Me (Thai Mon Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - I really like that they had the bandwidth to give us a little side couple with this installment. Fun crumbs. Meanwhile, the thing with the shirt in front of the mirror was extremely sexy. This installment was very sad though. And, of course, I’m not happy about it. To top it all off, next week is musical themed, so you know I’m disgruntled about it. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 3 of 13 - Aw spoiled neglected rich boy wants to be cared for and spoiled honestly. I do love them. Also tiny idiot syndrome is spreading. 

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 6 of ? - The side couple (teacher student, hyung romance but he’s using em) interesting. Not sure how I feel about them. The subs are so bad it’s largely incomprehensible but I’m still enjoying it for no defensible reason. 

My Damn Business (Korea Sat YT) eps 5 of 7 - I love that our uke can be such a little shit. I love it when a tsundere has some serious snark and attitude to back his petulance up. Also liquid courage. At least we got to the root of the tsundere. Also neck kisses and cuddles! 

Eccentric Romance (Korea Weds Viki) eps 7-8 of 12 - Oooo, cute kiss. Drunken but adorable. I do like it when they use older Korean actors in KBL, they actually know how to kiss. Has the kiss saved this show? Possibly. I’m shallow. 

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 7 of 10 eps - Our con man is such a good little homemaker. And it’s sexy yukata time! Love this trope. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Same plot as the Thai original, only from Japan. Very similar so far. I hope Rei is a bit more smart and Arashi is a bit less of a sleaze. I still get too much secondhand embarrassment and my mame alert is blaring.  I'm wary.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun iQIYI) eps 1-2 - Triggers for child abuse, alcoholism. Two artists, one an abused rich kid and the other a tough scrappy poor kid, in the same art prep school. I of course adore the side couple of the much younger kid and the older teacher. Oh, I do like it. But it's CBL, I'm very scared as to where it might go.

Bad to Bed (Taiwan Sat YouTube) ep 1 of 10 - Influencer Wan Xiong suffers from insomnia, it’s a physical and mental battle. As he tried to find a solution, he encounters five boys along the way. I'm putting this on the list because it's airing and I just found out about it but I didn't have time to watch it yet. I hear it's v weird.

It's airing but...

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) 10 eps - Supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - I DNF'd at ep 7, I couldn't make it. I am weak. Life is hard enough right now, this show is making it harder. It’s not what I want from my entertainment.

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (Korea Thurs Gaga) eps 4 of 8 - I put this one on pause. It's too heavy for me right now. I'll wait to know if the ending is hard fought happy (and then watch) or not (and won't finish). Sorry all, rough times this side of the screen.

Random I watched it

Vending Machine Sabi Koi AKA Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan 2023) - This show is utterly adorable, impossibly awkward, and kinda old fashioned. About a cute nerdy little office worker (he's out!) who has a big'ol crush on the tall hulking vending machine guy. They fall in love. And that’s it. And it’s charming. There’s some first name eroticism, because Japan, and there's emphasis on communication, which is so not Japan, but turns this into an organically loving and talkative relationship. There’s a bit of an age gap, and our office cutie may or may not have a muscles fetish (the hot bod not the shellfish) because (if I’ve told you once I’ve told you 1 million times) Japan always goes kinky. And you know what, I loved it. 9/10

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

November BL:

11/4 Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Mon Gaga?) 11 eps - Minase was an exemplary high school student who hates Hirukawa, head bully and top delinquent. But then Minase uncovers Hirukawa’s secret and the two get intimate.

11/15 Caged Again (Thai Fri WeTV) 10 eps - Penguin escapes zoo by turning into a human. Gets trapped again and a panther falls in love with him.

11/17 Your Sky (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - Due to an unforeseen situation, a naive freshman and the campus’s popular senior agree to pretend to be a couple - but their fake deal begins to generate real feelings.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Honor the crumbs indeed. This pair is so much crumbs it's practically dust. (Love Sick 2014)

God he is so stupidly in love.

(lask week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[ecargmura]

Dandadan Episode 7 Review - A Mother's Love

If Episode 4 hasn’t put Science Saru on the map for high quality animation, then this episode surely did. I haven’t read the source material, but even as an anime-only watcher, I can definitely see the love and passion the studio puts into this. It’s crazy how a Japanese anime studio owned by a Korean person can make such invigorating quality.

The rest of the fight with Acrobatic Silky was animated well. I love how the kids outwitted her by running away just so her hair gets caught in the nook and cranny of the warehouse. Okarun manages to defeat her by going full throttle. However, their victory isn’t a happy one as devouring Aira caused her to die. Turbo Granny explained that since she’s an ordinary person, being devoured by a spirit would easily kill someone. I sort of like that detail, honestly. There’s no anime logic about how she could survive this. She’s dead and that is what the rest of the episode is about. 

What I also like is that seeing her dead easily causes Momo and Okarun to start doing what they can like telling Turbo Granny to call the ambulance and for Momo to resuscitate her using her psychic hands. Though, it does feel odd that a group of teenagers know how to resuscitate someone so skillfully, even if it’s an attempt. They’re both not doctors and are on the opposite spectrum of them. The only way she can be saved is having Acrobatic Silky connect her aura to Aira’s like connecting two cords together.

That’s where the highlight of the episode comes in the form of Silky’s tragic backstory. Man, it broke my heart seeing Silky’s life before her unfortunate end. She was a single mother working as a prostitute alongside several jobs in order to provide for her and her beloved daughter who was her entire world and her purpose for living. Her daughter was sweet in that she was essentially her light in her life. She worked hard in order to buy the red dress that eventually becomes what she wears as a ghost and she was also teaching her daughter ballet. The tragedy comes from debt collectors or mobsters coming in to assault her and then they later took her daughter away, which is severely tragic because the sequences of her life before the tragedy shows that her daughter just celebrated her fifth birthday. If the mobsters are related to trafficking, this means that her daughter’s fate became that of a trafficked child and that’s horrendous in itself. Also, props to Hina Kino for voicing the daughter. She's excellent at creating a child-like voice, especially with how she wailed.

