#known her since we were like 3 and 4 and i miss her every day thank you to sleep token for giving me this opportunity

[jrueships]

im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐

[copia]

my dutch friend's response to me getting st tickets in amsterdam and trying to combine it with a long-overdue meetup in the middle of november

[justmeinadaze]

Don't Be So Hard (Steddie X Plus Size You)

"Don't be so hard on yourself The name of the game is humiliation, And thanks for your admiration. I never thought I'd say this: The way that we play has its confrontation, And guilt by association."

A/N: New version of these beings for me to try out. Thank you @bimbobaggins69 for the idea by just being amazing <3.

This take place 10 years after events in season 4 so about 1996.

Warnings: Older Dom (30s) Coach Steve Harrington/Older Dom (30s) Professor Eddie Munson & Young (20s) Fem Plus size Sub Student Y/N (whew! That's a mouth full lol), SMUT, spanking, choking, degrading, voyeurism, use of sir, FLUFF, Eddie and Steve have an established relationship. ANGST (because I'm me), reader is plus size and gets name called by the jocks (they call her names like piggy), one of them does assault her (pushes her and yells at her; brief), Steddie saves the day, mentions of reader staring in a play that makes her anxious due to her body.

This whole dynamic is technically angsty (which is why I love it muahaha).

Word Count: 8679

“I fucking hate schools.”, you grumble under your breath as you hit snooze on your alarm for the fifth time that morning. The beginning of your junior year spring semester at Hawkins University started today but the idea of getting out of bed sounded exhausting. In Hawkins, everyone was in everyone else’s business and being the bigger girl some of the jocks felt the need to butt in more than anyone else. 

“Hey Y/N. Did you put on more weight this summer? Those jeans look like they’re about to pop!”

“Should you be eating that, piggy? Maybe try a salad every now and then.”

You thought when you left high school, you wouldn’t have to deal with this crap anymore but unfortunately some of it followed you to college. 

When you finally made it to your first class it was right before it began so you could avoid any unwanted conversation. You weren’t so lucky.

“Heeeeeeey, Y/N.”, football star Martin Click cooed obnoxiously as he leaned towards you from his seat above yours. “I was hoping we’d have some classes together, piggy. I missed you over the summer. You couldn’t bother to dress up for me?”

“Oh, sorry Martin, if I had known we would be sharing a class I would have made myself uglier but unfortunately for me that’s impossible since I’m so fucking sexy. Maybe you can tutor me on how to be a sloppy asshole.”

The breathy laugh that echoed to your ears caught you off guard as you glanced up towards the front of the classroom and met the chocolate eyes of your new Literature & Writing professor. 

“I’m sorry.”, you whisper as red paints your face.

“No, no. No reason to be sorry. I thought it was a good comeback.”, he grinned making you blush even more. “Mr. Click, should I tell Coach Harrington that you’re more focused on ladies attire than my class or are we going to behave this semester?”

Rolling his eyes, Martin leaned back in his chair making the professor smugly smirk as he winked in your direction. 

“As I’m sure ya’ll are aware, I’m professor Munson and if you’re here because of my reputation then I will kindly ask you to leave. I’m not here to talk about my past or my family history.”

You had heard rumors about Eddie Munson and of course knew all about him being on the run back when you were little. You parents never let you leave the house or play outside for fear that the “satanic Hawkins killer” would snatch you up and make you his next victim. As you grew up and read more about what happened, it seemed less to you like he did anything at all and obviously the chief agreed because Mr. Munson was never tried or did any prison time. 

No, you weren’t interested in his past. You were interested in the things he could teach you. After overhearing one of his lectures, you were fascinated with the way he told a story and explained the material. He got so animated to an adorable degree and as a theater major you thought it would be fun to see how he interpreted literature while getting the final English credit you needed. 

When no one moved he smiled and began talking about usual first day things such as the syllabus and what to expect over the semester. After the class had ended and everyone left, you stayed behind and quietly made your way to his desk. 

“Hey, um, I’m sorry if I was rude or—”

“I didn’t think you were rude. If anything, he was and definitely needed to be put in his place.”, he interrupted without looking your way as he sorted through papers in front of him. “You’re Y/N, right?”

“Yes, sir. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen some of the plays you were in on campus here. I dragged my friend to see A Midsummer Night’s Dream and you actually got him to pay attention.”, Mr. Munson smiled as he finally lifted his head to look your way. “You were very good.”

“Oh, um, thank you very much. That means a lot coming from you.” He tilts his head at your comment as blush fills your cheeks again. “I just meant I’ve seen some of your lectures before and you’re an amazing storyteller. You excite me, I mean you make me want to pay attention to, I mean… ok, let’s pretend I just left right after class and didn’t just embarrass myself.”

Hugging your books to your chest, you power walk out the door as his chuckle fills your ears. 

***

With a break between periods, you hastily headed for the gym after lunch to change and get out on to the track by the field. Contrary to popular belief, you were fairly athletic despite your size and enjoyed letting off steam as you pumped your legs as fast as they could take you.

As your music blared loudly in your ears, the feeling of eyes watching you grabbed your attention towards the bleachers where Coach Harrington was standing with his arms crossed and leaning to the side as Professor Munson balanced his arm on his shoulder, murmuring something to him as their eyes followed you. 

Trying to block them out, you continued to focus on the path in front of you but was blindsided when a football whizzed past your nose almost hitting you.

“Whoa! Sorry, piggy. Have to keep your eyes open around here.”, Martin laughs as you roll your eyes. 

Glancing their way, you noticed both men were standing straighter as if prepared to defend you if needed. You weren’t a weak little girl and for whatever reason you strongly felt like you needed to show them that. As you pick up the football one of the players lifts his hands running towards you as if expecting you to not be able to throw it but at the last minute you throw a perfect spiral to their coach who doesn’t even hesitate as he lifts his hands and catches it seamlessly from the air. 

“Well, shit, gentlemen. Looks like I have a new passer.”

“Oh, no thank you, Coach Harrington. If I ever played a sport it would be with a team that doesn’t suck.”

Again, Mr. Munson snicked through his teeth as the man he was leaning on flashed you a big grin. 

#############

That night you decided to run after hours, thinking you would be alone but were surprised when you saw Coach Harrington on the track. 

“Shit! Sorry, you scared the hell out of me.”, he nervously chuckled. 

“I’M sorry. I thought no one would be out here.”

“Yeah, normally there aren’t.”, he teased raising an eyebrow at you. “Well, don’t let me stop you.”

As he took off continuing to jog, you pushed your headphones on your head and started your run. After a couple of laps with you in your zone, your feet abruptly slipped out from under you as you tumbled forward onto the gravel.

“Whoa!”, Coach Harrington shouted in concern as he ran to your side and kneeled down. “Are you alright?”

“Ow. Yeah, I just…tripped. Fuck that hurt.”

“Let me see.” Without any hesitation, his hand gripped your leg and looked it over. “Oof, you may have a pretty good bruise there but you should be alright.” Rising to his feet, he extended his hand to you to help you up which you eagerly accepted while he gripped you tightly and led you towards the bleachers. “You must have been deep in thought because you passed me a couple of times and didn’t even turn your head.”

“I did? Yeah, I’m sorry. I just have some things on my mind.”

“No, I know what you mean. Eddie—Professor Munson told me what happened in his class. If any of those guys bother you again, please let me know. I’ll make them run laps or even sit them out of a game if I have to. Nothing scares these kids more than not being able to play.”

You knew of Steve Harrington mostly because of his parents. The Harrington’s were prominent members of the community and very well respected. In your high school there had been pictures of him from his days on the basketball and swim team when he was a student. 

After he graduated, other rumors began to circulate about him spending time with the “freaks of Hawkins” but who cares. Not you especially since you had been labeled a freak since elementary. 

“I, um, I hope you didn’t take offense to what I said. Your team doesn’t suck just…some of your players. I mean, not their playing ability just their personalities. FUCK, why can’t I talk today?”

His smile widens as he laughs from his gut making you don your own smile. 

Coach Harrington’s eyes meet yours for a moment before a controlled laugh escapes his lips.

“What, um, what were you listening to so loud that you didn’t hear me yelling for you to slow down?”

Giggling, you gesture towards your Walkman. 

“Just some CD I burned to get me pumped. Right now, it’s playing ‘Master of Puppets’ by Metallica. Have you heard that song?”  

Something dark flashes over his face before he awkwardly nods and gets up leaving you alone on the bleachers as you stare after him. 

***

“Are you fucking kidding me?”, you growl as you push on the girl’s locker room door to find it locked. “What is going on with me this semester?”

Glancing around and seeing no one, you brave the boy’s locker room, finding it open, assuming that in his weird state, maybe, Mr. Harrington forgot to lock up. As quickly as you could you showered and began to change into some comfy clothes. 

The sound of something hitting the wall nearby froze you in fear as you gaze scanned the area. 

No one nearby. It could be the janitor cleaning the coach’s office.

Quietly, you threw your things over your shoulder and tiptoed that way with the intention of ducking under the window of the area so you weren’t seen but the muffled sound of moaning had you pausing again. 

“Mmm…Steve…Steven. Wh-What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me.”

“Your student that you talk about…Y/N…she was listening to that song you played in the upside down. I just…it made me think of us…us finding you.”

“Hey. Hey, hey, sweetheart. It’s ok. I’m ok. I’m right here, Steve. You saved me.”

Peeking through the window, you saw their forehead’s pressed together as Eddie gently caressed his cheek with his thumbs. A small sigh left your lips when they began to kiss each other again. With a bit of needy force, Steve turned him around and pulled his back flush to his chest. Gently nibbling on his neck, he reached around and unbuckled Eddie’s pants, pushing them down to free his cock that he promptly began stroking. 

Fuck me he’s big. 

You practically drooled at the sight, licking your lips as your palm absently glided under your shirt to rub your tummy.

With his free hand, Steve sloppily yanked down his sweats making you moan as you watched him spit in his palm and rub it between Eddie’s cheeks before gradually guiding himself into his entrance. 

“Fuck, Steve. That’s it, baby.”

Clinging to each other tightly, Steve thrust his hips at a steady rhythm and you marveled at the sight as your fingers drifted into your own sweatpants and you began circling your clit.

“H-Harder, Steve, please.”

“Please.”, you whisper as you try to keep your eyes open and on them. 

“Like this, honey? Fuck you feel so good, Eddie. I love you.”

Arching his back, your professor craned his neck to kiss the man’s lips as he pumped into him as hard as he could without hurting him. 

“I love you to, baby. Shit, I’m going to cum. Cum with me, Steve.”

Nodding aggressively, he chased their highs until both men grunted and came. While they softly kissed each other your body trembled as you covered your mouth, trying to stifle your moans as the coil snapped. It wasn’t enough as both their heads turned meeting your eyes as you were coming down from cloud 9. 

No one moved as the three of you stared each other. 

Holding up his hands in surrender, Steve pulled out as Eddie straightened up, worry painting both their faces. 

“Y/N…”

Before they could do anything else, you turned and quickly ran out of the locker room.

##############

What the fuck was I thinking?! I shouldn’t have watched them. Two teachers in the MALE locker room while I was touching myself. Shit. I’m going to be expelled for sure. 

Sitting on the stage of your theater class, you focused on the script in front of you as you prepared for an audition your professor recommended. Mrs. Lilah always felt constrained by Hawkins when it came to material but this year she quiet literally said fuck them and decided to do Rocky Horror Picture Show. 

As you read through your lines for Magenta, a clearing throat caught your attention. 

“Hey Eddie!”, your theater teacher beamed as she waved at him and he smiled back before jumping onto the stage to sit beside you. He smelled strongly like cigarettes and a dash of cologne that had your head spinning as you continued to keep your eyes on the paper in front of you. 

“Hey Lilah. I hope I’m not disturbing anything. I just need to talk to Y/N here about an assignment real quick.”

“No problem. She does have her audition for Janet in a few minutes and I’m dying to see her interpretation.”

That caught your attention as your head swiveled her way. 

“I’m doing what now?”

“For Janet, honey. I think you’d be perfect. She’s a bit timid at first but comes out of her shell.”

“But…but…she’s in a bra for a good chunk of the play.”

“Yeah…does that make you uncomfortable?”

“Hm, yeah, Y/N, does people seeing your body in the shadows in an intimate way make you uncomfortable?”, Eddie murmured low enough so only you could hear. 

“Let’s just do the audition and if you prove me right, we can talk about the wardrobe, ok?”

Flashing her a timid smile, you turn to give your attention to your professor. 

“I’m sorry.”

“For what? Skipping my class this morning? Oh, you mean when you watched me and my boyfriend have sex in the boy’s locker room?”

“The girl’s one was locked and I needed to shower—”

“That explains why you were in the locker room but not why you were there watching. Are you going to run and tell all your little friends about how you saw the murderous freak fucking the pretty, rich football coach?”

“What? No. I would never—”

“Mhmm. Look how much will it take to keep your mouth shut?”

“Nothing. I don’t—”

“Please, Y/N! Everyone has a price and Steve doesn’t deserve to lose all he’s worked hard for. So, tell me—”

“Will you let me talk!?” Glancing around to make sure no one heard your outburst; you lower your voice as you continue. “I don’t want anything or any money. I won’t tell anyone. I genuinely don’t care about your private lives. I’m really sorry I watched. I shouldn’t have…I just…”

Your professor’s eyes focused intently on you as he waited for you to continue. 

“I was attracted. The way you two kiss and the way he holds you…no one’s ever been that way with me…” When your eyes dared to finally meet his, you expected anger but those gorgeous chocolate irises displayed a softness you appreciated. “I swear, Mr. Munson, I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.”

Nodding, he jumped down from the stage before turning to face you again. 

“I think under the circumstances you can call me Eddie. Not in class but… I also think you should play Janet. You’re a very beautiful young lady. Don’t let any of these superficial idiots take away that lead role from you just because of how you look.”

#############

A couple of weeks had passed and nothing of note happened with school or your classes. You were cast as Janet, allowing Eddie’s advice to drive you as you maneuvered the role. Your professor and Coach Harrington had minimal contact with you but you always felt their eyes following you around. 

Tonight, you were studying in the Hawkins diner off campus. You preferred it here then the library after hours because not only could you munch on some delicious food but no one was usually there that you knew. 

As the bell above the door dinged, you glanced up from the novel Eddie had you guys reading to see said professor and his boyfriend entering the establishment and taking a seat. You couldn’t help but wonder how hard being out like this must be for them. They couldn’t share a booth or be flirty. They couldn’t hold hands or kiss, at least not visibly where people could see. You hated that for them since both seemed like good men. You wondered why they stayed behind here in this terrible little conservative town instead of moving anywhere else. 

Hoping to slip out unnoticed and allow them privacy this time, you gathered your things and placed some money on the table. 

“Is that my favorite piggy?”

You roll your eyes at the sound of Martin’s voice as you try to ignore him and head out the door. A hand abruptly grabs you but you slap it away. 

“Don’t touch me.”, you hiss. 

“Oh, come on, Y/N. It’s Saturday and we just left an awesome party. Can’t you and I get along for once?!” His friends around the table behind him snickered as a big devilish smile stretched across his face. 

“If you weren’t such a fucking dick maybe. Now leave me alone.”

As you storm out the front door to your car, something tugs your backpack, ripping it open as all your books and papers tumble to floor. Martin’s hand wraps around your throat and pushes you against the trunk of your car. 

“You will show some fucking respect especially in front of my friends.”

“Aw, did little Martin get his feelings hurt?”, you sass. “Didn’t realize you had any.” 

Your knee rises as you hit him in his stomach but he’s still faster as his palm reaches out to grab your shirt tugging you down hard onto the pavement.

Abruptly, someone grabs his own jacket collar and tosses him roughly away from you as Eddie quickly maneuvers around them both, kneeling to your level. 

“Are you ok, sweetheart? Can you stand?” Silently nodding, you take the hand he offers to you and rise to your feet. He notices immediately that your blouse is torn and without hesitation shimmies out of his leather jacket and places it around your shoulders. 

“Mr. Click, on Monday, you will see me in my office.”, Coach Harrington growled as he glared at the boy. 

“Oh, fuck you! That fat little whore pushed me into it!”

“HEY!”, he bellowed making you jump as your teacher rubbed your shoulders comfortingly. “I would advise you to stop speaking. You’re already in a lot of trouble.”

“Pfft, you think I’m scared of you, Steve Harrington?! Yeah, my parents told me all about you and the disappointment you became to Hawkins. You’re fucking pathetic! I’m surprised they even hired you to coach us let alone your friend the freak! I guess those satanic rituals DO fucking work.”

The man’s body language stiffened before he did that controlled chuckle you had heard before. 

“Alright, Martin, we can do this right now then. I was only going to suspend you but you know, since I’m so fucking pathetic I think I’ll just go all in. You’re off my team.”

“WHAT?!”

Turning around, he ignored the boy’s continued expletives as he faced you both. 

“Eddie, get her books and all her things. We’ll take her back to our house, if that’s ok with you.”, he asked pointedly in your direction. All you could do was nod and try to bend down to get your thing but the metalhead stopped you before descending to the concrete to collect your things. 

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! YOU’LL REGRET THIS!”

“Take it up with the dean. Until then on Monday, I want your shit out of my locker room or else I will throw it in the garbage. Come on, guys.”

Coach Harrington opened the back seat door for you, startling you when he closed the door a bit too hard. 

***

When they parked outside of a home, neither moved as Eddie’s eyes scanned over his partner’s face.

“You ok, babe?”

His ringed fingers reached out to caress through his hair and in the rearview mirror you could see Steve close his eyes as he exhaled. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s get inside.”, he answered curtly as he came around and opened your door and you followed both men inside. You stood in their living room silently as they threw their keys down and Eddie disappeared down a hallway. 

When he came back, he handed you a t-shirt that read “Def Leopard: Tour of 88!”

“Go put this on and we can see about fixing your own.”

His eyes followed you as you entered their bedroom where the bathroom was located and shut the door. Removing your blouse, you could see a slight bruise forming where the strap of your backpack had been on your shoulder and some redness around your neck where Martin had grabbed you. Swallowing your pain at the sight, you put on the shirt they provided and folded his jacket, placing it nicely on the countertop.

Your eyes took in their fairly average bathroom, smirking slightly at the hair gel you imagined was Steve’s as Eddie’s hair was always wild even during class when he pulled it back. Both their colognes and bathroom products were side by side like any couples but the few things you knew about them had each personality standing out. Cigarettes were by the window near the bathtub where you imagined Eddie smoked as they took a bath together. On the floor by the shower, were some handheld barbells you imagined Steve used while Eddie took a shower or got ready so they could talk to each other about their days. 

Walking back out to their bedroom, you noticed a guitar against the wall and grinned at its slightly cheesy 80s aesthetic. You remembered once hearing that Eddie Munson used to be in a band but for the life of you couldn’t remember the name. You wondered if he still played. 

“Your student that you talk about…Y/N…she was listening to that song you played in the upside down. I just…it made me think of us…us finding you.”

What could he have meant by that…

Your gaze shifted to their dresser that had a vanity mirror attached with pictures taped to it. There were so many images of them together that made your smile widen but there were also photos of Steve with a young lady you remember seeing around Hawkins. She used to work at Family Video until a few years ago but you weren’t sure where she moved on to from there. Did you remember Steve there? No… you were pretty young though and focused on your own carefree life. 

There were pictures of Eddie with the Hellfire club. They were still active when you went to Hawkins High filled with a cool group of kids you hung out with from time to time. There were whispers of the man that created it but everyone in the club always said good things about the former Dungeon Master. 

They must have been in two different worlds in high school. 

What must have happened to bring them together?

“Steven, you need to calm down.”

The sound of Eddie’s voice caught your attention after something loud slammed in the kitchen. You tiptoed down their hallway and paused on the other side of the wall. 

“Fucking asshole kid, I swear to God.”

“Baby, it’s not the first time someone has said those things to us and it won’t be the last especially since we chose to stay here.”

“We didn’t exactly choose and that’s not why I’m upset.”

“Why then?”

“She…she seems like a nice girl.”

“She IS a nice girl.” Eddie sighs as he lowers his voice. “Steven, she’s a student and a lot younger than us.”

