#know that this is not a direct attack on you sophie

[tempesttz]

not so hot take: what sophie, i know you're usually very open for debate/criticism, which is why i am going to bother to debate you on this one. this isn't gonna be formatted great i like just woke up and am infected with the "chronically unserious" that i am occasionally stricken with but lets talk about this first off did we watch the same debate because that man looked like he was on another planet, he fumbled so many times on such easy talking points that it was genuinely concerning for most people watching. second off, biden has had a history of his mental decline being commented on (may 2023 article) (and here's another for the sake of it (nov 2022 article) ). the issue is that both parties are too old to be doing this. putting them on that podium frankly felt like watching elder abuse to me. as someone who has first-hand witnessed dementia and the effects it has on a person, i can safely say i am terrified for what will happen if joe biden is voted into office. if i had to guess, i would say his decline will only get worse exponentially from here, especially if he's put in a place like the president of the united states. i give him a year of general clarity from here, tops, but this paragraph is mostly personal opinion and anecdote so feel free to ignore it. third off, are we forgetting about the fact he denies there being a genocide going on in gaza? not to mention sending literal billions of dollars to funding that genocide? people don't call him genocide joe for no reason, sophie. the only fathomable reason joe biden would ever look competent is because he's put next to donald trump, one of the literal most incompetent, awful individuals in the known universe. to go over some of your points - he's willing to fight for human rights: see him funding a genocide. he's also done fuckall about... well, anything honestly. (other than "beating medicare," i guess /sarc) the decline in lgbtq rights, especially trans rights, is noticeable. you can check out the anti-trans bill tracker to see just how many have been proposed, passed and denied in 2024 alone. they do one every year. i recommend looking into it. - he's well-informed: trump lied on the podium multiple times. biden said nothing. - speaking as someone with autism, this has nothing to do with autism. joe biden is (likely) not autistic. he is likely not neurodivergent in any meaningful, noticable way because if he was he likely never would have been brought up that far to the podium in the first place. - the issue was not that he is "not the best speaker," the issue is that it is obvious he has noticeably declined to startling degrees during the entirety of his term which just proves that it will only get worse from here. not to mention, having joe biden up there at this point is causing more people to consider voting for trump. that's not a good thing. is trump godawful? yes. do i think, if not given other options, people should still vote for biden as the lesser of two evils? also yes. am i distraught that we're in a position as a country where we have to vote for the lesser of two evils to run our country? also also yes. am i sure a lot of people are hoping for joe biden's untimely passing so that harris will hopefully, hopefully do anything of value in the next four years? surely. if this keeps up, maybe we should just vote for the icp in 2024.... maybe homestuck was right after all please do more research before posting, sophie.

can we please have a presidential candidate that doesn't belong in a geriatric ward 2024

Hot take: Joe Biden made way more rational arguments than his opponent in the debate, citing actual facts to combat the fascist's lies, but everyone decided he "lost" because his voice was hoarse and he tripped over his words or lost track of what he was saying in a couple places.

What the debate response really shows is America's ableism. Because what I saw is someone who is well-informed and willing to fight for human rights and stand for a better America. And he's been torn apart because he wasn't the best speaker given a time limit of a minute to spit out a response.

Speaking as someone with autism, who so often struggles articulating my own thoughts, I relate to that.

If this causes Biden to lose to a man who is making up lies about invaders pouring over the border from insane asylums, has threatened to bring back mental institutions and lock up homeless people in them, and used his position as President to cyberbully an autistic teen... well, it will show what America really thinks of its neurodivergent population.

Biden 2024!

[ninchen1909]

The wrong groom

Pairing: Ivar the boneless x female reader

Word count: ~ 2.500

Hey,

this is the first time I write for a Vikings character. Also English isn‘t my first language, so I apologize in advance for possible mistakes.

I hope you have a great day!

Warnings: mention of killing disabled children, mention of alcohol, kind of arranged marriage but also not

"How can you ask this of me father?" you turn to him angrily, your dress swinging elegantly around your body. All of your father's advisors look at the floor, not daring to say a word. Even the priest, who always follows your father like a faithful, obedient dog, stands before you with his head bowed.

"How can you ask me to marry one of these barbarians, they stand for all that we despise. How in God's holy name can you ask me to marry one of these sinners?"

Your face is flushed red with rage, your hands clenched into tight fists. You have always been different from all the other princesses you have known. You never let anyone tell you to shut up and you always stood up for your convictions. At some point your parents realized that they could never chastise you and made a deal with you to control your temper at least in front of visitors and other nobles.

"You must do it my beloved daughter, for our kingdom, for our freedom and for our people."

Tears well up in your eyes, whether from anger or sadness you can't quite tell yourself. A few days ago, you were simply the princess of one of the smaller kingdoms in England, never attracting the interest of the Northmen until they suddenly and without warning attacked your city. Half of your army have already been killed and it is almost certain that your city could not withstand another attack.

"But why me father, why not Sophie, you've wanted to marry her off for a long time, she's older and wiser than me." Your tone has by now lost its sharpness, desperation winning out over fear.

"Sophie does not have your strength, my child, she would perish in their world, but you can become stronger in it." The look in your father's eyes becomes softer, you even think you can recognize pity in it.

"Do I even have a chance of getting out of this unmarried?" your father shakes his head, a defeated sigh escaping your throat.

"They are already on their way to us, King Ragnar with his sons and some retainers, we will discuss the details at a feast today."

"May I at least know the name of my intended?" you cross your arms stubbornly in front of your chest, a behavior for which other princesses would have experienced great suffering, but your father has to suppress a smirk.

"Prince Sigurd"

A few hours later, the feast is in full swing, together with your sister, your father, and his closest confidants, you sit on a raised table in the back of the Great Hall.

Your appetite has left after a closer observation of the Nordic table manners. Disgusted, your mouth tightens as you see them talking with their mouths full and not seeming to understand the meaning of cutlery at all. The wine flows in streams and soon you realize that they seem to be able to hold more alcohol than the men in your town.

All evening you feel the eyes of one of Ragnar's sons on you, you know from the description your father gave you of your future husband that it is not Sigurd. Crutches are leaning against the wooden bench next to him and his attentive, alert eyes follow your every move. His dark brown hair, like the hair of the other Northmen is worked into beautiful braided hairstyles. Your father seems to be able to interpret your gaze clearly, as unobtrusively as possible, he leans in your direction and whispers to you:

"This is Ivar, he is the youngest son of Ragnar and according to stories also by far the most bloodthirsty and brutal among the brothers. So stay away from him."

A silent nod is your answer, but to your own dismay, your father's words don't repulse you, but rather make the interest in  Ivar grow in you. During the whole time, his ice-blue eyes are constantly directed at you, even when you look directly at him, he does not avert his gaze from you, but gives you an arrogant smile, much to your astonishment.

Throughout the evening, your eyes meet again and again, and each time anew goose bumps cover your body, the dangerous aura that surrounds him captivates you, and as if automatically, your hand finds its way to the cross that hangs around your neck, you clasp it tightly with your fist.

The festivity goes on like all the previous ones. Everyone gets drunk and all the noble, God-fearing men, as time passes and alcohol consumption increases, look for a young woman for the night, who in no way resembles their spouse.

With your father's consent, you get up from the table as inconspicuously as you can and leave the hall almost in a hurry. You hold up the skirt of your dress to get ahead faster and so you walk quickly straight towards the stables.

Your entrance is accompanied by the excited neighing and nervous scraping of hooves as you make your way as quietly as possible to the last stall. In it stands your most faithful friend in the kingdom, the only one you don't have to worry about betraying you. Carefully you push the latch aside and enter the box with slow steps. Dark, loyal eyes beam at you as you lovingly bury the flat of your hand on the snow-white fur.

"Greetings, my old friend," you carefully lean your forehead against his and close your eyes, the smell of fresh hay rising to your nostrils, and for the first time this evening, you seem to be able to breathe properly. You tenderly stroke your horse's nostrils as you hear a steady clacking sound in the front of the stable. With a jerk, you turn around, prepared to spot the potential danger and fight back if necessary.

However, you would never have expected to meet the person who is now standing in front of you. You watch as he moves slowly but smoothly toward one of the hay bales and drops onto it, his crutches leaning next to him within reach.  Now he looks at you through his thick lashes. The sky-blue of his eyes makes you shiver pleasantly and for a brief moment you think your legs would give out their service and make you fall uncomfortably to the ground. Quickly you try to hide this.

"What are you doing here my prince, shouldn't you be out in the hall getting drunk with the other men and lusting after the women?"

You yourself are taken aback by your direct words, but you don't let this show. Unlike expected, your words do not make him angry, but rather seem to amuse him. For a short time later, a raucous, throaty laugh fills the stables.

"You're different little raven, aren't you? Most of the other princesses I know are obedient and well-behaved, but you carry the fire of Freya in you." An arrogant but also admiring smile spreads on Ivar's face.

"You are also different from most people I know, because most people I know have two functioning legs and can actually walk of their own free will."

no sooner have you said these words than you regret them. You never wanted to be someone who limited others only to physical attributes. His smile begins to stiffen and the playful spark has also disappeared from his eyes.

"I guess you're right about that little raven" you notice him reach for his crutch and tense his upper body to hoist himself up. You hurry to place a hand on his forearm, an apologetic expression coming to your face.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just you they don't get many people like you, most of you are..." you dare not finish the sentence, which Ivar takes from you though.

".... Killed or left for dead. I know."

Under your hand you notice how his muscles relax again and Ivar seems to loosen up again. An uncomfortable silence spreads over you, only the scraping of hooves and the flaring of nostrils can be heard around you.

"You said before that I had the fire of Freya in me."

With a nod, Ivar indicates for you to continue talking.

"Who is Freya?"

a slight smile spreads across his face after your question and he leans a little further towards you.

"One of our goddesses, especially in times of war we think of her and make sacrifices to be in her favor."

"So you're comparing me to a goddess who brings death and disaster to people?"

you raise an eyebrow.

"Believe me that is an honor, she is one of our Most Favored Gods, but if it soothes your Christian heart, she is also the Goddess of Marriage and Love."

Slightly you nod to yourself as you soak up this knowledge.

"You said Freya is one of your gods, who else do you make sacrifices for?"

Ivar looks into your face trying to find some form of dishonesty there, however the only thing Ivar can discern there is genuine curiosity.

Eagerly, you listen to his soothing voice as he tells you about the father of the gods, Odin, Thor, Loki, and all the others gods.

After the feast, King Ragnar has decided to stay with his whole troupe until your and Sigurd's wedding, so that you can then sail back with them to their homeland and a new life.

Against all expectations, you spend most of your time with Ivar instead of your future husband. You realize that none of the stories do justice to Ivar's character, at least not when he is with you. Of course, you recognize his gruff, sometimes even sadistic manner when he is with other people. With you, however, he is tender and attentive, always giving you his complete attention and patiently explaining everything you want to know. He tells you stories of his adventures and of what awaits you in your new home.

With each passing day you notice how your feelings for Ivar increase and your interest in Sigurd decreases until it finally ceases to exist, each day your heart yearns more for the man with the crippled legs. Never does he treat you as if you were beneath him. Every day he tells you stories about his travels, his homeland and his gods and to your own amazement he listens attentively to your stories about your god. After only a few days you realize that his mere presence makes you happy, every day you wake up in anticipation of spending your day with him. And he seems to feel the same way. In all this time Sigurd never once seeks your company, nor does he make any effort to get to know you better. Ivar even more so.

Three days before the wedding you can't take it anymore, you have to stand by your feelings or you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.

With quick steps you make your way to the throne room with one hand grasping the skirt of your dress so as not to trip without knocking you push open the heavy wooden door and look into the astonished faces of your father and King Ragnar.

"Daughter, how dare you..."

"Father, please forgive the intrusion, however, I need to talk to you about something that has been depriving me of sleep for several nights now."

At your words, your father's features soften and his voice loses some of its original sharpness.

"Speak then, my daughter."

"I don't want to marry Sigurd, I don't think we're right for each other either..."

Your father interrupts you, before you can finish your sentence.

“You are going to marry one of King Ragnars sons, that’s not something I’m going to debate with you, daughter.”

“Yes father I know and I’m going to marry one of his sons, just not Sigurd..”

Your father sinks back into his chair, your eyes briefly fall on the King of the Northmen, his bright blue eyes patterning you with interest.

"Why don't you want to marry my son Sigurd, he's a good man".

The Northman squints his eyes slightly, eagerly waiting for your answer.

"I do not question that he is a good man, however I have the impression that we would not be good for each other."

"And why do you think that?"

Ragnar rises from his chair and walks toward you with slow steps, his eyes not leaving yours for a second. Nervousness rises in you, but you try to suppress it with all your might.

"And I want to hear the real reason."

"With all due respect King Ragnar, I am not under the impression that Prince Sigurd is interested in finding a wife and starting a family. Besides, I don't think I have the physical attributes your son desires in a partner."

A smile creeps onto his lips, while your father is shocked and enraged by your bluntness.

“Daughter, how dare you to speak to King Rag..”

“Fair enough…”

The Northman interrupts your father without sparing him so much as a glance.

…..which one of my sons do you want to marry princess (y/n)?“

“Prince Ivar, my king”

The shocked gasp of you father fills the thronroom and even king Ragnar seems surprised by your demand.

“I noticed on our first day here, that you weren’t really found of him, so what changed?”

“That’s true, at first I was scared of him, I heard many stories about how brutal and violent he can be and to be honest I don’t doubt that for a second. But as I spend time with him, he showed me, what I believe is the real him. He is soft and caring with me, he lifts up my spirit every time I see him. And he never gave me the feeling like I was inferior to him because of my gender. He is smart and a excellent strategiest, I wasn’t lucky enough to see him fight so far. But from what I heard, he is a outstanding warrior too.  And I would be honored to become his wife.”

After your speech you lower your head slightly, not daring to look at your father, a short but intense silence falls over the three of you. It feels like an eternity, until you hear King Ragnars loud an clear voice.

“Then so be it.”

[phregnancy]

okay, they are not exes BUT what’s their deal with a public label? telling the world with all the words that they are in a relationship doesn’t take their right of privacy. especially if the entire world already ~knows~ that they are in a relationship even without them saying and the world keeps being noisy anyways 😭 sometimes i think this is an entirely dan thing and phil, as private as he is, wouldn’t mind just saying with all the words that they are in a relationship to the public

i started rambling and went on a tangent

dan did acknowledge them being in a relationship but that aside - it’s like dan said, what they have is special and it’s private and it’s theirs. doing a more direct acknowledgment like people want does take it away from them a little bit, it removes any plausible deniability and creates room for even more in depth analysis and criticism of their relationship. it also allows for more targeted attacks and hate, the people interview went well because it was a phannie interviewing them but generally gossip magazines like that are a lot more personal and and cruel. also separately, i think the coming out aspect is off putting to them. having to come out and explain your sexuality again and again is exhausting enough, and a lot of people get to a place where they don’t want to have to come out anymore and instead they just exist and if you can’t tell they’re gay then that’s your issue. that extends to relationships, and having to explain again and again that yeah obviously duh the person who you’ve been living with for half your life is your significant other. it’s also frustrating because straight people don’t have to do that. pj and sophie have been living together for over a decade, they visit each other’s families and go on vacations together, they have a pet together, they go out with their couple friends together - no one looks at them and sees all of that and thinks “oh, what good friends”. i haven’t seen all of pj’s streams so i can’t say for certain that he’s never called sophie his girlfriend, but if he does it is very rare. the only time i recall them mentioning anything was at an old convention when pj was telling a story and called sophie his girlfriend. and that was enough for people to accept them as a couple and never question it again. dan acknowledges them being a normal gay couple and waxes poetics about them and their relationship and still people need more. idk. just. yes they are in a relationship. they have their own boundaries in place to maintain their privacy to their specifications. but even if they weren’t notoriously private people and they just didn’t address it for some reason, they shouldn’t have to. it is obvious, it shouldn’t need to be spelled out so directly!

[sisionscreen]

Character bios of Sisi (2021) Season 04 characters

The original German character bios can be found at RTL's media hub. Below you can find their English translations.

Empress Sisi (Dominique Devenport)

Sisi continues to be torn between her deep desire for freedom and the strict duties of her imperial position. Again and again, she is drawn to the vastness of the world to escape the narrow cage of the Hofburg. When after her father's death she returns to her old home Possenhofen and is in danger of losing the family seat, she realizes how much this old home means to her and she does her utmost to save it. In her fight for Possenhofen Castle, Sisi doesn't just discover dark family secrets but also struggles with the question where her heart is truly at home.

______________________________________________________________

Emperor Franz Joseph (Jannik Schümann)

Sisi's absence at court leads to tensions between her and Franz. He misses Sisi, not only as a tactically skilled cally on the political stage, but also as a wife and confidant. When he learns that Sisi has defied his wish to stop riding, he tries to force her to fulfill her imperial duties and orders her back to the court. Ultimately, he realizes that this is only driving her further away from him, and that he has to let go to win her back.