Silky’s dance sequence before meeting her end was seriously beautiful, yet so tragic. The scenery with the starry night was gorgeous but Silky starts dancing. Ballet is an elegant, graceful and poised style of dancing and that’s how she decided to meet her end. The way it was animated was so gorgeous. Also, if you noticed, Silky’s dancing was used in the full music video of Dandadan’s opening song.

There are some people out there wondering if Silky’s daughter is Aira. She’s not. When Silky became a ghost, she could only stand listlessly until little Aira came and mistook her for her recently deceased mother. Realizing that she had a daughter, Silky latched onto Aira and decided to protect her until it became obsessive and psychotic. 

This sequence also showcases why Aira behaved the way she did earlier. She’s a narcissist primarily because of what her father had said about her needing to become stronger in order to let her mother be proud of her once she sees her again. That was why she developed a high self-confidence in order to one day show her late mother. She may have been insufferable before but the memories have completely humbled her. The way she hugged Silky just so she could have solace and not be forgotten in death was such a powerful scene. This shows that underneath her pompous attitude, Aira had a kind heart. My opinion of her instantly changed after this. Wow. I legit shed some tears.

I wonder if Dandadan’s story is just encountering a ghost or an alien and learning of their stories or what not. There doesn’t seem to be an overall grand scheme of things. I like that honestly. It’s just a story about kids encountering the supernatural and learning a lot of life lessons amidst the craziness. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Anyways, what are your thoughts about this episode?

[radiant-reid]

Truth

Summary: Reader knows there’s something going on between JJ and Spencer but she trusts him that that’s just the way they are... until he goes to LA

i cannot find the request for this, ugh !!! 

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Angst)

Word Count: 3.7k

Masterlist | Navigation

Y/n had let it go after that night.

"You're not seriously upset about this, are you?" Spencer asks incredulously once the apartment door clicks shut. 

It had been an incredibly awkward car ride together, twenty minutes home in complete silence. He hates when it gets cold and distant between them, even though he usually causes it by neglecting to discuss his feelings, but this time, he's fired up. Y/n can't read if he's dumbfounded or shaken. 

Although often synonymous, there's a difference here. If Spencer's dumbfounded, he thinks her suggestion is ridiculous and totally, 100% wrong. It would be offensive wording but best for the preservation of their relationship. If he's shaken, then she's correct, and he's coming to terms with the significance of that discovery himself.

Y/n sighs as she spins around to face him, her plan of making a beeline to the bedroom falling through. "That was flirting. She was flirting with you, Spencer." She tells him firmly. 

Spencer shakes his head, stunned by the allegation she's choosing to repeat. "She was- are you okay?"

"Don't make it about me." She instructs. 

"It's about you when you're talking..." Crazy is the word he stops himself short of saying- they both know it. He breathes deeply to calm himself. "She wasn't flirting with me." He maintains. "We're friends." 

Y/n shakes her head. She knows he needs it explained to him, simplified to an extent, but upholding his position so staunchly doesn't make her want to do that. "You don't have to best track record for knowing when people are flirting with you." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, his eyes narrowing. 

There's a specific incident she's referring to, but there's been more than a few annoying instances when she's left standing at his side fuming. She's aware he doesn't do it on purpose. Spencer's not an asshole purposefully trying to make his girlfriend jealous by accepting flirtatious behavior from other women, but he's handsome. And unfortunately, not immediately rejecting advances makes it seem like he's interested.

"Spencer." She had told him when she finally pulled him off to a slightly quieter corner of the bar the team was in. "Her asking you what you're doing this weekend isn't her having an interest in your Korean film festival."

Spencer had been much better at getting it since then. He profiles a bit more cynically, purposefully looking for indicators that someone's interested in him. 

Not tonight.

It was Michael's first birthday which, of course, meant it was a big celebration- BAU style. Spencer attended like the proud godfather he was, making sure every single one of JJ and Will's friends knew their son's achievements. 

What should have been a lovely day would have turned into a discussion about them having their own kids when Y/n expressed how attractive Spencer looked while he held Michael's hands so the boy could practice walking. 

But no. 

Instead, they're standing on different ends of the kitchen island, both uncompromising in their views because of more than a few moments at the party between JJ and Spencer. 

"She was flirting with you, Spencer." Y/n holds firm. "Touching your arm, giggling at your jokes, whispering stuff to you." She lists the frequently used tactics that she witnessed. She's become accustomed to them working on Spencer, but he has always admitted, upon later reflection, that the motive was more than friendly.

He can't believe it this time, and he quickly gets defensive. "Just because you don't think I'm funny doesn't mean everyone doesn't."

Y/n scoffs, irritated he would twist it so spitefully to play the victim. "Seriously?" She deadpans, waiting for him to react better. 

"It was an inside joke." Spencer tries a different tactic that only has her eyebrows raised again. He sighs dramatically, gripping the edge of the bench. 

"This is ridiculous." She states. 

"I'm glad you see that too." He argues. "JJ was not flirting with me."

His insolence further fuels her anger. "Even Will looked uncomfortable." Y/n hits back.

"She's my friend." He repeats. "We are their friends. JJ and Will have been married for years. They've lived together and raised a son for even longer. I'm their sons' godfather. She's been my friend for more than a decade. There's nothing malicious going on."

It didn't feel like that. And that was likely because Y/n had only gotten to know them years following their friendship's establishment.

Maybe he's right. It's feasible that Y/n just hasn't found her place in the dynamic. "Are you sure?" 

Spencer senses her walls coming down, and he steps closer to her in a few tense strides, cupping her cheeks in a way that makes her melt. His eyes soften until there's no anger remaining. "Yes, my love. I promise there is nothing romantic between JJ and I." He assures her.

It's so sincere. Spencer has always been a persuasive talker, and it's gotten him out of dangerous situations.

Maybe the deep gut feeling she has is off. There's no way to know what happens behind closed doors, but JJ and Will appear to be happily married. Her life seems completely fulfilling. It makes no sense for her to have a crush on Spencer. 

So she's determined to shake it off- for Spencer, her own sanity, and their relationship. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to such a drastic accusation."

"No, no. Hey, I will always listen to your feelings." Spencer reminds her softly. "I'm sorry I didn't immediately hear you out. It was just unexpected. I would hate for you to stop talking to me about your emotions if you think I'll shut you down."