“Not a lot. Jesus, you make us sound ancient. She’s, what, how old you were when you graduated high school.”

“Hey, ok first off, rude.” They both giggle making you grin. “Second, again, she’s a student. She’s MY student. I could get in way more trouble than you.”

“Like that’s ever stopped you.”

“I swear, sweetheart, don’t we have enough chaos fucking hiding our relationship?”

“Oh, come on, Ed, you don’t like her?”

“I didn’t say that. I just… yeah, she’s beautiful and adorable and… fuck. We shouldn’t talk about this with her here.”

Collecting your bearings, you walk around the wall and knock on it lightly.

“Hey, there she is. I, uh, I fixed your backpack. Let me, um, see if I can salvage this top for you here.”, Eddie smiles as he takes it from your hands and heads for their couch. 

“I didn’t know you could sew.”

“Mhmm. I can’t like whip up a brand new outfit or anything but I can patch things together.”

“Are you alright? Do you need any Band-Aids or an ice pack?”, Steve asks from his place by the counter. 

“No, I’m ok. My throat is a bit sore but…” You don’t even finish your sentence before he’s turning around and grabbing an ice pack from the freezer, wrapping it in a rag, and sitting in front of you on their coffee table to place it on your neck. “Thank you. I like being choked but not like that or by that asshole.”

They both glance at each other as you blush. 

“Yeah, probably not a joke to make right now. Sorry.”

“You apologize a lot.”, Eddie says from behind you. 

“Sorry.” They laugh making you grin to yourself as you look down at your feet. “I hope I didn’t get you in trouble. I’m not…actively…trying to do that.”

“Oh, no worries, honey. Trust me. What is he going to say? ‘Coach Harrington kicked me off the team after I drunkenly assaulted a girl?’ I’m pretty sure the dean will side with me on that one.”

Your silence makes them nervous and they exchange another look. 

“What are you thinking about, Y/N?”

“I’m thinking about how I never expected Martin to do what he did. He’s been mean to me since freshman year but never aggressive like that.”

“You know that wasn’t your fault, right, princess?”

“Yeah, I know. I…I…” Unable to control them, the tears began to flow and a ring laced hand delicately reached for your shoulder, moving the things in his lap aside so he could hold you to his chest. Steve placed his own palm on your jeaned thigh and comfortingly rubbed against the material. 

Once again you were engulfed in the scent of Eddie’s cigarettes and cologne as his cheek rested on the top of your head. You couldn’t explain why but you felt safe here with their hands on you encased between them. 

It had been a few months since your last relationship and you could feel yourself dropping into that particular headspace the longer they comforted you. 

“I’m…I’m also thinking…about what I saw that night…in the locker room. How you two took care of each other…”

All movement on your body ceased as they even held their breathes. 

“H-How about we get you home, Y/N? I can give you this shirt after our next class.”

Eddie lightly pushed you to the side as he tried to stand but you hastily grabbed his arm stopping him. 

“I heard you. You said I was beautiful and sweet.”

As your little voice flowed through his ears, his eyes squeezed shut trying to keep control. 

“Y/N, maybe, he’s right. Maybe, we should get you home before—”

“Before what, Steve?” This was the first time you were using his name out loud and the notion sent tingles all through your body feeling like a little girl who misbehaved.

“Hey. You show him respect, little girl. That’s Mr. Harrington or sir.”, Eddie scolded in gruff tone.

“Edward…”

“No, Steven. Little girl wants to play with the grownups, then that’s how we will treat her. Now, we said, you’re going home. Grab your things and head towards the front door.”

“Why did you bring me back here, Mr. Munson? You could have taken me back to my dorm but you didn’t. Why?”

“Because people shouldn’t be seeing a professor drop off a student on campus.”

“But Steve said he was taking me to your house out loud to Martin.”

The man’s hand firmly came down on the side of your thigh making you yelp as you bit your bottom lip. 

“He said show me respect.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Harrington.” Placing your hand on top of his, your thumb tenderly ran along his skin as you leaned against Eddie’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Mr. Munson. Like I said…no one has ever taken care of me or looked out for me the way you two do with each other.”

You were slightly surprised when his fingers gently came around and brushed your hair away from your face. 

“We brought you back here because we thought you were safer with us here. After what he did, we thought that’s what you needed.”

“Am I not safe here?”, you whisper as you can’t help but rub your thighs together. 

“Y/N… Eddie and I have been through a lot. What you saw in my office isn’t always how we are when we’re intimate. We’re not always…soft.”

“But I promise you, princess, we are nothing like Martin. If you wanted to leave…right now…that’s ok. We can take you home or call you a cab if that makes you more comfortable.”

He was giving you an out; they both were. You could leave right now and the three of you could pretend this never happened. You could pretend that Steve’s large hand on your upper thigh wasn’t turning you on as you thought about how those long fingers would feel inside of you. You could pretend that Eddie’s touch wasn’t getting progressively slower as the pads of his own fingers traced your cheek making your pussy clench around nothing. You could pretend the notion of doing something you shouldn’t and being at the mercy of these two men’s wills didn’t drive you crazy. You could do that… 

Or…

“I don’t mind it not being soft, Mr. Harrington. I trust you and Mr. Munson.” Both men exchanged on final look of caution before your last sentence pushed caution to the wind. “Please, I need you.”

“I think since you saw us in vulnerable position we should get the same courtesy.”, Steve replied in a much huskier tone than before. Taking your hands in his, he pulled you to your feet and pushed the coffee table out of the way before taking the seat you had just been in. On impulse, Eddie leaned closer to him as the other boy wrapped his arm around his shoulder. 

“Go ahead, Y/N.”

As your eyes shifted between their heavy gazes, you lifted off the shirt he gave you, unbuttoned your pants, and shimmied them a bit clumsily down your legs.

You stood there waiting for more instruction as they continued to stare at your body. 

“Did you see our cocks?”

“Yes.”

Steve smirked as his boyfriend began to kiss his neck while his palm traveled along his chest down his stomach.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Remember that, Y/N. I don’t like repeating myself and Eddie is a lot nicer than I am in here.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Harrington.”

Steve’s eyes fluttered when the metalhead’s palm grazed the bulge in his jeans. 

“Now, if you saw or cocks, then why are you stopping?”

“You said…I should be vulnerable, sir.”

Your small voice had them groaning as Eddie fumbled with the pretty boy’s belt almost desperately. 

“Fuck. Don’t move.” He commanded towards you as his head turned to capture his boyfriend’s lips. Lifting his hips, he helped Eddie blindly pull his jeans down just enough to free his length. As he started to lean over his lap, Steve hastily stopped him with a smile. “You don’t want to see her, honey?”

He chuckled as he focused his attention back on you. 

“Do you feel vulnerable, Y/N?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Hm. Not enough to not finger yourself out in the open though, huh? I mean at least you had pants on.”

“I-I-I wasn’t…I wasn’t thinking—”

“No, you weren’t. Take off the rest so we can see you.”

While doing what he said, you watched as Steve pushed down Eddie’s pants as well and both men kissed passionately in front of you as they stroked each other’s cocks. 

“Y/N, is there anything we should know? Anything we should avoid?”

“No, Mr. Munson.”, you answered, appreciating his soft tone as he asked his series of questions. 

“You said you liked being choked but is there anything physical we shouldn’t do?”, Eddie groaned out as Steve lifted off his shirt.

You heard his question but couldn’t form an answer as your eyes starred at the scars that littered his chest. They looked like whatever wound created them was deep, possibly life threatening. What could have happened to him?

“HEY!”, he barked making you jump. “He said he’s not as nice as me but that doesn’t mean I’m easy going! Now, answer the fucking question, little girl.”

“I’m sorry, sir. N-No, I don’t mind being hit or p-punished. Mr. Munson, what happened?”

As you started to step forward, both sets of brown eyes glared your way freezing you in place.

“Do you know the stop light system?”, Steve growled in a much rougher tone than you were prepared for. Nodding curtly after reciting it to them, he got up and grabbed your arm, sitting you between them. “Now, we do have some rules, Y/N. The first rule is the most important. DON’T ask about our scars.”

“Our?”

Steve slowly lifted off his own shirt and tossed it to the side. He didn’t have as many scars as Eddie but they were just as deep and looked similar. Whatever happened must have happened to both of them. 

“I’m so sorry you both went through…whatever hurt you.”, you coo as you reach out to graze your fingers down Eddie’s chest. 

The darkness in their eyes faltered slightly at your sincerity and the metalhead took your hand in his, tenderly kissing the back of it. 

“Second rule. You have to be vocal, Y/N. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, we need you to say red ok?”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Munson. “

“Good. Good girl.”

His praise made you giddy as you blush making him smile.

“Can I kiss you?”

“I have one more question, princess. Have you ever done anything like this before?”

“Yes and no.”

“Yeah, we’re going to need you to clarify that.”, Steve laughs. 

“I’ve done rough stuff with dominate partners before. I’ve never been with two men before.”

The way you said the word men had Eddie’s eyebrow quirking upward. 

“Are you trying to tell us you’ve only been with boys your age?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why did you feel the need to tell us that?”

“Do we make you nervous?”, Steve asks as his fingers dance up your arm. 

“Yes b-but not because of you two, Mr. Harrington. I just wanted you to know j-just in case I’m not as ‘experienced’ as you both.”

Eddie’s palms cupped your cheeks as he brought your lips to his. You weren’t surprised by the nicotine that lingered there but you were by the tingle that ran through your body as his tongue caressed your own. When he pulled away you tried to lean forward for more but his grip held firm. 

“We weren’t expecting you to be, pretty girl. You’ve only ever been with these little boys but you’re about to be fucked by real men, sweetheart. Trust us, we know how to take care of you.”

You moaned at his promise, turning towards Steve to crash your lips with his. He was a much more determined kisser, his mouth and tongue sending that same shock wave through to your core. 

“Have you ever sucked a cock as big as mine?”, he panted against your lips.

As you shake your head, his fingers grab your throat just below your jaw as if purposely avoiding where Martin had hurt you. 

“What did I say? How do you answer us?”

“I’m sorry. No, sir, I’ve never sucked a dick as big as either of you.”

Sitting back, his palm moved to the back of your neck, guiding you down over his leaking tip as Eddie adjusted your body till you were on all fours for them. 

“Fuck me, Steve. She is so fucking wet. Her pussy is just tripping down her thighs.”

“Aw, you like being a bad girl, don’t you, honey?”

“Y-yes, Mr. Harrington. I like being a bad girl.”

“Open your mouth.” Doing as he directed, you quickly kissed his slit making him mewl before fully taking him between your awaiting lips. “Yes, oh my god. T-That’s a good girl.”

Eddie’s fingers glided through your folds causing your eyes to roll as you bobbed your head.

“Steve, baby, Jesus, she’s so fucking tight.”, the metalhead groaned as his palm came down hard on your ass. 

“Yeah, Y/N? Did that feel good? You like when your professor spanks you?”

Yanking your hair roughly he tugs you off of him as you continue to stroke him with your hand. 

“I didn’t hear that, little girl. What did you say?”

“Y-Yes, sir, I like when Mr. Munson spanks me.” 

At your response he spanks you again right as he guides two of his digits into your core. Gripping you tighter, Steve forces your mouth on him again and holds you still as he thrusts his hips allowing his cock to hit the back of your throat. 

“Good girl. That’s it, Y/N. Keep your throat open for me.”

Abruptly, Eddie swats his boyfriend’s hand and tugs on your shoulder, guiding you down the hallway to their bedroom and tossing you onto their bed. After completely removing the rest of his clothes, he climbs between your legs and runs his wide, flat tongue through your pussy up to your clit. 

“Oh shit.”, you moan as your back arches into the feeling before yelping when his palm smacks your cunt. 

“Watch your mouth, little girl.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I’m sorry.”

Steve chuckles as he climbs in beside you both placing his knees by your head as his fingers grip your hair again. 

“Can’t really blame her. I know how amazing your tongue feels. Then again, you may have some competition, babe, because her fucking mouth feels so good.”

Pride washes over you at his praise as you grip his cock and take him as far back as you can trying to continue to please him. 

“I-It’s ok, honey. We can train this little throat. As—fuck—as you know, Eddie’s a wonderful teacher.” His boyfriend tosses him a smirk as his tongue flicks faster against your bud. “Are you going to cum? Cum, Y/N. Cum all over his face.”

Your hips grinded against him as the man’s mouth wrapped around your bundle of nerves and he pushed two of his fingers rapidly inside of you as the sound of your arousal to fill the room. 

Steve backed away from you, allowing you to focus and breathe as your orgasm washed over you. As you came down from your high, Eddie lightly slapped between your legs making you jump and groan. 

“Sensitive. I like that.”

Tilting towards their bedside table, he paused as their eyes met. 

“Shit. I don’t have any condoms.”

“What?”, Steve almost wined as you tried to contain your smile at their desperate need for you.

“Steve, we’ve been together for almost 10 years. When was the last time we used a fucking condom?”, Eddie growled. 

“We’ve been talking about adding someone to our dynamic for a while now.”

“Yeah but I wasn’t prepared for it to be tonight with a fucking student!”

“Excuse me.”, you finally pipe up. “I’m on the pill. I can understand if you still don’t want to but…I’m safe. And like I said, I trust you.”

Both men exchange a glance and you can’t help but giggle up at them. 

“So how long were you going to wait before you said anything, huh?”

“Mr. Munson, you didn’t ask. I wanted to be a good girl and only speak when spoken to.”

They narrow their eyes playfully at you for a moment before Eddie grabs your jaw and tilts you till your face is level with his. 

“You’re not cute, little girl. That little snarky attitude may have worked on those pathetic boys you were with but you’re in the bed of real men now. Don’t hide things from us you think we should know. Do I make myself clear?”

“Y-Yes, sir. I’m—”

Steve’s hand cuts you off as he pushes you back against the mattress. 

“We know. You’re sorry.”

Taking hold of his shaft, Eddie taps himself against your pussy making you squirm as you open your legs wider for him. Grabbing your hips, he slides you closer and gradually guides himself into your dripping entrance.

“Fuuuuuck.”, he moaned as he slowly pumped his hips. “We are going to fucking ruin you for anyone else, little girl. Goddamn.”

“How does she feel, baby?”, Steve asks as he leaned towards him to lightly kiss his neck.

“S-So fucking tight, sweetheart, you have no idea. I want…”

“What do you want, Ed?”

“I wanna…fuck her into the fucking mattress.”

Your pussy fluttered around him at his words and his eyes that been closed shot open as he placed his palms on either side of you and started thrusting into you aggressively.

“You want that, you little whore. I can give that to you.”

Much softer than his partner, Steve turned your head and slide his cock back into your mouth that you eagerly sucked on relishing the taste of him. As he pounded into you, Eddie’s lips kissed along his boyfriend’s chest making the man groan louder as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

Bringing his lips to his own they passionately exchanged a kiss that had you mewling as the long-haired man rolled his hips hard hitting that soft spot inside you repeatedly. 

Eddie’s head tilted back as his jaw went slack and you couldn’t help but reach your hands up to run your nails down your chest. 

“I’m…I’m…please…”

Steve moved back as the metalhead grabbed your wrists and held them against the bed as his face fell beside your own. 

“You fucking ask me, Y/N. You beg us to let you cum. Shit. We have control in here.”, he whispers in your ear making your shudder underneath him. 

“P-Please, Mr. Munson. Can I cum? I want to cum on your cock, please.”

His hair tickles your face as he nods and the action of him tenderly kissing your cheek pushes you over the edge as the coil snaps. 

“Fuck, that’s it, pretty girl. Came so fucking hard on my dick. I’m going to fill you up, princess, ok?”

“Please…”, you whimper as he slams into you, chasing his high.

Your professor’s grunts filled your ear and you turned your head into the sound as he warmed your insides. As soon as he rolled off you, a hand took hold of your ankle and yanked you to the edge the bed. 

“Hey, hey, honey. No, no.”, Steve cooed with a hint of sarcasm as he lightly slapped your cheek. “Open your eyes, baby. What color are you at, Y/N?”

“Green.”

His massive palm slapped you a bit harder causing your eyes to fully open as you leaned up on your elbows. 

“Green, what?”

“Green, SIR!”

You’re suddenly turned on to your stomach as rough hands lift your ass in the air while another set takes hold of your wrists and pulls your top half down and forward. 

“Get rid of the attitude, Y/N. You think just because you came you’re allowed to be disrespectful?”, Eddie growls as Steve spanks your behind. “Now, answer him clearly without the tone.”

“Green, Mr. Harrington.”

As he ran his tip through your folds, you knew even after taking his partner, he was going to split you in half. 

“Fuck me.”, Steve moaned as he began pushing himself into you. 

Eddie’s head tilted to the side as he watched your face scrunch together. 

“You’re alright, sweetheart. Trust me, I know how hard he can be to take at first but it will feel good soon. I promise, baby.”, he soothed and kissed your lips. 

“F-Feels…feels good…now. Fuck.”

The man behind you smacks your ass at the curse, pressing further into your cunt till his hips finally connected with yours. 

“Still green, babe?”

“Yeeeees, sir.”

“Good.” Clinging to your waist, Steve pulled back till he was almost all the way out of pussy before roughly slamming back into you practically punching the air from your lungs.

“Oh my god!”

With a slanted smile, he pounded into you as Eddie watched from the side, sitting up on his knees to occasionally run his fingers down the man’s chest. 

“She feels really fucking good, right? Our young, new little toy.”

“Goddamn, I’m gonna fucking bust like a teenager.”

“Wait, pretty boy. You need to feel her cum. Her pussy fucking chokes your dick, I swear.”

“Fuck, Y/N, are you close, little girl?” When you didn’t answer, his hand reached around to grab you throat and lift your back to his chest. “Still coherent, you little slut? I asked you a question.”

“H-Harder, Mr. Harrington, please.”

As his forehead landed on your shoulder, he did what you asked till the bed began to jostle underneath you. A jolt of electricity shot through your body and you mewled as Eddie rubbed circles into your clit. 

You took their conversation as approval and your arm circle around Steve’s neck as you came. 

“Jesus fucking Christ!”, he grunted as he took hold of your chin and turned you so his lips could mingle with yours as he pumped into you a few more times before releasing his seed inside you. 

You were completely drained and slightly sore as he tried to delicately pullout of you while you waited for what to do next. Usually, the boys you were with did the minimal amount of aftercare, choosing to just cuddle with you which was fine. You were surprised, however, when Eddie informed you the bath was ready when you were. 

“For me?”

“Yeah, princess, come on. It will soothe your muscles.”, he murmured softly as he took your forearm and slowly walked you to the bathtub and guided you in. Your head remained lowered as you listened to him maneuver around the bathroom, sliding on some boxers before lighting a cigarette and placing himself on his knees beside you. 

Utilizing the washcloth, he cleaned you pausing when your hand suddenly grabbed his wrist as he attempted to clean between your legs. 

“I’m sorry. Just sore.”, you whispered as you let him go. 

Eddie’s eyes scanned you over and you heard him blow out some smoke from his lips as he put the cigarette down in a nearby ashtray. His fingers moved some of your hair back and he pressed his nose into your cheek while he continued to clean you. 

“It’s ok, sweetheart. You’re still doing really good for me. I know your little pussy hurts from how we stretched her open but we got you, pretty girl. You took us both so well.”

As his deep, comforting tone continued to whisper praises, you keened into the sound as you winced, trying not to grab him again.

“I know, I know. I’m almost done.”

Tilting your head, your lips found his, both of you getting lost in the feeling as he dropped the rag from his hand so he could cup your face and hold you closer. A throat clearing distracted you two as Steve entered the bathroom. 

“I, uh, I have some clothes for you here, Y/N, whenever you’re ready.”

Nodding, you allow Eddie to help you out and lead you in front of his partner who took a seat on the edge of the bed. His honey irises ran along your body, checking for extra care you may need that they inflicted but unlike your assault earlier the only mark they left was the slight reddening of their handprints on your behind. 

“How’s your throat? I tried not to grab you where—”

Your kisses startled him at first but after a few seconds his hand slithered tenderly behind your neck as he kissed you back. 

“I’m ok. Just sore…and tired.”, you reiterate as your heavy eye lids dropped. 