______________________________________________________________

Archduchess Sophie (Désirée Nosbusch)

After the death of her brother-in-law, Duke Max in Bavaria, Archduchess Sophie takes care of her grieving sister Ludovika and her family. She not only wants to make sure that Max's successor Louis properly fulfills his duties as the new head of the family, but also to protect the secret of Ludovika's past, which is threatening to come to light.

______________________________________________________________

Duchess Ludovika (Julia Stemberger)

After the death of her husband Max, Ludovika does everything she can to cover up his double life and thereby keep her darkest secret, which would shake her family to its foundations and which would ultimately be so serious that she would endanger her own life for it.

______________________________________________________________

Count Grünne (David Korbmann)

After he broke with Franz, Count Grünne left the Hofburg in Vienna. But when Sisi asks him again for help to uncover the background to a mysterious murder, he is once again at her side as a loyal friend.

______________________________________________________________

Countess Esterházy (Tanja Schleiff)

Esterházy's loyalty is put to the test when Sisi trains for the horse race behind her husband Franz's back, endangering not only her marriage but also her health. But Esterházy, as usual, sticks by her Empress, even if it could cost her her position. In the end, with her usual finesse, she even knows how to steer Sisi's heart in the right direction.

______________________________________________________________

Max, Duke in Bavaria (Marcus Grüsser)

Shortly before he can confess to his wife Ludovika that he lost the family estate, Possenhofen Castle, in a horse bet, Duke Max suffers a fatal heart attack. He leaves his family with a huge pile of broken pieces, which not only puts a strain on their relationships but also brings unexpected revelations to light.

______________________________________________________________

Sophie Charlotte in Bavaria (Philine Schmölzer)

Sophie Charlotte is Sisi's youngest sister and the last child who still lives with Ludovika and Max at Possenhofen. The defiant rebel doesn't mince her words and doesn't miss any chance to provoke her family, and especially her mother, who wants nothing more than to marry off Sophie Charlotte soon. However, with her almost youthful recklessness, Sophie Charlotte ensures that all attempts to introduce her to suitable marriage candidates always fail. She often secretly smokes marijuana while painting surrealistic and erotic pictures. But when she meets King Ludwig, everything is over for her and from then on she only pursues one goal: to make the man who has a dubious reputation her husband.

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King Ludwig II of Bavaria (Gustav Schmidt)

The “Fairy Tale King” breaks with every expectation of a king of his time. The good-looking young man also breaks all fashion conventions; instead of elegant courtly clothing, he could be seen as a pioneer of the haute couture fashion movement. Despite his strikingly modern style, Ludwig is fighting for his existence as king, which is why the country's democratic movement is a thorn in his side. While he enjoys all the attention and misses no opportunity to invest his fortune in art and culture, things are looking bleak for him politically. He senses that not everyone in the court is loyal to him and fears a fall from power. And between all these worries there is love. Because Ludwig has so far avoided any kind of commitment to a woman. He initially also tries this with Sophie Charlotte, but she fascinates him. Will he ever be able to love Sophie Charlotte the way she loves him?

______________________________________________________________

Ludwig "Louis" in Bavaria (Rick Okon)

With the death of his father Max, Sisi's eldest brother Louis becomes the new head of the family. Not only does he have an excellent law degree, but he also adheres to courtly etiquette and always tries to meet all expectations. But love, of all things, thwarts his plans: the woman he wants to marry is not a noblewoman, but the middle-class opera singer Henriette Mendel. When King Ludwig promises him the position of Minister of Justice/Attorney General, a befitting marriage becomes even more urgent. And so Louissoon faces a big dilemma about the question of what is more important to him: status, career and responsibility towards the family, or his own happiness and love...

______________________________________________________________

Henriette Mendel (Antonia Moretti)

Henriette is Louis' free-spirited fiancée. She loves being on stage and is about to become the new star in the Munich opera firmament. At the same time, she wants to hold on to her relationship with Louis without giving up her career. When Louis is appointed head of the family and also has to become a minister/secretary, she feels that she has no place in this world. Especially Ludovika's demands for her children's spouses seem to make a marriage with Louis impossible. In order to not lose Louis entirely, she offers him a secret liaison instead of marriage, which means a life in the shadow of a wife who is befitting his status and promotes Louis' career, and therefor ensures Henriette's own independence.

______________________________________________________________

Georg Basselet von La Rosée (Klaus Steinbacher)

Georg Basselet von La Rosée comes from a long line of chamberlains, but he has now renounced nobility and all the social obligations that go with it. His heart lies in equestrian sports. He is a fascinated racing jockey and horse breeder, businessman and owner of a stud farm. Nobody knows this world as well as he does, and nobody knows better than him how to drive horses to peak performance. He does everything for his reputation as the 'best jockey in Bavaria'. And once the highly attractive bachelor has set his mind to something, he never loses sight of this goal - including his home, Possenhofen, where Georg grew up before Sisi's family took over the castle. Shortly before Max's death, Georg recaptured the castle from the Wittelsbach family as part of a horse race, and now it's up to Sisi to fight for her home: When she offers Georg another race for the castle, he can't say no. In his opponent Sisi, of all people, Georg finds a soul mate who cares about Possenhofen Castle just as much as he does and who also struggles with her status and role as Empress. Soon the attraction between the two can no longer be denied. In the end, Georg is ready to give up his search for a home for Sisi and he chooses freedom.

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Linda (Eli Riccardi)

Linda is the stable master at Possenhofen Castle and Sisi's secret half-sister. Since childhood, she has lived with this lie in the shadow of Max's official family. She mostly spent the few hours with her father in the stable or riding. Linda knows nothing other than this shadowy existence. She has come to terms with this and focuses on work in the stable, which repeatedly leads to arguments with her mother Adele, who feels betrayed by the Wittelsbach family. When Sisi prepares to win the race against Felix and save Possenhofen Castle, she is the only one who can help her. Linda accepts the challenge without knowing what lies ahead when she uncovers the big family secret.

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Adele Schwarz (Sabine Timoteo)

Adele is the mother of Linda, who was conceived out of wedlock, and the former lover of Max, who secured her existence throughout his life and paid the rent for her Munich apartment. After Max's death, Adele now has to fear losing her apartment and asks Linda to stay away from the Wittelsbach family, which she refuses. In her desperation, Adele increasingly reaches for the bottle and ends up paying the greatest price to finally bring the long-kept, dark family secret to light...

[mental-illness-bingo]

TW Sophieinwonderland, cult discussion

For anyone with expertise on cults, does it seem to you like sophie may be going in that direction? Reading their recent posts after *that* post, it sounds to me like it’s going there - whether or not she intends it to.

Her posts constantly include her not just advocating for endos and attacking anti-endos, but actively trying to pressure people to be plural. She’s probably successfully making some people realize they’re a CDD system by traumatizing them with the things she posts. She’s definitely trying to get a group of people behind her and encourage them to follow her and get even more.

She talks about how wonderful she thinks it is being plural, and REALLY wants everyone else to be in on it. So much so that she’s willing to make it seem like people were toxic to their imaginary friends as kids for trying to control them and then shoving them away. In her pinned she has something she wrote where she actively says that she’ll convince “at least one of you” that your imaginary friend from childhood is sentient and you just forced them to hide.

She literally said, and this is a quote “Speaking as the person who started The Future is Plural, and a tulpa, more created systems (and tulpas specifically) have always been baked into the slogan. Yes, it's about acceptance. But acceptance will result in more created systems. And more created systems will lead to more plurals. Higher numbers of plurals leads to more power. And more power will let us spread more acceptance.” That post was tagged with “we are legion”.

And then there’s that post where she actively was asking for ideas and articles she could use to make a fake conspiracy theory to use as “a Trojan horse in the conspiracy theory community” to convince them everyone was plural before a coverup happened. Dragging Egyptian mythology into it too, which is incredibly disrespectful. She is actively making up fake stories of some past where there were a bunch of people like her and the group she’s creating and that everyone not like them is either secretly like them or is against them and actively trying to cover up their existence. This fake past (that she openly posted about making up to infiltrate conspiracy theorists and get them to believe) that she’s then going to try to use to get even more people to join her bc she’s “awoken” something in them.

I definitely don’t think she’s there yet; like I said I think it’s just going that way. Especially with that explicitly stated desire for power which she would then use to spread her message further which would get more power for her and her followers and so on in that cycle.

BITE model analysis below the cut (idk if there’s a more recent version than this as I stepped away from learning about cults a while ago bc I just wasn’t there in my religious trauma journey to hear so much about catholic adjacent ideas)

I’m not at all set in stone on this idea. I just want to know if I’m reading too deep or if this really is why her followers saw that post playing into paranoia and threatening anti-endos as somehow the same as not believing in endos and how they think blocking her is some extreme offense. Someone on my post asking what it was she said in that post that went around (I hadn’t seen it since I had her blocked already) said that I shouldn’t judge her by that or by anyone else’s opinion on her. It was giving “if you just meet and talk to our founder, you’ll understand why we do everything we do” vibes and I wanted to look deeper into it. You are/gen encouraged to counter or disprove this with actual critical discussion. “She’s not making a cult you’re stupid” isn’t critical discussion. “Here’s why I don’t think you’re right” is.

Please note, for the analysis using the BITE model I will be phrasing things using what she says. I do not believe any of what she says but it’s easier to communicate using her terms and more effectively explains it rather than shoving “supposedly” and “what they call” into every single sentence.

B/Behavior control:

Promote dependence and obedience ✅ - you’re “pluralphobic” or a “sysmed” if you disagree with her trying to push people to become plural and force this idea of a future she has where everyone is plural. Even if the actual singlet involved doesn’t want to, she then pushes the idea that you’re actively emotionally hurting someone by not following her ideas, someone you cared about as a child. Imaginary friends are often foundational to children’s emotional attachments as it allows them to freely practice social interactions and connections without risk of messing up, so attacking someone’s feelings towards their imaginary friends is likely to drag them to her side whether they want to or not.

Modify behavior with rewards and punishments ✅ - anti endos are threatened on that post with emotional harm and told there isn’t a way they can escape it unless they stop being anti-endo and start pushing plurality with her.

Dictate where and with whom you live, Restrict or control sexuality, Control clothing and hairstyle, regulate what and how much you eat and drink, deprive you of 7-9 hours of sleep, exploit you financially, restrict your leisure time activities, require you to seek permission for major decisions ❌

Requiring major time spent on group indoctrination and rituals, including self-indoctrination on the internet ❔- while not exactly required, sophie isn’t unclear on her message that you should be putting pressure on people around you to be first accepting of and then consider actually being plural. She also has EXTENSIVE reading in her pinned post and recommends various other sources throughout her posts

I/Information control:

Deliberately withhold and distort information ✅ - any sources that go against endogenic systems are from “bigots/sysmeds/pluralphobes” and the only things you should be listening to are the few and far between biased “research” she’s found pointing to the existence of endogenic systems. For the most part, these don’t exist so instead she appropriates tulpamancy which is a closed practice separate from any definition of a system (according to people who are part of the closed practice I’ve seen speak on this), which does have research into it being that it’s a long standing religious practice.

Forbid you from communicating with ex-members and critics ✅ - the paranoia inducing post directly states that she will get your friends and family to stop speaking with you without ever telling you why. She claims she will entirely isolate anti-endos and destroy their support systems.

Restrict access to non-cult sources of information ❔- not that I’ve seen other than trying to pressure people into thinking they’re biased against them and therefore inaccurate.

Compartmentalize information into insider vs outsider doctrine ✅ - everything she’s doing is Us vs Them, pro-endos vs anti endos isn’t a discussion anymore it’s a *personal attack* and shouldn’t be discussed it should be eradicated. This isn’t a conversation to her at this point, just a way of leaning into her desire to push fake plurals even further.

Generate and use propaganda (“the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person”, Merriam-Webster) extensively ✅ - literally her whole blog on tumblr and on whatever site it is those links go to

Use information gained in confidence against you ❔not to my knowledge

Gaslight (“to psychologically manipulate (a person) usually over an extended period of time so that the victim questions the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and experiences confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, and doubts concerning their own emotional or mental stability”, Merriam-Webster) to make you doubt your own memory ✅ - the whole concept about how she talks about imaginary friends and the idea that they were people you emotionally mistreated (haven’t seen her use the word abuse but wouldn’t put it past her) is based on trying to convince people they weren’t really imagining them. She tries to use things such as dreams to prove something can be autonomous within your own head and drives this idea further by attempting to reshape childhood memories. All children at some point believed their imaginary friend was separate of them because it’s the subconscious trying to help you run simulated social experiences, but sophie wants you to believe your subconscious isn’t responsible (and in fact doesn’t - at least in the post about sentience in her pinned - acknowledge the subconscious at all) but an entire other person in your mind. There’s a reason children realize these aren’t real people right as they hit the age where they can both understand reality’s fiction and when they realize they’re capable of imagining things at all (both fundamental developmental milestones). It’s just that they aren’t capable of understanding that they’re in control of it yet because their neurology allows for playing pretend but not for comprehending pretend.

Require you to report your own thoughts, feelings, and activities to your superiors, encourage you to spy and report on others’ misconduct, big brother surveillance ❌

T/Thought control:

Teach you to internalize group doctrine as “Truth” ✅ - as I’ve mentioned earlier in the post, she marks all sources that agree with her as correct and all sources that disagree with her as incorrect AND bigoted against her and people like her. If you are to avoid her threats, you have to agree with what she considers the truth, regardless of the vast majority of psychological studies that say different.

Instill black vs white, us vs them, good vs evil thinking ✅ - extensively covered above

Change your identity, possibly even your name ✅ - she wants singlets to believe they’re someone else. Multiple someone elses. All with different names and opinions but most importantly all who have been shoved away by you and want to be free to do what they please which just so happens to align with her desire to push more people to do the same.

Use loaded language to stop complex thought ✅ - most examples of this are rephrasing something to put emotional weight against disagreeing with it. One such example given when I looked it up was the transfer from anti-abortion to pro-life. This is all over Sophie’s posts. She’s got three different terms she’s throwing around all emotionally loaded to make you feel disgusting for disagreeing. Sysmeds (which she constantly pushes to conflate with transmeds and actively compared anti-endos to homophobes), pluralphobes, and outright use of the word bigot - all used to replace the term anti-endo and make it seem disgusting and horrible and just morally Wrong to be anti-endo.

Induce hypnotic or trance states to indoctrinate ❔ - she does seem to push some methods adjacent to meditation but I wouldn’t call it a trance state, though she does heavily believe in forcing people to dissociate and create systems that way so up to you if you see this as a yes or no

Teach thought-stopping techniques to prevent critical thought and reality testing ❔ not in any classic cult way I’ve seen where they have a phrase of some sort to stop those thoughts, but the fear of punishment technique is in place. Her followers saw how she spoke to anti-endos. The threats weren’t released in any isolated way. The people who agree with her saw what would happen if they changed their minds. I’m willing to bet it didn’t just cause paranoia in people already on the anti-endo side.

Allow only positive thoughts ❌

Use excessive meditation, singing, prayer, and chanting to block thoughts ❌

Reject rational analysis, critical thinking, and constructive criticism ✅ - extensively covered above

E/Emotional control:

Instill irrational fears of questioning or leaving the group (phobia indoctrination) ✅ - more of what I was speaking on above; her followers also saw the threats that anti-endos got. This could very well keep someone on her side for fear that she would cause them isolation and emotional harm if they were to disagree with her.

Make you feel elitist and special ✅ - all over her page she talks about how great letting your imaginary friends take over is and how being plural is such a great thing. I’ve seen her reblogging things going all the way to saying extreme pain was made bearable (from 100 to 10) from one of their “headmates” holding their hand. This has neurological basis in CDD systems but it doesn’t have any basis without the different usage of the brain that comes with a CDD system. It’s basic “mind over matter” but it’s being rebranded as some special thing they could do because they fed into this. She convinces them they’re better than others who continue to shove away their imaginary friends. She also says they’re better than all anti-endos because they aren’t being bigoted. The future is plural is pushed because being plural is better in her mind.

Promote feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness ❔- not to her followers which is what I think this refers to? She does this to people who don’t agree with her though and to an extreme degree (The Post, you know the one)

Elicit extreme emotional highs and lows, label some emotions as evil, worldly, sinful, or wrong, teach emotion-stopping techniques to prevent anger or home-sickness ❌

Threaten and harass your friends and family ✅ - if we are to believe her, this is what she would do given the opportunity. This is what she threatened to do. I have no doubt that she would absolutely do this to any anti-endo in her real life. It’s not a risk to us because she has no access to our information and our families. But given that access? I don’t think she’d be above trying it (at least until it got her in trouble where she would go whine to a judge about how they’re mean to the people she supposedly made up and decided to keep in her head)

Shun you if you disobey or disbelieve ✅ - just as she tried to make anti-endos believe she’d isolated us, so too would she do to one of her followers who became anti-endo. She wants anti-endos to believe we have no support network so we join her side. By extension, that likely means she wants pro-endos to believe that they would have no support network if they became anti-endo.