"Thank you, and I'm sorry," Y/n replies.

His words are massively relieving, and her negative thoughts aren't weighty. "I love you, Y/n."

She smiles softly. "I love you too."

"Can I kiss you now? I've been wanting to for hours." He begs, thumbs stroking over her cheekbones. He's elaborating a little but for good reason.

"Please." She agrees. 

His fingers curl around her head while he leans down to kiss her, not breaking it until they're both out of air. Everything's okay.

And so Y/n had let it go after that night.

She was with him through everything. Dealing with his mom, Mexico, prison, and the long recovery after that. She was with him through thick and thin, even when Spencer had given up on himself. He'll never understand what he did to deserve her love, but it means everything to him. She's the calm presence in amongst his chaos.

No issue in their relationship has been too hard to tackle when they worked together through Spencer's personal problems so well. Nothing between them seemed insurmountable since Spencer's life was so tumultuous.

When he gets home from his case in LA, she's in the bedroom, checking his suit for Rossi's wedding the next day is in perfect condition. The ironing is crisp, not a single wrinkle on the fabric.  

He usually calls out when he enters the apartment door, both so she'll reply, and he'll know what room to navigate to, and so she doesn't freak out about hearing footsteps on the floorboards. 

This time, he doesn't. 

It's like his brain got torn out and is still sitting on the floor of a little jewelry store in downtown LA. His thoughts remain entirely occupied by the previous day's events. Even though the jet home was long, he didn't sleep for a second. It's 7 am East Coast Time now, but it feels like just a second ago, his world got rocked.

"You're back!" Y/n grins, still unaware of the grave news he's bearing. She searches through her jewelry box for a piece to complement her dress. Her final moments of blissful ignorance. "Okay, so I was thinking you might need to nap before the wedding since it'll probably go late- I mean, you know Rossi."

"Y/n." Spencer whispers, trying to stop her from spreading joy and being the life in his life. He absolutely does not deserve that, as he lies by omission. He speaks weakly on purpose, wanting to listen to her excited ramble despite knowing he needs to be honest and say something that will crush her.

She doesn't hear him, and hasn't looked at him hard enough to see his devastation. "But your suit is good to go. I've got some other stuff to do, so have a nap, and I'll have lunch ready when you're up."

"Y/n!" He snaps much too loud. 

Her eyes flick to his, and she knows something drastic has changed. Her stomach drops in dread as the air in the room turns stale.

"What?" She asks cautiously, voice wavering. Her heart thumps in her chest. "What is it, Spencer?"

"JJ said..." Spencer trails off, looking straight past his girlfriend. He's not brave enough to look at her directly. 

No more explanation is needed for it to click. 

Her whole world gets shattered instantly, everything she built with Spencer, every dream and hope she had with him, is destroyed in a second. 

Her stomach stays dropped so low it feels like it's weighing her down and that she could be physically sick. She feels paralyzed until tears start streaming down her cheeks. 

"Oh." She whispers, although it's as loud as a jet engine in the silent room. "Wow. Okay."

Spencer wanted more than that. He wants her to scream at him, telling him he should have stopped thinking he knew everything and listened when she was suspicious. Spencer would take any range of passionate emotions over the silence she's giving him as she processes it. He begs with his eyes for her to tell him what she's feeling. 

It's to no avail. 

He thinks he's getting somewhere when she stands up, that maybe she'll hug him or enquire about the cut on his hand. 

"What happens now?" Y/n asks, ignoring her own tears and his. She always cups his cheeks and wipes them up gently because seeing him in pain pains her. That's how love works.

"Y/n..." She needs him to say more that time. Her soft-spoken name leaving his lips is bad news.

She forces herself to nod and swallow down her distraught tears. "It's okay. I know." It would hurt to hear him admit it, but she might think he's not a coward. 

Now Spencer's paralyzed, watching his nightmare play out in front of him, and he's incapable of preventing it, of making her stay. 

Her delicate, shaking fingers unclasp her necklace, and the 18k gold chain with an 'S' pendant burns a hole in her hand before she thrusts it into his. 

It's warm against his cold hands, a sign it's not where it should be. It's supposed to be daintily sitting on Y/n's chest, near her heart, for the rest of forever.

"No." He finally says, gasping a breath out. "What are you-"

She cuts him off before he talks for too long and causes her to remain so in love with him that she can overlook a massive problem. "You love her." She voices what they've been dancing around. It's an ugly, hurtful truth. "You might be in love with me, but you love JJ more than you should."

Spencer shakes his head, frantically denying the claim they both know is factual. As awful as it is, he's thought about a future with JJ on more than one occasion and during a long-term relationship. It's not that he wants to be with her- which would be a complicated mess and break everyone involved hearts- but something between them remains unresolved. All because of two tickets to see the Redskins.

Y/n speaks before he can, tilting her head upward as she tries to brush back some of her tears. "Don't lie to me, Spence. Please don't." 

He figures he owes her that much. Nothing he could say would fix the torpedo that ripped through their relationship. So he doesn't protest or fight for their relationship as she readies to leave him.

"I'll go now and get some stuff once you've gone out." She decides.

Her stuff which means she's planning on separating everything, and he'll never see her things again. Never mind the possessions- he might never see her again.

There's no point in making a case for her to come to Krystall and Dave's wedding when she only knows them through him, but Spencer isn't sure how he'll be able to sit through a ceremony and speeches and dinner and drinking and dancing- where everyone's feeling the love- when all he would have been thinking about is how it should be his turn next. It sounds like torture.  

Spencer stands there, horrified and helpless, as she slips past him. "Goodbye, Spence." 

And just like that, she's gone. 

It's surreal. 

Surely- surely- the love of his life hadn't just walked out the door and left him. That can't have happened.

He doesn't even feel overly tired, but he must be so sleep-deprived that he's imagining things. Having visions is a less scary thought than Y/n leaving. 

The surreal feeling and eerie silence deepen, and he quickly collapses on the couch from overwhelming fatigue, hoping the past hours have been a terrible nightmare. 