“Ok, honey.” Steve’s hands held you steady while Eddie dressed you in what smelled like their clothes as you swayed in his grasp. “You did so good for us. You deserve some sleep. Would you like me to carry you to the guest bedro—”

Both men watched with amusement as your shook your head before climbing over him and crawling under their covers. 

“I guess we can sleep in the—”

“Please don’t leave.”, you begged in a little girl voice that pierced their hearts. 

“Why does she keep interrupting me?”, Steve chuckles as he gets to his feet and yanks Eddie into his arms to kiss his lips. “She doesn’t do that with you. Or does she in class?”

At the word the metalhead became silent as he kissed his partner’s shoulder and crawled into the bed in front of you. His palm softly caressed your face and through your hair as Steve got in bed behind you.

“You’re worried.”

“Of course, I am and not just because she’s a student. That’s just the frosting on top of the cake that is our problem.”

“That sounds delicious.”

“Steven.”, Eddie scolds as they both smile. “She’s so much younger than we are.”

“10 years. Not much.”

“Not to mention the fact, that we are already hiding OUR relationship let alone another with a young, student. She deserves to be taken on dates and to live her life. She deserves to be seen not hidden.”

“So do you, honey.”

“Steve… we decided a long time ago to stay in Hawkins for a reason. We can’t be run out of town by these homophobic small, minded idiots. They’ve just barely started calming down when it comes to me and what happened in 86. And that’s another thing. What if…what if something happens? What if Vecna comes back or any other fucking monster? We can’t drag her into that.”

“Eddie, you’re over thinking again, but I see where you are coming from. Let’s…let’s take it one day at a time, ok? Who knows. She may wake up and decide this is all too much herself. She may not want to be with some…old, broken-down college professors slash coach.”

“Oh my god, baby.”, the long-haired boy chuckles as he throws his arm over his eyes. “You’re not broke down. We just have some wear and tear.”

Your palm reaching out and pulling Eddie closer as you fully folded into Steve silenced them. They relaxed into you as your professor kissed your forehead and your school’s coached nuzzled into your shoulder as they drifted off to sleep with you. 

##############

@corkadymu @lilaclazer @aol19 @nailbatanddungeon

[cosmicpearlz]

yours for the time being |4|

summary: what happens when your academic rival of years proposes an offer of fake dating? pure chaos.

pairing: gryffindor!jude bellingham x slytherin!reader

a/n: only one more chapter after this one! i wanted to stretch it out, just so everything made sense timeline wise. anyways, enjoy <3

everyone knew. it seemed like the word traveled fast around the school halls. jude couldn't take the staring or the countless whispers among the students anymore. y/n was nowhere to be seen, missing in action. oh, how the gryffindor boy wished to catch another glance at her. to have her next to him, giggling as he made the worse jokes known to man. just so that she'll smile, and it worked every time. to feel her hand in his once more.

"jude, you've been quiet lately," harry turns towards him. "anything you wanna share with the group?"

"no."

"mate, you've completely shut down. does it have something to do with y/n?" ron questions. jude's face drops and his brows furrowed. as if y/n leaving him wasn't enough, his friends had to bring up her name. not saying 'the snake' like they usually did but saying her name.

"no."

"i think what harry and ron are trying say is, we're here for you whenever you're ready to talk."

"she broke up with me, alright! she's clearly stated that she wants nothing to do with me and i just have to accept that."

"oh jude, i'm sure she didn't mean-" jude shakes his head, cutting hermione's sentence off.

"you weren't there. just leave it alone and leave me alone while you're at it."

jude stands from his seat and leaves the library abruptly. the more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got. angry that y/n gave up before even exploring what could've been. angry that it seemed so easy for the girl to just leave. his heavy footsteps ringing throughout the castle halls.

"jude!" lavender yelled out. the boy halts his movements and quietly curses to himself before turning around to face her. it's been a while since the gryffindor girl bothered him.

"what do you want?"

"y'know, since you and y/n broke up. i was wondering if you wanted to go out," lavender steps closer, rubbing her hand on his arm. jude felt disgusted. what didn't she understand by no?

"are you seriously asking me that?"

"well yeah. i just thought that i could help you get over the breakup."

"please leave me alone. i'm not interested and i'm pretty sure y/n told you that!"

before jude could get another word out, he glances over lavender's shoulder and sees y/n. he hasn't seen her in days and the only thing he could think of was how beautiful she looked. her eyes weren't as bright as they normally were. now replaced with a dull sunken look and the puffiness that followed.

as much as jude wanted to reach out, he couldn't bring himself to. he couldn't force the girl to love him or even reciprocate those feelings that he held for her.

"just forget it," jude mumbles, turning around and walking in the direction he was originally heading in once more.

-

you were dying. certainly, sure of it. you couldn't go to your classes, preferring to do as much work as you could from your dorm room. not being able to stomach seeing his face around the campus. the face of the person whose heart you broke. you knew you had feelings for the boy, but you couldn't act on them. at least that's what you kept telling yourself.

the endless tears that pansy, theo and blaise had to dry. they've never seen you so sad. it was weird for them. not sure on how to cheer you up. truth was, there wasn't anything they could do to cheer you up.

"come with me to the kitchens. we need to sneak things for the party on saturday," pansy says with a smile.

"do i have to?"

"yes. no questions about it." you groaned but got up anyways just to please your friend. you watched as she jumps while clapping. pulling your hand and dragged you straight to the destination.

the walk through the halls was quiet. you kept your hand laced with pansy's. not minding the friendly gesture, although it reminded you of a certain gryffindor boy.

"is that jude? with lavender?" pansy whispered. you stopped dead in your tracks. head whipping around to see if your friend was lying or not. of course, she wasn't. you watched as lavender rubbed his arm, almost smiling to yourself seeing him visibly disgusted by her.

"we should go before we won't have a chance to get the supplies."

"you don't wanna speak to him?"

"i'm sure he doesn't want to speak to me. i broke it off with him."

"you could tell him that you didn't mean it. i mean, look at you! you're miserable because he's not in your life anymore. you clearly like him a lot."

"pansy let it go," you whispered softly, turning around and facing the opposite direction. you tugged the girls' hand to follow you.

-

while each friend group had no idea on how to individually cheer the two up, it didn't stop them from continuously brainstorming ideas. which eventually lead the slytherins to face the fellow gryffindors tuesday afternoon.

"we need to talk," blaise speaking for the group and facing the three gryffindors. harry and ron's eyebrows raised in question. hermione sat there, as if she already knew what they were going to say.

"we need to get jude and y/n to talk."

"how did she know what we were going to talk about?" draco mumbled to pansy.

"because she's hermione. mione knows everything pretty much," pansy throws a playfully wink towards the girl.

"well, have a seat i guess," harry gestured to the empty seats. theo, pansy, blaise, and draco gladly sit down.

"let's get right into it. y/n has been miserable since they broke up. crying her eyes out almost every day and-"

"she's the one who called things off!" ron cuts theo off. theo huffs and rolls his eyes.

"i know that you dimwit. if you let me finish, i was gonna say that she clearly really cares about him. whatever happened between them, we need to undo it."

"but how?" harry asked.

"we're having a slytherin party on saturday. you guys are welcomed to come but bring jude," blaise began to explain the plan.

"then what? are we going to lock them in a room?" hermione chuckles, looking around the table. her chuckles fall mute due to the silence. "wait, are you joking?"

"no. it's the only way they're gonna talk," said pansy.

"no way that's actually gonna work," ron shakes his head at the thought of it.

"it doesn't hurt to try. the party starts at 9, don't be late," theo ends the conversation there. nodding his head at the three gryffindors, he stands up along with pansy, blaise and draco.

the group of them head out, leaving the three to themselves. the silence being loud as they sat thinking about how to get jude to the party. the boy barely wanted to talk about y/n and going to her common room for a party? it might take some heavy convincing.

[mmimagine-40]

The Love of a Father

I don't know why I am on such a kick for Stark!Reader but I am so enjoy!

Mainly: Dad!Tony Stark x Peter Parker x Stark!F!Reader

Other Pairings: Steve Rogers x Stark!F!Reader x Bucky Barnes, MJ x Peter Parker.

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The atmosphere in the Avenger Campus was..tenses. To say lightly. Just taking one step on the campus and you can feel how everyone was on edge. All the Avengers seem off. Snappy almost. Worst of them was Tony , Steve and Bucky. It been like this for Weeks. Ever since losing contact with Y/n and Peter.

A few weeks back Y/n and Peter were sent on a quick and simple mission. There had been some strange Activity readings coming from an abounded building that was once know to be used by Hydra. It should have been a fast and easy mission. Just get in, get some readings and get back. At the most should have taken 3-4 days. But the mission went wrong fast. As drones came out attacking Y/n and Peter. The last thing that The Avengers had any communications with them, they saw Peter and Y/n complaining about their suit acting up. Then at one moment Y/n tries saying something about her suite not respawning to her. Then her communications and suit went offline. They all watched in horror as they can see Y/n falling out of the sky. Peter swings trying to get to her as he screams her name before his suite and communications also went offline. The Avengers lost all connection to them.

Tony , Steve and Bucky went crazy. Pinning the last known location of their suits and running off to the location. Trying to find them. But every lead they found was a dead end.

In those weeks it became so tense in the Avengers campus. Everyone on edge as they also worry about Peter and Y/n. They were also very worried about Steve , Bucky and Tony. Who all three were on a thin line from breaking. Tony was locked up in his lab all day and night. Never leaving. At times there can even be tools and other objects being thrown around the lab. Steve and Bucky weren't much better in the training rooms. Needing to blow off steam. Steve broke almost every single punching bag. And Bucky volunteered to spar and train the new recruits. All of which ended up in the infirmity with injuries.

It was another day of the three not sleeping and stressing. When alarms started going off in the building. Many of the avengers come together in communications room. "Whats going on here?" Tony asked rushing in. Nat looked back at him before looking back at the screens trying not to say anything about his dark eye bags. Normal she wouldn't hold back. But she knows Tony along with Steve and Bucky aren't holding it very well with Peter and y/n missing. "Someone hacked into the system and got one of the quin jets to take off". "Do we have any way to get control of it again or anything?" Steve asked as he and Bucky also walked in. Nat shook her head no. "Whoever it is they know what they are doing. They took full control we are completely locked out. Even Friday can't get into it". Tony nodded as he step forward watching the screen as it shows the flight path the jet was going on. "Okay lets keep an eye on it see where its going.".

Over the the next day they kept a close eye on the jet when they noted that the jet was heading back to the campus. The Avengers decided to suit up and wait for the jet. To get the element of surprise on whoever took the jet and is coming back.

Friday; Communications form Quinn Jet 2914 incoming.

Tony approved it as the avengers listen in to see who it was. "Y/n Stark, (Iron hero name), We are about 20 minutes from landing at avengers campus. I'm going to need a med unit as soon as we land.". Y/ns voice cracks through the coms. Everyone went silent as their breath catches into their throats. "Friday get the med units here now!" Tony said panicking as he pulled up the screens to see when the jet will land.

Those 20 minutes felt like years as they all waited. Seeing the jet come down and land. All on edge as they wait for the doors to come down. Standing back to not rush Y/n and Peter. After landing a few minutes later, Y/n and Peter coming hobbling out. They look very rough. Beaten and cut. Peter leaned on Y/n as his arm was around her shoulders as she basically carried him out. The medical Unit rushed forward with Tony , Steve and Bucky. Tony helping Y/n get Peter on a stretcher. Then get the medical team rushing Peter off as he was in a very bad condition. Y/n stepped back as she let the team take over. As she did Steve and Bucky stepped up to check her over. She sighed as she turned them. Falling tired into Steves arms. Steve pulls her close. Picking her up as he carries her to the medical unit as well.

Its now been days since the events. Tony , Steve and Bucky never leave their side. Making sure that Peter and Y/n were okay and getting the story of what happen. But as the days passed Steve and Bucky became worried. Y/n wasn't really talking. She was off. They tried to be patient and let her heal. But they were worried about her.

After Peter and Y/n healed and were doing a bit better the Avengers held a get together. Not a full party. Just sitting around drinking , eating and being around one another. Steve and Bucky were talking as they watched Y/n carefully.

"i'm worried about her. Shes....just not the same". Steve said to Bucky as they watched Y/n. "I am too. I know we need to give her time. But still. I'm afraid something else is wrong." Bucky replied. Steve nodded as they see Pepper as she was get a drink. They look at each other before walking over to Pepper. "Hey Pepper, Can we talk to you a bit.". Pepper smiled up at them. "Hi Steve, Bucky. Yeah what's up?". "Its Y/n. We are worried about her ... she seems off.". Bucky said. Pepper smiled softly as she nodded seeing what they are talking about. She gesture them to follow her. They do as she walks them over to one of the couches that was off to the side of the room. On the couch asleep was Tony laying flat on his back. tucked into one side was Y/n then other side Peter and laying on his chest was Morgan. As they all slept. Tony holding them all close to them.

"She just needs her fathers comfort.... I know its hard. But give her some time. She will be okay." Pepper says softly to them. Both Steve and Bucky nodded as they looked down at them. Y/ns face was more relaxed as she slept in the comfort of her father and her siblings.

A fathers love is what both siblings needed to heal.

----------------------------------------------------------------

This is not the best, I had this idea of needing a fathers comfort but wasn't sure how to write it. Please if you wish to use the idea please do and tag me. Enjoy -MM

[existentialterror]

Light's ARG notes - Dear Evelyn

Dear Evelyn (spotify link) is a horror podcast with a few ARG elements! It's just coming out and it's really good. I know some of the people involved (though don't know anything else about the podcast itself) and really like the other podcast on their network, the Creepypasta Book Club. Check em out! There are also some ARG elements. (It looks like you can listen to the podcast without engaging with any of the ARG elements, at least for now, but it's early on and anyways I love an ARG.)

Under the cut I'm dropping a lot of spoiler notes on Episode 1 "introductions" and Episode 2 "The Attic", which is all that's out so far. Really just my notes on the characters and what we know about everything.

I'm taking a break for this in between working on the shorthand code, which... might take me a while. I know nothing about shorthand and never claimed to be good at codes in the first place. XD

Characters

The Payne family

Sparrow Payne - The voice of the show. Sending recordings to get back in touch with their younger sibling, Evelyn. Their father has just died and they've moved back to the old family house in Keen's Cross, Indiana.

Got emancipated at 16, hasn't been back since. Refers to themself as "the scary one" of the siblings.

Evelyn Payne - Sparrow's younger sister. Was more online at a younger age. Also left Keen's Cross early and has been estranged from everyone. Things are really tense with Sparrow, who doesn't even know their address, which Sparrow thinks is fair.

As a kiddo, really morbid and into scary stuff. Made up and was scared of "Gabe the Cave Monster".

On a post-it note on the wall of Evelyn's room, in her handwriting, is "Pale_Horse1392".

Pastor Roger Payne - Sparrow and Evelyn's dad, who recently died. Was always a hardass but really became a pious dick after his wife vanished.

Naomi Payne - Sparrow and Evelyn's mom, who went missing when Sparrow was - I forget but I want to say like 12 years old.

Into new age stuff, not as into the religious stuff, which was a point of conflict in her relationship with Roger.

Wrote extensive diaries.

Sparrow is pretty sure she's dead.

Other characters

Mrs. Rapperty (sp?): Next door neighbor, lives alone in big dirty house. Recluse. Now maybe has Alzheimer's or something. Said Naomi was so beautiful but that she lost the faith and left the kids - all of which was news to Sparrow. She seems to know something about Naomi.

Jake Petty: Gay kid that the kids knew when they were younger, stayed in Keen's Cross. Closer to Evelyn's age.

Officer Petty: Jake's dad. Cop.

Pastor Drayer (sp?): The new pastor. Was really curious about Evelyn at Roger's funeral, despite having never met either of the Payne kids.

The missing person case

According to news report at the end of "introductions", Naomi was: Reported as missing:

4 days after last seen

3 days after authorities were notified

Reported to outside authorities (like, police in another town) BY one of the kids hitchhiking to a nearby town. Guessing that's Sparrow, since Evelyn was very young.

Sparrow tried to get help and answers as a kid but doesn't seem to have known much.

Since she died, the entire case has been publicized and become infamous online, which Sparrow hates. A lot of stuff like Naomi's journals are digitally available.

Naomi's journals

Naomi wrote some every day, almost.

Some missing ones mentioned in "The Attic", including various years. The journals are indexed with letters.

Also lots of albums, almost all of the mom. Lots with the mom and some baby in places that don't look like Keen's Cross, which is confusing to Sparrow.

A lot of the diaries were made public but not these ones Sparrow just found in the attic.

Sparrow mentions one specific entry - 1992 (May 18) - Talking about Mt St Helens erupting, on its anniversary. Naomi tried to get others to leave town - something bad is happening here too.

An excerpt of one of the diaries, written in shorthand, was shared with the episode description. I'm still trying to figure out what it says.

The Payne House

Dad left the kid's rooms mostly untouched since they moved out.

Bunch of stuff in the attic that is padlocked shut. Wild!

As of "The Attic", at Evelyn's suggestion, Sparrow found the key taped to the underside of Dad's night stand.

The attic contained a bunch of Naomi's things and diaries, mostly untouched in interceding years. Unclear how much of this, if any, the police ever saw. There are sections of the diaries - like in shorthand - that definitely never appeared online, and that Sparrow never saw before.

pale_Horse1392

Right, so in the description of "introductions", there's a link to this image:

The QR code goes to this youtube channel, which contains (at time of writing) only this cryptic video.

So I'm thinking pale_horse1392 is either Evelyn, or someone Evelyn was in contact with as a young person.

Riddle

If you click on the drawing of Gabe the Cave Monster in the episode 2 notes, there's a link to a riddle. I also have not figured out the riddle.

[p-redux]

You know, I am stunned at the lack of logic and critical thinking in this fandom. It’s like those with extreme opinions have such strong confirmation bias that they can’t get out of their own way. When I read some of these posts on lots of different blogs, I am struck at the logical questions that are never truly answered- well except by ad hominem attacks and logical fallacies and extensive conspiracy theories.

1. Wouldn’t a TV show that’s not on a well-known and popular streaming service love the PR they’d get if their costars were actually in love and in a real life relationship? What value does the production company gain by keeping them hidden for almost 10 years? I can’t logically see that it would bring more profits. So we’re supposed to love a loyal, brave, committed, and family-oriented Jamie, but we need a single, sexy Sam to sell the show?? Cognitive dissonance anyone?

2. Now that it’s well established that Sam and Caitriona essentially ARE Outlander and are EPs, wouldn’t they have the power to say no more if this “ narrative” was true? If they quit, there’s no OL. Couldn’t they refuse to film anything else if they aren’t allowed to tell the truth (if it’s hidden)? It’s interesting that Ron and Terri are married, Maril and Matt have twins together, but S and C were forbidden to be together? I would think that could be a legitimate lawsuit. Didn’t they renegotiate new contracts since the first season?

3. Do people actually believe that Sam and Caitriona are good people, philanthropic people, hard working entrepreneurial people, wonderful human beings but at the same time think that either of them would actually lie about their own children? With Sam’s childhood, people honestly think he would deny his kids AND be away from them for months? That they both would lie and deceive us about her father’s funeral?

4. So it’s been 10 years and NOT ONE person associated with either of them has publicly and clearly stated, with no doubts or other possible connotations, that they are really together? No costars? No personal friends? No teacher of their kids? No hospital personnel where the kids were born? No extras on OL? No crew members- even those that have been gone long enough that any NDA they signed about the production would have expired? No hotel staff where they may have traveled with their kids? No former “fake gfs” who might be pissed? No friends of “ fake gfs” that want to defend their friend and set the record straight? Not one person who has been associated with OL who might just think this is harmful to children? No photos of them with kids in public- clear photos, not reflections or someone in the background that we cannot clearly identify? Not videos where we cannot tell who is actually there? Wouldn’t someone somewhere have gotten a photo of them together as a family? In ten years? Have you P, seen evidence that I haven’t? I have seen nothing but reflections, blurry images, unidentifiable people in the background. Am I missing something?