Teach you that there is no happiness or fulfillment outside of the group ✅ - she has several things she’s reblogged or posted from her asks discussing how miserable anti-endos must be, one even claiming that the reason we’re anti-endo is because our system wants us to continue doubting the existence of our alters so they push away her beliefs. She either firmly believes herself that we are all miserable and mean or she knows better but wants her followers to believe it.

There’s a lot of X’s there. She’s definitely not there yet I don’t think, and I don’t even know if there’s sufficient evidence to say it’s going there. There IS sufficient evidence in the way her followers reacted to and defended that post (or completely ignored its existence while continuing to follow her and act like it was completely normal) to say that people are being swayed and controlled by the ideas she’s pushed. There’s a reason we have to do so much damage control on that post - because she wanted people to be scared and enjoyed that it worked.

She is, bare minimum, high on a power trip. She’s willing to avoid blocks and harass people to get her message across, and the message is that no one is to disagree with her.

I don’t agree with and don’t appreciate the existence of the endogenic “system” community, but Sophie isn’t representative of all of them. She’s her own issue separately and maybe more pressing than them.

I don’t know what if anything can be done about this if it is the case. I just know that I saw a pattern I recognized from an old hyperfixation on cults and some… experience from a short period of my personal life dealing with this kind of thing and I wanted to see if others see it too.

Edit: addition based on something I saw on the sophie filter blog (avoid this at all costs it’s intentionally triggers and traumatizing to read AND is used to intentionally filter everything terrible people on the internet have sent to her into one place to try and make anti-endos look like a hate group)

If you don’t do what she says, you are punished. If you post in tags she decided were theirs, you are punished. “Stepping out of line” is the phrase she chose to use.

[liketwoswansinbalance]

Let's say that trial by tale was invented before the twins became school masters and instead when Rhian and Rafal were students. (Assuming they were once students at the school). How do you think this would play out??

First, I'm operating with the assumption that Rhian is an Ever and Rafal is a Never.

I think their Trial would resemble Sophie and Agatha's, with Rafal acting as Rhian's (potentially unwanted) protector, if their relationship were in a decent place. I'd imagine their dynamic to be quite similar to the one in a fic I wrote, in which they are Reader students.

For instance, I could see Rhian not wanting to be the aggressor or be blamed for doing anything heinous as he would like to maintain his Good image. So, perhaps, he'd take cover somewhere in a thicket and try to ride the night out, but Rafal would ruin his plans, and drag him out, so they keep moving, constantly, as they're supposedly safer as a moving target, that can't be cornered or smoked out of one place.

At one point, maybe Rhian would, if he's alone at the start, settle amongst the Sleeping Willows, or magic poppies that are narcotic in some way (think of the land of Oz for context). And he wouldn't mind falling asleep because he knows killing is against the School rules, and that the Trial is just a game. So, he'd figure it would be no harm to just nap for a while. The chance to rest after running and working to find a secure hiding spot could help him keep his strength up because during normal waking hours, he suffers the effects of his insomnia, and if he's well-hidden, no one would disrupt his sleep. He'd probably just have to cast a ward to alert him as to when he needs to defend himself, and he probably would have lasted the entire night without painting a target on his back—if Rafal hadn't intervened.

Rafal, however, is on the offensive when he's alone at the start, and would probably take the exact opposite approach, meaning, he'd intentionally take out competitors, and not only those who'd cross his path, but he'd actively hunt down his fellow students. (His approved weapon, if Nevers were allowed to bring them into the arena, would likely be an axe, but he mainly relies on sorcery.)

By the time he catches up to Rhian, he's already seen a lot of action and wonders how Rhian has lasted this long alone in his typical dismissive fashion. Yet, Rhian is just as capable of blasting attackers away with sorcery—he's just less inclined to since he'd rather not hurt his classmates.

Of course, Rafal isn't happy that Rhian has been disguising himself like a coward, and tries to get Rhian to accompany him. So, Rhian follows Rafal as they trek through the weeds and often, off-path, so no one can follow their tracks, obscured by the fallen foliage and the dense undergrowth.

And by then, Rhian feels exasperated enough with his overzealous, obsessive brother to just let Rafal be his shield and proactively protect him from any danger, by attacking first, including by attacking Rhian's fellow Evers!

But Rhian decides not to bother, even if he knows his classmates will shame him over not keeping his "guard dog" on a leash. He'll deal with the consequences as they come later. He's exhausted, and his head's all woolly, and it's not as if the injuries Rafal inflicts are lethal, and it would take too much breath to argue with Rafal at this point over being reactive instead of proactive.

Though, Rafal had other plans in mind since the start. Near dawn, the brothers finally find themselves in range of a direct attack by one of Rafal's Evil classmates, and like always, Rafal shields Rhian, and disables their attacker.

Now, it's only the two of them left standing. Rhian thinks they'll share the glory, or that Rafal will let him win since he's Good and deserves to win, like in most tales. After all, why would Rafal have saved him all these other times?

Yet, in the end, Rafal betrays Rhian, and pulls out Rhian's handkerchief to send him back to the entrance of the Blue Forest, so he can claim victory for himself.

Rafal believes he's done Rhian a favor by having forced Rhian to go along with his plot, and leaving him with second rank. It's surely better than anything Rhian could've accomplished by himself, right?

Rhian is livid over Rafal's betrayal though, and vows never to speak to Rafal again. But Rhian's silence only lasts a couple weeks, and Rafal continues on his merry way to achieve the rank of Class Captain, while watching over Rhian from a distance. The not-talking doesn't actually affect Rafal because he knows Rhian well enough to know Rhian will reach out and make first contact, given their usual patterns. Rafal knows Rhian will wear himself down, and recognizes that he won't need to apologize or grovel before Rhian, so he just coolly bides his time.

Eventually, Rhian does give in first, exactly according to Rafal's prediction. Rhian seeks Rafal out for help one day for some small favor, and Rafal begrudgingly helps without bringing up their old quarrel, letting the issue drop and be forgotten. Plus, lately, Rhian has been ostracized by his Ever classmates over Rafal's poor sportsmanship. He's grown lonely and needs someone to talk to. Why not his brother, again? And what conduct should the Evers have expected from a Never? Rhian always mentally defends Rafal, and doesn't even realize he does it.

Neither speaks of the Trial incident after they've made up. They bury the past and let bygones be bygones—even if they're both still carrying around a little resentment for the other's existence in their souls. Though, ultimately, their relationship remains in a good spot, and the Storian has yet to write about them.

[dsireland86]

There is Beauty in the Pain Chapter 4 Pt.3 18+ below the cut

Tag list: @philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @theanarchymuse95 @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @fadingintothegrey @an0mallly @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12@sister-sebastian @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @missduffsblog @bngurngheart @thatamazingvampirestory

Folio: “That hit her pretty fast. Do you think she’s okay?” Noah brushed the hair out of Sophie’s face. He was holding her still body, as they sat on the floor where she fell waiting for the situation to calm down. Noah nodded and kissed the side of her. “She’ll be okay,” he affirmed, giving me a half smile. I knew she would be, but still, watching someone go through something so intense as a panic attack was crazy when you don’t fully understand it. I didn’t, but I knew Noah did. When the events happened with Sarah a few years back, I didn’t think he was going to pull through, yet here he was. So I guess he was right; Sophie would be okay.

“Will you go grab some chocolate? I think Jolly left a bar on the kitchen counter." "Sure. What for?" "It helps calm the brain cells and the blood pressure." “Alright,” I agreed, walking away in search of what he needed. My head was reeling with so many questions and wondering if and how Sophie was going to pull through this. My head and my heart were being pulled into two different directions at this point and I didn't know how to feel about any of it. “This should work,” I said, grabbing the chocolate bar Noah was talking about. I took it back, sighing with relief when I saw Sophie sitting on the couch. “Will this work?” handing the chocolate to Noah. Sophie’s eyes met mine and I was glad to see they were less strained with worry. I smiled at her and my heart fluttered when she softly smiled back and reached for my fingers, lightly caressing their tips. It was just enough to ease the tension in me. “I’m okay,” she assured me. I shook my head. “No you’re not, but that’s okay. Like I told you before, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here.” She knew what that meant, and by the smile that finally reached her eyes, I knew she believed me. 

Sophie: I hated myself. I should’ve had a much better grip on my anxiety. Perry was right when he said it would always make me weak. I cradled my head in my hands. Even though I felt a little better from the small bites from the chocolate Folio gave me, I still couldn’t shut my brain off. And I didn’t know how much worse it was about to get. 

Jolly handed me my phone and reluctantly I turned it on. The anticipation of knowing what I would find ate away at me, because like all the times before, I was sure Perry had called me or at least texted. He always did. He would apologize and later fill my apartment with flowers. It was nothing but a sick game that he loved to play. 

The missed call icon appeared at the top of my phone, standing out like a dark cloud on the sunniest day of the year, confirmed my fear. I thought I was prepared to face the truth, but I wasn’t, and the sudden feeling of falling ten thousand feet into nothing came over me like a tidal wave. Twenty-seven times he called me. Twenty-seven times he attempted to continue playing his sick, twisted game, but this time it was possible that I might have found the ending to it. But just the same, my eyes welled up with tears and I clenched my teeth together as I breathed slowly in and out through my nose to keep calm, refusing to let the anxiety take over me again. But I was weak, just like always, and eventually the demon took control. The phone fell out of my hands as Noah’s voice grew distant with the ringing in my ears growing louder. My demon had won again and was dragging back down to hell.

Noah: I was very familiar with anxiety attacks like the one Sophie experienced. Anxiety was a fucking demon that had no sympathy. It had the power to bring anyone to their knees and make them believe they weren’t worth saving That's what happened to me. The constant loop of reminding myself my thoughts weren’t facts and anxiety always lied to me grew exhausting as I was trying to be stronger than I felt. This is what I was seeing with Sophie. She was fighting a battle she was never going to win unless she had help. I wanted to be that help.

Sitting calmly in the aftermath, Sophie was putting on a good front out of habit. But inside the battle was still raging on, hiding inside her mind in an effort to regain some sense of stability. Folio brought over the chocolate, giving her a piece and I watched the way she gravitated towards him. I don’t know why but I felt jealous when she reached for his hand. The way they looked at each other and the things I heard Folio say to her made those voices in my head scream loud. Breathing in deeply, I remembered what my therapist said about jealousy; “It’s a form of hatred built upon your insecurity.” I had no reason to be jealous of Nick or feel insecure in any way. He was my friend, my brother. I trusted him with my life. I should trust him that he’d respect the feelings between me and Sophie, as he would mine. The connections we both shared with Sophie were very different, but yet the same; we both deeply cared for her.

Jolly handed over her phone and she unlocked it. But from the moment she did, I knew something was wrong. Her body stiffened and a tear fell, softly sliding down her cheek. “Sophie, what is it?" But I had lost her. The anxiety came faster and the panic attack hit her quicker than before. “Just breathe Sophie,” I encouraged her, rubbing her back as she rocked back and forth gasping in between desperate gasps. “Noah, this is bad,” Nicholas pointed out, picking up her phone just as teardrops hit his hands. He paused, taking a moment to stare at them. He slowly looked up at Sophie and his face softened in a way like I’d never seen. “Hey, Sophie, there’s a good girl,” he said, grinning. “Can you hear me enough to listen to me?” Sophie slowly nodded. Nicholas’ voice was soothing, slowly working a magic that I never knew he had. “You’re okay. You’re safe; you’re protected. You know that, don’t you?” She nodded quickly. “Good. Can you take my hands?” Sophie gave Nick her shaky hands, exhaling a quivering breath. Nick massaged the tops of her hands, rubbing small circles on the skin, as he continued talking to her, carrying her through the attack. I sat back in amazement, never knowing he had it in him. 

“See, everything is okay. What's on the phone doesn't matter. What does matter is in this room with you.” Jolly handed Nicholas some tissues which he used to dry off Sophie's face, smiling at her as he did. “You're strong Soph. You're not weak. You have to believe that you are to fully work through all of this mess.” Sophie nodded, blowing her nose. Now that she was done crying she turned her face towards me and my heart shattered. She looked exhausted, worn out still from everything. Whatever she saw on my face was enough to make her tear up again as she fell into my arms and curled herself up into me. “Noah, you should see this,” Nicholas insisted after picking up Sophie’s phone and checking to see what triggered her, and then handed it to me. “He called me twenty-seven times, Noah. Who does?” Sophie muttered against my chest. I tensed, checking the phone to see that she was right. “I don’t understand why he just doesn’t leave me alone. Why does he love torturing me so much?” She began to cry again so I just wrapped my arms around her and held her tight while she clung to me and cried. The vibration of her phone still in my hand startled me and I almost dropped it, but the sound made Sophie spring up off me as if I were a burning hot coal or something. Her face filled with fear. “Hey it’s okay,” I told her, rubbing her arm. “It’s okay. I’ll check it okay?” She nodded, relaxing a little, putting her pin in when I handed it to her. She quickly handed it back like it was burning her hand. 

The text message icon was in the top left corner. Sophie had two new messages. The phone vibrated again. Three new messages; with Perry’s name and number attached to all three. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw tight, reluctantly pulling the bar down and opening the messages. The first one was a picture of him and Sophie together. I cringed the moment I saw him with his hands all over her. Even though this was a past photo, it enraged me to see them together. The message read

“This was us, baby. And I miss us.”

I wanted to vomit. The second one was a picture of just Sophie. But instead of her sweet, pretty face, there were bruises, a black eye, and a busted up bloody lip. Groaning, I knew what had happened moments before this picture was taken. Her eyes were closed, but the outside around them was moist. I was glad they were closed. I didn’t want to see the pain and fear that I knew were lingering in them. Peering down at Sophie, she had nestled back into me, but was wide awake and staring into nothing. I went back to looking at the messages.  

“Do you remember this? I do. It was the night I promised I'd never hurt you again. I lied.”

The last message was too hard to read.

“I hope you understand that everything I've done to you, you've deserved. I hope you understand that there were so many times I showed you mercy and didn't discipline you like I should have. Sophie, all the harsh punishment you've ever received was because you disrespected me. I won't be disrespected and you will come to know this; no matter the cost. Come back to me, my love, come back and I'll do better. I love you. I still want you. No matter what you do.”

“Holy shit, motherfucker,” I cursed. “What?” Sophie sat up, wiping her face and drying her eyes I didn't want her to see the last message and thought about deleting it, but that wasn't going to protect her from anything. It would only be lying to her, and I wasn't going to lie to her. Sophie stared at me, waiting for me to answer. Instead I just handed her back the phone. As she was reading, I got up and went to the kitchen, needing something to drink. Folio followed me.

“How bad is it?” I filled a cup with fridge water and drank the entire thing. “That motherfucker deserves to burn in fucking hell for what he's done to her Nick. Not only did he hurt her physically, but he took pictures and sent them to her.” Folio hung his head, shaking it in disappointment. “Animal,” I railed, hitting the counter top with my fist. “And that's just half of it. He told her she deserves what he does to her; that it's because she is disrespectful to him and that’s what makes him do what he does to her. The man is fucking sick. He’s deranged!” I balled my hands into fists again and closed my eyes. Hoping the anger would pass, I rubbed my neck, rolling my head, from side to side, trying to work out the tension. “Hey, Sophie’s out there crying,” Jolly stopped himself after one look at me. “What’s wrong with you?” “Nothing,” I shook my head, instantly burying the rage inside me once I heard Jolly say Sophie’s name. “What’s going on with her?” Jolly stared at me, skeptically. “She’s crying and asking for you.”

I didn’t wait to hear anymore. I walked out of the kitchen only feeling angrier. “Sophie, what’s wrong?” “He sent another message; a video” She held up the phone for me to see and I snatched it out of her hand a little harder than I meant to. It was a graphic short clip of Perry fucking another woman and he was looking right at the camera as he did. I shifted my eyes to Sophie. Her head was buried in her arms, shoulders shaking from her quiet sobs. Seeing her that way triggered the rage I thought I’d buried. Raising my arm, I howled in anger, about to throw the phone against the wall. “Wow, hey, Noah, don’t!” Nicholas yelled, grabbing my arm just in time. “Dude, what the fuck,” he said, grabbing Sophie’s phone from my grasp. I was breathing heavily, trying to calm down. Sophie was watching me and she was in shock. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” running my hands through my hair and squatting down eye level with her. “I’m sorry, okay. It just pissed me off seeing that clip.” “Why?” Her forehead creased with confusion as if she really didn’t understand why I was so angry. “What do you mean why? He shouldn’t have sent it to you. It’s disgusting and a fucked up thing to to do to someone.” She shrugged, looking away. “I’m used to it.” “Yeah, well you shouldn’t be.” “But I am, Noah. I am; I have been for a long time. I have to be,” she snapped, glaring at me.