When he wakes and calls out for Y/n, quickly realizing she's not there and his worst fear has come true, Spencer sobs. He cries so much through getting ready for the wedding that his cheeks are blotchy, and his eyes blood shocked as he looks at himself in the mirror. He looks terrible, but he feels so much worse. It's emptiness. His eyes look dull, his hair scruffy, and his heart aches. 

Her dress is still there- dark blue that compliments his suit, but it's matchy-and it hangs in the wardrobe on a coat hanger from the dry cleaner, taunting him. Spencer's hand comes to cup his mouth as panic and nausea rock his stomach. Y/n should be wearing the dress and beside him the whole afternoon while they celebrate love. Something's amiss, and he hopes no one calls him on it because he will, without a doubt, break down in sobs.

Germs feel permanently on him, and he's guilt-ridden. Sure, JJ's words in LA weren't his fault, but- fuck- he should have said something to stop the love of his life from walking out under the wrong impression that he loved someone else.

He makes a beeline for Penelope at the bar to avoid being around JJ and get some alcohol in his system so that maybe everything will hurt less.

She looks pretty, but Will gazes at her like she hung the moon, and Spencer quickly realizes he could never feel that way. Her glances across the room at him piss him off, whereas Y/n's would make him blush.

"No Y/n?" Penelope asks, looking disappointed when he walks over alone. 

That's the reaction his amazing potentially-ex-girlfriend inspires in his friends. People love her for her warmth and humor, and Spencer's sure the team is grateful someone's making him smile. 

"Unfortunately not." Spencer grimaces as he gets the lie out. "She's sick." Or, more likely, bawling her eyes out at her friends because her boyfriend is a jerk, Spencer figures. He would feel worse for lying if it were possible. 

"Oh damn, I have heard there's a bad flu." Penelope easily believes the lie.

"What are you making?" Spencer asks, redirecting the conversation to the cocktails she's expertly whipping up. 

The wedding is small, which Spencer's sure is appropriate for a fourth or third round 2. It feels wrong to be there without Y/n. If he's eventually going to have one of these with her, surely he should be looking at the flower arrangements while she notices hair options. Not judging, just getting ideas.

It would be nothing like JJ and Will's wedding. Y/n would hate a surprise wedding with no choice in decor or food, even though it's romantic in theory.

He could never marry someone like JJ. He could never marry JJ. 

She's a real person. That seems to be a fact he keeps forgetting when he thinks about a future with her. She can't be the idealized version of her from his 24-year-old self's fantasy, and with her sitting no more than 20 feet from him, he's positive she's not who he's compatible with.

It's worse at the speeches. Emily stands with perfectly crafted words, and Spencer's almost in tears when the story verges from being Dave-and-Krystall specific.

"...that this was fate." His running thoughts halt at Emily's words. "...that their marriage was in the stars."

That's him and Y/n. They lived a block from each other in DC but had to travel three and a half thousand miles across the Atlantic Ocean to meet. That's fate. He recalls her laughter when he joked that the universe got sick of them not finding each other and forced them together. And the subsequent, love-filled conversation where they decided soulmates, and twin flames, must be real because they are the embodiment of the term.

Rossi is always a high-roller at Vegas casinos. There was no doubt he'd meet a blackjack dealer. It's not fate the way he and Y/n are fate.

He's always been sure she's the one, but this is the ultimate determining tool.

They have to be together. Spencer and JJ had bottled up their crushes without voicing them for more than a decade, and that's why it messed with his brain so much. Emily talking about confessions taking time to work out is not about them.

His fingers play with the tablecloth as he drafts a speech of his own, one that will set things right. He's too antsy to enjoy the rest of dinner or dessert. All he's thinking about is how soon he can leave- of course, after wishing the happy couple well. 

Spencer knows where she is. The doorbell camera already notified him when she had arrived at their apartment, which might now be an invasion of privacy.

It's a bit of a drive to get home, and he's thankful he stopped at one cocktail so he wouldn't do something stupid, like yell at JJ in front of their friends. As mean as it sounds, he doesn't have emotion to waste on her. It's all poured into love for Y/n. 

He doesn't have time to wait for the elevator, taking the stairs three at a time.

"Y/n!" He calls out as soon as he swings open the door. His heart pounds in his chest thanks to his poor athleticism, but mostly because this is the most important thing he'll ever do in his life.

"Yeah?" She replies, her voice coming from the bedroom as she steps out

She looks heartbroken seeing him, destroyed by the damage he caused over the last ten hours, and there's no way this can be how he leaves her, that this can be the last time he sees her.

"Don't say something that hurts." Spencer can tell Y/n's trying to be firm, but she's begging. There is no way he can ever hurt her.

"I won't." He swears. It's tense, and he feels award standing there. "Y/n, I-"

"I told you." She reminds him, referencing one conversation he's been thinking about. She was so good at dropping it after he offered her unknowingly untrue reassurance. Her plan to let him do the talking flies out the window, and she can't help releasing the brewing emotions. "I knew she loved you and hoped you didn't love her back. And now everything is fucking mess, and I just didn't think that you would do that."

"I don't love her that way." Spencer declares, and he doesn't feel guilty because he's not lying.

Y/n rolls her eyes. "You owe me the truth."

He tentatively steps closer, and she doesn't stop him. "I don't look at JJ and see my future. She's not the person I think about when I see an old couple walking down the street. I don't know the songs she listens to when she's sad or the correct amount of syrup she likes on her pancakes. I don't know the number of her childhood home or favorite piece of art in the Met. I'm not sure if she sings in the shower or if she ties her shoes with two loops. And I don't want to know any of that. You're the only person I ever want to know that personally. I don't love her the way romantic love works. But I didn't know that until I met you, and the very first day, I realized it was different. I know you said that, and I am so sorry I convinced you not to listen to your gut."

Y/n's crying by the end of his beautiful, naturally spoken words. He rushed to get it out, and she processes it for a minute. "Okay." She decides, accompanied by a choked sob.

Spencer frowns because he can't read her properly. "Okay?" He repeats softly. 

She steps forward, which has to be a good sign. "I need you to kiss me now." 