5. About their chemistry- they aren’t the only actors I have ever seen that have great chemistry but no real romantic relationship. There are lots of them. It’s like people don’t know what actors actually do. So much of chemistry in acting between actors is about trust and respect for the work. Even some of the best chemistry has been between actors who didn’t really like each other in real life, but were able to use their chemistry and their talent to create characters we believed loved each other.

6. Lastly, I can’t wrap my brain around liking and respecting these two actors for their work and for their real lives, while claiming every day they are lying to me.

People see what they want to see or what they need to see to support their position.

Occam’s Razor tells me that the simplest explanation is often the best one.

Hopefully when OL finally ends, these two will get some peace.

Now, watch the “but what about ______? “start.

Bless you Anon for summarizing everything I and countless other SANE fans have been saying in the Outlander fandom for the last 9 years. The thing is...some Extreme Shippers continue to ship for a few reasons. I put them in these categories:

1. OG shippers who have invested SO many YEARS in their SamCait fantasy ship. They want to "save face." It's embarrassing to acknowledge that you were fed and believed a LIE for so long. Their egos can't handle it, so they'd rather double down, and find a way to pretzel their brains around things that are obvious facts to the rest of us. They don't want to feel like they "lost." So, they just keep on denying the TRUTH and the mountains of evidence showing that Sam and Cait are not a couple in real life. The alternative is too painful to them. It's been too much time, too much energy, too much of themselves invested in the ship, and they are missing something in their real lives. The ship fills that void.

2. New fans to Outlander who have recently discovered it. They've gone down the rabbit hole of shipper Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter X accounts and they haven't climbed their way out yet to blogs like mine, and other Non-Shippers.

3. The Fake Shippers who pretend to be shippers to MAKE MONEY off those still clinging on to the life boats. There are still bloggers and shipper groups who know they have a captive audience in shippers holding out hope that some of what the original shipper leaders sold them might actually be true. These fake shippers manipulate gifs, pictures, videos, SHOW shippers what they WANT to see. They keep them hanging on with podcasts, magazine, subscriptions. They sell them trips to Scotland, conventions t-shirts, mugs, daily "proof" that Sam and Cait secretly live together with their 5 bairns. And because con artists are experts at conning people, they make everything believable...and some poor souls buy what they're selling. Literally BUY 💵 what they're selling. Sadly, this fandom is filled with a lot of retired women with disposable income, who are lonely or disillusioned with their own lives. And they are easy pickings for the money hungry fake shippers.

So, in summary, the reason there are still some SamCait Shippers is a combination of fake shippers SELLING them the fantasy AND women needing to STILL hold onto the fantasy. With a few actually mentally unwell women thrown in here and there, who have diagnosable mental health issues.

It's actually quite sad. If only they had gotten off the ship with the rest of us years ago, they could have been enjoying celebrating REAL love. Instead, they're on a constantly rocky ship that causes them disappointment more often than not. Here, on terra firma, no one needs Dramamine. It's lovely. Because it's REAL. 💞

[winchesterwild78]

Chance Meeting pt 5

Part 1, 2, 3, 4

18+ Minors DO NOT interact

This is my first ever fan fiction. I adore Jensen Ackles and have no hate towards his family. In this he’s single. I’m not sure exactly how to do this so any suggestions or feedback is appreciated. Please be kind and all mistakes are my own. All work is mine. Please don’t copy it.

Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, Jensen being a sweetheart

Chapter Warnings: implied teen pregnancy, Jensen being a sweetheart, plus sized reader body issues, Things continue to heat up

A/N: I’m working hard on making sure the chapters get done quickly. I don’t want to leave you hanging for too long. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Reader is older-not trying to alienate anyone, but I wanted the reader close to Jensen’s age and with children. This will make more sense in later chapters.

———————————————————————

As you opened your room door you looked at your phone. 6 missed calls from y/f/n and 10 texts. “Oh great, I forgot to call her back last night.” You immediately called her back and as soon as she answered the phone you quickly said “Oh my god, y/f/n I am so sorry I forgot to call you. I was incredibly busy and it slipped my mind.” “Well y/n it better have been a good reason. I’ve been worried sick.” She said. “Did you end up going to karaoke?” “Yes I did, and I sang a song with Jensen. His voice is even more beautiful in person.” “So, y/n tell me everything.” She said with excitement in her voice. You started at the beginning and you told her how it felt like a magnet was pulling you to him. You could hear her giggle as you continued telling her about everything. Well maybe not every single detail, but enough to make her squeal with delight. “So are y’all just fuck buddies or something else?” She said after you finished. “God, y/f/n crude much?!?” “I don’t know what we are right now. I just know when I’m with him I feel safe, loved and protected. I feel like I’ve known him for years. I can’t explain it. Trust me, once I know I’ll let you know.” You told her. After talking for a few minutes you told her you needed to get ready for the panels and photo ops. You both said your goodbyes with you promising to text or call her later.

You changed into your Radio Company t-shirt, grabbed your flannel and finished off your outfit with your comfy shoes. You fixed your hair into a messy bun and put on light makeup. One last look and you were headed out the door passes for the day in hand. The anticipation of the day gave you butterflies. You wondered how Jensen would act towards you and since Jared saw you how would he be towards you.

The first panel was with Jared, Jensen and Misha. You took your seat on the 2nd row on the far right. You were in the first seat and could see the stage clearly. The guys were introduced and took to the stage. Deafening applause and screams filled the room. They sat down on their chairs, of course Jared turned his around. You saw Jensen scanning the crowd looking for you. When he made eye contact with you he smiled. You smiled and bit your lip. He bit his bottom lip and licked his lips. Jared noticed and smiled, tipping his head to you. He leaned over to Misha and whispered something to him that caused him to look your direction and smile. He gave Jensen a playful slap on his arm with a big grin on his face. Jensen blushed a little. You thought he was absolutely adorable with slight pink cheeks.

The panel started with the guys talking and cracking jokes. The crowd was in the palm of their hands. These guys really love their fans and know how to really work the crowd. You hardly took your eyes off Jensen. He was breathtaking and so sweet answering questions about any and everything people asked him. You decided to jump in line to ask a question before Jensen turned back your way. He saw you weren’t in your seat and you saw his face fall a little. The next question came from the other side of the room so Jensen turned to listen and answer the question. Your turn was next. Your heart was racing and you had no idea what you were going to ask, so you decided to wing it.

You took the microphone and when Jensen saw you he started smiling. Jared and Misha both grinned. Jared said hello first followed by Misha and then Jensen. You said “hey guys! My name is y/n it’s really great to meet you three.” Jared said “hello y/n I’m Jared, that’s Misha and the goof down there is Jensen.” You giggle when Jensen whips his head around and said “oh I’m the goofy one?!?” Everyone started laughing. You looked at Jensen and said “um my question is for Jared” giving Jensen and smile a wink while Jared starts laughing and says go on. You ask him “Since he was Deans little brother, if he could pick the perfect girl for Dean what would her personality be and would it be similar to someone he would approve of for Jensen? Why or why not?” Jared said “Well y/n I’m glad you asked that question. Hmm the perfect girl for Dean would be very similar to the perfect girl for Jensen. They would have to be strong willed, loving, family oriented, could cook and put up with his moods .” “So let me ask you something, y/n. Are you a Sam girl or a Dean girl?” He asked you wiggling his eyebrows. Jensen spoke up and said “well obviously she’s a Dean girl because she wanted to know about his perfect girl.” He said smiling at you. “You looked between the both of them and smiled then said “Well, actually I’m a Cas girl.” Everyone erupted in laughter. Jared and Misha both jumped up to hug you. Jared grabbed you and pulled you into a hug and whispered “so glad to finally meet you officially.” Misha hugged you and said “I knew I was going to like you.” Jared jumped back on stage and said “best answer ever!” You thanked them and took your seat looking at Jensen and you’re both smirking at each other.

Before the end of the panel one of the staff members came over and tapped you on the shoulder. “Ma’am, Mr Ackles would like you to join them in the green room. If you could please follow me.” You grabbed your stuff and got up to follow her. She took you behind a curtain and into a room with seating, food and drinks. There was also a tv that showed the current panel. A few minutes later the panel was done and the guys were walking off the stage. The next thing you knew the door was opening with Jared, Jensen and Misha walking in. They all greeted you with hello’s and smiles. Jensen walked up to you and took you in his arms. He hugged you and backed away. You leaned in for a kiss and he said “oh I thought you were a Cas girl?” You playfully hit his chest and he softly kissed your lips. “Awwwww” Both Jared and Misha said at the same time. Jensen shot them a smirk and put his arm around you. You all sat around talking and getting to know each other. All the guys showed you recent pictures of their kids and they talked about how fast they were growing. You showed pictures of your kids and talked about how they have both grown up too fast. Your oldest is in their 20s and your youngest is almost 18. Everyone looked at you and said there was no way you had a kid in their 20s. You laughed and said “I started early.” Jensen sat staring at you and you were worried you just blew it with him. Yes he has kids, but they weren’t teenagers yet. You kinda held your breath until Jared and Misha got up to leave and told Jensen and you they would give y’all a few minutes alone before Jensen was due for his next thing.

When the door closed you looked at Jensen who was still staring at you. He whispered to you “I kinda like the idea of a MILF.” He growled in your ear and you were on each other like a couple of teenagers. You were panting and hands roaming over each other. Deep passionate kisses and Jensen leaving love bites down your neck. His lips were intoxicating and his touch was electric. You knew you couldn’t get too hot and heavy but damn did your body crave him. Between kissing and heavy petting you told him he needed to get ready for the next thing. You didn’t want him to be late. He kept kissing you and finally pulled himself away. “You know I just realized I don’t have your number.” Jensen said with a chuckle. You smiled and gave him your number then said “well I think we had more pressing things on our minds.” He texted you and you saved his number under “J” just in case someone saw your phone. You didn’t have a clue what this was between you two and you really didn’t know how to explain it yet. Keeping this between you two right now was the best decision for both of you. With one last kiss you both sighed and left the green room. He went to his photo ops and you went to get in line. You were looking forward to getting the pictures done and hopefully seeing Jensen later tonight.

Part 6 soon

[meraki24601]

Would you be opened to writing a whump prompt for me? I'm writing a story about a Whumpee returning after having been missing for 4 months. 

If so: Could you write the scene in which caretaker (who looks for missing Whumpee every single night) stumbles across a very sick Whumpee (it's been raining, probably pneumonia) and sorry I don't know if this is too much for you but anywhoo

Caretaker takes Whumpee to their home, Whumpee who is just so feverish but caretaker can tell that Whumpee is different, the way they flinch at slight touch

Maybe during caretaking, caretaker decides that they don't care about Whumpee's flinching, and they just hug them. Whumpee is so painfully touch-starved they just start crying in caretaker's arms.

This is a bonus but only if you have time to do it or even care: caretaker's mother is a doctor, she comes down as soon as the door opens, and helps somehow

thanks if so!

For some reason, I didn't get a notification when you sent this. I found it, though! Hope you like it.

---*-***-*---

4 Months

I spent day 1 of the search stuck in the police station. The moment Whumpee didn't make it home, I made the call, but they had to wait to put in the report. I answered questions and gave evidence for hours. Their last known whereabouts were just outside the grocery store we always go to. 

On day 3, they found video evidence of Whumpee getting in Whumper's car. Their hands were tied behind their back. Whumper looked up at the camera and smiled before closing the car door. They sent out new wanted alerts within 5 minutes of finding it. 

Day 7, the police sent out search parties. They had a satellite picture of Whumpee tied to a fence just outside a town two states over. They… didn't look good. By the time they arrived at the scene, all they could find was a bloody smear. 

Day 30 came and passed. There were two more sightings. Each one was worse than the last. The FBI got involved. 

On day 61, the FBI told me they were closing the case. They had received an image of Whumpee lying dead on the ground. They couldn't find the body or Whumper. They were going to keep a file open on Whumper, but Whumpee was officially considered dead. It was a lie, though. There's no way Whumper actually killed Whumpee. 

Day 78, I moved back in with my mother. I didn't want her to disappear like Whumpee had. That same day, she opened a package in the mail containing a finger. The police didn't believe me. The package disappeared before I could turn it in. After that, I couldn't help but worry every time she left for her nursing shift at the hospital. 

Day 94, my mother held me as I cried. It was their birthday. I refuse to give up. Whumpee is still alive. I will find them, with or without the police's help.

Day 122, four months on the dot since Whumpee disappeared, I found them tied to a tree in the forest behind my mother's house. Technically, Bunny, my mom's Doberman, found them after pulling her leash out of my hands. When I caught up with her, she’d dropped her favorite ball in Whumpee's hand and was whining softly.

I froze, looking at the person I had been searching for over the past 4 months. They were soaked to the bone and covered in dirt and leaves, seemingly having been left outside through the rain storm that had just passed maybe an hour earlier. For a moment, I couldn't tell if they were dead or alive. 

A deep cough that made my own chest hurt echoed through the trees. Whumpee's hand, with one finger missing, shifted slightly to roll Bunny's ball back toward her. The dog grabbed the ball, bouncing around her found friend with reckless abandon. The soft sob that pushed its way from my throat caught Bunny's attention, and she ran back to me; the ball in her mouth displaying a dark, bloody handprint. 

Bunny dashed back toward the house in fear as I screamed Whumpee's name. They didn't respond. I crashed to my knees on the muddy forest floor in front of Whumpee. They barely had the strength left to lift their head, but they still flinched as I reached for them. 

"Don't." Whumpee's voice was hoarse as they pushed one single word at me. Their eyes were unfocused, and each breath rattled on its way in. Their whole body shivered despite the humidity after the summer rain. 

"You're safe, Whumpee. It's me." I whispered, "I'm going to cut the ropes. Just hold still for a minute longer."

Whumpee's eyes were huge as I shifted closer. When I reached out to comfort them by patting their leg, a strangled cry broke through the silence that had fallen over the forest. Whumpee pulled against the ropes already cutting into their skin. Their struggles didn't last for long. What energy they had left them as their face turned even paler. They were able to tilt their head just enough that when they threw up a mixture of stomach acid and blood dripped on the ground next to them. 

I took advantage of their distraction and quickly cut the ropes, catching Whumpee as they nearly fell into the small puddle of bile. They pulled away from my grip. I hushed them and shifted them carefully into my arms. They were light… so light in my arms. Their heart beat quickly against my chest, but even as I stood, I could feel it start to slow. 

"Mom! I need help. Get the kit!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I sprinted back to the house. The windows to her room were open, and a twitching curtain told me she had heard me. She had probably started watching the moment Bunny came back without me. 

The back door was already open. The chairs around the table had been pushed back against the wall, a plastic tablecloth we had bought for a picnic was spread out neatly on the table with the large first aid kit open at the head, and mom was scrubbing her hands in the sink. "Lay them down carefully on the table. Did you check for injuries?" My mother asked with her work face on. 

"They're bleeding! Of course they're hurt!" I couldn't help but yell back as I spread the shaking Whumpee on the kitchen table. How many meals have we shared at this table? Game nights before my father passed away, and we suddenly didn't have enough time?

"I wasn't asking if they were hurt, Caretaker. I was asking how and where." Mother's hands, shrouded in gloves, waved me back. "You need to step out for a minute. Change into clean clothes, wash your hands, and get me water and the softest wash rags you can find. It's going to be alright. Take a moment to calm down. I need you focused and ready to help."

I couldn't leave the kitchen fast enough. Every part of my body yearned to burst back in there and demand answers I knew couldn't be answered yet. So, I did as I was told. Water sloshed out of the bucket as I stumbled back toward Whumpee, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. 

My mother's soothing voice brought me to a stop just outside the kitchen door. "There you go. You're safe now. Take a deep breath in and now out. That's alright, that's alright. You did a good job. Steady now. I'm going to turn you on your side just a bit so I can see your back, okay?"

A deep, scream broke off into a fit of barely supported coughing. I opened the door. 

Whumpee had shifted, their body pulling against my mother's hands as they tried to curl up into a tight ball. The moment they saw me, however, those weak struggles turned into something almost primal. A thin sheen of sweat now covered their body. Mom barely managed to keep Whumpee from slipping off the table. 

All at once, all of the strength dripped out of their body. With eyes half-hooded, Whumpee watched carefully as I approached. I could hear their strained whisper, tainted with tight coughs, "It's not real. It's not real. It's not real." Their body stiffened. Not a good sign. 

"I am real, Whumpee." I sighed. They flinched away from the sound of my voice, eyes popping and searching for the source. My mom's fingers prodded at an open wound and caused them to gasp which threw them into another coughing fit. 

"Most of the older injuries have been treated. Not by me, by someone else." My mother's voice cut through the steadily building fog in my mind. "Malnourished, dehydrated, severe blood loss, gashes and bruises covering their chest. I also expect they have a rather serious case of pneumonia. Coughing, confusion, fever, nausea, and seeming chest pain outside of the visible injuries. 

"I need to be able to check their back before I feel comfortable enough to move them to the hospital. Can you help me turn them over?"

Each time I approach or make as if to touch Whumpee, they whisper in panicked tones as they flinch away, pushing their body as far away from me as they can in their weakened state. Over and over. My mother cautioned me to move slowly, but nothing seemed to help. I still wasn't completely confident they knew who I actually was. Each flinch stretched Whumpee's closing wounds. 

Finally, I'd had enough dancing around it. Whumpee cried out and tried to escape as I slid my arms under them and started to lift them up so they rested against my chest. 

Whumpee's struggles grew harder, fighting to free themselves, but I whispered comforting words in their ear. As my mother checked on their back, Whumpee began to ease up, I could feel their fever as they eventually started to cling to me instead of pushing away. Tears stained my shirt as my mother finished her task and stepped out of the room to call the hospital and the police. 

"I tried so hard to find you. I want you to know I never gave up." After my quiet declaration, Whumpee went limp in my arms. As they slept, I made myself a promise. I would never lose someone like this again. 

[thaliaisalesbian]

i get myself twisted in threads

Chapter 3: where you'd always be

Chapters: 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, ao3

“I can do it.” El says, face set. “I closed a gate. I can open one.”

“We don’t know where Steve is, honey.” Mom tells her, gently. “You’ve said you couldn’t pinpoint where he is.”

“He keeps moving.” She insists. “Running. Hiding.”

Jonathan doesn’t think Steve is running from anything, not if he still has that bat. It’s more likely he’s searching for another gate.

He hadn’t run from the demogorgon, and he hadn’t even known what it was then.

There’s no way he’s running now, not if he’s got a chance to kill them.

Unless he’s too injured to put up a fight. But that’s not a thought Jonathan can let himself linger on.

“Would it really hurt to take her out into the woods?” He asks. “See if maybe it’s easier out there?”

It feels like the chance that they’ll find Steve is dropping drastically each day, even though El says he’s alive.

If El told him the only way to get Steve back was to listen to ABBA every day for the rest of his life, he’d do it. Not having Steve around has been… weird. The fact that they know where he is but can’t get him only makes it worse.

The kids have all been off, snappish to the point their teachers noticed, and Will yelled, actually yelled, at Mike yesterday.

“I will go alone.” El adds. “Find him by myself.” She would, too. The second they leave her alone, she’ll go into the woods and if she finds a gate? Well, she’ll almost certainly go through it.

Mom runs her hands through her hair, and Jonathan hugs her quickly. He knows she and Hopper haven’t been sleeping, that they’ve been staying up at night to try and figure out a good way to get Steve out. “Jonathan, Nancy, would you take her?”

Hopper and Mom both still have jobs, and the kids are in school—it’s probably for the best that they don’t know about this attempt. They’d just try and join in, and he really doesn’t want to wrangle six kids through the woods.

Technically, he and Nancy have school too, but Nancy’s got next week’s work done already and he can catch up easily.

It’s not like he’s really been able to focus on his teachers, anyway.

Steve might be able to handle the kids, probably would be if he or Nancy were trapped instead, but he has no idea how. Will and El, maybe one more of them, that’s fine for him. But all of them? Jonathan’s never been sure how to get them to listen.

“Yes.” Nancy answers. “We’ll take her. El, go eat and get dressed. We’ll try and be back before the kids get out of school.”

“Thank you.” Mom hugs all three of them, hard and fast, and then she has to leave, too.