“Besides, he’s right. I do disrespect him; a lot.” “I’m sorry, what?” I wasn’t sure I heard her right. “I have been really disrespectful to him, Noah. I shouldn’t have set him off back at the apartment. He only came to apologize, but I was stubborn and hard headed. I didn’t hear him out. He deserved better.” Sophie hung her head, sniffling back the tears. “You’re fucking joking, right? Please, tell me you’re joking.” She slowly shook her head. “Just drop it, Noah okay. Forget about it.” I stood to my feet, looking over at Nicholas. “No. I’m not gonna drop it, Sophie.” Jolly and Folio joined us once they heard the commotion. “Is she for real right now,” I said to Nick, motioning to Sophie with my hands. “Why is she protecting a monster?” Her sudden behavior change was infuriating. 

“I’m not protecting a monster, Noah. I’m protecting myself,” Sophie yelled at me, jumping to her feet. “You will never be able to understand how I feel, how I’m afraid all of the time.” “Then make me understand, Sophie!” “I can’t. I don’t know how to,” she sniffed, wiping away the tears that were falling. I scoffed, turning my back to her. “I don’t understand how you can’t explain it to me.” Sophie growled in frustration. “Why are you so freaking impossible, Noah.” The room went silent as we all stood in a somewhat of a circle, staring between each other and the floor. “Look, Noah, I already told you to drop it; implying I don't want to talk about any of it anymore, yet you keep insisting.” “That’s because I fucking care about you, Sophie!” “Yeah, well I didn’t ask you to care, did I?” I winced, stung by the words that just fell from her lips. It felt like she had just slapped me across the face, it hurt that bad. I didn’t know how to react or what to say for fear of hurting her, so I just stood there, speechless.

“This isn’t about you, Noah. This is about me and my fucked up life that I’ve drug you and your friends into. None of you deserve this mess I’m in.” Sophie looked around at all of us, her tone and expression somber. The sadness I heard tore my heart. “I shouldn’t have gotten any of you involved in this. I’m sorry.” She lowered her head while taking a deep breath to try and compose herself before coming over to me. “Thank you for caring enough though,” she said softly, laying her forehead into my chest. I laid my hands gently over her neck and kissed her hair. “No one ever has because I have no one to care. My parents are both dead and I was their only child. Alex is the closest thing to family that I have, but he had his own life. That’s why Perry means so much even though he shouldn’t. He loves me in his own, fucked up, messed up way. And I need that love, Noah.” I pulled Sophie back to look at her. Hooking my finger under her chin, I raised her face and let my eyes wander over all the bruises of what she thought was love. I traced it lightly with my fingers, feeling the way she pushed into my touch, making my heart race.

“But that’s not love, Sophie; that’s abuse. He knew exactly what he was doing to you. He just didn’t give a fuck. His reasoning, his excuses, his words,” I paused as she finally look into my eyes, “his actions, none of it was love; just heavy fucking manipulation that you endured because you had no other choice. Now you do, and it’s in this room with you.” My voice was soft, but my face was stern. I needed her to really understand that I wasn’t about to bail out and abandon her. I was in this with her now; we all were. “He doesn’t have a clue how bad he fucked you up, Sophie, and even if he did, I don’t think he would care,” Folio added. “But we do,” Jolly confirmed, giving her a soft smile. Sophie’s emotional wall broke again and she fell into my chest crying. “He abandoned me, over and over again,” she cried, raising her fists to my chest. “He ignored me and hurt me, only to come back and tell me how much he loved me. I just wanted him to really love me, not fucking destroy me!” Her small firsts pounded into me, and even though it didn’t hurt, I could feel the angst, the hurt, the pain she was releasing. And I was more than willing to take it all if it meant she would feel better. “People don’t abandon people they love. People abandon people they’re using, Soph,” Nicholas affirmed her, caressing her hair. “I know. I know,” she agreed, raising her head and breathing deeply. “I just, I don’t know. I was just wishful thinking the whole time I guess.” She let out a little sarcastic laugh. 

Cupping her face in my hands, I gently dried her eyes with my thumbs, noticing the way the feeling made her wince, but she smiled anyway. "I don't have any answers for you," I began, shaking my head as hair fell over my eyes. Her small hand reached out and sweetly brushed it away, trailing her fingers down the side of my face as she did and I placed a small kiss on her wrist. "And I'm not going to lie to you and tell you everything's going to be okay because I don't know if it will be. You have a lot to deal with; you have a lot of choices to make."

Sophie's head fell, but I wasn't going to let her linger in her thoughts alone. I lifted her head with my finger under her chin to look into her eyes. "But you won't be doing it alone. Whatever happens, whatever you're going to face, I'll be, we’ll all be here to help you face it." The hesitation to not believe me was there; the apprehension was clearly visible. “Don’t play with me, Noah. I don’t trust easily.” I shook my head, giving her a soft smile. “I’m not playing with you, Sophie. I’m one hundred percent serious.” “When I tell you “I trust you”,” she stopped. Inhaling deeply, Sophie closed her eyes, then exhaled. “Please, don’t make me regret it, please don’t make me regret showing you my brokenness.” When she reopened her eyes, they were glistening with tears, but she refused to let any of them fall. I took a moment to allow her words to sink in. I understood what she was asking of me and I knew, in times, it would prove to be difficult. But I was willing to try. Sophie needed me to try. Since the day Sarah left me the way she did, I’d been looking for a reason to love someone the way I loved her. But I never found that reason; until now. That reason was standing in front of me, begging me to not give up on her. And I wasn’t about to.

Taking her face in between my hands I made her this promise; “If you promise to stay, I promise to never leave. I don’t want to fix you. I know I can’t heal you, but I can help you see how beautiful your brokenness is even if you don’t think so. Each little cracked piece fits into the masterpiece of who you’re becoming, but also who you are right now. And, right now, I see a beautiful soul; your soul, Sophie. I won’t make you regret trusting me if you won’t regret believing in me.” I thought I was going to feel pangs of regret saying those words, but I didn’t. Instead I felt the opposite. Sophie looked at me even more confused than before. “I know absolutely none of this makes any sense, but that’s okay. It doesn’t have to. Just trust me when I say I won’t hurt you, okay?” She nodded then fell into me, curling herself into my arms. I was becoming aware of how often she did this and I was growing to deeply love each time she did. I held her close to me, putting aside my own fears and worries for the time being. I could deal with my shit later. Right now, my goal was to help Sophie get better, and I knew I wasn’t alone. 

He leaned against the wall with his arms folded over his chest and his eyes fixed on me and Sophie. I’d known him long enough to know that he didn’t fall easily or get hooked by a girl simply because he thought she was pretty. No, when he was interested, he was all in; no matter the cost, no matter the pain that would come if rejected, no matter if he gave her all of his heart only to have it shattered. I saw the way he looked at her; like she was the best thing to walk into his life. I knew exactly how Folio was feeling; because I felt the exact same way.

CHAPTER 5 PT.1

[the-delta-42]

Firsts Part 7

[First] [Previous] [Next]

Firsts Part 7

Valentines

“Nervous?” Sophie looked at Lilly, who was leaning against the doorframe.

“Kinda,” Shrugged Sophie, “I mean, Ericson’s has been…isolated for so long, I’m not sure how to get ready for it.”

“Just be glad you don’t have a permanent GPS tracking you.” Grumbled Minerva, walking past with a pair of screwdrivers.

“You and Violet got those after that truck incident.” Lilly reminded her, “Why’d you try and hotwire a truck anyway?”

Minerva didn’t give a clear answer, mumbling how movies made it look easy.

/*/

Louis scowled, listening to his father talking to that Carol woman, he refused to call her mom, he ignored his father when he said Louis was to blame for her leaving. He would put up with Sophia, but she mostly ignored him, and he refused to call Henry his brother.

“Hey, asshole,” Louis looked up at Sophia, “get up, the bus is here.”

/*/

Marlon grimaced as he saw his new school mates walking through the snow. He saw a girl wearing a disgusting hat shoving snow down the back of a tall guy’s shirt. Glancing back in the bus, he noted that most of the Ericson’s students were at the back of the bus.

“How long before we’re running the place?” Asked Mitch, looking over Marlon’s head.

“A week.”

A snort in front of them drew their attention.

“Ooh,” Winced a guy, “I can’t wait to see when you meet Clementine.”

F

“That blonde one looks more like a guy than you do.” Whispered Becca, leaning towards Duck.

Clementine covered her snort with a cough, she glanced at Gill, who’s mouth was screwed shut.

“Do you think Sarah and Gabe are enjoying playing tour guide?” Asked Clementine, as she saw Sarah’s face go slack, before the Latina took off her glasses, crossed her arms and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Ooh, someone’s said something stupid.”

Sarah walked over to them, her half of the new students following her, “I think there’s going to be a problem.”

“Oh?” Clementine straightened up, “Why?”

“One of them,” Sarah pointed at the group, “thinks there’s a murderer on the loose.”

“That’s stupid.” Scoffed Clementine, glancing around, “I would’ve noticed the competition.”

One of the students squeaked, before falling over in a dead faint. They kept their composure for the grand total of ten seconds, before Clementine, Becca, Duck and Gill we doubled over laughing.

“S-s-s-sor-r-ry-y-yy.” Laughed Clementine, gasping, “I couldn’t resist.”

The blonde that Becca had been talking to Duck about scowled, “You’re a bitch.”

Clementine ignored her, laughing as she walked away.

In History, Omid had them pair off with their new classmates and, just Clementine’s luck, she was stuck with the blonde that called her a bitch.

“Okay!” Omid clapped his hands together, “So, let’s start off with something easy.”

Clementine and the blonde, Violet, glared at each other.

“What ships were lost in the attack on Pearl Harbour in December 1941?”

/*/

Omid looked over the groups, Clementine and Violet were hunched over their sheet of paper, as Clementine screwed up their spare sheet into a ball, ready to throw it.

“1774 not 1747.” Whispered Clementine, pointing at an answer, “And the Civil War started in 1861.”

“Right.” Violet scribbled the information down.

Across the room, Minerva and Gill argued, “What do you mean you don’t know? What do you do in this class?”

“I sleep.” Muttered Gill, “Clem’s usually the one telling us to stay awake.”

Duck and Louis were arguing who got to write, while Sarah silently moaned as Mitch started playing with lighter fluid.

“Do you have to play with that?”

“Yes.”

The sound of someone being slapped drew everyone’s attention. Becca suddenly standing up drew Clementine’s attention, as Marlon rubbed his face.

“Everything okay?” Asked Clementine, getting up.

“It’s nothing.” Dismissed Marlon, prompting Clementine to walk over.

“That wasn’t directed at you.”

Marlon glared at her, as Omid cleared his throat, “Everyone back to their seats.” He fixed Clementine with a look, “Now.”

Giving Marlon a piercing look, Clementine walked back to her desk, while Becca sat back down, glaring at Marlon.

“What’s rat-head’s name?” Asked Clementine, getting a snort from Violet.

“Marlon.” Violet glanced at him, “He’s got a bit of a vindictive streak.”

“Oh, really?”

F

“What did you do?” Asked Minerva, frowning at Marlon.

“I just touched her arm.” Shrugged Marlon, as Mitch scoffed.

“Well,” Everyone looked at Louis, ���When that girl with the hat,”

“Clementine.” Violet supplied.

“Clementine, got up, Duck started to get up as well.”

“Now that you mention it, I think I saw Gill and Sarah do the same thing.” Said Sophie, “And I’m sure I heard Gabe get up as well.”

“That’s a near miss.” The group looked at a black girl with dreads, “You’re lucky Mr Saul intervened when he did.”

“What do you mean?” Asked Minerva, glaring at the girl.

“Look, I told Gabe on his first day here,” The girl dropped into a seat, “if one of them gets into a fight, they all get into a fight. Sure, some of them just tussle, but Clementine? She knows how to fight. She once broke a footballer’s jaw, and that’s not going on her dead eye.”

“Dead eye?” Minerva crossed her arms.

“She once shot a coyote from the roof of a log cabin on school grounds, with a handgun.”

Marlon scoffed, “There’s no way she has a gun, she obviously lied to you.”

“I saw her shoot the coyote.” Countered the girl, “You’d be surprised terrifying Clementine can be.”

As she finished, three staff members ran past them.

“Ooh, this’ll be good.” The girl ran after the adults, with Marlon’s group following after her.

Entering a courtyard, they saw Clementine pummelling Justin, while her friends brawled with other students. A second later, Clementine was tackled by Alex, and she rolled a couple of feet, before she brought her knee up and slammed it against their head, before she twisted their arm until it let out a sickening crack.

By that point, Duck and Gabe had dealt with their respective opponents, as the grounds keeper grabbed Clementine and hoisted her off the ground. Her legs flailed, kicking Alex in the face.

After the fight was broken up, Clementine and her friends were escorted to the principal, while Alex, Justin and their friends were taken to the nurse.

“Whoa.” Whistled Louis, “That’s so cool.”

“They’ll be in detention for the next few weeks.” Said the girl, “But, that’s why you don’t fuck with Clem’s group.”

Marlon scowled, while Louis looked a little too interested.

“So, is she single?” Louis shrugged as everyone gave him an incredulous look.

“Nope, that guy in the beanie,” the girl leaned against a wall, “he’s her boyfriend.”

Louis looked a little put out, while Sophie had a mixed look on her face.

F

“Okay,” Marlon paced around the front room of the residential house they’d been put in, “What are we going to do?”

“What do you mean?” Asked Aasim, looking up from his book.

“They attacked Justin.” Argued Marlon, “We can’t let this slide.”

“Oh no,” Said Violet, sarcastically, “Justin tried to grope someone, and they beat his ass.”

“Clementine did break Alex’s arm.” Said Ruby, from her place by the window, “It does seem a bit harsh.”

“But Alex did tackle her.” Said Violet, her arms crossed, “I’m more inclined to listen to Michelle.”

“So,” Marlon glared at her, “we’re just gonna let this slide?”

“Um, yeah,” Stated Violet, “look, you can do whatever bullshit you want, but I’m ‘this’ close to getting a clean enough record that I can get rid of this.” Violet gestured to the ankle bracelet on her leg.

Marlon huffed, trying to think up how he was going to even the score.

F

“How have we moved on from shovelling shit,” Grunted Gill, as he carried a tyre, “to this?”

“Maybe they’re training us to replace Daryl.” Quipped Duck, as he slid out from under the car.

“Guys,” Clementine looked down at them, “that’s Daryl’s car, we’re working on it, so we can clear this, like we were told to.”

“Yeah, but you’ve got the easy job.” Countered Gill, getting an eyeroll from Clemetine.

“How good’s your aim?”

“Okay, point taken.” Conceded Gill, as Clementine went back looking at the wood line.

Sarah, Gabe and Becca returned with Daryl, as Clementine looked on from her place on the cabin’s roof.

“Do you live out here?” Asked Becca, glancing at Daryl.

“As good as.” Grunted the man, as a loud pop was heard from the roof, “Coyote?”

“I think it was a Mountain Lion.” Answered Clementine, “How come you get to keep my gun, but I can’t?”

“Do I really need to answer that?” Retorted Daryl, getting a huff from Clementine, “Get down here, I don’t think we’ll have any more visitors.”

Clementine hung down from the gutter, before slowly climbing down the side of the cabin.

“So, what caused the fight this time?” Asked Daryl, as Clementine joined them.

“Some perv tried to rip Sarah’s shirt off.” Said Becca, as the Latina flushed.

“I’m surprised you left him alive.” Remarked Daryl, as Duck got out from under the car.

“We’ve already got community service shit,” Dismissed Duck, “fortunately the school’s dealt with the more serious stuff.”

“Oh,” Everyone looked at Clementine, “the school’s hosting a party in the middle of March.”

“How do you know that?” Asked Sarah, frowning.

“Why do you know that?” Pressed Duck, also frowning at her.

“It was on Crawford’s desk.” Answered Clementine, “Do none of you use your eyes?”

“I mean,” Gill laughed, “Sarah does have to pay to see.”

Sarah gave him a flat look, “I have at least a hundred years’ worth of responses to that, all of them from before the civil rights movement.”

“See,” Exclaimed Gill, dramatically, “I am blessed with perfect vision, so she stoops to racist threats!”

Daryl cleared his throat, making all of them go silent, “We’re gonna be clearing one of the fields.”

“Why?” Asked Becca, frowning.

“Because of that damn party.” Answered Daryl, “The sooner we get this fixed, the sooner we can get started.”

“Is the field on school grounds?” Asked Sarah, getting a nod from Daryl, “We were told to clear here.”