Spencer's crying too slightly as he closes the gap between them, cradling her face like he might shatter her in his palms. "Okay." He whispers, closing the distance between their lips without wasting another second. It's heavier than usual, holding a thousand unspoken words, but it feels like a resolution.

He holds her long after they've run out of air, finally feeling like he can breathe now that he's home.

"I am so in love with you." He tells her. "There is no one else I could ever be with."

She smiles softly back at him. "I'm in love with you too." She replies. "And this suit... you look very handsome."

He smiles widely. "You're the most gorgeous girl in the world." She doesn't bother reminding him that she's been crying and looks washed out. Spencer will forever insist that she is perfect. "Can I take you to dinner? Because I have missed you."

She nods. "I'd love that. And I have the perfect dress."

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[dropthedemiurge]

Love for Love's Sake | Things you didn't notice (probably)

Finally, I am watching a good K-BL and can enjoy multi-layered meanings within language, culture and translated subs altogether (unlike with Thai series where I need to learn a new language again xD)

So I'll be pointing out some fun things that I noticed for fellow foreign viewers =) Beware of a long post!

Disclaimer: I'm not fluent in Korean, but I've been learning and using it for years + lived and studied in Korea for a while so I'm offering my perspective and knowledge but it might not be the Ultimate Truth

Episode 1

«I prefer lonely supporting characters instead of happy protagonists. Cha Yeowoon is still unhappy. ... - Where are you going? - To see my main (최애). I mean, Cha Yeowoon.»

The word Tae Myungha used to described Cha Yeowoon, as I heard, was actually 최애 (choe-ae). It's a slang that can be translated as "my favourite" and typically is used for K-pop group members, meaning "my bias" (think One True Pairing but One True Person instead). Then, as his fellow classmate gets confused, hearing such word referring to a popular student in their school, Tae Myungha changes to "I mean, Cha Yeowoon", and it works because the word and the name sound similar.

Myungha uses this word because in the intro he stated that Yeowoon is his favourite character in the book out of all. So basically, his first reaction was "- Where are you going? - I'm gonna run to find my blorbo<3", which is so admirable. I'd also get obsessed with making happy my fav side character that was treated unfairly by creators :D

«Kids like chocolate, right? ... (Yeowoon grabs an icecream, Myungha grabs the same, adding with surprise:) Didn't see that coming. Bi-Bi-Big (비비빅)? You eat like an old man.»

What surprised Myungha there? That Yeowoon chose this icecream->

It's a traditional icecream that is made out of red beans. This taste is usually associated with older people (because typically kids like sweet things and older people like less sweet/bland tastes), also red beans or read bean paste is used in many traditional desserts in Korea. Yeah, who would've thought that a high schooler would choose this icecream out of all options?

Later, Myungha gets the message "You can compare Bi-Bi-Big to big Ba-Bum-Bar (another icecream with "old man taste" from chestnuts), why the hell would you eat it?" and gets confused as the message seems missent. I am confused as well, because Myungha wasn't the one choosing this icecream and Yeowoon wasn't typing in his phone. Considering that the phone number is unknown, I can guess that it might be a commentary from the book's author who's watching Myungha playing his story game? Let's figure it out in the next episodes!

«- You eat like an old man. - Do you play sports? - No. - Weird. You're a whiner like I've always heard. - Kids these days have no manners.»

My quick translation->

«- You eat like an old man. - Sunbae, do you play sports? - No. - Strange. You sound like one of those older jerks (꼰대). - Kids these days have no manners.»

More on the differences between Tae Myungha and Cha Yeowoon:

Myungha tried to poke Yeowoon about his "old man tastes", and Yeowoon called him out for his conservative/stereotypical thinking.

Yeowoon keeps calling Myungha sunbae (because he knows MH's a senior in their school so he must be polite), and Myungha REALLY TALKS LIKE AN OLD MAN to him ("Kids these days" in the subs does translate this style of speech correctly! I'm glad). We all know he's much older before he was thrown into high school times (~25-30yo?), but his words and intonations really make you feel like he's 50-60yo or something xD

Yeowoon doesn't like this at all, though, so he calls Myungha a sort of derogatory term 꼰대 (kkondae), which is used to described old conservative people who are set in their ways and keep nagging and scolding young people for not behaving properly. And, as a runner, he implies that there are senior sportsmen that are hazing or nagging younger sportsmen like this as well, that's who Myungha reminds him of. No wonder the affection stats fell down in the minus zone so hard!

There you go, guys, these are my comments on the first episode of Love for Love's sake! It is filmed so well, I like the idea, and I really enjoyed it (if this one gets really popular just like Semantic Error, we might get more BLs about gamers or gamedevs and I WILL LOVE IT I am so here for it, hehe)

Stay tuned for more as I watch next episodes :]

[chezzywezzy]

Yandere Gwi-Nam (1/4)

Word Count: 3.9k

I remembered that I actually wrote this whole thing for fun several months ago. Might as well use this for an easy peasy ease back into society.

R stared at the email on her phone, her brain scrambling to make sense of the Korean typo in the email. Although she stood in the main hallway, gathering many stares from the native Korean high school students, the posted signs were not the most helpful.

She took in her surroundings once again, adjusting her old and well-loved frog backpack, loaded with stationery. The hoard of students desperate to make it to class on time sometimes collided, and R was astounded at the sheer student population of the public high school. Unlike from her home country, the high school seemed well-funded and quite modern, even compared to the college she was actively attending at home — which had given her this opportunity abroad. The atmosphere made R somewhat anxious.

R sighed, deciding the best course of action — after a few failed attempts of grabbing a frantic student’s attention — was to go to the right and follow past the principal’s office. R’s entire goal was to find the teacher’s lounge. And although one might think to ask the principal, she was terrified of making a poor first impression. 

The hallway had grown vacant and silent, only the sound of her footsteps echoing. She noticed her tattoo cover-up sleeves were scrunching slightly, and while walking, looked down to adjust it.

She suddenly heard loud, quick footsteps come from behind. Just as she went to glance over her shoulder, a hard shoulder smashed into her back and knocked R forward onto the ground. She scraped her knees, which created instant panic. As she scrambled to sit and inspect her knee, there was a cruel snicker.