“Do you really think she’ll find him?” Nancy whispers. They’re walking a little behind El, letting her lead them on whatever path she’s following. Possibly a path Steve has walked today.

“I don’t think she’ll stop trying until she does.”

They spend a lot longer in the woods than they intended to; the kids come and find them in the end. He doesn’t know how—they didn't bring a walkie with them, and it’s not like they would work at this distance anyway.

“Mom said since it’s Saturday tomorrow, we could help look now.” Will tells him. Jonathan doesn’t think he’s lying.

El hasn’t said much of anything to them all day; he has no idea what she’s been picking up on that makes her so sure Steve is close. She doesn't even greet the others, fingers staying loosely by her side when Mike tries to take her hand.

“Okay, but we’re not staying out too late.” He says, looking over all the kids.

“Yeah, we don’t want to be out here after dark.” Lucas agrees. “And my parents will kill me if I miss curfew again.”

“Here.” El stops after a few more minutes of walking. Mike tries to take her hand, but she ignores him again, the way she’s been ignoring all the kids since they showed up. Max isn’t able to get a reaction out her either. 

“Here? You’re sure?” Dustin asks, and all the kids start talking at once. Nancy leans towards him.

“Should we get Hopper and Joyce?” Yes. Yes, they should. They need to, really.

“I don’t think the kids will wait, even though it’s the smart thing to do.” They’re not unprepared; the kids have their little weapons, he knows Nancy has two pistols on her, and he’s got an ordinary bat, because El was not going to wait for him to hammer nails into this one.

“We have to go.” El looks at him, with all the seriousness and gravity of someone more than double her age, and points at the mini-gate ahead.

The edges are flickering, like it’s going to close soon.

It probably will.

“I am going.” She tells them. “They will come with me.”

“I know.” Jonathan says. They don’t have time to wait, and the kids won’t accept a couple of them staying behind to let his mom and Hopper know what’s happened.

Stepping in front of them, bat raised, he walks through the gate first.

Steve sees the faint glow of a gate, maybe a mile and a half away—he’s never been great at tracking distances.

He can’t run very fast; his legs won’t cooperate with that.

But he tries. He jogs as fast as he can, and eventually, he can see something—someone?—on the other side.

They come through—a group of people—and he’s too late. He’s too late, because the gate closes behind them.

If he had anything to bet, he'd bet that he knows exactly who they are, and what they're doing.

He sees the demogorgon before they do.

finish on ao3 or keep reading below

If he’s right—if they came after him—he can’t let them die. He can’t let them die for him. He pushes himself harder, faster, feels the still-healing bites on his ankles rip back open, start bleeding.

Good. It will draw it away from them.

He launches himself in front of them.

Swings the bat.

Feels it connect.

Rips it out.

Aims for the head.

Over and over again, ignoring the shouting behind him. There’s another one, circling, but it’s staying back for now.

Something bumps his shoulder, but when he glances over, it’s only Jonathan, standing back to back with him, his own bat raised.

Just a regular bat, though. It will hold them off a little, but it’s not great.

Nancy’s got a pistol out. Lucas has that little slingshot at the ready.

He can’t let them get hurt.

When the second one circles close enough, he goes for the torso on purpose, hoping to lead it away.

He doesn’t see the other two—demodogs, not fully grown yet, thankfully—behind it.

They bite and claw at him; he’s so close to them he can hardly hear the gunshots.

Jonathan pulls him away, looking… angry?

“Steve, what the fuck?” He asks. “Why did you do that?”

 “You didn’t… see… the first one… coming.” Steve barely manages to catch his breath enough to speak. He’s never really been a great runner. 

“No, I get that. Why take that one,” He nudges the second corpse with the tip of his bat, “alone?”

“I’m not letting any of you get hurt.” He looks them over, the kids’ faces all strained with worry and fear, Nancy still holding her pistol tightly. “I swear it, I’ll protect you all, or I’ll die trying.”

“Steve.” Nancy gasps, and he knows she didn’t mean to say it that way, like it was wrenched from the depths of her soul, from the look on her face.

“Come on.” He pushes against Jonathan a little, stepping towards the kids, even though standing by himself hurts. It’s worse than it’s been in days, but they really can’t afford to stay out here. He can’t protect them all in the open like this, and Nancy will run out of bullets if they’re not careful.  “I don’t really have a hideout, I’ve just kind of been sleeping in trees. But we’ve got to get you all somewhere safe.”

"Hurt." El slips her warm little hand into his free one.

"I'll be okay," He tells her, remembering her lying rule. "We can take care of it when we’re safe.”

He needs to get them out of here.

El squeezes his hand, hard. God, she’s just a kid. A little girl. She shouldn't see him like this.

None of the kids should, and he wants to be pissed at Nancy and Jonathan for bringing them here, but he doesn’t have time right now. They can't stay out in the open.

“Where are we going, Steve?” Dustin comes around his other side.

“My place.” He says. He hasn’t actually been there yet—he’s been avoiding it; it’s probably not much better in the Upside Down than in it is Hawkins—but it’s closer than the Byers’. He probably wouldn’t make it there, at this rate.

That, and his packets of crackers are barely enough to keep him fed. He doesn’t know how long they’re going to be in here for, doesn’t know when—or if—another gate will open anytime soon.

“How long has it been?” He asks as the kids gather around him, mindful of the nailbat.

“Nearly two weeks.” Nancy answers. “We haven’t found another gate. El could tell us you were alive, but she couldn’t pinpoint where you were.”

“I’ve been moving a lot.” He nods to one of his marks on the trees. “Trying to find a gate or something.”

“Yeah.” He can feel their eyes on the back of his head, even as the kids start whispering to each other and asking him questions.

He does his best not to think about how hurt Jonathan looked when he pushed him away. It's not Jonathan actually cares, anyway. He's probably only here for the kids' sake.

“This looks bad, Steve.” He’d only let Nancy in to help clean and bandage the wounds because El had stared him down. He can handle this himself, and from Nancy’s frown, she’s not too happy about it either. But he doesn’t need to get in a fight with a superpowered pre-teen today.

“It’s been nearly two weeks, they were healing. Ripped back open today. This is the worst they’ve been in a while.” Steve leans back against the mirror. The rot of Upside Down doesn’t seem to have infected his house like it has the woods, or maybe he’s just used to how things look here now.

That, and if he’s not facing the mirror, he doesn’t have to think about how he must look—probably pale and unwell, with too-long hair and an unshaven face. 

His mother would throw a fit if she saw him.

“What have you been eating?” She asks. “Most of the food here doesn’t look edible.”

“It isn’t.” He doesn’t bother to hide the wince as she tightens the bandages. She’d call him on it if he did, and he doesn’t have the energy for that lecture right now. “I’ve got crackers.”

“Crackers?”

“If you know about more food around here, feel free to go get it. I checked the school first. I tried town first, you know. Got chased out. That’s how I got these in the first place.” 

“We’re going to get out of here.”

Spoken like someone who hasn’t been looking for a way out for two weeks.

“Yeah, we need to get the kids out.” He agrees, and it’s not what she wants him to say, but Will’s already been stuck here, and he still has ‘asthma’ attacks fairly often. 

Joyce and Hopper wore Hazmat suits when they came in here. They have none of that protection.

By the time he’d realized he should be wearing something over his mouth and nose, it’d been a few days. They had in the tunnels, but he’d been more concerned with other things at the time.

“If there are clothes that aren’t infected here, use them as masks.” He hops down from the counter. “We don’t have anything to cover our eyes, but we should limit exposure as much as we can. Especially for Will.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve survived two weeks, Nancy.” It’s a little mean, but he doesn’t care about being nice right now. She and Jonathan are one thing—ideally, none of them should ever be here, but all the kids?

They can be stubborn but they’re also all like five feet tall, it’s not that hard to shove them to the ground.

“Steve.” Nancy’s hands are on his face when he looks at her again. They’re warm, and he wonders how cold his skin feels to her. 

Everything feels so cold here. As much as he wants to pull away, he can’t make himself do it, savoring the warmth for a moment.

“What’s going on? You spaced out.” 

Fuck. He hadn’t had anyone to confirm those episodes, and he can’t tell time here anyway.

“I’ll be okay.” He steps out of her reach. “Don’t worry about me. We need a plan.”

“The kids have been making one around the kitchen table the whole time we’ve been up here, I think we can spare a few minutes.”

“And those few minutes don’t need to be in the Upside Down. The sooner we get out of here, the better.”

He walks around her when she doesn’t move out of his way.

“Steve.” He turns to look at her, watches the way her brow scrunches as she looks him up and down again. “You don’t have to pretend.”

“Pretend what?”

“Don’t play dumb, it really doesn’t suit you. You’ve always been good at reading people, you know exactly what I mean.”

“Later, Nance.” He doesn’t want to explain to her—with the kids probably listening right outside the door, because she says they’re at the table but they’re all too curious for their own good—that he’s been in pain, cold, starving, and terrified out of his mind for the better part of two weeks and that he’s drained, he’s tired of all it. And when they weren’t here it wasn’t as much of a problem—he could sleep in any tree he wanted, pretty much, as long as he could climb it. Now he has to figure out how to feed them all and keep them all safe. Sure, Nancy’s got her pistols, Jonathan’s got that new bat of his, but she’ll run out of bullets eventually and a regular wooden bat isn’t very effective against demogorgons.

Of course, El’s here too, but he doesn’t want her to fight if she doesn’t need to. Her powers take a lot out of her and she shouldn’t need to worry about that, or protecting her friends. 

“Steve! Are you gonna die?” Dustin doesn’t even wait until the door is fully open, and Steve lets himself laugh. 

“No, shithead. I’m not going to die. Don’t worry about me. We have a plan to make, remember?” Dustin nods and immediately starts talking, which means the others all start putting in their own ideas.

They’re so easily redirected at times, it’s almost funny.

What it really serves as is a reminder for young they are, all over again.

He’s not paying much attention to what Jonathan is doing, so he nearly falls over when he wraps a warm arm around Steve’s waist.

“You look like you’re going to fall over, man. Let us help you for once.” He doesn’t sound mad, not the way he did earlier, but Jonathon Byers is one person he’s never been good at reading, no matter how many times he tries. Will is a little easier—he’s still a kid, and the amount of trust he and the rest of the kids put in Steve helps.

Most days, he’s not even sure that Jonathan likes him, let alone trusts him.

Actually, these days, he knows Jonathan doesn't like him. 

“Thanks?” It comes out as more of a question than he intends, and he ignores the ‘subtle’ look Nancy and Jonathan share. Since when do they want to help him?

“Nancy, do you remember where my bedroom is?” He asks. “We need to get stuff for masks. And maybe some of it can be ripped up for bandages.”

“Do you think we’ll need more, Steve?” Will’s at the bottom of the stairs, eyes wide. “Are you bleeding a lot?” He and El have stayed a few steps behind the other kids, and Max is half-turned toward them like she’s listening in, too.

“Nah, little Byers, but it’s good to be prepared, right?” He detaches himself from Jonathan and manages the last few steps on his own, ruffling Will’s hair. “Like you would in your dungeon game, right?”

“Dungeons and Dragons, Steve, come on.” Will rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling a little bit. Will’s caught onto his little game of pretending he doesn’t know what Dungeons and Dragons is called, but none of the others have yet.

“You can’t keep hiding things from them.” Jonathan says quietly. “They’re going to be insufferable when they find out.”

“Yeah. ‘Friends don’t lie.’ I know. But for now, they don’t need to be worried about me. We need to get out.”

“And you think any of us is going to let you stay behind and play bait?” Now he’s upset, moving into Steve’s space, and it would be so easy to shove him away, but he doesn’t really want to.

Jonathan’s warm, and everything here is so cold.

And because, even though he knows it's only so the kids don't overhear, for a second Steve can pretend it's because Jonathan cares.

Not the time to think about that.

“Or were you going to leave that part out?” Nancy’s holding what looks like a drawerful of his clothes. “You can distract them all you want, Steve, I know you.”

Does she?

They haven’t exchanged much more than small talk in months, even before he overheard their conversation.

He knows better than to tread where he’s not wanted, no matter how much it hurts.

Watching Steve turn away stings more than she thought it would. Jonathan takes half of the clothes out of her arms, giving her a look.

“He wants us to use them as masks.”

“And he hasn’t had one this whole time because…”

“His old bandages were ripped from the clothes he’s wearing.” He didn’t have anything else.

“Did he tell you anything?”

“Not really.” Steve’s good at figuring other people out, but when it comes to himself, he either doesn’t care to—or maybe he doesn’t know how.

Nancy pauses. Steve had zoned out, but only for a few minutes. It might not be anything.

It could be something here affecting him. Does he even know that he’s been zoning out? What if it had happened while he was climbing a tree, or fighting off a demogorgon?

Or it could be from the concussions he’s had lately. She’s noticed that he’s been getting migraines more than he ever used to.

It scares her.

It scares her, because after Hargrove beat him up, Hopper had had to go after him when he’d tried to walk home, and it wasn’t until Joyce saw his face in daylight the next morning that she’d insisted he go to the hospital.

That had been a fight. The kids had been stumbling over themselves to talk in between calling their parents and making plans to get home.

She knows his parents weren’t home. He wouldn’t have tried to leave if they were.

He had to have lied about Joyce and Hopper about it; there’s no way they would have let him stay by himself.

She’d been pissed at herself when she’d seen him at school the next week, bruises looking worse than ever, and had realized that she hadn’t even thought to mention that he was probably alone to anyone.

She hadn’t even checked up on him once. She doesn’t know if Hopper or Joyce did. IF they had, they hadn’t mentioned it.

Out of habit, she checks that her pistols are in place.

“What’s that for?” Mike asks, just a little too loudly.

“Arts and Crafts, Wheeler, get with the program.” Steve deadpans. Mike glares at him, but when Lucas elbows him he doesn’t say anything.

“Steve thought we should all have something to cover our faces,” Nancy explains. “Tie it around your mouth and nose.” She hadn’t really gone through them earlier, but t-shirts should work, right? They’ll be really big for their intended purpose, sure, but that just means they can double or triple fold them.

More layers might be better protection, too.

She ties hers on as the kids help each other with theirs. As soon as Steve has tied Max’s into place, she turns around and holds out a hand.

“Aw, Maxie, are you going soft on us now?” Steve teases, voice lilting a little, and she kind of hates the way it makes her heart lurch. He used to tease Holly with that tone.

He used to tease her with that tone. They're not friendly enough for it now, and it just reminds her of how much she's been missing him.

A little ridiculous, really, because he’s been right here the whole time.

“Never.” She scoffs. “I’m just making sure you set a good example.”

And even though she knows it’s different, she misses when things were that easy between them.

“Hey, Steve.” She catches his attention when the kids have moved away. She probably should have asked earlier, while they were still upstairs. It would have spared him some pain, at least. “Did you want to change?”

“Yeah, I probably should.” But he doesn’t stand up right away, and when he does he’s leaning on the table for a long moment before he straightens and takes the set of clothes she’d grabbed for him. 

She doesn’t even have to look at Jonathan for him to follow Steve out, in case he falls or something.

Steve’s not going to be happy that they’re hovering, but he’s scaring her.

Nancy’s also worried that he’s hiding another injury from them—something more immediately dangerous than his ankles.

“Is Steve okay?” Dustin asks, looking ready to go after them. Steve would hate the kids seeing him like that even more than he will Jonathan, though.

“He’ll be okay. He’s just worried about all of you.” She tells him. She doesn’t want to lie to the kids, but Steve might actually kill her if she tells them the whole truth. “He’s figured out how to survive here alone, and even though we want to help him, he has to worry about us now too.”

“We can take care of ourselves!” Mike protests, and she shoots him a look. “El has powers!”

El shakes her head. “I have been using them to find Steve.”

“Well, you still have them!”

“Steve does not want me to use them.” She answers, in that calm, serious way of hers. It would be unnerving if Nancy wasn’t so used to it.

“We can talk about that later. What have you figured out so far?” She tries to redirect. Will’s got a piece of paper in front of him, and he’s been sketching a very rough map of the woods.

She’s not sure where he found it, or if he’d brought it in. She’s not sure it’s worth it to ask right now.

“Steve said he’s been sleeping in trees, right? Maybe he’s noticed more unusual spots.” Lucas nods to the map. “Maybe he can mark them for us.” The kids are off again, going over what Will remembers—which he’s never been the most forthcoming about—and their own theories.

Nancy leaves them to it and goes to raid the kitchen. She’d only taken a glance earlier, but it turns out what Steve said is true.

Everything that’s cold is bad. He’s got some wrapped foods that might be okay, but she’s not sure how much she wants to risk someone getting sick here.

“Nance?” Jonathan’s voice pulls her from her cupboard search.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing happened.” He glances back into the dining room and lowers his voice. “Just wanted to know what you found.”

“Not a lot. These might be okay,” She shakes the still-sealed box of pop tarts, “But pretty much everything else is bad. He’s been living off crackers.”

“Mom is going to freak out.”

“At least it’s a weekend?” It's a ridiculous thing to say—they have no idea when they’ll get out of here.

They don't even know what time it is. It’s so dark here. 

“Yeah, I guess.” They check all the cupboards, but there’s not much else, only a few cans that aren’t covered in Upside Down mold.

It won’t be enough for all of them for long, and she doesn't trust anything left open, so they’re probably going to have to split one can at a time until they’re out.

God, she hopes they’re out of here soon.

<- 2 4 ->

[thefirstcourtesan]

My Favourite “Break Your Heart” Songs

I replied to a post of @jerzwriter ‘s about love songs and admitted that while I know a few, my writing taste leans towards songs about bittersweet or lost love. So I decided to make a list of my favorites. I’m sorry in advance.

1. I Would Have Loved You Anyway by Trisha Yearwood. This has been number one in my writing playlist for almost two decades now much to my husband’s chagrin. I think he could happily never heart it again 😂 but to me there is no better bittersweet song about love gone wrong. “… If I'da known the way that this would end/ If I'da read the last page first/ If I'da had the strength to walk away/ If I'da known how this would hurt/ … I would've loved you anyway”. There is just something so powerful about that. Not every love story lasts forever, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it.

2. Dynasty by Miia. This song is my unofficial theme song for “Portia: A Roman Tragedy”. The idea of we could have had it all but then we didn’t. “Thought we built a dynasty that heaven couldn't shake/ Thought we built a dynasty like nothing ever made/ Thought we built a dynasty forever couldn't break up”. The first time I heard the song (in a fan video), I went “ohh, that’s the tragedyverse”, it just sums it all up for me.

3. What Might Have Been by Little Texas. I have always been haunted by the possibilities of “what might have been” and this song just sums it up in such a beautiful way. “We could sit and talk about this all night long/ And wonder why we didn't last/ Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know/ But we'll have to leave them in the past./ I try not to think about what might have been/ Cause that was then and we have taken diff'rent roads/ we can't go back again there's no use giving in/ And there's no way to know/ What might have been”. You can’t go back, you can’t ever know what could have been.

4. Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac. Of course this song is on the list. The lyrics, the haunted way she sings, the video of her signing it in 1997. This song is heartbreak perfection. “Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me/ I know I could have loved you/ But you would not let me”.

5. Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift. This is just a beautiful song (and a great video). “Nothing lasts forever/ But this is getting good now/ He's so tall and handsome as hell/ He's so bad, but he does it so well/ And when we've had our very last kiss/ My last request is/ Say you'll remember me/ Standing in a nice dress/ Staring at the sunset, babe/ Red lips and rosy cheeks”.

6. Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter. I have loved this song since I was a teenager (and the “when 30 was old” line hits particularly hard at 40) and as I have grown the song’s impact on me has changed and now I really appreciate the bittersweet look back on first love and how that kind of love only comes along once. “There's nothing time hasn't touched/ Is it really him or the loss of my innocence?/ I've been missing so much”

7. Already Gone by Sleeping At Last (it is a Kelly Clarkson song, but the version I love is a cover). “Started with a perfect kiss/ Then we could feel the poison set in/ Perfect couldn't keep this love alive/ You know that I love you so/ Ilove you enough to let you go” but also “Remember all the things we wanted/ Now all our memories, they're haunted/ We were always meant to say goodbye”. This song just hits so hard and sums up the idea that some things are always meant to end (are you sensing a theme 😂?)