“Yeah,” Daryl looked at her, “but you’re gonna be working there anyway.”

Duck toppled over when a Knut on the wheel gave way, “Why can’t we use power tools again?”

“Because Crawford hates us?” Snarked Clementine, frowning as she saw something move.

“Clem,” Said Daryl, stiffening, “d’ya still have your gun?”

Clementine nodded, aiming at the piece of brush that was shaking. After a tense few seconds, a rabbit popped out of the foliage. Sighing, Clementine lowered the gun, carefully disengaging it.

“Am I the only one who thought that mountain lion was gonna jump out?” Asked Duck, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Stay here.” Said Daryl, walking towards the bushes.

“He does know he can shit in the cabin, right?” Asked Becca, after a moment.

Clementine frowned, before slowly following Daryl, before the man returned, scowling at something.

“What was it?” Asked Clementine, making Daryl pause.

“Footprints.” Answered Daryl, “Someone was watchin’ us.”

“Do you think it was Chuck?” Asked Gabe, sliding the jack under the car, “He’s not been in his usual places.”

“Then, why did he run?” Asked Duck, as Clementine handed her gun back to Daryl.

“Maybe the gunshot startled him.” Suggested Sarah, as Gill rolled a tyre towards Duck and Gabe.

“He barely acknowledged a car exploding a foot away from him.” Dismissed Clementine, “A gunshot wouldn’t do shit.”

“Maybe,” Duck grunted as he twisted the nuts on the wheel, “it was one of those new guys.”

“They’re cleaning the gym.” Said Daryl, “Normally, they’d be with you, but since they’re new, they didn’t want them to get lost.”

Clementine frowned, before walking over to Duck, “I thought it was righty-tightie and lefty-loosie.”

Duck paused, before twisting in the opposite direction, “I need to get more sleep.”

F

“That was surprisingly easy.” Said Becca, looking over the clean field, “That didn’t take long at all.”

Clementine hummed, before looking at Gabe and jerking her head, “We’ll see you guys later.”

“Where’re you guys going?” Frowned Gill, as Duck helped Daryl load the tools into the car.

Clementine and Gabe glanced at each other, before Clementine answered, “On a date.”

“It’s valentine’s day.” Said Gabe, “Didn’t you guys know?”

“Kyle and I broke up.” Shrugged Gill.

“I’m not seeing anyone.” Answered Sarah.

“Duck and I are going to see that new horror movie.” Said Becca, getting everyone’s attention, “What?”

“It’s not a date.” Called Duck, “We’re going as friends.”

“And there’s a couples discount on food.” Supplied Becca, as Clementine bit the inside of her cheek.

“Just,” Clementine started to laugh, “just remember to use protection.”

Clementine had to dodge the clump of snow Duck threw at her, before she and Gabe took off running.

F

Clementine and Gabe slowed to a stop, both laughing.

“Ooh,” Laughed Clementine, leaning against a fence, “That was fun.”

“Yeah.” Gabe’s chuckles slowly stopped, “Ready?”

Clementine glanced up at the skate rink where she and Gabe had their first date, “Did I every tell you about the first time I went to one of these places?”

“No, I don’t think you did.” Answered Gabe, as they went through the door.

“I was taken by my babysitter,” Started Clementine, “her name was Molly…”

The pair continued their date, going into the rink.

Meanwhile, back at the school, Marlon smirked to himself when he found the file he’d been looking for.

[always-outlander]

Outlander 7x05 Easter Eggs and Spoilers - “Singapore”

Spoilers below the cut!

Singapore is the name of this episode, and it opens with goats on a cliff face. This is in reference to the Highlander’s whom fight for the British, we later find out. The title is a direct reference to the battle of Singapore and the attack of the Japanese, which Claire describes to Jamie as a parallel with the impending attack on the fort, which informs his actions for the episode.

Lallybroch

Gem and Mandy are playing in a graveyard, as Mandy wanted to talk to Jamie. Jemmy tells Bree that Jamie told him to leave him a stone and built him a cairn if he ever came to Lallybroch. I try very hard to tolerate Sophie’s acting but she’s so wooden at times. Other times she’s fine (mainly in the more emotional scenes) but her line delivery is quite hard to swallow sometimes. She has changed her pronounciation of ‘Da’ like 4 times now, and that’s hard for me to ignore.

Roger and Bree read another letter from Jamie and Claire. The letter is dated June 18, 1777, which is our ONLY way of knowing the timeline and how much time has passed between episodes. In it, Claire writes that Jamie continues to dream about the children and Bree reveals she’s been to the fort before with Frank. Her and Roger decide not to look at the history books and find out what happened there.

Before Bree heads to work, these two have another attempt at a romantic scene that doesn’t quite land (a hard hat in bed and his hands down her pants just made me uncomfortable). These two try but they just don’t have it!!!! And I think Richard Rankin could if he wasn’t opposite Sophie, as he is a great actor.

Jemmy gets off the bus from school and Roger follows him into his hide out (which I think is referenced in the books as a place Fergus used to play). Roger tries to talk to him about it and Jemmy says he got in trouble at school for defending their family in Gaelic. This child actor playing Jemmy is so great!!! He’s doing such a good job!

Ticonderoga

They have now been there for months, and Jamie once again organically finds himself leading men, this time they refer to themselves as ‘Fraser’s Irregulars.’ Claire is practicing medicine under Lieutenant Stactoe, and the fort is under the command of Saint Clair. We also meet General Formoy (who is mirroring the ignorance of the Bonny Prince). Ian has reunited with them as well.

Sugarloaf hill is mentioned as a point the English can attack from. For those unfamiliar with the location of Fort Ticonderoga, it sits on the edge of the New York and Vermont boarders, along a narrow portion of Lake Champlain. The fort is surrounded by water on three sides, and as of now it doesn’t look like there is a Sugarloaf hill near the site. There’s a sugarloaf ski mountain in Maine, though!

Jamie has a dejavuex moment with Formoy when he uses his knowledge to advice against an attack and is found denied and insulted, akin to a goat for being Scottish (like the episode preview implies). Jamie is once again being sidelined and watching history repeat itself with the ignorance of leaders like Formoy and the Bonnie Prince (and simultaneously history is…happening? But where they know the outcome, could you consider that history repeating itself?).

Denzel Hunter and Claire finally meet towards the end of the episode and the two of them help a man named Walter Woodcock together. It’s the dream team finally united! They successfully opperate on Mr. Woodcock and amputate his leg, but only after Denny so kindly recognizes Claire’s struggle to be taken seriously and back door allows for her to help him.

The Hunters and William

Denzel makes a comment about attending medical school in London via a distant relative after their parents died. Their mother died in childbirth having Rachel, and their father died a few years later in a flood having drown. The Quakers who took them in made that connection for Denzel when they learned of a shared last name Hunter, so this scene hammers home the importance of their Meeting (and reminds us that they are now kicked out).

William and Denzel debate over morals and how Denzel can be within his beliefs while practicing medicine. They come upon a man on the road who offers them a place to stay for the night and they are fed a disgusting meal of rat stew. William is shown the realities of the war and he and Rachel speak outside. In the few short scenes they’ve had you can tell William has a crush on her, which is exactly how the books describe their relationship from Williams internal monologue.

While sleeping, the Johnsons attempt to attack William, Denny and Rachel with knives and William is able to show his strength and skills as a fighter. Charles is such a great casting, as he is every bit the young man described in the book and his size and strength is akin to Jamie’s. The Johnson’s have evidently done this many times before so to steal from un expecting visitors.

William feels guilt over taking that man’s life and tells Rachel that he’d never killed anyone before. This scene you can see Jamie’s heart come through in him. He has a flurry of feelings about it that he cannot sort through and worries that Rachel might think less of him due to her beliefs but she reassures him she knows him well enough to know he did it to save them.

When they part William tells them to ask for his uncle should they run into trouble. He gives them the money from Ian and keeps the rosary beads. When Rachel watches him leave with fond eyes Denny reminds her that he is a British soldier, and violence follows men like that. There’s a sweet scene between the siblings where Denny gives Rachel an out, but she insists they stay together.

Loch Errochry

The Land Rover Bree and her boss drive around in is a dream, I want one. The setting is also stunning, having driven through the highlands last year it’s still so hard to believe that country looks like that. Bree meets her new male employees including Rob Cameron (!!!). He immediately locks her into the tunnel like a jackass and Bree discovers the light they gave her has no batteries. She quickly lights a match and finds some lights and proceeds to inspect the tunnel. I’d be clostrophobic down there and it feels like something out of a nightmare watching her walk through the tunnels.

She hears buzzing halfway down and a weird blue light at the end that she has to walk through (the graphics are strange but hey, hard to depict what was written) and it leads her to her escape. It’s implied that somewhere in the tunnel may be a portal for time travel.

Bree tells the kids at dinner about being trapped in the tunnel and how she escaped but you can tell she’s still unsettled by the event. Her and Roger step away from the table to discuss it. She’s worried the men are never going to respect her and Roger reminds her Claire did it at Harvard. A bit of a turn around from him being slightly sexist last episode about her working in general.

While in the office they uncover a hidden drawer in the desk and he gifts her a pen. Doesn’t undo his comments from last episode but that’s just me, and his insistence on her wearing knickers and a hard hat needs to stahhhhhp.

Bree heads to the bar where the men and Rob Cameron are hanging out and tries to awkwardly earn their respect. They all try and play it off as a joke and she tries to insert her dominance. Sophie also can’t say the word “anything” without a Scottish accent.

Young Ian

Joseph Brant of the Mohawk is at Shadow Lake and Ian is recruited to deliver a letter to him. Ian is reluctant because of personal reasons. He asks Claire how baby’s come to be and why he was unable to get his Mohawk wife pregnant. His belief is that his spirit was not strong enough and fears he cannot get a woman pregnant again and would refuse to take another wife. He tells Claire that Jamie told him about sperm and asks her to look at his (had to laugh). When asked, Ian tells her Iseabell was perfect and not deformed, but Claire has a Frank conversation to help Ian understand that it’s not a matter of his spirit but science and gives him renewed hope he may be able to have a child with another woman one day.

When he arrives at the Mohawk camp he sees Emily, who is happy to see him. She tells him she now has two children and is happy. Ian seems to finally be at peace with that, and asks to meet her son (who does not look Mohawk). He tells Ian that Emily’s mother tells him he’s the child of his spirit. Ian gives him the name Ian James and I’m sat here smiling like a fool over how cute that scene was.

Simon Fraser

One of the few scenes we get with Claire and a Jamie this episode, Jamie tells Claire that a Simon Fraser is one of Burgoyne brigadiers on the side of the British. Book readers will know that he is a ticket home to Scotland for them later on, and Jamie tells her it is not the same Simon Fraser she met in season 2 but not the old fox or his son but one of Jamie’s second cousins from Balnain (located outside of Inverness, not far from Loch Ness). It is also now understood that with their troops low on supplies they will need to attack the fort sooner than later. Jamie knows that a Fraser in the camp, the troops will know well enough to attack from higher ground as Highlanders do.

Jamie brings Formoy and the men to higher ground to show them that it is possible to the English can reach them by cannon, and once again finds himself standing across an incompetent soldier (with a terrible accent). These scenes are so short and choppy, and for that I dislike them. It’s not enough time with Jamie (or Claire for that matter) before we are abruptly switched over to another character. The atmosphere of them walking around at the Fort was palpable in the books, and we are missing it so far in the show sadly.

Later on the British set up shop in the exact place Jamie warned of, and Jamie uses his knowledge how Highlander warfare to help lead an evacuation by boat. Claire won’t allow Walter Woodcock to leave the fort because his injury is still too fresh, and sadly has to leave him. She tells him due to his injury the British will have to show him mercy, but also gives him laudanum. I was surprised she didn’t outright show him how to use it if he needed to drift off to sleep. The civilians are all put into boats in the lake and the fort is abandoned. The next sequence of events in the books is fairly action packed so I’m curious how they go about it all next episode.

Ian and Rachel

When Ian returns to the fort, he spots Rachel. A critique I have of this season is that they make the traveling seem so fast, and it’s incredibly hard to keep track of time passed. Ian was just in Virginia, now he’s suddenly back in New York. That said, these two have great chemistry without even trying, and Ian let’s Rachel know Claire is his aunt. It’s implied they will be seeing much more of one another, thankfully. I think the actors have done a great job of establishing the differences between Rachel and Ian and Rachel and William - Izzy plays Rachel differently around Ian and it’s great work on her part.

In the End

Roger goes out into the dark to search for the Nucklavee and we see a camera angle from across the yard watching the front door of the house. I suspect next episode we will actually set eyes on Buck for the first time.

The episode ends when Bree goes to the graveyard to talk to Jamie and brings him a stone. She tells him about her new job, buying Lallybroch, etc. and it fades to black (a weak ending and my least favorite thus far). Nothing happens this episode action wise, and it was mainly an episode used for establishing upcoming plot. The pacing is getting really bad in that such large expanses of tiem are not being explained. How in one episode did Jamie have two conversations about Sugarloaf Hill and the British Invasion, and The Hunters / William Travel by Horse to New York from Virginia, Ian leave camp to go see Emily and return…it’s so many moving parts and it’s not clear how they all make sense. Even having read the books I’m getting confused with how they are choosing to speed things up.

I will say this until I’m blue in the face, but this show works best when Claire and Jamie are together and on screen, and every time I dislike an episode it’s in large part due to a lack of them. That can be said with this episode, but I’m optimistic we will see much more of them next episode thanks for the preview.

Episode 6 Preview

Preview for episode 6 shows what looks to be an action filled attack on the Fort - we see Jamie attacking British soldiers, William in a red coat again, Roger running into the yard angrily, and Ian and Rachel getting closer. Lots of good things that I hope we get proper screen time to dissect.

[winterfireice]

Chapter 3!

taglist: @tiana4evahh @doodle-do-wop @amandayetagain

Full chapter under cut

“There is no reason that you should have more cologne than I do perfume,” Biana says to her brother Fitz,  

“It’s not my fault I like to smell nice,” he responds,

Sophie and the rest of her friends were hanging out at Havenfield after a particularly long day at school. Keefe and Fitz had gotten to hear about the lecture regarding safety precautions in case of a Neverseen attack on the school even though, one, the majority of the Neverseen were in a top security prison, two, all of them had more than enough experience dealing with and attacks and of course three, Fitz and Keefe had already graduated. That hadn't stopped their friends from talking about it for over half an hour though,

“How did we get to this topic again?” Marella asks, 

“I don’t know, we went from school, to dessert, to their cosmetics apparently,” Sophie responds,

“That cake in the cafeteria today was delicious though, I hope they have it tomorrow,” Dex mentions,

“When has our school ever had two edible sides in a row?” Stina asks from next to Dex, lying on one of the colorful blankets Sophie had found inside the house,

“Good point, we're never seeing that cake again until the rest of us graduate,” Dex sighs dramatically and falls to the ground, but when he does he brushes against Stina, his cheeks bursting with red hues.

Sophie also noticed the way Stina brushed her hair in front of her face but left the hand that was resting against Dex’s leg, 

“Do you see what I see?” Sophie transmits to Keefe,

“I do! It is taking everything in me not to start screaming,” Keefe’s mind squeals after he lightly nods to Sophie so she can enter his mind, “They are so adorable, they need to confess already,” 

“Is it possible we are too excited about their so far non-existent relationship?” Sophie asks hesitantly,

Keefe’s mind hesitated for a moment, “Maybe, but do we have to deal with that?” 