R scowled, recognizing the tear in her leg sleeve. Luckily, R was always analy OCD and overprepared, and knew she could clip it with a pin and hide it under her knee-length black skirt. 

Two shoes stopped in front of her. R looked up, unamused. A student who looked far more mature than his peers by a few years toward her with black banks and a Korean-styled mullet. As she was still adjusting from her native tongue to Korean, his words did not register at first.

R’s scowl disappeared as she intently focused on the words.

“Since when does our school let in foreign [unknown]?” he sneered.

R blinked, only assuming it was foul language spitting from his mouth, and rolled her eyes. “You are making a bad first impression on a new teacher.” She intentionally left out the assistant.

She watched as his breath and stance stiffened. “Shit.” He glanced her over, a slight smirk growing. “The school must be desperate if they took in a foreign [whore] with fake hair and tattoos.”

R’s eyes widened and her cheeks darkened, pulling the dark brown wig over her head to hide her brightly dyed hair. She finally brushed herself off and pinned the sleeves together. R returned to her feet, only then recognizing the slight burn in her knees.

“Listen, kid. How about you mind your business and I’ll mind mine? I can already tell you’re an asshole, so I’d recommend you get to your class before I bring you with me to the principal’s office for harassment.”

The student sneered and crossed his arms. There was a momentary tense staredown before he seemed to loosen up, clicking his tongue and walking off — but not without snatching one of her decorative to-do list papers. R sighed, not caring enough to pursue her to-do list. She already seemed fairly unprofessional with her frog backpack, so a pink sticky note with Hello Kitty on it was better off left out of sight.

Despite the aggravating experience, R continued on her way, plastering a smile on her face. Eventually, she found the teacher’s office empty. However, a teacher named Ms. Park had left a name on the door with R’s name and the classroom number. R sighed with relief, heading off to the classroom.

R burst through the classroom door. Ms. Park had been speaking, but all went silent except for the muttering of students. R was nervous, but as time passed, the classroom became as familiar as any other.

~~~

R blasted her somewhat generic pop playlist since the old songs from the 2000s never grew old to her. She was chowing down on her boxed lunch, which was cutely styled like everything else: a Hello Kitty lunchbox, as she succumbed to capitalistic desires of that brand easily. 

The concrete, half-built foundation was where she went during the lunch period to get some peace and quiet. During the semester, construction had been placed to a halt except for weekends, as there were frequent noise complaints from school staff and students. To R, it was her perfect hide-away location from prying eyes.

As she finished up her homemade kimbap — an accomplishment R was proud of — Shake It Off began echoing from her phone. R grinned, and she stood up. She sang poorly, but sang with it regardless, even incorporating some equally poor dance moves during the chorus.

R halted mid-song as her stomach had a sharp, sudden pain, hissing loudly and grasping her stomach. She cursed under her breath.

“Eh? How unathletic are you? How embarrassing.”

R gasped in fright, swerving to face the onlooker. She sighed out of relief, recognizing the infamous rule-breaker from her classroom (although he rarely attended class). R had a neutral opinion of the boy, as he was notoriously the “bully’s gopher,” but hadn’t ratted her out or spread any rumors about her unprofessional underbelly. 

“At least I’m more athletic than the gym instructor,” R shot back, noticing that the stomach pain had left.

Gwi-nam’s eyebrows raised, adorning a cheeky grin. He often put up an air of unapproachability, but due to R’s semi-authority, it seemed he neither cared to intimidate nor to fake manners. 

“You could get fired for saying something like that.”

“I could get fired for a lot of things, kid.”

R went over and sat back on the cement steps, furrowing through her lunchbox and sipping on an internationally imported Capri Sun. Gwi-nam leaned on the crudely placed metal rails, leering over the woman. He eyed the package curiously, as well as the rest of the cutified objects.

“I’m amazed someone like you got transferred here,” Gwi-nam scoffed. “There’s nothing professional about you.”

“My college GPA, past internships, letters of recommendation, and my polyglot status say otherwise. Besides, Ms. Park says I bring a modern level of cultural diversity.”

“God, you’re full of yourself.”

“So what?” R chortled, slurping up the rest of her juice. “I deserve to be a little self-confident. I worked hard to get here.”

Gwi-nam rolled his eyes. “Whatever. What the hell are doing out here anyway? I bet you’re too weird to make any friends.”

“Not at all. I just like to eat alone,” R insisted. “Why are you here, kid? Don’t you have anywhere else to be or lunch to be eating?”

“I don’t have friends. Just people I hang out with.”

“Hm. Well, how about some bribery to get you back with your people? Here’s a chocolate bar.”

~~~

R handed the student sitting next to her a tiny container of cut canteloupe and some chopsticks. “At this rate, you owe me an entire hot pot.”

Gwi-nam snatched the bowl, immediately digging in hungrily. “No way,” he grumbled with a full mouth. “That would count as taking advantage of a student. Besides, with how fat you’ve gotten, you obviously have some food to spare.”

R clicked her tongue angrily, swatting Gwi-nam’s neck. “How dare you comment on a woman’s wait like that. With those manners, it’s no wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

The comment made her feel somewhat insecure regardless. Gwi-nam wasn’t wrong. R had been wearing baggier shirts recently, as no matter how much she exercised or ate healthily, it hardly impacted the small stomach bump she had developed in the last two months. The only explanation was that it was from poor sleep, stress, and overworking. 

“I’m too busy for that.”

“Too busy because you’re beating up some helpless classmate, right? Don’t think I don’t notice when your knuckles are all messed up. You’re called the bully’s gopher for a reason.”

“You fucking bitch,” Gwi-nam sneered,��� don’t call me that. Just because you know a fucking language doesn’t mean I won’t kill you.”

R sent a glare before snatching back the cantaloupe from him. “God, you’re rude and sensitive.”

“As if. Now give me my food back.”

She rolled her eyes. She very much assumed he had home problems and had taken some level of pity on him since the boy showed up in the building every day since their first encounter and had neither friends nor food. But after enduring an all-nighter, she didn’t feel like putting up with his foul attitude.