8. Didn’t We Almost Have It All by Whitney Houston. Another one that I have played over and over until my husband never wants to hear it again. “Didn't we almost have it all/ When love was all we had worth giving?/ The ride with you was worth the fall my friend/ Loving you makes life worth living”.

9. Don’t Speak by No Doubt. Another one that goes back to teenage Misha. I think this one got me a few break-ups once upon a time. “Don't speak/ I know what you're thinkin'/ I don't need your reasons/ Don't tell me 'cause it hurts”.

10. Beautifully Unfiniished by Ella Henderson. “But maybe all that we are meant to be/ Is beautifully unfinished/ And I hate you, and I love you/ And I wish you'd go away/ And I hate you, and I love you/ And I wish that you would stay”. I love the pain of this song, the love and the hate, the idea that something is ending when you don’t want it to but you know it has too.

Narrowing it down to 10 was hard and there are lots of other regular songs on my writing playlist, but these are my favorites (although honourable mention to “Last Kiss” by Pearl Jam). If you feel like writing some angst, I highly recommend putting on some of these songs. I definitely have a “type” when it comes to my favorite music, there is something about the end of a love story and looking back that really hits hard for me.

[melaninpozp]

CRAZY INDULGENCE(ft.Bucky Barnes.)

(This fic is based off of the movie, Red Eye 2005! it’s so mf good)

Intro: You are the CEO of Waltonington Airport/Hotel. One of the biggest and most popular airports of all time. You were quite known and loved by few passengers who always attended the flights every few months or so. You were quite beautiful a sweetheart. One day, you planned on taking a small vacation back home, since you work and live out of state. You wanted to visit your Step-Mom. You haven’t seen her in a few months and wanted to come and see her. While boarding your plane and waiting in line, you ran into this man named Bucky Barnes. He was quite handsome, but you wouldn’t let it be known or say anything. Little did you know..he had other sadistic plans and murderous intents at hand.

(THIS FIC IS QUITE LONG BTW<3)

(This fic is based off of the movie, Red Eye 2005! it’s so mf good) Cred to the king Wes Craven.

WARNINGS: WARNINGS: SMUT, 18+, swearing( lots of it), degrading, threatening, crime, intimidation, bucky being a charmer one minute and turning into a crazed sadistic assassin, jaw grabbing, eating out, fingering, backshots( doggy position),spiting, rudeness( from Bucky), pre-planned crime, weapon on board(knife), harassment( from a weirdo at the airport), obsessiveness, size kink, lying, mouth covering, crying, spanking, eye contact, and hair pulling.

Enjoy the flight <3

—

It was one of the most cloudiest and rainy days in Miami. Although it was a gorgeous city to say in and visit once in a while, it did have its rainy and thunderstorm days. You decided to go and visit your step mom for a weekend, since you haven't seen in forever. Ever since you landed that new job as a CEO at the famous Waltington Hotel, you decided to visit her and take her out to dinner and spend time with her more, and maybe catch up on anything you might've missed out on. Waltington J. Hotel was one of the most popular and well-known hotels in the whole city. Everyone who worked at the hotel knew you. You were the most favorited CEO out of the other 4 that worked there, you were the one who always fixed and resolved problems when things would go the wrong way. You always want to help people and any one that is need or unsure of something. That's what made you love your job so much.

You were currently in the back of your uber, on a call with your step-mom, discussing to her what your guys plans were and what restaurant you both wanted to visit when you arrived. You decided to wear something simple but casual, something like a fit black skirt and a white lace top, with a white buttoned up blazer and some low heels on. Your hair was done(in any way you'd like, add any makeup if you'd like.) While arriving in front of the Hotel, you pay the driver and smile giving him a 5-star review. As the driver comes on your side of the car to open your door, he gives a wide smile and offers you a hand. You take his hand and step out the car, grabbing your bags while still on the phone with your mom, thanking the uber man before he drives off. You enter the building quickly, checking in and then getting in the TSA line.

After getting your things scanned and ran through, you decided to get a quick drink of water. As you walked over to the drink stand, you dropped your passport without knowing. "Hey, you dropped this!"A deep but sly voice says. You turn around and look at the passport, before looking up into the speakers eyes. It was a tall, but buff man. He had long brown hair that stopped around his shoulders, deep beautiful bright eyes, He had a pearly white smile, and a beard that was coming in on his chin and a mustache that was slightly forming. He was quite handsome, but you didn't want to say anything about it.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you so much."Y/N says, thanking the man." I didn't even know I dropped it."She finishes, looking up at the man.

"No worries, just be more aware."The man says, looking down at you with a small side smile.

You both stare at each other before you speak up again." So, do you want anything to drink?"Y/N offers, trying to defeat the awkward silence that just happened between the two of them.

"Oh. You don't need to do that."The man says, clenching his jaw and smirking."Let me be a gentleman and get it for you."He says, walking up to the stand and buying you both a cold water.

"You don't need to-"Y/N tries before seeing the man pull out a fancy looking debit card and sliding it into the card register, paying for you both."Do that.."She finishes, scoffing at the man.

"I wanted to."He says, grabbing both the cold water bottles and handing you one, smirking widely.

You stare at him again before heading back to your guys line. You took note of how distracted and short he keeps his conversations but that quickly wiped away before he asks you something.

"So, are you traveling for?"The man asks, standing behind you with his one silver suitcase behind him. You turn back around and smile, looking up at him."Just visiting some family."You say kindly, smiling at him.

"Nice!"He says." Like family you haven't seen in a long time? Your siblings?Parents?"He says, trying to get insights. "Just my step-mom."You say, looking at him.

"Aw that's so cute!"He smirks." It's always nice to see your loved ones."The man says, dragging on the convo.

"Yea.."You smile." I didn't get your name by the way."Y/N says, looking at the man, holding eye contact.

"Billy,"He says." Billy Buck."The man says, holding his hand out for you to shake, you gladly accepting and shaking his hand back.

"Yours?"He questions.

"Y/N."You smile and look the man into his deep beautiful eyes, feeling like his name is a little odd, but you brush it off." Y/N L/N"You finish and smirk.

"That's a beautiful name."He says, smirking.

"Oh thank you."You say, laughing softly. While you two are chatting it up before the flight, a elderly woman comes over and just so happens to have the same purse as you.

"Hi, sweetheart"The smaller woman says, tapping you on your shoulder. "I don't mean to interrupt but, You and I have the same exact purse."You smile and look at the woman, nodding your head.

"Yes, but yours is way better than mine. I've had mine for a while."You laugh softly, looking at the woman.

"Aw, honey. Your purse is also nice!I just thought I should let you know."The lady laughs softly before smiling at you.

"Thank you so much."You smile at the woman, watching her walk off. The speaker throughout the whole airport rings, "May I have passengers of plane B26 start boarding. Flight will be taking off very soon."The announcer says.

"Welp, I guess that's us."You say, picking up your bags and beginning to walk forward in the line.

"Indeed it is."The brown haired man says, smirking and following you.

--

While everyone was boarding onto the flight. You were held back by the elderly woman who kept talking to you and discussing book authors and purse designers with you. You were always up for chatting, but you needed to be places to be. Of course you weren't the last one on the plane, but pretty close to it. While moving forward on board of the plane, people were getting situated in their seats, sliding their earbuds in, and sleeping. The usual plane ethics and normal thing to do when boarding.

"I'll get back to you later, hun."The elderly woman ends her conversations, sitting in the way back with her assumed to be husband, who was holding her jacket. You smile at the woman before watching her walk to the back, looking for your seat number and continuously walking down the long aisle.

It feels like a few moments before you find your seat, looking down and seeing the same man you met earlier. What was his name again? Bob? Brady? Billy? Yea, Billy!

"Oh, its you again!"Y/N laughs softly."Billy, right?"She says.

"Ding ding ding."He says with a sly tone, smirking and leaning back in his chair, trying to make room for you to get through.

"Guess we're seat buddies, huh?"Y/N smiles and grabs her small purse, scooting pass the man and sitting down, setting her purse beside her.

"Look like it."He smirks." I wouldn't care anyways, I'd like to sit with you anyways."He laughs softly, slowly looking at you.

"Same here."Y/N laugh softly and leans back in her seat, feeling like he's checking you out.

"You're really pretty."He says out of knowhere. Keeping a straight face and resting his big hands on his thighs.

"Oh.."You say, looking at him, not knowing how to respond."T-thank you."You smile, feeling good about yourself.

"No, like actually."He says, still looking into your eyes as you try to avert eye contact with him. "You need to model or be an actor. You're gorgeous." He finishes, squinting his eyes quickly.

"You really think so?"You smile cheekily and look back at him.

"I wouldn't lie to you, you could make millions..maybe even billions.." He says, facing back forward and seeing the food/drink cart come down the aisle you both are on.

You smile at his small compliments and laugh softly.

"I would like a water and Fruit snacks, please." The handsome brown haired man says, looking up at the blonde woman managing the food/drink cart." Of course." The blonde woman says, grabbing the fruit snacks and water, handing them to the man before looking at you and speaking," Anything for you, hun?" The woman questions, looking at you.

"Water and caramel crisps, please." You say politely.

"Mmh!"The blonde woman smiles, grabbing the water and crisps for you, handing them your way before walking off.

"So polite with your manners." He begins." what a good girl." He says, laughing gently.

"Oh, thanks!"You laugh, smiling at the nickname. You can't lie, you wanted to squeeze your legs together at the way he called you a good girl. "I'm just really polite, is all." You smile.

"That's what makes you a good girl, using your manners and being polite to other people." He says, looking back your way. You thought to yourself, What is this man on?Is he trying to get me riled up or something?

All you can do is nod your head and smile at his words.

"Very true."You smirk and look upon your passport.

The plan had taken off a few minutes earlier before he said any of that. You thought to yourself for a while before a thought erupted into your brain.

"So, what do you do for a living?" You look towards him, noticing that he has his phone pulled out, looking through what it looks like to be a track record of some sort. He quickly put his phone away, looking towards you and putting all his attention on you. He puts his phone into his business coat.

"I hunt people."He says automatically, not even thinking for a second, smiling with his white teeth.

You stare at him for a while and laugh, shaking your head and thinking that he's joking.

His smile started fading after seeing you laugh.

"What's so funny?" He questions, sitting back in his chair and tilting his head.

You slowly stop laughing, noticing he isn't joking, raising an eyebrow and looking at him, still having a small smile on your face. "Y-you-re being serious?" You say.

"Yes." He says flat out.

You gulp and tilt your head." Where's the punchline?" You say, smirking.

"There is not punchline. I'm being serious." He says, now folding his arms. Damn, those are some huge arms he has. You thought to yourself.

"You think you're so clever, huh? Laughing at people's job titles and thinking you're the best person out here, just because you are CEO? "He says, looking at you, scoffing," You need to listen to what I'm going to say to you."He finishes, looking at you with a scary tint in his eyes.

"I don't have to listen to anything you say.." You speak, beginning to get up from your seat, but he tugs you back down by the hem of your skirt.

"Yes you do, if you want to let your pretty little step-mom to not get harmed." He says. That made your stomach drop and your heart race. What did he just say?

You were a little taken aback." Excuse me?" You gasp out, looking him in the eye intently.

"You heard me, Y/N. You think this is a joke?" He questions, raising an eyebrow, his hair slightly covering his right eye. You gulp again and furrow your eyebrows." And you were laughing like something was was a joke, but you don't see me laughing.." He drags out, staring into your eyes deeply. "Do you?" He questions.

"I didn't think you were being serious, I'm sor-"You begin to get out before he pulls something out his jacket. Tears begin forming into your eyes, but you stay strong, He lets down your small table in front of you, setting down what it looks to be, a fancy wallet. You squint your eyes and tilt your head to the side. You've seen this wallet before, it looks oddly familiar. It wasn't yours. It wasn't your sisters. It was..It was your step-mother's wallet! You thought to yourself.

You gasp quietly, looking at the wallet that's now on the small pull out table in front of you.

"Where did you get that?" You question, almost wanting to cry.

"Oh, I didn't get it." He surrenders, smirking. "I had my agent grab it off your step-mom's table."He finishes, checking out your whole body as you sit there contemplating what to do.

"D-don't hurt my step-mom.." You begin to say, getting caught up in your throat , soft tears going down your cheeks.

"Then listen to what I have to say.." He clenches his jaw, looking around the plane and going back to talking to you." If you don't want anything to happen to you, or step-mommy.." He laughs sadistically.

"Then, you abide by what the hell I say, or suffer the consequences." He laughs and leans in your ear. "Remember what I said earlier about being a good girl." He whispers in your ear." Be polite and be nice to other people, hm? " He smirks. "Won't you do that for me?" He finishes.

"Why are you doing this?..I-is it money you want?..Billy please" You speak weakly, not bothering to make eye contact him. Tears still streaming down her face.

"Money?" He laughs out. "Oh no, honey, that's not what I want.."He smirks even more." And billy.."He scoffs." That's not even my fucking name, dumb girl.."He looks at you, slowly resting a large hand on your knee, dragging it up.

You let the soft tears trail down your cheeks. You shouldn't be liking this. This man is a psycho!

"My real name is Bucky Barnes, girl." He whispers in your ear." Billy Buck is a fucked up name, huh darlin'?" The man finishes says." And you fell for that shit.." You face your head away from him. He squints his eyes and grabs you by the jaw , making you look at him,

"You don't look away from me, girl." Bucky says sternly.

You sniffle and slowly look into his deep blue/green eyes. Feeling smothered and taking in the warmness of his body heat while he's very close to you.

"Atta girl."He says.

"Now, are you going to listen?" He says, clenching his jaw, quickly leaning back in his seat, seeing another flight attendant coming your guys way, checking on passengers momentarily.

The flight attendant looks at both, looking to you first and questioning why you're crying,

"Oh hun, what's wrong? "The attendant questions, raising an eyebrow with a worried look on her face, speaking quietly but loud enough for you both to hear.

Bucky chuckles to himself before speaking up for you,

"She's fine. She's just homesick is all." Bucky nods to the attendant, looking up at her.

He's so two-faced.

"Aw. We've all been there before. Feel better hun." The attendant says, handing Bucky a few tissues to hand to you as she walks off, attending to the other passengers.

Bucky looks behind him and makes sure she's gone before speaking to you again.

"Quit.." He leans into your ear, looking at you through your watery eyes. "Your fucking crying.." He finishes, handing you the clean clothed tissues.

"Fuck you!" You say angrily but quietly, slowly looking in his direction.

He raises both his brows, looking at you shocked.

"What was that?" Bucky says, wanting you to repeat yourself.

"You heard me." You say, glaring at him from your peripheral. He didn't like that. He didn't like you back talking him. This man has to be insane.

He scoffs, leaning back in his chair. "You don't wanna play that game wit' me." He smirks." All that smart ass talkin' "He tilts his head to the side, pulling out a lipstick from his jacket you previously dropped earlier. You didn't even notice. You always had another backup if the other got lost.

You open your mouth to say something but he stops you.

"Don't you open that mouth" Bucky says, holding your lipstick in one hand." Heard enough of that sassy ass talkin' from you." He laughs shaking his head.

You still hold a glare to him, looking at his hand and widening your eyes a little.

"Where'd you get my lipstick.." You say, reaching for it.

"Ah ta ta" He ticks, pulling his hand with the lipstick away from you, frowning a little bit. "Not so fast." Bucky glares.

"I got this while you dropped your passport earlier, guess you forgot that you heard another thing drop too, huh? He says, opening up the lipstick and examining it. "Dior rouge proof lipstick, 956"He reads the label, smirking again.

You frown and look at him, then the lipstick in his big, rough looking hands. What is this crazy man playing at? Does he think this is a joke?

"It looks really beautiful on you."He squints, looking at your lips then into your eyes with a smug look on his face." You look very kissable." Bucky chuckles out.

"What are you playing at? You don't know me-"You begin to say, feeling confident for a minute, but then Bucky brings you back down to reality.

"Oh?"He says." I don't know you?" He smirks, clutching the lipstick in his hand before speaking and clearing his throat, keeping his eyes on you." You're Y/N L/N, you lived in the city of Miami for a long while. You have 3 siblings, Your mom and dad got a divorce because your dad cheated and had an affair twice, You were a beauty for almost your whole life, You're 22, You work as a CEO at a Hotel, you like fashion, you are family and friend oriented" He speaks, leaning in a little." And you last night, after packing your bags, you were just rubbing that swollen little clit of yours, weren't you?" He scoffs, making you gasp even louder, him quickly uttering you to quiet down with his index finger over his lips.

What did he just say? How does he know everything about me and where I've grown up? And how'd he known about me..touching myself?

"Excuse me?!"You say and look at him quickly, widening your eyes and shaking your head and disbelief, having a questioned look on your face.

"Don't act like you didn't hear me." Bucky smirks," I saw you outside from your window, I was standing across the street, I saw you rubbing that little clit of yours and covering your mouth with your left hand, trying to keep those pathetic whimpers down so the neighbors couldn't hear you.." He speaks, chuckling.

"You're sick!" You say, shaking your head again, laughing at how unbelieve he's being.

"Oh, I'm sick?" He questions while raising an eyebrow, folding his arms over his buff chest." I know you better than you know yourself, y/n." He ends, biting his lip.

"You can do anything you want..to me or whatever!" You say, looking at him." Please just don't harm my step-mom.. or family." You nervously get out.

"Anything, huh?" He smirks.

"Yes!" You say, looking away out the window and into the beautiful sky, the rain had stopped a while ago. You didn't even notice.

"Hm." Bucky agrees, smirking to himself.

"I have to use the bathroom.."You speak up.

He looks at you and leans down, pulling out a random empty water bottle, handing it to you." Here." He looks back forward.

"You've got to be joking." You say, looking at the water battle and scoffing.

"I'm not letting you out my sight. God knows what you're gonna do when I'm not watching you." He says, shrugging his shoulders.

"Please..Let me use the bathroom!" You say demandingly, sighing.

Bucky squints his eyes, sighing and leaning back." Fine, go." He says." Don't make me come after you." He glares at you, letting you by and watching you walk off to the bathroom.

You arrive at the bathroom, knocking and hearing no one answer. You open the bathroom door and enter, closing it behind you and looking at yourself in the mirror, thinking of ways to go against this Bucky Barnes man. He was bigger than you, he was taller than you, and he certainly outsmarted you a little bit. You didn't actually have to use the bathroom, but you began contemplating ideas.

After a few minutes of brainstorming, You came up with an idea, You decided to fill up your hand with soap and water, writing on the bathroom mirror, "Seat 18G is a Hitman, Help." You finish writing the soapy words on the mirror, washing your hands off and wiping them. By then, you felt like it was time to go back to your seat.

You opened the shiftable bathroom door and began to walk out before seeing Bucky standing outside the door, smirking,

"I was wondering what took you so l-"He begins, seeing the big words on the mirror. He widens his eyes and grabs you jacket and covers your mouth with his other hand and shoves you against the counter, making sure the bathroom is closed behind him and speaking freely,

"What the hell do you think you are doing?!"He says, being dangerously close to you, still handing his hand over your mouth." You fuckin' whore!" He growls, looking you in the eyes.

"L-let me go!" You mummer under his hand, trying to get out of his grip.

"This was your big deal, hm? Trying to get me fucking arrested and in trouble? You sneaky, little bitch." He speaks harshly in your face, letting his hand fall from your mouth and letting go of your jacket.

"You should've known that I wasn't going to let you harass and hold me hostage, you bastard!" You say angrily at him, looking up at him.

"Yea?" He questions, invading your personal space and looking down at you, you obviously looking away.

While being close to you, he pulls out a knife and it makes you gasp, looking at the weapon.

"P-please.." You keep your eyes on the knife, tears forming into your eyes while still being pushed up against the sink.

He brings his knife up to your blazer, sliding it down a little bit and it reveals a small scar on your chest." Someone do that to you?" He questions, looking at the scar then to you.

You look up at him and shake your head." N-no.." You say, lying to his face. He clenches his jaw and lets out a sigh," You wanna know what I think?" He says, grabbing you by the neck and now has you against the wall, his mouth being directly close to your ear." Why you always fuckin' lyin' to me, huh girl?" He says, looking at you. His hand still wrapped around your neck.