“Not yet, this is way too much fun. It’s like watching a TV show,” 

“So are we all going to ignore the Sokeefest happening right now?” Marella asks while twirling Linh’s silver hair around her fingers, “they both are staring off into the distance like none of us are here and I have known you telepaths long enough to know that means they are having a conversion none of us can hear,”

“Plus Keefe is starting to look like a tomato and only looks that way when he’s trying to keep something a secret,” Biana adds,

“Nope, nuh-uh. No secrets here just good old friend time,” Keefe says super unconvincingly as he swings an arm around Sophie and rests his head against her shoulder,

“Yeah, that was super believable bud,” Fitz laughs, “And that looks super comfortable, not like your straining your neck at all,” 

“Yup, really comfy. Fos-Boss isn't too close to the ground or anything,” Keefe mumbles,

 Sophie laughs at the feeling of his breath blowing against her skin “You’re tickling me! And you’re going to be in pain later, we should switch,” she gently pushes him off of her side and rests against him. She brings her hand up to his stomach and tickles him in return, making his body thrash,

“You two were made for each other,” Stina says in a tone Sophie can't tell is complimentary or not,

“Thank you?” She responds, “At least I think,” 

“Hey sometimes two people just work well together and there is nothing you can do about it,” Keefe grins in Stina and Dex’s direction, causing Dex to blush even more,

“I want that one day,” Dex almost whispers, 

“I have to say something, I can’t hide how amazing they would be together,” Keefe’s mind almost shouts,

“Don’t you dare,” Sophie tells him, “This is way too important and if we push them they will never admit it, especially Stina we need to let them figure it out on their own. Remember how long it took us to get together? Every time someone teased us about our possible feelings it pushed me farther and farther away from accepting it,” 

“You’re right, I know. But they better figure out their feelings soon because I need to be able to obsess over them because they are perfect for each other,” 

“If you keep it together for a couple of more hours I’ll ask my mom to bake something,” Sophie bribes,

“I know what you’re doing and it’s working,” Keefe playfully sighs,

“Hello, earth to either of you,” manicured hands wave in front of their faces, “What are you guys thinking about?” Biana says,