R shoved her food back into the lunchbox and stood up. As she did so, Gwi-nam’s hands latched onto R, causing her to almost trip. Gwi-nam shouted in irritation, but the sensation of standing had made R feel dizzy enough not to notice. Black dots clouded her vision and she stumbled forward slightly.

“Hey!” Gwi-nam exclaimed, grabbing and pulling her back to the step. 

R sat, and it felt as though her stomach vibrated with agony. She let out a hiss of pain and laid back, the lunchbox long forgotten. R gasped and rubbed her stomach, feeling a sudden leaking sensation. It was as though her stomach was hollowing out.

“What’s wrong?” Gwi-nam huffed, aiding in lowering her slowly onto the steps. 

“I… I don’t know — I feel…”

“What the fuck —!”

R was confused, focusing on nothing but the sharp cramps. But as Gwi-nam scampered away, R twisted her head up to see what he was looking at. R screeched as she noticed a waterfall of bloody blobs leaking from her white skirt. R reached for her phone but barely felt the ability to move from the cramps. It was as though her period was on blast.

“Call a fucking ambulance!” R shrieked, to which Gwi-nam clumsily withdrew up from his pocket. 

He called 119, but nothing other than confusion was displayed in his expression. R heard the muffled voice of an operator, to which Gwi-nam stuttered in reply,“ I - I need an ambulance at the front gate of Hyosan High.” Another few seconds passed before Gwi-nam spat out a few stuttered descriptions of the emergency. 

He pocketed the phone before grabbing R’s arms and tugging her up. R grunted, a few tears sliding down her cheek. When R’s legs gave out, Gwi-nam scoffed in annoyance and scooped her up, trying to disregard the blood that stained his jacket.

R grasped onto him for dear life, stuttering,“ What are you doing?”

“What does it look like, stupid?”

A few minutes later, Gwi-nam arrived at the front gate at the knick of time. He flinched at how loud the sirens were as the ambulance pulled up. Nurses rolled out and helped get R into the back, with Gwi-nam deciding to get in the back.

~~~

“Ms. R, it appears you had an intense miscarriage,” the doctor informed the woman, staring at the clipboard. “You were being too hard on yourself during the pregnancy.”

R paled and shivered. “I didn’t… I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know you were pregnant?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry then. However, you should be able to head home now. Your boyfriend is waiting outside.”

“He’s not my…” R mumbled, watching the doctor walk off. 

The nurses helped R to her feet. She was thoroughly cleaned, adorning nothing but the white robe. However, with the state of her old clothing, they had been discarded with instructions to head straight home and change. R slipped on her shoes and shuffled weakly to the open doorway.

His head bobbed sleepily, Gwi-nam was sitting by the door. R wiped away her tears and softly shook his shoulder. R was surprised he had waited, as by the time everything was okayed, the sun had set. Ms. Park had called at some point, but R would deal with the repercussions of a missed afternoon session and after-school office hours when she got home.

“Gwi-nam,” R called.

His head shot up and a snort escaped. His eyes were wide and his brow furrowed. He rose, immediately eyeing her up and down. “What happened? The sons of bitches wouldn’t let me go in to see you.”

R chuckled, insecurely grasping at her stomach. “It was… just a stomach ulcer that got stuck. They had to get rid of it, that is all. I’m alright.”

Gwi-nam’s shoulders instantly relaxed. “Eh? All that blood for an ulcer?”

“It’s been growing for two months now.” R glanced around. “You should head home now. Let me get you something from the vending machine. It’s not much, but —“

“You were the one in the hospital,” he gruffly mumbled. “Besides, you were the one who said I owed you a hot pot.”

“Nonsense. Your parents are probably waiting for you.”

He snorted obnoxiously. “No, they’re not. So, let’s go.”

Gwi-nam grabbed her arm and started dragging her down the hall to the exit. R protested but with his tight, unrelinquishing hold, she gave in and joined him at a nearby convenience store. After some fuss between them, Gwi-nam was able to take what she grabbed and pay for the food together. R was as grateful as she was surprised by the student’s kindness.

When they sat at the window, R inquired quietly,“ Are you sure your parents aren’t waiting for you?”

“As if. My dad’s probably off at work while my mom’s fucking her new boyfriend in a hotel.” R frowned, to which Gwi-nam snapped,“ Hey, don’t fucking look at me like that. I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity,” she replied. “I’m upset. You deserve better people in your life.”

Gwi-nam tried not to show that the comment had taken him aback, covering it up with a glare and a scoff. However, despite his best cover-up, R noticed how blood rushed to his cheeks. R sent him a sweet smile, unaware of just how impacted Gwi-nam was.

~~~

The door to the classroom slid open loudly, and without looking, R stated,” It’s not like you to be so early for our sessions, Cheong-san.”

When R received no reply, she looked up. She was taken aback to find Gwi-nam standing at the entrance, harboring an unsure and anxious expression with his backpack shouldered. R tilted her head and sent a smile.

“Gwi-nam, come sit. How can I help you?”

“I need help with English, obviously.”

R chuckled as the man plopped into the seat next to hers, backpack on the floor. “I assumed. I was more so asking what you need help with for English.”

“Oh. Uh, with… the homework.”

R found it endearing how nervous he was, glancing constantly at the door. She knew he would rather be caught dead than at a study session, but was incredibly proud of his courage. Gwi-nam pulled out the paper. The class was assigned various Robert Frost poems to decipher. Gwi-nam had been assigned to Stopping by Woods. And instead of just using a translator, Gwi-nam came to R.

“Do you need help with the grammar functions?” R inquired.

Gwi-nam nodded, grabbing a pen. R began explaining the concepts and switching words to make the sentences more comprehensible to a foreign speaker. Gwi-nam was surprisingly attentive until a ding came from R’s phone.

R glanced briefly at the notification, noticing the time. “Ah. I have a scheduled student appointment in a few minutes, so I have to cut this short. Can I pen you in for next Monday?”

“Eh? Why?”

“So that you can come again. If you do, I’ll even bring you a snack. How does three-thirty sound?”

Gwi-nam shoved his notes back in begrudgingly. “Whatever,” he muttered, not meeting R’s eyes.

“Great! See you then. Get home safe, Gwi-nam.”