"I-i'm sorry.." You gasp out, almost loosing your breath and holding on his strong arm, trying to pry his hand off of you.

"Don't you fuckin' play that shit with me, darlin'. You think I'm a fucking joke, hm?" He chokes you a little harder, making you let out a small moan, cursing to yourself in your mind.

Damnit, y.n.

He raises an eyebrow and laughs to himself. "Was that a moan, I heard?" He clicks his teeth. "Gosh, you really are a slut, huh?" He says.

"Fuck you. You don't k-now what you heard." You say, looking at him.

"Yea?" He questions, letting go of your neck and letting you breathe, coughing and feeling your now sore neck." I don't know what I heard hm?" He says, steeping back a little and staring at you.

He was checking you out.

He was taking in how tiny you were compared to him.

And he was..

He was chuckling.

You were staring to give in to how he looked. He was quite sexy. He was obviously a bad man. A fine and very attractive man at that. You were willing to do anything for your family to live. Even if it was to fuck him. Even more..

"You want this?" He asks, clenching his jaw and squinting his eyes at you. "You want me to destroy that little pussy of yours?" He says.

You clear your throat and slowly nod your head,

"Use your words, whore." He spits at you.

"Y-yes.." You say, looking up at him." I-ill do anything for you." You finally give in.

"Good.."He smirks and looks at your casual outfit.

"Strip."He says blandly.

You stare at him for a few seconds, beginning to strip off your jacket and unbuttoning it, throwing it onto the sink.

He liked that.

"Atta girl-"He smirks" Keep going f'me" He stares at you with eager intent.

You smirk and turn around, making sure your ass in on full display, slowly sliding your skirt off and revealing your white lace panties on.

You looked so good.

You kick your skirt to the side and slowly slide your lace top off, throwing it over to where your skirt is. You were in your panties and no bra.

You turn back around and faced Bucky, making him smirk,

"Jeez, you look so good, sweets." He scoffs and walks over to you, picking you up with both his hands and setting you on the sink, purposely opening your legs and leaning down towards your ear." You're so pretty, y'know that?" He speaks, running one of his big hands down your body and towards you wetness.

"Mhm, you told me." You giggle, moaning as his hand reaches your panties, rubbing over your clit and smirking down at you.

Bucky bites his lip and leans in kissing you, his other hand opening your legs wider, still rubbing your clit with his other hand and making you tremble under his touch," Mhm, that feel good, bunny?" He speaks in between kisses.

"Yes, sir." You moan softer, going back to kissing him and grinding up against his fingers.

He pulls away and looks at you unfolding under his fingers that prob against your clit. He leans down and kiss down your neck, sliding your panties to the side , using his index and middle finger to completely rub against your clit, making you gasp out loud.

"Shh, keep it down, pretty girl." He smirks and rubs your clit slower, his soft lips against your neck, making you wetter by the minute. "I know it feels good.."He rubs faster." feel good f' me.." He says.

"Oh my goodness, baby.." You moan out, tossing your head back. His warm lips still on your neck.

"Good girl.." Bucky says, pulling his fingers away and standing up straight, sliding his shirt off and unbuckling his dark belt.

You sit up and smirk,

"I'll do it for you, sir." You wink and immediately drop to your knees, unbuckling his belt and sliding his slacks down. Seeing how big and hard he is.

"Eager little thing, hm?" Bucky says, looking down at you, moving some of your hair out the way.

"Mhm" You giggle, pulling his boxers down and his cock pops out, making you gasp at how big he is.

"Oh my goodness!" You say surprised, taking his big cock into your hand and slowly pull on his cock, jerking him off. That makes his groan.

"That's a good girl" Bucky groans out, watching you play and gush over his big cock.

You lean forward and begin sucking on his swollen tip, closing your eyes. Your other hand begins playing with his balls, the other hand jerking off what you can't fit.

"So good, pretty.." Bucky groans out.

You begin to take his cock a little deeper, faint choke noises coming from all the wetness and his cock prying to go down your throat. Opening your eyes, you look up at him and begin sucking his cock more.

" Suckin' that cock so good f'me." He groans out, tossing his head back again and grabbing onto your hair, beginning to thrust in and out." Atta, princess." He speaks, thrusting his cock deeper down your throat and loving how beautiful you look for him.

You pull off of his cock, letting a stream of saliva drip from your mouth and the tip of his cock, Bucky watching you intently.

"Little fuckin' ,whore.." He looks down at you, grabbing you by the arm and bending you over the sink, slapping your ass once , making you yelp at the sting.

"You sure know how to suck cock, huh?"He smirks and gets on his knees behind you, grabbing both your ass cheeks and spreading them open, leading forward and licking up against your clit. Making you go crazy.

"Yes, sir" You moan softly, feeling his tongue against your clit, making you push up at his tongue.

He spanks you harder and begins sucking your clit, shaking his head side to side.

Fuuuck.

"Mhm." He groans against you, pulling away and wrapping his big arms up under your legs and keeping your cheeks spreaded, spitting on your pussy and going back to lapping your clit.

"So fuckin' good!" You gasp out, reaching up and playing with your nipples.

He stands up and slowly runs his tip up against your pussy lips, watching your wetness land on his tip, making him groan.

"Ready for my cock, little slut?" Bucky says, still sliding his cock up and down your wetness.

"Yes, daddy, I'm ready." You moan out, still playing with you nipples, stopping when you feel his big cock stretching you out from behind, his big hands resting on your hips.

"Mhm, take that cock for me. I know you can.." He says, sliding more into you, watching your body reaction, making sure you're okay." Doing so good, darlin' "He smirks.

"You're so big inside of me, daddy.." You moan out, looking up into the mirror and dropping your mouth in an 'O' shape.

"That's right, doll.. Look at how slutty you look in that mirror.." He bites his lip and begins moving in and out of you." Takin' such a big cock.." Bucky slaps your ass.

"Mmmh" You whine out, feeling him hitting your spot over and over, driving you wild.

He begins to go faster, pounding into your little pussy and watching you fall apart on his cock.

You keep your mouth open, mumbling small nothings about how good he feels. He made you so dumb on his cock.

"You look so gorgeous, doll.." He spanks you again, reaching down and using his other hand to rub your clit, kissing your neck while pounding into you faster.

"I-i'm gonna cum, daddy!" You moan out, making him cover your mouth.

"Quiet down, cutie" He says, feeling you tighten against his cock.

"Aww baby, you close? "Bucky smirks and kissing your cheek, "Cum all over this dick, baby, it's all yours.." He whispers in your ear, rubbing your clit faster.

"Yeeesss.."You drag out, feeling like you're going to cum. You finally let loose and cum all over his cock, making you gasp.

"Atta girl.." Bucky groans out, slowly sliding out of you, cum dripping out of your pussy, making him smirk. He reaches his index and middle finger down, wiping up the cum that's left on your pussy. He bites his lip and turns you around, sliding his fingers into your mouth.

"Just like that, suck those fingers, doll.." Bucky says, looking into your eyes as he watches you take his long fingers.

"Mhm!" You gasp at how thick and warm the cum feels against your tongue, swallowing it and smirking when he pulls his fingers out your mouth.

He helps you put your clothes back on, making sure you look fine.

"That was so good, wasn't it, hun?" He questions you, looking down at you, sliding his jacket back on. Also being dressed and looking normal as before.

"That was great!" You say, fixing your lipstick and brushing off your jacket, incase any dust got on it.

"Good." Bucky says, grabbing a few bathroom tissues and wetting it with some water, wiping off the words on the mirror you wrote from earlier." Don't think I forgot what you wrote, y/n" He says, wiping off the letters until they're gone.

"I'll keep quiet.." You sigh, clenching you jaw.

"Good girl." Bucky says.

--

I HOPE YOU BEAUTIES LOVED IT<3

[buckevantommy]

Hey! It's the first time Buck Begins anon from before!! First of all do not feel bad for rambling - that is exactly what that ask was for! I loved hearing your thoughts!

And to answer your question about how I started watching -- 911 was a show always a show on my 'to watch' radar but I didn't give it much thought? I did watch s1 of lone star tho. until then I saw bi Buck on my dash for the first time after Tommy kisses him and i just went oh??!??! 👀👀 I binge watched season 1 and 2, and then I gave up and ended up watching s7 part 2 live while also watching s3 for the first time 🤣 there were some gaps I had to fill using fanon knowledge but I think it worked? And now I'm furiously trying to watch s4 around my busy work schedule before s8 airs 😅🤣

Hasn't stopped my from reading bucktommy fic or posting gifsets tho. Tommy has bewitched me, I love him. Every time I watch a scene where Buck talks about his love life a part of me is just- don't worry, your man is coming

oh! same here! i'd known about it for years but i'd just avoided it thinking it was just a different take on the same old tired procedural cop shows, or maybe something too dramatised like grey's anatomy. i'm not sure i even realised it was about firefighters until i heard people referring to it as 'the gay firefighter show' and even then i didn't really connect the dots.. 🔥👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🚒

one of my fave spn blogs (bc i was a destiel girlie before the gay firefighter show consumed my life) was a 911 fan so i learned about bi!buck through her blogging (shoutout to @sunglassesmish: kay, you have changed my life for the better 😚🫶). i mean, i came from spn - where bi!dean is widely considered unacknowledged canon and it's a show now several years past its finale but with a dedicated fanbase still hoping for some kind of reboot or movie or something to fix the shit they did in the finale - to a show with a canon bi character, moreover a character in his 30s who had been presumed (by some)/written as (sorta) straight for 6 whole seasons. and evan buckley.. he's so much like dean wincester: the all american heroic ladies man with a traumatic upbringing and a megawatt smile and babygirl features and a heart of gold who just wants to be loved.. honestly i could write essays about these two.. ✍️

i love that we're on the same page! i started with season 7 (i watched 7x05 and onwards live) and got through seasons 1-3 while s7 was airing week to week, and so my buck knowledge was growing as i excitedly waited for the next ep to air with the rest of fandom (there's just something about that weeklong anticipation, i've missed it so much - the theorising, the time for fanworks, etc). 📺

i was also the same, trying to learn what i could through dash osmosis of the seasons i hadn't watched yet (i knew vaguely about the lightning strike and tried not to spoil myself too much about the family secret but reading fic and meta blew those doors wide open 😅). and even in season 1 i was like: i'm so glad he'll grow to be that person in season 7 one day, that he'll get to be vulnerable and open and earnest and loved and also get kissed by a handsome guy. 🥰

OMG WE ARE BOTH ON SEASON 4!! 🥳 i mean, i knew that, but it's still so exciting to know there are folks out there in the same boat! ⛵ i don't think i've liveblogged any other ep besides Buck Begins, but i think i'll probably do a lightning strike/coma liveblog when i get to it.

omg the amount of bucktommy fics i've consumed since april.. i remember in those early days i was consuming every single fic that got posted on ao3 - about a dozen 1k fics a day - until eventually there was 60+ fics a day and i couldn't keep up, but i'm still reading about 2-5 fics (mostly short ones) a day. this fandom is hella talented. 📚

our love for tommy kinard knows no bounds. 🤝💖🤝 and YES- omg- the way he is just craving love and a partner on the same page as him, someone he can be himself with.. lightning boy will meet him flying into a hurricane and i just think that's neat. ⛈️😘

[olicitymckono]

This will be the last part of my nameless story. Any suggestions on a name would help so much. I hope you enjoy the story and I have a few other ideas for both Charles and Max stories. Please let me know if I should post more, your feedback would be amazing.

Thanks so much for the likes and follows 😊

Part 3

4 YEARS LATER:

Half an hour, that’s how long it was before they landed in Monaco. Y/n had mixed feelings of excitement and nausea as she was finally returning home for good. It had been 4 long exciting years and it wasn’t like she hadn't been home for short holidays, but this was it. She had received an offer just a few weeks ago from Red bull to come and work as their media liaison/photographer and she had jumped at the chance. She knew she was going to run into Charles at some point but after everything she was not going to let it stop her. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since that night 4 years ago, not for her lack of effort. On the day she left home, he didn’t show up or even call her to say goodbye. For over a year she had tried calling and messaging him every day, particularly on race days to wish him good luck and she had made sure to be there every year for the races at both Monaco and Silverstone. But he never replied to any message, he would read them but that was it. She hadn't even been able to see him when they were at the same racetrack. And he had to have known she was there because she had met up with some of her old friends like Max and Pierre. But after a while she stopped trying.

“Babe?”

She turned to her boyfriend of 3 years and saw the concern on his face. “Yeah?”

He took her hand, “You, ok?”

After moving to London y/n had become close friends with an elderly lady Alison who happened to walk her dog on the same route as Y/n went running, something she had started doing as a way to release stress. After 6 months, when Alison failed to show up one day for neither their morning or evening run, Y/n had gotten worried and went over to Alison’s house. Her concern had increased when she heard Ruby the chocolate lab barking but no one answered the door. After requesting a wellness check on her friend, she had met Eddie one of the policemen who showed up. Turns out Alison had rushed off to some family emergency and she was totally okay, but it struck up a friendship between her and the young brunette Brit. Three months later they became more than friends and she was happy.

“I’m good. Excited actually, I missed Monaco.”

He grinned, “I’m really excited myself.”

She smiled, “I can't wait to show you all my favourite places.”

He leaned over and kissed her just as the sign came on to fasten their seatbelts. This was it.... she was home.

 

The first few days had been extremely time consuming as they settled into their apartment and y/n running around to meetings with the people at Red bull. But today they could both finally just enjoy being together before heading over to her mother’s house for dinner. “What time did your mom say?”

“7pm.” she responded from the kitchen where she was currently finishing off the dessert.

He came in and stood next to her before trying to take a swipe at the cheesecake. She gently smacks his hand, “Aww.”

“Poor baby,” she pulled a tongue.

He chuckled. “Well babe, we need to go if we want to get there by 7.”

“Ok.”

 

“Mamma,” she threw her arms around her mother and hugged her tightly.

“Ma fille Cherie!”

Y/n looked at her mother, “You look fantastic.”

“You are too sweet my fille. Hi Eddie.” she hugged the young man who had taken care of her daughter.” He kissed her cheeks in greeting. “Claire and the boys are outside.”

He winked at Y/n before heading out to the back. Y/n was slightly confused though which Sylvie quickly picked up on. “You’ll see.”

“Mamma?” she asked.

“Come on.”

She led her daughter outside onto the patio where Lorenzo, Arthur, Claire and Pascale where sitting. Seeing her friends made her grin brightly. Arthur was the first to his feet and dragged her into a rib crushing hug. “I am so glad you’re home.”

“Can’t breathe,” she gasped.

“Sorry.” he smiled sheepishly while letting her go so that his brother and mother could have their chance.

“Mamma didn’t tell me you were all going to be here.”

“Well, mamma thought she would surprise you,” Claire said from her seat. Y/n wasn’t surprised that she didn’t hug her. But what did was the way her sister was looking at her boyfriend. Eddie thankfully was oblivious to it as he just stared at Y/n.

“It's the best.” Y/n hugged her mother again.

The doorbell rang, “Our last guest is here.” Sylvie clapped her hands together and left to answer it.

Y/n looked at Arthur, but he simply shrugged his shoulders in response. “Let’s get you a drink.”

A few minutes later Sylvie walked back out and was accompanied by none other than Charles. When Y/n saw him, she felt her mouth go dry and her heart jump.

He scanned the room before locking eyes with her. She had gotten more beautiful since he last saw her.

“Charles!” Claire broke the spell between the two and hugged him causing Y/n to walk away towards Eddie who wrapped an arm around her waist.

Charles noticed and felt jealous, but he wasn’t going to cause trouble. He needed to make amends with her.

A couple hours later Y/n was standing alone outside as everyone else was enjoying a nightcap. She felt his presence before he even said a word. He stood next to her with his back towards the balcony. “Hi.” he whispered gently.

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry.”

She looked up at him and she could see the sincerity in his eyes and nodded before looking back at the view.

“Can I have a hug?” he asked.

She took a second before stepping back and moving closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. Putting his face in the crook her neck she shivered as he spoke. “God, I missed you.”

She forced herself to move away. When he looked at her, he could see anger in her eyes. “You missed me?” she asked voice low.

“Yes.”

“So why didn’t you call? Message me back? Speak to me or see me when we were in the same country?”

“Y/n,”

She put up a hand to stop him. “Charles I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner about leaving. But I tried to make amends and you ignored me.”

“I was in a bad space Y/n.’ he sighed. “I fucked up, I know but I need you to know how sorry I am.”

“I know you are. But that doesn’t mean you get a free pass.”

“I’m not asking for one. What I'm asking for is a chance to make it right. Please?”

The broken sound of his voice when he said please almost cause the entire wall she had built up to crumble. She looked back at him and nodded.

 

It was almost like no time had passed between the friends and soon they were almost back to normal. Almost. Charles knew it was going to take time for her to fully forgive him and he was determined to fix it. Hell, he would even deal with Eddie if it made her happy. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the guy, but she was HIS girl. The longer the races went on the more time he got to spend with her, and it made his heart leap. Everyone noticed how when she was around, he laughed and smiled more. Carlos and Max loved taking the micky out of him even going so far that he had to remind them that she had a boyfriend.

A fact she had to remind herself of lately it seemed. The more time she spent with Charles brought up old feelings, feelings she didn’t believe actually went away. She tried to tell herself that she was just happy that she had her friend back but every time he touched her, she felt herself get weak. Not to mention the feelings she got between her legs. She forced herself to focus on her relationship with Eddie, but he seemed to change. He would get extremely jealous and possessive whenever Charles was around or even when his name was mentioned. He would start an argument every chance he got. And today was no different. It was Saturday and she had to be at the Qualifying for the Baku race, and he didn’t want her to. “I get that you have to be at every race but why do you have to be there for the whole weekend?”

“We talked about this, it's my job.”

“Sure.”

She was frustrated and annoyed with him. “You knew this was how it was going to be Eddie when you decided to quit the force and come with me.”

“What I didn’t sign up for was all the time you would be spending with him.” She knew who the “him” was but choose to ignore it. “He’s not even on the team you work for.”

“Yes, but he is friends with Max and Checo.” She snapped. “He is going to be there.”

“Bet you love that.”

“Enough Eddie. I’m not going to justify having to do my job.” He chuckled sarcastically. “I’m not having this fight with you AGAIN. I have to go.” She grabbed her camera bag and keys. He grabbed her arm as she passed and held on tighter than necessary. “Just make sure your “job” doesn’t involve his bed.”

Y/n yanked her arm back and slapped him. “I am not you!”

He stepped back and placed a hand on his face where she had made contact. He had the decency to look ashamed. “Y/n, baby...”

She shook her head and left.

 

Charles had a spring in his step. He had just nailed qualifying scoring Pole Position and he had a good feeling about tomorrow. He was just exiting the Ferrari garage and was on his way to his car when he spotted Y/n in the Red bull garage. She was sitting against some locker's legs crossed with her laptop on her lap She had her earphones in and seemed to be absorb in what she was doing. “Hey stranger.”

She looked up from her screen and smiled weakly at him. “Hi.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked coming to sit beside her.

She took the earphones out and closed her laptop. “Nothing, I’m ok.”

“Wanna try that again?” he nudged her with a shoulder.

“Nothing I feel like talking about.”

He knew something was wrong and he hates the defeated look she had. He stood up and put out his hand. She gave him a look which caused him to chuckle. “Come on, I don’t bite. Not unless u want me too.” He wiggled his eyebrows and gave her a wink.

She shook her head with a smile, it wasn’t a full one, but it was his way on to get her to open up.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“I should,” she replied realising she had eaten breakfast that morning.

He took her, “So let’s go. I’m buying.”

 

He took her to one of the little cafes situated on the marine. He knew she would like it here as it had a magnificent view of the sunset. After ordering their food and drinks Charles sat back and just took in the view in front of him. He had always found her beautiful and had often thought about telling her. When she looked at him, he couldn’t hide his smile. “What?” she asked brushing a stray hair out her face.

“Just admiring the view.” He remarked making sure she knew it was her he was talking about.

She blushed.

“Mon Cheri, talk to me.”