“Dessert,” Both Keefe and Sophie say at the same time, causing the rest of their friends to laugh,

~~~

“Edaline is the best,” Keefe says while stuffing Custerbursts into his mouth,

Sophie had kept her word and after everyone had gone home she asked her mom to make Custerbursts. Edaline quickly agreed and the three of them started trying to bake them, it mostly went well except for Sophie spilling hot water over her arm and Keefe spilling a bag of flour,

Now they were lying on her bed eating and discussing what Elvin foods tasted like human ones, 

“The purple root thing tastes just like cheeseburgers, ugh I miss cheeseburgers I know we stuff that tastes the same but I miss the textures the Forbbiden cities have,” Sophie says,

“Makes sense, I had the opposite feeling when I lived there, it must be nostalgia or something,” Keefe says as lushberry juice drips down his chin, 

 Sophie nods,  “You need a napkin love, you are going to get juice everywhere,”  

“Better?” Keefe asks after he wipes his mouth,

“You still have some on your nose Love,” Sophie tells him, grabbing a napkin and wiping it off herself,

Keefe takes advantage of Sophie leaning towards him and surprises her by wrapping his arms around her and tickling her until she is laughing so much she falls back onto her pillows,

“Ok stop, stop!” Sophie giggles, 

“That is payback for earlier by the way,” Keefe laughs and he lays beside her, 

“That was overkill Keefe,” Sophie says, “I think you just wanted an excuse to lay down,”

“How could you accuse me of such crimes?” Keefe says sarcastically,

“Because,” the rest of Sophie’s sentence gets interrupted by her imparter ringing suddenly next to her,

“Je crois que je meurs” Stina’s voice comes through the screen,

“You're not dying, breathe and then talk. What's going on?” Sophie responds, staying in French,

“Are you sure that you're not going to use this against me in the future,” Stina asks skeptically,

“I will not use it against you maliciously but one day if this conversation becomes funny I will jokingly make fun of you like friends do, is that ok?” 

“Fine, I guess you’re my best option right now,” Stina sighs, “After we all started to leave your place almost everyone had leaped away but Dex and I, and the wind was blowing my hair everywhere so I was complaining and you want to know what he said?” Stina says like she’s mad at him, “He said, he thought it looked really nice like that,”

“And were angry about that?” Sophie asks, causing Keefe to chuckle,

“Yeah isn't that a compliment?” Keefe asks also in French,

“Wait, he can understand me?” Stina asks confused,

“You didn't know he was here? Sorry, I thought you could see him,” Sophie apologizes,

“No I could see him but he speaks French?”

“Of course I do,” He shifts a little so he is more in the frame of the imparters camera

“What do you mean by of course?” 

“Stina,” Sophie says confused, “You know he’s a polyglot too right?” 

Sophie watches realization dawn on her face, “I need to stop forgetting polygots exist,” 

“Yeah, why does this keep happening to you?” Sophie asks her, “This is the second time,”

“I don’t know! Maybe because me and my family learn languages like normal people instead of just knowing everything,” 

“Wait until you find out we both have photographic memories too,” Keefe teases,

“Shut up, this isn't why I called. You two really double how annoying you are when you guys are together,” 

Sophie cuts Stina off, “Ok go back to what you were talking about, if you want I can kick Keefe out but go back to Dex,” 

“No I guess it’s fine he already knows at this point,” Stina grumbles, “The hair thing was mostly it, I just want to know what he meant by it. You people are all so sickeningly positive all the time even when you’re in the middle of dying that I don’t know if he meant it in a friendly or… in a not just friendly way,” 

“It's impressive how you can insult and compliment us in the same sentence,” Sophie starts, “Do you want what Dex said to be in a friendly way?

“I don't know! Clearly I am out of my depth here Sophie. He probably meant nothing by it and I should ignore it and bury myself under one of the stables until everyone forgets about it,” Stina seems to throw her head into a pillow next to her and Sophie tries to muffle a laugh which only makes it come out as a loud snort,

“Reminder that we can’t forget, with our whole photographic memories,” Keefe mentions,

“Ok, I’m reconsidering your offer to kick him out,” Stina says deadpanned, “Better yet, I’m going to go,”

“You sure? I feel like I didn't help much,” Sophie responds,

“I don’t need advice or anything I think at this point I’m too stubborn for that but thanks for listening,” Stina tells her, “You should go back to your annoying boyfriend,” 

“Aww thanks, Hexie, since you are already impressed by my stunning personality I should tell you I’m on team ‘tell him you're falling for him’,” Keefe peeps up,

Stina makes a face at his comment like she’s disgusted by the implication, “I don’t fall, good night you two,” with that she clicks away leaving Sophie and Keefe alone in her room again,

“I don’t care what she says, she’s falling,” Keefe says switching back to the enlighted language, his arms still lying over Sophie, he snuggles closer moving his face to the crook of his neck,

A buzzing comes from Kefes pocket and he groans in annoyance, 

“Doesn't everyone know it’s snuggle and sleep time?” Keefe mumbles, as he does the bare minimum of moving to answer his imparter,

“Oh it’s Dex,” Keefe seems to perk up only slightly,

“Hi, are you with Sophie?” Dex asks,

“No I just have a really realistic life-sized pillow of her,” Keefe says,

“Don’t mind him, he gets cranky when he’s sleepy,” Sophie laughs, “What’s up?” 

“Well… did Keefe already tell you what I was talking to him about earlier?” 

“Kind of,” Sophie pauses, “I more guessed,” 

“How did you possibly do that?” Dex questions,

“It doesn't matter, I’m assuming you're calling about Stina,” 

“Yeah I am, something happened today when we were leaving your place,”

“Oh really?” Keefe says, his tone slightly elevated for a reason only Sophie knows,

“I told her that her hair was pretty, I’m freaking out because she got really quiet and then made some excuse to go home,” Dex sighs, “I feel like I’m messing it all up, I just want her to like me,” he wines, causing Keefe to laugh and disguise it as a cough, 

“I’m sure it will be fine Mickey Mouse,” Keefe says including the nickname that hasn't gone away since Sophie told him what human Disney was,

“But what if I ruin our friendship and then she never wants to see me again?” Dex continues, “That would be awful,” Dex is looking past the camera lost in thought,

“You should talk to her Dex,” Sophie hints, “It may turn out better than you expect,” 

“She’s right, I mean she usually is but yeah you should tell her,” Keefe mumbles,

“Wow he really is tired,” Dex says as Keefe yawns,

“Yeah, I should probably let you go before he starts snoring,” Sophie only half-jokes,

“Good plan, I’ll see you tomorrow at the team meeting,” 

“Good night, oh, and Dex? You really should talk to Stina,” at Sophie’s comment Dex only shakes his head before hanging up,

“They’re oblivious,” Keefe says with his eyes closed,

“So were we and look at us now,” Sophie whispers, to the blonde boy in her arms,

“Fair point,” Keefe whispers back, “Can we sleep now? You’re too comfy not to fall asleep on,” 

“Of course love,” Sophie reaches to turn off the light and settles into bed falling asleep next to the oblivious idiot that stole her heart,

[modern-day-bard]

Worth The Feeling

Content Warning: 18+

This story includes explicit smut, intimidation, and an age gap relationship (MC is 26, Javi is in his 40s). Minors, do not interact.

Chapter 5:

"Anna, you should have seen the size of my cheeks!" Emma gushes, much to the makeup artist's dismay. "I mean seriously, I was so swollen and I couldn't even swallow. Who knew they put mustard in wasabi?" Sophie, the makeup artist, and I exchange a knowing look.

"Well I'm glad you're alright Emma. It's good to have you back. Now do you have any questions on the directions I got from Naomi? She should be on the set with you both today but Lloyd wants to roll directly into shooting."

"Oh I got it. Look for the tape on the floor, hands on chest, hit the desk, yada yada yada. This one is easy. Fade-to-blacks are way less intense," Emma waves her hand dismissively.

Yeah, way less intense. When Emma is all set in hair and makeup, I escort her to the soundstage before making myself as scarce as possible. I've been in the room during an intimate scene once before, and I don't remember most of it. I was too busy making a mental to-do list. But something about seeing Emma in the same position I had been in yesterday makes me feel uneasy. I radio Dwayne to see where else I can make myself useful.

"You're all good, Ava. They're going to break after for lunch so you may as well hang tight there so you can run errands for Lloyd if he needs anything." I clench my jaw hearing his response.

"Copy. Thanks, Dwayne." I try not to sound as irritated as I feel. I simply don't want to watch this.

"Hey babes," Lana appears next to me, giving my arm a gentle squeeze.

Obviously I called her last night to debrief. She was busy laying sound mats on the ground in another part of the studio during yesterday's escapades, otherwise I wouldn't have heard the end of it. As if my own thoughts last night weren't enough to keep me awake. I actually still hadn't Googled him, but I could tell he was older than me. Definitely more experienced than I was. And, I mean, he's a movie star. Granted I might not have recognized him, but still. I was starting to feel like I was back in school, crushing on the popular boy who didn't know I existed. I didn't like that feeling then, and I detested it now.

I told Lana all the details, knowing that she would have tortured them out of me one way or another. But as giddy as she had been last night hearing everything, I could tell she knew I didn't want to be here right now.

"Hey," I give her a small smile. "Everyone mic'd up and ready to go?" I feel like talking about work-related issues will make this weird feeling go away.

"They're ready," She leans in a little closer, "But are you?"

"I'm fine. These things are always awkward, you know?"

Lana gives me a look that lets me know she isn't buying my nonchalant act.

"Quiet on set!" Lloyd yells at the top of his lungs. Not exactly necessary, but definitely a very Lloyd thing to do. "Places!" Javi positions himself in the doorframe, just like yesterday. Only now his hands are on Emma's back. Her bare back, as I now realize just how short her backless dress is.

"Aaaand, roll camera. Action!"

I feel my body tense up. I think any sane person would look away, but this feels like a car wreck created purposefully to toy with my early on-set jealousy, and I can't look anywhere but that fake hotel room.

But then, my jealousy is put on the back-burner when I see Javi truly devour Emma. I'm shocked she can even stay standing. His hands are everywhere, not just on her back like they were with me yesterday. He's kissing her everywhere, too. Her neck, eyelids, forehead, and the way he attacks her lips... I feel as though I can't breathe. When he backs her up against the wall, Emma remembers to arch her back like I instructed, but now Javi slips his thigh in between her legs. Something he didn't do yesterday, I can feel a heat beginning to pool in my belly, trickling its way toward my–

"Hot damn, he's good." Lana whispers next to me. I blink rapidly, as if trying to wake up to the present moment. All I can do is nod.

"More noise, both of you!" Lloyd barks. As soon as he does, Javi lets out a groan that makes my knees weak.

The pair make their way to the desk, wreaking the same amount of havoc on my emotions and libido before moving their way to the bed.

"Tell me you missed me." Javi demands of Emma, beginning to crawl over her. His expression is just as serious as yesterday, and his vocal register is dangerously low.

Holy. God. I didn't read the pages for today's scene, and I'm not even sure if that was improv or not.

"I missed you," Emma whines as Javi hovers over her. He kisses her lips lightly before dragging one of his large hands down her torso.

"The problem, my darling, is I don't quite believe you," Javi kisses her neck before speaking directly in her ear, "You're going to have to tell me again. Louder this time."

Javi slips his hand in between her legs and Emma arches her back off the bed, sighing.

"Cut!" Lloyd yells, causing me to take several much-needed deep breaths.

"Good job you two. Reset, we're going to do another take. This time, more noise from the beginning."

I cannot watch that again. The mixture of jealousy and heat in my stomach is too much to bear.

"Lana, I need to go on a walk." I whisper.

"You can't. The red light is on, you're not supposed to–"

"I know," I say, already heading toward the door. I go out the side entrance, ignoring the dirty looks of at least five crew members. I know that it might be dramatic, but I hate how envious I am of Emma's position. It's ridiculous. How long have I known this man? A couple of weeks? We made a few jokes, stood close together for a few minutes and now I'm jealous of his co-star? I really do need to walk this off.

- - -

I'm on my fourth loop around the wardrobe trailer when Dwayne, the Key-PA, radios my walkie.

"Ava, we need you back to soundstage one."

"Copy. What for?" I really hope they are almost done by now.

"Gutierrez asked for an escort again. We're about to break for lunch."

Dammit. "Copy. On my way back."

I enter the building, and to my pleasant surprise, they're not in the middle of taping. Javi, Naomi, and Emma are chatting in the middle of the set.

"Alright folks, that's lunch." Lloyd announces.

I take that as my cue to jog up to the stage.

"Oh, Anna! Thanks for the tips. It made taping a breeze." Emma says, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

I smile at her. "I'm glad I could help Emm–"

"Her name is Ava. Not Anna." Javi said, glancing Emma's way.

"Oh," Emma looks surprised, "I didn't realize, sorry Anna. A-Ava."

"Ready for lunch?" Javi asks me, stepping away from Naomi and Emma. We're walking off the stage before I can reply.

"How are you?" Javi asks, holding the door for me to step out into the bright light. The mundane question catches me off guard.

"I'm alright, thanks. How are you?"

"I saw you disappear for a bit. I wasn't sure if you were feeling well. You looked sort of..." he trails off.

When did he even have a chance to see me leave?

"Oh, no I just had some other stuff to do around set. I can get a lot done when you all are taping."

"Ahh." Javi nods, but his expression doesn't seem fully convinced. "Didn't care to watch the end of the scene, huh?" He definitely wasn't convinced. I'm not the one with the acting chops.

"No, I just already know how it ends," I point out, "Though I didn't know the lines. That took me by surprise."

I probably shouldn't have said that. I'm not sure if it in any way implied how I had been feeling.

"What did you think?" We're almost at his trailer now, but his tone seemed genuinely interested in my feedback.

"It was...convincing." That seemed like the right choice of words. I think.

"Mmm." He muses. "It didn't feel as convincing as I wanted it to."

"How so?" I can't help but ask.

"It's difficult to explain. Sometimes it's simply the chemistry. It doesn't pan out the way you want it to."

"The chemistry seemed pretty palpable to me." Ouch, my tone was a lot harsher than I intended.

We've arrived at his trailer, and instead of walking up the steps, he just turns and looks at me for a long moment. I try not to fidget. He looks as though he's deliberating something.

"Sometimes the chemistry is stronger with someone else," he glances down at my lips, "it makes it difficult to feel successful during the takes with the new partner."

I gulp. Is he implying what I think he is implying? Or am I so warped from these newfound feelings that I'm orchestrating this in my head? Best to err on the side of caution.

"Can you let me know if your food has arrived? If not, I can grab something from crafty for you."

Javi takes a step back, looking at me with a new curiosity. He looks like he's going to say something, but he just walks up the steps to his trailer and peaks inside.

"Yes, it's here," he pauses before continuing, "I actually ordered two this time. I was hoping to keep my fries to myself." He smirks.

"Oh. You wanted me to eat with you again?"

He shrugs. "I told you. I like the company. If you have other things to do though, don't let me keep you."

We haven't eaten together since I escorted him back to his trailer almost two weeks ago. I haven't even been asked to escort him since then. I have too many thoughts running around in my head, and being in his presence is only complicating things.

"That's kind of you, but I do have work to do. I'm sorry." The fact that I did actually have work I could be doing made this lie a lot easier to sell.

His face falls, and I regret my decision immediately.

"Give us a call if you need an escort back to the soundstage, though. I'd be happy to walk you." I smile, hoping to soften the blow.

To my surprise, Javi takes the three steps back down from the trailer until he is standing in front of me again. Looming in front of me is more like it.

"Have dinner with me then," he says quietly, "Please."

"What?" My bewilderment must be as present on my face as it is in my words.

Javi smiles. "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, Ava. If you say no, everything will continue as usual. But I would like to take you to dinner, if you're interested."

I blink a few times, trying to find my bearings. It becomes obvious, very quickly, that I do want to have dinner with him. At the same time, I don't actually know if that's something that would be frowned upon. But despite all of the thoughts circulating around my head, and despite the nervous knot in my stomach, I simply look up at him and say,

"Yes. I'm interested."

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

[pencil-peach]

G Witch Onscreen Text: Episode 12

And so, we have reached part 13 in my attempt to transcribe and discuss the text that appears on monitors and screens in G Witch (and talk about stuff I think is cool)

This is the Episode 12, the season 1 finale: "Keep Marching on Instead of Running Off."

<< Click Here to go back to Episode 11

Oh, but you'll have to change before you can join me under the cut.

You have to wear a normal spacesuit while reading this post...

Like episode 11, this episode is actually very light on text, (for obvious reasons..) so I'll also spend some more time discussing little things in the episode I think are interesting.

The text on the panel for the EV (Elevator) reads C BLOCK No. C - 6 The EV is arriving shortly.

It also has 3 symbols on the bottom, with one crossed out. It's hard to know what they mean, but my best guess is: - Communication (Which is currently unusable due to the attack) - Multi-Directional (As in, isn't a one way elevator, can go back and forth) - Capacity (In this case, multiple people can use it at once.)

Also, in this scene, Miorine talks about "opening the bulkhead from the control center." What she means is she wants to find the control center so she can open the giant wall that separated her and Suletta. The first thing that both girls thought of doing when they were separated was rescuing the other.

Also, also, the fact that C Block still has some semblance of power despite having been fully disconnected from the rest of the plant must mean that every individual block must have some sort of reserve power system in case something like this happens. I wonder how expensive this place was to build....

I really like the scene where we see Sophie activate Permet Score 4, because I think they put so much focus on it in order to put a lot of things we've seen earlier into perspective.

Up until now, we've only seen 3 characters (other than Eri but she doesn't count) activate Permet Score 4: Nadim in the prologue, El4n in episode 6, and now Sophie.

I think the first thing we can see when we compare these instances is how, broadly, Gundam Pilots have generally been made to become more resilient to Permet in the 21 years since Vanadis.

As far as we can tell, Nadim was probably one of the most skilled Gundam Pilots at Vanadis. (Other than Eri but she's like. cheating.)

Even acknowledging that he hadn't piloted a Gundam in some time (He says as much when he first activates Permet 3), he's still incredibly adept at controlling GUND Bits and nearly singlehandedly holds off the attack by Cathedra. (Thought Wendy's efforts must also definitely be acknowledged.)

When Wendy starts suffering from Permet exposure, Nadim tells her that she can't raise her score any higher

We never see or hear exactly which score she's at, but her Gundam is deactivated by the Antidote, which only works up to Score 3. So she's either at 2 - 3, and she's clearly suffering its effects harder than Nadim, who's also at 3 at this point.

But despite Nadim's clear adeptness at Piloting the Lfrith and his much stronger resilience to Permet, when he activates Score 4, he dies nigh instantly. He doesn't survive longer than a minute.

When Gundams had first been developed, Score 3 was considered the absolute limit, both in terms of what a human could bear and what Gundam tech could handle.

We can see this reflected on the Lfrith itself. When first launched, and up to Score 3, Lfrith's body appears completely normal.

But when he activates Score 4, its entire body glows bright red as opposed to just its GUND components. A sign that its bearing a load it can't handle.

And when Nadim finally dies, we can see its body is also horribly scarred with Permet Burns.

Sophie's Permet 4 scene is a showcase of how Gundam Tech has evolved in the 21 years since Vanadis.

When Sophie activates Permet 4, she's pushing up against the human limit. Her heart is pounding so fast and so hard we can hear it over the music. She says she can't breathe and might even throw up, and unlike El4n, she's not an Enhanced Person. She's entirely unaugmented, but unlike Nadim, she lives.

Gundam Pilots have become more resilient since Vanadis, but also of note is that they've also gotten younger. We don't know the ages of Nadim, Wendy, and Elnora, but they're all clearly adults. In fact, we only ever see Adults piloting Gundams in the prologue. When Prospera realizes Eri reached Layer 33, she's horrified, and I wouldn't be surprised in part because a child piloting a Gundam is just something that had never been done before.

But now, Gundams are piloted almost EXCLUSIVELY by young people. Younger people are raised and trained and experimented on at earlier and earlier ages because it seems that, for some reason, they are just better at being able to handle them.

The tech has also improved much since then. Whenever Lfrith Ur reaches score 4, that device on its shoulder unfurls and activates, and retracts when it goes back under. the Ur and Thorn were built off of the pre-production Lfrith models, and in order to get around its Score limitations, they just added an extra Permet Processing unit to its back to bear the extra load.

El4n is a special case, and his reaction to Score 4 in comparison to Nadim and Sophie stands as a testament to the effectiveness of Bel's Artificial Nervous System. At Score 4, El4n acts more like he's under the symptoms an unenhanced person would experience at Score 3.

All that suffering just to reduce the permet load by 1. How sad.

Anyway, the EMERGENCY EXIT Suletta uses is labaled as an EVACUATION PASSAGE.

It also has the same 3 symbols as on the elevator. If we try and apply the same labeling method as I used on the elevator, then.. -Communication (Offline) -Direction - One Way -Capacity - 1 person. The direction and Capacity make sense, but the communication is a little dubious? Maybe that symbol designates if it leads to an exit or something....

Normally, when Miorine refers to her dad, she calls him "Kusoyaji," which is a portmanteau of "Kuso" (a general swear word usually meaning 'damn' or 'shit'), and "oyaji" (which is a word for father) Calling him a terrible dad, but in this scene after he protects her and she sees that he's critically wounded, she shouts "Otou-san!" instead, which is a more common/respectful word to use for your father. This is localized into English as having Miorine usually call him a "Lousy Father," or something similar, but in this scene she just calls him "Dad"

We also learn a little more about Notrette in this scene, as when Delling tells Miorine to choose the best option of survival and leave him, he says it's what Notrette would do, and that they'd both decided at some point that if anything happened, one of them had to survive in order to raise her.

It's not much, but it seems that Notrette was a very logically minded person, who always looked toward the future in her decisions. I wouldn't doubt that Delling tried to save her, but left without her at her own insistence.

Sometimes I feel as though this scene is paralleling that incident in a way we can't know, and Miorine managing to save Delling here implies that if Delling had tried and not ran away, he could have saved Notrette. But that's just speculation on my part.

There's no real way to prove this, (other than the fact that their voices sound similar) but I've always believed that the closeup of this DOF member we see when they enter the plant is the same DOF member that Suletta kills at the end of the episode.

When Vim launches in the Dilanza Sol, he comments that he worked his way up the corporate ladder by "personally claiming his rivals' heads." It's most assuredly a figure of speech, but um, well.

Like father like son.

When Guel launches in the Desultor, he tries to communicate to the Dilanza Sol, but remember, the comms are jammed, so it returns an error.

After the deed has been done, the network begins reactivating, and we see NETWORK ONLINE appear on Guel's monitor.

This is our first sign that the DOF are starting to run out of time.

I think a lot about this scene. Maybe not in the way you're supposed to think about it though. I just can't shake this idea that Prospera intentionally waited for one of the soldiers to be right in front of Suletta before killing them. She and Godoy had been standing there the whole time, on both sides of the hall. Surely there were better times to have attacked them than when they were right in front of Suletta.

Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit but wouldn't it make sense? She needs Suletta to be okay with the idea of killing someone. Wouldn't seeing her mother do it in order to save her life be perfect for that? Prospera barely comforts her afterward either. She immediately explains to her that if she hadn't done it, Suletta might have been killed, and that fighting can save everyone.

And of course, it's obvious, but I just love the symbolism in this shot. It's so good. Suletta stepping out of the darkness and crossing the line, led by her mother's blinding light, onto the bloody path. It's so good. Such a good fucking scene. Grrggrhgrh

The music that plays during this fight between Suletta and Sophie is titled AERIAL REBUILD

If you haven't already, you should give it a listen. It's genuinely one of my favorite tracks in the entire OST, top 3 at least, and we don't hear much of it in this scene.

During their duel, Sophie calls Aerial REBUILD's face "scary" and says she "liked her better before."

Aerial is no longer pretending to be a machine made for silly school duels, that line has been crossed, and its true purpose is beginning to be revealed.

The truly terrifying thing about REBUILD's GUND Bit Cannon is that we never see it at full capacity. In fact, this one time we see it, it's at its WEAKEST strength. All mobile suits used in Asticassia have a regulation program installed that limits the energy output of their beam weapons. (With this restriction, all energy weapons only produce green colored beams.) Despite being off Asticassia for months now, Aerial NEVER had that program uninstalled, so its Beam Weapons are still at their lowest output. And, Despite That, the beam produced by this cannon is...

This Powerful. It's so powerful, that when Aerial uses it, you can see it have to activate its back thrusters to counteract the recoil.

It's SO powerful, that it completely melts the legs of a Desultor who just happened to GRAZE it ever so slightly.

Not to talk about future episodes here, but I actually cannot stress that it is genuinely a miracle that Miorine forcefully shut Aerial down in this moment in episode 17.

Because, and I mean this with zero exaggeration, Suletta would have ERASED GUEL and SPLIT THE SCHOOL IN HALF if she released the charge on this god damn canon.

Lord In Heaven, Prospera.

TEXT: SUBJECT: Business Correspondence FROM: Peil Technologies To: ELAN CERES HIGHEST PRIORITY

An attack has been made on Plant Quetta by the terrorist orginization 'Dawn of Fold' 2 unidentified MS using GUND FORMAT were confirmed. We will contact you later with further instructions.