He didn’t reply, quickly shuffling into the hallway. R’s heart warmed, and a part of her felt somewhat proud that she was making an impact on her student’s life to some capacity.

~~~

R awoke with a gasp, clasping at her bedsheets. It took not a moment after for her alarm to go blaring in her ears. She immediately shut it off and focused on regaining her breath. 

Everything was going well in Korea. Work, friends, lifestyle, school (as exhausting as it was to be doing college at the same time as her transfer abroad) — all except the overlying issue.

R had managed to attract a stalker. 

It started small, and she was convinced it was a student of hers. She constantly felt watched when nobody was around. Things would go missing from her bag or desk. Then one day, while she was in the office on her own, she glanced over and saw a shadowed figure staring through a crack in the door.

That’s when things seemed to escalate, especially the paranoia. She became more organized with her things and knew when things would disappear. She carried a safety weapon at all times. Sometimes, when a hooded man followed her for a stretch, she’d break for a run.

And then things escalated again — one day, the hooded man ran, too.

That was when, after calling Ms. Park in distress, they went to the police together. R knew that Korea tended not to take cases like her’s seriously, and it’s not as though she knew how to talk to a police officer that well.

With thorough convincing from Ms. Park, they kept an eye on the neighborhood R lived in from time to time. But that hardly seemed to do any good, because that was when R noticed that hooded man outside her apartment building. And then outside her apartment.

R invested in every home safety feature. Door cameras, motion-detecting lights, and a silent break-in alarm if it came to it.

She was terrified and was considering moving, to say the least. Calling the police was a lost cause since they “couldn’t do anything with the footage” and “a crime hadn’t happened yet.”

So R lived in fear. The stalker had even invaded her nightmares.

When R grabbed her phone, she noticed that one of her bear-shaped sticky notes was beside the phone. She went through her notifications before she roused herself. And only then did she notice the content of the sticky note.

Written in messy, almost intelligible Korean, was written ‘The cops can’t do shit.’

R shrieked. She noticed her underwear drawer was ajar. She noticed that her lights had been unscrewed. And the silent alarm hadn’t been triggered. R was a mess getting ready for work, taking photos of the various evidence. And although she tried to compose herself on the subway, she was still a wreck when she got to campus.

As she walked past the school gates, she gasped when a fist punched her shoulder suddenly. R veered her body toward the culprit, recognizing Gwi-nam immediately. He wore a casual expression.

“Gwi-nam,” R stated, recovering from her shock – and momentarily forgetting her troubles.

The student clicked his tongue, motioning to his head. “Your hair is falling off, teacher.”

“Ah!” R, embarrassed, readjusted the wig furiously. “Better?”

His nostrils flared and he eyed her up and down. He nodded.

“Thank you. I hope to see you in class later.”

R walked away, feeling her student’s eyes follow her intensely.

Only then did the panic come back. She was in a rush, greeting students only briefly until she arrived at the teacher’s office. R wrapped her arms around Ms. Park from behind, who jolted in shock.

“R!” she exclaimed. 

“Help.”

R released her and handed the now attentive Ms. Park her phone. The woman scrolled through the photos, growing paler by the second. She handed the phone back.

“You can’t stay there anymore.”

“I know that — but my landlord won’t accept it as a reason to break the lease. My credit score will be destroyed.”

“Fuck the credit score!” Other teachers glared, causing Ms. Park to clear her throat and compose herself. “You have to move out today. I’ll help you after class.”

“My assignment will be late.”

“R. This is not up for negotiation. So stop worrying and let’s leave this for after school.”

She nodded, blinking away the blurred tears. She sat at her desk, rummaging through her items quickly. Ms. Park nudged her, a twinkle in her eye.

“You know, you’re out here doing miracle work for our students. I was checking class B’s overall grades, and I found that On-jo has gone from a D+ to a B-. And even better, Gwi-nam somehow went from failing to a B+. I’m sure you’ll get a bonus from the principal for all your hard work at the end of the school year.”

R smiled, some of her uneasiness lifting off her shoulders from the news.

~~~

Much to R’s dismay, it quickly became apparent that R had forgotten to pack a lunch. She had grabbed her lunch box, but the contents were nonexistent. Thus, R knew she’d have to head down to the cafeteria vending machine grab some carbohydrate-filled junk, and break the bad news to Gwi-nam.

On her way, she noticed Gwi-nam leaning on a wall on his phone. R hummed, approaching. Gwi-nam immediately noticed, eyes glued to her figure. R paused in front of him, fumbling with her fingers.

“Well, Gwi-nam, I… woke up late this morning, so I didn’t pack a lunch. Do you have money for the vending machine?”

“Eh? Late? How unprofessional.”

R rolled her eyes. I’ll take that as a yes. Just make sure you eat.” R spun to head over to the cafeteria before pausing. “Oh, one more thing. I’m proud of you and the progress you’ve made in class, Gwi-nam. I hope you know that.”

She walked over to the cafeteria, not noticing how the student gulped and his cheeks grew red, unable to tear his gaze away from the woman.

The cafeteria was crowded and R struggled to evade students. She replied to greetings from students and eventually made it to the vending machine. R checked her phone as a goofy lunch wrap slowly unraveled. Alas, the lunch period was already fifteen minutes through.

The wrap was nearly loose, sliding down the front. It did so slowly, and R nearly screamed when she realized it was about to stop moving.

R had had a bad enough day and kicked the machine. Just like that, the wrap plopped down. As R grabbed it, the noise level in the cafeteria skyrocketed. R swerved to observe the commotion and was unprepared for what she saw. A hoard of students were flying through the glass entrance, until students suddenly slammed it shut, locking out a small group. Screams echoed, and despite the unknowing threat, R dashed toward the entrance, shoving her wrap into her skirt pocket.

And that was when another hoard approached. Students covered in blood ran at the group, and although they tried to run, the students caught them. Blood spewed against the glass, and R shrieked. Although R was frozen in place, everyone around her was running amock in panic from the sudden brutal attack. 

R stood just on the other side of the pane, not far from the front door. Students ran, and then so did the blood-covered students. The doors went crashing open, and R’s life flashed before her eyes as a student she immediately recognized pounced at her.