She sighed. “Eddie and I had a fight.”

Oh. “About what?”

“Nothing, everything. I just feel like he resents me.”

“For what?”

“Leaving London and the force.” A waiter appeared with their drinks, and both thanked him before Charles asked her to continue. “When I got the offer from Christian to come work for Red bull, I told Eddie that it was going to chaotic at times. Travelling all the time and most weekends I would be working. He was okay with it. I gave him an out, but he wanted to be with me he said.”

“And now?” She started to bite her lip, something she started doing when she got frustrated or nervous. “Y/n,” he gentles said touching her hand.

“He hates that I’m spending some much time at the track and that it involves spending time with you guys.”

“Oh, he’s jealous.”

She rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t have anything to be jealous of. I mean sure if Max where to sweep me off my feet, then maybe,” she shrugged jokingly.

“And me?” he asked.

She gulped pulling her hand away from him. “You did great today.” She changed the subject.

They talked about the upcoming race well enjoying their food. But as they were making their way done the marine back to his car. He revisited the topic. “You never answered me.”

“About?”

He gave her a pointed look. “You know.”

“It's late, I have to go.”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him till they were face to face. She gulped at the closeness as well as the fact that he was holding her close, so close that she could feel his breath against her skin. “Charles,” she whispered.

He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. It was the lightest of touches, but it set her body alit. She should not be enjoying it this much. She had a boyfriend for goodness' sake. As he deepened the kiss, she felt herself responding. She felt his hand touch her bare skin as her shirt rode up and she gasped at the contact allowing him to slip his tongue inside. Her phone began to ring forcing them to pull about. He looked at her flushed cheeks and ran his thumb across her swollen lips as she tried to get her phone out of her bag. She looked down at the caller ID, Eddie. She stepped back from him forcing him to release his hold on her and she answered.

“Hi.”

“Where are u?” he heard Eddie ask.

“Work took a little longer. But I should be home soon.”

“You want me to come pick u up?”

“I have an Uber.”

“Baby I’m sorry.” He spoke.

Y/n looked back at Charles noticing he hadn’t stopped looking at her. “It's fine. Can talk about it later. I have to go, Uber is here.”

“Ok I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“Me too,” she replied before ending the call.

Charles stepped closer to her, but she mirrored his steps backwards. Shaking her head, “I have to go.”

“Y/n,” he started but she shook her head and left

 

The next morning, she woke up to the small of cooking and tiredly climbed out of bed. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before as her mind was swimming with the thought if the kiss. It had been so much better than she had dreamt about and even though she so desperately wanted to relive it she knew she couldn’t. The man she loved was just a room away and she need to get things with Eddie back on track. She made her way to the kitchen to find said man standing at the stove. She walked up behind him and wrapped her hands around his waist. He placed the spatula he was holding down and turned around keeping her hands firmly around his waist. He gave her a long kiss, which unwillingly she knew tasted different to Charles’.

“Morning.”

“Hi. What are you making?” she asked.

“Pancakes.” he smiled.

“I love pancakes.”

“I know. Babe I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have said those things.”

“I’m sorry I brought up Ashley.”

 

He sighed, “I deserved it. But I want to make it all up to you.” He released her and handed her the spatula. “Can you finish up the last bit? I need to get something from the room.” She nodded.

She had just finished the last of the batter and turned off the gas when he entered the room.

“Y/n?”

She turned around and her stomach dropped. Eddie had gotten down on one knee and had a diamond ring in his hand. “Y/n Russo I have loved you since the first moment I saw you and I know that lately things haven't been so great, but I know that I want to spend my life with you. Will you marry me?”

 

Later that day

“You cannot marry him. Not until you talk to Charles.” Y/n was standing in the Red bull Garage away from prying ears talking to Max. She had tried to get through to Arthur, but he was currently on a plane to Barcelona. Max was the next best person to talk to give the fact she most definitely was avoiding Charles. He had seen her and tried to talk to her, but she was able to avoid him.

“What is that going to help?”

“Y/n you and I both know that you are in love with him. Have been since we were kids. Not to mention that he is in love with you too.”

She furiously shook her head. “No, he is not. He just doesn't want me to be with someone and that’s the only reason he kissed me.”

“Sure. Listen Y/n I have to get ready for the race but trust me. Talk to him before you sign your life away to Eddie. I know you and Charles belong together.” he gently kissed her cheek as she wished him good luck and went over to his race partner. 

She took a deep breath before deciding what the hell and made her way over to the Ferrari garage. She asked one of the mechanics were to find him before heading towards the driver's room. She stopped as she reaches the slightly open door and felt her heart break. Charles was there with Charlotte and the girl had her arms wrapped around his waist. Y/n turned away just as Charlotte lend up for a kiss.

The race flew by with Max winning the Grand Prix by just seconds as Charles finished 2nd follow up by Lando in 3rd.  She made sure to do her job and expertly avoided both Charles and Max who tried to make eye contact with her. Charles sent her a smile, but she continued to focus on her task at hand. Max was however able to catch up with her at the paddock. “Something happened.”

“Yes, I took your advice.” she snapped.

He raised his eyebrows at her tone. “Excuse me?”

 

 

“Sorry. I went to talk to him.”

“And?”

“And nothing. He was making out with Charlotte so there wasn’t any need to talk to him.”

Max swore in Dutch under his breath. “There must be some sort of explanation.”

“Yep, as I said he doesn't have feelings for. He clearly still loves her, and the kiss last night was just him wanting something someone else has.”

“We’ll talk to him at the party.”

“I'm not going.” she replied.

“You have to be there. Kelly is coming and she is desperate to see you.

“I’ll call her and make lunch plans.”

“Schat, don’t let him pull you away from us.” he was practically begging. “You have to come help me celebrate.”

She scratched her forehead, “Celebrating your wins is every week celebration you know.”

He pouted, “But you’re my good luck charm.”

“Fine.”

He picked her up and span her around. “Thank you Schat.”

 

She managed to enjoy the party for a few hours before she saw him. He looked so handsome and when he locked eyes with her, she wanted to melt. She could see he was trying to make his way towards her, but several fan girls kept stopping him to take photos or get his autograph. She looked around her and got up grabbing Lando’s hand. “Dance with me,” she said.

“Absolutely,” he grinned getting up.

As the two hit the floor the Monégasque finally reached the table. “Where is she?” he asked.

Max answered with a nod towards the dance floor but stopped his friend before he could make a beeline towards to two dancers. “What is it you want from her?”

Charles looked back at him. “Just her.” he quickly walked over to the floor and interrupted their dance. “Lando, do you mind?” he asked trying to keep his annoyance at bay.

Y/n tried to beg Lando to stay with her eyes, but the young Brit knew better than to stand in his friend's way and he also knew Charles was in love with her. “No problem. She’s all yours.”

Y/n glared at him as he left her with Charles who took her hands in his pulling her closer. “Youve been avoiding me Mon Cheri.”

“Been busy.”

“Look me in the eyes and say that.” She couldn’t. “Do you regret it?”

“No.”

“So why are you trying to run away from me?”

“He asked me to marry him.”

He nodded. “Let's go somewhere less noisy.” He led her to a staircase that ended on the roof top. He could see her shivering and he wasn't sure if it was from cold or been alone with him. He took off his jacket and put it around her.  “Did you say yes”

She sat down in one of the deck chairs before shaking her head, “But I didn't say no either.”

He sat down next to her knees touching and she stared down at the spot. “Why?”

“Because I’m in love with you.” she gulped feeling tears in her eyes.

He put a hand on her knee and the contact on her bare skin made her tingle and feel calm at once.

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked.

She looked up, “I have tried so hard for so long to get over this, to get over my feelings for you.”

He lifted his other hand and brushed the tears off her face. “Why don’t you want to love me?”

“You were always with someone else. You would never see me as anything other than a friend,”

“That’s not true. It's always been you Mon Cheri.”

She shook her head. “I heard you.” he cocked his head questioningly. “Just before my 16th birthday. I heard you and Claire talking.”

He shook his head. “Youre gonna have to be more specific.”

“You mentioned my annoying little crush on you before you made out with my sister.”

“Oh!” he laughed slightly. “Okay first off I didn’t make out with Claire, she kissed me, quite aggressively I might add and two...” he ran a finger down her chin, “Did you hear a name of the girl we were talking about?” she shook her head. He nodded, “You remember Abigail Martin?”

“Sure, I guess. She was Claire’s friend.”

“Psycho is what she was. She used to stalk me. Actually, dodged a bullet there when she turned her attentions to Dean Thomas.”

“What?”

“Cheri, I have always thought of you being more than just my friend. You’ve always been my girl it just took me losing you to release that I am in love with you. And I let my damn ego get in the way. Not to mention the fact that I wanted the best for you.”

“How was any if this the best for me?”

“Like you said this life can be chaotic. I wanted you to fulfil your dreams. To have a life.”

“And what if I wanted you?”

“I didn’t make all the right the choices. But I want to make the right choice. Don’t marry him. Be with me.” he asked supping her face between his hands.

“What about Charlotte?”

“What about her?” he asked.

“I saw you before the race. You kissed her.”

He shook his head, “Cheri no. She was at the race and yes, she wanted to get back together and tried to kiss me, but I don’t want to be with her. I want only you.”

“This isn't really.”

He kissed her before placing his forehead against hers. “Did that feel real?”

She closed her eyes, “Yes.”

“Do you remember what presents you got when you turned 21?”

“Why?”

“Humour me.”

“21 Orchids.”

“Red to be exact.” he smiled as she moved away slightly and stared at him.

“How? Was that from you?” she asked in surprise. He nodded. “But Orchids are...”

“Your favourite.”

“Yes.”

He smiled. “Your favourite movie is the Mummy, you like chocolate but only white. You prefer cheesecake over any other dessert. You like to travel but would choose to visit places that have historical meaning then go to the usual tourist attractions.”

“What?” she began but he placed a finger against her lips.

“When you don’t feel well you get quiet. A week before your period you start feeling nauseous and don’t want to eat only drink lots of orange juice. When it comes you like to snuggle up and watch comedies while eating strawberries and dragon fruit. But no Mangos as your......”

“Allergic.”

“And you love reading. Mostly thrillers but on the odd occasion a sappy romance novel. Which you always seem to find unrealistic. When your happy your eyes light up the brightest shade of green but when your sad the go dark green. And you have the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen, something I want to make sure you do every day.”

She didn’t say a word, only kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. Only when air become a necessity did they pull apart. “How do you know all of that? Not even Arthur knows all of it. Especially the flowers. Everyone thinks I love sunflowers.”

“I paid attention, especially when it was about you. You always drew sunflowers, but I remember once when you were about 8/9 my dad took us to the nursery to get something for Mother's Day and I saw how you were in awe of the Orchids.”

“I love how beautiful and unique they are.”

“Just like you. One of a kind. I love you, always have.”

She put her head on his shoulder as he held her close. “What now?”

“Tell him no, then come home to me.”

“I like the sound of that.” she said kissing him again,

“Oh, one other thing.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“At the next race youre wearing red, I want everyone to know your all mine.”

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Hey its me again lol and I just come up with more stuff in my mind about your fic when you read my feedback which Im glad that you appreciated it!

1. I was so glad that you made Y/N to actually interact with almost everyone outside from the main characters (Arthur, Abigail, Dutch, Hosea, and John) and give them depth to each other! Srs whenever I read a fic on character x reader, especially rdr2 fics they always ignore the side characters that is also important which you don't have to make every side character important or have a conversation with the reader but at least have 5 or 6 characters outside to interact with unless they are aloof that has social anxiety. I was a bit dissapointed with how little we get to interact with John, which I can't blame if he wants to be emo all day but I felt like he should be more supportive to Y/N but is the type to be realistic while Hosea could give Y/N some hope but lead to be naive.

2. Now I was actually shocked that things went by fast with just 24 chapters we are in middle of chapter 4 compare to every rdr2 that I imagine we would already be in beginning of chapter 3 lol. I don't actually mind that though, the writing style actually helped the pacing along with the longer chapters. I just felt that some things were left missing that could have a potential for Y/Ns character and other relationship. I don't want you to do every event though, that be exhausting and annoying for both you and readers to read through. In other words, the pacing can sometimes be fast on how we can go from being ok in this area to whoops we need to go.

3. I think having a plot B could create more tension and be more engaging to read. Not necessarily important though, but it be cool that Y/N would struggle with wanting to bring back the way Arthur and her had in the past and on the other hand Y/N would struggle with herself and others for sometimes feeling not doing good enough for the gang despite how HARD she works.

Also I highly recommend to check out these website and writers that give you off good writing tips if you haven't

- Tyler Mowerry https://youtube.com/@TylerMowery: is mainly focusing on movies and series but you could also do this in fanfiction and novels as he gives super good and simple writing advice.

- The pottery https://theplottery.tumblr.com/?source=share: Focus on Novel and gives good advice on how to deal with writing block, gives ideas and inspo for you to write every month and more than you think!

- Hello future me https://youtube.com/@HelloFutureMe - Goes in depth about worldbuilding, character study (mostly atla) but has good how to show not tell, mental issues, creating this certain character etc

- Localscriptman https://youtube.com/@localscriptman - really underrated guy that gives off short yet simple and good writing advice that are funny and high quality too!

I do also recommend to go check out some rdr2 theories, essays, character and worldbuilding study like Strangeman, Fizhy and Real Pixels from youtube! I hope this helped and gave you something new :)) As always, looking forward more from you!

Thank you again for leaving this. I appreciate the feedback but I do have a specific way that I want to write the fic. There are a lot of things I’m going to change and due to the nature of the fic itself some things won’t.

Please don’t send me any more critiques since I didn’t specifically ask for it. I love hearing thoughts about the stuff that I write and the points you have brought up are all things that I’ve known about and were planning on changing so while hearing them from an outside perspective is helpful for me right now it only stresses me out.

Thank you anon I hope you understand and have a nice day ❤️❤️

[yatorihell]

Noragami Reread Volume 4-6

In which I wish Discord emojis were available to describe my feelings reading this arc

Chapter 12

Daikoku calling himself uncle to Yukine

Currently crying with Yato and Hiyori over Yukine

'Sooner or later she won't be able to live in her own world anymore' HA

Yato has known Hiyori less than 2 months and already doesn't want to lose her

'Cut ties isn't that your speciality' next chapter foreshadowing?

Chapter 13

It's so funny to think babies cry because ayakashi are bullying them

Kazuma's dedication to running Bishamons life shows why his father wanted him to run the salt business

Bishamon issues with past shinki totally aren't going to cause issues

Hiyori mentoring yukine

Kuraha is my fav of Bishamons shinki

Daikoku having 50 heart attacks during Bishamons visit

Kofuku can be scary sometimes

Daikoku is the biggest simp and I agree

Bishamon is an even bigger soft touch than Yato when it comes to humans

Chapter 14

'Once untied a bond cant be mended' HA

Bishamon queen of bottling it up

Foreshadowing of her not noticing a shinki in trouble

Yato telling Hiyori to leave him alone then replying to her tweets and following her around

'Will I forget them someday too' HA

Yukine finds a friend. ..

Not Yato taking Yukine's money and framing it as a lesson

The look on Suzuha's face that Tomoko never remembers him jsbdnd

'Smile you don't want to hurt your master' baby it don't work like that

'When did Yukine become our son' Daikoku you've always been a daddy what

Seeing the little home they've made at Kofuku’s place

'Hiyori will grow up and be what she wants to be' not u tho lol

'I never thought I'd never even be one of her memories' KILLING MYSELF!!

Sakura overtones: 1

Kuguha needs to choke on a dick

Lol remember how violent Suzuha's death was in the anime and we don't even see it in the manga

ALSO that whole scene shadowed by Yukine saying how he made a new friend and is invited to picnic javdvbd

Chapter 15

Kuguha's plan to reincarnate Bishamon here we go

How long since Suzuha died that the flowers wilted and Bishamon noticed

'Yato said have fun and be careful treating me like a kid' papagami

'I won't forget' Hiyori you will

Yato tweeting from the bushes still following her

'Idk if you like each other or hate each other' it's very clear Yato likes her early on and Hiyori gets feelings later I want to die

Bishamon's Aiha armour is such a serve

Blight begins showing on Bishamon aha

'Who in their right mind would ever follow her around' you would Yato, multiple times

Father's first mention

The fact so many shinki look guilty of blight shows the state of the house

Kinuha checking Kuguha's dong during inspection

'Can the likes of a god really save us' WELL HE DID SO

Yato beating Kuguha with a stick is the mood

Chapter 16

'I'm not going to disappear not as long as there's one person who never forgets me' there is hope! (There isn't <3)

Hiyoru picking up meat buns for them

Yato in the trashcan following Hiyori again ft umbrella scene I'm so sad

Hiyori promising to visit every day

'I promise I won't forget' I wish I had certain emojis to convey the mood I feel

Yato back in the trashcan

'That lie of yours better be true' Rip Yato death by garbage truck

Broken window from Daikoku hitting Yato and chasing him to the roof

'Everything will be alright as long as I remember them' WILL YOU

Oh the DRAMA of the whole Yukine vs Bishamon monologue

Oh Suzuha really didn't defend himself I hate this

Chapter 17

We're 16 chapters in and Hiyori is already his weakness

Kofuku asking if Kazuma will go stray right over a panel of yato aha foreshadowing

Yato not leaving Kofuku's to hide because of Hiyori

Yatori height difference I need to keep an eye on how it changes

Hiyori was so active in fight scenes compared to now I miss her

Chapter 18

I'm such a slut for a kidnapping plot

Moans at Yato's angry face

'If you stay in in that form for too long you will die' AHA

Hiyori death foreshadowing tracker: 4

Devastating the hot guy you know is a mass murderer

The image of Kazubisha taking on young shinki making a new family

Yukine instantly assuming it's his fault Hiyori got taken I hate this

'Why won't you grant her wish' blushing Yato he's so down

Tenjins deal for Yato to cut Hiyori's ties

I wonder when Yato first went to heaven, would this have been it

The fucking sexual tension of Yato and Bishamon wanting to gut each other

Chapter 19

The fight scenes always go so hard

'Protect me' *5 mins later* not like that!

'Where's Hiyori?!' I'm passing away

Kazuma's willingness to be cut down if it saves Bishamon

Chapter 20

How absolutely devasting it would've been to be reading Noragami when Yukine got shattered and you had to wait a month to see what happened I say as if I've not sat through multiple cliffhangers and 2 hiatuses

Yukine becoming a blessed vessel makes me so sad

Bishamon still standing after the blight and fighting she really is girl gone wild

Shinki can ignore their call so the fact Kinuha went was probably more of a confirmed response, not that she would deny Bishamon anyway

Blighted Bishamon is so op I wanna see it again

Chapter 21

Hiyori coming to stop the fight because she knows she's the reason Yato came

Yato zoning out to kill Bishamon when Hiyori stops him

The shinki deaths are so graphic and Bishmaon has just lost it at this point

Chapter 22

Kazuma telling Bishamon the truth of the Ma Clan and solving hundreds of years worth of drama

Tbf Bishamon needed the reality check about her shinki, she's kind to a fault and that was what killed both clans

Bsihamon recalling how Kuguha used to teach the children he manipulated, once again he can choke on a dick

Yato taking responsibility wanting to kill the masked ayakashi because it has to do with Nora and by extension Father

The imagery of Kuguha falling from heaven

Hiyori gently holding Yato back I'm so fucking emo

The family reunion when they get back to Tenjin's I'm eating glass inconsolably

'You found your one irreplaceable someone' I hate this they don't know about Yukine arc!!!!!!

Completely forgot about Tenjin's deal lol

Eating glass at the infinity loop around Yato and Hiyori if I see it in the final chapter I'm ending it

'I will do what must be done' bitch if he does it in the final chapter I'm!!!!!

Chapter 23

'Why does my chest hurt like this?' For the forshadowing? That I die??

Kazuma and Touma having a sibling relationship and how she was killed whilst he watched ahhhh

Flashback time

Touma is such a nerd

Kuraha in a cone even though he's in human form lol

The exchange diary is a cute idea and apparently works

Humans are allowed to make mistakes <3

Adachitoka is such a tease we know Hiyori still has ties