This is the email 5lan receives from Peil after the DOF leave. They got that information quick, huh? I wonder how... We also see that he only ever receives Business Correspondence emails from Peil and Course Schedule updates from Asticassia in his inbox. He doesn't have any friends.

And with that, we have completed Ep 12, the entirety of Season 1! Wow...what a ride it has been thus far...

Thank you for coming on this journey with me...!

Whatever happens next, we'll face it together, won't we?

Episode 13. >>

Masterpost.

[kotlc-deleted-scenes]

Keeper Summer Week #12

Deleted Scene from Flashback 

I cut this scene because the Healing Center sequence was such a huge chunk of the book that I needed to limit it to the most essential moments. I had to cut anything where Sophie wasn't learning something significant or making progress on her recovery. And since this was neither of those, it had to go.

—Shannon

“Okay—enough chitchat,” Ro said, marching over to Elwin's office. "I was promised ooze!" 

"Yeah, let the Great Fitzphie Ooze Fest begin!" Keefe commanded, pumping his fist. 

"It's going to be a few more minutes," Elwin warned them. "I'm still finishing up one of the poultices." 

"Is there gross stuff in it?" Ro asked hopefully. 

"Some of the worst I've ever seen," Elwin agreed. 

Keefe smirked at Fitz and Sophie. "Excellent." 

"But hurry it up!" Ro added as she paced around the room. 

The third time she passed Sophie's cot, she paused to ask, "Are you aware of your hair situation?" 

"Situation?" Sophie repeated. 

"Disaster zone' might be more appropriate," Ro warned as she pulled a compact from the back of her breastplate and held the mirror up to show Sophie. 

Sophie blinked. "Oh wow." 

She wasn't sure how hair could stick out in so many different directions and also be plastered to her head. And the more she tried to pull it into a ponytail, the more it rebelled. 

"Okay, now it's getting pathetic," Ro said, smacking Sophie's hand away and taking over. "You can all thank me later." 

"Uh, what is happening right now?" Keefe asked. 

"I'm helping your girl look less like a newborn yeti." She used her claws like a comb, trailing them gently across Sophie's skull. "Worried I'm going to shred the skin off your scalp?" she asked when Sophie flinched. "I could, you know." 

"I'm sure you could," Sophie agreed. 

Just like she was sure that Ro could crush her head like a grape. "It's weird, isn't it?" Ro asked, separating Sophie's hair into sections. 

"This truce between our species? I mean, if someone had told me last year that I'd get this close to an elf and not want to rip out their throat—especially one of the little brats who attacked our capital city- I'd have broken every bone in their body. But here I am: styling elf-y hair in Sparkle Town. And the weirdest thing is—I don't totally hate it. I mean, I could do without all the glitter—and the perfumy smell. But the drama and obliviousness make it pretty entertaining." 

"Obliviousness?" Sophie asked. 

"The fact that you need me to spell it out for you kinda proves my point. But don't worry: Someday you'll figure it out—and then things will get very interesting. In the meantime—behold!"

She held up the mirror again, revealing the two messy buns she'd twisted Sophie's hair into—which was a little Princess Leia meets Minnie Mouse, if Sophie was honest. 

Ro sighed. "Clearly you need to start seeing yourself the way others do. Check out the staring boys if you don't believe me." 

She pointed to Fitz and Keefe, who were indeed staring. 

"What?" Sophie asked, heat creeping up her neck. 

Fitz blinked. "You look… different in a good way." 

"Dude, is that the best you can do?" Keefe asked. 

"I don't see you doing any better," Fitz argued. 

"Oh, I could. But I'm trying not to make you look bad. And can we be done with the makeovers? I came here for ooze! Come on, Elwin—you're killing me!" 

"One more minute," Elwin called back. "Still finishing up the new poultice."

[jpitha]

We Need a Ride 3

Part 2 is back here Part 1 is over here

*****

The Abyssal Plains popped back into existence much closer to the colony Spruces than it was just a moment ago, but it still wasn't in orbit or the atmosphere.

"What happened?" Cereni asked. "Why aren't we in orbit or headed down?"

"I have a hunch," Abyssal said. "I think that we're about to be attacked. I stopped short and will jump two more times in quick succession to try and avoid any orbital attacks, where I'm weakest. Even if you don't have trouble with wormholes, this will be...unpleasant." Abyssal said, not unkindly. "You should buckle up."

Cereni and Sophie tightened their restraints on the chairs on the command deck while Chloe sat imperiously in the command chair, not buckled in.

"Chloe, we are all chained to physics." Abyssal said "Please wear your restraints. I'd hate to see all that work I did making you a control rig shattered against the floor."

Chloe stopped for just a moment, opened her mouth like she was going to say something, thought better of it, and silently put on her seat restraints. "Once we get down things are going to go fast Cereni. That is when I'll need you. I'll need you to direct the vehicles that come in and get them loaded onto the ship safely. Abyssal can help with balance, but I need your eye to get them all in. Just tell me what number and where, and I'll make sure they get there."

Cereni sputtered "Wait! I mean, I have trained as a loadmaster, but I've never loaded a dropship...and I don't know what's going aboard and who is with it...we don't even have a manifest!"

Chloe replied, softer. "I know you can do it, that's why I asked you to come. Just tell me what goes where and I'll make sure it gets there. Here." She handed Cereni a headset, set up for K'laxi ears. It also had the Wideband antennas, but on hers, they were pointed down and spread out. "Abyssal has a platform that can fold out right above the bay, you stand there and just direct traffic."

Chloe then turned to Sophie "I'll need you to help Abyssal with ECM. They'll be busy with flying and loading and point defense, so you'll need to run the countermeasure suite. It's the same as on most human warships, just older." She handed her a headset as well. This one had the bunny ear antennas pointing up like hers, but also had a cable that ended in a socket and had a band that looked like it wrapped around her head.

"This is a very special thing. It will give you a limited ability to control Abyssal's ECM suite directly. I had hoped that you'd have a chance to practice with it before we dropped, but I agree with Abyssal. This feels like a trap. Just put it on, plug into the panel over there, and Abyssal and I will be able to feel you and assist if you need it. Give it a try.

Cautiously, silently, Sophie took the headset and put it on. Immediately it formed against the back of her skull, fitting tightly. She felt a tingle as it connected, and suddenly felt...hollow. Like she as standing at the end of a massive hallway. The antenna's ears started to move with her. "It feels weird." was all she could manage. Her words echoed in her mind when she said it.

"Plug in, that'll help." Abyssal said.

She plugged it in.

Suddenly, the Abyssal Plains was standing next to her in her minds eye. "Welcome to...er...me." They said. "Don't mind the mess, it's only been me in here for a couple thousand years, but it's cozy enough. Can you feel the ECM suite? I've only given you access to that, so you shouldn't be able to do anything to hurt anything."

Sophie relaxed her mind and felt the hallway change. In her mind, it became more like a...cozy room? Like a well lived in bedroom. She felt the idea of blankets and empty coffee mugs and books half read and warmth and coziness. Over in there corner her mind perceived something that felt like an ancient human laptop. As she approached it, she realized this was the ECM suite.

She looked up to Abyssal. She looked out to the command deck.

She looked over to Chloe who was watching her. She looked over to Abyssal who was watching her. "This feels really weird" She said to Abyssal. "This feels really weird" She said to Chloe.

Abyssal smiled sadly. "I know hon. I'm sorry. There's a reason why we don't normally connect humans to us. We tried a long time ago, and what you're experiencing happened to nearly all of them. Worse things too. Since it's not a hardwired connection you...will probably be fine."

"Abyssal...what happened to the humans who were hardwired?" Sophie was wondering why there was jacks for connections like this at all on the command deck. She realized now that Abyssal had done this before.

Abyssal sighed sadly "Most of them died. Infection got a bunch, but many died from the sensory overload. There's a reason that everyone says brain/computer interfaces are a dead end. They work, but the cost is...too high. Chloe said this would be safe and is necessary. I have a feeling she thinks something bad is waiting for us."

"But what do you think?" Sophie said. You have the jacks, you've done this before haven't you?"

In the mindspace of the connection Abyssal had tears in their eyes as they looked at Sophie. "Yes hon. I've done this before. Once, a long long long time ago, I had a whole cybernetic crew. Most of them survived eight drops or less before they were overcome."

"But Chloe sad you had over 600 drops without a fatality!"

"614 drops and not one fatality...among the soldiers we were dropping or picking up."

"What did you sign me up for?" She said to Chloe. "What did you sign me up for?" She said to Abyssal.

In the mindspace, Chloe appeared next to them, tall and ethereal and glowing. "You said you trusted me." she said to Sophie

"Trust me a little more."

Part 4

[tounderstandthesoul]

Chapter 13: Down In Darkness

It's finally time to move on, leave Playcare behind you and continue in the direction of the Gas Production zone. You'll get there by following the instructions, even if there's a bit of stress between a pair of critters.

---

This is the edited note. Here I am again! After a few weeks, here's finally a new update for you! After all, this is one of my absolute favorite stories. Have fun reading, and feel free to read the endnotes! Have fun reading!

---

Youve always felt alone. Your Whole Life.

For as long as you can remember. People always approached you for a reason, never voluntarily. Scientists for the experiments, other children from Playcare who hurled insults at you or made fun of your scars.

It's not as if you chose it. You just don't know if you like it or if you're used to it, but one thing was clear: being lonely does things to you. You've always Felt like shit, bitter and angry all the Time.

Until you've Snaped.

It was predictable, it had to happen at some point. All the experiments, the bullying from the other children and your steadily deteriorating mental state. It had built up, from the trembling of your legs to the headaches you couldn't stand anymore.

You couldn't take it all anymore, either you were locked up in the cold all-white lab rooms like a wild animal in a cage. Or you were in Playcare, an outsider that nobody wanted to sit next to, nobody wanted to eat and nobody wanted to play with. Both possibilities tore at your psyche and left you helplessly crying yourself to sleep every day, if you got any.

But now you were here, with the Smilling Critters and this woman called Sophie. You were already outside, on the Playcare lawn next to the big platform with the statues. The atmosphere was...well. While you and DogDay waited together the whole time, walking out of the large common bedroom of Home Sweet Home, the others looked on quizzically. But DogDay didn't seem to care at first, she helped you fill your little bag with a few things and walked off with you.

"So, are you all ready?"

To be honest, you're not. You couldn't sleep that night, you're really hungry and scared. Yesterday, when you and DogDay... kissed, the moment was incredibly beautiful. You can't stop thinking about it, but then you always think about afterwards: Your look at 1188, the giant monster version of CatNap.

The hungry white eyes that stared at you from afar, the feeling that this lust for murder would only make you fall over from the feeling of death. At that moment, you and DogDay were the prey and CatNap was the hunter who had already spotted you and was about to catch you.

But he didn't, as far as you know, I hadn't even seen DogDay. It would have been so easy to just attack from the darkness and put an end to you both. Cut you to pieces with his claws and feed them to the Ruined Critters.

And now you were standing here again, your gaze unable to move from the distance, it was as if the CatNap version was still standing there. But CatNap wasn't the only problem, because there are two of them. And the second CatNap, the female one, gives you a strange look out of the corner of her eye all the time that awakens a strange feeling in you.

Why...Why is she looking at me like that? Have I done something wrong?

But when you feel DogDay's warm paw on your hand, you stop thinking. You just keep walking with her, with the whole group, but hardly any of them notice you. Your feet, now wearing shoes, miss the cool grass. Your lungs feel as if they belong to you for the first time, the air flows through your body and makes your icy breath appear as a small cloud from the corner of your mouth.

"So, do you have it?"

"What, the battery?"

"Yes, that's the one."

"Na Klaro"

You turn to the side, behind you Bubba and Sophie are talking to each other. While Bubba only has a backpack on, Sophie is carrying a blue battery that even glows slightly. The other Smilling Critters were also behind you, so behind you and DogDay, but they didn't look too happy to be here.

Of course, they are not here by choice, in this place, or as you understood from their explanation, in this dimension. Sophie also said that she remembers that DogDay and CatNap were boys, at least male characters in Cartoon and also as overseers here in Playcare.

You like DogDay, her sunny way of just smiling even in the worst situation no matter how bad it is. Her warm presence, the way she touches you and makes you feel like you're not everything.  Everything about her was just perfect.

And what were you?

Filth. Absolute scum. A little boy whose ribs are visible because he's starved. An experiment that helps people escape, then allegedly lies to them and nearly kills himself. No, that doesn't sum it up well enough. After you came through the Cavern, into the Playhouse, you almost killed yourself. But what happened instead? Someone else had to suffer because of you.

The two little Ruined Critters that look like Hoppy and Kickin. They may have served CatNap and the prototype, but I don't think even they deserved what you did. Completely at the end of your pointless life, you took out your frustration, your fear and your hunger, which is no different from the other experiments, on them. You didn't eat them, but you turned them into a bunch of incapable abominations with your Soul Transfiguration.

And now, as if nothing had happened, you walk with the other Smilling Critters in the direction of the Gas Production Zone. The Red Flower Door is already in sight and you are almost there, but behind you the voices of some critters slowly reach your ears.

"Yo Nap' Whatcha Looking At?" Kickin shouts, hands clasped behind the back of his head. With big, dramatic steps, he moves next to Hoppy and looks into the distance.

You turn directly around, trying to look as neutrally as possible at CatNap. Your eyes don't even make it far before they meet her obsidian colored ones, she stares at you.

"What do you care?" CatNap answers back quietly, still with her eyes on you. The others gasp slightly, DogDay squeezes your hand a little harder but doesn't move.

What did she just say?

"Wow! Wow, now take it easy...Are you on your period?"

"Kickin!"

"Dude!"

The others gasp along, even if you don't really understand what Kickin just said, you know it's bad enough to get a reaction like that from the others. But no one really moves, well at least until CatNap suddenly moves with a big step in Kickin's face.

"What's your fucking problem?" CatNap shouts this time, with a straight line up she faces him directly, both of them being the same height.

"Kickin calm down! And CatNap: Language!"

"Take it easy! Did you and that Weirdo get confused in the dark or what?"

The situation is becoming increasingly tense, even though you are already close to the Gas Production Zone. DogDay and you don't move, while the other critters slowly form a kind of circle with Kickin and CatNap in the middle.

"What's your problem?" Says CatNap again, this time a little louder.

"You're the one who said that! As that one!" With that, Kickin suddenly points at you, his wings forming something like an index finger and moving directly towards your head. "You've been acting all weird since you were alone there!"

"You beat him up! And now you say Weird?" CatNap replies immediately, this time shouting very loudly.

"I think we need to do something..." You look to your left, it was DogDay. She had a tight grip on your hand, while her eyes are completely dedicated to the situation behind you.

"Now calm down, everyone"

With that, it stops. Sophie stands in the middle of the circle, puts her hands in front of CatNap and Kickin and doesn't let them move a bit.

"We all have the same destination here, eat the same food and are about to arrive, so what's the point?" She shouts, stands up straight and looks at the whole group like children who have just messed up.

Nobody answers.

"Come on, excuse yourselves."

They don't move, both are still staring at each other like animals fighting for prey. In contrast to just now, Kickin stands even a little taller, stares down at CatNap and doesn't say a word. He also makes a noise along the lines "Tsk".

CatNap doesn't return the gesture; she simply turns around and pushes her way along the critters in the circle. After a few steps, she stops and looks into the distance.

"Ugh...teenagers."

Mr

After the incident and the incredibly unpleasant situation that ensued, you have finally arrived. The huge metal room with the gigantic machines and the giant glass containers with the red smoke: The Gas Production Zone.

While Sophie talks to someone on the phone, you all wait leaning against a metal box. With you and DogDay in the middle and CatNap and Kickin at the complete opposite ends of the line. No one is talking and all eyes are on Sophie as she tries to do something with the big blue glowing battery.

"I'm going to go help Sophie...best not do any nonsense...And watch out." With that statement, Bubba abruptly stands up straight. This actually startles you slightly, causing DogDay's grip on your hand to tighten. He walks over to her and stops, and it looks like neither of you understand the instructions on the phone.

"Sooooo Y/N, right?"

You turn towards the noise, to the left. On your left was Bobby, with her bag in her hand and a big grin that didn't really fit the situation.

"I didn't really catch your name back then..." She says, flashing you a grin and showing a little of her teeth. "I don't know if I thanked you for back then, you really were our salvation after we woke up in those cells."

Should I answer that? Or just nod?

"We really need to sit down in a circle soon and talk about everything, whether it's here or back home!" She raises an arm and holds it over her face, as if the sun's rays are blinding her, while at the same time she looks into your eyes. "There really are issues that need to be resolved."

What does she want to clear up? About me and CatNap and Kickin? Or maybe just make fun of me?

"Maybe Crafty can draw you a picture...of you and DoggDay."

There was dead silence. DogDay looked down at you, and you looked out at her. But out of the corner of your eye, you saw the looks of the others: Confusion, smirking, disbelief. The others only seem to have noticed now, because of Bobby's remark about the two of you. That you have something more than friendship.

"Ehm...Did I say something wro-

"GUYS, WE'VE FOUND IT! THE HOLE FOR THE BLUE BATTERY! IT'S HERE!"

Your heart almost stops, the many glances of the Smilling Critter that meet you. The screaming of Sophie and the realization that now comes: It goes deeper into the factory.

But something was still there apart from your fear, a feeling that you can't quite make clear.

You all run over as a group to Sophie and Bubba. She is standing at a blue metallic hole, which reminds you of a power socket. There's also a green one next to it, but it doesn't look right for the big blue battery.

"Now we can finally get out of here." Sophie shouts, even though you're already standing next to her.

But something was wrong, you got goosebumps that literally made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. There was a metal door next to you, and somehow you had the feeling that there was something behind it that was very bad. You squeeze one hand into a fist, the one not in DogDay's paw, and prepare to use your transfiguration.

"By the way, Poppy and Kissy will be here soon too, Ollie promised me that!"

Kissy? Who is that?

"Ah the little doll and that big pink thing?"

"Kickin, now be a little respectful at last!"

"Dude, take it easy, I've already got it."

"Seriously Kickin, from now on you need to be careful and respectful to everyone, you know what happened."

"I don't care if he's lying to us all and being such a crybaby."

And that's exactly when it happens.

Time runs slower than before. Your eyes don't understand what they see, just like the rest of your body.

Sophie dropped the blue battery into the hole, said something like "Ta-Da" at the same time and then looked funny. The people next to and behind you, the Smilling Critters, suddenly screamed. You can't see why yet, but your instinct tells you to run.

There was CatNap. The giant purple monster version with the white eyes that have given you so many nightmares. A huge wide grin, sharp teeth and red smoke leaving his mouth and slowly destroying your vision.

You still feel DogDay pull your hand away, your eyes follow the blurred vision to her face. It was no longer a grin, it was fear instilled and about to break the visage.

Now he's here to Kill all of you. But you will have more use alive.

---

Wow, that was a dangerous ending. I have to say that I didn't know exactly what was going into this chapter. I often wavered between thoughts and a bit of lore from you, but I really don't have a plan at all. But that's over, because I already have a fixed plot for the next chapters and the story is already a little over halfway through. Thanks for reading and please leave kudos!

[bunniebubbleswrites]

Ooo can I request for a fluffy/angsty Lady Lesso x Never reader, platonic please... the reader has a panic attack? Hurt & comfort? Cold Lesso turns soft?

Not so Cold

Lady Lesso x Never! Reader (Platonic) A/N: Started working on this during my chem class! Perks to sitting in the very back. I also wrote about how panic attacks feel for me so please be weary of that. This also is more based on the book but not very much. I'm also so sorry this took so long. My life has been kind of hectic right now. Warnings: Hurt & Comfort, details of panic attacks, Words: 1083

You didn’t know how it happened. It just did all of a sudden. One minute you were in class with your friends screwing around while waiting for your teacher to appear. Then it just hit you, the sound of your heartbeat was louder than anything else. 

This became a common thing, you learned how to handle them quickly. Oftentimes no one around you would even know that anything was going on beneath the surface. You had always been so good at hiding things. You never wanted to worry anyone for no reason if you could take care of it yourself, but your panic attacks worsened throughout the year. 

--------

Class hadn't started yet; paper airplanes were being thrown across the classroom and profanities were being flung back and forth at your peers. The sound of a cane hitting the ground along with the sound of heels moving in sync with it. Students rushed back to their seats and then silence filled the room. It was so quiet that the sound of your heartbeat seemed louder than before.

Shit, this can’t be happening now. In Lady Lesso’s class of all places.

You tried to steady your breathing but it was difficult and the sound of your heartbeat just made it even worse. Trying to keep calm, while your teacher walked into the room. You kept your eyes locked onto the blackboard behind her. If you didn’t look at her she wouldn’t call you out for not paying attention. 

You had zoned out for the most part. When you had tuned back in you were calm and breathing normally, now paying attention to the woman at the front of the room. She was going through each and everyone of us, making us show to the entire class how we’ve been progressing with our special talents. 

Luckily for the kids in the back row she didn’t have time to get to us. Kids rushed out of the classroom, books and papers falling out of their arms. You were one of the last ones out of the classroom. You felt a pair of eyes burning holes into the back of your skull as you walked out the door. The Trial by Tale was coming up and you weren’t going to lose the chance to get those first place ranks. 

The day of the Trail came, everyone was nervous even if it didn’t seem like it. You were praying to whatever god that would listen that you didn’t mess this up. You would win, hopefully. You had a plan and it was a good one. No one would even see you coming.

You planned to tackle opponent after opponent grabbing their flags not caring about the color and throwing them on the ground and sending them back to the school. Even though Hester was one of your dearest friends and the both of you would willingly take down Tedros. You both knew that teaming up wasn’t an option. One of you would get those first place ranks no matter the cost. 

Sophie and Kiko went in first and after a few hours of waiting it was your turn. You walked through the gates with some Ever you hadn’t bothered to learn the name of. You both ran off in opposite directions. You tackled and jumped on whoever you saw, you even threw a couple of attacks. The adrenaline running through you made you forget about the looming danger that you would possibly be facing. 

Soon it was only you, Tedros, and Hester. Hester didn’t let up at all during her attacks. She was going to win no matter who got in her way. Somewhere along all the fighting Sophie and Agatha came into the picture. 

The fight turned into a bloody battle from what you can remember, one second you were there the next you weren’t. Lesso’s eyes were on you.

She knows something’s wrong. Damnit.

You rushed back to your dorm, your blue cloak was easy to follow throughout the darkened halls. Your breathing was heavy and your heartbeat was pounding in your ears. You didn’t even make it to your dorm room before you collapsed. The tears fell down your cheeks, you needed to be alone right now, anyone could just walk up and see you like this. 

The sound of a cane hitting the floor alerted you, your mind wanted you to run but your body just couldn’t move. The sound grew closer and when it was right behind you it came to a stop. 

“(Y/N), how long have they been happening?” Lesso’s voice rang through your ears. It was softer than usual. You couldn’t respond and Lesso soon saw that and sat down beside you and put her hand on your back, rubbing it soothingly. It took you a good long while to calm down. 

In that time Lesso had taken you into her arms and was slowly rocking you back and forth, as she ran her fingers through your hair. Your breathing became steady and your sobs became sniffles. 

“Hey, nothing can hurt you right now. I’m here.” Lesso said loud enough for you to only hear. You look at her, your eyes red and your cheeks stained with tears.

“They’ve been happening since the beginning of the year.” You told her finally answering her question that she had asked so long ago.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Lesso’s eyes were filled with worry.

“I didn’t tell anyone because I thought it would make me seem weak.” Your eyes were filling up with tears once again.

“These panic attacks are not a sign of weakness and coming to people for help isn’t either.” Lesso wiped away the tears now rolling down your cheeks. 

“Let’s get you back to your dorm room, you’ve had a long day and I think it’d be best if you got some rest; and don’t worry about your classes tomorrow. Take the day off okay.”

You nodded as you got up off her lap. Lesso stood up shortly after and walked you back to your dorm. Her door was always open should you need it. Once you reached your dorm room, you turned back to Lesso and wrapped your arms around her. 

“Thank you, for everything Lady Lesso.” You quickly retracted before anyone saw. Her smile was only there for a brief moment before you went into your dorm and plopped down on your bed and fell into a deep sleep without a worry in the world.